Fwends (2025) Movie Script
1
- Okay.
You know what,
I'll describe where I am.
It's a intersection.
I'm at an intersection.
- At an intersection.
- And what's this?
A corner. Yeah.
I'm at a corner of the street
and, um,
it's--there's a tram stop.
- Yeah.
- There is a Woollies.
There is a escalator
and some stairs
beside the escalator.
- Sorry. Sorry.
- And, um...
- Sorry, I'm not-
- The shop that I, like,
it's not really open,
but it's got wooden panels.
- Sorry, what did you say?
- Sorry, what did you say?
Oh, it might be a...
It says flowers but
it looks more like a gift shop.
- Okay.
What else?
Just keep describing things
for me.
- Yeah, well, where...
What do you see?
- I don't know.
I think I'm like,
completely on the wrong side
of the thing,
'cause I don't see
any of the things
that you've been describing.
- Oh no. Wait, wait.
What street did you say?
Was it, is it Collins?
- What corner are you on?
Collins and Spencer?
Is that it?
Are you on the corner
of Collins and Spencer?
'Cause I'm on the corner
of Collins and Spencer.
Gosh. Oh my gosh.
Sorry.
[laughter]
How are you?
- I'm good. How are you?
- Good. Good. Good. Good.
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
Hello. How are you.
- Yeah.
- What wait, what is this?
Is this like a little,
thumb war secret handshake?
It's very nice to see you,
hello.
How have you been?
- Good to see you.
- Yeah.
- I was so happy
when you called.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Whoo, spontaneous trip
to Melbourne.
- Thank you for letting me crash
and stuff.
- Oh, anytime.
- Yeah.
- I'm always happy
for the company.
Sorry, my hands are very cold.
My hands just get cold easy.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- Where are we going?
What are doing?
- That way. That way.
- Sorry. Sorry.
[laughs]
- Yeah, it's rare that
we get sunshine over here.
- No, it's nice.
It's really nice.
So how have you been?
- Good. Good.
I'm just like, coming,
coming to the world, you know.
This is probably
the time of day when
I'm waking up from a dream,
and then I want the dream
to continue
so I fall back asleep.
- Like what sort of dream?
- Well, all kinds.
Pick your genre.
Sometimes it's horror.
- Oh, no, I don't want horror.
- But I'm the horror.
- That's not a dream.
That's a nightmare.
- Well, sometimes they're like
adventure, action,
sort of stuff as well.
Those are pretty fun.
- Are you like a superhero
or are you like a villain or-
- Kind of. Kind of.
Kind of the superhero.
And then other times
I'm in a huge lolly shop
and I'm like getting everything.
But then right before
I even pay or eat, I wake up.
Those are tough.
Those are tough
to come back from.
- Right.
So anyway,
miss high flying lawyer,
what's a typical day like
for you?
- Well, the good thing
about me is
that typical is actually
very typical.
I kind of get to the office
at eight thirty and-
- Woah, eight thirty.
Oh my God. That's early.
- Yeah, 'cause then
you can like go--
- What the heck?
- Well, no 'cause then you can
like check everything is done
before everyone else
comes in at like nine.
So you can get-
- Why can't you just
do that at nine?
- You can, but I just like,
I like, like starting the day
knowing that anything
that came through overnight,
like that has been sorted.
And then, I'll kind of
stay there till like 7:30.
- Wait, till 7:30?
- Yeah.
But we have this
really good thing
where they'll like get us lunch
as part of our thing.
- Is that even legal?
Like a 11-hour workday.
- Yes.
It's fine, it's lovely.
I'm in like a very, very-
- Lovely.
[laughs]
- Yeah, it is.
And if you stay late,
you get dinner and...
Are you coming on the footpath?
- No.
- No.
- You're coming here.
- Oh, just in time
for a street cleaner.
- 11-hour work days. Wow.
Okay.
So more than 11 hour work days.
Like you're still, you're
still working, like right now.
- No, I'm not still working.
- I can read
what's on your screen.
It's the weekend,
you're on holiday.
Like put it away.
- It's away.
- Ditch it.
Turn your phone off.
- I'm not checking work emails.
Someone just sent me an email.
I was literally just looking
at what they said.
[cascading piano music]
I'm allowed to do that.
- Do you look at
my disapproving face?
- I'm present. I'm present.
I'm present.
- You're present to work.
- Are those guys playing cricket
on a tram track?
- Oh.
[laughter]
Ah, classic Melbourne eh?
- Is this like
an everyday thing?
- Oh yeah, totally.
- Just like men being obnoxious
in public space?
- Yeah. Sometimes it's football.
- Oh great.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Think I saw handball
the other day.
[laughter]
- I hate it.
- Oh. Do you mind if I-
- Yeah.
- Oh, thank you.
- That's all good.
- I do not carry bags anywhere.
- No, you're alright.
This is very good by the way.
- Oh, gosh, you know what?
- Yeah.
- Now that like you've got
this cool lawyer
high paying job.
- Yes.
- That is...
My mom. Oh my God.
If she finds out,
I will never hear the end of it.
- Okay, so don't tell Denise.
- Yeah, we do not.
That's why we do not
tell Denise anything.
- We'll not tell Denise
and please find me a coffee,
'cause now I have an addiction.
- Yes, yes, yes. It's this way.
It's this way.
- Thank you.
- Oh. Although, okay.
These are really cool.
Like, you work in
a place like this
with the cool spinny doors.
- Yeah. What's cool about it?
- Well, you can just keep going,
and going as much as you like.
- No, you just go in
and you open up your laptop
and you do your work.
- Oh.
- Which way are we going?
- Actually, it's this way.
Yeah.
Yeah, okay,
but enough about Denise.
How's your parents?
How are your parentals?
- Yeah, no they're fine.
- Yeah.
- In a kind of
mid-life crisis way.
Yeah, no,
my dad is like convinced
he's gonna teach himself
how to play the guitar.
- Oh, okay.
- He has these like,
whole conversations with me
about like, you know.
He's like, I could pick it up,
I could learn a skill.
Even though like
the only songs he cares about
are Bob Marley songs
and I'm like,
I don't know
how I feel about that.
- All right.
- And then mum had
a hysterectomy which was fun.
- A hyste...
Oh, what does that involve?
- It's like where you get your
uterus like chopped out of you.
- Oh damn.
Your life sounds really hectic.
- Yeah, but you find good stuff
too, like I figured that-
- Wall mirror.
- I was just gonna say
that frozen peas
kind of go well with everything.
Yeah.
- Let's make a shape together.
Oh, I like that.
- I literally will go there.
- Yeah, I know.
But it doesn't have the good
coffee that I wanna get you.
- Okay.
- Yeah, okay, look,
trust me, we are so close.
- Do you actually know
where it is?
- I do.
- What's it called?
- Well, it's a surprise.
It's a secret surprise.
- Mm-hmm. Okay.
- It's a surprise secret.
That way afterward.
Oh.
- Little guy.
- You know,
I think this is a metaphor.
[pensive music]
Like, about life.
Because you know, when -
this rat is dead,
it doesn't really care
or know that it's dead.
But when it was alive,
it was experiencing life.
- How is that a metaphor?
- Well,
what I'm trying to say,
it's not about getting to
the end of the coffee,
but it's about the journey
on the way to the coffee.
We are so lost right now.
That's great.
[laughs]
- Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- I just need a coffee.
- I know I said I was - oh wait.
They have coffee.
Do you just wanna?
Yeah. Okay. Let's -
- Yeah.
- Matcha latte.
Yeah, sure.
Thank you.
- [laughs]
- We're here.
I dunno where here is,
but we're here, you're here.
- Thank you for
letting me crash and...
- Oh anytime.
- I don't know I'm very-
- It's so good to see you.
- Grateful. You too.
How have you been?
- Good. Chill.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Life's been pretty chill.
- Nice.
- Just sort of working
casual part-time hours,
watering plants, you know,
sort of like selling plants,
and playing lots of video games
and stuff and yeah.
Yeah, but it's kind of cool
just having all this free time
to just do rando
impromptu adventures.
- Yeah. No, it's lovely.
Thank you for showing me round.
Sorry it was very last minute.
- Oh, it's fine.
I mean, it was spontaneous,
which I like.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- When - I mean why,
what spurred it on?
The spontaneity, and-
- Oh, my boss
slapped me on the arse
and I went, "I'm gonna go to
Melbourne for the weekend."
Yeah.
- Uh...
- Just for a weekend.
I'll come back and we'll tell HR
on Monday and everything.
- Has that happened before?
- Not with this boss. No.
Yeah.
- But...
Woah.
- Yeah, you kind of just go,
I decided I wanted to do
this thing when I was like
10 years old
and didn't really know
what the thing was
and have like,
given up more than
half of my life
to just be where I am now,
which I'm very grateful for,
for my own kind of hard work
to get there.
Yeah.
- Grass!
- Whoo!
Yup. Yup. Yup.
[laughter and sighs]
[groans]
- Oh my gosh.
- That is awful.
- That is too loud.
[train tracks clattering]
Come on,
I cannot with this place.
Let's go.
I know a much better spot.
Come on!
- How do you have
so much energy?
- Whoo!
- So this woman was assigned
as my mentor in this kind of
bullshit, like,
women helping women,
achieving equality in
the workforce kind of thing.
Which was so clearly like
a fucked initiative by a man.
Anyway, she'd been in
the law firm for like 40 years,
clearly hated her job
and was like not interested
in helping other women
because she had
this whole thing of like,
"I fought hard to get here."
And it basically
turned into like
a man just with a vag instead.
- Oh, that's even worse.
- The whole time,
she was just giving me
tips about like,
this is how you get men
to listen to you,
and every single tip was
like, well you have
to make them think
it was their idea.
And so I will be in a meeting
and I will say an idea.
No one will listen to me.
And like an
hour and a half later
a man will say the same thing,
literally paraphrasing the idea.
And everyone will be like,
"Oh, that's wonderful.
That's a great idea."
And you go,
"I fucking said that."
And so she goes, "Yeah.
So the trick is you have to..."
Fucking men like this.
- Oh, cute.
He's got that spiky thing
sticking out of his head.
- I think it's just so
the pigeons poo at his feet,
not at his head.
Yeah.
She also said
I should do power poses
right before a meeting.
So now every time
I have to go in
and like pitch an idea,
she makes me stand
in my cubicle like this.
And just take up space, huh?
- I don't feel very powerful.
- Me neither.
Yeah, she just made it
really clear to me that like,
her respecting me wasn't
something that was a given.
It was something I had to earn.
And so that whole first year
out of uni,
I was like, yeah,
I will stay to 8:30pm at night.
I'll do whatever fucking shit
you need me to do.
- I feel like it always
hits different
when it comes from
another woman.
- Yeah, and I think
it was like the fact
that I was really proud of it,
that I had like
put this little seed of me
in there that was like,
yeah, I'm gonna prove you right.
And, every night
I would stay later,
I would be like,
yeah, she will get it.
Like she will respect me
and I will be worthy of that.
And like, the fact that that
felt good was really fucked up.
- Oh.
- I don't think I realised that.
And I think I'm just kind of
finding that now that like...
- Well, but I mean,
if working hard feels good,
then why not just work hard,
I guess?
- Well, that's what
I always thought.
I mean, that's what
we're taught to think.
But 'cause it doesn't
go anywhere.
You have these things of like,
I will have a good job.
I will have stability.
I will have a house.
And then you're like,
I won't have a house firstly,
'cause the market's
completely fucked.
But even if I-
- Wait you won't?
I thought you earned
a shit tonne?
- No, but I pay
a shit tonne on rent.
I pay a shit tonne on
convenience foods because
I can't cook 'cause I'm so
exhausted all the time, right?
Just doing that constantly.
And then you go,
the whole planet's
gonna be underwater anyway!
Like, what is the point
of trying
to get like a waterfront house
when you are like,
sea level is rising, you know?
- Yeah.
I mean, what is the point?
- All I ever wanted to do was
live in Bondi near the beach.
It's like you have
these things as a child
where you're like,
if I'm near the beach,
I'll be able to have a swim
before work.
And it's like,
I won't be able to swim
before work, because...
Oh, sorry, sorry.
And I won't be able
to have kids either, right.
I know, I just think about
bringing kids into the world,
with all this is happening.
- Oh, you want kids?
- No, I don't want kids.
I couldn't look after a child.
I would fuck them up.
I've been having
this conversation
with my mom recently and
she sort of got really mad at me
'cause I said, "I couldn't
have kids, I'd fuck them up."
And she was like, I don't know.
I think she just has
a complex around like
the fact that I blame her
for fucking me up.
And she was like, "You know,
you would've been
fucked up anyway.
You would've found
a reason to complain."
And I thought, yeah right.
But it's different. I think.
Fucking a kid up
'cause of climate change.
And housing has just been
turned into another commodity,
which it always has been,
technically, an asset, right.
But it's just the rules
of the game have changed
and that the numbers
that you're dealing with
are so immense.
The way that it's going up
in the rate that it is -
- We are here,
on Princes Bridge right now.
It's a gorgeous day.
There's the river.
Yeah.
We're getting to a nice part.
[birds chirping]
- It's very brown.
- [gasps]
I love your outfit.
- Thank you. Thank you.
- Can you tell me
where you shop?
- Oh, it's all online.
- Oh.
Everything is nowadays,
isn't it?
- Yeah, it is.
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
- Took me ages to get
the costume together.
- Dang. I appreciate the effort.
Well done.
- The hard part's the sizes.
- Oh? Like guessing them?
- Do they have, like,
a measurement chart?
- Cool.
- Yeah.
- I'm showing my friend
around Melbs.
- Right.
- Yeah.
- Great.
Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Chillaxing.
- Yeah.
Where are we going?
- To the gardens.
Yeah.
Have a good one.
- You too.
- Is that man seriously
dressed up as a clown?
- Ooh, why not?
- He's like 52 or something.
- Well, it's a look.
[birds squawking]
This, I swear, is the best spot
in the whole city.
- Something just
flew into my face.
- Yeah. That happens.
What do you think?
Lovely, huh?
- Yeah.
- I come here all the time.
- What do you do?
- Vibe.
- What does that mean?
- Oh, you know, you just
kind of... vibe.
Do you not just vibe?
- No, no.
[laughs]
Yeah.
I don't really know
how to do nothing.
- Well, that's kind of
the point.
Like you don't do anything.
- Yeah.
- To do nothing.
- Yeah. I just feel like
I'm constantly...
[plane whirring]
Yeah.
- Yeah. It's really noisy today.
I'm sorry. I don't know why.
It's not usually this loud.
- Yeah.
- It's usually
a lot more serene.
- A lot more vibe.
- Yeah.
- I don't even know how to like
not do anything with my hands.
[whirring fades]
Doesn't it make you just want
to take your hand and just go
to your bum pocket
and get your phone out?
- Oh no, no, no, no.
No phones. No phones here.
Put it away.
- [sighs]
- Oh, oh good. Come on. Come on.
This tree is super special
to me.
Whenever I come here,
I always feel like
it's giving me a hug.
So I like to hug it back.
- Does it say anything
while you give it a hug?
- Not really, but I feel like
it just accepts me, you know?
It's kind of why I like being
around plants more than people.
There's no expectations
or pressure or whatever.
- Or small talk.
[laughter]
- Like you can just be.
Vibe.
- [laughs]
- Are you okay?
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Oh careful.
- Shh.
I got a ladybug right on my tit.
[laughter]
- Are you okay?
You've got so much dirt on you.
- Yeah. I just got
a little ladybug.
- [gasps] Hey.
- Oh my gosh.
[gentle music]
- This is an old ladybug.
- How do you know?
- Because it's got
a lot of spots.
- What, that's how it works?
- Yep. The old ones have
heaps of spots.
The young ones
just have a little.
[gasps and squeals]
- So you're saying only old ones
are attracted to me.
You've probably seen
some shit, eh?
You've like been around.
Can you please teach me
how to stop biting my nails?
Please. I beg you.
- Strange. It's not flying away.
Wonder what happened
to its wings?
- Maybe I squashed them
with my boob.
- Those be some powerful boobs.
[ladybug chitters]
[both gasp]
- Oh, is she gonna fly away?
- Don't fly away yet.
- Oh.
- Oh.
Wouldn't it be funny if it
flew into one of our faces?
- What do you reckon
she spent her years doing?
Was she like, a housewife?
Or a She-EO?
- What a fancy, fancy structure.
- It's like Mount Olympus.
- Yeah.
- But you're just looking out
onto where they play AFL.
- Does that make us
like the gods
of footy or something?
- Yeah. Yeah.
Like the, like that.
[laughter]
I'm like frozen like
a statue like a God,
but the, kicking the ball.
I play netball with work.
Have I told you that?
- Wait, what?
- Yeah.
We have a mixed netball team.
- Wow. Look at you.
Getting all sporty now.
- I know.
There's something about seeing
grown men, grown meh-meh-meh.
Grown men.
I can't even say grown men.
Grown men in bibs, that just
like brings him down a peg.
Yeah, you kinda go huh,
Ryan might be
kind of an asshole
who can't make small talk
by the coffee machine,
but God,
he looks good as a wing defence.
- Actually,
now that you mentioned it.
The other day,
I did have a dream
where a random man was
making coffee by the street
in a netball bib.
- That's Brian.
- And I went to go order
a coffee from him.
He was like, "Alright."
And he went to go make a coffee.
And he was like, "Here you go."
And instead of getting a coffee,
he full on like
served a volleyball at me.
It wasn't even a netball.
- You clearly don't know
how sports work do you?
- No.
Woah. Okay.
It's really starting to...
overcast.
- Yeah. I think I have
an umbrella in here though.
- Oh, yeah and that was
so loud as well.
- A second.
- Oh, what's this book about?
- Climate change?
There's like,
the first paragraph is on hope.
Do you want a protein ball?
- Sure.
- And then it's like 130 pages
on just bleak, bleak despair.
[thunder booms]
- Yeah. Alright.
I think we should hurry it up.
I feel like it's gonna
really pour soon.
Oh, oh, oh, oh,
I know where we are.
Short cut. Short cut.
That way. That way.
- Is this taking us to the tram?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh wait.
No, maybe it was that one.
Where do I live?
Brunswick, Bru... North. North.
[bright music]
Cha-cha cha.
[sneezes]
- Bless you.
- This city gives me
such bad hay fever.
- Yeah. Oh yeah, by the way,
are you okay
to sleep on the couch,
because Jason just hasn't
finished moving out.
I'm so sorry it's a mess.
- Is this us?
- Is this...
Yeah, oh shit. Yeah it is us.
- Oh my God, the sun really
kinda came outta nowhere.
Is that just like Melbourne?
- Yeah. Yeah. That's
a classic Melbourne thing.
- So where else is Jason now?
- Actually in Brisbane.
Yeah, with family.
I think he is helping out
in his mum's
golf course or something.
- So he is gonna come back
and like grab his stuff
later or-
- Yeah, at some point.
- Okay.
So he is just like,
being a golf... boy.
With the tees. Does he go
picking up tees or something?
- I guess so.
I don't really know how
it works to be honest.
- Okay. Yeah.
- Yeah.
I've actually
not played golf before.
- No, neither.
I mean, all the men
in my office talk about it.
I think it's their, like,
weekend getaway thing.
I feel like that should
give you some closure
that like maybe it's okay
that you and Jason broke up
because he's probably
an anti-environmentalist.
Like, his family business
is degrading Earth
and privatising property.
- Yeah. I don't know.
We never really talked much
about that type of thing.
I feel like towards the end
we just sort of
mainly did our own stuff.
Like, he'd just be playing
"Dungeons and Dragons"
every night with his friends,
and I mean,
I tried to get into it but-
- No.
- No. Yeah, exactly.
- Is this you?
Or are you nearby, or?
- No, we're a little bit more.
Oh, but seriously,
don't expect much, okay?
I have not cleaned in
I have no idea how long and..
- I'm not like,
a total clean freak.
- Well, but this is funny.
I only have one fork
in my house.
Like, legit.
Because Jason insists
that he was the one
who brought all of them in.
And so they all left
with him except for one
because he pitied me, I guess.
- That's not...
You didn't want to go get more?
You haven't had people
over since?
- I just haven't
gone around to it yet.
- Oh, well I'm very flattered
that I get to
be the woman with the fork.
- I'll give you the fork.
- No, no. I can just eat
with my fingers.
It's okay. Maybe I should
eat with a knife...
- Haha. Oh, rain stopped.
Anyway. This is Fitzroy.
This is where
all the cool kids hang out.
- Oh dear.
This is my tram. Sorry,
I'm going back where I belong.
- You're funny.
- Oh no, I can't run. Can't run.
All this water is making me
need to really pee.
- Oh, okay.
Well don't worry because my
place is just around that corner
and I need to tell you,
it is a soulless, soulless,
grey box.
Oh it is really,
really soulless.
And I have to pay like
400-ish a week for it.
- Oh, that's actually
really good.
- Huh?
- For a one bedroom?
This close to the city?
- Wait, what?
- That's fine.
- How much is a place in Sydney?
- Oh, like, double that.
- Oh, that's nuts. What?
- You're selling it very well
though by the way.
I can't wait.
- Oh wait. No.
How much, how much
do you have to pay in Sydney?
- I'm not telling you that.
- Oh you know what?
I wanna know.
- It's very rude
to ask a woman her rent.
- Okay. I am sorry.
I am sorry ma'am.
I hate how that looks.
Anyway, yeah, just come on in.
Make yourself at home.
- Lock?
- Nah.
So corridor, obviously,
bedroom on the left.
Kitchen with the lonely fork
on the right.
Table, Nintendo Switch,
couch and balcony.
I usually spend most of my
nights out here just smoking up.
'Cause it helps me sleep.
- Got a lovely view
of the petrol station.
- Yeah.
Sometimes I just sit
and get very philosophical
'cause like the cars
coming and going
just remind me of things
coming and going, life.
- Yeah, like this guy.
- That was an intentional kill.
- What?
- Yeah. 'cause Jason gave me
that as a anniversary gift
and so I just
didn't like it anymore.
- Yeah.
- Anyway-
That's like the cheapest petrol
I've seen.
- Oh really?
- Yeah.
- Whoo. Go Fitzroy.
So this is-
- Yeah. Oops, sorry.
- This is where
you are gonna sleep.
Do you get cold at night?
- A little bit. Yeah.
I just didn't really
pack warm stuff.
- Uh, what do I...
Oh actually, hop off.
I'm pretty sure.
A-ha!
Okay, so this is like
extra, extra,
in case - you know,
you need a bit of warmth.
[laughter]
Yeah.
- Thank you.
- Yeah. I went through
a sewing phase
and just never really
got to using those.
- Yeah. Right.
- At least you can put 'em
to good use.
- Yeah, thank you.
[laughs]
- Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Are they Jason's bo - bo -
I can't even say the word.
Jason's boxers you still have
on the line?
- Yeah, unfortunately.
I mean, like I said,
he's still got little things
lying around here and there.
Like that, his bike, stuff.
Yeah.
- The art's yours though?
- Most of it, yeah.
- Mmm, I'm tired.
- Ooh.
Actually, I know what you need.
A spa day is perfect
for some rejuvenation.
- Yippee!
- And I've been also
kind of like wanting to
try these for a while.
Oh that's so cute and pink.
- This cannot be good for you.
- I'm sure it's filled with good
natural stuff for your skin.
- Propylenglykol,
glycereth 26. PEG.
Sorry, I'm not trying
to grab you -
where's the other half?
- Oh it's gone.
Pop your head up.
- I can't read everything.
Hexanediol, hydroxyacetophenone.
Limonene.
- Shh.
- Oh. Mh-mm-mm, mmhm, mmhm.
- It's okay. Take a deep breath.
You are now in
the spa of Jessie.
Just do it.
- It's in my mouth again.
- Yummy.
- It's not yummy.
[humming and laughter]
- Do you know the song?
Surely you know the song.
Come on. It's Bieber.
- It's what? No, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
- Yes. Yes. Yes.
- No, no, no, no.
- Yes, yes, yes, yes.
- No, no, no, no.
- Yes, yes, yes.
[laughter]
Ho ho ho ho ho ho.
- Ho ho ho.
Merry Christmas.
- Okay, Santa.
- [laughing as Santa]
Imagine if Santa came down
your chimney,
and he was wearing these.
Santa like comes to
drop your presents off
and he's just covered
in blue scales.
- Oh.
- You're like what?
- Alright.
- And Santa's like,
ho, ho, ho, ho.
- I think, if Santa's
covered in blue scales,
I think I'd invite him to the
spa of Jessie as well. You know?
- Yeah and Ms. Claus
will get jealous,
she'll be like, "Who's this
lady, with scales on her face?"
- I feel like-
- Ms. Claus sounds
like that too.
- Yeah, but I'll be like,
"Ma'am, I am doing you
a favour."
"Your man could use
a dermatologist."
- What?
- If he's covered in
blue scales, you know.
- Are you saying that
Santa's got bad skin?
He can't help it, man.
- Why?
- He's like
hundreds of years old.
- I mean it doesn't help-
- And he's overworked,
goddammit.
Santa's got millions of houses.
- Well, he also lives in
a really cold place.
He needs to learn
how to moisturise.
- [laughs]
- I'm really glad
you came here this weekend.
- Yeah.
- 'Cause obviously
your work's hectic.
I'm so sorry that your boss
did that.
That's really not cool.
- No, it's okay.
- No, it's not.
- No, like it actually is.
It's kind of a thing.
It's like a little
right of passage, you know.
I feel like every woman
has like,
a low-key
workplace harassment story,
and now I just get
to add mine to the canon.
- It should not be that way.
- Yeah. Frankly,
Brian's not really the problem.
- What do you mean?
- I think it's...
I went to tell my lady mentor
after and-
- Susan?
- Yeah.
She just like could not
have cared less,
to the point where
I got this weird lecture
about toughening up and
how if it had have upset me,
I should have just turned around
to him and gone, "How dare you?"
You know, sort of thing
that she was able
to do when she was my age.
And that's how she had the power
to rise up to where she is
and put men in their place
and blah, blah, blah.
- Ooft.
- And then I thought
maybe it is my fault
that I didn't say anything,
that I just-
- No.
- No, but I just let it happen
until I kind of convinced myself
that maybe it didn't happen.
Maybe I was going crazy.
Maybe there was like
a mosquito on my butt,
that he was trying to smack
or something.
I dunno.
And then I was like,
the response should be outrage.
Like I know that
that's what it should be.
But there was like
this tiny weird little
part of me that was like...
You know when you're at
your first party
and this boy comes up to you
and he's like covered in pimples
and has like three
little moustache hairs
and you have
a better moustache than him,
'cause you're Italian and
you haven't started waxing yet.
And you can tell
his friends have like
totally dared him to do this.
But he like looks you
in the eye
and he says,
"Hey, you're really hot."
And you're like...
And you know
it makes you feel gross
when he like slides his hand
into your waist,
but you just kind of go, oh.
That's nice.
And you just kind of ignore
the yucky gut feeling.
Or all the other boys
at the other side
of the lawn laughing at you,
and you go, maybe I am hot.
No one has told me that before
and maybe I am.
And so then
when Brian slaps you,
you feel like
it's a rite of passage?
- I think, attention,
rite of passage-
- I'm not excusing it.
- Well, no,
I'm just saying
I think all of that
is overrated.
- Yeah.
- I was a stripper in Berlin
for a couple months actually.
Just kind of, yeah,
learned that after a while.
- Did it make you
feel empowered?
Like, better at,
better at like-
Sex? I dunno.
- [chuckles] Uh-
- You felt sexier when you took
your clothes off?
- Yes and no.
Depended on the sitch.
- Did you tell Jason?
- Actually no.
That was before we got together.
So didn't really figure
that it was his biz.
- I can't believe
you still have his undies.
Throw them away.
- Oh.
[gasps]
- Okay. I'm touching the crotch.
Throw them away.
- Oh, no.
- I feel really bad
about littering.
- Ah, you'll be all right.
Come.
Oh, I wanna show you something.
I get this online at Temu,
because I thought
it looked like space.
- Bluetooth is on.
Bluetooth is connected.
- Damn right it is.
Bluetooth is connected.
Oh.
That was so pretty.
[laughter and grunting]
You reckon in space
instead of aeroplanes ,
there's spaceships
that fly around in the sky
and give lots
of noise pollution?
- I don't know.
I reckon the universe
doesn't have much sound.
Like it wouldn't be able
to bounce off things.
You know when you're in like
a really concrete-y place
and the concrete just goes
boom, boom, boom
and then the sound goes
boom, boom, boom.
[echoing clicking]
[soft chimes]
- Do I sound kind of like
a horse when I do that?
[voice reverberating]
Neigh!
Neigh.
Neigh.
[laughs]
I've got a funny -
What, what, what did
the horse say at the gay club?
- [voice reverberating]
What?
- S-neigh.
Get it, because
it's like slay but it's neigh,
and it's gay at the club.
What rhymes with club?
The sub gonna get a Subway
'cause it's cheap.
Gonna gimme something good
to eat for lunch, munch.
I'm in a crunch,
a time crunch
A money crunch,
all the crunch
There's nothing to do,
but there's so much to do
Shoo, shoo,
go away deadlines
I'm not dead fines,
I'm dead, not fines
It's all mines
And it's in my head
But maybe it's not.
Maybe it's real
Maybe there's some truth
to how I feel
I feel like a meal
That's been left
on a table going cold
Picked at, and picked at
and no one wants the peas
There's just
a whole thing of green peas
Please, says Mum
Eat your fucking peas
and I say, no Mum
I don't want peas
I want mash,
which is also how I feel
I feel like mash
and I'm going to crash
And it's been like way
too long since I've had a pash
I feel like trash
Global warming
Too much rubbish
in the oceans
Climate change
Yeah
Man, science has really
like has been telling us
this kind of shit for seriously,
since the '60s.
Maybe earlier. And we all knew
it was gonna happen.
But there were vested
business profits
that stopped us
from doing anything about it.
Exxon,
I'm looking at you, no offence,
but also lots of offence.
[button clicks]
- Yeah.
- Oh, I thought that it was
gonna do a different setting.
Hello.
- Hi.
[beep]
- Oh.
- [distorted high-pitched voice]
There you go.
- [distorted high-pitched voice]
Now I'm a little baby,
and that sounds kind of crazy.
You know what else is crazy
The shit scientists know
They're fucking raw dogs
And we don't pay them enough
for their research
- Although actually, sometimes,
well, science is subjective.
- No, that's the whole thing
about science -
That's the whole fucking thing
about science.
That it's not objective.
It's not subjective,
it's objective.
Subjective is like
English literature.
Objective is science.
They do tests,
they do hypothesis.
They have a hypothesis
and then they test it.
- Well, that's the thing
because.... hypothesis.
I can't take myself
seriously with that.
- And I can't take you seriously
when you talk fucking shit
like this.
- Okay.
Because-
- We went to an academically
selective school.
- Because hypothesis,
if you think about it,
it's just a widely
agreed on thing.
- [normal voice]
No, they do test...
[button clicks]
No -
- The Bluetooth device
is ready to pair.
- Well, hypothesis
isn't actually a fact.
It's what they're
trying to prove.
- Which is why
they then prove it.
What do you have to say
for yourself?
Are you a climate denier?
Are you a Flat-Earther?
- I'm not a climate denier.
- Well, thank fuck.
- The thing is, you see this?
- Yes.
- We call this the colour brown.
- Oh no, she's watched
a bad TikTok.
She thinks she's clever,
but it's actually designed
for fucking eight-year-olds.
- No, the thing is-
- It's not that deep.
- Objectively,
this is really brown.
We just all called it brown,
and agree that it is.
- Gimme my microphone back.
Please give the microphone back.
That's not a hot take.
- It's not your microphone.
It's mine.
- Jessie.
Jessie, I don't understand
what your point is.
- We call this brown,
because we've all agreed
that it is brown.
- Which makes it brown.
- Yeah, but I could call it...
"Shibadoo."
And if enough people agreed
that this was called Shibadoo,
it would become
the colour Shibadoo.
- Exactly.
So then it would be Shibadoo,
because
we would all collectively agree
that it's Shibadoo.
- Yeah. Which makes
collective agreement subjective.
- The truth.
No, it's not subjective because
it's still the same colour,
whether you call it
brown or Shibadoo.
Then you're just talking
about language, not science.
That's just language.
It's like in French,
that is "marron."
Everyone calls it "marron."
It's still "marron."
- Well, colourblind people
experience colour differently.
- Oh for fuck's sake.
No they don't.
- So that would be different
to them.
- Yes, they experience it
differently,
but it doesn't change
what colour actually is.
It's a light wave.
That is a light wave.
The colour of brown
is a light wave.
- Well, how do you know
that it is a light wave?
- [voice echoing]
Because I was in science class!
- So was I.
- It's still picking up
the echo.
So you can hold it
away from me all you want,
but I will be loud enough!
Loud enough!
- Okay.
What is loud?
- It's decibels.
It's decibels, Jessie.
- What is a decibel?
Can you show me a decibel?
- Oh my God!
You can get your phone.
You can Google a decibel.
This is the problem
with the world -
it's that people have no idea
what they're talking about
think that they're an authority
when there are scientists
who have actually spent years
studying decibels
and actually know
what sound waves are.
Oh my God.
And those sorts of people
should not have the microphone,
metaphorically,
but also literally.
They should not have platforms.
They should delegate
and give the opportunity
to people who know
what they're talking about.
Talk about.
- Do you know what
you're talking about?
[device beeping]
- No, but -
- Oh, different mode.
- No, I don't know
what I'm talking about,
which is why I shut up
when it's not about me.
- But you're being really loud
with that microphone.
- Because you weren't letting me
speak into it to echo.
You were just echoing your own
echo chamber bullshit.
- Okay, but you were
the one talking
over me this whole time.
- Because you were saying-
- And you've been making it
all about you this entire day.
- That's shitty.
That's a shitty thing to say.
I was sexually harassed at work,
and you're saying that
I'm making it about me.
That's shitty.
It's shitty.
- You said it wasn't even
about your boss.
[beep]
[distorted high-pitched voice]
That's shitty.
That's really shitty.
Please, can we just -
can we just pretend
this didn't happen?
I will brag to you about science
at a later date.
But can we just pretend
this didn't happen?
- No, we can't.
[device clicks]
- [normal voice] Why are you -
- Because it did.
- Why are you trying to make me
feel shit about science?
- I wasn't trying to make you
feel shit about science.
I was just sharing
my perspective.
And you started shouting.
- [voice echoes]
No.
[normal voice] No, 'cause I-
- I don't like that.
I don't like that you've been
talking at me this entire day
when I've been just trying
to show you around Melbourne.
- What?
What does this have
to do with decibels?
You're being so unreasonable.
You said something
that was objectively wrong.
I was correcting you.
- You don't know what's real
and what isn't.
Not to somebody else.
- But that's not
what this is about.
- You don't know me, Em.
It's been years since
we've last seen each other.
The least you could do
is actually just-
- Then tell me!
Like tell me what the fuck
is going on.
Don't expect me
to read your mind.
If your whole thing is
that people aren't objective-
- I am not -
- Then, then tell me.
- I am not going to open up
to you if you shout at me-
- Oh my God.
- For having a different
opinion about science.
- Because science
isn't something
you have opinions about.
That's the whole point.
That's literally
the whole thing.
So you can have opinions about
other things and I will honour
and respect those unless they're
shitty political opinions.
But you can have opinions and
I wanna hear about your life.
- There's the but.
Unless.
- Oh my God.
Are you serious?
[elevator dings]
- What sort of food
do you feel like?
- Honestly, whatever.
Just surprise me.
- Uh. Alright.
- Pardon?
- No, I said all right.
- It's my shout.
- No, you don't have to.
- It's okay.
No, you're letting me stay
with you. It's fine.
Do you wanna talk about it or-
- Not really. No.
- Are you okay?
[soft pensive music]
If you want me to go stay
somewhere else, I will.
I'm serious. It's fine.
So glad today's done.
- Thank you.
- Oh no, sorry I didn't,
no, I meant like I'm just-
- It's okay. No worries.
- Very exhausted now.
It's not about you.
- It's okay.
- Yeah.
- You cold?
- Yep.
Um, hey, if you wanna
talk about, like,
Jason or what is up or just like
how you're feeling,
I will listen.
We can do like sleepover vibes
and like I'm here for you
if that's what you need.
- Oh wait, shit.
Did I leave...
Do you have my keys?
- No.
- Uh, okay.
- They may have them
at the restaurant.
Do you want me to call them?
- Um, yeah, let's call the...
Shit, is that the time?
No, the restaurant's
gonna be closed by now.
- It's okay. I'll just do...
"24/7 locksmith."
- Okay.
Yeah lock...
No, oh, no fuck. Sorry.
Because you need the tappy thing
for the front door.
- Is there someone who like
runs the apartment-
- Yes there is,
and I don't have their number.
- Oh my - Jessie.
Okay, we'll just stay
with someone tonight -
No, Jason's got the spare key
as well.
He's all the way in Brisbane.
- Okay.
Do you know your neighbours?
Do you have any friends
that will let you crash?
- No, I don't. Oh my God.
No, friends -
no that's not gonna work.
- Okay.
I'm just gonna get a hotel.
- No, don't.
That's such a waste of money.
- Jessie, it's fine.
- Don't even.
- It's fine.
- It's not fine.
- I'm not staying out
until the morning.
Let's go round the clock
to the club. Whoo!
- Yeah, alright.
[laughter]
- No Jessie, that was a joke.
- No, I mean, why not?
It's Saturday. It's the weekend.
- Who are you texting?
Who is "Rhys Caps?"
- No.
- Wait. What?
No, no, no, no.
- Well, I've already sent it.
- Un-send it.
- No, he's replying. Look.
- What?
- They're right on their way.
- [scoffs]
- What, you've not done caps
before?
- No, of course I have.
I just don't feel
like it tonight.
I don't think
that's like the vibe.
- Well, it's exactly the vibe,
'cause like I could use
an energy boost.
I don't know about you.
You've probably been awake
for ages.
- We can just go to 7/11 and
get like, a V or something.
- I didn't wanna
scare you earlier,
but Rhys can be really intense.
So just stay here
when he rocks up.
Like I don't want anything
happening to you.
- Okay. Is he like a big guy?
- Oh, wait, there, there.
Wait. No stay. Stay.
[feet tapping, panting]
Ayy.
[car door slams]
[car door slams]
- Are you okay?
- What?
No, no, no. Don't.
Hide them!
- It's chill.
- Okay.
That's good stuff, right?
Does it just mean...
rap voice?
- Yeah. It means
you get like a clean high.
- You made me step in a puddle.
- [laughs]
- I'm not...
Okay.
How do you know this guy?
- Oh Rhys?
- Yeah.
Do you trust him?
- Chill, I was just
messing with you.
He's actually like a industrial
design student at RMIT.
- Oh. So he's like doing this
as a side hustle.
- Yeah. Sweetest dude ever.
- How much money do you reckon
you make from that?
Just like, curious.
- All right, well,
this is where we drop.
- Okay.
- Well, you know what I mean
by drop?
- Yes, I know what you mean.
- Okay, cool.
- I'm not an idiot, Jessie.
- Anyway, this is
a great spot for me.
It's got a lot of memories.
- Oh, yep.
- Yep. I've had many fun nights
starting here.
Anyway, this is yours.
- Oh, thank you.
- And that is for me. Cheers.
- Do you want water or - oh.
- [laughs]
[sighs]
You know,
I almost got knifed there once.
- What? Where?
- Just there -
like, yeah.
- Near the bins?
- Mmm.
- You okay?
- Yeah.
I said almost.
- No, I just,
I haven't dropped before.
So I just don't, yeah.
- Oh. Um.
Well, first time for everything.
- Yeah.
- Whee!
- How long's it gonna take
until I feel it?
- Um, half an hour probably
because we had dinner.
- Is this supposed
to warm me up?
- Yeah. Yeah. Trust me.
You're gonna be like,
sweating heaps when it kicks in.
- Okay. Whoo.
Oh, I feel nothing.
- Yeah me neither.
It's kind of taking
a while this time.
- What -
- Oh wait...
We know you!
- Hello!
- You're the colourful clown
dude from the bridge.
No but your hat is different.
- It's my evening hat.
- Cute flower that you got.
- Thank you.
- Well, she's been cold
the whole night
and she's kind of raring
to go dancing.
- Go clubbing.
Go club.
- Yeah you know,
get, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You should come.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Sounds like a good idea.
- Heck yeah.
- She's joking.
- Yeah right.
You okay?
[dreamy music]
- Hello, just take...
- I'm going where I belong...
- You know I can still
see you, right?
- No, you can't.
- Okay, yeah I can't.
- Oh, where is Em?
- Okay shit, that's actually
kind of scary now.
[groans]
- Are you all right-
- Whoo!
- You feeling okay?
- Yeah. I feel great.
What am I wearing?
- Oh, well that was
from clown dude, remember?
- Oh, my God.
- You were cold earlier
so he had a spare in his pack.
- Where did he go?
- I think we left him on
the dance floor or something.
He was having a great time.
- Okay.
Well, as long as he's happy,
and that's where
we're supposed to be.
- Yeah. That's where
we're all supposed to be.
- Whoop!
Whoop, all right.
Are you feeling it?
You feeling it?
You feeling it?
You having your best time?
- I'm having an okay time
actually.
- Mm-hmmm.
- Yeah.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
[humming]
Did it work?
Are you feeling it?
- Did what work?
Oh, um.
Yeah, no.
'Cause like, actually...
Oh, all right. You've got moves.
- Yeah.
What's up?
- Yeah.
- Why are you not feeling it?
- Oh well, no,
it's 'cause like
MDMA doesn't work with
antidepressants.
Like, I totally forgot that.
- Oh, Jessie.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I just want you to be
not depressed.
I want you to be happy.
Muah!
Can I carry you?
Can I carry you?
I'm gonna carry you.
I'm gonna carry
the sadness away.
- Yeah, you can try.
- [grunting]
How do you reckon I start this?
- You-
- Hello.
To start riding, please
download the Neuron app.
- You actually have
to scan the app thing.
- I don't wanna scan an app.
I just wanna start.
"Hold to accelerate..."
- Please be careful.
Any criminal act
will be reported.
- Ooh!
Do you dare me to do
a criminal act?
- Oh, well it's the first time
for everything,
for you I guess tonight.
[alarm chirps]
- [humming]
Get on, get up, get on, get up.
Do you reckon I can just... oh!
I don't have to scan it.
- How are you doing that?
- Oh my God.
It says it's calling
the authorities.
- Wait, for real?
- Yeah. Literally just said,
"I'm calling the authorities
for help."
- Wait, what?
- Oh no.
How do I-
- Jessie.
- How do I get this to stay?
- Jessie, we're on drugs.
- Wait, what?
- Nope, just put it up,
put it up, put it up.
- Put it up?
But like...
I don't know.
I feel like robots will
take over the world one day,
which is why I'm always really
nice when I talk to my phone -
- I've already stopped.
- Or like Alexa, or Siri,
because -
- I've stopped, okay?
I said I've stopped.
Hurdles.
[dramatic piano music]
- [speaking in French]
[chime rings]
- Okay, Em, you're getting
a bit too chill now.
- I'm chill.
You wanted me to be chill.
- I know, but like,
but you can't just
fall asleep randomly
in the middle of the city.
- Okay. Call your friends.
Excuse me.
Jessie doesn't have keys.
I wanna sleep at
a friend's house.
- I am not going
to do that because-
- I wanna party
with your friends.
Can we call your friends
and can we dance
with your friends?
- Well, I have to call you
because you are my only friend.
- That's not true.
Where are your other friends?
- That's true.
- Mmm.
Where are they?
- I don't know.
I ask myself that
all the time actually.
It's kind of embarrassing.
- What do you mean?
You're so friendly.
Well, I didn't keep in touch
with any
high school or uni people.
- Why not?
- I'm not good at
keeping in touch with people.
I mean, dropped out of uni.
Sure.
Went to Europe for a couple
of years and that was fun.
But they're all back in Europe.
And when you move to a new city
as a grown person-
- Hey.
I think that you're very brave.
- Yeah, right.
- No, I'm serious.
Accept my compliment, shh.
I think that you are very brave.
- I'm not brave though.
I am crazy cat lady
without the cats.
- [laughs] Because
crazy cat lady without the cats
is just crazy lady.
- Yep.
- And crazy and brave
are the same thing.
And it's a very good thing.
It's like a, like a little,
like a little coin
with both sides.
And it's like a little tightrope
that the circus clown walks on.
And it'll be like crazy brave,
crazy brave, crazy brave.
And you'll just do that
your whole life.
But it'll be really good
because it is better
to be a little bit crazy
and also brave
rather than to be nothing.
And I think that I am nothing.
- This is the tale
of Jessie's social demise!
We start on the beautiful
Stradbroke Island
because my boyfriend Jason
has his cousin's wedding
to go for.
So naturally,
as you do at weddings,
we all get super, super drunk.
Like, ugh, staggering,
can't walk properly drunk,
and naturally
we decide to skinny dip.
There's me, there's Jason,
and there's Jono,
Jason's younger brother.
And a bunch of other people
as well.
But anyway, in I go,
skinny dip. Whoo!
And coming up I'm like
super wet, super cold.
And that's when I realised
everybody else chickened out
except for me and Jono.
And so there we are,
huddled together for warmth.
And I look up and I go,
"Jono, when did you get so big?"
And he goes,
"Well, I'm like 19 now, bro,
And I drink Crownies
with the boys.
And like, Ronaldo is my GOAbecause he's dating
this super hot chick.
And also I'm training
to be a chef
because I'm like,
really good with meat.
I've great with steak
and smoking stuff.
And by the way,
do you want some of my meat?"
So yeah, we have sex.
Oh, I don't really remember
like, a lot of it,
because again, drunk.
But what I do remember
is the chafing.
There was a lot of it.
Because like sea,
sand everywhere.
Ah, but the worst thing
was Jason's reaction
when he found out,
'cause he like told everybody.
And that is why
I have no friends.
[sweeping music]
- Do you reckon if you like
chew the inside
of your mouth hard enough,
you could just like,
and then, and then chew
and get rid of all your cheek,
like that?
- Hey, Em?
- Yeah.
- We should probably
get you some gum actually.
- No, no, no.
I can feel my cheek.
- Yeah. I would actually
advise against that.
- [babbling]
This is my face
when I see her boobies.
- That's um...
Wow.
That's quite, quite the face.
- Look at them. They're great.
Imagine -
- They are.
- Having boobs that are like
stone hard.
Like they're literally-
- But they're also like,
they're like perfect circles.
- Yeah.
- Like who has those, you know?
- I don't know, that's like
two little watermelons,
but big watermelons.
- Yeah.
They're like almost too perfect.
- But also they put
like a nipple,
but only on one nipple.
It's like a little
salami nipple.
- Yeah, but I feel like
that's realistic, you know.
Like, just the one.
- Oh, I was gonna say
it's realistic
that she's like defying
gender body standards.
Like I'm really sick
of little hard nipples.
I just think we should
be celebrating,
like big fat flat nipples.
- Yeah.
- 'Cause that's, that's real.
- Yeah.
Or just even celebrating
the small boobies as well.
- Yeah.
- We need some
small boobie love.
- Okay, maybe we have to
slice her boobies off then.
- Oh damn.
- Yeah.
- Ouch.
- I don't know.
I just feel like
we're in a weird catch 22.
Everything we do is, she,
she's gonna be bad
for having big boobies,
she's gonna be bad
for having little boobies.
She just can't have boobies.
She can't have boobies and win,
you know.
- Hey. But you know what?
She doesn't have
the spiky thing on her head
to stop birds from pooping.
- Oh!
The pigeon spiky poop,
pigeon poo spike.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Yeah. No she doesn't.
Which is good,
because that means
that the birds respect her
and they don't need
an extra spike,
because she's like,
holding the spike
and she's like,
I fucking got you.
- You know what?
I think they do respect her.
She looks pretty spotless to me.
- Yeah, she seems like
the sort of person
where like no one would try
and slap her bum.
No one would try.
She would just look at them
with that like,
ice cold Medusa stare
and be like,
"You're gonna be rock like me
if you slap my bum."
And she would definitely
not tell HR because she is HR.
- Well yeah, she's above HR.
- Yeah. She's like, I'm holding
a sticky dicky and a ball.
Yeah.
Ah! Spiky, spiky, spiky,
so spiky!
- Maybe you should
put that down.
- Oh God, it's stuck.
This is my kingdom!
[panting]
Jessie, come here.
- What?
- Make a wish.
- All right.
[yawns]
- It's very peaceful.
- Yeah.
- Hey, how many steps
do you reckon we got in today?
- Um.
- 525,600 steps
- [laughs]
- How do you measure,
measure a day and a bit
In daylight, in sunset...
Did I ever tell you that
I had a secret musical theatre
obsession in Year 9 that
I didn't tell anyone about?
- Yep. It was definitely
not secret.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Oh shit.
- Yeah.
I mean, the amount of times
at our sleepovers,
I heard you, like,
pretending to be the Phantom
in "Phantom of the Opera"
when you thought I was asleep.
- Yeah. It's a really good role.
It's okay though.
I've gotten all the songs out.
And you know what, Jessie?
- What?
- Right now my brain is empty.
[waterfall whooshing]
- I think you're vibing.
- I think I'm vibing.
- Yeah.
- Oh, ah.
- How's it feel to vibe?
- It feels really lovely.
Can't believe you just
do this every day.
- Actually I don't.
Like the first time I was here
was earlier today with you.
I've actually
not been here before.
- What?
- Yeah, like I saw
this place on TikTok
and yeah,
we just kind of
ended up here
by luck or something.
- So this is like,
actually an influencer place?
- Probably.
- Does that mean I have
to like get in a bikini
and stand in that waterfall
and just like-
- Probably.
- Why'd you lie about it?
- I don't know.
I kind of do that
a lot actually.
Like,
I would have just not told Jason
about cheating on him
'till like,
Jono got weird and stuff.
And then Jason got suss
and then it became a thing.
[laughs]
But the best one though,
the best one was
when I dropped outta uni,
I told my parents
I was on exchange in Europe.
- Why are you so proud of that?
- Sorry, what was that?
- I said, why are you
so proud of that?
- Maybe because
I'm a shit person.
Like, I don't know.
I don't feel much nowadays.
I didn't even feel bad
about cheating on Jason.
I just like...
I mean, I felt bad
that I didn't feel bad
because I was like,
does that make me a psychopath?
But like, I don't know, man.
Like things are weird.
I'm just like, what's the point?
It doesn't matter what I do
because I live, I do shit,
and then I die
and then that's the end.
- Mm-mm.
Uh-uh, I think that's a cop out.
- Well, no, I think
what a cop out is,
is that people invent God
or lean on science
or politics to give their lives
extra meaning
because really everything
is actually meaningless.
And so nothing actually matters
and what's the point
in anything?
And so why not lie?
Because what difference
does that make or-
- It makes a difference
to the people you lie to.
That's the difference it makes.
And all those religions
and science and whatever else,
they're just trying to
create value
that you can believe in,
so you can get out of bed
in the morning.
None of them are final or true,
but all of them are proof
that for thousands and thousands
and thousands of years,
humans have just been
trying to figure out
how to do their best
by each other.
- But like-
- And I don't think
you get to step away from that.
- But the messed up thing is,
is that I wish I could believe
in something like that,
but I'm just like...
But because it's all made up,
I just can't.
I just can't believe
in anything.
- Well then, you don't have to
choose something else
from someone else to believe in.
You just have to find something
that you believe in.
You just have to pick it,
Jessie.
It doesn't matter what it is.
You can believe in vibing,
even if it's influencer vibing.
You can believe in anything.
You just have to pick it
and decide.
Because if you choose
not to believe in anything
then why get out of bed
every morning, right?
Why show up and try to
do something?
Right?
'Cause we're stuck here,
you may as well find something
to steer you.
- I guess so.
While I'm here,
I might as well enjoy myself.
- Yeah.
But hey,
I'm very grateful that you
lied to me about this place.
- Why?
- Because it's nice.
And now I might start vibing
on my way to work.
There's somewhere like this
in Sydney, right?
- Maybe.
- It's just man-made.
[birds chirping]
[grunting]
- Oh, yes, it's open.
- Mmm.
- I feel so fucked up.
- Yeah, let's just
not do stuff today.
- Okay.
Think I'll have some
hectic dreams today.
- There's something
underneath me.
It's my fucked up airport book.
Shall we do
a bedtime horror story?
- Mm-hmm.
- About the climate catastrophe,
and our eventual demise.
[yawning] I'll just skip
straight to the end.
"The human game has indeed begun
to play itself out.
That's what the relentless
rise in temperature tells us.
And the fact that we
increasingly spend our days
staring glumly
at the rectangle in our palm.
We are messy creatures,
often selfish,
prone to shortsightedness,
susceptible to greed.
In a Trumpian moment with racism
and nationalism resurgent,
you could argue
that our disappearance
would be no great loss.
And yet, most of us,
most of the time,
are pretty wonderful,
funny, kind.
Another name for
human solidarity is love.
And when I think about our world
in its present form,
that is what overwhelms me.
The human love that works
to feed the hungry
and clothe the naked.
The love that comes together
in defence of sea turtles
and sea ice,
and of all else around us
that's good.
The love that lets
each of us see
we're not the most
important thing on Earth
and makes us okay with that.
The love that welcomes us,
imperfect, into the world
and surrounds us when we die.
Even, especially -
in its twilight,
the human game
is graceful and compelling."
- [light snoring]
- Ah, I'm craving a soft serve
so bad.
- Yeah. I could use
a soft serve.
- [laughing] No, I'm gonna need
to do an airport soft serve.
Yeah.
- That's okay. They taste
better at the airport.
- Yeah.
What's the bet
that the machine's broken?
- Get your soft serve
at the airport then.
And then fly back to Sydney.
- Yeah.
- You excited to go back, and-
- Yeah.
I dunno if it's excited.
I'm ready to sleep
in my own bed, yeah.
- Fair enough.
- Yeah.
It's all part of the fun.
- Yeah.
- You're not feeling
too smashed?
- Uh, I'm definitely feeling it.
But like I'm,
look, I'm still standing.
- Yeah. No plans for tonight?
- And now I am walking.
- We don't wait for
the green here.
- Yeah.
- Oh, they've Christmased it.
- Oh, they have.
That's Christmas-y.
- Yeah.
- You know, I feel like
that happened really quick.
- Yeah. Strange.
[crosswalk chirping]
- Anyway.
- I really hope you had fun.
- Yeah. No I did. I did.
I mean, 'cause it got hectic.
It's like
kind of insane how much,
just like stuff you can do
when you're not working.
[laughs]
- True.
- No. Thank you for being
my tour guide.
- No, like,
thank you for coming, like yeah.
It was, it was fun.
It was silly.
- Bye, bye, bye, bye.
I'll see you very soon.
Hit me up if you're ever
in Sydney.
- Yeah, maybe I'll visit you.
- Yeah, you know where
to find me.
No, that's my -
It's my phone.
- That's my phone too.
Phone bump.
Whoo.
[laughs]
- You gonna be good?
- Yeah.
I actually wanna move
to a sharehouse,
now that I think about it.
Live with people,
not get locked out.
The good stuff.
- Well, good luck.
- Thank you.
- Good luck, good luck.
I'll see you when I see you.
- Yeah.
Oh, will work be okay?
- Oh, with the -
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I'll look after it.
[whooshes]
- Ooh.
- That's me looking after it.
- Heck yeah.
- Bye.
[soft bright music]
- Okay.
You know what,
I'll describe where I am.
It's a intersection.
I'm at an intersection.
- At an intersection.
- And what's this?
A corner. Yeah.
I'm at a corner of the street
and, um,
it's--there's a tram stop.
- Yeah.
- There is a Woollies.
There is a escalator
and some stairs
beside the escalator.
- Sorry. Sorry.
- And, um...
- Sorry, I'm not-
- The shop that I, like,
it's not really open,
but it's got wooden panels.
- Sorry, what did you say?
- Sorry, what did you say?
Oh, it might be a...
It says flowers but
it looks more like a gift shop.
- Okay.
What else?
Just keep describing things
for me.
- Yeah, well, where...
What do you see?
- I don't know.
I think I'm like,
completely on the wrong side
of the thing,
'cause I don't see
any of the things
that you've been describing.
- Oh no. Wait, wait.
What street did you say?
Was it, is it Collins?
- What corner are you on?
Collins and Spencer?
Is that it?
Are you on the corner
of Collins and Spencer?
'Cause I'm on the corner
of Collins and Spencer.
Gosh. Oh my gosh.
Sorry.
[laughter]
How are you?
- I'm good. How are you?
- Good. Good. Good. Good.
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
Hello. How are you.
- Yeah.
- What wait, what is this?
Is this like a little,
thumb war secret handshake?
It's very nice to see you,
hello.
How have you been?
- Good to see you.
- Yeah.
- I was so happy
when you called.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Whoo, spontaneous trip
to Melbourne.
- Thank you for letting me crash
and stuff.
- Oh, anytime.
- Yeah.
- I'm always happy
for the company.
Sorry, my hands are very cold.
My hands just get cold easy.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- Where are we going?
What are doing?
- That way. That way.
- Sorry. Sorry.
[laughs]
- Yeah, it's rare that
we get sunshine over here.
- No, it's nice.
It's really nice.
So how have you been?
- Good. Good.
I'm just like, coming,
coming to the world, you know.
This is probably
the time of day when
I'm waking up from a dream,
and then I want the dream
to continue
so I fall back asleep.
- Like what sort of dream?
- Well, all kinds.
Pick your genre.
Sometimes it's horror.
- Oh, no, I don't want horror.
- But I'm the horror.
- That's not a dream.
That's a nightmare.
- Well, sometimes they're like
adventure, action,
sort of stuff as well.
Those are pretty fun.
- Are you like a superhero
or are you like a villain or-
- Kind of. Kind of.
Kind of the superhero.
And then other times
I'm in a huge lolly shop
and I'm like getting everything.
But then right before
I even pay or eat, I wake up.
Those are tough.
Those are tough
to come back from.
- Right.
So anyway,
miss high flying lawyer,
what's a typical day like
for you?
- Well, the good thing
about me is
that typical is actually
very typical.
I kind of get to the office
at eight thirty and-
- Woah, eight thirty.
Oh my God. That's early.
- Yeah, 'cause then
you can like go--
- What the heck?
- Well, no 'cause then you can
like check everything is done
before everyone else
comes in at like nine.
So you can get-
- Why can't you just
do that at nine?
- You can, but I just like,
I like, like starting the day
knowing that anything
that came through overnight,
like that has been sorted.
And then, I'll kind of
stay there till like 7:30.
- Wait, till 7:30?
- Yeah.
But we have this
really good thing
where they'll like get us lunch
as part of our thing.
- Is that even legal?
Like a 11-hour workday.
- Yes.
It's fine, it's lovely.
I'm in like a very, very-
- Lovely.
[laughs]
- Yeah, it is.
And if you stay late,
you get dinner and...
Are you coming on the footpath?
- No.
- No.
- You're coming here.
- Oh, just in time
for a street cleaner.
- 11-hour work days. Wow.
Okay.
So more than 11 hour work days.
Like you're still, you're
still working, like right now.
- No, I'm not still working.
- I can read
what's on your screen.
It's the weekend,
you're on holiday.
Like put it away.
- It's away.
- Ditch it.
Turn your phone off.
- I'm not checking work emails.
Someone just sent me an email.
I was literally just looking
at what they said.
[cascading piano music]
I'm allowed to do that.
- Do you look at
my disapproving face?
- I'm present. I'm present.
I'm present.
- You're present to work.
- Are those guys playing cricket
on a tram track?
- Oh.
[laughter]
Ah, classic Melbourne eh?
- Is this like
an everyday thing?
- Oh yeah, totally.
- Just like men being obnoxious
in public space?
- Yeah. Sometimes it's football.
- Oh great.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Think I saw handball
the other day.
[laughter]
- I hate it.
- Oh. Do you mind if I-
- Yeah.
- Oh, thank you.
- That's all good.
- I do not carry bags anywhere.
- No, you're alright.
This is very good by the way.
- Oh, gosh, you know what?
- Yeah.
- Now that like you've got
this cool lawyer
high paying job.
- Yes.
- That is...
My mom. Oh my God.
If she finds out,
I will never hear the end of it.
- Okay, so don't tell Denise.
- Yeah, we do not.
That's why we do not
tell Denise anything.
- We'll not tell Denise
and please find me a coffee,
'cause now I have an addiction.
- Yes, yes, yes. It's this way.
It's this way.
- Thank you.
- Oh. Although, okay.
These are really cool.
Like, you work in
a place like this
with the cool spinny doors.
- Yeah. What's cool about it?
- Well, you can just keep going,
and going as much as you like.
- No, you just go in
and you open up your laptop
and you do your work.
- Oh.
- Which way are we going?
- Actually, it's this way.
Yeah.
Yeah, okay,
but enough about Denise.
How's your parents?
How are your parentals?
- Yeah, no they're fine.
- Yeah.
- In a kind of
mid-life crisis way.
Yeah, no,
my dad is like convinced
he's gonna teach himself
how to play the guitar.
- Oh, okay.
- He has these like,
whole conversations with me
about like, you know.
He's like, I could pick it up,
I could learn a skill.
Even though like
the only songs he cares about
are Bob Marley songs
and I'm like,
I don't know
how I feel about that.
- All right.
- And then mum had
a hysterectomy which was fun.
- A hyste...
Oh, what does that involve?
- It's like where you get your
uterus like chopped out of you.
- Oh damn.
Your life sounds really hectic.
- Yeah, but you find good stuff
too, like I figured that-
- Wall mirror.
- I was just gonna say
that frozen peas
kind of go well with everything.
Yeah.
- Let's make a shape together.
Oh, I like that.
- I literally will go there.
- Yeah, I know.
But it doesn't have the good
coffee that I wanna get you.
- Okay.
- Yeah, okay, look,
trust me, we are so close.
- Do you actually know
where it is?
- I do.
- What's it called?
- Well, it's a surprise.
It's a secret surprise.
- Mm-hmm. Okay.
- It's a surprise secret.
That way afterward.
Oh.
- Little guy.
- You know,
I think this is a metaphor.
[pensive music]
Like, about life.
Because you know, when -
this rat is dead,
it doesn't really care
or know that it's dead.
But when it was alive,
it was experiencing life.
- How is that a metaphor?
- Well,
what I'm trying to say,
it's not about getting to
the end of the coffee,
but it's about the journey
on the way to the coffee.
We are so lost right now.
That's great.
[laughs]
- Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- I just need a coffee.
- I know I said I was - oh wait.
They have coffee.
Do you just wanna?
Yeah. Okay. Let's -
- Yeah.
- Matcha latte.
Yeah, sure.
Thank you.
- [laughs]
- We're here.
I dunno where here is,
but we're here, you're here.
- Thank you for
letting me crash and...
- Oh anytime.
- I don't know I'm very-
- It's so good to see you.
- Grateful. You too.
How have you been?
- Good. Chill.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Life's been pretty chill.
- Nice.
- Just sort of working
casual part-time hours,
watering plants, you know,
sort of like selling plants,
and playing lots of video games
and stuff and yeah.
Yeah, but it's kind of cool
just having all this free time
to just do rando
impromptu adventures.
- Yeah. No, it's lovely.
Thank you for showing me round.
Sorry it was very last minute.
- Oh, it's fine.
I mean, it was spontaneous,
which I like.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- When - I mean why,
what spurred it on?
The spontaneity, and-
- Oh, my boss
slapped me on the arse
and I went, "I'm gonna go to
Melbourne for the weekend."
Yeah.
- Uh...
- Just for a weekend.
I'll come back and we'll tell HR
on Monday and everything.
- Has that happened before?
- Not with this boss. No.
Yeah.
- But...
Woah.
- Yeah, you kind of just go,
I decided I wanted to do
this thing when I was like
10 years old
and didn't really know
what the thing was
and have like,
given up more than
half of my life
to just be where I am now,
which I'm very grateful for,
for my own kind of hard work
to get there.
Yeah.
- Grass!
- Whoo!
Yup. Yup. Yup.
[laughter and sighs]
[groans]
- Oh my gosh.
- That is awful.
- That is too loud.
[train tracks clattering]
Come on,
I cannot with this place.
Let's go.
I know a much better spot.
Come on!
- How do you have
so much energy?
- Whoo!
- So this woman was assigned
as my mentor in this kind of
bullshit, like,
women helping women,
achieving equality in
the workforce kind of thing.
Which was so clearly like
a fucked initiative by a man.
Anyway, she'd been in
the law firm for like 40 years,
clearly hated her job
and was like not interested
in helping other women
because she had
this whole thing of like,
"I fought hard to get here."
And it basically
turned into like
a man just with a vag instead.
- Oh, that's even worse.
- The whole time,
she was just giving me
tips about like,
this is how you get men
to listen to you,
and every single tip was
like, well you have
to make them think
it was their idea.
And so I will be in a meeting
and I will say an idea.
No one will listen to me.
And like an
hour and a half later
a man will say the same thing,
literally paraphrasing the idea.
And everyone will be like,
"Oh, that's wonderful.
That's a great idea."
And you go,
"I fucking said that."
And so she goes, "Yeah.
So the trick is you have to..."
Fucking men like this.
- Oh, cute.
He's got that spiky thing
sticking out of his head.
- I think it's just so
the pigeons poo at his feet,
not at his head.
Yeah.
She also said
I should do power poses
right before a meeting.
So now every time
I have to go in
and like pitch an idea,
she makes me stand
in my cubicle like this.
And just take up space, huh?
- I don't feel very powerful.
- Me neither.
Yeah, she just made it
really clear to me that like,
her respecting me wasn't
something that was a given.
It was something I had to earn.
And so that whole first year
out of uni,
I was like, yeah,
I will stay to 8:30pm at night.
I'll do whatever fucking shit
you need me to do.
- I feel like it always
hits different
when it comes from
another woman.
- Yeah, and I think
it was like the fact
that I was really proud of it,
that I had like
put this little seed of me
in there that was like,
yeah, I'm gonna prove you right.
And, every night
I would stay later,
I would be like,
yeah, she will get it.
Like she will respect me
and I will be worthy of that.
And like, the fact that that
felt good was really fucked up.
- Oh.
- I don't think I realised that.
And I think I'm just kind of
finding that now that like...
- Well, but I mean,
if working hard feels good,
then why not just work hard,
I guess?
- Well, that's what
I always thought.
I mean, that's what
we're taught to think.
But 'cause it doesn't
go anywhere.
You have these things of like,
I will have a good job.
I will have stability.
I will have a house.
And then you're like,
I won't have a house firstly,
'cause the market's
completely fucked.
But even if I-
- Wait you won't?
I thought you earned
a shit tonne?
- No, but I pay
a shit tonne on rent.
I pay a shit tonne on
convenience foods because
I can't cook 'cause I'm so
exhausted all the time, right?
Just doing that constantly.
And then you go,
the whole planet's
gonna be underwater anyway!
Like, what is the point
of trying
to get like a waterfront house
when you are like,
sea level is rising, you know?
- Yeah.
I mean, what is the point?
- All I ever wanted to do was
live in Bondi near the beach.
It's like you have
these things as a child
where you're like,
if I'm near the beach,
I'll be able to have a swim
before work.
And it's like,
I won't be able to swim
before work, because...
Oh, sorry, sorry.
And I won't be able
to have kids either, right.
I know, I just think about
bringing kids into the world,
with all this is happening.
- Oh, you want kids?
- No, I don't want kids.
I couldn't look after a child.
I would fuck them up.
I've been having
this conversation
with my mom recently and
she sort of got really mad at me
'cause I said, "I couldn't
have kids, I'd fuck them up."
And she was like, I don't know.
I think she just has
a complex around like
the fact that I blame her
for fucking me up.
And she was like, "You know,
you would've been
fucked up anyway.
You would've found
a reason to complain."
And I thought, yeah right.
But it's different. I think.
Fucking a kid up
'cause of climate change.
And housing has just been
turned into another commodity,
which it always has been,
technically, an asset, right.
But it's just the rules
of the game have changed
and that the numbers
that you're dealing with
are so immense.
The way that it's going up
in the rate that it is -
- We are here,
on Princes Bridge right now.
It's a gorgeous day.
There's the river.
Yeah.
We're getting to a nice part.
[birds chirping]
- It's very brown.
- [gasps]
I love your outfit.
- Thank you. Thank you.
- Can you tell me
where you shop?
- Oh, it's all online.
- Oh.
Everything is nowadays,
isn't it?
- Yeah, it is.
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
- Took me ages to get
the costume together.
- Dang. I appreciate the effort.
Well done.
- The hard part's the sizes.
- Oh? Like guessing them?
- Do they have, like,
a measurement chart?
- Cool.
- Yeah.
- I'm showing my friend
around Melbs.
- Right.
- Yeah.
- Great.
Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Chillaxing.
- Yeah.
Where are we going?
- To the gardens.
Yeah.
Have a good one.
- You too.
- Is that man seriously
dressed up as a clown?
- Ooh, why not?
- He's like 52 or something.
- Well, it's a look.
[birds squawking]
This, I swear, is the best spot
in the whole city.
- Something just
flew into my face.
- Yeah. That happens.
What do you think?
Lovely, huh?
- Yeah.
- I come here all the time.
- What do you do?
- Vibe.
- What does that mean?
- Oh, you know, you just
kind of... vibe.
Do you not just vibe?
- No, no.
[laughs]
Yeah.
I don't really know
how to do nothing.
- Well, that's kind of
the point.
Like you don't do anything.
- Yeah.
- To do nothing.
- Yeah. I just feel like
I'm constantly...
[plane whirring]
Yeah.
- Yeah. It's really noisy today.
I'm sorry. I don't know why.
It's not usually this loud.
- Yeah.
- It's usually
a lot more serene.
- A lot more vibe.
- Yeah.
- I don't even know how to like
not do anything with my hands.
[whirring fades]
Doesn't it make you just want
to take your hand and just go
to your bum pocket
and get your phone out?
- Oh no, no, no, no.
No phones. No phones here.
Put it away.
- [sighs]
- Oh, oh good. Come on. Come on.
This tree is super special
to me.
Whenever I come here,
I always feel like
it's giving me a hug.
So I like to hug it back.
- Does it say anything
while you give it a hug?
- Not really, but I feel like
it just accepts me, you know?
It's kind of why I like being
around plants more than people.
There's no expectations
or pressure or whatever.
- Or small talk.
[laughter]
- Like you can just be.
Vibe.
- [laughs]
- Are you okay?
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Oh careful.
- Shh.
I got a ladybug right on my tit.
[laughter]
- Are you okay?
You've got so much dirt on you.
- Yeah. I just got
a little ladybug.
- [gasps] Hey.
- Oh my gosh.
[gentle music]
- This is an old ladybug.
- How do you know?
- Because it's got
a lot of spots.
- What, that's how it works?
- Yep. The old ones have
heaps of spots.
The young ones
just have a little.
[gasps and squeals]
- So you're saying only old ones
are attracted to me.
You've probably seen
some shit, eh?
You've like been around.
Can you please teach me
how to stop biting my nails?
Please. I beg you.
- Strange. It's not flying away.
Wonder what happened
to its wings?
- Maybe I squashed them
with my boob.
- Those be some powerful boobs.
[ladybug chitters]
[both gasp]
- Oh, is she gonna fly away?
- Don't fly away yet.
- Oh.
- Oh.
Wouldn't it be funny if it
flew into one of our faces?
- What do you reckon
she spent her years doing?
Was she like, a housewife?
Or a She-EO?
- What a fancy, fancy structure.
- It's like Mount Olympus.
- Yeah.
- But you're just looking out
onto where they play AFL.
- Does that make us
like the gods
of footy or something?
- Yeah. Yeah.
Like the, like that.
[laughter]
I'm like frozen like
a statue like a God,
but the, kicking the ball.
I play netball with work.
Have I told you that?
- Wait, what?
- Yeah.
We have a mixed netball team.
- Wow. Look at you.
Getting all sporty now.
- I know.
There's something about seeing
grown men, grown meh-meh-meh.
Grown men.
I can't even say grown men.
Grown men in bibs, that just
like brings him down a peg.
Yeah, you kinda go huh,
Ryan might be
kind of an asshole
who can't make small talk
by the coffee machine,
but God,
he looks good as a wing defence.
- Actually,
now that you mentioned it.
The other day,
I did have a dream
where a random man was
making coffee by the street
in a netball bib.
- That's Brian.
- And I went to go order
a coffee from him.
He was like, "Alright."
And he went to go make a coffee.
And he was like, "Here you go."
And instead of getting a coffee,
he full on like
served a volleyball at me.
It wasn't even a netball.
- You clearly don't know
how sports work do you?
- No.
Woah. Okay.
It's really starting to...
overcast.
- Yeah. I think I have
an umbrella in here though.
- Oh, yeah and that was
so loud as well.
- A second.
- Oh, what's this book about?
- Climate change?
There's like,
the first paragraph is on hope.
Do you want a protein ball?
- Sure.
- And then it's like 130 pages
on just bleak, bleak despair.
[thunder booms]
- Yeah. Alright.
I think we should hurry it up.
I feel like it's gonna
really pour soon.
Oh, oh, oh, oh,
I know where we are.
Short cut. Short cut.
That way. That way.
- Is this taking us to the tram?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh wait.
No, maybe it was that one.
Where do I live?
Brunswick, Bru... North. North.
[bright music]
Cha-cha cha.
[sneezes]
- Bless you.
- This city gives me
such bad hay fever.
- Yeah. Oh yeah, by the way,
are you okay
to sleep on the couch,
because Jason just hasn't
finished moving out.
I'm so sorry it's a mess.
- Is this us?
- Is this...
Yeah, oh shit. Yeah it is us.
- Oh my God, the sun really
kinda came outta nowhere.
Is that just like Melbourne?
- Yeah. Yeah. That's
a classic Melbourne thing.
- So where else is Jason now?
- Actually in Brisbane.
Yeah, with family.
I think he is helping out
in his mum's
golf course or something.
- So he is gonna come back
and like grab his stuff
later or-
- Yeah, at some point.
- Okay.
So he is just like,
being a golf... boy.
With the tees. Does he go
picking up tees or something?
- I guess so.
I don't really know how
it works to be honest.
- Okay. Yeah.
- Yeah.
I've actually
not played golf before.
- No, neither.
I mean, all the men
in my office talk about it.
I think it's their, like,
weekend getaway thing.
I feel like that should
give you some closure
that like maybe it's okay
that you and Jason broke up
because he's probably
an anti-environmentalist.
Like, his family business
is degrading Earth
and privatising property.
- Yeah. I don't know.
We never really talked much
about that type of thing.
I feel like towards the end
we just sort of
mainly did our own stuff.
Like, he'd just be playing
"Dungeons and Dragons"
every night with his friends,
and I mean,
I tried to get into it but-
- No.
- No. Yeah, exactly.
- Is this you?
Or are you nearby, or?
- No, we're a little bit more.
Oh, but seriously,
don't expect much, okay?
I have not cleaned in
I have no idea how long and..
- I'm not like,
a total clean freak.
- Well, but this is funny.
I only have one fork
in my house.
Like, legit.
Because Jason insists
that he was the one
who brought all of them in.
And so they all left
with him except for one
because he pitied me, I guess.
- That's not...
You didn't want to go get more?
You haven't had people
over since?
- I just haven't
gone around to it yet.
- Oh, well I'm very flattered
that I get to
be the woman with the fork.
- I'll give you the fork.
- No, no. I can just eat
with my fingers.
It's okay. Maybe I should
eat with a knife...
- Haha. Oh, rain stopped.
Anyway. This is Fitzroy.
This is where
all the cool kids hang out.
- Oh dear.
This is my tram. Sorry,
I'm going back where I belong.
- You're funny.
- Oh no, I can't run. Can't run.
All this water is making me
need to really pee.
- Oh, okay.
Well don't worry because my
place is just around that corner
and I need to tell you,
it is a soulless, soulless,
grey box.
Oh it is really,
really soulless.
And I have to pay like
400-ish a week for it.
- Oh, that's actually
really good.
- Huh?
- For a one bedroom?
This close to the city?
- Wait, what?
- That's fine.
- How much is a place in Sydney?
- Oh, like, double that.
- Oh, that's nuts. What?
- You're selling it very well
though by the way.
I can't wait.
- Oh wait. No.
How much, how much
do you have to pay in Sydney?
- I'm not telling you that.
- Oh you know what?
I wanna know.
- It's very rude
to ask a woman her rent.
- Okay. I am sorry.
I am sorry ma'am.
I hate how that looks.
Anyway, yeah, just come on in.
Make yourself at home.
- Lock?
- Nah.
So corridor, obviously,
bedroom on the left.
Kitchen with the lonely fork
on the right.
Table, Nintendo Switch,
couch and balcony.
I usually spend most of my
nights out here just smoking up.
'Cause it helps me sleep.
- Got a lovely view
of the petrol station.
- Yeah.
Sometimes I just sit
and get very philosophical
'cause like the cars
coming and going
just remind me of things
coming and going, life.
- Yeah, like this guy.
- That was an intentional kill.
- What?
- Yeah. 'cause Jason gave me
that as a anniversary gift
and so I just
didn't like it anymore.
- Yeah.
- Anyway-
That's like the cheapest petrol
I've seen.
- Oh really?
- Yeah.
- Whoo. Go Fitzroy.
So this is-
- Yeah. Oops, sorry.
- This is where
you are gonna sleep.
Do you get cold at night?
- A little bit. Yeah.
I just didn't really
pack warm stuff.
- Uh, what do I...
Oh actually, hop off.
I'm pretty sure.
A-ha!
Okay, so this is like
extra, extra,
in case - you know,
you need a bit of warmth.
[laughter]
Yeah.
- Thank you.
- Yeah. I went through
a sewing phase
and just never really
got to using those.
- Yeah. Right.
- At least you can put 'em
to good use.
- Yeah, thank you.
[laughs]
- Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Are they Jason's bo - bo -
I can't even say the word.
Jason's boxers you still have
on the line?
- Yeah, unfortunately.
I mean, like I said,
he's still got little things
lying around here and there.
Like that, his bike, stuff.
Yeah.
- The art's yours though?
- Most of it, yeah.
- Mmm, I'm tired.
- Ooh.
Actually, I know what you need.
A spa day is perfect
for some rejuvenation.
- Yippee!
- And I've been also
kind of like wanting to
try these for a while.
Oh that's so cute and pink.
- This cannot be good for you.
- I'm sure it's filled with good
natural stuff for your skin.
- Propylenglykol,
glycereth 26. PEG.
Sorry, I'm not trying
to grab you -
where's the other half?
- Oh it's gone.
Pop your head up.
- I can't read everything.
Hexanediol, hydroxyacetophenone.
Limonene.
- Shh.
- Oh. Mh-mm-mm, mmhm, mmhm.
- It's okay. Take a deep breath.
You are now in
the spa of Jessie.
Just do it.
- It's in my mouth again.
- Yummy.
- It's not yummy.
[humming and laughter]
- Do you know the song?
Surely you know the song.
Come on. It's Bieber.
- It's what? No, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
- Yes. Yes. Yes.
- No, no, no, no.
- Yes, yes, yes, yes.
- No, no, no, no.
- Yes, yes, yes.
[laughter]
Ho ho ho ho ho ho.
- Ho ho ho.
Merry Christmas.
- Okay, Santa.
- [laughing as Santa]
Imagine if Santa came down
your chimney,
and he was wearing these.
Santa like comes to
drop your presents off
and he's just covered
in blue scales.
- Oh.
- You're like what?
- Alright.
- And Santa's like,
ho, ho, ho, ho.
- I think, if Santa's
covered in blue scales,
I think I'd invite him to the
spa of Jessie as well. You know?
- Yeah and Ms. Claus
will get jealous,
she'll be like, "Who's this
lady, with scales on her face?"
- I feel like-
- Ms. Claus sounds
like that too.
- Yeah, but I'll be like,
"Ma'am, I am doing you
a favour."
"Your man could use
a dermatologist."
- What?
- If he's covered in
blue scales, you know.
- Are you saying that
Santa's got bad skin?
He can't help it, man.
- Why?
- He's like
hundreds of years old.
- I mean it doesn't help-
- And he's overworked,
goddammit.
Santa's got millions of houses.
- Well, he also lives in
a really cold place.
He needs to learn
how to moisturise.
- [laughs]
- I'm really glad
you came here this weekend.
- Yeah.
- 'Cause obviously
your work's hectic.
I'm so sorry that your boss
did that.
That's really not cool.
- No, it's okay.
- No, it's not.
- No, like it actually is.
It's kind of a thing.
It's like a little
right of passage, you know.
I feel like every woman
has like,
a low-key
workplace harassment story,
and now I just get
to add mine to the canon.
- It should not be that way.
- Yeah. Frankly,
Brian's not really the problem.
- What do you mean?
- I think it's...
I went to tell my lady mentor
after and-
- Susan?
- Yeah.
She just like could not
have cared less,
to the point where
I got this weird lecture
about toughening up and
how if it had have upset me,
I should have just turned around
to him and gone, "How dare you?"
You know, sort of thing
that she was able
to do when she was my age.
And that's how she had the power
to rise up to where she is
and put men in their place
and blah, blah, blah.
- Ooft.
- And then I thought
maybe it is my fault
that I didn't say anything,
that I just-
- No.
- No, but I just let it happen
until I kind of convinced myself
that maybe it didn't happen.
Maybe I was going crazy.
Maybe there was like
a mosquito on my butt,
that he was trying to smack
or something.
I dunno.
And then I was like,
the response should be outrage.
Like I know that
that's what it should be.
But there was like
this tiny weird little
part of me that was like...
You know when you're at
your first party
and this boy comes up to you
and he's like covered in pimples
and has like three
little moustache hairs
and you have
a better moustache than him,
'cause you're Italian and
you haven't started waxing yet.
And you can tell
his friends have like
totally dared him to do this.
But he like looks you
in the eye
and he says,
"Hey, you're really hot."
And you're like...
And you know
it makes you feel gross
when he like slides his hand
into your waist,
but you just kind of go, oh.
That's nice.
And you just kind of ignore
the yucky gut feeling.
Or all the other boys
at the other side
of the lawn laughing at you,
and you go, maybe I am hot.
No one has told me that before
and maybe I am.
And so then
when Brian slaps you,
you feel like
it's a rite of passage?
- I think, attention,
rite of passage-
- I'm not excusing it.
- Well, no,
I'm just saying
I think all of that
is overrated.
- Yeah.
- I was a stripper in Berlin
for a couple months actually.
Just kind of, yeah,
learned that after a while.
- Did it make you
feel empowered?
Like, better at,
better at like-
Sex? I dunno.
- [chuckles] Uh-
- You felt sexier when you took
your clothes off?
- Yes and no.
Depended on the sitch.
- Did you tell Jason?
- Actually no.
That was before we got together.
So didn't really figure
that it was his biz.
- I can't believe
you still have his undies.
Throw them away.
- Oh.
[gasps]
- Okay. I'm touching the crotch.
Throw them away.
- Oh, no.
- I feel really bad
about littering.
- Ah, you'll be all right.
Come.
Oh, I wanna show you something.
I get this online at Temu,
because I thought
it looked like space.
- Bluetooth is on.
Bluetooth is connected.
- Damn right it is.
Bluetooth is connected.
Oh.
That was so pretty.
[laughter and grunting]
You reckon in space
instead of aeroplanes ,
there's spaceships
that fly around in the sky
and give lots
of noise pollution?
- I don't know.
I reckon the universe
doesn't have much sound.
Like it wouldn't be able
to bounce off things.
You know when you're in like
a really concrete-y place
and the concrete just goes
boom, boom, boom
and then the sound goes
boom, boom, boom.
[echoing clicking]
[soft chimes]
- Do I sound kind of like
a horse when I do that?
[voice reverberating]
Neigh!
Neigh.
Neigh.
[laughs]
I've got a funny -
What, what, what did
the horse say at the gay club?
- [voice reverberating]
What?
- S-neigh.
Get it, because
it's like slay but it's neigh,
and it's gay at the club.
What rhymes with club?
The sub gonna get a Subway
'cause it's cheap.
Gonna gimme something good
to eat for lunch, munch.
I'm in a crunch,
a time crunch
A money crunch,
all the crunch
There's nothing to do,
but there's so much to do
Shoo, shoo,
go away deadlines
I'm not dead fines,
I'm dead, not fines
It's all mines
And it's in my head
But maybe it's not.
Maybe it's real
Maybe there's some truth
to how I feel
I feel like a meal
That's been left
on a table going cold
Picked at, and picked at
and no one wants the peas
There's just
a whole thing of green peas
Please, says Mum
Eat your fucking peas
and I say, no Mum
I don't want peas
I want mash,
which is also how I feel
I feel like mash
and I'm going to crash
And it's been like way
too long since I've had a pash
I feel like trash
Global warming
Too much rubbish
in the oceans
Climate change
Yeah
Man, science has really
like has been telling us
this kind of shit for seriously,
since the '60s.
Maybe earlier. And we all knew
it was gonna happen.
But there were vested
business profits
that stopped us
from doing anything about it.
Exxon,
I'm looking at you, no offence,
but also lots of offence.
[button clicks]
- Yeah.
- Oh, I thought that it was
gonna do a different setting.
Hello.
- Hi.
[beep]
- Oh.
- [distorted high-pitched voice]
There you go.
- [distorted high-pitched voice]
Now I'm a little baby,
and that sounds kind of crazy.
You know what else is crazy
The shit scientists know
They're fucking raw dogs
And we don't pay them enough
for their research
- Although actually, sometimes,
well, science is subjective.
- No, that's the whole thing
about science -
That's the whole fucking thing
about science.
That it's not objective.
It's not subjective,
it's objective.
Subjective is like
English literature.
Objective is science.
They do tests,
they do hypothesis.
They have a hypothesis
and then they test it.
- Well, that's the thing
because.... hypothesis.
I can't take myself
seriously with that.
- And I can't take you seriously
when you talk fucking shit
like this.
- Okay.
Because-
- We went to an academically
selective school.
- Because hypothesis,
if you think about it,
it's just a widely
agreed on thing.
- [normal voice]
No, they do test...
[button clicks]
No -
- The Bluetooth device
is ready to pair.
- Well, hypothesis
isn't actually a fact.
It's what they're
trying to prove.
- Which is why
they then prove it.
What do you have to say
for yourself?
Are you a climate denier?
Are you a Flat-Earther?
- I'm not a climate denier.
- Well, thank fuck.
- The thing is, you see this?
- Yes.
- We call this the colour brown.
- Oh no, she's watched
a bad TikTok.
She thinks she's clever,
but it's actually designed
for fucking eight-year-olds.
- No, the thing is-
- It's not that deep.
- Objectively,
this is really brown.
We just all called it brown,
and agree that it is.
- Gimme my microphone back.
Please give the microphone back.
That's not a hot take.
- It's not your microphone.
It's mine.
- Jessie.
Jessie, I don't understand
what your point is.
- We call this brown,
because we've all agreed
that it is brown.
- Which makes it brown.
- Yeah, but I could call it...
"Shibadoo."
And if enough people agreed
that this was called Shibadoo,
it would become
the colour Shibadoo.
- Exactly.
So then it would be Shibadoo,
because
we would all collectively agree
that it's Shibadoo.
- Yeah. Which makes
collective agreement subjective.
- The truth.
No, it's not subjective because
it's still the same colour,
whether you call it
brown or Shibadoo.
Then you're just talking
about language, not science.
That's just language.
It's like in French,
that is "marron."
Everyone calls it "marron."
It's still "marron."
- Well, colourblind people
experience colour differently.
- Oh for fuck's sake.
No they don't.
- So that would be different
to them.
- Yes, they experience it
differently,
but it doesn't change
what colour actually is.
It's a light wave.
That is a light wave.
The colour of brown
is a light wave.
- Well, how do you know
that it is a light wave?
- [voice echoing]
Because I was in science class!
- So was I.
- It's still picking up
the echo.
So you can hold it
away from me all you want,
but I will be loud enough!
Loud enough!
- Okay.
What is loud?
- It's decibels.
It's decibels, Jessie.
- What is a decibel?
Can you show me a decibel?
- Oh my God!
You can get your phone.
You can Google a decibel.
This is the problem
with the world -
it's that people have no idea
what they're talking about
think that they're an authority
when there are scientists
who have actually spent years
studying decibels
and actually know
what sound waves are.
Oh my God.
And those sorts of people
should not have the microphone,
metaphorically,
but also literally.
They should not have platforms.
They should delegate
and give the opportunity
to people who know
what they're talking about.
Talk about.
- Do you know what
you're talking about?
[device beeping]
- No, but -
- Oh, different mode.
- No, I don't know
what I'm talking about,
which is why I shut up
when it's not about me.
- But you're being really loud
with that microphone.
- Because you weren't letting me
speak into it to echo.
You were just echoing your own
echo chamber bullshit.
- Okay, but you were
the one talking
over me this whole time.
- Because you were saying-
- And you've been making it
all about you this entire day.
- That's shitty.
That's a shitty thing to say.
I was sexually harassed at work,
and you're saying that
I'm making it about me.
That's shitty.
It's shitty.
- You said it wasn't even
about your boss.
[beep]
[distorted high-pitched voice]
That's shitty.
That's really shitty.
Please, can we just -
can we just pretend
this didn't happen?
I will brag to you about science
at a later date.
But can we just pretend
this didn't happen?
- No, we can't.
[device clicks]
- [normal voice] Why are you -
- Because it did.
- Why are you trying to make me
feel shit about science?
- I wasn't trying to make you
feel shit about science.
I was just sharing
my perspective.
And you started shouting.
- [voice echoes]
No.
[normal voice] No, 'cause I-
- I don't like that.
I don't like that you've been
talking at me this entire day
when I've been just trying
to show you around Melbourne.
- What?
What does this have
to do with decibels?
You're being so unreasonable.
You said something
that was objectively wrong.
I was correcting you.
- You don't know what's real
and what isn't.
Not to somebody else.
- But that's not
what this is about.
- You don't know me, Em.
It's been years since
we've last seen each other.
The least you could do
is actually just-
- Then tell me!
Like tell me what the fuck
is going on.
Don't expect me
to read your mind.
If your whole thing is
that people aren't objective-
- I am not -
- Then, then tell me.
- I am not going to open up
to you if you shout at me-
- Oh my God.
- For having a different
opinion about science.
- Because science
isn't something
you have opinions about.
That's the whole point.
That's literally
the whole thing.
So you can have opinions about
other things and I will honour
and respect those unless they're
shitty political opinions.
But you can have opinions and
I wanna hear about your life.
- There's the but.
Unless.
- Oh my God.
Are you serious?
[elevator dings]
- What sort of food
do you feel like?
- Honestly, whatever.
Just surprise me.
- Uh. Alright.
- Pardon?
- No, I said all right.
- It's my shout.
- No, you don't have to.
- It's okay.
No, you're letting me stay
with you. It's fine.
Do you wanna talk about it or-
- Not really. No.
- Are you okay?
[soft pensive music]
If you want me to go stay
somewhere else, I will.
I'm serious. It's fine.
So glad today's done.
- Thank you.
- Oh no, sorry I didn't,
no, I meant like I'm just-
- It's okay. No worries.
- Very exhausted now.
It's not about you.
- It's okay.
- Yeah.
- You cold?
- Yep.
Um, hey, if you wanna
talk about, like,
Jason or what is up or just like
how you're feeling,
I will listen.
We can do like sleepover vibes
and like I'm here for you
if that's what you need.
- Oh wait, shit.
Did I leave...
Do you have my keys?
- No.
- Uh, okay.
- They may have them
at the restaurant.
Do you want me to call them?
- Um, yeah, let's call the...
Shit, is that the time?
No, the restaurant's
gonna be closed by now.
- It's okay. I'll just do...
"24/7 locksmith."
- Okay.
Yeah lock...
No, oh, no fuck. Sorry.
Because you need the tappy thing
for the front door.
- Is there someone who like
runs the apartment-
- Yes there is,
and I don't have their number.
- Oh my - Jessie.
Okay, we'll just stay
with someone tonight -
No, Jason's got the spare key
as well.
He's all the way in Brisbane.
- Okay.
Do you know your neighbours?
Do you have any friends
that will let you crash?
- No, I don't. Oh my God.
No, friends -
no that's not gonna work.
- Okay.
I'm just gonna get a hotel.
- No, don't.
That's such a waste of money.
- Jessie, it's fine.
- Don't even.
- It's fine.
- It's not fine.
- I'm not staying out
until the morning.
Let's go round the clock
to the club. Whoo!
- Yeah, alright.
[laughter]
- No Jessie, that was a joke.
- No, I mean, why not?
It's Saturday. It's the weekend.
- Who are you texting?
Who is "Rhys Caps?"
- No.
- Wait. What?
No, no, no, no.
- Well, I've already sent it.
- Un-send it.
- No, he's replying. Look.
- What?
- They're right on their way.
- [scoffs]
- What, you've not done caps
before?
- No, of course I have.
I just don't feel
like it tonight.
I don't think
that's like the vibe.
- Well, it's exactly the vibe,
'cause like I could use
an energy boost.
I don't know about you.
You've probably been awake
for ages.
- We can just go to 7/11 and
get like, a V or something.
- I didn't wanna
scare you earlier,
but Rhys can be really intense.
So just stay here
when he rocks up.
Like I don't want anything
happening to you.
- Okay. Is he like a big guy?
- Oh, wait, there, there.
Wait. No stay. Stay.
[feet tapping, panting]
Ayy.
[car door slams]
[car door slams]
- Are you okay?
- What?
No, no, no. Don't.
Hide them!
- It's chill.
- Okay.
That's good stuff, right?
Does it just mean...
rap voice?
- Yeah. It means
you get like a clean high.
- You made me step in a puddle.
- [laughs]
- I'm not...
Okay.
How do you know this guy?
- Oh Rhys?
- Yeah.
Do you trust him?
- Chill, I was just
messing with you.
He's actually like a industrial
design student at RMIT.
- Oh. So he's like doing this
as a side hustle.
- Yeah. Sweetest dude ever.
- How much money do you reckon
you make from that?
Just like, curious.
- All right, well,
this is where we drop.
- Okay.
- Well, you know what I mean
by drop?
- Yes, I know what you mean.
- Okay, cool.
- I'm not an idiot, Jessie.
- Anyway, this is
a great spot for me.
It's got a lot of memories.
- Oh, yep.
- Yep. I've had many fun nights
starting here.
Anyway, this is yours.
- Oh, thank you.
- And that is for me. Cheers.
- Do you want water or - oh.
- [laughs]
[sighs]
You know,
I almost got knifed there once.
- What? Where?
- Just there -
like, yeah.
- Near the bins?
- Mmm.
- You okay?
- Yeah.
I said almost.
- No, I just,
I haven't dropped before.
So I just don't, yeah.
- Oh. Um.
Well, first time for everything.
- Yeah.
- Whee!
- How long's it gonna take
until I feel it?
- Um, half an hour probably
because we had dinner.
- Is this supposed
to warm me up?
- Yeah. Yeah. Trust me.
You're gonna be like,
sweating heaps when it kicks in.
- Okay. Whoo.
Oh, I feel nothing.
- Yeah me neither.
It's kind of taking
a while this time.
- What -
- Oh wait...
We know you!
- Hello!
- You're the colourful clown
dude from the bridge.
No but your hat is different.
- It's my evening hat.
- Cute flower that you got.
- Thank you.
- Well, she's been cold
the whole night
and she's kind of raring
to go dancing.
- Go clubbing.
Go club.
- Yeah you know,
get, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You should come.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Sounds like a good idea.
- Heck yeah.
- She's joking.
- Yeah right.
You okay?
[dreamy music]
- Hello, just take...
- I'm going where I belong...
- You know I can still
see you, right?
- No, you can't.
- Okay, yeah I can't.
- Oh, where is Em?
- Okay shit, that's actually
kind of scary now.
[groans]
- Are you all right-
- Whoo!
- You feeling okay?
- Yeah. I feel great.
What am I wearing?
- Oh, well that was
from clown dude, remember?
- Oh, my God.
- You were cold earlier
so he had a spare in his pack.
- Where did he go?
- I think we left him on
the dance floor or something.
He was having a great time.
- Okay.
Well, as long as he's happy,
and that's where
we're supposed to be.
- Yeah. That's where
we're all supposed to be.
- Whoop!
Whoop, all right.
Are you feeling it?
You feeling it?
You feeling it?
You having your best time?
- I'm having an okay time
actually.
- Mm-hmmm.
- Yeah.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
[humming]
Did it work?
Are you feeling it?
- Did what work?
Oh, um.
Yeah, no.
'Cause like, actually...
Oh, all right. You've got moves.
- Yeah.
What's up?
- Yeah.
- Why are you not feeling it?
- Oh well, no,
it's 'cause like
MDMA doesn't work with
antidepressants.
Like, I totally forgot that.
- Oh, Jessie.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I just want you to be
not depressed.
I want you to be happy.
Muah!
Can I carry you?
Can I carry you?
I'm gonna carry you.
I'm gonna carry
the sadness away.
- Yeah, you can try.
- [grunting]
How do you reckon I start this?
- You-
- Hello.
To start riding, please
download the Neuron app.
- You actually have
to scan the app thing.
- I don't wanna scan an app.
I just wanna start.
"Hold to accelerate..."
- Please be careful.
Any criminal act
will be reported.
- Ooh!
Do you dare me to do
a criminal act?
- Oh, well it's the first time
for everything,
for you I guess tonight.
[alarm chirps]
- [humming]
Get on, get up, get on, get up.
Do you reckon I can just... oh!
I don't have to scan it.
- How are you doing that?
- Oh my God.
It says it's calling
the authorities.
- Wait, for real?
- Yeah. Literally just said,
"I'm calling the authorities
for help."
- Wait, what?
- Oh no.
How do I-
- Jessie.
- How do I get this to stay?
- Jessie, we're on drugs.
- Wait, what?
- Nope, just put it up,
put it up, put it up.
- Put it up?
But like...
I don't know.
I feel like robots will
take over the world one day,
which is why I'm always really
nice when I talk to my phone -
- I've already stopped.
- Or like Alexa, or Siri,
because -
- I've stopped, okay?
I said I've stopped.
Hurdles.
[dramatic piano music]
- [speaking in French]
[chime rings]
- Okay, Em, you're getting
a bit too chill now.
- I'm chill.
You wanted me to be chill.
- I know, but like,
but you can't just
fall asleep randomly
in the middle of the city.
- Okay. Call your friends.
Excuse me.
Jessie doesn't have keys.
I wanna sleep at
a friend's house.
- I am not going
to do that because-
- I wanna party
with your friends.
Can we call your friends
and can we dance
with your friends?
- Well, I have to call you
because you are my only friend.
- That's not true.
Where are your other friends?
- That's true.
- Mmm.
Where are they?
- I don't know.
I ask myself that
all the time actually.
It's kind of embarrassing.
- What do you mean?
You're so friendly.
Well, I didn't keep in touch
with any
high school or uni people.
- Why not?
- I'm not good at
keeping in touch with people.
I mean, dropped out of uni.
Sure.
Went to Europe for a couple
of years and that was fun.
But they're all back in Europe.
And when you move to a new city
as a grown person-
- Hey.
I think that you're very brave.
- Yeah, right.
- No, I'm serious.
Accept my compliment, shh.
I think that you are very brave.
- I'm not brave though.
I am crazy cat lady
without the cats.
- [laughs] Because
crazy cat lady without the cats
is just crazy lady.
- Yep.
- And crazy and brave
are the same thing.
And it's a very good thing.
It's like a, like a little,
like a little coin
with both sides.
And it's like a little tightrope
that the circus clown walks on.
And it'll be like crazy brave,
crazy brave, crazy brave.
And you'll just do that
your whole life.
But it'll be really good
because it is better
to be a little bit crazy
and also brave
rather than to be nothing.
And I think that I am nothing.
- This is the tale
of Jessie's social demise!
We start on the beautiful
Stradbroke Island
because my boyfriend Jason
has his cousin's wedding
to go for.
So naturally,
as you do at weddings,
we all get super, super drunk.
Like, ugh, staggering,
can't walk properly drunk,
and naturally
we decide to skinny dip.
There's me, there's Jason,
and there's Jono,
Jason's younger brother.
And a bunch of other people
as well.
But anyway, in I go,
skinny dip. Whoo!
And coming up I'm like
super wet, super cold.
And that's when I realised
everybody else chickened out
except for me and Jono.
And so there we are,
huddled together for warmth.
And I look up and I go,
"Jono, when did you get so big?"
And he goes,
"Well, I'm like 19 now, bro,
And I drink Crownies
with the boys.
And like, Ronaldo is my GOAbecause he's dating
this super hot chick.
And also I'm training
to be a chef
because I'm like,
really good with meat.
I've great with steak
and smoking stuff.
And by the way,
do you want some of my meat?"
So yeah, we have sex.
Oh, I don't really remember
like, a lot of it,
because again, drunk.
But what I do remember
is the chafing.
There was a lot of it.
Because like sea,
sand everywhere.
Ah, but the worst thing
was Jason's reaction
when he found out,
'cause he like told everybody.
And that is why
I have no friends.
[sweeping music]
- Do you reckon if you like
chew the inside
of your mouth hard enough,
you could just like,
and then, and then chew
and get rid of all your cheek,
like that?
- Hey, Em?
- Yeah.
- We should probably
get you some gum actually.
- No, no, no.
I can feel my cheek.
- Yeah. I would actually
advise against that.
- [babbling]
This is my face
when I see her boobies.
- That's um...
Wow.
That's quite, quite the face.
- Look at them. They're great.
Imagine -
- They are.
- Having boobs that are like
stone hard.
Like they're literally-
- But they're also like,
they're like perfect circles.
- Yeah.
- Like who has those, you know?
- I don't know, that's like
two little watermelons,
but big watermelons.
- Yeah.
They're like almost too perfect.
- But also they put
like a nipple,
but only on one nipple.
It's like a little
salami nipple.
- Yeah, but I feel like
that's realistic, you know.
Like, just the one.
- Oh, I was gonna say
it's realistic
that she's like defying
gender body standards.
Like I'm really sick
of little hard nipples.
I just think we should
be celebrating,
like big fat flat nipples.
- Yeah.
- 'Cause that's, that's real.
- Yeah.
Or just even celebrating
the small boobies as well.
- Yeah.
- We need some
small boobie love.
- Okay, maybe we have to
slice her boobies off then.
- Oh damn.
- Yeah.
- Ouch.
- I don't know.
I just feel like
we're in a weird catch 22.
Everything we do is, she,
she's gonna be bad
for having big boobies,
she's gonna be bad
for having little boobies.
She just can't have boobies.
She can't have boobies and win,
you know.
- Hey. But you know what?
She doesn't have
the spiky thing on her head
to stop birds from pooping.
- Oh!
The pigeon spiky poop,
pigeon poo spike.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Yeah. No she doesn't.
Which is good,
because that means
that the birds respect her
and they don't need
an extra spike,
because she's like,
holding the spike
and she's like,
I fucking got you.
- You know what?
I think they do respect her.
She looks pretty spotless to me.
- Yeah, she seems like
the sort of person
where like no one would try
and slap her bum.
No one would try.
She would just look at them
with that like,
ice cold Medusa stare
and be like,
"You're gonna be rock like me
if you slap my bum."
And she would definitely
not tell HR because she is HR.
- Well yeah, she's above HR.
- Yeah. She's like, I'm holding
a sticky dicky and a ball.
Yeah.
Ah! Spiky, spiky, spiky,
so spiky!
- Maybe you should
put that down.
- Oh God, it's stuck.
This is my kingdom!
[panting]
Jessie, come here.
- What?
- Make a wish.
- All right.
[yawns]
- It's very peaceful.
- Yeah.
- Hey, how many steps
do you reckon we got in today?
- Um.
- 525,600 steps
- [laughs]
- How do you measure,
measure a day and a bit
In daylight, in sunset...
Did I ever tell you that
I had a secret musical theatre
obsession in Year 9 that
I didn't tell anyone about?
- Yep. It was definitely
not secret.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Oh shit.
- Yeah.
I mean, the amount of times
at our sleepovers,
I heard you, like,
pretending to be the Phantom
in "Phantom of the Opera"
when you thought I was asleep.
- Yeah. It's a really good role.
It's okay though.
I've gotten all the songs out.
And you know what, Jessie?
- What?
- Right now my brain is empty.
[waterfall whooshing]
- I think you're vibing.
- I think I'm vibing.
- Yeah.
- Oh, ah.
- How's it feel to vibe?
- It feels really lovely.
Can't believe you just
do this every day.
- Actually I don't.
Like the first time I was here
was earlier today with you.
I've actually
not been here before.
- What?
- Yeah, like I saw
this place on TikTok
and yeah,
we just kind of
ended up here
by luck or something.
- So this is like,
actually an influencer place?
- Probably.
- Does that mean I have
to like get in a bikini
and stand in that waterfall
and just like-
- Probably.
- Why'd you lie about it?
- I don't know.
I kind of do that
a lot actually.
Like,
I would have just not told Jason
about cheating on him
'till like,
Jono got weird and stuff.
And then Jason got suss
and then it became a thing.
[laughs]
But the best one though,
the best one was
when I dropped outta uni,
I told my parents
I was on exchange in Europe.
- Why are you so proud of that?
- Sorry, what was that?
- I said, why are you
so proud of that?
- Maybe because
I'm a shit person.
Like, I don't know.
I don't feel much nowadays.
I didn't even feel bad
about cheating on Jason.
I just like...
I mean, I felt bad
that I didn't feel bad
because I was like,
does that make me a psychopath?
But like, I don't know, man.
Like things are weird.
I'm just like, what's the point?
It doesn't matter what I do
because I live, I do shit,
and then I die
and then that's the end.
- Mm-mm.
Uh-uh, I think that's a cop out.
- Well, no, I think
what a cop out is,
is that people invent God
or lean on science
or politics to give their lives
extra meaning
because really everything
is actually meaningless.
And so nothing actually matters
and what's the point
in anything?
And so why not lie?
Because what difference
does that make or-
- It makes a difference
to the people you lie to.
That's the difference it makes.
And all those religions
and science and whatever else,
they're just trying to
create value
that you can believe in,
so you can get out of bed
in the morning.
None of them are final or true,
but all of them are proof
that for thousands and thousands
and thousands of years,
humans have just been
trying to figure out
how to do their best
by each other.
- But like-
- And I don't think
you get to step away from that.
- But the messed up thing is,
is that I wish I could believe
in something like that,
but I'm just like...
But because it's all made up,
I just can't.
I just can't believe
in anything.
- Well then, you don't have to
choose something else
from someone else to believe in.
You just have to find something
that you believe in.
You just have to pick it,
Jessie.
It doesn't matter what it is.
You can believe in vibing,
even if it's influencer vibing.
You can believe in anything.
You just have to pick it
and decide.
Because if you choose
not to believe in anything
then why get out of bed
every morning, right?
Why show up and try to
do something?
Right?
'Cause we're stuck here,
you may as well find something
to steer you.
- I guess so.
While I'm here,
I might as well enjoy myself.
- Yeah.
But hey,
I'm very grateful that you
lied to me about this place.
- Why?
- Because it's nice.
And now I might start vibing
on my way to work.
There's somewhere like this
in Sydney, right?
- Maybe.
- It's just man-made.
[birds chirping]
[grunting]
- Oh, yes, it's open.
- Mmm.
- I feel so fucked up.
- Yeah, let's just
not do stuff today.
- Okay.
Think I'll have some
hectic dreams today.
- There's something
underneath me.
It's my fucked up airport book.
Shall we do
a bedtime horror story?
- Mm-hmm.
- About the climate catastrophe,
and our eventual demise.
[yawning] I'll just skip
straight to the end.
"The human game has indeed begun
to play itself out.
That's what the relentless
rise in temperature tells us.
And the fact that we
increasingly spend our days
staring glumly
at the rectangle in our palm.
We are messy creatures,
often selfish,
prone to shortsightedness,
susceptible to greed.
In a Trumpian moment with racism
and nationalism resurgent,
you could argue
that our disappearance
would be no great loss.
And yet, most of us,
most of the time,
are pretty wonderful,
funny, kind.
Another name for
human solidarity is love.
And when I think about our world
in its present form,
that is what overwhelms me.
The human love that works
to feed the hungry
and clothe the naked.
The love that comes together
in defence of sea turtles
and sea ice,
and of all else around us
that's good.
The love that lets
each of us see
we're not the most
important thing on Earth
and makes us okay with that.
The love that welcomes us,
imperfect, into the world
and surrounds us when we die.
Even, especially -
in its twilight,
the human game
is graceful and compelling."
- [light snoring]
- Ah, I'm craving a soft serve
so bad.
- Yeah. I could use
a soft serve.
- [laughing] No, I'm gonna need
to do an airport soft serve.
Yeah.
- That's okay. They taste
better at the airport.
- Yeah.
What's the bet
that the machine's broken?
- Get your soft serve
at the airport then.
And then fly back to Sydney.
- Yeah.
- You excited to go back, and-
- Yeah.
I dunno if it's excited.
I'm ready to sleep
in my own bed, yeah.
- Fair enough.
- Yeah.
It's all part of the fun.
- Yeah.
- You're not feeling
too smashed?
- Uh, I'm definitely feeling it.
But like I'm,
look, I'm still standing.
- Yeah. No plans for tonight?
- And now I am walking.
- We don't wait for
the green here.
- Yeah.
- Oh, they've Christmased it.
- Oh, they have.
That's Christmas-y.
- Yeah.
- You know, I feel like
that happened really quick.
- Yeah. Strange.
[crosswalk chirping]
- Anyway.
- I really hope you had fun.
- Yeah. No I did. I did.
I mean, 'cause it got hectic.
It's like
kind of insane how much,
just like stuff you can do
when you're not working.
[laughs]
- True.
- No. Thank you for being
my tour guide.
- No, like,
thank you for coming, like yeah.
It was, it was fun.
It was silly.
- Bye, bye, bye, bye.
I'll see you very soon.
Hit me up if you're ever
in Sydney.
- Yeah, maybe I'll visit you.
- Yeah, you know where
to find me.
No, that's my -
It's my phone.
- That's my phone too.
Phone bump.
Whoo.
[laughs]
- You gonna be good?
- Yeah.
I actually wanna move
to a sharehouse,
now that I think about it.
Live with people,
not get locked out.
The good stuff.
- Well, good luck.
- Thank you.
- Good luck, good luck.
I'll see you when I see you.
- Yeah.
Oh, will work be okay?
- Oh, with the -
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I'll look after it.
[whooshes]
- Ooh.
- That's me looking after it.
- Heck yeah.
- Bye.
[soft bright music]