Gandu (2010) Movie Script

What do you think of the word "gandu?"
When I think of the word, it sounds
to me something like an Oriya word.
How do you think it has been used?
What do you think it means?
Do you know anything about it?
I think it means something
that you are very stupid,
when I say you are a gandu.
In my opinion we can call it... fucker.
Someone who doesn't understand anything.
Who generally irritates people... loser.
One who doesn't have a dick.
He is the real gandu.
Is the word used very often by Bengalis?
-They use it frequently, right?
-Very frequently.
-That is the meaning of the word, gandu.
That means he is a moron.
Basically in my own abusive sense,
it means that he is a moron.
Even my girlfriend calls me gandu.
I lurk in a dark corner of your room
You feel love I feel like puking
Your sins burn you sit up
For all night long
If someone run away with your chastity
If not then why do you fuckers
Suffer such a lot
In the schools, buses, all around
Have seen such a lot
I sit in the darkness of your room
When will the mask come off your face
I eat caste I eat creed
I beg for my rice
I shine my teeth with borrowed meat
In the darkness of your room
I can see clearly
A feast on top of your naked body
Every day of the week eats you up
You feel like pissing when
You can smell danger
The bed and pillow for your mom
Nothing is yours
All bought in installments
-Mr. Sarkar?
-Yes, tell me.
Yesterday's one.
Yes, yesterday's one, right?
I had been to his house,
they said he has gone to the market.
No, I'll fuck him, you just see.
No, this didn't work out.
You just see.
No, Mr. Sarkar you told me that
this would work.
I sold it.
Yes, I left West Bengal for you.
The number didn't show up.
My mom is cursing me,
you must give it back.
You take one today, there is a good one!
No, today, I won't take from here.
I know it won't work out.
Every day I'm paying you ten bucks.
It's all adding up,
you'll get the return at once.
-Which should I buy today, you tell me?
-Take Bhutan, take it in advance.
What's the price? Tell me.
One set, ten bucks.
Giving you a good number.
Take it, with the Goddess's blessing.
Mother Goddess, please take care.
Radha is going away
Radha is really going away
Don't go away you don't go away
I feel lonely
I feel very lonely
The flute plays in my heart
The flute
Radha walks away
My Radha Rani goes
With her face turned away
The flute of Krishna plays on
Radha moves on
Oh dear Radha Rani goes on
With her face turned away
Jai Radha Govinda
Hey, asshole.
There he is, our egg-headed asshole.
Egg. Shit! You dropped your tea?
Potla, give us two cups.
See, he is annoyed.
How many assholes are there
in your community?
You are an asshole.
Your dad Ramakrishna is an asshole.
And? Who else?
Hell, his whole lineage
are a bunch assholes!
This asshole is deaf as well.
Hey, asshole.
You make me feel like a worm
You can call me an asshole
Ambition is hopeless
My future is dark
You get angry
And I go hungry
I'm invisible in the dark corner
Of your room
They tell me your life
Is worth more than mine
But one day I will haunt you like a ghost
You'll be a balloon
And I'll be a safety pin
What do I say?
He ignores me. He doesn't listen to me.
What do I tell him?
I also feel like dying.
Don't think like that.
Hold it.
What are you doing?
What's going on?
I've lost everything!
Want to burn my heart too?
-Yes, tell me?
-Sarkar. Didn't check yesterday's draw.
Not checked it, right?
No, bad luck!
Shit! Sarkar, why do you give me
the West Bengal one?
Take something else. Take Bhutan.
There is a good draw today.
Ten bucks per set.
Why isn't this working out for once?
Didn't do anything.
Love makes everything possible.
Go a bit far, let me see
what are you wearing.
You've put on weight? Right?
Why are you eating out, darling?
Why are you eating out so much?
Can't you do some cooking?
Once I come over, I'll do everything.
What? What?
Have more cigarettes!
Filled up the whole place with smoke!
Don't you dare light one now!
Okay, have it.
Everyone's watching.
Can you see?
Clicked any photos? Show them.
My mind wanders off
The days are spent
Counting day after day
What illusions
Enchant me
Makes all
Tasks forgettable
Time passes away
With the tune of songs
Love love love love
Shame shame shame shame
And the blame game begins
Love is on rent for a bundle of money
Through the year your ass gets fucked
Future punctured
Present absent
Madness every day
Vulgar words and dirty streets
This is my life
My songs are burned
My heart is a crematorium
My words are broken and decomposed
I'm fucking serious
You think it's a joke?
My mind wishes to get lost
Get lost with you
Understood? Idiot!
They'll kick me
out of this place very soon.
I've done so much mischief here.
Too much.
Hey, stop kidding.
Don't you miss me a bit?
Have you noticed that something's changed?
What sound is that?
Is it? Whose call?
What are you looking at? Whose message?
Tell me the truth.
No, I can't turn around here.
Is this fine?
Have I put on some weight?
Why are you moving so much?
I'm going to beat you up.
I've been sitting here for too long.
Talking endlessly...
We can even go on forever on the phone...
Give me a kiss.
Hey, Gandu!
You were making some sounds the other day.
Do it once again, please.
You want to listen to that?
Fucking Ricksha!
Can't you see where you're going?
You fucking son of a bitch, it hurts...
Bamboo Lane.
Let's go!
The horn keeps talking
The horn keeps talking
Here comes
The road king
Choc a block streets
With cheap cheap people
Choc a block streets
With cheap cheap people
With their lives packed in boxes
Huffing puffing
They need to go somewhere
Keep shouting louder
Rickshawala play your game
At dawn and at dusk
Just keep riding
There's no time for tears
You drag the weight of society
Your taut body like a painting
Your hands feet spine move
Rhythm rhythm of the street
Of the street
Rhythm of the street
I'm taking a potato.
Dirt shit fucking mess fucking shithole.
Same fucking shit everywhere now.
Who told you to come here, asshole?
You'd better stay at home.
Try to live where I live for once.
For an elegant home Dasbabu...
Then you stay at my place
and I will stay at yours.
Well, of course, I will.
Go on then...
Will that asshole Dasbabu
allow me to stay there?
Then where will I go?
Have you contributed anything?
For the sake of this house?
Don't you feel ashamed of standing here?
Aren't you disgusted?
I am feeling disgusted!
Say something...
How will I manage without money?
What money? What?
How do I manage?
How will you manage?
Aren't you doing well right now?
This house, all the luxuries?
Who's paying for it all?
-Whose money?
-Whose money? Tell me?
Tell me. Who is paying for it all?
-Whose money?
-Whose money? Tell me?
-You tell me.
-I'll tell you.
I know everything.
You tell me what you know?
-You are talking too much.
-You tell me who's paying?
You just tell me once!
Dasbabu... I know!
Why didn't you study well?
Just keep your mouth shut!
Don't you dare say anything about Dasbabu!
I have given you lots of money!
I have done everything for you.
I'm not going to give you any more.
Do whatever you want to do.
I will die.
What you want to do?
You want to die?
I'll kill you.
I'll kill you.
Fucking life. It sucks!
What a fucked up place we are in.
Nothing ever happens.
Can't do anything.
What the fuck! Asshole constantly
farting in my face!
Why are you farting?
Because of acidity, motherfucker!
Suffering from acidity!
Take a dump, you fucker!
Fucking nonsense!
My life is a fucking fart!
Yeah, look all you want.
Your life is another fucking fart!
-Why my life?
I drive my ricksha and earn money
with hard labor.
That's good!
You are doing well?
You fucking pick Dasbabu's pocket.
That's it!
So? What's wrong with what I have done?
What should I do then?
Tell me! Go and stay there!
-What are you looking at?
-Answer me, fucker.
What the fuck! It's like a disco, man...
Disco! It's a fucking prison!
What disco?
It's someone else's fucking house.
Go and stay there, fucker!
I like your house very much.
I have been in your house once.
You like it? Is everything okay?
Is everything okay?
The shit-pot is awesome.
I like it very much.
You're again making fun of my life!
Farting, fucking around...
Making fun of my life!
No. I'm telling seriously.
Constantly you are farting and joking.
That's all you can do!
I was being honest, bro!
No. Fuck honesty!
You've been sitting here.
I am talking about my life and
you're not listening to anything.
I have such a fucked up life.
I think of you as a friend
and want you to listen.
You can't help me. You can't do anything.
Light a cigarette, asshole!
Can't even you light up
a cigarette, asshole?
It's not working! Fuck!
Give it to me.
-Can you do it?
-Fucker! You can do it.
-You have a fuckall lighter!
It's a curse. Nothing will happen.
Everything is fucked up!
Everything is fucked up!
I can't help it. They are fucking my life.
What bullshit you are talking about?
-Do you think it's bullshit?
-Yes, it is!
It's not! I'm telling about my job!
Why my words are always bullshit?
What the fuck.
What the fuck you are talking about?
Motherfucker's chewing my brain...
You're always talking about this shit!
Fucking rap!
What 's this fucking rap?
All the time, rap!
-Tell me, fucker! What the fuck is rap?
-You wanna know what rap is?
What is it? Tell me, asshole!
Rap is nothing but words!
You have something to say.
Rap is the only way to tell them.
But no one is listening.
Fucking assholes.
-That's why they call you Asshole!
-I'll become DJ Asshole then.
What is DJ Asshole?
You will be a super asshole!
I'll be freestyling all the way.
This is rap!
-And what is it?
-This is freestyle.
There is River Ganga! Go and fuck!
Then it'll be wet asshole!
Wet Asshole!
Even while you speak it's also rap!
This is rap! You can't ignore it.
You are talking. This is rap.
This is rap. Nothing else.
I'm fucked up?
You wanna see fucking rap?
Exactly, it's fucking rap!
Come with me then!
I'll show it.
What the fuck? What do you
want to show me?
Come here!
Just come with me. Don't worry.
What the fuck's rap?
Every night Horihor thinks on his bed
Which Bollywood actress will he fuck
Whose cunt should he lick
Which tit should he squeeze
He thinks and wanks
He wanks and thinks
What do you think of rap music?
It's a rapid music!
-I'm not too fond of rap music because...
-You like it? Dislike it?
It's so rapid that I can't understand it.
-What is rap?
Rap to me is...
What do you think of rap music?
Rap music? Sometimes nice
when I feel like dancing.
Can you hear me?
You'll get a slap if you don't tell me.
What should I say?
Don't be obscene! I'm warning you.
I'll hit you!
Everyone is watching!
Oh, my God!
What is written on your shirt?
Recline back a bit.
No, I do not want to see anything!
Don't embarrass me!
My darling, my sweetheart...
Now you will get a slap.
There are kids watching!
-Prepare to fight.
-All right, let's move out.
-Prepare to fight.
-Lock and load.
What the fuck is that?
It's a nunchaku.
You got it.
Bruce Lee?
Hey, bro...
-Do you have CD?
Only stuff about China.
Everyone uses nunchaku in China.
This is not a worm, man!
This is a dragon from Enter the Dragon.
Even the girls use nunchaku.
Get lost!
Do you have that? Bruce Lee?
Om Lee!
Where to?
How much?
Rs. 7.50.
Om Lee!
Don't you have red sauce?
Yes. I will give it with the food.
Add some eggs.
Sister, how long is it going to take?
It is almost ready.
I want two forks.
Hey! You're Gandu!
You're Gandu the rapper.
Yeah! Meet Gandu!
He's the Gandu I keep talking about.
He's the one.
-He comes here for the concert.
-I know!
You haven't told anyone.
I just love his music!
I love him.
You're a musician, man?
He's a man of few words.
You'll love him.
I'll give you a CD of his.
I'm so happy. I finally get to meet Gandu.
-He's the one. He's the one.
In this town I can't breathe so I smoke
I can sell your secrets real cheap
And your smile will fill the TV screen
Take a drag chill out, let the love begin
The world is a ball of smoke
And I'll hold your balls
As I hold yours
It's propaganda.
Delightful propaganda that we can enjoy.
It's made it very hard,
for us as men especially...
What does porn mean to you?
Pornogaphy is like women
sex in video camera
-whatever you may say.
-Sexual fantasies.
I...every guy has gone through that phase.
-Guys do watch porn.
-I'm an Indian.
We watch with sexuality, boss.
We watch a human penis.
It's nothing great or bad.
It's very normal and natural.
Yeah. Opening!
Ricksha, tell me... Where do I go?
No one will think about me...
Where do I go?
I don't know what I was thinking...
How do I live? Where do I go?
What do I do?
Please, let's go somewhere...
Please, Ricksha,
please take me somewhere...
I can't bear this any more.
I'm feeling bad... Can't you see?
Please, let's go!
Hey... Gandu...
Do you really want to go?
Hey, Ricksha!
Will I die if I fall from here?
You have lost your brain, fucker!
Hey, Ricksha!
Will I die if I fall from here?
Fully fucked. Fuck your brain.
Hey, ricksha?
Will I die if I fall from here?
Someone needs to fuck your head!
Hey, Ricksha!
Have you lost your mind?
Lord Shiva is the god of all drugs.
Not at all. He is the god of weed.
What are you saying, man?
One has to completely
trip your brain out!
You think it's only weed?
He used to have Shidhhi.
He had two assistants! Nandi and Bhringi!
One rolled the weed.
The other made the Shidhhi.
Do you know, asshole?
You don't know anything, fucker!
-My brain will get fried?
-Why should it get messed up?
-Either one has to fuck your brain--
-Will you fuck my brain?
-Because you are half fucked--
-What are you talking about?
-You are nothing but a half asshole!
Hey, Ricksha.
Will I die if I fall from here?
It has to either this way or that.
Do you know Shiva used to take Datura?
Datura is like the grandfather of smack!
Ever heard of the Datura tree?
Have you seen a Datura flower?
Datura has a kind of seed.
If you have the seeds of that fruit,
your balls will hit your brain.
You're not even a proper asshole...
You are half a fuck.
I will give you Datura today.
Just wait and watch.
I guarantee a complete head fuck.
If you have the seeds of that fruit,
your balls will hit your brain.
"The garbage of my mind is swept away
by a voluntary white wind.
Here, eternity sleeps on gentle grass.
A massive horizon hides
a secret sacred space.
Here, Sufi fakirs sing as the moon dances.
A solitary tree
has made a forest.
You might have met the man.
The saint who could have shown you
what a perfect human being could be.
He rests under this solitary tree.
Here, there's perhaps no such instrument.
In the middle of the night.
That hasn't felt my rhythm on its strings.
Striking a match in the shadows of my mind
I sometimes find myself over here.
Here, love greets love every morning.
Here, love may find love."
It's you.
Sit here, please.
Sit down, please. You wanna have some tea?
Take it.
Have some tea.
What's your name?
Where do you live?
In Howrah.
Near the station.
And you?
They call me Gandu.
So? What's your plan now?
I presume that you'd want to go home.
Do you have any money?
Doesn't look like you do.
So? You don't have money!
Oh, yeah.
A friend of mine
is about to come here.
He is going to Kolkata.
He is making a film named Gandu!
What's he doing?
He's making a film.
Cinema. Well, you know.
He's coming here in his car.
No! What name did you say?
What's the name of the movie?
You can go back with him.
What the fuck is going on, man?
Who the fuck is he?
Didn't you hear? He makes films.
You are saying it
as though you know him.
Of course, I know him.
How the fuck do you know him?
I know the fucker. He makes films.
And smokes a lot of hash.
How do you suddenly know this guy?
I fucking know him...
Mark my words, he's making a film on you.
What does it have to do with me?
He's making a random film.
It's a film about you man.
This is Ricksha's word!
What kind of crazy shit is this?
There he is!
Look, fucker!
He's here!
See for yourself.
His name is Kaushik.
He always wears these dark glasses.
You wanna meet him?
Don't you see that
he's taking a picture of us?
Check this out, Gandu. 50,000 rupees.
I lurk in the darkness of your room
You feel love I feel like puking
Petrified of losing your youth
Some fucker will run away with it
Look for yourself. Check this out.
You finally got it.
I've seen a lot of swines around
Also seen many fuckers
I sit and think in the dark corner
Of your room
When will the mask
Fall off your face?
Didn't I tell you, Gandu?
You will win big!
What are you doing?
Check it properly.
Now! Now what?
What are doing, Sarkar?
Say it again!
Rs. 50,000. Bhutan!
50,000 rupees?
-Say it again! How much?
-You won.
50,000 Rupees?
-I've won?
Say it again!
I told you.
Give me a chewing gum!
Give me a chewing gum!
50,000 jackpot!
With a dark heart I've told so many tales
I've read so many dark fairy tales
There are so many people at your feet
You do whatever you like
Have you ever seen
Rs. 50,000 in your life?
Should I tell you something
honestly, fucker?
You're always cribbing
and rapping about sex...
But you have never fucked!
First look for a nice girl to fuck.
All this talk of tits, ass,
cunt, and your sugary dick...
I talk about it so much because
I have seen a lot of it.
Of course, I have.
Naked, alive, flesh, cunt? Ever seen that?
Fresh, squishy little slut.
Butter. Creamy.
You want shaved?
Clean shaven!
Fuck her hard.
Really hard.
Really fucking hard.
With all my frustration!
First look for a nice girl to fuck.
Fucker, you've never fucked.
First look for a nice girl to fuck.
Red lips
And dark eyes
And skin
Like cream
She screams
She tugs my hair
She electrifies
My veins
Night after night
Hands clutch
Mouths water
Teeth bite
Meshing together
We sit we stand
Holding the wall
Ruining the carpet
Sweat and skin
Lick it completely
Again and again
In your lap
In your black hole
I have to get in anyway
To be immortal
Everyone wishes
They have chance
Day and night
To eat, fuck, eat
So come
It's dirty cheap
Download free
While your balls sweat like hell
The end has come
We hear you say outside
Adult film will be made
You run to the bathroom
Blue sky blue
Blue water sparkles
A bit of blue every day
Will turn you into a seagull
Will the mirror speak
The truth
Whether you are translucent
Or fucking dead
What the body means
Is that the body needs
And the body knows
What an adult film is
Om Lee!
Hey, Ricksha. Do you know what happened?
Asshole? Do you have any idea
what happened with me?
Listen to me. Hey, Ricksha?
You know what is demo?
Hey, Ricksha, you know?
Gandu is a big star.
Gandu is a super star!
Do you know why?
Fucker I'll make a demo
of five fucking songs.
TIA will listen to it.
ADF will listen to it.
Will you listen to me or not?
Fucker, you have no idea.
You bloody Chinese egg,
do you know what'll happen?
Gandu will get a red carpet welcome
on the streets of New York.
ADF and TIA will scream aloud
"We love Gandu!"
"G for Gandu! We want G!"
Do you know why, asshole?
I'll make a demo of five fucking songs.
You'll love it. I'll love it.
The whole world will love it.
No matter how much you fuck around.
Even you're going to love it, fucker.
Watch, just watch!
The whole world is going to love Gandu.
Today, we stand at the face
of a great disaster.
Don't spare the people
who are initiating this havoc.
Dasbabu says...
Friends, I am not saying
that you should take the law...
You know...
...into your own hands.
But we have to protest.
He has a job for you.
Our country is being held to ransom.
He has arranged everything.
We cannot watch all this bloodbath
and not react.
Why don't you give it a try?
We will enter inside the parliament,
in the assembly, on the street...
Should I fry some more?
At every crossroad. We will walk
with the common people
and fight with the proletariat.
What do they think?
Will you talk to him?
Who do you think is the enemy?
We know them, dear friends.
We are at the threshold
of a great disaster.
Don't spare the people
who are initiating this havoc.
Friends, I am not saying
that you should take the law
into your own hands.
But we have to protest.
Our country is being held to ransom.
We cannot watch all this bloodbath
and not react.
My life is finished.
My life is ruined.
I can't take it anymore.
All because of you...
Answer me.
All because of you...
Don't irritate me. I don't like it.
I don't care.
There is some responsibility...
which you should take.
In front of everyone.
At this time, I need someone by my side.
Hey Lily,
Hey, how are you?
I guess you didn't get the news.
I told everyone.
I have a lot to say but we
need to be face to face.
Cyber cafe. friends are with me.
There's been a change in the game.
What will you do?
Is there anything left for you to do?
That's your job.
I can't take it anymore.
This is just the beginning...
It's a different scene...
Different scene altogether.
No, this is not just mere suspicion.
Haven't you heard?
There are so many places to go.
I'm leaving for Japan tomorrow...
I'm going home. I can't take it anymore.
So why don't you?
Everything is more or less ready.
What to do? I have to stay here.
Just forget it.
There's no time.
Have you gone mad?
I'm leaving.
Come on , let's go!
Lots of big stage shows.
Definitely. Come on. Don't waste time.
Of course! We have to leave Kolkata...
How much?
Twenty rupees.
He looks so lost holding on to his dick
Why don't you let him peacefully wank off?
I'm sure even you feel like it sometime...
A quick jerk off is quite common
Let's now check what Horihor is up to
With tits ass cunt fuck on top of his mind
The stream of fantasies that never end
So listen up, Horihor
Shake it hard
Shake your hard dick, Horihor
Fucked by morality
Chased by desire
The whole world wide world is wanking off
So wrap your palm tight and shake it hard
Shake it shake it shake it shake it
I knew it.
This is the most unbelievable shit
that I've ever heard.
He's the perfect opening act
for you guys, man.
He's just unbelievable.
I'm trying to get some music of theirs.
Trying to get a demo or something.
Here it is. G.
This is it.
Who's calling us?
You're Gandu?
I've been looking for you
since this morning, Gandu.
There is this band, ADF.
Asian Dub Foundation!
You have to open for ADF.
Do you have a demo CD?
Do you have a demo CD?
Do you have a demo CD?
Hey, Ricksha?
Will I die if I fall from here?
Your head is completely fucked...
Hey, Ricksha?
Will I die if I fall from here?
Fully. Fully fucked.
Your head is ass fucked badly.
Hey, Ricksha?
Will I die if I fall from here?
Someone needs to totally...