Hollywood Party (1934) Movie Script
Hollywood Party
(1934)
Re-synchronization:
Walter Santos
-Ah, how's business?
-Swell. It's Garbo.
It'll be even better
next week when
you play my new
Schnarzan picture.
Ah, what a star!
What a star!
Oh, has the trailer
gone on yet?
You'll just about
catch it.
Good.
Coming to this theatre soon
The mighty monarch
of the mudlands...
SCHNARZAN
THE CONQUEROR!
Jungle beasts
knew his call...
The hidden terrors of the jungle
held no fear for...
SCHNARZAN
THE CONQUEROR!
How exhilaratin'!
Untamed, untouched, untrammeled
by civilization.
Nature's forgotten man who
couldn't forget the call of nature.
Can't you see jungle woman?
I'm human even if I've got a touch
of the King Kong.
Human?
You make me laugh.
Giving them the royal razz.
OK, but underneath this lion's skin
beats a heart seething with sentiment.
Oh, I bet you say that to every animal.
Go on.
No.
I don't.
Listen to me, jungle woman.
Don't miss it if you can.
SCHNARZAN THE CONQUEROR!
SCHNARZAN THE DANGEROUS
Coming to this theatre soon
Well, there's one thing certain.
I'm not coming to this theater next week
to see that cluck Scharzan.
You can't call my star a cluck.
Cluck, cluck.
There ought to be a law.
You shouldn't allow your patrons
to say things like that.
Well, to tell you the truth, Mr. Knapp,
Schnarzan is slipping.
The public's fed up with
those mangy, toothless,
moth-eaten lions that he's
been fighting with.
You're right.
You're right.
You'll flop with Scharzan.
But the week after
you'll mop up with my star.
The one and only Liondora.
Liondora...
That cheap imitation
of the great Schnarzan.
What are you talking about?
Schnarzan is a has-been.
Stop arguing, Mr. Goldfarb.
Liondora is a bust too.
He doesn't even
use real lions.
I know because one of my relatives
played the hind legs.
But if I were you, boys,
I'd go and buy some real,
honest to goodness,
man-eaters.
Killers!
Give the public a thrill.
That's the only way
you'll ever make any money.
Real man-eaters...
Killers...
That's an idea.
The little dream nest in...
THE HOLLOWS
BUMS KEEP OU What a game!
What a game!
I trust you scored, sir.
You're darn trustin' I scored.
I hit four goals and three players.
Fetch me my slippers!
Hiya, Knapp.
What a day!
Jimmy, this is getting serious.
Your public is
turning away from you.
They say your lions
are moth-eaten,
toothless and half of
them have the mange.
The mange, hah?
Well, they didn't get it from me.
But look.
Something's gotta be done on it.
Look at that.
Right on the front page.
What does it say?
Baron Munchausen arrives
in Hollywood tomorrow,
with a cargo of
wild jungle beasts.
Jimmy, this Baron has the greatest
bunch of lions in captivity.
Well, why not get in touch
with him and use his lions?
That's what I'm leading up to.
Buddy Goldfarb may have
the same idea about Liondora.
Liondora...
My hated rival.
Why not beat Goldfarb
and Liondora to it?
We've got to get those lions
before they do.
Now...
When the Baron arrives...
entertain him the same way
you did Bernard Shaw
and Professor Einstein.
You mean make the
crumb my house-guest?
Exactly!
And don't forget,
The Baron arrives tomorrow.
Then we'll have to work fast.
I'll get a flock of beautiful girls
and give him a real African welcome.
Then we'll throw the biggest affair
since the "Boston Tea Party".
Jimmy, you're a genius!
You took the words
right out'a my mouth.
The great Schnarzan invites you
to a Hollywood party
in honor of celebrating
Baron Munchausen and his lions.
Don't be silly. Gotta date.
Gotta go to Scharzan's party.
Have to let the bridge game wait.
Gotta go to Scharzan's party.
It's going to be a swell affair.
You'll be the belle of it.
Baron's lions will be there.
The rest is really irrelevant.
Tonight's the night.
Tomorrow...
What a headache.
That's the hell of it.
-Gotta go to Scharzan's.
-Gotta go to Scharzan's.
Oh, is that you my little
white dovey-dovey?
How are ya?
Now listen to me you dirty,
big, black, snake in the bush.
What's the idea of giving a party
and not inviting me? Heh?
-Answer me that!
-Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
You don't have to get sore just because
I kicked you out of my last picture!
You don't belong
to these parties!
You get too rough!
Too involved!
That's remindin' her.
Now let me tell
you somethin'.
The day I don't play
in your pictures any more
Schnarzan will be terrible.
What do you think of that?
You know what I think of you?
You know what you are?
Un stupido animale brutto...
What's that?
You can't talk to me like that!
And that ends another
chapter in my love life.
Hello. Here's Joan Crawford,
Mr. Durante.
Not so loud, please.
No answer.
Oh, that Hollywood party...
Yes, Mr. Durante.
Here's Miss Jessup.
-Hello. I can't hear you.
-Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello!
Phone's busy
We're dizzy
It's that affair
He's going
She's going
They're going there
Put on your bib and tucker
Put on your soup and fish
I'm going
You're going
This is our dish
Hollywood party
Get up! Get out!
Get in there!
Hollywood party
Oh, nobody sleeps tonight
Bring along your girl
Go home with someone else's
Forget about your girl
Cause she's gonna do alright
We'll be kicking our heels up
Til the rooster is crowing
Bring the automobiles up
Everybody is going
Hollywood party
Going a mile a minute
Hollywood party
Nobody sleeps tonight
Hollywood party
Get up! Get out!
Get in there!
Hollywood party
Nobody sleeps tonight
Bring along your girl
Go home with someone else's
What about your girl?
She's gonna do alright
We'll be kicking our heels up
Til the rooster is crowing
Bring the automobiles up
Everybody is going
Hollywood party
Going a mile a minute
Hollywood party
Nobody sleeps tonight
Come and wear your white tie
It's the right tie
For tonight I meet you
At that noisy girlsy and boysy
Hollywood party
All the minks and sables
Wines with labels
Garbos-Gables
Greet you
Taxis send us To tremendous
Hollywood Party
All the girls wear ermine coats
They got from men
But tomorrow, oh...
They've gotta give them back again
So let the laughter spring out
Music ring out
Satan sing out
Yeah, man
At that crashing, furniture-smashing
Hollywood Party
Get out. Get out.
Get any!
Hollywood party
Nobody sleeps tonight
Oh, auntie, I hear it's going
to be a wonderful party.
I'm awfully glad we came
to Hollywood.
Think of it, Harvey.
If you hadn't known Scharzan when he
was poor, we wouldn't have been invited.
I knew him when he didn't have
a kettle to cook in.
Oh, I beg your pardon.
You're right.
He does look a little nutty.
Lobby!
Oh, I want to thank you
for a very nice trip.
Oh... Thank you very much.
Not at all.
I'd love to pick up
things for you.
Why didn't you take off
your hat?
Oh, I was afraid I couldn't get it
back on with that same air of abandon.
Well, where did you go?
Auntie, I...
I lost my purse.
This is Mr...
Harvey, we can't afford
to mix with strangers.
If we only went with our friends
we'd be pretty lonesome.
Come, Harvey. Come, Linda.
Schnarzan will be furious.
It's gonna be a great party.
Come on.
You know why Scharzan
is giving this party?
No.
To get those lions
from the Baron.
If he gets them, Liondora,
you're through in pictures.
Then I've got to get
in that party.
Beat Schnarzan to the punch.
What are we gonna
use for money?
-I want a taxi.
-A yellow, sir?
Haven't you any colors beside yellow?
How about a green or a blue?
Oh, I just love blue.
She looks much
better in blue.
I wonder who they are.
Oklahoma oil doing Hollywood.
Slug-nutty about royalty, movie stars,
titles and that sort of thing.
Pardon me, but do you know
where the great Schnarzan lives?
Yes, sir.
I'm sorry, old man,
but I didn't get your name.
Jake.
My name is Harvey Clemp.
I'm the millionaire oil king
from Clemp City, Oklahoma.
This is my wife, Henrietta,
the Oil Queen.
Henrietta, this is Jake.
How do you do.
That gives me an idea.
Don't worry, Mr. Goldfarb.
I'll crash Schnarzan's party, all right.
My husband is the
multi-est millionaire in Oklahoma.
Show the man, Harvey.
A thousand dollar bill.
You can't do that
unless you're a millionarie.
They'll recognize you at the party.
Everybody knows Liondora.
Ah, but I will not
be Liondora.
I will be the
Grand Royal Duke
Spiros Dimitros Nikolaus
Forfoltu-Varenikos
from southern part Europe.
Good old Peloponniesus.
And now I'll ask one of Schnarzan's
guests to say a few words.
Ladies and gentlemen...
Robert Young.
Greetings, ladies and gentlemen.
Is this a party?
You should see them pouring in with
that goofy look in their big blue eyes.
Gorgeous girls...
Brunettes who once were blondes.
Blondes who were once brunettes.
Hello.
And here comes
a little platinum.
Hello, Pansy.
That was a girl,
not a man.
Hello, Joan.
Oh, is she a dream and you
should see that dream walking.
I'm sorry.
I don't know where it is.
And, now ladies and gentlemen,
as I was telling...
Said, I don't know
where it is.
Lad... Oh, butler...
Would you show this gentlemen
the swimming pool?
-He wants to dive in.
-Yes, sir.
-And be sure it's empty.
-Yes, sir.
And now here's to beauty,
laughter, romance, music.
On with the biggest party
ever given in Hollywood.
Feelin' high
I get home
Well, what's the use
Of feelin' low
Now there's a reason
If you want to know why
I'm in love
And feelin' high
There's a reason
If you want to know why
I'm in love
And feelin' high
Feelin' high
What's the use
Of feelin' low
Off that wagon
On the town
Gonna be up
Never down
There's a reason
If you want to know why
I'm in love
And feelin' high
My friends, I welcome you
to my humble domicile.
Tonight, let us throw all
transgression to the winds
and enjoy ourselves
with absolute infernity.
This may be madness to you,
Harvey Clemp, but it's baloney to me.
Henrietta, you astound me.
The place is littered with movie
stars and that makes some litter.
Very artistic.
Oh, it's wonderful.
What did you expect, auntie?
Nobility running around.
A duke. An earl. A marquis.
I want to hobnob
with mi'luds.
I want to rub shoulders
with royalty.
I want a title.
How about
"Came the Dawn"?
Madame...
Oh, this is too too divine.
How too too distingue...
How too too risque.
Sorry,
but I didn't catch the name.
I am the Grand Royal Duke
Spiros Dimitros Nikolaus
Forfoltu-Varenikos.
Beg pardon,
but I still didn't get the name.
Oh, is very easy.
Is most simplicity.
I am the Grand Royal Duke
Spiros Dimitros Nikolaus
Forfoltu-Varenikos.
Oh, well...
Let it go.
A Grand Royal Duke?
This is the happiest
moment of my life.
This is my niece, Linda.
This pleasure is met with for
to suffer with happiness.
This is my millionaire husband,
Harvey Clemp.
-Pleased to meet your...
-Grace.
Grace?
A big strapping fella like that?
You care to honor me
with this dance?
Oh, no honor at all.
Harvey, don't forget to invite the
Duke to the hotel for cocktails.
By all means.
Oh, is be great pleasure to go
to hotel for cocktails and dinner.
Did I say dinner?
May I have this dance?
Well, you'll have
to ask my uncle.
May I have this dance?
Well, I'm a bad one to lead,
but I can follow.
I guess I'll just drink
this one out.
-It's the Baron.
-It's the Baron.
That's what I just said.
Look at them wagons.
That must be the lions.
They all can't be the Baron.
Remember!
I want to give him a royal welcome.
The Baron is to get
the Champagne Suite.
You take charge of the left wing.
You take the right wing.
I'll take the dark meat.
This is a holiday
No melancholy day
This is a jolly way
To welcome the Baron
Who came from the Congo today
Wait a minute!
Wait a minute!
-The Baron's coming to say hello.
-Hello!
Yes, hello!
Hello! Hello! Hello!
Not hello, hello, hello
But halloo.
Halloo!
Say how-de-do
Mit me favor. How are you
Press the flesh old thing
or Cheerio
Or say how's tricks
or there a hi-de-ho
Wie geitz, my friend
Or mazel tov
Bon jour or any high hat stuff
What a linguist!
What a linguist!
By now you outta know
The Baron's gonna say hello!
A gunna gunna
A great ahorta
Good afternoon
Or is it morning?
Give the Baron an
Afrikaans hello
What's he gonna say?
What's he gonna say?
He's coming here to say hello
Oh, no!
That rootin' tootin' son
Of a gun from Africa
That prevaricating,
second to none From Africa
He's gonna say...
He's gonna say...
I'm going to say...
And so we're here.
It has been a long walk
but we here.
Schnarzan, I bring you the
most ferocious ape
ever captured in the
middle of Africa.
He is the son
of King Kong.
His name is Ping Pong.
And look...
Let papa down.
Pingy, go to Schnarzan.
A chimpanzee!
Is that etiquette?
I'm going to say...
I'm going to...
It's an honor to our nation
To hear your salutation
We have our celebration
In great anticipation
I want to say...
I want to say...
No lions made him shiver
No tigers made him quiver
Down by the Niger river.
Where lions eat your liver
I want to say...
I want to say...
It really is a sensation
A most magnificent ovation
There's been nothing
like it before
But I really expected
much more
Please...
I only want to say...
He only wants to say...
Then let me say it!
I only want to say...
Hello!
I fooled you!
Oh, hello!
Hello! Hello! Hello!
We are very glad to meet you
And we greet you with hello
Hello! Hello! Hello!
Greetings and salutations, Baron.
Welcome to my poor house.
Well...
Who wants to live in a poorhouse?
Hello, forever
Hello, forever
Hello! Hello! Hello!
I never knew you cared.
Hello!
Look!
Imagine coming to a party
with wild animals.
Oh, it's thrilling.
It's like being at the zoo.
-Knapp!
-Jimmy!
Everything is going to be OK.
I gave the Baron the Royal Suite.
That's the idea.
Treat him right, you get the lions
and your future's insured.
Now that's what I mean.
Imagine the kick your
public will get when
they see you fighting
a lion like that.
Teeth that can bite.
Claws that can rip.
What a kick when
they see you
with your head right
in his very jaws.
He might break my neck.
There's the thrill of it.
I'm willing to take any risk
to make a big picture.
You'll be the
season's sensation.
Every newspaper will print
your name.
Yeah, in the obituary column.
Let's stroll.
Fixing a cocktail?
You picked a nice
night for it.
Careful.
You'll scratch your face.
Rather an informal entrance,
isn't it?
That Schnarzan...
He thinks he can keep me away
from his party, eh?
That dirty such and such
and so and so and this and that...
Those are strong words,
stranger.
Wait til I get a
hold of him.
I show him how
strong I am.
I get a hold of his
throat like this.
I'd hate to be
in his shoes.
Hey! I kinda like you.
Come here.
Oh, is beautiful...
Is wonderful.
What a night!
What a night!
Oh, the moon is so musk mellow
in the fragrance of your head.
Oh, your Grace...
I guess I was just made for love.
Oh, you sweet honey
bunch donuts...
You can't be for to
hide your feelings
when soul is respond
to soul.
You have heart. You have fire.
You make me for to burn.
Oh, Grace...
Don't call me Grace.
To you I am just plain Nikolaus.
Nikolaus...
From souther part Europe.
Good old Peloponneisus.
Peloponneisus?
What a beautiful name.
How lovely...
How romantic...
Oh, Henrietta!
You mustn't, Grace.
You mustn't. No. No.
You mustn't call me Grace.
Call me... Call me Nikolaus.
No...
I like Peloponneisus better.
Oh, let me for to
grab your lipsky.
No. No. Oh, no.
I... I mustn't.
You could just call me HC.
Well, don't you know any
other games but the oil game?
Yes, but I like the
old oil game best.
Mr. Clemp, come with me.
I want to show you something.
Yes, my boy.
What is it?
It's your wife.
Well, I've seen my wife.
In fact, I married her.
But, Mr. Clemp,
this is important.
Hey, HC... You're not going
to leave me here all alone?
Don't go away. I'll be right back.
Read a book or something.
You gorgeous crab, you.
Always filled the cup
of happiness for all
the people for to drink that.
Yes, that's me.
I can dish it out,
but I can't take it.
Oh, Grace. Grace!
That's what I wanted
to show you.
Hey, this is going
to be good.
He bit her.
We're in a very good position.
I can see everything.
-He kissed her.
-No!
She responds fairly well.
Interesting technique.
Oh, your Grace.
-But that's your wife.
-Oh, yes!
That's Henrietta.
Always improving her mind.
Never before I'm feel such terrifical
vibrations as I am feel now.
So top tip,
my delirious ducky wucky.
I wonder how I'd do
with those tactics.
Oh, Grace.
Oh, so you're back, eh?
Oh what a night...
The moon is so mellow
and the fragrance of your hair...
Let me give you what is commonly
known as "the works".
What's the matter with you?
Are you going crazy?
I don't seem to have
the right purchase.
Still like the old oil
game best.
What's your name?
You know, there's something
about you I like.
Sure it isn't yourself?
Oh... You got me.
Oh, I think you'll recover.
If you'll nurse me
back to life.
Plenty of fresh air
and sunshine.
And moonshine.
When the moon begins to rise
My heart begins to beat
Flowery lanes and starry skies
Have made me indiscreet
Love affairs that come and go
Have thrilled me in the past
But though you're not my first love
I'm sure that you're the last
I've had my moments
I will confess
My fleeting moments
Of tenderness
I sang of true love
I played guitars
Then found a new love
'neath tropical stars
This time's the last time
This time it's new
Love as a pastime
For me is through
I've had my moments
My big bad moments
But now my one big
moment is you
You've had your moments
I've had some too
In moonlit gardens
On waters blue
I was a siren
At seventeen
A ball of fire
You know what I mean?
But now I've found you
I know that's true
I'll search around you
I'll stick like glue
I've had my moments
My big bad moments
But now my one
big moment is you
But now my one
big moment is...
-Me?
-You!
I've had my moments
My fleeting moments
-I sang of true love
-I played guitars
Then found a new love
This time's the last time
-I've had my moments
-My big bad moments
But now my one
big moment is you
-I've had my moments
-I've had my moments
I've had my moments
I will confess
My fleeting moments
Of tenderness
I sang of true love
I played guitars
Then found a new love
'neath tropical stars
This time's the last time
This time it's new
Love as a pastime
For me is through
I've had my moments
My big bad moments
But now my one
big moment is you
-You.
-You.
-He'll sign it without...
-Hiya, fellas.
-Oh, hi.
-What kept you?
I had to work overtime.
How ya doing?
-Swell!
-Oh, great!
-Got the autographs yet?
-Yeah, I got a book full.
-And you?
-If I get another one, I'll have two.
Well, don't worry about it.
We'll have plenty before the night's over.
Oh, this is going
to be a big night.
Well, I've got a big book.
-Any celebrities show up?
-Sure.
-What are you? Autograph hounds?
-Yeah!
-Did you get any?
-Yep, I got some.
Let me see.
I got a whole book full.
Look at this.
Will you look at this.
Look at that. Look at that.
-The stars write fast, don't they?
-Yeah!
-You collectin' autographs?
-No...
Collecting photographs.
No, not of you crumbs.
-Hey, there's somebody.
-Come on.
No, no, no, Professor.
Your dissertation refutes
every scientific theory.
But, Doctor, please reflect
on the profound aspects
of the matter and consider
the vital points of my thesis.
But, gentlemen.
Your theories are
distinctly contradictory.
Are you guys actors
or hillbillies?
Come out from under the spinach,
Gable. We know you.
Out of the way, moron.
We are of the scientific
world not thespists.
Look, look.
This proves my point.
A perfect specimen of the
Neanderthal Man.
What? That? Oh no.
Look at the measurements.
Look at that. Look at that.
That's the androgynous type.
I can prove it.
The androgynous cranium is always hollow.
Now listen.
No, no no, Professor, you're wrong.
That is the skull of the Anthropedia.
No, that's more like the Anthropedia.
Now, listen.
Ah, the obvious Neanderthal type.
Now...
Now, just note the difference.
Neanderthal!
Anthropedia!
Androgynous!
Well, there you are!
Hey, fellas!
Hey, fellas!
See any prominent people?
There's a lot of prominent people here.
Yeah, Neanderthal!
Who?
Androphobia!
What?
Androgynous!
What, are you kidding?
Hold it!
Okay!
I'll skip this joint.
Mr. Durante is in conference.
He's not to be disturbed.
Well, listen here.
I want to see that pelican face.
See? And, I'm gonna
disturb him.
The scientific gentlemen
are with him.
They're having their usual
Wednesday night discussion.
Get out of my way,
you big telegraph pole.
I've very sorry but
the door is locked.
Is that so?
Well, you keep it locked, see,
until I get a few more drinks
under my belt
and when I come back
Schnarzan's goose will be cooked.
What about Mendelism?
But from the Neanderthal man
to the Cardiff Giant it has been
an absolute theory.
-You are speaking pragmatically?
-Peripatetically.
In spite of all that,
you still insist
that Huxley's theory
is authentic?
Most emphatically, I do.
I differ!
Doing some research work
for the Smithsonian Institute,
I was called in consultation
by Professor Eberworth.
That emminent philuntrist
who had heard
what I did for Einstein
and his relatives.
Professor Eberworth says...
Jimmy, I need you.
I want to consult with you
about a subject
which has baffled all the
scientists of the world.
Namely, reincarnation.
Not the carnation that I am wearing
to my buttonhole. No...
Not the carnation of a king,
but reincarnation.
A ponderous question.
Professor Eberworth
and me being
the only two guys
who knows the low-down.
What is reincarnation you mugs,
you earthworms,
you nincompoops,
you chuckleheads?
Last night with my head
on my lacy pillow
I was a man dreaming
I was a butterfly.
Sipping the sap from
flower to flower
just like a little butterfly.
I had butterfly words.
Butterfly desires.
Just a man dreaming
I was a butterfly.
And how do I know now that
I'm not a butterfly
dreaming that I'm a man?
Wait a minute!
I can see myself now.
I go way back to Adam.
Adam and his madam.
Boys, I was Adam!
GARDEN OF EDEN
One, two, three, four, five.
There's a rib missing.
They promised me a woman
for that rib.
There's something screwy
around here.
Where's that beautiful
baby doll?
Oh, daddy...
A carbon copy!
I've been ribbed!
Reincarnation works
in wonderous ways.
Like in the American Revolutionary
days in 1775.
Hardly a man is now alive.
Not even you, old buzzards.
I was!
I was...
Paul Revere!
Paul Revere!
Good old horse.
How many more miles have
you got in your system?
I gotta million of them.
Put that underneath your hatta
A man has more lives than a catta
Those episodes in
my career are just
A demonstration of
three little words
Re -Ink -Carnation
Mr. Clemp, if you make for
to get those lions
is being terrifical pleasure for
to let you produce pictures with me.
Come, come, Peloponnesius.
You don't mean that you'll let me invest
some of my money in your screen offerings?
I do better is that.
I let you invest for all money.
Sounds like a
good opportunity.
There is the Baron now.
Make him an offer.
Well, Baron...
I'm prepared to offer you
50.000 dollars for your lions.
-Will you take it?
-I take 50.000 for anything.
Beg your pardon,
but we haven't met.
I'm Harvey Clemp,
the oil king.
Look...
A thousand dollar bill.
You can't do that unless
you're a multi-millionarire.
A millionaire!
Somebody give him a slipper.
Quick.
Gracie, move over.
Sit down, will you please.
Some champagne in a glass.
Now, Baron,
don't forget our deal is on.
Deliver the lions to the
studio in the morning
and get our check
for fifty grand.
I will.
Thank you.
I'll give sixty.
-I'll make it seventy.
-Eighty.
-Ninety.
-A hundred.
-A hundred and ten.
-A hundred and thirty.
Wait!
You skipped a hundred and twenty.
-A hundred and twenty.
-A hundred and ten.
-A hundred.
-Ninety.
-Eighty.
-Seventy.
Wait, gentlemen.
You're going backward.
We were up to a
hundred thirty thousand.
So we were.
I'll make it a hundred and forty.
I'll make it a hundred and fifty
and that's all we can afford.
Could I hear a hundred sixty?
A hundred fifty-five?
Waiting.
Could I, please,
hear hundred fifty-five?
I'd rather make it a
hundred seventy-five.
Sold! Sold to the
gentleman on my right
for one hundred seventy-five
thousand dollars.
I want to congratulate you, Baron.
I think you made a mighty good sale there.
A mouse!
There it is!
Mousey, mousey, mousey.
Nice mousey, mousey, mousey.
-It's Mickey Mouse!
-Oh, Mickey Mouse!
Hey, you!
Let go of my tail!
An impostor!
Stealin' my stuff!
How mortifyin'!
How mortifyin'!
He ain't get the feeling
and a guest in my own domicile.
Fightin' words...
My mansion ain't big enough
for the both of us.
Okay, pal.
You wouldn't throw me out, would you?
I wouldn't, hah?
Watch me!
-Do something, Mickey!
-Yeah!
Hey, Mickey!
Cut out the adagios
and play something to the
level of these mugs.
THE HOT CHOC-LATE SOLDIERS
Look at the brave hot chocolate
soldiers marching away to war
Followed by more hot chocolate
soldiers fresh from the candy store
Look at the band that's going with
them look at the drums they've got
Marching in syncopated rhythm
Rhythm that makes it hot
Here they come. Here they come with
a candy fife and a chocolate drum
Here they come. Here they come
With their tummies full of rum
Look at those lovely chocolate
ladies giving a parting sigh
Tillies and Flo's and Kates and Sadies
Throwing a kiss goodbye
Listen to me, hot chocolate
soldier hide from the blazing sun
Don't get too hot, hot chocolate
soldier til the battle's won
They're off to fight
The battle of vanilla-roma
Over there
They crossed the springs and mountain
tops and through the fields of lollipops
It's war! It's war!
The popguns roar
From planes to strand
And candy hight
They'll bomb the foe
With cracker-jack
They're off to fight
Those great big gingerbread men
And they'll come
marching home
Look at the brave hot chocolate
soldiers marching away from war
Followed by more hot chocolate
soldiers back to the candy store
Look at the band that's coming with
them look at the drums they've got
Marching in syncopated rhythm
Rhythm that makes it hot
Here they come. Here they come with
a candy fife and a chocolate drum
Here they come. Here they come
With their tummies full of rum
Look at those lovely chocolate
ladies waving to greet their men
Tillies and Flo's and Kates and Sadies
Happy as brides again
Listen to me, hot chocolate
soldier hide from the blazing sun
Don't get too hot, hot chocolate
soldier now the battle's won
Jimmy...
We're in trouble.
Harvey Clemp bought those lions
from the Baron.
He outbid me.
Liondora had a hand in this.
The rat!
We've got to get
those lion back.
Olhe!
My big bad moments
That's Clemp's wife.
Poor Clemp.
Here's where
you come in.
Get busy with Mrs. Clemp.
Do your stuff.
You mean Don Juan?
You're better than
Don Juan.
I'm Don Two.
I got my work
cut out for me.
I wonder who it is.
Maybe the Barrymores.
Perhaps it's Garbo.
What do you want?
We'd like to see the Baron.
Baron Munchausen.
What's your business?
Well, you see, sir...
It goes like this.
He bought some lions from us.
And paid us with a check.
Yes and we've been all over
town trying to cash it.
Fifty thousand tiddly-winks?
Yes, sir. The Baron told us
that a tiddly-wink
was worth a dollar and
a half in his country.
That is, you understand,
at the present rate of exchange.
You guys are screwy!
Now, listen...
If you guys ring that
bell again, I'll break
your arm off and stuff it
down your throat.
Who rang the bell?
I did.
-Are you going to stand for that?
-I should say not!
He can't bluff me.
I'm going to see the Baron
if I have to stay here all night.
I'll give him his check
and take back our lions.
That's a good idea.
We can get along without
his old piddly-winks.
Certainly.
We don't want...
Not piddly-winks...
Tiddly-winks.
Piddly-winks...
Now, if you come ba...
Oh, Baron!
Baron Munchausen!
Don't be rude.
Oh, Baron!
Oh, Baron!
Pardon us, folks.
I've had my moments
I've had my moments
I will confess
My fleeting moments
Of tenderness
I sang of true love
I played guitars
Then found a new love
'neath tropical stars
An infant prodigy.
This time's the last time
This time it's new
Love as a pastime
For me is through
Your stomach notes
are beautiful.
I've had my moments
My big bad moments
Rubenstein's melody intact.
But now my one
big moment is you
You've got me
under your spell.
Please continue but
in a lighter vein.
A new style of singing.
What stirrin' words...
What diction...
For posterity.
I've had my moments
I'm convinced.
My big bad moments
You're the biggest thing
since Canera.
But now my one
big moment is you
I'm gonna take you under my wing.
And develop you.
Do you think my personality and
figure will appeal to the public?
You'll know them for a gool I tell you.
You'll be a double feature.
Won't Clemp City be amazed!
Maybe I'll be America's Sweetheart.
You'll be everybody's sweetheart.
Your picture will be on every ash can.
My dream producer...
Ah... Pardon me.
Have you seen Baron Munchausen?
Oh yes.
Many times.
I want some service.
Mr. Durante says, Miss Velez,
that if you came to
this party you weren't to have
anything to drink.
I don't care whatever he say!
I want service!
I know, but he said
no more tonight.
I don't care!
You keep out of this.
Oh, so you want
to strike me?
Sit down.
I wanna talk to you.
Alright, but make it snappy.
There they are.
How can I ever repay you?
If I've got anything you want,
just ask for it.
-Anything?
-Anything.
Then get your husband
to give me those lions.
I've gotta get some lions
to fight with.
It's my career.
I must find a lion to replace Anatole.
Anatole?
That's Anatole.
I owe my success to him.
He was the first lion I ever
conquered with my bare fist.
I beat him to a rug.
Anatole came charging me
from behind a tree.
I gave the famous Schnarzan call,
and then...
And then, I leaped.
I got him by the throat.
It was me or the lion.
I gave him the jungle jai-jitsi...
And then Anatole was a dead cat.
It was another Schnarzan triumph.
Just another chapter
in my memory book.
I have no fear of man,
woman or beast.
Just the way
of the Durantes.
And after you conquered Anatole,
what did you do?
I gave him a chance to rest
and then I pounced on him again.
He got immune!
I'm double crossed. Oh...
You, big brute!
I like it on top.
I'll mangle you...
from bone to bone.
There's no room
for both of us.
Hollywood Party!
Hollywood Party! Hollywood Party!
Hollywood Party!
Going a mile a minute
Hollywood Party
Nobody sleeps tonight
Hollywood Party
Get up! Get out!
Get in there!
Hollywood Party
Nobody sleeps tonight
But now my one
big moment is...
-Me?
-You!
Hollywood Party
Hollywood Party
Tarzan,
The Untamed
Jimmy!
Jimmy, wake up!
Oh...
Who is it?
Oh, it's you.
What's the matter?
You frightened me, honey.
I was just dreamin'.
You've been sleeping
an hour.
Come on. We'll be late
for Lupe's party.
-Come on, dear.
-Jean...
Tell me...
Do I look like a horse's head?
No, Jimmy.
Not like a horse's head.
Come on, toots.
THE END
(1934)
Re-synchronization:
Walter Santos
-Ah, how's business?
-Swell. It's Garbo.
It'll be even better
next week when
you play my new
Schnarzan picture.
Ah, what a star!
What a star!
Oh, has the trailer
gone on yet?
You'll just about
catch it.
Good.
Coming to this theatre soon
The mighty monarch
of the mudlands...
SCHNARZAN
THE CONQUEROR!
Jungle beasts
knew his call...
The hidden terrors of the jungle
held no fear for...
SCHNARZAN
THE CONQUEROR!
How exhilaratin'!
Untamed, untouched, untrammeled
by civilization.
Nature's forgotten man who
couldn't forget the call of nature.
Can't you see jungle woman?
I'm human even if I've got a touch
of the King Kong.
Human?
You make me laugh.
Giving them the royal razz.
OK, but underneath this lion's skin
beats a heart seething with sentiment.
Oh, I bet you say that to every animal.
Go on.
No.
I don't.
Listen to me, jungle woman.
Don't miss it if you can.
SCHNARZAN THE CONQUEROR!
SCHNARZAN THE DANGEROUS
Coming to this theatre soon
Well, there's one thing certain.
I'm not coming to this theater next week
to see that cluck Scharzan.
You can't call my star a cluck.
Cluck, cluck.
There ought to be a law.
You shouldn't allow your patrons
to say things like that.
Well, to tell you the truth, Mr. Knapp,
Schnarzan is slipping.
The public's fed up with
those mangy, toothless,
moth-eaten lions that he's
been fighting with.
You're right.
You're right.
You'll flop with Scharzan.
But the week after
you'll mop up with my star.
The one and only Liondora.
Liondora...
That cheap imitation
of the great Schnarzan.
What are you talking about?
Schnarzan is a has-been.
Stop arguing, Mr. Goldfarb.
Liondora is a bust too.
He doesn't even
use real lions.
I know because one of my relatives
played the hind legs.
But if I were you, boys,
I'd go and buy some real,
honest to goodness,
man-eaters.
Killers!
Give the public a thrill.
That's the only way
you'll ever make any money.
Real man-eaters...
Killers...
That's an idea.
The little dream nest in...
THE HOLLOWS
BUMS KEEP OU What a game!
What a game!
I trust you scored, sir.
You're darn trustin' I scored.
I hit four goals and three players.
Fetch me my slippers!
Hiya, Knapp.
What a day!
Jimmy, this is getting serious.
Your public is
turning away from you.
They say your lions
are moth-eaten,
toothless and half of
them have the mange.
The mange, hah?
Well, they didn't get it from me.
But look.
Something's gotta be done on it.
Look at that.
Right on the front page.
What does it say?
Baron Munchausen arrives
in Hollywood tomorrow,
with a cargo of
wild jungle beasts.
Jimmy, this Baron has the greatest
bunch of lions in captivity.
Well, why not get in touch
with him and use his lions?
That's what I'm leading up to.
Buddy Goldfarb may have
the same idea about Liondora.
Liondora...
My hated rival.
Why not beat Goldfarb
and Liondora to it?
We've got to get those lions
before they do.
Now...
When the Baron arrives...
entertain him the same way
you did Bernard Shaw
and Professor Einstein.
You mean make the
crumb my house-guest?
Exactly!
And don't forget,
The Baron arrives tomorrow.
Then we'll have to work fast.
I'll get a flock of beautiful girls
and give him a real African welcome.
Then we'll throw the biggest affair
since the "Boston Tea Party".
Jimmy, you're a genius!
You took the words
right out'a my mouth.
The great Schnarzan invites you
to a Hollywood party
in honor of celebrating
Baron Munchausen and his lions.
Don't be silly. Gotta date.
Gotta go to Scharzan's party.
Have to let the bridge game wait.
Gotta go to Scharzan's party.
It's going to be a swell affair.
You'll be the belle of it.
Baron's lions will be there.
The rest is really irrelevant.
Tonight's the night.
Tomorrow...
What a headache.
That's the hell of it.
-Gotta go to Scharzan's.
-Gotta go to Scharzan's.
Oh, is that you my little
white dovey-dovey?
How are ya?
Now listen to me you dirty,
big, black, snake in the bush.
What's the idea of giving a party
and not inviting me? Heh?
-Answer me that!
-Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
You don't have to get sore just because
I kicked you out of my last picture!
You don't belong
to these parties!
You get too rough!
Too involved!
That's remindin' her.
Now let me tell
you somethin'.
The day I don't play
in your pictures any more
Schnarzan will be terrible.
What do you think of that?
You know what I think of you?
You know what you are?
Un stupido animale brutto...
What's that?
You can't talk to me like that!
And that ends another
chapter in my love life.
Hello. Here's Joan Crawford,
Mr. Durante.
Not so loud, please.
No answer.
Oh, that Hollywood party...
Yes, Mr. Durante.
Here's Miss Jessup.
-Hello. I can't hear you.
-Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello!
Phone's busy
We're dizzy
It's that affair
He's going
She's going
They're going there
Put on your bib and tucker
Put on your soup and fish
I'm going
You're going
This is our dish
Hollywood party
Get up! Get out!
Get in there!
Hollywood party
Oh, nobody sleeps tonight
Bring along your girl
Go home with someone else's
Forget about your girl
Cause she's gonna do alright
We'll be kicking our heels up
Til the rooster is crowing
Bring the automobiles up
Everybody is going
Hollywood party
Going a mile a minute
Hollywood party
Nobody sleeps tonight
Hollywood party
Get up! Get out!
Get in there!
Hollywood party
Nobody sleeps tonight
Bring along your girl
Go home with someone else's
What about your girl?
She's gonna do alright
We'll be kicking our heels up
Til the rooster is crowing
Bring the automobiles up
Everybody is going
Hollywood party
Going a mile a minute
Hollywood party
Nobody sleeps tonight
Come and wear your white tie
It's the right tie
For tonight I meet you
At that noisy girlsy and boysy
Hollywood party
All the minks and sables
Wines with labels
Garbos-Gables
Greet you
Taxis send us To tremendous
Hollywood Party
All the girls wear ermine coats
They got from men
But tomorrow, oh...
They've gotta give them back again
So let the laughter spring out
Music ring out
Satan sing out
Yeah, man
At that crashing, furniture-smashing
Hollywood Party
Get out. Get out.
Get any!
Hollywood party
Nobody sleeps tonight
Oh, auntie, I hear it's going
to be a wonderful party.
I'm awfully glad we came
to Hollywood.
Think of it, Harvey.
If you hadn't known Scharzan when he
was poor, we wouldn't have been invited.
I knew him when he didn't have
a kettle to cook in.
Oh, I beg your pardon.
You're right.
He does look a little nutty.
Lobby!
Oh, I want to thank you
for a very nice trip.
Oh... Thank you very much.
Not at all.
I'd love to pick up
things for you.
Why didn't you take off
your hat?
Oh, I was afraid I couldn't get it
back on with that same air of abandon.
Well, where did you go?
Auntie, I...
I lost my purse.
This is Mr...
Harvey, we can't afford
to mix with strangers.
If we only went with our friends
we'd be pretty lonesome.
Come, Harvey. Come, Linda.
Schnarzan will be furious.
It's gonna be a great party.
Come on.
You know why Scharzan
is giving this party?
No.
To get those lions
from the Baron.
If he gets them, Liondora,
you're through in pictures.
Then I've got to get
in that party.
Beat Schnarzan to the punch.
What are we gonna
use for money?
-I want a taxi.
-A yellow, sir?
Haven't you any colors beside yellow?
How about a green or a blue?
Oh, I just love blue.
She looks much
better in blue.
I wonder who they are.
Oklahoma oil doing Hollywood.
Slug-nutty about royalty, movie stars,
titles and that sort of thing.
Pardon me, but do you know
where the great Schnarzan lives?
Yes, sir.
I'm sorry, old man,
but I didn't get your name.
Jake.
My name is Harvey Clemp.
I'm the millionaire oil king
from Clemp City, Oklahoma.
This is my wife, Henrietta,
the Oil Queen.
Henrietta, this is Jake.
How do you do.
That gives me an idea.
Don't worry, Mr. Goldfarb.
I'll crash Schnarzan's party, all right.
My husband is the
multi-est millionaire in Oklahoma.
Show the man, Harvey.
A thousand dollar bill.
You can't do that
unless you're a millionarie.
They'll recognize you at the party.
Everybody knows Liondora.
Ah, but I will not
be Liondora.
I will be the
Grand Royal Duke
Spiros Dimitros Nikolaus
Forfoltu-Varenikos
from southern part Europe.
Good old Peloponniesus.
And now I'll ask one of Schnarzan's
guests to say a few words.
Ladies and gentlemen...
Robert Young.
Greetings, ladies and gentlemen.
Is this a party?
You should see them pouring in with
that goofy look in their big blue eyes.
Gorgeous girls...
Brunettes who once were blondes.
Blondes who were once brunettes.
Hello.
And here comes
a little platinum.
Hello, Pansy.
That was a girl,
not a man.
Hello, Joan.
Oh, is she a dream and you
should see that dream walking.
I'm sorry.
I don't know where it is.
And, now ladies and gentlemen,
as I was telling...
Said, I don't know
where it is.
Lad... Oh, butler...
Would you show this gentlemen
the swimming pool?
-He wants to dive in.
-Yes, sir.
-And be sure it's empty.
-Yes, sir.
And now here's to beauty,
laughter, romance, music.
On with the biggest party
ever given in Hollywood.
Feelin' high
I get home
Well, what's the use
Of feelin' low
Now there's a reason
If you want to know why
I'm in love
And feelin' high
There's a reason
If you want to know why
I'm in love
And feelin' high
Feelin' high
What's the use
Of feelin' low
Off that wagon
On the town
Gonna be up
Never down
There's a reason
If you want to know why
I'm in love
And feelin' high
My friends, I welcome you
to my humble domicile.
Tonight, let us throw all
transgression to the winds
and enjoy ourselves
with absolute infernity.
This may be madness to you,
Harvey Clemp, but it's baloney to me.
Henrietta, you astound me.
The place is littered with movie
stars and that makes some litter.
Very artistic.
Oh, it's wonderful.
What did you expect, auntie?
Nobility running around.
A duke. An earl. A marquis.
I want to hobnob
with mi'luds.
I want to rub shoulders
with royalty.
I want a title.
How about
"Came the Dawn"?
Madame...
Oh, this is too too divine.
How too too distingue...
How too too risque.
Sorry,
but I didn't catch the name.
I am the Grand Royal Duke
Spiros Dimitros Nikolaus
Forfoltu-Varenikos.
Beg pardon,
but I still didn't get the name.
Oh, is very easy.
Is most simplicity.
I am the Grand Royal Duke
Spiros Dimitros Nikolaus
Forfoltu-Varenikos.
Oh, well...
Let it go.
A Grand Royal Duke?
This is the happiest
moment of my life.
This is my niece, Linda.
This pleasure is met with for
to suffer with happiness.
This is my millionaire husband,
Harvey Clemp.
-Pleased to meet your...
-Grace.
Grace?
A big strapping fella like that?
You care to honor me
with this dance?
Oh, no honor at all.
Harvey, don't forget to invite the
Duke to the hotel for cocktails.
By all means.
Oh, is be great pleasure to go
to hotel for cocktails and dinner.
Did I say dinner?
May I have this dance?
Well, you'll have
to ask my uncle.
May I have this dance?
Well, I'm a bad one to lead,
but I can follow.
I guess I'll just drink
this one out.
-It's the Baron.
-It's the Baron.
That's what I just said.
Look at them wagons.
That must be the lions.
They all can't be the Baron.
Remember!
I want to give him a royal welcome.
The Baron is to get
the Champagne Suite.
You take charge of the left wing.
You take the right wing.
I'll take the dark meat.
This is a holiday
No melancholy day
This is a jolly way
To welcome the Baron
Who came from the Congo today
Wait a minute!
Wait a minute!
-The Baron's coming to say hello.
-Hello!
Yes, hello!
Hello! Hello! Hello!
Not hello, hello, hello
But halloo.
Halloo!
Say how-de-do
Mit me favor. How are you
Press the flesh old thing
or Cheerio
Or say how's tricks
or there a hi-de-ho
Wie geitz, my friend
Or mazel tov
Bon jour or any high hat stuff
What a linguist!
What a linguist!
By now you outta know
The Baron's gonna say hello!
A gunna gunna
A great ahorta
Good afternoon
Or is it morning?
Give the Baron an
Afrikaans hello
What's he gonna say?
What's he gonna say?
He's coming here to say hello
Oh, no!
That rootin' tootin' son
Of a gun from Africa
That prevaricating,
second to none From Africa
He's gonna say...
He's gonna say...
I'm going to say...
And so we're here.
It has been a long walk
but we here.
Schnarzan, I bring you the
most ferocious ape
ever captured in the
middle of Africa.
He is the son
of King Kong.
His name is Ping Pong.
And look...
Let papa down.
Pingy, go to Schnarzan.
A chimpanzee!
Is that etiquette?
I'm going to say...
I'm going to...
It's an honor to our nation
To hear your salutation
We have our celebration
In great anticipation
I want to say...
I want to say...
No lions made him shiver
No tigers made him quiver
Down by the Niger river.
Where lions eat your liver
I want to say...
I want to say...
It really is a sensation
A most magnificent ovation
There's been nothing
like it before
But I really expected
much more
Please...
I only want to say...
He only wants to say...
Then let me say it!
I only want to say...
Hello!
I fooled you!
Oh, hello!
Hello! Hello! Hello!
We are very glad to meet you
And we greet you with hello
Hello! Hello! Hello!
Greetings and salutations, Baron.
Welcome to my poor house.
Well...
Who wants to live in a poorhouse?
Hello, forever
Hello, forever
Hello! Hello! Hello!
I never knew you cared.
Hello!
Look!
Imagine coming to a party
with wild animals.
Oh, it's thrilling.
It's like being at the zoo.
-Knapp!
-Jimmy!
Everything is going to be OK.
I gave the Baron the Royal Suite.
That's the idea.
Treat him right, you get the lions
and your future's insured.
Now that's what I mean.
Imagine the kick your
public will get when
they see you fighting
a lion like that.
Teeth that can bite.
Claws that can rip.
What a kick when
they see you
with your head right
in his very jaws.
He might break my neck.
There's the thrill of it.
I'm willing to take any risk
to make a big picture.
You'll be the
season's sensation.
Every newspaper will print
your name.
Yeah, in the obituary column.
Let's stroll.
Fixing a cocktail?
You picked a nice
night for it.
Careful.
You'll scratch your face.
Rather an informal entrance,
isn't it?
That Schnarzan...
He thinks he can keep me away
from his party, eh?
That dirty such and such
and so and so and this and that...
Those are strong words,
stranger.
Wait til I get a
hold of him.
I show him how
strong I am.
I get a hold of his
throat like this.
I'd hate to be
in his shoes.
Hey! I kinda like you.
Come here.
Oh, is beautiful...
Is wonderful.
What a night!
What a night!
Oh, the moon is so musk mellow
in the fragrance of your head.
Oh, your Grace...
I guess I was just made for love.
Oh, you sweet honey
bunch donuts...
You can't be for to
hide your feelings
when soul is respond
to soul.
You have heart. You have fire.
You make me for to burn.
Oh, Grace...
Don't call me Grace.
To you I am just plain Nikolaus.
Nikolaus...
From souther part Europe.
Good old Peloponneisus.
Peloponneisus?
What a beautiful name.
How lovely...
How romantic...
Oh, Henrietta!
You mustn't, Grace.
You mustn't. No. No.
You mustn't call me Grace.
Call me... Call me Nikolaus.
No...
I like Peloponneisus better.
Oh, let me for to
grab your lipsky.
No. No. Oh, no.
I... I mustn't.
You could just call me HC.
Well, don't you know any
other games but the oil game?
Yes, but I like the
old oil game best.
Mr. Clemp, come with me.
I want to show you something.
Yes, my boy.
What is it?
It's your wife.
Well, I've seen my wife.
In fact, I married her.
But, Mr. Clemp,
this is important.
Hey, HC... You're not going
to leave me here all alone?
Don't go away. I'll be right back.
Read a book or something.
You gorgeous crab, you.
Always filled the cup
of happiness for all
the people for to drink that.
Yes, that's me.
I can dish it out,
but I can't take it.
Oh, Grace. Grace!
That's what I wanted
to show you.
Hey, this is going
to be good.
He bit her.
We're in a very good position.
I can see everything.
-He kissed her.
-No!
She responds fairly well.
Interesting technique.
Oh, your Grace.
-But that's your wife.
-Oh, yes!
That's Henrietta.
Always improving her mind.
Never before I'm feel such terrifical
vibrations as I am feel now.
So top tip,
my delirious ducky wucky.
I wonder how I'd do
with those tactics.
Oh, Grace.
Oh, so you're back, eh?
Oh what a night...
The moon is so mellow
and the fragrance of your hair...
Let me give you what is commonly
known as "the works".
What's the matter with you?
Are you going crazy?
I don't seem to have
the right purchase.
Still like the old oil
game best.
What's your name?
You know, there's something
about you I like.
Sure it isn't yourself?
Oh... You got me.
Oh, I think you'll recover.
If you'll nurse me
back to life.
Plenty of fresh air
and sunshine.
And moonshine.
When the moon begins to rise
My heart begins to beat
Flowery lanes and starry skies
Have made me indiscreet
Love affairs that come and go
Have thrilled me in the past
But though you're not my first love
I'm sure that you're the last
I've had my moments
I will confess
My fleeting moments
Of tenderness
I sang of true love
I played guitars
Then found a new love
'neath tropical stars
This time's the last time
This time it's new
Love as a pastime
For me is through
I've had my moments
My big bad moments
But now my one big
moment is you
You've had your moments
I've had some too
In moonlit gardens
On waters blue
I was a siren
At seventeen
A ball of fire
You know what I mean?
But now I've found you
I know that's true
I'll search around you
I'll stick like glue
I've had my moments
My big bad moments
But now my one
big moment is you
But now my one
big moment is...
-Me?
-You!
I've had my moments
My fleeting moments
-I sang of true love
-I played guitars
Then found a new love
This time's the last time
-I've had my moments
-My big bad moments
But now my one
big moment is you
-I've had my moments
-I've had my moments
I've had my moments
I will confess
My fleeting moments
Of tenderness
I sang of true love
I played guitars
Then found a new love
'neath tropical stars
This time's the last time
This time it's new
Love as a pastime
For me is through
I've had my moments
My big bad moments
But now my one
big moment is you
-You.
-You.
-He'll sign it without...
-Hiya, fellas.
-Oh, hi.
-What kept you?
I had to work overtime.
How ya doing?
-Swell!
-Oh, great!
-Got the autographs yet?
-Yeah, I got a book full.
-And you?
-If I get another one, I'll have two.
Well, don't worry about it.
We'll have plenty before the night's over.
Oh, this is going
to be a big night.
Well, I've got a big book.
-Any celebrities show up?
-Sure.
-What are you? Autograph hounds?
-Yeah!
-Did you get any?
-Yep, I got some.
Let me see.
I got a whole book full.
Look at this.
Will you look at this.
Look at that. Look at that.
-The stars write fast, don't they?
-Yeah!
-You collectin' autographs?
-No...
Collecting photographs.
No, not of you crumbs.
-Hey, there's somebody.
-Come on.
No, no, no, Professor.
Your dissertation refutes
every scientific theory.
But, Doctor, please reflect
on the profound aspects
of the matter and consider
the vital points of my thesis.
But, gentlemen.
Your theories are
distinctly contradictory.
Are you guys actors
or hillbillies?
Come out from under the spinach,
Gable. We know you.
Out of the way, moron.
We are of the scientific
world not thespists.
Look, look.
This proves my point.
A perfect specimen of the
Neanderthal Man.
What? That? Oh no.
Look at the measurements.
Look at that. Look at that.
That's the androgynous type.
I can prove it.
The androgynous cranium is always hollow.
Now listen.
No, no no, Professor, you're wrong.
That is the skull of the Anthropedia.
No, that's more like the Anthropedia.
Now, listen.
Ah, the obvious Neanderthal type.
Now...
Now, just note the difference.
Neanderthal!
Anthropedia!
Androgynous!
Well, there you are!
Hey, fellas!
Hey, fellas!
See any prominent people?
There's a lot of prominent people here.
Yeah, Neanderthal!
Who?
Androphobia!
What?
Androgynous!
What, are you kidding?
Hold it!
Okay!
I'll skip this joint.
Mr. Durante is in conference.
He's not to be disturbed.
Well, listen here.
I want to see that pelican face.
See? And, I'm gonna
disturb him.
The scientific gentlemen
are with him.
They're having their usual
Wednesday night discussion.
Get out of my way,
you big telegraph pole.
I've very sorry but
the door is locked.
Is that so?
Well, you keep it locked, see,
until I get a few more drinks
under my belt
and when I come back
Schnarzan's goose will be cooked.
What about Mendelism?
But from the Neanderthal man
to the Cardiff Giant it has been
an absolute theory.
-You are speaking pragmatically?
-Peripatetically.
In spite of all that,
you still insist
that Huxley's theory
is authentic?
Most emphatically, I do.
I differ!
Doing some research work
for the Smithsonian Institute,
I was called in consultation
by Professor Eberworth.
That emminent philuntrist
who had heard
what I did for Einstein
and his relatives.
Professor Eberworth says...
Jimmy, I need you.
I want to consult with you
about a subject
which has baffled all the
scientists of the world.
Namely, reincarnation.
Not the carnation that I am wearing
to my buttonhole. No...
Not the carnation of a king,
but reincarnation.
A ponderous question.
Professor Eberworth
and me being
the only two guys
who knows the low-down.
What is reincarnation you mugs,
you earthworms,
you nincompoops,
you chuckleheads?
Last night with my head
on my lacy pillow
I was a man dreaming
I was a butterfly.
Sipping the sap from
flower to flower
just like a little butterfly.
I had butterfly words.
Butterfly desires.
Just a man dreaming
I was a butterfly.
And how do I know now that
I'm not a butterfly
dreaming that I'm a man?
Wait a minute!
I can see myself now.
I go way back to Adam.
Adam and his madam.
Boys, I was Adam!
GARDEN OF EDEN
One, two, three, four, five.
There's a rib missing.
They promised me a woman
for that rib.
There's something screwy
around here.
Where's that beautiful
baby doll?
Oh, daddy...
A carbon copy!
I've been ribbed!
Reincarnation works
in wonderous ways.
Like in the American Revolutionary
days in 1775.
Hardly a man is now alive.
Not even you, old buzzards.
I was!
I was...
Paul Revere!
Paul Revere!
Good old horse.
How many more miles have
you got in your system?
I gotta million of them.
Put that underneath your hatta
A man has more lives than a catta
Those episodes in
my career are just
A demonstration of
three little words
Re -Ink -Carnation
Mr. Clemp, if you make for
to get those lions
is being terrifical pleasure for
to let you produce pictures with me.
Come, come, Peloponnesius.
You don't mean that you'll let me invest
some of my money in your screen offerings?
I do better is that.
I let you invest for all money.
Sounds like a
good opportunity.
There is the Baron now.
Make him an offer.
Well, Baron...
I'm prepared to offer you
50.000 dollars for your lions.
-Will you take it?
-I take 50.000 for anything.
Beg your pardon,
but we haven't met.
I'm Harvey Clemp,
the oil king.
Look...
A thousand dollar bill.
You can't do that unless
you're a multi-millionarire.
A millionaire!
Somebody give him a slipper.
Quick.
Gracie, move over.
Sit down, will you please.
Some champagne in a glass.
Now, Baron,
don't forget our deal is on.
Deliver the lions to the
studio in the morning
and get our check
for fifty grand.
I will.
Thank you.
I'll give sixty.
-I'll make it seventy.
-Eighty.
-Ninety.
-A hundred.
-A hundred and ten.
-A hundred and thirty.
Wait!
You skipped a hundred and twenty.
-A hundred and twenty.
-A hundred and ten.
-A hundred.
-Ninety.
-Eighty.
-Seventy.
Wait, gentlemen.
You're going backward.
We were up to a
hundred thirty thousand.
So we were.
I'll make it a hundred and forty.
I'll make it a hundred and fifty
and that's all we can afford.
Could I hear a hundred sixty?
A hundred fifty-five?
Waiting.
Could I, please,
hear hundred fifty-five?
I'd rather make it a
hundred seventy-five.
Sold! Sold to the
gentleman on my right
for one hundred seventy-five
thousand dollars.
I want to congratulate you, Baron.
I think you made a mighty good sale there.
A mouse!
There it is!
Mousey, mousey, mousey.
Nice mousey, mousey, mousey.
-It's Mickey Mouse!
-Oh, Mickey Mouse!
Hey, you!
Let go of my tail!
An impostor!
Stealin' my stuff!
How mortifyin'!
How mortifyin'!
He ain't get the feeling
and a guest in my own domicile.
Fightin' words...
My mansion ain't big enough
for the both of us.
Okay, pal.
You wouldn't throw me out, would you?
I wouldn't, hah?
Watch me!
-Do something, Mickey!
-Yeah!
Hey, Mickey!
Cut out the adagios
and play something to the
level of these mugs.
THE HOT CHOC-LATE SOLDIERS
Look at the brave hot chocolate
soldiers marching away to war
Followed by more hot chocolate
soldiers fresh from the candy store
Look at the band that's going with
them look at the drums they've got
Marching in syncopated rhythm
Rhythm that makes it hot
Here they come. Here they come with
a candy fife and a chocolate drum
Here they come. Here they come
With their tummies full of rum
Look at those lovely chocolate
ladies giving a parting sigh
Tillies and Flo's and Kates and Sadies
Throwing a kiss goodbye
Listen to me, hot chocolate
soldier hide from the blazing sun
Don't get too hot, hot chocolate
soldier til the battle's won
They're off to fight
The battle of vanilla-roma
Over there
They crossed the springs and mountain
tops and through the fields of lollipops
It's war! It's war!
The popguns roar
From planes to strand
And candy hight
They'll bomb the foe
With cracker-jack
They're off to fight
Those great big gingerbread men
And they'll come
marching home
Look at the brave hot chocolate
soldiers marching away from war
Followed by more hot chocolate
soldiers back to the candy store
Look at the band that's coming with
them look at the drums they've got
Marching in syncopated rhythm
Rhythm that makes it hot
Here they come. Here they come with
a candy fife and a chocolate drum
Here they come. Here they come
With their tummies full of rum
Look at those lovely chocolate
ladies waving to greet their men
Tillies and Flo's and Kates and Sadies
Happy as brides again
Listen to me, hot chocolate
soldier hide from the blazing sun
Don't get too hot, hot chocolate
soldier now the battle's won
Jimmy...
We're in trouble.
Harvey Clemp bought those lions
from the Baron.
He outbid me.
Liondora had a hand in this.
The rat!
We've got to get
those lion back.
Olhe!
My big bad moments
That's Clemp's wife.
Poor Clemp.
Here's where
you come in.
Get busy with Mrs. Clemp.
Do your stuff.
You mean Don Juan?
You're better than
Don Juan.
I'm Don Two.
I got my work
cut out for me.
I wonder who it is.
Maybe the Barrymores.
Perhaps it's Garbo.
What do you want?
We'd like to see the Baron.
Baron Munchausen.
What's your business?
Well, you see, sir...
It goes like this.
He bought some lions from us.
And paid us with a check.
Yes and we've been all over
town trying to cash it.
Fifty thousand tiddly-winks?
Yes, sir. The Baron told us
that a tiddly-wink
was worth a dollar and
a half in his country.
That is, you understand,
at the present rate of exchange.
You guys are screwy!
Now, listen...
If you guys ring that
bell again, I'll break
your arm off and stuff it
down your throat.
Who rang the bell?
I did.
-Are you going to stand for that?
-I should say not!
He can't bluff me.
I'm going to see the Baron
if I have to stay here all night.
I'll give him his check
and take back our lions.
That's a good idea.
We can get along without
his old piddly-winks.
Certainly.
We don't want...
Not piddly-winks...
Tiddly-winks.
Piddly-winks...
Now, if you come ba...
Oh, Baron!
Baron Munchausen!
Don't be rude.
Oh, Baron!
Oh, Baron!
Pardon us, folks.
I've had my moments
I've had my moments
I will confess
My fleeting moments
Of tenderness
I sang of true love
I played guitars
Then found a new love
'neath tropical stars
An infant prodigy.
This time's the last time
This time it's new
Love as a pastime
For me is through
Your stomach notes
are beautiful.
I've had my moments
My big bad moments
Rubenstein's melody intact.
But now my one
big moment is you
You've got me
under your spell.
Please continue but
in a lighter vein.
A new style of singing.
What stirrin' words...
What diction...
For posterity.
I've had my moments
I'm convinced.
My big bad moments
You're the biggest thing
since Canera.
But now my one
big moment is you
I'm gonna take you under my wing.
And develop you.
Do you think my personality and
figure will appeal to the public?
You'll know them for a gool I tell you.
You'll be a double feature.
Won't Clemp City be amazed!
Maybe I'll be America's Sweetheart.
You'll be everybody's sweetheart.
Your picture will be on every ash can.
My dream producer...
Ah... Pardon me.
Have you seen Baron Munchausen?
Oh yes.
Many times.
I want some service.
Mr. Durante says, Miss Velez,
that if you came to
this party you weren't to have
anything to drink.
I don't care whatever he say!
I want service!
I know, but he said
no more tonight.
I don't care!
You keep out of this.
Oh, so you want
to strike me?
Sit down.
I wanna talk to you.
Alright, but make it snappy.
There they are.
How can I ever repay you?
If I've got anything you want,
just ask for it.
-Anything?
-Anything.
Then get your husband
to give me those lions.
I've gotta get some lions
to fight with.
It's my career.
I must find a lion to replace Anatole.
Anatole?
That's Anatole.
I owe my success to him.
He was the first lion I ever
conquered with my bare fist.
I beat him to a rug.
Anatole came charging me
from behind a tree.
I gave the famous Schnarzan call,
and then...
And then, I leaped.
I got him by the throat.
It was me or the lion.
I gave him the jungle jai-jitsi...
And then Anatole was a dead cat.
It was another Schnarzan triumph.
Just another chapter
in my memory book.
I have no fear of man,
woman or beast.
Just the way
of the Durantes.
And after you conquered Anatole,
what did you do?
I gave him a chance to rest
and then I pounced on him again.
He got immune!
I'm double crossed. Oh...
You, big brute!
I like it on top.
I'll mangle you...
from bone to bone.
There's no room
for both of us.
Hollywood Party!
Hollywood Party! Hollywood Party!
Hollywood Party!
Going a mile a minute
Hollywood Party
Nobody sleeps tonight
Hollywood Party
Get up! Get out!
Get in there!
Hollywood Party
Nobody sleeps tonight
But now my one
big moment is...
-Me?
-You!
Hollywood Party
Hollywood Party
Tarzan,
The Untamed
Jimmy!
Jimmy, wake up!
Oh...
Who is it?
Oh, it's you.
What's the matter?
You frightened me, honey.
I was just dreamin'.
You've been sleeping
an hour.
Come on. We'll be late
for Lupe's party.
-Come on, dear.
-Jean...
Tell me...
Do I look like a horse's head?
No, Jimmy.
Not like a horse's head.
Come on, toots.
THE END