Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go to College (1991) Movie Script
1
Morlock vehar atash.
Atash pesel.
Open now
the porcelain vessel.
Shades of darkness,
creatures dire.
- Ow.
- We're here.
You said the magic words.
Here's Johnny.
Prize time. You win a
trip to the Super Bowl!
- Give it to me. You use this one.
- Close your eyes.
- Why?
- Use your heads.
- The book! No.
- Shades of darkness, creatures dire.
Transform me now
into consuming fire!
Good morning.
This is WGAZ, GAZ.
Rise and shine.
It's day one
of prank week.
Will the Betas regain the
prank crown from the Gammas?
Only time will tell.
Hey!
Oh, shit!
Huh?
Whoa!
Professor, get out
of the way!
Whoa!
Fuck.
Whoa.
Number one.
This is one for
the collection.
Whoa, whoa!
"Lux tenebrae
splenetic birth,
conjures the spirits
of dark mirth.
Hermetic words
of ancient lore,
make ghoulies slumber
deep no more.
Argo pesel
vitae sprite,
through dark fantastic
dance of night.
Wow, what is
this shit?
Hey, Wes, come on!
We're gonna be late.
It's prank week.
Yeah. Okay, okay,
I'm coming.
Can't spend all the
day on the can, amigo.
What'd you do,
fall in?
Brothers, there's just
no comparing a Gamma yank
with a Beta Zeta
Theta yank.
Would a Gamma
have the cunning
to drill and re-pipe every
campus water fountain?
Would a Gamma Psi,
could a Gamma Psi
ever conceive of rigging
an ejector bench?
Skip Carter, you are
a yanking god.
And remember, you have lunch with
the board of regents at noon today.
Oh.
All right, move, move, move.
Professor coming through.
Oh, it's the old man.
Perfect.
Brothers, now here's
a prime example
of a lame yank,
no doubt perpetrated
by those brain-drained
Gamma Psis.
I'll bet they're aiming a
water Cannon at us right now.
- All right, come on now.
- Coming through.
There are classes
being held today, you know.
Professor Ragnar.
Yeah!
Carter.
Don't touch me.
Clap it, slap it,
wrap it.
You won't get away with those
foolish pranks this year.
But that wasn't us.
I catch you
one more time--
You and your silly
frat brothers are out.
- Ha!
- Come.
Gamma, Gamma, Gamma!
Yes, clap it, slap it,
and wrap it.
Too bad, Carter.
Heilman. You think
asshole tactics like that
are gonna win you
the prank crown this year?
Wait, repeat, repeat.
- Poor loser, Skippy.
- Hey, Heilman.
What are you gonna do, send all the
judges to Florida again this year?
Come Wednesday night, that crown
is gonna be back where it belongs.
At Beta Zeta Theta.
Yeah!
Beta Theta,
no one's greater...
We're the prank kings!
They're funny!
They're funny!
Ha ha!
I had to finish two
term papers last night.
I partied
hearty last night.
You guys going
to the game tonight?
Hi, Erin.
Hi, Skip.
Wait, don't eat that.
Why not?
'Cause it's wax.
They're all wax.
Gee, Skip, you're
quite the yanker.
Bet you spent all night
rigging that one.
Look, Erin,
about last night--
I'm sure you think I'm an
insensitive, selfish clod--
- Not to mention psychic.
- But I didn't stand you up.
I just sort of forgot.
Oh, well, since you
put it that way.
Come on, you know
it's prank week.
You know how much Beta Zeta
Theta wants the crown back.
And you knew we had
a date last night, Skip.
- Where are your priorities?
- You're my priority, Erin.
Come on. How about letting
a charming, attractive guy
walk you to class?
- Fine.
- Erin.
Jeremy.
You know Skip, right?
Sure. How's tricks,
Skippy?
Strike two.
Yoo-hoo!
This is an institution
of learning.
And those of you
that forget that
will soon have plenty of time on
your hands to think about it.
All right.
The myth of Pandora.
I trust that you've all acquainted
yourself with Pandora's Box?
What's funny?
Pandora. Beautiful.
Charming. Cunning.
Curious creature.
Mr. Nesley, Miss Palm.
Am I boring you?
Oh, uh, yes, sir.
"Ghoulish Tales."
Is that comic more interesting
to you than my class?
Uh, well, um,
yes, sir.
Oh, no!
Uh-oh.
"Ghoulish Tales.
Chapter One.
Wraiths of spirit,
grotesque in form,
rudely summoned
to be born.
Wake to this,
the mage's call.
Anubis dio capubal.
Traverse gateway,
come in haste.
Through porcelain place
of earthly waste."
This is rubbish!
Whoa!
Enough of
this foolishness.
Now...
I'd like you all to
get out paper and pencil
and get ready
for a pop quiz.
Laugh if you must,
but it'll pay you
to remember
that, as Professor of Humanities,
I am also Dean of Students,
and your transcripts,
your graduation,
your future
is in my hands.
And if this
imbecilic prank war
between your
fraternities continues,
the axe will fall!
Skip, we can't find
the pizza we ordered.
Do you have
a large sausage?
No complaints yet.
Hey, Maryann, watch this.
Like my Yamabachi?
It's got a three-beam
laser tracking system,
a linear auto-play function
and a dual-digit audio tape--
You pud.
Whoo-ee.
Wes is getting
a lickin'.
Oh, man, girl oughta
work in a post office.
Yeah, look at her
check out his package.
Wesley.
Yeah.
"Ghoulish Tales."
Like my Yamabachi?
It's got a three-beam
laser tracking system,
a linear auto-play function
and a dual digit audio tape.
You pud.
Oh, Veronica.
That-- that was so--
- So--
- Shh.
Wesley, don't ruin it
by being reflective.
Let's go to Skip's room
with the equipment, huh?
No, not the equipment.
- So, any sign of Erin?
- Nah, but she'll show.
Once she realizes that Jeremy and
the Gammas are all the same guy--
same clothes, the same
brain, small one.
Hey, somebody
get the door.
That must be Erin now.
- Hi there, sexy.
- Sexy?
Officer Barcus.
What a surprise.
Hey, hey, hey. Are you
coming on to me, Carter?
Well, I do love
a man in maidenform.
Still wearing
those ladies' undies?
Yeah. Hey, wait a minute.
Who told you about that?
Those are doctor's orders.
I got sensitive skin.
Okay, okay. Don't get
your panties in a bunch.
Wow.
Would you look
at Miss Bonnie.
Yeah. Lookin' pretty
good, isn't she?
- Yeah.
- Got a new siren, new paint.
14 coats of
nitro-cellulose lacquer.
- Honeymoon Beige.
- Mmm. Solid.
- Yeah.
- So, tell me, officer.
What brings you to
Beta Zeta Theta house?
I can't remember.
Oh, I'm here to give you
fair warning, Carter.
Dean of students Ragnar,
he's assigned me
to double duty to keep
an eye on you pranksters.
So, if you or any of
your frat rat friends
were to try anything this
week, and I mean anything,
you're gonna have to deal
with me and with Bonnie.
Hey, no problem.
Nobody messes with
24 volts of pure DC power.
Jesus! Bonnie!
Well, not nobody.
Just Sally, the
self-cleaning sex doll.
Yank away!
My God.
Faster, Wes.
Faster! Faster!
Keep pumping, Wes.
Keep pumping!
Faster!
Okay, okay, okay.
No. No.
- Yes!
- No!
- Yes. Yes!
- No.
Stop!
- Pixel.
- Hey.
Where you guys been?
You don't want to know.
Help! Get this off!
Now some girls will
do anything for a buck.
Hey, are you okay in there?
Not you, pal.
I meant the girl inside.
Get off her head.
Come on.
Hey, Ronnie,
look at this.
- Skip.
- Uh, Erin.
Well, nobody told me
this was a stag party.
Uh...
- No!
- Don't move.
She was stuck. I was
just trying to help.
She had a little
too much "elk-ohol."
Look, Erin, I'm sorry.
God, you look great.
Thanks for coming.
- Here.
- My letter jacket?
Look, I'm sorry,
I just--
I can't see a future with
a guy whose sole goal in life
is to be crowned
Prince of Pranks.
What, so you're
serious about this?
Look, I gotta go.
- Erin, wait.
- Skip, just be careful, okay?
Don't throw away
four years of college.
Erin, let's move it.
Goodbye, Skip.
Buenos noches, Skippy.
Night, Jeremy!
Oh, and, Erin,
don't wait up.
See? I told you
she'd show up.
"Argo pesel vitae sprite,
through dark fantastic
dance of night.
Lux tenebrae
splenetic birth
conjures the spirit
of dark mirth.
Wraiths of spirit,
grotesque in form,
rudely summoned
to be born.
Wake to this
the mage's call,
Anubis dio capubal!
Water bubbles,
vessel breaks,
the earthly bowel
in turmoil shakes.
Traverse gateway,
come in haste,
through porcelain place
of earthly waste.
Argo pesel,
spirits rear,
I now command you
to appear."
Ah!
What a dump!
Ow, ow!
Ow, this hurts.
Hey! Hold on, I'm coming.
- Oh, gosh. I better start aerobicizing.
- Oh, no. Not him again.
Hold on, I'm coming. I'm up.
I'm almost through.
Here I am. I'm here,
I'm here. Ow.
Why can't I
get union help?
Honey, I'm home.
Turn around,
you moron.
- Hey!
- What an idiot.
Gang way! Hello, world!
How are ya?
Hey, get off the floor.
I'm talkin' to you.
- You're way too slow.
- Oh, God.
I'm back.
No, I got a problem with this.
You're too slow.
- It's starting.
- There's just so much. All day long.
Morning, noon, and night.
Oy vey!
You're an idiot.
Just leave me alone.
It's beginning to
really piss me off.
Boys. Knock it off!
- Ow!
- Ow!
- Let's take a tour around, schmucks.
- Yeah.
Guys, guys!
What are we doing here?
It's prank week.
Let's go yank!
Yank! Yank!
Yank! Yank!
Skip man, I know what would cheer you up.
A good prank.
Maybe. But only if
it's a Gamma yank.
What, tonight? That place is
gonna be tighter than Fort Knox.
Mook, getting past those
Gamma chumps will be easy as--
- Pie. Ice cream.
- Cake.
- Wes!
- Oh, Wesley.
We're leaving you
to yank, okay?
You're the last one here.
Fine. Fine!
Now it's up to you to guard
this house from the Gammas.
- Comprendo?
- And, Wes.
Don't trash my room.
Yank away!
Mmm. Smells like something screwy's
going on, boss. What do you say?
- What do you say?
- Oh, yeah. Come on.
Come on,
move it up here.
Spread out!
Yes. Oh, Wesley.
Oh, Wesley!
Keep it down, you idiots.
Would you get out of the way?
You're on my foot again.
Listen to me, you boobs.
- Whoa.
- Wow.
- Hot cross buns. Yum.
- Yeah.
Varoom!
Last tango in paradise.
- Wow. Ooh!
- It's okay.
Ooh! What a mouthful.
Come on, you guys.
Let's get a closer look.
Okay, come on.
Look at that
rump steak.
Appear before me now,
yargon ghoulie.
Appear before
thy dark master.
- Oh, wait.
- What?
- Come here.
- Whoa, wait.
What? Whoa!
I'm busted.
Thanks, pal.
Great timing.
What'd you do to
the bodacious babe?
You got any
eclairs in here?
Get me outta here.
What a night.
Mother of mercy, what have I done?
Get away from me!
Wow, what happened?
What was that?
I didn't hear anything.
No, no, no.
No, somebody's out there.
Oh, come on, Wesley.
don't you want me?
Want you?
Of course I want you.
What do you call
the last 20 minutes?
Foreplay.
No, listen, I--
I gotta go, you know,
guard the frat, right?
Okay.
Make it quick, huh?
So, I'll be
right back. Okay?
Hurry up.
It's okay, boy.
We're safe now.
Okay.
Wow. Somebody blew
major chow.
Come to papa.
You ever think to knock?
Holy shit!
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Bad boy.
You forgot to flush.
Get him, Ratty.
Good one!
Ooh, right in
the ballpark.
Two balls, one strike.
Yeah, get him!
Wesley!
Are you in the toilet?
- Let him have it.
- Goodbye, cruel world.
Watch your face.
That happened to me once.
Killed my back.
Threw my tennis game
off completely.
Let's blow
this poop stand.
Oh. Pizza.
Forget the pizza,
let's go for the babes.
- I want the pizza.
- Forget both of you.
Can I eat the lamp?
Shut up!
Ow!
You're an idiot.
Move your tail
out of the way!
Ow, ow!
- Let's go over here.
- Ow, don't hit me.
Shut up, you guys.
Look, this is it.
Check it out.
- Not interesting.
- Where'd everybody go?
Where are we?
What's going on?
So, what's your major?
- Schmuck slapping!
- Ow!
It's party time!
Boys,
Music Appreciation 101.
Easy listening music?
I hate easy listening!
I hate all music!
I hate my mother!
I hate my father!
I hate all kinds of people!
I also hate volkswagens.
Ta-da!
Looks like a par four.
I win, I win!
What are you doin'?
Uh, eating.
Playing through.
- Mine. Mine.
- Pizza.
Mine. Mine. Get away.
- You pig.
- Ow.
- Quit it.
- The galloping gourmets.
Eat it, eat it, eat it.
You really piss me off.
Boys.
- Ow!
- Oh, ow.
Beer run!
I'm gonna open it.
Open says me.
This is it. Go.
Pinch me, guys,
I'm dreaming.
- Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
- I'll just take one.
Wrong one, schmuck.
Oh, God, I gotta go.
And it's bat night
at Gamma.
Check out
Blane, the dickbrain.
Pee-racing some guy
on their own frat lawn.
Hey, hey, come on.
That's Leo.
Midnight.
The pranking hour.
Give me the slingshot, Mook.
Let's test out their
sense of fun, shall we?
Skip, wait. You sure
you want to do this?
This would be majorly
violating yank rules.
Just watch.
Hey, hey, hey!
Oh, come on!
Jesus!
Are you kidding?
Oh, man!
Genius, pure and simple!
- Sorry.
- God.
And now for
my next trick.
- This is great!
- Yeah. Beer!
Bottles of
beer on the wall.
Yum!
Jeez, light a match!
Imported. My favorite.
What a sap.
Here, gimme that.
Here. Try some.
More beer.
Yum, yum.
Tastes great.
Ah!
Less filling.
Yum, yum.
Wha?
- Isn't that--
- Jeremy's scooter.
No...
More.
Oh, my!
My, my.
Nightcap anyone?
Now.
Let's go.
Skip, you're a master.
His bike pulls the cable and
he gets dumped with trash.
I do love prank week.
And the night's so young.
Let's go.
- Prank week?
- Prank week.
Pancake?
Better take care of
that hearing problem.
Nice bike.
- Get to work.
- I'll do it, I'll do it.
Yeah, I'm going, boss.
I'm going.
I'm always doing
the dirty work.
Always me. Always me.
Always me.
All it needs is a little bodywork.
Yeah.
We won't need
a tire anymore.
How 'bout this Fender?
Too shiny, too shiny.
- Hey, look, boss, I'm making a bike.
- Good, over there.
Waitress,
check, please.
Oh, Skipper!
Be it ever so homely.
There's no place
like home.
Gee. Who called
the maid?
I don't remember
having this much fun.
Mr. Yamabachi.
Mr. Yamabachi.
Oh, the humanity.
You know who did this?
I'll bet I know. I'll
bet it was the Gammas.
Yup, it's just like
those creeps.
Blane and Jeremy and--
- Wes.
- Wes!
Oh, Wesley!
Wesley!
Wes!
Wes!
No Wes.
They drank our brews.
All 2,001.
Brothers, a yank
is a yank is a yank.
But, gentlemen,
this is war.
- Damn straight!
- Let's do it!
But first--
Wes is dead.
So, Wes didn't call you
or anything since last night?
Nope.
Just got up
and walked away.
He skipped out on me.
On me.
Can you believe it?
Go figure.
You know, I always
wondered about Wes.
I mean, any guy who keeps
a pile of comic books...
Under his bed
is just not healthy.
You know what I mean?
Yeah. Yeah.
I'm getting it.
Um... oh, listen.
Did you see or hear
anything last night?
Like Gammas causing
major damage to our house?
No.
But Wes said he heard
someone call him.
And when I went downstairs,
place was trashed.
Wesley was gone.
Shit. Shit.
Maybe the Gammas
snatched him.
You know, they nabbed
him last year.
Well, that's it then,
kidnapped.
Damn. They're just
getting so big.
Oh, poo.
Skip, my best bra,
and the clasp broke.
Do you think
you could fix it?
Well, uh...
I can try, sure.
Erin. Hi.
I was just
looking for Wes.
Really? Where were
you looking?
Ronnie, get dressed.
Look, uh, this isn't
what you think.
You'd know that if you
were here this morning.
Oh, really? What are you
trying to say, Skip?
You know, the shit you
pulled last night, Carter,
was strictly
below the belt.
You just read
my mind, Heilman.
Oh? Translate, please.
I suppose you don't know
anything about it, right?
I'm talking about you and your
goosesteppers trashing our house.
You mean like you
trashed my bike?
I didn't exactly
trash your bike.
Huh.
Then you admit it.
- This is getting good.
- Shut up, Veronica.
You know, Skip,
I'm really shocked
'cause I never thought
that you were a vandal.
Well, we've both learned a little
more about each other this morning.
Haven't we?
Erin and Heilman?
I gotta get her back.
Hey, Skipper.
Track down Wes?
Forget Wes. Jeremy was
with Erin all night.
Erin and Jeremy together?
Oh, man, that's grim.
I'm gonna get
her back, Mook.
don't worry,
I'm gonna get her back.
I know you will, man.
But first we gotta get back at the
Gammas for trashing our frat.
You know what?
I'm not so sure they did it.
I mean, who led them? It wasn't
Blane and it wasn't Heilman.
That scumbag.
Did we do that?
I don't remember doing that.
Man, that's major vandalism.
You know, it's funny.
I was just thinking
the same thing.
- Officer Barcus.
- What a surprise.
Prank week.
Prank week.
Pancake?
- Ow!
- Putz!
Let's check
this thing out.
Runs on electricity.
Shocking.
Guys, guys, I'm hip.
I know there's
nothing funnier
than chucking bathroom
tissue up a tree.
- Excuse me.
- You know, tossing T.P. in a tree.
Bombing with
the butt-wipe bouquet.
Oh, I get it.
Barcus,
that's hilarious.
T.P. in a tree.
We gotta remember
that one, Mook. Wow.
Don't push me, boys.
Or I'll get ugly.
I didn't push him.
You push him?
I didn't push him.
In fact, I didn't even touch him.
I looked at him hard.
Appear before me,
Yargon ghoulie.
Appear before
thy dark master.
- Sheep!
- Where are we?
Oh, this guy again.
Who do you think
you are, huh?
- I'm Ragnar.
- Rag-ass?
- Professor Ragnar.
- What a twerp.
You're really starting
to get on our nerves.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, let's get him.
Just as I thought.
Yes, my little friends,
you and the book
are one.
I can destroy you
so easily.
You see, I've been
reading up on you.
He'll roast our
little chestnuts.
Let's get one thing straight.
I am the master.
And you will do
as I say.
Jeez, what a ballbuster.
I see that you've
visited fraternity row.
You little monsters must have
felt right at home there.
Party!
Drink, drink, drink.
Beta Zeta Theta.
Maybe you'd
like to go back there.
- Beer!
- Maybe I will send you back.
Excellent.
And you will bring me
the pranking crown.
- Bogus.
- Enough!
Those are the orders.
I will start a war
to end all frat wars.
I will start a war
to end all frats.
What a foul-smelling
bag of puke.
Begone.
Prank crown, ahoy.
What a coincidence.
Get it.
I know, I know.
Always me. Always me.
Always me.
Work, work, work.
Let's see, a nine-iron
will do, I think.
Par four.
Poker anyone?
Yeah.
Erin's going to study.
See you later, Erin.
- Officer Barcus.
- Miss Erin.
What brings you here?
In a word,
your panties.
Uh, sorry,
they're being used.
No, not your panties singular,
your panties plural.
I'm here to warn you about the
inevitable panty raid tonight.
- Oh, right.
- Look, if you want to foil the frats,
you can lock your windows,
you can close the doors.
Chances are, those guys
are gonna come in anyway.
But if you and the gals
were to give me your panties,
then I could take them home
and keep them real safe,
and I'd give 'em
back to you on Monday.
Or Tuesday. I'd have 'em back
by Friday, I swear to that.
Hey, isn't that your
little car's horn?
It is.
That's Bonnie.
I gotta go.
Ah!
I'll keep an eye out on you.
Probably this one.
Bonnie!
Bonnie, come back!
Boss, boss, your driving's
making him sick.
I think I'm gonna be sick.
I shouldn't have had
those chili fries.
Told ya!
I need to find
a bathroom.
It was the chili fries.
Guys, guys, I'm
really gonna be sick.
I'm wrong, it's here.
Oh, no, sorry.
It's this way.
Oops, my mistake.
Where is that john?
Now I remember.
It's this way.
Oh, gonna be sick.
Something's wrong
with the wheel. Ahh!
Gross me out.
Hey, Jeremy, look
what I found.
Where did you find that?
In some bushes by B.Z.T.
Looks like she has
a couple of holes in her.
I'll say she does. What do you say
we blow her up and try 'em out?
Holy shit!
The crown!
Beta Zeta Theta.
Those scum-sucking pigs.
I think it's time
we nailed Skippy Carter.
You still got your key
to the chem lab?
Yeah.
- Coffee?
- Tea.
- Sugar?
- Honey.
- Sweetie.
- Cute.
- Cuddly.
- Skip.
If you have something
to say, say it.
'Cause I'm done
playing password.
Erin...
I'm sorry about us.
I'm a dope.
We had something good.
We had something special,
and I was just too busy or selfish
or busy being selfish to know it.
So what do you
propose that we do?
Well...
Maybe we could
start over?
- What's gonna be different?
- Me, I swear.
I'm a new man.
Hi. Skip Carter.
Erin Riddle.
You wanna go out?
Um, sure.
- When?
- Anytime.
Oh, I'm sorry. Anytime
is really bad for me.
- Tomorrow at 8:00?
- 8:00 will be fine.
See you then,
Erin Riddle.
Oh! Quentin.
Mercy.
Say, is that a pranking
crown in your lap?
Or you just happy
to see us?
Ah, the pranking crown.
Excellent, my friends.
Now, I'd like you...
- To kill me.
- What?!
Come on, come on, come on.
I'm quite serious.
- This guy's crazy.
- Tear me to shreds.
- What?
- Rip me to pieces.
- Whale on my butt.
- Huh?
Come on now. Oh, I know.
You're spineless scum,
just like those
infernal frat types.
- Ha!
- Come on, you stupid little gits!
You're history,
professor.
Can't hurt me,
even if you'd like to.
Not while I
control the book.
And I control the book.
And I know, even if
you were to attack me,
it would mean
the death of you,
and I would
absorb your flesh
and the power
that goes with it.
Is that right?
I knew there
was a catch.
You're full
of dingleberries.
Oh, you think so,
do you?
Don't do that. Ow!
- Whoa! Hey, that hurt.
- Cut it with the pain.
- Oh, please.
- So, now.
I can't very well get
at the comic, can I?
- That's true.
- So, go on.
- Attack.
- I oughta--
Come on.
Come on. I know you love
to destroy.
So, kill.
Quentin, are you in there?
Quentin.
I found the "Ghoulish
Tales" you requested.
You know, it's a literal
translation of a medieval text.
Oh, these are
ancient spells, Quentin,
in an underground
comic book.
See, they never did get
around to publishing it.
There was
this big fire, and--
Excuse me, Quentin.
You seem
a little distracted.
No. I must ask you
to leave at once.
- Why?
- You can't stay.
Oh, dear, do you
have a cat in here?
Gesundheit.
- Thank you so much.
- You're welcome.
Is she famous?
Yeah.
She was on "Newhart."
Stop screaming, Miss Boggs.
Hold your tongue.
Allow me.
Stretch it, stretch it,
stretch it!
Reel her in.
Cat's got your tongue.
- Let go.
- More tongue than a deli.
Was that amusing?
- Uh-huh.
- Was it fun?
Oh, if you love
destruction so much, go.
Do some good.
Her friends,
the Greeks, await.
Okay, it looks clear,
come on. Come on.
Come on.
Tonight's the night, girls.
Panty raid!
Whoo!
Are we gonna
let those morons
fly our best undies up
the flagpole this year?
Come on, give us your leg.
Come on.
- Give me your leg.
- Okay.
Okay, one, two...
Veronikins, tonight's
the panty raid.
Big wow, Buffykins.
I have a date.
Okay, girls. Get ready.
I'm sure there's a whole herd
of horny men hiding outside!
Night out,
talk tough
Hey, boy,
you want to look
Boy says right now
Come on, baby,
I'll show you how
You're gonna get it
like you never had it
Sometimes you gotta
reach out and grab it
Some like it hot
Some like to dance
And nothing
here to stop
A modern romance
Phone rings
three times...
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Just watching out.
Huh?
He couldn't keep it up.
Some like it hot
Some like to dance
But nothing
hits the spot...
Oh!
Take it off, baby.
Dancing cheek to cheek.
- Yum yum yum.
- Shake it, baby.
Oh, my.
Mmm.
I'm hungry again.
Hubba, hubba.
Eureka.
Whoa, that's illegal
in most states.
Can someone give me a burger
and fries with that shake?
Purple's my favorite color.
It's a bikini bonanza.
Yank away, guys.
Some like it hot
Some like to dance
But nothing hits the spot
- Like a modern romance...
- FISH: They're off!
Oh, God!
- One side, fellas.
- Come on, come on.
Me first.
Charge!
- Come on, girls, get him!
- Everybody out! Come on, let's go!
Panty raid!
Panty raid!
Some like to dance
But nothing
hits the spot
Like a modern romance
Some like it hot
Some like to dance...
Don't take my pants!
Nothing hits the spot
Like a modern romance...
Let go!
Ooh!
Boys, I think we're
gonna have to numb these.
Num-num-num-num-num-num.
Oh, nice berries.
I'm sporting half a chubby.
Oh, nicer derriere.
Wash your mouth out
with soap.
Uh-oh.
Okay, boys, easy.
Hey, who cut the cheese?
Oh. Trust me, guys.
This is gonna work.
Hey, shut up down there.
This is important.
This'll work great.
I seen it in a movie.
You two, cut it out right now.
Shh, keep it down.
Shut up, shut up!
Oh, honey, I'm home.
Ready?
Hi! Wanna suck face?
- Ooh, bikini cut.
- And tan.
Hey, Carter.
- Carter!
- Hey, Officer Barcus.
Whoa, what happened?
Bonnie's a beater.
You want a war, Carter, you deal with me.
Not Bonnie.
Tooth and nail,
mano a mano.
To the death.
Have you got me, mister!
Barcus, what
are you saying?
Bonnie and the scooter--
you wrecked 'em.
I'm a rectum!
Hey, do I go around
making false accusations?
Barcus, I don't have time for this.
I'm late!
I've got my eye
on you, Carter!
Whoa.
Erin. Erin.
Hi, Skip Carter.
We met last night.
don't you remember?
We have a date.
Had a date.
What?
The date I made last night
was with a guy who swore
he gave up yanking.
A guy who claimed that
I was far more important
than some goofy tin crown
with a prop on top.
And you are.
So what are you saying?
Come on, Skip, you knew there
was gonna be a panty raid.
You knew they
were gonna hit us.
I wasn't there.
I was studying all night.
- Come on, Skip.
- I was!
I was studying
for Ragnar's class.
I wanna do good,
get an "A", be his bud.
Well, you know what,
even if you weren't there,
you didn't try
to stop 'em.
And you didn't
bother to warn me,
and now my entire wardrobe
is absolutely,
completely ruined.
Hey!
What happened
at Pi Nu last night?
- Uh, well--
- Did you hit Erin's room?
No.
- Did you hit any rooms?
- No.
- You score any panties?
- No.
No! Just what
the hell happened?
Pi Nu, Pi Nu, Pi Nu!
You'll find them on
the flagpole, boys.
Pi Nu, Pi Nu, Pi Nu!
There was a lot of 'em.
And they had huge
stuffed pillows.
- Feathers.
- They swarmed like locusts.
Evil and power.
You cannot be powerful
without evil.
Isn't that a beautiful
thought, class. Hmm?
Professor?
I think goodness can prevail no
matter how powerful the evil.
You are wrong.
You see...
Power corrupts.
And this college
was foolish enough
to give the Greeks power.
And they in turn
started a prank war,
and those pranks
are evil
and destructive.
In fact, I am only
one prank away
from recommending
to the regents
that certain people
and fraternities
be expelled.
Professor, come on.
That's not fair.
Not all the B.Z.T.s
pull pranks.
Sure, I've pulled
a few in my time,
but those days
are over now.
Come now, Mr. Carter.
You expect me to believe--
Believe it, professor.
I, Skip Carter,
am through pulling yanks,
now and forever.
Shit.
Get out.
- Wait a second--
- Leave!
Take your books.
Don't come back!
Professor, come on. You don't
think that I had any--
You, cretin!
You're insane!
Get out!
Kiss Granger
college goodbye.
This is bullshit. Somebody's
been setting me up all week.
I didn't destroy
your desk.
And I didn't
trash your bike.
I didn't trash
Barcus' cart.
Oh, yeah.
And one more thing.
I didn't raid
your panties.
There's somebody else
in this picture.
Somebody with some answers.
Yeah, like who
kidnapped our buddy Wes?
Right, and who stole
the pranking crown?
We didn't steal
no crown.
Yeah, we
didn't kidnap Wes.
- The hell you didn't!
- The hell you didn't.
See, there's some
weird shit going down here,
and it's not the Gammas
and it's not the B.Z.T.s.
You will leave now
or Officer Barcus will
escort you off the campus.
Oh, I'm going, Ragnar.
But I'm not giving up.
You mark my word.
I'm gonna find the comic
who's behind this,
because nobody-- nobody is
gonna deny me my future.
You got it?
Beta Zeta
- No house greater...
- Stop! I'm warning you!
- United...
- Enough! Stop it!
All right, go! Go!
You're all out!
You're out! Keep going!
All of you, out of here!
Out of here!
Ahem. The ghoulie guru
contemplates
his internal self.
In with the good air
and out with the bad.
Oh! Pootie!
I think we should go now.
36, 24, 36.
Hut, hut, hut!
Guys.
- What were you thinking?
- We did it for you, Skipper.
Guys, really,
I appreciate it.
But come tomorrow, there's
no more Beta Zeta Theta.
And that means whoever
was out to get us has won.
Oh, come on, Skip. You know those
Gamma dorks were framing us.
And since we're on
the verge of expulsion
and immune from any
further punishment,
it's payback time.
Mookey, come on.
Squirt guns?
Oh, come on, man.
It's filled with goofy glue.
Here.
Mookey, did you
or did you not
hear what I said
in Ragnar's class?
Oh, yeah, your "I'm through
with yanking" speech.
- Classic!
- I'll say. What a set-up.
Yeah, as soon as you're done telling
him you're through yanking--
Bam, you waste his desk.
Man, you're the best.
You're the Prince.
And that's why we're
gonna get back our crown.
Mookey, forget the crown.
I didn't do Ragnar's desk.
In fact, I haven't
pulled a yank in days.
We just threw away
four years of college
and the rest of our lives trying
to regain a goddamn tinfoil crown.
Whew, wait a second.
This is all about Erin,
isn't it?
- Chill it, Mook.
- Gentlemen.
Skip Carter,
president of B.Z.T.,
gets booted off
of campus.
His house gets
booted off of campus,
and he won't retaliate
because it won't score him
points with his woman.
- Shut up, Mookey!
- A woman who right now
is over at the enemy camp,
taking a roll in the hay
with Jeremy
"Hitler Youth" Heilman.
- I said shut up, man!
- Cool it!
I used to think that
you were so cool.
Mookey, I'm sorry.
Look--
Me, too.
Mookey!
Look, guys--
What else can
go wrong today?
Kill him!
Kill Skip Carter.
Kill Skip Carter!
Skip Carter.
Kill Skip Carter.
He is a danger.
He is a danger.
Are you mimicking me?
Are you mimicking me?
The ghoulies
have no dicks.
- Ragnar has no dick.
- Silence. Go.
Kill him now!
Clap it, slap it,
and wrap it!
Blane is
a chemical genius.
It was a beautiful thing.
Perfectly executed.
One minute there was
a desk, and a Skip,
and a B.Z.T. house--
and the next minute--
poof!
They're all gone.
You know, Jeremy,
you're twice as ugly
when you're two-faced.
What are you
crying about?
That's the first below-the-waist
stimulation you've had in weeks.
That's not what
you told us, Romeo.
Shut the hell up!
Are you all right?
That Carter turd has still
got a hold on her.
Maybe I can cook up something
new in the lab, you know.
Like a stink bomb for
his room or something.
But make it a big one.
Hey, for you,
Jeremy, anything.
Okay, that's a start.
But it's not good enough.
Tonight, fellas,
Skip Carter is going down!
Dumb-ass.
- Dumb-ass?
- Erin.
What, not out stuffing envelopes
for the Hitler Youth today?
No, that's tomorrow.
Today we're out skinning
bunny rabbits for mittens.
Hmmm.
Hard to catch those
little beggers, isn't it?
Not as hard as it is
to tell you
what an absolute
idiot I've been.
Skip, I'm really sorry.
And I feel awful.
You feel pretty good to me.
- Goofy glue.
- Goofy guy.
Shut up.
Kiss me.
Okay, guys, come on.
Where do we go, boss?
This is where
Skip Carter's supposed to be.
Yeah, let's look for Skip.
- Around this corner.
- And some sandwiches.
- Come on, fat ass. Follow along.
- Shut up.
Ow! Sorry, boss.
Ow, my head.
Always my head.
Ahh, aha.
Aha. Yeah.
You guys stay down there.
Get over to the trash can.
- I want to help, boss.
- Shut up!
- Spread out, you idiots.
- Shut up and spread out.
I bet Jeremy doesn't
have one of these.
No, he doesn't.
You know, nothing happened,
though, that night with him.
I couldn't. I was still
thinking of you.
That dick.
Imagine him accusing me of
kyping the pranking crown.
Forget the crown.
What about Ragnar's desk?
What about it?
Well, Blane and Jeremy
rigged it.
I overheard them in the hall
outside after class.
Those assholes.
Hey, hey.
Wait a minute.
I gotta tell Ragnar.
That's my ticket
back to school.
Yeah, right.
Like Ragnar is really
gonna believe me.
Yeah, but he'll
believe me.
I'll go with you.
Ooh, here he come.
Shut up, shut up!
- Keep it down.
- Okay, okay.
Shut up!
Skippy.
Skip Carter.
Skip Carter?
Breakfast is served!
Man down!
All right.
What a nice bomb.
Bomb?! Nice bomb!
Yeah. Mm-mm-mm.
Oh, it's a bomb.
A bomb!
Dr. Ragnar?
He's not here.
Maybe you could
leave him a note.
Maybe we could come back later
in broad daylight tomorrow.
Good idea, except tomorrow's too late.
Come on.
Yeah, but, God,
Skip, this place--
Gives you the willies.
Yeah, me, too.
- God.
- Heckle and Jeckle!
I love those guys.
Come on.
Oh, Skip.
Do you smell that?
Yeah, it's either really old
socks or really good brie.
No, that smells
more like the day
my mom found whiskers
dead in the dryer.
- Let's just go.
- No, wait.
Wait a minute.
Oh, my God!
It's Miss Boggs.
Jesus,
the pranking crown!
Oh, she's dead, Skip.
She is dead.
She must have been strangled
with that thing around her head.
- Yeah, with--
- Her tongue!
We've gotta call 911!
He's got a tongue-tied
stiff in his office
and I'm getting expelled?
Well, well.
Look at the love turds.
This is not
the time, Jeremy.
You jerks, there's
been a murder.
Oh, that's
past tense, Erin.
Try future.
Pin him.
Jeremy, stop it!
You're a real hard-ass when you're
around your steroid-fed butt buddies,
- aren't you, Heilman?
- Yes, Skippy, I am.
Do him.
Stop it!
I don't like you
much, Carter.
Erin, get help!
Get help!
Ah!
No, no, let her go.
Let her go.
You don't want
to miss all the fun.
What city, please?
Look, there's been
a murder.
There's been
a murder here.
This is 411.
We don't do murders.
Next time, try 911.
Thank you, have a nice day.
Can't-- Please,
please, please.
911. What is
your emergency?
Look, there's been
a murder on campus.
Your location, please.
It's--
Sorry, operator.
Prank week.
Someone say murder?
You've been
a bad boy, Skippy.
- So destructive.
- Heilman, you dick.
I knew you liked to blow
things, but Ragnar's desk?
Damn clever, wasn't it?
Perfect frame-up.
But having you
and your B.Z.T. zits
booted from school
wasn't enough.
We got bigger plans
for you, Carter.
Plans that are bound
to land your ass
- in jail.
- Great.
Then I can bunk
with your mom.
There's going to be a minor explosion
tonight in the administration building.
And when Barcus
and the cops show up,
they're going to discover
the just-booted
and still bitter prankster
Skip Carter
lying unconscious with
a handful of T.N.T.
I-- I didn't
see anything.
Hardly a convincing
performance.
Come now, Erin.
Talk to Quentin.
Stop her.
Check me out.
Read any
good books lately?
Ah. Uh-uh-uh.
It's a library.
Hey, that's Erin.
Pulling the oldest trick
in the book.
Jeez, everybody's
a yanker these days.
It's no joke, she's
in trouble, you dick.
Calm down.
Bitch ain't worth it.
What?
Can we start
the torture now, boss?
Huh, can we? Huh, huh, huh?
Can we, huh?
Oh, I want to
torture her bad.
Torture, torture,
torture.
don't you fancy
my ghoulish friends?
They've been very helpful to me
in my war against the frats.
I can call them off
very easily.
All you need to do
is tell me
who else knows
about the murder?
Spill the beans, baby.
She's a screamer.
Erin, you know,
we could be friends.
Good friends,
if you just cooperate.
You're out of your mind!
Huh?
But if you don't--
Oh, yeah,
give it to her.
You'll get my stamp
of approval.
Here and here and here.
Good work.
Holy shit!
Skip!
No! Oh, no, my dear.
Skip can't help you.
Skip is quite dead.
My little friends
just took care of him.
What's that?
- Wha?
- What the hell's going on here?
- Carter.
- Carter, Skip Carter.
He's supposed to be dead.
- Ow! Ow!
- Kill Skip Carter.
Get him, boys.
Skip, help me!
No!
Fascinating
creatures, aren't they?
They obey my every command.
My head.
To think, that from
a little comic book,
I could gain
such control.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Your hero can't
save you now.
Skip!
Eat glue, you puds!
Oh, my eyes!
I can't see
a thing, boss!
My ear!
They got it in my ear.
Carter! My creatures!
Stop it! Stop it!
Leave 'em alone!
Leave 'em alone, you pud!
You are finished!
Greeks and pranks.
Skip, help me! Help me!
Shit!
Let go!
Come on, boys.
I'll get your feet.
Come on!
Slowly I turned.
Cheeseball.
You're mine.
- Come on, boys, let's--
- The comic.
Skip, the comic
controls them.
No!
Oh, no, not the comic.
No, not the book.
- Get Ragnar.
- Oh.
- Ragnar?
- Okay.
Ragnar!
You don't know
what you're doing.
I'll consume your powers!
Stop it!
It's coming!
Carter.
Get the hell
out of my house.
You dick.
You tried to deck me.
You dick.
I did deck you.
I'm gonna call
the cops, Jeremy.
Better make it
the paramedics.
I am the power!
You cannot escape.
We'll kill you all.
All of you.
Just like we killed
that punk Wesley,
that slimy hussy
Veronica,
and that sniveling
toady, Blane.
What the hell
is that thing?
That is our
humanities teacher.
- Oh, God.
- Look out.
You cannot escape
the force you created.
Submit to the power
I have become.
Give me the sacred book.
Get back!
The book cannot harm me.
I am the book.
The book is mine.
I am the power!
I am staying in college.
You are gone!
Wes.
I don't believe it.
- Poor Wes.
- And Veronica.
At least
they're together.
Poor Wes.
Carter.
Me and Bonnie met
with a little bomb.
But you probably wouldn't know
anything about that, would you?!
As a matter of fact,
officer, I would.
Monster...
Here's your man.
Here's his dynamite.
Heilman, did you do that
to Bonnie with explosives?
No, no, monster.
Big monster.
You are out of here!
History. Gone.
G-a-w-n.
Little shit.
Bonnie.
Hey, hey, hey!
What's Barcus
doing with Jeremy?
Must be love.
Hey, Skipper.
We did it.
We won the pranking
crown back.
The judges voted and
B.Z.T. won the crown.
Hey, there it is.
Where'd you get it?
Guys, you'd
never believe me.
Mook man.
Skip man.
Mission accomplished.
The crown is ours.
You did it!
Couldn't have done it
without you, pal.
Aw, shucks.
Put it on, chief.
I mean, you are the Prince
of Pranks, right?
Skipper, Skipper, Skipper...
Hey, let's party!
It's gonna be
there tonight
It's a first-class
blowout
One that won't
come again
I haven't seen things
this crazy
Since I don't
know when
Whoa-ooh, whoa-ooh
There's gonna be
a reason to shout...
You're either in
or you're out
There's a party
going on
There's a party going on
There's a party
going on
There's a party going on
There's a party
going on
All night long
Over in the kitchen
There's tons
of barbecue
The line is forming
to the left
There's one that you
gotta go through
dancing's all on
the ground floor
Romance is on the top
It's gonna be the best
you'll ever see
And it's never
gonna stop
Whoa-ooh, whoa-ooh
You're having the best
time you ever had
Whoa-ooh, whoa-ooh
Sometimes you
gotta go mad
There's a party
going on
There's a party going on
There's a party
going on
There's a party going on
There's a party
going on
All night long
Whoa-ooh, whoa-ooh
There's gonna be
a reason to shout
Whoa-ooh, whoa-ooh
You're either in
or you're out
There's a party
going on
There's a party going on
There's a party
going on
There's a party going on
There's a party
going on
All night long
The cops tried
to shut us down
But we bought them all
a drink
Now they're partying
down with us
Bobbing for French fries
in the sink
I danced with a zombie
in a low-cut dress
And I just about
lost control
My head's in the clouds
My hair is a mess
But it's only
rock and roll
Whoa-ooh, whoa-ooh
You said you had to
toe the line
whoa-ooh, whoa-ooh
It's 4:00 A.M.
and I'm feeling fine
There's a party
going on
There's a party going on
There's a party
going on
There's a party going on
There's a party
going on
All night long
There's a party
going on
There's a party going on
There's a party
going on
Party going on
There's a party
going on
There's a party going on
There's a party
going on
Party going on.
Morlock vehar atash.
Atash pesel.
Open now
the porcelain vessel.
Shades of darkness,
creatures dire.
- Ow.
- We're here.
You said the magic words.
Here's Johnny.
Prize time. You win a
trip to the Super Bowl!
- Give it to me. You use this one.
- Close your eyes.
- Why?
- Use your heads.
- The book! No.
- Shades of darkness, creatures dire.
Transform me now
into consuming fire!
Good morning.
This is WGAZ, GAZ.
Rise and shine.
It's day one
of prank week.
Will the Betas regain the
prank crown from the Gammas?
Only time will tell.
Hey!
Oh, shit!
Huh?
Whoa!
Professor, get out
of the way!
Whoa!
Fuck.
Whoa.
Number one.
This is one for
the collection.
Whoa, whoa!
"Lux tenebrae
splenetic birth,
conjures the spirits
of dark mirth.
Hermetic words
of ancient lore,
make ghoulies slumber
deep no more.
Argo pesel
vitae sprite,
through dark fantastic
dance of night.
Wow, what is
this shit?
Hey, Wes, come on!
We're gonna be late.
It's prank week.
Yeah. Okay, okay,
I'm coming.
Can't spend all the
day on the can, amigo.
What'd you do,
fall in?
Brothers, there's just
no comparing a Gamma yank
with a Beta Zeta
Theta yank.
Would a Gamma
have the cunning
to drill and re-pipe every
campus water fountain?
Would a Gamma Psi,
could a Gamma Psi
ever conceive of rigging
an ejector bench?
Skip Carter, you are
a yanking god.
And remember, you have lunch with
the board of regents at noon today.
Oh.
All right, move, move, move.
Professor coming through.
Oh, it's the old man.
Perfect.
Brothers, now here's
a prime example
of a lame yank,
no doubt perpetrated
by those brain-drained
Gamma Psis.
I'll bet they're aiming a
water Cannon at us right now.
- All right, come on now.
- Coming through.
There are classes
being held today, you know.
Professor Ragnar.
Yeah!
Carter.
Don't touch me.
Clap it, slap it,
wrap it.
You won't get away with those
foolish pranks this year.
But that wasn't us.
I catch you
one more time--
You and your silly
frat brothers are out.
- Ha!
- Come.
Gamma, Gamma, Gamma!
Yes, clap it, slap it,
and wrap it.
Too bad, Carter.
Heilman. You think
asshole tactics like that
are gonna win you
the prank crown this year?
Wait, repeat, repeat.
- Poor loser, Skippy.
- Hey, Heilman.
What are you gonna do, send all the
judges to Florida again this year?
Come Wednesday night, that crown
is gonna be back where it belongs.
At Beta Zeta Theta.
Yeah!
Beta Theta,
no one's greater...
We're the prank kings!
They're funny!
They're funny!
Ha ha!
I had to finish two
term papers last night.
I partied
hearty last night.
You guys going
to the game tonight?
Hi, Erin.
Hi, Skip.
Wait, don't eat that.
Why not?
'Cause it's wax.
They're all wax.
Gee, Skip, you're
quite the yanker.
Bet you spent all night
rigging that one.
Look, Erin,
about last night--
I'm sure you think I'm an
insensitive, selfish clod--
- Not to mention psychic.
- But I didn't stand you up.
I just sort of forgot.
Oh, well, since you
put it that way.
Come on, you know
it's prank week.
You know how much Beta Zeta
Theta wants the crown back.
And you knew we had
a date last night, Skip.
- Where are your priorities?
- You're my priority, Erin.
Come on. How about letting
a charming, attractive guy
walk you to class?
- Fine.
- Erin.
Jeremy.
You know Skip, right?
Sure. How's tricks,
Skippy?
Strike two.
Yoo-hoo!
This is an institution
of learning.
And those of you
that forget that
will soon have plenty of time on
your hands to think about it.
All right.
The myth of Pandora.
I trust that you've all acquainted
yourself with Pandora's Box?
What's funny?
Pandora. Beautiful.
Charming. Cunning.
Curious creature.
Mr. Nesley, Miss Palm.
Am I boring you?
Oh, uh, yes, sir.
"Ghoulish Tales."
Is that comic more interesting
to you than my class?
Uh, well, um,
yes, sir.
Oh, no!
Uh-oh.
"Ghoulish Tales.
Chapter One.
Wraiths of spirit,
grotesque in form,
rudely summoned
to be born.
Wake to this,
the mage's call.
Anubis dio capubal.
Traverse gateway,
come in haste.
Through porcelain place
of earthly waste."
This is rubbish!
Whoa!
Enough of
this foolishness.
Now...
I'd like you all to
get out paper and pencil
and get ready
for a pop quiz.
Laugh if you must,
but it'll pay you
to remember
that, as Professor of Humanities,
I am also Dean of Students,
and your transcripts,
your graduation,
your future
is in my hands.
And if this
imbecilic prank war
between your
fraternities continues,
the axe will fall!
Skip, we can't find
the pizza we ordered.
Do you have
a large sausage?
No complaints yet.
Hey, Maryann, watch this.
Like my Yamabachi?
It's got a three-beam
laser tracking system,
a linear auto-play function
and a dual-digit audio tape--
You pud.
Whoo-ee.
Wes is getting
a lickin'.
Oh, man, girl oughta
work in a post office.
Yeah, look at her
check out his package.
Wesley.
Yeah.
"Ghoulish Tales."
Like my Yamabachi?
It's got a three-beam
laser tracking system,
a linear auto-play function
and a dual digit audio tape.
You pud.
Oh, Veronica.
That-- that was so--
- So--
- Shh.
Wesley, don't ruin it
by being reflective.
Let's go to Skip's room
with the equipment, huh?
No, not the equipment.
- So, any sign of Erin?
- Nah, but she'll show.
Once she realizes that Jeremy and
the Gammas are all the same guy--
same clothes, the same
brain, small one.
Hey, somebody
get the door.
That must be Erin now.
- Hi there, sexy.
- Sexy?
Officer Barcus.
What a surprise.
Hey, hey, hey. Are you
coming on to me, Carter?
Well, I do love
a man in maidenform.
Still wearing
those ladies' undies?
Yeah. Hey, wait a minute.
Who told you about that?
Those are doctor's orders.
I got sensitive skin.
Okay, okay. Don't get
your panties in a bunch.
Wow.
Would you look
at Miss Bonnie.
Yeah. Lookin' pretty
good, isn't she?
- Yeah.
- Got a new siren, new paint.
14 coats of
nitro-cellulose lacquer.
- Honeymoon Beige.
- Mmm. Solid.
- Yeah.
- So, tell me, officer.
What brings you to
Beta Zeta Theta house?
I can't remember.
Oh, I'm here to give you
fair warning, Carter.
Dean of students Ragnar,
he's assigned me
to double duty to keep
an eye on you pranksters.
So, if you or any of
your frat rat friends
were to try anything this
week, and I mean anything,
you're gonna have to deal
with me and with Bonnie.
Hey, no problem.
Nobody messes with
24 volts of pure DC power.
Jesus! Bonnie!
Well, not nobody.
Just Sally, the
self-cleaning sex doll.
Yank away!
My God.
Faster, Wes.
Faster! Faster!
Keep pumping, Wes.
Keep pumping!
Faster!
Okay, okay, okay.
No. No.
- Yes!
- No!
- Yes. Yes!
- No.
Stop!
- Pixel.
- Hey.
Where you guys been?
You don't want to know.
Help! Get this off!
Now some girls will
do anything for a buck.
Hey, are you okay in there?
Not you, pal.
I meant the girl inside.
Get off her head.
Come on.
Hey, Ronnie,
look at this.
- Skip.
- Uh, Erin.
Well, nobody told me
this was a stag party.
Uh...
- No!
- Don't move.
She was stuck. I was
just trying to help.
She had a little
too much "elk-ohol."
Look, Erin, I'm sorry.
God, you look great.
Thanks for coming.
- Here.
- My letter jacket?
Look, I'm sorry,
I just--
I can't see a future with
a guy whose sole goal in life
is to be crowned
Prince of Pranks.
What, so you're
serious about this?
Look, I gotta go.
- Erin, wait.
- Skip, just be careful, okay?
Don't throw away
four years of college.
Erin, let's move it.
Goodbye, Skip.
Buenos noches, Skippy.
Night, Jeremy!
Oh, and, Erin,
don't wait up.
See? I told you
she'd show up.
"Argo pesel vitae sprite,
through dark fantastic
dance of night.
Lux tenebrae
splenetic birth
conjures the spirit
of dark mirth.
Wraiths of spirit,
grotesque in form,
rudely summoned
to be born.
Wake to this
the mage's call,
Anubis dio capubal!
Water bubbles,
vessel breaks,
the earthly bowel
in turmoil shakes.
Traverse gateway,
come in haste,
through porcelain place
of earthly waste.
Argo pesel,
spirits rear,
I now command you
to appear."
Ah!
What a dump!
Ow, ow!
Ow, this hurts.
Hey! Hold on, I'm coming.
- Oh, gosh. I better start aerobicizing.
- Oh, no. Not him again.
Hold on, I'm coming. I'm up.
I'm almost through.
Here I am. I'm here,
I'm here. Ow.
Why can't I
get union help?
Honey, I'm home.
Turn around,
you moron.
- Hey!
- What an idiot.
Gang way! Hello, world!
How are ya?
Hey, get off the floor.
I'm talkin' to you.
- You're way too slow.
- Oh, God.
I'm back.
No, I got a problem with this.
You're too slow.
- It's starting.
- There's just so much. All day long.
Morning, noon, and night.
Oy vey!
You're an idiot.
Just leave me alone.
It's beginning to
really piss me off.
Boys. Knock it off!
- Ow!
- Ow!
- Let's take a tour around, schmucks.
- Yeah.
Guys, guys!
What are we doing here?
It's prank week.
Let's go yank!
Yank! Yank!
Yank! Yank!
Skip man, I know what would cheer you up.
A good prank.
Maybe. But only if
it's a Gamma yank.
What, tonight? That place is
gonna be tighter than Fort Knox.
Mook, getting past those
Gamma chumps will be easy as--
- Pie. Ice cream.
- Cake.
- Wes!
- Oh, Wesley.
We're leaving you
to yank, okay?
You're the last one here.
Fine. Fine!
Now it's up to you to guard
this house from the Gammas.
- Comprendo?
- And, Wes.
Don't trash my room.
Yank away!
Mmm. Smells like something screwy's
going on, boss. What do you say?
- What do you say?
- Oh, yeah. Come on.
Come on,
move it up here.
Spread out!
Yes. Oh, Wesley.
Oh, Wesley!
Keep it down, you idiots.
Would you get out of the way?
You're on my foot again.
Listen to me, you boobs.
- Whoa.
- Wow.
- Hot cross buns. Yum.
- Yeah.
Varoom!
Last tango in paradise.
- Wow. Ooh!
- It's okay.
Ooh! What a mouthful.
Come on, you guys.
Let's get a closer look.
Okay, come on.
Look at that
rump steak.
Appear before me now,
yargon ghoulie.
Appear before
thy dark master.
- Oh, wait.
- What?
- Come here.
- Whoa, wait.
What? Whoa!
I'm busted.
Thanks, pal.
Great timing.
What'd you do to
the bodacious babe?
You got any
eclairs in here?
Get me outta here.
What a night.
Mother of mercy, what have I done?
Get away from me!
Wow, what happened?
What was that?
I didn't hear anything.
No, no, no.
No, somebody's out there.
Oh, come on, Wesley.
don't you want me?
Want you?
Of course I want you.
What do you call
the last 20 minutes?
Foreplay.
No, listen, I--
I gotta go, you know,
guard the frat, right?
Okay.
Make it quick, huh?
So, I'll be
right back. Okay?
Hurry up.
It's okay, boy.
We're safe now.
Okay.
Wow. Somebody blew
major chow.
Come to papa.
You ever think to knock?
Holy shit!
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Bad boy.
You forgot to flush.
Get him, Ratty.
Good one!
Ooh, right in
the ballpark.
Two balls, one strike.
Yeah, get him!
Wesley!
Are you in the toilet?
- Let him have it.
- Goodbye, cruel world.
Watch your face.
That happened to me once.
Killed my back.
Threw my tennis game
off completely.
Let's blow
this poop stand.
Oh. Pizza.
Forget the pizza,
let's go for the babes.
- I want the pizza.
- Forget both of you.
Can I eat the lamp?
Shut up!
Ow!
You're an idiot.
Move your tail
out of the way!
Ow, ow!
- Let's go over here.
- Ow, don't hit me.
Shut up, you guys.
Look, this is it.
Check it out.
- Not interesting.
- Where'd everybody go?
Where are we?
What's going on?
So, what's your major?
- Schmuck slapping!
- Ow!
It's party time!
Boys,
Music Appreciation 101.
Easy listening music?
I hate easy listening!
I hate all music!
I hate my mother!
I hate my father!
I hate all kinds of people!
I also hate volkswagens.
Ta-da!
Looks like a par four.
I win, I win!
What are you doin'?
Uh, eating.
Playing through.
- Mine. Mine.
- Pizza.
Mine. Mine. Get away.
- You pig.
- Ow.
- Quit it.
- The galloping gourmets.
Eat it, eat it, eat it.
You really piss me off.
Boys.
- Ow!
- Oh, ow.
Beer run!
I'm gonna open it.
Open says me.
This is it. Go.
Pinch me, guys,
I'm dreaming.
- Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
- I'll just take one.
Wrong one, schmuck.
Oh, God, I gotta go.
And it's bat night
at Gamma.
Check out
Blane, the dickbrain.
Pee-racing some guy
on their own frat lawn.
Hey, hey, come on.
That's Leo.
Midnight.
The pranking hour.
Give me the slingshot, Mook.
Let's test out their
sense of fun, shall we?
Skip, wait. You sure
you want to do this?
This would be majorly
violating yank rules.
Just watch.
Hey, hey, hey!
Oh, come on!
Jesus!
Are you kidding?
Oh, man!
Genius, pure and simple!
- Sorry.
- God.
And now for
my next trick.
- This is great!
- Yeah. Beer!
Bottles of
beer on the wall.
Yum!
Jeez, light a match!
Imported. My favorite.
What a sap.
Here, gimme that.
Here. Try some.
More beer.
Yum, yum.
Tastes great.
Ah!
Less filling.
Yum, yum.
Wha?
- Isn't that--
- Jeremy's scooter.
No...
More.
Oh, my!
My, my.
Nightcap anyone?
Now.
Let's go.
Skip, you're a master.
His bike pulls the cable and
he gets dumped with trash.
I do love prank week.
And the night's so young.
Let's go.
- Prank week?
- Prank week.
Pancake?
Better take care of
that hearing problem.
Nice bike.
- Get to work.
- I'll do it, I'll do it.
Yeah, I'm going, boss.
I'm going.
I'm always doing
the dirty work.
Always me. Always me.
Always me.
All it needs is a little bodywork.
Yeah.
We won't need
a tire anymore.
How 'bout this Fender?
Too shiny, too shiny.
- Hey, look, boss, I'm making a bike.
- Good, over there.
Waitress,
check, please.
Oh, Skipper!
Be it ever so homely.
There's no place
like home.
Gee. Who called
the maid?
I don't remember
having this much fun.
Mr. Yamabachi.
Mr. Yamabachi.
Oh, the humanity.
You know who did this?
I'll bet I know. I'll
bet it was the Gammas.
Yup, it's just like
those creeps.
Blane and Jeremy and--
- Wes.
- Wes!
Oh, Wesley!
Wesley!
Wes!
Wes!
No Wes.
They drank our brews.
All 2,001.
Brothers, a yank
is a yank is a yank.
But, gentlemen,
this is war.
- Damn straight!
- Let's do it!
But first--
Wes is dead.
So, Wes didn't call you
or anything since last night?
Nope.
Just got up
and walked away.
He skipped out on me.
On me.
Can you believe it?
Go figure.
You know, I always
wondered about Wes.
I mean, any guy who keeps
a pile of comic books...
Under his bed
is just not healthy.
You know what I mean?
Yeah. Yeah.
I'm getting it.
Um... oh, listen.
Did you see or hear
anything last night?
Like Gammas causing
major damage to our house?
No.
But Wes said he heard
someone call him.
And when I went downstairs,
place was trashed.
Wesley was gone.
Shit. Shit.
Maybe the Gammas
snatched him.
You know, they nabbed
him last year.
Well, that's it then,
kidnapped.
Damn. They're just
getting so big.
Oh, poo.
Skip, my best bra,
and the clasp broke.
Do you think
you could fix it?
Well, uh...
I can try, sure.
Erin. Hi.
I was just
looking for Wes.
Really? Where were
you looking?
Ronnie, get dressed.
Look, uh, this isn't
what you think.
You'd know that if you
were here this morning.
Oh, really? What are you
trying to say, Skip?
You know, the shit you
pulled last night, Carter,
was strictly
below the belt.
You just read
my mind, Heilman.
Oh? Translate, please.
I suppose you don't know
anything about it, right?
I'm talking about you and your
goosesteppers trashing our house.
You mean like you
trashed my bike?
I didn't exactly
trash your bike.
Huh.
Then you admit it.
- This is getting good.
- Shut up, Veronica.
You know, Skip,
I'm really shocked
'cause I never thought
that you were a vandal.
Well, we've both learned a little
more about each other this morning.
Haven't we?
Erin and Heilman?
I gotta get her back.
Hey, Skipper.
Track down Wes?
Forget Wes. Jeremy was
with Erin all night.
Erin and Jeremy together?
Oh, man, that's grim.
I'm gonna get
her back, Mook.
don't worry,
I'm gonna get her back.
I know you will, man.
But first we gotta get back at the
Gammas for trashing our frat.
You know what?
I'm not so sure they did it.
I mean, who led them? It wasn't
Blane and it wasn't Heilman.
That scumbag.
Did we do that?
I don't remember doing that.
Man, that's major vandalism.
You know, it's funny.
I was just thinking
the same thing.
- Officer Barcus.
- What a surprise.
Prank week.
Prank week.
Pancake?
- Ow!
- Putz!
Let's check
this thing out.
Runs on electricity.
Shocking.
Guys, guys, I'm hip.
I know there's
nothing funnier
than chucking bathroom
tissue up a tree.
- Excuse me.
- You know, tossing T.P. in a tree.
Bombing with
the butt-wipe bouquet.
Oh, I get it.
Barcus,
that's hilarious.
T.P. in a tree.
We gotta remember
that one, Mook. Wow.
Don't push me, boys.
Or I'll get ugly.
I didn't push him.
You push him?
I didn't push him.
In fact, I didn't even touch him.
I looked at him hard.
Appear before me,
Yargon ghoulie.
Appear before
thy dark master.
- Sheep!
- Where are we?
Oh, this guy again.
Who do you think
you are, huh?
- I'm Ragnar.
- Rag-ass?
- Professor Ragnar.
- What a twerp.
You're really starting
to get on our nerves.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, let's get him.
Just as I thought.
Yes, my little friends,
you and the book
are one.
I can destroy you
so easily.
You see, I've been
reading up on you.
He'll roast our
little chestnuts.
Let's get one thing straight.
I am the master.
And you will do
as I say.
Jeez, what a ballbuster.
I see that you've
visited fraternity row.
You little monsters must have
felt right at home there.
Party!
Drink, drink, drink.
Beta Zeta Theta.
Maybe you'd
like to go back there.
- Beer!
- Maybe I will send you back.
Excellent.
And you will bring me
the pranking crown.
- Bogus.
- Enough!
Those are the orders.
I will start a war
to end all frat wars.
I will start a war
to end all frats.
What a foul-smelling
bag of puke.
Begone.
Prank crown, ahoy.
What a coincidence.
Get it.
I know, I know.
Always me. Always me.
Always me.
Work, work, work.
Let's see, a nine-iron
will do, I think.
Par four.
Poker anyone?
Yeah.
Erin's going to study.
See you later, Erin.
- Officer Barcus.
- Miss Erin.
What brings you here?
In a word,
your panties.
Uh, sorry,
they're being used.
No, not your panties singular,
your panties plural.
I'm here to warn you about the
inevitable panty raid tonight.
- Oh, right.
- Look, if you want to foil the frats,
you can lock your windows,
you can close the doors.
Chances are, those guys
are gonna come in anyway.
But if you and the gals
were to give me your panties,
then I could take them home
and keep them real safe,
and I'd give 'em
back to you on Monday.
Or Tuesday. I'd have 'em back
by Friday, I swear to that.
Hey, isn't that your
little car's horn?
It is.
That's Bonnie.
I gotta go.
Ah!
I'll keep an eye out on you.
Probably this one.
Bonnie!
Bonnie, come back!
Boss, boss, your driving's
making him sick.
I think I'm gonna be sick.
I shouldn't have had
those chili fries.
Told ya!
I need to find
a bathroom.
It was the chili fries.
Guys, guys, I'm
really gonna be sick.
I'm wrong, it's here.
Oh, no, sorry.
It's this way.
Oops, my mistake.
Where is that john?
Now I remember.
It's this way.
Oh, gonna be sick.
Something's wrong
with the wheel. Ahh!
Gross me out.
Hey, Jeremy, look
what I found.
Where did you find that?
In some bushes by B.Z.T.
Looks like she has
a couple of holes in her.
I'll say she does. What do you say
we blow her up and try 'em out?
Holy shit!
The crown!
Beta Zeta Theta.
Those scum-sucking pigs.
I think it's time
we nailed Skippy Carter.
You still got your key
to the chem lab?
Yeah.
- Coffee?
- Tea.
- Sugar?
- Honey.
- Sweetie.
- Cute.
- Cuddly.
- Skip.
If you have something
to say, say it.
'Cause I'm done
playing password.
Erin...
I'm sorry about us.
I'm a dope.
We had something good.
We had something special,
and I was just too busy or selfish
or busy being selfish to know it.
So what do you
propose that we do?
Well...
Maybe we could
start over?
- What's gonna be different?
- Me, I swear.
I'm a new man.
Hi. Skip Carter.
Erin Riddle.
You wanna go out?
Um, sure.
- When?
- Anytime.
Oh, I'm sorry. Anytime
is really bad for me.
- Tomorrow at 8:00?
- 8:00 will be fine.
See you then,
Erin Riddle.
Oh! Quentin.
Mercy.
Say, is that a pranking
crown in your lap?
Or you just happy
to see us?
Ah, the pranking crown.
Excellent, my friends.
Now, I'd like you...
- To kill me.
- What?!
Come on, come on, come on.
I'm quite serious.
- This guy's crazy.
- Tear me to shreds.
- What?
- Rip me to pieces.
- Whale on my butt.
- Huh?
Come on now. Oh, I know.
You're spineless scum,
just like those
infernal frat types.
- Ha!
- Come on, you stupid little gits!
You're history,
professor.
Can't hurt me,
even if you'd like to.
Not while I
control the book.
And I control the book.
And I know, even if
you were to attack me,
it would mean
the death of you,
and I would
absorb your flesh
and the power
that goes with it.
Is that right?
I knew there
was a catch.
You're full
of dingleberries.
Oh, you think so,
do you?
Don't do that. Ow!
- Whoa! Hey, that hurt.
- Cut it with the pain.
- Oh, please.
- So, now.
I can't very well get
at the comic, can I?
- That's true.
- So, go on.
- Attack.
- I oughta--
Come on.
Come on. I know you love
to destroy.
So, kill.
Quentin, are you in there?
Quentin.
I found the "Ghoulish
Tales" you requested.
You know, it's a literal
translation of a medieval text.
Oh, these are
ancient spells, Quentin,
in an underground
comic book.
See, they never did get
around to publishing it.
There was
this big fire, and--
Excuse me, Quentin.
You seem
a little distracted.
No. I must ask you
to leave at once.
- Why?
- You can't stay.
Oh, dear, do you
have a cat in here?
Gesundheit.
- Thank you so much.
- You're welcome.
Is she famous?
Yeah.
She was on "Newhart."
Stop screaming, Miss Boggs.
Hold your tongue.
Allow me.
Stretch it, stretch it,
stretch it!
Reel her in.
Cat's got your tongue.
- Let go.
- More tongue than a deli.
Was that amusing?
- Uh-huh.
- Was it fun?
Oh, if you love
destruction so much, go.
Do some good.
Her friends,
the Greeks, await.
Okay, it looks clear,
come on. Come on.
Come on.
Tonight's the night, girls.
Panty raid!
Whoo!
Are we gonna
let those morons
fly our best undies up
the flagpole this year?
Come on, give us your leg.
Come on.
- Give me your leg.
- Okay.
Okay, one, two...
Veronikins, tonight's
the panty raid.
Big wow, Buffykins.
I have a date.
Okay, girls. Get ready.
I'm sure there's a whole herd
of horny men hiding outside!
Night out,
talk tough
Hey, boy,
you want to look
Boy says right now
Come on, baby,
I'll show you how
You're gonna get it
like you never had it
Sometimes you gotta
reach out and grab it
Some like it hot
Some like to dance
And nothing
here to stop
A modern romance
Phone rings
three times...
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Just watching out.
Huh?
He couldn't keep it up.
Some like it hot
Some like to dance
But nothing
hits the spot...
Oh!
Take it off, baby.
Dancing cheek to cheek.
- Yum yum yum.
- Shake it, baby.
Oh, my.
Mmm.
I'm hungry again.
Hubba, hubba.
Eureka.
Whoa, that's illegal
in most states.
Can someone give me a burger
and fries with that shake?
Purple's my favorite color.
It's a bikini bonanza.
Yank away, guys.
Some like it hot
Some like to dance
But nothing hits the spot
- Like a modern romance...
- FISH: They're off!
Oh, God!
- One side, fellas.
- Come on, come on.
Me first.
Charge!
- Come on, girls, get him!
- Everybody out! Come on, let's go!
Panty raid!
Panty raid!
Some like to dance
But nothing
hits the spot
Like a modern romance
Some like it hot
Some like to dance...
Don't take my pants!
Nothing hits the spot
Like a modern romance...
Let go!
Ooh!
Boys, I think we're
gonna have to numb these.
Num-num-num-num-num-num.
Oh, nice berries.
I'm sporting half a chubby.
Oh, nicer derriere.
Wash your mouth out
with soap.
Uh-oh.
Okay, boys, easy.
Hey, who cut the cheese?
Oh. Trust me, guys.
This is gonna work.
Hey, shut up down there.
This is important.
This'll work great.
I seen it in a movie.
You two, cut it out right now.
Shh, keep it down.
Shut up, shut up!
Oh, honey, I'm home.
Ready?
Hi! Wanna suck face?
- Ooh, bikini cut.
- And tan.
Hey, Carter.
- Carter!
- Hey, Officer Barcus.
Whoa, what happened?
Bonnie's a beater.
You want a war, Carter, you deal with me.
Not Bonnie.
Tooth and nail,
mano a mano.
To the death.
Have you got me, mister!
Barcus, what
are you saying?
Bonnie and the scooter--
you wrecked 'em.
I'm a rectum!
Hey, do I go around
making false accusations?
Barcus, I don't have time for this.
I'm late!
I've got my eye
on you, Carter!
Whoa.
Erin. Erin.
Hi, Skip Carter.
We met last night.
don't you remember?
We have a date.
Had a date.
What?
The date I made last night
was with a guy who swore
he gave up yanking.
A guy who claimed that
I was far more important
than some goofy tin crown
with a prop on top.
And you are.
So what are you saying?
Come on, Skip, you knew there
was gonna be a panty raid.
You knew they
were gonna hit us.
I wasn't there.
I was studying all night.
- Come on, Skip.
- I was!
I was studying
for Ragnar's class.
I wanna do good,
get an "A", be his bud.
Well, you know what,
even if you weren't there,
you didn't try
to stop 'em.
And you didn't
bother to warn me,
and now my entire wardrobe
is absolutely,
completely ruined.
Hey!
What happened
at Pi Nu last night?
- Uh, well--
- Did you hit Erin's room?
No.
- Did you hit any rooms?
- No.
- You score any panties?
- No.
No! Just what
the hell happened?
Pi Nu, Pi Nu, Pi Nu!
You'll find them on
the flagpole, boys.
Pi Nu, Pi Nu, Pi Nu!
There was a lot of 'em.
And they had huge
stuffed pillows.
- Feathers.
- They swarmed like locusts.
Evil and power.
You cannot be powerful
without evil.
Isn't that a beautiful
thought, class. Hmm?
Professor?
I think goodness can prevail no
matter how powerful the evil.
You are wrong.
You see...
Power corrupts.
And this college
was foolish enough
to give the Greeks power.
And they in turn
started a prank war,
and those pranks
are evil
and destructive.
In fact, I am only
one prank away
from recommending
to the regents
that certain people
and fraternities
be expelled.
Professor, come on.
That's not fair.
Not all the B.Z.T.s
pull pranks.
Sure, I've pulled
a few in my time,
but those days
are over now.
Come now, Mr. Carter.
You expect me to believe--
Believe it, professor.
I, Skip Carter,
am through pulling yanks,
now and forever.
Shit.
Get out.
- Wait a second--
- Leave!
Take your books.
Don't come back!
Professor, come on. You don't
think that I had any--
You, cretin!
You're insane!
Get out!
Kiss Granger
college goodbye.
This is bullshit. Somebody's
been setting me up all week.
I didn't destroy
your desk.
And I didn't
trash your bike.
I didn't trash
Barcus' cart.
Oh, yeah.
And one more thing.
I didn't raid
your panties.
There's somebody else
in this picture.
Somebody with some answers.
Yeah, like who
kidnapped our buddy Wes?
Right, and who stole
the pranking crown?
We didn't steal
no crown.
Yeah, we
didn't kidnap Wes.
- The hell you didn't!
- The hell you didn't.
See, there's some
weird shit going down here,
and it's not the Gammas
and it's not the B.Z.T.s.
You will leave now
or Officer Barcus will
escort you off the campus.
Oh, I'm going, Ragnar.
But I'm not giving up.
You mark my word.
I'm gonna find the comic
who's behind this,
because nobody-- nobody is
gonna deny me my future.
You got it?
Beta Zeta
- No house greater...
- Stop! I'm warning you!
- United...
- Enough! Stop it!
All right, go! Go!
You're all out!
You're out! Keep going!
All of you, out of here!
Out of here!
Ahem. The ghoulie guru
contemplates
his internal self.
In with the good air
and out with the bad.
Oh! Pootie!
I think we should go now.
36, 24, 36.
Hut, hut, hut!
Guys.
- What were you thinking?
- We did it for you, Skipper.
Guys, really,
I appreciate it.
But come tomorrow, there's
no more Beta Zeta Theta.
And that means whoever
was out to get us has won.
Oh, come on, Skip. You know those
Gamma dorks were framing us.
And since we're on
the verge of expulsion
and immune from any
further punishment,
it's payback time.
Mookey, come on.
Squirt guns?
Oh, come on, man.
It's filled with goofy glue.
Here.
Mookey, did you
or did you not
hear what I said
in Ragnar's class?
Oh, yeah, your "I'm through
with yanking" speech.
- Classic!
- I'll say. What a set-up.
Yeah, as soon as you're done telling
him you're through yanking--
Bam, you waste his desk.
Man, you're the best.
You're the Prince.
And that's why we're
gonna get back our crown.
Mookey, forget the crown.
I didn't do Ragnar's desk.
In fact, I haven't
pulled a yank in days.
We just threw away
four years of college
and the rest of our lives trying
to regain a goddamn tinfoil crown.
Whew, wait a second.
This is all about Erin,
isn't it?
- Chill it, Mook.
- Gentlemen.
Skip Carter,
president of B.Z.T.,
gets booted off
of campus.
His house gets
booted off of campus,
and he won't retaliate
because it won't score him
points with his woman.
- Shut up, Mookey!
- A woman who right now
is over at the enemy camp,
taking a roll in the hay
with Jeremy
"Hitler Youth" Heilman.
- I said shut up, man!
- Cool it!
I used to think that
you were so cool.
Mookey, I'm sorry.
Look--
Me, too.
Mookey!
Look, guys--
What else can
go wrong today?
Kill him!
Kill Skip Carter.
Kill Skip Carter!
Skip Carter.
Kill Skip Carter.
He is a danger.
He is a danger.
Are you mimicking me?
Are you mimicking me?
The ghoulies
have no dicks.
- Ragnar has no dick.
- Silence. Go.
Kill him now!
Clap it, slap it,
and wrap it!
Blane is
a chemical genius.
It was a beautiful thing.
Perfectly executed.
One minute there was
a desk, and a Skip,
and a B.Z.T. house--
and the next minute--
poof!
They're all gone.
You know, Jeremy,
you're twice as ugly
when you're two-faced.
What are you
crying about?
That's the first below-the-waist
stimulation you've had in weeks.
That's not what
you told us, Romeo.
Shut the hell up!
Are you all right?
That Carter turd has still
got a hold on her.
Maybe I can cook up something
new in the lab, you know.
Like a stink bomb for
his room or something.
But make it a big one.
Hey, for you,
Jeremy, anything.
Okay, that's a start.
But it's not good enough.
Tonight, fellas,
Skip Carter is going down!
Dumb-ass.
- Dumb-ass?
- Erin.
What, not out stuffing envelopes
for the Hitler Youth today?
No, that's tomorrow.
Today we're out skinning
bunny rabbits for mittens.
Hmmm.
Hard to catch those
little beggers, isn't it?
Not as hard as it is
to tell you
what an absolute
idiot I've been.
Skip, I'm really sorry.
And I feel awful.
You feel pretty good to me.
- Goofy glue.
- Goofy guy.
Shut up.
Kiss me.
Okay, guys, come on.
Where do we go, boss?
This is where
Skip Carter's supposed to be.
Yeah, let's look for Skip.
- Around this corner.
- And some sandwiches.
- Come on, fat ass. Follow along.
- Shut up.
Ow! Sorry, boss.
Ow, my head.
Always my head.
Ahh, aha.
Aha. Yeah.
You guys stay down there.
Get over to the trash can.
- I want to help, boss.
- Shut up!
- Spread out, you idiots.
- Shut up and spread out.
I bet Jeremy doesn't
have one of these.
No, he doesn't.
You know, nothing happened,
though, that night with him.
I couldn't. I was still
thinking of you.
That dick.
Imagine him accusing me of
kyping the pranking crown.
Forget the crown.
What about Ragnar's desk?
What about it?
Well, Blane and Jeremy
rigged it.
I overheard them in the hall
outside after class.
Those assholes.
Hey, hey.
Wait a minute.
I gotta tell Ragnar.
That's my ticket
back to school.
Yeah, right.
Like Ragnar is really
gonna believe me.
Yeah, but he'll
believe me.
I'll go with you.
Ooh, here he come.
Shut up, shut up!
- Keep it down.
- Okay, okay.
Shut up!
Skippy.
Skip Carter.
Skip Carter?
Breakfast is served!
Man down!
All right.
What a nice bomb.
Bomb?! Nice bomb!
Yeah. Mm-mm-mm.
Oh, it's a bomb.
A bomb!
Dr. Ragnar?
He's not here.
Maybe you could
leave him a note.
Maybe we could come back later
in broad daylight tomorrow.
Good idea, except tomorrow's too late.
Come on.
Yeah, but, God,
Skip, this place--
Gives you the willies.
Yeah, me, too.
- God.
- Heckle and Jeckle!
I love those guys.
Come on.
Oh, Skip.
Do you smell that?
Yeah, it's either really old
socks or really good brie.
No, that smells
more like the day
my mom found whiskers
dead in the dryer.
- Let's just go.
- No, wait.
Wait a minute.
Oh, my God!
It's Miss Boggs.
Jesus,
the pranking crown!
Oh, she's dead, Skip.
She is dead.
She must have been strangled
with that thing around her head.
- Yeah, with--
- Her tongue!
We've gotta call 911!
He's got a tongue-tied
stiff in his office
and I'm getting expelled?
Well, well.
Look at the love turds.
This is not
the time, Jeremy.
You jerks, there's
been a murder.
Oh, that's
past tense, Erin.
Try future.
Pin him.
Jeremy, stop it!
You're a real hard-ass when you're
around your steroid-fed butt buddies,
- aren't you, Heilman?
- Yes, Skippy, I am.
Do him.
Stop it!
I don't like you
much, Carter.
Erin, get help!
Get help!
Ah!
No, no, let her go.
Let her go.
You don't want
to miss all the fun.
What city, please?
Look, there's been
a murder.
There's been
a murder here.
This is 411.
We don't do murders.
Next time, try 911.
Thank you, have a nice day.
Can't-- Please,
please, please.
911. What is
your emergency?
Look, there's been
a murder on campus.
Your location, please.
It's--
Sorry, operator.
Prank week.
Someone say murder?
You've been
a bad boy, Skippy.
- So destructive.
- Heilman, you dick.
I knew you liked to blow
things, but Ragnar's desk?
Damn clever, wasn't it?
Perfect frame-up.
But having you
and your B.Z.T. zits
booted from school
wasn't enough.
We got bigger plans
for you, Carter.
Plans that are bound
to land your ass
- in jail.
- Great.
Then I can bunk
with your mom.
There's going to be a minor explosion
tonight in the administration building.
And when Barcus
and the cops show up,
they're going to discover
the just-booted
and still bitter prankster
Skip Carter
lying unconscious with
a handful of T.N.T.
I-- I didn't
see anything.
Hardly a convincing
performance.
Come now, Erin.
Talk to Quentin.
Stop her.
Check me out.
Read any
good books lately?
Ah. Uh-uh-uh.
It's a library.
Hey, that's Erin.
Pulling the oldest trick
in the book.
Jeez, everybody's
a yanker these days.
It's no joke, she's
in trouble, you dick.
Calm down.
Bitch ain't worth it.
What?
Can we start
the torture now, boss?
Huh, can we? Huh, huh, huh?
Can we, huh?
Oh, I want to
torture her bad.
Torture, torture,
torture.
don't you fancy
my ghoulish friends?
They've been very helpful to me
in my war against the frats.
I can call them off
very easily.
All you need to do
is tell me
who else knows
about the murder?
Spill the beans, baby.
She's a screamer.
Erin, you know,
we could be friends.
Good friends,
if you just cooperate.
You're out of your mind!
Huh?
But if you don't--
Oh, yeah,
give it to her.
You'll get my stamp
of approval.
Here and here and here.
Good work.
Holy shit!
Skip!
No! Oh, no, my dear.
Skip can't help you.
Skip is quite dead.
My little friends
just took care of him.
What's that?
- Wha?
- What the hell's going on here?
- Carter.
- Carter, Skip Carter.
He's supposed to be dead.
- Ow! Ow!
- Kill Skip Carter.
Get him, boys.
Skip, help me!
No!
Fascinating
creatures, aren't they?
They obey my every command.
My head.
To think, that from
a little comic book,
I could gain
such control.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Your hero can't
save you now.
Skip!
Eat glue, you puds!
Oh, my eyes!
I can't see
a thing, boss!
My ear!
They got it in my ear.
Carter! My creatures!
Stop it! Stop it!
Leave 'em alone!
Leave 'em alone, you pud!
You are finished!
Greeks and pranks.
Skip, help me! Help me!
Shit!
Let go!
Come on, boys.
I'll get your feet.
Come on!
Slowly I turned.
Cheeseball.
You're mine.
- Come on, boys, let's--
- The comic.
Skip, the comic
controls them.
No!
Oh, no, not the comic.
No, not the book.
- Get Ragnar.
- Oh.
- Ragnar?
- Okay.
Ragnar!
You don't know
what you're doing.
I'll consume your powers!
Stop it!
It's coming!
Carter.
Get the hell
out of my house.
You dick.
You tried to deck me.
You dick.
I did deck you.
I'm gonna call
the cops, Jeremy.
Better make it
the paramedics.
I am the power!
You cannot escape.
We'll kill you all.
All of you.
Just like we killed
that punk Wesley,
that slimy hussy
Veronica,
and that sniveling
toady, Blane.
What the hell
is that thing?
That is our
humanities teacher.
- Oh, God.
- Look out.
You cannot escape
the force you created.
Submit to the power
I have become.
Give me the sacred book.
Get back!
The book cannot harm me.
I am the book.
The book is mine.
I am the power!
I am staying in college.
You are gone!
Wes.
I don't believe it.
- Poor Wes.
- And Veronica.
At least
they're together.
Poor Wes.
Carter.
Me and Bonnie met
with a little bomb.
But you probably wouldn't know
anything about that, would you?!
As a matter of fact,
officer, I would.
Monster...
Here's your man.
Here's his dynamite.
Heilman, did you do that
to Bonnie with explosives?
No, no, monster.
Big monster.
You are out of here!
History. Gone.
G-a-w-n.
Little shit.
Bonnie.
Hey, hey, hey!
What's Barcus
doing with Jeremy?
Must be love.
Hey, Skipper.
We did it.
We won the pranking
crown back.
The judges voted and
B.Z.T. won the crown.
Hey, there it is.
Where'd you get it?
Guys, you'd
never believe me.
Mook man.
Skip man.
Mission accomplished.
The crown is ours.
You did it!
Couldn't have done it
without you, pal.
Aw, shucks.
Put it on, chief.
I mean, you are the Prince
of Pranks, right?
Skipper, Skipper, Skipper...
Hey, let's party!
It's gonna be
there tonight
It's a first-class
blowout
One that won't
come again
I haven't seen things
this crazy
Since I don't
know when
Whoa-ooh, whoa-ooh
There's gonna be
a reason to shout...
You're either in
or you're out
There's a party
going on
There's a party going on
There's a party
going on
There's a party going on
There's a party
going on
All night long
Over in the kitchen
There's tons
of barbecue
The line is forming
to the left
There's one that you
gotta go through
dancing's all on
the ground floor
Romance is on the top
It's gonna be the best
you'll ever see
And it's never
gonna stop
Whoa-ooh, whoa-ooh
You're having the best
time you ever had
Whoa-ooh, whoa-ooh
Sometimes you
gotta go mad
There's a party
going on
There's a party going on
There's a party
going on
There's a party going on
There's a party
going on
All night long
Whoa-ooh, whoa-ooh
There's gonna be
a reason to shout
Whoa-ooh, whoa-ooh
You're either in
or you're out
There's a party
going on
There's a party going on
There's a party
going on
There's a party going on
There's a party
going on
All night long
The cops tried
to shut us down
But we bought them all
a drink
Now they're partying
down with us
Bobbing for French fries
in the sink
I danced with a zombie
in a low-cut dress
And I just about
lost control
My head's in the clouds
My hair is a mess
But it's only
rock and roll
Whoa-ooh, whoa-ooh
You said you had to
toe the line
whoa-ooh, whoa-ooh
It's 4:00 A.M.
and I'm feeling fine
There's a party
going on
There's a party going on
There's a party
going on
There's a party going on
There's a party
going on
All night long
There's a party
going on
There's a party going on
There's a party
going on
Party going on
There's a party
going on
There's a party going on
There's a party
going on
Party going on.