Gambit (1966) Movie Script
1
I'm gonna spread my wings
and fly right out to you
For much too long this
little bird's been blue
I need a great big handsome male
to muss my feathers and pet my tail
and be with me so we can bill and coo
I'm gonna spread my wings
and fly so far away
till I find the nest
that's best for me to stay
so tell the robin and tell the dove that
little miss blue bird's fallen in love
and sings all day cos everything's OK
so tell the robin and tell the dove that
little miss blue bird's fallen in love
and sings all day cos everything's OK
Here she is.
What do you think?
Perfect! Perfect!
Would she cooperate?
A girl making 50 Hong Kong cents a dance?
Of course she'll cooperate.
Now... pay close attention.
Dean's the name, Harry Dean.
May I present Emile Fournier,
art dealer and connoisseur.
Enchant mademoiselle.
Won't you sit down?
How would you like to make
5,000 dollars?
Not Hong Kong...
Five thousand United States
of America dollars.
That's five... zero... zero...
zero.
Good morning! My name is Dean...
Harold Dean.
Ah, Sir Harold, welcome to Dammuz.
I am JK Ram, the manager of
the Semiramis Hotel.
Good of you to meet us, Ram.
This is Lady Dean.
Ah, yes, Lady Dean.
I have a car for you, Sir Harold.
Ah, yes.
- If you will be good enough to follow me.
- Yes, now about our luggage, old boy.
We don't want to lose that now, do we?
Of course not, Sir Harold.
Your luggage will be sent down to you later at the hotel.
- Thank you very much indeed.
- Not at all, Sir Harold.
Are you not coming with us?
No, I've one or two details to attend to.
I shall have the honour to see
you later at the hotel.
Connect me with
Mr. Shahbandar's private telephone immediately.
That is what I said... immediately.
Hello? Abdul?
Sir Harold and Lady Dean, sir.
Of course. Good morning, sir.
Good morning.
The royal suite is all ready for you.
- If you would care to register, Sir Harold?
- Thank you.
Where can I cash
a traveller's cheque, please?
- At the cashiers, of course.
- Thank you.
- If I may have your passport, Sir Harold.
- Yes.
Only a formality.
We will return them immediately.
Please conduct Sir Harold and
Lady Dean to the royal suite.
This way, Sir Harold.
"Pictorial's visit to
the richest man in the world.
"An exclusive look at the shyest billionaire
"and his exotic hotel-apartment hideaway.
"Several times a year, mostly holidays,
"Ahmad Shahbandar,
believed by many to be the wealthiest man in the world
"journeys to Dammuz
"and to his exotic penthouse
in the world famous Hotel Semiramis."
Sit down, love, sit down.
"While his less exclusive countrymen
make merry in the Casbah-flavoured city
"this latter day Arabian knight
locks himself into his fortress
"to which only his most intimate associates
have ever been invited."
We are going to change all that.
Take a look at this.
That's Shahbandar
twenty years ago.
Now... take a look at the girl.
That's why you're here.
She died a year after they married.
He never married again.
When he hears about you,
he'll want to see you.
That means he has to see me.
The invitation should arrive any minute.
Come in.
What is it, Ram?
A very great honour, Sir Harold.
You are invited to take cocktails
this evening at 6 o'clock
in the apartment of
Mr. Ahmad Shahbandar.
Oh? Who's he?
Ahmad Shahbandar?
He owns this hotel, sir.
He owns most of Dammuz.
Oh, he does, does he?
Well, fancy that now.
Well, yes, I suppose I can fit him in.
Can you occupy yourself, my dear,
while I have a drink with this... Shah chappie?
Oh, no, Sir Harold.
The invitation is also for the Lady Dean.
Most assuredly for the Lady Dean.
Oh, really? All right then.
May I then come to collect you
at ten minutes to six, sir?
Ten minutes to six it shall be, dear boy.
4279 please.
Hello?
Oh, hello, it's Harold Dean speaking.
It is me, Emile.
Have you made the delivery?
Yes, I have made the delivery.
Thank you, goodbye.
You must bear in mind at all times
this image of his wife is
Shahbandar's lifelong obsession.
For 20 years he has never looked
at another woman.
All he has ever wanted
was a facsimile of her.
Remember that.
That'll be, Ram.
One last thing.
At 11:30, no matter where you are,
no matter what you're doing, leave it.
Go to the airport. Be there by midnight.
The plane leaves at 12:30.
Come in.
Ten minutes to six, Sir Harold.
Mr. Shahbandar awaits your presence.
We're right with you, dear boy.
Sir Harold, Lady Dean, if you'll follow me.
- Lead on, dear boy!
- Thank you so much.
There is only one entrance to
Mr. Shahbandar's apartments
through his personal elevator
which was brought all the way from Paris
in his own personal aircraft.
Then as you can see he has
his own personal bodyguard.
If you'll be so kind, Lady Dean...
Sir Harold.
If you will permit me,
I shall now send the lift.
This mechanism is a little slow
but I believe we shall arrive
with perfect punctuality.
One moment.
I've dropped my cufflink down the lift shaft.
Goodness gracious!
Well, I shall get it later, sir.
Not later, dear boy, now.
Mr. Shahbandar does not like
to be kept waiting.
And I don't like to walk about half naked.
Why am I being kept waiting?
Try to be patient, effendi.
The British aristocracy insist on arriving
too early or too late but never on time.
And while we are waiting would you care
to make a decision about the Buddha?
What?
I promised him an early reply.
How much?
Only $5,000, extremely inexpensive.
All right, all right, buy it.
It has to be down there somewhere,
doesn't it?
Don't worry, Ram, we'll find it.
Ah... very nice.
Very nice indeed.
How many Rolls does
Mr. Shahbandar own?
Three sir: This one, the black one there...
and a new white one.
And how does one move these cars
in and out of here?
In the usual manner, sir...
through the door.
That is the door.
Goodness gracious!
It looks more like a safety curtain.
Here is the cufflink, Sir Harold.
It was quite undamaged.
Good! I knew we'd find it.
Shall we go now, Sir Harold? Lady Dean?
Come along, darling.
- Could you fix this for me, dear boy?
- It would be my pleasure, Sir Harold.
- Thank you.
- You are most welcome, Sir Harold.
- Ah! Sir Harold, may I present to you...
- Ah, Mr. Shahbandar!
I am Mr. Shahbandar's secretary.
I am sorry.
Welcome Sir Harold... my lady.
This way, please.
Darling?
If you'll just make yourselves comfortable,
Mr. Shahbandar will here in a moment.
Thank you.
Sir Harold, how kind of you to come.
How do you do? May I present my wife?
Please be seated.
May I offer you some refreshment?
Perhaps a little champagne.
That'd be splendid.
Aren't you going to join us?
We are not permitted alcohol.
I expect you're wondering why
I wanted to meet you.
The thought had crossed my mind.
I presumed you wanted a chat
about the world oil situation.
A remarkable thing has happened.
You might even call it a... miracle.
I don't know quite how to...
how to explain it.
You have a very beautiful wife, sir.
Have you been married long?
Four years.
You are fortunate.
I was married for only one year.
It was a wonderful year but...
it passed so quickly
and then she was gone.
May I show you something...
- something quite extraordinary?
- Certainly!
Please come with me.
Always interested in seeing
something extraordinary.
This is my office and library.
This way please.
I must say, Mr. Shahbandar,
you have some beautiful things.
This for instance.
Chinese, isn't it?
That's right, yes.
You see?
This bust is of the Empress Lissu.
She was born in Burma 2,300 years ago.
The daughter of a Burmese mother
and a Greek father.
She married the Emperor of China
when she was 12 years old.
I believe I gave the highest price ever
for a work of art but that is not important.
You see I had to have her
because the face of the Lissu...
is the image of my late wife
and now...
you understand now what I meant...
by a miracle.
It's incredible!
It's absolutely amazing!
At the risk of appearing bad mannered,
Mr. Shahbandar,
I wonder if I might have
another glass of champagne.
- Of course.
- Come, darling.
Indeed, now that you realise
why I wanted to meet your wife.
I hope you'll have more
than a glass of champagne.
I'd be greatly honoured if
you would dine with me.
Now take, Hutton.
There's a cricketer for you.
They knighted him, you know.
Jolly well deserved it too.
Most people, you know, think cricket is
solely for the Australians and the English
but let me tell you this, Shahbandar,
the West Indians are playing better
than we are at the moment.
I don't think they'll beat the Australians.
They are dedicated sort of chaps.
Goodness gracious! It's ten o'clock.
Nicole, my dear, we really must be going.
Going? But...
Must you really?
- It is early. Could I not persuade you...
- Things to do, Shahbandar, things to do.
I have to call London,
might even have to call New York, dammit.
I'm afraid your trip to the Arab quarter
has been knocked for six, my dear.
I had promised Lady Dean
a tour of your city
but I'm afraid I don't have
the time right now.
Well it's been a delightful evening
and we've thoroughly enjoyed it.
Come along, darling.
Sir Harold, I hope you won't
consider it presumptuous...
I'm not quite sure how
to suggest this but...
I would consider it an honour
and a privilege
if you would allow me to show
Lady Dean, our beautiful city.
That's very kind of you, Shahbandar,
but it's far too much trouble.
But I insist, please.
With your permission of course.
Ah...
Very well then and
thank you for your generosity.
Well, I suppose that just leaves me
to say goodnight.
Thanks awfully for a wonderful evening.
Goodnight, darling.
Oh, and please bear in mind that
Lady Dean does value her rest.
Don't be too late, darling.
Toodle-oo!
There's a ticket to Hong Kong
there's a passport made out
in the name of Lady Dean to get you out of here
and there's $5,000.
Your plane leaves in 15 minutes.
Goodbye and thank you
for your cooperation.
And that's the plan, Emile,
down to the very last detail.
It can't fail. It's absolutely foolproof.
If it works the way you think it will work.
It works. They'll write us up in books.
We'll be historical.
What do you know about her?
Her name's Nicole Chang.
French-Canadian mother,
Eurasian father.
- Displaced person.
- Stateless.
What makes you so sure
she will cooperate?
Instinct, Emile, instinct.
Emile Fournier,
art dealer and connoisseur, may I present...
I wanted you to follow me.
So you did.
Well, why are you standing here?
I thought you wanted to dance.
No, no, I want you to meet
this friend of mine.
Oh, he wants to dance.
- Is he shy?
- No, we want to talk to you.
No kidding! What about?
Well, it's about...
Let me put it this way: If you would do me
the honour of accepting my invitation.
I assure you, we will tell you.
Now since you put it so gallantly,
Mr. Dean, I can hardly refuse, can I?
You're so very kind.
Emile Fournier,
art dealer and connoisseur, may I present...
- Nicole Chang.
- Enchant mademoiselle.
- Enchant.
- Vous parlez Franais.
No, not really. Just a few phrases.
I know one German limerick.
Yeah, will you sit down... please?
Sorry.
Is there any particular subject
you'd like to talk about?
How would you like to make
five thousand dollars?
Now that's a terrific subject.
I happen to be perfectly serious.
Serious is as serious does, Mr. Dean.
Then I will ask the question again,
Miss Chang.
How would you like to make
five thousand dollars?
Very serious American dollars.
And a genuine guaranteed
British passport.
What would I have to do?
Oh, nothing too difficult.
Slide into some beautiful clothes,
travel in first-class luxury,
be entertained in top-notch style,
pretend to be my wife
Oh... pretend?
Yes.
Just pretend,
Miss Chang.
What's the catch, Mr. Dean?
Is it dishonest?
Do I look like a crook?
You do a little.
Right here on this side of his cheek
a kind of crooked indentation
all the way up to his eye.
Yes, you do look like a crook.
But then again you can't tell
the crooks from the good guys any more, can you?
I mean with all the secret stuff going on.
Genuine guaranteed British passport?
Then I'll do it.
This way to immigration please.
Watch your step.
Immigration this way please.
Will you please step this way?
I thought you said
there'd be a Rolls Royce.
It'll be out front.
Do hurry please,
you are holding up the line.
This way to customs please.
Have your baggage checks ready, thank you.
Thank you.
This way to customs please.
Have your baggage checks ready.
I happen to be Sir Harold Dean.
Isn't there some way of avoiding...
It's an international custom, Harry.
Everyone has to do it.
Will you wait for me by the exit, darling?
Yes, Harry.
It is forbidden to take tips, effendi.
It's not a tip, dear boy, it's a bribe.
That's quite another matter.
I shall move you through very quickly and
have your bags taken directly to the taxi.
No need for a taxi, dear boy.
There'll be a Rolls Royce waiting for me outside.
Do aeroplanes bother you?
No.
When you go from air travel to ground travel
it can affect your equilibrium.
My equilibrium is fine, thank you.
You're not still mad because
I wore this dress instead of the red one, are you?
It is better for travelling...
Yes, you explained all that
at Hong Kong airport.
So I did.
Well, I met this Norwegian ship's captain once...
I think he was from Oslo
and he had a theory about motion sickness,
something to do with
the relationship between your vision
and the weight of your shoes.
He said he made a study
of things like that.
Isn't it interesting how some people
get attracted to things?
You know, I've come to realise
in the past two weeks
that you're a very difficult man to know.
I wish we'd come by boat.
I say, would you tell Mr. Ram,
that Sir Harold and Lady Dean would like...
Step to the reception desk, sir.
They'll take care of you there.
Well, if I were you,
I'd send it direct to his company.
I say.
Yes, sir.
My name is Sir Harold Dean.
Why wasn't my limousine at the airport?
Sorry, it is no longer the policy of this hotel
to send a limousine to the airport.
All right. Get me your manager, Mr. Ram.
Mr. Ram is not with us any more, sir.
I suppose you do have
a suite reserved for me.
- Yes, of course.
- Oh, really.
If you'll be good enough to register, please.
Thank you.
My key to room 325, please.
I shall be needing your passports,
Sir Gerald.
- It's Harold, with an "h".
- Oh, yes, of course.
816 and 7.
This way, sir.
Is something else missing, Harry?
No, nothing.
- Thank you.
- Shukran.
- Thank you.
- Shukran ya seede.
Harry, it's like a palace!
I never thought I'd be standing
in a place like this.
Don't you think it's a palace too?
Yes.
You know what it reminds me of?
Mrs. Peonski.
Did I ever tell you about Mrs. Peonski?
I should think so.
You told me about all the other chaps.
She's not a chap. She's an old woman.
She came from Poland on a cattle boat
and rode all the way from Burma
to Thailand on an ox.
Ah, here it is.
And all she had with her was
a small paper sack.
Full of soap I hope.
4279, please.
Will you play a little quieter, Nicole?
Nicole!
Whenever I think of Mrs. Peonski,
I appreciate luxury more.
- I'm going into the bedroom now.
- Promise?
Yes, 4279 please.
Hello, Emile?
Who is this?
That call is for me.
Hello?
Operator, would you get me, 4279 again, please?
I think there's been a mistake.
It can't possibly be busy.
Would you, please, keep trying?
There's only one bed in here, Harry.
Where are you going to sleep?
Sleep?
Nobody's going to sleep anywhere.
If things'll start going properly,
we'll be outta here by midnight.
Midnight?
D'you mean we came all this way just to leave at midnight?
That's right.
Oh, I think I'm entitled to know a little more
of what's going on, don't you?
Funny you should say that.
I do think that you are entitled to know
a little bit more of what's going on.
Now, here is part 2 of your instructions.
This magazine's ten years old.
Turn to page 41.
Oh! Look at the funny hats they wore then
Harry and the hemlines...
Never mind the hats and hemlines.
Turn to page 41.
37... 38...
Right now.
Take a good hard look at that man.
I'm taking a good hard look.
His name is Ahmad Shahbandar.
Ahmad Shahbandar.
And he's the man, we're here to meet.
He's the man, we're here to meet.
He also happens to be the richest man
in the entire world.
Harry! There's no such thing as
the richest man in the entire world.
It's like the highest stars...
All right, the second richest man
in the entire world
- the 27th, what difference does it make?
- You don't have to get mad at me.
Your mind's always going off
in some sort of tangent.
If it's not one thing it's another.
A ship's captain from Oslo or
your Chinese nurse with a wooden toe
or Mrs. Ponskiwonski's paper ox.
It's not Ponskiwonski,
it's Peonski and it wasn't a paper ox, it was a paper sack.
I can't help it if my mind takes a tangent
every now and then.
Well, it's driving me
round the bloody bend.
All right, all right.
So you've made an appointment with
this richest man in the entire world, is that it?
If you will read the magazine as I ask
you'll see that it does not
make appointments
because he is a recluse.
Well, then why does he want to see us?
A recluse doesn't see anybody, Harry.
That's why... that's why.
Who is this? His wife?
Was his wife. She's dead.
You made me look like this dead lady.
Exactly! And when Shahbandar learns about you,
we will be invited to meet him.
Between now and midnight?
Yes.
And then what?
Whatever it is, Harry,
if I were the richest man in the world
I certainly wouldn't fall for this.
Well, you're not and he will,
and when he does, you just do as you're told
and listen to
the instructions I'm about to give you.
You understand?
Yes, Harry.
I have already taken care of
Oriental Steamship, yes.
They agreed to my price.
Fifteen million... I know.
Any time.
Fifteen million for Oriental Steamship?
Ahmad... you're a genius.
Hardly Abdul, hardly.
You won't forget the Buddha,
Mr. Shahbandar.
Hm?
The Buddha from the Frenchman,
Fournier.
You remember him.
He did an excellent reproduction for us a few years ago.
How much?
Five thousand.
Quite reasonable.
Perhaps too reasonable.
I'll think about it.
Arlette, would you mind leaving us
for a moment?
No, Abdul, if I were a genius
I would understand this.
I would understand exactly why
this particular face...
has arrived at this particular hotel.
They flew TWA from Karachi.
They have a 48-hour visa.
The man is 30 years old,
born in London and he was wearing an Etonian tie.
This is too good to be true.
Imagine my reaction when
I first saw her in the hotel lobby.
The resemblance is absolutely
astounding.
It's like magic.
Perhaps too much like magic.
Have them watched.
Yes, Ahmad.
And at 11:30, no matter where you are,
no matter what you are doing, leave it.
Go to the airport, be there by midnight.
Your plane leaves at 12:30.
I'm supposed to drop everything
no matter where I am.
That's right.
Is that all you're going to tell me?
That's all you have to know.
Now, just follow your instructions
and retire gracefully, right?
Yes, sir.
Hello, this is Sir Harold Dean.
Twenty minutes ago I asked you for 4279.
Now where is it?
Would you mind hurrying, please?
Come with me.
Lady Dean has retired gracefully
and is unpacking.
Will you come with me, please?
- Why? Where are we going?
- We're going to find Emile.
Emile? I thought he was in Hong Kong.
No, he's here.
Will you stop asking questions?
It's only human to be curious, Harry.
Yes, well, as far as I'm concerned
you're far too human.
Vous restez ici quelques minutes
pour moi.
Merci.
Ahem.
Ahem.
Harry...
I have the funniest feeling...
- Harry?
- What is it?
You're not one of those spies
who gets blown up, are you?
- Whaddya talking about?
- We're being followed.
You at it again? Who's following us?
Aunt Minnie from Manchuria?
I don't know their names but they've been
behind us ever since we left the hotel.
Are you sure?
They are fingering trinkets
at the purple booth.
Purple booth?
Why is it that people who follow people
always end up fingering trinkets?
I don't know,
but they're fingering trinkets, all right.
Come with me.
Nicole?
Nicole?
Hello!
Could I have a drink of something, please?
D'you know you've been gone
20 minutes?
D'you know you have very nice eyes
for a man who never smiles.
- Where you been?
- Moving in and out of car doors.
D'you realise what sort of place this is?
You could be bought and sold
for half a crown.
- Are you worried about me?
- Not at all.
I was worried about losing those two men.
That's where you weren't being
tricky enough.
I let them follow me back to the taxi.
I got into the back seat of the taxi and
I told the driver to drive away.
They got into their car
and followed the taxi
only they didn't suspect that I've been
to the cinema many times
and knew to crawl out of the other side of
the taxi before my driver even left
which means that their car is
still following my taxi.
I forgot to tell you, I found Emile.
You what?
He said please tell Harry everything is all right,
I have made the delivery.
I don't know what it means
but it must be very good, huh?
You are the most infuriating person
I have ever met in my life.
But Harry! My drink, I'm thirsty!
The message desk please.
This is Sir Harold Dean.
Are there any messages, please?
"May your stay in Dammuz
be all you have ever desired"
Harry Dean, you are a major
confusion to me.
- Are you absolutely sure?
- Absolutely.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
I never would have thought you were
the type to send a lady flowers.
You're one of those people who lives in spurts,
aren't you?
Spurts?
I know all about it.
It has to do with emotional contradiction.
A psychologist tried to explain...
Don't you ever simply come to the point
about things?
Well, the point is simply...
I find it touching that you sent me
a bouquet of flowers.
Rule of thumb... Always read both sides.
Compliments of the management.
- I'm sorry.
- I'm sor...
Sir Harold Dean?
Yes?
Oh, thank you.
"Mr. Ahmad Shahbandar requests
the pleasure of the company
"of Sir Harold and Lady Dean
to luncheon at one..."
Luncheon?
I don't want to go to luncheon,
I want to go to dinner.
"At the Osiris"... what the hell's that?
I don't want lunch at the Osiris.
I want to see his apartment.
Something else gone wrong, Harry?
No no, everything's fine, thanks.
Then why are you standing there like
a wounded basset hound?
Oh, yes, yes, very helpful, very.
All I'm trying to say is I know what it's like
when things don't go right.
Maybe I can help you, Harry,
if you'll only let me try.
Look, I happen to have a foolproof plan
and the only way you can help me
is by doing the right thing
when you meet Shahbandar.
Speak when you're spoken to,
smile if he makes a joke.
Always use the right knife and fork
and if you don't know
which one to use watch me
and never under any circumstances
talk about your psychologist
and his emotional contradictions.
Understand?
Yes, Harry.
Lady Dean, I'm Ahmad Shahbandar.
- Sir Harold.
- How do you do?
I'm so pleased you were able
to accept my invitation.
My pleasure. Always ready
to discuss the oil situation.
- I presume that's why we're here.
- Oil?
Yes.
Ah, yes, of course.
A favourite subject of mine.
There is nothing like discussing
a favourite subject
with someone from the old school
is there?
So true.
Who was headmaster in your day,
Sir Harold?
Headmaster?
Of the old school... your Etonian tie.
Ah, yes, er... what was his name now?
Nasty old chap. Name began with an "m".
What a perfectly lovely setting for luncheon,
Mr. Shahbandar.
Thank you. Shall we be seated?
Lady Dean? Sir Harold.
You know, Mr. Shahbandar,
you are not at all what I expected.
No?
No, I expected a monocle, a fez
and a high fancy collar perhaps.
You're nothing like the pictures I've seen of you.
What you speak of is the public
Shahbandar or was.
I discovered early in life, Lady Dean,
that newspaper people prefer to think
of rich men as eccentrics.
I encourage that fallacy and
manage to retain my privacy.
Chinese?
Yes, Ming Dynasty.
- Are you fond of amber, Sir Harold?
- Yes, I've always been fond of amber.
Then you must know what the Chinese
say about it.
Oh, yes. How does that go now?
Amber is the soul of the tiger
turned to stone.
Why do you fly the multi-coloured flag,
Mr. Shahbandar?
Is it a special occasion?
A very special occasion.
Not only are you my guests,
but it is the feast day of Ali Hadjj.
Perhaps you know the legend.
It's the story of a young boy, Ali Hadjj,
who was given 3 wishes.
His first wish was for good health,
his second for great happiness
and the third was for great wealth,
I suppose.
- It always is with these wish things.
- Not always, Sir Harold.
Ali Hadjj considered health and happiness
all the riches he required
and so he gave his third wish
to the people
that all who are in Dammuz on this day,
today should have one wish come true.
Even our guests may have a wish.
What a perfect day to have arrived
in Dammuz.
Have you made a wish, Mr. Shahbandar?
Not yet, but I will.
You, Sir Harold.
Have you a wish for today?
Well, I suppose I shall have to
give that some thought.
What a careful man you are.
Lady Dean.
Yes, yes, I do.
I've just thought of
something I'd like to wish.
I wish that the public Mr. Shahbandar
would permit my husband
and myself the honour
of a further glimpse of
the private Mr. Shahbandar.
We understand that your apartment is magnificent,
don't we, Harold?
Quite.
My apartment?
Yes.
You wish to see it.
Could we?
That is a wish I can easily grant any time.
Well... what a lovely day.
"Dean... Sir Harold Everett
6th Baronet OBE JP born 1892."
Bit elderly for our man I should think.
"Dean, Sir Harold Bingley Roger
KCB KBE Lieutenant General retired."
Read on.
"Dean, Sir Harold de Vere Morgan KCMG
British Ambassador to the Netherlands."
Well, so much for his title.
I doubt if he's listed in
any other record books either.
Certainly not at Eton.
He's an impostor.
Obviously.
Well, what does he want?
At the moment he wants
to see my apartment.
Go and fetch them, Abdul.
I've invited them to tea.
Ahmad, what on earth for?
Come, come!
Have you no sense of... curiosity?
This couple have staged an elaborate and
no doubt costly production for my benefit.
I wouldn't dream of missing
the second half of the performance.
The performance? Or her?
You must occasionally leave me
my little secrets, Abdul.
Go and fetch them.
- Your cufflink, Sir Harold.
- Thank you.
Is there something that puzzles you,
Sir Harold?
No, it's just that I imagined
it would be quite different.
Thank you, Abdul. Different?
Well, as a matter of fact
it was different, yes.
I remember a few years back
in a moment of weakness
I permitted an American magazine
to photograph it all.
As soon as the pictures were published
I completely redecorated.
The private Mr. Shahbandar
versus the public one.
Partly, yes.
In any case contemporary furnishing
gives a better setting for my art collection
of which perhaps you have heard.
I chose this room for my paintings.
You will find a somewhat varied selection
from the chiaroscuro of the Dutch masters
to the symbolic fantasy of
Chagall, Matisse... Picasso.
Yes, very nice, very nice indeed.
Is this your entire collection,
Mr. Shahbandar?
No, I have other things in other rooms.
You approve, Lady Dean?
Oh, very much.
It's one of his earlier paintings, isn't it?
Yes, it is.
Ah, interesting.
Picasso... and one of his best
I always think.
Er... oh, the blue period.
Yes, 1906.
Was it 1906 or was it 1907?
No, I think perhaps you're right. 1906.
I must congratulate you, Lady Dean,
on your knowledge of art.
Thank you.
One rarely sees so many originals.
They must be worth thousands.
- Hundreds of thousands.
- Yes.
And you, Sir Harold.
Have you any special favourites?
I beg your pardon?
Have you any special favourites?
Ah, well, it's difficult to say.
I really must confess that
my great weakness is sculpture.
- Is it?
- Yes.
Then we have something in common,
Sir Harold.
My greatest treasure is
a piece of sculpture.
Oh, really?
Would you care to see it?
It would be nice, wouldn't it?
Remarkable, isn't it?
Remarkable.
I mean the likeness.
Yes, it's really quite extraordinary.
An almost unbelievable coincidence.
I thought it would surprise you.
It did me, when I first set eyes on you,
Lady Dean.
This is the Empress Lissu.
It is said that Marco Polo found her
in China and brought her to Rome.
She is the most magnificent example
of early Chinese art.
What are you thinking?
Thinking?
I mean what do you think, Lady Dean,
about my most prized possession?
I'm stunned.
They said when the Empress was alive
there would never be another
to match her beauty
nor her purity
and yet it seems that...
Is it very valuable?
Priceless, yes.
My friends believe I paid
such an enormous sum for it
because of its uncanny resemblance
to my late wife.
Aren't you afraid of it being stolen?
Not really, Lady Dean,
although her original owner is supposed
to have kept 100 guards
to watch over her day and night.
Stretch out your hand, Lady Dean,
as if to touch her.
My hand?
Yes.
I'm so sorry to have shocked you.
You can release the doors now.
You see, Lady Dean,
in this modern age a simple electronic
device is all the protection necessary.
See those little lights round the edges?
Each is an electronic eye that sends
a ray down to these receptacles on the floor.
I love gadgets.
This one isn't particularly ingenious but
it's good enough, don't you think?
At the risk of appearing bad mannered,
Mr. Shahbandar,
I wonder if I might have a drink.
But, of course. Please.
It's difficult to tear oneself away,
is it not, Sir Harold?
Practically impossible.
Now what may I offer you, Sir Harold?
A little cocktail or something stronger?
Lady Dean, some tea?
I won't, thank you.
We've taken quite enough of your time already.
- We should be going, Harold.
- You have an engagement?
No hurry, darling.
We're not catching any trains.
I'll have a whisky and soda, please, and
I'm sure Lady Dean would love some tea.
Good.
Milk?
Thank you.
You know, Lady Dean, I have not yet
made my wish for Ali Hadjj.
It is my wish that you will both be
my guests for dinner tonight.
I'd love to show you our city especially
today in its most colourful moment.
Impossible, I'm afraid.
I'm expecting some important telephone calls this evening.
I see. Pity.
It seems that my wish cannot come true.
Yes, it is a shame. Cheers!
Oh, now, wait a minute!
You can have half a wish.
There's no reason why
Nicole shouldn't enjoy herself.
- Perhaps Lady Dean would...
- Nonsense!
She'd love to go with you,
wouldn't you, Nicole?
You've made my wish come true,
Mr. Shahbandar.
I'd be delighted to do the same for you.
Thank you, Lady Dean, I'm honoured.
Now I think I will have a drink.
Sir Harold, to whatever you may
wish for yourself today.
I've got him! I've really got him!
I held out the bait, he bit and I hooked him.
As for you, you were absolutely marvellous,
much better than I expected.
Fancy you knowing all about Matisse,
Chagall, the Dutch masters
and their Blue period and all that.
You're great. Absolutely great.
As for that stuff about the Chinese jade
and the proverbs
I don't know how you thought of it all.
I bet you do know all about dragons,
don't you?
What's the matter with you then?
I asked you right at the start if this job
was honest and you said yes.
On the contrary: I said do I look like
a crook and you said yes,
so I took it for granted that you knew
it wasn't exactly honest.
I didn't expect tea at Buckingham Palace
but I never dreamed you'd think of
getting me involved in something
like stealing that statue.
If you're gonna break the law
you might as well do it properly.
And what do you think you're doing?
Leaving.
Oh, really?
I don't like being lied to and
taken advantage of
and I don't like crooks.
We made a deal remember?
I'm paying you $5,000 for this.
A lot of good that'll do me in jail.
Nobody's going to jail.
I've worked it out perfectly.
It'll have to work perfectly without me.
If I'm as terrible as that why did you
accept Shahbandar's invitation...
Me accept it?
You didn't give me a chance to refuse.
And while we're on the subject,
don't you underestimate him.
Or me! A lot of money's been spent
on this operation
what with aeroplane fares, hotels,
most of my clothes,
all of yours, including that dress.
You can have them all back
including the dress I'm wearing.
Besides I'm saving you $5,000 by leaving.
So after all this time and all I've done for you,
you're leaving me in the lurch.
I'm getting out of here as quickly as I can.
If you had any brains, you'd do the same.
I'm not leaving. If you don't want to fulfill
your obligations, that's just too bad.
I'll do it alone.
And put those hangers back.
I'm sure I have something for you.
I have this.
No, no, no, that's too big.
We have this.
How about this?
Is this for sale?
Yes, it is.
I'll take that.
Would you wrap it up for me, please?
I'll take these as well.
Here you are, sir. Lighter fuel.
Yup. Do you have lighter fuel
in a glass bottle?
Yes, bottle? Yes.
Bottle, sir.
That's it. How much is that?
Two francs.
You said you were leaving.
I have a dinner engagement.
I thought you'd changed your mind
about dinner.
I changed it back again.
Oh? Why?
Because when you come right down to it
I can't bear the thought of you spending
the next 20 years in an Arab jail
even though you are a crook.
D'you know,
that's the nicest thing anybody...
ever said to me.
I don't doubt it.
If you're going to have dinner
with Shahbandar
why are you wearing that dress
with your hair down?
This is my dress and I like it
and I think Mr. Shahbandar is going to
like it and the way I've done my hair
whether you like it or not.
Do you understand?
I like the way you look, Nicole.
Thank you.
Mr. Shahbandar's compliments, my lady.
Exquisite.
If I may say so, Lady Dean,
your husband is very foolish
to be so dedicated to his work.
My husband is an ambitious man.
With him his work comes first.
And the idle shall benefit.
You must forgive me,
not offering you a cocktail
but I thought you might wish to see
something of our city before the sun sets.
Oh, I'd like that.
Then shall we go?
No... this way, please.
I have a few surprises for you first.
Speaking of surprises
I thought it rather strange you didn't know
of the likeness between you and my Lissu.
Is there any reason why I should have?
Perhaps not.
Your husband seemed to know.
He took it so calmly when I showed him the Lissu.
My husband never shows his emotions.
He's English, you know.
Ah, yes, of course. The English.
Now this room will interest you.
It's unique of its kind.
As you already gathered this afternoon,
Lady Dean, I have a passion for gadgets.
Are you ready?
Am I ready for what?
Watch.
We are going up one floor.
I'm so disappointed
Sir Harold isn't with us.
I'm sure he would have liked seeing
the city in this way.
Business affairs so often prevent us from
really enjoying ourselves, don't they.
You don't mind flying, I hope.
But of course not. You must have flown
thousands of miles with your husband.
Hundreds of thousands.
Thank you.
Mr. Shahbandar's apartment, please.
This is Sir Harold Dean.
Could I speak to Lady Dean, please?
Oh, she has. All right, thank you.
Oh, by the way,
does Mr. Shahbandar own a helicopter?
Oh, he does.
What you see now is something of
a potpourri of past and present.
There is so much to become acquainted
with here.
Is there a chance
your husband's business
will keep him in town
longer than he thinks?
Oh, no, I don't think so.
Perhaps we'll stay longer next time.
I hope you will.
We're going to land over there
by those trees.
I have a car waiting to take us to
the old quarters where the festivities are.
It is always like this
on the feast of Ali Hadjj.
Everybody's happy hoping
his wish will come true.
Buy a scroll, effendi,
buy the scroll of Ali Hadjj
to bring much luck and good fortune
to you and to your lady.
Luck and good fortune to you
and of course to Sir Harold.
Lady Dean, may I present Colonel Salim?
Colonel Salim, Lady Dean.
How do you do?
I asked Colonel Salim to join us
because I thought your husband would
be happier if we were chaperoned.
No one could make a more suitable
chaperone than the Colonel.
He's our Chief of Police.
Oh, really?
How interesting.
Salim and I have been friends for years.
We have many interests in common.
He also shares my enthusiasm
for gadgets.
In fact it was he who helped me to perfect
all those little electronic devices
to protect my paintings and sculpture.
One of these days we hope
to test them out.
Don't we, Salim?
If you'll excuse me for one moment
I'll be right back.
Hotel Semiramis, please.
Fire! Fire!
There's a fire! Quick! Quick! Look!
There's a fire there, look.
Get the extinguisher. Come on quickly.
Harry?
Harry?
Harry.
What are you doing
in Shahbandar's bedroom?
It goes up and down.
- What does?
- The bedroom. It's one of his gadgets.
- It goes all the way to the roof...
- Why are you dressed like that?
- I just left Shahbandar in the rest...
- Shhh!
I sneaked out and got ready to leave.
He's planning some dreadful trap for you.
There's a fire escape out here.
We can get out this way.
If you think I'm going to pack it in now,
you must be mad.
Harry, be sensible.
He'll be here any minute.
Shut up!
You'll never get through there, Harry.
If you're so determined to go through with this,
why don't you let me help you?
I can get through there now.
You sure?
Go on then.
You're a clever girl and I love you.
Get out. I'll meet you at the airport.
To the airport, please.
Very bright.
Bring them back.
Thank you very much.
Just a minute.
There are police everywhere.
We can't leave together.
Here's your ticket and passport.
They'll never recognise you on your own.
I'll meet you in Hong Kong.
- What about you?
- Don't worry about me.
I'm taking another route.
It's all been arranged. See you.
Go on!
Go on!
20 francs, please, sir. Airport tax.
Immigration is to your left, sir.
Passport and ticket, please.
Which is your luggage Miss er... Chang?
No luggage.
That will be 10 francs, please.
Airport tax.
Immigration is over there.
Your plane will be leaving in 15 minutes.
Through that door.
Have a good trip, Miss Chang.
One moment, Miss Chang.
Good morning.
You look a little different this morning.
Come and sit down.
I trust you slept well.
You must forgive my not waiting
but I breakfast rather early.
There is fresh fruit and juices,
coffee and rolls.
Strange, is it not,
how we spend time with people
and still can't be certain
what they are really like.
So many of us posing as one thing
in reality being something quite different.
Your young man for instance
fashioning himself as some sort of
clever high-society burglar.
He didn't play his part very well, did he?
He got away but he'll be caught.
While you have been sleeping
my people in London have been learning
precisely who and where he is.
One telephone call to Hong Kong
can have Mr. Dean shackled and
flying back here within a few hours.
However...
as I...
as I took you and your friend rather too
lightly and played a game with you
and lost.
I'll put off making that telephone call.
Instead I have decided that
you will go on to Hong Kong
and tell Mr. Dean that unless
my Lissu is returned
he will be apprehended and
punished for his crime.
Punished severely, I assure you.
That's all I have to say.
Perhaps reading this dossier
will be an inducement for you
to help put an immediate end
to this ridiculous crime spree of his.
Thank you.
Goodbye... Nicole.
The Lissu will now always
remind me of you
when I get her back.
- Where the devil have you been?
- Oh, Harry!
I've met every plane for the past 48 hours.
Listen to me.
- A message from Shahbandar.
- Forget Shahbandar.
You can't forget Shahbandar because
he's not going to forget you.
- Forget Shahbandar.
- You must send the head back.
- I can't send the head back.
- Well, you must.
Shahbandar knows you're here
and has people watching you now.
- I didn't steal it.
- Don't joke with me.
I am not joking with you.
I didn't steal the head.
You don't seem to understand.
He can have you shackled and flown back
on a plane to Dammuz within the hour.
I'll bet you $5,000 and a British passport
that I didn't steal the head.
"The smile of the Buddha covers
a multitude of sins. Stop.
"Shall we call it a draw? Harry Dean."
It arrived a few hours ago.
Now look.
There's nothing inside. I've checked.
Welcome back.
You know, Salim,
I don't consider myself an unintelligent man
but for the life of me, I can't understand
why they should go to
all this trouble and expense
in order not to steal it.
The answer is very simple.
We needed the publicity
and we got it,
all over the world.
Publicity? For what?
I'll tell you.
Two years ago, for insurance purposes,
Shahbandar commissioned Emile
to make a copy of the Lissu.
Now Emile is something of a genius when
it comes to copying the work of others
so does he stop at making one copy?
You bet your life he doesn't.
He makes a second copy.
A reproduction that is so perfect it is
impossible to tell it from the original.
It is my finest work.
I found clay 2,000 years old in Mongolia.
I used the same tools, the same method
of baking as they did in ancient times.
Every art expert in the world will believe
that this is the original.
And what happens when Shahbandar
announces he has it back?
We have 3 definite offers from people who
don't care what Shahbandar announces
because they believe that Shahbandar
has a copy and this is the original.
Who thought up this whole idea?
He did.
Who paid for it? Who financed it?
He did.
Of all the nasty, low-down, underhanded,
despicable tricks
you're not even honest enough
to be crooks.
Now hold on a minute.
You hold on a minute, Harry Tristan Dean.
You've done your best
to turn me into a thief
now you'll turn me into a swindler.
Maybe you'd like to lead a life of crime
but count me out.
- Who told you my name was Tristan?
- I know lots about you.
Nobody knows my name is Tristan.
Your father's name was Eric,
mother's name was Mary
you grew up on the London docks
and ran away from home at 17 to join the navy.
You've never been married.
You had your tonsils out...
- Who told you my name was Tristan?
- It was in Shahbandar's dossier.
You won the pingpong championship
during the Korean war.
You've never been in jail and
never even been arrested
so this is probably your first crime.
There's lots more I'd like to know
about you, Harry Tristan Dean,
but if you insist on this ridiculous
crime spree what's the point? Excuse me.
Nicole! Stop!
What for?
I'll show you something.
I'm sorry, Emile.
I suppose this is the end of a...
beautiful friendship.
Well, I'll help pay for
the cost of everything.
Goodbye.
Forgive me if you can.
I do love you.
Come on.
I'm sorry, Emile.
It's for the best.
I'm sure you can find something honest
to do with all that Mongolian clay.
Emile Fournier speaking.
Yes. Come at once.
I'm gonna spread my wings
and fly right out to you
For much too long this
little bird's been blue
I need a great big handsome male
to muss my feathers and pet my tail
and be with me so we can bill and coo
I'm gonna spread my wings
and fly so far away
till I find the nest
that's best for me to stay
so tell the robin and tell the dove that
little miss blue bird's fallen in love
and sings all day cos everything's OK
so tell the robin and tell the dove that
little miss blue bird's fallen in love
and sings all day cos everything's OK
Here she is.
What do you think?
Perfect! Perfect!
Would she cooperate?
A girl making 50 Hong Kong cents a dance?
Of course she'll cooperate.
Now... pay close attention.
Dean's the name, Harry Dean.
May I present Emile Fournier,
art dealer and connoisseur.
Enchant mademoiselle.
Won't you sit down?
How would you like to make
5,000 dollars?
Not Hong Kong...
Five thousand United States
of America dollars.
That's five... zero... zero...
zero.
Good morning! My name is Dean...
Harold Dean.
Ah, Sir Harold, welcome to Dammuz.
I am JK Ram, the manager of
the Semiramis Hotel.
Good of you to meet us, Ram.
This is Lady Dean.
Ah, yes, Lady Dean.
I have a car for you, Sir Harold.
Ah, yes.
- If you will be good enough to follow me.
- Yes, now about our luggage, old boy.
We don't want to lose that now, do we?
Of course not, Sir Harold.
Your luggage will be sent down to you later at the hotel.
- Thank you very much indeed.
- Not at all, Sir Harold.
Are you not coming with us?
No, I've one or two details to attend to.
I shall have the honour to see
you later at the hotel.
Connect me with
Mr. Shahbandar's private telephone immediately.
That is what I said... immediately.
Hello? Abdul?
Sir Harold and Lady Dean, sir.
Of course. Good morning, sir.
Good morning.
The royal suite is all ready for you.
- If you would care to register, Sir Harold?
- Thank you.
Where can I cash
a traveller's cheque, please?
- At the cashiers, of course.
- Thank you.
- If I may have your passport, Sir Harold.
- Yes.
Only a formality.
We will return them immediately.
Please conduct Sir Harold and
Lady Dean to the royal suite.
This way, Sir Harold.
"Pictorial's visit to
the richest man in the world.
"An exclusive look at the shyest billionaire
"and his exotic hotel-apartment hideaway.
"Several times a year, mostly holidays,
"Ahmad Shahbandar,
believed by many to be the wealthiest man in the world
"journeys to Dammuz
"and to his exotic penthouse
in the world famous Hotel Semiramis."
Sit down, love, sit down.
"While his less exclusive countrymen
make merry in the Casbah-flavoured city
"this latter day Arabian knight
locks himself into his fortress
"to which only his most intimate associates
have ever been invited."
We are going to change all that.
Take a look at this.
That's Shahbandar
twenty years ago.
Now... take a look at the girl.
That's why you're here.
She died a year after they married.
He never married again.
When he hears about you,
he'll want to see you.
That means he has to see me.
The invitation should arrive any minute.
Come in.
What is it, Ram?
A very great honour, Sir Harold.
You are invited to take cocktails
this evening at 6 o'clock
in the apartment of
Mr. Ahmad Shahbandar.
Oh? Who's he?
Ahmad Shahbandar?
He owns this hotel, sir.
He owns most of Dammuz.
Oh, he does, does he?
Well, fancy that now.
Well, yes, I suppose I can fit him in.
Can you occupy yourself, my dear,
while I have a drink with this... Shah chappie?
Oh, no, Sir Harold.
The invitation is also for the Lady Dean.
Most assuredly for the Lady Dean.
Oh, really? All right then.
May I then come to collect you
at ten minutes to six, sir?
Ten minutes to six it shall be, dear boy.
4279 please.
Hello?
Oh, hello, it's Harold Dean speaking.
It is me, Emile.
Have you made the delivery?
Yes, I have made the delivery.
Thank you, goodbye.
You must bear in mind at all times
this image of his wife is
Shahbandar's lifelong obsession.
For 20 years he has never looked
at another woman.
All he has ever wanted
was a facsimile of her.
Remember that.
That'll be, Ram.
One last thing.
At 11:30, no matter where you are,
no matter what you're doing, leave it.
Go to the airport. Be there by midnight.
The plane leaves at 12:30.
Come in.
Ten minutes to six, Sir Harold.
Mr. Shahbandar awaits your presence.
We're right with you, dear boy.
Sir Harold, Lady Dean, if you'll follow me.
- Lead on, dear boy!
- Thank you so much.
There is only one entrance to
Mr. Shahbandar's apartments
through his personal elevator
which was brought all the way from Paris
in his own personal aircraft.
Then as you can see he has
his own personal bodyguard.
If you'll be so kind, Lady Dean...
Sir Harold.
If you will permit me,
I shall now send the lift.
This mechanism is a little slow
but I believe we shall arrive
with perfect punctuality.
One moment.
I've dropped my cufflink down the lift shaft.
Goodness gracious!
Well, I shall get it later, sir.
Not later, dear boy, now.
Mr. Shahbandar does not like
to be kept waiting.
And I don't like to walk about half naked.
Why am I being kept waiting?
Try to be patient, effendi.
The British aristocracy insist on arriving
too early or too late but never on time.
And while we are waiting would you care
to make a decision about the Buddha?
What?
I promised him an early reply.
How much?
Only $5,000, extremely inexpensive.
All right, all right, buy it.
It has to be down there somewhere,
doesn't it?
Don't worry, Ram, we'll find it.
Ah... very nice.
Very nice indeed.
How many Rolls does
Mr. Shahbandar own?
Three sir: This one, the black one there...
and a new white one.
And how does one move these cars
in and out of here?
In the usual manner, sir...
through the door.
That is the door.
Goodness gracious!
It looks more like a safety curtain.
Here is the cufflink, Sir Harold.
It was quite undamaged.
Good! I knew we'd find it.
Shall we go now, Sir Harold? Lady Dean?
Come along, darling.
- Could you fix this for me, dear boy?
- It would be my pleasure, Sir Harold.
- Thank you.
- You are most welcome, Sir Harold.
- Ah! Sir Harold, may I present to you...
- Ah, Mr. Shahbandar!
I am Mr. Shahbandar's secretary.
I am sorry.
Welcome Sir Harold... my lady.
This way, please.
Darling?
If you'll just make yourselves comfortable,
Mr. Shahbandar will here in a moment.
Thank you.
Sir Harold, how kind of you to come.
How do you do? May I present my wife?
Please be seated.
May I offer you some refreshment?
Perhaps a little champagne.
That'd be splendid.
Aren't you going to join us?
We are not permitted alcohol.
I expect you're wondering why
I wanted to meet you.
The thought had crossed my mind.
I presumed you wanted a chat
about the world oil situation.
A remarkable thing has happened.
You might even call it a... miracle.
I don't know quite how to...
how to explain it.
You have a very beautiful wife, sir.
Have you been married long?
Four years.
You are fortunate.
I was married for only one year.
It was a wonderful year but...
it passed so quickly
and then she was gone.
May I show you something...
- something quite extraordinary?
- Certainly!
Please come with me.
Always interested in seeing
something extraordinary.
This is my office and library.
This way please.
I must say, Mr. Shahbandar,
you have some beautiful things.
This for instance.
Chinese, isn't it?
That's right, yes.
You see?
This bust is of the Empress Lissu.
She was born in Burma 2,300 years ago.
The daughter of a Burmese mother
and a Greek father.
She married the Emperor of China
when she was 12 years old.
I believe I gave the highest price ever
for a work of art but that is not important.
You see I had to have her
because the face of the Lissu...
is the image of my late wife
and now...
you understand now what I meant...
by a miracle.
It's incredible!
It's absolutely amazing!
At the risk of appearing bad mannered,
Mr. Shahbandar,
I wonder if I might have
another glass of champagne.
- Of course.
- Come, darling.
Indeed, now that you realise
why I wanted to meet your wife.
I hope you'll have more
than a glass of champagne.
I'd be greatly honoured if
you would dine with me.
Now take, Hutton.
There's a cricketer for you.
They knighted him, you know.
Jolly well deserved it too.
Most people, you know, think cricket is
solely for the Australians and the English
but let me tell you this, Shahbandar,
the West Indians are playing better
than we are at the moment.
I don't think they'll beat the Australians.
They are dedicated sort of chaps.
Goodness gracious! It's ten o'clock.
Nicole, my dear, we really must be going.
Going? But...
Must you really?
- It is early. Could I not persuade you...
- Things to do, Shahbandar, things to do.
I have to call London,
might even have to call New York, dammit.
I'm afraid your trip to the Arab quarter
has been knocked for six, my dear.
I had promised Lady Dean
a tour of your city
but I'm afraid I don't have
the time right now.
Well it's been a delightful evening
and we've thoroughly enjoyed it.
Come along, darling.
Sir Harold, I hope you won't
consider it presumptuous...
I'm not quite sure how
to suggest this but...
I would consider it an honour
and a privilege
if you would allow me to show
Lady Dean, our beautiful city.
That's very kind of you, Shahbandar,
but it's far too much trouble.
But I insist, please.
With your permission of course.
Ah...
Very well then and
thank you for your generosity.
Well, I suppose that just leaves me
to say goodnight.
Thanks awfully for a wonderful evening.
Goodnight, darling.
Oh, and please bear in mind that
Lady Dean does value her rest.
Don't be too late, darling.
Toodle-oo!
There's a ticket to Hong Kong
there's a passport made out
in the name of Lady Dean to get you out of here
and there's $5,000.
Your plane leaves in 15 minutes.
Goodbye and thank you
for your cooperation.
And that's the plan, Emile,
down to the very last detail.
It can't fail. It's absolutely foolproof.
If it works the way you think it will work.
It works. They'll write us up in books.
We'll be historical.
What do you know about her?
Her name's Nicole Chang.
French-Canadian mother,
Eurasian father.
- Displaced person.
- Stateless.
What makes you so sure
she will cooperate?
Instinct, Emile, instinct.
Emile Fournier,
art dealer and connoisseur, may I present...
I wanted you to follow me.
So you did.
Well, why are you standing here?
I thought you wanted to dance.
No, no, I want you to meet
this friend of mine.
Oh, he wants to dance.
- Is he shy?
- No, we want to talk to you.
No kidding! What about?
Well, it's about...
Let me put it this way: If you would do me
the honour of accepting my invitation.
I assure you, we will tell you.
Now since you put it so gallantly,
Mr. Dean, I can hardly refuse, can I?
You're so very kind.
Emile Fournier,
art dealer and connoisseur, may I present...
- Nicole Chang.
- Enchant mademoiselle.
- Enchant.
- Vous parlez Franais.
No, not really. Just a few phrases.
I know one German limerick.
Yeah, will you sit down... please?
Sorry.
Is there any particular subject
you'd like to talk about?
How would you like to make
five thousand dollars?
Now that's a terrific subject.
I happen to be perfectly serious.
Serious is as serious does, Mr. Dean.
Then I will ask the question again,
Miss Chang.
How would you like to make
five thousand dollars?
Very serious American dollars.
And a genuine guaranteed
British passport.
What would I have to do?
Oh, nothing too difficult.
Slide into some beautiful clothes,
travel in first-class luxury,
be entertained in top-notch style,
pretend to be my wife
Oh... pretend?
Yes.
Just pretend,
Miss Chang.
What's the catch, Mr. Dean?
Is it dishonest?
Do I look like a crook?
You do a little.
Right here on this side of his cheek
a kind of crooked indentation
all the way up to his eye.
Yes, you do look like a crook.
But then again you can't tell
the crooks from the good guys any more, can you?
I mean with all the secret stuff going on.
Genuine guaranteed British passport?
Then I'll do it.
This way to immigration please.
Watch your step.
Immigration this way please.
Will you please step this way?
I thought you said
there'd be a Rolls Royce.
It'll be out front.
Do hurry please,
you are holding up the line.
This way to customs please.
Have your baggage checks ready, thank you.
Thank you.
This way to customs please.
Have your baggage checks ready.
I happen to be Sir Harold Dean.
Isn't there some way of avoiding...
It's an international custom, Harry.
Everyone has to do it.
Will you wait for me by the exit, darling?
Yes, Harry.
It is forbidden to take tips, effendi.
It's not a tip, dear boy, it's a bribe.
That's quite another matter.
I shall move you through very quickly and
have your bags taken directly to the taxi.
No need for a taxi, dear boy.
There'll be a Rolls Royce waiting for me outside.
Do aeroplanes bother you?
No.
When you go from air travel to ground travel
it can affect your equilibrium.
My equilibrium is fine, thank you.
You're not still mad because
I wore this dress instead of the red one, are you?
It is better for travelling...
Yes, you explained all that
at Hong Kong airport.
So I did.
Well, I met this Norwegian ship's captain once...
I think he was from Oslo
and he had a theory about motion sickness,
something to do with
the relationship between your vision
and the weight of your shoes.
He said he made a study
of things like that.
Isn't it interesting how some people
get attracted to things?
You know, I've come to realise
in the past two weeks
that you're a very difficult man to know.
I wish we'd come by boat.
I say, would you tell Mr. Ram,
that Sir Harold and Lady Dean would like...
Step to the reception desk, sir.
They'll take care of you there.
Well, if I were you,
I'd send it direct to his company.
I say.
Yes, sir.
My name is Sir Harold Dean.
Why wasn't my limousine at the airport?
Sorry, it is no longer the policy of this hotel
to send a limousine to the airport.
All right. Get me your manager, Mr. Ram.
Mr. Ram is not with us any more, sir.
I suppose you do have
a suite reserved for me.
- Yes, of course.
- Oh, really.
If you'll be good enough to register, please.
Thank you.
My key to room 325, please.
I shall be needing your passports,
Sir Gerald.
- It's Harold, with an "h".
- Oh, yes, of course.
816 and 7.
This way, sir.
Is something else missing, Harry?
No, nothing.
- Thank you.
- Shukran.
- Thank you.
- Shukran ya seede.
Harry, it's like a palace!
I never thought I'd be standing
in a place like this.
Don't you think it's a palace too?
Yes.
You know what it reminds me of?
Mrs. Peonski.
Did I ever tell you about Mrs. Peonski?
I should think so.
You told me about all the other chaps.
She's not a chap. She's an old woman.
She came from Poland on a cattle boat
and rode all the way from Burma
to Thailand on an ox.
Ah, here it is.
And all she had with her was
a small paper sack.
Full of soap I hope.
4279, please.
Will you play a little quieter, Nicole?
Nicole!
Whenever I think of Mrs. Peonski,
I appreciate luxury more.
- I'm going into the bedroom now.
- Promise?
Yes, 4279 please.
Hello, Emile?
Who is this?
That call is for me.
Hello?
Operator, would you get me, 4279 again, please?
I think there's been a mistake.
It can't possibly be busy.
Would you, please, keep trying?
There's only one bed in here, Harry.
Where are you going to sleep?
Sleep?
Nobody's going to sleep anywhere.
If things'll start going properly,
we'll be outta here by midnight.
Midnight?
D'you mean we came all this way just to leave at midnight?
That's right.
Oh, I think I'm entitled to know a little more
of what's going on, don't you?
Funny you should say that.
I do think that you are entitled to know
a little bit more of what's going on.
Now, here is part 2 of your instructions.
This magazine's ten years old.
Turn to page 41.
Oh! Look at the funny hats they wore then
Harry and the hemlines...
Never mind the hats and hemlines.
Turn to page 41.
37... 38...
Right now.
Take a good hard look at that man.
I'm taking a good hard look.
His name is Ahmad Shahbandar.
Ahmad Shahbandar.
And he's the man, we're here to meet.
He's the man, we're here to meet.
He also happens to be the richest man
in the entire world.
Harry! There's no such thing as
the richest man in the entire world.
It's like the highest stars...
All right, the second richest man
in the entire world
- the 27th, what difference does it make?
- You don't have to get mad at me.
Your mind's always going off
in some sort of tangent.
If it's not one thing it's another.
A ship's captain from Oslo or
your Chinese nurse with a wooden toe
or Mrs. Ponskiwonski's paper ox.
It's not Ponskiwonski,
it's Peonski and it wasn't a paper ox, it was a paper sack.
I can't help it if my mind takes a tangent
every now and then.
Well, it's driving me
round the bloody bend.
All right, all right.
So you've made an appointment with
this richest man in the entire world, is that it?
If you will read the magazine as I ask
you'll see that it does not
make appointments
because he is a recluse.
Well, then why does he want to see us?
A recluse doesn't see anybody, Harry.
That's why... that's why.
Who is this? His wife?
Was his wife. She's dead.
You made me look like this dead lady.
Exactly! And when Shahbandar learns about you,
we will be invited to meet him.
Between now and midnight?
Yes.
And then what?
Whatever it is, Harry,
if I were the richest man in the world
I certainly wouldn't fall for this.
Well, you're not and he will,
and when he does, you just do as you're told
and listen to
the instructions I'm about to give you.
You understand?
Yes, Harry.
I have already taken care of
Oriental Steamship, yes.
They agreed to my price.
Fifteen million... I know.
Any time.
Fifteen million for Oriental Steamship?
Ahmad... you're a genius.
Hardly Abdul, hardly.
You won't forget the Buddha,
Mr. Shahbandar.
Hm?
The Buddha from the Frenchman,
Fournier.
You remember him.
He did an excellent reproduction for us a few years ago.
How much?
Five thousand.
Quite reasonable.
Perhaps too reasonable.
I'll think about it.
Arlette, would you mind leaving us
for a moment?
No, Abdul, if I were a genius
I would understand this.
I would understand exactly why
this particular face...
has arrived at this particular hotel.
They flew TWA from Karachi.
They have a 48-hour visa.
The man is 30 years old,
born in London and he was wearing an Etonian tie.
This is too good to be true.
Imagine my reaction when
I first saw her in the hotel lobby.
The resemblance is absolutely
astounding.
It's like magic.
Perhaps too much like magic.
Have them watched.
Yes, Ahmad.
And at 11:30, no matter where you are,
no matter what you are doing, leave it.
Go to the airport, be there by midnight.
Your plane leaves at 12:30.
I'm supposed to drop everything
no matter where I am.
That's right.
Is that all you're going to tell me?
That's all you have to know.
Now, just follow your instructions
and retire gracefully, right?
Yes, sir.
Hello, this is Sir Harold Dean.
Twenty minutes ago I asked you for 4279.
Now where is it?
Would you mind hurrying, please?
Come with me.
Lady Dean has retired gracefully
and is unpacking.
Will you come with me, please?
- Why? Where are we going?
- We're going to find Emile.
Emile? I thought he was in Hong Kong.
No, he's here.
Will you stop asking questions?
It's only human to be curious, Harry.
Yes, well, as far as I'm concerned
you're far too human.
Vous restez ici quelques minutes
pour moi.
Merci.
Ahem.
Ahem.
Harry...
I have the funniest feeling...
- Harry?
- What is it?
You're not one of those spies
who gets blown up, are you?
- Whaddya talking about?
- We're being followed.
You at it again? Who's following us?
Aunt Minnie from Manchuria?
I don't know their names but they've been
behind us ever since we left the hotel.
Are you sure?
They are fingering trinkets
at the purple booth.
Purple booth?
Why is it that people who follow people
always end up fingering trinkets?
I don't know,
but they're fingering trinkets, all right.
Come with me.
Nicole?
Nicole?
Hello!
Could I have a drink of something, please?
D'you know you've been gone
20 minutes?
D'you know you have very nice eyes
for a man who never smiles.
- Where you been?
- Moving in and out of car doors.
D'you realise what sort of place this is?
You could be bought and sold
for half a crown.
- Are you worried about me?
- Not at all.
I was worried about losing those two men.
That's where you weren't being
tricky enough.
I let them follow me back to the taxi.
I got into the back seat of the taxi and
I told the driver to drive away.
They got into their car
and followed the taxi
only they didn't suspect that I've been
to the cinema many times
and knew to crawl out of the other side of
the taxi before my driver even left
which means that their car is
still following my taxi.
I forgot to tell you, I found Emile.
You what?
He said please tell Harry everything is all right,
I have made the delivery.
I don't know what it means
but it must be very good, huh?
You are the most infuriating person
I have ever met in my life.
But Harry! My drink, I'm thirsty!
The message desk please.
This is Sir Harold Dean.
Are there any messages, please?
"May your stay in Dammuz
be all you have ever desired"
Harry Dean, you are a major
confusion to me.
- Are you absolutely sure?
- Absolutely.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
I never would have thought you were
the type to send a lady flowers.
You're one of those people who lives in spurts,
aren't you?
Spurts?
I know all about it.
It has to do with emotional contradiction.
A psychologist tried to explain...
Don't you ever simply come to the point
about things?
Well, the point is simply...
I find it touching that you sent me
a bouquet of flowers.
Rule of thumb... Always read both sides.
Compliments of the management.
- I'm sorry.
- I'm sor...
Sir Harold Dean?
Yes?
Oh, thank you.
"Mr. Ahmad Shahbandar requests
the pleasure of the company
"of Sir Harold and Lady Dean
to luncheon at one..."
Luncheon?
I don't want to go to luncheon,
I want to go to dinner.
"At the Osiris"... what the hell's that?
I don't want lunch at the Osiris.
I want to see his apartment.
Something else gone wrong, Harry?
No no, everything's fine, thanks.
Then why are you standing there like
a wounded basset hound?
Oh, yes, yes, very helpful, very.
All I'm trying to say is I know what it's like
when things don't go right.
Maybe I can help you, Harry,
if you'll only let me try.
Look, I happen to have a foolproof plan
and the only way you can help me
is by doing the right thing
when you meet Shahbandar.
Speak when you're spoken to,
smile if he makes a joke.
Always use the right knife and fork
and if you don't know
which one to use watch me
and never under any circumstances
talk about your psychologist
and his emotional contradictions.
Understand?
Yes, Harry.
Lady Dean, I'm Ahmad Shahbandar.
- Sir Harold.
- How do you do?
I'm so pleased you were able
to accept my invitation.
My pleasure. Always ready
to discuss the oil situation.
- I presume that's why we're here.
- Oil?
Yes.
Ah, yes, of course.
A favourite subject of mine.
There is nothing like discussing
a favourite subject
with someone from the old school
is there?
So true.
Who was headmaster in your day,
Sir Harold?
Headmaster?
Of the old school... your Etonian tie.
Ah, yes, er... what was his name now?
Nasty old chap. Name began with an "m".
What a perfectly lovely setting for luncheon,
Mr. Shahbandar.
Thank you. Shall we be seated?
Lady Dean? Sir Harold.
You know, Mr. Shahbandar,
you are not at all what I expected.
No?
No, I expected a monocle, a fez
and a high fancy collar perhaps.
You're nothing like the pictures I've seen of you.
What you speak of is the public
Shahbandar or was.
I discovered early in life, Lady Dean,
that newspaper people prefer to think
of rich men as eccentrics.
I encourage that fallacy and
manage to retain my privacy.
Chinese?
Yes, Ming Dynasty.
- Are you fond of amber, Sir Harold?
- Yes, I've always been fond of amber.
Then you must know what the Chinese
say about it.
Oh, yes. How does that go now?
Amber is the soul of the tiger
turned to stone.
Why do you fly the multi-coloured flag,
Mr. Shahbandar?
Is it a special occasion?
A very special occasion.
Not only are you my guests,
but it is the feast day of Ali Hadjj.
Perhaps you know the legend.
It's the story of a young boy, Ali Hadjj,
who was given 3 wishes.
His first wish was for good health,
his second for great happiness
and the third was for great wealth,
I suppose.
- It always is with these wish things.
- Not always, Sir Harold.
Ali Hadjj considered health and happiness
all the riches he required
and so he gave his third wish
to the people
that all who are in Dammuz on this day,
today should have one wish come true.
Even our guests may have a wish.
What a perfect day to have arrived
in Dammuz.
Have you made a wish, Mr. Shahbandar?
Not yet, but I will.
You, Sir Harold.
Have you a wish for today?
Well, I suppose I shall have to
give that some thought.
What a careful man you are.
Lady Dean.
Yes, yes, I do.
I've just thought of
something I'd like to wish.
I wish that the public Mr. Shahbandar
would permit my husband
and myself the honour
of a further glimpse of
the private Mr. Shahbandar.
We understand that your apartment is magnificent,
don't we, Harold?
Quite.
My apartment?
Yes.
You wish to see it.
Could we?
That is a wish I can easily grant any time.
Well... what a lovely day.
"Dean... Sir Harold Everett
6th Baronet OBE JP born 1892."
Bit elderly for our man I should think.
"Dean, Sir Harold Bingley Roger
KCB KBE Lieutenant General retired."
Read on.
"Dean, Sir Harold de Vere Morgan KCMG
British Ambassador to the Netherlands."
Well, so much for his title.
I doubt if he's listed in
any other record books either.
Certainly not at Eton.
He's an impostor.
Obviously.
Well, what does he want?
At the moment he wants
to see my apartment.
Go and fetch them, Abdul.
I've invited them to tea.
Ahmad, what on earth for?
Come, come!
Have you no sense of... curiosity?
This couple have staged an elaborate and
no doubt costly production for my benefit.
I wouldn't dream of missing
the second half of the performance.
The performance? Or her?
You must occasionally leave me
my little secrets, Abdul.
Go and fetch them.
- Your cufflink, Sir Harold.
- Thank you.
Is there something that puzzles you,
Sir Harold?
No, it's just that I imagined
it would be quite different.
Thank you, Abdul. Different?
Well, as a matter of fact
it was different, yes.
I remember a few years back
in a moment of weakness
I permitted an American magazine
to photograph it all.
As soon as the pictures were published
I completely redecorated.
The private Mr. Shahbandar
versus the public one.
Partly, yes.
In any case contemporary furnishing
gives a better setting for my art collection
of which perhaps you have heard.
I chose this room for my paintings.
You will find a somewhat varied selection
from the chiaroscuro of the Dutch masters
to the symbolic fantasy of
Chagall, Matisse... Picasso.
Yes, very nice, very nice indeed.
Is this your entire collection,
Mr. Shahbandar?
No, I have other things in other rooms.
You approve, Lady Dean?
Oh, very much.
It's one of his earlier paintings, isn't it?
Yes, it is.
Ah, interesting.
Picasso... and one of his best
I always think.
Er... oh, the blue period.
Yes, 1906.
Was it 1906 or was it 1907?
No, I think perhaps you're right. 1906.
I must congratulate you, Lady Dean,
on your knowledge of art.
Thank you.
One rarely sees so many originals.
They must be worth thousands.
- Hundreds of thousands.
- Yes.
And you, Sir Harold.
Have you any special favourites?
I beg your pardon?
Have you any special favourites?
Ah, well, it's difficult to say.
I really must confess that
my great weakness is sculpture.
- Is it?
- Yes.
Then we have something in common,
Sir Harold.
My greatest treasure is
a piece of sculpture.
Oh, really?
Would you care to see it?
It would be nice, wouldn't it?
Remarkable, isn't it?
Remarkable.
I mean the likeness.
Yes, it's really quite extraordinary.
An almost unbelievable coincidence.
I thought it would surprise you.
It did me, when I first set eyes on you,
Lady Dean.
This is the Empress Lissu.
It is said that Marco Polo found her
in China and brought her to Rome.
She is the most magnificent example
of early Chinese art.
What are you thinking?
Thinking?
I mean what do you think, Lady Dean,
about my most prized possession?
I'm stunned.
They said when the Empress was alive
there would never be another
to match her beauty
nor her purity
and yet it seems that...
Is it very valuable?
Priceless, yes.
My friends believe I paid
such an enormous sum for it
because of its uncanny resemblance
to my late wife.
Aren't you afraid of it being stolen?
Not really, Lady Dean,
although her original owner is supposed
to have kept 100 guards
to watch over her day and night.
Stretch out your hand, Lady Dean,
as if to touch her.
My hand?
Yes.
I'm so sorry to have shocked you.
You can release the doors now.
You see, Lady Dean,
in this modern age a simple electronic
device is all the protection necessary.
See those little lights round the edges?
Each is an electronic eye that sends
a ray down to these receptacles on the floor.
I love gadgets.
This one isn't particularly ingenious but
it's good enough, don't you think?
At the risk of appearing bad mannered,
Mr. Shahbandar,
I wonder if I might have a drink.
But, of course. Please.
It's difficult to tear oneself away,
is it not, Sir Harold?
Practically impossible.
Now what may I offer you, Sir Harold?
A little cocktail or something stronger?
Lady Dean, some tea?
I won't, thank you.
We've taken quite enough of your time already.
- We should be going, Harold.
- You have an engagement?
No hurry, darling.
We're not catching any trains.
I'll have a whisky and soda, please, and
I'm sure Lady Dean would love some tea.
Good.
Milk?
Thank you.
You know, Lady Dean, I have not yet
made my wish for Ali Hadjj.
It is my wish that you will both be
my guests for dinner tonight.
I'd love to show you our city especially
today in its most colourful moment.
Impossible, I'm afraid.
I'm expecting some important telephone calls this evening.
I see. Pity.
It seems that my wish cannot come true.
Yes, it is a shame. Cheers!
Oh, now, wait a minute!
You can have half a wish.
There's no reason why
Nicole shouldn't enjoy herself.
- Perhaps Lady Dean would...
- Nonsense!
She'd love to go with you,
wouldn't you, Nicole?
You've made my wish come true,
Mr. Shahbandar.
I'd be delighted to do the same for you.
Thank you, Lady Dean, I'm honoured.
Now I think I will have a drink.
Sir Harold, to whatever you may
wish for yourself today.
I've got him! I've really got him!
I held out the bait, he bit and I hooked him.
As for you, you were absolutely marvellous,
much better than I expected.
Fancy you knowing all about Matisse,
Chagall, the Dutch masters
and their Blue period and all that.
You're great. Absolutely great.
As for that stuff about the Chinese jade
and the proverbs
I don't know how you thought of it all.
I bet you do know all about dragons,
don't you?
What's the matter with you then?
I asked you right at the start if this job
was honest and you said yes.
On the contrary: I said do I look like
a crook and you said yes,
so I took it for granted that you knew
it wasn't exactly honest.
I didn't expect tea at Buckingham Palace
but I never dreamed you'd think of
getting me involved in something
like stealing that statue.
If you're gonna break the law
you might as well do it properly.
And what do you think you're doing?
Leaving.
Oh, really?
I don't like being lied to and
taken advantage of
and I don't like crooks.
We made a deal remember?
I'm paying you $5,000 for this.
A lot of good that'll do me in jail.
Nobody's going to jail.
I've worked it out perfectly.
It'll have to work perfectly without me.
If I'm as terrible as that why did you
accept Shahbandar's invitation...
Me accept it?
You didn't give me a chance to refuse.
And while we're on the subject,
don't you underestimate him.
Or me! A lot of money's been spent
on this operation
what with aeroplane fares, hotels,
most of my clothes,
all of yours, including that dress.
You can have them all back
including the dress I'm wearing.
Besides I'm saving you $5,000 by leaving.
So after all this time and all I've done for you,
you're leaving me in the lurch.
I'm getting out of here as quickly as I can.
If you had any brains, you'd do the same.
I'm not leaving. If you don't want to fulfill
your obligations, that's just too bad.
I'll do it alone.
And put those hangers back.
I'm sure I have something for you.
I have this.
No, no, no, that's too big.
We have this.
How about this?
Is this for sale?
Yes, it is.
I'll take that.
Would you wrap it up for me, please?
I'll take these as well.
Here you are, sir. Lighter fuel.
Yup. Do you have lighter fuel
in a glass bottle?
Yes, bottle? Yes.
Bottle, sir.
That's it. How much is that?
Two francs.
You said you were leaving.
I have a dinner engagement.
I thought you'd changed your mind
about dinner.
I changed it back again.
Oh? Why?
Because when you come right down to it
I can't bear the thought of you spending
the next 20 years in an Arab jail
even though you are a crook.
D'you know,
that's the nicest thing anybody...
ever said to me.
I don't doubt it.
If you're going to have dinner
with Shahbandar
why are you wearing that dress
with your hair down?
This is my dress and I like it
and I think Mr. Shahbandar is going to
like it and the way I've done my hair
whether you like it or not.
Do you understand?
I like the way you look, Nicole.
Thank you.
Mr. Shahbandar's compliments, my lady.
Exquisite.
If I may say so, Lady Dean,
your husband is very foolish
to be so dedicated to his work.
My husband is an ambitious man.
With him his work comes first.
And the idle shall benefit.
You must forgive me,
not offering you a cocktail
but I thought you might wish to see
something of our city before the sun sets.
Oh, I'd like that.
Then shall we go?
No... this way, please.
I have a few surprises for you first.
Speaking of surprises
I thought it rather strange you didn't know
of the likeness between you and my Lissu.
Is there any reason why I should have?
Perhaps not.
Your husband seemed to know.
He took it so calmly when I showed him the Lissu.
My husband never shows his emotions.
He's English, you know.
Ah, yes, of course. The English.
Now this room will interest you.
It's unique of its kind.
As you already gathered this afternoon,
Lady Dean, I have a passion for gadgets.
Are you ready?
Am I ready for what?
Watch.
We are going up one floor.
I'm so disappointed
Sir Harold isn't with us.
I'm sure he would have liked seeing
the city in this way.
Business affairs so often prevent us from
really enjoying ourselves, don't they.
You don't mind flying, I hope.
But of course not. You must have flown
thousands of miles with your husband.
Hundreds of thousands.
Thank you.
Mr. Shahbandar's apartment, please.
This is Sir Harold Dean.
Could I speak to Lady Dean, please?
Oh, she has. All right, thank you.
Oh, by the way,
does Mr. Shahbandar own a helicopter?
Oh, he does.
What you see now is something of
a potpourri of past and present.
There is so much to become acquainted
with here.
Is there a chance
your husband's business
will keep him in town
longer than he thinks?
Oh, no, I don't think so.
Perhaps we'll stay longer next time.
I hope you will.
We're going to land over there
by those trees.
I have a car waiting to take us to
the old quarters where the festivities are.
It is always like this
on the feast of Ali Hadjj.
Everybody's happy hoping
his wish will come true.
Buy a scroll, effendi,
buy the scroll of Ali Hadjj
to bring much luck and good fortune
to you and to your lady.
Luck and good fortune to you
and of course to Sir Harold.
Lady Dean, may I present Colonel Salim?
Colonel Salim, Lady Dean.
How do you do?
I asked Colonel Salim to join us
because I thought your husband would
be happier if we were chaperoned.
No one could make a more suitable
chaperone than the Colonel.
He's our Chief of Police.
Oh, really?
How interesting.
Salim and I have been friends for years.
We have many interests in common.
He also shares my enthusiasm
for gadgets.
In fact it was he who helped me to perfect
all those little electronic devices
to protect my paintings and sculpture.
One of these days we hope
to test them out.
Don't we, Salim?
If you'll excuse me for one moment
I'll be right back.
Hotel Semiramis, please.
Fire! Fire!
There's a fire! Quick! Quick! Look!
There's a fire there, look.
Get the extinguisher. Come on quickly.
Harry?
Harry?
Harry.
What are you doing
in Shahbandar's bedroom?
It goes up and down.
- What does?
- The bedroom. It's one of his gadgets.
- It goes all the way to the roof...
- Why are you dressed like that?
- I just left Shahbandar in the rest...
- Shhh!
I sneaked out and got ready to leave.
He's planning some dreadful trap for you.
There's a fire escape out here.
We can get out this way.
If you think I'm going to pack it in now,
you must be mad.
Harry, be sensible.
He'll be here any minute.
Shut up!
You'll never get through there, Harry.
If you're so determined to go through with this,
why don't you let me help you?
I can get through there now.
You sure?
Go on then.
You're a clever girl and I love you.
Get out. I'll meet you at the airport.
To the airport, please.
Very bright.
Bring them back.
Thank you very much.
Just a minute.
There are police everywhere.
We can't leave together.
Here's your ticket and passport.
They'll never recognise you on your own.
I'll meet you in Hong Kong.
- What about you?
- Don't worry about me.
I'm taking another route.
It's all been arranged. See you.
Go on!
Go on!
20 francs, please, sir. Airport tax.
Immigration is to your left, sir.
Passport and ticket, please.
Which is your luggage Miss er... Chang?
No luggage.
That will be 10 francs, please.
Airport tax.
Immigration is over there.
Your plane will be leaving in 15 minutes.
Through that door.
Have a good trip, Miss Chang.
One moment, Miss Chang.
Good morning.
You look a little different this morning.
Come and sit down.
I trust you slept well.
You must forgive my not waiting
but I breakfast rather early.
There is fresh fruit and juices,
coffee and rolls.
Strange, is it not,
how we spend time with people
and still can't be certain
what they are really like.
So many of us posing as one thing
in reality being something quite different.
Your young man for instance
fashioning himself as some sort of
clever high-society burglar.
He didn't play his part very well, did he?
He got away but he'll be caught.
While you have been sleeping
my people in London have been learning
precisely who and where he is.
One telephone call to Hong Kong
can have Mr. Dean shackled and
flying back here within a few hours.
However...
as I...
as I took you and your friend rather too
lightly and played a game with you
and lost.
I'll put off making that telephone call.
Instead I have decided that
you will go on to Hong Kong
and tell Mr. Dean that unless
my Lissu is returned
he will be apprehended and
punished for his crime.
Punished severely, I assure you.
That's all I have to say.
Perhaps reading this dossier
will be an inducement for you
to help put an immediate end
to this ridiculous crime spree of his.
Thank you.
Goodbye... Nicole.
The Lissu will now always
remind me of you
when I get her back.
- Where the devil have you been?
- Oh, Harry!
I've met every plane for the past 48 hours.
Listen to me.
- A message from Shahbandar.
- Forget Shahbandar.
You can't forget Shahbandar because
he's not going to forget you.
- Forget Shahbandar.
- You must send the head back.
- I can't send the head back.
- Well, you must.
Shahbandar knows you're here
and has people watching you now.
- I didn't steal it.
- Don't joke with me.
I am not joking with you.
I didn't steal the head.
You don't seem to understand.
He can have you shackled and flown back
on a plane to Dammuz within the hour.
I'll bet you $5,000 and a British passport
that I didn't steal the head.
"The smile of the Buddha covers
a multitude of sins. Stop.
"Shall we call it a draw? Harry Dean."
It arrived a few hours ago.
Now look.
There's nothing inside. I've checked.
Welcome back.
You know, Salim,
I don't consider myself an unintelligent man
but for the life of me, I can't understand
why they should go to
all this trouble and expense
in order not to steal it.
The answer is very simple.
We needed the publicity
and we got it,
all over the world.
Publicity? For what?
I'll tell you.
Two years ago, for insurance purposes,
Shahbandar commissioned Emile
to make a copy of the Lissu.
Now Emile is something of a genius when
it comes to copying the work of others
so does he stop at making one copy?
You bet your life he doesn't.
He makes a second copy.
A reproduction that is so perfect it is
impossible to tell it from the original.
It is my finest work.
I found clay 2,000 years old in Mongolia.
I used the same tools, the same method
of baking as they did in ancient times.
Every art expert in the world will believe
that this is the original.
And what happens when Shahbandar
announces he has it back?
We have 3 definite offers from people who
don't care what Shahbandar announces
because they believe that Shahbandar
has a copy and this is the original.
Who thought up this whole idea?
He did.
Who paid for it? Who financed it?
He did.
Of all the nasty, low-down, underhanded,
despicable tricks
you're not even honest enough
to be crooks.
Now hold on a minute.
You hold on a minute, Harry Tristan Dean.
You've done your best
to turn me into a thief
now you'll turn me into a swindler.
Maybe you'd like to lead a life of crime
but count me out.
- Who told you my name was Tristan?
- I know lots about you.
Nobody knows my name is Tristan.
Your father's name was Eric,
mother's name was Mary
you grew up on the London docks
and ran away from home at 17 to join the navy.
You've never been married.
You had your tonsils out...
- Who told you my name was Tristan?
- It was in Shahbandar's dossier.
You won the pingpong championship
during the Korean war.
You've never been in jail and
never even been arrested
so this is probably your first crime.
There's lots more I'd like to know
about you, Harry Tristan Dean,
but if you insist on this ridiculous
crime spree what's the point? Excuse me.
Nicole! Stop!
What for?
I'll show you something.
I'm sorry, Emile.
I suppose this is the end of a...
beautiful friendship.
Well, I'll help pay for
the cost of everything.
Goodbye.
Forgive me if you can.
I do love you.
Come on.
I'm sorry, Emile.
It's for the best.
I'm sure you can find something honest
to do with all that Mongolian clay.
Emile Fournier speaking.
Yes. Come at once.