Generation Um... (2012) Movie Script
- I know a girl who
took a picture of hers
and she sent it
to the queen of Denmark
and made like $10,000.
- What did it look like? Her?
It was the shape of a heart.
- She shitted out a heart,
and the queen of Denmark
bought a picture of it?
- She shat out a heart.
- You don't say shat.
- You say shit.
- You say shat.
- You say shit.
- You say shat.
- You say shit. Shit. Shit.
- You say shat.
- Shit goes to shitted.
- You say shat.
- there's no shat.
- It's like die and dice.
- Sh-shshat. shsh-shit!
- She-she-she...
P shit, shit, oh, sha, sha
p sha, sha, sha, sha
p sha, sha, cha, cha, cha, cha
j' sha, sha, sha, shit
p shit, shit, shit
p shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit p
p shit, shit, sha
ashit, shit, she d
j' ashit, shit, shit - shit!
[Women scream]
- Ow!
- [Crying]
- Sorry.
Are you okay?
- It's like stars
inside my head.
- John...
- Yeah?
- Did you shat in your pants?
[Laughing]
The queen of Denmark.
- The queen of Denmark.
- Get out.
- She was a tart.
The queen of Denmark.
She loved shit,
oh, the queen of Denmark.
She wanted it so bad.
- Bye!
- You should come up.
- Mia! vie!
- Mia! Come on. vie!
- Tell him to come up.
- I have a bunch of stuff
I have to do today.
- Like what?
You're so stupid.
- Violet, come the fuck on.
[Laughter]
- I hate him!
Stupid!
[Intense instrumental music]
- [Coughing]
- Do you think John is hot?
- He needs to wake up.
[Horn honking]
- You should do him.
Let's both do him.
- Let's call him
and tell him we're both
gonna do him at the same time.
Come on!
It'll be madness!
No!
- What?
- I lost my phone!
- In my bag.
- [Groans]
This phone is shit!
- You want some water?
Slam!
- [Over radio] Women continue
to be paid less than men,
even after all the factors...
After all of those...
[Talking over radio continues]
[Dog barking]
[Men conversing indistinctly]
- What are you smiling at?
You.
- Why?
- Because you make me smile.
- Why are you always so sweet?
- Because you're always
so beautiful.
- Today, prashant,
I'm just tired.
[Women conversing indistinctly]
- So I said, "do I look like
the kind of girl
"who's going to buy bras,
"take them home, try them on,
and then try to return them?"
[Horn honking]
I tried on one bra... one bra.
- [Groans]
I'm up.
I'm gonna... win.
[Piano music]
- I'm just saying...
- Don't mess with me!
[Glugging]
[Clattering]
- [Groans]
Shit.
- Peanut!
- P super cat, super cat
p you're my little black
super cat p
p with the big waddle butt
p watch out
p here comes the super cat
there you go, super cat.
Come on, let's eat some lunch.
[Cat snarls]
[Talking over radio]
- Our top priority right now
has to be creating new jobs
and opportunities
in a fiercely competitive world.
This week, we received very good
news on that front.
We learned that the unemployment
rate has fallen
to its lowest level in nearly
two years
as our economy added another
222,000 private sector jobs
in the last month.
Now, we have a lot more work
to do.
Not just for the Americans
who still don't have a job,
but for the millions more who
still don't have the right job
or all the work they need to
live out the American dream.
But the progress we're seeing
says something...
[Radio broadcast continues]
- Caused this financial crisis
in a massive proliferation
of super complex instruments
and these cdos
and most of the worst ones
were based on sub-prime
or all day or other mortgages.
And so I'd say they're
at least...
[Paper ripping]
The first is, you establish the
most robust, most comprehensive
consumer protection
for financial products
that we have ever had.
So you would have cleaned up
the first layer
of mortgages and they would not
have been
able to engage in some
of the practices
that they were engaged in...
Second, in this bill
for securitization...
- What up, cat?
- These instruments are based on
the creator of the security
would have to retain
some ownership.
So what happened
in this crisis is.
People would generate
these things based on, say,
mortgages that they knew
were gonna fail.
But they would just sell
them off.
- [Humming]
Hey.
Did you just get in?
- No, that was you.
-Oh.
[Laughing]
Yeah.
Oh, man, this networking
stuff is crazy.
It's like that guy
with the fish, you know?
- Yeah.
No.
- You know, that guy.
Like, he's hungry,
but he doesn't know how to fish?
And then, like,
the other guy was there,
the... you know, the other guy,
the older guy, helping him out.
- Teach a man to fish.
- Yes, dude. Yeah!
That. Man, like...
Chicken of the sea.
You know? Yeah.
But look, I'm on it. Okay?
So don't worry.
- Great.
- And then, dude,
it's going to be like,
like, "yo, what you want
fo' hanukkah?"
Ricky, it's cool, man.
I'm not your parents.
- Dude, they would kill me if
they knew I was crashing here.
Whoa, birth day?
Yeah, something like that.
- Huh...
Stealthy.
- I kind of like to keep
that stuff to myself.
- How old are you anyway?
[Cackles]
Oh, man.
Did you celebrate last night?
- Nah.
- No!
I want to shove that up my ass
and store it there for a week.
- Maybe if you do,
it'll come out pink.
- No, it'll just come out
in hell.
I want to torture it
in my lower intestinal area.
I hate it!
Maybe it would vibrate
every once in a while.
I don't even care about vibrate.
I just want to smash it.
- I wonder how long
it would take your phone
to actually decompose
inside your body.
- No, that's not possible.
Our bodies are not capable
of decomposing this.
- Hey.
You want another round?
- Mm-hmm.
What have you been up to?
So...
You can borrow it.
- Drinks!
- Think about how wonderful
her life would be
if she had a cell phone
she liked.
- You're not funny.
And you're a shitty driver.
- Ow!
- We're going to the bathroom.
Stop it.
Jesus, why do you
always have to...
Behave.
Fine.
[Both moaning]
God!
[Groans]
- [Belches]
- Do you have a light?
- That was quick.
- Not quick. Efficient.
Do you have a light?
- I'm pretty sure
you can't smoke in here.
- I can do whatever I want.
Do you have a light?
- You guys know the rules
about not smoking in here.
- I can do whatever I want!
No, you can't.
Not when it comes to smoking.
Watch it, Violet.
[Glass shatters]
- Just get me a fucking...
- Just went to a bar
with some friends.
- You are so serious, man.
I love it.
Yeah.
Dude, when are you
gonna invite me out
on one of your
secretagent bar nights?
Like, hook me up
with your people.
- You really are retarded,
aren't you?
- Runs in the family, cuz.
- I wish rent ran in the family.
You know, maybe you should meet
the girls.
You and Violet'd get along.
- Cool. Dude, I love...
[Shattering]
Uh, the little TV was broken,
right?
Man, I'm cleaning today.
- [Over radio] Lyme disease
is caused by an infection
from the bacterium
borrelia burgdorferi.
It's transmitted to humans
through the bite of
an infected tick.
Symptoms include a rash,
fever, joint pain,
and headaches.
Left untreated, it can progress
to arthritis,
nerve palsy and, in some cases,
meningitis.
Most people recover after
treatment with antibiotics.
Those who report
lingering symptoms are often...
- [Moaning]
- [Over radio] So based on
that agreement,
we're planning to draw down
from the 50,000
that are a transitional
training and advising force
right now.
- Let me ask you
a question that...
If Iraq descends
into chaos and violence again,
what will be the us. Response?
Well...
- A little before 4:00
P.M.
[Alarm blaring]
[Belches]
- People, this is not
the last helicopter out of 'nam.
There will be another train.
- Just how you like it.
- Thanks.
- More ketchup?
- Sure.
- More coffee?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
O Kay?
- Thanks.
- Eyes in the back
of your head, man.
Oh, man, I keep telling you.
You gotta watch out.
World's gonna fuck you up
if you get lost in it.
- World's already fucked me up.
You're an asshole.
- Yes, I am, John.
That is how I stay
on top of my shit.
Oh, yeah.
- I organized them
alphabetically for you.
- You know,
that's funny, Jonathan.
You should write that shit down,
send it somewhere.
- Yeah.
Wow. Busy week.
I'm just the delivery boy.
- Uh-huh.
Don't shoot the messenger,
right.
- Good mood, great.
I'm happy for you.
Obama, baby. Yes, we can.
It's all possible.
- [Snoring]
[Groans]
[Sighs]
- Then I turned the lock
to the right,
opened the door,
and went down the steps,
around to the left.
You turn left again and again,
all the way down
and out of the building.
But when you come home,
you go up the steps,
and you turn right.
So when you turn left,
you're leaving,
but when you turn right,
you're coming home.
And that's nice.
But the lock is a trick.
It's almost like
you have to come home to leave.
Because you turn it right.
- Absolutely, man.
- You're totally on to something.
- It's like your patterns
repeat themselves so many times
you don't even know what
they're patterns of anymore.
- Right.
You still talking, man?
- Or maybe
you just get to a point where
your disappointment in yourself
becomes so much bigger than your
parents' disappointment in you
that you...
I don't know.
But somehow you work it
so it entitles you
to reward yourself
once in a while, but...
Only in a way
that feels like a compromise.
- Mm-hmm.
I'd like to compromise that.
- Yeah.
She's good with the ketchup too.
Did your mother drop you
on your head or something, John?
Bro, you gotta grab that booyah
where you can,
before some other dumb-ass
grabs it away from you.
All right?
Now, pattern me that, Batman.
[Laughs]
- It's all just funny
in its irony.
And it gets worse
when you get older,
this inescapable shit.
- Bro, you know.
- That's just life.
Love it or leave it.
- Nice.
You get that off some porn site
for exmilitary fucknuts?
- Yeah, all right.
It's about clarity, man.
All right? Clarity.
I mean, shit don't mean shit,
unless it means shit,
and it only means shit if you...
You need it to mean shit.
So you can get some shit done,
a'right?
[Phone plays music]
- What?
Hold that thought.
Yeah, baby, hey, what's up?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, everything's cool.
Except him...
Yeah.
Right, yeah. A lot on his mind.
Yo, do you know
how beautiful you are?
Sure, sure...
Lizzy wants to know
if you would like
to go to a party tonight, John.
- Okay.
- Are you going to bring
your girlfriends along?
- Jesus, Charles,
why do you always have to say...
Yeah...
Fine.
- Yeah, baby, he's in.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, he'll call you later
with the what, where, when...
Right, the itinerary.
Okay. Yeah, cool.
I'll talk to you later.
Ciao.
Booyah!
- So where's the clarity?
[Laidback music]
- P when the sun sets west,
| ' | | . Be looking west p
p looking far as I can see
we need two more people
right here.
Come on over here.
Come on over here.
- P when the sun sets west,
| ' | | . Be looking west p
p looking far as I can see
you ready, everybody?
[People cheering]
Okay, hula!
- What's going on?
- Only in New York.
Let's see some hula.
Hula, everybody!
Hula!
Hula.
[Woman shouts]
Keep that action going!
Stop!
And shoot!
[Cheering]
[Applause]
- Hey!
- Hey!
- Hey!
Hey, that's my camera.
[Intense instrumental music]
Stop him.
- Hey!
[Train dinging]
- Ugh!
[Dinging]
- Open the door!
[Dribbling]
[Coffee maker gurgles]
[Gurgling]
Every day
can't be a day at the fair.
Otherwise you'd get tired
of smiling.
Something like that.
My grandmother
used to tell me that.
- That Charles
is a piece of work.
- Oh, sugar,
don't listen to Charles.
He's like a fish
sucking the side of a tank
when he's trying to make sense.
Knock on the glass
and walk away.
Do you have a pen?
I want to give you the address
for the party tonight,
and I have two people on hold.
- Wait.
Yeah.
' [Giggling]
[Overlapping voices over TV]
[Ringing]
- Like, I love Paris,
and I think she's done
some great things
for the color pink
and for sequins,
but, like, the two together
kind of didn't work for me.
I don't know.
- Hey, lizzy.
- How are you, baby.
How's your day going?
- [Cackling]
[Dogs barking]
[Clicks tongue]
[Clicking]
[Tapping]
[People talking on TV]
- So help me, Paris.
[Squeaking]
- [Groans]
[Water splashing]
[Dogs barking]
[Buzzing]
.
[Buzzing]
Hey.
Find a job yet?
- [Whispers] Ah.
[Music playing]
[Tapping]
Beep!
[Rock music playing]
- P anywhere you go
p you aim to please
many people p
p anywhere
p anywhere you go
p any of the magic that I have p
-tonight...
Some of us are going
to get drinks
at the bar down the street.
You should, uh...
Come by if you want.
Late.
- What was your name again?
- Next!
[Rock music playing]
- P run all night
and run all day p
p oh, come on
come on, come on, come on p
p all right wah! P
[siren wailing]
Beep!
- P it's your birthday
p it's your birthday
p today my baby was born
hi, honey, it's your mother.
Beautiful voice.
Honey, give me a call.
I'm a little worried about you.
You don't have to talk
if you don't feel like it.
But just call and let me know
you're okay.
Oh, is Ricky with you?
Aunt Jackie been-...
Beep!
Um...
I, uh...
Like that guy...
With the fish.
[Sighs]
[Piano music]
What are you doing?
Is that a camera?
[Giggling]
[Thumping music]
- Violet!
[Muffled]
Turn that fucking music down!
[Muffled speech]
- I won't be able to hear.
- Oh, have we started?
- Yeah.
- Welcome to my life.
Okay, turn it off.
Help me move...
Wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait.
[Hip-hop music playing]
Girl's always gotta be prepared.
[Music playing]
Hey, you need a light?
- Yeah, that would be helpful.
What the fuck?
- What the fuck are you doing?
- Turn it off!
- No!
- Turn it off!
- No!
- I just don't want to talk
about that stuff.
- It'll be madness,
like the Paris Hilton show
or something.
- I don't want to be an actress.
- I cleaned the whole apartment.
- Get that camera
out of my face.
Don't yell at me.
Your voice is so annoying.
- Oh, my god. And yours isn't?
- Just don't yell at me, okay?
I want to tell you
the greatest thing ever, okay?
John...
[Muffled conversation]
- Don't get, like, mad.
- Don't get, like, freaked.
It's about you.
It's about both of us, okay?
And me too. Okay?
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Mia, move. Hide.
I'm hiding.
- Welcome to my show.
Oh, and stick the cigarette
back in your mouth.
Hey.
You need a light?
- Yeah, that would be helpful.
-Ahhh.
Okay, maybe try
and say something interesting.
[String music]
[Laughter]
- No. But seriously.
- Seriously what?
- Seriously!
Seriously. For a second.
- What? All right.
- There's nothing funny
about this situation.
- Aren't guys weird?
- I think people in general are.
- Mm.
Mm, exactly.
Tell me your philosophy on men,
women, and people.
I think it's too easy, myself,
to generalize.
- Men are...
After power.
Women are after...
Love.
And children are after...
Independence.
[Shower running]
- Where are you?
- Okay...
Hang on.
How old were you?
Um...
I don't know. I was five.
- And what happened?
- That night?
- Uh-huh.
What do you recall?
You know, just paint me
the picture.
What was it like?
- Me sitting
at the kitchen table,
eating my potatoes and peas.
- Hey, how pregnant
was your mom?
- She was about 8 1/2 months
pregnant.
- Oh, that's very pregnant.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
Very close to, um, giving birth.
And all I remember
was looking into the bedroom
after I heard my mom scream.
I got up, I went to the door,
and I looked inside,
and my dad was kicking my mom
in her stomach,
and she was... you know,
she was backing off up the wall.
And then she fell by the crib
that she had set up
for when the baby came.
And then I remember
being at the hospital
with my mom screaming in pain.
She had just given birth,
but the baby was dead.
And it was a baby girl.
And she was dead.
Yeah, the beating to her stomach
killed her.
- Oh, my.
- [Laughs]
- Don't laugh at me.
- no, I'm not laughing at you.
I'm not laughing.
I just... I don't know...
I don't know how you got through
all that stuff.
I really don't.
Well...
I don't know.
I know this is gonna sound
horrible, but...
When I was growing up, really,
I didn't even feel like...
I didn't feel like I was human.
- You know...
- What about it?
- What happened?
What prom pted that?
I don't know.
Something like, you know.
I was looking out the window,
and she told me
not to look out the window.
- And, she was ironing and...
- She was ironing and...
She came over to me
and she said,
"don't look out the window.
I told you not to
look out the window."
And then I remember
this big iron
just pushing it towards me.
It's like slo-mo. Psshhhttt!
And I don't remember the pain.
I just remember this
big, loud scream.
- A bloodcurdling scream?
- Yeah.
- You can't park here.
- Got it.
What are you doing?
- Just poking around.
- Yeah, whatever. Come on.
- Is what Mia said really true?
- Don't be an asshole.
- Is it on?
- Yeah.
Okay, well, um, we met
at a party a few months ago.
And this other girl had sort of,
just, like, disappeared.
So she moved in,
and we've been best friends
ever since.
Whatever.
I think Mia kind of
looks up to me, you know?
Why do you think...
I mean...
What is friends?
- Friendsis like
the worst fucking show on TV.
Um, why do you think...
I mean...
Like, your questions are,
like, so fucking stu...
- It's scary
when a 6-yearold...
Sees a lot
and knows your heart
and you shitted on her.
To me, she was just
this disturbed person and...
I couldn't hate her.
You know? All I know...
All I could think was that...
Is that
I had to feel sorry for her.
Because I know, you know,
how my dad treated her
and how she suffered.
So I couldn't hate her because
this was the only way
that she was going
to let out her hurt,
let out her frustrations, so...
So I would take the bull
on everything
and try to be strong and say,
"hey, it's okay."
And just take it.
There were times when
I really, really hated my mom.
And I had thoughts of,
you know...
I don't want to say killing her
but just, you know...
Pushing her and saying.
"Fuck you!"
- Do you ever think that, like,
maybe at this point
in your life, um...
Like, saying that,
like, telling her
how you felt about all of this?
- It's too late.
It's too late for that.
She... I don't know.
She's transformed herself.
She's a different person now.
I don't even know her anymore.
But, Mia, honestly...
- It's like she's-
you know, she's written...
She's erased it all and
written over it in Jesus ink.
- But I mean, just...
Like, don't you think it would
matter just if you said,
"look, this is what
I think you did to me and..."
- You know what I'm saying?
- She'd just ignore it.
Fine. Let her ignore it.
- Let her ignore it.
- She'd just ignore it.
- I'm just saying...
I'm just saying
I would just want her to know.
I would want to say
what I felt to her.
- She would ignore it.
- Just the coffee.
Thanks.
[Peeing]
- This part will be seen
by no one but us three, right?
- Sure.
- Lie. Lie.
Lie...
[Piano music]
- It's weird
that you're so unemotional
when you talk about stuff
like this.
- It's because I've gone over it
again and again in my head,
and...
It's just, you know...
- Did it ever hit you?
It's like a movie, you know?
Yeah, I've cried.
I've cried all my tears.
I've, you know,
stayed up all night
not able to sleep.
Cried till I had
no more tears left.
- What did you cry about?
- Mostly about my dad.
Because he was the only one
that really understood me.
He was the only one that...
That ever, you know...
That ever loved me.
And didn't hurt me.
And...
You know,
like, although he did all these
terrible, terrible things,
he was a very curious person
to me.
A very interesting person.
He was very intelligent
and very artistic.
You know, and I knew
I was so much like him.
Nothing like my mother.
- [Sighs]
When you're with a guy,
do you...
See your dad in him?
- No.
Sorry.
[Guitar strumming]
- Okay, but, I mean,
it's just what you...
I'm not discussing that.
- Okay.
- It's just that...
I don't know who's going
to be seeing this stuff.
- If anyone.
What do you want
to talk about next?
I don't know.
What do you want to talk about?
- Let's talk about...
- All I knew was
it hurt.
And the second time
he penetrated me,
and I was screaming,
it hurt so bad.
And I thought, oh, my god.
This is supposed to be
pleasurable."
And it turned me off
immediately.
And I mean, I looked down,
and I saw this pool of blood
coming from between my legs.
And I just thought,
"oh, my god."
And his name was Jim.
And he went, "wow."
And I just...
"Oh, my god.
It looks like you killed
somebody on these sheets."
And he went, "yeah."
Apparently he really loved me,
and he asked me to marry him,
so of course I left him
immediately for some other guy.
How old were you?
- I was 19.
- You were a virgin at 19?
- Yeah.
- They say that
if you're a virgin
and you lose your virginity
to your first love
that after experiencing
the loss of your virginity,
you actually grow
to hate that guy,
because you want it back,
and you didn't realize
how much you wanted it,
like how precious it was,
until it's gone.
- Didn't it hurt?
I don't know.
Wow.
Mmm.
- Well, I think it's
a lot different for guys,
though, don't you?
I mean, I really do.
I mean, I just think that
that guy is not feeling
your pain.
- No.
- I mean, that guy I was with,
he was not feeling my pain.
They're just thinking
about scoring.
- Exactly! He was just thinking
about getting laid.
I'm just going to date women
from now on.
- What do you think
attracts you to guys who...
Who just want to fuck you
and ditch you?
- Pardon?
- I mean.
Is that an attractive quality
in a guy?
Do you look for that?
Like, someone,
do you look at somebody and
think he just wants to score?
- No, I don't think
that's attractive.
I think it's disgusting.
- I look for personality
in a guy.
He's got to have a really good
sense of humor.
- I mean, I was just
going to say.
Okay, I could care less
what a guy looks like.
I really could care less.
I don't have a type. I don't...
I don't care about height.
I don't...
As long as
they're taller than me.
I know a lot of guys
that have major egos.
And you know what?
I think there's a great art
in humility, actually.
Don't you think so, Mia?
I mean, there's a great art
in being humble
even if you're gorgeous,
even if you're smart, whatever.
Just like, taking the compliment
and going,
"yeah" as opposed to
"yeah, I'm so great."
You know, I mean.
I just couldn't do that.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Do you know what I mean?
- No, I don't know
what you mean.
You're being totally confusing.
No, I'm not.
Mia knows what I'm saying.
Okay, well, maybe it's like
some subtle female language.
-Oh!
What we're saying is that we
know a lot of guys.
Okay, I'm saying, okay.
Okay, hang on a minute.
[Both exhale sharply]
- Here's what I am saying.
- What?
- I know a lot of guys that
think they're so fucking hot,
they're like the greatest thing,
whatever.
Whatever.
I mean, maybe they are gorgeous
and smart
and maybe they are smart
and good looking, whatever!
I'm just saying that...
I agree.
- That when
when a person is humble,
a man or a woman,
that is a far greater quality
than having a major ego.
Now do I make sense?
Okay, wow.
Let me ask you a question.
All right?
Okay, so...
' [Giggling]
Ask the question.
- Okay.
So...
If you were to take a look
at all the people
- you've been intimate with...
- Yeah.
- Over, say,
the last five or ten years,
how many were your ideal?
How many fall into
that humble category?
Well, none, obviously.
Because if there were an ideal,
I'd be with that person.
I don't know how many people
I've slept with.
I'd say probably close
to 200 guys.
- 200? yeah. Yeah.
Oh, don't worry.
I've been safe with them all.
You know, condoms,
the whole nine yards.
- Rubber gloves.
- Rubber gloves, you name it.
Nonoxynol-9. Whatever.
Yeah, at this point 200 guys
and, like, 3 girls.
- Three girls?
- Yeah.
- Do you know all their names?
- Hmm?
- Do you know all their names?
Man, if they stretched a line
of all those dicks together,
they could walk to the moon.
- God is dead and no one cares.
- [Sobbing]
- I didn't mean anything
by that.
Just shut up for once, okay?
- Okay.
- I can't believe I'm crying.
- I can't remember
the last time I...
How does it feel?
- I feel...
Good.
Almost good, you know...
Honest.
[Giggling]
It feels good to not...
Just... you know.
To just...
Just be myself for a change.
Who are you usually?
[Acoustic guitar music]
Snap!
[Crunching]
Happy birthday.
Happy birthday.
Happy birthday.
[Buzzing]
Yeah?
- John, I love this cat man.
- Yeah, kitty is good.
Yo, are you up for drinks yet?
You should bring
your girls, man.
- Yeah, actually, I was thinking
of maybe asking them over
for some food.
You up for cooking?
[Water running]
[Loud sniffling]
- I had this incredible story
that I was supposed
to tell tonight,
and this was supposed to be
the part...
- Mia, you think
we should go soon?
Just give us the short version.
My mother locked me
in a basement.
I came to my senses.
I escaped.
I told everyone, "piss off."
I ran away,
started my own life.
I made a lot of mistakes.
But I learned from my mistakes.
And now I'm a strong,
independent woman.
- Mia! We have to go!
Just don't hate me
'cause I'm beautiful.
I don't hate you.
I'm just confused by you.
- Mia!
- Passionable.
Passionable.
- We have to go.
- Passionable.
Animal!
Like me.
What is passion?
- Come on!
Come on!
[Stomping]
[Laughter]
Come on.
This is immortalized
on tape forever.
- We make
horrible fucking actresses.
- No, we make
brilliant fucking actresses.
Okay. Good is good enough.
Whatever.
How do I zoom on this thing,
John?
- Here.
- So much effort.
So little appreciation.
- This dress is so tight.
Are you getting fat, Violet?
- Yeah, my ass
is getting bigger.
-Oh.
- My body thinks
it's getting pregnant.
But it's not,
so my ass is getting bigger.
- You're getting pregnant
in your ass?
- Ha ha ha ha.
- Where the fuck are we?
- Suite 623.
- Kaboom. Ah!
Bam.
[Whispers] Whoo.
[Knocking]
[Pounding]
[Shouting and music playing]
- Hey.
Who's Mr. Big tonight?
Anything else is extra, okay,
in cash.
- Congratulations.
- Get over there.
[Cheers and applause]
[Guys hooting]
- [Groans]
- No touching.
- Sorry.
[Moaning]
[Heavy breathing]
- I wanna put it in your ass!
- That costs extra.
[Buzzing]
- You ready?
- Where are you? We're waiting.
- The security guy
evicted me again.
- Hurry the fuck up.
- Right.
- I think in a weird way,
he's jealous.
- Drive.
- That's for you.
- Thanks.
- Hey, lizzy.
Yeah, all good.
Yeah, I'm around tomorrow.
Cool.
You too.
Bye.
- I hate the suburbs.
You guys want some food?
- If it's on the way to a bar.
That pasta dinner...
- Wasn't it good?
- Wasn't it good?
- It's amazing.
- It's my specialty.
- Now we're turning round
the lens.
- I have a question to ask.
- yeah...
Oh, we've got a few questions.
Babe.
- All right.
- Number one...
- Okay.
- What is friends?
- What is friends?
- Oh, that's good.
I like that.
Why don't you talk more?
- Good question.
- That was a great answer.
- The two of you were making up
for me.
There's only like a fine...
- So, Rick.
- We have John's room.
-Oh.
- See, this is the potential
of John.
- What the fuck is this?
Oh, my god.
This thing, it's like...
It's like
a sheet over...
- Violet has found her place.
She has found her place.
- No, I haven't.
- Look at this. Look at this.
John wall...
- [Screams]
All "as. oh, my god!
Look that guy.
- I knew he was intelligent.
- Why do you keep that?
- Why do I keep this?
Um... it's, uh...
It was my... this was my zenith.
This is where... this is where...
- Can we just get a...
- Can we get a close-up
of a before and after picture?
- Oh, my god.
- Oh, yeah.
- After a haircut.
Can you get that?
Look at that. Look at that.
This guy got straight "a" s.
[Laughter]
- What? What?
How did you...
You've been in my fucking room?
No, I have not. Iwell...
I'm glad John and I
are finally hanging out
because he's my friend
and he's my cousin.
And I don't know.
He's a cool guy.
- Oh. What do you do?
- The job search?
- Yeah, how's
the job search coming?
- Uh...
How do I do it?
- I'm sure you know.
- Oh, yeah, I do.
- Oh, that's good.
No, just take it off.
Just take it off.
Don't undo any more.
She's bossy.
[Laughter]
- Your favorite.
[Laughs]
You are.
[Kissing noises]
See, that's 'cause I forgot.
That's 'cause I forgot
our first kiss.
- Except I add my own
secret ingredient.
- And I know it happened,
but I forgot.
P he's the luckiest guy
- p he's the luckiest guy
- p he's the luckiest guy
[laughter]
- P he's the luckiest guy
- p he's the luckiest guy
- p on the lower east side
- p on the lower east side
both: P 'cause he's got wheels
and we want to go for a ride p
- you fucked it up.
- I'm really bad.
- Okay, again.
- No, I can't concentrate.
- Get in there, buddy.
Best seat in the house.
- Okay. you earned it.
P he's the luckiest guy
- p he's the luckiest guy
- p on the lower east side
- p on the lower east side
- p he's got wheels
- p he's got wheels
- p wanna go for a ride
- p we wanna go for a ride
p he's the luckiest guy
- p he's the luckiest guy
- p on the lower east side
- p on the lower east side p
- p 'cause he's got wheels
- p 'cause he's got wheels
p and we wanna go for a ride
- where's the cat?
- Where is the cat?
took a picture of hers
and she sent it
to the queen of Denmark
and made like $10,000.
- What did it look like? Her?
It was the shape of a heart.
- She shitted out a heart,
and the queen of Denmark
bought a picture of it?
- She shat out a heart.
- You don't say shat.
- You say shit.
- You say shat.
- You say shit.
- You say shat.
- You say shit. Shit. Shit.
- You say shat.
- Shit goes to shitted.
- You say shat.
- there's no shat.
- It's like die and dice.
- Sh-shshat. shsh-shit!
- She-she-she...
P shit, shit, oh, sha, sha
p sha, sha, sha, sha
p sha, sha, cha, cha, cha, cha
j' sha, sha, sha, shit
p shit, shit, shit
p shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit p
p shit, shit, sha
ashit, shit, she d
j' ashit, shit, shit - shit!
[Women scream]
- Ow!
- [Crying]
- Sorry.
Are you okay?
- It's like stars
inside my head.
- John...
- Yeah?
- Did you shat in your pants?
[Laughing]
The queen of Denmark.
- The queen of Denmark.
- Get out.
- She was a tart.
The queen of Denmark.
She loved shit,
oh, the queen of Denmark.
She wanted it so bad.
- Bye!
- You should come up.
- Mia! vie!
- Mia! Come on. vie!
- Tell him to come up.
- I have a bunch of stuff
I have to do today.
- Like what?
You're so stupid.
- Violet, come the fuck on.
[Laughter]
- I hate him!
Stupid!
[Intense instrumental music]
- [Coughing]
- Do you think John is hot?
- He needs to wake up.
[Horn honking]
- You should do him.
Let's both do him.
- Let's call him
and tell him we're both
gonna do him at the same time.
Come on!
It'll be madness!
No!
- What?
- I lost my phone!
- In my bag.
- [Groans]
This phone is shit!
- You want some water?
Slam!
- [Over radio] Women continue
to be paid less than men,
even after all the factors...
After all of those...
[Talking over radio continues]
[Dog barking]
[Men conversing indistinctly]
- What are you smiling at?
You.
- Why?
- Because you make me smile.
- Why are you always so sweet?
- Because you're always
so beautiful.
- Today, prashant,
I'm just tired.
[Women conversing indistinctly]
- So I said, "do I look like
the kind of girl
"who's going to buy bras,
"take them home, try them on,
and then try to return them?"
[Horn honking]
I tried on one bra... one bra.
- [Groans]
I'm up.
I'm gonna... win.
[Piano music]
- I'm just saying...
- Don't mess with me!
[Glugging]
[Clattering]
- [Groans]
Shit.
- Peanut!
- P super cat, super cat
p you're my little black
super cat p
p with the big waddle butt
p watch out
p here comes the super cat
there you go, super cat.
Come on, let's eat some lunch.
[Cat snarls]
[Talking over radio]
- Our top priority right now
has to be creating new jobs
and opportunities
in a fiercely competitive world.
This week, we received very good
news on that front.
We learned that the unemployment
rate has fallen
to its lowest level in nearly
two years
as our economy added another
222,000 private sector jobs
in the last month.
Now, we have a lot more work
to do.
Not just for the Americans
who still don't have a job,
but for the millions more who
still don't have the right job
or all the work they need to
live out the American dream.
But the progress we're seeing
says something...
[Radio broadcast continues]
- Caused this financial crisis
in a massive proliferation
of super complex instruments
and these cdos
and most of the worst ones
were based on sub-prime
or all day or other mortgages.
And so I'd say they're
at least...
[Paper ripping]
The first is, you establish the
most robust, most comprehensive
consumer protection
for financial products
that we have ever had.
So you would have cleaned up
the first layer
of mortgages and they would not
have been
able to engage in some
of the practices
that they were engaged in...
Second, in this bill
for securitization...
- What up, cat?
- These instruments are based on
the creator of the security
would have to retain
some ownership.
So what happened
in this crisis is.
People would generate
these things based on, say,
mortgages that they knew
were gonna fail.
But they would just sell
them off.
- [Humming]
Hey.
Did you just get in?
- No, that was you.
-Oh.
[Laughing]
Yeah.
Oh, man, this networking
stuff is crazy.
It's like that guy
with the fish, you know?
- Yeah.
No.
- You know, that guy.
Like, he's hungry,
but he doesn't know how to fish?
And then, like,
the other guy was there,
the... you know, the other guy,
the older guy, helping him out.
- Teach a man to fish.
- Yes, dude. Yeah!
That. Man, like...
Chicken of the sea.
You know? Yeah.
But look, I'm on it. Okay?
So don't worry.
- Great.
- And then, dude,
it's going to be like,
like, "yo, what you want
fo' hanukkah?"
Ricky, it's cool, man.
I'm not your parents.
- Dude, they would kill me if
they knew I was crashing here.
Whoa, birth day?
Yeah, something like that.
- Huh...
Stealthy.
- I kind of like to keep
that stuff to myself.
- How old are you anyway?
[Cackles]
Oh, man.
Did you celebrate last night?
- Nah.
- No!
I want to shove that up my ass
and store it there for a week.
- Maybe if you do,
it'll come out pink.
- No, it'll just come out
in hell.
I want to torture it
in my lower intestinal area.
I hate it!
Maybe it would vibrate
every once in a while.
I don't even care about vibrate.
I just want to smash it.
- I wonder how long
it would take your phone
to actually decompose
inside your body.
- No, that's not possible.
Our bodies are not capable
of decomposing this.
- Hey.
You want another round?
- Mm-hmm.
What have you been up to?
So...
You can borrow it.
- Drinks!
- Think about how wonderful
her life would be
if she had a cell phone
she liked.
- You're not funny.
And you're a shitty driver.
- Ow!
- We're going to the bathroom.
Stop it.
Jesus, why do you
always have to...
Behave.
Fine.
[Both moaning]
God!
[Groans]
- [Belches]
- Do you have a light?
- That was quick.
- Not quick. Efficient.
Do you have a light?
- I'm pretty sure
you can't smoke in here.
- I can do whatever I want.
Do you have a light?
- You guys know the rules
about not smoking in here.
- I can do whatever I want!
No, you can't.
Not when it comes to smoking.
Watch it, Violet.
[Glass shatters]
- Just get me a fucking...
- Just went to a bar
with some friends.
- You are so serious, man.
I love it.
Yeah.
Dude, when are you
gonna invite me out
on one of your
secretagent bar nights?
Like, hook me up
with your people.
- You really are retarded,
aren't you?
- Runs in the family, cuz.
- I wish rent ran in the family.
You know, maybe you should meet
the girls.
You and Violet'd get along.
- Cool. Dude, I love...
[Shattering]
Uh, the little TV was broken,
right?
Man, I'm cleaning today.
- [Over radio] Lyme disease
is caused by an infection
from the bacterium
borrelia burgdorferi.
It's transmitted to humans
through the bite of
an infected tick.
Symptoms include a rash,
fever, joint pain,
and headaches.
Left untreated, it can progress
to arthritis,
nerve palsy and, in some cases,
meningitis.
Most people recover after
treatment with antibiotics.
Those who report
lingering symptoms are often...
- [Moaning]
- [Over radio] So based on
that agreement,
we're planning to draw down
from the 50,000
that are a transitional
training and advising force
right now.
- Let me ask you
a question that...
If Iraq descends
into chaos and violence again,
what will be the us. Response?
Well...
- A little before 4:00
P.M.
[Alarm blaring]
[Belches]
- People, this is not
the last helicopter out of 'nam.
There will be another train.
- Just how you like it.
- Thanks.
- More ketchup?
- Sure.
- More coffee?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
O Kay?
- Thanks.
- Eyes in the back
of your head, man.
Oh, man, I keep telling you.
You gotta watch out.
World's gonna fuck you up
if you get lost in it.
- World's already fucked me up.
You're an asshole.
- Yes, I am, John.
That is how I stay
on top of my shit.
Oh, yeah.
- I organized them
alphabetically for you.
- You know,
that's funny, Jonathan.
You should write that shit down,
send it somewhere.
- Yeah.
Wow. Busy week.
I'm just the delivery boy.
- Uh-huh.
Don't shoot the messenger,
right.
- Good mood, great.
I'm happy for you.
Obama, baby. Yes, we can.
It's all possible.
- [Snoring]
[Groans]
[Sighs]
- Then I turned the lock
to the right,
opened the door,
and went down the steps,
around to the left.
You turn left again and again,
all the way down
and out of the building.
But when you come home,
you go up the steps,
and you turn right.
So when you turn left,
you're leaving,
but when you turn right,
you're coming home.
And that's nice.
But the lock is a trick.
It's almost like
you have to come home to leave.
Because you turn it right.
- Absolutely, man.
- You're totally on to something.
- It's like your patterns
repeat themselves so many times
you don't even know what
they're patterns of anymore.
- Right.
You still talking, man?
- Or maybe
you just get to a point where
your disappointment in yourself
becomes so much bigger than your
parents' disappointment in you
that you...
I don't know.
But somehow you work it
so it entitles you
to reward yourself
once in a while, but...
Only in a way
that feels like a compromise.
- Mm-hmm.
I'd like to compromise that.
- Yeah.
She's good with the ketchup too.
Did your mother drop you
on your head or something, John?
Bro, you gotta grab that booyah
where you can,
before some other dumb-ass
grabs it away from you.
All right?
Now, pattern me that, Batman.
[Laughs]
- It's all just funny
in its irony.
And it gets worse
when you get older,
this inescapable shit.
- Bro, you know.
- That's just life.
Love it or leave it.
- Nice.
You get that off some porn site
for exmilitary fucknuts?
- Yeah, all right.
It's about clarity, man.
All right? Clarity.
I mean, shit don't mean shit,
unless it means shit,
and it only means shit if you...
You need it to mean shit.
So you can get some shit done,
a'right?
[Phone plays music]
- What?
Hold that thought.
Yeah, baby, hey, what's up?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, everything's cool.
Except him...
Yeah.
Right, yeah. A lot on his mind.
Yo, do you know
how beautiful you are?
Sure, sure...
Lizzy wants to know
if you would like
to go to a party tonight, John.
- Okay.
- Are you going to bring
your girlfriends along?
- Jesus, Charles,
why do you always have to say...
Yeah...
Fine.
- Yeah, baby, he's in.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, he'll call you later
with the what, where, when...
Right, the itinerary.
Okay. Yeah, cool.
I'll talk to you later.
Ciao.
Booyah!
- So where's the clarity?
[Laidback music]
- P when the sun sets west,
| ' | | . Be looking west p
p looking far as I can see
we need two more people
right here.
Come on over here.
Come on over here.
- P when the sun sets west,
| ' | | . Be looking west p
p looking far as I can see
you ready, everybody?
[People cheering]
Okay, hula!
- What's going on?
- Only in New York.
Let's see some hula.
Hula, everybody!
Hula!
Hula.
[Woman shouts]
Keep that action going!
Stop!
And shoot!
[Cheering]
[Applause]
- Hey!
- Hey!
- Hey!
Hey, that's my camera.
[Intense instrumental music]
Stop him.
- Hey!
[Train dinging]
- Ugh!
[Dinging]
- Open the door!
[Dribbling]
[Coffee maker gurgles]
[Gurgling]
Every day
can't be a day at the fair.
Otherwise you'd get tired
of smiling.
Something like that.
My grandmother
used to tell me that.
- That Charles
is a piece of work.
- Oh, sugar,
don't listen to Charles.
He's like a fish
sucking the side of a tank
when he's trying to make sense.
Knock on the glass
and walk away.
Do you have a pen?
I want to give you the address
for the party tonight,
and I have two people on hold.
- Wait.
Yeah.
' [Giggling]
[Overlapping voices over TV]
[Ringing]
- Like, I love Paris,
and I think she's done
some great things
for the color pink
and for sequins,
but, like, the two together
kind of didn't work for me.
I don't know.
- Hey, lizzy.
- How are you, baby.
How's your day going?
- [Cackling]
[Dogs barking]
[Clicks tongue]
[Clicking]
[Tapping]
[People talking on TV]
- So help me, Paris.
[Squeaking]
- [Groans]
[Water splashing]
[Dogs barking]
[Buzzing]
.
[Buzzing]
Hey.
Find a job yet?
- [Whispers] Ah.
[Music playing]
[Tapping]
Beep!
[Rock music playing]
- P anywhere you go
p you aim to please
many people p
p anywhere
p anywhere you go
p any of the magic that I have p
-tonight...
Some of us are going
to get drinks
at the bar down the street.
You should, uh...
Come by if you want.
Late.
- What was your name again?
- Next!
[Rock music playing]
- P run all night
and run all day p
p oh, come on
come on, come on, come on p
p all right wah! P
[siren wailing]
Beep!
- P it's your birthday
p it's your birthday
p today my baby was born
hi, honey, it's your mother.
Beautiful voice.
Honey, give me a call.
I'm a little worried about you.
You don't have to talk
if you don't feel like it.
But just call and let me know
you're okay.
Oh, is Ricky with you?
Aunt Jackie been-...
Beep!
Um...
I, uh...
Like that guy...
With the fish.
[Sighs]
[Piano music]
What are you doing?
Is that a camera?
[Giggling]
[Thumping music]
- Violet!
[Muffled]
Turn that fucking music down!
[Muffled speech]
- I won't be able to hear.
- Oh, have we started?
- Yeah.
- Welcome to my life.
Okay, turn it off.
Help me move...
Wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait.
[Hip-hop music playing]
Girl's always gotta be prepared.
[Music playing]
Hey, you need a light?
- Yeah, that would be helpful.
What the fuck?
- What the fuck are you doing?
- Turn it off!
- No!
- Turn it off!
- No!
- I just don't want to talk
about that stuff.
- It'll be madness,
like the Paris Hilton show
or something.
- I don't want to be an actress.
- I cleaned the whole apartment.
- Get that camera
out of my face.
Don't yell at me.
Your voice is so annoying.
- Oh, my god. And yours isn't?
- Just don't yell at me, okay?
I want to tell you
the greatest thing ever, okay?
John...
[Muffled conversation]
- Don't get, like, mad.
- Don't get, like, freaked.
It's about you.
It's about both of us, okay?
And me too. Okay?
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Mia, move. Hide.
I'm hiding.
- Welcome to my show.
Oh, and stick the cigarette
back in your mouth.
Hey.
You need a light?
- Yeah, that would be helpful.
-Ahhh.
Okay, maybe try
and say something interesting.
[String music]
[Laughter]
- No. But seriously.
- Seriously what?
- Seriously!
Seriously. For a second.
- What? All right.
- There's nothing funny
about this situation.
- Aren't guys weird?
- I think people in general are.
- Mm.
Mm, exactly.
Tell me your philosophy on men,
women, and people.
I think it's too easy, myself,
to generalize.
- Men are...
After power.
Women are after...
Love.
And children are after...
Independence.
[Shower running]
- Where are you?
- Okay...
Hang on.
How old were you?
Um...
I don't know. I was five.
- And what happened?
- That night?
- Uh-huh.
What do you recall?
You know, just paint me
the picture.
What was it like?
- Me sitting
at the kitchen table,
eating my potatoes and peas.
- Hey, how pregnant
was your mom?
- She was about 8 1/2 months
pregnant.
- Oh, that's very pregnant.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
Very close to, um, giving birth.
And all I remember
was looking into the bedroom
after I heard my mom scream.
I got up, I went to the door,
and I looked inside,
and my dad was kicking my mom
in her stomach,
and she was... you know,
she was backing off up the wall.
And then she fell by the crib
that she had set up
for when the baby came.
And then I remember
being at the hospital
with my mom screaming in pain.
She had just given birth,
but the baby was dead.
And it was a baby girl.
And she was dead.
Yeah, the beating to her stomach
killed her.
- Oh, my.
- [Laughs]
- Don't laugh at me.
- no, I'm not laughing at you.
I'm not laughing.
I just... I don't know...
I don't know how you got through
all that stuff.
I really don't.
Well...
I don't know.
I know this is gonna sound
horrible, but...
When I was growing up, really,
I didn't even feel like...
I didn't feel like I was human.
- You know...
- What about it?
- What happened?
What prom pted that?
I don't know.
Something like, you know.
I was looking out the window,
and she told me
not to look out the window.
- And, she was ironing and...
- She was ironing and...
She came over to me
and she said,
"don't look out the window.
I told you not to
look out the window."
And then I remember
this big iron
just pushing it towards me.
It's like slo-mo. Psshhhttt!
And I don't remember the pain.
I just remember this
big, loud scream.
- A bloodcurdling scream?
- Yeah.
- You can't park here.
- Got it.
What are you doing?
- Just poking around.
- Yeah, whatever. Come on.
- Is what Mia said really true?
- Don't be an asshole.
- Is it on?
- Yeah.
Okay, well, um, we met
at a party a few months ago.
And this other girl had sort of,
just, like, disappeared.
So she moved in,
and we've been best friends
ever since.
Whatever.
I think Mia kind of
looks up to me, you know?
Why do you think...
I mean...
What is friends?
- Friendsis like
the worst fucking show on TV.
Um, why do you think...
I mean...
Like, your questions are,
like, so fucking stu...
- It's scary
when a 6-yearold...
Sees a lot
and knows your heart
and you shitted on her.
To me, she was just
this disturbed person and...
I couldn't hate her.
You know? All I know...
All I could think was that...
Is that
I had to feel sorry for her.
Because I know, you know,
how my dad treated her
and how she suffered.
So I couldn't hate her because
this was the only way
that she was going
to let out her hurt,
let out her frustrations, so...
So I would take the bull
on everything
and try to be strong and say,
"hey, it's okay."
And just take it.
There were times when
I really, really hated my mom.
And I had thoughts of,
you know...
I don't want to say killing her
but just, you know...
Pushing her and saying.
"Fuck you!"
- Do you ever think that, like,
maybe at this point
in your life, um...
Like, saying that,
like, telling her
how you felt about all of this?
- It's too late.
It's too late for that.
She... I don't know.
She's transformed herself.
She's a different person now.
I don't even know her anymore.
But, Mia, honestly...
- It's like she's-
you know, she's written...
She's erased it all and
written over it in Jesus ink.
- But I mean, just...
Like, don't you think it would
matter just if you said,
"look, this is what
I think you did to me and..."
- You know what I'm saying?
- She'd just ignore it.
Fine. Let her ignore it.
- Let her ignore it.
- She'd just ignore it.
- I'm just saying...
I'm just saying
I would just want her to know.
I would want to say
what I felt to her.
- She would ignore it.
- Just the coffee.
Thanks.
[Peeing]
- This part will be seen
by no one but us three, right?
- Sure.
- Lie. Lie.
Lie...
[Piano music]
- It's weird
that you're so unemotional
when you talk about stuff
like this.
- It's because I've gone over it
again and again in my head,
and...
It's just, you know...
- Did it ever hit you?
It's like a movie, you know?
Yeah, I've cried.
I've cried all my tears.
I've, you know,
stayed up all night
not able to sleep.
Cried till I had
no more tears left.
- What did you cry about?
- Mostly about my dad.
Because he was the only one
that really understood me.
He was the only one that...
That ever, you know...
That ever loved me.
And didn't hurt me.
And...
You know,
like, although he did all these
terrible, terrible things,
he was a very curious person
to me.
A very interesting person.
He was very intelligent
and very artistic.
You know, and I knew
I was so much like him.
Nothing like my mother.
- [Sighs]
When you're with a guy,
do you...
See your dad in him?
- No.
Sorry.
[Guitar strumming]
- Okay, but, I mean,
it's just what you...
I'm not discussing that.
- Okay.
- It's just that...
I don't know who's going
to be seeing this stuff.
- If anyone.
What do you want
to talk about next?
I don't know.
What do you want to talk about?
- Let's talk about...
- All I knew was
it hurt.
And the second time
he penetrated me,
and I was screaming,
it hurt so bad.
And I thought, oh, my god.
This is supposed to be
pleasurable."
And it turned me off
immediately.
And I mean, I looked down,
and I saw this pool of blood
coming from between my legs.
And I just thought,
"oh, my god."
And his name was Jim.
And he went, "wow."
And I just...
"Oh, my god.
It looks like you killed
somebody on these sheets."
And he went, "yeah."
Apparently he really loved me,
and he asked me to marry him,
so of course I left him
immediately for some other guy.
How old were you?
- I was 19.
- You were a virgin at 19?
- Yeah.
- They say that
if you're a virgin
and you lose your virginity
to your first love
that after experiencing
the loss of your virginity,
you actually grow
to hate that guy,
because you want it back,
and you didn't realize
how much you wanted it,
like how precious it was,
until it's gone.
- Didn't it hurt?
I don't know.
Wow.
Mmm.
- Well, I think it's
a lot different for guys,
though, don't you?
I mean, I really do.
I mean, I just think that
that guy is not feeling
your pain.
- No.
- I mean, that guy I was with,
he was not feeling my pain.
They're just thinking
about scoring.
- Exactly! He was just thinking
about getting laid.
I'm just going to date women
from now on.
- What do you think
attracts you to guys who...
Who just want to fuck you
and ditch you?
- Pardon?
- I mean.
Is that an attractive quality
in a guy?
Do you look for that?
Like, someone,
do you look at somebody and
think he just wants to score?
- No, I don't think
that's attractive.
I think it's disgusting.
- I look for personality
in a guy.
He's got to have a really good
sense of humor.
- I mean, I was just
going to say.
Okay, I could care less
what a guy looks like.
I really could care less.
I don't have a type. I don't...
I don't care about height.
I don't...
As long as
they're taller than me.
I know a lot of guys
that have major egos.
And you know what?
I think there's a great art
in humility, actually.
Don't you think so, Mia?
I mean, there's a great art
in being humble
even if you're gorgeous,
even if you're smart, whatever.
Just like, taking the compliment
and going,
"yeah" as opposed to
"yeah, I'm so great."
You know, I mean.
I just couldn't do that.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Do you know what I mean?
- No, I don't know
what you mean.
You're being totally confusing.
No, I'm not.
Mia knows what I'm saying.
Okay, well, maybe it's like
some subtle female language.
-Oh!
What we're saying is that we
know a lot of guys.
Okay, I'm saying, okay.
Okay, hang on a minute.
[Both exhale sharply]
- Here's what I am saying.
- What?
- I know a lot of guys that
think they're so fucking hot,
they're like the greatest thing,
whatever.
Whatever.
I mean, maybe they are gorgeous
and smart
and maybe they are smart
and good looking, whatever!
I'm just saying that...
I agree.
- That when
when a person is humble,
a man or a woman,
that is a far greater quality
than having a major ego.
Now do I make sense?
Okay, wow.
Let me ask you a question.
All right?
Okay, so...
' [Giggling]
Ask the question.
- Okay.
So...
If you were to take a look
at all the people
- you've been intimate with...
- Yeah.
- Over, say,
the last five or ten years,
how many were your ideal?
How many fall into
that humble category?
Well, none, obviously.
Because if there were an ideal,
I'd be with that person.
I don't know how many people
I've slept with.
I'd say probably close
to 200 guys.
- 200? yeah. Yeah.
Oh, don't worry.
I've been safe with them all.
You know, condoms,
the whole nine yards.
- Rubber gloves.
- Rubber gloves, you name it.
Nonoxynol-9. Whatever.
Yeah, at this point 200 guys
and, like, 3 girls.
- Three girls?
- Yeah.
- Do you know all their names?
- Hmm?
- Do you know all their names?
Man, if they stretched a line
of all those dicks together,
they could walk to the moon.
- God is dead and no one cares.
- [Sobbing]
- I didn't mean anything
by that.
Just shut up for once, okay?
- Okay.
- I can't believe I'm crying.
- I can't remember
the last time I...
How does it feel?
- I feel...
Good.
Almost good, you know...
Honest.
[Giggling]
It feels good to not...
Just... you know.
To just...
Just be myself for a change.
Who are you usually?
[Acoustic guitar music]
Snap!
[Crunching]
Happy birthday.
Happy birthday.
Happy birthday.
[Buzzing]
Yeah?
- John, I love this cat man.
- Yeah, kitty is good.
Yo, are you up for drinks yet?
You should bring
your girls, man.
- Yeah, actually, I was thinking
of maybe asking them over
for some food.
You up for cooking?
[Water running]
[Loud sniffling]
- I had this incredible story
that I was supposed
to tell tonight,
and this was supposed to be
the part...
- Mia, you think
we should go soon?
Just give us the short version.
My mother locked me
in a basement.
I came to my senses.
I escaped.
I told everyone, "piss off."
I ran away,
started my own life.
I made a lot of mistakes.
But I learned from my mistakes.
And now I'm a strong,
independent woman.
- Mia! We have to go!
Just don't hate me
'cause I'm beautiful.
I don't hate you.
I'm just confused by you.
- Mia!
- Passionable.
Passionable.
- We have to go.
- Passionable.
Animal!
Like me.
What is passion?
- Come on!
Come on!
[Stomping]
[Laughter]
Come on.
This is immortalized
on tape forever.
- We make
horrible fucking actresses.
- No, we make
brilliant fucking actresses.
Okay. Good is good enough.
Whatever.
How do I zoom on this thing,
John?
- Here.
- So much effort.
So little appreciation.
- This dress is so tight.
Are you getting fat, Violet?
- Yeah, my ass
is getting bigger.
-Oh.
- My body thinks
it's getting pregnant.
But it's not,
so my ass is getting bigger.
- You're getting pregnant
in your ass?
- Ha ha ha ha.
- Where the fuck are we?
- Suite 623.
- Kaboom. Ah!
Bam.
[Whispers] Whoo.
[Knocking]
[Pounding]
[Shouting and music playing]
- Hey.
Who's Mr. Big tonight?
Anything else is extra, okay,
in cash.
- Congratulations.
- Get over there.
[Cheers and applause]
[Guys hooting]
- [Groans]
- No touching.
- Sorry.
[Moaning]
[Heavy breathing]
- I wanna put it in your ass!
- That costs extra.
[Buzzing]
- You ready?
- Where are you? We're waiting.
- The security guy
evicted me again.
- Hurry the fuck up.
- Right.
- I think in a weird way,
he's jealous.
- Drive.
- That's for you.
- Thanks.
- Hey, lizzy.
Yeah, all good.
Yeah, I'm around tomorrow.
Cool.
You too.
Bye.
- I hate the suburbs.
You guys want some food?
- If it's on the way to a bar.
That pasta dinner...
- Wasn't it good?
- Wasn't it good?
- It's amazing.
- It's my specialty.
- Now we're turning round
the lens.
- I have a question to ask.
- yeah...
Oh, we've got a few questions.
Babe.
- All right.
- Number one...
- Okay.
- What is friends?
- What is friends?
- Oh, that's good.
I like that.
Why don't you talk more?
- Good question.
- That was a great answer.
- The two of you were making up
for me.
There's only like a fine...
- So, Rick.
- We have John's room.
-Oh.
- See, this is the potential
of John.
- What the fuck is this?
Oh, my god.
This thing, it's like...
It's like
a sheet over...
- Violet has found her place.
She has found her place.
- No, I haven't.
- Look at this. Look at this.
John wall...
- [Screams]
All "as. oh, my god!
Look that guy.
- I knew he was intelligent.
- Why do you keep that?
- Why do I keep this?
Um... it's, uh...
It was my... this was my zenith.
This is where... this is where...
- Can we just get a...
- Can we get a close-up
of a before and after picture?
- Oh, my god.
- Oh, yeah.
- After a haircut.
Can you get that?
Look at that. Look at that.
This guy got straight "a" s.
[Laughter]
- What? What?
How did you...
You've been in my fucking room?
No, I have not. Iwell...
I'm glad John and I
are finally hanging out
because he's my friend
and he's my cousin.
And I don't know.
He's a cool guy.
- Oh. What do you do?
- The job search?
- Yeah, how's
the job search coming?
- Uh...
How do I do it?
- I'm sure you know.
- Oh, yeah, I do.
- Oh, that's good.
No, just take it off.
Just take it off.
Don't undo any more.
She's bossy.
[Laughter]
- Your favorite.
[Laughs]
You are.
[Kissing noises]
See, that's 'cause I forgot.
That's 'cause I forgot
our first kiss.
- Except I add my own
secret ingredient.
- And I know it happened,
but I forgot.
P he's the luckiest guy
- p he's the luckiest guy
- p he's the luckiest guy
[laughter]
- P he's the luckiest guy
- p he's the luckiest guy
- p on the lower east side
- p on the lower east side
both: P 'cause he's got wheels
and we want to go for a ride p
- you fucked it up.
- I'm really bad.
- Okay, again.
- No, I can't concentrate.
- Get in there, buddy.
Best seat in the house.
- Okay. you earned it.
P he's the luckiest guy
- p he's the luckiest guy
- p on the lower east side
- p on the lower east side
- p he's got wheels
- p he's got wheels
- p wanna go for a ride
- p we wanna go for a ride
p he's the luckiest guy
- p he's the luckiest guy
- p on the lower east side
- p on the lower east side p
- p 'cause he's got wheels
- p 'cause he's got wheels
p and we wanna go for a ride
- where's the cat?
- Where is the cat?