Gumball Rally, The (1976) Movie Script
Advertising and promotional
expenditures...
...of $2,845,000...
...were reported.
These expenditures were primarily...
...by "primarily," I mean about
96 percent of these expenditures...
...were for Richter's
two main retail brands.
These brands made up
over 85 percent...
...of the company profits
in the last fiscal year.
An increase of some 14 percent
from the previous year.
This increase is based on sales
of $ 16,800,000.
Total sales were up only $200,000...
...in the last fiscal year.
Even with an increase
in advertising expenditures...
...of $872,000.
So while the sales...
...of Whiz Bam and Cherry Poppie Balls
are up...
...sales for their retail brand,
Chocorama...
Yeah, Smith.
Gumball.
Would you repeat that?
Gumball.
Okay, let's wrap it up for today,
gentlemen. Thank you.
Gumball!
Will you take a look at this for me?
Here we go.
To him who accepts the challenge.
- Know what he's talking about?
- To him who risks all...
...comes the satisfaction of victory...
...and a sense of physical
well-being in return for...
I want you to get this.
In return for hardship...
...exhaustion, discomfort.
Ponos. Thank you very much.
- Hi, Sam.
- Bannon.
It's on. We're go.
Look, I've been giving this matter
a lot of thought...
...and look, you don't
have anything to lose.
I mean, to you this thing is just a stunt.
I've got a position at this university.
I've got a shot at tenure.
All I have to do is stay out of trouble
a couple more years.
I can't risk that.
It's not a risk.
It's a challenge.
Hey, get out of the way!
What's the matter with you? Are you deaf?
I can't eat with all this noise going on.
Come on. Let's take him.
Car 34, come in.
This is car 34, over.
Yeah, we got a telegram for you clowns.
Does "gumball" mean anything to you?
Negative, 10-4.
Let's go.
- Beside the point.
- I've got chicken in the oven.
Hi, Oscar.
The kids' clothes are all laid out.
Okay, don't worry.
Just have a good time.
- I will.
- Bye, Oscar. See you.
- Have a good time.
- Kids, be good. Listen to your daddy.
You'd think she was planning
the D-day invasion...
...instead of a weekend in the country.
Attention, please. All passengers...
Excuse me. Thank you.
Hi. Smoking.
Be careful. Be careful.
Andy, you know how often my wife
tried to get me to get rid of this car?
Well, that's German machinery for you.
The car outlasted her.
Sedately, Barney...
...as befits our years and station in life.
Of course.
Ace Preston, Mr. Guts himself,
is in the white car revving up.
He will attempt the death-defying
Russian T-bone.
There he goes,
and where he stops nobody knows.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Ace Preston on the high speed.
Go, Ace, go.
Ladies and gentlemen...
- What do you say, buddy?
- I didn't have time to change.
- Aren't you excited about this thing?
- No, I'll be glad when it's over.
Well, I don't expect to live forever.
Don't worry, kid, you won't.
Excuse me, may I give you a flower?
I am a stranger in this country.
And I've never seen
such a beautiful woman in all my life.
You see, I would like to know,
maybe you could inform me of a...
Here we are, old buddy.
New York, New York. The Big Apple.
I feel ready. I'm pumping up.
I feel pumped up.
Yeah.
Franco.
- Fine, thank you, and you?
- Good.
- How's the bambino?
- She's full of gas. She's wait for you.
Hey, you make a good Italian.
Lieutenant Roscoe?
Mike Pakowsky, N.Y.P.D.
- How are you?
- The car's outside.
I'll take you downtown now.
I got a brother-in-law in L.A.
Two marties and a double Man.
Gumball.
They're coming in now.
All of them.
I'm gonna stay here on the stakeout.
It's 9:05.
I'll check in again at 10.
Graves.
In through that way.
Right through that door
there's a banquet room.
Thank you.
- It's just a misunderstanding.
- That's what you call it.
I call it a lie.
- It's after 9:30. That's the deadline.
- Shall we close it up, Mr. Bannon?
Yeah. Put Fred on the door.
I want that room sealed.
Ladies, gentlemen...
...you have been selected because
you have the necessary skills.
You are here because you have
the determination to succeed.
Now, it won't be as easy as last year.
There are some who will use
any means to try and stop us.
Some of you won't make it.
For those of you who do...
...there will be no glory, no headlines.
But...
...just a few magic hours
flat-out against the red line...
...with no catalytic converter...
...and no 55-mile-an-hour speed limit.
Ladies and gentlemen...
...the Gumball Rally has begun.
For those of you who've never
done this before...
...I think I better go over the rules.
The first thing to remember
is that there are no rules.
The first vehicle to reach the parking lot
at the Queen Mary in Long Beach...
...is the winner, the unofficial winner.
Because this is an unofficial race.
And so it follows that none of us
are really in this race.
We don't want any civilian involvement.
No accidents, please.
Remember, it's 2900 miles.
That, 34 hours and 11 minutes,
is the record.
Set last year by our dear friend
Mr. Bannon.
Now I know we all ought
to get some rest tonight.
But may I?
I'd like to propose a toast.
To internal combustion...
...and wind in the face.
You know, I think Roscoe's got a grudge
against you, Smitty, from last year.
Hey, why do I always get blamed
for everything anyway?
Because you're a schemer.
It's gonna be a lot different
from last year anyway, you know.
Yeah, I noticed.
- You brought a real ringer with you.
- A what?
Well, you know, your friend Franco.
What do you mean? What's he ever won?
Le Mans, Grand Prix de Monaco,
what does that mean?
He's coming along
because he's a real nice guy.
It's like trying to kill
a butterfly with a hammer.
Oh, stop, will you?
You make me feel ashamed of myself.
Oh, Smitty, don't worry.
Sam and I will do our best.
But isn't it funny, though,
sometimes in life when your best...
...just isn't quite good enough,
you know?
- You're still bitter?
- No. No, I'm not.
- Oh, yes, you are.
- No. I'm...
I'm gonna win, that's all.
Don't get overconfident.
Let's flip to see
who takes care of Roscoe.
Oh, yeah, right.
- Tails.
- Wrong.
- Oh, no. Why do I always get him?
- Take care of him the morning of the race.
Mr. McAllister, Mr. Donahue.
Here you are, sir.
Barney, I'm hungry.
- Sorry, sweetheart.
- Bull's-eye.
Hit the trunk, old buddy.
Lookie here. Extra uniforms.
All of them for along the way.
Look at this. Police decals.
All you gotta do is stick them on the doors.
Hey, give me a hand with the lights.
Give it a try.
Can you imagine?
Do you believe that?
You guys, listen to this.
Look, I been figuring...
...with 200 gallons of gas back here...
...we don't have to make
one damn stop, not one.
- Ever seen anything like this?
- No, nice.
Wait till you hear it run, man.
I got that computer information en route.
The weather and the traffic
and the road conditions.
What's the matter, Jose?
Nothing, Mr. Bannon. I'm okay.
Hey, don't let all this stuff get you down.
Hey, I'm fine. What do I care?
I mean, if I wanted to go, I could go.
I mean, it's a free country, right?
I mean, this whole race is unofficial,
so I'm as unofficial as you are.
See, if I wanted to go, I'd go.
If I had a car.
It's my girlfriend, you see.
She tells me yesterday,
"No more dates on the subway."
I tell you something.
In this country, you ain't nothing...
...if you got no wheels.
Oh, I don't know.
You been on the roads lately?
The age of the motorcar is over.
- Hey, is it okay if I take a few hours off?
- Sure.
Okay, kill it. Kill it.
Hurry up. I'm gonna have to redo
everything you've done.
Gee, Mike, what'd you think
this was, a vintage-car event?
Well, Smitty, some things
get meaner as they get older.
Well, it's real cute. Very fast.
Very uncomfortable.
That's good, though. It's macho.
That's good for you.
That old Smitty. You know,
we've been competing in everything:
Sports, school, girls.
Twenty years of competition
can sometimes get out of hand.
Why didn't he buy
the rest of the Ferrari team?
- I'm not so sure he didn't.
- Hey, where is that Italian flash anyway?
Franco? Hasn't showed up all day.
- He's probably resting up.
- Yeah, getting his plugs cleaned.
I must go now, my darling.
Will you write?
lf I can.
I mean, I never met anyone
who's gone to Borneo.
It is not a pleasure trip.
Be careful, Franco.
I cannot do the work I must
and also be careful.
- Then be lucky.
- That's better.
This is Red Fox to Barracuda.
Red Fox to Barracuda.
Now, I figure they're gonna leave late
tonight or early tomorrow morning.
As soon as I see them go,
I'll let you know.
And I want roadblocks on every bridge
and tunnel going west. Do you copy?
Now, as the contract reads,
no driving after 6 p.m.
Not to exceed 55 miles per hour.
- You're bonded?
- Of course.
Mr. Blakely is a connoisseur
of fine automobiles.
But for California driving,
he's especially fond of this one.
Minga.
You may go.
Sure.
Gently, gently.
Drive carefully.
Jesus. It's a hit.
We still haven't got the food.
What are we gonna eat?
Oh, Franco, where you been? Your mother
called. She's been looking for you.
Now you make jokes on my mother?
No, no, about your mother,
not on your mother, Franco.
I wouldn't get on your mother.
Just like in Monte Carlo. Jokes.
You insult me, you insult my family,
you insult my country...
...my honor, my dignity you insult!
I warned you!
But you wouldn't listen!
No more jokes.
You see this?
No more jokes!
Very good, Franco.
- You like?
- Yeah, it's very nice.
Where is the...? The professore.
Professore in the pee-pee.
Are you always like this?
Franco is ready.
The race can begin.
Here we go, Andy.
Porsche, two.
- Good for you.
- Six for the Dodge.
- All right.
- Cobra, four.
Three, Ferrari.
Jaguar, 10.
Take your number there.
Number one.
Number eight. Who's holding eight?
lt's Lapchik, the lone eagle.
Those are your starting positions.
Jose will start every vehicle.
You got something to do.
You're starting times will be
registered here and in Long Beach.
And your elapsed time will all be verified.
So that's it. Let's get some rest.
It's done, brother.
Go.
Okay. Get ready.
All right, ladies and gentlemen,
start your engines.
And now, my friend...
...the first rule of Italian driving.
What's behind me is not important.
Buddy, here's to us,
and that we get there first.
Give New York one of those famous
rebel yells of yours when we hit the street.
You know, just to start my blood.
Camaro, 6:00. Go.
- Porsche, 6 and 10.
- Go.
- It's going down.
- Off.
What's the matter with you?
Where are you?
- Cobra, 6:00 and 30 seconds.
- Go.
They're not gonna do it again.
Mercedes, 6 and 40. Go.
You animal.
51 st Street.
Bravo. Times Square.
It's gonna be a nice day.
Good morning.
Good morning to you.
Miserable son of a bitch.
Hey, fella, can you loan me a dime?
- Drop your pants.
- Look, I'm a cop on the job.
I'm Robin Hood.
- Drop them.
- Okay.
- Real easy, fella.
- Drop them.
It's okay, it's okay.
Okay, just stay calm.
Honk if you're horny.
Hit it.
Hit it.
Put your foot in it.
- You can't go back. It's one-way.
- What do you want me to do?
- Will you calm down?
- You should've checked the route.
I mean, wait, you blaming me?
Damn it. This is one-way too.
I am only going one way.
Wake up, meatheads. Another great day
is starting in New York City, the Big Apple.
Get up, get ready, the Giants won
7-zip, believe it or not.
The Age of Aquarius is really on us.
Now, the Eastern Standard Time
is five minutes past 6:00.
You wanna go fast?
No, that's all right.
We got plenty of time.
Hey! Watch where you're going!
Now we take a left over here, right?
But we gotta go left.
Look out, Joe! You're gonna ruin the car.
What's the matter with you?
Will you take it easy for God sakes?
Joey, slow down a minute.
- Wait a minute. Make a left.
- I'm not lost, so shut up.
Hey, did you know
there's a hole back there?
No shit.
And a hungry smile.
Can you look hungry?
This is Uncle Bruce.
Hussy, get hungry. Hungry,
$ 150-a-night hungry, for me.
You know the feeling.
Good, good, I like that. I love that.
I love that look. Fan. Hungry fans.
Click. Thank you. Thank you.
That's the end of the session.
It's been all right.
Hey, baby. How do you like it?
Oh, terrific. You stole it, right?
Come on, I'm in a rush. Come on, get in.
Let me have that, here.
- So how do you like it, huh?
- This is real class.
I mean, real class.
Come on, turn it on.
- What, is this the switch?
- That's it.
Hey, maybe we should wait.
Christ, if this thing works...
Some city you got here.
I didn't know what size.
I said, better too big than too little.
- Did you get any?
- We didn't put it up.
- We were waiting to hear from you.
- They snipped my radio.
- How about your car?
- The wheels fell off.
Oh, those guys sound mean.
- Take me to the airport.
- Now?
Hey, you gotta learn
to roll with the punches, Roscoe.
Harold, how you been?
Hey, that's Crazy Harold.
How long do we have to drive anyway?
lf we're lucky, about 35 hours.
- Where we going, Cuba?
- No, Long Beach, California.
- Stop.
- No, I can't.
No, no, stop.
You pull over to the side and stop.
- Let me out.
- I forgot to tell you something.
- I'm in a race, and I can't go back.
- I don't care.
- I'm getting out.
- You gotta stay.
- Just pull over, or I'm jumping.
- No, wait a minute.
Close that door.
Take it easy, now. Just take it easy.
We'll get there.
From the garage to the Jersey Turnpike,
six minutes, 58 seconds.
- That's 15 seconds better than last year.
- Terrific.
You got the snooper working?
- Get a weather report on the CB.
- You got it.
All you truckers out there,
this is Big Ben in Jolly Green.
We got a little light snow
coming in from Pennsylvania.
Roll on, yellow Camaro.
Exact change, 25 cents.
Well, we're heading south.
We got plenty of open road.
- You're a spastic.
- I was also all-state in basketball.
- That's it. No more quarters.
- Get out of the car.
- You got a quarter?
- Get out of the car.
Get that tin can out of the way.
- Where do you think it is?
- Under the car.
- What?
- Under the car.
If I was a quarter, where would I be?
Where did it go?
Pull on through. Park in section D.
How about explaining that last move?
- What's a Smokey the Bear?
- Highway patrol.
- Plain brown wrapper?
- City policeman.
Unmarked car? Police car.
- County Mountie?
- County sheriff.
- And a local yokel?
- City policeman.
You're so smart. Next time out I'll
make sure you get a driver's license.
Well, happy hunting, Roscoe.
Sorry about the pants.
And you call yourself New York's finest.
Well, I got you all out of New York.
See you later, Sir Roscoe.
Taxi.
- The crusade is straight ahead.
- Taxi.
Now, our crew is going ahead in a plane.
They got spare parts,
everything we're gonna need.
Now, I've got all these stops here
marked and coordinated.
Beautiful.
- What the hell are you doing?
- She is magnificent.
Look, this is a race, man.
Some things are more important
than winning.
Maybe the float's stuck.
Maybe it's humidity.
England is humid.
I feel like Moses
at the parting of the Red Sea.
- Hey, man, this is no good.
- What's the matter, huh?
Well, take a look. It's too easy.
Yeah. Yeah, it's too easy
until somebody nails us.
This is Flying Lasagna
coming into the oven, do you copy?
The oven is hot.
See that gas station? Let's pull off there.
Let's get ready. One man take them...
- Brilliant. Brilliant.
- Thank you.
- Preston?
- What do you want?
I gotta take a leak.
No, I won't stop
so you can take a piss.
- There's a bottle in the back.
- I can't do that.
- I'm not gonna stop till we need gas.
- I can't hold it, buddy.
I'm telling you, use the bottle.
I tried this once going 60.
Didn't work then.
Well, if you're coordinated,
once you start, you won't stop.
Hey. Come on.
Stop.
I'm getting this all over my hands.
My hands are wet.
You're a dumb son of a bitch sometimes.
I don't know why I hang around with you.
I wouldn't have done this to you.
Those dirty son of a bitches.
I hope there's tough justice in Illinois.
I wanna nail them, sheriff,
and this ought to do it.
- Then what?
- Then I'm gonna turn them over to you.
And you can throw away the key. You'll
be doing this country a favor, that's what.
Now we can start running.
How's our time?
Right on schedule.
I wonder what old Roscoe
is doing now.
Developing an ulcer.
Steady, huh?
She is happy.
They're coming.
Goddamn, was that Roscoe?
I wonder if he set us up.
Oh, terrific.
I got them now.
Jeez, I'd love to see the look on their faces.
- How fast are you going?
- Just 100.
- Well, let's hit it, avanti.
- Thank you, my dear friend.
- Jesus, we're going over 100 knots.
- Well, come on. Step it up, buddy.
- Hey, what's the matter?
- Sir, we can't catch them.
He must be going 180 miles per hour.
We don't even have a fixed-wing airplane
that can catch that.
Now what?
Take me to the airport.
It's a handsome design.
I wish it ran.
I'm gonna tell you.
This thing handles like a pig.
It'll get better.
Wait till we use up some gas.
This thing's a bear to handle.
- What the hell, Harry?
- I don't know, did we break anything?
- Maybe we better stop.
- Are you kidding?
- I think it's all right.
- Roll on.
What's wrong with him?
I think he's having a nightmare.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
- Fire. Fire.
- You can't outrun it, you asshole.
Pull that thing off the road.
I hope you learn from this experience.
I made this drive once before
in 1946 in a Mercury coupe.
- Is that so?
- But it's different now.
- Yes, newer roads, older bodies.
- Yeah, too much, too late.
But if I have to die, Andy,
I want to die trying.
Good.
Would you say that man Lapchik
has a certain joie de vivre?
I'd say he's possessed
of a severe case of masochism.
I think it was a meteor,
that's what it was.
- You okay, huh? You okay?
- Yeah, I think so.
Who's that guy?
- Keep your eye on the road.
- Just getting my rhythm up.
Keep up the speed, will you?
I am keeping up the speed.
It's so boring out here...
...my mind's drifting.
This is America, Gibson.
America's not boring.
Yeah, well, motel signs, caf signs,
one-way signs, "do not enter" signs...
...and every other kind of sign,
it all looks the same to me.
Now, back there we saw a reptile farm.
That's more right down my alley.
Get my hands on a boa contractor.
The word is "constrictor."
And don't slow down. Move it.
- Why did I pick him for a mechanic?
- Because I'm the best, that's why.
Oh, what in the name of farm corn
did he come from?
I told you to keep your eyes on the road.
How am I supposed to keep my eyes
on the road, have a good time...
...think about my girlfriend
and do all that? Tell me.
You're a product of too much inbreeding.
Watch out, P.D.
Hit it. You got yours.
It's those damn fake cops.
- Will you move it now?
- Damn it if you can't take a joke.
I wanna go home.
You say you wanna be a movie star,
that you wanna be somebody.
I mean, you take acting classes,
you take dance classes, you work hard.
Where the hell do you think
you're gonna be discovered?
Standing on a corner in Queens?
I mean, baby, listen, now...
...in Hollywood.
- Do you really think so?
- Baby, I really like you.
You should try to be nice to me.
You know, you should try to understand.
I do.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Don't grab the wheel.
Brake!
Hey, you!
Jesus Christ.
Whitey, Whitey, you okay, boy?
Talk to me.
Hello out there, this is Hoosier.
I'm a-coming in from the Cactus Patch.
Rolling on to Derby City.
Got Smokeys all over 40
giving out green stamps...
...as you ride the cloverleaf
into the Buckeye, hear?
You can put the hammer down
and watch out for two little beavers...
...in a black speedboat
coming your way, as they are broken.
They got ears. Do you copy?
That damn Smith.
He's the one who links up all this mess.
He's a damned overaged juvenile delinquent,
and I want him.
- I wanna suspend his license in perpetuity.
- Who's Smith?
The thorn in my side, captain.
The cloud over my head.
Baker spotted them about five miles back.
They should be here soon. They're flying.
They must be doing over 160.
I never saw anything so damn fast.
I got them. Get everybody in position.
Come on, let's go get them.
See this truck up here?
Pull in behind it and blow the horn.
Fantastic.
I thought you'd like that.
Bravo, bravo!
Maybe they stopped.
Send a car up the road.
- What's up?
- Any speeders pass you back there?
- Nobody passed me within 15 miles.
- Okay, get out of here.
What happened? Somebody rob a bank?
None of your damn business.
Just move it out.
There's no sign of them anywhere.
Well, they couldn't just
have vanished into thin air.
I'll be a son of a...
Where are you going?
Follow me.
Open it up.
Open it!
Are you happy?
Get it out of here.
It's so easy on these interstates.
Can you imagine making this trip
at 55 miles an hour?
- Fifty-five miles an hour is unsafe.
- It's boring.
That's why it's unsafe.
Well, it's fast enough to kill you, but it's
slow enough to make you think you're safe.
What time have you got?
- Six o'clock.
- Great. Twelve hours.
One-third of the trip.
I think it's terminal.
This is Casey Kasem
on American Top 40.
In Colorado Springs...
...you're listening to Casey Kasem's
American Top 40, on KYFM...
...where the temperature
is now 34 degrees and dropping.
Hey, hey, fella. What's the matter?
You cold or something?
Hey, hey.
Hey, hey. Take it easy, okay?
Everything's gonna be okay.
Stay calm, okay? Stay calm. Okay?
Okay, Dr Pepper?
- Okay.
- Chop-chop. Let's go, huh?
Okay, let's make it. Hey, my man.
Boy, attaboy.
- There's those damn fake cops.
- They see us?
Let's not wait around to find out.
Yeah, it's Oklahoma.
Land of the red man.
Land of the cowboy.
Land of the cow and the dog.
Sailing, Ace.
You're sailing, buddy.
- I don't believe it.
- What?
lt's those guys.
I think they're gonna pull the same stunt.
- They must think you're stupid.
- Yeah...
Boy, that car moves.
Well, put it on 140.
If he catches us, I'll eat my Airedale.
Hey, that's a real sheriff, man.
That is a real sheriff.
I'll get you, you mother...
He lost his engine.
Go get them, fellas. Get them.
Go get them. He went that way.
Catch up to them. Hurry. Hurry. Hurry.
I thought you said you could drive.
What the hell you talking about?
There was oil there on the road.
Fill it up, please.
Shut it off. Shut if off.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- Where are you going?
- Los Angeles.
- Driving all night?
- Yes.
- Alone?
- Yes.
- You like me?
- Yes.
Excuse, one moment. Don't go away.
I have a small problem.
- A small problem, huh?
- Oh, yeah, I'm sure you do. Forget it...
She's very sweet.
- She's got breasts like ripe melons.
- Forget it, will you? Come on. Let's go.
She's beautiful. She wants me now.
I cannot deny her.
That's impossible.
- She's so sweet. We can make up the time.
- Impossible. Forget it.
- Get in the car, will you?
- No. No, no. I don't get into the car, no.
Okay.
I'll see you later.
Arrivederci, my friend.
- I hate beer.
- Yeah, you hate everything.
- I'm getting real bored lately.
- What you're getting is real boring lately.
- Did you see that one?
- Foreign job.
- Yeah, and it had two girls in it.
- Let's go. Go, go.
We got a terrific stretch of road
the next 25 miles.
Don't do anything weird, Joe.
The last time they locked us up.
Don't worry about it.
These dollies are ready.
Hey, they're kind of cute.
- Oh, you gotta be kidding.
- Yeah.
Maybe I'll just tease them a little bit
and have some fun.
- Howdy, ma'am.
- Howdy, mister.
Hey, where do you wind this thing up?
- Hey, you old enough to drink?
- I'm old enough to do a lot of things.
Did I tell you? Did I tell you? Hey,
slow that thing down. It's gonna break.
- What do you want to do, play doctor?
- Oh, I'm in love. I'm in love.
Sweetheart, if you catch me...
...you can have me.
Are you kidding?
Go. Go.
Go. This is a dream come true.
Get on them.
- Go.
- That was really dumb.
Oh, they'll never catch up with us.
Drive, Earl. Drive.
Well, goddamn,
Franco's gonna miss all the fun.
Goddamn.
- Where's Franco?
- We must have lost him somewhere.
It's a difficult thing to think about
at 2:00 in the morning.
Well, I guess I can ease up now.
Feeling better?
Oh, my God.
Well?
Andy, I need an inspiration.
- Yes, it's that time of morning.
- Something to make the blood hot.
What would you say
to a bit of Henry V?
Oh, you're a mind reader.
Once more into the breach, dear friends,
once more.
Follow your spirit,
and on this charge cry:
"God for Harry,
England and St. George!"
Christ.
I hope Lapchik the mad Hungarian
sees that.
He came off right here.
He's gotta be down there.
Man, he's gotta be down there.
Hey. Hey, fella, you all right?
They're gonna be leaving Nevada
on Interstate 15.
That's the way they're gonna be coming.
Through this junction.
- We haven't had too much luck before.
- Yeah, but they were forewarned.
They've got CB radios.
They can listen to everything we say.
There was no way around it.
I can't understand how, but they did it.
This time, this time,
it's gonna be planned.
- Really planned.
- Boy, you really want them bad.
Gentlemen, this is Roscoe's last stand.
Don't let go of the accelerator.
For you, you lovely American animal.
Remember Franco.
Quickest man I know.
Bye. Bye.
What the hell?
- She can drive, huh?
- Yeah. Bannon and Graves got by last night.
Well, let them have
their brief moment of glory.
Yeah. We'll be in Nevada pretty soon.
Nevada. Las Vegas.
City le sensuale. The dancing girls
with the bouncing boom-booms.
Oh, shut up, will you, with that.
- Look at that piece there.
- What's that car?
- That's a Rolls Royce.
- Ain't she sweet.
She looks lonely.
I love it, I love it.
Hey, come on, Angie, come on. Let's go.
Come on, let's get her.
Come on, cut that cleaning crap.
Get in the car.
- I wanna get a Coke.
- Get your ass in the car. Come on, Angie.
Angie.
I ain't gonna hurt you.
- Angie.
- Let's look at your bicentennial flag.
Come on, baby, it's gonna be
you, you, me and all my friends.
Hey, send her out.
Oh, jeez.
Hey, come on out, we won't hurt you.
- Come on.
- Get out.
I'm gonna get you, faggot.
Go.
You watch that bike.
I'm warning you, you little...
Look what you did.
You got some nerve to go out
and get some Coca-Cola.
Come on, go, go. Let's get them.
Those pigs.
Oh, shit, they coming after us.
Oh, you know
what's gonna happen now?
They gonna rape you,
and they gonna kill me.
Really? Maybe they'll kill me
and rape you.
- Do something.
- What?
- I don't know.
- Christ, I hate this country.
Oh, shit. Hey, old buddy.
Wake up, man. Lookie here.
- What now?
- Oh, Jesus.
Turn back 6 yards, then punt.
You know, you fellows were doing
just about 90.
Really?
Okay, okay, okay. Cut, cut, cut.
Hey. Hey, man. Was it me?
The line was supposed to be:
"Let me explain."
Oh, damn.
Sure is a funny-looking police car.
Say...
...what police department
you fellas from anyway?
- None.
- Impersonating an officer, huh?
- Turn around. Stand easy against the car.
- Hey.
Oh, come on.
We... We're on film right now.
What do you mean, you're on film?
What, are you making a movie?
Yeah, sure. I mean, the camera's right
up there on that mountaintop.
Well, nobody informed me about that.
Well, that's obvious. I mean, you think
we'd be riding in this rinky-dink police car...
...with chocolate cookies on the dashboard
if it weren't for a movie?
Well, I wouldn't know anything about that.
All I know is the law's still the law.
Listen, officer, you...
I mean, absolutely, you're right.
I mean, we were speeding, but...
Oh, hey, wait a minute. This is perfect.
You could help us.
Help you? Help you do what?
Sure.
Sure, the whole mise en scene...
...that leads into the exposition,
and the dnouement...
...and the intention. It's perfect...
- Wait a minute.
Let me get this straight.
Are you trying to tell me that...
...you want me to be in your movie?
Well, I mean...
...that is, if you've got
five minutes, and...
...you know, if you'd like to be
in a Hollywood film, sure.
I don't know, l...
Avila, call Clint and see
if they're ready, okay?
- And tell them that we have Officer...
- Williams.
Officer Williams here,
and we'd like to use him.
God, you sure got
a good-looking smile.
Okay. Hey, old buddy...
...they wanna see his face.
Officer Williams, step down here
by your car for me.
- For just a second, would you, please?
- Sure.
Stand over here or something. Pose.
You know, something like that, huh?
- Yeah.
- All right.
- This is preliminary stuff for the camera.
- Sure.
- Focus, stuff like that.
- Sure.
- How's that?
- Okay?
Yeah, fine.
Just turn the chin around a little.
- Yeah.
- No, no... Just a...
Just give me the chin
a little bit this way.
- That...
- Oh, I see what you mean.
Yeah, you got it.
God, you got a great profile.
Hey, old buddy, they got it
and they say it's A-okay.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Listen, this is what we're gonna do.
Avila and I are gonna get in the car
and go down about two miles, okay?
We're gonna turn around
and come barrel-assing...
...back through this way.
- Then you get in your...
- I get in my car and chase you.
You got it, that's it. Perfect.
Hey, wait a minute.
Don't I gotta put on some makeup?
Makeup?
Hey, does Charlie Bronson wear makeup?
Charlie who?
Bronson.
Oh, yeah. That little guy. Right.
- All right, buddy. Let's go, they're rolling.
- Oh, okay.
Scene 14, take two, hand mark.
Come on, now.
Let me see those pearly whites. Smile.
That's it. Action.
God, can't you turn off the heater?
Either the engine gets hot, or we get hot.
Well, I'm gonna have a stroke.
You're gonna have a stroke?
I should be so lucky.
Because if you don't stop
playing that music...
I can't stand you!
I swear to God, I'm gonna kill you!
I liked Joe.
He was sweet.
Aren't you gonna talk to me anymore?
You gotta admit,
he was a good mechanic.
He fixed the car faster than we could.
Furthermore...
...we didn't lose much time.
We made time, as a matter of fact.
It was love at first sight.
Are you crazy?
Love at first sight?
Out there? The middle of the night?
The middle of a field under the stars?
A girl can't always find
the perfect spot.
I think Roscoe's gonna give it
one more try before L.A.
I didn't hear anything on the radio.
- Maybe he's getting smart.
- Howdy.
Howdy.
Couldn't help but overhear
your conversation.
Wrong, thank you.
- I'm gonna get back on the road.
- No, no.
Too many police cars
go down the road this morning.
- See where they went?
- Nope...
...but I could find out.
Well, you got a deal.
You guys seem to need a rabbit.
- Are you volunteering?
- Oh, listen, listen.
I play, but l... I play for pay.
You want the road cleared out,
it's gonna cost you $500 cash...
...paid in advance.
Five hundred dollars, paid in advance?
Could be worth it.
Yeah, well...
...suit yourselves, okay?
What the hell's
the matter with him?
Don't make babies like this anymore.
Give me six for the lead time, okay?
That's the ugliest car I ever saw.
Looks like a jukebox.
Well, they got them,
right behind me yet.
- Ferrari and a Cobra.
- How far back?
I don't wanna talk about that.
Let's have the money, huh?
That's it, that's it.
There, that's good.
Thanks...
...lieutenant.
- Get out of here.
- Want one of those?
- No, thanks.
You know...
...I smell something.
- You smell something?
Yeah, a weasel in a rabbit suit.
Old Roscoe, huh?
Maybe we're being too cynical.
- We should be more positive, more trusting.
- Oh, get out of here, will you?
Let's go.
Sam.
We're 27 minutes ahead
of last year's schedule.
But Franco's driving again.
Well, with a little bit of luck
and some pure Yankee style...
All right, you two,
on the hill with the other car.
All right, everybody, hear this.
It's plan B. Move out.
Come on, now, move out. Get moving.
Number one, move it. Go in.
Come on, you guys. Let's hustle it here.
Come on!
Take it out of here.
How inadequate.
Fifty-five miles an hour, Roscoe.
No.
Why?
Why me?
You're an asshole, Roscoe, that's why.
Well, good morning to you too.
How can you fall asleep?
lt was easy, you said, "Relax."
And the car is comfortable.
Comfortable? lt's a $40,000 car.
Of course it's comfortable.
When we get to Hollywood,
if you like it so much, I'll buy you one.
- What's the matter with you?
- Hollywood.
Nothing's the matter.
You're so goddamn stupid.
You think you'll walk the streets
of Hollywood, meet a producer...
- What are you talking about?
- He'll make you a movie star.
You told me that if I went...
I told you a lot of things
because you were freaking out on me.
- All I wanted you was... For you to like me.
- I like you.
- For you to be... You like me?
- Yes, I like you.
I been thinking all night...
...and I'll tell you what.
You ain't right for me.
You're a goddamn hustler.
- That's what you are.
- You wanna know who I am?
I'm the girl who's gonna
punch you in the nose.
You don't understand anything about me!
What's that? What the hell is that?
Look at that.
- Oh, what is this?
- Slow down.
Why does it always happen to me?
Believe this?
Wait, I'm trying to drive.
- Slow down.
- I can't. You crazy?
- How am I gonna slow down?
- Would you just...?
I can't see. Look at...
What the hell was that?
What the hell was that?
Oh, my God.
Oh, this is cute.
Oh, my God.
Look what happened.
Hello, smart boy.
You know what we do
to finks and traitors?
- It was a joke, man...
- A joke?
- Sorry, man...
- You're sorry, huh?
- Listen...
- After it's too late to do anything about it?
I am going to mark you
with the gumball gun.
No.
Now you are marked...
...for life!
Vitamin C?
Just for good luck.
You really think we got a chance?
Hey, Roscoe.
- Las Vegas, now arriving...
- Don't ask, Clancy.
- What happened?
Look, I'm tired. All I wanna do
is go home. They beat me.
- You understand?
- Didn't you nail any of them?
- Look, just don't ask me.
- Jesus, Roscoe, all that...
- Clancy!
- Roscoe...
...you look terrible.
Well it's one of those
Los Angeles days, Gene.
We're hovering over the Civic Center.
We can see traffic backing up.
We got a sig alert working
on Santa Monica...
...and the Pasadena is jammed as usual.
Golden State's moving, but just barely.
And the Long Beach is a sea of cars.
Should continue to be like this
for another hour.
Be advised, take surface streets
wherever possible...
...and try to stay calm and composed.
There must be another way.
God, oh, God.
Christ.
The engine is too hot.
I guess we're just a little bit
too smart for them, old buddy.
That's right, my friend.
Smooth sailing to Long Beach.
Yep, I think I'll have me a cigar.
My wife's pregnant.
- Come on, give me a hand, will you?
- Bug off, jerk.
Oh, no.
Avila, no way.
I don't wanna hear it, Avila.
To serve and to protect, huh?
Officer. Right here.
Hold it. Hold it, officer.
Oh, God, thank you, officer.
Help! My wife is pregnant.
She's gonna have the baby.
Her water just broke.
I tried to get these...
They won't help me.
They haven't helped.
Come on. Help me.
You assholes!
Jesus, I'm grateful.
- They don't even care.
- Okay, now.
Just be cool, be calm.
We'll take care of everything.
- Don't... Please don't bite my hand.
- Yeah, you!
Wait! Wait! Wait a minute.
We can use the river.
There's an access road to the right.
It runs all the way to Long Beach.
- No, no. West, west.
- West?
West.
Look at that.
Look at that. That's Bannon.
What the hell? Get off of here.
Get off.
Where's the next one?
On your left.
Okay.
Look out, you damn fool.
- Right out of there.
- You're not allowed down there.
Up yours.
You can't go down there. Stop.
Don't slow down, hit it.
I never raced in a river before.
Okay, the lights are set
for 32 miles per hour.
- Right.
- Just keep going on Sepulveda.
Okay, hang on.
Smile.
What are we going now?
Thirty-two miles an hour.
Looks like we've
got some water coming up.
- I don't see anything.
- How deep is it here?
Here goes.
Hold it. Keep the rims high.
Don't slow it up.
I can't see anything.
Come on. Come on.
Take him. Take him.
Watch out for the slick places.
Let's go. Let's go.
Okay, okay, okay. Let's go.
There's a real big drain coming up.
Really hustle.
All right, now, now.
Now.
You got him. You got him.
Where do we turn?
What are they doing?
Into it, into it.
Turn coming up. Turn coming up.
Where's Franco now?
Damn it!
What do you say, Franco?
Block him on this turn.
Stay on him, Sam.
- Ride him. Ride him.
- Watch out.
Hang on. Hang on, now.
- Change your gear.
- Move, now. Move, move, move.
I tell you what
the trouble is with you, Ace.
You don't have a sense of humor.
This is rigged for fun.
- Don't talk to me.
- Well, come on, buddy, cheer up.
We're just about there.
Just about smell
the Queen Mary's butt.
Where the hell
do you think you're going?
Now this is style.
We'll come whipping in on two wheels.
Hey, I've seen you do it 100 times.
I practiced.
Think I can get in the show?
I think you're making a mistake.
No, I got this on the road.
Damn. Almost had it.
What do you think I did wrong?
I think I'm gonna be sick.
It's a wreck or something.
It always happens when I'm in a hurry.
Oh, my God.
You wrecked my car, you jerk.
You dumb jerk, look at my car.
What do you think you're doing?
You got a driver's license?
You people see what he did to my car?
I don't care. I have no money.
If you wanna put me in jail,
it's okay with me, I can use the sleep.
I was just about to get
the car repainted anyway.
Oh, this is my girlfriend, Angie,
from New York.
Are you sure everything's okay,
Mr. Blakely?
You wouldn't happen to be
an actress, would you, Miss?
Blanche. Why, yes. How'd you guess?
Well, you have what we call...
...presence.
Well, if it bothers you,
I can put on my jacket.
Why don't we go inside.
I have to do a lot of entertaining.
I'm in the movie business,
and it's part of the game.
Go, baby!
What's the matter...?
What's the matter with you?
Am I clear?
Yes, you're clear.
Cut them off, cut them off.
Good going.
Just make it to that parking lot.
It's only two miles.
No problem. Relax, relax.
Clear on your right.
There it is.
Let's hope
Emergency Plan Alpha works.
Emergency Plan Alpha?
Go.
Get them, damn it, quick.
Oh, that's a cheap move.
Terrific.
Take them.
On the right. On the right.
I got it, I got it, I got it.
Get him now.
Okay.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
I've been waiting for you.
What took you so long?
- Hey.
- It worked. It worked.
It's a trap. Get out of here.
Oh, no. Jesus.
- I'll come back.
- Wait, Franco.
Franco.
Franco, wait. Franco.
Thirty-three hours and 57 minutes.
A new record. How's that, Mike?
- Great going, Sam.
- I thought you were in traffic.
Smith was going down.
Hey, two more.
Alice and Jane and the cops.
I wanna thank my mother, my friends.
I wanna thank my loved ones, you...
Hey, listen, listen. I wanna thank
you guys for me and Mr. Guts.
If you hadn't picked us up, we'd have
still been on the freeways of America.
What do you say we celebrate, huh?
Get over here.
Hey. Shut up. Shut up.
What can I say?
lt just... Just makes me sick.
- Angie.
- Where did he come from?
Angie, baby.
Oh, baby.
Hey, Roscoe.
Roscoe.
Come on, have a drink.
Don't add insult to injury, Bannon.
Maybe next year.
There isn't gonna be any next year.
I'm retiring. You're not gonna have Roscoe
to kick around anymore.
Wouldn't be the same without you.
Someday, Bannon, you and Smith.
Well, you know, I was thinking
about retiring too.
No, really.
It's a raid.
Get those trucks over here.
Hustle, hustle, hustle. Out of the way.
Come on, come on.
Okay, come on, move them out.
That's the ticket. Do that.
What's going on here?
Well, as of 11:00, you are illegally parked.
That's according to California
Vehicle Code number 22658. 22658.
- I want your name.
- Get on, man.
At any rate, the fines will be levied,
and they will be hauled away.
Perfect.
Move them out. That's right.
Come on, let's go.
Let's go.
Move them out. That's the idea.
Get that one going.
Come on, come on, move it along.
Move it along here. Come on.
Get out of here.
That's right, that's right. All right.
Hey, hey.
- We're a bit late.
- I hope we didn't miss the fun.
Maybe next year.
How are you gonna get back to New York?
I hadn't given it much thought.
This is ridiculous.
Where do you get cars around here?
Come on, it's America, babe.
Gumball.
Gumball.
- Gumball.
- Gumball.
- Gumball.
- Gumball.
He's here.
- What the hell is he doing?
- Looks like his throttle is stuck.
Oh, shit!
expenditures...
...of $2,845,000...
...were reported.
These expenditures were primarily...
...by "primarily," I mean about
96 percent of these expenditures...
...were for Richter's
two main retail brands.
These brands made up
over 85 percent...
...of the company profits
in the last fiscal year.
An increase of some 14 percent
from the previous year.
This increase is based on sales
of $ 16,800,000.
Total sales were up only $200,000...
...in the last fiscal year.
Even with an increase
in advertising expenditures...
...of $872,000.
So while the sales...
...of Whiz Bam and Cherry Poppie Balls
are up...
...sales for their retail brand,
Chocorama...
Yeah, Smith.
Gumball.
Would you repeat that?
Gumball.
Okay, let's wrap it up for today,
gentlemen. Thank you.
Gumball!
Will you take a look at this for me?
Here we go.
To him who accepts the challenge.
- Know what he's talking about?
- To him who risks all...
...comes the satisfaction of victory...
...and a sense of physical
well-being in return for...
I want you to get this.
In return for hardship...
...exhaustion, discomfort.
Ponos. Thank you very much.
- Hi, Sam.
- Bannon.
It's on. We're go.
Look, I've been giving this matter
a lot of thought...
...and look, you don't
have anything to lose.
I mean, to you this thing is just a stunt.
I've got a position at this university.
I've got a shot at tenure.
All I have to do is stay out of trouble
a couple more years.
I can't risk that.
It's not a risk.
It's a challenge.
Hey, get out of the way!
What's the matter with you? Are you deaf?
I can't eat with all this noise going on.
Come on. Let's take him.
Car 34, come in.
This is car 34, over.
Yeah, we got a telegram for you clowns.
Does "gumball" mean anything to you?
Negative, 10-4.
Let's go.
- Beside the point.
- I've got chicken in the oven.
Hi, Oscar.
The kids' clothes are all laid out.
Okay, don't worry.
Just have a good time.
- I will.
- Bye, Oscar. See you.
- Have a good time.
- Kids, be good. Listen to your daddy.
You'd think she was planning
the D-day invasion...
...instead of a weekend in the country.
Attention, please. All passengers...
Excuse me. Thank you.
Hi. Smoking.
Be careful. Be careful.
Andy, you know how often my wife
tried to get me to get rid of this car?
Well, that's German machinery for you.
The car outlasted her.
Sedately, Barney...
...as befits our years and station in life.
Of course.
Ace Preston, Mr. Guts himself,
is in the white car revving up.
He will attempt the death-defying
Russian T-bone.
There he goes,
and where he stops nobody knows.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Ace Preston on the high speed.
Go, Ace, go.
Ladies and gentlemen...
- What do you say, buddy?
- I didn't have time to change.
- Aren't you excited about this thing?
- No, I'll be glad when it's over.
Well, I don't expect to live forever.
Don't worry, kid, you won't.
Excuse me, may I give you a flower?
I am a stranger in this country.
And I've never seen
such a beautiful woman in all my life.
You see, I would like to know,
maybe you could inform me of a...
Here we are, old buddy.
New York, New York. The Big Apple.
I feel ready. I'm pumping up.
I feel pumped up.
Yeah.
Franco.
- Fine, thank you, and you?
- Good.
- How's the bambino?
- She's full of gas. She's wait for you.
Hey, you make a good Italian.
Lieutenant Roscoe?
Mike Pakowsky, N.Y.P.D.
- How are you?
- The car's outside.
I'll take you downtown now.
I got a brother-in-law in L.A.
Two marties and a double Man.
Gumball.
They're coming in now.
All of them.
I'm gonna stay here on the stakeout.
It's 9:05.
I'll check in again at 10.
Graves.
In through that way.
Right through that door
there's a banquet room.
Thank you.
- It's just a misunderstanding.
- That's what you call it.
I call it a lie.
- It's after 9:30. That's the deadline.
- Shall we close it up, Mr. Bannon?
Yeah. Put Fred on the door.
I want that room sealed.
Ladies, gentlemen...
...you have been selected because
you have the necessary skills.
You are here because you have
the determination to succeed.
Now, it won't be as easy as last year.
There are some who will use
any means to try and stop us.
Some of you won't make it.
For those of you who do...
...there will be no glory, no headlines.
But...
...just a few magic hours
flat-out against the red line...
...with no catalytic converter...
...and no 55-mile-an-hour speed limit.
Ladies and gentlemen...
...the Gumball Rally has begun.
For those of you who've never
done this before...
...I think I better go over the rules.
The first thing to remember
is that there are no rules.
The first vehicle to reach the parking lot
at the Queen Mary in Long Beach...
...is the winner, the unofficial winner.
Because this is an unofficial race.
And so it follows that none of us
are really in this race.
We don't want any civilian involvement.
No accidents, please.
Remember, it's 2900 miles.
That, 34 hours and 11 minutes,
is the record.
Set last year by our dear friend
Mr. Bannon.
Now I know we all ought
to get some rest tonight.
But may I?
I'd like to propose a toast.
To internal combustion...
...and wind in the face.
You know, I think Roscoe's got a grudge
against you, Smitty, from last year.
Hey, why do I always get blamed
for everything anyway?
Because you're a schemer.
It's gonna be a lot different
from last year anyway, you know.
Yeah, I noticed.
- You brought a real ringer with you.
- A what?
Well, you know, your friend Franco.
What do you mean? What's he ever won?
Le Mans, Grand Prix de Monaco,
what does that mean?
He's coming along
because he's a real nice guy.
It's like trying to kill
a butterfly with a hammer.
Oh, stop, will you?
You make me feel ashamed of myself.
Oh, Smitty, don't worry.
Sam and I will do our best.
But isn't it funny, though,
sometimes in life when your best...
...just isn't quite good enough,
you know?
- You're still bitter?
- No. No, I'm not.
- Oh, yes, you are.
- No. I'm...
I'm gonna win, that's all.
Don't get overconfident.
Let's flip to see
who takes care of Roscoe.
Oh, yeah, right.
- Tails.
- Wrong.
- Oh, no. Why do I always get him?
- Take care of him the morning of the race.
Mr. McAllister, Mr. Donahue.
Here you are, sir.
Barney, I'm hungry.
- Sorry, sweetheart.
- Bull's-eye.
Hit the trunk, old buddy.
Lookie here. Extra uniforms.
All of them for along the way.
Look at this. Police decals.
All you gotta do is stick them on the doors.
Hey, give me a hand with the lights.
Give it a try.
Can you imagine?
Do you believe that?
You guys, listen to this.
Look, I been figuring...
...with 200 gallons of gas back here...
...we don't have to make
one damn stop, not one.
- Ever seen anything like this?
- No, nice.
Wait till you hear it run, man.
I got that computer information en route.
The weather and the traffic
and the road conditions.
What's the matter, Jose?
Nothing, Mr. Bannon. I'm okay.
Hey, don't let all this stuff get you down.
Hey, I'm fine. What do I care?
I mean, if I wanted to go, I could go.
I mean, it's a free country, right?
I mean, this whole race is unofficial,
so I'm as unofficial as you are.
See, if I wanted to go, I'd go.
If I had a car.
It's my girlfriend, you see.
She tells me yesterday,
"No more dates on the subway."
I tell you something.
In this country, you ain't nothing...
...if you got no wheels.
Oh, I don't know.
You been on the roads lately?
The age of the motorcar is over.
- Hey, is it okay if I take a few hours off?
- Sure.
Okay, kill it. Kill it.
Hurry up. I'm gonna have to redo
everything you've done.
Gee, Mike, what'd you think
this was, a vintage-car event?
Well, Smitty, some things
get meaner as they get older.
Well, it's real cute. Very fast.
Very uncomfortable.
That's good, though. It's macho.
That's good for you.
That old Smitty. You know,
we've been competing in everything:
Sports, school, girls.
Twenty years of competition
can sometimes get out of hand.
Why didn't he buy
the rest of the Ferrari team?
- I'm not so sure he didn't.
- Hey, where is that Italian flash anyway?
Franco? Hasn't showed up all day.
- He's probably resting up.
- Yeah, getting his plugs cleaned.
I must go now, my darling.
Will you write?
lf I can.
I mean, I never met anyone
who's gone to Borneo.
It is not a pleasure trip.
Be careful, Franco.
I cannot do the work I must
and also be careful.
- Then be lucky.
- That's better.
This is Red Fox to Barracuda.
Red Fox to Barracuda.
Now, I figure they're gonna leave late
tonight or early tomorrow morning.
As soon as I see them go,
I'll let you know.
And I want roadblocks on every bridge
and tunnel going west. Do you copy?
Now, as the contract reads,
no driving after 6 p.m.
Not to exceed 55 miles per hour.
- You're bonded?
- Of course.
Mr. Blakely is a connoisseur
of fine automobiles.
But for California driving,
he's especially fond of this one.
Minga.
You may go.
Sure.
Gently, gently.
Drive carefully.
Jesus. It's a hit.
We still haven't got the food.
What are we gonna eat?
Oh, Franco, where you been? Your mother
called. She's been looking for you.
Now you make jokes on my mother?
No, no, about your mother,
not on your mother, Franco.
I wouldn't get on your mother.
Just like in Monte Carlo. Jokes.
You insult me, you insult my family,
you insult my country...
...my honor, my dignity you insult!
I warned you!
But you wouldn't listen!
No more jokes.
You see this?
No more jokes!
Very good, Franco.
- You like?
- Yeah, it's very nice.
Where is the...? The professore.
Professore in the pee-pee.
Are you always like this?
Franco is ready.
The race can begin.
Here we go, Andy.
Porsche, two.
- Good for you.
- Six for the Dodge.
- All right.
- Cobra, four.
Three, Ferrari.
Jaguar, 10.
Take your number there.
Number one.
Number eight. Who's holding eight?
lt's Lapchik, the lone eagle.
Those are your starting positions.
Jose will start every vehicle.
You got something to do.
You're starting times will be
registered here and in Long Beach.
And your elapsed time will all be verified.
So that's it. Let's get some rest.
It's done, brother.
Go.
Okay. Get ready.
All right, ladies and gentlemen,
start your engines.
And now, my friend...
...the first rule of Italian driving.
What's behind me is not important.
Buddy, here's to us,
and that we get there first.
Give New York one of those famous
rebel yells of yours when we hit the street.
You know, just to start my blood.
Camaro, 6:00. Go.
- Porsche, 6 and 10.
- Go.
- It's going down.
- Off.
What's the matter with you?
Where are you?
- Cobra, 6:00 and 30 seconds.
- Go.
They're not gonna do it again.
Mercedes, 6 and 40. Go.
You animal.
51 st Street.
Bravo. Times Square.
It's gonna be a nice day.
Good morning.
Good morning to you.
Miserable son of a bitch.
Hey, fella, can you loan me a dime?
- Drop your pants.
- Look, I'm a cop on the job.
I'm Robin Hood.
- Drop them.
- Okay.
- Real easy, fella.
- Drop them.
It's okay, it's okay.
Okay, just stay calm.
Honk if you're horny.
Hit it.
Hit it.
Put your foot in it.
- You can't go back. It's one-way.
- What do you want me to do?
- Will you calm down?
- You should've checked the route.
I mean, wait, you blaming me?
Damn it. This is one-way too.
I am only going one way.
Wake up, meatheads. Another great day
is starting in New York City, the Big Apple.
Get up, get ready, the Giants won
7-zip, believe it or not.
The Age of Aquarius is really on us.
Now, the Eastern Standard Time
is five minutes past 6:00.
You wanna go fast?
No, that's all right.
We got plenty of time.
Hey! Watch where you're going!
Now we take a left over here, right?
But we gotta go left.
Look out, Joe! You're gonna ruin the car.
What's the matter with you?
Will you take it easy for God sakes?
Joey, slow down a minute.
- Wait a minute. Make a left.
- I'm not lost, so shut up.
Hey, did you know
there's a hole back there?
No shit.
And a hungry smile.
Can you look hungry?
This is Uncle Bruce.
Hussy, get hungry. Hungry,
$ 150-a-night hungry, for me.
You know the feeling.
Good, good, I like that. I love that.
I love that look. Fan. Hungry fans.
Click. Thank you. Thank you.
That's the end of the session.
It's been all right.
Hey, baby. How do you like it?
Oh, terrific. You stole it, right?
Come on, I'm in a rush. Come on, get in.
Let me have that, here.
- So how do you like it, huh?
- This is real class.
I mean, real class.
Come on, turn it on.
- What, is this the switch?
- That's it.
Hey, maybe we should wait.
Christ, if this thing works...
Some city you got here.
I didn't know what size.
I said, better too big than too little.
- Did you get any?
- We didn't put it up.
- We were waiting to hear from you.
- They snipped my radio.
- How about your car?
- The wheels fell off.
Oh, those guys sound mean.
- Take me to the airport.
- Now?
Hey, you gotta learn
to roll with the punches, Roscoe.
Harold, how you been?
Hey, that's Crazy Harold.
How long do we have to drive anyway?
lf we're lucky, about 35 hours.
- Where we going, Cuba?
- No, Long Beach, California.
- Stop.
- No, I can't.
No, no, stop.
You pull over to the side and stop.
- Let me out.
- I forgot to tell you something.
- I'm in a race, and I can't go back.
- I don't care.
- I'm getting out.
- You gotta stay.
- Just pull over, or I'm jumping.
- No, wait a minute.
Close that door.
Take it easy, now. Just take it easy.
We'll get there.
From the garage to the Jersey Turnpike,
six minutes, 58 seconds.
- That's 15 seconds better than last year.
- Terrific.
You got the snooper working?
- Get a weather report on the CB.
- You got it.
All you truckers out there,
this is Big Ben in Jolly Green.
We got a little light snow
coming in from Pennsylvania.
Roll on, yellow Camaro.
Exact change, 25 cents.
Well, we're heading south.
We got plenty of open road.
- You're a spastic.
- I was also all-state in basketball.
- That's it. No more quarters.
- Get out of the car.
- You got a quarter?
- Get out of the car.
Get that tin can out of the way.
- Where do you think it is?
- Under the car.
- What?
- Under the car.
If I was a quarter, where would I be?
Where did it go?
Pull on through. Park in section D.
How about explaining that last move?
- What's a Smokey the Bear?
- Highway patrol.
- Plain brown wrapper?
- City policeman.
Unmarked car? Police car.
- County Mountie?
- County sheriff.
- And a local yokel?
- City policeman.
You're so smart. Next time out I'll
make sure you get a driver's license.
Well, happy hunting, Roscoe.
Sorry about the pants.
And you call yourself New York's finest.
Well, I got you all out of New York.
See you later, Sir Roscoe.
Taxi.
- The crusade is straight ahead.
- Taxi.
Now, our crew is going ahead in a plane.
They got spare parts,
everything we're gonna need.
Now, I've got all these stops here
marked and coordinated.
Beautiful.
- What the hell are you doing?
- She is magnificent.
Look, this is a race, man.
Some things are more important
than winning.
Maybe the float's stuck.
Maybe it's humidity.
England is humid.
I feel like Moses
at the parting of the Red Sea.
- Hey, man, this is no good.
- What's the matter, huh?
Well, take a look. It's too easy.
Yeah. Yeah, it's too easy
until somebody nails us.
This is Flying Lasagna
coming into the oven, do you copy?
The oven is hot.
See that gas station? Let's pull off there.
Let's get ready. One man take them...
- Brilliant. Brilliant.
- Thank you.
- Preston?
- What do you want?
I gotta take a leak.
No, I won't stop
so you can take a piss.
- There's a bottle in the back.
- I can't do that.
- I'm not gonna stop till we need gas.
- I can't hold it, buddy.
I'm telling you, use the bottle.
I tried this once going 60.
Didn't work then.
Well, if you're coordinated,
once you start, you won't stop.
Hey. Come on.
Stop.
I'm getting this all over my hands.
My hands are wet.
You're a dumb son of a bitch sometimes.
I don't know why I hang around with you.
I wouldn't have done this to you.
Those dirty son of a bitches.
I hope there's tough justice in Illinois.
I wanna nail them, sheriff,
and this ought to do it.
- Then what?
- Then I'm gonna turn them over to you.
And you can throw away the key. You'll
be doing this country a favor, that's what.
Now we can start running.
How's our time?
Right on schedule.
I wonder what old Roscoe
is doing now.
Developing an ulcer.
Steady, huh?
She is happy.
They're coming.
Goddamn, was that Roscoe?
I wonder if he set us up.
Oh, terrific.
I got them now.
Jeez, I'd love to see the look on their faces.
- How fast are you going?
- Just 100.
- Well, let's hit it, avanti.
- Thank you, my dear friend.
- Jesus, we're going over 100 knots.
- Well, come on. Step it up, buddy.
- Hey, what's the matter?
- Sir, we can't catch them.
He must be going 180 miles per hour.
We don't even have a fixed-wing airplane
that can catch that.
Now what?
Take me to the airport.
It's a handsome design.
I wish it ran.
I'm gonna tell you.
This thing handles like a pig.
It'll get better.
Wait till we use up some gas.
This thing's a bear to handle.
- What the hell, Harry?
- I don't know, did we break anything?
- Maybe we better stop.
- Are you kidding?
- I think it's all right.
- Roll on.
What's wrong with him?
I think he's having a nightmare.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
- Fire. Fire.
- You can't outrun it, you asshole.
Pull that thing off the road.
I hope you learn from this experience.
I made this drive once before
in 1946 in a Mercury coupe.
- Is that so?
- But it's different now.
- Yes, newer roads, older bodies.
- Yeah, too much, too late.
But if I have to die, Andy,
I want to die trying.
Good.
Would you say that man Lapchik
has a certain joie de vivre?
I'd say he's possessed
of a severe case of masochism.
I think it was a meteor,
that's what it was.
- You okay, huh? You okay?
- Yeah, I think so.
Who's that guy?
- Keep your eye on the road.
- Just getting my rhythm up.
Keep up the speed, will you?
I am keeping up the speed.
It's so boring out here...
...my mind's drifting.
This is America, Gibson.
America's not boring.
Yeah, well, motel signs, caf signs,
one-way signs, "do not enter" signs...
...and every other kind of sign,
it all looks the same to me.
Now, back there we saw a reptile farm.
That's more right down my alley.
Get my hands on a boa contractor.
The word is "constrictor."
And don't slow down. Move it.
- Why did I pick him for a mechanic?
- Because I'm the best, that's why.
Oh, what in the name of farm corn
did he come from?
I told you to keep your eyes on the road.
How am I supposed to keep my eyes
on the road, have a good time...
...think about my girlfriend
and do all that? Tell me.
You're a product of too much inbreeding.
Watch out, P.D.
Hit it. You got yours.
It's those damn fake cops.
- Will you move it now?
- Damn it if you can't take a joke.
I wanna go home.
You say you wanna be a movie star,
that you wanna be somebody.
I mean, you take acting classes,
you take dance classes, you work hard.
Where the hell do you think
you're gonna be discovered?
Standing on a corner in Queens?
I mean, baby, listen, now...
...in Hollywood.
- Do you really think so?
- Baby, I really like you.
You should try to be nice to me.
You know, you should try to understand.
I do.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Don't grab the wheel.
Brake!
Hey, you!
Jesus Christ.
Whitey, Whitey, you okay, boy?
Talk to me.
Hello out there, this is Hoosier.
I'm a-coming in from the Cactus Patch.
Rolling on to Derby City.
Got Smokeys all over 40
giving out green stamps...
...as you ride the cloverleaf
into the Buckeye, hear?
You can put the hammer down
and watch out for two little beavers...
...in a black speedboat
coming your way, as they are broken.
They got ears. Do you copy?
That damn Smith.
He's the one who links up all this mess.
He's a damned overaged juvenile delinquent,
and I want him.
- I wanna suspend his license in perpetuity.
- Who's Smith?
The thorn in my side, captain.
The cloud over my head.
Baker spotted them about five miles back.
They should be here soon. They're flying.
They must be doing over 160.
I never saw anything so damn fast.
I got them. Get everybody in position.
Come on, let's go get them.
See this truck up here?
Pull in behind it and blow the horn.
Fantastic.
I thought you'd like that.
Bravo, bravo!
Maybe they stopped.
Send a car up the road.
- What's up?
- Any speeders pass you back there?
- Nobody passed me within 15 miles.
- Okay, get out of here.
What happened? Somebody rob a bank?
None of your damn business.
Just move it out.
There's no sign of them anywhere.
Well, they couldn't just
have vanished into thin air.
I'll be a son of a...
Where are you going?
Follow me.
Open it up.
Open it!
Are you happy?
Get it out of here.
It's so easy on these interstates.
Can you imagine making this trip
at 55 miles an hour?
- Fifty-five miles an hour is unsafe.
- It's boring.
That's why it's unsafe.
Well, it's fast enough to kill you, but it's
slow enough to make you think you're safe.
What time have you got?
- Six o'clock.
- Great. Twelve hours.
One-third of the trip.
I think it's terminal.
This is Casey Kasem
on American Top 40.
In Colorado Springs...
...you're listening to Casey Kasem's
American Top 40, on KYFM...
...where the temperature
is now 34 degrees and dropping.
Hey, hey, fella. What's the matter?
You cold or something?
Hey, hey.
Hey, hey. Take it easy, okay?
Everything's gonna be okay.
Stay calm, okay? Stay calm. Okay?
Okay, Dr Pepper?
- Okay.
- Chop-chop. Let's go, huh?
Okay, let's make it. Hey, my man.
Boy, attaboy.
- There's those damn fake cops.
- They see us?
Let's not wait around to find out.
Yeah, it's Oklahoma.
Land of the red man.
Land of the cowboy.
Land of the cow and the dog.
Sailing, Ace.
You're sailing, buddy.
- I don't believe it.
- What?
lt's those guys.
I think they're gonna pull the same stunt.
- They must think you're stupid.
- Yeah...
Boy, that car moves.
Well, put it on 140.
If he catches us, I'll eat my Airedale.
Hey, that's a real sheriff, man.
That is a real sheriff.
I'll get you, you mother...
He lost his engine.
Go get them, fellas. Get them.
Go get them. He went that way.
Catch up to them. Hurry. Hurry. Hurry.
I thought you said you could drive.
What the hell you talking about?
There was oil there on the road.
Fill it up, please.
Shut it off. Shut if off.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- Where are you going?
- Los Angeles.
- Driving all night?
- Yes.
- Alone?
- Yes.
- You like me?
- Yes.
Excuse, one moment. Don't go away.
I have a small problem.
- A small problem, huh?
- Oh, yeah, I'm sure you do. Forget it...
She's very sweet.
- She's got breasts like ripe melons.
- Forget it, will you? Come on. Let's go.
She's beautiful. She wants me now.
I cannot deny her.
That's impossible.
- She's so sweet. We can make up the time.
- Impossible. Forget it.
- Get in the car, will you?
- No. No, no. I don't get into the car, no.
Okay.
I'll see you later.
Arrivederci, my friend.
- I hate beer.
- Yeah, you hate everything.
- I'm getting real bored lately.
- What you're getting is real boring lately.
- Did you see that one?
- Foreign job.
- Yeah, and it had two girls in it.
- Let's go. Go, go.
We got a terrific stretch of road
the next 25 miles.
Don't do anything weird, Joe.
The last time they locked us up.
Don't worry about it.
These dollies are ready.
Hey, they're kind of cute.
- Oh, you gotta be kidding.
- Yeah.
Maybe I'll just tease them a little bit
and have some fun.
- Howdy, ma'am.
- Howdy, mister.
Hey, where do you wind this thing up?
- Hey, you old enough to drink?
- I'm old enough to do a lot of things.
Did I tell you? Did I tell you? Hey,
slow that thing down. It's gonna break.
- What do you want to do, play doctor?
- Oh, I'm in love. I'm in love.
Sweetheart, if you catch me...
...you can have me.
Are you kidding?
Go. Go.
Go. This is a dream come true.
Get on them.
- Go.
- That was really dumb.
Oh, they'll never catch up with us.
Drive, Earl. Drive.
Well, goddamn,
Franco's gonna miss all the fun.
Goddamn.
- Where's Franco?
- We must have lost him somewhere.
It's a difficult thing to think about
at 2:00 in the morning.
Well, I guess I can ease up now.
Feeling better?
Oh, my God.
Well?
Andy, I need an inspiration.
- Yes, it's that time of morning.
- Something to make the blood hot.
What would you say
to a bit of Henry V?
Oh, you're a mind reader.
Once more into the breach, dear friends,
once more.
Follow your spirit,
and on this charge cry:
"God for Harry,
England and St. George!"
Christ.
I hope Lapchik the mad Hungarian
sees that.
He came off right here.
He's gotta be down there.
Man, he's gotta be down there.
Hey. Hey, fella, you all right?
They're gonna be leaving Nevada
on Interstate 15.
That's the way they're gonna be coming.
Through this junction.
- We haven't had too much luck before.
- Yeah, but they were forewarned.
They've got CB radios.
They can listen to everything we say.
There was no way around it.
I can't understand how, but they did it.
This time, this time,
it's gonna be planned.
- Really planned.
- Boy, you really want them bad.
Gentlemen, this is Roscoe's last stand.
Don't let go of the accelerator.
For you, you lovely American animal.
Remember Franco.
Quickest man I know.
Bye. Bye.
What the hell?
- She can drive, huh?
- Yeah. Bannon and Graves got by last night.
Well, let them have
their brief moment of glory.
Yeah. We'll be in Nevada pretty soon.
Nevada. Las Vegas.
City le sensuale. The dancing girls
with the bouncing boom-booms.
Oh, shut up, will you, with that.
- Look at that piece there.
- What's that car?
- That's a Rolls Royce.
- Ain't she sweet.
She looks lonely.
I love it, I love it.
Hey, come on, Angie, come on. Let's go.
Come on, let's get her.
Come on, cut that cleaning crap.
Get in the car.
- I wanna get a Coke.
- Get your ass in the car. Come on, Angie.
Angie.
I ain't gonna hurt you.
- Angie.
- Let's look at your bicentennial flag.
Come on, baby, it's gonna be
you, you, me and all my friends.
Hey, send her out.
Oh, jeez.
Hey, come on out, we won't hurt you.
- Come on.
- Get out.
I'm gonna get you, faggot.
Go.
You watch that bike.
I'm warning you, you little...
Look what you did.
You got some nerve to go out
and get some Coca-Cola.
Come on, go, go. Let's get them.
Those pigs.
Oh, shit, they coming after us.
Oh, you know
what's gonna happen now?
They gonna rape you,
and they gonna kill me.
Really? Maybe they'll kill me
and rape you.
- Do something.
- What?
- I don't know.
- Christ, I hate this country.
Oh, shit. Hey, old buddy.
Wake up, man. Lookie here.
- What now?
- Oh, Jesus.
Turn back 6 yards, then punt.
You know, you fellows were doing
just about 90.
Really?
Okay, okay, okay. Cut, cut, cut.
Hey. Hey, man. Was it me?
The line was supposed to be:
"Let me explain."
Oh, damn.
Sure is a funny-looking police car.
Say...
...what police department
you fellas from anyway?
- None.
- Impersonating an officer, huh?
- Turn around. Stand easy against the car.
- Hey.
Oh, come on.
We... We're on film right now.
What do you mean, you're on film?
What, are you making a movie?
Yeah, sure. I mean, the camera's right
up there on that mountaintop.
Well, nobody informed me about that.
Well, that's obvious. I mean, you think
we'd be riding in this rinky-dink police car...
...with chocolate cookies on the dashboard
if it weren't for a movie?
Well, I wouldn't know anything about that.
All I know is the law's still the law.
Listen, officer, you...
I mean, absolutely, you're right.
I mean, we were speeding, but...
Oh, hey, wait a minute. This is perfect.
You could help us.
Help you? Help you do what?
Sure.
Sure, the whole mise en scene...
...that leads into the exposition,
and the dnouement...
...and the intention. It's perfect...
- Wait a minute.
Let me get this straight.
Are you trying to tell me that...
...you want me to be in your movie?
Well, I mean...
...that is, if you've got
five minutes, and...
...you know, if you'd like to be
in a Hollywood film, sure.
I don't know, l...
Avila, call Clint and see
if they're ready, okay?
- And tell them that we have Officer...
- Williams.
Officer Williams here,
and we'd like to use him.
God, you sure got
a good-looking smile.
Okay. Hey, old buddy...
...they wanna see his face.
Officer Williams, step down here
by your car for me.
- For just a second, would you, please?
- Sure.
Stand over here or something. Pose.
You know, something like that, huh?
- Yeah.
- All right.
- This is preliminary stuff for the camera.
- Sure.
- Focus, stuff like that.
- Sure.
- How's that?
- Okay?
Yeah, fine.
Just turn the chin around a little.
- Yeah.
- No, no... Just a...
Just give me the chin
a little bit this way.
- That...
- Oh, I see what you mean.
Yeah, you got it.
God, you got a great profile.
Hey, old buddy, they got it
and they say it's A-okay.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Listen, this is what we're gonna do.
Avila and I are gonna get in the car
and go down about two miles, okay?
We're gonna turn around
and come barrel-assing...
...back through this way.
- Then you get in your...
- I get in my car and chase you.
You got it, that's it. Perfect.
Hey, wait a minute.
Don't I gotta put on some makeup?
Makeup?
Hey, does Charlie Bronson wear makeup?
Charlie who?
Bronson.
Oh, yeah. That little guy. Right.
- All right, buddy. Let's go, they're rolling.
- Oh, okay.
Scene 14, take two, hand mark.
Come on, now.
Let me see those pearly whites. Smile.
That's it. Action.
God, can't you turn off the heater?
Either the engine gets hot, or we get hot.
Well, I'm gonna have a stroke.
You're gonna have a stroke?
I should be so lucky.
Because if you don't stop
playing that music...
I can't stand you!
I swear to God, I'm gonna kill you!
I liked Joe.
He was sweet.
Aren't you gonna talk to me anymore?
You gotta admit,
he was a good mechanic.
He fixed the car faster than we could.
Furthermore...
...we didn't lose much time.
We made time, as a matter of fact.
It was love at first sight.
Are you crazy?
Love at first sight?
Out there? The middle of the night?
The middle of a field under the stars?
A girl can't always find
the perfect spot.
I think Roscoe's gonna give it
one more try before L.A.
I didn't hear anything on the radio.
- Maybe he's getting smart.
- Howdy.
Howdy.
Couldn't help but overhear
your conversation.
Wrong, thank you.
- I'm gonna get back on the road.
- No, no.
Too many police cars
go down the road this morning.
- See where they went?
- Nope...
...but I could find out.
Well, you got a deal.
You guys seem to need a rabbit.
- Are you volunteering?
- Oh, listen, listen.
I play, but l... I play for pay.
You want the road cleared out,
it's gonna cost you $500 cash...
...paid in advance.
Five hundred dollars, paid in advance?
Could be worth it.
Yeah, well...
...suit yourselves, okay?
What the hell's
the matter with him?
Don't make babies like this anymore.
Give me six for the lead time, okay?
That's the ugliest car I ever saw.
Looks like a jukebox.
Well, they got them,
right behind me yet.
- Ferrari and a Cobra.
- How far back?
I don't wanna talk about that.
Let's have the money, huh?
That's it, that's it.
There, that's good.
Thanks...
...lieutenant.
- Get out of here.
- Want one of those?
- No, thanks.
You know...
...I smell something.
- You smell something?
Yeah, a weasel in a rabbit suit.
Old Roscoe, huh?
Maybe we're being too cynical.
- We should be more positive, more trusting.
- Oh, get out of here, will you?
Let's go.
Sam.
We're 27 minutes ahead
of last year's schedule.
But Franco's driving again.
Well, with a little bit of luck
and some pure Yankee style...
All right, you two,
on the hill with the other car.
All right, everybody, hear this.
It's plan B. Move out.
Come on, now, move out. Get moving.
Number one, move it. Go in.
Come on, you guys. Let's hustle it here.
Come on!
Take it out of here.
How inadequate.
Fifty-five miles an hour, Roscoe.
No.
Why?
Why me?
You're an asshole, Roscoe, that's why.
Well, good morning to you too.
How can you fall asleep?
lt was easy, you said, "Relax."
And the car is comfortable.
Comfortable? lt's a $40,000 car.
Of course it's comfortable.
When we get to Hollywood,
if you like it so much, I'll buy you one.
- What's the matter with you?
- Hollywood.
Nothing's the matter.
You're so goddamn stupid.
You think you'll walk the streets
of Hollywood, meet a producer...
- What are you talking about?
- He'll make you a movie star.
You told me that if I went...
I told you a lot of things
because you were freaking out on me.
- All I wanted you was... For you to like me.
- I like you.
- For you to be... You like me?
- Yes, I like you.
I been thinking all night...
...and I'll tell you what.
You ain't right for me.
You're a goddamn hustler.
- That's what you are.
- You wanna know who I am?
I'm the girl who's gonna
punch you in the nose.
You don't understand anything about me!
What's that? What the hell is that?
Look at that.
- Oh, what is this?
- Slow down.
Why does it always happen to me?
Believe this?
Wait, I'm trying to drive.
- Slow down.
- I can't. You crazy?
- How am I gonna slow down?
- Would you just...?
I can't see. Look at...
What the hell was that?
What the hell was that?
Oh, my God.
Oh, this is cute.
Oh, my God.
Look what happened.
Hello, smart boy.
You know what we do
to finks and traitors?
- It was a joke, man...
- A joke?
- Sorry, man...
- You're sorry, huh?
- Listen...
- After it's too late to do anything about it?
I am going to mark you
with the gumball gun.
No.
Now you are marked...
...for life!
Vitamin C?
Just for good luck.
You really think we got a chance?
Hey, Roscoe.
- Las Vegas, now arriving...
- Don't ask, Clancy.
- What happened?
Look, I'm tired. All I wanna do
is go home. They beat me.
- You understand?
- Didn't you nail any of them?
- Look, just don't ask me.
- Jesus, Roscoe, all that...
- Clancy!
- Roscoe...
...you look terrible.
Well it's one of those
Los Angeles days, Gene.
We're hovering over the Civic Center.
We can see traffic backing up.
We got a sig alert working
on Santa Monica...
...and the Pasadena is jammed as usual.
Golden State's moving, but just barely.
And the Long Beach is a sea of cars.
Should continue to be like this
for another hour.
Be advised, take surface streets
wherever possible...
...and try to stay calm and composed.
There must be another way.
God, oh, God.
Christ.
The engine is too hot.
I guess we're just a little bit
too smart for them, old buddy.
That's right, my friend.
Smooth sailing to Long Beach.
Yep, I think I'll have me a cigar.
My wife's pregnant.
- Come on, give me a hand, will you?
- Bug off, jerk.
Oh, no.
Avila, no way.
I don't wanna hear it, Avila.
To serve and to protect, huh?
Officer. Right here.
Hold it. Hold it, officer.
Oh, God, thank you, officer.
Help! My wife is pregnant.
She's gonna have the baby.
Her water just broke.
I tried to get these...
They won't help me.
They haven't helped.
Come on. Help me.
You assholes!
Jesus, I'm grateful.
- They don't even care.
- Okay, now.
Just be cool, be calm.
We'll take care of everything.
- Don't... Please don't bite my hand.
- Yeah, you!
Wait! Wait! Wait a minute.
We can use the river.
There's an access road to the right.
It runs all the way to Long Beach.
- No, no. West, west.
- West?
West.
Look at that.
Look at that. That's Bannon.
What the hell? Get off of here.
Get off.
Where's the next one?
On your left.
Okay.
Look out, you damn fool.
- Right out of there.
- You're not allowed down there.
Up yours.
You can't go down there. Stop.
Don't slow down, hit it.
I never raced in a river before.
Okay, the lights are set
for 32 miles per hour.
- Right.
- Just keep going on Sepulveda.
Okay, hang on.
Smile.
What are we going now?
Thirty-two miles an hour.
Looks like we've
got some water coming up.
- I don't see anything.
- How deep is it here?
Here goes.
Hold it. Keep the rims high.
Don't slow it up.
I can't see anything.
Come on. Come on.
Take him. Take him.
Watch out for the slick places.
Let's go. Let's go.
Okay, okay, okay. Let's go.
There's a real big drain coming up.
Really hustle.
All right, now, now.
Now.
You got him. You got him.
Where do we turn?
What are they doing?
Into it, into it.
Turn coming up. Turn coming up.
Where's Franco now?
Damn it!
What do you say, Franco?
Block him on this turn.
Stay on him, Sam.
- Ride him. Ride him.
- Watch out.
Hang on. Hang on, now.
- Change your gear.
- Move, now. Move, move, move.
I tell you what
the trouble is with you, Ace.
You don't have a sense of humor.
This is rigged for fun.
- Don't talk to me.
- Well, come on, buddy, cheer up.
We're just about there.
Just about smell
the Queen Mary's butt.
Where the hell
do you think you're going?
Now this is style.
We'll come whipping in on two wheels.
Hey, I've seen you do it 100 times.
I practiced.
Think I can get in the show?
I think you're making a mistake.
No, I got this on the road.
Damn. Almost had it.
What do you think I did wrong?
I think I'm gonna be sick.
It's a wreck or something.
It always happens when I'm in a hurry.
Oh, my God.
You wrecked my car, you jerk.
You dumb jerk, look at my car.
What do you think you're doing?
You got a driver's license?
You people see what he did to my car?
I don't care. I have no money.
If you wanna put me in jail,
it's okay with me, I can use the sleep.
I was just about to get
the car repainted anyway.
Oh, this is my girlfriend, Angie,
from New York.
Are you sure everything's okay,
Mr. Blakely?
You wouldn't happen to be
an actress, would you, Miss?
Blanche. Why, yes. How'd you guess?
Well, you have what we call...
...presence.
Well, if it bothers you,
I can put on my jacket.
Why don't we go inside.
I have to do a lot of entertaining.
I'm in the movie business,
and it's part of the game.
Go, baby!
What's the matter...?
What's the matter with you?
Am I clear?
Yes, you're clear.
Cut them off, cut them off.
Good going.
Just make it to that parking lot.
It's only two miles.
No problem. Relax, relax.
Clear on your right.
There it is.
Let's hope
Emergency Plan Alpha works.
Emergency Plan Alpha?
Go.
Get them, damn it, quick.
Oh, that's a cheap move.
Terrific.
Take them.
On the right. On the right.
I got it, I got it, I got it.
Get him now.
Okay.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
I've been waiting for you.
What took you so long?
- Hey.
- It worked. It worked.
It's a trap. Get out of here.
Oh, no. Jesus.
- I'll come back.
- Wait, Franco.
Franco.
Franco, wait. Franco.
Thirty-three hours and 57 minutes.
A new record. How's that, Mike?
- Great going, Sam.
- I thought you were in traffic.
Smith was going down.
Hey, two more.
Alice and Jane and the cops.
I wanna thank my mother, my friends.
I wanna thank my loved ones, you...
Hey, listen, listen. I wanna thank
you guys for me and Mr. Guts.
If you hadn't picked us up, we'd have
still been on the freeways of America.
What do you say we celebrate, huh?
Get over here.
Hey. Shut up. Shut up.
What can I say?
lt just... Just makes me sick.
- Angie.
- Where did he come from?
Angie, baby.
Oh, baby.
Hey, Roscoe.
Roscoe.
Come on, have a drink.
Don't add insult to injury, Bannon.
Maybe next year.
There isn't gonna be any next year.
I'm retiring. You're not gonna have Roscoe
to kick around anymore.
Wouldn't be the same without you.
Someday, Bannon, you and Smith.
Well, you know, I was thinking
about retiring too.
No, really.
It's a raid.
Get those trucks over here.
Hustle, hustle, hustle. Out of the way.
Come on, come on.
Okay, come on, move them out.
That's the ticket. Do that.
What's going on here?
Well, as of 11:00, you are illegally parked.
That's according to California
Vehicle Code number 22658. 22658.
- I want your name.
- Get on, man.
At any rate, the fines will be levied,
and they will be hauled away.
Perfect.
Move them out. That's right.
Come on, let's go.
Let's go.
Move them out. That's the idea.
Get that one going.
Come on, come on, move it along.
Move it along here. Come on.
Get out of here.
That's right, that's right. All right.
Hey, hey.
- We're a bit late.
- I hope we didn't miss the fun.
Maybe next year.
How are you gonna get back to New York?
I hadn't given it much thought.
This is ridiculous.
Where do you get cars around here?
Come on, it's America, babe.
Gumball.
Gumball.
- Gumball.
- Gumball.
- Gumball.
- Gumball.
He's here.
- What the hell is he doing?
- Looks like his throttle is stuck.
Oh, shit!