Ghost Dad (1990) Movie Script

Okay, sweetie,
now it's story time.
Let's see.
Where'd we leave off last night?
Ah, okay.
"Never in a brilliant
career of 300 years
had the ghost
been so grossly insulted.
So he decided
to enter the twins' room
and give them a scare
they wouldn't soon forget,
but when he threw open their door,
a bucket of water fell
right down on him..."
"Wetting him to the skin."
"At the same moment,
he heard shrieks of laughter
as the boys burst
out of the closet,
merrily throwing pillows at him,
just missing his head."
Shoosh. Whoosh. Sheesh.
Hee hee hee
ho ho ho ha ha ha ha.
"He fled back to his room
uttering hollow groans
about this rude family.
No ghost in history
had ever been treated
so badly."
Okay, honeybun,
that's enough for tonight.
Oh, Daddy.
Sorry. I had to work
late again this weekend,
but remember,
it's just until Thursday
when I get my raise
and new promotion,
which will include me in the company's
insurance and pension plan.
Then we'll have lots
of time to do fun things.
Now make me louder.
Hold me up to the door.
Good night, Diane!
Don't wait up for me.
I never do.
Good night, Danny!
Good night, Dad.
See you in the morning.
And do your homework
instead of magic tricks.
Sure, Dad.
Nice talking to you.
Okay, Amanda,
now turn out the light
and go to sleep.
Daddy loves you.
I love you, too, Daddy.
And I'll see you in the morning.
Good night, sweetie.
Good night, Daddy.
Good night, little sister.
I want pancakes and waffles.
Happy birthday, Diane.
Oh, yeah. Happy birthday.
I'd have gotten you something,
except you're always the one
who remembers these
things and buys the presents.
So my birthday present to you
is you don't have to shop
for my present to you.
- You're a very unusual child.
- Thank you.
I wonder what
Daddy's excuse will be.
He wouldn't
forget your birthday.
He'll forget, and then he'll say
he'll make it up to me
after Thursday.
Pancakes. Waffles.
I'd like two eggs over easy,
hash browns, Canadian bacon...
Or just some cereal and juice.
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday, dear...
Uh, wait.
No, no. Wait, wait.
Give me a chance.
Come on.
Di... you know your name.
Who are you?
Well, who cares?
You have a birthday.
I'm so...
Aah! Amanda,
honey, please.
I told you not to leave
your skates on the stairs.
Happy birthday,
Happy birthday,
You don't have to get mushy.
Well, I have to get mushy.
Fathers get like that sometimes.
My father, on my 9th birthday,
dressed up in a bunny costume
for a whole week!
A whole week?
Because the zipper was stuck.
He didn't mean to do it.
He bumped around the house
like a bunny for a whole week.
I got to run.
What do you mean,
you got to run?
Daddy, it's my birthday.
Jonelle turned 17, and
she got a convertible,
but I get shaving cream?
You completely forgot, bucko.
Admit it.
Oh, yeah?
if everything goes the way
I think it should,
the company's also
going to give me a car,
and if they do,
you can have grumpy.
- Really?
- Yes.
- Really?
- Yes.
Daddy, can I drive it today?
I'll be incredibly careful.
- I'll take you to work.
- Diane, listen!
That's it!
And please don't use
that sheepdog look on me.
It means nothing.
You won't regret this,
Daddy, old pal.
All right.
Hi, Mr. Hopper.
Well, how are you, Stuart?
You take out your own garbage?
We pay people to do that for us.
I wanted to show Danny
my new bike.
You have a new possession,
and you actually
want to show it off?
That doesn't sound like you.
Yeah. You can't get this
kind without connections,
and it's a lot
faster than Danny's,
but it should be since it's
about twice as expensive.
You're a Republican, aren't you?
Well, I'm not registered.
Danny's inside.
Watch out, Diane!
Oh, for God's sake!
Just practicing.
Hi to you.
So this is how grownups do it.
You got yourself
a new chauffeur.
Nobody wants to live forever.
You are so funny.
I'm not that funny.
Just practicing.
Listen, I got to go.
So we still on Wednesday night
for the banquet?
I wouldn't miss it for the world.
Buckle up, stud.
Oh, Hop.
Going up to 12?
All the way up to 12,
Mr. Seymour.
- Oh, punch 11 for us, please.
- Yes, sir.
How's our deal going?
Mr. Collins and I have a 10:00
meeting with the investment bank.
Then I'll go up to
get some documents.
We ought to close sometime
Thursday, right on schedule.
That's great.
That's wonderful.
Out of sight, Hop.
Gentlemen, you all
know Elliot Hopper?
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
He was the first one
to envision the Aussie merger.
He's been handling all the
negotiations for Collins Limited.
And next Thursday, when
our combined directors meet,
Hop will be the youngest man
ever to sit on the board
of either our firm or Mr. Nero's.
That is, if he doesn't screw it up
between now and then.
We catch you tickling
Mr. Nero's wife
in Macy's window,
all bets are off.
Slim chance.
Have you seen
Mrs. Nero lately?
Mr. Nero.
How are you, sir?
Oh, yes. I'm eating
solid food again.
Oh, well,
We'll see you
at the bankers' at 10:00.
- G'day, sir.
- G'day, sir.
I only have a minute, Carol.
Got to take a taxi.
How's everything going in there?
They just put in
the new windows.
Everything will be ready today.
We just got the seating arrangement
for the banquet Wednesday.
You'll be at the head table.
What's this?
Today's mail.
Nothing super important.
Jesus Christ!
Ho, ho! Hey, hey!
Thank you.
Union Bank Headquarters,
Lynwood, please.
Going a little fast, aren't we?
The road is that way.
Eat shit.
I'm trying to quit.
Do you accept the Lord Satan
as the Supreme Being
and evil, your salvation?
I've been meaning to,
but I've been so busy,
I haven't gotten around to it.
I like you.
Thank you.
Do you worship Satan?
How much do you want
to stop this cab?
I'll give you $20 to stop.
I'll give you 40.
I've got $76.
Just stop the cab!
I'll throw in the wallet.
It's from Gucci.
You can impress
all your friends of hell.
Now stop the damn cab!
Do you worship Satan?
Worship him?
I am Satan!
I command you to stop this cab!
Don't drive another inch.
Don't move.
We're here.
I don't know what
your problem is at home,
but you should never come
to work with that attitude!
Take it easy.
Yes, evil master.
Your wallet.
It isn't really a Gucci!
It's an imitation!
Officer, God...
It's terrible.
The car...
Give me a minute, please.
No. Wait! There's another person.
Any sign of him?
It was the cab driver.
No sign of...
God, he must have drowned.
Anyways, he was one
of those devil worshippers
and he smoked...
What are you doing?
What are you...
Are you blind?
Hey! You are doing
this intentionally.
You know I'll have you reported
for urinating on
an accident victim!
Is this any kind of behavior
for a patrolman?
No. This... This can't...
This can't be.
This can't be.
I'm not dead!
I know I'm not dead!
This is... I'm dreaming!
I got to wake up.
Wake up! Wake up!
I'm not dead!
I got to get out of this dream.
I got to get out of this dream.
Move on over
to obstacle number three
after we get number two.
Reach on up there and find it.
Where is it?
There it is.
Moving over to
number three... Sushi.
This is creepy.
Look at them.
What's going to happen to them?
Who's going to
take care of them?
Way to go.
That was tough.
Promotional consideration provided
by Super Sloppy Double Dare
gets a free pair of sneakers.
The official shoe of
Super Sloppy Double Dare!
- Hi, Dad.
- Hi, Dan.
Hi, Daddy.
You're home early. That's nice.
- You can see me?
- What?
You can see me?
This is fantastic!
What are you doing?
No, I'm asking you.
Can you see me?
Your mouth is moving,
but I can't hear anything.
You can't hear me,
but you can see me.
You can't hear me,
but I can hear myself.
What's wrong with Daddy?
What do you mean,
what's wrong with daddy?
Oh, my God!
Where'd he go?
I'm right here!
He just vanished!
Great trick, Dad.
Where'd you go?
Turn off the light.
Excellent trick!
It must be based on
some sort of optical illusion.
I don't like this trick.
I hate it and would
you stop it with the lights.
And would you stop it, Daddy?
You're scaring Amanda.
I can't hear you.
Have a very small...
I am!
A big sissy.
It... it's, uh...
A fish.
You're an owl!
You're a duck!
You're White House
Chief of Staff John Sununu!
It sounds like, um...
A glass.
Toast. You're toasting something.
It sounds like toast.
Post. A host.
A ghost?
He's a ghost!
That's it! You're a ghost!
You're dead!
He's dead!
He's dead!
Oh, come on, Amanda.
Get up, honey.
Don't be afraid.
I'll get her.
It'll be okay.
Come on, honey.
Come on.
Come on.
Don't be scared.
Is Daddy going away like Mommy?
Try telepathy, Dad.
I think that's how
ghosts communicate.
I hear it.
I hear it, too.
Can you move your lips
or something, Dad?
This is really weird.
Daddy, are you going to
go away like Mommy did?
No-o, hone-ey.
I-I'll be-e ho-o-me
fo-o-r a whi-i-le.
I-I'm so-o-ry fo-o-r
wha-at ha-appen-ned.
- O-Okay?
- Okay.
What's... What's ha-appe-ening?
Far out!
Oh, my God!
Be a good fellow and get
off the desk, will you?
Now, then,
awfully glad to have
you here, Mr. Hopper.
Tha-ank, yo-ou, you-ur gra-a-ce,
altho-ough I-I ca-an't
sa-ay the sa-ame.
Thi-is who-ole th-ing i-is
ra-ather unfo-ortu-u-nate.
A-As a ma-atter o-of fa-act,
i-it wa-as the la-ast thi-ing
tha-at I wa-as
loo-ooking fo-orwa-ard to.
I say, old chap,
you're very badly out of sync.
Here, old fellow.
Stick these on your forefingers.
When did you die?
Thi-is mo-orni-ing.
Cause of death?
I drowned in a taxicab.
I'm... I'm sorry.
Forgive me.
And, um, where did this
unusual tragedy occur?
United States of America,
planet Earth.
Am I in heaven?
Oh, don't be silly.
Then I'm in hell.
Oh, thank you very much.
Do I come into your home
and tell you it's some inferno,
some stinking,
sweltering cesspool?
Now put this into your hand.
Where am I?
You're in London.
What am I doing in London?
What am I doing in London?!
Acting just like
an American, I'm afraid.
Left our good manners
home on the range?
You must control your temper,
or else you'll slip
out of sync again.
Wha-a-t a-am i-i
do-o-ing he-ere?
Actually, I summoned you.
You were on your way
to the hereafter...
Just a routine transfer...
When something went wrong.
I sensed a disturbance
in the spirit ether,
which is almost always a sure sign
of intercorporeal maltransference.
Of what?
It means they screwed up.
It's the afterlife equivalent
to misplacing your paperwork.
It's rare, but it happens.
Anyway, it's a specialty of mine.
I've written a book on it, actually.
Intercorporeal Maltransference.
You can find it in
most local bookstores.
I'm the world's foremost
authority on life after death.
- Now, can we please get on with it.
- Get on with what?
I want you to send me
back right now!
Now, you can send me back,
can't you?
Well, of course
I can send you back,
but why should I want to?
Because it's for my children!
After Thursday, I'll come back,
and you can do all
the research you want.
You think you'll make
it to Thursday, do you?
Yes. Why do you
find that so funny?
This... This is a
temporary state you're in.
I've never known anyone
to last more than three days,
and most go in less!
I'm going to make it
to Thursday.
Well, your readings are strong.
Have you started to flicker?
No. No flicker.
You might make it to Wednesday,
maybe even Wednesday night,
but no, not Thursday.
Quite impossible.
But I've got to
make it to Thursday.
It's for my children.
My wife died a few years ago,
and I'm all they have left.
Sir Edith?
Sir Eh-dith... Moser.
But on... on the book,
it's spelled Edith.
But it's pronounced Eh-dith.
But it's a girl's name.
Look, it is not a girl's name.
Eh-dith is a boy's name!
Who are you named after?
I was named after my grandmama!
And they called her Eh-dith?
No! Her name is Edith!
So you see?
It is a girl's name!
No, it's not!
Now, will you
please stand still?
For heaven's sake!
No! I want you
to send me back.
Please, I don't want to
disappoint my children again!
All right, I'll send you back,
but I must have
further readings.
I'm going to call for
you again, agreed?
All right.
Now just send me back.
All right!
Off we go!
Follow me.
All right.
Off you go.
What do we do?
I don't know, Danny.
Hey, look who's back!
Are you okay?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I'm just fine.
Uh, it's...
It's just I'm... I...
As soon as I get this landing down.
Where were you?
I was in London
with a man named Edith.
That's a girl's name.
Daddy, can I take you
to show and tell?
No, honey. You can't
take me anywhere,
and if anyone asks,
you say everything
is perfectly normal, okay?
We have to hold out
until Thursday.
Obviously I can't go
into the office like this.
Just tell them that,
uh, I'm not well.
That's great.
Just tell them
that I'm not well,
and I'll stay here
right on through Thursday,
and then after Thursday,
you see...
It's Mr. Collins for you, and
he sounds kind of flipped out.
Concentrate, Dad.
Mr. Collins?
Why weren't you
at the bank meeting?
This merger is falling apart!
Where have you been all afternoon?
We've had negotiating committees
from both firms waiting,
and you never had the courtesy
to call us and tell us
you were standing us up.
Yes, well, Mr. Collins,
I can assure you...
If you blow this deal, Hopper,
do you know what I
personally will do to you?
How am I going to go to work?
Are you going to bed soon?
Aren't you tired?
Uh, I don't think
ghosts get tired.
Are you just going
to sit up all night?
Well, I'm a ghost. It's my job.
Speaking of jobs, Daddy,
do you think you can
go to work like this?
Who are you kidding?
I never said
that it would be easy.
I... I... I truly believe, though,
that if we pull together
and if I...
just concentrate hard enough,
and we can stick to the plan
for tomorrow,
people will not know...
I'm, uh... what I am.
And if you don't,
what happens to us?
How am I going to support
myself and two kids?
Have you left us anything?
You don't have life insurance?
This house.
Do we own this house?
Why did you leave everything
till the last minute?
I didn't know
it was the last minute.
I had life insurance,
and then your mother got sick,
and I cashed it in
to pay the medical bills.
I mortgaged the house.
Anything to try and save her.
I'm sorry, Daddy.
To Thursday.
We're screwed.
There's no way
this is going to work.
Hi, kids.
Where's your dad?
Everybody's been
looking for him.
Maybe he's dead.
Dead tired.
- Or maybe he drowned.
- In paperwork.
In paperwork.
What are you doing?
Carol, do you
see my dad anywhere?
Oh. Oh... Oh.
Oh, my God.
You scared the dickens out of me.
Don't ever do that again.
I'm sorry.
Where have you been?
Collins is furious with you.
Well, that's a long story.
what are they doing?
Uh, they're
shutting out the light
because I don't
like the sunlight.
Uh, you always
loved the sunlight.
I'm talking about the fact
that I want to concentrate,
and the view and the
sunshine, it's distracting.
I'll buy that one.
All right, kids.
Thank you very much.
Pick me up after work.
- Bye, Daddy.
- See ya, Dad.
If St. Peter calls,
I'll get a number.
Thank you.
- What have we have?
- All hell breaking loose.
Collins wants you to handle
all the negotiating sessions.
He says the Australians
are getting edgy.
I moved all the scheduling
from yesterday to today,
so it's very, very heavy.
You've got a 10:00
with auditing,
a 10:30 with Seymour,
a 12:00 with the Australian
lawyers at their hotel,
a 2:00 here with sales.
You've got a 5:00
with the ad agency.
You've got two 5:30s here
and a 6:00 with...
- Carol,
with all the work we have to do,
I don't have time
for outside appointments.
Oh, I forgot to tell you.
You have to take your life
insurance physical this afternoon.
Can't they give me the insurance
without the physical?
No. They said it's today
or never.
I've got the forms right here.
Diane, go up to my closet,
bring me down
the following things, will you?
Thanks, Diane.
A complete physical?
Trust me.
I'll be back in an hour.
Oh, warm in here.
That's good.
Elliot Hopper, please.
Yes, Mr. Hopper.
Take this to Room 2
and strip to the waist.
Good afternoon.
Good afternoon.
It's dark in here.
If you wouldn't.
I'm a little shy.
Something wrong?
Your heart stopped.
Maybe there's something
wrong with the stethoscope.
Try again.
I need you
to go across the hall.
See Nurse Satler in X-ray.
Thank you.
All right.
Thank you.
I can't take an X-ray right now.
Something came up at my office
and I'll have to reschedule.
It'll only take a few seconds,
Mr. Harper.
Rest your chin up against here,
put your chest up
against the plate, please.
Mr. Harper, chest against
the plate, please.
Hands on hips...
Breathe in and hold...
Thank you, Mr. Hopper.
Please send in the next patient.
You can come in now.
I'm finished, is that correct?
- Yep.
- Okay.
Oh, almost forgot.
One last thing.
Give me a minute.
Thank you.
Thank you, Mr. Hopper.
Oh, no problem.
No problem. Thank you.
Police! Police!
Daddy, I'm not sure
about any of this.
Look, I just passed
the physical.
What are you so worried about?
What if somebody finds
out that you're dead?
What if somebody
finds your body?
I'm at the bottom of the river.
That'll make me look so weird.
"Oh, there goes Diane.
You know, Casper's daughter."
This is a KWLP weather break.
It's 75 degrees, but look out.
High winds are blowing
through the canyons our way.
Now back to our music.
Yo, Diane. Let me in.
I need a ride.
Who's this with his
clothes on backwards?
Tony Ricker,
and do not embarrass me.
You're not letting him in...
Thanks a lot, babe.
Looking good.
Yeah? Thanks, man.
You, too.
Yeah. I know.
I see your friend Jonelle
at the mall,
and I go, "Yo, I dig
your friend Diane," right?
And then she goes, "Geez,"
and I go, "Hey,"
and then she goes,
"No way. Keep dreaming,"
and then I go, "Chill.
"I'll give Diane something
to dream about.
Know what I'm saying?"
God, Tony.
I didn't know you liked me.
Hey, Diane.
Oh, that's attractive.
Wha... Whoa! Oh!
I cannot believe
that you did that!
Let me tell you something.
You are never, never,
ever going to date that...
Tony Ricker's the only guy
in school that knows I'm alive,
and I'll date him if I want to!
Over my dead body!
And if you want to play Dad,
why don't you do it for Danny and Amanda
because they still need one!
At this point,
I can handle myself, thank you very much!
And I do not appreciate your
interference in my pathetic social life!
Um... She's... She's having
a nervous breakdown.
You finished?
Go away.
A good thing about being a ghost
is lights on, lights off,
I'm still here.
Dead people can be such jerks.
I hope... I hope this is Tony.
I don't think so.
He's probably still sitting in the street
wondering what happened to him.
COLLINS: Hopper, where
the hell have you been?
You'd think I'd get to
choose my own friends,
but no.
Who are you talking to, Diane?
Who else? Casper.
Hi, Daddy!
Hi, sweetie.
We'll talk about this
another time.
I have to call my office, okay?
All I get is grief.
I clean up, do the laundry...
I take out the garbage.
I cook the meals,
and what do I get for it?
Nothing but complaints.
I don't complain
about your cooking!
Yes, you do. All the time,
loud and clear.
You're going to hurt yourself.
What about Wednesday, huh?
What about last Friday?
What about last Saturday night?
Quote... "Diane, how can you
screw up SpaghettiOs?"
And I'm not your
responsibility anymore,
so what do you care what I do?
- What do I care?
Amanda, see who it is
and get rid of them.
I'm your father.
I love you.
You don't love me.
Of course I love you.
You're my daughter!
You feel what fathers
feel for daughters.
That's not love.
It's father stuff.
That's love!
Daddy, it's Joan.
You want to Jacuzzi with her?
No, no. She can't see me
anymore, remember?
Oh, yeah.
Look. Romeo and Juliet.
That's love.
He took poison for her!
What have you ever done for me?
- I ate the SpaghettiOs.
- Oh!
He says you can't
see him anymore.
This is your top 40 station KWLP.
Now back to our top 40.
Diane, don't make me
walk through this door.
- Daddy.
- Yes, dear.
Joan says to go
bleep bleep yourself,
and she'll fill in
the bleep bleeps later.
Dad, I have to talk to you.
What is it?
How am I going to be a magician
at Career Day tomorrow
- without the Trunk of Doom?
That's probably Joan
coming back to fill in
the bleep bleeps.
Because she can't see me
in the light,
you show her
into the living room
where it's nice and dark,
and I'll talk to her,
and then you and I will talk about the...
The Trunk of Doom.
Trunk of Doom, yes.
Come on, now.
I can't be a professional magician
using the same old stuff.
Hello, little boy.
Is your daddy home?
Ah! Mr. Collins!
What a pleasant surprise!
I'll be right down!
Your secretary told me
you were at home!
Later, I'll ask you what
you were doing at home
when these busy people
were waiting for you.
But right now,
let's close this deal!
That's correct!
Danny, why don't you show the
gentlemen into the living room?
I'll be right down!
Stall 'em.
Please, I don't have much time,
but there's a logical
explanation for everything.
Why are you dressed like that?
May I come in, please?
This better be good,
you son of a...
Okay. So take off
your mask and talk.
It's a little bright in here.
Can we go in there?
You really have a lot of nerve.
It's not what you think.
Please. I'm begging you.
I only have a minute.
I must be nuts.
Joan, I want you to know
that I am absolutely
crazy about you.
The moments that we have
spent together
have been absolutely...
for me... fantastic.
I would never
do anything to hurt you.
Good! I got to go.
- Wait just a second!
- No, I...
Damn it, Elliot.
I invited you over here
for a little afternoon delight.
I can't.
Oh, Elliot.
You don't think you can, huh?
I know I can't.
Oh, well.
Oh, no. No, no, no.
I don't mean that.
I-I can...
Of course I... What did...
- Well?
- What I mean is, we can't.
- We can't.
- Shh.
Now, it's just a little
performance anxiety, see.
But you don't have to
perform with me,
'cause all we're
gonna do is cuddle.
But I have people wait...
You just need to relax.
I gotta go.
I've got to concentrate.
Are the guys still here?
Yeah. Diane won't
come out of her room.
I need to talk
to you about school...
Just let me deal
with my boss first.
Gentlemen, here are
the final documents,
and I spent the whole time
working right here on them,
and I'm sure
that we will be able
to resolve
any final disagreements
with the Nero company.
- I want...
Gentlemen, please excuse me.
Mr. Hopper, it's Stuart.
You know. Danny's friend,
short, upwardly mobile?
Yes, Stuart.
I'll get Danny for you.
No, no. It's you I want to talk to.
See, I know
that you're an alien.
I want $50,000 in small,
unmarked bills right now,
or I go to the newspapers.
Gentlemen, uh, please
excuse me one minute.
Now you listen to me,
you little bag of pig puke!
You mention one thing
to anybody about this,
and so help me,
I'll do things to you
that you can't even imagine!
You try to threaten me?
I don't get frightened.
I give frightened!
You little fart!
What do you think of this?
Aah! Aah!
Good night.
Now, gentlemen, I'm s...
Dad, can I have some time?
- Where did they go?
- They left.
What did they say?
They seemed pretty torqued off.
Look, Dad,
I've got this problem.
Tomorrow is Career Day
at school.
I cannot do the same old tricks.
Danny! There are other things
in this world besides magic!
I'm about to lose my job!
Yeah, yo.
Is Diane there?
This is Tony Ricker.
Tony Ricker?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's me.
Put the bitch on.
Put the bitch on the phone?
Put the bitch on the phone?
The bitch can't
make it to the phone.
I'm here, though.
And if you so much as call,
talk to,
or even think about Diane,
so help me,
I'll do things to you...
Are... you... the... devil?
I'm from the phone company.
What did you do?
I told him in a very fatherly manner
to leave my daughter alone.
I'm trying to help you.
Danny, what is it you wanted?
Forget it.
I don't think helping's
your strong suit these days.
"Virginia spied the ghost
in the den.
He looked so forlorn
that little Virginia,
whose first idea
had been to run away,
was filled with pity
and was determined
to try and comfort him.
'I'm so sorry for you,'
she said,
'but my brothers are going back
to school tomorrow, and then,
if you behave yourself,
no one will annoy you.'
'It is absurd to ask me
to behave myself,' he said.
'I must rattle my chains
and groan and walk
about at night.
It is my only reason
for existing.'"
I thought you said that you
couldn't do that trick without that kit
he forgot to get you.
I'll do it without his help.
Is that safe?
For my presentation,
I will be performing a trick
called "The Trunk of Doom."
I will have to escape
from within this locked trunk
using only my magician's skills.
No trick props.
No easy out.
Uh, Daniel...
Uh, are you sure this is safe?
As a matter of fact,
I'm sure it's not.
There comes a time
in every young man's life
when he can't rely on Dad anymore,
when he has to prove to himself
that he's a man on his own.
This guy...
Diane, you have not
seen anything...
Do you think you can
set it up again, maybe?
Well, I've got to have Rupert talk to...
You know, Jonelle, Danny's
up to something a little strange.
I'd better call my dad.
The little mother.
- Hi, Terry.
- Hi, Jonelle.
Hi, Tony.
Hey, man.
Uh... in you go.
Get in there.
And so, gentlemen, that leaves us
with just three open issues remaining...
Amortization of the
pre-merger capital gains
and the distribution of
combined partnership holdings
in subchapter three...
Excuse me, Elliot.
It's Diane.
She says it's about Danny.
Tell her I can't talk
to her right now.
Diane, he's very busy...
And thirdly, the pretax escrow
account for the new partnership.
If you'll turn to page 3, please.
Five bucks says we got to call
the janitor to get him out.
Danny, are you all right?
Uh... yeah.
Boo. Boo.
Boo. Boo.
Boo. Boo.
Boo. Boo.
Mr. Turner.
Shh. Shh.
Yes, Danny?
Could you please call
the janitor?
Hi, kid.
Say, you've gained weight.
I thought you had
that big meeting.
Yeah, I did,
but I thought about it,
and you're more important.
Thanks, Pop.
I'll get you out
of this in a second,
then we'll have a big finish.
- All right.
- You got it.
Oh, wow!
How am I doing?
You're getting an "A."
Thank you.
Dad, you're the greatest.
To call your recent
behavior incompetent
would be like calling
World War II a spat!
I could tear you apart
with my bare hands!
He's a little upset.
I cannot believe you would
walk out of negotiations
just when we are closing them.
I'm sure you had
an excellent reason.
If I hadn't stepped in,
it would've fallen through.
I would have killed you.
We closed it. He doesn't
have to kill you now.
Instead, I'll ruin you.
I told you about this.
You're fired.
Mr. Collins...
You're fired!
You walked out on a meeting.
No, I can explain.
You're fired!
This is not for me.
This is for my children.
Their whole future depends
on this, Mr. Collins.
I can't lose my job now.
I've served
your company 14 years.
I've served you well
and loyally,
and that's got to count
for something.
You're fired.
Mr. Collins...
Mr. Collins...
Don't come to the banquet.
Elliot, you're not
even dressed yet.
I thought the banquet is at 7:30.
It's the worst moment of...
of my life.
I... I'm sorry, Joan.
I can't talk to you right now.
I'm afraid I have bad news.
You're fired.
I'm sorry about the job.
But I'm very sorry...
about the job...
That I couldn't finish.
Well I'm not. I don't care
about the stupid job.
When you were alive, you wouldn't
have left the meeting to help me.
Elliot, I don't know
what's going on with you,
but we're having this out now.
Go ahead.
Why is it all of a sudden
always so dark around here?
And how can you fall
through a bed?
Why are you talking so funny?
What is wrong with your clothes?
Everything's perfectly normal.
I'm dead.
I... I'm a ghost.
I'm no longer living.
This is a joke, right?
I'm sorry, sweetheart.
I thought you were
afraid of intimacy.
I didn't know you were deceased.
Actually, I fear you're not.
I fear you're not.
You're not deceased.
I'm not deceased?
I did some calculations
on your measurements.
You're not a ghost.
I'm not deceased?
What am I?
You're a spirit, all right,
but not a ghost.
Not yet. Now, where's the kitchen?
I am famished! Ah!
Can we get back to the
"I'm not deceased"?
Yes. You didn't die.
You jumped out of your body.
Something frightened you, yes?
Something very dangerous happened,
and it frightened you.
I was in the taxicab.
It went off the bridge.
It landed underneath the water.
I couldn't breathe.
I couldn't get out.
Oh, no. You drowned?
- Yes.
- Ah, but he didn't.
You got scared out of your body.
Your corpus humanum
is still alive somewhere!
At least for the moment.
It's been rumored there was one
other case in America years ago,
in the 1940s, I think.
Before he was able to find
his body and get back into it,
this poor fellow had to wear
a bunny costume for a week.
It was somewhere
in Minnesota, I think.
That was my father.
Ah! I've always suspected
this was an hereditary trait.
Far out! When do
I get to do it?
First things first, young man.
Your father's got a body
out there somewhere.
We should find it before
it checks out for good.
Call the hospitals
I'll call the police.
I'll call the cab companies
and see if they know anything.
There's a phone upstairs.
Who are you?
Oh, I'm very sorry.
My card.
"Edith"? But that's a girl's name.
I beg to differ.
It's not a girl's name.
Well, all the Ediths I know are girls.
Eh-dith is a boy's name.
Yes, sergeant. Well, thank you.
Thank you very much, sir.
Nothing from the police.
The hospital doesn't
have you, either.
They've got the cab driver,
Curtis Burch.
He's alive?
In a coma.
Somebody up there must like him.
Somebody up there
doesn't know him.
Look, if my body is alive,
it means I'm not underwater.
They found the cab driver.
They didn't find my body.
I must be somewhere
near him washed ashore.
Remember where?
We could search the riverbank.
Get Diane. Let's go.
Diane! Diane!
Hurry! Diane, come on!
Let's go!
Hurry up! We got to
search for dad's body.
Coming through.
- Get the straps off.
- We're ready.
1, 2, 3...
Good, good.
Okay, what have we got?
She fell.
Pulse, 150. BP, 80 over 30.
Pupils fixed and dilated.
Doctor, her blood pressure's dropping.
We're losing her.
Come on! Move it!
EKG hooked up.
What are you doing?
Taking after
my old man, I guess.
Diane, stop fooling around
and get back in your body.
No way. This is great!
get back into your body
before something
serious happens.
- Like what?
- Don't do this to me.
It's always about you, isn't it?
I'm thinking of me right now.
This ghost life is better
than my crappy life.
I'm not going back to it.
Diane, life is all there is.
Believe me.
I'm begging you,
don't waste it.
Oh, my God.
What... What's happening to you?
Don't waste it.
Shouldn't we try
to find your body?
It's not important.
It's you.
Please, I'll help you look.
I'm not doing anything
until you get back into yours.
Daddy, why won't you
let me help you?
I want you...
to live...
Because you love me.
Oh, Daddy.
Oh, my.
Somebody help me!
Somebody help me!
Somebody help me!
Help me!
Help me.
Oh, my God.
Look, Daddy, look.
It's you.
It's you.
It says Curtis Burch,
but it's you.
It's that cab driver's name.
I had no identification.
He had my wallet.
I'll get back into my body
if you get back in yours.
Go, Daddy! Go, go!
Go! Please, go!
How do you feel?
There's a terrible draft
under my gown.
They took my underwear off.
Oh, Daddy.
I hurt everywhere.
It's the most wonderful feeling.
You should hurry.
I'm sorry.
I'm leaving.
I just...
I've tried, but I can't sit
on a bedpan and go.
I've got to go to the bathroom.
She's fibrillating.
Get the paddles and some lidocaine
and get the epi.
Is respiratory here, yet?
Get on it, stat.
We're losing her.
Wow. Super rad.
Wow, I'm okay.
Give me a second.
What a rush.
I guess I'm cured, huh?
Thanks for your help, everybody.
Well, thanks.
Come, let's go.
We found Daddy's body.
He's right here.
He's not a ghost anymore.
Come on. Let's go.
Jesus Christ!
Wait a minute.
Evil master!
Your wallet.
I am yours to command!
I command you to...
Go to hell and sit
on a red-hot coal
and wait for me...
until it snows!
Oh, yes!
Yes, evil master!
Whoa, mmm
We've been so close
to each other
Can't think of a moment
That you weren't there
We've been through
so much together
Can't think of a feeling
That we haven't shared
How many lovers
Ever find the kind of love
That we've got
- Ooh-ooh
- Ooh
And many others
'Cause you know what
we got is a rare thing
Ooh, it's everlasting
This love is as strong as steel
Can't break it up
or break it down
It's always gonna be around
This love is a love that's real
It's as deep
as any ocean goes
It's gonna last,
don't you know
This love's strong as steel
I wanna tell ya
Oh, baby
We've been right here
for each other
Even through the times when
times were hard for us
When it rained
we came through shining
Oh, I knew we'd make it
all it takes is trust
And now there's nothing
That could ever
come between me and you
Oh, baby
Our love is one thing
That just keeps on
getting better
The more that we're together
This love is as strong as steel
Can't break it up
or break it down
It's always gonna be around
This love is a love that's real
It's as deep
as any ocean goes
It's gonna last,
don't you know
This love's strong as steel
Oh-oh, there ain't
no raging river
Gonna sweep this love away
Gonna stand together
heart to heart
Nothing's gonna tear
this love apart
This love
Ooh, baby
This love's strong as steel
This love's strong as steel
Can't break it up
or break it down
It's always gonna be around
This love is a love that's real
It's as deep
as any ocean goes
It's gonna last,
don't you know
This love's strong as steel
Strong as steel now, baby
Strong as steel now, darlin'
Strong as steel now, honey
- This love
- I want to tell you
It's as deep
as any ocean goes
It's gonna last,
don't you know
This love it's as strong as steel
Can't break it up
or break it down
It's always gonna be around