Henry's Crime (2010) Movie Script
(CAR HORN)
# Answer me
# Sweet Jesus,
don't you hear me calling you?
# I need you, Lord
# Answer me
# Sweet Jesus,
don't you hear me calling you?
# I need you, Lord
# Lord, I've run out of words to sing
# All I can do right now is moan
# I may not pray,
lik e all of a sudden
# But let me know
my prayer's being heard
# Answer me
# Sweet Jesus,
don't you hear me calling you?
# I need you, Lord
# Lord, Lord, answer me
# Sweet Jesus,
don't you hear me calling you?
# I need you, Lord
# Lord, I've held on a long time
# And all my action depends upon you
# I've been patient
and highly understanding
# Now I don't know
what there is left to do
# Answer me
# Sweet Jesus,
don't you hear me calling you?
# I need you, Lord
# Answer me
# Sweet Jesus,
don't you hear me calling you?
# I need you, Lord
# Answer me
- # Answer me, Lord
# Answer me
- # Answer me, Lord
# Answer me
# Answer me
# Answer me
# Answer me
# Answer me #
- Wow.
- Sit down.
Thanks.
How was your night?
Good. How was yours?
Good.
This is great.
Your shift's at 8.30?
- You're not eating?
- I already did.
You OK?
Are you going to go with me
to Cindy and Bill's this weekend?
Sure. What time?
For the baby shower?
Right.
- I don't want to go.
- (COUGHS)
You don't?
I want Cindy and Bill to come here.
Cindy and Bill are welcome here
whenever they want.
Henry.
Don't you think it's time?
You're talking about kids.
Of course I am.
- OK.
- "OK", you want kids?
I love kids.
Henry, do you still love me?
Of course I do.
Cos I know that you used to.
- What happened?
- (KNOCKING AT DOOR)
Henry Torne.
Eddie Vibes.
So how you been?
- I'm OK. What's going on?
- (GROANING)
Ah, we got a man down here.
I was wondering
if we could come in for a second.
Joe! Joe. Come on.
- (GAGGING)
- Oh, oh, oh.
- (GASPS) You feel really hot.
- I'm sorry.
Come with me.
Just get right to the back.
- Straight back to the kitchen.
- I'm sorry.
- Goddamn sausages at Pinwheels.
- Yeah?
So, er...
we're in a bit of a bind here, Henry.
We got a big play-off game
in the next half-hour
and buddy boy there's
our first baseman.
But as you can see,
he's not exactly game-ready.
So what do you say?
(GROANING)
Feel like playing a little ball?
It's November.
Yeah. They keep the field
in pretty good shape.
- Oh.
- (RETCHING)
Oh, God. OK. OK.
(RETCHING)
So what do you say?
(COUGHING)
Henry?
(SIGHS)
So where's this game?
Near Kaisertown,
about er... 15 minutes away.
Appreciate you driving, Torne.
Sure.
Just pull over here.
Stop and get some beer money
at the ATM.
Good.
So, er... hang tight.
We'll be right back.
Keep the engine running, OK?
- Le petit caf, Frank.
- Merci, merci.
- A bientt, Pierre.
- A demain, Frank.
(ALARM)
Hey, you! Freeze!
Freeze!
We know this wasn't your deal, Torne.
These people aren't your friends.
Why stick up for 'em?
You got a wife, you got a job.
Don't you care?
You're looking
at three to seven, Henry.
All you gotta do is say something.
The court sentences Henry Torne
to three years in prison
for the crime of
Felony First-Degree Armed Robbery.
Hey. Excuse me.
(FLUSHING)
I'm Max.
- Henry.
- Henry, good.
Um... what are you in for?
- What?
- What are you in for?
Bank robbery.
Nice. Clean, simple. I like it.
- I didn't do it.
- No, of course not.
Mistaken identity.
What are you in for?
Life.
Just...
Put it anywhere. It doesn't matter.
It's not like you got much choice.
(ALARM)
Come on, hurry up, it's breakfast.
Come on.
Monday is wholewheat bun day.
What are you thinking?
- Nothing.
- You can't be thinking nothing.
Let me guess. You're thinking,
"How in hell did I get here?"
How do you think we all got here?
I don't know.
We committed crimes, Henry.
But we committed to the wrong thing.
See, that was a mistake.
We never fulfilled our potential.
See this guy here in the middle?
Don't stare at him.
Name's Hector.
He wanted to be a doctor.
Thanks.
And he could have been a good one.
Well, good or bad, I don't know.
But he chose not to fulfil
his potential. Now look at him.
So I'm talking about bad choices.
I recommend these potatoes.
They're really terrific.
Give him a little extra,
please, Charlie. Thank you.
See, the real crime
is not committing to your dream.
What is yours, anyway?
- My what?
- Your dream.
Not sure I ever had one.
Never had a dream?
I mean, what kinda life's that?
I don't know. A pretty good one.
Hm.
I don't er... mean any offence, Henry,
but you're in jail.
Are you going to eat
the rest of this wholewheat?
- No.
- Thanks.
- Hi.
- Hi.
How are you?
I'm OK.
How about you?
I'm good.
You look beautiful.
Henry...
...there's something
I have to talk to you about.
OK.
(SIGHS)
I fell in love.
Oh.
I just... I mean, it just happened.
I'm really sorry.
- It's all right.
- You're not mad?
No.
I want you to be happy.
Hey, Max, when's your next review?
November.
Show us
what you did last time for the board.
I'm working. Stop.
- What? One time.
- Come on, show us.
- Show us!
- Leave me alone, OK?
- Just once, come on.
- Come on!
Pain in the ass. All right.
So last time, um... I'm sitting there,
and um... the Head of the Board
comes and says,
"OK, Max, what are you going to do
for us this time if we let you out?"
I get the old twitch working,
and I go...
"Well, um...
"I'm going to break into your house
"and then I'll kill your dog
and set the house on fire.
"Then I'll dance through your garden
"naked like some
mad, crazed werewolf.
"And I'll bite and I'll mangle
"and I'll tear the tongue
out of everything that's breathing.
"Then I'll hurl myself into the sky,
"the ethereal sky, flaming,
"like God's darkest angel.
"And I'll explode
into a goddamn heavenly fireball.
"Boom.
"Boom! You guys wanna see this?
"I can't wait. Boom."
What? What?
You scared the shit out of me,
I tell you.
Well, believe me,
I ain't going anywhere, thank God.
- (RAZOR BUZZING)
- When's your review coming up?
- Next month.
- You gonna twitch like your cellie?
- Nope.
- You don't like it around here (?)
Everyone knows Henry's innocent (!)
- (LAUGHTER)
- Board doesn't like you denying it.
- I didn't do the crime.
- But you got the time.
So you might as well have done it.
I kinda like that.
That's funny, know what I mean?
If you did the time, you might as
well have done the crime. It's cute.
You're cute too, kid.
Get up. You're finished.
- Get out of here.
- Thanks, Max.
(RUNNING WATER)
You never did tell me
what your dream was, Max.
What?
You never told me your dream.
- I'm living it.
- Really?
Well, yeah.
I mean, it's easy, living in here.
I got nothing to prove,
all you really gotta do is show up
and they even do that for you.
So, er... it's nice. It's good, yeah.
This place is horrible, Max.
Well, that makes me wonder
why er... Why didn't you ever talk?
- When?
- Back then. When you had the chance.
I mean, why?
I felt maybe this was my way out.
Oh. Was it?
Yeah.
- Bullshit.
- What do you mean?
I mean bullshit. Nothing's changed.
I mean, whether you're
out there or you're here...
...the truth is, Henry,
you're still the same guy.
Sorry.
(DOOR BUZZING)
(DOOR CLOSING)
Have you got everything, kid?
Hey, Max, maybe you should
think about getting out of here.
Listen. The only thing I ever missed
in 23 years is maybe a hot bath.
To tell the truth, I don't think
that's worth walking out of here for.
Torne, let's go.
I hope I never see you again.
# One hundred days,
one hundred nights
# To know a man's heart
# One hundred days,
one hundred nights
# To know a man's heart
# And a little more
before he knows his own
# You know a man
can play the part of a saint
# Just so long
# For a day come
# When his true
# His true self unfolds
# Yes, it does
# He may be mellow
# He may be kind
# Treat you good all the time
# But there's something just beyond
# What he's told... #
Henry.
Hey.
Hey, Debbie, Henry's here.
- Come in. Make yourself at home.
- Thanks.
Don't mind me.
I'm just setting up for my meeting.
Hey, you want a beer?
- Sure.
- Honey, mind getting Henry a beer?
Hi.
Hi.
(LAUGHS) I know.
That's everything you wanted.
Thanks.
- Are you happy?
- I am.
I'm glad.
What are you gonna do now?
Honey, they're starting to arrive.
Maybe you'd be interested, Henry.
You could be a Jin Chi distributor.
It's Korean kitchenware,
the future of food storage.
Plus if you recruit distributors
you get paid even more.
- You mean like a pyramid scheme?
- No. Not... No. Not...
It's a multi-layered
marketing paradidgem.
Anyway, give it some thought.
Listen, Henry, I just wanted
to say thank you, you know.
For what?
For not giving up my name.
- I don't know your name.
- Sure you do. It's Joe.
You're welcome, Joe.
I'll see you, Deb.
(TV) ...with as much as three inches
in the Buffalo South towns,
and it will be getting colder.
You look at the extended outlook
and you see all these flakes,
but they're only going to be
scattered light snow showers,
so most of our accumulations
will be tonight
and a little bit more tomorrow.
(TV JINGLE)
Tak e a chance on life.
Tak e a chance on (SINGS) Buffalotto.
(SCREECHING TYRES)
What are you doing?
What the fuck are you doing?
Are you OK?
Stan, I... I gotta call you back.
I just ran someone over. OK.
You idiot! You weren't even
looking where you were going.
- Are you OK?
- Yeah.
- Is he OK? Is he all right?
- I think so.
Don't get up. I'll call an ambulance.
- No, don't. I'm OK.
- Hey, it's you.
Yeah, me.
You know what,
he walked out into the street.
I saw it all. You were on your phone.
- You weren't even paying attention.
- I was.
- I know how to drive.
- You know what?
Just park. I'll take him to the caf.
Where are you going?
Stay on the ground.
There we go. There we go.
So they let you out, huh?
Yeah.
Un verre d'eau, Pierre.
Thanks.
Did you call an ambulance?
It's OK. I really am fine.
Fine for a guy who just got run over.
Lucky, I guess.
I think someone should look at you.
Hello. Guy.
Do you wanna see someone?
- You look familiar.
- What?
Oh. Oh.
- That.
- What?
Take a chance on life.
Take a chance on (SINGS) Buffalotto.
- Oh. That's you.
- Unfortunately, yeah.
Er... I mean, look,
you seem to be OK, right?
Yeah, I'm OK.
Great. So I can go now, right?
- Sure.
- OK, then.
Goodbye.
And, you know, be more careful.
(CAR HORN)
I told you I never wanted
to see that face again.
So?
I figured it out.
- Figured what out?
- My dream.
Oh, that's good. So what is it?
The bank.
- The bank is your dream?
- Yeah.
- Um... what bank?
- The one I didn't rob.
- That's your dream?
- Yeah.
What kind of
cockamamie dream is that?
I did the time,
I may as well have done the crime.
Yeah. Time, crime, right.
- So what do you say?
- About what?
- Will you help me?
- Help you what?
(Will you help me rob the bank?)
You came to jail to ask me
to help you rob a bank?
Yeah.
I missed you, Henry.
You've got your review coming up.
- Yeah, so?
- So you can get out of here.
- It's not that simple.
- Yes, it is.
- It's not.
- It is.
No, it is not.
This is my home, buddy.
This is not a home, Max.
It's a prison.
Call it what you like. I'm happy here.
Max.
You can't die in this place.
I can die
pretty much wherever I want.
I'm asking for your help.
I need your help.
- I got cards, kid.
- Max.
Come on. Look, I've thought about...
# I got a thing on my mind
# Sure enough gonna find it
# I got a thing on my mind
# Sure enough gonna find it
# Don't let nobody tell me
# My thing, it won't come true
# Cos I ain't lying down
# Till I get my dues
# I got a thing on my mind
# I'm sure enough gonna find it... #
God knows, I love my country.
I love it deeply.
I couldn't see out of the train window,
I was crying so much.
(LAUGHS) But I must drink my coffee.
Firs, coffee. Firs?
Where's Firs?
I'm sorry, Firs is sick today.
- What?
- He's... He's sick.
He's sick. You know it. Continue.
Fine, I'll pretend Firs is here.
Thank you, Firs, you dear old man.
I'm so glad to find you still alive.
I said I'm so glad
to find you still alive.
He's a little deaf.
Your brother Leonid Andreyevich
says that I'm an upstart,
a money-grubber.
He can say whatever he likes.
I don't care. A bit.
I just want you to believe in me.
Like in the old days.
I just want your wonderful tender
eyes to look on me like they used to.
(RUSSIAN ACCENT) No, no, no, no, no.
Stop, stop. It just is bloody.
No! Simone.
It's too small. It's too safe.
- Stop showing me that safe face.
- Good, I won't.
No, I'm not talking about you.
You're doing the best you can.
I'm talking to you.
- What are you doing?
- Me?
Yes.
Well, I... I'm listening.
Listening?
Well, it looks like you're...
...hearing, and to hear is to be weak.
To listen is to be strong.
Why? Because to listen is an action.
No. What... What is that?
It's an action. I'm listening.
I mean, is that what you want?
Is that what you mean?
- No, Djula.
- Mm-hm. OK.
Then what do you want?
You're performing, you're performing.
Nothing comes out.
You're just performing. Performing.
Well, that's what I do, Darek.
I'm an actress.
You can call yourself
whatever you want,
but so far
you haven't shown me anything real.
You see, here on stage,
every moment, every word,
every breath should be a risk.
Where is your risk, Djula?
I don't know, Darek. In your ass?
Good! Finally she's listening! Hah!
From the top, everybody.
I'm going to grab some coffee.
Well, you do that, Djula.
Go and grab a coffee.
Let's all have coffee and think about
what we're willing to risk in life.
What are you doing here?
You here to sue me?
- No.
- Good.
(DAREK) 20 minutes. I don't care.
- Is it always like that?
- What?
- That.
- In rehearsal?
- Yeah.
- It's a process.
Looks complicated.
Yeah, it is.
- Madame Julie.
- Coffee, Pierre.
("JE VEUX VIVRE" FROM
GOUNOD'S "ROMEO ET JULIETTE")
You want one?
- Sure.
- Deux.
- Deux cafs.
- Oui.
Thanks.
(SIGHS)
You looked like you were listening.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Really?
In a way.
Yeah. Yeah, I wasn't.
I wasn't. I was playing it safe.
You know, "The Cherry Orchard"
was Chekhov's last play.
He was dying when he wrote it.
It's kind of perfect.
- Why?
- Because it's my last play, too.
Here in Buffalo.
I'm leaving. Right after this.
So who are you?
You mean my name?
OK.
I'm Henry.
Well, I wanna thank you
for not suing me, Henry.
Au revoir, Madame Julie.
Ciao, ciao.
Mr Saltzman, please tell the Board
why you believe
we should grant you a parole.
Come on, Mr Saltzman.
What have you got for us this time?
Mr Saltzman?
Come on, Max.
(DOOR BUZZER)
See you, George.
- I knew you could do it.
- Yeah.
Um...
...where is your car?
I don't have a car.
You don't have a car?
I sold it.
Well, what is the matter with you?
You come to pick me up
and you don't have a car.
That is not the way
you pick up a person!
Yes, it is. I'm here.
I'm picking you up.
Look, I really don't know about this.
I think I'm making
a pretty big mistake.
Look, Max,
the bus station's just a short walk.
Bus station?
Don't worry, Max.
Carl? Hey, Dave!
Let me in, will you? Open up!
Max, it's gonna be OK.
Are you kidding me?
This is your plan?
An old cartoon in a pissoir?
- It's a start.
- No, this is 80 years ago.
Wait. I tell you what we do.
We do it the old-fashioned way.
- We go in with guns.
- No guns.
- Why?
- Someone could get hurt.
That's very sweet of you, Henry.
Maybe the tunnel's still there, Max.
Yes, I'm sure it is, right (!)
- Maybe it is.
- Maybe it is.
But maybe it's not.
I tell you what we do.
First we go to this bank of yours
and see if that's there.
It is.
I'm sure it is. But maybe it's not.
Now, which kind of account
would you like to open?
Well, which kind have you got?
Er... savings, interest-only,
commercial...
Excuse me for interrupting.
I was just thinking,
it's such a small world.
My uncle... My uncle, he put all his
money in your vault when I was a kid.
I mean, after we came from Europe.
Before the War.
The brownshirts and...
Well, what was my point, anyway?
I... Yes, and I remember him,
my uncle, telling me
that your vault
would probably be here for 300 years.
- Well, we hope he's right.
- The man was never wrong.
Er...
how long has that vault been here?
Er... since 1891.
Wow. And I'm just assuming
it's in the same spot.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Exact same spot.
History, son. It's all about history.
As I was saying,
we have savings, interest-only...
Again, pardon me,
but you'll have to just give us
a little time to decide
which of those we prefer.
But I want to thank you so very much.
- Oh, well, no, thank you.
- No, thank you for being so kind.
OK, we'll get in touch with you.
Have a nice day, gentlemen.
The vault is somewhere in here.
The tunnel runs somewhere under here
and ends up somewhere in there.
It's virtually robbing itself,
isn't it?
Goddamn Chekhov shit!
Jesus. Henry?
Hi.
Julie, Max. Max, Julie.
How do you do?
- What are you doing here?
- Er...
I was er... I was just showing Henry
the place where I used to perform.
Oh. What?
- That's lunch, Julie.
- Oh. Thank God.
Yes,
Chekhov can be extremely difficult.
It sometimes takes
a cast-iron stomach.
- Why, you know Chekhov?
- Of course.
Next to Gorbachev,
he's my favourite Russian.
Excuse me, would you mind terribly
if I er... took a look inside?
It's been maybe 30 years
since I've been in there.
- Really?
- Yes.
Well, er... yeah, sure.
Very kind of you.
How are you doing?
Great (!) I'm in hell.
Home again.
- What shows did you do?
- Ma'am?
What productions were you in?
Ah.
Er... some of the greats.
Er... Shakespeare, of course.
Er... Ibsen, er... Yeats, Williams.
Yeats. Yeats?
What play did Yeats write?
No, it was about Yeats,
when he was a young man.
Julie. Excuse me. Julie,
Mary wants to fit your wig at four
and Darek says to stay hungry.
- Fuck him.
- Got it.
Um...
can I be a bit of a nuisance, please?
I'd very much appreciate
a small tour around the old place,
if you wouldn't mind.
He used to perform here.
- I suppose it's OK. We're on a break.
- Oh, thank you.
- Henry?
- Sure. Go ahead.
Julie, thanks so much.
Is that your dad?
- No, he's a friend.
- Really? Cos he seems like your dad.
It's peaceful out here.
Ah, the inner sanctum.
Like it was yesterday.
Down here.
People often make the mistake
of going down
but in Chekhov,
you must always, always go up.
- Bring back some memories?
- Oh, indeed.
Let me tell you something.
Did you know that there used to be
a speakeasy here during Prohibition?
And they hid the booze in the bank.
Exactly.
Did you know there was a tunnel?
There was a tunnel.
I know that. I know that.
As a matter of fact, that tunnel...
That tunnel was um...
I know where it is.
- I'll show it to you.
- Really?
- Mm-hm.
- Um...
You did some acting yourself,
didn't you?
I could tell.
"The Cherry Orchard".
So what's it about?
A woman returns to her family estate
in the Russian countryside
and she realises that she has
to sell her beloved cherry orchard,
which is
the magical place of her youth.
It's the only place
she's ever felt safe.
And it's about um...
being forced to let go of the past
and create a new life
in order to survive.
We're going to have to be quick
because Arnold hates
people in his dressing room.
- Arnold?
- Oh, Lopakhin.
Of course.
Hello?
And I think it was right here.
Yeah.
Huh. Amazing.
(TAPS ON HOLLOW WALL)
Oh, boy. Lots of whisky.
Filled with ladies and gentlemen.
The good old days. Can you imagine?
- (TAPS THE WALL)
- I think they sealed it up in 1931
when they built the theatre.
Yeah, times have changed.
Well, all good things
must come to an end, unfortunately.
So what's your story, Henry?
- My story?
- Like, what do you do?
I'm figuring that out.
Does that mean you don't have a job?
I er...
...just got out of prison.
- Prison?
- It sounds worse than it is.
Really? Cos prison sounds bad.
Why were you there?
Are you a murderer or something?
No. Do I look like one?
- No.
- What do I look like?
Oh, this place is
just full of treasures.
Thank you so much.
It was great. Thank you.
- And thank you, Simon.
- My pleasure.
- And I'll see you tomorrow.
- Tomorrow?
Max has offered
to volunteer at the theatre.
Oh.
Work.
Work. It's time to work,
you lazy Americans.
(TAPS ON STAGE)
Even you, Djula. Top of act two.
What are you doing afterwards?
- Why?
- You like Chinese?
- Yeah.
- Jinlan?
- Yeah, it's OK.
- Eight o'clock?
Sure.
- Great.
- Great.
Djula, can we please start?
Stay out of prison.
- Djula, please.
- Yes, yes!
- Can we start?
- I'm here!
Good. You're coming in stage right.
I can see it all, Henry.
The bank,
the vault, the theatre, the tunnel.
See,
we got all the pieces of the puzzle
sitting right there on the table.
Now all we gotta do
is put 'em in the right order.
The only thing is the dirt.
Where does the dirt
from the tunnel go?
What about the vault?
- I'm thinking dirt right now, Henry.
- OK.
(EXHALES)
How do I look?
- Huh?
- How do I look?
You look like Henry.
You gonna be all right?
Yeah, we had a great day, kid.
Have yourself a nice dinner.
Julie.
Sorry I'm late.
That guy's a total dick.
Hi, Henry.
Hi. So how was the rehearsal?
I feel like duck.
Yeah, I think I'm good.
The reviews are mostly good.
But the problem is I don't just
wanna be good. I wanna be great.
And I don't just
wanna be great in Buffalo.
Where, then?
Don't laugh.
Hollywood.
I guess that's where people go.
Yeah.
You know, I just don't want my legacy
to be a Buffalotto commercial.
You know what? It's not going to be.
Because the moment
this thing is done, I'm out of here.
I'm just... I've gotta get out
before it's too late.
Sounds like a plan.
Yeah.
I hate fortune cookies.
I like 'em.
Are we going anywhere in particular?
Mm-hm.
You want some?
- No.
- No?
Come on, take a chance.
Take a chance on life.
There's a whole bunch of bodies
down there just churning around,
caught in the current.
So what did you do before jail,
Henry?
I worked at a tollbooth.
- Yeah? Which one?
- Eden.
- No!
- Yes.
Yay! I had family on the other side.
We must have seen
each other 100 times.
So, er... wow.
You were one of those guys
in the tollbooth with the er...
those weird... those rubber gloves.
Yeah.
What's so funny?
It's just...
You were watching everyone
go someplace
and you were going nowhere.
- That's funny?
- Yeah.
It's funny-sad.
So what did you go to jail for,
Henry?
- Trying to rob Buffalo Savings Bank.
- What?
I thought I was on my way
to a softball game but I... wasn't.
- But now I'm gonna rob it for real.
- What?
I'm going to rob it for real.
You're going to rob the bank
that you went to jail for robbing?
Yeah.
- There's a tunnel.
- What tunnel?
It runs from the bank to the theatre.
- My theatre?
- Yeah.
Fucking hilarious, Henry.
You know what?
- What?
- I'm hungry.
- For what?
- Ice cream.
Ice cream.
Let's get some ice cream.
I can't believe I'm sitting here.
Neither can I.
I want to dance and clap my hands.
I think I must be dreaming.
You know,
"God knows, I love my country.
"I love it deeply.
"I couldn't see out of the train window,
I was crying so much."
Page 21.
Could you read Lopakhin?
Sure.
"I have to go to Kharkov on the
five o'clock train. Such a bother.
"I wanted to stay and talk to you.
"You're as wonderful as ever."
Read the next line.
"Even more beautiful,
"and dressed like a Parisian...
You could blow me down."
Um...
could you say it like you feel it?
Like it's real.
Just say it to me.
OK.
"Even more beautiful.
"And dressed like a Parisian...
"You could blow me down."
You're good. That's really good.
You know what, I want you to keep
reading, but get up and walk around.
- "Your brother Leonard..."
- Leonid.
- Leonid.
- Leonid.
"Your brother Leonid says
I'm an upstart. A money-grubber."
Yes, you are, Henry.
You're a bank robber.
"He can say whatever he likes.
I don't care a bit.
"I just want you to believe in me
like in the old days."
Again.
"I just want you...
"I just want you to believe in me
like in the old days.
"I just want
your wonderful, tender eyes
"to look at me like they did then."
Say it without the book now.
"I just want
your wonderful, tender eyes
"to look at me
"like they did then."
Oh, I'm so glad I ran you over.
Me too.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Good morning.
- Henry!
- Morning, Max.
Hey, listen. I figured it out.
The dirt from the tunnel
goes on the roof.
Ah, company.
- Good morning, Max.
- I'm sorry about the um...
- It's all right. She knows.
- She does?
I didn't know the dirt
from the tunnel goes on the roof.
Don't worry.
I'm not going to tell anyone.
Could I just have a second with you?
Pardon us, will you?
- What do you mean, you told her?
- I told her.
- You told her everything?
- Yeah.
Henry, it's a crime.
A crime's supposed to be secret.
- It's OK, Max.
- No, it is not. It's not kosher.
How do you like your bacon?
Crispy.
- What were you in prison for, Max?
- I was a confidence man.
You mean a con man?
I um... I don't like that word.
Er, "confidence"
is a little more elegant.
"Confidence" comes from the Greek
"fides", meaning faith and belief.
Greek?
I thought it was Latin.
Well, yes, it is... it is now.
So, essentially, you make people
feel good and then you rip 'em off?
Yes. But I was always a little better
at the feeling good part
than I was with the ripping off part,
hence jail.
Aren't you worried
about getting caught?
Well, it's kind of
a win-win situation for me.
Why?
I like jail.
What about you, Henry?
You like jail?
No.
I like it out here.
So why would you take the risk?
Or is it the money?
Well, it must be the money.
Boy, you are a criminal.
You're a greedy little criminal.
Your brother Leonid says
I'm an upstart. A money-grubber.
But I don't care a bit.
I just want you to believe in me
like in the old days.
Cute! You remember. Good!
Excuse me.
- Excuse me.
- What?
- Um... what exactly was that?
- It was Chekhov.
Chekhov?
- Oh, of course. Yeah.
- We read it last night.
Yeah. He was so good.
- You're really good. He's a natural.
- He is.
Um... I thought you guys
were out on a date last night.
We were.
So now
going on a date is reading Chekhov?
- Yeah.
- Uh-huh.
I gotta get to the theatre.
Um... excuse me. Excuse me.
Um... can you give me a ride
to the theatre?
Why?
I'm a volunteer now.
You were never in any of those plays,
were you?
No.
But can you give me a ride?
- (CRYING)
- Why didn't you listen to me? Why?
We can't turn back the clock now,
poor dear.
Crying, crying, crying.
Oh, God. This is driving me crazy.
- What?
- We could be digging right now.
- We could?
- If we were in that dressing room.
- It's rehearsal. There are people.
- Right. Just pissing me off.
Well, what can we do, Max?
What?
- I got an idea.
- What?
What if you played Lopakhin?
- What?
- If you played Lopakhin,
we could
get into that tunnel any time.
They have a Lopakhin.
- What if they didn't?
- What do you mean?
What do I mean?
What if they didn't have a Lopakhin?
I can't be Lopakhin.
I'm not an actor.
You're not a bank robber
and you're doing that.
Max, come on.
- She said you were a natural.
- So?
So a natural is a natural.
And a natural means you can do it.
- It doesn't.
- You're gonna be Lopakhin.
- There has to be another way.
- No. This is the way.
- I don't know, Max.
- You want the bank, don't you?
- Yeah, I do.
- Then you're gonna be Lopakhin.
End of story. You're gonna be great.
I swear to you.
- It's crazy.
- You're gonna be great.
I'll call you back.
Darek, she's taking
a phone call in the middle...
I did not take it.
It's exactly what I did not do.
Listen, I was thinking here,
you could step backstage.
(SHOUTING)
- What's going on?
- You unprofessional...
- Mr Milodragovich.
...shit!
Arnold's quitting.
- What?
- He's quitting.
We're talking about Willie Loman.
The West End.
A Ken Waterstone production.
Ooh, a Ken Waterstone production!
The heavens have opened (!)
You're a lucky boy. Well, go, yes.
Run, run to that
pampering, populist...
(SIGHS) Great (!)
...piece of shit Ken Waterstone
and his finest productions. Ha!
Goodbye, Darek. I'm sorry.
Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo (!)
(SHOUTS)
We could have auditions
this afternoon.
- I have a list of...
- That's a shit list!
What do you want me to do?
I can't hear you when you're yelling.
What?
No, no, no, sorry.
I can't give you a ride.
I know, no. Before I start,
I just want you to remember
that you said he'd be a natural.
Stan, let me call you back.
- What?
- Henry.
- Henry what?
- He'd be perfect.
Perfect for what?
For Lopakhin.
You mean
Henry should play Lopakhin?
- Yes.
- What the fuck! He's not an actor!
Exactly. He's natural.
He'd just be playing himself.
Just give this a little thinkage.
The man is Lopakhin.
I mean, he's a man
who's come from nothing,
he's a man who's not afraid to create
a new life, put his past behind him,
and he's a man in love with you.
Er... Madame Ravinsky.
Ranevsky.
- What did I say?
- Ravinsky.
- I did?
- It's Ranevsky.
That's weird. OK.
Can you maybe
get him in to see Darek?
What's going on here, Max? Hm?
What's going on? What are you doing?
Listen. The truth is,
you need a Lopakhin
and Lopakhin needs a dressing room.
You did this, didn't you?
OK, that... that's fair enough.
OK. OK.
Confidence man.
- Now, get out.
- I was just... I was getting out.
Thanks.
You have no training,
you've never been in a production.
You don't even know the play.
I've read it.
I think I know this scene.
Oh, you think you know? What?
You're a peasant, a nobody.
Start.
Your brother Leonid Andrevich
says I'm an ups...
How can you perform Chekhov
and not be able to say Andre-ye-vich?
- Say it.
- Andreyevich.
Good. Got the name right. Continue.
Your brother Leonid Andreyevich
says I'm an upstart. A money-grubber.
A what?
- A money-grubber.
- Really?
Are you?
- No.
- No?
- No!
- No? But convince her, not me.
Convince her!
Your brother Leonid Andreyevich
says I'm an upstart. A money-grubber.
He can say whatever he likes.
I don't care a bit.
Neither do I.
I just want you to believe in me,
like in the old days.
Now, do you, Djula?
Show me. Tell me.
Yes, please can you show us
something we don't know?
Good God in heaven.
My father
was one of your father's serfs,
and your grandfather's serf
before that.
Boring!
It's all ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.
It must come from here.
Speak with your heart.
She's your angel.
Beg her. Beg her for forgiveness.
(Because you're going
to destroy her life.)
(Ask her for forgiveness.)
My father
was one of your father's serfs,
and your grandfather's serf
before that.
But you, you did so much
for me in the old days.
I'd forgotten all that.
I love you.
Like a sister.
More than a sister.
You piece of shit! Don't you ever...
(LAUGHS)
Not bad, Djula. Give me a hug.
- No.
- Give me a hug.
- No.
- Give me a hug.
No.
Come here. Come on.
I want to hold hands. Simone!
(GIGGLING)
Argh!
(SIGHS)
Does this make me an accessory?
I think so.
Depends.
On what?
If I get caught.
Things have certainly gotten
more interesting since you showed up.
You mean, since you ran me over.
It's not about the money, is it?
- No.
- Then why are you doing it?
I used to go along with everything.
I didn't know I could change it.
So now I'm changing it.
And robbing a bank is changing it?
It already has.
Can everybody gather round?
Darek wants to address the cast.
Thank you for coming, everybody.
I would like to introduce to you
Henry Smith.
From today, he's going
to do the part of Lopakhin.
If you please.
Thanks. Thank you.
Looking forward to it.
OK, let's take five minutes.
We'll go from the top of act three.
Top of act three, people.
Hold it.
Lower.
Henry.
That is a shit-pile of brick.
Yeah.
I think we might need
another pair of hands.
(TV SPORTS COMMENTARY)
No! No!
No!
You've gotta be kidding!
You suck!
You suck!
You suck!
How could you possibly
suck any more?
Sucker.
I suppose that's him?
Yeah, that's him.
No, no, no.
Thanks for meeting us.
Sure.
How are you, Joe?
How's the business?
- You mean the pyramid scheme?
- Yeah.
It all fell apart.
We were banking on that money, Henry.
And now all I got is a garage
full of dumb Korean plastic.
- Excuse me, um... what does that mean?
- Kitchenware.
You see what happens
when a person tries to go legit?
It's killing me.
- It's gonna be OK.
- Really? It is?
You know how much diapers cost?
Huh?
You know how much it costs
to send a kid to college?
You're sending your baby to college?
No, of course not.
But the kid needs stuff.
Stuff that's expensive.
Stuff he deserves.
Joe, we might be able to help.
Yeah? How?
We might have a job for you.
No fooling.
These things are hot.
I'm on fire.
So what do you think?
I think we should get some guns and
get the money through the front door.
No guns. People could get hurt.
- What about fake ones?
- They're still guns.
Joseph, we're not doing
one of those stupid robberies
with tellers and tears
and chump change.
We're digging right through
to the belly of the beast.
(KNOCKING) Henry.
Darek wants you on the stage.
Now. Henry?
I hope we don't get caught.
He's on his way.
Oh, thank you for joining us, Henry.
I hope you're worth the wait.
OK, er... places for
Lopakhin buys the orchard, all right?
Let's pick it up from there.
Places, please, for Lopahkin's speech.
# Some people say
# You got to fight
for a love that's true
# Climb every mountain
# To see every trial
and tribulation through
# And I'm here to tell you
# Ooh, that's only half the lesson,
yeah
# Now if you want a girl
to come to you
# You've got to leave
a little room for guessing, yeah
# Whoa, just be easy, baby
# That girl'll come a-running to you
# If you'll just be easy, baby
# Ah, she'll be easy too
# Don't you know, I don't want
a man down on his knees, no
# Runnin' her down
lik e a mouse at the cheese
# You got to be metal
if you want her affection
# You get too excited
and she's off in another direction
# So be easy, baby
# That girl'll come a-running to you
# If you'll just be easy, baby
# She'll be easy too
# Whoa, be easy, baby... #
What do you guys think?
- If it's a boy, do I cut him or not?
- If you mean his dick, yeah.
You!
First I see you guys in the bank,
then I see you guys
in the alley next to the bank,
now I see you coming out
of the theatre behind the bank.
I know what you're up to, gentlemen.
So what's on your mind, Frank?
Indigenous currency retrieval
and exchange.
Once a month,
a truck goes to all our partner banks
across the border to Canada,
takes up all the currency
and brings it back home.
Let's say, on average,
eight to twelve million
held in our vault for a short time
before it's picked up
for redistribution.
Only a bunch of fools
would rob that bank any other time.
I could give you the dates.
I could help you with the alarms,
I could be your guy on the inside.
Um... hypothetically,
let's just say you were right
about what we were doing,
which you're not, of course,
um... why would you help us
rob your own bank?
- Got my reasons.
- This sounds like a set-up, man.
I don't fuck around, kid.
Like I said, I got my reasons.
Well, you'll just
have to forgive us, Frank.
We have to hear 'em.
Wife got sick a few years ago.
Insurance wouldn't pick up
all the cost so I went to the bank.
They wouldn't help
cover the difference.
We were going to retire to France.
The Loire valley.
We had to use all of our savings
to cover the bills.
Spent everything we had.
Then she died.
I been 30 years at that place.
I'm sorry.
November 23rd.
The money's dropped off at eight
and picked up at midnight.
(SIGHS) I retire in two weeks.
This is it.
You set up that table,
I'll make sure dinner arrives hot.
Look,
why should I be ashamed to say it?
Oh. Why should...
Why should I be ashamed to say it?
I love him. I love him.
My love is like a stone round my neck
and it's dragging me down
to the bottom.
But... I love my stone.
I... I can't live without it.
For God's sake,
the man has robbed you!
Oh, no, no, no. Don't say that!
He's a scoundrel.
Everybody sees it but you.
A petty scoundrel. A user.
And you are what? 26 or what?
Ah, please, please,
please, please, stop.
No. Look. (GROANS)
Djula, I can hear you
because you're acting very loudly.
But I can't feel you.
(SNIFFS)
Can I ask you a question?
- It is very personal.
- Mm-hm.
Have you ever been in love?
- Of course.
- Huh. Liar.
Fuck you, Darek!
Then show us!
Show us what love is all about.
How it rips you apart
and then puts you together.
It carries you to the heavens
and then smashes you to the ground.
Now, if you want
to become a great actress,
then you
have to reveal something, Djula.
What are you so afraid of, huh?
Maybe you want to die
old, alone, unemployed.
Is that what you want, hm?
Djula!
Oh, that's right, Djula.
Run, Buffalotto. Run.
You're very good at that.
Five minutes, people.
Five minutes, everyone.
(SOBS)
- (KNOCKING)
- What?
- Are you OK?
- (WHIMPERS)
I... hate him.
I'm a good actress.
I am a damn good actress.
What, I have to love someone
to be a great actress? Horse shit.
I've heard it my whole goddamn life.
- What?
- That I'm cold.
No, you're not.
Ice cold.
Arctic cold.
What?
What?
I can't do it.
- You can't do what?
- I can't leave her, Max.
Leave who? Do what?
- I can't do this.
- Henry.
Henry, listen.
You forced me out of jail to help you
and I'm gonna goddamn help you.
See, I got through my whole life with
my mouth, you know, bullshitting.
I've been nothing
but a fucking coward.
But now I am going to do something.
So here's the deal, Henry.
We're gonna dig this tunnel.
Then we're gonna rob the bank
and we're gonna take the money,
we're gonna put it in a car
and then we are going to drive away.
Do you understand, Henry?
Yeah.
Yeah.
(SIMON) Henry to the stage, please.
Henry to the stage.
Lopakhin to the stage.
(LAUGHTER ON TELEVISION)
I'll be right out.
Take a chance on life.
Take a chance on (SINGS) Buffalotto.
Oh, I hate this commercial.
- I like it.
- Why?
You're in it.
Come on. I'm starving. Let's go.
We have to do it opening night.
- What?
- It's the only time we can get in.
- But that's in two days.
- Yeah.
So you're leaving?
Yeah.
Wow.
Oh, wow.
Fuck.
Fuck, Henry.
- I was thinking we could meet.
- What?
I was thinking California.
You were thinking
we could meet in California?
Yeah.
You know what?
You really are a thief, Henry.
I mean, California?
Why would I go anywhere with you?
You can't cross a fucking street.
You wreck my play,
you make me an accessory to a crime.
I should call the cops
and you should go to hell.
- I didn't know it would be this way.
- Henry, you're a bank robber.
You're a bank robber. Henry.
You're a bank robber.
Th... I mean,
you knew that you had to leave?
- No.
- That's exactly what you wanted.
- So that we could be together.
- Don't touch me! Don't touch me!
You know what?
We screwed a couple of times.
Right? So what?
- It was more than that.
- No, really, just a couple of times.
We both knew
this would never work out, right?
- I didn't.
- I did.
Go rob your bank.
Go!
(DOOR CLOSES)
(SCREAMS)
You're a good man, Henry.
Yeah, Max.
Enjoy the show.
Enjoy the show.
Tonight, my dear players,
we can show our audience
that the future is something
we really need to fear.
And to recognise that
knowledge itself is never more real
than in the beauty
of our imagination.
No, no, no.
Shh, shh, shh.
As we say in my home country,
go out there and break some dicks.
Off the cushion in the corner,
double into the centre pocket.
- (LAUGHTER)
- Ten minutes, people, ten minutes.
(MUSIC BEGINS)
Curtain.
- (TRAIN WHISTLE)
- Thank God the train is in.
- What time is it?
- Almost two.
It's light already.
- How you doin', Frank?
- Doing good, Bernie.
(Real good.)
(LAUGHTER AND GREETINGS)
(GASPS) Oh, my, the nursery!
Oh, my dear, sweet,
beautiful nursery.
I used to sleep here
as a little girl.
Your train was two hours late.
How do you explain that?
Is that good management?
I'm still like a little girl.
(BEEPING)
You ever think what you could do
with all that money, Frank?
I know what you'd do.
You'd buy the Bills
and put them in first place.
- It'd take more money than that.
- (LAUGHS)
Hey, get in there, get in there.
I guarantee it, I'd get 'em back into
the Super Bowl within two seasons.
Perfect. Another chance to lose.
Oh, my childhood,
my innocent childhood.
I used to sleep in this nursery.
I looked out from here
into the garden
and I woke up happy every morning.
Oh, my cherry orchard.
(DOOR SLAMS)
Well, this is it, Frank.
We got you something.
A little er... retirement gift.
- Oh, thank you, guys.
- We wanted it to be from France.
Where is he?
Where is that old geezer?
It stinks in here.
- Oh, break a leg.
- The play's already started, Max.
Oh, right. Oh, Julie. Goodbye.
Goodbye, confidence man.
Go. Go! Go!
Nice of you to join us, old man.
Just do your goddamn job.
What? What now?
Oh, no. No, no, not again.
- (RETCHES)
- Jeez! Give me that.
- Sorry.
- Give me that. "Sorry"?
You're a pussy, you know that, Joe?
You're a real pussy.
Get off the cord.
(DRILLING)
(LAUGHS) What should we do?
Tell us what to do.
I tell you every day. Every day
I say the same thing over and over.
You must rent out the cherry orchard
and the rest of the estate for
villas at once, right this second.
- (GIGGLES)
- The auction is coming up very soon.
But it's all so vulgar.
(GIGGLES)
Aaaahhh!
Welcome to my world, bitches.
Fuck, yeah.
Is the cherry orchard sold?
- Yes.
- Who bought it?
- I did.
- (SIGHS)
I bought it.
Wait a minute. Don't rush me.
I'm all dizzy.
I can't talk.
(BREATHLESS) Oh.
(LAUGHS AND CRIES)
When we got to the auction,
Deriganov was already there.
He bid 30, I bid 40,
he bid 45, I bid 55.
You see, he kept going up five
while I went up ten.
Well, it didn't take very long.
The gavel sounded
and now the cherry orchard is mine.
Mine!
God! God in heaven!
The cherry orchard is mine!
Tell me I'm drunk.
Tell me I'm out of my mind.
Tell me I'm dreaming.
- Is that it?
- Yes, it is.
What's that, Eddie?
It's a gun, Max. Joe, take the money
and put it in the car. Now.
Joe.
- Just stay where you are.
- Don't fuck with me, old man.
You wanna shoot me?
You're gonna have to kill me.
- No, no, no.
- Listen, stay out of this.
What are you doin', Eddie?
Welcome to the party, Brando.
- What are you doin', Eddie?
- It's money, Henry, money.
Come on, Eddie.
We're here, we're done.
Shut up, Joe.
Take the money out to the car now.
Go on, move. Move.
No happy ending for you, my friend.
- Agh! You animal!
- (CRUNCHING)
Aaargh!
Aaarghhh!
(BONES CRUNCHING)
Max.
(SIMON) Places, act four.
Places, act four.
Act four places, people.
It's going very well, everyone.
I gotta get on stage.
Son of a bitch.
The peasants
have come to say goodbye.
They're good fellows,
Yermolai Alekseyevich,
but, in my opinion, a little stupid.
You gave them everything
in your purse. Lyuba, that was wrong.
I couldn't help it.
I couldn't help it.
Won't you please
come and drink a glass as a goodbye?
Oh, man.
Stop the car.
Joe, stop the car.
We can't stop the car, Henry.
- It's the getaway car.
- Stop the fucking car, Joe.
Stop the fucking car, Joe!
Stop the fucking car!
What the hell are you doing?
He's leaving.
Leaving?
Grapefruits as big as your head, Max.
All-you-can-eat sunshine.
OK, kid. I'll be seeing you.
Yeah.
I'll see you.
What's going on?
Just forget about it.
Let's get the hell out of here. Drive.
Don't speed.
Dear Mother used to love
to walk about in this room.
My sister. My sister.
- Mama!
- Ah-ooo!
I'm coming.
(AXES CHOPPING)
(CHOPPING ECHOES)
(MUSIC ECHOES)
(SOBBING)
Wait! Wait!
(MUTTERING FROM AUDIENCE)
I had to come back.
I couldn't get on the train.
The moment I stepped on the platform,
the blood drained from my heart.
I knew I would never see you again.
What... is he doing?
I had to come back.
Oh, come on, Henry.
What is this? What are you doing?
This is the only way you'll listen.
(SOBS)
(WHISPERING)
You should have gotten on that
stupid train. You made a mistake.
The mistake would have been leaving
and not telling you how I feel.
Don't pretend you care!
All you care about is money!
- You think it's about money?
- Yes.
- It's never been about money.
- My sister. Everything all right?
- Get out!
- Don't you have a train to catch?
Get out! Go away!
Well, here he is,
ladies and gentlemen.
The selfish peasant who's taken
the orchard right out from under us,
who's destroying it
right in front of our very eyes.
Sometimes
you must destroy in order to create.
We have to let go of our pasts
in order to live.
You are no angel.
I see what you are by your actions.
I came back, didn't I?
I came back for you.
Henry, just...
...leave.
Meet me in Moscow.
Get off the fucking stage.
What? What are you running from?
What are you afraid of?
- I'm not afraid.
- Yes, you are.
- Of what, Henry? Tell me.
- You're afraid...
...because I love you.
What?
Meet me in Moscow.
Tell me you'll meet me in Moscow.
(WOMAN) Go with him!
(MAN) Meet him in Moscow!
(Henry, you're bleeding.)
- Meet me.
- Light... lights down ten.
OK.
Ten more.
(Djula.)
(Say yes.)
Ah, fuck, Henry.
# Let them knock upon my door
# Until their hands
are black and blue
# I'm not answering for no one
# Until my man and I are through
# Ooh
# When we're makin' love
# You know the world
ain't got nothing
# Oh, nothing to do
# Cos when we're makin' love
# I won't answer to nobody but you
# Nobody but you, babe
# I ain't gonna answer to nobody,
no, no
# They can call me on the phone
# But no matter
how many times that phone rings
# I'm not pickin' up for no one
# Until that fat lady sings
# Ohh
# When we're makin' love
# Now you know the world
# Ain't got nothin'
# Oh, nothing to do
# When we're makin' love
# I won't answer to nobody but you
# Oh, yeah, yeah
# Listen now
# People, they ask a lot of me
# Always want more than
they got of me, yeah
# Let them say I'm hard to find
# I'll do what I got to do
# And bring it all home to you
# It's your love
# I got on my mind
# Let them wait, let them wonder
# Where I go and what I do,
oh, yeah, yeah
# I'm not answering to no one, no
# Until you and I are through
# Mmm, well
# When we're makin' love
# Whoo
# You know the world
# Ain't got nothin'
# Oh, ain't got nothin' to do, no, no
# When we're makin' love
# I won't answer to nobody but you
# Nobody but you
# Nobody but you, oh
# I ain't gonna answer
to nobody but you, baby
# Oh, no matter
how many times the phone rings
# Who's knocking at the door
# I'm not gonna answer,
no, no, no, no, no
# I ain't gonna answer,
no, no, no, no
# Ain't gonna pick up the phone
# Don't you try, no, no
# Nobody, nobody, nobody
# But you
# I ain't gonna answer to nobody... #
# Answer me
# Sweet Jesus,
don't you hear me calling you?
# I need you, Lord
# Answer me
# Sweet Jesus,
don't you hear me calling you?
# I need you, Lord
# Lord, I've run out of words to sing
# All I can do right now is moan
# I may not pray,
lik e all of a sudden
# But let me know
my prayer's being heard
# Answer me
# Sweet Jesus,
don't you hear me calling you?
# I need you, Lord
# Lord, Lord, answer me
# Sweet Jesus,
don't you hear me calling you?
# I need you, Lord
# Lord, I've held on a long time
# And all my action depends upon you
# I've been patient
and highly understanding
# Now I don't know
what there is left to do
# Answer me
# Sweet Jesus,
don't you hear me calling you?
# I need you, Lord
# Answer me
# Sweet Jesus,
don't you hear me calling you?
# I need you, Lord
# Answer me
- # Answer me, Lord
# Answer me
- # Answer me, Lord
# Answer me
# Answer me
# Answer me
# Answer me
# Answer me #
- Wow.
- Sit down.
Thanks.
How was your night?
Good. How was yours?
Good.
This is great.
Your shift's at 8.30?
- You're not eating?
- I already did.
You OK?
Are you going to go with me
to Cindy and Bill's this weekend?
Sure. What time?
For the baby shower?
Right.
- I don't want to go.
- (COUGHS)
You don't?
I want Cindy and Bill to come here.
Cindy and Bill are welcome here
whenever they want.
Henry.
Don't you think it's time?
You're talking about kids.
Of course I am.
- OK.
- "OK", you want kids?
I love kids.
Henry, do you still love me?
Of course I do.
Cos I know that you used to.
- What happened?
- (KNOCKING AT DOOR)
Henry Torne.
Eddie Vibes.
So how you been?
- I'm OK. What's going on?
- (GROANING)
Ah, we got a man down here.
I was wondering
if we could come in for a second.
Joe! Joe. Come on.
- (GAGGING)
- Oh, oh, oh.
- (GASPS) You feel really hot.
- I'm sorry.
Come with me.
Just get right to the back.
- Straight back to the kitchen.
- I'm sorry.
- Goddamn sausages at Pinwheels.
- Yeah?
So, er...
we're in a bit of a bind here, Henry.
We got a big play-off game
in the next half-hour
and buddy boy there's
our first baseman.
But as you can see,
he's not exactly game-ready.
So what do you say?
(GROANING)
Feel like playing a little ball?
It's November.
Yeah. They keep the field
in pretty good shape.
- Oh.
- (RETCHING)
Oh, God. OK. OK.
(RETCHING)
So what do you say?
(COUGHING)
Henry?
(SIGHS)
So where's this game?
Near Kaisertown,
about er... 15 minutes away.
Appreciate you driving, Torne.
Sure.
Just pull over here.
Stop and get some beer money
at the ATM.
Good.
So, er... hang tight.
We'll be right back.
Keep the engine running, OK?
- Le petit caf, Frank.
- Merci, merci.
- A bientt, Pierre.
- A demain, Frank.
(ALARM)
Hey, you! Freeze!
Freeze!
We know this wasn't your deal, Torne.
These people aren't your friends.
Why stick up for 'em?
You got a wife, you got a job.
Don't you care?
You're looking
at three to seven, Henry.
All you gotta do is say something.
The court sentences Henry Torne
to three years in prison
for the crime of
Felony First-Degree Armed Robbery.
Hey. Excuse me.
(FLUSHING)
I'm Max.
- Henry.
- Henry, good.
Um... what are you in for?
- What?
- What are you in for?
Bank robbery.
Nice. Clean, simple. I like it.
- I didn't do it.
- No, of course not.
Mistaken identity.
What are you in for?
Life.
Just...
Put it anywhere. It doesn't matter.
It's not like you got much choice.
(ALARM)
Come on, hurry up, it's breakfast.
Come on.
Monday is wholewheat bun day.
What are you thinking?
- Nothing.
- You can't be thinking nothing.
Let me guess. You're thinking,
"How in hell did I get here?"
How do you think we all got here?
I don't know.
We committed crimes, Henry.
But we committed to the wrong thing.
See, that was a mistake.
We never fulfilled our potential.
See this guy here in the middle?
Don't stare at him.
Name's Hector.
He wanted to be a doctor.
Thanks.
And he could have been a good one.
Well, good or bad, I don't know.
But he chose not to fulfil
his potential. Now look at him.
So I'm talking about bad choices.
I recommend these potatoes.
They're really terrific.
Give him a little extra,
please, Charlie. Thank you.
See, the real crime
is not committing to your dream.
What is yours, anyway?
- My what?
- Your dream.
Not sure I ever had one.
Never had a dream?
I mean, what kinda life's that?
I don't know. A pretty good one.
Hm.
I don't er... mean any offence, Henry,
but you're in jail.
Are you going to eat
the rest of this wholewheat?
- No.
- Thanks.
- Hi.
- Hi.
How are you?
I'm OK.
How about you?
I'm good.
You look beautiful.
Henry...
...there's something
I have to talk to you about.
OK.
(SIGHS)
I fell in love.
Oh.
I just... I mean, it just happened.
I'm really sorry.
- It's all right.
- You're not mad?
No.
I want you to be happy.
Hey, Max, when's your next review?
November.
Show us
what you did last time for the board.
I'm working. Stop.
- What? One time.
- Come on, show us.
- Show us!
- Leave me alone, OK?
- Just once, come on.
- Come on!
Pain in the ass. All right.
So last time, um... I'm sitting there,
and um... the Head of the Board
comes and says,
"OK, Max, what are you going to do
for us this time if we let you out?"
I get the old twitch working,
and I go...
"Well, um...
"I'm going to break into your house
"and then I'll kill your dog
and set the house on fire.
"Then I'll dance through your garden
"naked like some
mad, crazed werewolf.
"And I'll bite and I'll mangle
"and I'll tear the tongue
out of everything that's breathing.
"Then I'll hurl myself into the sky,
"the ethereal sky, flaming,
"like God's darkest angel.
"And I'll explode
into a goddamn heavenly fireball.
"Boom.
"Boom! You guys wanna see this?
"I can't wait. Boom."
What? What?
You scared the shit out of me,
I tell you.
Well, believe me,
I ain't going anywhere, thank God.
- (RAZOR BUZZING)
- When's your review coming up?
- Next month.
- You gonna twitch like your cellie?
- Nope.
- You don't like it around here (?)
Everyone knows Henry's innocent (!)
- (LAUGHTER)
- Board doesn't like you denying it.
- I didn't do the crime.
- But you got the time.
So you might as well have done it.
I kinda like that.
That's funny, know what I mean?
If you did the time, you might as
well have done the crime. It's cute.
You're cute too, kid.
Get up. You're finished.
- Get out of here.
- Thanks, Max.
(RUNNING WATER)
You never did tell me
what your dream was, Max.
What?
You never told me your dream.
- I'm living it.
- Really?
Well, yeah.
I mean, it's easy, living in here.
I got nothing to prove,
all you really gotta do is show up
and they even do that for you.
So, er... it's nice. It's good, yeah.
This place is horrible, Max.
Well, that makes me wonder
why er... Why didn't you ever talk?
- When?
- Back then. When you had the chance.
I mean, why?
I felt maybe this was my way out.
Oh. Was it?
Yeah.
- Bullshit.
- What do you mean?
I mean bullshit. Nothing's changed.
I mean, whether you're
out there or you're here...
...the truth is, Henry,
you're still the same guy.
Sorry.
(DOOR BUZZING)
(DOOR CLOSING)
Have you got everything, kid?
Hey, Max, maybe you should
think about getting out of here.
Listen. The only thing I ever missed
in 23 years is maybe a hot bath.
To tell the truth, I don't think
that's worth walking out of here for.
Torne, let's go.
I hope I never see you again.
# One hundred days,
one hundred nights
# To know a man's heart
# One hundred days,
one hundred nights
# To know a man's heart
# And a little more
before he knows his own
# You know a man
can play the part of a saint
# Just so long
# For a day come
# When his true
# His true self unfolds
# Yes, it does
# He may be mellow
# He may be kind
# Treat you good all the time
# But there's something just beyond
# What he's told... #
Henry.
Hey.
Hey, Debbie, Henry's here.
- Come in. Make yourself at home.
- Thanks.
Don't mind me.
I'm just setting up for my meeting.
Hey, you want a beer?
- Sure.
- Honey, mind getting Henry a beer?
Hi.
Hi.
(LAUGHS) I know.
That's everything you wanted.
Thanks.
- Are you happy?
- I am.
I'm glad.
What are you gonna do now?
Honey, they're starting to arrive.
Maybe you'd be interested, Henry.
You could be a Jin Chi distributor.
It's Korean kitchenware,
the future of food storage.
Plus if you recruit distributors
you get paid even more.
- You mean like a pyramid scheme?
- No. Not... No. Not...
It's a multi-layered
marketing paradidgem.
Anyway, give it some thought.
Listen, Henry, I just wanted
to say thank you, you know.
For what?
For not giving up my name.
- I don't know your name.
- Sure you do. It's Joe.
You're welcome, Joe.
I'll see you, Deb.
(TV) ...with as much as three inches
in the Buffalo South towns,
and it will be getting colder.
You look at the extended outlook
and you see all these flakes,
but they're only going to be
scattered light snow showers,
so most of our accumulations
will be tonight
and a little bit more tomorrow.
(TV JINGLE)
Tak e a chance on life.
Tak e a chance on (SINGS) Buffalotto.
(SCREECHING TYRES)
What are you doing?
What the fuck are you doing?
Are you OK?
Stan, I... I gotta call you back.
I just ran someone over. OK.
You idiot! You weren't even
looking where you were going.
- Are you OK?
- Yeah.
- Is he OK? Is he all right?
- I think so.
Don't get up. I'll call an ambulance.
- No, don't. I'm OK.
- Hey, it's you.
Yeah, me.
You know what,
he walked out into the street.
I saw it all. You were on your phone.
- You weren't even paying attention.
- I was.
- I know how to drive.
- You know what?
Just park. I'll take him to the caf.
Where are you going?
Stay on the ground.
There we go. There we go.
So they let you out, huh?
Yeah.
Un verre d'eau, Pierre.
Thanks.
Did you call an ambulance?
It's OK. I really am fine.
Fine for a guy who just got run over.
Lucky, I guess.
I think someone should look at you.
Hello. Guy.
Do you wanna see someone?
- You look familiar.
- What?
Oh. Oh.
- That.
- What?
Take a chance on life.
Take a chance on (SINGS) Buffalotto.
- Oh. That's you.
- Unfortunately, yeah.
Er... I mean, look,
you seem to be OK, right?
Yeah, I'm OK.
Great. So I can go now, right?
- Sure.
- OK, then.
Goodbye.
And, you know, be more careful.
(CAR HORN)
I told you I never wanted
to see that face again.
So?
I figured it out.
- Figured what out?
- My dream.
Oh, that's good. So what is it?
The bank.
- The bank is your dream?
- Yeah.
- Um... what bank?
- The one I didn't rob.
- That's your dream?
- Yeah.
What kind of
cockamamie dream is that?
I did the time,
I may as well have done the crime.
Yeah. Time, crime, right.
- So what do you say?
- About what?
- Will you help me?
- Help you what?
(Will you help me rob the bank?)
You came to jail to ask me
to help you rob a bank?
Yeah.
I missed you, Henry.
You've got your review coming up.
- Yeah, so?
- So you can get out of here.
- It's not that simple.
- Yes, it is.
- It's not.
- It is.
No, it is not.
This is my home, buddy.
This is not a home, Max.
It's a prison.
Call it what you like. I'm happy here.
Max.
You can't die in this place.
I can die
pretty much wherever I want.
I'm asking for your help.
I need your help.
- I got cards, kid.
- Max.
Come on. Look, I've thought about...
# I got a thing on my mind
# Sure enough gonna find it
# I got a thing on my mind
# Sure enough gonna find it
# Don't let nobody tell me
# My thing, it won't come true
# Cos I ain't lying down
# Till I get my dues
# I got a thing on my mind
# I'm sure enough gonna find it... #
God knows, I love my country.
I love it deeply.
I couldn't see out of the train window,
I was crying so much.
(LAUGHS) But I must drink my coffee.
Firs, coffee. Firs?
Where's Firs?
I'm sorry, Firs is sick today.
- What?
- He's... He's sick.
He's sick. You know it. Continue.
Fine, I'll pretend Firs is here.
Thank you, Firs, you dear old man.
I'm so glad to find you still alive.
I said I'm so glad
to find you still alive.
He's a little deaf.
Your brother Leonid Andreyevich
says that I'm an upstart,
a money-grubber.
He can say whatever he likes.
I don't care. A bit.
I just want you to believe in me.
Like in the old days.
I just want your wonderful tender
eyes to look on me like they used to.
(RUSSIAN ACCENT) No, no, no, no, no.
Stop, stop. It just is bloody.
No! Simone.
It's too small. It's too safe.
- Stop showing me that safe face.
- Good, I won't.
No, I'm not talking about you.
You're doing the best you can.
I'm talking to you.
- What are you doing?
- Me?
Yes.
Well, I... I'm listening.
Listening?
Well, it looks like you're...
...hearing, and to hear is to be weak.
To listen is to be strong.
Why? Because to listen is an action.
No. What... What is that?
It's an action. I'm listening.
I mean, is that what you want?
Is that what you mean?
- No, Djula.
- Mm-hm. OK.
Then what do you want?
You're performing, you're performing.
Nothing comes out.
You're just performing. Performing.
Well, that's what I do, Darek.
I'm an actress.
You can call yourself
whatever you want,
but so far
you haven't shown me anything real.
You see, here on stage,
every moment, every word,
every breath should be a risk.
Where is your risk, Djula?
I don't know, Darek. In your ass?
Good! Finally she's listening! Hah!
From the top, everybody.
I'm going to grab some coffee.
Well, you do that, Djula.
Go and grab a coffee.
Let's all have coffee and think about
what we're willing to risk in life.
What are you doing here?
You here to sue me?
- No.
- Good.
(DAREK) 20 minutes. I don't care.
- Is it always like that?
- What?
- That.
- In rehearsal?
- Yeah.
- It's a process.
Looks complicated.
Yeah, it is.
- Madame Julie.
- Coffee, Pierre.
("JE VEUX VIVRE" FROM
GOUNOD'S "ROMEO ET JULIETTE")
You want one?
- Sure.
- Deux.
- Deux cafs.
- Oui.
Thanks.
(SIGHS)
You looked like you were listening.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Really?
In a way.
Yeah. Yeah, I wasn't.
I wasn't. I was playing it safe.
You know, "The Cherry Orchard"
was Chekhov's last play.
He was dying when he wrote it.
It's kind of perfect.
- Why?
- Because it's my last play, too.
Here in Buffalo.
I'm leaving. Right after this.
So who are you?
You mean my name?
OK.
I'm Henry.
Well, I wanna thank you
for not suing me, Henry.
Au revoir, Madame Julie.
Ciao, ciao.
Mr Saltzman, please tell the Board
why you believe
we should grant you a parole.
Come on, Mr Saltzman.
What have you got for us this time?
Mr Saltzman?
Come on, Max.
(DOOR BUZZER)
See you, George.
- I knew you could do it.
- Yeah.
Um...
...where is your car?
I don't have a car.
You don't have a car?
I sold it.
Well, what is the matter with you?
You come to pick me up
and you don't have a car.
That is not the way
you pick up a person!
Yes, it is. I'm here.
I'm picking you up.
Look, I really don't know about this.
I think I'm making
a pretty big mistake.
Look, Max,
the bus station's just a short walk.
Bus station?
Don't worry, Max.
Carl? Hey, Dave!
Let me in, will you? Open up!
Max, it's gonna be OK.
Are you kidding me?
This is your plan?
An old cartoon in a pissoir?
- It's a start.
- No, this is 80 years ago.
Wait. I tell you what we do.
We do it the old-fashioned way.
- We go in with guns.
- No guns.
- Why?
- Someone could get hurt.
That's very sweet of you, Henry.
Maybe the tunnel's still there, Max.
Yes, I'm sure it is, right (!)
- Maybe it is.
- Maybe it is.
But maybe it's not.
I tell you what we do.
First we go to this bank of yours
and see if that's there.
It is.
I'm sure it is. But maybe it's not.
Now, which kind of account
would you like to open?
Well, which kind have you got?
Er... savings, interest-only,
commercial...
Excuse me for interrupting.
I was just thinking,
it's such a small world.
My uncle... My uncle, he put all his
money in your vault when I was a kid.
I mean, after we came from Europe.
Before the War.
The brownshirts and...
Well, what was my point, anyway?
I... Yes, and I remember him,
my uncle, telling me
that your vault
would probably be here for 300 years.
- Well, we hope he's right.
- The man was never wrong.
Er...
how long has that vault been here?
Er... since 1891.
Wow. And I'm just assuming
it's in the same spot.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Exact same spot.
History, son. It's all about history.
As I was saying,
we have savings, interest-only...
Again, pardon me,
but you'll have to just give us
a little time to decide
which of those we prefer.
But I want to thank you so very much.
- Oh, well, no, thank you.
- No, thank you for being so kind.
OK, we'll get in touch with you.
Have a nice day, gentlemen.
The vault is somewhere in here.
The tunnel runs somewhere under here
and ends up somewhere in there.
It's virtually robbing itself,
isn't it?
Goddamn Chekhov shit!
Jesus. Henry?
Hi.
Julie, Max. Max, Julie.
How do you do?
- What are you doing here?
- Er...
I was er... I was just showing Henry
the place where I used to perform.
Oh. What?
- That's lunch, Julie.
- Oh. Thank God.
Yes,
Chekhov can be extremely difficult.
It sometimes takes
a cast-iron stomach.
- Why, you know Chekhov?
- Of course.
Next to Gorbachev,
he's my favourite Russian.
Excuse me, would you mind terribly
if I er... took a look inside?
It's been maybe 30 years
since I've been in there.
- Really?
- Yes.
Well, er... yeah, sure.
Very kind of you.
How are you doing?
Great (!) I'm in hell.
Home again.
- What shows did you do?
- Ma'am?
What productions were you in?
Ah.
Er... some of the greats.
Er... Shakespeare, of course.
Er... Ibsen, er... Yeats, Williams.
Yeats. Yeats?
What play did Yeats write?
No, it was about Yeats,
when he was a young man.
Julie. Excuse me. Julie,
Mary wants to fit your wig at four
and Darek says to stay hungry.
- Fuck him.
- Got it.
Um...
can I be a bit of a nuisance, please?
I'd very much appreciate
a small tour around the old place,
if you wouldn't mind.
He used to perform here.
- I suppose it's OK. We're on a break.
- Oh, thank you.
- Henry?
- Sure. Go ahead.
Julie, thanks so much.
Is that your dad?
- No, he's a friend.
- Really? Cos he seems like your dad.
It's peaceful out here.
Ah, the inner sanctum.
Like it was yesterday.
Down here.
People often make the mistake
of going down
but in Chekhov,
you must always, always go up.
- Bring back some memories?
- Oh, indeed.
Let me tell you something.
Did you know that there used to be
a speakeasy here during Prohibition?
And they hid the booze in the bank.
Exactly.
Did you know there was a tunnel?
There was a tunnel.
I know that. I know that.
As a matter of fact, that tunnel...
That tunnel was um...
I know where it is.
- I'll show it to you.
- Really?
- Mm-hm.
- Um...
You did some acting yourself,
didn't you?
I could tell.
"The Cherry Orchard".
So what's it about?
A woman returns to her family estate
in the Russian countryside
and she realises that she has
to sell her beloved cherry orchard,
which is
the magical place of her youth.
It's the only place
she's ever felt safe.
And it's about um...
being forced to let go of the past
and create a new life
in order to survive.
We're going to have to be quick
because Arnold hates
people in his dressing room.
- Arnold?
- Oh, Lopakhin.
Of course.
Hello?
And I think it was right here.
Yeah.
Huh. Amazing.
(TAPS ON HOLLOW WALL)
Oh, boy. Lots of whisky.
Filled with ladies and gentlemen.
The good old days. Can you imagine?
- (TAPS THE WALL)
- I think they sealed it up in 1931
when they built the theatre.
Yeah, times have changed.
Well, all good things
must come to an end, unfortunately.
So what's your story, Henry?
- My story?
- Like, what do you do?
I'm figuring that out.
Does that mean you don't have a job?
I er...
...just got out of prison.
- Prison?
- It sounds worse than it is.
Really? Cos prison sounds bad.
Why were you there?
Are you a murderer or something?
No. Do I look like one?
- No.
- What do I look like?
Oh, this place is
just full of treasures.
Thank you so much.
It was great. Thank you.
- And thank you, Simon.
- My pleasure.
- And I'll see you tomorrow.
- Tomorrow?
Max has offered
to volunteer at the theatre.
Oh.
Work.
Work. It's time to work,
you lazy Americans.
(TAPS ON STAGE)
Even you, Djula. Top of act two.
What are you doing afterwards?
- Why?
- You like Chinese?
- Yeah.
- Jinlan?
- Yeah, it's OK.
- Eight o'clock?
Sure.
- Great.
- Great.
Djula, can we please start?
Stay out of prison.
- Djula, please.
- Yes, yes!
- Can we start?
- I'm here!
Good. You're coming in stage right.
I can see it all, Henry.
The bank,
the vault, the theatre, the tunnel.
See,
we got all the pieces of the puzzle
sitting right there on the table.
Now all we gotta do
is put 'em in the right order.
The only thing is the dirt.
Where does the dirt
from the tunnel go?
What about the vault?
- I'm thinking dirt right now, Henry.
- OK.
(EXHALES)
How do I look?
- Huh?
- How do I look?
You look like Henry.
You gonna be all right?
Yeah, we had a great day, kid.
Have yourself a nice dinner.
Julie.
Sorry I'm late.
That guy's a total dick.
Hi, Henry.
Hi. So how was the rehearsal?
I feel like duck.
Yeah, I think I'm good.
The reviews are mostly good.
But the problem is I don't just
wanna be good. I wanna be great.
And I don't just
wanna be great in Buffalo.
Where, then?
Don't laugh.
Hollywood.
I guess that's where people go.
Yeah.
You know, I just don't want my legacy
to be a Buffalotto commercial.
You know what? It's not going to be.
Because the moment
this thing is done, I'm out of here.
I'm just... I've gotta get out
before it's too late.
Sounds like a plan.
Yeah.
I hate fortune cookies.
I like 'em.
Are we going anywhere in particular?
Mm-hm.
You want some?
- No.
- No?
Come on, take a chance.
Take a chance on life.
There's a whole bunch of bodies
down there just churning around,
caught in the current.
So what did you do before jail,
Henry?
I worked at a tollbooth.
- Yeah? Which one?
- Eden.
- No!
- Yes.
Yay! I had family on the other side.
We must have seen
each other 100 times.
So, er... wow.
You were one of those guys
in the tollbooth with the er...
those weird... those rubber gloves.
Yeah.
What's so funny?
It's just...
You were watching everyone
go someplace
and you were going nowhere.
- That's funny?
- Yeah.
It's funny-sad.
So what did you go to jail for,
Henry?
- Trying to rob Buffalo Savings Bank.
- What?
I thought I was on my way
to a softball game but I... wasn't.
- But now I'm gonna rob it for real.
- What?
I'm going to rob it for real.
You're going to rob the bank
that you went to jail for robbing?
Yeah.
- There's a tunnel.
- What tunnel?
It runs from the bank to the theatre.
- My theatre?
- Yeah.
Fucking hilarious, Henry.
You know what?
- What?
- I'm hungry.
- For what?
- Ice cream.
Ice cream.
Let's get some ice cream.
I can't believe I'm sitting here.
Neither can I.
I want to dance and clap my hands.
I think I must be dreaming.
You know,
"God knows, I love my country.
"I love it deeply.
"I couldn't see out of the train window,
I was crying so much."
Page 21.
Could you read Lopakhin?
Sure.
"I have to go to Kharkov on the
five o'clock train. Such a bother.
"I wanted to stay and talk to you.
"You're as wonderful as ever."
Read the next line.
"Even more beautiful,
"and dressed like a Parisian...
You could blow me down."
Um...
could you say it like you feel it?
Like it's real.
Just say it to me.
OK.
"Even more beautiful.
"And dressed like a Parisian...
"You could blow me down."
You're good. That's really good.
You know what, I want you to keep
reading, but get up and walk around.
- "Your brother Leonard..."
- Leonid.
- Leonid.
- Leonid.
"Your brother Leonid says
I'm an upstart. A money-grubber."
Yes, you are, Henry.
You're a bank robber.
"He can say whatever he likes.
I don't care a bit.
"I just want you to believe in me
like in the old days."
Again.
"I just want you...
"I just want you to believe in me
like in the old days.
"I just want
your wonderful, tender eyes
"to look at me like they did then."
Say it without the book now.
"I just want
your wonderful, tender eyes
"to look at me
"like they did then."
Oh, I'm so glad I ran you over.
Me too.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Good morning.
- Henry!
- Morning, Max.
Hey, listen. I figured it out.
The dirt from the tunnel
goes on the roof.
Ah, company.
- Good morning, Max.
- I'm sorry about the um...
- It's all right. She knows.
- She does?
I didn't know the dirt
from the tunnel goes on the roof.
Don't worry.
I'm not going to tell anyone.
Could I just have a second with you?
Pardon us, will you?
- What do you mean, you told her?
- I told her.
- You told her everything?
- Yeah.
Henry, it's a crime.
A crime's supposed to be secret.
- It's OK, Max.
- No, it is not. It's not kosher.
How do you like your bacon?
Crispy.
- What were you in prison for, Max?
- I was a confidence man.
You mean a con man?
I um... I don't like that word.
Er, "confidence"
is a little more elegant.
"Confidence" comes from the Greek
"fides", meaning faith and belief.
Greek?
I thought it was Latin.
Well, yes, it is... it is now.
So, essentially, you make people
feel good and then you rip 'em off?
Yes. But I was always a little better
at the feeling good part
than I was with the ripping off part,
hence jail.
Aren't you worried
about getting caught?
Well, it's kind of
a win-win situation for me.
Why?
I like jail.
What about you, Henry?
You like jail?
No.
I like it out here.
So why would you take the risk?
Or is it the money?
Well, it must be the money.
Boy, you are a criminal.
You're a greedy little criminal.
Your brother Leonid says
I'm an upstart. A money-grubber.
But I don't care a bit.
I just want you to believe in me
like in the old days.
Cute! You remember. Good!
Excuse me.
- Excuse me.
- What?
- Um... what exactly was that?
- It was Chekhov.
Chekhov?
- Oh, of course. Yeah.
- We read it last night.
Yeah. He was so good.
- You're really good. He's a natural.
- He is.
Um... I thought you guys
were out on a date last night.
We were.
So now
going on a date is reading Chekhov?
- Yeah.
- Uh-huh.
I gotta get to the theatre.
Um... excuse me. Excuse me.
Um... can you give me a ride
to the theatre?
Why?
I'm a volunteer now.
You were never in any of those plays,
were you?
No.
But can you give me a ride?
- (CRYING)
- Why didn't you listen to me? Why?
We can't turn back the clock now,
poor dear.
Crying, crying, crying.
Oh, God. This is driving me crazy.
- What?
- We could be digging right now.
- We could?
- If we were in that dressing room.
- It's rehearsal. There are people.
- Right. Just pissing me off.
Well, what can we do, Max?
What?
- I got an idea.
- What?
What if you played Lopakhin?
- What?
- If you played Lopakhin,
we could
get into that tunnel any time.
They have a Lopakhin.
- What if they didn't?
- What do you mean?
What do I mean?
What if they didn't have a Lopakhin?
I can't be Lopakhin.
I'm not an actor.
You're not a bank robber
and you're doing that.
Max, come on.
- She said you were a natural.
- So?
So a natural is a natural.
And a natural means you can do it.
- It doesn't.
- You're gonna be Lopakhin.
- There has to be another way.
- No. This is the way.
- I don't know, Max.
- You want the bank, don't you?
- Yeah, I do.
- Then you're gonna be Lopakhin.
End of story. You're gonna be great.
I swear to you.
- It's crazy.
- You're gonna be great.
I'll call you back.
Darek, she's taking
a phone call in the middle...
I did not take it.
It's exactly what I did not do.
Listen, I was thinking here,
you could step backstage.
(SHOUTING)
- What's going on?
- You unprofessional...
- Mr Milodragovich.
...shit!
Arnold's quitting.
- What?
- He's quitting.
We're talking about Willie Loman.
The West End.
A Ken Waterstone production.
Ooh, a Ken Waterstone production!
The heavens have opened (!)
You're a lucky boy. Well, go, yes.
Run, run to that
pampering, populist...
(SIGHS) Great (!)
...piece of shit Ken Waterstone
and his finest productions. Ha!
Goodbye, Darek. I'm sorry.
Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo (!)
(SHOUTS)
We could have auditions
this afternoon.
- I have a list of...
- That's a shit list!
What do you want me to do?
I can't hear you when you're yelling.
What?
No, no, no, sorry.
I can't give you a ride.
I know, no. Before I start,
I just want you to remember
that you said he'd be a natural.
Stan, let me call you back.
- What?
- Henry.
- Henry what?
- He'd be perfect.
Perfect for what?
For Lopakhin.
You mean
Henry should play Lopakhin?
- Yes.
- What the fuck! He's not an actor!
Exactly. He's natural.
He'd just be playing himself.
Just give this a little thinkage.
The man is Lopakhin.
I mean, he's a man
who's come from nothing,
he's a man who's not afraid to create
a new life, put his past behind him,
and he's a man in love with you.
Er... Madame Ravinsky.
Ranevsky.
- What did I say?
- Ravinsky.
- I did?
- It's Ranevsky.
That's weird. OK.
Can you maybe
get him in to see Darek?
What's going on here, Max? Hm?
What's going on? What are you doing?
Listen. The truth is,
you need a Lopakhin
and Lopakhin needs a dressing room.
You did this, didn't you?
OK, that... that's fair enough.
OK. OK.
Confidence man.
- Now, get out.
- I was just... I was getting out.
Thanks.
You have no training,
you've never been in a production.
You don't even know the play.
I've read it.
I think I know this scene.
Oh, you think you know? What?
You're a peasant, a nobody.
Start.
Your brother Leonid Andrevich
says I'm an ups...
How can you perform Chekhov
and not be able to say Andre-ye-vich?
- Say it.
- Andreyevich.
Good. Got the name right. Continue.
Your brother Leonid Andreyevich
says I'm an upstart. A money-grubber.
A what?
- A money-grubber.
- Really?
Are you?
- No.
- No?
- No!
- No? But convince her, not me.
Convince her!
Your brother Leonid Andreyevich
says I'm an upstart. A money-grubber.
He can say whatever he likes.
I don't care a bit.
Neither do I.
I just want you to believe in me,
like in the old days.
Now, do you, Djula?
Show me. Tell me.
Yes, please can you show us
something we don't know?
Good God in heaven.
My father
was one of your father's serfs,
and your grandfather's serf
before that.
Boring!
It's all ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.
It must come from here.
Speak with your heart.
She's your angel.
Beg her. Beg her for forgiveness.
(Because you're going
to destroy her life.)
(Ask her for forgiveness.)
My father
was one of your father's serfs,
and your grandfather's serf
before that.
But you, you did so much
for me in the old days.
I'd forgotten all that.
I love you.
Like a sister.
More than a sister.
You piece of shit! Don't you ever...
(LAUGHS)
Not bad, Djula. Give me a hug.
- No.
- Give me a hug.
- No.
- Give me a hug.
No.
Come here. Come on.
I want to hold hands. Simone!
(GIGGLING)
Argh!
(SIGHS)
Does this make me an accessory?
I think so.
Depends.
On what?
If I get caught.
Things have certainly gotten
more interesting since you showed up.
You mean, since you ran me over.
It's not about the money, is it?
- No.
- Then why are you doing it?
I used to go along with everything.
I didn't know I could change it.
So now I'm changing it.
And robbing a bank is changing it?
It already has.
Can everybody gather round?
Darek wants to address the cast.
Thank you for coming, everybody.
I would like to introduce to you
Henry Smith.
From today, he's going
to do the part of Lopakhin.
If you please.
Thanks. Thank you.
Looking forward to it.
OK, let's take five minutes.
We'll go from the top of act three.
Top of act three, people.
Hold it.
Lower.
Henry.
That is a shit-pile of brick.
Yeah.
I think we might need
another pair of hands.
(TV SPORTS COMMENTARY)
No! No!
No!
You've gotta be kidding!
You suck!
You suck!
You suck!
How could you possibly
suck any more?
Sucker.
I suppose that's him?
Yeah, that's him.
No, no, no.
Thanks for meeting us.
Sure.
How are you, Joe?
How's the business?
- You mean the pyramid scheme?
- Yeah.
It all fell apart.
We were banking on that money, Henry.
And now all I got is a garage
full of dumb Korean plastic.
- Excuse me, um... what does that mean?
- Kitchenware.
You see what happens
when a person tries to go legit?
It's killing me.
- It's gonna be OK.
- Really? It is?
You know how much diapers cost?
Huh?
You know how much it costs
to send a kid to college?
You're sending your baby to college?
No, of course not.
But the kid needs stuff.
Stuff that's expensive.
Stuff he deserves.
Joe, we might be able to help.
Yeah? How?
We might have a job for you.
No fooling.
These things are hot.
I'm on fire.
So what do you think?
I think we should get some guns and
get the money through the front door.
No guns. People could get hurt.
- What about fake ones?
- They're still guns.
Joseph, we're not doing
one of those stupid robberies
with tellers and tears
and chump change.
We're digging right through
to the belly of the beast.
(KNOCKING) Henry.
Darek wants you on the stage.
Now. Henry?
I hope we don't get caught.
He's on his way.
Oh, thank you for joining us, Henry.
I hope you're worth the wait.
OK, er... places for
Lopakhin buys the orchard, all right?
Let's pick it up from there.
Places, please, for Lopahkin's speech.
# Some people say
# You got to fight
for a love that's true
# Climb every mountain
# To see every trial
and tribulation through
# And I'm here to tell you
# Ooh, that's only half the lesson,
yeah
# Now if you want a girl
to come to you
# You've got to leave
a little room for guessing, yeah
# Whoa, just be easy, baby
# That girl'll come a-running to you
# If you'll just be easy, baby
# Ah, she'll be easy too
# Don't you know, I don't want
a man down on his knees, no
# Runnin' her down
lik e a mouse at the cheese
# You got to be metal
if you want her affection
# You get too excited
and she's off in another direction
# So be easy, baby
# That girl'll come a-running to you
# If you'll just be easy, baby
# She'll be easy too
# Whoa, be easy, baby... #
What do you guys think?
- If it's a boy, do I cut him or not?
- If you mean his dick, yeah.
You!
First I see you guys in the bank,
then I see you guys
in the alley next to the bank,
now I see you coming out
of the theatre behind the bank.
I know what you're up to, gentlemen.
So what's on your mind, Frank?
Indigenous currency retrieval
and exchange.
Once a month,
a truck goes to all our partner banks
across the border to Canada,
takes up all the currency
and brings it back home.
Let's say, on average,
eight to twelve million
held in our vault for a short time
before it's picked up
for redistribution.
Only a bunch of fools
would rob that bank any other time.
I could give you the dates.
I could help you with the alarms,
I could be your guy on the inside.
Um... hypothetically,
let's just say you were right
about what we were doing,
which you're not, of course,
um... why would you help us
rob your own bank?
- Got my reasons.
- This sounds like a set-up, man.
I don't fuck around, kid.
Like I said, I got my reasons.
Well, you'll just
have to forgive us, Frank.
We have to hear 'em.
Wife got sick a few years ago.
Insurance wouldn't pick up
all the cost so I went to the bank.
They wouldn't help
cover the difference.
We were going to retire to France.
The Loire valley.
We had to use all of our savings
to cover the bills.
Spent everything we had.
Then she died.
I been 30 years at that place.
I'm sorry.
November 23rd.
The money's dropped off at eight
and picked up at midnight.
(SIGHS) I retire in two weeks.
This is it.
You set up that table,
I'll make sure dinner arrives hot.
Look,
why should I be ashamed to say it?
Oh. Why should...
Why should I be ashamed to say it?
I love him. I love him.
My love is like a stone round my neck
and it's dragging me down
to the bottom.
But... I love my stone.
I... I can't live without it.
For God's sake,
the man has robbed you!
Oh, no, no, no. Don't say that!
He's a scoundrel.
Everybody sees it but you.
A petty scoundrel. A user.
And you are what? 26 or what?
Ah, please, please,
please, please, stop.
No. Look. (GROANS)
Djula, I can hear you
because you're acting very loudly.
But I can't feel you.
(SNIFFS)
Can I ask you a question?
- It is very personal.
- Mm-hm.
Have you ever been in love?
- Of course.
- Huh. Liar.
Fuck you, Darek!
Then show us!
Show us what love is all about.
How it rips you apart
and then puts you together.
It carries you to the heavens
and then smashes you to the ground.
Now, if you want
to become a great actress,
then you
have to reveal something, Djula.
What are you so afraid of, huh?
Maybe you want to die
old, alone, unemployed.
Is that what you want, hm?
Djula!
Oh, that's right, Djula.
Run, Buffalotto. Run.
You're very good at that.
Five minutes, people.
Five minutes, everyone.
(SOBS)
- (KNOCKING)
- What?
- Are you OK?
- (WHIMPERS)
I... hate him.
I'm a good actress.
I am a damn good actress.
What, I have to love someone
to be a great actress? Horse shit.
I've heard it my whole goddamn life.
- What?
- That I'm cold.
No, you're not.
Ice cold.
Arctic cold.
What?
What?
I can't do it.
- You can't do what?
- I can't leave her, Max.
Leave who? Do what?
- I can't do this.
- Henry.
Henry, listen.
You forced me out of jail to help you
and I'm gonna goddamn help you.
See, I got through my whole life with
my mouth, you know, bullshitting.
I've been nothing
but a fucking coward.
But now I am going to do something.
So here's the deal, Henry.
We're gonna dig this tunnel.
Then we're gonna rob the bank
and we're gonna take the money,
we're gonna put it in a car
and then we are going to drive away.
Do you understand, Henry?
Yeah.
Yeah.
(SIMON) Henry to the stage, please.
Henry to the stage.
Lopakhin to the stage.
(LAUGHTER ON TELEVISION)
I'll be right out.
Take a chance on life.
Take a chance on (SINGS) Buffalotto.
Oh, I hate this commercial.
- I like it.
- Why?
You're in it.
Come on. I'm starving. Let's go.
We have to do it opening night.
- What?
- It's the only time we can get in.
- But that's in two days.
- Yeah.
So you're leaving?
Yeah.
Wow.
Oh, wow.
Fuck.
Fuck, Henry.
- I was thinking we could meet.
- What?
I was thinking California.
You were thinking
we could meet in California?
Yeah.
You know what?
You really are a thief, Henry.
I mean, California?
Why would I go anywhere with you?
You can't cross a fucking street.
You wreck my play,
you make me an accessory to a crime.
I should call the cops
and you should go to hell.
- I didn't know it would be this way.
- Henry, you're a bank robber.
You're a bank robber. Henry.
You're a bank robber.
Th... I mean,
you knew that you had to leave?
- No.
- That's exactly what you wanted.
- So that we could be together.
- Don't touch me! Don't touch me!
You know what?
We screwed a couple of times.
Right? So what?
- It was more than that.
- No, really, just a couple of times.
We both knew
this would never work out, right?
- I didn't.
- I did.
Go rob your bank.
Go!
(DOOR CLOSES)
(SCREAMS)
You're a good man, Henry.
Yeah, Max.
Enjoy the show.
Enjoy the show.
Tonight, my dear players,
we can show our audience
that the future is something
we really need to fear.
And to recognise that
knowledge itself is never more real
than in the beauty
of our imagination.
No, no, no.
Shh, shh, shh.
As we say in my home country,
go out there and break some dicks.
Off the cushion in the corner,
double into the centre pocket.
- (LAUGHTER)
- Ten minutes, people, ten minutes.
(MUSIC BEGINS)
Curtain.
- (TRAIN WHISTLE)
- Thank God the train is in.
- What time is it?
- Almost two.
It's light already.
- How you doin', Frank?
- Doing good, Bernie.
(Real good.)
(LAUGHTER AND GREETINGS)
(GASPS) Oh, my, the nursery!
Oh, my dear, sweet,
beautiful nursery.
I used to sleep here
as a little girl.
Your train was two hours late.
How do you explain that?
Is that good management?
I'm still like a little girl.
(BEEPING)
You ever think what you could do
with all that money, Frank?
I know what you'd do.
You'd buy the Bills
and put them in first place.
- It'd take more money than that.
- (LAUGHS)
Hey, get in there, get in there.
I guarantee it, I'd get 'em back into
the Super Bowl within two seasons.
Perfect. Another chance to lose.
Oh, my childhood,
my innocent childhood.
I used to sleep in this nursery.
I looked out from here
into the garden
and I woke up happy every morning.
Oh, my cherry orchard.
(DOOR SLAMS)
Well, this is it, Frank.
We got you something.
A little er... retirement gift.
- Oh, thank you, guys.
- We wanted it to be from France.
Where is he?
Where is that old geezer?
It stinks in here.
- Oh, break a leg.
- The play's already started, Max.
Oh, right. Oh, Julie. Goodbye.
Goodbye, confidence man.
Go. Go! Go!
Nice of you to join us, old man.
Just do your goddamn job.
What? What now?
Oh, no. No, no, not again.
- (RETCHES)
- Jeez! Give me that.
- Sorry.
- Give me that. "Sorry"?
You're a pussy, you know that, Joe?
You're a real pussy.
Get off the cord.
(DRILLING)
(LAUGHS) What should we do?
Tell us what to do.
I tell you every day. Every day
I say the same thing over and over.
You must rent out the cherry orchard
and the rest of the estate for
villas at once, right this second.
- (GIGGLES)
- The auction is coming up very soon.
But it's all so vulgar.
(GIGGLES)
Aaaahhh!
Welcome to my world, bitches.
Fuck, yeah.
Is the cherry orchard sold?
- Yes.
- Who bought it?
- I did.
- (SIGHS)
I bought it.
Wait a minute. Don't rush me.
I'm all dizzy.
I can't talk.
(BREATHLESS) Oh.
(LAUGHS AND CRIES)
When we got to the auction,
Deriganov was already there.
He bid 30, I bid 40,
he bid 45, I bid 55.
You see, he kept going up five
while I went up ten.
Well, it didn't take very long.
The gavel sounded
and now the cherry orchard is mine.
Mine!
God! God in heaven!
The cherry orchard is mine!
Tell me I'm drunk.
Tell me I'm out of my mind.
Tell me I'm dreaming.
- Is that it?
- Yes, it is.
What's that, Eddie?
It's a gun, Max. Joe, take the money
and put it in the car. Now.
Joe.
- Just stay where you are.
- Don't fuck with me, old man.
You wanna shoot me?
You're gonna have to kill me.
- No, no, no.
- Listen, stay out of this.
What are you doin', Eddie?
Welcome to the party, Brando.
- What are you doin', Eddie?
- It's money, Henry, money.
Come on, Eddie.
We're here, we're done.
Shut up, Joe.
Take the money out to the car now.
Go on, move. Move.
No happy ending for you, my friend.
- Agh! You animal!
- (CRUNCHING)
Aaargh!
Aaarghhh!
(BONES CRUNCHING)
Max.
(SIMON) Places, act four.
Places, act four.
Act four places, people.
It's going very well, everyone.
I gotta get on stage.
Son of a bitch.
The peasants
have come to say goodbye.
They're good fellows,
Yermolai Alekseyevich,
but, in my opinion, a little stupid.
You gave them everything
in your purse. Lyuba, that was wrong.
I couldn't help it.
I couldn't help it.
Won't you please
come and drink a glass as a goodbye?
Oh, man.
Stop the car.
Joe, stop the car.
We can't stop the car, Henry.
- It's the getaway car.
- Stop the fucking car, Joe.
Stop the fucking car, Joe!
Stop the fucking car!
What the hell are you doing?
He's leaving.
Leaving?
Grapefruits as big as your head, Max.
All-you-can-eat sunshine.
OK, kid. I'll be seeing you.
Yeah.
I'll see you.
What's going on?
Just forget about it.
Let's get the hell out of here. Drive.
Don't speed.
Dear Mother used to love
to walk about in this room.
My sister. My sister.
- Mama!
- Ah-ooo!
I'm coming.
(AXES CHOPPING)
(CHOPPING ECHOES)
(MUSIC ECHOES)
(SOBBING)
Wait! Wait!
(MUTTERING FROM AUDIENCE)
I had to come back.
I couldn't get on the train.
The moment I stepped on the platform,
the blood drained from my heart.
I knew I would never see you again.
What... is he doing?
I had to come back.
Oh, come on, Henry.
What is this? What are you doing?
This is the only way you'll listen.
(SOBS)
(WHISPERING)
You should have gotten on that
stupid train. You made a mistake.
The mistake would have been leaving
and not telling you how I feel.
Don't pretend you care!
All you care about is money!
- You think it's about money?
- Yes.
- It's never been about money.
- My sister. Everything all right?
- Get out!
- Don't you have a train to catch?
Get out! Go away!
Well, here he is,
ladies and gentlemen.
The selfish peasant who's taken
the orchard right out from under us,
who's destroying it
right in front of our very eyes.
Sometimes
you must destroy in order to create.
We have to let go of our pasts
in order to live.
You are no angel.
I see what you are by your actions.
I came back, didn't I?
I came back for you.
Henry, just...
...leave.
Meet me in Moscow.
Get off the fucking stage.
What? What are you running from?
What are you afraid of?
- I'm not afraid.
- Yes, you are.
- Of what, Henry? Tell me.
- You're afraid...
...because I love you.
What?
Meet me in Moscow.
Tell me you'll meet me in Moscow.
(WOMAN) Go with him!
(MAN) Meet him in Moscow!
(Henry, you're bleeding.)
- Meet me.
- Light... lights down ten.
OK.
Ten more.
(Djula.)
(Say yes.)
Ah, fuck, Henry.
# Let them knock upon my door
# Until their hands
are black and blue
# I'm not answering for no one
# Until my man and I are through
# Ooh
# When we're makin' love
# You know the world
ain't got nothing
# Oh, nothing to do
# Cos when we're makin' love
# I won't answer to nobody but you
# Nobody but you, babe
# I ain't gonna answer to nobody,
no, no
# They can call me on the phone
# But no matter
how many times that phone rings
# I'm not pickin' up for no one
# Until that fat lady sings
# Ohh
# When we're makin' love
# Now you know the world
# Ain't got nothin'
# Oh, nothing to do
# When we're makin' love
# I won't answer to nobody but you
# Oh, yeah, yeah
# Listen now
# People, they ask a lot of me
# Always want more than
they got of me, yeah
# Let them say I'm hard to find
# I'll do what I got to do
# And bring it all home to you
# It's your love
# I got on my mind
# Let them wait, let them wonder
# Where I go and what I do,
oh, yeah, yeah
# I'm not answering to no one, no
# Until you and I are through
# Mmm, well
# When we're makin' love
# Whoo
# You know the world
# Ain't got nothin'
# Oh, ain't got nothin' to do, no, no
# When we're makin' love
# I won't answer to nobody but you
# Nobody but you
# Nobody but you, oh
# I ain't gonna answer
to nobody but you, baby
# Oh, no matter
how many times the phone rings
# Who's knocking at the door
# I'm not gonna answer,
no, no, no, no, no
# I ain't gonna answer,
no, no, no, no
# Ain't gonna pick up the phone
# Don't you try, no, no
# Nobody, nobody, nobody
# But you
# I ain't gonna answer to nobody... #