Guitar Lessons (2022) Movie Script
1
Ray here.
Weren't we just in
there on Tuesday?
What about six of fourteen?
The kid I just hired. No.
Skid him.
I'll find Ernie.
Say again.
I don't have a rubber tire
hoe anymore, do I?
That went to Ritchie Brothers.
Can't you get a small
track hoe in there?
Alright, make it work.
K. Bye.
Are you Ray Mitchell?
You used to be a
guitar player, right?
You're the guy.
Am I?
I think so.
What are you asking for
if you know so much?
Are you him?
Do we know each other?
No.
So what's that make us?
You don't start a conversation
with a stranger
by asking direct
personal questions.
When you're talking to strangers
you start with some kind of
statement of the obvious,
like, "What a beautiful morning"
Or some useless bit
of information like,
"Hey, my name's Matador".
My name's not Matador.
Missed the point entirely.
I thought everybody learned
guitar off YouTube these days.
Did you?
No.
Who taught you?
Mr. Dumas.
Who's he?
Schoolteacher.
Where?
Dixonville.
He still there?
No idea.
But he'd be old as
the hills if he was.
Why did he do it?
Do what?
Why did he give you
guitar lessons?
I don't know.
Did you ask him?
I did, actually.
And he said yes.
He did.
But now you're saying no.
Well, you don't say yes to
something just because
somebody else said yes to
something a long time ago.
Listen, kid.
I don't play guitar anymore.
I don't give lessons.
I don't give rides.
You just happened to
be in the way today.
But it's not something you
forget, right? Playing guitar.
No. It's not.
So why don't you play anymore?
Listen, forget about
Eddie Van Halen.
Forget about Eruption.
Forget about what the
idiots on YouTube say.
Learn your chords.
Learn C, F and G.
It all starts from there.
The rest comes later.
It'll sound like hell
to start with.
Don't worry about it.
Don't quit.
Calluses come, blisters
might come.
Your fingerprints
start wearing off.
Really?
Yeah, but don't quit, because
somewhere around there
it starts to sound half decent,
because the strings
stop buzzing and it almost
sounds like it's supposed to.
But start simple.
Don't start with
Johnny B. Goode.
Start with, uh,
"99 Bottles of Beer
on the Wall".
What?
"Home on the range".
Don't you know anything cool?
You heard of Leon Redbone?
Cab Calloway?
Louis Armstrong? Merle Haggard?
Some of those guys, yeah.
Yeah, well, if some snot-nosed
kid from Paddle Prairie's
heard of them, they're
probably pretty cool, right?
I guess so.
You know what those guys
all had in common?
They're old and dead?
Yeah.
Yeah, they're old and dead.
But before they died,
they all had a hit with
the same simple song.
It's got three chords.
C, F and G.
What's it called?
It's called "I Ain't
Got Nobody".
Alright, get out of here.
I got things to do.
Alright.
Stop right there, white man.
You colonizer.
You land stealing
son of a bitch.
I know why you're here.
You're here to take my wife.
Like you haven't taken
enough from me already.
My land, my dignity,
my radio bingo cards.
Ernie, that's your sister.
Have you no shame?
You'd even steal
our sisters, too?
One more step, mniyw,
and I'm jumping in this lake.
You don't know to swim,
do you, white man?
You never got your
badges in the
High Level Memorial
Aquatic Centre.
You know, on Paddle Prairie,
we just throw our
kids in the river.
It's more of a
sink-or-swim situation.
Stop I tell you!
You know I can out-swim you,
you fur-trading bastard.
It's colonizers like you
that made us Metis.
Watering down our bloodline so
we don't get drunk at weddings.
You going to let me talk, or
just keep up the comedy routine?
I know why you're here.
You want me to go to work.
That's all you guys
can think about.
You never stop and
smell the muskeg.
We got a problem
up the Chinchaga.
You know, the Chinchaga
was a beautiful place.
Traditionally, our people
would just ride quads around,
eating chips, drinking pop.
And then you guys
showed up and started
drilling holes in Mother Earth.
And now she's pissed.
Well, I got a perforated
condensate lying
eight feet underground.
A young kid clipped it
with a bucket last night.
Ah, you don't say.
Must have been a NAIT graduate,
Was he wearing a
hard hat at the time?
Do you need to
write this up, Ray?
You like hiring those
NAIT graduates.
Or maybe it was the
Filipinos you're hiring,
stealing all the jobs from
the Indigenous people.
I'm here trying to give
you a job, Ernie.
Not take one away.
A thousand a day and
free hotel rooms.
It's a one day job. You'd
be home by dark.
Shh.
A few nights at the
Flamingo Hotel.
And some spending money.
I'll split the winnings
with you, Ray
Like last time.
Ah, it wasn't my
fault last time.
There was a fat Korean
sitting at my lucky machine.
I told you, we can't
take down the tree.
Why not?
It's outside the
lease perimeter.
It's on Dene land.
Oh, that's not good.
Us Crees have been
fighting with the Dene
ever since we crossed
that ice bridge.
I thought you were a Beaver.
I'm racially fluid.
Well, we got to squeeze
the hoe into a tight spot
and excavate the perf--
Hey, you know what?
I've been squeezing hoes ever
since I was in grade seven.
We got to squeeze the
hoe into a tight spot
and excavate the
perforated pipe.
Boss, are you talking
dirty to me?
You know, I could
report you for
inappropriate workplace
behaviour.
Speaking of which,
there's going to be an
environmental inspector
on site today.
Oh good, you mean that
blonde one from Valleyview?
Man, I'd love to show her
my perforated pipe.
You are going to
take this seriously
when we get there, right?
Of course, boss.
I'm a professional.
I'm a professional Metis
hoe squeezer
with a perforated pipe.
Veronica? Ray Mitchell.
Yes, we've met.
This is Ernie Ghostkeeper,
our superintendent of safety.
Mr. Ghostkeeper, as a
superintendent of safety,
you must be aware of the
need to wear a hard hat.
Ernie, tha--
That's not necessary.
What is he saying?
He's suggesting we do
a land acknowledgment.
Oh, yes. Yes, of
course. Thank you.
How do we...
Okay.
Oh.
Maybe you could go start your
hoe now, Mr. Ghostkeeper.
Wait. Come, both of you.
Can you please tell
him that this tree
is not on the oil
company lease?
It is in fact on disputed
land claim territory,
and the Cultural Advisory Panel
for Indigenous Exploration
has suggested it might be
on a sacred burial
site.
So at all costs we must protect
the integrity of the tree.
Can you tell him that?
He's really quite remarkable.
You have no idea.
I didn't know they
did that little.
They don't.
Whoopsie.
What are
you going to do when she finds
out you speak English?
Oh, that's easy.
I speak English on
colonized land,
but on pure Mother Earth,
I speak the language
of my ancestors.
You know, that'll
probably work.
Ernest, I don't want to
give it to you all in cash
and all the same time.
Never mind, Hudson's Bay man.
Show me the money.
All of it.
After four days, whatever
I have more than this,
I'm going to split
with you, boss.
We both know what's going
to be left after four days.
My good sir, you
are a pessimist.
Don't you think it's time
you quit the slots?
You know, Raymond,
the funny thing about time
is you mniyws,
you have all the watches.
But us Indians,
we have all the time.
Where's my guitar?
That's my guitar.
$20? Seriously?
She can't pawn my stuff.
That's my guitar.
Possession.
Nine-tenths of the law.
You're a bootlegger.
What do you know about the law?
Let's pretend what
you say is true.
Who knows more about
the law than an outlaw?
I want my guitar back.
What do you got to pawn?
I admire
how you're able to just turn off
your English
speaking abilities whenever
you are on sacred land.
Mm.
Like everything, Veronica,
it takes sacrifice.
I assume you're treaty?
We're all treaty, baby.
You're treaty, too.
You're too generous.
I could listen to you speak your
own language all day long.
There's something so...
earthen about it.
Table and chairs got to be
worth as much as my guitar.
Plus, that old basketball
you got in there.
Hello Ray. It's Eldon
here.
I just wanted to check
in on you and
see if you've heard,
Ray. Our old
bandmate, Lester,
has passed away.
Succumbed to his
illnesses, as they say.
I just heard. I
guess it happened
a couple months ago.
And I asked about
that old archtop
that you and he
used to fight over,
the S.S. Stewart, and was
a little surprised to find
he still had it, but,
his instructions were to
give it to some kid from
up in your neck of
the woods, which is
a bit of a mystery unto itself.
I thought you might
want to dig around
and get your hands on
it before it became
firewood, or something worse,
and if you don't want it, then
go get it for me.
One of us should
maybe have it.
That's all I got. I'm in North
Carolina tonight. I'm out with
Dwight Yoakam again,
playing the never-ending string
of Indian casinos. Call
me sometime, you prick.
Bye.
Where did you get
that guitar from?
I was thinking that if I
give you guitar lessons,
how are you going to pay?
I'll pay.
Yeah, I've known too
many guitar players.
You know how to chop wood?
Yeah.
Well, my time's definitely
worth more than your time,
wouldn't you say?
Maybe.
I'll tell you what.
For every two hours of
wood chopping I'll give you
one hour of guitar lessons.
Okay.
Yeah?
You know where I live?
I think so.
How about Saturday morning?
First thing.
Okay.
Okay.
I'll see you then.
That's an $80 axe.
Are you seriously this useless?
Morning, Denise.
Morning, asshole.
Nice, Denise.
I assume you're here looking
for ways to hide your money?
I have an appointment actually.
With...?
The new banker.
I need a name, dickweed.
According to the email, he's
got the same name as I do.
Dickweed?
Honestly, woman, I don't
have time for this.
Don't I know it.
Too busy with your whores.
Here's the irony, Denise.
Once a man gets rich and
can afford to pay for it,
women line up
to give it to him.
If there weren't cameras
here, I'd slap you so hard
you woke up in Wabasca.
Mr. Mitchell.
I'm Raye, Rayleen.
Shall we go to my office?
Would you like a coffee?
I would, actually.
Denise, can you
get Mr. Mitchell
a coffee, please?
Oh. Oh, yes, of course.
It'd be my pleasure.
It's
just that you have a
considerable amount of liquidity
which isn't earning much.
I'd like to help put that
capital to work for you.
I like putting men
to work, not capital.
Well, sexist overtones aside...
You are an intelligent man
and aware of the
concept of interest.
I've never claimed to
be an intelligent man,
and I'm not interested
in interest.
I like making my money
by doing something.
I understand.
That said, while it's sitting
here, it's almost
irresponsible not to...
Irresponsible not to give
the control of my money
over to a banker?
Perhaps I used the wrong word.
Are you uncomfortable with
my bank balance here, Miss?
You assume I'm a Miss.
Yeah, I do.
Well, you know what they
say about assumptions.
I don't know what they say.
I know what the word
"assumption" means.
I looked it up when they
changed the name to Chatay.
One meaning's to take
possession of something.
The other is to take
a notion for granted.
I had no idea High Level
oilfield contractors
could be so literate.
I had no idea Edmonton
bankers can be such bitches.
Excuse me?
Look it up.
B I T C H.
Means malicious, spiteful,
overbearing woman.
There's another meaning, but
I'm assuming you're not a--
I think we're done here.
Before I go, just tell me--
are you married?
Oh, Mr. Mitchell,
that is certainly none
of your business.
Guess I assumed right.
Welcome to High Level, Miss.
Are you Leland's father?
I'm his...
I brought him in.
Okay, you can see him now.
Hey.
Hey.
How's the leg?
It's good.
How many stitches?
I don't know.
Let's find out.
Are you allowed to do that?
Probably not.
Count the stitches.
What?
You heard me.
There's eight.
That's what I count, too.
So you can count.
I can count.
Guess I was wrong about you.
About what?
When I called you useless.
Look,
90% of anything is
just showing up.
You know what you want and
you're man enough to ask for it.
When given a chance,
you show up.
Show Dog.
That's what I'm
going to call you.
what?
The stray dog that just
keeps showing up.
Hey, plus I can count.
Plus you can count.
Please accept my
apology, Show Dog.
I've made two mistakes
about you.
What mistakes?
First I called you useless
when we've just
established that you're not.
Second, I left an inexperienced
operator alone with machinery.
So this is basically
all your fault.
Fast learner.
How long you in here for?
I'm not sure, but the
food's pretty good.
You think hospital food's good?
Well, I'll come check in
on you tomorrow.
and see if your sense of taste
has come back.
Alright.
Bye.
Bye.
Excuse me.
I need you to sign some forms in
order to keep Leland overnight.
I'm not his father.
I know.
I spoke with the boy's
mother on the phone.
She and I are both unsure as to
what your relationship
is with the boy.
I'm his guitar teacher.
So this accident happened
during a guitar lesson?
Not exactly. Sort of.
It's a pretty severe wound.
I just need some
information in order to
fill out the admission forms.
Well, he was chopping
wood with a broken axe.
I'm guessing he missed
the block and cut his shin.
So it was unrelated
to the guitar lessons?
Yes and no.
That's how he pays for the
lessons, chopping wood.
I see.
And these lessons,
along with the accident--
they took place on
your property?
My home, yes.
In the description just now,
you used the word "guessing".
So you weren't there
at the time of the accident?
Are you a nurse or a cop?
I'm a nurse, sir.
But you appreciate I
need this information
in order to fill out the forms.
Alright. But I don't
have a form to fill out.
So you fill out the form,
and I'm going to go do
the things I gotta do.
Okay?
Can I help you?
Yeah, here to pick
up young Leland.
See if he's ready to
get out of here.
Leland was discharged
earlier this morning.
Really?
Ray here.
Okay.
Okay.
That's something that needs
to be done today, is it?
No, but Felix is available.
Okay.
Alright.
You want steel or
cement pilings?
Hey Ray, it's Monique.
Um...
Just wanted to say hi, and
uh, see what you were doing.
So, uh... Text me, K?
Ray, there's a strange
man in our shop.
Who?
Hello Bruiser.
Tansi, Raymond.
Stop by my house later?
Yeah, I'll finish up here.
I'll be right over.
They wanted him to take
them to your house.
Show them where
the good stuff was.
He wouldn't tell them anything.
He's been sleeping
in my smokehouse
the last couple months.
He thinks I don't know.
That's where I found him.
Says you're his guitar teacher.
You know, that's Lester's
guitar he's packing around?
I recognized it from the road.
Is he Lester's kid?
He called him uncle, but...
Lester had a handwritten will.
Only thing it said was that
boy was to get his guitar.
What do you want
me to do, Bruiser?
Whoa, cowboy.
I could say the same to you.
Well he's not my kid.
He's nobody's.
But he likes you.
His mom is a nice
girl, but she's...
busy.
Kokum lives in Fort Vermillion.
Eloise?
Eloise is too old for
a boy that age.
I could phone social
services, but...
usually the smokehouse
is the better option.
And out of the blue,
he mentions you.
The kids that beat him
live at his mom's house.
His own cousins.
We could call the cops...
but you know where that leads.
I'm not exactly a
straight arrow, Bruiser.
You
think I came to you because
you're a straight arrow?
I have no idea why
you came to me.
Pretty simple, Raymond.
What's the only thing that's
ever helped a rotten kid?
Guitar lessons.
Where would you be if
you hadn't had some?
I swear you two are
working together.
Well,
maybe we are.
Lessons start tomorrow
at eight.
If he's there, great.
If not, no problem.
What about that
fancy guest room
in that fancy white-man
house of yours?
Fancy white man, no woman.
Even Bruiser has a woman.
Hi. Welcome to the
Funky Boutique.
My name is Cindy.
How may I help you?
I need to buy some
clothes for a boy.
What's his size?
He's 15.
That's not a size.
He's 15.
Normal size.
Maybe a little smaller
than normal.
I at least need his waist size.
Look, I need two pairs
of pants and four shirts,
half a dozen pairs of
shorts and underwear,
and a pair of decent shoes
for a 15 year old boy.
Normal sized.
I got this.
It's comforting to see you're
not just a prick to your banker.
These are girls.
I've got three brothers.
You'll probably need a 27
or 28 in the waist.
Get Levi's.
One blue.
One black.
28 or 30 in the inseam,
you'll probably be okay.
Cindy, can you get four boys
shirts that you like
in a size medium?
Thank you.
Sometimes it's just in the
way that you talk to people.
Socks.
There we are.
Get you some socks
and some shorts.
The sizes are right
there on the bag.
Even you can manage.
Now we need shoes.
Cindy, do you have
these in a 9?
Thank you.
Two pairs of pants, four boys
shirts, a bunch of socks
and shorts, and a pair
of shoes that just might fit.
Why couldn't she
do that for me?
I shouldn't have called
you a bitch.
No, no you shouldn't have.
That's just what I just said.
As a businessman, I
invite you to notice
the efficiency of what
we just accomplished.
Try a little kindness.
Or you can go on being a
prick the rest of your life,
if that's what you want.
She was so good right
up until the end.
I just took her to her
hairdresser Tuesday.
And for some damn reason,
she's got you listed on
her will as executor.
I guess she must've
made her will
from back in the day when she
thought you were going to be...
Her son in law.
You son of a bitch.
I gave it the college try.
You gave it the
college-boy try.
Sorry...
Can I stay here tonight?
In your guest room?
I just don't want to be...
What?
Yeah.
Yeah, just.
Oh, don't tell me.
No.
No, no, no, no. Not tonight.
Really, Ray?
That is perfect!
This is just perfect!
This is what I get for coming
to you in my time of need?
Just go get the damn door!
Oh. Oh, yes! That is great!
I'll go get the damn door!
Who might you be?
Do you want my real name
or my stage name?
You have a stage name?
Better stay away from you.
I've always had a sick
weakness for performers.
My fans call me Show Dog.
I believe Show Dog's
here for his lesson.
Lessons?
Yeah this guy's my
guitar teacher.
Is he now?
Well, actually, we haven't
really had a lesson yet.
He likes to complicate things.
Oh, I like you.
Leland, there's some
fresh clothes and things
for you upstairs
in the guest room.
Come with me, Show Dog.
Think I remember where
the guest room is.
So do you live here?
No, I don't.
Oh.
Who rolls up the towels?
He does.
It's insane.
You should see the closets.
Absolutely everything
is labeled.
Like the garage?
Don't get me started
on the garage.
He has separate drawers
for hinges and hooks.
The man's a lunatic.
But can he play guitar?
You never heard him play?
Have you?
Many years ago.
I'm sorry, Show Dog. My...
My mom died today.
My dad died recently.
Oh no.
Everyone said he was
my uncle, but...
I know he was my dad.
What's your real
name, Show Dog?
Leland Ernest Parenteau.
My fake dad's name was Lester.
Lester Callingbull.
The guitar player.
I guess so.
I never heard him play.
Just left me his guitar.
Lester was a beautiful
guitar player.
I didn't even know he died.
La Crete Transport drivers
came by my house one day
and they gave me a guitar.
Said he wanted me to have it,
so I assume that
means he's dead.
Does Ray know all this?
Okay,
Leland Ernest Parenteau.
AKA, Show Dog.
You go shower.
Shower long and hot.
Then come get dressed
and come downstairs
and have your first
guitar lesson.
Okay?
-You need anything else?
-No.
Sorry I broke your mug.
Thanks for being
good to my mom.
I know you lent her money
so she could lend me money.
I know that's why she
made you executor.
I have no idea what you
have going on up there.
Frankly, I don't think
you do either.
I love you.
You son of a bitch.
You can stay here.
I'll sleep on the couch.
Thanks.
Hello in
there, Uncle.
I mean...
Hello in there, bootlegger.
This is the Alberta Liquor
Gaming and Cannabis
Control Board.
The ALGC... C.
Liquor, gambling and pot.
Next year we're going
to add prostitution.
Come out with your hands
up.
You've been suspected of
selling liquor to the Indians.
And the government
doesn't like competition.
This is your last warning.
If you don't surrender,
I've been authorized
to smoke you out.
On the count of three,
you mixed-blood bandit.
One.
Two.
Three!
I think an old buffalo
told me to come here
and ask for advice.
Thunder?
He's a good old bull.
Well, Uncle.
You used to drink too much,
and now you don't.
I guess I want to
know how you quit.
Are you drinking too much?
No, Uncle.
But every dollar I make
goes into those damn machines.
You know,
I like telling little jokes.
Like I did today.
But lately
I haven't been telling jokes
because I like to do it.
I've been telling jokes because
I'm afraid of what I
might do to myself
if I don't.
It's dangerous to ask
a man for advice.
I think we're way past
the danger zone, Uncle.
That's why I came to you.
100 bills.
Tomorrow you go to the machine.
You put one bill in.
It's the only bill you
put in tomorrow.
Play it till it's gone.
Then walk away.
You will feel pain.
Maybe much pain.
This is good.
Look for the pain.
The next day,
if you survive,
go to the machine again.
Put in one bill.
Only one.
Play it till it's gone.
Then walk away.
Again the pain will come.
Laugh at the pain.
Thank your creator
for the pain.
For 100 days, Nephew.
You go to the machine.
One bill only.
Then walk away.
The pain is your friend.
Say it.
The pain is my friend.
After 100 days go by,
and all your little
bills are gone,
and lots of good pain
has been felt.
Now your box is empty.
What do you do?
Go find one bill.
5, 10, 20.
I don't care.
This box is your new machine.
Put one bill in this box
every day for 100 days.
Earn it, steal it, borrow it.
Put one bill in that
box every day
and leave it there.
Sometimes a pain you know,
sometimes a new pain.
You will never quit
feeling pain, Nephew.
But you can quit being afraid
of pain.
Not job, not woman,
not children,
not even food.
100 days out
and 100 days in.
Feel the pain.
And no cheating.
Okay?
[fire crackling
I like this machine.
I like how they smell,
how they sound,
how they cut.
I love this machine.
Ernie, this machine
works for me.
I don't work for it.
So why do I do this
to my machine?
Because this machine
is my slave.
But I am not a slave.
What is a man, Nephew?
I don't know, Uncle.
The pain is real, Nephew.
But the pain will not kill you.
Running from your pain
will kill you.
This is your Uncle's advice.
Yeah, and then if you want to do
the walking thing,
you go like this. You go--
Yeah, like that.
A lot going on, right?
Yeah.
Just for starters, just figure
out the walking bass line.
like this.
Yeah, it's, you're
basically going...
Okay.
Up and down like...
Yeah, yeah.
And then you go to G,
right, from the C, like.
Then you're set for life.
Johnny Cash forever.
Now give me an F.
Whoever invented the
F chord is an idiot.
You'll find it comes in
useful.
Now G.
I like G the best.
G is a good chord.
Now run back up to C.
So C is always the
starting place?
Not always.
C's not only a chord,
it's also a key.
I don't get it.
You don't need to get it.
You need to learn your F chord.
What's a minor chord?
Minor chords are
the sad chords.
When do we use them?
Often enough.
Hold your pick like
I showed you.
Guitar
Player Magazine says Mark
Knopfler doesn't use a pick.
Good for him.
He considers
it a prophylactic between him
and his instrument.
Do you want Mark Knopfler
for a teacher?
You'll do for now.
Then hold your pick
like I told you.
What's a prophylactic?
I think it's a dinosaur.
Isn't it a rubber?
Pretty sure it's a
Precambrian dinosaur.
So you basically like
using rubbers?
I can get you Mark
Knopfler's number if you want.
See if he's got some wood
that needs chopping...
Badly.
Yeah, listen to that.
Almost sounds like a
chord.
How come it quit
buzzing?
It's called practice.
But I was doing the
same thing I always was,
but now it sounds right.
What's it called?
Practice.
Aren't there more
than three chords?
I'm sick of C, F and G.
There's seven, but
everything comes in threes.
Well, when are you
going to tell me about the
three types of women?
When we start playing
minor chords.
Okay. Maybe you're
ready for A, D, and E.
Why don't we use the
book?
No book. Get a pen and
paper.
I think you're the
Precambrian dinosaur.
There.
That looks easy.
Why didn't we start
with that one?
The day some rotten kid
from Paddle Prairie
comes and asks you
for Guitar lessons,
you can start with
whatever you want, okay?
Ooh, touchy.
I think you know the E.
Johnny B. Goode is in
A.
When can I play that?
In 100 years, the
way you're going.
Come on, I'm awesome.
Better get you off waltz
time
if you want to play
Johnny B. Goode.
You mean faster, right?
No, it's a different
time signature.
So instead of
'one, two, three.
One, two, three.' It's
'One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.'
I don't get it.
K, listen.
Oh, so Johnny B.
Goode is in 4/4.
Yes.
So why the hell have we
been doing a waltz this whole
time?
- I'm just
kidding.
If you take your pinky
and put it here you get an A7.
What's an A7?
Seventh chord.
What's a seventh chord?
Uh...
It's the chord that warns
us changes are coming.
I don't think I need
that one.
Chuck Berry used
them all the time.
Okay, show me again.
And that's supposed to tell
you change is coming?
That'll tell you
change is coming.
When I'm in the key of
E, I use an A and a B,
but when I'm in the key
of A, I use an E and a D?
That doesn't make any sense.
- The one, the four and
the five.
Everything comes in threes.
What about the three
types of women?
Don't I need to know that?
When you learn your B.
B is worse than F.
Why does Denise hate you?
She doesn't hate me.
Could have fooled me.
She doesn't trust me.
There's a difference.
Maybe I don't want
to know about
the three different types
of women from you.
You don't seem to know
much about them.
Amen to that.
Look. Perfect B.
And here's a perfect B7.
And here is the
perfect B minor.
You ready to learn about
the three types of women?
Ready like Chuck Berry.
He didn't know much
about women either.
Just tell me.
Number one is the keeper.
The keeper?
Yeah.
She's the one you want to
keep till death do us part.
Okay.
Number two is the rental.
The rental.
Seriously?
That's right.
They've been around
since forever
and that's all you got
to know about it.
Like a rental car.
Like a rental car.
And three?
Three's the disposable.
Seriously?
Like a Bic razor.
She's the one you want
to use for a while
till she gets dull and
then throw her away.
That's kind of gross.
It is.
Sometimes we do
that to each other.
Why?
Because we're stupid and weak.
Are women stupid and weak?
Yeah.
Is Denise a disposable?
No.
Is she a rental?
No.
So she's a keeper.
She's a keeper.
So why don't you keep her?
I think she's trying to figure
out if I'm a keeper.
Don't tell me you're
a rental.
Nope.
Nope.
Men don't have that career
opportunity very often.
We're mostly disposables
or keepers.
What are you?
Well,
I've been disposable
for a long time.
I've used women like
they are disposable.
and have allowed women
to use me like I'm disposable.
The truth is, there's
no such thing
as a disposable woman,
or a disposable man.
We just treat ourselves and
each other like that sometimes.
Because we're stupid and weak?
Because we're stupid and weak.
And sometimes we don't have
anybody to teach us better.
Am I a keeper?
Yeah, you're a keeper.
So don't ever let anybody treat
you like you're disposable.
Well,
I think you're
a keeper, too.
I'm working on it.
Takes practice.
Takes practice.
Just like guitar lessons.
Like guitar
lessons.
Ray here.
Weren't we just in
there on Tuesday?
What about six of fourteen?
The kid I just hired. No.
Skid him.
I'll find Ernie.
Say again.
I don't have a rubber tire
hoe anymore, do I?
That went to Ritchie Brothers.
Can't you get a small
track hoe in there?
Alright, make it work.
K. Bye.
Are you Ray Mitchell?
You used to be a
guitar player, right?
You're the guy.
Am I?
I think so.
What are you asking for
if you know so much?
Are you him?
Do we know each other?
No.
So what's that make us?
You don't start a conversation
with a stranger
by asking direct
personal questions.
When you're talking to strangers
you start with some kind of
statement of the obvious,
like, "What a beautiful morning"
Or some useless bit
of information like,
"Hey, my name's Matador".
My name's not Matador.
Missed the point entirely.
I thought everybody learned
guitar off YouTube these days.
Did you?
No.
Who taught you?
Mr. Dumas.
Who's he?
Schoolteacher.
Where?
Dixonville.
He still there?
No idea.
But he'd be old as
the hills if he was.
Why did he do it?
Do what?
Why did he give you
guitar lessons?
I don't know.
Did you ask him?
I did, actually.
And he said yes.
He did.
But now you're saying no.
Well, you don't say yes to
something just because
somebody else said yes to
something a long time ago.
Listen, kid.
I don't play guitar anymore.
I don't give lessons.
I don't give rides.
You just happened to
be in the way today.
But it's not something you
forget, right? Playing guitar.
No. It's not.
So why don't you play anymore?
Listen, forget about
Eddie Van Halen.
Forget about Eruption.
Forget about what the
idiots on YouTube say.
Learn your chords.
Learn C, F and G.
It all starts from there.
The rest comes later.
It'll sound like hell
to start with.
Don't worry about it.
Don't quit.
Calluses come, blisters
might come.
Your fingerprints
start wearing off.
Really?
Yeah, but don't quit, because
somewhere around there
it starts to sound half decent,
because the strings
stop buzzing and it almost
sounds like it's supposed to.
But start simple.
Don't start with
Johnny B. Goode.
Start with, uh,
"99 Bottles of Beer
on the Wall".
What?
"Home on the range".
Don't you know anything cool?
You heard of Leon Redbone?
Cab Calloway?
Louis Armstrong? Merle Haggard?
Some of those guys, yeah.
Yeah, well, if some snot-nosed
kid from Paddle Prairie's
heard of them, they're
probably pretty cool, right?
I guess so.
You know what those guys
all had in common?
They're old and dead?
Yeah.
Yeah, they're old and dead.
But before they died,
they all had a hit with
the same simple song.
It's got three chords.
C, F and G.
What's it called?
It's called "I Ain't
Got Nobody".
Alright, get out of here.
I got things to do.
Alright.
Stop right there, white man.
You colonizer.
You land stealing
son of a bitch.
I know why you're here.
You're here to take my wife.
Like you haven't taken
enough from me already.
My land, my dignity,
my radio bingo cards.
Ernie, that's your sister.
Have you no shame?
You'd even steal
our sisters, too?
One more step, mniyw,
and I'm jumping in this lake.
You don't know to swim,
do you, white man?
You never got your
badges in the
High Level Memorial
Aquatic Centre.
You know, on Paddle Prairie,
we just throw our
kids in the river.
It's more of a
sink-or-swim situation.
Stop I tell you!
You know I can out-swim you,
you fur-trading bastard.
It's colonizers like you
that made us Metis.
Watering down our bloodline so
we don't get drunk at weddings.
You going to let me talk, or
just keep up the comedy routine?
I know why you're here.
You want me to go to work.
That's all you guys
can think about.
You never stop and
smell the muskeg.
We got a problem
up the Chinchaga.
You know, the Chinchaga
was a beautiful place.
Traditionally, our people
would just ride quads around,
eating chips, drinking pop.
And then you guys
showed up and started
drilling holes in Mother Earth.
And now she's pissed.
Well, I got a perforated
condensate lying
eight feet underground.
A young kid clipped it
with a bucket last night.
Ah, you don't say.
Must have been a NAIT graduate,
Was he wearing a
hard hat at the time?
Do you need to
write this up, Ray?
You like hiring those
NAIT graduates.
Or maybe it was the
Filipinos you're hiring,
stealing all the jobs from
the Indigenous people.
I'm here trying to give
you a job, Ernie.
Not take one away.
A thousand a day and
free hotel rooms.
It's a one day job. You'd
be home by dark.
Shh.
A few nights at the
Flamingo Hotel.
And some spending money.
I'll split the winnings
with you, Ray
Like last time.
Ah, it wasn't my
fault last time.
There was a fat Korean
sitting at my lucky machine.
I told you, we can't
take down the tree.
Why not?
It's outside the
lease perimeter.
It's on Dene land.
Oh, that's not good.
Us Crees have been
fighting with the Dene
ever since we crossed
that ice bridge.
I thought you were a Beaver.
I'm racially fluid.
Well, we got to squeeze
the hoe into a tight spot
and excavate the perf--
Hey, you know what?
I've been squeezing hoes ever
since I was in grade seven.
We got to squeeze the
hoe into a tight spot
and excavate the
perforated pipe.
Boss, are you talking
dirty to me?
You know, I could
report you for
inappropriate workplace
behaviour.
Speaking of which,
there's going to be an
environmental inspector
on site today.
Oh good, you mean that
blonde one from Valleyview?
Man, I'd love to show her
my perforated pipe.
You are going to
take this seriously
when we get there, right?
Of course, boss.
I'm a professional.
I'm a professional Metis
hoe squeezer
with a perforated pipe.
Veronica? Ray Mitchell.
Yes, we've met.
This is Ernie Ghostkeeper,
our superintendent of safety.
Mr. Ghostkeeper, as a
superintendent of safety,
you must be aware of the
need to wear a hard hat.
Ernie, tha--
That's not necessary.
What is he saying?
He's suggesting we do
a land acknowledgment.
Oh, yes. Yes, of
course. Thank you.
How do we...
Okay.
Oh.
Maybe you could go start your
hoe now, Mr. Ghostkeeper.
Wait. Come, both of you.
Can you please tell
him that this tree
is not on the oil
company lease?
It is in fact on disputed
land claim territory,
and the Cultural Advisory Panel
for Indigenous Exploration
has suggested it might be
on a sacred burial
site.
So at all costs we must protect
the integrity of the tree.
Can you tell him that?
He's really quite remarkable.
You have no idea.
I didn't know they
did that little.
They don't.
Whoopsie.
What are
you going to do when she finds
out you speak English?
Oh, that's easy.
I speak English on
colonized land,
but on pure Mother Earth,
I speak the language
of my ancestors.
You know, that'll
probably work.
Ernest, I don't want to
give it to you all in cash
and all the same time.
Never mind, Hudson's Bay man.
Show me the money.
All of it.
After four days, whatever
I have more than this,
I'm going to split
with you, boss.
We both know what's going
to be left after four days.
My good sir, you
are a pessimist.
Don't you think it's time
you quit the slots?
You know, Raymond,
the funny thing about time
is you mniyws,
you have all the watches.
But us Indians,
we have all the time.
Where's my guitar?
That's my guitar.
$20? Seriously?
She can't pawn my stuff.
That's my guitar.
Possession.
Nine-tenths of the law.
You're a bootlegger.
What do you know about the law?
Let's pretend what
you say is true.
Who knows more about
the law than an outlaw?
I want my guitar back.
What do you got to pawn?
I admire
how you're able to just turn off
your English
speaking abilities whenever
you are on sacred land.
Mm.
Like everything, Veronica,
it takes sacrifice.
I assume you're treaty?
We're all treaty, baby.
You're treaty, too.
You're too generous.
I could listen to you speak your
own language all day long.
There's something so...
earthen about it.
Table and chairs got to be
worth as much as my guitar.
Plus, that old basketball
you got in there.
Hello Ray. It's Eldon
here.
I just wanted to check
in on you and
see if you've heard,
Ray. Our old
bandmate, Lester,
has passed away.
Succumbed to his
illnesses, as they say.
I just heard. I
guess it happened
a couple months ago.
And I asked about
that old archtop
that you and he
used to fight over,
the S.S. Stewart, and was
a little surprised to find
he still had it, but,
his instructions were to
give it to some kid from
up in your neck of
the woods, which is
a bit of a mystery unto itself.
I thought you might
want to dig around
and get your hands on
it before it became
firewood, or something worse,
and if you don't want it, then
go get it for me.
One of us should
maybe have it.
That's all I got. I'm in North
Carolina tonight. I'm out with
Dwight Yoakam again,
playing the never-ending string
of Indian casinos. Call
me sometime, you prick.
Bye.
Where did you get
that guitar from?
I was thinking that if I
give you guitar lessons,
how are you going to pay?
I'll pay.
Yeah, I've known too
many guitar players.
You know how to chop wood?
Yeah.
Well, my time's definitely
worth more than your time,
wouldn't you say?
Maybe.
I'll tell you what.
For every two hours of
wood chopping I'll give you
one hour of guitar lessons.
Okay.
Yeah?
You know where I live?
I think so.
How about Saturday morning?
First thing.
Okay.
Okay.
I'll see you then.
That's an $80 axe.
Are you seriously this useless?
Morning, Denise.
Morning, asshole.
Nice, Denise.
I assume you're here looking
for ways to hide your money?
I have an appointment actually.
With...?
The new banker.
I need a name, dickweed.
According to the email, he's
got the same name as I do.
Dickweed?
Honestly, woman, I don't
have time for this.
Don't I know it.
Too busy with your whores.
Here's the irony, Denise.
Once a man gets rich and
can afford to pay for it,
women line up
to give it to him.
If there weren't cameras
here, I'd slap you so hard
you woke up in Wabasca.
Mr. Mitchell.
I'm Raye, Rayleen.
Shall we go to my office?
Would you like a coffee?
I would, actually.
Denise, can you
get Mr. Mitchell
a coffee, please?
Oh. Oh, yes, of course.
It'd be my pleasure.
It's
just that you have a
considerable amount of liquidity
which isn't earning much.
I'd like to help put that
capital to work for you.
I like putting men
to work, not capital.
Well, sexist overtones aside...
You are an intelligent man
and aware of the
concept of interest.
I've never claimed to
be an intelligent man,
and I'm not interested
in interest.
I like making my money
by doing something.
I understand.
That said, while it's sitting
here, it's almost
irresponsible not to...
Irresponsible not to give
the control of my money
over to a banker?
Perhaps I used the wrong word.
Are you uncomfortable with
my bank balance here, Miss?
You assume I'm a Miss.
Yeah, I do.
Well, you know what they
say about assumptions.
I don't know what they say.
I know what the word
"assumption" means.
I looked it up when they
changed the name to Chatay.
One meaning's to take
possession of something.
The other is to take
a notion for granted.
I had no idea High Level
oilfield contractors
could be so literate.
I had no idea Edmonton
bankers can be such bitches.
Excuse me?
Look it up.
B I T C H.
Means malicious, spiteful,
overbearing woman.
There's another meaning, but
I'm assuming you're not a--
I think we're done here.
Before I go, just tell me--
are you married?
Oh, Mr. Mitchell,
that is certainly none
of your business.
Guess I assumed right.
Welcome to High Level, Miss.
Are you Leland's father?
I'm his...
I brought him in.
Okay, you can see him now.
Hey.
Hey.
How's the leg?
It's good.
How many stitches?
I don't know.
Let's find out.
Are you allowed to do that?
Probably not.
Count the stitches.
What?
You heard me.
There's eight.
That's what I count, too.
So you can count.
I can count.
Guess I was wrong about you.
About what?
When I called you useless.
Look,
90% of anything is
just showing up.
You know what you want and
you're man enough to ask for it.
When given a chance,
you show up.
Show Dog.
That's what I'm
going to call you.
what?
The stray dog that just
keeps showing up.
Hey, plus I can count.
Plus you can count.
Please accept my
apology, Show Dog.
I've made two mistakes
about you.
What mistakes?
First I called you useless
when we've just
established that you're not.
Second, I left an inexperienced
operator alone with machinery.
So this is basically
all your fault.
Fast learner.
How long you in here for?
I'm not sure, but the
food's pretty good.
You think hospital food's good?
Well, I'll come check in
on you tomorrow.
and see if your sense of taste
has come back.
Alright.
Bye.
Bye.
Excuse me.
I need you to sign some forms in
order to keep Leland overnight.
I'm not his father.
I know.
I spoke with the boy's
mother on the phone.
She and I are both unsure as to
what your relationship
is with the boy.
I'm his guitar teacher.
So this accident happened
during a guitar lesson?
Not exactly. Sort of.
It's a pretty severe wound.
I just need some
information in order to
fill out the admission forms.
Well, he was chopping
wood with a broken axe.
I'm guessing he missed
the block and cut his shin.
So it was unrelated
to the guitar lessons?
Yes and no.
That's how he pays for the
lessons, chopping wood.
I see.
And these lessons,
along with the accident--
they took place on
your property?
My home, yes.
In the description just now,
you used the word "guessing".
So you weren't there
at the time of the accident?
Are you a nurse or a cop?
I'm a nurse, sir.
But you appreciate I
need this information
in order to fill out the forms.
Alright. But I don't
have a form to fill out.
So you fill out the form,
and I'm going to go do
the things I gotta do.
Okay?
Can I help you?
Yeah, here to pick
up young Leland.
See if he's ready to
get out of here.
Leland was discharged
earlier this morning.
Really?
Ray here.
Okay.
Okay.
That's something that needs
to be done today, is it?
No, but Felix is available.
Okay.
Alright.
You want steel or
cement pilings?
Hey Ray, it's Monique.
Um...
Just wanted to say hi, and
uh, see what you were doing.
So, uh... Text me, K?
Ray, there's a strange
man in our shop.
Who?
Hello Bruiser.
Tansi, Raymond.
Stop by my house later?
Yeah, I'll finish up here.
I'll be right over.
They wanted him to take
them to your house.
Show them where
the good stuff was.
He wouldn't tell them anything.
He's been sleeping
in my smokehouse
the last couple months.
He thinks I don't know.
That's where I found him.
Says you're his guitar teacher.
You know, that's Lester's
guitar he's packing around?
I recognized it from the road.
Is he Lester's kid?
He called him uncle, but...
Lester had a handwritten will.
Only thing it said was that
boy was to get his guitar.
What do you want
me to do, Bruiser?
Whoa, cowboy.
I could say the same to you.
Well he's not my kid.
He's nobody's.
But he likes you.
His mom is a nice
girl, but she's...
busy.
Kokum lives in Fort Vermillion.
Eloise?
Eloise is too old for
a boy that age.
I could phone social
services, but...
usually the smokehouse
is the better option.
And out of the blue,
he mentions you.
The kids that beat him
live at his mom's house.
His own cousins.
We could call the cops...
but you know where that leads.
I'm not exactly a
straight arrow, Bruiser.
You
think I came to you because
you're a straight arrow?
I have no idea why
you came to me.
Pretty simple, Raymond.
What's the only thing that's
ever helped a rotten kid?
Guitar lessons.
Where would you be if
you hadn't had some?
I swear you two are
working together.
Well,
maybe we are.
Lessons start tomorrow
at eight.
If he's there, great.
If not, no problem.
What about that
fancy guest room
in that fancy white-man
house of yours?
Fancy white man, no woman.
Even Bruiser has a woman.
Hi. Welcome to the
Funky Boutique.
My name is Cindy.
How may I help you?
I need to buy some
clothes for a boy.
What's his size?
He's 15.
That's not a size.
He's 15.
Normal size.
Maybe a little smaller
than normal.
I at least need his waist size.
Look, I need two pairs
of pants and four shirts,
half a dozen pairs of
shorts and underwear,
and a pair of decent shoes
for a 15 year old boy.
Normal sized.
I got this.
It's comforting to see you're
not just a prick to your banker.
These are girls.
I've got three brothers.
You'll probably need a 27
or 28 in the waist.
Get Levi's.
One blue.
One black.
28 or 30 in the inseam,
you'll probably be okay.
Cindy, can you get four boys
shirts that you like
in a size medium?
Thank you.
Sometimes it's just in the
way that you talk to people.
Socks.
There we are.
Get you some socks
and some shorts.
The sizes are right
there on the bag.
Even you can manage.
Now we need shoes.
Cindy, do you have
these in a 9?
Thank you.
Two pairs of pants, four boys
shirts, a bunch of socks
and shorts, and a pair
of shoes that just might fit.
Why couldn't she
do that for me?
I shouldn't have called
you a bitch.
No, no you shouldn't have.
That's just what I just said.
As a businessman, I
invite you to notice
the efficiency of what
we just accomplished.
Try a little kindness.
Or you can go on being a
prick the rest of your life,
if that's what you want.
She was so good right
up until the end.
I just took her to her
hairdresser Tuesday.
And for some damn reason,
she's got you listed on
her will as executor.
I guess she must've
made her will
from back in the day when she
thought you were going to be...
Her son in law.
You son of a bitch.
I gave it the college try.
You gave it the
college-boy try.
Sorry...
Can I stay here tonight?
In your guest room?
I just don't want to be...
What?
Yeah.
Yeah, just.
Oh, don't tell me.
No.
No, no, no, no. Not tonight.
Really, Ray?
That is perfect!
This is just perfect!
This is what I get for coming
to you in my time of need?
Just go get the damn door!
Oh. Oh, yes! That is great!
I'll go get the damn door!
Who might you be?
Do you want my real name
or my stage name?
You have a stage name?
Better stay away from you.
I've always had a sick
weakness for performers.
My fans call me Show Dog.
I believe Show Dog's
here for his lesson.
Lessons?
Yeah this guy's my
guitar teacher.
Is he now?
Well, actually, we haven't
really had a lesson yet.
He likes to complicate things.
Oh, I like you.
Leland, there's some
fresh clothes and things
for you upstairs
in the guest room.
Come with me, Show Dog.
Think I remember where
the guest room is.
So do you live here?
No, I don't.
Oh.
Who rolls up the towels?
He does.
It's insane.
You should see the closets.
Absolutely everything
is labeled.
Like the garage?
Don't get me started
on the garage.
He has separate drawers
for hinges and hooks.
The man's a lunatic.
But can he play guitar?
You never heard him play?
Have you?
Many years ago.
I'm sorry, Show Dog. My...
My mom died today.
My dad died recently.
Oh no.
Everyone said he was
my uncle, but...
I know he was my dad.
What's your real
name, Show Dog?
Leland Ernest Parenteau.
My fake dad's name was Lester.
Lester Callingbull.
The guitar player.
I guess so.
I never heard him play.
Just left me his guitar.
Lester was a beautiful
guitar player.
I didn't even know he died.
La Crete Transport drivers
came by my house one day
and they gave me a guitar.
Said he wanted me to have it,
so I assume that
means he's dead.
Does Ray know all this?
Okay,
Leland Ernest Parenteau.
AKA, Show Dog.
You go shower.
Shower long and hot.
Then come get dressed
and come downstairs
and have your first
guitar lesson.
Okay?
-You need anything else?
-No.
Sorry I broke your mug.
Thanks for being
good to my mom.
I know you lent her money
so she could lend me money.
I know that's why she
made you executor.
I have no idea what you
have going on up there.
Frankly, I don't think
you do either.
I love you.
You son of a bitch.
You can stay here.
I'll sleep on the couch.
Thanks.
Hello in
there, Uncle.
I mean...
Hello in there, bootlegger.
This is the Alberta Liquor
Gaming and Cannabis
Control Board.
The ALGC... C.
Liquor, gambling and pot.
Next year we're going
to add prostitution.
Come out with your hands
up.
You've been suspected of
selling liquor to the Indians.
And the government
doesn't like competition.
This is your last warning.
If you don't surrender,
I've been authorized
to smoke you out.
On the count of three,
you mixed-blood bandit.
One.
Two.
Three!
I think an old buffalo
told me to come here
and ask for advice.
Thunder?
He's a good old bull.
Well, Uncle.
You used to drink too much,
and now you don't.
I guess I want to
know how you quit.
Are you drinking too much?
No, Uncle.
But every dollar I make
goes into those damn machines.
You know,
I like telling little jokes.
Like I did today.
But lately
I haven't been telling jokes
because I like to do it.
I've been telling jokes because
I'm afraid of what I
might do to myself
if I don't.
It's dangerous to ask
a man for advice.
I think we're way past
the danger zone, Uncle.
That's why I came to you.
100 bills.
Tomorrow you go to the machine.
You put one bill in.
It's the only bill you
put in tomorrow.
Play it till it's gone.
Then walk away.
You will feel pain.
Maybe much pain.
This is good.
Look for the pain.
The next day,
if you survive,
go to the machine again.
Put in one bill.
Only one.
Play it till it's gone.
Then walk away.
Again the pain will come.
Laugh at the pain.
Thank your creator
for the pain.
For 100 days, Nephew.
You go to the machine.
One bill only.
Then walk away.
The pain is your friend.
Say it.
The pain is my friend.
After 100 days go by,
and all your little
bills are gone,
and lots of good pain
has been felt.
Now your box is empty.
What do you do?
Go find one bill.
5, 10, 20.
I don't care.
This box is your new machine.
Put one bill in this box
every day for 100 days.
Earn it, steal it, borrow it.
Put one bill in that
box every day
and leave it there.
Sometimes a pain you know,
sometimes a new pain.
You will never quit
feeling pain, Nephew.
But you can quit being afraid
of pain.
Not job, not woman,
not children,
not even food.
100 days out
and 100 days in.
Feel the pain.
And no cheating.
Okay?
[fire crackling
I like this machine.
I like how they smell,
how they sound,
how they cut.
I love this machine.
Ernie, this machine
works for me.
I don't work for it.
So why do I do this
to my machine?
Because this machine
is my slave.
But I am not a slave.
What is a man, Nephew?
I don't know, Uncle.
The pain is real, Nephew.
But the pain will not kill you.
Running from your pain
will kill you.
This is your Uncle's advice.
Yeah, and then if you want to do
the walking thing,
you go like this. You go--
Yeah, like that.
A lot going on, right?
Yeah.
Just for starters, just figure
out the walking bass line.
like this.
Yeah, it's, you're
basically going...
Okay.
Up and down like...
Yeah, yeah.
And then you go to G,
right, from the C, like.
Then you're set for life.
Johnny Cash forever.
Now give me an F.
Whoever invented the
F chord is an idiot.
You'll find it comes in
useful.
Now G.
I like G the best.
G is a good chord.
Now run back up to C.
So C is always the
starting place?
Not always.
C's not only a chord,
it's also a key.
I don't get it.
You don't need to get it.
You need to learn your F chord.
What's a minor chord?
Minor chords are
the sad chords.
When do we use them?
Often enough.
Hold your pick like
I showed you.
Guitar
Player Magazine says Mark
Knopfler doesn't use a pick.
Good for him.
He considers
it a prophylactic between him
and his instrument.
Do you want Mark Knopfler
for a teacher?
You'll do for now.
Then hold your pick
like I told you.
What's a prophylactic?
I think it's a dinosaur.
Isn't it a rubber?
Pretty sure it's a
Precambrian dinosaur.
So you basically like
using rubbers?
I can get you Mark
Knopfler's number if you want.
See if he's got some wood
that needs chopping...
Badly.
Yeah, listen to that.
Almost sounds like a
chord.
How come it quit
buzzing?
It's called practice.
But I was doing the
same thing I always was,
but now it sounds right.
What's it called?
Practice.
Aren't there more
than three chords?
I'm sick of C, F and G.
There's seven, but
everything comes in threes.
Well, when are you
going to tell me about the
three types of women?
When we start playing
minor chords.
Okay. Maybe you're
ready for A, D, and E.
Why don't we use the
book?
No book. Get a pen and
paper.
I think you're the
Precambrian dinosaur.
There.
That looks easy.
Why didn't we start
with that one?
The day some rotten kid
from Paddle Prairie
comes and asks you
for Guitar lessons,
you can start with
whatever you want, okay?
Ooh, touchy.
I think you know the E.
Johnny B. Goode is in
A.
When can I play that?
In 100 years, the
way you're going.
Come on, I'm awesome.
Better get you off waltz
time
if you want to play
Johnny B. Goode.
You mean faster, right?
No, it's a different
time signature.
So instead of
'one, two, three.
One, two, three.' It's
'One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.'
I don't get it.
K, listen.
Oh, so Johnny B.
Goode is in 4/4.
Yes.
So why the hell have we
been doing a waltz this whole
time?
- I'm just
kidding.
If you take your pinky
and put it here you get an A7.
What's an A7?
Seventh chord.
What's a seventh chord?
Uh...
It's the chord that warns
us changes are coming.
I don't think I need
that one.
Chuck Berry used
them all the time.
Okay, show me again.
And that's supposed to tell
you change is coming?
That'll tell you
change is coming.
When I'm in the key of
E, I use an A and a B,
but when I'm in the key
of A, I use an E and a D?
That doesn't make any sense.
- The one, the four and
the five.
Everything comes in threes.
What about the three
types of women?
Don't I need to know that?
When you learn your B.
B is worse than F.
Why does Denise hate you?
She doesn't hate me.
Could have fooled me.
She doesn't trust me.
There's a difference.
Maybe I don't want
to know about
the three different types
of women from you.
You don't seem to know
much about them.
Amen to that.
Look. Perfect B.
And here's a perfect B7.
And here is the
perfect B minor.
You ready to learn about
the three types of women?
Ready like Chuck Berry.
He didn't know much
about women either.
Just tell me.
Number one is the keeper.
The keeper?
Yeah.
She's the one you want to
keep till death do us part.
Okay.
Number two is the rental.
The rental.
Seriously?
That's right.
They've been around
since forever
and that's all you got
to know about it.
Like a rental car.
Like a rental car.
And three?
Three's the disposable.
Seriously?
Like a Bic razor.
She's the one you want
to use for a while
till she gets dull and
then throw her away.
That's kind of gross.
It is.
Sometimes we do
that to each other.
Why?
Because we're stupid and weak.
Are women stupid and weak?
Yeah.
Is Denise a disposable?
No.
Is she a rental?
No.
So she's a keeper.
She's a keeper.
So why don't you keep her?
I think she's trying to figure
out if I'm a keeper.
Don't tell me you're
a rental.
Nope.
Nope.
Men don't have that career
opportunity very often.
We're mostly disposables
or keepers.
What are you?
Well,
I've been disposable
for a long time.
I've used women like
they are disposable.
and have allowed women
to use me like I'm disposable.
The truth is, there's
no such thing
as a disposable woman,
or a disposable man.
We just treat ourselves and
each other like that sometimes.
Because we're stupid and weak?
Because we're stupid and weak.
And sometimes we don't have
anybody to teach us better.
Am I a keeper?
Yeah, you're a keeper.
So don't ever let anybody treat
you like you're disposable.
Well,
I think you're
a keeper, too.
I'm working on it.
Takes practice.
Takes practice.
Just like guitar lessons.
Like guitar
lessons.