Good Bones (2016) Movie Script
1
I almost started...
I almost started walking
on that crab shell.
But not on that crab shell.
What sound does
the snowy egret make?
Hey, Sarge.
Hey, Danny.
You run out of gas?
Very funny.
How was graduation?
Ah, it was good.
Thanks for asking.
Your dad said your
fellowship award got yanked.
Ah, defunded.
Nice.
Sorry about that.
Thanks.
You guys all ready
for the season?
Bail to nail.
Bring 'em on.
All righty.
See you in a bit.
Dad, I'm home.
Dad, I'm home.
Do you like apples?
I guess.
Do you like to whack people?
Yeah, sometimes.
Yeah, right.
Ow!
Glad tidings, Danny boy.
Oh, no, Dad.
And they rented it
for the whole season.
Dad, I came home for the summer.
I know it, boy.
But the offer was there.
Only a fool chases money.
But only an ass turns it away.
I'm sorry, Danny.
We need the dough.
OK.
All right.
Have you lined up a
summer spot for us?
Oh, that's the genius part.
We're already here.
No, Dad.
No office.
No living on boats.
No camping.
I can't fool around this summer.
I've been waiting to tell
you the really big news.
They just announced it.
Tilden Head is for sale.
The whole thing?
Shore to shore.
Sand to tree tops.
I guess the Tildens must
have lost a couple of billion
in the market, huh?
Who can afford to buy a
9 square mile peninsula?
That's genius part.
It's an open auction...
Open to anyone who can
afford the minimum opening
bid of $300 million.
That's not our people.
Exactly.
That's why I need you.
I'm sorry, Danny.
I need you this summer
to help me land this.
This is all hands on deck,
all ears to the rail,
all dancers to the VIP lounge.
Do you know what 6%
of $300 million is?
$18 mill...
It's piles of money.
It's the pot at the
end of the rainbow.
It's birds in the trees
and macro crowded sea.
Who?
Yeates.
But...
Yes.
Sailing to Byzantium, yes.
Billy Yeats.
And before you know it,
here come the O'Briens.
The good news
is that I've allowed you
little turds to get
your foot in the door
of superlative properties.
And I want you to kick.
Kick just as hard as you can.
Now the season begins.
So I want you to go
on out there and bring
in the normal McMillionaire
to buy and sell...
Who does he think we
are, illegals or what?
So, do you have a boyfriend?
Maybe.
Now, there's one thing
that you need to understand
about the wealthy...
Mysterious.
I like that.
Do you have a boyfriend?
Considered nouveau
riche to have a lot of money.
Where are you from?
Chicago.
Where's your family from?
The land of the
brush-your-teeth people.
Have I lost
you already, Mr. Wilson?
What if I sell Tilden Head?
Oh, shit.
My uncle said that Tilden
Head is up for offer...
Oh, splendid.
The Wilson family
reads the newspaper.
Tilden Head, the biggest
deal of this season.
And guess what?
It is none of your
fucking business.
It is none of your
fucking business.
You three are preppified,
pedicured fishermen.
Half your job is going to
be here in this office,
watching me land the big fish.
And where do the big fish swim?
Out there on the golf
courses, in the spas,
fingering their nannies.
Well, your job is to find
them and bring them to me.
Now, the rich like
parties, don't they?
And we like the rich.
So what does that mean?
Anyone?
Logic?
We are alcoholic sycophants.
And?
I believe it was Justice
Scalia who coined the term...
Oh, stuff it.
Memorial
Day of the jackals, huh?
You don't get to complain to me.
You know I don't
want to be hear, Pop.
Sure enough.
For the boys.
Semper fi, brothers
of the firefight,
sons of the fireflies,
flight of the slumber bees.
Good one.
If it isn't the competition.
Hey, Charlie.
I conjured it.
You see that, Danny?
I said "fumble duck"
and he alighted.
How is the old head wound?
How is the old birth defect?
Oh, let me introduce you
to my summer baby associates.
Your little baby here, I think
you'd say, then, last summer.
Idiot children, I'd like
you to meet the O'Briens.
This is their last summer.
Nothing I cared.
In all my sky blue
trades that time
allows in all his
to tuneful turnings,
so few and such mourning songs.
For the children,
green and golden,
follow him out of grace.
A Grace among the Philistines.
A Clare, actually.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What is this, a joke
or a game, or some...
Well, I've got one.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Justin.
Justin, who?
Just in time to bust your ass.
He substitutes,
crudities for virility.
It's verbal priapism.
Let's go, dad.
Good idea, Danny.
Have a little drinky-poo
for, uh, Sloppy Joe here.
That is him.
What's the cheat sheet?
That mark there owns every
bottling plant in Mexico.
Take notes, guys, while I go
land the season's best deal.
You... you got a little
something in your teeth.
Yeah.
Yeah?
It's right on the... yup.
You don't have
anything in your teeth.
Hey, there.
How are you?
Do I know you?
Danny O'Brien.
It's nice to meet you.
I heard you were, uh, king
of pop south of the border,
but I don't know your name.
I'm Harold Philbert.
How are you?
I'm terrific, thanks for asking.
Good, good.
I'm going to be
straight with you.
I'm the top agent over
at O'Brien Realty.
Oh, Danny.
I'm not in the market for, uh...
But listen, you're got...
Say, John Wayne, right, married
Audrey Hepburn commissioned
Frank Lloyd Wright to build
a little classic chateau
in the Rocky Mountains.
Then you move that
little cottage
down to a private beach.
I like this.
You paint quite
a picture, Danny.
So, uh, so where is this place?
Sagaponack.
Excuse me.
Oh.
Hey, wait, wait, wait.
Excuse me.
Sorry, hi.
Hi.
- Hey, uh, what's goin' on?
- Oh, look our shoes match.
Yours are a little dirty though.
Oh, yeah.
Look, our shirts match.
See?
See?
They do, don't they?
And they're not dirty.
Not yet.
Yeah.
I think that could be a sign.
I think so, too.
Is one of these yours?
Uh, that's her right over there.
Ah, better music over there.
Oh, yeah.
Maybe you'll have better
luck selling him something.
You shouldn't say Sagaponack.
What?
You should say
Georgica Adjacent.
Audrey Hepburn
would never say Sag.
And you were doing
so well with that,
aw shucks, regular guy thing.
Danny O'Brien.
Clare Logan.
You seem to know an awful lot
about local real estate, Clare
Logan.
Well, I'm going to be a
top agent when I grow up.
So what are you now?
So far, I'm more of
an undiscovered painter.
What about you?
Well, I've spent
most of my life staying
out of local real estate.
And so far, I'm an
undiscovered ballerina.
Good one.
But why avoid real estate?
Well, the problem with
Georgica Adjacent, Miss.
Top Agent, is that
once you say adjacent,
you might as well call
the dump a local golf
course in progress.
You can call the
toilet a private pond.
Little slips have
a way of piling
up into complete bullshit.
I think everyone in the
game knows that the truth
is flexible, Danny.
I don't think it's a game.
Wow.
You are so close
to doofy, it's...
It's kind of sweet.
So what do you think about
this whole Tilden Head deal?
May I show you something?
See that big dark thing
looming over there?
That's Tilden Head.
I know.
See the light over here?
It's the light that
Gatsby watched.
East Egg.
Is this the actual spot?
Technically, no.
The truth is flexible, right?
- Good one.
This is truly my favorite
place in the world.
Well, then, thank you
for sharing it with me.
So Dylan Thomas and,
uh, Fitzgerald, huh?
Yeah.
The Easter Bunny and the Tooth
Fairy shopped at the bookstore.
So now, I mostly just watch TV.
Rebel.
Yeah.
Hey, Danny, you wanna
do a boing-boing, dude?
Natives are jobless.
Not now, Hoonie, not now.
All right, whatever.
You don't wanna
do a boing-boing?
Not on the first date.
Besides, I don't want to
give away any O'Brien family
secrets, not to the enemy.
Anyways, I gotta showing
early in the morning.
There's that scout's honor.
Go get 'em.
You won't find
better beach front.
I mean, take a look
out that window.
That's your dock right there.
$4 million's a steal here.
And the water here is deep
enough for my Intercruiser?
If it isn't deep enough already,
we'll motor a dredger out here.
And we can clear it out for you.
Hey.
We've got ultracold
side by sides.
You got Kuger ranges,
professional gas tops.
You've got Greco-Roman
marble, everything.
And I can keep my
chipmunks in here.
Right.
They'll love it.
I mean, have you ever
seen such ambient light?
I love ambient light.
Me, too.
Come on, let me
show you something.
- He's very nice.
- It's perfect.
He's very nice.
Get ready for the architect
designed master bedroom?
No, wait.
Let's see the pool first.
Actually, there's no pool.
What did we say?
Why are we here?
No, pool?
Wait a second, honey.
But we can put one in, right?
The problem is you can't
really dig in this area.
I mean, the water tables
are at like 5 feet.
Your liner would
crack every winter.
I need a pool.
You can get a really
excellent above ground pool.
No pool, no boat.
No, wait a second, baby.
Nice work, buddy.
Honey?
Let me tell you...
Let me tell you... let
me tell you what I would do.
- OK.
If this were... if
this were my house.
I'm thinking big.
I'm thinking we stick an
Olympic size pool right there,
get a clear site line
towards the ocean.
You know, very Riviera style.
You guys been to the Riviera?
- Yeah.
Wait, can we do that?
Are we allowed to do that?
Are you allowed to do that?
What, you mean like
split Social Security?
Am I right?
- Good one.
Come on, I'll show you...
I'll show you the back.
Let's go.
Money is money.
You believe that, and
you can have everything.
Come on, ladies.
Milk me of knowledge.
This water's makes
me totally wet.
OK.
That's a little on the
nose, don't you think?
Try sounding like
you don't really
realize what you're saying.
I have a rear entry Mercedes.
Sex and money, but you can't
quite put your finger on it.
I love that.
That's a sweet ascot.
Do you want to go for
a Rolex in the hay?
Oh, OK.
Yeah.
You're so nice.
Um, I actually use Dior.
Does this coaching
stuff actually work?
Oh, for sure.
Rich guys are just
like regular guys.
You just have to let them
think that they're in charge.
That's cool.
I'm so into rich guys.
But what he if wants a pre-nup?
You don't sign a pre-nup.
So, like, who do
you think this summer?
Any of the guys
that are on the board
at one of the museums.
Or like, my ex-husband used
to give to the orphans.
And that, like, totally
worked out, too.
Um, I just...
I just want to check.
Should it be burning like this?
Yes, it should.
It's exfoliating.
And the chocolate
is tanning you.
I am so sorry I keep
coming out of this.
See, ladies, I'm really
not coming out of anything.
But it will hold their
attention all night long.
Hey, ahoy reala-statey.
Oh, we're... we're
actually just closing up.
Yeah, but I just saw a
killer house on Dune Lane I
gotta get into like right now.
Can you hook me up?
Hey, are you, uh,
O'Brien Realty?
Uh, no.
I'm Danny O'Brien.
Ah, well, Danny O'Brien,
hook me up, all right?
I'll make it worth your while.
All right, I better drive.
All right.
Walker, is that a first name?
Or...
Bigger, better.
What?
I like this truck.
Thanks.
Yup.
So what do you do?
No, Danny, where are you from?
Excuse me?
What do you do?
That's the first question
of the bourgeoisie.
The wealthy recoil
from that question.
Where are you from, that gets
you rolling a lot better.
Thanks.
Yeah.
So where are you from?
Well, Danny, I'm a professor.
I've developed a methodology
of integrated ambition.
Methodology of
integrated ambition?
A methodology of
integrated ambition.
Ah, integrated, like
healthy and balanced?
Hm.
Yeah.
I'll believe it when I see it.
Yes, sir.
Hoo-ah.
You drive like a rabid dog.
I gotcha these.
I was going to bring
them to your office.
But this is better,
local beach flowers.
Audrey Hepburn
would probably toss
them straight into the trash.
You stole me flowers?
I love them.
Hey, you goin' to
the movies tonight?
OK.
Your car or mine?
Hm, mine.
How you doin', Danny?
Hey.
So here's a challenge for you.
Yeah?
Forget about love for 10 years.
Done.
You want to get rich?
You wanna marry a hottie and
pop out little Danny O'Briens?
Yeah?
Dedicate 10 solid years of
your life to your career...
No friends, no family.
You want sex, you hire it.
You just put your nose to
the grindstone for 10 years.
By the time you're 35,
you're filthy rich.
And then you turn around.
You pick the best, the
brightest, the most
beautiful woman you can find.
In those top shelf women's
sport, they need the money.
I don't care what they say.
It doesn't sound
very integrated.
And besides, can somebody
act like a jerk for 10 years
and not actually become a jerk?
The pursuit of money
makes someone a jerk?
No.
I... I mean, you know, the
pursuit of jerks better make me
and my dad some money
this summer, you know?
What do you think
about the house?
Oh, yeah.
I'll take it.
Are you kidding?
Do I look kidding?
I mean, it's a $13 million...
It's... it's a big decision.
Ah, it's an investment.
Speaking of big,
though, I got a big deal
at the end of the summer.
This works out,
maybe and I could
do that together, all right?
So, Danny, you ever heard
of the information economy?
Yeah, the information economy
is a theoretical construct.
It locates the
post-manufacturing errors.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, knowledge is power.
So we understand each other?
Yeah, I think.
Hoo-ah.
Well.
So what was the first movie
you ever saw at the theater?
Gangs of New York.
Jeez, like the cartoon?
No, like the premier, actually.
I was 8.
I got so scared
that I fell asleep.
And then Daniel had to...
Who's Daniel, like
your little brother?
No, no, he's just a friend.
Ah.
Young love at the cinema.
Uh-oh.
Oh my goodness.
Oh my goodness.
Oh my goodness.
What got into you?
What do you mean?
I mean, I thought
you were really cute
and that we would have
this long flirtation
and then make out
at some bonfire.
But then you would start
to act like a frat boy.
So I would be like, oh,
he's not for me feeling.
So then I'd probably pine you
off on all of my girlfriends
who I didn't even
really like that much
to begin with, because
she was so self-absorbed.
And you two would hook up and
kill two birds with one stone.
And then I'd go to
my easel, and I'd
paint something really intense.
Hm.
What's your
girlfriend look like?
Seriously.
You seem different.
No, seriously, though.
When am I going to get to see
the rest of your paintings?
Are you going to
answer the question?
What got into me?
I don't know.
I get this feeling sometimes
with the summer people.
I don't know if it's the
money or the cars or perfume.
But, it makes me feel different.
Like...
- It does that to everyone.
- Yeah.
But today, I had a
$13 million sale.
Oh my god.
Why didn't you tell me?
- I don't know.
I just... I just wanted
to go on a date.
I didn't want to talk about it.
And, you know, I swear, like,
I wasn't thinking about it.
But I was still...
I was still feeling it.
It made me feel...
- Bigger.
- I guess.
So how long were
you fishing this guy?
I wasn't, just today.
Wow.
Who was he?
I don't know, some
guy named Walker.
Won't even tell me what he does.
Walker owns a decent chunk
of Walker Pharmaceuticals.
Walker, bigger, better.
He told me right off.
I'm an idiot.
Well, but it works for you.
So how did you sell him?
Well, I didn't.
I don't... I don't sell people.
I mean, that's
the whole problem.
Look, if I had a methodology
of integrated ambition,
I wouldn't even
be here right now.
What?
And why not?
I want to be here.
I like being here.
- Why?
Why?
Yeah.
Why?
Well, because you look right
at me when you're laughing.
Because you're nice to my dad.
Because you seem...
You seem smart,
experienced in
some way, good way.
Does that make sense?
Yeah.
What about me?
I was teasing you
before about being a dork.
But the truth is that it
gets me a little bit silly.
The way you talk to me
like you're actually
listening to what I
have to say makes me
feel like you actually like me.
Isn't that sort of a given?
You'd be surprised.
May I also point
out, since you failed
to mention my chiseled abs?
I knew it.
A shark in dolphin's clothing.
Oh, I don't... I don't sell.
That's not a sale.
You want... you
want to see a sale?
I'll sell you something.
Oh my goodness.
Dad, what are you doing?
Dad...
It's funny.
Sometimes Charlie
Schuyler yanking my chain,
going around telling
people I'm old fashioned.
I'm a kook.
Poetry's for drunks
and Europeans.
What did he do, dad?
He couldn't even let
us have one big sale.
Your sale to Walker,
he bollixed it somehow.
We knew it would keep us afloat.
Not even fair competition...
Slow down.
What... what happened?
Charlie found another buyer.
Foster Cabot's got contracts
over at the bank saying
the sale was made this morning.
Cabot's got the paperwork.
Superlative's got the sale.
Yo, spark it up, Danny, dude.
Have you seen the smoker,
that smoked sucker.
Check out my Clean Air Act.
Now, how much would you pay?
Hoonie.
Actually, Danny.
Can I talk to you
about something?
Hoonie, look.
Foster Cabot Nose Picker III.
Hey, Danny.
I made a good sale
yesterday, Schuyler.
You and Cabot are cheating.
Cheating?
Oh, Danny.
Don't be a sore loser.
You know, one of the things
that I've always liked about you
is that you made last
place look rather romantic
in a potato famine sort of way.
Mr. Wilson...
Yeah.
Please remove this detritus
and take those documents
over to Judge Milkin.
You got it, chief.
You have the zoning
commissioner in your pocket,
too?
I'll tell you what I've
got in my pocket, Danny.
I've got balls.
I've got brass balls, something
you know nothing about.
He'll come back.
He'll be baggage handler.
Watch your mouth, slick.
And the home of the brave.
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to this 66th annual
artists and writers celebrity
softball game here in East
Hampton at Herrick Park.
We're thrilled that
you're here this year.
We hope you have a great time.
Don't forget, by your raffles.
Buy your one-of-a-kind...
Danny, you clam-digging..
What are you doin' here?
Don't call people
names, Nose Picker.
Tell me, what does trust mean?
What does trust mean?
What do you do at
Propriety Trust Bank?
I manage large
cap for foreigners
and disperse limited access
guardian or estate trusts.
Ooo!
You pass allowances
to zillionaires.
Something like that.
So you know a lot
about their finances?
I know everything, old boy.
Bully for you.
So I'm going to
need the name of one
of your clients, someone who'd
be willing to buy a house,
like today.
I'm in the game now, old boy.
It's my turn.
Give me a name.
Danny.
No, see that's my name.
I need the name of
one of your clients,
someone who's fiduciary
trust you must not breach.
How long has Schuyler been
paying you to give him...
Oh, wait.
Melissa... Melissa Devonshire.
But what you've
gotta understand is...
If this were a boat, this
would be called the poop deck.
Do I know you?
Ah, sorry, Melissa.
It's Danny O'Brien.
Vodka violator with
a splash of gin?
That's my drink.
Come on up here.
Sweet party.
Thank you.
Have you ever played
drink or swim?
Uh, no.
Hey, everybody.
Show me your poop deck!
This is a sweet party.
I know.
But I don't cry, because
this is sweet house, too.
- What?
- Well, yeah.
Just so you know, this... this
house is actually in your name.
It's a tax credit for something.
You own it.
What?
You're very beautiful.
Thank you.
I'm secretly engaged
to be married.
Sh.
Oh.
Topher, right?
Yes, Topher.
Yeah, he seems like a great guy.
I know.
And he's beautiful.
And you're beautiful.
And if you guys
want to be together,
you should be together whatever
your stupid parents say.
Right?
Like, Amagansett?
Yeah.
In like a totally cozy storybook
cottage down on the beach.
Yes.
Like a state of the
art recording studio
in the basement?
Yes.
What?
Topher is a singer, songwriter.
- Really?
- Really.
Kiss me to seal the deal.
- Well, I...
What's the matter?
Melissa... listen, I just...
Cat got your tongue?
Give Melissa your tongue, cat.
Well, I think that this listing
just came on the market, so...
And get violated.
I think that...
Woo!
OK.
Listen, this house just
came on the market.
Uh-hm.
So... and what we...
Stop.
What, we're not right.
This isn't right.
Why would you do that?
Topher!
Topher!
It was a $3 million cottage.
Oh, so you had no
problem selling a $3 million
house to an 18-year-old girl.
But you drew the line at tongue.
License my roving hands and
let them go, before, behind,
between, above, below.
Oh, my America, my
new-found land, how blessed
am I in this discovering thee.
Who?
Who?
Oh, this is good.
My father with better breasts.
Don't be crude.
John Dunne would've sold
that little girl a bridge.
And he was a clergyman.
Oh.
Relax, Danny.
I'm teasing you.
I mean, it's not like
you slept with her
and then disappeared and
never called or stopped by.
Are you faking an ice
cream headache right now
No I wanted to...
Wow.
You really can't lie, can you?
Just admit it.
You didn't call me,
because you thought
that I told Schuyler about your
beach house deal with Walker.
Right?
Yes.
I'm not a cheater.
Good.
I'm there this summer,
because I have to be.
I don't want to
be a Superlative.
You know, consider
yourself an honorary O'Brien.
Come work with us.
Not to be ungrateful, Joe.
But I think I'd want to see
you guys win a few games
before I sign on to the team.
Oh.
It's not a game.
Then all the more reason.
Oh, tough, too.
Girly, if you can dance,
my quest is at an end.
La, dun, la, la, dun,
la, dun, dun, la, la, la.
La, la, la, la, la,
La, la, la, la, la, la.
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
Sometimes you want
the whole picnic basket,
something to get you excited.
Sometimes it's good
to have a screw top.
But one thing is for sure.
If it doesn't get you
excited, it's not incentive.
That's beautiful, wonderful,
absolutely tremendous.
The line is screw cap, though.
I like screw top.
Well, I'm partial
to screw top myself.
You like wine, Danny?
Yes, sir.
You like feet?
Yeah.
You cannot have good
wine without big feet.
No, sir.
Stomping.
Am I right, Kelly?
You have a good aroma
about you, Danny,
an early hint of crisp green.
Thanks.
How's you finish?
My...
It's one thing I hate.
It's wine that smells
good, has good color,
starts out full, but then
fades and leaves a tinny aura.
Yes, sir.
I'll get straight
to the point then.
Foster Cabot suggest
I talk to you
about buying some retail store
front door in Southampton.
Retail?
Do I look like a shop owner?
No.
No, sir.
But, you know,
commercial property
can be used to hide
assets from your ex-wives.
I take very good
care of my ex-wives.
And from your current wife.
- What?
- Danny.
Uh, screw this.
Well, screw you, Hugh.
Danny, weak finish, bad aura.
Amityville aura, definitely.
I have a long one here.
Walks play right.
Danny.
Don't touch.
Amityville what?
Amityville aura.
But he didn't laugh?
No, he was pissed.
He was a dick.
Whatever.
But he was right.
I was too hungry.
You know, I started talking...
I love this game.
Didn't this game
used to be British?
Aye!
Sophie, you silly
git, hit the ball.
I start talking money too soon.
Basically, every sale I'm
either too soft or I'm too hard.
Oh, that is a
sticky wicket, what?
Never mind, I don't know.
All I'm trying to do
is buy a house here.
And to tell you
the truth, so far,
I'm not really that satisfied.
But I like you.
So the lesson for today is this.
Life is like croquet.
What, be the ball?
What?
No.
No, be a man, man.
Swing the mallet hard.
There's no nobility in failure.
Look, our balls are touching.
You little shit.
Hoo-ah.
Hoo-ah.
I'm sorry, I love you work.
- Unbelievable.
- Isn't that what they say?
Unbelievable.
What's the score?
So he a dick.
Forget about it.
Yeah.
But do you ever think how many
of the things that, you know,
we think are so
delicious or beautiful
or noble are really covered
with somebody else's toe jam?
Haggis.
Spam, spam, spam,
spam, and haggis.
All of like the truly,
you know, innovative people,
the ones that actually cure
brain cancer, something, you
know, they're the people
that aren't afraid to take
their shoes off and
just, I don't know,
stomp a few obsolete rules.
Have you been hanging
out with Walker again?
I can't talk about that.
What?
Let's not talk shop.
You really don't trust me.
I don't know.
What's Schuyler been up to?
What's his whole plan with
this Tilden Head thing?
I don't know yet.
Well, so you don't trust me.
I wouldn't be here
if I didn't trust you.
But I mean, even you
said you wanted to see
me win a few games, right?
So maybe Walker's right.
You need power to do
good in this world.
Hey, Danny, Walker's own family
flipped on him, because he
was faking research results.
So you have been
hanging out with Walker.
You're so cute.
Not only can you not tell a
lie, you can't keep a secret.
I'm not cute.
And here's a secret.
We can't see the
fireworks from here.
We can hear them.
But they're over
on the bay side.
How about this for a visual?
So why are we here?
Because this is the one
night of the year when
nobody comes this side of town.
Oh, good one.
Shadow puppets.
Shadow puppets.
Oh, say does that
Star Spangled Banner yet save,
o'er the land of the free
and the home of the brave.
Play ball with me.
I mostly trust you.
But I'm totally
in love with you.
Oh my goodness.
Whoa.
Ah!
So how are things
at the pet store?
I filed the last of the
blind trust commitments.
Oh, come on.
Nose picker, indulge me.
All of the puppies
have been adopted.
And I mean all of the
kittens have been neutered.
And the kibble, it's
filled with Luden?
The Luden... you got
half a billion sand
dollars under your control.
And there are no
more fish in the sea.
You know?
I'm going to drop the ax
on Joe on Bastille Day,
because it's funny.
Funny, ha-ha.
Funny.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's the French
Independence Day.
So it's like July
4, but for France.
And it's when, um, they
decided to, basically,
execute all the rich people who
were taking all of their money.
Wow.
What are you?
Mozart.
And this is Marie Antoinette.
What Mozart French?
I don't think so.
You have to sing!
Cham...
Cham...
pan-ya.
Pain.
Does that look like a dog sorta?
Hey, sport.
Oh, hey, Walker.
How'd you get in this party?
Uh, actually, I was invited.
Walker, Clare.
Clare, Walker.
Suki suki, y'all.
Ah, I always answer that number.
So we gotta go.
I told you we'd have to
move fast on this deal.
Yeah.
But I mean, this is...
Hey, you ever played peekaboo?
Watch.
Boom.
Walker, cut it out.
Danny, you like driving games?
Have some fun.
This isn't fun.
Besides, who's the
caddy up front?
What's Clare's last name?
Turn on your lights.
No?
You don't know
Clare's last name?
It's Logan.
It's Clare Logan.
Why?
Why, exactly.
All right, name the two
wealthiest communities
in the United States.
- Huh?
You get it right, I'll
give you headlights.
I don't know, West Palm
Beach and Beverly Hills.
No.
Atherton, California and
Kenilworth, Illinois.
Never heard of them.
Exactly.
The super rich, Danny?
Not really, really, really,
rich, like me, but the ultra
wealthy, like rich
like the ocean is wet,
you'll never know they're there.
And they're no fun.
They got so much money, they
don't even care anymore.
Uh, I think...
I think this is
private property.
God, you're a wonk.
Here.
What the hell?
Who does tree work in
the middle of the night?
Someone who can't
get the permits
to do it in the daytime.
But this is Tilden Head.
Yeah, Tilden, Rockefeller,
Nixon, Johnson, bunch
of dead white guys.
That's all in the past.
This is someone who
thinks he owns the future.
Schuyler.
Yeah.
He thinks Tilden Head is a new
airport waiting to happening.
He's got everybody in on it.
He's going to make a fortune.
There's only three
things stopping him.
What?
Those protected dwarfed
pine, those endangered
great blue herons, and us.
Wait.
What blue herons?
Why didn't they fly away?
Protecting their fledglings?
So why am I here?
Look, I've got investors
lined up out of town, all right?
At the auction when it's too
late for him to cover up,
I want you to testify
to what you're
seeing right here, right now.
Then you're going to
make 6% of hundreds
of millions of dollars.
But what are you doing
to do with Tilden Head?
I'm going to rename it
Daniel O'Brien Memorial Park.
And I'm going to raise
fuzzy bunnies here
to donate to the sick
children of the world.
It's about tax credits, OK?
You remember about
the super rich?
My investors are going to
make a nice rate of return
just by turning Tilden Head
into conservation easements.
Easements?
Yeah, easements
plus the bunnies.
Just focus on the grassy knoll.
Charlie Schuyler's lost
his corrupted little mind.
Hey, you're telling me.
Sarge, what's this all about?
The bank called
your note in, Danny.
They've decided
to shut you down.
I can't stop them.
Bankrupt in the
middle of the night.
OK.
OK.
Listen, I got to sale.
I got Tilden Head Labor Day
weekend, the whole pot of gold,
OK?
- Really, Danny?
Yeah.
Really, that's capital, capital.
We are licensed
real estate brokers.
But where are we gonna sleep?
Come on home with me, Joe.
I'd welcome the company.
That is so kind of you, Dougie.
Should we pick up a
bottle on the way?
I've got one in the cruiser.
Danny?
I'm good, Sarge, thanks.
I gotta check in on a friend.
There once was a
maiden from Montauk who made
all the sailors boats rock.
She deepened their ocean
with a gyrating motion,
but mostly she straight..
OK, dad.
You know that one.
Oh my god.
If my music makes
you feel like dancing,
why won't you dance?
Why won't you dance?
But if my music
makes you feel like...
Hello.
Hey, sport.
So you guys know each other?
No.
No.
After our little
drive, Clare called me
and just wanted to get a drink.
You called him?
Yes, technically.
But not because... not...
Not what your thinking.
So tell me the flexible
truth here that's
going to make this all good.
I can't right now.
You know what?
Don't even worry about it.
It's totally all right.
Everyone trades up.
It's just integrated
ambition, right?
Now, sport.
It's-it's...
I'm not your sport, chief.
We're having a drink.
You think I don't
recognize this?
That's called
signaling for a mate.
Oh, so you took
psych 101, and you
get to be a judgemental prick?
You have such a chip on
your shoulder, Danny.
Just can't wait to be
the underdog, can you?
Maybe at work.
In love, I like to
be the only dog.
God, you're so simplistic.
Oh, and you're so sophisticated?
Maybe the rules of the game
are just too complicated
for me to understand.
Are they?
This is my bar.
If my music makes you feel
like dancing, why won't dance?
Why won't you dance?
I got those.
I got 'em.
Thanks, Annie.
Hey, eyes on the prize.
Whatever you say, professor.
Show me you're a professional.
Channel that feeling.
Money's not personal.
God, this was a bad day.
All right, I understand you
and Clare got mad chemistry.
You saw a chance to
crush with a summer girl.
And you're a sensitive guy.
So you pretend it's
not just summer rules.
Just, you're a
healthy kid, Danny.
But Clare and I, we have
something different.
Because Clare is a...
Tilden.
You know I was just telling
Danny I was going to give you
a ride home for your safety.
Danny, my name is Clare Tilden.
I'm really sorry.
But I can't tell you
anything else right now.
Please, just try to trust me.
Tilden, like the point?
Yes, Tilden like the point.
Clare Logan, you're...
You're an undiscovered painter.
Have you been lying
this whole time?
Give me my key.
You can these back tomorrow.
I tried to tell you, right?
Look, you stay out of the
way for a few more weeks.
And we still have a deal.
It gets easier.
Oh, hey.
Danny, man.
I gotta tell you something.
Definitely not now.
No way, because I've
been trying to talk to you.
You, like, my dad
got this promotion.
So we got to move to
Miami which totally sucks,
except I guess I can
homegrown Cuban or something.
But so we got to sell
our house really quick.
And I was just
wondering why, um,
the real estate dudes haven't,
like, called my mom back.
Because your house
is a piece of shit.
But, like, my mom was
all crying, because how
can we buy a house in Miami?
No, but, because we can't
sell our house here.
My parents keep fighting
and the chimps are going
to miss the start of school.
Hold shit.
- OK.
Hoonie, Hoonie, Hoonie.
Professionally
speaking, I have a very
critical question for you, OK?
Do you have any drugs?
Step into my office.
Have you met my
summer associate?
Why didn't they fly away?
I've missed this, pop.
Oh, Clare stopped by
the shop this morning.
I was just sittin'
outside for a minute.
Said you acted like an ass.
Yeah, because I felt like one.
I shoulda known she was
too good to be true.
I don't know about that.
She also said goodbye.
What?
She was leavin'.
I... I thought it
was an overreaction.
But she just...
Oh, no, no, no.
It's OK.
It's good.
It's good business.
She can sell him the point,
marry him, fuck him to death,
get it back, and
then sell it again.
That's an ugly
thing to say, Danny
O'Brien, ugly and ignorant.
Is that how you mean to sound?
No, sir.
During my second tour
when things got bad,
I kept dreaming
about the ocean here,
the... the smell and the light
and dreamed myself right
back into it until it was over.
I was 23.
I thought about gettin' a lot
of stuff, doin' a lot of stuff.
One night, I lay in my rack,
and I counted out the list
of things I actually wanted.
And the top take
five were right here.
I felt lucky.
I still feel lucky.
You still miss mom?
I put all my eggs
in one basket there.
Of course, that was the only
way I knew how to do things.
She was the best thing that
could ever have happened to me.
She knew.
You know, I'm OK
with you drinkin' and...
And your poetry.
But, uh, you know,
I like it when you
talk straight, too, sometimes.
Fair enough.
Hey, guys.
Sorry, I'm late.
I'm gonna go fire up.
I got that new
fishfinder for us.
Oh, fishfinder.
Pox.
Uh, Danny, dude.
Quinn.
Get out of the way, Hey.
Hey, Danny.
I got it all set up for ya.
Thanks for helping us out, huh?
No problem.
Congratulations on the, uh,
promotion, Mr. Hunsecker.
Cornholing is more like it.
Uh, mom, come on.
We've been at
United for 25 years.
And they re-assign him without
so much as a fruit basket.
Honey, Danny has
a job to do here.
- OK.
- Let give you a quick tour.
What... what... what's happening?
OK.
That's the bathroom upstairs.
Any time you use the sink, it
drips a little bit, nothing
that you're going to notice.
So Hoonie invented the first
ever water recycling plant
watering system.
The hydroponicator.
We should probably take it down.
No, no.
It's good.
It gives the house a little
bit of character, you know?
It's good.
Hey, Max.
Yeah.
Thanks very much.
No problem.
See you in a bit.
Cool.
Thank you.
So these are, like, normal
chocolate chip cookies, right?
Yeah.
All right, that's a no.
It's one of my favorite
parts, man, outdoor shower.
Yeah.
What do you want to say?
Do you want me to
buy this house?
Everything is like this machine.
It's like...
Energy guy.
Ah, see?
Yeah.
It's leaking from the top.
Ah.
Enough.
Enough.
It's enough.
I'm going.
Thanks.
Thanks for the visit?
It's pretty solid.
They don't build 'em
like this anymore.
When was this house built?
Uh, the '60s.
They built a bunch of them
out here for the veterans.
This one's startin' to show
its age a little though.
Don't we call that loaded
with the rustic charm?
Yeah, assuming you find
replacing all the beat up
gutters charming.
Oh, that's silly.
That's just superficial.
The walls are dry, right?
This house has good bones.
My dad says that.
Yeah.
He says that house either
has good bones or it doesn't.
You can't add 'em, and
you can't take 'em away.
You dad sounds like a romantic.
He is.
What's the asking price?
$540,000.
That's a fine price.
Tell them I'll take
good care of it.
Congratulations.
Uh.
Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Hunsecker,
this is Phyllis Lowell.
She wants to buy your house.
Good job, Danny.
Thank you.
Pretty cool.
Big plans for Labor Day, Danny?
Oh, I don't think so, sir.
Probably just find
somewhere to live.
Maybe you can help us find
decent quarters for our...
Our guys this fall.
We hired 20 guys to
bring in the last crop.
And we used to put
them up in the barn.
But we had to sell the barn.
What about the old
Coast Guard barracks?
Oh, they rent those?
I don't know.
I could make a call.
The fall, you're gonna hunt
with us this fall, Danny?
No, no.
I don't think Mr. Farnsworth.
You were always a little soft.
Uh.
Hey, Mr. Farnsworth,
if you were chasing
a great blue heron around,
what would... what would
keep them from running off?
Blue hairs?
Great blue heron, pa.
Oh, not on this farm.
There's too much
dwarf pine around.
What?
You know, I feel
very sorry for you
two boys, worrying about
safe sex your whole lives.
Grandpa.
I got poison ivy on
my back so bad one time
I couldn't move for a month.
That's... that's tough.
Yeah.
But what about the great blue
herons and all the dwarf pine?
He just misses sex.
I miss the tractor, too, Henry.
That's
the game, ladies and gentlemen.
A victory for.
Can you imagine mounting
anything so beautiful?
Yes.
So why do you hate me?
Because you stole that
beach house from me?
Pillow talk's fair game.
You know that.
You're a bad girl.
And what is this?
Let's go inspect a
stable and I'll show you.
GPQ-0408F like fox,
Judge Milken presiding.
On behalf of its owners and
by order of the probate court
of Suffolk County State of New
York for absolute auction...
Hoo-ah.
Well, I... for absolute
auction, the property
commonly known as Tilden Head.
It's 700 acres, 9.3
miles of waterfront.
All ground and air rights
as well as flora and fauna...
Glory be to god
for dappled things,
for rose moles all in stipple
upon trout that stream.
Dougie, get that drunk
out of these proceedings.
Public forum.
Plus, he's sober.
Well, fuck it.
Let's just get on with it,
so we can get this over with.
Here ye.
Yikes.
Hi.
Hi.
What are you doin' here?
Um, I'm actually
looking for your dad.
Is he here?
No.
He's at your auction, I'm sure.
You know, captain and the
whole sinking ship thing.
Listen, what I said earlier
about the whole primate
signaling thing, I didn't
take Psych 101, OK?
I wrote an entire paper
on pheremone interactions.
Danny, sorry.
But I'm really kinda
supposed to go to this thing.
Great.
Definitely.
Sorry.
I better drive.
In the seller's
absence, I am instructed
to conduct the bidding process.
Make known your offers now.
Indeed.
Today is, indeed, a
glorious day for me,
for us, for our
beloved community,
Superlative Properties,
together with a group
of private investors,
proudly proffer
the required $300 million bid.
Blood money.
Put up or shut up, Joe.
300 million actual dollars.
$300 million and 1.
Sweet.
So in the interest of
getting on with it,
I'd like to share a
little home movie that I
made that's part of my offer.
You're a good actress.
I know.
I do it a lot.
I don't like people knowing
who I am, because then they'll
never see who I actually am.
But I know you never trusted me.
I hated that.
Yeah.
I wanted to talk
to you about that.
There are some things
I wanted to tell you.
You know, I should
tell you that...
Let me go first.
I want to say this.
And don't want to not say this.
I never liked my dad's business.
You know, it always involved
a lot of rich summer people
who treated everything and
everyone as if they were
replaceable, because they were.
They always act as if they
didn't care if it was day
or night, because they didn't.
You know, and my dad,
I mean, he would sell.
He would bend words into a
pretty little origami flowers.
And he would stretch the
truth like taffy flavoring it
with whatever he had
to in order to sell
the house to those people.
You could do
anything that you want.
But, wait.
I sold a house the other
day, a beat up little old
starter home where everybody
crowded the contract,
the buyer and the seller.
They cared so much.
And it made me feel even
bigger than that easy sale
with Walker.
It was scary.
I loved my job all of a sudden.
Good.
Are you selling me a house?
Me?
I'm selling you me.
I know that you think
I'm too serious and...
And I'm whatever, doofy.
And you know what?
You're right.
I just wanted to tell
you that I realized
that I care about things.
I just care what happens.
And, you know, I know
you've been hanging
out with Walker in the city.
And I know that we don't even
have that much in common.
And I know you
have to do what you
have to do with Tilden Head.
But money or no money,
I can swing hard.
And I want to put all my
eggs in one basket with you
now, not later when it's safe.
And I know this is
probably all just
a summer rules thing with you.
But I wish you were all in.
I trust you now, even
though now is too late.
My mouth is dry.
Good.
My turn?
Yeah, I'm sorry.
You were right about
that night at the bar.
I was flirting with Walker.
Because it was a game.
He recognized me.
And he was going
to tell everyone.
And, you know, he played me.
So I wanted to play him.
And I know you must think
that I'm spoiled and selfish.
And I... I can be.
I can be a total idiot.
But I'm not a cheater.
And I don't do summer rules.
And I have not been
hanging out with Walker.
He's like 40.
Ew.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
That... that... that is
a complete fabrication.
The... the green screen, that
green thing that they use.
- No.
- That's what it is.
No.
It's night vision.
It's real.
And it was shot by
a dude that we all
know and trust, Danny O'Brien.
He wanted to be here.
We have evidence that
Charlie Schuyler intends
to clear cut Tilden
Head and construct
a new commercial airport open
to national commuter lines.
Why?
Why would you wreck Tilden Head?
Because it's wreckable!
It's called progress, Joe.
Somebody's got to do it.
At least, I'm local.
Goddamn birds.
The building
stands at $300 million.
By the power vested in me...
Let's slow this down a little.
Dougie.
Walker, look, I'm no lawyer,
but this has got to be some kind
of mistrial or something.
Let's... let's take
a minute here.
I mean... we're all sick to our
stomachs, sick in our hearts.
And we need our hearts to
make a decision like this.
Danny, what are you doing?
Wait, you don't understand.
Judge Milken, I propose that...
The next person to
interrupt these proceedings
will spend the week
in jail for contempt.
I got this, Joe.
Charlie, as a newly
indicted felon,
I think you're going
to have trouble keeping
your investors together.
But my bid stands, $300 million
American for Tilden Head.
And I promise to preserve it
as the jewel and the crown
of the Hamptons, a place open
to every resident every day,
a pinnacle of beauty and grace.
This is all very lyrical,
but what do you mean?
A casino.
He's going to put
a casino in there.
Well, that's ridiculous.
Because casinos aren't
even legal in this county.
He's already done it twice,
once in Texas, once in Florida.
He uses different names.
He exploits zoning variances
and exempt large parcels
of land from local restriction.
He's already filed for
approval from the governor,
his fraternity brother to
incorporate Tilden Head
and remove it from
town oversight.
Excellent, grasshopper.
Excellent.
Ambition and stealth,
it's a lethal combination.
What do you want?
Three to five sounds good.
3 million, done.
Not dollars, years.
What?
I'm sorry, dad.
I don't know who's going
to buy Tilden Head.
You know, and Schuyler's
probably right...
Somebody with that
kind of money,
maybe a golf resort, bunch
of condos, I don't know.
That just breaks my heart.
I mean, that's this island
the way it was born.
It's good, good.
And if you kill it, there's no
more watching that green light.
There's no more
swimming off that beach.
There's no more
smelling that air coming
off the hill in the summer.
Blackberries.
When we were young,
we used to pick
blackberries there together.
Blackberries, delicious.
So $300 million.
You know what?
Schuyler was right
about something else.
Those birds, they don't
live on Tilden Head.
All right, enough, Danny.
Jealous.
You're in over your head.
OK?
I like you.
And I pity you.
But if you continue to
slander me or obstruct this...
Sarge...
fair and equitable
business deal
that we're conducting here...
If there were an
accident in the parking lot
and a trunk popped
open as a result
and you happened to
notice some evidence
of an unsolved killing,
maybe blood or feathers
or anything, that would be
admissible in a court of law,
wouldn't it?
In plain view, resulting
from a totally random accident
like that?
Sure.
This is my town.
Sorry, folks.
The parking lot's closed.
Let's go that way.
Those birds
were stolen from an Audubon
Hospital in Connecticut.
Walker smuggled them
here in his trunk.
Oh my god.
He tortured
and maimed those birds just
to screw up Schuyler's plan.
Oh my god.
James Joyce... no, Dr. Seuss.
I'm sorry I lied to you, Joe.
Girly.
Hold onto these.
They're important.
Hoo-ah my ass,
don't mean nothing.
You should have
told me you liked
feathers in your.
Hey, Danny!
Remember the three piggies
Be the wolf, Danny!
He's never gonna be the wolf.
Where are you this winter?
Stayin' around.
Here?
Hm-hm.
Pff.
So why didn't you just tell me?
Because I promised.
My grandmother passed
away last year.
And she was worried
about Tilden Head.
She knew that the whole
state went to the bank.
So she literally made
me swear to her plan,
for me to come here,
identify the likely bidders,
and get to know them.
So the final decision is mine.
But you just ran
out on the auction.
I donated Tilden Head to the
East End Conservation Society.
That's what I was
trying to tell you.
It's going to be a park.
I signed the papers
in the city yesterday.
Family lawyers made me go ahead
with the auction just in case.
Just in case what?
Just in case I
regained my sanity
in time to make some money.
The probate papers were prepared
both ways for my signature.
And that's what you
just gave to my dad?
But I thought the bank
owned Tilden Head now.
It does.
But we own the bank.
It's complicated.
It sounds pretty
simple, actually.
Yeah, it's actually
pretty simple.
I was trying to save Tilden
Head, but you already saved it.
No, you saved it.
What?
What are you talking about?
Like I said before,
I screw up sometimes.
I thought about selling to
Walker and his easements
and just hoping that
he did the right thing.
Because I knew him.
Because the family lawyers
were all twitching.
But I watched this summer,
the way you do things,
the way you don't do things.
Nana would have loved you.
And then at the auction,
that just turned me on.
This is my town.
God, your shallow.
Are you still mad?
Let me think.
Um, are you really a painter?
Yes.
Do you really like my dad?
You know I do.
Were you lying to me
about anything else?
I'm in love with you.
I ran away, because I
fell in love with you.
God, that sounds so goofy.
Well, but it works for you.
Tell the truth.
Are your parents
going to hate me?
Has anyone ever told you
you smell like puppies?
Is that your answer?
It's the truth.
And both of my parents teach
high school in Chicago.
Oh, that old saw, huh?
So at the auction,
you ripped of Gatsby.
I know.
But you paraphrased.
Didn't feel right, you
know, saying it there.
So say it now.
"There once was a
chick from Chicago"
and as the moon rose higher,
the inessential houses began
to melt away until gradually I
became aware of the old island
here that flowered once
for Dutch sailor's eyes,
a fresh green breast
of the new world.
For a transitory
enchanted moment,
man must have held his breath in
the presence of this continent,
face to face for the
last time in history
"of something commensurate
to his capacity for wonder."
This is how I spend my life, ,
singin' old songs.
What if I waste my life..
And all my problems, so stupid
and not even..
It was supposed to snow
and it did for a minute.
There's no distraction now.
Spend these years..
But it's that much better.
It was supposed to snow.
But it didn't, so
there's no excuses now.
Wait, wait,
wait, wait for the action.
Clear out.
Clear out, everybody.
Clear out.
Clear out.
Clear out some more,
Josh, one more step out.
And action.
Hey.
Ah!
All right, all right, all
right, mom, mom, go, shoo,
fall on the way out, stairs.
- You.
- No, you.
You.
You.
You.
You.
I'll come again.
A bit on the nose, isn't it?
But this is Tilden Head.
Tilden, Rockefeller,
Nixon, Jixon, Maxim.
What the fuck?
You know, I feel
sorry for you two boys.
Dough.
Worrying about self...
Same sex...
Dough.
Fair... fair sex.
You are a snot
nose little goonie.
Free.
Dough.
You're worried about safe
sex all, uh, I get it mixed up.
That's, uh... that's rough.
Dough.
Dough.
I don't even know
what any of that was.
To the roots.
Don't stop the music.
Let it play I say.
Everybody rock this reggae.
Lift your voices,
make it strong.
We gonna sing it all night long.
Don't stop the music.
Let it play.
I wanna hear you say
long live reggae!
Rock the reggae.
You get that?
One more time.
Don't stop the music.
Let it play I say.
Everybody rock this reggae.
Lift your voices,
make it strong.
We gonna sing it all night long.
Don't stop the music.
Let it play.
I wanna hear you say
long live reggae.
Na, na, na.
Na, na, na, na, Na, na, na, na.
Na, na, na, na.
Na, na, na na, na.
Na, na, na, na.
Na, na, na, na, na.
Ladies and gentlemen, this
when we take a short break.
Don't go nowhere.
Just go to the bar
and buy out the bar.
We ain't goin' far.
In the roots.
Na, na, na, na.
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na.
I almost started...
I almost started walking
on that crab shell.
But not on that crab shell.
What sound does
the snowy egret make?
Hey, Sarge.
Hey, Danny.
You run out of gas?
Very funny.
How was graduation?
Ah, it was good.
Thanks for asking.
Your dad said your
fellowship award got yanked.
Ah, defunded.
Nice.
Sorry about that.
Thanks.
You guys all ready
for the season?
Bail to nail.
Bring 'em on.
All righty.
See you in a bit.
Dad, I'm home.
Dad, I'm home.
Do you like apples?
I guess.
Do you like to whack people?
Yeah, sometimes.
Yeah, right.
Ow!
Glad tidings, Danny boy.
Oh, no, Dad.
And they rented it
for the whole season.
Dad, I came home for the summer.
I know it, boy.
But the offer was there.
Only a fool chases money.
But only an ass turns it away.
I'm sorry, Danny.
We need the dough.
OK.
All right.
Have you lined up a
summer spot for us?
Oh, that's the genius part.
We're already here.
No, Dad.
No office.
No living on boats.
No camping.
I can't fool around this summer.
I've been waiting to tell
you the really big news.
They just announced it.
Tilden Head is for sale.
The whole thing?
Shore to shore.
Sand to tree tops.
I guess the Tildens must
have lost a couple of billion
in the market, huh?
Who can afford to buy a
9 square mile peninsula?
That's genius part.
It's an open auction...
Open to anyone who can
afford the minimum opening
bid of $300 million.
That's not our people.
Exactly.
That's why I need you.
I'm sorry, Danny.
I need you this summer
to help me land this.
This is all hands on deck,
all ears to the rail,
all dancers to the VIP lounge.
Do you know what 6%
of $300 million is?
$18 mill...
It's piles of money.
It's the pot at the
end of the rainbow.
It's birds in the trees
and macro crowded sea.
Who?
Yeates.
But...
Yes.
Sailing to Byzantium, yes.
Billy Yeats.
And before you know it,
here come the O'Briens.
The good news
is that I've allowed you
little turds to get
your foot in the door
of superlative properties.
And I want you to kick.
Kick just as hard as you can.
Now the season begins.
So I want you to go
on out there and bring
in the normal McMillionaire
to buy and sell...
Who does he think we
are, illegals or what?
So, do you have a boyfriend?
Maybe.
Now, there's one thing
that you need to understand
about the wealthy...
Mysterious.
I like that.
Do you have a boyfriend?
Considered nouveau
riche to have a lot of money.
Where are you from?
Chicago.
Where's your family from?
The land of the
brush-your-teeth people.
Have I lost
you already, Mr. Wilson?
What if I sell Tilden Head?
Oh, shit.
My uncle said that Tilden
Head is up for offer...
Oh, splendid.
The Wilson family
reads the newspaper.
Tilden Head, the biggest
deal of this season.
And guess what?
It is none of your
fucking business.
It is none of your
fucking business.
You three are preppified,
pedicured fishermen.
Half your job is going to
be here in this office,
watching me land the big fish.
And where do the big fish swim?
Out there on the golf
courses, in the spas,
fingering their nannies.
Well, your job is to find
them and bring them to me.
Now, the rich like
parties, don't they?
And we like the rich.
So what does that mean?
Anyone?
Logic?
We are alcoholic sycophants.
And?
I believe it was Justice
Scalia who coined the term...
Oh, stuff it.
Memorial
Day of the jackals, huh?
You don't get to complain to me.
You know I don't
want to be hear, Pop.
Sure enough.
For the boys.
Semper fi, brothers
of the firefight,
sons of the fireflies,
flight of the slumber bees.
Good one.
If it isn't the competition.
Hey, Charlie.
I conjured it.
You see that, Danny?
I said "fumble duck"
and he alighted.
How is the old head wound?
How is the old birth defect?
Oh, let me introduce you
to my summer baby associates.
Your little baby here, I think
you'd say, then, last summer.
Idiot children, I'd like
you to meet the O'Briens.
This is their last summer.
Nothing I cared.
In all my sky blue
trades that time
allows in all his
to tuneful turnings,
so few and such mourning songs.
For the children,
green and golden,
follow him out of grace.
A Grace among the Philistines.
A Clare, actually.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What is this, a joke
or a game, or some...
Well, I've got one.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Justin.
Justin, who?
Just in time to bust your ass.
He substitutes,
crudities for virility.
It's verbal priapism.
Let's go, dad.
Good idea, Danny.
Have a little drinky-poo
for, uh, Sloppy Joe here.
That is him.
What's the cheat sheet?
That mark there owns every
bottling plant in Mexico.
Take notes, guys, while I go
land the season's best deal.
You... you got a little
something in your teeth.
Yeah.
Yeah?
It's right on the... yup.
You don't have
anything in your teeth.
Hey, there.
How are you?
Do I know you?
Danny O'Brien.
It's nice to meet you.
I heard you were, uh, king
of pop south of the border,
but I don't know your name.
I'm Harold Philbert.
How are you?
I'm terrific, thanks for asking.
Good, good.
I'm going to be
straight with you.
I'm the top agent over
at O'Brien Realty.
Oh, Danny.
I'm not in the market for, uh...
But listen, you're got...
Say, John Wayne, right, married
Audrey Hepburn commissioned
Frank Lloyd Wright to build
a little classic chateau
in the Rocky Mountains.
Then you move that
little cottage
down to a private beach.
I like this.
You paint quite
a picture, Danny.
So, uh, so where is this place?
Sagaponack.
Excuse me.
Oh.
Hey, wait, wait, wait.
Excuse me.
Sorry, hi.
Hi.
- Hey, uh, what's goin' on?
- Oh, look our shoes match.
Yours are a little dirty though.
Oh, yeah.
Look, our shirts match.
See?
See?
They do, don't they?
And they're not dirty.
Not yet.
Yeah.
I think that could be a sign.
I think so, too.
Is one of these yours?
Uh, that's her right over there.
Ah, better music over there.
Oh, yeah.
Maybe you'll have better
luck selling him something.
You shouldn't say Sagaponack.
What?
You should say
Georgica Adjacent.
Audrey Hepburn
would never say Sag.
And you were doing
so well with that,
aw shucks, regular guy thing.
Danny O'Brien.
Clare Logan.
You seem to know an awful lot
about local real estate, Clare
Logan.
Well, I'm going to be a
top agent when I grow up.
So what are you now?
So far, I'm more of
an undiscovered painter.
What about you?
Well, I've spent
most of my life staying
out of local real estate.
And so far, I'm an
undiscovered ballerina.
Good one.
But why avoid real estate?
Well, the problem with
Georgica Adjacent, Miss.
Top Agent, is that
once you say adjacent,
you might as well call
the dump a local golf
course in progress.
You can call the
toilet a private pond.
Little slips have
a way of piling
up into complete bullshit.
I think everyone in the
game knows that the truth
is flexible, Danny.
I don't think it's a game.
Wow.
You are so close
to doofy, it's...
It's kind of sweet.
So what do you think about
this whole Tilden Head deal?
May I show you something?
See that big dark thing
looming over there?
That's Tilden Head.
I know.
See the light over here?
It's the light that
Gatsby watched.
East Egg.
Is this the actual spot?
Technically, no.
The truth is flexible, right?
- Good one.
This is truly my favorite
place in the world.
Well, then, thank you
for sharing it with me.
So Dylan Thomas and,
uh, Fitzgerald, huh?
Yeah.
The Easter Bunny and the Tooth
Fairy shopped at the bookstore.
So now, I mostly just watch TV.
Rebel.
Yeah.
Hey, Danny, you wanna
do a boing-boing, dude?
Natives are jobless.
Not now, Hoonie, not now.
All right, whatever.
You don't wanna
do a boing-boing?
Not on the first date.
Besides, I don't want to
give away any O'Brien family
secrets, not to the enemy.
Anyways, I gotta showing
early in the morning.
There's that scout's honor.
Go get 'em.
You won't find
better beach front.
I mean, take a look
out that window.
That's your dock right there.
$4 million's a steal here.
And the water here is deep
enough for my Intercruiser?
If it isn't deep enough already,
we'll motor a dredger out here.
And we can clear it out for you.
Hey.
We've got ultracold
side by sides.
You got Kuger ranges,
professional gas tops.
You've got Greco-Roman
marble, everything.
And I can keep my
chipmunks in here.
Right.
They'll love it.
I mean, have you ever
seen such ambient light?
I love ambient light.
Me, too.
Come on, let me
show you something.
- He's very nice.
- It's perfect.
He's very nice.
Get ready for the architect
designed master bedroom?
No, wait.
Let's see the pool first.
Actually, there's no pool.
What did we say?
Why are we here?
No, pool?
Wait a second, honey.
But we can put one in, right?
The problem is you can't
really dig in this area.
I mean, the water tables
are at like 5 feet.
Your liner would
crack every winter.
I need a pool.
You can get a really
excellent above ground pool.
No pool, no boat.
No, wait a second, baby.
Nice work, buddy.
Honey?
Let me tell you...
Let me tell you... let
me tell you what I would do.
- OK.
If this were... if
this were my house.
I'm thinking big.
I'm thinking we stick an
Olympic size pool right there,
get a clear site line
towards the ocean.
You know, very Riviera style.
You guys been to the Riviera?
- Yeah.
Wait, can we do that?
Are we allowed to do that?
Are you allowed to do that?
What, you mean like
split Social Security?
Am I right?
- Good one.
Come on, I'll show you...
I'll show you the back.
Let's go.
Money is money.
You believe that, and
you can have everything.
Come on, ladies.
Milk me of knowledge.
This water's makes
me totally wet.
OK.
That's a little on the
nose, don't you think?
Try sounding like
you don't really
realize what you're saying.
I have a rear entry Mercedes.
Sex and money, but you can't
quite put your finger on it.
I love that.
That's a sweet ascot.
Do you want to go for
a Rolex in the hay?
Oh, OK.
Yeah.
You're so nice.
Um, I actually use Dior.
Does this coaching
stuff actually work?
Oh, for sure.
Rich guys are just
like regular guys.
You just have to let them
think that they're in charge.
That's cool.
I'm so into rich guys.
But what he if wants a pre-nup?
You don't sign a pre-nup.
So, like, who do
you think this summer?
Any of the guys
that are on the board
at one of the museums.
Or like, my ex-husband used
to give to the orphans.
And that, like, totally
worked out, too.
Um, I just...
I just want to check.
Should it be burning like this?
Yes, it should.
It's exfoliating.
And the chocolate
is tanning you.
I am so sorry I keep
coming out of this.
See, ladies, I'm really
not coming out of anything.
But it will hold their
attention all night long.
Hey, ahoy reala-statey.
Oh, we're... we're
actually just closing up.
Yeah, but I just saw a
killer house on Dune Lane I
gotta get into like right now.
Can you hook me up?
Hey, are you, uh,
O'Brien Realty?
Uh, no.
I'm Danny O'Brien.
Ah, well, Danny O'Brien,
hook me up, all right?
I'll make it worth your while.
All right, I better drive.
All right.
Walker, is that a first name?
Or...
Bigger, better.
What?
I like this truck.
Thanks.
Yup.
So what do you do?
No, Danny, where are you from?
Excuse me?
What do you do?
That's the first question
of the bourgeoisie.
The wealthy recoil
from that question.
Where are you from, that gets
you rolling a lot better.
Thanks.
Yeah.
So where are you from?
Well, Danny, I'm a professor.
I've developed a methodology
of integrated ambition.
Methodology of
integrated ambition?
A methodology of
integrated ambition.
Ah, integrated, like
healthy and balanced?
Hm.
Yeah.
I'll believe it when I see it.
Yes, sir.
Hoo-ah.
You drive like a rabid dog.
I gotcha these.
I was going to bring
them to your office.
But this is better,
local beach flowers.
Audrey Hepburn
would probably toss
them straight into the trash.
You stole me flowers?
I love them.
Hey, you goin' to
the movies tonight?
OK.
Your car or mine?
Hm, mine.
How you doin', Danny?
Hey.
So here's a challenge for you.
Yeah?
Forget about love for 10 years.
Done.
You want to get rich?
You wanna marry a hottie and
pop out little Danny O'Briens?
Yeah?
Dedicate 10 solid years of
your life to your career...
No friends, no family.
You want sex, you hire it.
You just put your nose to
the grindstone for 10 years.
By the time you're 35,
you're filthy rich.
And then you turn around.
You pick the best, the
brightest, the most
beautiful woman you can find.
In those top shelf women's
sport, they need the money.
I don't care what they say.
It doesn't sound
very integrated.
And besides, can somebody
act like a jerk for 10 years
and not actually become a jerk?
The pursuit of money
makes someone a jerk?
No.
I... I mean, you know, the
pursuit of jerks better make me
and my dad some money
this summer, you know?
What do you think
about the house?
Oh, yeah.
I'll take it.
Are you kidding?
Do I look kidding?
I mean, it's a $13 million...
It's... it's a big decision.
Ah, it's an investment.
Speaking of big,
though, I got a big deal
at the end of the summer.
This works out,
maybe and I could
do that together, all right?
So, Danny, you ever heard
of the information economy?
Yeah, the information economy
is a theoretical construct.
It locates the
post-manufacturing errors.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, knowledge is power.
So we understand each other?
Yeah, I think.
Hoo-ah.
Well.
So what was the first movie
you ever saw at the theater?
Gangs of New York.
Jeez, like the cartoon?
No, like the premier, actually.
I was 8.
I got so scared
that I fell asleep.
And then Daniel had to...
Who's Daniel, like
your little brother?
No, no, he's just a friend.
Ah.
Young love at the cinema.
Uh-oh.
Oh my goodness.
Oh my goodness.
Oh my goodness.
What got into you?
What do you mean?
I mean, I thought
you were really cute
and that we would have
this long flirtation
and then make out
at some bonfire.
But then you would start
to act like a frat boy.
So I would be like, oh,
he's not for me feeling.
So then I'd probably pine you
off on all of my girlfriends
who I didn't even
really like that much
to begin with, because
she was so self-absorbed.
And you two would hook up and
kill two birds with one stone.
And then I'd go to
my easel, and I'd
paint something really intense.
Hm.
What's your
girlfriend look like?
Seriously.
You seem different.
No, seriously, though.
When am I going to get to see
the rest of your paintings?
Are you going to
answer the question?
What got into me?
I don't know.
I get this feeling sometimes
with the summer people.
I don't know if it's the
money or the cars or perfume.
But, it makes me feel different.
Like...
- It does that to everyone.
- Yeah.
But today, I had a
$13 million sale.
Oh my god.
Why didn't you tell me?
- I don't know.
I just... I just wanted
to go on a date.
I didn't want to talk about it.
And, you know, I swear, like,
I wasn't thinking about it.
But I was still...
I was still feeling it.
It made me feel...
- Bigger.
- I guess.
So how long were
you fishing this guy?
I wasn't, just today.
Wow.
Who was he?
I don't know, some
guy named Walker.
Won't even tell me what he does.
Walker owns a decent chunk
of Walker Pharmaceuticals.
Walker, bigger, better.
He told me right off.
I'm an idiot.
Well, but it works for you.
So how did you sell him?
Well, I didn't.
I don't... I don't sell people.
I mean, that's
the whole problem.
Look, if I had a methodology
of integrated ambition,
I wouldn't even
be here right now.
What?
And why not?
I want to be here.
I like being here.
- Why?
Why?
Yeah.
Why?
Well, because you look right
at me when you're laughing.
Because you're nice to my dad.
Because you seem...
You seem smart,
experienced in
some way, good way.
Does that make sense?
Yeah.
What about me?
I was teasing you
before about being a dork.
But the truth is that it
gets me a little bit silly.
The way you talk to me
like you're actually
listening to what I
have to say makes me
feel like you actually like me.
Isn't that sort of a given?
You'd be surprised.
May I also point
out, since you failed
to mention my chiseled abs?
I knew it.
A shark in dolphin's clothing.
Oh, I don't... I don't sell.
That's not a sale.
You want... you
want to see a sale?
I'll sell you something.
Oh my goodness.
Dad, what are you doing?
Dad...
It's funny.
Sometimes Charlie
Schuyler yanking my chain,
going around telling
people I'm old fashioned.
I'm a kook.
Poetry's for drunks
and Europeans.
What did he do, dad?
He couldn't even let
us have one big sale.
Your sale to Walker,
he bollixed it somehow.
We knew it would keep us afloat.
Not even fair competition...
Slow down.
What... what happened?
Charlie found another buyer.
Foster Cabot's got contracts
over at the bank saying
the sale was made this morning.
Cabot's got the paperwork.
Superlative's got the sale.
Yo, spark it up, Danny, dude.
Have you seen the smoker,
that smoked sucker.
Check out my Clean Air Act.
Now, how much would you pay?
Hoonie.
Actually, Danny.
Can I talk to you
about something?
Hoonie, look.
Foster Cabot Nose Picker III.
Hey, Danny.
I made a good sale
yesterday, Schuyler.
You and Cabot are cheating.
Cheating?
Oh, Danny.
Don't be a sore loser.
You know, one of the things
that I've always liked about you
is that you made last
place look rather romantic
in a potato famine sort of way.
Mr. Wilson...
Yeah.
Please remove this detritus
and take those documents
over to Judge Milkin.
You got it, chief.
You have the zoning
commissioner in your pocket,
too?
I'll tell you what I've
got in my pocket, Danny.
I've got balls.
I've got brass balls, something
you know nothing about.
He'll come back.
He'll be baggage handler.
Watch your mouth, slick.
And the home of the brave.
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to this 66th annual
artists and writers celebrity
softball game here in East
Hampton at Herrick Park.
We're thrilled that
you're here this year.
We hope you have a great time.
Don't forget, by your raffles.
Buy your one-of-a-kind...
Danny, you clam-digging..
What are you doin' here?
Don't call people
names, Nose Picker.
Tell me, what does trust mean?
What does trust mean?
What do you do at
Propriety Trust Bank?
I manage large
cap for foreigners
and disperse limited access
guardian or estate trusts.
Ooo!
You pass allowances
to zillionaires.
Something like that.
So you know a lot
about their finances?
I know everything, old boy.
Bully for you.
So I'm going to
need the name of one
of your clients, someone who'd
be willing to buy a house,
like today.
I'm in the game now, old boy.
It's my turn.
Give me a name.
Danny.
No, see that's my name.
I need the name of
one of your clients,
someone who's fiduciary
trust you must not breach.
How long has Schuyler been
paying you to give him...
Oh, wait.
Melissa... Melissa Devonshire.
But what you've
gotta understand is...
If this were a boat, this
would be called the poop deck.
Do I know you?
Ah, sorry, Melissa.
It's Danny O'Brien.
Vodka violator with
a splash of gin?
That's my drink.
Come on up here.
Sweet party.
Thank you.
Have you ever played
drink or swim?
Uh, no.
Hey, everybody.
Show me your poop deck!
This is a sweet party.
I know.
But I don't cry, because
this is sweet house, too.
- What?
- Well, yeah.
Just so you know, this... this
house is actually in your name.
It's a tax credit for something.
You own it.
What?
You're very beautiful.
Thank you.
I'm secretly engaged
to be married.
Sh.
Oh.
Topher, right?
Yes, Topher.
Yeah, he seems like a great guy.
I know.
And he's beautiful.
And you're beautiful.
And if you guys
want to be together,
you should be together whatever
your stupid parents say.
Right?
Like, Amagansett?
Yeah.
In like a totally cozy storybook
cottage down on the beach.
Yes.
Like a state of the
art recording studio
in the basement?
Yes.
What?
Topher is a singer, songwriter.
- Really?
- Really.
Kiss me to seal the deal.
- Well, I...
What's the matter?
Melissa... listen, I just...
Cat got your tongue?
Give Melissa your tongue, cat.
Well, I think that this listing
just came on the market, so...
And get violated.
I think that...
Woo!
OK.
Listen, this house just
came on the market.
Uh-hm.
So... and what we...
Stop.
What, we're not right.
This isn't right.
Why would you do that?
Topher!
Topher!
It was a $3 million cottage.
Oh, so you had no
problem selling a $3 million
house to an 18-year-old girl.
But you drew the line at tongue.
License my roving hands and
let them go, before, behind,
between, above, below.
Oh, my America, my
new-found land, how blessed
am I in this discovering thee.
Who?
Who?
Oh, this is good.
My father with better breasts.
Don't be crude.
John Dunne would've sold
that little girl a bridge.
And he was a clergyman.
Oh.
Relax, Danny.
I'm teasing you.
I mean, it's not like
you slept with her
and then disappeared and
never called or stopped by.
Are you faking an ice
cream headache right now
No I wanted to...
Wow.
You really can't lie, can you?
Just admit it.
You didn't call me,
because you thought
that I told Schuyler about your
beach house deal with Walker.
Right?
Yes.
I'm not a cheater.
Good.
I'm there this summer,
because I have to be.
I don't want to
be a Superlative.
You know, consider
yourself an honorary O'Brien.
Come work with us.
Not to be ungrateful, Joe.
But I think I'd want to see
you guys win a few games
before I sign on to the team.
Oh.
It's not a game.
Then all the more reason.
Oh, tough, too.
Girly, if you can dance,
my quest is at an end.
La, dun, la, la, dun,
la, dun, dun, la, la, la.
La, la, la, la, la,
La, la, la, la, la, la.
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
Sometimes you want
the whole picnic basket,
something to get you excited.
Sometimes it's good
to have a screw top.
But one thing is for sure.
If it doesn't get you
excited, it's not incentive.
That's beautiful, wonderful,
absolutely tremendous.
The line is screw cap, though.
I like screw top.
Well, I'm partial
to screw top myself.
You like wine, Danny?
Yes, sir.
You like feet?
Yeah.
You cannot have good
wine without big feet.
No, sir.
Stomping.
Am I right, Kelly?
You have a good aroma
about you, Danny,
an early hint of crisp green.
Thanks.
How's you finish?
My...
It's one thing I hate.
It's wine that smells
good, has good color,
starts out full, but then
fades and leaves a tinny aura.
Yes, sir.
I'll get straight
to the point then.
Foster Cabot suggest
I talk to you
about buying some retail store
front door in Southampton.
Retail?
Do I look like a shop owner?
No.
No, sir.
But, you know,
commercial property
can be used to hide
assets from your ex-wives.
I take very good
care of my ex-wives.
And from your current wife.
- What?
- Danny.
Uh, screw this.
Well, screw you, Hugh.
Danny, weak finish, bad aura.
Amityville aura, definitely.
I have a long one here.
Walks play right.
Danny.
Don't touch.
Amityville what?
Amityville aura.
But he didn't laugh?
No, he was pissed.
He was a dick.
Whatever.
But he was right.
I was too hungry.
You know, I started talking...
I love this game.
Didn't this game
used to be British?
Aye!
Sophie, you silly
git, hit the ball.
I start talking money too soon.
Basically, every sale I'm
either too soft or I'm too hard.
Oh, that is a
sticky wicket, what?
Never mind, I don't know.
All I'm trying to do
is buy a house here.
And to tell you
the truth, so far,
I'm not really that satisfied.
But I like you.
So the lesson for today is this.
Life is like croquet.
What, be the ball?
What?
No.
No, be a man, man.
Swing the mallet hard.
There's no nobility in failure.
Look, our balls are touching.
You little shit.
Hoo-ah.
Hoo-ah.
I'm sorry, I love you work.
- Unbelievable.
- Isn't that what they say?
Unbelievable.
What's the score?
So he a dick.
Forget about it.
Yeah.
But do you ever think how many
of the things that, you know,
we think are so
delicious or beautiful
or noble are really covered
with somebody else's toe jam?
Haggis.
Spam, spam, spam,
spam, and haggis.
All of like the truly,
you know, innovative people,
the ones that actually cure
brain cancer, something, you
know, they're the people
that aren't afraid to take
their shoes off and
just, I don't know,
stomp a few obsolete rules.
Have you been hanging
out with Walker again?
I can't talk about that.
What?
Let's not talk shop.
You really don't trust me.
I don't know.
What's Schuyler been up to?
What's his whole plan with
this Tilden Head thing?
I don't know yet.
Well, so you don't trust me.
I wouldn't be here
if I didn't trust you.
But I mean, even you
said you wanted to see
me win a few games, right?
So maybe Walker's right.
You need power to do
good in this world.
Hey, Danny, Walker's own family
flipped on him, because he
was faking research results.
So you have been
hanging out with Walker.
You're so cute.
Not only can you not tell a
lie, you can't keep a secret.
I'm not cute.
And here's a secret.
We can't see the
fireworks from here.
We can hear them.
But they're over
on the bay side.
How about this for a visual?
So why are we here?
Because this is the one
night of the year when
nobody comes this side of town.
Oh, good one.
Shadow puppets.
Shadow puppets.
Oh, say does that
Star Spangled Banner yet save,
o'er the land of the free
and the home of the brave.
Play ball with me.
I mostly trust you.
But I'm totally
in love with you.
Oh my goodness.
Whoa.
Ah!
So how are things
at the pet store?
I filed the last of the
blind trust commitments.
Oh, come on.
Nose picker, indulge me.
All of the puppies
have been adopted.
And I mean all of the
kittens have been neutered.
And the kibble, it's
filled with Luden?
The Luden... you got
half a billion sand
dollars under your control.
And there are no
more fish in the sea.
You know?
I'm going to drop the ax
on Joe on Bastille Day,
because it's funny.
Funny, ha-ha.
Funny.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's the French
Independence Day.
So it's like July
4, but for France.
And it's when, um, they
decided to, basically,
execute all the rich people who
were taking all of their money.
Wow.
What are you?
Mozart.
And this is Marie Antoinette.
What Mozart French?
I don't think so.
You have to sing!
Cham...
Cham...
pan-ya.
Pain.
Does that look like a dog sorta?
Hey, sport.
Oh, hey, Walker.
How'd you get in this party?
Uh, actually, I was invited.
Walker, Clare.
Clare, Walker.
Suki suki, y'all.
Ah, I always answer that number.
So we gotta go.
I told you we'd have to
move fast on this deal.
Yeah.
But I mean, this is...
Hey, you ever played peekaboo?
Watch.
Boom.
Walker, cut it out.
Danny, you like driving games?
Have some fun.
This isn't fun.
Besides, who's the
caddy up front?
What's Clare's last name?
Turn on your lights.
No?
You don't know
Clare's last name?
It's Logan.
It's Clare Logan.
Why?
Why, exactly.
All right, name the two
wealthiest communities
in the United States.
- Huh?
You get it right, I'll
give you headlights.
I don't know, West Palm
Beach and Beverly Hills.
No.
Atherton, California and
Kenilworth, Illinois.
Never heard of them.
Exactly.
The super rich, Danny?
Not really, really, really,
rich, like me, but the ultra
wealthy, like rich
like the ocean is wet,
you'll never know they're there.
And they're no fun.
They got so much money, they
don't even care anymore.
Uh, I think...
I think this is
private property.
God, you're a wonk.
Here.
What the hell?
Who does tree work in
the middle of the night?
Someone who can't
get the permits
to do it in the daytime.
But this is Tilden Head.
Yeah, Tilden, Rockefeller,
Nixon, Johnson, bunch
of dead white guys.
That's all in the past.
This is someone who
thinks he owns the future.
Schuyler.
Yeah.
He thinks Tilden Head is a new
airport waiting to happening.
He's got everybody in on it.
He's going to make a fortune.
There's only three
things stopping him.
What?
Those protected dwarfed
pine, those endangered
great blue herons, and us.
Wait.
What blue herons?
Why didn't they fly away?
Protecting their fledglings?
So why am I here?
Look, I've got investors
lined up out of town, all right?
At the auction when it's too
late for him to cover up,
I want you to testify
to what you're
seeing right here, right now.
Then you're going to
make 6% of hundreds
of millions of dollars.
But what are you doing
to do with Tilden Head?
I'm going to rename it
Daniel O'Brien Memorial Park.
And I'm going to raise
fuzzy bunnies here
to donate to the sick
children of the world.
It's about tax credits, OK?
You remember about
the super rich?
My investors are going to
make a nice rate of return
just by turning Tilden Head
into conservation easements.
Easements?
Yeah, easements
plus the bunnies.
Just focus on the grassy knoll.
Charlie Schuyler's lost
his corrupted little mind.
Hey, you're telling me.
Sarge, what's this all about?
The bank called
your note in, Danny.
They've decided
to shut you down.
I can't stop them.
Bankrupt in the
middle of the night.
OK.
OK.
Listen, I got to sale.
I got Tilden Head Labor Day
weekend, the whole pot of gold,
OK?
- Really, Danny?
Yeah.
Really, that's capital, capital.
We are licensed
real estate brokers.
But where are we gonna sleep?
Come on home with me, Joe.
I'd welcome the company.
That is so kind of you, Dougie.
Should we pick up a
bottle on the way?
I've got one in the cruiser.
Danny?
I'm good, Sarge, thanks.
I gotta check in on a friend.
There once was a
maiden from Montauk who made
all the sailors boats rock.
She deepened their ocean
with a gyrating motion,
but mostly she straight..
OK, dad.
You know that one.
Oh my god.
If my music makes
you feel like dancing,
why won't you dance?
Why won't you dance?
But if my music
makes you feel like...
Hello.
Hey, sport.
So you guys know each other?
No.
No.
After our little
drive, Clare called me
and just wanted to get a drink.
You called him?
Yes, technically.
But not because... not...
Not what your thinking.
So tell me the flexible
truth here that's
going to make this all good.
I can't right now.
You know what?
Don't even worry about it.
It's totally all right.
Everyone trades up.
It's just integrated
ambition, right?
Now, sport.
It's-it's...
I'm not your sport, chief.
We're having a drink.
You think I don't
recognize this?
That's called
signaling for a mate.
Oh, so you took
psych 101, and you
get to be a judgemental prick?
You have such a chip on
your shoulder, Danny.
Just can't wait to be
the underdog, can you?
Maybe at work.
In love, I like to
be the only dog.
God, you're so simplistic.
Oh, and you're so sophisticated?
Maybe the rules of the game
are just too complicated
for me to understand.
Are they?
This is my bar.
If my music makes you feel
like dancing, why won't dance?
Why won't you dance?
I got those.
I got 'em.
Thanks, Annie.
Hey, eyes on the prize.
Whatever you say, professor.
Show me you're a professional.
Channel that feeling.
Money's not personal.
God, this was a bad day.
All right, I understand you
and Clare got mad chemistry.
You saw a chance to
crush with a summer girl.
And you're a sensitive guy.
So you pretend it's
not just summer rules.
Just, you're a
healthy kid, Danny.
But Clare and I, we have
something different.
Because Clare is a...
Tilden.
You know I was just telling
Danny I was going to give you
a ride home for your safety.
Danny, my name is Clare Tilden.
I'm really sorry.
But I can't tell you
anything else right now.
Please, just try to trust me.
Tilden, like the point?
Yes, Tilden like the point.
Clare Logan, you're...
You're an undiscovered painter.
Have you been lying
this whole time?
Give me my key.
You can these back tomorrow.
I tried to tell you, right?
Look, you stay out of the
way for a few more weeks.
And we still have a deal.
It gets easier.
Oh, hey.
Danny, man.
I gotta tell you something.
Definitely not now.
No way, because I've
been trying to talk to you.
You, like, my dad
got this promotion.
So we got to move to
Miami which totally sucks,
except I guess I can
homegrown Cuban or something.
But so we got to sell
our house really quick.
And I was just
wondering why, um,
the real estate dudes haven't,
like, called my mom back.
Because your house
is a piece of shit.
But, like, my mom was
all crying, because how
can we buy a house in Miami?
No, but, because we can't
sell our house here.
My parents keep fighting
and the chimps are going
to miss the start of school.
Hold shit.
- OK.
Hoonie, Hoonie, Hoonie.
Professionally
speaking, I have a very
critical question for you, OK?
Do you have any drugs?
Step into my office.
Have you met my
summer associate?
Why didn't they fly away?
I've missed this, pop.
Oh, Clare stopped by
the shop this morning.
I was just sittin'
outside for a minute.
Said you acted like an ass.
Yeah, because I felt like one.
I shoulda known she was
too good to be true.
I don't know about that.
She also said goodbye.
What?
She was leavin'.
I... I thought it
was an overreaction.
But she just...
Oh, no, no, no.
It's OK.
It's good.
It's good business.
She can sell him the point,
marry him, fuck him to death,
get it back, and
then sell it again.
That's an ugly
thing to say, Danny
O'Brien, ugly and ignorant.
Is that how you mean to sound?
No, sir.
During my second tour
when things got bad,
I kept dreaming
about the ocean here,
the... the smell and the light
and dreamed myself right
back into it until it was over.
I was 23.
I thought about gettin' a lot
of stuff, doin' a lot of stuff.
One night, I lay in my rack,
and I counted out the list
of things I actually wanted.
And the top take
five were right here.
I felt lucky.
I still feel lucky.
You still miss mom?
I put all my eggs
in one basket there.
Of course, that was the only
way I knew how to do things.
She was the best thing that
could ever have happened to me.
She knew.
You know, I'm OK
with you drinkin' and...
And your poetry.
But, uh, you know,
I like it when you
talk straight, too, sometimes.
Fair enough.
Hey, guys.
Sorry, I'm late.
I'm gonna go fire up.
I got that new
fishfinder for us.
Oh, fishfinder.
Pox.
Uh, Danny, dude.
Quinn.
Get out of the way, Hey.
Hey, Danny.
I got it all set up for ya.
Thanks for helping us out, huh?
No problem.
Congratulations on the, uh,
promotion, Mr. Hunsecker.
Cornholing is more like it.
Uh, mom, come on.
We've been at
United for 25 years.
And they re-assign him without
so much as a fruit basket.
Honey, Danny has
a job to do here.
- OK.
- Let give you a quick tour.
What... what... what's happening?
OK.
That's the bathroom upstairs.
Any time you use the sink, it
drips a little bit, nothing
that you're going to notice.
So Hoonie invented the first
ever water recycling plant
watering system.
The hydroponicator.
We should probably take it down.
No, no.
It's good.
It gives the house a little
bit of character, you know?
It's good.
Hey, Max.
Yeah.
Thanks very much.
No problem.
See you in a bit.
Cool.
Thank you.
So these are, like, normal
chocolate chip cookies, right?
Yeah.
All right, that's a no.
It's one of my favorite
parts, man, outdoor shower.
Yeah.
What do you want to say?
Do you want me to
buy this house?
Everything is like this machine.
It's like...
Energy guy.
Ah, see?
Yeah.
It's leaking from the top.
Ah.
Enough.
Enough.
It's enough.
I'm going.
Thanks.
Thanks for the visit?
It's pretty solid.
They don't build 'em
like this anymore.
When was this house built?
Uh, the '60s.
They built a bunch of them
out here for the veterans.
This one's startin' to show
its age a little though.
Don't we call that loaded
with the rustic charm?
Yeah, assuming you find
replacing all the beat up
gutters charming.
Oh, that's silly.
That's just superficial.
The walls are dry, right?
This house has good bones.
My dad says that.
Yeah.
He says that house either
has good bones or it doesn't.
You can't add 'em, and
you can't take 'em away.
You dad sounds like a romantic.
He is.
What's the asking price?
$540,000.
That's a fine price.
Tell them I'll take
good care of it.
Congratulations.
Uh.
Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Hunsecker,
this is Phyllis Lowell.
She wants to buy your house.
Good job, Danny.
Thank you.
Pretty cool.
Big plans for Labor Day, Danny?
Oh, I don't think so, sir.
Probably just find
somewhere to live.
Maybe you can help us find
decent quarters for our...
Our guys this fall.
We hired 20 guys to
bring in the last crop.
And we used to put
them up in the barn.
But we had to sell the barn.
What about the old
Coast Guard barracks?
Oh, they rent those?
I don't know.
I could make a call.
The fall, you're gonna hunt
with us this fall, Danny?
No, no.
I don't think Mr. Farnsworth.
You were always a little soft.
Uh.
Hey, Mr. Farnsworth,
if you were chasing
a great blue heron around,
what would... what would
keep them from running off?
Blue hairs?
Great blue heron, pa.
Oh, not on this farm.
There's too much
dwarf pine around.
What?
You know, I feel
very sorry for you
two boys, worrying about
safe sex your whole lives.
Grandpa.
I got poison ivy on
my back so bad one time
I couldn't move for a month.
That's... that's tough.
Yeah.
But what about the great blue
herons and all the dwarf pine?
He just misses sex.
I miss the tractor, too, Henry.
That's
the game, ladies and gentlemen.
A victory for.
Can you imagine mounting
anything so beautiful?
Yes.
So why do you hate me?
Because you stole that
beach house from me?
Pillow talk's fair game.
You know that.
You're a bad girl.
And what is this?
Let's go inspect a
stable and I'll show you.
GPQ-0408F like fox,
Judge Milken presiding.
On behalf of its owners and
by order of the probate court
of Suffolk County State of New
York for absolute auction...
Hoo-ah.
Well, I... for absolute
auction, the property
commonly known as Tilden Head.
It's 700 acres, 9.3
miles of waterfront.
All ground and air rights
as well as flora and fauna...
Glory be to god
for dappled things,
for rose moles all in stipple
upon trout that stream.
Dougie, get that drunk
out of these proceedings.
Public forum.
Plus, he's sober.
Well, fuck it.
Let's just get on with it,
so we can get this over with.
Here ye.
Yikes.
Hi.
Hi.
What are you doin' here?
Um, I'm actually
looking for your dad.
Is he here?
No.
He's at your auction, I'm sure.
You know, captain and the
whole sinking ship thing.
Listen, what I said earlier
about the whole primate
signaling thing, I didn't
take Psych 101, OK?
I wrote an entire paper
on pheremone interactions.
Danny, sorry.
But I'm really kinda
supposed to go to this thing.
Great.
Definitely.
Sorry.
I better drive.
In the seller's
absence, I am instructed
to conduct the bidding process.
Make known your offers now.
Indeed.
Today is, indeed, a
glorious day for me,
for us, for our
beloved community,
Superlative Properties,
together with a group
of private investors,
proudly proffer
the required $300 million bid.
Blood money.
Put up or shut up, Joe.
300 million actual dollars.
$300 million and 1.
Sweet.
So in the interest of
getting on with it,
I'd like to share a
little home movie that I
made that's part of my offer.
You're a good actress.
I know.
I do it a lot.
I don't like people knowing
who I am, because then they'll
never see who I actually am.
But I know you never trusted me.
I hated that.
Yeah.
I wanted to talk
to you about that.
There are some things
I wanted to tell you.
You know, I should
tell you that...
Let me go first.
I want to say this.
And don't want to not say this.
I never liked my dad's business.
You know, it always involved
a lot of rich summer people
who treated everything and
everyone as if they were
replaceable, because they were.
They always act as if they
didn't care if it was day
or night, because they didn't.
You know, and my dad,
I mean, he would sell.
He would bend words into a
pretty little origami flowers.
And he would stretch the
truth like taffy flavoring it
with whatever he had
to in order to sell
the house to those people.
You could do
anything that you want.
But, wait.
I sold a house the other
day, a beat up little old
starter home where everybody
crowded the contract,
the buyer and the seller.
They cared so much.
And it made me feel even
bigger than that easy sale
with Walker.
It was scary.
I loved my job all of a sudden.
Good.
Are you selling me a house?
Me?
I'm selling you me.
I know that you think
I'm too serious and...
And I'm whatever, doofy.
And you know what?
You're right.
I just wanted to tell
you that I realized
that I care about things.
I just care what happens.
And, you know, I know
you've been hanging
out with Walker in the city.
And I know that we don't even
have that much in common.
And I know you
have to do what you
have to do with Tilden Head.
But money or no money,
I can swing hard.
And I want to put all my
eggs in one basket with you
now, not later when it's safe.
And I know this is
probably all just
a summer rules thing with you.
But I wish you were all in.
I trust you now, even
though now is too late.
My mouth is dry.
Good.
My turn?
Yeah, I'm sorry.
You were right about
that night at the bar.
I was flirting with Walker.
Because it was a game.
He recognized me.
And he was going
to tell everyone.
And, you know, he played me.
So I wanted to play him.
And I know you must think
that I'm spoiled and selfish.
And I... I can be.
I can be a total idiot.
But I'm not a cheater.
And I don't do summer rules.
And I have not been
hanging out with Walker.
He's like 40.
Ew.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
That... that... that is
a complete fabrication.
The... the green screen, that
green thing that they use.
- No.
- That's what it is.
No.
It's night vision.
It's real.
And it was shot by
a dude that we all
know and trust, Danny O'Brien.
He wanted to be here.
We have evidence that
Charlie Schuyler intends
to clear cut Tilden
Head and construct
a new commercial airport open
to national commuter lines.
Why?
Why would you wreck Tilden Head?
Because it's wreckable!
It's called progress, Joe.
Somebody's got to do it.
At least, I'm local.
Goddamn birds.
The building
stands at $300 million.
By the power vested in me...
Let's slow this down a little.
Dougie.
Walker, look, I'm no lawyer,
but this has got to be some kind
of mistrial or something.
Let's... let's take
a minute here.
I mean... we're all sick to our
stomachs, sick in our hearts.
And we need our hearts to
make a decision like this.
Danny, what are you doing?
Wait, you don't understand.
Judge Milken, I propose that...
The next person to
interrupt these proceedings
will spend the week
in jail for contempt.
I got this, Joe.
Charlie, as a newly
indicted felon,
I think you're going
to have trouble keeping
your investors together.
But my bid stands, $300 million
American for Tilden Head.
And I promise to preserve it
as the jewel and the crown
of the Hamptons, a place open
to every resident every day,
a pinnacle of beauty and grace.
This is all very lyrical,
but what do you mean?
A casino.
He's going to put
a casino in there.
Well, that's ridiculous.
Because casinos aren't
even legal in this county.
He's already done it twice,
once in Texas, once in Florida.
He uses different names.
He exploits zoning variances
and exempt large parcels
of land from local restriction.
He's already filed for
approval from the governor,
his fraternity brother to
incorporate Tilden Head
and remove it from
town oversight.
Excellent, grasshopper.
Excellent.
Ambition and stealth,
it's a lethal combination.
What do you want?
Three to five sounds good.
3 million, done.
Not dollars, years.
What?
I'm sorry, dad.
I don't know who's going
to buy Tilden Head.
You know, and Schuyler's
probably right...
Somebody with that
kind of money,
maybe a golf resort, bunch
of condos, I don't know.
That just breaks my heart.
I mean, that's this island
the way it was born.
It's good, good.
And if you kill it, there's no
more watching that green light.
There's no more
swimming off that beach.
There's no more
smelling that air coming
off the hill in the summer.
Blackberries.
When we were young,
we used to pick
blackberries there together.
Blackberries, delicious.
So $300 million.
You know what?
Schuyler was right
about something else.
Those birds, they don't
live on Tilden Head.
All right, enough, Danny.
Jealous.
You're in over your head.
OK?
I like you.
And I pity you.
But if you continue to
slander me or obstruct this...
Sarge...
fair and equitable
business deal
that we're conducting here...
If there were an
accident in the parking lot
and a trunk popped
open as a result
and you happened to
notice some evidence
of an unsolved killing,
maybe blood or feathers
or anything, that would be
admissible in a court of law,
wouldn't it?
In plain view, resulting
from a totally random accident
like that?
Sure.
This is my town.
Sorry, folks.
The parking lot's closed.
Let's go that way.
Those birds
were stolen from an Audubon
Hospital in Connecticut.
Walker smuggled them
here in his trunk.
Oh my god.
He tortured
and maimed those birds just
to screw up Schuyler's plan.
Oh my god.
James Joyce... no, Dr. Seuss.
I'm sorry I lied to you, Joe.
Girly.
Hold onto these.
They're important.
Hoo-ah my ass,
don't mean nothing.
You should have
told me you liked
feathers in your.
Hey, Danny!
Remember the three piggies
Be the wolf, Danny!
He's never gonna be the wolf.
Where are you this winter?
Stayin' around.
Here?
Hm-hm.
Pff.
So why didn't you just tell me?
Because I promised.
My grandmother passed
away last year.
And she was worried
about Tilden Head.
She knew that the whole
state went to the bank.
So she literally made
me swear to her plan,
for me to come here,
identify the likely bidders,
and get to know them.
So the final decision is mine.
But you just ran
out on the auction.
I donated Tilden Head to the
East End Conservation Society.
That's what I was
trying to tell you.
It's going to be a park.
I signed the papers
in the city yesterday.
Family lawyers made me go ahead
with the auction just in case.
Just in case what?
Just in case I
regained my sanity
in time to make some money.
The probate papers were prepared
both ways for my signature.
And that's what you
just gave to my dad?
But I thought the bank
owned Tilden Head now.
It does.
But we own the bank.
It's complicated.
It sounds pretty
simple, actually.
Yeah, it's actually
pretty simple.
I was trying to save Tilden
Head, but you already saved it.
No, you saved it.
What?
What are you talking about?
Like I said before,
I screw up sometimes.
I thought about selling to
Walker and his easements
and just hoping that
he did the right thing.
Because I knew him.
Because the family lawyers
were all twitching.
But I watched this summer,
the way you do things,
the way you don't do things.
Nana would have loved you.
And then at the auction,
that just turned me on.
This is my town.
God, your shallow.
Are you still mad?
Let me think.
Um, are you really a painter?
Yes.
Do you really like my dad?
You know I do.
Were you lying to me
about anything else?
I'm in love with you.
I ran away, because I
fell in love with you.
God, that sounds so goofy.
Well, but it works for you.
Tell the truth.
Are your parents
going to hate me?
Has anyone ever told you
you smell like puppies?
Is that your answer?
It's the truth.
And both of my parents teach
high school in Chicago.
Oh, that old saw, huh?
So at the auction,
you ripped of Gatsby.
I know.
But you paraphrased.
Didn't feel right, you
know, saying it there.
So say it now.
"There once was a
chick from Chicago"
and as the moon rose higher,
the inessential houses began
to melt away until gradually I
became aware of the old island
here that flowered once
for Dutch sailor's eyes,
a fresh green breast
of the new world.
For a transitory
enchanted moment,
man must have held his breath in
the presence of this continent,
face to face for the
last time in history
"of something commensurate
to his capacity for wonder."
This is how I spend my life, ,
singin' old songs.
What if I waste my life..
And all my problems, so stupid
and not even..
It was supposed to snow
and it did for a minute.
There's no distraction now.
Spend these years..
But it's that much better.
It was supposed to snow.
But it didn't, so
there's no excuses now.
Wait, wait,
wait, wait for the action.
Clear out.
Clear out, everybody.
Clear out.
Clear out.
Clear out some more,
Josh, one more step out.
And action.
Hey.
Ah!
All right, all right, all
right, mom, mom, go, shoo,
fall on the way out, stairs.
- You.
- No, you.
You.
You.
You.
You.
I'll come again.
A bit on the nose, isn't it?
But this is Tilden Head.
Tilden, Rockefeller,
Nixon, Jixon, Maxim.
What the fuck?
You know, I feel
sorry for you two boys.
Dough.
Worrying about self...
Same sex...
Dough.
Fair... fair sex.
You are a snot
nose little goonie.
Free.
Dough.
You're worried about safe
sex all, uh, I get it mixed up.
That's, uh... that's rough.
Dough.
Dough.
I don't even know
what any of that was.
To the roots.
Don't stop the music.
Let it play I say.
Everybody rock this reggae.
Lift your voices,
make it strong.
We gonna sing it all night long.
Don't stop the music.
Let it play.
I wanna hear you say
long live reggae!
Rock the reggae.
You get that?
One more time.
Don't stop the music.
Let it play I say.
Everybody rock this reggae.
Lift your voices,
make it strong.
We gonna sing it all night long.
Don't stop the music.
Let it play.
I wanna hear you say
long live reggae.
Na, na, na.
Na, na, na, na, Na, na, na, na.
Na, na, na, na.
Na, na, na na, na.
Na, na, na, na.
Na, na, na, na, na.
Ladies and gentlemen, this
when we take a short break.
Don't go nowhere.
Just go to the bar
and buy out the bar.
We ain't goin' far.
In the roots.
Na, na, na, na.
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na.