Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987) Movie Script
You should get in,
Rowdy, the water is great.
Are you kidding?
I've got better things to
do with my body temperature.
Thanks.
I'm gonna miss you, Rowdy Abilene.
You don't have to go back to Molokai.
I can request you for
my staff in Honolulu.
The agency wants me on Molokai.
Drug enforcement is no
job for a girl like you.
Right.
Stay here and play.
You Tarzan, me Jane.
You can't blame me for trying.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Yeah, well try this.
Hey, Bobby, we don't need that.
Put them away.
But, Henry, why don't we need the gun?
This land belongs to Daioo family.
They've been growing weed
on this part of the island
for three generations.
Once a year I come down, I tell them,
"Hey, take it easy, brah."
Then I hit 'em with a small fine.
Off I go.
But they still grow the stuff, though?
Oh, yeah, no hurt nobody.
It will make work for the locals.
The locals spend their money in town.
Everybody make out.
Me, I get one small
package for my trouble.
You know, I pass 'em around.
Remember now, in one
month I'm gonna retire,
so you're gonna be number one,
so better learn this routine.
Okay, Bobby?
Okay, Henry.
Damn.
I though it is a small family operation.
Don't look right.
Look all those workers.
This look like an assembly line.
There's a guy with a machine gun.
Something's wrong.
Back to the boat.
Get back to the boat!
Henry!
Don't shoot!
Let us down.
Take it easy, brah!
That's it.
Good job!
Run these two guys and their
boat through the shredder
and feed them to the fish.
Let's go, come on.
Come on, people, let's go.
You can do better than that.
Derek!
Hurry up, please.
What a career.
Hey, what's happening?
Hello, Bill.
See what you can do over here, please.
These guys are just
waiting for their lunch break.
Lunch?
You've just come off a coffee break.
That's good.
Help me, this baby is heavy.
Shew, yeah.
God, these early morning
hours are killing me.
Drug enforcement agents
can't afford to get soft.
I'm supposed to be soft, I'm a woman.
If it wasn't for this
arrangement, you'd be a dead woman.
At least when I testified
against the mob in Vegas,
they threatened to kill me quickly.
You're taking your time.
Look, Taryn, you didn't
make such a bad deal
with our witness protection program.
Well,
at least I'm in the islands.
Hey, Donna.
When the Feds told me
I could come to Hawaii
and live and help you keep your cover,
it sounded like paradise
but you never let up.
The agency expects us
to keep fit at all times.
But I'm still just a civilian.
It doesn't mean you can't be buff.
Ow!
That's good.
Hey, guys, we're gonna go get some coffee.
Fix up the next load, okay?
All right, later.
Oh, this is a nasty-looking snake.
- Heavytoo.
- Come on.
- Hi, Dickson!
- Hi, Dickson.
Hey, hey, hey.
You all set for the Molokai run?
You sure are.
You got one set of honeymooners
booked to Halawa Valley
and one snake.
A snake?
Dickson, I don't like snakes.
Besides, there's never
been a snake on the island.
Well there is now.
Actually, it's just for display
at the Molokai Ranch Wildlife Park.
Oh, make sure they get this book
on the care and feeding of it.
Will do.
Thanks, Dickson, we'll see you soon.
- Bye, sweetie.
- Have fun.
- Hey, guys.
- Howdy.
Hey there.
You are going to love this.
This place is so romantic.
It's beautiful.
You guys, it's gorgeous.
Let's hit it.
You know, Donna, I just figured
out a cure for my boredom.
I'll pretend I'm in a James Bond movie.
You've got a
great imagination, Taryn.
Well, I do have a whole
new identity to develop.
And a lot to forget.
Yeah?
And out of all the actors
who played James Bond,
who do you like best?
I'd give them all equal time.
We're all set in here, guys.
Let us know when you're clear.
Okay, Taryn, we're ready for clearance.
This is Cessna Molokai
Cargo November niner-niner,
786 requesting clearance
on runway five left.
Roger, Molokai
Cargo, clear for takeoff.
Speaking through the ages
It takes the breath away
Falling waters laughing
Your thoughts escape
This tropic island dreamland
And the sights that you can see
Good and evil struggle their destiny
It's a hard ticket to Hawaii
It's not paradise all the time
It's a hard ticket to Hawaii
Lush green mountains tower
Like heaven palaces
The breeze that sings so softly
Inside of them
Once the song is shattered
The bullets fly instead
As danger takes control
Condition red
It's a hard ticket to Hawaii
It's not paradise all the time
It's a hard ticket to Hawaii
Although it's like a dream
It's not what it seems
It's a hard ticket to Hawaii
It's not paradise all the time
It's a hard ticket to Hawaii
Damn it, this is the
snake for the wildlife park.
Bruce, Derek?
You guys loaded a crate with a snake in it
marked "contaminated" on
the Molokai Cargo plane?
No we didn't, boss.
We loaded a box that
just said "live snake."
- "Live snake?"
- Yeah.
What's the matter with you guys?
Has something baked your brains?
Now I gotta get on the radio
and get that plane back here.
That snake they have is dangerous.
It's contaminated!
Live snake.
Bruce, give me a hand.
Okay guys, here we go.
It's a little bit of a hike
but I think you'll enjoy it.
Yeah, this is great.
It's one of the prettiest
campsites in the whole world.
You know, the travel agency told us
that we were gonna be all alone.
We are gonna be all alone, aren't we?
Sure you are.
Great!
We just love nature at its purest.
Honolulu calling
November niner-niner, 786.
Do you read me? Come in, please.
Come on, girls, be there.
That snake you got is a killer.
Honolulu calling November
niner-niner, 786.
Do you read me?
Come in, please.
This is Honolulu calling
November niner-niner, 786.
Do you read me?
Come in, please.
Come in, please.
Wow, this is terrific.
We really appreciate you
guys bringing us out here.
No problem.
We'll be back to pick you
up tomorrow in our jeep.
Our home base is just over the hill.
Okay, great.
Hey, thanks a lot.
We'll see you guys tomorrow.
Have a good time, guys.
Bye bye.
You guys have fun.
Isn't it gorgeous out here, babe?
This always makes me nervous, Mr. Chang.
I'd almost rather try to
get him through customs.
The way they watch us?
No way.
This has always worked.
We don't have to worry about
customs or the Coast Guard.
And the boys are paid,
nice and clean.
Yes, sir.
What is that?
It's coming right at us.
Look out!
Get out of the way!
Damn, it's landing right here!
Who could be flying that thing?
This is no kid's toy.
It's an expensive remote control model.
Look, the doors open!
Now what do you suppose?
Freeze!
Hold it!
Let's go!
Let's get out of here!
Come on, Donna, hurry up!
Who were those broads?
Don't let them get away!
Don't let them get away!
Damn them, there they go!
We gotta get the stuff
out of the chopper, man.
Oh man, it's gone!
They took the boxes!
Damn!
What are we gonna do?
I dread facing Seth empty-handed.
Yeah.
Taryn, we need to figure
out what just happened.
Let's unload and hit the Jacuzzi.
I do my best thinking there.
Right, I'll get the dolly.
Oh, this thing weighs a ton.
Yeah, this is heavy all right.
Gosh!
Heavy.
Really.
Well, here's the care
and feeding manual.
Huh.
"All snakes eat meet.
"They swallow animals whole,
"often larger than themselves.
"Many snakes simply grab their victims
"and swallow them alive."
Ugh.
"Others kill their prey first.
"Some snakes eat only
once every few weeks."
Well, I sure hope this one is not hungry.
Really.
After we put away the crate,
let's see what's in the box we found.
Let's put this baby in the hanger.
Boy, I tell you, after a day like today,
there's no place like home.
No doubt.
Oh, Charlotte, baby,
where have you been?
I haven't seen you for awhile.
I'm just a working girl.
This joint's too expensive for me.
Hey, you can eat in my joint anytime.
For free.
That makes me want to
turn into a vegetarian.
Excuse me, Ashley,
but don't you need to
check on some reservations?
I'll seat Charlotte for you.
Right, Edy.
Oh, Charlotte!
Catch you later, baby.
There you are, and enjoy your lunch.
Charlotte, Charlotte, thank
goodness you decided to come.
Charlotte, I'm not just some fast-talking
New York television director.
I care for you great
deal, trust me, Charlotte.
You practically raped me last night.
That was last night,
Charlotte, this is today.
I care for you, Charlotte,
I care for your mind.
I don't care about your body anymore.
I'm not into that.
May I help you?
I'll have a pair of coffee.
Hello, Mr. Romero, is
everything satisfactory?
Superb, as usual, Edy.
Thank you.
Hey, excuse me a moment.
Of course.
What are you two doing here?
Now calm down, Mr. Romero,
we've got some bad news.
Yeah, boss, somebody
beat us to the stuff.
They got away.
Looks like they almost killed you!
Who were they?!
It was a couple broads.
Broads?
You dummies.
They got away on that cargo plane.
Yeah.
Uh huh.
Molokai Cargo.
Yeah.
If brains were bird shit
you'd have a clean cage.
I'll get someone else to handle them.
Get out of here.
Come here.
I have a job for you.
Here you go, Donna,
let's see what's in here.
Diamonds!
These must be worth a fortune.
No wonder they tried to kill us.
We are in big trouble.
You think they know who we are?
How many women fly around
Molokai in a cargo plane?
One, Kemosabe. I'm getting out of here.
Where do you think you're going
where there is not a
contract out on your life?
So what are we gonna do?
First step's to report to Rowdy.
Yeah.
And we need to call the park
and have them pick up that snake.
Let's go.
Come on, turn those hands, come on.
Turn 'em.
Good, okay, cover up.
Come on.
Whoa.
Okay, good.
Good work.
Jade,
you see these hands?
These hands are lethal weapons.
Oh really?
Confucius say, "Man with deadly
hands must be very careful
"while slapping on aftershave."
Heads up, Jade,
sushi man's on his way.
Hope he's got good news today.
Here's your lunch, Rowdy.
Cute, the way the agency
sends us these things.
Too bad they couldn't wrap it
in a spring roll or something.
I'm really hungry.
We've got trouble in paradise, amigo.
I don't believe it.
You have another spy movie poster?
And in German, yet?
Yeah, it's a real killer, isn't it?
Taryn, you have a
"Malibu Express" poster
hanging over your bed.
The store threw it in for free.
I thought you'd get a kick out of it.
We don't hear much from Cody anymore
since he left the agency
to become an actor.
Well, he and Rowdy are cousins, right?
Yeah.
They're both adorable but just
a little bit flaky, you know?
So tell me the truth,
Donna, about Rowdy.
How's his stuff?
Great.
He's got four inches.
Four inches?
That's not so hot.
Yet it is.
I'm measuring from the ground up.
I'm gonna put these in the freezer.
After all, it is ice, isn't it?
Taryn, let's get out of here!
Taryn?
Taryn?
Who are you?
Let go of me!
Now,
where are the diamonds?
What diamonds?
You know damn well what diamonds.
Don't get smart with me.
Now, where are they?
They're in the hangar.
Let's go.
They're out here!
They better be, ma'am.
Where are the diamonds?
I ain't telling you.
Where are they?!
Ow! Ow!
The diamonds ain't in here!
Stupid bitch!
Where are they?
In the freezer.
Get'em!
You better not be lying.
Take 'em out.
Now!
Hold it!
She's got the diamonds!
There's only one box!
If you wanna live, you better come up
with the other box, now.
You won't kill us.
We're the only ones who
know where the diamonds are.
You tell us or you'll wish you were dead
for release.
Oh my God!
Snake!
Go away! Go away!
It's Seth, let's go!
He's in trouble.
We'll be back.
Get that other box!
It ain't over yet!
Come on, let's go!
Over there!
Come on!
Go ahead, I'm okay.
What are you doing?!
Those bastards!
Donna!
Where'd they go?
There they are!
I can't believe what I just saw!
Let's go!
Let's get out of here!
You son of a bitch!
Seth's been shot, move it!
I really lost it, didn't I?
No, you were great!
Let's check out the hanger.
The snake is gone!
Where is it?!
Oh no.
Damn it, and I have
managed to blow a hole
in one of the meanest faces
that ever hit these islands.
Yeah, I know, it's still out of order.
Keep trying, it's a
matter of life and death.
Thanks.
This is Honolulu calling
November niner-niner, 786.
Do you read me?
Come in, please.
This is Honolulu calling
November niner-niner, 786.
Do you read me?
Come in, please.
This is November niner-niner, 786, over.
Donna, this Dickson.
I want you to listen carefully
to everything I have to say.
We had a snake delivered here
for the Department of Health.
Now, that snake has been
infected by deadly toxins
from cancer infested rats.
It's a very dangerous snake.
It will kill anybody it
comes in contact with.
Are you still there, Donna?
Yeah, yeah, Dickson.
All right, now my
loaders' made a mistake.
You have the wrong snake.
You hear me? The wrong snake!
No we don't.
Don't tell me, I'm telling you!
That snake, don't do
anything, don't get near it!
Dickson, we don't have the snake.
It got loose!
Be careful!
I'll get back to you!
Donna, let's get out of here.
That thing could be anywhere.
Let's get back
to the house and secure it.
This is an emergency, give
me the Department of Health!
Donna, your dad's picture
got broken in the fight.
My father was the best agent
this government ever had.
You really miss him, don't you?
Yeah.
He died saving my life.
You know, when I make
mistakes like I did tonight,
I feel like I'm betraying him.
Donna, your dad would be proud of you.
You hit that creep in
the face with one shot.
Not bad.
Of course, James Bond
would have shot all three.
But, hey, who's counting?
Right.
Then he'd casually stroll
in here and jump our bones.
Yup, me first, of course.
Pals.
Let's go to Edy's and call Rowdy.
Okay.
Have a great meal.
Mmmm, mmmm, look at you two.
Every shot, a post card.
I'm gonna give you the
best seat in the house.
Oh, and where's that?
You can sit right here, on my face.
Why?
Is your nose bigger than your dick?
Ashley, you know we love you.
Where's Edy?
She's in her private
booth in the corner.
Thanks.
Hi, Edy.
Hi, how have you been?
Not so hot.
Can I get a white wine, please?
Same for me, Patty.
I'd like a martini vodka, medium dry,
lemon peel, shaken, not stirred.
Yeah, yeah, ladies, like
I didn't already know.
Edy, we've gotta talking.
No one can hear us here.
Have you heard
anything about diamonds
in connection with Seth Romero?
Donna, the agency only
uses me as a contact.
There's really very little
that they tell me directly.
I just shot Seth Romero in the face.
I shoulda killed him.
You may wish you had,
'cause the best you can
hope for now is crutches.
We've got to reach Rowdy.
Desperately.
Let's go to my office.
Hey, buddy, what's happening?
Hey, Jimmy John Jackson,
Southern Cable Sports Network.
Here for the pro football meetings
and I'll be calling them as I see 'em.
You guys are ballplayers
from Seattle, right?
Pattycakes, tall glass
of water, plenty of ice.
Hey, darling.
Now you see this two, they're multis'.
Now the key here is to make sure you get
the vitamin A and B day-come.
Now, they're water
soluble, easily depleted.
This little brown capsule,
here, that's vitamin E.
Combats aging, builds endurance
and helps keep the old
wazoo healing hearty.
I take 800 units of those a day.
Now these little guys.
These are less.
These guys get into this capillaries
and scrub those walls clean.
With clean blood, my brain works better.
Now B-complex, ties the
whole scenario together
and eliminates stress.
And the alfalfa tab,
king hail the toxiferous.
But my favorite by far, vitamin C.
Can never take too much of that.
Take 10 grams a day, as
I do, and your kidneys
will cranked out that iridescent
green and yellow urine
and win you respect in
every restroom in the world.
Man, I sure love soul food.
Right on, bro.
Diamonds stolen.
Seth shot.
Been a hell of a day.
I got a word that Seth's hitters
took out two Molokai policeman.
Poor guy didn't even know what hit them.
They had stumbled on a
full-fledged drug operation
on the IU property.
Seth is definitely playing
hardball in your backyard.
Taryn and I are a living proof of that.
You're also our proof that
Seth is directly involved.
Listen, I want both of you
to stay with Edy tonight.
We'll be on the first
flight in the morning.
Donna,
I want you and Taryn to go out
to Seth's beach house tomorrow morning
and have a look around.
Diamonds or no diamonds,
you're sure to be on his hit list now.
Edy, I want you to stay at the restaurant,
business as usual.
I don't want Seth to suspect
we've got his number.
Oh yeah, and by the way,
we will bring our trunk of toys.
Hey, Edy,
speaking of toys,
I can't wait to see yours.
What a stud.
Bye, girls.
Bye bye.
How does it look?
She just grazed you.
She took a chunk out.
A little plastic surgery,
you'll be all right.
Seth, you've gotta see a doctor.
No.
Hello.
Yeah, hold on.
It's Michelle at the bar.
Message.
Let me take a message, Michelle.
Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
Got it.
Now then, Charlotte.
Excuse me,
I'll be back in a minute.
Well, at least we've
got couple of ball players
we can interview tomorrow.
Taryn,
isn't that sportscaster,
Jimmy John Jackson,
a special friend of yours?
Yes, as a matter of
fact, he's a first civilian
that I met after I got my new identity.
Said he was gonna call
me when he got into town
but our phone's not working.
Hey, Whitey!
I believe you've met these two.
And the beautiful young lady
that brought them here tonight.
Here's your coffee, Whitey.
Hey, Whitey, you go down on her,
you gonna be kissing the back of my head,
cause I'm already gonna be there.
I think you know what I mean.
Yeah, really.
Oh Whitey,
that would make hell of
a sports segment for me.
I'll give you all the sports
segments you can handle.
Taryn.
- Hi, Whitey.
- Hey, baby.
Ordinarily, I'm not this easy.
I was about to say the same thing.
You're too much, Jimmy John.
I'm not really Jimmy John,
I'm really a British secret agent.
I thought so, you give
great secret service.
All in the line of duty.
Tea and crumpets in like that.
Oh.
Yes?
What are you doing?
I'm pretending to be a mere receptacle
for Jimmy John's desires.
Come on back,
you've been there all night
and we have work to do.
I'll be there.
There's the car Edy left for us.
I think I'm anxious to see Edy.
That figures.
She's awfully fine.
Nothing like my first wife.
My first wife used to
mow the lawn stark naked.
What'd your neighbors say?
They said I married her for money.
Did you?
Hang on, Rowdy, we got
some nutcase in front of us.
Man, he must be
smoking some heavy doobies.
Come on!
Move it, Earring!
They're just up ahead!
You got it, brah!
I think they're gone now.
Yep.
Here's the gun, Skater.
Blow them away!
No problem, baby.
Look out, he's got a gun!
Jade, how bad you hit?
I've been better but I'll live.
Let's get that turkey!
The bazooka, Rowdy?
It's the only gun I can
hit a moving target with.
Good hunting weapon, huh?
Let's get into town and get you patched up
and then we'll go over to Edy's.
You hurting?
I caught some shrapnel.
I'm not as bad off as this jeep.
I can't believe that shootout.
I wonder what happened to the skateboard.
I don't know.
I think I let it get away.
Come on, Jamie, would you smile?
There's nobody out here, come on.
You look great, baby.
Turns sideways, Jamie.
Wait a minute, I wanna get those mountains
in the back of the picture, okay baby?
Show off.
Oh, that's wonderful.
Hey, how'd it feel?
What happened?
Some bad news and some good news.
Bad news is doctor says I'm
gonna be sore for a while.
What's the good news?
Good news is there is a
great looking nurse in there
and she was extremely helpful.
How helpful?
Well, she kept me in stitches.
I'm gonna make a phone call.
How long you been on the island?
About five years now.
Excuse me, what would you like?
A local beer, please.
Hello.
Edy, it's for you, darling.
A man named Rowdy.
He's on your private line.
Excuse me.
Where are you?
I thought you'd be here by now.
I've got some good news
and I've got some bad news.
We're at the hospital.
What happened?
We're okay and that's the good news.
Bad news is, the car died
a couple of blocks away.
I must say, the greeting party lacked
a little of the old aloha spirit.
Stay where you are,
I'll come pick you up.
I'm leaving for awhile.
Have Ashley look after
things when he gets here.
Hello, Rosie?
You and Kimo come and pick
me up in five minutes.
Michelle, look at you.
You're missing a shape.
You've got to exercise every day
to keep these little puppies firm.
Yes, I know.
A healthy body and
mind are very important.
I see you're halfway there.
Thanks.
Keep firm, Michelle.
Good breasts are a great asset.
Well, thanks, honey.
I needed that.
There he is.
Come on, Michael!
She's on her way to the hospital.
Take the back road and cut her off.
Hit it, Kimo.
Get her and let's go!
Grab her, hold her!
What're you trying to do?!
I got the bitch, let's go!
Grab her legs!
That guard over there
is wearing a walkie-talkie
as well as the gun.
Can probably call in an army.
They take their
throwing pretty seriously.
Let me see your camera,
I wanna get a better look at the house.
Look, Donna,
that chopper's landing in Seth's yard.
How do you zoom this camera
in to make the shot tighter?
Push this red button, right here.
Okay.
Let go of me!
Finally, my orders are obeyed!
Thank you, my man.
They've got Edy!
I understand you've
been sticking your nose
in my business.
I don't know what
you've been talking about!
I have plans for you.
Take her in the house!
You know, that guy on the
left sure looks familiar.
We better find a phone and
get Rowdy and Jade, fast.
Where the hell is Edy?
Should've been here by now.
Maybe she got held up.
I'm getting worried.
You getting worried?
I'm getting worried.
Let's just hitch a ride.
Let's do it.
Hey, maybe they've got a phone!
I hope so.
Here's a dime
for your phone call, Donna.
A dime, Taryn?
Yeah, let's go.
Let me handle them.
Like my favorite British spy,
I happen to be fluent in
many foreign languages.
I can communicate with people
from all walks of life.
Yeah.
Ashley, it's Donna.
Is Rowdy there?
How about Jade?
Damn.
When they show up, tell them
to come out to our place.
It's urgent.
No, no, they can't call,
our phone's not working.
That bartender, Michelle,
isn't there, is she?
I thought not, thanks Ashley.
The guy at Seth's house
is the bartender at Edy's.
I recognized this
cigarette in his left hand
and his pinkie ring.
He was put there to spy on Edy.
So the girl is a guy,
and the guy is a plant.
You're catching on.
That's why Edy's surveillance
of Seth wasn't working.
Michelle has been tipping him off.
Oh.
We've gotta get back to
pick up the honeymooners.
I'm really worried about Edy.
Yeah, so am I.
I don't believe it!
That's Jamie.
Oh, Taryn.
She's all torn up!
Where's Joey, we've gotta find him!
Joey?!
Taryn! Taryn!
I don't believe it!
What happened?!
It's Joey, he's dead!
I can't believe this has happened.
What is this?
It's a camera.
Look, this was stuck inside.
Look, it's developing.
The snake!
I thought Dickson sent someone
to pick up that damn thing!
Where do you think it is?
I don't know, Donna,
but let's get out of here.
You're right, there's nothing we can do.
Three, two,
one.
This is Jimmy John Jackson
of Southern Cable Sports Network,
we're here in Molokai, Hawaii,
for the pro football meetings
and we're at Edy's outpost with of a lot
of football celebrities.
With us today is Don
Merryman, to talk to us about
his years as quarterback
with the Dallas Steers
and seated next to him
is favorite receiver,
Billy "Blueshoes" Marvis.
Don, the question I've
always wanted to ask you
is about the touchdown pass you threw
to Billy Blueshoes, here, last year.
Now it looked to me like
a double post pattern
with a pick on the outside line backer,
a flare across the middle
with your split end
and a play action that gave you time
to throw that ball 60 yards in the air.
Now, time running out, no more timeouts
and all that pressure,
what was it that you told
those guys in that huddle?
How did you call the play?
Well, Jimmy John, all I said was,
"Niggers, go deep,
"and white guys, keep 'em
out if you can on two."
Jimmy, the motherfucker is
crazy but he sure can throw.
That's it from here, Molokai, Hawaii.
Back to you, Howard.
Great broadcast.
A career high, Jimmy John!
Your future is behind you, baby.
Hey, can't win 'em all.
Hey, beautiful, high-five!
Take care of yourself.
I don't believe it Jimmy John.
I don't believe it, our career is over.
You should catch that broadcast.
That Jimmy John is a real card, huh?
What are these guys drinking?
They were supposed to
have Shirley Temples.
Pattycakes! Pattycakes!
Hey, aloha!
Long time, no see, where you been?
Welcome back.
Hey, nice outfit.
Hey, where the hell's Edy?
I fired her.
Hey, I'm kidding with you.
Look, I haven't seen her since I got here.
Damn, I don't like this.
Donna called and she said it's urgent
for the both of you to
get out to her house.
Ashley, my friend, I'm
gonna steal your car.
Oh, man.
Come on, come on.
Thanks.
Yeah, a little petrol
won't hurt that car either.
Good news, Jimmy John, good news!
Listen, yeah okay, I've got him.
They lost the satellite feed on the news
we did on those football guys.
Whitey, that's great, that
means we still got our jobs!
Okay, they also want you
to interview the lady golfer,
Muffy Fremont.
No, no, Whitey.
She's so dumb, she went home early
to study for her pap test.
Yeah.
Right, I'll tell him.
No, I fixed the phone wires myself.
With tools.
No, Dickson, I have never
been mistaken for a man.
Have you?
Goodbye.
Well,
the Health Department
hasn't found the snake yet.
But according to their calculations,
the snake's own toxins will kill it
within the next 36 hours.
Well, at least that's one problem
someone else can handle.
People who cross me have
a habit of disappearing.
Now, where are the diamonds?!
I don't know!
Honestly!
Kimo.
Not ready to talk yet?
You will!
Okay, back to Edy.
I have a plan.
Dawn's the best time to execute it.
You said you had some
video tape to show me.
Yeah, it's set up in the office.
Why don't you go take
a look at the tape.
I'll stay here and lay out the weapons
and fill Taryn in on
what's expected of her.
Taryn, you're a civilian,
you don't have to do this.
I wouldn't let my friends down, I'm in.
Come on, Rowdy.
I think she still needs
an attitude adjustment.
Rosie's good at that.
She's real good at that.
You know, Uncle Sam sure
gave you a great cover.
Yeah.
And Molokai Cargo is
actually showing a profit.
Would you like a drink?
Maybe something light.
Coming up, we have
cola, lemon lime, diet,
regular, caffeine free.
Vodka.
You mean, a martini.
Just hand me the bottle.
Okay.
Lemon peel.
This is the way I like my martini.
Vodka, medium dry,
lemon peel,
shaken, not stirred.
So what you think?
Hey, it works for me.
A spy should do their own thing.
You're Charlie Chan, right?
Si, Senorita.
This is the video that
we shot this afternoon.
Who is the girl?
She' a local.
She plays Frisbee with this guy every day.
Good, I can use that.
That guard's name is Shades.
We've got a file on him.
He's the one that pulled the trigger
on the Molokai policemen.
Did you know what was happening here
when you asked me to stay in Honolulu?
Yeah.
You can't control my life.
I don't wanna control your life.
All I wanna do is suck the
polish right off your toes.
Here she comes.
It's seven o'clock, Mr. Chang
will be expecting your call.
Thanks.
I don't keep him waiting.
Do whatever it takes to make her talk.
Get out, boys, I'll take it from here.
I think I'll turn up the stereo.
That's a good idea.
Donna, you're the greatest.
Rowdy, wanna hold it down a little bit?
No.
I like it like that.
I know that, I know that.
So tell me,
what do you feel?
One man's dream
is another man's lunch.
You son of a bitch.
Must've been some kind of video.
We stopped for a bite to eat.
You shouldn't chew your food so loud.
Mr. Chang, this is Seth.
I trust you have received your payment.
We need another shipment.
Last time your courier
came up a few kilos short.
I'll correct that
or he'll take his hand home in a bag.
Seth,
no one must interfere with our plans.
We must show our power.
Agents are everywhere.
Have no mercy.
Kill them all.
I understand.
I think this little fella's ready.
Tomorrow we kick ass and take names.
Hey, is it okay if I run along with you?
Sure!
Beautiful day, huh?
Uh huh.
Hey, Colleen, who's
that turkey with you?
He's just a thrower.
Sorry buster, you ain't
allowed here, take off.
Hey, lighten up, we're just throwing.
Oh yeah?
Let's see you throw one.
How about you get lost?
What do you mean?
I mean it.
Move out!
Now!
Hey, Colleen.
You've got a great ass.
So do you, pilgrim.
You don't look so hot to me.
Oh yeah?
See if you can catch this.
Hey!
Let's have it.
This is for the Molokai cops.
Hey, hey, partners, do you read me?
Roger.
Weather's great here on the beach.
Why don't you come on down?
Go for the fence, Taryn.
Donna's gonna drop some noise
grenades to flush them out.
We gotta get them away from Edy!
Cover me!
Practice, Rowdy, practice!
You, freeze!
Rowdy!
He's mine!
Take this.
Life's a bitch and then you die.
Give it up!
Drop it now!
My beads.
My mother gave those to me.
Edy.
And then you die.
Nice shooting, Rowdy.
Improving.
Jade, she's all yours.
Okay, we'll meet you outside.
Wait a minute, this is sensational.
Kinky sex.
I'll go get the midgets and the whips.
Okay, baby.
Rosie, come on, let's go!
Let's go, come on, move it!
Rosie, come on!
Rosie, let's go, come on!
Come on, let's go!
Rowdy, hand me that rocket gun!
Don't do it!
No!
Donna, take him out!
Oh, wow, far out!
James Bond did that in "Live and Let Die!"
That was really gnarly!
Gnarly, Taryn?
This isn't make-believe, it's real life!
Isn't that right, numb nuts?
I love it when you talk dirty.
Looks like it's all over here.
Edy, you all right?
Yeah, I'm fine, thanks to all of you.
Man, I'm really glad we're out of there.
And especially thanks to you, big guy.
Well, kid,
I'm gonna take you out tonight,
catch you back at the house?
Yeah, I'll see you there later.
I think our little
four-by-four needs an overhaul.
Oh yeah.
How about that van back there?
Nobody here's gonna need it.
That's a fact.
Taryn, you wouldn't believe it.
Rowdy fired six shots at the guy.
He missed every time.
Hey, I knew you'd cover me.
That wannabe female bartender
practically ran into my arms.
Who got that bastard, Seth?
The diamonds.
Damn you!
Donna!
Rowdy, look!
Damn!
Where the hell did that snake come from?
Would you believe up through the toilet?
Just when you thought
it was safe to take a pee.
Okay, folks, we got one
more stop on this tour.
Jade, make a right at the next building.
You got it.
It still hurts.
I was hoping it wouldn't hurt so bad now.
Okay, hold it, everybody.
You gotta let us hand this one.
Okay?
All right.
Okay.
Donna, he's up in the penthouse.
Let's do it.
Who the hell is this Chang guy, anyhow?
He's the brains.
Chinese father, British mother.
Raised in Hong Kong and London.
Educated, suave, merciless.
His bodyguard's a sadistic killer.
Chang keeps him happy with his work.
Yes.
We'll need another shipment.
Hey, what do you want?
Destroyer,
tear them in half!
Well, Mr. Chang,
I'd say it's all over.
In a pig's ass!
Did he say, "In a pig's ass?"
Yeah.
Wanna come with us?
Mr. Chang, that's very stupid.
Oh?
Bringing a knife to a gun fight?
Oh man, I've heard of guys
being dropped for a loss before
but this is really radical.
Damn!
Man, I hope they're okay.
Thanks, kid-o.
I'd have probably missed
the son of a bitch.
I think that we all deserve
a vacation cruise on the Malibu Express.
I agree.
All right.
Yeah but first I think
we should go to Molokai,
get the other bag of diamonds
and turn it over to the agency.
Excuse me, Kemosabe,
but we don't know where the diamonds are.
What do you mean?
Only moi knows where the diamonds are.
Is she saying what I think she's saying?
As federal agents you
are all bound by law
to turn in any confiscated goods, right?
That's right.
I'm just a mere civilian.
Since anyone who could
identify the diamonds is dead
the diamonds belong to me.
Can she do that?
Yep, she sure can.
And she can also share
the wealth with her friends.
A job worth doing is a job
worth doing for the right price.
Here, here!
Forever looking back
To see what's on your track
There's danger everywhere
For every step you take
There's two to make you break
It seems you can't get there
You push ahead
There's trouble all around
Run to your destiny
The price is high
But it's worth it if it's found
Because nothing good is ever for free
Whoa, I got a hard ticket
To paradise
Whoa, I got a
Hard ticket
Got to stay with it tonight
Oh, oh yeah
So now it's very clear
You think the end is near
You face it all alone
You struggle and you toil
Desire for the spoils
Your fear runs to the bone
But you push ahead
There's trouble all around
Run to your destiny
The price is high
But it's worth it if it's found
Because nothing good is every for free
Whoa, I got a hard ticket
To paradise
Oh, oh, I got a
Hard ticket
Got to stick with it tonight
Oh, oh yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yes, I gotta
Hard ticket
To paradise
Got to keep moving on
Hard ticket
Gotta stick with it tonight
Oh, I got a
Hard ticket
I've got a hard ticket
No matter what they say
No matter what they do
Got to be moving
Let nothing stop me now, now, now, now
Rowdy, the water is great.
Are you kidding?
I've got better things to
do with my body temperature.
Thanks.
I'm gonna miss you, Rowdy Abilene.
You don't have to go back to Molokai.
I can request you for
my staff in Honolulu.
The agency wants me on Molokai.
Drug enforcement is no
job for a girl like you.
Right.
Stay here and play.
You Tarzan, me Jane.
You can't blame me for trying.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Yeah, well try this.
Hey, Bobby, we don't need that.
Put them away.
But, Henry, why don't we need the gun?
This land belongs to Daioo family.
They've been growing weed
on this part of the island
for three generations.
Once a year I come down, I tell them,
"Hey, take it easy, brah."
Then I hit 'em with a small fine.
Off I go.
But they still grow the stuff, though?
Oh, yeah, no hurt nobody.
It will make work for the locals.
The locals spend their money in town.
Everybody make out.
Me, I get one small
package for my trouble.
You know, I pass 'em around.
Remember now, in one
month I'm gonna retire,
so you're gonna be number one,
so better learn this routine.
Okay, Bobby?
Okay, Henry.
Damn.
I though it is a small family operation.
Don't look right.
Look all those workers.
This look like an assembly line.
There's a guy with a machine gun.
Something's wrong.
Back to the boat.
Get back to the boat!
Henry!
Don't shoot!
Let us down.
Take it easy, brah!
That's it.
Good job!
Run these two guys and their
boat through the shredder
and feed them to the fish.
Let's go, come on.
Come on, people, let's go.
You can do better than that.
Derek!
Hurry up, please.
What a career.
Hey, what's happening?
Hello, Bill.
See what you can do over here, please.
These guys are just
waiting for their lunch break.
Lunch?
You've just come off a coffee break.
That's good.
Help me, this baby is heavy.
Shew, yeah.
God, these early morning
hours are killing me.
Drug enforcement agents
can't afford to get soft.
I'm supposed to be soft, I'm a woman.
If it wasn't for this
arrangement, you'd be a dead woman.
At least when I testified
against the mob in Vegas,
they threatened to kill me quickly.
You're taking your time.
Look, Taryn, you didn't
make such a bad deal
with our witness protection program.
Well,
at least I'm in the islands.
Hey, Donna.
When the Feds told me
I could come to Hawaii
and live and help you keep your cover,
it sounded like paradise
but you never let up.
The agency expects us
to keep fit at all times.
But I'm still just a civilian.
It doesn't mean you can't be buff.
Ow!
That's good.
Hey, guys, we're gonna go get some coffee.
Fix up the next load, okay?
All right, later.
Oh, this is a nasty-looking snake.
- Heavytoo.
- Come on.
- Hi, Dickson!
- Hi, Dickson.
Hey, hey, hey.
You all set for the Molokai run?
You sure are.
You got one set of honeymooners
booked to Halawa Valley
and one snake.
A snake?
Dickson, I don't like snakes.
Besides, there's never
been a snake on the island.
Well there is now.
Actually, it's just for display
at the Molokai Ranch Wildlife Park.
Oh, make sure they get this book
on the care and feeding of it.
Will do.
Thanks, Dickson, we'll see you soon.
- Bye, sweetie.
- Have fun.
- Hey, guys.
- Howdy.
Hey there.
You are going to love this.
This place is so romantic.
It's beautiful.
You guys, it's gorgeous.
Let's hit it.
You know, Donna, I just figured
out a cure for my boredom.
I'll pretend I'm in a James Bond movie.
You've got a
great imagination, Taryn.
Well, I do have a whole
new identity to develop.
And a lot to forget.
Yeah?
And out of all the actors
who played James Bond,
who do you like best?
I'd give them all equal time.
We're all set in here, guys.
Let us know when you're clear.
Okay, Taryn, we're ready for clearance.
This is Cessna Molokai
Cargo November niner-niner,
786 requesting clearance
on runway five left.
Roger, Molokai
Cargo, clear for takeoff.
Speaking through the ages
It takes the breath away
Falling waters laughing
Your thoughts escape
This tropic island dreamland
And the sights that you can see
Good and evil struggle their destiny
It's a hard ticket to Hawaii
It's not paradise all the time
It's a hard ticket to Hawaii
Lush green mountains tower
Like heaven palaces
The breeze that sings so softly
Inside of them
Once the song is shattered
The bullets fly instead
As danger takes control
Condition red
It's a hard ticket to Hawaii
It's not paradise all the time
It's a hard ticket to Hawaii
Although it's like a dream
It's not what it seems
It's a hard ticket to Hawaii
It's not paradise all the time
It's a hard ticket to Hawaii
Damn it, this is the
snake for the wildlife park.
Bruce, Derek?
You guys loaded a crate with a snake in it
marked "contaminated" on
the Molokai Cargo plane?
No we didn't, boss.
We loaded a box that
just said "live snake."
- "Live snake?"
- Yeah.
What's the matter with you guys?
Has something baked your brains?
Now I gotta get on the radio
and get that plane back here.
That snake they have is dangerous.
It's contaminated!
Live snake.
Bruce, give me a hand.
Okay guys, here we go.
It's a little bit of a hike
but I think you'll enjoy it.
Yeah, this is great.
It's one of the prettiest
campsites in the whole world.
You know, the travel agency told us
that we were gonna be all alone.
We are gonna be all alone, aren't we?
Sure you are.
Great!
We just love nature at its purest.
Honolulu calling
November niner-niner, 786.
Do you read me? Come in, please.
Come on, girls, be there.
That snake you got is a killer.
Honolulu calling November
niner-niner, 786.
Do you read me?
Come in, please.
This is Honolulu calling
November niner-niner, 786.
Do you read me?
Come in, please.
Come in, please.
Wow, this is terrific.
We really appreciate you
guys bringing us out here.
No problem.
We'll be back to pick you
up tomorrow in our jeep.
Our home base is just over the hill.
Okay, great.
Hey, thanks a lot.
We'll see you guys tomorrow.
Have a good time, guys.
Bye bye.
You guys have fun.
Isn't it gorgeous out here, babe?
This always makes me nervous, Mr. Chang.
I'd almost rather try to
get him through customs.
The way they watch us?
No way.
This has always worked.
We don't have to worry about
customs or the Coast Guard.
And the boys are paid,
nice and clean.
Yes, sir.
What is that?
It's coming right at us.
Look out!
Get out of the way!
Damn, it's landing right here!
Who could be flying that thing?
This is no kid's toy.
It's an expensive remote control model.
Look, the doors open!
Now what do you suppose?
Freeze!
Hold it!
Let's go!
Let's get out of here!
Come on, Donna, hurry up!
Who were those broads?
Don't let them get away!
Don't let them get away!
Damn them, there they go!
We gotta get the stuff
out of the chopper, man.
Oh man, it's gone!
They took the boxes!
Damn!
What are we gonna do?
I dread facing Seth empty-handed.
Yeah.
Taryn, we need to figure
out what just happened.
Let's unload and hit the Jacuzzi.
I do my best thinking there.
Right, I'll get the dolly.
Oh, this thing weighs a ton.
Yeah, this is heavy all right.
Gosh!
Heavy.
Really.
Well, here's the care
and feeding manual.
Huh.
"All snakes eat meet.
"They swallow animals whole,
"often larger than themselves.
"Many snakes simply grab their victims
"and swallow them alive."
Ugh.
"Others kill their prey first.
"Some snakes eat only
once every few weeks."
Well, I sure hope this one is not hungry.
Really.
After we put away the crate,
let's see what's in the box we found.
Let's put this baby in the hanger.
Boy, I tell you, after a day like today,
there's no place like home.
No doubt.
Oh, Charlotte, baby,
where have you been?
I haven't seen you for awhile.
I'm just a working girl.
This joint's too expensive for me.
Hey, you can eat in my joint anytime.
For free.
That makes me want to
turn into a vegetarian.
Excuse me, Ashley,
but don't you need to
check on some reservations?
I'll seat Charlotte for you.
Right, Edy.
Oh, Charlotte!
Catch you later, baby.
There you are, and enjoy your lunch.
Charlotte, Charlotte, thank
goodness you decided to come.
Charlotte, I'm not just some fast-talking
New York television director.
I care for you great
deal, trust me, Charlotte.
You practically raped me last night.
That was last night,
Charlotte, this is today.
I care for you, Charlotte,
I care for your mind.
I don't care about your body anymore.
I'm not into that.
May I help you?
I'll have a pair of coffee.
Hello, Mr. Romero, is
everything satisfactory?
Superb, as usual, Edy.
Thank you.
Hey, excuse me a moment.
Of course.
What are you two doing here?
Now calm down, Mr. Romero,
we've got some bad news.
Yeah, boss, somebody
beat us to the stuff.
They got away.
Looks like they almost killed you!
Who were they?!
It was a couple broads.
Broads?
You dummies.
They got away on that cargo plane.
Yeah.
Uh huh.
Molokai Cargo.
Yeah.
If brains were bird shit
you'd have a clean cage.
I'll get someone else to handle them.
Get out of here.
Come here.
I have a job for you.
Here you go, Donna,
let's see what's in here.
Diamonds!
These must be worth a fortune.
No wonder they tried to kill us.
We are in big trouble.
You think they know who we are?
How many women fly around
Molokai in a cargo plane?
One, Kemosabe. I'm getting out of here.
Where do you think you're going
where there is not a
contract out on your life?
So what are we gonna do?
First step's to report to Rowdy.
Yeah.
And we need to call the park
and have them pick up that snake.
Let's go.
Come on, turn those hands, come on.
Turn 'em.
Good, okay, cover up.
Come on.
Whoa.
Okay, good.
Good work.
Jade,
you see these hands?
These hands are lethal weapons.
Oh really?
Confucius say, "Man with deadly
hands must be very careful
"while slapping on aftershave."
Heads up, Jade,
sushi man's on his way.
Hope he's got good news today.
Here's your lunch, Rowdy.
Cute, the way the agency
sends us these things.
Too bad they couldn't wrap it
in a spring roll or something.
I'm really hungry.
We've got trouble in paradise, amigo.
I don't believe it.
You have another spy movie poster?
And in German, yet?
Yeah, it's a real killer, isn't it?
Taryn, you have a
"Malibu Express" poster
hanging over your bed.
The store threw it in for free.
I thought you'd get a kick out of it.
We don't hear much from Cody anymore
since he left the agency
to become an actor.
Well, he and Rowdy are cousins, right?
Yeah.
They're both adorable but just
a little bit flaky, you know?
So tell me the truth,
Donna, about Rowdy.
How's his stuff?
Great.
He's got four inches.
Four inches?
That's not so hot.
Yet it is.
I'm measuring from the ground up.
I'm gonna put these in the freezer.
After all, it is ice, isn't it?
Taryn, let's get out of here!
Taryn?
Taryn?
Who are you?
Let go of me!
Now,
where are the diamonds?
What diamonds?
You know damn well what diamonds.
Don't get smart with me.
Now, where are they?
They're in the hangar.
Let's go.
They're out here!
They better be, ma'am.
Where are the diamonds?
I ain't telling you.
Where are they?!
Ow! Ow!
The diamonds ain't in here!
Stupid bitch!
Where are they?
In the freezer.
Get'em!
You better not be lying.
Take 'em out.
Now!
Hold it!
She's got the diamonds!
There's only one box!
If you wanna live, you better come up
with the other box, now.
You won't kill us.
We're the only ones who
know where the diamonds are.
You tell us or you'll wish you were dead
for release.
Oh my God!
Snake!
Go away! Go away!
It's Seth, let's go!
He's in trouble.
We'll be back.
Get that other box!
It ain't over yet!
Come on, let's go!
Over there!
Come on!
Go ahead, I'm okay.
What are you doing?!
Those bastards!
Donna!
Where'd they go?
There they are!
I can't believe what I just saw!
Let's go!
Let's get out of here!
You son of a bitch!
Seth's been shot, move it!
I really lost it, didn't I?
No, you were great!
Let's check out the hanger.
The snake is gone!
Where is it?!
Oh no.
Damn it, and I have
managed to blow a hole
in one of the meanest faces
that ever hit these islands.
Yeah, I know, it's still out of order.
Keep trying, it's a
matter of life and death.
Thanks.
This is Honolulu calling
November niner-niner, 786.
Do you read me?
Come in, please.
This is Honolulu calling
November niner-niner, 786.
Do you read me?
Come in, please.
This is November niner-niner, 786, over.
Donna, this Dickson.
I want you to listen carefully
to everything I have to say.
We had a snake delivered here
for the Department of Health.
Now, that snake has been
infected by deadly toxins
from cancer infested rats.
It's a very dangerous snake.
It will kill anybody it
comes in contact with.
Are you still there, Donna?
Yeah, yeah, Dickson.
All right, now my
loaders' made a mistake.
You have the wrong snake.
You hear me? The wrong snake!
No we don't.
Don't tell me, I'm telling you!
That snake, don't do
anything, don't get near it!
Dickson, we don't have the snake.
It got loose!
Be careful!
I'll get back to you!
Donna, let's get out of here.
That thing could be anywhere.
Let's get back
to the house and secure it.
This is an emergency, give
me the Department of Health!
Donna, your dad's picture
got broken in the fight.
My father was the best agent
this government ever had.
You really miss him, don't you?
Yeah.
He died saving my life.
You know, when I make
mistakes like I did tonight,
I feel like I'm betraying him.
Donna, your dad would be proud of you.
You hit that creep in
the face with one shot.
Not bad.
Of course, James Bond
would have shot all three.
But, hey, who's counting?
Right.
Then he'd casually stroll
in here and jump our bones.
Yup, me first, of course.
Pals.
Let's go to Edy's and call Rowdy.
Okay.
Have a great meal.
Mmmm, mmmm, look at you two.
Every shot, a post card.
I'm gonna give you the
best seat in the house.
Oh, and where's that?
You can sit right here, on my face.
Why?
Is your nose bigger than your dick?
Ashley, you know we love you.
Where's Edy?
She's in her private
booth in the corner.
Thanks.
Hi, Edy.
Hi, how have you been?
Not so hot.
Can I get a white wine, please?
Same for me, Patty.
I'd like a martini vodka, medium dry,
lemon peel, shaken, not stirred.
Yeah, yeah, ladies, like
I didn't already know.
Edy, we've gotta talking.
No one can hear us here.
Have you heard
anything about diamonds
in connection with Seth Romero?
Donna, the agency only
uses me as a contact.
There's really very little
that they tell me directly.
I just shot Seth Romero in the face.
I shoulda killed him.
You may wish you had,
'cause the best you can
hope for now is crutches.
We've got to reach Rowdy.
Desperately.
Let's go to my office.
Hey, buddy, what's happening?
Hey, Jimmy John Jackson,
Southern Cable Sports Network.
Here for the pro football meetings
and I'll be calling them as I see 'em.
You guys are ballplayers
from Seattle, right?
Pattycakes, tall glass
of water, plenty of ice.
Hey, darling.
Now you see this two, they're multis'.
Now the key here is to make sure you get
the vitamin A and B day-come.
Now, they're water
soluble, easily depleted.
This little brown capsule,
here, that's vitamin E.
Combats aging, builds endurance
and helps keep the old
wazoo healing hearty.
I take 800 units of those a day.
Now these little guys.
These are less.
These guys get into this capillaries
and scrub those walls clean.
With clean blood, my brain works better.
Now B-complex, ties the
whole scenario together
and eliminates stress.
And the alfalfa tab,
king hail the toxiferous.
But my favorite by far, vitamin C.
Can never take too much of that.
Take 10 grams a day, as
I do, and your kidneys
will cranked out that iridescent
green and yellow urine
and win you respect in
every restroom in the world.
Man, I sure love soul food.
Right on, bro.
Diamonds stolen.
Seth shot.
Been a hell of a day.
I got a word that Seth's hitters
took out two Molokai policeman.
Poor guy didn't even know what hit them.
They had stumbled on a
full-fledged drug operation
on the IU property.
Seth is definitely playing
hardball in your backyard.
Taryn and I are a living proof of that.
You're also our proof that
Seth is directly involved.
Listen, I want both of you
to stay with Edy tonight.
We'll be on the first
flight in the morning.
Donna,
I want you and Taryn to go out
to Seth's beach house tomorrow morning
and have a look around.
Diamonds or no diamonds,
you're sure to be on his hit list now.
Edy, I want you to stay at the restaurant,
business as usual.
I don't want Seth to suspect
we've got his number.
Oh yeah, and by the way,
we will bring our trunk of toys.
Hey, Edy,
speaking of toys,
I can't wait to see yours.
What a stud.
Bye, girls.
Bye bye.
How does it look?
She just grazed you.
She took a chunk out.
A little plastic surgery,
you'll be all right.
Seth, you've gotta see a doctor.
No.
Hello.
Yeah, hold on.
It's Michelle at the bar.
Message.
Let me take a message, Michelle.
Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
Got it.
Now then, Charlotte.
Excuse me,
I'll be back in a minute.
Well, at least we've
got couple of ball players
we can interview tomorrow.
Taryn,
isn't that sportscaster,
Jimmy John Jackson,
a special friend of yours?
Yes, as a matter of
fact, he's a first civilian
that I met after I got my new identity.
Said he was gonna call
me when he got into town
but our phone's not working.
Hey, Whitey!
I believe you've met these two.
And the beautiful young lady
that brought them here tonight.
Here's your coffee, Whitey.
Hey, Whitey, you go down on her,
you gonna be kissing the back of my head,
cause I'm already gonna be there.
I think you know what I mean.
Yeah, really.
Oh Whitey,
that would make hell of
a sports segment for me.
I'll give you all the sports
segments you can handle.
Taryn.
- Hi, Whitey.
- Hey, baby.
Ordinarily, I'm not this easy.
I was about to say the same thing.
You're too much, Jimmy John.
I'm not really Jimmy John,
I'm really a British secret agent.
I thought so, you give
great secret service.
All in the line of duty.
Tea and crumpets in like that.
Oh.
Yes?
What are you doing?
I'm pretending to be a mere receptacle
for Jimmy John's desires.
Come on back,
you've been there all night
and we have work to do.
I'll be there.
There's the car Edy left for us.
I think I'm anxious to see Edy.
That figures.
She's awfully fine.
Nothing like my first wife.
My first wife used to
mow the lawn stark naked.
What'd your neighbors say?
They said I married her for money.
Did you?
Hang on, Rowdy, we got
some nutcase in front of us.
Man, he must be
smoking some heavy doobies.
Come on!
Move it, Earring!
They're just up ahead!
You got it, brah!
I think they're gone now.
Yep.
Here's the gun, Skater.
Blow them away!
No problem, baby.
Look out, he's got a gun!
Jade, how bad you hit?
I've been better but I'll live.
Let's get that turkey!
The bazooka, Rowdy?
It's the only gun I can
hit a moving target with.
Good hunting weapon, huh?
Let's get into town and get you patched up
and then we'll go over to Edy's.
You hurting?
I caught some shrapnel.
I'm not as bad off as this jeep.
I can't believe that shootout.
I wonder what happened to the skateboard.
I don't know.
I think I let it get away.
Come on, Jamie, would you smile?
There's nobody out here, come on.
You look great, baby.
Turns sideways, Jamie.
Wait a minute, I wanna get those mountains
in the back of the picture, okay baby?
Show off.
Oh, that's wonderful.
Hey, how'd it feel?
What happened?
Some bad news and some good news.
Bad news is doctor says I'm
gonna be sore for a while.
What's the good news?
Good news is there is a
great looking nurse in there
and she was extremely helpful.
How helpful?
Well, she kept me in stitches.
I'm gonna make a phone call.
How long you been on the island?
About five years now.
Excuse me, what would you like?
A local beer, please.
Hello.
Edy, it's for you, darling.
A man named Rowdy.
He's on your private line.
Excuse me.
Where are you?
I thought you'd be here by now.
I've got some good news
and I've got some bad news.
We're at the hospital.
What happened?
We're okay and that's the good news.
Bad news is, the car died
a couple of blocks away.
I must say, the greeting party lacked
a little of the old aloha spirit.
Stay where you are,
I'll come pick you up.
I'm leaving for awhile.
Have Ashley look after
things when he gets here.
Hello, Rosie?
You and Kimo come and pick
me up in five minutes.
Michelle, look at you.
You're missing a shape.
You've got to exercise every day
to keep these little puppies firm.
Yes, I know.
A healthy body and
mind are very important.
I see you're halfway there.
Thanks.
Keep firm, Michelle.
Good breasts are a great asset.
Well, thanks, honey.
I needed that.
There he is.
Come on, Michael!
She's on her way to the hospital.
Take the back road and cut her off.
Hit it, Kimo.
Get her and let's go!
Grab her, hold her!
What're you trying to do?!
I got the bitch, let's go!
Grab her legs!
That guard over there
is wearing a walkie-talkie
as well as the gun.
Can probably call in an army.
They take their
throwing pretty seriously.
Let me see your camera,
I wanna get a better look at the house.
Look, Donna,
that chopper's landing in Seth's yard.
How do you zoom this camera
in to make the shot tighter?
Push this red button, right here.
Okay.
Let go of me!
Finally, my orders are obeyed!
Thank you, my man.
They've got Edy!
I understand you've
been sticking your nose
in my business.
I don't know what
you've been talking about!
I have plans for you.
Take her in the house!
You know, that guy on the
left sure looks familiar.
We better find a phone and
get Rowdy and Jade, fast.
Where the hell is Edy?
Should've been here by now.
Maybe she got held up.
I'm getting worried.
You getting worried?
I'm getting worried.
Let's just hitch a ride.
Let's do it.
Hey, maybe they've got a phone!
I hope so.
Here's a dime
for your phone call, Donna.
A dime, Taryn?
Yeah, let's go.
Let me handle them.
Like my favorite British spy,
I happen to be fluent in
many foreign languages.
I can communicate with people
from all walks of life.
Yeah.
Ashley, it's Donna.
Is Rowdy there?
How about Jade?
Damn.
When they show up, tell them
to come out to our place.
It's urgent.
No, no, they can't call,
our phone's not working.
That bartender, Michelle,
isn't there, is she?
I thought not, thanks Ashley.
The guy at Seth's house
is the bartender at Edy's.
I recognized this
cigarette in his left hand
and his pinkie ring.
He was put there to spy on Edy.
So the girl is a guy,
and the guy is a plant.
You're catching on.
That's why Edy's surveillance
of Seth wasn't working.
Michelle has been tipping him off.
Oh.
We've gotta get back to
pick up the honeymooners.
I'm really worried about Edy.
Yeah, so am I.
I don't believe it!
That's Jamie.
Oh, Taryn.
She's all torn up!
Where's Joey, we've gotta find him!
Joey?!
Taryn! Taryn!
I don't believe it!
What happened?!
It's Joey, he's dead!
I can't believe this has happened.
What is this?
It's a camera.
Look, this was stuck inside.
Look, it's developing.
The snake!
I thought Dickson sent someone
to pick up that damn thing!
Where do you think it is?
I don't know, Donna,
but let's get out of here.
You're right, there's nothing we can do.
Three, two,
one.
This is Jimmy John Jackson
of Southern Cable Sports Network,
we're here in Molokai, Hawaii,
for the pro football meetings
and we're at Edy's outpost with of a lot
of football celebrities.
With us today is Don
Merryman, to talk to us about
his years as quarterback
with the Dallas Steers
and seated next to him
is favorite receiver,
Billy "Blueshoes" Marvis.
Don, the question I've
always wanted to ask you
is about the touchdown pass you threw
to Billy Blueshoes, here, last year.
Now it looked to me like
a double post pattern
with a pick on the outside line backer,
a flare across the middle
with your split end
and a play action that gave you time
to throw that ball 60 yards in the air.
Now, time running out, no more timeouts
and all that pressure,
what was it that you told
those guys in that huddle?
How did you call the play?
Well, Jimmy John, all I said was,
"Niggers, go deep,
"and white guys, keep 'em
out if you can on two."
Jimmy, the motherfucker is
crazy but he sure can throw.
That's it from here, Molokai, Hawaii.
Back to you, Howard.
Great broadcast.
A career high, Jimmy John!
Your future is behind you, baby.
Hey, can't win 'em all.
Hey, beautiful, high-five!
Take care of yourself.
I don't believe it Jimmy John.
I don't believe it, our career is over.
You should catch that broadcast.
That Jimmy John is a real card, huh?
What are these guys drinking?
They were supposed to
have Shirley Temples.
Pattycakes! Pattycakes!
Hey, aloha!
Long time, no see, where you been?
Welcome back.
Hey, nice outfit.
Hey, where the hell's Edy?
I fired her.
Hey, I'm kidding with you.
Look, I haven't seen her since I got here.
Damn, I don't like this.
Donna called and she said it's urgent
for the both of you to
get out to her house.
Ashley, my friend, I'm
gonna steal your car.
Oh, man.
Come on, come on.
Thanks.
Yeah, a little petrol
won't hurt that car either.
Good news, Jimmy John, good news!
Listen, yeah okay, I've got him.
They lost the satellite feed on the news
we did on those football guys.
Whitey, that's great, that
means we still got our jobs!
Okay, they also want you
to interview the lady golfer,
Muffy Fremont.
No, no, Whitey.
She's so dumb, she went home early
to study for her pap test.
Yeah.
Right, I'll tell him.
No, I fixed the phone wires myself.
With tools.
No, Dickson, I have never
been mistaken for a man.
Have you?
Goodbye.
Well,
the Health Department
hasn't found the snake yet.
But according to their calculations,
the snake's own toxins will kill it
within the next 36 hours.
Well, at least that's one problem
someone else can handle.
People who cross me have
a habit of disappearing.
Now, where are the diamonds?!
I don't know!
Honestly!
Kimo.
Not ready to talk yet?
You will!
Okay, back to Edy.
I have a plan.
Dawn's the best time to execute it.
You said you had some
video tape to show me.
Yeah, it's set up in the office.
Why don't you go take
a look at the tape.
I'll stay here and lay out the weapons
and fill Taryn in on
what's expected of her.
Taryn, you're a civilian,
you don't have to do this.
I wouldn't let my friends down, I'm in.
Come on, Rowdy.
I think she still needs
an attitude adjustment.
Rosie's good at that.
She's real good at that.
You know, Uncle Sam sure
gave you a great cover.
Yeah.
And Molokai Cargo is
actually showing a profit.
Would you like a drink?
Maybe something light.
Coming up, we have
cola, lemon lime, diet,
regular, caffeine free.
Vodka.
You mean, a martini.
Just hand me the bottle.
Okay.
Lemon peel.
This is the way I like my martini.
Vodka, medium dry,
lemon peel,
shaken, not stirred.
So what you think?
Hey, it works for me.
A spy should do their own thing.
You're Charlie Chan, right?
Si, Senorita.
This is the video that
we shot this afternoon.
Who is the girl?
She' a local.
She plays Frisbee with this guy every day.
Good, I can use that.
That guard's name is Shades.
We've got a file on him.
He's the one that pulled the trigger
on the Molokai policemen.
Did you know what was happening here
when you asked me to stay in Honolulu?
Yeah.
You can't control my life.
I don't wanna control your life.
All I wanna do is suck the
polish right off your toes.
Here she comes.
It's seven o'clock, Mr. Chang
will be expecting your call.
Thanks.
I don't keep him waiting.
Do whatever it takes to make her talk.
Get out, boys, I'll take it from here.
I think I'll turn up the stereo.
That's a good idea.
Donna, you're the greatest.
Rowdy, wanna hold it down a little bit?
No.
I like it like that.
I know that, I know that.
So tell me,
what do you feel?
One man's dream
is another man's lunch.
You son of a bitch.
Must've been some kind of video.
We stopped for a bite to eat.
You shouldn't chew your food so loud.
Mr. Chang, this is Seth.
I trust you have received your payment.
We need another shipment.
Last time your courier
came up a few kilos short.
I'll correct that
or he'll take his hand home in a bag.
Seth,
no one must interfere with our plans.
We must show our power.
Agents are everywhere.
Have no mercy.
Kill them all.
I understand.
I think this little fella's ready.
Tomorrow we kick ass and take names.
Hey, is it okay if I run along with you?
Sure!
Beautiful day, huh?
Uh huh.
Hey, Colleen, who's
that turkey with you?
He's just a thrower.
Sorry buster, you ain't
allowed here, take off.
Hey, lighten up, we're just throwing.
Oh yeah?
Let's see you throw one.
How about you get lost?
What do you mean?
I mean it.
Move out!
Now!
Hey, Colleen.
You've got a great ass.
So do you, pilgrim.
You don't look so hot to me.
Oh yeah?
See if you can catch this.
Hey!
Let's have it.
This is for the Molokai cops.
Hey, hey, partners, do you read me?
Roger.
Weather's great here on the beach.
Why don't you come on down?
Go for the fence, Taryn.
Donna's gonna drop some noise
grenades to flush them out.
We gotta get them away from Edy!
Cover me!
Practice, Rowdy, practice!
You, freeze!
Rowdy!
He's mine!
Take this.
Life's a bitch and then you die.
Give it up!
Drop it now!
My beads.
My mother gave those to me.
Edy.
And then you die.
Nice shooting, Rowdy.
Improving.
Jade, she's all yours.
Okay, we'll meet you outside.
Wait a minute, this is sensational.
Kinky sex.
I'll go get the midgets and the whips.
Okay, baby.
Rosie, come on, let's go!
Let's go, come on, move it!
Rosie, come on!
Rosie, let's go, come on!
Come on, let's go!
Rowdy, hand me that rocket gun!
Don't do it!
No!
Donna, take him out!
Oh, wow, far out!
James Bond did that in "Live and Let Die!"
That was really gnarly!
Gnarly, Taryn?
This isn't make-believe, it's real life!
Isn't that right, numb nuts?
I love it when you talk dirty.
Looks like it's all over here.
Edy, you all right?
Yeah, I'm fine, thanks to all of you.
Man, I'm really glad we're out of there.
And especially thanks to you, big guy.
Well, kid,
I'm gonna take you out tonight,
catch you back at the house?
Yeah, I'll see you there later.
I think our little
four-by-four needs an overhaul.
Oh yeah.
How about that van back there?
Nobody here's gonna need it.
That's a fact.
Taryn, you wouldn't believe it.
Rowdy fired six shots at the guy.
He missed every time.
Hey, I knew you'd cover me.
That wannabe female bartender
practically ran into my arms.
Who got that bastard, Seth?
The diamonds.
Damn you!
Donna!
Rowdy, look!
Damn!
Where the hell did that snake come from?
Would you believe up through the toilet?
Just when you thought
it was safe to take a pee.
Okay, folks, we got one
more stop on this tour.
Jade, make a right at the next building.
You got it.
It still hurts.
I was hoping it wouldn't hurt so bad now.
Okay, hold it, everybody.
You gotta let us hand this one.
Okay?
All right.
Okay.
Donna, he's up in the penthouse.
Let's do it.
Who the hell is this Chang guy, anyhow?
He's the brains.
Chinese father, British mother.
Raised in Hong Kong and London.
Educated, suave, merciless.
His bodyguard's a sadistic killer.
Chang keeps him happy with his work.
Yes.
We'll need another shipment.
Hey, what do you want?
Destroyer,
tear them in half!
Well, Mr. Chang,
I'd say it's all over.
In a pig's ass!
Did he say, "In a pig's ass?"
Yeah.
Wanna come with us?
Mr. Chang, that's very stupid.
Oh?
Bringing a knife to a gun fight?
Oh man, I've heard of guys
being dropped for a loss before
but this is really radical.
Damn!
Man, I hope they're okay.
Thanks, kid-o.
I'd have probably missed
the son of a bitch.
I think that we all deserve
a vacation cruise on the Malibu Express.
I agree.
All right.
Yeah but first I think
we should go to Molokai,
get the other bag of diamonds
and turn it over to the agency.
Excuse me, Kemosabe,
but we don't know where the diamonds are.
What do you mean?
Only moi knows where the diamonds are.
Is she saying what I think she's saying?
As federal agents you
are all bound by law
to turn in any confiscated goods, right?
That's right.
I'm just a mere civilian.
Since anyone who could
identify the diamonds is dead
the diamonds belong to me.
Can she do that?
Yep, she sure can.
And she can also share
the wealth with her friends.
A job worth doing is a job
worth doing for the right price.
Here, here!
Forever looking back
To see what's on your track
There's danger everywhere
For every step you take
There's two to make you break
It seems you can't get there
You push ahead
There's trouble all around
Run to your destiny
The price is high
But it's worth it if it's found
Because nothing good is ever for free
Whoa, I got a hard ticket
To paradise
Whoa, I got a
Hard ticket
Got to stay with it tonight
Oh, oh yeah
So now it's very clear
You think the end is near
You face it all alone
You struggle and you toil
Desire for the spoils
Your fear runs to the bone
But you push ahead
There's trouble all around
Run to your destiny
The price is high
But it's worth it if it's found
Because nothing good is every for free
Whoa, I got a hard ticket
To paradise
Oh, oh, I got a
Hard ticket
Got to stick with it tonight
Oh, oh yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yes, I gotta
Hard ticket
To paradise
Got to keep moving on
Hard ticket
Gotta stick with it tonight
Oh, I got a
Hard ticket
I've got a hard ticket
No matter what they say
No matter what they do
Got to be moving
Let nothing stop me now, now, now, now