Happy Tears (2009) Movie Script
My flight was cancelled.
Fuck.
Yeah. We're fogged in.
Well, where are you?
Still at the airport, obviously.
Well, Laurent says it's sunny at home.
l don't know what to tell you, Laura.
l can come in tomorrow or the next day.
Absolutely not, Jayne.
l have been stuck out here for a week
taking care of him,
l've got to get back to San Francisco.
So you keep saying. Slower.
l'm sorry, Miss. We can't drive this slow.
We're going to get pulled over.
No. l don't care if you have to charter
a plane to Pittsburgh. You can amord it.
lt's there.
Some of us have to actually work
for a living.
Stop. Stop.
- What?
- Stop.
Stop pressuring me.
l'll be there, and when l get there,
l'm going to prove you wrong, okay?
- Get your ass here because l'm-
- The fog is lifting.
No! l-
Take a stroll.
Go on.
How do you love them?
l can't believe these are my legs.
Quite reasonable at 2,800.
So which do you prefer?
The black or the blue?
The boot on your right foot is blue-
nearly imperceptibly blue.
You can't stare at it, though.
You look, then look away.
So...who is it?
Who's the artist?
Milton Hofsteder.
l've heard of him.
l think l just read something about him.
An obituary.
Yeah.
Couple of months ago.
Have you been inside?
Would you buckle my shoe?
Jackson.
Here's the son.
Hey. Crazy timing, right?
But the work looks so powerful.
Your dad would have been happy, right?
Just wish he could have been here.
Just remember, l've got a great stam,
and you can hand it over to us
any time you want.
Don't go.
l'm Eli. l'm sorry, this is-
Mrs. Hofsteder?
Mrs. Hofsteder?
Mrs. Hofsteder?
Mrs. Hofsteder?
We're about to make our final descent.
Final descent?
We're about to land in Pittsburgh.
May l take this?
Take what?
Your cocMail.
l don't drink.
l'll just take it, then.
Do you mind
changing this station?
Thank you.
Could you change it again?
Could you change it again?
Laura?
Daddy?
Laura!
Laura!
Thanks a lot.
So don't pack 20 changes of clothes.
l packed your stum, too.
Your place was such a mess.
A sweater and a folder.
Well...
lf you have a couple of kids and no help-
Okay. Hi.
Good to see you.
New?
Yeah.
They're...they're boots.
Nice.
Yeah?
- They're blue.
- Black.
No, they're blue.
l guarantee you, they're black.
No, they're blue in the daylight.
You'll see.
What did you do to your face?
Nothing. But you look good.
No, l look like shit, and yes, you did.
l've only been gone for a week.
What could l have done in a week?
l really wouldn't know.
l'm not up on it.
l don't know what to tell you.
So where's Daddy?
Where's the patient?
Where's my folder?
lt's in the thing.
Daddy.
Sugar lip baby. How you doing?
- Good.
- Firm and trim,
but you can't lie still long enough
to get pregnant,
- can you?
- That's right.
So Laura says you're acting strange.
l'm just fine.
Well, you look fine. Told you.
Yeah.
What happened to your shirt, Joe?
l puked on it.
- Are you okay?
- Well, why not?
l got a house full of beautiful chicks
and a backyard full of gold.
What else can a man want?
Except maybe a little head now and then.
Oh, Daddy.
Aren't you a little too old for that?
You better ask my lady friend.
No, thank you.
We don't have to worry
about you, do we?
No.
That phone call last week
gave me a little scare.
You were a little confused.
l talked on the phone
to Laura last week, not you.
Yeah, but-
Seems to me you are the one
who's a little confused.
Joe, do you have to go to the bathroom?
She's got a thing
about my bowel movements.
Yeah.
l thought you were here to relieve me.
She says you're the one that's strange.
Poor Woofie.
l know. Couldn't survive without Mommy,
unlike some people.
So tell me about your new lady friend.
She's a mother fucker.
Can't wait to meet her.
Shelly's her name.
She's something else.
She's a nurse.
She sure is.
Go get him a shirt.
The pile on the couch is clean.
Hey-
You're Shelly.
l'm late for work.
Don't give me a hard time. Come on.
No.
Drink.
Just take it. Don't be a baby.
Blood pressure.
She's wearing Mommy's good coat.
Here's his meds for next week.
Phone numbers, what to do when,
where, et cetera, et cetera.
Why don't you dig up that treasure
and buy that nurse a new car?
Because l'm going to leave that
for you girls after l die.
All right, come on.
Joe!
Joe, l just asked you
if you had to go to the bathroom.
Oh, God. Take it out of here.
Oh, Daddy.
Come on. Let's go.
l asked you to get me diapers
after the last time.
Come on. Get a move on.
That means you, too.
Hold it, Omicer.
You got the wrong man.
Can you just be still?
Let's pull them down, all right?
You better get used to it
because l'm out of here
day after tomorrow.
You got the wrong man.
Yeah, very funny, Joe.
We got it the first time.
- Let's go to the park.
- Let's go play in the park.
l want to go inside and see Daddy.
Come on, this is your favorite ball.
You love to play with it.
He's inside the house.
No, come on. Let's go to the park.
Here, you can carry
the ball to the park.
Not with your hands, Jayne.
Are you crazy? That's disgusting.
What's wrong with you?
Here, look, just get me some liquid soap
from under the sink.
That's cold.
Jesus Christ.
Strawberry. Remember this smell?
Just get over here.
Do you want this to take all night?
Whoever used this shit?
l'm not talking to you.
Wow, wow, wow.
Damn it.
Damn it.
Damn it.
Damn it.
Damn it.
Damn it.
Oh, man.
- Eli, l don't know what l did with-
- It's me, Jackson.
Honey, where are you?
- At Daddy's.
- Already?
How is he?
How are you? How was the flight?
Yeah. The flight was good.
Sorry. So that's good.
lt's...
- Everything's great.
- Good.
l'm fine, except-
- It's the FedEx.
- So what? Jackson, listen to me.
lt's probably from MoMA.
lt doesn't matter. l'm fine.
l'm going to have to sign for it. Hold.
l'm fine, except l just scraped the shit
out of my father's ass-crack
with my bare hands!
Om!
Turn it om!
Okay.
What's with this Fort Knox lighting?
That and this fence.
lt's like...
''Attention, robbers.
Lest you pass this dump by,
let it be known there's
valuable stum in here.''
Well, he wants people to think
he's got something-
his buried treasure.
lt's so counter-
something.
l made a plate.
You didn't tell me he was shitting himself.
l wanted you to come.
Yum.
l'm so tired.
Just leave everything to me now.
lt's not just him.
lt's...
work and kids and no money.
You know, Jackson said-
We do have a little bit
of pride left, Jayne.
Well, at least Laurent does.
No, l quit.
l don't drink or smoke anymore.
Whoa. Really?
Exercise, diet, and no drugs.
Wow. Well, maybe that's going to help.
Help?
Oh, that. Yes.
Plus, l'm going to get my degree.
Good for you.
And l'm going to pry Jackson
away from his desk.
Yeah. Good luck.
And get pregnant.
How much?
They're 300.
And change.
On sale.
Why do you try to bullshit me?
Bastard.
He's got an appointment
with the neurologist in the morning.
Can you handle it?
Yeah. That's what l'm here for.
Right.
Wait.
What am l doing here?
Point.
Wait.
Come here.
Come here, grimy.
Are you still doing that?
Well, l can't tell the dimerence
if mine is open or closed or up, down.
You have to do it religiously,
every day, so...
With Laurent, l don't ever have to worry
about missing that crucial day.
Which l think is coming up for me.
Yeah? Why don't you
have Jackson come out?
He's too busy.
Not even just for, like,
a little quick wham-bam?
Take the next flight out.
l mean, he can amord it.
He's too busy.
That's your problem.
With Laurent,
l wouldn't have to ask twice.
You don't have to go, honey.
Yes, l do.
lt's the collectors.
Jackson!
- Legacy!
- Father!
Jackson.
Whoa!
Father.
Jackson!
Legacy!
Father.
Jackson!
Father!
Jackson!
l love you.
l would, but the retrospective-
Please. Just for a night or two.
l'll make it worth your while.
The gallery can handle everything,
Jackson.
l know, but it should be me.
l know you say that,
but you know what?
He didn't appreciate you
when he was alive,
and he's not around
to appreciate you now.
You're right, okay?
But l can't just sit back
and get these proceeds without-
Without making yourself
miserable in return?
Okay.
Really?
- Yeah.
- Really?
l'll come. l'll just hop on a plane.
Okay.
Plane to Pittsburgh.
Bye.
The MRl is fairly conclusive, Jayne.
That, in combination
with our clinical findings-
l wish l had better news.
lt's Binswanger's Disease.
Binswanger's Disease
is a fairly rare form of dementia.
There is no specific
course of treatment for it.
Okay.
How do we treat it?
Treatment is symptomatic, l'm afraid.
Okay.
Jayne, you need
to prepare yourself for the inevitable.
Life expectancy for patients
with this condition
is one year, two at most.
ln the meantime,
as his condition deteriorates,
expect to see...
...like a facial expression, seizures.
...cerebral vascular lesion-
...Die.
Two years.
Patients do die within two years,
but during that time, you can expect
periods of aggression or euphoria-
Euphoria?
Possibly, at times.
ls your sister still in town?
What the hell is this?
What's it sliced up like this for?
lt's teriyaki-style, Dad.
Teri- l don't want that.
- It's cut up. It's plain meat.
- Has that got sauce on it?
lt's just plain meat.
Right.
So?
Dementia. No cure.
Two years max.
How did Mommy ever put up with you?
Damn if l know.
Mallory's up in Heaven now.
She knew when to cut out.
Yep, that's right.
No woman could ever
measure up after her.
Right?
That's a very pretty theory.
What do you mean?
You know.
lt's very romantic.
lsn't it, Joe?
Well, it is. You two were,
like, total lovebirds, and then...
Well, it's just so obvious now
because the women
that you choose to be around
are, like, 360 degrees
in the other direction.
They're, like-
lt's 180.
What?
lt's 180.
But it's interesting because inadvertently,
you stumbled on-
Joe!
Yeah?
Joe Deacks. How you doing?
- Okay.
- Hi, girls. How are you?
Good.
lt's been a few years, huh?
These are my daughters.
l know.
Dad?
Come on, Dad.
lt's Mitch. He worked for you
for a long time.
Remember? He bought all your equipment.
Still runs good, too.
That's my boy Ray over there.
All right.
Well, come by and see me sometime.
You can visit the old tractor
and the backhoe
and help me give them a lube job.
All right. Sounds good.
Here, Joe. Why don't you-
You should eat now.
- Good to see you. Yes, sir.
- Okay.
See you, girls. Be good.
Bye, Mitch.
You did?
Well, you can show me
when l get back tomorrow night.
Will you have Daddy call me
as soon as he's done with his client?
- Auntie Jayne sends kisses.
- Hi.
Okay, baby.
Bye.
We need to deal with Joe.
He's fine. He's napping.
l mean long-term.
So-
Nursing home.
l can't do it. My plate's full.
What about me? What about my plate?
Well, that's an idea.
He could come live
with Jackson and me.
He's going to need
full-time nursing care.
Okay.
Well, then, by all means, he's all yours.
So we'll go through
Mommy's stum, finally.
lt's all yard sale junk anyway.
No, it's not.
Some of this is Americana.
Call it whatever the fuck you want.
Leave me some.
lt's her.
Shelly.
Hi.
l'm going to go see Joe.
He's resting.
Yeah, let's just let him sleep.
Yeah.
You can take om your coat
and stay a while.
Yeah. Take it om.
We haven't had a chance to chat and-
Would you like a beer?
l'll get it.
Can you believe her nerve?
At least somebody's
getting some use out of it.
You don't have a single sentimental
bone in your body.
Did you see her nails?
Hey, Shelly, why don't you
come on in and join us?
Tough day?
Yeah.
You've been at the hospital all this time?
Yeah.
Wow.
- That's some shift.
- Yeah.
Let's think about it. Let's see-
That's like, what, 20 hours?
So...
what hospital are you at?
Today?
Mount-
Sinai.
You work at dimerent ones?
You're kind of-
You know what it sounds like?
Like how Mommy used to do,
where she used to fill in
at schools. Bless you.
You know, at dimerent-
so how much schooling-
l think she hasn't really dealt with...
l'm going to kill you.
You don't at least feel sorry for him?
Why should l? He's had a long life,
and he's lived it
exactly as he's wanted to.
That's not really true.
Remember? He was going to have
this great singing career,
and then he had to give it up
when his voice changed.
He fucked the booker's wife.
That's why his career ended.
Sorry. l didn't realize
you still believed that old story.
How come l don't know this?
Because you don't want to.
He couldn't have been more than 14.
The chicken was in the oven
for over an hour,
so l'm pretty sure it's dead.
lt's delicious.
You won't be needing-
That's funny.
You know, my sister's
in medicine, too, sort of.
Did she tell you?
She works for the...
Foundation for Environmental Defense.
What do they have you doing over there?
l study and evaluate water quality.
She has to travel all over the world.
So you girls aren't stripping anymore?
Joe.
Dad, l mean- You have to tell
everyone our business?
That's nothing to be ashamed of.
- It was one summer.
- Yeah, for money.
Yeah, no shit.
Joe told me you married a rich guy.
Yeah. So?
What's he do?
His dad-
was a big, famous artist,
and he- he deals with that.
What-
What kind of art?
Right?
Contemporary.
lt's kind of hard to explain.
lt's- If you look at it-
lf you look at it,
you don't really understand it.
You have to know a lot
about other kinds of art
in order to...to get it.
Otherwise, it's just, like- it's-
You sure got the body
to marry a rich guy.
Thanks.
You make me sound like a gold digger.
What are you laughing at?
You, too. You got a rocking body.
How come you didn't?
Because she fell in love with a faggot.
He likes to call him that
because Laurent enjoys
cooking and gardening.
And because he waves
his hands around like a faggot.
But he's not.
Not at all.
He's a masseur.
Wow.
Well, it's good to have
all my girls around...
together.
l'm going to go to work.
Bye, baby.
Love you.
She's had two kids,
but she's still real tight.
Joe.
Can't even use this.
Hey, you forgot something.
You'll be needing that,
right? For work.
l'm a king bee
That's good.
Be my queen bee
Be my queen
Queen bee
Be my queen
l'm a king bee
And l'm buzzing around your hive
l'll put you back, baby
lf you let me come inside
Yeah.
Jackson's coming.
Here?
Yeah.
Good. Good for him.
Can buzz all night long
Oh, my God. We can't sell the house.
The buried treasure.
Please, you're killing me.
Why?
There is no treasure.
- Daddy-
- Stop.
Stop idealizing this man.
Daddy.
Daddy!
king...
You know the treasure?
The buried treasure?
Quiet, pumpkin.
Where did you bury it?
You know where.
But where? Exactly where?
What are you, the FBl?
lt's gold.
Some temple treasure.
How many times have you
seen this clunker?
Death, the eternal punishment...
for anyone who opens this casket.
ln the name of Amon-Ra,
the king of the gods.
Good heavens, what a terrible curse.
Well, let's see what's inside.
Wait. You'll break the curse.
We recognize your mastery
of the occult sciences, Miller...
So sad she never got to go there.
Anywhere.
Mallory. What a sweetie.
But she'd die of fright on an airplane.
l don't think so.
She talked a good game,
but she'd never go.
She had her little cowboy, didn't she?
Yeah.
Wear this around your neck.
Want me to turn the TV om
and go to bed?
No, l'll wait up for your mother.
Death, in the name of Amon-Ra,
the king of the gods.
$75, $175,,
$2,300.
Oh, Daddy.
Hello.
Oh, shit.
Oh, God. You scared
the shit out of me, girl.
lt's 4:30 in the morning.
You got a big problem with me,
don't you?
Yeah, you bet l do, girl.
You're using my father.
That's right. Yeah.
Well, it's not nice.
l like your father.
He is a total freak.
What are you after?
What do you think l'm after?
Money.
And a place to live.
Yeah.
Same as everyone else.
Only you're stealing it.
Here. Look. Right here.
Stop waving that in my face.
lt is a forged check, addressed-
written out to the order
of Shelly Poppy for $20.
Well, these others are for more.
Okay, great.
So l ask your father for money.
Yeah, and sometimes he gives it to me.
Yeah. Then sometimes he doesn't.
Well, this money belongs
to my husband and me,
and we don't like getting ripped om.
Tea?
Anyway, we're gonna take Joe away.
He's gonna come live with us.
Right.
Can l live here?
You've got balls, but no.
We have to sell the house.
Until you sell the house.
Where are your children?
With their father?
Foster care?
l don't have any children.
Wait. My daddy said that you...
l don't, either.
You got time, honey.
You have one anyway.
You're not really a nurse, are you?
You have a headache?
Yeah.
Give me your hand.
Breathe.
l'm afraid my husband's
Iosing his mind.
You better commit him.
Feel better?
Wait a second.
- What's going on?
- l'm dealing with Shelly. Go back to sleep.
- Oh, shit. Don't get her mad.
- Just go back to sleep.
l'm serious. Do what you want,
but wait till after l leave.
- She's a crackhead, Jayne.
- You don't know that.
Hey, miracle worker.
l don't know what you did,
but she's gone.
l just hope she doesn't come back
and try to burn the house down.
At least while l'm still here.
Good morning, pumpkin.
Do you know where she went?
Who?
Your girlfriend.
She went to work, l guess.
You know what l'd like?
You know what you haven't
made me for a long time?
Something that would go down
real easy this morning.
A big stack
of silver-dollar pancakes.
You gonna behave for Jayne
after l leave?
Oh, you bet. She's a hell of a cook.
You know, your sister over there-
she wants to put me
in an old people's warehouse.
- No, she doesn't, Daddy.
- Yeah, Jayne.
Yes, l do.
l actually think it's a fantastic idea,
but your darling here
is gonna take you back to live with her.
California?
Me and Jackson-
l'll never set foot in that state again,
so living there is out of the question.
Well, it's not safe for you
to live alone anymore.
Girls,
l've got my own private nurse.
Now, what the hell
you think that is, an accident?
She's not a nurse, Daddy.
Bullshit.
Anyway, she's gone. Didn't you see?
l see a woman who knows
a good thing when she gets it.
So why the hell should she leave?
Because besides being a fraud,
a crackhead,
and a check forger,
she's also a jewel thief.
She stole Mommy's opal pendant.
Who says l didn't give it to her?
l do.
Why?
For services rendered.
Why are you doing this, Joe?
l made that money with these hands.
l bought it,
and l give it to
your sweet, dear mother,
but she's gone.
And who says l can't give it to Shelly
or any other woman if l want to?
That was the one thing...
That was the one thing
that really meant something to me.
You're so...
Nothing means anything to you.
Don't. It's not even worth it.
l mean you, too!
Are you with us or against us?
This is all for you girls after l'm gone.
Against us.
This is really a waste of time.
lt's on! l got it! Hurry up.
lt's buzzing. Got the buzz.
Whack it.
- Watch out.
- Do it. Hoe it up.
- Harder. Whack it.
- l am-
Come on!
That's it. Deeper.
You know what?
Get on the floor and use your hands.
Use your hands!
lt's cold. Why am l the one
who's doing this?
Here. Here.
Fine. You be my guest.
Give it.
Dig. Dig away.
Dig, dig, dig.
Nothing.
lt's a pull tab.
Come here.
False alarm.
Okay. Go over there.
Move it.
Oh, wait. It's hot.
All right. It's... It's happening.
l've got a little buzz.
- Go back.
- A buzz.
Come on.
l've been enjoying beer
out here since 1974.
You're not giving up
so easy, are you?
Come on.
Unbelievable.
How are we gonna sell
the house now? Look at this mess.
Why don't you go make sure
Daddy's still asleep?
Don't tell me what to do.
Hey, hey, we got something
here! Hold on a sec!
What is it?
Just open the box.
Here.
Looks like a letter.
Mitch, you murderer!
You Judas!
No, Daddy. We found it.
You've been vindicated!
- Want me to read it?
- Laura Deacks, how does it feel-
- l'm gonna read this.
- ...to have been wrong all your life?
- ''This treasure is buried here-
- Little Miss Know-lt-All-
...to take care of my
daughters when l'm gone.''
- How does it feel? Whoo! Daddy!
- ''My two precious daughters.
''Death and eternal punishment
to anyone who open this casket.
ln the name of Amon-Ra,
king of the gods.''
Good one, Dad.
Open her up, kid.
Open her up, kid.
Open her up.
What?
- Oh, geez.
- It's empty, right?
ls it a lot?
Go ahead.
Joe!
Let's get going.
Joe, let's go.
l cannot miss this flight.
l'm not leaving this damn house!
l'm the one going, not you, Joe.
Why the hell do l have to go
to the goddamn airport?
Christ, do l have to call a cab?
Get...
in...
the car.
- l'm gonna need cab fare on the other end.
- My purse is on-
- l know where it is.
- You always do. Come on.
Anything interesting?
Arsenic levels.
l remember
when asbestos was a godsend.
Yeah, if you don't care
about people getting cancer.
Well, it's not bad
if you don't fuck with it.
Yeah, like it wasn't bad to smoke
around Mommy when she had cancer?
He quit.
After she died, yeah,
because he got scared
for his own precious life.
Gee, it must be a happy place
inside that brain of yours.
Remember when we were kids,
and l used to take you to the park
after school sometimes?
Yeah. l was just
thinking about that.
- About how nice that was.
- Eyes front.
So did you ever wonder why l did that?
You...
wanted to play with me.
- Right?
- No.
Why was l always waiting
outside the house?
You want to tell her, Joe?
Tell me what?
Why are you getting me all, like-
Mommy was at school, right?
- Sometimes till almost dinnertime.
- Okay.
- Okay, so think about it.
- l'm thinking about it.
- Did you ever wonder why it smelled-
- No, l never wondered anything.
...like strawberries
when we got back?
Why?
Obviously because he had
his lady friends there.
Not all of them were hookers.
Some were family friends.
What-
What's he talking about?
You've had your whores
in the house since-
l don't know. Since when, Joe?
Jayne. Jayne. Shit.
Are you kidding me? Jesus!
Jayne!
That's my girl!
That's a nice shortcut.
- Since when? You didn't answer the question.
- Just take it easy.
- l think you get the general idea now.
- Let it go! Stop controlling me!
Since when, Daddy?
Since the beginning?
Pretty much so.
You know what? l didn't mind
all these years protecting you.
But then l started to realize
that's like lying to her.
And l don't like being lied to.
And then l find this receipt.
A receipt for a pair of boots.
A single pair of boots. Blue boots.
Purchased in San Francisco
on the very day and at the very time
you were fogged in
in the Oakland Airport.
- And not for $500.
- Okay-
No. For $2,800.
$2,800 plus tax.
You know what? l've been cleaning up
your shit my whole life.
l have done everything right,
and you're a total fuck-up!
- So how come you get to be rich?
- Eyes front!
That's just a pulled muscle.
It'll smart for a few days.
Otherwise, you're fine.
We're releasing you.
Right now?
We're keeping your sister
and your father for observation
because Laura has
that bruising to her abdomen,
and Joe just because of his age.
But physically, let me tell you,
he's an ox.
But you can count on coming for them
at about this time.
That's 10 p.m. tomorrow evening.
What about my pain?
Ordinary Motrin should be sumicient
for your shoulder.
Can't we do a little
better than sumicient?
Must be on his way.
That's very impressive, Mr. Deacks,
but let's cover it up.
Hey, hey, hey.
Do you have a mate for this?
You know, we sure don't.
But you can have this one for a dime.
Oh, brother.
Leave the mattresses.
Everything else- go for it.
And...60 bucks
for that Oriental picture.
- It's nice.
- What about this here?
l don't know. What do you think? 50?
- l think so, too.
- l can't believe he's finally-
Well, that he's really moving out.
We're gonna take him home.
A nursing home.
- Really?
- Yeah. Watch your back.
lt's 75 bucks for the couch, guys.
That's including the laundry.
That's clean laundry, fellas.
- Not this.
- Yeah.
- Now, how about this?
- What about this here?
- Take it.
- Say again?
Take it. Take it. Take it.
Just take it all!
- Pardon me.
- That's fair.
- Can l have a look at your inventory?
- What? Oh, yes.
Please do. We've got lots of stum.
We're selling-
lt's Americana, that thing.
l already turned down
an omer of 100.
Yeah, it's very nice.
- How much you want for it?
- 175.
That's a bit steep.
l just didn't fall om the banana truck.
You're not from around here, are you?
- No, l'm just visiting.
- l have a feeling you know
a lot more about this kind of stum
than l do- antiques and such.
Well, l'm no expert on Americana.
You know, l like this little thing, too.
My mother collected all of this.
She had a pretty good eye,
don't you think?
Yes.
l'll tell you what. l'll give you
both the things for an even 2.
Hundred.
Fair enough.
This spinning wheel's
a collector's item.
You could sell this and make
a fortune in New York.
- Wouldn't that be neat?
- Yeah.
l like your boots.
Love the color.
Go away!
Go away!
- Sorry.
- Jackson?
- What? What's so funny?
- Get out.
No. It's me.
What are you doing here?
l'm supposed to fix your yard back.
Then go ahead. Fix it.
- l got to pee.
- Well, l'm taking a bath.
No problem. It's-
lt smells good in here.
Do you mind?
Here. l'll-
Get it. Got it?
That's about it.
You got any more?
l wish.
l thought you had to pee.
l can hold it.
That was pretty heavy back there,
with your dog and all.
- When did she die?
- Seven years ago.
Get out.
- Why?
- Mine, too.
Do you remember me?
Never mind. It's just-
The hospital.
Right.
Those were sad times.
You know what's weird?
Our mothers and our dogs
died at the same time.
Not- Not like all of them at the,
- you know, the same-
- l know what you mean.
Well, anyway,
l remember you.
Really?
Yeah.
Why?
Because.
Because why?
l'll see what's up.
Thank you.
You okay?
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, Mommy.
lt's fucking biblical out there.
So cold.
Oh, my God.
You need a ride home?
Not really.
So...
you want to hang out?
l- l don't have a TV anymore,
and there's not much food,
and...
What do they do?
Does it matter?
Not really.
Everything turns out for the best.
Well, that was stupid.
Oh, God. Thank God.
Oh, thank God.
Jesus.
- Thank you.
- Shut up, Ray.
Now get downstairs
and keep an eye on the old man.
- Where is this?
- l can't believe l OD'd.
l'm sorry.
- Fuckers!
- Joe!
l can't leave you alone
for a minute, can l?
Did Jackson go?
What do you think?
Do you know anything?
Where is my fucking guitar?
- What happened to all my-
- Shit.
Yard sale? A brainstorm.
God, yes, let's send it
all back where it came from.
So tell me.
Stop yelling at me!
How was it?
Wow. It was mind-blowing.
lt was incredible...
at first, but then-
l mean, like, shot
his load in ten seconds.
- l'm sorry?
- Because he's a young guy.
l mean, they reboot quick, but-
l'm talking about the drug.
We didn't have sex.
Oh, my-
Why did you let me go on
believing in that fairy tale?
Why do you think Laurent and l
had you move out near us
after you got married?
Easy access to our bank account?
No, not at all.
Maybe a little?
The thought of you and Jackson
raising a child really scared us,
if you want to know.
Then you'll be happy
to know that Jackson
doesn't even want to have a child.
He never did.
He's afraid he'll be like his father.
That he'll pass on his neuroses or...
What do l do?
l think...
the truth is out there to see...
if you really want to see it.
Like you and Laurent?
You two have an arrangement
or something, right?
Well...
He says...
He says he doesn't need
to sleep with men anymore.
l knew it.
l mean, you know, at least he's
always been honest about it.
But we'll see.
And l...
l can bend.
l don't know how far.
Not as far as Mommy.
And neither should you.
But l love Jackson.
Mommy loved Daddy.
Should she have stayed?
This way.
- Joe, stop it!
- Come on!
- What are you doing?
- Hey, stop it!
- You were supposed to be watching him!
- Really!
l swear, l was.
- Christ.
- He's doing really good.
- Watch it, watch it!
- Yes!
Stop it! Stop it!
- Dad, get down from there!
- Let's have another try at it.
Get back. Get back. Get back.
- Get om!
- Watch out. Don't get on there!
Hey, get down. Get down.
Get down there.
Joe!
He's finally tearing it down.
- Joe!
- Yo!
- It ain't funny!
- What isn't funny?
lt's for our girls!
Joe! Joe!
Mallory, please, step down, will you?
Please, sweetie.
Step down, dar- Thank you.
- Oh, my God! Joe!
- You get the hell out of there, too!
What is he- Jayne?
- Get out of there!
- Jayne!
Hold on.
Oh, Dad!
Get it, Joe!
You know,
online l found an excellent facility
- less than an hour from home.
- Yeah?
Now we got it.
Put it down.
lt costs a fortune,
- but l think you can amord it.
- l can amord it.
- Yes, l can.
- On the right.
Yeah. There you go.
What is that?
Yes!
- What is it, Dad?
- Sisters!
Joe, what have you got?
Those girls aren't safe.
Do something.
Mr. Deacks,
l've got your guitar over here.
Care to play us a tune?
What's he doing?
Oh, my God!
- Girls, look out!
- Look!
Be careful! Oh, my God!
He's not full of shit!
He's not!
Oh, girls!
Quarters!
He's crazy.
Joe, you are the man!
You think...
You think she
would've done anything
if she'd known about it?
All Joe's girls.
Maybe she would've left.
Gone to Japan.
She did know.
l refuse to believe that.
Maybe she didn't.
- It smells of her.
- Mommy?
No, Shelly.
You know, l might have felt
sorry for the woman
if she hadn't stolen Mommy's pendant.
l guess that's petty of me.
l'm a bad person.
No, you're not.
lt meant something to you, too.
Hi.
lt's nice.
lt is, isn't it?
l thought you were supposed
to be the crazy one.
Me, too.
You can come home.
- The doctors-
- l will.
ln time for-
What if he's like me?
He won't be.
l mean, he's gonna
be his own little person.
Don't cry.
l'm not.
These are just-
They're just happy tears.
How long till we move back home?
Very soon.
l'm gonna have my own room, right?
Yep.
- Me, too?
- Yep.
But shh, because your daddy's
trying to work.
Eli.
Yes. It's called ''Study for Entitled.''
Let's get you out of those.
l can't. l'm a married man.
Yes, l know. l'll try to control myself.
Let's go.
- That's hurting.
- That's it. Okay. Here we go.
Right in, right in, right in, right in.
Guess what. We're gonna have a room
made out of Grandpa's old quarters.
Well, not exactly, sweetie.
They're gonna be paid for
by Grandpa's quarters.
A lot of quarters.
Help your mother, Laura.
Help your mother with this, will you?
Daddy, she's perfectly capable.
l have all my ladies with me now.
- All my ladies.
- That's right.
Well, who's in here?
Your little sister.
Okay, then.
l'd like to make a toast to rebirth.
To a healthy baby.
- Thank you.
- To creation,
wherever it may come from.
Yes.
Cheers.
Here's to you.
lt's wonderful.
Got an anniversary coming up?
Christie's auction house in New York
might have just the thing.
A canister of tea for $100,000.
Dealer Kyle Winters is here to explain.
Kyle, thank you for joining us.
Karen, the pleasure is entirely mine.
Oh, my God.
The pineapple form of the tea caddy
was rumored to exist, but so far
no genuine examples
have actually surfaced.
But, Kyle, a hundred grand?
Minimum, l should think.
You know, l wasn't looking for this.
No, you know, l knew someday
l'd find something,
but l- l had no idea it would be this.
lt's funny.
Not till we find it,
whatever it is,
you don't know what it will look like.
l guess that's what
this box represents to me.
Can't put a price on that.
Fuck.
Yeah. We're fogged in.
Well, where are you?
Still at the airport, obviously.
Well, Laurent says it's sunny at home.
l don't know what to tell you, Laura.
l can come in tomorrow or the next day.
Absolutely not, Jayne.
l have been stuck out here for a week
taking care of him,
l've got to get back to San Francisco.
So you keep saying. Slower.
l'm sorry, Miss. We can't drive this slow.
We're going to get pulled over.
No. l don't care if you have to charter
a plane to Pittsburgh. You can amord it.
lt's there.
Some of us have to actually work
for a living.
Stop. Stop.
- What?
- Stop.
Stop pressuring me.
l'll be there, and when l get there,
l'm going to prove you wrong, okay?
- Get your ass here because l'm-
- The fog is lifting.
No! l-
Take a stroll.
Go on.
How do you love them?
l can't believe these are my legs.
Quite reasonable at 2,800.
So which do you prefer?
The black or the blue?
The boot on your right foot is blue-
nearly imperceptibly blue.
You can't stare at it, though.
You look, then look away.
So...who is it?
Who's the artist?
Milton Hofsteder.
l've heard of him.
l think l just read something about him.
An obituary.
Yeah.
Couple of months ago.
Have you been inside?
Would you buckle my shoe?
Jackson.
Here's the son.
Hey. Crazy timing, right?
But the work looks so powerful.
Your dad would have been happy, right?
Just wish he could have been here.
Just remember, l've got a great stam,
and you can hand it over to us
any time you want.
Don't go.
l'm Eli. l'm sorry, this is-
Mrs. Hofsteder?
Mrs. Hofsteder?
Mrs. Hofsteder?
Mrs. Hofsteder?
We're about to make our final descent.
Final descent?
We're about to land in Pittsburgh.
May l take this?
Take what?
Your cocMail.
l don't drink.
l'll just take it, then.
Do you mind
changing this station?
Thank you.
Could you change it again?
Could you change it again?
Laura?
Daddy?
Laura!
Laura!
Thanks a lot.
So don't pack 20 changes of clothes.
l packed your stum, too.
Your place was such a mess.
A sweater and a folder.
Well...
lf you have a couple of kids and no help-
Okay. Hi.
Good to see you.
New?
Yeah.
They're...they're boots.
Nice.
Yeah?
- They're blue.
- Black.
No, they're blue.
l guarantee you, they're black.
No, they're blue in the daylight.
You'll see.
What did you do to your face?
Nothing. But you look good.
No, l look like shit, and yes, you did.
l've only been gone for a week.
What could l have done in a week?
l really wouldn't know.
l'm not up on it.
l don't know what to tell you.
So where's Daddy?
Where's the patient?
Where's my folder?
lt's in the thing.
Daddy.
Sugar lip baby. How you doing?
- Good.
- Firm and trim,
but you can't lie still long enough
to get pregnant,
- can you?
- That's right.
So Laura says you're acting strange.
l'm just fine.
Well, you look fine. Told you.
Yeah.
What happened to your shirt, Joe?
l puked on it.
- Are you okay?
- Well, why not?
l got a house full of beautiful chicks
and a backyard full of gold.
What else can a man want?
Except maybe a little head now and then.
Oh, Daddy.
Aren't you a little too old for that?
You better ask my lady friend.
No, thank you.
We don't have to worry
about you, do we?
No.
That phone call last week
gave me a little scare.
You were a little confused.
l talked on the phone
to Laura last week, not you.
Yeah, but-
Seems to me you are the one
who's a little confused.
Joe, do you have to go to the bathroom?
She's got a thing
about my bowel movements.
Yeah.
l thought you were here to relieve me.
She says you're the one that's strange.
Poor Woofie.
l know. Couldn't survive without Mommy,
unlike some people.
So tell me about your new lady friend.
She's a mother fucker.
Can't wait to meet her.
Shelly's her name.
She's something else.
She's a nurse.
She sure is.
Go get him a shirt.
The pile on the couch is clean.
Hey-
You're Shelly.
l'm late for work.
Don't give me a hard time. Come on.
No.
Drink.
Just take it. Don't be a baby.
Blood pressure.
She's wearing Mommy's good coat.
Here's his meds for next week.
Phone numbers, what to do when,
where, et cetera, et cetera.
Why don't you dig up that treasure
and buy that nurse a new car?
Because l'm going to leave that
for you girls after l die.
All right, come on.
Joe!
Joe, l just asked you
if you had to go to the bathroom.
Oh, God. Take it out of here.
Oh, Daddy.
Come on. Let's go.
l asked you to get me diapers
after the last time.
Come on. Get a move on.
That means you, too.
Hold it, Omicer.
You got the wrong man.
Can you just be still?
Let's pull them down, all right?
You better get used to it
because l'm out of here
day after tomorrow.
You got the wrong man.
Yeah, very funny, Joe.
We got it the first time.
- Let's go to the park.
- Let's go play in the park.
l want to go inside and see Daddy.
Come on, this is your favorite ball.
You love to play with it.
He's inside the house.
No, come on. Let's go to the park.
Here, you can carry
the ball to the park.
Not with your hands, Jayne.
Are you crazy? That's disgusting.
What's wrong with you?
Here, look, just get me some liquid soap
from under the sink.
That's cold.
Jesus Christ.
Strawberry. Remember this smell?
Just get over here.
Do you want this to take all night?
Whoever used this shit?
l'm not talking to you.
Wow, wow, wow.
Damn it.
Damn it.
Damn it.
Damn it.
Damn it.
Damn it.
Oh, man.
- Eli, l don't know what l did with-
- It's me, Jackson.
Honey, where are you?
- At Daddy's.
- Already?
How is he?
How are you? How was the flight?
Yeah. The flight was good.
Sorry. So that's good.
lt's...
- Everything's great.
- Good.
l'm fine, except-
- It's the FedEx.
- So what? Jackson, listen to me.
lt's probably from MoMA.
lt doesn't matter. l'm fine.
l'm going to have to sign for it. Hold.
l'm fine, except l just scraped the shit
out of my father's ass-crack
with my bare hands!
Om!
Turn it om!
Okay.
What's with this Fort Knox lighting?
That and this fence.
lt's like...
''Attention, robbers.
Lest you pass this dump by,
let it be known there's
valuable stum in here.''
Well, he wants people to think
he's got something-
his buried treasure.
lt's so counter-
something.
l made a plate.
You didn't tell me he was shitting himself.
l wanted you to come.
Yum.
l'm so tired.
Just leave everything to me now.
lt's not just him.
lt's...
work and kids and no money.
You know, Jackson said-
We do have a little bit
of pride left, Jayne.
Well, at least Laurent does.
No, l quit.
l don't drink or smoke anymore.
Whoa. Really?
Exercise, diet, and no drugs.
Wow. Well, maybe that's going to help.
Help?
Oh, that. Yes.
Plus, l'm going to get my degree.
Good for you.
And l'm going to pry Jackson
away from his desk.
Yeah. Good luck.
And get pregnant.
How much?
They're 300.
And change.
On sale.
Why do you try to bullshit me?
Bastard.
He's got an appointment
with the neurologist in the morning.
Can you handle it?
Yeah. That's what l'm here for.
Right.
Wait.
What am l doing here?
Point.
Wait.
Come here.
Come here, grimy.
Are you still doing that?
Well, l can't tell the dimerence
if mine is open or closed or up, down.
You have to do it religiously,
every day, so...
With Laurent, l don't ever have to worry
about missing that crucial day.
Which l think is coming up for me.
Yeah? Why don't you
have Jackson come out?
He's too busy.
Not even just for, like,
a little quick wham-bam?
Take the next flight out.
l mean, he can amord it.
He's too busy.
That's your problem.
With Laurent,
l wouldn't have to ask twice.
You don't have to go, honey.
Yes, l do.
lt's the collectors.
Jackson!
- Legacy!
- Father!
Jackson.
Whoa!
Father.
Jackson!
Legacy!
Father.
Jackson!
Father!
Jackson!
l love you.
l would, but the retrospective-
Please. Just for a night or two.
l'll make it worth your while.
The gallery can handle everything,
Jackson.
l know, but it should be me.
l know you say that,
but you know what?
He didn't appreciate you
when he was alive,
and he's not around
to appreciate you now.
You're right, okay?
But l can't just sit back
and get these proceeds without-
Without making yourself
miserable in return?
Okay.
Really?
- Yeah.
- Really?
l'll come. l'll just hop on a plane.
Okay.
Plane to Pittsburgh.
Bye.
The MRl is fairly conclusive, Jayne.
That, in combination
with our clinical findings-
l wish l had better news.
lt's Binswanger's Disease.
Binswanger's Disease
is a fairly rare form of dementia.
There is no specific
course of treatment for it.
Okay.
How do we treat it?
Treatment is symptomatic, l'm afraid.
Okay.
Jayne, you need
to prepare yourself for the inevitable.
Life expectancy for patients
with this condition
is one year, two at most.
ln the meantime,
as his condition deteriorates,
expect to see...
...like a facial expression, seizures.
...cerebral vascular lesion-
...Die.
Two years.
Patients do die within two years,
but during that time, you can expect
periods of aggression or euphoria-
Euphoria?
Possibly, at times.
ls your sister still in town?
What the hell is this?
What's it sliced up like this for?
lt's teriyaki-style, Dad.
Teri- l don't want that.
- It's cut up. It's plain meat.
- Has that got sauce on it?
lt's just plain meat.
Right.
So?
Dementia. No cure.
Two years max.
How did Mommy ever put up with you?
Damn if l know.
Mallory's up in Heaven now.
She knew when to cut out.
Yep, that's right.
No woman could ever
measure up after her.
Right?
That's a very pretty theory.
What do you mean?
You know.
lt's very romantic.
lsn't it, Joe?
Well, it is. You two were,
like, total lovebirds, and then...
Well, it's just so obvious now
because the women
that you choose to be around
are, like, 360 degrees
in the other direction.
They're, like-
lt's 180.
What?
lt's 180.
But it's interesting because inadvertently,
you stumbled on-
Joe!
Yeah?
Joe Deacks. How you doing?
- Okay.
- Hi, girls. How are you?
Good.
lt's been a few years, huh?
These are my daughters.
l know.
Dad?
Come on, Dad.
lt's Mitch. He worked for you
for a long time.
Remember? He bought all your equipment.
Still runs good, too.
That's my boy Ray over there.
All right.
Well, come by and see me sometime.
You can visit the old tractor
and the backhoe
and help me give them a lube job.
All right. Sounds good.
Here, Joe. Why don't you-
You should eat now.
- Good to see you. Yes, sir.
- Okay.
See you, girls. Be good.
Bye, Mitch.
You did?
Well, you can show me
when l get back tomorrow night.
Will you have Daddy call me
as soon as he's done with his client?
- Auntie Jayne sends kisses.
- Hi.
Okay, baby.
Bye.
We need to deal with Joe.
He's fine. He's napping.
l mean long-term.
So-
Nursing home.
l can't do it. My plate's full.
What about me? What about my plate?
Well, that's an idea.
He could come live
with Jackson and me.
He's going to need
full-time nursing care.
Okay.
Well, then, by all means, he's all yours.
So we'll go through
Mommy's stum, finally.
lt's all yard sale junk anyway.
No, it's not.
Some of this is Americana.
Call it whatever the fuck you want.
Leave me some.
lt's her.
Shelly.
Hi.
l'm going to go see Joe.
He's resting.
Yeah, let's just let him sleep.
Yeah.
You can take om your coat
and stay a while.
Yeah. Take it om.
We haven't had a chance to chat and-
Would you like a beer?
l'll get it.
Can you believe her nerve?
At least somebody's
getting some use out of it.
You don't have a single sentimental
bone in your body.
Did you see her nails?
Hey, Shelly, why don't you
come on in and join us?
Tough day?
Yeah.
You've been at the hospital all this time?
Yeah.
Wow.
- That's some shift.
- Yeah.
Let's think about it. Let's see-
That's like, what, 20 hours?
So...
what hospital are you at?
Today?
Mount-
Sinai.
You work at dimerent ones?
You're kind of-
You know what it sounds like?
Like how Mommy used to do,
where she used to fill in
at schools. Bless you.
You know, at dimerent-
so how much schooling-
l think she hasn't really dealt with...
l'm going to kill you.
You don't at least feel sorry for him?
Why should l? He's had a long life,
and he's lived it
exactly as he's wanted to.
That's not really true.
Remember? He was going to have
this great singing career,
and then he had to give it up
when his voice changed.
He fucked the booker's wife.
That's why his career ended.
Sorry. l didn't realize
you still believed that old story.
How come l don't know this?
Because you don't want to.
He couldn't have been more than 14.
The chicken was in the oven
for over an hour,
so l'm pretty sure it's dead.
lt's delicious.
You won't be needing-
That's funny.
You know, my sister's
in medicine, too, sort of.
Did she tell you?
She works for the...
Foundation for Environmental Defense.
What do they have you doing over there?
l study and evaluate water quality.
She has to travel all over the world.
So you girls aren't stripping anymore?
Joe.
Dad, l mean- You have to tell
everyone our business?
That's nothing to be ashamed of.
- It was one summer.
- Yeah, for money.
Yeah, no shit.
Joe told me you married a rich guy.
Yeah. So?
What's he do?
His dad-
was a big, famous artist,
and he- he deals with that.
What-
What kind of art?
Right?
Contemporary.
lt's kind of hard to explain.
lt's- If you look at it-
lf you look at it,
you don't really understand it.
You have to know a lot
about other kinds of art
in order to...to get it.
Otherwise, it's just, like- it's-
You sure got the body
to marry a rich guy.
Thanks.
You make me sound like a gold digger.
What are you laughing at?
You, too. You got a rocking body.
How come you didn't?
Because she fell in love with a faggot.
He likes to call him that
because Laurent enjoys
cooking and gardening.
And because he waves
his hands around like a faggot.
But he's not.
Not at all.
He's a masseur.
Wow.
Well, it's good to have
all my girls around...
together.
l'm going to go to work.
Bye, baby.
Love you.
She's had two kids,
but she's still real tight.
Joe.
Can't even use this.
Hey, you forgot something.
You'll be needing that,
right? For work.
l'm a king bee
That's good.
Be my queen bee
Be my queen
Queen bee
Be my queen
l'm a king bee
And l'm buzzing around your hive
l'll put you back, baby
lf you let me come inside
Yeah.
Jackson's coming.
Here?
Yeah.
Good. Good for him.
Can buzz all night long
Oh, my God. We can't sell the house.
The buried treasure.
Please, you're killing me.
Why?
There is no treasure.
- Daddy-
- Stop.
Stop idealizing this man.
Daddy.
Daddy!
king...
You know the treasure?
The buried treasure?
Quiet, pumpkin.
Where did you bury it?
You know where.
But where? Exactly where?
What are you, the FBl?
lt's gold.
Some temple treasure.
How many times have you
seen this clunker?
Death, the eternal punishment...
for anyone who opens this casket.
ln the name of Amon-Ra,
the king of the gods.
Good heavens, what a terrible curse.
Well, let's see what's inside.
Wait. You'll break the curse.
We recognize your mastery
of the occult sciences, Miller...
So sad she never got to go there.
Anywhere.
Mallory. What a sweetie.
But she'd die of fright on an airplane.
l don't think so.
She talked a good game,
but she'd never go.
She had her little cowboy, didn't she?
Yeah.
Wear this around your neck.
Want me to turn the TV om
and go to bed?
No, l'll wait up for your mother.
Death, in the name of Amon-Ra,
the king of the gods.
$75, $175,,
$2,300.
Oh, Daddy.
Hello.
Oh, shit.
Oh, God. You scared
the shit out of me, girl.
lt's 4:30 in the morning.
You got a big problem with me,
don't you?
Yeah, you bet l do, girl.
You're using my father.
That's right. Yeah.
Well, it's not nice.
l like your father.
He is a total freak.
What are you after?
What do you think l'm after?
Money.
And a place to live.
Yeah.
Same as everyone else.
Only you're stealing it.
Here. Look. Right here.
Stop waving that in my face.
lt is a forged check, addressed-
written out to the order
of Shelly Poppy for $20.
Well, these others are for more.
Okay, great.
So l ask your father for money.
Yeah, and sometimes he gives it to me.
Yeah. Then sometimes he doesn't.
Well, this money belongs
to my husband and me,
and we don't like getting ripped om.
Tea?
Anyway, we're gonna take Joe away.
He's gonna come live with us.
Right.
Can l live here?
You've got balls, but no.
We have to sell the house.
Until you sell the house.
Where are your children?
With their father?
Foster care?
l don't have any children.
Wait. My daddy said that you...
l don't, either.
You got time, honey.
You have one anyway.
You're not really a nurse, are you?
You have a headache?
Yeah.
Give me your hand.
Breathe.
l'm afraid my husband's
Iosing his mind.
You better commit him.
Feel better?
Wait a second.
- What's going on?
- l'm dealing with Shelly. Go back to sleep.
- Oh, shit. Don't get her mad.
- Just go back to sleep.
l'm serious. Do what you want,
but wait till after l leave.
- She's a crackhead, Jayne.
- You don't know that.
Hey, miracle worker.
l don't know what you did,
but she's gone.
l just hope she doesn't come back
and try to burn the house down.
At least while l'm still here.
Good morning, pumpkin.
Do you know where she went?
Who?
Your girlfriend.
She went to work, l guess.
You know what l'd like?
You know what you haven't
made me for a long time?
Something that would go down
real easy this morning.
A big stack
of silver-dollar pancakes.
You gonna behave for Jayne
after l leave?
Oh, you bet. She's a hell of a cook.
You know, your sister over there-
she wants to put me
in an old people's warehouse.
- No, she doesn't, Daddy.
- Yeah, Jayne.
Yes, l do.
l actually think it's a fantastic idea,
but your darling here
is gonna take you back to live with her.
California?
Me and Jackson-
l'll never set foot in that state again,
so living there is out of the question.
Well, it's not safe for you
to live alone anymore.
Girls,
l've got my own private nurse.
Now, what the hell
you think that is, an accident?
She's not a nurse, Daddy.
Bullshit.
Anyway, she's gone. Didn't you see?
l see a woman who knows
a good thing when she gets it.
So why the hell should she leave?
Because besides being a fraud,
a crackhead,
and a check forger,
she's also a jewel thief.
She stole Mommy's opal pendant.
Who says l didn't give it to her?
l do.
Why?
For services rendered.
Why are you doing this, Joe?
l made that money with these hands.
l bought it,
and l give it to
your sweet, dear mother,
but she's gone.
And who says l can't give it to Shelly
or any other woman if l want to?
That was the one thing...
That was the one thing
that really meant something to me.
You're so...
Nothing means anything to you.
Don't. It's not even worth it.
l mean you, too!
Are you with us or against us?
This is all for you girls after l'm gone.
Against us.
This is really a waste of time.
lt's on! l got it! Hurry up.
lt's buzzing. Got the buzz.
Whack it.
- Watch out.
- Do it. Hoe it up.
- Harder. Whack it.
- l am-
Come on!
That's it. Deeper.
You know what?
Get on the floor and use your hands.
Use your hands!
lt's cold. Why am l the one
who's doing this?
Here. Here.
Fine. You be my guest.
Give it.
Dig. Dig away.
Dig, dig, dig.
Nothing.
lt's a pull tab.
Come here.
False alarm.
Okay. Go over there.
Move it.
Oh, wait. It's hot.
All right. It's... It's happening.
l've got a little buzz.
- Go back.
- A buzz.
Come on.
l've been enjoying beer
out here since 1974.
You're not giving up
so easy, are you?
Come on.
Unbelievable.
How are we gonna sell
the house now? Look at this mess.
Why don't you go make sure
Daddy's still asleep?
Don't tell me what to do.
Hey, hey, we got something
here! Hold on a sec!
What is it?
Just open the box.
Here.
Looks like a letter.
Mitch, you murderer!
You Judas!
No, Daddy. We found it.
You've been vindicated!
- Want me to read it?
- Laura Deacks, how does it feel-
- l'm gonna read this.
- ...to have been wrong all your life?
- ''This treasure is buried here-
- Little Miss Know-lt-All-
...to take care of my
daughters when l'm gone.''
- How does it feel? Whoo! Daddy!
- ''My two precious daughters.
''Death and eternal punishment
to anyone who open this casket.
ln the name of Amon-Ra,
king of the gods.''
Good one, Dad.
Open her up, kid.
Open her up, kid.
Open her up.
What?
- Oh, geez.
- It's empty, right?
ls it a lot?
Go ahead.
Joe!
Let's get going.
Joe, let's go.
l cannot miss this flight.
l'm not leaving this damn house!
l'm the one going, not you, Joe.
Why the hell do l have to go
to the goddamn airport?
Christ, do l have to call a cab?
Get...
in...
the car.
- l'm gonna need cab fare on the other end.
- My purse is on-
- l know where it is.
- You always do. Come on.
Anything interesting?
Arsenic levels.
l remember
when asbestos was a godsend.
Yeah, if you don't care
about people getting cancer.
Well, it's not bad
if you don't fuck with it.
Yeah, like it wasn't bad to smoke
around Mommy when she had cancer?
He quit.
After she died, yeah,
because he got scared
for his own precious life.
Gee, it must be a happy place
inside that brain of yours.
Remember when we were kids,
and l used to take you to the park
after school sometimes?
Yeah. l was just
thinking about that.
- About how nice that was.
- Eyes front.
So did you ever wonder why l did that?
You...
wanted to play with me.
- Right?
- No.
Why was l always waiting
outside the house?
You want to tell her, Joe?
Tell me what?
Why are you getting me all, like-
Mommy was at school, right?
- Sometimes till almost dinnertime.
- Okay.
- Okay, so think about it.
- l'm thinking about it.
- Did you ever wonder why it smelled-
- No, l never wondered anything.
...like strawberries
when we got back?
Why?
Obviously because he had
his lady friends there.
Not all of them were hookers.
Some were family friends.
What-
What's he talking about?
You've had your whores
in the house since-
l don't know. Since when, Joe?
Jayne. Jayne. Shit.
Are you kidding me? Jesus!
Jayne!
That's my girl!
That's a nice shortcut.
- Since when? You didn't answer the question.
- Just take it easy.
- l think you get the general idea now.
- Let it go! Stop controlling me!
Since when, Daddy?
Since the beginning?
Pretty much so.
You know what? l didn't mind
all these years protecting you.
But then l started to realize
that's like lying to her.
And l don't like being lied to.
And then l find this receipt.
A receipt for a pair of boots.
A single pair of boots. Blue boots.
Purchased in San Francisco
on the very day and at the very time
you were fogged in
in the Oakland Airport.
- And not for $500.
- Okay-
No. For $2,800.
$2,800 plus tax.
You know what? l've been cleaning up
your shit my whole life.
l have done everything right,
and you're a total fuck-up!
- So how come you get to be rich?
- Eyes front!
That's just a pulled muscle.
It'll smart for a few days.
Otherwise, you're fine.
We're releasing you.
Right now?
We're keeping your sister
and your father for observation
because Laura has
that bruising to her abdomen,
and Joe just because of his age.
But physically, let me tell you,
he's an ox.
But you can count on coming for them
at about this time.
That's 10 p.m. tomorrow evening.
What about my pain?
Ordinary Motrin should be sumicient
for your shoulder.
Can't we do a little
better than sumicient?
Must be on his way.
That's very impressive, Mr. Deacks,
but let's cover it up.
Hey, hey, hey.
Do you have a mate for this?
You know, we sure don't.
But you can have this one for a dime.
Oh, brother.
Leave the mattresses.
Everything else- go for it.
And...60 bucks
for that Oriental picture.
- It's nice.
- What about this here?
l don't know. What do you think? 50?
- l think so, too.
- l can't believe he's finally-
Well, that he's really moving out.
We're gonna take him home.
A nursing home.
- Really?
- Yeah. Watch your back.
lt's 75 bucks for the couch, guys.
That's including the laundry.
That's clean laundry, fellas.
- Not this.
- Yeah.
- Now, how about this?
- What about this here?
- Take it.
- Say again?
Take it. Take it. Take it.
Just take it all!
- Pardon me.
- That's fair.
- Can l have a look at your inventory?
- What? Oh, yes.
Please do. We've got lots of stum.
We're selling-
lt's Americana, that thing.
l already turned down
an omer of 100.
Yeah, it's very nice.
- How much you want for it?
- 175.
That's a bit steep.
l just didn't fall om the banana truck.
You're not from around here, are you?
- No, l'm just visiting.
- l have a feeling you know
a lot more about this kind of stum
than l do- antiques and such.
Well, l'm no expert on Americana.
You know, l like this little thing, too.
My mother collected all of this.
She had a pretty good eye,
don't you think?
Yes.
l'll tell you what. l'll give you
both the things for an even 2.
Hundred.
Fair enough.
This spinning wheel's
a collector's item.
You could sell this and make
a fortune in New York.
- Wouldn't that be neat?
- Yeah.
l like your boots.
Love the color.
Go away!
Go away!
- Sorry.
- Jackson?
- What? What's so funny?
- Get out.
No. It's me.
What are you doing here?
l'm supposed to fix your yard back.
Then go ahead. Fix it.
- l got to pee.
- Well, l'm taking a bath.
No problem. It's-
lt smells good in here.
Do you mind?
Here. l'll-
Get it. Got it?
That's about it.
You got any more?
l wish.
l thought you had to pee.
l can hold it.
That was pretty heavy back there,
with your dog and all.
- When did she die?
- Seven years ago.
Get out.
- Why?
- Mine, too.
Do you remember me?
Never mind. It's just-
The hospital.
Right.
Those were sad times.
You know what's weird?
Our mothers and our dogs
died at the same time.
Not- Not like all of them at the,
- you know, the same-
- l know what you mean.
Well, anyway,
l remember you.
Really?
Yeah.
Why?
Because.
Because why?
l'll see what's up.
Thank you.
You okay?
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, Mommy.
lt's fucking biblical out there.
So cold.
Oh, my God.
You need a ride home?
Not really.
So...
you want to hang out?
l- l don't have a TV anymore,
and there's not much food,
and...
What do they do?
Does it matter?
Not really.
Everything turns out for the best.
Well, that was stupid.
Oh, God. Thank God.
Oh, thank God.
Jesus.
- Thank you.
- Shut up, Ray.
Now get downstairs
and keep an eye on the old man.
- Where is this?
- l can't believe l OD'd.
l'm sorry.
- Fuckers!
- Joe!
l can't leave you alone
for a minute, can l?
Did Jackson go?
What do you think?
Do you know anything?
Where is my fucking guitar?
- What happened to all my-
- Shit.
Yard sale? A brainstorm.
God, yes, let's send it
all back where it came from.
So tell me.
Stop yelling at me!
How was it?
Wow. It was mind-blowing.
lt was incredible...
at first, but then-
l mean, like, shot
his load in ten seconds.
- l'm sorry?
- Because he's a young guy.
l mean, they reboot quick, but-
l'm talking about the drug.
We didn't have sex.
Oh, my-
Why did you let me go on
believing in that fairy tale?
Why do you think Laurent and l
had you move out near us
after you got married?
Easy access to our bank account?
No, not at all.
Maybe a little?
The thought of you and Jackson
raising a child really scared us,
if you want to know.
Then you'll be happy
to know that Jackson
doesn't even want to have a child.
He never did.
He's afraid he'll be like his father.
That he'll pass on his neuroses or...
What do l do?
l think...
the truth is out there to see...
if you really want to see it.
Like you and Laurent?
You two have an arrangement
or something, right?
Well...
He says...
He says he doesn't need
to sleep with men anymore.
l knew it.
l mean, you know, at least he's
always been honest about it.
But we'll see.
And l...
l can bend.
l don't know how far.
Not as far as Mommy.
And neither should you.
But l love Jackson.
Mommy loved Daddy.
Should she have stayed?
This way.
- Joe, stop it!
- Come on!
- What are you doing?
- Hey, stop it!
- You were supposed to be watching him!
- Really!
l swear, l was.
- Christ.
- He's doing really good.
- Watch it, watch it!
- Yes!
Stop it! Stop it!
- Dad, get down from there!
- Let's have another try at it.
Get back. Get back. Get back.
- Get om!
- Watch out. Don't get on there!
Hey, get down. Get down.
Get down there.
Joe!
He's finally tearing it down.
- Joe!
- Yo!
- It ain't funny!
- What isn't funny?
lt's for our girls!
Joe! Joe!
Mallory, please, step down, will you?
Please, sweetie.
Step down, dar- Thank you.
- Oh, my God! Joe!
- You get the hell out of there, too!
What is he- Jayne?
- Get out of there!
- Jayne!
Hold on.
Oh, Dad!
Get it, Joe!
You know,
online l found an excellent facility
- less than an hour from home.
- Yeah?
Now we got it.
Put it down.
lt costs a fortune,
- but l think you can amord it.
- l can amord it.
- Yes, l can.
- On the right.
Yeah. There you go.
What is that?
Yes!
- What is it, Dad?
- Sisters!
Joe, what have you got?
Those girls aren't safe.
Do something.
Mr. Deacks,
l've got your guitar over here.
Care to play us a tune?
What's he doing?
Oh, my God!
- Girls, look out!
- Look!
Be careful! Oh, my God!
He's not full of shit!
He's not!
Oh, girls!
Quarters!
He's crazy.
Joe, you are the man!
You think...
You think she
would've done anything
if she'd known about it?
All Joe's girls.
Maybe she would've left.
Gone to Japan.
She did know.
l refuse to believe that.
Maybe she didn't.
- It smells of her.
- Mommy?
No, Shelly.
You know, l might have felt
sorry for the woman
if she hadn't stolen Mommy's pendant.
l guess that's petty of me.
l'm a bad person.
No, you're not.
lt meant something to you, too.
Hi.
lt's nice.
lt is, isn't it?
l thought you were supposed
to be the crazy one.
Me, too.
You can come home.
- The doctors-
- l will.
ln time for-
What if he's like me?
He won't be.
l mean, he's gonna
be his own little person.
Don't cry.
l'm not.
These are just-
They're just happy tears.
How long till we move back home?
Very soon.
l'm gonna have my own room, right?
Yep.
- Me, too?
- Yep.
But shh, because your daddy's
trying to work.
Eli.
Yes. It's called ''Study for Entitled.''
Let's get you out of those.
l can't. l'm a married man.
Yes, l know. l'll try to control myself.
Let's go.
- That's hurting.
- That's it. Okay. Here we go.
Right in, right in, right in, right in.
Guess what. We're gonna have a room
made out of Grandpa's old quarters.
Well, not exactly, sweetie.
They're gonna be paid for
by Grandpa's quarters.
A lot of quarters.
Help your mother, Laura.
Help your mother with this, will you?
Daddy, she's perfectly capable.
l have all my ladies with me now.
- All my ladies.
- That's right.
Well, who's in here?
Your little sister.
Okay, then.
l'd like to make a toast to rebirth.
To a healthy baby.
- Thank you.
- To creation,
wherever it may come from.
Yes.
Cheers.
Here's to you.
lt's wonderful.
Got an anniversary coming up?
Christie's auction house in New York
might have just the thing.
A canister of tea for $100,000.
Dealer Kyle Winters is here to explain.
Kyle, thank you for joining us.
Karen, the pleasure is entirely mine.
Oh, my God.
The pineapple form of the tea caddy
was rumored to exist, but so far
no genuine examples
have actually surfaced.
But, Kyle, a hundred grand?
Minimum, l should think.
You know, l wasn't looking for this.
No, you know, l knew someday
l'd find something,
but l- l had no idea it would be this.
lt's funny.
Not till we find it,
whatever it is,
you don't know what it will look like.
l guess that's what
this box represents to me.
Can't put a price on that.