Gone Fishin' (1997) Movie Script

This summer's gonna
be great, right, Gus?
- Yeah, it can't get
any worse than last summer.
- that's for sure.
See, last summer was
a learning experience.
For instance, we learned where
my father keeps his cigars.
Now, Joe, you shouldn't be smokin'.
Man, it's bad for you.
Rolled on the thighs
of Cuban honeys.
- I swear, this summer's gonna be a ten.
- Ten plus.
Borderline 11!
See? I told you
not to be smoking.
Electricity Surging]
Holy smokes!
Hey, Gus.
[Car Horn Honking]
[Crane Beeping]
[Honking Continues]
Hey, Joe.
[Alarm Ringing]
Oh, Gus!
- This is gonna be great, isn' t it?
- it's gonna be a ten, Joe.
[Joe Laughing]
A ten? A ten plus.
Borderline 11!
[Dog Barking]
- it's quiet in here, Joe.
- Boy, it is.
I wonder where everybody is.
- Oh, it sounds like
they're in the kitchen.
- [Chattering, Arguing]
I don't care what they say, all right?
It doesn't matter
what people say.
[Boy] But they called
Pops and Uncle Gus jerks.
[Woman #2] If they
werejerks, they wouldn't
have won the fishing contest.
[Woman #1]
We weren't gonna let them
get away with this.
All right, you heard me.
No more fightin', all right?
- Your fathers are notjerks.
- Yeah, tell that...
Hey, w-what's goin' on?
Take a look at your sons.
Were you guys, uh,
playin' football again?
they're gonna be good
football players, Joe.
- They sure are, Gus.
they're gonna be great like Gus.
- Yeah. Yeah.
So, does anybody want
to help us pack or what?
- I want to help, but I wanna
just tell you one thing.
- Would you help your fathers?
- Uh-oh, here comes
Little Miss One Thing' s speech.
- [Laughing]
[Joe] Gus, this Billy "Catch" Pooler's
the best, ain't he?
Even though they say that
only idiots use these lures,
it's the idiots who ain't
using' em that's the idiots.
[Gus] We won his fishin' contest, Joe.
Man, I can't believe it!
- And remember...
- he's the greatest, Joe.
- Dad, look. Are you
gonna wear your shorts?
- Yeah, they're my lucky shorts.
Baby, get my lucky shorts
too, okay?
You gotta be the one
you want to catch.
- Yeah, you can have that.
- Hey, keep packing, guys.
It's the hands, the hands.
Believe in your hands.
- You gotta flick.
- [Gus And Joe] Flick.
- And dip.
- Dip.
- Flick.
- Flick.
- And dip.
- Dip.
[Woman #1]
Okay, everybody, come on. Let's
help the contest winners pack.
[Woman #2]
Okay, everybody.
you're doing a goodjob.
Okay, everybody out now.
- Thanks. All right.
-' Cause me and Aunt Cookie wanna
say one thing to your fathers.
- Find mine, Tracey.
- All right, listen.
We know how important
this trip is to you. We really do.
- But I just gotta say this one thing.
- One thing.
- Thanksgiving' s on Thursday, you know?
- Thursday.
And call me silly,
but I'm worried...
that you're gonna end up
in the hospital or somethin'
like last year.
- Or in jail like you did
the year before.
- Yeah.
- Everything' s gonna be fine.
Yeah, this is gonna be good.
- Come on. Everything' s okay.
But here's the thing.
you've gone fishin' every year
since before we knew you,
and so far everything
has never been okay and fine.
And you've never been
as far away as Florida.
But that's why this trip is so nice.
that's why it's so important.
we're goin' to the Everglades.
that's the biggie, right, Joe?
- Yeah, the Everglades.
Hey, listen to this.
- Everglades, yeah.
- we're gonna catch
tarpon, snook, pompano...
- Yeah, tarpon.
- Catch this.
- I know you'll love that.
If you two are not back
by Thanksgiving,
we have agreed to kill you.
Yeah, that's
what's gonna happen.
- Whooooo!
- Whooooo!
[Men Laughing]
Donna, don't forget now,
because I want
that recipe.
don't forget football.
- [Gus] Okay. Hey, 4: 30.
- [Joe] 4: 30.
- You know, 4: 30.
- [Cookie] Open this door.
- You got the key, lady?
- No. Here.
[Alarm Beeping]
- Good morning.
- Good morning. Hi, honey.
[Alarm Beeping]
[Alarm Beeping]
- Got the boat?
- Check.
- Coupons?
- Check.
- Beer, gear, Dramamine?
- Check, check, check.
- Insert Billy "Catch" Pooler tape.
- Check that too.
We've gone fishin'!
# there's a boat race
down the river #
# there's a slow boat
on my mind #
#Everybody' s goin' like crazy #
# And I'm takin'
my own sweet time #
# I'll drift down
the Big Shark River #
# Take a boat ride on the bay #
# Just tryin' to find
a little peace of mind #
# Down in the Everglades #
# There ain't
gonna be no hurry #
# There ain't
gonna be no rush #
#Just lazy style
like a crocodile #
# Playin' in
the mangrove brush #
# And I'll float on
down the river #
# Let the speedboats
speed away #
# I'll drift around
makin' gator sounds #
# Down in the Everglades #
# While the big crowd
down the river #
# Is gettin' drunk
on sea grape wine #
# I'm gettin' high
watchin' eagles fly #
# Havin' myself a time #
# Whet my whistle
every now and then #
# With a sip of cool Gatorade #
# Watch the sun go down
and let the world go around #
# Down in the Everglades #
# I'll drift around
makin' gator sounds #
# Down in the Everglades ##
[Gus Reading]
"What on earth could make
a man happier...
than O. F. H. In the G.O. M.?"
What's that stuff
you was readin'?
O. F. H., G.O. M.?
What's that mean?
that's Optimum Fishing Hour
in the Gulf of Mexico.
Hmm, alligators.
Hey, Joe, listen to this.
"Alligators will attack their prey,
but not eat them immediately.
- "Often, they will drag their
unlucky half-dead victim...
- [Horn Honking]
"Into their cave, where they
will let the carcass rot,
nibbling on them
at their delight."
A-And this too.
"Legend has it that alligators
are vengeful creatures.
"If threatened or disturbed,
"they will become obsessed with
their target, not resting...
until they have successfully
unleashed their retribution."
- Ohhh!
- Obsessed?
Yeah, obsessed, man.
I mean, they could follow you
to the end of the world.
Wow! Hey, check this out.
Boy, holy smokes.
Hey, Gus, we don't have
to worry about that, right?
- we're gonna be fishin', right?
- Right, right, right, right.
- Yeah. Hey, Joe, it-it's
nice gettin' away, man.
- Oh, yeah.
The little one weighs 62.
Boy, that's somethin'!
Yeah, she's pretty good, huh?
it's a killer!
L-it's okay.
And it's got some fish.
Yeah. Hey, what kind
of fish is that?
- Ah, a grouper.
- Grouper, huh? And what's this?
that's a strawberry grouper.
Strawberry grouper, huh?
I thought it was a salmon.
- Yeah, that's a strawberry grouper.
- what's this one, Gus?
- Kingfish.
- Kingfish, huh?
Hey, Gus, if we had money,
we' d set this up different.
We' d catch a lot of fish.
- Yeah, who needs it?
- Yeah.
- Guys who can't fish.
- Exactly.
L-Look at it this way.
You was a great football player, right?
- Yeah.
- If a great football player
got a bad football...
- he's still a great football player.
- Exactly.
Hey, how about this clean,
fresh Florida air?
[Inhales] Hey, a real Florida
palm tree in the flesh.
Holy smoke! Gus,
I never thought I' d see a palm tree.
- I feel like a million dollars, Joe.
- I feel like two million.
let's go eat.
- And then fish.
- Yeah.
No, no. You got the last one.
it's on me. Forget about it.
Hey, Joe, check out
them ugly sticks.
Hey, don't say that.
- They gonna break.
- [Woman] You got number nine ready?
- [Man] Here you go.
- let's sit over here.
Hey, don't say that.
Hey, Gus, I can't
believe you. You tell me,
"Look at these ugly chicks."
I was gonna laugh right
in their faces over there.
I said, "Ugly sticks."
For fishin'.
Oh, I thought you said
"ugly chicks"' cause this
girl' s sittin' there.
You gotta have ugly sticks
here because they feed
a lot of fishermen.
- Hiya.
- Hi.
Y' all know
what you want?
Hey, Gus. What do you
think, Gus? Should I get
this Southern Plate?
Then you can have
my toast and my bacon.
Yeah, then I'll get the
Fisherman' s Feast, and you can
have my sausage and pancakes.
If you're gonna do that,
why don't I get
the Mariner and you can have
the whole side of ham?
Oh, never mind us.
This happens all the time.
Must be enjoyable for ya.
May I suggest
the Panama Platter?
It really hit the spot.
Oh, yeah? Thanks.
Um... what do you think?
Shall we get a couple of those?
- Yeah, a couple of those.
- [Waitress] Two of those?
- A couple of those, yeah.
- Yeah. Thanks.
- Gus, check this out.
- Yeah.
- Pure Billy "Catch" Pooler.
Watch this.
- Okay.
Back, drop.
- Back, drop.
- Y-you're flickin' too much.
- I can't get the flick.
- Okay, wait. Let me show you.
Which is the flick?
Which is the dip?
Think of flick
instead of flip.
- Flick.
- Flick, dip.
See, I can't...
I get the flick and the dip
mix ed all the time.
- Uh, pardon me.
- Oh, sorry.
- I couldn't help noticing you have a
fishing lure on your key ring.
- Yeah.
- That wouldn't be
a deadly invader, would it?
- It is!
- You fish?
- Not professionally.
You could call me
a frustrated amateur.
you're a frustrated amateur.
- that's good.
- I was just kiddin'.
Just makin' a joke.
- It was a joke.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
What about you two?
you're professionals, right?
Well, I guess you could
say that, in a way.
we're semipro.
We won a lot of fishin' medals
and things like that.
- Not lately, though.
- Well, scout camp...
That counts, doesn't it?
Stuff like that.
- The reason I ask is... Sorry. Sorry.
- Oh.
- Do you mind if I join you?
- No, come on.
You see, my father was
a professional fisherman.
- [Joe] Really?
- He was telling me...
that he was working
on the deadly invader.
You know, I think
this might have been one
of his last original designs.
- By the way, I'm Joe.
- Oh, uh, Martin.
- How ya doin'?
- Martin Jeffries.
Gus. Yeah.
- Anyway, are you two married?
- Uh, yeah, yeah.
- Children?
- No, they're our age.
- No, I don't think
that's what he meant.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Do you have children?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- They all get together.
- they're great kids, though.
- See, Fiona and I,
we never had children.
- Oh, geez.
When Fiona died,
I suddenly realized...
I' d wasted so much
of my life, you know?
- I' d spent 20 years behind a desk.
- that's a long time to sit.
- you're 100% right.
- Right, Joe?
- I was always jealous of men like you.
- Really?
Of course, I'm changing all that now,
you know. My life' s different.
Listen, I won' t hold you up.
Anyway, look, it was
a real honor meeting you.
- Hey, the pleasure' s ours.
- Yeah, thanks.
Thanks so much.
And good luck with the fishing.
- Yeah.
- Hey, try fishing.
You'll see.
- I'll give it a try.
- All right. he's a nice guy, huh?
Hey, what kind of accent
is that? Polish or somethin'?
- I think it's Irish.
- Yeah, Irish, Scottish.
Here. I'm glad y' all didn't buy
a bridge from that gentleman.
Why? He seemed
like a nice guy. He didn't
try to sell us anything.
- Seemed like a nice guy
havin' a tough time.
- Oh, really?
- Poor guy just recently
lost his wife, you know?
- Yeah.
Did you know you just recently
lost your car?
- there's a car just like mine!
- Joe, that's your car!
- It is! With my keys!
- [Tires Screeching]
- [Screaming]
- Hey, Joe!
Holy smokes!
it's simple.
When we find that guy
who stole my mom' s money
and broke her heart,
I'm gonna kill him.
- Food.
- What... What?
- Food.
- Oh, no. Come on.
We already lost two hours.
- Hi.
- Hi. How are you?
What happened?
Oh, we just had ourselves
a little boatin' accident.
Some fella stole a car.
- Big mess.
- Oh, yeah?
He didn't happen to look
like this guy, did he?
Well, that was him.
- He was here!
- Well, when did he leave?
- A couple hours ago.
- Was he alone?
When he got here.
Then he sat over at that table
with a couple of fellas and...
they chit-chatted for a while
and... and he took their car.
Those guys whose car was stolen,
what about them?
Oh, you shouldn't have
any trouble findin' them. [Laughs]
[Joe And Gus Panting]
My poor car, Gus.
My poor car.
My poor feet. Hey.
[Car Horn Honking]
[Boy In Car]
Hey, you dorks!
[Bird Squawking]
[Bird Squawking]
This trip ain't even a one.
it's a friggin' zero.
- It could be worse, Joe.
- How could it be worse?
You can't get any lower
than zero, right, Gus?
Hey, at least we're alive.
We almost got killed by our own boat.
My life stinks, Gus. But it stunk
a lot less when my car was in it.
- Yeah.
- That car meant a lot to me, Gus.
I got memories of that car
I can't even remember.
Yeah, but at least
we're goin' fishing.
- Hey, Joe?
- Yeah?
L-I was just thinkin;
Say, 100 years ago
we were goin' fishin;
- This is what we' d be doin'.
- What do you mean?
Yeah, think about it.
This is how we' d get
our boat to the water.
So we can't let that guy ruin
our Florida vacation, eh?
Hey, maybe you're right.
Yeah, and 1, 000 years ago,
we wouldn't even have paved roads.
Hey, that's right, Gus. It would be
filled with rocks and everything, right?
Y-Y-Yeah. And the boats
would be heavier.
that's right. We got
the latest technology wood.
This boat's light, right, Gus?
Yeah, and guess what, Joe?
A million years ago,
we wouldn't even have
wheels for our trailer. [Laughing]
We wouldn't even have
a friggin' trailer, right, Gus?
A-A-And Gus, if it was that long ago,
our brains would be smaller.
- We wouldn't even think
about anything like that.
- Oh, man, yeah.
- So, it may not be a ten yet,
- Yeah.
- But it definitely ain't a zero.
- [Horn Honking]
Hey, hey!
- Hey, Gus, they're pulling over.
- Yeah.
- Hey.
- Hey, Gus.
- Yeah?
- Babes.
You guys need a ride?
Gus, what kind of knot
did you tie?
A double shambo
figure eight.
You went over, under, over.
Uh, the shambo goes over, under, under.
- Hey, Joe, trust me. it's over, under.
- it's under, under.
- Hi.
- [Both] Hi.
Hey, it's really nice
of you girls to give us a ride.
We really appreciate it.
- Yeah.
- you're welcome.
it's really too bad
about your car. I feel bad.
- We feel bad too, yeah.
- Yeah. Hmm.
- Did you report the car stolen?
- Yeah, with the deputy.
' Cause the sheriff was out fishin'.
ain't that a bummer?
Y-You know the... You know your license
plate number, right?
that's the one thing
thatJoe does remember. [Laughs]
that's right.
Uh, "JGTT 542."
- Can you... What is it? "J" what?
- Wait. Could you do that again?
- Maybe I'll bump into
the police, and I can help you.
- Yeah, that's a great idea.
- Thank you. that's nice of you.
- One more time.
- "J" forJoe, "G" for Gus...
- that's me.
"T"for tuna,
"T"for trout.
- "5." I was five years old
the first time I tasted beer.
- Yeah.
And "42" was
Gus' s old football jersey before
he dislocated both his knees.
Yeah, but that's not
how I hurt my knees, you know.
I sleepwalk when I eat red meat.
- Sleepwalk?
- that's right. Hey, listen to this.
One time at a July 4th
barbecue we had...
After it was over,
Gus sleepwalked all the way over
to the 7-11 on the interstate.
Got wiped out by a motorcycle.
Almost killed him. Hey,
true story, I swear to God.
- it's a true story.
- Right, Gus?
- Yeah, right.
- Ex cuse us.
Hey, we'll
talk to you later.
[Laughing, Whooping]
Hey, hey, you know, Joe?
Life is so
unpredictable, man.
One minute,
we're draggin' our boat,
next minute, we're gettin'
a ride with babes!
Hey, you know somethin' else?
I think they find us attractive.
- Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Notice that?
Hey, maybe
they think we're cute.
- Yeah, yeah.
- W-Why not? what's wrong with us?
We have the license plate
number. We know that
it's a blue Barracuda.
And if we see this guy,
we're going to call the police.
- Of course, we're gonna call the police.
- Okay.
- Hey, hey, remember the killer looks?
- The what?
- The killer looks. [Mutters]
- Killer looks?
Oh, Joe! Your memory' s so bad.
In high school.
We' d be sittin' in the bleachers
and givin' the killer looks...
to Susan Dix on
and Marilyn Mitchell.
- Oh, yeah! Killer looks!
- Yeah.
What we gotta do is figure out
what to do with these guys.
You know what?
I was thinkin' of that low-down dir...
that's if...
- Hi.
- Hi.
what's wrong?
Are you guys all right?
Oh, we're good, yeah.
Okay, well, um, look,
I just need to ask you...
The guy who stole your car...
Was he carrying anything?
Like a... Like a black bag
or a suitcase or...
Uh, it was... It looked
more like a purse to me.
Yeah, yeah, he was a man
with a purse, yeah.
Oh, yeah, well, this guy
with the purse, did he maybe...
tell you which way he was going
or something like that?
- Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
- Uh, no. that's all we know, really.
- Let me ask you a question: How come
you're asking so many questions?
- Yeah.
Well, it's because...
The guy who stole your car...
- No, the guy...
- [Chattering, Gasps]
- Hey, Joe, the beer!
- Gus! Get the beer, Gus!
- I got it, Joe.
- Get the beer.
Hey, Joe!
Hey, good save, Gus!
Good save!
- [Screams]
- [Rope Slipping]
Oh, Gus!
- J-Joe!
- [Grunting]
- Hey, Joe!
- [Joe Screaming]
- Hey, Joe!
- [Grunts]
Hey, hold on, Joe!
I'm coming!
[Grunting, Panting]
- Thanks, Gus.
- Hey.
[Joe] Hey, Gus, I told you
it was under and under.
[Gus] Yeah, okay, Joe.
Maybe you're right.
- Hey, nice R.V., Gus.
- [Horn Honking]
- [Both Gasp]
- [Honking Continues]
Hey, Gus, is there any way
to steer this thing?
L-l-I don't know. We better
find a way to stop it, though.
- Where' d they go?
- What?
Th-they're gone.
- The boat, the beer,
everything. they're gone!
- Weird.
- Hey, Gus.
- Huh?
- The anchor.
- Get it, Joe. Throw it.
[Both Screaming]
- [Crashing]
- [Both Laughing]
- Hey, Gus.
- Yeah.
- It was just like a ride.
- Yeah.
- [Train Whistle Blowing]
- [Both] Uh-oh.
- Train!
- Train!
- Hey, Gus, you pushing or pulling?
- Pushin'.
- it's stuck on something.
- [Whistle Blowing]
Joe, go get the...
go get the anchor!
- Hurry up!
- I'm doin' it.
Hurry up!
- let's go.
- [Whistle Blowing]
[Both Scream]
Boy, that was close, Gus.
You know who I
feel sorry for, Gus?
- Who?
- Those girls. You know, the babes.
- Yeah.
- I bet they're drivin' all around
lookin' for us, right?
Yeah, you're
probably right, Joe.
Hey, look at this setup,
huh, Gus?
Where' re you
guys headed?
Uh, we're goin'
to the Everglades.
- Hop in.
- Hey, thanks.
[Beer Bottles Rattling]
[Railroad Crossing Bell
I usually use
a 80-pound test line...
with a Bluefin II
1955 stand-up rods with those uni-butts,
so I can pull it out of the rod holder
when the fish is pulling hard.
Do you anchor
or do you drift?
We usually power drift
along the break, if we can find one.
- Yeah.
- And set each hook bait
with a different depth.
Man, we know a ton
of great fishin' secrets.
Last year, the Everglades
were like a feeding frenzy.
No way you weren't
gonna catch some beauties.
don't worry about your boat.
Ours is big enough for all four of us.
- Hey, Joe!
- Hey, Gus, that's my car!
Hey, stop!
We'll be all right now.
I got my car.
- Hey, where are you guys headin'?
- Tigertail Lagoon.
- Hey, we'll see you there.
- Good luck.
- Guys are lucky, ain't they?
- Yeah. Oh, man, I know.
I wish I was them.
Hey, where is the guy
that, uh, parked this car?
- Yeah.
- he's in the john.
- What are you doin; Joey?
- he's gonna get a little
piece of Newark, Gus.
- Oh, come on, Joey. It ain't worth it.
- it's worth it, Gus.
- No, it's not worth it, Joey!
- it's worth it, Gus!
- Hey, what about O. F. H. First?
- it's worth it.
[Mutters, Sighs]
Oh, man.
# [Whistles]
# [Whistles]
Hey! Hey! Look
what you're doin' there.
Hey, what's going on
over there?
Joe, what about O. F. H.?
Man, we still got time.
it's not worth it!
it's not worth it! he's got a gun!
- he's got a gun? Shoot!
- Got a gun.
Come on, Joe!
he's got a gun!
Hurry up!
- Hey, mister. Hey!
- let's go!
it's against the law to start your car
while I'm pumping gas!
Oh, boy,
that was close, Gus.
- That guy could' ve killed us, Joe.
- I know.
- Joe, what happened?
- I went in. I was gonna
hit him with the club, see.
- He was lookin' for me. He
was underneath the toilet.
- Yeah, yeah.
So I get up on top,
and the club gets caught
on this, uh, thing.
- And I look, and he's got a gun.
- Was it real?
No, he's loadin' a water pistol.
Yeah, it was real!
- So I ran outta there right
away, and I ran into you.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Where was you goin'?
- L-I was comin' in to help you.
As soon as I tell you it was a gun,
you was the first one in the car.
- Yeah, that's why I ran first.
I got longer legs, man.
- Yeah, you were scared, Gus.
[Sirens Wailing,
Horns Honking]
what's goin' on?
- I don't know, man. Yeah.
- God! There must be a fire
or somethin', huh? Man.
Hey, Gus, check in there.
See if this guy touched anything.
- I'll kill him.
- Better not have touched our tapes.
Yeah, the tapes are in there too.
what's that?
- A knife.
- Holy smokes!
- Yeah.
- Hey, Gus, it looks like
it's got blood on it.
Sure does.
there's blood on it, Joe.
Hey, we could use it
to scale our fish.
Yeah, that's a good idea.
We'll use it to scale our fish.
[Joe] It feels good to get the car
back, Gus. I'll tell you that.
Smells good too.
Holy smokes!
Look at this place, Gus!
- Yeah, this must be it, Joe.
- Yeah.
But the sign says
"Rod & Gun Club,"Gus.
Oh. Glory Glades
must be a few miles away.
- Yeah, this ain't it, huh?
- Yeah.
- it's probably just as nice.
- I bet it's even nicer.
- Yeah, that's right.
- Yeah.
So far, Gus, l-I don't
like the landscaping, I'll tell ya that.
Yeah, somebody
ain't doin' their job, that's for sure.
This must be where the workers stay.
let's ask somebody.
Yeah, let's go ask.
Yeah, let's go ask.
Sure doesn't look
like a paradise, Joe.
Howdy there, folks.
Can I help y' all?
[Joe] Yeah, we're lookin'
for Glory Glades Lodge.
This here's it.
- This is it? [Muttering]
- No, no. Like here.
- Show him the coupon.
- See? Glory Glades.
- [Joe] That Glory Glades.
- Ah, the lodge!
We got two coupons
we won.
It was a beautiful lodge,
but she's gone now.
- Gone?
- Hurricane Andrew flattened it
flatter than flat.
Took us ten months
to clean this place up.
[Spittoon Dings,
Cat Screeches]
But not to worry. We got plenty of room.
Let me see that coupon again.
Oh, yeah, here.
Hmm. Well, y' all can stay
in one of them campers.
[Flies Buzzing]
We gotta stay in there?
Both of us?
Why, that's a big camper.
there's room for four or five,
and it's just the two of you.
- You ain't got no pets, have you?
- ain't you got nothin' else?
Oh, that's the top of the line.
I don't think you want what else we got.
- I guess we'll go check it out.
- Yeah.
that's the top of the line.
I just cleaned her out.
- [Bird Squawking]
- Hey, hey, give me that!
Friggin' slob.
I'll tell you what, Gus.
It doesn't look anything
like the picture.
Yeah, they should' ve sent us
a new brochure if they're gonna
change the picture like that.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, they got a lotta nerve
callin' this first prize.
- [Thunder Rumbling]
- I wonder what the losers got.
Six months in Sing Sing?
- Yeah, maybe.
- Careful. Why don't you go first?
There might be rats.
Go ahead, you're bigger.
- Me?
- Go ahead.
[Joe Shudders]
it's okay. Come on in, Joe.
[Alex Trebek Reading Clue]
- Richard?
- [Richard] Who was Dionysus?
- Correct.
- Holidays and Observances for 100.
In 1915, President Wilson
proclaimed this holiday
as the second Sunday in May.
- What is Mother' s Day?
- Right.
Yeah, change it.
- it's a stupid show anyway.
- Yeah, I know.
[Joe] Hey, Country' s Criminals.
This is a good show.
- Yeah, I like this one.
- Yeah, you see some action stuffhere.
[Man On TV]
I love you so much, Gladys.
I could not live without you.
- Honestly.
- [Woman] Sure he could.
Gladys Sussner
is one of 43 women...
who this ruthless con artist
married and then stole from.
Wow, 43 ladies.
And it was Gladys
who was found dead with stab wounds.
This man
is the prime suspect.
- Hey, Gus, look who it is!
- Dekker Massey.
- it's the guy who stole my car!
- Yeah!
Dekker' s partner, his
educationally challenged
brother Quentin...
- This guy' s a killer,
and we didn't even know it.
- Was arrested...
but the police and
the federal authorities...
are still searching for Dekker Massey
and the murder weapon.
Hey, we got the evidence.
We don't have
any evidence, Joe.
- A $100, 000 reward...
- A $100, 000 reward!
For evidence linking
Massey to the crime.
- The knife in the car!
- The knife!
Yeah, with the blood on it.
- Yeah, with the blood on it.
- Maybe he used that
to stab that poor old lady.
- Yeah.
- Holy smokes, Gus!
And $5 million
in cash and jewelry,
believed to have been
hidden away by Dekker' s brother,
is still missing.
- Joe... we're gonna be rich, Joe!
- we're gonna be rich!
- If you can help us, please call today.
- Gus, write down the number!
- Write the number down!
- We'll be right back.
I don't believe it, Gus.
A hundred thousand dollars.
we're gonna be rich, Gus.
All we have to do is turn the knife in,
and we get the reward!
Gus, you know what we'll do.
Tomorrow we buy a fishing boat
first and go fishin'!
- Yeah, we'll get a boat
just like our old one, Joe!
- Better! Better, Gus!
- Joe, this is easy.
- Oh, man, I can't believe it.
- No more worries, Gus.
- No more worries, Joe!
# Now the big crowds
down the river #
# Is gettin' drunk
on sea grape wine #
# I'm gettin' high
watchin' eagles fly #
# Havin' myself a time #
# I whet my whistle
every now and then #
# With a sip of cool Gatorade #
# I'll drift around
and watch the sun go down #
- # Down in the Everglades #
- Whoo!
- # Down in the Everglades #
- [Dog Barking]
- # Down in the Everglades #
- I hear you!
# Down in the Everglades #
[Both Laughing]
what's blank "shrugged."
Five letters, ending in an "S."
That' d be "Atlas,"
as in Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand,
a Russian-born
American writer.
Oh, yeah.
Is the manager in?
That' d be myself.
Wonderful. Listen.
I was wondering if you're
still honoring these?
What the hell is it with these...
[Spits] damn coupons?
- Why, has somebody else
been in with one?
- Two fellas come in last night.
- They still here?
- No, they gone this mornin'.
Do you know where
They've gone?
They asked me where
they could buy a boat.
And did you
suggest a place?
- [Spittoon Dings]
- Yep.
Which place?
Phil Beasly' s.
Oh, it's nice, Joe.
It has a kitchen.
You know, hey, Joe,
this is real nice.
- Hey, let me see.
- Hey, yeah, nice kitchen.
- Oh, yeah.
- Beds.
But these are
pleasure boats, Gus.
- See?
- Oh, that's nice, Joe.
- they're not fishin' boats.
We don't need that.
- Yeah, we don't need that.
The guys who can't fish get these.
they're show-offs.
they're pleasure boats.
here's one like our old one.
- Yeah.
- Holy smokes!
- Whoo!
- Why is it so expensive, Gus?
- Because we bought ours used
20 years ago.
- Yeah.
Yeah. Hey, Joe, maybe we
oughta just fish off the dock,
like we used to do
in the old days, yeah?
Look, I don't care.
You wanna just rent one?
We'll rent one.
Yeah, we can rent one.
Then we'll buy a real nice
used one when we get back home.
- [Man] it's sad, isn' t it?
- What?
The Little Guy.
that's what we call this boat.
"The Little Guy."
- Yeah!
- Oh!' Cause you got all the
big guys around... I see, yeah.
Phil Beasly, Sr.
- Uh, Gus.
- Uh, Joe.
Yeah, the Little Guy' s sad.
But you know what's sadder?
Follow me, guys.
- The Little Guy.
- Yeah, but maybe he'll show us
somethin' real nice.
- Watch your step here, guys.
- Yeah.
# Down in the Everglades #
[Alarm Beeping]
- Hey, how much further?
- Oh, just right up here.
- I wanna show you guys
somethin' different.
- All right.
- Something special.
- Yeah.
- Most of my customers
just shop the showroom.
- Yeah.
But I can see you guys
are professional fishermen.
I'm sure you can judge
this boat in the water.
- we're semipro, not professional.
- you've probably won some awards.
- Yeah, we won a few.
- Yeah. Oh, We've won a lot of' em.
Yeah, well, that's good.
Right here, guys.
- Hey, Gus, it's the Ranger 250C.
- Wow!
Yeah, the 250C. Let me tell you what's
sad about this boat.
A lot of people look at this
and believe it's only a dream.
You fellas know
anyone like that?
- Yeah, us.
- But there's nothin'
wrong with lookin'.
Good point.
I cite this nudie photo
as a prime example.
- You men married?
- [Both] Yeah.
Then you'll understand me when
I say you're allowed to look.
- Yeah.
- That is the American way.
you're allowed all the eyeballing
your eyeballs can eyeball.
you'rejust not allowed to touch.
you're not allowed to play.
Well, I got good news
for you guys.
Go right ahead.
Touch. Play.
- Ex cuse me.
- Thanks a lot, Phil.
- Yeah.
- We might as well, Gus.
It can't hurt none, right?
Yeah, sure.
Oh, man!
- Wow, look at this. This is something.
- Man!
How about this guy? Tryin' to give us
the old salesman pitch.
With his nudie girl photo.
He never saw a girl
like that in his life.
- Yeah, yeah. He tried
to pull one on us.
- Yeah.
- Guys?
- [Both] Yeah?
Someone I want you to meet.
This is my assistant.
Julie, this is Gus and Joe.
- Hello, guys.
- [Both] Hi.
I'll sign those papers now.
Nice boat.
You guys look great in it.
- Thanks.
- I'm tellin' you, that baby' s cryin;
- Screamin'.
- Yeah.
- No, the boat.
- Yeah, that's what I was talkin' about.
Let me tell you something, guys.
[Clears Throat]
If I'm not honest with you,
I'm not lyin' to anyone.
I started this business
because I'm a fisherman
and a boatman,
not because my time equals sales
plus commission minus overhead.
To me, it's
the people that matter.
- Yeah, people.
- Yeah. People, yeah.
I wouldn't want you
to fall in love with...
just for example...
A boat like mine.
that's the Waveliner II.
She' d be overkill
for you fellas.
- Yeah, overkill. Too much.
- Yeah, overkill.
The truth is, this boat you're
standin' in, the Ranger 250C...
Gentlemen, this boat...
Well... can you
just see the neighbors?
- Yeah, the neighbors.
- The neighbors.
- Wazinski. [Laughing]
- Yeah.
Can you just see them?
I'm tellin' you, that's
the best part of my job.
Not keepin' boats afloat,
but keepin' a man' s self-image
above the water.
- Yeah, self-image.
- Self-image, yeah.
Y-You see, Phil, we were thinkin' about
buyin' the, uh, Little Guy?
- Yeah. it's too, um...
- But it's too, uh...
- Cheap?
- [Both] Yeah, cheap.
- Where do you fellas fish?
- Glory Glades.
Fellas, are you familiar
with the phrase...
"No one fishes Glory Glades"?
- No.
- I never heard that.
Guys, if you learn
anything from me today,
remember the two words...
Tigertail Lagoon.
- Hey, that's where Bubba and J. P...
- J. P., yeah.
- We got a couple of friends
of ours fish over there.
- Yeah, yeah.
it's where I fish.
Here, have a pen.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Phil, would you sign this for me?
- Oh, yeah. Gladly.
Are you guys okay?
- Fine, thanks.
- Yeah, fine.
- Okay. Thank you.
- Thank you, Julie.
Thank you, Julie. Uh, Phil, you know,
there's no way we can afford...
Gus, prices are relative to your outlook
and how you approach a matter.
- For example, I say ten dollars.
- Yeah.
You say two. that's eight dollars
worth of play, my friends.
- Yeah, it's eight dollars.
- Yeah.
Can we not disagree
on somethin'?
- We can't... We can't disagree.
- No.
I think we reached that
place already, minutes ago.
Now here's my point.
- And you can take this to the bank.
- Yeah.
Think for a moment
of the words "easy payments."
- Easy payments.
- Easy payments.
I'm talkin' 810 easy payments...
they're easy now... of $39.95.
- $39.95. that's not bad.
- No.
Each. that's $39.95.
This boat, your boat.
Think about it.
All we need is a signature,
and you've already got a pen.
- Yeah.
- Ex cuse me.
What do you think?
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
- Yeah. It depends
on what you're thinkin'.
- Yeah, well...
P.S. there's a 30-day
money-back guarantee.
So it's a test-drive.
You don't like it...
which you will...
you call, we come,
we pick it up.
End of story,
see you next time, no questions asked.
- that's like free rent, Gus.
- Yeah.
You guys, if you need anything...
I mean anything...
just say out loud
the word "Phil"!
- [Chuckles]
- Ex cuse me.
- Hey, Phil!
- Hey, Phil!
Hey, Gus, did you ever think
we' d own a boat like this?
Oh, man, no.
Look at the navigation, Joe.
- Yeah. what's this?
- that's the three-dimensional sonar.
- Hey, Gus, I know we gotta
bring back the knife.
- Yeah.
But do you think we could
get a little O. F. H. In first?
Yeah, we do a little O. F. H.,
and then we take the knife back.
- [Sonar Beeping]
- Hey, Gus, look at this!
- A hundred yards north of here.
Look at all that fish activity!
- Wow!
Hey, Joe,
they all around us, man! [Laughs]
- Hey, we're surrounded by fish.
- Hey, we made it, Joe!
Hey, you know what, Gus?
This is the first time on
this trip that life is good.
- Hey, a ten.
- A ten plus.
Borderline 11!
[Both Laughing]
I can't wait to try out
the new "flick dip," you know?
- Flick, dip.
- [Gus Grunting]
- What happened, Gus?
- You knocked me over with the flick.
- Gus!
- Oh, no!
- [Sonar Beeping]
- Joe, look at the fish
activity here! Whoo!
- [Screaming]
- Hey, what-what-what?
- Look! Gus!
- [Screaming Continues]
- Let go of the pole!
- Hey, it broke!
Get off! Get off!
what's it say, Joe? what's it say?
- I can't find it. Ignition. Ignition.
- Huh?
[Man In Small Boat]
Shut it down!
- [Screaming]
- [Both] Sorry.
Slow down!
Shut it off!
- Let me have it.
- it's broke! it's broke!
Try shuttin' the key off, Gus.
- Shut the what off again?
- Shut the key off!
- You broke it.
- Yeah, it broke. [Screams]
Oh, I feel bad, Gus.
Move out of the way!
Move out of the way!
- Sorry.
- Hey, Joe, where are we goin'?
- Hey, J... J. P!
- Hey, it's J. P! Bubba!
- Oh, Joe!
- Oh, Gus!
- Joe, get in! Get in!
- Gus! Gus!
Joe, the knife! Get the knife!
Get it, Joe. Get it!
- Gus! Oh!
- Get it!
- I can't get it.
- Come on, Joe. You get it?
- Did you get it, Joe?
- No, I can't get it, Gus.
You couldn't get it, Joe?
Gus, what are we gonna do?
We don't...
- I don't know, Joe.
- I can't believe it. I can't
believe we lost that knife.
- Me either. I can't believe it.
- That was everything to us.
- Everything.
- I know. Oh, we in big trouble, Joe.
Hey, there they are!
- Gus!
- let's move!
Slow down!
Where are you goin'?
- Why are they chasin' us?
- I don't know why.
Look like they're
gainin' on us, Joe!
Get outta here! it's not our fault!
It broke! The thing broke!
Leave us alone!
We got enough problems!
- Watch those bushes, Gus!
- [Screaming]
[Screaming Continues]
Watch out!
[Screaming Continues]
that's my boat!
[Both Panting]
- Hey, Phil!
- Hey, Phil!
Hey, Phil, we decided
to bring the boat back
before the 30 days was up.
- Right, Joe?
- Yeah. Look, Phil,
this stuff all broke.
You better get it all fix ed.
Thanks, anyway.
Yeah, thanks, man.
You know, you need better material.
Yeah. Sorry.
These guys are
a two-man disaster area.
They just bought a boat and destroyed it
in less than an hour.
Look, these idiots
won' t get very far.
Now They've got my map.
It might take me
another day to find them.
But I will find them.
don't worry.
And when I'm finished with them,
I'll know where the money is.
we're gonna be working
every weekend for the rest
of our lives, Gus.
How come?
Because that boat cost
more than our house.
At least we'll
be home on time.
we're gonna be home a day earlier,
and that's worse than
gettin' there on time.
Besides, that friggin' knife
is somewhere at the bottom
ofTigertail Lagoon.
- In any case, we're goin' home.
- [Tire Blows Out]
- Flat.
- Flat.
I got it, Gus.
[Dog Barking]
- Hey, Gus.
- What?
- what's this?
- what's what, Joe?
Look, look. It looks like
a map of somethin'.
Joe, it's a map
to the money andjewels.
What jewels and money?
Joe, your memory' s so bad.
Remember the $2-1/2 million
in stolen jewels and money...
the guy on TV
said was hidden away?
- This is it?
- Yeah. Who cares about the knife?
We get the reward anyway.
Hey, w-we got a map
to $2-1/2 million dollars!
- Hey, we're gonna
get the reward anyway!
- we're gonna be rich!
- we're gonna be rich...
- [Muttering] Wait, wait, wait, wait!
- Gus, Gus, Gus, listen!
Gus, Gus! Listen.
- Huh? Yeah.
Listen. Who cares
about the reward is right.
Forget about the reward. let's
just take the 2-1/2 million
in money and jewels.
we're millionaires!
Millionaires, Gus! we're rich!
Joe, that guy stole that
from 43 women.
that's a whole lot
of broken hearts.
Yeah, i-i-it's not nice.
We wouldn't like it if it
was somebody in our families.
- We can't take it.
- But think, Joe.
Not only is it a lot of women...
That means a lot of rewards.
it's a lot of rewards!
- it's more than one reward.
we're rich! we're rich!
- we're gonna be rich.
- we're gonna be rich.
- we're rich. that's right.
Instead of one reward,
we get a bunch of rewards.
- we're really rich now.
And we're picking up...
- [Muttering]
we're goin' fishin'!
- Holy smokes! Look at this place, Gus.
- Oh, yeah.
Hey, Gus, Gus, you check us in, and I'll
give the guy the car.
All right.
Hey, Joe, this is us. I can feel it.
Welcome to the Rod & Gun Club.
Will you be checking in, sir?
- Yes, I am.
- Can I help you with your bags?
- I only got one bag.
- All right.
And I'll get it myself.
it's okay. it's just an overnight bag.
- here's your hat, sir.
- Oh, that stays here.
- [Boat Horn Honking]
- Enjoy your stay.
Yeah. Careful
with this car.
# [Classical]
Good evening, sir.
- [Growling, Laughing]
- [Gasps]
- Hey, Joe, don't... don't do that, man.
- You were scared, huh, Gus?
it's dead. [Laughs]
You were scared.
I'm sorry, gentlemen.
There are no rooms.
The only room available
is the, uh, Presidential Suite.
We'll take it.
The, uh,
Presidential Suite...
is at a rate
of $850 per evening.
Oh, yeah, we'll, uh... So,
we'll take it per evening.
Hey, Gus, this is pretty cool.
They give us rich people' s
clothes to wear, huh?
Yeah, we better get
used to it, Joe. We'll be
doing this a whole lot, man.
- [Fabric Tears]
- Yeah.
- Why don't I try
that pink one on, Gus?
- Yeah, yeah.
- It might fit a little better.
- Yeah.
-' Cause that's big.
- Yeah.
[Fabric Tears]
- I like the blue one better, Gus.
- Yeah, I like the pink one.
It looked better on me.
The blue one
looks great on you.
- Yeah, this is good.
- Yeah, it looks good.
Yeah, this is good.
let's go eat.
[Clearing Throat]
- [Chattering]
- Chicken praline.
- Ex cuse us.
- Yes. Ahem. Ex cuse me.
- Very nice to see you tonight.
You look very nice.
- Thank you.
- My name is Kirk.
I am your waiter. K-l-R-K.
- Hi, Kirk.
- I'm Joe.
- I'm Gus.
Gus. Nice to see you, Gus.
Nice to see you tonight.
- Nice place, Joe.
- Thanks.
Come on, come on,
come on, come on.
- Ex cuse me, sir.
- it's good.
Hey, look. I see
something I want already.
- I'm gonna have the halibut.
You can have my tomatoes.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I'll have
the New York strip.
You can have my vegetables.
Gus, Gus,
I ain't takin' your vegetables,
' cause you ain't havin' steak.
- What?
- I ain't stayin' in a room with
no zombie sleepwalking freak.
- Hey, Joe, it's gonna be
all right. Hey-Hey, Kirk.
- Yes?
he's gonna have halibut.
I'm gonna have the New York strip.
- Oh, Gus, don't.
- [Kirk] Very nice.
- I'll be all right, Joe.
- Okay. To drink?
Uh, drink. let's see.
Something special.
Yeah, it's a special occasion.
We'll have some, some wine.
Some wine? Yes.
Red? White?
- Something good, Kirk.
- Okay, very good.
Welcome. Welcome.
- [Laughing]
- That guy gets so ex cited. Nice guy.
- He makes me ex cited, man.
- This is great stuff.
- This is a... borderline 11!
- Borderline 11!
- Shhh!
- [Laughing]
- [Laughs] What are they lookin' at?
- Yeah.
- I don't know, Rita.
I don't see anything.
- Did you find anything?
Just these.
- Pork rinds, ugh!
- Healthy.
A bunch of fishing magazines,
some half-smoked bad cigars...
and this, uh, pen from...
"Phil Beasly' s Boat Emporium."
Look, ladies, you gotta stop.
Okay? Party' s over.
I could lose my job.
that's it. Okay?
Hey, that's why I gave you $20.
Now, the guy who was driving this car...
- Where is he?
Do you know where he is?
- Rita.
- Is he your husband?
- No, he's not my...
Do you know where he is?
Most likely, he's
in the dining room, okay?
"Dirt road.
Chokoloske Road.
Go along the bank.
Sign for Snickerson's."
Let me see that, Joe.
I've gots the wine for you.
Hey, that's...
What are we supposed to say, Kirk?
you're supposed to say,
"Kirk, that looks good to me."
[Imitating Kirk' s Accent]
Kirk, it looks good to me.
[All Laughing]
Yeah, me too, Kirk.
It looks real good to me.
it's imported.
- There.
- that's it?
Kirk, I'm not exactly
a little kid, you know.
I can drink a full glass.
- [Laughs]
- He gave me a little stuff like that.
- I know. More, more.
- that's more like it.
- Give me a whole glass too, Kirk.
- Okay.
Hey, Kirk, do you know
where this is?
Yes, that is Snickerson's.
that's about 20 miles south of here.
- Oh, thanks.
- Okay? Okay. Okay.
Enjoy, gentlemens.
it's 20 miles
south ofhere, Joe.
that's all, man.
we're in great shape.
Huh? Hey, Gus, do you think
you should show Kirk that map?
- He didn't know what it was.
- Ehhh.
Maybe you're right, Joe.
We gotta be extra careful now.
- Oh, my...
- [Gus] To not screwin' up, Joe.
- To not screwin' up, Gus.
- Hey, Joe!
- Yeah?
- Hey, look! The girls!
Hey, it's the girls
that gave us the ride.
Beautiful ladies for
the very nice gentlemens.
- Hi, Angie. Uh, thanks, Kirk.
- Hi.
- This is great.
- Sit down. Sit down.
We didn't know what
happened to you guys.
No, we just turned around,
and you were like gone.
- Yeah.
- You know what happened?
The boat slipped off.
- Gus tied the shambo wrong.
- L-I missed a knot.
- What are you doing here?
- What are you doing here?
we're celebrating
getting my car back.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- And, uh, where's the guy?
- The guy?
- Yeah.
- The guy that took the car?
- Uh-huh.
- We just left him there.
- [Laughing]
Did he leave anything
in the car? You know,
like a bag or papers or...
- A knife, knife...
- A knife?
- Yeah, but we lost the knife.
- What?
- We had a boating accident.
- Yeah. [Smacking Lips]
So, like, did he leave
maybe a clue or something?
You know, where he might
be going, a tip?
H-H-Hey, how come you girls
are so interested in this guy?
let's put our cards
on the table. you're
after the reward, right?
Oh, we could care less about
the reward, believe me.
Yeah, they know about
the reward, I think.
-' Cause we were watching Jeopardy...
- You guys watch Jeopardy?
Yeah. They take away Science,
I'll kill' em.
- I'll kill' em
if it weren't for History.
- Yeah, that's right.
Anyway, then we put on
This Country' s Criminals,
and we saw this guy.
- And that's what you want.
You want the reward.
- Yeah.
We just want the guy caught.
I don't care about the reward.
We don't, do we?
- No.
- And what did he do to you?
Look, my father,
he died almost 12 years ago.
And my mom, she's
been alone all this time...
until she met
this guy, Dekker.
- Yeah, that's the guy.
- Yeah.
Well, anyway, he charmed her
and then he married her...
and then he took everything.
He skipped town
with her whole life savings.
- And it broke her heart, you know?
- Yeah.
And he could have killed her
like that other woman, you know?
Hey, hey, come on.
it's okay.
Honey, please don't cry.
it's gonna be okay, right?
The cops are gonna
take care of everything. Right, guys?
I'm sorry. I didn't mean...
Did you have dinner?
Why don't you eat with us?
- Join us for dinner.
- Yeah! Yeah, that's a great idea.
Like you're really
on a vacation, right?
- Champagne.
- Champagne. Very nice.
Come on, come on, come on!
Yeah, come on, come on,
come on, come on!
- Bubble, bubble.
- [Laughing]
Hey, Gus?
- Gus?
- [Blow Dryer Blowing]
What time is it?
How come you're up so early?
It feels like I just went to bed.
[Blow Dryer Stops]
Hey, Gus?
Are you okay, Gus?
[Gas Hissing]
Gus, you okay? Hey, Gus,
you ain't sleepwalkin', are ya?
Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
you're sleepwalkin', Gus.
Gus, you're sleepwalkin'.
Gus, you are!
I need water.
- Gus, I need water!
- All right, Tommy, I'm on my way.
[Gas Continues Hissing]
Gus, you ain't never
eatin' meat again!
No more steak, ever!
that's it!
[Phone Rings]
The phone. Hello?
I have received a report
of some noise.
Where, in this room?
Uh, no way. No way.
- I-I'll call you back.
- I'm leaving, Cookie.
- I gotta go. Gus! Gus!
- See you tonight.
Gus! Gus!
Gus! Gus!
- [Gas Continues Hissing]
- Hello?
- Gus! Gus!
- Is everything all right?
Gus, will you wake...
Gus! Gus!
Wake up, Gus!
[Gas Hissing]
- Gus!
- Joe! Joe, what are you doin'?
- you're sleepwalkin' again, you jerk!
- [Alarm Ringing]
- Gus, our room!
- What?
- that's our room!
- What?
- The map, Gus.
- What?
[Joe] that's our room on fire.
it's our room. it's our room!
The map is gone and everything.
You were sleepwalking!
How did you know I was sleepwalking?
- You weren't fishing.
You were sleepwalking.
- Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, valet!
We gotta get outta here.
- Get our car for us.
- A blue Barracuda,' 68 Plymouth.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Hurry up!
- Go, go, go, go.
- don't worry about the fire.
- They'll fix it.
- Yeah.
- What are you doing?
- Leave the girls a note.
Yeah, okay, that's good.
Tell them we're gonna meet' em
at Snickerson's Landing.
- How many K's in Snickerson's?
- Just one, Joe.
- Yeah, yeah.
- there's a shack around
there too, right?
- Yeah. Yeah.
- They should know about the shack.
- [Sirens Wailing]
- Give this note to the girls
in the El Camino, remember?
- Rita and Angie. I'll give you
a big tip when I come back.
- Come on, Joe!
- Okay, I'm coming.
- you're leaving' em again?
- Yeah. Hey, ex cuse me.
- [Woman Screams]
- [Sirens Wailing,
Dogs Barking]
- [Sobbing]
Joe, all that starin'
at the map before dinner...
and all you remember
is Snickerson's?
Hey, Gus, it was
a complicated map.
Your memory' s so bad
it's amazing.
I'll tell you what's amazing,
Gus. L-it's how you walk around
while you're sleepin'.
- that's amazing.
- Well, just try to remember
the map, okay?
I'm sorry if I don't have
a photographic memory, Gus.
- You don't even have a memory.
- You wanna talk about memories?
Do you recall settin'
a hotel room on fire?
For Rita and her mother,
just try to remember the map.
Okay? Think.
- Well, what?
- I'm tryin'.
- Give me a chance.
- Okay.
I can't remember nothing.
let's just go home.
No, we're gonna find
the money.
No, I'll tell you
where we're going. We are going...
- [Engine Sputtering]
- Nowhere.
[Engine Sputters, Stalls]
[Air Escapes]
It could be worse, Joe.
- What?
- It could be worse.
Hey, Gus, please don't say that, okay?
' Cause it can't get any worse.
I mean, I'm so sick of,
like, every time that we...
we get in trouble,
if something goes bad, we think
of, like, worse situations
just so we could say,
"You know, this ain't so bad.
It could be a lot worse."
- All I said...
- Hey, Gus, the truth is,
it can't get any worse.
- [Thunderclap]
- [Gasps, Shudders]
Hey, Joe!
- Joe?
- [Joe Mutters]
- Hey, Joe?
- [Mutters]
L-It just got worse, Gus.
- What?
- You saw the lightning.
You know what happens.
Joe, what are the chances
of you gettin' hit
by lightning again?
Hey, Gus, what were the odds
the first time I got hit?
And what about the odds
the second time I got hit?
Hey, Joe, if I could fix the car,
I' d do it myself.
Besides, that's the worst
place you could be is behind a tree.
Yeah, you see?
I mean, I can't... I can't
fix the Barracuda, man.
So let's just fix the Barracuda
and go find the money, all right?
Hey, come on, here.
I me... Oh, come on, Joe,
don't be silly.
Hey, Gus, I'm trying to be intelligent
about this, you know?
What do you mean, intelligent?
you're being silly, man.
Nothing' s gonna happen!
What do you mean, intelligent?
you're being silly, man.
Nothing' s gonna happen!
Hey, Gus, it hurts
to get hit by lightning. You
don't know what it feels like.
Hey, Joe, watch. Uh, look.
Hey... hit me!
Hit me! You see?
Right here. See?
See what I mean?
Hey, here I am!
You got a free shot!
Take it! Right here! Hit me!
See wha...
See what I mean, Joe?
Yeah, it's a little silly.
Here, here, here.
let's go fix the car.
There. See?
Whoo. Whoo!
- [Screams]
- Hey, Joe!
Joe! Joe?
Joe, talk to me. Joe, talk to me.
Joe, l-I didn't mean
to talk you into doin' it, Joe.
I should' ve listened to you!
I said nothing' s gonna happen,
and it happened.
[Crying] A-A-All the little guy
wanted to do was go fishin'.
Is that askin' too much?
ain't nothin' wrong
with that, is there?
Oh, he's a...
he's a good guy.
I mean, he's a good guy.
The best.
Joe, we all love ya.
[Muttering, Whimpering]
Joe, Joe, Joe.
Hey, Gus,
I remember the map.
Snickerson's Airboat Rentals.
Left, right, right,
left, left, right, right.
Channel number 27,
11 paces to the big tree
underneath the water nest.
that's where the treasure lies,
where Mad Maggie rests.
- Hey, we're gonna be rich!
- we're gonna be rich!
[Both Continue]
we're gonna be rich.
we're gonna be rich.
He was not there, and
they don't want to talk to me.
- What happened here?
- A fire.
I can see it was a fire.
How did it start?
- Two guys from up north
blew up their room.
- You don't say?
One tall, one short,
in a blue car?
Yes. Yeah. I, uh...
I wait on the tables
for the tall and the small one.
They say
where they were going?
The tall one,
he come to me and he said...
He showed me a map,
and he want to know
where was Snickerson's.
- Airboats. Gotcha.
- So l... So l...
If you see them,
you tell them...
that I love them very much
and I want to see them again...
- and that they're very nice,
very attractive boys.
- [Shutter Clicks]
You sure we're going the right way?
Yeah, there's the arch, Gus.
We gotta go under that arch
and turn right, Gus.
- We should be able to see the
island once we get past this.
- Oh, yeah?
- what's the next landmark?
- We gotta go right,
and then there's twin trees.
I can't wait
to get there.
- Sure scary in here, Gus.
- Yeah.
- what's that?
that's a log over there?
- that's only a log.
- Oh, okay. Here.
- it's only a log.
- We goin' through the arch?
- Go through this arch, then go right.
Straight through there, Gus.
that's it!
- Straight, Gus.
- we're on our way, Joe.
it's a lot of work,
but it's gonna be worth it, Gus.
I-it's the palm tree
with nothin' on it.
We make a left here
and then there's a tree
with a flower on it, Gus.
that's it. Hey, look!
there's a tree with a flower
on it. that's it.
- that's a pretty flower.
- that's it.
And there's the cave, Gus.
It just said watch out for Mad Maggie.
Who's Mad Maggie?
It was just something
on the map, probably
to keep people away.
Mad Maggie.
Keep them away, yeah.
- Come on, Gus.
- All right.
we're gonna be rich.
that's the cave, huh?
- that's it, Gus.
- Yeah.
- I remembered everything.
I can't believe it.
- Well, this is the cave.
- The cave is inside.
This is the hole, though.
- This is the hole, that's right.
- Yeah. it's kind of dark
in there, Joe.
- I got a light for you, Gus.
- For me?
- Well, I figured you
should go in first, Gus.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- Because I know I can fit in this hole,
- but we want to make sure
you get in here.
- Yeah, that's right.
- Right?
- you're not scared, are you, Joe?
- No. Hey, Gus, I'll go.
- Oh, no, that's all right.
I know you're not.
-' Cause I'm not scared, Gus.
- Okay. You just watch out.
- I just want to get the money.
- Yeah, okay.
- All right?
- The jewels are right in there.
- I wonder what this
Mad Maggie stuff is about.
- What?
Nothing, nothing. Okay.
- Easy now.
- Here it... How' s that, Gus?
[Gus] it's hard to see.
Joe, over here in front of me.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah, my eyesight gets bad
when I get in close places.
- What you see?
- I don't see nothing, Gus.
- It stinks in here, doesn't it?
- It ain't me.
It smells
like rotten meat.
Hey, Gus. there's
something back there, Gus.
- Look at this. See that?
- Yeah, I see it.
- L-it's a case.
- Yeah.
This is it.
Hold this, Gus.
You got it?
- Oh, be careful.
- I got it.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
- Holy smokes!
- that's it, Joe!
- Holy smokes!
Hey, we're gonna be rich, Gus.
- Yeah.
- We get 100, 000, right?
- We get $100, 000,Joe.
let's get it outta here.
we're gonna be rich.
- We did it, Gus. We did it.
- [Hissing]
- What are you shushing me for?
- I didn't shush you, Joe.
Come on. let's go.
- You didn't shush me?
- No, I didn't shush you.
[Hissing Continues]
[Both Whining]
Mad Maggie!
- [Growling]
- [Both Screaming]
- [Shouting]
- Let go of it!
Watch it, Gus! Gus!
What the heck are you doin'?
I can get it, Joe.
I can get it.
- Gus, what are you doing?
Are you crazy?
- H-Hey, pull!
Get it out!
Pull harder, Joe!
you're crazy, Gus!
[Screams, Grunts]
I got it, Joe!
What do I do now, Joe?
Hey, Gus, be careful!
Let it go.
Spin him around, Gus.
I'll kick him in the nuts.
he's a she, Joe.
She ain't got no nuts.
Get her, Joe, get her!
Harder, harder, Joe, harder!
- Come on, Gus!
- let's get outta here.
- Holy smokes! Look at that, Gus.
- We did it, Joe.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
You know, Gus, there's a lot
of family heirlooms here.
Those poor people.
that's not nice.
- Yeah, a lot of"hairlooms"
in there, yeah.
- Yeah.
W-we're gonna get
reward money, anyway.
- we're gonna be rich.
- Yeah, and famous.
- Oh, really?
- [Gasps]
- Now, move!
- Yeah.
- Move!
- Okay, I'm movin'. I'm movin'.
I'm moving.
- what's he doing, Joe?
- I don't know, Gus.
Rugby-playing jerk.
I' d like to get him on a football team.
- Now push.
- What? What?
- Just push the car!
- Hey!
I've wasted a lot of time
looking for you two.
Now, you do what I say.
Gus, it's all right, Gus.
it's all right. don't...
don't get in trouble, Gus.
- Bet he can't play no football.
- Push the car!
- I just can't.
- Push the car!
- He said he's gonna push!
- Do you want me to put
a bullet through his head?
- No, he's gonna push.
- Do it now.
- Push, Joe.
- Gus, I can't.
- I know.
- He scared me.
I know, Joe.
it's tough, man. it's tough.
- Oh, Gus.
- it's tough.
My car, Gus.
You'll get
another one, Joe.
You two wouldn't understand.
I really deserve that money.
I made those women feel
like somebody really
loved them, you know?
Believe me, it wasn't easy.
I deserve every penny.
So you just sit there...
and think about me
going off to a life
of wealth and luxury...
while you've only got your
dreary little poverty-stricken
lives to go back to.
But I'm sure you'll enjoy
spending Thanksgiving
here together.
Oh, what? Have I ruined your plans
for the holidays?
Oh, I am so sorry.
You think you're so big.
A big tough guy
picking on women.
- You go rob women.
- Hey, Joe.
Beat up on them
and kill them and stuff.
- Shut up, Joe.
- I'm not scared of him, Gus.
it's who he is.
You want to fight everybody.
Why don't you join the army
if you want to fight?
Gojoin the Marines,
fiight with them.
See how tough you are.
- Hey, Joe, don't make him mad.
- He made us push my car
in that swamp.
Thanks a lot,
creep, creep, creep, creep.
- you're a creep. Creep, creep.
- Yeah. Joe!
Creep, creep...
J-J-Joe! Tell him you're sorry, Joe.
H-H-He didn't mean it.
don't hurt him.
Joe, tell him you're sorry.
you're hurting him.
Tell him you didn't mean it, Joe.
you're hurting him.
he's sorry. He said he's sorry.
- [Gasping]
- Joe! you're gonna kill him!
Joe! don't kill him!
- Joe.
- You know, for an insignificant,
ignorant little man...
you've got
a really big mouth.
Now shut it.
You all right, Joe?
Joe, I hate that guy.
I' d love to stay
and chat with you, but, uh,
I've got a plane to catch.
You know, you two should
really grow up. you've got
children of your own, you know?
Now that is
a really scary thought.
I could kill you now,
but it's not worth it.
The alligators
will probably get you.
[Engine Starts]
[Birds Squawking]
- Big tough guy when we're
tied up, huh, Gus?
- Yeah. Yeah.
- When we can't do nothing.
- I know.
- Lucky we were tied, right, Gus?
- Yeah, it's lucky we were tied.
what's wrong with us
anyway, Gus?
W-We work hard.
We've got great families...
and kids
and beautiful wives.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- We work hard. We go to church.
- All we like to do is fish.
We don't bother nobody.
- Yeah, we're lucky, Joe.
- Why does everything
go wrong around us?
-' Cause we're lucky, Joe.
- we're lucky?
- Yeah, you said it all, Joe.
We got great families.
We got kids. Our wives love us.
You know?
We go to church. We work hard.
- All we do is want to go fishin'.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- I never thought of it like that.
- Yeah, but that's...
- We are lucky, huh, Gus?
- we're lucky. we're lucky.
- Yeah.
We can't help it if everything
goes wrong around us.
- Yeah. Yeah, it ain't our fault.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- [Boat Approaching]
- Hey, Gus, do you think
he's coming back?
- No.
It sounds like somebody' s
gonna rescue us, Joe.
- Hey, you remember
that movie Deliverance?
- # [Banjo]
Sounds like those guys.
I don't wanna squeal
like a pig.
- I don't wanna squeal
like a pig, either.
- [Sobbing]
- Hey!
- Gus!
You know who
I think it is, Gus?
Yeah, it's
Catch Pooler, Joe.
it's him.
I can't believe it.
- Oh, it's Catch Pooler.
- Yeah, that's Catch.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Hey, Catch.
- Catch, yeah.
- [Laughs]
- I saw that guy bring ya in.
- Yeah.
Are you all right?
- See that, Gus?
- Yeah, I saw it.
- He untied a triple shambo
with one hand.
- One hand. that's Catch.
- You know that's Catch.
- I know that's Catch.
- You know that's Catch.
Hey, Catch, Joe Waters.
- Joe.
- I'm Gus Green.
- Gus.
We won your contest, you know?
"Why you want to fish
in the Everglades?"
Yes, sir, I know that.
- [Together] He knows.
- But remember...
- Yeah?
- don't ever forget:
The canary sings,
but the eagle flies.
- The canary sings.
- The canary sings.
- The eagle flies.
- The eagle flies.
- Hmm, there must be
some hidden meaning there, Gus.
- Yeah, that's...
- Right?
- Yeah.
Hey, Catch,
see my car over there?
- Yeah.
- This guy' s so mean.
He made us push my car
in the water. We really
wanna get this guy.
- He said he's gonna take a plane.
he's gotta catch a plane.
- Yeah.
Well, there's no airport
around here for miles.
- there's not?
- We don't know what to do.
Hey, Catch,
we gotta catch him.
- We don't hate nobody, Catch.
- No.
- This guy' s real mean.
- Yeah.
- He took money andjewels
from old women.
- Yeah.
- And he killed one!
- He killed one.
- Catch, he tried to kill me and Joe!
- He tried to kill us.
- Yeah.
- We really... We really
want this guy, Catch.
- Yeah.
- You will catch him, Joe.
- We will?
- Gus, you will catch him.
- We will?
- Remember... the hands.
- The hands.
- The hands.
it's in the hands.
- it's in the hands.
- it's in the hands.
And be the one
you want to catch.
- Be the one you wanna catch.
- Be the one you wanna catch.
And flick... and dip.
- And flick and dip.
- And flick and dip.
- And flick and dip.
- And flick and dip.
- And flick and dip.
- And flick and dip.
- Flick and dip.
- Flick and dip.
- And flick and dip.
- And flick and dip.
- And flick and...
- And flick and...
He-Hey, Gus, he's gone!
Hey, Catch!
- So long, Catch!
- Catch!
- What a guy, huh?
- Oh, C-Catch.
Gus, what are we gonna do?
He said there's no airport around here.
- How are we gonna catch this guy?
- Yeah.
[Airplane Approaching]
- A seaplane!
- A seaplane!
- He knew!
- He knew!
- Hey, Gus! Help me
get the airboat, Gus!
- Hey... He-Hey!
- We gotta follow that plane.
- Hey, Joe, h-h-how do you know
that's a seaplane?
- that's it! it's gotta be!
- [Muttering]
- Joe, what are you doing?
- We'll take this boat.
We'll follow the plane.
- Gus, we'll get that guy.
- J-Joe, we don't even know
if that was the plane.
it's a seaplane! Come on,
Gus, you know he was right.
that's the plane!
- We'll follow it.
- Yeah, I know he knew.
I know he knew! I know that!
- So, let's go!
- Joe, we can't even drive the boat.
- I'll drive it, Gus.
- Oh, Joe!
Gus, this guy wrecked our boat.
Look what he did to my car!
Hey, Gus, he tried to kill us.
He embarrassed me, Gus.
I don't know about you,
but he made me cry. I don't
feel much like a man, Gus.
I thought you would
want to help me.
Okay for you, Gus.
Oh! Come on, Joe, I'll drive.
[Both Screaming]
[Screaming Continues]
Hey, look!
I got the hang of it.
[Screaming Continues]
- I got it! I got it! [Laughing]
- You got it now.
Gus, look!
There he is! Look!
We got him now, Joe!
Hey, you wanna drive?
We got you, creep!
No matter which side,
we're gonna get ya.
Gonna get you now!
Gonna get ya!
Watch out!
[Horn Honking,
Tires Screeching]
I'll get us
out of this, Joe!
- What does this look like to you?
- Swigging bones.
- No, "S."
- Swigging bones. what's that?
There they are!
The girls!
The girls, Gus. Hey,
I don't think they saw us.
Hey, we're chasing Dekker!
- H-H-Hey, Joe!
- what's he doing?
- Drive across!
- [Horns Honking]
- Faster, Gus!
- I'm goin' as fast as I can!
You wanna drive?
- Give me that! I'll drive!
- No, let me drive!
[Mutters, Spits]
- We gotta go around him, Gus!
- I know, I know!
- Faster. On the left!
- See, I'm going faster, Joe!
Around, Gus!
he's gettin' away!
he's gettin' away!
Grab the pole, Joe!
Remember: Flick, dip.
- I got him, Gus!
- Whooo!
- I got him, Gus!
- You got him!
Reel him in, Joe!
- Now pull him in!
- [Screams]
- [Cheering]
- [Screaming]
What do you have to say
for yourself, Dekker?
How does it feel
to be going tojail?
I'm not talking to you
or anybody about anything.
Hey, you got any
Hey, Joe, he's got a uniform.
Give him the bag.
- Joe!
- [Squealing]
- [Angie] Hey, you look so good.
- [Chattering]
Thank you so much.
- I told you we' d catch him.
- Oh, that was great.
That was so great. That was so great.
I couldn't believe it.
I mean, when you hit the highway...
kind of like...
- I left a note for you.
- What did it say?
- Snickerson's.
- Yeah.
- Snickerson's.
- Snickerson's. We looked for you.
Yeah,' cause the room blew up,
and I didn't know if we' d see you again.
I know. What was that about?
That was so scary.
- Gus was sleepwalking again.
- Again?
[Woman] WIN TV. we're set up
for your interview now.
- Oh, we have to do an interview.
- Oh, okay.
You didn't have to tell' em
I was sleepwalking.
- We were out looking for this guy...
- We... Well, she...
- Those guys were so great.
They did everything for us.
- They were so wonderful...
- If it wasn't for them,
you know, this guy...
- They were wonderful.
- He deserves to go in jail
' cause he's hurt so many people.
- Yeah, it's true.
This is Deana Bernini
in Florida...
with Gus Green
and Joe Waters,
who helped capture
Dekker Massey,
the bigamist murderer,
and uncover the $2-1/2 million
in cash and jewels...
- [Chattering]
- Stolen from his unsuspecting wives.
An incredible story
of the human spirit.
- Gentlemen?
- Yeah?
- Your car was stolen.
- Right.
- You had to steal it back.
- [Joe And Gus] Yeah.
- You were almost shot.
- Yeah.
- that's... Yeah.
- At any point were you two scared?
- Nope.
- Oh, no, no.
- Well, a little bit.
- Yeah, a little bit.
- Just a little bit.
- Not too much.
Well, after all of this,
what's the best part?
- Uh, we caught him.
- Yeah, capturing him.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Capturing him, yeah.
Did you get an insight
into the workings of Massey' s mind?
Th-This guy
was a very bad man.
- Not a nice person.
- Yeah, yeah. He wasn't nice at all.
- Everything he did
to those women and all...
- Wow.
- And he tried to kill both of us.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- I went at him, you know?
He met his match with me.
- Yeah, he sure did.
- Right, Gus?
- With both of us, yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.
Well, after all of this,
how does it feel...
to be the recipients
of our $100, 000 reward?
- Are you kidding?
that's the best part.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Where's the money?
- Yeah.
- When do we get the money?
- Yeah.
- When do we get the money?
- Yeah.
You know, Joe,
after we pay
for the Ranger 250C,
replace our boat,
fix the Barracuda...
- Joe, do me a favor.
- Yeah, Gus, I' d do anything for you.
- You know that.
- I know that.
Stop smoking.
L-l-I want you to stop smoking.
For me, your wife,
your family, everybody.
We love you, man.
- Okay?
- Okay, Gus.
- All right.
- Eh-eh-eh!
Did you forget?
[Both Laughing]
Yeah, pay for the resort fire,
our gear, food, clothing,
flight home...
we have a grand total
of $42 profit.
Yeah, at least we
made it home on time, Gus.
to the wife and family.
- They were happy about that.
- [Laughs]
- You know what's great, Gus?
- What, Joe?
After being here, you realize
you don't have to go far away
to live the good life.
You sure do. You realize, it's right
in your own backyard, Joe.
- that's right. I love it.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Hey, Gus, you know what we should do?
- What?
let's do like we used
to do in the old days and take a dip.
- it's cold, Joe.
- Yeah.
What about
that Polar Bear Club in Coney Island?
Those guys go in the water
in freezing weather.
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
l-I heard about that. it's good
for your heart and everything.
- Want to try?
- I'll do it if you do it.
- I'll do it if you do it.
- Just a quick dip.
A quick dip.
- Hey, Gus, this is gonna be great.
- Yeah, it's gonna be a ten, Joe.
- Ten plus.
- Hey...
Borderline 11!
[Both Laughing]
- Hey, Gus, what are you
shushing me for?
- I ain't shushing you, Joe.
- You didn't shush me?
- No. You didn't shush me, did you?
- You didn't shush me?
- No. You didn't shush me, did you?
# There's a boat race
down the river #
# There's a slow boat
on my mind #
# Everybody's goin' like crazy #
# I'm takin' my own sweet time #
# I'll drift down
the Big Shark River #
# Take a boat ride on the bay #
# Just tryin' to find
a little peace of mind #
# Down in the Everglades #
# There ain't
gonna be no hurry #
# There ain't
gonna be no rush #
#Just lazy style
like a crocodile #
# Playin' in
the mangrove brush #
# And I'll float on
down the river #
# And let the speedboats
speed away #
# I'll drift around
makin' gator sounds #
# Down in the Everglades #
# While the big crowd
down the river #
# Is gettin' drunk
on sea grape wine #
# I'm gettin' high
watchin' eagles fly #
# Havin' myself a time #
# I whet my whistle
every now and then #
# With a sip of cool Gatorade #
# Watch the sun go down
and let the world go around #
# Down in the Everglades #
# There ain't
gonna be no hurry #
# There ain't
gonna be no rush #
# Just a lazy style
like a crocodile #
# Playin' in
the mangrove brush #
# And I'll float on
down the river #
# And let the speedboats
speed away #
# I'll drift around
makin' gator sounds #
# Down in the Everglades #
# I'll drift around
makin' gator sounds #
# Down in the Everglades ##