Guns Akimbo (2019) Movie Script

You sit on your computers.
Liking pictures
of smiling babies.
Sharing inspirational quotes.
But what you
really wanna see is death.
You click on horrific
news headlines;
violence, destruction,
terrorism, war!
Because it makes
your shitty little lives
seem that little bit
less shitty.
You wanna go viral?
Skizm is the virus.
What the fuck is up people!
My name is Mr. Longshot!
And I'm Daddy Doubletaps,
and we're bringing you
your daily dose
- of the death toll!
- Okay right now,
if you're new here,
real quick,
what we do here
is we rip off
Skizm's stream to bring you
our commentary
'cause we're just the fuckin'
best at it!
Here we go.
Vadim versus Nix.
Head to head.
Who is gonna die today?
She's driving
like a fucking monster!
- Nix. Nix.
- Nix. Nix.
Die. Fuck you.
I get to know
Your name
If I could trace
Your private number, baby
God damn it!
Fuck him.
All I know is that
to me
You look like
you're having fun
to Skizm's tech department
for bringing up this footage!
- Abso-fucking-lutely!
- Yes.
You spin me right round
Baby right round
Like a record baby
Right round round round
Fuck him up.
You spin me right round
Baby right round
Like a record, baby
Right round round round
You spin me round
You spin me right round
You spin me round
Nix wins.
It can be a fucked up
world out there, right?
Skizm? Well that was fucked up
to the point
where it was threatening
civilization as we know it.
It was unstoppable...
until I came into the picture.
Hey. I'm Miles.
This is the story
of the worst day of my life.
- Dickhead.
- Sorry.
The day I became famous.
When I was a kid
I wanted to be a hero.
A warrior.
But instead I grew up to be
a nobody.
Flicking through the same
three apps on my phone
until it was time to sleep.
I used to work
in video games.
Sounds awesome, right?
Not when you're a code monkey
for a mindlessly addictive
cell phone game
designed to steal money
from parents credit cards.
The one place
I could still be a hero though
was behind my keyboard.
Trolling the trolls.
Oh, shit.
- What the f...
- Dude!
Oh, shit, no. Don't tap. No.
- I'm not interrupting am I?
- No. No, no, no. Just, uh...
- just checking some stuff.
- Hey, uh...
can you sign
this going away card?
Uh, yeah.
Uh, wait.
What... What is this?
We're currently downsizing
- What? By how many?
- Just one.
- I didn't... But...
- Hey, relax, hombre.
It's a joke!
I'm just fucking with you!
Oh, okay.
Oh, my God your face.
But if I catch you
jerking around again...
next card will be real.
Got that, amigo?
Si. Yes.
Seriously can I...
Can I borrow a pen?
- Fuck you.
- Whoa!
And then one night,
I hit the jackpot.
- Another Skizm...
- Skizm...
- Skizm...
- Skizm...
Skizm picked random
psychos, weirdos, and criminals
and made them fight each other
to the death.
It was twisted and disgusting.
Lee wins.
The worst side
of humanity on show.
So, the internet
fucking loved it.
In real life,
I couldn't hurt a fly.
But behind the keys,
I was the fucking Terminator.
I was the ultimate
troll hunter.
I know I should have just
let it go,
but I couldn't resist.
Yeah, get angry at me.
Let's do this.
Run wild
I'm on a mission
And I won't stop
No destination
But it's worth a shot
You gotta let me go
You gotta let me go
You gotta let me go
Run wild
I'm on a mission
You guys are real easy.
No destination
but it's worth a shot
You gotta let me go
Who the fuck are you, dude?
Stick your dick in...
a blender.
Yes. Of course.
I don't want this to fade
I've been standing alone
I am feeling afraid
Afraid I can't let you know
You look at me with desire
Looking straight in my eye
Not learning less
Of what lies on
I'll blame it on
the better days
I'll even blame it
On your pretty face
'Cause baby I can't see
Hope you like it.
It's permanent.
I love it. Seriously,
Seriously, why are you not
doing comics for a living?
Right, just quit my job
and be another artist
living on Ramen,
soaked in my own tears.
I don't care,
you should just do it,
your stuff is awesome.
I haven't nailed
my super hero yet.
- What do you mean?
- That! You!
This guy?
This handsome guy right here?
Uh, okay, well what about,
like, uh...
- I've pitched this before...
- Oh, God, don't.
...but Man-Man.
He's a man who was bitten
by a radioactive man.
And he gets superhuman powers
of manliness.
- I mean...
- "My man sense is tingling."
Look, don't worry, okay?
This... This is
not another story
about a nerd
trying to get the girl
like she's an Xbox achievement
to be unlocked.
This is not a love story.
Hi, I... I think
you have the wrong apartment.
What the fuck.
Who the fuck are you?
Well, there he is. Big Man.
You scared yet?
Oh, fuck. What, that comment?
No. No. Shit, no.
That... That...
That was just a very dumb joke
that I... I... I did not mean.
Uh, can we just, like,
forget about it?
Oh, sheesh.
This is insane, right?
We're being, like,
total dicks here.
Why don't I just head off
and you... you have a pleasant
evening, dude.
Oh, what, really?
Oh, God. Just out of warranty.
Now, your busy little hands
they need to be taught a lesson.
No, no, no, no, no!
Please don't smash my hands.
No, no,
I really like using them.
No, relax, Miles. We didn't come
here to smash your hands.
Why did you tell me to bring
a hand smashing-hammer then?
I got something
even better planned for you.
Knock his ass out.
Wait, no, no. Seriously guys,
you don't need to do this to me.
I... I'm...
That usually knocks 'em cold!
Jesus Christ.
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
Fun factoid: gun shots
are way louder
than in the movies.
In real life,
Rambo would not be
killing guerilla fighters,
he would be
learning sign language.
Oh, God damn,
I missed you, oxygen.
And you have 24 hours
to kill her.
If you fail, you die.
Try to leave the city, you die.
Succeed, we let you in.
What the fuck is Nix?
Oh, it's been getting
so hard
Living with the things
you do to me
My dreams
are getting so strange
I'd like to tell you
everything I see
Oh, I see a man at the back
As a matter of fact
His eyes are as red
as the sun
And the girl in the corner
Let no one ignore her
Cause she thinks
she's the passionate one
Oh yeah!
It was like lightning,
Everybody was fighting
And the music was soothing
And they all started grooving
Yeah, yeah, yeah
And the man in the back
said everyone attack
And it turned
into a ballroom blitz
And the girl in the corner
Said boy I want to warn you
It'll turn
into a ballroom blitz
Ballroom blitz
Ballroom blitz
Ballroom blitz
Nix wins.
There we go,
that's another win
for Nix against Gask.
And that
takes her to the top
of the leaderboard.
Yeah, again
are we really surprised?
Yeah, Nix. I love you.
Nix! apparent
drug heist, leaving 26 dead.
Police have now zeroed in
on Nix Degraves
as the sole suspect.
Degraves was found criminally
insane at age 13.
She recently escaped from
a maximum-security facility
and has since gained notoriety
as one of the most successful
of the underground
fight club, Skizm.
She is heavily armed
and extremely dangerous.
This is good.
Detective Garret,
please report
to the Captain's office.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Jesus Christ.
Oh, thank God.
Wow. Doesn't matter,
just don't shoot yourself
in the dick.
Woah! No! No!
No! No, no, no!
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
Fuck, fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck!
Damn it.
Oh, God!
- Nice fap-cave.
- You shot me!
You actually fucking shot me?
Okay, please. I... I...
I don't want anything to do
with Skizm.
Okay, I'm... I'm...
I'm not a fighter.
I'm a nobody.
Yeah. Why are you dual wielding
pieces then, Mister Hard boiled?
Oh, these? No, no, no.
These... See? They drugged me
and they drilled these
onto my hands.
Like right through my...
I... I think I need
some antiseptic or something.
They're all... They're all red
and sore.
- Oh, that's rough, fuck boy.
- So, how about you and me,
we can just, like,
truce things out
and you can stop
destroying my things.
Or just, like, shoot around
the really rare stuff?
Okay. Here's what we'll do.
Take a few minutes.
- Breathe. Relax.
- Okay.
And then go take a shit
because there's nothing worse
than shooting
a poop-filled corpse.
It's like a hitting
a turd piata.
After, I'll just sit you down
nice and easy
and shoot you
in the fucking brain stem.
Shit! What the fuck?
And we're back,
ladies and gentlemen.
A brand-new match,
the new guy Miles Harris...
Who is that, Lily?
Never heard of him.
This Miles Harris
kid is a joke.
Man, I can't even
remember the last time
I walked outside
without my face in my phone.
Everything looks so HD.
Oh, hey! Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, I need help!
Someone's trying to kill me!
- Hey, drop your guns.
- Oh, right. Shit.
- Drop 'em now!
- No, no, no. Please.
- Will they take out Miles?
- What the fuck is he doing?
We can all say,
give Miles Harris
a salute, I think.
Mom used to say,
always wear clean underwear
in case you get in an accident.
I'm going to add her to
the list of people I let down.
- You think he's a crack head?
- Definitely.
- Hey!
- Dispatch. We have a 918.
Suspect is armed and dangerous.
Ladies and Gentlemen,
I can't believe it,
but we actually have a show
for you today,
Miles is running
from the fucking cops!
Look at him.
Running like a bitch.
- I'm gonna shoot!
- Please don't!
Freeze! Stop now!
Oh, no.
Oh, no. Oh, shit.
No, sir.
Oh, God.
Are you... Are you okay?
Oh, God no you're not.
- Whoa, fuck. Fuck.
- No, no, no, no.
These... These...
These are just my hands.
You're fine. You're fine.
I'm not going to do
anything else to you.
I'm sorry.
Just try...
Just lie and hold that, okay?
Okay. I'm sure they're coming
for you right now.
Oh, yeah they are.
Okay, I have to go now.
- Bye. Bye-bye.
- Shit.
Sorry, sorry.
Nova. Oh, no.
Oh, no, no, no.
Nova, wait.
Wait, wait, wait.
Nova. Nova.
Holy shit.
- Hey.
- Miles?
Oh. Oh, God.
I'm sorry I'm late.
Alarms and stuff.
- Go. Drive now.
- Relax. Relax.
- You have to drive.
- I'm not driving anywhere
until you chill.
Okay, cool. I'm cool.
Go to 7th and Shadwell,
give me Miles.
Unsure how to broach this,
I can't help but notice
you aren't wearing pants.
Oh, yes. Yeah.
No there was a fire alarm
at my apartment.
I got locked out of my building.
Mondays, right?
I feel ya!
It's actually Thursday, though.
Do you still have
one of my spare inhalers?
Uh, maybe. Check my handbag.
Down there.
Uh, could you just
grab it for me?
I was up all night, last night
coding. I have terrible RSI.
Right. Some vigorous coding.
- Here.
- Oh, I'm sorry, could you do it?
- Right.
- Thanks.
Oh, shit, thank you.
- Okay?
- Yeah.
- Why don't you hold onto that.
- Oh, yeah, thanks.
- It's really good to see you.
- This was a mistake.
- Oh. Okay.
- I shouldn't have messaged you.
- I'll drop you home.
- No. No. Please don't.
I can't go back there right now,
it's very crazy for me.
How about we just hang
at your place?
No. Miles,
You just need to move on.
- Oh.
- I mean,
why don't you just meet
someone new, I don't know.
Okay, I mean...
Here's the thing.
I kind of did meet somebody new.
- Oh? Do... Do I know her?
- Uh...
- What's her name?
- Her name is Nix
and she's actually trying
to kill me.
So, these guys from Skizm
came to my house last night,
they're making me fight her.
- Skizm?
- Mm-hmm.
- Miles, you joined Skizm?
- Yes...
- No. No. No way.
- What is wrong with you?
I did not join.
Are you out of your
freaking mind?
No, no, no. I did not join.
They're forcing... Okay, um...
Can I...
Can I show you something?
But you have to promise me
to be cool with it.
Okay, just be prepared,
all right? Don't freak.
Do I look like I'm freaking?
Okay, this is fair warning.
What the fuck, Miles?
Oh, God. Oh, God.
- Fuck!
- What's wrong with you?
I said don't freak out!
Put me through
to the police.
I've never seen
anything like this
in the history of Skizm.
Look, Miles Harris just jumped
into a fucking clothes bin!
This guy is absolute trash.
I really like this,
this is fucking unbelievable.
Keep those comments coming
in everybody,
let us know what you
think's gonna happen next.
That's enough,
cut to camera four.
- Cutting to four.
- Stay on Miles.
It's an inanimate fucking
clothing bin.
Hardly must-see TV.
Can you just let me do my job?
I'm directing here.
- Do what he says.
- How do you even breathe
with that stupid gimp mask on?
Whoa, don't make ol' Fuckface
take his mask off,
you might not sleep so well
Look, just let me do my thing.
You do yours.
Stand around looking like
end-level bosses
from Streets of Rage.
You couldn't direct my cock
into a top hat,
you talentless piece of shit.
Having trouble
This is good, get a camera.
Get this on camera.
This is good.
Hurry up and get
a fucking camera!
Is this on panorama?
How do we get it back to video?
Swipe at the bottom.
- Oh, shit the app just crashed.
- Hurry the fuck up.
- Jesus, Dane!
- This is great!
Go to seven.
Well, either he'll run and die,
he'll fight and die,
or he'll puss out and die.
Just as long as the viewers
enjoy the show.
Oh, Miles.
We know you're in there.
Fuck! Fuck this!
Fuck everything.
I wouldn't do
that if I was you.
- Why shouldn't I?
- Huh?
- Why shouldn't I?
- Well, the angle's all wrong.
You won't hit your brain.
You'll just end up blowing
your damn face off.
Oh. Okay, thanks.
And then you'll still
be depressed.
Even more depressed probably,
because of your fucked-up face.
Try and angle it right
to the rear, base of the head.
Okay, you know way too much
about this.
Just trying to be helpful, man.
Hey, look this is going to sound
really fucking weird,
but could you help dress me?
I have guns bolted to my hands.
This whole deal.
Yeah, you're right. That does
sound pretty fucking weird.
Oh, sorry.
Turn it off. I've seen enough.
Seems like
your boyfriend's got himself
into some pretty deep shit.
None of this makes sense.
I mean, this isn't Miles.
That's all Nova,
you're free to go.
- That's it?
- Well, obviously
if he calls you, you get in
touch with us right away, okay?
Look, Miles has issues
but he's a good guy.
Just bring him in alive, okay?
Well, we'll do our best.
Hack her phone.
Have her followed 24/7.
Oh, come on.
You really think
he's gonna make contact?
Nix is after this guy,
we need to get to him first.
You want a double bow
on that buddy or?
Uh, that should be fine,
Fuck, brother, it sounds like
you're in some deep shit.
Yeah, I just...
I... I can't face violence.
You know, not...
not in real life.
Hey, you don't have anything
to eat, do you?
Well, let's have a look
at the pantry.
Oh, here we go.
Half a cold hotdog.
Um, you don't have a vegetarian
option, do you?
So, you don't believe
in violence
- or eating meat.
- I don't like, uh,
contributing to the suffering
in the world, I guess.
Well, that's a great
philosophy man.
But most people in the world,
they just eat whatever
they can get.
And it's one thing to say
you can't face violence.
But when it faces you,
you better be ready.
- You a Citrus Hill fan?
- Who?
When the shit goes down
You better be ready
You better be ready
- Right, yeah.
- Yeah.
Okay, fuck it. Can you just
push it into my mouth?
I just fucking dressed you,
now you want me to feed you?
What's next, you want me
to wipe your arse?
- That could be really useful...
- Don't even talk about it.
- Ah! Fuck!
- Ah! So close.
That's still you know,
10 second rule.
Yup. Okay.
That's it, yeah.
Yeah, channel your animal side.
You're gonna need it.
Cause it's a dog eat
dog world out here.
What kind of meat did they make
that from?
I don't know but it's been
in here for 8 months.
Good to finally get rid of it.
Hey, you don't happen
to know anything
about GPS tracking, do you?
Pretty sure I'm being bugged.
Oh, I see how it is.
You assume because I'm homeless,
I don't know nothing
about dumb stupid GPS tracking
I'm sorry,
I didn't mean it like that.
For all you know, I could be
a savant programmer
who got screwed after my startup
went bust.
I'm so sorry. Are you?
What? No!
I spend all of my time getting
fucked up on a bunch of crack.
- Oh. Good for you.
- Wanna smoke some crack?
- Ahh...
- Yes.
I'm good. The...
The hotdog was... was enough.
Hey. Watch it, asshole.
Shit. Fuck it's you.
Hey, why don't you stop running,
Edward Gun-hands?
Psst. Hey.
Fuck, dude. What the hell?
Where've you been all day?
Zander is pissed.
I'm in some trouble, man.
I think I'm being tracked.
- By?
- Don't worry about that.
Just... If you were gonna stalk
someone, how would you do it?
Okay, who told you
I was stalking them?
Was it Laura?
Because she's a liar.
No, no, no. No. Dude, focus.
How would you track me?
Easiest way, malware on your
cell, you could do it remotely.
- You have it on you?
- Ah, yeah.
Yeah, I do, I just... Um, yeah,
it's in my front jeans pocket.
- Can you just grab it?
- No. Fuck, no.
- Just pass the phone dude.
- I can't.
I just... There was a...
glued my hands
inside my jacket.
You did both of your hands.
- Mm-hmm.
- How is that possible?
No, I know. It was...
It was really complicated.
There were holes in the inside
of my pockets,
so I just glued them together
and then I put the jacket on
and I forgot and I got drunk
and I fell asleep
with my hands in my pockets.
And now, here we are.
- Just...
- No, no, no. I'm not... no.
- I don't want to.
- Stop being a dick about it,
just stick your fingers
in there. Come on.
Jesus Christ!
Oh, God, it's deep in there.
It's so tight. Oh, man.
Oh, it's still warm
from your thigh.
Okay, okay, so?
This is not Hackers dude, okay?
This search will take a while.
Hours, you know, maybe...
- Malware found.
- Oh, it's done.
- This is some advanced shit.
- Okay, can you delete it?
Of course I can. Unless you want
to able to reactivate it later?
We could set up a quick app
so you could flick it on.
No. No. Just get rid of it.
Okay, yeah, no, that could be
handy, do that one.
Hey, Miles.
- Zander.
- So, it's 4:00 p.m.
And you come in looking like
complete shit.
You on drugs?
You speed-balling the NDNA
straight into your eyeballs?
- I've been sick. Okay?
- Sick?
You okay little man?
Why don't you take the rest
of the day off, huh?
Or you could just fuck
the fuck off forever.
Cops are looking for you.
Seems like you're in some
deep shit now.
I always knew you were
a fuck-up.
- Let me go.
- What you gonna do? Take me on?
You gonna hit me, amigo?
You El Loco?
Oh, shut the fuck up!
Stop pretending
you speak fucking Spanish,
- you fucking idiot!
- Okay, I'm sorry,
- please don't kill me.
- You put me down
every time
I come in that door,
you docked my pay for attending
my mother's funeral,
and you hit on my girlfriend
in front me!
I am so sick of you
and all of your fucking shit!
Fuck you!
And fuck that fucking chipmunk!
Fuck. I'm... I'm sorry.
Just stop being a dick, okay?
Oh, my God.
You spin me right round,
Baby right round
Like a record, baby,
Right round round round
You spin me right 'round
Right 'round round round
You spin me right round
Baby right round
Like a record, baby right
round round round
My phone. Stick it in my pocket.
- Really?
- Yes, really! Fucking do it.
You know, you lied to me.
You said you glued your hands.
I need to get out of here.
You cover me.
Fucking cover you?
Wait, what am I going to do,
cap her ass with a staple gun?
Mistakes were made...
I mean seriously,
round of a-fucking-plause
for Nerf guy.
He's my new
I gotta say, I gotta say.
Here we see,
the little bitches,
emerging from their cave
after doing jack shit.
- Yoo-hoo.
- This is becoming
a fucking legendary match here.
Miles Harris,
the fucking newbie
- on the block...
- Oh, here go.
Hey, stop.
Get out of the car.
Come on. Please, get out.
Thank you.
Thank you very much, sorry.
Oh, fuck...
Oh, come on!
Oh, shit.
- Fucker!
- Sorry.
This is good.
Oh, shit.
Stop shooting at me!
Go on!
Fucking yeah!
Suck it, loser.
Oh. Uh, no, dude...
What're you...
What're you doing?
No. Jesus, that's not...
Oh, Jesus Christ!
Did I win?
Uh, Jesus.
Stop running,
you little chicken shit.
Think you're fucking fast,
ain't ya?
- Fuck.
- Well that shot was pathetic.
All right, I'm just saying this
because I'm honestly
so fucking
embarrassed for you,
relax your damn arms, elbow
slightly bent nearly straight.
- Shut up.
- And those two little
sight things on the barrel
aren't just for decoration
you know.
Shut up. Stop trying to help me.
Oh, fuck.
I think you've just discovered
a whole new level
of retardation.
That word is not okay.
It's okay
if you shoot like one.
Fuck off.
Please. Just leave me alone.
Okay, I haven't done anything
to you.
I gotta kill you.
Every cop in the country
- is looking to end me, so...
- Yeah, that's not my fault!
Skizm said they would wipe
my slate clean
- after I bury your ass.
- Oh, that's what they told you?
What, so you're just like
their minion?
What, like those yellow butt
plug things from the movies?
No. No, I mean you're like
their... their lackey.
I'm no one's lackey.
God damn you.
Hey, sir! Madam! Ma'am!
Hey! Excuse me, please!
No, no, no!
I mean, I get it.
- Miles?
- Hey.
Oh, my God. Are you okay?
You're like...
You're all over the news,
what are you doing
running around with guns,
like a crazy person?
They bolted these things
to my hands,
is what I was trying
to tell you.
What do you mean "bolted"?
I mean like they went to town
on my hands
with some Home Depot supplies.
Oh, fuck, you were trying
to tell me in the car.
Yeah. Yeah I did.
Look, Miles,
the cops are looking for you.
Okay, just...
Just turn yourself in.
- They'll protect you.
- I can't.
I'm actually...
I'm just leaving town.
I just called to say, goodbye
- and, uh... thanks.
- Thanks?
For being with me, for making me
a much better person.
Don't say that.
You were always that person.
I don't know what trouble
you're in
but you can't keep running
Nova! Hello?
Oh, hello.
I'm sorry but Nova can't come
to the phone right now.
Oh, fucking you again.
Leave Nova out of this.
Shut your fucking whine hole
and fight.
You need to get your head out
of your ass, Miles,
and grow a set of balls.
Now, you got five hours
to kill Nix.
Otherwise we're gonna
let Dane here
start cutting pieces off
your bitch.
Hey! Oh, ho, ho!
Are you on Instagram?
Add me
and I'll send you updates.
Just run, Mil...!
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Fuck! Fuck!
Okay, think.
No, no, come on,
think, think, think.
When the shit goes
Down ya better be ready
When the shit goes down
When the shit goes down
Ya better be ready
When the shit goes down
ya better be ready
911 what's your emergency?
Uh, hello,
my name is Miles Harris,
I think the police
are looking for me.
Can you tell them I know
where Nix is going to be
in like 10 minutes.
They will know what that means.
- Okay.
- Sir,
- please stay on the line.
- Bye-bye, Nix.
are you still there?
I hope it's a quick death.
Or not, actually.
Pockets on flat
with the gat
Rollin around nine
Deuce Cadillac
Still got my homies
To watch my back
And they'll smoke ya ass
If ya wanna come chat
That's why some pigs
And the kids come sweatin'
They follow a hollow point
Shells hard to swallow
There you go, bro.
That shit'll make
your pubes go straight
Who the fuck is this dick wad?
I'm nobody!
I'm just leaving. Uh...
What the fuck!
You trying to fuck us?
What the fuck did you just say?
What the fuck is in your mouth,
I can't understand
a fucking word.
You trying to fuck us?
I'm not trying
to fuck you, Grim!
I don't know this shit head!
And how do I know
you're not trying to fuck us?
I'm not here to fuck
anybody, guys!
I'm just...
I'm just gonna go.
Stay the fuck
where you are!
I will bust you
right in the mouth!
What do we do then?
Uh, you know what, guys,
actually things are about
to get really crazy here,
we should all bail.
- Shut the fuck up!
- Shut the fuck up!
Sit the fuck down,
little asshole!
Okay, Grim...
We both shoot him in the face
at the same time.
Wait! What?
On the count of three, ready?
- One!
- Oh no, no, no. Please!
- Two!
- Wait!
Six! Nine! Eight!
Five! Eleven-teen!
Oh, shit...
Who the fuck
is this crazy whore?
Oh, God! You've killed us all.
Hey, thrift-store-leather-daddy!
Suck my clit!
No one is killing
fuck boy here.
- Except me, of course!
- Oh.
Please let me go,
Everybody want us to know
Mali people
Will live again now
Around the world
On Saturday
Closed away
Celebration on me one day
For sure, around the world
God damn, that sound
gives me such a hard on.
Little fucker!
Oh, shit!
No re-spawns,
no one-ups,
no extra lives.
I just killed this fucking guy.
- Those things, they hurt?
- What do you think?
Skizm do that?
Yes, Skizm did that,
you think I did this to myself?
I guess drilling the second one
in would be a little difficult.
How do we proceed?
Oh, you know what,
I got an idea about that.
How about we take these
fucking things off my hands!
Look, they have my girlfriend,
My ex... ex-girlfriend.
Just let me help you, please.
Okay, thank you.
Oh, uh, detective,
you missed the turn off.
We ain't headed
to the hospital anymore.
What? Why not?
Nix is after you, right?
We're after Nix.
Change of plan, sweetheart.
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
So I'm just bait now?
That seems very not legal
for police officers.
Miles I want to tell you
a story about my wife.
Ah, I don't give a shit
about your wife.
Sorry, dude, can we get these
fucking things off my hands?
Sixteen years ago,
I'm chasing this gang.
Right? I bust 'em.
Their leader was this
psychopathic little dirt bag
covered in tattoos.
Went by the name of Riktor.
Now I gots the bad guys,
that's my job, I'm a cop.
But Riktor...
he takes it very personally.
He makes bail,
they track my wife and kids...
Yeah, that's it.
Burn, baby, burn.
I managed to get
my daughter out.
My wife and son were gone.
Nix was gone too
in a different way.
Wait, Nix is your daughter?
Tried to get her the help
she needed.
But it was never enough.
She's my flesh and blood,
I have to stop her.
Uh-oh, looks like
Miles has been taken away
by the pigs.
I mean, seriously, generally
such a disappointment.
You look like a fighter.
Maybe you could be
our next player.
The cops are watching my house,
They would have followed you,
they probably have the place
surrounded already!
- The cops?
- Yeah.
Oh, my God, I think I'm gonna do
a poo-poo in my pantaloons!
The actual cops?
Oh, my God! The cops!
Who the fuck do you think
owns the fucking cops?
- What?
- Dane, kill the drones.
Yes, boss!
We need to keep our cover.
Hang on,
I think we just lost the stream
- ladies and gentlemen.
- Yeah,
we're gonna get this back.
We're gonna get this back.
Hey, Stanton,
where the fuck are we?
Holy shit, dude!
What the actual fuck?
Is that look supposed
to fucking explain something?
People keep fucking dying on me!
What the...
Okay, fuck.
Stop your whining,
you millennial piece of shit!
What the fuck are you doing?
Hey there, big guy!
Rule number 1.
Do not, I repeat do not,
under any circumstances
talk to the fucking pigs!
You got that?
Now we should get Stanton there
to give you an extreme makeover
with the butt of his Glock!
But I see something
in you, Miles, you know?
So I've decided to give you...
another chance.
Fuck you!
Where's Nova?
- It's pre-recorded asshole!
- Oh!
Welcome to the
lightening round!
Somewhere in this city,
we've got your bitch!
You've got 30 minutes,
that is 30 minutes to kill Nix.
Or we take Nova apart
piece by fucking piece!
Put a filter on that,
make me look good.
It might have been a bit
over the top.
Happy hunting, shit head.
Huh, bullet proof vest.
It did not help much.
Password is telefrak.
Uh, T-E-L-E-F-R-A... yeah, K,
you got it.
Yeah, click there,
Nova's iPhone.
Girlfriend know
you're stalking her?
Ex, actually, and it's none
of your business.
Okay, Warwick and 7th.
Great, thank you.
- Oh, shit!
- What?
You're him, right?
Guns Akimbo dude!
You're famous!
Look at those numbers!
Seven million viewers
and counting!
You're the most watched
Skizm contestant ever!
That many people
are watching me?
I've never seen
anything like it!
- Hey, can I get a selfie?
- Yeah, sure.
Let her go!
I'll fight Nix!
Just please, let her go!
Quit your running
and fight, or you're next.
My ex.
She dyed her hair
to look like a sunrise.
Always somehow
smelled of incense
and freshly opened
packs of gum.
Oh, shit, Hadley.
The list of people
I've let down
is getting longer
by the minute.
Suddenly, I knew what to do.
Now I could end this
once and for all.
Your tracker's back on.
Neat location, by the way.
What, you couldn't find
a classic rooftop
for your final showdown,
Stop calling me fuckboy, okay?
I don't even know
what that means!
I thought we were going
to talk it out for a bit?
Exchange some banter.
Some obligatory
pre-gunfight foreplay.
You want to get straight
to the shooting?
No. No, look I need your help.
My help?
Skizm is going to kill us both!
Together we might have a chance.
You know, let's...
Let's team up.
I got a much better chance
if I'm with you.
I know that.
So, you in?
well, no.
Yes! Yes!
Fuck yeah!
Guns Akimbo dude was here.
I met him!
This is so unfair!
It's just a game, bro.
It's just a game.
Yes! Serves you right, asshole!
And that is Miles
out of the game.
Well that took longer
than I thought.
Let's go get some cocaine!
Miles Harris...
- I'm not happy!
- Oh!
That's some bullshit,
I'm sorry but that's
fucking bullshit!
No, that's the game
of Skizm, man!
No, no. I really started
to like the fucking guy!
Fuck the game! God damn it!
That's Skizm for you. Miles...
Get a cleanup squad
on Miles's body.
Get a squad on Nix too!
Ice that fucking bitch!
I know!
He did his best.
But you know...
sometimes, even when
you do your best,
it's just not good enough.
Just pitching here, but, uh,
chainsaws or nail guns?
Which way were you leaning, huh?
- Any plans tonight?
- Finally gonna catch up
- on The Walking Dead.
- The Walking Dead?
Can't stand that.
Just too violent.
you kill people for a living.
So what? You think
a cook goes home
and watches Master Chef?
If you want to walk out
of here, with all of your limbs,
you should stop pointing
guns at me!
This was your idea, fuck boy!
- Nice! Gotta love that Kevlar!
- Not nice!
That hurts like shit!
You only had to shoot me once!
Don't shoot me,
I know who killed your family.
What the fuck did you just say?
He's the head of Skizm.
Okay, his name is Riktor.
Bald guy, covered in tattoos.
That was him, right?
Okay so my... my theory is he saw
you escape from prison
and decided to put you
in the game
in case you tried to get
You're full of shit!
They killed your dad, too.
He's right there.
You stubborn old bastard.
So, um, hi...
Sorry, don't know why
I said it like that.
Look if you're not going
to shoot yourself, or me,
then I have a plan,
It is kinda fucked up
and totally suicidal,
but it might work.
You get to kill Riktor,
I find Nova.
But we have to work together.
All right?
I like that you're not
pointing that at me anymore.
That's a good...
We can work on that.
You only need to shoot me
one time!
Really important.
Just one...
right in the...
Okay, you got that?
I don't feel like
you're listening to me.
Just one.
One shot.
I think my ribs are broken.
Definitely have internal
Cool, um, do you wanna
sit here and cry about it?
Like a little bitch?
Or do you wanna go shoot
a bunch of people in the face?
Oh, hell yes.
The face shooting one, not the...
not the crying.
Right on.
Right on.
- That sucks.
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
Just go. Come on, look.
Me? Why do I have to go first?
- Open the fucking door.
- I'm not exactly great
- at opening doors right now.
- Go on.
I still don't trust you.
You might shoot me in the back.
I promise that when I do
shoot you it'll be in the front.
You have already shot me
like a dozen times.
I feel bullets rattling
inside me when I walk.
- Well...
- What the hell?
I'm a real wild one
Well I'm just out of school
Like I'm real, real cool
Gotta dance like a fool
Got the message
That I've gotta be
A wild one
Oh yeah
I'm a wild one
Got to break it loose
Gotta keep them movin' wild
Gotta keep a swingin', baby
I'm a real wild child
I'm a real wild one
And I like wild fun
In a world gone crazy
Everything seems hazy
I'm a wild one
Oh yeah
I'm a wild one
Got to break it loose
Gonna keep them movin' wild
Hey, sir!
It's Miles and Nix!
They're in the building!
It's a clusterfuck!
Yeah, and? What the fuck
you telling me for?
Get the dead squad on it!
- I can't.
- Well why not?
- They're dead.
- They're dead?
Well that's not ideal.
Patch the monitor feeds
to the security cameras now!
This is not happening.
Oh, my God,
it's back on!
It's going down.
Oh, fantastic.
I'm gonna lose
my fucking temper, this is...
Effie! Dane!
Do your thing!
Fuck them up!
Nix and Miles!
They need to die!
They need to fucking die!
Suck on this, bitch!
Really, another dick shot?
Oh, God damn it, please.
Why do you have to
keep doing that?
What, I would have shot you
in the dick
if the target wasn't so small!
It just seems
a little excessive.
You know, you could go
dick shot, then head shot,
then dick shot. Just mix it up
a little, something.
It's basically a public service.
Don't do it again! God.
Uh, you know, I don't...
I don't like it,
- I don't like it.
- It's just some dick blood.
- What was he thinking?
- Yeah,
never bring
a spork to a gun fight, man.
What are you doing?
Trying to find where
they're holding Nova.
Oh, God damn,
this comment section.
It's like YouTube but worse.
No, it's about the same.
"I hope someone ices
that Nix bitch
and tea bags her corpse."
That settles that,
I'm going to find every last
one of those little trolls
and beat them to death
- with their keyboards.
- You are fucking animals,
you know that right.
You like this, you like
watching people suffer?
You like watching people
get hunted?
If you didn't watch
they wouldn't exist
you pathetic sick fuck!
Fuck you, dude.
Who the fuck is this guy, huh?
What the fuck.
Hear, hear.
Good, good.
Wish you had more volume.
Feel better now?
You got that out of your system?
- Whoa, holy shit.
- What?
Look, Riktor,
he's trying to expand Skizm.
He's like building it into
a global franchise.
Can you actually just
like, send this to my Gmail?
- It's funnier watching.
- Oh, God.
Fuck you, man.
Oh, holy shit!
Damn, nice AA-12!
- Fuck.
- These things?
- Yes!
- Yeah, I shelled out
for the deep black PVD coating.
But, now I kinda regret not
going with the UCP style camo.
Oh, no you're crazy.
She's crazy.
You totally own it.
Thank you.
Yeah, you know your weapons.
You know, shooting dip shits
in the head is life.
Well, um, I better, you know.
Right, yeah. Do your thing.
It was nice to meet you.
Go! Go!
Watch the last step!
It's a doozie!
didn't skip leg day.
Don't pull my hair.
Whoa! Whoo!
Friday night just got
really lonely!
Just stay still and die,
you fucking coward.
I really don't want to though.
Oh, shit!
Didn't even hurt.
Hammer time!
A bullet proof vest
isn't gonna save you
from a head shot.
Do you know
what your problem is?
You need to smile more.
Let's give you a nice...
juicy grin.
I have the power!
It's time to realign
your chakras.
She's a very kinky girl
The kind you don't take home
to mother
I think I just heard a ball pop.
Are they meant to pop?
You don't like fire?
Do ya, huh?
Let's burn together, baby!
Don't shoot him!
Chopper on the roof.
No. Just two seats.
No, everyone else is dead.
Why does everything have to be
so fucking stressful, hmm?
You know, they say that
sometimes a nice little stroll
can help to clear the head.
- Come on, let's go.
- Get off me!
That's it, that's it.
You good?
Did you not hear me say
don't shoot?
Yeah, you pull off the Rocky
look real well at least.
What is that?
- What are you trying to do?
- Shit!
Oh right...
Hey, no, no, no.
You gotta put that on ice.
Come on, we gotta fix this.
Oh, shit.
I wasted all my bullets
on Sid Dickless.
Riktor's got Nova somewhere,
I can't find her.
Have you learned
nothing from video games?
If you see enemies...
You jump on their heads
and they give you coins?
No, fuck wad!
It means we're going
the right way.
Come on let's find some more
- bad guys to shoot.
- Okay.
Where the fuck are you
going, asshole?
The action's back this way!
Wait, you want me to go
out there
and get my face shot off?
Are you out
of your fucking mind?
Cops will be swarming
this place!
This shit is over!
It's not over until I say
it's over, you fucking traitor!
Without me,
you would be nothing!
I mean, look at you!
You look like someone
tried to paint a worn-out dildo
- with a fucking Sharpie!
- Ah, that hurts.
Face it, Riktor.
This is the end.
Look at him go!
He's like a wounded deer.
Go Bambi's mom, go!
Kill them!
Was this the right way?
No we fucked up!
- Far too many bad guys!
- Oh, God.
Oh, shit.
What the hell
are we going to do?
Come out, come out
wherever you are.
Come on, get it.
Hey! Hey!
You want to know a secret?
Fuck you!
This was never about the money.
This is about art.
Murder is art.
This one...
This is a Jackson Pollock.
Overcompensating much?
Where the fuck are you going?
Get up!
Get the fuck up!
You know, you really need
to cheer the fuck up.
Are you not even
a little bit excited
about going in
a chopper with me?
You wanna know
how I survived this long?
I don't know, Nix,
by being crazy as fuck?
I didn't want to give any fucker
the satisfaction...
of killing me.
Just kill Riktor for me.
Okay, mouse?
Get the fuck out here
so I can shoot you!
Wait. No, wait!
Come back here.
Where'd you think you're going?
Get up there.
Come on.
Oh, shit!
Fuck! Nova!
Miles! Miles!
There you are.
What took you so long, hmm?
You made it all this way.
I even got you a rooftop
for the showdown!
Nix is dead, it's over!
Let Nova go!
Oh, finally!
I should have ordered
a fucking Uber!
Okay, okay and we're back.
We've got our stream back,
ladies and gentlemen.
Oh, thank fuck!
Let's just see how this ends,
I guess.
Oh, yeah.
Ten million concurrent viewers,
You have just made
Skizm history!
You are somebody!
I took...
a worthless piece of shit
and I molded it into steel!
I made you, Miles.
You should be down on
your fucking knees thanking me!
Oh, fuck you man!
All you did was ruin my hands,
and give me a criminal record.
I never wanted any of this!
Don't give me that
goody-goody bullshit!
What were you doing
on the Skizm site to begin with?
Admit it, you wanted
to feel something.
You wanted to... to...
to hunt like a man.
You wanted to be somebody!
you were fucking miserable!
Now, look at yourself.
You're alive!
Yeah, I am.
And that's more than I can say
for you.
Hey, man, nice shot!
Oh, that's a better one.
He's down!
He's down!
Oh, relax will ya?
Come on, Miles.
Just fucking die!
- Oh, for fuck's sake.
- He just took three
fucking bullets!
Get him!
...fighting for you
Driven by desire
Glory calls,
It's waitin' for ya
When they try
to break you down
You can take it
That don't shake you
When your back's
against the wall
The thrill of the fight's...
You were nothing.
I made you, Miles.
I made you a fucking star!
Never say die
You got the heart of a hero
Never surrender
The will to survive
You're standin' strong
in the eye of a storm
Something keeps
pushing you on
To never surrender
Never surrender
You think killing me
is going to change anything?
There are others!
Skizm's a global franchise now!
We're going to be
the Starbucks of murder!
The McDonald's of massacre!
We'll be the Burger King
of badness!
Nix says, "fuck you!"
No! No! Please!
...fight to the end
And you'll take it all
Never surrender
Never say die
Never surrender
It's only a matter of time
Never surrender
Never Surrender
Never say die
Don't stop
Never surrender
Got the will to survive
Never surrender
Don't stop never surrender
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
It's called
hemorrhagic shock.
It's just my body shutting down
from... yeah,
massive, massive blood loss.
Sorry for the fake out.
I mean, I did kill Riktor.
That was real.
I just didn't get the girl.
You see, in real life,
watching your ex pistol whip
some guy's teeth out
gives you PTSD.
Not a raging lady boner.
Thanks for tuning in everyone.
We've been
Death Tolled and, um,
remember to like...
like and comment.
Some people stopped
watching Skizm that night.
But many,
many more took their place.
well she finally found
her superhero.
He stands up and fights to make
the world a better place.
Skizm didn't go away.
They spread,
just like Riktor said.
And that means
I still have a job to do.
And I know where they live.
It is a fucking jungle
out there!
And as a great man
once told me...
When the shit goes down
Ya better be ready
When the shit goes down
Ya better be ready
- When the shit goes down
- When the shit goes down
Ya better be ready
- When the shit goes down
- When the shit goes down
- Ya better be ready
- Ya better be ready
When the shit goes down
Ya better be ready
- When the shit goes down
- When the shit goes down
Ya better be ready
I told the boyz
Get the sawed off glock
And the rest of the gats
As I strapped on
the bullet-proof vest, boom!
I think I got one
to the chest hot damn
I didn't want to kill a man