Hire a Woman (2019) Movie Script

Will you marry me?
Yes, yes, I'll marry you. Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my goodness! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Look at you!
You guys, you guys,
pose, pose, pose, pose.
Oh, my God!
Do you need me to feed you?
No, babe.
Man, you guys!
Since I posted it, my notifications
have just been blowing up.
I can imagine.
I have so many notifications,
but I just want to finish this food
so can I have...
Just chill
Oh, Toyosi just responded.
- Ah, yeah!
- What's she saying?
- She's so excited.
- Aw.
I miss her so much. I haven't seen her
in such a long time.
Yeah, even Emeka, all of them.
What do you guys think,
a reunion, six of us, like old times?
Yeah, like, a reunion getaway,
without any interruption.
Brilliant. Brilliant.
Trust me, it's going to be fun.
That would totally be our pre-wedding
getaway. What do you think?
- I mean, except it'll be the six of us.
- Six of us.
How did it go?
How did what go?
How did what go?
Your friend's proposal, of course!
Oh, erm, I didn't make it.
I was caught in traffic.
Considering the fact
that we covered up for you,
don't you think you owe us lunch?
Mm-hm. And you are buying.
- Mm-hm.
- Guys, come on.
Guys how?
Uh-uh. Do we look like guys?
Whatever. All right? I have work to do.
Ah, ah, ah. And we look like
we are playing now?
Don't we do
the same work in this office?
Pay him no attention.
He wants to collect
Employee of the Month again,
after collecting it
ten months in a row.
The way you are going,
I wouldn't be surprised
if The Guinness Book of Records
comes and give you an award.
Employee of the month!
But seriously, guys, I can't do lunch.
- Are you serious?
- Eh?
Has it changed?
What's your business?
- Tell us, has it changed?
- None of your business.
- What is the problem?
- Is she there?
Who is Nife?
Let us change her.
Zainab, Zainab.
Eh? Who is Nife?
- Sorry.
- OK, let's give him some...
Wants privacy, does he?
Not to talk of privacy.
What's up?
What's wrong?
There's this reunion that I and
my friends from university are having
at Whispering Palms...
Whispering Palms!
Oh, that...
That's the place I told you now
- that I have my family reunion.
- Oh, yeah! Wow!
So, what happened?
Why you sad? What's the problem?
- What's wrong?
- Toyosi is coming.
Who be that?
- Toyosi is my ex.
- Oh. That's your ex?
The one that dumped your, er,
sorry ass
for the coolest guy on campus.
- So, she's coming. What happen?
- It's been six years.
Dude, it's six years, not six days.
I mean, things have changed.
Why you so stuck? You need to move on.
Exactly, and stop acting the fool! Fool!
- I don't know. I'm not going.
- You are going.
- No.
- Yes.
- We're gonna make sure.
- Mm-hm.
We have a plan for you.
What plan?
Plan for your reunion.
I already told you guys-
I'm not going.
Won't you at least hear the plan first?
Well, we're gonna tell you anyway.
It's called Operation #PepperThemGang.
What does that even mean?
For someone so techie, you are completely
useless when it comes to social media.
Well... in non-social media slang,
it means you are
so going for the reunion.
We don't take no for an answer.
This is your opportunity for revenge!
- But I don't want revenge.
- Well, we want it for you.
So... you're going.
At least, won't you find out
or won't you ask what this plan is?
What's the plan?
No woman wants a wimp of a man.
We want a man whose chest
is strong and solid.
And whose muscles are big and firm.
It's great if a man is smart.
But it wouldn't hurt if he is also cool
stylish, and, most importantly, trendy.
Think of Mark Zuckerberg
in Dwayne Johnson's body,
combined with stylish flair.
So, after that, what next?
You're going to go with this hot...
...you know,
very hot girl as your girlfriend.
What? I thought the plan
was just for a makeover.
Plans change.
OK, look at it as
the icing on the cake.
Where am I supposed to get this "icing"?
Yes, Teni can go with you.
Yes. Teni said her sister
hired a man at the last family reunion,
and that's how we came up with this idea.
I'm not going anywhere with him.
And I think Teni here is our best bet.
That wasn't part of the plan.
Hmm. I thought you said plans change.
Figure it out.
First of all...
I am not going with a girl.
And second...
Wait, no, wait.
I can actually hire someone
to be my girlfriend?
You know what?
Let's do this, people!
Let's do this!
I need the money that I'm going to use
to book the ride to take you two.
OK. So...
- how much is it?
- Two hundred.
- Two hundred, all right.
- Ah.
200K, duh!
Wait, wait, 200,000 naira?
Uh-uh, kobo!
No, wait, like, 200,000 naira?
What kind of ride is this?
Are we flying to the door?
Oh, my goodness!
Walk that walk, girl!
Shake that booty! Body be!
Come here, give me a hug.
You look so cute. Look at you!
- You look so good.
- Thank you.
I need to understand, as big as I am.
You guys passed and didn't see me?
You're going to get your own sugar.
Come to Daddy quickly.
Hello, my love.
How are you?
You're looking good.
- Thank you.
- Oh, my God!
- Every time you do this to me.
- Oh, you guys.
Come here.
Emeka, that's enough.
My friend, go get your own girlfriend.
What's wrong with you?
You look so good.
- Thank you.
- Oh, my God.
That's enough. Look at you guys.
- Damn, girl!
- Oh, my goodness!
Well, it's so good
to have you guys here.
- Oh, my goodness, girl!
- You look so good.
Has anyone seen Jide?
- No.
- No.
- Uh-uh.
- Yeah.
I'll try his number.
Let me try his number.
Oh, yeah, it's good to see you.
- I've seen that you put a ring on it.
- Yeah!
Oh, right.
Oh, my goodness,
he's such a great guy!
Oh, my God!
- Good to see you, too, man.
- You're supposed to be here by now.
You know how that guy acts.
He's not coming.
I dunno, maybe Jide's not coming.
Did he tell you he's not coming?
I don't know, but you know
he doesn't socialize much, so...
I mean, some things don't change, right?
Look, he's here.
- Finally!
- They hear.
Let's clap for him. Finally!
They are here! Finally!
- How you doing, bro?
- How's it going, man?
- What's up, man? You all right?
- Yeah, man.
You kept us here
like you are the captain of the boat.
No, don't be angry.
- I'm good, man.
- Hello.
I'm sorry, guys, sorry I had
to keep you waiting. I had to...
I had to pick her up.
Erm, Jane.
- Oh. Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you, Teni.
Nice to meet you, too.
Erm, erm, my, er... my girlfriend.
Oh, OK.
Oh, erm...
nice to meet you.
- My name is Nathaniel.
- Teni. Nice to meet you.
Erm, hi, Nifemi. Nice to meet you.
Same here.
Er, Emeka is my name.
Oh, hello.
That won't be necessary,
but nice to meet you, though.
...I see that somebody has finally
figured where they sell adult clothes.
Huh. This bitch is rude.
And do you know what? I've got this.
Baby, is this your ex?
- Erm...
- What's her name again?
- Erm...
- "Erm, erm, erm..."
Exactly what I thought.
He doesn't remember.
Because she's not important.
What's important is that...
you belong to me...
and she lost you.
Erm, I think we should
all get on the boat now.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, boat would be a good idea.
Boat would be a good idea.
Everyone, get your stuff.
Erm, yeah, we have to go to the boat.
- Darling, let's go.
- Yeah, we're ready.
Oh, cool, thanks.
OK, so you couples
will stay in one chalet,
while we singles stay in another chalet,
- OK, that's fine. That's all right.
- All right.
Wait. Are we supposed to share a room?
You have a problem with that?
Of course not.
Right, baby?
Wait, you said you had two rooms
in a chalet.
And there are three of us left.
Don't worry.
Me and Toyosi are sharing the room, OK?
So, you can do all your bad, bad things
in peace.
Oh, I get to keep a room to myself.
- Er, don't get too excited, OK?
- Why?
You're lucky someone
brought a tag-along.
You know what, guys?
Let's all unpack, unwind.
Guys, do whatever you guys do.
Ladies, we're going to the pool, OK?
And after that, dinner.
Yeah, whatever.
Nobody should come to my room.
Do not disturb.
Nobody. No disturbance.
Well, I like Jane, though.
- She's nice.
- Yeah, she is.
I wonder how you ended up
with the worst of the lot.
Like, did you hear at the reception
she called me a tag-along.
Teni, me, a tag-along.
Ah, there are going to be problems.
But you dig tag along, though.
- Ow!
- Are you supporting her?
No, I'm just saying, though,
I don't see what is wrong
with what she said.
Oh, really?
So, what about what she said
at the jetty?
"Someone now knows
where to buy adult clothes."
You don't see anything wrong with that?
She was just joking.
Are you serious?
Eh? So, you don't see anything wrong
with that?
It was a joke.
there is a fine line between
a joke and an insult.
She clearly crossed that line.
I don't think she was insulting me.
How would you see
when you're so stuck up on her?
Look, erm,
I know you're here to help me...
Then let me help you.
Please, let me help you.
You almost blew our cover when
they asked us to stay in the same room.
Because it's weird.
How is it weird? Eh? Are we not friends?
Maybe you have feelings for me.
Hell, no! You're crazy!
Well... in a good way, though.
Look. Teni.
I really appreciate
you coming here, all right?
With me. I really do.
But men, you showed her, though.
See, I've had bitch practice.
You people are lucky
that I've changed now.
- Eh?
- A little.
- OK, OK.
- Shh.
Huh, Teni of life.
- What?
- What is up?
Four thousand pounds!
For what?
- A complete wedding suit.
- Eh?
My friend, you are the one
who decided to use foreigners.
You'll engage most of our local designers
likes of Taiwo, Yomi casual,
all they need to do is measure you
and you'll get an authentic suit
for 200,000 only.
Oh, come on, it's a one-off.
You are a money bag.
- Yo!
- Money bags!
- How you doing, you all right?
- Yeah, good, good, good.
Ah, I don't know
where these hands have been.
Emeka, what is it?
This one that you people are coming now,
It's like you people...
What were you people doing upstairs?
You were doing quickie, right?
No. We were unpacking.
Eh, same thing, now,
unpacking all that tense energy.
Unpacking, unpacking, unpacking...
You know what?
I'm just... I'm going to go join
the girls at the poolside, OK?
- Excuse me.
- Unpack, unpack, unpack.
No, you'll stay here with us because
they have finished releasing the energy.
Emeka, see what you have caused?
That's somebody's girlfriend,
and you look like that.
The person that owns
the girlfriend doesn't mind,
yet you are slapping me.
And so what?
Even if he doesn't mind, courtesy.
- Jide, do you mind?
- Must you ogle everything in skirts?
No, I was not ogling.
I was only admiring the... the... the...
the beautiful work of nature.
I hear you.
- I hear you.
- But wait, on a serious note,
what I don't understand is...
how Jide...
was able to get that girl.
Ah-ah. What's your own now?
No, but it is true now,
because the Jide doesn't have
that much courage
to approach this kind of girl.
What if she was the one
that approached me?
My guy, take five!
They're all over you.
Dangote! Otedola!
Take a look at yourself.
They are all over you.
Come on, come off it.
That's what happens when you're not
chasing everything you see in skirts.
Like some people we know.
You are very stupid.
Let Ogun set your mouth ablaze.
What I don't understand is,
how guys want to eat
the same food every day.
- How... how... how... What?
- It's simple.
Just fall in love with the right woman.
- Eh?
- Love, yeah.
I can't... I can't just do that, though.
If you fall in love
with the right person,
love makes you stay
with that one special woman.
It's very simple.
If that one is love,
then I'm not interested.
I want to eat a range
of variety in my plate,
some ogbono, rice, afang,
and a bit of salad on the side.
That's what you call eating.
Emeka, listen.
Let me tell you something, see?
There's a certain joy that comes with...
being with one woman. All right?
Someone who shares your pain with you.
Someone who shares your joy
at the same time.
Someone who holds your hand.
Huh? Hold hand.
That is not a problem
if it's to hold my hand.
I have enough girls for that.
I have girls that will hold onto my hand.
If Funke holds my hand on Monday,
Jenifer will hold it on Wednesday.
On Sunday and Saturday,
I'll hold on to it till Thursday
They will all hold hands
all through till Jesus
Nath, please, what's up
with the wedding preparations?
Yo, bro, you don't wanna know.
It's been crazy. I just saw a suit.
Four thousand pounds.
Can you imagine?
If I buy a suit for 4,000.
You know that I'll wear it
till Jesus comes down.
Saying, "My son, take off the suit."
Let me give you
the gist they gave me, right?
They said it was not possible,
like, seriously.
It wasn't a joke.
I mean, they wrote,
"Four cows, a house on the island."
Mama was like,
"You guys may have to get me a new car."
I was like, "This is not happening."
- Wow! What will be left now?
- I don't even know.
I'm telling you, like, wow!
Here comes the addendum.
- Hey, ladies.
- Hi.
It took you a while to come out.
I hope everything is OK.
Oh, yeah. Everything is fine.
I just, erm...
I just had to take my time.
But then again,
even if everything wasn't,
I'm sure Jide can handle it.
He's a man's man.
If you know what I mean.
You know, I don't know how anybody
can date Jide and leave him.
Like, how? I mean...
Oh, towel. I've forgot my towel
in the dressing room.
Let me quickly go and get it, yeah?
All right.
Bye, ladies.
Oh, my goodness!
Was it just me or was she
actually trying to get on my nerves?
Honey, just ignore her. Just ignore her.
OK, so you agree that she was trying
to get on my nerves?
- Calm down.
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
What was that? Huh?
"Oh, Jide is a man's man."
The same Jide that I dated and dumped.
Well, she picked him up and polished him.
Come on, the girl is allowed
to praise her man, so give her a break.
- Let her do so without saying.
- All right.
"Oh, if someone didn't dump him,
I wouldn't have him."
Well, hell, yeah!
Because if I didn't dump him...
she wouldn't have him, and trust me...
- I can get him back if I wanted.
- Ah, Toyosi.
- You sound like you like him.
- I'm just saying.
I am just saying,
so she'd better be careful.
Because if she annoys me
one more time,
just one more time...
I still know Jide's weakness.
I have him wrapped
around my pretty little fingers.
All right, Jide's weakness
wrapped around wherever.
Can we all get into this sweet pool
and just relax?
I feel like we could all use swimming.
Dive in.
- Hi, ladies.
- Hi.
Is that alcohol you're drinking?
Is that alcohol you're drinking?
No, babe...
babe, this is my first class.
You know you're not supposed
to be having any at all.
But he just had one glass of wine.
I don't care if it's a drop. He knows
he's not supposed to be thinking.
He wasn't the one drinking it.
I was drinking it.
It's obvious.
- Bad company corrupts good manners.
- Babe.
- I'm bad company...
- Well, I... I told him not to drink.
You're crazy.
Er, babe, come on, listen, I'm sorry.
This is actually my first glass,
and I promise I won't do it again.
- All right?
- Seriously?
Babe, I swear to you
I will not do it again. All right?
I promise.
Aww! Now that's a true love over there.
Although for some people,
even if true love
punches them in the face,
they will never recognize it.
My dear,
carry those two true love on your chest
and punch me in my face.
Let me see whether
I wouldn't recognize it.
Punch me now.
Emeka, you're useless.
He's quite hopeless.
You guys, choose one now.
Hopeless or useless.
Oh, honey, stop it.
Stop, stop, stop.
Get a room.
- You know what? Honey!
- I'm sorry.
I'm actually really hungry,
and I think Emeka
should go get us dinner.
- Yeah.
- Make yourself useful.
Me, Emeka?
- Yes.
- Ogun... fire that your mouth there.
See, your boyfriend is there,
licking your body.
And me, I should go find
something to eat?
Eh? Make yourself useful, Emeka.
Come on, now, go get dinner.
How can one be complaining
about hunger?
Oh, Emeka, we can go get it, all right?
I mean, you're the gentleman.
I'm not a gentleman at all.
Come on,
let's impress the ladies for once.
- Impress me!
- Yeah.
If I leave here,
it's my own food I'm going to order.
I don't care about these ladies.
You know what I want.
- What do you guys want?
- I want prawns.
- Prawns.
- Get me fried rice and chicken.
- Emeka, that's for you.
- Prawns.
- Prawns and stir-fry.
- Fried rice for you.
Emeka, hook me up, please.
Erm, I just need to pee, OK?
I'll be back. Relax. I promise.
Girls, and so famished.
Extremely famished.
- Where you going?
- What?
Well, want to go and say hi to an ex
who happens to be my friend.
- Toyosi.
- What?
I won't recognize love
even if he hits me, right?
- You started it.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
She started it. Mm-hm?
She loves Jide, right?
Now, let's see how much Jide loves her.
Going somewhere?
I, erm...
Er, the key.
Excuse us.
That was right timely, don't you think?
Just watch.
We're waiting for food, actually.
Honey, I'm hungry.
I don't know what your problem is.
That was just so timely.
Speaking of time.
What was that?
Why were you smiling like a kid
who just saw candy?
She was talking to me.
We haven't had a conversation in years.
That wasn't a conversation, boy.
You were drooling.
I wasn't drooling.
- You were.
- I didn't do that.
Yes, you did.
OK, maybe I did a bit.
But she was talking to me. We spoke.
Maybe she wants me back.
Oh, wait, hold up. Wait a minute.
This is not Operation #GetTheGirlBack.
This is Operation PepperThemGang!
- Don't you get it?
- Eh, Maybe we can do both.
All right? You can pepper her,
and maybe then she wants me back.
That way, everybody gets what they want.
If that's what you want,
you're gonna get the girl back.
you must do whatever I tell you to do.
Exactly what I tell you to do.
...hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry.
Rule number one...
If she cracks a joke...
you must never, ever laugh,
no matter how funny it is.
When she asks you a question,
answer only in monosyllables.
Erm, Jide?
So, I hear that you are a tech guru
at your firm.
What's that like?
...about that, I, er...
there are a few things that, erm...
Er, great. It's... it's great.
You will in no way or form
have direct contact with her.
Avoid her as much as possible.
Jide, would you be kind enough
to pass me the salad, please?
I'll get it for you. OK?
- Ah!
- What did you do that for, now?
Get a hold of your girlfriend.
What kind of rubbish is this?
Nah, I'm OK.
- This food is tasty.
- Yeah, it is.
Zainab, I honestly wanted
to pour that salad on her.
Teni, be serious.
Be serious.
Maybe she didn't want it anymore, now.
How about maybe
she was just trying to spite me?
Are you sure?
- Teni, I really think you should chill.
- Did you hear him?
Trust our homeboy
to still be in love with her.
Very annoying.
What are you doing?
Please move away.
Don't sit beside me!
You are not sleeping
on this bed this night.
Teni, stop, now.
Teni, please, now,
take it easy with him.
Come on. Have mercy for what?
All the things I told this boy to do,
he didn't even do one single one.
Teni, but I...
But what?
But what?
Oh, Teni!
In fact, your punishment is
you're going to sleep on the floor.
Teni, please...
Teni, what is the meaning of this, now?
Are you being really serious right now?
Does this, my posture,
does it look like a joker to you?
Teni, please, I am very tired
and I'm very sleepy.
"I'm very tired and very sleepy. Please."
Go and lay down on the floor.
- This is why...
- Sweet dreams.
This is why you are very crazy.
I feel sorry for the person
that will end up with you.
Eh? You say what?
Next time, when I tell you
to do something you do it.
By the time your body pains you
tomorrow morning,
you will remember.
Come here to me, bed.
I love my space.
All the bed to myself.
I'm so free.
Please help me.
Teni, now.
Please, can you hear me?
My goodness!
You scared me.
What are you doing here?
Did you and Teni have a fight?
What are you still doing awake?
Over. Travel insomnia.
What's that?
Inability to sleep when you arrive
at a new destination.
It usually takes me,
like, two days to adjust, I guess.
OK, I don't think I've ever had that.
Not like I travel a lot.
It's people like you that spoil business
for people like me.
See your face.
Oh, come on, it's...
it's work.
I just get really occupied with work.
All work and no play.
You know what?
I think I can organize
a vacation for you.
You know, it doesn't have to be
like a very, very fancy place,
not too much money.
Nice place,
and you can also go with Teni.
What do you think?
Wait, wait, are you...
are you marketing me now?
Ah. A girl's got to make some cash.
So, if you were to recommend a vacation,
where would you advise?
I need to hear this gist very well.
Move over.
OK. So... nice.
Trust me. You haven't lived
until you've been to Paris.
Yeah. Erm...
the most dramatic city
in the whole world.
You know this.
I can't wait to go there
with someone I love.
Lucky you. You already have someone.
You've been talking to me about cities
and the world for over two hours now.
You must really love your job.
I apologize.
Trust me, I get to talking lots when
I'm passionate about something. Sorry.
It's OK. No need to apologize.
What is life without passion?
So... yeah.
So, tell me.
What are you passionate about?
Sorry. Sorry.
Good morning.
- Is it morning already?
- Mm.
It's er... 6.30.
It's already six.
Erm, sorry for sleeping off on you, OK?
It's all right.
Sorry I slept off on you, too.
I should get back to my room.
Yeah, yeah, me too.
What time is it?
Did you get any sleep?
Your eyes are red, though/
- Hm?
- You threw me on the floor.
Did you think I would get any sleep?
Er, yeah.
I slept like a baby.
I don't even think I've slept this good
in a very long time.
Did you manage to get some sleep?
No, no, no, no,
I've just had some coffee.
And I've been wide-eyed since.
I can imagine.
I see Emeka brought his PS3.
You know he doesn't go
anywhere without it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Whoa! You're pretty good.
You say that like you're surprised.
I am! Pleasantly so.
Pick up the pad,
let me beat you a little.
Oh, yeah, now.
Guys, last night was amazing.
Are you angry?
Can you imagine this guy?
What happened?
I came to ask if I could sleep in his
room and he slammed the door in my face.
Brother, I honestly wish I could tell you
that I am sorry right now,
but from the bottom of my heart...
I'm not!
Bro! Last night was gone.
We had fun
so intensely that we leveled the bed
It is totally spoilt.
Brother, look, why are you keeping
your face that way?
Look, I'm not the reason
for you and your girlfriend's quarrel.
We didn't plan to stay in
the same room in this resort.
Please, let's leave this guy.
Come on let's go...
You will hear my gist.
Come, come, come!
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
- So, the girl said...
- Let's go for a walk
- Wait, wait!
- Rubbish!
You people should come.
Let's gist, scallywags.
Damn it.
So, you, I can't believe you are vexing
for Emeka. What did you expect?
I don't mind him.
The guy's just so annoying.
Let's talk about more interesting things,
Like what?
- Like you, now.
- Me?
I mean, like, I didn't know
you were a bundle of surprises.
For example, I did know
you know how to play PS.
There are so many things
you don't know about me.
Oh, come on, that's not true.
- It's actually very, very true.
- OK. Try me.
Hmm... let's think.
How many siblings do I have?
That's easy, now. Three.
OK, that was too easy.
Oh, yeah. Hit me.
- Like this?
- No!
let me think, let me think.
Who's my favorite musician?
what's the name of the song
that won multiple awards...?
- erm...
- "Beautiful Love."
Yes! I have that song on repeat in my car
for the longest.
Me too. I love that song.
- Oh! He has a new single out.
- Really?
Yeah! It's just a few days' old now.
And I don't know it.
- I have it on my phone.
- OK, play, play, play, play.
Over to you.
It's a nice song.
- Let me hear.
- OK.
So, ladies first.
I can't believe
you heard it before me.
- So, magical.
- Yeah, he is.
You're having goosebumps.
It's kind of chilly, isn't it?
Oh, shit. Erm...
Your girlfriend.
Sorry. Let me just take this call.
Erm, hello?
Oh, hey!
Where are you guys coming from?
Oh, we, er...
we took a stroll.
- Nice. Yeah.
- Oh, OK.
Are still mad at me?
Nope. Remember, I'm kind of
getting used to you bullying me.
Good. I was just checking.
Because you know that I don't like it
when you leave me.
I miss you when you're not around me.
Aw. I'm sorry, baby.
Erm, guys, meanwhile, I heard
that tonight is their bonfire night here,
and there's going to be
lots of booze and babes.
It's gonna be lit!
Lit! Let's go!
That's the only place to see.
You guys, you know this reminds me
of school days.
You know, the parties,
karaoke night.
Give it some volume!
Run away, man!
I can remember, like,
we had so much fun.
We did. We did.
- Oh, my goodness.
- It was great.
You know, I also like karaoke...
And I remember when the six of us
used to go to the karaoke night
almost every Friday night.
Well, we all just passed our exams,
except for some of us.
My thunder strikes you there.
My thunder strikes you there.
OK? Look at doing badly
with my two-two, guys
Hello, third-class, you mean.
I have more money than you.
Ah, don't even try my baby!
Don't try my baby!
You will explode.
You don't wanna try my baby.
- Rich people don't talk.
- Exactly.
- Rich people don't talk.
- Exactly. Oh, my goodness!
Er, Jide, do you remember when we had
a duet at the karaoke night special?
Oh, yeah, you, yeah.
You see how this girl
are just using this goat to catch trips?
Jide, who sang that song?
I'm thinking Adekunle Gold, right?
No, Oliver de Coque.
How could I even forget that?
And come to think of it, I think those
were one of our best moments ever.
Are you OK?
Nah, he's fine. He's OK.
It was just a little muscle pull,
right, baby?
- Yeah, yeah, sure, sure.
- Right.
So, Jide, tell me, do you still wear
those Spider-Man boxers?
Wait, you wear Spider-Man boxers?
- Come on.
- What?
As in actual Spider-Man boxers?
Oh, my God!
No, no, but guys,
I thought it was very cute.
- It was...
- Trust me.
- Jide...
- It was back in the day.
- Jide, you wear Spider-Man boxers?
- No...
You know what? I'm done with you.
I loved it, OK?
- I like those boxers.
- I would do anything to take it back.
What you mean?
Maybe you could be drastic
and the extra and everything.
Can I, erm, see you for a minute, baby?
Like, now?
- Now.
- Sure, OK. Fine.
Good baby.
- Are you OK?
- Are you OK?
Am I OK?
Are you OK?
What did I do?
Hm, what did you not do? Eh?
First of all, you left me
out of the conversation
and made that stupid girl happy.
Teni, we were talking about our pasts.
You were not part of it,
so obviously,
you are going to feel left out.
Yeah, whatever.
What is paining me is the fact
that you allowed that girl
to play you like a violin. Ha!
And you're there just smiling.
Without an iota of shame!
My guy.
My guy, you've seen her, now.
What am I going to do?
She's like a goddess.
It's true, though. That girl is fine.
Did you really used to wear
Spider-Man boxers?
That's why she left you.
No wonder!
Even me, I forgive you.
God forbid!
Look. Love is not a respecter of boxers.
Yeah. You're actually right.
You're right.
But true love is so hard to find
these days.
So hard.
What, you've never been in love before?
I have.
I actually thought I was but...
frankly, he just...
turned out to be a jerk.
I threw him out
after our last family reunion.
The same one
your sister hired a man to?
That would have been
one hell of a reunion.
Trust me. You don't know the half of it.
Teni of life.
So, you see,
that was totally uncalled for.
Jane is right.
Jide, he is with his girlfriend,
and it's totally unfair
for you to just be
hitting on him in front of her.
Please, what are you talking about?
I haven't even done a thing yet.
You don't even like this guy,
so why you doing this?
Because I can.
You're unbelievable.
Zainab, that's how your guy
has been messing up here.
Uh-huh? Is she that hot?
I won't lie. Please, the girl is hot.
But we shall overcome.
Hotter than you?
Hotter than me?
My God!
Whatever. I hope you are
making out time to rest.
Because you need rest.
Teni, erm...
I'm going for a swim. You wanna come?
No, thank you.
I'm on the phone with Zainab.
Oh, OK. Hi, Zainab.
Give me gist. Teni, talk now.
You like gist too much.
- Anything for you.
- Yeah, you see?
- Toyosi.
- Sparta.
- What's wrong with you?
- Toyosi?
- Are you OK?
- Yeah.
Of course. Yeah, I'm fine.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah. What?
I was asking about
clothes for the wedding.
- And you just zoned out.
- Oh, erm...
Who wears black on their wedding day,
You're very distracted,
and I can see why.
It's not a funeral. Come on!
Sparta, please,
go and put on some shirts, all right?
- Go and wear your shirt, please.
- No, no, no, black. Black.
Yeah, Zainab.
Sorry that I'm calling so late.
Erm, please help me...
log onto my desktop tomorrow
and confirm it's sorted.
OK. All right. Thanks a lot, yeah.
Yeah, Teni is fine. She, er...
she went out for the...
We're having this bonfire night,
so that's where she went.
I'm gonna catch up with her later.
Yeah. Yeah.
All right. Thanks, Zee.
All right, now, take it easy.
Hello, hello? Can you hear me?
I'm in a noisy place.
Yeah, I can hear you, I can hear you.
I don't understand.
What do you mean by that?
I booked the hotel for you myself.
I booked it myself.
What do you mean
the confirmation does not exist?
You know what? Don't worry. I'll check.
Don't worry. I'll check.
I'm going in right now. I'll check.
I'll get back to you.
Just give me ten minutes.
I promise I'll get back to you.
Hey. Er, why are you going back?
Oh, I got a call from a client.
She's upset that she didn't get
a hotel booking confirmation.
So, what are you going to do?
I'll just mail her back the email I got.
That's it.
I was trying to connect
to the hotel Wi-Fi...
One second.
Oh, thank God.
No, it's OK. It's fine.
It's fine.
Yeah, enjoy your vacation.
OK, thanks. Bye-bye.
So, I take it that the problem
has been solved?
- Yep.
- Yes!
- So, you want to go back?
- No, I'm tired.
That was too long, and it's almost over.
Oh, OK.
- So, do you wanna chill somewhere?
- Yeah, sure.
- Er, have you seen Greatest Showman?
- That's my favorite movie of all time.
Are you serious?
That's my favorite movie too!
- I'm obsessed with it.
- Oh, well, that's dope, man.
It's a lie!
You're just a hater.
Me hater? You sound off-key.
Hey, best vocalist 200 level that year.
What school?
The same school that we went to?
- No!
- What are you saying, now?
Hey, no, if it's about traveling,
I know you are well traveled.
- Uh-uh.
- I know you are very intelligent.
- Oh, thank you.
- I know you're super beautiful.
- Uh-huh, that's sweet.
- Oh, you see this, er...
- music, eh?
- Mm.
God leave music for me and Wizkid.
Me and Wizkid, we are good.
- I should sing.
- OK, sing. Prove it.
Do you know, I can't the last time
I laughed this hard.
Me too, but can't remember the last time
I had so much fun.
Is she OK?
- What's wrong?
- She's frying plantain.
Emeka, what have you done do her?
He kept giving her alcohol.
- Emeka!
- You kept giving her alcohol.
She took it by herself.
I didn't give her alcohol.
You didn't give her?
But it was in your hand.
- When will you change?
- What? She's an adult.
See what you did to her.
You've got to be a gentleman.
- Oh, my God!
- Jane...
Teni, let's go. Teni, let's go.
Teni, Teni...
Stand up, stand up, stand up.
Please guide her.
Easy, easy, easy. Teni.
Ah, come on. Teni.
Teni, come on.
Easy, easy.
- Let me dance.
- No, no, no, you can't dance.
No, no, it's OK.
Please, please, just take it easy.
- Just... Wait, wait...
- Jide, dance with me.
No, no, no, no. No, no.
Dance with me.
Are you gonna dance with me?
Just... just take off your jacket.
Take off your jacket.
- We'll dance.
- You're wicked.
No, no, no.
Good. You see?
You're such a good girl. You see?
- Am I?
- Yes!
I'll clap myself.
- Yeah!
- Good girl.
Good girl!
You're so strong.
You see? And then we're done.
Easy, easy.
I want to dance.
No, no, no,
Teni, you're not dancing anymore.
You've danced enough for two years.
So, erm, Teni...
just lie down.
Oh, Jide.
Just lie down. Lie down.
Jesus Christ!
Where are you going?
I couldn't sleep, so, er,
I was strolling to look
for somewhere to just chill.
You're still having travel insomnia?
You know this.
But I'm just waiting for tomorrow.
I'll sleep like a baby.
What's your excuse?
Teni... Teni is a snoring badly.
Wow! You're a very horrible boyfriend.
But it's the truth.
Like, you can't even stay in the room.
What, what's up?
Nothing, it's not important.
Are you OK?
Anyway, I've been meaning to say, erm,
you know, all of this,
putting all of this together,
bringing all of us together
was a great idea.
Thank you.
Even though I wasn't going to come.
Why not?
For... for obvious reasons.
Toyosi, right?
What's even going on between you guys?
It's a long story.
Can we just... Let's just look for
someone to sit down and talk.
OK. No problem. Let's go.
I mean, she treated you like trash,
and... you are letting her in again.
Even though you have a girlfriend.
No, I...
I must admit...
every time I see her, my heart just...
races. You know?
- I, erm...
- But what?
If I'm going to be honest...
there's just something missing. You know?
Wait, so if Teni wasn't in the picture...
- Mm-hm.
- ...and Toyosi came running,
would you hesitate?
I guess.
OK, so now I know
there's something you wanna say.
Come on. Talk to me, now.
Nothing. Don't worry.
I thought we were sharing secrets.
Your secret's that you've been in love
with Toyosi all your life.
How is that a secret?
Everybody knows that.
OK, so, I tell you what's
gonna happened, all right?
You tell me what's going on,
and I will tell you a secret.
I like you.
I always have.
OK, erm...
I... I didn't have any clue.
You see why I shouldn't
have said anything.
I mean, you always had Toyosi.
And now you have Teni.
Teni's not my girlfriend.
- No, look...
- Wait.
Wait, what? I don't understand.
Can you explain?
I can't believe you.
I don't believe you.
The crazy things that
Zainab and Teni make me do.
Wow! So, all of this
just to make Toyosi jealous?
They call it, erm, Operation...
Something silly like that. I don't know.
- Teni's crazy.
- Oh! She is.
- She is.
- But I like her. She's cool.
I'm glad you do.
now that you don't have a girlfriend...
What are you saying?
What now?
Sorry. It's...
Yeah, yeah, it's fine.
So, you see...
- It's just a text message.
- OK.
I have to go inside.
All right.
I'm sorry.
Someone is finally awake.
How long have I been asleep?
For the better part of the morning.
Oh, my!
My head is banging.
Ah, that's the result
of excessive drinking.
Where are the others?
At the beach.
Why aren't you with them?
Well, I decided to stay back...
- Why?
- ...and make you some coffee.
Somebody has to take care of you, right?
It's hot. Be careful.
- Who are you chatting with?
- Nife.
She's asking if you are awake.
And if we are coming over to the beach.
The way my head is pounding...
I'll have to pass, but you can go.
I'll join you guys later.
Considering that Jezebel
is still in the picture.
I can see you got your groove back.
Yeah, baby.
- Ouch.
- All right.
- I'll see you later.
- Mm.
Hey, handsome.
You are just the man I wanted to see.
I don't know.
So, I, erm, I looked out for you
at the jazz concert.
But you didn't show up.
Yeah, I had, erm...
And then I thought,
"Hm, he'll come to the beach."
But no.
Are you avoiding me?
Are you sure?
I have missed you.
No. I miss you.
You miss me?
Don't you miss me?
Hey. Erm, can I sit?
Of course.
Are you OK?
I mean, aren't you meant
to be at the beach?
Yeah, we were. But I left.
And you're sure everything is all right?
You know you can talk to me.
I know I'm not really your friend,
But Jide is my friend, so you can...
So, here you are. We've been
looking for you all over the beach.
You're not even picking your calls. Why?
I left my phone in the room. That's all.
Nife, are you OK?
Someone is upset.
Come here.
What's wrong with you?
Did you do anything?
No, I didn't do anything.
I don't know what's wrong with her.
Erm, guys, I'll check up on her.
Yeah, you should do that.
- Please, bring her back.
- I will!
- All right. Careful.
- I'm going back. Bye, guys.
- All right, you wanna sit down?
- I guess so.
- You know you're doing it yourself.
- What?
- I don't know. You tell me.
- Why you so...
You're crazy.
You make me goofy.
- Get a room, guys!
- He's jealous.
Do you really believe
things are going to work?
Let's go to work.
- Are you OK?
- Yeah, I'm OK.
Are you sure?
Yeah. I just need to rest, that's all.
So, Jide and I kissed.
I'm happy for you.
Listen. I know you don't
exactly approve of Jide and I
because he has a girlfriend,
but hey, they're not married, right?
And if he really loved her that much,
he wouldn't kiss me, would he?
You got what you wanted.
Yes, but...
I think I might be liking him.
I mean, what's there not to like? Huh?
He's smart, he's buff, he's sexy.
He's my perfect guy.
Well, I guess you win.
We'll see about that.
- What's up, bro?
- What's up?
Good, man.
You all right?
Yeah. Yeah, I'm good, man.
- Oh, sorry.
- What?
I thought you don't drink.
- There's always a first.
- Oh!
Never start what you can't finish.
Take this from a man who's been there
and done that.
What are you even doing here?
Let's say I came to have a me-time.
Yo, can I have some water?
Thank you.
Thank you.
You good?
- Yeah, yeah, good.
- You sure?
- Yeah.
- All right.
- How did you do it?
- Hm?
How... how did you do it? How...
did you and Jane stay for so long?
How did you know she's the one?
Very deep.
...you see...
I'm a very real person.
I never get to pretend
when I'm with her.
I mean, I can...
I can laugh.
I try to be real.
No airs, no pressure.
When I'm with her...
I... I feel like I'm home.
And home is where the heart belongs.
And I strongly believe
mine is safe with her.
So, yeah, that's my story.
Are you OK?
You've been quiet and moody all morning.
Are you sure everything's fine?
Jane, please,
can you just give me a minute?
I just want to be on my own.
I need some air.
I'm not in the mood to talk.
All right. Sure.
Hey, what's up?
Erm, everybody's in the restaurant.
What are you doing here?
OK. Erm...
I sent you a text last night.
Did you see it?
Nife, are you OK?
Going somewhere?
- Erm...
- "Er..."
You know, I've not been able
to get over our kiss last night.
I've thought about it all...
Isn't it too early
to be stalking my man?
I don't have to stalk
what I already have.
What's going on?
Look, I, erm...
I wanna use the bathroom.
OK? Excuse me.
Nife, wait.
What's wrong?
I saw you kiss Toyosi.
- You see... It's OK.
- Nife...
It's actually fine. It's OK.
No problem.
Nife, please, wait.
I understand that she's
your Achilles' heel.
She's always been.
I can't compete with that.
I don't even want to compete with that.
Come on, Nife.
From now on,
I just want to be left alone.
Nife, come on, all right? Nife?
What's going on? Eh?
I was asking you a question
and you just walked out. What happened?
- I told you I was going to the bathroom.
- Is this the bathroom?
Can we not just do this now, please?
And I want to be left alone.
Are you going out?
Teni, I'm asking you now,
are you going out?
Teni, I'm sorry, now.
The only reason I am here is to help you.
Teni, come on.
Since you obviously don't need my help,
I'm just going to give my help to myself,
go out there and have fun.
While I leave you alone,
just like you wanted!
Get him!
Oh, shit!
You're so hopeless now.
- I won this round.
- One move.
- I won this round...
- Shut up!
You guys are still playing this game?
- Yup.
- Yeah, yes.
I'll flog you for coming on.
See? I won this round, though.
- I'll finish your boyfriend.
- Finish who?
You are still a small boy.
Up, up, up, up, up!
Boss, stay down!
- Emeka?
- Eh? What?
Are you busy?
Er, clearly.
But for you, I can be less busy.
What's up?
What's up?
- I won this round.
- How did you win?
- I won. Look, now.
- This is where you were coming to?
Is everything OK?
Maybe they're having a lovers' fight.
Yes! Oh, I meant, "Yes, I won."
You won what?
- No, no, no. They talk now.
- Round two.
- Let's play again.
- Hold on, guys. You know what I think?
I think we should do something
that involves everyone.
- Yes.
- I mean, we are all tense, guys.
- We need to relax.
- Mm-hm.
Great. Nife's here, so let's get started.
Started with what?
What rubbish Concentration is that?
You see anyone with
secondary school uniform here?
Oh, yeah, I forget something now.
Er, how about we play truth or dare?
My dear, That's the very game.
for adults.
I'll tear our shirt. What?
Can I be excused?
Me too.
Yeah, same here.
Hm. We're all going to play this game.
In fact, who is getting started first?
And where is the alcohol?
That is my department. Just stay here.
Drink, drink, drink, drink!
All right, all right, fine, fine,
I'll drink it!
Give me that.
Now it's my turn.
- Concentration, concentration.
- Concentrate.
Names of good people.
- What?
- What?
What the...?
Madam Good in Gambia.
All right, right, all right,
names of car brands that you know.
- Chevrolet.
- Bentley.
- Er...
- "Er..."
Drink or truth or dare.
- Er...
- I strongly suggest the bottle.
- Dare.
- All right. Erm, I day you to...
- kiss Emeka.
- Ah!
My dear...
- my God bless you.
- Amen!
My God will reward you.
All right, kiss, kiss, kiss.
Kiss, kiss, kiss!
Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss!
- Oh, she want a drink.
- I'll drink.
- Oh, OK.
- Give me that.
- All right, your turn.
- Yeah, OK.
- Concentration, concentration.
- Concentrate.
Names of countries.
- Germany.
- South Africa.
- Cotonou.
- Congo.
No, I said France!
- No, I said France.
- No, no, no, too late.
Boss, you failed.
So, what do you want,
drink or truth or dare?
Erm, dare.
- Dare.
- No, no, no, truth.
OK, make up your mind, truth or dare?
OK, fine, truth.
All right, I'll take this one.
Mm, so please tell me, Jide, erm...
what's the weirdest thing
you've ever done?
Tell us, Jide.
Jide, we're listening.
The weirdest thing I've...
The weirdest thing I've ever done is...
saying someone is my girlfriend
when she was not.
My guy!
That's really weird.
And if I may ask, when did this happen?
- two days ago.
- Eh?
- Whoa!
- Oh!
Two days ago?
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Wait. Oh!
Are you...
I knew there was something
fishy about you.
You see, I knew.
- What's really going on here?
- Why would you even do that?
- Why else?
- Hm?
They were obviously trying
to get me jealous.
But it's OK. It's time.
- It's OK.
- I knew it! I knew.
- What is she doing?
- Baby...
Come on, come on.
...now that she is out of the way...
can we start all over, baby?
- What?
- Hm?
He's mine.
Just wait, please. Wait, wait.
Nife, wait.
OK, guys, why don't we just slow down,
all right?
Nife, wait, please.
What? What?
Nife, look. I choose you.
What do you mean you choose me?
You just kissed her.
She kissed me.
OK. But you've always been
in love with her.
I've been attracted to her.
But not anymore.
How do I know that?
I pushed her away.
She tried to kiss me and I pushed
her away. Do you know why?
Because of you. Can't you see?
Loving you has given me courage.
I know I treat you
like a piece of furniture.
But now I'm...
I want you to be my trophy.
No, no, wait. Erm...
Shit, I got that all wrong. Shit.
Jide, come on. Look...
Knowing that you've loved me
in spite of myself...
is the greatest gift
anyone has given me.
All I'm asking for is a chance.
A chance to love you.
The chance to...
watch The Greatest Showman
five million times with you
and hear you sing off-key.
The chance to play PS3 with you,
and I don't care if you beat me
every single day.
A chance to...
to hold you in my arms and...
and dance to songs
from our favorite artists.
I want a chance at life,
a doing life together with you.
Get out of my way, bitch.
If there's anybody who's a bitch here,
that would be you.
- Toyosi...
- Don't you dare call my name.
- How could you betray me like this...
- I didn't betray you.
You don't betray me, but he loves you.
- Hm? Tell me.
- He saw the light.
You are my friend.
You're supposed to have my back.
- Not steal my man.
- I did not steal your man.
But you knew I wanted him back.
- For selfish reasons...
- Oh, shut up, tramp!
Teni, no, no, no, no, no.
- Tr...
- Teni.
You know what?
Enough of this bitch right here.
Teni, calm down.
Hey! Hey! Back, guys! Back, back!
Wait, wait, wait, wait, stop!
- Get off me!
- Hey, hey, guys!
- OK, take it easy.
- Stop it.
- Stop it, stop it!
- What are you doing?
- Stop it.
- Let me see them fight. Fight.
You know what? I've had it.
I've had it!
I've had it with all of you!
I've had it with you!
I've had it with you, you, you!
All of you! Go to hell! All of you!
Teni, it's OK. It's OK.
Go to hell!
All over you, go to hell!
What's wrong with all of you?
We all came here to have fun!
Are you guys kissing for real?
...I'm happy for you guys,
new lovebirds in town.
I'm happy for you guys.
Thank you.
- Wait, wait, but you guys knew?
- Of course, we knew!
- Wait, how?
- Look, we've been friends for so long.
It's impossible for us not to know.
We know you guys very well, now.
Congratulations. I'm, er...
I approve of you. You're a good girl.
- Who approved of who? And tell me why.
- All right.
Are you now my mother?
OK, OK, OK, sorry. Sorry.
Remind me not to fight with you again.
I remember two beautiful ladies
once told me that plans change.
I'm suave like that.
Falling in love is a beautiful thing,
but being in love, it makes
all the difference in the world.
A friend once told me that you would
know when you find the one
because she would feel like home.
She'll change the notion
that you had all your life
that a home is made of
bricks and mortar
and will let you know that it's indeed
made of flesh and blood.
Erm, I would like to propose a toast.
Oh. A toast.
To love.
And to friendship.
Both old...
and new.
- Friendship. Friendship, guys