Heaven and Hell (2018) Movie Script

[energetic rock music]
[rocket whooshing]
And the teenage
wishes of my memory
All this before
became a part of me
Rising someday to eternity
[tires screeching]
[sirens blaring]
- Perp went East on 95.
Heavily-armed and
definitely dangerous.
- Hey, son of a bitch has
got speed up his fuckin' ass.
- What does the fuck does
that mean, speed up his ass?
- Why would you say
speed up his ass?
[tires screeching]
- Ugh, light.
- That son of a bitch!
- What the fuck is he
doin', is he fuckin crazy?
- Yeah, fuck, crazy
would be an improvement!
- Houdini, eat your heart out.
Look, Ma, no hands.
[sirens blaring]
Oh man, definitely not
a sight for sore eyes.
Hey man, you definitely need
a lesson in car chasing.
Rule number one, never
chase the chaser.
[dramatic music]
[sirens blaring]
- Come on!
- I can't, I'm fuckin'--
- He's starting to get away!
- He's driving to the farm!
Will you fuckin' leave me alone!
- He's heading down
fucking Crenshaw.
- [Kyle] I got him.
- I'm talking to the radio!
- I got him!
[tires screeching]
- Guys could advance.
- What the fuck is he doin'?
- That son of a
bitch is blindfolded!
- Ah, he's really sick!
He's really very, very sick!
- Watch out, watch out!
- Ha ha ha, hasta
la vista, bimbos!
No dumping!
All right, you jerkoffs.
Where the hell are ya?
My, what big eyes you have.
That's right, better to
see you with, assholes.
I see.
A-ha, there you are
and here I come!
- Hell yes.
Money's like an aphrodisiac.
Woo, so how much of
this shit we got?
- [Man] We goin' to
Acapulco now or what?
- Hey, who's this
fuckin' guy on our ass?
- What guy, what up?
- Look, look.
[gun firing]
Fuckin' guy is on my ass, man.
- I'll say he is.
Hey, you need to fuck off man!
[guns firing]
- Don't you guys know?
No matter how tired,
hungry, drunk,
blind I am, it doesn't
make a difference?
I always get my man.
Left tire.
[gun fires]
- Fucker!
- 'Cause I'm crazy, I'm
really over the edge.
I'm fucking, totally,
absolutely dangerous.
Right tire!
[gun firing]
[tires screeching]
- Fuck, why don't we
just get out and walk?
Are you tired?
[tires screeching]
- I'm right behind
you, you jerkoffs!
And you thought you
were gonna lose me.
Not in your wildest
- Take it on the bridge,
take it on the bridge!
- I'm going, shut the fuck up!
- What is with this
tin foil, horseshit!
[gun firing]
- You mother fuckers are
buying me a new window!
[gun firing]
- Man, he's got like a
blindfold over his eye.
Where the hell is he driving?
We could see him,
but he can't see us.
- The fuckin' guy's possessed.
Get this seersucker
from hell off my ass!
Light him up!
- Yes, sir!
- Now you're talking.
[bombs exploding]
[tires screeching]
- Yeah, ha ha!
We got him now.
- He's still on my ass, man.
Get him off my fuckin' ass!
- Flashing with the
gates of inferno!
I'm sick of this shit!
- I was saving it
for the next ride.
- Oh man, you guys are pissing
me off and that ain't good.
Because I might decide
to go off the deep end!
[gun firing]
- Ah, fuck!
- Hoss, Hoss, get the
fuck outta here, man!
He's got one.
- Shit, this guy's a fuckin'
ghost from hell, man.
He's fuckin' nuts!
[gun firing]
- Son of a bitch!
Lie down, man.
Lie down.
- I could even do it with
my head turned this way.
Or this way.
Or this way.
It doesn't matter.
I could be upside down and I
could shoot the hell outta ya.
- Take the fucking money!
[man screaming]
Take the fucking money!
- Wait a minute, where the hell.
Son of a bitch, where
the hell are they?
They got away.
Fuck, I drank one too many!
They got away, what the
hell is the difference?
I might as well have another.
[sirens blaring]
You got me.
Don't shoot.
- Not that I wouldn't
want to, asshole!
What the fuck was that
bullshit back there?
Fuck, I outta blow
your head off.
- I owe ya, consider
that a partial payment.
- I'll consider it
payment in full, jackoff!
What the fuck did you do?
You let him go!
- I let him go.
You mean, I let him go.
- What do you mean, you let
him get away on purpose?
- Hey.
You're not deaf
and dumb after all.
- Would you take off that
stupid fucking blindfold!
- Would you guys, relax.
They only robbed a bank
for Christ's sakes.
- But how'd you do it, Houdini?
You peeking, huh, is that it?
- No, but it woulda been a
heck of a lot easier if I did.
It sure pays to
be new wave, huh?
- He definitely needs help.
- Hey, Chase, why don't
you use your psychic eye
to find out what kind of
a fuckin' asshole you are?
- A little later, Kyle, huh?
Right now it's freebasing.
Watching your wife hump
somebody silly in Motel Pinks.
Ah, nice tight ass!
- Again with the humping.
- Shit!
[engine revving]
Hey, Chase, which one,
there's two of 'em?
- Highway 12, room three.
- Right.
- Hey, Kyle, you want
us to back you up?
- No, thanks, it's personal.
[sirens blaring]
[playful music]
- Damn it!
- Woo hoo!
- Just like army days, man!
- You got it, Kyle.
Get out right now!
Put your hands
up, mother fucker!
Oh god, it's the
chief, we're fucked!
- Jesus.
- Shit.
You dumb bastards!
- Chief, we had no idea.
I mean.
We didn't know it was you.
I mean, if we woulda known.
- We didn't know
because there was.
We didn't know.
- [Kyle] We had a lead.
- You listen to me!
If one word of this gets out,
I'll hang the both of you by
your balls, you understand?
- Oops, gave 'em wrong info.
- Now lead yourselves
outta here!
Get out!
- We're goin' right now.
It was very nice
to have met you.
[door slamming]
- Righteous Earl, here,
and I'll do anything
to sell you a car,
even swallow my cigar!
Woo, upside down even!
Now come see my pets,
Splish and Splash.
They live in a shoe!
I'm Righteous Earl, look
for me in there, too!
Ah, yeah.
Now, cut, cut, get me
outta this goddamn thing!
Here we go, get me up,
get me up, thank you.
Holy my, hurry up, holy!
Whoa, whoa there, ho sheesh!
- Here, have some of this.
- Give me a drink!
Give me a drink!
- This'll make you feel good.
- Oh, my little pumpkins.
A man's best friend is his pets!
Ooh, ooh, it sets
my heart to fire
and my chitlins
flashing in desire.
- Oh, you got a
lotta desire, Earl.
- Yeah, I woulda been a
lyricist, but I slur too much.
- Oh, we'll slur for you, Earl.
- Oh god, who put
whisky in my whisky?
Whoever it was, I thank ya.
Now you girls go take five.
Now that drink stays,
and save one for me.
All right?
I'll be trailing you
right back at the trailer.
I got business to attend to.
- Oh, he's leaving.
[metal clanging]
- That piece of junk.
Hey, how's the swami, huh?
- Hi ya doin', Earl?
What the hell happened
to your accent?
- Oh, that's for the
customers, not for my buddy.
Hey, you've been busy today.
- Yeah, I've been busy.
- Yeah.
Hey, what do you need?
What can I get for you?
Hey, four by four, auto air,
transmission, crystal ball.
Oh, you got one built in
your head already, don't ya?
You know, I got just
the baby for you.
- Earl, sweet for a sweet.
- Honey pumpkin,
I'll be meeting you
in the trailer in
about five minutes.
- Yee haw!
- Oh, it's a great
life, you know.
- Is that the Southern comfort
or is that Northern bullshit?
- She's working for
the bonus, you know?
[engine revving]
- Feels good, Earl.
How often do I gas it?
- You don't gas this baby.
Like us, you 151 proof it.
You rocket fuel it!
Fill it up with high octane,
throw in a bottle of my booster.
It'll take ya to
heaven and back.
- It better.
Wouldn't wanna be caught
there one way with no return.
- Yeah, heaven's for the angels,
not for the likes
of us, huh, Chase?
Hey, by the way, this
ain't legal, you know.
- How much do I owe you?
- Well, if the department's
paying for it, top price.
If you're paying for
it, it's on the house.
- Thanks, Earl.
Do the usual, call me
if there's another war.
- You're the best.
I can always count
on you, Chase.
You're my Southern buddy y'all,
if you were from the
South, South Bronx that is.
[sirens blaring]
[tires screeching]
- Fuckin' get his ass, man.
Bust his fuckin' balls!
Bunch of bullshit!
- Hey, Twiddle Dumb
and Twiddle Dumber!
How you guys doin'?
- That was hysterical
last night, Chase.
- Don't you guys
got somethin' better
to do than to follow me around?
- You know, I gotta
tell you somethin', man.
You got some fuckin' brass
balls, you know that?
'Cause we're gonna tell him
that you fucking set us up.
- I think that maybe
the two of you gotta
get yourself a
girlfriend or something,
you know what I mean?
- Oh yeah, right.
But I think I'm in
love with you, Chase.
You know, your beautiful
blond hair, man.
Your hair comes alive.
Get a haircut, would you please?
- Oh, shit.
My worst fuckin' nightmare,
another empty beer can.
- Can't we bust him for
drinking in public or somethin'?
Whoa, yes indeed.
Hey, it must be jelly
'cause jam don't--
- [Woman] Fuck you, Dana.
- Shake like that.
Yeah, she wants me.
- You're beautiful.
- Thank you.
- Yo, Chase.
- Tell me something, is this
where my tax money's going to,
for these new high-falluting
security systems.
'Cause I think it sucks.
Have a good afternoon, George,
and keep your hands
off of my beer.
- Hey, hey, it's super cop.
Didn't you ever learn
not to turn your back
on the enemy, huh?
- You guys are too stupid
to be called my enemy.
- How's your sex life, Houdini?
- Yeah, I heard your
dick disappeared.
Blub, blub, blub, bleeb, presto!
- Chicks must really
love that S&M shit!
Especially with you being the
one wearing the blindfold!
- For Christ's sake,
straighten your tie a bit.
What'll he think,
Lieutenant's coming.
Morning, Lieutenant.
- Hey, guys.
- Morning to you.
- Good morning.
- Heya doin'?
- Lieutenant.
- Good morning, Lieutenant,
you're looking
very chipper today.
That tie is a very nice--
- Fuck off!
- You hear anything new
in that stripper case?
- The less we hear
about it, the better.
[belching loudly]
- That's lovely.
- Those burritos were good.
- Chase doesn't have any
sense of smell, remember?
Just go ahead and fart.
Come on
- Get started, come on.
- Hey, I'm trying.
It's got nowhere to go.
- He's not deaf, you guys.
[elevator ringing]
- Let's get outta here, guys.
Chase's stench is
killing me, oh god.
- That funny a joke?
- You ever think about
getting that thing fixed?
Here, your gonna need that.
- Ooh, hot in here.
- Nothing like the smell
of a beautiful lady
lavished in lust.
[elevator rings]
Excuse me.
- You've been costing the
department too much money.
I'm assigning you a
second pair of eyes.
- What?
A partner, me, moi?
Is this coming from
the masturbating duo?
- Dana and Kyle have nothing
to do with this, Chase.
- Hey look, Chief, you know
I always make good, right?
- All right, look, the
perps might have gotten away
but I nicked one
of 'em really good.
He's gonna be leaving a trail
of blood wherever he goes.
All you gotta do is
send out the hounds
and you'll find him
licking his wounds.
- No no no no no.
It's been too much,
too often, it's final.
As of now, you're
gonna have a partner
to slow you down and keep
you in the traffic lanes.
You got that?
- This just came in.
Hey, Chase.
- Hey, Kelly.
- You been drinking again?
Smell yourself,
you smell terrible.
- [Secretary] Captain,
Sergeant Kuluhan is here.
- Okay, great.
Now, look, Chase, don't
scare this one away.
We're talking first
rate credentials here.
Top of the class.
Narcotics, homicide,
firearms, special tactics.
Expert in Taekwondo,
judo, you name it.
- Are you kidding me?
Who is this, Rambo?
- Chief, I'm outta
here, I'm history.
Hasta la vista, baby, I'm gone.
Call me if the going
gets rough, all right?
[romantic music]
Big mistake, I think I'll
stick around for a while.
- Of course.
Sergeant Kuluhan, this
is Detective Chase Nash.
He's got a foul tongue,
but a sweet heart
once you get to know him.
- Yes, we met.
- Tight buns, nice
to see you again.
- You'll have to
excuse him, Sergeant.
He's a bit off
balance on account
of a bad decision he
was just about to make.
Luckily, something brought
him back to his senses.
- Actually, two things
brought me back to my senses.
- Do you think that's enough
of a feel, Detective Nash?
- Oh yeah, sure.
Unless you want me to take off
your shirt and do it right.
- That's enough, Chase.
I'm assigning the two of
you on to the stripper case.
- The stripper case.
That's the hauling
out bodies, isn't it?
- Sounds like it's
right up your alley.
- Oh, you're funny.
I've had my share of
full bodies, thank you.
I'm not deprived, like you.
- Oh, what makes you
think I'm deprived?
- Very obvious.
The way you hold your body
so stiff and defensive-like.
- Ever occur to you
that maybe women
like me just don't
like men like you.
- Never thought of that.
Got myself a nun.
- Do you mind, Chase?
- Now so far we got
Special Tactics, the FBI,
Vicap, and even the
CIA in on this one.
The whole thing's
getting worse and
we're not getting any better.
What we have here is a precedent
in criminal
investigation history.
Now I wouldn't even think
about screwing it up any worse
by sending you in, Chase,
but, hell, I still owe ya.
Now maybe, just maybe, with
the class of Sergeant Kuluhan
beside you you might get
it straight this time.
- Well, we'll look good anyway.
Sounds good to me, Chief.
We'll have it bagged tight and
cleaned up in a couple days.
Right, Sarge?
- You watch yourself,
Detective Nash,
and we'll just do fine together.
- Ooh, I got myself a live one.
- Don't worry, I'll
take care of it.
- Let me escort you
outside, if you don't mind.
I mean, don't touch
the merchandise.
Can I just look at it?
First I gotta bag
Sergeant Stuck-up
then I'll solve the case.
- Chase!
- So what did the chief
mean by still owing you?
- A lot of people owe me, Sarge,
but not many people pay me back.
[elevator rings]
- Hold it!
We don't wanna go in there.
This one's filled with
four big assholes.
- That was great, that
was great, Sergeant!
You see the expressions
on their faces?
It was like they
saw the Grim Reaper!
I'm telling you, me and you,
we got a great future--
- Hold it!
Look, Detective, we
owe each other nothing.
That was only spur
of the moment destiny
back there shining it's
benevolence upon you.
- Gosh, what a lucky guy.
I definitely see a
grandiose destiny ahead
for the two of us.
[sirens blaring]
[dramatic music]
Hey, Sloppy Joe.
What's going down here?
- You don't wanna see it, Chase.
It'll make you throw up.
- It's all right,
I didn't eat yet.
What is it?
- Yuck, looks like
something from outer space.
Welcome to the
stripper case, Kiddo.
Ho, hey, I like
your new partner!
- [Dispatcher] 10-4, under
the Fifth Street Bridge.
Sightings of stripper victims.
Keep vicinity on lock down.
- Hey, Chase, smile!
You're on fuckin'
Candid Camera from Mars!
- Hey, that's my bad side.
- Every side is your
bad side, asshole.
- It wasn't their lucky day.
- [Dispatcher] Department
of Health notified.
May need quarantine.
No body fluids or organs
thought to exist in the bodies.
Checking for radioactivity.
- I tried to tell them
that crime don't pay.
- That's your hit?
- Yup.
Looks like somebody big and
bad finished the job also, huh?
- There's nothing to
take fingerprints of.
Christ, even the
fingerprints are gone.
- Something's going
down all right.
There's no telling how
long they've been dead
without organs or
internal liquids.
I don't know who's
dong this or how.
I'm betting it's arcane.
- Well, Sarge, let's
look at the upside.
They nailed the bad guy.
The other stripper victims
were also sought after perps.
So who's ever plying voodoo
seems to be on our side.
- Yeah, for now.
- [Dispatcher] All personnel,
do not make physical contact
with the victims, radioactivity
and contamination possible.
- Been in this business
for 25 years and I've seen
more twisted bodies then
worms in the ground.
Doesn't make sense.
There was no entry,
therefore, logically,
there should be no exit.
- But we do have a hollow body.
- Body?
Why don't you get
more bicycle pumps
so I can pump 'em up to see
what they used to look like!
Definitely not death
by natural causes.
Chase, what's going on here?
I'm not a religious man, but
if you do not wrap this up
real soon, I'm taking
up the good book
and I'm not talking
about Gray's Anatomy.
[dramatic music]
[infant crying]
[bullets firing]
- How's your head
feel now, super cop?
- Yeah, told you he didn't
have any brain in there.
[guns firing]
- Hey, take two aspirin.
And don't ever
fucking call me again.
- I just love being me.
- [Announcer] Detective
Chase and Sergeant Madison.
- Madison, yeah, first
class all the way.
That's what I said.
- Anything compared to you is
first class, Detective Nash.
- Oh ho ho, real cute.
I told you you're cute.
- Hey, Martin, how
is it out there?
- Hard, it's really
tough out there.
- Any tricks?
- Okay, Madison, ready
to rock and roll?
Okay, tally-ho, let's go.
Madison, if you'll accompany me.
Let's check out this area.
Hey, Sarge.
Anybody ever tell you you
look really sexy in uniform?
I can't concentrate on anything.
- You know, if I
were you, Detective,
I'd keep my attention elsewhere.
[gun blasting]
- Good God.
Gosh, just having
you near me makes me
all hot and flustered
like, Sarge.
- Oh yeah?
Well, go home and take a
shower, I'll finish up here.
[guns blasting]
- Hey, not bad, not bad,
but some like it hot.
I hear somebody else.
One down, let's see
who else is left.
No, no!
[gun basting]
And some like it hotter.
Oh boy, I gotta get a hold
here, he almost got us.
- A knight in shining armor?
[gun blasting]
- When the going gets tougher,
the tougher gotta
get going, Madison.
I don't wanna spook you, so
close your eyes on this one.
- My god!
- Ah!
- What are you doing?
Why are you doing
this to yourself?
- When the real
time comes, I may be
shot, wounded, hurt,
delirious with pain.
I gotta remain focused
on what I want.
- Detective?
Is this virtual reality or what?
[gun blasting]
- How ya doin', Madison?
When the big one shows
up, I'll be ready for it.
- What big one?
- When it arrives,
you'll know it.
Matter of fact, we're
all gonna know it.
Lets go get our score.
I feel like I did five miles.
- This is crazy and insane.
You're reasoning is totally
warped, Detective Nash.
- Hey look, I never
said it was the
Good Housekeeping
stamp of approval.
I got my share of
knots, all right?
- Yeah, like the hangman's
noose dangling over your head.
- [Announcer] Winner,
with a new high score.
300 perfect points,
Detective Nash.
[crowd applauds]
[crowd cheers]
- All right, I won!
Ah, I feel like Marciano
after the fight.
- Don't look like you
won to me, retard.
- Ooh, Jesus, hey,
this guy is tough.
- Oh, yeah.
- He's meant to be tough.
You know, Nash, if you
don't watch yourself
we're gonna have to
take you to the doctor
so he can check your
brain so that you
don't get any booboos anymore.
- Hey, Kyle, I'm outta bullets.
I can't put you
outta your misery.
In the meantime, so you
don't look like a damn fool,
why don't you zipper up your fly
before your wee little
wee-wee falls out.
Take care of these
guys, real pissers.
- Little pissers.
- How'd he know
yours is so little?
Oh, I'm sorry.
You know, maybe
there's something
to this ESP thing, I don't know.
- Oh, it needs to
be disinfected.
Put your gun away.
Let's get some peroxide on that.
- I could put you on it.
- You're right out
of the cookoo's nest.
You know that, Nash?
- I know.
- Stop messing around.
Okay, bite on a bullet or
something, this is gonna hurt.
- Let me swallow my gum first.
- That's not gonna help much.
- It's not gonna hurt.
- Jesus!
- What's the matter?
- What are you, a terminator?
Don't you feel pain?
- Sarge, just having
you next to me
to touch me numbs me in ecstasy.
- Do your own then.
- Hey, Sarge, hold the wheel
for me for a minute, would ya?
It's here somewhere.
- I didn't know undercover
meant six feet under.
- Don't bury us yet, Sarge.
Me and you got possibility.
- If anyone's gonna bury
us, Detective Nash, its you!
- Hey, don't you think you
can call me something a little
sweeter by now,
we're all buddies?
Call me Chase!
- Driving under the influence is
against the law in
case you forgot.
- Okay, want me
to give myself up?
[tires screeching]
- I'd call it police corruption.
- Hey, don't tell me
about police corruption!
I can tell you about
police corruption
and it's not me, all right?
- Well, what are
you talking about?
- I'd tell you, but
I gotta be drunk.
- You're terrible.
- Not bad yourself.
- No, I mean, you're
really terrible.
- I mean, you're really
not bad yourself.
Why don't you come
a little closer?
I don't bite, you know.
- Would you keep
your eye on the road?
Keep your mind on work!
- Damn, I got that itch.
I get it every so often.
It drives me crazy
like a bad tick.
Oh, man.
Son of a bitch.
- All right, where's
the damn itch?
- Right here.
No, have to move
around, further.
Come on further
around, a little bit.
Oh, closer.
There you go.
Oops, it's gone.
- Ooh!
- I couldn't help myself.
What's the matter, ain't
you ever been kissed before?
- Look, Detective, let's get
something straight right now.
This isn't some frivolous
preppy college fraternity
to see who fucks the chick!
We're here on emergency
police business and we
have a case to crack
and we better do it soon
before half the
city falls victim
to this monster from
the black lagoon!
So grow up fast!
- Here, Sarge, you need a
drink after a sermon like that.
- That's it!
Stop the car, pull over!
- Hey, hey, take it
easy, I'm on the wagon.
No more beer, all right?
Here look, no more,
finished, okay?
That's it.
I'll start drinking soda.
Some wine, maybe?
Only kidding, all
right, no more drinking.
- Watch out!
God, your crazy!
Stop this car right now.
You hear me, Detective Nash.
I'll have you up for
immediate suspension.
Not to mention
sexual harassment.
- I don't think he liked
that you missed him.
He's coming back for some more.
- What?
- Take a look.
- Jesus, you bring bad luck!
- Scared?
- No, I'm not scared, I'm a
trained professional, remember?
[gun firing]
- That son of a bitch,
he blew my balls!
- I don't believe this!
- Welcome to Chase's
Believe It or Not!
[gun firing]
Wow, you really pissed him off.
Probably some psychoneurotic
who decided to kill himself
tonight by a head-on collision,
but you ruined his plan.
- Would you shut up,
you're ruining my aim!
- How about your life?
- That, too.
- You have any powder in
those bullets or what?
- Nine millimeter
rounds are deadly.
[gun firing]
- Son of a bitch.
Sarge, put your seatbelt on.
- Give me a break.
- Good shooting, did
you hit him once?
- Haven't missed
once, Mr. Fabulous.
- Yeah, how come
he's still coming?
- I'm calling for help.
It's dead.
- I didn't connect it yet.
- What?
- When it's all over, we'll stop
at a phone booth and call it in.
Right now, hold on.
I wanna take a good look
at him shootin' at us.
Hold on.
[tires screeching]
- What are you doing?
- You made me miss him before.
This time he's not
gonna be so lucky.
- [Madison] You're one sick pup.
- Yeah, I got my moments.
- You're gonna kill us!
Watch out!
[tires screeching]
- Come on, buddy-boo.
[gun firing]
- What, does he
got, a cat burne?
Hey, you lucky son of a bitch!
Who's shooting the
pickles now, huh?
You see me hit his lights?
- Yeah.
- I hit his lights, right?
- Yeah.
- Well, how come
they didn't blow?
- I don't know.
- See how the bum like this.
- Must be Goodyear.
- The whole car's bulletproof.
- It's almost like
he's bulletproof.
- Maybe he's returned
from the dead.
- Yeah, well, let's
send him back!
Hey look, you suicidal bastard,
whoever the hell you are!
Don't worry about your
plans being ruined
because I'm gonna kill ya!
Just yell out
before it's all over
what kinda flowers you
want at your funeral!
- What are you doing?
It's over, Nash!
- Night's just beginning, Maddy!
- You are one crazy bastard!
- It's fun being me.
- What kind of gasoline
are we burning?
- NASA rocket fuel.
- Slow down!
- Nothing like living
dangerously, Maddy.
Makes you enjoy the
walks in the park.
- Yeah, right!
Like playing dead
at Forest Lawn.
What are you doing?
You're pushing your
already bad luck!
- Scared yet?
- No, only the
unknown scares me.
I knew your number
a long time ago.
Oh shit!
- Oh, so you do have a vice?
- Driven to smoke
by a crazy like you!
Oh my god, this is too much.
- Little itsy bitsy scared yet?
How do you like the view?
- I don't, this is suicide.
I can't see a damn thing.
- I can see you, but
you don't look so bad.
Hey, Maddie, you sure you
can't see a damn thing?
- Not a damn thing!
- Good, I'll drink to that.
- Look out!
- Man, I'm not gonna spill it.
- This can't be happening,
this is only a bad dream.
You will awake.
Detective Chase will
only be a fading memory.
[bats screeching]
Creepy little shits.
[gun firing]
- No, we're gonna close up!
- Huh?
- Nevermind.
- Oh shit!
Chase, get the fuck
outta here now!
- You called me Chase.
[rocks falling]
Damn, that's twice
they got away from me.
- You are by far the most
pompous, inconsiderate
law enforcer I have
ever had the misfortune
of almost dying with!
- Is that right, Miss
Complaint Department?
If I'm ever gonna have
to die with somebody,
it's definitely not
gonna be you, okay?
- Yeah, well don't
do me ny favors.
- I won't.
I haven't seen you perform
any great wonders yet.
- When you do, you'll know it.
- Yeah, I'll know it.
You're gonna save
the world, right?
Jesus, all this
nagging, I need a drink.
- Make that two.
- What do you drink?
- Tequila, straight up, 1800.
[rock music]
So, you have the car rigged
on remote or somethin'?
- No, just instinct.
- Instinct don't steer a car
through a pitch black tunnel
when you're not looking
and you can't see diddly.
- Especially if my
instinct is busy doing
something else like steering
my hormones right your way.
- Excuse me?
- I'm psychic, okay ESP?
Do do do do, do do do do.
Sarge, I can see with my
eyes opened or closed.
It don't matter, far or near.
Except my mind has
eyes on the outside.
- Now, you're scaring me.
- Good, your facade
is weakening.
Welcome to the club.
- So why you so bash angry?
- Read the accident reports.
I'm a living freak.
Without warning I can go
into a psychedelic frenzy,
peer into distant future events.
Different dimensions,
for crying out loud!
I didn't ask for this!
It was the accident.
You wanna see something, Sarge?
Gunshot wood from the
Cotton-Lansky case.
I was in a coma for two weeks.
Corpus delicti was I
became a guinea pig,
a marvel, a wonder,
the sous-saint prodigy.
Phenomenon of nature,
volcanic eruption.
They called me every
name in the book.
Because of this.
- My god.
I've heard of these things,
but I never met a real--
- Crazy?
- Before.
- You know, it's funny, Sarge.
Years ago, we'd smoke
reefers just beckoning
to find the altered
Right now, if I had a choice,
I wouldn't touch it
with a 10-foot pole.
- [Madison] So
that's why you drink?
- You got it, it numbs me.
I'm on manic overdrive
most of the time.
It's another reason why
I'm great at what I do.
- Shit.
Talk about a good line of gab.
We've been shot at,
pursued mystery perps
through dark, abandoned tunnels,
almost killed by an avalanche
and all in the name of ESP.
Well, tell me Mr. Psychic Cop,
what's your sous saint
oracle of the mind
saying about what happens next?
- If I'm hearing correctly,
something about partners in bed.
- Wishful thinking,
tall, dark, and handsome.
Bet you'll be quick to
leave like all run arounds.
I also have foresight.
- She has foresight,
I have hindsight
and it doesn't look
too bad from here.
[soft rock music]
Sarge, I know you've been hurt.
I've been hurt, too.
I'm not the bad guy.
You don't have to if
you don't want to.
You probably won't until you do.
But you can trust me.
Maybe if you give it some
time, we can help each other.
You looking for somebody, honey?
- I certainly am.
And it is definitely not you.
- Well, what about you?
- You know what they say
about cops with big guns?
They have small--
- Nevermind.
- Looks like it's
not your lucky night.
- It's not my lucky life.
- Who you calling, the
lonely lovers hotline?
- Funny.
I'm calling in the plates
on the mystery mobile.
You never know, it might be
connected to the stripper case.
- How'd you see the plates?
- Fore--
- Foresight, I know.
[gun firing]
- No, not again!
[tires screeching]
[sirens blaring]
- Approximately 35 year old
male, gunshot wound to the head.
- Come on, Chase, hold on.
You're bigger and
better than that.
Is he gonna make it?
- Some do, some don't.
90 over 80.
- He isn't some don't,
he's gonna make it.
- Promise me you'll balance
the shift to make it equal.
- What did he say?
- Oh, he's just delirious.
- To hire places.
- [Woman Spirit] You're
not allowed to go up there.
- [Male Spirit] You're
not betraying us.
- [EMT] He's going into shock.
- Chase.
Hold on.
- Current status?
- They've already penetrated
the dimension of redemption?
- The level of angels?
- Yes, but will they be able
to pass through the lights?
- Not known yet.
- But it is the absence of
light that creates evil.
Once illuminated by the
highest wisdom's illumination,
it must be destroyed.
- Yes, but when forces of
evil gain power and form,
the force of good is weakened,
and thus in turn
weakens the light.
- Then what of
unspeakable highest judge
of all, the creator?
Will he allow himself
to be destroyed?
- He will not go
back on his own law.
Free will to Man will
not be intervened.
- The creator has
intervened before.
- As decreed during that period.
If Man's pull to evil would
greatly outweigh his pull
to good, then it
would be left to Man
to witness his own demise.
- Even if it means
destruction to all,
including the unspeakable?
- If the almighty allows this.
- Was it really a suicide?
- And up.
- Okay, come on, hold
him, he's hemorrhaging.
- Administer another five
cc's of sodium pentathol.
- Right, doctor.
- All right, let's see
what we've got here.
- Ah, Christ, he's a gusher.
- The EEGs all over the place.
- The bullet must be
touching the corpus callosum.
- And he's hallucinating
while unconscious.
That's a tidbit
for the journals.
- I'll say.
- [Nurse] Heart rate
is dropping, Doctor.
- [Nurse] We are not
stopping the hemorrhaging.
- This is unbelievable.
- 45.
- 33.
- 40.
- I don't know what to do.
- [Woman] 35.
- [Man] He's getting
close to brain dead.
- [Woman] 30.
- We gotta stop the bleeding.
If it's right next to the corpus
callosum, you can't go in.
- What you're saying is
if we cut him he dies,
if we don't cut him, he dies?
- We're losing him, doctor.
- 35, we're losing him, doctor.
- Let's have a decision.
- [Doctor] Get the saw
ready, we're going in.
Give me a number three scalpel.
- Stop, change of plans.
Freeze him, freeze
him to near death.
Welcome back, Chase.
More exciting the
second time around, huh?
Well, uh, he has a hard
head so the bullet didn't go
too deep, or it would
have been instant.
The downside is that
the entry is right next
to the previous wound,
compounding the damage
by creating an instant aneurysm,
which is a blood vessel
that has ballooned
in this case to the
size of a golf ball.
With normal blood
pressure, operating is like
operating on a balloon.
If it bursts, the
patient's lost.
So we're trying a very new
and somewhat risky procedure
whereby his body and
brain are frozen,
allowing us sufficient
time and control
for surgery before brain death.
At this point, I can only
suggest that you pray.
I'm sorry.
- Thanks.
- There it is, this
is the last of it.
A 'Vette, '72 white Corvette.
Anthony Maroni, age 72,
resides at Gail Park,
516 Perkins Street.
Nothing else even fits the bill.
- Think back, Chester.
Did he say anything else?
- Nothing.
Poor guy, this was his
second time around, huh?
[phone ringing]
- Yeah.
All right, thanks.
- Sorry, wish I coulda
had better news.
What a bummer.
I'm gonna be haunted
by those last words,
I owe you for a long time.
[dramatic music]
- What?
- Nothing.
Just before he got shot,
he said he owes me.
You know, for a hot shot
cop he was an okay guy.
- I owe you, you said
there was nothing else.
I owe you, A VET IOU.
[computer beeping]
- There it is.
A, American, VET, veteran, IOU.
He's a post-Nam freak
groping for revenge.
Son of a bitch, thanks!
- Sorry, Chase, you
don't owe me nothing.
I owe you, man.
[sirens blaring]
- Hey, Sarge, I need
your John Hancock.
It's all yours.
- Hey, sweet cop.
- I hear Chase has taken off,
bedridden in a deep slumber.
- Too bad about
your partner, Sarge,
but I knew if he didn't slow
down he'd burst a bubble.
Of course, you're actually
lucky that Chase is in a coma.
- Lucky, why?
- Because now you're ready
for some real, live partners.
- You know, let me tell
you somethin', sweetie.
We figured you must be lonely,
so me and my buddy here,
we're willing to swing
a little trio action,
you know what I'm saying?
- Yeah.
- Ooh, the three of us?
- Yeah.
- We're givers, we love to give.
Like these guys,
what do you think?
That ain't Twister, you
know what I'm saying?
- What makes you
think I'm interested?
- Look, you got a
great pair of legs,
but, I mean, how far is
looks gonna get ya when you
got a six-foot-four
maniac shooting
buckshot at you point blank?
- Look, what my partner
here is suggesting is
that maybe, you know, you
could use a little bit
of private lessons.
'Cause there's
nothing that we don't
know or can't teach you.
- So what you're saying is,
you don't think I
can handle myself.
- You're a class A piece
of ass, I'll give you that.
As far as being an
undercover cop is concerned,
you gotta stick with us
and you'll be free-falling
with your eyes closed.
- Go fuck yourselves.
Chase in a coma is a
lot more interesting
than the two of you with
your tongues hanging out.
And you dress terrible.
I'm a little pissed off.
- Hey, you know what?
I think Archie's
cleaners can get that out
'cause I dripped some
calzone all the way down my
shirt one time and got--
- Shut up!
She's knows somethin'.
- [Dispatcher] Kuluhan,
what's your pinpointing?
- Proceeding towards perps'
address, nice neighborhood.
- [Dispatcher] 10-4,
proceed with caution.
- Bingo.
The suspect's '72 low rider
plates A VET IOU parked outside.
No one seen in vicinity, over.
- [Dispatcher] Roger that.
Requesting backup?
- No, consider it
under control, over.
- [Dispatcher] 10-4, but
proceed with caution.
Hey, watch your ass
out there, Kuluhan.
This stripper case has
got us all freaked out.
[dramatic music]
[gun fires]
[cat screeches]
This ain't no skunk.
[wings flapping]
[monster growls]
Oh my god!
- Jesus, man, looks like she
just saw a ghost or something.
- Yeah, bet it wasn't Chase's.
Take and look and see what's
spooking the bitch, huh?
- Holy shit!
It's another stripper victim.
- Let's get the fuck
outta here, man.
Voodoo's not my scene.
- Wait a minute, man,
we can't just run.
We gotta call it in.
- Doesn't look like she is, man.
[tires screeching]
- You're right, let's go.
Let's go, come on.
[engine failing]
- Fuck.
- You're on empty.
- Son of a bitch, I
told you to full it up!
- I did, I filled
it up two days ago.
I filled it up.
Come back!
- I'm sorry, Sarge,
no one's allowed in.
- Oh, come on.
- Doctor's orders,
I wish I could.
- Oh, miss, there's
no smoking here.
- I'm a cop for Christ sakes.
- You could be the
first lady or a fireman,
there's still no smoking.
[monitor beeping]
[dramatic music]
- Oh, oh god!
Oh god!
I gotta get outta here!
Oh god!
Please, please.
- I don't know
what to do, doctor.
- [Man] I'm not getting a pulse.
- Put him in restraints.
Betty, give more Valium
and get some Haldol ready.
- [Man] Jesus what the
hell's wrong with him?
- I thought it was a
coma, but I don't know.
He's split into
alternating consciousness.
- Look at the
His REM is hitting the roof.
- [Man] Jesus, nobody
can dream like that.
It's like he's there.
- Come on, Freud didn't
describe this phenomenon.
Maybe it's the equipment.
- Forget the
equipment, look at him.
A reinforced entry to
the corpus callosum,
coma induced, severe blood loss,
in and out of suspended
animation, forCchrist's sake!
He can walk out of
here if we let him.
No, no, this is Chase,
and what we're dealing
with here is a branch
of medicine that's a
little left wing for us,
- Psychic phenomena?
- [Doctor] That's right.
[dramatic music]
[monitor beeping]
- I'd never thought
I'd be relieved
to see a patient fall
back into a coma.
- Now, the question is
how to get him back out.
- Hm.
I don't think you have
to worry about that.
I think the real problem is
what the hell is bothering him?
- Your actions were
totally imbecile!
You went against professional
procedure followup.
Pursue, restrain if
possible, and inform.
Officers, Beebe and York, I
want a full written report
on my desk by morning
as to why you didn't
notify your dispatcher
after locating not
only a homicide, but
a stripper homicide!
- You know, it was a--
- After witnessing
Sergeant Kuluhan take off
like she just saw the
Grim Reaper or something,
we capitulated to the assumption
that it was better
to follow suit.
We didn't think it was
prudent to do anything
beyond the call of
duty at the time.
- Oh spare me, will
you please, you two!
- Did you capitulate
as to leave your car
at the scene of the
crime because you
felt it better for your
health to jog back to central?
Another no-no.
You left an on vehicle, property
of the police department,
at an un-investigated
homicide site unattended!
As for you two emulating your
hero, Sarge Kuluhan here,
who do you think called it in?
She did.
How do you think
we found your car?
Go on, get out.
There's a request for some
police protection tonight.
Annual charity ball
for underprivileged
children is being
held at Francine's.
I'll consider it in good faith
against your errors
if you attend.
Or are you afraid
of the dark, too?
- No, the dark is good.
Jack of diamonds.
- What the hell is
happening chief?
The guy that shoots Chase becomes
the next stripper victim?
- I don't know, an act of god.
Look, Sergeant, Chase was
an ace cracker jack cop.
I'm sorry about the news.
I thought maybe the two
of you might be able
to pave some headway into
this frivolous affair.
Maybe I was just
asking for too much.
- There's something
really terrible going
on out there and I think
Chase may have an idea.
- What the fuck are
you talkin' about?
Excuse my profanity, but you're
not exactly a barbie doll.
You've been around
so we can talk, okay?
It'll be an outright
miracle if Chase
were to pull out of this one.
- Well, then you'd
better party for it
because there ain't
nothin' that's gonna fight
with that shit that's pulling
out the insides of bodies.
- I'm assigning
you to active duty
on the Cohandro heroin
case starting tomorrow.
- What?
Wait a second, you're
playing two sides.
What's goin' down,
Chief, you sellin' out?
- Sergeant, there's some
super powered docs going
on here that defies explanation.
Look at this.
Reports coming in
from different cities.
New York.
Seattle, Kansas, it's spreading.
The same goddamn
thing is happening.
Even Interpol is
standing by and nobody
knows what the
hell is happening.
Our own morgue is being
filled with paper-thin bodies.
Some jerk down at
personnel made a joke
about just stacking 'em
up like pieces of paper.
But, by the same token, and
this is the most ironic thing
of all, this holocaust is
cleaning out all the evil scum.
Every victim has been an
unscrupulous wicked criminal.
You call it what you
want, the wrath of God,
divine atonement.
All I know is it's making my
job a hell of a lot easier.
- You sure it's
obedience is gonna stay
on the side of law and order?
- What guarantees do
we have of anything
in this day and age except
life and death, Sergeant?
- Chief, you're saying it
but you don't believe it.
- [Chief] What are
you a mind reader?
- I spent some time
with Detective Nash,
maybe some of it's rubbed off.
- What do you know?
- Enough.
- That's too bad.
Chase was the piece
de resistance.
- What happened to Chase
back then with the accident?
- He always was gnostic
about his hunches,
even before the accident.
It came down to him
being the guinea pig
because nobody else
believed in the setup.
He went in alone and
busted wide open an
impenetrable drug hierarchy all
hidden in puff cotton balls.
He got hit, you know the rest.
- Chief, he's got a power.
He could see without eyes.
He's got a strange
depth of field.
He can see very far and
he can see very close,
and he can see both
at the same time.
He sees things from a
different perspective.
I drove with him as he
maneuvered through pitch black
tunnels better than if he
was in Florida sunshine.
- I know.
He can do more than
that, if he lives.
- Well, if the psychic guy
is listening or watching,
he must know that we need him.
Come back, Chase.
[monitor beeping]
[bell ringing]
- Oh, I'm sea sick, I
think I'm gonna throw up!
- Hang on, I got some
medicine in your case.
- Da da da da da.
- Thank you, thank you,
ladies and gentlemen,
warm, generous, prestigious
friends for being here tonight.
[children chattering]
How we doin', all right, yeah?
- [Dana] I gotta tell
you, no amount of money is
gonna save some of these kids.
- All of the proceeds from
tonight's dinner are going
to go directly to
the children's bank.
Any additional donations
or provisions will
be accepted by our
chancellor of finance!
[crowd cheers]
[crowd applauds]
- I just wanted to tell
you, you're doing a great.
In fact, you know, you
look just like Jerry Lewis.
- Thank you, thank you.
- Okay, we have with us
tonight the world's hottest.
Hi, that's great,
thanks, all right.
Right, the super fantastic,
League of Nations, male snails!
- Woo, here we go, just
home, ladies and gentlemen!
Give to the kids!
[children chattering]
- Oh, Henry was a
snail driving, man!
A snail driving man!
- What do you say we come
out of our shells and
protect the female guests, huh?
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
Hey, uh, you protect the
blonde, I'll protect the bruney.
- Gotcha!
- Whoo!
- Hey.
- Take that, won't ya.
- We're on break, thanks.
- Hi, sweetheart, how ya doin'?
- Hi.
- Hey, little guy,
how's it goin'?
- Terrible, I wanna go.
- Did you just get transferred?
- Yeah.
- Pretty lonely, huh?
- I'm always lonely.
I wish I was dead so I
could be with my Mom.
- Hey, come on, I bought black.
- Give it to me.
- It's mine.
- Hold on, dudes.
Confucius say you got to share,
be totally yin and yang, man.
- Where we come from, yin
and yang eat the fire.
- You like red
hot chili peppers?
Burn, burn!
[audience applauds]
Excuse me, I'll be right back.
- Come here, what's the matter?
Why are you crying?
Not enjoying the party?
- Ah, geez, spoiled brat.
All he wants is a little
shoulder to cry on.
It's a bid for attention,
that's all it is.
- The kids scared to death!
- What do you think,
he saw a ghost or what?
- You know what they say about
kid's intuitions, don't you?
- No.
[monitor beeping]
[dramatic music]
[devilish laughing]
- [Devil] Cut their
reins, make them suffer.
[devilish laughing]
Yes, suffer!
- Oh my god!
[people screaming]
- Geez, let's get outta here.
- Police, police!
- [Man] Gotta get
outta here, man!
- [Female Spirit] Is
there anything to be done?
- It would have to be a human
and not an ordinary human.
- Most curious.
- It has been through antiquity
with the higher forces.
Any man who tried it had died.
It is reversed.
[monitor flatlining]
- Oh my god.
- Jesus.
- He won't make it five minutes.
[sirens blaring]
- [Radio Announcer] The
mystery deaths accounted
to the psycho stripper case are
surging cataclysmically upward.
Nine children, wards of the
state, were slain last night
by the supernatural death
during a charity at Francine's.
No bodies were found.
The question everyone
is asking, but afraid
to find out is where will
this horror strike next?
- What the hell is happening?
What the hell is happening?
Do you hear me whoever,
whatever you are,
what is happening?
- [Radio Announcer] The
stripper holocaust has
reached worldwide
epidemic proportions.
Officials from world
security councils
are in emergency
code procedures.
What to do, where to hide,
seem to be heartwarming
panaceas from the past.
This incurable pestilence
has the world to its knees.
[dramatic music]
- Let's go, go!
- No, somebody help us!
[gun firing]
[tires screeching]
[Woman] Somebody help us!
Somebody help us!
- Let's go!
[guns firing]
- Move go!
- No!
- Come on, get your
fucking ass in gear!
- Go, go!
- No!
- Forget the woman,
just take the kid!
[gun firing]
- Mommy, mommy!
- Get in, get in.
- Get in the car,
move, get in the car!
- Fuck you!
[plane soaring]
[tires screeching]
- You're a bad man,
give me my mommy!
You're a bad man!
- Shut that fuckin' kid up!
- Stop it, little shit!
- Damn, you knocked
that little bitch out!
- You're damn right!
- You know, that pisses me off.
These guys are making me mad.
- What's this guy doing?
[rifle firing]
What the fuck is
going on over here?
- Get rid of this mother fucker!
- Fuck this!
- [Driver] What the hell
is, what's his problem?
- I got a fucking
chip on my shoulder!
I'm not talking
about potato or corn.
I'm talking about hot salsa!
[guns firing]
- Bye, mother fucker!
- Oh shit go!
- You guys got me
out of my depth, man.
This better be worth it.
- Goddamn it!
- Go!
- Cover your ass.
- [Man] Go!
- Blow his fucking
brains out, man!
- [Man] If he catches me,
I'm blowing your head off!
- I'm here to pick
up the little kid!
- [Man] Hey, cover me,
man, I'm reloading.
- Who the hell is he anyway?
- Hi, Uncle Chase is here!
- Go!
- [Driver] Jesus fucking Christ!
What the fuck is his problem?
[muted screams]
- Mommy, Mommy!
Mommy, Mommy!
- Oh god, so that's why
it goes after the evil,
because it can't take the good.
- Hey, take this.
What do I look like,
a waitress here?
Take this.
- Fucking blueberry!
You know I hate
fucking blueberry!
- So shoot me, man,
they were outta custard.
What the fuck do you
want me to do about it?
- Shit!
- Christ almighty!
- Ah!
- Jesus.
- Fuck!
- You see this shit?
- [Kyle] What?
Are you outta your
fucking mind or what?
- What is this, you
don't know that by now?
Grab her.
- What the fuck is this?
- Her Mom was just
killed in cold blood
in the Trust of Los Angeles.
Perps are laying dead in the
middle of a large coal field.
Their bodies need to be driven
back like just the strippers.
- What else is new?
What do you want us to do,
be the mother and
father for her?
- Why not, you guys get it on
with each other, don't you?
- Fuck you!
- That's fucking funny, Chase!
- You gotta purge yourself
from your evil ways, man.
I saw this thing
and it takes evil.
You don't wanna
fool around with it.
- Fuck you, man!
- It's a mist from hell.
It rises from the depths of
the bottomless pit of hell!
And then it sucks out your soul.
It's gonna destroy everything.
- Bullshit, Chase.
Depths of hell, bullshit!
I don't believe you,
you're full of shit!
- Hey, wait a minute,
are you serious?
How do we know you're not
lying to us this time?
- You know, I don't give a shit.
I never liked you guys anyway.
Do whatever you want, all right?
- Hey, Chase, wait a minute.
Hey, what did you say that
evil mist looks like, man?
- Like that.
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
Hey, Beau, Beau, come here, man.
Take the girl, take
her back to central.
Hey, we gotta do something
good spirited very quick.
Very quick.
- Asshole.
- Stop yelling profanities,
it'll get you first.
Then it'll get me cause
it thinks I'm with you.
No, we're fucked.
- We're outta here!
- Let's go!
[upbeat music]
[soft rock music]
- If I never see you again.
I know you were my friend.
- I thought it was
against the rules
to drink while on duty.
- Who's gonna report me?
You're not real,
you're just a ghost.
- If I were, I might be
able to fight the monsters.
We still partners?
- Chase?
I thought you were dead!
I thought you were
dead laying somewhere!
- Chase.
Now, we're getting someplace.
- I just seen the light
at the end of the tunnel.
- Oh, it was probably
just a bad memory
from your last ride
with me, that's all.
- You crazy fool.
It's a wonder you're still
alive, what are you doing?
It's gonna be more
of a wonder if I
make it through the night,
I don't feel too good.
- Okay, okay, come on.
We gotta get you to the
hospital, wait, hold on.
- Don't mention
hospitals, Sarge.
I hate hospitals.
- Wait, wait.
- It's always so
rigid about sex.
- Who said anything about sex?
- Oh, you're not
gonna deny a dying
man his last wish are ya?
- Oh great, tall, dark, and
handsome and quick to leave.
That's what I said.
He's gonna make love to me
and then he's gonna die.
Well, at least I'll
be your last woman.
- I guess we're bed
partners then, huh?
- Yeah.
- Is your head okay?
- Oh, whatever you're
doing is great for my head.
That's great, come
on, round two.
- Do I have to wear
this blindfold?
- No, give it to me.
Give it to me, actually.
I think I can do better with it.
Oh, that's much better.
I can see from behind.
This is like, I can see
like a menage a trois.
There's three of us.
- Yeah, yeah?
- Wait, I'm cumming.
Wait I'm cumming, I'm going.
- Oh my god!
- Oh wait, don't go.
I'm cumming, I'm cumming.
Hold on, wait, give
me five minutes.
- No!
- Wait, wait, wait.
- No, no!
- I'm cumming, too.
I must be in heaven.
[romantic music]
- Hello.
- I'm sorry I woke
you, go back to sleep.
- No, I wanted to wake
you up to see you anyway.
- How do you feel?
- I've been worse.
Even though I don't
remember when.
You know what's so great
about no marriage sex?
You don't have to owe
each other anything.
You do it for the fun of it.
Anyway, marriage is the worst.
A gamble in this day and age.
There's no guarantees,
no insurance.
- I knew you weren't the marrying
type the minute I saw you.
You know what's causing
this terrible plague?
- Yeah.
- You know how to stop it?
- No.
- What kinda psycho
killer or psycho killers
can't be killed?
- The kind that isn't
human, beyond description.
- Something from
dark and far away.
But it can't take
anybody good or pure.
You know, I've done some
pretty nasty things in my life.
Hope they don't get me next.
[soft rock music]
[hard rock music]
Another jail break,
moving slick, moves awake
Alcatraz, time to break
Bang, bang, bang, too
plain shapes the same time
Scare crow calling,
stalk the human mind
I'm coming
- Jack!
No, no!
- [Radio Dispatcher] Doctor
Rendel, head psychiatrist
at Princeton theorizes the
neuropsychological reason
for the psycho
stripper attacks is due
to a massive universal--
- Where the hell are you?
You lousy, stinking, demons!
Where the hell are you?
[dramatic music]
- Who said good always wins?
- [Male Spirit] Does the
creator know the outcome?
- [Female Spirit]
Before existence began--
- You won't attack
me unless I'm evil.
But how I'm gonna fight them!
- [Male Spirit] As the
mysterious problems go,
your influence will
meet him at the door,
but the golden--
- Time to meet face to face.
- [Male Spirit] Man
without woman is half
and what is needed now
is more than whole.
- [Pastor] Greater love
hath no man than this.
That a man lay down his
life for his friends.
- Yes, sir.
- Amen.
- For god so loved the
world that he gave his
only begotten son
that whosoever shall
believe in him shall
not perish, but what?
[crowd applauds]
- Hallelujah!
Have everlasting life.
[choir singing]
What a fellowship,
what a joy to find
Meeting everlasting life
[people screaming]
[dramatic music]
- Where the hell were
ya, Mr. Son of God?
Died for your
sins, did your fun?
- Praise the lord,
Praise the lord!
- You wound up stuck on
a cross for Christ sakes!
You're the one needing help.
Here, let me help you down!
[wood cracking]
[people screaming]
[bell chiming]
Let's go asshole.
[dramatic music]
- Chase?
Come back!
Take me!
What the hell are you?
Take me!
Come on do it.
Just do it!
This is what you
want, just do it!
God, chicken shit!
I can't do it!
Come back you impotent
son of a bitch!
[gun fires]
[upbeat music]
- [Chase] Sarge, you came
all this way to see me.
You do love me.
- [Madison] A love,
hate relationship.
Where are we?
- [Chase] Near the beginning.
- [Madison] Looks
more like the end.
What are they?
- [Chase] The stripper demons.
- [Madison] So what,
evil's gonna win?
- [Chase] Yeah, Looks like it.
- [Madison] And you're
not gonna do anything?
- [Chase] I don't
know what to do, you?
- [Madison] No.
It would have been nice
to get to know you better.
Dreams of a house, kids.
Living happily ever after.
All dreams.
- [Chase] Sarge, dreaming!
- [Madison] What?
- [Chase] That's the answer.
Take it, take it at once.
All the demons are
Both you and me
focus, come on now.
It's like a dream,
evil don't exist.
- [Madison] I love you.
- Let's go.
Get her over here.
- Okay, his head wound is
hemorrhaging very badly.
Okay, she's taken a
bullet in the side.
- Setting on--
- Let's take a look.
- [Man] Vital signs are steady.
- He's still alive.
Stick it in their palate and
you'll make medical history.
- She's okay.
The bullet sidestepped
the danger zones.
- [Man] One lucky gal.
- Yeah, and you're
gonna make it, too.
One lucky guy.
- Hey, look what
the rain blew in.
How you doin', Chief?
- Good morning.
I don't have to tell you
what I'm about to tell you,
but as you know the stripper
case has been closed.
The consensus of world
crime agencies, it's gone.
Just a bad viral contaminant,
incubated from some
meteor fallout.
Not to mention it's most
curious that it shot
back into space after
we found the two
of you lying in
some Lutheran church
next to some KKK outfits.
Now, I'm not superstitious.
I don't have any
religious convictions,
but either you two did
some really lethal praying
or you found the burning bush.
Whatever you did, no
one's gonna believe it
so let's just keep it hush-hush.
And do me a favor,
don't tell me.
I don't wanna know, I
don't wanna know nothin'.
However you did it, you
accomplished a mission
and thanks to you,
I and a whole lot
of others can rest a lot easier.
- Thank you.
- What's this?
- Oh, a little token
of my appreciation.
- Chief, you shouldn't
have, thanks.
- Tell me something,
does this mean I can,
uh, smash up a few more cars?
- No, and if I
ever hear one word
about you driving under
the influence again
I'll suspend you quicker
than you can say stripper.
- Relax, I'm on the wagon.
I'm a brand new man,
no more drinking.
- Lieutenant.
- Thanks, bye.
- I almost forgot.
I picked up a little
present for ya.
A little something to
make my job easier.
Just make sure you wear
it when you're on duty.
- It hurts when I laugh.
It's gonna be heavy on the head.
See you later, Chief.
Talking about annoying.
- You'll hurt yourself,
get back in bed.
- Ooh, this itch is
driving me crazy.
You gotta help me
out here, let me.
If you could just scratch
me right over here
in this delicate place.
- [Madison] Chase?
- [Chase] It's driving me crazy.
- [Madison] Chase, no!
No, no!
Ooh, yes.
- [Chase] Sarge,
I gotta question.
What do you think?
You wanna get married, Sarge?
- I thought you were
the anti-marrying type.
Yeah, well that was before
we had that crazy out
of body dream and I saw how you
helped save the
universe and all that.
Seemed like a good idea to
keep you around for a while.
Listen, you're not
interested, forget about it.
- No, I'm not gonna let
you forget about it.
I'm holding you to it
and, yes, I accept.
- You accept?
Oh, you accept.
- I accept.
- You mean I gotta get married?
Well, first let me try you
out see if it works properly.
Let's just test out
the waters a bit.
- [Madison] You know
it works properly.
So you're on the wagon.
- [Chase] I'm on the wagon.
Yeah, cowboy days.
Are you talking about a
wagon, a automobile wagon?
Oh, you're talking
about the drinking kind.
That's no longer a problem.
I'm just gonna drink
fermented soda.
- [Female Voice] And so
it is that Man was made
in the image of the creator
so good will endure.
[rock music]
And the teenage
visions of my memory
All this before
became a part of me
Rising someday to eternity
Bracing the life for
all the world to see
With just one match
we can light the torch
[dramatic music]