Gift Horse (1952) Movie Script

1
Ship's company, halt!
Call that a destroyer?
Right turn!
Looks more like
Battersea Power Station.
Keep silent! By the left, face!
Ship's company
present and correct, sir.
Ship's company, stand at ease!
Here, Fanny, take a signal.
To Winston Churchill, free so-called
destroyers in them there islands.
- You've been done, mate.
- No politics on an empty stomach, please.
Got any guff on the skipper, Stripey?
A dugout, so the buffer reckons.
A bit rigid by all accounts.
She'll be nasty with
a bit of sea running.
Yes, all of these rookies
are in for a fine time.
That includes me, Guns, and
I'd rather not be reminded of it.
Seasickness?
Merely a question of relaxation.
Famous last words, Doc?
Ship's company, hup!
Attention on deck.
Stand easy, please.
My name is Fraser.
I shan't keep you long tonight.
But as this is the first time we meet
as a full ship's company,
there are a few points to be made.
This ship is the United States
Navy destroyer Whittier.
She is one of the 50 destroyers
the Americans are lending us,
and we have been
sent here to man her.
Lieutenant Commander Carson
and his officers and men
will do everything they can
in the shortest possible time
to show us the ropes.
We are going to work very hard.
We have a job to do in
the fighting of this war,
and the sooner we are
doing it the better.
There's just one other thing.
This ship, as you may know,
has been laid up and sealed off
for a number of years.
And, quite plainly,
she is no longer young.
However, at this stage
in the proceedings
she is worth her
displacement in gold.
With that in mind,
it may be worth remembering
the useful old saying
"never look a gift horse in the mouth".
Finally, I'm glad
to welcome you here.
- Carry on, First Lieutenant.
- Aye-aye, sir.
Ship's company, hup!
Fall out the officers.
March them aboard, please, Chief.
Yeah, I know.
Fall out the privileged classes,
remain to work yourself to death.
You all heard what
the Captain had to say,
and you all know what it means.
No loafing about, no skylarking,
and no peggings on the upper deck.
Ship's company, left turn!
- Number One.
- Sir!
The next time you report the ship's
company present and correct,
see that they are.
The majority of those men
are improperly dressed.
Aye-aye, sir.
Just like a herd of cattle, we are.
Ah, mate, don't pick on me.
Write to your MP about it.
No use, he's a Tory.
Well, where do we go from here?
- Oh, thanks for the lift.
- Don't mention it. See you later.
Oh, sure.
- Who's the midget?
- I don't know. New boy, I think.
- Came on that last drop this morning.
- Oh.
Cut the cackle and get below.
And you, Daniels, square your cap off.
King's Regulations,
Article Number 174, sub-para 3.
"Caps are to be worn square on the head
so that no hair is viewed."
Now hear this! Now hear this!
All hands lay aft to the fantail.
All British ratings
report to the mess decks.
You know, I envy you, Commander.
It must be fine to have a whole crew
with combat experience.
I've got a hundred men
in the ship's company.
Only four officers and 14 ratings
have been to sea before.
I'd heard you British were scraping
the bottom of the barrel, but...
We are. As a matter of fact,
that's why I'm here.
Aren't you being a little modest,
Commander?
Oh, these, you mean?
Well, they belong to the last war.
Commonly known as
Squeak and Wilfie.
No, I've been on
the beach since '32.
I was dug out, as we say,
when the war started.
Since then, I've been
sailing a stone frigate.
- A stone frigate?
- Mm, shore establishment.
Ordinary Seaman Flanagan, sir.
Chief said I should report to you
for duties as Captain's servant.
Are you trying to be funny?
No, sir. That's what he told me, sir.
Say, you are an American.
No, I come from Ireland.
Oh, I see. And what part of
Ireland are you from, Flanagan?
Chicago?
How long have you been
in the Royal Navy?
Four months, sir. I enlisted in London.
Enlisted, huh?
Well, you certainly ought to feel
at home on an American ship.
- Yes, sir.
- Very well, Flanagan.
I'm glad to have you aboard.
Thank you, sir.
I'm glad to be aboard.
Now sweepers, man your brooms.
Clean sweep down, fore and aft.
You know, in a lot of ways I wouldn't
mind changing places with him.
I must have cursed this old bucket
a hundred times since I took it over.
- And now I...
- I think I know what you mean.
Well, I'll say one thing
for you British, Commander,
you certainly don't waste much time.
We haven't got much time.
- What's our position, pilot?
- I'll get a fix, sir.
Grant, I know where we are
and so should you.
Next time I ask that question,
I want a proper answer.
Aye-aye, sir.
Midships.
Steer 0-8-2.
- Midships, steer 0-8-2, sir.
- Take over, Number One.
- Let me know when you sight the convoy.
- Aye-aye, sir.
I wish he wouldn't make me feel so
conscious of being a Saturday night sailor.
He seems to think I'm not trying.
I guess those wavy stripes
of yours get in his hair.
- Starboard 15!
- Starboard 15, sir.
I'm afraid he doesn't think
much of me as a Number One.
- No.
- If Canada had enough ships to go round,
I'd have a command of my own.
Midships, steer 0-9-6.
- Midships, steer 0-9-6, sir.
- Why don't you turn over now?
He wants me to plot
latest U-boat dispositions.
Oh, I never get a minute's peace.
It's worse than being a school master.
- Is that what you were?
- Among other things.
Journalism, advertising.
Civil Service.
A sort of rolling stone, you know.
Convoy on the starboard bow, sir.
Very good.
Captain, sir.
Yes?
Convoy sighted
on the starboard bow, sir.
Very good, Number One.
I'll come up.
1-3-0 revolutions.
Did you get a star sight
this morning, Grant?
- Yes, sir.
- Good.
I said 1-3-0 revolutions.
Now!
910 revolutions a minute, sir.
That can't be right.
She'll take off at that speed.
She'll only do 400 all out.
Try again. I'll tell you when.
Had better engines than this
driving milk lorries in Tonypandy.
Now!
- Keep well up, visibility's dropping.
- Another gale warning, sir.
- Why have the engines stopped?
- Now what is it?
Cut the steam!
Pressure's gone, sir.
Take over, Morgan.
Stop everything
except the auxiliaries.
- Any report from the engine room?
- Chief's coming up to the bridge, sir.
It's the senior officer, sir.
"Why stopped?"
Very good. Make back...
Another one just coming
through from him now, sir.
Difficult to read his light.
- What's the trouble, Chief?
- Joint burst in main steam pipe, sir.
Can't move the engines
till it's repaired.
Senior officer again, sir.
"If delay is serious, proceed
independently to Londonderry.
Your present position is..." Then I'm
afraid we couldn't read any more, sir.
- Very good, yeoman.
- Number One?
- Sir?
- Secure all movable gear.
Rig extra lifelines.
Check all hatches and scuttles.
- Aye-aye, sir.
- Think you can fix it, Chief?
Oh, we can fix it all right, sir,
but it'll take time.
Come on, my lads! Rise and shine!
Starboard watch, close up.
Come on, out you get. A breath of
fresh air will do you the world of good.
How long before we get
on an even keel, 'swain?
Only four more miles, I reckon.
Come on, come on!
Pork chops and pickles for lunch!
Now, now then.
Mind you don't bring up
that little hard ring in your throat.
You'll never get it down again
if you do. Come on now, boy.
- Starboard watch, on deck.
- The doctor...
I want the doctor.
She goes on much longer
like this, sir,
the ruddy turbines will
tear themselves loose.
- How's it going?
- We've nearly fixed the steam pipe, sir.
Every time she hits a wave
she springs a fresh leak.
There's one in the stern gland now.
Pumps won't get to it.
Put extra hands onto bailing.
Oh, open your eyes!
Oh, now!
Cor blimey! I wish I could be sick
and get a bit of blooming peace!
Well, now perhaps
we can get some peace.
- Number One.
- Sir?
Exercise action stations.
Aye-aye, sir.
Cor blimey!
Dawn action, dusk action,
worse than Beecham's Pills this is!
Now then wait for it, wait for it!
Mail's up!
Have you ever put into
Londonderry before, sir?
Yes, once, in '29.
Oh, I've been here several times.
It's, er... Well, it's not what
you'd call a Matlow's paradise.
I thought the only thing you asked for,
Guns, was a dartboard.
Oh, that's right enough, sir.
Excuse me, sir.
I'm just going up
to inspect the liberty men.
- Oh, Number One?
- Sir?
- I'll take a look round first.
- Aye-aye, sir.
Pass the vinegar, somebody.
Come on, you shore-going Romeos.
It's Saturday, us workers
want to get our heads down.
Oh, shut-up!
- Big head!
- Why don't you shut up?
Here, listen to this.
I've taken in a lodger
to help with the rent.
Well, I've got to go and get
his hot water bottle now,
so I'll leave you. Love, Elsie."
I'm not so sure I like that.
I've never had no hot water bottle
all the 20 year we've been married.
You were never home long enough,
you dirty old man.
For crying out loud!
What's the matter now?
Another strike fizzled out?
No, it's this jersey. I can't get it on!
That's your balaclava, you twerp.
- Have you got a skirt?
- Don't be daft.
It's from my mum.
Our managing director says life must be
very exciting aboard a modern dreadnought.
Dreadnought?
Hey, Stripey!
You know that girl
I told you about?
The one that works in
the milk bar at Plymouth.
Oh, yeah.
She says she will.
Will? Will what?
Marry me, dope.
That's her.
- Blimey, what a chassis.
- Yeah.
You know, she's won
12 beauty contests.
So that's why this big ape
joined the Royal Navy.
What a bloke would do
in order to be near a woman.
And all he goes through for it,
what does it get him?
No hot water bottle.
Gun deck!
Gun deck!
Hear, hear there!
All leave is cancelled!
Hands, stand by to clean ship!
He can't stop us going onshore.
It isn't human.
If he thinks he's gonna get me working
on Saturday afternoon, he's crazy!
I guess the First Lieutenant didn't
think she had enough glamour.
It's not the jimmy,
it's the skipper.
I don't care who it is,
they've got no right to do it.
We ought to be allowed Saturday
afternoons off when in harbour.
Or overtime in lieu thereof.
- Ship clean, Number One?
- You have a ready wit, Sub Lieutenant.
You know, when I was a boy seaman
we had a skipper
who used to inspect the ship
with white gloves on.
Sure, in peacetime.
But this man doesn't only want
the old bucket shipshape.
He expects it to be dry cleaned.
Can you imagine being married to him?
He must drive his wife crazy.
His wife, Number One, was killed
in an accident two years ago.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Well, you weren't to know.
I still don't see the point in running
everyone ragged the first day in harbour.
The point is, Number One,
the Captain was quite right.
The ship wasn't clean.
Except for the engine room.
- All right, carry on please, Chief.
- Aye-aye, sir.
Carry on, leading hands.
Liberty men! Front rank, right turn!
Left wheel, quick march!
Rear rank, right turn!
Left wheel, quick march!
- Number One!
- Sir?
I've told you before,
our liberty men are not smart enough.
They've had
a pretty rough fortnight, sir.
All the more reason to
keep them up to the mark now.
Sir, in my experience,
these sort of men
have done pretty well in action so far,
surely, that's the main thing.
The main thing, Number One,
is that my orders are to be obeyed.
Aye-aye, sir.
Pipe.
- Come in, please.
- Lieutenant Commander Fraser, sir.
All right, thank you.
Fraser?
That'll be the skipper
of the four-funnelled flipper.
Who? Him?
- The one who got lost?
- Yeah.
Careless, very careless.
What an earth happened to you?
I was diverted to go and look for you.
Engine trouble, I'm afraid.
Well, sit down, sit down.
- Thanks.
- Good to see you again.
It's quite a coincidence.
Yes, quite. No, I won't, thanks.
I was delighted to hear
you were back in uniform.
Let's see, how long is it now?
Since my court martial?
- Eight years.
- Eight years.
On the 9th of December.
Makes you realise we're
all getting on, doesn't it?
How is, erm...
How's that boy of yours?
Oh, he's quite a big chap now.
He'll soon be leaving school.
And what have you been
doing all this time?
- I've been building boats.
- Oh?
The fleshpots of civilian life
and all that.
Hmm, it wasn't quite like that, no.
I've got a cousin. He's got
a boatyard on the Isle of Wight.
What about a drink? Gin?
Fine, thanks.
What sort of officers have you?
Oh, first rate.
I have a Canadian Number One
who's very popular with the crew.
What's your ship like?
What do they call them? Four pipers.
Yes, four pipers,
amongst other things.
Well, here's to the future, Hugh.
- Thanks.
- I'm sure we'll get on all right together.
I certainly hope so. Cheers.
Cheers.
- Skol!
- Bung-ho!
Cheers.
Down the hatch.
Action stations!
Gin and lime, please.
Bright smiles, everybody. I say...
- Are you alone by any chance?
- Yes.
You wouldn't care
to join the convoy?
Not particularly.
You fellows have no finesse,
that's your trouble.
And what do you do?
Drop depth charges?
Bet you a quid you can't get her
to have a drink with you.
- I'm not in the mood.
- Two quid?
- I'll make it three.
- Well, let's make it a fiver, shall we?
All right.
Get your money ready, suckers.
It would give me a great deal
of moral satisfaction, ma'am,
if you would have a drink with me.
Thanks all the same, I have one.
No, I mean another.
- I never have more than one gin.
- Oh.
Well, what about a chaser?
I'd love a glass of water.
I don't think they'd swallow that.
I mean, er...
water's so tasteless, isn't it?
- How much did you bet?
- Er, bet?
Pretty obvious, isn't it?
One look at your friends is enough.
- Friends?
- Yes, in the members' stand.
Oh, them. Oh, that's nothing.
They, uh... It's just that they haven't
seen a white woman in months.
My mother told me never
to talk to strange men.
Very right and proper too.
And what did your father tell you?
Being an Admiral,
he's a man of few words.
Look, I know a place where
a fiver would buy champagne,
soft lights, sweet music,
and the biggest steak
this side of Montreal.
Suddenly, I find you
quite irresistible.
Oh, it's the Canadian influence.
No.
The steak.
And McConalog's Electric Saloon
is proud and honoured
to welcome you to its portals.
Now, walls have ears, and I know
I mustn't ask any questions.
But sure, I don't have to.
I've only to look at
the gleams in your eyes
to know that you've been performing
some dangerous mission
on the broad Atlantic Ocean.
Have you?
Well, if you really want to know,
mate, we're survivors.
Survivors? Glory be.
Drinks on the house of McConalog.
Is there any truth in them
terrible rumours about...
cannibalism?
- Cannibalism?
- Yes, on rafts adrift with no victuals?
I wish you hadn't
mentioned that, mate.
Brings back a horrible memory.
Something that happened
to my cousin, Bert.
Dear, oh dear. Drink up.
Have another.
Tell me more.
Nasty smell round here.
Oh, pooh! Like something burning.
"Shall we draw straws?"
And when I see that
Bert's got the short straw,
and he's the one to be ate,
I says to him, "Bert," I says,
"You have to admit
we done it the sporting way."
You don't mean that...
Lasted us all the way
to the Azores.
He was a bit stringy, Bert was,
but he was sustaining.
Lordy be!
Funny thing too, he used to complain
about his liver something awful.
Took pills by the thousand, he did.
And yet three days
after we finished him,
we were still trying to beat
his liver to death with an oar.
Here, what do you
make of her skipper?
- The two and a half ringer?
- Yeah.
Couldn't keep a tram
on a straight course.
She's full of rookies!
- Yeah, not a sailor amongst them.
- Well, hard luck.
As for the so-called ship, she might
as well be broke up. Scrap heap!
From what they tell me,
the same goes for the skipper.
Here!
What'll you have, bud?
Pint of black and tan.
Pint of black and tan!
- Coming up, sir!
- How much is that?
One and fourpence ha'penny, sir.
So, er...
I understand you don't like
our skipper, eh?
That's right.
Break! Break!
Brothers, don't fight
amongst yourselves!
Brute force never got
anybody anywhere! Aagh!
Ah, time, gentlemen, please.
Able Seaman Daniels.
Able Seaman Daniels, sir.
Request for extra pay.
- What for Daniels?
- Several of us helped to bale out water
in the stern gland compartment
on the way across, sir.
What's that got to do with it?
King's Regulations
and Admiralty Instructions,
Volume 1, Article 1635,
sub-para, sir.
"Extra pay at rates laid down
shall be made to all persons
whatever their rating
employed in scraping, repainting,
or other laborious work
in the following confined spaces..."
Keep silence!
The stern gland compartment's
on the next page, sir.
What were you in civil life, Daniels?
Trade union organiser, sir.
I see. You were pretty
good at it, were you?
Well, I hope you'll be equally
successful in the Royal Navy.
Don't forget that there are
certain differences, will you?
Very well. Request granted
in accordance with King's Regulations
and Admiralty Instructions,
Article 1635, sub-para.
Request granted.
About turn! Return to the table!
Salute the Captain!
Now don't you go
forgetting that again.
Left turn!
Stand up straight, man!
Now wait for it. Double march!
Ruddy sea lawyer.
The rest are defaulters, sir,
from Saturday night's fight ashore.
Carry on, please.
Ordinary Seaman Flanagan!
Off caps!
Ordinary Seamen Flanagan, sir,
was guilty of an act
to the prejudice of good order
and naval discipline
in that he did create
a disturbance onshore,
namely by fighting in
McConalog's Electric Saloon,
Londonderry, being apprehended
by the naval patrol at 21:17
on the 28th of September.
What was all this
fighting about, Flanagan?
- Anything to say?
- No, sir.
I will not have the ship
given a bad name.
14 days leave stopped.
14 days!
Able Seaman Wood!
Place lookouts in the crow's nest
and the eyes of the ship, Sub.
Tell them to keep silence on deck.
Report at once if anything's sighted.
- Aye-aye, sir.
- I'll be in the chart house.
- Boatswain's mate.
- Sir?
Pipe all lookouts close up,
keep silence on deck.
Pipe all lookouts closed up,
keep silence on deck.
Have you any idea what we're
supposed to be looking for?
Oh, yes, sir. Two merchant ships,
convoy stragglers.
Thanks. It does help to know.
Hello.
Any pings?
Not a sausage.
I thought I had a whole
ruddy wolf pack just now.
Turned out to be
a shoal of tired fish.
And I didn't bring my tackle.
This is their probable course, sir.
We should be there in about
five minutes, dead on time.
The question is,
are they early or are they late?
- You mean, because of the fog, sir?
- Mm.
Well, if we circle till it clears
we're fairly sure to find them.
- That means risking a collision.
- We could turn onto their course, sir.
If we're ahead of them on the same
course, we'll never see them at all.
- Safer to turn and meet them.
- But we might pass them in this fog.
And they'd carry on
and leave us miles astern.
They're stragglers.
They're bound to be late.
We'll go back along their course
for two hours then turn.
Plot that please, pilot.
Speed eight knots.
Yes, sir.
The mastermind has spoken.
Let's hope he's right.
Bridge, explosion dead astern, sir!
Right!
Shall we turn, sir?
Five miles.
Yes, please.
- Starboard 20!
- Starboard 20, sir.
20 of starboard we are on, sir.
Coffee, sir?
Thank you, Flanagan.
Bridge!
Ship bearing red 4-0, sir!
Right!
- Signal merchant ship, sir.
- Very good, bring her round.
- Port 20!
- Port 20, sir.
- Midships!
- Midships, sir.
Steady! Slow ahead both.
- Ask him who he is.
- Aye, sir.
What... ship... are you?
Netherlands, Von Nada,
bound for Liverpool.
That's one of them, sir.
I have orders...
to escort you...
as far as the north Channel.
Have you seen Bostonian?
Bostonian torpedoed at 02:45.
Position 55.
40 North.
21.50 West.
Regret master and 19 lost.
Eight survivors on board,
three badly injured.
Urgently require doctor, please.
- Number One, standby to slip sea boat.
- Aye-aye, sir.
- Doctor.
- Sir?
Do your best.
- Boatswain's mate!
- Sir?
Away sea boat's crew!
Away sea boat's crew, sir.
How they brought the good news
from Derry to Devonport.
Oh, give it a rest.
Let's face it, it isn't exactly what
you might call a success story.
Oh, you've got to take
the rough with the smooth.
Things like the Bostonian do
are happening every day.
Oh, sure, sure.
What's one merchant ship
and 20 lives between friends?
That isn't a very nice thing to say.
It's not a very nice thing
to have happen either.
We should have turned
onto their course.
Aren't you being rather
wise after the event?
Well, maybe I am, but I still say
the man's impossible.
You're entitled to your own
opinion about that.
Personally, I'm prepared
to give a man like Fraser
- the benefit of the doubt.
- Well, I'm not!
Especially if he's my Captain,
Number One.
- Liberty men ready for inspection, sir.
- All right, Chief.
Well, it's a nice how do you do,
I must say.
First job we get we end up
losing the merchant packet.
- That's the Navy for you.
- Ah, pipe down!
He's right, you know.
I heard them arguing.
If we'd done what the jimmy wanted,
we'd have of saved the Bostonian
and most likely got
the U-boat as well.
Yeah, that box of tricks
of yours was a lot of use.
Get your fenders out!
Here comes the Swiss Navy!
Don't you come near us!
It was my fault.
I made the wrong decision.
I shouldn't have assumed
that stragglers would be late.
If I'd turned the other way,
I could have saved...
But on the basis of the facts
you've stated here, I think...
Well, of course,
in the circumstances
it's quite possible I should have
made the same decision myself.
But...
it's just unfortunate this thing
should have happened now.
And the Admiral's
likely to be sticky one.
Oh, I know it's not your fault,
but we simply cannot afford
to put up blacks like this, you know.
Well, I'll see what I can do.
Thank you.
So I said, "I don't care if you've been
at sea for the last six years.
- You keep your hands to yourself."
- Good for you.
- Er, pardon me.
- Mind you, the language!
The air was bright blue!
Er, pardon me!
Half a jiff.
- Yes, sir, what would you like, sir?
- Some information.
Toasted or plain?
No, I'm looking for Marge.
Oh, you must be Flanagan, the Yank.
That's right.
And you... you, you're Glad, huh?
She wrote me about you.
- That you're the life and soul of the party.
- Oh, go on, I wouldn't say that.
Well, she told you we're
going to get married.
Yes, she, um...
She did mention it. Well, er...
Look, why don't you sit down,
I'll get you a nice cup of tea, eh?
Coffee.
Oh, you Americans, you do
like your coffee, don't you?
- Yeah, if it's all the same with you.
- Oh, it's all the same with me.
It all tastes the same in this joint.
One cafe ol!
Here, what am I going to tell him?
- Well, I don't know.
- One coffee ol coming up.
- Sure is pretty.
- Mmm.
Yeah.
All right, come on, let's have it.
Well, Yank, you'd better
take a deep breath. Um...
She's gone off with someone
in the black market.
Go on, drink your coffee.
Looks like I need
something a little stronger.
- You know the trouble with women?
- Yeah, men.
I'm through with them, I tell you,
absolutely through.
I know just how you feel.
I'm through with men.
And that's the last double-crossing dame
gonna have a chance to take me for a ride.
- What are you doing tonight?
- Tonight?
It's my afternoon off.
Well, what are you waiting for?
Aunt Jones has been knitting
herself into a stupor.
- How is she?
- She's very well.
- And school?
- All right.
I've been doing an evening course
in navigation.
Wouldn't it be wiser to
stick to your own studies?
Well, this war might go on
for a long time yet.
Mightn't it?
Yes, it might.
Well, when it gets round to...
You want to join the Navy, is that it?
Well...
You know, John, you...
you really must get out of that habit of
starting every sentence with "well".
Sorry.
You see, the plain fact
of the matter is,
now you're away I get darn lonely.
You've got your school friends,
haven't you?
They're not the same.
That's why I want to volunteer
for the Navy now.
Now? But you're only 16.
Oh, 17 next April.
I've got it all worked out.
All I have to do is to put up my age
and don't you see?
No.
You now what I feel
about the service.
You mean, it's like a woman.
You could love her and hate her
at the same time.
Hmm, yes.
You wanted to go back
to sea, didn't you?
Yes, I did.
Dad, who was Dave Wilson?
Did your mother tell you about him?
No, but Aunt Joan said
something about him.
Said I was never to mention him to you.
Something about a collision.
What exactly happened?
I was held responsible for a collision
in which we were both involved,
and then I resigned from the service.
Were you responsible?
Let us just say, John,
that Dave Wilson
would have made a brilliant lawyer.
I see.
Well, er...
You've got me doing that thing now.
But it's quite a coincidence as a matter
of fact because Dave Wilson's here.
He's my boss.
He's Captain D of the flotilla.
- Well, I'm blowed.
- Small world, isn't it?
All right, and what about
the other half of this, hmm?
What? Of lemonade?
Why are we tailing Charlie again?
This makes three nights in a row.
Some armchair strategist
in Whitehall had a theory
that a U-boat on the surface
might shadow a convoy
- and signal ahead to its playmates.
- How stupid can they get?
Bridge! Submarine on the port beam, sir!
U-boat, sir, red 1-5-0!
Hard to port!
- Hard to port, sir!
- Target U-boat, red 1-5-0!
- Target U-boat, red 1-5-0!
- Load, load, load!
Load, load, load!
She's diving, sir! They've seen us!
Standby depth charges!
- Has the steam pipe blown?
- No, sir! It's the steam pipe!
It's blown!
What's the matter with the engines?!
- What is it?
- Starboard engine's out of action, sir.
And the port's a bit shaky too.
There's no steam for hunting, sir.
- Depth charges, sir?
- No! We'll blow our own stern off.
And we're a sitting target
if we hang about here!
Better rejoin the convoy!
Aye-aye, sir.
Straight in, fore and aft.
Senior officer reports enemy
aircraft bearing 1-6-0, sir.
- Action stations!
- Aye-aye, sir.
Alarm to starboard. Enemy aircraft.
- Green 8-0.
- Green 8-0.
Enemy aircraft, green 8-0.
Green 2-0.
3-0.
4-0!
Ah, there they are, sir!
- Five of them!
- Senior officer, sir.
"Take independent action
to protect convoy."
Very good.
Hard to starboard.
Pull ahead both.
Hard to starboard.
Pull ahead port, sir.
- Starboard engine's out of action.
- Quite.
Open fire!
Fire! Commence,
commence, commence!
Well done, fellas!
Good old, Yank!
Another Indian bites the dust!
Senior officer, sir.
My bird, I think.
Thank you for your help.
- The lying...
- He's the senior officer, Number One!
This is the Captain speaking.
We've destroyed
our first enemy aircraft.
And as soon as possible,
I'll see that we celebrate the fact.
Thank you.
- Hard of port.
- Hard of port, sir.
- Stop port.
- Stop port, sir.
What a trip! It makes me feel almost
too embarrassed to enter harbour.
Half a loaf's better than none.
- Oh, you mean the aircraft.
- Half ahead, port.
- Yes.
- Half ahead, port, sir.
- Midships!
- Midships, sir.
And always remember,
it might have been worse.
Yes, but not much, sir.
- Propeller's fouled the boom, sir.
- Stop port!
- Who's up?
- Appleby, sir.
From Drummer, sir. "Pardon me,
but your slip is showing."
From Trigger, sir. "Don't look
now, but you're being followed."
And from Blaze, sir.
"Ta-ra-ra boom-de-ay!"
Propellers fouled the boom, sir.
From top to bottom, it's just
one darn thing after another.
The ensign isn't close up.
There's too much water in the bilges!
And now, we have to wait
ten days to get into dry dock!
And all because one
blasted signal was late.
He holds me responsible
for all the female morons
in the local cipher office!
Well, there's no need
to shout about it, man.
No, don't you start.
I've had enough!
I'm putting in for a transfer!
Is that wise?
All right, so he'll write me
a stinker. So what?
He's not the kind of man
to do that.
Come to think of it, you seem
to know an awful lot about him.
Well, I ought to. I served
with him when he was a sub.
The point is,
if you put in for a transfer,
it's going to cause him
a great deal of discredit.
Oh, I don't necessarily mean today.
I'm not going to hit a man when he's down.
But the moment things look up a little.
I'll tell you this...
he won't get another
chance to tick me off.
I'm going to run
this ship like a clock,
even if it has got a busted spring.
Now look, sis, reference 1-0...
Will you leave that a moment
and listen to me?
Reference 1-0-2-9
oblique stroke, you know, 18a.
About divers!
The point is, the divers
arrived on board
hours before the signal said
they were coming aboard!
The result was a blast from my Captain
just in the place where it hurts most.
I'm sorry, but I wasn't
the officer on duty.
Well, I'm annoyed and very
unhappy, and terribly alone.
And what's the Cypher Office
going to do about it?
And when are you going
to have dinner with me?
- Sorry, I'm on duty until eight.
- Fine, I'll pick you up at five past.
Aren't you rather
taking things for granted?
Look, I know a place where
we can have champagne,
soft lights, sweet music and the
biggest steak this side of Montreal.
This is where I came in.
Don't look now, but I think
we're being followed.
Gosh, it's good to see you.
I thought you were in Derry.
- I was.
- But this is terrific!
Let's have dinner tonight.
Oh, I... I'm sorry.
Never mind.
Perhaps in some other life.
Thanks, pal.
- How long you been here?
- Three weeks.
Well, you must have seen us
cavorting about the harbour.
- You should have let me know.
- Why?
What's the matter?
Aren't we friendly?
No.
Ah, now look, Joan, I'm sorry
about what happened in Derry.
But you're behaving like
a third officer in the Wrens.
Have dinner with me tonight. I promise
my intentions are strictly honourable.
That is, unless I'm given a choice.
Shall we say seven o'clock?
We can discuss life
and things like that.
Set 'em up, Ned.
- How are them muscles?
- Fighting fit.
Well, then, don't let them
go to your head.
Top.
- What's the matter with your oppo?
- Who?
Ah, don't take any notice of him.
He's all right.
Oh, I don't know about that.
Been sitting there the last couple
of hours brooding over some letter.
- Girl, I suppose.
- Maybe, maybe.
- Go and ask him.
- Shut up.
I'm serious. He's making
the whole place miserable.
Go on.
Go on.
What's all the noise about?
Why don't you stop being so
pig-headed and wake-up to yourself?
Why don't you mind
your own business?
What's the matter, mate?
My mum.
She's sick.
Serious?
Cancer.
Got a letter from
some ruddy doctor.
Needs an operation and I've
got to give him my permission.
- Why you?
- I'm all she's got.
- Well, when is it?
- Day after tomorrow.
- She done everything for me.
- Well, go and see her.
You can have talk with
the doc at the same time.
- Oh, yeah, sure, sure, sure. How?
- Put in for compassionate.
I'm not asking no favours
from no stinking officers.
It's not a favour, it's a right!
I said I'm not asking no favours from
no one, so shut up about it, will you?
You know, Glad, I've always
been sort of a lonely person.
Sounds silly, I suppose,
but sailors usually are.
Lonely, I mean.
Perhaps it has something
to do with the sea.
But that's why a guy like me needs
someone permanent in his life,
just like a boat needs an anchor.
Oh, don't talk like that, Yank.
- What's this?
- Don't say anymore.
That's a fine way to act
just when I'm going through
the agonies of trying
to propose to you.
You're... you're just sorry for me.
I expect were both a bit
sorry for each other, but...
we mustn't fool ourselves.
I mean, you're you and an American.
And I'm me, and there's a war on.
And any other time, you wouldn't
have looked at me twice.
I... Well, I make you laugh,
keep your mind off the Marges.
I still think you're cute.
I think you're cute too.
I was married in a church.
Over 20 years ago, it was.
Seems more like 30.
Hello, Dripper. Back again, eh?
What's it look like?
I'd like to get my hands
on the bloke
who went to see the skipper,
I'll tell you.
Yeah, some nosy parker couldn't
mind his own business, I suppose.
Everything OK, Dripper?
Yeah, she's fine.
They let me stay till she was
safe out the operation.
First time I've ever
been in a plane.
Well, I suppose you want me to say
I was wrong and how sorry I am?
Now, don't be stupid, mate.
You're a seaman in the Royal Navy.
You've got your rights
the same as the rest of us.
Well, I am sorry, see.
Can't you give us some idea
how long it'll take?
We'll do our best, sir, but unfortunately,
your ship isn't the only one
- that needs a refit.
- No, of course.
Well, thank you very much.
Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye, sir.
Excuse me, sir.
Would you look at these?
Oh, by the way, I saw
Admiral Bartlett yesterday.
He was a little difficult.
- My mishandling of the ship, you mean?
- No, no, no.
It's just that you've had
an accident or two,
and he takes rather
a dim view, I'm afraid.
I see.
Of course, I made it
quite clear that the ship
was long overdue for a refit.
Perhaps he'd like to
come and see for himself.
No, he's had all the defect lists.
It's an awkward situation.
Which brings me to my point.
The building programme's
been stepped up.
There ought to be one or two ships
going in a month or so.
- I should be able to pull some strings.
- Very considerate of you, sir.
But I'd prefer to stay where I am.
Good heavens, you'd get a decent ship
and a chance of a fresh start.
I've already had one fresh start.
Frankly, I think
you're making a mistake.
One has to do what
one thinks is right.
Well, have it your own way.
I've done my best, but if
anything else goes wrong, I...
Well, if you change your mind,
let me know.
- Any letters?
- Yes, sir.
- Thank you.
- Any for me?
No, sir, but there's
a rating to see you.
You want to see me?
I was going to write,
but then I thought I'd better
come see you and explain.
There's no need
to explain anything.
Golly, thank heavens for that.
You look fine.
Well, I haven't got used to all
these tapes and things just yet but...
You know, this calls for a celebration.
Where would you like to go?
- I don't mind.
- Come along then.
- I'll buy you your first tot.
- What of?
Not lemonade.
- Starboard 15.
- Starboard 15, sir.
- Midships!
- Midships, sir.
- Steady!
- Steady, sir.
Any contact?
No echo, sir.
Did the signal say what
the U-boat was up to, sir?
No, but it'll be a mine layer.
To close to the shore
to be anything else.
- Where's that bank now, pilot?
- Clear of the port, sir.
We're in a good ten fathoms.
If they were laying mines, I hope
we can pick them up on the ASDIC.
Too bad if we don't, sir.
Faint ticker, sir, bearing red 5-5.
Stationary or moving?
Moving slowly right to left,
echo fading, sir.
We don't want to go any closer inshore.
Got a fix, pilot?
Yes, sir.
Echo's stronger, sir. Seems to be closing.
Steady on red 4-5, sir.
- Loud speaker, please.
- Loud speaker, sir.
Red 5-0 now, sir.
How far can I hold it to port, pilot?
30 degrees, sir.
That's safe for ten miles.
Bring her round to course 0-6-5,
Number One.
- Port 20.
- Port 20, sir.
Midships, steer 0-6-5.
Nothing to port, coxswain.
Midships, sir.
Steer 0-6-5.
Nothing to port, sir.
What is that?
Echo dead ahead, sir.
900 yards closing, sir.
Anything marked, pilot?
No, sir.
- Bridge, object dead ahead, sir!
- Hard to port! Hard to port!
Hard to starboard!
- Stop boat.
- Stop boat, sir.
- Boatswain's mate!
- Sir?
Coxswain, tell the
engineer officer to report on the bridge.
Tell the engineer officer
to report on the bridge, sir.
Williams!
Bring an inspection light
on the ladder up forward!
- Right!
- Right!
Come in.
Yes, Grant?
That wreck this morning, sir.
I should have had it
marked on the chart.
She was sunk about a week ago
and the position was given
in the notice to mariners
that I got just before we sailed.
- Why hadn't you plotted it?
- I...
I have no excuse at all, sir.
You were on the bridge most
of yesterday, weren't you?
Yes, sir.
And you would have marked the wreck
as soon as you had an opportunity.
Yes, and the charts are up to date
apart from the last batch.
I'm very sorry, sir.
Come in.
Just bring your charts
up to date now, will you?
The wreck...
- The wreck wasn't marked, sir.
- Not marked?
No, sir.
Are you aware of the gravity
of that admission?
Yes, sir.
Before you go any further, sir,
I should like to make it quite clear
that I have the fullest confidence
in Lieutenant Grant.
And I accept full responsibility
for the safety of my ship.
Are we to understand that you accept
the full blame for this accident?
That is correct, sir.
In other words,
Lieutenant Commander Fraser,
you do not wish to plead
ignorance of the wreck's position
as an extenuating circumstance
in the inquiry?
- Definitely not, sir.
- That is all?
Yes, sir.
In that case, there's
nothing more to be said.
Very well, clear the court.
Well, gentlemen, I suppose
we must accept the statement
that Lieutenant Commander Fraser is
fully responsible for hazarding his ship.
Thank you.
Wilson, you've been his
senior officer for some time.
- Thank you.
- What are your views?
Well, sir, his ship's record
since he took her over
hasn't been anything to shout about,
but I think it's only fair to point out
that it's mostly been a case of
bad luck and not bad judgment.
However, I'm afraid he can't
put forward that plea this time.
Spence?
Absolutely no doubt about it, sir,
sheer negligence.
Oh, come, Spence,
don't let's be hasty.
After all, Fraser's
reputation's at stake.
Reputation?
Has he a reputation?
- What do you mean by that?
- Oh, come now, sir.
What about his past record?
Gentlemen, I'm afraid
I'm a little in the dark.
I think Commander Spence
is referring to an incident
that happened some eight years ago.
Good gracious, Spence,
it's no concern of ours
what took place eight years ago.
Nor for that matter if the fellow chose
to eat peas off a knife at Dartmouth.
It's irrelevant and prejudicial
to the matter in hand.
I'm sorry, sir.
In any case, it seems to me that Fraser's
covering up for his navigation officer,
who probably hasn't got
much experience anyway.
A lot of these wartime officers
arrive in ships prematurely
after a very brief training period.
Wilson, I'm afraid
you're confusing the issue.
You're overlooking one vital fact.
And that is that
Lieutenant Commander Fraser
is entirely responsible
for the safety of his ship.
In my opinion, sir,
it's a case for a court martial.
Wilson?
No, sir. In my view, there has been
no negligence on Fraser's part.
That leaves the casting vote to me.
Here, they said,
"What have you got there?"
He said, "It's Miss Shirley's stuff.
None of us look like that!"
Now ladies and gentlemen,
I'd like to give you a toast!
Hear, hear!
To the proud parents.
If it's a boy, then here's to
his first pair of bell bottoms.
And if it's a girl, that she's
as sweet as her mother.
And heaven help poor sailors
on a night like this.
- I second that!
- Is that a party motion?
I beg your pardon. Anyway, I think it
calls for a reply. How about it, Glad?
- Yeah, come on, Glad! Come on!
- Well...
- Well, I'd like...
- You see, she's a bit upset.
We're going to have to be
separated for a while.
No?
Yeah, I've been worried with
all these raids and everything,
so I thought I'd
send her up to Exeter
- until after the child was born.
- Exeter?
- Not a bad spot that.
- No, you'll like that, Glad.
Then Yank can come up and
see you on the weekend sometimes.
Sure I will.
Well, it's just I was trying to say
thank you for a lovely party.
It's been a pleasure, Glad.
Good luck.
- I wonder how the skipper's getting on.
- Yeah.
Think we'll hear anything
about it tonight?
Sure to, if it's bad news.
Nothing travels faster
than bad news.
Well, come on, let's have
another drink while we're waiting.
Hey, Ned, set them up again, mate.
- It's come through!
- Oh?
I don't know how, but he's
got away with it. No negligence.
- I'm glad for his sake.
- Sure, we all are.
- What's the matter now?
- It's over, that's all.
What do you mean?
He'll never keep me aboard now.
I've built up quite a picture
of my versatile career, haven't I?
All the experience I've had
and what a clever fellow I am.
What you don't know is that
I've flopped at every single job
I've ever tried so far.
If there was one thing I wanted
to make a go of, it was this.
Officer of the day, sir?
- Yes.
- Captain's coming aboard now.
- Very well.
- Look, Mike, I'll go.
No, I'm duty boy.
- Evening, Grant.
- Evening, sir.
- Nice night.
- Yes, sir.
You can tauten up your moorings.
Aye-aye, sir.
Hey, skip's off! Skip's off!
Everything's okay! The skipper's got off!
Everything's all right, boys!
- You know what that means?
- Yeah.
We go on acting wet nurse
to that floating atrocity.
She's got more harbour time
than the whole fleet put together.
- Proper HMS Wallflower.
- Hey, Stripey.
If there was any justice,
they'd have beached him.
Yeah, not to mention the crew.
Glad, you go back and
meet me at the milk bar.
Why? What's the matter?
You ain't half going to cop it this time.
Cor, I wouldn't like
to be in your shoes.
Every crime in the book
and a civil action
brought against you by the landlord
of the Golden Bull for good measure.
Defaulters, 'shun!
Defaulters correct, sir.
- Quiet a number of them, sir, I'm afraid.
- So I see.
They'll have to wait till tomorrow,
coxswain. I'm going ashore.
He went ashore at ten this morning.
It's now way after six.
He's probably telling that little so-and-so
Spence what he thinks of him.
Yes, well, that won't take him long.
Maybe he's had an accident.
How have the mighty fallen?
- I should have been on deck, sir.
- Not at all.
Steward, large gins all around!
Put them down to Mr Appleby.
Let me remind you, gentlemen,
that their lordships view,
with growing concern,
the amount of drinking in wardrooms.
Don't approve of it at all.
- Steward!
- Yes, sir.
Ten seconds. Not good enough.
Gentlemen...
I give you a toast.
Peace in our time.
Goodnight to you.
- Goodnight, sir.
- Goodnight, sir.
Goodnight, sir.
Your hat, sir.
Oh, thank you, Number One. Oh.
Thank you.
Goodnight!
"I, Edward John Hardy, publican,
do hereinafter agree to
waive my claim for damages
against any member of the crew
of HMS Ballantrae,
hereinafter known as the 'Gift Horse',
hereinafter to be
referred to as 'the crew'.
They must have been tight
as lords when they wrote this.
"Furthermore, I undertake to welcome
any member of the said crew
to the said pub at any and all times.
Given over my hand
this 17th day of April, 1941.
Edward John Hardy.
Witness, Hugh Algernon Fraser."
Algernon.
Thought you might
like some coffee, sir.
Oh, Flanagan.
Mr Hardy tells me
that you tend to resent
adverse comment on my capabilities
and about the Gift Horse.
- Well, sir, it was just that...
- Never mind!
Never mind, Flanagan!
I don't like it very much either.
I don't like it very much either.
Defaulters, 'shun!
- Carry on with requestment, please.
- There are none this morning, sir.
- No one wanting a draft?
- No, sir.
- All right, Number one, I'll take defaulters.
- All right, coxswain.
Standard at ease!
Able Seaman Daniels.
Off caps!
Able Seaman Daniels, sir.
One, did create a disturbance
on shore namely by fighting
in the Golden Bull and being
apprehended by the naval patrol
- at 21:40 on the 16th of April, 1941.
- All right.
Anything to say?
No, sir.
One day's leave stopped.
One day's leave stopped?
On caps!
About turn!
Uh... return to the table!
Salute the... As you were!
About turn!
Double march!
Port 30, 1-4-0 revolutions.
Port 30, 1-4-0 revolutions, sir.
- Any echo?
- No, sir. Lost contact, sir.
No wreckage, no oil, no nothing.
Just silent sea.
"And we were the first that
ever burst into that silent sea."
What's that?
- "The Ancient Mariner".
- Oh, yeah.
Echo bearing red 3-0, sir.
Very good!
Large hydrophone effect, sir,
sounds like blowing tanks.
Bring all guns on bearing red 1-5.
Aye-aye, sir.
All guns, lookout bearing red 1-5.
Bearing red 1-5, sir.
Bridge! Submarine flying
on the port bow, sir!
All guns, U-boat bearing red 1-0.
Open fire!
All guns, rapid, independent!
Commence! Commence! Commence!
Eight gun won't bear, sir!
Eight gun won't bear, sir!
Clear fore, sharp!
Standby to ram, all engine room.
Standby to ram,
all engine room, sir.
That's put paid to
the Bostonian incident.
- Stop boat.
- Stop boat, sir.
I had a letter from him this morning.
- He's a midshipman now.
- Is he really?
- You must be proud of him.
- I am.
Well, what I wanted
to talk about is this.
Commander Wharton's
being reappointed.
That means there's a brass hat
for somebody.
But... are you interested?
- That's very kind of you, sir.
- You're not interested?
That's a pity.
Because there's a consolation prize.
The Ballantrae is going to be released
from group for special duties.
It's a job for a young man.
- Are you suggesting I'm too old?
- No.
You want to go?
I thought you would.
- What's in the wind?
- Search me.
All I know is you've got to report
to the Admiralty tomorrow.
And you may grant
Christmas leave, by the way.
Right, sir. Then that's
goodbye for the present.
- Good luck.
- Thank you.
In the south, enemy raiders were
turned back before reaching the capital.
There were sporadic raids in the north
with little damage and no casualties.
A West Country town
was also raided,
but damage and casualties
were slight.
Slight? Holy mackerel.
If that was slight, I'd hate to be there
when they really get going.
- They have a go at you?
- Not half.
Up all night, I was, in the truck.
Terrible mess.
Breaks your heart to see it.
Hey, Yank! Where you going?
Do you think we ought
to try and stop him?
Ever tried stopping a steam roller?
I've seen blokes go adrift before.
Now, you got seven days leave
expiring at midnight, December 27th.
Opposite watch goes on leave
at 09:00, December 28th.
So don't let me catch
any of you going adrift.
Left turn!
Right wheel, quick march!
Christmas at home, eh?
You lucky people.
Sooner have
New Year's Eve any time.
Yank, might be going as well
if only he'd waited.
Probably saved himself
three months in the rattle.
The big twerp.
How on earth are they
knocking down two of our funnels?
Whatever the job is, they probably
figure we'll be safer under sail.
You're not looking
awfully well, old boy.
Hung over?
All the way over.
I thought, perhaps, their might be some
trouble between you and June, old boy.
No trouble, old boy!
- She's just turned me down, that's all.
- Oh, silly girl, I thought.
Plenty more like her in any case.
Oh, very funny! Very funny!
We don't only have hammering,
we play little games at breakfast time!
Darling, you don't
look awfully well.
I've already had that conversation.
We are in a bad mood
this morning, aren't we?
Why did you walk out
on me last night?
I couldn't stand it any more.
I've been played like a trout
for 14 months.
Well, you couldn't look more
like one at this moment.
Anything else?
Only this.
I don't think it's very nice
to propose to a girl
with an engagement ring in one hand
and a double gin in the other.
You were livid last night
because I didn't throw myself
in your arms and say,
"Darling, I can't wait to marry you."
The point is, I can wait.
I can wait until you stop
taking me for granted.
So when you come round to it, just send
an uncoded signal in plain language,
and I'll take it up
with the Admiral.
Darling, in spite
of an all-time hangover,
I think you're wonderful.
Just call me "Alka-Seltzer".
I'm sorry to interrupt
this idyllic moment,
but the Captain's
just coming on board.
This is Christmas,
not April Fool's Day.
So help me, he may be on leave,
but he's also on the gangway
at this moment.
Where's my cap?
Hooked him?
You said it, brother.
- When's the wedding?
- Next week, sir.
Sudden death, huh?
Utility job, registry office, you know.
Oh, by the way, sir,
some Christmas cards
- and telegrams came for you.
- Oh, splendid.
You'll take Christmas rounds
yourself, sir, won't you?
- I'd very much like to, Number One.
- Thank you.
Well, now.
Well, what about another drink?
Darling, I shall be tiddly.
Oh, this time of night
if you can't get tiddly...
- Oh, it's my round, is it? Steward.
- Coming, sir.
- Your round, is it?
- What will you have?
- Oh...
- On you?
- Yes, I'm afraid so.
- Let's make it champagne, shall we?
Four ciders, please.
No, it's all right. Same again.
I'll buy you a magnum of champagne
for your wedding...
Ready for Captain's rounds, sir.
Thank you.
- Ready for Captain's round, sir.
- What's that?
What's that?
The ship's company are ready
for Captain's round, sir.
Have a drink first.
Oh, thank you, sir.
Well, Happy Christmas, sir.
- Happy Christmas.
- Happy Christmas.
The men would appreciate it, sir, if you'd
bring the lady down to the mess deck.
Certainly, Chief, certainly.
We couldn't get better
than this at home!
- Very kind of her.
- I'm sure we all thank you very much, Miss.
- Yes!
- Hear, hear!
Here you are, Miss.
Got a kick like a kangaroo.
Thanks.
Thank you.
A beer, sir?
Thank you, Daniels.
Thank you.
- Thank you very much.
- Not all, sir.
All right, get cracking.
Oh, not me, Stripey.
I'm no good at this sort of thing.
Oh, just imagine you're on a soap box.
Now get on with it.
Well, erm...
Well, ladies and gentlemen...
Oh... mean, lady and gentlemen.
Well, here's to our ship,
the old Gift Horse,
and... and to our skipper.
Good luck, sir.
- Good luck, sir.
- Skipper!
- Hear, hear!
- All the best, sir.
A very Happy Christmas, sir.
Come on, son.
The skipper won't eat you.
Hey, Drip.
Ta.
Put your hat straight.
This is Ordinary Seaman Douglas,
Adams' elite.
- So you're the youngest in the ship?
- Yes, sir.
- How old are you, Duncan?
- 17, sir.
- I'd like to wish you the best of luck.
- Thank you, sir.
- Won't you say a few words, sir?
- Yes, go on, sir.
Well, I'd like to give you another toast.
To all those who can't be with us today.
Our wives...
our parents...
our... absent friends,
wherever they may be.
God bless them.
God bless them!
Merry Christmas, sir.
Blimey, she's had her face-lift.
The old bag's lost
two of her chins.
Six Oerlikons!
Aye-aye. Tropical kit going aboard.
What's going on?
- Blimey, what's that mean, Pacific?
- North Pole, more likely.
Stripey, look who's here.
Blimey, Yank!
And although you were told you
could not be granted special leave,
you chose to take it.
A man who breaks leave
not only lets down his ship,
he lets down his family.
They're the ones who suffer
when his pay is stopped.
And your wife will need
the money badly at this time.
Has the child been born?
Yes, sir.
But they were both
killed in the bombing.
All right, Number One.
Put your cap on, Flanagan.
Carry on.
We've been given
another little job to do.
It'll be more interesting
than some we've had
and certainly more exciting.
For that reason, every man
who goes will be a volunteer.
And I mean that in the literal sense.
Not that used by petty officers
when picking working parties.
Well, that's all.
Carry on, Number One.
Aye-aye, sir.
Ship's company, hup!
Carry on, please, Chief.
Aye-aye, sir!
Right, you all heard the Captain's
little joke about petty officers.
No harm in laughing.
Anyone who don't want to volunteer,
come and see me.
All right, make aboard!
Carry on with your work!
I don't think there'll
be any non-starters, sir.
Good.
Oh, by the way, your
command's come through.
A Canadian corvette, I think.
- Thanks for recommending me, sir.
- Your relief's arrived at Devonport barracks.
- He should take over today.
- Yeah.
He's going to be... disappointed.
I'm sure he is.
Prepare ship for sea
by 04:00 tomorrow.
Aye-aye, sir.
- Top secret, of course.
- Yes, sir.
Time of origin 14:25...
stroke 12.
- And, June, don't worry too much.
- Very good, sir.
Bye.
Here it is.
One copy to go to
Lieutenant Commander Fraser.
Operation Boadicea.
Times like these I'm inclined to agree
that a woman's place is in the home.
Lieutenant Jennings
to see you, ma'am.
Thank you.
Ask him to come in, please.
Hi, beautiful!
For a man who has been
married only two months...
I know.
Gosh, you look wonderful.
You're not supposed to barge
in here when I'm on duty.
Oh, have a heart.
I can't go all day
without seeing you.
It's asking too much.
I don't know what I ever did
to deserve you.
I mean it.
Glad you married me?
Even though we're going away?
No harm in saying we are going.
You Cypher Office people
know everything,
probably more than we do.
- Do you, by the way?
- No. No, I don't.
I have nothing to do with
movements at the moment.
That's all right then.
I wouldn't like to think you were sending
me to my doom without a protest.
The skipper hasn't said anything,
but we all think it's the Far East.
The Far East?
- I see.
- I can't say anymore.
You know, this darn
security business.
I know.
- You'll be all right, won't you?
- Of course I will.
I, er...
I think...
we're sailing first thing tomorrow.
Just in case you'd like
to be there to wish us luck.
I'll be there, darling.
I wish you all the luck
there is always.
Well, don't look so
miserable about it.
I shan't be away very long.
Fraser told me this morning that
my command has come through.
A corvette. Just what I wanted.
Well, it's bound to bring me home
in a month or so.
Well, what's the matter?
Aren't you pleased?
Darling, I'm so pleased...
and so proud.
I'll see you later.
Company, halt!
Commandos reporting
from embarkation, sir.
Very good, Major. Make
yourselves comfortable, if you can.
Make a line. Onboard ship.
Come on, hurry up at the front.
Six more ML's taking
station to port, sir.
Good.
- That's the lot, isn't it?
- Yes, sir. Striking force now complete.
18 in all.
Lower deck cleared of
all available hands, sir.
- Right. Take over, pilot.
- Aye-aye, sir.
Ship's company, 'shun!
Stand easy, please.
First of all, you can
forget about the buzzes.
We're going to raid the enemy.
Our objective is to destroy the gate
of the only dock on
the Atlantic coast of France
that is large enough to house
a German battleship.
The commandos -
there are more of them in the ML's -
will deal with the port installations
and hit the enemy
as hard as they know how.
Here's a rough map of the port.
We shall be leading upriver,
ML's following.
There are two sandbanks,
here and here,
which the planners tell us
we should clear by about 18 inches.
We shall meet some opposition.
But whatever happens,
our job is to ram that gate.
In the bow compartments,
there are five tons of high explosive,
which will be timed to go off
two hours after we hit.
So I'm afraid there won't be
much left of the old Gift Horse.
Any questions?
What happened to our
other two smokestacks, sir?
The idea is to make us
look like a German gunboat
and fool the enemy
into holding his fire.
Any more?
How do we get out, sir?
We withdraw with
the commandos in the ML's.
Now, I know how sad
you must be feeling
at the thought of losing
the old Gift Horse.
We've been together
for a long time now,
and we shall have much to remember.
No doubt, people will say that
she has been chosen
for this operation
because she's old and expendable,
or perhaps because we've had
some experience at ramming.
But I hope you'll believe, as I do,
that it is an honour.
That's all, Number One. Carry on.
That's all. Fall out.
When do you want gun crews
closed up, sir?
Not till we reach the halfway mark.
I want all hands to conserve
their energy as much as possible.
- They'll need it.
- Aye-aye.
Clean underwear.
Do they think we'll need it?
It's in case of infection
if you're wounded.
What a comfort you are
to have around.
I suppose you've been on
this sort of party before?
Only once, old boy. Filthy business.
I'd sooner be a vet.
And all groups will
rendezvous at this point here.
And finally,
the password is "ramrod".
Ramrod. Now don't forget it.
Would you forward these
to my Jimmy?
Yes, Chief.
- What's the joke?
- What, sir? Oh!
Oh, it just... it just hit me.
I've never been what you'd
call a sentimentalist, but...
it occurred to me that if we ever do
manage to scramble aboard the ML's
and get back to Blighty,
things won't be quite
the same again, you know?
I know.
Close up to operational
action stations, Number One.
Aye-aye, sir.
Men on the swastika
ready for hoisting, yeoman.
Aye-aye, sir.
- Number one.
- Sir?
Tell all guns crews that even
if the bridge is wiped out,
on no account are they to open fire
so long as the swastika's flying.
Aye-aye, sir.
We alter course for the run-in
30 seconds from... now, Sir.
All gun crews.
All gun crews, you will not,
I say again, not open fire
so long as the swastika is flying.
- Too much moon.
- Dead romantic, sir.
Coxswain, steer 1-1-4.
Steer 1-1-4, sir.
- Yeoman.
- Sir?
- Up swastika.
- Aye-aye, sir.
You could get your men up now, Major.
Ask them to keep quiet on deck,
will you?
Very good, sir.
Funny to think there's a Jerry
working that lighthouse.
I haven't picked up
the other light yet, sir.
If we keep the lighthouse on our
starboard bow, we can't be far out.
No, we should be at
the entrance by now, sir.
They didn't spot us.
Were you able to check
our position, pilot?
Yes, sir.
We're in the estuary now.
- How's our depth?
- All right so far, sir.
Another minute and we should have
passed the heavy batteries.
Stop boat!
Stop boat, sir.
She's clear.
- Full ahead both.
- Full ahead both, sir.
There's still the other
sandbank to cross.
- How far is it, pilot?
- Within 30 seconds, sir.
- Keep going full ahead.
- Keep going full ahead, sir.
We're being challenged, sir.
Make the German signal
"Two ships damaged by enemy action.
- Request permission to enter harbour."
- Aye-aye, sir.
Duncan, make the German signal
"You're firing on friendly ships."
Aye-aye, sir.
We're a sitting target
on this damn sandbank!
They're pretty poor shots so far.
Signal acknowledged by enemy, sir.
She's off, sir.
Full ahead both.
- Full ahead both.
- Enemies ceased firing, sir.
Well done, yeoman.
Well done, Duncan.
- Course, pilot?
- 0-6-0, sir.
Steer 0-6-0.
- Steer 0-6-0, sir.
- Blast!
Flagship on the port bow, sir.
Yeoman, down swastika!
- Hoist white ensign!
- Down swastika, up white ensign, sir.
Eight gun train on enemy fo'c'sle.
Fix it on the stern.
Oerlikons, the bridge!
Open fire!
Rapid firing, commence,
commence, commence!
Fire!
Eight gun, ship target green 5-0.
Gun emplacement.
Train left!
Arm!
Ready!
Fire!
Starboard Oerlikons, engage
enemy destroyer at 3-9-5!
Number two!
Steam room, check, check, check!
Change target to searchlight.
- Ship, steady!
- 1-2-0.
- Ready!
- Fire!
- How's tricks?
- I couldn't half do with a pint!
Ready!
- Ready!
- Fire!
Hey, I need a bomb.
Ready!
- Hurry up, Drip!
- All right, all right!
Ready.
Ready, Stripey!
All right, mate, hang on, hang on.
Easy.
Gently... gently now.
Lie back.
Now... now where is it?
Where is it?
Oh, I'm sorry.
There's the light, sir, dead ahead!
That's the dock! Clear the fo'c'sle!
- Stand back!
- No, sir, it's the wrong light!
It's to starboard!
- Full to starboard!
- All guns...
- Full astern to starboard!
- Accompanying fire, rapid.
Stand by to ram.
Get all the wounded off as soon
as the commandos are ashore.
Aye-aye, sir.
Set all fuses for 03:00.
- All fuses set for 03:00, sir.
- Very good.
- Pilot.
- Sir?
- Embark all wounded in ML's astern.
- Aye-aye, sir.
- Number One?
- Sir?
Check below decks and abandon ship
as soon as all wounded are clear.
Aye-aye, sir.
Lower decks cleared, sir.
Very good, Number One.
- Better get ashore.
- Aye-aye, sir.
There's the skipper.
Glad you made it, sir.
We got all the badly wounded
off in an ML, sir,
but I'm afraid she was the last one.
- The rest were sunk.
- Where's the doctor?
- I'm afraid he was killed, sir.
- Thank you, pilot.
She should have gone up
by now, shouldn't she, sir?
- Why doesn't she go up, sir?
- I don't know, Daniels.
She can't let us down now.
Lieutenant Commander
Fraser, the raid has been a failure.
And we have destroyed
all your ships
and killed or captured
nearly all your men.
In a day or two, we will have
removed your old destroyer
from the dock gates, and you will
have achieved precisely nothing.
What was your object?
Why did you lose so many
men and ships for nothing?
Why?
Why?
Forwards!
Los! Los!
Hey! Geneva Convention,
Article 163,
treatment of prisoners of war.
You can't do a thing like that to a man
in uniform. You ought to know that.
Right, let's go.