Fury of the Fist and the Golden Fleece (2018) Movie Script

Farid Morocco
My fellow Americans, thank you
for sharing your time
with me tonight.
Tonight we're
launching an effort
which holds the promise of
changing the course
of human history.
There will be risks and
results take time.
But I believe we can do it.
I heard about a man who carries
his own coffin.
He doesn't wear a watch.
He decides what time it is.
[playing "La Cucaracha"]
[music stops]
[music resumes]
You know why they call me
Nino Grande?
[women shrieking]
Nino, are you ready for dinner?
-Drop 'em.
-You gonna make me?
[The Fist]
No. But Dirty Harry will.
Ay, chinga!
I've been looking for
the six-fingered man.
What does that make you?
I am Nino Grande!
You bang my sister.
Now! Prepare to die!
Nino Grande,
always a foot short.
Adios, muchacho.
You just got Fisted.
[women chattering]
[women moaning]
This is a stick-up, mofos,
put your hands in the air!
We can either
do this the easy way...
Or my way.
-I can do it both ways.
-Give me everything you've got.
Lollipops, chains, keys,
jewels everything.
I don't want your
dirty ass cash,
where's your bling-ass pimp?
Spread out!
I want this bitch
platinum by morning!
Put your weight on it.
Everybody, bow your
heads to Superfly.
Your new god.
Don't you all know who I am?
-Who is that guy?
-You don't know,
that's, that's...
That's the best kung-fu rapper
on the planet.
What you looking at,
motherfucker, you ain't
gonna do--
What the hell are you
doing, Chinaman?
Now put some weight on it!
You ain't nothing but a fake-ass
Bruce Lee kung-fu fool!
Hey, don't you la-la's
know who I am?
You better ask somebody!
-Superfly motherfuckers!
-That's right.
Hey, somebody get this
fake-ass pimp?
[moaning continues]
-Superfly motherfuckers!
-That's right.
Bow your heads!
And girls, ladies,
you with me now!
Take his hat too.
What's my name?
-Superfly motherfuckers!
-What's my name?
-Superfly motherfuckers!
-What's my name?
I'm Superfly!
When you see me coming.
Bow your heads!
New York City, 1984.
Ain't nothing like the
Disco-funk, free love
of the '70s.
Grown men are moving right on
back home with mama.
And everybody's on welfare.
With the central planners in
full genocidal effect,
this whole city man,
needs a hero,
to fight back against
the blight, the smack,
the crack, the gangs,
the boys in blue,
the agents in suits.
And all that trickle down
Reaganomics bullshit!
We find our heroes in the
most unusual places.
[alarm blaring]
Okay, man, okay.
Goddamn, you like King Kong.
Conyo, wake up, man.
Come on you gotta do your job.
Don't call me conyo, pendejo!
You don't even speak Spanish!
I speak everything,
what you talking crazy for?
-Dude you want me to
call the IRS?
-You mean the I-N-S.
Whatever I send your
ass back to Guantanamo.
I'm from Mexico, cabron.
What the fuck difference does it
make where you're from,
Did you want me to come,
we start over again?
This eye in the sky
You know what I mean
Vengeance is mine
Yeah, you know how I feel
Wipe the self
The felt is the birthplace
I see the G-O-D
In some blackface
Zeroes and heroes
Fist knew about this
Solid ages
Flagrant, and they talk shit
What has the world come to?
What are you gonna do, Fist?
Return to sender.
Now you talking, baby!
That I like.
Keep it coming...
Well, ain't this special.
Okinawa Jackson was wondering
when you
homos was gonna show up.
Sign says the shop
opened 20 minutes ago.
Okay, Jackson. Get a job, man.
You know what I saying.
I talking to you.
Guapo, that's not funny.
You know I got fired from
Chuck E Cheese last week.
Is that why you wearing your
Mickey Mouse outfit?
Guapo! You know I'm broke, man.
Wanna buy me some Chuck's?
-No, man.
You know what I buy you?
I buy you some
Soul Glo in your fro.
Because it looks like you got
pelicans in your head, man.
Man, I can't afford a haircut,
okay? Hell, I can't afford
clippers, shoot! And my rent...
It's too damn high!
[man] You got meet for
the week? You gotta order
anything from the boss?
[Willy] I got more beef than
you can handle.
[man] Okay.
Order up.
Yeah, give Okinawa some water.
Okinawa, you know water costs
money, right?
Come on, man. I'm black.
I'm hot.
-What's that have to do with you
wanting water?
-I'm black, I'm hot.
-So what? Again, so what?
-Black people need water
when it's hot.
KGB! What's goin'
on wit' ya? Hey?
How about you hook me up
with some
of them Soviet bitches.
-Them's the finest honeys ever.
-Yes, good. Boss there,
must sweep.
Boss? Where?
What are you talking
about, crazy lady?
Remember, boss is
always watching.
Listening. Video cameras,
listening devices, everywhere!
He likes to watch.
-But you can't get
away all day...
-Like Soviet Russia.
Shut up! On hay,
down by the bay,
all day, on hay, by the bay,
when the kids come to play,
but you can't get away all day,
'cause when the kids
come to play,
all day on hay,
down by the bay,
when the kids come to play,
cause one way,
or another, crime don't pay!
You know what, you know
what a hassa is?
It's a pig that
don't fly straight.
You know that hassa
hasn't paid me in two weeks.
-He pay you, Willy?
-Not a damn thing.
No, he don't pay Willy either.
What you doing, cuckoo bird?
Hey, the loony bin is
down that way.
What you need?
I just want you to know,
we're being watched.
They're everywhere.
They're everywhere.
They're everywhere.
People are getting killed...
And I'll have a bagel burger,
fries and a Coke.
Willy, let me get a bagel burger
with fries, Coke and a Diet Coke
for that loony guy.
Hey, you don't want that burger.
If I get you a good lawyer,
we can sue the government
for your crack addiction.
You know that the CIA sells all
the cocaine, right,
all the crack?
The Drug War's a fraud!
It's a fake, it's a scam!
And don't believe it!
You know that CIA! CIA!
Runs all the drugs
in this country!
On the planet! It's nonsense.
They made it up so they
could take all of our money.
They made it so they can
steal our tax money!
Fucking thieves!
I'll just have fries then.
Just the fries.
You know--
Ho, it's a stick-up. Okay?
I don't want nobody to make
any kind of fucking noise.
I know you got some
money in here.
-Hey, give me your money.
-I don't have anything.
You don't have anything,
how about you?
There's something wrong with
everybody in here, okay!
Manolo, is that you? Manolo...
Primo, what are
you doing here, Guapo?
What am I doing, I work at the
Bagel Burger.
What are you doing here, man?
-You work here?
Can I talk to you real quick.
I'm going through
some things, you know.
And my food stamps, they don't
really buy me anything,
no Coke, nothing.
So basically what I was trying
to ask you is, if I can
rob your restaurant?
Ju know what,
I don't see nothing.
Ju know,
I don't see anything, man.
Guapo, I'm standing right here.
-How come you don't see nothing?
Manolo, I don't see nothing.
But I am right here!
Manolo, you're not listening,
I don't see nothing,
man, it's okay.
You know, whatever, it's okay,
I don't see nothing.
Primo, I am right here!
Manolo, listen to what I say.
I don't see nothing.
I can't see ju, ju know.
No eyes on ju. I don't see ju.
Oh! Oh!
It's okay.
Whoa. Let's get it on!
Hey, man give me the watch.
-Hey, hey, hey, okay.
-Give me your watch.
Listen up, motherfuckers!
In 1462, Nostradamus predicted
that a bad motherfucker would
appear upon the land.
The sun will refuse to shine,
and a darkness would
fall upon the land.
Today is the day.
Prepare thyself,
the Superfly is here!
What's up!
My name is Superfly.
Put the weight on it.
We giving away free
8-tracks for the kids.
But everybody
will make a donation,
or I will Suge Knight
your ass, okay.
-Even your punk ass.
My name is Superfly!
Everybody empty your pockets!
Listen to the man.
Superfly, motherfuckers!
[all yelling]
What is this?
Give me that purse!
What the hell you
think you doing?
What are you talking about, man?
This ain't your house no more.
-This is my house.
-This is my house, too.
What? You need to go home,
play some Nintendo,
or do something.
-Be nice, okay.
-Hey, do you know who...
Do you know I'm big-head...
Hey, do y'all know big-heads,
fools who I am?
Don't you know who I am?
Okay, just relax. Go home,
play some Nintendo.
What you gonna do?
Exactly, that's what I thought.
Hey, everybody,
go bum rush this fool.
Whoop this fool!
You wanna do something, okay.
-What you gonna do?
Ana Conda, go beat some ass.
[Superfly] You motherfuckers!
Ana Conda, kick him again!
Like your dad, yeah,
that's what I'm
talking about, fool.
You know what,
on second thought,
I think I'm gonna come back,
work on some things.
Take it easy, you know,
what you gotta be so grumpy for?
You know, like,
I didn't really mean...
Okay, Primo,
I see you later, man.
That's what I'm talking about,
Ana Conda, just like your pops.
-Hey, ugly.
-Hey, ugly!
Hey, ugly.
What the hell you say, fool?
Little Barbie doll.
What the hell you want?
Do we have a problem,
Mr. Barbie Doll?
I probably banged your mama,
you're probably my child.
You're probably my
little big-head baby.
I probably
banged your mama, too.
Now get that.
My name is Superfly!
Superfly is dead!
Who the fuck is this?
That's The Fist.
The coolest porn star
in the 1970's.
The hair of his hair,
in the wind of the air,
blows through
his luscious locks.
But where's your cucumber?
You know what happened
in the '80s
the AIDS came, bitch!
Get out of my kitchen,
what are you doing
in my kitchen?
See what you got now?
Payback, sucker! Solid.
Let's go.
Come on! Ugh! Yeah!
Get into me
So, you're trying to tell OJ
that that's The Fist.
As in Enter The Fist?
Fist of Bangarian.
Fist or Be Fisted!
Yeah, man.
That guy, he was the
number one porno star
in all the universe,
better than the Kardashian lady.
Much better. Better looking,
you know what I'm saying.
Guapo, do I look gullible?
What color is my skin? Come on.
That's a silly question,
man, ju black as night,
like a panther, in the darkness.
That's right! That means I
don't believe the president.
I do believe the judge.
And I don't believe that no
millionaire works
at a bagel shops.
I don't believe it.
How can he work here?
Ju know, once upon a time
he used to be a
normal guy like ju and me.
-Normal. Like ju and I.
-Like me and ju.
-Like us?
Like he clocked in at
nine o'clock and got off
at five.
Like ju and me.
Like his check was only $150.
-Like I and you.
Normal. Like this was guy just a
normal guy like me and ju.
-That's pretty damn normal.
-He was normal, man.
Normal, you know,
like me and you.
He's more normal than--
No, not more normal,
just normal.
Like you're normal. I normal.
Me and you. You and I.
We're normal.
And he was normal normal?
Or he was just normal.
He was just normal.
-So it's just one normal?
-One day, yeah, normal guy.
One normal?
What you mean one normal,
there's only one fucking normal,
how much more normal
can you get?
Well you said normal like
four times,
I got a little confused.
He was a normal guy.
He was a fucking normal guy.
Okay, well, he's normal,
I get it, I think.
-Just look at the
fucking flashback.
[The Fist]
Well I really had a great time
with you Chastity.
I'd like to take you out
again sometime.
-Yeah. Whatever.
-Great, great!
My, not on the lips!
[laughing maniacally]
Come, witch.
Time to make a movie.
Could you hold this for me.
Yes, yes, one bitch,
two bitches...
three bitch, four bitch.
What, you've never seen
a real pimp before?
Money makes the world go round,
but bitches make the money!
Limp dick.
Let's go, bitches.
Let's go make some money.
[laughing maniacally]
[El Guapo] He couldn't even
get action from
an action figure, this guy.
That's when he found
the fleece.
Flees? The Fist got flees?
[El Guapo]
No man, fleece. Fleece.
Don't know what you're saying.
Fees or flees?
[El Guapo] Fleece, man. Okay?
Fleece, like the golden fleece.
A fucking jacket.
You know what I'm saying.
Like you wear a fucking
jacket, a fleece.
Sometimes, a man
can't take it anymore.
Then the man's got to stand up
and say, get out of my way,
my time has come.
And I'm coming with it.
So that's, you know,
that's when The Fist started
doing shit, you know,
slaying bitches left and right.
Then he lost his mojo,
man, he lost the fleece.
-What? He lost the fleece?
-He lost the fleece.
Damn, who stole it?
Nobody knows why or how or who.
But he lost his mojo,
like, you know,
and I said,
"Fist, I wanna see ju bang!"
I like to watch him bang,
ju know.
He said, "No, I don't want to
bang these whores no more
because they're whores,
you know."
Horse like in Seabiscuit?
No, man, whores.
Like the horses that run around
the track, horses?
What the fuck ju talking,
whores, man!
Horse like Mr. Ed horse?
No, man, whores like putas,
like whores putas.
Ju know what I'm saying?
-Oh, you mean whores!
-Whores! Man. Whores!
That accent, man.
Whores! Like listen to me,
ju get one guy to bang twelve
women in one night,
this is torture.
But if you get one womans
to bang twelve mens
in one night,
that's puro.
Now ju talking my language,
all night she do that shit.
The Fist, he stopped the porn,
and he say to me,
"I want to find the one."
The one what? The Golden fleece?
The one.
He said the one.
Watch where you're going.
-What's your name, kid?
-I'm not a kid! Chewbaca!
Yeah, get this!
Europeans lying in
the Baltic
Freedom be done
Yeah, you trot this
Dumb down the culture...
[oriental flute]
Whoo. Whoo.
But Master Duck Suck Song,
I've been studying here
for 10 years
and I still don't even know
how to defend myself.
Like two mirrors
facing each other,
great truths are secret
even unto themselves.
And to you.
But Sifu,
I thought I was learning
the secret art of Mu Shu.
On the good foot! Come on.
Padawan, there is
no Mu Shu style.
[gasps] Sifu.
This may look like
a traditional
Panther Fu dojo,
but I am running a political
intelligence operation
against the United States
We're starting a rebellion
against the evil aliens
that run this world.
-But for that,
I need martial artists
who can think.
Sun Tzu says,
thinking is
a revolutionary act.
If you have an idea, kill it.
If it comes back,
aim for the head.
If it does not die,
deploy it
against your enemies.
Oh, Master.
Is that the secret
of all martial arts?
Hear me now,
understand me later.
Hey, Jackson, welcome to
the Duck Suck Song dojo.
You know,
you can sign up with my wife
and then come back
with your black
leather gloves.
Solid! OJ's gonna
go get that look.
Just you wait and see, suckas.
[Okinawa screams]
Lighting Leg!
Special Teams.
[both] Oh!
[Thunderfoot] It's good.
Ugh. You're in
some big trouble, boys.
We like big trouble
here in Chinatown.
Yeah? Well, you put away
our tax collector.
What ju talking about
taxes, man?
We don't pay
no stinking taxes.
What do we look like,
baggage handlers?
You torched Superfly's ass.
You wiped away
his street cred.
You tied up our income
for a day.
Thunderfoot is gonna
kick your thunder ass
back to that candy-land
you came from.
And Lighting Leg is gonna
wipe your ass back
to the past, McFly.
Ju know what a hassa is,
It's a pig
that don't fly straight.
You already said that line.
These suckers
are intense, man.
More like past tense.
[serene music playing]
You'll be paying my taxes
by the end of the year,
Mr. Duck Sucks!
Oh, you'll take it
out of your ass.
-Whooping Crane!
Super Mario Brothers!
[groaning in slow motion]
Leprechaun style wins.
[birds chirping]
[both groan]
Who sent you?
[out of breath]
You're making a mistake.
[panting] Big mistake.
Mistake's the first word
my mama said to me.
Now who sent you!
[hip hop playing]
[Paco] Hey, Willy. You don't
got a TV at home?
Even my family in Mexico
got a TV.
And I bet it took
all 15 of your brothers
and sisters
to pay for it, too, Nacho.
You see this?
They might as well
call it toilet paper.
It ain't money.
It's a Fed note.
And it says, "I owe you"!
So you stick it! Garbage!
[screaming and laughing]
This is my living room here!
I'm living here, people!
[hip hop playing]
Oh, yeah. [laughs]
[Johnny Fang]
Here we go, baby.
Looks like a dead end, baby.
We got you dead to rights.
The only way
you're walking out of here
is with the walking dead.
Aw, you must be tired.
Let me guess,
I've been running
through your head all day.
How'd you know that?
So where's Superfly
to save your skinny ass?
I don't need no Superfly
to save my ass from you,
[all] Ohh!
Okay, whoa! Here's the deal!
You can join our gang,
and serve me
-on both knees.
-[all laughing]
Oh, on your broken knees?
Whoa. Whoo. What?
What did she say?
You look like
the Boys of Summer.
Too bad summer's over.
Keep walking...
if you want to
keep that look,
pretty boy.
You know something funny?
I used to fuck
guys like you in prison.
What were you
in the slammer for?
Playing my guitar too loud!
Better call the dentist.
[The Fist] Drop 'em.
Where you going, runaway?
Looks like you're cruisin'
for a bruisin'.
I'm looking for a She-Ra
to my He-Man.
I'm pretty sure
She-Ra was his sister
and He-Man is gay.
Don't talk about He-Man
like that.
Listen, you,
I'm a witch from hell,
and you better not
forget it, creep.
I come from hell.
So when you go back,
tell Nicky, como estas?
[El Guapo] Hey, Fist,
come on, man,
what you doing? Let's go.
He's trying to bang something.
Watch it,
don't step on his teeth.
[narrator] When the
wanna-be gangster
Superfly got wasted,
his two crazy-ass
white boy
bosses disrespected
the Duck Suck Song dojo
looking to collect.
After handing them
back their asses,
Fist and friends
are on a retaliation train
headed for
the next boss in line.
'Cause you know what,
we all got one.
Someone's gotta pay.
Someone always pays.
[Willy] Service in this place
is terrible.
Who picked this joint?
So what's your name, kid?
Ana Conda.
I always wanted
to hunt an anaconda.
See what it feels like
to get swallowed.
I'd rather kill myself.
Where you from?
Wrong side of the tracks.
That why you got
caught up with Superfly,
trying to get even
with the game?
He promised me a record deal.
You sing the blues?
No, I'm always happy!
What's the 411?
Aren't you, like, some sort
of has-been porn star?
Why do you even
work at a bagel shop?
I don't work
at a bagel shop.
I'm waiting
for the night train.
Night train to what?
[The Fist]
To get my groove back.
I think you might need
some silverware or something.
[Willy] A fork, I need a fork.
[Willy's date] That's it.
Waiter, bring me a fork.
Chica, why you
dating this monkey?
Monkey? [laughs] Oh, I always
wanted a monkey as a pet.
-[Willy's date laughs]
Did you know
that I'm Willy's date?
Listen to me,
ju can pet my monkey anytime.
-Oh, I can pet it?
Wow. [giggles]
Are you really El Guapo?
And is he really The Fist?
Do you wanna know why
they call him The Fist?
I've always wondered.
Because he puts it
all the way in.
Wow. That's crazy.
I think Thunderfoot was right.
Chinese Boss is here.
It smells like acrylic
and gold nail polish.
[Willy] You know why gold
is so expensive?
'Cause a dollar in gold
is always worth
a dollar in gold!
[high-pitch voice] Sir.
You make too much noise.
It's no good for business.
Well, excuse me,
Last I heard
this is a free country.
All except for
the Federal Reserve
which has enslaved the people
since like 1917
when Paul Warburg
pulled this bullshit
out on Jekyll Island
and enslaved
the United States citizenry.
All the people in America
are slaves.
And now we don't even know
what a dollar is,
it's just a worthless
piece of paper
with shit ink on it,
and you can't even
buy a chopstick
which, which will
poke your eye out
because tuna's cud,
watching the world go by,
while the Chinese come in here
and rape and pillage.
They're planning on raping
for the next thousand years.
It's like this whole
national debt thing,
there's no such thing
as a national debt.
It's a fraud.
It's a bunch of nonsense
because it's worth nothing.
And this is worth
as much as a fucking dollar!
There's just
completely worthless shit.
And we can do anything
we want! You understand?
We are the
United States of America.
We are the greatest
nation in the world!
And you are a bunch
of Chinese-eating
Long Duk Dong, plum sauce.
You got these fake ducks,
rubber ducks,
their fake dildos,
get these commies out of here!
Next thing you know,
we'll have these commies
selling their stuff
all over our biggest
stores in our country,
enslaving the hard-working man!
OJ wants some
Chinese spare ribs, Jack.
-Chinese ribs?
I like 'em charred.
[shouting] No ribs!
You go now. Now, go!
No. I stay. You go!
Take a seat.
[all grunting]
[dance music playing]
This is the worst date ever.
[inaudible arguing]
The fuck are you doing, boy?
Jew Fu!
Jew what?
[The Fist] Ju on this.
Yeah. [grunting]
Everybody, take it easy.
I'll take it
anyway I can get it.
Wait. Ju the Chinese Boss?
That's the last time
you call me a Jew.
I'm Armenian!
Ju da boss
at the bagel shop, too,
that's what I'm saying.
-Ju the boss...
-Yeah, I saw, too.
He runs both operations.
He's the
Armenian mob's connection
to the Chinese mafia.
-Okay. Okay.
-What did you expect?
Charlie Chan?
Somebody's gotta pay
for the damage you did.
Listen up, Boss,
you got problems with me,
you can take it to the shop,
the chop shop.
Well, here's the deal.
Your Scooby Gang
is not gonna interfere
with my street racket anymore.
Don't get upset, honey.
You want a chair?
I got one right here
that can fly.
And it's powered
by a can of whoop ass.
I'm the boss! What do you
think you're doing?
[narrator] Whoo, you know,
sometimes, man,
that spicy kung fu chicken
can give you hot wings
to crush your boss
like a Coke can.
But even a boss is just
a dealer in this game.
So Fist and his friends
gotta look further
down the supply chain
if they're gonna find
the real gangsters
in this town.
For real.
You know what I mean?
Hey, man, what you doing
back there, be careful.
This is the boss' car.
Oh man, shut up, jack.
Okinawa says that Fist
should've banged Willy's date!
Man, this guy hasn't banged
anything since the '70s.
Look at him. Ju know what,
Okinawa, that's why ju gotta
keep your balls sharp.
Okay, oh, look at this one!
Hey, little lady! Ju wanna
ride my love machine?
[honking] Okay.
I got your machine, man.
What's up, man.
Are you a cop?
Are you a narc?
What you doing man?
What do you mean
what am I doing here, man?
You know I was coming.
I was supposed to be here, man.
Hey, guess what?
Chinese restaurant closed.
Which way to Brooklyn?
Hey, man, Okinawa think
this man is fruity pebbles.
I am Hong Kong 8.
We the 8, the Hong Kong 8.
I'm on a rendezvous
with my group,
the 55 Brooklyn Crew,
you understand?
I don't know what you're
talking about,
but Brooklyn's back that way.
You will.
I believe in The Fist.
You understand
what I'm saying?
I know you, man.
I want the tiger's eye.
I will trade you
the fleece for it.
Did he say gold fleece?
That's what I said, man.
Man, what are you two turkeys
jiving at?
Argonaut's got it,
'cause war's coming.
What war?
We don't got no tiger's eye.
I don't know
what you're saying, man.
You will.
And you know why?
Because I believe in The Fist.
The 55th Infantry, Brooklyn,
got your back.
Hong Kong 8.
Hong Kong 8.
We got your back.
Man, that dude is crazy.
He holding up traffic for us.
He's not crazy. He'll be back.
So, uh,
we're going to Brooklyn?
No, man,
what you talking crazy?
The Chinese boss says
he works for The Albanian.
Which means we gotta
find The Albanian.
What Chinese boss?
The ol' Jewish crippled guy.
And who's Albanian?
Ugh. If I knew that, chico,
I wouldn't be black.
[Willy] Albanian?
I know that scumbag.
He puts all the creases
on the comic books.
Messes the whole things up!
I hate the guy!
Willy, what,
I thought your ass
was dead as an ass.
Must've been somebody
that looked like me.
I had to take
my girlfriend home.
Rule number one,
a man don't die
till he pays the reaper.
Someone's always gotta pay.
Just drive.
I gotta catch the red eye.
[The Albanian] The spider web
is almost like
you're a spider.
Nice shirt.
Beach boys, man.
You know what?
I just remembered.
What was your name again?
-I love the sugar.
-Oh, yeah?
May I? May I?
[both] Oh.
[Sugar] Oh, my.
I love the sugar.
[both] Oh.
We do this with the leg,
like this.
In my country
this is called Kun-un-a.
Oh, what?
Makes no sense.
-But just do it.
-[Sugar moaning]
We go like this.
[both grunting]
One more time.
[The Albanian] Oh.
We get 'em drunk,
put 'em in the trunk.
That is my motto.
Where do you think
you're going?
Uh, uh...
Into the trunk.
I'll show you the way.
Uh, what, what, what the...
What, what is,
what are you talking about?
[Willy clears throat]
No one knows.
Ju know what, this guy,
this guy is not Albanian, man.
He sounds like
he's Italian or Greek.
Ju know what I talking about?
Olive oil countries.
-Ju know what I'm saying.
First time I laid eyes
on this lying cock-eyed Commie,
I knew he's a fraud!
You steal everything,
don't ya?
You've stolen every comic book
in the building here!
-No, there's...
-And you put a crease
in Amazing 15!
Amazing 15,
you broke the crease!
That was not me.
That was me, but not.
It was the women. They like
to sit on the comic books.
Sorry. But I'll get you 15.
Rule number two,
don't ask, don't tell.
Ring the bell.
Ring the bell, chico.
The boss, he says ju
gave him your meat.
My meat?
Ju gave him your meat.
Did, gave. I gave--
That cheap, fraudulent SPAM!
mercury-laden garbage!
[Willy] My cat,
he ate some of that shit,
and everybody's
growing tits now!
Look at my tits.
I wear a C-cup bra!
My cat
got stuck in the dryer,
he went around and around.
Meow, meow, meow, meow.
Come out,
and he puffed up like that.
He can't even walk anymore.
His name was Leon,
he answers to Noel!
-I feel so sorry for you--
-My cat!
I don't like having tits!
I'm, I'm, I'm very sorry,
but blame it on the FDA.
Not on me. They had me do tofu
and call it beef.
I mean, they pump estrogen
in the meat,
and they pump it and they
pump it and they pump it,
and they do that all the time
and then the men come out
and have pretty little titties
and look like princesses.
But that is not me fault.
Not my fault, is it? What?
-You got a nice smile.
-You're very scary.
I'm not...
I'm not part of that tree.
If you know what I mean.
-Wanna be?
But look, look,
then in the forest,
the estrogen,
it make beautiful pussy.
With growing the pussy.
FDA approved.
You got a little pussy growing
on your chest, pretty boy.
[El Guapo]
Now ju talking my language.
Who sent you?
Pretty boy?
[The Fist] Who sent you?
What are you talking about?
You came in here.
What's this guy on?
He's about to be
on ju, gringo.
-[The Fist] Who sent you?
[breathing heavily]
What my furry friend
is trying to say is,
who do ju work for?
Why didn't you say so
in the first place?
Ju better hurry up,
he's getting bigger
and greener.
And harder.
We all work for
the same people. The witches.
You know,
the beautiful witches,
with the curvy asses
and the long legs
and the juicy,
juicy, juicy pussies.
Which witch?
Why did you
dunk me again? Huh?
-It slipped.
They're the beautiful ones.
The beautiful witches.
-The nasty witches.
-Oh, those witches.
Aren't they nice.
No, not those witches.
The fucking hot ones
with the green pussies.
Look, I'm just a shmoe
that has meat. That is it.
No. You're empty
and I'm about to fill you up.
Please don't rape me.
You got a nice smile, boy.
[bell ringing]
Hey, man,
check out the snow man.
I don't like snow man,
I like Santa Claus.
Oh, shit. Agents.
Government agents.
OJ's about to be DBM,
dead black man.
OJ, hide my yayo, man.
Go, go, go.
The Fist.
Let The Albanian go.
His ass belongs to the FDA.
You can have his ass.
I want his face.
Why don't we step outside?
Hmm. You can step outside
in a body bag.
You got a nice smile.
You're being watched.
They're everywhere.
It's all connected.
They're in your brain.
The fuck is wrong
with this guy?
[hip hop playing]
I get it. Chains.
They're still here, okay?
Brothers wearing gold chains.
The chains
that came from slavery.
The chains that held us down.
It's gonna change.
Gonna lead to riots.
Okinawa, unpause.
Dig it, change.
And change gon' come.
As a matter of fact,
gonna be a black
president one day.
-I know-- Yes, it is.
-Black president?
It's gonna be
a heck of a future.
He's gonna start out
looking like Carl Lewis.
He's gonna end up
looking like Benson.
The future's looking bleak.
They're gonna have
security guards at Popeyes
with guns
around niggas with chicken!
The Fist. Sign of power.
-Sign of power.
-Sign of unity,
-love, brotherhood.
I mean,
the Beatles and Woodstock
and all that stuff
don't mean nothin'
to what this brings
to the world.
We'll put it in the air.
Retract it.
All right,
pause back to you, Okinawa.
Bitch, get in the car!
And the rent's
still too damn high.
[engine starting]
Hope and change!
The Fist.
You've been evicted.
[upbeat music playing]
Dead or alive,
you're coming with me.
Man, these some super-agents.
[all grunting]
You reptilian-radiated scum!
They feed you
green sewer water
and they give you lead paint
and then they send you out
like RoboCops
to beat up your own people.
I got news for ya.
I'm one man,
but I come here
to chew bubble gum
and kick ass,
and I'm all out of bubble gum!
I'll be back.
Okay, uh, now I think
we're wanted
by the government,
you jacks.
[The Fist] I should be wanted
in at least 50 states.
Your baby-sitters
got sent home, big time.
Hey, there.
I've been waiting for you.
[The Albanian exhales]
I give up.
I want you inside me.
They tried to get me to talk
about the Superboss
who sells protein
to my cattle.
But you are like a light
that I see in the dark,
and I grasp for it,
and I keep grasping for it,
and it pulls me in,
and it pulls me in.
And Fist, this is for men.
Men. Man to man.
You are the greatest porn star
the world has ever seen.
And I wish every man
could be like you.
If looks could kill.
I'm just gonna watch.
[funky music playing]
Fist. That you or a clone?
[The Fist] Straight out
of a comic book.
Hey, man, look.
We got evicted
from our apartment.
Su mi casa es su casa.
I love you, man.
Dude, you got some food here
or something for us?
[Willy] No, my refrigerator
broke so I threw it
out the window.
Oh, man, you don't got
anything organic, vegetarian,
something like pussy,
or vegetarian pussy,
or cheapos, goat testicles?
Ah, I got some bull balls.
[knock at door]
-That's protein. You want some?
-Blue balls.
[Willy] Who the hell are you?
I had dinner with you
last night, retard.
Hi, Fist.
I'm sorry I ran out on you.
I brought you a doggybag.
I promise in future
I won't be bad.
[bell clanging]
What, did your mother slap
some sense into you?
I bet you don't
even have a mother.
True story.
Make sure that when you
take bites, they're big.
Hey, okay, little lady.
We gotta go now
because we got a mega fight
with the Superboss
at the car wash.
Right, Fist? So you gotta go,
little one. Okay?
I'm not the little one.
You're the little one
for hiding behind The Fist.
Hey! I'm a political refugee
from Cuba, okay.
And I want my human right like
the President Jimmy Carter says.
Now you go. Peace be upon you.
We gotta fight evil-doers.
He has to get some rest.
-Just wait here.
Here, look.
You see here, man.
Here, there, this, that.
[pleasant music playing]
[The Fist] Good morning, world!
Good morning, Guapo nino.
What a glorious day!
What's the matter with this guy.
This guy's acting like he banged
the Victoria Secret birds, man.
Hey, he's got a nice smile.
Fist, you shave
or something, man?
The razor broke
before I could shave my chest.
Guy's going a little cuckoo.
Yeah, but he's got a nice smile.
Aye dios mio,
first he's shaving,
then he play with doll,
the next thing you know
he's gonna take it up his culo.
Hey, he's got a nice smile.
[hip hop playing]
Welcome to the
Super Car Wash,
where everything we do is super!
Thank you. Clean and wax please.
No problemo. Clean and wax.
Thank you.
Thank you.
No, thank you.
You have a good one, sir.
Thank you.
No. Thank you.
Hey, what's up, you guys?
What can we do for you today?
Hi, guys.
Welcome to the
Super Car Wash,
-where we do everything super.
Because you're
first time customers,
to join our
super-savings program.
You're gonna save a lot.
Well, we got a discount for ju.
Why don't ju tell us
where you're boss is.
Okay, chica?
Oh, I'm sorry,
I didn't catch that.
But you know what,
I think I detect
a Soviet accent?
Oh, my gosh,
that's the first time
a Russian has been in our store.
What the fuck is going on,
are we in some Candyland
or something, man?
Chica, why don't ju just show
us where your boss is, okay?
We wanna talk to him.
That's it, okay.
Oh, you want to talk
to our Supervisor.
Here comes the Supervisor.
Who called the Supervisor?
Nice nunchucks, soul glow.
-You smacked my ass!
-How can I help you ladies?
Oh! What the...
The Albanian told us
about your car wash.
More like a money wash
where you launder Fed Notes
from making sales
of garbage meat, garbage meat
to the hard-working
American man.
I got your meat in my pants.
You got nothing!
Sleep, sleep, little boy. Okay.
-What's your name, man?
-Name? What's your name?
What's your name?
-I asked you first.
-I asked you second.
I like to know a man's name
before I put it on his grave.
Welcome to the Super Car Wash.
[El Guapo] Hey, Fist,
ju gonna do something
or stand there looking like
Pippi Longstocking?
This guy is smacking
our ass, man.
Do something.
I hope everyone is having
a beautiful day.
Are my friends too much
of a nuisance for you?
No, no problem,
no problem, Fist.
Now Superboss,
he wants to see your fist, Fist.
Not as much
as I want to see him.
Not as much
as I want to see your fist.
-Thank you.
-Let me show you something.
-Thank you.
-Yes, thank you.
[Supervisor] Have a nice day.
I've been up all night for this.
How ya doing?
Welcome to the Super Car Wash,
where we do
everything super great.
How are you finding our service?
Feel free to take a survey...
I'm sorry if my Supervisor
was a little rough
with your friends.
Not good.
They were probably
asking for it.
What my little friend
is trying to say is,
we heard a rumor
that you're selling
meat pumped full of estrogen
to emasculate men.
[laughing maniacally]
I know, right!
Soylent Beef
is the wave of the future.
Soylent Green
is the number one seller
in the world.
Okay, boopie. Thank you.
Out, out.
[breathing heavily]
I'm talking 50%
reduction in male testosterone.
50% reduction
in male testosterone.
50%! Are you hearing me?
Soon, man and woman
will become interchangeable,
like lady-boy bok choy.
Lady-boy bok choy!
I know your game!
I know your game!
But I tell you what,
I've been taking this
organic testosterone booster
for years now, and I'm ready,
you understand
what I'm saying, Mean Gene?
I'm ready to fight
your reptilian army!
And I'm gonna squish you
like a bug.
You're like a buffalo, man.
Just relax.
[pleasant music playing]
Hi, welcome.
Would you like a discount
to our super saver plan?
I don't do discounts.
Senorita, you sure
you don't want a discount?
[Superboss] I can't let you
go off
and warn these half-men
about my operation.
We need them slaving away
for the rest of their days.
Give it 30 years.
We'll be feeding them
genetically modified food,
and these idiots
will be eating it up.
They keep the economy going
in the hopes of one day
finding a man-eating,
ball busting, credit-swiping
witch for a wife.
Boy! I told you
not to call women witches.
I'm right in the middle
of a final showdown here.
Have some respect, Marian...
That's a sissy-ass name, man.
You like a lady!
-Shut up!
Just shut up! You die right now.
Who's this?
Hey, big boy. Take me.
-I'm yours.
Give it to me, daddy.
Give it to me.
Mom! Mom! Mom!
Look, I love you,
but will please just leave.
This is still my car wash.
Okay, but remember he's mine.
Fine. Fine.
Let's go.
Okay, cut, cut,
this is not right.
What did you do to The Fist!
I did.
I put enough estrogen
in those camel-filled
sweaty hairy balls
to grow you another tit.
What does Fist need
a third tittie for?
I told you, and I warned you
that I'm a witch from hell,
and you didn't believe me!
Ju know what your problem is,
Ju got nothing to do.
Ju need a passion in life.
And a Quaalude.
That's why I'd take
made in China
over American crap any day.
Don't make too much noise, boys,
I'm putting mama to bed,
you know when you blow
their brains out.
[singing in foreign language]
So this survey
says you're dead.
In this world, there's right,
and there's wrong.
And you. You're wrong.
Dead wrong.
Got anything else to declare?
[The Fist] You're damaged goods.
Have no fear, KGB is here!
Gimme some of that DDT!
I'm ready!
I need to resent the reptilians.
[upbeat music playing]
[dramatic music playing]
[slow motion groaning]
Have a super day.
You got a nice smile.
And you do, too.
Who's next!
You know, I don't have
to do this today.
I can come back tomorrow.
Just tell me,
is it still screwed on?
I'm out of lines.
Ha, ha!
Not so tough now, huh!
[narrator] Now don't go
scratching your heads
and shaking dandruff all over
the person next to you.
Fist might look tough
as Swayze,
but that Soylent Green GMO
estrogen he got slipped
would have you feeling
like Tinker Bell, too.
It's time for Fist to find
that tiger's eye he lost
with his gold fleece jacket.
Where has my gold gone?
Forged in the hearts of men,
grown drunk
on the spoils of war.
[Drunk Santa]
Shut that shit up.
How we doing?
Was it something,
I was off-key or something?
Hey, listen up everybody.
When the dragon sings,
everybody listen.
[The Fist] Dragon?
Dragons are meant to be wise.
Tell me,
where is my gold fleece?
Dragon mist.
Ain't you The Fist?
[sighs] Used to be.
When the world's
on your shoulders,
there's only one way down.
I lost it all. My home.
My job.
My manhood.
When you lose something,
there's only one thing to do,
retrace your steps.
[Duck Suck Song]
We are faced with a simple
complex formula, people.
The tide
in the affairs of men
have become a flood
in a bucket of tears.
It is time for us
to build our castles
in the air.
Fist, you have been looking
for the one for many moons.
But you will never reach
your potential
until you can forget
what you cannot remember.
There has been
and always was only one.
He who cries in the dojo,
laughs on the battlefield.
The heartbeat of a man
is what powers the earth.
Listen for it.
But do not dwell on it,
for like a thief,
if you let him in,
he will steal the night.
Body, mind, soul must be one.
Come on, punch me.
Punch me. Kick me.
Kick me.
[El Guapo] Get him, Fist.
Again, come on.
Everyone gets knocked down.
Just make sure
to punish the ground
so it knows
to hold you up next time.
Man, this Chinese bullshit
don't work, Jack.
Fist, don't worry.
I got something
to jack you up, man.
A little steroids,
a little cocaine.
I got a guy in Colombia.
Class A shit.
Man, this is the '80s.
You can just go downtown,
Now ju talking, Jackson.
The temple is the body.
If you burn it down,
you cannot honor the gods.
Honor the gods!
It's okay, Fist.
I'll be back, man.
We'll come back, come on.
We're being watched.
They're everywhere.
People will die.
Hong Kong 8 is a dock.
OJ remembers.
Hong Kong 8,
crazy man in the streets,
heading for war in Brooklyn.
And that means,
the war is here.
The war is here.
Okay. Ju wanna go to war,
we take you to war!
So, we going to war, huh?
[heavy metal music playing]
It is not my time.
You have to defeat me,
if you want to take me.
I have not come here
to fight you this time.
But to warn you.
You must fight
next to The Fist.
The Fist has lost his way.
His heart is broken.
There are many different ways
to the mountain's top.
What matters is that
he gets there.
He doesn't need me.
You must fight with him.
The fate of man
depends on your victory.
Honor the Gods!
[Duck Suck Song]
Guapo, enter the warehouse.
Okinawa will parachute
in from his castle in the sky.
Here, take this beret.
You have been knighted
a black cat in Panther Fu.
Watch Fist's back.
Let's put these witches
in their places
on their backs, suckas.
Oh, it's a dock party!
[El Guapo] Let me get in there.
[Okinawa] Oh, no, I want some
Action Jackson.
[El Guapo] You want some style,
flash, pizzazz.
Hey, ju want some ice cream
with me, baby?
-Okay, since you like it better.
-Ooh, okay, you can take it.
Ju wanna have some ice cream
with me?
Is that what you want?
This is why I do not
have children.
Will you fight with us?
Hell no! I got
a political action committee
to run.
Money doesn't
exactly raise itself.
That's all right,
I got this.
When the dragon flies,
everybody looks up.
What are we looking at?
I don't know.
[hip hop playing]
Hold on, blood.
Who the hell invited you?
I do not need an invitation.
What the heck is that,
some kind of Jedi mind trick?
No. It's called
waving good-bye.
[dance music playing]
It's The Fist!
[all yelling]
[Captain] You know you have
to ask the Captain's permission
in order to come
aboard his boat?
You're not Captain Crunch,
-and this ain't a ship!
-I'm Captain Stabbin'!
He killed the Captain!
You think you're tough?
Well, I'm mad as hell,
and you're about
to get roughed!
[all yelling]
Your cucumber is mine.
[all yelling]
[choir singing]
Just a bunch of dead bodies.
Excuse me, oh strange one.
You may look,
but you may not touch.
Oh, shiny head, I can touch,
but you can't look.
I'm the Supervisor.
I say we go outside,
and I teach you how to touch.
Sounds like a party
I'd like to be invited to.
Are we gonna go out
and fight,
I mean, uh...
Oh, absolutely, after you.
[all yelling]
Fist, que pasa, man?
Where you at?
You see the girl
with the feathers?
Where you at, man?
What you looking at, huh?
What you looking at, huh?
I'm El Guapo.
You fucking with me,
you fucking with the best!
Who put this
thing together, huh?
Me, that's who!
Check it out.
You guys see that shit?
You kill my partner,
I kill you!
[gun firing]
[gun firing]
[screaming continues]
[gun firing]
[gun firing]
[firing multiple gunshots]
[screaming continues]
[gunshots continue]
[all yelling]
Pass the Courvoisier,
I came to bleed.
You must pass my
ninja clan first!
Let's bang.
The Ancient Greeks
fought naked.
I'll fight naked.
[dance music playing]
Pop-blocking boxer style!
Drunken Master style!
Dolphin style!
Gorilla Style!
Padawan Master style.
[all yelling]
Nunchuck style.
Fist this, Mr. Fist Man.
Godzilla style!
I hope you brought
your boarding pass.
'Cause you're about to fly.
Midget style!
Now that's what
I call a skull fuck.
[women moaning]
It's time for the
payback, Jack.
Halt. The Fist.
The people upstairs
know all about you.
You're going away
for a long time.
The Federal Reserve
has never been audited.
The Illuminati
run everything.
You're under arrest.
And you're
under my friend.
How come Okinawa didn't get
an invitation to this dance,
you jive sucka!
Let's see what you got.
[both yelling]
Step up to the
fucking big boy plate.
Ice cold!
I hope you got more.
Cross it, bitch.
Bring it over here.
I got your woo
in my pants.
Playing your game
now, boy.
[both grunting]
What are you doing?
Super agent, huh.
Fuck that shit.
I told you I'd be back.
Damn it, they live!
[both grunting]
Give me more,
give me more.
I wanna eat a reptile.
Come on, reptile boy.
Let's see about that.
Give me some skin.
This is for Hot Rod making
snakeskin sandals in Heaven,
you reptile piece of shit.
Goodnight, Irene.
Consider that
my tax return.
Oh yeah,
you got a nice smile.
And I don't want
to hear from
the G's anymore,
you stupid
jive turkeys!
So we meet
again, buddy.
It must be a re-run
on your face.
[dramatic music playing]
Show me what you got.
[laughing continues]
You're not so
big anymore.
You're not so
big anymore.
You're not so big anymore!
["Bring Us A Warrior" playing]
And you can take your
Soylent Dream with it.
The Fist in the
palm of my hand.
Service with a smile.
It's hammer time.
How about a Coke
with that smile.
It's the porn chicas.
[women moaning]
Welcome, El Guapo.
[all] El Guapo, come
join us, let's play.
We are also known as the
Women's International
Terrorist Conspiracy...
From hell.
Do you think The Fist
would refuse to do us?
All of us?
Yeah, Guapo.
Will you leave us
Sometimes a man has to do
what a man has to do.
And a woman's pleasure
is a man's pain.
Say hello to
my little friend.
[all moaning]
Okay, you wanna
play, huh?
First you get the money,
then you get the power,
[both yelling]
then you get the women.
Okay, I'm reloaded.
Come on, what you
got for me, huh?
What did I tell you about
talking to other witches!
Oh, you got kicks.
Okay, you wanna
see some of my kicks?
Look at the birdie.
[El Guapo] How you like that?
How you like that, huh?
[both grunting]
Okay, okay, come on.
Oh, ju okay? I sorry.
I sorry.
I sorry, little lady, I
didn't mean to do that to you.
[narrator] All right,
motherfuckers, I know
what you're thinking.
The Superboss is working
for the goddamn witches.
You're damn straight.
No matter how
big a man may be,
there's always a woman behind
him ready to crack that whip
with her hypnotic sex magic,
unless your name is The Fist
and you're packing a
50 caliber cucumber
filled with consciousness
named Dirty Harry.
I should've known it was you.
He's ours now.
Let him go, snake eyes.
[El Guapo] Come on,
what you gonna do?
Master Duck Suck Song
was right.
We won.
Always have.
Always will.
Listen up, witches.
I didn't come to
change the world.
But the world's
gonna change for me.
Or get out of my way!
'Cause you can hate me
or you can love me.
But tonight, I'm gonna
make you scream God's name.
[all moaning]
Enter the fist, witch.
[moaning continues]
Fist, Fist, Fist,
Fist, Fist, Fist...
Can you feel
how hard I am!
I guess Fist got
his groove back.
You got my tiger's eye?
You got something what
I'm looking for, man?
I got what you
looking for, man.
Who sent you?
Who sent me?
Sun Tzu sent me!
Man, rewind, man.
Sun Tzu sent my ass.
[imitating flute]
Man, wars are
fought and won, man,
but you know what,
the battle stays the same.
You know what I'm
talking about, man?
Because of the fact
you found the tiger's eye.
You found the tiger's eye, so
I'm gonna hook a brother up.
[Argonaut] You found
the tiger's eye.
-Who sent you?
-Who sent you?
No, who sent you?
No, who sent you?
You came into my movie.
Fist, I just arrived
from the Planet Mongo
on my rocket cycle.
What were you
doing on Mongo?
Kicking Ming's butt.
I gotta tell you something.
I stole your golden fleece.
Why did you take it?
I needed it to become the
savior of the universe.
You can keep it.
It's '70s style.
I'm an '80s man.
I gotta get
back to work.
is it okay if I watch, man?
-Is that real gold?
-Oh, yeah.
Awesome, man.
You got a nice smile.
You got a nice mustache.
Watch what I do with it, baby.
To the shores of Tripoli
We will fight our
country's battle
On the land and on the sea
I am proud to have the
title of United States Marine
Yes, that's right.
No, Charlie
don't surf. Huh?
No, no, no, no!
[laughing maniacally]
I love the smell of napalm
in the morning.
I want some, too!
Show me The Fist!
[The Fist] Where's Superfly
when you need him?
[laughing maniacally]
One bitch.
Two bitch!
Three bitch!
Four bitch.
[laughing maniacally]
Who invited Count Chocula
to the party?
I am not Count Chocula.
I am Blacula.
[laughs boisterously]
Do I think all limp
dicks look alike?
I'm gonna make big
bucks from this movie.
[laughing maniacally]
Any last words?
[all yell]
Leave me, bitches!
[laughing maniacally]
Any last words?
Yeah, hell hath no fury
like a woman scorned.
Heaven has no
fury like The Fist.
I ain't got nothing
left to say, man.
Let's do the
monster smash.
[glass breaking]
["Bring Us A Warrior" playing]
Galactic Fist.
You're not going
to win, Fist
I'm going to win.
You can never beat me!
Heroes don't
exist anymore!
Fist the fist! Get him.
Get him.
Bleed them.
Get them all!
Get the
black one first.
Oh, robots can't stop me.
Feel my wrath, Fist.
How does that feel?
Are you ready
for the red eye?
Galactic Fist.
Farid Morocco
Bring us a warrior
Bring us a champion
Someone to fight hard
Be light in the dark
Bring us a warrior
Bring us a champion
And we won't back down
Bring us a warrior
Bring us a warrior
We won't back down
Bring us a warrior
This eye in the sky
You know what I mean
Vengeance is mine
Yeah, you know how I feel
Wipe the self
The felt is the birthplace
I see the G-O-D
In some blackface
Zeroes and heroes
Fist knew about this
Solid ages
Flagrant, and they talk shit
Palo Alto licked
And I'm about this
May you rest in peace
Or more selective
Soul rissoles
Can't taste this dog shit
Speak to the G
Yeah, he's The Fist
Yeah, VOD
I hope you get this
Negro peons
Lyin' in the pulpit
Not free to be dumb
Yeah, you trot this
Gone down the coast
You must pork this