Grand Theft Hamlet (2024) Movie Script
1
Whee!
It's like dodgems.
- They handle like dodgems.
- Yeah.
You think I can get away from the police
in a golf buggy?
No.
- I could try. Whoa!
- Whoa!
You caught some wicked air there.
God, I wish I was actually on a beach,
and I was able to just stroll
into the sea and cool off.
This is making me quite, quite envious.
This is the equivalent
of, like, being really hungry
and watching a cooking show
or something.
Let's try and see
if we can win some money, shall we?
- What took you so long to call?
- Alright.
Should I play "Impotent Rage"?
Seems somehow appropriate.
Bet. What do I do?
Fuck it. Bet max. Come on.
Now what do I do? Spin. Come on.
Win, win, win.
Hey, I fucking won.
Look at that.
I won. I'm gonna go again.
Spin.
I can't stand
being disrespected like this.
How're you doing?
Are you winning money?
No.
Alright, I'd better go as well,
actually, because...
Yes, I need to actually accept
that I have children
and look after them.
My luck is gonna change now.
Go on, seven, seven...
Oh, fuck's sake!
This is just...
too much like fucking life.
Fuck's sake.
I don't want to die!
Fuck! Jesus!
Yeah, whatever.
Bit of mindless violence.
Anything that sort
of takes you away from the...
What I could cheerfully call
the crushing inevitability
of your pointless life.
It's fine. Yeah.
Oh, shit.
Shit, shit, shit.
- Did they see us?
- It's alright. Go hide in here.
Yes!
Maybe we should get out the car.
It's flashing.
Yeah, just run up these hills.
- OK.
- Hold on.
- OK.
- Go somewhere sort of...
I find if you go somewhere
kind of rural, they...
Well, they won't drive up here, will they?
- They're looking for us. But....
- Oh, what's that over there?
- Over where? What's what?
- Oh, I've got more...
- It's like some kind of...
- Right, I'm clear.
Ooh, look at this.
Look at what?
Look.
It's like...
- a massive kind of arena.
- Oh!
My God, this is so cool.
I wonder if you could actually
stage something here.
- What, like, put on a play?
- Yeah.
Man, that looks so cool.
Alright, do, do something.
Do a...
- Do a what?
- Like a...
- A soliloquy or...?
- Yeah, a bit of Shakespeare.
"Life's a walking shadow,
a poor player
that struts and frets his hour
upon the stage
and then is heard no more.
It is a tale told by an idiot...
full of sound and fury,
"signifying nothing."
There you go.
What is that one?
Crowd invitation.
OK. Oh, that's,
that is very appropriate, yeah.
Well...
you can't catch COVID in GTA,
I'll put it that way.
Exactly.
And anyway, it's an outdoor theater.
This is perfect.
Yeah.
It'd be difficult, mostly
because of the sort of generalized...
Generally, you know,
people are violent in the game.
- They blow stuff up and shoot people
- Yeah, but...
because it's fun
and they can't do it in real life.
People are violent...
in Shakespeare. It's fucking brutal.
Yes.
Everyone...
Like, in Hamlet, everyone dies.
Titus Andronicus, I mean.
Yeah.
It's perfect. Come on.
Oh, someone's here. Look. Hi.
Oh, look, someone's turned up.
Is that you? Hi.
Someone's here, Mark.
- Are you gonna come and watch our play?
- Have we?
- Oh, yeah, yeah. He is.
- Yeah, yeah.
You can...
I mean, you could watch from there.
It's a bit unorthodox. Or you...
I recommend... yeah, that's it.
Thank you for coming
to see our performance.
It's nice to have an audience
even if it's just one.
Right. OK. Oh, look,
we got another audience member here.
This is Hamlet.
William Shakespeare's Hamlet.
I believe this is the first time
it's ever been performed
at the Vinewood Bowl.
If I could just request that
you refrain from killing each other.
And don't kill the actors either.
Yes. Start. Start, Mark.
You start.
"Who's there?"
"Nay, answer me.
Stand and unfold yourself."
"Long live the king."
"Bernardo?"
"He."
"You come most carefully
upon your hour."
"'Tis now struck twelve."
"Get thee to bed, Francisco."
"For this relief much thanks.
'Tis bitter cold, and I am sick at heart."
"Have you had quiet guard?"
"Not a mouse stirring."
"Well, good night.
If you do meet Horatio and Marcellus,
the rivals of my watch,
"bid them make haste."
"I think I hear them.
"Stand ho. Who's there?"
"Friends to this ground," I think.
I don't think so.
"And liegemen to the Dane."
Shit, that's the fucking police.
"Oh, farewell, honest soldier.
Who hast relieved you?"
"Bernardo has my place.
Give you good night."
"Holla, Bernardo."
Oh, shit.
- "Say what, is Horatio there?"
- Fuck!
Alright. We did pretty well
to get as far as we did there.
The fucking cops turned
up in a helicopter!
What does a filmmaker
in GTA look like?
Well, you can choose.
Do I choose one
that looks like my mother?
If you like.
- So, I wouldn't go too...
- No.
Oh, my God! I mean, I...
I would like to look
slightly like Tilda Swinton, to be honest.
That's quite cool.
You know what?
I am so sick of Hackney.
This is gonna be a great escape.
It's like going on holiday, isn't it?
Without going on holiday.
Oh, my God, who's he?
I'm gonna mess you up.
Fuck!
- This is a joke!
- Are you alright?
Yeah, someone just tried
to steal my car, so I just kinda killed--
It's not your car, to be fair.
- I'm a grown, big-ass woman.
- I wanna meet you in the session,
and then you can come to my apartment.
- Ooh, OK. What happens there?
- Yeah. Oh, anything.
Oh, my God.
It's like going out with you again.
Like we're just starting a relationship.
I'm just like, you know,
we just started dating
and you're taking me to your place.
It's quite exciting.
Can you make me a drink?
If you just come up here.
How do I slap your arse?
You're really...
- I don't think you can do that.
- Yeah, I quite fancy you, actually.
It's quite romantic up here.
Don't you think?
- It is. It's really romantic.
- You think?
Sam...
Are you... Are you OK?
Yeah, I'm...
Well, I mean, not really.
No, it's...
It's shit. Everything's shit.
I have nothing now.
What about that coding course
you're doing, though?
Yeah, it's like
that government advert they put out
with that picture of a ballet dancer,
and it says,
"Fatima is now retraining in tech."
And I just see that
and it just is a knife through my heart,
because that's me, I am Fatima,
and my dreams, and Fatima's dreams,
have been ripped away from them.
I know.
You're both fucked.
Are you interviewing both of us together
at the same time here?
I am. Yeah.
Do you think that
doing a production of Hamlet
inside GTA is achievable?
Short answer is no.
I think...
No! I think it's a terrible idea,
but I definitely think
we should try and do it.
The first sort of obstacle we found
is that we can't do it just the two of us.
No. We can do a certain bit,
which we've done.
But if we're gonna try
and push it further, and--
- We need more people.
- We need more people.
You can't do a full production
of Hamlet with two actors.
It might be quite interesting
to approach just random people
who normally play this game
to drive around and commit crimes
and do sort of violent things
and see if they'd be interested in that.
Watch it! There's a dude.
There's someone coming up to us here.
Where? Oh, hi.
He might want to be in our show.
So, listen.
We're gonna try
and do a play, a production.
A Shakespeare production.
Hey, hey. No! Oh!
He came to pulverize us.
...of actors performing
in a Shakespeare play.
In GTA.
You crazy, no?
Yes. Yes, a little.
A little crazy, yes. A little.
You kill me.
- No, you killed me, Co3lho.
- Yeah.
- I feel we're getting somewhere.
- It's too prone to violence.
I think we're getting somewhere.
No, we're not.
OK. This is much, much harder
than I thought it was gonna be.
Is this insane?
It's madness.
I tell you what, should we go and
chill out in my apartment or something?
Yeah, that's an idea.
I'd better go in.
I might have a quick...
Oh, my God.
I've got a friend request from Co3lho.
- Co3lho?
- No way.
Why don't you invite him to the apartment?
Enter! Enter!
- He's not gonna kill us, is he?
- No, no, no.
Yes, enter!
No. No porno, no porno.
No porno, no.
We are making a documentary
about me trying to set up
a Shakespeare production.
Mark is gonna do
a little bit of Shakespeare
just to show you the kind of thing
we're gonna be doing.
Co3lho, look at me.
"Tomorrow and tomorrow
and tomorrow
creeps in this petty pace
from day to day.
And all our yesterdays have
lighted fools their way to dusty death.
Out, out, brief candle.
Life is a walking shadow.
A poor player that struts
and frets his hour upon the stage
and then is heard no more.
It is a tale told by an idiot
full of sound and fury
"signifying nothing."
Is he gone?
- Yeah, he's gone.
- OK.
He's left.
Do you think... Is this something
that we need to work on, guys?
Our delivery?
I don't know.
I mean, I didn't really...
I have to say, Mark, I...
I thought that was really beautiful.
I thought that was
absolutely gorgeous, actually.
I didn't stick to the iambic
pentameter. Maybe he didn't like that.
Yeah, fuck that. No...
Yeah, maybe he's a purist.
Is anyone actually...
gonna learn a Shakespeare speech...
and come and audition for us? I mean,
seeing what people are like in here,
do we think...
Is that really gonna happen?
Well, there's probably
a Venn diagram of,
you know, people who play GTA
and people who like Shakespeare,
and the crossover is very small.
It'd be nice
if they weren't two posh blokes.
Yeah.
Two white, 40-something blokes.
Maybe we could actually make
a sort of recruitment video
on the beach, like, over here.
It's, like, a nice spot.
Yeah!
And we can actually,
yeah, we can film something.
- You know, we've got our filmmaker here.
- Yeah.
We could have a video,
we can post it online,
and then people can see it
and respond to it.
Yeah, let's do it.
- OK. Set up the shot.
- OK.
- OK.
- Hang on. OK. Let's...
Yeah. Let's set up the shot.
OK, are we happy, does it look good?
We happy?
- Yes, yes.
- Go! Go, let's do it now.
Yes? OK. OK.
Oh, shit. Are they after you?
Are you killing them, Mark?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll hold them off. I'll hold them off.
- OK.
- OK.
We are putting on a production
of Hamlet for the first time ever.
It's gonna be put on here
in Next-Gen GTA Online, in Los Santos.
And we are looking for actors.
So, if you've always wanted your chance
to strut your Shakespearean shit
on a virtual stage,
come and audition.
Details below.
Fuck, we've got the police
trying to stop us.
You can't stop art, motherfuckers.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, shit. They got me.
Me, too.
Fuck.
Oh, my God.
They're really coming down now. Look.
Rappel SWAT team.
- OK.
- OK.
Whoa.
It does look good
from up here, doesn't it?
This looks fucking awesome.
I mean...
So, I've parked the car
down there already, as you can see.
Oh, nice.
- Yeah--
- My car! My car!
- Well, yeah.
- Just to say.
- You changed it so I could drive it.
- Yeah, I know.
But I just want everyone to know
that the nice car is actually mine.
Alright.
Yanno, I don't get to--
In real life, I have a Prius.
Alright.
Well, let's see who else is here.
There's someone in the session
called FKen776.
Yeah. And who else is there?
DJPhil89.
We've got some
audience members, guys.
- We've got some audience members.
- Oh, they're just NPCs.
Don't worry about them.
Well, this is the only two--
Oh, my God! FKen776 left.
- Wow!
- Oh, shit!
- FKen didn't like the sound of that.
- OK.
So, I think that's a, that's a no.
Right.
This isn't going very well.
Can you just give me...
Can you give me one second?
I'm really desperate for a wee. Sorry.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- No worries.
- OK, I'll be back.
How have you been, then,
Mark?
Have you been doing sad things?
Yeah, I had to go to
Holland for a funeral.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Yeah, it's alright.
It's my dad's sister.
- So, you know, it's a bit...
- Yeah.
They're a bit tricky, these things,
nowadays, really.
She was my last living blood relative.
Really?
- Yeah.
- Wow.
Yeah. So...
Yeah, it's just me left, you know.
Oh, Mark.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Yeah. It's alright.
Play your violins and all that.
But I think it's why I think I found,
you know, pandemic, the lockdown,
and everything a little bit hard.
I think a lot of people kind of shrunk
into their sort of family bubbles.
And I didn't really have one.
And I don't have a partner,
I don't have kids, and you know...
I've always played games quite a lot, but
I kind of got into them more in lockdown,
because it's something
you can either do on your own,
or, as we're doing,
you can connect to people online,
even if your kind of, yanno, social
schedules don't necessarily match up,
that kind of thing.
Anyone coming?
- Anyone?
- Doesn't look like it.
There were only two other people,
one's left,
and the other one, DJPhil,
is, so far, unresponsive.
- Oh, hang on. Is that DJPhil?
- Oh, my God.
Oh, OK. DJPhil? Hello. Is that you?
OK. They're not talking.
That could be a problem
if they're gonna...
They may not have a mic.
Alright. They're coming this way.
OK. DJPhil, don't shoot us, please.
Don't shoot us.
Yeah.
- Please don't shoot us.
- We're in peace.
- Wow, OK. They're pretty violent.
- OK, shit.
DJPhil, I'm quite scared of DJ--
OK, DJPhil,
please don't do that to us.
- OK, OK, OK.
- Oh, hi.
- OK.
- Hello. Hi!
Hi, DJPhil, that person you hit
has come to hit you back.
Oh, oh. OK, DJ--
- No, no, no, DJ, I'm gonna get this...
- Alright.
Let's kill this guy,
'cause he's gonna get DJPhil.
- OK.
- Right.
Do we have to kill him
or can we just sort of...
- I think so.
- Oh, wow.
- Sorry, but...
- Sam, you just,
you just knocked that guy out by kicking--
- Wah, that's me! Alright.
- Sorry. I know.
I'm sorry, but I just--
I think you just killed this guy
by stamping on the back of his leg.
How did you do that?
I was just very excited to have
someone come who might want to--
DJPhil, did you hear the shout-out?
So, did you maybe see the video
that Sam made and put out?
- I did, so...
- He put out a recruitment video.
- OK. There you go.
- Yeah, absolutely.
I'm just gonna try and get
a little bit of control going over here.
- Oh, OK.
- That's good.
Have you not played GTA
very much?
Not very much. Not very much.
- OK.
- No.
I'm a literary agent
and a mum, and I love Hamlet,
and it seems like my only opportunity
to actually audition
for Hamlet at the moment
is to jump onto my nephew's GTA.
- Oh, wow.
- OK.
Shit, someone's actually
responded, Mark.
OK. Right. Hi, DJPhil.
Trying to get
a good view of you guys.
"What I have done that might your nature,
honor, and exception roughly awake,
I here proclaim was madness.
Was it Hamlet wronged Laertes?
Never Hamlet.
If Hamlet from himself be ta'en away
and when he's not himself
does wrong Laertes,
then Hamlet does it not.
I embrace it freely and will
this brother's wager frankly play.
"Give us the foils. Come on."
"Come,
"one for me."
Alright, alright, alright.
Boom, boom!
Oh, shit. You got me.
DJPhil shot-gunned me.
It's interesting
how funny people find it
when they shoot each other in this game.
Oh! Come on quick,
let's get Claudius.
She was amazing, right?
I think she'd be like a really good--
- If we're gonna cross gender...
- Yeah, definitely.
I mean, could be a really good Laertes,
actually, I think.
- Yep.
- Let's get her--
Let's jump out at her,
let's surprise her,
and just say, "Listen, hey,
we wanna cast you."
Hey, hey, hey! Look who it is!
DJPhil
or Nemonie, how's it going?
No, it's not Nemonie.
What?
No, that's my aunt.
- Your aunt?
- Yes.
What have you done with your aunt?
Well... I'm working away
and she's returning to London.
So, she won't be able to...
like, use your account again in future?
Bit of a shame.
Shit.
So, sort of roughly, do you know
how many people we're expecting?
I think you said some random
from Instagram? Or not?
Well, yes, I did say that.
But...
- But...
- Here we are, here's Mark.
- So, we are waiting...
- One other person, right?
Yeah, for Nora,
who is a GTA role player.
She looks quite sort of glamorous.
- Here you are.
- Hey!
Hey!
Welcome. Welcome to this crazy thing
that we're doing, by the way.
Like, I'm a retail person, so, like...
I work in retail,
so it's really nothing fancy,
I actually hate it.
And acting is something
that I've really wanted to do.
I did actually do Hamlet in Year 9.
Oh, really?
OK.
"Blasted with ecstasy.
O, woe is me
T'have seen what I have seen,
"see what I see!"
- That was so good!
- Can I just say, like...
for someone who just literally
read that, having not...
You speak it really, really beautifully.
Thank you.
- Yeah!
- Yeah.
Hi.
Whoa! That's...
That's quite an entrance.
Righty-ho!
Hi, Nemo, how's it going?
Hi.
Hi.
That's quite a swag
you've got going there.
Thank you. It's a...
modern take on Mercutio.
OK, cool, I like it.
You can call me Shah.
I haven't ever auditioned for a play.
I've never done Shakespeare in my life.
So, I'm Tilly.
I'm originally from Cumbria.
Evening, all. I'm Sam.
But my...
my primary gig these days
is full-time house dad.
So, my name's Gareth.
My online handle is Turkomas.
I am a life-long gamer,
nerd and Shakespeare fan.
Online you have no idea what I look like,
but I have a face
for radio and a voice for mime.
So, I was never going to play
the romantic lead.
Well, I'm a historic cook.
I was originally
an apprentice Tudor roaster.
And I roasted beef on the fire
in Hampton Court Palace
in the Great Kitchen for a few years.
So why don't I introduce myself?
Sure. I am Jen.
I'm best known as Pharah in Overwatch,
if you're another gamer.
- Oh, my God!
- No way!
- Yeah. So that--
- No way!
Oh, my God. You have killed me with
your rockets from the sky so many times.
"I am thy father's spirit
doomed for a certain term
to walk the night,
and for the day,
confined to fast in fires.
Fare thee well at once.
The glowworm shows the matin
to be near
and 'gins to pale
his uneffectual fire.
Adieu.
Adieu. Adieu.
"Remember me."
- Oh, my God! Amazing!
- Nice!
Wow!
- Commit suicide at the end?
- Whoo!
And there is a random person
in the session who's,
going to come and join us too,
and we'll see how that goes.
I think this might be him over here.
He's dressed like an alien.
- ParTebMosMir.
- Alright, OK.
- There he is! Whoo-hoo.
- Oh, great.
- He's got a flash ride.
- Fucking hell! Look at this dude.
- Hey, man!
- Wow.
- Is he gonna...?
- I love his outfit.
- Should we make friends with him?
- It's so cool.
We're putting on
a production of Hamlet
and we're doing some auditions today.
So you're welcome to audition if you want.
- Or you could just watch.
- Yes.
- Do you want to audition?
- Whoo-hoo!
- Do you wanna audition?
- With my ass, baby!
Yeah, audition with your ass! OK.
Do you know... Do you...? Do you know
any Shakespeare speeches?
- What you gonna do?
- Yes.
- Picking my fucking nose and doing drugs!
- OK.
Like this. Then you hit me.
Hit me now. Let's go.
You fucking... You broke my teeth.
Now I need to go buy gold one.
OK. ParTeb.
ParTeb, would you like
to do your Shakespeare speech?
I didn't find any.
I don't understand how I find that.
Listen, I tell you what,
while you Google one,
Lizzie, do you want to have a go?
Thank you
for your patience, Lizzie.
That's alright. All good.
Lizzie, can you tell us
a bit about yourself, please?
Or Woffdawg,
however you want to be called.
Hello. Yeah. I am, I am Lizzie
aka Woffdawg in game.
And I am an actor and a voice artist.
And I live in London...
London, wow!
Shh, shh, shh!
- Go for it.
- Alright.
"Our course will seem too bloody,
Caius Cassius,
to cut the head off
and then hack the limbs,
it's like wrath in death
and envy afterwards,
and Anthony is but a limb of Caesar.
Let's kill him boldly,
but not wrathfully.
Caius, we all stand
against the spirit of Caesar,
and in the spirit of men,
there is no blood.
O, that we can then come by
Caesar's spirit and not dismember Caesar,
but, alas,
"Caesar must bleed for it."
That was nice.
That was great. That was brilliant.
That's so cool. That looked fucking cool.
Looked good, right?
Yeah, you caught me,
you caught me, actually...
Concentrate. You know I have ADHD
so I don't concentrate,
but you actually caught me
concentrating on you.
- Wow. That is...
- I have ADHD, too. Yes, friend!
Really?
That's really good.
That's good feedback.
- That's amazing feedback.
- That's great feedback.
Whenever you're ready, ParTeb.
Just because we never know when someone's
gonna come and throw a rock at us.
So I'd say go.
You can do anything.
It's hard.
My English is not so, no, no.
Can I just say, ParTeb?
Your English is amazing.
Can I ask where you're from, ParTeb?
- Your English is perfect.
- Can I ask where you're from?
So, originally from Tunisia.
I am Arabic, but half from Finland.
Half from Finland,
and half from Tunisia?
- Oh, OK.
- Cool.
Can you just say...
Just while you're
doing your dance, just try saying like,
"To be or not to be.
That is the question."
Okay... That's good.
OK.
I have my own speech, if it's OK.
I can say...
Recite Qur'an.
Recite some of Qur'an?
Well, we would love
to hear that if you,
if you have a section of it memorized,
and you have an emote for it or something.
"I seek refuge in
Allah from the outcast Satan
In the name of Allah,
the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Thee do we worship, and Thine aid we seek
Guide us in the straight path
The way of those on whom
Thou hast bestowed Thy Grace
"Those whose portion is not wrath,
and who go not astray"
Amen.
Adis, amigos. Yeah.
- Oh, that was beautiful.
- That was beautiful.
Thank you, ParTeb.
Thank you very much.
Yes, I'm Dipo, Dollah101.
I heard about this through Mark
'cause I play football with him,
every Monday.
Yeah, whenever you're ready,
in your own time, go for it.
"No, Iago, I'll see before I doubt;
when I doubt, prove.
And on the proof,
there is no more but this.
Away at once with love
"or jealousy."
Whoo! Whoo!
Love it!
OK, I think this, calls for champagne, right?
I think so.
Geez. I mean that, that went...
that went like way better than I thought,
I'll be brutally honest.
Like the standard was so high.
That was ridiculous.
Dipo was unreal. Yeah. Yeah.
I think I kind of think he's gotta,
he's gotta play Hamlet.
What I really like
about Dipo is that
he has such great control over his voice
Yeah.
So he's like, he speaks sort of
softly, but there's a sort of power to it.
He was just so kind of centered
and you just... It drew us in.
I mean, people fucking turned up, Mark.
I know. Like, what the hell?
Yes. I mean, I cannot believe it.
Like, and they were so fucking good.
That just... OK.
We're getting going.
- Sometimes it takes a while.
- Yep.
Pinny, don't reveal the secrets
of our boudoir, please.
Whay! Whoo!
I want to see what you think
of if we came in here,
what this would be like
- as an entrance.
- Good to see you, boss.
Oh, shit.
You've got Elsinore up there.
Yeah.
How did you do that?
'Cause you can change
the name of your organization.
Oh! That... Dude, that is amazing.
- That's fucking cool.
- What's cooking?
I mean, it cost me $250,000.
You know, I think it's worth it.
Hey, man!
OK, so, guys, yeah.
This is my office.
Help yourself to a drink.
There's wine over here if you like.
Is someone trying to blow up our office?
I've chosen
to do shit-faced Shakespeare.
OK.
My God, Dipo, go easy! OK...
Can I just ask who Haklin90 is?
Are they joining us for the rehearsal?
- OK.
- The person in the red shorts.
Oh, my God, everyone's just
coming here getting drunk.
Oh, Dipo! You need to sober up, man!
Dipo's absolutely wasted!
Supposed
to be performing in Hamlet.
Oh, my God. OK.
Can I be the Harry Potter?
Harry Potter? OK.
It's not...
Harry Potter is not in helmet... Hamlet?
No,
Harry Potter's not in Hamlet, no.
Not in this version.
Would you like to come and watch
a production of Hamlet?
I don't have time now, actually.
Fair enough.
Alright. Fair enough.
Shall we just get on with it, OK?
I mean, this is not just a big piss up
and, you know... Shall we have a go?
- Let's just...
- Shall we have a stumble through?
Does everyone have a copy
of the edited script?
I'm really excited actually.
Like everyone involved in this
is just really, really fucking talented,
and I'm so pleased
that we've got you involved.
And on a general safeguarding issue,
I know it's a little bit weird
to be doing Hamlet in GTA.
We want all the rehearsal spaces
to be a safe, comfortable environment.
Yeah. Like when you're getting shot
or something like that, you know.
"It is a nipping and an eager air."
"What hour now?"
"I think it lacks of 12."
"Mark me."
"I will."
"My hour is almost come,
"when I, to sulphurous and
tormenting flames, must render up myself."
"...my memory I'll wipe away all
trivial fond records, all saws of books,
all forms, all pressures past, that youth
"and observation copied there..."
Oh, FredDog. No, no, no!
Don't kill him. He's Hamlet.
Yo! Oh...
- FredDog!
- Oh, no.
Fucking... Oh, man.
- FredDog, you absolute swine!
- Oh, you dick!
And this is the stuff
we need to discover as we go along,
and we will discover,
in the rehearsal process,
moments that are dangerous
where, shit, that could be interrupted,
you know, someone could fuck us up there,
things like that.
Dipo, sorry to be interrupted.
"That this too too solid flesh would melt,
thaw and resolve itself into a dew!
Or that the Everlasting had not fix'd
his canon 'gainst self-slaughter!
O God! God!
"How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable,
seem to me all the uses of this world!"
Yeah. It's good.
Your instincts are good, Dipo.
Whenever there's a new thought,
that's a good place
to put a move or an emote
or something to kind of emphasize it.
Actually focusing on the technical
right now is a lot more useful.
- OK, cool.
- Sure.
It's so hard to...
to just do, just to find any sort of flow.
There we go.
"I have of late
wherefore I know not..."
Oh, sorry. That is fucking great!
But if you don't kill yourself.
What do you want from them?
You just want them to come?
We need to get the big boys along.
Dear National Theatre...
Oh, hi. Yeah.
Can I speak to the head of digital.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it's Sam Crane.
Sam Crane.
Yeah. No, no, no. He said he was gonna
get back to me and he hasn't. So...
Good car. Very impressive.
I think maybe we could do
the beginning of the play.
Down here, as you come down here,
we get down to the metro station.
Oh. Like in the subway?
And like all that stuff,
like, "Who's there?"
And it could be like a fucking
metro train coming, you know...
I guess
there's a certain atmosphere.
Oh, OK. Thanks. Goodbye.
A crowded train is not an
excuse for inappropriate...
This is a bit like Canada Water.
Yeah, I think
the whole kind of like...
Oh, whoa!
Here comes Dipo.
I've actually never even
been here before. It's really, really...
- It's so cool. It's really, really nice.
- Nor have I.
While everybody's here...
And you know what, let me just say
you know, your quality you have
as Hamlet, it's really special.
Cool. Thanks, guys.
I appreciate that. I appreciate that.
But what I wanted to come and just...
I guess I just talk
to you guys about is...
really enjoying
what we've been doing so far,
and it's been really, really fun
to explore Hamlet in this way.
In my actual life
as an actual human being,
I've actually managed
to get myself a job recently.
I think, I'm just getting the schedules
through and everything,
I just don't think
I'll be able to do Hamlet
as well as do that production as well.
Just don't think
I'll be able to give you the time
that you need to play Hamlet in this,
production.
- Thoughts? Queries? Questions?
- Right...
Right. OK. Well, that does throw
a spanner in the works slightly,
but we can work around that.
But just to be clear, though, so you won't
have the time to play Hamlet,
but we can still use you
in like a smaller part?
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Like if there's smaller parts that are
manageable that you guys have available.
Well, thank you
for letting us know. Totally understand.
Congratulations on your real job.
My real life!
Yeah.
We totally, we totally understand.
Like I said, you know, if...
if anyone wanted to hire us,
we'd do the same, but, yeah...
That was great.
I'm really, really happy for you, man.
That's... it's really cool.
Oh, thank you. Oh, my God.
Is that... Sorry, complete sidetrack.
- Is that an actual train?
- Yeah. Yeah...
Is it like so much of a dick move
if I just go and get on this train?
Because... where does it even take you?
Is it like...? OK.
We're not even sure,
but you know what?
Actually, that's a good point,
because like...
if you're not gonna be playing Hamlet,
there's not much point in rehearsing you.
We need to rethink things through.
Yeah. Thanks for the, for the bullet as you go, but...
No seriously, man.
Thanks for, thanks for letting us know.
Yeah. Catch you later. Geez!
That thing doesn't wait around.
Well, fuck.
- OK.
- Yeah, well...
Oh, fuck.
It's a bit annoying actually,
because, like...
like no one really seems to have
the availability we need now.
Dipo was great, he was also one of the few
people who was around...
for the whole period.
You know, everyone else has got
other things going on as well.
The pandemic is kind
of coming to a close. Let's hope.
And people are getting
real jobs?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Yeah. Well,
some people are getting real jobs. Yeah.
Whereas we're stuck doing, this...
What is it? Fake job, nonsense job?
Whatever this is.
Yeah.
This is giving us a clue,
this is giving us a sign, you know,
Dipo's got a real job, like a proper job.
Yeah. Giving us a clue,
giving us a sign of what?
That this is all...
This is not a thing, Mark.
This is not a thing. This is not...
This is just...
a silly idea. And...
It's evidently not gonna work.
...which can delay travel.
Dipo's got a real job.
I wanna get a real job.
No one's getting back to me.
None of the theaters have got back to me.
No one's gonna come.
It's not a real thing.
Like, it's real to me!
Look, Sam,
you've got a wife, you've got kids,
you've got other shit going on.
I don't, I don't have any of those things.
I've been sitting at home on my own
in lockdown with nothing to do.
I'm sorry, man.
And you know one of the few things
that I've been able to do,
that I can occupy my mind with, that's
been able to distract me has been this.
It's not real for you, and
you're feeling shit, and I get it, man,
because it's a bit annoying
Dipo can't do this, but we'll work it out.
At least I've been able to, yanno,
devote some of my time to this project.
Otherwise what the hell else
would I be doing?
Sitting around feeling sorry for myself?
I get it. It's disappointing.
You just do the best you can
with what you got, man.
Alright. I'm sorry, man.
I'm s-- I've, yeah...
We've got four weeks.
Everybody's made their availability
or lack of availability very clear.
I think the problem with Hamlet is
basically whoever's gonna play Hamlet
needs to be available for every rehearsal.
Yeah.
And nobody is available
for every rehearsal except you and me.
OK.
And I think I sound,
I don't sound right to play Hamlet.
And I think you do.
So I think you're the only person who can.
It's just a purely practical matter.
We're out of time.
Screw you!
How's it goin'?
I've been seeing some
strange images on the infrared telescope
the last few nights.
Of course, they don't want you
to know about the new missile launchers.
on the Vatican's latest gyrocopter.
I know what's really going on.
Hi...
I don't know.
I just... I don't think I can do it.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
"To be or not to be,
that is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind
"to suffer the slings and arrows
of outrageous fortune..."
Who's this?
Oh they're in passive mode.
Show me the video... One second.
- Did you hear my speech?
- Yeah, it's really good.
- No, I'm asking these people in the game.
- Oh, right.
- He doesn't care!
- They don't care. No one cares.
No one cares.
Like we don't hear from the agent.
We don't hear from...
Here's someone.
Did you hear my speech?
Please don't shoot me.
Don't shoot me, don't shoot me.
Don't shoot me. I'm, I'm in peace.
Please don't shoot me.
OK. I'm gonna do my speech again to you.
Is that alright?
"To be or not to be, that is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind
to suffer the slings and arrows
of outrageous fortune,
or to take arms against a sea of troubles
and by opposing end them?
"To die..."
He erased me.
Maybe he didn't like it.
You are bitch.
I'm not.
Just, OK, please don't kill me again.
- You are bitch!
- You know it's from Hamlet.
I don't know... Did you like it or not?
Fuck, I think this is
the toughest audition you've ever had.
"Whether 'tis nobler in the mind
to suffer the slings and arrows
of outrageous fortune,
"or to take arms
against a sea of trouble?"
"And by opposing, end them?"
There he is.
I think, Mark,
we need to find somewhere, just, I dunno,
like really cool to do the speech,
just, you know, a brilliant setting.
- I've got some ideas.
- Of course you do.
It's a very well-known speech,
isn't it?
So we probably want somewhere
to mark that, mark the importance of it.
- Pretty epic.
- This is good. Yeah.
This feels good.
This feels quite grand, yeah.
OK. Shall I give it a go here?
You ready?
"To be or not to be, that is the
question."
Shall we try somewhere else?
I'm thinking bright neons,
maybe, like, Baz Luhrmann.
Well, I think,
yanno, costumes...
It's important, isn't it? It's...
Let me try it. OK.
"To be or not to be,
that is the question."
Let me know if I can improve
your shopping experience for you.
Oh, for fuck's sake!
Yeah...
I like the shorts.
Yeah. I just feel
we're getting a bit caught up in...
I'm feeling that, yeah, I, I, I'm sort
of losing touch with what this is about...
"Whether 'tis nobler in the mind
to suffer the slings and arrows..."
Hello.
I like this guy's, get up.
Maybe this guy might have
something to say to us about it.
We could ask him.
We were talking about life and death.
We were wondering if you had
any opinions to share with us?
So, I mean guys, I wanna be
honest with you, I just woke off hospital.
Nothing to be worried about.
I just broke a leg working and...
- You broke your leg? Shit!
- Yeah.
Yeah, I'm a delivery driver
and I broke my leg, yeah.
Is it gonna be OK?
- You know the Shakespeare play Hamlet?
- Yes.
And so Hamlet,
he talks about, "To be or not to be".
So we're just trying to think about that,
what that really means.
I do hope there is something
else, afterwards, really, like...
I mean, guys,
I wanna be honest with you, I don't think
I'm in the right place to actually...
be replying to this right now.
- OK, fair enough.
- Yeah.
It's a big question, isn't it?
To be or not to be,
to exist or not to exist.
If your life's terrible and unhappy
and there's no joy or love in it...
is it better, braver,
to soldier on and to...
stick around like a schmuck...
while you just get kicked in the balls
repeatedly over and over again,
and nothing ever goes right for you?
Or actually, is the brave thing to do,
the smart thing to do even,
the sensible thing to do,
just to end it all, because
at least then you have
a shred of your dignity intact.
Suicide's more of a male thing
than a female thing, much more so,
and most people,
at some point, think those thoughts.
Sooner or later.
There it is.
Where America vegetates.
The recycled,
organic-fiber-wearing,
fully biodegradable,
100% sustainable, liberal superhero.
Yeah.
There's a sort of dive bar here.
You coming?
Coming.
- There's a pet snake here.
- I'm gonna seriously fuck you up!
Python, I think.
Whoa. Someone's hitting you.
- Idiot!
- Oh, no.
Oh, what the hell? Bar brawl!
I want to play with the python.
Don't kill me, man!
No, please!
- Oh, wow.
- It's a rock python.
Stop!
- Jesus Christ.
- Yeah, it's huge.
Look how fat it is.
"To be or not to be,
that is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind
to suffer the slings and arrows
of outrageous fortune,
"or to take arms
against a sea of troubles."
"And by opposing, end them?"
The cops are here.
"To die,
to sleep, no more.
And by a sleep,
to say we end the heartache
and the thousand natural shocks
that flesh is heir to.
To the consummation
devoutly to be wished, to die, to sleep.
"To sleep. Perchance to dream.
Aye, there's the rub."
I need money for the bus.
Money for cat food!
"For in that sleep of death,
what dreams may come
when we have shuffled off
this mortal coil, must give us pause.
There's the respect that
makes calamity of so long life,
for who would bear
the whips and scorns of time,
the oppressor's wrong,
the proud man's contumely,
the pangs of dispriz'd love,
the law's delay
and the spurns that patient merit
of the unworthy takes,
when he himself might his quietus make
with a bare bodkin?
Who would fardels bear,
to grunt and sweat under a weary life,
but that the dread of something
after death,
the undiscover'd country from whose bourn
no traveller returns,
puzzles the will and makes us
rather bear those ills we have
than fly to others
that we know not of?
Thus conscience
does make cowards of us all,
and thus the native hue
of resolution is sicklied o'er
with the pale cast of thought,
and enterprises of great pitch
and moment with this regard
"their currents turn awry,
and lose the name of action."
Oh, that toilet cleaner's
got me real messed up. Fuck!
OK, Mark...
I think I can do this.
OK, so, the story of Hamlet.
Hamlet's father dies,
and his uncle marries his mother.
He smells a rat,
and his suspicions are confirmed
when the ghost of his father turns up and
tells him he was murdered by his uncle.
"Look you how pale he glares!
"Do you see nothing there?"
"Nothing at all."
With his best friend
Horatio's help,
he spends the rest of the play
trying to get revenge on his uncle,
and meanwhile, his uncle tries to get rid
of Hamlet with the help of Polonius
and his daughter who's a bit of a puppet,
and, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern,
two of his friends.
Everybody dies in the process,
and this involves
lots of people pretending to be
something that they're not.
"Something's rotten
in the state of Denmark"... fits very well
to this sort of
fictional world of Los Santos.
You know, LA, ultra, ultra capitalism,
where everything is all about
getting what you want.
A quick buck, a quick bang.
I can't imagine
Claudius's life was exactly awful.
You know, brother to the king of Denmark,
it wasn't enough,
there being someone
more masculine than him,
it didn't sit well for him, it's like
violence seems to be the only answer.
That's a good point, Gareth.
Yeah, it's, you know...
It's a simple male thing, isn't it?
Claudius... behaving like that.
Maybe... here's one for you, Gareth,
maybe Claudius should have played
more computer games?
Ay, ay, ay!
Pinny, I think you and I are
the only civilized people here.
Oh, there we go.
That's who I recognise.
Yeah, I know.
Now you recognise the ass, I think.
Yeah, that's right!
How could I forget?
I don't know.
We've been actually, rehearsing this production of Hamlet.
What the fuck, man?
We're gonna do a rehearsal
this evening
if you wanna come along and watch.
You could be security for us.
Oh, that's fine.
Yeah. I'm interested alright.
- Yeah, that's good idea.
- Yeah.
"That is the question,
whether 'tis nobler in the mind
to suffer the slings and arrows
of outrageous fortune
"or to take arms against
a sea of troubles and by opposing--"
Oh, that's ParTeb.
Thank you, ParTeb.
I don't know what that meant.
- But thank you for killing him.
- Doing an amazing job.
Yeah,
we are now Shakespeare. You know.
We are now Killer Shakespeare.
- Killer Shakespeare.
- Murder Shakespeare, yeah.
Yeah. I mean,
Shakespeare is quite violent anyway, so.
We have another observer
over here called, Dan, Dontae, Don...
DontaeIsBetter.
He's in a top hat
and he's just watching us.
He's...
He's very friendly.
He has an interesting look.
Yeah, the sort of, like,
little dopamine hit you get
of when you speak to someone in here,
they do engage and go,
"Oh, I'm interested in what you're up to.
Can I watch?"
And you think,
"Yes, please. This is great."
"Sleep rock thy brain
"and never come mischance
between us twain."
"The lady protests too much,
methinks."
"I'll take the ghost's word
for a thousand pound. Didst perceive?"
"Very well, my Lord."
"Upon the talk of poisoning?"
"I did very well note him."
The Diamond Casino and Resort.
Fight the evil of boredom
with high stakes gaming.
Rich people truly are happier.
Well, there's a quiet corner
of the casino we can go to over here.
I'm stood over here in the corner.
It's a little bit quiet
and there aren't many people around.
Feeling really pleased, guys.
I'm really impressed.
We got through the whole of Act 3,
which is the biggest act.
We've got some ideas about, staging.
We coped well with the distractions.
I'm glad that we're getting used
to them now,
and just accepting
that they are gonna happen.
And yeah, I'm just very pleased.
I thought it was a really productive,
really good rehearsal.
Well done, everybody.
Like, I've never seen
a person do a play before,
so this is, like,
the first thing I've ever seen.
Wow!
Well, what a first.
I recently came out as trans
to my family,
and then, yeah, so...
It's one of them situations,
like, where you realise
who the... who the people around you are,
but also,
you're also finding your own truth.
That's why I can relate to Hamlet because
he's finding his own truth,
but he's also realizing
what people are like around him.
Yes! Yeah.
And then I'll try
and squeeze more time in as well
to get as much performance time
as I possibly can before I go.
Thank you, Nora.
That's really nice to hear.
Also, big up, DontaeIsBetter, because
you were amazing,
so it's been great to have you here.
And please just come along whenever,
you know.
Join us whenever you see us online,
Dontae. You're always welcome.
The silent, the silent legend.
- There we go. Right. Alright.
- Yeah!
We're gonna have some fun
with a blimp today, Jen.
- Of course we are.
- Of course we are.
Yes! An average Wednesday morning.
It's perfect.
Just as Shakespeare intended.
Yes.
If he could have done it himself, Mark.
He was just waiting for you guys
to come around and make it happen for him.
You may be right.
You can stand on top of that,
on top of the actual balloon bit.
Whoa!
And act out a scene
while it's moving.
Oh, wow. Look at that, man.
Jesus!
Whoa!
Guys, that is too fabulous.
And Sam will, jump down
to go towards the blimp
and eventually jump onto it,
which will leave, Hora...
yes, Horatio on here.
Jen will be like,
"Come, come, Prince. Come follow."
And we will all jump onto the blimp.
Don't worry.
Lower, lower, lower, Gareth.
If anything, we kinda want to drop
onto it, if you know what I mean.
- That seems good. That seems good.
- OK.
So, you see, when it's like this,
it's almost impossible to fall
into the gap, do you know what I mean?
- Fuck. Fuck, fuck.
- You having fun down there, Sam?
Oh, I just died.
Yeah. BTRaiderz is being
very helpful, as always.
BTRaiderz, great.
Thanks, BTRaiderz.
So, who did you think
BTRaiderz is, then, Sam?
Who do I think BTRaiderz is?
I think...
I don't know who he is.
He's like this mystery man,
who just seems to turn up
whenever we need him.
It's funny 'cause when he first came,
when we first saw him,
you know, you see someone you don't know
and you think, "Oh, no,
this guy's gonna come and just...
"just ruin us and destroy us
and annihilate us."
And immediately he was just...
He was just everything we needed.
He's like this sort of superhero guy,
and he looks like a superhero.
But BTRaiderz is essentially... I think
he's become our de facto stage manager.
That's the amazing and surprising thing
about this world.
We just keep coming across
these people who wanna help us.
BTRaiderz, DontaeIsBetter,
even ParTeb in his own way.
We don't know them. They don't know us.
But they just keep coming back.
That gives me hope that
what we're trying to do is possible.
There it is.
Remind me again,
by the way. If I land here...
Jerry will be out of shot.
Yeah. Wait till it's in position.
Try now.
OK. Are you confident
I'm gonna get on?
Yeah? OK, so I'll say...
I'll say, "Away."
Go on. I'll follow you.
"I'll follow thee."
There we go. Yes.
And then we walk to this end.
That was perfect,
that kind of, like, timing and...
How fucking good did that look?
Fucking hell, guys,
that was amazing!
How amazing did that look?
I couldn't get over
how gorgeous it was.
I'd say it's almost worth
going above the clouds,
because you can go really fast
and really far.
OK, yeah, well, let's go up
and up and up and we'll see.
Let's go. Yeah, this,
this is as high as you can get.
Yeah, this is quite a place to do a scene.
Look at the horizon.
Look at that curve in the earth.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- It's good, isn't it?
How high are we going?
We're still going up.
- This is amazing.
- Are we?
I think we are, aren't we?
- Oh, shit.
- I don't think so.
- Oh, God. No!
- Oh, no.
- I just sort of flipped off.
- Did you fall off, Jerry?
And I'm not using my parachute,
I'm sort of lying in a prone position
as if I'm lying on a bed.
OK. Well, that is amazing.
It's like Shakespeare
on a billion-dollar budget.
You know? Like, everything is possible.
Like, if Elon Musk decided to put
on a version of Shakespeare in LA,
then maybe they could,
they could match this in the real world.
Other than that, there's no way
you could ever be faced
with the random problems
we've been trying to kind of get past.
There we go.
And I think that's been, for me,
one of the most fun aspects of this,
just trying to find new and
unique ways of staging it.
It's... I mean, it's kind of amazing
that it hasn't really been done before
as I'm thinking it's kind of limitless.
Let me just get my phone out.
Hang on, hang on, hang on.
I need to get, like, a nice shot of you.
Sorry. I know you haven't got time.
- Sorry, just bear with me, alright?
- Can we just get on with this?
OK, OK. OK.
Go on. Come on.
So the technical thing...
Yes, so I'm trying to work out
how to stage the play.
You know, in some ways
I'd like to just rehearse it as a play
and work through character stuff and
all that shit.
But...
Also, there's just so much
kind of technical stuff
to work out with this.
But that requires quite a lot
of kind of careful thought and planning.
Then you have to think how do you get
all the actors to the different locations?
How do you get the audience
to the different locations?
Who's gonna do that?
And you want it to be kind of
kind of smooth and easy transitions.
Like this blimp here,
I don't know
how many audience we're gonna have,
but inevitably, someone's gonna fall off.
Well, the thing is,
you can't stop the production
just because somebody dies.
No.
As harsh as that sounds.
Yeah.
You know, you may have a member
of the Royal Shakespeare Company turn up.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
I love it!
- Oh, my God.
- That's hysterical.
Is that right? Are these people,
like, a very, very huge thing?
They're probably
the most renowned Shakespeare--
It's, like, the biggest thing ever.
Yeah.
It's, like,
the biggest thing possible.
That's fantastic.
Given that, and everything else,
we should probably try
and work out what we're doing.
"this is one Lucianus,
"nephew to the king."
"You shall see anon how the murderer
gets the love of Gonzago's wife."
"The king rises."
Oh, wait.
"What! Frighted with false fire?"
"How fares the king?"
"Give o'er the play."
Everybody run, run, run.
We can get out of here
as soon as possible.
- Sam...
- The police can get you.
And it makes everything
suddenly seem a bit...
Have we got time to get...?
Let's all try and get on.
Oh, no!
Oh, shit.
Who's got another plane?
Hello. Pegasus Lifestyle
Management. How can I help you?
Thank you, sir.
Your spectacular aircraft is now
ready for you at our nearest airfield.
Just trying to work out
how I fucking...
use this...
ridiculously large plane.
Hello, Pinny?
Hi.
I'm in this car park
with these complete weirdos.
Whoever will be playing this game
at, like, seven o'clock in the morning
has a serious--
needs their head examined.
Pinny, that... We are.
Am I spending too much time
in this game, do you think?
Yeah, just a little bit, Sam.
You and Mark have become obsessed.
Like, he's not... He was up
at two o'clock last night, rehearsing.
Yeah.
And you have been up
since I don't know what time this morning,
buying planes.
It's like playing this game
has become everything to you.
I mean, what about the kids,
what about me?
Can you just tell these NPCs to fuck off?
It's really annoying, them watching us
when we're having an argument.
What you do is...
that.
Oh, except now the police are here.
Oh, shit.
You missed my birthday.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
Yeah, let the fuckers kill you.
So, you know,
I realised that in order to be able
to spend any time with you at all,
I'm gonna have to go on this game.
- Are you coming back?
- I'm here.
Yeah, I'm very sorry about that.
That was not good.
It was bad timing, that. I'm sorry.
I wanna give you a hug.
Well, you can in real life.
I'm in the same house as you, you know?
- Yeah. Shall we...?
- I'm just upstairs.
Shall we get off this and just...
hang out in real life
and have some breakfast?
"I have of late,
but wherefore I know not,
lost all my mirth,
forgone all custom of exercise.
And indeed,
it goes so heavily with my disposition
that this goodly frame, the earth,
"seems to me a sterile promontory."
"This most excellent canopy,
the air, look you,
this majestical roof fretted
with golden fire.
Why, it appears nothing to me
"but a foul and pestilent congregation
of vapours."
Stupid bitch.
I mean, I agree with you but...
"What a piece of work is a man.
How noble in reason,
how infinite in faculties.
In form and moving
how express and admirable.
In action how like an angel.
In apprehension how like a god.
The beauty of the world,
the paragon of animals.
And yet, to me,
what is this quintessence of dust?
"No, man delights not me."
- This is how I feel about the world.
- You absolute fucking idiot!
You know, I felt that,
as so many people did
at times in their life, you know...
I have of late, but wherefore I know not,
lost all my mirth.
Why am I feeling like this?
And look at this world. Isn't it amazing?
Isn't it fucking beautiful?
And yet also it's kind of disgusting.
And look at humans.
They're incredible. They're extraordinary.
Extraordinary creatures.
And yet, they're just pathetic pieces
of dust as well.
So, that's what this world seems
to be so full of,
those contradictions that
Hamlet expresses
so fluently and yet so humanly
inarticulately as well.
And it's sort of
so beautifully expressed in this world,
that combination
of absolute stunning beauty and
grotesque,
horrible, horrible violence as well.
"Judgement!"
"A hit, a palpable hit."
"Well, again."
"stay. Give me drink.
"Hamlet, the pearl is thine.
Here's to thy health."
OK, so, guys...
Guys, we've never done the whole run.
We've never done a whole run
with everybody.
We haven't done a whole run
with everyone. We've done one...
Yeah, so God knows
what the fuck is gonna happen,
but it'll all be great.
Oh, wow! Look at that.
Right, do you know SmokeyJoe720?
Shall I invite him?
- He's a...
- Yeah.
Apparently he's
a mighty Wu-Tang Clan thug.
I'll invite him.
Invited DontaeIsBetter.
I'm inviting IDucktle now.
I'm inviting KageOniii.
I'm inviting...
ParTebMosMir.
All in-game audience members,
we are still at the moment on course
to kick off on time at 7.45.
Oh, my God, here comes
ParTebMosMir in a massive plane.
Oh, my God.
- He doesn't do things subtly.
- Awesome.
I hope he's dressed as an alien.
He doesn't like doing things subtly!
Nice landing!
21 waiting
to watch the stream, guys.
And it's not even time. Yeah.
Wait, how many people?
- 21 already.
- 21 waiting.
I've definitely played
to less people than that before.
Sam, I think when I saw your show
right before the pandemic,
there were less people.
Oh, yeah, definitely. Definitely.
It was great!
Yeah, definitely.
A little confidence boost
before we go in!
I am so,
so fucking grateful to all of you
for coming on this journey with me.
You are all brilliant,
wonderful, creative,
artistic, clever,
intelligent, talented people,
and I love you all,
and I am just so happy
you're all here with me.
So just enjoy it.
This is the first time
anyone's ever done this.
You know, we are making history,
so let's fucking have fun.
OK, guys, I'm gonna go live.
- Break legs, guys
- You ready?
Cut the chat, everybody.
Break a leg.
- Five, four, three, two, one.
- Break a leg, everybody.
- Let's see what happens.
- Alright, we are go on the stream.
OK. Well, welcome, anyone watching
on our live stream on YouTube and Twitch.
Welcome to Grand Theft Hamlet,
the first ever full performance
of a Shakespeare play
within a video game environment.
We are gonna be performing Hamlet
for you this evening.
We are stepping out
into the brave new world of...
What would you even call this?
Video game theatre, ladies and gentlemen.
I think we are ready to kick off
and we're gonna do so.
If you could all please,
everyone in the audience,
get aboard this speedboat of mine.
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen,
to Grand Theft Hamlet.
Now, I'm just going to take us over
to the yacht we can see in the distance
there, ladies and gentlemen,
the HMS Elsinore.
And I'm going to, very formally
and royally introduce you
to His and Her Majesty,
the King and Queen of Denmark.
I think Horatio's
just fallen into the water.
Fuck!
For this relief much thanks.
'Tis bitter cold and I am sick at heart.
Have you had quiet guard? Say,
what, is Horatio there?
A piece of him?
Welcome Horatio.
The air bites shrewdly.
It is very cold.
It is a nipping
and an eager air.
What hour now?
- I think it lacks of twelve.
- No, no. It is struck.
Indeed? I heard it not.
Then it draws near the season.
Look, my Lord, it comes.
Angels
and ministers of grace defend us.
Be thou a spirit of health
or goblin damned.
Bring with thee airs from heaven
or blasts from hell.
Thou com'st in such a questionable shape
that I will speak to thee.
I'll call thee Hamlet,
king, father, royal Dane.
Oh, answer me.
It beckons you
to go away with it.
As if some impartment
did desire to you alone.
It will not speak.
Then I will follow it.
Do not, my Lord.
Why?
What should be the fear?
What if it tempt you
toward the flood, my Lord?
Or to the dreadful summit of the cliff?
You shall not go, my Lord.
Hold off your hands.
Be ruled. You shall not go.
I say away!
Go on, I'll follow thee.
He waxes desperate
with imagination.
Let's follow.
'Tis not fit thus to obey him.
Something is rotten
in the state of Denmark.
The time is out of joint.
Oh, cursed spite
that ever I was born to set it right.
Nay, come. Let's go together.
Fuck!
Right, ladies and gents,
we're having some technical issues
with the blimp,
which I hope you can appreciate.
Fuck,
I think everyone died.
Apologies, ladies and gentlemen.
That was not supposed to happen,
but that's quite alright.
If everyone could please
make their way over to the casino.
So, if you don't mind coming
down the stairs, ladies and gents,
and just getting into position
anywhere around here.
As you can see, the notorious Hamlet,
the Dane, is over there by the fire pit.
So keep your distance, ladies and gents.
We should be able to hear
what he's saying from here.
And, in fact, the whole of the next scene.
To be or not to be.
That is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind
to suffer the slings and arrows
of outrageous fortune
or to take arms against a sea of troubles
and, by opposing, end them?
Their perfume lost,
take these again,
for, to the noble mind, rich gifts
wax poor when givers prove unkind.
There, my lord.
Ha. Are you honest?
My Lord?
Are you fair?
Forgive me my foul murder.
Bow, stubborn knees!
And heart with strings of steel
be as soft as sinews of a newborn babe.
Now might I do it pat.
Now he is praying. And now I'll do it.
Alas, he's mad.
Do not forget, this visitation is
but to whet thy almost blunted purpose.
But look, amazement on thy mother sits.
O, step between her and her fighting soul.
Speak to her, Hamlet.
How is it with you, Lady?
Up he rose
and donned his clothes
And dupped the chamber door
Let in the maid that out a maid
Never departed more
How long has she been thus?
The King, the King's to blame.
Here, thou incestuous,
murderous, damned Dane.
Follow my mother.
He is justly served. Exchange...
forgiveness with me, noble Hamlet.
Mine and my father's death
come not upon thee,
nor thine on me.
Heaven make thee free of it.
I follow thee.
I am dead, Horatio.
Wretched queen, adieu.
You...
that look pale and tremble at this chance,
that are but mutes
or audience to this act.
Had I but time, as this fell sergeant,
death, is strict in his arrest,
O, I could tell you, but let it be.
O, Horatio...
I... am dead.
Thou livest.
Report me and my cause aright
to the unsatisfied.
If thou didst ever hold me in thy heart,
absent thee from felicity awhile
and, in this harsh world,
draw thy breath in pain
to tell my story.
The rest is silence.
Ladies and gentlemen,
our revels now are ended.
Woo-hoo!
We did it!
Hey, hey! Well done, guys.
We got through it. Woo-hoo!
- Woo!
- Yeah!
You may shoot each other!
No!
Sorry Jen.
OK, in-game audience,
you're welcome to come.
We're gonna have...
We're gonna have a little after party.
Dontae, I think maybe... maybe...
Can we all go to your nightclub?
The option will come up
to pay to get in,
but, we might be overcrowding it.
- Dontae's just made it free.
- Oh, it's free.
Nice!
Tough shit if you've already paid.
Yeah, I just paid $100, Dontae.
Thanks, but anyway...
You know what? You deserve it.
I'm happy to pay to come into your club.
If everyone's got a pen and paper,
or maybe just, like, their phone open,
I've got some notes.
Fuck you!
- Alright.
- I don't know how to stop dancing.
- Good choice!
- Yeah.
It's not letting me stop.
I'm gonna get a drink.
I think this bar's a bit quieter.
- A bottle or two?
- That didn't take long, Dipo.
- That was so funny at the start.
- It was hysterical.
Well, we're emptying out
the dance floor now, Sam and Mark.
Just you guys left.
- I'm exhausted.
- I'm exhausted as well. We should--
So, I dunno, was it, like,
the adrenaline or the stress?
I'm, I'm lying on the floor in real life.
You know, generally speaking,
I thought that went fine.
Obviously, the blimp blew up
and the plane crashed, but we got...
We got around both of them.
We just had
a couple of minutes of resetting.
Oh, we're all out now.
Oh, man.
Well, that was...
That was a thing.
Yeah.
Just gonna have a cigarette.
Are you having one
in real life as well?
Well done, guys.
Yeah, well done, guys. Well done.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, what now?
What now?
It was amazing.
Well, look, man,
and you know...
I mean, I'm often popping up
your neck of the woods, actually.
Whatever, just let me know.
Logging out.
There he goes.
For their fully staged
production of Hamlet
in the open world of the video gameGrand Theft Auto,
our winner is Sam Crane!
We got it, we won!
Whee!
It's like dodgems.
- They handle like dodgems.
- Yeah.
You think I can get away from the police
in a golf buggy?
No.
- I could try. Whoa!
- Whoa!
You caught some wicked air there.
God, I wish I was actually on a beach,
and I was able to just stroll
into the sea and cool off.
This is making me quite, quite envious.
This is the equivalent
of, like, being really hungry
and watching a cooking show
or something.
Let's try and see
if we can win some money, shall we?
- What took you so long to call?
- Alright.
Should I play "Impotent Rage"?
Seems somehow appropriate.
Bet. What do I do?
Fuck it. Bet max. Come on.
Now what do I do? Spin. Come on.
Win, win, win.
Hey, I fucking won.
Look at that.
I won. I'm gonna go again.
Spin.
I can't stand
being disrespected like this.
How're you doing?
Are you winning money?
No.
Alright, I'd better go as well,
actually, because...
Yes, I need to actually accept
that I have children
and look after them.
My luck is gonna change now.
Go on, seven, seven...
Oh, fuck's sake!
This is just...
too much like fucking life.
Fuck's sake.
I don't want to die!
Fuck! Jesus!
Yeah, whatever.
Bit of mindless violence.
Anything that sort
of takes you away from the...
What I could cheerfully call
the crushing inevitability
of your pointless life.
It's fine. Yeah.
Oh, shit.
Shit, shit, shit.
- Did they see us?
- It's alright. Go hide in here.
Yes!
Maybe we should get out the car.
It's flashing.
Yeah, just run up these hills.
- OK.
- Hold on.
- OK.
- Go somewhere sort of...
I find if you go somewhere
kind of rural, they...
Well, they won't drive up here, will they?
- They're looking for us. But....
- Oh, what's that over there?
- Over where? What's what?
- Oh, I've got more...
- It's like some kind of...
- Right, I'm clear.
Ooh, look at this.
Look at what?
Look.
It's like...
- a massive kind of arena.
- Oh!
My God, this is so cool.
I wonder if you could actually
stage something here.
- What, like, put on a play?
- Yeah.
Man, that looks so cool.
Alright, do, do something.
Do a...
- Do a what?
- Like a...
- A soliloquy or...?
- Yeah, a bit of Shakespeare.
"Life's a walking shadow,
a poor player
that struts and frets his hour
upon the stage
and then is heard no more.
It is a tale told by an idiot...
full of sound and fury,
"signifying nothing."
There you go.
What is that one?
Crowd invitation.
OK. Oh, that's,
that is very appropriate, yeah.
Well...
you can't catch COVID in GTA,
I'll put it that way.
Exactly.
And anyway, it's an outdoor theater.
This is perfect.
Yeah.
It'd be difficult, mostly
because of the sort of generalized...
Generally, you know,
people are violent in the game.
- They blow stuff up and shoot people
- Yeah, but...
because it's fun
and they can't do it in real life.
People are violent...
in Shakespeare. It's fucking brutal.
Yes.
Everyone...
Like, in Hamlet, everyone dies.
Titus Andronicus, I mean.
Yeah.
It's perfect. Come on.
Oh, someone's here. Look. Hi.
Oh, look, someone's turned up.
Is that you? Hi.
Someone's here, Mark.
- Are you gonna come and watch our play?
- Have we?
- Oh, yeah, yeah. He is.
- Yeah, yeah.
You can...
I mean, you could watch from there.
It's a bit unorthodox. Or you...
I recommend... yeah, that's it.
Thank you for coming
to see our performance.
It's nice to have an audience
even if it's just one.
Right. OK. Oh, look,
we got another audience member here.
This is Hamlet.
William Shakespeare's Hamlet.
I believe this is the first time
it's ever been performed
at the Vinewood Bowl.
If I could just request that
you refrain from killing each other.
And don't kill the actors either.
Yes. Start. Start, Mark.
You start.
"Who's there?"
"Nay, answer me.
Stand and unfold yourself."
"Long live the king."
"Bernardo?"
"He."
"You come most carefully
upon your hour."
"'Tis now struck twelve."
"Get thee to bed, Francisco."
"For this relief much thanks.
'Tis bitter cold, and I am sick at heart."
"Have you had quiet guard?"
"Not a mouse stirring."
"Well, good night.
If you do meet Horatio and Marcellus,
the rivals of my watch,
"bid them make haste."
"I think I hear them.
"Stand ho. Who's there?"
"Friends to this ground," I think.
I don't think so.
"And liegemen to the Dane."
Shit, that's the fucking police.
"Oh, farewell, honest soldier.
Who hast relieved you?"
"Bernardo has my place.
Give you good night."
"Holla, Bernardo."
Oh, shit.
- "Say what, is Horatio there?"
- Fuck!
Alright. We did pretty well
to get as far as we did there.
The fucking cops turned
up in a helicopter!
What does a filmmaker
in GTA look like?
Well, you can choose.
Do I choose one
that looks like my mother?
If you like.
- So, I wouldn't go too...
- No.
Oh, my God! I mean, I...
I would like to look
slightly like Tilda Swinton, to be honest.
That's quite cool.
You know what?
I am so sick of Hackney.
This is gonna be a great escape.
It's like going on holiday, isn't it?
Without going on holiday.
Oh, my God, who's he?
I'm gonna mess you up.
Fuck!
- This is a joke!
- Are you alright?
Yeah, someone just tried
to steal my car, so I just kinda killed--
It's not your car, to be fair.
- I'm a grown, big-ass woman.
- I wanna meet you in the session,
and then you can come to my apartment.
- Ooh, OK. What happens there?
- Yeah. Oh, anything.
Oh, my God.
It's like going out with you again.
Like we're just starting a relationship.
I'm just like, you know,
we just started dating
and you're taking me to your place.
It's quite exciting.
Can you make me a drink?
If you just come up here.
How do I slap your arse?
You're really...
- I don't think you can do that.
- Yeah, I quite fancy you, actually.
It's quite romantic up here.
Don't you think?
- It is. It's really romantic.
- You think?
Sam...
Are you... Are you OK?
Yeah, I'm...
Well, I mean, not really.
No, it's...
It's shit. Everything's shit.
I have nothing now.
What about that coding course
you're doing, though?
Yeah, it's like
that government advert they put out
with that picture of a ballet dancer,
and it says,
"Fatima is now retraining in tech."
And I just see that
and it just is a knife through my heart,
because that's me, I am Fatima,
and my dreams, and Fatima's dreams,
have been ripped away from them.
I know.
You're both fucked.
Are you interviewing both of us together
at the same time here?
I am. Yeah.
Do you think that
doing a production of Hamlet
inside GTA is achievable?
Short answer is no.
I think...
No! I think it's a terrible idea,
but I definitely think
we should try and do it.
The first sort of obstacle we found
is that we can't do it just the two of us.
No. We can do a certain bit,
which we've done.
But if we're gonna try
and push it further, and--
- We need more people.
- We need more people.
You can't do a full production
of Hamlet with two actors.
It might be quite interesting
to approach just random people
who normally play this game
to drive around and commit crimes
and do sort of violent things
and see if they'd be interested in that.
Watch it! There's a dude.
There's someone coming up to us here.
Where? Oh, hi.
He might want to be in our show.
So, listen.
We're gonna try
and do a play, a production.
A Shakespeare production.
Hey, hey. No! Oh!
He came to pulverize us.
...of actors performing
in a Shakespeare play.
In GTA.
You crazy, no?
Yes. Yes, a little.
A little crazy, yes. A little.
You kill me.
- No, you killed me, Co3lho.
- Yeah.
- I feel we're getting somewhere.
- It's too prone to violence.
I think we're getting somewhere.
No, we're not.
OK. This is much, much harder
than I thought it was gonna be.
Is this insane?
It's madness.
I tell you what, should we go and
chill out in my apartment or something?
Yeah, that's an idea.
I'd better go in.
I might have a quick...
Oh, my God.
I've got a friend request from Co3lho.
- Co3lho?
- No way.
Why don't you invite him to the apartment?
Enter! Enter!
- He's not gonna kill us, is he?
- No, no, no.
Yes, enter!
No. No porno, no porno.
No porno, no.
We are making a documentary
about me trying to set up
a Shakespeare production.
Mark is gonna do
a little bit of Shakespeare
just to show you the kind of thing
we're gonna be doing.
Co3lho, look at me.
"Tomorrow and tomorrow
and tomorrow
creeps in this petty pace
from day to day.
And all our yesterdays have
lighted fools their way to dusty death.
Out, out, brief candle.
Life is a walking shadow.
A poor player that struts
and frets his hour upon the stage
and then is heard no more.
It is a tale told by an idiot
full of sound and fury
"signifying nothing."
Is he gone?
- Yeah, he's gone.
- OK.
He's left.
Do you think... Is this something
that we need to work on, guys?
Our delivery?
I don't know.
I mean, I didn't really...
I have to say, Mark, I...
I thought that was really beautiful.
I thought that was
absolutely gorgeous, actually.
I didn't stick to the iambic
pentameter. Maybe he didn't like that.
Yeah, fuck that. No...
Yeah, maybe he's a purist.
Is anyone actually...
gonna learn a Shakespeare speech...
and come and audition for us? I mean,
seeing what people are like in here,
do we think...
Is that really gonna happen?
Well, there's probably
a Venn diagram of,
you know, people who play GTA
and people who like Shakespeare,
and the crossover is very small.
It'd be nice
if they weren't two posh blokes.
Yeah.
Two white, 40-something blokes.
Maybe we could actually make
a sort of recruitment video
on the beach, like, over here.
It's, like, a nice spot.
Yeah!
And we can actually,
yeah, we can film something.
- You know, we've got our filmmaker here.
- Yeah.
We could have a video,
we can post it online,
and then people can see it
and respond to it.
Yeah, let's do it.
- OK. Set up the shot.
- OK.
- OK.
- Hang on. OK. Let's...
Yeah. Let's set up the shot.
OK, are we happy, does it look good?
We happy?
- Yes, yes.
- Go! Go, let's do it now.
Yes? OK. OK.
Oh, shit. Are they after you?
Are you killing them, Mark?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll hold them off. I'll hold them off.
- OK.
- OK.
We are putting on a production
of Hamlet for the first time ever.
It's gonna be put on here
in Next-Gen GTA Online, in Los Santos.
And we are looking for actors.
So, if you've always wanted your chance
to strut your Shakespearean shit
on a virtual stage,
come and audition.
Details below.
Fuck, we've got the police
trying to stop us.
You can't stop art, motherfuckers.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, shit. They got me.
Me, too.
Fuck.
Oh, my God.
They're really coming down now. Look.
Rappel SWAT team.
- OK.
- OK.
Whoa.
It does look good
from up here, doesn't it?
This looks fucking awesome.
I mean...
So, I've parked the car
down there already, as you can see.
Oh, nice.
- Yeah--
- My car! My car!
- Well, yeah.
- Just to say.
- You changed it so I could drive it.
- Yeah, I know.
But I just want everyone to know
that the nice car is actually mine.
Alright.
Yanno, I don't get to--
In real life, I have a Prius.
Alright.
Well, let's see who else is here.
There's someone in the session
called FKen776.
Yeah. And who else is there?
DJPhil89.
We've got some
audience members, guys.
- We've got some audience members.
- Oh, they're just NPCs.
Don't worry about them.
Well, this is the only two--
Oh, my God! FKen776 left.
- Wow!
- Oh, shit!
- FKen didn't like the sound of that.
- OK.
So, I think that's a, that's a no.
Right.
This isn't going very well.
Can you just give me...
Can you give me one second?
I'm really desperate for a wee. Sorry.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- No worries.
- OK, I'll be back.
How have you been, then,
Mark?
Have you been doing sad things?
Yeah, I had to go to
Holland for a funeral.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Yeah, it's alright.
It's my dad's sister.
- So, you know, it's a bit...
- Yeah.
They're a bit tricky, these things,
nowadays, really.
She was my last living blood relative.
Really?
- Yeah.
- Wow.
Yeah. So...
Yeah, it's just me left, you know.
Oh, Mark.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Yeah. It's alright.
Play your violins and all that.
But I think it's why I think I found,
you know, pandemic, the lockdown,
and everything a little bit hard.
I think a lot of people kind of shrunk
into their sort of family bubbles.
And I didn't really have one.
And I don't have a partner,
I don't have kids, and you know...
I've always played games quite a lot, but
I kind of got into them more in lockdown,
because it's something
you can either do on your own,
or, as we're doing,
you can connect to people online,
even if your kind of, yanno, social
schedules don't necessarily match up,
that kind of thing.
Anyone coming?
- Anyone?
- Doesn't look like it.
There were only two other people,
one's left,
and the other one, DJPhil,
is, so far, unresponsive.
- Oh, hang on. Is that DJPhil?
- Oh, my God.
Oh, OK. DJPhil? Hello. Is that you?
OK. They're not talking.
That could be a problem
if they're gonna...
They may not have a mic.
Alright. They're coming this way.
OK. DJPhil, don't shoot us, please.
Don't shoot us.
Yeah.
- Please don't shoot us.
- We're in peace.
- Wow, OK. They're pretty violent.
- OK, shit.
DJPhil, I'm quite scared of DJ--
OK, DJPhil,
please don't do that to us.
- OK, OK, OK.
- Oh, hi.
- OK.
- Hello. Hi!
Hi, DJPhil, that person you hit
has come to hit you back.
Oh, oh. OK, DJ--
- No, no, no, DJ, I'm gonna get this...
- Alright.
Let's kill this guy,
'cause he's gonna get DJPhil.
- OK.
- Right.
Do we have to kill him
or can we just sort of...
- I think so.
- Oh, wow.
- Sorry, but...
- Sam, you just,
you just knocked that guy out by kicking--
- Wah, that's me! Alright.
- Sorry. I know.
I'm sorry, but I just--
I think you just killed this guy
by stamping on the back of his leg.
How did you do that?
I was just very excited to have
someone come who might want to--
DJPhil, did you hear the shout-out?
So, did you maybe see the video
that Sam made and put out?
- I did, so...
- He put out a recruitment video.
- OK. There you go.
- Yeah, absolutely.
I'm just gonna try and get
a little bit of control going over here.
- Oh, OK.
- That's good.
Have you not played GTA
very much?
Not very much. Not very much.
- OK.
- No.
I'm a literary agent
and a mum, and I love Hamlet,
and it seems like my only opportunity
to actually audition
for Hamlet at the moment
is to jump onto my nephew's GTA.
- Oh, wow.
- OK.
Shit, someone's actually
responded, Mark.
OK. Right. Hi, DJPhil.
Trying to get
a good view of you guys.
"What I have done that might your nature,
honor, and exception roughly awake,
I here proclaim was madness.
Was it Hamlet wronged Laertes?
Never Hamlet.
If Hamlet from himself be ta'en away
and when he's not himself
does wrong Laertes,
then Hamlet does it not.
I embrace it freely and will
this brother's wager frankly play.
"Give us the foils. Come on."
"Come,
"one for me."
Alright, alright, alright.
Boom, boom!
Oh, shit. You got me.
DJPhil shot-gunned me.
It's interesting
how funny people find it
when they shoot each other in this game.
Oh! Come on quick,
let's get Claudius.
She was amazing, right?
I think she'd be like a really good--
- If we're gonna cross gender...
- Yeah, definitely.
I mean, could be a really good Laertes,
actually, I think.
- Yep.
- Let's get her--
Let's jump out at her,
let's surprise her,
and just say, "Listen, hey,
we wanna cast you."
Hey, hey, hey! Look who it is!
DJPhil
or Nemonie, how's it going?
No, it's not Nemonie.
What?
No, that's my aunt.
- Your aunt?
- Yes.
What have you done with your aunt?
Well... I'm working away
and she's returning to London.
So, she won't be able to...
like, use your account again in future?
Bit of a shame.
Shit.
So, sort of roughly, do you know
how many people we're expecting?
I think you said some random
from Instagram? Or not?
Well, yes, I did say that.
But...
- But...
- Here we are, here's Mark.
- So, we are waiting...
- One other person, right?
Yeah, for Nora,
who is a GTA role player.
She looks quite sort of glamorous.
- Here you are.
- Hey!
Hey!
Welcome. Welcome to this crazy thing
that we're doing, by the way.
Like, I'm a retail person, so, like...
I work in retail,
so it's really nothing fancy,
I actually hate it.
And acting is something
that I've really wanted to do.
I did actually do Hamlet in Year 9.
Oh, really?
OK.
"Blasted with ecstasy.
O, woe is me
T'have seen what I have seen,
"see what I see!"
- That was so good!
- Can I just say, like...
for someone who just literally
read that, having not...
You speak it really, really beautifully.
Thank you.
- Yeah!
- Yeah.
Hi.
Whoa! That's...
That's quite an entrance.
Righty-ho!
Hi, Nemo, how's it going?
Hi.
Hi.
That's quite a swag
you've got going there.
Thank you. It's a...
modern take on Mercutio.
OK, cool, I like it.
You can call me Shah.
I haven't ever auditioned for a play.
I've never done Shakespeare in my life.
So, I'm Tilly.
I'm originally from Cumbria.
Evening, all. I'm Sam.
But my...
my primary gig these days
is full-time house dad.
So, my name's Gareth.
My online handle is Turkomas.
I am a life-long gamer,
nerd and Shakespeare fan.
Online you have no idea what I look like,
but I have a face
for radio and a voice for mime.
So, I was never going to play
the romantic lead.
Well, I'm a historic cook.
I was originally
an apprentice Tudor roaster.
And I roasted beef on the fire
in Hampton Court Palace
in the Great Kitchen for a few years.
So why don't I introduce myself?
Sure. I am Jen.
I'm best known as Pharah in Overwatch,
if you're another gamer.
- Oh, my God!
- No way!
- Yeah. So that--
- No way!
Oh, my God. You have killed me with
your rockets from the sky so many times.
"I am thy father's spirit
doomed for a certain term
to walk the night,
and for the day,
confined to fast in fires.
Fare thee well at once.
The glowworm shows the matin
to be near
and 'gins to pale
his uneffectual fire.
Adieu.
Adieu. Adieu.
"Remember me."
- Oh, my God! Amazing!
- Nice!
Wow!
- Commit suicide at the end?
- Whoo!
And there is a random person
in the session who's,
going to come and join us too,
and we'll see how that goes.
I think this might be him over here.
He's dressed like an alien.
- ParTebMosMir.
- Alright, OK.
- There he is! Whoo-hoo.
- Oh, great.
- He's got a flash ride.
- Fucking hell! Look at this dude.
- Hey, man!
- Wow.
- Is he gonna...?
- I love his outfit.
- Should we make friends with him?
- It's so cool.
We're putting on
a production of Hamlet
and we're doing some auditions today.
So you're welcome to audition if you want.
- Or you could just watch.
- Yes.
- Do you want to audition?
- Whoo-hoo!
- Do you wanna audition?
- With my ass, baby!
Yeah, audition with your ass! OK.
Do you know... Do you...? Do you know
any Shakespeare speeches?
- What you gonna do?
- Yes.
- Picking my fucking nose and doing drugs!
- OK.
Like this. Then you hit me.
Hit me now. Let's go.
You fucking... You broke my teeth.
Now I need to go buy gold one.
OK. ParTeb.
ParTeb, would you like
to do your Shakespeare speech?
I didn't find any.
I don't understand how I find that.
Listen, I tell you what,
while you Google one,
Lizzie, do you want to have a go?
Thank you
for your patience, Lizzie.
That's alright. All good.
Lizzie, can you tell us
a bit about yourself, please?
Or Woffdawg,
however you want to be called.
Hello. Yeah. I am, I am Lizzie
aka Woffdawg in game.
And I am an actor and a voice artist.
And I live in London...
London, wow!
Shh, shh, shh!
- Go for it.
- Alright.
"Our course will seem too bloody,
Caius Cassius,
to cut the head off
and then hack the limbs,
it's like wrath in death
and envy afterwards,
and Anthony is but a limb of Caesar.
Let's kill him boldly,
but not wrathfully.
Caius, we all stand
against the spirit of Caesar,
and in the spirit of men,
there is no blood.
O, that we can then come by
Caesar's spirit and not dismember Caesar,
but, alas,
"Caesar must bleed for it."
That was nice.
That was great. That was brilliant.
That's so cool. That looked fucking cool.
Looked good, right?
Yeah, you caught me,
you caught me, actually...
Concentrate. You know I have ADHD
so I don't concentrate,
but you actually caught me
concentrating on you.
- Wow. That is...
- I have ADHD, too. Yes, friend!
Really?
That's really good.
That's good feedback.
- That's amazing feedback.
- That's great feedback.
Whenever you're ready, ParTeb.
Just because we never know when someone's
gonna come and throw a rock at us.
So I'd say go.
You can do anything.
It's hard.
My English is not so, no, no.
Can I just say, ParTeb?
Your English is amazing.
Can I ask where you're from, ParTeb?
- Your English is perfect.
- Can I ask where you're from?
So, originally from Tunisia.
I am Arabic, but half from Finland.
Half from Finland,
and half from Tunisia?
- Oh, OK.
- Cool.
Can you just say...
Just while you're
doing your dance, just try saying like,
"To be or not to be.
That is the question."
Okay... That's good.
OK.
I have my own speech, if it's OK.
I can say...
Recite Qur'an.
Recite some of Qur'an?
Well, we would love
to hear that if you,
if you have a section of it memorized,
and you have an emote for it or something.
"I seek refuge in
Allah from the outcast Satan
In the name of Allah,
the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Thee do we worship, and Thine aid we seek
Guide us in the straight path
The way of those on whom
Thou hast bestowed Thy Grace
"Those whose portion is not wrath,
and who go not astray"
Amen.
Adis, amigos. Yeah.
- Oh, that was beautiful.
- That was beautiful.
Thank you, ParTeb.
Thank you very much.
Yes, I'm Dipo, Dollah101.
I heard about this through Mark
'cause I play football with him,
every Monday.
Yeah, whenever you're ready,
in your own time, go for it.
"No, Iago, I'll see before I doubt;
when I doubt, prove.
And on the proof,
there is no more but this.
Away at once with love
"or jealousy."
Whoo! Whoo!
Love it!
OK, I think this, calls for champagne, right?
I think so.
Geez. I mean that, that went...
that went like way better than I thought,
I'll be brutally honest.
Like the standard was so high.
That was ridiculous.
Dipo was unreal. Yeah. Yeah.
I think I kind of think he's gotta,
he's gotta play Hamlet.
What I really like
about Dipo is that
he has such great control over his voice
Yeah.
So he's like, he speaks sort of
softly, but there's a sort of power to it.
He was just so kind of centered
and you just... It drew us in.
I mean, people fucking turned up, Mark.
I know. Like, what the hell?
Yes. I mean, I cannot believe it.
Like, and they were so fucking good.
That just... OK.
We're getting going.
- Sometimes it takes a while.
- Yep.
Pinny, don't reveal the secrets
of our boudoir, please.
Whay! Whoo!
I want to see what you think
of if we came in here,
what this would be like
- as an entrance.
- Good to see you, boss.
Oh, shit.
You've got Elsinore up there.
Yeah.
How did you do that?
'Cause you can change
the name of your organization.
Oh! That... Dude, that is amazing.
- That's fucking cool.
- What's cooking?
I mean, it cost me $250,000.
You know, I think it's worth it.
Hey, man!
OK, so, guys, yeah.
This is my office.
Help yourself to a drink.
There's wine over here if you like.
Is someone trying to blow up our office?
I've chosen
to do shit-faced Shakespeare.
OK.
My God, Dipo, go easy! OK...
Can I just ask who Haklin90 is?
Are they joining us for the rehearsal?
- OK.
- The person in the red shorts.
Oh, my God, everyone's just
coming here getting drunk.
Oh, Dipo! You need to sober up, man!
Dipo's absolutely wasted!
Supposed
to be performing in Hamlet.
Oh, my God. OK.
Can I be the Harry Potter?
Harry Potter? OK.
It's not...
Harry Potter is not in helmet... Hamlet?
No,
Harry Potter's not in Hamlet, no.
Not in this version.
Would you like to come and watch
a production of Hamlet?
I don't have time now, actually.
Fair enough.
Alright. Fair enough.
Shall we just get on with it, OK?
I mean, this is not just a big piss up
and, you know... Shall we have a go?
- Let's just...
- Shall we have a stumble through?
Does everyone have a copy
of the edited script?
I'm really excited actually.
Like everyone involved in this
is just really, really fucking talented,
and I'm so pleased
that we've got you involved.
And on a general safeguarding issue,
I know it's a little bit weird
to be doing Hamlet in GTA.
We want all the rehearsal spaces
to be a safe, comfortable environment.
Yeah. Like when you're getting shot
or something like that, you know.
"It is a nipping and an eager air."
"What hour now?"
"I think it lacks of 12."
"Mark me."
"I will."
"My hour is almost come,
"when I, to sulphurous and
tormenting flames, must render up myself."
"...my memory I'll wipe away all
trivial fond records, all saws of books,
all forms, all pressures past, that youth
"and observation copied there..."
Oh, FredDog. No, no, no!
Don't kill him. He's Hamlet.
Yo! Oh...
- FredDog!
- Oh, no.
Fucking... Oh, man.
- FredDog, you absolute swine!
- Oh, you dick!
And this is the stuff
we need to discover as we go along,
and we will discover,
in the rehearsal process,
moments that are dangerous
where, shit, that could be interrupted,
you know, someone could fuck us up there,
things like that.
Dipo, sorry to be interrupted.
"That this too too solid flesh would melt,
thaw and resolve itself into a dew!
Or that the Everlasting had not fix'd
his canon 'gainst self-slaughter!
O God! God!
"How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable,
seem to me all the uses of this world!"
Yeah. It's good.
Your instincts are good, Dipo.
Whenever there's a new thought,
that's a good place
to put a move or an emote
or something to kind of emphasize it.
Actually focusing on the technical
right now is a lot more useful.
- OK, cool.
- Sure.
It's so hard to...
to just do, just to find any sort of flow.
There we go.
"I have of late
wherefore I know not..."
Oh, sorry. That is fucking great!
But if you don't kill yourself.
What do you want from them?
You just want them to come?
We need to get the big boys along.
Dear National Theatre...
Oh, hi. Yeah.
Can I speak to the head of digital.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it's Sam Crane.
Sam Crane.
Yeah. No, no, no. He said he was gonna
get back to me and he hasn't. So...
Good car. Very impressive.
I think maybe we could do
the beginning of the play.
Down here, as you come down here,
we get down to the metro station.
Oh. Like in the subway?
And like all that stuff,
like, "Who's there?"
And it could be like a fucking
metro train coming, you know...
I guess
there's a certain atmosphere.
Oh, OK. Thanks. Goodbye.
A crowded train is not an
excuse for inappropriate...
This is a bit like Canada Water.
Yeah, I think
the whole kind of like...
Oh, whoa!
Here comes Dipo.
I've actually never even
been here before. It's really, really...
- It's so cool. It's really, really nice.
- Nor have I.
While everybody's here...
And you know what, let me just say
you know, your quality you have
as Hamlet, it's really special.
Cool. Thanks, guys.
I appreciate that. I appreciate that.
But what I wanted to come and just...
I guess I just talk
to you guys about is...
really enjoying
what we've been doing so far,
and it's been really, really fun
to explore Hamlet in this way.
In my actual life
as an actual human being,
I've actually managed
to get myself a job recently.
I think, I'm just getting the schedules
through and everything,
I just don't think
I'll be able to do Hamlet
as well as do that production as well.
Just don't think
I'll be able to give you the time
that you need to play Hamlet in this,
production.
- Thoughts? Queries? Questions?
- Right...
Right. OK. Well, that does throw
a spanner in the works slightly,
but we can work around that.
But just to be clear, though, so you won't
have the time to play Hamlet,
but we can still use you
in like a smaller part?
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Like if there's smaller parts that are
manageable that you guys have available.
Well, thank you
for letting us know. Totally understand.
Congratulations on your real job.
My real life!
Yeah.
We totally, we totally understand.
Like I said, you know, if...
if anyone wanted to hire us,
we'd do the same, but, yeah...
That was great.
I'm really, really happy for you, man.
That's... it's really cool.
Oh, thank you. Oh, my God.
Is that... Sorry, complete sidetrack.
- Is that an actual train?
- Yeah. Yeah...
Is it like so much of a dick move
if I just go and get on this train?
Because... where does it even take you?
Is it like...? OK.
We're not even sure,
but you know what?
Actually, that's a good point,
because like...
if you're not gonna be playing Hamlet,
there's not much point in rehearsing you.
We need to rethink things through.
Yeah. Thanks for the, for the bullet as you go, but...
No seriously, man.
Thanks for, thanks for letting us know.
Yeah. Catch you later. Geez!
That thing doesn't wait around.
Well, fuck.
- OK.
- Yeah, well...
Oh, fuck.
It's a bit annoying actually,
because, like...
like no one really seems to have
the availability we need now.
Dipo was great, he was also one of the few
people who was around...
for the whole period.
You know, everyone else has got
other things going on as well.
The pandemic is kind
of coming to a close. Let's hope.
And people are getting
real jobs?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Yeah. Well,
some people are getting real jobs. Yeah.
Whereas we're stuck doing, this...
What is it? Fake job, nonsense job?
Whatever this is.
Yeah.
This is giving us a clue,
this is giving us a sign, you know,
Dipo's got a real job, like a proper job.
Yeah. Giving us a clue,
giving us a sign of what?
That this is all...
This is not a thing, Mark.
This is not a thing. This is not...
This is just...
a silly idea. And...
It's evidently not gonna work.
...which can delay travel.
Dipo's got a real job.
I wanna get a real job.
No one's getting back to me.
None of the theaters have got back to me.
No one's gonna come.
It's not a real thing.
Like, it's real to me!
Look, Sam,
you've got a wife, you've got kids,
you've got other shit going on.
I don't, I don't have any of those things.
I've been sitting at home on my own
in lockdown with nothing to do.
I'm sorry, man.
And you know one of the few things
that I've been able to do,
that I can occupy my mind with, that's
been able to distract me has been this.
It's not real for you, and
you're feeling shit, and I get it, man,
because it's a bit annoying
Dipo can't do this, but we'll work it out.
At least I've been able to, yanno,
devote some of my time to this project.
Otherwise what the hell else
would I be doing?
Sitting around feeling sorry for myself?
I get it. It's disappointing.
You just do the best you can
with what you got, man.
Alright. I'm sorry, man.
I'm s-- I've, yeah...
We've got four weeks.
Everybody's made their availability
or lack of availability very clear.
I think the problem with Hamlet is
basically whoever's gonna play Hamlet
needs to be available for every rehearsal.
Yeah.
And nobody is available
for every rehearsal except you and me.
OK.
And I think I sound,
I don't sound right to play Hamlet.
And I think you do.
So I think you're the only person who can.
It's just a purely practical matter.
We're out of time.
Screw you!
How's it goin'?
I've been seeing some
strange images on the infrared telescope
the last few nights.
Of course, they don't want you
to know about the new missile launchers.
on the Vatican's latest gyrocopter.
I know what's really going on.
Hi...
I don't know.
I just... I don't think I can do it.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
"To be or not to be,
that is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind
"to suffer the slings and arrows
of outrageous fortune..."
Who's this?
Oh they're in passive mode.
Show me the video... One second.
- Did you hear my speech?
- Yeah, it's really good.
- No, I'm asking these people in the game.
- Oh, right.
- He doesn't care!
- They don't care. No one cares.
No one cares.
Like we don't hear from the agent.
We don't hear from...
Here's someone.
Did you hear my speech?
Please don't shoot me.
Don't shoot me, don't shoot me.
Don't shoot me. I'm, I'm in peace.
Please don't shoot me.
OK. I'm gonna do my speech again to you.
Is that alright?
"To be or not to be, that is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind
to suffer the slings and arrows
of outrageous fortune,
or to take arms against a sea of troubles
and by opposing end them?
"To die..."
He erased me.
Maybe he didn't like it.
You are bitch.
I'm not.
Just, OK, please don't kill me again.
- You are bitch!
- You know it's from Hamlet.
I don't know... Did you like it or not?
Fuck, I think this is
the toughest audition you've ever had.
"Whether 'tis nobler in the mind
to suffer the slings and arrows
of outrageous fortune,
"or to take arms
against a sea of trouble?"
"And by opposing, end them?"
There he is.
I think, Mark,
we need to find somewhere, just, I dunno,
like really cool to do the speech,
just, you know, a brilliant setting.
- I've got some ideas.
- Of course you do.
It's a very well-known speech,
isn't it?
So we probably want somewhere
to mark that, mark the importance of it.
- Pretty epic.
- This is good. Yeah.
This feels good.
This feels quite grand, yeah.
OK. Shall I give it a go here?
You ready?
"To be or not to be, that is the
question."
Shall we try somewhere else?
I'm thinking bright neons,
maybe, like, Baz Luhrmann.
Well, I think,
yanno, costumes...
It's important, isn't it? It's...
Let me try it. OK.
"To be or not to be,
that is the question."
Let me know if I can improve
your shopping experience for you.
Oh, for fuck's sake!
Yeah...
I like the shorts.
Yeah. I just feel
we're getting a bit caught up in...
I'm feeling that, yeah, I, I, I'm sort
of losing touch with what this is about...
"Whether 'tis nobler in the mind
to suffer the slings and arrows..."
Hello.
I like this guy's, get up.
Maybe this guy might have
something to say to us about it.
We could ask him.
We were talking about life and death.
We were wondering if you had
any opinions to share with us?
So, I mean guys, I wanna be
honest with you, I just woke off hospital.
Nothing to be worried about.
I just broke a leg working and...
- You broke your leg? Shit!
- Yeah.
Yeah, I'm a delivery driver
and I broke my leg, yeah.
Is it gonna be OK?
- You know the Shakespeare play Hamlet?
- Yes.
And so Hamlet,
he talks about, "To be or not to be".
So we're just trying to think about that,
what that really means.
I do hope there is something
else, afterwards, really, like...
I mean, guys,
I wanna be honest with you, I don't think
I'm in the right place to actually...
be replying to this right now.
- OK, fair enough.
- Yeah.
It's a big question, isn't it?
To be or not to be,
to exist or not to exist.
If your life's terrible and unhappy
and there's no joy or love in it...
is it better, braver,
to soldier on and to...
stick around like a schmuck...
while you just get kicked in the balls
repeatedly over and over again,
and nothing ever goes right for you?
Or actually, is the brave thing to do,
the smart thing to do even,
the sensible thing to do,
just to end it all, because
at least then you have
a shred of your dignity intact.
Suicide's more of a male thing
than a female thing, much more so,
and most people,
at some point, think those thoughts.
Sooner or later.
There it is.
Where America vegetates.
The recycled,
organic-fiber-wearing,
fully biodegradable,
100% sustainable, liberal superhero.
Yeah.
There's a sort of dive bar here.
You coming?
Coming.
- There's a pet snake here.
- I'm gonna seriously fuck you up!
Python, I think.
Whoa. Someone's hitting you.
- Idiot!
- Oh, no.
Oh, what the hell? Bar brawl!
I want to play with the python.
Don't kill me, man!
No, please!
- Oh, wow.
- It's a rock python.
Stop!
- Jesus Christ.
- Yeah, it's huge.
Look how fat it is.
"To be or not to be,
that is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind
to suffer the slings and arrows
of outrageous fortune,
"or to take arms
against a sea of troubles."
"And by opposing, end them?"
The cops are here.
"To die,
to sleep, no more.
And by a sleep,
to say we end the heartache
and the thousand natural shocks
that flesh is heir to.
To the consummation
devoutly to be wished, to die, to sleep.
"To sleep. Perchance to dream.
Aye, there's the rub."
I need money for the bus.
Money for cat food!
"For in that sleep of death,
what dreams may come
when we have shuffled off
this mortal coil, must give us pause.
There's the respect that
makes calamity of so long life,
for who would bear
the whips and scorns of time,
the oppressor's wrong,
the proud man's contumely,
the pangs of dispriz'd love,
the law's delay
and the spurns that patient merit
of the unworthy takes,
when he himself might his quietus make
with a bare bodkin?
Who would fardels bear,
to grunt and sweat under a weary life,
but that the dread of something
after death,
the undiscover'd country from whose bourn
no traveller returns,
puzzles the will and makes us
rather bear those ills we have
than fly to others
that we know not of?
Thus conscience
does make cowards of us all,
and thus the native hue
of resolution is sicklied o'er
with the pale cast of thought,
and enterprises of great pitch
and moment with this regard
"their currents turn awry,
and lose the name of action."
Oh, that toilet cleaner's
got me real messed up. Fuck!
OK, Mark...
I think I can do this.
OK, so, the story of Hamlet.
Hamlet's father dies,
and his uncle marries his mother.
He smells a rat,
and his suspicions are confirmed
when the ghost of his father turns up and
tells him he was murdered by his uncle.
"Look you how pale he glares!
"Do you see nothing there?"
"Nothing at all."
With his best friend
Horatio's help,
he spends the rest of the play
trying to get revenge on his uncle,
and meanwhile, his uncle tries to get rid
of Hamlet with the help of Polonius
and his daughter who's a bit of a puppet,
and, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern,
two of his friends.
Everybody dies in the process,
and this involves
lots of people pretending to be
something that they're not.
"Something's rotten
in the state of Denmark"... fits very well
to this sort of
fictional world of Los Santos.
You know, LA, ultra, ultra capitalism,
where everything is all about
getting what you want.
A quick buck, a quick bang.
I can't imagine
Claudius's life was exactly awful.
You know, brother to the king of Denmark,
it wasn't enough,
there being someone
more masculine than him,
it didn't sit well for him, it's like
violence seems to be the only answer.
That's a good point, Gareth.
Yeah, it's, you know...
It's a simple male thing, isn't it?
Claudius... behaving like that.
Maybe... here's one for you, Gareth,
maybe Claudius should have played
more computer games?
Ay, ay, ay!
Pinny, I think you and I are
the only civilized people here.
Oh, there we go.
That's who I recognise.
Yeah, I know.
Now you recognise the ass, I think.
Yeah, that's right!
How could I forget?
I don't know.
We've been actually, rehearsing this production of Hamlet.
What the fuck, man?
We're gonna do a rehearsal
this evening
if you wanna come along and watch.
You could be security for us.
Oh, that's fine.
Yeah. I'm interested alright.
- Yeah, that's good idea.
- Yeah.
"That is the question,
whether 'tis nobler in the mind
to suffer the slings and arrows
of outrageous fortune
"or to take arms against
a sea of troubles and by opposing--"
Oh, that's ParTeb.
Thank you, ParTeb.
I don't know what that meant.
- But thank you for killing him.
- Doing an amazing job.
Yeah,
we are now Shakespeare. You know.
We are now Killer Shakespeare.
- Killer Shakespeare.
- Murder Shakespeare, yeah.
Yeah. I mean,
Shakespeare is quite violent anyway, so.
We have another observer
over here called, Dan, Dontae, Don...
DontaeIsBetter.
He's in a top hat
and he's just watching us.
He's...
He's very friendly.
He has an interesting look.
Yeah, the sort of, like,
little dopamine hit you get
of when you speak to someone in here,
they do engage and go,
"Oh, I'm interested in what you're up to.
Can I watch?"
And you think,
"Yes, please. This is great."
"Sleep rock thy brain
"and never come mischance
between us twain."
"The lady protests too much,
methinks."
"I'll take the ghost's word
for a thousand pound. Didst perceive?"
"Very well, my Lord."
"Upon the talk of poisoning?"
"I did very well note him."
The Diamond Casino and Resort.
Fight the evil of boredom
with high stakes gaming.
Rich people truly are happier.
Well, there's a quiet corner
of the casino we can go to over here.
I'm stood over here in the corner.
It's a little bit quiet
and there aren't many people around.
Feeling really pleased, guys.
I'm really impressed.
We got through the whole of Act 3,
which is the biggest act.
We've got some ideas about, staging.
We coped well with the distractions.
I'm glad that we're getting used
to them now,
and just accepting
that they are gonna happen.
And yeah, I'm just very pleased.
I thought it was a really productive,
really good rehearsal.
Well done, everybody.
Like, I've never seen
a person do a play before,
so this is, like,
the first thing I've ever seen.
Wow!
Well, what a first.
I recently came out as trans
to my family,
and then, yeah, so...
It's one of them situations,
like, where you realise
who the... who the people around you are,
but also,
you're also finding your own truth.
That's why I can relate to Hamlet because
he's finding his own truth,
but he's also realizing
what people are like around him.
Yes! Yeah.
And then I'll try
and squeeze more time in as well
to get as much performance time
as I possibly can before I go.
Thank you, Nora.
That's really nice to hear.
Also, big up, DontaeIsBetter, because
you were amazing,
so it's been great to have you here.
And please just come along whenever,
you know.
Join us whenever you see us online,
Dontae. You're always welcome.
The silent, the silent legend.
- There we go. Right. Alright.
- Yeah!
We're gonna have some fun
with a blimp today, Jen.
- Of course we are.
- Of course we are.
Yes! An average Wednesday morning.
It's perfect.
Just as Shakespeare intended.
Yes.
If he could have done it himself, Mark.
He was just waiting for you guys
to come around and make it happen for him.
You may be right.
You can stand on top of that,
on top of the actual balloon bit.
Whoa!
And act out a scene
while it's moving.
Oh, wow. Look at that, man.
Jesus!
Whoa!
Guys, that is too fabulous.
And Sam will, jump down
to go towards the blimp
and eventually jump onto it,
which will leave, Hora...
yes, Horatio on here.
Jen will be like,
"Come, come, Prince. Come follow."
And we will all jump onto the blimp.
Don't worry.
Lower, lower, lower, Gareth.
If anything, we kinda want to drop
onto it, if you know what I mean.
- That seems good. That seems good.
- OK.
So, you see, when it's like this,
it's almost impossible to fall
into the gap, do you know what I mean?
- Fuck. Fuck, fuck.
- You having fun down there, Sam?
Oh, I just died.
Yeah. BTRaiderz is being
very helpful, as always.
BTRaiderz, great.
Thanks, BTRaiderz.
So, who did you think
BTRaiderz is, then, Sam?
Who do I think BTRaiderz is?
I think...
I don't know who he is.
He's like this mystery man,
who just seems to turn up
whenever we need him.
It's funny 'cause when he first came,
when we first saw him,
you know, you see someone you don't know
and you think, "Oh, no,
this guy's gonna come and just...
"just ruin us and destroy us
and annihilate us."
And immediately he was just...
He was just everything we needed.
He's like this sort of superhero guy,
and he looks like a superhero.
But BTRaiderz is essentially... I think
he's become our de facto stage manager.
That's the amazing and surprising thing
about this world.
We just keep coming across
these people who wanna help us.
BTRaiderz, DontaeIsBetter,
even ParTeb in his own way.
We don't know them. They don't know us.
But they just keep coming back.
That gives me hope that
what we're trying to do is possible.
There it is.
Remind me again,
by the way. If I land here...
Jerry will be out of shot.
Yeah. Wait till it's in position.
Try now.
OK. Are you confident
I'm gonna get on?
Yeah? OK, so I'll say...
I'll say, "Away."
Go on. I'll follow you.
"I'll follow thee."
There we go. Yes.
And then we walk to this end.
That was perfect,
that kind of, like, timing and...
How fucking good did that look?
Fucking hell, guys,
that was amazing!
How amazing did that look?
I couldn't get over
how gorgeous it was.
I'd say it's almost worth
going above the clouds,
because you can go really fast
and really far.
OK, yeah, well, let's go up
and up and up and we'll see.
Let's go. Yeah, this,
this is as high as you can get.
Yeah, this is quite a place to do a scene.
Look at the horizon.
Look at that curve in the earth.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- It's good, isn't it?
How high are we going?
We're still going up.
- This is amazing.
- Are we?
I think we are, aren't we?
- Oh, shit.
- I don't think so.
- Oh, God. No!
- Oh, no.
- I just sort of flipped off.
- Did you fall off, Jerry?
And I'm not using my parachute,
I'm sort of lying in a prone position
as if I'm lying on a bed.
OK. Well, that is amazing.
It's like Shakespeare
on a billion-dollar budget.
You know? Like, everything is possible.
Like, if Elon Musk decided to put
on a version of Shakespeare in LA,
then maybe they could,
they could match this in the real world.
Other than that, there's no way
you could ever be faced
with the random problems
we've been trying to kind of get past.
There we go.
And I think that's been, for me,
one of the most fun aspects of this,
just trying to find new and
unique ways of staging it.
It's... I mean, it's kind of amazing
that it hasn't really been done before
as I'm thinking it's kind of limitless.
Let me just get my phone out.
Hang on, hang on, hang on.
I need to get, like, a nice shot of you.
Sorry. I know you haven't got time.
- Sorry, just bear with me, alright?
- Can we just get on with this?
OK, OK. OK.
Go on. Come on.
So the technical thing...
Yes, so I'm trying to work out
how to stage the play.
You know, in some ways
I'd like to just rehearse it as a play
and work through character stuff and
all that shit.
But...
Also, there's just so much
kind of technical stuff
to work out with this.
But that requires quite a lot
of kind of careful thought and planning.
Then you have to think how do you get
all the actors to the different locations?
How do you get the audience
to the different locations?
Who's gonna do that?
And you want it to be kind of
kind of smooth and easy transitions.
Like this blimp here,
I don't know
how many audience we're gonna have,
but inevitably, someone's gonna fall off.
Well, the thing is,
you can't stop the production
just because somebody dies.
No.
As harsh as that sounds.
Yeah.
You know, you may have a member
of the Royal Shakespeare Company turn up.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
I love it!
- Oh, my God.
- That's hysterical.
Is that right? Are these people,
like, a very, very huge thing?
They're probably
the most renowned Shakespeare--
It's, like, the biggest thing ever.
Yeah.
It's, like,
the biggest thing possible.
That's fantastic.
Given that, and everything else,
we should probably try
and work out what we're doing.
"this is one Lucianus,
"nephew to the king."
"You shall see anon how the murderer
gets the love of Gonzago's wife."
"The king rises."
Oh, wait.
"What! Frighted with false fire?"
"How fares the king?"
"Give o'er the play."
Everybody run, run, run.
We can get out of here
as soon as possible.
- Sam...
- The police can get you.
And it makes everything
suddenly seem a bit...
Have we got time to get...?
Let's all try and get on.
Oh, no!
Oh, shit.
Who's got another plane?
Hello. Pegasus Lifestyle
Management. How can I help you?
Thank you, sir.
Your spectacular aircraft is now
ready for you at our nearest airfield.
Just trying to work out
how I fucking...
use this...
ridiculously large plane.
Hello, Pinny?
Hi.
I'm in this car park
with these complete weirdos.
Whoever will be playing this game
at, like, seven o'clock in the morning
has a serious--
needs their head examined.
Pinny, that... We are.
Am I spending too much time
in this game, do you think?
Yeah, just a little bit, Sam.
You and Mark have become obsessed.
Like, he's not... He was up
at two o'clock last night, rehearsing.
Yeah.
And you have been up
since I don't know what time this morning,
buying planes.
It's like playing this game
has become everything to you.
I mean, what about the kids,
what about me?
Can you just tell these NPCs to fuck off?
It's really annoying, them watching us
when we're having an argument.
What you do is...
that.
Oh, except now the police are here.
Oh, shit.
You missed my birthday.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
Yeah, let the fuckers kill you.
So, you know,
I realised that in order to be able
to spend any time with you at all,
I'm gonna have to go on this game.
- Are you coming back?
- I'm here.
Yeah, I'm very sorry about that.
That was not good.
It was bad timing, that. I'm sorry.
I wanna give you a hug.
Well, you can in real life.
I'm in the same house as you, you know?
- Yeah. Shall we...?
- I'm just upstairs.
Shall we get off this and just...
hang out in real life
and have some breakfast?
"I have of late,
but wherefore I know not,
lost all my mirth,
forgone all custom of exercise.
And indeed,
it goes so heavily with my disposition
that this goodly frame, the earth,
"seems to me a sterile promontory."
"This most excellent canopy,
the air, look you,
this majestical roof fretted
with golden fire.
Why, it appears nothing to me
"but a foul and pestilent congregation
of vapours."
Stupid bitch.
I mean, I agree with you but...
"What a piece of work is a man.
How noble in reason,
how infinite in faculties.
In form and moving
how express and admirable.
In action how like an angel.
In apprehension how like a god.
The beauty of the world,
the paragon of animals.
And yet, to me,
what is this quintessence of dust?
"No, man delights not me."
- This is how I feel about the world.
- You absolute fucking idiot!
You know, I felt that,
as so many people did
at times in their life, you know...
I have of late, but wherefore I know not,
lost all my mirth.
Why am I feeling like this?
And look at this world. Isn't it amazing?
Isn't it fucking beautiful?
And yet also it's kind of disgusting.
And look at humans.
They're incredible. They're extraordinary.
Extraordinary creatures.
And yet, they're just pathetic pieces
of dust as well.
So, that's what this world seems
to be so full of,
those contradictions that
Hamlet expresses
so fluently and yet so humanly
inarticulately as well.
And it's sort of
so beautifully expressed in this world,
that combination
of absolute stunning beauty and
grotesque,
horrible, horrible violence as well.
"Judgement!"
"A hit, a palpable hit."
"Well, again."
"stay. Give me drink.
"Hamlet, the pearl is thine.
Here's to thy health."
OK, so, guys...
Guys, we've never done the whole run.
We've never done a whole run
with everybody.
We haven't done a whole run
with everyone. We've done one...
Yeah, so God knows
what the fuck is gonna happen,
but it'll all be great.
Oh, wow! Look at that.
Right, do you know SmokeyJoe720?
Shall I invite him?
- He's a...
- Yeah.
Apparently he's
a mighty Wu-Tang Clan thug.
I'll invite him.
Invited DontaeIsBetter.
I'm inviting IDucktle now.
I'm inviting KageOniii.
I'm inviting...
ParTebMosMir.
All in-game audience members,
we are still at the moment on course
to kick off on time at 7.45.
Oh, my God, here comes
ParTebMosMir in a massive plane.
Oh, my God.
- He doesn't do things subtly.
- Awesome.
I hope he's dressed as an alien.
He doesn't like doing things subtly!
Nice landing!
21 waiting
to watch the stream, guys.
And it's not even time. Yeah.
Wait, how many people?
- 21 already.
- 21 waiting.
I've definitely played
to less people than that before.
Sam, I think when I saw your show
right before the pandemic,
there were less people.
Oh, yeah, definitely. Definitely.
It was great!
Yeah, definitely.
A little confidence boost
before we go in!
I am so,
so fucking grateful to all of you
for coming on this journey with me.
You are all brilliant,
wonderful, creative,
artistic, clever,
intelligent, talented people,
and I love you all,
and I am just so happy
you're all here with me.
So just enjoy it.
This is the first time
anyone's ever done this.
You know, we are making history,
so let's fucking have fun.
OK, guys, I'm gonna go live.
- Break legs, guys
- You ready?
Cut the chat, everybody.
Break a leg.
- Five, four, three, two, one.
- Break a leg, everybody.
- Let's see what happens.
- Alright, we are go on the stream.
OK. Well, welcome, anyone watching
on our live stream on YouTube and Twitch.
Welcome to Grand Theft Hamlet,
the first ever full performance
of a Shakespeare play
within a video game environment.
We are gonna be performing Hamlet
for you this evening.
We are stepping out
into the brave new world of...
What would you even call this?
Video game theatre, ladies and gentlemen.
I think we are ready to kick off
and we're gonna do so.
If you could all please,
everyone in the audience,
get aboard this speedboat of mine.
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen,
to Grand Theft Hamlet.
Now, I'm just going to take us over
to the yacht we can see in the distance
there, ladies and gentlemen,
the HMS Elsinore.
And I'm going to, very formally
and royally introduce you
to His and Her Majesty,
the King and Queen of Denmark.
I think Horatio's
just fallen into the water.
Fuck!
For this relief much thanks.
'Tis bitter cold and I am sick at heart.
Have you had quiet guard? Say,
what, is Horatio there?
A piece of him?
Welcome Horatio.
The air bites shrewdly.
It is very cold.
It is a nipping
and an eager air.
What hour now?
- I think it lacks of twelve.
- No, no. It is struck.
Indeed? I heard it not.
Then it draws near the season.
Look, my Lord, it comes.
Angels
and ministers of grace defend us.
Be thou a spirit of health
or goblin damned.
Bring with thee airs from heaven
or blasts from hell.
Thou com'st in such a questionable shape
that I will speak to thee.
I'll call thee Hamlet,
king, father, royal Dane.
Oh, answer me.
It beckons you
to go away with it.
As if some impartment
did desire to you alone.
It will not speak.
Then I will follow it.
Do not, my Lord.
Why?
What should be the fear?
What if it tempt you
toward the flood, my Lord?
Or to the dreadful summit of the cliff?
You shall not go, my Lord.
Hold off your hands.
Be ruled. You shall not go.
I say away!
Go on, I'll follow thee.
He waxes desperate
with imagination.
Let's follow.
'Tis not fit thus to obey him.
Something is rotten
in the state of Denmark.
The time is out of joint.
Oh, cursed spite
that ever I was born to set it right.
Nay, come. Let's go together.
Fuck!
Right, ladies and gents,
we're having some technical issues
with the blimp,
which I hope you can appreciate.
Fuck,
I think everyone died.
Apologies, ladies and gentlemen.
That was not supposed to happen,
but that's quite alright.
If everyone could please
make their way over to the casino.
So, if you don't mind coming
down the stairs, ladies and gents,
and just getting into position
anywhere around here.
As you can see, the notorious Hamlet,
the Dane, is over there by the fire pit.
So keep your distance, ladies and gents.
We should be able to hear
what he's saying from here.
And, in fact, the whole of the next scene.
To be or not to be.
That is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind
to suffer the slings and arrows
of outrageous fortune
or to take arms against a sea of troubles
and, by opposing, end them?
Their perfume lost,
take these again,
for, to the noble mind, rich gifts
wax poor when givers prove unkind.
There, my lord.
Ha. Are you honest?
My Lord?
Are you fair?
Forgive me my foul murder.
Bow, stubborn knees!
And heart with strings of steel
be as soft as sinews of a newborn babe.
Now might I do it pat.
Now he is praying. And now I'll do it.
Alas, he's mad.
Do not forget, this visitation is
but to whet thy almost blunted purpose.
But look, amazement on thy mother sits.
O, step between her and her fighting soul.
Speak to her, Hamlet.
How is it with you, Lady?
Up he rose
and donned his clothes
And dupped the chamber door
Let in the maid that out a maid
Never departed more
How long has she been thus?
The King, the King's to blame.
Here, thou incestuous,
murderous, damned Dane.
Follow my mother.
He is justly served. Exchange...
forgiveness with me, noble Hamlet.
Mine and my father's death
come not upon thee,
nor thine on me.
Heaven make thee free of it.
I follow thee.
I am dead, Horatio.
Wretched queen, adieu.
You...
that look pale and tremble at this chance,
that are but mutes
or audience to this act.
Had I but time, as this fell sergeant,
death, is strict in his arrest,
O, I could tell you, but let it be.
O, Horatio...
I... am dead.
Thou livest.
Report me and my cause aright
to the unsatisfied.
If thou didst ever hold me in thy heart,
absent thee from felicity awhile
and, in this harsh world,
draw thy breath in pain
to tell my story.
The rest is silence.
Ladies and gentlemen,
our revels now are ended.
Woo-hoo!
We did it!
Hey, hey! Well done, guys.
We got through it. Woo-hoo!
- Woo!
- Yeah!
You may shoot each other!
No!
Sorry Jen.
OK, in-game audience,
you're welcome to come.
We're gonna have...
We're gonna have a little after party.
Dontae, I think maybe... maybe...
Can we all go to your nightclub?
The option will come up
to pay to get in,
but, we might be overcrowding it.
- Dontae's just made it free.
- Oh, it's free.
Nice!
Tough shit if you've already paid.
Yeah, I just paid $100, Dontae.
Thanks, but anyway...
You know what? You deserve it.
I'm happy to pay to come into your club.
If everyone's got a pen and paper,
or maybe just, like, their phone open,
I've got some notes.
Fuck you!
- Alright.
- I don't know how to stop dancing.
- Good choice!
- Yeah.
It's not letting me stop.
I'm gonna get a drink.
I think this bar's a bit quieter.
- A bottle or two?
- That didn't take long, Dipo.
- That was so funny at the start.
- It was hysterical.
Well, we're emptying out
the dance floor now, Sam and Mark.
Just you guys left.
- I'm exhausted.
- I'm exhausted as well. We should--
So, I dunno, was it, like,
the adrenaline or the stress?
I'm, I'm lying on the floor in real life.
You know, generally speaking,
I thought that went fine.
Obviously, the blimp blew up
and the plane crashed, but we got...
We got around both of them.
We just had
a couple of minutes of resetting.
Oh, we're all out now.
Oh, man.
Well, that was...
That was a thing.
Yeah.
Just gonna have a cigarette.
Are you having one
in real life as well?
Well done, guys.
Yeah, well done, guys. Well done.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, what now?
What now?
It was amazing.
Well, look, man,
and you know...
I mean, I'm often popping up
your neck of the woods, actually.
Whatever, just let me know.
Logging out.
There he goes.
For their fully staged
production of Hamlet
in the open world of the video gameGrand Theft Auto,
our winner is Sam Crane!
We got it, we won!