Good Boys (2019) Movie Script

No, no, no!
Oh, fuck yeah.
Mah, mah
Why's your door closed, Maxie?
Dad, I'm in 6th grade.
I need, uh, privacy sometimes.
Okay, I'm headed to the airport.
Be back in two days.
Please be nice to your sister,
help your mom,
and do not touch the drone.
I won't. Bye.
I-I'm serious, okay? It's
not a toy. It's for my work.
Yup. Safe flight.
Bye, Dad. Love you.
Hey, come give me a hug, bud.
I'll give you two hugs
when you get back.
I get it.
Why are you smiling?
You're just growing up.
It's exciting to me.
It's not. Stop smiling.
I remember bringing you
home from the hospital
like it was yesterday.
Now here ya are...
sexually masturbating yourself.
I'm not... I wasn't!
It's cool, fool.
It's like you got a new toy.
Best toy in the world.
You just wanna keep
playin' with it.
I just wanted you to know
I'm proud of you.
Okay, do your thing.
I'll see you later.
Love you. See you in two days.
You are not gonna believe this.
Oh, oh
Multi millionaire aire
Multi millionaire oh
If you rich
put your bust down in the air
Yo, guys, check this out.
My babysitter told me
everyone in 6th grade
gets handjobs.
What's a handjob?
It's when a girl jerks
you off until you coom.
And then it's your job
to clean it up.
Are your friends jealous
you're dating a college guy?
- Some of them, I think.
- Yeah?
Multi millionaire
Can I help you?
Look straight! Look straight!
Hey, Stranger Things,
go fuck yourself!
Fine! Go, go, go!
Do you know those fucking guys?
No one gives up the
Turzan of Uzkara.
Lucas, keep it in the case.
Dude, it's worth 300 bucks!
600 now. I checked.
600 dollars?!
- We're millionaires!
- Yeah.
Do you guys wanna maybe
go to the skatepark
tomorrow after school?
I know what cocaine is.
Annabelle, get out of here.
Bean Bag Boys only.
I heard at the skatepark,
the older kids will
make you take drugs.
We'll never do drugs.
They destroy lives
and communities.
You have no choice.
Annabelle, don't
antagonize your brother.
Come on, go upstairs.
Now, hey.
All right, Bean Bag Boys,
finish up.
It's a school night.
Lights out: 8:30.
What? You said 8:45!
Hey, finish up.
I don't think I want to
go to the skatepark.
We're in 6th grade now.
We need to start doing
6th grade things.
Oooh! You wanna see
Brixlee, don't you?
Do you wanna be mine
Do you want my mind
Do you wanna be mine
Be my valentine
Oh, my God!
This park is fuckin' lit.
You guys,
the Scooter Squad is here.
You know who's
really good at burns?
Atticus L. He's so funny.
Atticus L.?
I'd smoke him at burn war.
Right, Max?
But I need you
girl I got you
But do you got me
Baby, I'd ride for you
Are you gonna give Brixlee
the necklace you made her?
No, shut up.
I haven't put it
in the kiln yet.
You always have an excuse.
Thor, you never talk to girls.
Girls are a distraction.
Rock of Ages auditions
are in two days.
And I don't wanna be tied down
Max! Come here!
Hey, Taylor.
People are saying you made
Brixlee a necklace in Art Class.
Nice try, but I don't talk
about my art projects
before they're finished.
If she had a crush on you,
would you admit you
had a crush on her?
Does she have a crush on me?
I don't know.
I've never asked her.
See you tomorrow.
So, how'd it go, lover boy?
Uh, she might know
about the necklace.
Veggie lasagna for dinner?
Everything's comin' up Lucas.
I'll see you guys at school.
Be safe.
Scooter boys, scooter boys.
Act cool.
Act cool.
Sup, Atticus.
You guys wanna see
something cool?
Hell, yeah.
What are we up to?
What are we doing?
We're gonna sip a beer.
I've had, like,
5,000 sips of beer.
Bitch, please.
Soren has the record:
Three sips.
Three sips?
Three sips.
Already feelin' somethin'.
Careful, it's hot.
Are you gonna drink it or not?
I forgot, I have musical
auditions this Friday.
They drug test for beer.
Thor, just admit you're
scared little, little baby.
No, I'm not.
Want me to put the beer
in a sippy cup for you?
Sippy cup.
Sippy cup.
Amazing burn, Atticus.
It's not a good burn.
His dad has two DUIs
and has to take
the train to work.
That's a good burn.
Sippy cup, sing us a song.
How about,
Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Bitch?
Sippy cup!
Sippy cup!
You know guys, he'll do it but,
he just needs more
time to think.
Sippy cup! Sippy cup!
Lasagna and soda?
Don't tell my parents
you gave me these.
We're getting a divorce.
What do you mean?
I'm tellin' you, everything's
gonna stay the same.
We promise.
Will we still watch
This Is Us together?
Yes, of course,
that's our favorite show.
That's a family show.
Except now you gonna see it on
two-two different TVs.
In two different houses.
So you gonna have to
watch an episode twice.
What about Taco Tuesday?
Taco Tuesday still goin' down,
matter of fact, you gonna have
two Taco Tuesdays, just
one on Wednesday now.
Twice the fun.
Twice the fun, twice the tacos.
Everything's gonna
stay the same, so.
Me and your mom,
we still best friends, right?
I mean, would be nice
to have tacos together
as a family, just have it
change to Wednesday...
I'm walking on sunshine
On... sunshine...
And don't it feel good?
Na na na na, na na na na
Now every time
I go for the mailbox
Gotta hold myself down
Na na na na, na na na na
'Cause I just can't wait
till you write me
You're comin' around
Thor! Inspired!
Voice of an angel, man!
I'm walkin' on sunshine
I'm walkin' on sunshine
Walking on sunshine
What are we walkin' on?
Walking on...
And don't it feel good?
It does feel good, don't it?
What's wrong?
This song always makes me sad.
Don't forget.
Rock of Ages auditions
are tomorrow.
It's my favorite musical.
I did make some pretty
big changes though
based on my time in Holly-weird.
I think it'll really inspire
those of you
who dare to dream.
So I looked at her, but she was
looking in the other direction.
Then she looked at me,
I was looking in
the other direction.
So, I think that someday
we're gonna make eye contact.
That's cool.
This musical is gonna be lit.
Hey, Soren, look at this.
Sippy cup is signing
up for the musical.
Singing is for tryhards.
No! Uh, someone signed
me up as a joke.
I was just crossing it off, see?
Yeah, whatever, bitch tits.
Let's go.
I have places to be.
Sorry, Soren.
Don't listen to Atticus.
His dad doesn't even pay taxes.
It doesn't matter what Atticus says.
I've been thinking
about quitting singing
ever since I was young.
Come on,
we're gonna miss fish sticks.
That's the best
lunch I've ever seen.
Yeah, my parents are being
super nice because...
they're great.
They're great and
everything's good.
Ooh, wait, is that a new earring?
Yes! Finally!
Thank you for noticing.
It looks cute on you.
Max, I'm not going for cute,
I'm going for sexy and hot.
Those are the only two
things I'm looking for.
You like it?
It looks infected.
Soren's so cool.
I heard he beat up Derek Bachman
and blowjobbed his sister.
He blowjobbed his own sister?
No, he blowjobbed Derek's sister.
Fucking legend.
I think Soren's calling me.
Yeah, I'ma get down
Throwin' it down
Now you know
If you didn't know
now bitch you know now
I heard you sipped a beer
like a fucking champ.
Yeah, I took a pretty
big sip, actually.
I'm having a party
tomorrow night.
All these fools are comin'.
You in?
You should come.
Trust me.
Yeah, I'll come,
but, you know,
have to ask my mom.
Also, gonna be a kissing party.
You French kissed
girls before, right?
Of course.
Their mouths?
Yeah, dawg.
He's not about to start sitting
with the popular kids, is he?
No. If anyone should be
over there, it's me.
We heard kids were
calling you "sippy cup".
And we just wanted to let
you know you can always call
the Student Coalition Against
Bullying for protection.
Does this look like a sippy cup?
It's a fucking juice box.
'Cause I'm not a fucking child.
So rude.
Like, can I bring Thor and Lucas?
So random.
No, they're cool.
Trying to keep it
half girls, half guys.
You feel me, dawg?
I feel you, dawg, but
they're my best friends.
We do everything together.
We're the Bean Bag Boys.
That's a dope ass name.
Fuck it. Bring 'em.
I'd have 'em roll
with my squad, too.
Let me know what
your mom says, dawg.
Okay. Bye dawg. Bye dawgs.
Soren just invited
us to his party.
- Soren?
- Yeah.
He said my name?
He said Thor?
Pretty much.
Oh, there's also
gonna be girls there.
You know what that means?
do you guys know how to kiss?
- I have no... No. No.
- No.
Type "kissing".
No, no, "boobs".
"Breast cancer research."
"How to find a bra that fits."
I have an idea.
"Are you 18 or older?"
I'm gonna click yes.
We're not 18 or older.
This is gonna go on
our permanent record.
I'm your stepmother.
You are not supposed to be
looking at me in the shower.
Don't tell my dad, it could
make things worse for me
Get up!
Get up.
He's in trouble.
You deserve punishment.
Pull down your shorts.
Is that what happens
when you get a stepmom?
No way that's
gonna fit in there.
Get out of there, girl!
Where did his hand go?
Oh, my God!
Nobody even kissed.
Yeah, not in their mouths...
at least.
My parents have a CPR doll.
We can go practice
kissing on that.
Come on.
This is a really pretty CPR doll.
I guess I'll go first.
What are you doing?
Kissing her?
You can't kiss someone
without their permission.
Remember from Assembly?
Pretend it's Brixlee.
Try to be a gentleman.
Brixlee, can I kiss you?
Yeah. What do you like about me?
you're sweet,
you smell good,
you're smart, too.
You always push Henry
in his wheelchair
even though he's super mean.
And just when I think
I've got you figured out,
you go ahead and
start skateboarding.
I consent.
How was it?
Why does she have
hair in her mouth?
You know what, this
isn't teaching us anything.
We're missing real
people kissing.
That's the only way to know
if we're doing it right.
My neighbor's a total nymphomaniac.
Her boyfriend's always over.
She starts fires?
No, that's a pyromaniac.
She's a nymphomaniac.
Someone who has sex
on land and sea.
- Seriously?
- Shh, shh, shh.
Okay, I was gonna wait till
tomorrow to surprise you,
but can I just tell you?
No, we're good.
No, you wanna know.
Ugh, I can barely see anything.
I know we haven't
been hanging out much
you know, ever since I met Benji,
but I wanna make it up to you.
So, tomorrow,
I'm skipping school
and we're driving to the city
to see Kendrick Lamar.
Shut up!
And we're gonna do Molly.
You thought of everything.
Of course I fucking have,
it's gonna be amazing!
Hey, girls!
Well, Benji got us the Molly.
Thank you.
This isn't working.
Maybe we could go climb a tree.
No, they'd see us.
No, I just meant
let's go climb a tree.
Dude, wait.
I know a way
we can see them kiss.
I can't.
It has a camera.
We can see everything.
We can learn technique.
It's for his dad's work.
It's not a toy.
Of course it's a toy.
They sell it at toy stores.
My uncle flew a
drone for the army.
And now he yells in his sleep
and has crazy diarrhea.
It's messed up that he
even keeps it in the house.
You have to walk by it every day.
- He's torturing you.
- It's true.
It's like when your cousin walks
around in a bikini and she taunts you.
If he finds out,
you'll be grounded.
You won't be able
to go to Soren's.
And even worse,
you'll lose your father's trust.
That's true, too.
She'll love you for who you are.
Yeah, a shitty kisser.
Remember the porn from earlier?
That guy didn't even
know how to kiss.
He was just licking
that woman's asshole.
You wanna kiss an asshole, Max?
Max, don't listen to him.
He just wants to go because
he's obsessed with popular boys.
Believe me, Max,
you don't wanna go to Soren's
not knowing how to kiss.
So tomorrow,
after you get some girl time,
why don't you come over
for some man time?
No, I told you I'm hanging
out with Lily this weekend.
Yeah, it's just...
you know, it's hard
for me not to see you
'cause you're my best friend.
But Lily's my best friend.
Yeah, totally, totally get it.
How about if just hang out
with my ex, Margaret?
Are you trying to
make me jealous?
Uh, no. Why, are you jealous?
Yeah, this isn't working out.
I know. You're not hot enough
to be acting like this.
So, the next time
that you're wondering
where all the nice guys went,
just remember that you let
one walk right out the door.
I didn't say anything.
I never wanna see you again.
You okay?
Where'd the guy go?
Who cares?
The girls just hugged.
They are definitely gonna kiss.
Do you mind if we get closer?
What is that?
Fucking spying on us.
- All right, it's my turn to fly.
- Give it!
- You're gonna buzz 'em.
- No!
You're gonna break it.
You want it? Fine!
What the hell, Thor?
It was both of our faults.
My dad's gonna kill me.
What do we do now?
We say there was a break-in.
They trashed the place
and took the drone.
That's the most stupid
fucking idea I've ever heard.
Guys, guys!
All we have to do is just go
up there and tell the truth.
Then God would be on our side.
Hey, can I help you?
I hope so, ma'am.
We were using our drone to
follow a family of turtles,
and we thought it might've
crashed in your backyard.
Oh, yeah, yeah, it's here.
Come on in.
So you guys like turtles?
- Yeah.
- That's awesome.
Time's up, motherfuckers.
Shit, it's a trap!
You think I give a fuck
about turtles?
We're sorry, we just wanted
to learn how to kiss.
Lucas, that's none of their business.
We should've just told the truth.
We're going to a kissing party
and none of us have ever
kissed and we're scared!
Goddammit, Lucas.
I've had sex before
but I've never kissed a girl.
Just go online and type in
"how to kiss".
That's what everyone does.
It's very easy.
Look, can we please
have our drone back?
It's a BD Rolling Thunder.
It's my dad's.
He needs it for work.
Can I please have it back?
I really need it. Please.
I don't think so.
If you don't give it back,
I'll tell my dad you stole it.
Then I'll tell him
that you're a pervert.
We'll tell the whole school.
This is sensual harassment.
I'll tell everyone that
you're a misogynist.
I never massaged anyone.
This is what happens when
you don't respect women.
I respect women.
My mom's my best friend.
What about me?
I am so fucked.
My dad's gonna kill me.
You had to snoop on them.
You're such a feminist.
I'm-I'm not a feminist.
I love women.
And my parents are definitely
gonna call your guys' parents.
We're all gonna get grounded.
Forget Soren's party.
We're fucked.
Why are you smiling?
This is actually your fault.
This is leverage.
What is it?
I have no idea.
That's a tampon.
What's it for?
Girls shove it up their buttholes
to stop babies from coming out.
And 8th grader told me that.
The human body is truly a mystery.
Can't believe they still eat chewables.
Gummies are so much better.
I like the chewables.
I want one.
Fucking childproof bullshit.
Thor! Thor! Thor! Thor! Thor!
It's the girls!
You took my bag,
that has my license, my phone...
Bring it back right now!
Fuck that noise.
I want my drone back.
I got this. I got this.
What did you just say,
you little bitch?
I'll take a shit
down your throat!
Why are you talking like that?
Hannah, I have a little brother.
You're supposed to scare them.
Well, you scared me.
Listen, we were just trying
to teach you a lesson,
I promise you, we were
gonna give the drone back.
No way!
They could trick us again.
Or overpower us.
Oh, my God.
What if they take the Molly?
They won't be able to take it.
No, they're children,
they would die.
This is Max from earlier.
Meet us at the playground
across from John Adams
tomorrow at 7:40 a.m.
Bring the drone.
And don't fuck with the
Bean Bag Boys!
That was tough.
Very tough.
Kinda got a hold on
the toughness first.
We're still on the phone.
Turn it off!
Don't come any closer!
'Cause you could overpower us.
So put the drone on the slide
and count back from a hundred
and close your eyes.
And don't try anything funny.
There are witnesses.
Kid, we have a long
drive ahead of us.
So give us the bag
or I will hurt you.
Do not test me.
Threats will get you
nowhere, Hanson.
Just give us the fucking Molly!
Okay, who's Molly?
'Cause she's not with us.
Guys, Molly is a sex drug.
Dateline did an expos on it.
You had us bring drugs
to a fucking playground?
There are children here!
It's okay. I know what to do.
We're making a citizen's arrest!
You're both under arrest.
- Get on the ground.
- Sweet Jesus.
- Up, up, up!
- Stay still, hands up!
- Stay still!
- Hands up!
Get down now!
Get down now!
Did you just reload
your fake gun?
Are you mocking me?
Are you mocking me?
Anything will be used against you
that you say.
In court.
You know, you're the one
holding drugs.
So, why don't I do
a citizen's arrest on you?
Time out, crackheads.
Oh, my God.
Deal's off.
We can't let them put
drugs back on the street.
Look at those dirty
fucking junkies.
Their lives are already ruined.
Let's just give 'em the drugs
and get the drone.
Maybe there's a way we
can protect our community
and get the drone back.
Stall them.
So, what do you plan to
do with those drugs, huh?
Take 'em
and feel amazing.
They're addicts.
So, you've been drugging
your whole life?
- Uh-huh.
- Every day.
Uh-huh. Nice.
What are you doing? Hey!
It's working! Yeah!
Gonna make it!
Those girls were lucky
I didn't kick their asses.
Oh, no! They found us.
Oh, shit.
They're on school property.
They don't care,
they're tweaking.
You know what we need?
No, don't say it.
Don't say it.
- Shut up.
- Zip it.
What is that?
Our lives in danger!
SCAB! SCAB, help us!
- We're not scared. We're fine.
- We're okay.
Just walking into school.
Average day.
This is crazy.
Bullying is crap.
Get on the right track.
Bullying is crap.
When you attack one of us,
you attack all of us.
Your weakness gives us strength.
Well, those kids stole my bag.
Not today, bully!
Not today.
- What the fuck?
- Bullying is crap.
Get on the right track.
This is the best day of my life.
Get on the right track.
Don't worry,
we'll find them later.
SCAB just tagged
us on Instagram.
First, sippy cup, and now this?
I'm two weeks into 6th grade
and I'm already a social piranha.
Guys, my dad gets back at 5:00.
If we don't get a new drone
by then, I'm grounded.
Which means we're all grounded,
which means no party,
which means no Brixlee!
Sippy cup for life.
No Brixlee, no friends,
no hope, parents fighting,
trapped in our rooms,
all alone,
two Taco Tuesdays.
So, Max, what are we gonna do?
We're gonna ditch school.
Get a new drone.
Stop thinking with your
big, old dick, Max.
That could go on our
permanent record.
Max's big, old dick is pointing
us in the right direction.
Thank you.
If anyone else kisses
Brixlee, I'll die.
Wait, what?
Here's the plan:
I'm gonna bring the
beer to Soren's.
And I'm gonna sip that beer
so everyone will know...
That you're an alcoholic.
That would be great.
Guys, the only place
around here that has one
is at North Point Galleria.
It's four miles away.
Four miles?
How the fuck are we
getting four miles?
We have Uber.
No, it goes directly
to my mom's phone.
She'll know.
Then we bike.
Where are you even gonna get
the money for a new drone?
You know.
Our Turzan of Uzkara card?
No way!
You said everyone
wants to buy it.
We got it together.
And we're gonna sell
it together as friends.
Come on, Lucas.
Bean Bag Boys do
everything together.
Okay, I guess that makes sense.
- Yes!
- Yes!
- Bean Bag Boys for life!
- Yeah!
We're being so bad.
We're bad, we're so bad.
We're bad, we're so bad.
We're bad, we're so bad.
I need to get rid of these drugs.
What are you doing?
Getting rid of the drugs.
I'm just gonna throw
them in the stream.
It can contaminate the water.
Well, then we could
throw it in the forest.
It's a sex drug.
What if a fox eats it
and tries to fuck a squirrel?
It'll kill him.
Well, then how do
we get rid of drugs?
The same way we
get rid of a baby.
- Abortion?
- Adoption?
Drop it off at the firehouse
on our way up to the mall.
That's a really good idea.
I just got a buyer on our card.
Hey, give 'em my address.
My parents aren't home
and I have the best snacks.
Heropants69's gonna be here in
five minutes to buy the card.
Well, let's get ready.
I found all of these weapons
in the back of my parents' closet.
I still don't feel
why you need weapons.
He could be a pedophile.
He can't molest all three of us.
All he needs is one.
Ah-nal beads?
AKA nunchucks, motherfucker!
- Yeah!
- Not a toy!
Smell like shit.
Hello, uh, I'm looking for Lucas.
That's me.
I'm Claude.
That's my mom back there.
Let's cut the shit.
Are you a pedophile?
What? No.
Lucas, if you were a pedophile
standing in front of three single
boys, would you admit it?
Probably not.
Then why would he?
Oh, come on.
Do I look like a pedophile?
- Yes.
- Absolutely.
That's not fair.
You look more of a pedophile
than anyone I've ever seen.
Look, I'm not a pedophile.
I'm a cool guy.
You can come in
but please keep your shoes off.
Why are you bringing a paintball gun?
In case anyone fucks with us.
This card is exquisite.
How'd you get it?
The summer I moved here,
me, Max and Thor started
a dog watching business.
We earned eight bucks.
And we used the money
to buy an Ascension pack
and this card was in it.
Well, you got very lucky.
The real luck was
meeting Max and Thor.
We started calling ourselves
the Bean Bag Boys.
You know why?
Because you had some bean bags?
That's right.
Yeah, genius.
You got yourself a deal.
Let's go.
Let's make it happen.
No. I can't do this.
- Sorry.
- Lucas!
Get your butt over here right now.
Excuse me, is this how all
12-year-olds conduct business?
What the hell just happened?
I thought you were cool with this.
You said we wouldn't do this
if one of us wasn't on board.
I'm not on board.
Why do you care so much?
Why don't you care?
This card has a lot of memories.
And you're just gonna
throw it all away
because you wanna
kiss some basic girl?
Brixlee isn't just some girl.
We're probably
gonna get married.
Every marriage ends in divorce.
you're outvoted.
I can tell you're
lashing out with anger.
Brixlee's probably
the love of my life.
Excuse me, ma'am, could I
get a glass of water, please?
Hey, guys?
What can you tell me
about her backstory?
Where's she supposed to be from?
She seems quite exotic.
Okay, listen carefully,
'cause I'll make
this offer only once.
400 bucks to take
her off your hands.
No. We need 550 U.S.
Fuck off!
That's my entire allowance.
Listen, Claude,
let's just cut the bullshit.
I'm the son of a businesswoman.
And I think we both know,
if you didn't wanna buy the doll,
you would've left already.
Stop treating us like kids.
We know how things work.
So, do you wanna buy
the CPR doll or not?
I'd have paid a thousand!
Anyone else feel like
he's gonna fuck that doll?
We got bottles in the house
call a cab for Frey
So pour me up another
glass of the champagne
I'm feelin' bright
with my icy chains
Countin' all these stacks
'cause we run this game
So hot that I can
feel the fever
Never knew that money
would make me a believer
Politicking but we
ain't no politician
We should hydrate.
We've been biking for
almost 14 minutes straight.
I don't think I've ever been
this far from home.
I think I did a production
of Cats around here.
Really not gonna sing anymore?
Yeah... I've never been happier.
Just give us the drugs.
Fuck. How'd you find us?
The phone. They tracked us.
We're not giving
you these drugs.
We're giving them to firefighters.
Get help!
We're in a car, dipshits.
You're not gonna outrun us.
Not on my fast bike, nerds.
Good luck gettin' your
car in here, losers!
I don't care if you care
I just know it ain't fair
Ain't no time to prepare
Life is just a nightmare
Where are you going?
You can run
but you can't hide
You can run
but you can't hide
You can run
but you can't hide
You can run
but you can't hide
But you can't hide
You're mad,
getting these drugs back!
Just give her the sex drugs!
Peel out!
I won't let you destroy your life.
Are you okay?
You sure you're okay?
What the hell happened?
We were running away
from our babysitter
'cause she was trying
to touch our penises.
What? That is not true!
- Yes, it is!
- It is.
I wasn't.
- Yeah, you were!
- I wasn...
Go, go, go, go!
- What happened?
- Go!
Go! Go, go!
Lucas, are you okay?
I'm fine. I'm fine.
- Your arm!
- Oh, hell, no.
Yo, I'm calling 911.
Oh, no! It's okay.
Come on, we gotta go,
we gotta go.
We gotta go.
I'll get the bikes.
I threw the phone
in the prickle bush.
They can't track us anymore.
The pain!
Lucas, you have to be quiet.
Okay, do we have any ice?
No, we're in a fucking alley.
What about pain medication?
We have the Molly
we can give him.
Yeah, he's probably just gonna
try and have sex with us.
Call and ambulance!
Mission's over!
We'll get busted.
Do you even have insurance?
I don't know, do you?
I don't know.
I think I only
have a deductible.
It's all right.
This happens to MMA
fighters all the time.
We just gotta ram your arm
into something very hard
so it pops back in place.
Fine! Fuck it. Let's just
get this over with.
Come on, easy.
One, two, three!
Wrong arm!
- Okay, new site, new site.
- Okay.
Okay. Lie down your back
and give me your arm.
Come on.
All right.
It says this next
part's gonna hurt.
That you should bite
down on something hard.
I know.
There you go.
Okay, on three.
One, two, three!
- Just got a text from Taylor.
- What'd she say?
She wants to know why
you aren't in school
and if you're coming
to the party tonight.
Just write...
Sorry, I mustn't faint.
- Let me help. Let me help.
- Okay!
One, two, three!
I didn't think that
actually work.
You're gonna be good, man.
I'm really not.
My parents are getting a divorce.
What'd you do?
- Thor!
- What?
My dad's moving out.
Whatever happens
between your parents...
you always got
the Bean Bag Boys.
We'll never split up.
Bean Bag Boys for life.
You promise?
- Promise.
- Promise.
Come on, let's get you
some Children's Tylenol.
- Need some help, buddy?
- No, I got it.
Okay, just do it.
Hey, Miles.
Hey, man.
Comin' in or comin' off?
Just got off a triple, man.
I don't care if I get mugged.
I'm not typing up any more
paperwork today.
Shit, we have D-R-U-G-S on us.
He knows how to spell.
Just act normal,
pretend to talk.
- About what?
- Just be normal.
What do you think
about politics?
It's a complicated issue.
This cop's acting weird.
He's not poking us.
Just act normal,
just two cool guys laughing.
We skipped school.
Are we in trouble?
Well, usually, I'd call this in.
But, because you
were honest with me,
just let it slide, all right?
Just promise
not to do it again, okay?
We promise, thank you, sir.
All right.
That was a close one.
Where's Thor?
I'm not the better, baddest
The hardest or the tallest
But I say what I mean
And I'm walkin' like I talk it
Don't make me start it
Ain't nobody ballin'
See if I keep gettin' up
It don't matter that you're ballin'
Hold it.
Come here.
What do you have in your pants?
My penis.
Pull it out.
I also have a big dick.
Put it back.
I'm being generous today.
We also have drugs.
He was on to us.
Okay, what do you have?
Schedule 1 controlled substance
with intent to distribute.
Brother, these are vitamins, okay?
Children's vitamins at that.
No, those are drugs.
If that's drugs,
this is drugs, too.
If you don't arrest
us, I'll report you.
- Lucas!
- Leave me the fuck alone!
I mean, sorry to fucking
swear at kids, but fuck!
You know, I'm gonna arrest you
for fucking ruining my day.
All right? I'll take them.
Let me go home!
- He's calling for backup.
- What do we do?
Hello, listen...
I decided I don't want kids.
What's happening?
That cop's eye-fucking us.
We have to make a run for it.
I know what to do.
Well, it's not up for discuss...
Well, yeah, no,
you may be detective,
but in the marriage,
we're equal.
Just hang up, who cares?
It's free 'cause I'm a cop.
Picture this
I'm a bag of dicks
Put me to your lips
I am sick
I will punch a baby bear
in his shit
Give me lip
I'ma send you to the yard,
get a stick
Make a switch
I can end the conversation real quick
What the fuck, Thor?
You didn't even care
about my shoulder.
You just wanted a beer.
I can care about two things.
Yeah, you and your stupid beer.
Now we're fugitives.
Why are you yelling at me?
I just ran out without
my family's bikes.
Cycle Sundays are fucked!
Guys, guys!
The mall!
- Yes!
- Yes!
Come on.
Oh, shit.
Holy mu...
Great. Now we're trapped
between a highway
and the authorities.
Well, we wouldn't be in
this position right now
if you weren't such a narc.
Guys, the mall's right there.
All we have to do
is cross the highway.
And the cars aren't even moving.
Now, are we 5th graders
or are we 6th graders?
Nobody speak
Nobody get choked
Nobody speak
Nobody get choked, hey
Well, I'm going back into the woods.
I'll live off of rainwater and squirrels.
I don't give a fuck.
Uh, no, you won't.
It's like a parking lot, see?
Wait. You stole another beer?
What the fuck, Thor?!
Hey, you guys aren't the
ones who's gonna have
sippy cup on their
goddamn tombstone!
God, say it, don't spray it.
Get off the freeway!
Children crossing.
Please. Children are crossing.
What are you all doing?
Get back to the side!
Go, go, go!
Fucking idiots!
Wait, I got a message.
Oh, it's from Taylor.
She said Marcus is
coming to the party.
He has a huge crush on Brixlee.
She's definitely gonna kiss him.
He's the nicest kid in our grade.
Wait, wait. I'm the nicest
kid in our grade!
It goes, me,
Marcus, Max, you.
I'm way nicer than Max.
No, you're not!
You made Miss Willoughby
cry last year.
Hey, she was already crying,
I just took her picture.
Guys! Guys!
Oh, shit!
Oh, fuck!
Let's go back!
We're trapped!
We're trapped!
We're gonna die.
We're gonna die.
No, we're not.
We just need to time it, okay?
We just need to time it right.
We can do this, guys!
We can do this!
- Punch it, crazy!
- No!
Oh, shit! He made it!
I did it!
Lucas. Lucas, look
at me right now.
I know you're scared.
I'm not... at all.
Shut up, Thor!
I'm not dead!
I'm not dead!
He got here, man. Come on!
Fuck you!
I love you, too!
Now, come over here!
I want my mom!
- Come on!
- Come on!
I'm fine. I'll just live here.
I'm good.
Come on!
You got this!
All right.
Come on, Thor,
you're not sippy cup.
You're a badass.
Come on, Thor!
I dropped my beer!
That's my dad's CPR doll.
- Oh!
- That's my dad's CPR doll!
We're not murderers!
We're safe!
We're not fucking killers!
We're not, yeah!
Beep, beep.
Excuse me.
Pardon me.
Excuse me.
We called about the
BD Rolling Thunder.
I'm so sorry, you guys.
Sold it.
Haha, nice joke, ha.
So funny, waa...
No, I did. I sold it.
Two girls. Said they knew you.
Fuck you!
I'm gonna kill your family!
He's on for sure, huh?
I'm gonna turn your
whole family to zombies!
I was gonna say,
you didn't let me finish.
They left a note for ya.
- Why are they walking like that?
- I don't know.
You guys track us.
I threw your bag
in prickle bushes.
You told us that your
life would be over
if you didn't get a
BD Rolling Thunder.
And this is the only place a
child could get to on a tricycle.
Okay, I have the drugs,
now give me the drone.
You fucking kidding me?
What in the actual fuck?
These are just gummy vitamins.
I told you she was gonna check.
Where is the Molly?
Where is it?
A cop has it.
You gave our drugs to a cop?
Look, I know you don't know us,
and you think we're
just stupid kids,
but just listen...
whatever problems you're having,
drugs are not the answer.
Drugs just give you a
false sense of reality.
You might think
your lives are bad,
but you have family
and friends
who love you...
Can you shut the fuck up?
I just spent $600
on a fucking drone.
You ruined my passionate moment.
Well, it was stupid.
This day is fucked.
Benji is the only
one who has Molly,
and he won't sell it to us.
Well, I'm sorry, we're fucked.
We'll do it.
We'll get you drugs.
The fuck we will!
What the hell?
Do you think he would sell to kids?
We're not kids. We're tweens.
What do we have to lose?
So it's a deal?
Max, this is fucking insane.
You should take the
goddamn punishment.
Lucas and I will
go to the party.
We'll cockblock anyone
who gets near Brixlee.
They didn't invite you.
The popular kids only invited me.
What do you mean?
They think you're kind of...
But it's okay, 'cause once
those guys get to know you,
they'll see what I see...
that you're not random.
That you're specific.
I'm not buying drugs.
Neither am I.
You guys don't have to.
I'll do all the talking.
I just need your height in there.
You're the only one of us that
looks like they could be in college.
are you in or out?
So, you guys did all of
this for a kissing party?
No, there's also gonna
be cool boys there.
I remember my first kissing party.
It was the summer after 6th
grade at Manush Patel's house.
Who'd you kiss?
Uh, Manush's sister.
Wait, you weren't there?
No, we didn't really know
each other then, I mean,
we were in the same grade
but we didn't really become
close until 8th grade.
I just figured you guys
knew each other for longer.
Yeah, everybody knows
you meet your best
friends in kindergarten.
The only reason you're
friends with people back then
is 'cause you live
close to each other.
And because, like,
your parents are friends.
No, that's not true for us.
We're friends because
we like each other.
And we live close together.
And our parents are friends.
Okay, come here.
Go in, buy two pills.
Ask for Benji.
Do not mention Hannah.
Who's Hannah?
I am.
I'm Max.
Yeah, I know who you are.
Just go in there, buy the pills
and then I'll trade
you for the drone.
Hey, if this goes bad,
drive off.
It's not too late to turn back.
No. We have to get the drugs
so we can get the drone
so we can go to the party.
I am your daddy.
You are my baby.
Yes, daddy!
You will stay down
here and suffer
until you learn to be men.
Yes, daddy!
What do babies wear?
Good evening.
We're looking for Benji.
Hey, dickless! Come here.
Yes, daddy.
Go find Benji,
tell him he's got visitors.
Yes, daddy.
That's your son?
You guys can go sit your asses
down over there and wait.
Drop and give me 20,
you fucking baby!
Can I help you?
Good afternoon.
We would like to buy two
pieces of Molly, please.
Did Raffi from
Sigma Nu send you?
He did, that fucker.
You guys are like seven.
Oh, except for you,
I recognize you from Econ.
What's up, man?
Seriously, I'm not
selling drugs to kids.
We're not kids, we're tweens.
Who told you to come here?
Sell us the drugs
and you'll find out.
All right.
Stay there.
How long do you
think it's gonna be?
You made me high.
Tell me who sent you.
What am I, a speck?
So this is what
she thinks of me, huh.
You can tell Hannah
that if she wants Molly,
she can suck my dick.
You shouldn't talk
about a woman like that.
The only time she
should suck your dick
is when she gives you consent.
You can suck my dick.
And you can suck my dick, too.
What about me?
I'm just gonna sit here?
We're the Bean Bag Boys.
We do everything together.
Get the fuck out of here, you
little fucking babies. Let's go.
Get out!
Hey, guys, wait.
I have something here that
might change your mind.
Hurry up.
Bitch! Now who's the baby?
- Holy shit.
- What the fuck?
If I don't get those drugs,
I'm gonna be grounded!
And then,
I'll never get to kiss Brixlee!
What the fuck are you doing?
You sell drugs.
We came here to buy them.
So now you're gonna
sell us the drugs.
Do not test me!
You want the drugs,
I'm not your parent. Here.
Oh, shit.
Oh, you're fucking dead.
The fuck's going on down here?
She just dropped the charges.
Oh, God!
Holy shit.
Max, watch out!
I got your back.
Oh, my God, I just killed a man!
Lucas, get the drugs!
We were never here!
Start the fucking car!
What's happening?
Fucking go!
Lucas, drugs.
No, no, no, no, no.
Let me see what's in the bottle.
Okay, just-just give it to me.
Wow, you guys
are little badasses.
'Cause we're the Bean Bag Boys.
I don't know what that means.
We have bean bags.
It's been real, guys.
Have fun at your kissing party.
Thank you!
Oh. Only 1.7 miles away.
What's wrong?
We got the drone,
everything worked out.
I got punched
in the fucking face, okay?
We bought drugs.
Can we just go home now?
Guys, my dad.
- Hey, Dad!
- Hey, buddy!
I got an early flight,
so I'll be home in 15 minutes.
15 minutes from now,
or 15 minutes from later?
Haha, funny guy.
I'll see you soon.
My dad will be
home in 15 minutes.
Maybe he won't notice
the drone's gone.
He'll notice.
He's very observant.
That's why my mom
fell in love with him.
The drone has to be
home before your dad.
I know.
Just the drone.
Not you.
Just the drone.
Here we go!
Yeah! Get there!
- Careful.
- I got this, I got this. Oh!
Fly like the wind, Max.
Yeah, uh, take a right up here.
- I can see your house.
- There it is, there it is.
The windows are closed.
Shit, what do I do?
The chimney!
It's very tight.
You got this.
Yeah, I can't see! I can't see!
There's ash all over the camera.
Use the Force!
No, no. I can do this.
I know my house perfectly.
I can do this with
my eyes closed.
Don't break anything.
Trust me, I got this.
- You did it!
- Yeah!
- I'm the best pilot ever!
- Yeah!
- I think we did it.
- Yeah!
Mission accomplished!
Hey, Dad!
Did you get home safe?
Uh, huh?
I love you.
Dad, please.
Say "I love you" back.
I need to hear it.
My dad says I'm grounded.
And now I'm never gonna
be able to kiss Brixlee.
It's okay, Max.
There'll be other parties.
Lucas, you don't get it.
He's right, Lucas.
This party could
change our lives.
And you don't even care.
It's not cool at all.
Yeah, you would know
what's not cool.
What the fuck does that mean?
Go sip a beer, sippy cup.
I love beer.
So yes, I will.
And you might think
you're so mature
but the truth is,
you don't have pubes.
And I have six.
You say you have pubes,
but you also say you drink beer
and I know you don't.
Stop arguing!
Just admit,
you skipped the audition
because you thought
it wasn't cool
even though your voice
is a fucking gift.
And you always talk a big game
and you never back it up
like in the freeway.
Oh, sorry I didn't wanna
cross 12 lanes of traffic
so you can kiss some skank.
Oh, shit!
She's not a skank!
She's the love of my life!
You take that back!
Hey, no karate.
Stop fighting!
You should never
call a woman a skank!
You should never call
a woman anything!
And you!
You made us ditch school,
run around with drugs,
and locked a cop in
a convenience store
with what I now
suspect is a dildo!
What the fuck are you
looking at, Gandalf?!
You guys don't understand shit!
I have hormones
flowing through my body
making me do crazy things.
Do you even know
what it feels like
to wanna rub up against
a tree all the time?
You think you're better than us.
Not better, just more mature.
I'm into romance
and current shit
and you guys are still
into little kids stuff.
I don't even know
why we're still friends.
Everything you like
is now canceled.
Birthdays are canceled.
Holidays are canceled.
Summers, canceled.
Winter is coming.
I'm sorry, Daddy.
No, no, no! You are no longer
allowed to call me Daddy.
Call me Andrew, or Mr. Newman,
or Warden.
Beneath that cherubic face,
devil lives inside you.
I will always love you
because you are my son.
But I no longer like you.
I just got off the
phone with Max's mom.
Did you know he skipped school
and biked to the mall by himself?
- He said that?
- He did.
Promise me you'll
never do something
as stupid as that, okay?
I-I promise.
And then we run
across the highway,
my arm got ripped out
and a fake woman
shot out of a car
but we still got the drugs
but then we traded
the drone for it
and Max destroyed
his house with it
but it was only because
he wanted to marry Brixlee
and now he can't because
he's grounded for life
and we got into a huge fight
and the Bean Bag
Boys are broke up
and... am I in trouble?
Okay, son, now, look.
I love a good story with
a bunch of gibberish
just as much as anybody, okay?
And I know you're going
through a stressful time.
But it doesn't give you
a reason to tell us fibs.
I'm not fibbing.
I'm 100% sure you're
fibbing to me.
I'm not fibbing!
Okay, I think I understand
what's happening here.
You think you're losing us.
And now, you're worried you're
gonna lose your friends, too.
Look at me, man,
we'll always be there.
Right, I mean,
don't get me wrong.
You know, me and your mom
are not the same people
we were when we first met.
Tend to grow apart sometimes
but it's okay.
You remember your hermit crab?
- Herman? Yeah.
- That's right, Herman.
And you remember why he died.
Oh, son of a...
You told me he ran away!
Technically, yes.
He ran away, but then he died.
Oh, my gosh, how?
Herman died
because hermit crabs
grow out of their shell
and they need to find new,
bigger seashells on
the beach to grow into
or they die and we
didn't know that.
So, Herman died
because of you guys?
The point is
you and your friends
are growing and changing
and y'all need to
find bigger shells.
And there's nothing
wrong with that.
We need to blame
those pet stores.
It's Lucas.
You scared the shit out of me.
I didn't want your
parents to see my face.
Why are you even here?
I've grown a lot in
the last two hours.
My parents' divorce
has really changed me.
If the Bean Bag Boys
don't grow together,
they'll grow apart.
I don't want that.
I don't want to get
a divorce from you.
Then you need to go
to Soren's party.
You need to sneak out.
I can't, I'm grounded.
Besides, Brixlee's necklace
is still in the kiln.
Let me worry about the necklace.
And what are your
parents gonna do,
double ground you?
Is Brixlee your forever or not?
Then you need to
come with me now.
Fine, I'll go
but I'm not apologizing to Thor.
He's not coming.
Fuck that bitch.
Let me get my jacket.
Hey, Max.
Bring that dick.
You said Thor wasn't coming.
What the hell's he doing here?
Parent trapped your asses.
See, now we're all in a bigger
hermit crabshell together.
It made sense when
my parents said it.
So you took the blame for us, huh?
Yeah, I thought about
what you would do
and did the opposite!
This party,
it's gonna be an epic rager.
Okay, sippy cup.
Stay out of my way, Maxipad.
Aww, don't you boys look cute?
Everybody's in the basement.
I don't even wanna know
what's going on down there.
Come on in, fellas.
Oh, my God, you made it.
Max, I want you to meet Brixlee.
Hi, I'm Max.
It's nice to finally meet you.
You too.
Cool jacket.
Thank you.
I got it all by myself
with my mom.
I go shopping with my mom, too.
This is going so well.
Did you bring the necklace?
Brixlee, this is for you.
Oh, thanks!
They're Anal.
Oh, fancy.
I'm gonna wear this later.
Thanks, Max.
Wassup, sippy cup?
Not much, just, uh...
got into a fight
with a bunch of men
and, uh, stole a beer.
It's not like sippy cup
is gonna drink it.
Not only am I gonna drink it,
I'm gonna break the record.
I'm gonna take four sips.
Four's impossible.
Soren can't even do four.
Shut up.
That's one.
Big deal.
That's two.
That's three!
This is insane.
He's gonna barf.
Somebody get him a sippy cup.
Sippy cup! Sippy cup!
Sippy cup! Sippy cup!
Sippy cup! Sippy cup!
Sippy cup! Sippy cup!
Sippy cup!
That's fucking four!
Thor! Thor! Thor! Thor! Thor! Thor!
I'm a fucking alcoholic!
Four sips. Badass.
Mad respect to Thor.
Eyes up here.
If you don't consent to kissing,
that's cool.
You can go play VR upstairs.
But if you're staying down here,
you better strap in because
shit's about to get real.
Let's spin a bottle.
Well, then it's a good thing
I got a bottle right here!
Do you remember when
we used to dance?
And incidents arose
from circumstance
One thing lead to another,
we were young
And we would scream
together songs unsung
It was the heat
of the moment
I'm out.
Where are you going?
That was nasty.
I'm going upstairs to play VR.
If you leave,
you can never come back.
Oh, no!
your turn.
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon...
Oh, my God, this is the most
dramatic thing I've ever seen.
He's not gonna do it.
He's gonna do it.
I can't do it.
People don't change.
He's still sippy cup.
Wait, wait. Kissy cup.
Kissy cup!
Kissy cup!
Kissy cup!
Kissy cup!
Fuck off, Atticus!
His name is Thor.
And everyone knows your
mom plagiarized a cookbook.
Thor, wait up.
I'm sorry I called you a tryhard.
No, you were right.
This whole time, I've been
trying to be someone
who I wasn't.
I got an earring.
I drank a beer.
I quit singing.
I guess I went a little
crazy today, too.
Let's get outta here.
You don't wanna do that.
You're gonna stay down
here and kiss Brixlee.
Bean Bag Boys do
everything together.
Not everything.
Not anymore.
Maybe those old girls were right.
Maybe we're on different paths.
What are you gonna do?
I don't know.
I just know it's not this.
No way.
This is insane.
Forget spin the bottle.
Now, go over there
and kiss your future wife.
can I kiss you?
Where am I?
Oh, here I am.
Lucas, I'm leaving.
You sure you don't wanna try this?
Nah, I'm good.
Wanna go to my house
and play Ascension?
I don't wanna play
Ascension anymore.
Then who am I gonna play with?
You'll find someone.
My face feels so tingly.
No way!
Oh, my God!
This is amazing!
I can't believe you guys...
are here!
This is so amazing!
Please, no, please, no,
don't kill us.
What happened?
How do you know Soren?
Is he your boyfriend?
He's my brother.
I love that piece of shit.
You guys,
where's everybody else?
Where's your friend
with the sad eyes?
Sad boy Max?
In the basement, kissing.
It's an orgy down there.
You guys aren't into that?
Aww, it's okay.
You're only in 6th grade.
You guys are gonna figure it out.
Yeah, you have your
whole life for that.
No rush, no rush. I mean...
What do you love?
Ascension, rules,
antidrug campaigns.
Grilled cheese.
Oh, I could go for a
grilled cheese right now.
Oh, there's some mean
makes grilled cheese.
Oh, yeah, that sounds so good.
What about you, sleeveless,
what are you into?
I love to sing.
I actually skipped my
audition today for a musical.
Now, I can't be in it.
You have to convince
him to let you audition.
You must. You must!
Shh... sing for us.
Oh, my God, sing for us!
Please sing for us.
So, no grilled cheese?
Sing for us, beer hunter.
I-I gotta take a little time
A little time to think things over
I better read between the lines
In case I need it
when I'm older
Now this mountain I must
Feels like the world
upon my shoulders
But through the clouds
I see love shine
It keeps me warm
as life grows colder
In my life
There's been
heartache and pain
I don't know
If I can face it again
I can't stop now
I've traveled so far
To change this lonely life
I want to know what love is
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
I want you to show me
I want to feel what love is
I know you can show me
I gotta take a little time
A little time to look around me
And I got nowhere left to hide
It looks like love
has finally found me
In my life
There's been heartache and pain
I don't know
If I can face it again
I can't stop now
I've traveled so far
To change this lonely life
I want to know what love is
I know you can show me
Hey, yeah, yeah
I want to know what love is
I know you can show me
Let's talk about love
I want to know what love is
Love that you feel inside
My masterpiece.
Thank you, I was real.
Hello, Max.
I'll be right back.
Hey! I didn't think you'd make it.
Are you kidding?
You know I'd never
miss one of your shows.
It was so cool when
you stabbed that pimp.
Thank you.
Oh, sorry, Thor, this is Scout.
You were really good.
Thanks, sweetie.
I was much better
in the matinee.
I'm gonna go find Cassie.
I thought you're still grounded.
It ended yesterday.
A month in the hole.
Thanks again for taking the fall.
You would've done the same.
Well, well, well,
look who's here, me!
- Hey!
- Hey!
Feels like we haven't
talked in weeks.
My mom said she'll
drop us at frozen yogurt
if your mom will pick us up.
Great. Be there
in a second, babe.
Okay, babe.
So, how's it going with Scout?
But hard.
But good.
Our relationship
is a lot of work.
Don't let anyone
tell you differently.
Hey. Uh, Lucas,
you still wanna play Ascension
with me and the guys later?
I'll be there in a minute.
Classic Lucas.
Carlos and those
SCAB guys seem cool.
They're cool.
But they're not
the Bean Bag Boys.
All right.
I guess-I guess I should go.
Yeah, all right. Well...
I missed you guys.
Let's make a promise:
Even if we don't hang
out all the time...
we'll still always be
there for the big stuff.
Bean Bag Boys for life.
Bean Bag Boys for life.
Bean Bag Boys for life.
There's something I have to show you.
Come up to my parent's
bedroom in three minutes.
Yo, guys, check this out.
An indoor swing?
You always have the best toys.
Yeah! Flip that switch.
How cool is this?
Your parents love to play.
What do they do with it?
They swing on it.
Can we go on it?
Fuck yeah.
My darling, I
Can't get enough of
your love, babe
Girl, I don't know,
I don't know why
Can't get enough of
your love, babe
What are you doing in
Mom and Dad's room?
Get the hell outta
here, Annabelle!
That swing is for sexing.
People do sex on it.
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