Ghostbox Cowboy (2018) Movie Script

No, I'm the same way.
Yeah, no.
I'm just, I'm just
glad to be here.
I'm glad to see you too.
So I think it was last year,
but it could have
been two years ago.
But there was a huge
problem in China
with the watermelon supply.
Basically watermelons started
spontaneously combusting.
So because of that there
was a huge shortage,
and like the cost of
melons went up.
But that's the reason that I
don't eat Chinese fruit.
I basically try to stay away
from things
that blow up on their own.
China is amazing.
I don't like watermelons anyhow,
so it's fine with me.
When I was in the United States,
I was, uh, I was...
...just everything, everything
wasn't working out
too well for me.
And basically, for somebody
without a
proper college education,
Or all the fucking paperwork
or whatever...
the fact that I'm a genius
really didn't make a difference
uh, when I was trying
to get a job.
And I was thinking,
"How could I kill myself?"
Like, "How could
I actually do it?"
Like, I didn't want to
kill myself,
I wanted something to kill me.
Just happened to be
in the middle of the road
at 2 in the morning...
uh, wearing black,
something like that.
And right then,
I got a call from my friend.
And my friend
offered me a chance to come to,
come to China.
What was he doing?
iPhone? Fake iPhone 3G?
Yeah, this is Jimmy Van Horn?
of Big Horn Global?
Yeah, I just wanted
to follow up.
We talked prior in an email
Remember Spesh hooked me up
...and he said he got
your info through
Johnny Mai Thai? And uh...
Uh, no, I have everything
here now.
We've gone through
the R&D phase,
We've relocated our
company to China.
There was not a lot of
information about it before,
But for proprietary reasons, I,
uh, you know...
...wanted to reveal it in a,
uh... bread crumb
...trail method, that uh,
as I referred to it.
You're actually developing it
in China,, you're trying to get it
manufactured in China?
and I just moved over here, and
then the other...
But... you have a prototype?
Yeah, yeah. I have two
And you have the design?
Right. I have a basic design, I have
more of a functional prototype...
Then in the spiritual world, that there
are products that, that, you know...
But I think at that point
you have to work
with like, priests and shamans..
...and that sort of thing, get them to the point that they
can start manifesting physical reality.
Before you can go
to the next step,
which is trying to market that.
If you really want to make
there's other opportunities.
Literally, if you walk
down the street,
it would be almost impossible to
not make money...
...if you have $20,000
that you want to invest.
For online purposes,
it would open..
By connecting... until we can connect
with them, we don't know what they need.
Because I mean, it's the same thing...
I can do it a cheaper way...
Because you could go to Africa,
And you could set them up on
the Internet, too, right?
Get a big factory, and then just load
it full of laptops, cheap laptops...
And have everybody
looking online.
It's about the same value,
because the people
that are looking
are obviously not going to buy
a product or service.
So it's the same as if you
have dead people.
So it would be actually cheaper
just to go to Africa
and set that up.
And I have a friend in Africa
that can help set that up for
you if you want to do that.
Uh, this area here
is my favorite,
because there's less
white people.
So I mean, why come to China?
And you'll say like, "Oh, I'm
from America."
They say, "Oh, no no no, we have
a contract with America."
Each store, each little stand
is a factory.
Each floor has about 10,000
There's 50 floors.
I don't know what any of this
shit does.
Do you need to?
No, not at all, man.
I've got people to do that for
me, you know?
So it's not about buying, like,
this one piece.
He wants to sell you like,
200,000 pieces.
The dealings are very grey.
Know what I mean?
You don't want your shit to get
ripped off, right?
You don't do everything in the
same place.
Because nobody knows what the
fuck they're building.
So basically you just have to
trust them?
You have to have 100% trust.
How do you establish that?
Or how do you figure who-
I have a... I have a personal,
I can personalize it.
I have a personal vested
interest in this.
I happen to have a grandmother
that is deceased.
I have used this to communicate
directly with, with my
Um, in America we refer
to it as our Nana.
Um, it was my Nana
The personal relationship that
you have,
could you, could you demo this
for us?
Right now?
Would you be able to?
Um.. It's got the 9 volt
battery in there, right?
It's... yes, yes, yes, it's
already, like...
Basically you have to be in
certain places, like...
There is a certain, um...
We've got a great signal in
here, actually.
Oh, no, I understand that.
But there's a certain geographic
reference point...
It just basically has
a little more...
I'd love to see, I'd love to
see how the product works.
Yeah, yeah yeah.
Could you just turn
it on for us?
Absolutely. Absolutely.
It's uh, the key to remember
that there's not some specific
There is the great unifier in
the world, is death.
And this...
OK, so...
so do you have a lead investor
on the cap table?
The deal's already syndicated,
you've got a lead
investor who says...
We have committed and
preliminary committed
that we're dealing with.
It's tertiary, in that regard,
which is why I'm here.
If I had everything in place
then I wouldn't be needing to
talk to anyone such as yourself.
But we have, we have it...
So you need financing?
OK. Well, what is
the rollout plan?
Are you Kickstarting?
Um, Kickstarting,
that is one...
Who's your influencer?
Um, there are multiple
and one agitator.
And violator, um...
So we have that in place.
But let me just say, it's a
high-stakes influencer.
Where I come from, we have a
phrase that is uh
"These will sell like
the hot cakes."
You mean, "sell like hot
not "sell like the hot cakes?
It's like a breakfast dish
that is round and sweet.
Yeah, I know, I'm from
Cleveland, Ohio.
I know what hot cakes are.
We have diners.
Clearly we're speaking
the same language.
Was that racist?
No! No, no no.
Pancakes are for everyone.
And as far as
I'm concerned here,
we are in a post-racist...
Things in Shenzhen have changed
quite a bit in the last couple
So the good news is there are
high net worth individuals,
...people that will invest in
these sorts of devices
who are sort of
doing it for fun.
They're just recreationally
in random projects
that they have...
...very little expertise in.
And there are people who can
exclusively connect you with
that kind of capital.
We uh... we had a name for them,
right? They're...
I've heard that term.
Yeah, my friend Bob Grainger
is the one that's got me up to
speed with everything here.
Do you guys know him?
Yeah, we know Bob.
Yeah, he's the one that got me
out here...
I wouldn't be over here
if I wasn't willing to put it on
the line...
...if I wasn't willing to put
my own money
into the R&D.
I know you put your money
where your mouth is.
...for a product where it hasn't
been imagined yet. And so...
I've got to foresee
in the future
that this is something
that is viable.
But I gotta put it in
to a package.
We've got to sell
the whole thing.
We can't, I can't pitch them
just one thing.
We've got to pitch them a
whole ton of things.
Well yeah. I'm going to...
and here's the thing.
It took me two years to
get where I'm at
And I am at a substantially
excellent place right now.
I'm going to microwave you,
I'm going to fast track you in.
This one party,
you're going to meet 100 of the
most influential
12 year old billionaires
in China.
We're going to pitch
our products.
They don't even
care if they work.
Let me tell you something.
There are three rules in China: young and youthful, and
totally interesting.
Don't be an old
curmudgeon shit bag.
Don't fall in love with a
beautiful hooker.
Thank you, nice to meet you all.
I'm just so glad that all of you
can meet.
This is a very
auspicious moment.
I've been here 11 years and
eaten a lot of heads. you a way into
people's heads... features
decent dentures
at the perfect price
Need dentures, don't want to pay
an arm and a leg?
Need to get your message
out into the world?
And they feel so good!
I'm wearing them right now and
they feel
incredibly natural to me.
- Wow.
- Mmhm.
We've already got a million
dollars invested.
We're wondering if you'd be
willing to come in for that
second million
as a joust.
A jouster.
OK. I think, I think we can
handle that.
I think that's spectacular.
Thanks Jimmy and Bufus.
Oh yes!
Jimmy! Jimmy!
Jimmy! Jimmy!
Can you tell us a joke?
Yeah. I used to give a
Japanese speech.
At the end of the speech, I say,
"Thank you very much."
And the teacher say,
"No, you should say in
So I come again,
"Sank you very much-ie"
Can you hear another joke?
Please! Please!
It was very hard for
me to grow up,
because my mom loves me...
...and she beats me a lot.
And when my grandma
look at this,
she would say, "Stop it!"
"My turn!"
"Stop it! My turn!"
Sounds like my Grandma!
Q-zone, and then 0 on zingot?
So that's just the
breakdown in there.
So let me just show you where,
of what, that little bit...
Now you take that, you multiply
it exponentially
once we create these
The way we do it is with a
couple interfaces.
One is a portable device.
Using EMF frequency,
electromagnetic frequency,
...that is the tracking unit
by which we are able to measure
the presence of a ghost.
And then this helps port
between spiritual
and material world.
...port connectivity.
I'm sure everyone
has a dead grandparent
that they want to talk to.
I can communicate with my
With this one?
Yeah, yeah.
If she wants to
communicate with you.
If you know, if your one
company could
produce the electronics,
...the other company could
produce the plastic.
We did.
You could? You could?
Because there's a lot of
And then, I think we can upgrade
the materials of those ones.
Looks beautiful, looks good.
Of the outside.
I love it.
I think I need to take
some picture?
Do any other research?
Uh, that sounds great!
Yeah. I think this better.
- OK, OK.
- Do you want me to pose?
Would you mind? Would you
Sure, I want to get this
business going!
Well, smile again!
OK, thanks!
It's good you got the product
and the owner.
That's good, Jimmy. Thank you.
I got your product.
We now resume our regular
You are crazy!
You look like you went through a
time machine, man!
Isn't that true?
And the hair?
I'm back!
I look like I'm 40!
I'm 68 years old!
68 years old.
Grizzly short cut. Oh my God.
They don't... you know,
you can't have dip here.
I know!
It's a life sentence!
You told me!
20 to life per can!
$40k in bitcoin!
This was not easy.
This was not easy, but
I wasn't going to come without
it, though.
I knew my delayed life plan
was over buddy.
What, sit around
wait for retirement?
Sit around and wait for a better
world in Heaven?
That's bullshit.
30 years ago, this was
a fishing village.
People throwing hemp nets in,
and catching little minnows.
You know?
Now it's the biggest
city in the world.
iPhone, GoPro,
FitFit, smart beds.
You know?
And now you and I are here
to play in this forgotten
America's dead.
It's such a relief to finally
be out of there.
I know how you feel.
I had no life in America.
I had nothing.
You know?
I was lonely, depressed
I probably would have killed
If I hadn't come here, and...
I just, you know, part of me,
I get real down thinking I
wasted all that time.
No! No, no no no.
And then with you...
You're my hero for
standing here right now.
Johnny Mai Thai really
believes in you, man.
And obviously, you know, I
appreciate the support from him.
From you, and from everyone.
I wouldn't have... I wouldn't
have made it out here otherwise.
And I, and I recognize that.
Should we get the concept
So 2D is okay, so we can
actually extrude
the 2D from the 3D?
I think we need to try 2 or 3
Got to do that to make
sure the size is OK.
Yeah, and we need
to do consumer testing
with those prototypes, too.
Make sure we're getting
the results we want.
Especially those biometric
So 2 or 3 prototypes, I think?
Is better.
So the colors, we still
can't do the colors.
So people feel very serene
when they're actually
in the bath
with the gargoyle
watching them.
Yeah, that would be good.
Yeah, because this is
there is no such thing as
international law, to speak.
We set up business arbitration,
in someplace that's kind
of like a middle ground.
So usually Hong Kong?
If there's anything wrong,
you two can talk it out there.
Without the long
and lengthy process
of using a justice system that
nobody really...
It's not really set up to do...
to iron out the wrinkles... business relationships.
This I agree with. Yeah.
Totally agree.
But thank you so much for
taking the time
to meet with us.
Really appreciate it.
Thank you.
And is there anything you guys
want to do
while you're here in Reno?
Is there...?
Uh, I think...
Play gun?
Oh, with guns?
I mean, Reno is the
capital of guns.
But we are Chinese,
so we don't know...
Oh, we can totally
make that happen.
We don't point to scare,
we don't point to intimidate.
We point to kill.
- Okay?
- Okay.
So when you're
out hunting today?
You know, if you see something,
go ahead.
If I could make a
suggestion, y'all...
I'd load up one of those
explosive bullets.
As you bring it in, from the
back right here...
And then slide it in.
We definitely got him.
It's okay.
He saying something, I don't
know what he's saying.
He's like answering my question
with a question or some shit.
But I think we're close.
Hougie Town is the only place
that pays you
to just show up and be a fuckup!
I got my shit together!
I'm not kidding you
when I tell you that.
I'm going to turn your $40k
into $2 million dollars.
I'm being smart
about revealing it,
so just... if you don't mind,
Oh, I'm not going to tell
anybody shit!
We're 600 miles from the
epicenter of this
factory, in Mongolia.
It's just emitting plumes and
plumes of smoke.
But that smoke is comprised of
billions of little
smartdust cells.
It's a microprocessor,
but on the subatomic level.
But you get used to it.
You start to crave it.
So this happened a
little while ago
in the north of China.
And, just out of nowhere,
this huge population of giant
gerbils just appeared.
Not just like regular gerbils,
but giant
fucking crazy Chinese gerbils.
They started devouring the
just eating everything
in their path.
So what they did is
they started a
breeding farm of eagles.
They, I mean, to get them to
just go faster
they were using growth
...and crazy shit.
And they had trained them to
go after gerbils.
What they didn't
count on was how
ferocious these
fucking gerbils were.
And in the end the gerbils won.
Just slaughtered the eagles.
And so the Chinese,
as determined as they are,
they found another solution.
And what it ended
up being is that
in the US, at the same time...
...assisted suicide
was becoming a thing.
I mean, it was becoming legal.
Life on earth is
beautiful and short.
What happens after we die?
The usefulness of a window is
not in the frame
but in the empty space that
lets the light through.
The usefulness of a cup is
not merely in the clay
but in the empty space
that holds the coffee.
Nothing is something.
Like trying to be somebody
is being nobody.
And vice versa.
Introducing Ghoster,
the world's first transdimensional
communication device.
So at the same time, in the US
suicide was becoming
kind of fashionable.
It was becoming legal.
And so a Chinese company
had come up with a cyanide pill
like pre-packaged, ready-to-go,
and it had a US flag on it.
And the issue was when it got to
the US customs authorities
they said, you know... just, that wasn't
going to happen.
So they had sent the whole
shipment back.
So the Chinese
used this to their advantage
and they loaded up planes packed
with these cyanide pills.
And they laid them out
over the wasteland.
But at this point,
the gerbils had already consumed
everything in their area.
And they were moving south.
For the cities.
And so now, in the north of
there's a strip of land
60 miles wide
...and a thousand miles long,
just littered with these
little cyanide pills
with the US flag on them.
Do you pay your taxes?
And I mean, the gerbils are
still out there
it's still an issue.
They're just devouring
There's still people trying to
figure out
where they even came from.
Quite dangerous with
animals or people?
Animals or people?
Both. Yeah.
What kind of animals?
The pig, I think the wild pig.
Oh, wild pig?
Ah, okay.
Wild pigs?
I'm so excited to, you know,
to be...
and I'm glad, you know, you guys
liked the products.
You guys think it's very doable?
Hey, Bob!
Hey, how are you?
I'm fine.
Good to see you.
It's pretty awesome, man!
It's pretty awesome, right?
Hey, so is Spesh
going to be there?
We're going to meet him.
Crazy Andrew coming too?
Crazy Andrew is
definitely coming.
I know Crazy Andrew is
more of a definite
than Spesh is.
Were they excited when you were
telling them about it?
They're floored by it.
Dongguan Dean, there's
Dongguan Dean,
Billy Dammit
all the kids are going to be
The biggest thing that I'm most
excited about though
is Johnny Mai Thai sent Laser
Fox down.
That's how excited he is.
Everybody's down for what you're
and we're all here to back you
Hey! Hey, hello!
So good to see you!
This is my boy Jimmy!
Jimmy, I want you to meet the
Balloon magnate of all of China.
All of China.
We're here to follow up on that
thing I was talking about!
When you think of balloons,
you think of this
man right here.
King of Balloons.
You know how we're
gonna get the money out, right?
All the money these little
billionaire kids give us?
a little thumb drive thing
I'm going to shove it up my ass,
take it across the river.
At the same time, maintain a
a sense of proprietary
Only when I was trying...
When I was asking Bob.. about..
what you guys do...
I think you're looking at a
double jouster
I swear to God you're looking at
4 million dollars
Not kidding? Shit.
I've never seen
them so excited
Did they tell you...?
Yes! I would be
so fucking jealous.
If Johnny Mai Thai felt
the way about you
that he felt about me,
if I wasn't involved
in this deal?
I would have been freaked out!
Right! Don't you remember the
Somerset Maugham volume?
It came in three parts!
I'm willing to say, I think this
birthmark is a blessing.
Mitochondrian DNA
You see that?
Let's say 'happy birthday' to
mankind, motherfucker!
Hey brother I got
something for ya.
So, I'm so excited to be here.
It's not only my birthday,
but the birthdate of my new
corporation, Big Horn Global.
A new paradigm is upon us!
The usefulness of a window
is not in the frame,
but in the empty space
that lets the light and holds
the coffee
And nothing is something.
Everything in the world is a
Do you know why it's
better than this?
Because it's after-party,
you know?
After party!
There's somewhere, you're going
to be like, "Uh,"
You're going to be like, "Oh
yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah."
This is like a police
car in the United States.
I'm stuck in prison.
Are you OK? Are you alright?
Everything gonna be...
Take... show me... you feel this?
You orgasm how many times
Oh ten times.
Oh my goodness.
Just from touching
your index finger.
You see this?
I can't help it.
It's been so long since I've
been in the joint.
You know what dude?
You know what?
You're going to knock me out?
"I do not understand why
prostitution is illegal.
Why should prostitution
be illegal?
"Selling is legal,
fucking is legal."
"Why isn't selling fucking
Daisy Duke.
Chinese version of Daisy Duke.
If I had known that everything
was hinging on the speech,
I mean, I could have
prepared it differently.
But no one told me...
they just said to make a few
words about it...
All you had to do was
say your name.
I got up
You got up,
in your flag suit...
And you offended everyone.
the DJ started playing,
and clearly it was just meant to
be a party environment
So the DJ is your boss?
No, but it's like...
you know, how
it was obviously not
part of the agenda.
I didn't know about the speech,
I didn't know about all the
other stuff you guys, you know,
paid for, you know, the
No, you. You paid for that.
You... paid for that.
No, Bob said you
had that covered.
Fuck your bitcoin.
Your 40,000 didn't
even cover security.
You had 200 Russian
models there.
I didn't ask for
200 Russian models!
You don't throw a party for
triad investors
without 200 Russian
models, you idiot.
There weren't any investors there.
I didn't, I didn't see any.
You were put in front of them.
You know what you did with that?
You fucked it!
I think what Donny is trying
to say is
the optics were extremely bad.
That was all the money I had,
I put everything into that.
I did everything I was asked to
do leading into it.
And you seemed fine with that at
the time and now you're...
What are we getting at?
Are, are you guys... are you guys
not interested in Ghostr anymore?
To be honest,
I didn't realize until just now
you were serious about it.
I assumed it was fake.
Like all of Bob's products.
I don't...
need you vamping me out and
thinking you're the man
because you're the first monies
in, alright?
We have a long history
and I've put a lot of trust in
you with this,
and I need you to follow
If something happened to you,
I hope you're doing okay
and I apologize.
But there is a lot
at stake here.
I'm on standby.
Now more than 17 million dollars
worth of bitcoin,
the online digital currency,
has been stolen
in the 2nd largest
hack of its kind.
Hong Kong based bitcoin
exchange, BitFinex
said it has suspended
trading after a
security breach where
120,000 bitcoin
have been stolen from the
platform globally.
And looking at how the digital
currency is managed, over 20%...
Bob, Ghostr's been
CTRL-C'd in Wahshanbei,
it must have been brain drained
between phase 1 and 2.
This is like the 5th message
I have left for you.
I just called Tax Ninja
and he didn't even know where
you were.
It's hitting the
critical point now.
I have nothing left.
I need your help on this,
because I'm not going to last long
if I don't get this worked out.
Calm down.
How did you know
it was knocked off.
It's not a very unique box.
I'm positive. I don't
know what else...
there's no other way.
No, you're not sure.
Who did you give
the design file to?
Bob. Well, Bob saw it because
he's been walking me
through the whole process, and
then at the dinner...
Whoah whoah whoah.
What do you mean dinner?
Yeah, but there was
no other way...
that was the only way to get introduced
to Vincent, through the dinner.
Do you have enough money for a
hotel, or...
where you at for money?
I've been doing everything out
of the Bighorn Global account
and it's pretty much drained.
You want me to
make some calls?
If you can get a hold of Bob I'd
appreciate it,
if you could get a
hold of Vincent.
I, everyone has iced me out
right now.
Alright. Hang tight.
Let me make some phone calls and
I'll get right back to you.
Get back to me soon, though.
I was in the metro
and it was really hot
and sweaty day.
This guy just grabbed my shirt
and sneezed into my shirt.
And he just looked at me like,
"Yup, I just sneezed, I just
sneezed on your shirt."
And we had to sit there,
standing next to each other,
like just staring at each other
face to face,
like 3 inches away
from his face.
Just for like 15 minutes
until we got to the next stop.
He just didn't care.
But didn't that guy end up
becoming your best friend?
The guy who sneezed
on your shirt?
You said you exchanged numbers,
became friends.
He just can't stand human
to which I can
totally relate to.
And he had a factory of 500
people replaced to machinery.
Didn't you tell me he fired all
of them except for one guy?
Yeah, he walked me in
and he showed me the guy's
office, it was empty.
He looked down, he was really
"I couldn't get rid of him."
"Because he's the guy that
makes the machines."
Happens every year in China.
Betrayal Season.
It's kind of like Thanksgiving
for Americans or
Christmas for the Irish.
This is sweaty betrayal.
Sweaty betrayal season.
Everybody comes out to betray
you at the same time.
It's a community effort.
Don't know what causes it, but
it's areal thing.
You will get fucked in July.
Uh, so I'm a little preoccupied
with pulling penises out of my
ass right now.
Would you say that?
So let's just get through
this phase,
so I can get back to what I was
doing before,
which is just fixing everything
for everybody.
Is that what I said yesterday?
You said it at some point.
Then it's kind of classic.
They're going to do a meeting
You want to go make some money?
What's involved?
Showing up, but I mean,
it's like really good,
really good money.
I'm talking to you about like
real money.
No no, it's just that...
And it's not like
fucking it off,
because that would be fucking
massively destructive, right?
No, no no no no, no...
They're looking for Americans to
get involved?
Well, they're looking for the
best people
that they can find to get
involved. Right?
And they have the money to back
it up, so you can take it...
I've heard that, yeah.
I mean, it's legitimate. It's
like a fucking meeting, you know?
No, that's how... I mean...
No, I mean, but yeah, just...
No no, that's... I would,
that's super
I like long-distance running,
and swimming, and traveling,
you know, to other countries and
other places.
So that's what brought me here.
You know, the desire to see
other things and other places.
I moved here.
So permanently, yeah. Yeah,
I do, I swim a lot.
We have a pool party.
Oh, pool party!
I would, yeah yeah...
Yeah, anything you need.
I'm ready to dive in.
I will work my
fingers to the bone.
So yeah, I have a lot of energy.
I have a lot of energy.
Can I ask you a very
personal question?
I like girls. So yeah.
Oh, you are straight.
OK, yes.
So we might want to change your
energetic cowboy look
into a very energetic, maybe
sporty look.
Maybe you know, slim fit,
polo shirts...
Yeah, yeah. Very sunshiney and
sporty look to match their products
Are you okay with it? Because
for marketing campaign,
young people especially...
Yeah, no I think that's good.
They have product team,
they have marketing team, and
marketing campaign,
and also social medias.
So they like international
I had an idea for a crane!
Just basically can work on four
buildings at once,
it's like a quatro-crane? So
you can build
this building over here...
and this building here, here,
and here.
We could quadruple
civilization in
like, 25 years with that shit.
You think that's a good idea?
You like that idea?
How you doing?
Oh, I like this pink color.
Yeah, wonderful.
Can I see your teeth?
Smile, please?
Yeah, yeah yeah.
Ah, let me see.
Oh, oh, no no no.
uh listen
So whenever you want to smile,
just smile like this.
Closed mouth?
Yes! Oh, wonderful,
that's much better.
You should tell
the story of "you"
but without any words.
Show exciting,
but without any emotion.
That's very important. Right?
I understand.
This is what I normally do,
this project I'm putting
No no no no no no no.
No, he's fine.
You are not here for social, OK?
No no...
Yeah, you understand?
I understand, this was after we
were done, so it was once we...
You do your job, that's it.
Remember. That's all for today.
You can't do it, man. You just
can't do it.
You guys have to look deep
within yourselves
and realize we're all
part of the same ecosystem.
Fear has two meanings:
forget everything and run,
or face everything and rise.
The choice is yours.
It's very easy to use, right?
It's very easy!
Sell this shit. Don't play.
What I'm doing?
What you told me to do!
No, I'm doing everything you
I'm letting everyone know!
I thought you were fine-
You've broken this shit, man.
You've broken the fucking shit.
I want to tell you that we hired
you for the hove board product
because we thought you
are a product guy.
And we expected you to...
we expected you to at least do
some introduction
of the functionality of the
Yes well, Carrie, then it is
your responsibility
to give me the parameters which
within to work,
so then I can thrive-
with what this character is
supposed to deliver.
I was under the impression
that all I was supposed to do
was smile and wave.
Well, we're clear right now,
That's your job, it's not the
thing you should do,
it's the thing that you have to
do, right?
So I want you
to understand that.
We don't get paid.
If we don't get paid, you are
not getting paid.
So we can still pay
you a KFC coupon...
This isn't sustainable.
I don't eat meat on bones.
Here's what we're going to do.
Please repeat.
I, Jimmy, will take my dick out
of my ass...
They have such particular
of what you're wanting to get
out of this.
I specifically managed this
meeting, because
out of all of the homeless
foreigners in this country,
you managed to be the only one
that looks like a cowboy.
That's the only reason that you
got this opportunity.
This isn't an opportunity!
Peddling a bootleg Segway
isn't an opportunity!
I'm an entrepreneur, Spesh.
I need to talk to Johnny and
I need to talk to him now.
You know, you try to be nice.
This is all been very very
friendly, very very nice.
And then there's the threshold,
and then over that it's just
satanic hatred...
of everyone.
No, no, that's mine!
But where was this made?
Because I designed it.
Alright, how much is that?
- $380?
- Yeah.
Will you give me 200?
Look, just because I'm not
part of a particular ecosystem
doesn't mean I can't
be fully integrated.
Why can't you help
me get fully integrated?
Johnny's supposed to be
the lead on this,
his name is on the term sheet.
I've known that
guy my whole life.
Why am I talking to you about
how to see him?
Johnny Mai Thai doesn't
like to be disturbed,
he really respects his privacy
and he likes it when other
people follow suit.
I can't get cut off from every
elite founder in China
just because I flubbed a speech
at a Guanxi event...
He's not responsible for anyone.
None of us.
Spesh, I need to see
Johnny Mai Thai,
and I don't need you to be
an intermediary.
This is crazy.
I've known this guy my whole life, the
fact that he is the lead on this?
I mean you can't even give me a
straight answer at this point?
I can't be kept in
a vault like this.
The guy is intricately
invoked with this,
why do I have to go through you?
This is ridiculous.
Why can't you just
give me his number
and tell me where he is?
You want to see Johnny Mai Thai?
You really want to see
Johnny Mai Thai?
I'll tell you exactly
where he is.
About 1600 miles north of here,
there's a brand new
city built to be
the biggest city in the world,
except it's totally empty,
only 25 people there.
That means there's only 25
lights on at night.
One of those lights is Johnny.
Goodbye, shit head.
I've been getting into poetry,
D.H. Lawrence.
I never saw a wild
thing sorry for itself
a small bird will drop frozen
dead from a bough
without ever having
felt sorry for itself.
I literally repeat that in my
head over and over and over,
on repeat.
Because the problem
is just humanity,
I just don't like other people.
The vast majority of other human
beings that we cohabitate with
are sociopaths or zombies,
you know?
People that will betray you.
If this can
actually work, right?
If I can get to a
zen-like state,
if there's a way in your mind
that you can visualize
people as trees
or people as rocks,
where I can just
interact with people
at the very moment that I need
to interact with them,
then erase them from my memory,
and erase them from
my thought processes,
for the rest of my life,
then I would be
willing to cooperate,
then I'd be willing to
participate in life.
I would stay for a while,
stay for good.
I have no problem
with the Earth,
I just have a problem with all
the people on the Earth.
One room, please.
One room?
In case these can work?
Do you know,
Excuse me.
But Johnny Mai Thai?
Here, prepare to be civilized.
Hi, Jimmy, it's Carrie.
Spesh told me that you might
be in Northern China
in Dong Sun district.
Is that true?
I'm in Ordos, yeah.
Well, we were actually
contacted by a client
very near there that
needs a white guy.
Is it possible for you?
What is it?
It's performing at a ceremony.
It could be good for you because
these are more
country people clients.
They're not used to
seeing white guys.
You can maybe use your own authentic
strange weirdness way to do that?
You actually going to pay me
this time?
Well, it's not up to me. It's
upon you.
It depends on you.
I said there are many people,
and the people, you need
to show yourself.
- Your name is Randy, not Jimmy.
- Okay.
You remember that?
You are a film star,
and you are a cowboy.
this is really important.
- Do you know the song?
- Yes.
Promise that.
Yes, I promise.
If you lose this,
I will lose my job
and I will lose my life.
Do you remember that?
Yes. Yes, okay.
Are you ready?
Yes. Yes, okay.
- If you're ready, just go.
- Okay.
Here comes the bride,
all dressed in white
Here comes the groom
Doo doo doo,
doo doo doooooo.
Thank you.
Who the hell on Earth cannot
finish one song?
Even a kid can finish
one whole song.
I don't know the lyrics,
and I wasn't told that that's
what I was singing.
That's bullshit!
You are ruining my reputation.
I'm really upset right now.
And as well as my client.
If you can't sing or talk or
at least you can do is show
some authentic emotions,
emotions, emotions!
We keep telling you, emotions!
What do you mean
authentic emotion?
You don't know
what emotion is?
Something that
connects to people,
and it's country people
that's your main target,
that's why we hiring you.
You know what?
Shame on me hiring you
to show us something
but you did not do it.
I don't go halfway with this
sort of thing, Carrie-
- Stop! Stop!
- Enough, Jimmy, stop!
- Everything I've given is 100%
Stop, stop! Stop!
You leave the country, Jimmy.
- Deported! Deported!
- No, no, no, Carrie please.
- D-E-P-O-R-T, Deported!
- It doesn't have to come to that.
It doesn't have to come to that.
...much worse!
You go away.
I think you know what I mean.
Goodbye Jimmy.
Wearing a white suit and penny
loafers and spelunking hat.
Nice to walk on a clean
hard floor, isn't it?
Nice to just walk on in, right?
Because our doors
are always open?
You know my wife, Joanna...
Cousin Ronny from Cameron Parish
This is Jimmy.
My best friend.
From Port Arthur.
Go on and have a seat.
What happened to your face?
You ever get the one where
a ghost flies through you,
slaps your hand
down on your carrot
fixes your car
and tells you to date some woman
and marry her
and calls you a motherfucking
stupid fucking asshole
bout every time you try to
pass a rearview mirror
on your way to the motherfucking
cemetery, bruh?
You ever get like that?
Me, I guess I got one
of 'em real bad
and now you're lookin' at it
3000 years ago,
if you heard a voice
that said kill your dog,
kill your mama
that wasn't a crazy voice,
that was the voice of God
and you obeyed it immediately
and now you gotta ask yourself
what voice are you listening to?
I'm not a poet,
I'm an entrepreneur.
How'd it go with the...
...the one that Father Regard
used to say
at Thanksgiving mass?
Ended up in your video, bruh.
The usefulness of a cup is not
in the clay
but in the empty space that
holds the coffee.
The usefulness of a window
is not in the frame
but in the empty space
that lets the light through.
Nothing is something.
That's why trying to be somebody
is trying to be nobody
and vice versa.
I call that message zero.
Better start being
nobody prontissimo.
Me I know what you went
through back home.
I know what they did you
That's why I told Bobby and them
pull out all the stops.
Make him a king.
Sorry we couldn't do
enough for you, bruh.
It ain't for not trying.
Transit, commerce, leisure-
is what IT creates!
Travel, making purchases, and
is what IT demands!
And IT demands that you
Come with me
See you around, Johnny.
Hey, Jimmy.
That's a gift,
when you don't know who you are,
or why you're doing it...
you put that on.
Not sure if you caught it,
but my name is Ronny.
So here's what you're
going to do:
You're going to take the road
that you came in on, back.
The road will lead you to a
new development
on the east end of Kanbashi
Kanbashi. Say it back to me
so I know you're listening.
You will meet Xiao Zhou,
he'll be with a camel.
I suggest you give him a
or gift of some kind.
He would appreciate that.
He will give you the camel.
You will take the
camel and lead it
gently to the east.
There you will find the new
What do I do then?
I don't know, I never worked
for those guys.
Tss, tss, tss, tss.
Come on!
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
your last message of the day,
Every man a king.