Ghost Stories (2018) Movie Script
1
[PROJECTOR CLICKING]
[WATER DRIPPING]
[MAN BREATHING HEAVILY]
[INTENSE MUSIC]
[CHALK SCREECHING]
It was my father's
religious beliefs
that destroyed
our family.
[WINGS FLUTTERING]
[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
We have to be so very
careful what we believe in.
Hello.
There's a... there's a little
lad coming through to me now.
Come on, come on.
He wants to talk
to someone.
Oh, he's a little...
he's a little lad
and he... and he's
lookin' for his mom.
He's sayin' his name
is... is Rob or Robbie.
Is that... Is that you,
sweetheart?
Stand up, my love.
Mark Van Rhys is one of the
UK's most popular psychics.
He believes that we're making a
documentary about his special powers
whereas, in fact, we are investigating
the many, many complaints
that have been made
against him.
Do what this lady has done
and accept the message.
Mark?
Mark, can you hear me?
Oh, just give us a sign.
Scratch your nose
for a sec, see.
Oh, thank God for that.
It's Steph, right?
The woman's name's Steph.
He calls you mom, but
he's... he's telling me
your name is Steph?
[SOBS]
Oh, my God.
Is... Is that right,
my love?
- Are you Steph?
- Yeah.
Okay,
so before the show starts
Van Rhys' team
have audience members
fill out one of these
prayer cards.
There are the name
and details
of the person
they wish to contact
who has passed over
to the other side.
The team then steal
this information
and they feed it back
to Van Rhys
through a hidden earpiece,
which I just hacked into
and, hey, presto,
he's psychic.
[GASPS]
My blood hurts, mommy.
My blood hurts.
Why is he saying that?
[SOBS]
He had leukemia.
Poor little lamb.
Oh, he's got a cheeky
little smile, hasn't he?
[LAUGHS]
Yes.
Children often make
the best connection
because they're so pure,
you see.
He was such a good boy.
He still is, my sweet,
he still is.
He says he's happy
but he does miss
your cooking.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I am sorry to interrupt.
My name is
Professor Philip Goodman
from the TV program
"Psychic Cheats."
Mr. Van Rhys,
we have got..
Mr. Van Rhys,
we have got proof
that you are being fed information
through a hidden earpiece
and you are passing it off
as contact with the dead...
- Excuse me, sir.
- I beg your pardon.
This is gonna be broadcast
on national television.
Can you deny that you
were using an earpiece?
That's slander.
I can assure you,
you will be hearing
from my solicitor
in due course.
His assistant just
told him that Robbie
was in
Christchurch Hospital.
I can play you the tape.
I'm sorry.
Christchurch Hospital!
[SOBS]
He's lyin', isn't he?
[SOBBING]
The idea of us
and our loved ones dying
just ceasing to exist
is so awful
that we'll believe
anything which gives us hope
that there might be
something beyond.
That fear is known
as existential terror
and the man who coined that phrase was Dr.
Charles Cameron.
So why do you think
the voices
come through you, Jean?
'Cause we love her.
And how many voices
are there?
I moved back in.
I thought it would help.
She's only here 'cause
she ran out of booze.
Mom.
She fingered herself
last night
thinkin'
about John Travolta.
Daddy sees everything.
[SHATTERS]
Jesus!
I've seen this before.
Your mother
feels abandoned
at the death
of your father.
Is she possessed?
No, she's angry that
her husband had died.
As for the vase..
[SHATTERS]
...I did that.
The brain sees
what it wants to see.
When I saw that clip
when I was a boy
it was like
a lightning bolt struck me
'cause it was like
somebody saying
you don't have to have your life
ruled by superstitious fear.
And the way that I'd been
brought up, that was..
Honestly, that was a revelation
'cause I didn't realize
there was a different way
of thinking.
And, uh, from that minute
I... I can remember thinking
that's what I wanna do
that's what I wanna be,
that's who I want to be.
The search
for the missing scientist
and paranormalist, Charles
Cameron, has been called off
three weeks after Mr. Cameron's
car was found abandoned
near his house in Filey.
I think it's ironic
to say the least
that a man
who spent a lifetime
explaining away mysteries
became one himself.
I just wish I could
have met him is all.
[WINGS FLUTTERING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[CLATTERING]
[INHALES SHARPLY]
Hello, Professor Goodman.
This is Charles Cameron.
I'm sure you're surprised
to hear my voice.
I'm familiar with your work
and I need to see you.
I don't have long.
Please come
to 79 East Shore
Caravan Park..
[INTENSE MUSIC]
Hi, Mr. Cameron.
I'm Philip Goodman.
Hello,
I'm Philip Goodman.
Come on.
Hello, Mr. Cameron,
I'm Philip Goodman.
Hello, Charles.
Hello,
I'm Philip Goodman.
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
Hold on.
[TOILET FLUSHES]
[SIGHS]
Come in.
I'm not paying
to heat the street.
[CLEARS THROAT]
[FLY BUZZING]
Oh, Jesus.
Come in, sit down.
Sit down, please.
Hello,
I'm Philip Goodman.
I know who you are.
I can't quite
believe this.
No? Why is that?
I think like everybody
else, I just pre..
...sort of presumed
you were dead.
How do you know I'm not?
[CHUCKLES]
Can I ask what,
where you've been?
- What's happened?
- Pour me a drink then.
Pour it
from that bottle there.
Bottle there. Pour it!
Okay.
[COUGHS]
I brought you something.
It's a copy
of my latest book.
- I signed it...
- Aah.
Just stick it there.
I'm so familiar
with your books
and your, your TV work.
I've always felt
a closeness to you.
Save those sentiments
for your wife and family.
What a surprise.
You're not married.
You could always see
the truth, couldn't you?
Truth?
I look back now at my work
with absolute shame.
I see the arrogance
and the disrespect
with which I went
into those homes.
I took pleasure
in pulling those stories
those people apart.
I think you're being
really hard on yourself.
I have seen your work,
Goodman.
You want to know
what I think of it?
It's shit.
You are a conceited,
weak-willed coward.
Editing out
any inconvenient data.
Terrified of anything
that doesn't fit
into your tiny
worldview...
Okay, I'm done. I came here
in good faith because you...
Three cases!
I couldn't explain
three cases
that haunt me still.
Now you go and
investigate if you dare
and come back and tell me
that I am wrong
because I've come to one
inescapable conclusion
and that is
the supernatural
the unseen forces
that surround us
everything that you and I
have spent a lifetime
trying to debunk and
disprove, it's all true.
Every last bit of it.
Please, Mr. Goodman
I'm begging you.
Tell me I am wrong.
I need you to tell me..
...I'm wrong.
[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
[INTENSE MUSIC]
[LAUGHTER]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[INTENSE MUSIC]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[CAR DOOR CLOSES]
Oh, hello, Tony?
Aye, captain.
Hello there.
Hi, I'm Philip Goodman.
Bang! Whoa! Slow.
Too slow.
Yeah, you look
like a teacher.
Do I? Right.
Um, well, technically,
I'm a professor.
They bloody insist
on calling me that
on that TV show that I do,
"Psychic Cheats."
Oh, yeah, that's where
I know you from.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I seen that.
Yeah, it's shit.
I'm only joking
with you, mate.
I ain't seen it.
I have never even
heard of it, sunbeam.
- Professor, eh?
- Yeah.
You know,
that's the official title
for someone who does
a "Punch And Judy."
I bet you didn't know
that, did you?
- No, I didn't actually.
- There you go then.
The professor
just learned something
from the humble
night watchman.
And that's what you do,
is it?
[TURNS ON RECORDER]
You're a night watchman?
Actually, I don't wanna
talk about it, mate.
Sorry?
I'm just not feeling
very chatty, sunbeam.
[SOFTLY]
For fuck's sake.
Oh, did I forget to mention
that there was a fee?
- 100 quid.
- 50.
Done.
20, 25..
So that's what
you do, yeah?
You're a night watchman?
Well, I was, you know,
when, um, it happened.
- And now?
- Now?
Let's just say
that immigration
has made things
a bit tough, yeah?
How about family?
You married?
I was married
for 15 years.
You get less for murder,
don't you?
[CHUCKLES]
Did you divorce?
She died 23 years ago.
I'm sorry.
If she fell ill now,
they'd smash that cancer.
Different world, isn't it?
Yeah. Any children?
Mind your own
fucking business.
How many more of these questions
have you got, eh, Kojak?
It's worse than getting
car insurance, this.
I got a daughter, Marnie.
I was always
a big Hitchcock fan.
If I had had a boy,
I would've called him Norman.
- How old is she?
- She's 30.
Right, so she was seven
when your wife died.
That must have been tough.
Marnie is not my wife's.
I had a little bit
on the side.
What are you gonna do, eh?
Right.
You see much of her?
Well, I'm done here.
This is bullshit.
I thought you wanted to
talk about what I'd seen.
Tony, I'm just
trying to help.
You can't help me, mate.
[SIGHS]
She's in hospital.
She's been in there
five years.
Oh, fuck.
Locked-in syndrome
they call it.
Her eyes are open, but..
...everything else
is paralyzed.
If I go and see her,
I... I don't know
if she even knows
if I'm there or not.
I stopped going
in the end.
I couldn't handle it.
My little girl.
I'm sorry.
You apologize a lot,
don't you?
Guilty conscience?
You wanna..
Wanna tell me
about your incident?
You'll think I'm mad.
Everyone else does.
Even my priest.
Ah, you don't believe,
do you?
[SCOFFS]
It was my last night
working that job.
Quarter to 4:00
in the morning.
That is a shit time
of night.
Even after seven years
of doin' that shift
your body never
gets used to it.
That place had a history.
None of it was nice.
Hundreds of years before,
it was, um, it was a..
What do you call it?
A nuthouse for women.
Mad birds roaming
about the place.
Old brasses, drunks
young girls that got
themselves knocked up
newborns that no one
wanted, thrown away.
Miserable.
In the month
leadin' up to that night
two of the new
foreign blokes quit.
They said
they had seen things.
Did you believe them?
I wish I had.
Christ Almighty.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[RADIO BEEPS]
Hello? Marek?
You have to press
the button on the side.
Press the big black button on
the side, you Russian prick.
Yo, Tony.
I am in other building.
Congratulations.
Which other building?
Um, the building
with the blue door.
Alright. You're in
building number three.
Yes, yes, yes.
What do I do?
Well, you sit on your arse
for the next 10 hours.
Every hour
go for a walk round
and then chart it.
Set that timer
that I gave ya.
Other than that,
you do what you want.
I don't know, read,
play chess, learn English.
Okay.
Thank you a lot, Tony.
Alright, Marek.
No worries.
And then she sat down
with a cup of tea
and just went mad.
"That's typical of you,"
she said.
"Lord Muck, always
thinkin' of himself.
"Didn't even cross his mind
to ask if I wanted one, so.."
I'm havin'
a cup of tea, mate.
What do you reckon?
Was I selfish?
Is that what marriage is?
A lifetime sentence
of making
two cups of tea
instead of one?
Or is it good to grab
a bit of healthy me time?
It can oil the wheels
after all.
What do you think?
- Mike in Barnet, hello.
- Hi, Jeff.
Yeah, it sounds silly,
but we like... we like
doing everything
together, whatever it is.
Even if it is just getting a
Chinky on a Saturday night.
Ooh, fried rice. Nice.
We just love it, slobbing in
front of the telly. Perfect.
Oh, thank you
for that, Mike.
You mean a Chinese,
of course, don't you?
Apologies
on Mike's behalf.
But you're right.
Maybe that's the secret
of all.
[POWER SHUTS DOWN]
Oh.
How did that..
...[INDISTINCT] I'd have
been worth a fortune.
[HUMMING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
What the..
[SCOFFS]
Ah.
...about, you know,
you've got to have this
and you've got
to have that
and they forget
the simple things
you know,
like holding hands.
My husband had a stroke
a few years ago
and, um, he has been
bedridden ever since
but I see him every day
without fail.
I hold his hand,
I tell him..
Oh, well,
that makes you a saint
you silly old bitch.
[TURNS OFF RADIO]
[SIGHS]
[POWER SHUTS DOWN]
Oh, Jesus Christ!
Bloody hell.
I don't..
[GASPS]
[GASPS]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[GROANS]
Hello?
[WINGS FLUTTERING]
Oh, Jesus!
Oh.
Marek? Marek?
Pick up, please,
it's Tony.
Hello, Tony.
Listen, have you been over
here to this building?
Mm, no.
I am in other one.
I don't like
this place, Tony.
It feels... bad.
We have, um
we have a word
for this back home.
It is zloslivy.
Look, don't, um..
don't let them thoughts get
into your head, mate, alright?
Get yourself a radio,
sunbeam. Yeah?
Look, I'm gonna, uh,
take a walk around, right?
You sit tight
for 10 minutes
and I'll call you
when I get back, alright?
Okay.
Thank you a lot, Tony.
Alright, mate.
[SIGHS]
[MUSIC ON STEREO]
I'll never let you go
Why?
Because I love you
I'll always
love you so
Why?
Because you love me
No broken hearts
for us
'Cause we love
each other
There could be
no other..
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[GRUNTS]
[CHAINS RATTLING]
[SIGHS]
[EXHALES]
[INTENSE MUSIC]
[GASPS]
Hello?
Is anyone there?
Because you love me
because you love me
Because you love me
because you love me
Because you love me
Marek? Marek?
Dada?
It is a coma.
A probable lock-in.
He is here for keeps.
Just one of those things.
The lights are on
and nobody's home.
[BANGING ON DOOR]
Marek?
[GROANING]
[SIGHS]
Right, listen.
You've got two minutes to
get out of this buildin'
before I come for ya.
[GRUNTS]
Marek, if that's you..
What.. I can't believe this.
[LAUGHS]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
[GASPING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Hello?
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[INTENSE MUSIC]
Oh, what the bloody..
Oh.
I'm not fuckin' about.
Right. Yeah? Yeah?
[HEAVY BREATHING]
[CHAIN RATTLING]
Shit.
[WHIMPERING]
Dada.
[GASPS]
I'm comin' in.
[HEAVY BREATHING]
[GASPS]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Yeah. I got you now.
[CHUCKLES]
Yeah.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[GASPS]
Let me out! Let me out!
[GASPING]
Shit.
What the..
[SCREAMS]
[GASPING]
[WINGS FLUTTERING]
[INTENSE MUSIC]
Dada!
[GASPS]
[GASPING]
[GROANING]
Do you know what brought
Tony back to the church?
Uh, you know,
I am not comfortable
talking so directly
about a parishioner.
I'm assuming you have Tony's
permission to talk to me?
Yeah, yeah, of course.
But I can..
I mean, I can ask you some
more indirect questions
if you're comfortable
with that?
- Yes.
- Okay. Great.
[CHUCKLES]
Um, so..
So what do you think
is your responsibility
when a grown man like Tony
comes to you and says
that they've had
a supernatural experience?
[CHUCKLES]
You know, uh, when I was
a school's chaplain
I would always say
to the boys
"Age is not important
to the Lord.
We are all children
before Him."
If He wants you to believe
He will send you a sign.
That is what
these experiences are.
Signs.
Sure, but..
Uh, Tony, with Tony, uh..
Presumably, Tony told you
about his incident?
Of course.
The spirit.
The unquiet spirit.
Yeah.
So for a moment
let's hypothesize that
that really happened...
Oh, you do not need
to hypothesize.
It did happen.
Tony testifies
that he saw a spirit
and he changed
his ways accordingly.
But in what way
is that not real?
Oh, of course, for Tony's
sighting to be taken seriously
there's got to be some
sort of material evidence.
Because without that,
it's, uh, you know..
Tony has got so much
emotional baggage.
Baggage? We... We are
talking about a man.
Our brother.
I'm so tired
of this modern disregard
for the spiritual life.
How unfashionable it's become
to believe in anything
other than
our own personal gains.
Did Tony tell you what he did
after he had that experience?
No.
He went to see his
daughter, Marnie, again
the very next day.
And when she heard
her father's voice
for the first time
in five years
the doctor said
her heart skipped a beat.
That, I think, professor
tells us everything
we need to know
about the reality of that
experience and its value.
You, Mr. Goodman,
would do well
to think about that with
regard to your own family.
Good day.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[RASPY BREATHING]
[INTENSE MUSIC]
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
Who is it?
Uh, it's
Professor Philip Goodman.
We spoke on the phone.
[CHUCKLES]
Do you have an ID
or anything?
You might not be the man
that I spoke to.
I am.
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, okay. Here you go.
You sent that
to Charles Cameron.
Come in.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER ON TV]
I'll be upstairs, mom.
[WATER RUNNING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Professor Goodman?
[DOOR SHUTS]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Simon?
Simon?
[COUGHING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
- Down here.
- Oh.
Jesus.
[ETHEREAL VOICE]
Demon.
- Sit down.
Please,
don't touch my books.
God, it's boiling
in here, Simon.
Oh, yeah, yeah, I know.
I just get really cold
and really uncomfortable
so I just like it
to be as comfort..
I just like it
how I like it.
[CHUCKLES]
Wow.
Uh, so..
So what are all these..
Where are
these pictures from?
They're from...
They're from all over.
It's my research.
Stuff that I find
on the internet
or books that I'm reading.
Stuff I'm interested in.
I'm just trying to
understand certain things.
So it's helpful
to have all that stuff out
so I can see it
all the time.
Or at least
whenever I want to see it.
If I don't wanna see it,
I can look over there.
The thing
that I don't want..
I don't want people
looking at me and thinking
that I'm mad
'cause I know what I saw.
And that's the thing.
I'm tired.
I'm so tired
and I'm finding it hard
to think straight right now.
But, I mean,
I want to talk about this.
I wanna find out
about this
but I don't want
people to think..
I just want everything
to be straight now.
No frayed edges,
no loose ends.
All straight. All smooth.
I don't want..
I don't want
people thinking that
there's anything
wr... wrong with me.
I see.
You okay?
Yeah.
Okay.
So..
...who else is up here
with us
in the...
in the upstairs room?
No one. It's just us.
No, sorry.
In the top bedroom?
- My brother's old room.
- Right. Your brother.
So is he still
living at home?
Well, Mr. Perfect..
No, he's 25 and married.
He's got a flat.
There's no one here.
It's just us.
- Sorry, I was just up...
- There's nobody here.
I'm telling you
there's nobody here.
Do you wanna go and look?
[EERIE MUSIC]
- No.
- Fine then.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Can you go away, please?
We're trying to talk.
Do you not get on well
with your parents?
They don't care about me.
I know you're still there!
[FOOTSTEPS]
Can you help me?
[SIGHS]
I'll try.
All I need you to do
is to just..
...just tell me everything
you can about that night.
Everything.
If I can just understand
what happened
then everything
will be fine.
[SNIFFLES]
Okay.
I'm not the same person
now as I was. It's..
The world is
n... not the same.
Oh, God.
I feel like such an idiot.
Why?
Yeah.
I was driving
my dad's car.
I failed my test
but I was too afraid
to tell them.
I pretended
that I had passed.
[INHALES]
I was driving
without a license.
[INTENSE MUSIC]
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
- Hello?
- Where are you?
I'm in the car. I am on the
way back from the party.
Oh, thank God.
He's in the car, Raymond.
We've been trying to call you.
Where have you been?
I... I'm sorry. There's no
reception near Eddie's.
We've been sitting here
on shpilkes.
You should have been
back hours ago.
Should have been back
hours ago!
Oh, Raymond, for God's
sake, I'm trying to talk..
Hello?
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Hello?
Your mother's
gone to bed.
We are very upset.
Dad, I didn't put
the phone down on you.
Oh.
And I'm sorry
that I'm late.
I just found that bloody
housing form for university
that you should have
sent in three weeks ago.
You told me
you'd sent it!
Well, I... I thought...
I thought that I had.
You're a bloody liar,
Simon.
You're a liar.
You might be able
to schmooze your mother
but you cannot
schmooze me.
You lied about that form.
You lied about getting that
Saturday job, didn't you?
What are we gonna
find out next?
That you lied about passing
your driving test?
- Shit.
- I'll tell you what.
I'm sick
to the bloody back teeth.
Shit.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Don't you put the bloody
phone down on me!
I... I... I didn't put
the phone down on you.
[CRASH]
[SCREAMING]
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, my..
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
You okay?
[GASPS]
[INTENSE MUSIC]
Oh, my God.
[LAUGHING]
[BEEPING]
[ENGINE SPUTTERING]
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.
[GASPING]
[HEAVY BREATHING]
[INTENSE MUSIC]
No signal.
Come on.
[ROARING IN DISTANCE]
Fucking O2.
[KEYPAD CLACKING]
[PHONE RINGS]
- Hello? National Breakdown.
- Hello.
Can you give me the car's
registration, please?
Just give me one second.
AG57-EOZ.
Thank you.
And is that Mr. Rif-kind?
Rifkind. Yes.
I'm Simon. I'm his son.
Okay, Simon.
And are you with the car
right now?
[ROARING IN DISTANCE]
Hello, Simon?
Yes.
Yes, I'm right by the car.
Okay,
we have you on the GPS
so we know exactly where you
are and we'll be with you
somewhere between 10
and 45 minutes, okay?
Please come
as quickly as you can.
Thank you, Mr. Rif-kind.
Goodbye.
Rifkind!
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[SOBS] What have I done?
What have I done?
[SOBBING]
[EXHALES DEEPLY]
[INDISTINCT TALKING]
[THUD]
[GASPING]
[INTENSE MUSIC]
Hello?
[SCREAMING]
[FOOTSTEPS]
[SNARLING]
[DOOR OPENS]
[GASPS]
[CAR DOOR CLOSES]
God, I'm... I'm so sorry.
- Stay!
- Fuck that!
[INTENSE MUSIC]
[PANTING]
[GASPING]
[RUMBLING]
[SCREAMS]
[GROWLING]
The supernatural are unseen
forces that surround us.
Charles,
I've now investigated
two of your cases
quite thoroughly.
It feels quite simple
to me, really.
The brain sees
what it wants to see.
They're your words,
Charles.
Tony Matthews
is an alcoholic
who's wrestling
with unresolved grief.
And Simon
is a fragile young man
and from a deeply
dysfunctional family
who's on the edge
of psychosis.
[LEAVES RUSTLING]
I understand
all too well, Charles
how easy it is
to get confused
and to lose faith
in one's own judgment.
Especially when we're
tired and emotional..
...and unwell.
[GASPS]
What the..
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Keep up, Goodman.
Thing is, I'm the soppy one
if you can believe that.
I wanted kids from the
moment we got together
but Maria said, "No, it's
not gonna happen, babe."
Maria is your wife, yeah?
Yeah, of course, she is.
Do you know why
she didn't want children?
Presumably, you were
comfortable financially.
Oh, Jesus.
That's all your lot ever think
about, isn't it? Money.
Sorry, what exactly
do you mean by your lot?
No way
was she getting pregnant
until she was made
a partner at the firm.
Her words, not mine.
Priorities.
Someone's got to earn
the money
so you brainy poofters
can sit around
stroking your chins
and pulling onion
out of your arses
all day long.
[CELL PHONE BEEPS]
Oh, hang on.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Yeah, I've got to do this.
Right.
[SIGHS]
Alright.
Can we, please,
talk about the incident?
Do you know what they used to
call me when I was trading?
- No.
- The prophet.
I had a sixth sense
of what was going up
and what was coming down.
This isn't about
the financial markets.
I know what it is
you're asking about.
I know.
Come on then, up there.
[CLEARS THROAT]
I made a killing
in the city.
Uh, I built the house.
Real investment property.
And that's where the incident
happened, at the house?
When Maria
finally got partnership
bingo,
time to have a baby.
But she was pushing 40
when we started though.
So, yeah,
she had left it too late.
She was drier than the
Gobi Desert down there.
Still,
I said not to worry.
A splash of IVF
get the old baby machine
working again.
I'd been to school with the
top guy in that field.
So, uh, yeah, 30 grand
later, bull's eye.
The old girl
is finally up the duff.
Oh, why is it always the last
key that unlocks everything?
Hm?
[CLEARS THROAT]
Et voila.
So, yeah, everything
was going great
and then seven months in
she suddenly
started spotting.
So we pop her into a clinic
for a couple of days.
Best care money can buy.
It was more
like the bloody Savoy!
[LAUGHS]
So I dropped her off.
Popped home
to do some paperwork.
Okay, what time was that?
It was..
Quarter to 4:00, hm.
[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
[WATER DRIPPING]
[SIGHS]
[INHALES]
[GRUNTS]
Hm.
Hm.
[SIGHS]
Hm.
[EXHALES]
[EERIE NOISES]
[SIGHS]
[CLATTERS]
[HEARTBEAT]
You're telling me you
actually saw that happen?
It's my understanding
that a poltergeist
is an evil spirit
or an angry spirit.
- Is that true?
- No, it's not.
There's absolutely no
evidence to support that.
Hm.
The guys at the hospital
took Maria in for a scan
but they didn't
wanna show us.
They said
there were distortions
on the screen
or something.
[CELL PHONE BEEPS]
Sorry.
I'm right in the middle
of this Chinese thing.
[SIGHS]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Yeah, so the scan..
[INTENSE MUSIC]
What..
[GASPING]
A bit, uh,
bit chilly, prof?
Sorry, I, uh..
Have you ever killed
anything, Mr. Goodman?
Certainly not.
Nothing
you'll admit to, eh?
The doctors
thought it best
that Maria spend another
night in the hospital
so I went back
to the house.
I had a stack of work
to do.
You're supposed to feel
safe in your own home
aren't you, Mr. Goodman?
Do you believe in evil,
professor?
I didn't..
...until that night.
[EERIE MUSIC]
[WOOD CREAKING]
[WOOD CREAKING]
[CLATTERING]
[GLASS SHATTERS]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Maria?
[CLATTERING]
[CLATTERING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[HEAVY BREATHING]
[GASPING]
Maria?
We are dead.
Why aren't you
in the hospital?
[INTENSE MUSIC]
[GROWLING]
[SCREAMING]
I managed to get out
of the room.
I don't know how long I'd been
standing there when the phone rang.
It was the hospital.
I knew what they were
going to tell me.
The prophet.
[CELL PHONE BEEPS]
Apparently,
the birth was..
He split her in two.
I'm glad
Maria never lived to see
what Barty looked like.
That would have
destroyed her.
No one believed that Barty
would have survived this long.
But somehow
life... finds a way.
It's what I've learned,
that, uh..
...life goes on.
[CHUCKLES]
What?
[GUN COCKS]
[GUNSHOT]
[GASPING]
Fuck. Fuck.
[INTENSE MUSIC]
[COUGHING]
Um..
Mr. Cameron, I didn't know
you were here.
I know exactly
what's going on.
Oh, thank God. What?
This whole thing's a stupid,
shitty hoax to get you back on TV.
It's a way of usurping me.
You are a lonely, jealous, bitter
old man, and that's the truth.
Mr. Goodman, you wouldn't
know the truth
if it kissed you
on the lips.
Well, I know this!
There is nothing
in any of these stories
that couldn't be
explained away
by any intelligent
five-year-old.
Nothing!
You just can't find it
in yourself.
Can you, Philip?
[GRUNTS]
You can't find
the humility
to admit that perhaps,
just perhaps
things are not always
as they seem.
And that is precisely
my point.
Everything, everything
is exactly as it seems.
You sure about that?
Yes.
[INHALES DEEPLY]
[SCREAMS]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[GROANING]
[LAUGHS]
You don't know
everything.
Do you, bubala?
[LAUGHING]
Oh.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Sorry, can we cut?
Who are you talking to?
Philip..
...the brain sees..
...what it wants to see.
Oh, I really wanna
show you something.
May I?
[SIGHS DEEPLY]
[CHUCKLES]
Um..
In you come.
Come on.
It will just be
the four of us.
You, me, Barty and, uh..
...you know who.
[GASPS]
One last chance,
Mr. Goodman.
Anything
you want to tell me?
About what? I'm..
6, 79, 19?
Jewface
Jewface Goodman
Mommy fucked
a dog shit
[CHUCKLES]
Okay, you weren't
at school with me.
- Who are you?
- Who are you?
Mr. Brain Box,
clever clogs
overachiever,
living on his own
there's no one
there at home.
Dare you turn some of that
prize-nominated
never-quite-winning acuity
onto yourself?
11, 92, 20?
Ah.
Come on. Ahem.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Wait, wait, please.
I don't like it.
Do you want to go in?
I can't.
[LAUGHTER]
That's on my shirt!
What are you doing, man?
- Yuck.
- Hey.
Oi, Jewface!
Oi, Jewface!
Come here.
- I've got to go home.
- Come here.
I've got to go home
for my tea.
Or what? Your fat pig
of a mom will eat it?
[LAUGHING]
I won't tell you again,
mate.
Get here.
Come on.
I'm not going
in there again, Freer.
[MOCKING] I'm not going
in there again, Freer.
Oh, don't shit yourself.
It is not a gas chamber.
[LAUGHS]
Stand over there.
Go on.
[SHATTERS]
Yes!
- Alright, pick one up.
- I don't wanna.
I don't give a shit
what you want.
Pick it up!
Go on.
Put it
in front of your face.
- What?
- In front of your face!
Now don't you
fucking move.
What are you playing?
[LAUGHING]
What is going on here?
Hey, Kojak!
Hey, come here, mate.
Oh, my God.
Come on, mate, quick.
Hey, Kojak.
- Wanna be in our gang?
- Can I?
Yeah, of course, you can,
mate, if you're cool enough.
Do you think
you're cool enough?
[LAUGHING]
Where do you think
you're going, Jewface?
- I need to get home.
- No, bollocks.
You're staying here.
You're gonna watch Kojak
do the 10th number.
Yeah, stay and watch.
Leave him alone, Freer.
You know he can't count.
Yeah, I can.
I can count to 100.
[LAUGHS]
See?
Right, come here.
Come here.
You see that
on the side of the Echo?
- What number is it?
- Six.
Yeah.
Well done. Well done.
That's the first number
of 10 different numbers
I've chalked up
on the walls in there.
All you have to do
to be in our gang
is go in, right the
way in, keep walking
until you find
all 10 of the numbers
and then remember which
is the 10th one, yeah?
- Callahan, there aren't...
- Mate!
I just need to remember
the 10th one?
Yeah, you only need
to remember the 10th one.
Now you've got to look
carefully 'cause some of them
are quite far apart. Yeah?
Shut up!
Now when you come out and tell
me what that 10th number is
if you tell me the correct
number, you can be in our gang.
Yeah? I'll start now.
Now hang on.
You're gonna need this.
It gets quite dark
in there.
Alright. Go get that
10th number then.
- Go on.
- Yay!
[LAUGHING]
Go on.
Six.
Good start.
[LAUGHING]
- What were you gonna say to him?
- Nothing.
You were gonna tell him there's
no 10th number, weren't you?
No, I wasn't.
I bet you weren't
gonna tell him
you shit yourself
when you tried it.
So keep it zipped
or else..
Alright?
I don't like it.
I wanna come out now.
Oh, don't give up now.
Please!
Oh, keep goin'.
I wanna come out.
It's really narrow.
Don't you fucking dare,
Kojak!
We're not letting you
out of there
until you find that
10th number, alright?
[GASPING]
[SCREAMING]
[GASPING]
Callahan!
Callahan!
[INTENSE MUSIC]
[PANTING]
You left him to die
in there, didn't you?
What could I have done?
Told someone
when you got home?
Brought it up
in assembly the next day?
How about running
into the Echo
to see
if Desmond needed help?
It was a fluke,
just one of those things.
- A horrible accident.
- How convenient for you.
We didn't know
he was asthmatic.
The only fluke here
is the fluke in his DNA
that left him vulnerable
to people like you.
People like me?
I've spent my life
trying to help people
tryin' to put back in
tryin' to help people
see the truth
in amongst the sea of
sentimental lies and crap.
[LAUGHS]
That's...
Don't laugh at me!
I wasn't the one
who made him go in there.
I wasn't the one who called
him Kojak to his face
and I wasn't the one who
wouldn't let him come out
when he wanted to.
I did nothing.
That's right.
You did nothing.
You passenger.
And since then how have you
spent your days, Mr. Goodman?
Reducing life's biggest questions
to atoms and molecules?
It is just
atoms and molecules.
What else is there,
for God's sake?
[BABY CRYING]
Hello, here I come.
Here I come.
Barty, shh, it's okay.
Look, look, look.
Look, it's alright.
Daddy's got meow-meow.
It's alright.
[CRYING]
Here we go, a big one.
Open wide. Open wide.
Yeah.
Yes. Good boy.
Good boy.
Good boy.
[BABBLES]
Good boy, Barty.
Oh, there's a good boy.
Mr. Goodman,
for all your clever talk
you're really more scared
than anyone, aren't you?
And what you've actually been doing
with your life isn't helping others
it's running
from your greatest fear
which is that there's more
than the here and now
and that every action
you've ever taken
or didn't take
has had an effect.
It's left a little trace.
A ghost of itself.
That's true, isn't it?
Shh.
Shh.
He's asleep.
- Shh.
- Shh.
Come on.
Shh.
[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
[INTENSE MUSIC]
Please.
[LAUGHING]
Callahan.
Callahan, I'm so sorry!
[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
[SOBS]
Oh, no.
Oh, no. Not, not again.
[LAUGHING]
Please.
[SOMBER MUSIC]
Please, please, please,
please, please, please.
Callahan,
please, please, please.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!
Please.
[SOBS]
Callahan. Callahan.
[LAUGHING]
[SCREAMING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
...and just went mad.
"That's typical of you,"
she said.
"Lord Muck, always
thinking of himself."
[SOFTLY] Yes, I know I missed
last Friday night, mom.
I'm sorry. Um, well,
you could tell dad
that I will be there
this Friday, okay?
Please, mom, I'm at work.
I've gotta go.
Love you too. Bye.
- Ah.
- Mr. Priddle.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Ah, yes.
"Professor Philip Goodman
"admitted April 13,
3:45 a.m.
attempted suicide."
[CLEARS THROAT] "Failed
self-asphyxiation in his car."
Silly bugger.
Shotgun in the mouth,
that's the way to do it!
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, better see this.
Mm-hmm.
Ha!
Right.
Neurological examination
reveals
fixed and dilated pupils.
So what's our verdict,
Dr. Rif-kind?
Rifkind, uh..
It, uh, coma.
Uh, probable lock-in.
He is here for keeps.
Yeah, just one
of those things.
Lights are on,
there's nobody home.
Well, as my old professor
Charlie Cameron used to say
"Let's just hope
his dreams are as sweet.
Next room, laddie,
next room."
Ha!
[CLEARS THROAT]
Hello again, sunbeam.
Don't mind me.
Love has a way
of, um, conquering.
Hi, Jeff.
Yes, it sounds silly
but we like...
we like doing
everything together,
whatever it is.
Even if it is just getting a
Chinky on a Saturday night.
Ooh, fried rice. Nice.
Alright.
See you tomorrow.
Be good.
[HUMMING]
Here we go, sunbeam.
A little change
of scenery.
[WHISTLING]
[THUD]
I was working in
the lab late one night
When my eyes beheld
an eerie sight
For my monster from his
slab began to rise
And suddenly
to my surprise
He did the mash
He did
the monster mash
The monster mash
It was
a graveyard smash
He did the mash
It caught on
in a flash
He did the mash
He did
the monster mash
From my laboratory
in the castle east
To the master bedroom
where the vampires feast
The ghouls all came from
their humble abodes
To get a jolt
from my electrodes
They did the mash
They did
the monster mash
The monster mash
It was
a graveyard smash
They did the mash
It caught on
in a flash
They did the mash
They did
the monster mash
The zombies
were having fun
The party
had just begun
The guests
included Wolfman
Dracula and his son
The scene was rockin'
All were digging
the sounds
Igor on chains backed
by his baying hounds
The coffin bangers
were about to arrive
With their vocal group
The Crypt-Kicker Five
They played the mash
They played
the monster mash
The monster mash
It was
a graveyard smash
They played the mash
It caught on
in a flash
They played the mash
They played
the monster mash
Out from his coffin
Drac's voice did ring
Seems he was troubled
by just one thing
He opened the lid
And shook his fist
and said
Whatever happened to
my Transylvania twist?
It's now the mash
It's now
the monster mash
The monster mash
And it's
a graveyard smash
It's now the mash
It's caught on
in a flash
It's now the mash
It's now
the monster mash
Now everything's cool
Drac's a part
of the band
And my monster mash
is the hit of the land
For you the living
this mash was meant too
When you get to my door
tell them Boris sent you
Then you can mash
Then you can
monster mash
The monster mash
And do
my graveyard smash
Then you can mash
You'll catch on
in a flash
Then you can mash
Then you can
monster mash
[GRUNTING]
Mash good!
Easy, Igor,
you impetuous young boy.
[GRUNTS]
Mash good! Mm.
[GRUNTING]
Monster mash aah ooh
Monster mash aah ooh
Monster mash aah ooh
Monster mash aah ooh
[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
[PROJECTOR CLICKING]
[WATER DRIPPING]
[MAN BREATHING HEAVILY]
[INTENSE MUSIC]
[CHALK SCREECHING]
It was my father's
religious beliefs
that destroyed
our family.
[WINGS FLUTTERING]
[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
We have to be so very
careful what we believe in.
Hello.
There's a... there's a little
lad coming through to me now.
Come on, come on.
He wants to talk
to someone.
Oh, he's a little...
he's a little lad
and he... and he's
lookin' for his mom.
He's sayin' his name
is... is Rob or Robbie.
Is that... Is that you,
sweetheart?
Stand up, my love.
Mark Van Rhys is one of the
UK's most popular psychics.
He believes that we're making a
documentary about his special powers
whereas, in fact, we are investigating
the many, many complaints
that have been made
against him.
Do what this lady has done
and accept the message.
Mark?
Mark, can you hear me?
Oh, just give us a sign.
Scratch your nose
for a sec, see.
Oh, thank God for that.
It's Steph, right?
The woman's name's Steph.
He calls you mom, but
he's... he's telling me
your name is Steph?
[SOBS]
Oh, my God.
Is... Is that right,
my love?
- Are you Steph?
- Yeah.
Okay,
so before the show starts
Van Rhys' team
have audience members
fill out one of these
prayer cards.
There are the name
and details
of the person
they wish to contact
who has passed over
to the other side.
The team then steal
this information
and they feed it back
to Van Rhys
through a hidden earpiece,
which I just hacked into
and, hey, presto,
he's psychic.
[GASPS]
My blood hurts, mommy.
My blood hurts.
Why is he saying that?
[SOBS]
He had leukemia.
Poor little lamb.
Oh, he's got a cheeky
little smile, hasn't he?
[LAUGHS]
Yes.
Children often make
the best connection
because they're so pure,
you see.
He was such a good boy.
He still is, my sweet,
he still is.
He says he's happy
but he does miss
your cooking.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I am sorry to interrupt.
My name is
Professor Philip Goodman
from the TV program
"Psychic Cheats."
Mr. Van Rhys,
we have got..
Mr. Van Rhys,
we have got proof
that you are being fed information
through a hidden earpiece
and you are passing it off
as contact with the dead...
- Excuse me, sir.
- I beg your pardon.
This is gonna be broadcast
on national television.
Can you deny that you
were using an earpiece?
That's slander.
I can assure you,
you will be hearing
from my solicitor
in due course.
His assistant just
told him that Robbie
was in
Christchurch Hospital.
I can play you the tape.
I'm sorry.
Christchurch Hospital!
[SOBS]
He's lyin', isn't he?
[SOBBING]
The idea of us
and our loved ones dying
just ceasing to exist
is so awful
that we'll believe
anything which gives us hope
that there might be
something beyond.
That fear is known
as existential terror
and the man who coined that phrase was Dr.
Charles Cameron.
So why do you think
the voices
come through you, Jean?
'Cause we love her.
And how many voices
are there?
I moved back in.
I thought it would help.
She's only here 'cause
she ran out of booze.
Mom.
She fingered herself
last night
thinkin'
about John Travolta.
Daddy sees everything.
[SHATTERS]
Jesus!
I've seen this before.
Your mother
feels abandoned
at the death
of your father.
Is she possessed?
No, she's angry that
her husband had died.
As for the vase..
[SHATTERS]
...I did that.
The brain sees
what it wants to see.
When I saw that clip
when I was a boy
it was like
a lightning bolt struck me
'cause it was like
somebody saying
you don't have to have your life
ruled by superstitious fear.
And the way that I'd been
brought up, that was..
Honestly, that was a revelation
'cause I didn't realize
there was a different way
of thinking.
And, uh, from that minute
I... I can remember thinking
that's what I wanna do
that's what I wanna be,
that's who I want to be.
The search
for the missing scientist
and paranormalist, Charles
Cameron, has been called off
three weeks after Mr. Cameron's
car was found abandoned
near his house in Filey.
I think it's ironic
to say the least
that a man
who spent a lifetime
explaining away mysteries
became one himself.
I just wish I could
have met him is all.
[WINGS FLUTTERING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[CLATTERING]
[INHALES SHARPLY]
Hello, Professor Goodman.
This is Charles Cameron.
I'm sure you're surprised
to hear my voice.
I'm familiar with your work
and I need to see you.
I don't have long.
Please come
to 79 East Shore
Caravan Park..
[INTENSE MUSIC]
Hi, Mr. Cameron.
I'm Philip Goodman.
Hello,
I'm Philip Goodman.
Come on.
Hello, Mr. Cameron,
I'm Philip Goodman.
Hello, Charles.
Hello,
I'm Philip Goodman.
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
Hold on.
[TOILET FLUSHES]
[SIGHS]
Come in.
I'm not paying
to heat the street.
[CLEARS THROAT]
[FLY BUZZING]
Oh, Jesus.
Come in, sit down.
Sit down, please.
Hello,
I'm Philip Goodman.
I know who you are.
I can't quite
believe this.
No? Why is that?
I think like everybody
else, I just pre..
...sort of presumed
you were dead.
How do you know I'm not?
[CHUCKLES]
Can I ask what,
where you've been?
- What's happened?
- Pour me a drink then.
Pour it
from that bottle there.
Bottle there. Pour it!
Okay.
[COUGHS]
I brought you something.
It's a copy
of my latest book.
- I signed it...
- Aah.
Just stick it there.
I'm so familiar
with your books
and your, your TV work.
I've always felt
a closeness to you.
Save those sentiments
for your wife and family.
What a surprise.
You're not married.
You could always see
the truth, couldn't you?
Truth?
I look back now at my work
with absolute shame.
I see the arrogance
and the disrespect
with which I went
into those homes.
I took pleasure
in pulling those stories
those people apart.
I think you're being
really hard on yourself.
I have seen your work,
Goodman.
You want to know
what I think of it?
It's shit.
You are a conceited,
weak-willed coward.
Editing out
any inconvenient data.
Terrified of anything
that doesn't fit
into your tiny
worldview...
Okay, I'm done. I came here
in good faith because you...
Three cases!
I couldn't explain
three cases
that haunt me still.
Now you go and
investigate if you dare
and come back and tell me
that I am wrong
because I've come to one
inescapable conclusion
and that is
the supernatural
the unseen forces
that surround us
everything that you and I
have spent a lifetime
trying to debunk and
disprove, it's all true.
Every last bit of it.
Please, Mr. Goodman
I'm begging you.
Tell me I am wrong.
I need you to tell me..
...I'm wrong.
[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
[INTENSE MUSIC]
[LAUGHTER]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[INTENSE MUSIC]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[CAR DOOR CLOSES]
Oh, hello, Tony?
Aye, captain.
Hello there.
Hi, I'm Philip Goodman.
Bang! Whoa! Slow.
Too slow.
Yeah, you look
like a teacher.
Do I? Right.
Um, well, technically,
I'm a professor.
They bloody insist
on calling me that
on that TV show that I do,
"Psychic Cheats."
Oh, yeah, that's where
I know you from.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I seen that.
Yeah, it's shit.
I'm only joking
with you, mate.
I ain't seen it.
I have never even
heard of it, sunbeam.
- Professor, eh?
- Yeah.
You know,
that's the official title
for someone who does
a "Punch And Judy."
I bet you didn't know
that, did you?
- No, I didn't actually.
- There you go then.
The professor
just learned something
from the humble
night watchman.
And that's what you do,
is it?
[TURNS ON RECORDER]
You're a night watchman?
Actually, I don't wanna
talk about it, mate.
Sorry?
I'm just not feeling
very chatty, sunbeam.
[SOFTLY]
For fuck's sake.
Oh, did I forget to mention
that there was a fee?
- 100 quid.
- 50.
Done.
20, 25..
So that's what
you do, yeah?
You're a night watchman?
Well, I was, you know,
when, um, it happened.
- And now?
- Now?
Let's just say
that immigration
has made things
a bit tough, yeah?
How about family?
You married?
I was married
for 15 years.
You get less for murder,
don't you?
[CHUCKLES]
Did you divorce?
She died 23 years ago.
I'm sorry.
If she fell ill now,
they'd smash that cancer.
Different world, isn't it?
Yeah. Any children?
Mind your own
fucking business.
How many more of these questions
have you got, eh, Kojak?
It's worse than getting
car insurance, this.
I got a daughter, Marnie.
I was always
a big Hitchcock fan.
If I had had a boy,
I would've called him Norman.
- How old is she?
- She's 30.
Right, so she was seven
when your wife died.
That must have been tough.
Marnie is not my wife's.
I had a little bit
on the side.
What are you gonna do, eh?
Right.
You see much of her?
Well, I'm done here.
This is bullshit.
I thought you wanted to
talk about what I'd seen.
Tony, I'm just
trying to help.
You can't help me, mate.
[SIGHS]
She's in hospital.
She's been in there
five years.
Oh, fuck.
Locked-in syndrome
they call it.
Her eyes are open, but..
...everything else
is paralyzed.
If I go and see her,
I... I don't know
if she even knows
if I'm there or not.
I stopped going
in the end.
I couldn't handle it.
My little girl.
I'm sorry.
You apologize a lot,
don't you?
Guilty conscience?
You wanna..
Wanna tell me
about your incident?
You'll think I'm mad.
Everyone else does.
Even my priest.
Ah, you don't believe,
do you?
[SCOFFS]
It was my last night
working that job.
Quarter to 4:00
in the morning.
That is a shit time
of night.
Even after seven years
of doin' that shift
your body never
gets used to it.
That place had a history.
None of it was nice.
Hundreds of years before,
it was, um, it was a..
What do you call it?
A nuthouse for women.
Mad birds roaming
about the place.
Old brasses, drunks
young girls that got
themselves knocked up
newborns that no one
wanted, thrown away.
Miserable.
In the month
leadin' up to that night
two of the new
foreign blokes quit.
They said
they had seen things.
Did you believe them?
I wish I had.
Christ Almighty.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[RADIO BEEPS]
Hello? Marek?
You have to press
the button on the side.
Press the big black button on
the side, you Russian prick.
Yo, Tony.
I am in other building.
Congratulations.
Which other building?
Um, the building
with the blue door.
Alright. You're in
building number three.
Yes, yes, yes.
What do I do?
Well, you sit on your arse
for the next 10 hours.
Every hour
go for a walk round
and then chart it.
Set that timer
that I gave ya.
Other than that,
you do what you want.
I don't know, read,
play chess, learn English.
Okay.
Thank you a lot, Tony.
Alright, Marek.
No worries.
And then she sat down
with a cup of tea
and just went mad.
"That's typical of you,"
she said.
"Lord Muck, always
thinkin' of himself.
"Didn't even cross his mind
to ask if I wanted one, so.."
I'm havin'
a cup of tea, mate.
What do you reckon?
Was I selfish?
Is that what marriage is?
A lifetime sentence
of making
two cups of tea
instead of one?
Or is it good to grab
a bit of healthy me time?
It can oil the wheels
after all.
What do you think?
- Mike in Barnet, hello.
- Hi, Jeff.
Yeah, it sounds silly,
but we like... we like
doing everything
together, whatever it is.
Even if it is just getting a
Chinky on a Saturday night.
Ooh, fried rice. Nice.
We just love it, slobbing in
front of the telly. Perfect.
Oh, thank you
for that, Mike.
You mean a Chinese,
of course, don't you?
Apologies
on Mike's behalf.
But you're right.
Maybe that's the secret
of all.
[POWER SHUTS DOWN]
Oh.
How did that..
...[INDISTINCT] I'd have
been worth a fortune.
[HUMMING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
What the..
[SCOFFS]
Ah.
...about, you know,
you've got to have this
and you've got
to have that
and they forget
the simple things
you know,
like holding hands.
My husband had a stroke
a few years ago
and, um, he has been
bedridden ever since
but I see him every day
without fail.
I hold his hand,
I tell him..
Oh, well,
that makes you a saint
you silly old bitch.
[TURNS OFF RADIO]
[SIGHS]
[POWER SHUTS DOWN]
Oh, Jesus Christ!
Bloody hell.
I don't..
[GASPS]
[GASPS]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[GROANS]
Hello?
[WINGS FLUTTERING]
Oh, Jesus!
Oh.
Marek? Marek?
Pick up, please,
it's Tony.
Hello, Tony.
Listen, have you been over
here to this building?
Mm, no.
I am in other one.
I don't like
this place, Tony.
It feels... bad.
We have, um
we have a word
for this back home.
It is zloslivy.
Look, don't, um..
don't let them thoughts get
into your head, mate, alright?
Get yourself a radio,
sunbeam. Yeah?
Look, I'm gonna, uh,
take a walk around, right?
You sit tight
for 10 minutes
and I'll call you
when I get back, alright?
Okay.
Thank you a lot, Tony.
Alright, mate.
[SIGHS]
[MUSIC ON STEREO]
I'll never let you go
Why?
Because I love you
I'll always
love you so
Why?
Because you love me
No broken hearts
for us
'Cause we love
each other
There could be
no other..
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[GRUNTS]
[CHAINS RATTLING]
[SIGHS]
[EXHALES]
[INTENSE MUSIC]
[GASPS]
Hello?
Is anyone there?
Because you love me
because you love me
Because you love me
because you love me
Because you love me
Marek? Marek?
Dada?
It is a coma.
A probable lock-in.
He is here for keeps.
Just one of those things.
The lights are on
and nobody's home.
[BANGING ON DOOR]
Marek?
[GROANING]
[SIGHS]
Right, listen.
You've got two minutes to
get out of this buildin'
before I come for ya.
[GRUNTS]
Marek, if that's you..
What.. I can't believe this.
[LAUGHS]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
[GASPING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Hello?
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[INTENSE MUSIC]
Oh, what the bloody..
Oh.
I'm not fuckin' about.
Right. Yeah? Yeah?
[HEAVY BREATHING]
[CHAIN RATTLING]
Shit.
[WHIMPERING]
Dada.
[GASPS]
I'm comin' in.
[HEAVY BREATHING]
[GASPS]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Yeah. I got you now.
[CHUCKLES]
Yeah.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[GASPS]
Let me out! Let me out!
[GASPING]
Shit.
What the..
[SCREAMS]
[GASPING]
[WINGS FLUTTERING]
[INTENSE MUSIC]
Dada!
[GASPS]
[GASPING]
[GROANING]
Do you know what brought
Tony back to the church?
Uh, you know,
I am not comfortable
talking so directly
about a parishioner.
I'm assuming you have Tony's
permission to talk to me?
Yeah, yeah, of course.
But I can..
I mean, I can ask you some
more indirect questions
if you're comfortable
with that?
- Yes.
- Okay. Great.
[CHUCKLES]
Um, so..
So what do you think
is your responsibility
when a grown man like Tony
comes to you and says
that they've had
a supernatural experience?
[CHUCKLES]
You know, uh, when I was
a school's chaplain
I would always say
to the boys
"Age is not important
to the Lord.
We are all children
before Him."
If He wants you to believe
He will send you a sign.
That is what
these experiences are.
Signs.
Sure, but..
Uh, Tony, with Tony, uh..
Presumably, Tony told you
about his incident?
Of course.
The spirit.
The unquiet spirit.
Yeah.
So for a moment
let's hypothesize that
that really happened...
Oh, you do not need
to hypothesize.
It did happen.
Tony testifies
that he saw a spirit
and he changed
his ways accordingly.
But in what way
is that not real?
Oh, of course, for Tony's
sighting to be taken seriously
there's got to be some
sort of material evidence.
Because without that,
it's, uh, you know..
Tony has got so much
emotional baggage.
Baggage? We... We are
talking about a man.
Our brother.
I'm so tired
of this modern disregard
for the spiritual life.
How unfashionable it's become
to believe in anything
other than
our own personal gains.
Did Tony tell you what he did
after he had that experience?
No.
He went to see his
daughter, Marnie, again
the very next day.
And when she heard
her father's voice
for the first time
in five years
the doctor said
her heart skipped a beat.
That, I think, professor
tells us everything
we need to know
about the reality of that
experience and its value.
You, Mr. Goodman,
would do well
to think about that with
regard to your own family.
Good day.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[RASPY BREATHING]
[INTENSE MUSIC]
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
Who is it?
Uh, it's
Professor Philip Goodman.
We spoke on the phone.
[CHUCKLES]
Do you have an ID
or anything?
You might not be the man
that I spoke to.
I am.
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, okay. Here you go.
You sent that
to Charles Cameron.
Come in.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER ON TV]
I'll be upstairs, mom.
[WATER RUNNING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Professor Goodman?
[DOOR SHUTS]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Simon?
Simon?
[COUGHING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
- Down here.
- Oh.
Jesus.
[ETHEREAL VOICE]
Demon.
- Sit down.
Please,
don't touch my books.
God, it's boiling
in here, Simon.
Oh, yeah, yeah, I know.
I just get really cold
and really uncomfortable
so I just like it
to be as comfort..
I just like it
how I like it.
[CHUCKLES]
Wow.
Uh, so..
So what are all these..
Where are
these pictures from?
They're from...
They're from all over.
It's my research.
Stuff that I find
on the internet
or books that I'm reading.
Stuff I'm interested in.
I'm just trying to
understand certain things.
So it's helpful
to have all that stuff out
so I can see it
all the time.
Or at least
whenever I want to see it.
If I don't wanna see it,
I can look over there.
The thing
that I don't want..
I don't want people
looking at me and thinking
that I'm mad
'cause I know what I saw.
And that's the thing.
I'm tired.
I'm so tired
and I'm finding it hard
to think straight right now.
But, I mean,
I want to talk about this.
I wanna find out
about this
but I don't want
people to think..
I just want everything
to be straight now.
No frayed edges,
no loose ends.
All straight. All smooth.
I don't want..
I don't want
people thinking that
there's anything
wr... wrong with me.
I see.
You okay?
Yeah.
Okay.
So..
...who else is up here
with us
in the...
in the upstairs room?
No one. It's just us.
No, sorry.
In the top bedroom?
- My brother's old room.
- Right. Your brother.
So is he still
living at home?
Well, Mr. Perfect..
No, he's 25 and married.
He's got a flat.
There's no one here.
It's just us.
- Sorry, I was just up...
- There's nobody here.
I'm telling you
there's nobody here.
Do you wanna go and look?
[EERIE MUSIC]
- No.
- Fine then.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Can you go away, please?
We're trying to talk.
Do you not get on well
with your parents?
They don't care about me.
I know you're still there!
[FOOTSTEPS]
Can you help me?
[SIGHS]
I'll try.
All I need you to do
is to just..
...just tell me everything
you can about that night.
Everything.
If I can just understand
what happened
then everything
will be fine.
[SNIFFLES]
Okay.
I'm not the same person
now as I was. It's..
The world is
n... not the same.
Oh, God.
I feel like such an idiot.
Why?
Yeah.
I was driving
my dad's car.
I failed my test
but I was too afraid
to tell them.
I pretended
that I had passed.
[INHALES]
I was driving
without a license.
[INTENSE MUSIC]
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
- Hello?
- Where are you?
I'm in the car. I am on the
way back from the party.
Oh, thank God.
He's in the car, Raymond.
We've been trying to call you.
Where have you been?
I... I'm sorry. There's no
reception near Eddie's.
We've been sitting here
on shpilkes.
You should have been
back hours ago.
Should have been back
hours ago!
Oh, Raymond, for God's
sake, I'm trying to talk..
Hello?
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Hello?
Your mother's
gone to bed.
We are very upset.
Dad, I didn't put
the phone down on you.
Oh.
And I'm sorry
that I'm late.
I just found that bloody
housing form for university
that you should have
sent in three weeks ago.
You told me
you'd sent it!
Well, I... I thought...
I thought that I had.
You're a bloody liar,
Simon.
You're a liar.
You might be able
to schmooze your mother
but you cannot
schmooze me.
You lied about that form.
You lied about getting that
Saturday job, didn't you?
What are we gonna
find out next?
That you lied about passing
your driving test?
- Shit.
- I'll tell you what.
I'm sick
to the bloody back teeth.
Shit.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Don't you put the bloody
phone down on me!
I... I... I didn't put
the phone down on you.
[CRASH]
[SCREAMING]
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, my..
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
You okay?
[GASPS]
[INTENSE MUSIC]
Oh, my God.
[LAUGHING]
[BEEPING]
[ENGINE SPUTTERING]
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.
[GASPING]
[HEAVY BREATHING]
[INTENSE MUSIC]
No signal.
Come on.
[ROARING IN DISTANCE]
Fucking O2.
[KEYPAD CLACKING]
[PHONE RINGS]
- Hello? National Breakdown.
- Hello.
Can you give me the car's
registration, please?
Just give me one second.
AG57-EOZ.
Thank you.
And is that Mr. Rif-kind?
Rifkind. Yes.
I'm Simon. I'm his son.
Okay, Simon.
And are you with the car
right now?
[ROARING IN DISTANCE]
Hello, Simon?
Yes.
Yes, I'm right by the car.
Okay,
we have you on the GPS
so we know exactly where you
are and we'll be with you
somewhere between 10
and 45 minutes, okay?
Please come
as quickly as you can.
Thank you, Mr. Rif-kind.
Goodbye.
Rifkind!
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[SOBS] What have I done?
What have I done?
[SOBBING]
[EXHALES DEEPLY]
[INDISTINCT TALKING]
[THUD]
[GASPING]
[INTENSE MUSIC]
Hello?
[SCREAMING]
[FOOTSTEPS]
[SNARLING]
[DOOR OPENS]
[GASPS]
[CAR DOOR CLOSES]
God, I'm... I'm so sorry.
- Stay!
- Fuck that!
[INTENSE MUSIC]
[PANTING]
[GASPING]
[RUMBLING]
[SCREAMS]
[GROWLING]
The supernatural are unseen
forces that surround us.
Charles,
I've now investigated
two of your cases
quite thoroughly.
It feels quite simple
to me, really.
The brain sees
what it wants to see.
They're your words,
Charles.
Tony Matthews
is an alcoholic
who's wrestling
with unresolved grief.
And Simon
is a fragile young man
and from a deeply
dysfunctional family
who's on the edge
of psychosis.
[LEAVES RUSTLING]
I understand
all too well, Charles
how easy it is
to get confused
and to lose faith
in one's own judgment.
Especially when we're
tired and emotional..
...and unwell.
[GASPS]
What the..
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Keep up, Goodman.
Thing is, I'm the soppy one
if you can believe that.
I wanted kids from the
moment we got together
but Maria said, "No, it's
not gonna happen, babe."
Maria is your wife, yeah?
Yeah, of course, she is.
Do you know why
she didn't want children?
Presumably, you were
comfortable financially.
Oh, Jesus.
That's all your lot ever think
about, isn't it? Money.
Sorry, what exactly
do you mean by your lot?
No way
was she getting pregnant
until she was made
a partner at the firm.
Her words, not mine.
Priorities.
Someone's got to earn
the money
so you brainy poofters
can sit around
stroking your chins
and pulling onion
out of your arses
all day long.
[CELL PHONE BEEPS]
Oh, hang on.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Yeah, I've got to do this.
Right.
[SIGHS]
Alright.
Can we, please,
talk about the incident?
Do you know what they used to
call me when I was trading?
- No.
- The prophet.
I had a sixth sense
of what was going up
and what was coming down.
This isn't about
the financial markets.
I know what it is
you're asking about.
I know.
Come on then, up there.
[CLEARS THROAT]
I made a killing
in the city.
Uh, I built the house.
Real investment property.
And that's where the incident
happened, at the house?
When Maria
finally got partnership
bingo,
time to have a baby.
But she was pushing 40
when we started though.
So, yeah,
she had left it too late.
She was drier than the
Gobi Desert down there.
Still,
I said not to worry.
A splash of IVF
get the old baby machine
working again.
I'd been to school with the
top guy in that field.
So, uh, yeah, 30 grand
later, bull's eye.
The old girl
is finally up the duff.
Oh, why is it always the last
key that unlocks everything?
Hm?
[CLEARS THROAT]
Et voila.
So, yeah, everything
was going great
and then seven months in
she suddenly
started spotting.
So we pop her into a clinic
for a couple of days.
Best care money can buy.
It was more
like the bloody Savoy!
[LAUGHS]
So I dropped her off.
Popped home
to do some paperwork.
Okay, what time was that?
It was..
Quarter to 4:00, hm.
[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
[WATER DRIPPING]
[SIGHS]
[INHALES]
[GRUNTS]
Hm.
Hm.
[SIGHS]
Hm.
[EXHALES]
[EERIE NOISES]
[SIGHS]
[CLATTERS]
[HEARTBEAT]
You're telling me you
actually saw that happen?
It's my understanding
that a poltergeist
is an evil spirit
or an angry spirit.
- Is that true?
- No, it's not.
There's absolutely no
evidence to support that.
Hm.
The guys at the hospital
took Maria in for a scan
but they didn't
wanna show us.
They said
there were distortions
on the screen
or something.
[CELL PHONE BEEPS]
Sorry.
I'm right in the middle
of this Chinese thing.
[SIGHS]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Yeah, so the scan..
[INTENSE MUSIC]
What..
[GASPING]
A bit, uh,
bit chilly, prof?
Sorry, I, uh..
Have you ever killed
anything, Mr. Goodman?
Certainly not.
Nothing
you'll admit to, eh?
The doctors
thought it best
that Maria spend another
night in the hospital
so I went back
to the house.
I had a stack of work
to do.
You're supposed to feel
safe in your own home
aren't you, Mr. Goodman?
Do you believe in evil,
professor?
I didn't..
...until that night.
[EERIE MUSIC]
[WOOD CREAKING]
[WOOD CREAKING]
[CLATTERING]
[GLASS SHATTERS]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Maria?
[CLATTERING]
[CLATTERING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[HEAVY BREATHING]
[GASPING]
Maria?
We are dead.
Why aren't you
in the hospital?
[INTENSE MUSIC]
[GROWLING]
[SCREAMING]
I managed to get out
of the room.
I don't know how long I'd been
standing there when the phone rang.
It was the hospital.
I knew what they were
going to tell me.
The prophet.
[CELL PHONE BEEPS]
Apparently,
the birth was..
He split her in two.
I'm glad
Maria never lived to see
what Barty looked like.
That would have
destroyed her.
No one believed that Barty
would have survived this long.
But somehow
life... finds a way.
It's what I've learned,
that, uh..
...life goes on.
[CHUCKLES]
What?
[GUN COCKS]
[GUNSHOT]
[GASPING]
Fuck. Fuck.
[INTENSE MUSIC]
[COUGHING]
Um..
Mr. Cameron, I didn't know
you were here.
I know exactly
what's going on.
Oh, thank God. What?
This whole thing's a stupid,
shitty hoax to get you back on TV.
It's a way of usurping me.
You are a lonely, jealous, bitter
old man, and that's the truth.
Mr. Goodman, you wouldn't
know the truth
if it kissed you
on the lips.
Well, I know this!
There is nothing
in any of these stories
that couldn't be
explained away
by any intelligent
five-year-old.
Nothing!
You just can't find it
in yourself.
Can you, Philip?
[GRUNTS]
You can't find
the humility
to admit that perhaps,
just perhaps
things are not always
as they seem.
And that is precisely
my point.
Everything, everything
is exactly as it seems.
You sure about that?
Yes.
[INHALES DEEPLY]
[SCREAMS]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[GROANING]
[LAUGHS]
You don't know
everything.
Do you, bubala?
[LAUGHING]
Oh.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Sorry, can we cut?
Who are you talking to?
Philip..
...the brain sees..
...what it wants to see.
Oh, I really wanna
show you something.
May I?
[SIGHS DEEPLY]
[CHUCKLES]
Um..
In you come.
Come on.
It will just be
the four of us.
You, me, Barty and, uh..
...you know who.
[GASPS]
One last chance,
Mr. Goodman.
Anything
you want to tell me?
About what? I'm..
6, 79, 19?
Jewface
Jewface Goodman
Mommy fucked
a dog shit
[CHUCKLES]
Okay, you weren't
at school with me.
- Who are you?
- Who are you?
Mr. Brain Box,
clever clogs
overachiever,
living on his own
there's no one
there at home.
Dare you turn some of that
prize-nominated
never-quite-winning acuity
onto yourself?
11, 92, 20?
Ah.
Come on. Ahem.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Wait, wait, please.
I don't like it.
Do you want to go in?
I can't.
[LAUGHTER]
That's on my shirt!
What are you doing, man?
- Yuck.
- Hey.
Oi, Jewface!
Oi, Jewface!
Come here.
- I've got to go home.
- Come here.
I've got to go home
for my tea.
Or what? Your fat pig
of a mom will eat it?
[LAUGHING]
I won't tell you again,
mate.
Get here.
Come on.
I'm not going
in there again, Freer.
[MOCKING] I'm not going
in there again, Freer.
Oh, don't shit yourself.
It is not a gas chamber.
[LAUGHS]
Stand over there.
Go on.
[SHATTERS]
Yes!
- Alright, pick one up.
- I don't wanna.
I don't give a shit
what you want.
Pick it up!
Go on.
Put it
in front of your face.
- What?
- In front of your face!
Now don't you
fucking move.
What are you playing?
[LAUGHING]
What is going on here?
Hey, Kojak!
Hey, come here, mate.
Oh, my God.
Come on, mate, quick.
Hey, Kojak.
- Wanna be in our gang?
- Can I?
Yeah, of course, you can,
mate, if you're cool enough.
Do you think
you're cool enough?
[LAUGHING]
Where do you think
you're going, Jewface?
- I need to get home.
- No, bollocks.
You're staying here.
You're gonna watch Kojak
do the 10th number.
Yeah, stay and watch.
Leave him alone, Freer.
You know he can't count.
Yeah, I can.
I can count to 100.
[LAUGHS]
See?
Right, come here.
Come here.
You see that
on the side of the Echo?
- What number is it?
- Six.
Yeah.
Well done. Well done.
That's the first number
of 10 different numbers
I've chalked up
on the walls in there.
All you have to do
to be in our gang
is go in, right the
way in, keep walking
until you find
all 10 of the numbers
and then remember which
is the 10th one, yeah?
- Callahan, there aren't...
- Mate!
I just need to remember
the 10th one?
Yeah, you only need
to remember the 10th one.
Now you've got to look
carefully 'cause some of them
are quite far apart. Yeah?
Shut up!
Now when you come out and tell
me what that 10th number is
if you tell me the correct
number, you can be in our gang.
Yeah? I'll start now.
Now hang on.
You're gonna need this.
It gets quite dark
in there.
Alright. Go get that
10th number then.
- Go on.
- Yay!
[LAUGHING]
Go on.
Six.
Good start.
[LAUGHING]
- What were you gonna say to him?
- Nothing.
You were gonna tell him there's
no 10th number, weren't you?
No, I wasn't.
I bet you weren't
gonna tell him
you shit yourself
when you tried it.
So keep it zipped
or else..
Alright?
I don't like it.
I wanna come out now.
Oh, don't give up now.
Please!
Oh, keep goin'.
I wanna come out.
It's really narrow.
Don't you fucking dare,
Kojak!
We're not letting you
out of there
until you find that
10th number, alright?
[GASPING]
[SCREAMING]
[GASPING]
Callahan!
Callahan!
[INTENSE MUSIC]
[PANTING]
You left him to die
in there, didn't you?
What could I have done?
Told someone
when you got home?
Brought it up
in assembly the next day?
How about running
into the Echo
to see
if Desmond needed help?
It was a fluke,
just one of those things.
- A horrible accident.
- How convenient for you.
We didn't know
he was asthmatic.
The only fluke here
is the fluke in his DNA
that left him vulnerable
to people like you.
People like me?
I've spent my life
trying to help people
tryin' to put back in
tryin' to help people
see the truth
in amongst the sea of
sentimental lies and crap.
[LAUGHS]
That's...
Don't laugh at me!
I wasn't the one
who made him go in there.
I wasn't the one who called
him Kojak to his face
and I wasn't the one who
wouldn't let him come out
when he wanted to.
I did nothing.
That's right.
You did nothing.
You passenger.
And since then how have you
spent your days, Mr. Goodman?
Reducing life's biggest questions
to atoms and molecules?
It is just
atoms and molecules.
What else is there,
for God's sake?
[BABY CRYING]
Hello, here I come.
Here I come.
Barty, shh, it's okay.
Look, look, look.
Look, it's alright.
Daddy's got meow-meow.
It's alright.
[CRYING]
Here we go, a big one.
Open wide. Open wide.
Yeah.
Yes. Good boy.
Good boy.
Good boy.
[BABBLES]
Good boy, Barty.
Oh, there's a good boy.
Mr. Goodman,
for all your clever talk
you're really more scared
than anyone, aren't you?
And what you've actually been doing
with your life isn't helping others
it's running
from your greatest fear
which is that there's more
than the here and now
and that every action
you've ever taken
or didn't take
has had an effect.
It's left a little trace.
A ghost of itself.
That's true, isn't it?
Shh.
Shh.
He's asleep.
- Shh.
- Shh.
Come on.
Shh.
[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
[INTENSE MUSIC]
Please.
[LAUGHING]
Callahan.
Callahan, I'm so sorry!
[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
[SOBS]
Oh, no.
Oh, no. Not, not again.
[LAUGHING]
Please.
[SOMBER MUSIC]
Please, please, please,
please, please, please.
Callahan,
please, please, please.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!
Please.
[SOBS]
Callahan. Callahan.
[LAUGHING]
[SCREAMING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
...and just went mad.
"That's typical of you,"
she said.
"Lord Muck, always
thinking of himself."
[SOFTLY] Yes, I know I missed
last Friday night, mom.
I'm sorry. Um, well,
you could tell dad
that I will be there
this Friday, okay?
Please, mom, I'm at work.
I've gotta go.
Love you too. Bye.
- Ah.
- Mr. Priddle.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Ah, yes.
"Professor Philip Goodman
"admitted April 13,
3:45 a.m.
attempted suicide."
[CLEARS THROAT] "Failed
self-asphyxiation in his car."
Silly bugger.
Shotgun in the mouth,
that's the way to do it!
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, better see this.
Mm-hmm.
Ha!
Right.
Neurological examination
reveals
fixed and dilated pupils.
So what's our verdict,
Dr. Rif-kind?
Rifkind, uh..
It, uh, coma.
Uh, probable lock-in.
He is here for keeps.
Yeah, just one
of those things.
Lights are on,
there's nobody home.
Well, as my old professor
Charlie Cameron used to say
"Let's just hope
his dreams are as sweet.
Next room, laddie,
next room."
Ha!
[CLEARS THROAT]
Hello again, sunbeam.
Don't mind me.
Love has a way
of, um, conquering.
Hi, Jeff.
Yes, it sounds silly
but we like...
we like doing
everything together,
whatever it is.
Even if it is just getting a
Chinky on a Saturday night.
Ooh, fried rice. Nice.
Alright.
See you tomorrow.
Be good.
[HUMMING]
Here we go, sunbeam.
A little change
of scenery.
[WHISTLING]
[THUD]
I was working in
the lab late one night
When my eyes beheld
an eerie sight
For my monster from his
slab began to rise
And suddenly
to my surprise
He did the mash
He did
the monster mash
The monster mash
It was
a graveyard smash
He did the mash
It caught on
in a flash
He did the mash
He did
the monster mash
From my laboratory
in the castle east
To the master bedroom
where the vampires feast
The ghouls all came from
their humble abodes
To get a jolt
from my electrodes
They did the mash
They did
the monster mash
The monster mash
It was
a graveyard smash
They did the mash
It caught on
in a flash
They did the mash
They did
the monster mash
The zombies
were having fun
The party
had just begun
The guests
included Wolfman
Dracula and his son
The scene was rockin'
All were digging
the sounds
Igor on chains backed
by his baying hounds
The coffin bangers
were about to arrive
With their vocal group
The Crypt-Kicker Five
They played the mash
They played
the monster mash
The monster mash
It was
a graveyard smash
They played the mash
It caught on
in a flash
They played the mash
They played
the monster mash
Out from his coffin
Drac's voice did ring
Seems he was troubled
by just one thing
He opened the lid
And shook his fist
and said
Whatever happened to
my Transylvania twist?
It's now the mash
It's now
the monster mash
The monster mash
And it's
a graveyard smash
It's now the mash
It's caught on
in a flash
It's now the mash
It's now
the monster mash
Now everything's cool
Drac's a part
of the band
And my monster mash
is the hit of the land
For you the living
this mash was meant too
When you get to my door
tell them Boris sent you
Then you can mash
Then you can
monster mash
The monster mash
And do
my graveyard smash
Then you can mash
You'll catch on
in a flash
Then you can mash
Then you can
monster mash
[GRUNTING]
Mash good!
Easy, Igor,
you impetuous young boy.
[GRUNTS]
Mash good! Mm.
[GRUNTING]
Monster mash aah ooh
Monster mash aah ooh
Monster mash aah ooh
Monster mash aah ooh
[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]