Haunted House of Pancakes (2025) Movie Script
1
[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[DOOR CHIME]
What the hell happened in here?
[RADIO CHATTER]
Oh, shit!
You must just destroy it.
I'm going to get you some help, buddy.
Just hold--
No! Send it-- [COUGHING]
Send it back....
to hell!
[NEON SIGN BUZZING]
TV NEWSCASTER: Tragedy has struck the small
town of Shady Grove...
FRANK: Ooh, a rare vintage waffle maker...
TV NEWSCASTER: when The Waffle Emporium
burst into flames...
TV NEWSCASTER: Over 20 customers and
employees lost their lives in the fire.
FRANK: Tragic fire...
20 dead... yada yada yada....
Ah, here we go.
[HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING]
Yes! It's here!
JAY: Sorry I couldn't answer your
calls earlier, Abuelita
I was busy at the diner.
ABUELITA: You work too much, mijo.
Yeah, well, succeeding in the
restaurant business isn't easy.
And Carlos and I are both
making good money.
We've got a real future here.
We appreciate the money you
and your brother
are sending back home.
But you can't neglect your happiness.
I know.
You need to have some fun, too, Jay.
It's not good to work all the time.
Go meet a nice woman... or a man...
I'm fine. I've got Carlos!
Your brother can't do everything for you.
Sorry, Abuelita.
I need to put out a fire.
[SIZZLING, CRAKLING]
[CLAPPING]
Bravo.
You know, you can answer her calls
once in a while, too.
I think you need it more than
I do, little brother.
What's that supposed to mean?
What have I told you about getting
in my kitchen?
Man, come on.
Do you want me to make you something?
Just because you work in
a kitchen all day
doesn't make you a world-class chef, OK?
I can feed myself.
Spending so much
time in that kitchen
has really taught me the subtle
differences between cooking food
and burning it.
Ooh, please teach me your mystical ways
master of all food!
CARLOS: Someone's a little touchy tonight.
CARLOS: You know, you really ought to ask
Frank for a night off sometime.
Yeah?
This place would fall apart without me.
Oh, come on. We'll survive.
Besides, you heard, Abuelita.
You need to get out there, man.
Go to parties, meet that special someone...
Unless a special someone is Frank.
Very funny.
Besides, I already told Frank
I'd cover Agnes' shift.
One of her cats is sick again.
One of her cats is sick again.
See? Even the crazy cat lady has her
priorities in check.
You know, we came to America
for a better life, Jay.
Not to be indentured servants
to some tiny tyrant.
Look, Frank's not that bad.
Last week, I caught him with his
fat fist in our tip jar.
Look, we've got our own place, some
money in our pockets.
What more do you want?
FRANK: Get your asses out here!
You and your handsome brother!
Let's go!
Ah, Shithead number one. I can see you.
Come on, let's go!
This thing is heavier than
it looks, Frank.
You want to give me a hand with this?
With my bad back you should
be grateful I got the door.
Carlos, Carlos! I swear if you drop that thing
it's coming out of your paycheck.
You still owe us for last week.
YOU owe me your explanation on
the missing burgers.
It's the raccoon, Frank.
Oh, it's the raccoons again.
CARLOS: Yeah, and it's getting into that broken
window in the storeroom.
It's true, Frank. I've seen him.
Shut up! I've got customers here.
What's wrong with you two morons?
You're both morons.
Christ sakes, I got to do everything
around here.
Sorry about that.
Hey, kid!
FRANK: Paying customers only!
Don't tell anybody.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy, easy...
FRANK: Oh, wow.
That is a thing of beauty.
It's just a waffle maker, Frank.
Oh, that's much more than a waffle
maker, my friend.
That's a message to the world.
FRANK: This is our future right here.
Frank's Pancake House? Dead and buried.
Now it's Frank's Waffle House.
Isn't there a waffle place
down the street?
You didn't hear?
That place burned to the ground
a few weeks back.
Police still don't even know how it happened,
but it killed everyone inside.
Oh my god.
I know. Can you believe our luck?
With Waffle Emporium gone, a local
waffle vacuum has been created in town
And guess who's going to fill it?
A waffle vacuum?
Like a power vacuum only with waffles.
No? Nothin?
You're both morons.
We're the only waffle game in town now.
So let's make it official.
Jay, go hang a sign.
Tell everybody waffles are on the menu.
And my favorite.
Get to cooking.
I'll be waiting for the first
customers to come in.
(Singing) Dadadada waffles....
Frank?
FRANK: What?
This thing doesn't even work.
Oh, no, no, no...
Listen, I paid a lot of money
for that thing.
You make it work.
I'm not about to lose my
ass on this deal.
(mumbling) Make it work, make it work....
FRANK: And I can hear you.
[LOUD PARTY MUSIC PLAYING]
It's not that hard, Sarah.
You can do this.
You just need to write something.
Something that will convince them
that you're better and more deserving
than all the other applicants.
And it's due tomorrow.
No problem. I got this.
I totally got this.
[DOOR OPENING]
Hey!
What the hell?!
Hey, Roxie.
ROXY: Hi.
How's business tonight?
Everyone out here dressing like a hoe.
Kind of making it hard for
me to do my thing.
Not the prospects in here any better.
Ooh, is that big handsome brother
of yours in the back?
Carlos is tied up in the
kitchen all night.
Oh, shame.
I've been wanted to give him a go,
if you know what I mean.
What about you?
You want to be tied up in the back room?
Uhhh... no.
I don't have the time.
Well, you don't have time for
a girlfriend either.
Don't think I haven't been watching you.
You remind me of my abuelita.
Ouch!
No.
Not like that.
She's just obsessed with me finding
a special someone.
Well, if you're looking for
a special someone
on an hourly basis...
I think I could squeeze you in.
That's a very generous offer, Roxie.
I know it is.
But I also don't have the money.
Welp, that's the rub now,
ain't it, honey? [LAUGHS]
[DOOR CHIME]
Excuse me.
Coffee?
Sorry, what?
Black coffee, right?
Uh, yeah. Thanks.
I wasn't expecting you here tonight.
You know, with it being
Halloween and all.
Oh, right.
Yeah, that explains a lot.
Can I get you a menu?
No, just keep the coffee coming.
It's going to be a long night.
JAY: OK, well, if you need anything,
anything at all,
just let me know.
[KEYBOARD CLICKS]
Guess I'll leave you to it.
Good one, Jay.
[DOOR CHIME]
JAY: Officer Fraidy, how's it going?
Oh, it's going.
A lot of ghouls and goblins out tonight.
But you know, I don't mind it.
It's all part of the job, right?
[LAUGHTER]
Hey, Jay.
Go help your useless brother.
I'll see what I can do.
You do that.
How are you tonight, officer?
Not bad, Frank. How you doin?
Not bad, not bad.
Why are you even bothering
with this thing?
Like Frank said, these waffles are gonna
to turn our restaurant around.
Our restaurant?
You know Frank's not big on sharing.
Do you even know what you're doing?
Not a clue.
Oh, that's right.
The guys I paid to dick around.
Look, I need fries and a burger, well
done, for the good officer out there.
Let's go. Chop chop!
Yep, on it.
Whoa, hey, hey, come check this out.
Carlos: What?
It's got this weird old logo on it.
It's an old machine.
Brand logos were weird back then.
What do you think it means?
Who cares, man?
Just leave it alone.
You know, you're wasting your time
trying to impress Frank when
you should be trying to impress that
cute girl out there.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Come on.
Just go talk to her.
Hey, women love a confident man.
That's easy for you to say.
You look like some Latin bronzed
action figure.
And you know your way around the kitchen.
That's like catnip to women.
What am I going to do?
Burn her toast?
Well, she might like burnt toast.
But you're never gonna know
unless you go talk to her.
Ah, shit!
[SIZZLING]
Frank's really going to appreciate
you bleeding all over his kitchen.
God damn it.
JAY: I can't look.
CARLOS: Just hold still, man.
Oh, I'm feeling lightheaded.
Just keep your stomach down until
you're out of my kitchen, OK?
[HEAVY BREATHING]
There.
Done.
Hey, look.
I think I fixed it.
You didn't even do anything.
That sizzling says otherwise.
It's hot!
See?
I told you, fixed.
I'll go tell Frank.
Hold on a second here, man.
Don't get ahead of yourself.
Let me clean your blood off of it
and I'll run a test batch
before you could give him the happy news.
Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
You do that.
[SLAM]
[SPOOKY WAFFLE MAKER SOUNDS]
Well, Frank
That hit the spot.
Glad to hear it.
You, uh, have yourself a good night now.
Yeah, you be careful out there.
You know I do.
That'll be $13.28.
Come again?
Well, you got the burger,
the fries, and the soda.
$13.28
You, um, you hearing this, Frank?
Jay, what the hell is wrong with you?
FRANK: I'm sorry, officer. He ain't got
his head on straight tonight
Food's on us.
Food's on us.
Yeah, well, maybe you should train
your employees better.
You know, if anything
were to happen here,
I'd be the first on the scene.
And for your own protection
I'd want to keep me properly fueled.
Oh, yeah, I promise.
Last time.
Right, Jay?
SARAH: You know, officer
that sounds like extortion.
Extor--
That's a big word coming
from a little girl.
I'm sorry, little girl?
Hey, how about a refill on that coffee?
So tell me
Y'all hear about the Waffle
Emporium that burned down last week?
Officer, please.
These kids don't watch the news.
Well you know I was
there that very night.
But the manager wasn't as
understanding as you, Frank.
See, he let me leave on an empty stomach.
[CHUCKLES] No respect.
That's right.
Well, by the time I got the call,
see, I had low blood sugar.
So naturally, I had to stop over
at the Dandy Donuts.
FRANK: Oh, Dandy Donuts!
I heard their Donuts are killer.
FRAIDY: They're great, Frank.
You get the one with the cream inside?
Well, by the time I got
to the Waffle Emporium,
see, it was more like a
Waffle No-more-eum.
It was a massacre.
Syrup everywhere.
Waffle batter splattered on
all the walls.
And the bodies...
And you're gonna
risk the lives of everyone in here
over the cost of a burger?
And a soda.
[SPLASH]
Oops.
How clumsy of me.
See what happens when I get flustered?
I can-- [SNIFFS]
I can still smell the...
burning waffles.
[FRANK ALSO SNIFFS]
Me too!
Son of a bitch, you got him going.
Alright, Carlos!
Frank, actually, I'm
the one who--
FRANK: I don't want to hear another
word out of you.
Alright you just apologize
to the good officer here
and you clean up that spill.
Sorry, officer.
That's a good boy.
Just don't let it happen again.
And Frank, we'll catch you later.
Check up on the place, huh?
FRANK: Looking forward to it.
And looking forward to
trying those waffles, huh?
Oh, anytime.
[DOOR CHIME]
That was horrible.
Why would you let them
treat you like that?
Sorry, I-- I need to get a mop.
[SPOOKY WAFFLE
MAKER WHISPERING]
Son of a bitch, you got it working!
Jay did.
[SNIFFS] Oh, you know
what that is?
That's the smell of money, my friend.
Good.
You can finally hire us
some more kitchen help.
Who needs more kitchen help
when I get a waffle making genius
like you, Carlos?
You know what I really need?
I need a massage chair for my back.
It's killing me.
Waffles are up, everybody.
Waffles are up!
[MANIACAL WAFFLE
MAKER LAUGHTER]
[SEXY MUSIC PLAYS]
[SLOPPY MOPPING SOUNDS]
[SEXY MUSIC CONTINUES]
Focus, Sarah.
What?
Nothing.
[SEXY MUSIC PLAYS
A LITTLE MORE]
[INDISTINCT GIGGLING]
Hello?
Alright!
Finally, Frank gets something
that works.
[SCURRYING]
What the--
[CLANK]
[INDISTINCGIGGLING]
Who's there?
Jay?
[CLANK]
[SCREAMING]
[YELLING]
[THUD]
[DOOR CHIME]
[FOOTSTEPS]
How's it going tonight, sir?
Hola, mi amigo.
Doing pretty good.
How about yourself?
Can't complain.
Well, I reckon you can't.
Much better than no Mehico, am I right?
Actually, I'm Guatemalan.
Well, hell, son.
It's all the same shit.
Yeah.
Same shit.
Well, my Guantanemo compadre
what's good in this el restauranto?
Can't go wrong with the burger and fries.
I bet you like to slip
some of those
jalapenos in there,
don't you?
I know how you folks
like your spicy foods.
It's just a burger and--
Listen, fella...
I got myself what they call
a delicate constitution.
So if you can bring me a
stack of simple pancakes, bacon,
and eggs.
And sunny side up
None of that juevos
rancherios stuff.
[JAY SIGHS]
[FOOTSTEPS]
Buy me a drink.
Well, what are you having?
Something tall and hard.
God damn, son.
Amigo, and a drink for the lady.
[SPOOKY BEAT PLAYS]
[FLESH SLICING OPEN]
[DRIPPING]
Orders up.
Pancake, eggs, bacon.
You can spit in it if you want to.
No, don't really do that.
Frank wouldn't like it.
[BURY OVER ONE BY AMEZING PLAYS
IN BACKGROUND]
I'm telling you, Carlos,
tonight is not my night.
I just looked like a complete
idiot in front of her.
I mean, seriously,
could tonight get any worse?
[SPOOKY BEAT PLAYS]
[MANIACAL WAFFLE
MAKER LAUGHTER]
You know, I got me a big rig
parked out there.
I could give you a ride.
I bet you could, big boy.
I like a man who
knows how to handle his rig.
Well, look no further.
TRUCKER: Oooh, look at
these hands.
Some sweet brown sugar.
Oh, you better eat it up, honey.
Oh you know I will.
TRUCKER: Ooh this is
nice and soft.
ROXY: Thank you. Thank you.
[PURRING NOISES]
You know, I get the impression you might
prefer a quiet booth
in the back corner.
Thanks.
So what are you writing?
It's an essay about
dead religions
of ancient civilizations.
Wow.
I'm trying to get an
internship with the Smithsonian.
You get it all figured out, huh?
I just like to be prepared, I guess.
You know how it is.
No, not really.
I don't make plans past my next shift.
And you're happy living like that?
I am.
Right now.
Is there anything else I can get for you?
Just keep the coffee coming.
You got it.
[SPOOKY CHORUS MUSIC]
[SIZZLING]
[RUMBLING]
[DISHES CLANKING]
[ELECTRICAL BUZZING]
[RUMBLING]
[MANIACAL WAFFLE
MAKER LAUGHTER]
Hey, Frank.
What do you want?
You got to get an
electrician out here.
Lights are going all wonky.
Oh, look, it's Tony Edison
my lighting expert.
What, did go to
some bright lights,
big city college or something?
No, I don't think you did.
So let me decide what
gets fixed around here.
And you've got plenty to do
so just run along.
[ELECTRICAL BUZZING]
Oh, Christ, even
the lights are out to get me.
I'll have my cousin come tomorrow.
Bang on the breaker box, OK?
For now, just go tell him it's
Halloween mood lighting, OK?
Yeah! They should actually
be paying extra for it.
Halloween ambiance. You got it.
You're my favorite.
FRANK: What the hell are you up to?
Carlos, I don't pay you to--
[GIGGLES AND IDLE CHATTER]
[GROWLS]
FRANK: For the love of God...
What the hell is going on in here?
I got us some free labor.
[GRUNTS]
FRANK: Free labor? These are freaking WAFFLES!
Exactly.
Come here.
I want to show you something.
Nah, I think I'm going to go back to my--
No, no, no, no, no, no, Frank.
I think you're really
really gonna like this.
Carlos, you are freaking me--
[GRUNTING]
[GRUNTING]
DEMONIC VOICE: Hungry?
Come on down to Frank's
House of Waffles!
Bring the mistress...
the whole family!
Whatever you do, bring money.
ALL YOUR MONEY
Frank's House of Waffles!
There's one on your block.
What the hell was that?
It's the future, Frank.
Our future.
The future?
But I had hair...
Yes.
The waffles, they're going
to show us the way.
No, no, no, no, no.
This is too crazy, man.
I'm going to bow out.
Come on.
What do you say?
Boss?
[GLEEFUL WAFFLE CHEERS]
[LAUGHTER]
[SNARLING]
Yes.
Yes, that's right.
So we are cash only, but we also
do accept
cashier's checks and Diner's Club.
[DOOR CHIME]
Get a load of this shit hole.
I don't care.
I'm starving.
Let's sit over there.
Boys?
Hm?
Let's go.
I'm sorry.
I need to put you on hold for one sec.
Hey, hey.
Hi, guys.
Actually, this area is closed.
What about the librarian?
Librarian?
She's not a librarian.
Librarians are sexy.
[CLINK]
Oh, I'm sorry.
You can't smoke in here.
What do you mean I can't smoke in here?
That's sexist.
Because you have not told
these smoking ladies
they can't be in here.
[STAMMERING]
I'm just messing with you.
[LAUGHING]
JAY: Thanks?
I'll go get you some menus.
No need.
I know what I want.
I want a hamburger with everything on it.
And onion rings and french fries.
And a milkshake.
What? It's not like I'm going to keep it down.
Do you have a wedge salad?
Not on the menu.
But Carlos can make you one, like--
OK, yeah. I'll take one.
Oh, and a milkshake.
Ooh, milkshake twins.
And I will have the egg platter
with some extra sausage.
[LAUGHING]
Nice.
All right. And for you?
Chicken?
Chicken what?
A whole chicken.
Rotisserie style.
JAY: OK.
I'll be right back with those drinks.
[LAUGHING]
[CHATTERING OBNOXIOUSLY]
Hey, can you please keep it down?
I'm sorry. Are we bothering you?
Yes!
I'm working here.
It's Halloween. Live a little.
Live a little? I'm working on a very
important essay for a very important
internship that could determine
my entire future.
You wouldn't understand.
Internship?
You're not in grad school yet?
[SNICKERING]
No.
You're in grad school?
No.
We're PhDs.
Except for Nick here.
He's working on some interplanetary
propulsion system.
An actual rocket scientist?
[ROCKET SOUNDS]
Yeah, that's how I would describe
it to a grade schooler.
Look, if you're cracking this early,
maybe you should pack it up.
Give up already.
[LAUGHING]
Here.
Sorry about that.
Do you want me to find you another spot?
No, I just need to face the fact
that the universe is out
to get me and my entire life is doomed.
Well, that's a little extreme,
don't you think?
I've been working on this essay all day
and this is what I've got.
"Throughout my academic journey, I
have strived for excellence."
And that's a great start.
I mean, anybody would be a
fool not to hire you.
Thanks for trying to help, but I'm
just not cut out for this.
Wait, hold on.
If you're looking for some
peace and quiet,
I think I have the perfect spot.
Just give me a few minutes
and I'll show you.
Dude!
Whoa!
Yo, Chief!
Where in the hell is my food, man?
It'll just be a few more minutes.
It'll be well worth the wait.
Well, damn well better be.
Carlos?
Hey, amigo.
Make that order to go.
Mount Vesuvius is about to explode,
if you know what I mean?
Carlos, how much longer?
I got eggs, bacon, I'm waiting--
Don't forget the cherry pie.
Oh, and slice o' cherry pie for the lady.
A slice?
I ain't worth the whole damn pie?
Oh damn--
Whole damn pie, por favor.
You got it.
[CREEPY SQUEALING]
You're worth a whole damn pie.
That's my bad.
Thank you, thank you.
Now you might get the whole damn thing.
TRUCKER: [CHUCKLES] Well now...
Here you go.
Grassy ass, amigo.
After you, madame.
My damn!
Carlos, I'm taking my five.
You live here?
With my brother, Carlos, yeah.
I can't put you out like that.
No, no, no.
I've got like six hours left on my shift.
You can use it while I'm working.
No one will bother you, trust me.
[RICKETY DOOR OPENING]
[DOOR SHUTS]
Welcome to my humble abode.
Is something burning?
Oh, Carlos must have forgotten
about his toast.
Well, it's cozy.
Yeah.
I mean, it's got everything you could need.
A desk, chairs, a couch that
pulls out into a bed
when you inevitably pass out
from exhaustion.
The American dream, am I right?
Sounds like my kind of place.
Beef stick?
We've got lots of beef sticks
if you're hungry.
Uh, coffee is all the sustenance
I need right now.
Well, if you change your mind.
SARAH: Woa.
Where'd you get this cross?
That?
That? My abuela gave it to
us before we left.
It's a collector's item.
You could probably get a lot
of money for it.
Really?
No, I-- I couldn't.
My abuela gave it to us.
She said that it would protect us
from the demons that live among us.
She was always saying stuff like that.
She said God or religion or whatever,
that was our compass.
Whichever direction of points we follow.
I should
probably get back to work.
Right, me too.
Just make yourself at home.
And I'll be back in a bit with
another pot of coffee.
Thanks, Jay.
[FOOT TAPPING]
[PATTERING]
Sonsabitches, where the hell...?
Welp, hello, Yelp review.
All right, bad service, crappy
food, stupid waiter.
Yup.
Come out, come out, wherever you are.
Come on.
Where'd you go?
Grow, grow.
Come on, you just grow a little bit.
Come on.
[INDISTINCT WAFFLE CHATTER]
Ho, ho, ho, where in the hell is my food?
[INDISTINCT WAFFLE CHATTER]
What the hell is going on?!
[SPLATTING AND SQUISHING]
Oh, now what the hell is it?
[WAFFLES MUNCHING]
Carlos, what the hell?
Carlos, what the hell's going
on around here?
Just a minor issue with a rude customer.
A minor issue? A minor issue?
[SCREAMS]
There's a dead customer in my kitchen.
The city would shut me down in
a second over this.
What are you doing?
CARLOS: They would say nothing
because we would rip
out their throats.
Carlos, my waffle vision said I
was getting a franchise.
It said nothing about killing
my customers.
Just get rid of the body and
no one will know.
Me? I got a bad back.
You killed him.
You move him!
We're busy preparing the feast.
Fine.
Do it like you do everything
else around here.
Oh, Jesus.
[JUICY BODY
SOUNDS]
[DRY HEAVING]
Oh, my God.
Oh, boy.
All right, sir.
What can I get for ya?
Could I do the house burger?
Medium, please?
Stack of pancakes.
Just a house burger.
Waffles.
A cecada milkshake.
And a soda to wash it down.
Stack of pancakes.
Do you want to split some grits?
Totally.
And a chicken burger.
[WAFFLE GRUNTING]
I'm not seeing them, but...
potato skins. Make it happen.
Just give me some nachos.
Just fry a tortilla,
crunch that shit,
and just drown it in cheese.
[SPEAKS IN MIME]
Largest stack of pancakes I can get.
"Eggs Your Way"... sunny side up.
Salmonella be damned!
and a Roy Rogers.
[WAFFLE MONSTER
SQUEALS]
Thanks, Carlos.
[PLUNK]
[THUD]
Is that an extra big stack
of pancakes or what?
Grits??
Pancakes, enjoy.
[CLINK]
Grits! Grits! Grits!
I'm gonna check in on
that shake.
I haven't forgotten,
alright?
Potato skins.
Let's get that milkshake up too, OK?
I'm testing you. Just testing you!
I gotcha.
Grits.
That's what I'm talking about, Carlos.
Ugh....
[BODY DRAGGING SOUNDS]
Oh my God...
[GRUNTING]
[DRY HEAVING]
Oh god. Oh my god.
[GRUNTING]
[THUMP]
[CLATTER]
[WRETCHING]
[WRETCHING]
[FARTS]
Oh shit.
Oh my God that sucks.
[DOOR CLICKING]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
[SQUEAKING]
[SCREAMING]
[ANNOYED SQUEAKING]
[DOOR CHIME]
Jay!
Hey Sarah, what's up?
[STAMMERING] You-- in the
dumps-- there was a body--
There was a body. There was a body!
JAY: Whoa, whoa, hey, slow down.
What's going on?
You have to come with me.
OK, just give me a second to
drop off these plates,
and then you can tell me what's
going on, OK?
Here you go.
Burger, salad...
Here's the fries...
Yeah. Enjoy.
All right.
JAY: Alright... Hey!
OK, calm down and tell me what happened.
There was a guy, and he threw a
body into the dumpster.
What guy?
I don't know.
I couldn't really get a good look, but
he kind of looked like your boss.
Frank?
You think Frank dumped a body out back?
It's not funny.
Look, Sarah, if Frank needed to dump
a body, he'd make me do it.
I know what I saw, Jay.
I would have gotten a closer look,
but there was a raccoon.
Hey, I believe you, OK?
But listen, you're stressed.
You've been drinking a lot of coffee
on an empty stomach.
Maybe there's a simple explanation.
Here, why don't you take a seat
and eat something?
I'm not hungry.
Well, here.
Have a few fries.
Get something in your stomach.
I'll go get a broom, chase
off Kevin, and then
we'll go see what's in the
dumpster together.
Sound like a plan?
Kevin?
Call the raccoon Kevin?
We have a history.
Just hang tight, and I'll be right back.
[FRIES CRINKLING]
[GROSS CHEWING SOUNDS]
[GROSS SLURPING SOUNDS]
[GROSS CHEWING SOUNDS]
You guys are disgusting.
It's just really good.
[BELCHING]
Dude, gross. I can smell that
from over here.
I don't even know what end
that came out of.
I think I'm gonna be sick.
[CHAIR SCRAPING
ON FLOOR]
Ugh, it still smells.
I'm gonna go have a smoke.
Are you gonna eat
those sausages, bro?
Don't you dare.
Whatever.
DRACULA: Babe, stop looking
at me like that.
[WRETCHING]
[COUGHING]
[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS]
[PANCAKE SQUEALING]
Wooh! Oh, yeah.
Oh, baby, I'm going over the top.
Mmm... this is hitting the spot.
Mmm hmmm
Ooh, You're the
best I ever had!
Come on, stud,
you can do it.
Ooh, I'm getting close.
I'm getting close!
[SQUISHING]
There you go. There you go, honey.
That's the ticket.
[CHOKING SOUNDS]
ROXY: Yeah, come on now.
I told you not to make a mess!
Honey, something's wrong with your jizz.
Oh, hell no!
I told you the kinky stuff is extra.
[GROANS]
[PEE SPLATTERING]
[TRUCK ENGINE STARTING]
[ENGINE REVING]
Hit the road,
you flapjack monster!
Help! Somebody help me!
Hang on one second.
[SAUSAGE SQUEALS]
What the shit?
[SCREAMS]
[THUMPS, SQUISHES]
[SCREAMING]
[GASPING]
[CRUNCHING]
[COUGHING]
Ugh, gross.
[PORCELAIN SLIDING]
[SCREAMS]
[CHOMPING SOUNDS]
[TOILET FLUSHING]
[BURP]
[MANIACAL TOILET LAUGHTER]
Ahhh!
What the hell?
[RUSTLING]
[SCREAMS]
Jay!
Sarah, are you all right?
The fries are alive!
The fries? They're alive!
That's what I just said. Do something.
Uh...
Jay?
[SCREAMING AND VIOLENCE]
Shit!
Ahh! Ahhh!
[CHOMPING]
The food...
it's out for revenge!
[SCREAMING]
[CHOKING SOUNDS]
[CRASHING]
[SQUEALING]
JAY: [WINCES]
Are you hurt?
I'm fine.
I just gotta get this place cleaned
up before the breakfast rush.
I think there's more important things
to focus on right now.
[SCREAMING]
DRACULA: Hey, bro?
Would you mind doing
something about this?
[SQUEAKY SQUEALING]
Nick! Help me!
Babe, you know I'm a feminist.
You got this.
You pussy!
[WAFFLES GIGGLING
MANIACALLY]
[THUMP]
[SQUEAKY SQUEALING]
Fork you, pancake freak!
[SCREAMS]
[CRYING]
[WAFFLES CHOMPING]
[WAFFLES CHOMPING]
I'm sorry I ate your friend, man.
It's not my fault he was delicious!
[SQUISHING]
Ahh! Babe! Help me!
You got it, babe. You're fine.
[INDISTINCT CURSING]
[CRUNCHING]
[LETTUCE CRUNCHING
AND CRINKLING]
[ROARING]
[SCREAMING]
Stop stop! I'm sorry!
I swear I'll start eating meat!
Oh, no! No!
[CHOMPING SOUNDS]
FRANK: No, no, no!
No, no, no!
That's not it!
[SCREAMING]
Goddamn animals!
[SCREAMING]
Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no!
Carlos! Carlos! Carlos, word!
Carlos, quick question.
What the hell's going on out there?
There's food eating my customers.
They haven't even paid yet!
Great success requires great
sacrifices, Frank.
It's all a part of the plan.
Okay, but let's not forget who's
running this joint, right?
I mean, I still get the franchises,
the beautiful women.
The gorgeous head of hair, right?
Yes, of course.
A captain oversees the ship.
He doesn't shovel the coal.
Right.
-All of this is for
your success, Frank.
You just have to trust the process.
Trust the process. Right. Okay.
Okay. Trust the process.
Right. Okay.
Say it again!
Just gotta trust the process.
You're freaking me out.
[SCREAMING]
We need to get out of here.
Well, we're not going anywhere with
that egg watching us.
I'll take care of it.
For your protection.
Thanks. I feel so much safer.
Hey, just be careful. Okay?
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
[SQUISHING AND GURGLING]
Ugh. Jesus.
Now's our shot.
[WAFFLE GIGGLES]
[SCREAMING]
Ah!
JAY: Be careful!
Come on!
[CLANG OF POWER
BEING CUT]
[SQEAUKING]
[SQEAUKING]
[SAUSAGES SQUEAKING]
[MONSTROUS YELLING]
JAY: Run, now go go go!
[SCREAMING]
[SAUSAGE TENTACLES BUZZING]
[LIGHTER FLICKING]
[HOWLS IN PAIN]
Order up!
[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]
[DOOR SHUTS]
[PLOP]
[GRUNTING]
What now?
We call for help.
No dial tone.
Do you have your phone?
It's in the trailer. Yours?
Behind the counter.
Come on, Carlos. Where are you?
Jesus, they've all turned.
Wait, look, there he is.
Oh, oh, thank God.
What is wrong with that thing?
Of course! The waffle maker?
That monstrosity's forked tongue
has my brother's ear.
Well, how do we stop it?
I don't know.
It didn't come with an instruction
manual.
Also didn't come with a tongue.
That's new.
SARAH: Look at this.
It's the invoice.
This can't be right.
It says here that the waffle
maker has been present
for some of the greatest disasters
in history.
September 11th, 2001.
It was in the South Tower.
1986, it was at the Chernobyl
Nuclear Power Plant.
The Space Shuttle Challenger's
final launch.
The Hindenburg, the Great Molasses
Flood of 1919.
That can't be.
And look at this.
JAY: Yeah, it's got some old
funky logo on it.
No, that's not a logo.That's a marking
from an ancient South American cult.
They used to do blood sacrifices
to summon forth ancient deities.
Blood sacrifices?
I started all this.
My blood must have activated
the waffle maker.
Carlos was right. I should have left
it the hell alone.
That doesn't look good.
What the hell are they doing?
I don't like the looks of that.
Well, that's just great.
And just when this day was getting good,
now we're gonna die in here.
Hey, dying in a shitty diner
is not a part of my 20-year plan.
We're gonna get through this.
Or not, but we'll do it together.
Yeah, we will.
[KNOCKING] FRANK: Hey,
who's in there?
Holy shit, it's Frank.
He's alive!
Uh, do you think that's a good idea?
We can't just leave him out there.
We can't?
I mean, I saw him dump a body in
the dumpster. We can't trust him.
You think you saw.
Do you know how many people are unwilling
to help immigrants?
Frank took us in, gave us jobs,
and a life here.
I'm telling you, he's a good guy.
We can trust him.
Frank!
Oh, thanks for letting me in.
-Are you alright?
Yeah, you saved my life.
Oh, not interrupting anything, am I?
How did you get past them?
Those freaks aren't interested in me.
They're too busy screwing around
in my kitchen.
Check out this mess!
They're cooking something big in there.
Yeah, all my food!
Hey, wait, wait.
Front door's wide open.
All we gotta do is just make our way
through the dining room.
I don't know, something feels
off about this.
Hey, Red, what are you trying to say?
Hey, hey, hey.
We need to trust each other
and work together.
Frank wouldn't steer us wrong.
He'll get us out of here alive.
We can trust him.
Fine.
Thanks, Jay.
That means a lot.
I know I give you a lot of shit,
but you really have my favorite.
Let's do this thing.
[FRANK LAUGHING]
We can trust him?
Damn it, Frank!
I vouched for you.
You just made me look like
a complete asshole.
We're talking franchises, Jay, okay?
No hard feelings.
Carlos, it's me.
You don't have to do this, man.
Come on.
You can stop this right now.
-Stop?
I have no intentions of stopping
anything, little brother.
You're about to witness a
significant moment
in the history of mankind.
This is a new age.
A world where anything is possible.
Fame, fortune, success beyond your
wildest imagination.
And I can make your dreams come true.
Behold, the key to our success.
No thanks.
-Yeah, I'm good.
What are you afraid of, Jay?
The waffle maker has been
amongst us for ages,
guiding us pathetic humans to greatness.
All we have to do is embrace its power.
Oh my God, I'm gonna throw up.
-Ugh, Jesus!
[TOASTER POPPING UP]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
Sarah, Sarah, wake up.
Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, wake up.
What happened?
Why are we back here?
I had everything I'd worked for.
It wasn't real.
It was all a lie.
It's just showing you what
you want to see.
What do you mean it's not real?
Don't you listen to them.
Everywhere this thing has been,
disaster has followed.
We need to stop this right now-
Silence!
You ungrateful fools.
I wanted to share this gift
with you willingly.
No matter.
You will join me one way or another.
No, get that away from me.
We're not eating that.
Of course not.
This food eats you.
[EVIL FOOD SQUEALS]
[JOYFUL WHISTLING]
[ELECTRONIC BUZZING]
Yo!
Frank?
[BELL RINGING]
FRAIDY: Hey Frank?
No no, Carlos, Carlos...
Pretty sure you eat a cop
more are gonna show.
Then we'll eat them too.
Okay, okay, okay.
It's an option,
Just give me five minutes.
If I can't get him out of
here, eat him up.
Frank!
Five minutes.
You better hurry.
-Yeah.
Oh, and these two.
Get them in the storeroom.
[BELL RINGING]
Officer Fraidy, I should have
known you'd be back.
What's going on?
Oh, nothing just came back to...
You guys getting awfully festive
in here, huh?
Well, Halloween.
Yeah, it's like a haunted house.
A haunted house of pancakes!
(laughing) Nothing gets past you.
You should be Detective Fraidy.
-Oh, thank you.
So what can I get for you?
Oh, jeez.
I don't know.
Oh, what the...
Say Frank...
[GOOEY DRIPPING]
This is pretty life-like.
-Yeah
There's some weight to this.
Yeah, we go all out.
It's like I'm in a horror movie.
You don't know the half of it.
[DOOR CLANKING]
What do we do now?
Jay, you don't understand.
I'd finally stand above all the
other competition.
I have access to a living artifact.
There's so much I can learn
from it, not--
Sarah, it's a homicidal waffle maker
that's possessed my brother and
all our best customers.
Whatever it's offering,
you don't want it.
What makes you think it was a lie?
What it showed me, it was all just...
It was all just too perfect.
I mean, some version of my wildest
dreams, sure, but...
Something was missing.
What?
You weren't there.
You noticed I wasn't there?
Yeah.
I mean, I always dreamed
of this, you know?
Of being attacked by demonic diner food?
-No, not that part.
Of being alone somewhere, anywhere,
just with you.
And what?
What did we do?
FRANK: So what do you feel like?
Uh, God, jeez....
Um, let's see here.
[DRIPPING]
You ever think about simplifying
this menu, Frank?
There's so many options.
Oh, yeah, yeah, we're gonna do something.
He's seen too much.
We can't let him leave here alive.
He's a friggin' moron, trust me.
Just give me a second, we
got this covered.
So you made up your mind there, officer?
I don't know, I'm...
I'm overwhelmed.
How about some of those waffles?
-No!
We're just tweaking the batter now.
It's got a little bite to it,
if you know what I mean.
Oh, okay.
I'll tell you what, how about a
fresh baked cherry pie?
Yeah, a cherry pie?
I'll take a slice, that sounds good.
-No, get him the whole pie.
CARLOS: Here, let me box
that up for you.
Now, he knows how to treat a customer.
Oh, I'll tell you, he's something.
All right, one cherry pie for
the good officer.
Yeah, welll the shows going on
in a few minutes.
Oh, okay, okay.
Come back for tomorrow's show, though.
I mean, that guy--
-Yeah, he's...
Oh, they put on a heck of a show.
Are you sure?
Frank, is everything okay?
We're great, why don't you just
have a great night?
Be safe out there.
I appreciate the pie.
Oh, anytime. Any time!
Oh my God, Carlos, that was close.
What the hell is going on around here?
We need to get back to work.
The feast is upon us.
Oh yeah, yeah, wouldn't wanna
miss the feast.
All right, the feast.
Carlos, come on, man, what the hell
is going on around here?
[KEVIN SQUEAKING]
God damn it, Kevin, scram!
JAY: The window!
Oh my God--
You can escape through there.
[SCREECHING AND GRINDING]
You will never fit.
No, but you can.
Go.
I can't leave you here.
I'll find some other way out of here.
Just get to safety, okay,
and get some help.
Come on.
SARAH: Ah!
Sarah, are you okay?
I'll be fine.
Hey, Jay?
Yeah?
Don't die on me.
I'll try not to.
Now go.
Now think, Jay, come on,
come on, come on.
Think of something...
[THUDS]
[CLATTER OF LOCK BREAKING]
[SHOULDER TAPS]
[SLAM]
Die!
[SLAM]
[SLAM]
[SQUISH]
[THUMP]
[GRUNTING]
[SPOOKY WHISPERING]
[SIZZLING]
[SPOOKY WHISPERING]
[ROARING]
[THUD]
[TINITUS SOUND]
[CLANK]
[HEAVY FOOTSTEPS]
I wasn't even supposed to work today.
[SCREECHING]
Officer, officer! Oh thank God.
Jesus! Little Miss Antifa.
What are you getting yourself
killed out here
jumping in front of cars?
Please, you have to help me.
My friend is trapped in the diner
with those monsters.
So now you care about the role
of a police officer?
You don't understand.
The waffle maker has been possessed
by an ancient cult
that is trying to take over the world.
You have to help us stop it.
Okay, I, uh...
I think I see what's going on here.
You do?
-I do.
You're on that reefer, aren't you?
What?
Look, young lady, it's Halloween.
Everyone's in a costume tonight.
They're just costumes.
They're gross, very, very scary-looking,
lifelike at times...
and so much blood.
Fake blood.
Those aren't costumes.
Those are demons that have
taken over the diner.
Please, we need your help.
Please, demons?
Now, if they were demons, would
they give me a pie?
What pie?
This pie.
No, don't!
-Yeah, I was gonna have a slice.
[PIE GROWLING]
Whoa! Jesus!
[CRUNCHING]
Idiot!
[CRUNCHING]
[GRUNTING]
[TAZER BUZZING]
[SQUEALING]
[PIE SPLAT]
I'll get a salad next time.
Yeah, yeah, that's a good...
That's a good idea.
Well...
[SHOTGUN COCKS]
Come get some, you demon jerks.
Hello?
Jay?
[GRUNTING]
[THUD]
Jay!
Sarah, you came back for me.
Of course I did.
that was a very bad idea.
[HEAVY FOOTSTEPS]
Holy shit.
[HEAVY FOOTSTEPS]
Shoot it!
[HEAVY FOOTSTEPS]
[GUN CLATTERING]
[SNARLING]
I knew it.
I knew something was going on in here...
Holy shit.
All right, everybody just
calm down, okay?
What's going on?
You, the one who gave me the pie?
Attack.
All right, everyone stop.
Everyone just stop.
Stop where you're--get back!
[GUNSHOTS]
Get back!
[GUN CLICKS] No, hang on, wait.
No, you guys, come on, we can
talk about this.
No, you guys--no, seriously, stop! Stop!
Stop!
[FRANTIC SCREAMING]
[CHEWING]
[GURGLING]
[CLINK]
Still hungry, Master?
JAY: Now what?
We could make a run for it.
Maybe you can.
SARAH: Ouch
I'm not going anywhere.
There's gotta be a way.
[CHEWING]
The merciless waffle maker's feast
shall not end until all bow or
are consumed.
Come out, come out, little brother.
Oh, oh no. No, no, no, no, no.
That's way too off-brand to franchise.
No way, no way.
I'm not losing my ass on this deal.
I am out.
Out!
Yaaah!
Shit!
[PORCELAIN SLIDING]
Oh, shit!
[CHOMPING]
[CHOMPING]
This wasn't part of the deal!
[HEAVY FOOTSTEPS]
Sarah: Looking for me?
[SHOTGUN COCKS]
Go back to hell, waffle fucker.
[GUNSHOT]
[GRUNTS]
[STUMBLING AND CRASHING]
[GRUNTS]
[SHOTGUN COCKS]
[GUNSHOT]
[SHOTGUN COCKS]
[GUNSHOT]
Let's see if that PhD can help
you dodge a bullet.
[SHOTGUN COCKS]
[CLICKS]
Shit.
[LEAVES RUSTLING]
[EVIL GIGGLING]
Shut up!
[SQUISH]
[SQUEALS IN PAIN]
Bitch!
[THUMP]
[GASPING]
Jay!
Sarah!
We need to go now.
Okay. Okay. Okay.
[GASPING]
You really think you can stop us, Jay?
Stop the hell
that's about to be released on the world.
You're a screw-up.
You always have been.
And you're gonna die here,
worthless and alone.
A failure in life.
And unable to tell the girl
you liked how you truly felt
Until it was too late.
You're right, Carlos.
I am a failure.
And at least I go out with a bang.
[CLINK]
[CLINK]
[LIGHTER FLICKS]
[FIRE CRACKLING]
[HOWLS IN PAIN]
Go!
No, I can't. I can't leave him.
You go.
Not this time.
We're sticking together.
Okay.
Hold on, Carlos, hold on!
[FIRE CRACKLING]
Carlos: Ah!
-Come on. Come on.
JAY: Come on!
Come on!
[COUGHING]
Come on. Let's go. That was close.
You think?
Why is the diner on fire?
Jay! Jay, why's the diner on fire?!
Carlos, relax! We're so close. Come on.
[FOOTSTEPS]
[GASPING]
You are sure we can trust him?
I know Carlos.
He was being controlled by
that waffle maker,
but that thing's toast now.
The last time you vouched for--
That was Frank. This is my brother.
CARLOS: I--I remember now.
That thing--it was possessing me.
It all felt like a dream.
Oh. We need to go. Now.
Okay?
We can't leave.
[WRAPPER CRINLING]
[CHOKING]
Carlos! Carlos! Stop!
Let her go!
CARLOS: Why would I do that?
It's her fault that all this is happening.
Her fault
for coming between us.
Carlos!
[CHOKING]
You don't have to do this, okay?
You stand back, Jay.
Once she's out of the picture,
you'll fall in line, just
like you always do.
So you just stand there,
and you do what you do best.
Absolutely nothing.
Not this time.
[SLICING]
[GASPING]
[DRIPPING]
[SCREAMING]
JAY: Sarah.
Are you all right?
CARLOS: [CRYING]
You saved me.
Can I get some medical attention here?
Carlos, is that you?
Yes, it's me!
Oh, my God!
You cut off my hand!
My hand!
I had to.
That thing was making you crazy.
Really?
There wasn't anything else you could do?
CARLOS: I'm telling Abuelita.
Oh, my.
Here.
Cover that thing up.
Ow!
Oh!
The hand!
[SCUTTLING]
[THWAK]
[SQUEALS IN PAIN]
Sarah: Stay dead already!
[HAND WHEEZING]
Oh, my God!
I'm sorry.
You're sorry?!
What are we gonna do now?
I think I earned a night off.
Let's get the hell out of here.
CARLOS: Yeah.
This sounds like a great idea.
You ready?
[ENGINE STARTING]
[MUSIC PLAYS]
Another local business has burned
the ground in Shady Grove.
Could this be arson?
23 people are missing and presumed dead,
including Brady Bossard, Linda
Trujillo, Vincenzo--
STEVEN: Come on now.
Are you really gonna read all
those names again?
Steven, these people matter.
How about you show a little respect?
Jay Johnson, Jodi Shan, Luis
C. Gallegos, Renice Gallegos
Sam Lacostro, Melisa
Klei, Melvin Marsh
Chris Ness, Sebastian Dizon, Linda
Laffser, Mike Laffser.
[SCREAMING]
[CRASHING]
[WAFFLES GIGGLING]
[FIRE CRACKLING]
[MANIACAL WAFFLE MAKER
LAUGHTER]
[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[DOOR CHIME]
What the hell happened in here?
[RADIO CHATTER]
Oh, shit!
You must just destroy it.
I'm going to get you some help, buddy.
Just hold--
No! Send it-- [COUGHING]
Send it back....
to hell!
[NEON SIGN BUZZING]
TV NEWSCASTER: Tragedy has struck the small
town of Shady Grove...
FRANK: Ooh, a rare vintage waffle maker...
TV NEWSCASTER: when The Waffle Emporium
burst into flames...
TV NEWSCASTER: Over 20 customers and
employees lost their lives in the fire.
FRANK: Tragic fire...
20 dead... yada yada yada....
Ah, here we go.
[HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING]
Yes! It's here!
JAY: Sorry I couldn't answer your
calls earlier, Abuelita
I was busy at the diner.
ABUELITA: You work too much, mijo.
Yeah, well, succeeding in the
restaurant business isn't easy.
And Carlos and I are both
making good money.
We've got a real future here.
We appreciate the money you
and your brother
are sending back home.
But you can't neglect your happiness.
I know.
You need to have some fun, too, Jay.
It's not good to work all the time.
Go meet a nice woman... or a man...
I'm fine. I've got Carlos!
Your brother can't do everything for you.
Sorry, Abuelita.
I need to put out a fire.
[SIZZLING, CRAKLING]
[CLAPPING]
Bravo.
You know, you can answer her calls
once in a while, too.
I think you need it more than
I do, little brother.
What's that supposed to mean?
What have I told you about getting
in my kitchen?
Man, come on.
Do you want me to make you something?
Just because you work in
a kitchen all day
doesn't make you a world-class chef, OK?
I can feed myself.
Spending so much
time in that kitchen
has really taught me the subtle
differences between cooking food
and burning it.
Ooh, please teach me your mystical ways
master of all food!
CARLOS: Someone's a little touchy tonight.
CARLOS: You know, you really ought to ask
Frank for a night off sometime.
Yeah?
This place would fall apart without me.
Oh, come on. We'll survive.
Besides, you heard, Abuelita.
You need to get out there, man.
Go to parties, meet that special someone...
Unless a special someone is Frank.
Very funny.
Besides, I already told Frank
I'd cover Agnes' shift.
One of her cats is sick again.
One of her cats is sick again.
See? Even the crazy cat lady has her
priorities in check.
You know, we came to America
for a better life, Jay.
Not to be indentured servants
to some tiny tyrant.
Look, Frank's not that bad.
Last week, I caught him with his
fat fist in our tip jar.
Look, we've got our own place, some
money in our pockets.
What more do you want?
FRANK: Get your asses out here!
You and your handsome brother!
Let's go!
Ah, Shithead number one. I can see you.
Come on, let's go!
This thing is heavier than
it looks, Frank.
You want to give me a hand with this?
With my bad back you should
be grateful I got the door.
Carlos, Carlos! I swear if you drop that thing
it's coming out of your paycheck.
You still owe us for last week.
YOU owe me your explanation on
the missing burgers.
It's the raccoon, Frank.
Oh, it's the raccoons again.
CARLOS: Yeah, and it's getting into that broken
window in the storeroom.
It's true, Frank. I've seen him.
Shut up! I've got customers here.
What's wrong with you two morons?
You're both morons.
Christ sakes, I got to do everything
around here.
Sorry about that.
Hey, kid!
FRANK: Paying customers only!
Don't tell anybody.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy, easy...
FRANK: Oh, wow.
That is a thing of beauty.
It's just a waffle maker, Frank.
Oh, that's much more than a waffle
maker, my friend.
That's a message to the world.
FRANK: This is our future right here.
Frank's Pancake House? Dead and buried.
Now it's Frank's Waffle House.
Isn't there a waffle place
down the street?
You didn't hear?
That place burned to the ground
a few weeks back.
Police still don't even know how it happened,
but it killed everyone inside.
Oh my god.
I know. Can you believe our luck?
With Waffle Emporium gone, a local
waffle vacuum has been created in town
And guess who's going to fill it?
A waffle vacuum?
Like a power vacuum only with waffles.
No? Nothin?
You're both morons.
We're the only waffle game in town now.
So let's make it official.
Jay, go hang a sign.
Tell everybody waffles are on the menu.
And my favorite.
Get to cooking.
I'll be waiting for the first
customers to come in.
(Singing) Dadadada waffles....
Frank?
FRANK: What?
This thing doesn't even work.
Oh, no, no, no...
Listen, I paid a lot of money
for that thing.
You make it work.
I'm not about to lose my
ass on this deal.
(mumbling) Make it work, make it work....
FRANK: And I can hear you.
[LOUD PARTY MUSIC PLAYING]
It's not that hard, Sarah.
You can do this.
You just need to write something.
Something that will convince them
that you're better and more deserving
than all the other applicants.
And it's due tomorrow.
No problem. I got this.
I totally got this.
[DOOR OPENING]
Hey!
What the hell?!
Hey, Roxie.
ROXY: Hi.
How's business tonight?
Everyone out here dressing like a hoe.
Kind of making it hard for
me to do my thing.
Not the prospects in here any better.
Ooh, is that big handsome brother
of yours in the back?
Carlos is tied up in the
kitchen all night.
Oh, shame.
I've been wanted to give him a go,
if you know what I mean.
What about you?
You want to be tied up in the back room?
Uhhh... no.
I don't have the time.
Well, you don't have time for
a girlfriend either.
Don't think I haven't been watching you.
You remind me of my abuelita.
Ouch!
No.
Not like that.
She's just obsessed with me finding
a special someone.
Well, if you're looking for
a special someone
on an hourly basis...
I think I could squeeze you in.
That's a very generous offer, Roxie.
I know it is.
But I also don't have the money.
Welp, that's the rub now,
ain't it, honey? [LAUGHS]
[DOOR CHIME]
Excuse me.
Coffee?
Sorry, what?
Black coffee, right?
Uh, yeah. Thanks.
I wasn't expecting you here tonight.
You know, with it being
Halloween and all.
Oh, right.
Yeah, that explains a lot.
Can I get you a menu?
No, just keep the coffee coming.
It's going to be a long night.
JAY: OK, well, if you need anything,
anything at all,
just let me know.
[KEYBOARD CLICKS]
Guess I'll leave you to it.
Good one, Jay.
[DOOR CHIME]
JAY: Officer Fraidy, how's it going?
Oh, it's going.
A lot of ghouls and goblins out tonight.
But you know, I don't mind it.
It's all part of the job, right?
[LAUGHTER]
Hey, Jay.
Go help your useless brother.
I'll see what I can do.
You do that.
How are you tonight, officer?
Not bad, Frank. How you doin?
Not bad, not bad.
Why are you even bothering
with this thing?
Like Frank said, these waffles are gonna
to turn our restaurant around.
Our restaurant?
You know Frank's not big on sharing.
Do you even know what you're doing?
Not a clue.
Oh, that's right.
The guys I paid to dick around.
Look, I need fries and a burger, well
done, for the good officer out there.
Let's go. Chop chop!
Yep, on it.
Whoa, hey, hey, come check this out.
Carlos: What?
It's got this weird old logo on it.
It's an old machine.
Brand logos were weird back then.
What do you think it means?
Who cares, man?
Just leave it alone.
You know, you're wasting your time
trying to impress Frank when
you should be trying to impress that
cute girl out there.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Come on.
Just go talk to her.
Hey, women love a confident man.
That's easy for you to say.
You look like some Latin bronzed
action figure.
And you know your way around the kitchen.
That's like catnip to women.
What am I going to do?
Burn her toast?
Well, she might like burnt toast.
But you're never gonna know
unless you go talk to her.
Ah, shit!
[SIZZLING]
Frank's really going to appreciate
you bleeding all over his kitchen.
God damn it.
JAY: I can't look.
CARLOS: Just hold still, man.
Oh, I'm feeling lightheaded.
Just keep your stomach down until
you're out of my kitchen, OK?
[HEAVY BREATHING]
There.
Done.
Hey, look.
I think I fixed it.
You didn't even do anything.
That sizzling says otherwise.
It's hot!
See?
I told you, fixed.
I'll go tell Frank.
Hold on a second here, man.
Don't get ahead of yourself.
Let me clean your blood off of it
and I'll run a test batch
before you could give him the happy news.
Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
You do that.
[SLAM]
[SPOOKY WAFFLE MAKER SOUNDS]
Well, Frank
That hit the spot.
Glad to hear it.
You, uh, have yourself a good night now.
Yeah, you be careful out there.
You know I do.
That'll be $13.28.
Come again?
Well, you got the burger,
the fries, and the soda.
$13.28
You, um, you hearing this, Frank?
Jay, what the hell is wrong with you?
FRANK: I'm sorry, officer. He ain't got
his head on straight tonight
Food's on us.
Food's on us.
Yeah, well, maybe you should train
your employees better.
You know, if anything
were to happen here,
I'd be the first on the scene.
And for your own protection
I'd want to keep me properly fueled.
Oh, yeah, I promise.
Last time.
Right, Jay?
SARAH: You know, officer
that sounds like extortion.
Extor--
That's a big word coming
from a little girl.
I'm sorry, little girl?
Hey, how about a refill on that coffee?
So tell me
Y'all hear about the Waffle
Emporium that burned down last week?
Officer, please.
These kids don't watch the news.
Well you know I was
there that very night.
But the manager wasn't as
understanding as you, Frank.
See, he let me leave on an empty stomach.
[CHUCKLES] No respect.
That's right.
Well, by the time I got the call,
see, I had low blood sugar.
So naturally, I had to stop over
at the Dandy Donuts.
FRANK: Oh, Dandy Donuts!
I heard their Donuts are killer.
FRAIDY: They're great, Frank.
You get the one with the cream inside?
Well, by the time I got
to the Waffle Emporium,
see, it was more like a
Waffle No-more-eum.
It was a massacre.
Syrup everywhere.
Waffle batter splattered on
all the walls.
And the bodies...
And you're gonna
risk the lives of everyone in here
over the cost of a burger?
And a soda.
[SPLASH]
Oops.
How clumsy of me.
See what happens when I get flustered?
I can-- [SNIFFS]
I can still smell the...
burning waffles.
[FRANK ALSO SNIFFS]
Me too!
Son of a bitch, you got him going.
Alright, Carlos!
Frank, actually, I'm
the one who--
FRANK: I don't want to hear another
word out of you.
Alright you just apologize
to the good officer here
and you clean up that spill.
Sorry, officer.
That's a good boy.
Just don't let it happen again.
And Frank, we'll catch you later.
Check up on the place, huh?
FRANK: Looking forward to it.
And looking forward to
trying those waffles, huh?
Oh, anytime.
[DOOR CHIME]
That was horrible.
Why would you let them
treat you like that?
Sorry, I-- I need to get a mop.
[SPOOKY WAFFLE
MAKER WHISPERING]
Son of a bitch, you got it working!
Jay did.
[SNIFFS] Oh, you know
what that is?
That's the smell of money, my friend.
Good.
You can finally hire us
some more kitchen help.
Who needs more kitchen help
when I get a waffle making genius
like you, Carlos?
You know what I really need?
I need a massage chair for my back.
It's killing me.
Waffles are up, everybody.
Waffles are up!
[MANIACAL WAFFLE
MAKER LAUGHTER]
[SEXY MUSIC PLAYS]
[SLOPPY MOPPING SOUNDS]
[SEXY MUSIC CONTINUES]
Focus, Sarah.
What?
Nothing.
[SEXY MUSIC PLAYS
A LITTLE MORE]
[INDISTINCT GIGGLING]
Hello?
Alright!
Finally, Frank gets something
that works.
[SCURRYING]
What the--
[CLANK]
[INDISTINCGIGGLING]
Who's there?
Jay?
[CLANK]
[SCREAMING]
[YELLING]
[THUD]
[DOOR CHIME]
[FOOTSTEPS]
How's it going tonight, sir?
Hola, mi amigo.
Doing pretty good.
How about yourself?
Can't complain.
Well, I reckon you can't.
Much better than no Mehico, am I right?
Actually, I'm Guatemalan.
Well, hell, son.
It's all the same shit.
Yeah.
Same shit.
Well, my Guantanemo compadre
what's good in this el restauranto?
Can't go wrong with the burger and fries.
I bet you like to slip
some of those
jalapenos in there,
don't you?
I know how you folks
like your spicy foods.
It's just a burger and--
Listen, fella...
I got myself what they call
a delicate constitution.
So if you can bring me a
stack of simple pancakes, bacon,
and eggs.
And sunny side up
None of that juevos
rancherios stuff.
[JAY SIGHS]
[FOOTSTEPS]
Buy me a drink.
Well, what are you having?
Something tall and hard.
God damn, son.
Amigo, and a drink for the lady.
[SPOOKY BEAT PLAYS]
[FLESH SLICING OPEN]
[DRIPPING]
Orders up.
Pancake, eggs, bacon.
You can spit in it if you want to.
No, don't really do that.
Frank wouldn't like it.
[BURY OVER ONE BY AMEZING PLAYS
IN BACKGROUND]
I'm telling you, Carlos,
tonight is not my night.
I just looked like a complete
idiot in front of her.
I mean, seriously,
could tonight get any worse?
[SPOOKY BEAT PLAYS]
[MANIACAL WAFFLE
MAKER LAUGHTER]
You know, I got me a big rig
parked out there.
I could give you a ride.
I bet you could, big boy.
I like a man who
knows how to handle his rig.
Well, look no further.
TRUCKER: Oooh, look at
these hands.
Some sweet brown sugar.
Oh, you better eat it up, honey.
Oh you know I will.
TRUCKER: Ooh this is
nice and soft.
ROXY: Thank you. Thank you.
[PURRING NOISES]
You know, I get the impression you might
prefer a quiet booth
in the back corner.
Thanks.
So what are you writing?
It's an essay about
dead religions
of ancient civilizations.
Wow.
I'm trying to get an
internship with the Smithsonian.
You get it all figured out, huh?
I just like to be prepared, I guess.
You know how it is.
No, not really.
I don't make plans past my next shift.
And you're happy living like that?
I am.
Right now.
Is there anything else I can get for you?
Just keep the coffee coming.
You got it.
[SPOOKY CHORUS MUSIC]
[SIZZLING]
[RUMBLING]
[DISHES CLANKING]
[ELECTRICAL BUZZING]
[RUMBLING]
[MANIACAL WAFFLE
MAKER LAUGHTER]
Hey, Frank.
What do you want?
You got to get an
electrician out here.
Lights are going all wonky.
Oh, look, it's Tony Edison
my lighting expert.
What, did go to
some bright lights,
big city college or something?
No, I don't think you did.
So let me decide what
gets fixed around here.
And you've got plenty to do
so just run along.
[ELECTRICAL BUZZING]
Oh, Christ, even
the lights are out to get me.
I'll have my cousin come tomorrow.
Bang on the breaker box, OK?
For now, just go tell him it's
Halloween mood lighting, OK?
Yeah! They should actually
be paying extra for it.
Halloween ambiance. You got it.
You're my favorite.
FRANK: What the hell are you up to?
Carlos, I don't pay you to--
[GIGGLES AND IDLE CHATTER]
[GROWLS]
FRANK: For the love of God...
What the hell is going on in here?
I got us some free labor.
[GRUNTS]
FRANK: Free labor? These are freaking WAFFLES!
Exactly.
Come here.
I want to show you something.
Nah, I think I'm going to go back to my--
No, no, no, no, no, no, Frank.
I think you're really
really gonna like this.
Carlos, you are freaking me--
[GRUNTING]
[GRUNTING]
DEMONIC VOICE: Hungry?
Come on down to Frank's
House of Waffles!
Bring the mistress...
the whole family!
Whatever you do, bring money.
ALL YOUR MONEY
Frank's House of Waffles!
There's one on your block.
What the hell was that?
It's the future, Frank.
Our future.
The future?
But I had hair...
Yes.
The waffles, they're going
to show us the way.
No, no, no, no, no.
This is too crazy, man.
I'm going to bow out.
Come on.
What do you say?
Boss?
[GLEEFUL WAFFLE CHEERS]
[LAUGHTER]
[SNARLING]
Yes.
Yes, that's right.
So we are cash only, but we also
do accept
cashier's checks and Diner's Club.
[DOOR CHIME]
Get a load of this shit hole.
I don't care.
I'm starving.
Let's sit over there.
Boys?
Hm?
Let's go.
I'm sorry.
I need to put you on hold for one sec.
Hey, hey.
Hi, guys.
Actually, this area is closed.
What about the librarian?
Librarian?
She's not a librarian.
Librarians are sexy.
[CLINK]
Oh, I'm sorry.
You can't smoke in here.
What do you mean I can't smoke in here?
That's sexist.
Because you have not told
these smoking ladies
they can't be in here.
[STAMMERING]
I'm just messing with you.
[LAUGHING]
JAY: Thanks?
I'll go get you some menus.
No need.
I know what I want.
I want a hamburger with everything on it.
And onion rings and french fries.
And a milkshake.
What? It's not like I'm going to keep it down.
Do you have a wedge salad?
Not on the menu.
But Carlos can make you one, like--
OK, yeah. I'll take one.
Oh, and a milkshake.
Ooh, milkshake twins.
And I will have the egg platter
with some extra sausage.
[LAUGHING]
Nice.
All right. And for you?
Chicken?
Chicken what?
A whole chicken.
Rotisserie style.
JAY: OK.
I'll be right back with those drinks.
[LAUGHING]
[CHATTERING OBNOXIOUSLY]
Hey, can you please keep it down?
I'm sorry. Are we bothering you?
Yes!
I'm working here.
It's Halloween. Live a little.
Live a little? I'm working on a very
important essay for a very important
internship that could determine
my entire future.
You wouldn't understand.
Internship?
You're not in grad school yet?
[SNICKERING]
No.
You're in grad school?
No.
We're PhDs.
Except for Nick here.
He's working on some interplanetary
propulsion system.
An actual rocket scientist?
[ROCKET SOUNDS]
Yeah, that's how I would describe
it to a grade schooler.
Look, if you're cracking this early,
maybe you should pack it up.
Give up already.
[LAUGHING]
Here.
Sorry about that.
Do you want me to find you another spot?
No, I just need to face the fact
that the universe is out
to get me and my entire life is doomed.
Well, that's a little extreme,
don't you think?
I've been working on this essay all day
and this is what I've got.
"Throughout my academic journey, I
have strived for excellence."
And that's a great start.
I mean, anybody would be a
fool not to hire you.
Thanks for trying to help, but I'm
just not cut out for this.
Wait, hold on.
If you're looking for some
peace and quiet,
I think I have the perfect spot.
Just give me a few minutes
and I'll show you.
Dude!
Whoa!
Yo, Chief!
Where in the hell is my food, man?
It'll just be a few more minutes.
It'll be well worth the wait.
Well, damn well better be.
Carlos?
Hey, amigo.
Make that order to go.
Mount Vesuvius is about to explode,
if you know what I mean?
Carlos, how much longer?
I got eggs, bacon, I'm waiting--
Don't forget the cherry pie.
Oh, and slice o' cherry pie for the lady.
A slice?
I ain't worth the whole damn pie?
Oh damn--
Whole damn pie, por favor.
You got it.
[CREEPY SQUEALING]
You're worth a whole damn pie.
That's my bad.
Thank you, thank you.
Now you might get the whole damn thing.
TRUCKER: [CHUCKLES] Well now...
Here you go.
Grassy ass, amigo.
After you, madame.
My damn!
Carlos, I'm taking my five.
You live here?
With my brother, Carlos, yeah.
I can't put you out like that.
No, no, no.
I've got like six hours left on my shift.
You can use it while I'm working.
No one will bother you, trust me.
[RICKETY DOOR OPENING]
[DOOR SHUTS]
Welcome to my humble abode.
Is something burning?
Oh, Carlos must have forgotten
about his toast.
Well, it's cozy.
Yeah.
I mean, it's got everything you could need.
A desk, chairs, a couch that
pulls out into a bed
when you inevitably pass out
from exhaustion.
The American dream, am I right?
Sounds like my kind of place.
Beef stick?
We've got lots of beef sticks
if you're hungry.
Uh, coffee is all the sustenance
I need right now.
Well, if you change your mind.
SARAH: Woa.
Where'd you get this cross?
That?
That? My abuela gave it to
us before we left.
It's a collector's item.
You could probably get a lot
of money for it.
Really?
No, I-- I couldn't.
My abuela gave it to us.
She said that it would protect us
from the demons that live among us.
She was always saying stuff like that.
She said God or religion or whatever,
that was our compass.
Whichever direction of points we follow.
I should
probably get back to work.
Right, me too.
Just make yourself at home.
And I'll be back in a bit with
another pot of coffee.
Thanks, Jay.
[FOOT TAPPING]
[PATTERING]
Sonsabitches, where the hell...?
Welp, hello, Yelp review.
All right, bad service, crappy
food, stupid waiter.
Yup.
Come out, come out, wherever you are.
Come on.
Where'd you go?
Grow, grow.
Come on, you just grow a little bit.
Come on.
[INDISTINCT WAFFLE CHATTER]
Ho, ho, ho, where in the hell is my food?
[INDISTINCT WAFFLE CHATTER]
What the hell is going on?!
[SPLATTING AND SQUISHING]
Oh, now what the hell is it?
[WAFFLES MUNCHING]
Carlos, what the hell?
Carlos, what the hell's going
on around here?
Just a minor issue with a rude customer.
A minor issue? A minor issue?
[SCREAMS]
There's a dead customer in my kitchen.
The city would shut me down in
a second over this.
What are you doing?
CARLOS: They would say nothing
because we would rip
out their throats.
Carlos, my waffle vision said I
was getting a franchise.
It said nothing about killing
my customers.
Just get rid of the body and
no one will know.
Me? I got a bad back.
You killed him.
You move him!
We're busy preparing the feast.
Fine.
Do it like you do everything
else around here.
Oh, Jesus.
[JUICY BODY
SOUNDS]
[DRY HEAVING]
Oh, my God.
Oh, boy.
All right, sir.
What can I get for ya?
Could I do the house burger?
Medium, please?
Stack of pancakes.
Just a house burger.
Waffles.
A cecada milkshake.
And a soda to wash it down.
Stack of pancakes.
Do you want to split some grits?
Totally.
And a chicken burger.
[WAFFLE GRUNTING]
I'm not seeing them, but...
potato skins. Make it happen.
Just give me some nachos.
Just fry a tortilla,
crunch that shit,
and just drown it in cheese.
[SPEAKS IN MIME]
Largest stack of pancakes I can get.
"Eggs Your Way"... sunny side up.
Salmonella be damned!
and a Roy Rogers.
[WAFFLE MONSTER
SQUEALS]
Thanks, Carlos.
[PLUNK]
[THUD]
Is that an extra big stack
of pancakes or what?
Grits??
Pancakes, enjoy.
[CLINK]
Grits! Grits! Grits!
I'm gonna check in on
that shake.
I haven't forgotten,
alright?
Potato skins.
Let's get that milkshake up too, OK?
I'm testing you. Just testing you!
I gotcha.
Grits.
That's what I'm talking about, Carlos.
Ugh....
[BODY DRAGGING SOUNDS]
Oh my God...
[GRUNTING]
[DRY HEAVING]
Oh god. Oh my god.
[GRUNTING]
[THUMP]
[CLATTER]
[WRETCHING]
[WRETCHING]
[FARTS]
Oh shit.
Oh my God that sucks.
[DOOR CLICKING]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
[SQUEAKING]
[SCREAMING]
[ANNOYED SQUEAKING]
[DOOR CHIME]
Jay!
Hey Sarah, what's up?
[STAMMERING] You-- in the
dumps-- there was a body--
There was a body. There was a body!
JAY: Whoa, whoa, hey, slow down.
What's going on?
You have to come with me.
OK, just give me a second to
drop off these plates,
and then you can tell me what's
going on, OK?
Here you go.
Burger, salad...
Here's the fries...
Yeah. Enjoy.
All right.
JAY: Alright... Hey!
OK, calm down and tell me what happened.
There was a guy, and he threw a
body into the dumpster.
What guy?
I don't know.
I couldn't really get a good look, but
he kind of looked like your boss.
Frank?
You think Frank dumped a body out back?
It's not funny.
Look, Sarah, if Frank needed to dump
a body, he'd make me do it.
I know what I saw, Jay.
I would have gotten a closer look,
but there was a raccoon.
Hey, I believe you, OK?
But listen, you're stressed.
You've been drinking a lot of coffee
on an empty stomach.
Maybe there's a simple explanation.
Here, why don't you take a seat
and eat something?
I'm not hungry.
Well, here.
Have a few fries.
Get something in your stomach.
I'll go get a broom, chase
off Kevin, and then
we'll go see what's in the
dumpster together.
Sound like a plan?
Kevin?
Call the raccoon Kevin?
We have a history.
Just hang tight, and I'll be right back.
[FRIES CRINKLING]
[GROSS CHEWING SOUNDS]
[GROSS SLURPING SOUNDS]
[GROSS CHEWING SOUNDS]
You guys are disgusting.
It's just really good.
[BELCHING]
Dude, gross. I can smell that
from over here.
I don't even know what end
that came out of.
I think I'm gonna be sick.
[CHAIR SCRAPING
ON FLOOR]
Ugh, it still smells.
I'm gonna go have a smoke.
Are you gonna eat
those sausages, bro?
Don't you dare.
Whatever.
DRACULA: Babe, stop looking
at me like that.
[WRETCHING]
[COUGHING]
[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS]
[PANCAKE SQUEALING]
Wooh! Oh, yeah.
Oh, baby, I'm going over the top.
Mmm... this is hitting the spot.
Mmm hmmm
Ooh, You're the
best I ever had!
Come on, stud,
you can do it.
Ooh, I'm getting close.
I'm getting close!
[SQUISHING]
There you go. There you go, honey.
That's the ticket.
[CHOKING SOUNDS]
ROXY: Yeah, come on now.
I told you not to make a mess!
Honey, something's wrong with your jizz.
Oh, hell no!
I told you the kinky stuff is extra.
[GROANS]
[PEE SPLATTERING]
[TRUCK ENGINE STARTING]
[ENGINE REVING]
Hit the road,
you flapjack monster!
Help! Somebody help me!
Hang on one second.
[SAUSAGE SQUEALS]
What the shit?
[SCREAMS]
[THUMPS, SQUISHES]
[SCREAMING]
[GASPING]
[CRUNCHING]
[COUGHING]
Ugh, gross.
[PORCELAIN SLIDING]
[SCREAMS]
[CHOMPING SOUNDS]
[TOILET FLUSHING]
[BURP]
[MANIACAL TOILET LAUGHTER]
Ahhh!
What the hell?
[RUSTLING]
[SCREAMS]
Jay!
Sarah, are you all right?
The fries are alive!
The fries? They're alive!
That's what I just said. Do something.
Uh...
Jay?
[SCREAMING AND VIOLENCE]
Shit!
Ahh! Ahhh!
[CHOMPING]
The food...
it's out for revenge!
[SCREAMING]
[CHOKING SOUNDS]
[CRASHING]
[SQUEALING]
JAY: [WINCES]
Are you hurt?
I'm fine.
I just gotta get this place cleaned
up before the breakfast rush.
I think there's more important things
to focus on right now.
[SCREAMING]
DRACULA: Hey, bro?
Would you mind doing
something about this?
[SQUEAKY SQUEALING]
Nick! Help me!
Babe, you know I'm a feminist.
You got this.
You pussy!
[WAFFLES GIGGLING
MANIACALLY]
[THUMP]
[SQUEAKY SQUEALING]
Fork you, pancake freak!
[SCREAMS]
[CRYING]
[WAFFLES CHOMPING]
[WAFFLES CHOMPING]
I'm sorry I ate your friend, man.
It's not my fault he was delicious!
[SQUISHING]
Ahh! Babe! Help me!
You got it, babe. You're fine.
[INDISTINCT CURSING]
[CRUNCHING]
[LETTUCE CRUNCHING
AND CRINKLING]
[ROARING]
[SCREAMING]
Stop stop! I'm sorry!
I swear I'll start eating meat!
Oh, no! No!
[CHOMPING SOUNDS]
FRANK: No, no, no!
No, no, no!
That's not it!
[SCREAMING]
Goddamn animals!
[SCREAMING]
Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no!
Carlos! Carlos! Carlos, word!
Carlos, quick question.
What the hell's going on out there?
There's food eating my customers.
They haven't even paid yet!
Great success requires great
sacrifices, Frank.
It's all a part of the plan.
Okay, but let's not forget who's
running this joint, right?
I mean, I still get the franchises,
the beautiful women.
The gorgeous head of hair, right?
Yes, of course.
A captain oversees the ship.
He doesn't shovel the coal.
Right.
-All of this is for
your success, Frank.
You just have to trust the process.
Trust the process. Right. Okay.
Okay. Trust the process.
Right. Okay.
Say it again!
Just gotta trust the process.
You're freaking me out.
[SCREAMING]
We need to get out of here.
Well, we're not going anywhere with
that egg watching us.
I'll take care of it.
For your protection.
Thanks. I feel so much safer.
Hey, just be careful. Okay?
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
[SQUISHING AND GURGLING]
Ugh. Jesus.
Now's our shot.
[WAFFLE GIGGLES]
[SCREAMING]
Ah!
JAY: Be careful!
Come on!
[CLANG OF POWER
BEING CUT]
[SQEAUKING]
[SQEAUKING]
[SAUSAGES SQUEAKING]
[MONSTROUS YELLING]
JAY: Run, now go go go!
[SCREAMING]
[SAUSAGE TENTACLES BUZZING]
[LIGHTER FLICKING]
[HOWLS IN PAIN]
Order up!
[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]
[DOOR SHUTS]
[PLOP]
[GRUNTING]
What now?
We call for help.
No dial tone.
Do you have your phone?
It's in the trailer. Yours?
Behind the counter.
Come on, Carlos. Where are you?
Jesus, they've all turned.
Wait, look, there he is.
Oh, oh, thank God.
What is wrong with that thing?
Of course! The waffle maker?
That monstrosity's forked tongue
has my brother's ear.
Well, how do we stop it?
I don't know.
It didn't come with an instruction
manual.
Also didn't come with a tongue.
That's new.
SARAH: Look at this.
It's the invoice.
This can't be right.
It says here that the waffle
maker has been present
for some of the greatest disasters
in history.
September 11th, 2001.
It was in the South Tower.
1986, it was at the Chernobyl
Nuclear Power Plant.
The Space Shuttle Challenger's
final launch.
The Hindenburg, the Great Molasses
Flood of 1919.
That can't be.
And look at this.
JAY: Yeah, it's got some old
funky logo on it.
No, that's not a logo.That's a marking
from an ancient South American cult.
They used to do blood sacrifices
to summon forth ancient deities.
Blood sacrifices?
I started all this.
My blood must have activated
the waffle maker.
Carlos was right. I should have left
it the hell alone.
That doesn't look good.
What the hell are they doing?
I don't like the looks of that.
Well, that's just great.
And just when this day was getting good,
now we're gonna die in here.
Hey, dying in a shitty diner
is not a part of my 20-year plan.
We're gonna get through this.
Or not, but we'll do it together.
Yeah, we will.
[KNOCKING] FRANK: Hey,
who's in there?
Holy shit, it's Frank.
He's alive!
Uh, do you think that's a good idea?
We can't just leave him out there.
We can't?
I mean, I saw him dump a body in
the dumpster. We can't trust him.
You think you saw.
Do you know how many people are unwilling
to help immigrants?
Frank took us in, gave us jobs,
and a life here.
I'm telling you, he's a good guy.
We can trust him.
Frank!
Oh, thanks for letting me in.
-Are you alright?
Yeah, you saved my life.
Oh, not interrupting anything, am I?
How did you get past them?
Those freaks aren't interested in me.
They're too busy screwing around
in my kitchen.
Check out this mess!
They're cooking something big in there.
Yeah, all my food!
Hey, wait, wait.
Front door's wide open.
All we gotta do is just make our way
through the dining room.
I don't know, something feels
off about this.
Hey, Red, what are you trying to say?
Hey, hey, hey.
We need to trust each other
and work together.
Frank wouldn't steer us wrong.
He'll get us out of here alive.
We can trust him.
Fine.
Thanks, Jay.
That means a lot.
I know I give you a lot of shit,
but you really have my favorite.
Let's do this thing.
[FRANK LAUGHING]
We can trust him?
Damn it, Frank!
I vouched for you.
You just made me look like
a complete asshole.
We're talking franchises, Jay, okay?
No hard feelings.
Carlos, it's me.
You don't have to do this, man.
Come on.
You can stop this right now.
-Stop?
I have no intentions of stopping
anything, little brother.
You're about to witness a
significant moment
in the history of mankind.
This is a new age.
A world where anything is possible.
Fame, fortune, success beyond your
wildest imagination.
And I can make your dreams come true.
Behold, the key to our success.
No thanks.
-Yeah, I'm good.
What are you afraid of, Jay?
The waffle maker has been
amongst us for ages,
guiding us pathetic humans to greatness.
All we have to do is embrace its power.
Oh my God, I'm gonna throw up.
-Ugh, Jesus!
[TOASTER POPPING UP]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
Sarah, Sarah, wake up.
Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, wake up.
What happened?
Why are we back here?
I had everything I'd worked for.
It wasn't real.
It was all a lie.
It's just showing you what
you want to see.
What do you mean it's not real?
Don't you listen to them.
Everywhere this thing has been,
disaster has followed.
We need to stop this right now-
Silence!
You ungrateful fools.
I wanted to share this gift
with you willingly.
No matter.
You will join me one way or another.
No, get that away from me.
We're not eating that.
Of course not.
This food eats you.
[EVIL FOOD SQUEALS]
[JOYFUL WHISTLING]
[ELECTRONIC BUZZING]
Yo!
Frank?
[BELL RINGING]
FRAIDY: Hey Frank?
No no, Carlos, Carlos...
Pretty sure you eat a cop
more are gonna show.
Then we'll eat them too.
Okay, okay, okay.
It's an option,
Just give me five minutes.
If I can't get him out of
here, eat him up.
Frank!
Five minutes.
You better hurry.
-Yeah.
Oh, and these two.
Get them in the storeroom.
[BELL RINGING]
Officer Fraidy, I should have
known you'd be back.
What's going on?
Oh, nothing just came back to...
You guys getting awfully festive
in here, huh?
Well, Halloween.
Yeah, it's like a haunted house.
A haunted house of pancakes!
(laughing) Nothing gets past you.
You should be Detective Fraidy.
-Oh, thank you.
So what can I get for you?
Oh, jeez.
I don't know.
Oh, what the...
Say Frank...
[GOOEY DRIPPING]
This is pretty life-like.
-Yeah
There's some weight to this.
Yeah, we go all out.
It's like I'm in a horror movie.
You don't know the half of it.
[DOOR CLANKING]
What do we do now?
Jay, you don't understand.
I'd finally stand above all the
other competition.
I have access to a living artifact.
There's so much I can learn
from it, not--
Sarah, it's a homicidal waffle maker
that's possessed my brother and
all our best customers.
Whatever it's offering,
you don't want it.
What makes you think it was a lie?
What it showed me, it was all just...
It was all just too perfect.
I mean, some version of my wildest
dreams, sure, but...
Something was missing.
What?
You weren't there.
You noticed I wasn't there?
Yeah.
I mean, I always dreamed
of this, you know?
Of being attacked by demonic diner food?
-No, not that part.
Of being alone somewhere, anywhere,
just with you.
And what?
What did we do?
FRANK: So what do you feel like?
Uh, God, jeez....
Um, let's see here.
[DRIPPING]
You ever think about simplifying
this menu, Frank?
There's so many options.
Oh, yeah, yeah, we're gonna do something.
He's seen too much.
We can't let him leave here alive.
He's a friggin' moron, trust me.
Just give me a second, we
got this covered.
So you made up your mind there, officer?
I don't know, I'm...
I'm overwhelmed.
How about some of those waffles?
-No!
We're just tweaking the batter now.
It's got a little bite to it,
if you know what I mean.
Oh, okay.
I'll tell you what, how about a
fresh baked cherry pie?
Yeah, a cherry pie?
I'll take a slice, that sounds good.
-No, get him the whole pie.
CARLOS: Here, let me box
that up for you.
Now, he knows how to treat a customer.
Oh, I'll tell you, he's something.
All right, one cherry pie for
the good officer.
Yeah, welll the shows going on
in a few minutes.
Oh, okay, okay.
Come back for tomorrow's show, though.
I mean, that guy--
-Yeah, he's...
Oh, they put on a heck of a show.
Are you sure?
Frank, is everything okay?
We're great, why don't you just
have a great night?
Be safe out there.
I appreciate the pie.
Oh, anytime. Any time!
Oh my God, Carlos, that was close.
What the hell is going on around here?
We need to get back to work.
The feast is upon us.
Oh yeah, yeah, wouldn't wanna
miss the feast.
All right, the feast.
Carlos, come on, man, what the hell
is going on around here?
[KEVIN SQUEAKING]
God damn it, Kevin, scram!
JAY: The window!
Oh my God--
You can escape through there.
[SCREECHING AND GRINDING]
You will never fit.
No, but you can.
Go.
I can't leave you here.
I'll find some other way out of here.
Just get to safety, okay,
and get some help.
Come on.
SARAH: Ah!
Sarah, are you okay?
I'll be fine.
Hey, Jay?
Yeah?
Don't die on me.
I'll try not to.
Now go.
Now think, Jay, come on,
come on, come on.
Think of something...
[THUDS]
[CLATTER OF LOCK BREAKING]
[SHOULDER TAPS]
[SLAM]
Die!
[SLAM]
[SLAM]
[SQUISH]
[THUMP]
[GRUNTING]
[SPOOKY WHISPERING]
[SIZZLING]
[SPOOKY WHISPERING]
[ROARING]
[THUD]
[TINITUS SOUND]
[CLANK]
[HEAVY FOOTSTEPS]
I wasn't even supposed to work today.
[SCREECHING]
Officer, officer! Oh thank God.
Jesus! Little Miss Antifa.
What are you getting yourself
killed out here
jumping in front of cars?
Please, you have to help me.
My friend is trapped in the diner
with those monsters.
So now you care about the role
of a police officer?
You don't understand.
The waffle maker has been possessed
by an ancient cult
that is trying to take over the world.
You have to help us stop it.
Okay, I, uh...
I think I see what's going on here.
You do?
-I do.
You're on that reefer, aren't you?
What?
Look, young lady, it's Halloween.
Everyone's in a costume tonight.
They're just costumes.
They're gross, very, very scary-looking,
lifelike at times...
and so much blood.
Fake blood.
Those aren't costumes.
Those are demons that have
taken over the diner.
Please, we need your help.
Please, demons?
Now, if they were demons, would
they give me a pie?
What pie?
This pie.
No, don't!
-Yeah, I was gonna have a slice.
[PIE GROWLING]
Whoa! Jesus!
[CRUNCHING]
Idiot!
[CRUNCHING]
[GRUNTING]
[TAZER BUZZING]
[SQUEALING]
[PIE SPLAT]
I'll get a salad next time.
Yeah, yeah, that's a good...
That's a good idea.
Well...
[SHOTGUN COCKS]
Come get some, you demon jerks.
Hello?
Jay?
[GRUNTING]
[THUD]
Jay!
Sarah, you came back for me.
Of course I did.
that was a very bad idea.
[HEAVY FOOTSTEPS]
Holy shit.
[HEAVY FOOTSTEPS]
Shoot it!
[HEAVY FOOTSTEPS]
[GUN CLATTERING]
[SNARLING]
I knew it.
I knew something was going on in here...
Holy shit.
All right, everybody just
calm down, okay?
What's going on?
You, the one who gave me the pie?
Attack.
All right, everyone stop.
Everyone just stop.
Stop where you're--get back!
[GUNSHOTS]
Get back!
[GUN CLICKS] No, hang on, wait.
No, you guys, come on, we can
talk about this.
No, you guys--no, seriously, stop! Stop!
Stop!
[FRANTIC SCREAMING]
[CHEWING]
[GURGLING]
[CLINK]
Still hungry, Master?
JAY: Now what?
We could make a run for it.
Maybe you can.
SARAH: Ouch
I'm not going anywhere.
There's gotta be a way.
[CHEWING]
The merciless waffle maker's feast
shall not end until all bow or
are consumed.
Come out, come out, little brother.
Oh, oh no. No, no, no, no, no.
That's way too off-brand to franchise.
No way, no way.
I'm not losing my ass on this deal.
I am out.
Out!
Yaaah!
Shit!
[PORCELAIN SLIDING]
Oh, shit!
[CHOMPING]
[CHOMPING]
This wasn't part of the deal!
[HEAVY FOOTSTEPS]
Sarah: Looking for me?
[SHOTGUN COCKS]
Go back to hell, waffle fucker.
[GUNSHOT]
[GRUNTS]
[STUMBLING AND CRASHING]
[GRUNTS]
[SHOTGUN COCKS]
[GUNSHOT]
[SHOTGUN COCKS]
[GUNSHOT]
Let's see if that PhD can help
you dodge a bullet.
[SHOTGUN COCKS]
[CLICKS]
Shit.
[LEAVES RUSTLING]
[EVIL GIGGLING]
Shut up!
[SQUISH]
[SQUEALS IN PAIN]
Bitch!
[THUMP]
[GASPING]
Jay!
Sarah!
We need to go now.
Okay. Okay. Okay.
[GASPING]
You really think you can stop us, Jay?
Stop the hell
that's about to be released on the world.
You're a screw-up.
You always have been.
And you're gonna die here,
worthless and alone.
A failure in life.
And unable to tell the girl
you liked how you truly felt
Until it was too late.
You're right, Carlos.
I am a failure.
And at least I go out with a bang.
[CLINK]
[CLINK]
[LIGHTER FLICKS]
[FIRE CRACKLING]
[HOWLS IN PAIN]
Go!
No, I can't. I can't leave him.
You go.
Not this time.
We're sticking together.
Okay.
Hold on, Carlos, hold on!
[FIRE CRACKLING]
Carlos: Ah!
-Come on. Come on.
JAY: Come on!
Come on!
[COUGHING]
Come on. Let's go. That was close.
You think?
Why is the diner on fire?
Jay! Jay, why's the diner on fire?!
Carlos, relax! We're so close. Come on.
[FOOTSTEPS]
[GASPING]
You are sure we can trust him?
I know Carlos.
He was being controlled by
that waffle maker,
but that thing's toast now.
The last time you vouched for--
That was Frank. This is my brother.
CARLOS: I--I remember now.
That thing--it was possessing me.
It all felt like a dream.
Oh. We need to go. Now.
Okay?
We can't leave.
[WRAPPER CRINLING]
[CHOKING]
Carlos! Carlos! Stop!
Let her go!
CARLOS: Why would I do that?
It's her fault that all this is happening.
Her fault
for coming between us.
Carlos!
[CHOKING]
You don't have to do this, okay?
You stand back, Jay.
Once she's out of the picture,
you'll fall in line, just
like you always do.
So you just stand there,
and you do what you do best.
Absolutely nothing.
Not this time.
[SLICING]
[GASPING]
[DRIPPING]
[SCREAMING]
JAY: Sarah.
Are you all right?
CARLOS: [CRYING]
You saved me.
Can I get some medical attention here?
Carlos, is that you?
Yes, it's me!
Oh, my God!
You cut off my hand!
My hand!
I had to.
That thing was making you crazy.
Really?
There wasn't anything else you could do?
CARLOS: I'm telling Abuelita.
Oh, my.
Here.
Cover that thing up.
Ow!
Oh!
The hand!
[SCUTTLING]
[THWAK]
[SQUEALS IN PAIN]
Sarah: Stay dead already!
[HAND WHEEZING]
Oh, my God!
I'm sorry.
You're sorry?!
What are we gonna do now?
I think I earned a night off.
Let's get the hell out of here.
CARLOS: Yeah.
This sounds like a great idea.
You ready?
[ENGINE STARTING]
[MUSIC PLAYS]
Another local business has burned
the ground in Shady Grove.
Could this be arson?
23 people are missing and presumed dead,
including Brady Bossard, Linda
Trujillo, Vincenzo--
STEVEN: Come on now.
Are you really gonna read all
those names again?
Steven, these people matter.
How about you show a little respect?
Jay Johnson, Jodi Shan, Luis
C. Gallegos, Renice Gallegos
Sam Lacostro, Melisa
Klei, Melvin Marsh
Chris Ness, Sebastian Dizon, Linda
Laffser, Mike Laffser.
[SCREAMING]
[CRASHING]
[WAFFLES GIGGLING]
[FIRE CRACKLING]
[MANIACAL WAFFLE MAKER
LAUGHTER]