Gonks Go Beat (1964) Movie Script
1
Planetarians and Metorianes,
I have summoned this special
meeting of Space Congress
because once again we are having trouble
on Planet Earth.
Earth, which planet
is that, oh Great One?
For the benefit of those who
are not familiar with this sector,
Planet Earth has its orbit
cycle in Outer Galaxy Four.
The Earthlings on two islands,
Beatland and Baladisle
are again in conflict.
It is essential that we resolve
this dispute immediately,
otherwise it could lead to a
further intergalactic upheaval.
Yalda, yalda.
Yalda.
It is agreed then, that we delegate
a Metorian Ambassador to visit Earth
and resolve this conflict?
Dagreeably, dagreebly, dagreebly.
Thank you,
Planetarians and Metorians,
I knew you would share my views.
I have instructed the space
committee of the Milky Way
who are even now preparing a list
of all the inter-planetary ambassadors.
The Ambassador
from Southern Space.
Oh great Galaxian, it's my sad duty
to report that the only
Metorian Ambassador
not at present on space leave
or project is Wilco Roger.
Wilco Roger?
Oh no!
He is the only one, are you sure?
Yes sir, oh Great
One, he's the only one.
Oh no, it must be a mistake.
Run a double check immediately.
We've already trebled-checked.
Why shucks, oh G-O,
when Wilco Roger's name
came out of the personnel computer,
we had the robots
double-check the machines.
You did?
We did.
Why we even double-checked the robots.
You did?
I mean you did?
Well, let me see his record card.
What a disastrous record.
Reprimanded for keeping
goldfish in his space helmet.
Reduced to the ranks for
running pleasure flights
for children in his duty spaceship.
Disgraceful.
And there was the occasion
when he fell in love
with the three-headed
Vonusian beauty queen.
Yes, well, we won't go
into that particular case
at the moment.
I have never come across a worse record.
How, how can we send a man like this
on such an important mission?
It is true, oh Great Galaxian
that Wilco Roger has caused us
more than his fair share of trouble,
but as the situation is desperate,
should we not give him one more change?
Hmm, well, it's against my
better judgement, mind you,
but one last chance then, agreed?
Dagreebly.
- Dagreebly.
- But,
let it be understood
that failure this time
means exile, exile on Planet Gonk.
Metorian
ambassador Wilco Roger to report
to Central Space Headquarters,
immediately, immediately.
You sent for me, oh great Galaxian?
Wilco Roger, you have fallen far
below the universal standards required
for Metorian Ambassadors.
You have stumbled and bungled your way
through every assignment
on all previous projects
allocated to you.
But, but, but...
- But?
- But...
But, I have decided
to give you one final
chance to redeem yourself.
I promise that I will
not fail you this time,
- oh Great One.
- Don't interrupt.
But you are a great one.
Don't interrupt.
You will proceed to Planet Earth
to settle a dispute which has arisen
between the communities of
Beatland and Balladisle.
Oh no, not that.
Not down there amongst all those madmen.
Oh Wilco, it's Earth or Planet Gonk.
Oh no, sir, not Planet Gonk.
I always said those Earthlings
were very nice people.
A wonderfully cultured race, too.
It's a great, great honour, sir.
I'm proud to be entrusted
with such an important
mission, oh Great One.
Well, I'd better be off then.
Wilco, your instructions.
I am sorry, oh Great One.
It is your duty to see
that these two communities
are brought rapidly to
an amicable agreement.
It is imperative that they
live in complete harmony.
Yes, I understand.
I hope so, Wilco, for your sake.
I must also warn you that
you are not at liberty
to use the super-extra-planetary powers
entrusted to our people.
No miracles, oh Great One?
Wilco, remember this
is your last chance.
Your powers are forbidden you,
except in the gravest emergency
such as to conceal you identity.
The inhabitants of these two islands
must reach agreement naturally,
completely of their own free will.
Those instructions must
be rigidly adhered to
or there will be dire consequences.
Now Wilco, blast off!
Oh, Beatland, good.
Earth instructions.
Good.
On arrival in Beatland.
Exchange space clothing for earth gear.
Oh good, that's more like it.
Ooh, well what a strange garb.
Earth gear.
Well, I never.
I feel a right pixie in this.
Cool.
Now, if you will turn to page 24
in your beat books,
we'll try a run-through.
Ready?
One, two, one, two, three, four.
Harmonica.
Quiet, quiet!
All right, all right.
Now, let's tear it up.
You're just not with it yet.
Now, what's the matter with you?
Who me, sir?
How many times have I told you,
turn up your amplifier?
Next time I want to hear
those big, big sounds
that bring the coconuts down.
Really blast it and let
those Balladisle squares
across the water hear it.
Dig?
Dig, sir, dig.
Dig.
It's the same with you, Ginger,
you're not playing in a chamber quartet.
This is beat.
Don't worry about splitting your skins,
they can be replaced.
And so can you.
And as for you, Beau Brummel Bond.
Who me, sir?
Yes, you.
Your diction's nearly
as sharp as your cloths.
I distinctly understood three
words in the second chorus.
How many times have I told you,
mumble man, mumble, mumble.
Why don't you pull those shades down
around your mouth and see if that helps.
Now.
Hey you.
You boy, there.
Why aren't you at band practise?
Me, you mean me?
Of course I mean you.
I'm not in the habit of
talking to palm trees.
I'm sorry.
I was just going.
I can't stop now.
Did he say going?
No, that's what I call gone.
Real gone.
Ooh, that was close.
Now where am I?
Balladisle.
Oh yes, it's much more
restful here than Beatland.
Ooh, I better go and see what's happening.
A Beatlander.
Come on, fellows, grab him.
Quick over here, there he goes, come on.
Come on quickly, come on.
Quick over here.
Quick there he goes.
Over here, quick fellas.
Over this way, come on.
Quickly, there he goes.
Where'd he go?
Now I don't see him.
Restful indeed.
I'd better jettison this gear.
Please change the clobber.
Ooh yes.
Oh yes, this is much more in keeping.
Oh yes, yes, now that
was much better, wasn't it?
In fact, just wonderful.
Oh, but Lance.
That was perhaps just a little
too heavy on the keyboard.
You will watch that next time, won't you?
You know, you really must
get a haircut, Derek.
You're beginning to look
like someone from Beatland.
If it gets much longer,
people will be mistaking
you for Brigitte Bardot.
Yes ma'am.
Oh well, no.
Perhaps you've a bit to go
yet before that happens.
Now we mustn't forget the lilt, Elain.
It's oh yeah, oh yeah,
a sweetly and gently, sweetly and gently.
Well now, that seems to be all for today.
Pack your instruments and
don't forget your homework.
Off you go.
Hmm, where do we go from here?
Hey, Alan.
You know it's less than a week now
to the Golden Guitar contest?
Hey, how about sneaking
over to Recording Mountain
and finding out what sounds Mr. A&R
is looking for this year?
What?
Man, you wouldn't catch me
anywhere near that place
without an invitation,
not even if you got me
in the top 10.
Yeah, I suppose you're right.
Anyway, old A&R is bound to spot us
as soon as we set foot in Echo Chamber
and that means no
contest for us this year.
This might be a lead.
Yes, oh I'll just pop over
and see this A&R chap,
he might solve my problems.
All right, Wilco, here we go.
Blast off.
Who dares to enter
the Echo Chamber of A&R?
Name of Wilco Roger, sir.
I've come to ask your help.
In that case,
welcome my boy, welcome.
Well don't just stand there, come forward
and let's have a look at you.
Up here, my lad, up here.
That will do.
Are you Mr. A&R?
I am indeed he.
You must excuse me for asking
but I am a stranger here, you see.
It's a very unusual name you have,
has it any special significance?
Well it so happens
that I am the sole survivor
of a race of people
who used to be employed
throughout the world by businesses
known as recording companies.
We were officially called
Artist and Repertoire Managers,
or A&R men for short.
Alas, most of the traditions associated
with that profession
have long since died out
but I still keep my hand in
by writing the odd B side
of a record, you know.
Oh, I see, how very
interesting.
Yes quite.
Now then, what can I do for you?
Well, I've been sent here
by the Space Congress of the Universe
to settle this dispute between
the Balladisle and Beatland.
It seems that they cannot,
musically, live together
and I was wondering
if you could possibly put me
into the picture as to causes.
Ah, I thought I hadn't
seen you around here before.
It's quite possible, I
haven't been here before.
Well basically,
the argument arises
because as you say, they both prefer
different types of music.
On Beatland it's all wild
and swinging beat stuff,
while Balladisle prefers
the softer, swaying music.
Hmm, well it all seems
simple enough to me.
That's true, what did
you say your name was again?
Uh, Wilco, sir, Wilco Roger.
That's an unusual name, Wilco.
I used to know a fellow named Roger once,
he was a very strange sort of chap.
Excuse me, sir,
if you would just tell me about
the dispute on the islands.
Ah yes, gaze into the Golden Disc
and I will show you the scene on Beatland.
Just listen to the soft wind
blowing through the trees,
The gentle twittering of
the birds filling the air.
Just listen to those
idyllic sounds, my boy,
as you gaze into the Golden Disc.
Those were Beatland boys rehearsing
for the Golden Guitar contest.
Rehearsing?
What must it be like when
they have a performance?
The Golden Guitar contest?
Once a year, the top
groups from each island
compete for a golden guitar
and this is the one time
of the year that I reveal my face,
however considering who sent you, my lad,
I feel that I ought to break my rule.
You needn't have bothered.
Really.
Now then, about this contest.
Whichever group wins,
also gets a world tour,
culminating in a starring performance
on Sunday night at the London Pallodium,
an old-fashioned television type show.
Oh, swinging.
Unfortunately, this
is another major cause
of the trouble.
Dodgy.
It is indeed.
Hmm, well I must say, all seems to me
to be a perfectly wonderful thing
to happen to anybody.
It's wonderful indeed for the winners,
but the losers have all their instruments
and equipment confiscated
until eight weeks
before the next contest.
What a carve-up.
I couldn't agree more with you, my boy,
as a matter of fact, I've
declared the contest a draw
for the past three years
to try to keep some order,
but this only seems to
make them even more bitter.
Oh yes, it does indeed,
they're quite bitter.
I've been down amongst
them just for a brief spell
and they're very bitter about it.
They think it's a right cheat, you know,
like having their instruments
taken away from them, you see?
How are they going to be able to rehearse
to win the contest, it impossible,
but I must admit I
thoroughly concur with them.
There you are, you see my problem.
Oh indeed.
It all looks quite hopeless, doesn't it?
I'm afraid it's Planet
Gonk for me after all.
Planet Gonk?
What on earth is that?
Oh, Mr. A&R, it's like nothing on earth.
It's completely out of this world.
It's the Siberia of outer space.
There, there, my boy, don't cry.
Excuse me, boy, shouldn't
you be dabbing your eyes?
Oh no,
everything's quite
different where I come from.
I see what you mean, yes.
Well now,
Where were we?
Oh yes, let's take a look
at Balladisle, shall we?
You'll notice that most
of their rehearsals
take place at night because
they've been troubled
with a lot of spies
from Beatland recently.
It's all most distressing.
Now, gaze into the Golden Disc.
Here we go again.
Well, there you are.
You've seen both sides in action.
It's quite a problem, isn't it?
Hmm, what a mess.
How are we ever going
to get them together?
Wait a moment, I think I've got an idea.
Yes.
On my trip to Earth I
had a computer run-down
on the history of this planet.
It told me that there was
a famous writer of yours
from the past, what was
his name, Shake, Shake.
Shakespeare?
He shook something or other.
Shakespeare, yes, that was it.
How does he get into this movie?
Ah, he doesn't, not Shakespeare himself,
it was his story, what was it now,
it was called,
Romeo and Juliet.
Yes.
Let us try the old angle, boy meets girl.
Love, oh,
love conquers all, yes?
Now have you a couple of
reasonably minded kids
who might fit these parts?
I think you might have
something there, Wilco.
I think I know the ideal couple,
they're just made for each
other and great singers, too.
Come along, let's have a look, shall we?
Gaze into the Golden Disc.
When we get ashore, we separate.
Les and Bob, you take the west side.
We'll take the centre.
What's the plan, Steve?
Get as many of their new
sounds as possible on tape.
Kodak all the equipment in sight,
and don't forget the sheet music,
if you can get close enough.
What happens if we hit trouble?
Three blasts on the whistle,
then head back for the boats, all clear?
All clear.
Right, synchronise your watches.
Okay, let's go.
Hold it, it's a patrol.
Hey fellows, did you
see those crazy cops?
Oh officer, arrest me please.
All right, all right.
Who said crime doesn't pay?
Okay, okay, now let's get on with it.
Remember, back here in
two hours and be careful.
Okay, let's go.
Yeah, that's great.
Hey, by the way, Kev, according to this,
they're keeping Lulu and
the Lovers right to the end.
Should be a knock-out.
Yeah, you're right there, Alan,
Beatland can't touch that.
Hey Kev, how about going
through those last four
bars of Love is a Dream?
Not quite sure of the finish,
it's a bit off.
Great, Alan, great.
Spies, spies, get him.
Spies.
There he goes, get him.
Quick over here.
Listen to the alarm.
Come on, Steve, come on!
Come on!
Bobby, get back, go, go!
Where's Steve?
He got captured, we'd better get back
to Beatland straight away.
The others have got away.
Well at least we've got one of them.
Better get him to the
night court right away.
And bring along that tape
recorder and camera for evidence.
Come on.
On reflection, don't
you think your sentence
is a trifle severe, Mr. Prime Minister?
Who asked you?
We have heard the evidence
of the arresting officers
and other witnesses to
your despicable conduct.
Such disgraceful
violation of our territory
cannot and will not go unpunished.
Have you anything to say
before I pass sentence?
What can I say, my lord.
I was only doing my duty for Beatland.
That'll be enough out of you.
Now, now let me see,
you're one of Beatland's
leading vocalists, aren't you?
Well I can kill two
birds with one stone here
by punishing you and keeping you out
of the contest at the same time.
I hereby sentence you to
28 days in the Drum Prison.
No!
No!
That's not fair, you haven't
even given him a chance.
Silence, silence!
Any more of this and I'll
have the place cleared.
Won't I?
Yeah.
How could you, father?
That's the most unfair
sentence you've ever given.
We don't have to take advantage
of Beatland in that way.
Silence, Helen!
Just remember this, that
all is fair in love and war,
and I intend to see that we
win this contest this year
at all costs.
But the usual sentence for spying
is only seven days maximum.
That's enough, young lady.
I will not tolerate this
behaviour any longer.
I'll deal with you later.
Take him away.
Thanks very much for trying.
Beatland will walk the contest anyway.
Silence!
Any more out of you and
I'll make it three months.
Go on, get rid of him.
Silence, silence!
Any other business?
No, my lord.
No, my lord.
Oh, might as well pack it in then.
Silence in court, all
rise for His Lordship,
Chief Justice, Prime Minister.
The new prisoner, Drum Master.
What's
that, what did you say?
- Speak up!
- The new prisoner, sir.
Oh you've brought the new prisoner.
Good.
Let's have a look at him.
Stand up straight!
You can throw away those
curlers for a start, my lad.
We'll soon have this
one off in the morning.
And get that muck off
your face right away.
No slovenliness allowed
in my prison, do you hear?
- Yes, sir.
- Don't answer back.
Right, here is your quota for the night,
5,000 paradiddles,
3,000 cymbal clashes,
and 4,000 base drum beats.
Got it?
Right, get on with it.
Prisoner and escort,
about turn, quick march.
Left, right, left, right, left,
step lively and close that door.
I'll liven you up, you dosey man.
Behave yourself.
Get on with it.
Hey, how long have you
been in here, old timer?
Three years, and not
so of the old timer,
if you don't mind, I'm only 23.
It's this place, it gets you, you know.
What did you do, murder somebody?
No, no, much worse than that.
I was caught selling old Beatles
and Presley discs to the kids.
Get a move on in there.
It's not a tea party you're on.
Right, double tempo from now on,
boom, boom, boom-ity, boom.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Look Les, just how are we suppose
to make the Golden Guitar
contest without Steve?
Well don't worry about it,
Bob, we'll manage somehow.
Shall we see if we can manage
the vocals by ourselves?
Okay, let's hit it,
one, two, three, four.
Uncle, uncle, ooh, ooh.
Hello, my dear.
Hello, uncle, I heard
you were working late
so I brought you some supper.
I brought you some wine.
That is kind of you.
Here you are.
And some sandwiches and some fruit.
You really shouldn't have bothered
to come all the way out here.
Well I must admit, I
did hope to have a look
at my group's new drum Kit.
Is it ready for the contest yet?
So that's your game, my girl.
Well I haven't forgotten about it.
As a matter of fact,
I've got the new prisoner
on overtime right now breaking it in.
Looks marvellous.
Do you think it'll be ready in time?
Oh yes, you don't have
to worry about that.
These late nights don't do me any good.
I could sleep for a week.
Good, it worked.
That should keep you quiet for a bit.
- What's the matter?
- Shh, I've come
to get you out of here.
- Quickly.
- I don't understand.
I'll explain it all later, come with me.
Quickly, in here.
We should be safe here for a while.
I suppose I'd better introduce myself,
my name's Helen, yours is Steve, isn't it?
Right first time.
And thanks for getting me out of there.
Why did you do it?
I feel partly responsible
as it was my father who sentenced you.
Your father?
Boy, he's a toughy.
Oh he's not really so bad
when you get to know him.
He's all worked up about the contest
and all the rivalry between the islands
is getting on his nerves, too.
Well I'm with him there,
all this quarrelling amongst ourselves,
it's so unnecessary.
Oh quickly, they must have found uncle.
I put some sleeping powder in his wine.
Now they'll start searching
the whole island for you.
We keep the boats in the trees over there,
come with me, this way.
Where do we go from here?
Well we can't go to Beatland,
they'd arrest me on the spot.
I know, Recording Mountain.
We can't go there, no one is allowed
into Echo Chamber until
the day of the contest.
If we land on the far
side of the mountain
we can make our way to Echo
Chamber without being seen.
Besides, Mr. A&R is bound
to be asleep by this time.
I suppose you're
right, no one will think
of looking for us there.
Come on, let's go.
Isn't it scary, Steve?
Isn't the most cheerful place I've seen.
Come on, sit down.
Chances are Mr. A&R won't
see us even if he's about.
Now what?
Well I suppose we stay
here until the morning
and decide what to do next.
But Mr. A&R will be sure
to find us in the morning.
Well, we'll worry about
that when the time comes.
You know we were talking
about all this trouble
between the islands, there's no reason
why you and I shouldn't get together
and enjoy each other's music.
That would be great.
In fact, I enjoyed quite a
lot of the Beatland music
at the concert last year.
Mind you, I daren't show it.
Well that goes for me, too.
Some of your numbers were great.
There was one in particular,
it was real gear.
Do you remember, it goes like this.
That was great, Steve.
You really know how to handle a ballad.
Thank you kindly, ma'am.
See if you like this.
A one, two, three, four.
Great, you're pretty good yourself.
Do you wanna join my group?
Oh, thanks, now that we've formed
a mutual admiration society,
we better start making plans for tomorrow.
Sorry, I'm so tired.
She didn't even say good night.
Good night.
I don't know whether
either of you're interested
in getting on.
If you're interested in
getting in the Cabinet,
I know of a safe seat, it's not far away.
Prime Minister.
Sir.
Fred.
- Fred.
- How many times
have I told you not to come in here
while I'm chatting up the Cabinet.
When I woke up, Helen was gone.
What are you talking about?
I'm sorry but I didn't have a chance.
About six of them jumped me from behind,
they smashed me on the cymbal,
and knocked me peril from underneath me.
I was knocked unconscious
by the seven of them.
You just said Helen was
there, what happened to her?
Oh I don't know.
When I regained consciousness, both Helen
and the prisoner and the
eight others had gone.
Are you trying to tell
me she's been kidnapped?
Yes, that's it, she's been
kidnapped by all nine of them.
Take your filthy hands off.
We've covered the whole island, sir,
not a sign of them anywhere.
One of the boats is missing,
so it looks as if they'd
escaped to Beatland.
And taken my Helen with them.
Well, they won't get away with it.
I'll teach them a lesson
they won't forget,
this means war!
That's a bit strong, isn't it?
Well of course it's
strong, oh blimey, right.
Check the boats, alert the groups,
make a fresh issue of guitars.
We invade Beatland at dawn.
Off you go, come back
here when you're ready.
Hup.
Alert all
patrols, sound the alarm.
What is it, Steve?
I don't know, I thought
I heard a bugle call.
Good morning, I thought
you'd never wake up.
Come forward, I'd like to talk to you.
We didn't mean any harm, Mr. A&R.
We've run away and this was
the only safe place to hide.
I know, I know.
But don't be afraid, I was
hoping you would come up here.
Oh by the way, I'd like you to
meet my friend, Wilco Roger.
Now then, let's get dow to business.
Wilco and I think we have the answer
to all this feuding between the islands,
but we'll need your help
to make the plan work.
Well you can count on us.
Yes, we'll do anything we can to help.
Good, good, I knew
you'd see it that way.
Now then, this is what we've got to do.
What's that?
Quickly, gaze into the Golden Disc.
Well done.
Hey.
Button up.
Well done.
That's a dirty note, get it cleaned.
Get it cut.
Right.
Once more unto the beach,
dear friends, once more.
And let us teach them how to war.
And you good musicians whose
limbs were made in Balladisle,
show us here the mettle of your posture.
Let us swear that you
are of good breeding,
which I doubt not, for
there are none of you
so mean and base that hath
not noble lustre in the eyes.
I see you like the guitar strings,
finely tuned, straining upon the note.
The baton is down.
Follow your spirit and
upon this charge cry,
Balladisle for Songdom,
Helen, and Prime Minister.
I can't stay here, I've got to go
and see if I can stop them.
Yes, let's get down there right away.
No, not you, you stay
here with Mr. Wilco
and A&R, you'll be safer.
Nonsense, Steve, if you're
going, I'm coming too.
Steve, it'll take both of
you to stop this, now hurry.
Oh, what a mess it's all become.
Yes, I shall have to
go and buy a dictionary,
English into Gonk.
Stop it.
Stop it.
- Stop this madness.
- Steve.
Before it's too late.
Stop!
- Stop it!
- You're spoiling everything.
Helen, Helen, are you all right?
Yes, nevermind me, do something
about stopping this battle.
Stop it?
I want to show Beatland
they can't get away
with what they did to you and your uncle.
They've done nothing,
I drugged uncle's wine
and I helped Steve to escape.
You did what?
You mean to say this is all a mistake?
Yes.
Now please stop this battle
before it's too late.
I'll have something to say to you
when I've straightened out this mess.
Now, go straight home and wait there
until I return, go on!
Go on!
Cease playing.
Cease playing.
That's no excuse, how dare you assume
that we kidnapped your daughter?
Now what do you propose to do
about my brother, Steve, and Helen?
As for as I'm concerned,
I intend to punish her severely.
She will not take part in
the Golden Guitar contest
and I'll make it my business
she will never see Steve again.
Right, that's okay with me,
and as far as Steve and I are concerned,
if we never see you or
your daughter again,
it'll be too soon.
Right, well it's just
as well we had the same,
I feel that you, we've,
uh, ooh good, yuck.
Things couldn't be worse, A&R.
Helen and Steve barred from the contest.
That put an end to our little scheme.
Oh, don't worry, Wilco,
things may not be as bad as they seem.
Oh, but the Great Galaxion,
he'll know that I've failed by this time
and you know what that means to me.
Oh well, try to get some sleep, my boy.
I'm sorry I can't offer you a bed
but I've never had a guest before.
Oh well, good night, Wilco,
perhaps things will look
better in the morning.
Good night, A&R, I hope you're right.
Oh yeah.
Oh I'll get myself a bed.
No wonder he's never had a guest.
I've got the answer.
I'll arrange a little surprise
with A&R at the Golden Guitar
contest in the morning.
Will the next group
take the stage please.
And the next group
to represent Beatland,
Mr. A&R, will be the Nashville Teens.
And they're going to play Poor Boy.
About time for me to
leave now, isn't it?
Yes, you'll be able to slip away
before this group starts playing.
If you are watching, oh Great Galaxian,
this is an emergency.
What kept you?
How did I get here?
I was just standing...
Oh nevermind that now,
we've got work to do.
There is no time for that
old-fashioned nonsense.
Come on.
Are there any more contestants?
No, Mr. A&R, that was our final entry.
We have completed our
programme too, Mr. A&R,
actually I would like
you to of heard a group
I auditioned up north last week.
Joe Soap and his Larvers,
they're just around the back.
Thank you, Mr. Prime Minister.
They've really got the bubble,
they're really with it.
- I could fetch 'em.
- Yes, thank you, thank you.
I would like to take an
unusual step this year.
As the result is again a draw,
I propose to submit my
own entry to the contest,
and you shall be the judges.
It's completely unethical.
If I may say so, Mr. A&R,
this is a trifle irregular.
You're chancing your army
a bit ere, aren't you?
Silence!
Well, it tis known
that we find the groups
and you donate the accolades, isn't it?
Silence!
If I have any further
outbreaks of this nature,
you will both leave the Echo Chamber!
And now, I would like to present my entry
for the Golden Guitar
contest, the Beats Ballad.
Helen and Steve will take the stage,
I will introduce my contest entry.
But what do we play?
You play this.
A hit, a hit, a hit!
Silence.
Silence!
Will both Prime Ministers
step forward, please.
I hereby declare that the two islands
are from this day united,
and that they be known as Musicland,
and all forms of music will be welcome
without prejudice or restriction.
All right, everybody dance.
Play the music.
Well, time for me to
blast off, I'm afraid.
And thank you, Mr. A&R, for saving me
from a fate worse than,
well, you know what.
Delighted to help, my boy,
and I'm only sorry you
can't stay around a while.
Yes, I'd like to stay
here, too, but duty calls.
But I'll be back.
Where are you off to?
Jupiter, Venus?
No, no, I think I'll go to Mars.
Really?
Well I haven't seen the
old lady for some time.
Oh by the way, give my
best to Helen and Steve,
when they get back to Earth, will you?
- I will.
- Thank you.
Well, goodbye Mr. A&R,
I hope we meet again.
Goodbye, my boy, and give my love to Na.
What a groovy lad he is.
Oh, I forgot to present the prizes.
Planetarians and Metorianes,
I have summoned this special
meeting of Space Congress
because once again we are having trouble
on Planet Earth.
Earth, which planet
is that, oh Great One?
For the benefit of those who
are not familiar with this sector,
Planet Earth has its orbit
cycle in Outer Galaxy Four.
The Earthlings on two islands,
Beatland and Baladisle
are again in conflict.
It is essential that we resolve
this dispute immediately,
otherwise it could lead to a
further intergalactic upheaval.
Yalda, yalda.
Yalda.
It is agreed then, that we delegate
a Metorian Ambassador to visit Earth
and resolve this conflict?
Dagreeably, dagreebly, dagreebly.
Thank you,
Planetarians and Metorians,
I knew you would share my views.
I have instructed the space
committee of the Milky Way
who are even now preparing a list
of all the inter-planetary ambassadors.
The Ambassador
from Southern Space.
Oh great Galaxian, it's my sad duty
to report that the only
Metorian Ambassador
not at present on space leave
or project is Wilco Roger.
Wilco Roger?
Oh no!
He is the only one, are you sure?
Yes sir, oh Great
One, he's the only one.
Oh no, it must be a mistake.
Run a double check immediately.
We've already trebled-checked.
Why shucks, oh G-O,
when Wilco Roger's name
came out of the personnel computer,
we had the robots
double-check the machines.
You did?
We did.
Why we even double-checked the robots.
You did?
I mean you did?
Well, let me see his record card.
What a disastrous record.
Reprimanded for keeping
goldfish in his space helmet.
Reduced to the ranks for
running pleasure flights
for children in his duty spaceship.
Disgraceful.
And there was the occasion
when he fell in love
with the three-headed
Vonusian beauty queen.
Yes, well, we won't go
into that particular case
at the moment.
I have never come across a worse record.
How, how can we send a man like this
on such an important mission?
It is true, oh Great Galaxian
that Wilco Roger has caused us
more than his fair share of trouble,
but as the situation is desperate,
should we not give him one more change?
Hmm, well, it's against my
better judgement, mind you,
but one last chance then, agreed?
Dagreebly.
- Dagreebly.
- But,
let it be understood
that failure this time
means exile, exile on Planet Gonk.
Metorian
ambassador Wilco Roger to report
to Central Space Headquarters,
immediately, immediately.
You sent for me, oh great Galaxian?
Wilco Roger, you have fallen far
below the universal standards required
for Metorian Ambassadors.
You have stumbled and bungled your way
through every assignment
on all previous projects
allocated to you.
But, but, but...
- But?
- But...
But, I have decided
to give you one final
chance to redeem yourself.
I promise that I will
not fail you this time,
- oh Great One.
- Don't interrupt.
But you are a great one.
Don't interrupt.
You will proceed to Planet Earth
to settle a dispute which has arisen
between the communities of
Beatland and Balladisle.
Oh no, not that.
Not down there amongst all those madmen.
Oh Wilco, it's Earth or Planet Gonk.
Oh no, sir, not Planet Gonk.
I always said those Earthlings
were very nice people.
A wonderfully cultured race, too.
It's a great, great honour, sir.
I'm proud to be entrusted
with such an important
mission, oh Great One.
Well, I'd better be off then.
Wilco, your instructions.
I am sorry, oh Great One.
It is your duty to see
that these two communities
are brought rapidly to
an amicable agreement.
It is imperative that they
live in complete harmony.
Yes, I understand.
I hope so, Wilco, for your sake.
I must also warn you that
you are not at liberty
to use the super-extra-planetary powers
entrusted to our people.
No miracles, oh Great One?
Wilco, remember this
is your last chance.
Your powers are forbidden you,
except in the gravest emergency
such as to conceal you identity.
The inhabitants of these two islands
must reach agreement naturally,
completely of their own free will.
Those instructions must
be rigidly adhered to
or there will be dire consequences.
Now Wilco, blast off!
Oh, Beatland, good.
Earth instructions.
Good.
On arrival in Beatland.
Exchange space clothing for earth gear.
Oh good, that's more like it.
Ooh, well what a strange garb.
Earth gear.
Well, I never.
I feel a right pixie in this.
Cool.
Now, if you will turn to page 24
in your beat books,
we'll try a run-through.
Ready?
One, two, one, two, three, four.
Harmonica.
Quiet, quiet!
All right, all right.
Now, let's tear it up.
You're just not with it yet.
Now, what's the matter with you?
Who me, sir?
How many times have I told you,
turn up your amplifier?
Next time I want to hear
those big, big sounds
that bring the coconuts down.
Really blast it and let
those Balladisle squares
across the water hear it.
Dig?
Dig, sir, dig.
Dig.
It's the same with you, Ginger,
you're not playing in a chamber quartet.
This is beat.
Don't worry about splitting your skins,
they can be replaced.
And so can you.
And as for you, Beau Brummel Bond.
Who me, sir?
Yes, you.
Your diction's nearly
as sharp as your cloths.
I distinctly understood three
words in the second chorus.
How many times have I told you,
mumble man, mumble, mumble.
Why don't you pull those shades down
around your mouth and see if that helps.
Now.
Hey you.
You boy, there.
Why aren't you at band practise?
Me, you mean me?
Of course I mean you.
I'm not in the habit of
talking to palm trees.
I'm sorry.
I was just going.
I can't stop now.
Did he say going?
No, that's what I call gone.
Real gone.
Ooh, that was close.
Now where am I?
Balladisle.
Oh yes, it's much more
restful here than Beatland.
Ooh, I better go and see what's happening.
A Beatlander.
Come on, fellows, grab him.
Quick over here, there he goes, come on.
Come on quickly, come on.
Quick over here.
Quick there he goes.
Over here, quick fellas.
Over this way, come on.
Quickly, there he goes.
Where'd he go?
Now I don't see him.
Restful indeed.
I'd better jettison this gear.
Please change the clobber.
Ooh yes.
Oh yes, this is much more in keeping.
Oh yes, yes, now that
was much better, wasn't it?
In fact, just wonderful.
Oh, but Lance.
That was perhaps just a little
too heavy on the keyboard.
You will watch that next time, won't you?
You know, you really must
get a haircut, Derek.
You're beginning to look
like someone from Beatland.
If it gets much longer,
people will be mistaking
you for Brigitte Bardot.
Yes ma'am.
Oh well, no.
Perhaps you've a bit to go
yet before that happens.
Now we mustn't forget the lilt, Elain.
It's oh yeah, oh yeah,
a sweetly and gently, sweetly and gently.
Well now, that seems to be all for today.
Pack your instruments and
don't forget your homework.
Off you go.
Hmm, where do we go from here?
Hey, Alan.
You know it's less than a week now
to the Golden Guitar contest?
Hey, how about sneaking
over to Recording Mountain
and finding out what sounds Mr. A&R
is looking for this year?
What?
Man, you wouldn't catch me
anywhere near that place
without an invitation,
not even if you got me
in the top 10.
Yeah, I suppose you're right.
Anyway, old A&R is bound to spot us
as soon as we set foot in Echo Chamber
and that means no
contest for us this year.
This might be a lead.
Yes, oh I'll just pop over
and see this A&R chap,
he might solve my problems.
All right, Wilco, here we go.
Blast off.
Who dares to enter
the Echo Chamber of A&R?
Name of Wilco Roger, sir.
I've come to ask your help.
In that case,
welcome my boy, welcome.
Well don't just stand there, come forward
and let's have a look at you.
Up here, my lad, up here.
That will do.
Are you Mr. A&R?
I am indeed he.
You must excuse me for asking
but I am a stranger here, you see.
It's a very unusual name you have,
has it any special significance?
Well it so happens
that I am the sole survivor
of a race of people
who used to be employed
throughout the world by businesses
known as recording companies.
We were officially called
Artist and Repertoire Managers,
or A&R men for short.
Alas, most of the traditions associated
with that profession
have long since died out
but I still keep my hand in
by writing the odd B side
of a record, you know.
Oh, I see, how very
interesting.
Yes quite.
Now then, what can I do for you?
Well, I've been sent here
by the Space Congress of the Universe
to settle this dispute between
the Balladisle and Beatland.
It seems that they cannot,
musically, live together
and I was wondering
if you could possibly put me
into the picture as to causes.
Ah, I thought I hadn't
seen you around here before.
It's quite possible, I
haven't been here before.
Well basically,
the argument arises
because as you say, they both prefer
different types of music.
On Beatland it's all wild
and swinging beat stuff,
while Balladisle prefers
the softer, swaying music.
Hmm, well it all seems
simple enough to me.
That's true, what did
you say your name was again?
Uh, Wilco, sir, Wilco Roger.
That's an unusual name, Wilco.
I used to know a fellow named Roger once,
he was a very strange sort of chap.
Excuse me, sir,
if you would just tell me about
the dispute on the islands.
Ah yes, gaze into the Golden Disc
and I will show you the scene on Beatland.
Just listen to the soft wind
blowing through the trees,
The gentle twittering of
the birds filling the air.
Just listen to those
idyllic sounds, my boy,
as you gaze into the Golden Disc.
Those were Beatland boys rehearsing
for the Golden Guitar contest.
Rehearsing?
What must it be like when
they have a performance?
The Golden Guitar contest?
Once a year, the top
groups from each island
compete for a golden guitar
and this is the one time
of the year that I reveal my face,
however considering who sent you, my lad,
I feel that I ought to break my rule.
You needn't have bothered.
Really.
Now then, about this contest.
Whichever group wins,
also gets a world tour,
culminating in a starring performance
on Sunday night at the London Pallodium,
an old-fashioned television type show.
Oh, swinging.
Unfortunately, this
is another major cause
of the trouble.
Dodgy.
It is indeed.
Hmm, well I must say, all seems to me
to be a perfectly wonderful thing
to happen to anybody.
It's wonderful indeed for the winners,
but the losers have all their instruments
and equipment confiscated
until eight weeks
before the next contest.
What a carve-up.
I couldn't agree more with you, my boy,
as a matter of fact, I've
declared the contest a draw
for the past three years
to try to keep some order,
but this only seems to
make them even more bitter.
Oh yes, it does indeed,
they're quite bitter.
I've been down amongst
them just for a brief spell
and they're very bitter about it.
They think it's a right cheat, you know,
like having their instruments
taken away from them, you see?
How are they going to be able to rehearse
to win the contest, it impossible,
but I must admit I
thoroughly concur with them.
There you are, you see my problem.
Oh indeed.
It all looks quite hopeless, doesn't it?
I'm afraid it's Planet
Gonk for me after all.
Planet Gonk?
What on earth is that?
Oh, Mr. A&R, it's like nothing on earth.
It's completely out of this world.
It's the Siberia of outer space.
There, there, my boy, don't cry.
Excuse me, boy, shouldn't
you be dabbing your eyes?
Oh no,
everything's quite
different where I come from.
I see what you mean, yes.
Well now,
Where were we?
Oh yes, let's take a look
at Balladisle, shall we?
You'll notice that most
of their rehearsals
take place at night because
they've been troubled
with a lot of spies
from Beatland recently.
It's all most distressing.
Now, gaze into the Golden Disc.
Here we go again.
Well, there you are.
You've seen both sides in action.
It's quite a problem, isn't it?
Hmm, what a mess.
How are we ever going
to get them together?
Wait a moment, I think I've got an idea.
Yes.
On my trip to Earth I
had a computer run-down
on the history of this planet.
It told me that there was
a famous writer of yours
from the past, what was
his name, Shake, Shake.
Shakespeare?
He shook something or other.
Shakespeare, yes, that was it.
How does he get into this movie?
Ah, he doesn't, not Shakespeare himself,
it was his story, what was it now,
it was called,
Romeo and Juliet.
Yes.
Let us try the old angle, boy meets girl.
Love, oh,
love conquers all, yes?
Now have you a couple of
reasonably minded kids
who might fit these parts?
I think you might have
something there, Wilco.
I think I know the ideal couple,
they're just made for each
other and great singers, too.
Come along, let's have a look, shall we?
Gaze into the Golden Disc.
When we get ashore, we separate.
Les and Bob, you take the west side.
We'll take the centre.
What's the plan, Steve?
Get as many of their new
sounds as possible on tape.
Kodak all the equipment in sight,
and don't forget the sheet music,
if you can get close enough.
What happens if we hit trouble?
Three blasts on the whistle,
then head back for the boats, all clear?
All clear.
Right, synchronise your watches.
Okay, let's go.
Hold it, it's a patrol.
Hey fellows, did you
see those crazy cops?
Oh officer, arrest me please.
All right, all right.
Who said crime doesn't pay?
Okay, okay, now let's get on with it.
Remember, back here in
two hours and be careful.
Okay, let's go.
Yeah, that's great.
Hey, by the way, Kev, according to this,
they're keeping Lulu and
the Lovers right to the end.
Should be a knock-out.
Yeah, you're right there, Alan,
Beatland can't touch that.
Hey Kev, how about going
through those last four
bars of Love is a Dream?
Not quite sure of the finish,
it's a bit off.
Great, Alan, great.
Spies, spies, get him.
Spies.
There he goes, get him.
Quick over here.
Listen to the alarm.
Come on, Steve, come on!
Come on!
Bobby, get back, go, go!
Where's Steve?
He got captured, we'd better get back
to Beatland straight away.
The others have got away.
Well at least we've got one of them.
Better get him to the
night court right away.
And bring along that tape
recorder and camera for evidence.
Come on.
On reflection, don't
you think your sentence
is a trifle severe, Mr. Prime Minister?
Who asked you?
We have heard the evidence
of the arresting officers
and other witnesses to
your despicable conduct.
Such disgraceful
violation of our territory
cannot and will not go unpunished.
Have you anything to say
before I pass sentence?
What can I say, my lord.
I was only doing my duty for Beatland.
That'll be enough out of you.
Now, now let me see,
you're one of Beatland's
leading vocalists, aren't you?
Well I can kill two
birds with one stone here
by punishing you and keeping you out
of the contest at the same time.
I hereby sentence you to
28 days in the Drum Prison.
No!
No!
That's not fair, you haven't
even given him a chance.
Silence, silence!
Any more of this and I'll
have the place cleared.
Won't I?
Yeah.
How could you, father?
That's the most unfair
sentence you've ever given.
We don't have to take advantage
of Beatland in that way.
Silence, Helen!
Just remember this, that
all is fair in love and war,
and I intend to see that we
win this contest this year
at all costs.
But the usual sentence for spying
is only seven days maximum.
That's enough, young lady.
I will not tolerate this
behaviour any longer.
I'll deal with you later.
Take him away.
Thanks very much for trying.
Beatland will walk the contest anyway.
Silence!
Any more out of you and
I'll make it three months.
Go on, get rid of him.
Silence, silence!
Any other business?
No, my lord.
No, my lord.
Oh, might as well pack it in then.
Silence in court, all
rise for His Lordship,
Chief Justice, Prime Minister.
The new prisoner, Drum Master.
What's
that, what did you say?
- Speak up!
- The new prisoner, sir.
Oh you've brought the new prisoner.
Good.
Let's have a look at him.
Stand up straight!
You can throw away those
curlers for a start, my lad.
We'll soon have this
one off in the morning.
And get that muck off
your face right away.
No slovenliness allowed
in my prison, do you hear?
- Yes, sir.
- Don't answer back.
Right, here is your quota for the night,
5,000 paradiddles,
3,000 cymbal clashes,
and 4,000 base drum beats.
Got it?
Right, get on with it.
Prisoner and escort,
about turn, quick march.
Left, right, left, right, left,
step lively and close that door.
I'll liven you up, you dosey man.
Behave yourself.
Get on with it.
Hey, how long have you
been in here, old timer?
Three years, and not
so of the old timer,
if you don't mind, I'm only 23.
It's this place, it gets you, you know.
What did you do, murder somebody?
No, no, much worse than that.
I was caught selling old Beatles
and Presley discs to the kids.
Get a move on in there.
It's not a tea party you're on.
Right, double tempo from now on,
boom, boom, boom-ity, boom.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Look Les, just how are we suppose
to make the Golden Guitar
contest without Steve?
Well don't worry about it,
Bob, we'll manage somehow.
Shall we see if we can manage
the vocals by ourselves?
Okay, let's hit it,
one, two, three, four.
Uncle, uncle, ooh, ooh.
Hello, my dear.
Hello, uncle, I heard
you were working late
so I brought you some supper.
I brought you some wine.
That is kind of you.
Here you are.
And some sandwiches and some fruit.
You really shouldn't have bothered
to come all the way out here.
Well I must admit, I
did hope to have a look
at my group's new drum Kit.
Is it ready for the contest yet?
So that's your game, my girl.
Well I haven't forgotten about it.
As a matter of fact,
I've got the new prisoner
on overtime right now breaking it in.
Looks marvellous.
Do you think it'll be ready in time?
Oh yes, you don't have
to worry about that.
These late nights don't do me any good.
I could sleep for a week.
Good, it worked.
That should keep you quiet for a bit.
- What's the matter?
- Shh, I've come
to get you out of here.
- Quickly.
- I don't understand.
I'll explain it all later, come with me.
Quickly, in here.
We should be safe here for a while.
I suppose I'd better introduce myself,
my name's Helen, yours is Steve, isn't it?
Right first time.
And thanks for getting me out of there.
Why did you do it?
I feel partly responsible
as it was my father who sentenced you.
Your father?
Boy, he's a toughy.
Oh he's not really so bad
when you get to know him.
He's all worked up about the contest
and all the rivalry between the islands
is getting on his nerves, too.
Well I'm with him there,
all this quarrelling amongst ourselves,
it's so unnecessary.
Oh quickly, they must have found uncle.
I put some sleeping powder in his wine.
Now they'll start searching
the whole island for you.
We keep the boats in the trees over there,
come with me, this way.
Where do we go from here?
Well we can't go to Beatland,
they'd arrest me on the spot.
I know, Recording Mountain.
We can't go there, no one is allowed
into Echo Chamber until
the day of the contest.
If we land on the far
side of the mountain
we can make our way to Echo
Chamber without being seen.
Besides, Mr. A&R is bound
to be asleep by this time.
I suppose you're
right, no one will think
of looking for us there.
Come on, let's go.
Isn't it scary, Steve?
Isn't the most cheerful place I've seen.
Come on, sit down.
Chances are Mr. A&R won't
see us even if he's about.
Now what?
Well I suppose we stay
here until the morning
and decide what to do next.
But Mr. A&R will be sure
to find us in the morning.
Well, we'll worry about
that when the time comes.
You know we were talking
about all this trouble
between the islands, there's no reason
why you and I shouldn't get together
and enjoy each other's music.
That would be great.
In fact, I enjoyed quite a
lot of the Beatland music
at the concert last year.
Mind you, I daren't show it.
Well that goes for me, too.
Some of your numbers were great.
There was one in particular,
it was real gear.
Do you remember, it goes like this.
That was great, Steve.
You really know how to handle a ballad.
Thank you kindly, ma'am.
See if you like this.
A one, two, three, four.
Great, you're pretty good yourself.
Do you wanna join my group?
Oh, thanks, now that we've formed
a mutual admiration society,
we better start making plans for tomorrow.
Sorry, I'm so tired.
She didn't even say good night.
Good night.
I don't know whether
either of you're interested
in getting on.
If you're interested in
getting in the Cabinet,
I know of a safe seat, it's not far away.
Prime Minister.
Sir.
Fred.
- Fred.
- How many times
have I told you not to come in here
while I'm chatting up the Cabinet.
When I woke up, Helen was gone.
What are you talking about?
I'm sorry but I didn't have a chance.
About six of them jumped me from behind,
they smashed me on the cymbal,
and knocked me peril from underneath me.
I was knocked unconscious
by the seven of them.
You just said Helen was
there, what happened to her?
Oh I don't know.
When I regained consciousness, both Helen
and the prisoner and the
eight others had gone.
Are you trying to tell
me she's been kidnapped?
Yes, that's it, she's been
kidnapped by all nine of them.
Take your filthy hands off.
We've covered the whole island, sir,
not a sign of them anywhere.
One of the boats is missing,
so it looks as if they'd
escaped to Beatland.
And taken my Helen with them.
Well, they won't get away with it.
I'll teach them a lesson
they won't forget,
this means war!
That's a bit strong, isn't it?
Well of course it's
strong, oh blimey, right.
Check the boats, alert the groups,
make a fresh issue of guitars.
We invade Beatland at dawn.
Off you go, come back
here when you're ready.
Hup.
Alert all
patrols, sound the alarm.
What is it, Steve?
I don't know, I thought
I heard a bugle call.
Good morning, I thought
you'd never wake up.
Come forward, I'd like to talk to you.
We didn't mean any harm, Mr. A&R.
We've run away and this was
the only safe place to hide.
I know, I know.
But don't be afraid, I was
hoping you would come up here.
Oh by the way, I'd like you to
meet my friend, Wilco Roger.
Now then, let's get dow to business.
Wilco and I think we have the answer
to all this feuding between the islands,
but we'll need your help
to make the plan work.
Well you can count on us.
Yes, we'll do anything we can to help.
Good, good, I knew
you'd see it that way.
Now then, this is what we've got to do.
What's that?
Quickly, gaze into the Golden Disc.
Well done.
Hey.
Button up.
Well done.
That's a dirty note, get it cleaned.
Get it cut.
Right.
Once more unto the beach,
dear friends, once more.
And let us teach them how to war.
And you good musicians whose
limbs were made in Balladisle,
show us here the mettle of your posture.
Let us swear that you
are of good breeding,
which I doubt not, for
there are none of you
so mean and base that hath
not noble lustre in the eyes.
I see you like the guitar strings,
finely tuned, straining upon the note.
The baton is down.
Follow your spirit and
upon this charge cry,
Balladisle for Songdom,
Helen, and Prime Minister.
I can't stay here, I've got to go
and see if I can stop them.
Yes, let's get down there right away.
No, not you, you stay
here with Mr. Wilco
and A&R, you'll be safer.
Nonsense, Steve, if you're
going, I'm coming too.
Steve, it'll take both of
you to stop this, now hurry.
Oh, what a mess it's all become.
Yes, I shall have to
go and buy a dictionary,
English into Gonk.
Stop it.
Stop it.
- Stop this madness.
- Steve.
Before it's too late.
Stop!
- Stop it!
- You're spoiling everything.
Helen, Helen, are you all right?
Yes, nevermind me, do something
about stopping this battle.
Stop it?
I want to show Beatland
they can't get away
with what they did to you and your uncle.
They've done nothing,
I drugged uncle's wine
and I helped Steve to escape.
You did what?
You mean to say this is all a mistake?
Yes.
Now please stop this battle
before it's too late.
I'll have something to say to you
when I've straightened out this mess.
Now, go straight home and wait there
until I return, go on!
Go on!
Cease playing.
Cease playing.
That's no excuse, how dare you assume
that we kidnapped your daughter?
Now what do you propose to do
about my brother, Steve, and Helen?
As for as I'm concerned,
I intend to punish her severely.
She will not take part in
the Golden Guitar contest
and I'll make it my business
she will never see Steve again.
Right, that's okay with me,
and as far as Steve and I are concerned,
if we never see you or
your daughter again,
it'll be too soon.
Right, well it's just
as well we had the same,
I feel that you, we've,
uh, ooh good, yuck.
Things couldn't be worse, A&R.
Helen and Steve barred from the contest.
That put an end to our little scheme.
Oh, don't worry, Wilco,
things may not be as bad as they seem.
Oh, but the Great Galaxion,
he'll know that I've failed by this time
and you know what that means to me.
Oh well, try to get some sleep, my boy.
I'm sorry I can't offer you a bed
but I've never had a guest before.
Oh well, good night, Wilco,
perhaps things will look
better in the morning.
Good night, A&R, I hope you're right.
Oh yeah.
Oh I'll get myself a bed.
No wonder he's never had a guest.
I've got the answer.
I'll arrange a little surprise
with A&R at the Golden Guitar
contest in the morning.
Will the next group
take the stage please.
And the next group
to represent Beatland,
Mr. A&R, will be the Nashville Teens.
And they're going to play Poor Boy.
About time for me to
leave now, isn't it?
Yes, you'll be able to slip away
before this group starts playing.
If you are watching, oh Great Galaxian,
this is an emergency.
What kept you?
How did I get here?
I was just standing...
Oh nevermind that now,
we've got work to do.
There is no time for that
old-fashioned nonsense.
Come on.
Are there any more contestants?
No, Mr. A&R, that was our final entry.
We have completed our
programme too, Mr. A&R,
actually I would like
you to of heard a group
I auditioned up north last week.
Joe Soap and his Larvers,
they're just around the back.
Thank you, Mr. Prime Minister.
They've really got the bubble,
they're really with it.
- I could fetch 'em.
- Yes, thank you, thank you.
I would like to take an
unusual step this year.
As the result is again a draw,
I propose to submit my
own entry to the contest,
and you shall be the judges.
It's completely unethical.
If I may say so, Mr. A&R,
this is a trifle irregular.
You're chancing your army
a bit ere, aren't you?
Silence!
Well, it tis known
that we find the groups
and you donate the accolades, isn't it?
Silence!
If I have any further
outbreaks of this nature,
you will both leave the Echo Chamber!
And now, I would like to present my entry
for the Golden Guitar
contest, the Beats Ballad.
Helen and Steve will take the stage,
I will introduce my contest entry.
But what do we play?
You play this.
A hit, a hit, a hit!
Silence.
Silence!
Will both Prime Ministers
step forward, please.
I hereby declare that the two islands
are from this day united,
and that they be known as Musicland,
and all forms of music will be welcome
without prejudice or restriction.
All right, everybody dance.
Play the music.
Well, time for me to
blast off, I'm afraid.
And thank you, Mr. A&R, for saving me
from a fate worse than,
well, you know what.
Delighted to help, my boy,
and I'm only sorry you
can't stay around a while.
Yes, I'd like to stay
here, too, but duty calls.
But I'll be back.
Where are you off to?
Jupiter, Venus?
No, no, I think I'll go to Mars.
Really?
Well I haven't seen the
old lady for some time.
Oh by the way, give my
best to Helen and Steve,
when they get back to Earth, will you?
- I will.
- Thank you.
Well, goodbye Mr. A&R,
I hope we meet again.
Goodbye, my boy, and give my love to Na.
What a groovy lad he is.
Oh, I forgot to present the prizes.