Hollywood High (1976) Movie Script
1
The bell rings
My heart sings
And I'm out in the hall
with my best friends
Going for a ride
I feel good inside
A good time
The sun shines
She's a very good friend of mine
I don't wanna know why
It's Hollywood High
Sandy Shores
Upstream
I love the stream
Open air
That's how I feel
That's how I feel
A good time
The sun shines
She's a very good friend of mine
I don't wanna know why
Love flies by
It's Hollywood High
Sandy shores
Upstream
I love the stream
Open air
That's how I feel
That's how I feel
The bell rings
My heart sings
And I'm out in the hall
with my best friends
Going for a ride
I feel good inside
It's Hollywood High
We'll have...
Two all beef
patties, special sauce,
lettuce, cheese, pickles,
onions, on a sesame seed bun.
Candy, you gotta
stop messing around
with that horny old cop's head.
Or we'll be going to
school on Wilcox Avenue.
What's on Wilcox Avenue?
Monica, how long have you
been hanging in with us?
Oh, about 10 weeks, I guess.
Has it been that long?
Well, maybe nine weeks.
I remember.
It was right after we
caught her having lunch
in Mike Telafaro's gym shorts.
And he was in 'em at the time.
Well, it was during gym class.
Okay, Jan, so what's
on Wilcox Avenue anyway?
Wilcox Avenue is a street where
that poon-tang crazy cop
changes into his jock strap.
It's also where they
lock up the bad guys.
It could even happen to us good guys.
Don't worry.
That flake won't dare bust us.
He knows I'll tell the
captain about the time
I let him pound me with his night stick.
Gee, Candy, where was he pounding you?
Well, it sure wasn't on my head.
Where was he pounding you?
Go back to sleep, Bebe.
We'll wake you when the
train gets to Chicago.
You know, that cop
really plays with himself
in the shower.
Can you imagine him
getting caught doing it?
"Now, looky here, captain.
It's my tally-wacker and I'll
wash it as fast as I want to."
Hey, where the hell are our guys anyway?
I hope they don't forget the pup tent.
And the beer.
Mmm, I sure wish
this was a nude beach.
Come on, Monica.
You just want a chance to
check out the meat locker.
Yeah, look at the time I save later.
No big disappointment.
You mean no little disappointment.
Speaking of disappointments.
We got busted today trying to get a little
in the cloakroom.
Boy, do we need privacy.
Oh, I hate that
damn rumble-seat.
I'm beginning to feel like
the hunchback of Notre Dame.
Well, the pizza
parlor is out from now on.
Pizza?
What kind was it?
Hot pepperoni.
Oh, I love hot pepperoni.
Yeah, especially if it belongs to Mike.
Come on, let's get wet.
Are we really going to
take a train to Chicago,
'cause trains make me sick.
Come on, Bebe.
Last one in the water
gets the rumble-seat.
I may go along
Our love will keep us strong
Don't you worry about tomorrow
Don't you worry about me
'Cause the music
The music will flow free
I laugh
So easily
When you smile
So tenderly
Don't you worry about tomorrow
Don't you worry about me
'Cause the music
The music will flow free
Ridin' on the tail of a comet
Has never been an easy chore
I gotta jump on that ol' fireball
And ride forever more
Don't you worry about tomorrow
Don't you worry about me
'Cause the music
The music will flow free
Don't you worry about tomorrow
Don't you worry about me
Hey.
Whoo.
Hello.
Any of you groovy kids wanna boogie?
Hey.
Whoo.
Any of you groovy kids wanna boogie?
Why not.
Cool it, Monica.
His Tamale's not even here.
Hey, man.
You're really an upfront chick.
Say, daddy, got some beer?
Wow, where you think I'm at?
I got everything.
You wanna blow some real Cuban tobacco
and ride on my big board?
If I blow grass, I'll be
riding more than your board.
How ya hangin'?
Oooh, I'm hangin' 10.
You're a real foxy upfront chick, man.
What's with you all?
Our guys are on the way out here.
Well, what's Cuban tobacco?
Oooh.
You ain't exactly Micky Mouse.
Hey, cool it.
Hey, water freak, you think
you can handle four chicks?
My name ain't Frasier
Mendoza for nothing.
For what?
Frasier Mendoza, man.
After the lion?
Dig it.
I'm first.
Hey, cool it.
I call the shots.
First, we smoke.
Hey, cool it, Candy.
You wanna get busted for molesting?
All right.
Man, this is really great shit.
I can get zoned out.
Well, I'm getting horny honey.
Here on the beach
About a quarter to three
I wasn't doing much
I was just being me
I never gave any false
gainful employment
What I love is total enjoyment
Who'd ever guess
I'm on the beach of bandits
Golden bikini
Stop making locks
We gotta get up and rock rock rock
Who'd ever guess
I'm on the beach of bandits
I'm laying on the sand
with a chick on each side
Waiting on the surf
And we'll go for a ride
Don't know how I got
myself in this situation
What I like is a permanent vacation
Who'd ever guess
I'm on the beach of bandits
Come Marsha and Carla, Belle and Bill
I know my dreams are real
Who'd ever guess
I'm on the beach of bandits
Who'd ever guess
I'm on the beach of bandits
Golden bikini
Stop making locks
We gotta get up and rock rock rock
Who'd ever guess
I'm on the beach of bandits
Hey, sexy.
Last one in the water
rides the last board.
He's talking board-on
and we're thinking hard-on.
Come on, let's get him.
Every other day you
make a run for some beer
That's as far as we'll get
'Cause the place is so dead
When the tide's coming in
And a little of the sun
My baby's coming
And makes my motor run
Who'd ever guess
I'm on the beach of bandits
Come Marsha and Carla, Belle and Bill
I know my dreams are real
Who'd ever guess
I'm on the beach of bandits.
I'm rolling in the sand
A chick on each side
Waiting on the surf
and we'll go for a ride
I don't know how I got
myself in this situation
What I like is a permanent Vacation
Who'd ever guess
I'm on the beach of bandits
Golden bikini
Stop making locks
You gotta get up and rock rock rock
Who'd ever guess
I'm on the beach of bandits
I was laying on the beach
About a quarter to three
Wasn't doing much
I was just being me
I never gave any false
gainful employment
What I love is total enjoyment
Who'd ever guess
I'm on the beach of bandits
Golden bikini
Stop making locks
I gotta get up and rock rock rock
Who'd ever guess
I'm on the beach of bandits
Down on the beach of bandits
Down on the beach
Don't hit me in the face.
You're always stoned.
All right, cool it.
Jeez, Fenz, we've been
looking all over for ya.
Fenz's chicks screwing off, eh.
Eh.
Who's this creep?
Hi, Buzzy, honey.
Hi, bullshit.
Who's the creep?
This is Frasier.
Oh, you mean like the lion, huh?
Well, it wasn't like Micky Mouse.
I felt it.
Oh yeah?
Hey, mama, and what were you feeling?
All I feel is high.
Do you know what your
eyes are beholding?
Man, I'm not sure, man.
They're beholding the Fenzie.
You mean the Fenz?
There can be only one Fenz.
Hey, man.
I didn't know, man.
This is the Fenz and his boys' turn.
Yeah.
And nobody messes
with the Fenz's chicks.
Yeah, right on.
Hey.
Hey, Fenz.
You gonna let that guy
fly the coop like that?
Sure.
But why?
'Cause that's how I
stay so good looking.
Oh.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I want some Candy.
Beach love
Beach love
Beach love
Feeling the water's edge
Feeling my toes in the sand
Beach love
Beach love
Beach love
And when I'm holding you tight
Everything will be all right
Beach love
Beach love
Beach love
And when I'm holding you tight
Everything will be all right
Beach love
Oooh
Beach love
Beach love
Feeling the warmth of his hand
Can you hear music of the band
And when I'm holding you tight
Everything will be all right
Beach love
Beach love
Beach love
Oh god, I hate history.
Well, at least the teacher's a man.
Oh, buongiorno, class.
Buongiorno.
Well.
Buongiorno, Mr. Flowers.
Buongiorno.
Belli belli.
Today, class, we're
going to do the Greeks.
Yeah, you should've come in backwards.
Now, about those Greeks.
Now then, we have been studying the Greeks
for about a week
and you have all shown little
or no interest whatsoever.
Therefore, ergo too, you monsters,
we're gonna have a spot quiz.
These papers contain the questions
and when you hear me holler go go go,
then and then alone, you
may start start start.
Don't you dare turn over those papers
until I say go.
When I say go go go you
may start start start.
Now, you will have 15 minutes
in which to complete the test
and I don't want to hear a word
and no cheating.
Now, after me, in Greek.
Boys
are
beautiful.
Girls
are
monstrous.
Boys
are...
Mr. Flowers.
Lord have mercy.
Sacre bleu.
What is it?
I forgot the date today.
It doesn't matter.
The Greeks did not have clocks anyways.
Monster, I'll take those answers please.
Oh, my god.
It's a raid.
I mean it's a fire.
I mean it's a drill.
I mean it's a fire drill.
Everyone, out.
Out, everybody out.
Out!
Everybody, out out.
Not you.
I've decided to give you an oral.
Good evening, good evening.
This is Catman Goldstein.
The sky, which we are told
is located directly above
this morning's smog,
is reported blue, blowed, and blown.
Ha ha ha.
All right, if you got
a zit on your forehead
that is growing into a third eye,
do what I do, use Clear-all.
Don't let your face be a disgrace.
And now let's fill you
with this new sound.
It's Scott Gale and Company.
He may be dull, but
at least he's boring.
I've had him and even when he's boring
he doesn't get too deep.
Where's the guys?
Football practice.
Hey, we need gas.
We need oil.
We need air.
We need a lube job.
We need big dick.
Right.
Big dick?
You haven't met him yet, Monica.
He's been on vacation.
But he's back now.
Those gotta be his feet.
Hey, is that June
East, the old movie star?
Hey, she's not old, her movies are.
She used to be the hottest
thing in Hollywood.
Yeah, in more ways than one.
They say she buried two dozen husbands.
That's big dick?
That's funny.
Gee, I wonder why they call him Big...
Oh, I know.
It'll run okay now, Miss East,
but I gotta have 146 bucks
before I let you take the car.
How about taking it
out in trade, big boy?
I'm really sorry, Miss East.
Out of respect for your bosom and all,
but I gotta get paid for my time.
Looks like she
doesn't have the cash
to pay her bill.
That little turd won't even
give her the keys to her car.
She's a legend, a living legend.
Hey, man.
We gotta swing something for her.
Wonder what he'd take for those keys.
Me.
I think I'll drop his face in my cleavage.
I think I'm gonna get them high.
Make sure you holler if
you see our guys coming.
I don't want Monica to get
caught with her pants down.
Miss East?
June East?
Well it ain't Might Joe Young, honey.
Here you are, Miss East.
You can take your car now.
But I don't understand.
That'll little worm, Big Dick,
he said it was gonna cost me $146 in cash.
You see, Miss East, we're your fan club.
And one of our members is opening up
what you might call a
charge account right now.
Yeah, and they're
opening up real wide too.
You girls don't even know me.
But we know your work, Miss East.
And Monica sure knows hers.
I don't know how to thank you girls,
but I sure like your style.
Here's my card, honey.
Why don't you come down
and see my some time, hmm?
What's up?
Nothing after you
get through, honey.
Psst, psst.
Kevin, I don't believe what I'm seeing.
You creep.
What do you think I am.
Get your hands off me.
I don't know what to say.
I just don't believe it.
Get your hands off her tit.
Maybe French is getting to him.
Please, Miss Crotch, let
me sit somewhere else
where I'm safe.
Do you think this is
some kind of porno class?
But I was just try...
That's enough, you sex maniac.
Class is dismissed.
Not you.
You stay after class.
Now, your punishment is
to squeeze 100 times.
Commence counting and squeeze.
If you stop, I'll murder you.
Squeeze.
One
two
three.
Where's Jan?
I think she's with Kevin.
The tit-squeezer
Yeah.
I wonder if she needs any help.
You gotta be kidding.
Hey, does anybody
got any toilet paper?
No, dammit, there's
none in here either.
I got some here.
How do you want it?
Over or under?
Over easy.
And don't you miss.
I told you she's with Kevin.
Hey, that's the
only roll in here too.
Now what?
You got any folding money?
Just a five dollar bill, why?
Well, either use it
or wait till somebody comes
in here who can change it.
I've got four quarters.
Man, I'm getting hungry
I mean a lot
I take myself down to Pizza Plus pie
All my friends are there
It's time to eat
We all get down to the Pizza Plus beat
Down at the Pizza Plus hop
Let's go
Down at the Pizza Plus hop
Oh, let's go
Down at the Pizza Plus hop
That's where we hang a lot.
That's where we hang a lot.
Hey.
Scarfing down
Watching the show
Eat something, take an order to go
Down at the Pizza Plus hop
Let's go
Down at the Pizza Plus hop
Oh, let's go
Down at the Pizza Plus hop
That's where we hang a lot.
Hey, somebody gonna take
Fenzie's order or not?
What are you guys gonna have tonight?
A cup of coffee and pass it around?
What the fuck do you
know, Miss Universe herself?
Watch your mouth or
I'll call the manager.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to say
Miss Universe, you dog.
Now take our fucking order.
Okay, hot shot, now what?
What do you want from me?
She started it with that coffee shit.
Come on, already.
Let's get inside.
Make that a large pizza
and I'll have a Coke to drink with it
and a chocolate milkshake
with a hot pepperoni.
Yeah, and you can drink it along
with your double banana split.
No, I'd like a tall ice tea
with my double banana split.
I take it you're paying for this,
so what are you gonna have,
a glass of water and a toothpick?
Okay, and I'll also
have a plate of raviolis
with 12 meatballs and an orange soda
with garlic salt in it and, let's see...
How 'bout a green salad with
homemade meat sauce on it?
Oh yeah, that's sounds great.
I'll take it.
Ugh.
I'll have some of that too.
You want what?
Meat sauce salad please.
Eat your heart out!
Ya'lls spaghetti will be right out.
I want mine hot.
He likes things hot.
You look like you're
hot enough to satisfy.
Hey, what's this winky-wacky bull.
I'm the Fenz.
What is this?
What's the matter?
Can't get served by miss big-boobs?
No, that's not it.
Wow, did you ever see that
friggin' Mike and Bebe eat?
I swear they'd eat crap off a platter.
You say they're eating crap?
Oh, came on, Fenzie.
Don't you start that bull too.
What bull?
Aw, nothing.
Where the hell is that waiter?
He's probably stirring your tomato sauce
with a fly-swatter.
Hey, Fenz is gonna eat.
So, let's all cool it.
Sorry, Fenz.
Hey, Waiter.
Hey, you know who I am?
I'm the Fenz.
None of this winky fucking crap.
Just take their order.
Hey, man.
We don't talk that way around here.
Hey, we got a problem outside.
What kind of problem?
Like their friends ate up a storm
and now they say they
aren't gonna pay for it.
I suppose you creeps
aren't holding either, right?
Wrong.
See, I'm holding a plate of spaghetti.
Why you fucking pig.
Hey, we don't use that
kind of language in here.
Ohhh.
Officer Archie, we have a 501
at the Pizza Plus.
See if you can get there this
time without getting lost.
Officer Archie,
just where the hell are you?
Archie, this is the captain.
Call in right now.
Shh, keep your voices down.
I never wanna eat another
meatball the rest of my life.
That goddamn fag.
I think he tried to rape
me with a pepperoni.
He did?
Gee, I love hot pepperoni.
We know already.
We know.
Shh, keep your voices down.
If my folks catch us out
here, I'll be murdered.
Geez, Monica, would you
folks really murder you?
Screw off, Mike.
Go sit on a banana.
I'd like to get my hands on that cook.
I'll flatten him, like one of his pizzas.
I couldn't move.
That creepy waiter kept
trying to hold me by my tits.
Ha ha, he thought I
was one of his turkeys.
He kept stuffing meatballs up my ass.
The waitress kept
pouring gravy on my tits
and then she'd lick it off.
Oh yeah, I was trying
to do the same thing.
She kept pushing me away.
Hey, let's dry off, get in the van,
and split to Mulholland.
Yeah.
We deserve it.
We'll have to ride nude.
Give me a towel.
Hey, hey, come on.
I'm only gonna bury the Fenz a little bit.
Ouch, damnit, Fenzie,
you're missing the right thing.
Somebody has their
bony ass knee in my ear.
Is that your ear?
Yes.
Well, for your
information, mama,
that bone is not my knee.
Oh shit, Sam.
Get that thing down here where it belongs.
Where the hell is that?
Fenzie, is this you?
Hell no.
Don't you know the difference in size?
This is Buzz.
If that's Buzz,
then who the hell are you?
Oh, I thought you were Bebe.
We'll I'm friggin' not.
Couldn't you tell by the ass rotation.
Damn it, Jan.
Move around a little.
Hey, cool it will ya, Fenz.
You're going all on me, man.
You're like a bunch of animals.
This shit has got to cease.
There's just got to
be better accommodations.
I give up.
My wacker's been everywhere
but where it belongs.
I can't get up.
Put your pants back on, Monica.
I never got them off.
Christ, Sam, that's
mine you're playing with.
Mike, was that you?
Hell no.
I said mine won't get up.
Oh hell, I'm gonna
put this baby outta here.
I know we don't
have any privacy.
Half the time in that damn van,
I don't know who I'm screwing.
I'm tired of rumble seats,
the doorway, and grease-rats...
And locker rooms and pay toilets
and phone booths.
And swimming pools and pup tents
and bowling alleys.
Bowling alleys?
Yeah, haven't you ever?
I don't think I wanna.
You haven't lived.
When those pins start pounding your bare...
They won't
pound me between mine.
Where are we
going in such a hurry?
Just relax.
Slow down.
Turn in here.
Hey, this looks spooky.
Will you stop being flaky?
Well, this is a little creepy.
What happens if we meet
something coming down?
You drive over it.
I hope it's smaller than us.
I think we should throw
this taxi in reverse.
Oh, will you two cool it?
This dump hasn't been
manicured in 100 years.
Looks like a friggin' jungle.
Don't breathe too hard.
You might knock it over.
Who lives here anyway?
The jolly green giant?
I've never climbed so many
fucking steps in my whole life.
Will you stop whining, Monica?
That ass of yours could shed some fat.
Well, Sam just
happens to like fat asses.
Come to think of it, I do too.
Will you two cool it?
Oh, I can see Vincent Price
coming down the stairs now.
Where, where?
Cool it, you dizzy.
Come on.
Let's check this mausoleum out.
Look at all this junk.
That junk is probably worth a fortune.
Oh, Jan.
I'm not taking another
step till you tell us
whose pad this is.
Who else?
June East.
Didn't she tell us to "come
down and see me sometime?"
Hello, anybody home?
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Anybody home?
I guess there's nobody home.
Come on, let's check out the place.
What for?
I've got my reasons.
But what if somebody catches us.
We were invited, you know?
Candy, you and Monica check downstairs.
I'll check out around here.
And, Bebe, you check out the upstairs.
What are we checking for?
I wanna know how many bedrooms
there are in this house.
I don't wanna go up there all by myself.
Come on, get going.
Well?
I didn't wanna come in here anyway.
I don't know why I have to
go up here by myself anyway.
This place gives me the creeps.
Oh my god.
Oh, I can't stand any more.
Oh, oh.
I think June East and
a lion are making it.
All right, who's down there?
It's us, Miss East.
And who the hell is us?
We're the girls that
helped you get your car back
from Big Dick
Oh, that us.
I'll be right down.
Ya'll scared my little kitty to death.
This sure is a marvelous
old house you have here,
Miss East.
Yes, now cut that Miss East
and call me June.
That Miss crap makes me feel ancient.
Say, baby, get me some
more champagne, will you?
Sure, June.
How many rooms do you have in this house?
Hell, I don't know.
And you live here all alone.
Just me and the memories
of all my boys.
Did you ever think of coaching
aspiring, young actresses,
like ourselves?
No, but I've coached a
few young men in my day.
Thanks, honey.
I'd offer you some, but the
stuff is too goddamn expensive
to piss away.
Now, what the hell are
you all doing here anyway?
Yeah, what the hell are we doing here?
Frankly, June, it would
be an asset to you and us
if you would coach us in acting.
Our parents would be willing
to fork out good money
for us to be coached by such a great star.
Oh, I love champagne best.
Acting classes, huh?
Tell me, honey, are there
gonna be any young boys
that need instruction?
Oh, yes, lots and lots of boys.
Lots and lots of boys.
I mean any real big boys?
Oh, plenty.
Oh, plenty.
Big, really big.
Big really big.
What have you got here,
some kind of goddamn parrot in drag?
Anyways, sweetheart, I don't
feel like coaching just yet.
Well, maybe this big.
You've got a deal.
All right.
On one condition.
Oh, here it comes.
The boys get their
lessons first.
Right on.
Take off the top
The sky's above
Riding down the white line
Tunnel of love
Can't stop now
No, gotta be cool
Teacher and your mother
Want you back in school
Riding in my running red roadster
Riding in my running red roadster
Ride to the beach
Ride to the park
Won't you ride with me
baby till way after dark
Fill up the tank
And pick up the girls
Pick 'em all up and
let's go for a whirl
Riding in my running red roadster
Riding in my running red roadster
Riding in my running red roadster
Take off the top
The sky's above
Ridin' down the white line
Tunnel of love
Can't stop now
No, gotta be cool
Teacher and your mother
want you back in school
Tell 'em
Riding in my running red roadster
Riding in my running red roadster
Riding in my running red,
riding in my running red
Riding in my running red road
Let's go riding the rest of the day
I would ride with you
forever if I had my way
Take off the top
The sky's above
Ha, we'll go riding
down the white line
Tunnel of love
But, captain, I'm telling you.
I was standing, holding
my billy club when...
Hey, I think that's them up ahead.
I'm outta gas.
Would you believe?
You're damn right we believe.
Boy, your ass is mine now.
Ride to the beach
Ride to the park
Won't you ride with me
baby till way after dark
Fill up the tank
Pick up the girls
We'll pick 'em all
up and go for a whirl
Riding in my running red roadster
Riding in my running red roadster
Riding in my running red,
riding in my running red
Riding in my running red road
Ah, Candy, baby,
the Fenz is dragging tonight
on 101.
You're on, Fenz.
Hey, don't forget the beer.
Don't you forget the pill.
Come on, Monica, move your ass.
Is your mind always on balling?
Buzz, don't forget the tent.
That's like forgetting my head.
Come on already, let's make it.
Watch out, watch out.
I got watermelon, you guys.
Get the blanket.
Who's got a beer?
Get it right, get it right.
Watermelon.
Who wants to help me put up the tent?
Hey, who wants to
help me put up the tent?
Hey, man, it's about time
we got to the beach here, man.
Yeah, really.
Hey, you got any more food in there?
Is that all you...
Man.
I'm hungry.
That's all that guy does, is eat.
Hey, here's a pickle.
Pickle.
What, dummy?
Hey, Candy, tell me the truth.
Do you see any enlargement in my muscle?
Yeah, I think it's getting smaller.
He's talking about his biceps.
Oh.
Aw, lay off me.
Hey, man.
I'm getting horny already.
Come on, Jan.
Let's get in the tent.
Will you hold your goodies?
We just got here.
Hey,
Fenzie hold his goodies?
Fenzie hold his goodie,
Fenzie hold his goodies.
Yay, goodies.
Fenzie hold his goodies?
All right already.
Don't hold 'em.
I will.
Hey, easy.
It's the Fenz.
Man, this is good grass.
Who got it?
I got it.
Hey, cool it, will you, Mike.
I'd like to get high first.
Watch out.
Hey, man don't wet the grass.
Change the station, Candy.
That creep's too straight.
Save any of that roach for us?
Come on, Monica, let's get in the tent.
Do you mind if I catch my breath first?
Since when does breath
have anything to do with it?
Aw, come on, Bebe.
Let's be the first in the tent.
Ow.
Hey, Fenz needs another beer.
Boy, this is real good stuff.
Aw, come on, Bebe, let's
be first in the tent,
okay, huh?
Hey, cool it.
Cool it.
The Fenz said he needs another beer.
Oh, yeah.
Here, Fenz.
Hey, how come you need
this breath all at once?
'Cause you're getting
bigger, that's why.
How do you know?
Because he was sticking it up my nose
in that goddamn van.
That's how I know.
It's sore as hell, man.
We've gotta get better digs.
Yeah, but until then, we got our tent.
Come on, Candy.
Let's go get it on.
Aw, go bury it in the sand.
I need some more sun.
The Fenz is beginning to
detect something going on here.
Nothing's going on here.
That's what I'm beginning to detect.
Hey, man.
What's with this Fenzie
holding his goodies.
Yeah, and what the hell's
with this breath crap?
Yeah, and what's with
this getting high first?
Yeah, and what's with
this stick it in the sand?
Hey, hey.
Hey.
I smell something rotten in Denmark.
Denmark?
What's Denmark got to do with this, Fenz?
Ain't you got no class?
Didn't you ever hear of Willy boy?
Willy boy?
Who the hell is Willy boy?
He means William Shakespeare.
All right.
You're gonna get yours goody-girl.
I wanna know one thing.
What's that, Fenz?
What's this pup tent doing empty?
Oh, that.
He wants to know what
the tent's doing empty.
Come on girls.
It's swimming time.
You know the Fenz does not bake.
Maybe you don't, Fenzie,
but sometimes I have to.
Well, I'm with Fenzie.
Something is screwy.
Well, what the hell
are we gonna do, man?
We're gonna get their ass.
Come on.
Yeah.
I was laying on the beach
about a quarter to three
I wasn't doing much,
I was just being me
I never gave any false
gainful employment
What I love is total enjoyment
Who'd ever guess
I'm on the beach of bandits
Golden bikini
Stop making locks
We gotta get up and rock rock rock
Who'd ever guess
Down on the beach of bandits
I'm laying on the sand
with chick on each side
Girls on the sand wanna go for a ride
Don't know how I got
myself in this situation
What I like is a permanent vacation
Who'd ever guess
I'm on the beach of bandits
Come Marsha and Carla, Belle and Bill
I know my dreams are real
Who'd ever guess
Down on the beach of bandits
Golden bikini
Stop making locks
We gotta get up and rock rock rock
Who'd ever guess
I'm on the beach of bandits
Who'd ever guess
Down on the beach of bandits
Come Marsha and Carla, Belle and Bill
I know my dreams are real
Golden bikini
Stop making locks
I gotta get up and rock rock rock
Who'd ever guess
Down on the beach of bandits
Down on the beach of bandits
Down on the beach
Fenzie, we gotta do
something or I'm gonna explode.
Okay okay, I guess
it's time to get with it.
There's no rush.
Take your time.
Well, we've got a problem.
Oh, well shit.
Join the crowd.
You all know the hangups we get into
when we try and get a little privacy.
I don't get it.
Oh, for Christ sake, Mike.
Do you wanna ball the rest of
your life in a rumble seat?
You got somewhere better?
Will you cool it, Mike,
so we can find out what this is all about?
Well, we've got a house
with 10 private bedrooms.
10 private bedrooms?
I only need one.
Hey, Mike, stick your head in the sand
for about a half an hour, huh?
The Fenz is trying to get educated.
Well, then keep your big mouth shut
and let Jan explain.
The Fenz, keep his big mouth shut?
The Fenz keep his big...
You wanna hear or don't ya?
We wanna hear.
We wanna hear.
Yeah, sure, yeah.
There's this old movie
star that has this big house
up in the hills, real private-like.
Ooh, I like it already.
We talked her into giving
all of us acting lessons
at her house.
Are you guys interested or not?
Yeah, come on tell us.
Yeah.
Hey, shit, that's great.
You guys take the lessons
and Monica and me,
we'll be in the bedrooms
rehearsing, okay?
Sam, if you don't cool it,
the only rehearsing you're gonna do
is the flick of your bick.
Are you guys interested or not?
Yeah.
Hey, can't we hold this
conversation with Candy and me
in the tent?
Aw, man.
Oh well, Jan.
The only way to keep him
quiet is to bury his face.
Come on, Buzzy, honey.
Ahhh.
You sure he'll still go along?
No, go along-y, no get Candy.
Oh, I like it already.
Along?
Along?
What' this along?
Well, there's just one little hitch.
You see, Fenz.
I told you.
Always a hitch.
I knew it, man.
It's just a lot of bullshit.
Oh, Sam, sometimes I
just wanna sit on your face
and suffocate you.
I'm ready, I'm ready.
Can Jan continue?
Give me another beer.
Well, she's just a little boy-crazy.
Like just how much is a little?
Well, you know.
No, I don't know.
Like screwing-crazy.
What the hell's wrong with that?
Well, she's a little older than we are.
Who is this chick anyway?
June East.
June East?
Who the hell is June East?
June East, June East.
Hey, she's that silent movie star.
Silent movies?
She must be 100.
I can't agree to that.
Well, why the hell not?
My bullets are special
and I'm very particular
who I shoot them with.
Gee, Fenzie, do you really shoot people?
Bebe, sit on your brains for a minute.
This rumble seat, van, pup tent garbage
has got to cease.
Your bullets can rust for all I care.
Yeah, but what about our pride?
Yeah, it would be like
doing it with you grandmother.
There is no way this can be done.
The Fenz has spoken.
Everyone in the tent.
Watch out, watch out.
Come on.
I don't wanna be last.
Oh my god, somebody's foot.
So, this is Fenzie.
Oh, I head such stories about you.
Hey, the Fenz has heard
a few about you too,
Juney baby and...
Uh, the boys are all in
accord with your desires,
Miss East.
I thought we had this
Miss East crap settled.
Oh, I'm sorry June.
It's just that your age.
Age?
What age?
She's just a baby.
Hey, who's muscles here?
This is Rocky.
He's got muscles that talk.
Oooh.
Hmm, I wouldn't mind having his muscles
say something to me.
Hey.
Cool it.
Which muscle talks best?
The one I personally
exercise for him.
Which one is that?
Aw, geez, Bebe.
Can't you see it's the one on his arm?
Yeah, the arm between his legs.
Ya'll look, but don't touch
unless I say so.
See?
Oh, he's a little ticklish in spots,
so you have to be careful
where you grab him.
I'd like to grab him by his short-hairs.
What's the matter with you chicks?
Ain't you never seen muscles before?
Which one of you gonna
be the first volunteers
for my acting class?
I will, I will.
Cram it, will you, Bebe?
The boys are first.
What do you say, honey?
Like to learn to lick,
I mean like to learn to act?
Is that all we're gonna do?
Act?
Hell no, we're going to
learn to live the part,
love the part, play with the part.
Hey, this won't take long.
Won't take long?
He's been up these almost an hour.
Man, I couldn't tell if
those screams were his or hers.
Hey, look.
The door's opening.
Hey.
I think she creamed him.
Oh, poor poor Fenzie.
Wow, Fenz creamed.
What the hell is he talking about?
Hey, Fenz, your legs won't stop shaking.
Man, what has this chick got?
Fantastic.
He looks dehydrated.
I wanna talk to the guys.
We can' hear you, Fenzie.
I said I wanted talk to the guys alone.
Chicks, split.
Three to one, huh?
Well, now the odds are getting
a little bit more even.
I don't believe it.
The one weekend my folks are out of town,
we've got the whole
damn house to ourselves.
Including the bedroom.
Including the bedroom.
And we've got four limp worn out Johns.
Mike told me her tongue
was like a Roto-Rooter job.
You're lucky.
All Buzz keeps doing is farting.
Hell, Fenzie just keeps murmuring,
"No more beets, no more beets."
What are we gonna do?
Any more of this and I'll be
ready to take on one of you.
A few more days of this
bullshit and you got a partner.
Days, hell, I can't wait much longer.
Already beginning to
feel like a leftover,
since this June chick came into their act.
Come on, let's see if
we can rouse these jerks.
Yeah.
Hey.
Come on, baby.
But, Fenzie.
You got your reputation to think about.
Aw, bullshit.
I got my goodies to think about, man.
Buzzy likey kissy kissy kissy?
Buzzy likey sleepy.
Sleepy sleepy.
Mike, your mom called.
She thinks I have you on some
new kind of pot or something.
Bebe, I want you to will
my body to UCLA medical.
Come on, Sammy, honey.
Just one more time for old Monica, huh?
Is it my turn again?
No more swinging from
those rafters for me, man.
It's your turn.
The hell with this.
Let's cool off.
Maybe it's Charles Bronson.
If it is, ask him if his tally-wacker
would like some poon-tang.
Hello?
Well, hello, hot-shot.
How are the boys?
What boys?
We buried them this morning.
Oh, my little darlings all worn out?
Isn't it more like flaked out?
Well, I was a little rough,
but then that's what young boys are for.
Well, we all decided that we don't
want your acting lessons anymore.
Well, baby, don't fret
your silly little head.
I just called to tell you
I don't need your boys.
You don't?
Because I have found the
greatest lover of all time.
The greatest lover of all time.
Oh, I can't stand any more.
Oh, you've got to let me rest.
Oh.
Oh my god, what a thing.
Whose thing?
Why his thing, of course.
Buongiorno, class.
Buongiorno.
This.
Is.
The.
End.
That's how I feel
Bell rings
My heart sings
And I'm out in the hall
with my best friends
Going for a ride
I feel good inside
In Hollywood High
Hollywood Hollywood Hollywood High
The bell rings
My heart sings
And I'm out in the hall
with my best friends
Going for a ride
I feel good inside
A good time
The sun shines
She's a very good friend of mine
I don't wanna know why
It's Hollywood High
Sandy Shores
Upstream
I love the stream
Open air
That's how I feel
That's how I feel
A good time
The sun shines
She's a very good friend of mine
I don't wanna know why
Love flies by
It's Hollywood High
Sandy shores
Upstream
I love the stream
Open air
That's how I feel
That's how I feel
The bell rings
My heart sings
And I'm out in the hall
with my best friends
Going for a ride
I feel good inside
It's Hollywood High
We'll have...
Two all beef
patties, special sauce,
lettuce, cheese, pickles,
onions, on a sesame seed bun.
Candy, you gotta
stop messing around
with that horny old cop's head.
Or we'll be going to
school on Wilcox Avenue.
What's on Wilcox Avenue?
Monica, how long have you
been hanging in with us?
Oh, about 10 weeks, I guess.
Has it been that long?
Well, maybe nine weeks.
I remember.
It was right after we
caught her having lunch
in Mike Telafaro's gym shorts.
And he was in 'em at the time.
Well, it was during gym class.
Okay, Jan, so what's
on Wilcox Avenue anyway?
Wilcox Avenue is a street where
that poon-tang crazy cop
changes into his jock strap.
It's also where they
lock up the bad guys.
It could even happen to us good guys.
Don't worry.
That flake won't dare bust us.
He knows I'll tell the
captain about the time
I let him pound me with his night stick.
Gee, Candy, where was he pounding you?
Well, it sure wasn't on my head.
Where was he pounding you?
Go back to sleep, Bebe.
We'll wake you when the
train gets to Chicago.
You know, that cop
really plays with himself
in the shower.
Can you imagine him
getting caught doing it?
"Now, looky here, captain.
It's my tally-wacker and I'll
wash it as fast as I want to."
Hey, where the hell are our guys anyway?
I hope they don't forget the pup tent.
And the beer.
Mmm, I sure wish
this was a nude beach.
Come on, Monica.
You just want a chance to
check out the meat locker.
Yeah, look at the time I save later.
No big disappointment.
You mean no little disappointment.
Speaking of disappointments.
We got busted today trying to get a little
in the cloakroom.
Boy, do we need privacy.
Oh, I hate that
damn rumble-seat.
I'm beginning to feel like
the hunchback of Notre Dame.
Well, the pizza
parlor is out from now on.
Pizza?
What kind was it?
Hot pepperoni.
Oh, I love hot pepperoni.
Yeah, especially if it belongs to Mike.
Come on, let's get wet.
Are we really going to
take a train to Chicago,
'cause trains make me sick.
Come on, Bebe.
Last one in the water
gets the rumble-seat.
I may go along
Our love will keep us strong
Don't you worry about tomorrow
Don't you worry about me
'Cause the music
The music will flow free
I laugh
So easily
When you smile
So tenderly
Don't you worry about tomorrow
Don't you worry about me
'Cause the music
The music will flow free
Ridin' on the tail of a comet
Has never been an easy chore
I gotta jump on that ol' fireball
And ride forever more
Don't you worry about tomorrow
Don't you worry about me
'Cause the music
The music will flow free
Don't you worry about tomorrow
Don't you worry about me
Hey.
Whoo.
Hello.
Any of you groovy kids wanna boogie?
Hey.
Whoo.
Any of you groovy kids wanna boogie?
Why not.
Cool it, Monica.
His Tamale's not even here.
Hey, man.
You're really an upfront chick.
Say, daddy, got some beer?
Wow, where you think I'm at?
I got everything.
You wanna blow some real Cuban tobacco
and ride on my big board?
If I blow grass, I'll be
riding more than your board.
How ya hangin'?
Oooh, I'm hangin' 10.
You're a real foxy upfront chick, man.
What's with you all?
Our guys are on the way out here.
Well, what's Cuban tobacco?
Oooh.
You ain't exactly Micky Mouse.
Hey, cool it.
Hey, water freak, you think
you can handle four chicks?
My name ain't Frasier
Mendoza for nothing.
For what?
Frasier Mendoza, man.
After the lion?
Dig it.
I'm first.
Hey, cool it.
I call the shots.
First, we smoke.
Hey, cool it, Candy.
You wanna get busted for molesting?
All right.
Man, this is really great shit.
I can get zoned out.
Well, I'm getting horny honey.
Here on the beach
About a quarter to three
I wasn't doing much
I was just being me
I never gave any false
gainful employment
What I love is total enjoyment
Who'd ever guess
I'm on the beach of bandits
Golden bikini
Stop making locks
We gotta get up and rock rock rock
Who'd ever guess
I'm on the beach of bandits
I'm laying on the sand
with a chick on each side
Waiting on the surf
And we'll go for a ride
Don't know how I got
myself in this situation
What I like is a permanent vacation
Who'd ever guess
I'm on the beach of bandits
Come Marsha and Carla, Belle and Bill
I know my dreams are real
Who'd ever guess
I'm on the beach of bandits
Who'd ever guess
I'm on the beach of bandits
Golden bikini
Stop making locks
We gotta get up and rock rock rock
Who'd ever guess
I'm on the beach of bandits
Hey, sexy.
Last one in the water
rides the last board.
He's talking board-on
and we're thinking hard-on.
Come on, let's get him.
Every other day you
make a run for some beer
That's as far as we'll get
'Cause the place is so dead
When the tide's coming in
And a little of the sun
My baby's coming
And makes my motor run
Who'd ever guess
I'm on the beach of bandits
Come Marsha and Carla, Belle and Bill
I know my dreams are real
Who'd ever guess
I'm on the beach of bandits.
I'm rolling in the sand
A chick on each side
Waiting on the surf
and we'll go for a ride
I don't know how I got
myself in this situation
What I like is a permanent Vacation
Who'd ever guess
I'm on the beach of bandits
Golden bikini
Stop making locks
You gotta get up and rock rock rock
Who'd ever guess
I'm on the beach of bandits
I was laying on the beach
About a quarter to three
Wasn't doing much
I was just being me
I never gave any false
gainful employment
What I love is total enjoyment
Who'd ever guess
I'm on the beach of bandits
Golden bikini
Stop making locks
I gotta get up and rock rock rock
Who'd ever guess
I'm on the beach of bandits
Down on the beach of bandits
Down on the beach
Don't hit me in the face.
You're always stoned.
All right, cool it.
Jeez, Fenz, we've been
looking all over for ya.
Fenz's chicks screwing off, eh.
Eh.
Who's this creep?
Hi, Buzzy, honey.
Hi, bullshit.
Who's the creep?
This is Frasier.
Oh, you mean like the lion, huh?
Well, it wasn't like Micky Mouse.
I felt it.
Oh yeah?
Hey, mama, and what were you feeling?
All I feel is high.
Do you know what your
eyes are beholding?
Man, I'm not sure, man.
They're beholding the Fenzie.
You mean the Fenz?
There can be only one Fenz.
Hey, man.
I didn't know, man.
This is the Fenz and his boys' turn.
Yeah.
And nobody messes
with the Fenz's chicks.
Yeah, right on.
Hey.
Hey, Fenz.
You gonna let that guy
fly the coop like that?
Sure.
But why?
'Cause that's how I
stay so good looking.
Oh.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I want some Candy.
Beach love
Beach love
Beach love
Feeling the water's edge
Feeling my toes in the sand
Beach love
Beach love
Beach love
And when I'm holding you tight
Everything will be all right
Beach love
Beach love
Beach love
And when I'm holding you tight
Everything will be all right
Beach love
Oooh
Beach love
Beach love
Feeling the warmth of his hand
Can you hear music of the band
And when I'm holding you tight
Everything will be all right
Beach love
Beach love
Beach love
Oh god, I hate history.
Well, at least the teacher's a man.
Oh, buongiorno, class.
Buongiorno.
Well.
Buongiorno, Mr. Flowers.
Buongiorno.
Belli belli.
Today, class, we're
going to do the Greeks.
Yeah, you should've come in backwards.
Now, about those Greeks.
Now then, we have been studying the Greeks
for about a week
and you have all shown little
or no interest whatsoever.
Therefore, ergo too, you monsters,
we're gonna have a spot quiz.
These papers contain the questions
and when you hear me holler go go go,
then and then alone, you
may start start start.
Don't you dare turn over those papers
until I say go.
When I say go go go you
may start start start.
Now, you will have 15 minutes
in which to complete the test
and I don't want to hear a word
and no cheating.
Now, after me, in Greek.
Boys
are
beautiful.
Girls
are
monstrous.
Boys
are...
Mr. Flowers.
Lord have mercy.
Sacre bleu.
What is it?
I forgot the date today.
It doesn't matter.
The Greeks did not have clocks anyways.
Monster, I'll take those answers please.
Oh, my god.
It's a raid.
I mean it's a fire.
I mean it's a drill.
I mean it's a fire drill.
Everyone, out.
Out, everybody out.
Out!
Everybody, out out.
Not you.
I've decided to give you an oral.
Good evening, good evening.
This is Catman Goldstein.
The sky, which we are told
is located directly above
this morning's smog,
is reported blue, blowed, and blown.
Ha ha ha.
All right, if you got
a zit on your forehead
that is growing into a third eye,
do what I do, use Clear-all.
Don't let your face be a disgrace.
And now let's fill you
with this new sound.
It's Scott Gale and Company.
He may be dull, but
at least he's boring.
I've had him and even when he's boring
he doesn't get too deep.
Where's the guys?
Football practice.
Hey, we need gas.
We need oil.
We need air.
We need a lube job.
We need big dick.
Right.
Big dick?
You haven't met him yet, Monica.
He's been on vacation.
But he's back now.
Those gotta be his feet.
Hey, is that June
East, the old movie star?
Hey, she's not old, her movies are.
She used to be the hottest
thing in Hollywood.
Yeah, in more ways than one.
They say she buried two dozen husbands.
That's big dick?
That's funny.
Gee, I wonder why they call him Big...
Oh, I know.
It'll run okay now, Miss East,
but I gotta have 146 bucks
before I let you take the car.
How about taking it
out in trade, big boy?
I'm really sorry, Miss East.
Out of respect for your bosom and all,
but I gotta get paid for my time.
Looks like she
doesn't have the cash
to pay her bill.
That little turd won't even
give her the keys to her car.
She's a legend, a living legend.
Hey, man.
We gotta swing something for her.
Wonder what he'd take for those keys.
Me.
I think I'll drop his face in my cleavage.
I think I'm gonna get them high.
Make sure you holler if
you see our guys coming.
I don't want Monica to get
caught with her pants down.
Miss East?
June East?
Well it ain't Might Joe Young, honey.
Here you are, Miss East.
You can take your car now.
But I don't understand.
That'll little worm, Big Dick,
he said it was gonna cost me $146 in cash.
You see, Miss East, we're your fan club.
And one of our members is opening up
what you might call a
charge account right now.
Yeah, and they're
opening up real wide too.
You girls don't even know me.
But we know your work, Miss East.
And Monica sure knows hers.
I don't know how to thank you girls,
but I sure like your style.
Here's my card, honey.
Why don't you come down
and see my some time, hmm?
What's up?
Nothing after you
get through, honey.
Psst, psst.
Kevin, I don't believe what I'm seeing.
You creep.
What do you think I am.
Get your hands off me.
I don't know what to say.
I just don't believe it.
Get your hands off her tit.
Maybe French is getting to him.
Please, Miss Crotch, let
me sit somewhere else
where I'm safe.
Do you think this is
some kind of porno class?
But I was just try...
That's enough, you sex maniac.
Class is dismissed.
Not you.
You stay after class.
Now, your punishment is
to squeeze 100 times.
Commence counting and squeeze.
If you stop, I'll murder you.
Squeeze.
One
two
three.
Where's Jan?
I think she's with Kevin.
The tit-squeezer
Yeah.
I wonder if she needs any help.
You gotta be kidding.
Hey, does anybody
got any toilet paper?
No, dammit, there's
none in here either.
I got some here.
How do you want it?
Over or under?
Over easy.
And don't you miss.
I told you she's with Kevin.
Hey, that's the
only roll in here too.
Now what?
You got any folding money?
Just a five dollar bill, why?
Well, either use it
or wait till somebody comes
in here who can change it.
I've got four quarters.
Man, I'm getting hungry
I mean a lot
I take myself down to Pizza Plus pie
All my friends are there
It's time to eat
We all get down to the Pizza Plus beat
Down at the Pizza Plus hop
Let's go
Down at the Pizza Plus hop
Oh, let's go
Down at the Pizza Plus hop
That's where we hang a lot.
That's where we hang a lot.
Hey.
Scarfing down
Watching the show
Eat something, take an order to go
Down at the Pizza Plus hop
Let's go
Down at the Pizza Plus hop
Oh, let's go
Down at the Pizza Plus hop
That's where we hang a lot.
Hey, somebody gonna take
Fenzie's order or not?
What are you guys gonna have tonight?
A cup of coffee and pass it around?
What the fuck do you
know, Miss Universe herself?
Watch your mouth or
I'll call the manager.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to say
Miss Universe, you dog.
Now take our fucking order.
Okay, hot shot, now what?
What do you want from me?
She started it with that coffee shit.
Come on, already.
Let's get inside.
Make that a large pizza
and I'll have a Coke to drink with it
and a chocolate milkshake
with a hot pepperoni.
Yeah, and you can drink it along
with your double banana split.
No, I'd like a tall ice tea
with my double banana split.
I take it you're paying for this,
so what are you gonna have,
a glass of water and a toothpick?
Okay, and I'll also
have a plate of raviolis
with 12 meatballs and an orange soda
with garlic salt in it and, let's see...
How 'bout a green salad with
homemade meat sauce on it?
Oh yeah, that's sounds great.
I'll take it.
Ugh.
I'll have some of that too.
You want what?
Meat sauce salad please.
Eat your heart out!
Ya'lls spaghetti will be right out.
I want mine hot.
He likes things hot.
You look like you're
hot enough to satisfy.
Hey, what's this winky-wacky bull.
I'm the Fenz.
What is this?
What's the matter?
Can't get served by miss big-boobs?
No, that's not it.
Wow, did you ever see that
friggin' Mike and Bebe eat?
I swear they'd eat crap off a platter.
You say they're eating crap?
Oh, came on, Fenzie.
Don't you start that bull too.
What bull?
Aw, nothing.
Where the hell is that waiter?
He's probably stirring your tomato sauce
with a fly-swatter.
Hey, Fenz is gonna eat.
So, let's all cool it.
Sorry, Fenz.
Hey, Waiter.
Hey, you know who I am?
I'm the Fenz.
None of this winky fucking crap.
Just take their order.
Hey, man.
We don't talk that way around here.
Hey, we got a problem outside.
What kind of problem?
Like their friends ate up a storm
and now they say they
aren't gonna pay for it.
I suppose you creeps
aren't holding either, right?
Wrong.
See, I'm holding a plate of spaghetti.
Why you fucking pig.
Hey, we don't use that
kind of language in here.
Ohhh.
Officer Archie, we have a 501
at the Pizza Plus.
See if you can get there this
time without getting lost.
Officer Archie,
just where the hell are you?
Archie, this is the captain.
Call in right now.
Shh, keep your voices down.
I never wanna eat another
meatball the rest of my life.
That goddamn fag.
I think he tried to rape
me with a pepperoni.
He did?
Gee, I love hot pepperoni.
We know already.
We know.
Shh, keep your voices down.
If my folks catch us out
here, I'll be murdered.
Geez, Monica, would you
folks really murder you?
Screw off, Mike.
Go sit on a banana.
I'd like to get my hands on that cook.
I'll flatten him, like one of his pizzas.
I couldn't move.
That creepy waiter kept
trying to hold me by my tits.
Ha ha, he thought I
was one of his turkeys.
He kept stuffing meatballs up my ass.
The waitress kept
pouring gravy on my tits
and then she'd lick it off.
Oh yeah, I was trying
to do the same thing.
She kept pushing me away.
Hey, let's dry off, get in the van,
and split to Mulholland.
Yeah.
We deserve it.
We'll have to ride nude.
Give me a towel.
Hey, hey, come on.
I'm only gonna bury the Fenz a little bit.
Ouch, damnit, Fenzie,
you're missing the right thing.
Somebody has their
bony ass knee in my ear.
Is that your ear?
Yes.
Well, for your
information, mama,
that bone is not my knee.
Oh shit, Sam.
Get that thing down here where it belongs.
Where the hell is that?
Fenzie, is this you?
Hell no.
Don't you know the difference in size?
This is Buzz.
If that's Buzz,
then who the hell are you?
Oh, I thought you were Bebe.
We'll I'm friggin' not.
Couldn't you tell by the ass rotation.
Damn it, Jan.
Move around a little.
Hey, cool it will ya, Fenz.
You're going all on me, man.
You're like a bunch of animals.
This shit has got to cease.
There's just got to
be better accommodations.
I give up.
My wacker's been everywhere
but where it belongs.
I can't get up.
Put your pants back on, Monica.
I never got them off.
Christ, Sam, that's
mine you're playing with.
Mike, was that you?
Hell no.
I said mine won't get up.
Oh hell, I'm gonna
put this baby outta here.
I know we don't
have any privacy.
Half the time in that damn van,
I don't know who I'm screwing.
I'm tired of rumble seats,
the doorway, and grease-rats...
And locker rooms and pay toilets
and phone booths.
And swimming pools and pup tents
and bowling alleys.
Bowling alleys?
Yeah, haven't you ever?
I don't think I wanna.
You haven't lived.
When those pins start pounding your bare...
They won't
pound me between mine.
Where are we
going in such a hurry?
Just relax.
Slow down.
Turn in here.
Hey, this looks spooky.
Will you stop being flaky?
Well, this is a little creepy.
What happens if we meet
something coming down?
You drive over it.
I hope it's smaller than us.
I think we should throw
this taxi in reverse.
Oh, will you two cool it?
This dump hasn't been
manicured in 100 years.
Looks like a friggin' jungle.
Don't breathe too hard.
You might knock it over.
Who lives here anyway?
The jolly green giant?
I've never climbed so many
fucking steps in my whole life.
Will you stop whining, Monica?
That ass of yours could shed some fat.
Well, Sam just
happens to like fat asses.
Come to think of it, I do too.
Will you two cool it?
Oh, I can see Vincent Price
coming down the stairs now.
Where, where?
Cool it, you dizzy.
Come on.
Let's check this mausoleum out.
Look at all this junk.
That junk is probably worth a fortune.
Oh, Jan.
I'm not taking another
step till you tell us
whose pad this is.
Who else?
June East.
Didn't she tell us to "come
down and see me sometime?"
Hello, anybody home?
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Anybody home?
I guess there's nobody home.
Come on, let's check out the place.
What for?
I've got my reasons.
But what if somebody catches us.
We were invited, you know?
Candy, you and Monica check downstairs.
I'll check out around here.
And, Bebe, you check out the upstairs.
What are we checking for?
I wanna know how many bedrooms
there are in this house.
I don't wanna go up there all by myself.
Come on, get going.
Well?
I didn't wanna come in here anyway.
I don't know why I have to
go up here by myself anyway.
This place gives me the creeps.
Oh my god.
Oh, I can't stand any more.
Oh, oh.
I think June East and
a lion are making it.
All right, who's down there?
It's us, Miss East.
And who the hell is us?
We're the girls that
helped you get your car back
from Big Dick
Oh, that us.
I'll be right down.
Ya'll scared my little kitty to death.
This sure is a marvelous
old house you have here,
Miss East.
Yes, now cut that Miss East
and call me June.
That Miss crap makes me feel ancient.
Say, baby, get me some
more champagne, will you?
Sure, June.
How many rooms do you have in this house?
Hell, I don't know.
And you live here all alone.
Just me and the memories
of all my boys.
Did you ever think of coaching
aspiring, young actresses,
like ourselves?
No, but I've coached a
few young men in my day.
Thanks, honey.
I'd offer you some, but the
stuff is too goddamn expensive
to piss away.
Now, what the hell are
you all doing here anyway?
Yeah, what the hell are we doing here?
Frankly, June, it would
be an asset to you and us
if you would coach us in acting.
Our parents would be willing
to fork out good money
for us to be coached by such a great star.
Oh, I love champagne best.
Acting classes, huh?
Tell me, honey, are there
gonna be any young boys
that need instruction?
Oh, yes, lots and lots of boys.
Lots and lots of boys.
I mean any real big boys?
Oh, plenty.
Oh, plenty.
Big, really big.
Big really big.
What have you got here,
some kind of goddamn parrot in drag?
Anyways, sweetheart, I don't
feel like coaching just yet.
Well, maybe this big.
You've got a deal.
All right.
On one condition.
Oh, here it comes.
The boys get their
lessons first.
Right on.
Take off the top
The sky's above
Riding down the white line
Tunnel of love
Can't stop now
No, gotta be cool
Teacher and your mother
Want you back in school
Riding in my running red roadster
Riding in my running red roadster
Ride to the beach
Ride to the park
Won't you ride with me
baby till way after dark
Fill up the tank
And pick up the girls
Pick 'em all up and
let's go for a whirl
Riding in my running red roadster
Riding in my running red roadster
Riding in my running red roadster
Take off the top
The sky's above
Ridin' down the white line
Tunnel of love
Can't stop now
No, gotta be cool
Teacher and your mother
want you back in school
Tell 'em
Riding in my running red roadster
Riding in my running red roadster
Riding in my running red,
riding in my running red
Riding in my running red road
Let's go riding the rest of the day
I would ride with you
forever if I had my way
Take off the top
The sky's above
Ha, we'll go riding
down the white line
Tunnel of love
But, captain, I'm telling you.
I was standing, holding
my billy club when...
Hey, I think that's them up ahead.
I'm outta gas.
Would you believe?
You're damn right we believe.
Boy, your ass is mine now.
Ride to the beach
Ride to the park
Won't you ride with me
baby till way after dark
Fill up the tank
Pick up the girls
We'll pick 'em all
up and go for a whirl
Riding in my running red roadster
Riding in my running red roadster
Riding in my running red,
riding in my running red
Riding in my running red road
Ah, Candy, baby,
the Fenz is dragging tonight
on 101.
You're on, Fenz.
Hey, don't forget the beer.
Don't you forget the pill.
Come on, Monica, move your ass.
Is your mind always on balling?
Buzz, don't forget the tent.
That's like forgetting my head.
Come on already, let's make it.
Watch out, watch out.
I got watermelon, you guys.
Get the blanket.
Who's got a beer?
Get it right, get it right.
Watermelon.
Who wants to help me put up the tent?
Hey, who wants to
help me put up the tent?
Hey, man, it's about time
we got to the beach here, man.
Yeah, really.
Hey, you got any more food in there?
Is that all you...
Man.
I'm hungry.
That's all that guy does, is eat.
Hey, here's a pickle.
Pickle.
What, dummy?
Hey, Candy, tell me the truth.
Do you see any enlargement in my muscle?
Yeah, I think it's getting smaller.
He's talking about his biceps.
Oh.
Aw, lay off me.
Hey, man.
I'm getting horny already.
Come on, Jan.
Let's get in the tent.
Will you hold your goodies?
We just got here.
Hey,
Fenzie hold his goodies?
Fenzie hold his goodie,
Fenzie hold his goodies.
Yay, goodies.
Fenzie hold his goodies?
All right already.
Don't hold 'em.
I will.
Hey, easy.
It's the Fenz.
Man, this is good grass.
Who got it?
I got it.
Hey, cool it, will you, Mike.
I'd like to get high first.
Watch out.
Hey, man don't wet the grass.
Change the station, Candy.
That creep's too straight.
Save any of that roach for us?
Come on, Monica, let's get in the tent.
Do you mind if I catch my breath first?
Since when does breath
have anything to do with it?
Aw, come on, Bebe.
Let's be the first in the tent.
Ow.
Hey, Fenz needs another beer.
Boy, this is real good stuff.
Aw, come on, Bebe, let's
be first in the tent,
okay, huh?
Hey, cool it.
Cool it.
The Fenz said he needs another beer.
Oh, yeah.
Here, Fenz.
Hey, how come you need
this breath all at once?
'Cause you're getting
bigger, that's why.
How do you know?
Because he was sticking it up my nose
in that goddamn van.
That's how I know.
It's sore as hell, man.
We've gotta get better digs.
Yeah, but until then, we got our tent.
Come on, Candy.
Let's go get it on.
Aw, go bury it in the sand.
I need some more sun.
The Fenz is beginning to
detect something going on here.
Nothing's going on here.
That's what I'm beginning to detect.
Hey, man.
What's with this Fenzie
holding his goodies.
Yeah, and what the hell's
with this breath crap?
Yeah, and what's with
this getting high first?
Yeah, and what's with
this stick it in the sand?
Hey, hey.
Hey.
I smell something rotten in Denmark.
Denmark?
What's Denmark got to do with this, Fenz?
Ain't you got no class?
Didn't you ever hear of Willy boy?
Willy boy?
Who the hell is Willy boy?
He means William Shakespeare.
All right.
You're gonna get yours goody-girl.
I wanna know one thing.
What's that, Fenz?
What's this pup tent doing empty?
Oh, that.
He wants to know what
the tent's doing empty.
Come on girls.
It's swimming time.
You know the Fenz does not bake.
Maybe you don't, Fenzie,
but sometimes I have to.
Well, I'm with Fenzie.
Something is screwy.
Well, what the hell
are we gonna do, man?
We're gonna get their ass.
Come on.
Yeah.
I was laying on the beach
about a quarter to three
I wasn't doing much,
I was just being me
I never gave any false
gainful employment
What I love is total enjoyment
Who'd ever guess
I'm on the beach of bandits
Golden bikini
Stop making locks
We gotta get up and rock rock rock
Who'd ever guess
Down on the beach of bandits
I'm laying on the sand
with chick on each side
Girls on the sand wanna go for a ride
Don't know how I got
myself in this situation
What I like is a permanent vacation
Who'd ever guess
I'm on the beach of bandits
Come Marsha and Carla, Belle and Bill
I know my dreams are real
Who'd ever guess
Down on the beach of bandits
Golden bikini
Stop making locks
We gotta get up and rock rock rock
Who'd ever guess
I'm on the beach of bandits
Who'd ever guess
Down on the beach of bandits
Come Marsha and Carla, Belle and Bill
I know my dreams are real
Golden bikini
Stop making locks
I gotta get up and rock rock rock
Who'd ever guess
Down on the beach of bandits
Down on the beach of bandits
Down on the beach
Fenzie, we gotta do
something or I'm gonna explode.
Okay okay, I guess
it's time to get with it.
There's no rush.
Take your time.
Well, we've got a problem.
Oh, well shit.
Join the crowd.
You all know the hangups we get into
when we try and get a little privacy.
I don't get it.
Oh, for Christ sake, Mike.
Do you wanna ball the rest of
your life in a rumble seat?
You got somewhere better?
Will you cool it, Mike,
so we can find out what this is all about?
Well, we've got a house
with 10 private bedrooms.
10 private bedrooms?
I only need one.
Hey, Mike, stick your head in the sand
for about a half an hour, huh?
The Fenz is trying to get educated.
Well, then keep your big mouth shut
and let Jan explain.
The Fenz, keep his big mouth shut?
The Fenz keep his big...
You wanna hear or don't ya?
We wanna hear.
We wanna hear.
Yeah, sure, yeah.
There's this old movie
star that has this big house
up in the hills, real private-like.
Ooh, I like it already.
We talked her into giving
all of us acting lessons
at her house.
Are you guys interested or not?
Yeah, come on tell us.
Yeah.
Hey, shit, that's great.
You guys take the lessons
and Monica and me,
we'll be in the bedrooms
rehearsing, okay?
Sam, if you don't cool it,
the only rehearsing you're gonna do
is the flick of your bick.
Are you guys interested or not?
Yeah.
Hey, can't we hold this
conversation with Candy and me
in the tent?
Aw, man.
Oh well, Jan.
The only way to keep him
quiet is to bury his face.
Come on, Buzzy, honey.
Ahhh.
You sure he'll still go along?
No, go along-y, no get Candy.
Oh, I like it already.
Along?
Along?
What' this along?
Well, there's just one little hitch.
You see, Fenz.
I told you.
Always a hitch.
I knew it, man.
It's just a lot of bullshit.
Oh, Sam, sometimes I
just wanna sit on your face
and suffocate you.
I'm ready, I'm ready.
Can Jan continue?
Give me another beer.
Well, she's just a little boy-crazy.
Like just how much is a little?
Well, you know.
No, I don't know.
Like screwing-crazy.
What the hell's wrong with that?
Well, she's a little older than we are.
Who is this chick anyway?
June East.
June East?
Who the hell is June East?
June East, June East.
Hey, she's that silent movie star.
Silent movies?
She must be 100.
I can't agree to that.
Well, why the hell not?
My bullets are special
and I'm very particular
who I shoot them with.
Gee, Fenzie, do you really shoot people?
Bebe, sit on your brains for a minute.
This rumble seat, van, pup tent garbage
has got to cease.
Your bullets can rust for all I care.
Yeah, but what about our pride?
Yeah, it would be like
doing it with you grandmother.
There is no way this can be done.
The Fenz has spoken.
Everyone in the tent.
Watch out, watch out.
Come on.
I don't wanna be last.
Oh my god, somebody's foot.
So, this is Fenzie.
Oh, I head such stories about you.
Hey, the Fenz has heard
a few about you too,
Juney baby and...
Uh, the boys are all in
accord with your desires,
Miss East.
I thought we had this
Miss East crap settled.
Oh, I'm sorry June.
It's just that your age.
Age?
What age?
She's just a baby.
Hey, who's muscles here?
This is Rocky.
He's got muscles that talk.
Oooh.
Hmm, I wouldn't mind having his muscles
say something to me.
Hey.
Cool it.
Which muscle talks best?
The one I personally
exercise for him.
Which one is that?
Aw, geez, Bebe.
Can't you see it's the one on his arm?
Yeah, the arm between his legs.
Ya'll look, but don't touch
unless I say so.
See?
Oh, he's a little ticklish in spots,
so you have to be careful
where you grab him.
I'd like to grab him by his short-hairs.
What's the matter with you chicks?
Ain't you never seen muscles before?
Which one of you gonna
be the first volunteers
for my acting class?
I will, I will.
Cram it, will you, Bebe?
The boys are first.
What do you say, honey?
Like to learn to lick,
I mean like to learn to act?
Is that all we're gonna do?
Act?
Hell no, we're going to
learn to live the part,
love the part, play with the part.
Hey, this won't take long.
Won't take long?
He's been up these almost an hour.
Man, I couldn't tell if
those screams were his or hers.
Hey, look.
The door's opening.
Hey.
I think she creamed him.
Oh, poor poor Fenzie.
Wow, Fenz creamed.
What the hell is he talking about?
Hey, Fenz, your legs won't stop shaking.
Man, what has this chick got?
Fantastic.
He looks dehydrated.
I wanna talk to the guys.
We can' hear you, Fenzie.
I said I wanted talk to the guys alone.
Chicks, split.
Three to one, huh?
Well, now the odds are getting
a little bit more even.
I don't believe it.
The one weekend my folks are out of town,
we've got the whole
damn house to ourselves.
Including the bedroom.
Including the bedroom.
And we've got four limp worn out Johns.
Mike told me her tongue
was like a Roto-Rooter job.
You're lucky.
All Buzz keeps doing is farting.
Hell, Fenzie just keeps murmuring,
"No more beets, no more beets."
What are we gonna do?
Any more of this and I'll be
ready to take on one of you.
A few more days of this
bullshit and you got a partner.
Days, hell, I can't wait much longer.
Already beginning to
feel like a leftover,
since this June chick came into their act.
Come on, let's see if
we can rouse these jerks.
Yeah.
Hey.
Come on, baby.
But, Fenzie.
You got your reputation to think about.
Aw, bullshit.
I got my goodies to think about, man.
Buzzy likey kissy kissy kissy?
Buzzy likey sleepy.
Sleepy sleepy.
Mike, your mom called.
She thinks I have you on some
new kind of pot or something.
Bebe, I want you to will
my body to UCLA medical.
Come on, Sammy, honey.
Just one more time for old Monica, huh?
Is it my turn again?
No more swinging from
those rafters for me, man.
It's your turn.
The hell with this.
Let's cool off.
Maybe it's Charles Bronson.
If it is, ask him if his tally-wacker
would like some poon-tang.
Hello?
Well, hello, hot-shot.
How are the boys?
What boys?
We buried them this morning.
Oh, my little darlings all worn out?
Isn't it more like flaked out?
Well, I was a little rough,
but then that's what young boys are for.
Well, we all decided that we don't
want your acting lessons anymore.
Well, baby, don't fret
your silly little head.
I just called to tell you
I don't need your boys.
You don't?
Because I have found the
greatest lover of all time.
The greatest lover of all time.
Oh, I can't stand any more.
Oh, you've got to let me rest.
Oh.
Oh my god, what a thing.
Whose thing?
Why his thing, of course.
Buongiorno, class.
Buongiorno.
This.
Is.
The.
End.
That's how I feel
Bell rings
My heart sings
And I'm out in the hall
with my best friends
Going for a ride
I feel good inside
In Hollywood High
Hollywood Hollywood Hollywood High