Honky Tonk (1941) Movie Script

[lion roaring]
[dramatic music]
[music continues]
[music continues]
[instrumental music]
[bleating]
Come on, you.
Keep pumping.
They're a couple of big fellas.
They'll soak up a lot of tar.
Get away.
Get away.
We got enough to plaster
a team of army mules.
Say, Smitty, how do you like
a beautiful saddle
I'm making for him?
Hey, boys. We've got plenty
of feathers.
I stole the old lady's
best pillow.
Hey, this is hot enough
to fry them fellows' hides.
Come on.
Get him a shot.
And, you, take of them pants.
I tell you once again, my friend
if you think my partner
and I cheated you
you're making
the mistake of your lives.
And yet, I can stand here
with my own gun
pointed at me and say
"To err is human,
to forgive divine."
Sure. We ain't hold
no grudge.
We be willing to shake hands
all around and then forget it.
You skinned us.
Now we're gonna skin you
in a different place.
I can see it's no use
trying to fool
a bunch smart folks like you.
You're right.
We cheated you something cruel
and we got this coming.
But we ain't dead set
on collecting it.
Pump.
Alright. What are
we waiting for?
- Alright, peel of those pants.
- Now, wait, wait.
Before we get these
feather underclothes
there's something
I'd like to do.
Something I must do
to square my conscious.
I wanna make sure
that my crooked tricks
are never pulled on you
good people again.
I am going to show you
how they're worked.
I'm sure you'd never use them
for personal gain.
No, siree. But...
Now you, sir
you look like a man
who'd like to shine at parties.
Do a few tricks.
Isn't that so?
It might be fun
if I'd known how it's done.
You're dead right, mister.
And here, here's a man
'who looks like he'd catch on
to the tricks'
'at the first crack
out of the bottle.'
Think we can trust him, boys?
If you keep that hammer back.
You'll never regret it, gentlemen.
The best investment
you ever made.
Now, if you'll just pardon me
I am about to disclose
to you gentlemen
all the hidden secrets
secrets handed down
in my family
from generation to generation.
Hurry up or you'll be
the last of your line.
One thing you must know
before all else.
All confidence games
are aimed at people
who want something for nothing.
Find out who they are
and your fortune is made.
If, and here's the second rule,
of the game, gentleman.
'If your hand is quicker
than the eye..'
'Now draw a bit closer, gents'
'and keep your attention
on my two hands.'
'My two lily white hands.'
'Nothing up my sleeve, in fact,
no sleeves to have anything up.'
I have here, 52 innocent
looking pieces of pasteboard.
I select three of 'em.
The king of spades,
the king of clubs
'and the ace of hearts.'
Ah, but I forgot, gentlemen.
I forgot the spice
of our little game.
The $100 bill.
By ill-gotten gains which you
so rightfully took from me.
And which we're keeping.
Very well.
We'll use another one.
One which even now reposes
behind my shell-like ear.
I thought you cleaned him.
Well, I guess I should've
watched behind his ears.
Oh, don't blame my friend here.
Being a honest man,
he didn't look for tricks.
Now your attention
please, gents.
The game is simple
and reward is great.
I place these three cards
face downward on the board.
And the man who is sharp enough
to guess which card
is the ace of hearts
receives as his reward this
beautifully engraved memento.
Oh, filthy lucre. What crimes
are committed in thy name.
And now, gentlemen,
for rule three.
A little hocus-pocus known
as hypnotizing the suckers...
By which, of course, I couldn't
mean any of you, gentlemen.
Now, watch closely.
Watch closely.
Pick the ace of hearts and
win the riches of the Indies.
Now I'm sure there must be
a red-blooded
sportsman among you
who wouldn't mind
stepping forward
with a ten-dollar bill
in his hand.
He will get the privilege of
picking the magic ace of hearts
and receiving as his reward
the $100 bill.
Now, step up, gents.
Step up and see whether the
hand is quicker than the eye.
It's a cinch.
That's the card there.
Ten dollars, a mere bagatelle
will prove it.
If I'm right, do I get $100?
Not only do you receive
the cash award
you receive the secret
of the trick. Golden knowledge.
Which of you were a lesser man
could rebuke a golden arm.
There.
[laughter]
Don't feel bad, my friends.
The dishonest hand is quicker
than the honest eye.
It's the one at this end.
I've been watching closely.
Pay and play.
And now, my friends,
that glittering dream
of all true gamblers.
A ten-to-one payoff
on a sure thing.
Hey, mister, that's my bet.
Stand back, Pete. I was
just reaching for my pocket.
Here.
[all laughing]
- That convinces me.
- Then we can go?
Yes, out of town on a rail.
Oh, now, just a minute,
my good friends.
I am going to show you
how it works.
Where the elusive
ace of hearts reposes.
And it's to your advantage
to know because you have it.
And the man who has
the ace of hearts
receives the $100 bill.
I've got it?
Where is it?
Now watch closely, gentlemen.
Watch closely.
If you'll just give me a
little bit of room here, please.
You'll be amazed when
I show you where it is.
You will be astounded.
You'll regard it as
the miracle of the century.
[grunting]
Start reaching, suckers.
[splashing]
Take to your heels while
you're still wearing shoes.
[clamoring]
Dip your hats
when you say goodbye.
[gunshots]
Alright. Hey, Rube.
Let's get out of here.
[clattering]
Look at him.
He's strutting like a peacock.
[bell ringing]
[train chugging]
[train whistle blows]
[train chugging]
Folks dang there made us
miss our train, Candy.
- Who you saying goodbye to?
- My laundry.
I got shirts in every town
between here and Albany.
I'd like to stay in a place long
enough to get my pants pressed.
Yeah? Well, we're going to,
Sniper.
I'm tired of being run out
of somebody else's town.
I'm gonna find me
a town of my own.
I'm gonna be the gent
who says "go or stay."
But I can't do it with this
thing growing out of my hands.
- You gonna turn honest?
- I'm gonna turn smart.
Hey.. Wait a minute, you're
puttin' us out of business.
Sniper, don't you ever want
to do anything better than
play come-on for the suckers?
There ain't anything better than
picking out that ace of hearts
and hearing them
suckers squeal, huh?
[indistinct chatter]
Looks like that strike up
in Yellow Creek's
still going strong.
I hear they'll be digging
pay dirt there for years.
Hey. Watch where you're going,
I'll bust you in the teeth.
Sorry.
Yellow Creek.
[creaking]
I'm toppin' it ten.
Your speed.
Gimme that century note.
What's that you're playin'
there, boys? Poker?
Why don't you sit and find out?
Well, thanks, folks,
don't mind if I do.
- Three jacks.
- Beats me.
[indistinct chatter]
Smells kinda good
for such an old trick.
I'm afraid you think
I dropped it on purpose.
No, no. Of course not, honey,
that's the last thing you'd do.
The last thing I'd do is
speak to a strange man.
No, you're overdoing it.
- Overdoing what?
- The wide-eyed business.
I think a girl should keep
her eyes open. Wide open.
Now let's see, as I remember,
it usually goes like this...
You were born and raised
in a little town in Vermont
Ohio, Nebraska,
or maybe New Jersey.
Massachusetts.
Boston, Massachusetts.
And your father's a doctor
or preacher or a school teacher.
Well, anyway,
he's poor but honest.
My father happens to be a judge.
And he's very honest.
An honest judge.
Was there ever one who wasn't?
Now, let's see.
The family meets reverses.
The mortgage is foreclosed.
The mother dies of shame.
So, the poor little daughter
is thrown out
into the cold, cold world.
And where does she go?
To the land of opportunity,
The Golden West.
But in the meantime,
she needs ten dollars
to pay for her ticket.
Ain't it lucky, honey?
It just happens that
I've got ten dollars.
- Thank you. Thank you.
- There you are, sister.
And it just happens that
I could use ten dollars.
Right now.
Honey, you astound me.
- 'Thank you.'
- Mm-hm.
And you, sir?
- Sure, why not?
- 'Thank you.'
There's just one thing you left
out of your pretty little story.
They always warn young ladies
about men who have clean hands
in a country where
every honest man works.
(male #1)
'I don't know
who's cheating in this game'
but if he does it again,
I'll shoot his beard off.
Pass.
[bell tolls]
[indistinct chattering]
Papa.
Ah.
Oh, I hardly knew you.
It's been so long.
Well, am I, am I
what you expected?
Oh, I don't know
what I expected.
But you're just
what I've hoped for.
Hah.
Howdy.
I'm sorry, sir.
I ain't. You remember me,
Candy Johnson.
I'm afraid you have
the advantage of me, mister.
You bet.
I got a wonderful memory.
Never forget a face,
never forget a place.
How'd you leave Dodge City?
- Now see here, young man.
- Don't be angry, dear.
This is just another clumsy
attempt by Mr. Johnson
to get acquainted.
This is my father, Judge Cotton.
Did you say, Judge Cotton?
That's right, and as I said,
an honest judge.
And as I said, was there
ever one who wasn't?
[chuckles]
Well, it's easy
to make mistakes. We all do.
It's people who make mistakes
keep me in business.
You see, I...
I'm Justice of the Peace here.
Oh, I see.
Well, I'm sorry I mistook you
for that old friend.
Come, my dear.
Our supper's almost ready.
I must get back to town.
I have an appointment
with some folks.
Now, where could a couple of
strangers get a steak, Judge?
Oh, the Placer Saloon
has the best beef in town.
Well, thank you, Judge.
And good evening.
Good evening, Miss Cotton.
This-this fellow, Candy Johnson,
bother you, my dear?
Not half as much
as I bothered him.
Ha.
[upbeat music]
[indistinct chattering]
Man, man, be careful
where you spit.
You might hit a sucker.
They're thicker than flies
at the butchering beef.
- Let's get started.
- Take it easy.
I told you we were gonna use
a different kind of system.
Yes, sir.
the more I look around,
the more I think
that maybe this is that town.
What town?
The town that I ain't
gonna get run out of.
The Judge is right.
This place has sure
got the best beef.
And I'm gonna corral me a honey.
[music continues]
Well, if it ain't
the Candyman.
- Hiya, Gold Dust.
- How'd you know it was me?
- I recognized the brand.
- Frank, take over, will you?
Say, where the devil
have you been?
The strike's been on
for three weeks.
Well, I wanted to give
the suckers time
enough to get the gold
out of the ground.
And from everything I hear
they can dig it out
with a knife and fork.
Oh, that's right, it's growin'
out of the grass roots.
You interested in staking out
a claim for yourself, Candy?
Sure, but it's got nothing
to do with digging.
Hello, Brazos.
Your table's coolin' off.
How'd you know that gent
was behind you?
I've had a lot of practice
smellin' out snakes.
Oh, now, don't tell me
this town's got a sheriff
that crawls on his belly.
He makes the rest of us
do the crawling.
He owns this joint.
Yeah? It looks to me like
he's got a gold mine
without the calluses.
We get the calluses.
Well, make yourself at home,
Candyman.
It's like I've never
been away, honey.
Oh, uh, bourbon, please.
[indistinct chattering]
Evening, judge.
Oh, hello, my boy.
How are you?
I, I trust that that little
farce I indulged in
down at the deep-hole
didn't disturb you?
Sure not. Sarsaparilla.
Yeah, still on
the water wagon, huh?
Yeah.
How's your drinking
these days, Judge?
Oh, I'm just having
a little one here
I'm a little
nervous tonight.
I hardly ever touch it
anymore.
You never did.
Except with your mouth.
[coughs]
Yeah. My boy, I'm gonna
put you next to a good thing.
Well, that's the place
I like to be.
I, uh, I've worked myself up
a nice little rig here.
Pillar of society, respectable,
I'm Justice of the Peace.
Collecting fines
right and left.
How'd you like
to get a cut in on it?
Tell that gift horse of yours
to open his mouth
I want to take
a squint at his teeth.
Yeah. Well, of course,
I, I'll expect you
to advance me a thousand
just to show you good faith.
No, those teeth need
too much filling.
Man is a fool to try
and con you, Candy.
Yeah, especially a man
who's got all the earmarks
of being out on a limb.
I am out on a limb.
And a shaky one.
There're showin' it off
right now.
They're beginning to wonder
where those fines went to.
Sounds like time for you
to flag your tail out of town.
Past time.
But I-I can't leave just now.
You see, my daughter and sisters
are joining me here.
I-I can't go, I can't stay,
I-I'm caught.
How much would
I have to dig up to keep that
respectable friend of yours
from getting
all full of bullet holes?
Four or five hundred.
Have you got it, Candy?
Well, not on me.
But I will have.
(male #2)
'I demand to see those cards.'
I tell you, there is no
ace of spades in that deck.
Wait a minute. Some people
are always squawking.
Three aces ain't enough.
Five are too many.
If I ran my grocer store
the way this place is run--
Go cuddle your eggs.
Get him out of here.
- Come on!
- That's right.
You never saw me before.
Sniper, stand by
to keep the flies of my back.
Seems to me that
if a man's worried
about the scarcity of aces
'the only thing
the house can do'
'is spread the deck for him.'
Easy, son, easy.
House has got no call
not to be on the level.
'It's got the percentage
working for it.'
'That's enough for
an honest gambler.'
You're talking
for me too, mister.
He's talking for a lot of us.
[clattering]
Light me.
I don't carry matches.
Maybe you ought to.
Well, you know what happens to
little boys
who play with matches?
They do funny things
in the dark.
I'll make it easy for you.
Blackie, matches.
Light me.
Oh, it takes too many hands
I keep mine where
they can do the most good.
You win.
[gunshot]
[gun clatters]
I don't know these two dudes
from Adam's old fox.
But I'm gonna see
this stays a private fight.
- So, simmer down.
- Thanks, Whiskers.
But it ain't a private fight.
I'm talking for every man
jack of you
who breaks his back
all day at honest work
and then comes in here at night
for sociable game of cards.
[thuds]
Come here... sheriff.
You got too much lead
in your life belt
it's liable to sink here.
Keep that pointed, Whiskers,
will you?
'You know, I ought to shoot you
with your own gun.'
But I'm gonna let you
do it yourself.
We're gonna play a little game
called committing suicide.
- What's the rules?
- One of us shoots himself.
- And the other?
- Laughs his sides off.
I'd like a good laugh.
Deal me a hand.
I hold here
one-man size portion of death.
I insert it in one of the
six empty chambers of this gun.
I spin the cylinder, gentlemen
and let the hammer fall
where it may.
'It may fire the first time
the trigger is pulled'
'or it may fire the last'
or it may fire
anywhere in between.
You don't know,
and I don't know.
But we're gonna find out.
The exciting way.
We toss for the privilege
of firing the first shot.
Heads or tails?
- Think carefully.
- Heads.
The privilege is all yours.
- You're crazy, Brazos.
- All gamblers are crazy.
How many rides
on the gabby fella?
You get five chances
out of six.
That's as good a bet
as a gambler'll ever have.
[sighing]
No, no. No peeking. Just...
[gun clicks]
Would you mind my asking
why you're doing this?
Because I believe
in giving everybody
better than a square roll.
[gun clicks]
The odds are getting shorter.
You got three chances
out of four.
[clicks]
[exhales]
Well, I make it
two out of three for you.
[clicks]
It's an even money bet now.
There are two pulls left.
And you go first.
Go on, pick it up,
it won't bite you.
Before you squeeze the trigger.
Come on.
It's a clean, honest deal
the way any clean, honest
gambler like you would want it.
Come on, turn over the card.
Let's see the spots on it.
[breathing heavily]
I wouldn't do that
if I were you.
First of all,
you might end up in front of
a pack of indignant citizens
waving a rope.
And second, that could be
the empty chamber.
And third, even if it wasn't,
my bewhiskered friend here
'would still take
the last trick.'
[sighing]
You can throw in your hand
if you want to.
Only it will cost you
five thousand dollars.
It's a deal.
Blackie, get 5,000
out of the kitty.
Hand it to me, Blackie.
- Come on, Whiskers.
- Let's go, Judge.
[gun clicks]
Think of the money
you could've saved.
Seems like old times when we did
most of our walking backwards.
Oh, pardon me while
I clean out my ears.
[gun clicks]
I saw you put
a bullet in that gun.
Yeah, you just thought you did.
That's the best trick
I've seen you do, Candy.
The hand is quicker
than the eye.
Here's a souvenir for you.
[coughing]
When-when am I gonna get my cut
of our little job, Candy?
Tomorrow, when you can see to
put it back where it belongs.
Say, that money is too hard
to get
without giving it away.
Here, here, here.
Here it is.
You sure picked up a nice
respectable atmosphere, Judge.
You might have let your daughter
get her duds unpacked
before you rolled in
like this, Judge.
Ah, a very good evening
to you, madam.
- Evening, Reverend.
- That ain't my handle.
Well, no offence, ma'am,
I just believe in signs.
Oh, the late Reverend
was Mrs. Varner's husband.
And I only wish I was big enough
to fill his shoes.
Well, with that gun in your hand
you look big enough
to fill almost
anybody's shoes, ma'am.
[laughing]
(Mrs. Varner)
'Oh, come on in, Judge,
you're tied around the mink.'
Yeah, along side of me, madam
the menacing mink
is a teetotaler.
Hello, papa.
Oh, my...
...deepest apologies, my dear.
I'll help the Judge to his bunk.
You've been quiet enough help,
Mr. Johnson. Come on.
Well, take your time
tucking him in.
I won't move a muscle
until you get better.
Elizabeth and me are
saying goodnight, gents.
(Sniper)
'See you in church.'
We ain't got a church
in Yellow Creek.
- Now vamoose.
- You haven't?
Well, that's too bad...
Say... could you use a church
if you had one?
I ain't no preacher.
I wish I was, but I ain't.
I couldn't run no church.
Well, then how about
the next best thing?
A mission maybe, huh?
Well, it'd be a decent place
for folks on some days anyway.
Sure, sure.
Here's 1,500.
'See that you have one
in jig time.'
You're joking, mister?
I never joke with money
in my hands.
You don't look to me like a man
who would help Lord
beat the devil to the door.
Hey, you can't tell
by looking, honey.
You build a decent place
for 'em to go on Sunday.
And I'll build one for him
on weekdays.
What's that?
A saloon where they can get
good whisky and honest gambling.
Yes, ma'am. A place where
every sucker
will get a square deal.
You would like our place.
Well, that's a mighty fine
thing for you to do.
- You'll get your money's worth.
- I always do.
And, remember, honey,
it ain't good manners to point.
- See you in church, huh?
- Oh, go on with you.
I'm young enough
to like that stuff.
But too old to believe it.
[door closes]
Don't be so frisky with this
money. Next time I might--
Get in there and put that back.
- Oh, Candy--
- You heard me, put it back.
Oh, but I didn't know you wanted
the old turkey hen
to really keep it.
- Ma'am.
- What do you want?
Nothing, I-I want to give you
something.
What?
My very best wishes, ma'am.
My very best wishes.
[door closes]
That big spellbinder is still
downstairs waiting for you.
- Oh, he is, is he?
- Uh.. Whoa, honey.
You look like you got
your tangle over a line.
If you mean I don't like that
spell binder, you're right.
Hah, funny, I do.
A fella like that reminds me
of a piece of side pork.
Streak of fat, streak of lean,
streak of good, streak of mean.
- Personally, I'm a vegetarian.
- Oh.
[insects chirping]
Don't look so disappointed,
honey. I'm still here.
Mr. Johnson, I've come down
to tell you that
your on the wrong side of town.
I think the two sides
ought to get together.
I don't, stay away from me
and stay away from my father.
We've got nothing
to do with you.
We don't like anything about you
and we have nothing in common.
Well, I thought the Judge
kind of liked me.
Unfortunately, my father
sees good in everyone.
Why, he wouldn't
recognize a-a weasel
if it had stripes
down its back.
That's a skunk, honey.
All I hope is that
I've have made myself clear.
And that you understand me
as well as I understand you.
But you don't
understand me, honey.
You know what I thought
when I took that
first long look at you?
I'm afraid, I do.
I thought, "Now there is a
highly respectable spinster.
A real blue blooded lady."
Red blood, Mr. Johnson.
From Boston?
Everybody in my family
had red blood.
By the time my great
grandfather was through
at Bunker Hill, he was running
out of holes in his boots.
Fancy boots, too, I bet.
There were good strong boots.
He made them himself.
You mean the old boy
was a shoe maker?
What's wrong with
being a shoe maker?
Not a thing, honey.
I'm just happy to know
that we're the same
kind of people.
What makes you think
we're the same kind of people?
What makes you think we're not?
I-I want you to stay away
from me, Mr. Johnson.
No, you don't.
Why don't you jump in
and get wet all over?
You'd feel better.
[slaps]
I was always taught
to turn the other cheek.
- Right here.
- Hmm.
[scoffs]
[instrumental music]
Well, what ails you?
What'd that fella say
to you out there?
- He kissed me.
- He what?
Four times.
Well, why didn't you stop him
after the first one?
Or the very latest, the second?
I don't know.
I ought to go out there
and spill him all over the road.
Thinks he can fool around
with my boarder
just 'cause he gave me enough
money to build a church.
A church...
Well, uh, maybe you were
right about him.
Maybe, honey. But remember,
you're a vegetarian.
Mhm.
Well, goodnight.
[upbeat music]
[indistinct chatter]
Give me a joe, Frank.
I'm dead beat.
I hear the joint was
a sellout last night.
Pretty good for 24 hours.
Well, I'd trade her for a cold
egg and a keester right now.
Hi, Candy.
[music continues]
Watch over, Colonel.
Close.
[music continues]
- Hey, Rube.
- Hmm?
We got a customer.
[music continues]
[chuckles]
Kind of shaky,
ain't it, Blackie?
Not as shaky as your job here.
I'm beginning to feel
quite at home
with all these familiar faces.
You come in for a shave?
We're giving some close ones
away today for souvenirs.
Hmm, kind of flimsy.
You know, a match could do
a lot of good around here.
That's right
it could burn the pants
off of a gent about your size.
I wouldn't count on it.
I'm fire proof.
Boss, your putting a crimp in
that dude's business
and he ain't liking it.
- Ah, he's just window shopping.
- No, he isn't, Candy.
He's not gonna take this
laying down.
Forget it, honey. Sniper, round
up the boys like I told you.
Tell them I said
it's Sunday school time.
Say, speaking of Sunday school
I got a new hat
with no place to wear it.
It's got violets on it,
little shy violets from Boston.
Go ahead, Pearl.
Get me ready to atone
for last week's sins.
If you atone real hard, maybe
you can take in next weeks too.
(Mrs. Varner)
'My late husband,
Reverend Varner'
'would've liked
this little house.'
'He'd have done a..'
He'd have done a lot of good
here and maybe we can too.
It ain't a church yet.
But it wouldn't take
much for us make it one.
Only, I'm bound to say
I never expected to see
'some of these faces
in a place like this.'
'Not unless they're
laying in a casket.'
'I hear a fella named
Candy Johnson.'
'Opened up a different
kind of a place yesterday.'
'And he wept
and chucked away the key'
'said there wasn't gonna be
any lock on his door.'
'Well, I'm gonna run my outfit
the same way.'
'The door will never be locked
against you.'
Wait!
Let me ask you something.
How much you gonna
charge for a beer
'when you get this place going?'
You've got
the wrong idea, mister.
Everything we handle
is free of charge.
Well, maybe that's all
it's worth,
if all we get is a lot of gibes.
- 'Shame!'
- 'Yeah, maybe the guy's right.'
Listen, mister. This is
no place to start a ruckus.
Now you be quiet, or out you go.
[applause]
Alright, you got the floor.
Let's see what you got to say.
- Yes. Speak, speak.
- Speak, speak.
- 'Speak, sir.'
- Speak.
They seem to want to listen
to you, Mr. Johnson.
And it ain't a bad idea seeing
as how you made this place
possible.
- Speak up.
- Yeah, speech, speech!
Alright, mister. I didn't think
I had anything to say.
But since I've been looking at
you, I believe I've got a lot.
Why don't you come up here
where it's comfortable?
Well, ma'am,
if you came to my place
you wouldn't get behind
the bar, would you?
[all laughing]
Well, ladies and gents.
I'm going to give you
the goods...
When I'm talking,
I always do better
with something in my hand.
- How do you do? Sit down.
- Oh, thank you, sir.
Ah, I'm going to give you
the goods on the onerous citizen
West of the Mississippi, folks.
'It's Mr. John Barleycorn.'
Now, I used to think I could
give old John the big casino
and still beat him.
But he knew me better than
I knew myself.
'You see, I like the stuff.'
'After that first drink, I
couldn't help taking the second.
'And after the second,
I reach for the third.'
'And after the third I just kept
on reaching without counting.'
'I went loco.'
When I woke up,
I found trouble.
Sitting on the bed post
waiting for me.
'If you'd like my home remedy
to keep from taking this'
first drink,
here it is, folks. Candy.
Outside of a women's lips,
the sweetest thing on earth.
'Good for the nerves, steadies
the hand and clears the eye.'
Hey, I wanna ask you something.
Why are you talking
against liquor?
You sell it, don't you?
I'm glad you asked that
question, my friend.
A long time ago, I found out
that no matter what I said
I couldn't stop some men
from drinking.
The same as I couldn't stop them
from gambling.
So, I figured they'd better
have honest gambling
'and good liquor.'
'That's why I opened
the Square Deal Saloon.'
'The only place you can be sure
they cut the cards'
'and not liquor.'
But one honest saloon
and a mission isn't enough
to make a smooth running town.
What you ought to have
is a school for your kids.
Yes, and a fire engine to use
when the kids try to burn it up.
[crowd applauding]
Um, Mr. Johnson, I'm very glad
that you asked
to walk home with me.
Well, thank you, Miss Cotton.
I'm very glad you accepted.
I think there's something
that I should tell you.
I'm almost sure that
I've misjudged you.
Well, if you're not in
too much of a hurry
I'll do my best
to make you real sure.
Well, I never did like
to walk too fast.
You know, I'm beginning to get
a lot better line on you,
too, honey.
[instrumental music]
Uh, it's a beautiful night,
isn't it, Mr. Johnson?
Yes, and it's not getting
any worse.
Have you any idea
what a gal like you
can do to a gent like me?
I'd like to know. Tell me.
Well, I've seen women
I'd look at quicker.
But never one
I'd look at longer.
Well, that's a good start.
Go on.
You're a runt.
I could put you
in my vest pocket
and lose you
in the small change.
And me, now, I've always gone
for women with something to 'em
the kind that could stand up and
slug it out with me toe to toe.
You slug me just
by looking at me.
Well, I'm sorry.
But, I'm not sorry.
Yeah, and your eyes
they're green
and that always means
hard to get along with.
That's not true, I have
a wonderful disposition.
Yeah, and you've got brains,
and that ain't womanly.
That's a lie.
I haven't a brain in my head.
Mm, and you got a full set
of Boston principles
which are about as easy
on a man as a hair-shirt.
Now, will you
tell me something?
Why do I keep coming back
for more?
You've told me why...
...very sweetly.
What? Say that again.
Slow.
I know "sweet" is a funny word
to use about you, but you are.
I take it back, honey.
I wouldn't have you
an inch taller.
Oh...
Look, I-I think it's time
that I went into the house.
I never saw a gal so willing
to let it go or talk.
Talk? I thought that was
your long soup, Mr. Johnson.
Very nice talk too,
as far as it went.
Yes, but a man's got
to stop talking sometime.
Oh, but not until he said
some very important things.
Well, goodnight,
Mr. Johnson.
Hey, wait.
Goodnight.
How could you sleep in here,
Candy
with that ruckus
going on outside?
The tinkle of the cash register
soothes my dreams.
[chuckles]
Judge, I think the next thing
you better do is take a tour
over to Granite,
and round up Kendall and Adams.
Kendall and Adams, yeah,
they're good men.
Yeah, we can use them
around election time.
I, I hear they're doin'
alright over there.
What can I promise them here?
You tell them that no matter
what they're getting over there
is chicken feed compared to what
their take will be around here.
[chuckles]
Okay, Candy,
I'm as good as there.
Yeah.
- 'And, Judge..'
- Yeah?
Ride the water wagon over,
will you?
Oh, I'll latch myself to it.
I took the pledge.
That new farrow dealer.
I thought he was crooked.
Two for him and
one for the house.
So, you couldn't wait
to send for Kendall and Adams.
That's right.
It isn't them
you can't wait for.
- No?
- No.
You're all set to take over
every outfit in town except one.
And if you don't take that one
over, it's gonna take you.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
I never thought you'd let
a woman bother you, Candyman.
- How do you know it's a woman?
- Because...
Because I'm a woman.
Well, I guess, it's time
to open that door
and when you go out this time,
I'm gonna lock it.
Okay, honey, but leave
the key under the mat.
I'm gonna throw the key away.
When a gent like you
gets married
he gets good and married.
A gent like me
don't get married.
Then a gent like you
don't pick over that outfit.
Keep your biscuits light
and your wood pan heavy.
That's the way to make
a man toe the mark.
(Gold Dust)
'Anybody home?'
Come in, whoever it is
and rest your hands and feet.
Well... come in, honey.
- Come in.
- Thanks.
Hello.
Good afternoon.
That depends upon where you sit
and what cards you hold.
[chuckles]
Well, then, I'd say
it's a very good afternoon.
Sit down, won't you?
Um, I don't suppose you have
a drink of whisky around?
Maybe I have, honey.
You know,
this ain't been touched
since that last snake bit me.
Mrs. Varner's teaching me
how to cook.
Western style.
In this altitude,
it takes everything
three times as long
to come to a boil.
Yeah. That's only true
with cookin', honey.
You know, I'm like
this fella, Candy.
'When I talk, I gotta have
something in my hands.'
Yes, sir, the Candyman sure
can talk. He's a great salesman.
The only trouble is,
he's selling just one thing.
Candy Johnson.
I'll say this for him, though.
'He don't hand out
any guarantees.'
Well, how can you say that?
He has a sign
right over his door.
"The Square Deal."
He's got a different sign
on his chest.
One that tells the truth.
Only, it's in smaller letters.
You seem to have read
this sign yourself.
Would you mind telling me
what it says?
With the greatest of pleasure.
Honey, it says, "I'm not the
kind of a gent that stays put.
"Someday, I'm gonna point
myself at that door
and keep right on going."
And believe me, sister.
He's a man of his word.
Well, it's time for me to say
I've got something
to do upstairs.
Put your ante.
So long, ladies.
If you need a referee, holler.
Just what are you
trying to say?
Something that you ought
to have sense enough to know.
Candy Johnson is not
the marrying kind.
My Aunt Sarah used to say
that when a man said
he wasn't the marrying kind
it only meant that
he wasn't married yet.
Maybe in Boston, but this
is Yellow Creek, Nevada.
You know, I think you came here
because you're jealous.
[scoffs]
You're getting warm, honey.
Right now, I'd give 20 bucks
to snatch you bald headed.
And why should I believe
anything you say?
Well, I guess,
you shouldn't, but...
You don't really think that
Candyman has a wedding ring
picked out, do you?
Why shouldn't I? What else
would he be picking out?
A fancy room in
a fancy hotel, honey.
And he won't be renting it
by the month either.
Bein' a rat's thirsty work.
[pensive music]
[doorbell rings]
- Hello, Beth.
- Good evening.
[door shuts]
Yeah, I like this country.
Well, that depends on where you
sit and what cards you hold.
- 'Doesn't it?'
- What?
Candy, I'm glad you're here.
I'm sure I couldn't have slept
tonight without seeing you.
You know, I ain't been sleeping
so good myself.
And quicker
we get something settled
and quicker
we'll both get some rest.
Every time I look at you,
it hits me again.
You're prettier than
a little white kitten
with a blue ribbon on it.
Uh, Candy, you know,
I've been thinking this evening.
In fact, I've been doing
a lot of thinking.
About courtships,
Boston courtships.
They're never shorter
than a year
and sometimes they go on
for three or four.
Spare me, I ain't got
that much time, honey.
Now look, you hustle upstairs
and pack yourself a bag.
We're going to
Sacramento tonight.
And when you're
packing that bag
don't put any wrong ideas
into it.
Such as?
Well, I'm a citizen like this.
I like to know that
every door works both ways.
When I walk in, I gotta know
that I can walk out.
You do wear a sign
on your chest, don't you?
What?
Nothing.
Look, supposing
I don't go to Sacramento.
Well, then, I'm gonna
get you off my mind
if I have to hire a man with
a gun to keep me away from you.
I told you what to leave
out of that bag.
Now, I'm gonna tell you
what to put into it.
Anything with ribbons on it.
Anything you say, Candy.
Do you know why?
Only got a rough idea
but I'd like to hear
you say it.
Because a gent like you can do
anything to a gal like me.
Anything.
Hey, you'll knock 'em dead
in Sacramento, honey.
First off, I'm gonna get you
a whole floor
at the Sierra Palace.
Fancy room.
Fancy hotel.
We'll buy out the town.
Say, I've been aching to
dress you like you oughta be.
Plenty of plumes,
black lace stockings.
And a whole handful
of diamonds in your hair.
A handful of diamonds
in my hair?
[chuckles]
What girl could want
more than that?
Let's drink to that.
[door closes]
[glasses clinking]
Here we are.
This is Mrs. Varner's special
remedy for sprains and bruises.
Oh, I forgot you can't drink.
I can, but don't.
Aw, and I did so wanna drink
to the diamonds and plumes.
But, um...
...this will do.
You know, you must be
used to it by now.
But you can pretend
it's something much stronger
like milk.
Well...
Well, come on, Candy.
I understand it isn't polite
to let anyone drink alone.
You're making me look like
a sucker from Boston.
Oh, no, you're
from Yellow Creek.
It's good for nerves, steadies
the hand and clears the eye.
Candy, you're not just trying
to impress me, are you?
Like a little boy walking
on his hands?
Here's to the gal from Boston.
And here's to the gent
from Yellow Creek.
And to the diamonds
and the plumes.
Come on, honey. Let's get going.
Oh, no, wait a minute.
We mustn't forget
the black lace stockings.
Uh, Candy...
...this is the second drink.
Do you really think you should?
- Here's to you and me.
- And to black lace stockings.
Candy Johnson.
What's your real name, Candy?
I guess I ain't know you
well enough to tell you.
But you don't know me
well enough to laugh.
'It's Jederiah.'
Jederiah Johnson.
Well, I know you well enough
to smile.
Here's to knocking 'em dead
in Sacramento.
With a gent like you.
[clicks tongue]
And here's to the Sierra Palace
with a gal like you.
Candy, that's your third drink.
You don't want to wake up
and find trouble
sitting on the bedpost, do you?
[whimsical music]
- Who are you?
- Trouble.
What?
Don't you remember,
you always find it sitting
on the bedpost
after you've been drinking.
[sighs]
How did we get
to Sacramento, honey?
Oh, we didn't.
Uh, this is my room.
Oh.
Well, it looks like you.
Everything in its right place.
Including me.
I've got a compliment for you.
You're prettier this morning
than you were last night.
And I have
a compliment for you.
You were much prettier last
night than you are this morning.
Candy, do you kiss with
your eyes open or closed?
Open, honey. I don't want
to miss anything.
Why, that's fine because
I wouldn't want you
to miss anything.
Did I miss anything?
Well, that depends on
how much you remember.
Oh, I don't know.
A man can do a lot of things
he don't remember.
And that depends on
how intoxicated he was.
What I want to know is how do
you feel about me this morning?
Exactly as I felt
about you last night.
- What do you say for breakfast?
- Oh, I've had mine.
Hm, well, maybe a walk, then?
If you're looking for a door
it's that thing over there
with a knob on it.
And it works both ways.
Oh, what a shame.
We had so much fun
building it last night.
You were so happy.
Happy? How was I happy?
Oh, you were singing.
Did I sing good?
Well, I didn't care
for the voice.
- The sentiment was beautiful.
- Well, that's good.
After the third drink,
I don't usually sing hymns.
Oh, it wasn't a hymn, Candy.
It was, uh
"Here Comes The Bride."
Where did you get that?
You had difficulty
finding the proper finger.
You seemed to think
it should go on my thumb.
Good morning, Mrs. Johnson.
Good morning, Mr. Johnson.
You sure went through a lot
of trouble last night
to make it mister and missus.
Oh, no. No. The only trouble
I had was with Mrs. Varner.
She didn't want to get
the City Clerk
to perform the ceremony.
Oh, but you were quite agreeable
after the third drink--
Yes, sir, you sure went
through a lot of trouble.
Hmm.
How do you know it wouldn't
have been mister and missus
in Sacramento, too?
Oh.
Oh. Don't start talking.
Maybe I got conned into this
marriage and maybe I didn't.
But, uh, anyway,
uh, we're married.
Well, now stop talking.
I've heard that all
brides are nervous.
I-I'm not nervous.
You know, it's too bad
we couldn't have
one of that long
Boston courtships.
In three or four years now
you'd have been
'as cool as a cucumber.'
We're going to have one of those
long Boston courtships.
The only difference is,
it's starting after the wedding.
I'm going to have respect
from you, Candy Johnson.
That ain't why
you married me, honey.
You're going to change.
You didn't go through
all that trouble
just to reform me, did you?
Maybe I did.
Alright.
I'll, uh, reform during the day.
It may keep me busy until...
...almost
9 o'clock tonight.
No ribbons.
[whistling]
Hey, bring me
a gallon of coffee
four eggs and some bacon.
- Send the coffee first.
- Sure, boss.
Sniper, take my hand.
Watch his beard, boys,
it's alive.
What you playing, boys, poker?
Yeah.
Alright, Ace.
Hurry up those groceries.
Well, you walked in here
like a fella who took over
that outfit, but...
...you work like a fella
who got took.
Now, look harder, honey.
When was the last time
I got took?
[chuckles]
Uh, we were married last night.
- Two, isn't it?
- Yeah. Yeah, thanks.
[clinking]
Well, I...
I heard of fellows
being sent to jail, I...
...never heard of him
breaking in.
(Candy)
'That depends on the fellow.'
Aren't you going
to congratulate me?
Here comes your father-in-law.
Think I'll leave that
up to him.
- Sir...
- Ah-ha.
Hey, Judge.
Come in, I wanna talk to you.
Oh, coming.
You two ought to have
a lot to say to each other.
[footsteps receding]
[door opens]
Oh, hello, Candy.
Well, I got everything fixed.
Kendall and Adams
will be on tab tomorrow.
That's fine.
You can see how dry
that water wagon was.
Yeah.
Well, have one on the house.
No.
Even in my prime, I never
drank before breakfast.
Hmm, sit down.
Well, I really ought to get
right home to Elizabeth, huh.
I'm getting her out
of this town, Candy.
I'm sending her back
to Boston this week.
I don't think she'll go, Judge.
Oh, I'll insist on it.
This is no place for her.
- Here, have some breakfast.
- Well, thanks, I...
This is the first time
you ever pressed
to drink on me.
Why?
Well, I want to drink
to your retirement.
You know,
when a man reaches your age
being Justice of the Peace
is enough for him
to worry about.
From now on,
you'll get your cut
'but you won't
do anything for it.'
[scoffs]
Only a sucker expects to
get something for nothing.
Why?
Well, uh, put it down
to family sentiment.
Elizabeth and me
were married last night.
[chair clatters]
(Judge)
'You..'
[gun thuds]
I don't know why
I carry the thing.
I couldn't even shoot a dog.
Here, have your drink, Judge.
I'm gonna hate you
as long as I live.
[door closes]
[dramatic music]
[door shuts]
Hello, Judge.
Did you have a good trip?
- Is Elizabeth upstairs?
- Uh, yeah.
Hey, Elizabeth.
Your pa is here.
(Elizabeth)
'I'll be right down.'
Sit down, Judge.
I'll pour you a cup of coffee.
I got some
on the back of the stove
that'll grow hair on your tail.
Oh, alright.
Hello, papa.
Well, my dear
I understand you've just made
the biggest mistake
of your life.
You know about Candy and...
Oh, I'm sorry you had to hear
about it from somebody else.
Come, sit down.
I...
I'm going to tell you something
that I should have told you
a long time ago.
Candy Johnson is a cheat
and a liar and a thief.
Please, papa, don't.
Maybe there is something
wrong with Candy.
Maybe I know there is,
but he'll change.
I know he will.
Your mother tried
to change me, Elizabeth.
She was still trying
the day she died.
Don't you believe
people can change?
Not people like Candy Johnson.
I know
because we're both cut
from the same piece
of shoddy cloth.
I hoped that I'd never
have to tell you this.
It'll hit you between the eyes.
But maybe
that's what you need.
[tense music]
I'm a cheap crook
with a respectable front.
I was born that way
and I'll die that way.
Looking after myself no matter
what it costs anyone else.
And so will Candy.
He'll never do anything,
but hurt you.
We'll never change
except for the worse.
I wish mother could've
heard you just now.
She'd know
that she didn't fail.
You weren't just looking
after yourself.
You were trying to help me.
No matter what it cost you.
I'm afraid
you're just like your mother.
Well, what's going on in here?
Anything I should know?
Elizabeth has been telling me
how to make a silk purse
out of a sow's ear.
We're going to be proud
of Candy someday, papa.
[chuckles]
Well, Judge, everybody's kids
has gotta grow up
and get married someday.
Yes, but not to Candy Johnson.
She'll never change him.
And if he changes her,
I'll...
Oh, you're wrong about him,
Judge.
Most folks think threatened
of him to go around.
[instrumental music]
[doorknob clicks]
[clears throat]
I thought that handkerchief
looked pretty cute.
I haven't got my key yet,
Mrs. Varner, uh...
- Where's Mrs. Johnson?
- Upstairs.
Not going your pelt.
Last night this time,
I was thinkin'
what a handsome corpse
you'd make.
Don't say that, honey.
I've got a lot to live for.
Take it easy
and you'll live longer.
[knock on door]
(Elizabeth)
'Who's there?'
It's me.
Jederiah.
(Elizabeth)
'What do you want?'
I said, what do you want?
What're you doin' out there?
Well, at the moment, I'm tryin'
to cook up an answer.
That shouldn't be
very difficult
for you, Mr. Johnson.
I don't feel like talking now, honey.
Besides, this is a public place
out here.
Oh, well,
that's very unfortunate
because this is the one time
that I really feel
like listening.
Oh, besides, this is
a very private place in here.
Say, couldn't you hear me
a lot better
if we got all this wood out
from in between us?
Well, so far,
you haven't said very much.
But I hear you perfectly.
Uh, maybe you were right about
that Boston courtship stuff, honey.
Now you're beginning
to say something.
(Candy)
'Yeah, you were right.'
'You know, a gal oughta have
a breathing spell'
'to find out about the gent
she's gonna marry.'
But you know more about me
than most folks.
Now, for instance, uh,
you know my real handle.
Go right on, Mr. Johnson.
Well, um
I was born in Chattanooga.
Oh. I like this courtship,
Mr. Johnson.
And it wasn't always
"Mr. Johnson."
They used to call me
just plain "Fatty."
'I got the name Fatty
my first day at school.'
Did you like school, Candy?
Did you get good marks?
I didn't go to school
very long.
Why?
Did you have to stop
to go to work?
Yes, yes, that was it.
I had to help out at home.
Well, even after I ran away
I always sent something home
every week.
How old were you then, Candy?
Sixteen,
but I was big for my age.
How big were you?
Big enough to get by.
Can I come in now, honey?
Why don't you try sitting down?
Peep in through the keyhole.
What?
Did you always get by, Candy?
[chair clatters]
Yes, but just getting by
didn't satisfy me for long.
It had to be better
than getting by.
'I never was one to stand
outside scratching on doors.'
I don't know what
I'm doing out here now.
This courtship is over.
One more knock on that door,
and this marriage's over.
[banging on door]
I've been listening to you,
Candy Johnson
and that's always a mistake.
Courtship, a fine idea
of courtship you have.
Who cares if you ran away
from home?
Who cares if they used
to call you fatty?
What a woman wants
to know about a man
is whether he has decent
honorable emotion.
I've got decent
honorable emotions.
[knocking continues]
Stop scratching on that door,
you can't come in...
[door thuds]
[wood clatters]
[door slams]
[wood clatters]
I just came in to say
goodnight, Mrs. Johnson.
You can forget about that key.
What would you need
a key for?
Candy?
Candy Johnson,
you come right back here.
[instrumental music]
Boss, boss. Look, we fix
wedding cake for you.
Thanks, Jim.
You eat it.
(Sniper)
'Well, now, slow down.'
Ain't it past your bedtime,
Sonny?
Maybe, he couldn't sleep
without the tinkle
of the cash register.
How'd you like to come
to my wedding supper, honey?
- What if the bride objects?
- No.
She asked me to get
somebody to take her place.
Alright.
Hey, hey.
Bring us a couple of steaks
and a bottle of beer
for the lady.
Yes, boss.
I sure like a man
who can order a good meal.
[door shuts]
[music continues]
[crowd cheering]
- Hiya, sweetheart.
- Ooh!
[grunts]
Pardon me,
where is Mr. Johnson, please?
- He's in there.
- Thank you.
- I'm sorry. Candy's out, ma'am.
- I know he isn't.
- But you see he's busy.
- He'll be busier.
[music continues]
[knocking on door]
(Candy)
'Go away.'
[knocking on door]
'Get away from that door.'
[door shuts]
Well, I'm glad I didn't
have to break it down.
The two of us were having
a little wedding supper.
Why don't you make it a crowd?
I certainly will.
Order me a steak too.
Oh, and a bottle of beer.
Well, are you sure
you'd like our steaks out here?
You know, we eat 'em rare,
and that isn't Boston style.
My great grandfather used
to eat them raw. On the hook.
He'd have a tough time
in Nevada.
Our cows wouldn't
stand still for it.
Oh, you don't know
her ancestors, my dear.
The old boy probably
took the horns in one hand
the tail in the other
and ate the critter
like an ear of corn.
- What about your ancestors?
- Oh, they didn't eat beef.
- They rustled them.
- In-law trouble already?
Only with the relations
on my husband's side.
Candy isn't any relation
of mine. He's just a friend.
Hmm. An old friend.
I'm sure he can't be
such an old friend, my dear.
You hardly know
anything about him.
Uh, maybe. But if I told all
I know, he'd be in jail.
And so would you, honey.
Then, of course,
you know where he was born.
Sure. El Paso.
Oh, no. Chattanooga, my dear.
(Gold Dust)
'El Paso.'
I suppose you know
he ran away from home.
In Chattanooga.
He didn't run away.
They kicked him out of El Paso.
Uh...
Either way,
it was, um, St. Louis.
[chuckles softly]
I'm sure they couldn't
have kicked him out.
He was such a nice little boy.
In case you don't know,
they called him Fatty.
In case you don't know,
they called him Little Stinky.
Fatty.
Believe me, Little Stinky.
What did they call you?
Well, you want the truth?
They called me, um, Big Stinky.
[folk music]
Well, Candyman,
thanks for the beefsteak.
The next time
I go to a wedding supper
I need to get me
a husband first.
[door shuts]
Why did you tell her
the truth and lie to me?
It isn't my fault if I can't
slug it out with you
toe to toe.
I didn't want
to be born in Boston.
It just happened.
And I can't help it
if I have green in my eyes.
I'm just as good looking
as she is
and I have just
as good a figure
maybe even better.
I can walk like she does,
if that's what you want.
I can smoke and I can drink.
What else can you do?
Well, I...
I haven't had much
practice, but...
...but I can kiss a man.
[chair creaks]
Practice.
[music continues]
I wanna go home, Candy.
You are home.
[people clamoring]
[instrumental music]
(Elizabeth)
'Don't tell me
that's trouble again.'
You married trouble, honey.
Come here
and kiss me, trouble.
[instrumental music]
Will you be there every morning
when I wake up?
If that's how you want it.
That's how I want it
till I stop waking up.
Why worry about
the next 50 years?
We're here now, aren't we?
I am worried though, Candy.
This gun, must you wear it?
Black isn't becoming
to brides, honey.
Please, Candy.
Please,
leave the belt home today.
Please.
It's as good as left.
[chuckles softly]
[snaps fingers]
That's him for a 100 bucks.
He'll be stiff as a poker
by midnight.
Look, he hasn't got his gun.
You don't have to wait for dark.
Go after him now.
Pick a fight with him.
Say he cheated you.
No, sir, I don't shoot
no unarmed man.
I got a prejudice against
getting myself lynched.
Oh, what're you talking about?
You don't know he hasn't
got a gun, do you? Get goin'.
Yeah, I like those.
They're nice and fancy.
You think they're big enough, honey?
You know nothing about feet,
and even less about women.
Always ask whether
shoes are small enough.
Hey, Johnson.
You're running a prey scam
in your joint.
They took me for my poke.
I'm glad to listen
to your squawk, mister.
Mine's a true squawk.
'Draw, mister.'
I got nothing against you
and ten-to-one,
you got nothing against me
that can't be ironed out.
I'm givin' you every chance.
Draw!
Now, wait a minute.
I got my wife here.
[gunshots]
[gunshot]
Candy.
Candy, are you alright?
That's the first time
I couldn't talk my way out.
Oh, Candy and I wanted you
to leave your gun home.
That's alright, honey.
I did leave the belt at home.
[indistinct chatter]
Dead as a doornail.
The man's been killed in cold
blood, and here's the killer.
What are you gonna do about it?
What'd you suggest, sheriff?
If nobody thinks his feet
are too close to the ground
I'm puttin' him in jail.
So I can be shot
while escaping, huh?
It was self-defense.
It was self-defense--
- It was murder.
- The lady's right.
I saw the whole thing.
Who else saw?
[indistinct chatter]
(Sniper)
'The dude went for his six-gun'
'and the big fella here just'
'naturally beat him
to the draw.'
You ought never to open
your mouth except to eat.
Friends, I appreciate
your clearing me.
But what happens to me
isn't important.
It's what happens
to this town.
There's a man lying dead
in the road.
You killed him.
I'll take your gun.
This man could've been me
it could've been you,
any one of us.
If Yellow Creek's ever going
to amount to anything, folks
we've gotta make it safe
for a man
to go out and get himself
a breath of fresh air
without getting into
a shooting scrape.
A man's gotta carry a gun
in a town
where there's no law and order.
No law and order, huh?
You ever stopped to figure out
why you haven't got it?
Who elected this gent sheriff, anyway?
I elected myself, unanimously.
Yeah, he just pinned on a star,
and started giving orders.
Uh-huh. Do you still want him
to go on giving orders?
(Sniper)
No! Throw him out!
[clamoring]
Brazos, sounds like
you've just been fired.
I always listen
to the voice of the people
even when I know
they're makin' a mistake.
Mr. Johnson, what do figure
we ought to do with this star?
Find a cleaner vest
to pin it on.
Well, I don't see
any spots on yours.
- 'Sure, pin it on Candy.'
- 'That's a good idea.'
[indistinct]
Nice and shiny, isn't it?
I've got just one
official act to perform.
Brazos, I'm serving
notice on you right now
that you're through
running wild in Yellow Creek.
I see your lips movin', but
I ain't heard a word you said.
- I can talk louder.
- Not loud enough.
Hang onto this until you find
the right man to wear it.
And there's only one way
to find him
and that's by
a fair-and-square election.
Mr. Johnson,
you've got some good ideas.
It's about time this town
got some self-respect.
Sure, run it like a town.
City Hall,
mayor and everything.
Come on, honey.
(male #5)
'We're behind you Candy..'
[instrumental music]
Citizens need a new library.
Start breaking ground
for it tomorrow, Joe.
And I suppose, raise the taxes
again the day after, huh?
I wouldn't think of tell you
what to do, mayor.
As long as my cut
is big enough.
How much you want for this one?
Price tag's on all of 'em.
[knock on door]
- Who is it?
- 'Kendall.'
Hiya, fellas.
Hello, Mr. District Attorney.
You're late.
Hey, uh, Sniper,
how about some ear buffs?
Is that what's them things
on that case there?
Yeah.
Brazos
we've got every rule that
we run town on a 15% basis.
- 'Is that right?'
- That's right.
Heist it to 20.
I don't like these, no flash.
- What I get outta this heist?
- Your regular cut.
And that's three times
what you made
in your old joint.
It's still only knee-high
to what you're making.
You like this town,
don't you, Brazos?
- Stayin' around, ain't I?
- I'm lettin' you stay.
Don't make me change
my mind about it.
Mm.
Say, Candy, I've got
some beefs today.
Those storekeepers
in the 200 block
say they can't pay the rent,
we want to stay in business.
Sure, they can.
Ask Brazos, he's the landlord.
All they got to do
is raise the price of beans.
I'll take this one. This is
the biggest one they got.
Alright, boys, next board
meeting on Tuesday.
And go out careful.
We don't need to advertise.
Tell him to make this up
in red, white and blue.
Fourth of July's coming.
Candy, you better ease up
on these citizens a little
or they'd throw rocks
in your windows.
You know who's with us.
I don't get up there
where people can throw at me.
That's what I hired them for,
let them do the ducking.
Well, maybe they can't
duck fast enough.
Then, we'll ship in another
carload of gents who can.
Candy, the Judge's gonna spoil
your whole setup in this town.
He's talkin'.
Oh, nobody listens
to the old drunk.
You're no different.
If it was anybody else,
you'd shut him up.
Well, I'll have
a little chat with him.
You better do it pretty quick.
He keeps talking and talking.
He's out to get you.
What's eatin' him, anyway?
You're his son-in-law.
That's what he's got
against me.
[pensive music]
How's it coming, honey?
Fine, darling,
I'm almost finished dressing.
Yeah. Hmm.
Black lace stockings,
diamonds in your hair.
That's what I promised you,
and that's what you got.
- Everything but the plumes.
- Here, let's look at you.
[clears throat]
That's some outfit.
You'll knock the governor
in a cocked hat
with that tonight.
But, Candy,
this isn't my dress.
You mean to say you're gonna
cover all that up?
No, partly, anyway
for the most beautiful dress
in the world.
No one'll like it half so good.
Oh, but, Candy, most husbands
would object
to their wives
wearing so little.
Yeah, but most husbands
don't have
a gal like you to show off.
[chuckles]
Think of it, darling, tonight
we're entertaining the governor
two senators and, oh, I don't
know how many millionaires.
Aren't you nervous?
Oh, sure, honey, real nervous.
Soothe me.
[chuckles]
Oh, Candy.
Coffee in the drawing-room, ladies.
Now, gentlemen, don't be
too long with your cigars.
I'm depending on you, governor.
Count on me, Mrs. Johnson.
This is such a charming house,
Mrs. Johnson.
You certainly have brought
civilization to the wilderness.
By wilderness, do you mean
Yellow Creek or my husband?
[laughs]
Always wondered what they drew
in a drawing room.
Pictures or a gun?
[all laughing]
What's the matter, governor,
aren't you smoking?
- Here, have a cigar.
- Oh, thank you.
Uh, Candy, tell me,
are going to let us in
on that Windfall
mining stock deal?
Well, good evening, gentlemen.
I'm sorry I'm a little late
to dinner, Candy.
But I see I'm just in time
to have a drink with your gang.
Oh, Judge Cotton
I don't believe
you've met Governor Wilson.
- How do you do, sir?
- Judge Cotton, retired.
Yes, I-I may be a retired judge,
but I'm a practicing drunkard.
Well, Judge,
since we are drinking
I'd like to propose
a toast to your son-in-law.
Candy Johnson, Nevada's
coming man of the hour.
Yes, well, I'll toast to
any man with his own brandy
and the older the brandy,
the better the toast.
To my respected son-in-law.
The man who runs Yellow Creek
like a set of toy trains.
The man who arrived here with
one shirt and a million words
and now the people have
all the words
and he's got
every shirt in town.
That's right, Judge.
But those, uh, shirts are
getting a little small for me.
Come on now,
you can do better than that.
Ugh. Yes, yes, I can.
To a room full of suckers.
- Suckers?
- Yes, gentlemen.
Don't you know
what a sucker is?
A sucker is anyone who listens
to Candy Johnson.
Please, papa.
Oh. Well...
Well, goodnight, gentlemen.
Sleep well.
May you dream of
fat little angels
playing on harps
that looked like dollar signs.
Goodnight, Judge.
And thank you.
[door shuts]
Well, gentlemen, the Judge
just saved me a lot of time
that's why I let him rip.
He, uh, dragged something
out of the table
that we all ought to see,
so let's take a look at it.
I do run this town, gents.
You knew that
when you came here.
'If you hadn't known it,
you'd have stayed away.'
If you're ready to pay for
anything that I can do for you
then I can do plenty,
and you can pay plenty.
So we oughta get along.
Right?
Gentlemen.
As I was saying,
to Candy Johnson
Nevada's
coming man of the hour.
Make it man of the year,
will you, governor?
An hour sounds
kind of temporary.
[all laughing]
[instrumental music]
Oh, I finally got papa to bed.
Did he spoil anything for you?
No.
Well, you're sweet
not to be angry.
Promised this dance to anybody?
Well, yes,
to my husband.
You think he'll mind
if I cut him out?
Well, I don't know,
he's a little jealous.
He's a lot jealous.
[chuckles]
Well, every time
I get hold of you
I forget we're married.
Oh, Candy, I don't think
you'll ever feel married.
You keep on looking
like you do, then I won't.
[Elizabeth chuckles]
Hello, Jim.
Are you going to
be ready with lunch?
Oh, yes, ma'am.
We're all ready.
But I'm afraid Mr. Johnson
is gonna be late today.
Oh, no, Jim.
Mr. Johnson's never late.
(Candy)
'Hey!'
Everybody out of town?
Hello, honey.
Hello, Jim.
I came to a very serious
decision today.
What, Candy?
I'm not gonna work anymore
in the mornings.
Miss you too much.
Oh, I'd like to
have you miss me.
Yeah, you know,
I never can figure it out.
Whether you're prettier
by lamp light, or by day light.
[chuckles]
Candy, did you mean
what you said last night?
Well, that depends on
what you're remembering.
Well, I mean about not ever
wanting to feel married.
Who does?
Well, if you don't mind,
I'd like to
for a special reason.
Well, go on, honey,
feel married.
Eh, you're not so good
at making coffee, but, uh
I'm not complaining.
Well, I'm afraid that you
are going to have to
start feeling married, too.
Just a little bit.
Yeah?
Who's going to make me?
Well, a very tough customer.
Your daughter or-or your son,
as the case may be.
I saw Doctor Otis this morning.
Well, I'm a ring-tailed deer.
Oh, Candy.
Then it doesn't make you
feel too married?
Feel too...
Say, look, honey.
You shouldn't be on your feet.
Candy.
Candy, put me down.
Candy, I'm so happy.
I was scared.
I was scared to death that
you would start
looking for that door.
What door? From now on,
this house hasn't got any doors.
We'll climb in and out
the chimney like Santa Claus.
[laughs]
I'm moving downtown, Elizabeth.
I never should have come to this
house in the first place.
Come in, Judge.
Put down that bag.
You gotta start acting
like a grandfather.
A grandfather?
Just what does
a grandfather do first?
Well, first he swells up
like a toad
and he offers his
congratulations.
- Why?
- Why not?
I've tried to believe
that you didn't know
what's been going on
in this town, Elizabeth.
'What buys dresses like
this and a house like this.'
What's making all the honest,
respectable citizens
of Yellow Creek talk about
taking the law
into their own hands.
Oh, forget it, Judge.
They're just a lot of suckers
talking to more suckers.
Haven't you something to say
to that, Elizabeth?
Papa, I don't question
Candy's methods.
I see his results
and I like them.
So will you just stop talking
about it, aye, Judge?
You were gonna change him
you said.
You haven't changed him,
he's changed you.
Wait a minute, Judge.
You sound like you
don't like the change.
What's wrong with her wearing
dresses like this?
What's wrong with her living
in a house like this?
And what's wrong with her
being happy with me?
If you cared about anything
but yourself, you'd know.
You know her only chance
is to get away from you.
Anything I like,
I don't let get away from me.
I tried to kill you once...
...I should've done it.
Papa.
He'll come back.
Honey, what do we call him?
- Who?
- The new Johnson.
Oh.
Well, what do you think
of Jederiah for a name?
It wouldn't be polite
to tell a lady.
What say we call him
after Judge, huh?
Alright.
[doorbell buzzing]
(Jim)
Oh, uh, good evening.
Where's your boss?
Mr. Johnson is dressing
for dinner.
Tell him to slip on a kimono
and come down.
Will you wait in
the drawing room, gentlemen?
[whistling]
It's sure like you said,
Brazos.
And he picked the right end
of this business for himself.
The nice, soft end.
Of course he did.
'You boys got lot
on your side.'
Hello, Candy.
(Candy)
Thought we had things
divided up
so that we did all of
our business downtown, gents.
But this is so ripe,
it won't keep.
(Candy)
Oh, well, then
sit down and unload it.
I wouldn't want you boys
to carry anything around
that's going to spoil on you.
We hear the Judge got
an awful belly ache last night
right in front of the governor.
And the boys here feel,
we oughta
'put him out of his misery.'
The boys are kinda taking
the bit in their teeth
aren't they, Brazos?
Listen, we gotta do something
about the Judge.
We got a tip they're gonna
hold a big meeting
at the old mission
tomorrow afternoon.
There's even talk of having
a grand jury.
And the Judge will be there.
Made quite a speech
at Wells grocery store.
Said he'd given some names,
and facts and figures.
And the boys don't like
to be talked about
behind their back, Candy.
I'll send him out of town again
in the morning.
He'll be
on the 1 o'clock train.
Yeah, he's been
put on trains before
but he always had
a round trip ticket.
Oh, not this time.
This time I know Candy
will send him so far away
he'll get lost.
He won't get lost
if he stays away.
Only if he comes back.
I tried to talk him out of it
till I was blue in the face.
But that's how they feel.
Must've been a becoming color.
It's too bad
I couldn't have seen you.
Brazos.
We don't want the boys to go
away all mixed up, do we?
We don't want them
to get the idea
that anything they've said
is responsible
for the Judge's leaving.
I am sending him,
not the boys.
And I didn't need them
to remind me.
You think they've got
that straight, Brazos?
Oh, sure, boss.
Straight as a string.
See, the only thing the boys
were just worried about
was that you might be a little
sentimental about your family.
Me, I wasn't worried at all.
What lie are you gonna
tell Elizabeth?
I'll tell her that you
got the itch to move again.
When you get settled
in Chicago, drop her a line.
And if you need money,
let me know.
Where'll you be?
Right here in Yellow Creek.
- Hanging from what tree?
- 'Board!'
Listen, Judge, why don't you
stop trying to save people
who don't need to be saved?
So long.
I'll have Elizabeth bring
the kid back for a visit.
[train chugging]
Hey, Judge,
you're stopping the train.
I know.
I'm going back, Fred.
I gotta see a town about a dog.
I'm for bending
a rope right now.
- Let's stretch their necks.
- That never settled anything.
We've got the Judge
on our side.
And he's got the low down
on everything they've done.
I can't figure out
why he did it.
But he's kept a record
of facts, figures and dates.
We won't get any justice
in this town.
- 'We'll go to the governor.'
- I ain't so sure of him.
Then we'll go higher up.
And we'll keep on going
till somebody listens to us.
'Everybody in Yellow Creek's
got the right to speak'
'his own piece.'
Glad you feel that way
about it, honey.
'Cause I'm ready to speak mine.
We'd sooner listen to the Judge.
Your guest of honor
send his regrets, folks
and asked that I take over.
I understand that you people
feel you have a squawk coming.
Yes, a loud one.
When the Judge
gets through talking
a grand jury
will hear it a mile away.
You don't seem
to get the point, Mr. Wells.
The judge is
through talking, but I am not.
I don't like to
blow my horn, folks.
But it seems to me as though
I have to remind you
of a few things.
Haven't you forgotten that
I built the first thing
that looked like
a church in town?
And I built the first school,
the first firehouse.
Don't let him get wound up.
Or he'll have us all lugged
like Christmas tigers.
I can prove that
out of every dollar
collected for taxes
forty cents is gone
for public improvement.
And we can prove
60 cents goes to you.
(male #3)
'Yeah.'
Mr. Wells,
I don't like talk that.
'I'm going to ask you
to trot out your proof'
'or pull in your horns.'
Maybe I can trot out
that proof, Candy.
I'm sorry I'm late, folks.
[gunshot]
[people screaming]
[people clamoring]
- What happened?
- Brazos' killed the Judge.
Papa.
Phil, call Dr. Otis.
Come on, boys, give me a hand,
let's get her up to the house.
- Where's the hot water?
- How is she?
I can't say yet, Mr. Johnson.
Dr. Otis will tell you himself.
[door opens]
That pill shooter is taking
his time in there.
Don't worry, Candyman.
Women don't get hurt so easy.
You bat 'em down,
they bounce right up again.
This Otis,
is he a good doctor?
Sure, the best in Yellow Creek.
He's the only one
in Yellow Creek.
That means he's the worst too.
Uh, will you go inside
and help the nurse, please?
Yes.
Well?
I'm sorry, sir, but...
...your wife isn't going
to have that child.
Mr. Johnson,
I must tell you...
...I'm afraid
for your wife too.
What?
I'm going to operate, but...
Operate?
What are you
talking about?
It's a long chance.
You've got to understand that.
I'll try,
but I can't offer much hope.
Any hope, really.
Don't tell me
my wife is going to die.
I don't like talk like that.
Take hold of yourself, man,
I'm doing my best.
But I'm only human.
I'm not.
And if you don't pull her
through, I'll prove it to you.
I swear that, Otis.
By your life.
I'm trying everything I know.
You heard me.
[door shuts]
[door shuts]
Well, the doctor's
finished, Candy, but...
...we're not gonna know
anything much
for a couple of hours.
[door shuts]
She's still under the drug.
[pensive music]
Candy.
It's my fault papa's dead.
Poor papa.
He was only trying to help me.
You better not talk now, honey.
[shuddering]
Papa.
He didn't understand
that I couldn't leave you.
[sobbing]
No matter what you do.
I should leave you.
But I never will.
But I mustn't let myself
think about it.
And myself-myself...
Some day...
Some day,
I-I really won't care.
I'll be like you.
I'll lie and
'cheat and steal, too.'
[Elizabeth moans]
[breathing heavily]
The drug is still effective.
She doesn't know
what she's saying.
[somber music]
[door shuts]
[knocking on door]
How is she?
We don't know yet.
(Sniper)
'I gotta talk to Candy,
we're heading for trouble.'
Not now, Sniper.
This is serious, honey.
It's shooting trouble.
Candy, people are holding
meetings all over this town.
Mrs. Varner and that fellow
Wells are leaving.
They say they're gonna get you
and your bunch
out of Yellow Creek
if they have to blast to do it.
Brazos and the boys grabbed up
all the guns inside.
And they've holed up
in the City Hall.
And if you're not down there
telling those fellows what to do
it's gonna be Brazos.
Candy,
you better listen to him.
The Judge getting himself
killed that way
'he touched off
the whole thing.'
'He should have stayed
on that train.'
I'll tell you why he came back.
Because he thought I wasn't
any good for Elizabeth.
He told me her only chance
was to get away from me.
He believed it.
Believed it so much,
he got himself killed for it.
That's believing.
Candy, you've been wearin'
that carpet out for hours.
Why don't you try to rest?
[door opens]
Well, Mr. Johnson,
your wife is resting quietly.
She's going to be alright.
[exhales]
Thanks, doc.
Write your own ticket for
anything you want from me.
At the moment,
I think I'll ask the cook
for a cup of coffee.
Gold Dust.
This will tell Elizabeth
where everything is.
Give it to her in some time.
And here's the keys
to the strongbox.
Tell her
there's enough cash in it
to last her for 50 years
in Yellow Creek...
...and a 100 years in Boston.
You are picking up
a fine time to walk out.
I should've done it
a long while back.
Not unless you're no good
for her, like the Judge said.
I've got a different reason.
Her speed is some sucker
working in a grocery store
fiddling around with tin cans.
That's for her.
And I just found it out.
[door opens]
Your wife is asking for you,
Mr. Johnson.
Tell her I have gone...
Never mind.
[door opens]
[door shuts]
[mellow music]
[sobbing]
Here, here, here.
Did the...
Did the doctor tell you, Candy?
Sure, honey.
He said you are
going to be fine.
I lost your baby.
But you didn't
get lost yourself.
And that's what counts.
At first, I didn't think
you wanted the baby, Candy.
And then, you were so happy.
We'll have another one.
You're going to have everything
you ought to have.
A nice clean world
all dressed up in a white shirt
with its face washed.
I like the one I have.
No, you don't.
You just got
kind of used to it.
I couldn't live without it.
You better get some sleep now.
I want to stay awake
and think about my husband.
But the doc says
you've got to have some rest.
Then I'll go to sleep
and dream about him.
How about a kiss?
Could you make it
a little bigger?
This one's got to do me
a long time.
Well, any time away from you
is a long time.
[somber music]
This just came for you.
Got another message
from Sniper.
The people are putting
up barricades
outside City Hall.
They're getting ready
to blow the place apart.
My pal, the governor
wants to know
do I need the militia
to put the citizens
back in their suckers.
And do you?
I figure there's been
enough killing already.
Besides,
I've still got my voice.
And just to make sure
that I get a chance to use it
I'll take this along.
Goodbye, Gold Dust.
Don't take any wooden suckers.
So long.
[door shuts]
Big Stinky.
Alright, stand by, everybody.
We're gonna start
this little fracas.
You women
keep in the background.
Women shouldn't
be here anyway.
Well, you can't
keep 'em out of it.
Dan, we're all ready.
Let's unravel some cartridges.
Now, take it easy,
don't rush it
I'll give them a chance
to come out
and give themselves up.
Hey, you inside there!
That City Hall
belongs to this town.
You're going to now get out
or we're gonna start shooting.
You better not try it.
We've got the law on our side.
Come on, boys,
get on those windows.
- 'There's Candy Johnson.'
- 'What's he doing here?'
(male #4)
'What do you want?'
Where do you think you're going?
You don't figure
I belong out here, do you?
No, I don't.
Go in there with your friends.
You and the rest
have got just five minutes
to get out of town.
If you go with your hands up
and pockets empty.
But we want Brazos
for killing the Judge.
You're bucking
duly-elected officers
of the city government.
We're just voting you all out,
the fast way.
The governor doesn't
like it that way.
He sent me a telegram,
wanted to know
if I needed the militia
to teach you folks
some manners.
No use talking, Candy.
We're wearing ear laps today.
We're in the right,
that's why we're gonna let ya.
And nothing's gonna stop us.
The bigger the herd,
the easier the stampede.
One side, suckers.
Next time you talk to suckers,
say please.
(male #5)
'Get 'em up.'
Candy, these polecats
are behind Brazos' solid.
He's right.
The boys think
you're a little late.
A little too late
to sit in on this game.
You're trying
to play boss, huh?
I am boss.
We're changing places.
I get that high horse
you've been riding
and you get
a little slugger lead.
But first, you're gonna do
some crawling.
Light me.
I told you once,
I don't carry matches.
There's plenty matches.
Now light me.
[gun clicks]
[matchstick strikes]
You better try lighting
one Western style
with your thumbnail.
If you think you can keep
your fingers from shaking.
[matchstick strikes]
Three strikes
and you're out, Candyman.
This time, you better try
to light one
on the seat of your pants,
sucker style.
Come on, sucker, reach
for the seat of your pants.
[gunshots]
[gunshot]
Drop it, Candy.
[gun thuds]
How you settled with Brazos
is your business.
What goes on now is ours.
We don't give into
that town out there
the town gives into us.
We've got the law on our side
that's just a mob out there.
[indistinct chattering]
You heard the boys,
where do you stand?
Oh, wait a minute.
You've just seen
a little family feud.
After what happened
to the Judge
you can understand that.
But you boys, well,
that's different.
Who put you in office?
Who gave you your jobs?
Where do you think I stand?
There was a time when I wouldn't
have agreed with you.
I'd have gone out there
and tried to talk those rabbits
back into the ground,
they started running.
But I'm through talking to
suckers and I'm through running.
Hot lead,
that's the only answer
to any question
they can ask us.
We'll show 'em
the holes in our guns
and tell 'em what to do.
And if they don't do it,
the excitement starts.
When gents like us
get into anything
it's gotta pay off
the goose pimples up our back
as well as dough in the sock.
So come on, boys,
get on those windows.
Start limbering up
your trigger fingers.
When we polish off a town
full of citizens
we'll be famous.
This isn't the real fight.
I can promise you some fireworks
when the militia gets here.
Militia?
Did you say
the militia were coming?
Sure. State Militia.
They'll come charging up here
with their cannons
and we'll have some nice shiny
brass buttons to shoot at.
Ten on a trooper
and 16 on an officer.
What's the militia
coming up here for?
Thought the governor
was a friend of yours.
Sure, he is,
a friend to the end.
And the end is
when we start shooting.
He sent me a telegram, said
he was sending up some uniforms
to set us back
on our boot here.
Well, that's a mob out there.
Why don't the governor send
the troops back to them?
Because he's got
a yellow belly.
He knows that once
we start shooting
that won't be a mob anymore.
That'll be
a lot of dead suckers
smelling awful respectable.
Come on, boys,
who wants the honor
of shooting his first bird
on the ground?
Here, how about you, Adams?
Come on, we've got all the money
in Yellow Creek.
We got every public office
and we got the law tied up
like a rodeo steer.
Say, when I got all that
I'd hang on
and reach out for more.
Now, it's either that
or stick our tail
between our legs
and start running.
Well, I'm through running.
I've been run out of
too many towns.
So I got me a town of my own,
and this is it.
- My town.
- Your town?
I ain't gonna fight the militia
to fill your pockets.
He's right, Candy,
those troops can massacre us.
Maybe they can,
and maybe they will.
But what a fight we'll put up
before we lose.
And we're not gonna run out
the back way
just because it's not guarded.
Not us!
We're gonna make it a scrap
every shot of the way.
Until the last one of us
garbs his belly
and falls on his face
in the dirt.
I ain't too proud
to go out the back way.
- Hop out, boys.
- Me neither.
Hey, wait a minute, come back
here! Adams, come here.
'What have you got to lose
that I haven't got?'
[indistinct yelling]
Come back, you yellow dogs.
[sighs]
Light me.
You're getting more like Brazos
every minute.
I'd have to be dead
to be like Brazos.
You are dead in Yellow Creek
You just gave this town back
to those suckers.
You're crazy, my brave
little army just ran out on me.
Ran like dogs on fire.
You mean you
ran 'em out yourself.
Candy, that's the best
con-speech
I've ever heard in my life.
What do you mean con-speech?
I was only trying
to get 'em interested.
Alright, move in, it's vacant.
Vacant? What about
that band of cut-throats?
Here they come,
looks like old times.
Where are they?
Where's the rest of that gang?
They went out the back way.
He's right, Dan, they're gone.
What about Brazos?
He's got a hole drilled in him.
You can hang him up on a nail.
One side, suckers.
Please.
[train whistling]
Hope that train is
headed for Cheyenne.
What about our laundry?
Forget it.
It was getting a little frayed
around the edges anyway.
I'm kinda sorry to see him go.
What?
Oh, never mind, you wouldn't
know what I mean, anyhow.
Why?
Because you ain't a female.
Oh, what's that you're
playing boys, poker?
Why don't you sit down
and find out?
Well, thanks,
and don't mind if I do.
Pardon me.
Sniper!
Oh!
Honey, I couldn't have been
more gladder to see you
as if you were some fat sucker
from Iowa.
Oh, Sniper, I know
I've never told you this
but you are a beautiful man.
Candy's upstairs, room 206,
it's a first turn to the left.
I'll head you till the stairs.
Oh, you are smart and I like
your taste in postcards too.
Ma'am, where are you going?
Room 206, it's the first turn
to the left.
And missus.
[pen thuds]
[knocking on door]
Come in.
[door shuts]
It's bad luck to say goodbye
twice to the same person.
Then don't say it.
You said it once
and you didn't mean it.
You're a liar, Mr. Johnson.
(Candy)
'I don't want anymore talk,
I don't know'
'what you mean
when you say you came here'
'because I've changed.'
- 'Yes, Candy.'
- 'I haven't changed.'
(Candy)
'You're here
because you're crazy about me.'
(Elizabeth)
'Yes, Candy.'
(Candy)
'You liked me the way I was'
'and the way
I always will be.'
'You wouldn't change
a hair of my head.'
(Elizabeth)
'No, Candyman.'
'Now for understanding you
so well, what do I get?'
[instrumental music]