Granny of the Dead (2017) Movie Script

- A small town and
no one can flee from betrayal.
And evil is looming too,
he writes their tale.
From deep within hell
a curse rises up,
to strike down the
old and never give up.
The elderly dead will
smell blood in the air,
eating flesh of the young,
and the world will despair.
- Ed, where's gem?
- Babysittin'.
- I know where
she is, I was just
checkin' to see if you knew.
- I know where she is.
- I do miss this place.
- I don't miss this
church, it creeps me out.
- I miss my mum's apple pie.
- I miss your mum's apple pie.
- We used to have some wicked
halloweens here, didn't we?
- Before, but
nothing ever happens.
We should do something.
- Fancy dress?
- Whoa,
shocker'd Freddy,
i got the claws.
- I've got a sheep costume.
- I want it.
- Do you remember
your 18th birthday
when I said I was coming
as the invisible man?
And I just didn't show up?
- That was good, that,
no one saw you all night.
- You need a shave.
- So do you.
- Oi!
- I love the beard.
- Yeah, beards rock.
- I'm hurt.
- Ah.
- Oh, don't please grow a beard.
- Oh, I wish I could.
- Aw.
- Now gas can grow
a bloody good beard.
- I heard he's bangin'
a ripe little thing.
- I heard she's really filthy.
- I'm his best mate
and he hasn't told me.
- You know i
don't like thunder.
- You are just
scared of everythin'.
- Right, I'm off, got
work in the mornin'.
Don't forget the parents
are back tomorrow,
and nan's still ill, so.
Mm, look after her.
Just for one more day, please.
Otherwise I'll be in shit, too.
- Shadow on the wall.
- Why are you here?
- Come on!
- Okay nan, it's
time to wake up.
Lazy cow.
Oh, shit!
Look I need you to do something
for me, it's an emergency.
- Oh, it better be
a bloody emergency.
- Don't hurt me!
- Zombies take over
the planet?
- Well, not sure about
the whole planet but
definitely our town.
Ah, no, no!
Oh, Jesus, jeez!
Oh, by god!
- Okay listen up.
If this is for real,
there's a few rules.
Firstly, do not
leave your house.
In the first few hours
of a zombie attack,
people will try to escape
because most people are dumb.
Roads will become a
mess, the town a panic.
Stay in your room,
load up on weapons,
prepare to kick ass.
But stay put, and stay alert.
- Hey, boy.
- Listen, nan is from hell.
She's gone fuckin'
mad, what do I do?
- Fuck!
My neighbor's a zombie!
- Quick, go away.
- I'm locked in my room, the
whole town might be infected.
- No shit.
- Billy!
- I can't really talk
at the mo, my mum,
she's really pissed!
- God.
I can see his brains!
- No no, no don't look,
don't look.
- Look away!
- She's gone.
- Okay.
So turn around and
stay in your room.
- I'm gonna check it out.
- Okay what was the
point in phonin' me, huh?
Oh, my god!
I'm back
in my room again.
- Good.
Now listen to me and stay put.
- Dude, I think nan was
cooking up pancakes.
- Pancakes?
- Well, a fucked up pancake.
She's cooking up my cat, she--
- yes!
Zombies will have some
sort of memories left over.
I think certain things
might trigger or stimulate
whatever memories it
has, and act them out.
But she's not all
there, remember.
It's said, the
earlier the zombie,
the more memories it has left.
But soon they'll all disappear,
and all that's left
is its instinct
to eat the livings' flesh.
Next thing you should
do is phone the police.
The zombie attack might
only be on your street
if you're lucky, so a bit
of help might come in handy.
But don't mention the
zombie thing, okay?
- Right, what are you gonna do?
- Me?
I'm gonna stay put.
Load up on weapons,
and prepare to kick ass.
- Hello,
blackwood police station,
how can I help?
- Yes, uh,
my name is ed, I live at
number nine, high view.
I've got a huge problem.
My nan has gone crazy.
She's very old, and she
doesn't know what she's doing,
but she has a shotgun
and she's shooting up the house.
I need help, the
bitch has gone mad.
- We take prank
calls very seriously.
- Prank?
I am totally fucking serious,
my nan has gone completely nuts.
She's been tryin' to
kill me all morning!
- Look sir, wasting police
time is a criminal offense.
- What?
She's already killed my cat.
I loved little moggy.
- Please, sir.
- Okay, all right.
I am wasting police time so
you'd best send someone
around here to punish me.
- Okay, just for the record,
are you saying that your
nan doesn't have a gun
and she isn't
trying to shoot you?
- No, I have the
fucking gun, bitch!
Now if I were you I'd
send someone round,
'cause if you don't
I'm gonna have to,
have to blow my nan's
goddamn head off instead.
- Oh,
holy shit!
- What?
- I am seeing an old man
attacking the milkman!
- What?
- Oh!
Oh, he's okay!
The milkman has survived.
Well, not for long.
- Why?
- He was injured.
Oh, we are in serious shit.
Oh, my god, ed.
There is a group of old
zombies walkin' down my street!
How many zombies have you seen?
- Two, my nan and
zimmer frame lady.
Oh plus Corey said his
neighbor was a zombie, too.
- Hmm, he was old, right?
- Yeah.
- With all the zimmers
outside my window,
I've only seen old zombies.
- Old zombies?
- Yeah.
Well in theory only
the dead are turned,
but your nan wasn't dead, right?
- No, but she was pretty ill.
- Then my guess is an infection
has spread over the town
but it's only taken the old.
The weaker will always get
infected first I guess.
- Well there was something else.
She had white eyes and then
and then she had black eyes.
Like she had a demon face.
My nan's a zombie demon!
- Really?
Then maybe it
isn't an infection.
Maybe it's something
and the old can't fight it.
It's just a theory.
- You say the old get taken.
I can't help thinkin' one thing.
- Ed.
This is Eddie, fuckin' hell?
- Gaz.
I need you to listen up and
tell me the truth, okay?
Are you still sleeping
with Billy's nan?
- What?
Hey, that was a one-off.
I was weak.
She came on to me.
What kind of a friend
do you think I am?
- Shit, gaz, you're
still shagging her.
- Oh, you know me too well.
Yeah, still bangin'
the old bird.
I can't stop myself.
I love the elderly, dude.
It's a rush for me.
I'm at hers right now.
- Shit.
Right, I need you
to listen to me.
You need to get out
of there right now.
- I can't be stopped, ed.
She's like a dirty little drug.
- Gaz, get the fuck out of
there, she's a fucking zombie!
- Zombie?
You cheeky fuck,
she's not that old.
Anyway, uh, really
have to go, ed,
but I'll do you a favor,
leave the phone on
so you can listen in.
She's a fuckin' screamer.
- You dick!
She's gonna fucking kill you!
- Not so--
what the devil is this
with fucking those teeth?
You fucking bitch!
- Gaz!
You okay?
How's it goin'?
- Ed.
It's the worst day
of my fuckin' life.
- Can't be that bad, mate.
- Well, I think me
mum's from hell.
She's got a face like a demon.
It's funny.
My dad always said, "your
mum's the fucking devil, son."
Couldn't get much
worse than this.
- Yeah.
- Look, mate,
I am sorry about shootin'
your uncle in the face.
- It's all right.
- He was comin' right at us.
- He was trying to kill us.
- He was.
- Did you have to
shoot my dog, though?
- Well,
you can't be too sure.
- But you, yeah you can.
- He had a look in his eye.
- He's always got
that look in his eye.
He's got one eye.
- Uh,
there's one to sign for.
I'll just leave
it here, shall I?
- Dai.
Gaz is dead.
- No way.
- Not only that.
I think the police turned up.
There was a lot of
screaming and now
there's nothing
but silence.
I don't get it.
The door was locked.
He must have got
attacked from outside.
- In that case it's
already started.
They've begun to roam the town.
- What am I supposed to do?
- Well, there's only
two things you can do:
Secure the house
and kill your nan,
or stay put and wait for
this to all blow over.
- I don't think i
can kill my nan.
There's something I need
to tell you, it's been,
it's been buggin'
me all morning.
- Trust me, ed, nothing's
gonna bother me right now.
- Gaz has been
shagging your nan.
- You what?
- See where I got your uncle?
Look, brains left.
Brainy, brainy, brainy.
- It's too soon for that.
- Brainy.
- It's too soon.
- Got a prank call, number nine.
Possible crazies with shotguns.
- Shotguns?
Only the other night I was
watchin' hobo with a shotgun.
Seen it?
- No.
Any good?
- Awesome.
Craziest fucked-up
film I've ever seen.
I need help
at number nine high view--
- sir?
- And there's--
- you okay?
- A man here without a hand.
- You all right, sir?
- Right, I'll go around the
back, keep an eye on him.
- Sir, can you
turn around please?
Sir, can you tell
me what happened?
Sir, stay right there!
Don't fuckin' move.
I said stay there, sir!
Stay there!
Oh, Christ!
- Up here!
Up here.
Whoa, don't shoot me!
- Keep still.
Right, what the fuck's going on?
We've had reports of
man here with a shotgun.
- Uh, not exactly,
but there is a mad old woman
in there, trying to kill me.
She's in the house somewhere.
- She has a shotgun?
- Uh.
I'd shoot to kill,
she's gone insane.
- Get back, get back!
- Shit!
Where is she?
Have you seen her?
- No.
You mind telling me
what the hell that is?
- That
is my dead cat, moggy.
Sleeping in a pile of shit.
- What's really goin' on here?
- The truth is
my nan's a zombie.
- A zombie?
- Yeah,
and she ate my cat.
Shoot the bitch!
She's gone.
- Oh, no!
Oh, my god.
- Why didn't you shoot him?
- Shoot him?
You mean my fuckin' partner?
- He's a zombie!
- Ah,
back the fuck off, zombies.
They're bullshit.
Let me think a second.
- While you think about
things I'm gonna take a shit.
- You take a shit
and I'll shoot you.
- What?
- Hello, come in.
This is Harvey here,
we have a real serious
situation, I need back-up.
Officer ts5291.
I need assistance, come in.
What the fuck is going on?
- It's spread.
- What, the zombies?
- They've taken over the old,
now it looks like the
whole village is infected.
- Infected, by zombies?
- Yeah.
- Well you got a signal
on that phone of yours?
- Oh, not yet.
One bar.
Ah, two.
Oh, my god, no!
bugger, bugger, bugger!
- Look, hurry.
- Get off, me,
I'm trying to get in.
Ah, for fuck's sake.
- Boom!
- Ah, get him, get him.
We've got a big gun now.
Oh, Christ.
- Sorry, I cant
hold it in any longer.
Oh, my gosh.
what's the plan?
- I'd rather you didn't
speak to me when you're,
when you're takin' a shit.
- We need a plan.
- Yeah, well let's not
rush into anythin'.
We've got to have
a real good plan.
- We use that gun and
shoot our way out.
- Look, I don't think running
out of here with guns blazin'
is a good idea.
- We could just
wait for help?
- I don't think I can wait.
- Yeah,
me neither.
- Jeez.
- Sorry.
- Distract my friend
'cause I'm going.
- What about the plan?
- Fuck the plan.
- I'm sorry.
No, wait wait, what's
goin' on, wait.
- Fuck, my partner's out there.
- But my nan's that way.
- Well I don't wanna kill him.
- Well I don't wanna kill her.
- We're goin' that way.
- Did you hear that?
- What?
- Did you hear that?
- What?
- It's jan.
- It's jan.
- Jan who?
- Jan?
- Help me!
- There it is again.
- Shut up, you're
makin' me willies.
- It's comin' from
the livin' room.
- Come on.
- It's my neighbor doin' that,
he may be one.
Wait, man, I don't think
this is a good idea.
- Help me.
- There!
Shoot her.
Why is she so strong?
Shoot her!
Why aren't you shooting her?
Just shoot her!
- Gem.
- Ceri, thank god!
Did you make it out?
- I made it.
- Where are you now?
- Um, not too far away.
I'm at the edge of the woods.
- Ceri?
- I think there's someone here.
- What?
Then get out of the woods.
Get out of the woods, run!
- I don't think you
should be moving the body.
- I can't have her
lyin' out there.
Any neighbor could pop
out his door and see this.
- She is your neighbor.
I don't wanna take her, what
if a neighbor finds her?
I think she's blamin' me.
she could've killed me already.
She still remembers me.
- Come on.
Let's get outta here.
- Fuck!
Didn't see him.
- Conserving bullets.
Good thinking.
Oh, shit.
- What?
- I forgot my club.
Where is he?
Do you think he's
toying with us?
- Zombies don't toy with you.
Clever girl.
- No!
Things have really
hit the fan here.
- For once you're right.
Don't think it's just
the village any more.
More like the county,
south wales even.
TV and Internet signal's down,
i can't get any outside info.
Luckily the phone
signal's still up.
How's your situation goin'?
- Not too good.
I swear, I've seen
some weird shit.
- Why are you whisperin'?
- I don't know.
- I've noticed a
few different types.
You've got your slow zombie,
normally with white eyes.
Then you've got your
fast zombie, normally
with black eyes.
The supernatural
thing's starting to look
like the right theory, though.
I think they're fastest when
the demon has hold of them.
Need to start thinkin'
about securin' your house
and getting ready
for the long haul.
- What do you mean?
Killin' my nan?
Stockin' up with food, and
and loading up with weapons?
Stockin' up with
food first, I think.
- Okay.
You stock up, kill your nan.
I'm gonna try and get
word from the outside.
- What?
- Just saw a guy get
his arm ripped off.
Oh, call you later.
- Shit.
Look you, what are you doin'?
- Shit!
- It's said, the
earlier the zombie,
the more memories it has left.
But soon, they'll all disappear
and all that's left
is its instinct
to eat the livings' flesh.
- Ah, stupid.
Oh, fuck!
No, no, oh fuck!
- Ed.
- Phil.
- It's time.
- Dai,
it's getting fucking worse.
- From what I'm seein' here,
you don't wanna leave
your room again.
- Well it's too bloody
late now, I'm on the roof.
- The roof?
- Yeah,
I got chased out my own house.
- You need to get back
in there and secure the house.
- What?
- I'm safe, secure,
I've got plenty of food.
Well, I say food.
A dozen pot noodles,
snacks and tinned stuff.
Should keep me going
for a bit though.
And elen's on the way over.
Hey, how's your girlfriend
taking all this?
- Oh, shit!
Hey, sweetie.
- Don't you hey sweetie
me, you bastard.
Why haven't you called?
- Why didn't you call me?
- Because I'm still
mad at you, that's why.
And just because it's
the end of the world
it doesn't mean I'm
gonna forgive you, okay?
- I'm sorry I didn't
call you sooner, babes,
but my nan's been trying
to kill me all day.
Will you wait a sec?
Where are you?
- I'm in the car.
I'm fine, by the way,
thanks for askin'.
- Fuck!
If you're in your car why
don't you just drive to mine?
- Well, when when i
ran out of the house
I was chased by my uncle rod,
and when I opened the
car door, I panicked, and
I left the keys in the door.
- Your uncle's still there?
- Yeah.
- Okay wait a sec.
- Ed?
I'm sorry I was
so harsh with you.
I wish you was here
to protect me and all.
- Right.
I'm gonna get down
off this roof,
kill a few zombies on the way,
I'm gonna come for you, and
I'm gonna save the fucking day.
- You mean it?
- Yeah, damn right!
- I love you.
- Hiya, love!
- Shit!
Fuck it!
- What the fuck?
- Sorry, ed, thought you
was one of those things.
- Really fuckin' hurt.
- Fuck you, mum, and
you have got a mustache!
- Billy!
Are you okay?
- No, my mum's a fuckin'
bitch and my nan's a whore!
- Oh, shit, Billy, calm down.
- And those things have
got me out of the house!
- It's all right,
it's all right.
- What the fuck's that?
- A gun.
I found it round
the block, you know.
- Let's have a look.
- I'm as good as packin'.
- What, can I borrow it?
- Oh, no, sorry it's mine.
Why don't you just get
back in there, be a man,
and just throw her ass out!
Come on, Billy!
Go on!
Oh, Billy?
No fuckin' way.
Oh, shit!
Okay, come on.
Fuck the fuck off.
Come on!
Oh, son of a bitch.
You want a fight?
You're gonna get one.
Where are you?
God, get off.
Oh, god, oh.
Go make pancakes
in hell, you bitch!
- Ed?
Is Gemma here?
I got her a present.
- Shit!
- Watch it.
What the...
- Gotta save the fucking--
- oh!
I'm so sorry, are you all right?
- I think I bruised my ass.
- Oh, where?
- Ah!
Oh shit.
in the car.
- What?
- In the car.
- What?
- No no, I'll drive.
Don't do this now,
you piece of shit!
Is that Corey?
- Jesus!
- Come on!
Oh, my god.
- Fuck.
- Shit.
- You seen that, it was
fuckin' inches away.
Fuck it, oh god!
Ah, fuck it!
- Ed, ed, ed.
- Fuck, get
in, get in, come on!
- Move, move your finger!
- Help!
- Is there something
you should be telling us?
- Yeah, there's
zombies everywhere.
- Everywhere.
- Aw, shit.
My parents.
Hey, don't, don't, dad!
Get something sharp!
- The
boy's jumped on him.
Oh, he's jumpin' all over him.
- It's a zombie.
You need to destroy its brain!
- Oh, boys,
this is not good, right?
What do we do out there, eh?
- Quick!
- Over there, over
there, over there!
- Oh, my god.
- The head, shoot it!
- Oh, okay, I'm firin'!
- Hit her in the head!
Get it in the head, man!
- I'm tryin', all right.
- Bugger!
- Will, I am very
stressed out right now!
Try and move back!
- Ah, quick!
What the--
what the fuck, man?
- Ed.
Get off of him, man.
- Oh god, oh god, no!
Oh god!
Get off me, oh fuck, oh.
- Ed!
- Look, look it's Billy!
- Oh, fuckin' hell!
- What the fuck, Johnny?
You sick bitch.
- Dave!
- Shoot him, shoot the
fucking thing, shoot them!
Do you have ammo,
get the ammo on you!
Oh, you fucking idiot!
It's goin' off, Christ almighty.
Run man and get her!
- Oh, god.
- Get up, get up, get up.
- Billy, you're a fucking fool!
- Get out of the way!
Stop the bloody car,
woman, will you do it?
- Look,
he's all right!
- Bleeding.
- No, wait.
I'll do it.
- I love you.
- Shit.
- Hey.
- Oh fuck, no.
Careful, jeez.
Right in the eye.
- Sorry.
- Don't touch him!
- So.
You're sayin'
this all started
with the olds, yeah?
- That's the theory.
- But
doesn't your brother work
in an old people's home?
- Yeah.