Hello Sister, Goodbye Life (2006) Movie Script
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL LIFE
TO BE LIVING
SO BEAUTIFUL
OH, YEAH
I CAN'T HELP
THE WAY I'M FEELING
I DON'T WANT TO STOP
WHAT HAPPENS TO ME...
QUICK, CAFFEINE.
RIGHT DOWN HERE.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
I WENT OUT LAST NIGH AND DIDN'T CRACK A BOOK.
HEY, WHAT DO YOU
THINK IS WORSE,
FAILING MACRO-ECONOMICS OR
FAILING COMPARATIVE LITERATURE?
MM. STAYING HOME ALONE
ON A FRIDAY NIGHT.
YOU GOT A POINT.
SEE YA.
SO DO YOU HAVE NOTES
FOR CHAPTER 6?
BECAUSE YOU'RE MINE
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL LIFE
TO BE LIVING
TO BE LIVING
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DREAM
TO BE LEAVING
TO BE LEAVING
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL LIFE
TO BE LIVING
TO BE LIVING
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DREAM
TO BE LEAVING
TO BE LEAVING
IF YOU WERE THE ONE...
IN THE KNIGHT'S TALE,
CHAUCER PRESENTS
THESEUS
AS A FIGURE WHO UNDERSTANDS
MAN'S PROPER LIFE
IN SUBMISSION TO THE PERFEC HARMONY OF THE UNIVERSE.
SO WHAT'S HE SAYING?
ANYONE?
IF EVERYBODY THINKS
MY SENSES HAVE RUN WILD
LOVE'S A MIRACLE
AND ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
I FEEL IT HAPPEN
EVERY TIME YOU SMILE
OH, YEAH
'CAUSE YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL
YOU WANTED TO SEE ME?
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU
STUDENTS ARE ALL BRAIN DEAD
OR IF MY TEACHING
TECHNIQUE STINKS.
WELL, IF YOU'RE ASKING
MY OPINION,
I'D SAY ALL THE BLAME
FALLS ON YOU.
AN 84?
COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.
YOU SCORED HIGHER THAN MOST.
YEAH, BUT MOS WEREN'T SLEEPING WITH YOU.
MOST WEREN'T SLEEPING
WITH YOU, WERE THEY?
WAIT. THAT'S WHAT YOU CALLED
ME DOWN HERE TO TELL ME.
FIRST OFF, I DIDN' GRADE YOUR PAPER.
THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN
UNETHICAL.
MEANING I'VE WASTED
MY TIME ON YOU
WHEN I COULD HAVE BEEN DATING
SOMEONE I REALLY LIKED?
ABSOLUTELY.
AND SECOND?
I GOT WORD THIS MORNING
THAT MY DISSERTATION PROPOSAL
WAS FINALLY ACCEPTED.
CONGRATULATIONS.
AND I'M LEAVING
FOR ITALY
END OF THE SEMESTER.
YOU'RE MOVING TO EUROPE?
6 WEEKS FROM TODAY,
I WILL BE BURIED
IN A FLORENCE LIBRARY
RESEARCHING
RENAISSANCE POETS.
WOW. THAT'S...THAT'S...
6 WEEKS?
YOU'RE HAPPY FOR ME,
RIGHT?
OH, ABSOLUTELY.
OF COURSE.
I MEAN, BECAUSE,
YOU KNOW,
WE ALWAYS TALKED ABOUT KEEPING
THINGS LIGHT BETWEEN US. REMEMBER?
GRAVITY FREE.
SO YOU THINK YOU'LL
BE ABLE TO STAND ME
WHEN YOU HAVE
TO CALL ME DOCTOR?
I CAN BARELY STAND YOU NOW.
WE NEED TO CELEBRATE.
LET'S GO SOMEWHERE GREA FOR DINNER TONIGHT.
NO, I CAN'T TONIGHT.
DON'T TELL ME YOU'VE
ALREADY FOUND ANOTHER MAN.
NO.
I FOUND ANOTHER WOMAN.
AND THEN I TOLD HIM
I WAS 36.
BUT YOU'RE 46.
SO I'M 36 PLUS 10.
HE'S A MINISTER,
BARBARA.
WHO WAS SINGLE
AND MOST LIKELY
ONLY INTERESTED
IN DATING YOUNGER WOMEN.
AND IT DOESN' BOTHER YOU
THAT YOU LIED
TO A MAN OF GOD?
IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER,
I WILL GO
TO CONFESSION TOMORROW
AND BE FORGIVEN
FOR MY SINS.
YOU CAN'T GO TO CONFESSION
BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT CATHOLIC,
AND LYING ABOUT YOUR AGE
PROBABLY WOULDN'T CRACK
THE TOP 10 STUNTS
YOU'VE PULLED
THIS WEEK ALONE.
WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT?
SEDUCING A PRIEST WOULDN' CRACK THE TOP 10.
YOU WEREN'T USING THIS,
WERE YOU?
ME? OH, NO.
I'M ONLY DRIVING.
[COUGHING]
SO, ABOUT TONIGHT.
I WILL BE ON
MY VERY BEST BEHAVIOR,
CROSS MY HEART,
HOPE TO DIE.
WELL, IT'S NOT EVERY DAY THA YOUR FATHER INVITES US OVER.
YEAH, EX-WIVES
AND EX-DAUGHTERS
DON'T MAKE
MANY GUEST LISTS.
THERE'S NO SUCH THING
AS AN EX-DAUGHTER.
MY GUESS IS HE JUST WANTS
TO SHOW OFF THE NEW HOUSE.
OR MAYBE HE CALLED US
BECAUSE HE FINALLY
CAME TO HIS SENSES
AND DUMPED ALICIA.
YOU THINK?
YOU KNOW, YOU COULD BE
MORE SUPPORTIVE.
AFTER ALL, I DID
CARRY YOU FOR 9 MONTHS.
AND BLAMED ME FOR THE WEIGH GAIN EVERY DAY SINCE.
NOT EVERY DAY.
AW, YOU'RE SO
CONSIDERATE.
IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE
RICHARD EVER LEFT YOU.
WELL, I WOULDN'T TAKE HIM BACK
IF HE BEGGED ME.
DON'T WORRY.
HE AIN'T BEGGING YOU.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
WELCOME.
MAY I TAKE
YOUR COATS?
OH, THAT'D BE GREAT.
RIGHT THIS WAY.
THANK YOU.
IT'S COZY, ISN'T IT?
IS IT HOT IN HERE?
YOU NEED TO JUST ADMI YOU'RE GOING THROUGH MENOPAUSE.
WHERE DO YOU THINK A GIRL CAN
GET A DRINK IN THIS JOINT?
DID I HEAR SOMEONE
WAS IN NEED OF REFRESHMENT?
AW. HI.
DENNIS, I'D LIKE YOU
TO MEET BARBARA AND OLIVIA.
IT'S A PLEASURE.
OH, OURS, TOO.
HEARD A LO ABOUT BOTH OF YOU.
LET ME GUESS.
YOU'RE A LAWYER.
IT'S THE SUIT.
SALESMAN SWORE
IT DIDN'T REEK OF ATTORNEY.
SORRY. IT WAS THE SHOES
THAT WERE THE DEAD GIVEAWAY.
DAMN. AND I THOUGHT I'D FINALLY
CONCOCTED THE PERFECT DISGUISE.
DON'T LET OLIVIA
FOOL YOU, DENNIS.
BENEATH THE BITING WIT IS A
VERY CHARMING YOUNG WOMAN.
WAY BENEATH.
BARBARA! OLIVIA!
IT'S WONDERFUL TO SEE YOU
AFTER SO LONG.
ALICIA.
WELL, THIS PLACE
REALLY IS...AMAZING.
DID RICHARD GIVE YOU THE TOUR
OR DID HE KEEP YOU
WAITING IN THE FOYER?
OH, WELL, WE WANTED
TO CHECK IN FIRST,
BUT WE WERE HOPING
MAYBE YOU COULD SHOW US
THE WAY
TO THE FRONT DESK.
OK, I'LL ADMI IT'S NO COTTAGE,
BUT WE CALL IT HOME.
WATCH OUT!
CELIA!
AAH!
CELIA!
CELIA, I'VE TOLD YOU
100 TIMES
NOT TO DO I IN THE HOUSE.
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
YOU MUST BE MORE CAREFUL.
I AM SO SORRY.
YEAH, YEAH.
LISTEN, COULD I, UM--
I'M SURE THERE'S SOMETHING
IN MY MOTHER'S CLOSET--
YOUR MOTHER?
SHE LEAVES CLOTHES HERE
SO SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO CAR THEM
BACK AND FORTH FROM ARGENTINA.
HMM. WELL, ISN'T THA LUCKY FOR ME?
IT SURE IS.
COME WITH ME.
OF COURSE,
WHAT WE DIDN'T REALIZE
IS THAT CELIA WOULD APPEAR
AT THE END OF THE PROGRAM,
SO AFTER
4 VIOLIN PLAYERS,
2 TAP DANCERS,
AND A CLARINET SOLO,
WE FINALLY GET TO HEAR
MY JUNIOR POP STAR
SING FOR ONCE
IN MY LIFE.
AND GRANTED, WE'RE PARTIAL,
BUT CELIA WAS THE HI OF THE TALENT SHOW.
MAYBE WE CAN COAX HER INTO
A PERFORMANCE AFTER DINNER.
EVERYTHING'S NEGOTIABLE,
UNCLE DENNIS.
[EVERYONE CHUCKLES]
OLIVIA, YOU'VE BARELY TOUCHED
YOUR OSSO BUCO.
THAT'S BECAUSE
I'M A VEGETARIAN.
I AM SO SORRY.
NO ONE TOLD ME.
SHE'S JOKING. OLIVIA,
TELL THEM YOU'RE JOKING.
OF COURSE I'M JOKING.
WRONG ONE.
EXCUSE ME?
BIG FORK, MAIN COURSE.
MEDIUM SIZED, SALAD.
LITTLE FORK, DESSERT.
EVERYONE KNOWS THAT.
WELL...
WHAT DO YOU CALL THE ONE
I STICK BETWEEN MY EYES?
I DON'T GET IT.
OH, I WAS JUS BEING SARCASTIC.
IT MEANS
YOU SAY SOMETHING
BUT YOU MEAN
THE OPPOSITE.
DUH!
WORD IS YOU ARE
ON YOUR WAY TO LAW SCHOOL.
THAT'D BE THE EARLY WORD.
REALLY? SO YOU HAVEN' NARROWED DOWN YOUR CHOICES?
BARBARA,
HAVE I MENTIONED
THAT I JUST LOVE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING?
IT'S GREAT.
WELL,
IF YOU AREN'T TOO CAUGHT UP WITH SCHOOL,
WE WERE HOPING YOU'D JOIN US
NEXT WEEKEND AT THE BEACH HOUSE.
IF YOU CAME, I'D HAVE
SOMEONE TO PLAY WITH.
OH, WELL, WHEN YOU
PUT IT THAT WAY, UM...
I'LL HAVE TO THINK
ABOUT IT.
[PIANO PLAYS]
FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE
I HAVE SOMEONE WHO NEEDS ME
SOMEONE I'VE NEEDED SO LONG
FOR ONCE UNAFRAID,
I CAN GO WHERE LIFE LEADS ME
SOMEHOW I KNOW
I'LL BE STRONG
I'M STUCK BETWEEN HELL AND
WHATEVER MIGHT BE WORSE.
I JUST CAN'T GET OUT OF HERE, JOE.
I'M SORRY.
LISTEN, I GOTTA GO.
I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.
YOUR MOTHER TOLD ME ABOUT THE
DASHING TEACHING ASSISTANT.
YEAH. HE HELPS ME
WITH MY HOMEWORK,
SO IT SAVES YOU FROM
HAVING TO PAY FOR A TUTOR.
WANT TO TURN OFF
THE SARCASM MACHINE
FOR JUST A SECOND, OLIVIA?
THE CLINICAL TERM
IS LONG STANDING ANCHOR.
YOU KNOW,
THINGS CHANGE, OLIVIA.
PEOPLE CHANGE.
IF YOU DON'T MIND,
I WANT TO CATCH THE END
OF YOUR DAUGHTER'S RECITAL.
OLIVIA.
IS THIS REALLY
ABOUT A BOYFRIEND?
I WANTED TO DISCUSS
WHAT APPEARS TO BE YOUR
INDIFFERENCE TO LAW SCHOOL.
YOU KNOW,
LAST TIME I CHECKED,
MY FUTURE
WAS STILL MY DECISION.
AND NOT GIVING ANY THOUGH TO LONG TERM GOALS,
THAT IS THE AC OF AN OVER-IMPULSIVE PERSON.
WHAT, LIKE MY MOTHER?
I ALWAYS BELIEVED
YOU HAD LOFTIER AMBITIONS
THAN POSING FOR THE COVER OF THE
SPORTS ILLUSTRATED BATHING SUIT ISSUE.
WELL, JUST SO YOU KNOW,
I DID GIVE LAW SCHOOL
A GREAT DEAL OF THOUGHT.
AND WHAT SWAYED YOU
AGAINST IT?
I HATE WHAT BECOMING AN
ATTORNEY DOES TO PEOPLE.
OLIVIA...
MAYBE WE COULD
DISCUSS THE FUTURE
UNDER DIFFEREN CIRCUMSTANCES, HMM?
ALICIA'S INVITATION TO JOIN OUR
FAMILY NEXT WEEKEND STILL STANDS.
OUR FAMILY. WOW.
I'M SORRY. THAT WAS
A BAD CHOICE OF WORDS.
NO, YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU
WANT ME TO COME ALONG
SO I CAN PLAY CANDYLAND
WITH CELIA
WHILE YOU AND ALICIA
PARTY ON. NO, THANKS.
THAT WASN'T MY REASON AT ALL.
I'M BUSY, RICHARD.
I'VE ALREADY MADE PLANS.
MAYBE ANOTHER TIME
SOON, THEN, HMM?
YEAH.
YEAH, SOME OTHER TIME SOON.
HELP ME SWING.
SURE.
WHY SHOULDN'T WE BOTH
GET PUSHED AROUND?
SO HOW ARE WE
RELATED AGAIN?
WE'RE SISTERS.
HALF-SISTERS, IF YOU
WANT TO GET TECHNICAL.
TOP OR BOTTOM HALF?
IT'S A LITTLE MORE
COMPLICATED THAN THAT.
JENNY AND CHER FRANCONI
ARE SISTERS,
BUT THEY LIVE TOGETHER.
WELL, WELCOME TO
THE 21st CENTURY FAMILY.
HIGHER!
AND PLEASE,
FOR YOUR OWN SAKE,
NO LATE PAPERS.
AND WE'RE CHOOSING
AMONG THE MILLER'S TALE,
THE MONK'S TALE,
AND THE COOK'S TALE.
AHEM.
JUST SOMETHING
TO BE SAID
I GOT 20.
HERE WE GO.
CALLING OUT THE FEELING
BUT I NEED
SOMETHING MORE
THAT'S OK.
WE'LL PLAY AGAIN.
SOMETHING MORE
IT'S OVER 200 YEARS OLD,
AND IT SITS IN THE MIDDLE
OF A VINEYARD.
ALL THAT'S MISSING IS
ELECTRICITY AND RUNNING WATER.
IT'S 15 MINUTES
OUTSIDE OF FLORENCE.
THE PROFESSOR WHO LIVES THERE
IS GOING ON A BOOK TOUR,
SO HE'S LETTING ME STAY THERE FOR,
LIKE, NEXT TO NOTHING.
WELL, IT SOUNDS LIKE
EVERYTHING IS...PERFECT.
YOU DON'T SOUND SO CONVINCED.
I KNOW WHAT'S COMING.
THE "WE SHOULD DATE OTHER
PEOPLE WHILE I'M AWAY" SPEECH.
OVER AND DONE.
WELL, IF TOTAL HONESTY
IS WHAT YOU WANT,
WHY DON'T WE LAY
ALL OUR CARDS ON THE TABLE?
DATE WHOEVER YOU WANT.
I DON'T CARE.
I WANT YOU TO COME WITH ME.
WHAT?
I WANT YOU TO COME WITH ME.
[LAUGHS]
THAT'S NOT EXACTLY
THE RESPONSE I WAS LOOKING FOR.
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
NO, I'M MESSING WITH YOU.
ITALY?
YOU'VE HEARD OF IT, RIGHT?
BUT-- BUT--
I KNOW. I HEARD THE WHOLE
"I'M GONNA GET DUMPED" PART.
DON'T EVER GO
INTO MIND READING.
WHAT HAPPENED TO KEEPING
OUR RELATIONSHIP LIGHT?
YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE RIGHT.
FORGET I ASKED.
NO--
NO, NO, NO.
IT WAS A STUPID IDEA.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
HEY, BETSY.
STOP. THAT'S NOT--
YOU WANNA GO ON
THE ADVENTURE OF A LIFETIME?
OH!
YOU KNEW I'D SAY YES.
I READ MINDS
BETTER THAN YOU DO.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
IT'S MY MOTHER.
NOT COMING WITH US.
BARBARA, YOU CAN'T COME TO ITALY.
IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?
[LAUGHS]
WAIT A SECOND, BARBARA.
CALM DOWN.
WAIT. SLOW DOWN.
I CAN'T--
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WHAT?
RICHARD ALWAYS DROVE
SO FAST.
THEY WERE ON THEIR WAY
TO THE BEACH HOUSE.
RICHARD...
ALICIA...
NOW HE'S GONE, LIVVY.
THEY'RE GONE.
WHAT ABOUT CELIA?
I ASSUMED
SHE WAS WITH THEM.
ALL RIGHT, WHO CALLED YOU?
WHO DID YOU TALK TO?
THAT LAWYER
WE MET AT RICHARD'S. UM...
DENTON. CLONE.
DENNIS KLINE?
WHATEVER. I THINK HE WAS
CHECKING ME OUT AT DINNER.
MAYBE YOU
SHOULD CALL HIM.
DID HE LEAVE A NUMBER?
Dennis: HELLO.
IT'S OLIVIA MARTIN.
LISTEN, I'M SORRY TO CALL SO LATE.
NO, NO.
IT'S NOT A PROBLEM.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
I'M FINE.
BARBARA JUST DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO CELIA.
IF...SHE...
YOUR SISTER'S OK.
SHE HAD A SLEEPOVER
PARTY THIS WEEKEND
AND DIDN'T WAN TO MISS IT.
SO SHE'S THERE NOW?
SHE'S GONE HOME.
THE HOUSEKEEPER'S
GOING TO STAY
UNTIL ALICIA'S PARENTS ARRIVE FROM
BUENOS AIRES SOMETIME LATE TOMORROW.
OK, GREAT. THEN
SHE'S TAKEN CARE OF.
WHY DON'T YOU
GIVE HER A CALL?
WHAT WOULD I SAY?
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU COULD START WITH
EVERYTHING'S GOING
TO BE OK.
LIKE THAT'S GOING TO HELP.
THINGS CHANGED FOR US ALL TONIGHT,
OLIVIA.
SHE BARELY KNOWS ME.
I SUGGES HANG IN THERE, OK?
AND, UM, NOT THA IT CHANGES ANYTHING,
BUT I'M VERY SORRY
FOR YOUR LOSS.
YOUR DAD SURE HAD
A LOT OF FRIENDS.
CLIENTS.
HMM?
OK, EITHER SLOW DOWN
ON THE WINE
OR JUST SPEED UP AND
FALL DOWN ALREADY.
I'M A WIDOW.
YOU COULD SHOW A LITTLE RESPECT.
PLEASE TELL ME YOU HAVEN' MENTIONED THE WIDOW THING
TO ANYBODY BUT ME,
'CAUSE I BE BEING AN EX-WIFE
OF 18 YEARS
DOESN'T EXACTLY QUALIFY YOU
UNDER WEBSTER'S DEFINITION.
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR YOU TO BE
ON MY SIDE JUST THIS ONCE?
MM, IT'S POSSIBLE.
NOT PROBABLE,
BUT POSSIBLE.
ANYBODY CARE FOR A REFILL?
DON'T COME BACK
WITHOUT THE BOTTLE, HMM?
HAVE YOU TALKED TO
ALICIA'S PARENTS YET?
JUST A BIT,
BUT BETWEEN THE SHOCK AND
THE LONG PLANE FLIGHT,
THEY ACT LIKE THEY'RE
HAVING A REALLY TOUGH TIME.
WELL, EVERYONE HERE IS,
LIVVY.
YA THINK?
EVERYONE BUT YOU.
I'M DEALING WITH THIS
IN MY OWN WAY.
WHAT, BY SHOWING
NO EMOTION AT ALL?
I HATE TO BREAK I TO YOU, SWEETIE,
BUT YOU'RE A LOT MORE
LIKE YOUR FATHER
THAN YOU'D EVER CARE
TO ADMIT.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
ONE SECOND.
MY MOM AND DAD DIED.
I KNOW,
AND I'M REALLY, REALLY SORRY.
I HAVE TO GO
TO THE BATHROOM.
OH, RIGHT.
IT'S ALL YOURS.
OLIVIA.
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
I'M FINE.
NO ONE WOULD THINK ANY LESS
OF YOU IF YOU WEREN'T.
ONE OF THE MORE UNATTRACTIVE
GENETIC TRAITS RICHARD PASSED ON
WAS THE ABILITY TO MOVE
FORWARD LIKE A SHARK
REGARDLESS OF THE SITUATION.
THEN I DON'T REALLY THINK
YOU KNEW YOUR FATHER.
HIS FAULT, NOT MINE.
LET'S TAKE A WALK, OK?
YOU WANT MY THOUGHTS ON
YOUR NEWEST PAIR OF SHOES?
NO, I COULDN'T TAKE
YOUR BRUTAL HONESTY.
AS EXECUTOR
OF YOUR FATHER'S ESTATE,
I THOUGHT WE SHOULD TALK.
LISTEN, IF EVERYTHING'S
IN CELIA'S NAME,
I'M FINE WITH THAT.
RICHARD DIDN'T OWE ME
ANYTHING.
YOU FATHER WANTED THE TWO TO YOU
TO SHARE IN EVERYTHING EQUALLY,
AND A TRUS WITH SUBSTANTIAL ASSETS
WAS ESTABLISHED
TO ENSURE THAT HAPPENED.
ARE WE TALKING ABOU THE SAME RICHARD MARTIN?
WELL, THERE'S MORE.
OH, WAIT.
LET ME GUESS.
IF I DON'T GO
TO LAW SCHOOL,
I THROW THE
ENTIRE BOOTY AWAY.
MAYBE WE SHOULD
HAVE A SEAT.
THERE IS ANOTHER MATTER
WE NEED TO DISCUSS.
YOUR FATHER AND ALICIA,
IN THEIR WILL,
THEY NAMED YOU
CELIA'S GUARDIAN.
[LAUGHS]
THAT'S A GOOD ONE.
I DON'T EXPECT LAWYERS TO HAVE SOME
WACKED OUT SENSE OF HUMOR, BUT--
NO, OLIVIA.
I'M TOTALLY SERIOUS.
THEY BOTH BELIEVED CELIA WOULD
BE BETTER OFF LEFT IN YOUR CARE.
OH, NO.
NO?
WHAT I MEAN IS
I BARELY KNOW THE GIRL.
BUT CELIA'S YOUR SISTER.
HALF SISTER, AND I SEE HER
MAYBE ONCE A YEAR.
I CAN'T TAKE CARE OF A KID.
I HAVE NEVER KEPT A FISH
ALIVE FOR MORE THAN A WEEK.
OLIVIA, NO ONE IS EXPECTING
YOU TO HANDLE THIS ALONE.
WELL, THE ANSWER IS STILL NO.
WILL YOU THINK ABOUT IT?
I CAN'T. IT'S INSANE.
WELL, SHE'S RIGHT.
I MEAN, OLIVIA
IS MUCH TOO YOUNG
TO TAKE ON THAT KIND
OF RESPONSIBILITY.
COUNSELOR, YOU'VE ME MY MEDDLESOME MOTHER,
WHO NEVER MINDS
HER OWN BUSINESS,
BUT FOR ONCE
MAKES AN EXCELLENT POINT.
YOU'RE 21. YOU'RE YOUNG,
BUT OLD ENOUGH--
SHE CAN BARELY
TAKE CARE OF HERSELF.
AND WHAT ABOU CELIA'S GRANDPARENTS?
I MEAN, I'M SURE THEY WOULD
LOVE TO RAISE A LITTLE GIRL.
THEY LIVE IN
ARGENTINA, AND YES,
THEY WOULD BE HAPPY
TO TAKE HER IF ASKED,
BUT IT WASN'T WHA YOUR FATHER STIPULATED.
BUT WHY WOULD RICHARD AND ALICIA
HAVE DONE THIS WITHOUT ASKING FIRST?
FROM WHAT RICHARD
TOLD ME,
THAT'S WHAT THE WEEKEND AT THE
BEACH WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT.
WELL, THAT DIDN'T WORK OUT THE WAY
HE HAD IT PLANNED, NOW DID IT?
I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T MEAN THA THE WAY IT CAME OUT.
THAT'S OK.
THIS IS A LOT TO TAKE IN
AT ONCE.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
YOU'RE THE ONE SHE
CALLS UNCLE DENNIS.
YES, BUT YOU'RE BLOOD,
AND THE BOTTOM LINE, OLIVIA,
IS YOUR FATHER CHOSE YOU.
YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY THINKING
YOU COULD HANDLE THIS.
WELL, WHAT WOULD
YOU DO, JOE?
I MEAN, THE ONLY OTHER FAMILY
SHE HAS ARE HER GRANDPARENTS.
I'D LET HER GO.
THEY'RE OLD.
THEY LIVE HALF WAY AROUND THE WORLD.
AND RICHARD'S LAWYER AND THE
GUILT TRIP HE LAID ON ME.
SO TELL HIM THA YOU'RE FLATTERED, BUT NO.
I WANTED TO,
BUT I COULD JUST FEEL RICHARD
STARING DOWN AT ME
FROM WHEREVER HE IS
SCREAMING THA IF I DON'T DO THIS,
I'LL ROT IN HELL.
PEOPLE DON'T ROT THERE.
THEY BURN.
YOU'RE A BIG HELP.
THANKS.
SO WHERE DOES THIS
LEAVE ITALY?
OH, MY GOD.
I'M SO SORRY.
IT ALL CAME TO ME
SO FAST I DIDN'T EVEN--
HEY, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
WE'LL JUST LET THINGS PLAY
OUT OVER THE NEXT FEW WEEKS
AND SEE HOW THINGS GO, OK?
MS. MARTIN?
YES?
MR. KLINE IS READY
TO SEE YOU.
I'M SO SORRY
FOR YOUR LOSS.
THANK YOU.
YOUR FATHER
WAS A WONDERFUL MAN.
IN ADDITION TO BEING
THE EXECUTOR
OF RICHARD
AND ALICIA'S ESTATE,
I'M ALSO THE FIDUCIARY OF A TRUS ESTABLISHED FOR YOUR BENEFIT.
WHICH MEANS YOU DANGLE
ALL THE PURSE STRINGS.
WELL, UNTIL YOU TURN 25,
AND THE RESPONSIBILITY
IS HANDED OVER TO YOU.
SO FOR 4 YEARS, CELIA AND I
LIVE ON BREAD AND WATER?
WELL, I'VE ESTABLISHED
A CHECKING ACCOUN AND AN ALLOWANCE TO GIVE
YOU A SENSE OF FREEDOM.
IF YOU NEED TO PURCHASE
SOMETHING MORE SUBSTANTIAL,
WE'LL DISCUSS IT.
WHAT, LIKE A BRAND NEW PORSCHE?
YOU MAKE
A CONVINCING ARGUMENT,
AND I PROMISE TO GIVE I THE ATTENTION IT DESERVES.
OH, NOW HERE ARE
A SET OF KEYS
TO YOUR FATHER'S HOUSE.
NOW I'D LIKE TO GO OVER
A LIST OF ALL THE ASSETS
IN THE TRUST.
DO WE HAVE TO DO THIS
RIGHT NOW?
NO, NOT IF
YOU DON'T WANT TO.
IT'S JUST THA IT'S GETTING LATE
AND I STILL HAVE SO MUCH TO
DO TO GET READY TO MOVE IN.
FINE. WHEN YOU'RE READY,
CALL ME.
WE'VE GOT LOTS OF TIME,
AND I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
THANK YOU.
YOU KNOW, I GREW UP
WITH 3 BROTHERS
AND ALWAYS WANTED
A SISTER.
YOU LENT ME THIS
SOPHOMORE YEAR.
OH, DON'T WORRY
ABOUT IT.
I BORROWED A PAIR OF
YOUR JEANS FRESHMAN YEAR
AND NEVER
GAVE THEM BACK.
I LEFT YOU
THE PHONE NUMBER, RIGHT?
YOU'RE ONLY MOVING
6 MILES.
IT'S NOT LIKE
IT'S ANOTHER UNIVERSE.
NO, IT ONLY FEELS THAT WAY.
[TURNS OFF ENGINE]
[STARTS ENGINE AGAIN]
[SIGHS]
I THOUGHT YOU MIGH BE MORE COMFORTABLE HERE
THAN IN
THE MASTER BEDROOM.
THANK YOU.
IF YOU NEED ANYTHING,
I LEFT MY PHONE NUMBER
ON THE REFRIGERATOR.
OH, YOU MEAN LIKE
YOUR CELL PHONE NUMBER?
THAT WAY IF YOU
GO OUT FOR A SECOND,
I CAN FIND YOU?
NO, I LEFT MY HOME NUMBER.
YOU DON'T LIVE HERE?
DID UNCLE DENNIS EXPLAIN
EVERYTHING TO YOU?
NO. I GUESS HE
DIDN'T GET A CHANCE
TO CROSS ALL THE Ts.
I CLEAN THE HOUSE AND CARE
FOR CELIA DURING THE DAY,
BUT I LEAVE
EVERY DAY AT 6:00
IN ORDER TO CATCH THE BUS.
WELL, WHAT IF
I GOT YOU A CAR?
I DON'T DRIVE.
I'LL PAY FOR LESSONS.
I APPRECIATE THAT,
BUT NO, THANK YOU.
COULD YOU ADD AN EXTRA
HOUR OR TWO TO THE DAY?
I HAVE A FAMILY
OF MY OWN.
DIDN'T MR. KLINE TELL YOU
I NEEDED A FEW DAYS OFF
TO BE WITH THEM?
DAYS?
I HAVEN'T SEEN THEM SINCE...
OH, RIGHT.
OF COURSE. I UNDERSTAND.
IT'S JUST THAT, I MEAN,
THIS IS A REALLY BIG PLACE.
MAYBE YOU'D ALL
LIKE TO MOVE.
MI CASA, SU CASA?
MY CHILDREN GO TO
A DIFFERENT SCHOOL.
I HAVE A LIFE
APART FROM HERE.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO!
I'LL BE GOOD! I PROMISE!
OH, CELIA.
I WANT YOU TO LISTEN
TO YOUR SISTER, OK?
SHE LOVES YOU
VERY MUCH.
NOW YOU
TAKE A DEEP BREATH--
AND HOLD I TILL I PASS OUT?
YOU'LL BOTH BE FINE.
[CLOCK CHIMES]
SO IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S JUST YOU
AND ME LIVING HERE TOGETHER.
UNCLE DENNIS DIDN' GIVE ME ANY CHOICE.
ME NEITHER.
SO WHAT DO YOU NORMALLY DO
AROUND DINNER TIME?
WE EAT.
OH, EXCELLENT.
YOU EAT.
THAT'S BRILLIANT.
HA HA HA. YOU EAT.
WELL, I'M NOT REALLY
MUCH OF A COOK,
BUT I'M SURE THERE'S
SOMETHING THAT'LL WORK.
MY MOM WAS
A REALLY GOOD COOK.
I BET SHE WAS.
BOY, THIS ALL LOOKS
SO...UNPREPARED.
THIS IS LIKE THE
ENTIRE COW, ISN'T IT?
DID YOU GUYS
EVER EAT ANYTHING
THAT YOU JUST POPPED
INTO THE MICROWAVE?
MY MOM THOUGH IT WAS BAD FOR YOU.
WELL, I BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW
THAT BAD, IN SLANG TERMS,
SOMETIMES MEANS GOOD
OR EVEN GREAT.
SURE, I DO,
BUT SHE MEANT THE REAL WAY.
WELL, THERE ARE SOME THINGS THA COME OUT OF A CARDBOARD BOX
THAT I THINK
YOU MIGHT REALLY ENJOY.
LIKE?
SO IS THIS WHAT WE'RE
GOING TO EAT EVERY NIGHT?
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
SOMETIMES I'LL MIX IN
BUTTERSCOTCH SYRUP
INSTEAD OF CHOCOLATE.
I CAN LIVE WITH THAT.
I FIGURED YOU COULD.
DID YOU PUT AWAY
YOUR CLOTHES?
YEP.
NEED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM?
ALREADY WENT.
DID YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH?
BEFORE I PUT ON
MY NIGHTGOWN.
WELL,
MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE TAKING CARE OF ME
INSTEAD OF IT BEING
THE OTHER WAY AROUND.
IS THAT YOU BEING
SARCASTIC AGAIN?
ACTUALLY,
THAT WAS IRONY.
THAT'S WHAT THEY MAKE CARS
OUT OF, RIGHT?
EXACTLY.
SO WHO'S THE RAT?
HIS NAME IS MR. TONTO,
AND HE'S A HAMSTER.
WELL, DOES HE DO
ANY TRICKS?
I WANT TO GO TO BED.
OK.
CAN YOU TURN OFF THE LIGHT?
OH, OK.
I CAN DO THIS.
I CAN DO THIS.
I CAN DO THIS.
Celia: DADDY!
DADDY!
WHAT HAPPENED?
I HAD A BAD DREAM.
OK. EVERYTHING'S OK.
I WAS LOST AND MY DADDY
COULDN'T FIND ME.
YOU'RE OK, OK?
YOU'RE FINE.
IT'S OVER NOW.
IT WASN'T REAL.
IT FELT REAL. CAN'T I
SLEEP WITH YOU TONIGHT?
NO, YOU'LL SLEEP BETTER
IN YOUR OWN BED.
YOU'LL BE FINE.
I PROMISE.
JUST GET SOME SLEEP, OK?
THERE'S NO WAY IN THE WORLD
I CAN POSSIBLY DO THIS.
UHH!
UNLESS THE HOUSE
IS ON FIRE, GO AWAY.
COME ON, WE'RE LATE.
SCHOOL STARTS AT 8:00.
MY CAR KEYS
ARE IN THE KITCHEN.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE
MY SCHOOL CLOTHES ARE.
[SIGHS]
CAN'T ROSAVEL HELP YOU?
SHE'S NOT WORKING
TODAY, REMEMBER?
OH, RIGHT. HER BEING HERE
WHEN SHE'S ACTUALLY NEEDED
WOULD ONLY MAKE SENSE.
SO WHAT SHOULD I
PUT ON?
UH...ANYTHING
NOT COVERED IN MUD.
ANYTHING?
YEAH, I TRUS YOUR FASHION SENSE.
AFTER ALL, WE ARE
GENETICALLY RELATED.
SO WHAT'S YOUR PLAN
AFTER SCHOOL TODAY?
I DON'T HAVE ANY EXTRA
CURRICULAR ACTIVITIES TODAY.
WELL, WE'LL
HAVE TO FIX THAT.
MY SCHEDULE'S ON
THE REFRIGERATOR.
"SCHOOL, ART,
SOCCER, PIANO,
COOKING."
WHAT, NO KARATE?
THAT WAS LAST YEAR.
HOW OLD ARE YOU?
I DIDN'T DO THIS MUCH
WHEN I WAS 7.
WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT?
I DON'T DO THIS MUCH NOW.
CAN WE GO NOW?
I DON'T LIKE TO BE LATE.
BUT I HAVEN'T EVEN MADE
MY COFFEE YET.
MY FATHER SAYS
COFFEE IS FOR WIMPS.
STOP!
WHAT'S WRONG?
YOU FORGOT MY LUNCH.
[DOOR AJAR BELL RINGS]
MR. TONTO.
SHOW AND TELL DAY.
ANYTHING ELSE?
I DON'T THINK SO.
NO GYM CLOTHES? NO HOMEWORK?
NO FOOD FOR THE RAT?
JUST MR. TONTO.
[SIGHS]
OK. OK. GO, GO, GO.
WOW. THIS IS
A FANCY PLACE.
DADDY DIDN'T SEND YOU HERE?
ARE YOU SURE
THIS IS THE RIGHT WAY?
OF COURSE IT IS.
DO YOU THINK I'M AN IDIOT?
WHAT GRADE ARE YOU IN AGAIN?
CELIA. HA HA HA!
WHAT A PLEASANT SURPRISE.
WE MISSED YOU.
I'M SORRY WE'RE LATE.
THE HAMSTER, HE LOS THE DIRECTIONS.
IT'S NOT A PROBLEM.
UH, THE KIDS.
THEY ALL SEEM TO HAVE ON THE
EXACT SAME THING, DON'T THEY?
BECAUSE IT'S A PRIVATE SCHOOL
AND THEY ALL WEAR A UNIFORM.
RIGHT.
THEY'RE NICE.
VERY NICE.
AND WOULD I ALSO
BE CORRECT CONCLUDING
YOU'RE NOT VERY FLEXIBLE
ON THAT 8 A.M. START TIME?
WELL, GENERALLY NO,
BUT I THINK FOR TODAY,
WE CAN MAKE AN EXCEPTION.
I'M CELIA'S TEACHER,
MR. CALHOUN.
THIS IS OLIVIA.
SHE'S MY HALF-SISTER.
IT'S HER FAUL WE'RE LATE.
WELL, IT'S A PLEASURE
MEETING YOU.
RIGHT. YOU, TOO.
WILL YOU PICKING CELIA UP
AFTER SCHOOL TODAY?
YEAH. 3:00 ON THE DOT.
2:00 ON THE DOT.
2:00 ON THE DOT.
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I MEANT.
UM...
OH. THERE.
THANKS.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
HELLO.
Celia: DON'T FORGET TO PICK ME UP.
WILL YOU?
OF COURSE NOT.
PROMISE?
HEY, I GOTTA GO.
THANKS.
FOUND DISRUPTION
IN COGNITION AND EMOTION.
THE ARRAY OF SYMPTOMS,
ALTHOUGH WIDE RANGING,
FREQUENTLY INCLUDES
HEARING INTENTIONAL VOICES.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
HELLO.
I GET OUT AT 2:00.
I SAID I'D BE THERE,
DIDN'T I?
OH. UH, IT'S
THE WRONG NUMBER. SORRY.
NO SINGLE SYMPTOM
IS DEFINITIVE.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
RATHER, THE DIAGNOSIS
ENCOMPASSES A PATTERN
OF SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS.
WE COULD JUST SIT BY
THE HOTEL POOL ALL DAY,
GRAB A BITE FOR DINNER,
AND THEN GO TO BED EARLY.
YEAH, RIGHT.
EARLY IN THE MORNING.
COME ON. THE GIRL'S
BEEN THROUGH A LOT.
I'M IN.
GREAT. YOUR
GOING OUT OF TOWN
JUST MAKES IT EASIER
FOR ME TO SAY GOOD-BYE
TO ALL MY OTHER GIRLFRIENDS.
IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL
ANY BETTER,
I WON'T LET HER DO ANYTHING
I WOULDN'T DO.
I'M NOT EVEN
GOING TO GO THERE.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
IT'S MINE.
JOE LOUDEN.
MY PHONE.
RELAX. YOU CAN USE MINE
WHEN I'M DONE.
NO, I LEFT I IN PSYCH CLASS.
WHAT TIME IS IT?
IT'S 3:15.
UGH! I GOTTA RUN!
WHAT'S UP?
I'LL CALL YOU LATER.
I'M SO SORRY I'M LATE.
THE TRAFFIC WAS JUS UNBELIEVABLE.
WE'RE ALL ADJUSTING
TO A NEW SITUATION.
I GUESS.
IF YOU DON'T MIND MY ASKING,
HOW ARE THINGS GOING?
HONESTLY?
I'M OVERWHELMED.
I'M LOS IN THIS HUGE HOUSE,
I HAVE NO CLUE HOW TO
TAKE CARE OF THIS KID,
AND MY BOYFRIEND IS LEAVING
THE COUNTRY WITHOUT ME.
I MEANT WITH CELIA.
OH.
OH, SHE'S HANGING
IN THERE.
I HOPE.
Man on radio: AND IT LOOKS LIKE
ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL COUPLE OF DAYS
FOR US IN THE REGION.
YOU NEVER GOT STUCK
IN TRAFFIC BEFORE?
LOWS IN THE UPPER SIXTIES,
AND THERE'S NO--
[TURNS OFF RADIO]
ALL RIGHT, HOW MANY MORE
TIMES DO I HAVE TO APOLOGIZE
BEFORE YOU FORGIVE ME?
COME ON. 100 MORE?
1,000 MORE?
A MILLION, BILLION,
GAZILLION MORE?
YOU MAY NOT KNOW THIS,
BUT THERE ARE
LOTS AND LOTS OF PEOPLE
WHO THINK I'M FUNNY.
AND I GUESS THERE ARE
SOME WHO DON'T.
[SNIFFING]
CAN'T ANYONE CLEAN UP
FOR THEMSELVES AROUND HERE?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
MY MOMMY AND I WERE MAKING THAT.
YOU CAN'T TOUCH IT!
OK. OK. I DIDN'T KNOW.
GET OUT!
I DIDN'T KNOW.
MOMMY'S THE ONLY PERSON
BESIDES ME ALLOWED TO TOUCH IT.
I'M SORRY.
GET OUT OF MY ROOM!
[SIGHS]
HEY, IT'S ME.
NO, NOTHING'S
THE MATTER.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS THINK
THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG?
OK, IF YOU WEREN' DOING ANYTHING,
IT WOULD BE OK IF YOU...
WANTED TO COME OVER
FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
I JUST THOUGHT IT WOULD BE
NICE TO HAVE SOME COMPANY.
OK.
[SIGHS]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
WHERE'S THE RUNT?
WATCHING TV.
MY BAGS
ARE IN THE TRUNK.
BAGS?
OK, LITTLE GIRL.
LOOKS LIKE I'LL BE SHACKING
UP HERE FOR A WHILE,
BUT I HAVE ONE GROUND
RULE BEFORE I UNPACK.
LIKE?
YOU CAN CALL ME "B"
OR BARBS OR BARBARA,
BUT NEVER GRANDMA.
YOU'RE NOT MY GRANDMA.
PERFECT.
WE'RE GOING TO DO
JUST FINE.
WOW.
IT'S LIKE THE TEMPLE OF VOGUE.
DID I GET AMNESIA?
BECAUSE I DON'T REMEMBER
ASKING YOU TO MOVE IN.
CAN YOU JUST DROP THE WHOLE
"I'VE GOT IT ALL UNDER CONTROL" ACT?
HOW'S CELIA DOING?
FINE.
JUST HAVE TO KNOW
HOW TO TALK TO A CHILD.
SO YOU BASICALLY
TALK TO HER
LIKE SHE WAS
ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS?
YOU'RE WELCOME.
I WAS GETTING THERE.
YEAH, I CAN TELL.
ALL RIGHT,
HOW'D YOU DO IT?
I JUST TOLD HER THA IF SHE BEHAVED HERSELF,
YOU'D GIVE HER HORSEBACK
RIDING LESSONS.
WELL, I'M THINKING THAT BRIBERY IS
NOT THE BEST WAY TO HANDLE HER.
ALL RIGHT, FINE.
YOU KNOW, MS. PSYCHOLOGY MINOR,
NEXT TIME,
YOU DEAL WITH IT, OK?
WHERE DO I GET A HORSE?
[LAUGHING]
HI!
YOU'RE ON TIME.
WHAT'S WRONG?
I WOULDN'T KNOW
WHERE TO START.
READY?
OH.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
[PARENTS SHOUTING
ENCOURAGEMENT]
THIS WILL NEVER WORK.
IT'S JUST A WRONG FIT.
AND THESE MOMS WAITING
FOR THEIR KIDS AT SCHOOL.
THEY LOOK LIKE THEY JUST STEPPED
OUT OF A SHAMPOO COMMERCIAL.
Celia: OW!
HOW WAS THE LAMBDA CHI PARTY?
PLEASE TELL ME IT SUCKED.
WELL, I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU
ON A GIRLS WEEKEND AWAY.
OH, CELIA? NO, NO, NO.
I'M SICING BARBARA ON KID DUTY.
EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.
YOUR DAUGHTER--
SHE'S DOWN.
I'M SORRY?
YOUR DAUGHTER,
SHE'S HURT.
OH, I DON'T HAVE
A DAUGHTER.
WELL, THE LITTLE GIRL
YOU BROUGHT TO THE GAME,
SHE COULD PROBABLY
USE YOUR HELP.
[CELIA CRYING]
[SIGHS]
HOW'S THE RUNT'S
SHOULDER?
IF ONLY BANDAGES COULD FIX EVERYTHING
THAT'S HURTING AROUND HERE.
I'D BE MORE WORRIED
ABOUT THAT GUY
THINKING YOU WERE
HER MOTHER.
WHY? I TAKE HER TO SCHOOL,
I DROP HER OFF AT PRACTICE.
MEN DON'T NOTICE
THINGS LIKE THAT.
MY GUESS IS HE WAS
CHECKING OUT YOUR ASS.
[GASP] DO I HAVE
A MOTHER'S ASS?
NO. NO, NO, NO.
MAYBE IT WOULDN'T HUR TO SHED A POUND OR TWO.
OH, YEAH. THAT'S
A BIG HELP, BARBARA. THANKS.
I TRY.
GOOD, BECAUSE I WAN TO ASK YOU FOR A FAVOR.
SURE. ANYTHING.
I NEED YOU TO BABYSI CELIA THIS WEEKEND.
BETSY AND I WERE PLANNING
TO GET OUT OF TOWN,
AND I REALLY NEED TO GO.
ANYTHING BUT THAT.
I'M HOOKING UP WITH MY PALS
AT THAT SPA IN TAOS
FOR A FEW DAYS.
BUT I THOUGHT YOU WERE
HERE TO HELP ME.
BUT I'VE ALREADY
BEEN HELPFUL.
BESIDES, IF I CANCEL
NOW, I LOSE MY DEPOSIT.
THAT'S IT. I AM A THE END OF MY ROPE.
YOU WANNA BET?
WHAT NOW?
HAMSTERS DON'T USUALLY
SLEEP ON THEIR BACKS
DURING THE DAY, DO THEY?
OH, NO.
OH, YES.
OK, "HAIR,
HAIR SUPPLIES, HALLS,
"HANDICAP,
HANDWRITING ANALYSIS,
HANDYMAN, HARDWARE-- " HAMSTERS.
THERE'S NO HAMSTERS.
TRY "P" FOR PETS.
HOW DO YOU SURVIVE?
IT'S PAST 6:00. NOTHING
IS GOING TO BE OPEN.
CELIA'S PARENTS DIED
TWO WEEKS AGO.
I CAN'T LET HER LOSE
A HAMSTER, TOO.
WELL, WHAT IF SHE ASKS
ABOUT THE RODENT?
JUST DO
WHAT YOU DO BEST:
MAKE SOMETHING UP.
HI. I'M LOOKING FOR A GRAY
HAMSTER WITH WHITE SPECKS,
AND A REALLY PINK NOSE.
NO, NO, NO. I DON' WANT A ROTTWEILER.
NO, NOT A GARDEN SNAKE,
EITHER.
[SIREN]
OH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.
NO, NO, NO.
I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU.
LOOK, I NEED A HAMSTER.
A FURRY LITTLE GRAY ONE,
PREFERABLY BREATHING.
[SIREN]
YOU DON'T SELL THEM?
WELL, YOU SHOULD. BYE!
YOU WENT THROUGH
A STOP SIGN.
MY SISTER'S HAMSTER DIED.
LICENSE AND
REGISTRATION, PLEASE.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
WHAT?
Barbara: ANY LUCK?
YES, BUT ALL BAD.
1122 PRICE STREET.
Olivia: WHAT?
I FOUND YOUR HAMSTER
IN A PET STORE.
OH, THAT'S TERRIFIC.
BUT IT'S GOING
TO COST YOU $200.
IS IT MADE OF GOLD?
I CAUGHT THE OWNER
AS HE WAS LEAVING.
HE SAID HE'D STAY OPEN,
BUT ONLY FOR A HAMSTER PREMIUM.
THAT'S BLACKMAIL.
FINE. THEN YOU COME HOME
AND WE'LL JUS REVIVE MR. TONTO.
OHHH!
OK, TELL HIM
I'M ON MY WAY.
HAS CELIA NOTICED
ANYTHING?
NO. SHE'S RIGHT HERE.
WE'RE PLAYING SUPERMODEL.
OH, GREAT. SO YOU'RE
TEACHING HER TO STARVE
AND PARTY THROUGHOUT THE
NIGHT AND ACT LIKE A DIVA?
ACTUALLY, WE'RE WORKING
ON MATH.
SHE'S ADDING RUNWAY PAYCHECKS
AND PHOTO SHOOT FEES,
FIGURING OUT HOW MUCH
SHE CAN GROSS IN A WEEK.
BARBARA--
I'M SERIOUS. I'VE EVEN GOT HER
SUBTRACTING OUT COMMISSIONS.
THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
IN CASE YOU HADN' REALIZED IT,
I SPECIALIZE
IN CRISIS MANAGEMENT.
BYE.
OFFICER, THERE REALLY IS
A DEAD HAMSTER.
THERE ALWAYS IS.
YOU HAVE A NICE DAY.
WE ARE BLINDLY BORN
WITH A FACE QUITE UNKNOWN
WE CAN LEARN SO MUCH
ABOUT NOTHING YOU WANT TO DO
BUT IT'S THE RIGHT PATH
AND I'M FEELING SO BITTER
'CAUSE MY RIGHT PATH
IS SO HARD, BROKE DOWN...
OH, YES!
GOOD JOB.
THANKS.
I'M SHOOTING
KIND OF HIGH, I KNOW
AND I'M FEELING SO DARN LOW
SORRY.
GREAT.
SO WHEN LAERTES
LETS HAMLET DOWN
IN THE GRAVE DIGGER'S
SCENE--
HORATIO LETS HAMLET DOWN.
OH, RIGHT. OF COURSE.
HORATIO.
ARE YOU SURE?
THIS IS PRETTY SIMPLE STUFF.
WELL, I'M SORRY,
BUT BETWEEN PLAYING CHAUFFEUR
AND BRAT NANNY, I'VE
FALLEN TWO ACTS BEHIND.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
GETTING COOKIES.
NOT A CHANCE.
YOU ALREADY HAD SOME.
WELL, I WANT MORE.
WELL, HAVE AN APPLE.
IT'S BETTER FOR YOU.
BUT I WANT A COOKIE.
GREAT. TRY THE RED
ROUND ONES WITH A STEM.
IS HE YOUR BOYFRIEND?
THIS IS JOE.
HELLO.
JOE, CAN I HAVE A COOKIE?
CELIA, GET OUT OF HERE.
OK, WHERE WERE WE?
AHEM. HORATIO.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
CELIA,
TURN THE TV DOWN.
YOU'VE GOT TO CALM DOWN.
LOOK.
WOW. BETSY REALLY SEEMS
TO BE ENJOYING HERSELF.
YEAH, AND I'M STUCK HERE
BABYSITTING A RUNT.
[TV CONTINUES]
CELIA!
WHAT PART OF TURN THE TV
DOWN DIDN'T YOU UNDERSTAND?
SHH.
DON'T YOU HAVE
HOMEWORK TO DO?
IT'S THE WEEKEND.
WELL, I DON'T CARE.
TURN IT OFF
AND GET IT DONE.
WHY?
BECAUSE I SAID SO.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST CHILL?
EXCUSE ME?
THAT'S WHAT YOU'D SAY
TO BARBARA.
NEWS FLASH, LITTLE GIRL:
YOU'RE NOT ME,
AND I'M NOT YOUR 24/7 SERVANT.
WHEN I ASK YOU TO DO
SOMETHING, I WANT IT DONE.
DO YOU BOSS YOUR BOYFRIEND
AROUND LIKE THIS, TOO?
YOU'RE A SPOILED LITTLE BRAT.
WELL, YOU'RE
A REALLY BIG ONE.
GO TO YOUR ROOM.
NO.
I SAID GO.
A REAL SISTER WOULD NEVER
TREAT ME LIKE THIS.
WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD, BECAUSE I'M
THE CLOSEST THING THAT YOU'VE GOT.
MY MOM AND DAD WOULDN'T HAVE
ACTED LIKE THIS, EITHER.
GO UPSTAIRS
TO YOUR ROOM RIGHT NOW
OR I SWEAR I WILL
GROUND YOU FOR A MONTH.
I SAID GO UPSTAIRS
TO YOUR ROOM.
Celia: DON'T TELL ME
WHAT TO DO.
CELIA, THIS ATTITUDE
ISN'T GOING TO PLAY.
CELIA!
CELIA, I--
YOU SOUNDED
EXACTLY LIKE MY MOM.
[CHUCKLES]
IT WAS SURREAL.
I'M SUPPOSED TO BE STUDYING TRAGEDY,
NOT LIVING ONE.
IT IS SAD TO SEE
A LIFE EXTINGUISHED
AT SO YOUNG AN AGE.
CELIA'S OR MINE?
BOTH.
YOU NEED TOOLS TO RAISE A KID.
I HAVE NONE.
PARENTS NEED PATIENCE.
I HAVE NONE.
I'M SO IN OVER MY HEAD
HERE, AND...
CELIA WOULD BE BETTER OFF
BEING RAISED BY WOLVES.
WELL, SHE SAID IT BEST.
YOU'RE NOT HER MOTHER.
YOU KNOW, THERE IS A SIMPLE
SOLUTION TO THIS LITTLE PROBLEM.
SUICIDE?
NO, I'D SCREW THAT UP.
TRY THESE INSTEAD.
CDs.
ITALIAN LANGUAGE CDs.
JEWELRY WOULD HAVE BEEN
MUCH MORE ROMANTIC.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
ITALIAN'S THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE.
FRENCH IS THE LANGUAGE
OF LOVE.
YEAH, WELL, GIVE ME SOME SLACK.
THEY SHARE A BORDER.
YOU LEARN THE LANGUAGE.
WHAT, FOR OUR LONG
DISTANCE PHONE CALLS?
SO YOU CAN BLOW OU OF HERE WHEN I DO.
BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T,
YOU ARE GOING TO LOSE
WHAT LITTLE MIND
YOU'VE GOT LEFT.
JOE, WE'VE BEEN
THROUGH THIS.
OLIVIA, WHO ARE YOU HELPING
BY STAYING HERE?
BELIEVE IT OR NOT,
YOU DESERVE
SOME HAPPINESS, TOO.
WELL, I THINK
IF GOING TO ITALY
IS GOING TO MAKE YOU HAPPY,
THEN YOU SHOULD DO IT.
DO YOU MEAN THAT?
ABSOLUTELY.
IT'S TOO GOOD AN
OPPORTUNITY TO PASS UP.
AND YOU'LL BE OK
WITHOUT ME?
AFTER SOME
INTENSIVE THERAPY,
I THINK I CAN FIGURE OU HOW TO SURVIVE.
BUT THERE IS
ONE CONDITION.
I ALREADY PROMISED I'D COME
BACK AND GRADUATE FROM COLLEGE.
FORGET THAT. I NEED
YOUR OPEN INVITATION
TO COME AND VISI WHENEVER I WANT.
OH, I'VE ALREADY NOTIFIED
THE ITALIAN EMBASSY.
THEY HAVE STRICT ORDERS TO
TURN YOU AWAY AT THE BORDER.
THAT'S VERY FUNNY.
OH, NO.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT.
ROSAVEL'S GOING TO GE EVERYTHING READY FOR PICKUP.
HEY, IT SAVES ME
A TRIP TO THE GYM.
I STILL WONDER IF WE'RE
DOING THE RIGHT THING.
LOOK, SOONER OR LATER,
THESE CLOTHES HAVE GOT TO GO.
CELIA WILL UNDERSTAND.
I MEAN, THE MONEY THEY COULD
RAISE FROM ALICIA'S SHOES ALONE
COULD END WORLD HUNGER.
I BOUGHT THIS TIE
FOR YOUR FATHER.
HE WORE IT THE DAY
HE GRADUATED LAW SCHOOL.
DO YOU THINK, UM...
HE'D BE ANGRY IF I KEPT IT?
HE'D BE ANGRY
IF YOU DIDN'T.
[SIGHS] OK.
YEAH. OK.
SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO
DO ONCE YOU GET THERE?
THE FIRST THING
I'M GOING TO DO
IS TRY AND FORGET THE LAS FEW WEEKS EVER HAPPENED
THEN MAYBE I'LL GET A JOB.
OR STOMPING GRAPES.
WELL, I JUS WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT I AM
INCREDIBLY JEALOUS.
I CAN'T EVEN GE MY BOYFRIEND
TO TAKE ME TO SEE
A FELLINI FILM.
[CHUCKLES]
HEY, ISN'T THAT HIM?
TIME TO CLOSE THE DEAL.
NEED BACKUP?
NO, BUT THANKS FOR ASKING.
EVENING.
THANKS FOR COMING ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE,
COUNSELOR.
JEEZ, I MISS COLLEGE.
ME, TOO.
SO WHAT WAS SO URGEN THAT I HAD TO CANCEL AN
EXHILARATING TAX SHELTER SEMINAR?
I WANTED YOU TO KNOW
THAT THIS IS WHO I AM.
I ALREADY KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
NO, YOU THINK YOU DO,
BUT YOU DON'T, REALLY.
OK.
LOOK, I'M A KID,
COUNSELOR.
YOU'RE GIVING UP CUSTODY?
I'M A KID WHO'D
RATHER BE OUT DANCING
OR AT A PARTY
TILL 4:00 IN THE MORNING
INSTEAD OF TUCKING
A 7-YEAR-OLD IN BY 8:00.
I SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT MIDTERMS,
NOT A MID-LIFE CRISIS.
I HAVE GREAT FRIENDS
I NEVER SEE ANYMORE,
AND I HAD A LIFE
I LOVED.
AND NOW I'M LIVING A LIFE
I'M STARTING TO HATE.
DID YOU THINK
THIS WOULD BE EASY?
NO, I THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE,
REMEMBER?
AND CELIA'S
NO HAPPIER THAN I AM.
SO YOU'RE BAILING ON HER BECAUSE
YOU HIT A BUMP IN THE ROAD?
RICHARD'S DYING WASN' A BUMP IN THE ROAD.
HAVING MY LIFE TURNED UPSIDE
DOWN WASN'T A BUMP IN THE ROAD.
OLIVIA, THAT IS NO WHAT I MEANT.
YOU'RE JUST QUITTING NOW BEFORE GIVING
THIS A CHANCE IT REALLY DESERVES.
THAT'S NOT FAIR.
YOU ALWAYS KNEW THIS WAS A POSSIBILITY.
I'LL CONTAC CELIA'S GRANDPARENTS
AND HANDLE
ALL THE PAPERWORK.
HOW ARE YOU
GOING TO TELL HER?
OH, I'M NOT.
THAT'S ONE DETAIL YOU'VE
GOT TO HANDLE FOR YOURSELF.
CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING?
NO. NO, THANK YOU.
WE'RE DONE HERE.
BUT YOU MIGHT WAN TO CHECK THIS ONE'S I.D.
APPARENTLY SHE'S NO AN ADULT AFTER ALL.
MADAME.
WHEN'S OLIVIA
COMING HOME?
I'M NOT SURE.
SHE HAD TO TAKE CARE OF A FEW THINGS.
LIKE WHAT?
GROWNUP STUFF.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
TRYING TO FIGURE OU WHERE BABIES COME FROM.
WHY?
BECAUSE THIS KID
IN MY CLASS, YALE,
HE SAID MY PARENTS FOUND
ME INSIDE A POT ROAST.
WELL, THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
SO WHERE DO BABIES
COME FROM?
SO I WAS THINKING
THAT TONIGH WE COULD ORDER IN
WHATEVER YOU WANT FOR DINNER.
WHY?
WHY DOES THERE
HAVE TO BE A REASON?
BECAUSE YOU'RE BEING
SUPER NICE.
I WAS HOPING THA MAYBE WE COULD TALK.
I MEAN, ARE YOU HAPPY
WITH THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING?
I GUESS.
SEE, THAT'S THE THING.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO GUESS,
'CAUSE YOU DESERVE
THE VERY BEST OF EVERYTHING.
LIKE WHERE I WOULD BE
A FLUTE PLAYER?
YEAH, NOT A CHANCE.
MY OWN CELL PHONE?
WHAT? YOU'RE NOT OLD ENOUGH.
WHO ARE YOU GOING TO CALL?
YOU'RE 7.
ALL RIGHT.
I GUESS I WILL, UH...
I'LL PICK YOU UP
AT 2:00.
DON'T BE LATE.
I HAVE NOT BEEN LATE IN WEEKS.
GIVE ME A BREAK.
ARRIVEDERCI.
WHERE DID THA COME FROM?
I HEARD YOU PRACTICING
OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN EXACTLY?
IT MEANS THAT WE'RE
BOTH GOING TO BE LATE.
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
DID YOU PUT THE GRAND
PIANO IN YOUR PACK?
JUST SOMETHING
FOR SHOW AND TELL. BYE.
BYE.
SO RIGHT AFTER
THE MOM AND DAD DO THAT,
MILLIONS OF THINGS
THAT LOOK LIKE POLLYWOGS
HEAD FOR THE MOMMY'S EGG,
USUALLY FINDING I SOMEWHERE IN HER...
FALLOP...
CALLOP...
FALLOPIAN TUBES?
YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS, TOO?
SOME OF IT, YES.
ANYWAYS,
THEN 9 MONTHS LATER,
A LITTLE BABY IS BORN,
AND THAT'S WHERE
WE ALL COME FROM.
NOT FROM A POT ROAS LIKE YALE TOLD EVERYBODY.
ANY QUESTIONS?
READY?
MR. CALHOUN WANTS
TO TALK TO YOU.
WHAT DID YOU DO THIS TIME,
TRY TO SET THE SCHOOL ON FIRE?
I SWEAR TO YOU,
I'M NOT THE ONE
WHO GAVE HER THE
SEX EDUCATION LESSON.
THAT'S NOT ALL.
SHE EVEN BROUGHT IN
A VISUAL AID.
THAT'S MY MOTHER.
YOU'RE KIDDING.
NO, WHICH LEADS ME
TO BELIEVE
SHE'S RESPONSIBLE FOR GIVING
THE IMPROMPTU SCIENCE LESSON.
YOUR MOTHER, HUH?
I WOULD APPRECIATE YOU
NOT GAWKING.
THAT'S BAD MANNERS.
I'M SORRY.
IT'S JUST THAT MY MOTHER, SHE LOOKED...
YOU KNOW...FLABBY.
SHE HAD A MOUSTACHE.
I'M NOT TRYING
TO STIFLE TRUTH,
JUST KEEP SUBJECT MATTER
AGE APPROPRIATE.
WHEN A CHILD ASKS ME
WHERE BABIES COME FROM,
I GENERALLY TELL THEM
CHICAGO.
CHICAGO?
I'M A CUBS FAN.
LISTEN,
I WOULD APPRECIATE I IF YOU JUS KEPT THIS TO YOURSELF,
BUT AT THE END
OF THE SCHOOL YEAR,
CELIA WILL BE MOVING TO ARGENTINA
TO LIVE WITH HER GRANDPARENTS.
OH. SHE HASN'T MENTIONED
ANYTHING.
THAT'S BECAUSE
I HAVEN'T TOLD HER YET.
I JUST HAVEN'T REALLY
FOUND THE RIGHT TIME.
YEAH, WELL, I'M CERTAIN
THIS WAS NOT AN EASY DECISION,
BUT YOU SHOULD KNOW
THAT YOU'VE DONE A GREAT JOB
HELPING CELIA THROUGH
A VERY DIFFICULT TIME.
IF ONLY THAT WERE TRUE.
WHEN SHE CAME BACK
AFTER THE ACCIDENT,
SHE KEPT TO HERSELF,
BARELY SPOKE.
BUT LITTLE BY LITTLE,
SHE'S OPENED UP,
AND TODAY...WELL, TODAY'S
SHE'S TELLING THE WHOLE CLASS
WHERE BABIES COME FROM.
YOU KNOW...
THERE'S A STORY
SHE'S BEEN WORKING ON.
HERE. MAYBE THIS WILL HELP
MAKE A BELIEVER OUT OF YOU.
"ONCE THERE WAS
A CAT NAMED OLIVE
"AND A DOG NAMED CECE.
"ONE BARKED
AND THE OTHER MEOWED,
AND NEITHER KNEW
WHAT THE OTHER WANTED."
[CELIA'S VOICE]
THEY BARELY KNEW EACH OTHER,
AND THEY GOT IN FIGHTS
ALL THE TIME.
BUT THEN THINGS BETWEEN THEM
BEGAN TO CHANGE
AND THEY STARTED
TO FIND THEIR WAY.
HOW DOES
THIS STORY END?
I GUESS
WE'LL FIND OUT, HUH?
READY?
WAS MR. CALHOUN
MEAN TO YOU?
NO. WHY?
BECAUSE YOU LOOK UPSET.
NO. I JUST, UH...
I JUST GOT A LITTLE
CHALK DUST IN MY EYE.
YOU OK?
I'VE GOT TO GO.
WHAT?
IT'S 5:30 IN THE MORNING.
YEAH, BUT WHAT'S CELIA
GOING TO DO
IF SHE WAKES UP
AND I'M NOT THERE?
YOUR MOM CAN POUR SYRUP
ON HER PANCAKES WITHOUT YOU.
AND SHE'S GOT A SOCCER
GAME THIS MORNING.
OLIVIA, BARBARA IS THERE.
SHE CAN HANDLE IT.
IT'S BAD ENOUGH YOU'VE GOT ME
ABANDONING THIS LITTLE GIRL.
I'VE GOT YOU DOING IT?
YEAH, AND NOW YOU WANT TO ADD
CHILD ENDANGERMENT TO THE LIST?
THAT WAS A JOKE.
I GUESS I'VE SORT OF
LOST MY SENSE OF HUMOR
WHERE THIS KID'S
INVOLVED.
ONE MORE WEEK, JOE.
THEN IT'S JUST YOU AND ME.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
[PARENTS SHOUTING
ENCOURAGEMENT]
Olivia: THAT'S IT!
THAT'S IT, CELIA! YOU GOT IT!
THAT'S PERFECT.
OK, GO, GO, GO, GO, GO!
GOOD JOB, CELIA!
I GOT IT!
PERFECT! GO, GO, GO, GO!
THAT'S OK. THAT'S OK.
COME ON, GUYS.
YOU CAN DO IT.
DON'T WORRY.
YOU'LL GET IT NEXT TIME.
JUST KEEP KICKING.
KICK THE BALL!
WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF THAT GUY OVER THERE?
NOT NOW. I'M WATCHING
CELIA PLAY.
IT'S JUST A GAME.
CHECK HIM OUT.
HE'S PERFECT FOR YOU:
DIVORCED AND ATTEMPTING TO RECONCILE.
I'M NOT REALLY LOOKING FOR
A LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP.
WE'RE HERE TO SUPPORT CELIA,
NOT FIND YOU A DINNER DATE. KICK IT!
I'M SORRY,
BUT I HAPPEN TO BE A MULTI-TASKER.
GET READY, CELIA.
GO, CELIA!
[CHEERING]
DID YOU SEE THAT?
I'M SO PROUD OF YOU, CELIA.
WAY TO HANG IN THERE.
HA HA HA HA! YES!
THAT WAS PERFECT.
JUST GO DO IT AGAIN.
OK.
WAS THAT THE MOS AMAZING THING EVER?
WILL YOU STOP?
YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME.
CELIA SCORED A GOAL.
HEY, MY LITTLE SISTER,
SHE SCORED HER FIRST GOAL.
HA HA HA HA!
IS SHE GOING TO DO THIS EVERY
TIME SOMETHING GOOD HAPPENS?
I HOPE NOT.
IT'S EXHAUSTING.
SO HOW DO YOU WAN TO CELEBRATE?
YOU WANT TO GO TO,
LIKE, TOY STORE
OR MAYBE GE SOME VIDEO GAMES
OR KNOCK OVER A BANK?
I'VE GOT A BETTER IDEA.
MY MOM MADE THIS ONE.
IT REALLY IS BEAUTIFUL.
YOU SURE?
OK...
MY DAD WASN'T SO NICE TO
YOU WHEN YOU WERE A KID,
WAS HE?
NO, HE WASN'T, BUT...
SOMETIMES...
SOMETIMES I WASN' VERY NICE TO HIM, EITHER.
LET'S TRY THE TURTLE.
OK.
[SIGHS]
HOW DID CELIA
TAKE THE NEWS?
SHOULD HAVE HAD
A STAMP MADE.
THE REASON I'M ASKING
IS BECAUSE--
I HAVEN'T TOLD HER YET.
I JUST HAVEN'T FOUND
THE RIGHT TIME TO DO IT.
YOU DO IT.
WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS
ALREADY, OLIVIA.
YOU'RE BOTH LEAVING
IN LESS THAN A WEEK.
YEAH, BUT YOU'RE
HER UNCLE, DENNIS.
YOU HAD A RELATIONSHIP
WITH HER LONG BEFORE I DID.
THE NEWS
HAS TO COME FROM YOU.
I CAN'T HURT HER.
MAYBE YOU CAN' TELL HER YOU'RE LEAVING
BECAUSE YOU'RE HAVING
SECOND THOUGHTS.
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
NO, I CAN HEAR I IN YOUR VOICE.
I CAN SEE THE RELUCTANCE
IN YOUR EYES.
WELL, THEN YOU NEED TO CHANGE
YOUR PRESCRIPTION, COUNSELOR.
AH, YES. THE FAMOUS OLIVIA
MARTIN BITING SENSE OF HUMOR.
WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
SPIT OUT A JOKE.
PUT UP A WALL.
DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO
SHOW EVERYONE AROUND YOU
THAT YOU DON'T GIVE A DAMN
ABOUT ANYBODY BUT YOURSELF.
WHO THE HELL ARE YOU
TO TALK TO ME LIKE THIS?
NOBODY. NOBODY REALLY.
BUT YOUR FATHER
TRUSTED ME,
AND I HOPED
TO HONOR HIS WISHES.
AND OLIVIA, I CARE
A GREAT DEAL FOR CELIA,
AND FOR SOME
STRANGE REASON,
I'VE EVEN STARTED
CARING ABOUT YOU.
TELL ME ABOUT IT.
SHE'S BEEN LIKE A YO-YO.
SHE SHOULD BE BACK
PRETTY SOON.
NO, I DON'T KNOW,
BUT YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS STUFF UP FRONT.
YOU KNOW, I LOVE HER.
SHE'S MY FLESH AND BLOOD, BUT REALLY...
LISTEN, JOE,
I ONCE DATED
THE MOST CHARMING SOCCER
PLAYER FROM BUENOS AIRES.
THE PLACE IS FABULOUS.
CELIA'S GOING TO LOVE IT.
LIVING WITH HER GRANDPARENTS
IS THE BEST POSSIBLE
SOLUTION FOR ALL OF US.
SHE'S GOING TO BE FINE.
I PROMISE.
I REALIZE THA YOU PROBABLY THINK
I'M THE MOS HORRIBLE PERSON ALIVE.
NO, I DON'T.
I THINK YOU ARE
A 21-YEAR-OLD WOMAN
WHO WAS GIVEN A RESPONSIBILITY
SHE WASN'T READY FOR.
WELL, IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL
ANY BETTER,
YOU SHOULD KNOW THA I'M GOING TO TELL CELIA
EVERYTHING THE SECOND I GET HOME.
OLIVIA, I WAS
OUT OF LINE BEFORE.
I DID TRY TO
TALK YOU INTO SOMETHING
YOU WERE TOTALLY
SET AGAINST.
WELL, I STILL
COULD HAVE SAID NO.
I'M TRYING TO APOLOGIZE.
IF YOU NEED ME TO
STILL BE THERE FOR YOU
WHEN YOU TELL CELIA,
I'LL DO WHAT I CAN
TO SOFTEN THE BLOW.
YOU'RE A GOOD MAN, COUNSELOR.
IT'S THE SHOES, OLIVIA.
AND DON'T LET ANYBODY
TELL YOU ANY DIFFERENT.
IS CELIA UPSTAIRS?
PROBABLY.
I MISS ANYTHING EXCITING?
JOE CALLED.
YOU OK?
YEAH, NEVER BETTER.
DENNIS IS HERE.
HE'S UPSTAIRS SAYING HI TO CELIA.
YEAH, SHE'S DOING
HER HOMEWORK.
DID YOU DOT ALL YOUR Is,
CROSS ALL YOUR Ts?
YEAH.
CELIA?
WHERE'S CELIA?
ISN'T SHE IN HER ROOM
DOING HOMEWORK?
NO, SHE'S NOT.
ARE YOU SURE?
I'M TELLING YOU,
SHE'S NOT UPSTAIRS.
CELIA?
CELIA?
CELIA?
CELIA!
COME ON, HONEY.
THIS ISN'T A VERY FUN GAME.
CELIA!
DID SOMETHING
HAPPEN?
DID YOU SAY
SOMETHING TO HER?
WHY DOES IT ALWAYS
HAVE TO BE MY FAULT?
I HATE TO BREAK THIS
TO YOU BOTH,
BUT ARGUING ISN' GOING TO HELP FIND HER.
YEAH, WELL, WHAT IS?
I KNOW.
CELIA...
WHAT'S GOING ON?
GO AWAY.
DO YOU HEAR ME?
GET AWAY FROM ME!
WHAT'S WRONG?
YOU CAN TELL ME?
NO, I CAN'T.
OF COURSE YOU CAN.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!
CELIA--
I MEAN IT. I CAN'T WAI UNTIL YOU LEAVE.
YOU'RE NOT MY MOM OR MY DAD.
CELIA, YOU'RE
GETTING THIS ALL WRONG.
I HEARD BARBARA
ON THE PHONE.
I'M GOING TO GRANDMA
AND GRANDPA'S.
YOU'RE LEAVING ME, TOO.
IT'S TRUE, ISN'T IT?
IT'S ALL... IT'S ALL
VERY, VERY COMPLICATED.
YOU LIED TO ME
ABOUT EVERYTHING.
I'M SORRY.
I HATE YOU!
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?
I HATE YOU!
NO WONDER MY DADDY
NEVER TALKED TO YOU.
CELIA FINALLY
FELL ASLEEP.
SHE DIDN'T WAN TO TALK TO ME.
OLIVIA, IT HAS BEEN
A VERY...
VERY LONG NIGHT.
COME ON.
I THINK MAYBE
IT'S TIME FOR ME
TO PACK UP
AND GET OUT OF HERE.
NO. NO.
THIS ISN'T YOUR FAULT.
I SHOULD HAVE BEEN STRAIGH WITH CELIA FROM THE BEGINNING.
YOU JUST DIDN'T WAN TO HURT THE LITTLE RUNT.
YEAH, WE SEE HOW WELL
THAT WORKED OUT.
IT'S OBVIOUS YOU'RE HAVING
MIXED EMOTIONS ABOUT LEAVING.
NO, I'M NOW
ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE
THAT GOING TO ITALY IS
THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE
ANY SENSE.
WHEN WE
COULDN'T FIND HER,
I MEAN, WHEN I DIDN' KNOW WHERE SHE WAS,
I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE
SCARED IN MY WHOLE LIFE.
THAT'S CALLED BEING A PARENT.
WELL, I'M SORRY.
I HAVE TRIED MY BEST,
AND I'M JUST NOT READY FOR
THIS KIND OF RESPONSIBILITY.
WELL, SOONER OR LATER,
WHETHER WE LIKE IT OR NOT,
WE ALL HAVE TO GROW UP.
SHE TALKING ABOU HERSELF OR ME?
I'M STILL IN THE ROOM.
SO I'LL TALK TO YOU
TOMORROW?
YEAH.
HEY...
IT'S GOING TO BE OK.
NIGHT, DENNIS.
YOU COULDN'T SLEEP,
EITHER, HUH?
MIND IF I ASK YOU
A QUESTION?
I WAS 4 WHEN KENNEDY
WAS ASSASSINATED,
SO YOU CAN'T BLAME
THAT ONE ON ME.
WHY DO YOU THINK
RICHARD LOVED CELIA
BUT DIDN'T CARE ABOUT ME?
WHEN YOU CAME ALONG,
YOUR FATHER WAS...
A VERY DIFFERENT MAN.
HE HAD NO IDEA HOW TO CARE
FOR ANYBODY BUT HIMSELF.
MY GUESS IS
THAT HE SCREWED UP SO BADLY WITH US,
WITH YOU...
HE JUS COULD NEVER FIND A WAY
TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT.
THEN HE JUST COULDN' DEAL WITH THE FAILURE.
YEAH, BUT WHY
TREAT ME LIKE A CLIEN AND TREAT HER
LIKE A DAUGHTER?
SHE WAS
HIS SECOND CHANCE
TO FIX THE BIGGES MISTAKE OF HIS LIFE.
WHAT?
IT'S JUST THIS PAINTING
CELIA DID.
IT'S HUNG HERE EVERY DAY
WHILE I WAS JUS NONEXISTENT IN HIS UNIVERSE.
[CHUCKLES]
WHAT? WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
CELIA DIDN'T PAIN THAT PICTURE. YOU DID.
YOU WORKED ON THAT THING
EVERY DAY FOR A WEEK
UNTIL YOU GOT THOSE LITTLE
HANDS EXACTLY RIGHT.
WHY'D HE KEEP IT?
MAYBE THAT WAY...
A LITTLE PART OF YOU
WOULD ALWAYS BE WITH HIM.
OH, HONEY...
I'M SORRY. I DIDN' MEAN TO WAKE YOU.
CELIA, I OWE YOU
A HUGE APOLOGY.
I MEAN, THE LAST THING
I EVER WANTED TO DO
WAS MAKE YOU SAD,
AND I PROMISE I'LL
NEVER LIE TO YOU AGAIN.
I'M SO SORRY.
I'M SORRY FOR WHA I SAID BEFORE, TOO.
ARE YOU KIDDING?
I THOUGHT YOU LET ME OFF PRETTY LIGHT.
SO WHEN ARE YOU GOING AWAY?
YOU AND I BOTH ARE
LEAVING IN ABOUT A WEEK.
UNCLE DENNIS IS GOING TO FLY
WITH YOU TO YOUR GRANDPARENTS.
I LOOKED AT MY GLOBE.
ITALY IS A LONG WAYS AWAY
FROM ARGENTINA.
NO, IT'S NOT.
YEAH.
YEAH, IT'S
PRETTY FAR AWAY,
BUT I PROMISE WE'LL TALK
ON THE PHONE ALL THE TIME
AND I SWEAR
I'LL COME VISIT YOU.
YOU THINK THEY'LL
LET ME BRING MRS. TONTO?
I THOUGHT YOU SAID
HE WAS A MR. TONTO?
HE WAS, BUT YOU
REPLACED HIM WITH A HER.
YOU KNEW ALL ALONG
THAT MR. TONTO
WAS AN IMPOSTER?
MR. CALHOUN IS AN EXCELLEN SCIENCE TEACHER.
BUT YOU NEVER SAID
ANYTHING.
YOU WENT TO ALL THAT TROUBLE.
I DIDN'T WAN TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS.
WOULD YOU MIND IF I
BUNKED WITH YOU TONIGHT?
YOU THINK MY MOM AND DAD
ARE IN HEAVEN,
LOOKING DOWN
AND WATCHING US?
EVERY SECOND OF THE DAY.
I'M TRYING
TO TELL YOU SOMETHING
ABOUT MY LIFE
MAYBE GIVE ME INSIGHT
YOU GUYS HAVE TO HAVE FINAL
PAPERS IN BY NEXT WEDNESDAY.
THEY MUST BE 1,500 WORDS AND
COUNT FOR 20% OF YOUR GRADE.
FOR YOUR OWN BENEFIT,
NO LATE PAPERS.
IN LIFE, AFTER ALL, YEAH
I WENT TO THE DOCTOR
I WENT TO THE MOUNTAINS
I LOOKED TO THE CHILDREN
I DRANK
FROM THE FOUNTAIN
AND WE GO TO THE DOCTOR
WE GO TO THE MOUNTAINS
THE MILLER'S TALE, THE COOK'S TALE,
AND THE MONK'S TALE.
YEAH, WE GO TO THE BIBLE
WE GO THROUGH
THE WORKOUT
WE READ UP ON REVIVAL
WE STAND UP
FOR THE LOOKOUT
THERE'S MORE THAN ONE ANSWER
TO THESE QUESTIONS
POINTING ME
IN A CROOKED LINE
THE LESS I SEEK MY SOURCE
FOR SOME DEFINITIVE
THE CLOSER I AM TO FINE
THE CLOSER I AM TO FINE
THE CLOSER I AM
TO FINE, YEAH
WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN
TO ALL MY TOYS?
YOU'RE GOING TO CHOOSE
ALL THE THINGS YOU LOVE
AND THEN ROSAVEL WILL PACK THEM
UP AND SHIP THEM TO ARGENTINA.
IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR YOUR
TICKET, IT'S RIGHT HERE.
I WASN'T.
ARE MY GRANDPARENTS GOING
TO MAKE ME DO MY HOMEWORK
BEFORE I CAN WATCH TV?
YEAH, I'D PRETTY MUCH
COUNT ON THAT.
AND THAT PASSPORT THA YOU'RE NOT SEARCHING FOR
IS UNDER THE FRUIT BAR.
ARE THEY GOING TO
MAKE ME BRUSH MY TEETH?
IF YOU HAVE ANY LEFT AFTER YOU
FINISH EATING ALL THAT ICING.
ARE THEY GOING TO MAKE ME
PICK UP ALL MY CLOTHES
LIKE YOU DO?
I DON'T SOUND LIKE YOUR SISTER.
I SOUND LIKE YOUR BOSS.
IT'S OK. I COULDN' STAND IT AT FIRST,
BUT THEN I ACTUALLY STARTED
GETTING USED TO IT.
ME, TOO. WEIRD, HUH?
THANKS.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
THAT MUST BE
UNCLE DENNIS.
WELL, I HOPE
HE'S HAD HIS SHOTS.
THAT MAY BE THE BEST CHOCOLATE
CAKE I'VE EVER TASTED.
IF THE KID HAD HATED DESSERT,
WE WOULD HAVE STARVED BY NOW.
AND I FINALLY USED
THE RIGHT FORK.
I NEVER THOUGH YOU'D GET IT.
COME ON, RUNT.
HELP ME CLEAR THE TABLE, HMM?
SO YOU'RE ALL PACKED
AND READY TO FLY?
YEAH. THE CAR PICKS ME UP
AT 6 A.M.
AND WE SWING BY
AND GRAB JOE. YOU?
MY FLIGHT LEAVES
IN THE EVENING,
BUT I'LL BE COMING OVER
AROUND NOON.
THAT'LL GIVE CELIA TIME FOR
SOME EXTRA LAST-MINUTE STUFF.
I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MUCH I
APPRECIATE YOU TRAVELING WITH HER.
WELL, THAT WAY I'M SURE THEIR SIDE OF
THE CUSTODY PAPERWORK IS COMPLETED.
WON'T BE ANY PROBLEMS.
RICHARD MUST HAVE BEEN NUTS
TO THINK THA A 21-YEAR-OLD MISFIT LIKE ME
COULD POSSIBLY TAKE CARE OF
A 7-YEAR-OLD KID.
HE WAS A LOT OF THINGS,
BUT CRAZY WASN'T ONE OF THEM.
EVEN THOUGH ALL THE EVIDENCE
WAS TO THE CONTRARY?
YOU EVER HEAR
HIS PICASSO STORY?
NO, I THINK
I MISSED THAT ONE.
RICHARD HAD A CLIENT WHO
FOUND OUT HER HUSBAND
WAS SLEEPING WITH ABOUT A HALF
DOZEN WOMEN BEHIND HER BACK.
IN THE DIVORCE SETTLEMENT,
SHE GETS THE PICASSO.
WORTH MILLIONS.
ABOUT A YEAR LATER,
AFTER SHE'S PUT HER LIFE BACK TOGETHER,
SHE FALLS OFF A LADDER,
SNAPS HER NECK,
AND DIES.
WOW. THAT'S A VERY
UPLIFTING STORY, COUNSELOR.
WELL, THERE'S MORE,
OLIVIA.
OH, BUT THAT ENDING
WAS SO SATISFYING.
SHE LEAVES THE PICASSO
TO HER EX-HUSBAND,
THE VERY SAME MAN
WHOSE GUTS SHE HATED.
HUH. SO YOUR POINT IS...
WHAT DO YOU THINK,
COUNSELOR?
WELL...
I'D SAY THA ANY FIRST YEAR LAW STUDEN WOULD PROBABLY ARGUE
THAT SHE DIDN' REALLY HATE HIM.
IF SHE HAD, SHE WOULDN'T HAVE
LEFT HIM WITH SUCH A TREASURE.
SHE OBVIOUSLY STILL LOVED
AND TRUSTED HIM.
MAYBE YOU HAVE A CAREER IN
FRONT OF A JURY AFTER ALL.
RICHARD LEFT ME HIS TREASURE.
YOU TWO TELLING
PIRATE STORIES?
WOULD YOU GUYS FINISH
THE DISHES? DO YOU MIND?
I'VE GOT TO TAKE CARE
OF SOMETHING.
WILL YOU BE BACK
BEFORE BEDTIME?
PROBABLY NOT, BUT I PROMISE NO TO LEAVE WITHOUT SAYING GOOD-BYE.
PROMISE?
CROSS MY HEART.
Joe: YEAH, I'M COMING.
HEY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
THAT'S A VERY DIFFICUL QUESTION TO ANSWER, JOE.
DO YOU WANT TO COME IN?
I'M STILL PACKING.
NO.
HOW ABOUT I COME OUT?
OH, BOY.
HOW DO I SAY THIS?
OK, HERE'S THE THING.
WHAT DO YOU LIKE
ABOUT ME?
I CAN'T EVER REMEMBER.
THAT'S WHAT MAKES
OUR RELATIONSHIP SPECIAL.
OK.
WELL, WHAT DO I LIKE
ABOUT YOU?
YOU'RE ATTRACTIVE,
SARCASTIC,
AND YOU DON'T DOTE ON ME.
SO YOU WANT ME TO GO HALFWAY
AROUND THE WORLD WITH YOU
BECAUSE I'M CUTE,
I GIVE YOU GRIEF,
AND DON'T ACT LIKE
YOUR MOM?
MY PARENTS STAYED TOGETHER
FOR 30 YEARS
BASED ON
A HELL OF A LOT LESS.
YEAH, BUT THAT'S
NOT ENOUGH FOR ME.
I CAME FROM
A BROKEN HOME
WHERE I DIDN'T GIVE
FAMILY ENOUGH THOUGHT.
I KNOW ALL OF THIS, OLIVIA.
BUT I WAS WRONG,
'CAUSE FAMILY MATTERS
MORE THAN I KNEW.
AND IF I RUN AWAY
WITH YOU,
WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT GOING
TO ITALY IS ALL ABOUT,
I WILL BE DOING TO CELIA
EXACTLY WHAT MY DAD
DID TO ME.
YOU ARE PUNISHING YOURSELF
OUT OF GUILT.
YOU DON'T GET IT,
DO YOU?
I'M TAKING CARE OF THIS
PERSON WHO NEEDS ME,
AND STRANGE AS IT IS,
I...
I NEED HER, TOO.
YOU ARE MAKING THE BIGGES MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE.
MAYBE...
BUT THERE'S THIS
PAGE TURNER
THAT I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF
ABOUT A CAT NAMED CECE,
A DOG NAMED OLIVE,
AND...
I GOT TO SEE
HOW IT ENDS.
[CHUCKLES]
CAN'T TALK YOU OUT OF THIS?
HAVE A SAFE TRIP,
DR. JOE.
HEY. WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
WHAT?
OLIVIA PROMISED SHE WOULDN' LEAVE WITHOUT SAYING GOOD-BYE.
BREAKFAST?
YOU'RE STILL HERE.
SO IS THAT A YES
TO WAFFLES OR A NO?
I THOUGHT...
I THOUGHT YOU LEF WITHOUT SAYING GOOD-BYE.
I CHANGED MY MIND.
YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO ITALY?
HOW CAN I LEAVE WHEN THE MOS IMPORTANT THING ON EARTH
IS STILL IN THIS HOUSE?
YOUR BLOW DRIER?
NO.
YOU.
I WAS BEING SARCASTIC.
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL LIFE
TO BE LIVING
SO BEAUTIFUL
OH, YEAH
I CAN'T HELP
THE WAY I'M FEELING
Celia: ONCE THERE WAS
A DOG NAMED CECE
AND A CAT NAMED OLIVE,
AND THEY DIDN'T GET ALONG
VERY WELL.
BUT SLOWLY THINGS CHANGED.
THEY GAVE EACH OTHER
A CHANCE
AND STOPPED FIGHTING
LONG ENOUGH TO LISTEN.
THE DOG REALIZED
THE CAT'S MEOW
WAS A BEAUTIFUL INSTRUMEN AND THE CAT DISCOVERED
THE DOG'S BARK
WAS THE MOST AMAZING
SINGING VOICE
IT HAD EVER HEARD.
IF EVERYBODY THINKS
MY SENSES HAVE RUN WILD
WORKS FOR ME.
Celia: SO CECE AND OLIVE
LEARNED THA THEY'RE MUCH SMARTER
HAPPIER,
AND STRONGER TOGETHER
THAN THEY EVER
WOULD HAVE BEEN APART.
TO BE LIVING
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DREAM
TO BE LEAVING
TO BE LEAVING
IF YOU WERE THE ONE
SITTING NEXT TO ME
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL LIFE
THAT WOULD BE
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL LIFE
THAT WOULD BE
TO BE LIVING
SO BEAUTIFUL
OH, YEAH
I CAN'T HELP
THE WAY I'M FEELING
I DON'T WANT TO STOP
WHAT HAPPENS TO ME...
QUICK, CAFFEINE.
RIGHT DOWN HERE.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
I WENT OUT LAST NIGH AND DIDN'T CRACK A BOOK.
HEY, WHAT DO YOU
THINK IS WORSE,
FAILING MACRO-ECONOMICS OR
FAILING COMPARATIVE LITERATURE?
MM. STAYING HOME ALONE
ON A FRIDAY NIGHT.
YOU GOT A POINT.
SEE YA.
SO DO YOU HAVE NOTES
FOR CHAPTER 6?
BECAUSE YOU'RE MINE
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL LIFE
TO BE LIVING
TO BE LIVING
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DREAM
TO BE LEAVING
TO BE LEAVING
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL LIFE
TO BE LIVING
TO BE LIVING
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DREAM
TO BE LEAVING
TO BE LEAVING
IF YOU WERE THE ONE...
IN THE KNIGHT'S TALE,
CHAUCER PRESENTS
THESEUS
AS A FIGURE WHO UNDERSTANDS
MAN'S PROPER LIFE
IN SUBMISSION TO THE PERFEC HARMONY OF THE UNIVERSE.
SO WHAT'S HE SAYING?
ANYONE?
IF EVERYBODY THINKS
MY SENSES HAVE RUN WILD
LOVE'S A MIRACLE
AND ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
I FEEL IT HAPPEN
EVERY TIME YOU SMILE
OH, YEAH
'CAUSE YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL
YOU WANTED TO SEE ME?
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU
STUDENTS ARE ALL BRAIN DEAD
OR IF MY TEACHING
TECHNIQUE STINKS.
WELL, IF YOU'RE ASKING
MY OPINION,
I'D SAY ALL THE BLAME
FALLS ON YOU.
AN 84?
COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.
YOU SCORED HIGHER THAN MOST.
YEAH, BUT MOS WEREN'T SLEEPING WITH YOU.
MOST WEREN'T SLEEPING
WITH YOU, WERE THEY?
WAIT. THAT'S WHAT YOU CALLED
ME DOWN HERE TO TELL ME.
FIRST OFF, I DIDN' GRADE YOUR PAPER.
THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN
UNETHICAL.
MEANING I'VE WASTED
MY TIME ON YOU
WHEN I COULD HAVE BEEN DATING
SOMEONE I REALLY LIKED?
ABSOLUTELY.
AND SECOND?
I GOT WORD THIS MORNING
THAT MY DISSERTATION PROPOSAL
WAS FINALLY ACCEPTED.
CONGRATULATIONS.
AND I'M LEAVING
FOR ITALY
END OF THE SEMESTER.
YOU'RE MOVING TO EUROPE?
6 WEEKS FROM TODAY,
I WILL BE BURIED
IN A FLORENCE LIBRARY
RESEARCHING
RENAISSANCE POETS.
WOW. THAT'S...THAT'S...
6 WEEKS?
YOU'RE HAPPY FOR ME,
RIGHT?
OH, ABSOLUTELY.
OF COURSE.
I MEAN, BECAUSE,
YOU KNOW,
WE ALWAYS TALKED ABOUT KEEPING
THINGS LIGHT BETWEEN US. REMEMBER?
GRAVITY FREE.
SO YOU THINK YOU'LL
BE ABLE TO STAND ME
WHEN YOU HAVE
TO CALL ME DOCTOR?
I CAN BARELY STAND YOU NOW.
WE NEED TO CELEBRATE.
LET'S GO SOMEWHERE GREA FOR DINNER TONIGHT.
NO, I CAN'T TONIGHT.
DON'T TELL ME YOU'VE
ALREADY FOUND ANOTHER MAN.
NO.
I FOUND ANOTHER WOMAN.
AND THEN I TOLD HIM
I WAS 36.
BUT YOU'RE 46.
SO I'M 36 PLUS 10.
HE'S A MINISTER,
BARBARA.
WHO WAS SINGLE
AND MOST LIKELY
ONLY INTERESTED
IN DATING YOUNGER WOMEN.
AND IT DOESN' BOTHER YOU
THAT YOU LIED
TO A MAN OF GOD?
IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER,
I WILL GO
TO CONFESSION TOMORROW
AND BE FORGIVEN
FOR MY SINS.
YOU CAN'T GO TO CONFESSION
BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT CATHOLIC,
AND LYING ABOUT YOUR AGE
PROBABLY WOULDN'T CRACK
THE TOP 10 STUNTS
YOU'VE PULLED
THIS WEEK ALONE.
WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT?
SEDUCING A PRIEST WOULDN' CRACK THE TOP 10.
YOU WEREN'T USING THIS,
WERE YOU?
ME? OH, NO.
I'M ONLY DRIVING.
[COUGHING]
SO, ABOUT TONIGHT.
I WILL BE ON
MY VERY BEST BEHAVIOR,
CROSS MY HEART,
HOPE TO DIE.
WELL, IT'S NOT EVERY DAY THA YOUR FATHER INVITES US OVER.
YEAH, EX-WIVES
AND EX-DAUGHTERS
DON'T MAKE
MANY GUEST LISTS.
THERE'S NO SUCH THING
AS AN EX-DAUGHTER.
MY GUESS IS HE JUST WANTS
TO SHOW OFF THE NEW HOUSE.
OR MAYBE HE CALLED US
BECAUSE HE FINALLY
CAME TO HIS SENSES
AND DUMPED ALICIA.
YOU THINK?
YOU KNOW, YOU COULD BE
MORE SUPPORTIVE.
AFTER ALL, I DID
CARRY YOU FOR 9 MONTHS.
AND BLAMED ME FOR THE WEIGH GAIN EVERY DAY SINCE.
NOT EVERY DAY.
AW, YOU'RE SO
CONSIDERATE.
IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE
RICHARD EVER LEFT YOU.
WELL, I WOULDN'T TAKE HIM BACK
IF HE BEGGED ME.
DON'T WORRY.
HE AIN'T BEGGING YOU.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
WELCOME.
MAY I TAKE
YOUR COATS?
OH, THAT'D BE GREAT.
RIGHT THIS WAY.
THANK YOU.
IT'S COZY, ISN'T IT?
IS IT HOT IN HERE?
YOU NEED TO JUST ADMI YOU'RE GOING THROUGH MENOPAUSE.
WHERE DO YOU THINK A GIRL CAN
GET A DRINK IN THIS JOINT?
DID I HEAR SOMEONE
WAS IN NEED OF REFRESHMENT?
AW. HI.
DENNIS, I'D LIKE YOU
TO MEET BARBARA AND OLIVIA.
IT'S A PLEASURE.
OH, OURS, TOO.
HEARD A LO ABOUT BOTH OF YOU.
LET ME GUESS.
YOU'RE A LAWYER.
IT'S THE SUIT.
SALESMAN SWORE
IT DIDN'T REEK OF ATTORNEY.
SORRY. IT WAS THE SHOES
THAT WERE THE DEAD GIVEAWAY.
DAMN. AND I THOUGHT I'D FINALLY
CONCOCTED THE PERFECT DISGUISE.
DON'T LET OLIVIA
FOOL YOU, DENNIS.
BENEATH THE BITING WIT IS A
VERY CHARMING YOUNG WOMAN.
WAY BENEATH.
BARBARA! OLIVIA!
IT'S WONDERFUL TO SEE YOU
AFTER SO LONG.
ALICIA.
WELL, THIS PLACE
REALLY IS...AMAZING.
DID RICHARD GIVE YOU THE TOUR
OR DID HE KEEP YOU
WAITING IN THE FOYER?
OH, WELL, WE WANTED
TO CHECK IN FIRST,
BUT WE WERE HOPING
MAYBE YOU COULD SHOW US
THE WAY
TO THE FRONT DESK.
OK, I'LL ADMI IT'S NO COTTAGE,
BUT WE CALL IT HOME.
WATCH OUT!
CELIA!
AAH!
CELIA!
CELIA, I'VE TOLD YOU
100 TIMES
NOT TO DO I IN THE HOUSE.
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
YOU MUST BE MORE CAREFUL.
I AM SO SORRY.
YEAH, YEAH.
LISTEN, COULD I, UM--
I'M SURE THERE'S SOMETHING
IN MY MOTHER'S CLOSET--
YOUR MOTHER?
SHE LEAVES CLOTHES HERE
SO SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO CAR THEM
BACK AND FORTH FROM ARGENTINA.
HMM. WELL, ISN'T THA LUCKY FOR ME?
IT SURE IS.
COME WITH ME.
OF COURSE,
WHAT WE DIDN'T REALIZE
IS THAT CELIA WOULD APPEAR
AT THE END OF THE PROGRAM,
SO AFTER
4 VIOLIN PLAYERS,
2 TAP DANCERS,
AND A CLARINET SOLO,
WE FINALLY GET TO HEAR
MY JUNIOR POP STAR
SING FOR ONCE
IN MY LIFE.
AND GRANTED, WE'RE PARTIAL,
BUT CELIA WAS THE HI OF THE TALENT SHOW.
MAYBE WE CAN COAX HER INTO
A PERFORMANCE AFTER DINNER.
EVERYTHING'S NEGOTIABLE,
UNCLE DENNIS.
[EVERYONE CHUCKLES]
OLIVIA, YOU'VE BARELY TOUCHED
YOUR OSSO BUCO.
THAT'S BECAUSE
I'M A VEGETARIAN.
I AM SO SORRY.
NO ONE TOLD ME.
SHE'S JOKING. OLIVIA,
TELL THEM YOU'RE JOKING.
OF COURSE I'M JOKING.
WRONG ONE.
EXCUSE ME?
BIG FORK, MAIN COURSE.
MEDIUM SIZED, SALAD.
LITTLE FORK, DESSERT.
EVERYONE KNOWS THAT.
WELL...
WHAT DO YOU CALL THE ONE
I STICK BETWEEN MY EYES?
I DON'T GET IT.
OH, I WAS JUS BEING SARCASTIC.
IT MEANS
YOU SAY SOMETHING
BUT YOU MEAN
THE OPPOSITE.
DUH!
WORD IS YOU ARE
ON YOUR WAY TO LAW SCHOOL.
THAT'D BE THE EARLY WORD.
REALLY? SO YOU HAVEN' NARROWED DOWN YOUR CHOICES?
BARBARA,
HAVE I MENTIONED
THAT I JUST LOVE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING?
IT'S GREAT.
WELL,
IF YOU AREN'T TOO CAUGHT UP WITH SCHOOL,
WE WERE HOPING YOU'D JOIN US
NEXT WEEKEND AT THE BEACH HOUSE.
IF YOU CAME, I'D HAVE
SOMEONE TO PLAY WITH.
OH, WELL, WHEN YOU
PUT IT THAT WAY, UM...
I'LL HAVE TO THINK
ABOUT IT.
[PIANO PLAYS]
FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE
I HAVE SOMEONE WHO NEEDS ME
SOMEONE I'VE NEEDED SO LONG
FOR ONCE UNAFRAID,
I CAN GO WHERE LIFE LEADS ME
SOMEHOW I KNOW
I'LL BE STRONG
I'M STUCK BETWEEN HELL AND
WHATEVER MIGHT BE WORSE.
I JUST CAN'T GET OUT OF HERE, JOE.
I'M SORRY.
LISTEN, I GOTTA GO.
I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.
YOUR MOTHER TOLD ME ABOUT THE
DASHING TEACHING ASSISTANT.
YEAH. HE HELPS ME
WITH MY HOMEWORK,
SO IT SAVES YOU FROM
HAVING TO PAY FOR A TUTOR.
WANT TO TURN OFF
THE SARCASM MACHINE
FOR JUST A SECOND, OLIVIA?
THE CLINICAL TERM
IS LONG STANDING ANCHOR.
YOU KNOW,
THINGS CHANGE, OLIVIA.
PEOPLE CHANGE.
IF YOU DON'T MIND,
I WANT TO CATCH THE END
OF YOUR DAUGHTER'S RECITAL.
OLIVIA.
IS THIS REALLY
ABOUT A BOYFRIEND?
I WANTED TO DISCUSS
WHAT APPEARS TO BE YOUR
INDIFFERENCE TO LAW SCHOOL.
YOU KNOW,
LAST TIME I CHECKED,
MY FUTURE
WAS STILL MY DECISION.
AND NOT GIVING ANY THOUGH TO LONG TERM GOALS,
THAT IS THE AC OF AN OVER-IMPULSIVE PERSON.
WHAT, LIKE MY MOTHER?
I ALWAYS BELIEVED
YOU HAD LOFTIER AMBITIONS
THAN POSING FOR THE COVER OF THE
SPORTS ILLUSTRATED BATHING SUIT ISSUE.
WELL, JUST SO YOU KNOW,
I DID GIVE LAW SCHOOL
A GREAT DEAL OF THOUGHT.
AND WHAT SWAYED YOU
AGAINST IT?
I HATE WHAT BECOMING AN
ATTORNEY DOES TO PEOPLE.
OLIVIA...
MAYBE WE COULD
DISCUSS THE FUTURE
UNDER DIFFEREN CIRCUMSTANCES, HMM?
ALICIA'S INVITATION TO JOIN OUR
FAMILY NEXT WEEKEND STILL STANDS.
OUR FAMILY. WOW.
I'M SORRY. THAT WAS
A BAD CHOICE OF WORDS.
NO, YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU
WANT ME TO COME ALONG
SO I CAN PLAY CANDYLAND
WITH CELIA
WHILE YOU AND ALICIA
PARTY ON. NO, THANKS.
THAT WASN'T MY REASON AT ALL.
I'M BUSY, RICHARD.
I'VE ALREADY MADE PLANS.
MAYBE ANOTHER TIME
SOON, THEN, HMM?
YEAH.
YEAH, SOME OTHER TIME SOON.
HELP ME SWING.
SURE.
WHY SHOULDN'T WE BOTH
GET PUSHED AROUND?
SO HOW ARE WE
RELATED AGAIN?
WE'RE SISTERS.
HALF-SISTERS, IF YOU
WANT TO GET TECHNICAL.
TOP OR BOTTOM HALF?
IT'S A LITTLE MORE
COMPLICATED THAN THAT.
JENNY AND CHER FRANCONI
ARE SISTERS,
BUT THEY LIVE TOGETHER.
WELL, WELCOME TO
THE 21st CENTURY FAMILY.
HIGHER!
AND PLEASE,
FOR YOUR OWN SAKE,
NO LATE PAPERS.
AND WE'RE CHOOSING
AMONG THE MILLER'S TALE,
THE MONK'S TALE,
AND THE COOK'S TALE.
AHEM.
JUST SOMETHING
TO BE SAID
I GOT 20.
HERE WE GO.
CALLING OUT THE FEELING
BUT I NEED
SOMETHING MORE
THAT'S OK.
WE'LL PLAY AGAIN.
SOMETHING MORE
IT'S OVER 200 YEARS OLD,
AND IT SITS IN THE MIDDLE
OF A VINEYARD.
ALL THAT'S MISSING IS
ELECTRICITY AND RUNNING WATER.
IT'S 15 MINUTES
OUTSIDE OF FLORENCE.
THE PROFESSOR WHO LIVES THERE
IS GOING ON A BOOK TOUR,
SO HE'S LETTING ME STAY THERE FOR,
LIKE, NEXT TO NOTHING.
WELL, IT SOUNDS LIKE
EVERYTHING IS...PERFECT.
YOU DON'T SOUND SO CONVINCED.
I KNOW WHAT'S COMING.
THE "WE SHOULD DATE OTHER
PEOPLE WHILE I'M AWAY" SPEECH.
OVER AND DONE.
WELL, IF TOTAL HONESTY
IS WHAT YOU WANT,
WHY DON'T WE LAY
ALL OUR CARDS ON THE TABLE?
DATE WHOEVER YOU WANT.
I DON'T CARE.
I WANT YOU TO COME WITH ME.
WHAT?
I WANT YOU TO COME WITH ME.
[LAUGHS]
THAT'S NOT EXACTLY
THE RESPONSE I WAS LOOKING FOR.
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
NO, I'M MESSING WITH YOU.
ITALY?
YOU'VE HEARD OF IT, RIGHT?
BUT-- BUT--
I KNOW. I HEARD THE WHOLE
"I'M GONNA GET DUMPED" PART.
DON'T EVER GO
INTO MIND READING.
WHAT HAPPENED TO KEEPING
OUR RELATIONSHIP LIGHT?
YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE RIGHT.
FORGET I ASKED.
NO--
NO, NO, NO.
IT WAS A STUPID IDEA.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
HEY, BETSY.
STOP. THAT'S NOT--
YOU WANNA GO ON
THE ADVENTURE OF A LIFETIME?
OH!
YOU KNEW I'D SAY YES.
I READ MINDS
BETTER THAN YOU DO.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
IT'S MY MOTHER.
NOT COMING WITH US.
BARBARA, YOU CAN'T COME TO ITALY.
IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?
[LAUGHS]
WAIT A SECOND, BARBARA.
CALM DOWN.
WAIT. SLOW DOWN.
I CAN'T--
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WHAT?
RICHARD ALWAYS DROVE
SO FAST.
THEY WERE ON THEIR WAY
TO THE BEACH HOUSE.
RICHARD...
ALICIA...
NOW HE'S GONE, LIVVY.
THEY'RE GONE.
WHAT ABOUT CELIA?
I ASSUMED
SHE WAS WITH THEM.
ALL RIGHT, WHO CALLED YOU?
WHO DID YOU TALK TO?
THAT LAWYER
WE MET AT RICHARD'S. UM...
DENTON. CLONE.
DENNIS KLINE?
WHATEVER. I THINK HE WAS
CHECKING ME OUT AT DINNER.
MAYBE YOU
SHOULD CALL HIM.
DID HE LEAVE A NUMBER?
Dennis: HELLO.
IT'S OLIVIA MARTIN.
LISTEN, I'M SORRY TO CALL SO LATE.
NO, NO.
IT'S NOT A PROBLEM.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
I'M FINE.
BARBARA JUST DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO CELIA.
IF...SHE...
YOUR SISTER'S OK.
SHE HAD A SLEEPOVER
PARTY THIS WEEKEND
AND DIDN'T WAN TO MISS IT.
SO SHE'S THERE NOW?
SHE'S GONE HOME.
THE HOUSEKEEPER'S
GOING TO STAY
UNTIL ALICIA'S PARENTS ARRIVE FROM
BUENOS AIRES SOMETIME LATE TOMORROW.
OK, GREAT. THEN
SHE'S TAKEN CARE OF.
WHY DON'T YOU
GIVE HER A CALL?
WHAT WOULD I SAY?
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU COULD START WITH
EVERYTHING'S GOING
TO BE OK.
LIKE THAT'S GOING TO HELP.
THINGS CHANGED FOR US ALL TONIGHT,
OLIVIA.
SHE BARELY KNOWS ME.
I SUGGES HANG IN THERE, OK?
AND, UM, NOT THA IT CHANGES ANYTHING,
BUT I'M VERY SORRY
FOR YOUR LOSS.
YOUR DAD SURE HAD
A LOT OF FRIENDS.
CLIENTS.
HMM?
OK, EITHER SLOW DOWN
ON THE WINE
OR JUST SPEED UP AND
FALL DOWN ALREADY.
I'M A WIDOW.
YOU COULD SHOW A LITTLE RESPECT.
PLEASE TELL ME YOU HAVEN' MENTIONED THE WIDOW THING
TO ANYBODY BUT ME,
'CAUSE I BE BEING AN EX-WIFE
OF 18 YEARS
DOESN'T EXACTLY QUALIFY YOU
UNDER WEBSTER'S DEFINITION.
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR YOU TO BE
ON MY SIDE JUST THIS ONCE?
MM, IT'S POSSIBLE.
NOT PROBABLE,
BUT POSSIBLE.
ANYBODY CARE FOR A REFILL?
DON'T COME BACK
WITHOUT THE BOTTLE, HMM?
HAVE YOU TALKED TO
ALICIA'S PARENTS YET?
JUST A BIT,
BUT BETWEEN THE SHOCK AND
THE LONG PLANE FLIGHT,
THEY ACT LIKE THEY'RE
HAVING A REALLY TOUGH TIME.
WELL, EVERYONE HERE IS,
LIVVY.
YA THINK?
EVERYONE BUT YOU.
I'M DEALING WITH THIS
IN MY OWN WAY.
WHAT, BY SHOWING
NO EMOTION AT ALL?
I HATE TO BREAK I TO YOU, SWEETIE,
BUT YOU'RE A LOT MORE
LIKE YOUR FATHER
THAN YOU'D EVER CARE
TO ADMIT.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
ONE SECOND.
MY MOM AND DAD DIED.
I KNOW,
AND I'M REALLY, REALLY SORRY.
I HAVE TO GO
TO THE BATHROOM.
OH, RIGHT.
IT'S ALL YOURS.
OLIVIA.
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
I'M FINE.
NO ONE WOULD THINK ANY LESS
OF YOU IF YOU WEREN'T.
ONE OF THE MORE UNATTRACTIVE
GENETIC TRAITS RICHARD PASSED ON
WAS THE ABILITY TO MOVE
FORWARD LIKE A SHARK
REGARDLESS OF THE SITUATION.
THEN I DON'T REALLY THINK
YOU KNEW YOUR FATHER.
HIS FAULT, NOT MINE.
LET'S TAKE A WALK, OK?
YOU WANT MY THOUGHTS ON
YOUR NEWEST PAIR OF SHOES?
NO, I COULDN'T TAKE
YOUR BRUTAL HONESTY.
AS EXECUTOR
OF YOUR FATHER'S ESTATE,
I THOUGHT WE SHOULD TALK.
LISTEN, IF EVERYTHING'S
IN CELIA'S NAME,
I'M FINE WITH THAT.
RICHARD DIDN'T OWE ME
ANYTHING.
YOU FATHER WANTED THE TWO TO YOU
TO SHARE IN EVERYTHING EQUALLY,
AND A TRUS WITH SUBSTANTIAL ASSETS
WAS ESTABLISHED
TO ENSURE THAT HAPPENED.
ARE WE TALKING ABOU THE SAME RICHARD MARTIN?
WELL, THERE'S MORE.
OH, WAIT.
LET ME GUESS.
IF I DON'T GO
TO LAW SCHOOL,
I THROW THE
ENTIRE BOOTY AWAY.
MAYBE WE SHOULD
HAVE A SEAT.
THERE IS ANOTHER MATTER
WE NEED TO DISCUSS.
YOUR FATHER AND ALICIA,
IN THEIR WILL,
THEY NAMED YOU
CELIA'S GUARDIAN.
[LAUGHS]
THAT'S A GOOD ONE.
I DON'T EXPECT LAWYERS TO HAVE SOME
WACKED OUT SENSE OF HUMOR, BUT--
NO, OLIVIA.
I'M TOTALLY SERIOUS.
THEY BOTH BELIEVED CELIA WOULD
BE BETTER OFF LEFT IN YOUR CARE.
OH, NO.
NO?
WHAT I MEAN IS
I BARELY KNOW THE GIRL.
BUT CELIA'S YOUR SISTER.
HALF SISTER, AND I SEE HER
MAYBE ONCE A YEAR.
I CAN'T TAKE CARE OF A KID.
I HAVE NEVER KEPT A FISH
ALIVE FOR MORE THAN A WEEK.
OLIVIA, NO ONE IS EXPECTING
YOU TO HANDLE THIS ALONE.
WELL, THE ANSWER IS STILL NO.
WILL YOU THINK ABOUT IT?
I CAN'T. IT'S INSANE.
WELL, SHE'S RIGHT.
I MEAN, OLIVIA
IS MUCH TOO YOUNG
TO TAKE ON THAT KIND
OF RESPONSIBILITY.
COUNSELOR, YOU'VE ME MY MEDDLESOME MOTHER,
WHO NEVER MINDS
HER OWN BUSINESS,
BUT FOR ONCE
MAKES AN EXCELLENT POINT.
YOU'RE 21. YOU'RE YOUNG,
BUT OLD ENOUGH--
SHE CAN BARELY
TAKE CARE OF HERSELF.
AND WHAT ABOU CELIA'S GRANDPARENTS?
I MEAN, I'M SURE THEY WOULD
LOVE TO RAISE A LITTLE GIRL.
THEY LIVE IN
ARGENTINA, AND YES,
THEY WOULD BE HAPPY
TO TAKE HER IF ASKED,
BUT IT WASN'T WHA YOUR FATHER STIPULATED.
BUT WHY WOULD RICHARD AND ALICIA
HAVE DONE THIS WITHOUT ASKING FIRST?
FROM WHAT RICHARD
TOLD ME,
THAT'S WHAT THE WEEKEND AT THE
BEACH WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT.
WELL, THAT DIDN'T WORK OUT THE WAY
HE HAD IT PLANNED, NOW DID IT?
I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T MEAN THA THE WAY IT CAME OUT.
THAT'S OK.
THIS IS A LOT TO TAKE IN
AT ONCE.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
YOU'RE THE ONE SHE
CALLS UNCLE DENNIS.
YES, BUT YOU'RE BLOOD,
AND THE BOTTOM LINE, OLIVIA,
IS YOUR FATHER CHOSE YOU.
YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY THINKING
YOU COULD HANDLE THIS.
WELL, WHAT WOULD
YOU DO, JOE?
I MEAN, THE ONLY OTHER FAMILY
SHE HAS ARE HER GRANDPARENTS.
I'D LET HER GO.
THEY'RE OLD.
THEY LIVE HALF WAY AROUND THE WORLD.
AND RICHARD'S LAWYER AND THE
GUILT TRIP HE LAID ON ME.
SO TELL HIM THA YOU'RE FLATTERED, BUT NO.
I WANTED TO,
BUT I COULD JUST FEEL RICHARD
STARING DOWN AT ME
FROM WHEREVER HE IS
SCREAMING THA IF I DON'T DO THIS,
I'LL ROT IN HELL.
PEOPLE DON'T ROT THERE.
THEY BURN.
YOU'RE A BIG HELP.
THANKS.
SO WHERE DOES THIS
LEAVE ITALY?
OH, MY GOD.
I'M SO SORRY.
IT ALL CAME TO ME
SO FAST I DIDN'T EVEN--
HEY, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
WE'LL JUST LET THINGS PLAY
OUT OVER THE NEXT FEW WEEKS
AND SEE HOW THINGS GO, OK?
MS. MARTIN?
YES?
MR. KLINE IS READY
TO SEE YOU.
I'M SO SORRY
FOR YOUR LOSS.
THANK YOU.
YOUR FATHER
WAS A WONDERFUL MAN.
IN ADDITION TO BEING
THE EXECUTOR
OF RICHARD
AND ALICIA'S ESTATE,
I'M ALSO THE FIDUCIARY OF A TRUS ESTABLISHED FOR YOUR BENEFIT.
WHICH MEANS YOU DANGLE
ALL THE PURSE STRINGS.
WELL, UNTIL YOU TURN 25,
AND THE RESPONSIBILITY
IS HANDED OVER TO YOU.
SO FOR 4 YEARS, CELIA AND I
LIVE ON BREAD AND WATER?
WELL, I'VE ESTABLISHED
A CHECKING ACCOUN AND AN ALLOWANCE TO GIVE
YOU A SENSE OF FREEDOM.
IF YOU NEED TO PURCHASE
SOMETHING MORE SUBSTANTIAL,
WE'LL DISCUSS IT.
WHAT, LIKE A BRAND NEW PORSCHE?
YOU MAKE
A CONVINCING ARGUMENT,
AND I PROMISE TO GIVE I THE ATTENTION IT DESERVES.
OH, NOW HERE ARE
A SET OF KEYS
TO YOUR FATHER'S HOUSE.
NOW I'D LIKE TO GO OVER
A LIST OF ALL THE ASSETS
IN THE TRUST.
DO WE HAVE TO DO THIS
RIGHT NOW?
NO, NOT IF
YOU DON'T WANT TO.
IT'S JUST THA IT'S GETTING LATE
AND I STILL HAVE SO MUCH TO
DO TO GET READY TO MOVE IN.
FINE. WHEN YOU'RE READY,
CALL ME.
WE'VE GOT LOTS OF TIME,
AND I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
THANK YOU.
YOU KNOW, I GREW UP
WITH 3 BROTHERS
AND ALWAYS WANTED
A SISTER.
YOU LENT ME THIS
SOPHOMORE YEAR.
OH, DON'T WORRY
ABOUT IT.
I BORROWED A PAIR OF
YOUR JEANS FRESHMAN YEAR
AND NEVER
GAVE THEM BACK.
I LEFT YOU
THE PHONE NUMBER, RIGHT?
YOU'RE ONLY MOVING
6 MILES.
IT'S NOT LIKE
IT'S ANOTHER UNIVERSE.
NO, IT ONLY FEELS THAT WAY.
[TURNS OFF ENGINE]
[STARTS ENGINE AGAIN]
[SIGHS]
I THOUGHT YOU MIGH BE MORE COMFORTABLE HERE
THAN IN
THE MASTER BEDROOM.
THANK YOU.
IF YOU NEED ANYTHING,
I LEFT MY PHONE NUMBER
ON THE REFRIGERATOR.
OH, YOU MEAN LIKE
YOUR CELL PHONE NUMBER?
THAT WAY IF YOU
GO OUT FOR A SECOND,
I CAN FIND YOU?
NO, I LEFT MY HOME NUMBER.
YOU DON'T LIVE HERE?
DID UNCLE DENNIS EXPLAIN
EVERYTHING TO YOU?
NO. I GUESS HE
DIDN'T GET A CHANCE
TO CROSS ALL THE Ts.
I CLEAN THE HOUSE AND CARE
FOR CELIA DURING THE DAY,
BUT I LEAVE
EVERY DAY AT 6:00
IN ORDER TO CATCH THE BUS.
WELL, WHAT IF
I GOT YOU A CAR?
I DON'T DRIVE.
I'LL PAY FOR LESSONS.
I APPRECIATE THAT,
BUT NO, THANK YOU.
COULD YOU ADD AN EXTRA
HOUR OR TWO TO THE DAY?
I HAVE A FAMILY
OF MY OWN.
DIDN'T MR. KLINE TELL YOU
I NEEDED A FEW DAYS OFF
TO BE WITH THEM?
DAYS?
I HAVEN'T SEEN THEM SINCE...
OH, RIGHT.
OF COURSE. I UNDERSTAND.
IT'S JUST THAT, I MEAN,
THIS IS A REALLY BIG PLACE.
MAYBE YOU'D ALL
LIKE TO MOVE.
MI CASA, SU CASA?
MY CHILDREN GO TO
A DIFFERENT SCHOOL.
I HAVE A LIFE
APART FROM HERE.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO!
I'LL BE GOOD! I PROMISE!
OH, CELIA.
I WANT YOU TO LISTEN
TO YOUR SISTER, OK?
SHE LOVES YOU
VERY MUCH.
NOW YOU
TAKE A DEEP BREATH--
AND HOLD I TILL I PASS OUT?
YOU'LL BOTH BE FINE.
[CLOCK CHIMES]
SO IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S JUST YOU
AND ME LIVING HERE TOGETHER.
UNCLE DENNIS DIDN' GIVE ME ANY CHOICE.
ME NEITHER.
SO WHAT DO YOU NORMALLY DO
AROUND DINNER TIME?
WE EAT.
OH, EXCELLENT.
YOU EAT.
THAT'S BRILLIANT.
HA HA HA. YOU EAT.
WELL, I'M NOT REALLY
MUCH OF A COOK,
BUT I'M SURE THERE'S
SOMETHING THAT'LL WORK.
MY MOM WAS
A REALLY GOOD COOK.
I BET SHE WAS.
BOY, THIS ALL LOOKS
SO...UNPREPARED.
THIS IS LIKE THE
ENTIRE COW, ISN'T IT?
DID YOU GUYS
EVER EAT ANYTHING
THAT YOU JUST POPPED
INTO THE MICROWAVE?
MY MOM THOUGH IT WAS BAD FOR YOU.
WELL, I BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW
THAT BAD, IN SLANG TERMS,
SOMETIMES MEANS GOOD
OR EVEN GREAT.
SURE, I DO,
BUT SHE MEANT THE REAL WAY.
WELL, THERE ARE SOME THINGS THA COME OUT OF A CARDBOARD BOX
THAT I THINK
YOU MIGHT REALLY ENJOY.
LIKE?
SO IS THIS WHAT WE'RE
GOING TO EAT EVERY NIGHT?
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
SOMETIMES I'LL MIX IN
BUTTERSCOTCH SYRUP
INSTEAD OF CHOCOLATE.
I CAN LIVE WITH THAT.
I FIGURED YOU COULD.
DID YOU PUT AWAY
YOUR CLOTHES?
YEP.
NEED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM?
ALREADY WENT.
DID YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH?
BEFORE I PUT ON
MY NIGHTGOWN.
WELL,
MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE TAKING CARE OF ME
INSTEAD OF IT BEING
THE OTHER WAY AROUND.
IS THAT YOU BEING
SARCASTIC AGAIN?
ACTUALLY,
THAT WAS IRONY.
THAT'S WHAT THEY MAKE CARS
OUT OF, RIGHT?
EXACTLY.
SO WHO'S THE RAT?
HIS NAME IS MR. TONTO,
AND HE'S A HAMSTER.
WELL, DOES HE DO
ANY TRICKS?
I WANT TO GO TO BED.
OK.
CAN YOU TURN OFF THE LIGHT?
OH, OK.
I CAN DO THIS.
I CAN DO THIS.
I CAN DO THIS.
Celia: DADDY!
DADDY!
WHAT HAPPENED?
I HAD A BAD DREAM.
OK. EVERYTHING'S OK.
I WAS LOST AND MY DADDY
COULDN'T FIND ME.
YOU'RE OK, OK?
YOU'RE FINE.
IT'S OVER NOW.
IT WASN'T REAL.
IT FELT REAL. CAN'T I
SLEEP WITH YOU TONIGHT?
NO, YOU'LL SLEEP BETTER
IN YOUR OWN BED.
YOU'LL BE FINE.
I PROMISE.
JUST GET SOME SLEEP, OK?
THERE'S NO WAY IN THE WORLD
I CAN POSSIBLY DO THIS.
UHH!
UNLESS THE HOUSE
IS ON FIRE, GO AWAY.
COME ON, WE'RE LATE.
SCHOOL STARTS AT 8:00.
MY CAR KEYS
ARE IN THE KITCHEN.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE
MY SCHOOL CLOTHES ARE.
[SIGHS]
CAN'T ROSAVEL HELP YOU?
SHE'S NOT WORKING
TODAY, REMEMBER?
OH, RIGHT. HER BEING HERE
WHEN SHE'S ACTUALLY NEEDED
WOULD ONLY MAKE SENSE.
SO WHAT SHOULD I
PUT ON?
UH...ANYTHING
NOT COVERED IN MUD.
ANYTHING?
YEAH, I TRUS YOUR FASHION SENSE.
AFTER ALL, WE ARE
GENETICALLY RELATED.
SO WHAT'S YOUR PLAN
AFTER SCHOOL TODAY?
I DON'T HAVE ANY EXTRA
CURRICULAR ACTIVITIES TODAY.
WELL, WE'LL
HAVE TO FIX THAT.
MY SCHEDULE'S ON
THE REFRIGERATOR.
"SCHOOL, ART,
SOCCER, PIANO,
COOKING."
WHAT, NO KARATE?
THAT WAS LAST YEAR.
HOW OLD ARE YOU?
I DIDN'T DO THIS MUCH
WHEN I WAS 7.
WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT?
I DON'T DO THIS MUCH NOW.
CAN WE GO NOW?
I DON'T LIKE TO BE LATE.
BUT I HAVEN'T EVEN MADE
MY COFFEE YET.
MY FATHER SAYS
COFFEE IS FOR WIMPS.
STOP!
WHAT'S WRONG?
YOU FORGOT MY LUNCH.
[DOOR AJAR BELL RINGS]
MR. TONTO.
SHOW AND TELL DAY.
ANYTHING ELSE?
I DON'T THINK SO.
NO GYM CLOTHES? NO HOMEWORK?
NO FOOD FOR THE RAT?
JUST MR. TONTO.
[SIGHS]
OK. OK. GO, GO, GO.
WOW. THIS IS
A FANCY PLACE.
DADDY DIDN'T SEND YOU HERE?
ARE YOU SURE
THIS IS THE RIGHT WAY?
OF COURSE IT IS.
DO YOU THINK I'M AN IDIOT?
WHAT GRADE ARE YOU IN AGAIN?
CELIA. HA HA HA!
WHAT A PLEASANT SURPRISE.
WE MISSED YOU.
I'M SORRY WE'RE LATE.
THE HAMSTER, HE LOS THE DIRECTIONS.
IT'S NOT A PROBLEM.
UH, THE KIDS.
THEY ALL SEEM TO HAVE ON THE
EXACT SAME THING, DON'T THEY?
BECAUSE IT'S A PRIVATE SCHOOL
AND THEY ALL WEAR A UNIFORM.
RIGHT.
THEY'RE NICE.
VERY NICE.
AND WOULD I ALSO
BE CORRECT CONCLUDING
YOU'RE NOT VERY FLEXIBLE
ON THAT 8 A.M. START TIME?
WELL, GENERALLY NO,
BUT I THINK FOR TODAY,
WE CAN MAKE AN EXCEPTION.
I'M CELIA'S TEACHER,
MR. CALHOUN.
THIS IS OLIVIA.
SHE'S MY HALF-SISTER.
IT'S HER FAUL WE'RE LATE.
WELL, IT'S A PLEASURE
MEETING YOU.
RIGHT. YOU, TOO.
WILL YOU PICKING CELIA UP
AFTER SCHOOL TODAY?
YEAH. 3:00 ON THE DOT.
2:00 ON THE DOT.
2:00 ON THE DOT.
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I MEANT.
UM...
OH. THERE.
THANKS.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
HELLO.
Celia: DON'T FORGET TO PICK ME UP.
WILL YOU?
OF COURSE NOT.
PROMISE?
HEY, I GOTTA GO.
THANKS.
FOUND DISRUPTION
IN COGNITION AND EMOTION.
THE ARRAY OF SYMPTOMS,
ALTHOUGH WIDE RANGING,
FREQUENTLY INCLUDES
HEARING INTENTIONAL VOICES.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
HELLO.
I GET OUT AT 2:00.
I SAID I'D BE THERE,
DIDN'T I?
OH. UH, IT'S
THE WRONG NUMBER. SORRY.
NO SINGLE SYMPTOM
IS DEFINITIVE.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
RATHER, THE DIAGNOSIS
ENCOMPASSES A PATTERN
OF SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS.
WE COULD JUST SIT BY
THE HOTEL POOL ALL DAY,
GRAB A BITE FOR DINNER,
AND THEN GO TO BED EARLY.
YEAH, RIGHT.
EARLY IN THE MORNING.
COME ON. THE GIRL'S
BEEN THROUGH A LOT.
I'M IN.
GREAT. YOUR
GOING OUT OF TOWN
JUST MAKES IT EASIER
FOR ME TO SAY GOOD-BYE
TO ALL MY OTHER GIRLFRIENDS.
IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL
ANY BETTER,
I WON'T LET HER DO ANYTHING
I WOULDN'T DO.
I'M NOT EVEN
GOING TO GO THERE.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
IT'S MINE.
JOE LOUDEN.
MY PHONE.
RELAX. YOU CAN USE MINE
WHEN I'M DONE.
NO, I LEFT I IN PSYCH CLASS.
WHAT TIME IS IT?
IT'S 3:15.
UGH! I GOTTA RUN!
WHAT'S UP?
I'LL CALL YOU LATER.
I'M SO SORRY I'M LATE.
THE TRAFFIC WAS JUS UNBELIEVABLE.
WE'RE ALL ADJUSTING
TO A NEW SITUATION.
I GUESS.
IF YOU DON'T MIND MY ASKING,
HOW ARE THINGS GOING?
HONESTLY?
I'M OVERWHELMED.
I'M LOS IN THIS HUGE HOUSE,
I HAVE NO CLUE HOW TO
TAKE CARE OF THIS KID,
AND MY BOYFRIEND IS LEAVING
THE COUNTRY WITHOUT ME.
I MEANT WITH CELIA.
OH.
OH, SHE'S HANGING
IN THERE.
I HOPE.
Man on radio: AND IT LOOKS LIKE
ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL COUPLE OF DAYS
FOR US IN THE REGION.
YOU NEVER GOT STUCK
IN TRAFFIC BEFORE?
LOWS IN THE UPPER SIXTIES,
AND THERE'S NO--
[TURNS OFF RADIO]
ALL RIGHT, HOW MANY MORE
TIMES DO I HAVE TO APOLOGIZE
BEFORE YOU FORGIVE ME?
COME ON. 100 MORE?
1,000 MORE?
A MILLION, BILLION,
GAZILLION MORE?
YOU MAY NOT KNOW THIS,
BUT THERE ARE
LOTS AND LOTS OF PEOPLE
WHO THINK I'M FUNNY.
AND I GUESS THERE ARE
SOME WHO DON'T.
[SNIFFING]
CAN'T ANYONE CLEAN UP
FOR THEMSELVES AROUND HERE?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
MY MOMMY AND I WERE MAKING THAT.
YOU CAN'T TOUCH IT!
OK. OK. I DIDN'T KNOW.
GET OUT!
I DIDN'T KNOW.
MOMMY'S THE ONLY PERSON
BESIDES ME ALLOWED TO TOUCH IT.
I'M SORRY.
GET OUT OF MY ROOM!
[SIGHS]
HEY, IT'S ME.
NO, NOTHING'S
THE MATTER.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS THINK
THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG?
OK, IF YOU WEREN' DOING ANYTHING,
IT WOULD BE OK IF YOU...
WANTED TO COME OVER
FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
I JUST THOUGHT IT WOULD BE
NICE TO HAVE SOME COMPANY.
OK.
[SIGHS]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
WHERE'S THE RUNT?
WATCHING TV.
MY BAGS
ARE IN THE TRUNK.
BAGS?
OK, LITTLE GIRL.
LOOKS LIKE I'LL BE SHACKING
UP HERE FOR A WHILE,
BUT I HAVE ONE GROUND
RULE BEFORE I UNPACK.
LIKE?
YOU CAN CALL ME "B"
OR BARBS OR BARBARA,
BUT NEVER GRANDMA.
YOU'RE NOT MY GRANDMA.
PERFECT.
WE'RE GOING TO DO
JUST FINE.
WOW.
IT'S LIKE THE TEMPLE OF VOGUE.
DID I GET AMNESIA?
BECAUSE I DON'T REMEMBER
ASKING YOU TO MOVE IN.
CAN YOU JUST DROP THE WHOLE
"I'VE GOT IT ALL UNDER CONTROL" ACT?
HOW'S CELIA DOING?
FINE.
JUST HAVE TO KNOW
HOW TO TALK TO A CHILD.
SO YOU BASICALLY
TALK TO HER
LIKE SHE WAS
ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS?
YOU'RE WELCOME.
I WAS GETTING THERE.
YEAH, I CAN TELL.
ALL RIGHT,
HOW'D YOU DO IT?
I JUST TOLD HER THA IF SHE BEHAVED HERSELF,
YOU'D GIVE HER HORSEBACK
RIDING LESSONS.
WELL, I'M THINKING THAT BRIBERY IS
NOT THE BEST WAY TO HANDLE HER.
ALL RIGHT, FINE.
YOU KNOW, MS. PSYCHOLOGY MINOR,
NEXT TIME,
YOU DEAL WITH IT, OK?
WHERE DO I GET A HORSE?
[LAUGHING]
HI!
YOU'RE ON TIME.
WHAT'S WRONG?
I WOULDN'T KNOW
WHERE TO START.
READY?
OH.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
[PARENTS SHOUTING
ENCOURAGEMENT]
THIS WILL NEVER WORK.
IT'S JUST A WRONG FIT.
AND THESE MOMS WAITING
FOR THEIR KIDS AT SCHOOL.
THEY LOOK LIKE THEY JUST STEPPED
OUT OF A SHAMPOO COMMERCIAL.
Celia: OW!
HOW WAS THE LAMBDA CHI PARTY?
PLEASE TELL ME IT SUCKED.
WELL, I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU
ON A GIRLS WEEKEND AWAY.
OH, CELIA? NO, NO, NO.
I'M SICING BARBARA ON KID DUTY.
EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.
YOUR DAUGHTER--
SHE'S DOWN.
I'M SORRY?
YOUR DAUGHTER,
SHE'S HURT.
OH, I DON'T HAVE
A DAUGHTER.
WELL, THE LITTLE GIRL
YOU BROUGHT TO THE GAME,
SHE COULD PROBABLY
USE YOUR HELP.
[CELIA CRYING]
[SIGHS]
HOW'S THE RUNT'S
SHOULDER?
IF ONLY BANDAGES COULD FIX EVERYTHING
THAT'S HURTING AROUND HERE.
I'D BE MORE WORRIED
ABOUT THAT GUY
THINKING YOU WERE
HER MOTHER.
WHY? I TAKE HER TO SCHOOL,
I DROP HER OFF AT PRACTICE.
MEN DON'T NOTICE
THINGS LIKE THAT.
MY GUESS IS HE WAS
CHECKING OUT YOUR ASS.
[GASP] DO I HAVE
A MOTHER'S ASS?
NO. NO, NO, NO.
MAYBE IT WOULDN'T HUR TO SHED A POUND OR TWO.
OH, YEAH. THAT'S
A BIG HELP, BARBARA. THANKS.
I TRY.
GOOD, BECAUSE I WAN TO ASK YOU FOR A FAVOR.
SURE. ANYTHING.
I NEED YOU TO BABYSI CELIA THIS WEEKEND.
BETSY AND I WERE PLANNING
TO GET OUT OF TOWN,
AND I REALLY NEED TO GO.
ANYTHING BUT THAT.
I'M HOOKING UP WITH MY PALS
AT THAT SPA IN TAOS
FOR A FEW DAYS.
BUT I THOUGHT YOU WERE
HERE TO HELP ME.
BUT I'VE ALREADY
BEEN HELPFUL.
BESIDES, IF I CANCEL
NOW, I LOSE MY DEPOSIT.
THAT'S IT. I AM A THE END OF MY ROPE.
YOU WANNA BET?
WHAT NOW?
HAMSTERS DON'T USUALLY
SLEEP ON THEIR BACKS
DURING THE DAY, DO THEY?
OH, NO.
OH, YES.
OK, "HAIR,
HAIR SUPPLIES, HALLS,
"HANDICAP,
HANDWRITING ANALYSIS,
HANDYMAN, HARDWARE-- " HAMSTERS.
THERE'S NO HAMSTERS.
TRY "P" FOR PETS.
HOW DO YOU SURVIVE?
IT'S PAST 6:00. NOTHING
IS GOING TO BE OPEN.
CELIA'S PARENTS DIED
TWO WEEKS AGO.
I CAN'T LET HER LOSE
A HAMSTER, TOO.
WELL, WHAT IF SHE ASKS
ABOUT THE RODENT?
JUST DO
WHAT YOU DO BEST:
MAKE SOMETHING UP.
HI. I'M LOOKING FOR A GRAY
HAMSTER WITH WHITE SPECKS,
AND A REALLY PINK NOSE.
NO, NO, NO. I DON' WANT A ROTTWEILER.
NO, NOT A GARDEN SNAKE,
EITHER.
[SIREN]
OH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.
NO, NO, NO.
I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU.
LOOK, I NEED A HAMSTER.
A FURRY LITTLE GRAY ONE,
PREFERABLY BREATHING.
[SIREN]
YOU DON'T SELL THEM?
WELL, YOU SHOULD. BYE!
YOU WENT THROUGH
A STOP SIGN.
MY SISTER'S HAMSTER DIED.
LICENSE AND
REGISTRATION, PLEASE.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
WHAT?
Barbara: ANY LUCK?
YES, BUT ALL BAD.
1122 PRICE STREET.
Olivia: WHAT?
I FOUND YOUR HAMSTER
IN A PET STORE.
OH, THAT'S TERRIFIC.
BUT IT'S GOING
TO COST YOU $200.
IS IT MADE OF GOLD?
I CAUGHT THE OWNER
AS HE WAS LEAVING.
HE SAID HE'D STAY OPEN,
BUT ONLY FOR A HAMSTER PREMIUM.
THAT'S BLACKMAIL.
FINE. THEN YOU COME HOME
AND WE'LL JUS REVIVE MR. TONTO.
OHHH!
OK, TELL HIM
I'M ON MY WAY.
HAS CELIA NOTICED
ANYTHING?
NO. SHE'S RIGHT HERE.
WE'RE PLAYING SUPERMODEL.
OH, GREAT. SO YOU'RE
TEACHING HER TO STARVE
AND PARTY THROUGHOUT THE
NIGHT AND ACT LIKE A DIVA?
ACTUALLY, WE'RE WORKING
ON MATH.
SHE'S ADDING RUNWAY PAYCHECKS
AND PHOTO SHOOT FEES,
FIGURING OUT HOW MUCH
SHE CAN GROSS IN A WEEK.
BARBARA--
I'M SERIOUS. I'VE EVEN GOT HER
SUBTRACTING OUT COMMISSIONS.
THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
IN CASE YOU HADN' REALIZED IT,
I SPECIALIZE
IN CRISIS MANAGEMENT.
BYE.
OFFICER, THERE REALLY IS
A DEAD HAMSTER.
THERE ALWAYS IS.
YOU HAVE A NICE DAY.
WE ARE BLINDLY BORN
WITH A FACE QUITE UNKNOWN
WE CAN LEARN SO MUCH
ABOUT NOTHING YOU WANT TO DO
BUT IT'S THE RIGHT PATH
AND I'M FEELING SO BITTER
'CAUSE MY RIGHT PATH
IS SO HARD, BROKE DOWN...
OH, YES!
GOOD JOB.
THANKS.
I'M SHOOTING
KIND OF HIGH, I KNOW
AND I'M FEELING SO DARN LOW
SORRY.
GREAT.
SO WHEN LAERTES
LETS HAMLET DOWN
IN THE GRAVE DIGGER'S
SCENE--
HORATIO LETS HAMLET DOWN.
OH, RIGHT. OF COURSE.
HORATIO.
ARE YOU SURE?
THIS IS PRETTY SIMPLE STUFF.
WELL, I'M SORRY,
BUT BETWEEN PLAYING CHAUFFEUR
AND BRAT NANNY, I'VE
FALLEN TWO ACTS BEHIND.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
GETTING COOKIES.
NOT A CHANCE.
YOU ALREADY HAD SOME.
WELL, I WANT MORE.
WELL, HAVE AN APPLE.
IT'S BETTER FOR YOU.
BUT I WANT A COOKIE.
GREAT. TRY THE RED
ROUND ONES WITH A STEM.
IS HE YOUR BOYFRIEND?
THIS IS JOE.
HELLO.
JOE, CAN I HAVE A COOKIE?
CELIA, GET OUT OF HERE.
OK, WHERE WERE WE?
AHEM. HORATIO.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
CELIA,
TURN THE TV DOWN.
YOU'VE GOT TO CALM DOWN.
LOOK.
WOW. BETSY REALLY SEEMS
TO BE ENJOYING HERSELF.
YEAH, AND I'M STUCK HERE
BABYSITTING A RUNT.
[TV CONTINUES]
CELIA!
WHAT PART OF TURN THE TV
DOWN DIDN'T YOU UNDERSTAND?
SHH.
DON'T YOU HAVE
HOMEWORK TO DO?
IT'S THE WEEKEND.
WELL, I DON'T CARE.
TURN IT OFF
AND GET IT DONE.
WHY?
BECAUSE I SAID SO.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST CHILL?
EXCUSE ME?
THAT'S WHAT YOU'D SAY
TO BARBARA.
NEWS FLASH, LITTLE GIRL:
YOU'RE NOT ME,
AND I'M NOT YOUR 24/7 SERVANT.
WHEN I ASK YOU TO DO
SOMETHING, I WANT IT DONE.
DO YOU BOSS YOUR BOYFRIEND
AROUND LIKE THIS, TOO?
YOU'RE A SPOILED LITTLE BRAT.
WELL, YOU'RE
A REALLY BIG ONE.
GO TO YOUR ROOM.
NO.
I SAID GO.
A REAL SISTER WOULD NEVER
TREAT ME LIKE THIS.
WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD, BECAUSE I'M
THE CLOSEST THING THAT YOU'VE GOT.
MY MOM AND DAD WOULDN'T HAVE
ACTED LIKE THIS, EITHER.
GO UPSTAIRS
TO YOUR ROOM RIGHT NOW
OR I SWEAR I WILL
GROUND YOU FOR A MONTH.
I SAID GO UPSTAIRS
TO YOUR ROOM.
Celia: DON'T TELL ME
WHAT TO DO.
CELIA, THIS ATTITUDE
ISN'T GOING TO PLAY.
CELIA!
CELIA, I--
YOU SOUNDED
EXACTLY LIKE MY MOM.
[CHUCKLES]
IT WAS SURREAL.
I'M SUPPOSED TO BE STUDYING TRAGEDY,
NOT LIVING ONE.
IT IS SAD TO SEE
A LIFE EXTINGUISHED
AT SO YOUNG AN AGE.
CELIA'S OR MINE?
BOTH.
YOU NEED TOOLS TO RAISE A KID.
I HAVE NONE.
PARENTS NEED PATIENCE.
I HAVE NONE.
I'M SO IN OVER MY HEAD
HERE, AND...
CELIA WOULD BE BETTER OFF
BEING RAISED BY WOLVES.
WELL, SHE SAID IT BEST.
YOU'RE NOT HER MOTHER.
YOU KNOW, THERE IS A SIMPLE
SOLUTION TO THIS LITTLE PROBLEM.
SUICIDE?
NO, I'D SCREW THAT UP.
TRY THESE INSTEAD.
CDs.
ITALIAN LANGUAGE CDs.
JEWELRY WOULD HAVE BEEN
MUCH MORE ROMANTIC.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
ITALIAN'S THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE.
FRENCH IS THE LANGUAGE
OF LOVE.
YEAH, WELL, GIVE ME SOME SLACK.
THEY SHARE A BORDER.
YOU LEARN THE LANGUAGE.
WHAT, FOR OUR LONG
DISTANCE PHONE CALLS?
SO YOU CAN BLOW OU OF HERE WHEN I DO.
BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T,
YOU ARE GOING TO LOSE
WHAT LITTLE MIND
YOU'VE GOT LEFT.
JOE, WE'VE BEEN
THROUGH THIS.
OLIVIA, WHO ARE YOU HELPING
BY STAYING HERE?
BELIEVE IT OR NOT,
YOU DESERVE
SOME HAPPINESS, TOO.
WELL, I THINK
IF GOING TO ITALY
IS GOING TO MAKE YOU HAPPY,
THEN YOU SHOULD DO IT.
DO YOU MEAN THAT?
ABSOLUTELY.
IT'S TOO GOOD AN
OPPORTUNITY TO PASS UP.
AND YOU'LL BE OK
WITHOUT ME?
AFTER SOME
INTENSIVE THERAPY,
I THINK I CAN FIGURE OU HOW TO SURVIVE.
BUT THERE IS
ONE CONDITION.
I ALREADY PROMISED I'D COME
BACK AND GRADUATE FROM COLLEGE.
FORGET THAT. I NEED
YOUR OPEN INVITATION
TO COME AND VISI WHENEVER I WANT.
OH, I'VE ALREADY NOTIFIED
THE ITALIAN EMBASSY.
THEY HAVE STRICT ORDERS TO
TURN YOU AWAY AT THE BORDER.
THAT'S VERY FUNNY.
OH, NO.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT.
ROSAVEL'S GOING TO GE EVERYTHING READY FOR PICKUP.
HEY, IT SAVES ME
A TRIP TO THE GYM.
I STILL WONDER IF WE'RE
DOING THE RIGHT THING.
LOOK, SOONER OR LATER,
THESE CLOTHES HAVE GOT TO GO.
CELIA WILL UNDERSTAND.
I MEAN, THE MONEY THEY COULD
RAISE FROM ALICIA'S SHOES ALONE
COULD END WORLD HUNGER.
I BOUGHT THIS TIE
FOR YOUR FATHER.
HE WORE IT THE DAY
HE GRADUATED LAW SCHOOL.
DO YOU THINK, UM...
HE'D BE ANGRY IF I KEPT IT?
HE'D BE ANGRY
IF YOU DIDN'T.
[SIGHS] OK.
YEAH. OK.
SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO
DO ONCE YOU GET THERE?
THE FIRST THING
I'M GOING TO DO
IS TRY AND FORGET THE LAS FEW WEEKS EVER HAPPENED
THEN MAYBE I'LL GET A JOB.
OR STOMPING GRAPES.
WELL, I JUS WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT I AM
INCREDIBLY JEALOUS.
I CAN'T EVEN GE MY BOYFRIEND
TO TAKE ME TO SEE
A FELLINI FILM.
[CHUCKLES]
HEY, ISN'T THAT HIM?
TIME TO CLOSE THE DEAL.
NEED BACKUP?
NO, BUT THANKS FOR ASKING.
EVENING.
THANKS FOR COMING ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE,
COUNSELOR.
JEEZ, I MISS COLLEGE.
ME, TOO.
SO WHAT WAS SO URGEN THAT I HAD TO CANCEL AN
EXHILARATING TAX SHELTER SEMINAR?
I WANTED YOU TO KNOW
THAT THIS IS WHO I AM.
I ALREADY KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
NO, YOU THINK YOU DO,
BUT YOU DON'T, REALLY.
OK.
LOOK, I'M A KID,
COUNSELOR.
YOU'RE GIVING UP CUSTODY?
I'M A KID WHO'D
RATHER BE OUT DANCING
OR AT A PARTY
TILL 4:00 IN THE MORNING
INSTEAD OF TUCKING
A 7-YEAR-OLD IN BY 8:00.
I SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT MIDTERMS,
NOT A MID-LIFE CRISIS.
I HAVE GREAT FRIENDS
I NEVER SEE ANYMORE,
AND I HAD A LIFE
I LOVED.
AND NOW I'M LIVING A LIFE
I'M STARTING TO HATE.
DID YOU THINK
THIS WOULD BE EASY?
NO, I THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE,
REMEMBER?
AND CELIA'S
NO HAPPIER THAN I AM.
SO YOU'RE BAILING ON HER BECAUSE
YOU HIT A BUMP IN THE ROAD?
RICHARD'S DYING WASN' A BUMP IN THE ROAD.
HAVING MY LIFE TURNED UPSIDE
DOWN WASN'T A BUMP IN THE ROAD.
OLIVIA, THAT IS NO WHAT I MEANT.
YOU'RE JUST QUITTING NOW BEFORE GIVING
THIS A CHANCE IT REALLY DESERVES.
THAT'S NOT FAIR.
YOU ALWAYS KNEW THIS WAS A POSSIBILITY.
I'LL CONTAC CELIA'S GRANDPARENTS
AND HANDLE
ALL THE PAPERWORK.
HOW ARE YOU
GOING TO TELL HER?
OH, I'M NOT.
THAT'S ONE DETAIL YOU'VE
GOT TO HANDLE FOR YOURSELF.
CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING?
NO. NO, THANK YOU.
WE'RE DONE HERE.
BUT YOU MIGHT WAN TO CHECK THIS ONE'S I.D.
APPARENTLY SHE'S NO AN ADULT AFTER ALL.
MADAME.
WHEN'S OLIVIA
COMING HOME?
I'M NOT SURE.
SHE HAD TO TAKE CARE OF A FEW THINGS.
LIKE WHAT?
GROWNUP STUFF.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
TRYING TO FIGURE OU WHERE BABIES COME FROM.
WHY?
BECAUSE THIS KID
IN MY CLASS, YALE,
HE SAID MY PARENTS FOUND
ME INSIDE A POT ROAST.
WELL, THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
SO WHERE DO BABIES
COME FROM?
SO I WAS THINKING
THAT TONIGH WE COULD ORDER IN
WHATEVER YOU WANT FOR DINNER.
WHY?
WHY DOES THERE
HAVE TO BE A REASON?
BECAUSE YOU'RE BEING
SUPER NICE.
I WAS HOPING THA MAYBE WE COULD TALK.
I MEAN, ARE YOU HAPPY
WITH THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING?
I GUESS.
SEE, THAT'S THE THING.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO GUESS,
'CAUSE YOU DESERVE
THE VERY BEST OF EVERYTHING.
LIKE WHERE I WOULD BE
A FLUTE PLAYER?
YEAH, NOT A CHANCE.
MY OWN CELL PHONE?
WHAT? YOU'RE NOT OLD ENOUGH.
WHO ARE YOU GOING TO CALL?
YOU'RE 7.
ALL RIGHT.
I GUESS I WILL, UH...
I'LL PICK YOU UP
AT 2:00.
DON'T BE LATE.
I HAVE NOT BEEN LATE IN WEEKS.
GIVE ME A BREAK.
ARRIVEDERCI.
WHERE DID THA COME FROM?
I HEARD YOU PRACTICING
OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN EXACTLY?
IT MEANS THAT WE'RE
BOTH GOING TO BE LATE.
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
DID YOU PUT THE GRAND
PIANO IN YOUR PACK?
JUST SOMETHING
FOR SHOW AND TELL. BYE.
BYE.
SO RIGHT AFTER
THE MOM AND DAD DO THAT,
MILLIONS OF THINGS
THAT LOOK LIKE POLLYWOGS
HEAD FOR THE MOMMY'S EGG,
USUALLY FINDING I SOMEWHERE IN HER...
FALLOP...
CALLOP...
FALLOPIAN TUBES?
YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS, TOO?
SOME OF IT, YES.
ANYWAYS,
THEN 9 MONTHS LATER,
A LITTLE BABY IS BORN,
AND THAT'S WHERE
WE ALL COME FROM.
NOT FROM A POT ROAS LIKE YALE TOLD EVERYBODY.
ANY QUESTIONS?
READY?
MR. CALHOUN WANTS
TO TALK TO YOU.
WHAT DID YOU DO THIS TIME,
TRY TO SET THE SCHOOL ON FIRE?
I SWEAR TO YOU,
I'M NOT THE ONE
WHO GAVE HER THE
SEX EDUCATION LESSON.
THAT'S NOT ALL.
SHE EVEN BROUGHT IN
A VISUAL AID.
THAT'S MY MOTHER.
YOU'RE KIDDING.
NO, WHICH LEADS ME
TO BELIEVE
SHE'S RESPONSIBLE FOR GIVING
THE IMPROMPTU SCIENCE LESSON.
YOUR MOTHER, HUH?
I WOULD APPRECIATE YOU
NOT GAWKING.
THAT'S BAD MANNERS.
I'M SORRY.
IT'S JUST THAT MY MOTHER, SHE LOOKED...
YOU KNOW...FLABBY.
SHE HAD A MOUSTACHE.
I'M NOT TRYING
TO STIFLE TRUTH,
JUST KEEP SUBJECT MATTER
AGE APPROPRIATE.
WHEN A CHILD ASKS ME
WHERE BABIES COME FROM,
I GENERALLY TELL THEM
CHICAGO.
CHICAGO?
I'M A CUBS FAN.
LISTEN,
I WOULD APPRECIATE I IF YOU JUS KEPT THIS TO YOURSELF,
BUT AT THE END
OF THE SCHOOL YEAR,
CELIA WILL BE MOVING TO ARGENTINA
TO LIVE WITH HER GRANDPARENTS.
OH. SHE HASN'T MENTIONED
ANYTHING.
THAT'S BECAUSE
I HAVEN'T TOLD HER YET.
I JUST HAVEN'T REALLY
FOUND THE RIGHT TIME.
YEAH, WELL, I'M CERTAIN
THIS WAS NOT AN EASY DECISION,
BUT YOU SHOULD KNOW
THAT YOU'VE DONE A GREAT JOB
HELPING CELIA THROUGH
A VERY DIFFICULT TIME.
IF ONLY THAT WERE TRUE.
WHEN SHE CAME BACK
AFTER THE ACCIDENT,
SHE KEPT TO HERSELF,
BARELY SPOKE.
BUT LITTLE BY LITTLE,
SHE'S OPENED UP,
AND TODAY...WELL, TODAY'S
SHE'S TELLING THE WHOLE CLASS
WHERE BABIES COME FROM.
YOU KNOW...
THERE'S A STORY
SHE'S BEEN WORKING ON.
HERE. MAYBE THIS WILL HELP
MAKE A BELIEVER OUT OF YOU.
"ONCE THERE WAS
A CAT NAMED OLIVE
"AND A DOG NAMED CECE.
"ONE BARKED
AND THE OTHER MEOWED,
AND NEITHER KNEW
WHAT THE OTHER WANTED."
[CELIA'S VOICE]
THEY BARELY KNEW EACH OTHER,
AND THEY GOT IN FIGHTS
ALL THE TIME.
BUT THEN THINGS BETWEEN THEM
BEGAN TO CHANGE
AND THEY STARTED
TO FIND THEIR WAY.
HOW DOES
THIS STORY END?
I GUESS
WE'LL FIND OUT, HUH?
READY?
WAS MR. CALHOUN
MEAN TO YOU?
NO. WHY?
BECAUSE YOU LOOK UPSET.
NO. I JUST, UH...
I JUST GOT A LITTLE
CHALK DUST IN MY EYE.
YOU OK?
I'VE GOT TO GO.
WHAT?
IT'S 5:30 IN THE MORNING.
YEAH, BUT WHAT'S CELIA
GOING TO DO
IF SHE WAKES UP
AND I'M NOT THERE?
YOUR MOM CAN POUR SYRUP
ON HER PANCAKES WITHOUT YOU.
AND SHE'S GOT A SOCCER
GAME THIS MORNING.
OLIVIA, BARBARA IS THERE.
SHE CAN HANDLE IT.
IT'S BAD ENOUGH YOU'VE GOT ME
ABANDONING THIS LITTLE GIRL.
I'VE GOT YOU DOING IT?
YEAH, AND NOW YOU WANT TO ADD
CHILD ENDANGERMENT TO THE LIST?
THAT WAS A JOKE.
I GUESS I'VE SORT OF
LOST MY SENSE OF HUMOR
WHERE THIS KID'S
INVOLVED.
ONE MORE WEEK, JOE.
THEN IT'S JUST YOU AND ME.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
[PARENTS SHOUTING
ENCOURAGEMENT]
Olivia: THAT'S IT!
THAT'S IT, CELIA! YOU GOT IT!
THAT'S PERFECT.
OK, GO, GO, GO, GO, GO!
GOOD JOB, CELIA!
I GOT IT!
PERFECT! GO, GO, GO, GO!
THAT'S OK. THAT'S OK.
COME ON, GUYS.
YOU CAN DO IT.
DON'T WORRY.
YOU'LL GET IT NEXT TIME.
JUST KEEP KICKING.
KICK THE BALL!
WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF THAT GUY OVER THERE?
NOT NOW. I'M WATCHING
CELIA PLAY.
IT'S JUST A GAME.
CHECK HIM OUT.
HE'S PERFECT FOR YOU:
DIVORCED AND ATTEMPTING TO RECONCILE.
I'M NOT REALLY LOOKING FOR
A LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP.
WE'RE HERE TO SUPPORT CELIA,
NOT FIND YOU A DINNER DATE. KICK IT!
I'M SORRY,
BUT I HAPPEN TO BE A MULTI-TASKER.
GET READY, CELIA.
GO, CELIA!
[CHEERING]
DID YOU SEE THAT?
I'M SO PROUD OF YOU, CELIA.
WAY TO HANG IN THERE.
HA HA HA HA! YES!
THAT WAS PERFECT.
JUST GO DO IT AGAIN.
OK.
WAS THAT THE MOS AMAZING THING EVER?
WILL YOU STOP?
YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME.
CELIA SCORED A GOAL.
HEY, MY LITTLE SISTER,
SHE SCORED HER FIRST GOAL.
HA HA HA HA!
IS SHE GOING TO DO THIS EVERY
TIME SOMETHING GOOD HAPPENS?
I HOPE NOT.
IT'S EXHAUSTING.
SO HOW DO YOU WAN TO CELEBRATE?
YOU WANT TO GO TO,
LIKE, TOY STORE
OR MAYBE GE SOME VIDEO GAMES
OR KNOCK OVER A BANK?
I'VE GOT A BETTER IDEA.
MY MOM MADE THIS ONE.
IT REALLY IS BEAUTIFUL.
YOU SURE?
OK...
MY DAD WASN'T SO NICE TO
YOU WHEN YOU WERE A KID,
WAS HE?
NO, HE WASN'T, BUT...
SOMETIMES...
SOMETIMES I WASN' VERY NICE TO HIM, EITHER.
LET'S TRY THE TURTLE.
OK.
[SIGHS]
HOW DID CELIA
TAKE THE NEWS?
SHOULD HAVE HAD
A STAMP MADE.
THE REASON I'M ASKING
IS BECAUSE--
I HAVEN'T TOLD HER YET.
I JUST HAVEN'T FOUND
THE RIGHT TIME TO DO IT.
YOU DO IT.
WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS
ALREADY, OLIVIA.
YOU'RE BOTH LEAVING
IN LESS THAN A WEEK.
YEAH, BUT YOU'RE
HER UNCLE, DENNIS.
YOU HAD A RELATIONSHIP
WITH HER LONG BEFORE I DID.
THE NEWS
HAS TO COME FROM YOU.
I CAN'T HURT HER.
MAYBE YOU CAN' TELL HER YOU'RE LEAVING
BECAUSE YOU'RE HAVING
SECOND THOUGHTS.
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
NO, I CAN HEAR I IN YOUR VOICE.
I CAN SEE THE RELUCTANCE
IN YOUR EYES.
WELL, THEN YOU NEED TO CHANGE
YOUR PRESCRIPTION, COUNSELOR.
AH, YES. THE FAMOUS OLIVIA
MARTIN BITING SENSE OF HUMOR.
WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
SPIT OUT A JOKE.
PUT UP A WALL.
DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO
SHOW EVERYONE AROUND YOU
THAT YOU DON'T GIVE A DAMN
ABOUT ANYBODY BUT YOURSELF.
WHO THE HELL ARE YOU
TO TALK TO ME LIKE THIS?
NOBODY. NOBODY REALLY.
BUT YOUR FATHER
TRUSTED ME,
AND I HOPED
TO HONOR HIS WISHES.
AND OLIVIA, I CARE
A GREAT DEAL FOR CELIA,
AND FOR SOME
STRANGE REASON,
I'VE EVEN STARTED
CARING ABOUT YOU.
TELL ME ABOUT IT.
SHE'S BEEN LIKE A YO-YO.
SHE SHOULD BE BACK
PRETTY SOON.
NO, I DON'T KNOW,
BUT YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS STUFF UP FRONT.
YOU KNOW, I LOVE HER.
SHE'S MY FLESH AND BLOOD, BUT REALLY...
LISTEN, JOE,
I ONCE DATED
THE MOST CHARMING SOCCER
PLAYER FROM BUENOS AIRES.
THE PLACE IS FABULOUS.
CELIA'S GOING TO LOVE IT.
LIVING WITH HER GRANDPARENTS
IS THE BEST POSSIBLE
SOLUTION FOR ALL OF US.
SHE'S GOING TO BE FINE.
I PROMISE.
I REALIZE THA YOU PROBABLY THINK
I'M THE MOS HORRIBLE PERSON ALIVE.
NO, I DON'T.
I THINK YOU ARE
A 21-YEAR-OLD WOMAN
WHO WAS GIVEN A RESPONSIBILITY
SHE WASN'T READY FOR.
WELL, IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL
ANY BETTER,
YOU SHOULD KNOW THA I'M GOING TO TELL CELIA
EVERYTHING THE SECOND I GET HOME.
OLIVIA, I WAS
OUT OF LINE BEFORE.
I DID TRY TO
TALK YOU INTO SOMETHING
YOU WERE TOTALLY
SET AGAINST.
WELL, I STILL
COULD HAVE SAID NO.
I'M TRYING TO APOLOGIZE.
IF YOU NEED ME TO
STILL BE THERE FOR YOU
WHEN YOU TELL CELIA,
I'LL DO WHAT I CAN
TO SOFTEN THE BLOW.
YOU'RE A GOOD MAN, COUNSELOR.
IT'S THE SHOES, OLIVIA.
AND DON'T LET ANYBODY
TELL YOU ANY DIFFERENT.
IS CELIA UPSTAIRS?
PROBABLY.
I MISS ANYTHING EXCITING?
JOE CALLED.
YOU OK?
YEAH, NEVER BETTER.
DENNIS IS HERE.
HE'S UPSTAIRS SAYING HI TO CELIA.
YEAH, SHE'S DOING
HER HOMEWORK.
DID YOU DOT ALL YOUR Is,
CROSS ALL YOUR Ts?
YEAH.
CELIA?
WHERE'S CELIA?
ISN'T SHE IN HER ROOM
DOING HOMEWORK?
NO, SHE'S NOT.
ARE YOU SURE?
I'M TELLING YOU,
SHE'S NOT UPSTAIRS.
CELIA?
CELIA?
CELIA?
CELIA!
COME ON, HONEY.
THIS ISN'T A VERY FUN GAME.
CELIA!
DID SOMETHING
HAPPEN?
DID YOU SAY
SOMETHING TO HER?
WHY DOES IT ALWAYS
HAVE TO BE MY FAULT?
I HATE TO BREAK THIS
TO YOU BOTH,
BUT ARGUING ISN' GOING TO HELP FIND HER.
YEAH, WELL, WHAT IS?
I KNOW.
CELIA...
WHAT'S GOING ON?
GO AWAY.
DO YOU HEAR ME?
GET AWAY FROM ME!
WHAT'S WRONG?
YOU CAN TELL ME?
NO, I CAN'T.
OF COURSE YOU CAN.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!
CELIA--
I MEAN IT. I CAN'T WAI UNTIL YOU LEAVE.
YOU'RE NOT MY MOM OR MY DAD.
CELIA, YOU'RE
GETTING THIS ALL WRONG.
I HEARD BARBARA
ON THE PHONE.
I'M GOING TO GRANDMA
AND GRANDPA'S.
YOU'RE LEAVING ME, TOO.
IT'S TRUE, ISN'T IT?
IT'S ALL... IT'S ALL
VERY, VERY COMPLICATED.
YOU LIED TO ME
ABOUT EVERYTHING.
I'M SORRY.
I HATE YOU!
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?
I HATE YOU!
NO WONDER MY DADDY
NEVER TALKED TO YOU.
CELIA FINALLY
FELL ASLEEP.
SHE DIDN'T WAN TO TALK TO ME.
OLIVIA, IT HAS BEEN
A VERY...
VERY LONG NIGHT.
COME ON.
I THINK MAYBE
IT'S TIME FOR ME
TO PACK UP
AND GET OUT OF HERE.
NO. NO.
THIS ISN'T YOUR FAULT.
I SHOULD HAVE BEEN STRAIGH WITH CELIA FROM THE BEGINNING.
YOU JUST DIDN'T WAN TO HURT THE LITTLE RUNT.
YEAH, WE SEE HOW WELL
THAT WORKED OUT.
IT'S OBVIOUS YOU'RE HAVING
MIXED EMOTIONS ABOUT LEAVING.
NO, I'M NOW
ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE
THAT GOING TO ITALY IS
THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE
ANY SENSE.
WHEN WE
COULDN'T FIND HER,
I MEAN, WHEN I DIDN' KNOW WHERE SHE WAS,
I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE
SCARED IN MY WHOLE LIFE.
THAT'S CALLED BEING A PARENT.
WELL, I'M SORRY.
I HAVE TRIED MY BEST,
AND I'M JUST NOT READY FOR
THIS KIND OF RESPONSIBILITY.
WELL, SOONER OR LATER,
WHETHER WE LIKE IT OR NOT,
WE ALL HAVE TO GROW UP.
SHE TALKING ABOU HERSELF OR ME?
I'M STILL IN THE ROOM.
SO I'LL TALK TO YOU
TOMORROW?
YEAH.
HEY...
IT'S GOING TO BE OK.
NIGHT, DENNIS.
YOU COULDN'T SLEEP,
EITHER, HUH?
MIND IF I ASK YOU
A QUESTION?
I WAS 4 WHEN KENNEDY
WAS ASSASSINATED,
SO YOU CAN'T BLAME
THAT ONE ON ME.
WHY DO YOU THINK
RICHARD LOVED CELIA
BUT DIDN'T CARE ABOUT ME?
WHEN YOU CAME ALONG,
YOUR FATHER WAS...
A VERY DIFFERENT MAN.
HE HAD NO IDEA HOW TO CARE
FOR ANYBODY BUT HIMSELF.
MY GUESS IS
THAT HE SCREWED UP SO BADLY WITH US,
WITH YOU...
HE JUS COULD NEVER FIND A WAY
TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT.
THEN HE JUST COULDN' DEAL WITH THE FAILURE.
YEAH, BUT WHY
TREAT ME LIKE A CLIEN AND TREAT HER
LIKE A DAUGHTER?
SHE WAS
HIS SECOND CHANCE
TO FIX THE BIGGES MISTAKE OF HIS LIFE.
WHAT?
IT'S JUST THIS PAINTING
CELIA DID.
IT'S HUNG HERE EVERY DAY
WHILE I WAS JUS NONEXISTENT IN HIS UNIVERSE.
[CHUCKLES]
WHAT? WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
CELIA DIDN'T PAIN THAT PICTURE. YOU DID.
YOU WORKED ON THAT THING
EVERY DAY FOR A WEEK
UNTIL YOU GOT THOSE LITTLE
HANDS EXACTLY RIGHT.
WHY'D HE KEEP IT?
MAYBE THAT WAY...
A LITTLE PART OF YOU
WOULD ALWAYS BE WITH HIM.
OH, HONEY...
I'M SORRY. I DIDN' MEAN TO WAKE YOU.
CELIA, I OWE YOU
A HUGE APOLOGY.
I MEAN, THE LAST THING
I EVER WANTED TO DO
WAS MAKE YOU SAD,
AND I PROMISE I'LL
NEVER LIE TO YOU AGAIN.
I'M SO SORRY.
I'M SORRY FOR WHA I SAID BEFORE, TOO.
ARE YOU KIDDING?
I THOUGHT YOU LET ME OFF PRETTY LIGHT.
SO WHEN ARE YOU GOING AWAY?
YOU AND I BOTH ARE
LEAVING IN ABOUT A WEEK.
UNCLE DENNIS IS GOING TO FLY
WITH YOU TO YOUR GRANDPARENTS.
I LOOKED AT MY GLOBE.
ITALY IS A LONG WAYS AWAY
FROM ARGENTINA.
NO, IT'S NOT.
YEAH.
YEAH, IT'S
PRETTY FAR AWAY,
BUT I PROMISE WE'LL TALK
ON THE PHONE ALL THE TIME
AND I SWEAR
I'LL COME VISIT YOU.
YOU THINK THEY'LL
LET ME BRING MRS. TONTO?
I THOUGHT YOU SAID
HE WAS A MR. TONTO?
HE WAS, BUT YOU
REPLACED HIM WITH A HER.
YOU KNEW ALL ALONG
THAT MR. TONTO
WAS AN IMPOSTER?
MR. CALHOUN IS AN EXCELLEN SCIENCE TEACHER.
BUT YOU NEVER SAID
ANYTHING.
YOU WENT TO ALL THAT TROUBLE.
I DIDN'T WAN TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS.
WOULD YOU MIND IF I
BUNKED WITH YOU TONIGHT?
YOU THINK MY MOM AND DAD
ARE IN HEAVEN,
LOOKING DOWN
AND WATCHING US?
EVERY SECOND OF THE DAY.
I'M TRYING
TO TELL YOU SOMETHING
ABOUT MY LIFE
MAYBE GIVE ME INSIGHT
YOU GUYS HAVE TO HAVE FINAL
PAPERS IN BY NEXT WEDNESDAY.
THEY MUST BE 1,500 WORDS AND
COUNT FOR 20% OF YOUR GRADE.
FOR YOUR OWN BENEFIT,
NO LATE PAPERS.
IN LIFE, AFTER ALL, YEAH
I WENT TO THE DOCTOR
I WENT TO THE MOUNTAINS
I LOOKED TO THE CHILDREN
I DRANK
FROM THE FOUNTAIN
AND WE GO TO THE DOCTOR
WE GO TO THE MOUNTAINS
THE MILLER'S TALE, THE COOK'S TALE,
AND THE MONK'S TALE.
YEAH, WE GO TO THE BIBLE
WE GO THROUGH
THE WORKOUT
WE READ UP ON REVIVAL
WE STAND UP
FOR THE LOOKOUT
THERE'S MORE THAN ONE ANSWER
TO THESE QUESTIONS
POINTING ME
IN A CROOKED LINE
THE LESS I SEEK MY SOURCE
FOR SOME DEFINITIVE
THE CLOSER I AM TO FINE
THE CLOSER I AM TO FINE
THE CLOSER I AM
TO FINE, YEAH
WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN
TO ALL MY TOYS?
YOU'RE GOING TO CHOOSE
ALL THE THINGS YOU LOVE
AND THEN ROSAVEL WILL PACK THEM
UP AND SHIP THEM TO ARGENTINA.
IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR YOUR
TICKET, IT'S RIGHT HERE.
I WASN'T.
ARE MY GRANDPARENTS GOING
TO MAKE ME DO MY HOMEWORK
BEFORE I CAN WATCH TV?
YEAH, I'D PRETTY MUCH
COUNT ON THAT.
AND THAT PASSPORT THA YOU'RE NOT SEARCHING FOR
IS UNDER THE FRUIT BAR.
ARE THEY GOING TO
MAKE ME BRUSH MY TEETH?
IF YOU HAVE ANY LEFT AFTER YOU
FINISH EATING ALL THAT ICING.
ARE THEY GOING TO MAKE ME
PICK UP ALL MY CLOTHES
LIKE YOU DO?
I DON'T SOUND LIKE YOUR SISTER.
I SOUND LIKE YOUR BOSS.
IT'S OK. I COULDN' STAND IT AT FIRST,
BUT THEN I ACTUALLY STARTED
GETTING USED TO IT.
ME, TOO. WEIRD, HUH?
THANKS.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
THAT MUST BE
UNCLE DENNIS.
WELL, I HOPE
HE'S HAD HIS SHOTS.
THAT MAY BE THE BEST CHOCOLATE
CAKE I'VE EVER TASTED.
IF THE KID HAD HATED DESSERT,
WE WOULD HAVE STARVED BY NOW.
AND I FINALLY USED
THE RIGHT FORK.
I NEVER THOUGH YOU'D GET IT.
COME ON, RUNT.
HELP ME CLEAR THE TABLE, HMM?
SO YOU'RE ALL PACKED
AND READY TO FLY?
YEAH. THE CAR PICKS ME UP
AT 6 A.M.
AND WE SWING BY
AND GRAB JOE. YOU?
MY FLIGHT LEAVES
IN THE EVENING,
BUT I'LL BE COMING OVER
AROUND NOON.
THAT'LL GIVE CELIA TIME FOR
SOME EXTRA LAST-MINUTE STUFF.
I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MUCH I
APPRECIATE YOU TRAVELING WITH HER.
WELL, THAT WAY I'M SURE THEIR SIDE OF
THE CUSTODY PAPERWORK IS COMPLETED.
WON'T BE ANY PROBLEMS.
RICHARD MUST HAVE BEEN NUTS
TO THINK THA A 21-YEAR-OLD MISFIT LIKE ME
COULD POSSIBLY TAKE CARE OF
A 7-YEAR-OLD KID.
HE WAS A LOT OF THINGS,
BUT CRAZY WASN'T ONE OF THEM.
EVEN THOUGH ALL THE EVIDENCE
WAS TO THE CONTRARY?
YOU EVER HEAR
HIS PICASSO STORY?
NO, I THINK
I MISSED THAT ONE.
RICHARD HAD A CLIENT WHO
FOUND OUT HER HUSBAND
WAS SLEEPING WITH ABOUT A HALF
DOZEN WOMEN BEHIND HER BACK.
IN THE DIVORCE SETTLEMENT,
SHE GETS THE PICASSO.
WORTH MILLIONS.
ABOUT A YEAR LATER,
AFTER SHE'S PUT HER LIFE BACK TOGETHER,
SHE FALLS OFF A LADDER,
SNAPS HER NECK,
AND DIES.
WOW. THAT'S A VERY
UPLIFTING STORY, COUNSELOR.
WELL, THERE'S MORE,
OLIVIA.
OH, BUT THAT ENDING
WAS SO SATISFYING.
SHE LEAVES THE PICASSO
TO HER EX-HUSBAND,
THE VERY SAME MAN
WHOSE GUTS SHE HATED.
HUH. SO YOUR POINT IS...
WHAT DO YOU THINK,
COUNSELOR?
WELL...
I'D SAY THA ANY FIRST YEAR LAW STUDEN WOULD PROBABLY ARGUE
THAT SHE DIDN' REALLY HATE HIM.
IF SHE HAD, SHE WOULDN'T HAVE
LEFT HIM WITH SUCH A TREASURE.
SHE OBVIOUSLY STILL LOVED
AND TRUSTED HIM.
MAYBE YOU HAVE A CAREER IN
FRONT OF A JURY AFTER ALL.
RICHARD LEFT ME HIS TREASURE.
YOU TWO TELLING
PIRATE STORIES?
WOULD YOU GUYS FINISH
THE DISHES? DO YOU MIND?
I'VE GOT TO TAKE CARE
OF SOMETHING.
WILL YOU BE BACK
BEFORE BEDTIME?
PROBABLY NOT, BUT I PROMISE NO TO LEAVE WITHOUT SAYING GOOD-BYE.
PROMISE?
CROSS MY HEART.
Joe: YEAH, I'M COMING.
HEY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
THAT'S A VERY DIFFICUL QUESTION TO ANSWER, JOE.
DO YOU WANT TO COME IN?
I'M STILL PACKING.
NO.
HOW ABOUT I COME OUT?
OH, BOY.
HOW DO I SAY THIS?
OK, HERE'S THE THING.
WHAT DO YOU LIKE
ABOUT ME?
I CAN'T EVER REMEMBER.
THAT'S WHAT MAKES
OUR RELATIONSHIP SPECIAL.
OK.
WELL, WHAT DO I LIKE
ABOUT YOU?
YOU'RE ATTRACTIVE,
SARCASTIC,
AND YOU DON'T DOTE ON ME.
SO YOU WANT ME TO GO HALFWAY
AROUND THE WORLD WITH YOU
BECAUSE I'M CUTE,
I GIVE YOU GRIEF,
AND DON'T ACT LIKE
YOUR MOM?
MY PARENTS STAYED TOGETHER
FOR 30 YEARS
BASED ON
A HELL OF A LOT LESS.
YEAH, BUT THAT'S
NOT ENOUGH FOR ME.
I CAME FROM
A BROKEN HOME
WHERE I DIDN'T GIVE
FAMILY ENOUGH THOUGHT.
I KNOW ALL OF THIS, OLIVIA.
BUT I WAS WRONG,
'CAUSE FAMILY MATTERS
MORE THAN I KNEW.
AND IF I RUN AWAY
WITH YOU,
WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT GOING
TO ITALY IS ALL ABOUT,
I WILL BE DOING TO CELIA
EXACTLY WHAT MY DAD
DID TO ME.
YOU ARE PUNISHING YOURSELF
OUT OF GUILT.
YOU DON'T GET IT,
DO YOU?
I'M TAKING CARE OF THIS
PERSON WHO NEEDS ME,
AND STRANGE AS IT IS,
I...
I NEED HER, TOO.
YOU ARE MAKING THE BIGGES MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE.
MAYBE...
BUT THERE'S THIS
PAGE TURNER
THAT I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF
ABOUT A CAT NAMED CECE,
A DOG NAMED OLIVE,
AND...
I GOT TO SEE
HOW IT ENDS.
[CHUCKLES]
CAN'T TALK YOU OUT OF THIS?
HAVE A SAFE TRIP,
DR. JOE.
HEY. WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
WHAT?
OLIVIA PROMISED SHE WOULDN' LEAVE WITHOUT SAYING GOOD-BYE.
BREAKFAST?
YOU'RE STILL HERE.
SO IS THAT A YES
TO WAFFLES OR A NO?
I THOUGHT...
I THOUGHT YOU LEF WITHOUT SAYING GOOD-BYE.
I CHANGED MY MIND.
YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO ITALY?
HOW CAN I LEAVE WHEN THE MOS IMPORTANT THING ON EARTH
IS STILL IN THIS HOUSE?
YOUR BLOW DRIER?
NO.
YOU.
I WAS BEING SARCASTIC.
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL LIFE
TO BE LIVING
SO BEAUTIFUL
OH, YEAH
I CAN'T HELP
THE WAY I'M FEELING
Celia: ONCE THERE WAS
A DOG NAMED CECE
AND A CAT NAMED OLIVE,
AND THEY DIDN'T GET ALONG
VERY WELL.
BUT SLOWLY THINGS CHANGED.
THEY GAVE EACH OTHER
A CHANCE
AND STOPPED FIGHTING
LONG ENOUGH TO LISTEN.
THE DOG REALIZED
THE CAT'S MEOW
WAS A BEAUTIFUL INSTRUMEN AND THE CAT DISCOVERED
THE DOG'S BARK
WAS THE MOST AMAZING
SINGING VOICE
IT HAD EVER HEARD.
IF EVERYBODY THINKS
MY SENSES HAVE RUN WILD
WORKS FOR ME.
Celia: SO CECE AND OLIVE
LEARNED THA THEY'RE MUCH SMARTER
HAPPIER,
AND STRONGER TOGETHER
THAN THEY EVER
WOULD HAVE BEEN APART.
TO BE LIVING
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DREAM
TO BE LEAVING
TO BE LEAVING
IF YOU WERE THE ONE
SITTING NEXT TO ME
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL LIFE
THAT WOULD BE
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL LIFE
THAT WOULD BE