Heavy Weapon (2026) Movie Script
1
(dramatic music)
(thunder booming)
(dramatic music continues)
(voices whispering)
(upbeat music)
Mohawk Bob here.
You ladies tired of your
man smelling like a pigsty?
Go out and buy my body
spray, Passion Pimps.
A fragrance so sensual that he will
turn into a pirate,
and you will turn over that booty.
Linus, what am I paying you for?
I just got off my break.
Aww, isn't that sweet?
Now load up, the crew will be here soon.
Yes, ma'am.
(upbeat music)
(audience cheering)
I have traveled the globe,
performed on every continent,
sold millions of records,
obtained astronomical wealth
all in the time frame of one year.
What's my secret you ask?
Well, let's just say I
keep myself occupied.
How do I remain occupied?
(gentle music)
(gun firing)
I love my occupation.
I love to keep busy.
But I don't let it distract me.
(birds chirping)
A spiritual friend of
mine told me the secret.
Her message is of dire importance.
If we do not begin to
look inside ourselves,
we will perish.
Meditation happens spontaneously.
We have to be unoccupied to attain it.
Energy moves inwards towards our center.
The source of all experience.
An occupation is just an escape.
(upbeat music)
You can read the Bible
and all the scriptures.
If you do, then that will
also become an occupation.
Humans are ignorant and blind.
They want to remain ignorant and blind
because to enter inside yourself
you have to confront chaos.
Real courage means embracing the chaos.
There's no greater courage than this.
The courage to meditate.
The courage to transcend.
In this courage you'll find God.
You'll find yourself.
(camera clicking)
(crowd shouting)
I invite you to join me on this journey.
We can explore the secret.
One that has existed
since the very beginning.
But what organized religion
does not want you to learn.
By doing so the world will
discover peace, unity, love.
And the world will be as one.
(gentle music)
(dramatic music)
I've been expecting you.
I want you to join me on this journey.
(thunder booming)
We will destroy his church,
we just need more time.
(dramatic music)
Remember our first gig,
how the crowd roared just for you?
How could I forget?
Stepping away now,
just when we've got the world listening.
You choose solitude over empire, over us.
All this (indistinct) bow down
and worship you.
I've stared into the abyss Nalum,
I don't like what's starring back.
Blurred vision perhaps?
Wrong.
In the face of shadows, I choose the light.
We've only just begun to live
White lace and promises
A kiss for luck and we're on our way
My soul, my choice.
You'd understand if you had one.
Somebody needs to get their eyes checked.
You are my slave.
I will never let you go.
(woman screaming)
Yeah, no I'm up.
What's up?
(phone buzzing)
[Caller] Damn girl, looks
like you just met a ghost.
No, I'm up.
What's up?
[Caller] Your last
gig starts in 30 minutes,
that's what's up.
Are you and Nalum gonna grace us with your-
- Keep your knickers on, we're on our way.
You can't rush greatness.
You know what I mean, jelly bean?
Yeah, I guess.
[Nalum] Somebody's in
a poopy mood today, huh?
[Passenger] I'm fine.
Let's just get this over with.
[Nalum] Now what
kind of attitude is that?
Want me to sing you a song, poopy bear?
[Passenger] Please, no.
We've only just begun to live
[Passenger] Oh God.
I will prevail.
There's a certain
power in declaring that.
It almost sounds enchanting, doesn't it?
You might be thinking
"That's easy for her to say,"
"she's been pampered and
prepped to look flawless."
And, yes, beauty can
seem like an advantage,
however-
- Hello, there, darling.
Oh, hi.
How you doing today?
Just great, how are you?
I'm fantastic.
You know, you look like an orphanage,
I wanna give you some kids.
Your dad said the same thing.
Hey, did you enjoy him?
- No. - Oh damn.
Sure didn't.
- I'm better. - Mm.
- Amen. - Mm-hmm.
Let's face it, I don't
always look like this.
I mean, who does?
Growing up we may have believed-
- That our value was
tied to our appearance-
- Our popularity.
How many likes and
followers we've amassed.
But it's really not about those things.
[Speaker] I will prevail.
[Nalum] The moon has
awoken with the sleep of the sun.
[All] The moon has awoken
with the sleep of the sun.
[Nalum] The light has been broken.
[All] The light has been broken.
-The spell has begun.
-The spell has begun.
We often associate
beauty with power, don't we?
Keep your hands off the sound board.
It stays how I set it.
This isn't some garage band.
I was just fixing the levels.
Calm down Nalls, she's just trying
to make everything smoother, that's it.
When I set it, it is smooth,
it doesn't need fixes.
But at the end of the day,
the facade has to be removed.
What I set is gospel, got it?
Got it.
And the crows, they
need to feel it out there,
not just here.
It's about them too, right?
What I care about is
right here, on this stage.
It's what I know
and what I can control.
When I perform it's perfection or nothing.
[Speaker] Finding the courage to believe
that you can and will prevail
is not just a solo journey,
it's a collective endeavor.
[Nalum] In harmony with my sisters,
I stand united to elevate and empower
those around the globe.
We all wish to alter things
about ourselves, our scars.
Our imperfections.
Our uniqueness.
Envision a realm where
unity is our foundation.
A place where we stand together as one,
without passing judgment.
Celebrating our diverse
identities and expressions,
all while maintaining a unified integrity.
[Speaker] In a society
that treasures togetherness-
- Acceptance.
Tolerance.
Our collective strength will flourish.
(upbeat music)
(singer vocalizing)
(audience cheering and applauding)
So let's lift up one another.
(fireworks exploding)
And recognize that-
- Make up or no makeup... Being yourself
is what truly matters.
In that truth you
are destined to prevail.
(gentle music)
(person screaming)
I will prevail.
(person speaking foreign language)
[Speaker] Eclipse.
(dramatic music)
(dramatic music continues)
(bell ringing)
(train horn honking)
(dramatic music)
Boss, you think this is a setup?
Every trap's got a way in.
This snake, she won't see me coming.
Remember your mama's medal.
She's watching us.
It's her jewelry, mate.
No one out there can take down Birdie.
I hope you're right.
Nalum and her witches
are on a new level, can't be killed.
Bull shit.
With the dagger we write the rules.
In our hand we hold the power now.
Relax.
(bell ringing)
(train horn blowing)
God speed.
(train horn honking)
(rain pattering)
It's truly a pleasure.
Your beauty exceeds your
magnetic screen presence.
I have a collection of all your movies.
Perhaps one day you can sign a copy.
I don't endorse freebies.
Do I seem needy
or just passionate to make this connection?
I hear you have something I desire.
I have more money than you can count,
so let's make this quick.
Your wish is my command.
The yellow brick road awaits, ladies.
Let's see where tonight leads us.
(engine revving)
(gentle music)
(pool balls clacking)
I'm hunting someone exclusive.
The bearer of the dagger of destiny.
Do you know of him?
Ah, that legendary blade.
The one that twists reality
and rewrites fate.
Bright as a whip, huh?
Who's to say that the he is not a she?
The prophecy is clear.
The words are written.
I'm just merely pondering
that there was play, sweetheart.
Play nice and you'll
be rewarded handsomely.
The deal's on the table.
Let's see some faith.
If I sink this quarter into the shot glass,
we'll toast again and
then I'll spill his name.
(glass tinging)
Maybe he's the one.
A parlor trick, not likely.
(gentle music)
(people chattering)
Did you ride in on a broomstick?
'Cause you swept me off my feet.
I'm here all night, ladies.
Okay, my hunnies, I'm off to the dunny.
I'll spill his name when I get back.
We'll be here, Bronco.
I saw the dagger, put him down.
Understood.
Where were we, my hunnies?
Oh, who's got the dagger.
No, no, let's have one more.
To those who wish us well.
The rest can go to hell.
You first.
(gentle music continues)
(woman laughing)
(wind blowing)
(people chattering)
Carlu demands a sacrifice.
(person screaming)
(singer vocalizing)
(voices whispering)
(speaker speaking in foreign language)
We revert to the old ways.
(dramatic music)
Prepare the car.
Bye bye, Birdie.
(dramatic music continues)
(person speaking in foreign language)
Who's that?
(person speaking in foreign language)
It's him.
(dramatic music continues)
(rain pattering)
(phone vibrating) (dramatic music)
(phone beeping)
What's the update, my angel?
I found it.
This one's the real deal, I can feel it.
I hope so, 'cause if this is strike two,
you know what happens on three.
No threats,
and there won't be a three.
Hope you're certain.
Bring me the dagger, angel.
(phone beeping)
(phone beeping)
(man laughing)
Daddies girl, huh?
Take a wild guess.
(bell ringing)
(train horn honking)
(people chattering)
The dagger.
Looks like I owe you one now.
(dramatic music)
(thunder booming)
[Speaker] You know,
this city is full of people
doing viscous things to each other.
When you find yourself in a fight
with such wickedness,
you shoot first if you can,
and when you do you shoot to kill.
(dramatic music continues)
(dramatic music)
Oh yeah.
Oh hells yeah, mama.
I got something for you.
Something long, something big.
Want some of this?
Ooh, wanna try me?
Go ahead.
Want a shot at the title?
Wipe that smile off your face, boy,
or I'm gonna wipe it off for you.
Now get your rear up there right now.
(gentle music)
Detective Jones is waiting.
[Speaker] You call that
an undercover uniform?
Here, put this on, Mr. Smith.
[Mr. Smith] Hells, yeah,
that's what I'm talking about.
(dramatic music)
Zip it, Smith.
Follow me.
This team is the best of the best.
Meet Detective Rodney, Detective Dunbar
and Detective Evans.
[Mr. Smith] Ah, a masculine
handshake, I like that.
Ha, really freaking funny, loser.
Yeah, so funny I forgot
to laugh, bonehead.
It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Smith.
Your skills have come highly recommended.
[Swivel] Call me Swivel, ma'am.
(dramatic music)
This is your target, Mug Luster,
porn billionaire.
Leader of the prostitution
syndicate Skanks Da Diabolo,
AKA, Satan Skanks.
(upbeat music)
His syndicate is responsible
for countless drugs,
skank trafficking all over the west coast.
Now raging across the country
like a lipstick lesbian hurricane.
This will be our keyhole, Smith,
using his biggest weakness against him,
his top two starlets.
This is a no dress rehearsal, Smith.
In one week they are
having a cartel after party.
I was able to secure an invitation
for you and Brianna.
(Brianna laughing)
This is your opportunity
to finally take down Luster.
Detective Evans will be your backup.
Listen, you must infiltrate, penetrate.
You hear me?
Penetrate him, Smith, penetrate.
Penetrate, Smith, penetrate.
You're not listening to me.
I said penetrate.
Are you paying attention?
I bet you want me to
get your motor running.
That's it my big boy.
Mm.
Mm.
Mm.
(dramatic music)
Hi.
You got my comics?
Yep.
Thanks, bruh.
Oh, wow.
Amaze balls.
(dramatic music continues)
Empty your pockets.
Woo ya.
(Brianna giggling)
Now that was hot.
Hmm?
Hey Swivel, what are
you waiting for, Christmas?
I've got some fun bags
with your name all over them.
Why not?
My big bad boy. (laughs)
(Swivel gasping)
(Sergeant Jones laughing)
[Swivel] Sergeant Jones,
what is going on here?
Wanna have some fun?
Wrong Smith, wrong.
Start out slow.
No, kiss her passionately,
and pet her with masculine force.
Well then, this body is yours.
Yes, ma'am.
No.
For crying out loud, Smith,
this is a no dress rehearsal, Smith.
Smith, what did I just tell you?
You're not listening to me.
I said penetrate.
Smith, this is your target.
No, for crying out loud, Smith,
you don't burn a woman down like this.
Wrong, Smith, wrong.
You've got to shoot.
Shoot to kill, Smith.
Shoot from the hip.
Sure thing.
For you and Brianna.
What on Earth?
Penetrate, Smith.
Penetrate.
Penetration, Smith.
Do it, penetrate.
- I'm stuck. - Do it like you mean it,
Jones.
Penetrate.
Penetrate, Smith.
Penetrate.
Shoot to kill, Smith,
do you got me?
(everyone laughing)
All right, we can't let this
monster gain anymore power.
Shut your pie hole, guys.
We all agree on the mission ahead?
Great.
Meet at 2100 hours for
post-briefing ceremony.
(upbeat music)
Thank you, Smith.
Kahlua?
Oh no, only the most nutritious vitamins
and minerals for this guy.
Oh, right.
(upbeat music continues)
Smith, I know your new
partner is a gorgeous woman,
but I want you to remain focused.
Okay.
As we are fighting evil here.
Yes, sir.
Okay, Smith, go out there
and have fun, your new
partner likes to dance.
Time to ditch the two left feet,
and impress her with
your secret salsa skills.
Think she likes disco dance?
What's the worst that could happen?
You might get lucky, Smith.
Hells yeah.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
(Swivel burping)
And if you can't, at
least slap my name on it.
(upbeat music)
Hey cowboy, drinks on me.
Thanks, Miss Evans, that means a lot.
So are you into American disco dancing?
I've danced to "Saturday Night Fever"
more times than I can count.
Hmm?
Disco's my jam.
Really?
Would you like to dance with me?
I thought you'd never ask.
Yep.
Oh hells yeah.
[Brianna] Let's see
what you've got, cowboy.
(upbeat music)
[Narrator] "Shoot From The Hip".
"Rise of the Phantom" will
return after these messages.
(dramatic music)
[Narrator] Mack Wilson, P.D.
All right, ladies, are
you ready for some pain?
[Narrator] Mack Wilson, M.D.
(tires squealing)
Are you ready to sacrifice?
[Narrator] Mack Wilson, PhD.
(tires screeching)
Are you ready for some abstinence?
[Narrator] Mack Wilson, PIMP.
(upbeat music)
If the answer is yes,
get ready to meet the boss.
If you're not afraid, you will be.
Don't give me that sad pussy face.
[Narrator] One man.
One mission.
(phone ringing)
What's up?
[Narrator] One big...
(upbeat music continues)
Mack Wilson is-
- No pain, no gain.
[Narrator] "The Boss."
(upbeat music)
Just sit back and get laid, bruh.
(upbeat music continues)
(wolf howling)
(thunder booming)
I'm warning you, stay away from my man.
Yeah, I've got something
for you to suck on.
Your man?
Your man keeps calling
and sexting me everyday.
Hey, you saw her come up on me, right?
Ha, well you ain't gonna do shit.
Yeah, not when we in
front of security cameras.
All right, let's take this outside then.
You wanna take this outside?
I'm ready, let's take this outside.
You keep saying you're gonna cut her off,
then you come to me.
"Oh, I'm with you, babe, I'm yours."
Blah, blah, blah.
Even when you try to
move on with your life,
she gonna be right there
and keep dragging you back.
Don't you speak for me.
Do not speak for me.
I got him now, I can do that myself.
Why you wanna keep
doing this to yourself?
You're so dumb, dumb and stupid.
I am not.
I am intelligent and very knowledgeable.
She's so slow.
Slow?
That's what you is, slow.
You gonna answer any of the questions
I just asked?
-I want that (indistinct)
-craved out of a frigging tree.
My baby don't wanna talk to you.
F you.
He's hungry.
Get my baby some bread.
(vampire laughing)
Garlic bread.
[Narrator] Garlic bread?
Have you gone batshit crazy?
[Speaker] Hey, woman,
the fried chicken delivery guy is here.
(person speaking in foreign language)
[Speaker] Go on, pay the boy.
He threw this for you, senora.
Ah.
(hand slapping)
This is not your chicken.
If you want some chicken,
you better ask for it.
I'll take what I want.
Take nothing.
Bull.
I already asked you for it.
You didn't ask for shit.
You, what do you need
anymore chicken for, fatty?
(gasps) You did not just call me fatty,
you fatty.
(graphic beeping)
That's awfully nice of you.
I am nice.
Like hell.
I just want some chicken.
You never asked, I never listened.
You just never wanna share nothing.
Oh, I don't care about sharing.
(chicken clucking)
Your boss said to share.
I don't care.
I don't care.
I don't care.
I'll buy you more chicken.
You'll get me more chicken?
More chicken.
More chicken for me?
More chicken for you.
More chicken for me.
And I swear if you even touch my chicken
I will bite your titties.
I understand, baby.
Yeah.
Go get me more chicken.
Yes, ma'am.
(upbeat music)
(chicken clucking)
(people chattering)
Hi Wilson, what'll it be?
Give me a stiff lemon
drop martini, darling.
Greetings, Jessica.
And, um, for you?
(upbeat music)
Chocolate milk, please.
What?
Is this guy for real?
I'm afraid so.
It's time to cut that umbilical cord.
But-
- Give him a shot of dickle,
he needs to grow some
fuzz sooner than later.
(alcohol pouring)
(singer vocalizing)
(women laughing)
[Speaker] Look what
the cat dragged in, ladies.
Follow me, Smith, let's talk business.
All right, Smith, our
first mission was a pickle.
This one's even more of a bitch, even two.
This is Mug Luster's right hand man.
They call him Big Poppa Bender.
He gets his kicks with narcotics, skanks,
corruption, murder.
You know, the usual.
(liquor pouring)
Focus, Smith.
This slug drugs up hot babes,
bird dogs 'em without mercy,
and whacks 'em on camera.
Then he has the huevos to
sell 'em on the black market.
Huevos?
That would be balls,
something you're gonna need
on this mission.
Affirmative, sir.
We have to identify
the two captured ladies,
it's a must bust.
Infiltrate the shoot and foil the deal.
Save the babes and everybody's
home for eggs Benedict.
The chief and I know you can do it.
You're the phantom.
Once we bust this maggot, who knows,
Jessica might be booty call bound.
Stop this porn shoot,
Jessica might be all yours, buddy.
Who knows, Smith, it might
be true love, love, love, love.
(helicopter whirring)
(sirens wailing)
(sirens wailing) (dramatic music)
[Swivel] Detective Jones,
the bad guys have Jessica, over.
[Detective Jones] Good work, Smith.
Detective Wilson is on the way.
Do not, I repeat, do not engage the enemy.
Your work is done here.
(dramatic music)
Not this time, Detective.
Planet Earth make way for the Phantom.
(dramatic music)
[Speaker] Yeah, a
little closer to the right.
Perfect.
(dramatic music continues)
These hoes are high as a kite.
Ready to shoot when you are, boss.
Action.
That's it, ladies, play
a little tonsil hockey
for Big Poppa.
Boo ya.
Hey, Milo, these hoes are already
boring the piss out of me.
Kill 'em.
What the?
Check the fuse box, fellas.
Sure thing, boss.
Wait.
(dramatic music)
No, wait, I just work here, please.
(fist thudding)
Not bedtime yet.
(man groaning)
This one's for you, ladies.
(man groaning)
Who is this guy?
Funny you should ask.
I don't know,
but I have got to get me some of that.
Bitch, please, the Phantom is all mine.
You can't get with this new hotness.
[Phantom] Oh boy.
You get me so hot, Phantom.
It was nothing, ladies.
Phantom, it's me.
I love you.
I'm the one who can make you happy.
Aww, well-
- Hey, Phantom, eat this.
(gun firing)
(women screaming)
Phantom, why did you have to be so brave?
Why?
To the sexiest man
I've ever had the pleasure
to almost pleasure myself to.
Oh, Phantom.
Oh my god, look what he's wearing.
Some kind of mojo, a necklace of armor.
Oh, please be bullet
proof, Phantom, I love you.
Yeah, we want a threesome with you,
don't fuck this up.
Maybe he's just dehydrated.
Get him some water.
Get him water.
(gentle music)
(dramatic music)
I love you.
I love, um-
- Get up, Smith.
Quit goofing around down there.
Yes, sir.
Just take it easy, okay?
Time to call it a night.
Let's go Smith.
All right, I've got a
little something for you.
A present?
It's from Bishop Bilker.
It's the brown scapular,
and it'll protect you from Skanks.
Oh wow.
I dreamed this.
Report to the police department
at 1400 hours, Mr. Smith.
Yes, Detective Wilson.
(gentle music continues)
Hit me up sometime, handsome.
(dramatic music)
That thumb is fire.
[Swivel] You betcha, hun.
More chocolate milk, please.
[Narrator] "Shoot From the Hip".
"Rise of the Phantom" will
return after these messages.
It's the long awaited album
from Thunder Knight Entertainment
and Adrian Croom,
the "Shoot From the
Hip Rise of the Phantom"
official soundtrack,
featuring the hit single "Dreamz on Deck"
by world famous Mohawk Bob.
Beats by Adrian Croom.
Plus the smash single "Jokers"
by Heart Shaped Zombie.
Including select tracks from
industrial cold powerhouse.
Scifidelic.
Including the smoking hot
dance track Night Riders
from Adrian Croom.
(upbeat music)
"Shoot From the Hip Rise
of the Phantom" soundtrack.
(upbeat music continues)
Go get it or else Mamma Mischief
is gonna come get you.
(upbeat music continues)
(woman laughing)
Time for this bubble
butt to fork it over.
(phone ringing)
Pony up little darling,
or it's kneel and Bob time.
Hell yeah, baby.
Oh, hey handsome, what's popping?
Time's up, tootsie bump,
I'm in the middle of a
serious Sudoku competition.
Hells yeah.
Listen, honey, I'm gonna
need a couple days to pay you.
What?
Things have been rough,
and business has been real slow.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm not waiting another second.
No way.
Calm down, calm down.
You're gonna get your money.
Whoops.
Oh, I'm getting way more than that.
You know it's tough
world out there, papi.
You're already late.
And I'm not talking about
that time of the month.
Hey.
Damn it.
Better pay me tonight,
or you know what's coming.
Kapeesh?
Mama Mia.
Yes, I'll be there soon.
And, by the way, you look real sharp today.
Tell me something I don't know.
Whatever.
Rawr.
Peace out.
(phone beeping)
What the crap, who this?
(caller speaking foreign language)
-Who the hell is she?
-Just a friend, babe, chill.
Ow.
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music)
[Speaker] When the time has come,
and the moment is right,
when all that is left is one last chance,
remember that abstinence is 100% effective.
(upbeat music continues)
Say your prayers STDs,
because it's beddy time, suck as.
No way, Jose.
Abstinence, the way of the warrior.
[Speaker] In other news,
today marks a significant triumph
for prosecuting attorney Nalum Brandlet
and her dedicated team.
Their compelling case
successfully convicted
notorious crime Lord Syd Hagger,
sentencing him to two
consecutive life terms.
Tagger and his mad pyro operation
have instilled fear across the city.
This pivotal-
- Uh-oh, I've seen that face before.
What kind of trouble are we in now?
Trouble is my middle name,
and guess what?
We got the bastard.
No freaking way.
You got Syd Hagger?
Like you got him for good, right?
Two 99 year sentences,
back to back consecutively.
Say my name baby.
Oh my God.
(dramatic music)
This is our time, babe, I just know it.
(glasses clinking)
(dramatic music continues)
Thank you for never giving up on me.
Give us two more,
Rufus, it's celebration time.
(phone vibrating)
Don't think about it.
You know who it is, don't play his games.
Just let me get it over with.
I'm gonna get you out of this hell hole.
[Caller] I've missed you terribly.
If you touch her or come near her again,
I swear to God you'll
be playing backdoor pool
with your balls in a knot, get me?
[Caller] Hagger's got
a contract on your head,
it's only the beginning.
And, remember, you are Beelzebub's bitch.
(phone banging)
(fire sizzling)
(upbeat music)
[Speaker] Lexor
Ketchum is channeling funds
to the mad pyro.
[Speaker] The senator himself?
[Speaker] Yes, the kelptocrat.
[Speaker] What's our next play?
[Speaker] We lay the trap.
This better be good, creep.
Oh, this is hot.
So hot that it will put the mad pyro away
for a long time.
(siren wailing)
(engine revving)
Dude, it's now or never.
Wow, you weren't kidding, brother.
Hot to trot indeed.
Have your fun.
Don't beat that shit up too bad.
I want him buried alive.
We gotta send a message.
Brother Hagger would be proud.
(woman screaming)
[Speaker] What happened?
I feel dead, but I'm alive.
Did God save us?
[Speaker] Yes, she did.
[Speaker] All they did was kill 'em.
They should have finished 'em off.
(dramatic music)
(gentle music)
I'm through with all of you.
Thou does make him most blessed forever.
And thou who doth curse
with eternal burning light
those who transgress against these.
Holy art thou, holy art thou, holy art thou
for we are faithful.
Babe, do we have to
watch this movie again?
Yeah.
You're all mad, mad the whole lot of you.
It's called the worst movie
of all time for a reason, hun.
(gentle music)
See?
Wait, watch this.
Let's snuggle and get cozy instead.
Don't you ever interrupt me
during the "Manos Hands
of Fate" again, okay?
I'm serious.
Shut up and kiss me.
All right, I'll let you slide this time.
Bring it.
[Swivel] Take a chill pill, sugar.
Beware, beware, Smith.
Beware, the man who sins
becomes the slave to sin.
Cut the mask of the phantom within
or reap the fires of hell, hell, hell.
(dramatic music) (thunder booming)
[Jessica] You were a beast last night.
Meet me at Custards for lunch.
Jessica.
(siren wailing)
[Swivel] Dude, really?
Let's get to headquarters, Smith.
Can't you see I'm on a date, bro?
With your hand maybe.
Whatever.
Oh shizz.
Oh fuh.
[Mack] But seriously, it's about Jessica.
Get in the car.
Somebody called the cops,
'cause no one can be that hot.
I'm here already, limp prick,
but not for you.
I need myself a marathon man.
What?
(siren wailing)
Our sources have brought us to this man,
Master Xervos former CIA.
He fell off radar a few years back,
but this son of a bitch is the leader
of the Shadow Palm Cult.
(Dixie gasping)
[Swivel] Shadow Palm?
No, not Harry Pump, Shadow Palm.
What the devil is this all about?
What happened to Jessica?
Smith, your new partner,
Detective Dixie Reynolds.
Detective Smith, I've heard
lots of amazing things about you.
Lots and lots.
Lots of things.
Wha-what?
Aw, Smith, would you grow a pair
and be polite to your new partner?
She's a looker, ain't she?
Now wait a second, you know my desk
is swamped with cases.
I don't have time to break in any rookies.
Look, if we want to find
little miss booty bounce,
you'll take Dixie with you.
She got all the intel on Xervos.
We need to trap this filth fest
once and for all.
And let me tell you,
she's a hell of a shot.
I mean, she can blast a
flea off a poodle's pecker
from a mile away.
(guns blasting)
Ultimately this might be our only chance
to bring the Phantom out in the open.
Okay.
Very good.
Now Reynolds, lay some intelligence
on Kingstein here.
I have vital information for you, Smith.
Xervos' lust for grade
A ass knows no bound.
We infiltrate, if we
penetrate we can get in.
We can squeeze.
Squeeze it.
Wha-what is going on here?
I told you she's something.
What kind of a briefing is this?
Listen, I love Jessica,
and have to find her, period.
So what's the plan?
The only way to save her is infiltrate
into the Shadow Palm Temple,
which is hidden in the
Notel Motel downtown.
This is why you and your partner here
are going undercover
and act like it's your honeymoon
as Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
Are we on the same
wavelength, Detective Smith?
He's just nervous, sarg.
Don't worry, hot stuff,
this'll be an easy mission.
And to celebrate I will
take you out for breakfast
for some huevos churros.
Ay, ay, ai Papi-
- Okay, okay. - Chulo.
Ay Papi huevos.
Ooh.
Now let's make this happen, team.
Go get 'em.
(engine reeving)
Listen, Detective Reynolds,
I know you are excited about this mission,
but-
- You have no idea how juiced I am.
Right.
That's why I want us to
be clear on something here.
Um, see, I have a girl.
Girl what?
I have a girlfriend, okay?
It's just the way it is, okay?
Dude, it's Bender.
He's the dude.
He donkey punched one
of our best officers to death.
We have to arrest him.
Stop right there (speaking
in foreign language).
We are supposed to be married
and infiltrating the temple, remember?
Married.
So shut up and kiss me.
Wait.
Get off, stop it.
What are you doing?
I missed.
Okay.
(indistinct) face.
This is not a good idea.
Big mama wants you.
Get off of me madame.
Gee whiz.
Whatever bone brain.
Let's give the inn keeper
a warm welcome, shall we?
Keep cool now, okay?
Let's pretend we are married.
My name is Bender.
I watch after the place
while the master is away.
The master does not like visitors.
What are you doing here?
My sugar pecks here is lost.
We cannot find the Notel Motel,
can you help us?
There's no place like that around here.
Baby, I'm scared.
It's getting dark.
No, hold on.
It's cool, I got this.
Listen, we got lost.
Is there a way out of this dump?
There is no way out of here.
It's getting dark.
There is no way out.
Well, I mean, the master's cool
with a little crash landing, right?
Very well.
It's the last room on the left.
Oh, hell yeah.
But, remember, I get to be on top.
Ay ay ai Papi Chulo.
[Swivel] Okay, honey.
I'm gonna teach you
the ways of the palpari.
Get ready big boy.
Who is that lemon?
[Swivel] Look, it's Xervos.
Ugly, repulsive.
Ugh.
He looks so sinister.
I'm scared.
Hold me.
[Swivel] This bastard is gonna pay.
It's time for your juicing, big boy.
To the palpari.
[Swivel] Here it is,
the last room on the left.
(door squealing)
[Dixie] Do you hear that?
Sounds like singing, doesn't it?
[Swivel] Nonsense.
I'll check the bathroom for any bugs.
Checking for bedbugs baby?
We are getting in that bed.
We have to act like we are married,
or they might catch onto us.
Come on.
You'll thank me tomorrow.
I mean, not only for
follow the sarg's orders,
but one day you are gonna meet a woman,
and you're gonna be able
to please that woman, why?
Because you've had me.
End up with woman maybe if you find someone
that you want to marry
you're gonna know what to do.
I'm gonna teach you how to touch a woman,
how to use your mouth.
I'm gonna teach you
the ways of the palpari.
Get ready big boy.
You're gonna be a bad boy.
Ugh.
Yeah.
You're a bad boy.
Thank you, holy one.
(gentle music)
Get ready for the palpari.
Oh thank you, holy one.
My (indistinct) coming.
Get ready, Detective Smith
for Mamma Mischief.
Detective Smith?
(singer vocalizing)
(dramatic music)
Arise my wives.
(dramatic music continues)
I said arise my wives.
(dramatic music continues)
Serve the will of your master.
For those who never had a daddy,
your new daddy.
For some a sugar daddy.
Our beloved master, Mr. Felix.
(dramatic music continues)
As the leader of the wives,
I demand we end this insanity.
I think it's time we plan for the future.
I am the future.
Have you lost control
over my Eram, Xervos?
No, never my Lord.
Your new mistress stands ready to serve.
See the devotion of your Shadow Palm.
Before she is initiated, she must dance,
dance, dance.
He must not take another.
(dramatic music)
Nevermind her.
Worry about what stands in front of you.
Actions speak louder than words, bimbo.
(dramatic music continues)
You're wrong once again, troll.
I'm his favorite.
(dramatic music continues)
Nobody gets with Felix but me.
What, huh?
(dramatic music continues)
Now get lost, princess.
Want a goodbye kiss?
Why don't you pucker up?
(dramatic music continues)
Felix is mine now.
I run this show.
Felix is mine, skank.
What you call me, whore?
Are you deaf, skank?
(dramatic music)
Wrong answer, Ancient one.
I'm younger and hotter,
but Felix doesn't tell you that.
He only tells me.
(dramatic music)
Take a hike, hussy.
(dramatic music)
Jessica Reynolds, I found the temple.
There's no trace of the Phantom.
They've captured Jessica.
I must kill Xervos.
Over.
(dramatic music)
All right, Xervos, party's over.
Steady.
(dramatic music continues)
Bring out our willing subjects.
Ow.
Okay, okay, we can talk about this.
They have Detective Jones.
What?
Smith, you idiot,
who taught you how to infiltrate?
You did, sir.
Oh God, it's me.
(dramatic music)
Let the executions begin.
(dramatic music continues)
Cut the mask of the Phantom within
or reap the fires of hell, hell, hell.
No.
Take me instead.
(dramatic music continues)
Please.
It's not too late.
(sirens wailing)
Smith, I want you to
meet your new partner,
Detective Dixie Reynolds.
Your reputation proceeds you, Smith.
Glad to be working with you.
(dramatic music continues)
[Swivel] Um, yeah.
Wow, what a night, huh?
There he is, look.
What the hell are you smoking Smith?
Reynolds just got into town this morning.
His face masks a formidable force.
Don't underestimate him.
Let's get to the station,
I have some bad news.
We think Jessica has been abducted.
We think the so called Phantom vigilant
is somehow involved.
(dramatic music)
- I'm not surprised. - Let's go.
(dramatic music)
So he is the one.
He is the Phantom.
Yes.
Sorry it took me so long to nail it,
but lucky for us he talks in his sleep.
Good work, sister.
Now let's show this Phantom
who really runs this city.
You may proceed.
Copy that.
(tires squealing)
(dramatic music)
[Speaker] Shots fired 147 Maple Street.
Requesting backup.
(upbeat music) (sirens wailing)
(upbeat music continues)
(upbeat music continues)
(upbeat music continues)
(upbeat music continues)
(gun firing)
(upbeat music continues)
2025, bruh
And it don't quit
We be legit
And Thunder Knight Entertainment
Won't ever quit
Hit it
I'm on the hunt, always rising high
Mohawk Bob walking tall
Reaching for the sky
From the streets of Denver to LA
God's got my back, fulfilling my dreams
You down with G-O-D, yeah you know me
Breaking barriers, just wait and see
From magazine covers
to the Hollywood scene
With God on my side
I'm living the dream
Once laughed at, now I drive a hearse
Ladies in my corner,
they dance, they twerk
Big muscle boys guard while I shine
It's not the size, it's
the heart, soul, divine
Mohawk Bob here, I do what I do
Jimmy Drain on the mix
Dreams be coming true
Brains over Brawn,
I'm the one they admire
Chase your dreams,
let the light inspire
Thanks to G-O-D I hold my ground
From mohawks to magazines
I'm the talk of the town
God is for you, who
can stand in the way
I'm the king of the city, here to stay
Peace to G-O-D
(dramatic music)
(thunder booming)
(dramatic music continues)
(voices whispering)
(upbeat music)
Mohawk Bob here.
You ladies tired of your
man smelling like a pigsty?
Go out and buy my body
spray, Passion Pimps.
A fragrance so sensual that he will
turn into a pirate,
and you will turn over that booty.
Linus, what am I paying you for?
I just got off my break.
Aww, isn't that sweet?
Now load up, the crew will be here soon.
Yes, ma'am.
(upbeat music)
(audience cheering)
I have traveled the globe,
performed on every continent,
sold millions of records,
obtained astronomical wealth
all in the time frame of one year.
What's my secret you ask?
Well, let's just say I
keep myself occupied.
How do I remain occupied?
(gentle music)
(gun firing)
I love my occupation.
I love to keep busy.
But I don't let it distract me.
(birds chirping)
A spiritual friend of
mine told me the secret.
Her message is of dire importance.
If we do not begin to
look inside ourselves,
we will perish.
Meditation happens spontaneously.
We have to be unoccupied to attain it.
Energy moves inwards towards our center.
The source of all experience.
An occupation is just an escape.
(upbeat music)
You can read the Bible
and all the scriptures.
If you do, then that will
also become an occupation.
Humans are ignorant and blind.
They want to remain ignorant and blind
because to enter inside yourself
you have to confront chaos.
Real courage means embracing the chaos.
There's no greater courage than this.
The courage to meditate.
The courage to transcend.
In this courage you'll find God.
You'll find yourself.
(camera clicking)
(crowd shouting)
I invite you to join me on this journey.
We can explore the secret.
One that has existed
since the very beginning.
But what organized religion
does not want you to learn.
By doing so the world will
discover peace, unity, love.
And the world will be as one.
(gentle music)
(dramatic music)
I've been expecting you.
I want you to join me on this journey.
(thunder booming)
We will destroy his church,
we just need more time.
(dramatic music)
Remember our first gig,
how the crowd roared just for you?
How could I forget?
Stepping away now,
just when we've got the world listening.
You choose solitude over empire, over us.
All this (indistinct) bow down
and worship you.
I've stared into the abyss Nalum,
I don't like what's starring back.
Blurred vision perhaps?
Wrong.
In the face of shadows, I choose the light.
We've only just begun to live
White lace and promises
A kiss for luck and we're on our way
My soul, my choice.
You'd understand if you had one.
Somebody needs to get their eyes checked.
You are my slave.
I will never let you go.
(woman screaming)
Yeah, no I'm up.
What's up?
(phone buzzing)
[Caller] Damn girl, looks
like you just met a ghost.
No, I'm up.
What's up?
[Caller] Your last
gig starts in 30 minutes,
that's what's up.
Are you and Nalum gonna grace us with your-
- Keep your knickers on, we're on our way.
You can't rush greatness.
You know what I mean, jelly bean?
Yeah, I guess.
[Nalum] Somebody's in
a poopy mood today, huh?
[Passenger] I'm fine.
Let's just get this over with.
[Nalum] Now what
kind of attitude is that?
Want me to sing you a song, poopy bear?
[Passenger] Please, no.
We've only just begun to live
[Passenger] Oh God.
I will prevail.
There's a certain
power in declaring that.
It almost sounds enchanting, doesn't it?
You might be thinking
"That's easy for her to say,"
"she's been pampered and
prepped to look flawless."
And, yes, beauty can
seem like an advantage,
however-
- Hello, there, darling.
Oh, hi.
How you doing today?
Just great, how are you?
I'm fantastic.
You know, you look like an orphanage,
I wanna give you some kids.
Your dad said the same thing.
Hey, did you enjoy him?
- No. - Oh damn.
Sure didn't.
- I'm better. - Mm.
- Amen. - Mm-hmm.
Let's face it, I don't
always look like this.
I mean, who does?
Growing up we may have believed-
- That our value was
tied to our appearance-
- Our popularity.
How many likes and
followers we've amassed.
But it's really not about those things.
[Speaker] I will prevail.
[Nalum] The moon has
awoken with the sleep of the sun.
[All] The moon has awoken
with the sleep of the sun.
[Nalum] The light has been broken.
[All] The light has been broken.
-The spell has begun.
-The spell has begun.
We often associate
beauty with power, don't we?
Keep your hands off the sound board.
It stays how I set it.
This isn't some garage band.
I was just fixing the levels.
Calm down Nalls, she's just trying
to make everything smoother, that's it.
When I set it, it is smooth,
it doesn't need fixes.
But at the end of the day,
the facade has to be removed.
What I set is gospel, got it?
Got it.
And the crows, they
need to feel it out there,
not just here.
It's about them too, right?
What I care about is
right here, on this stage.
It's what I know
and what I can control.
When I perform it's perfection or nothing.
[Speaker] Finding the courage to believe
that you can and will prevail
is not just a solo journey,
it's a collective endeavor.
[Nalum] In harmony with my sisters,
I stand united to elevate and empower
those around the globe.
We all wish to alter things
about ourselves, our scars.
Our imperfections.
Our uniqueness.
Envision a realm where
unity is our foundation.
A place where we stand together as one,
without passing judgment.
Celebrating our diverse
identities and expressions,
all while maintaining a unified integrity.
[Speaker] In a society
that treasures togetherness-
- Acceptance.
Tolerance.
Our collective strength will flourish.
(upbeat music)
(singer vocalizing)
(audience cheering and applauding)
So let's lift up one another.
(fireworks exploding)
And recognize that-
- Make up or no makeup... Being yourself
is what truly matters.
In that truth you
are destined to prevail.
(gentle music)
(person screaming)
I will prevail.
(person speaking foreign language)
[Speaker] Eclipse.
(dramatic music)
(dramatic music continues)
(bell ringing)
(train horn honking)
(dramatic music)
Boss, you think this is a setup?
Every trap's got a way in.
This snake, she won't see me coming.
Remember your mama's medal.
She's watching us.
It's her jewelry, mate.
No one out there can take down Birdie.
I hope you're right.
Nalum and her witches
are on a new level, can't be killed.
Bull shit.
With the dagger we write the rules.
In our hand we hold the power now.
Relax.
(bell ringing)
(train horn blowing)
God speed.
(train horn honking)
(rain pattering)
It's truly a pleasure.
Your beauty exceeds your
magnetic screen presence.
I have a collection of all your movies.
Perhaps one day you can sign a copy.
I don't endorse freebies.
Do I seem needy
or just passionate to make this connection?
I hear you have something I desire.
I have more money than you can count,
so let's make this quick.
Your wish is my command.
The yellow brick road awaits, ladies.
Let's see where tonight leads us.
(engine revving)
(gentle music)
(pool balls clacking)
I'm hunting someone exclusive.
The bearer of the dagger of destiny.
Do you know of him?
Ah, that legendary blade.
The one that twists reality
and rewrites fate.
Bright as a whip, huh?
Who's to say that the he is not a she?
The prophecy is clear.
The words are written.
I'm just merely pondering
that there was play, sweetheart.
Play nice and you'll
be rewarded handsomely.
The deal's on the table.
Let's see some faith.
If I sink this quarter into the shot glass,
we'll toast again and
then I'll spill his name.
(glass tinging)
Maybe he's the one.
A parlor trick, not likely.
(gentle music)
(people chattering)
Did you ride in on a broomstick?
'Cause you swept me off my feet.
I'm here all night, ladies.
Okay, my hunnies, I'm off to the dunny.
I'll spill his name when I get back.
We'll be here, Bronco.
I saw the dagger, put him down.
Understood.
Where were we, my hunnies?
Oh, who's got the dagger.
No, no, let's have one more.
To those who wish us well.
The rest can go to hell.
You first.
(gentle music continues)
(woman laughing)
(wind blowing)
(people chattering)
Carlu demands a sacrifice.
(person screaming)
(singer vocalizing)
(voices whispering)
(speaker speaking in foreign language)
We revert to the old ways.
(dramatic music)
Prepare the car.
Bye bye, Birdie.
(dramatic music continues)
(person speaking in foreign language)
Who's that?
(person speaking in foreign language)
It's him.
(dramatic music continues)
(rain pattering)
(phone vibrating) (dramatic music)
(phone beeping)
What's the update, my angel?
I found it.
This one's the real deal, I can feel it.
I hope so, 'cause if this is strike two,
you know what happens on three.
No threats,
and there won't be a three.
Hope you're certain.
Bring me the dagger, angel.
(phone beeping)
(phone beeping)
(man laughing)
Daddies girl, huh?
Take a wild guess.
(bell ringing)
(train horn honking)
(people chattering)
The dagger.
Looks like I owe you one now.
(dramatic music)
(thunder booming)
[Speaker] You know,
this city is full of people
doing viscous things to each other.
When you find yourself in a fight
with such wickedness,
you shoot first if you can,
and when you do you shoot to kill.
(dramatic music continues)
(dramatic music)
Oh yeah.
Oh hells yeah, mama.
I got something for you.
Something long, something big.
Want some of this?
Ooh, wanna try me?
Go ahead.
Want a shot at the title?
Wipe that smile off your face, boy,
or I'm gonna wipe it off for you.
Now get your rear up there right now.
(gentle music)
Detective Jones is waiting.
[Speaker] You call that
an undercover uniform?
Here, put this on, Mr. Smith.
[Mr. Smith] Hells, yeah,
that's what I'm talking about.
(dramatic music)
Zip it, Smith.
Follow me.
This team is the best of the best.
Meet Detective Rodney, Detective Dunbar
and Detective Evans.
[Mr. Smith] Ah, a masculine
handshake, I like that.
Ha, really freaking funny, loser.
Yeah, so funny I forgot
to laugh, bonehead.
It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Smith.
Your skills have come highly recommended.
[Swivel] Call me Swivel, ma'am.
(dramatic music)
This is your target, Mug Luster,
porn billionaire.
Leader of the prostitution
syndicate Skanks Da Diabolo,
AKA, Satan Skanks.
(upbeat music)
His syndicate is responsible
for countless drugs,
skank trafficking all over the west coast.
Now raging across the country
like a lipstick lesbian hurricane.
This will be our keyhole, Smith,
using his biggest weakness against him,
his top two starlets.
This is a no dress rehearsal, Smith.
In one week they are
having a cartel after party.
I was able to secure an invitation
for you and Brianna.
(Brianna laughing)
This is your opportunity
to finally take down Luster.
Detective Evans will be your backup.
Listen, you must infiltrate, penetrate.
You hear me?
Penetrate him, Smith, penetrate.
Penetrate, Smith, penetrate.
You're not listening to me.
I said penetrate.
Are you paying attention?
I bet you want me to
get your motor running.
That's it my big boy.
Mm.
Mm.
Mm.
(dramatic music)
Hi.
You got my comics?
Yep.
Thanks, bruh.
Oh, wow.
Amaze balls.
(dramatic music continues)
Empty your pockets.
Woo ya.
(Brianna giggling)
Now that was hot.
Hmm?
Hey Swivel, what are
you waiting for, Christmas?
I've got some fun bags
with your name all over them.
Why not?
My big bad boy. (laughs)
(Swivel gasping)
(Sergeant Jones laughing)
[Swivel] Sergeant Jones,
what is going on here?
Wanna have some fun?
Wrong Smith, wrong.
Start out slow.
No, kiss her passionately,
and pet her with masculine force.
Well then, this body is yours.
Yes, ma'am.
No.
For crying out loud, Smith,
this is a no dress rehearsal, Smith.
Smith, what did I just tell you?
You're not listening to me.
I said penetrate.
Smith, this is your target.
No, for crying out loud, Smith,
you don't burn a woman down like this.
Wrong, Smith, wrong.
You've got to shoot.
Shoot to kill, Smith.
Shoot from the hip.
Sure thing.
For you and Brianna.
What on Earth?
Penetrate, Smith.
Penetrate.
Penetration, Smith.
Do it, penetrate.
- I'm stuck. - Do it like you mean it,
Jones.
Penetrate.
Penetrate, Smith.
Penetrate.
Shoot to kill, Smith,
do you got me?
(everyone laughing)
All right, we can't let this
monster gain anymore power.
Shut your pie hole, guys.
We all agree on the mission ahead?
Great.
Meet at 2100 hours for
post-briefing ceremony.
(upbeat music)
Thank you, Smith.
Kahlua?
Oh no, only the most nutritious vitamins
and minerals for this guy.
Oh, right.
(upbeat music continues)
Smith, I know your new
partner is a gorgeous woman,
but I want you to remain focused.
Okay.
As we are fighting evil here.
Yes, sir.
Okay, Smith, go out there
and have fun, your new
partner likes to dance.
Time to ditch the two left feet,
and impress her with
your secret salsa skills.
Think she likes disco dance?
What's the worst that could happen?
You might get lucky, Smith.
Hells yeah.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
(Swivel burping)
And if you can't, at
least slap my name on it.
(upbeat music)
Hey cowboy, drinks on me.
Thanks, Miss Evans, that means a lot.
So are you into American disco dancing?
I've danced to "Saturday Night Fever"
more times than I can count.
Hmm?
Disco's my jam.
Really?
Would you like to dance with me?
I thought you'd never ask.
Yep.
Oh hells yeah.
[Brianna] Let's see
what you've got, cowboy.
(upbeat music)
[Narrator] "Shoot From The Hip".
"Rise of the Phantom" will
return after these messages.
(dramatic music)
[Narrator] Mack Wilson, P.D.
All right, ladies, are
you ready for some pain?
[Narrator] Mack Wilson, M.D.
(tires squealing)
Are you ready to sacrifice?
[Narrator] Mack Wilson, PhD.
(tires screeching)
Are you ready for some abstinence?
[Narrator] Mack Wilson, PIMP.
(upbeat music)
If the answer is yes,
get ready to meet the boss.
If you're not afraid, you will be.
Don't give me that sad pussy face.
[Narrator] One man.
One mission.
(phone ringing)
What's up?
[Narrator] One big...
(upbeat music continues)
Mack Wilson is-
- No pain, no gain.
[Narrator] "The Boss."
(upbeat music)
Just sit back and get laid, bruh.
(upbeat music continues)
(wolf howling)
(thunder booming)
I'm warning you, stay away from my man.
Yeah, I've got something
for you to suck on.
Your man?
Your man keeps calling
and sexting me everyday.
Hey, you saw her come up on me, right?
Ha, well you ain't gonna do shit.
Yeah, not when we in
front of security cameras.
All right, let's take this outside then.
You wanna take this outside?
I'm ready, let's take this outside.
You keep saying you're gonna cut her off,
then you come to me.
"Oh, I'm with you, babe, I'm yours."
Blah, blah, blah.
Even when you try to
move on with your life,
she gonna be right there
and keep dragging you back.
Don't you speak for me.
Do not speak for me.
I got him now, I can do that myself.
Why you wanna keep
doing this to yourself?
You're so dumb, dumb and stupid.
I am not.
I am intelligent and very knowledgeable.
She's so slow.
Slow?
That's what you is, slow.
You gonna answer any of the questions
I just asked?
-I want that (indistinct)
-craved out of a frigging tree.
My baby don't wanna talk to you.
F you.
He's hungry.
Get my baby some bread.
(vampire laughing)
Garlic bread.
[Narrator] Garlic bread?
Have you gone batshit crazy?
[Speaker] Hey, woman,
the fried chicken delivery guy is here.
(person speaking in foreign language)
[Speaker] Go on, pay the boy.
He threw this for you, senora.
Ah.
(hand slapping)
This is not your chicken.
If you want some chicken,
you better ask for it.
I'll take what I want.
Take nothing.
Bull.
I already asked you for it.
You didn't ask for shit.
You, what do you need
anymore chicken for, fatty?
(gasps) You did not just call me fatty,
you fatty.
(graphic beeping)
That's awfully nice of you.
I am nice.
Like hell.
I just want some chicken.
You never asked, I never listened.
You just never wanna share nothing.
Oh, I don't care about sharing.
(chicken clucking)
Your boss said to share.
I don't care.
I don't care.
I don't care.
I'll buy you more chicken.
You'll get me more chicken?
More chicken.
More chicken for me?
More chicken for you.
More chicken for me.
And I swear if you even touch my chicken
I will bite your titties.
I understand, baby.
Yeah.
Go get me more chicken.
Yes, ma'am.
(upbeat music)
(chicken clucking)
(people chattering)
Hi Wilson, what'll it be?
Give me a stiff lemon
drop martini, darling.
Greetings, Jessica.
And, um, for you?
(upbeat music)
Chocolate milk, please.
What?
Is this guy for real?
I'm afraid so.
It's time to cut that umbilical cord.
But-
- Give him a shot of dickle,
he needs to grow some
fuzz sooner than later.
(alcohol pouring)
(singer vocalizing)
(women laughing)
[Speaker] Look what
the cat dragged in, ladies.
Follow me, Smith, let's talk business.
All right, Smith, our
first mission was a pickle.
This one's even more of a bitch, even two.
This is Mug Luster's right hand man.
They call him Big Poppa Bender.
He gets his kicks with narcotics, skanks,
corruption, murder.
You know, the usual.
(liquor pouring)
Focus, Smith.
This slug drugs up hot babes,
bird dogs 'em without mercy,
and whacks 'em on camera.
Then he has the huevos to
sell 'em on the black market.
Huevos?
That would be balls,
something you're gonna need
on this mission.
Affirmative, sir.
We have to identify
the two captured ladies,
it's a must bust.
Infiltrate the shoot and foil the deal.
Save the babes and everybody's
home for eggs Benedict.
The chief and I know you can do it.
You're the phantom.
Once we bust this maggot, who knows,
Jessica might be booty call bound.
Stop this porn shoot,
Jessica might be all yours, buddy.
Who knows, Smith, it might
be true love, love, love, love.
(helicopter whirring)
(sirens wailing)
(sirens wailing) (dramatic music)
[Swivel] Detective Jones,
the bad guys have Jessica, over.
[Detective Jones] Good work, Smith.
Detective Wilson is on the way.
Do not, I repeat, do not engage the enemy.
Your work is done here.
(dramatic music)
Not this time, Detective.
Planet Earth make way for the Phantom.
(dramatic music)
[Speaker] Yeah, a
little closer to the right.
Perfect.
(dramatic music continues)
These hoes are high as a kite.
Ready to shoot when you are, boss.
Action.
That's it, ladies, play
a little tonsil hockey
for Big Poppa.
Boo ya.
Hey, Milo, these hoes are already
boring the piss out of me.
Kill 'em.
What the?
Check the fuse box, fellas.
Sure thing, boss.
Wait.
(dramatic music)
No, wait, I just work here, please.
(fist thudding)
Not bedtime yet.
(man groaning)
This one's for you, ladies.
(man groaning)
Who is this guy?
Funny you should ask.
I don't know,
but I have got to get me some of that.
Bitch, please, the Phantom is all mine.
You can't get with this new hotness.
[Phantom] Oh boy.
You get me so hot, Phantom.
It was nothing, ladies.
Phantom, it's me.
I love you.
I'm the one who can make you happy.
Aww, well-
- Hey, Phantom, eat this.
(gun firing)
(women screaming)
Phantom, why did you have to be so brave?
Why?
To the sexiest man
I've ever had the pleasure
to almost pleasure myself to.
Oh, Phantom.
Oh my god, look what he's wearing.
Some kind of mojo, a necklace of armor.
Oh, please be bullet
proof, Phantom, I love you.
Yeah, we want a threesome with you,
don't fuck this up.
Maybe he's just dehydrated.
Get him some water.
Get him water.
(gentle music)
(dramatic music)
I love you.
I love, um-
- Get up, Smith.
Quit goofing around down there.
Yes, sir.
Just take it easy, okay?
Time to call it a night.
Let's go Smith.
All right, I've got a
little something for you.
A present?
It's from Bishop Bilker.
It's the brown scapular,
and it'll protect you from Skanks.
Oh wow.
I dreamed this.
Report to the police department
at 1400 hours, Mr. Smith.
Yes, Detective Wilson.
(gentle music continues)
Hit me up sometime, handsome.
(dramatic music)
That thumb is fire.
[Swivel] You betcha, hun.
More chocolate milk, please.
[Narrator] "Shoot From the Hip".
"Rise of the Phantom" will
return after these messages.
It's the long awaited album
from Thunder Knight Entertainment
and Adrian Croom,
the "Shoot From the
Hip Rise of the Phantom"
official soundtrack,
featuring the hit single "Dreamz on Deck"
by world famous Mohawk Bob.
Beats by Adrian Croom.
Plus the smash single "Jokers"
by Heart Shaped Zombie.
Including select tracks from
industrial cold powerhouse.
Scifidelic.
Including the smoking hot
dance track Night Riders
from Adrian Croom.
(upbeat music)
"Shoot From the Hip Rise
of the Phantom" soundtrack.
(upbeat music continues)
Go get it or else Mamma Mischief
is gonna come get you.
(upbeat music continues)
(woman laughing)
Time for this bubble
butt to fork it over.
(phone ringing)
Pony up little darling,
or it's kneel and Bob time.
Hell yeah, baby.
Oh, hey handsome, what's popping?
Time's up, tootsie bump,
I'm in the middle of a
serious Sudoku competition.
Hells yeah.
Listen, honey, I'm gonna
need a couple days to pay you.
What?
Things have been rough,
and business has been real slow.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm not waiting another second.
No way.
Calm down, calm down.
You're gonna get your money.
Whoops.
Oh, I'm getting way more than that.
You know it's tough
world out there, papi.
You're already late.
And I'm not talking about
that time of the month.
Hey.
Damn it.
Better pay me tonight,
or you know what's coming.
Kapeesh?
Mama Mia.
Yes, I'll be there soon.
And, by the way, you look real sharp today.
Tell me something I don't know.
Whatever.
Rawr.
Peace out.
(phone beeping)
What the crap, who this?
(caller speaking foreign language)
-Who the hell is she?
-Just a friend, babe, chill.
Ow.
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music)
[Speaker] When the time has come,
and the moment is right,
when all that is left is one last chance,
remember that abstinence is 100% effective.
(upbeat music continues)
Say your prayers STDs,
because it's beddy time, suck as.
No way, Jose.
Abstinence, the way of the warrior.
[Speaker] In other news,
today marks a significant triumph
for prosecuting attorney Nalum Brandlet
and her dedicated team.
Their compelling case
successfully convicted
notorious crime Lord Syd Hagger,
sentencing him to two
consecutive life terms.
Tagger and his mad pyro operation
have instilled fear across the city.
This pivotal-
- Uh-oh, I've seen that face before.
What kind of trouble are we in now?
Trouble is my middle name,
and guess what?
We got the bastard.
No freaking way.
You got Syd Hagger?
Like you got him for good, right?
Two 99 year sentences,
back to back consecutively.
Say my name baby.
Oh my God.
(dramatic music)
This is our time, babe, I just know it.
(glasses clinking)
(dramatic music continues)
Thank you for never giving up on me.
Give us two more,
Rufus, it's celebration time.
(phone vibrating)
Don't think about it.
You know who it is, don't play his games.
Just let me get it over with.
I'm gonna get you out of this hell hole.
[Caller] I've missed you terribly.
If you touch her or come near her again,
I swear to God you'll
be playing backdoor pool
with your balls in a knot, get me?
[Caller] Hagger's got
a contract on your head,
it's only the beginning.
And, remember, you are Beelzebub's bitch.
(phone banging)
(fire sizzling)
(upbeat music)
[Speaker] Lexor
Ketchum is channeling funds
to the mad pyro.
[Speaker] The senator himself?
[Speaker] Yes, the kelptocrat.
[Speaker] What's our next play?
[Speaker] We lay the trap.
This better be good, creep.
Oh, this is hot.
So hot that it will put the mad pyro away
for a long time.
(siren wailing)
(engine revving)
Dude, it's now or never.
Wow, you weren't kidding, brother.
Hot to trot indeed.
Have your fun.
Don't beat that shit up too bad.
I want him buried alive.
We gotta send a message.
Brother Hagger would be proud.
(woman screaming)
[Speaker] What happened?
I feel dead, but I'm alive.
Did God save us?
[Speaker] Yes, she did.
[Speaker] All they did was kill 'em.
They should have finished 'em off.
(dramatic music)
(gentle music)
I'm through with all of you.
Thou does make him most blessed forever.
And thou who doth curse
with eternal burning light
those who transgress against these.
Holy art thou, holy art thou, holy art thou
for we are faithful.
Babe, do we have to
watch this movie again?
Yeah.
You're all mad, mad the whole lot of you.
It's called the worst movie
of all time for a reason, hun.
(gentle music)
See?
Wait, watch this.
Let's snuggle and get cozy instead.
Don't you ever interrupt me
during the "Manos Hands
of Fate" again, okay?
I'm serious.
Shut up and kiss me.
All right, I'll let you slide this time.
Bring it.
[Swivel] Take a chill pill, sugar.
Beware, beware, Smith.
Beware, the man who sins
becomes the slave to sin.
Cut the mask of the phantom within
or reap the fires of hell, hell, hell.
(dramatic music) (thunder booming)
[Jessica] You were a beast last night.
Meet me at Custards for lunch.
Jessica.
(siren wailing)
[Swivel] Dude, really?
Let's get to headquarters, Smith.
Can't you see I'm on a date, bro?
With your hand maybe.
Whatever.
Oh shizz.
Oh fuh.
[Mack] But seriously, it's about Jessica.
Get in the car.
Somebody called the cops,
'cause no one can be that hot.
I'm here already, limp prick,
but not for you.
I need myself a marathon man.
What?
(siren wailing)
Our sources have brought us to this man,
Master Xervos former CIA.
He fell off radar a few years back,
but this son of a bitch is the leader
of the Shadow Palm Cult.
(Dixie gasping)
[Swivel] Shadow Palm?
No, not Harry Pump, Shadow Palm.
What the devil is this all about?
What happened to Jessica?
Smith, your new partner,
Detective Dixie Reynolds.
Detective Smith, I've heard
lots of amazing things about you.
Lots and lots.
Lots of things.
Wha-what?
Aw, Smith, would you grow a pair
and be polite to your new partner?
She's a looker, ain't she?
Now wait a second, you know my desk
is swamped with cases.
I don't have time to break in any rookies.
Look, if we want to find
little miss booty bounce,
you'll take Dixie with you.
She got all the intel on Xervos.
We need to trap this filth fest
once and for all.
And let me tell you,
she's a hell of a shot.
I mean, she can blast a
flea off a poodle's pecker
from a mile away.
(guns blasting)
Ultimately this might be our only chance
to bring the Phantom out in the open.
Okay.
Very good.
Now Reynolds, lay some intelligence
on Kingstein here.
I have vital information for you, Smith.
Xervos' lust for grade
A ass knows no bound.
We infiltrate, if we
penetrate we can get in.
We can squeeze.
Squeeze it.
Wha-what is going on here?
I told you she's something.
What kind of a briefing is this?
Listen, I love Jessica,
and have to find her, period.
So what's the plan?
The only way to save her is infiltrate
into the Shadow Palm Temple,
which is hidden in the
Notel Motel downtown.
This is why you and your partner here
are going undercover
and act like it's your honeymoon
as Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
Are we on the same
wavelength, Detective Smith?
He's just nervous, sarg.
Don't worry, hot stuff,
this'll be an easy mission.
And to celebrate I will
take you out for breakfast
for some huevos churros.
Ay, ay, ai Papi-
- Okay, okay. - Chulo.
Ay Papi huevos.
Ooh.
Now let's make this happen, team.
Go get 'em.
(engine reeving)
Listen, Detective Reynolds,
I know you are excited about this mission,
but-
- You have no idea how juiced I am.
Right.
That's why I want us to
be clear on something here.
Um, see, I have a girl.
Girl what?
I have a girlfriend, okay?
It's just the way it is, okay?
Dude, it's Bender.
He's the dude.
He donkey punched one
of our best officers to death.
We have to arrest him.
Stop right there (speaking
in foreign language).
We are supposed to be married
and infiltrating the temple, remember?
Married.
So shut up and kiss me.
Wait.
Get off, stop it.
What are you doing?
I missed.
Okay.
(indistinct) face.
This is not a good idea.
Big mama wants you.
Get off of me madame.
Gee whiz.
Whatever bone brain.
Let's give the inn keeper
a warm welcome, shall we?
Keep cool now, okay?
Let's pretend we are married.
My name is Bender.
I watch after the place
while the master is away.
The master does not like visitors.
What are you doing here?
My sugar pecks here is lost.
We cannot find the Notel Motel,
can you help us?
There's no place like that around here.
Baby, I'm scared.
It's getting dark.
No, hold on.
It's cool, I got this.
Listen, we got lost.
Is there a way out of this dump?
There is no way out of here.
It's getting dark.
There is no way out.
Well, I mean, the master's cool
with a little crash landing, right?
Very well.
It's the last room on the left.
Oh, hell yeah.
But, remember, I get to be on top.
Ay ay ai Papi Chulo.
[Swivel] Okay, honey.
I'm gonna teach you
the ways of the palpari.
Get ready big boy.
Who is that lemon?
[Swivel] Look, it's Xervos.
Ugly, repulsive.
Ugh.
He looks so sinister.
I'm scared.
Hold me.
[Swivel] This bastard is gonna pay.
It's time for your juicing, big boy.
To the palpari.
[Swivel] Here it is,
the last room on the left.
(door squealing)
[Dixie] Do you hear that?
Sounds like singing, doesn't it?
[Swivel] Nonsense.
I'll check the bathroom for any bugs.
Checking for bedbugs baby?
We are getting in that bed.
We have to act like we are married,
or they might catch onto us.
Come on.
You'll thank me tomorrow.
I mean, not only for
follow the sarg's orders,
but one day you are gonna meet a woman,
and you're gonna be able
to please that woman, why?
Because you've had me.
End up with woman maybe if you find someone
that you want to marry
you're gonna know what to do.
I'm gonna teach you how to touch a woman,
how to use your mouth.
I'm gonna teach you
the ways of the palpari.
Get ready big boy.
You're gonna be a bad boy.
Ugh.
Yeah.
You're a bad boy.
Thank you, holy one.
(gentle music)
Get ready for the palpari.
Oh thank you, holy one.
My (indistinct) coming.
Get ready, Detective Smith
for Mamma Mischief.
Detective Smith?
(singer vocalizing)
(dramatic music)
Arise my wives.
(dramatic music continues)
I said arise my wives.
(dramatic music continues)
Serve the will of your master.
For those who never had a daddy,
your new daddy.
For some a sugar daddy.
Our beloved master, Mr. Felix.
(dramatic music continues)
As the leader of the wives,
I demand we end this insanity.
I think it's time we plan for the future.
I am the future.
Have you lost control
over my Eram, Xervos?
No, never my Lord.
Your new mistress stands ready to serve.
See the devotion of your Shadow Palm.
Before she is initiated, she must dance,
dance, dance.
He must not take another.
(dramatic music)
Nevermind her.
Worry about what stands in front of you.
Actions speak louder than words, bimbo.
(dramatic music continues)
You're wrong once again, troll.
I'm his favorite.
(dramatic music continues)
Nobody gets with Felix but me.
What, huh?
(dramatic music continues)
Now get lost, princess.
Want a goodbye kiss?
Why don't you pucker up?
(dramatic music continues)
Felix is mine now.
I run this show.
Felix is mine, skank.
What you call me, whore?
Are you deaf, skank?
(dramatic music)
Wrong answer, Ancient one.
I'm younger and hotter,
but Felix doesn't tell you that.
He only tells me.
(dramatic music)
Take a hike, hussy.
(dramatic music)
Jessica Reynolds, I found the temple.
There's no trace of the Phantom.
They've captured Jessica.
I must kill Xervos.
Over.
(dramatic music)
All right, Xervos, party's over.
Steady.
(dramatic music continues)
Bring out our willing subjects.
Ow.
Okay, okay, we can talk about this.
They have Detective Jones.
What?
Smith, you idiot,
who taught you how to infiltrate?
You did, sir.
Oh God, it's me.
(dramatic music)
Let the executions begin.
(dramatic music continues)
Cut the mask of the Phantom within
or reap the fires of hell, hell, hell.
No.
Take me instead.
(dramatic music continues)
Please.
It's not too late.
(sirens wailing)
Smith, I want you to
meet your new partner,
Detective Dixie Reynolds.
Your reputation proceeds you, Smith.
Glad to be working with you.
(dramatic music continues)
[Swivel] Um, yeah.
Wow, what a night, huh?
There he is, look.
What the hell are you smoking Smith?
Reynolds just got into town this morning.
His face masks a formidable force.
Don't underestimate him.
Let's get to the station,
I have some bad news.
We think Jessica has been abducted.
We think the so called Phantom vigilant
is somehow involved.
(dramatic music)
- I'm not surprised. - Let's go.
(dramatic music)
So he is the one.
He is the Phantom.
Yes.
Sorry it took me so long to nail it,
but lucky for us he talks in his sleep.
Good work, sister.
Now let's show this Phantom
who really runs this city.
You may proceed.
Copy that.
(tires squealing)
(dramatic music)
[Speaker] Shots fired 147 Maple Street.
Requesting backup.
(upbeat music) (sirens wailing)
(upbeat music continues)
(upbeat music continues)
(upbeat music continues)
(upbeat music continues)
(gun firing)
(upbeat music continues)
2025, bruh
And it don't quit
We be legit
And Thunder Knight Entertainment
Won't ever quit
Hit it
I'm on the hunt, always rising high
Mohawk Bob walking tall
Reaching for the sky
From the streets of Denver to LA
God's got my back, fulfilling my dreams
You down with G-O-D, yeah you know me
Breaking barriers, just wait and see
From magazine covers
to the Hollywood scene
With God on my side
I'm living the dream
Once laughed at, now I drive a hearse
Ladies in my corner,
they dance, they twerk
Big muscle boys guard while I shine
It's not the size, it's
the heart, soul, divine
Mohawk Bob here, I do what I do
Jimmy Drain on the mix
Dreams be coming true
Brains over Brawn,
I'm the one they admire
Chase your dreams,
let the light inspire
Thanks to G-O-D I hold my ground
From mohawks to magazines
I'm the talk of the town
God is for you, who
can stand in the way
I'm the king of the city, here to stay
Peace to G-O-D