Hail the Conquering Hero (1944) Movie Script

Two boilermakers.
Far away
though I may roam, dear
Fill her up?
Why don't you grab yourself off
a skirt and have yourself a time?
Why don't you...
Your beer's running over.
Home to the arms I hold dear
Home to the arms
of Mother
Safe from this world's alarms
That's where I spend
each night in my dreams
Why don't they sing
something gay?
Why don't you acquire
a gay viewpoint?
It's all mental,
every bit of it.
Smile, and the world smiles with
you. Frown, and you frown alone.
I'd just as soon be alone,
if it's just the same to you.
By that vine-colored door
As you stood in the gloaming
to welcome me home
Home to the arms
of Mother
Never again
to roam
If you could shoot craps like
you can shoot your mouth off,
you'd be the biggest breeze
shooter this side of Hong Kong.
He's the two biggest!
I was fading the guy.
How am I supposed to know the
guy's gonna pass eight times?
You was fading
the guy with our money!
Well, it was my money, too.
We're partners, ain't we?
Especially now.
Partners in the soup.
Yeah, no dough.
Nothing to do.
And five days to do it in!
If you wasn't so big, I'd take a
poke at that dumb kisser of yours.
Why don't you try it, Mac?
Save it for the Japs.
You shouldn't have faded
so many times.
You gonna start now?
Give me one last 10 spot.
I'll go back...
You had it, fancy fingers!
"Give me one last 10 spot"!
Who do you think you're
talking to? Morgenthau?
Never again
to roam
To roam
Where you going?
I got 15 cents.
I held out on you.
Will you close the door,
Yes, gentlemen?
One beer.
One beer?
One beer and no cracks.
Yes, sir.
Gonna share it or swill
it all down by yourself?
Give me
your elk's tooth.
Wait a moment. My old
man gave me... Come on!
Come here.
You the manager?
Yes, sir.
We're just a little bit
short of cash, see,
or I'd never make you
this proposition.
I was gonna save it
for the museum, see,
but when you're out on a limb, you
gotta make sacrifices, that's all.
You follow me?
I'm ahead of you.
I'm gonna let you in on the ground
floor of something very, very rare.
You remember when General
Yamatoho committed hari-kari?
Possibly. I happened to
be very close by, see?
Big man, wasn't he?
This is one of
the rarest mementos...
You wouldn't like to buy the flag
they buried him in, would you?
I could let you have it very
reasonable. I have it in several sizes.
MacArthur's suspenders!
The first bullet that landed in
Pearl Harbor. You can take your pick.
A piece of
a Japanese submarine.
If you look at it this way,
it becomes a German submarine,
and this way it is a piece of a
shell that just missed Montgomery.
Here we have
the seat of Rommel's pants,
and last but not least we have
a button from Hitler's coat,
although that one
I don't personally believe.
Wise guy.
It's all paid for.
Oh, boy!
You said it!
By you?
Not by me, it wasn't.
You don't have to
give me no credit.
The guy at
the end of the bar.
Was this from you?
Oh, that's all right.
I just happened to hear the waiter say
something about six Marines and one beer
and to serve it with
six straws or something.
He did, did he?
Where is he?
I already told him.
Anyway, that was a very
nice gesture, civilian.
Don't mention it.
You want
General Yamatoho's tooth?
No, thanks. You could
send it to your mother,
if you got one.
No, thanks.
I already sent her
some souvenirs.
Well, then here's to you.
Semper fidelis.
Semper fidelis.
You know our motto, eh?
Yeah, I know the motto.
Was you in
the Marine Corps, maybe?
Yeah, I was in
the Marine Corps.
That's too bad, Mac. That's
all right. Set them up again.
Don't you want
anything else beside beer?
Well, personally, I never touch
anything stronger than rye whiskey.
Seven ryes. You can use
the beer for chasers.
You sure you ain't spending too fast
like fancy Felix, the Craps King here?
I just got paid tonight.
Besides, I can't think of any way I'd
rather spend my money than for Marines.
Guadalcanal. It's a
great place to be from.
Well, sukiyaki.
How long you out?
From the Marines?
I was only in a month.
That's too bad.
You hardly had time
to get corns on your feet.
Were you wounded? How could
he get wounded in boot camp?
He could've
fell off a roof.
What would he be doing
on a roof?
It was hay fever,
chronic hay fever.
Gee, that's
the worst kind, too.
It's terrible.
I had a girl once who had it.
Every time you'd
get close to her,
she'd sneeze
right in your kisser.
She wasn't so dumb.
It was the excitement.
Well, better luck next time.
Did you try any of the other branches of
the Service, like the Army or the Navy?
They'll take anything.
They wouldn't take me.
I went into a shipyard.
My grandmother is a WAC.
What good is that
gonna do him?
I don't know why
hay fever is so terrible.
It's because you never know
when it's gonna hit you.
I remember one night, this dame had
a bowl of noodle soup in front of her,
and all of a sudden...
Anyway, I was kind of
born to be a Marine.
My father was killed in
Belleau Wood the day I was born.
Belleau Wood?
Almost the same hour.
All I ever thought about
was being a Marine.
I took exercises. I never drank or
smoked. I studied all about them.
I can tell you every battle the
Marines were in from 1775 down to now.
New Providence, Fort Nassau,
the second Battle of Trenton,
the Bonhomme Richard
and the Serapis...
"I have not yet begun
to fight. "
Tripoli in 1805,
Nuku Hiva in 1812,
the Battle of
Hatchee-Lustee River in 1837,
Veracruz in '46, Chapultepec,
the halls of Montezuma,
Panama in '85,
Guantnamo Bay in '98,
then the Philippines,
the Boxer Rebellion in China,
Nicaragua, Coyotepe Hill,
Fort Riviere and Haiti.
Then Chteau-Thierry, Belleau Wood,
the charge at Soissons, Saint-Mihiel,
and now Wake Island,
Guam, Bataan,
Corregidor, Guadalcanal.
They bled and died.
They gave me a big send-off
when I left home.
Band was playing, everybody hollering,
the dogs barking, my mother crying.
Everybody wondering if I'd come home a
general or just a sergeant like my father.
Well, it's one thing to come home
with things like that on your chest,
and another thing to go home with
hay fever and a medical discharge.
You mean you ain't
been home yet?
I wrote I was leaving
for overseas.
You shouldn't do that
to your mother.
I wrote a couple of letters
to say I was all right,
and I asked a kid to mail them
from overseas for me.
Suppose that he didn't
get a chance to mail them?
Well... That's a terrible
thing to do to your mother.
You ought to be
ashamed of yourself.
You say your father was a
sergeant at Belleau Wood?
That's right.
What was his name?
I was at Belleau Wood.
You mean
Hinky Dinky Truesmith?
That's right.
Why, he was my sergeant.
I saw him fall!
Right then I was being born,
in Oak Ridge, California.
Did you know your father got
the Congressional Medal of Honor?
I grew up with it.
They hung it on me.
Is that where she lives,
Oak Ridge?
Your mother.
Sure. You ought to be
ashamed of yourself.
It's an honor to meet you,
kid. What's your name?
Woodrow Lafayette
Pershing Truesmith.
Go ahead and laugh.
That ain't anything to laugh
at to anyone who knows anything.
Boys, I want you to shake hands with
Hinky Dinky Truesmith's boy, Woodrow.
Corporal Candida.
How do you do?
First Class Swenson...
Swenson, glad to know you.
Gillette, how you doing?
My name is Heppelfinger. Julius.
And you can just call me Sarge.
Set them up. Excuse me.
Certainly, Sarge.
I guess you never got to know
your father very well, huh?
Well, not exactly,
as he fell the day I was born.
That's right.
It's hard to realize.
He was a fine-looking fellow.
He didn't look anything
like you at all.
I know. We've got a picture
of him at home and...
This is Bugsy Walewski.
Pleased to meet you.
Can I borrow 50 cents?
Listen, after a guy's
bought you... Sure, go ahead.
You ought to be
ashamed of yourself.
He ought to be ashamed of himself
for treating his mother that way.
He never had any mother.
He's from a home.
He's a little screwy, too.
He's all right. He just got a little
shot up, that's all. Nothing serious.
So, you're Hinky Dinky's boy.
I travel 100,000 miles and
run into Hinky Dinky's boy.
He was a brave kid.
Not quite as old as you are.
I know. I...
There was 16 of us,
see, in this wood.
There'd be a German right
there, and you'd be right here,
and he couldn't see you,
and you couldn't see him.
Then, all of a sudden, almost right
under your feet, you'd hear the...
Oak Ridge.
Well, sure I know her number,
but isn't it kind of late to be calling
somebody up in the middle of the night?
Are you sure it's important?
He did? Well, why didn't you say so
in the first place, for heaven's sake?
Then Louie is lying there holding
his belly. One of the kids is crying.
Then somebody says,
"Let's draw lots,"
but Hinky says, "I'm the
Sergeant, see. I already won.
"You'll hear them when I
get there, then come in,"
and he starts
through the bushes.
So, there we are. On your mark,
get set... All of a sudden...
Your mother's on the telephone.
She wants to talk to you.
Just a minute. What?
You mean my mother?
That's right.
But how can I talk to her
if I'm overseas?
You dumb cluck!
Because you ain't overseas.
You just came back with us
from Guadalcanal.
You're going home tomorrow.
Going home?
That's right.
Go on.
Are you nuts or something?
The guy is trying to
keep his mother
from knowing
he ain't a Marine.
You want to make something of it? Yeah!
Pipe down!
Is that you, Mama?
Hello, Mama.
Sure, I'm all right.
Of course I am.
I never felt better
in my life.
How have you been, Mama?
Did you get my letters?
You did, huh? I was afraid
you might have been worried.
Well, I don't know
about that, Mama.
It's very hard to get leave these
days, what with the war and all.
I just got up to
Frisco for this evening, see.
That I was wounded and honorably
discharged from the service?
Who told you I was wounded and
discharged from the service?
Then she won't have to
worry no more.
Now, wait a minute, Mama,
you'd hardly call it a wound.
It was more like a scratch.
It was more like a fever. Just
a little fever, that's all.
Maybe it's called jungle
fever, Mama, I don't know.
No, I'm not being brave,
but I just don't see how I'll be able
to get home for quite some time, Mama.
No, I'm not seriously wounded.
I wish I was.
I said I wish I could come
home, but I just can't make...
No, you can't do that, Mama. They
don't allow visitors where I am.
Well, she must've known the Colonel or
something. I'm in the wrong with him.
I can't tell you that, Mama.
That's military information.
No, I'm not in jail.
What would I be doing in jail?
I don't know why he said
I was coming home, Mama,
but he was probably
talking about somebody else.
He had several calls to make.
You know how it is.
Well, of course, I want to
come home, Mama. Why wouldn't I?
I'm just crazy to see you
and Libby and everybody,
but this is war, Mama.
Wait a minute.
Give me that phone.
You can go home tomorrow.
I figured it all out.
What are you talking about?
Like rolling off a log! Quiet!
Hello, Mrs. Truesmith?
This is Sergeant Heppelfinger.
You got nothing to worry
about. That's it. Right.
Look, it's bad enough to wear the
uniform without having to wear this...
Now, wait a minute. Without
having to wear this medal on it.
What are you talking about? I don't
even remember what I got it for.
You know what
he got that for?
Lay off!
Some Japs was roasting a pig
across the stream, understand.
The breeze was blowing it all
right over in his kisser,
so he went over and got it.
Boy, that was some dish.
Just a hog.
I know, but...
You gotta wear something.
You can't come back from
the Solomons without nothing.
Not the son of
Sergeant Truesmith.
I can't help it, fellows.
I just don't like
the whole idea.
You gotta think
of your mother.
The regulations
distinctly say,
"You can wear your uniform home,
but not longer than 30 days. "
Suppose they paid you off
in South Africa.
And you went home on foot?
They can't tell you
how to go home.
You could go home
on a pogo stick.
You gotta think
of your mother.
The regulations
clearly state...
That only applies to Marines.
You ain't really a Marine anymore, and,
besides, the regulations is very elastic.
I was even a Colonel once
for a couple of days.
And a brighound for a
couple of months. Cheese it!
How are you, boys?
Fine, sir. Thank you, sir.
I think we'd better go back to
my room and talk this over...
Keep your hand down,
and nobody will be the wiser.
All aboard!
Come on, chuck his gear on.
No, no.
Will you get on that train?
No, I won't!
Come on, hoist him on!
No, no!
Come on, get him on!
Don't make me...
No. No.
Look, I don't want to sound ungrateful.
I know you meant it for the best.
I don't mind
the seven tickets or anything.
I'm honored to have you
go home with me.
It's just the uniform.
It makes me nervous.
Well, you can't
go home without it.
Well, I shouldn't
go home with it, and this...
You shouldn't have
lied to your mother.
I think it was
for pulling a Frenchman
out of a creek or something.
I don't remember.
He ought to have
the Battle Blaze.
That don't look right.
Well, I shouldn't ought to have the
Battle Blaze. It's bad enough like this.
Who's gonna notice anything?
"Who's gonna notice anything"?
You slip off the train.
We'll kind of surround you.
We slip up a side street. Your
mother's waiting on the front porch.
You put your arms around her.
That's right.
You slip out of your uniform.
You salt it away in mothballs,
and there you are, home.
She's happy. You're happy.
Everybody's happy.
And nobody's hep to nothing.
Please. Will you please wait
until I give you the signal?
We're practicing.
Well, all right, then.
Go ahead and practice.
Listen. Will you please stand not
here? Go some other place. Please!
Isn't it wonderful?
He's been away for so long,
and only hearing from him twice.
And then being his father's son, you
can imagine the chances he would take,
the risks he would run.
Do you suppose
he knows about Libby?
I don't know, Martha.
I certainly didn't tell him.
Well, it really isn't
your problem, dear.
You're engaged to me, and
that's all there is to it.
I know,
but it's his homecoming.
And homecoming means to find
everything the way you left it,
at least for a little while.
Do you suppose
he'll be heartbroken?
I don't know.
I don't see that that has
anything to do with it.
If he'd waited a year longer,
there might've been
three of us to welcome him.
If he'd waited two years, it
might have been... Shut up.
That's what marriage is
for, isn't it? I suppose so,
if you look at it from a purely
unromantic standpoint like a breeding farm.
I mean, if you don't find anything
soul-stirring in the return of a...
A hero.
All right. A hero.
I mean, if you don't find
anything heartwarming in it...
My dear girl, I tried to get into
the Army by every possible means.
I even lied about my
condition. I know you did.
It isn't my fault
that I have...
Chronic hay fever.
I know that, Forrest.
I've heard it
a thousand times,
but since you bring it up,
I'm forced to remind you that
Woodrow also had hay fever.
Your father wants you.
He broke off with her. Her
skirts are certainly clean.
I don't know anything
about it, Martha.
I'm very happy for you,
Mrs. Truesmith.
Of course you are, dear.
Will you tell him I'm going to
be married to Forrest, please?
No, I won't, Libby.
I think that's up to you.
Will you, Aunt Martha?
Who, me? I should say not.
Well, you know it wasn't my fault.
I would have waited for him forever.
He asked me not to.
He told me to forget him.
He even wrote
he didn't love me anymore.
Maybe you should've read
between the lines a little.
What do you mean,
I don't speak first?
If anybody speaks first,
it's the Mayor.
I mean to say, if you think I'm
gonna stand around like a doorpost...
Very well, Mr. Mayor. I'm merely the
Chairman of the Reception Committee,
but as I visualize... Did you
bring the keys to the city?
Yes, Father, right here.
Because I don't want to
pull out my fountain pen
like I did with General...
Why don't you let
Mr. Pash arrange things?
If it's all the same to you,
my pearl...
This boy Woodrow is gonna be
very popular in this town, Doc.
He deserves to be.
I wonder if the same thought has
occurred to you that flashed in my mind?
As I visualize it,
the ceremony began
with a little girl in white
with a bunch of posies...
In her grimy little mitts. I
know, I've listened to her before.
Whatever you say, Mr. Mayor.
Why, she forgets her lines
till rigor mortis sets in.
Very well, then,
you arrange the reception.
I tell you, it's better for
you to talk after Bissell.
Then you can give him
the needle.
All right,
have it your own way.
After all, I'm only the Mayor.
Thank you very much, Mr. Mayor.
Not in front of the Mayor.
Out on the fringe somewhere.
Why, you'd think it was a
political campaign instead of a...
Did you bring
the keys to the city?
Yes, Father,
I have them right here.
Mrs. Noble.
Call me Myrtle, dear.
Do you think
it would be all right
if I didn't tell Woodrow I'm
engaged to Forrest right away?
Well, it certainly
would not be all right.
Of all the confounded...
What are you talking about?
Well, I mean, not to spoil his
homecoming by striking a single sour note.
I didn't mean that, darling.
Of course it would be all
right. I understand perfectly.
I'm not sure that I do,
That's because
you're not a woman, dear.
It would be
perfectly all right.
under similar circumstances,
I'd be perfectly willing
to pretend
I wasn't married to your
father for several weeks even.
You could make it for several
months, as far as I'm concerned.
He talks that way in public,
but we understand perfectly.
Now, you go right down and take him
in your arms and kiss him all you like.
Thank you. I may have
something to say about that.
I suppose she could kiss him
on the cheek.
Kiss him wherever you like.
Of all the nonsense.
Two men telling us
how to welcome a hero.
Not in the middle, please. Out
in the suburbs, if you don't mind.
Yeah, please.
Out in the suburbs, yes.
Now, listen.
I begin with
Mademoiselle From Armentieres
and then I go into
Hail the Conquering Hero.
You begin with
Mademoiselle From Armentieres?
That's right.
Then, what do you play?
There'll Be a Hot Time
in the Old Town Tonight.
Then, who plays
Home to the Arms of Mother?
I do.
What's your name?
I thought I started with that.
Who are you?
Eddie, Teddy... I thought I started
with Hail the Conquering Hero Comes.
Who is talking about
Hail the Conquering Hero?
I am.
No, no, no. You play...
O death, where is thy sting?
We don't know that.
All we know is Hail the Conquering Hero
and half of Marching Through Georgia.
We were only formed last week.
Now, wait a minute, Teddy.
You're going to have her
the rest of your life.
Let him have her for an hour.
This is war, you know. And you
know what Sherman said about it.
Ed follows with
Mademoiselle From Armentieres
and modulates into Hail
the Conquering Hero Comes.
Eddie takes Home to the Arms of
Mother and you play anything you know!
Can anybody play
Let Me Call You Sweetheart?
Sure, I can modulate into that from
A Hot Time in the Old Town Tonight.
I could take it
after Mademoiselle
and let Teddy play
Hail the Conquering Hero.
Certainly, if you want to
upset all of my plans!
After all,
I've only had one morning
to whip this thing
all together, you know.
I'm sorry. All right, play
it! Play anything you like!
What is it, madam,
what is it?
I'm here to help.
I do it for nothing, with joy,
but I got to have cooperation.
Cooperation, yes.
I sing the hymn in seven
flats. In seven flats.
And he won't play
in seven flats.
We don't know how to
play in seven flats.
We're not musicians.
You don't have to tell me.
Then, each work in your
own key and do your best.
Why don't we take it...
They're really very nice people.
I'm just going to take
Woodrow in my arms
and hug him as if he'd never
written me that letter at all.
That's a very sweet
thought, dear.
Do you want me
to hold your engagement ring?
It's not only my mother. I've
got a girl! I mean, I did have.
What did you tell her?
You was going in the Navy?
No, I told her I fell for somebody
else so she wouldn't wait for me.
What are you gonna
tell her now?
Tell her you're married.
What good does that do?
Tell her you're divorced.
I'm no good at lying!
Besides, maybe she doesn't
care anymore anyway.
Is your mother a good cook?
Gee, you're lucky.
Well, I don't feel lucky!
Look, I tell you
the whole thing is...
Supposing I should
meet someone I know
at the station
and they should...
We'll surround you. You
got nothing to worry about.
I hope not!
Oak Ridge.
Don't do that!
Keep cool, will you?
What can happen? Does your
mother put up preserves?
Yes! What can happen?
Anything can happen!
Will you stop balling things up!
Everything was clear and simple, and now...
Where is Mamie?
She's always disappearing.
Well, she'll be here in a minute.
It's the excitement.
Here comes the train!
Not yet!
Not yet!
I didn't tell you...
What's that music?
Brush you off, gents?
What's that music?
Fix you up for the reception?
The reception?
I reckon it's for you all.
They got a half-a-dozen bands
and all the officials.
Let me out of here!
Now, wait a minute. It's
probably for somebody else.
It ain't for anybody else.
It says "Welcome Woodrow. "
Let me out of here! You're
just gonna make things worse.
You give me that bag!
Here, open that up and let
me out. I'll hide in there.
You can make my apologies.
I can't while
the train's in the station.
Then I'll get off
in my underwear!
Cut that out! We're just
pulling in the station.
No, not yet!
They got four bands. That don't
look good with only one medal.
Four bands? Take that
blouse off! Give me yours!
Madame, please... I didn't...
Not yet!
Cut it out! You're making
a big mistake, I tell you!
You gotta think
of your mother!
Come on,
and take those hash marks off!
I'm telling you,
give me my other suit!
All right, she's going to get in
front. All right, please, that's fine.
Welcome, Woodrow.
Quiet! Please, please.
Please! Quiet! Right. We're
all ready for the reception.
All right, Mamie.
Welcome, young warrior.
Your natal city rejoices
at your safe homecoming
and takes great pleasure
in presenting you
this beautiful bunch
of del-fuminimums.
Now, you just come with me.
Mr. Noble has
a speech all ready for you.
Welcome home, Woodrow.
His honor, the Mayor!
Friends, voters,
returning hero
and ex-employee of the Noble Chair
Company, Seats of all Descriptions,
home to
the arms of your mother...
No, no, no, no!
Quiet, quiet, quiet!
It is with a sense
of deep humility
that I hail
this conquering hero!
No, no!
No, no, no.
Not until I tell you, please!
I say...
I say...
It is with a sense
of deep humility
that I welcome
this young Marine.
Actions speak louder
than words.
Here are his words!
From the halls of Montezuma
to the shores of Tripoli...
No! No! No!
No, no, no, no!
Hot Time in the Old Town
Tonight. One, two...
Do anything you like!
All right, boys,
Mademoiselle From Armentieres.
I say it is with a sense
of deep humility...
Go away!
I present you
with the keys to the city!
But Mr. Mayor...
I do wish he'd told us
he was bringing six friends.
I don't know what we'd have done
if everybody hadn't been so kind.
I'll get it.
Oh, dear!
Just in case you were short, I
brought over a few little knick-knacks.
That's terribly kind of you, Mr. Schultz,
but I haven't a single point left.
Who asked you?
It's all complimentary.
Mrs. Truesmith...
Including the points with the
compliments of Schultz's market.
Why, just put it right here.
Everybody's been so kind.
Boy, I wished I was a Marine.
You will be.
It'll probably be over
by the time I'm big enough.
From your mouth
to heaven's ear.
How many Nips did Woodrow
get, Mrs. Truesmith?
I'm sure I don't know, Teddy. I
hope he wasn't too bloodthirsty.
And if there is anything else,
the slightest thing,
when we're open
or when we're closed,
Teddy will be happy
to run over.
I'm bowlegged now from...
Goodbye, Mrs. Truesmith,
and I'm very happy for you.
One in the family
is enough to lose.
Here they are!
I'll just have time
to wash for church.
Do I look all right, Martha?
Yes, of course you look all right.
Well, that's that.
That was certainly
a great idea you had.
What are you talking about?
Everything was lovely.
I thought your speech at General
Zabriski's monument was very moving.
Thank you very much.
Well, if you'll excuse me now.
I have something
to tell you, Woodrow.
Well, you'll just
have to wait...
Hello, Mama.
Where are you going, dear?
To put on my blue suit.
We'll be late for church.
Then, we'll be late for church.
Why can't you wear your
uniform for a little while?
You look so nice in it.
I just got through explaining. It's
against regulations. He should...
I think that's perfectly
ridiculous. So do I.
Your grandfather wore his Civil
War uniform the rest of his life.
He kept having new ones made.
Well, you...
He said it helped
to remind people
that brother fought brother.
Well, his case was different.
Then, hurry up, dear.
Go ahead.
Now, better hurry up.
He seems to be
a little bit upset.
I suppose that's only natural,
dear, after what he's been through.
He has jungle fever, you know.
Jungle fever?
They run through the woods without any
clothes on with knives in their teeth.
Oh, no, they don't
at all, lady.
You're thinking of Boksok.
The Marines
always dress very nice.
Of course they do. You must
be Sergeant Heppelfinger.
Pleased to meet you.
I want you to shake hands
with Corporal Candida.
How did Woodrow take the news?
I didn't have a chance to tell
him yet. There was so much noise.
You knew my sergeant.
I want you to see him.
I want you all to see him.
There he is.
Thank you.
He looks so young
compared to me.
Now I have two heroes.
I have eight heroes.
You can sure put me on your flag.
I sure ain't got anybody else.
I'll be very proud to.
Oh, we're going to be late.
Woodrow! Woodrow!
Now, Martha.
Don't let the turkey burn.
Sally Truesmith, you don't have
to tell me how to cook a turkey.
Never burned a turkey
in my life.
See? It's all over,
and everything went perfect.
Sure, except that I'm a haunted
man for the rest of my life.
Boy, I wish that's all
I ever had to worry about.
Saved from
earthly taint and sin
Home, sweet home
Our home forever
All the pilgrim journey past
Welcomed home to wander never
Saved through Jesus
Home at last
And now I have a very
pleasant task to perform.
Usually on Sundays
I have to scold you a little,
because that is what
I am paid to do,
and I try to earn my keep,
but today is
a day of rejoicing.
Home from the hills
cometh the hunter.
Home from the wars, the hero.
What a beautiful word.
Home to
the arms of his mother,
the widow of yet another hero
cut down in
the bloom of young manhood.
The arms of a mother who struggled
through poverty and privation
to raise her son
rightly and courageously,
that he might follow in the
honorable footsteps of his father.
The years were hard.
Not always was there work,
and the winds of reality blew
coldly against this frail woman
protecting her infant son.
She had one possession,
her home.
The little white house
at the end of Oak Street.
The home of heroes.
She clung to it tenaciously,
but one day she came to
the end of her rope,
and a mortgage
was her only solution.
I have here
the document in question,
purchased by the grateful
citizens of our township.
Purchased with deep respect by the
grateful citizens of our township,
who have asked me to perform
the following ceremony.
You will notice
I have nothing up my sleeve.
Everybody's been so kind.
Very nice, Reverend.
Everything went perfect, huh?
It was
a very beautiful ceremony.
Well, how do I pay it back?
Well, they should've done it a long
time ago on account of your old man.
Wait till they find out.
Who's gonna find out?
Woodrow, we want your opinion.
On what?
On the location of the
monument. The monument?
Yes. Naturally, General
Zabriski has the choice spot,
but then he's been there
so long.
What monument is that?
Oh, didn't you know?
Oh, but of course you didn't.
We're raising you a little
monument by public subscription.
I always say it's better to do
these things while they're hot.
Now, wait a minute!
Just something modest
in granite probably.
Bronze is simply
impossible to get.
It's just to our first hero
of this present war.
Look, if anybody
deserves a monument,
it's my father, not me!
That's right.
He's on it, too. You're
both on it, shaking hands.
It's called,
"Like Father, Like Son. "
Now, just in front of the
station there's a plot,
and I thought
if it wasn't too...
Did I say something wrong?
You mean you haven't
told him yet?
Well, I didn't get
a chance to, dear.
Every time I started to,
a band started to play
or they burned
the mortgage on his house...
Or they raised him a statue.
Well, I can't help it.
I suppose you're
very proud of him now?
Well, why shouldn't I be?
I grew up with him.
So did I, but I don't
walk around starry-eyed...
You're just jealous.
Well, make it snappy,
will you? Of course I will.
Wonderful sentimental nonsense
and seven hungry men to feed.
Oh, boy!
What do I do now?
Well, you just
let it blow over.
Did you ever see
a statue blow over?
Well, maybe you could
be sort of hard to please.
They want it standing up,
you want it sitting down.
They want it shaking hands, you want
it with the hands behind the back.
Now... They want it in
front of the station,
you want it where
General Zablitzki is,
till one day they say, "Do
you want it, or don't you?"
And you say,
"In that case, no. "
And there you are.
Well, what do I do
about the mortgage?
Well, you could sort of...
Look, I didn't get you into
this... Oh, yes, you did!
I was gonna hide in the...
A Marine never hides!
That's what semper fidelis
means. It means "face the music. "
Well, it does not! It happens
to mean "always faithful"!
That's right,
faithful to your mother.
It doesn't mean faithful to your mother
at all. It means faithful to the...
What's the matter with you?
You're home. Your mother's happy.
Did you see that look in her eyes?
Your girl still loves you, and the
town gave you a nice little reception.
I'll say they did! Boy, I
wished I was in your shoes.
Boy, I wish you were, too!
Look, I don't want
to sound ungrateful.
I know you did it for the best, and
I thank you for your good intentions...
I tell you
it'll all blow over.
Everything is perfect, except
for a couple of details.
They hang people
for a couple of details.
What are you talking about?
I been a hero, you could
call it that, for 25 years,
and does anybody
ever ask me what I done?
If they did,
I could hardly tell them,
I've told it
so different so many times.
It ain't as if you done it on purpose.
By Tuesday you'll be forgotten.
Well, I hope you're right.
I know I'm right.
You take General Zablitzki,
for instance... Zabriski.
All right,
where did he tend bar?
That's a
different case entirely.
They bought him
at an ironworks
that was
going out of business.
He was just a bargain,
that's all.
Well, you're the only guy
who knows it.
All everybody else
knows is he's a hero.
He's got a statue in the park,
and the birds sit on it.
Except that I ain't got no birds
on me, I'm in the same boat.
Now, look.
Yes? Could I see you for
a few moments, please?
Why, certainly.
Woodrow! Now, hurry, darling.
Dinner's on the table.
And you, too, Sergeant.
You come along too, Libby.
We'd be delighted to have you.
Thank you. I...
Come on, Libby.
Boy, this is something. Pass
some of that cheese, will you?
Now, just a little pie
to fill in the chinks.
Yes, ma'am, I'll have to
eat it in little pieces.
There you are.
Aren't you hungry, Woodrow?
Well, I guess the excitement kind
of twisted my stomach a little.
It's the fever.
No, it isn't the fever.
That never bothers me
at all except...
You see?
Not at all.
It's not...
Well, don't blow the house
down now that we own it.
Wasn't that a lovely gesture? This
is the happiest day of my life.
Woodrow, if you're all finished, would
you come outside with me a moment?
There's something I
have to tell you. Sure.
Here it comes.
Here what comes?
I'll see what it is.
What's the matter, Woodrow?
Does he feel hot?
Feel his head.
I don't feel hot.
If anything, I...
Woodrow, Judge Dennis,
the Sheriff, Doc Bissell
and a lot of other men
want to see you right away.
They're in the parlor.
What about?
They didn't tell me, dear.
They just said...
They probably want to
baptize a baby after you.
What's the matter, dear?
Good afternoon,
Judge Dennis.
There you are, Woodrow.
Where are the medals?
The medals.
Well, I just wore those
to get off the train.
I suppose I shouldn't have.
What do you mean,
you shouldn't have?
If all good men wore medals,
it wouldn't be so hard
to tell the good from the bad.
I guess that's right,
all right. Well, I'm ready.
I guess I deserve what I get.
You certainly do.
Beyond question.
Goodbye, Mama.
Who told you about it?
Well, I can put
two and two together.
What are you talking about?
Aren't you gonna
take me somewhere?
Not at all. We're going
to do it right here.
Oh, yeah?
Woodrow, there's something
rotten in this town.
I know it.
That's why we're here.
I know it, but I don't see why you
have to do it in front of my mother.
Then let's get down
to business.
The trouble with our party is
everybody talks too long all the time.
That's the trouble
with all parties.
Woodrow, there's something
rotten in this town.
You don't have to keep
rubbing it in. I'm ready.
Nothing you can put your finger on exactly,
but a kind of something you can feel.
It's like
the town was selfish.
Everybody thinking about little
profits and how not to pay the taxes
and reasons for not buying
bonds and not working too hard
and not working at night because
it's nicer in the daytime.
All things that are
all right in peacetime.
Things you used to call
thrift and relaxation
that made many a fortune, but things
that are plain dishonest in wartime.
That's right.
The motto of this town is
"Business as usual,"
but a lot of us feel
wartime ain't a usual time
and that business as usual
is dishonest.
That's why we need
an honest man for mayor.
An honest man who will wake
us up and tell us the truth
about something
he knows all about.
An honest man who will tell
us the truth and who can win.
We got an honest man
who'll tell us the truth,
but nobody votes for him
except his brother and his wife.
And I'm not even
sure about her.
I have everything
but popularity.
In other words, Woodrow, we want
you to take Doc Bissell's place.
The right shall prevail.
But I'm not a veterinary. I hardly
know one end of a horse from another.
We want you to run for mayor,
Woodrow, in the coming election.
You want me to run for mayor?
Three cheers for the new
mayor. Hip, hip, hip...
Hip, hip, hip...
You're making a...
Hip, hip, hip...
Bring him out!
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you our new Mayor!
First we will have
a few words from Doc Bissell.
I'm going to be
even briefer than usual.
You know what I stand for in this
town. You know what I'm against.
Our party is fortunate in having
found a worthier standard-bearer
than I have ever been
or ever could be.
A man who fought for you overseas. A
man who will fight for you here and win!
For the good of our party,
for the good of our town
and its war effort,
for the good of
the United States of America,
I herewith ask you
to vote for Corporal Woodrow
Lafayette Pershing Truesmith!
Before introducing
the principal speaker,
I wish to point out that he
appears before you not as a hero,
not with decorations
he so heroically won
and so richly deserves,
but as a simple citizen,
a hometown boy back home!
I need say no more of the
character of this young man
than that he refused
to wear his medals!
Ladles and gentlemen,
I give you Mr. Truesmith!
No, no!
Ladies and gentlemen,
I wish I were dead.
You're making a big mistake!
Oh, no!
I love my mother very much.
He has a natural flair
for politics.
But she shouldn't have
told you I was coming home
and made all that fuss
at the station.
I really don't deserve it.
Go on! You betcha!
There are many, many men,
any one of
these young men, for instance,
far, far more deserving
than myself.
The medals that
you saw pinned on me
you could practically say
were pinned on by mistake.
I want you to believe me.
I've known all of you
all my life.
I've mowed your lawns.
I've delivered milk
for your babies.
I even know the dogs and cats.
The milk-and-baby part
is remarkable.
After that
he could be president.
Nothing would be dearer to my heart than
to be worthy of the honor you offer me.
I wish I could accept it.
You bet!
I'm no hero!
I haven't had Dr. Bissell's
long experience with animals.
There is the man for you!
No, no, no.
I thank you.
For heaven's sakes,
I never saw so many things
happen in one day in my life.
That was wonderful, wonderful!
Oh, my son. Wonderful!
That's as fine
a political speech
as I've heard since Bryan
and the crown of thorns.
You don't need any lessons
from me, Woodrow.
If I might make
one suggestion, Woodrow.
I wouldn't play down the hero
part quite so much hereafter.
But I'm not a hero.
Modesty notwithstanding.
They like it, you know.
Anyway, the Sergeant's taking
care of that part of it.
The Sergeant's
taking care of...
What are you talking about?
a couple of
things about Woodrow.
What the...
I don't know just how
he's gonna take this.
In fact, he's so modest, I'm pretty
sure he ain't gonna like it at all.
In fact, I may get quite a sock
on the jaw before I'm through.
What's he saying?
Anyway, I'm just going to give
you one sample of his courage
and his resourcefulness.
I'm gonna tell you
how he saved my life.
What's the matter with him?
He can't do that.
No, no, no, Woodrow. Relax.
We're on the beach,
see, at Tanaru Bay.
All of a sudden we hear,
"Here they come! Take cover!"
And out of the jungle come 200, maybe
300 Japs preceded by a hail of bullets.
I turn,
and my foot catches in a...
I didn't see exactly what it was.
I was kind of in a hurry, see?
But I'm stuck. I'm lost.
Now a voice says,
"Keep cool, pal. "
And beside me I see Woodrow!
Not yet! Not yet!
Everything is all right.
That's doing you
a lot of good.
I tell you I'm not running for
mayor. You're not running for mayor?
Why, you couldn't stop from
being mayor of this town if you...
Don't drink that, Woodrow. Don't
drink that. It's cooking wine.
Well, I'm cooked.
Zing, he got another one!
Zang, another one hits the deck!
Zowie! He clubs two of them
with the butt end of his gun!
We duck, and we run another
little piece, then drop!
Zing, zing, and two more
brown brothers bite the dust!
Now he picks up a machine gun.
But the Japs kept coming,
and he kept firing.
The machine gun got hot.
His hands were burning,
but Woodrow stuck to his post.
I managed to get near him,
then I got hit.
As I'm laying there,
somebody pulls me to safety.
I open my eyes,
and who do I see but Woodrow!
Once again, fellow citizens,
you have chosen me
to be your Major. Applause.
And once again,
I accept the charge.
Make that responsibility.
I accept the responsibility...
Make that deep responsibility.
I accept
the deep responsibility...
No, just make that
plain responsibility.
I wish you'd make up your mind. What?
And don't go so fast.
I don't know how to do this.
Then, why isn't Libby here?
She'll be back.
She's still getting paid
as my secretary,
you know,
no matter who she marries.
What do you mean,
no matter who she marries?
I mean, even if
she is engaged to you.
Now, where was I?
"Once again, fellow citizens,
"you have chosen me
to be your Major, applause.
"And once again,
I accept the charge.
"Make that responsibility.
I accept the responsibility.
"Make that deep responsibility.
I accept the deep responsibility.
"No, just make that
plain responsibility. "
Are you simple-minded
or something?
I accept the responsibility with a sense of
both humility, satisfaction and gratitude.
You dictated plain
responsibility. That's right!
That means responsibility
without adjectives.
Jumping Jehoshaphat!
Now, where was I?
Don't tell me!
I accept the responsibility with a
sense of both humility, satisfaction
and gratitude.
You can't say both humility,
satisfaction and gratitude.
Both means two.
And you have humility, satisfaction
and gratitude. That's three.
I can't say it?
You cannot.
I've been saying it for years.
Well, it isn't correct grammar.
I'm not running on a platform
of correct grammar.
I even let my grammar
slop over a little, sometimes.
You certainly do!
It gives that homey feeling,
horny hands and honest hearts!
Now, where was I?
"With a sense of both humility,
satisfaction and gratitude. "
All right, take out humility.
Leave it in.
Take it out!
Will you do as I tell you instead of
sitting there a like a stuffed nincompoop
trying to annoy me just because your
girlfriend is out with somebody else?
Now, where was I?
"With a sense of both
satisfaction and gratitude. "
And humility.
Well, what are you gaping at?
Well, cut it out. Now...
Well, it's about time.
I'm sorry.
I'll take it, Forrest.
I trust the conquering hero
is home, and that's that.
Yes, sir.
Have you been crying?
Now, let's get this speech out of
the way without further interruptions.
Dictating to my son is
like dictating to a sponge.
Mr. Noble,
before you go any...
I said without further
interruptions, if you please.
If it's all the same to you.
Yes, sir.
What were you crying about?
You can fight that out later.
Now, where was I?
"With a sense of both humility,
satisfaction and gratitude. "
You can't say that.
I can't say it?
Both means two,
and you have...
Will you be so kind as to permit
me to dictate my own speech?
I'm sorry.
As President and owner
of the Noble Chair Company,
Seats of all Descriptions,
I am to most of you...
Make that many of you.
Or make it some of you.
Your employer,
but as Mayor of our fair city,
I am to all of you your servant.
That's a nice twist.
Mine not to reason why.
Mine but to...
Do or die.
When I want your assistance,
I'll ask for it.
Mine but to...
Well, what are you looking at?
Well, cut it out.
Mine but to...
What's all that hollering
down the street?
It's for Woodrow. That's
what I was trying to tell you.
You see, Doc Bissell and
the rest of them came up...
Well, I suppose that's natural,
so long as they don't overdo it.
Now... "Mine not to reason
why. Mine but to... "
Hearken and obey.
Heaven knows I did not
seek this distinction,
but since you force it upon
me, what alternative have I?
Save your voice, Evvy.
What? What's the matter?
Bissell's just retired in favor
of Woodrow, the local hero.
In favor of Woodrow,
the local hero?
We got a fight on our hands. You
mean that I welcomed at the station?
That's right. Now you
have some real opposition.
That boy made
the loveliest speech.
Wasn't it thrilling, Libby? Will
you kindly shut up for a minute?
You mean he's running
for Mayor? That's right.
He was so shy and embarrassed,
but at the same time so manly...
Will you kindly... You mean
running for Mayor against me?
That's what I was trying
to tell you. Will you...
But he can't do that with the
election only two days off.
He can. He has.
You'll have a chance
to use all your oratory, dear.
He most certainly cannot.
Why, that's entirely illegal.
Why, if such were the case, I mean to
say, why, any loose character whatsoever
fresh from the penitentiary
could come along...
Loose character, Mr. Noble?
Woodrow doesn't happen to be
a loose character,
and he's fresh from the battlefield,
not from the penitentiary.
That was a figure of speech.
Well, I don't care for it.
Father didn't mean it
the way it sounded.
Well, maybe Father did.
Which side are you on, anyway?
The romantic side,
of course, dear.
Because I don't want any spies
in my office. Father, please.
Everett, for heaven's sakes.
He doesn't mean that, Libby.
Oh, yes, I do.
Well, if you don't want me
around your office,
you certainly don't
have to have me.
This is your daughter,
you old idiot.
This is your son's fiance.
She isn't my fiance.
When I lose confidence
in people...
She's gonna live in
your house with you.
She's isn't gonna live in my house with
me. I'll move into the doghouse first.
Then, goodbye, Mr. Noble. Goodbye,
Miss Whatever-Your-Name-Is.
Libby, for heaven's sake...
That's right, abandon the
shinking sip... Sinking ship.
Aren't you ashamed of yourself,
Evvy? You're not sunk yet.
You're very popular
in some quarters.
Anyway, the whole thing
is entirely illegal.
Why, his name isn't even on
the ballot. It don't have to be.
He's a write-in candidate. That's what
that blank space at the bottom is for.
Well, that most certainly
is not what it's for.
It's to count them with...
It's to put the date on.
You call my lawyer.
I'm calling him now,
but you can take it from me,
this is a free country. They
can vote for anybody they like.
But that's disgraceful!
I know, but that's how it is, and
the way it is, it don't look so good.
You mean
he actually has a chance?
A chance?
Did you ever see a snowslide?
Hello. Max?
I guess we all
are a little bit.
Talking that way about a boy
who risked his life
so the Noble Chair Company
can make its 12%.
"Business as usual. "
The Noble Chair Company
makes 24%,
just enough to cover its taxes,
but he doesn't mean it, Libby.
Politicians always talk
that way about each other.
Woodrow is probably calling Father
an old windbag right this minute.
Well, if he is, he's right.
Thank you.
I'm sorry. We all are
a little upset, I guess.
You weren't going to stay on
as Father's secretary, anyway,
after our marriage,
so what does it matter?
What was I going to do?
Stay home and weave?
Well, you might stay home
and take care of your children
with the servant problem
as it is.
Well, thank you for warning
me. Do you mean that?
Oh, of course I don't mean it.
I don't mean anything,
but that ass of
a father of yours
going around talking about people
he doesn't know anything about.
You're still talking about
your children's grandfather.
What are you trying to do,
depress me?
If I thought they'd look
anything like him...
Well, I don't look
anything like him.
I've noticed that.
I pin my hopes on it.
We're getting a little
disagreeable again, aren't we?
We seem to be.
Maybe now that the hero is home, you
feel a little differently about me.
No, I don't.
I feel exactly the same about
you that I've always felt.
That you're upright and honorable
and tall and handsome and wealthy
and exactly what any girl in
her right mind would hope for.
Thank you.
I just wish Woodrow hadn't come
home exactly when he did, that's all.
What's he got to do with us?
Oh, nothing.
It just spoils things a little,
that's all. Why should it?
Or do you think
I ought to offer you to him,
like the keys to the city,
on a silver platter?
Oh, don't talk
like an idiot.
And say, "Here, O noble hero,
it happens to be my fiance,
"but I'm only a civilian after all, so if
you'd rather have her, just help yourself.
"Don't bother to
stand on ceremony. "
In the first place,
he doesn't want me.
Oh, you asked him, did you?
I did not.
In the second place,
I'm engaged to you.
I had plenty of time to think it over before
I accepted you, and that's all there is to it.
A girl who went around
changing her mind all the time
wouldn't be much good,
I don't think.
She wouldn't be
much good to me.
Well, she wouldn't be
much good to anybody.
Thank you.
Where's your ring?
My aunt has it.
I was afraid of losing it
in all the excitement.
Oh. How did he take
the news anyway?
Oh, you mean Woodrow?
Well, naturally
I mean Woodrow.
How many people
did you have to break it to?
Well, I didn't quite get
the chance to tell him yet.
You haven't told him yet?
I didn't get the chance.
Then, what have you been doing
all day, basking in his glory?
I just didn't
get an opening.
Do you want me to tell him?
I'll create an opening.
No, I don't.
Holy mackerel.
Don't sound like your father.
Well, when are you gonna tell him?
Well, I'll go over
in a little while.
Be sure and put on
something pretty. I will.
And try not to break his heart. I won't.
Holy mackerel. Will I
see you anymore tonight?
Well, then, good night.
Good night, dear.
Say, you haven't got
any more boyfriends
in the Army, the Navy
or the Marine Corps, have you?
No, dear.
He was the only one.
Well, that's the war for you.
It's always hard on women.
Either they take your men away
and never send them back at all,
or they send them back
unexpectedly just to embarrass you.
No consideration at all.
There, there, there.
...and when I say surrounded,
I mean surrounded!
One for the little girl.
We want Woodrow
for our mayor.
M- A-R-E? M- A-Y-O-R.
What's the matter with you?
What have horses
got to do with it?
It's a good thing this food
came in when it did.
It's a good thing
Woodrow came in when he did.
Win with Woodrow!
One Woodrow Special.
Coming up. That means
the best of everything.
Win with Woodrow. Now be careful.
The ink is still a little fresh.
Wait a minute.
He's on his feet.
He's running toward us carrying
the machine gun with him.
He's fooled them, see?
Their guns began to chatter,
but he reached the trees.
We're saved,
and as he comes staggering...
Your mother told you not to
drink any more of that stuff.
Say, am I four years old or
something? You give me that...
You behave yourself and do
like your mother tells you.
You made her
enough trouble.
I made her trouble?
That's right.
You made me trouble.
You and your mother complex...
Listen, knucklehead, you take
one more crack at your mother...
Who's taking cracks at my
mother? All I said was...
Well, don't say it.
Are you nuts or something?
Oh, Woodrow, isn't it
wonderful? I'm so proud of you.
We're short of sugar.
Oh, my boy.
There's only one...
You see that look in her eyes?
Yes, I saw it.
Well, that's what
we're working for, see?
Can't you get it through
that thick skull of yours...
All right, you're on next. Just
shoot them some bull about how you was
in a hot spot with your foot
caught in a gizmo
and the ringtails
is coming from all sides,
and just when you ain't got a
chance, who should come along but...
Will you quit telling lies
and getting me in deeper and deeper
so there'll never be a way out?
They're eating it up.
Let them enjoy it.
Can I tell them about
me and Smitty at Tulagi?
Sure, only you gotta be
Smitty, and he's got to be you,
and you both gotta come
out alive. Ding how.
Everything's going great.
You're gonna win the walk,
and once you're in, you're in.
Don't you understand
an election based on fraud...
Where's the fraud?
You was in the Marines.
Look, I didn't expect this
any more than you did,
but now that it happened,
let it happen.
They want heroes,
we got six of them.
All right, we throw in a seventh
for good luck. Who's counting?
We're doing it
for your ma, kid.
They say opportunity's only
got one hair on its head,
and you gotta grab it
while it's going by
and dog it down or you
mightn't get another chance.
I don't want another chance.
I don't want any part of it.
You got it
whether you want it or not.
Don't you understand that
this is all based on lies?
What lies? You put on the wrong blouse
when the train come into the station.
That could happen to anybody. The
lies they're telling out front.
Who's telling lies out front?
Every one of those boys is telling the
truth, except they change the names a little
so as not to
give out military information.
Anyway, those ain't lies. Those are
campaign promises. They expect them.
Hello, Woodrow.
Hello, Libby.
Gee, you look lovely.
Thank you.
You shouldn't drink
too much of that stuff, dear,
no matter how much
you feel like celebrating.
Are you gonna start now?
Why, Woodrow, I'm only
thinking of your own good.
Well, there are
too many people doing it.
They're thinking
about my own good so much,
they're gonna land me in the
hoosegow, if they haven't already.
Why, Woodrow, you've been
nipping. I have not been nipping.
And I'll tell you
something else.
I have something to tell you,
Woodrow. All right, all right,
but the less you hang around
here and are seen with me,
the better it's gonna be
for you, you understand?
Now, I'm telling you
that for your good.
Oh, you needn't think I want
to cash in on your glory.
All I came here to tell you...
Who said anything about that?
All I came here to tell you is that
I'm going to marry Forrest Noble
next Sunday morning at 10:00,
and the only reason
I didn't tell you all day...
That's marvelous.
...was because I didn't want
to spoil your homecoming.
But that's marvelous. That's
the best news I heard all day.
Well, I'm glad
you feel that way about it.
At least I don't have
to worry about you.
Because I think
it's marvelous, too,
and I hope I never see you
again as long as I live.
Here's your frat pin.
Wait a minute, will you?
Woodrow, you've just got to come
out and address the crowd again.
They will no longer accept
substitutes any longer.
I am not going out
to address the crowd again.
I already told them
how I felt.
But that's no way to
run for mayor. Or is it?
I'm not running for mayor.
But you are running for mayor.
But I'm not.
Whether you like it or not.
You've been drafted.
Can they do that?
They done it.
Listen to them.
You listen to them.
Feel it.
Win with Woodrow
Win with Woodrow
Let's give Everett the air
Up with Woodrow
Down with Noble
Let's kick Evvy off the chair
Up our hero goes and down
this zero goes 'cause we want
It's just like Lincoln said,
"You can fool all of the people
part of the time and part of the... "
Where'd he go?
What's happened to him?
What do you want?
Look, I'm in enough trouble
without you turning against me.
When did I turn against you? I've
been loyal to you all my life.
I... You know how I felt about
you. You broke off with me.
I would have waited for always. Even
so I asked my fianc's permission
to welcome you the way I thought
you'd like to be welcomed.
Although I may have been wrong,
I defended you all afternoon
and got fired for it by Mr. Noble... No.
...and almost broke off
my engagement with Forrest.
And you say I'm turning
against you. I'm sorry.
Will you cut that out?
No, I won't. You've caused
me enough trouble as it is
with everybody saying
I threw you over
while you were fighting
overseas to marry Forrest,
as if I'd do such a thing,
but I couldn't very well go around
wearing your letter in my hat
telling me you'd fallen in love with
somebody else, which is your perfect right.
And I'm deeply in love
with Forrest,
and you have to come back...
A heel.
A hero.
So, now they can say,
"You see?
"It served her right. She
got just what she deserved. "
Will you cut it out? I've got
enough trouble! You have trouble?
And how I have.
I should say so.
You can have any girl in town
you want, and you get a monument,
and they burned
your mother's mortgage,
and you're going to be mayor,
and I'm going to marry Forrest.
But you said
you loved him deeply.
Well, of course I do, but
what's that got to do with it?
Listen to them...
...and down this zero goes 'cause
we want Woodrow for our mayor
You don't know
how well-off you are.
Oh, don't talk that way. You're
only going to make me feel worse.
If you knew what I heel I was,
you'd be very happy.
And I am very happy, and I know
exactly how much of a heel you are.
You do?
Anybody who could write
a letter like you wrote
six weeks after we parted,
like we parted,
you wouldn't have to tell me
any more about it.
You don't know anything.
Well, I don't want to know
anything about her.
Whether she's tall or short
or thin or fat or blonde,
I just hope she's awful!
No, I don't.
I hope she's beautiful and that
you have 10 children by her.
Is she?
If you only knew.
Well, I don't want to know.
Well, I guess you have to
start being grown-up sometime.
Might as well be now.
It's a beautiful night, isn't it? Great.
Are you worried
about something, Woodrow?
Who, me? How could I be?
Don't you want to be mayor?
Of course I want to be mayor.
I'd like to
have a million dollars, too.
Well, then, of course, I don't
know what it's like to be famous.
I suppose it even
has its drawbacks,
but I think you'd be so proud,
Woodrow, so satisfied.
I know I certainly am for you,
no matter how I talked out there.
I'm gonna be famous,
all right.
I was so proud even sitting
beside you this afternoon.
Do you remember when we used to
come here in the cool of the evening?
Naturally. I thought
maybe you'd forgotten.
So much can happen
in a year.
So much can happen in a day.
I suppose so.
Were you surprised when
they nominated you for mayor?
Surprised is not
the word for it.
Oh, excuse me.
That's all right.
Did you ever think of
me in Guadalcanal? No.
Oh, I guess that's a pretty
busy place. I guess so.
I thought of you
in other places, though.
Just other places.
I'm so glad. Even though
it can only be a memory now.
Do you remember when we cut
our initials in the tree?
They're still there.
Why wouldn't they be?
They'll always be there.
Unless something happens to
the tree. I'd never allow that.
You'd be better off to chop the
tree down and forget me for good.
That's why I'm so glad
you're gonna marry Forrest.
Why, it's such a load
off my mind.
There's no hope for Mom.
She'll just have to leave town,
but at least you can say
you suspected all along,
and that's why you broke off
with me and married Forrest,
who's all right
if you like people like that.
Then you won't
get hurt, see?
Because outside of Mom, you're the
only thing in the world I care for,
the only thing that matters.
Now that it's over, I want you
to know that that letter I wrote
was the hardest thing
I ever did in all my life.
I thought about you every night and
every morning and every afternoon.
Every girl I saw
reminded me of you,
and every flower,
I wanted to send to you.
That's why I'm so happy, see? Because
you've had such a narrow escape.
I think you're a little bit
feverish, dear...
Who, me? I'm just a little bit
phony, that's all. A little.
You, a phony?
That's right. You don't have to tell
anybody. They'll find out soon enough.
But I'm never gonna be mayor or
anything else, you understand?
I've never been in Guadalcanal.
I've never won any medals.
I've never even been in the Marine
Corps really, you understand?
Oh, you've had
a very hard day, dear.
Yes, but wait till
tomorrow comes.
I don't think
you're feeling very well.
Who, me? I never felt
better in my life,
except I never felt worse.
You'll be all right, dear.
I suppose you despise me now.
Despise you?
How can you despise
anybody you love,
even though you are engaged
to another man?
I'll love you as long as I live,
Woodrow, and you might as well know so now
while we still have a few
moments, a last few moments...
I don't think you understood what I
said. I'm a phony. I'm a faker. I'm...
You're just telling me that
to make me feel better.
I am not. I'm never
going to feel any better.
I'm just broken-hearted,
Woodrow. I...
Wait a minute, will you?
Libby, will you wait a minute?
Hey, here he is.
I almost thought you took
it on the lam for a minute.
Oh, excuse me. Sergeant,
will you tell Libby
I've never been in Guadalcanal or
anyplace else? That I'm just a phony?
Sure, he's never been
in Guadalcanal.
He's never been no place.
None of us have.
We're all phonies, see?
Especially after a hard day,
only sometimes we're more
phony than others, you get me?
I understand. He ain't
running for mayor or nothing.
He just needs a good night's
sleep. What're you trying to pull?
A good night's rest instead of trying
to make a sucker out of the Marine Corps.
Get your arms away from me!
We all get it. You ought
to see me in a thunderstorm.
Good night, Woodrow.
Good night... No.
Come on, take him away.
No, Libby, wait a minute.
No, you're making a mistake.
We want Woodrow.
We want Woodrow for our mayor
Win with Woodrow
Win with Woodrow
Of all the cheesy songs I ever heard,
that one certainly takes the cracker.
Down with Noble
Let's kick Evvy off his chair
Feel better?
Why don't you
eat your dinner?
How can you think of food
at a moment like this?
You gotta live.
Oh, it would turn to Russian dressing
in my stomach. What did they say?
They say everything
looks great. They did?
For Woodrow.
We want Woodrow for our Mayor
Win with Woodrow
Win with Woodrow
Don't chew with your mouth
open, do you mind?
I'm just a little bit
irritable. I don't blame you.
Well, are you going to
eat it, or aren't you?
I mean to say, why did he have to
come back at a moment like this?
I mean to say,
if he had to come back,
why couldn't he have come back
after the election?
I mean to say, I don't want to
sound unpatriotic or anything,
but a man like that
belongs in Guadeloupe.
I mean to say,
in a war like this,
every man must do
what he does best,
and what he does best,
he does in Guadalcanal.
Save your voice, Evvy.
I mean to say, a boy
like that needs exercise
and violent physical conflict
to keep him fit.
Why, he'll be lost in a town like
this. The quiet will kill him.
Save your throat, Evvy.
You don't have to persuade me.
What I'm trying to say is... I
know what you're trying to say.
I've been listening to you
long enough.
Do you always eat backwards?
I mean to say, I don't even
think he wants to be mayor.
Well, what does that mean?
Everybody wants to be mayor.
That's human nature.
Everybody but me. With
me it's just civic pride.
Why don't you look
what you're doing?
I mean to say, soldiers coming
back at moments like this
can upset a political balance
that has taken years to adjust.
You're telling me.
I mean to say, they...
They take on an importance that
completely overshadows the...
I mean to say,
if you took
the seats I'm building for the Army
and the Navy and the Marine Corps
and sat them side by side,
they'd probably stretch from
here to the shores of Tripoli,
but I can't wear one around my neck or
pin it on my bosom with a purple ribbon.
Save your voice, Evvy.
You notice they don't bring MacArthur
back on the eve of a national election.
I wonder if he really
is a hero?
Who, MacArthur?
Why, certainly he's a hero.
They're all heroes.
And if I didn't happen to have got stuck in
the Quartermaster Corps during the last war,
I'd probably have more stuff on me
than you could hang on a Christmas tree.
I was talking about Woodrow.
How do you know he's a hero?
Because I saw the things...
That don't make it official.
What are you talking about?
Don't go chasing moonbeams!
There's some things you have to
accept on faith... Value... Face value.
And one of them is a hero. You
can't ask him for his union card.
Then why do you suppose
he took off his uniform?
That ain't natural.
Because he's home. Because he's been
dismissed, or whatever you call it.
What for?
How do I know what for?
Maybe he has corns or bunions.
How do I know?
It ain't natural to take off
a uniform in wartime.
It's just
the other way around.
What are you doing there,
anyway? Get me Western Union.
I'm gonna wire the Marine base in San
Diego and check up on our local hero.
What's the matter with you? Are you
trying to kill me politically forever?
Save your voice, Evvy. You leave
me out of this, you understand?
I don't want to be mixed
up in this in any shape,
form, connection
or even by innuendo.
I'm waiting for
Western Union.
If you do this, it's completely
at your own risk and peril.
I challenge
his fitness as mayor,
but the one thing that I do
not challenge, question or doubt
is the fact
that he is a hero.
I want that definitely...
Shut up, will you?
I will not shut up.
Hello, Western Union?
Give me that. I won't...
I want to send a night letter.
They're coming through
the palm trees.
Here they come.
Save each other.
There's hundreds of them.
Can't you see them?
There's thousands of them!
Fix bayonets. Man the guns.
Here they come, boys. Commence
firing! Follow me. Charge!
What's the matter? Oh, I don't
know. I guess I had a nightmare.
You're lucky.
You're lucky you don't have
them all the time like some guys.
You want some more hot milk
or something?
I'll be all right.
You gonna stay there
all night?
I don't care much about
sleeping at night.
What's the matter now?
I'm all right.
Was you looking for something?
I got it! Oh, boy!
I've got it! Everything's all right.
It came to me with the sunrise.
Oh, boy.
Get set, get ready,
on your marks. Oh, boy.
Hot diggity.
Thank you, ma'am.
They go down a little easier with
some butter on them, Mrs. Truesmith.
Maybe you haven't heard
there's a war on, Sergeant.
Boy, I guess she told you.
Win with Woodrow
Win with Woodrow
Good morning, all.
Good morning, Mama.
Good morning, darling. I
hope you all had a good night.
Well, well, how about a stack of
your famous flannel cakes, Mama?
Light as a feather and put
together by fairy hands.
Taste their crunchy, brunchy,
munchiness. Ask your grocer.
Good morning, boys. Good
morning, Sergeant Heppelfinger.
Is everybody happy?
I trust your conscience didn't
keep you awake during the night.
You know, there's nothing
like a well-trained conscience.
Now, you take the conscience in its
wild or native form when first trapped...
What is it? What's the
matter, am I unpleasant?
Is the reason for my unpopularity
at last revealed as in a vision?
I was wondering if you'd been guzzling
some more of that cooking wine.
Guzzling at this hour of the
morning. Sergeant, you offend me.
What happened? Did somebody
leave you some dough or something?
Because I'm happy?
Now, wouldn't you be happy if you were
about to become the mayor of this fair city?
Not large, mind you,
but fascinating.
Lives there a man with a soul so
dead who never to himself hath said...
Good morning, Libby.
Won't you join us
in a stack of collision mats,
as they say in the good old
Marine Corps, and a cup of jamoke?
Thank you.
Good morning, Mrs. Truesmith.
Good morning, dear.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Good morning, Woodrow.
Good morning.
I'm glad you're feeling better.
Never felt better in my life.
Just call me Mr. Mayor.
Oh, you got over all that nonsense,
then? What nonsense was that?
I mean about never having been
in Guadalcanal and all that stuff.
I said such a thing? Well, I
certainly understood you to.
But how could I?
I'm a great hero. People
run when they see me coming.
I kill Nips with a wave of
the hand. I blow them down.
I shoot them from all angles, backwards,
forwards, while looking in mirrors.
I swim into the water
and drown them like rats.
I pick up a machine gun and...
I got it.
You got what? He's playing
Daffy Dill from Dopeyville.
Oh, no, I'm not.
I invite an investigation.
I'm as sane as a Dane,
and I'm going to be mayor.
Are you sure you feel all right,
Woodrow? There you are, Libby.
What are you talking about,
dear? I'll tell you one thing.
I certainly feel a lot better
than I did yesterday.
I'll get it, dear.
What are you trying to pull?
You'll find out.
Yes? Hello. This is the
Marine base in San Diego.
Is Corporal Truesmith there?
Woodrow, Marine base in San
Diego wants to talk to you.
To me?
Now, whatever could the Marine base
in San Diego want to talk to me about?
I'd better find out.
All ready, Woodrow?
In just one moment.
Good morning, all.
Good morning, Judge.
Good morning, Dr. Bissell.
Hello? Yes, yes, this is
Corporal Truesmith speaking.
What's that?
Oh, yes, sir, Colonel.
What's that you say?
Oh, excuse me, Colonel, I'm
naturally so excited to hear that
that I just naturally forgot
who I was talking to.
Yeah. Well, don't forget to
save me some breakfast, will you?
I probably shouldn't be doing this at
all, and if the gang ever finds out...
Yes, sir, Colonel,
I certainly will.
And I'm awfully grateful to you for
calling me and for taking me back.
Thank you, Colonel, sir.
Woodrow. Well, what
do you know about that?
Know about what?
What a small world.
They're taking me back into the
Marine Corps for limited service
and I have to leave
for San Diego at once.
But the parade.
The rally.
The mayoralty. Aren't you
going to be our new mayor?
I'm sorry, Judge.
The United States comes first.
They won't be sending you anywhere
dangerous anymore, will they?
Well, I should hope not,
after all he's been through.
It'll probably be just
some sort of clerical work,
you know,
like working in a shipyard
or an aeroplane factory,
you know, guarding things.
Then, why don't they leave
you here where we need you?
That's right.
That's one of the weaknesses
of the military viewpoint.
Doesn't always recognize the
importance of civilians in wartime.
You were
our only hope, Woodrow.
Well, I'm sorry, Judge, but
when duty calls, duty calls.
Do you have to leave
today, dear? I'm afraid so.
You'll ride in
the parade anyway, won't you?
Now that it's all dolled up
and everything?
Well, sure, but I don't see what good
it'll do. When duty calls, you gotta go.
Well, it might do some good.
Well, I certainly can't
refuse that.
Well, I'll see if
everything's ready then.
It's going to be more
like a funeral march.
Can I ride in the parade with
you, Woodrow? Just this last time?
Sure, if you think it'd be all
right. Of course it'll be all right.
I have the right
to say goodbye to you.
I'm sorry, Mama, but I just
can't do anything about it.
It'll be so lonely
without you.
Lay off.
Good morning.
Where you been?
Who, me? I was just
taking a little walk.
Since when do you
forget to have breakfast?
Well, I just...
Oh, you were just making a little
phone call to that dame in San Diego.
I got you, Colonel.
Well, you know...
Why you can't...
We're very sorry, it's nothing.
There's just a little feeling there.
Lay off, will you?
You can settle it later.
Hey, what's the big idea?
You meant that for me,
didn't you? What about it?
You think I'm afraid, huh?
Well, I'm sure glad I wasn't
ever in a foxhole with you.
Let him go.
You yellow...
Let him go!
Go find a woman to fight with.
That's all you know how to hurt.
Come on, kid.
Parades, statues, burning
mortgages... I subscribed to that.
So did I, for that matter,
but I mean to say...
Save your voice, Evvy.
For what? I mean to say,
I have nothing
against the boy personally.
A hero is a fine thing in
its place. You mean in a park.
I don't mean that at all.
I don't wish this young man
anything but success
in what he can do best,
but what can he do best?
If you ask me, I think...
That is our problem.
I speak not as your candidate for
mayor, but as the most humble voter.
Get me a glass of water,
will you?
Why don't you save your
voice? Why don't you shut up?
I mean to say, this problem
is not local. It's national.
In a few years, if the
war goes on, heaven forbid,
you won't be able to swing a cat
without knocking down a couple of heroes.
Now, are we going to be
governed by young men,
very young men, however well-meaning
or patriotic they may be,
whose principal talent consists of
hopping in and out of wolf holes...
They're called foxholes.
Talent consists of hopping
in and out of foxholes
and killing hundreds of enemies
with one swoop of the sword?
Or are we going to be governed by
respectable civic leaders of mature age
who do not seek the appointment,
but accept it as a civic duty?
I refer to men like,
well, myself.
Up our hero goes
and down this zero goes
'Cause we want Woodrow
for our mayor
We want Woodrow
We want Woodrow
We want Woodrow for our mayor
Win with Woodrow
Win with Woodrow
Let's give Everett the air
Up with Woodrow
Down with Noble
Let's get Everett
off the chair
Up our hero goes and down
Isn't it exciting, Evvy? They'll
find out whether it's exciting or not.
Hold your horses.
What's the matter now?
Have you got a wire for me?
Howdy, Mr. Mayor.
How are you?
If I can just remember
where I put it.
What kind of wire? Can you
remember where it came from?
Well, let me see. It's
San Diego. Oh, boy.
You're a big help.
I'm sorry, Evvy.
Why don't you watch
what you're doing?
But, then, how could he
have been in the Guadalcanal?
That's just it. He wasn't.
He wasn't?
No. Well, then. Then,
he's a fraud, a faker.
He ought to be tarred
and feathered, oh, boy!
Who's a fraud and a faker?
Save your voice, Evvy.
Who's a fraud and a faker?
Your hero!
I don't believe it.
You don't believe it? Come on!
Now, be careful.
We want Woodrow
We want Woodrow for our mayor
Win with Woodrow
Win with Woodrow
Let's give Everett the air
I wonder if this would be
rubbing it in a little, eh?
It says, "Help yourself. " Well,
there's still plenty of time.
Everett, I just have a feeling you're
going to make an ass of yourself,
and I'm just going to pretend
I don't know you.
I wish you didn't have to
pretend. Save your voice, Evvy.
Quiet, please.
Quiet, please!
And if the band will
kindly cease for one moment,
we will be able
to hear the address
we are all so anxious to hear.
The first speaker will be
our beloved Judge Dennis.
Yesterday morning, seven
Marines got off the northbound.
Six of them were
strangers to us.
One, a local boy
who had made good.
Yesterday afternoon,
we asked this local boy
to cast his lot with ours.
You might call us the unvested or
shirtsleeve interests of the town.
Shall we do it now, or let him
linger? Let him have his moment.
To cast his lot with ours
and lead us to victory.
I'm going to ask Woodrow himself
to tell you the rest of the story.
Oh, come now.
I came here this morning
to say goodbye to you,
to tell you that I have been called back
into the Marine Corps for limited service,
and that for that reason I
would be unable to run for mayor.
Well, I'm not going to do it.
You'd better save your hoorays
for somebody else.
For somebody
who deserves them.
Like Doc Bissell here, who's
tried for so long to serve you,
only you didn't know a
good man when you saw one.
So, you always elected
a phony instead.
Oh, I am, am I? Well, let me
tell you something, young man.
Save your voice, Evvy.
You'll find out.
Everett, you're making
a spectacle of yourself.
Will you kindly...
Until a still-bigger phony
came along,
then you naturally wanted him.
This should have been
the happiest day of my life.
It could have been.
Instead, it's the bitterest.
It says in the Bible,
"My cup runneth over. "
Well, my cup runneth over
with gall.
This is the last act.
The farce is over.
The lying is finished,
and the coward is
at least cured of his fear.
Ladies and gentlemen, I think this
whole thing had better be called off.
He don't feel so good
in the head sometimes.
Sit down!
Wait a minute, Sergeant.
I was born in this town.
My father was born here.
Most of this town is on
my grandfather's homestead.
My grandfather was an
honorable man. So was my father.
I've sold papers on the street to
most of you who are here this morning.
I've known you all my life.
Your affection means
a great deal to me,
and now that
I've lost the chance forever,
I want you all to know how much it
would have meant to me to be the mayor,
or the city clerk, or the assistant city
clerk or the dogcatcher of this town,
which was
my grandfather's farm.
By the same token, I would
have gladly given my life
to have earned just one of the many ribbons
you've seen on these brave men's chests.
If I could reach as high as
my father's shoestrings,
my whole life would be justified, and
I would stand here before you proudly,
instead of as the thief
and the coward that I am.
I say a coward
because I postponed until now
what I should have told you
a year ago
when I was discharged from the
Marine Corps for medical unfitness.
A coward because I didn't want
my mother to know.
Well, it wasn't to save her.
It was to save me.
A thief because
I stole your admiration.
I stole the ribbons I wore.
I stole this nomination.
I have never been in Guadal...
I have never been in
Guadalcanal or anyplace else.
I've been working in
a shipyard for the last year.
I've never received medals
of any description,
since I've never fought.
Two days ago
I decided to come home,
and since I'd written to
my mother that I was overseas,
I had to come home
as a soldier.
I had to have some ribbons,
so I bought some in a hockshop.
When I was all dressed up,
I met some real Marines,
and I fooled them just as much
as I did the rest of you.
Not that I really wanted
to fool any of you. I...
I just wanted to come home.
That's as dirty a lie
as I ever...
Sit down!
Sit down!
I've told you all this because
too many men have bled
and died for you and for me
to live this lie any longer.
I guess that's why I told you. I
certainly didn't mean to when I came in.
I'm going home now
and pack my things,
so this will probably be my last
chance to say goodbye to you.
I know my mother will
give you back the mortgage,
and I hope you won't hold it against her
that the son didn't quite come through.
There's no use telling you
I'm sorry, because
I wish I was dead.
That's all.
I need some air.
If everybody will
please keep your seats.
Please, please, sit down.
I just wanna
tell you one thing, see.
I seen a lot of brave men in
my life. That's my business,
but what that kid just done
took real courage, you get me?
And now that
he's shot his mouth off,
you might as well hear the rest of
it. In fact, you'd better hear it.
There's six of us, see, and
we got 15 cents between us,
and we're from Guadalcanal,
and no fooling, what I mean!
I'll be over in a few minutes.
You'd better not, dear.
You've got yourself in enough
trouble. I'll be over in a few minutes.
There you see
one of the fallacies...
I wouldn't want this to go
any further, you understand?
...of the
democratic principle.
They can vote for
anybody they like.
I was never deceived
for an instant,
but the poor,
misguided voters,
without a brain
to bless themselves with,
without a cerebellum
to the carload...
Make a note of that, Jake,
I'll use it. I wouldn't.
Open up their arms to...
Oh, there you are.
I'm so sorry, dear.
My heart bled for you.
You have the effrontery
to return?
Oh, shut up, Evvy.
Don't pay
any attention to him, Libby.
And what do you think
of your hero now?
Don't rub it in. She
probably feels badly enough.
Well, she should feel badly,
and if you ask my advice...
Which I don't...
You heard him.
He's a sucker to even consider
going through with the marriage.
I've got to see somebody
outside. I don't blame you.
But I don't feel badly at all.
You don't?
Good for you.
Father, I wish you'd keep
your nose out of my affairs.
This is a matter entirely
between Libby and myself.
And Woodrow.
And Woodrow?
And Woodrow?
What do you mean,
You mean to tell me after
that disgraceful exhibition
you still have
any interest in the hero?
I guess women feel a little differently
than men do about these things, Forrest.
Of course they do.
So, if you'll please forgive me
and not think too harshly of me.
You see what I told you?
You walked right into it.
Why couldn't
you stay here, dear?
Now that
you've told everything,
nothing much more can happen.
Who'd give me a job?
I'll tell you what I'll do,
If I can find a nice place
someplace where we're not known,
I'll send for you and...
I know you meant it
for the best.
I know you meant it for me, no
matter what anyone else might think.
Can I help you?
I can manage all right.
Well, save a little room
for me, will you?
Oh, stupid, stupid, stupid!
Of course I'm going with you.
I've never loved anybody
but you,
and you never loved anybody
but me.
You can't say it's because you're a
hero that I'm running after you, can you?
Oh, Woodrow, when I
think I almost lost you.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
You're crazy, honey.
Then I'm crazy.
Is she on time, Mrs.
Kennedy? How's that?
Is the southbound on time? Yep.
Be here in four and a
quarter minutes. Thank you.
Where you going? Thought
you was running for mayor.
I changed my mind.
That's very unusual.
Well, this is an unusual case.
How about the sarge?
I told him where you were.
Go find him.
He'll be here.
He don't ever miss nothing.
Hey, jiggers, the whole town is
coming! What is it, a lynching?
With us here, we'll kind of
surround you, see?
Yeah, you were gonna
do that before, you remember?
Take it easy. Take it easy.
Just a minute, Come here.
Come here.
Quiet, quiet!
Take it easy! Take it easy!
Come on, back it up, will you?
Quiet! Give the guy a
little room, will you?
Thank you very much.
You wanted to see me,
Judge Dennis?
We had quite a talk
after you left, Woodrow.
The Sergeant told us a few
things. Quite a few things.
That you had forgotten
to mention.
Naturally the nomination
went back to Doc Bissell.
But he got up and said...
"Ladies and gents... "
Don't misquote me.
What? I said, "Ladies and gentlemen. "
Of course you did.
I said, "Ladies and gentlemen,
"in all the years that I have been
unsuccessfully mixed into politics,
"this is the first and only time that
I have ever seen a candidate for office
"given an opportunity
to prove publicly,
"permanently and
beyond peradventure of doubt
"that he was honest,
courageous and veracious. "
That means truthful.
He likes those big words.
I said further
that if to act out a little lie to save
one's mother humiliation was a fault,
in other words,
if tenderness toward
and consideration
of one's mother was a fault,
it was a fault
any man might be proud of.
Hear! Hear!
Thank you.
I made a very good speech
on your behalf, Woodrow.
Much better than
I ever made for myself.
It was a wonderful
speech, Woodrow.
The guy had us
all blubbering.
I meant every word of it
straight from the heart.
I concluded by pointing out
that if this town really wanted an
honest, courageous and veracious mayor,
they had better catch you before you
caught the southbound and got away.
So we came right over.
That's why we're here.
I'm a little dizzy. I don't
quite get what you mean.
I think they mean they
want you as mayor, Woodrow.
You mean you still want me?
We still want you
very much.
What do we want
a soldier for anyway?
Politics is a very peculiar
thing, Woodrow.
If they want you,
they want you.
They don't need reasons anymore.
They find their own reasons.
It's just like
when a girl wants a man.
That's right.
You don't need reasons,
they're probably there.
Pardon me for intruding,
but is anybody interested
in getting on this train,
or is this the Democratic
National Convention?
Well, I... Of course
you're not going now.
Nobody's leaving, please.
Okay, all...
Just a minute, Mac.
Give me six of them tickets,
will you?
We still got a little work
to do in our own line.
So long, kid.
Goodbye, dear.
Will you come back?
Well, we always
come back before.
So long, everybody.
See youse in church.
Come on there, rookies.
Save your voice, Evvy. They've
just renominated Woodrow.
Isn't it exciting, Evvy?
Now the battle is on again.
Shut up!
Renominated Woodrow?
What on?
I don't know, but I think
it's a vindication campaign.
A vindication campaign?
Look out.
So long, gang.
All aboard!
I don't know how to... Don't
say it. It was a pleasure.
Anything for
the son of an old pal.
I knew the Marines could do
almost anything,
but I never knew they
could do anything like this.
You got no idea.