Garfield: His 9 Lives (1988) Movie Script

I feel like creating cat today.
Gimme a cat.
Give it four legs, some fur. Fangs!
And some surprises.
It's eyes should
shine in the dark
and it should always
land on its feet.
Oh sure...
Give cat six eyes.
Eh, we only have two eyes left.
Two eyes.
I like that.
Cranium: 23 pantenes.
Jaws: 12 photons.
No eyebrows.
Huh, notice how the heavy lids give
it an arrogant yet warm expression.
Nice job staff.
You designed the perfect animal.
However there is one
finishing touch.
Give it nine lives.
I don't understand.
Why 9?
But everyone else gets one life.
Well let just say it would make
a great plot for a story, OK.
Ya say ya, fall
under a bad sign.
Got a reason to cry.
The bad signs I
was born under,
Could fill up the sky.
Yeah, I'm a blues cat
And I'm broke from
paying my dues.
'Cause when you
got nine lives
You got nine ways to loose.
Hay, a happy nine lives
Rolls snake eyes
again and again.
And maybe this time
I'll roll me a lucky ten.
'Cause I'm a blues cat.
Got nine pages of bad news.
Yeah, when you
got nine lives
You got nine ways to loose.
Nine ways to loose.
In my first life I formulated
many of my likes and dislikes.
I dislike my rock bed.
On the other hand,
you wouldn't believe the size
of the pteranodon drumsticks.
About ten million years ago
the first cat crawled
out of the sea.
His first word was...
He had been holding his
breath for quite some time.
In those days the first everything
was crawling up out of the sea.
The first snake.
The first chicken.
The first real estate salesman.
And then came the
first girl cat.
"Cat" was caveman talk for darn it!
It wasn't long before
cave cat learned to talk.
Ah, no no.
Caveman soon
domesticated cave cat.
Good cat, good cat.
Soon cave cat learned to live
with his human counterpart
and spent his time pretty
much as cats do now.
Ahem, except for the
fire breathing mice.
Ah, yes, those
were simple times.
Times when people had to
entertain themselves.
Big Bob come!
Who big Bob.
Big Bob big.
Big Bob bad.
Big Bob go whoomp,
whoomp, whoomp.
Fear big Bob.
Big Bob.
Hence cats instinctive
fear of dogs.
Big Bob slobbered
and ran away.
Cave cat gave big Bob
a piece of his mind.
Aha, big Bob!
Cave cat go whoomp,
whoomp, whoomp.
Ooh, stay away big Bob
or cave cat go whoomp,
whoomp, whoomp.
Alas big Bob returned with the
worlds first and last crab tree.
He wanted to play fetch.
Thus, the worlds first
and last cave cat
bought the farm, for failing to
field the fetched crab tree.
2,000 BC. Was a good year
to be a cat in Egypt.
We were revered, even worshiped.
Ah, for the good old days.
Ancient Egypt wasn't the arid
wasteland you might expect.
Naw, it was bustling with
activity in 2,000 BC.
The pyramids were still
under construction.
In those days we
cats were venerated
and worshiped because of
the cat goddess Bastet.
She was the head of the
hierarchy of animal gods.
This was one Egyptian belief that
certainly got no argument from us cats.
Me, I was known as king cat.
I was the favorite cat
of King Amenhotep the 3rd
I called him junior.
Those were happy days
I had my own personal
bevy of slave dogs.
And for fun I would go over to the pyramids
and torture the construction workers.
To the pyramids you mutts,
lets get a move on.
It doesn't get any
better than this.
Did I ever tell you I
love it when you grovel?
Okay, okay, enough adoration.
Back to work!
Whoomp whoomp boring.
Whoomp whoomp boring.
Whoomp whoomp boring.
You know guys...
What if we built a cube
instead of a pyramid?
- Cube?!?
- What? - No!
OK, OK. Big babies.
Whoomp whoomp boring.
Whoomp whoomp boring.
Whoomp whoomp boring.
Whoomp whoomp boring.
Whoomp whoomp boring.
Alright you back to work.
We got a deadline to meet you know.
I want these pyramids built by Thursday.
Hay, have a heart mate I'm
doing the best I can.
If you know whats good for you, you'll
get your shoulder back to the stone.
Yeah, I'd like to get your
shoulder back to the stone.
What was that!
I-I-I just said.
If you know whats good for you.
You'd be back at the temple rather
than here picking on us poor slaves.
And just what is that suppose to mean?
Read the glyphs mate,
writings on the wall.
I don't like the looks of this.
That's right mate.
When the king croaks, he takes all
his worldly possessions with him.
And you are a possession.
Get the picture?
I got the picture all to clearly.
Old Jr's. is not even bright enough
to come in out of a sandstorm.
And then to complicate the situation
his evil brother prince Black Bart
has had his eyes on the
throne for some time now.
Ooh, if my lifespan is
to coincide with Jr's.
I'd better get back there
and protect him from Bart.
Giddy-up, you doggies! Time's wastin'!
Daa do Te do Te do.
Doodle de do Te do Te do.
Hay, Junior.
Hay man, you know, I
have a surprise for you.
Ooh, goody goody goody.
I just love surprises.
Where is it. Where is it?
It's ah, through that door.
Go ahead step through the door
I think your going to be surprised.
Mush! Mush!
Aw, shucks
I don't see any surprise around here.
Ooh, sometimes that Black
Bart makes me so mad!
Hay, you shoved me.
I like to do more than shove ya'!
I'd like to...
Daa do Te do Te do.
I wonder what this is?
Oh well, whatever it is, it
probably hasn't been invented yet.
Then again, what do I know?
All dressed up and no place to go, huh Jr.?
What am I laughing about? I
should be conserving oxygen.
These crypts are air tight.
I only have enough air to last about...
Let see this crypt is about
80 by 40
let see a 20 foot ceiling.
Ta ta da ta da ta da
I'll run out of air in ruffly 73 years.
Slave dog!
Boy am I glade to see you.
I'll see to it theirs a little something
extra in your next pay check.
I owe you one ol' buddy.
If theirs anything I can ever
do for you just let me know.
You know slave dog,
its friends like you that keep
this tired old world going round.
Be a good dog and run over to the
pyramids to see how things are going.
Yes sir. Right away sir.
Anything you wish sir.
Your wish is my command sir.
I'd like to meet you in a
dark alley sometime sir.
My third life was my favorite.
My body grew old but I never,
never, never, grew up.
Yellow and orange skies filled
with magic butterfly's
made the morning a memory.
These were the mornings
Chloe and the orange kitten
liked best.
It seemed like it was always
summer in the garden.
Uncle Todd built the garden during a very
intense period of just having fun.
He was known for that.
Singing and dancing and being
every bit a prankster.
He and the sun laughed a lot.
Uncle Todd joined the
circus, one spring
and sort of willed the garden
to Chloe and the orange kitten.
From then on
the spirit of uncle Todd
seemed to loom over the plot.
Like a great laughing apparition.
This was not the normal garden
you might imagine... no.
It was inspired
by the love of life
and the even greater love
of living it.
The garden had a few of the more
identifiable features of course
like plants and rocks
and some bad things.
But the things they really enjoyed
were not of the norm.
Designed into the garden were things like
tubes, globes and orbs of the
bubble and vinyl persuasion.
The hovering harmonica, the skimming disk
made jingle sounds as they
glided from point to point.
Their life with syncopated
rhythms filled the air.
The great part was as Chloe
and the kitten moved
from one area of the garden to another
the environment would change.
All the areas were for fun making
but only a special love and understanding
would make the garden work.
They had a very strong bond.
A rare and valuable treasure called
It was a magic life,
an easy life.
A good life.
There was only one condition.
Before uncle Todd
joined the circus
he left the two a crystal box
on a checkered toadstool.
He told them never to open the crystal box.
Chloe and the kitten
were not used to rules!
This "never open the crystal box on the
checkered toadstool." Rule was new to them.
And as all children all want to do.
Chloe and the kitten were
overcome with curiosity.
They poked at the crystal box.
Sniffed it.
And gazed longingly at the
simple to open latch.
There is something very special about a box
that is not to be opened.
Finally they decided to take action.
They decided
not to open it.
Ha, they thought right by the crystal
box never to give it another thought.
They loved uncle Todd very much
and were grateful for the garden.
And they lived happily
forever and ever and ever
and ever and ever and ever
and ever and ever
and ever and ever and ever
and ever
and ever and ever and ever
and ever.
I learned to think on my
feet in my forth life.
Thinking was okay I guess.
But now I avoid it when ever possible.
The year is 1720.
I am the cat of the court
musician to King George I.
My owner is a fellow named
George Frederick Handel
I sit around and watch Freddy write
music for George's dinner parties.
Freddy's putting the finishing touches
on a fugue for a big bash tonight.
Hello Frrreddie, what have we here?
Oh, go away Jester,
I must have this fugue done for tonight
or the king will have my neck.
Fugue! Fugue you say!
This is a very important occasion.
George is expecting a
concerto don't you know.
A concerto?
Is there an echo?
That's right governor.
He's expecting a concerto.
Ooh, there's not time!
I cant possible finish a
concerto by this evening.
Aw, that's to bad.
Oh well, if we can't
enjoy a concert tonight,
we'll have fun at the execution!
There's that echo again.
Oh well, ta ta Freddy,
your concerto had better be good.
You know how Georgie hates
to be disappointed.
Here cat!
I will take the first movement,
und' the second movement,
und you do the finally.
Write fast! There's not much time.
Your Majesty.
Your Majestress.
For your listing pleasure this evening.
It is my pleasure to present
Frrreddie and his chamber quartet,
who will play for you an original concerto
or so we hope.
On this very auspicious occasion.
Frrreddie, if you please.
After that night, I never
wrote any more music.
Had I stuck with it, there would
have been the recording contracts,
the concerts,
the agents, the managers,
the roadies, the groupies,
it sounded like a lot of work to me.
Life number five was short.
Hay cat! Your wanted on the set.
I'll be right back.
Stunt cat.
That's a rap.
Six must be my lucky number.
Because that's the life I
fell in love with music.
I also fell in love with a girl
who played the piano just for me.
Oh, what a pretty day.
Would you like to hear a cat story Patches?
Well, I'm going to tell you anyway.
My eighth birthday turned out to be one
of the most memorable days of my life.
That was the day I got a new kitten
and I took my first piano lesson.
Oh, I remember it as if it were yesterday.
I was siting at the kitchen
table having breakfast,
when my mother came into the room.
Happy birthday Sara,
I have something for you.
- Meow.
- A kitten!
Thank you mommy.
If you take good care of your kitten Sara,
it will be a good, good friend
for a long time to come.
Mother suggested that I name my new kitten
Diana after the Roman goddess of the hunt.
Sara, I have another
birthday surprise for you.
This is Mrs. Underwood.
She's going to give you piano lessons.
Aw mom, I wanna play with Diana.
Come along Sara.
Some day your going to thank me for this.
Alright Sara, let's begin.
Are you alright?
During the next few months,
I worked very hard at my piano lessons.
Every time I sat down to play
I would feel this little paw on my foot.
Diana was so tiny,
she couldn't get up on
the piano by herself.
I wanted to be a
better piano player
because Diana always seemed to
sense when I hit a wrong note.
In just a few years,
I was becoming, by Diana's standards,
a fairly good pianist.
Diana loved my music
and never seemed happier
than when I was playing.
Those were happy days.
I remember the sunshine,
soft summer breezes
and the fun Diana and I had.
It seemed as though Diana had
been part of my life, forever.
I had even promised Diana,
we would never, ever part.
Then came the day I left for college.
That was a sad day.
I didn't know who I was going to miss more.
My parents or Diana.
Although I was a young woman by the
time I graduated from college,
the little girl in me was still
eager to be with Diana once again.
By that time
my world had changed.
There were more people in my
life than Diana and my parents.
And I don't know that Diana approved.
Mother, father, Lee and I
have decided to marry.
That's wonderful dear.
- Rowr!
- Ouch!
You'd better pack your bags old girl.
Your going to be moving soon.
Your coming with me.
My parents had given Lee and me
the piano as a wedding present.
We really didn't have room for it,
but it was our most important
piece of furniture.
When little Billy came along,
Diana found a new friend.
I don't think Diana minded,
too much.
By now Diana was fourteen.
Diana could no longer make it on
her own to the top of the piano.
But fortunately,
neither could little Billy.
That evening, I could tell
Diana wasn't feeling well.
So, I put Billy to bed early
and performed a whole concert,
just for Diana.
I'd never played better.
When I finished, Diana didn't
want to leave the piano.
Goodnight Diana.
Sometime during the night,
Diana managed to get
down onto the keyboard.
She laid down,
put her face on her folded paws
and quietly passed away.
It was Diana's testament to her love
for my music.
Would you like me to play
something for you patches?
It's just as well.
In my seventh life I was
a laboratory animal.
To this day every time I see
a test tube I throw up.
Hold on to that cat good
n' tight now Larry.
Easy now fella, easy there.
I don't know about you Larry,
but these experiments sound like
something out of a horror movie to me.
All I know is if this research goes bad,
I'm going to put plenty of distance
between me and this laboratory
Larry, get 19-GB ready for dissection.
We'll see if it experience any
preliminary organ modification.
Get that cat!
I'm trying! I'm trying!
Anybody been down this hill?
Way over there by the hedgerow.
Okay, look over here.
Let's call it off guys,
we'll never find him now.
All that I ever was made me
what I am in my eight life.
Somehow, it's falling
short of my expectations.
Welcome to the world little fella.
I think I'll call you Garfield.
I'm hungry.
Where are we mom?
In the kitchen of an Italian restaurant.
Are Italians good to eat?
You have a lot to learn Garfield.
Garfield the newborn kitten is getting
ready to rub up against his first leg.
On my mark...
Get set...
Rub up.
I think I'm gonna like
this thing called "eating."
Pasta... infinite mountains of pasta.
Garfield 1 fettuccine nothing.
This spaghetti could stand to
be cooked a little longer.
Comea' witha' mea' kitty.
You eatena' me outta my business.
I'ma' taken you kitty to the pet shop.
I cant let him stay here.
No, you can't take him.
He's to young.
Aw, come on mom. I'm a big boy.
I'm five minutes old now.
Besides I'm getting tired of hanging
around the house all the time.
Take care of yourself little boy.
I love you.
I love you too, mom.
And thanks for everything
you've done for me.
I'll write when I get a chance.
Thanks for the ride.
Hi guys.
So, whats the program here?
Oh, it's simple, all you
have to do is look cute.
Someone comes in, buys
you, and takes you home.
That shouldn't take long.
Don't count on it.
Old Eli been here seventeen years.
I'm cute, take me home.
What's that?
Oh that...
That's a dog.
People actually buy them and
take them home as pets.
Hello there, I'd like to buy a cat.
Take me, take me.
I'll catch you mice, fetch your
paper, scratch your back, take me.
Well this one seems friendly.
I sleep till noon and I
desire my milk tepid.
I require three daily scratchings
and I eat a pasta base diet.
No substitutions.
How are you this morning, Garfield?
I'm in a good mood.
I let the mailman live.
Uh... sit down Garfield.
I... I have something to tell you.
I am sitting down.
Y-you must be lonely.
I think you need a playmate.
Not really, I have my mirror.
So I bought a dog.
Oh no!
No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!
Your taking it rather badly Garfield.
I think I'm OK now.
Where is this "dog"?
Garfield meet Odie.
It's not a dog its a tongue
with eyeballs and feet.
It's as though I know
Odie from a former life.
A bad one.
Well its taken a lot of hard
work, intimidation and abuse.
But it was worth the
effort to lay calm to my
position as the rightful
head of this household.
Odie? Oh, Odie.
Be a good boy and fetch my slippers.
They're on the wrong feet dummy.
Now run fetch my owner.
You called master.
Ain't life great.
I assume you would like to have lunch now.
Yes and I desire a picnic on the lawn.
You want what?!?
Read my lips Jon I want
to eat outside today.
Very well sir.
It's hard to find good help.
C'mon Odie. It's the ice cream truck.
You must have a death wish fella.
If Odie hadn't stopped me I
would've been a cat pancake.
A pavement pelt.
A sail cat.
A greasy spot on Main Street.
You saved my life old buddy.
Listen, I may not be wildly
successful in this life Odie,
but at least I'm alive to live it.
And that means something.
I'll forever be grateful to you Odie.
I'll never forget this.
Gather round children,
it's story time.
It was back in the 80's or...
or was it the 90's?
Who cares.
At any rate, I was the big TV celebrity.
Head of Mouser of some note.
Well sir,
one day Odie and I spotted the ice
cream truck across the street.
As Odie was just about
to run into the street,
I saw this big truck a coming.
I had determined that Odie was
going to be seriously hurt
if he crossed the street.
And so I wrestled him to the ground
at the last minute
before the truck came rushing by
and squashed him.
I'd like to think I'd live
forever but hay, I'm only human.
Here's a sneak preview of my ninth life.
One thing to be said for space
there sure is a lot of it out there.
So what do you do with space?
You can take part in grand intergalactic
battles that encompass whole solar systems.
Or you can bravely forge
new worlds of exploration
by traveling through
uncharted territory.
Or you can get lost.
Me... I'm lost.
Finding out where the heck I
am is still secondary though.
What I wanna know is,
why am I here?
Font face="digifacewide"welcome to space mister cat.
Font face="digifacewide"I suppose you are wondering
why you are here?
A keen grasp of the obvious.
Font face="digifacewide"well it is really quite simple.
Font face="digifacewide"you see, all we require is
that you survive mister cat.
Font face="digifacewide"we are monitoring the survival
instincts of a cat in his last life.
In his la...
Wha... last life?
Font face="digifacewide"as you are well aware,
Font face="digifacewide"a cat has nine lives.
And ah, don't tell me...
I'm living life number nine?
Font face="digifacewide"I tell it like it is, baby...
Well that's just great.
Somehow my lives didn't mean so much
when I had a few of them to burn.
So here I am in the one
that really counts
and they stick me in the middle
of nowhere in this time bomb.
Well I better gather my wits about me.
My survival sounds like
a job for O. D. I. E.
My Operations Data Index Element.
It's the smartest machine in the galaxy.
Hay O.D.I.E., index and
read all variables for
my survival and give
me a progressive plan.
Font face="digifacewide"arf.
"Arf" he says.
O.D.I.E. Must have been built
by the lowest bidder.
Well, I guess its up to me now.
Just what do I have on
hand to survive with.
Lets see.
I have food,
artificial gravity
and sand.
Well time to start surviving.
Lets eat.
Oh well, everything tasted
like lettuce anyway.
arf. arf, arf.
OK O.D.I.E. What is it?
Where's gravity when you need it?
arf. arf, arf.
What are you trying to say O.D.I.E..
Hay you, kitty cat.
What??? Who???
I'm Commander Mendelson,
leader of the Incredibly
Huge Galactic War Fleet.
The I-H-G-W-F for short.
We do not like you being here.
And to show you we mean business.
We will atomize your
craft in 5 minutes.
Any questions?
I said, "any questions!"
Only answers Mack.
Here take this!
I've been de-clawed.
Hay eh, guys.
Could you give me just a little more time.
This place is a fright and I couldn't
meet my maker looking like this.
Come on, have a heart.
I'm sorry, we of the
I-H-G-W-F, have no hearts.
We do however appreciate
the tiny ship.
We will give you seven
minutes instead of five.
Gee thanks.
Theirs not much time, I need more hands.
That it, hands.
If I could just get over to
the crew cloner here I'll,
clone a crew mate.
I hate vending machines.
Six minutes.
Hay Odie we got to do
something about this gravity.
Thats it the gravity machine.
Pull the handle.
Thats better.
Just when things look bleak
something goes right.
The plot thickens.
Five minutes!
Now to get those guns working.
Get outta' here.
Shoo, shoo.
Get back.
Why don't you guys play
in traffic or something.
Thats it!
take these guys down to
the launch platform.
Put these clones in the drones.
We'll launch an all out attack
on Commander Mendelson.
And his igwa-waga-haga-waga...
What ever.
OK commander brace yourself.
This cat has a thing or two up his sleeve.
Odie, are the drones in
place for launching?
Commander Mendelson,
Commander Mendelson, are you there?
You have three minutes.
What happened to four minutes?
Well I eh...
You what?
I had to go to the little boys room.
I have a surprise for you commander.
Take this!
Now I really got to get those guns working.
One minute.
Boy what a day.
Lost, no food a twit for a computer,
an imbecile for a crew mate
but no matter.
I'm a hero and heros don't die.
We always win our space battles.
This ought a do it.
Nice touch.
My name is Garfield and
this is my friend Odie.
I understand you boys had a rough
go of it in your last life.
Yes sir, and thats why I'm here frankly.
I know cats have nine lives
and I certainly appreciate the
opportunity to have them...
I don't think it was fair for anyone
to put us in the position we were in.
And I'm sorry but thats the way it is.
Your right.
But sir I...
I'm right???
Yes you are. You may have your life back.
Ooh, by the way,
which life was that?
You mean... w-which life
of my nine was that?
You mean you don't keep track?
Normally I do but our computers
are on the blink right now.
Why that was my um...
My first life sir.
Very well, and your
entitled to all nine lives.
And your friend there is he a cat too?
Yeah, he is.
Then so be it.
You both have all nine lives.
We have to stick together you know.
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