Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves (1997) Movie Script

I'm so excited, Patty.
I've been looking at the La Costa
brochure every day for two months.
I can't believe we're
finally leaving tomorrow.
Yeah. Look, I know you want to
take your car, but can I drive?
Yeah. Okay.
Oh, no!
The mail went into my cereal.
Yeah, this house
is driving me crazy.
I really need this vacation.
- Mom, we're out of peanut butter.
- It looks so peaceful.
- I said we're out of peanut butter.
- Well, don't complain to me.
Talk to your father. You know
he's in charge of household legumes.
Think you can get me
at 7:00 tomorrow morning?
Okay. 8:00?
No, the equipment has been
completely overhauled, I assure you.
I did it myself. It's packing
it up that's really important.
You see, if it
isn't done right...
I really can't guarantee
that it'll get there undamaged.
Hold on. I lost the sun.
No, no. I- I-I'm thrilled that the Smithsonian
wants to display my shrinking machine.
It's just that I'd prefer to
dismantle it and reassemble it myself.
I just think I'm more
responsible than most people.
Dad, we're out
of peanut butter.
Mom says you're responsible.
Hello? Hello?
Okay. Then it's settled.
I- I... I'll pack it up
this weekend...
and your movers will come
on Monday and take it to Washington.
Oh, by the way, feel free to use
it to shrink the national debt.
Hello. Hello?
How do you like that?
Your dad's invention is gonna be in the
Smithsonian alongside the Gramophone.
- What's a Gramophone?
- An early record player.
What's a record player?
An early CD player.
What was it you wanted?
Well, I was makin' a peanut butter
and jelly sandwich for lunch...
and I can't find
the peanut butter.
Peanut butter. Peanut butter.
Where are you?
You know, Dad,
I was kinda thinkin'...
that, you know, summer's
not that far away.
It might be good for me
to go to baseball camp.
Don't you want to go back to that
neat science camp we sent you to?
Camp Isosceles was fun, Dad...
but I've been there now
three years in a row.
Yeah, but the fourth year
is the best. Trigonometry?
Ah! Peanuts.
Coffee grinder
will solve our problem.
But all my friends
are goin' to baseball camp.
Baseball's just a trend. It'll pass.
But science is always cool.
- There you go.
- It's got grounds in it.
- It's decaf.
- Wayne!
Don't you have to get to work?
I thought you had a big presentation.
- Oh, my gosh. I gotta go.
- So what? I thought you were the president.
I am the president. But presidents
have less freedom than anybody.
And they don't have any fun.
Tiki Man, you've served me well.
Oh, and I like the way you
made it rain yesterday too.
- Wayne, I wish you'd get rid of that piece of junk Tiki Man.
- Shh! You'll anger him.
He takes up so much room, and you won't
even let us hang our coats on him.
He's a Polynesian god,
not a coat-rack, Diane.
He belongs in a miniature golf course. I don't
even know why you bought him in the first place.
- To have fun?
- Wayne?
You are saying goodbye
to Mr. Tiki Man this weekend.
I'm sorry, but that's that.
Be cool.
I'll think of something.
Cold chow mein for lunch?
Uh, yeah. All the kids
are eatin' it.
Hey, Mom, did Nick ever complain
about going to Camp Isosceles?
He sure did. He hated that it lasted
only six weeks instead of eight.
What a brain box.
Mom, what if I didn't want to go
to a camp named after a triangle?
Amy didn't go to science camp.
She went to Shakespeare camp.
Would you rather do that?
- No.
- Oh, where did all these bugs come from?
Ooh, a daddy longlegs.
No, Mom, don't kill it!
Daddy longlegs are good.
They eat other bugs.
And that would be
your Aunt Patty.
Hey, he's gone.
You live, for now.
Tell your friends.
Oh, gosh.
I'm sorry. Hi, Adam.
Diane, we have to talk. I'm still
worried about the kids if we go away.
No. They are not old enough
t- to stay by themselves.
- And what if Mitch gets sick?
- We've been over this.
- If anything goes wrong, our husbands will be there.
- My point exactly.
Patty, don't start with me.
We both need this vacation.
You are more neurotic than ever, and
I've lost my perspective on my marriage.
Besides, the kids
are old enough. Look at them.
They're like well-behaved
little adults.
You're right. You're right.
Oh, man. I got this
great story, okay?
One time we were at
this Chinese restaurant...
and I sneezed, and six grains
of rice came out my nose.
Ooh, I've only done liquids.
But once Jenny did a piece of spaghetti.
- Oh, man, it was, like, hangin' out to there.
- Shut up!
At least I'm not sick
24 hours a day.
I can't help it if I have
a potassium deficiency.
Yeah, but how do you explain
your IQ deficiency?
- Shut up! - Ooh!
- Hey! Stop it!
- Come on, let's get her! Come on, get her!
- Mom!
Mm-hmm. Hi!
I better get them to school.
Uh, Patty?
What's with the blocks?
Oh, the car was making funny noises this
morning, and you can never be too careful.
I mean, what if the parking brake went?
I worry about these things.
That's why you need a vacation.
Because at Szalinski...
At Szalinski Labs,
the-the... the future...
At Szalinski Labs,
the future is...
the future is...
Crap. No, the future isn't crap.
The future is now!
Yes, that was the president...
and my brother, Wayne Szalinski.
And what a speech. Mmm? Wow.
Anyway, I'll bet
you're all hungry.
So we have a full buffet brunch
waiting for you right downstairs.
Eat all you want,
and thanks for coming.
And don't forget,
at Szalinski Labs...
the future is...
Glad I can breathe again. Nothing like
the smell of two-part epoxy resin.
- Whoo.
- Must be an acquired taste.
- Hi, Marcia. Hi, Trouser.
- Say hi, Trouser.
- Hello. Hello.
- Hello?
Turns out that's
what "woof" means.
Feed me. Feed me.
That looks promising.
- How's Project Green Lantern coming?
- Just okay.
I've run into some problems, but if
you give me just a little more time...
I think I can solve 'em, maybe.
All right. Well,
let's see what you got.
Of course, the goal of Project Green
Lantern was to decrease accidents...
to highway workers at night by
increasing their visibility...
through the use
of internal fluorescence.
Now, already we've made tremendous
strides in the areas of luminescence.
Put away the snowblower, Gordon.
What's the problem?
See for yourself.
- It's not workin'. It's supposed to make
my body glow. - Mm-hmm. Open your shirt.
- Oh, Jimmy. Is that my stomach?
- Yeah. And here's mine.
The problem is, the liquid just stays
in your gut. I don't know what to do.
Well, obviously it's not getting
absorbed into the bloodstream.
Have you tried going
through the calcium channel?
- The calcium channel?
- Yeah, mix it with milk. That'll make it work.
- It's obvious.
- Hey, I'm not without ideas.
I was gonna suggest making the
highway workers wear tube tops.
I'm sorry. I didn't know
that you were, um, working.
- What is it, Trina?
- Oh. Um, Earl Parmen called...
to say that he has two VIP passes for
the shuttle touchdown late tonight...
at Edwards Air Force Base.
- Do you want them?
- Do we want them?
Oh, oh. Wait. Wait. Isn't there something
we're supposed to be doing this weekend?
Not that I can remember.
I just gotta call Diane.
Forty dollars should be
enough for pizza.
Now, what else?
Who took the handset?
Who took the handset?
The handset.
- Hi, you have reached the Szalinski's.
- Machine.
Please leave a message or fax
or a binary file after the beep.
Guess what? Change of plans. Gordon and I just
got invited to see the space shuttle land tonight.
- So if it's okay, we're gonna take off.
- No, Wayne, it is not okay.
Patty and I are going on vacation.
I must have told you this 15 times.
- Don't you remember?
- Sure, I remembered. Then I forgot.
Well, listen to me now, Wayne,
and listen good.
I am going on this vacation,
and nothing...
and no one can stop me!
You do need a vacation.
I'm sorry we're late.
I had to find Mitch's medicine.
- You got everything now?
- I hope so. - All set?
Hey, come on.
Okay. This is it.
Two days without mommies.
It will be hard.
It will be tough.
But I have every confidence
you'll make it...
if you follow these rules.
One: don't raid the refrigerator
between meals.
Two: take your vitamins after dinner.
Three: no roller-blading in the house.
Four: get rid of the Tiki Man.
Got it?
- Any other questions?
- Uh, yeah. Can I have some friends over?
- No.
- Come on, Mom. Don't you trust me?
Save it for the debating team,
Jenny. The answer is still no.
- But, Mom, I...
- Any other questions? Good. Bye, kids.
I love you.
Have fun and try
to relax, Diane.
You too. Have fun
and try to relax.
- You sure you're gonna be okay?
- We'll be fine.
- Bye, Mom.
- Bye, sweetie. Be careful, Mitchell.
Oh, wear pads
when you roller-blade.
And don't eat too much sugar.
It speeds up your metabolism.
And please put on a T-shirt under your...
under your pajamas tonight, okay?
Why don't you just put me
in a plastic bubble, why don't you?
I feel like I'm
forgetting something.
Which reminds me. Adam. Adam!
I just did the laundry...
so you'll have plenty
of clean underpants!
- I bet you they have lace on 'em.
- Oh, no!
- Now what?
- You guys are all guests in my house this weekend...
and I want us to have
a good time.
So I planned a little
kick-off surprise.
We are gonna use marshmallows
and gumdrops...
to make models
of water molecules.
What do you think?
You're a maniac, Uncle Wayne.
I know. Anyway, we're gonna
put 'em together...
Oh, darn. I forgot
to get toothpicks.
I'm gonna need you guys to run
down to the mini mart for me.
How much do you think
toothpicks cost?
Oh, about six
or seven dollars a box.
Well, here's a ten.
If there's any change,
get yourselves some snacks.
But see if you can get back
within an hour or so, okay?
For molecule action.
- Come on, Mitch.
- Gee, Wayne.
It's not like you
to forget the toothpicks.
What? What's so funny?
It was just a ruse
to get them out of the house.
A ruse? Why?
To save Tiki Man.
I can't believe Diane's making
you throw this out. It's mint.
Tell me about it. I finally find something I want to do with
my MacArthur Genius grant money, and my wife vetoes it.
You've gotta learn
how to negotiate, Wayne.
- I bet I could talk Diane into letting you keep it.
- I got a plan.
- A little further.
- A little further.
- Whoa! - Tilt it
up. - Tilting up.
- Tip it.
- Tip it.
- Great.
- Great. Just great.
Just perfect.
The thing's
only seven feet tall.
Call me crazy. I think
Diane might notice this.
Not if I shrink it.
- The machine looks beautiful.
- Yeah.
I got it out of mothballs
and polished it up for the Smithsonian.
- I'm gonna fire it up.
- Great. What?
Oh, no. No. No! You're not
gonna s-start it up again?
You can't start it up again.
You were banned from using this by a
joint committee of the FD A and your wife.
Is the FD A here?
Is my wife here?
I've made up my mind. I'm gonna shrink that
Tiki Man so I can carry it with me always.
Besides, it's a point of honor.
Do you think a weekend
can take care of seven years...
of waxy emotional buildup?
You poor thing. Well, you're
on the road to recovery now.
Oh! And for the trip, I brought
along a special friend...
to aid in the healing process.
Dr. Brother Love himself,
Mr. Neil Diamond!
Get out of here! You brought
the Hot August Nights cassette?
I did! Yeah!
Oh, no!
I forgot to leave Mitch his medicine.
We've gotta go back.
- Gordon, I can see your left leg.
- Huh?
Come on over here and help me.
Let me know when we hit critical mass.
Okay, bro.
- You're at ten percent now.
- This is why I wanted the kids out of the house.
I don't want to take
any chances.
Sixty percent.
Eighty percent.
- Ninety percent.
- Come on, shrink machine. One more time.
We have critical mass.
- It worked!
- It must have.
Come on. Let's go find it.
- Magnifying glass.
- Magnifying glass.
- You see it?
- No. Start at the sides and I'll meet you in the middle.
Sounds like the machine
is revving up again.
Yeah, don't worry. There's nobody
in the house to hit the button.
Can you see it? Huh?
- What's that?
- What?
- Here it is!
- That's just a speck.
- Wait, Wayne. Is that it?
- No.
- What's that? -
Huh? - That's it!
- There it is!
- Huh?
Wow! A tiny Tiki!
Wayne, you're a genius.
You know, I always appreciated
the scientific use of that machine...
but never its
marital implications.
- Huh?
- Aw, it didn't work.
It grew back.
- What do you think went wrong?
- I don't know.
the induction sequence...
- Hello.
- Hello?
- Anybody here?
- Hey.
- Doesn't look like it.
- Wayne got rid of the Tiki Man. I don't believe it!
See? You say he doesn't
listen to you.
Things are getting better
Okay, I'll leave it. I'll just put it right
here, and then they'll be sure to see them.
- Good.
- Okay.
Oh, listen.
The boys must be
working upstairs.
Let's go see what they do
as soon as we leave.
You shrunk us? You idiot!
- I'm sorry.
- I'll kill you!
- That hurts, Gordon! -
Ooh, does it hurt? - Yeah!
- Does that hurt you?
- That hurts!
Not as much as this!
- I can explain!
- You can explain nothing!
- Guys! Hello.
- Wives.
- Hey, where are they?
- Guys?
- We're in big trouble.
- Why? They can't find us to yell at us!
But they can step on us.
- Well, they gotta be here somewhere.
- No place to hide.
- Hey, this thing is on.
- Don't be silly.
A joint committee of the FD A
and myself have told Wayne...
that he is never to use the shrinking
machine for the rest of his natural life.
- Oh, yeah. I'm sure.
- Besides, he told me it doesn't even work any more.
Wayne knows he's forbidden
to ever touch that thing again.
Diane? What's going on here?
Diane. Hi.
Diane, something happened.
- Wayne? - Yes?
- Are we shrunk?
I'm not gonna lie to you. Yes, we are.
I was at the machine and I was just...
- How did this happen?
- Well, it's sort of a funny story.
And what is that
Tiki thing doing here?
- Uh, well...
- Tiki thing?
Oh, I get it. You thought
you could outsmart me, Wayne.
You thought you could just shrink the
Tiki Man down and I wouldn't notice.
Well, guess what, Wayne?
I noticed!
Now, Diane, calm down.
How can I calm down?
I am smaller than a raisin!
Diane, if you think about this
with a modicum of hindsight, you...
Oh, stop trying to use your interpersonal
skills to smooth things over!
- He's dragged us into it too.
- Can I just say something?
- This doesn't normally happen.
- No! You cannot say anything right now!
People, p-please! Could we argue somewhere else?
I don't think it's real safe here on the floor.
That's true. We got to get away
from the shoes and the cockroaches.
Cockroaches? There are
cockroaches here?
- Well, it's an attic!
- I hate cockroaches.
And th-that's just regular-sized cockroaches,
not cockroaches the size of sofas.
- Sofas? - You know, Wayne... - I bet
if we climb up that wicker chair...
- we can get to the windowsill.
- Good. - Okay, that's great!
Well, let's get going, 'cause
it's gonna take a long time.
Diane. Are you gonna stay mad
at me the whole time we're tiny...
or are you gonna try and make
the best out of a bad situation?
- I'm gonna stay mad at you the whole time.
- Good.
Come on.
Yes. Yes! I made it.
Oh, Gordon, you are so buff.
Hey, Patty! Hang in there!
You're doing great!
No. No, Gordon.
Great would be
if I were in La Costa.
I'm doing the opposite of great.
I'm doing sucky.
Honey, at least you're
getting some exercise.
Yeah. Now that I have a wicker chair,
I don't have to go to the gym any more.
Come on. Good. You got it.
You got it. Okay.
Hard part's over.
- Uh-huh. - Now, all we have
to do is walk across this...
- footbridge.
- Gordon, that is not a footbridge.
It's a stick.
To you, maybe. To Gordon Szalinski,
it's a highway to bigness.
See? I'm walking
across the footbridge.
I'm not looking down.
But I am a cat.
I am a panther.
I am scared stiff.
Huh? Ta-da! Okay.
Okay, follow me.
And I just picked it up
in a hardware store...
but it has performed better in my
wind tunnel tests than anything else.
- Look, you can see the driveway from here.
- There's my car.
Hey. Hey, the kids will see it
and know we're here.
- That's right. They're smart. They'll figure it out.
- So we're saved.
Yes! I told you everything
would be fine!
I forgot to put the blocks in.
I knew I heard a noise.
You should have
those brakes looked at.
Hey, Adam, do you think your dad'll
let us roast those molecules...
when we're done with them?
That is so lame.
I'm trying to work
with what we've got.
What we've got is
a weekend in Dullsville.
Dad! Uncle Wayne!
No roller-blading in the house.
- You're not my mom.
- That's right. 'Cause if I were you'd be up for adoption.
Take off your Rollerblades.
Dad! Uncle Gordon!
- They don't seem to be here.
- That's weird.
I gotta make a phone call.
Oh, hey, look.
- Must've left a message.
- Guess what? Change of plans.
Gordon and I just got invited to see
the space shuttle land tonight.
- So if it's okay, we're gonna take off.
- If that's okay?
They wouldn't just take off.
Oh, hey, look!
Forty dollars for pizza!
- They must really be gone then.
- Yeah. So what now?
Of course, as soon as the kids realize
we're gone, they'll be very upset.
All right! Yeah!
Yeah. And I'm sure their first thought will
be, "Gee, I bet our parents are shrunk. "
Yeah, that's true. And there's
no reason for them to come up here.
So we gotta get to them.
Well, how? We'll never get
down the stairs alive.
Well, the fastest way is to go straight
out the window and into Adam's room.
- You know what we could do?
- Gordon, I'm the inventor here. Can I figure this out?
Now, the shortest distance
between two points is a straight line.
If I had some sort of cable, a pulley system
that I could use to transport us down.
- But what could it be? If I had some sort of mini zeppelin.
- Wayne.
- Or a pneumatic device. Or jet packs powered...
- Wayne.
by an isotope-based
thruster system.
- Wayne!
- What?
How 'bout something
like a fishing reel?
That would work.
I'm gonna invite
all my friends over.
I'm gonna eat anything I want.
I'm not gonna take my vitamins.
- I am gonna play my music really loud.
- I'm not gonna wear any socks.
And I'm gonna bleach my hair.
Okay. Look, we can all do
whatever we want.
But we have to make a pact
this weekend.
No matter what, our parents
can never find out.
- Promise? -
Promise. - Promise.
- Gordon, I'm freaking.
- Shh, shh, shh. It's okay, sweetheart. It's almost over.
Hang on!
So far, so good.
So I'm at my uncle's house
on Echo Lane.
Yes, the one with
the weirdo mailbox.
So guess what?
My parents are out of town for a whole weekend,
and we have the house all to ourselves.
So I think I'm gonna
throw a party.
Oh, my God! A party?
Wait 'til you see what I'm gonna wear.
- Where are we?
- This is Adam's room.
- This is the top of his chest of drawers.
- We are in serious trouble.
Ah, come on, Patty.
It won't be that bad.
I mean, we'll have to
find a shoe to live in.
But the kids are messy eaters. There'll
be plenty of crumbs for us to eat.
Wayne, we're not gonna spend the rest of
our lives tiny. We're going to get big again.
Somehow, some way, we'll get
our kids' attention.
How? They hardly listen to us when we're
full-sized. Now it'll be impossible.
Unless we can make
our voices full-size.
Well, there's gotta be a way.
Like, does Adam have a bullhorn or a...
- a... a karaoke machine?
- No.
Hey, I got it! I can rewire the stereo
so we can talk through the speakers.
- That would amplify our voices a hundred times!
- And that'll work?
Sure. Just slip in through the vent of
the receiver and hot-wire the circuits.
- Yee-hah! We have a plan.
- What do you think, Diane?
It's a plan.
Yeah. Hey, hey, this one's done.
This one's done.
All right. Yeah.
Hey, how come there's no instructions
for a balloon full of chili?
Okay. Be here at 6:00,
ready to dance. Okay? Bye.
All set. Jody, Holly and Corky
are coming for dinner tonight...
...and they're not leaving until tomorrow morning.
- Wait a second.
You're having a sleepover
after what Mom said? She'll kill you.
Mom's not gonna find out.
Remember our little promise?
If you'll excuse me for a second,
I have some shopping to do.
- Gee.
- Oh, man!
Wow! Adam's Sharkruiser.
- It's perfect.
- Wow. That's beautiful.
Wait 'til you see this.
I gave it to him for Christmas.
This is incredible!
Look at this detail.
- Great green gobs
- Hey, Adam!
Of greasy, grimy gopher guts
Mutilated monkey meat
Dirty little birdie feet
French fry eyeballs
swimming in a pool of blood
- Adam!
- Me without my spoon
- Adam! - Adam! -
But I've got a straw
- Adam! -
Adam! - Adam!
Well, I think we just witnessed
the private world of a child.
- Where did he learn that disgusting song?
- Oh, who knows where kids pick these things up?
Oh, sure. Just last week,
Mitch sang the exa...
Okay, guys. Hop in.
- What are you doing?
- Going down the hall the quickest way possible.
I think we can wiggle our way
off the edge.
Are you insane? We don't even
know where this track leads.
Adam's always sending his
Hot Wheels out into the hall.
Yeah, still, but tha... that
loop-the-loop doesn't look safe to me.
With our weight and velocity,
I don't think it would be a problem.
So, are we willing
to give it a shot?
Hold on a minute.
We're gonna be safe about this.
This should work.
All right. Just to be safe, I
want us to strap ourselves in...
with these orthodontia bands.
Here. Wayne. Diane. Would you
hold this for me, please?
- Yes.
- Too bad Adam wasn't playin' with the Splittin' Image, huh?
- That was cherry.
- Yeah. But the Twin Mill was fastest, remember?
- You bet. Everybody strapped in?
- Yeah.
- All right. Let's start rockin'.
- And go. Yeah.
Come on. Come on.
- I just remembered something!
- What?
The Sharkruiser is terrible
in the loop!
Look out ahead!
Hold on! It's a jump!
Wayne. Where's Wayne?
Honey? I don't think we're using
enough fabric softener.
Ah, the hot dog people
have a question.
They want to know why they are sitting
at the base of a volcano.
- Just tell them it's for flavor.
- It's for flavor.
Oh, the hot dog lady has a baby.
- Ooh, little baby.
- Cute. Yes, you are.
Oh, no! The gods are getting
restless and hungry!
The village people forgot
to make a sacrifice!
Now they must become snacks.
Behold my wrath!
- We are melting!
- It's working.
- All right!
- Oh, no!
We're burning up! Nothing can save us
from the vortex o' chili! Ha-ha!
- I'll save the baby! I'll save the baby!
- Save the baby.
I'm gonna eat the woman's leg.
- Mmm. "Lava-licious. "
- "Lava-licious. "
She yells at me
even when she's gone.
That was the most frightening
ride I have ever had in my life.
I never want to go through
anything like that ever again.
You know, wouldn't it be cool
if our parents never came back?
- Do you think it could happen?
- Nah, I'm just saying what if.
Yeah. Well, I don't think
I'd miss them that much.
I mean...
I like it when they
take me places.
And I sort of wish my mom was here to,
uh, clean up the mess in the kitchen.
What am I, your servant?
Yeah. You know, mostly parents
just love to nag and hassle you.
They just want to turn you
into a brain box like my dad.
- Brain box? - It's
a compliment. - Oh!
Yeah, I bet my parents wish
I didn't have a medical problem.
- Well, what do you have anyway?
- Diane! Diane! Don't do that!
- I mean, you don't seem that sick.
- It's called hypokalemic paralysis.
It's a genetic thing. You wouldn't
understand. But it's not that big a deal.
I mean, I haven't even taken
my medicine today and I feel fine.
- I probably don't even need it any more.
- Oh, my God!
What is he saying? Do you think
he didn't see where we put the medicine?
Here. Just drop it here.
I want to show you something.
- We're going over!
- Oh, Mommy!
Oh. Oh, I'm so nauseous.
- You want to see something super, super awesome?
- Sure.
- We're right back where we started from.
- I fell down and broke my crown.
- That was fun.
- It's mega-secret, okay?
- If my dad found out I had this, he'd go ballistic.
- What is it?
Watch out. Here it is.
Oh, my gosh!
- Oh, check it out!
- Whoa.
- That's rad!
- Look at that.
- Oh, my.
- Oh, yes!
- Did you know about this?
- Did you know about this? We are so sorry.
Oh. Sorry.
You boys are in big trouble. I'm gone for one
minute, and you turn the place into a pigsty.
Uh, we're sorting laundry.
Now, get down here and clean it up,
'cause we've gotta get ready for the party!
Party? You can't have a party.
I said no friends!
Come on. We better get down there
before Queen Hell Jenny gets really mad.
Hey. Ooh!
We'll look at this later.
- Wayne, what are you doing?
- Diane, I have to know what we're dealing with here.
I didn't see this coming.
- Oh, I can't believe you guys made such a mess.
- This is all your fault.
- Whose idea was it anyway? - It
was his fault. - No, it was him.
- No. You filled up the balloon.
- He gave me the machine. You filled... Oh, you...
Go get the door, you guys.
And if you think you're done
cleaning up, you are crazy.
- Who are you?
- Holly.
- Hi. Did you bring the stuff?
- Yeah.
I got the CDs, the sour cream
and my dad's bubble machine.
- A bubble machine?
- Yeah, it's the coolest thing.
The bubbles will go great
with the streamers.
Okay. You're the cheerleader.
Now, let's get ready to party.
They're here.
That's enough clowning around, you guys.
The party's just about to start.
Adam, Mitch. You guys are gonna
serve the ginger ale.
I mean, the champagne.
- Uh, forget it.
- We're not your slaves.
- Hi, girls.
- Hi! - Hi!
- Look, I brought Clarissa.
- Clarissa?
We're not into dolls any more.
- We're not?
- No. Now we're into boys.
- Hey, Jen. -
Hi. - Hi, Jill.
- Hi.
- Did you know Jill was coming?
- Who's Jill?
- She's starting shortstop for the Warriors.
- A girl plays Little League?
- Yeah, and she's awesome.
- Come on. - I get the chips! -
Let's go get something to drink.
- Um, Jenny?
- What?
- We changed our minds. We'll be your slaves.
- Great.
- We will?
- Yes.
You know, there was a time when
I thought this house was too small.
Yeah. When I get big, I'm gonna
walk downstairs two at a time.
Look what I found.
It's a piece of a pin.
I gotta stop and examine more things. I mean,
look at the grain in this hardwood floor.
It's beautiful. It almost tells
the story of how the whole tree grew.
I gotta take the time
to appreciate the world around me.
I've been working too hard.
I've gotta stop and notice things.
- Really? Like what?
- Well, like...
Well, like the intricate weave
of this carpet.
Or the perfect cylindrical
quality of this roach turd.
- Roach turd?
- What?
Not to worry. See, it's dry.
Whoever dropped this left
a long time ago. Maybe weeks or months.
We vacuum more than that.
Nope. The only thing you got to
worry about is if we ran into...
a wet one.
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Go this way!
- Let's head for the stairs!
- Forget it. That thing's faster than we'll ever be.
Well, what are we
supposed to do?
Follow me! I got an idea!
Let's get out of here!
Come on! We'll be safe in here.
- Come on. He's gaining on us.
- Whatever you do, stay to the right.
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
- Wayne.
How did you know that there
was a clear path here?
Oh, I've taken
these things apart.
- He's just standing out there.
- Move around here. We'll lure him in.
He touched me.
His antennae touched me!
Move around! Move around!
Move around!
- Oh, no! My foot. I'm stuck!
- Come on. We better get out of here!
I'm stuck. I can't get
my foot out! Wayne!
Wayne, I'm stuck!
Come get me. Wayne!
Wayne, help me!
Get me out of here! Help!
Oh, my God.
We did it! Huh?
- Szalinskis check in.
- And they do check out!
Ricky King may be cute,
but he's also really conceited.
But he's also really cute.
Jenny, truth or dare.
Do you love Ricky King?
Then your dare is, you have to call
Ricky up and tell him you think he's cute!
- No way! I can't. - I even have his
number. - You have to. You have to.
- You have to. - Come
on, come on. - She has to.
Hi, Ricky?
This is Jenny Szalinski.
Oh, I'm just having a party with some
of my friends at my uncle's house.
Yeah, the one with
the weirdo mailbox.
Listen, um, I just called
to tell you...
- Come on.
- The reason I was calling is...
I think you're cute.
She really said it!
I never thought you would...
Something to drink?
We'll be right back.
- Oh, my God. - You think that's
embarrassing? - Adam! Adam! Adam, wait up.
I have to go upstairs
for a second.
I'll be right back.
Watch out. Here comes your son.
- Hi, honey.
- Hey, Mitchy!
- Oh. Honey. Honey! - He's
in pain. - What's wrong?
If he doesn't get some potassium in his
system right away, he could pass out.
We've gotta get downstairs
to the kitchen, get those pills!
Don't worry, sweetheart.
Mommy's right here. She's right here.
We've gotta get downstairs
and fast.
- Geez. That doesn't look safe.
- There's no other way down, is there, Wayne?
Well, it's certainly the fastest route, and
it's the same basic concept as a parachute.
If we stand in front of the nozzle
as the bubble's being created,
I think the surface tension
should hold our weight.
Should? I don't like should.
- It's decided. I'm going.
- I'm going with you, Patty.
Well, then we'll head to the stereo
and meet up with you later.
You're gonna be okay doing this?
I know I've never been
a very brave person...
but for some reason,
right now I don't know fear.
When I thought that the
cockroach was gonna eat you...
I've never been so scared
in my whole life.
I love everything about you, Diane, and
I promise things are gonna get better.
Oh, you don't know how glad
I am to hear you say that.
I love everything
about you too.
You know, except for
this shrinking stuff.
Step in front of the nozzle
after the next ring.
Now! One, two, three, jump!
Okay, okay, okay.
Here we go.
Oh, it's working!
- Bye! - Bye,
guys. - Bye.
- Ohh!
- Oh, it's working.
Oh. I told her not
to have a party.
- At least there aren't any boys.
- Really.
Okay. Oh!
All right.
They made it to safety.
- We'd better get to the kitchen and get Mitch's medicine.
- Yeah.
- After you.
- Mmm.
- Ready, Butch?
- Ready, Sundance.
- Whoa, shoot!
- Whoa, shoot!
Whoa! Ooh!
Oh... Oh!
Hey! It's a bubble.
Oh, yeah. It's a bubble.
I'm hot. I'll be back.
- Okay, Holly.
- Whoa! Ooh!
Oh, yeah!
Whoa! Whoa!
- Hang on.
- To what?
- Wayne.
- What?
- Gordon? - Huh?
- Before you die...
- there's a bright light, isn't there?
- Yeah.
- Oh, no!
- Chip and dip is served.
- Here you go.
- Gordon! We're alive!
We've been saved by onion dip.
My God. We owe our lives
to an appetizer.
- Adam, let's go get some root beer.
- Let's get outta here before we get eaten.
Relax, Gordon. They're teenage girls.
How much can they eat?
No! No!
- Watch out!
- No! Ohh!
- Oh, boy, they're everywhere!
- Ohh! Oh, God!
- Hey!
- Don't let 'em eat me.
- Watch out! Aah! Aah! No!
- Do the breast stroke. Do the breast stroke.
- Mmm!
- You sound like a cow.
Jill, you're making a mess.
Well, this stuff is really good.
What's in it?
The Szalinski brothers.
Well, here we are.
Well, how are we gonna
get up the counter?
Whoa. There must be a way.
- Dare.
- Ooh! Sucker.
Okay, I dare you to do
your monkey impression.
- Want a napkin?
- Yeah.
You know, I've been watching the kids.
The girls really seem to like Mitch.
He's making 'em laugh.
But the guy that really
impresses me is Adam.
Seems so cool, confident.
Yeah. He's so different from me.
You know, I was a complete loser
when I was that age.
And when I was a teenager.
And through most of college.
Heck, I only met Diane
'cause I bashed into her car.
- Come on. I'll race you to the stereo.
- Where you goin'?
- Where you going?
- Come on!
Wayne. Whoa!
You're gonna love this!
Head start! No fair! Whee!
- I'm coming through!
- Whoa!
Come on!
- Oh!
- And the man does a belly burner!
I haven't done that
since I was little.
It's probably just the neighbors.
Give me the doll.
Here. What are you gonna
do with it?
- Shh. -
Okay. - Okay.
- Shh!
- Okay!
- Hey, Jen.
- Ricky King. What are you doing here?
Well, you said you were having a party,
so we figured we'd drop by.
- Hi, Vince. Hi,
Trey. - Hey. - Hey.
- What do you got there?
- Oh, nothing.
- I can't believe it.
- Come on, guys. Let's show 'em how to have a real party.
- Man, this place is hot.
- Ricky King! Oh, my God!
- Shh!
- What is he doing here?
- Hi, Ricky!
- Oh, great.
Teenage boys. There are now
teenage boys at this party.
- Hey! My stereo!
- Hey! My daughter!
Maybe there's a stepladder.
Ohh! Ohh! Oh, no. Oh, no.
Move. Move. Come on.
Oh, God, why didn't I squash him
when I had the chance?
Excellent CDs. Um, do you
have a remote around here?
Yeah. Y-You want me
to turn it on?
Uh, no, I want you
to hand it over.
Gimme that!
Watch this.
- Hey, I wanna sit there, man.
- Huh?
Hey, cut it out!
He was there first!
Oh, so, what, he had dibs on it?
This gum wrapper
will do the trick.
Uh, w-w-what are these
little kids doing here?
Yeah. I mean, you're too small.
You must be, um, this tall
to stay downstairs.
I'm calling Mom.
This is getting way out of hand.
Who does he think he is?
You can't push my kid around like that.
You are dead meat, mister!
Clark, you're three-quarters
of an inch tall. Now is not the time.
Now, help me with this foil.
Why isn't it coming after us?
I don't know. Maybe he's gone.
Oh, look. His leg is caught
in the spider web.
Ohh, that's so sad. And
daddy longlegs are good bugs.
They eat mosquitoes
and leave humans entirely alone.
What, is there a daddy longlegs ad council
that feeds out this positive information?
- Let's go.
- No, Diane, I think we should help him.
D- Daddy? We're your friends.
We come in peace.
I think he understood me.
Um, Diane, d-do you have
a, um, a nail file?
- Yes.
- Okay.
'Cause while I'm filing,
I want you to talk to him.
You know, distract him so he
doesn't flail around a lot.
Talk to him. Talk to a bug.
You know,
find some common ground.
You both spend a lot of time
in this kitchen.
All righty.
Hi. My name's Diane.
I see you've been enjoying some of
the crumbs from the coffee cake I made.
Okay. Okay. Giant spider leg
on my shoulder!
It's okay. It's okay.
He likes you.
Just keep talking.
What can we talk about?
What can we talk about?
Let's see, uh...
You have any kids?
Silly me.
You probably have hundreds.
Ho! Oh. Whole lot better.
Thank you.
Oh, we've had such a lousy day.
You've had a pretty bad one
yourself, haven't you?
But for you...
you're used to being small.
For us, it's a completely
new experience.
For me, very scary...
although, you know, parts of it
were actually kind of nice.
- All done.
- Really.
Yeah. Last strand.
Do you think he heard what
I said about squashing him?
Oh, look.
He's going up the cabinet.
Wait. That's it. Diane,
that's our ride. Come back!
- Come back!
- Daddy, come back! We need you!
Are you sure?
That's weird.
Okay. Bye.
- They say our moms never made it.
- You're kidding.
- No.
- Okay, well, then let's just call our dads.
But they didn't leave a number.
Okay, well, just calm down.
Don't panic.
But if our moms aren't at
that place, then where are they?
So, tell me how
you do that again.
Okay, so then I just toss in some garbanzo
beans and crumble in some tortilla chips...
and I call it a Mexican salad.
That is great. I'm gonna
have to try that sometime.
The other thing, you can call
something a Chinese salad...
if you throw in some of
those mandarin oranges...
and some of those little Chinese
Chung Ku squiggly little noodles.
You are so good at those things.
Wild child, baby
down to the bone
Come on.
This is where we split up. You're gonna
climb into the mid-range.
I'm gonna rewire the stereo
so the speaker becomes a microphone...
and when the music cuts out, you yell
into that speaker as loud as you can.
All right, I'm going in.
Good luck.
Well, I feel a little better
when I bang it out
Feel a little better
when I bang it out
Oh, no
Yeah, yeah
Not much, not long
but I need my space
- Bang, bang, Bang it out
- Ohh! Ohh.
- Bang, Bang, Bang it out, girl
- Ooh! Ohh! Ohh! Doh!
Bang, bang, bang it out
- Well, I been inside and I wanna get out
- Okay, follow this circuit.
Ohh! Thank God. A slow song.
All for the thrill of it
- I will play with you
- Come on, Jen.
Maybe there's someone else
in your heart
You don't look so good.
- You feelin' okay?
- Yeah. I'm okay.
Now, we have to get
Mitch's pills.
Remember, I left them
right by the cereal.
- Hey, there's something I want to tell you.
- What?
- There's honey on your lips
- I can't say it here. Let's go into the kitchen.
- How can I exist
- Hey! Hurry up, Wayne.
I want so much
to yell at these kids.
So, here we are.
- This is the kitchen.
- Hey, look!
Good, 'cause, you know, I really
wanted to be alone with you.
Ooh, look. Dirty fingernails.
Yeah, 'cause the truth is,
Jenny, I think you're awesome.
"Awesome"? Don't fall for it, Jenny.
He's just giving you a line.
- You do?
- Yeah.
- You think I'm awesome?
- Oh, yeah.
You're cooler
than all the other girls.
Um, so what is it
you wanted to tell me?
Nothing. Mostly I just
wanted to do this.
Wh-Wh-What is she doing?
She's too young!
She doesn't even know that boy!
- What are you doing?
- Kissing you.
Well, uh, you didn't ever ask.
- Ask what?
- Ask if I wanted to kiss you.
What are you talking about?
You just assume that
I wanted you to kiss me.
I mean, I don't even know you.
And even if I did know you and we talked
and you got to know me...
and you asked me if I wanted to kiss,
I might've been into it.
But the way you did it
was just wrong.
Well, lots of girls like that.
Well, I'm not one of them.
I don't happen to think that way.
And as far as you and I are concerned,
the party is over.
You tell him, Jenny! Ha!
Access denied!
That is one good kid you have.
And you know what?
She can take care of herself.
Okay, mike in and line out.
Maybe my pills are in here.
If I don't find my medicine soon,
something bad's gonna happen.
- Well, I'll look over here.
- I'll look over here.
Mitch looks terrible.
We've gotta find those pills.
There they are!
- Mitch! Mitch!
- Mitch! Mitch!
- Mitch, honey! M-Mitch!
- Mitch!
- Mitch, look at us! We're right here! Mitch!
- Mitch, your pills are over here!
- Mom?
- Yeah.
Oh, no! He's fainted!
The paralysis
could last 24 hours.
We have got to get those pills
where the kids can see them. Come on.
- Mitch! Mitch! W-What's wrong?
- What's going on?
Come on, Mitch, come on. I don't
know. Mitch just fainted.
I can't find his medicine.
What are we gonna do?
- Okay, now what are we gonna do?
- We're gonna get on the other side...
- and try to roll it that way.
- Over that way. Okay.
- Here we go. Can you get it?
- Yeah, I got it. I got it. Push!
Mitch has got a potassium
deficiency, so...
you look in the refrigerator and
find something with potassium.
Check all the labels.
- Okay, push again.
- Come on. Up.
- I haven't pushed this hard since I gave birth to Adam.
- Ohh!
Milk has vitamin "D"
and calcium.
- No potassium.
- Keep looking.
Come on, Mitch. Mitch. Come on.
- It's not gonna work.
- Oh, it's no use.
- It's gotta be up to the kids.
- What?
- Come on.
- Oh, God.
Potassium. Potassium.
Potassium. Potassium.
Bananas! Bananas have potassium!
Lots of it!
Here. Come on.
Get... Get some pieces.
Let's see if we can get him... Come on,
Mitch. Let's see if we can get him to chew.
Come on. Come on, wake up.
Here, get... get a piece.
- Come on, Mitch. - Ohh! - Oh,
no. - Give me another piece. Hurry.
- Come on, Mitch. Come on.
- Oh, please let this work.
Get another piece ready.
Get another piece. Chew.
Chew, Mitch, chew. Chew it up good.
Give me another piece. One more.
Come on, Mitch, you can do it. Oh,
Mitch, Mitch. Oh, please let this work.
- Come on, Mitch.
- Okay. Okay.
Come on, Mitch. Come on. You can
do it. Come on, Mitch, chew.
- Okay. Okay.
- Come on, Mitch.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yes! Yes! Yes!
- I-It's workin'.
- You're right.
- How'd you know bananas have potassium?
- Can't always ignore my dad's science talk.
- Hi, guys.
- Hey, Mitch. How you feeling?
A little dizzy,
but okay, I guess.
I saw Mom on the counter.
- Yeah, right.
- I... I did.
And... And she was...
she was really, really small.
What was that?
My dad's bookshelf!
Oh, damn it!
Wayne, what's taking so long?
Ricky King!
What do you think you're doing?
Calling all kids!
Calling all kids!
Excuse me,
but I liked that song.
Now, this should hold the
current, so if I... Whoa!
I told you, the party's over.
Everybody out.
Yeah, well, maybe we're not
ready to leave.
Did you not hear her?
She said the party's over.
So why don't you leave before
you cause any more damage.
What, your dad's
stupid inventions?
His inventions are not stupid. His
shrink ray's going to the Smithsonian.
I didn't know your dad
invented a shrink ray.
What does he shrink with it?
- That is not funny.
- Admit it, Adam. Your dad's a loser.
He is not.
And if he were here...
he'd kill you for what you've
done to his bookshelf.
Is that so, daddy's boy?
Well, he's not here, so I guess you're
gonna have to do something about it.
W- W-Well, maybe I will.
What are you gonna do
about it, huh?
- I wish Mom and Dad were here.
- Me too.
What are you gonna do
about it, huh?
Now, Gordon! Now!
Listen! Listen to me, children!
I want you all to stop
what you are doing.
- Huh? - What?
- Shh. - Huh?
- Who said that?
- This is the voice of G...
God. Yeah.
Yes, God is talking to you...
and I want you all
to leave this house.
- God sounds a lot like Dad.
- Yeah, you're right.
- Is He here?
- Normally I remain silent...
but your outrageous behavior
tonight has forced me to speak.
- It's just a trick.
- Yeah.
Is that so, Ricky King?
Then how come I know
you live on Sycamore?
Your dad's name is Mel
and your mom is...
- This is getting weird.
- Now, I said I want you out!
- What's the...
- O-U-T!
- Let's go, guys. -
Go. - Yes! Oh, yes!
- Run! Quickly! Go with them! Get out!
- Get going!
Or I will swoop down and teach you all
a lesson in proper party etiquette!
I will bring plaque
to your tiny little teeth!
So, brush, I tell you!
Okay, Dad, they're gone.
You can stop acting like God now.
Oh. Sorry.
So, uh, where's the camera?
Yeah, uh, where you
broadcasting from?
Right here, in the room.
Your dad shrunk us.
- You're kidding.
- Nope.
Now give me a hand.
I'm over here, by the left speaker.
That means they saw us
roller-blading in the house.
And I wasn't wearing my pads.
You know, Dad, I didn't invite
those boys over. I swear.
I know. I know.
Wayne and I saw everything.
That's right. You weren't
in the kitchen, were you?
No! No.
But your mothers were.
- Oh, God.
- I told you I saw them.
Now, listen to me, kids. These may be the
most important instructions I ever give you.
Jenny, go run and find
a piece of paper...
and Adam, go up to your room,
look under the laundry basket.
Get the shark car.
Come on down here.
And Wayne, meet me
in front of the receiver.
- I last saw them over here.
- Okay.
Careful not to squish 'em.
Don't, don't, don't, don't. Careful.
- Here, use this. Okay? - Okay.
- I'm gonna go find our dads.
Don't move anything.
Okay, Uncle Gordon, hop in.
Now let's go find my dad.
- Mom?
- Mom.
Aunt Diane.
Let me see it.
- Hi.
- Hi!
- Okay, Dad.
- Atta boy, son!
- Where are the wives?
- Mitch is pickin' them up. Hop in.
Careful. Careful.
Set it down easy.
I know, I know. I am.
Look! They made it!
- We did it!
- Ohh! Ohh! Ohh!
- Wait! The machine.
- Oh.
Don't forget the car.
What happens now?
We wait until it hits critical
mass and then push this button.
Wait a minute.
Do we really wanna do this?
I mean, I got a hamster cage
in my room.
I mean, we could leave 'em shrunk and
they'll never tell us what to do again.
Wow. Total freedom.
I suppose we could wait,
like, a week.
I don't like the looks of that.
If those kids don't unshrink us,
they are going to be in so much trouble.
Oh, really? What are you gonna
do about it, Thumbelina?
- I say we give 'em a second chance.
- Good idea. - Yeah. Good idea.
Ready? One, two, three.
Whoa! It worked!
- Way to go, guys!
- Mom!
- I was so worried about you! - Good job. Good
job. - Oh, I was worried about you too, sweetie!
But you know what? You were
in good hands. This one.
Oh, Mom, about that
Ricky King thing...
Sweetheart, I was so proud of you, the
way you handled yourself with that boy...
and the way you took care
of your brother.
From now on, I trust you.
Speaking of trust,
I saw the magazine.
Uh, they forced me
to look at it. I didn't want to.
- I mean...
- It's okay. It's okay.
The point is, I should've listened to you when you said
you didn't want to go to Camp Isosceles this summer.
- Me too.
- How about if we send you to baseball camp?
- Wow!
- Look, if you want to be a scientist, that's great.
But if you wanna be a baseball
player, that's great too.
- You should do whatever suits you.
- You mean it?
I do. I'll prove it.
Gordon. I shouldn't be president
of Szalinski Labs, Gordon.
I'm no good at it. I should be inventing
things. That's what I like to do.
But you, you're... you're great at
organizing things and dealing with people...
and you never forget
what day of the week it is.
What do you say? Will you be president
of the company? Will you take the job?
I, uh... You bet! This is great!
I'm gonna have so much fun!
Oh, honey.
- Diane, I promise I'll get rid of the Tiki Man.
- No. Wayne...
I'm not gonna sweat the small stuff
any more. I want you to have fun.
Wayne, do whatever you want
with the Tiki Man.
I had no idea baseball
had that much math in it...
or that my son would be
such a good catcher.
Yeah. I bet you were the only dad there
that could figure out...
the whole team's batting average
instantly in his head.
We're just glad you had a good time,
honey, and even happier you're home.
Yeah, it's good to be back.
Hey, did you make any changes
while I was gone?
Well, I did move the Tiki Man
into the backyard.
What do you think?