Guess Who (2024) Movie Script
OK, so, how many Christmas
or holiday parties have you been to
that were actually scary?
What?
How scary can a person
wearing a pillow case
and rubber boots be?
I mean, it depends on how drunk they are.
But trust me, you have
never seen anything like this.
Mummer night gets...
It just gets weird as fuck, OK?
Yeah, OK. But I want to
spend real time with your family.
This is a big deal for me.
You will.
OK? For sure.
Well, I'm excited!
Especially with you as my hot tour guide.
There goes the service.
No bars.
This is your last chance.
We can turn around now if you want to.
- If I want?
- Yeah. It's your last chance.
Michael, are you sure you
don't want to turn around?
It's just been so long, you know?
I mean...
You know how family is, right?
It's complicated.
Yeah, tell me about it.
That looked better back in the day.
It, uh, closed down
right before I left.
It kind of fucked the town.
It ruined people.
Gets the job done.
I'm gonna fill her up.
You know you got to go
when you're ready to risk
a gas station bathroom.
- I'll be here, pumping away.
- OK. I'll look for it.
- Love you.
- Love you too.
Ew. No.
"The shitter."
Oh God...
Get the...
Get off me!
Get off me!
- Stop!
- Kaitlyn?
Kaitlyn!
Oh my God!
Hey, what happened?
What happened?
Some guy wearing a
mummer's mask just attacked me.
But did he hurt you?
- Are you OK?
- I'm fine.
I'm fine. I'm just...
He took my necklace.
OK.
You know what? This was a mistake.
- No, it's not.
- No, we should bail. No.
I'm good.
Let's just go back to the car.
- You sure?
- I'm OK.
I'm good.
Come on.
Fucking starter, come on.
- A-are we stuck here?
- No, we're not stuck.
There's just this trick to it, OK? Hold on.
Hold on, you got to just
push it all the way through
and wiggle it all the way to turning.
Michael, you got to get that fixed.
No, this thing doesn't need money.
It just needs a little TLC.
All right?
You know I... I always respect her,
and she...
Oh my God!
she takes care of me.
My mom gave it to me.
I'm sorry.
Let's just go.
- OK.
- OK.
I got you.
Thanks.
Boy, you'll be repaying the favor
at my dad's bougie New Year's brunch, so.
He's not that bad.
They're gonna love you.
OK, no. No, no, no.
It is meet-the-family time, OK?
This place is wild.
Yeah, always was.
But you know what?
I think they moved it around a bit.
Well, they are homes that are mobile...
- Oh.
- So they move.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Thank you.
There used to be this
trailer with AstroTurf
that I would turn right at.
Are we lost?
N-no.
No, we're not lost.
We're... just, uh, turned around a bit.
And there... there's just so
many more homes, you know?
It must be a booming
time for trailer parks.
Right.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
That is really, really creepy.
Yeah.
So, which way is your mom's place?
Hey!
You look familiar somehow.
You're Mama Gosse's boy.
Yeah, I am.
Yeah, I couldn't tell
under them fancy threads.
Well, welcome home.
And welcome to you, young lady.
Michael may be too proud to admit it,
we just... we're a little lost.
- No!
- Could you just show us...
Oh, you forgot about us already?
That's what you get
leaving where you're from.
To be fair, your mama's trailer has moved.
Why don't I show you?
Oh, no.
We're... we're OK.
No, let me at least get
you to the crossroads.
You got to keep this
lovely lass safe and sound.
Mama Gosse is gonna
be mighty happy to see you.
Well, here we are.
You just go down around that corner there.
And, uh...
And enjoy yourselves tonight.
All right...
What was that?
OK.
Aaah!
What relation would your father's sister's
sister-in-law be to you?
- Um, OK...
- Your mother!
Bingo!
Hi, Mom.
Ah! Let me get a good look at you.
You look good enough to eat.
Give your mother a big hug.
- Oh!
- Oh!
Oh, it's been too long!
And this gorgeous creature must be Kaitlyn.
I-it's a pleasure to meet you.
Oh, girl, we don't shake hands
around these parts, we hug!
Ah!
- Is this what I think it is?
- It is.
You rat!
Sorry to just spring
it on you, Mrs. Gosse.
Oh, with you two engaged,
I think you best call me
Mama Goose or just Mama.
You got it, Mama.
Well, you certainly
have done well for yourself.
What a beauty!
An actual princess in our midst.
Well, I hope you two are hungry
because I have cooked up a feast.
- Come on!
- Yes!
Yes.
OK, I bet you can't even
guess what it's gonna be.
- Uh, chicken noodle soup?
- Uh, goose soup?
So, it's sort of like a mix
of Christmas and Halloween?
- It looks it, right?
- Mm-hmm.
But it's quite different.
Halloween is about fear,
about scaring away the
ghosts with your costumes,
rewarding those folks with a treat.
In mum me ring, you disguise yourself,
tell a riddle,
and people have to guess who you are.
I got some spares, so
I got a costume for you.
But first...
- I seek weed, and you provide.
- Mama Gosse...
Mmm.
What can I do you for?
Whatever you got me last time
had me singing with the angels.
Ultra Sour Berry, yeah,
I got some right here.
How much are we talking?
Whatever you gave me last time.
- Not going crazy tonight.
- Got it.
I don't drink. I ain't
got the liver for it.
But I do smoke.
Helps me with the pain.
I hope that's not gonna be a problem.
No, i-it's cool. It's cool by me.
I like this girl more and more.
- Ho, ho, ho, ho!
- Ah!
There he is!
Back from the big city! Damn, dude.
- Hey, bro.
- You been working out, or what?
No, any improvements you see in me are
because of my girl, here, Kaitlyn.
Ah. Howdy, ma'am.
It's you.
- It's you.
- Whoa, hey!
Yo, Michael, I think she's more into me.
No, no! Get your hands off that!
Whoa!
What's she doing?
Oh my God!
Oh, thank God!
Warren, what the fuck?
What is going on?
This... this asshole attacked me
and he was dressed as a mummer
and just ripped this right off my neck.
Is this true?
Look, I had nothing to do with it.
Warren?
Is this true?
Look, E-Edith, that's on the house, OK?
I'll get this asshole out of here, OK?
My apologies.
And don't expect me to
open my door to you ever again,
Warren Lancaster.
You're dead to me!
- I'm so sorry.
- I'm good.
I'm good. It's OK.
Don't let one bad apple spoil the bunch.
Of course not, Mama. It's all good.
Those two do all the
dirty work around here.
Whatever you need, they can get.
We don't ask questions.
Maybe we should.
The little ones do the rounds early.
Uh, but I hope Michael warned you,
this is gonna be a late-night affair.
He makes fun of me for it,
but I'm... I came prepared for anything.
She's probably got a
swim suit packed in there.
Wouldn't be the first time
some drunk mummers jumped
in the pond.
You never know!
You know what your problem is, Warren?
You don't ever think.
Man, I don't need you riding my ass too.
You need to be on a leash.
You're a goddamn hypocrite.
Oh yeah? How's that?
You're busting my balls.
You're out planning something a lot worse,
and you didn't even fucking include me?
You know what happen to big mouths?
Your stupid stunt could
have ruined everything.
And for what?
It was some really nice bling
that could have got us a bunch of money.
Maybe a couple grand?
You need to lay low.
- No. No, it's the mummers...
- All night, Warren.
And if I see you...
Fine.
Just stay here, all right?
Get shit-faced.
We'll talk in the morning.
Make sure you close
that door tight behind you.
It's finicky.
Making some Jiggs.
- What's Jiggs?
- Jiggs dinner.
An old Irish dish of
salt beef, spuds, carrots,
cabbage and turnip if you're lucky.
Oh, perfect!
A good, hearty meal
to keep you going strong
for a long, long night.
Oh my...
She means mum me ring.
I do, do I?
Come on.
Look, I would love to freshen up.
It's been a long drive.
Could I use your bathroom?
Of course. Just down the hall.
OK.
Take all the time you need.
There's lots of towels in there
if you want to take a shower.
Thank you, Mrs... Thank you, Mama Gosse.
OK...
So...
- What do you think?
- I think she's priceless.
Chester?
You back?
Jesus!
Chester, man, that's not funny!
I thought, uh, since I
can't take part tonight,
might as well do some work.
And, you know, you can
say all the shit you want,
but Santa even said
that you're cutting him in.
Some freak who hangs
doll's heads on his trailer,
but not your best friend.
Poke your fingers in my eyes,
and I will open wide my jaws.
Linen cloth or paper
my greedy lust devours them all.
What am I?
Really fucking annoying.
Shears.
When did you two meet?
How did it happen?
OK, um, we met about 6 months ago.
I met her at her gym.
He goes to the gym now.
I do go to the gym
now. And you know what?
I think I actually impressed
her because I was there
every day before 6:00 a.m.
Impressed me?
You stalked me.
That sounds about right.
Yeah, because one thing I
learned about Michael is that
you are not a morning person.
OK, that's enough out of you.
Kaitlyn, I'm, uh, I'm
Sofia, Michael's sister.
- It's so nice to meet you.
- You too.
Michael has told me so much about you.
Oh, that's bullshit.
If there's one thing I
know about my brother,
it's that he's full of secrets.
And you're engaged...
Wow! Uh...
Little bastard didn't even tell me!
OK, well, now you know.
Mmm-mmm-mmm!
We're a little rough around the edges.
But, uh, we don't bite.
OK.
Jiggs up!
What? We're not waiting for Bobby?
Oh, if we wait for Bobby,
we'll be eating this next year.
That is Robert, Bobby,
right there on the right.
Oh!
Last time my 3 little
angels were together.
When Bobby gets here, it'll be just like
an old-fashioned Gosse Christmas
almost.
So, how is Bobby doing these days?
Fresh out of jail,
wondering what he's gonna do with his life.
Like a lot of folk around here,
Bobby's had some trouble but,
uh, he's out and he's clean now.
And he's the best he's ever been.
- That's... that's really great.
- Mm-hmm.
He, uh, took it the
hardest when his dad...
When Dad killed himself.
Um...
Yeah, I... I told you he died,
I just didn't tell you how.
After the factory closed,
he was never the same.
I am... so sorry.
Thank you.
I... I lost my mom.
So I know how hard it is.
Sorry.
Well...
I mean, that's what makes
tonight so important, you know?
Everybody gets a chance to be somebody else
and actually have some fun.
- So it begins.
- Oh...
Wow!
What has teeth,
yet does not eat?
I don't know.
What do you mean? You always know.
I don't know it.
No, wait, I got it. I got it.
Um...
A comb?
Very good.
Yes!
Ah! You two better be
really hungry and ready to eat,
because there's lots of food.
Ah, baby!
Ah, I'm glad you're here.
Thanks for having me.
So, Mikey, how you doing?
Um...
This is Kaitlyn.
Hi.
His fiance.
Fiance?
Oh, well, it's nice to have you here.
Nice to be here.
Oh, and this is Taylor.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Taylor is Sofia's girlfriend.
So, congrats, you two.
Thanks. When's the wedding?
And, uh, are we invited?
Of... of course you guys are invited.
We just don't have a date yet.
Right.
Uh, so, for mummer's night,
you just let strangers walk
into your house wearing masks?
Don't you worry about any of that or?
Worry about what?
Well, like, how do you
know if you can trust someone?
That is city thinking.
Everyone around here knows
someone who knows someone.
- Oh.
- Well...
Let's be honest.
There are those old
tales of mummer murders.
No, they're old... they're old stories.
Like people getting bludgeoned
to death over a few dollars.
Hey, that stuff doesn't
happen around here.
All right? Don't worry.
Besides, you're one of ours now, Kaitlyn.
So anyone gives you trouble,
I'll be having a word with them.
Yeah, well, she's already had to deal
with that asshole, Warren.
Warren? What, uh, what did Warren do now?
Nothing you need
worry yourself about now.
Don't need you having
another run-in with the cops.
Oh my God.
No, you always cheat in this game.
I am not a cheater.
Here you go.
Well aren't you a
well-brought-up young lady.
Go fish.
Do you have an eight?
I'm sorry... about your husband.
Michael didn't really tell me much.
Yeah, well, he can be a
bit of a closed book, that one.
- I know.
- Why are you doing this?
Yeah, but you know she's
my daughter too, right?
She was really looking forward to tonight.
Oh, you will? OK.
Well, you know what? You go right ahead.
'Cause I'm gonna hire the
most expensive lawyer there is,
and you'll be lucky to see
Sarah one weekend a month!
Merry Christmas to you too!
Oh boy...
Hey...
- Bobby, why don't you...
- Why don't you fuck off?
Just leave him be.
He'll be OK.
Divorce. Never heard of one
that didn't make the hate worse.
No.
Now, you guys, get going.
I'll clean this up,
take a little disco nap.
And you can come get
me after your first party.
Thanks, Mom.
Are you sure you don't want me to help?
No, you go enjoy the night.
You're the guest of honor, after all.
- OK.
- Oh, but first...
Before I forget...
OK...
your very first mummer costume.
Thank you.
That is so sweet.
May you live as long as you want
and never want as long as you live.
- Ah, boy.
- Ah!
- Oh! OK.
- Wow!
Ta-da!
That is very sexy.
Uh-oh! Have we created a monster?
OK, you two, mum me
ring isn't just about dress-up.
You got to hit them with a riddle.
Oh, so I have to think of a good one.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
Uh... OK, let me think.
Excuse me, sir...
Are you gonna join us
or are you just gonna sit
there all night like a little bitch?
- No, I'm good.
- Yes!
So, where to first?
Chester's?
Mmm! Good idea.
He's always got the best booze.
Mmm!
Yes, I know.
Oh!
OK, I present Chester the molester's.
OK, what is happening here?
It looks like Rudolph
is getting Blitzened.
What is 6 inches long, 2 inches wide,
and everyone goes ca-ca-ca-crazy over?
- We don't know.
- Yeah.
Oh.
A hundred-dollar bill.
Very cute.
You see, of course, 6
inches is nothing compared to...
- OK, Chester, we get it.
- Mm-hmm...
Chester and Sofia used to date.
Oh.
Until Sofia realized she
was made for loving me, baby.
OK, yeah, flavor of the week.
My favorite ever.
Look, you're hot, but we both know
that there's just one thing
that you can't give Sofia.
And it is something very, very big.
Oh yeah?
Yeah.
Whip it out.
- Uh-oh...
- Oh...
I mean, you keep talking
about how massive it is, so, um,
why don't you share it with the world?
Yeah, come on, Chester.
Chester! Chester!
Chester! Chester! Chester! Chester!
- Chester!
- OK.
Yeah, I thought so.
Ah!
Now I am freezing my tits
off, which Sofia loves by the way,
so can we go inside, please?
- Yeah, come on.
- Sucker!
Oh, I got some moves, you know!
OK, look, that's enough.
- Oh no.
- Just stop!
Hey, OK. Buddy, come on.
- Just relax.
- I'm done.
We haven't finished dancing yet.
- Leave her alone, asshole...
- Please...
Oh!
Wow!
Told you guys, Kaitlyn
can take care of herself.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Let's party.
Oh yeah!
Yeah!
Whoo-hoo!
Yeah! Whoo!
Oh my God...
Aaah!
No, 'cause if my phone worked out here,
I could just Google a riddle.
Oh my God! You don't need Google.
This isn't some big pressure thing.
No, I want it to be good.
Come on. Come on.
There's got to be at
least one that you know.
Like something that you can
change, and then make new.
No, even if I did, there's
no way I'd remember.
I mean, I don't even know
Michael's phone number.
Oh my God...
I mean, who memorizes anything anymore?
Oh, that's true. That's true.
Um, OK, OK. OK, I think I have one.
And since we're almost sisters...
We're almost sisters.
I am willing to give it to you.
Are you serious?
I love it!
- OK, I'm gonna do this.
- OK.
I'm gonna... I'm gonna do this.
Wish me luck!
OK, I... am ready... to do this for real.
OK, cool. Go for it.
But I already know who you are.
Well, whatever,
'cause I'm drunk and I
don't really know you,
so you're gonna have to
pretend you don't know me.
OK, fine, drunken mystery woman.
- Who are you?
- Wouldn't you like to know.
I will tell you who I am
if you solve my riddle.
A line in the sand. A woman of principles.
All right. Hit me.
I'm born this way: Wanted by everyone
and cherished until my wedding day.
What am I?
Easy, a virgin.
Uh, yeah, but, like, a mummer virgin,
because this is my first mum me ring.
- Get it?
- Ah!
She's tricky.
I need to keep an eye on you.
Oh, no.
I've got that covered.
Mmm!
Oh, except for earlier
today, right, with Warren?
Where is Warren?
Has anyone seen him?
He's grounded on my orders.
Good, because if I see that fuck...
You will keep walking away, right?
'Cause it's in the past.
- Yes.
- Yes.
- Yes.
- So, now let's go dance.
With my mummer fianc.
OK.
Mikey is not gonna
let her leave his sight.
That's a problem.
It's OK.
I got a solution.
I've had enough of
this bullshit for one year.
Said I had enough.
I am locked inside of a beau,
but you can steal me.
What am I?
A heart...
Good riddle, but, you
know, save it for the ladies.
You, uh, you dating her or stalking her?
Can you blame the guy?
Mikey has hit the jackpot.
OK, yeah, can we please
talk about something else?
What?
She's sweet, she's hot,
and she's rich.
This isn't about her money.
Oh, really?
Because I seem to
remember you going on and on
about how rich her family was.
Now all of a sudden,
money's not important to you
'cause you're in love?
Don't make me regret bringing her here.
You had to introduce her
to the family at some point.
Unless you were planning to
spring us on her at the wedding.
Not if the family fucks things up.
Ugh! We won't, all right? I like her.
She's sweet... for a rich girl.
Jesus. Is money the only
thing you guys talk about?
Have you completely forgotten
what it's like to live in this shithole?
Shithole?
But I feel like that's selling it short.
Mm-hmm...
Oh yeah... no place like it.
Mm-hmm.
Yes!
Actually, it... it reminds me of
your favorite pair of jeans,
you know, with... with the
patches and the crosses.
But they're the ones you just have to wear,
'cause there's, like, nothing better.
Sorry, is that OK?
I... Look, I just... I've
had a lot to drink but,
look, I really, really love it here.
She's a keeper, Michael.
Don't screw this one up.
I don't intend to.
He couldn't get rid of me if he tried.
- Ooh.
- Whoa, OK.
All right, uh, why don't
we go get some air?
- Yeah!
- No, that's cool.
I, uh, I got it.
OK.
OK, well, uh, bedroom's that way.
Cool, thank you. Come on.
Fuck!
Fucking right.
Honestly, I'm... I'm... fine.
I really just need a minute.
I'll be OK.
- Sorry!
- It's OK.
I just need a minute.
- OK?
- Yeah.
What?
I just...
I love seeing where you're from.
You have a real family.
You know?
Like a... a community of people who
look out for each other,
who care for each other.
And
where I'm from, it's all
walls and gated and...
You don't know how good this is.
You know your dad cares about you.
You know, he's called a... a few times.
He's trying.
Right, but the calls
come with conditions.
You know, give up teaching, move back home.
Get into the business.
Dump...
I'm sorry.
Um...
-: I'm sorry.
Dump me.
I mean, I told you. He...
My dad is a terrible person.
He doesn't think I'm good enough.
No one's good enough.
I mean, I'm not good enough.
But I don't care.
I don't.
I like my life.
And I like it even better with you.
I love you.
I love you too.
And so does your family.
Yeah.
It feels more like... resentment.
They took it pretty hard when I left.
Well, now you're back.
- Mm-hmm.
- And you're patching things up.
- Yeah.
- So...
I'm sure they appreciate it.
Fuckers ran off.
Look, let's um...
Let's just go back to the others, OK?
Yeah.
Hey, it was just some jerk-off.
The night is all about crossing lines.
OK, but spying on
us while we're about to...
Well now, here comes I.
It's Johnny Funny!
I'm the man that collects the money,
unless you can solve this riddle.
Look, it's been a long night, buddy.
What tastes better than it smells?
I don't know. What?
A tongue!
Sorry about that.
Uh, you know what?
We should, uh, we should find my mom.
We'll do some mum me ring.
And she kind of rules this place,
so people will be tame around her.
Great. Great.
And then I can spend some
more one-on-one time with her.
OK, and then we'll slip out of here.
Head home.
- Sound good?
- Sounds perfect.
OK.
Mom? We drank all of Chester's finest
and we're here to get you.
Mom?
Well, maybe she already headed out.
No, she told us to meet her here.
Did she leave a note?
Maybe she got confused and
thought we were supposed to
meet her at the bonfire?
Got you!
- You sure did.
- Ah... seriously, Mom?
Don't be so uptight.
It's just people have
been scaring her all night.
Of course! She's new.
Fresh meat!
- You're OK, right?
- I'm... I'm fine.
See?
Nothing I like more than a good sport.
Now, kids, Mama has had her nap.
So try to keep up.
There was a time I was
the last mummer standing,
and I am out to prove that I still got it.
Here we go!
Whoo!
Whoo!
Oh, wow!
Oh shit! Look at you!
Oh my gosh! You look incredible!
I just want to dance!
There he is!
This is so cool!
This is incredible. Wow! Look at you all.
Watch out!
Michael?
Michael?
Michael!
Michael?
Yo!
Why are you following me?
You got a crush on me or something?
Ah...
You probably thought I was
that hottie visiting us, huh?
Well, bud, you might want
to get your eyes checked,
because I do not have
that rich bitch's booty.
Unless
it's a little bit of this
that you want, big boy.
I'm not right but I'm mistaken for true.
People use me as an
enemy disguised as a friend.
What am I?
Huh?
A lie.
Oh Jesus!
Pretty girl!
Look, I... I know scaring
people is part of the fun,
but I've had a really rough night, so
just leave me alone.
Just stop!
We just want to play!
Don't you want to play with us?
We just want to play!
Peekaboo!
Uh... uh d-do you know the Gosse family?
Have you seen the Gosse family?
Have you seen Michael Gosse?
Do you know Edith? Have you seen Edith?
Kaitlyn?
Michael?
Kaitlyn?
Michael! Michael, over here!
Oh God!
I've been looking all over for you.
Are you OK? Did something happen?
Y-yes... no.
These assholes were trying to scare me,
and then they cornered me
and they were just being really, really...
- Who the fuck was it?
- I don't know. Pick.
It could have been anyone.
Look, I'm sorry.
- But tonight's just been...
- A lot.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm from here.
It's been a lot for me too.
You know what?
Look, you... you came out
and you went full mummer.
And my family loves you.
And I... I love you so much
for getting through this with me.
Let's just dip.
OK.
Oh shit!
What is that?
It's spray paint.
A-are you serious?
Someone tagged our car?
It's just some kids being assholes.
How do we get it off?
I don't know.
Maybe rubbing alcohol,
and then scrape it off
after it has loosened up.
Well, how long will that take?
I mean, a couple hours.
I'm sure I can scrounge
something up from somebody here,
and then start working on it.
Be on the road by,
like, 1:00 a.m., 2:00 a.m.
Let's crash with one of your family.
Just no more mum me ring.
OK?
OK, yeah.
Sof said that they had an extra bed
that we can crash on.
Yeah, it's probably for the best.
Yeah, the drive would kill us.
What?
All the other cars are spotless.
Someone doesn't want us to leave.
It's just typical mummer's night pranks.
Pranks?
Three freaks chasing me,
people fucking up our car.
I know.
And I'm sorry, OK?
People take the whole
scaring thing way too far.
OK, well, it's nuts and traumatizing.
And the car thing feels targeted.
Is someone out to get us?
Get us?
Who would be out to
get us? It's just bad luck.
OK?
Hey...
- Come on.
- Mmm.
Oh, you two dirty dogs.
I told her you guys went off to smash.
Just the opposite, actually.
Uh, he can't keep his hands off me.
- Well, can you blame the guy?
- Uh, Taylor?
What? I'm just pointing
out the fact that he traded up.
Way up. Out of his league.
Thank you...
And, uh, she's the sweetest.
That's true.
Uh, we've, uh... we're done for the night.
Yeah.
Yeah, we've just had too much of it all.
We checked out when the
Loogans pulled the brakes
on the Farthings'
trailer and sent it rolling.
You see. More people
doing stupid, dangerous shit
to each other tonight.
Somebody tagged out
windshield with spray paint.
Ah, nothing a little acetone
won't get out in the morning.
Oh, spoken like a true lesbian.
Earlier, I was stalked
by 3 creepy mummer guys.
- Yeah...
- Ah, Jesus, I'm sorry.
Well, this holiday has gone to shit.
OK, let's get inside and
declare this night over.
Tomorrow, we'll be all good,
and this bullshit will be forgotten.
I promise, Kaitlyn, we'll
get you set up with some tea,
get you all nice and cozy and
show you where to sleep, OK?
OK.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
A bit of Mama's Chamomile Rose hip Snoozer.
I couldn't crash without it.
Oh, it's... good.
I know you were
pretty shook up out there.
I think I'm just... tired.
Well, no shit!
Today's been a lot for you.
The non-stop scares
and worst of all, this family.
Wow.
Wow.
You know
probably wasn't the best idea
to bring Kaitlyn to meet the fam
when there's a bunch of
weirdos running around
trying to freak people out.
You need to think next time, Mikey.
Well, a-actually, it was my idea.
Oh, well, I guess
you're stuck paying for it.
Well, mummers night is officially over.
There's a bed in there.
It's all yours.
Why don't you two take a load off
and we'll see you at breakfast.
- Thank you.
- Cool.
It was really nice to meet you, Kaitlyn.
You too. It was lovely to meet you both.
Um, I'll see you in the morning.
Mm-hmm. See you guys. Night.
- Night.
- Night, guys.
All right.
You ready?
I won't be able to sleep.
Ah shit...
Really?
Yeah, but it...
Look, I'll ride it out.
Ah, I just feel terrible.
Don't! I made you bring me.
You know... I kind of like Kaitlyn.
Oh! Oh, is that why
you were so hot just now?
No, Jesus!
She's pretty, she's just not my brand.
I just kind of like, like her, you know?
- Yeah...
- Yeah.
- Yeah, me too.
- Yeah.
She's a good match for Michael.
Hmm.
I kind of feel bad about
what we've got to do.
I'm sorry.
Ugh, I'm sorry, I just
can't seem to stay awake.
Here.
OK.
Oh yeah.
Mmm.
If I pass out, you'll be OK?
Mm-hmm. I've got, uh,
country TV to keep me up.
You're not gonna bail
on me, though, right?
Bail on you?
Sir, you're my ride home.
Yeah...
No, I mean, like
me.
Bigger picture.
Because... you know.
Look...
That bad stuff wasn't you.
- I mean...
- Hmm.
you really think a
few mummer masks and...
awkward family dynamics can scare me off?
I feel...
I feel
weird.
Michael, wake up.
I...
I think...
Oh fuck...
Oh! I didn't think I drank that much.
Kaitlyn?
Kaitlyn, why didn't you wake me up?
Kaitlyn?
Kaitlyn?
Kaitlyn?
Sof!
Where the fuck is everybody?
cash.
We know you can.
That's three hours away.
We know you will.
You're asking the impossible.
Listen to me, one million...
One million in cash before the sun rises.
OK, look, $800,000.
I might be able to get $800,000 right away.
The fucking guy's bargaining.
You listen to me.
You're going to bring us
800 grand, you piece of shit,
and you'll get to see your daughter again.
But if you fuck around in any way,
you're gonna get her back
in pieces, you hear me?
What the fuck are you guys doing?
We're taking a more direct route
than your fucking romantic angle.
- I don't have an angle!
- I'm in love with her for real.
How nice... you're set up for life,
and we're begging you for scraps.
I'm in love with her, you assholes!
- Where is she?
- Relax!
Relax. She's fine.
Oh, fuck you!
Do not tell me to relax, you
fucking jailbird piece of shit.
- Where the fuck is she?
- OK. OK.
I promise you, Michael, no one
wants Kaitlyn to get hurt, OK?
All that shit just now, it's just a threat.
It's the only thing a fucker
like that is gonna understand.
I'm gonna ask you one more time.
Where is she?
Why? Huh?
So you can grab her, run
off and ruin everything?
Look, do you honestly think
that I would just not
take care of you guys?
Both of you and Mom?
No.
No, I don't, because you
you are the king of fucking bailers.
Just who do you think has
been taking care of things
ever since you decided to fuck off, huh?
Yeah, exactly, OK? We have.
So our plan, it goes ahead first.
You'll get your fiance back after.
Then you can run off and marry her,
do whatever the fuck you want to do.
And do you honestly think
that she's gonna trust any of us,
including me, after you fucking drugged her
and held her for ransom?
Where the fuck is my girlfriend, huh?
You simmer the fuck down... all right?
Play nice. Let our plan roll as is.
Then you can sit pretty in your mansion
with your little lady
friend, you stuck-up fuck.
Don't fuck this up, Michael.
This isn't... this isn't
just a score for Bobby,
it's... it's child support.
It's Mom's medical bills.
It's for Dad.
Look, I care about Kaitlyn.
All right, this is not just
a... a move or an act, all right?
I want to spend the
rest of my life with her.
I know you do. I know you do.
But we have way too much riding on this.
So just let it play out,
and then... and then your life is yours.
Things are not gonna go very
well if you mess this up, OK?
Trust me.
Trusting any of you is something
that I will never do again.
Kaitlyn!
Kaitlyn?
No. No.
Please. Please.
Kaitlyn!
- Michael!
- Kaitlyn!
You fucker!
- Hey, hey, are you OK?
- Yeah.
Here, I got you.
There you go.
- You OK?
- I'm OK.
- Look at me. You all right?
- Yeah.
Michael!
Die!
Why would she do this to me?
Are you sure you're OK? You're not hurt?
I will be OK when we
are far away from here.
Where are we going?
Back to your mom's trailer?
No.
Bobby and Sofia might be there.
So? Why is that a problem?
They were a part of all
this? Are you fucking serious?
No, look, I know they are garbage people,
but this is a whole new
level of shit and I am so sorry.
Just stop, OK? Just save that for later.
W-we need to get to a phone
and... and just get the cops here right away.
Yeah.
Are we just gonna walk back to the city?
'Cause that just sounds crazy.
No, no. No, we'll... we'll, uh
we'll... we'll make our
way through the edges,
and then we'll duck into Warren's.
That is the asshole who mugged me, OK?
Yes, yes. But he's got a gun.
OK? And some wheels that we can borrow.
So it's gun time now?
No, no. No, I hope not.
But we should be safe.
OK.
OK...
All right, well, it should
be here somewhere.
Oh my God! Holy...
- What the fuck was that?
- We got to get out of here.
- What the fuck was that, baby?
- We got to get out of here.
Oh! D-d-did your
brother and your sister...
- No.
- Oh my God.
No, God no!
These are drug-dealing assholes
who probably made somebody upset.
Bobby and Sofia are pieces of shit,
but they are not killers.
All right. OK, we just need...
- We need the gun.
- Yeah.
- We need the gun.
- Yes.
- OK.
- OK.
Um...
Fuck!
Fuck! OK, you know what?
Fuck it. Forget the gun.
Forget the gun. We just got to find his...
We got to find the keys to the truck.
OK?
Just the keys?
OK...
Fuck me!
What...
What are you...
Kaitlyn, what are you doing?
Oh my God!
OK.
OK, let's go.
Come on.
Found it.
Come on.
- Hey, hey, hey!
- What?
Look, I know... I know
you don't want to believe it,
but if your brother and
your sister and Taylor
were willing to kidnap me...
Yeah, yeah. I know. I know.
That means they could
have killed those two.
You want me to hold that?
I'm good.
OK.
OK, come on.
Get in.
I don't think so, you murderous bitch!
- Sofia...
- You leave her the fuck alone!
Why don't you leave her
the fuck alone, you psycho!
You killed Taylor!
You drugged us and kidnapped me.
Michael had to kill her
so that I wouldn't end up
like Chester and... and Warren.
What about Chester and Warren?
It is a fucking bloodbath in there!
You killed them too?
I have done a lot of bad in my life,
but I have never come
close to being a murderer
and neither has Bobby.
Lies.
Every single fucking thing
you say is a goddamn lie.
OK.
OK, fine.
But between Michael and I here
who has lied to you the most?
How he just mysteriously met you.
Shut up.
Wh-wh-what is she talking about?
Nothing.
And I bet he had so much
in common with you, right?
Like a fucking unbelievable amount.
And if he could lie that easily
to the woman that he supposedly loves,
well then maybe he could kill too.
Why would Michael kill anyone?
To protect his investment...
You.
You're a smart girl, Kaitlyn.
Yeah, smart enough to know
that you're a fucking lying,
kidnapping bitch who's trying
to squirm her way out of
everything she's done tonight.
That's all she's doing.
When were you gonna
tell your fucking bride-to-be
that you would do absolutely
anything for money, huh?
On the fucking honeymoon?
Everything between us
was so that you could marry
into my father's money?
It was before I got to know you.
It was before I actually got to know you.
- Stop!
- That's fucking bullshit.
You know I love you, right?
You know I fucking love you.
What do you actually
know about him, Kaitlyn?
- I don't know.
- He's a man of secrets.
He's a liar.
And quite possibly, a fucking murderer too.
Any dead bodies that you've found
are because they got in the way
of this dirtbag's big plan.
Think about it!
Warren tries to steal your necklace.
Bam! He's dead.
Chester!
Chester tries to distract him,
so that we could grab you.
Bye, Chester!
No, I was with Michael the whole night.
Are you sure?
Because put on a different mask,
you can become a
completely different person.
Maybe I'm wrong.
But what if I'm right?
Well, it doesn't matter anyways.
Since no one is gonna
see any of that money,
no one gets to talk about it either.
No, just please don't.
Please.
Please.
Come on, Kaitlyn.
You are not exactly
a shoot-the-person-in-the-face type.
Just stop, please.
It's just not how you were raised.
Baby...
No, Sofia! No, Sofia!
No!
Hey, come on. Look at me.
Hey... no...
No...
Oh my God!
Hey, wait!
What my sister said is not true.
Stop the fucking car.
Stop the car!
Please don't be scared of me.
Don't be scared of you?
You're pointing a fucking gun at me.
Please, Kaitlyn, you know me.
Nothing you pretended was you.
You tricked me from the start.
That was before I fell in love with you.
You fell in love with my father's money.
Would I have done that
if I was still lying to you?
Holy fuck. Just everything...
Everything is an angle with you.
Let me prove it to you.
You want to prove it?
Stay here and don't come after me.
Where is our sister?
Huh?
Huh?
Michael, where the fuck is our sister?
You chose this rich bitch
over your own family?
Y-you kill me
murder me,
you will never see your daughter again.
At least this way, there
will be justice for Sofia.
Meeting you, Kaitlyn
caused all of this.
My entire family
is dead
because of you.
Michael...
You're worth more alive.
But still, if you try anything...
Kaitlyn!
Kaitlyn, there's nowhere for you to run!
Wait!
Kaitlyn!
Kaitlyn.
Kaitlyn, please!
Please!
Fuck!
Fuck!
I...
cause tragedy.
Yet I am chased,
and desired most.
What
am I?
A monster.
You're a fucking monster.
No...
I'm love.
No.
You love me.
No.
And we're supposed to
have a great life together.
No.
I would kill for you.
OK, I have... What am I doing?
I have.
Mmm.
I'm glad I did not get that fixed.
Baby...
- Fuck! Fuck!
- Baby, you're stuck with me.
Fuck.
OK, come on, Kaitlyn.
Kaitlyn, open the door.
Enough playing around, Kaitlyn.
Just open the door, or I'm
gonna have to do it the hard way.
Kaitlyn!
Open the fucking door...
- Push it in.
- before I open it myself!
Open the fucking door!
Wiggle it through.
Come on!
And she'll take care of you.
You fucking bitch!
Fuck you!
Oh my God...
Fuck you forever.
Fuck!
Fuck!
Dad?
Kaity?
Just sit tight, and
everything will be OK.
I thought you might like to see
how your former employees have to live now.
Your family worked
at my father's factory?
Yeah.
Michael was smart to
get out when he still could.
Shutting it down destroyed us.
The factory wasn't making any money.
It was nothing personal, just business.
Maybe for you.
I remember
when each of my kids were born.
And now they're all dead!
Along with my husband!
All because of you, I have nothing!
Kaity, it's gonna be OK.
Kaitlyn has nothing to do with this.
My money and me is what you want.
Let my daughter go.
Shut up!
Hand it over.
Put it down.
Slow.
Slowly.
You think this is gonna
solve your problems?
No!
Kaity!
Dad!
Oh no!
Dad! Dad!
Hold on. Hold on one sec.
Oh no!
Aaah!
Closed Captions: MELS
or holiday parties have you been to
that were actually scary?
What?
How scary can a person
wearing a pillow case
and rubber boots be?
I mean, it depends on how drunk they are.
But trust me, you have
never seen anything like this.
Mummer night gets...
It just gets weird as fuck, OK?
Yeah, OK. But I want to
spend real time with your family.
This is a big deal for me.
You will.
OK? For sure.
Well, I'm excited!
Especially with you as my hot tour guide.
There goes the service.
No bars.
This is your last chance.
We can turn around now if you want to.
- If I want?
- Yeah. It's your last chance.
Michael, are you sure you
don't want to turn around?
It's just been so long, you know?
I mean...
You know how family is, right?
It's complicated.
Yeah, tell me about it.
That looked better back in the day.
It, uh, closed down
right before I left.
It kind of fucked the town.
It ruined people.
Gets the job done.
I'm gonna fill her up.
You know you got to go
when you're ready to risk
a gas station bathroom.
- I'll be here, pumping away.
- OK. I'll look for it.
- Love you.
- Love you too.
Ew. No.
"The shitter."
Oh God...
Get the...
Get off me!
Get off me!
- Stop!
- Kaitlyn?
Kaitlyn!
Oh my God!
Hey, what happened?
What happened?
Some guy wearing a
mummer's mask just attacked me.
But did he hurt you?
- Are you OK?
- I'm fine.
I'm fine. I'm just...
He took my necklace.
OK.
You know what? This was a mistake.
- No, it's not.
- No, we should bail. No.
I'm good.
Let's just go back to the car.
- You sure?
- I'm OK.
I'm good.
Come on.
Fucking starter, come on.
- A-are we stuck here?
- No, we're not stuck.
There's just this trick to it, OK? Hold on.
Hold on, you got to just
push it all the way through
and wiggle it all the way to turning.
Michael, you got to get that fixed.
No, this thing doesn't need money.
It just needs a little TLC.
All right?
You know I... I always respect her,
and she...
Oh my God!
she takes care of me.
My mom gave it to me.
I'm sorry.
Let's just go.
- OK.
- OK.
I got you.
Thanks.
Boy, you'll be repaying the favor
at my dad's bougie New Year's brunch, so.
He's not that bad.
They're gonna love you.
OK, no. No, no, no.
It is meet-the-family time, OK?
This place is wild.
Yeah, always was.
But you know what?
I think they moved it around a bit.
Well, they are homes that are mobile...
- Oh.
- So they move.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Thank you.
There used to be this
trailer with AstroTurf
that I would turn right at.
Are we lost?
N-no.
No, we're not lost.
We're... just, uh, turned around a bit.
And there... there's just so
many more homes, you know?
It must be a booming
time for trailer parks.
Right.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
That is really, really creepy.
Yeah.
So, which way is your mom's place?
Hey!
You look familiar somehow.
You're Mama Gosse's boy.
Yeah, I am.
Yeah, I couldn't tell
under them fancy threads.
Well, welcome home.
And welcome to you, young lady.
Michael may be too proud to admit it,
we just... we're a little lost.
- No!
- Could you just show us...
Oh, you forgot about us already?
That's what you get
leaving where you're from.
To be fair, your mama's trailer has moved.
Why don't I show you?
Oh, no.
We're... we're OK.
No, let me at least get
you to the crossroads.
You got to keep this
lovely lass safe and sound.
Mama Gosse is gonna
be mighty happy to see you.
Well, here we are.
You just go down around that corner there.
And, uh...
And enjoy yourselves tonight.
All right...
What was that?
OK.
Aaah!
What relation would your father's sister's
sister-in-law be to you?
- Um, OK...
- Your mother!
Bingo!
Hi, Mom.
Ah! Let me get a good look at you.
You look good enough to eat.
Give your mother a big hug.
- Oh!
- Oh!
Oh, it's been too long!
And this gorgeous creature must be Kaitlyn.
I-it's a pleasure to meet you.
Oh, girl, we don't shake hands
around these parts, we hug!
Ah!
- Is this what I think it is?
- It is.
You rat!
Sorry to just spring
it on you, Mrs. Gosse.
Oh, with you two engaged,
I think you best call me
Mama Goose or just Mama.
You got it, Mama.
Well, you certainly
have done well for yourself.
What a beauty!
An actual princess in our midst.
Well, I hope you two are hungry
because I have cooked up a feast.
- Come on!
- Yes!
Yes.
OK, I bet you can't even
guess what it's gonna be.
- Uh, chicken noodle soup?
- Uh, goose soup?
So, it's sort of like a mix
of Christmas and Halloween?
- It looks it, right?
- Mm-hmm.
But it's quite different.
Halloween is about fear,
about scaring away the
ghosts with your costumes,
rewarding those folks with a treat.
In mum me ring, you disguise yourself,
tell a riddle,
and people have to guess who you are.
I got some spares, so
I got a costume for you.
But first...
- I seek weed, and you provide.
- Mama Gosse...
Mmm.
What can I do you for?
Whatever you got me last time
had me singing with the angels.
Ultra Sour Berry, yeah,
I got some right here.
How much are we talking?
Whatever you gave me last time.
- Not going crazy tonight.
- Got it.
I don't drink. I ain't
got the liver for it.
But I do smoke.
Helps me with the pain.
I hope that's not gonna be a problem.
No, i-it's cool. It's cool by me.
I like this girl more and more.
- Ho, ho, ho, ho!
- Ah!
There he is!
Back from the big city! Damn, dude.
- Hey, bro.
- You been working out, or what?
No, any improvements you see in me are
because of my girl, here, Kaitlyn.
Ah. Howdy, ma'am.
It's you.
- It's you.
- Whoa, hey!
Yo, Michael, I think she's more into me.
No, no! Get your hands off that!
Whoa!
What's she doing?
Oh my God!
Oh, thank God!
Warren, what the fuck?
What is going on?
This... this asshole attacked me
and he was dressed as a mummer
and just ripped this right off my neck.
Is this true?
Look, I had nothing to do with it.
Warren?
Is this true?
Look, E-Edith, that's on the house, OK?
I'll get this asshole out of here, OK?
My apologies.
And don't expect me to
open my door to you ever again,
Warren Lancaster.
You're dead to me!
- I'm so sorry.
- I'm good.
I'm good. It's OK.
Don't let one bad apple spoil the bunch.
Of course not, Mama. It's all good.
Those two do all the
dirty work around here.
Whatever you need, they can get.
We don't ask questions.
Maybe we should.
The little ones do the rounds early.
Uh, but I hope Michael warned you,
this is gonna be a late-night affair.
He makes fun of me for it,
but I'm... I came prepared for anything.
She's probably got a
swim suit packed in there.
Wouldn't be the first time
some drunk mummers jumped
in the pond.
You never know!
You know what your problem is, Warren?
You don't ever think.
Man, I don't need you riding my ass too.
You need to be on a leash.
You're a goddamn hypocrite.
Oh yeah? How's that?
You're busting my balls.
You're out planning something a lot worse,
and you didn't even fucking include me?
You know what happen to big mouths?
Your stupid stunt could
have ruined everything.
And for what?
It was some really nice bling
that could have got us a bunch of money.
Maybe a couple grand?
You need to lay low.
- No. No, it's the mummers...
- All night, Warren.
And if I see you...
Fine.
Just stay here, all right?
Get shit-faced.
We'll talk in the morning.
Make sure you close
that door tight behind you.
It's finicky.
Making some Jiggs.
- What's Jiggs?
- Jiggs dinner.
An old Irish dish of
salt beef, spuds, carrots,
cabbage and turnip if you're lucky.
Oh, perfect!
A good, hearty meal
to keep you going strong
for a long, long night.
Oh my...
She means mum me ring.
I do, do I?
Come on.
Look, I would love to freshen up.
It's been a long drive.
Could I use your bathroom?
Of course. Just down the hall.
OK.
Take all the time you need.
There's lots of towels in there
if you want to take a shower.
Thank you, Mrs... Thank you, Mama Gosse.
OK...
So...
- What do you think?
- I think she's priceless.
Chester?
You back?
Jesus!
Chester, man, that's not funny!
I thought, uh, since I
can't take part tonight,
might as well do some work.
And, you know, you can
say all the shit you want,
but Santa even said
that you're cutting him in.
Some freak who hangs
doll's heads on his trailer,
but not your best friend.
Poke your fingers in my eyes,
and I will open wide my jaws.
Linen cloth or paper
my greedy lust devours them all.
What am I?
Really fucking annoying.
Shears.
When did you two meet?
How did it happen?
OK, um, we met about 6 months ago.
I met her at her gym.
He goes to the gym now.
I do go to the gym
now. And you know what?
I think I actually impressed
her because I was there
every day before 6:00 a.m.
Impressed me?
You stalked me.
That sounds about right.
Yeah, because one thing I
learned about Michael is that
you are not a morning person.
OK, that's enough out of you.
Kaitlyn, I'm, uh, I'm
Sofia, Michael's sister.
- It's so nice to meet you.
- You too.
Michael has told me so much about you.
Oh, that's bullshit.
If there's one thing I
know about my brother,
it's that he's full of secrets.
And you're engaged...
Wow! Uh...
Little bastard didn't even tell me!
OK, well, now you know.
Mmm-mmm-mmm!
We're a little rough around the edges.
But, uh, we don't bite.
OK.
Jiggs up!
What? We're not waiting for Bobby?
Oh, if we wait for Bobby,
we'll be eating this next year.
That is Robert, Bobby,
right there on the right.
Oh!
Last time my 3 little
angels were together.
When Bobby gets here, it'll be just like
an old-fashioned Gosse Christmas
almost.
So, how is Bobby doing these days?
Fresh out of jail,
wondering what he's gonna do with his life.
Like a lot of folk around here,
Bobby's had some trouble but,
uh, he's out and he's clean now.
And he's the best he's ever been.
- That's... that's really great.
- Mm-hmm.
He, uh, took it the
hardest when his dad...
When Dad killed himself.
Um...
Yeah, I... I told you he died,
I just didn't tell you how.
After the factory closed,
he was never the same.
I am... so sorry.
Thank you.
I... I lost my mom.
So I know how hard it is.
Sorry.
Well...
I mean, that's what makes
tonight so important, you know?
Everybody gets a chance to be somebody else
and actually have some fun.
- So it begins.
- Oh...
Wow!
What has teeth,
yet does not eat?
I don't know.
What do you mean? You always know.
I don't know it.
No, wait, I got it. I got it.
Um...
A comb?
Very good.
Yes!
Ah! You two better be
really hungry and ready to eat,
because there's lots of food.
Ah, baby!
Ah, I'm glad you're here.
Thanks for having me.
So, Mikey, how you doing?
Um...
This is Kaitlyn.
Hi.
His fiance.
Fiance?
Oh, well, it's nice to have you here.
Nice to be here.
Oh, and this is Taylor.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Taylor is Sofia's girlfriend.
So, congrats, you two.
Thanks. When's the wedding?
And, uh, are we invited?
Of... of course you guys are invited.
We just don't have a date yet.
Right.
Uh, so, for mummer's night,
you just let strangers walk
into your house wearing masks?
Don't you worry about any of that or?
Worry about what?
Well, like, how do you
know if you can trust someone?
That is city thinking.
Everyone around here knows
someone who knows someone.
- Oh.
- Well...
Let's be honest.
There are those old
tales of mummer murders.
No, they're old... they're old stories.
Like people getting bludgeoned
to death over a few dollars.
Hey, that stuff doesn't
happen around here.
All right? Don't worry.
Besides, you're one of ours now, Kaitlyn.
So anyone gives you trouble,
I'll be having a word with them.
Yeah, well, she's already had to deal
with that asshole, Warren.
Warren? What, uh, what did Warren do now?
Nothing you need
worry yourself about now.
Don't need you having
another run-in with the cops.
Oh my God.
No, you always cheat in this game.
I am not a cheater.
Here you go.
Well aren't you a
well-brought-up young lady.
Go fish.
Do you have an eight?
I'm sorry... about your husband.
Michael didn't really tell me much.
Yeah, well, he can be a
bit of a closed book, that one.
- I know.
- Why are you doing this?
Yeah, but you know she's
my daughter too, right?
She was really looking forward to tonight.
Oh, you will? OK.
Well, you know what? You go right ahead.
'Cause I'm gonna hire the
most expensive lawyer there is,
and you'll be lucky to see
Sarah one weekend a month!
Merry Christmas to you too!
Oh boy...
Hey...
- Bobby, why don't you...
- Why don't you fuck off?
Just leave him be.
He'll be OK.
Divorce. Never heard of one
that didn't make the hate worse.
No.
Now, you guys, get going.
I'll clean this up,
take a little disco nap.
And you can come get
me after your first party.
Thanks, Mom.
Are you sure you don't want me to help?
No, you go enjoy the night.
You're the guest of honor, after all.
- OK.
- Oh, but first...
Before I forget...
OK...
your very first mummer costume.
Thank you.
That is so sweet.
May you live as long as you want
and never want as long as you live.
- Ah, boy.
- Ah!
- Oh! OK.
- Wow!
Ta-da!
That is very sexy.
Uh-oh! Have we created a monster?
OK, you two, mum me
ring isn't just about dress-up.
You got to hit them with a riddle.
Oh, so I have to think of a good one.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
Uh... OK, let me think.
Excuse me, sir...
Are you gonna join us
or are you just gonna sit
there all night like a little bitch?
- No, I'm good.
- Yes!
So, where to first?
Chester's?
Mmm! Good idea.
He's always got the best booze.
Mmm!
Yes, I know.
Oh!
OK, I present Chester the molester's.
OK, what is happening here?
It looks like Rudolph
is getting Blitzened.
What is 6 inches long, 2 inches wide,
and everyone goes ca-ca-ca-crazy over?
- We don't know.
- Yeah.
Oh.
A hundred-dollar bill.
Very cute.
You see, of course, 6
inches is nothing compared to...
- OK, Chester, we get it.
- Mm-hmm...
Chester and Sofia used to date.
Oh.
Until Sofia realized she
was made for loving me, baby.
OK, yeah, flavor of the week.
My favorite ever.
Look, you're hot, but we both know
that there's just one thing
that you can't give Sofia.
And it is something very, very big.
Oh yeah?
Yeah.
Whip it out.
- Uh-oh...
- Oh...
I mean, you keep talking
about how massive it is, so, um,
why don't you share it with the world?
Yeah, come on, Chester.
Chester! Chester!
Chester! Chester! Chester! Chester!
- Chester!
- OK.
Yeah, I thought so.
Ah!
Now I am freezing my tits
off, which Sofia loves by the way,
so can we go inside, please?
- Yeah, come on.
- Sucker!
Oh, I got some moves, you know!
OK, look, that's enough.
- Oh no.
- Just stop!
Hey, OK. Buddy, come on.
- Just relax.
- I'm done.
We haven't finished dancing yet.
- Leave her alone, asshole...
- Please...
Oh!
Wow!
Told you guys, Kaitlyn
can take care of herself.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Let's party.
Oh yeah!
Yeah!
Whoo-hoo!
Yeah! Whoo!
Oh my God...
Aaah!
No, 'cause if my phone worked out here,
I could just Google a riddle.
Oh my God! You don't need Google.
This isn't some big pressure thing.
No, I want it to be good.
Come on. Come on.
There's got to be at
least one that you know.
Like something that you can
change, and then make new.
No, even if I did, there's
no way I'd remember.
I mean, I don't even know
Michael's phone number.
Oh my God...
I mean, who memorizes anything anymore?
Oh, that's true. That's true.
Um, OK, OK. OK, I think I have one.
And since we're almost sisters...
We're almost sisters.
I am willing to give it to you.
Are you serious?
I love it!
- OK, I'm gonna do this.
- OK.
I'm gonna... I'm gonna do this.
Wish me luck!
OK, I... am ready... to do this for real.
OK, cool. Go for it.
But I already know who you are.
Well, whatever,
'cause I'm drunk and I
don't really know you,
so you're gonna have to
pretend you don't know me.
OK, fine, drunken mystery woman.
- Who are you?
- Wouldn't you like to know.
I will tell you who I am
if you solve my riddle.
A line in the sand. A woman of principles.
All right. Hit me.
I'm born this way: Wanted by everyone
and cherished until my wedding day.
What am I?
Easy, a virgin.
Uh, yeah, but, like, a mummer virgin,
because this is my first mum me ring.
- Get it?
- Ah!
She's tricky.
I need to keep an eye on you.
Oh, no.
I've got that covered.
Mmm!
Oh, except for earlier
today, right, with Warren?
Where is Warren?
Has anyone seen him?
He's grounded on my orders.
Good, because if I see that fuck...
You will keep walking away, right?
'Cause it's in the past.
- Yes.
- Yes.
- Yes.
- So, now let's go dance.
With my mummer fianc.
OK.
Mikey is not gonna
let her leave his sight.
That's a problem.
It's OK.
I got a solution.
I've had enough of
this bullshit for one year.
Said I had enough.
I am locked inside of a beau,
but you can steal me.
What am I?
A heart...
Good riddle, but, you
know, save it for the ladies.
You, uh, you dating her or stalking her?
Can you blame the guy?
Mikey has hit the jackpot.
OK, yeah, can we please
talk about something else?
What?
She's sweet, she's hot,
and she's rich.
This isn't about her money.
Oh, really?
Because I seem to
remember you going on and on
about how rich her family was.
Now all of a sudden,
money's not important to you
'cause you're in love?
Don't make me regret bringing her here.
You had to introduce her
to the family at some point.
Unless you were planning to
spring us on her at the wedding.
Not if the family fucks things up.
Ugh! We won't, all right? I like her.
She's sweet... for a rich girl.
Jesus. Is money the only
thing you guys talk about?
Have you completely forgotten
what it's like to live in this shithole?
Shithole?
But I feel like that's selling it short.
Mm-hmm...
Oh yeah... no place like it.
Mm-hmm.
Yes!
Actually, it... it reminds me of
your favorite pair of jeans,
you know, with... with the
patches and the crosses.
But they're the ones you just have to wear,
'cause there's, like, nothing better.
Sorry, is that OK?
I... Look, I just... I've
had a lot to drink but,
look, I really, really love it here.
She's a keeper, Michael.
Don't screw this one up.
I don't intend to.
He couldn't get rid of me if he tried.
- Ooh.
- Whoa, OK.
All right, uh, why don't
we go get some air?
- Yeah!
- No, that's cool.
I, uh, I got it.
OK.
OK, well, uh, bedroom's that way.
Cool, thank you. Come on.
Fuck!
Fucking right.
Honestly, I'm... I'm... fine.
I really just need a minute.
I'll be OK.
- Sorry!
- It's OK.
I just need a minute.
- OK?
- Yeah.
What?
I just...
I love seeing where you're from.
You have a real family.
You know?
Like a... a community of people who
look out for each other,
who care for each other.
And
where I'm from, it's all
walls and gated and...
You don't know how good this is.
You know your dad cares about you.
You know, he's called a... a few times.
He's trying.
Right, but the calls
come with conditions.
You know, give up teaching, move back home.
Get into the business.
Dump...
I'm sorry.
Um...
-: I'm sorry.
Dump me.
I mean, I told you. He...
My dad is a terrible person.
He doesn't think I'm good enough.
No one's good enough.
I mean, I'm not good enough.
But I don't care.
I don't.
I like my life.
And I like it even better with you.
I love you.
I love you too.
And so does your family.
Yeah.
It feels more like... resentment.
They took it pretty hard when I left.
Well, now you're back.
- Mm-hmm.
- And you're patching things up.
- Yeah.
- So...
I'm sure they appreciate it.
Fuckers ran off.
Look, let's um...
Let's just go back to the others, OK?
Yeah.
Hey, it was just some jerk-off.
The night is all about crossing lines.
OK, but spying on
us while we're about to...
Well now, here comes I.
It's Johnny Funny!
I'm the man that collects the money,
unless you can solve this riddle.
Look, it's been a long night, buddy.
What tastes better than it smells?
I don't know. What?
A tongue!
Sorry about that.
Uh, you know what?
We should, uh, we should find my mom.
We'll do some mum me ring.
And she kind of rules this place,
so people will be tame around her.
Great. Great.
And then I can spend some
more one-on-one time with her.
OK, and then we'll slip out of here.
Head home.
- Sound good?
- Sounds perfect.
OK.
Mom? We drank all of Chester's finest
and we're here to get you.
Mom?
Well, maybe she already headed out.
No, she told us to meet her here.
Did she leave a note?
Maybe she got confused and
thought we were supposed to
meet her at the bonfire?
Got you!
- You sure did.
- Ah... seriously, Mom?
Don't be so uptight.
It's just people have
been scaring her all night.
Of course! She's new.
Fresh meat!
- You're OK, right?
- I'm... I'm fine.
See?
Nothing I like more than a good sport.
Now, kids, Mama has had her nap.
So try to keep up.
There was a time I was
the last mummer standing,
and I am out to prove that I still got it.
Here we go!
Whoo!
Whoo!
Oh, wow!
Oh shit! Look at you!
Oh my gosh! You look incredible!
I just want to dance!
There he is!
This is so cool!
This is incredible. Wow! Look at you all.
Watch out!
Michael?
Michael?
Michael!
Michael?
Yo!
Why are you following me?
You got a crush on me or something?
Ah...
You probably thought I was
that hottie visiting us, huh?
Well, bud, you might want
to get your eyes checked,
because I do not have
that rich bitch's booty.
Unless
it's a little bit of this
that you want, big boy.
I'm not right but I'm mistaken for true.
People use me as an
enemy disguised as a friend.
What am I?
Huh?
A lie.
Oh Jesus!
Pretty girl!
Look, I... I know scaring
people is part of the fun,
but I've had a really rough night, so
just leave me alone.
Just stop!
We just want to play!
Don't you want to play with us?
We just want to play!
Peekaboo!
Uh... uh d-do you know the Gosse family?
Have you seen the Gosse family?
Have you seen Michael Gosse?
Do you know Edith? Have you seen Edith?
Kaitlyn?
Michael?
Kaitlyn?
Michael! Michael, over here!
Oh God!
I've been looking all over for you.
Are you OK? Did something happen?
Y-yes... no.
These assholes were trying to scare me,
and then they cornered me
and they were just being really, really...
- Who the fuck was it?
- I don't know. Pick.
It could have been anyone.
Look, I'm sorry.
- But tonight's just been...
- A lot.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm from here.
It's been a lot for me too.
You know what?
Look, you... you came out
and you went full mummer.
And my family loves you.
And I... I love you so much
for getting through this with me.
Let's just dip.
OK.
Oh shit!
What is that?
It's spray paint.
A-are you serious?
Someone tagged our car?
It's just some kids being assholes.
How do we get it off?
I don't know.
Maybe rubbing alcohol,
and then scrape it off
after it has loosened up.
Well, how long will that take?
I mean, a couple hours.
I'm sure I can scrounge
something up from somebody here,
and then start working on it.
Be on the road by,
like, 1:00 a.m., 2:00 a.m.
Let's crash with one of your family.
Just no more mum me ring.
OK?
OK, yeah.
Sof said that they had an extra bed
that we can crash on.
Yeah, it's probably for the best.
Yeah, the drive would kill us.
What?
All the other cars are spotless.
Someone doesn't want us to leave.
It's just typical mummer's night pranks.
Pranks?
Three freaks chasing me,
people fucking up our car.
I know.
And I'm sorry, OK?
People take the whole
scaring thing way too far.
OK, well, it's nuts and traumatizing.
And the car thing feels targeted.
Is someone out to get us?
Get us?
Who would be out to
get us? It's just bad luck.
OK?
Hey...
- Come on.
- Mmm.
Oh, you two dirty dogs.
I told her you guys went off to smash.
Just the opposite, actually.
Uh, he can't keep his hands off me.
- Well, can you blame the guy?
- Uh, Taylor?
What? I'm just pointing
out the fact that he traded up.
Way up. Out of his league.
Thank you...
And, uh, she's the sweetest.
That's true.
Uh, we've, uh... we're done for the night.
Yeah.
Yeah, we've just had too much of it all.
We checked out when the
Loogans pulled the brakes
on the Farthings'
trailer and sent it rolling.
You see. More people
doing stupid, dangerous shit
to each other tonight.
Somebody tagged out
windshield with spray paint.
Ah, nothing a little acetone
won't get out in the morning.
Oh, spoken like a true lesbian.
Earlier, I was stalked
by 3 creepy mummer guys.
- Yeah...
- Ah, Jesus, I'm sorry.
Well, this holiday has gone to shit.
OK, let's get inside and
declare this night over.
Tomorrow, we'll be all good,
and this bullshit will be forgotten.
I promise, Kaitlyn, we'll
get you set up with some tea,
get you all nice and cozy and
show you where to sleep, OK?
OK.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
A bit of Mama's Chamomile Rose hip Snoozer.
I couldn't crash without it.
Oh, it's... good.
I know you were
pretty shook up out there.
I think I'm just... tired.
Well, no shit!
Today's been a lot for you.
The non-stop scares
and worst of all, this family.
Wow.
Wow.
You know
probably wasn't the best idea
to bring Kaitlyn to meet the fam
when there's a bunch of
weirdos running around
trying to freak people out.
You need to think next time, Mikey.
Well, a-actually, it was my idea.
Oh, well, I guess
you're stuck paying for it.
Well, mummers night is officially over.
There's a bed in there.
It's all yours.
Why don't you two take a load off
and we'll see you at breakfast.
- Thank you.
- Cool.
It was really nice to meet you, Kaitlyn.
You too. It was lovely to meet you both.
Um, I'll see you in the morning.
Mm-hmm. See you guys. Night.
- Night.
- Night, guys.
All right.
You ready?
I won't be able to sleep.
Ah shit...
Really?
Yeah, but it...
Look, I'll ride it out.
Ah, I just feel terrible.
Don't! I made you bring me.
You know... I kind of like Kaitlyn.
Oh! Oh, is that why
you were so hot just now?
No, Jesus!
She's pretty, she's just not my brand.
I just kind of like, like her, you know?
- Yeah...
- Yeah.
- Yeah, me too.
- Yeah.
She's a good match for Michael.
Hmm.
I kind of feel bad about
what we've got to do.
I'm sorry.
Ugh, I'm sorry, I just
can't seem to stay awake.
Here.
OK.
Oh yeah.
Mmm.
If I pass out, you'll be OK?
Mm-hmm. I've got, uh,
country TV to keep me up.
You're not gonna bail
on me, though, right?
Bail on you?
Sir, you're my ride home.
Yeah...
No, I mean, like
me.
Bigger picture.
Because... you know.
Look...
That bad stuff wasn't you.
- I mean...
- Hmm.
you really think a
few mummer masks and...
awkward family dynamics can scare me off?
I feel...
I feel
weird.
Michael, wake up.
I...
I think...
Oh fuck...
Oh! I didn't think I drank that much.
Kaitlyn?
Kaitlyn, why didn't you wake me up?
Kaitlyn?
Kaitlyn?
Kaitlyn?
Sof!
Where the fuck is everybody?
cash.
We know you can.
That's three hours away.
We know you will.
You're asking the impossible.
Listen to me, one million...
One million in cash before the sun rises.
OK, look, $800,000.
I might be able to get $800,000 right away.
The fucking guy's bargaining.
You listen to me.
You're going to bring us
800 grand, you piece of shit,
and you'll get to see your daughter again.
But if you fuck around in any way,
you're gonna get her back
in pieces, you hear me?
What the fuck are you guys doing?
We're taking a more direct route
than your fucking romantic angle.
- I don't have an angle!
- I'm in love with her for real.
How nice... you're set up for life,
and we're begging you for scraps.
I'm in love with her, you assholes!
- Where is she?
- Relax!
Relax. She's fine.
Oh, fuck you!
Do not tell me to relax, you
fucking jailbird piece of shit.
- Where the fuck is she?
- OK. OK.
I promise you, Michael, no one
wants Kaitlyn to get hurt, OK?
All that shit just now, it's just a threat.
It's the only thing a fucker
like that is gonna understand.
I'm gonna ask you one more time.
Where is she?
Why? Huh?
So you can grab her, run
off and ruin everything?
Look, do you honestly think
that I would just not
take care of you guys?
Both of you and Mom?
No.
No, I don't, because you
you are the king of fucking bailers.
Just who do you think has
been taking care of things
ever since you decided to fuck off, huh?
Yeah, exactly, OK? We have.
So our plan, it goes ahead first.
You'll get your fiance back after.
Then you can run off and marry her,
do whatever the fuck you want to do.
And do you honestly think
that she's gonna trust any of us,
including me, after you fucking drugged her
and held her for ransom?
Where the fuck is my girlfriend, huh?
You simmer the fuck down... all right?
Play nice. Let our plan roll as is.
Then you can sit pretty in your mansion
with your little lady
friend, you stuck-up fuck.
Don't fuck this up, Michael.
This isn't... this isn't
just a score for Bobby,
it's... it's child support.
It's Mom's medical bills.
It's for Dad.
Look, I care about Kaitlyn.
All right, this is not just
a... a move or an act, all right?
I want to spend the
rest of my life with her.
I know you do. I know you do.
But we have way too much riding on this.
So just let it play out,
and then... and then your life is yours.
Things are not gonna go very
well if you mess this up, OK?
Trust me.
Trusting any of you is something
that I will never do again.
Kaitlyn!
Kaitlyn?
No. No.
Please. Please.
Kaitlyn!
- Michael!
- Kaitlyn!
You fucker!
- Hey, hey, are you OK?
- Yeah.
Here, I got you.
There you go.
- You OK?
- I'm OK.
- Look at me. You all right?
- Yeah.
Michael!
Die!
Why would she do this to me?
Are you sure you're OK? You're not hurt?
I will be OK when we
are far away from here.
Where are we going?
Back to your mom's trailer?
No.
Bobby and Sofia might be there.
So? Why is that a problem?
They were a part of all
this? Are you fucking serious?
No, look, I know they are garbage people,
but this is a whole new
level of shit and I am so sorry.
Just stop, OK? Just save that for later.
W-we need to get to a phone
and... and just get the cops here right away.
Yeah.
Are we just gonna walk back to the city?
'Cause that just sounds crazy.
No, no. No, we'll... we'll, uh
we'll... we'll make our
way through the edges,
and then we'll duck into Warren's.
That is the asshole who mugged me, OK?
Yes, yes. But he's got a gun.
OK? And some wheels that we can borrow.
So it's gun time now?
No, no. No, I hope not.
But we should be safe.
OK.
OK...
All right, well, it should
be here somewhere.
Oh my God! Holy...
- What the fuck was that?
- We got to get out of here.
- What the fuck was that, baby?
- We got to get out of here.
Oh! D-d-did your
brother and your sister...
- No.
- Oh my God.
No, God no!
These are drug-dealing assholes
who probably made somebody upset.
Bobby and Sofia are pieces of shit,
but they are not killers.
All right. OK, we just need...
- We need the gun.
- Yeah.
- We need the gun.
- Yes.
- OK.
- OK.
Um...
Fuck!
Fuck! OK, you know what?
Fuck it. Forget the gun.
Forget the gun. We just got to find his...
We got to find the keys to the truck.
OK?
Just the keys?
OK...
Fuck me!
What...
What are you...
Kaitlyn, what are you doing?
Oh my God!
OK.
OK, let's go.
Come on.
Found it.
Come on.
- Hey, hey, hey!
- What?
Look, I know... I know
you don't want to believe it,
but if your brother and
your sister and Taylor
were willing to kidnap me...
Yeah, yeah. I know. I know.
That means they could
have killed those two.
You want me to hold that?
I'm good.
OK.
OK, come on.
Get in.
I don't think so, you murderous bitch!
- Sofia...
- You leave her the fuck alone!
Why don't you leave her
the fuck alone, you psycho!
You killed Taylor!
You drugged us and kidnapped me.
Michael had to kill her
so that I wouldn't end up
like Chester and... and Warren.
What about Chester and Warren?
It is a fucking bloodbath in there!
You killed them too?
I have done a lot of bad in my life,
but I have never come
close to being a murderer
and neither has Bobby.
Lies.
Every single fucking thing
you say is a goddamn lie.
OK.
OK, fine.
But between Michael and I here
who has lied to you the most?
How he just mysteriously met you.
Shut up.
Wh-wh-what is she talking about?
Nothing.
And I bet he had so much
in common with you, right?
Like a fucking unbelievable amount.
And if he could lie that easily
to the woman that he supposedly loves,
well then maybe he could kill too.
Why would Michael kill anyone?
To protect his investment...
You.
You're a smart girl, Kaitlyn.
Yeah, smart enough to know
that you're a fucking lying,
kidnapping bitch who's trying
to squirm her way out of
everything she's done tonight.
That's all she's doing.
When were you gonna
tell your fucking bride-to-be
that you would do absolutely
anything for money, huh?
On the fucking honeymoon?
Everything between us
was so that you could marry
into my father's money?
It was before I got to know you.
It was before I actually got to know you.
- Stop!
- That's fucking bullshit.
You know I love you, right?
You know I fucking love you.
What do you actually
know about him, Kaitlyn?
- I don't know.
- He's a man of secrets.
He's a liar.
And quite possibly, a fucking murderer too.
Any dead bodies that you've found
are because they got in the way
of this dirtbag's big plan.
Think about it!
Warren tries to steal your necklace.
Bam! He's dead.
Chester!
Chester tries to distract him,
so that we could grab you.
Bye, Chester!
No, I was with Michael the whole night.
Are you sure?
Because put on a different mask,
you can become a
completely different person.
Maybe I'm wrong.
But what if I'm right?
Well, it doesn't matter anyways.
Since no one is gonna
see any of that money,
no one gets to talk about it either.
No, just please don't.
Please.
Please.
Come on, Kaitlyn.
You are not exactly
a shoot-the-person-in-the-face type.
Just stop, please.
It's just not how you were raised.
Baby...
No, Sofia! No, Sofia!
No!
Hey, come on. Look at me.
Hey... no...
No...
Oh my God!
Hey, wait!
What my sister said is not true.
Stop the fucking car.
Stop the car!
Please don't be scared of me.
Don't be scared of you?
You're pointing a fucking gun at me.
Please, Kaitlyn, you know me.
Nothing you pretended was you.
You tricked me from the start.
That was before I fell in love with you.
You fell in love with my father's money.
Would I have done that
if I was still lying to you?
Holy fuck. Just everything...
Everything is an angle with you.
Let me prove it to you.
You want to prove it?
Stay here and don't come after me.
Where is our sister?
Huh?
Huh?
Michael, where the fuck is our sister?
You chose this rich bitch
over your own family?
Y-you kill me
murder me,
you will never see your daughter again.
At least this way, there
will be justice for Sofia.
Meeting you, Kaitlyn
caused all of this.
My entire family
is dead
because of you.
Michael...
You're worth more alive.
But still, if you try anything...
Kaitlyn!
Kaitlyn, there's nowhere for you to run!
Wait!
Kaitlyn!
Kaitlyn.
Kaitlyn, please!
Please!
Fuck!
Fuck!
I...
cause tragedy.
Yet I am chased,
and desired most.
What
am I?
A monster.
You're a fucking monster.
No...
I'm love.
No.
You love me.
No.
And we're supposed to
have a great life together.
No.
I would kill for you.
OK, I have... What am I doing?
I have.
Mmm.
I'm glad I did not get that fixed.
Baby...
- Fuck! Fuck!
- Baby, you're stuck with me.
Fuck.
OK, come on, Kaitlyn.
Kaitlyn, open the door.
Enough playing around, Kaitlyn.
Just open the door, or I'm
gonna have to do it the hard way.
Kaitlyn!
Open the fucking door...
- Push it in.
- before I open it myself!
Open the fucking door!
Wiggle it through.
Come on!
And she'll take care of you.
You fucking bitch!
Fuck you!
Oh my God...
Fuck you forever.
Fuck!
Fuck!
Dad?
Kaity?
Just sit tight, and
everything will be OK.
I thought you might like to see
how your former employees have to live now.
Your family worked
at my father's factory?
Yeah.
Michael was smart to
get out when he still could.
Shutting it down destroyed us.
The factory wasn't making any money.
It was nothing personal, just business.
Maybe for you.
I remember
when each of my kids were born.
And now they're all dead!
Along with my husband!
All because of you, I have nothing!
Kaity, it's gonna be OK.
Kaitlyn has nothing to do with this.
My money and me is what you want.
Let my daughter go.
Shut up!
Hand it over.
Put it down.
Slow.
Slowly.
You think this is gonna
solve your problems?
No!
Kaity!
Dad!
Oh no!
Dad! Dad!
Hold on. Hold on one sec.
Oh no!
Aaah!
Closed Captions: MELS