Helen's Dead (2023) Movie Script

(crickets chirping)
- [Molly] (screaming)
Oh my God! Oh my God!
- What the? Molly?
Molly, are you okay?
- Okay. Helen? Helen?
- [Cameron] Wait a
second. Helen is here?
- [Addie] No, no, no.
I need, I need to call
the cops. Right now.
- [George] I'm sorry.
It's impossible.
- Why?
- Well, the cell service
here is terrible,
and the wifi is down.
It's been absolute aggravation.
- [Cameron] I am
confused. Is Helen okay?
- Helen is dead.
(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music continues)
(suspenseful music continues)
(music fades)
(birds chirping)
(cars drive by)
("The Night-Time"
plays on the jukebox)
- So six years.
- Uh huh.
- What's wrong?
- Hmm? Oh. What?
Nothing. Nothing.
It's a great dance.
And the, the sweats and
the dive bar, it's cute.
- Come on. This is romantic!
This is the bar where we met.
You know, eat the peanuts here.
- Addie. I don't think
you need the extra salt.
I mean, you're not
exactly a gym rat.
- I'm sorry. You're
calling me fat?
Are you serious?
I'm underweight.
- Yeah. Now, but you know
how your weight fluctuates.
I mean, you gain like that.
- Oh my God, you're fat.
- Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay.
I'm just giving you a
little friendly advice.
I've made the leap.
I have cultivated my
own consciousness.
And now finally,
those spiritual dividends
are starting to pay off.
- How so?
- I mean, I mean, I'm
crushing real estate. Yeah.
And despite all the hot
air though, babe, the hype,
I still, still care about you.
And you're fledgling life goals.
- Are you saying I'm immature?
- Well, I think that's a
gross oversimplification.
- Okay, then what the
fuck are you saying, Adam?
- Just-
put a little bit more effort in.
You know, some,
you know, some, mm!
Let it out, flow it out.
I'm on fire right now.
So often in life we
get what we give,
but the only thing you look
like you're giving, is up.
I mean, you're pretty
hot when you want to be.
When you fucking choose to be.
- Pretty?
Okay, great. Look,
we're good, right?
- Oh no.
- [Addie] No?
- No babe, your
hands are really dry.
Kind of a chapped, crusty feel.
Could be warts, though.
Warts are sexually transmitted.
- What?
Are you kidding?
- I don't know. Am I?
- Is this a joke?
- Are you fucking
cheating on me?
- Because of my hand?
- [Adam] Gonna go
to the bathroom now,
but don't think you're getting
off the hook this easily.
(background chatter)
- Adam!
(knocking on door)
Adam. Can we talk?
(pounding on door)
(phone ringing,
voicemail picks up)
- [Helen] Hey, it's me.
Leave a message.
Don't make it long.
- [Adam] Hello, Helen?
I finally broke up with Addie.
Well, I mean, I mostly,
I mostly broke up with,
I mean, she cried.
It was just, I feel
really bad for her.
But I mean,
let's just say it was a
serious step in uncoupling.
(phone ringing, voicemail beeps)
[Cameron] Yo,
Helen, it's Cameron.
You haven't called me
back in a few days.
And look, I know the
last time was weird,
but I, I can't stop
thinking about you.
I remember you said
that your sister
was having a party tonight.
So I'm just gonna show up
and we'll talk it out, okay?
Because I need to be (censored).
(phone rings, voicemail beeps)
- [George] Helen, George here.
I really must ask
that you please
abide by your sister's wishes.
We, we can't have
another situation.
It would be, well, it
would be the end of her,
especially tonight.
And she will drive me insane.
(phone rings, voicemail beeps)
- [Leila] Helen, don't even
think about coming tonight.
You know I'll get back at least
a half a million followers
and I won't let you screw it up.
So if you ignore this warning,
I will literally kill you.
(phone rings, voicemail beeps)
- [Henry] Yo, Helen
is your boy Henry.
Just got out of, you know where,
had some rest, had a shower,
getting ready for you.
We're gonna pull that job
tonight at your sister's house.
Don't back out. You
owe me a lot of money.
So we're gonna do this
thing. I'll see you.
10:30 sharp. Text
me the address.
(soft rock music plays)
- [Leila] Georgie?
What the fuck is this?
- It's music, babe.
- Okay well, can
you turn it off?
Cause it's reminding me of LA.
And I hate it.
- Oh, okay.
That's interesting. What do
you think the trigger is there?
- The music, Georgie,
the trigger is the music.
- Oh, it is, isn't it?
- Yeah the, the music is,
is the subconscious
of any dinner party.
It informs the vibe, and I
want high frequency vibes.
Okay, my moment.
Clean slate.
Tabula rasa.
- All right. Hey, angel,
angel, I am here for you.
All right? For your moment,
it's gonna be great.
In fact, I even found the old
iPod to play the playlist on.
I mean it's a, it's
a tiny mitzvah.
- It's not a mitzvah, Georgie.
Okay, because I
told you to find it,
because the wifi is broken.
- Wifi.
Modern man's connection is
predicated on a wifi connection?
- Don't lecture me.
I am doing emails
from an internet cafe.
- Oh my God.
- This place is a dump.
There's no wifi,
there's no cell signal.
The hallway bathroom is broken.
It's like I'm living my
wide awake nightmare. Okay?
And I'm having attack
thoughts, Georgie.
And it's affecting
my external reality.
- I've heard you,
and thank you for saying
what you're feeling.
But know this, this is a
charming rustic estate.
It needs a few repairs, yes.
But it, it's, it's very nice.
And this is going to
be great for us. Hands?
This night will not fail.
- This night will not fail.
- This night will not fail.
- [Both] This night
will not fail.
This night will not fail.
(tense music)
- [Justine] I dunno.
Won't they think it's weird?
You going all the way out there?
- No. They won't
suspect anything.
Everyone thinks I'm a dinosaur.
I maintain in public I
don't even own an iPhone.
Plus I would never even
admit to going on Instagram.
No. They think this
is a home decor piece.
- [Justine] Sounds
like click bait.
- Well, it's exactly
like click bait baby,
because it is click bait.
Leila's fall from grace
was all anyone could talk
about at the staff meeting.
She's Kardashian adjacent
and a borderline felon.
Not to mention a possessor
of infinite moronicness.
People love to hate her.
- [Justine] You dirty bitch.
- I know, I know. I'm terrible.
But it's business, baby.
And if we don't get
enough subscriptions,
there won't be a
magazine by next year.
And I'll just go down there,
get a nominal amount
of information,
some quotes, et cetera,
and we'll write a
little something up.
- [Justine] Just
be careful, Molly.
- It's just a party with
some mouth breathers.
It'll be fine.
(tense music continues)
(Adam's voicemail greeting)
- [Adam] Hey, it's Adam here.
For all of your
real estate needs,
I'm here for you every
day of the week. 24/7.
- What did he say?
- He didn't answer.
You know, I don't
know you guys, right?
I'm like 27 years old.
That's, that's when
you're an adult.
You know, that's
like an adult age.
And I should have like a
house or like, I don't know,
like a kid or something, right?
- Yeah, you should.
Yeah. I know.
What I had going for me was
a long-term relationship,
but I just feel like I
should have left years ago.
And I know that. I know
that. Okay? I'm aware.
I just, where would I have gone?
Would I have gone to New York?
They're gonna tear my
apart, like warm bread.
I can't go to New York.
You know?
Everybody leaves you.
Everyone leaves, everybody
leaves, right? Yeah.
Leila left me.
Adam's leaving me.
Helen just straight
up betrayed me.
I don't know. Does
anybody have a Xanax?
- Some Benadryl.
- Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah.
Just in there? In your pocket?
All right.
(crickets chirping)
- Georgie.
- What?
- We've had a cancellation.
- Another one!? (hits
the kitchen counter)
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry.
- It's Garrett Rockford. That
means we're six people now.
- Okay. You know what?
That's really not a problem
because a smaller gathering
is potentially very chic.
- A six person
dinner with placement
and fine china is not chic.
It's, it's a fucking failure.
- It's gonna be perfect.
It's going to be perfect.
All right?
(suspenseful music)
- Okay now, when you're
giving her the tour, remember,
don't take her to our bedroom
cause it's not finished.
And then I was
gonna um, oh, right.
Don't let any of the guests
spill anything on the furniture,
because if they do, we're
fucked and we can't return it.
- Obviously.
I, I'll be right back.
- I'm having a
day, is sis around?
- No. It's not a good time.
- [Leila] No. No, no!
Out of my house.
- [Helen] Easy, Queen of Hearts.
Technically not your
house, you're renting.
And like I just said,
I'm having a day.
(suspenseful music continues)
(crickets chirping)
(door shuts loudly)
- You will not ruin me.
I am removing myself
from this dynamic.
- Look, I'm low on cash
and I'm having some
weird romantic issues
and a possible stalker or two.
- Yeah. Shocking.
- Can you just please
let me crash with you?
And figure things out?
Please. I'll stay
out of your life.
- I am not dad! Okay?
- Not my circus. Not my monkey.
- Helen, we are so
happy you're here.
We're just a little surprised.
- Yeah. Well. She's not staying.
- She's family. And
we are gracious hosts.
So please enjoy this drink.
- Thanks. But I'm sober.
- Since when?
- You've got like
a billion rooms,
you won't even know I'm here.
- We don't have a billion rooms.
- Oh my God!
Oh my God.
- What?
- You look so fucking
beautiful right now.
- What are you doing here?
- What? You told me to come.
- No, I didn't.
- I gotta talk to you.
Just, just come here.
Just come here, come here.
- You're being a creep.
- Wow. What's the matter, baby?
- You, you're a fucking psycho.
How many times do
I have to tell you?
We fucked one time
and I was on Coke.
I'm a different person now.
- Sometimes in life, when
we find someone special,
we try to run, try to hide.
But luckily, sometimes there's
another special someone
ready to hunt down that
other special someone
even if it takes 'em
to the gates of Hell.
- Seriously, you
gotta fucking drop it.
You're dating my cousin.
- Out with the trash.
- Okay, let me
clarify this further.
I do not like you.
Or you're stupid long hair,
or you're creepy goatee.
- I understand how
confused you are.
- Ow!
- Oh, you. Where's Addie?
- Addie?
Actually, she got hit by a car.
Yeah, no, I'm just kidding.
Addie's actually
on the rag. Yeah.
Moody, anger. Lot of rage.
- Ew.
- Yeah. She's uh,
she's not coming.
- What?
No, no, no. See,
that's not happening
because we just lost
Garrett Rockford.
And I'm not having five
people at my dinner.
And Helen is persona non grata.
So Addie's coming.
- Not coming.
- Addie's coming.
- She's not coming.
- She's coming.
Addie's coming.
Addie's coming.
(doorbell rings,
knock at the door)
(George clears his throat)
- Molly Ar-
Oh, I'm sorry. Who are you?
- I'm Cameron Green.
Beautiful home you
have here, sir.
- I'm sorry. Are you a
friend of Molly Arden's?
- No, I'm, I'm Cameron Green.
I'm an actor.
You don't know me yet,
but I'm about to blow up.
- You look like you're
blowing up already.
What are you doing here?
- I was invited.
(George laughs)
- Are you serious?
- Yeah.
- All right.
Come in.
- [Cameron] Yeah.
- Is that your mother's ashes?
- I'm sorry?
- Your hand.
- Oh, no.
This is, ah,
this is for you.
It's a, it's a candle.
I-, I got it at the new mall,
the Rocky Mountain Village?
It smells really nice.
I think it's pinewood.
- Oh God. Not really.
- It costs $28, man.
- Ah, you paid way
too much for that.
- You want that?
Yeah. That's like the top
you put on when you don't-
- I understand how candles work.
Would you like a drink?
- I don't drink.
- Drinking problem?
- Pot.
- Mm, not food?
- Pot is the gateway
drug to food.
- This is quite some place
you got here, Georgie.
Did you make a big
cash offer on it?
Fuck you, Adam.
(phone ringing)
- Addie?
(loud talking, music)
- Quiet.
- Addie, can you hear me?
- Hello?
- Where are you?
- I'm with my friend.
- Don't fuck me on this.
- No, it just,
something came up, okay?
Leila, get off my back.
- Addie. Okay.
You, you are the anchor.
You are the rock.
I, I need you here and,
and, and, you know-
you're ungrateful. I'm
trying to help you.
Molly Arden is going
to be here. Okay?
I'm not totally irrelevant.
You know, I still
have a following.
- Yeah. Are those active
followers or are they bots?
- God, you're such a child.
- Bu, bu, bu, bots.
- You don't even have the
decency to tell me yourself?
You send that thumb
in your place?
- What, Adam's there?
- Yeah. And if he tries to
sell one of my guests a house,
I will hurt him.
- No, no, no.
I'm gonna, I- I, I can make it.
I, I am, Yes, I'm coming.
- Oh, hey.
Are you in the market
yourself for any real estate
or anything like that?
Because I've got a couple
of pocket listings.
I think you might
be interested in.
Some really nice trailers.
Nothing within a thousand
feet of a school though,
so you should be good.
- Is Helen around?
- I haven't seen her.
- No. I'm sure she's
around somewhere.
Ah, Leila.
Thank God you're here. This is-
- Leila Bruno?
Oh, The Leila Bruno?
- I think.
- I have seen your face so much.
I feel like I know you.
That must make you Dr. George,
the famous Dr. George!
Real celebs in our
little town! Holy cow!
- Wow. It took you that
long to recognize me?
Thank you for that.
He's so charming.
Let's keep him around.
- I think the intelligence
is refreshing.
- [Cameron] I got a couple of
showbiz connections myself.
My second cousin is Jason
Alexander's ex-wife.
- Who are you?
- I'm Cameron Green, the actor.
- Actors. J'adore.
You're all so brilliant.
- All of you.
- All of you.
What have I seen you in?
- Maybe you saw me as Tevye at
the Jewish Community Center?
- No.
- Mm. Community theater.
- Well, yeah, but I'm actually
moving out to Los Angeles.
- What are you doing here?
- Helen invited me.
- That's weird. As she
herself wasn't invited.
- Yes. I'm so sorry, friend.
But it's just not gonna
work out for you to stay.
It's a kind of a
big deal tonight.
- But I, I, I got you
guys a housewarming gift.
It, it, it's, it's
got three wicks!
- [Leila] No.
- [George] I'm good.
- Please?
- What did you say
your name was again?
- Cameron Green.
- Can I call you Garrett?
- Oh?
- We're down at Garrett.
And I have a place card.
And you said you're an actor.
- I mean, yeah.
- A brilliant actor.
- Yeah.
- Well, mazel tov!
You got the part.
- Uh, I got the part?
What is the part?
- Yes. Okay.
So the role of
Garrett is dynamic.
Colors, hues, I want a
nuanced performance, okay?
None of this community
theater bullshit.
Okay? Venture, finance, hedge.
- Venture finance, hedge.
- But patron of the arts,
art lover, big collector.
- I collect things.
- Culture vulture,
power, conquest. Action.
- Maybe I should play Garrett.
I'm pretty masculine myself.
- No, thank you.
- Charming, expensive, supine.
- That's me. I can do that.
- I think you're
going to have to
really stretch
yourself for this role.
(door bell rings)
- Huh!
- Who's that?
- That's Molly. Oh my God. Okay.
- That's Molly Arden.
- Who's Molly?
- Oh my god.
George, take everyone
into the dining room.
- All right. This way.
- Okay. Okay.
- Everyone don't talk.
Don't open your mouth in
front of her. Let's go.
- Yes. Whoo!
- Hi, Molly. I'm so glad you
can make it. You are just a-
- All right. Right this way.
But don't make yourself
too comfortable.
I don't know how
long you can stay.
The wife's a bit
of a taskmaster.
Would you like a
refreshing refreshment?
I should have offered
that straightaway.
- Do you have apple juice?
- No.
(door bell rings)
- Welcome to our humble abode.
A little slice of heaven.
This will not fail.
Because of me.
Oh, hello-
- Oh, you would not believe
the trouble I had getting here!
I fishtailed twice!
- Oh! high desert.
Holly Martin.
- It's Molly.
- Oh. Right. I know. (laughing)
Oh my God. Yes.
- Can I come in?
- Please! Yes.
Let me take your coat.
- Thank you.
Wow. This bottle! Pure class.
I hear this is a
great year, actually.
- It is.
- Let me put your coat
down. Georgie! Coats!
This way. Thank you.
- Your home is white.
- Thank you.
- Well, it is.
- I find the simplicity
of it extremely calming.
- But didn't you say once that
you'd never step foot in
this shithole town again?
(both laughing)
- I hope you're hungry.
- Starving.
- Good.
Molly Arden, let me
introduce you to everyone.
This is Garrett
Rockford, finance wiz.
Next to George Chorez.
You might have heard of him.
- Oh. You know, your
name does sound familiar.
- Really?
- Don't you do a top
30 under 30 every year?
- Yeah.
- [Leila] Top 30 material.
- More like top
10. I like to brag.
- And he's a huge collector.
- Mm. Of, of who?
- [Cameron] What
don't I collect?
Comic books, baseball cards.
I've actually recently
been collecting
old Hustler magazines.
- So funny and modest.
You know he's a Mensa IQ.
- Ah.
- Sit.
- Hello.
- Hey.
- First course, steak tartar.
- If you'll allow me.
- Oh, thank you.
- Shouldn't we wait for Helen?
- Well, you'll be
waiting forever
because she won't be joining us.
- Why?
- Good.
- What?
- That sucks.
- Let's eat.
- Oh, you two are
such a cute couple.
- Oh, you know,
we get that a lot.
Hashtag couple goals.
- I'm sorry, is Helen
really not coming?
'Cause she said
she was meeting me.
- Well, you know,
she's so reliable.
- She said she was
meeting you here?
- Yeah, we're, we're very close.
Maybe I'll just go
give her a call.
- Good luck with that.
- [George] Yes. Why
don't you do that?
- Okay. Great.
(crickets chirping)
(tense music)
- [Cameron] Damn it.
- I'm just gonna talk to
him. I'm just gonna explain-
He's horse shit.
- Whoa!
- Sorry.
- Whoa!
- Okay. It's okay.
- Whoa.
All right. Okay. Yeah.
Thank you. Sorry about that.
- Oh my. Are you okay?
- Yes.
- Okay. Are you like, you
know, lost or something?
- What? No, this is
my cousin's house.
- Cousin?
Is your cousin Leila or Helen?
- They're both my cousins.
They're sisters,
you fucking idiot.
- Oh my God. Amazing!
Because I'm looking for
Helen, I can't find her.
I've been looking
for her everywhere.
- Wait, wait. Okay.
You know Helen?
- Yeah. Helen invited me.
You haven't seen her have you?
- God, no! No! I
haven't seen Helen.
- Geez.
- Sorry. Yeah. I don't know.
I'm Addie. I apologize.
- Addie? Addie!
Oh my God! This is crazy.
Cause that's why I'm here.
Helen invited me so
that I could meet you.
She wanted us to,
you know, meet.
You know, trying to set us up.
- Why?
- Don't know, I
guess she thought
I was a strapping
young gentleman
and thought we'd get along.
- No, totally. Yeah.
This guy, he's my
consolation prize
for fucking my boyfriend.
Awesome. All right.
You're looking for Helen.
Tell her I'm gonna
fucking kill her.
- Well, you know, it's a
buyer's marker right now.
- Adam can't see me like this.
- Hey, Helen. It's me.
Finally got some
service out here.
Not sure where you're at, but
I, I met your cousin Addie.
She seems sweet.
You know what? Why don't, why
don't I call you, try you-
(music intensifies)
- This is where you go.
Hey, you want a fucking
smoke show Adam?
I'll give you a
motherfucking smoke show.
Fucking hot girl.
Show you.
Oh, hell yeah.
I'm fucking, I'm way
hotter than Helen.
Yeah. I'm like, I'm
like marginally like
hotter as a person.
I'm a better listener than
Helen. I'll tell you that much.
I can cook a soft
boiled egg very well.
I took a course on composting
and I learned a lot and-
Fuck my life!
- And that's why we
left. It's just not us.
It's toxic.
- Oh, is it?
I love LA.
- Well, you're a great couple
and I love what you've
done with the place.
- Thank you.
- Kind of like a, like
a Beverly hillbilly.
- Molly, you haven't
touched your steak tartar.
- You know? I know. Honestly,
I am, I am a vegetarian.
So I, I don't eat red
meat. It, it makes me gag.
Honestly. It's fine.
I'll just, I'll get the
next course. It's fine.
- Well, our next
course is shrimp, so.
- I eat shrimp.
- (relieved, laughing) She
eats shrimp. You eat shrimp.
- I love shrimp.
- Georgie go get
her some shrimp.
- Yes!
- You know what? Let's
just take everyone's, yes.
All of them.
- Of course.
All of them. Just
get all of them.
- Steak tartar, so gross.
It's raw meat. What
was I thinking?
- I'll help you.
- It's all right. This
is really not necessary.
- Oh, it is.
- Gosh, they seem
fun, don't they?
Well, they haven't been the
same since the incident.
- The incident?
- Oh, you want know
about the incident?
- Yes, I do.
Start from the beginning.
- [Adam] The incident was
Layla's ultimate downfall.
I mean, she had
banged her way through
half of the record industry
and gotten her sister,
the oh so fine Helen,
a meeting with Crock
Vic who could propel
her music career forward
if he felt like it.
Helen gets hammered.
I mean, she was already a
fucking little pill popper.
Leila sees this random fan
chick record this on her phone,
you know, like her cell phone.
She tries to be cool about it,
but the lady just
doesn't stop recording.
So she flips out,
pushes this poor lady over,
who never stops recording.
- Oh my God.
That is so much
worse than I heard.
- Well, there was an NDA
after the settlement.
- Settlement?
- For the brain damage.
Imagine drooling from a chair
and shitting yourself for
the rest of your life.
- Oh my God.
And you were there?
- No, but I heard all about it.
(shower running)
And that was when the
monk got down on his knees
and just sobbed and
sobbed and sobbed.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
- That's a great story.
- Are you in the market?
You looking for any property?
- Oh, sorry.
No, I actually, I
live in New York,
so just passing through here.
- What about a vacation home?
- More vino?
- We may be a small
town, but you know,
we'll do a lot more to you
than just make you
squeal like pig.
I mean, we got musicians,
directors, actors.
- Mm. Fascinating.
- Well, they're all
in entertainment
and I'm in publishing, so.
- Oh God. RIP.
I mean, pour one
out for the homies.
That industry is just fucked.
- Is it?
- Can you just go check
on George in the kitchen?
He needs help with the shrimp
and can you go see to him?
- Yeah. Okay.
- [Leila] Now.
- Yeah.
- So sorry.
- Cheers.
- Shall we?
- Wonderful.
So let's talk.
- Okay.
- I mean, no one
else is here, right?
- No, I know.
This is cozy. It's kind of nice.
- Yeah, it is really nice.
It's really nice.
How have you been?
- I've been really good.
- Yeah?
- [Leila] Yeah.
It's so nice to just
get away from it all.
- [Molly] Mm. Yeah.
- Hear yourself saying sure.
- Yeah.
- You kind of have
to in a way, right?
Just avoid all
the people, right?
- [Leila] Avoid?
- [Molly] Well, you know,
because of the
incident, everything,
that's been going on.
- It was just time.
Mm. Kind of like a, you know.
- I don't know.
- God does for you what
you cannot do for yourself.
- [Molly] Compliments
to the chef.
It's delicious, darling.
- Hello, Leila.
Yes. Lovely. I, it's
been a really crazy day.
I'm- Adam knows all about that.
I'm sorry. This is your dress.
Thank you for the loan.
I'm not sure who you are.
Hi. Hello, Leila.
Oh, I'm so, I'm here.
- Yeah you are.
- [Addie] Hello. Yeah.
- [Leila] And that's my dress.
- [Addie] Yeah.
- Okay. Well, everyone,
this is, my cousin Addie.
This is Molly Arden.
- Hi.
- And this is Garrett.
You know Georgie. And-
- So we meet again.
When you said you were
gonna kill Helen, right?
- Oh my God. All men
are obsessed with her.
- [Cameron] You know, she
told me a lot about you
and that you're in a band!
that is so freaking cool.
You, you still play?
She lost interest.
- I lost interest.
Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
It had nothing to do
with my undying love
and devotion to you that's
completely misguided?
- Addie!
- Intriguing.
- Addie.
- Are you guys like together?
Oh. That's a great
question Garrett,
can you answer Garrett's
amazing question for me?
Can you answer for
me and Garrett?
Are we still together?
Because what the fuck
are we doing here
after six fucking years Adam!?
- (shouting)
Everyone stop eating!
I forgot the lemon,
(both laughing)
so I'll just go get the lemon.
- [Leila] Classic Georgie,
he is so forgetful.
- Would you like some water?
And for the record, I
think you deserve better.
- All men cheat eventually.
- I would never.
- Because you're
such a fucking catch?
- As a matter of
fact, yes, I am.
I'm doing a one-man show
at the Linzek right now.
Cameron Green is Jake LaMotta,
and I've been training
the last six months.
- Who's Cameron Green?
- So, here we are, got the lemon
to make this meal perfect.
I'll start with Molly.
- Okay.
- Alrighty.
(lemon squirts)
- Ouch! Shit!
Oh. Oh, I'm, I'm-
- Oh God.
- So sorry.
I, I know exactly what to do.
- What are you do-
are you taking my-
- Yes. And I'm just gonna-
- What are you doing?
You poked me in the eye!
Jesus Chr-
- My nail is longer than, ah-
- Okay! Okay. You know what?
I'm just gonna find
a bathroom somewhere.
- All right.
Just so you know, the one in
the hallway does not work,
but the one en
suite is functional.
- Which is also fab.
- [Molly] Okay.
All right.
- It has a heated toilet,
so give that a try.
- Shit. God dammit.
- I'm gonna go help her.
I'm just gonna go with
her and help really quick.
(tense music)
(water running)
- God! You scared me.
- Hi. I just needed to ask you
if you could stay away
from my boyfriend tonight?
Adam, the guy that
you're next to,
he's just like, we're having
a really rocky day with us,
and I just don't
have the bandwidth
for any more
complications with this.
You guys talking.
- I should be flattered.
I'm old enough to
be your mother.
- Oh my God. No, you're so hot.
Like you could pull any
guy in his twenties.
That's why I'm like worried.
- Thank you. But I wasn't
flirting with your boyfriend.
In fact, I've been married to
my wife for many, many years,
and honestly, it's
none on my business.
But you really should
get rid of that guy.
He's a total piece of trash.
Excuse me. Let me pass, please.
- Yeah, but I need to
talk to him alone first.
Okay. I need to
get things sorted.
Just, just gimme
20 minutes. Okay?
- Are you seriously trying
to restrain me right now?
Have you lost your fucking mind?
(tension builds, they struggle)
(shrieking) Oh my God!
- Oh shit.
- Oh my God! There's
someone dead!
- Guys!
(Molly runs by,
screaming and crying)
- Molly are you okay?
- Helen.
- [Cameron] Wait a
second. Helen is here?
- [Addie] No, no, no.
I need, I need to call
the cops right now.
- Sorry. It's impossible.
- Why?
Well, the cell service
here is terrible,
and the wifi is down.
It's been absolute aggravation.
- [Cameron] I am
confused. Is Helen okay?
- Helen is dead.
- Oh my. How did that happen?
- What? We, we were
supposed to be together.
- What? I thought you came
here and be set up with me?
- I lied. Look, you're hot and
all, but have you seen Helen?
I mean, come on.
- Are you a sociopath?
Someone is dead and you're
talking to her about dating?
- You're the sociopath!
- How am I the sociopath!?
- Because this is your house!
- Guy, shut the fuck up!
Look at this, this is blood.
(crickets chirping)
- That's not blood.
- That's syrup.
- What? Taste it, then.
- I'm not gonna taste
syrup off the floor.
(distant screaming)
- Oh. Oh no.
- What are you doing?
- Don't touch her.
It's a crime scene.
- Let him touch
her. He's mourning.
- She's dead.
This is gonna look so bad.
This is gonna look like
I fucking killed her!
Which I definitely did not.
- Is that blood on her face?
- Well, yeah, of
course it's blood.
- I don't know.
- When I left her, she was fine.
- You said you hadn't seen her!
- Oh, come on! She
was obsessed with me.
She probably killed
herself over me.
- [Cameron] Oh. Oh God.
She's still warm.
- Ugh, I can't even
mourn her. You asshole.
- Wait. Were they?
- Yeah, yeah. Fucking?
I just found out today.
- No! (crying)
God, why!?
She was supposed to be mine!
- (running and crying)
There was a man!
I swear, I saw him!
He's here! He's coming!
- Oh my God! Are you okay?
- I'm not opening the door,
there's an axe
murderer on the loose!
- Molly. Have you
taken something?
- These are horrible vibes.
Molly is freaking out.
Apparently there's an axe
murderer on the loose,
and then now she's
hiding in a bathroom.
- Did you hear that? An axeman.
I mean, that's concerning.
- Okay, Helen. Right. right?
- What has Helen done now?
- Died. She's dead, Leila.
- No, she's not dead.
No. Oh my God.
No, no, no, no.
She's, she's, she's-
She's just passed out.
- She's got no pulse.
- No no, it's there,
it's, it's there.
It's there. It's, it's
just, it's- it's faint.
- What are you talking about?
She's definitely dead!
Nothing! Nada!
- No, she's- just
give me a minute!
- We need to call
the cops. All right?
Lei, we need to call
the cops right now.
We're gonna call the cops.
- [George] Oh my God. Do
you think it's foul play?
I mean, maybe it's
the axe murder.
- Here's what we're gonna do.
- [Addie] Okay? We're
gonna call the cops.
- No. Okay.
We are going to put
her in the closet
because we are not going
to traumatize Molly Arden.
And then someone is
going to go outside,
and then they are going
to call the cops. Okay?
- I elect Garrett.
- Yes.
- Okay. Grab her feet.
- [Addie] No.
- [Cameron] Ho ho. No.
- [Addie] No, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
- Whoa. Molly, Molly!
- What is going on in here!?
- [Leila] Nothing!
- They're trying to put
a body in the closet
and Leila's not even sure
that her own sister's dead.
- Why are you here?
- Because she's my cousin
and she's your sister!
- Half sister!
- All you care about is some
past her prime journalist!
- What?
- [Addie] Like, I
can't believe you.
I can't believe
you care more about
your fucking shitty dinner party
that none of us
wanted to come to,
cause you turned your
back on us the second
you became like a lifestyle
influencer or whatever,
than your own fucking
dead sister. Okay?
- And what the fuck
is your problem?
What makes you so great?
What? You're better
than me because you post
political action and
pottery and not selfies?
You've never even left
this fucking town.
You barely have a job,
and you're still with
your fucking dead ass
yoga loving boyfriend who's
fucking cheating on you!
- There's nothing
wrong with yoga.
- [Both] Shut up!
- At least the entire world
doesn't think I'm
a fucking joke.
Alert me when there's a funeral.
I am so mad at you. But
I'm sorry that you're dead.
- Wait, she can't
leave, can't she?
Can I? Oh God. Move!
- [Leila] That was so mean.
- Oh God.
I'm so sorry I let you down,
but I'm gonna have to go now.
- Molly.
- Molly, family!
- What if you and I took a
little walk around the house
because I totally forgot
about our wine cellar.
You absolutely have to see it.
- You're gonna love it.
- I'll take my chances
with the axe murderer.
- Fuck.
(intense music)
- Oh. Great.
So we're being robbed now?
- Who said anything
about a robbery?
- I think she just assumed.
- Assumed what?
- Oh, it's just, it's just
the fact you have a gun.
- It's for hunting.
- Yeah, man. The
guns I'm cool with.
I mean, I'm all for
open carry myself.
For me, it's just
more of the, the axe.
- They match my boots.
- Well, regardless, you
can't just waltz in here.
Like we're having
a dinner party.
- I was invited by
my girlfriend Helen.
- Who?
- Yeah. I don't, I don't know.
- [Cameron] Never heard of her.
- You must have the wrong house.
- Blonde. 5'4. petite.
She loves to sing.
- Oh, Helen and I
used to sing together!
- [Adam] Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
I think you mean Helena?
- Right! Helena! Yes.
More like yodeling.
- Are we done yet?
Somebody needs to
get me to my girl.
Now where is she?
- Okay, but just,
just to be clear,
are we talking about
Helen or Helena?
- Shut the fuck
up. Where is she?
- [Adam] Oh, okay.
- [Henry] What the
fuck is going on?
Fucking look at that.
Hurry up!
Oh my God.
I don't trust none
of you motherfuckers.
Everybody get against
the wall, now!
Who did this to my girl?
- Your?
- I told you earlier
that she was my girl.
- Of course.
- Molly is the one who found
her in the closet, actually.
And on the face of it,
that is very suspicious.
- you're seriously
trying to implicate me?
- No.
- I mean, she obviously OD'ed!
Which is tragic.
I mean, how do you think
I feel? She's my sister.
- Okay. OD'ed?
That's horse shit.
- Wait, speak on it.
- She didn't OD.
- Well, how would you know?
- Because I'm her sponsor.
- Liar!
She wasn't sober. She's
been drinking all night!
We don't even know who you are.
I mean, he says his
name is Garrett,
but I happen to know
it's Cameron Green.
- I thought that
was your stage name.
- [Henry] Wait,
wait, wait, wait.
You the same dude that
tried to hand me that flyer
in front of that spot.
- One night only! Come
to my one man show.
Cameron Green is Jake LaMatta.
One night only, 20% off!
Okay. That-
- I'm sorry. You lied to me?
- No, I would never lie to you.
She, she made me change
my name for the party.
- Says you.
- Yeah.
- [Cameron] I swear to God.
I, I told you guys
I didn't kill Helen.
I didn't!
- [Leila] That sounds like
something a murderer would say.
(gun fires)
(everyone screams
and begins panicking)
- You said that was for hunting!
- Not this one.
You think you're slick.
I've been watching
you the whole time.
You're trying to
make a phone call
to get motherfuckers to pull up?
I'm not having it. Give
me the fucking phone.
- If you want this
phone you're gonna
have to rip it out of
my cold dead hands.
It's actually a
really nice phone.
I think you're
really gonna like it.
It's got some nice upgrades.
- Matter of fact, everybody
gimme their phone.
Your wallets, your purses,
everything on the
couch right now.
- [Molly] Okay.
- My mother's maiden
name's Holmes.
- Wait! You said this
wasn't a robbery.
- I lied.
While y'all was eating,
we were supposed to snatch
up all y'all's shit,
but nobody was eating.
- [George] I, I'm sorry. We?
- Me and Helen.
This was her plan.
- Fucking bitch.
- Fucking bitch.
- And you!
- What? Me? No! I'm innocent!
I swear that they're the
ones who, who killed Helen.
Look at us!
I mean, we're both, we're both-
Are you possibly
Jewish? I don't know.
I'm an actor. I'm an artist.
I'm training right now
for, for a boxing role.
- Perfect.
We're gonna fight.
And if you land one
punch, just one,
I'm out.
- Okay, hold on.
What happens if I, I
don't get a punch in?
I don't feel so good.
- You've been training, right?
- Yeah. For the, for the
role of Jake LaMatta.
I'm a fucking actor, man.
There's gotta be
another option here.
Look at it this way.
We both cared about
the same woman!
That's gotta mean something!
You were fucking Helen.
I wanted to fuck her!
That makes us one!
- Look, bruh, listen to me.
I gotta fuck somebody up
for what happened to Helen.
And right now it's you.
- This is terrible.
- I know.
- Oh my God. I was
talking about him.
- This must be some
type of joke, right?
Because I'm over here
about to fuck him up.
But all of y'all are suspects.
Everybody in this room,
I believe have something to do
with the fact that
Helen is dead right now.
And I'm gonna get
to the bottom of it.
But for now, get
your fat ass up.
Let's go.
All you gotta do is
get one punch in.
Cause if you get that in,
then you become
everybody's hero.
And I'm out.
- You don't have to do this.
- But if you do,
we appreciate it.
(crying in pain)
- Get your ass up.
- Ow, ow, ow, ow.
That's my jacket.
- Hey. So I just
want you to know that
I just checked with Georgie,
and he assured me that he's not
gonna let this guy kill you.
- Of course not.
- Hold on a second.
- Come on!
- We're gonna really do this,
I need a second to find
Jake LaMatta within me.
- And we're like, really sorry.
But like, I think that this
is really good maturity.
For the article.
(Molly crying)
- The article?
She doesn't want to
talk about the article.
(Cameron screaming)
- Do something.
- Don't be an idiot, Addie.
I make one move. He shoots.
If we wanna survive, I gotta
be this guy's best friend.
- Let's go motherfucker. Yeah!
What you doing?
Look at the feet, Look
at the feet motherfucker.
Look at the feet.
(there is a loud
punch, Cameron screams)
- Great job buddy.
Work your jab!
- Shut the fuck up.
- Look, we can forget about
this whole part how we got here.
Just forget that.
And just call the cops
and we'll figure out what
happened to Helen. Okay?
(another punch, window breaks)
- Fuck.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
You three right here.
I ain't done with you yet.
- Justine.
Turns out this was
a horrible idea,
but I got what I came for.
We are not running an exclusive
on Leila Bruno's
restaurant incident.
No, no, no.
Fuck, my keys.
We are running an
exclusive on Leila Bruno,
monster of late stage
capitalism and her party,
the worst fucking
night of the century.
The fucking keys.
Hi, Leila.
I was just looking for you.
- I feel very unseen right now.
I thought you got it.
- Yeah, I got it.
- I'm a small town girl.
Who wanted more.
I used my body
and my smarts and-
I got out.
Charmed my way onto a couple
of shitty reality shows.
Used social media as
a means for success.
So what!
That's the world that
we live in, baby. Okay?
- Yeah. All right.
I'm not judging you.
- Looking for these?
(keys jingle)
But you see.
You are judging me.
Everyone is.
I'm just like this
big hug of hate
for everyone who wants to
feel better about themselves.
(laughing bitterly)
(powers on the handsaw)
My life is ruined.
I had a meltdown in front
of 20 million people.
My sister's dead. And I
can't even process it!
turning on the saw)
You're here recording notes
for some exclusive to,
to further humiliate me
and present me some
social media monster!?
Is that what you're
trying to do!?
- I'm sorry, okay!
(Leila shouting,
powering on saw)
I'm sorry!
- You're sorry?
I'm not.
You wanna see a monster?
(screaming and crying,
the power saw roaring)
(crickets chirping)
- [George] There you are.
- [Henry] The man.
Dr. George, I was just here
singing your praises, man.
The, the house, the ambiance,
the music, the energy,
the invite.
Oh, yeah.
And, and, and this
shrimp is, it's killer.
- Oh. Thank you so much.
The secret actually is just
a little squeeze of lemon.
- Nobody need to hear
all that pussy ass shit.
Sit your ass back down.
- Yes, sir.
(gentle music)
- [Henry] Wow.
Sparring from earlier
got me a little hungry.
- I don't think Garrett did it.
- Who gives a shit?
The guy was gonna kill
somebody, understandably,
and better him than us.
What? What?
- I thought he was a nice guy.
- Nice guy.
You always think
everybody's so fucking nice.
In reality, people are soulless
and spineless pieces of shit.
I mean that the
guy had it coming.
I like this guy. You
know what I mean?
- I would encourage
you to try the drink.
It's a special drink I made,
it's called a Georgie Boy.
Pairs wonderfully with a meal.
It's even got some lavender.
(somber music)
- [George] Got some lavender-
- Stop!
George did it.
- What?
You think I killed Helen?
- [Adam] It all makes sense now.
Guy fucking killed her.
- I am the host
with the most man.
I would never ever do
anything like that.
- Dr. George?
Is there poison in this drink?
I want you to think long and
hard about your answer, Sir.
- Fucking think, George.
- No.
- No?
- Hm.
- No.
- No.
- No way.
- No. Stay out of it.
- No?
- No. Absolutely not.
- By all means.
- Right.
I made, I made it for you.
I just don't wanna waste it.
I wanted you to have it, but-
Drink the fucking drink, George.
- Hmm. Not a problem really?
The Georgie Boy is very good.
It's a slight lavender.
Very excited about-
- Swallow it.
- Cheers, everyone.
I can assure you that
is the sheez-neez.
- Hm.
Sounds like hip hop.
- Actually heard it at
a beat poetry reading.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- [Henry] You know what
would be sheez-neez for me?
- What's that?
- A cold beer.
- I will get you a beer.
In fact, I will put
it in a frosted glass.
- No. No, no, no, no need.
I can open my own
beer just fine.
- All right. It's an IPA,
so you're kind of
wasting the experience.
But it's up to you.
Everyone's different.
(George gagging, throws up)
- He definitely did it, right?
- [Addie] Yeah.
- 1000000%.
There's no way he didn't.
- Your beer, sir.
- [Henry] Thank you.
So is the good doctor finally
ready to tell us the truth?
- I can explain.
- About Helen's death?
- You're not helping Judas.
- We're listening.
- Helen was always
going to be a problem.
Leila was nervous as it was.
And to be honest,
and I'm not a doctor.
- You are a doctor!
- In my opinion,
she's undiagnosed bipolar
with shades of mania.
Anyways, I didn't
mean to kill Helen.
Right? I just wanted
to knock her out.
That's why I gave
her the Trazodon.
Maybe it was the Fentanyl.
- What are you doing here?
- [George] Maybe it was
interacting with something
she was already taking.
If she was 150 pounds,
that would mean-
- My girl was not 150 pounds.
- [Adam] 150 Pounds?
- Clearly not.
I mean, I don't know.
She just seemed dense, you know,
like iron or a black hole.
But my point is, I got it wrong.
And I feel bad about that.
I didn't think that she
would take the drink,
being newly sober.
But like they say about addicts,
once an addict,
always an addict.
And that's when
I found her body.
And then that's when she saw me.
- [Henry] So, so let
me get this straight.
You put the same
poison in this drink,
and you were gonna
give it to me?
As you gave to Helen?
- Yes. And I apologize for that.
- And then you drank it?
- I did.
Because I am a doctor
and I know that all I have
to do is make myself puke
within the first five-
(distant sound of a power tool)
- What's that?
- Leila? Molly?
Think they're gonna
make it down in time?
- No.
- So George did it. He
was the actual murderer.
- I mean, not to be a dick,
but look at the fucking guy.
I mean, if we're
playing Clue here,
he's Mr. Mustard
with his candle stick
up somebody's ass all day long.
I mean, bald, thin.
Bald, creepy.
By the way, the shaved head
looks very good on you.
- I mean, not to
freak y'all out, guys,
but it's just dawned on me that
I can't leave any witnesses.
- [Addie] We're not witnesses.
- Yeah, witnesses to what?
I didn't see shit.
Addie, did you see shit?
- I didn't see anything.
No, I, I mean, people died.
But that was self-defense!
You killed him in self-defense!
I mean, and that guy, Garrett.
- Cameron.
- Yeah. Attacked you.
I just saw you
being cool as shit,
teaching an ungrateful
actor how to box.
I mean, it's not your fault
he can't take a punch.
- George drank his own poison.
You didn't kill anybody!
- Yet.
- Oh, hey, listen,
I'm a deal man,
so let's make a deal, okay?
We can both blame
Addie. She's got motive.
I mean, I was fucking
her best friend.
Also, your girlfriend
who you love.
But man, I mean,
you know me and you,
We just cross swords, man.
- Don't get fucking
stupid. You understand?
- Okay, I get it.
You want me to prove myself?
You wanna see how far I'll go?
Okay well listen, my
body is at your disposal.
Give me the gun,
and I will shoot this bitch
in the motherfucking
the head right now!
Gun, please!
Oh okay.
In that case,
I'll slash this
motherfucking bitch's throat!
But I would way, way rather
shoot her with the gun.
Why don't you gimme
the gun, buddy?
Is that cool?
Just gimme the gun
and I will kill her!
I've got kind of a
fucked up rotator cup.
- I think I got a
better plan for you two.
Once you're done out here,
I think it's time for
you to get a new man.
(crickets chirping)
- [Adam] I wasn't
gonna shoot you, babe.
I was trying to get
him to give me the gun
so I could shoot him.
- Okay, I got that.
- I mean, it may
not have worked,
but it's kind of genius
if you think about it.
- Do you think we can make it
out if we just walk outta here?
- God. I can barely
walk as it is. I'm shot.
Also. How do I know if
I've lost too much blood?
- You'd be shutting up probably.
- [Adam] Ah.
I think we should just
do what the killer guy
says till somebody
comes and finds us.
(both gasping and struggling)
- How long before someone
realizes were gone?
- Oh. Here we are at the end.
The moon is full.
It's kind of romantic.
- Yeah. Like in like a
Satan is real, kind of way.
- Yeah.
- So you're gonna chop 'em up
and I'll throw bits of it
in the bushes? Or what?
- Why do I have to chop 'em up?
- You have the hatchet.
- I don't want it anymore.
My rotator cuff is
really fucked up.
Plus, I'm shy.
- My God fine. Okay.
He's not mushy.
He's more like a grocery
store sort of meat thing.
- Come on, we gotta
scatter him really far.
Get over there.
What are you, scared?
- Shit no. Carve his ass up.
(she starts chopping)
(choking and vomiting)
How can you just chop
him up like that?
- Here, catch.
- Jesus Christ! What
is wrong with you?
- Just throw it in the ditch,
I'm fucking cold! Hurry!
- [Adam] Just saying. You can't
just throw arms at people.
Gotta say, you got a lot
of confidence right now.
I like it.
- What?
- Confidence.
You just really got your
shit together tonight.
- Are you kidding?
The saddest thing is,
that's like the nicest thing
you've said to me in
a really long time.
- Nice. Nice. What
does nice get you?
Nice gets your fat ass killed.
- Two seconds ago you
were talking about
how you're in love with Helen.
- Yeah, but she's dead now,
so that's just like so good
that I didn't officially
break up with you.
I mean,
that's just the universe
telling me she's not the one.
- See you guys.
- Hey, babe.
Good show, huh?
- Yeah. Thanks.
- Cool how you can
just play around town
a couple days a week. You know?
It's nothing serious. It's fun.
- It's kind of serious for me.
- Well, it's not like Helen
like serious though, fuck.
- Yeah. I mean, she
sings with us sometimes.
- Yeah, but I mean, she's
just got signed, right?
She's not gonna want to
play in the sticks anymore.
- Yeah. I mean, the
guys and I are gonna
record an EP and stuff
and like get jobs on that.
- The guys?
- Yeah.
- Hey.
- What?
Oh my God. What?
- I want to talk to
you about something.
- Right now?
- Oh yeah.
- Oh my God.
- Hold on.
- Yeah.
- Listen, I, I just,
I don't think that it's very
respectful to my relationship
with you just being in a band.
- I just, it's, that's what
I wanna do with my life,
you know?
- I know.
But imagine if everyone
that I saw at work
were a bunch of half
naked troglodytes
who just wanted to bang me.
How would that make you feel?
- Yeah, it's just
my career, you know?
- I know, but baby, where do
you really think it's gonna go?
I love you, but as a
friend, you're pushing 30.
I mean, don't we want
to have kids someday?
You don't want to be some
heroin addicted fucking mom
desperately chasing a dream
of being the next
Janice Joplin, do you?
- Yeah, I know.
I understand. I get it.
I get that.
- You do, right?
Yeah, because I fucking love you
and I'm just giving
it to you real.
- I don't wanna be
with you anymore!
- Oh, come on.
You love me. I know you love me.
- No, I haven't loved
you in a very long time.
I was just scared.
I was just afraid of growing up.
You're my first love. I
didn't know any better.
I didn't know that
I had other options
like this guy or whatever.
- Well, then I'm sure you two
will be very fucking
happy together!
You know what?
Fuck you!
- Oh baby, ah, baby.
Let's not make any rash
decisions right now. Okay?
Let's just focus on getting
outta here alive, right?
Someday maybe we get married.
Have three or four kids someday,
leaning towards four.
Someday, baby.
Oh yeah.
- You look like shit right now.
- What kinda shit.
- I just, I think maybe I
shoulda put a bandaid on my-
I'm shot.
- Perfect.
(sweeping music)
Let me in! I'm going
to freeze out here!
- I told you. No witnesses.
- These are great, by the way.
Turned out to be
a hell of a party.
(glass breaking)
How the fuck you
get back in here?
(dramatic music)
(gun firing)
- Please, please please please!
I'm not gonna tell anybody.
Please don't hurt me.
I'm so sorry. I'm not
gonna tell anybody.
- Sorry.
(shotgun fires)
- Helen?
Oh, I feel awful.
Here. Take some of these.
- Good, one for me.
Thank you, Dr. George.
I thought you were sober.
- Good point.
I told myself I
wouldn't drink tonight.
Yeah, if you'd done that,
everyone would still be alive.
Yeah. Except that Henry
would've found us all anyway.
He was a good fuck
and a nice guy,
but he was also-
- Kind of a psychopath?
- [Helen] Yeah.
- Yeah.
- I should not have told
him about my rich sister.
Adam told me you two
were sleeping together.
To be fair, I never sleep
with your good boyfriends.
Only the ones you
should break up with.
Anyways, Adam tried
to hook up with me
and I wasn't having it.
And I saw that cocktail
and I figured, fuck it.
- You're gonna feel
that in the morning.
How'd you like
Cameron, by the way?
Oh, I thought he was nice.
And I thought, you know, he
had like really meaty thighs.
- I was hoping you
two would hit it off.
I'm not sure you
should be dating Adam.
- We broke up.
- Really?
That's great!
- Thank you. I left
him outside to die.
- Whatever works.
Oh, when the saints
go marchin' in
Oh, when the saints
go marchin' in
I want to be in
that number, baby
When the saints
go marchin' in
And when the sun
begins to shine
And when the sun
begins to shine
I want to be in
that number, baby
When the saints
go marchin' in
- [Helen] Hey! Addie,
come on. Let's go.
- Okay, coming.
All right.
(car engine roars)
- [Leila] As corny as it
sounds, I, I have to say,
I credit my survival to the
power of positive thinking.
We have to be the alchemist
and turn our pain into gold.
- [Radio DJ] So if
you're just tuning in,
we have author Leila
Peruno in the studio today,
and she's telling us about the-
- She's back on her feet.
- [Radio DJ] ...New book.
- Think she's gonna
hang out with us in LA?
- We could always just
show up at her house.
Can you believe it? She's
still not talking to me.
Says I ruined another party.
- That's not fair.
- I know. I thought
the party went well.
- Okay. Don't joke.
No, I mean it.
Think of how boring Leila's
parties usually are.
- Come on. A lot of people died.
My boyfriend included.
- Your shitty boyfriend.
- Yeah. Okay.
But I, I almost got murdered.
- I almost got murdered.
- Are you kidding me?
I haven't been able to sleep
through the night since.
You suck. You know what?
When I thought you were
dead, I was relieved,
if anything.
- What?
- Yeah, I wasn't even sad.
- [Helen] No way.
You were devastated.
- [Addie] No, I was like,
oh my god, murderer,
how'd you know to pick
this person to murder?
You did a great job.
- [Helen] You would've sobbed
and read wet, embarrassing
poetry at my funeral.
And you know it.
- [Addie] You are so mad.
And that's what happens, see?
Like words have consequences.
(dramatic, eerie music)