Good Kids (2016) Movie Script

Yo, we're gonna look for dead
bodies at the Seneda warehouse.
You wanna come?
What will you do if you
actually find a dead body?
Roll it over!
Yeah, we'll probably
roll it over.
Are you going into forensics?
Why would we go there?
I think we're just gonna
stay here.
Suit yourselves.
Hammer toss!
Oh, shit! Hold up.
Extra large slush puppies?
You know, I don't care what they
say, you guys know how to party.
Seriously. Seriously.
I hate this town.
Are you kidding me, man!
Whatever drugs everyone is on
seem to be working pretty well.
Is this the big reward?
I mean, did we really
not get invited...
To any graduation parties?
Come on, if you don't get
invited to a single party...
For four years straight, you
don't generally get invited...
Yeah, well, it's graduation, you
graduate together as a class...
So you'd think after...
Dude, we traded cool
for college.
Yeah, i...
All I'm saying is, I'm looking
at this thing...
And I don't feel as good
as the people out there.
We're just sitting here.
Bro, what were you expecting?
I don't know. Something cool.
I'll just take us home.
Hello, Andy.
Hey, Yaco.
Have you been looking forward
to another summer...
As much as I have?
Last year you were only
a janitor.
Groundskeeper, actually.
But this year you're a pro!
You realize this could only
happen with my blessing.
You are my beggar apostle
and I am your Christ.
Well, I appreciate you putting
in a good word with the board.
After lunch, you'll be teaching
the beginner ladies classes...
And Salvatore will be handling
the men.
Okay, cool.
Any tips for the new guy?
Do not let the women chat
with each other.
Once they start, they learn
You have to be a man.
Yeah, my dad says that, too.
Muay Thai, punch!
Guys, in the
post-apocalyptic future,
in which we survive by
eating cats and the elderly,
you will need to know how
to punch. Stop smiling.
In the future, smiling will
be seen as a sign
you wish to be eaten. Hai!
As a parting thought...
Remember, the prickliest
cactus can still give you water.
Class dismissed.
What did that cactus mean?
What do you think it means?
Something scary can be good?
That's right. Don't be afraid
of something for how it looks...
Because it might be special
Hey, you!
Oh... olive,
you know this lady?
She's my cousin!
Hey, hey, I'm just making sure.
Rival Dojos are trying to steal
my students all the time...
Because you're the best.
I'm Tinsley. Olive's
mom asked me to pick her up.
How's it going? I'm the lion.
I haven't seen you before.
Yeah, I come here every summer.
I haven't seen you before.
Oh yeah, I'm one of the locals.
Oh, wow, I don't
think I've ever met a local.
They hide us
during the summer...
So we don't upset the tourists.
The lion should come to your
Yes, I'm having
a party at my parent's house...
On the point this afternoon.
You should come!
I'm sorry, are you
inviting me to a party?
Yeah, I am.
But... but, I'm me.
You can bring whoever you want.
I'll see you later today.
- Take care.
- Thank you!
See you, guys.
Was that fun?
You are the man, lion!
Good looks! Good looks!
Wow, you weren't even
nervous, bro. I'm all right.
No, I was pretty nervous.
So, Andy, have
you heard anything...
From your imaginary
Indian pen pal?
Yes, she actually
wants to come to the cape...
In August before
she goes to UCLA.
But apparently, it's $2,000
to get her here from Mumbai...
In the summer, so I want
to figure out a way to help.
So, out of curiosity,
when she emails you...
Does it go to your spam folder
and you have to drag it out?
Yeah, sometimes, because
she's from a far away place.
Uh, okay, have you guys
skyped at all?
No, she's from a remote area
and her family's computer...
Doesn't have a working camera.
It's not a scheme, you guys,
okay? She's exists!
Bro, I still don't entirely
understand how you met her.
I told you a million times,
she's an econ nerd, too...
She posts comments on a website
that I read and I emailed her...
That I liked her ideas
and we hit it off.
It's your murderer...
These are the last months
of your life, bro.
Let's say that this girl
is real.
She's gonna have way more
experience than you.
Okay, Cleopatra,
how do you know that?
Under what scenario could a
human being on this earth...
Not have more
experience than you?
I've been... I've
done... I've done things.
Oh, and India
has the Kama Sutra, bro.
Exactly! India
has the Kama Sutra.
Yeah, they like, fuck
sideways and shit, bro.
That's intimidating for anybody.
It is.
I'm not intimidated.
Did that shirt
shrink in the wash?
No, I don't know, I can't really
figure out what happened.
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
Oh, yes! Sweet!
Wow, crazy!
Just a little something new
I'm working with.
If I can't impress my friends,
there's no way I'm gonna...
Be impressing the
food network, so... dig in!
Oh, yeah, this looks great.
Guys, guys, guys...
I waited until
we were all together...
To bring this up,
but I have information.
About what?
About a party on the point.
To be specific, I have
an invitation to a party...
On the point this afternoon
and I can bring anyone I want!
Okay, calm down.
Who invited you to the point?
I've never been on the point.
Yeah, me, neither.
You're sure this is true? We're
invited to an actual party?
Bro, bro, bro, no, it's real!
And it starts today
and goes all night!
I'm assuming, I'm assuming.
I don't know, man, I gotta
finish up here after lunch.
I have an 11:00 o'clock
So it's like it doesn't
even make sense to go.
Two "no's" immediately
from the group!
I mean, you're going to Harvard,
why do you need a curfew?
Curfews are for riot zones
and crumbling dictatorships...
Not for us!
Lion, what would happen if
you missed your curfew today?
Huh? You're going to
Mit on scholarship.
You know, my parents actually
don't get home...
Until like 4:00 am
most weekends.
I'm starting to think
they're swingers, man.
Stanford-bound spice, you?
I've been here until 2:00
My parents will probably
just think I'm here.
There you go.
What are you trying to say, bro?
- Andy!
- Dude!
You know I have
to clean that up, right?
That was badass! Yes!
Yeah! Yes!
Breaking stuff!
You know I work here, don't you?
I'm sorry about the glass,
I'm trying to make a point.
The reason that we never
partied in high school...
Is because we wanted
to get out of here.
And now we are! And I feel
like I missed out on some...
Experiences and I
know you guys do, too.
Lion, what do you
wish you'd done?
Uh... ancient Asians
took this mushroom called...
Fly Agaric, by feeding
it to reindeer and drinking...
Its urine for
psychedelic effects.
You're talking
about doing some drugs?
Put some drugs in you!
Nora, what do you want to do?
Uh, I think it would have
been cool to have a boyfriend.
Why are you laughing?
I don't... I don't think
we knew that.
It's not that uncommon a thing.
Go get yourself a boyfriend!
Wow, thank you
for your approval, Andy.
Spice? Talk to me.
You know, I'm ready
to hook up with a girl.
I need release.
Release, release!
Say no more.
Thank you.
We know what that means.
Yeah, I do.
What I'm saying, is this
afternoon, starting at this...
Party, we do all the things
that we wish we'd done...
The last four years.
Drinking, drugs, sex...
With girls.
Release yourself! Relationships!
I want hard miles!
I don't want to go to college
as some lamb...
Being led to slaughter.
I don't want to be
boring anymore.
From now on, this is the
summer of "yes!"
Let's just say, "yes!"
Say, "yes!"
Say, "yes!"
Hell, yeah.
Yes, yes, yes, yes,
yes, yes, yes!
All right, welcome to summer!
Okay, Gabby, here we go.
Whoa, Gabby!
Oh! That's it!
I love your visor, Mrs. Jones.
Here's our star player
right here.
- This is our star tennis player.
- Whoo!
You just dance around the court.
That winter was too long, huh?
Too long.
Nice! Strong!
Beautiful stroke.
That's way over there,
that's a bench shot.
We'll give you a couple points
for hitting the bench.
Okay, Gabby, here we go.
Now, Gabby, you're doing this,
And we're going to need more of
just sort of like a this, right?
Good group, great group, wow.
When did you turn 18?
Uh, January.
Happy birthday.
It was, uh...
You know what? You should
come over for drinks sometime.
18 is the drinking
age in most of the world.
I should have been born foreign.
Being a tennis pro
automatically makes you foreign.
Well, then, c'est parfait.
You're not!
Andy, do you teach private
tennis lessons?
Don't all pros?
In my experience.
Why in the world would Danya
be sending bikini pictures...
To you that early in the morning
on a Sunday, bro?
She is an insomniac,
that's why...
And it's not unusual
for her to email me late.
You are so talking to
a guy sitting in his attic...
In Worchester wearing
clown makeup.
Let's do this, guys.
Here we go.
Let me see. Right here,
the lion, great.
Hey, you guys have a good time,
be safe, okay? We'll see ya.
All right.
Thank you.
We're gonna go to a party!
I just think that this...
It's crazy that this is in our
town, you know what I mean?
I know, that this
actually exists here...
Like minutes away from us.
It's like if
George Washington...
And Norman Rockwell fucked and
had kids and they had houses.
Oh, dude!
I finally know
how bad our lives suck.
This is crazy.
That is a
shitload of individuals.
Can I just park here?
If you're going
to park here, Andy...
You have to be really careful,
He's gonna hit...
I'm not gonna hit anything.
What a nice spot we got!
Should we like kick it
for five or 20 minutes?
No, we're going in.
Just say, "yes."
Say, "yes."
Wow, I am a prairie dog
in heaven right now.
I don't know what to do
with my hands.
I think... should we just go...
Yeah, we go right in there,
Everybody's, yeah...
Hey, oh, nice, so,
where are the drinks?
I feel like I
could have told you that.
You the man, bro. Okay.
Do they have beers, too?
We don't belong here.
Yes, we do.
All right, we're just
Because we don't have drinks
in our hands.
Let's go.
The drinks are up there.
What are you doing?
No idea!
Ooh, shoot.
Okay... okay... drinks.
Starting now,
"yes" to everything.
Dude, I'm gonna...
It's like fire in my body.
I'm gonna throw up!
There's a fire in my body.
No, seriously, I wouldn't
lie about Midgetville.
And for the record, we wish it
was called something else...
Too, but... maybe we can
be the change.
I don't know what I'm saying.
These guys are different.
Nora! Thought I saw you.
Come have a cigarette.
No, I don't... I don't...
Come on.
Of course, I do,
because it's the summer of yes.
So pretty.
You have that right.
Tinsley, this is Nora.
Hi, Tinsley.
We work at the lab together.
Thank you. Oh...
Well, that's so... you're here,
we're both here, that...
Yeah, I'm staying down
the road with some friends...
And their son dragged me along.
Oh, cool.
I think I'm the oldest
person here by about ten years.
I love your dress, by the way.
God, I wish I had boobs
like yours.
There's no way, it's the hardest
dessert to make in the world.
No, I'm telling you, spice could
make a souffl right now...
And it would be delicious.
It would instantly
collapse. This party's loud.
No, no, okay, I bet you $100...
$100 that I could
make a souffl right now...
And it'll stay standing,
it will not collapse.
You're on.
Hey, give me those mitts!
Is that flour?
Oh, that's cocaine!
What are your
hidden talents, Andy?
My hidden talents...
Well, it's pretty useless...
But I can catch food thrown
from any distance, in my mouth.
Mmm, okay.
Oh, you're gonna do it? Okay.
You can go bigger than that.
Okay, wait, okay, I'm not...
I'm serious...
I'm not messing around
right now! Come on!
I catch stuff!
I catch stuff in my mouth!
I catch marshmallows
in my mouth! Woo!
Is he doing, high Tai chi?
"High chi?"
Just say, "yes?"
Summer of yes, this is good,
this is good.
I don't like cold water...
So, maybe we can
take our clothes off inside.
Oh... yes... yes.
It has risen!
I am the greatest chef
on this planet!
Consider comping the check?
We can think of something.
Take off those mittens.
I think this is the part where
you take your clothes off, too.
Yeah, me, yeah.
You're like freakishly tall,
That's a really cool bag.
Or is it a clutch? Or...
You haven't done this before,
have you?
And I actually need like 10,000
practice hours before August.
Malcolm Gladwell, outliers?
Yeah, I need to be an expert.
I have this Indian
girl coming to visit me.
They have the Kama Sutra.
I... exactly.
But, I'm sorry, I'm like talking
about another girl and...
On the bed... now!
Yes... on the bed.
We can at least knock a couple
of minutes...
Off those 10,000 hours.
Are you gonna keep doing
that face?
I know, it's... I feel like
making out on the beach...
Is less comfortable than it
looks on TV.
Yeah. Your body is amazing.
Whoa, thank you. That's new.
I understand what you want, but
I'm not a hand job machine!
I have to feel special about
Before I give them a hand job.
I thought the souffl
was special.
If you had tried some
Instead of moving your hips
all creepily...
You would have got one.
Go fuck your souffl!
Where have you been?
We have been worried!
What have you been up
to tonight?
Not too much... goodnight.
Please just send me to my room.
Thank you.
What do you think happened
to him?
I don't know, but I'm jealous.
Oh, jeez, feel free to pass me
a new skull, man, honestly.
Yeah, no, I can feel my brain
decaying lobe by lobe.
Andy, hey, Andy!
Dude. Oh!
That's what I'm talking about.
Why are people
throwing food at you?
Oh, you were skinny dipping
with a 30-year-old man...
During my performance.
It was glorious.
When did you get a body, anyway?
Last night.
Hmm, that's pretty
crazy. You're finally a girl.
Thank you.
Must have been awkward
today with your coworker.
No, no, we're gonna actually
hang out again later this week.
Yeah... summer of yes.
Are you hanging out
with anybody alone, lion?
Oh, uh, just some guys
who have an opium connection.
Well, you guys had fun...
I don't think that girl
wants to see me again.
No release?
Not a drop.
But I did get us invited
to another party... on a dock.
Two rich girls invited me.
Round two!
Yeah, man!
Guys, guys?
Have we somehow become cool?
Whoa, whoa.
Hey, you again.
Um, I'm actually here
to teach a lesson.
And to pick up my
car from the party.
We walked home.
Lion swam, I think.
See ya!
Gabby, it's Andy!
It's lesson time.
Uh, Gabby, are you in here?
I'm almost done.
I left your money
on the night table.
Okay, okay, cool.
I'm so glad you could come.
Me, too.
It's weird, I didn't see
your court coming in here.
That's because
there is no court.
Holy shit! Gabby, wait,
Gabby, what are you doing?
Gabby... Gabby!
Shut up, Andy.
Five times?
Five times.
It's like the olym...
The Olympics or something.
The "vagathalon."
Hey, all right. Hey now.
What kind of tennis
lesson takes three hours?
Oh, we were just, uh, working
on strokes... techniques.
Forehand, backhand... grips.
See ya!
I think the lion is taking acid.
Yeah, he said he wants to
push his body to its limits.
Does Tai chi help with fighting?
Bruce Lee once said...
"A wise man can learn more
from a foolish question...
"Then a fool can learn
from a wise answer."
Have you ever used it to fight?
When it's finally
time for me to fight...
I'll know.
Oh jeez, look at that.
Who's this guy?
Is he her boyfriend now
or something?
What kind of Australian
is named, Erland?
Who cares, she's happy.
He's 12 years older than her.
Yeah, and if I was
30 years old...
I'd be wanting to nail
18-year-olds too, man.
Guy's a creep.
Holy shit!
You like Nora!
I like nor... are you out
of your mind?
She's been my friend
since I was born.
Yeah, and until recently
she's dressed like a guy...
And you've looked like an
acupuncture needle.
You're jealous.
Look, I don't know
what I'm feeling.
You poor, sensitive,
tragic soul, you.
Three days ago, a 42-year-old
woman paid me...
To have sex with her.
Yeah, "private tennis lesson."
I've got two more scheduled
with her this week.
How's that for sensitive?
Not sensitive at all.
Holy shit, man!
You know how I'm gonna prove
to you that Danya is real?
I'm gonna fly her out
here myself.
I'm gonna put her up in
a fancy bed and breakfast.
I'm gonna seduce her
at fine dinners...
That I pay for and
it's gonna be magic.
Now, if you'll excuse me...
I've gotta wash off the sight
of that.
Fuck, yeah!
Victoria! Hey, looking good
out there.
Um, you know, Gabby told me that
you were giving private lessons.
$150 an hour, is that right?
You... you mean a full lesson?
Yeah, a full lesson.
Tomorrow at 4:00, okay?
My schedule is open,
I can do it tomorrow, I can...
My address is on the call sheet.
Oh, you're so
much hotter than my mom!
Oh, my god!
And this.
I will end you... ready?
S'il vous plait!
S'il vous plait... ow!
And this, please.
Open that pretty mouth.
Another hole-in-one.
Can you please stop using
Qi gong to influence the ball?
This isn't fun for us.
Andy, Qi gong isn't something
I can just turn on and off.
Right, I'm gonna try my hand
at this.
Oh, stop traffic.
Oh, my, thank you.
Did you guys pay a hot
girl to follow you around?
Great strategy, seriously.
I think that's
Nora Sullivan, dude.
Yes, my name... I'm Nora.
Holy shit, you're right.
Way to get in early, guys,
I like the strategy.
Hey, honestly.
Are you sexually active?
That's so offensive.
You know what, and also,
you guys never talked to us...
Before, so you don't really
get to start now.
Can you just fuck off!
All right, Nora.
Okay, all right...
I thought she was quiet,
it's cool.
Okay, we'll catch you guys
on the last hole, all right?
We'll fuck off for now,
we'll be back later.
God, I hate those guys.
How do they not know
people like us now?
Hey man, it's just
different circles.
Hey, speaking of different
Now how is that "airland" doing?
Does he have talents aside
from being handsome?
He tries to write pop songs.
Oh, no, Australians do
have a natural sense of rhythm.
Look, he's 30, you're 18,
he's not with you...
Because he wants you to edit
his post-doctoral thesis.
Um, I'm pretty sure that
you and I discussing...
My relationship is
none of your business.
It's a relationship?
Is he your boyfriend?
Yep... yep. He's my boyfriend.
There's no way he's your
I'm done with mini golf...
So I'll just wait in the car
for you guys?
Is that cool? So...
Are you serious? You're calling
her out on the age difference?
Yo, lion, you know Andy here
has been having sex...
With older women from the club
for money.
Holy tits, you're
a hooker? Pound that shit.
I'm not... thank you.
I'm not a hooker.
I'm... getting some experience
and I'm teaching them lessons.
Dude, they're not lessons!
They're technically lessons.
Please don't be a catfish.
Are you just rhyming
my name with other girl's names?
Have you tried to rhyme
your name?
Girls' names are all there are.
Something on your mind?
I, uh, got into a fight with a
friend at mini golf, it was bad.
You want to do something
to get out of your head?
Well, what are you thinking?
The world behind the curtains.
Crap, this is so cool.
And here is the autonomous
underwater vehicle, "fetch."
Center point of our research.
Collector of good data
on specimens...
Ranging from the Acan coral...
From the Netherlands Antilles...
Through to the fur seal
In the Shetland islands
of Antarctica.
And black hydrothermal
smoker vents in the Galapagos.
That's correct, yeah,
black smoker hydrothermal vents.
These things are worth like...
A quarter of a million
dollars a piece.
Ten more years of education...
And maybe I'll feel like I
actually deserve to be in here.
This is a robotics lab,
are you joking?
Are you my boyfriend?
Come on, Nora.
Are you?
Yes, yes, of course,
I'm your boyfriend, Nora.
I care about you.
Do you?
I do.
How much?
I... have this!
Oh, my god.
Okay, okay, but you've
gotta admit...
You'd have a virginity story...
Better than any of your friends,
Who the hell says
that I'm a virgin?
Clearly, you've never been to a
national high school leaders...
Of tomorrow conference.
Yeah, clearly I haven't.
What's the matter?
Uh, nothing.
It's just girl stuff.
You understand, I'm not
a prostitute, right?
I'm going to Dartmouth.
Well, then you should have
waited to start...
Your career as a sex worker
until you got to New Hampshire.
No state income tax.
You think I have
to declare this?
Gabby, I'm home!
Oh, my god, you have to go!
Is that...?
Go that way now!
My clothes are in...
I don't care, my husband's
gonna walk in this... go, go!
Don't you look handsome.
Stupid! You're so stupid!
You are so stupid,
you are an idiot, you're dumb.
No, no, no.
They've made some great
additions to this course.
It's challenging, but fun.
They also have go-karts
at this place now.
Thank you for this
blanket, by the way.
Yeah, just make sure
it's all the way...
Between you and the seat.
Golden boy!
What are you in for, naked
insider trading or something?
Huh? Hey, numbers in the nude!
Calculous with your cockulous?
Aw... it's great
to see you, Plymouth rock.
Why is he making fun
of you, you know about math?
A little bit.
Can I ask you something?
Sure, you have me under arrest.
I'm taking out a mortgage.
These numbers just
don't seem to add up.
I'm not a banker,
but I can take a look.
Okay, so, that's it, the problem
here is that this number here...
Is based on a 30-year
When you wanted a 20, right?
Your instincts were right,
this is a clerical error.
They blew it.
Hey, thank you, man.
You probably saved me a ton
of money.
Well, you have good reason
to be upset at your lender.
Now, does this maybe
change things...
In terms of the naked
in the car situation?
What? No! I already
wrote it up.
You know you can't
just drive around town...
Showing your ass like that,
You know, I'm just saying...
You know that?
I do you a favor,
you do me a favor.
Like I rub your back,
you rub mine.
Okay, I did not rub anything!
I wasn't... I had a scorecard
Maybe you saw the outline
of things, but that's all I had.
That's enough, the outline
is enough.
Don't show that too tall ass
around here again.
Hey, Yaco. Salvatore!
What's up?
Heard about your driving
Yeah, yeah, it was crazy,
just a dare gone wrong.
Oh, Gabby dared you to
flee from her house naked?
How do you know?
I, too, am fucking Gabby.
For many years now. All the
things she does with her pinky,
I know all about this.
As do I!
And now you start doing the
same and you almost get caught.
If you get caught, suspicion
falls on all the pros...
At the club, does it not?
Such sloppy behavior we cannot
No more sleeping with women.
You will ruin everything.
Keep your beef and the chorizo
somewhere else...
You can't tell me where
to put my chorizo.
I can.
It's my chorizo...
Stop giving private lessons
or you are fired.
You were my apostle.
Little did I know,
that apostle was... Judas.
You betray me not with a kiss,
but with a fuck! What the fuck?
Andiamo, Salvatore.
Salvatore, you get it.
Did you find going to
public school a disadvantage...
For your college application?
You know, tins, honestly
if you're smart enough...
It doesn't really matter
where you come from?
Now, uh...
Don't worry, I got the goods
in here.
Let's go.
Wow, Mit and drugs.
He'll probably solve cold
fusion his freshman year.
I'm pretty sure you don't know
lion well enough...
To weigh in on what
he's gonna do.
Andy, what are you doing?
Yeah, we're all going to college
pretty soon...
What do you got going?
Maybe... isn't there a kangaroo
With like digeridoo blades
that can come grab you...
And haul you back to Australia,
so you're not in my face...
Every moment of the rest
of the summer?
You know what, Andy,
I'm sure there is.
But you see, kangaroo
helicopters with digeridoo...
Blades, they breakdown pretty
easily, so...
Oh, yeah, yeah,
you're a funny man!
I can't stand you!
One... I'm just... I'm so...
That's cool.
I like you.
I'm gonna fuck with a dad?
I'm speaking to you, Andy!
Totally fucking unacceptable!
What is wrong with you lately?
I'll go apologize!
That's not what I want, I want
you to tell me...
What is going on right now!
There's three weeks left
of summer...
And I don't want to share
that time with "airland."
Well, his name is Erland.
And he's not even around
that much.
He's around whenever
you're around.
He's my boyfriend.
Whoa, why are you like
trying to ruin this for me?
I'm not trying! Why are you...
Why did you do...
Dude, what did I do, just tell
me what I did, what did I do?
You got a guy and
you're all lovey dovey...
You're just some type of person
you never were before!
Whoa, so you're...
You're blossoming right now...
And you're not supposed to
blossom right now.
I'm sorry, but it should
be us together!
Um... okay.
I had no clue that you
felt this way.
How do you feel
this way about me?
I don't know, I don't
know, I don't... I just do.
That would be really weird.
No, it wouldn't.
Yeah, yes, it would.
It doesn't have to be.
Yeah, no, how about this.
Whoa, whoa!
See, that's what
I'm trying to tell you.
Come here, let me show you
something else. Come here.
Can you come closer?
I want you to fuck me.
I want you to fuck me.
Okay, then why don't you try?
You say something dirty to me.
F... finger me.
No... finger you.
Okay, all right.
You... I will...
That's exactly, hmm. So...
Okay, okay, okay.
We know each other too well.
You've proven your point.
I feel so weird.
I'm sor... I'm sorry?
Whatever, like there's a beach
full of girls...
That think you're really cool,
for whatever reason...
And only I know the
truth, so let's just...
I forgot already. Didn't happen,
and it's never gonna happen.
So, let's just forget about it.
Hold on.
What, who is it?
Private tennis lesson,
I'm on call.
What do you mean, you're gonna
go do a private tennis lesson...
When you're... you've
been drinking!
I agree, it isn't
entirely professional.
Does this have something
to do...
With why you've been driving
around naked?
You whore!
So, the lion has gone
full-blown crazy.
Yeah, he taught me the
quivering hand technique...
With his palm, you know?
The touch of death?
Yeah, the touch of death.
Seems irresponsible.
I mean, he was high
when he told me.
No, no, what are you
doing, what are you doing?
Watch that thing, easy does it!
Pardon me, man.
Hey, airland! Let's have a chat.
I am sorry about earlier.
You're an ass, Andy.
Maybe I have been recently,
but if you hurt her...
I will kill you.
Okay. Come on.
Nailed it.
I don't think he's
coming back, either.
Hi, Diana. You know what?
Private lessons are over.
Okay... they're back on and
I will be there in 20 minutes.
Thank you.
No, no, what?
I'm sorry, a client just
offered me a thousand dollars
for a lesson.
A lesson? A client?
Dude, you don't even have your
tennis racket with you...
Listen to yourself.
What the hell's happening
with my friends this summer?
It's like I'm the only one
that's being me. That's me.
Last one and I'm out.
Okay, so, one last big gig
before retirement?
That's real mature, I'm sure
that's what they all say.
What are you doing? Dude!
Huh? What?
Conch, what are you doing?
What you... babysitting.
Someone let you babysit?
What the hell's that supposed
to mean?
Wait, I've never seen you sober.
You think I do my job drunk?
That's messed up, man.
Hey, get in here.
Sit, sit, sit.
Hey, so, what are you
doing here?
I was at a party.
And I'm looking for a Diana.
You mean, Ms. Bradfield?
Yeah, she lives next door.
Weird person to be looking
for in your current state.
Seriously? Yo, this is Andy,
we went to high school together.
Hello, child.
So, can't believe you were
at a party.
You never came to our parties.
He, we never, we were
never invited to his parties.
Nobody's ever invited,
they just show up.
That's what a party is.
That doesn't really...
Really apply to us, though.
Are you stupid? Because nobody
ever disliked you guys.
You guys are the ones
who stayed away.
You exiled yourselves.
Hard truths.
Anyway, shake it off, listen.
You should come to the
summer dump party.
Yeah, and I know how important
it is for you to feel special...
So, you can be my honored
Summer dump?
I would love that. When is it?
Same time every year.
Last weekend in August.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I gotta get back to babysitting.
Okay? I'm sure Diana
is waiting for you.
Ooh, bro, you should
have taken her to prom!
Seriously, given her age,
she could've chaperoned...
And been your date. Come on,
Andy, think about these things.
Dude, you're my friend now.
Punch... throw a kick, punch.
What is going...
What? Keep busy, guys,
just keep doing your thing, man.
Oh, man.
She's 18... yes, 18.
Of course, you're not
a replacement.
I want you in my bed...
And this weekend will be
perfect, yeah.
Hey, Andy, looking good.
Hey! No, you look good,
you do!
Sit down!
No, no!
We told you, Andy, no more sex!
Gabby's husband called
asking if either of us...
Had lost a headband, which he
found in his bedroom.
Aw, that's where that one went.
Okay, okay, easy, easy.
Look, look, let's form an
alliance together, let's work...
Shh. Such sloppiness has no
place at the pro shop.
You're fired. And if anyone else
comes sniffing around here...
Looking for the man
who's been with their wives...
I will give them your name.
You flew too close to the sun.
The pussy sun.
No, Andy, not today!
I called Yaco about it, he swore
up and down it wasn't his.
It's a fact, Yaco isn't
into women.
He'd never touch your wife.
She's not into Italians...
So, Salavatore is out.
Did you ask her about Andy?
The high school kid? No. Why?
when Victoria had too much...
To drink the other night,
she told me she slept with him.
I'll talk to the other guys,
see what they know about it.
What happened this morning,
Oh, nothing, lion and
I lost our jobs...
And Nora found out Erland is
sleeping with somebody else, so-
who knew that peyote would stay
in my system for three days?
God, I'm so stupid to cut
it that close, man.
Guys, I'm done with drugs
and alcohol.
Okay, a warrior needs
his mind to be sharp.
At least the summer's almost
over, so...
Almost... we got
invited to summer dump.
Oh, my god!
Are you serious?
No way.
You're not...
You guys don't' want to...
You wanna go?
No, no, I mean, I'm exhausted,
you guys.
I vote that we just
cut our losses.
No! Our group has been
disintegrating this summer.
You two have been fighting each
other, you fried your brain...
And I've... I mean, not much has
happened for me, I realize that.
It probably should have by
now and I'm not too happy...
With my progression,
either, but...
This is the last time we're
gonna be together like this...
So, we're going to summer dump!
Sorry. Some weird number.
Andy? It's Danya.
Danya? Hi!
Danya I'm at the shuttle
bus stop in Hyannis.
I got a transfer from Boston.
You're at the shuttle bus stop?
Danya you got my
emails I was coming, right?
Oh, you didn't check your spam
folder, did you?
Your email? Of course,
I got your emails.
I'm gonna come get you,
I'm gonna come right now.
I'll be there in ten minutes.
Danya okay, Andy, I'm excited.
Me, too, me, too!
Okay, bye.
So, Danya is real and she is
here and I'm gonna go get her.
She just like showed up
out of the blue?
Indians are spontaneous
like that.
Gandhi was pretty patient.
Shut up.
You know I'm coming,
right, I have to see this.
Yeah, no, me, too, because I
can't go back to the lab, so.
I have work, so I'll be
staying here.
Good, yes, all of you
stay here...
Because you'll freak her out
if you come.
Oh, the Internet is awesome.
Hi! This is...
Oh, that's nice.
Oh, my god.
Ah, she sees me.
Who are those people?
Oh, they came with the car.
You can't understand
anything about the world...
If you don't read Amartya sen's
"inequality re-examined."
Okay, but I read,
"development as freedom."
That's just an appetizer
for "inequality re-examined."
You'll have to feed me dinner.
Hey, have you ever read,
Um, that should...
That should cover it.
Thank you.
Oh. Oh, yes.
Where did you get so much
cash to pay for this place?
I'm a sperm donor.
You must be exhausted.
I am so glad you're here.
Me, too.
Um, I have to go in there
all of a sudden...
But I'm gonna come back here
and then, we're just...
We're just never leaving.
All right, I'll be right back.
Ow! Oh, god, fire.
Hot, hot burn. Oh, my god!
Something is wrong...
Something is wrong.
Okay, so... I have to go now,
I have to go do something.
You're leaving?
It's nothing weird,
I just gotta go. Okay?
I'll be back, I'll be back.
Looks like you have
a yeast infection.
A yeast infection?
Men get yeast infections, too.
Particularly if you're having a
lot of intercourse...
And your immune system
is suppressed...
Which would be the case...
If you've been drinking
a lot of alcohol.
Oh, my god.
Lucky for you, it's curable with
a seven-day course of treatment.
Any way we could speed that up?
Some women have success putting
non-sweetened probiotic yogurt..
Directly on the infection.
Nope. No, no, no.
This can't be happening...
I've been very careful.
You've been having a lot
of sex, Andy.
I know.
Lay off sex for the next week
and you'll be fine.
Lay off for the next week?
I can't.
Yes, you can... okay?
I gotta... can I pay for this
visit in cash?
I don't want my parents
to see my insurance bill.
It's a paper trail thing.
You've had sex with 15 women
in the past two months...
And you carry that kind of cash?
Who are you?
I don't even know anymore.
And you're certain, she's not a
spy sent to kill you...
Or some shit, bro?
Going for a walk.
Andy, Andy come in!
I can't hear you.
What? You can absolutely
hear her, bro.
Can't hear you, either.
I'm just craving it right now.
I don't even...
If you wanna know one thing
about me...
It's that I love yogurt.
Oh, yeah, you know, that's the
That's the one, I love this
This is gonna do the trick.
No... fuck it.
Ah, yes.
Oh, my gosh, my stomach is
killing me from those clams.
Hey, where have you been?
Been calling you.
I've been looking for your
dick under this microscope.
Um, what?
I, uh, I heard you, heard you
talking to a girl on the phone..
The other day about how I was 18
and you could use a replacement?
I believe that's how you put it.
Does that ring any bells?
So you just fuck off!
This is it.
Alcohol's in here, right?
Identify yourselves.
Uh... Andy, spice,
lion and Nora.
Who's the hot girl?
Nora. And... Danya!
Danya, also.
Holy shit!
It's the smart kids!
And have you come
for precious metals...
For your space laboratories?
We came to hang out!
You heard them!
They wanna hang...
And they have extra brain cells.
Find them and destroy them!
Whoo! Conch!
Hell, yeah, this is gonna be...
This is Danya, this is Danya.
No shit, how you doing?
She's from India.
She came from India.
You got hot!
Thank you.
You used to not be hot.
I know.
But now you're hot.
Thank you, thank you.
Goddamn, the palate on that is
wrong, it's so wrong. Let's see.
This will fuck people up.
What are you doing
with that punch?
I'm improving it. Here.
Try it.
It's great.
Andy Evans!
Recipient of the
role of distinction award.
Being this is your first
summer dump...
This is your initiation!
Foam mattress wrestling!
I'm not doing that.
I'm not doing that, uh-uh.
The role of distinction award
is given to the student...
That best exemplifies the
Of academic excellence...
Loyalty and service
to the rest of the class.
Ring girls, prepare him.
To demonstrate those
Your champion, Andy will be
wrestling... Plymouth rock!
Do you think you're smart?
I said, do... you...
Think... you're... smart?
Not anymore, I don't.
Oh, no!
Let go!
Come on, Andy! Come on!
Okay, put him down!
Put him down!
Get up... get the fuck
up... get the fuck up!
Andy! Andy! Andy, Andy!
Sorry, my hands are chapped.
I do yardwork.
It's just... keep going,
keep going.
You're doing me next, you know.
Hey, lion.
You okay?
I came from India thinking it
was going to be this...
Romantic trip, but... I don't
think Andy even likes me.
I've been here a week and
he hasn't touched me.
He hasn't touched you?
But you're so beautiful.
I mean you're like Krishna's
bride, Bhadra.
You wanna go somewhere
and talk about this?
Aren't we talking about it
somewhere now?
I mean, yeah, but there are
other somewheres.
What is it?
Thought I sensed something...
Fuck it.
My body gets so hot.
Tell the story.
I have zero muscles,
I have zero muscles.
Epic, man.
Dude, thank you, thank you.
Hi, mom.
Mrs. Evans
Andy, where are you?
I'm watching a movie.
Time to eat your own dick, Andy.
I have to go.
I love you. I know you know
that, but I need to express...
It to you right now, verbally,
before I die.
No guy has ever said that
to me verbally, before death.
How could anybody not love you?
Hey, Andy!
All right, all right,
all right, I'll be honest.
I have conflicting thoughts
about what has happened over...
The last couple months
and I am sorry.
And if I were you guys,
I would be just as mad.
I fucked your wives,
for god's sake.
But I got a yeast infection,
that sucks... it really sucks.
Also, which one
of you is Gabby's husband?
Gabby, now, Gabby does this
thing with her pinky, right?
That hurts a lot, feels good,
but it hurts so much...
And I've had to ice most
days of the summer.
I just want to say that also.
So, I am a victim here
as well... right?
You're an idiot.
This has nothing to do with you!
Lion, you sure
you wanna do this?
Fuck, yeah, bro, it's a totally
justifiable use of force.
In a mob, you gotta use
the low Thai kicks.
This is about my wife.
I'm sorry, bro...
This is about my friend.
Oh, my god!
Fuck yeah!
You're amazing!
I got you!
I love you!
We did it!
I actually love you!
Holy shit! What the fuck!
Oh, my god! Holy shit!
They're dead.
I think they're all dead!
Oh, my.
Hey, guys. What'd I miss?
Uh, I mean... I don't
even know where to start.
It's been the longest
night, I think we gotta call it.
Okay, I'm chillin'.
Why do you seem so relaxed?
You know what, I'm just feeling
refreshed, you know?
I've been released.
Oh, man!
It's your moment.
I'm so proud of you.
Don't hide it, I already saw it,
why would you hide it?
Where would you hide it?
Wearing a sock as a shirt...
What the hell?
Who did this?
I did, sir.
They deserve it?
They were trying to kill Andy.
Too tall.
You remember me?
Absolutely. Got my
mortgage situation fixed.
That means you got your
arrest fixed.
Mm-hm. Come on with it.
Hey, thank you, thank
you. I was drinking a beer...
Looks like there's nothing
to see out here. Right?
You kids want a ride?
In a cop car?
That would be awesome.
Let's go.
Can you put on the sirens?
Yes! Legend!
Reach out and get that.
Yep... that's it.
Thanks, guys.
Hey, good luck at college, Andy.
Appreciate it.
Mom... breathe. I'm okay.
The last few days...
I've never experienced
anything like it.
I had no idea those positions
had a use outside of karate.
Visit me as soon as you can.
Let's shoot for winter break.
I'm planning on being a
millionaire near the end...
Of the first semester anyway,
so, we'll go somewhere nice.
They're actually pretty cute.
Bye, Andy, good luck
at university!
Thank you! Bye, Danya!
Good luck at UCLA.
You're an ass! Do you know how
much it cost me...
To fly her over here
and then you end up with her?
As the Japanese proverb goes...
"Nokorimono Ni wa fuku Ga aru."
What does that mean?
"Luck exists in the leftovers."
It's not fun.
Hey, thanks for saving my life.
Come on, bro, you would
have done the same for me.
Love you.
Love you, man.
Was a kick-ass summer, guys.
Yeah, kinda sucks, though,
I'm gonna miss you guys a lot.
I'm gonna miss you guys, too.
And it does suck but...
We're gonna be okay.
You better make people
call you spice at Stanford.
I don't know, man, I think I'm
gonna kick it off with, Mike.
See where it evolves from
there. What's wrong with that?
See you, guys.
Hey, I miss you guys already!
Love you!
Next time, I'm gonna see you...
You're gonna have a Dartmouth
meathead beer gut.
Next time I see you, you'll
be pregnant by a Kennedy.
Cool, we'll just hang around
admiring each other's bellies.
Love it.
Don't make any new friends
at school, please.
Okay... you, either.
I love you, too.
I just didn't say it at that
weird, evil steel mill.
You know, it was a bad setting.
Hey, Andy, heads up!
Hey, Tinsley.
Nicely done. Automatic.
Thanks. I'm Andy.