Frits en Freddy (2010) Movie Script
There's no one home.
Ah, someone's coming.
Good afternoon, sir.
The world is in a bad way.
A very bad way.
People no longer love their fellow man.
There's no more trust in the world.
They're afraid.
- So? What are we gonna do about it?
We'd like to talk to you.
- About God.
I don't think I've got time for that.
What d'you mean?
- Which bit don't you understand?
Oh, right. Sir hasn't got time
to talk about God.
D'you understand this bit?
- Freddy!
You have to make time for Our Lord.
I wouldn't do that if I were you, or
I'll put such a big hole in your guts
your shit'll be plastered all over
your neighbours' walls!
What? There's no dough here?
You're lying through your teeth.
- I never lie.
Don't you? So how did you get rich then?
With lies and deceit!
Because, let me tell you,
honest people don't get rich.
They don't even win the lottery.
And d'you know why?
No.
You tell him.
How am I supposed to know?
What about dirty money?
You must have some of that somewhere.
I don't believe this.
Everyone with a villa's got dirty money.
You can't fool us.
You know you can't buy a pile like this
without dirty money, eh?
Exactly. I've spent it all.
Think we're bloody funny, do we?
You're going about this
the wrong way, Mr Villa Man.
The wrong way. D'you know what? I'm
gonna take a look for myself, you poser.
Is that your old woman?
- What's it to you?
She doesn't look like a pushover,
does she?
Mr Carlo Mouse... Is that you?
Mouse? What a funny name!
Carlo Mouse.
It sounds like
some character from a cartoon.
Oh my God, what's that? Is that a dog?
Bloody look at it!
D'you dare be seen with that?
A big hulk like you standing next
to a bag of fleas like that
waiting for it
to have a piss and a crap.
You must make yourself look
a right laughing stock.
Oh man! Don't you think
that thing's revolting?
Turn that off. I said turn that off.
Let's get out of here.
The cops'll be here in a minute.
Funny, is it?
Fuckin' hell! Did you close the gate?
Yeah, I thought it'd be easier
if we had to make a quick get away!
Come on.
- Hey, hold on.
Now what?
- Jump.
You're joking!
- Stay there then.
There's one out already. Over.
Hold your positions.
I repeat, hold your positions. Over.
Don't worry, we will.
What's the location of number 2? Over.
- He's still stuck on top of the gate.
Jump!
- Yeah, yeah. Wait a minute.
Hurry!
I'll drive.
- Why?
Because I said so, dammit!
A red Daf car, number plate
India Foxtrot Delta 681.
They're back.
- They were gone a long time today.
Haven't they seen you yet?
- I think they have.
Are they waving?
- Yeah.
Mangy mongrel.
Piss off!
Well, this is fun.
Cat got your tongue again?
What would you have done
if that poser had had a gun?
Shot him, of course.
- Oh, right.
What?
- Without any bullets?
It wasn't loaded, dickhead.
- Who says so?
I do.
Frits.
I took all the bullets out yesterday.
Cos you're a fuckin' psycho.
Me?
- Yes, you.
D'you realise you put our lives
in danger this morning, Frits?
I don't remember agreeing
that you'd take it with you.
I can't hear you, Freddy.
- He wouldn't have let us in otherwise.
Maybe, but then we would've just
gone next door.
They were rolling in it too.
- What if I'd had to defend myself?
I'd have looked a right jerk.
Your money or your life.
Oh dear!
It wasn't my fault.
You'd removed the bullets!
What did I just say?
- What?
You're a fuckin' psycho!
Bloody dog.
Freddy.
Freddy, no... Bloody hell, Freddy.
He won't be pissing on our car any more.
- Did you have to do that?
With my best kitchen knife.
It's not meant to be used for that.
What? You use it to cut up meat too.
Yeah, but not a dog. Does it say
on it that it can be used for that?
Or did you read it in the book
that came with it when we bought it?
No.
- Well then!
What've you got against dogs?
- The neighbours will be pleased.
There you are!
You can explain it to them.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm coming.
What d'you want?
- Hello. Is this yours?
Sit down, pal!
Arsehole!
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
Nice place you've got here.
Here.
Good job you'd written your name and
address in it, or you might've lost it.
Frits.
- You fuckin' half-baked dimwit!
You brain-dead moron!
Target still 100m away. Over.
- Yeah, yeah. Talk normally.
Sorry, guv.
That's the last time I have a ham roll
with extra strong mustard. Bloody hell.
I can't see a fuckin' thing.
Control to X7,
situation is status quo. Over.
Hold your positions.
I repeat, hold your positions.
That ham had gone off, but you can't
taste it with strong mustard like that.
Bloody hell.
Dickhead!
- I wanted to go next door, remember?
But you had to go into this guy's place.
You're nothing but an amateur, pal.
Admit it.
A bungling bloody idiot!
- Oh, yeah, right. Here it comes.
Just look at His Reverence.
Put his brain in a mouse and
it'd go and live in a cat's bowl.
Eh, retard?
You're crazy!
- Come on then!
You come on!
- Chicken!
Let go a minute,
so I can punch him in the kisser.
Are they fuckin' about, or what?
How am I supposed to know?
Have you seen them come back out?
- No.
Then they're still in there,
aren't they? It's not difficult!
I desperately need to go to the toilet,
Pat. My guts are churning.
I'm gonna have an accident,
I can feel it.
Go in the bushes over there.
- I can't do that.
Want me to produce a toilet
out of my hat, or what?
I'm bursting, Pat.
I can't hold on any longer.
- We can't leave.
Ten minutes won't hurt,
there's nothing to see here anyway.
Careful!
Five...
Four, three, two, one.
What was that? Fireworks?
- You'll never believe this!
Greta! What was that?
Bastards!
Hey... Bastards!
Did I come at a bad time?
Just a bit, Dad.
What are you two doing?
Is it some kind of game?
- We've been attacked.
Attacked? Who by?
A bunch of nuns?
- No, Dad, by real attackers.
I don't believe it.
- They were armed.
You're having me on.
- We're not.
So what did they want?
- We don't know, they didn't say.
Did they take anything?
- No.
And you'd never seen these guys before?
- No, never.
That was Granny's car.
- I know, Dad.
It didn't have a mark on it.
When it rained, she left it
in the garage and called a taxi.
They don't make them like that any more.
- Could you give us a hand, Dad?
Here you are.
We've been humiliated, Frits.
Here, in our own home.
Dad thinks we're a couple of clowns.
- Yeah.
Has he ever thought otherwise?
If he has, I don't remember it.
Granny's car is a write-off.
I can't go on like this.
You got a plan?
We'll go back and
set light to his shack.
So that that Mouse realises
we're not to be messed with.
We know where he lives.
- Yeah, and he knows where we live.
Let him come! I'll be ready for him.
He's not some amateur, Freddy.
- Neither are we.
And how will we get there? By bus?
- We're not on a bus route.
Maybe I can ask the old prune across
the road if I can borrow their bus?
What will you say?
Good evening, old prune.
I just slit your Balou's throat
with Frits's new knife
and now I'd like to borrow your car
cos ours has just exploded.
Well... I won't say that, of course.
What then? I'd like to know.
I'm not going to say,
'Good evening, old prune...'
Maybe you could moon at them again.
I'll tell you what. I'll wait here.
What are you trying to say?
That I can't sort it?
Well, I'll fuckin' show you.
Get your briefcase ready.
Greta's in the bath.
- Greta doesn't need to know, Leon.
It's just between us two men.
I don't need it for long.
Half an hour at the most.
Has she been in there long?
- Where?
In the bath.
- Have you seen Balou anywhere?
No.
Why? Have you lost him?
- It's strange.
He's usually afraid of the dark.
Maybe those fireworks scared him.
I've had an idea.
If you lend me your bus and
Balou isn't back in an hour,
I'll go and look for him with Frits.
He loves dogs too.
We need a plan. We can't go charging in.
- I've got a plan.
I was afraid of that.
It's high time we showed the rest of
the world we're not a pair of losers.
And we absolutely have to do it tonight?
- Yep.
Careful.
- There isn't anyone here.
So? The alarm'll get set off again.
Fuckin' hell!
- Carlo! I'm trying to sleep.
I'll shoot you!
- Bloody hell, Carlo!
Nasty little fucker!
Let's go. Come on!
The police are on their way.
- We're really scared now.
Stay where you are. Hands up!
My husband will be here any minute.
- You're expecting quite a few people.
There's no money in the house.
- We know. We haven't come for that.
What have you come for then?
If it's for that bloody ugly clock,
feel free to take it with you.
I've got an idea.
You're insane.
- And you're a fuckin' wimp.
How long before those guys
pay us another visit? One hour? Two?
They may even get there before we do.
- Mouse doesn't know we've got her.
She could've just pissed off.
Bet you two fight now and then.
No.
- Liar.
That kind of woman doesn't piss off
cos of a fight.
She goes to see a lawyer and a bit later
the guy moves into a tiny apartment.
Mouse knows we haven't got a car
any more, so how can it have been us?
Use your brain! How would we get there?
It's a long way from where we live.
See?
- That's the result of using your brain?
Yeah.
- Well, I wouldn't do that too often.
Be careful. It's hot.
You don't have to keep that on,
you'll end up burning your hands.
Nice place.
- What? Not good enough for you, is it?
Miss Hoity-Toity.
Hey, what's going on?
Why isn't she wearing that any more?
- It's dark outside.
So?
I'm going to keep this.
Fuck, they're here already.
- We didn't hear a car.
Give that gun here.
- No, I need it.
Otherwise she'll scream the place down.
- So what do I do? Throw a shoe at them?
Come on, upstairs.
Upstairs.
D'you still need our bus?
- Good evening.
Freddy told Leon he'd bring it back.
- We got stuck in traffic.
Have you seen Balou anywhere?
- No. Have you lost him?
Freddy promised Leon you'd look for him.
- Freddy's in the bath.
I'll send him over.
- Right.
What happened to your car?
- It doesn't go any more.
I can see that for myself.
- A faulty connection.
Really?
I'll send him over. Freddy, about Balou.
What about our bus?
- He'll bring it with him.
I don't know where the keys are.
OK? Bye.
Was there something else?
- Yes.
Tell Freddy to stop.
- Stop what?
Mooning at us when you drive past.
- I'll tell him.
It's not a pretty sight, now is it?
- No.
We'll ask 100,000 euros. Cash.
You've no idea what you're getting into.
- That's true.
We didn't ask you.
If it works, how long d'you think
it'll be before they find us?
She's seen us, hasn't she?
Dammit!
- It's not my fault.
We'll have to get rid of her.
- For goodness' sake.
Have you got a better idea?
Ask 200,000.
And I get half.
I don't follow you.
- Carlo's got enough dough.
And you won't tell him it was us?
- No.
I don't believe you.
Half is a lot, isn't it?
- It's the same as you.
That's true. but there are two of us.
- That's not my fault, eh?
Why would you do that?
- Why d'you think? For the dough.
How does your old man earn his loot?
- By laundering money.
He told us he didn't have
any dirty money, the rascal.
Where does the money come from?
- That doesn't matter, Frits.
Doesn't it? Think! He's not doing it
for the corner shop, is he?
The whole thing stinks, Freddy. It's
the mafia and we're no match for them.
He made fools of us.
Here, in our own home.
And he blew up Granny's car.
What's in there?
Two little old ladies.
What d'you think is in there?
A cake.
- You must want something.
What are you planning to do
with that girl there?
Well... we want to spend
some time on our own.
We're not twelve any more, Dad, eh?
How long have you been seeing her?
- Phh... Quite a while.
And now you suddenly thought
the time had come to... be on your own.
Yeah, well...
What does she do for a living?
- She works in a laundry.
She's working class.
- She runs the place.
Does the laundry belong to her?
- It will do soon, probably.
What does she see in you?
- What?
You gonna spend the rest of your life
peddling Bibles?
There's no money in that.
That depends.
- People aren't interested these days.
I've told you before,
no one reads that any more.
You should sell copies of the Koran.
There's a future in that.
The Koran?
- Yes.
What about Freddy? What's he going
to do while you're not there?
Stay home, I think.
- He can't manage on his own.
It's only for two days, Dad.
Hear any more about those guys
who set light to Granny's car?
The cops are looking into it.
We can sleep soundly at night then.
Don't leave the place in a mess.
- Of course not, Dad.
I mean it. No mess, OK?
No. Dad.
She completely emptied the savings
account. And that was my money.
She only works part-time.
Now I've had a letter from her lawyer
saying she wants alimony.
Yet she cheated on me, not vice versa.
I told you, eh?
Do you think that's fair?
- No.
I took the letter to my lawyer.
I was there less than half an hour
and yesterday I received a bill
for 1,000 euros. A retaining fee.
D'you think that's right?
I'm sick to death of this.
I'm starving hungry.
- And there's no guarantee I'll win.
We've been taken for a ride
with Their Reverences.
They've got nothing to do with it.
It's nice and peaceful here.
Who's outside Mouse's place?
- No idea.
I need to have something to eat.
It's making me irritable.
I'm going to get something.
- I'll stay here.
Shall I bring something with me for you?
- No.
Yes. A chocolate waffle and a coke.
Hold on.
Keep it. Sounds like
you're gonna need it.
Can you see anything interesting, pal?
We've got a problem.
What's that?
- One of Mouse's men.
What's he doing on our toilet?
- He was out there with his binoculars.
He said he was birdwatching.
But he had a fuckin' gun on him.
Where d'you get the handcuffs?
- They were in his pocket.
What was he planning to do?
Now what?
- I don't know.
D'you know him?
- No.
Did you look in his wallet?
- He's got no wallet, no phone, nothing.
We're in the shit now.
What are we going to do with him?
Yeah, yeah, that'll do.
You can keep quiet.
Just to make things clear. Next time you
have an idea, don't bother telling me.
Yeah...
Stop!
- That's all we need.
Stop. Stop, dammit!
- Fuckin' hell.
What does she want?
- Her bus back. Get out of the way.
Keep going.
I'm sure they've gone to look for Balou.
- They almost drove right over me.
They didn't see you.
They're good boys. Always friendly.
They always wave when they go past.
- Wave?
I'm phoning the police.
- Calm down.
They'll bring the bus back later.
We don't need it for now.
They're up to something.
- Oh, come on...
They had a woman with them.
- Did they really?
Rather good neighbours
than bad friends.
You said ten more minutes...
that was over an hour ago.
This old banger won't go any faster.
- Try putting your foot down.
On that big pedal on the left.
You're joking!
- We're not setting up home here, madam.
I hope there's running water.
- Yeah, in the village.
And if you need to go to toilet?
- There, in the woods.
Come on.
You can shout as loud as you like,
no one can hear you.
Help!
No one.
There's been a big misunderstanding.
- I don't quite see it like that.
You set light to Granny's car.
And we're not taking that lying down.
I know nothing about that.
- Yeah.
I don't even bloody know your granny.
- Watch your language!
Don't let me hear bloody and Granny
in the same sentence again.
Or I'll shoot your head off.
Who do you think you are?
- I don't even know you two.
Oh no? So why did you
just say 'your granny'?
How do you know it's my granny too?
That we're brothers?
We didn't tell you that.
- No.
And we don't look alike either.
Take a good look.
We look completely different.
- He's taller and I'm better looking.
I just said it.
- No, no, no.
Guys like you don't just say things.
You're right, Frits.
We're not falling for that, pal.
Bloody hell.
When are you going to phone him?
Call him on your mobile and say you've
been kidnapped, then we'll take over.
Make sure he thinks you're real scared.
- I'll do my best.
And tell him not to involve the cops.
- Anything else?
Anyway, I don't think Carlo's likely to
go running to the cops.
What have you got us into now, eh?
Sweetheart? It's me.
Gina? Where are you?
- I've been kidnapped.
They made me call you.
Hello. Mr Mouse.
- Who am I talking to?
I've got your old woman.
If you ever want to see her alive again,
it's gonna cost you a lot of money.
Oh, right.
- 200,000 euros in 50 euro notes.
Used notes, not new ones.
Put them in a transparent plastic bag.
And if you try...
- Don't bother. I'm not interested.
You've come to the wrong guy
for games like that.
Hello?
Hello?
He's not interested.
- Did he hang up?
Yes.
- What? That's not on, is it?
What am I supposed to do about it?
I'm gonna call him back.
Who does he think he is?
Voicemail. I don't believe it.
I'm gonna fuckin' cut you up into bits.
Who d'you think you are?
I'll wipe the smile off your kisser.
Have you gone fuckin' crazy?
- What?
Now he definitely knows where to look.
- Does he?
Think he won't recognise your voice?
- You're a fine one!
Why would he recognise my voice
but not yours?
He always acts as if I'm the stupid one.
Greta!
- I'm not deaf.
Oh, I thought you were in the bathroom.
Spying on people again?
- No.
D'you think I've got
nothing better to do all day?
They're not home.
Hello, madam.
Freddy's borrowed our bus.
He said he only needed it for a bit.
But they drove off in it again
this morning without asking.
Frits was going to our caravan
in La Roche for two days.
I didn't know Freddy'd gone too.
- We'll be without a car for two days.
That's a bit of a nuisance.
- There was a girl with them.
Can you tell Freddy to keep his trousers
on when he drives past our place?
I don't know what you're on about.
- Every time he goes past, he...
Good afternoon, sir.
Good afternoon, madam.
No one home?
- No.
They've gone to the Ardennes for
two days, to the caravan in La Roche.
Is it urgent?
- Urgent? That depends...
I'm their father. Who you are?
- Mouse. Carlo Mouse.
Pleased to meet you.
- Right.
What did you want?
- We're like Frits.
We're philatelists.
All three of you?
- He's not quite as fanatical.
I'm not spending the night here.
- Aren't you?
Did madam think we were going to
some nice little botel?
I don't care, I'm not staying here.
- You don't get a say.
We kidnapped you, remember?
I'm really hungry.
- I've got other things to worry about.
I can't think when I'm hungry.
- Then wait a bit longer before you eat.
That was a joke.
- I didn't think it was funny.
I desperately need the john.
- That's your problem.
Let the guy go to toilet.
- Butt out.
What's your name?
- Charles.
Really? Like in the song?
What song?
Little Charlie, Little Charlie
Was caught by his balls up an apple tree
Don't you know it? It's a kids' song.
Everyone knows it.
I'm not who you think I am, I'm a cop.
- Yeah, right.
Nice try. But we don't believe you,
Charlie. A cop!
You work for Mouse.
- That's not true.
Guys, can I please...
- Go with the whingebag.
Fancy not knowing that song, Charlie!
Little Charlie, Little Charlie
Was caught by his balls up an apple tree
I've never seen him at our place.
Call him again.
Voicemail.
- Give here.
Listen carefully, Mouse.
We talked to your old woman
and know all about your dirty money.
And I know some people who'd be
really interested to hear about it.
I'd hate to be in your shoes.
Your old woman isn't happy either.
You've got 30 minutes to phone me back
and not a minute longer, jerk.
Who does he think he is?
Listen to that.
- Listen carefully, Mouse.
We talked to your old woman and
know all about your dirty money.
And I know some people who'd be
really interested to hear about it.
I'd hate to be in your shoes.
Your old woman isn't happy either.
D'you think that Gina...
- Now's not the time for that.
She's already been through a lot.
Well, I mean...
You know what I mean.
Hey, what d'you think we should do?
Wait here a minute.
I didn't see anyone, officer. It's not
like I watch the place all day long.
I've got better things to do than that.
Well?
Nothing, pal. No sign of life anywhere.
Where on earth can he be?
- You were the last one to see him.
You're gonna be in the shit
back at the station.
You shouldn't have left him here alone.
- Now what?
Are you going to start having a go at me
too? I was only gone for twenty minutes.
It's not allowed, is it?
- I suppose you never eat?
And if you need a piss,
you take him with you?
Tell that to the guv'nor
back at the station.
Tell him you needed a piss
and it took twenty minutes.
And you didn't want to
take your pal with you.
Hello, madam.
- Hello.
D'you know where Their Reverences are?
- They've gone to the Ardennes.
To their caravan in La Roche.
- On holiday?
They took our bus with them.
Just like that, without asking.
Excuse me, sir.
Are you going to the village?
Village?
Do you speak Dutch?
No, Flemish.
Here, let me hold that for you.
Can you give me a lift to the village?
I'm in a hurry.
I've been standing here for an hour.
Another time, maybe.
- I won't give you your bag back.
I'm gonna get angry, I can feel it.
- Don't be so silly.
Oh, sorry.
Fuckin' hell!
Sorry.
I'll walk.
- No way. Fuckin' hell! Silly bitch!
Come on. Get in. And shut the fuck up.
Happy now? I told you you couldn't
have a lift and I didn't have time.
There was no way I could know...
- You don't listen!
And now I'm the one
left holding the baby.
What d'you want from me?
- Not a fuckin' thing.
I don't bloody believe it.
Fuck!
Fuckin' hell!
We were tailing Carlo Mouse.
- Really?
He does business with gangs from
Bulgaria and Russia. Import, export.
Those guys are really dangerous and we
saw you come out of there yesterday...
Well, run out of there, because the gate
was closed. Then we followed him later.
And he drove to your place.
And we saw him go in.
No, Charlie. No.
No, no.
Cops always come in twos, or more.
- Yeah.
There are jokes about it. You were there
all by yourself with your binoculars.
Yeah, but my colleague had just
popped to the shop. He was hungry.
D'you think Charlie looks like a cop?
No.
You've got an accountant's face.
What the hell's going on, Freddy?
- Come on. Get out.
We've got problems, guys.
- Did that come free with the shopping?
Who is that?
- What's going on?
You're hungry, go to buy
some bread and yoghurt
and come back with a chick
and a mangy dog.
She wanted a lift and I said no.
Then I bent down and she saw my gun.
Now I get it.
Good job we didn't come in the Daf.
There wouldn't have been
enough bloody room.
Why can't you use your stupid head?
Aren't things bad enough already?
Aren't we in enough shit?
I haven't got a stupid head.
D'you speak Flemish?
Couldn't you have found someone else
to cadge a lift from?
We've gotta get out of here, now.
- Why?
Mouse pulled up
as I drove off from the shop.
Wbat?
- How did he end up there?
How does he know we're here?
- Well...
You think I...
- Yes.
You really don't use
your stupid head, eh? How could I?
He took my phone off me yesterday
and has had it ever since.
Yeah, right, I phoned him.
Stay here, you.
Here.
Did he see you?
- No, but he'll be here before long.
Was he alone?
- I don't know.
What are we going to do with her?
Take her with us.
Here.
I don't want to come.
- Tough. It's not up to you.
Get down, or I'll blow your head off.
And shut the fuck up!
What's he going to do?
Hello, Freddy.
Long time no see.
Hello, Mr Ren.
I'm Frits. My brother is Freddy.
How's your dad?
- Fine. Fine, thanks.
My guv'nor asked me to pop by.
Some Flemish colleagues phoned.
Apparently, a policeman disappeared
in your road in Flanders.
A policeman, a cop. In your road.
D'you hear me?
Hold on.
Have you ever seen this guy
near your place?
No.
- Take another look. Go on.
Look.
MISSING PERSON
INSPECTOR CHARLES WILLEMS
No.
- You didn't see anything unusual?
No, I didn't see anything. No.
Your brother didn't either?
- No.
We're always together. See?
My brother and I are always together.
That's yours.
- Yeah. Yeah...
What? Aren't you going to answer it?
- No. No...
OK...
I'll call you back.
It's not urgent.
What the hell is he up to?
Mouse'll be here any minute.
Get right down, you.
- Go on, shoot me.
What did you say?
- Retard.
What?
- Don't understand that word?
Don't wind me up!
- Calm down. Or accidents'll happen.
He probably had
a heart attack somewhere.
I'm telling you, Freddy, the biggest
problem we have today is stress.
You slave away.
Everyone thinks everything's fine.
And then, suddenly, you kick the bucket.
Yeah...
Going home already?
- Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Got to work tomorrow, eh?
Right, say hello to your dad for me.
- Sure.
Don't forget, eh?
- No, no. I won't. I won't.
What's up? You gonna tell me or what?
Charles is a cop.
Think that's funny?
- I'm pissing myself laughing.
Why d'you suddenly say that?
- Ren had a photo of him.
They're looking for him
and the cops think we're involved.
What's going on, Charles?
- I told you, guys. I said...
Why do they suspect us?
- How am I supposed to know?
What do we do?
The joker heard everything.
You're the one who dragged him along.
- Don't start that.
I didn't hear anything. Honestly.
- You go deaf now and then, or what?
It's simple, eh? He's gotta disappear.
- You can't kill him, he's not a dog.
Got a better idea?
- Nothing's happened, guys.
I won't say anything, I swear.
Let us go. We'll make our own way.
No, I don't trust you.
Nice try, but it's out of the question.
After all, he's a cop, eh?
It's Mouse.
What did I say? I was going to call you
back. Which bit didn't you understand?
I was going to call you.
What did he want?
- He didn't say, Freddy.
It's nice here, isn't it?
Nice place to come for a walk
with the family in the summer.
Have we lost something, gentlemen?
- Dunno what you may've lost,
but I've lost my wife.
And you think
you're gonna find her here?
In my caravan?
- Two gentlemen phoned me.
They demanded 200,000 euros.
What are you trying to say?
That your old woman's been kidnapped?
Exactly. Yes...
She's obviously no ordinary girl.
- That's for sure.
She's no ordinary girl.
- No.
She's...
But I refuse to be blackmailed
by two retarded monks.
I can understand that.
Do I know these two retarded monks?
No, no, no. It all started
when you set that alarm off.
And when you stupidly
left your briefcase there.
I'll tell you what, I've had enough.
You sort it. I'm going home.
Come on, everyone out.
Show's over. Come on.
I'm not gonna be made a fool of.
I'm calling Mouse,
he can have his old woman back.
You're not!
- We'll see about that.
What are you doing?
- I'm gonna whack you with this branch.
That's not a branch, that's a root.
Branches grow in the air,
roots grow under the ground.
They always have done.
Don't.
Come on, Freddy.
Bloody hell. Stop it, pal. You'll...
You asked for it.
Stop or I'll shoot.
Happy now?
- Shut up!
Honestly!
- Get back.
Think I don't dare?
Get off, you mangy mongrel.
Stay here, you.
- I haven't got anything to do with it.
Yeah, right. Go and stand over there.
Give me the keys to the bus.
- That bus isn't ours.
That's not my problem. The keys, now!
Stop this, miss. Give that gun here.
Come on.
Want me to hurt you?
- I'll shoot.
What with? It's not loaded.
I took all the bullets out.
Yeah, right.
- Sboot me then.
Shoot!
There, what did I tell you?
Go on, try again.
Fuck!
D'you mind? What a farce!
I've been waving an empty gun at people.
Exactly. D'you know why? I've told you
loads of times. You're a fuckin' psycho.
It's Mouse. You sort it.
You always know best anyway.
Hello?
No, it's Freddy.
Yes, he's my brother.
OK, I'll put him on.
He wants you.
- I've got nothing to say to the guy.
Tell him that yourself.
Hello?
- Let's resolve this. I've got the cash.
Really? Hold on a minute.
He says he's got the cash.
- Yes! Yes!
How come, all of a sudden?
- Doesn't matter. He got scared, eh?
Scared of who? Not of us.
- Do the deal.
- In used 50 euro notes, not new ones.
Oh, so you remembered?
- Yeah, yeah.
In a transparent plastic bag.
But I want to talk to my wife first.
- Hold on.
He wants to talk to you.
Carlo? You've gotta help me.
Happy?
- Where shall we meet?
I'll call you back in ten minutes, OK?
Hello?
We've got to come up with a plan.
- I'm aware of that too.
I don't trust it.
- Don't start.
I want a share of the money too.
- What did you say?
This has got nothing to do with you.
- Oh no? I was kidnapped.
And threatened with a gun.
- Tbat wasn't loaded.
I want 25.000 euros.
or I'll go to the cops.
You won't have far to go,
there's one standing next to you.
This isn't looking good.
- Butt out, arsehole.
Mouse'll never let you go.
- We'll keep his old woman then.
She can come and live with us
in our bungalow, like Snow White.
Listen, I'll help you.
- I don't trust you.
D'you really think Mouse is scared of
you two? He'll easily find you.
Start by untying me.
- No way. So you can run off?
No. We'll go to Mouse together and I'll
be in charge, so there are no accidents.
Why would you help us?
- I was wondering that too, Charlie.
You're a cop. If that gets out...
- It needn't get out.
Listen, I can't tell you much,
but we're really close to nailing Mouse.
We've got enough evidence.
It's a matter of days.
And then he'll lose
his beautiful villa too.
Any cash he's got will be dirty money.
He won't be going into detail.
Untie me first.
I don't believe a word.
He thinks we're stupid.
I wonder why?
He's a cop. He'll wait till we turn
round, then he'll hit us over the head.
I'd untie him, if it were up to me.
Me too.
It's a bad idea.
Don't come crying to me afterwards.
A very bad idea.
We'll split it 50-50.
There you go!
We'd end up out of fuckin' pocket.
She wants half, big mouth there wants
That's not on, Charles.
Told you! We're the ones
caught by our balls up an apple tree!
Work it out between yourselves.
I want half.
Bloody money-grubber. Is that what
they teach you at cop school?
Two minutes.
Come with me, you. Come on.
We're letting them make fools of us.
- Glad you realise.
We'll give the silly bitch back to Mouse
and keep all the dough for ourselves.
Now you're talking.
We'll kick the cop, the girl
and her mongrel out on the way.
They can walk back together.
It's not really fair, is it?
D'you know how long it takes to earn it?
- I do at least, yeah.
Have you wondered how you're going to
get your share of the cash?
Or have you arranged for those two
to pay it into your account next week?
Then we'll go abroad.
- To Spain.
No, Freddy, the South of France.
- Why France?
Do you speak Spanish?
- No.
Well then.
And once Mouse is in the slammer.
we'll come home at our leisure.
What about Charlie? He'll be cross.
What if we make sure
all the dough's gone?
If the cops come and question us,
we'll pretend ignorance.
It'll be Charles's word against ours.
And there are two of us.
I'll make sure you get your share.
- Really?
Half. And you'll get
Hey. Hold on...
Yeah, stop there.
Engine off.
- Engine off.
Get out and show us the money.
- Get out and show us the money.
Hold the bag up in the air.
Bloody hell. I'm dying for a piss.
Walk slowly over to here.
Did you hear me? Take your time.
I can't wait much longer.
I want to see my wife first.
- He wants to see her.
Gina, get out. Get out.
There she is. Happy now?
Come over here, with your arms up.
Hey, Mouse. No, no.
I said come over here.
Dammit, he won't go through the water.
Oh fuck!
Get down. Quick.
Hold on, Mouse.
Oh, Mr Ren.
- Hello, Freddy.
Hello.
- Hello.
Next time we meet,
the drinks are on you.
What?
That's what we say in Flanders.
Forget it.
D'you know that guy?
Oh, no. No, I've never
seen him before in my life.
I don't like those kind of people.
They're cocky upstarts.
Where's your brother?
- My brother? I don't know.
Oh, there he is.
Surprise!
Hello, Mr Ren.
How are you? Keeping well?
That's yours.
- Ah...
Oh, it's not urgent.
What about you? D'you know that guy?
- Over there? No, no, no.
Are you sure?
- Yes, yes, very sure.
Right then...
Don't forget to
say hello to your dad for me.
No, no.
See you later. Miss.
Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
Hello, Mouse?
I've got a surprise for you.
Fuckin' hell, it's Dad!
I don't believe this.
- Shit.
Why's he there?
- How should I know?
I didn't put him in there.
- He won't be very happy.
Go on.
That wasn't what we agreed.
He wasn't supposed to come too.
Give that phone here.
- No.
And now they cross at the same time.
I'll count to five. Then Gina and
your dad set off at the same time.
No crap either
or we'll sboot a hole in him.
Why isn't he at home watching the box?
- You can ask him yourself.
Right. One, two...
- Go on, cross over to Mouse.
You must be joking! Through that water?
My boots'll be ruined.
Go on, granddad.
We want our dad back.
- That's not my problem.
Will you fuckin' well cross over?
Pair of amateurs!
Don't blame me.
Fuckin' hell!
- Freddy, no.
Freddy, come back. Freddy.
Freddy, no.
- Come here.
Fuck you!
Freddy, don't.
Freddy, come back.
Sorry, Dad.
Those guys blew up Granny's car. They're
real lowlifes. You saw that yourself.
Fuckin' psychos.
Hello, sir.
Where's she gone?
Gina!
- Gina!
Fuckin' hell! I don't believe this!
Where's she gone?
- I don't know.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
- That depends.
Oh yeah? What on?
- I can't read your mind, Carlo.
Yeah, true...
Probably a good job too.
Fuckin' bloody hell!
A dreadful business, eh?
- Yeah, Dad.
We're a couple of dimwits, eh?
I really thought that
as you two got older you would...
What?
You know how it all started, eh?
- You gonna start that again?
It was your idea to take her with us.
And you brought the cop along.
- What cop?
D'you know what you are?
- Tell me.
You're...
- What, what, what?
Off your rocker.
- And you're an old woman.
I can't live with him anymore, Dad.
- Move out then.
Why do I have to move out?
You move out. Go and live with Dad.
That is not a good idea.
What did I tell you? You never listen.
We look a right pair of fools now.
- Fuck!
Good morning, gentlemen.
What can I do for you?
- Good morning, sir.
Are you religious?
- Well...
That's a rather personal question.
Have you read the Koran?
No.
Well, we think that if we were to
get to know each other better,
it would be easier to
live together in harmony.
You could have a point.
- Yes, there would be fewer prejudices.
I don't really have any prejudices.
Is that right?
- Yes, I think so.
Live and let life, I always say.
Another bloody Dutchman.
They're all the same.
I've lived in Belgium for fifteen years.
- Have you? Why?
Wasn't it much fun in Holland anymore?
- My wife's Belgian.
Couldn't you find one in Holland?
What about being tolerant?
- That's beside the point.
Us being tolerant doesn't mean everyone
can come and bother our women.
Bother them? My wife liked me.
- You don't believe that.
Pretentious jerk.
- Come on, Freddy, let's go.
But it's true...
- Let's try next door.
He's laughing at us. In our own country.
- Yeah, yeah, that'll do.
You saw him yourself. I'm not having
that. I don't take crap from anyone.
No, Freddy.
- Especially not from a Dutchman.
Did you see his house?
And there's us paying our tax.
We haven't paid any this year.
- It's a matter of principle.
What principle?
- Don't you understand?
The principle of the Dutchman
in his nice villa with his dirty money.
While we go out to work.
And pinching our women too.
What women? We haven't got any women.
- It's a matter of principle.
If you were less aggressive,
we'd have got in.
Me aggressive? Me?
- Yes, you.
INSPECTOR CHARLES WILLEMS
NOW PAYS ALIMONY EVERY MONTH
AND HIS CAREER
CHANGED COURSE.
GINA DISCOVERED THA THE LORD NOT ONLY GIVES.
SHE IS LOOKING FOR
A NEW RELATIONSHIP.
KIM WAS NOT IN THE LEAST BI TRAUMATISED BY HER ABDUCTION.
SHE DYED HER HAIR
AND TOOK UP ACTING.
Ah, someone's coming.
Good afternoon, sir.
The world is in a bad way.
A very bad way.
People no longer love their fellow man.
There's no more trust in the world.
They're afraid.
- So? What are we gonna do about it?
We'd like to talk to you.
- About God.
I don't think I've got time for that.
What d'you mean?
- Which bit don't you understand?
Oh, right. Sir hasn't got time
to talk about God.
D'you understand this bit?
- Freddy!
You have to make time for Our Lord.
I wouldn't do that if I were you, or
I'll put such a big hole in your guts
your shit'll be plastered all over
your neighbours' walls!
What? There's no dough here?
You're lying through your teeth.
- I never lie.
Don't you? So how did you get rich then?
With lies and deceit!
Because, let me tell you,
honest people don't get rich.
They don't even win the lottery.
And d'you know why?
No.
You tell him.
How am I supposed to know?
What about dirty money?
You must have some of that somewhere.
I don't believe this.
Everyone with a villa's got dirty money.
You can't fool us.
You know you can't buy a pile like this
without dirty money, eh?
Exactly. I've spent it all.
Think we're bloody funny, do we?
You're going about this
the wrong way, Mr Villa Man.
The wrong way. D'you know what? I'm
gonna take a look for myself, you poser.
Is that your old woman?
- What's it to you?
She doesn't look like a pushover,
does she?
Mr Carlo Mouse... Is that you?
Mouse? What a funny name!
Carlo Mouse.
It sounds like
some character from a cartoon.
Oh my God, what's that? Is that a dog?
Bloody look at it!
D'you dare be seen with that?
A big hulk like you standing next
to a bag of fleas like that
waiting for it
to have a piss and a crap.
You must make yourself look
a right laughing stock.
Oh man! Don't you think
that thing's revolting?
Turn that off. I said turn that off.
Let's get out of here.
The cops'll be here in a minute.
Funny, is it?
Fuckin' hell! Did you close the gate?
Yeah, I thought it'd be easier
if we had to make a quick get away!
Come on.
- Hey, hold on.
Now what?
- Jump.
You're joking!
- Stay there then.
There's one out already. Over.
Hold your positions.
I repeat, hold your positions. Over.
Don't worry, we will.
What's the location of number 2? Over.
- He's still stuck on top of the gate.
Jump!
- Yeah, yeah. Wait a minute.
Hurry!
I'll drive.
- Why?
Because I said so, dammit!
A red Daf car, number plate
India Foxtrot Delta 681.
They're back.
- They were gone a long time today.
Haven't they seen you yet?
- I think they have.
Are they waving?
- Yeah.
Mangy mongrel.
Piss off!
Well, this is fun.
Cat got your tongue again?
What would you have done
if that poser had had a gun?
Shot him, of course.
- Oh, right.
What?
- Without any bullets?
It wasn't loaded, dickhead.
- Who says so?
I do.
Frits.
I took all the bullets out yesterday.
Cos you're a fuckin' psycho.
Me?
- Yes, you.
D'you realise you put our lives
in danger this morning, Frits?
I don't remember agreeing
that you'd take it with you.
I can't hear you, Freddy.
- He wouldn't have let us in otherwise.
Maybe, but then we would've just
gone next door.
They were rolling in it too.
- What if I'd had to defend myself?
I'd have looked a right jerk.
Your money or your life.
Oh dear!
It wasn't my fault.
You'd removed the bullets!
What did I just say?
- What?
You're a fuckin' psycho!
Bloody dog.
Freddy.
Freddy, no... Bloody hell, Freddy.
He won't be pissing on our car any more.
- Did you have to do that?
With my best kitchen knife.
It's not meant to be used for that.
What? You use it to cut up meat too.
Yeah, but not a dog. Does it say
on it that it can be used for that?
Or did you read it in the book
that came with it when we bought it?
No.
- Well then!
What've you got against dogs?
- The neighbours will be pleased.
There you are!
You can explain it to them.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm coming.
What d'you want?
- Hello. Is this yours?
Sit down, pal!
Arsehole!
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
Nice place you've got here.
Here.
Good job you'd written your name and
address in it, or you might've lost it.
Frits.
- You fuckin' half-baked dimwit!
You brain-dead moron!
Target still 100m away. Over.
- Yeah, yeah. Talk normally.
Sorry, guv.
That's the last time I have a ham roll
with extra strong mustard. Bloody hell.
I can't see a fuckin' thing.
Control to X7,
situation is status quo. Over.
Hold your positions.
I repeat, hold your positions.
That ham had gone off, but you can't
taste it with strong mustard like that.
Bloody hell.
Dickhead!
- I wanted to go next door, remember?
But you had to go into this guy's place.
You're nothing but an amateur, pal.
Admit it.
A bungling bloody idiot!
- Oh, yeah, right. Here it comes.
Just look at His Reverence.
Put his brain in a mouse and
it'd go and live in a cat's bowl.
Eh, retard?
You're crazy!
- Come on then!
You come on!
- Chicken!
Let go a minute,
so I can punch him in the kisser.
Are they fuckin' about, or what?
How am I supposed to know?
Have you seen them come back out?
- No.
Then they're still in there,
aren't they? It's not difficult!
I desperately need to go to the toilet,
Pat. My guts are churning.
I'm gonna have an accident,
I can feel it.
Go in the bushes over there.
- I can't do that.
Want me to produce a toilet
out of my hat, or what?
I'm bursting, Pat.
I can't hold on any longer.
- We can't leave.
Ten minutes won't hurt,
there's nothing to see here anyway.
Careful!
Five...
Four, three, two, one.
What was that? Fireworks?
- You'll never believe this!
Greta! What was that?
Bastards!
Hey... Bastards!
Did I come at a bad time?
Just a bit, Dad.
What are you two doing?
Is it some kind of game?
- We've been attacked.
Attacked? Who by?
A bunch of nuns?
- No, Dad, by real attackers.
I don't believe it.
- They were armed.
You're having me on.
- We're not.
So what did they want?
- We don't know, they didn't say.
Did they take anything?
- No.
And you'd never seen these guys before?
- No, never.
That was Granny's car.
- I know, Dad.
It didn't have a mark on it.
When it rained, she left it
in the garage and called a taxi.
They don't make them like that any more.
- Could you give us a hand, Dad?
Here you are.
We've been humiliated, Frits.
Here, in our own home.
Dad thinks we're a couple of clowns.
- Yeah.
Has he ever thought otherwise?
If he has, I don't remember it.
Granny's car is a write-off.
I can't go on like this.
You got a plan?
We'll go back and
set light to his shack.
So that that Mouse realises
we're not to be messed with.
We know where he lives.
- Yeah, and he knows where we live.
Let him come! I'll be ready for him.
He's not some amateur, Freddy.
- Neither are we.
And how will we get there? By bus?
- We're not on a bus route.
Maybe I can ask the old prune across
the road if I can borrow their bus?
What will you say?
Good evening, old prune.
I just slit your Balou's throat
with Frits's new knife
and now I'd like to borrow your car
cos ours has just exploded.
Well... I won't say that, of course.
What then? I'd like to know.
I'm not going to say,
'Good evening, old prune...'
Maybe you could moon at them again.
I'll tell you what. I'll wait here.
What are you trying to say?
That I can't sort it?
Well, I'll fuckin' show you.
Get your briefcase ready.
Greta's in the bath.
- Greta doesn't need to know, Leon.
It's just between us two men.
I don't need it for long.
Half an hour at the most.
Has she been in there long?
- Where?
In the bath.
- Have you seen Balou anywhere?
No.
Why? Have you lost him?
- It's strange.
He's usually afraid of the dark.
Maybe those fireworks scared him.
I've had an idea.
If you lend me your bus and
Balou isn't back in an hour,
I'll go and look for him with Frits.
He loves dogs too.
We need a plan. We can't go charging in.
- I've got a plan.
I was afraid of that.
It's high time we showed the rest of
the world we're not a pair of losers.
And we absolutely have to do it tonight?
- Yep.
Careful.
- There isn't anyone here.
So? The alarm'll get set off again.
Fuckin' hell!
- Carlo! I'm trying to sleep.
I'll shoot you!
- Bloody hell, Carlo!
Nasty little fucker!
Let's go. Come on!
The police are on their way.
- We're really scared now.
Stay where you are. Hands up!
My husband will be here any minute.
- You're expecting quite a few people.
There's no money in the house.
- We know. We haven't come for that.
What have you come for then?
If it's for that bloody ugly clock,
feel free to take it with you.
I've got an idea.
You're insane.
- And you're a fuckin' wimp.
How long before those guys
pay us another visit? One hour? Two?
They may even get there before we do.
- Mouse doesn't know we've got her.
She could've just pissed off.
Bet you two fight now and then.
No.
- Liar.
That kind of woman doesn't piss off
cos of a fight.
She goes to see a lawyer and a bit later
the guy moves into a tiny apartment.
Mouse knows we haven't got a car
any more, so how can it have been us?
Use your brain! How would we get there?
It's a long way from where we live.
See?
- That's the result of using your brain?
Yeah.
- Well, I wouldn't do that too often.
Be careful. It's hot.
You don't have to keep that on,
you'll end up burning your hands.
Nice place.
- What? Not good enough for you, is it?
Miss Hoity-Toity.
Hey, what's going on?
Why isn't she wearing that any more?
- It's dark outside.
So?
I'm going to keep this.
Fuck, they're here already.
- We didn't hear a car.
Give that gun here.
- No, I need it.
Otherwise she'll scream the place down.
- So what do I do? Throw a shoe at them?
Come on, upstairs.
Upstairs.
D'you still need our bus?
- Good evening.
Freddy told Leon he'd bring it back.
- We got stuck in traffic.
Have you seen Balou anywhere?
- No. Have you lost him?
Freddy promised Leon you'd look for him.
- Freddy's in the bath.
I'll send him over.
- Right.
What happened to your car?
- It doesn't go any more.
I can see that for myself.
- A faulty connection.
Really?
I'll send him over. Freddy, about Balou.
What about our bus?
- He'll bring it with him.
I don't know where the keys are.
OK? Bye.
Was there something else?
- Yes.
Tell Freddy to stop.
- Stop what?
Mooning at us when you drive past.
- I'll tell him.
It's not a pretty sight, now is it?
- No.
We'll ask 100,000 euros. Cash.
You've no idea what you're getting into.
- That's true.
We didn't ask you.
If it works, how long d'you think
it'll be before they find us?
She's seen us, hasn't she?
Dammit!
- It's not my fault.
We'll have to get rid of her.
- For goodness' sake.
Have you got a better idea?
Ask 200,000.
And I get half.
I don't follow you.
- Carlo's got enough dough.
And you won't tell him it was us?
- No.
I don't believe you.
Half is a lot, isn't it?
- It's the same as you.
That's true. but there are two of us.
- That's not my fault, eh?
Why would you do that?
- Why d'you think? For the dough.
How does your old man earn his loot?
- By laundering money.
He told us he didn't have
any dirty money, the rascal.
Where does the money come from?
- That doesn't matter, Frits.
Doesn't it? Think! He's not doing it
for the corner shop, is he?
The whole thing stinks, Freddy. It's
the mafia and we're no match for them.
He made fools of us.
Here, in our own home.
And he blew up Granny's car.
What's in there?
Two little old ladies.
What d'you think is in there?
A cake.
- You must want something.
What are you planning to do
with that girl there?
Well... we want to spend
some time on our own.
We're not twelve any more, Dad, eh?
How long have you been seeing her?
- Phh... Quite a while.
And now you suddenly thought
the time had come to... be on your own.
Yeah, well...
What does she do for a living?
- She works in a laundry.
She's working class.
- She runs the place.
Does the laundry belong to her?
- It will do soon, probably.
What does she see in you?
- What?
You gonna spend the rest of your life
peddling Bibles?
There's no money in that.
That depends.
- People aren't interested these days.
I've told you before,
no one reads that any more.
You should sell copies of the Koran.
There's a future in that.
The Koran?
- Yes.
What about Freddy? What's he going
to do while you're not there?
Stay home, I think.
- He can't manage on his own.
It's only for two days, Dad.
Hear any more about those guys
who set light to Granny's car?
The cops are looking into it.
We can sleep soundly at night then.
Don't leave the place in a mess.
- Of course not, Dad.
I mean it. No mess, OK?
No. Dad.
She completely emptied the savings
account. And that was my money.
She only works part-time.
Now I've had a letter from her lawyer
saying she wants alimony.
Yet she cheated on me, not vice versa.
I told you, eh?
Do you think that's fair?
- No.
I took the letter to my lawyer.
I was there less than half an hour
and yesterday I received a bill
for 1,000 euros. A retaining fee.
D'you think that's right?
I'm sick to death of this.
I'm starving hungry.
- And there's no guarantee I'll win.
We've been taken for a ride
with Their Reverences.
They've got nothing to do with it.
It's nice and peaceful here.
Who's outside Mouse's place?
- No idea.
I need to have something to eat.
It's making me irritable.
I'm going to get something.
- I'll stay here.
Shall I bring something with me for you?
- No.
Yes. A chocolate waffle and a coke.
Hold on.
Keep it. Sounds like
you're gonna need it.
Can you see anything interesting, pal?
We've got a problem.
What's that?
- One of Mouse's men.
What's he doing on our toilet?
- He was out there with his binoculars.
He said he was birdwatching.
But he had a fuckin' gun on him.
Where d'you get the handcuffs?
- They were in his pocket.
What was he planning to do?
Now what?
- I don't know.
D'you know him?
- No.
Did you look in his wallet?
- He's got no wallet, no phone, nothing.
We're in the shit now.
What are we going to do with him?
Yeah, yeah, that'll do.
You can keep quiet.
Just to make things clear. Next time you
have an idea, don't bother telling me.
Yeah...
Stop!
- That's all we need.
Stop. Stop, dammit!
- Fuckin' hell.
What does she want?
- Her bus back. Get out of the way.
Keep going.
I'm sure they've gone to look for Balou.
- They almost drove right over me.
They didn't see you.
They're good boys. Always friendly.
They always wave when they go past.
- Wave?
I'm phoning the police.
- Calm down.
They'll bring the bus back later.
We don't need it for now.
They're up to something.
- Oh, come on...
They had a woman with them.
- Did they really?
Rather good neighbours
than bad friends.
You said ten more minutes...
that was over an hour ago.
This old banger won't go any faster.
- Try putting your foot down.
On that big pedal on the left.
You're joking!
- We're not setting up home here, madam.
I hope there's running water.
- Yeah, in the village.
And if you need to go to toilet?
- There, in the woods.
Come on.
You can shout as loud as you like,
no one can hear you.
Help!
No one.
There's been a big misunderstanding.
- I don't quite see it like that.
You set light to Granny's car.
And we're not taking that lying down.
I know nothing about that.
- Yeah.
I don't even bloody know your granny.
- Watch your language!
Don't let me hear bloody and Granny
in the same sentence again.
Or I'll shoot your head off.
Who do you think you are?
- I don't even know you two.
Oh no? So why did you
just say 'your granny'?
How do you know it's my granny too?
That we're brothers?
We didn't tell you that.
- No.
And we don't look alike either.
Take a good look.
We look completely different.
- He's taller and I'm better looking.
I just said it.
- No, no, no.
Guys like you don't just say things.
You're right, Frits.
We're not falling for that, pal.
Bloody hell.
When are you going to phone him?
Call him on your mobile and say you've
been kidnapped, then we'll take over.
Make sure he thinks you're real scared.
- I'll do my best.
And tell him not to involve the cops.
- Anything else?
Anyway, I don't think Carlo's likely to
go running to the cops.
What have you got us into now, eh?
Sweetheart? It's me.
Gina? Where are you?
- I've been kidnapped.
They made me call you.
Hello. Mr Mouse.
- Who am I talking to?
I've got your old woman.
If you ever want to see her alive again,
it's gonna cost you a lot of money.
Oh, right.
- 200,000 euros in 50 euro notes.
Used notes, not new ones.
Put them in a transparent plastic bag.
And if you try...
- Don't bother. I'm not interested.
You've come to the wrong guy
for games like that.
Hello?
Hello?
He's not interested.
- Did he hang up?
Yes.
- What? That's not on, is it?
What am I supposed to do about it?
I'm gonna call him back.
Who does he think he is?
Voicemail. I don't believe it.
I'm gonna fuckin' cut you up into bits.
Who d'you think you are?
I'll wipe the smile off your kisser.
Have you gone fuckin' crazy?
- What?
Now he definitely knows where to look.
- Does he?
Think he won't recognise your voice?
- You're a fine one!
Why would he recognise my voice
but not yours?
He always acts as if I'm the stupid one.
Greta!
- I'm not deaf.
Oh, I thought you were in the bathroom.
Spying on people again?
- No.
D'you think I've got
nothing better to do all day?
They're not home.
Hello, madam.
Freddy's borrowed our bus.
He said he only needed it for a bit.
But they drove off in it again
this morning without asking.
Frits was going to our caravan
in La Roche for two days.
I didn't know Freddy'd gone too.
- We'll be without a car for two days.
That's a bit of a nuisance.
- There was a girl with them.
Can you tell Freddy to keep his trousers
on when he drives past our place?
I don't know what you're on about.
- Every time he goes past, he...
Good afternoon, sir.
Good afternoon, madam.
No one home?
- No.
They've gone to the Ardennes for
two days, to the caravan in La Roche.
Is it urgent?
- Urgent? That depends...
I'm their father. Who you are?
- Mouse. Carlo Mouse.
Pleased to meet you.
- Right.
What did you want?
- We're like Frits.
We're philatelists.
All three of you?
- He's not quite as fanatical.
I'm not spending the night here.
- Aren't you?
Did madam think we were going to
some nice little botel?
I don't care, I'm not staying here.
- You don't get a say.
We kidnapped you, remember?
I'm really hungry.
- I've got other things to worry about.
I can't think when I'm hungry.
- Then wait a bit longer before you eat.
That was a joke.
- I didn't think it was funny.
I desperately need the john.
- That's your problem.
Let the guy go to toilet.
- Butt out.
What's your name?
- Charles.
Really? Like in the song?
What song?
Little Charlie, Little Charlie
Was caught by his balls up an apple tree
Don't you know it? It's a kids' song.
Everyone knows it.
I'm not who you think I am, I'm a cop.
- Yeah, right.
Nice try. But we don't believe you,
Charlie. A cop!
You work for Mouse.
- That's not true.
Guys, can I please...
- Go with the whingebag.
Fancy not knowing that song, Charlie!
Little Charlie, Little Charlie
Was caught by his balls up an apple tree
I've never seen him at our place.
Call him again.
Voicemail.
- Give here.
Listen carefully, Mouse.
We talked to your old woman
and know all about your dirty money.
And I know some people who'd be
really interested to hear about it.
I'd hate to be in your shoes.
Your old woman isn't happy either.
You've got 30 minutes to phone me back
and not a minute longer, jerk.
Who does he think he is?
Listen to that.
- Listen carefully, Mouse.
We talked to your old woman and
know all about your dirty money.
And I know some people who'd be
really interested to hear about it.
I'd hate to be in your shoes.
Your old woman isn't happy either.
D'you think that Gina...
- Now's not the time for that.
She's already been through a lot.
Well, I mean...
You know what I mean.
Hey, what d'you think we should do?
Wait here a minute.
I didn't see anyone, officer. It's not
like I watch the place all day long.
I've got better things to do than that.
Well?
Nothing, pal. No sign of life anywhere.
Where on earth can he be?
- You were the last one to see him.
You're gonna be in the shit
back at the station.
You shouldn't have left him here alone.
- Now what?
Are you going to start having a go at me
too? I was only gone for twenty minutes.
It's not allowed, is it?
- I suppose you never eat?
And if you need a piss,
you take him with you?
Tell that to the guv'nor
back at the station.
Tell him you needed a piss
and it took twenty minutes.
And you didn't want to
take your pal with you.
Hello, madam.
- Hello.
D'you know where Their Reverences are?
- They've gone to the Ardennes.
To their caravan in La Roche.
- On holiday?
They took our bus with them.
Just like that, without asking.
Excuse me, sir.
Are you going to the village?
Village?
Do you speak Dutch?
No, Flemish.
Here, let me hold that for you.
Can you give me a lift to the village?
I'm in a hurry.
I've been standing here for an hour.
Another time, maybe.
- I won't give you your bag back.
I'm gonna get angry, I can feel it.
- Don't be so silly.
Oh, sorry.
Fuckin' hell!
Sorry.
I'll walk.
- No way. Fuckin' hell! Silly bitch!
Come on. Get in. And shut the fuck up.
Happy now? I told you you couldn't
have a lift and I didn't have time.
There was no way I could know...
- You don't listen!
And now I'm the one
left holding the baby.
What d'you want from me?
- Not a fuckin' thing.
I don't bloody believe it.
Fuck!
Fuckin' hell!
We were tailing Carlo Mouse.
- Really?
He does business with gangs from
Bulgaria and Russia. Import, export.
Those guys are really dangerous and we
saw you come out of there yesterday...
Well, run out of there, because the gate
was closed. Then we followed him later.
And he drove to your place.
And we saw him go in.
No, Charlie. No.
No, no.
Cops always come in twos, or more.
- Yeah.
There are jokes about it. You were there
all by yourself with your binoculars.
Yeah, but my colleague had just
popped to the shop. He was hungry.
D'you think Charlie looks like a cop?
No.
You've got an accountant's face.
What the hell's going on, Freddy?
- Come on. Get out.
We've got problems, guys.
- Did that come free with the shopping?
Who is that?
- What's going on?
You're hungry, go to buy
some bread and yoghurt
and come back with a chick
and a mangy dog.
She wanted a lift and I said no.
Then I bent down and she saw my gun.
Now I get it.
Good job we didn't come in the Daf.
There wouldn't have been
enough bloody room.
Why can't you use your stupid head?
Aren't things bad enough already?
Aren't we in enough shit?
I haven't got a stupid head.
D'you speak Flemish?
Couldn't you have found someone else
to cadge a lift from?
We've gotta get out of here, now.
- Why?
Mouse pulled up
as I drove off from the shop.
Wbat?
- How did he end up there?
How does he know we're here?
- Well...
You think I...
- Yes.
You really don't use
your stupid head, eh? How could I?
He took my phone off me yesterday
and has had it ever since.
Yeah, right, I phoned him.
Stay here, you.
Here.
Did he see you?
- No, but he'll be here before long.
Was he alone?
- I don't know.
What are we going to do with her?
Take her with us.
Here.
I don't want to come.
- Tough. It's not up to you.
Get down, or I'll blow your head off.
And shut the fuck up!
What's he going to do?
Hello, Freddy.
Long time no see.
Hello, Mr Ren.
I'm Frits. My brother is Freddy.
How's your dad?
- Fine. Fine, thanks.
My guv'nor asked me to pop by.
Some Flemish colleagues phoned.
Apparently, a policeman disappeared
in your road in Flanders.
A policeman, a cop. In your road.
D'you hear me?
Hold on.
Have you ever seen this guy
near your place?
No.
- Take another look. Go on.
Look.
MISSING PERSON
INSPECTOR CHARLES WILLEMS
No.
- You didn't see anything unusual?
No, I didn't see anything. No.
Your brother didn't either?
- No.
We're always together. See?
My brother and I are always together.
That's yours.
- Yeah. Yeah...
What? Aren't you going to answer it?
- No. No...
OK...
I'll call you back.
It's not urgent.
What the hell is he up to?
Mouse'll be here any minute.
Get right down, you.
- Go on, shoot me.
What did you say?
- Retard.
What?
- Don't understand that word?
Don't wind me up!
- Calm down. Or accidents'll happen.
He probably had
a heart attack somewhere.
I'm telling you, Freddy, the biggest
problem we have today is stress.
You slave away.
Everyone thinks everything's fine.
And then, suddenly, you kick the bucket.
Yeah...
Going home already?
- Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Got to work tomorrow, eh?
Right, say hello to your dad for me.
- Sure.
Don't forget, eh?
- No, no. I won't. I won't.
What's up? You gonna tell me or what?
Charles is a cop.
Think that's funny?
- I'm pissing myself laughing.
Why d'you suddenly say that?
- Ren had a photo of him.
They're looking for him
and the cops think we're involved.
What's going on, Charles?
- I told you, guys. I said...
Why do they suspect us?
- How am I supposed to know?
What do we do?
The joker heard everything.
You're the one who dragged him along.
- Don't start that.
I didn't hear anything. Honestly.
- You go deaf now and then, or what?
It's simple, eh? He's gotta disappear.
- You can't kill him, he's not a dog.
Got a better idea?
- Nothing's happened, guys.
I won't say anything, I swear.
Let us go. We'll make our own way.
No, I don't trust you.
Nice try, but it's out of the question.
After all, he's a cop, eh?
It's Mouse.
What did I say? I was going to call you
back. Which bit didn't you understand?
I was going to call you.
What did he want?
- He didn't say, Freddy.
It's nice here, isn't it?
Nice place to come for a walk
with the family in the summer.
Have we lost something, gentlemen?
- Dunno what you may've lost,
but I've lost my wife.
And you think
you're gonna find her here?
In my caravan?
- Two gentlemen phoned me.
They demanded 200,000 euros.
What are you trying to say?
That your old woman's been kidnapped?
Exactly. Yes...
She's obviously no ordinary girl.
- That's for sure.
She's no ordinary girl.
- No.
She's...
But I refuse to be blackmailed
by two retarded monks.
I can understand that.
Do I know these two retarded monks?
No, no, no. It all started
when you set that alarm off.
And when you stupidly
left your briefcase there.
I'll tell you what, I've had enough.
You sort it. I'm going home.
Come on, everyone out.
Show's over. Come on.
I'm not gonna be made a fool of.
I'm calling Mouse,
he can have his old woman back.
You're not!
- We'll see about that.
What are you doing?
- I'm gonna whack you with this branch.
That's not a branch, that's a root.
Branches grow in the air,
roots grow under the ground.
They always have done.
Don't.
Come on, Freddy.
Bloody hell. Stop it, pal. You'll...
You asked for it.
Stop or I'll shoot.
Happy now?
- Shut up!
Honestly!
- Get back.
Think I don't dare?
Get off, you mangy mongrel.
Stay here, you.
- I haven't got anything to do with it.
Yeah, right. Go and stand over there.
Give me the keys to the bus.
- That bus isn't ours.
That's not my problem. The keys, now!
Stop this, miss. Give that gun here.
Come on.
Want me to hurt you?
- I'll shoot.
What with? It's not loaded.
I took all the bullets out.
Yeah, right.
- Sboot me then.
Shoot!
There, what did I tell you?
Go on, try again.
Fuck!
D'you mind? What a farce!
I've been waving an empty gun at people.
Exactly. D'you know why? I've told you
loads of times. You're a fuckin' psycho.
It's Mouse. You sort it.
You always know best anyway.
Hello?
No, it's Freddy.
Yes, he's my brother.
OK, I'll put him on.
He wants you.
- I've got nothing to say to the guy.
Tell him that yourself.
Hello?
- Let's resolve this. I've got the cash.
Really? Hold on a minute.
He says he's got the cash.
- Yes! Yes!
How come, all of a sudden?
- Doesn't matter. He got scared, eh?
Scared of who? Not of us.
- Do the deal.
- In used 50 euro notes, not new ones.
Oh, so you remembered?
- Yeah, yeah.
In a transparent plastic bag.
But I want to talk to my wife first.
- Hold on.
He wants to talk to you.
Carlo? You've gotta help me.
Happy?
- Where shall we meet?
I'll call you back in ten minutes, OK?
Hello?
We've got to come up with a plan.
- I'm aware of that too.
I don't trust it.
- Don't start.
I want a share of the money too.
- What did you say?
This has got nothing to do with you.
- Oh no? I was kidnapped.
And threatened with a gun.
- Tbat wasn't loaded.
I want 25.000 euros.
or I'll go to the cops.
You won't have far to go,
there's one standing next to you.
This isn't looking good.
- Butt out, arsehole.
Mouse'll never let you go.
- We'll keep his old woman then.
She can come and live with us
in our bungalow, like Snow White.
Listen, I'll help you.
- I don't trust you.
D'you really think Mouse is scared of
you two? He'll easily find you.
Start by untying me.
- No way. So you can run off?
No. We'll go to Mouse together and I'll
be in charge, so there are no accidents.
Why would you help us?
- I was wondering that too, Charlie.
You're a cop. If that gets out...
- It needn't get out.
Listen, I can't tell you much,
but we're really close to nailing Mouse.
We've got enough evidence.
It's a matter of days.
And then he'll lose
his beautiful villa too.
Any cash he's got will be dirty money.
He won't be going into detail.
Untie me first.
I don't believe a word.
He thinks we're stupid.
I wonder why?
He's a cop. He'll wait till we turn
round, then he'll hit us over the head.
I'd untie him, if it were up to me.
Me too.
It's a bad idea.
Don't come crying to me afterwards.
A very bad idea.
We'll split it 50-50.
There you go!
We'd end up out of fuckin' pocket.
She wants half, big mouth there wants
That's not on, Charles.
Told you! We're the ones
caught by our balls up an apple tree!
Work it out between yourselves.
I want half.
Bloody money-grubber. Is that what
they teach you at cop school?
Two minutes.
Come with me, you. Come on.
We're letting them make fools of us.
- Glad you realise.
We'll give the silly bitch back to Mouse
and keep all the dough for ourselves.
Now you're talking.
We'll kick the cop, the girl
and her mongrel out on the way.
They can walk back together.
It's not really fair, is it?
D'you know how long it takes to earn it?
- I do at least, yeah.
Have you wondered how you're going to
get your share of the cash?
Or have you arranged for those two
to pay it into your account next week?
Then we'll go abroad.
- To Spain.
No, Freddy, the South of France.
- Why France?
Do you speak Spanish?
- No.
Well then.
And once Mouse is in the slammer.
we'll come home at our leisure.
What about Charlie? He'll be cross.
What if we make sure
all the dough's gone?
If the cops come and question us,
we'll pretend ignorance.
It'll be Charles's word against ours.
And there are two of us.
I'll make sure you get your share.
- Really?
Half. And you'll get
Hey. Hold on...
Yeah, stop there.
Engine off.
- Engine off.
Get out and show us the money.
- Get out and show us the money.
Hold the bag up in the air.
Bloody hell. I'm dying for a piss.
Walk slowly over to here.
Did you hear me? Take your time.
I can't wait much longer.
I want to see my wife first.
- He wants to see her.
Gina, get out. Get out.
There she is. Happy now?
Come over here, with your arms up.
Hey, Mouse. No, no.
I said come over here.
Dammit, he won't go through the water.
Oh fuck!
Get down. Quick.
Hold on, Mouse.
Oh, Mr Ren.
- Hello, Freddy.
Hello.
- Hello.
Next time we meet,
the drinks are on you.
What?
That's what we say in Flanders.
Forget it.
D'you know that guy?
Oh, no. No, I've never
seen him before in my life.
I don't like those kind of people.
They're cocky upstarts.
Where's your brother?
- My brother? I don't know.
Oh, there he is.
Surprise!
Hello, Mr Ren.
How are you? Keeping well?
That's yours.
- Ah...
Oh, it's not urgent.
What about you? D'you know that guy?
- Over there? No, no, no.
Are you sure?
- Yes, yes, very sure.
Right then...
Don't forget to
say hello to your dad for me.
No, no.
See you later. Miss.
Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
Hello, Mouse?
I've got a surprise for you.
Fuckin' hell, it's Dad!
I don't believe this.
- Shit.
Why's he there?
- How should I know?
I didn't put him in there.
- He won't be very happy.
Go on.
That wasn't what we agreed.
He wasn't supposed to come too.
Give that phone here.
- No.
And now they cross at the same time.
I'll count to five. Then Gina and
your dad set off at the same time.
No crap either
or we'll sboot a hole in him.
Why isn't he at home watching the box?
- You can ask him yourself.
Right. One, two...
- Go on, cross over to Mouse.
You must be joking! Through that water?
My boots'll be ruined.
Go on, granddad.
We want our dad back.
- That's not my problem.
Will you fuckin' well cross over?
Pair of amateurs!
Don't blame me.
Fuckin' hell!
- Freddy, no.
Freddy, come back. Freddy.
Freddy, no.
- Come here.
Fuck you!
Freddy, don't.
Freddy, come back.
Sorry, Dad.
Those guys blew up Granny's car. They're
real lowlifes. You saw that yourself.
Fuckin' psychos.
Hello, sir.
Where's she gone?
Gina!
- Gina!
Fuckin' hell! I don't believe this!
Where's she gone?
- I don't know.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
- That depends.
Oh yeah? What on?
- I can't read your mind, Carlo.
Yeah, true...
Probably a good job too.
Fuckin' bloody hell!
A dreadful business, eh?
- Yeah, Dad.
We're a couple of dimwits, eh?
I really thought that
as you two got older you would...
What?
You know how it all started, eh?
- You gonna start that again?
It was your idea to take her with us.
And you brought the cop along.
- What cop?
D'you know what you are?
- Tell me.
You're...
- What, what, what?
Off your rocker.
- And you're an old woman.
I can't live with him anymore, Dad.
- Move out then.
Why do I have to move out?
You move out. Go and live with Dad.
That is not a good idea.
What did I tell you? You never listen.
We look a right pair of fools now.
- Fuck!
Good morning, gentlemen.
What can I do for you?
- Good morning, sir.
Are you religious?
- Well...
That's a rather personal question.
Have you read the Koran?
No.
Well, we think that if we were to
get to know each other better,
it would be easier to
live together in harmony.
You could have a point.
- Yes, there would be fewer prejudices.
I don't really have any prejudices.
Is that right?
- Yes, I think so.
Live and let life, I always say.
Another bloody Dutchman.
They're all the same.
I've lived in Belgium for fifteen years.
- Have you? Why?
Wasn't it much fun in Holland anymore?
- My wife's Belgian.
Couldn't you find one in Holland?
What about being tolerant?
- That's beside the point.
Us being tolerant doesn't mean everyone
can come and bother our women.
Bother them? My wife liked me.
- You don't believe that.
Pretentious jerk.
- Come on, Freddy, let's go.
But it's true...
- Let's try next door.
He's laughing at us. In our own country.
- Yeah, yeah, that'll do.
You saw him yourself. I'm not having
that. I don't take crap from anyone.
No, Freddy.
- Especially not from a Dutchman.
Did you see his house?
And there's us paying our tax.
We haven't paid any this year.
- It's a matter of principle.
What principle?
- Don't you understand?
The principle of the Dutchman
in his nice villa with his dirty money.
While we go out to work.
And pinching our women too.
What women? We haven't got any women.
- It's a matter of principle.
If you were less aggressive,
we'd have got in.
Me aggressive? Me?
- Yes, you.
INSPECTOR CHARLES WILLEMS
NOW PAYS ALIMONY EVERY MONTH
AND HIS CAREER
CHANGED COURSE.
GINA DISCOVERED THA THE LORD NOT ONLY GIVES.
SHE IS LOOKING FOR
A NEW RELATIONSHIP.
KIM WAS NOT IN THE LEAST BI TRAUMATISED BY HER ABDUCTION.
SHE DYED HER HAIR
AND TOOK UP ACTING.