Funny Girl (1968) Movie Script

Hello, gorgeous.
Miss Fanny?
-Miss Fanny?
-Down here, Emma. Third row.
I came in early to tidy up,
and the doorman said you were in.
What you doing out there?
It's the one place in the theater
I've never sat.
Maybe things look different from here.
This is the day, isn't it?
Any word yet?
No. The wire just said tonight.
You nervous?
Nervous, happy, scared, excited....
I'm going to make a fresh pot
of coffee. You coming?
No, no. I think I'll just sit here
for a while, okay?
Well, I'll be in the dressing room
if you want me.
Mr. Ziegfeld wants to see you.
When you feel like it, he says.
He'll be waiting in his office.
Thanks, Em.
Did you hear that, Mrs. Strakosh?
Ziegfeld is waiting for me.
For me.
See, you were wrong, Mrs. Strakosh.
No, Fanny, darling, I'm not wrong.
For a girl, for average,
you're a pleasure.
But when people pay good money
in the theater...
...especially the male element,
they want something extra to look at.
But if a girl isn't--
If a girl isn't what?
If a girl isn't pretty
Like a Miss Atlantic City
All she gets from life
Is pity and a pat
Kindly name a star who hasn't
Won a contest or a pageant
If she hasn't she just never
Gets to bat
She must a-shine in every detail
Like a ring you're buyin' retail
Be a standard size that
Fits a standard dress
When a girl's incidentals
Are no bigger than two lentils
Then to me
It doesn't spell success
Don't worry Mrs. Strakosh,
they'll look at me.
The whole world will look at me
and be stunned.
That was all right when you were
a child and made funny faces.
-Then, you were cute.
-My condolences, you're no longer cute.
From three faces that could cause ya
to have temporary nausea
Do I have to hear a lecture
Such as that?
Is a nose with deviation
Such a crime against the nation?
-Ma. Ma. -Should I throw her into jail
Or drown the cat?
Ma! Bye.
So she looks
A bit off balance
She possesses
Golden talents
Or is that a pill too bitter
To digest?
I've got them! Right off the net!
Fresh fish!
Fresh fish!
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
No, no, it's all right.
I'm one of the 8 Beautiful Girls 8.
Well, the makeup helps a lot.
Sell it, sell it.
Get in there, Fanny.
Knees high. High! Way up there.
Hold it, Eddie.
Hold it!
You, with the skinny legs.
You. Yes, you, with the bloomers!
-You're fired.
You call that a replacement? What,
Eddie, did you owe somebody a favor?
-It seemed like a funny idea.
-What's funny about that?
-That's what I say.
-Everybody back at 4.
Yeah, but listen.
Wait, you're making a mistake.
I've got a lot of experience, honest.
I've been on-stage since I was 10.
Amateur contests,
Gottlieb's Southern Repertory...
...professional companies.
I doubled six parts.
I played a daughter and her father.
A 60-year-old Indian chief.
Listen, girlie--
Please, you've got to face facts.
You don't look like the other girls.
- I know but--
-You've got skinny legs, you stick out.
-And you are out! Eddie?
-I'm trying to tell you something--
-Sorry, kid.
-Give me a chance!
-I do a terrific time step! Watch!
Look, Mr. Keeney, suppose
all you ever had was onion rolls.
Now, all of a sudden, in walks a bagel.
So you take a look at it and say,
"What is that?"...
...until you tried it.
So that's my trouble.
What's your trouble?
I'm a bagel on a plate
full of onion rolls!
Nobody recognizes me. Listen:
I got 36 expressions
Sweet as pie to tough as leather
And that's six expressions more
Than all them Barrymores put together
Come on.
Instead of just kicking me
Why don't they give me a lift?
-Come on.
Well, it must be a plot
'Cause they're scared that I got
Such a gift
Oh, sure. Let's go.
Well, I'm miffed
'Cause I'm the greatest star
I am by far
But no one knows it
They're gonna hear a voice
A silver flute
They'll cheer each toot
Hey, that kid is terrific
When I expose it
Can't you see to look at me
That I'm a natural Camille
As Camille I just feel
I've so much to offer
Hey, listen, kid
I know I'd be divine
Because I'm a natural cougher
Some ain't got it, not a lump
I'm a great big clump of talent Laugh
They'll bend in half
Did you ever hear the story
About the traveling salesman?
A thousand jokes
Stick around for the jokes -Sure.
A thousand faces
I reiterate
When you're gifted
Then you're gifted
These are facts
I got no ax to grind
Hey, what are you, blind?
In all of the world so far
I'm the greatest star
-No autographs, please.
-What? What'd she say?
You think beautiful girls'll
stay in style forever?
I should say not. Any minute now
they're gonna be out. Finished!
Then it'll be my turn!
-Mom! Ma!
Who is the pip with pizazz?
Who is all ginger and jazz?
Who is as glamorous as?
Who's an American beauty rose?
With an American beauty nose
And 10 American beauty toes
Eyes on the target and wham
One shot, one gunshot
And bam
Hey, Mr. Kenney
Here I am
I'm the greatest star
I am by far
But no one knows it
That's why I was born
I'll blow my horn
Till someone blows it
I'll light up like a light
Right up like a light
I'll flicker then flare up
All the world's gonna stare up
Lookin' down
You'll never see me
Try the sky
'Cause that'll be me
I can make 'em cry
I can make 'em sigh
Someday they'll clamor
For my "drammer"
Have you guessed yet
Who's the best yet
If you ain't
I'll tell you one more time
You'll bet your last dime
In all of the world so far
I am the greatest
You're no chorus girl.
You're a singer and a comic.
Yeah. With skinny legs.
So why'd you try out for the chorus?
Because that's what
you were looking for.
If you were looking for a juggler,
I'd have been a juggler.
I just gotta get
on the stage somehow.
How come you hired me?
Because you wanted it so much.
You sure you're tough enough
for show business?
Maybe not.
-Say, can you roller-skate?
-You got a sudden urge to go skating?
I'm trying out a novelty number tomorrow.
If you can skate, be here at noon.
-What about Keeney?
-He won't be in till night.
-By then the number'll be in the show.
-He'll kill you. Might even fire you.
Not if you're good.
Are you sure you can roller-skate?
Can I roller-skate?
-You said you could skate.
-I didn't know I couldn't.
The roller skate rag
Is a really up-to-date rag
It's heard every place
You find the grand ole flag
Click your skates
Spin your wheels
You're gonna be surprised
How your torso feels
Go. Get out there.
The girls in Paree
In gay Paree across the sea
Say it's bigger than fads
That ever used to be
Thanks, mister, I really--
Hey, you!
Click your skates
Spin your wheels, twirl your hips
Click, spin, twirl
-What are you doing?
-Stay there.
-What are you doing?
Fanny, they liked you. Go back out
there, Fan. Go ahead, honey.
-Go back--
-It's my show!
No, you don't.
-I'm sorry.
Her. On her. Over there!
Eddie, they liked it!
Did you hear that--?
-Mr. Keeney--
-Eddie, get the next act on.
What do you think I'm paying you for?
So they shouldn't like it?
You're paying me?
I don't know what you're paying me,
but I bet it isn't enough.
When I get around to thinking
about you, I'll let you know.
Well, if it isn't Miss Roller Skates.
-Listen, I'm really sorry, girls.
-Oh, sure you are.
We heard the applause.
I'm sorry I loused up the number,
but I couldn't help it.
Long as I did, I'm glad it was a hit.
Who do you think will see you
in this dump? Florenz Ziegfeld?
Why not? You think the word
can't spread? I'll spread it myself.
Listen I know a lady who knows the lady
who makes his shirts.
-Sure you do.
-He's gonna hear about me.
Go ahead and laugh.
I'm telling you something.
One night, you'll be laughing
and kidding, just like that...
...and there'll be a knock.
You see? And there he'll be, Ziegfeld!
I'm sorry to disappoint you,
but the name's Arnstein.
-Did you wanna see someone?
-I beg your pardon?
-Oh, I mean, your shirt.
It's absolutely the most gorgeous
thing I've ever seen in my life.
What's it made out of?
Oh, French handkerchief linen.
It goes very limp, though.
Yeah. I can see.
Except, it's really beautiful.
All the tailcoats I've seen, I mean...
...well, they were rented, you know...
...they all got these stiff shirts.
Well, this one's just for fun.
You've probably heard this
very often that it's boring...
...but I had to come back to tell you
how much I enjoyed what you did.
It's not so boring. You'd be
surprised how boring it isn't.
You're going to be a big star
someday, Miss....
Brice. Fanny Brice.
Fanny Brice.
I'll look for it in lights.
-What'd you say your name was?
-Nick Arnstein.
Nicky Arnstein, Nicky Arnstein
What a beautiful, beautiful name
-Thinking about me yet, Mr. Keeney?
-Oh, it's you. Hello, Arnstein.
I'll give you $25 a week.
Take it or leave it.
-I'll take it.
-Leave it.
I'm offering 35.
What you mean, you're offering?
Since when are you--?
In show business? I'm not.
One of your competitors
authorized me to deal for him...
...whenever I ran across a talent
I considered really unique.
...$35 a week?
Well, I wasn't authorized
to go over 50.
Keeney, she's yours for $50 a week.
Yeah. Yeah.
Fifty dollars a week?
Fifty a week?
I'm practically a millionaire!
-Hey, who's the competitor?
-There's no competitor.
What do you mean, you were bluffing?
Like in a poker game?
-Well, what if Keeney stopped first?
-You'd have lost.
-I would've lost a job.
-I was willing to take a chance.
With my job?
Hey, Nicky.
-Come on.
-We're waiting. Hurry up.
I'll be with you in a minute.
Are those yours?
I'm just minding them for a friend.
Look, we're going to Delmonico's
for supper. Won't you join us?
We'd be happy to wait
while you change.
I'd have to change too much.
Nobody could wait that long.
I'd have a much better time
and a lot more laughs.
...thanks anyway...
...but I gotta meet a gang of people
at my mother's saloon.
You want a couple of jokes
to take with you?
I'll wait till the next time we meet,
which will be soon, I hope.
Nicky Arnstein, Nicky Arnstein
He's got polish on his nails
Tell them to put a little starch in the
last rinse. That way, it won't go so limp.
A little starch... the last rinse.
Thank you. I won't forget.
Nicky Arnstein, Nicky Arnstein
I'll never see him again
There's a telegram!
-There's a telegram for Mrs. Brice!
-Telegram, telegram, telegram!
Come on, telegram!
There's a telegram for the Brices!
The Western Union man.
That's life for you. Somebody's dead.
Come on, telegram!
A telegram for Mrs. Brice!
What is it? Come on.
-What do you think of my new song?
-I like the old one better.
Yeah, but I'm tired of it.
I've been singing it for six months.
What's that?
-Oh, look, here's Fanny now.
-Let her mama tell her.
Who is it, Mama?
Auntie Blanche or Lou?
He died?
"Dear Miss Brice. Stop.
Please meet me
at the New Amsterdam Theatre...
...on Thursday morning at 11. Stop.
Florence Ziegfeld."
See? By heart, like
the Pledge Allegiance.
Mazel tov, Fanny, darling, mazel tov.
-I knew you could do it.
-My stomach aches.
I wonder how a mother
could call a boy Florence.
It's Florenz.
I wonder how a mother
could call a boy Florenz.
-You think it's a job or an audition?
-A job.
You know what I think?
Somebody talked to him about me.
See, I met this guy backstage
one night with a ruffled shirt on.
Just the kind of guy you figure
to know Ziegfeld.
I bet you he said a word.
That's what must have happened.
-Oh, my head aches.
-Nothing aches.
-You're built like a horse.
-I have nothing to wear.
What's she been walking around in
all this time? Towels?
It's coming too easy.
That's what's got me scared.
Where's all the suffering
before you click?
And the hard knocks, and the setbacks
you're supposed to learn from?
This is too quick.
I haven't suffered enough yet.
You haven't got the job yet. Who says if
you get it, in a week you can't lose it?
So cheer up. Maybe you'll suffer later.
I am guaranteed, If you're as bossy
with Ziegfeld as you are with--
I am not bossy with you or anyone.
And even if I was...
...Ziegfeld isn't just anyone.
And believe me...
...whatever Mr. Ziegfeld tells me to do,
that's what I am going to do.
Even our piano in the parlor
Father bought for 10 cents
On the dollar
Second hand pearls
I'm wearin'
Second hand curls
I never get a single thing
That's new
Even Jake the plumber
He's the man I adore
He had the nerve to tell me
He's been married before
Everyone knows that I'm just
Second hand Rose
From Second Avenue
From Second Avenue
Bravo, Miss Brice! Perfectly charming,
and I'm delighted.
John, will you get the bride music
for Miss Brice, please?
-Yes, sir.
-You mean I'm hired?
-I'm a Ziegfeld Girl?
-That's exactly what you are.
I'm a Ziegfeld Girl.
Miss Brice, you will do
"Second Hand Rose" in the first act...
...and you will sing
this new number in the finale all right?
Anything you say Mr. Ziegfeld.
And just go along with Tony,
and he'll teach it to you.
John, I want to see the second act
opening right from the top.
I'll watch it from the balcony.
Turn on the rails.
Right, sir. Oh, Bill, will you turn on
the rails for Mr. Ziegfeld, please?
We'll do the second act opening, kids.
This way, miss.
Paul. Paul?
Mr. Ziegfeld? Mr. Ziegfeld?
Yoo-hoo, Mr. Ziegfeld?
Mr. Ziegfeld?
Georgia, you're late.
Sorry, Flo.
-Where is he?
-He's up above. Like God.
Mr. Ziegfeld?
Mr. Ziegfeld? Mr. Ziegfeld?
Yes, Miss Brice?
I don't wanna be in the finale.
What was that you said?
Well, I just....
I can't sing words like:
"I am the beautiful reflection
of my love's affection." I mean....
Why not?
Well, it's embarrassing. Listen.
Why don't I just do my first act number...
...and we'll call it a night, okay?
-No, it's not okay.
-Why not?
Miss Brice, may I remind you
that you're in my theater?
So nobody argues with the landlord?
Just wait right there. I'm coming down.
Take five. Take five, everybody.
Just take...
-Is that bad, he's coming down?
-Only if you wanna stay in the show.
-Look, what's your name?
-Fanny Brice.
-I am Georgia James.
-Tell him you were wrong.
-But I'm not.
Well, in that case,
it was nice to have met you.
Miss Brice?
Now, what is all this?
Not two minutes ago you said:
"Anything you say, Mr. Ziegfeld."
Yes, and I'm sorry.
But if I come out opening night...
...telling the audience how beautiful
I am, I'll be back at Keeney's...
-...before the curtain comes down.
-I assure you that won't happen.
But I need a strong voice
in the finale.
But please take me out of it Mr. Ziegfeld.
Miss Brice, if I take you out
of the finale...
...I will also take you out
of the Follies. It's just that simple.
Okay, you win.
Thank you.
You don't win fair, but you win.
John, forget the second act opening.
I want to see the bride number
Right from the top with Miss Brice.
-She can walk through it.
-Right, sir.
All right,
this'll be the bride number.
Mr. Ziegfeld?
Mr. Ziegfeld!
Now what?
-Listen, can I hum it?
-All right. Okay, girl.
You will sing the words
exactly as written.
And that, Miss Brice,
is the end of this discussion.
Yes, Mr. Ziegfeld.
Whatever you say, Mr. Ziegfeld.
I'm sorry.
The most beautiful bride
In the world
And we are the very lucky gents
Who'll be standing at the sides
Of the scintillating brides
Florenz Ziegfeld
Now presents
You are the beautiful reflection
Of his love's affection
The walking illustration
Of his adoration
His love makes you beautiful
So beautiful
So beautiful
You ask your looking glass
What is it
Makes you so exquisite
The answer to your query
Comes back, dearie
His love makes you beautiful
So beautiful
So beautiful
And woman loved
Is woman glorified
You'll make a beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful, beautiful bride
-The winter bride is typified By
Christmas, frost and fairies
An though the weather is changeable
Her virtue never varies
-The springtime bride
Is starry-eyed
-And poets often say
-No other bride
Would dare to dream
The dreams that April
-The summer bride is glorified
By Merlin's magic touch
A lucky man receives
The love
-Of June
-And such
-The autumn bride is prudent and wise
At sweet 16 or 20
And as a wife in future life
She'll hold the horn of plenty
And now a singing bride
Who vocally encompasses
The happiness and harmony
That marriage truly promises
I am
the beautiful reflection
Of my love's affection
A walking illustration
Of his adoration
His love makes you beautiful
So beautiful, so beautiful
I ask my looking glass
What is it makes me
So exquisite
The answer to your query
Comes back, dearie
His love makes you beautiful
So beautiful
So beautiful
You are so beautiful
I am so beautiful
You are so beautiful
The most beautiful bride
In the world
-My friend the shows topper.
Listen, you could have told me about it.
-I didn't know about it...
...until I was in my dressing room,
and I saw--
I had to do something.
Ladies and gentlemen,
thank you very much.
It went beautifully.
You were all very good...
...and I am proud of you.
-Thank you.
-Wonderful, Flo.
-That finale topped everything.
-Mr. Ziegfeld, I--
-Be quiet.
The bride number was wonderful,
Mr. Zegfeld.
Yes, that was fun, wasn't it?
All right, Miss Brice.
-I'm waiting.
-I don't blame you for being mad.
But I didn't do it out of spite.
Honest. Really. I didn't plan it.
I was just sitting here and....
"Oh, look. What do you know?"
Because I couldn't do it straight
like those girls.
They would have laughed.
-And they did.
-Yes, but it was my joke. You see?
They laughed with me, not at me.
Because I wanted them to laugh.
But, I mean--
You know what I mean.
No, explain it to me.
-Miss Brice can't see anyone.
-Oh, not even her mama?
-Darling, everybody's talking.
You were wonderful.
You know, we're so proud of you,
we're ready to bust.
Proud, yes. But surprised, no.
-Mr. Ziegfeld, this is my mother.
-Oh, the big boss.
Oh, Mr. Ziegfeld.
You have a hit on your hands.
-Especially with my daughter, Fanny.
This is Mrs. Strakosh, our neighbor.
And this is Eddie Ryan. He's my friend.
-Oh, Mr. Ziegfeld. How do you do?
-How do you do?
Mr. Ziegfeld, you're a genius.
To put a beautiful wedding gown
on a girl that's in the family way.
Who would think of such a thing?
Only one person I know.
I think we'd better go. Mrs. Brice is
expecting half the neighborhood.
Half? All.
Free beer. You come, huh?
Mama, I'll come home soon if I can.
Take your time darling.
I'm gonna be so busy showing off.
How many mothers on Henry Street
are the mother of a Ziegfeld star?
-I'll see you later.
Well, you have a charming mother,
and I have a problem.
I ought to fire you, but I love talent.
And, well, it's hard to quarrel
with five curtain calls.
Well, there you are.
That's my problem.
So I guess I'll have
to give you another chance.
Oh, Mr. Ziegfeld!
-Did he fire you?
-Not yet.
But I'll ring the curtain
down on you...
...if you ever disobey my orders again.
I won't. I won't. Never, ever.
I'll do it straight tomorrow night.
I mean...
...without the pillow.
You'll do it exactly as you did tonight.
-That's an order.
-You mean you liked it?
No! But the audience did. That's why
I'm going to give you another number.
I'll choose a new song for you.
Oh, thank you, Mr. Ziegfeld!
The only thing is, about that song....
I mean, a song, you know,
it's a very, very intimate thing.
I mean, it's really
between me and the audience.
So one of the things I really feel
definite about is choosing my own.
Choosing your own what?
Songs. Songs.
Good evening.
-And congratulations. Both of you.
-Hello, Nick.
-It's you, my first ruffled shirt.
-Good to see you. How are they running?
Oh, ahead, Flo, just like you
and this little girl.
First time I saw her, I had a hunch
you two belonged together.
I have the same hunch.
And it's aging me...
I knew it. I am sure of it.
It was you who told him about me.
-Afraid not, I wish I had.
-I don't believe you.
Have it your own way.
And you had it your own way
on that stage tonight, didn't you?
Six curtain calls.
Only five.
-But you stopped the show.
-I did! I stopped the Follies!
I knew you would. I wrote the card with
your flowers before the curtain went up.
-The yellow roses.
Oh, I didn't even have
a chance to look!
Oh, they're beautiful.
-"Dear Star, I told you so."
-Don't forget, I saw you work out.
So where would you like to go?
Luchow's? Delmonico's?
A party? Two parties?
-I can't. I gotta meet a gang of people--
-"At my mother's saloon."
-Not again. Can't you skip it?
-No. It wouldn't be nice.
It's sort of a party for me.
-You wanna come?
-I'd love to.
-You mean it?
-Of course.
Think it over.
It's a neighborhood thing.
It might waste
the whole evening for you.
I'll be with you, won't I?
Go ahead, get dressed.
Candidly, Mrs. Brice,
that's a good-looking fellow.
Gorgeous. He reminds me of
Fanny's papa, my ex, also gorgeous.
Wherever he is,
he should only stay there, huh?
What do you do anyway?
I mean, between my opening nights?
-Everybody does that.
Hardly anyone does. But I do.
And on the side, I gamble.
You just gamble?
Yes. Like you did tonight.
You married?
No, Mrs. Strakosh, I'm not married.
So you're Mrs. Strakosh's
married daughter, Sadie.
To a dentist.
Oh, Mr. Arnstein, could I interest you
in a friendly little game of poker?
Three-cent limit.
-I was hoping you'd ask me.
-Oh, good.
-Deuces, tens and jokers wild.
We're out for blood.
-Would you care to deal?
-All right.
Oh, look!
That's marvelous.
I think he's played a game
of poker before, that Mr. Arnstein.
The way he looks to home.
He's a gentleman.
-A gentleman fits in any place.
-A sponge fits in any place.
To me, when a person's a stranger,
they should act a little strange.
I bet.
-I call.
I'm afraid you're too good for me.
I see. I got two pair.
Oh, it's yours.
Oh, I win, I win, I win!
-How much do I owe?
-I think 27 cents.
Fine bunch of crooks
I introduced you to.
We had a little more practice, that's all.
Oh, Fanny, darling,
I'm so happy for your success.
-Only one thing could make me happier.
To dance at your wedding.
Come on, children, sit down.
Talk a little. Settle in.
Should I murder her now
or wait till the party's over?
-No, I like her.
Besides, I've been waiting all evening
for a chance to be alone with you.
Where does that go?
It's the alley.
Alone at last.
Fanny, congratulations!
-Thanks, Mrs. Nadler.
-I had to get up on account of the baby.
-He's a regular midnight fisherman.
-He'll outgrow it.
Alone at last.
That's Henry Street.
You're never alone.
Everybody worries about everybody.
It's my home.
I love having people care about me.
But I don't see how anyone
could help caring about you.
Why, because I'm funny?
Well, that's part of it.
You know, it's a funny thing. I've
I've imagined you practically
all over the world:
Paris, London,
the Delaware Water Gap.
Every place. Everyplace except
Henry Street. And here you are.
You've imagined me?
Well, I mean,
I thought about you a lot.
Maybe it was your ruffled shirt.
Anyway, you're like a character
in a book to me.
And I hadn't read many books, see?
So that makes you kind of--
-I talk a lot, don't I?
But it's one of the things
I like best about you.
Boy, have you got good manners.
-It's your turn. Say something.
-All right.
With all these people who care about
you by the blockful and theater-full...
...doesn't it ever narrow down
to just one special person?
You mean, like a boyfriend?
I haven't had time.
But don't get me wrong.
I mean, I know a million guys.
-After all, I am in the theater.
-Oh, yes.
Well, see, I've been very busy and....
How about you?
-Hundreds of girls, huh?
-Oh, thousands!
All gorgeous.
All gorgeous.
Well, tonight should be
a nice change for you.
It is.
Thousands, wow.
That way, I don't get too involved.
I like to feel free.
You can get lonesome being that free.
You can get lonesome being that busy.
Now, who would think to look at us
that we got the same problem?
We travel single, oh
Maybe we're lucky
But I don't know
With them, just let one kid fall down
And seven mothers faint
I guess we're both happy
But maybe we ain't
People who need people
Are the luckiest people
In the world
We're children
Needing other children
And yet
Letting our grown-up pride
Hide all the need inside
Acting more like children
Than children
Are very special people
They're the luckiest people
In the world
With one person
One very special person
A feeling deep in your soul
Says you were half
Now you're whole
No more hunger and thirst
But first be a person
Who needs people
People who need people
Are the luckiest people
In the world
Fanny, you're an enchanting girl.
I wish I could get to know you better.
So give me six good reasons why not.
Just one.
I have to catch a train for Kentucky
early in the morning.
What's in Kentucky?
Oh, a half interest in a little farm.
I breed horses.
What's the matter,
they can't do it alone?
Hey, you all packed?
So, what are you doing around here?
It's late. It's 5:30 in the morning.
I'll walk you to the car.
-I should go in and say good night.
-It's all right, I'll say it for you.
You know, if you weren't in a show...
...I think I'd have asked you
to come with me.
Too bad, isn't it?
I don't know. What with the Follies
and an indecent proposal...'s been quite a night.
It was indecent, wasn't it?
-Oh, thank God.
At least I can tell Mrs. Strakosh
things are looking up.
-May I call you when I come back?
-Yeah, sure. When's that?
I don't know exactly. I may go
right on to Europe or the coast....
You see, I never have definite plans.
They make me feel too tied down.
But I'll call you.
A feeling deep in your soul
Says you were half
Now you're whole
No more hunger and thirst
But first be a person
Who needs people
People who need people
Are the luckiest people
In the world
Watch your step.
-Come on down here. Come on.
-Watch your step.
Watch your step.
Watch your step.
-Are you the Ziegfeld Girls?
-You can't tell?
All right, line up over here.
Get over there. Get over there, that's it.
Conductor, baby. What time is it,
and where are we?
It's 7 a.m., miss,
and we're in Baltimore.
All right, just a second.
Hold it there.
All right, girls, that's it. Smile pretty.
Hold it.
Good. All right, girls.
Hold it, hold it.
Now, where's that new star...
...Fanny Brice?
Enter the star.
Miss Brice?
Hold it. Perfect. This'll just
take a minute, Miss Brice.
How about a smile, Miss Brice?
So shoot the picture.
Oh, very good.
-Yes, wasn't it? Terrific. I loved it.
I'm coming.
Fanny! Fanny.
How wonderful to see you.
And how wonderful you look.
You look good too. The first time
I've seen you in broad daylight.
You haven't changed. And I'm glad.
-Do you know how long it's been?
-Just a year.
And two weeks.
What are you doing here?
I'm waiting for the train
from New York.
-My train?
-That's right.
Fanny, will you have dinner
with me tonight?
Tell me all about Mrs. Strakosh
and about you.
When a fella gets up at 7 in
the morning to meet a girl's train--
I came here to meet
another girl, named Elsie.
Oh that's good because I have plans,
so you can have dinner with her.
Oh, it'll be very dull.
There she is now.
Thanks, Jack.
I'll see you at the stables.
-That's my girl Elsie.
-Skinny legs, just like mine.
How about dinner? Will you, Fanny?
You always ask me out, don't you?
Whenever you happen to run into me.
-I've never known anyone so polite.
-Fanny, I--
But I still have other plans.
And I really must go.
Thanks anyway.
Oh, Fanny. I can't give up this easily.
I wanna see you too much.
We've such a lot to catch up on.
Where are you staying? Majestic?
There's a nice little private
dining room right downstairs.
I am going to reserve it for us at 8:00.
I hope you'll change your mind.
I'll be waiting.
No law against waiting.
People do it all the time.
"No law against waiting," I said.
"People do it all the time."
Should've heard me,
I was a regular Theda Bara.
For once in my life, I didn't say
too much, I didn't say too little.
I said just enough, then I walked.
You like these flowers in my hair?
Why should I have dinner with him?
I'm not even hungry.
You like these earrings?
Even if I was hungry,
I don't need him to buy my dinner.
Then why are you going?
-I said, why--?
-Who said I was going?
Won't you please come in?
May I take your wrap?
That color looks wonderful
with your eyes.
Just my right eye.
I hate what it does to the left.
You planning to make advances?
I wasn't planning it,
but it does seem possible.
Before dinner or after dinner?
You look beautiful.
You don't have to make leading-lady
dialogue for me. I'm a comic.
-That's where I live, on-stage.
Then you're missing too much.
You said we had a lot to catch up on.
So let's start.
I'm here touring with the Follies.
A week here, then a week in Chicago.
And then we rehearse a new show
after that. What about you?
My girl Elsie's running in the
Baltimore Handicap next Friday.
-After that, I'm not sure yet because--
-You never have definite plans.
I remember.
Hey, somebody laid an egg
on your table.
-What is it?
-A blue marble egg.
I got it in Rome ages ago.
It's one of my favorite things
so I thought you might like to have it.
A blue marble egg
and yellow roses....
You went to a lot of trouble even
though you weren't sure I'd show up.
I hoped you would.
Just as I hope
you like very dry sherry.
I wouldn't know dry from wet.
What are you so angry about?
Who's angry?
Who's angry?
I'm sorry if I'm disappointing you
in some way, but what did you expect?
You didn't answer my question.
Why are you so angry?
I am not angry!
Why don't you answer a question?
Did you think I should be flattered
because this time
your train isn't leaving in the morning?
Oh, this time you have
a few days to kill.
Well, I am not a kid at Keeney's
You're not slumming anymore.
-I never was and you know it.
-Don't holler at me!
-I'm not hollering. You are.
-That's different.
I'm a natural hollerer.
Anyway, I answered your silly question.
Look, why don't we cut through all this
and get to the point, which is:
Why didn't I call you
when I got back from Kentucky?
Well, you got busy.
You forgot.
There could be a hundred reasons.
Just one.
I wanted to stay away from you.
We were heading for something you
couldn't have known how to handle.
What makes you think I do now?
If you don't...'s time you learned.
Maybe we should order now?
Are you sure you want to stay?
...might as well have dinner.
Very sensible.
Come in.
Paul, I think we're about ready now.
Caviar, to begin with?
No, I don't think so.
Then we'll have filet de boeuf,
sauce bordelaise.
Very good, Paul. Thank you.
Very good. Thank you.
All right?
I would have ordered
roast beef and potatoes.
I did.
What's the matter?
If I can't tell
what you're ordering... will I know
when you're making advances?
You'll know.
I'll be much more direct.
You are woman
I am man
You are smaller
So I can be taller than
You are softer
To the touch
It's a feeling
I like feeling very much
You are someone
I've admired
Still our friendship
Leaves something
To be desired
Does it take more explanation
Than this?
You are woman, I am man
Let's kiss
Isn't this the height
Of nonchalance
Furnishing a bed
In restaurants
Well, a bit of dinner
Never hurt
But guess who is
Gonna be dessert
Do good girls do
Just what Mama says
When Mama's not around?
It's a feeling
Oy, vey, what a feeling
A bit of pt?
I drink it all day
Should I do the things
He'll tell me to?
In this pickle
What would Sadie do?
In my soul I feel
An inner lack
Just suppose he wants
His dinner back
Just some dried-out toast in a sliver
On the top a--
A little chopped liver
How many girls become
A sinner while
Waiting for a roast beef dinner? Though
Most girls slip
In ordinary ways
I got style
I do it Bordelaise
Well, at least
You think I'm special
You ordered la carte
It's a feeling
I like feeling very
I feel the feeling
Down to my toes
Now I feel that
There's a fire here
Try that once
A little higher, dear
What a beast
To ruin such a pearl
Would a convent
Take a Jewish girl?
Does it take more explanation
Than this?
The thrills and chills
Going through me
If I stop him now
Can he sue me?
You are woman
You are man
I'm calling you. What have you got?
Ace of diamonds...
...jack of spades, nine of hearts...
...four of clubs and two of diamonds.
Take it. I thought you were bluffing.
-I got the pot.
-What do you hear from Fanny?
This morning she telephoned,
-Oh, yeah?
-How did she sound?
Two shows in a row
and three months on the road.
How do you think she sounded? Tired.
-She didn't sound tired.
-Excuse me, I made a mistake.
She sounded silly, she kept laughing.
Well, maybe something
strike her comical.
A mother says, "How are you?"
That's so comical?
She breaks out laughing.
Another thing about Fanny.
On the road, she lives like a mouse.
All day in the hotel,
all night in the theater, no fresh air.
But suddenly in Baltimore, MD,
she's running...
...up streets, down streets, museums,
racetracks, graveyards yet.
-Do you think it could be a fella?
-Think? I know.
-Who is it?
-The ruffled shirt!
-The ruffled shirt.
Lady, if you're game for this one,
he's on the house.
Nobody in history ever had three.
Start boiling the water.
Don't know how proud I'm to think
that I'm the man...
...who introduced you
to your first lobster.
Among other things.
Behave yourself!
I get so mad when I think
of what I missed before I met you.
I played Baltimore before, but never
realized it was the most
beautiful city in the whole world.
Sort of makes me wish
you'd come with us tomorrow.
See what you can do for Chicago.
I was going to, I decided yesterday.
Now I can't.
Yesterday you could, now you can't
what happened between yesterday and now?
You were there.
Elsie lost the Baltimore Handicap.
And I lost Elsie and my shirt.
But I was watching you.
You didn't blink an eye.
You didn't lose your ruffled shirt.
No, darling. I never lose that.
Nor my gambling money.
Just about everything else.
...I have to take a train
for New York at midnight...
...and the Berengaria for Europe
tomorrow night.
Stop boiling the water.
I just lost my appetite.
-What's in Europe?
-It's what's on the boat to Europe.
A lot of bored men who have nothing
to do for eight days but play cards.
Wait a minute.
You are going to Europe
so you can play cards on the boat?
Fanny, that's how I live.
I told you that on Henry Street...
-...and the first night we were here.
-Yes, I know.
I know.
I know it by heart.
And... don't have to worry.
You're not involved.
But I am involved...
...with a girl who has her own work,
is too busy to get lonesome.
So we wave to each other
from boats and trains.
I better get to the theater.
Yes, sir.
Fanny, please don't look sad.
You walk back into my life, change
everything and walk out right again.
How should I look? Happy?
But I'll be back in your life again,
darling. Very soon.
Yeah, like last time.
-Not a bit like last time.
-So, what's different?
I love you.
Do you mean that?
You're not just trying to be polite?
You do mean it.
What do you know?
It's been the most beautiful week
in my whole life.
Fanny, I should hurry
if I'm to drop you, get packed...
...and catch that train for New York.
Well, why don't you
pick me up at the theater at 11...
...and I'll go to the station with you.
Oh, why not? Are you afraid I'll cry?
No. I'm afraid I will.
So where have you been
since 6:00 this morning?
Just walking.
Listen, if you're gonna die every time
you say goodbye to a man....
Calling Miss Brice, Miss Fanny Brice.
Right here.
-Miss Brice?
-You feel better now?
-Yeah. Yeah.
Thank you.
Thank you.
-Thank you.
-Thank you. Thank you.
-Ten dollars?
-Thank you!
From Fanny Brice?
The last of the 5-cent tippers?
Yeah, I should have made it 20.
Emma. Emma. Where's Emma?
What is it, Fanny?
I am not going to die. That's all.
And I'm not going to Chicago either.
Are you out of your mind?
What are you gonna tell Ziegfeld?
I dont know. I'd better find out.
Please get him on the phone for me. Emma.
Where's Emma?
Have you seen Emma?
Where is she? Em?
-Miss Fanny?
-Be an angel and help me. Hold these.
I'm only gonna take that bag
and that one. I'm not going to Chicago.
What do you mean,
you're not going to Chicago?!
Where are you going?
-Empire Limited departing
for New York... -Fanny. 8:30 a.m,
now boarding at track 14.
I told him.
Please talk to her, Miss Georgia.
Please talk.
You can't talk to Fanny. Once she
makes up her mind, she makes up her mind.
Somebody has to talk to her.
-Who's she talking to?
You don't need me in Chicago.
You still have four other good names...
...and besides the tour is over
in two weeks anyway.
-You've said a lot of idiotic things.
-No, Flo.
-That's the most unprofessional--
--I've heard in my entire life!
Will you simmer down before
your ulcer flares up?
That's funny coming from you.
You gave me that ulcer.
Now, listen, Flo, I love the theater.
I love to hear an audience applaud,
but you can't take an audience home
with you and.
I want a personal life too, and I'm gonna
have it. Why not just wish me luck?
She can't walk out in the middle
of the show.
She can't stop in the middle--
What did he say?
-He hung up.
-Let me have that phone.
Ladies of the ensemble, adieu.
-Where are you going?
-New York.
-I'm going to Europe with Nick Arnstein.
-You're kidding!
I told you when I meet a guy I want,
I won't make jokes.
Fanny, did Nick ask you
to go with him?
No, but...
...when he sees me, he'll be glad.
I hope.
One ticket on the Empire Limited
departing for New York at 8:30 a.m.
Haven't you any pride?
No. I love the guy, he loves me.
I wanna be with him. That's simple.
-You're making a fool of yourself.
-Georgia, this is right for me.
-Is it right for Nick?
-I'll make it right for him!
-Don't stick your neck out this way!
-Don't do it! Don't do it!
-Don't. You mustn't do it. Don't quit.
-Don't tell me--
Don't tell me not to live
Just sit and putter
Life's candy and the sun's
A ball of butter
Don't bring around a cloud
To rain on my parade
Don't tell me not to fly
I've simply got to
If someone takes a spill
It's me and not you
Who told you you're allowed
To rain on my parade?
I'll march my band out
I'll beat my drum
And if I'm fanned out
Your turn at bat, sir
At least I didn't fake it Hat, sir,
I guess I didn't make it
But whether I'm the rose
Of sheer perfection
A freckle on the nose
Of life's complexion
The cinder or the
Shiny apple of its eye
I got to fly once
I got to try once
Only can die once
Right, sir?
Ooh, life is juicy
Juicy, and you see
I've got to have my bite, sir
Get ready for me, love
'Cause I'm a comer
I simply got to march
My heart's a drummer
Don't bring around a cloud
To rain on my parade
I'm going to live and live now
Get what I want, I know how
One roll for the whole shebang
One throw, that bell will go clang
Eye on the target and wham
One shot, one gunshot and bam
Hey, Mr. Arnstein
Here I am
I'd march my band out
I'll beat my drum
And if I'm fanned out
Your turn at bat, sir
At least I didn't fake it
Hat, sir, guess 'cause I didn't make it
Get ready for me, love
'Cause I'm a comer
I simply gotta march
My heart's a drummer
Nobody, no, nobody
Is going to rain on my
Would you like all of these out, sir?
-Oh, no. Just these two, please.
-Thank you, sir.
If you hadn't looked
exactly the way you did...
...this could have been
very embarrassing.
You crazy girl.
-What are you doing here?
...I figured that if I waited for you
to make your fortune... would you know that I wasn't
after you for your money?
Nick, I promise I'll never tie you down.
I promise.
Will that be all, sir?
-Oh, yes, steward. Thank you.
-Thank you, sir.
I say, I caught your show
last time I was in port.
You were simply marvelous.
-Oh, thank you.
-Thank you.
Just ring if you need me, Mr. Brice.
Thank you.
Courvoisier, Mr. Arnstein, right?
Yes, perfect. And a...
-...crme de menthe frapp.All right?
-Yes, sir.
I like that beard on that captain.
It makes him look trustworthy.
He wants me to bring you
to his cabin tomorrow for cocktails.
You're a great success, Fanny,
and that's off-stage.
I'm with you, that's all.
I don't know how I have thought
of going without you.
Me neither.
Go on, say it.
Well, you went to good schools.
I went to practically no schools.
You're Park Avenue.
-I'm Lower East Side.
-Now, now. Don't be a snob.
No, no. What I am trying to say is....
And you don't have to--
I mean, I'm all yours anyway, but....
Well, where I come from
on Henry Street...
...when two people
sort of love each other....
Oh, never mind, never mind.
Well, what do they do
when they sort of love each other?
One of them says,
"Why don't we get married?"
Is that so?
-And sometimes it's even the man.
Look, forget the whole thing. Just forget
I mentioned it. See wipe it out.
All right.
Thank you.
You know...'s pretty much the same
where I come from.
Well, why don't you stop making jokes
and say it so that I can say...
...I have to think it over,
or ask my mother, or turn you down.
I've got a better idea.
What's that?
-Have your drink.
-Have my drink.
Look, why don't we get married?
When? Here? Tonight? When?
The captain looks like a rabbi.
-How? When? Tonight? Right now?
-When I make a bankroll.
-No, I don't care about that.
-I do.
-I intend to be the head of this family.
-You will be. You're smarter.
It'll be the way I say or not at all.
Well, could you win what you need
in that poker game tonight?
-It's possible.
-Go ahead, go play cards.
-I wanna be a Sadie.
A what?
You met Mrs. Strakosh's
married daughter, Sadie.
-That's a married lady.
-I see.
Can I come and watch with you?
Look, my whole future
depends on it. Please!
Can you watch
with no expression at all?
Whatever happens?
Can I watch with no expression?
I pass.
I'll call.
-I call.
-I pass.
I'll call.
Just one, please. Thank you.
Three here.
The dealer takes three.
Up to the opener.
Opener checks.
I'll bet a thousand.
I'm out.
All right.
One thousand and...
...two thousand more.
I'm out.
Well, I think you are bluffing,
Mr. Arnstein.
So I'll see you.
Well, I've got three kings here.
-I thought you were bluffing.
-In this distinguished company?
I wouldn't dare.
I'm afraid this is getting
rather dull for you, darling.
Excuse me gentlemen. I'll be right back.
-Good night.
-Good night.
Quit, quit, quit!
It's against my religion
to break a winning streak.
Goodbye, Sadie.
Sorry, gentlemen.
Your deal.
What happened?
It's a beautiful night.
I had a little stroll around the deck.
It did me a lot of good.
It's terribly late, Sadie.
You should have been in bed ages ago.
How could I go to bed?! I've been
sitting here waiting, hour after hour.
Did you say "Sadie"?
Mrs. Arnstein, Mrs. Arnstein
What a beautiful, beautiful name
Sadie, Sadie, married lady
See what's on my hand
There's nothing quite as touching
As a simple wedding band
Oh, how that
Marriage license works
On chambermaids and hotel clerks
The honeymoon was such delight
That we got married that same night
I'm Sadie, Sadie, married lady
Sadie, you did the trick
Not every girl can get herself
A guy who looks like Nick
To tell the truth
It hurt my pride
The groom was prettier
Than the bride
I'm Sadie, Sadie, married lady
That's me
We're sailing home
So, Rosie, dear
Bring chicken soup
Down to the pier
Sadie, Sadie, married lady
That's me
Honey, if this is a hotel,
I don't think they're ready for us.
Oh, Nick.
Oh, Nick!
It must have cost a fortune.
Well, I made a fortune
on the Epsom Derby. Didn't I?
I expect to make another with this Florida
deal. There's nothing to worry about.
Who's worried? Anyway,
it's the perfect house for a millionaire.
And for Sadie, Sadie
Married lady
Meet a mortgagee
The owner of an icebox
With a 10-year guarantee
Oh, sit me in the softest seat
Quick, a cushion for my feet
Do for me, buy for me
Lift me, carry me
Finally got a guy to marry me
I do my nails, read up on sales
All day the records play
Then he comes home, I tell him
"Oy, what a day I had today"
I swear I'll do my wifely job
Just sit at home, become a slob
A husband, a house
And a beautiful reflection
Of my love's affection
Sadie, Sadie
Married lady
That's me
Nice baby. Open your eyes,
look at your daddy.
I bought her something.
Sort of an add-a-pearl necklace.
-An add-a-tooth necklace would be--
Nick, you are absolutely crazy.
She can't wear this
until she's grown up.
But she'll know she has it.
It'll give her confidence.
Besides, if you play your cards right...
...she might loan it to you until then.
You bet she will. Won't you?
-Fifteen. One more.
-Oh, please!
Look at me.
I'm breathing like a whale.
The way that baby slowed me down,
I ought to sue her.
She's so pretty, isn't she?
Frances? She's the cutest little thing
I ever saw.
-Alive, alert--
-But she's pretty.
Yes, Fan, she's pretty.
Very pretty. Come on.
Ziegfeld made no mistake hiring you.
Heard from Nick lately?
-Yeah, he calls me every night.
-From Oklahoma?
Sure. With the phone bills
we're getting, he better strike oil.
Come on, let's try this.
Let's go.
One, two, three. One, two, three.
One, two, three, four.
One, two, three. One, two, three.
One, two, three, four.
I can't believe it.
-There you are.
-Thank you very much.
Is that ghastly sound
coming from my daughter?
What is it, honey?
What is it, sweetheart? Are you wet?
-Welcome home, Mr. Arnstein.
-It's good to see you.
What happened?
What happened to the baby?
-Look who's here, honey.
-Frances, that isn't very attractive dear.
So I wish you'd stop.
Thank you, sweetheart.
Why, you've stayed blond,
you clever girl.
Miss Fanny, we're going
to be late for rehearsal.
Oh, just a few more minutes.
Would you take the baby
to Hilda for me?
-Goodbye, my love.
Say bye-bye.
You know what?
This time I think maybe
you lost your ruffled shirt.
We struck sand and rock and water.
I think we even struck champagne.
The one thing
we didn't strike was oil.
Well, you'll think of something bigger
and better...
...while lying in a hammock
at your beautiful country house.
It is beautiful, isn't it?
I will tell you something.
Nick, it's been absolutely murder...
...dragging myself back and forth
to that theater every day.
You guessed it.
We better start looking
for an apartment in town...
-...on 5th Avenue.
-Even on 6th. I wouldn't be insulted.
You know what bothers me
even more than losing the house?
It's the fact that I seem
to have lost my poker face.
Just to me, honey. Come on.
Place your come bets. Eight eats five.
Coming out. Seven away, eight alive.
New shooter.
New shooter.
Hey, the place looks wonderful.
As you said, a church can look cute,
but a gambling house has to look honest.
And be honest.
Come on in here.
Oh, Joe, a Scotch and water
for Mr. Arnstein.
Well, when did you get back?
Oh, a couple of weeks ago.
It's good to see you, Tom.
Well, what took you
so long to drop in?
Well, we've been moving
into a new apartment in town.
I've been helping with the legwork.
My wife has a show opening tonight.
Say, Nick, I was sorry to hear
about those oil wells.
Is it all over town, Tom?
Even made the papers.
Oh, but that doesn't mean anything.
It's funny, though.
I once dropped 20,000 on Monday...
...picked up 30 on Tuesday,
all in absolute privacy.
The news travels
much faster these days.
That spotlight on your wife
lights you up too.
-Any action in the backroom?
-Now? Yeah, there's a game, but....
Just by way of limbering up.
Besides, I've got an hour to kill.
I hear they haven't been
running too well.
It'll change.
He's not in his seat.
I looked down during the number.
He's not in his seat.
So maybe the guy's late, ran into
an old friend or his watch stopped.
-You're getting excited over nothing.
-Nothing? People get run over.
They have accidents, don't they?
Emma, go call the hospitals.
I mean, he could be lying in a street.
Where's my eyeliner?
Do you see my eyeliner?
Hurry up and get dressed, will you?
I'll call 300.
Five hundred. Bettor.
No, not for me.
Have a bite. Keep your strength up.
Food and liquor right over there.
Nick, it's after 9:00.
Why don't you get out?
No, Tom. Thank you. I'll watch it.
Telephone for you, Mr. Arnstein, in the
bar. It's your wife's maid at the theater.
Well, look, tell her....
Tell her I've been detained.
I'll be there in time
for the second act. Thank you.
What are you gonna do?
Shoot the swans?
These lovelies?
My swan girls?
What are you, dumb?
Can't you see
When you look at me
What a lovely creature is a swan Yoo-hoo
I'm all over fluffy white
I wouldn't peck at you or bite
And have teeny twinkle toes
To dance upon
Oh, was that good!
Was that necessary?
You couldn't walk over here
like a person?
Where was I? Oh, I was here.
So you just
Gotta have a swan
Or you're out of luck
'Cause a chicken wouldn't do
It would only cluck
And besides you couldn't say
"I saw Chicken Lake ballet"
They would think you don't know nothin'
You are missing here a button
'Cause a chicken's
Only good for consomm
Where upon, where upon
Where upon, where upon
A chicken or a duck
Is a mistake
When you do Swan Lake
Swan Lake
I'm sorry, darling.
How did it go?
Good reviews?
"All any show needs is Fanny Brice."
"New York audiences continue
their love affair with Fanny."
Darling, I'm so happy for you.
How was the party?
How was the party?
There was no party.
The guests didn't think the hostess
was in the mood for a party.
Not without the host.
Look, let's not fight about this.
Why not?
Isn't your spoiling my opening night
worth fighting about?
How do you think I felt out there,
trying to be funny?
I'm trying to make them laugh.
My own husband
not caring enough to be there!
I am sure you didn't let your
audience suffer because of me.
You're damn right I didn't.
But how do you think I felt afterwards,
with people asking me where you were?
What could I say? A poker game was
more important than my opening night?!
To hell with your opening night!
Why shouldn't the poker game
be as important as your opening night?
It's my work, and I haven't
had a smash hit for a long time.
But tonight I was winning. I wouldn't
have left that game for anything...
...because I thought maybe, finally,
at last my luck had changed.
Only it hadn't.
So it'll change tomorrow.
The way it has a hundred other times.
Everyone has a run of bad luck
now and then. It doesn't mean anything.
How would you know, darling?
You never lose.
That was my crazy husband
on the phone.
Some guy had a deal for me offered
Nick a thousand to put in a word.
So he took the thousand and gave it to
a waiter he never saw before in his life.
And he just put in a word.
You wanna play? Get a deck.
Fanny, I never butted
in your life, did I?
Sure. When I was a kid, you made me
wear long underwear to school.
Someday when your children grow up
and you wanna talk serious...
-...I hope they make jokes.
-I'm sorry mama.
I just thought you were gonna
start in on Nick.
Where would I come to criticize Nick?
It's you I'm surprised at.
Because when you look at him,
you only see what you want to see.
I see him as he is. I love him as he is.
Fanny, love him a little less.
Help him a little more.
Mama, he doesn't need any help.
He's not a child.
The man is drowning.
He owes money everywhere.
He doesn't know which way to turn.
-How do you know that?
-Everybody knows. Only you don't know.
Fanny, are you so wrapped up in
the show, you can't see anything else?
Why wouldn't he tell me? He knows
he can have anything I've got.
That's not what he needs.
Darling, you are his wife.
You've gotta sit down with him,
talk to him...
...think together what he should do.
Some of that for me, Nick?
Won't make a dent
in what I owe you, Peterson.
-But if you can't wait--
-I could wait.
-I could even forget it.
In return for what?
I need a front man,
someone like you...
...who could talk, for a bond deal
I'm putting together.
It's a big one, Nick.
-You could make yourself a mint.
-Thanks, but I don't think so.
Okay. I guess when you have
Fanny Brice for a meal ticket... don't get very hungry. Nicky.
I'm sorry, Peterson.
Meal tickets...
...that's my joke.
Is Mr. Branca here yet?
-Not yet, Mr. Arnstein.
-Well, I expect him any minute.
This yelled through the window
of FAO Schwarz:
"Take me home to Frances,"
it said. So I did.
-Will you give it to her for me, please?
-Yes, Mr. Arnstein.
-Thank you.
-Oh, Hilda.
You and the cook have been very patient,
but it's time I paid your salaries.
I owe you for two months, I believe.
Miss Brice paid us, sir. All that was owed
and three months in advance.
I mean, Mrs. Arnstein paid us.
Miss Brice paid you.
I'll get it, thank you.
-There you are.
-Am I late?
No, I just beat you in.
Let's go in here.
I'll mix us a drink.
You tell me what you have in mind.
All right.
Hey, nice place, Nick.
It's comfortable and very convenient.
-Water or soda, Tom?
-Straight. Look, I haven't got much time.
The place is getting crowded
earlier these days.
When you do that well,
it's called good trouble.
-That's what I want to talk to you about.
-I didn't know you were home.
-Hello, darling.
Mr. Branca, I haven't
seen you for ages.
I've been dying to see your show,
Mrs. Arnstein, but I've been so busy.
I just dropped by
to make Nick a little proposition.
Well, if it's some new way
of marking cards, Nick, don't listen.
Aside from that, I'll leave you.
Although I'm dying of curiosity.
Come back, silly.
Get yourself a drink and sit down.
-All right with you, Tom?
-Of course. It's all in the family.
-Then sit down and start propositioning.
-All right.
Well, as I told you, the place--
No, thanks.
The place is doing awfully well.
So well in fact that a couple of money men
approached me...
...about opening another one on the
East Side. It's getting very fashionable.
I'd like to, Nick. I think it would go.
But I can't possibly run
two places single-handed.
And those people don't know the
first thing about this business.
So I told them about you.
And the long and the short of it is,
we want you to be a partner.
With an extra cut for running
the place. How's it strike you?
Pleasantly. I'm flattered, naturally.
And it's no secret
there's no place I'd rather be...
...than a gambling club.
Except the theater on opening night.
Anyway it does sound like something
you'd be good at.
I've always had a little yen to
run a club. And lots of ideas.
-Well, then, great. Then it's a deal.
-Wait, wait a minute.
It have to depend on how much I'd have to
put up for the partnership, because--
Nick, we don't need your money.
We need you.
Well, how much are you
and the others putting in?
Fifty thousand.
And for me it's free?
Tom, I can't let you put up my share.
I'm not. I swear I'm not.
Look, our thinking is that
with your know-how and your...
...well, class is the only
word I can use...'ll attract all the right people.
We'll make our money back in no time.
Full partnership for nothing?
Oh, except my class.
Plus a cut for running the place.
That's a very generous offer.
Too generous.
Fanny... much were you going to put in?
Fifty thousand.
Tom, I'm sorry
your time's been wasted.
-Nick, it is a good idea.
-Was a good idea.
Please don't blame Tom.
I talked him into it.
Thanks for everything.
-I was just trying to help.
-I don't want that kind of help!
I don't want anyone
going around behind my back...
...sinking money into me
to make me look good.
Fanny, I--
I just wish you hadn't done it.
You'd better go.
You'll be late for the theater.
I-- I can't go. Not like this.
Darling, listen. Please.
Once I saw how unhappy you are...
...I knew I had to do something.
I guess I did it wrong.
-You know how dumb I can be.
You don't have to tell me
that you did it out of love.
Believe me, I know that.
Murray Hill 4119.
Something wrong?
It's Nick.
He's hurt?
No, no. He's in trouble.
He's gotten himself mixed up
in a phony bond deal.
So, what do I do?
-I call a lawyer or--?
-No, he's got a lawyer.
Branca got him Bill Fallon.
And Fallon's the best criminal attorney
in New York City.
Fanny, embezzlement
is a criminal charge.
Now, Fallon advised him to give
himself up, and he did. A few hours ago.
He gave himself up?
You mean he's in jail?
I've gotta see him.
You can't, honey. They won't let you.
-I just gotta.
-Miss Fanny, is there something I can do?
-Fanny. Fanny. Fanny, look.
He-- He doesn't want to see you.
It's understandable, dear.
The man's humiliated, ashamed.
Ashamed of what?
This is Nick Arnstein, not some hood!
If these bonds were phony,
you don't think he knew it, do you?
That's the line Fallon is going to use,
that he was a victim, a dupe.
-Fallon's going to call you at home.
-I'd better go then.
There are a whole bunch of reporters
at that stage door.
And now, come on up to my office and
go out through the front of the house.
Why? There's nothing to hide.
You want me to go with you, Fan?
Miss Brice.
-Will you answer a few questions for us?
-Sure, but I don't talk very good yet.
Hold that pose!
Did you know Nick
would give himself up?
He'll do anything not to
come home for dinner.
Peterson says Nick masterminded
the whole swindle. What do you say?
Nick. He couldn't mastermind
an electric light bulb out of a socket!
Fanny, what about these stocks?
Stock? The only stock I know about
is summer stock.
-What's your husband's story?
-There's no story.
My dope was an innocent dupe!
Or my dupe was an innocent dope?
-Did he try to sell you any bonds?
-That much of a dope, he ain't.
-You realize he might go to prison?
-At least I'll know where he is nights.
You still love him, Miss Brice?
The name is Arnstein.
Mrs. Arnstein.
Mrs. Arnstein, do you still love him?
Next case.
" The People v. Arnstein.
The grand jury has
charged the defendant...
...with embezzlement, according to
Statute 119, Section A of the penal code."
How does the defendant plead?
Your Honor,
I move for a postponement.
Why, Mr. Fallon?
My client has been in custody only
24 hours. I've seen him only once.
I've been unable to acquaint him
fully with the charges.
-He's unable to enter a plea without full-
-Your Honor.
-Nick, please.
-Sorry, Bill.
Your Honor, there's no need for a
postponement. I understand the charge.
-I knew exactly what I was doing.
So I wish to plead guilty.
I will see the deputy district attorney
and Mr. Fallon in my chambers.
I'm sorry.
-You have only a few minutes.
-Thank you.
Nick. Oh, Nick.
What happened in there?
The minimum sentence, two years.
With luck, I'll be out in 18 months.
With luck.
Why, Nick?
You had a chance.
All you had to do was say
that Peterson tricked you.
-I couldn't say that.
-Why not?
Because he didn't.
I want you to divorce me.
What are you saying?
We're just no good for each other,
that's all. Everybody knows that.
Look, my darling,
I may not be good for you...
...but nobody has the right to say
what's good for me.
Not even you.
You think I don't know that everything
that went wrong was my fault?
-I know that.
-It's no use, Fanny.
Look, I've tried to tell myself
I'll catch up with you.
It'll be all right.
But there's no way
I can catch up with you.
I don't want to run anymore,
not in a race I can't win.
-Let me go Fanny. Let me be myself again.
-I can't.
I can't just let you go off to prison.
Say that's I can't.
Why not?
Wouldn't the publicity be good?
I'll be with you in a minute.
I'm sorry, darling.
That's what I've turned into.
You think you mean this,
and maybe you do.
But maybe it's just because
of all that's happened.
So why don't we just
leave it for now?
And if you still feel the same way
when you come home...
...I won't fight you.
Listen, you take care of yourself.
Go out, see people,
do things, enjoy yourself.
I don't worry about you.
The moment you're out there
on that stage, nothing bothers you.
The strongest woman in the whole world,
that's what you are.
Did you know that?
Yeah, sure.
Everybody knows that.
So long, funny girl.
Did you hear that?
Yeah, the guy said
You're a funny girl"
That's me
I just keep them
In stitches
Doubled in half
And though I may be
All wrong for the guy
I'm good for a laugh
I guess it's not funny
Life is far from sunny
When the laugh is over
And the joke's on you
A girl oughta have
A sense of humor
That's one thing
You really need for sure
When you're a funny girl
The fella said, "A funny girl"
How it ain't so funny
Funny girl
It cleaned up fine.
You've been sitting
in that theater all this time?
You all right?
Then would you see Mr. Ziegfeld?
He's waiting outside.
Yeah. Flo, come on in.
I'll get your props for you.
-Any word from Nick?
-No, not yet.
I've been worried about you, Fanny.
I'm sorry you've been worried. Flo.
I don't even know
if Nick wants us to go on...
...but if he does...
...I don't wanna make
the same mistakes.
So if it means giving up the theater,
I hope you'll be a sport about it.
Well, I won't be.
But I won't worry about it
till it happens.
-Fifteen minutes, Miss Brice.
-Thank you.
I'll let you get dressed.
Be happy, dear.
Hello, Fanny.
You must be that fella
I met at Keeney's one night.
You must be that girl
from Henry Street.
I feel like a kid on a blind date.
Did you see the baby, darling?
I came straight here.
Well, she's gorgeous.
Getting to look just like you.
Who says I'm not lucky?
Fanny, I--
I've had 18 months to think about us.
You wanna hear something funny?
I've had the same 18 months,
and I never thought about us.
I mean, I simmered, I stewed...
...I cried my eyes out...
...but I never really thought.
Not until today.
Then I saw that you were right.
You did a lot for me, Nick.
That's what I'm gonna remember.
What did I ever do for you, darling?
What did I ever give you that you
couldn't have gotten for yourself?
A blue marble egg.
No one would have
given me that but you.
And you-- You--
You made me feel sort of...
...beautiful, you know,
for a very long time.
You are beautiful.
Five minutes.
There are a lot of people
waiting for you.
Goodbye, Fanny.
Bye, Nick.
Oh, my man, I love him so
He'll never know
All my life is just despair
But I don't care
When he takes me in his arms
The world is bright
All right
What's the difference if I say
I'll go away
When I know I'll come back
On my knees someday
For whatever my man is
I am his
Forever more
Oh, my man, I love him so
He'll never know
All my life is just despair
But I don't care
When he takes me in his arms
The world is bright
All right
What's the difference if I say
I'll go away
When I know I'll come back
On my knees someday
For whatever my man is
I am his