House Party 3 (1994) Movie Script

MAN: You may now kiss the bride.
WOMAN 1: Play. He's so fine.
WOMAN 2: Ooh, he looks good.
WOMAN 3: Can I change his mind?
WOMAN 4: Over here, baby.
WOMAN 5: Ooh, I need you.
Come back here.
I love you.
WOMAN 6: I love you.
WOMAN 7: Oh, don't do it.
Yo, this wedding got me buggin'.
Hey, how about a nice, big, juicy good morning kiss?
Not with that good morning breath.
Look, just one kiss.
Come on. That's all I want. Just one kiss.
Come on back.
Since you're so sweet, you can have just a little--
What are you doing?
What am I doing?
What are you doing?
Sergeant Sausage is present and ready for duty, okay?
Prepare for insertion.
Wait. At ease.
Sergeant Sausage, Veda's a vegetarian.
Look, just calm down and close your eyes, all right?
It ain't gonna take but a minute while I'm up in it.
So I'm marrying the minute man now, huh?
You knew that going in.
Kid, stop.
VEDA: The wedding is days away.
I know. And my nuts are as blue as these sheets.
Come on, hit a nigger off.
I'll hit you, all right.
MACHINE: Hi, this is Shireen from The Good Girls--
Come on, baby, let it run.
Can't be anybody important. I'm already here.
Oh, uh-huh. I got to get it. It might be about a job.
STINKY: Yo, hey, hey, hey, wake up, Play.
Hey, girl, I know he's there.
I don't know why your fine ass
is wasting your time with him anyway.
You need to be chillin' with me.
Because, girl, I'll lick you like an ice cream cone
on a hot summer's day.
Damn, you a fine girl.
It's your friend that's not potty-trained.
It's my cousin. Someone's got to look out for him.
Or just look out.
Boy, you sure look good this morning.
You're missing something though.
Check this out.
Aw, yeah.
Talk to me.
What's up for breakfast?
Talk to me.
Talk to him. Give to him.
I'll tell you, based on the color scheme,
I think this looks better on you.
STINKY: We got to get ready to pick up
Kid's dread-head cousins from the airport
and then we got to plan the bachelor party.
And then we need to talk about my 50, 50, 50 fractions
of Kid and Play's productions that you guys owe me
for my personal services, man.
Stinky, if you go to school like your mother wants,
you'd understand the business more,
The percentages instead of the fractions.
And right now I'm trying to close a very important deal.
I'm gonna have to get with you later, Stinky.
KID: I'm not asking for much.
Hook me up with some of that French toast you be makin'.
When you have it stacked up.
And just laying on the side, the strawberries.
VEDA: I've never made any French toast.
You have me confused with Sydney again.
Uh, ha, ha. Check it out. You know what happened?
Let me tell you. I was trippin'. I made a mistake.
See, what had happened was, that was Play.
Okay? And he had gone to France,
right, with his girl,
and at one point they made a toast.
So it was a French toast.
Don't even try it, Kid.
People do not toast with malt liquor,
and that is all I have ever seen Play drink.
You're busted.
What's up with you?
When we started going out,
you promised me we could make demo.
A demo? Come on, baby, I can do better than that.
I'm hooking you up with one of the largest promoters ever,
a brother by the name of Showboat.
I'm gettin' with him this morning.
Yeah, right.
That's right.
And, um, I hope when we give you that call,
that surprise call, that you're ready.
I sure hope Kid's cousins have bus fare.
Oh, Janelle is throwing me a little party Friday night.
Nothing big. Just a few of the girls.
Perhaps some wine.
A male stripper.
Well, have a good time.
Let me know what went down with that, all right?
VEDA: Okey-dokey.
Yes, darling?
Did you male dancer?
No. I said stripper.
Wh--? Oh, my bad. Stripper.
Janelle got some guy named Night Heat.
Night Heat?
Night Heat.
She thought the girls would get a kick out of it.
Can I kick Janelle?
No, you can't.
In the organ of my choice, repeatedly?
No, you can't, because she will kick back.
I can't have you two kicking each other.
See you later.
Johnny Booze, what's up? Yeah, it's Playtime.
We got to make this brief, 'cause I'm calling from the car.
Yeah, my boy, his bachelor party.
That's right. Of course I got the dough.
Yo, just get a pen out, man.
Friday night at the Densmore Hotel.
That's right. Now, who you got?
Angina Williams?
Angina-- Angina Williams? Yo, ain't that the girl
that does the disappearing act with the beer bottles?
Bet. Perfect for Kid.
Yo, good lookin' out, man. Don't let me down.
All right cool. Peace out, black.
Yo, Angina Williams, man. Tell me something.
How did your fowl ass pull some move like that?
I keep trying to tell you and Kid. It's the American way.
BOY: Excuse me, sir.
Yes, can I help you?
Sir, we just flew in from Detroit
to perform in front of some senior citizens,
and all our luggage is gone.
Our show clothes.
My CD player.
George? Who's George?
You know. George.
His teddy bear.
CLERK: Oh, your teddy bear.
Gee, I'm so sorry, but I know how it feels.
My Slinky died two years ago.
I still wake up crying.
This is an insurance form.
You know how to fill it out, don't you?
You write down "Socks, $50,000."
And you were carrying a car in your suitcase.
May God bless you.
Oh, and God bless you too.
Sorry about the eye. Did you lose that also?
Yo, yo, yo, slow down. Pull over here.
What for?
Just pull over. We got to get our luggage, fool.
Yo, I thought they lost your luggage.
Nah, stupid. You think we dumb enough to lose our luggage?
We were just trying to make some more vacation money.
You know, to bring some girls to Hawaii.
Do you know what you punks did is against the law?
You could end up in juvie hall.
That's the first stop to the big house.
Know what they do to boys in the big house?
Make little girls out of them.
When we get there, we'll say hello to your low-life friends.
Take us to Capital Records, MCA, Motown and Virgin Records,
to let everybody know that Immature is in the house.
The only house you're gonna be in
is the house you'll be in all summer on punishment.
You ain't cuttin' up like you did last summer,
you understand me?
Yo, watch the finish.
Watch the finish.
Yo, yo, yo, yo. The wild bunch is here.
Yo, what's up fellas? What's going on?
What's up, man?
All right.
LUCY: Well, well, well.
Hello, Aunt Lucy. What's up, Veda?
Aunt Lucy, these are your brother Petey's grandchildren.
If you say so.
Honey, your pants are too big,
but Aunt Lucy gonna take care of that.
Play and Stinky, I brought some lunch. It's on the table.
BOTH: Oh, word.
That's what I'm talking about. And I hope everybody ate,
'cause I ain't saving a damn thing.
Fellas, I want you to meet my fiance Veda.
Hi guys. Oh, you're so cute.
Look at your little dreads.
I don't which one of you is the cutest.
You pretty cute yourself too.
Damn, Kid, I didn't know you had it going on like this.
She is fine.
Hey, Kid, what happened to that big booty girl?
The one you went to college with.
Ooh, look at the time.
We have a meeting today that we're late for.
We have a meeting, so we have to go.
And we're late. Uh, Play, Stinky. Play.
You know, the big booty girl. I think her name was Sydney.
Play, Stinky, we got a meeting. Come on, let's roll.
Well, what's with all these worms in your head, boy?
I hope you left some food for the little ones.
Of course, we did, Aunt Lucy. Of course, we did.
Now, well, of course, I did.
Now, Veda said you could have something to eat.
She didn't say go and eat up all that Chinese food.
It was fried chicken, Aunt Lucy.
Hush your mouth.
Chinese people don't eat fried chicken.
Kid, I'm telling you right now,
we're going sell Sex As A Weapon to Showboat.
Wait a minute, we haven't even signed them yet.
I thought we were having this meeting to find out
if he was even interested.
Come on, Kid, you know I got the skills, man.
We're gonna get the girls to sign.
We gonna sell them to Showboat. It's the American way.
Selling what you don't own. I do it all the time.
This could backfire, man. This could backfire big time.
Play, don't you know what you're doing is against the law?
Keep it up, and you'll end up in the joint,
in the cell next to ours.
Just once.
Come on, just once, man.
Let me just hit him once, you know?
Okay, have a seat, guys. Have a seat.
Look, now, we're here on business, all right?
I want you to act like you got some home training.
Tsk, man, we know how to act in public.
All right, I don't wanna have to hurt you.
SHOWBOAT: No, I told you I'm not hearing that.
Look, I'll come over there and slap your mouth.
You better get my money. I'm not playing, boy.
Get my money. Get it now.
PLAY: Showboat, what's up?
Hey, hey, fellas. Fellas.
Let's make some money. Talk to me quick.
Uh, Showboat...
Hey, yo, move that shit off the table.
Thanks, slice. Go ahead.
Uh, Showboat, we really wanna work with you.
We have what we believe to be a solid business proposition
that'll prove to be lucrative for all parties involved.
Well, I like it so far.
You know that girl group Sex As A Weapon, right?
Oh, them girls are on, slice.
Well, it just so happens we signed them
into an exclusive contract yesterday, man.
And, um, we wanna go on tour.
And we wanna do business with you.
You know, I got a 12 city tour of the Chitlin Circuit.
Uh, we about to start right now.
And you know, a group like Sex As A Weapon
could set that baby on fire.
Give me three G's, and we got a deal.
Wait. Why do I need to go through you?
I'm the man.
Shit, Play, you ain't nothing but a sucker MC.
And Kid, your jelly ain't shit.
Stinky, well, I think the names speaks for itself.
Yo, my name ain't Stinky, it's James.
Getting all excited.
You don't seem to understand, Sex As A Weapon ain't doing jack
without our say so.
Uh, uh, what he means to say, Showboat,
is that, uh, they respect our opinions with regard
to their career moves.
Yo, Kid, cut all that bullshit out, man.
You obviously don't know who you dealing with.
How you work this thing?
I know who I'm dealing with, and it better be local.
Yeah, this is Play. Uh...
Say hello to the man himself, Showboat.
Showboat, I can't believe it's for real.
Yeah, shit's unbelievable, baby. I know. Go ahead. Go ahead.
PLAY: Uh, we talking about a 12 city tour, sweetheart.
And, um, all you got to do is say yes,
and Play will take care of the rest.
There it is.
Um, you know what? I'll bring home the condoms...
I'm sorry, I'll bring home the contracts tonight, baby.
Keep it clean.
Hook them up, Ms. Pain.
Hook me up.
Uh, aren't there a few things we should discuss
before we start taking Showboat's money?
PLAY: What are you talking--?
Kid, ain't nothing but a G thing, baby.
We all adults here. Showboat trust us.
He's a businessman. We are businessmen's.
Ah, you are a silly motherfucker.
Showboat don't trust shit.
No, no, no, my daddy always said
don't trust nobody but your mama and then cut the deck.
Fuck that. Make sure you do what you say you gonna do.
You got my money, boy.
Oh, oh, oh. One more thing.
Go have a good time.
But look, look, whatever you do,
you can talk about my mama, steal my car, take my jewelry,
but don't mess with my money.
Oh, when you do that, you done...
Then you messin' with the wrong G.
The wrong G.
Now, um, here's the list of those 12 cities we talked about.
Uh, make sure you have those girls
sign that contract by tomorrow.
And until then, heh, let's make some money.
It was just really nice this morning, you know.
Kid had his reunion with his little cousins.
And they are three of the cutest little boys
you ever want to see, until one of them asked Kid
what happened to the big booty girl
he used to date in college.
Oh, no, he didn't.
Oh, yes, he did.
Was he talking about Sydney?
Don't say that "S" word.
Oh. Not with this day I've been having.
Not only that.
Kid kept going on about how good my French toast is.
But you don't like French toast.
Veda, you're my baby cousin, and I love you.
But if you're having second thoughts about this,
then maybe you ought to keep on thinking.
You're more than welcome to continue living with me.
I love having you.
No, if Kid were not ready,
he would not have saved for our condo.
Bought me this ring. He could have a car.
Janelle, I am wearing the man's car.
He announced our engagement, not me.
He never got this far with Sydney.
Yeah, that's because Sydney had some sense.
Okay, guys. Guys, guys, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Calm your nerves. Have a seat. Have a seat.
All right? Just sit down and do whatever Stinky tells you.
You sit down too.
I keep telling you I ain't no babysitter for these kids.
I need to be trying to impress them girls.
Play, take me with you, man.
They look at me, they'll sign that contract.
Stinky, do me a favor. Either wash your ass
or sit the hell down and shut up.
KID: Please.
Hi, Kid.
Hi, Kid.
Uh, I mean, hi, ladies.
Know what? We need to talk in a better business atmosphere.
So why don't we kick it in the ball with some drinks?
Our treat.
Right this way. Right this way.
Ooh, this is what I'm talking about.
Getting down to the real nitty-gritty.
Some business.
Some ballistics, y'all.
He's right.
Real business.
Business minds. Big money.
Business. Kid.
Oh. I'm sorry.
You got to excuse my friend, he's zoning out.
This weekend, he's getting married.
And, um, you know, we're planning
a big bachelor party for him on Friday.
You know what?
Why don't you come down and help me change his mind?
Well, anyway, for starters, uh, let's get some drinks.
That's French, you know? Heh.
MAN: Can I take your drink order?
Um, I'd like a Slow Screw Against the Wall.
Ooh. I'll have a Sex on the Beach.
You know what? I can take care of these orders myself.
Beat it, Benson.
Oh, before you go, uh,
we'll have two tap waters with ice.
Domestic with a twist.
Aw, yeah
Immature's in the house
Ready to tear it up
With the help Of the boys and the band
We gonna kick a little something like
Something like this
Three small brothers You might call pint sized
Kickin' the rhythm Down before your eyes
Don, Jerome And my name is Marcus
Steppin' to the stage You know we gonna spark this
Microphone 'Cause the heat is on
We generated quite a bit of heat with your demo.
Frankly, we're very confident
that we can get you a label deal.
We want you to sign with us.
Yo, cut the bull.
Sign with us, pow, 12-city tour,
that's the way we roll.
And there it is.
A twelve-city tour for real?
PLAY: That's right.
Hold up.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
A twelve-city tour just might be all right
if we go to places like Montreal,
New York, D.C., okay?
That's what I'm talking about.
BOTH: Say what? Say huh?
I like that.
Ah, heh, well, here's the itinerary, heh.
All right. Now.
Bugtussle, Oklahoma?
Stand Back, Alabama?
Nigger keep running, Mississippi?
Not even...
Hold up.
Hold up.
Y'all niggers ain't gonna play us like that.
You all know we roll like filet mignon.
And you all trying to play us out like some soybean burgers.
Brah. We have better things to do.
Who's she calling?
WOMAN: This is Collette, mm-hm. Sex As A Weapon.
Yes, we're ready to do business.
You know what, guys, um,
I think it's fair to let y'all know
we been meeting with Coldblood management and--
Coldblood? He's a crook.
That punk will rob you for all the loot you make.
Straight up and down, on the reals.
WOMAN: I don't know what y'all talking about.
He said that he would get us a Mustang 5.0.
What did you say?
COLETTE: Cinco pointo zero.
Okay, uh, for starters we could hook you up
with a budget for your wardrobe.
For your wardrobe, for your first tour.
Coldblood said he'd give us our own fashion designer.
That's all you want? We got the best in the west.
We're talking Aunt Lucy's Fashions.
Funky freestylin' That's with 3D
Run home and tell All your friends what we did
Mixing hip-hop With this thing called jazz
Simply put You can kiss my
Ask me no questions I tell you no lies
That's how this thing goes Kicking it with the lingo
Crispy like a Pringle
He already guaranteed us 4.34 percent
of the venue gross receipts based on generally accepted
industry account practices.
We anticipated that you could at least give us 4.5 percent.
You know what I'm saying?
To fatten the pockets and put the cash in my hand.
Sound good to me.
PLAY: That might not be a problem.
Wait, wait. Okay. All right, um, all right.
If Coldblood's gonna go there,
perhaps we can adjust these figures
so that we're looking at...
Uh, wait, wait, wait a minute. Okay.
Perhaps we can, uh, perhaps we can, um...
Wait, wait, we changed the figures
to reduce some of our overhead.
Uh, flip it. Uh, carry the three.
And then we're looking at...
Hell no.
Wait, wait, wait, all right. Hold up a second.
All right. How about this? We give you Play's cut,
so that we're looking at--
You're buggin'. Check this out. It's gonna be a G per show.
We'll take care of all the hotel and the travel arrangements.
That's as fair as it get. I'm putting my foot down.
Well, ladies, lookie here.
BOTH [IN UNISON]: Lookie here, lookie here.
Looks like Coldblood's deal
is a little bit better than this one.
And when you all become big-time and can beat that 5.0.
Give us a call.
You know what? It's too bad too
because I was just about to make me a new friend.
Sorry for you.
Wait a minute. We can work this out.
Yo, hey, hey, yo.
See you, bye.
Damn, man, we almost had them, man.
Aunt Lucy's Fashions?
We're just here to give A kick in the booty
So feel free To make a contribution
That's right, you heard the kids.
We available for children's parties, Bar Mitzvahs,
sweet sixteen's, weddings, anything.
Just put some money in the hat. It's for the kids.
Come on, man, do something for the kids, huh?
Heal the world. You know what I'm saying?
Just for the kids, you know?
Hey, who put a food stamp in the hat?
MAN [ON PHONE]: Hey, Yo, what up?
This is Ex-Con Caterer where we do chicken right.
You know, something like the warden used to,
whether you like it or not.
I remember, one time I was in jail,
I didn't eat the food, they locked me in the hole.
Six weeks down there wondering why.
Nobody came to visit. No phone calls.
No nothing. I'm just down there storming
because I didn't eat the damn food.
I ain't got to eat the food the warden give me.
Chill out. We got the pardon. We free.
Chill out.
Hey, who the hell is this?
Oh, how you doing, mama?
What you want? 200 pounds of chilies
for Saturday night.
You got it. No problem.
Oh, look, what the fuck we got here.
Three mark-ass nappers.
Fuck all that. what's up with my order for Friday, huh?
It depends on what your bitch ass get.
What the fuck you want, some chilies,
some cheese, spam, tuna, some tomatoes?
What the fuck you want?
Look out. Look out, punk.
Come on in, Big Dukey.
Big Dukey?
Yo, man, it's obvious this ain't no Benihana's.
Know what I'm saying? Man, this is all we want.
Some chicken wings, hot dogs and a case of 40s. Got that?
First of all, you need to calm the fuck down
and go gargle, funky.
Man, my name is Stinky. Stinky, all right?
Stinky, funky, smell bad, it's all the same.
Fuck all that, nigga, your name is Funky
because you come up in here smelling like butt crack.
Yo, squash all that. The food better be on.
You hear what I'm saying?
Look at this nigga, Mr. Bowler, Mr. High Roller,
Mr. Flashing Fucking Money.
Since you got it like that, punk, pay a nigga now.
You got my food now?
Or maybe do you have my food now?
That's what I'm saying.
Dumb shit.
Let me tell you something.
You don't come in making no goddamn demands.
We will fuck around your punk ass on the grill.
Straight make some barbecued bitch.
No, bake all three punk asses, make three-bitch pie now.
Why don't we just give them all the money now?
Yo, forget that, Kid, man.
The original deal was a deposit.
I refused to be intimidated by these three losers.
That's bullshit, man. It's just bullshit.
Especially some midget like you, hairy bastard.
Kick it, cuz.
Look here, motherfucker,
I'll kick you in your nuts and make your jaw swell.
You think you want more, you punk-ass, niggers, huh?
Just give them the money.
No, Kid.
Look, okay.
Just have the food there. Thank you.
Yo, the food better be on.
Your sister better be on.
Your mother's on.
Your grandmama's straight on.
PLAY: Check this out.
After this tour you two are gonna be the bomb.
You're gonna blow up.
Trust me. Trust me.
Now you're gonna remember to listen
to that tape I gave you, right?
Of course, I listen to anything worth holding onto,
and believe me you two definitely got something
I got to get my hands on. Word up, you know?
Talent scouting again, huh, heh.
Play, you workaholic.
Know what? I gotta take care of something real quick.
I'll get right back at you. We're gonna get into this.
We're gonna get into this.
Janelle, what's up, sweetheart?
Tell me something, Play.
Doesn't it ever bother you?
Misleading women the way you do.
Misleading women?
Janelle, they are a group.
I am a manager.
In the entertainment business, they work together.
I'm working with them.
Come on, now, you know my style.
And helping yourself to some while you're at it, right?
You coming off like they're supposed to be helpless females.
I mean, let's think about it here,
has it occurred to you that perhaps they're enjoying this
just as much as I am? Ever thought about that?
Yeah, I have, and it frightens me.
Look, the sooner we get this started,
the sooner I can get out of here.
Now, did you reserve the tuxes for the ushers?
Yes, I reserved the tuxes for the ushers
and I'm gonna pay for them too.
That's the least you could do. The bride pays for everything.
And it'll be the last thing she pays for.
After that ring is on her finger,
that's her carte blanche to do what she pleases.
While my man's breaking his back,
because she turns to the gimme gimme girl.
I knew you was primitive,
but I didn't think you was a pure caveman.
I guess it goes down like that with those gold-digging,
hoochie-mama, gut bucket skeezas you attract,
but tell me something, what do you really have to offer?
I mean, really?
Well, it just so happens that what I have to offer
might be more than you can handle, Janelle.
And when you are ready to become a full-fledged woman,
why don't you give me a call?
Baby, I'm full, I'm fledged,
and I'm all woman,
but I need more than a snack.
I need a whole meal.
Janelle, sweetheart,
woman, I'll have you talking in tongues.
I gotta go.
I'll bet you do.
You done lost your mind.
And uh, speaking of tongues,
like I said, you two are gonna be big.
Man, I ain't got no money.
I got to get the millionaire's fund.
Come on, multiplatinum.
Oh, multiplatinum, baby, I'll be rich.
Oh, you'll be paid today.
Pay him up.
You pay him up, punk.
Everybody pay me up. Come on. Both of you pay.
What's up, guys? What's going on?
What's up, cousin Kid?
What kind of game is that?
The music biz.
The music biz.
This one's a concert promoter.
Yeah, this beautiful woman right here is,
Mm-mm, unh.
is a groupie.
See, Kid, we're ready.
We got the game down.
Now it's about getting paid big-time.
You know real money.
KID: Look, it's not easy, okay?
I've been in the music business four years now
and it doesn't get any easier.
It's very difficult.
And you have to work really hard.
Don't worry, Kid. We're smart.
We see how to do it wrong by watching you and Play.
Y'all some good teachers.
Hey, boy!
KID: Uncle Vester.
Aunt Lucy.
Look at that woman there.
Lord have mercy.
Oh, Vester, heh, it's so good to see you, ha, ha.
Come here, woman.
I'm over here.
How you doing?
You still crazy as a betsy bug,
and looking good too, woman.
Like a sandwich. What's up, Kid?
You're the yellow version of your pappy.
Aunt Lucy... Mm.
Boy, I miss your father.
KID: So do I.
Damn. I wish he was here.
Me too, Uncle Vester.
Besides, he owe me a $150.
Uncle Vester, do you remember me?
Do I remember you? Let me tell you.
Last time, boy, I saw you, you was his size,
and last time, boy, I saw you,
you was his size, and last time I saw you,
there was doo-doo in your drawers.
Hey, man, you just got here,
don't be sweating me like that.
VESTER: Sweating.
I ain't began to sweat you.
First thing tomorrow, we're going down to Elmo's barbershop
and cut that Jamaican voodoo stuff off of your head.
You better regulate your uncle before I bust a cap in his butt.
What you say to me?
What you say to me, boy? Let me tell you something.
I said Uncle Vester cool like that.
That's what I thought you said, heh.
That's what I thought you said.
You right. Aunt Lucy, heh, I bought you something.
You know I can't come
without bringing you anything.
You didn't.
Hey, my favorite auntie, heh, yeah.
Ha, ha, you know I did. Look here. This is for you.
Oh, Vester.
Heh, ha, ha.
Isn't that beautiful?
If lost, please return to 1637 Blast Ave., Los Angeles.
Sit down.
Okay, look, all right. All right.
I think it's about that time, guys.
Let's go to bed, and we'll play tomorrow.
I'll take them upstairs, come on.
Where's the stairs, honey?
The stairs are right where they've always been.
Doggone right.
Ten o'clock. Supposed to be in bed any doggone way.
Only my Kool-Aid don't know the flavor.
Ain't my business.
So, boy, you're getting married, man.
So tell me about your financee. Is she pretty?
Oh, my fiance?
KID: Ooh, oh, she's very pretty.
Can she cook?
Oh, yes, she can cook.
You, you don't have... She ain't knocked up, is she?
No, no.
Good. Good.
Well, you got Uncle Vester's blessings.
Uncle Vester gonna go upstairs. I'm kind of tired.
Uncle Vester, before you go, I wanted to ask you something.
What you need, son?
Well, see, my girl and I,
we get along fine.
But I'm just having a little problem
getting her parents to like me.
Why get 'em to like you for? Boy, just be yourself.
If people don't like you if you're being yourself,
fuck them.
Let me tell you something.
I just got a girl when I was about your age.
I always tried to please her pappy all the time,
went out of my way to please her pappy.
I come in one day, I said, "Nice weather we have,"
and he said, "You can't say that.
You can't say that. It might rain."
I said, "Nice tie you got on."
He said you can't say that. My wife tried to choke me with.
The point I'm trying to tell you, son, is be yourself.
People don't like being yourself, fuck them!
Fuck them up against the wall
with handcuffs on and Krazy Glue on their lips.
That's all you do.
Words to live by.
Live by them, son.
Um, I'm gonna go to the club now, uh, Uncle Vester,
and just go.
VESTER: You go on and enjoy yourself, boy.
You're about to sell your soul in a couple of days.
Brother, you did a good job.
It's a good kid.
Always been a good kid.
That's why I call him Kid, heh.
Boy just need some goddamn fun
like Casper the friendly ghost.
Scared the hell out of me when I came here.
I pick up the microphone Like a slip of Cincy
Rhythm is so we can roll We got it goin' on, G
Word to the mama You concur and agree
So come select With some versatility
PLAY: What's up, Black?
Party's in the house.
What's up, Black? What's up, my queen?
Yo, Kid, R.A.S. Posse is working it, man.
Who needs Sex As A Weapon, man?
Come on, think about it, we got enough dope groups.
WOMAN: Hey, Kid.
I hear you're getting married. Too bad.
Oh, no, no. He's not married yet.
He hasn't jumped the broomstick yet.
She's intense.
Uh-uh, thanks, but no, thanks, Maxine.
I'm already taken.
But if you change your mind,
call me.
Yo, man, you done crossed over, man.
Any natural man would've waxed that ass, man.
You and this Veda thing, all she is going to do is
ask you to jump, and you going to go, "How high?"
Look, don't you get it? I love Veda, okay?
I'm getting married to her.
I'm just trying to go into the situation right, thank you.
Yo, Kid, you've changed, man.
I just hope after you get married we can still...
Tsk, oh, man.
Yo, man, where's the fruit basket?
Right there, King.
Oh, yeah. I fucked her.
MAN: Oh, man, you know you ain't seen no part of that ass.
Let me check it out. Let me check it out.
No ass!
Come in.
Yo. You guys were dope, man.
Yo, you all blew up. You, did you see that crowd?
We didn't see shit.
Oh, uh, sorry.
I guess you heard them, at least.
Yo, we got a big show next week.
What's up? You all ready?
Yo, man, that kid Coldblood jerked us again, man.
Yo, I'm telling we should've got the dough up front.
Now we're short.
Well, somebody better pay us some money up in here
or there's gonna be some ass whooping.
Yeah. I got your back, MC Cataract.
Wait a minute. We ain't got to go there, man.
Just put the gun down. Calm down.
You need to kill that noise. We gonna tighten you up
with a little something, man.
Oh. Oh, no, no. This is the wrong president.
Come on, man.
Here, you guys.
Sorry for the inconvenience.
Heh. Ben Franklin. Ha, ha.
I'm with it. Yeah, ha-ha-ha.
It's not wise to mess with three brothers with big sticks.
Now, let's go find some of those honeys.
Yeah, man, we're going to get--
This way, baby.
Oh, yeah. Over there. Oy, 119th and Avalon.
Oh, let's go.
That's where they are.
Where the girls?
Hey, take this.
Oh, I got it. I got it.
Oh, yeah.
Yo, come on. Let's go.
No, no, no, I ain't going nowhere
till these brothers are off the streets, man. Word up.
Oh-ho, let's go get those honeys.
CATARACT: Woo-hoo. Yeah.
MAN: Ha-ha-ha.
Yo, Play, man, I've been thinking.
We've been at this music thing for a while now, man,
and we still ain't got two nickels to rub together.
Veda's parents have been stressing me, man,
stressed me about getting a real--
Oh, don't say that.
Don't say the "J" word. Don't say that "J" word, man.
I'm gonna say it. Job, motherfucker, job.
And maybe they're right. I mean, it's not like
I can just think about myself anymore.
I'm gonna have a wife soon.
She got a job too, don't she?
Come on, man, we got to put this back in perspective, man.
I mean, you know, come on, think about it.
Look out there. What do you see?
A wino sleeping in his own vomit?
Not that, man. I mean, look out there, man,
we in the land of LA, man, Hollywood, man,
where dreams come true.
They just don't come true like that.
There's hard work and perseverance, man.
Am I just going crazy? Didn't we have a dream?
Yeah, I remember.
But look, I'm getting older now.
Would you believe I've even thought about cutting my hair?
Oh, this is more serious than I thought.
It gets worse. The other day I went out
shopping to buy some gear. I almost bought a tie.
Wait. You're making me nauseous now.
Yo, man, I know we've been through a lot,
I don't always come through,
but this one I feel real good about, man.
Just give me a little time on this one, man.
You know what? I'll make a deal with you.
Straight up and down.
If I don't come through with Sex As A Weapon,
I'll go get a haircut with you and I'll get matching ties.
You serious?
Isn't this food wonderful?
It sure is, Aunt Lucy.
It's fit for a King. Come here, King!
Come here, boy. Ha-ha-ha.
Oh, I thought King was dead.
Ugh. My pancakes is black.
Ugh, so is my eggs.
It's Cajun style.
If this is Cajun, I'm Caucasian.
The boys are right. This food is awful.
Cajun is an acquired taste.
That's why didn't nobody order it.
KID 1: What about breakfast?
Yeah, I'm hungry.
KID 2: Oh, yeah.
There. Breakfast. It's the best I can do.
Look, if I don't get out here and get to my meeting,
I'm not gonna get paid.
I got to get out of here too. I got me a date.
You do? And who's the lucky lady?
The chef at Rollo's Chicken 'n' Grits House.
I'm hungrier than a horse. I'm getting out of here.
So, Kid, you're going to let us bust
our little rap at your bachelor party?
Yeah, Kid. You know that's why we're here.
See, we look at it, is the party gonna be
filled with big-booty girls, honeys, tenders, you know?
KID: Hello? Hello? Look.
Fellas, there are not gonna be any honeys at the party.
Just the fellas. Just the fellas.
So get it out of your head.
Just calm down, relax
and get ready for the wedding. Okay?
See, I told you Kid 'n Play are played out, man.
Just like this food. We out of here, man.
No, no, wait a minute. Sit down. Wait.
Boys, boys, come back here and eat this food.
Don't you want to grow tall?
Get them, Aunt Lucy.
Hit them in the throat with the stick.
Bust their head! I hate them. You know, Aunt Lucy, man.
She still thinks Sammy Davis is sleeping in the guest room.
You know, she's a couple of salads away from a picnic.
Look, I'm proud of you, boy.
I'm proud of what you did with the youngsters.
You sat there and you told them kids, man,
that there won't be any women at that bachelor party.
I'm proud of you.
But I know there's gonna be a few women
at that bachelor party.
Look, Veda is the only woman for me.
I'm trying to go into this marriage right.
No women.
Boy, nobody is talking about no women for you.
I'm talking about some women for me. What's wrong with you?
Ah, look, I'm sorry. Look, uncle--
I'm sorry for you. Go on.
Uncle Vester, I gotta go.
Boy, you had to go on and get a white woman,
now you're gonna wreck this man.
The boy ain't worth two day of flash mess.
You know, Uncle Kid is dissing us, man.
Who you're telling? He won't even listen to our demo.
Yeah, he won't even let us go the bachelor party.
Eh, yo, yo, Jerome. Peep this out, dude.
JEROME: Hey, we definitely got to get with them.
So here on in, we're doing our own thing.
Hey, baby, you dropped something.
Your conversation.
So let's pick it up right here.
Pfft, give me a break.
Why you all dressed like twins?
GIRL 1: We go to private school, fetus face.
Oh, we go to Detroit Public School.
Now how did I know that?
Listen, we're staying at that house over across the street.
Sixteen thirty seven, Blast Ave.
Friday night we got the crib to ourselves. Heh.
And we were just thinking about having a little party.
A serious throw down,
Hey, bring your messed butt over here!
Before I have to kill somebody.
Every summer I have to kill somebody.
I'm tired of killing folks every summertime.
Excuse me.
I got a certified letter for Mr. Marques James.
Oh, that's me.
Just sign right there.
Oh, yeah, lost luggage check.
We're gonna party now!
Ha, ha.
We're having a party Friday night.
Why don't you come. And oh yeah, wear that uniform.
Heh, yeah, because I like girls with jobs and benefits, hmm.
Now, why would I wanna come to a party
given by some little boys?
So I can show you how deep love can get.
And, oh, yeah, it can get deep.
Aren't you all cute. Ha-ha-ha.
BOY 1: Where you going, cutie? Come back over here.
You want some candy?
Let's go, yeah?
Open it up, man.
VESTER: Close that goddamn door!
Air condition the whole neighborhood!
Open it up.
Oh, God.
Oh, my God. Heh.
Three thousand dollars.
Oh, it's probably the mailman.
We'll get it.
What's up, man?
What's up?
What's up?
Uh, where's Kid and Play?
They ain't here.
They ain't here?
Where the hell are they at?
Look, man, we had a meeting here.
I ain't got time to wait. I got to pick up money over here,
pick up money over here,
and I came to pick money right here.
Look here. You tell them when they get here
Johnny Booze stopped by to pick up the money
for the Angina Williams, okay?
That's the stripper for the bachelor party.
Oh, yeah.
They told me that you'll be stopping by
and to pay you if you can pop this check.
Oh, let me see that. Let me see that.
Money first.
Wait. I got money.
Don't play me like I ain't. I handle mine.
Check it out. Wait, man. I got more,
I got more right here. Wait.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Oh.
Okay, all right. All right, ooh, shit.
All right. Here we go. Right here.
Same time, bro. I don't know you, man.
Same time. I don't know you. Okay. Same time.
Give me the check.
Now you know the party is gonna be here
instead of hotel, right?
Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Okay.
You tell Play
Angina gonna be here Friday night, all right?
And look, you tell them I need the rest of my money.
I owe people.
A Couple of my girls got killed in a car wreck.
I need the money.
We know.
Shut up.
Yo, that's the dancer that Janelle hired
for Veda's party. Yo, pull over, man.
I wanna peep this guy.
I can't let any old muscle bound
booty shaking chump dancing at my baby's party.
Come on.
Come on, Kid, be for real, man.
We got a lot to do, man.
We got three days to the wedding. Three days, man.
We got no time to be worried about, heh, the competition.
You know, Kid, man, dog, I don't mean no harm, man.
Your shit's over, man. Do you know who Night Heat is?
That's Henry Charles. Think.
I went to high school with him, man.
The boy is large. Took showers with him, man.
His shit is huge. He must be from Africa.
He said it's huge, man.
Wait a minute. You checking out his jimmy?
Look, Play,
Your cousin needs some serious counseling.
There's no question about that.
But seriously, sisters be sweating that brother,
sweating him something awful.
I'm telling you, he drives the honeys crazy.
Look at that line. Look at all those girls.
And guys in the line too. You know how big it is.
Yo man, the wedding might be off
when Veda peeps a peek at the pole that brother's packing.
Try and say that three times.
Janelle, you're my maid of honor, right?
Then why don't you have your little butt over here
helping me figure out who I'm gonna sit next to who?
Whoa, Veda.
This says that 50 percent
of all marriages end in divorce.
And after only three years of marriage
couples have sex once a week.
Once a week.
And when they do, they don't even like it.
Did you know, Janelle--
That ever since Kid and I announced our engagement,
well, you've changed.
I've changed?
You've changed.
I've changed?
You've changed.
I've changed?
you have really been dogging Kid out lately.
Because he is a dog.
He is not a dog.
He is a man. The man that I'm going to marry.
Thank you.
Well, I know Play.
And Play is 100 percent all dog.
Atomic dog. Mighty dog.
Underdog. Deputy Dog.
Snoop Dogg. And dog dog.
And everybody knows that Kid and Play are like this.
Dogs of a feather.
Veda, girl, you look like you just saw a ghost.
I did. It's Sydney.
Hi, Veda.
Heh, hi, Sydney.
I was in the neighborhood and I decided to stop in
and browse and, um,
tsk, really congratulate you
on your wedding.
Heh, thanks. Heh, thanks a lot.
Um, this is my cousin and business partner, Janelle.
Hi, nice to meet you.
JANELLE: Same here.
You guys have a lot nice things in here.
VEDA: Thank you.
I guess I have to buy something then.
You know what?
Those earrings we got in last week.
They have Sydney written all over them.
Let's see the Sydney earrings.
Ha, ha.
Heh, good.
That's a bad suit.
Thank you.
Oh, those are cute. I like those.
Could you, uh, put those in a box for me, please?
Sure will.
Veda, you know, I'm really glad
Kid found someone to love.
He had a really hard time after we broke up.
It seems like his management company
is doing really well
and you have a beautiful shop here.
I'm glad you guys are happy. I really am.
Could you give him my best, please?
I sure will. And, um...
I wish you all the best in DC and
good luck and success and all that stuff.
And wear these in good health.
I will. I'll do that.
Take that with you. Heh
You take care of yourself.
All right? Bye bye.
All right. Thanks, Sydney.
Wow, heh, I was wrong about her.
She really was nice.
And her booty wasn't that big.
It's cute.
Who are you?
It's me, Aunt Lucy, Veda.
You just let me in, heh five minutes ago.
Yeah, I'm taking some of Kid's stuff over to our condo.
It's Veda. Kid's fiance.
Nobody tells me anything.
Damn, this is heavy.
Stinky. Stinky. Stinky.
Come on, help us out.
I was playing.
Let me--
Take this.
I can't believe your cousin is that lazy, Play.
I ain't lazy, man.
Open the door. This stuff is heavy.
PLAY: Hard to believe he's my cousin.
STINKY: You won't. Come on.
Oh, he's your cousin, all right.
I can deal with this.
This I can deal with.
Since the word got out I'm getting married,
you wouldn't believe the play I'm getting from the ladies.
Women that wouldn't talk to me before.
I don't understand it.
PLAY: At least act like you know, man.
Women, that's just how they're livin'.
Word, Play is right man. Women are just like cats.
Finicky. When they want you, they want you.
When you got a girl, that's when they want you.
Oh, Stinky, what the hell are you talking about?
Yeah, Stinky, since when did you become an expert on women?
All you date are fat girls.
See, that's where you're wrong.
I don't date just fat girls.
I date skinny girls on the verge of being fat,
fat girls on the verge of being obese.
Matter of fact, I'm dating your sister.
What's she, 380? I'm taking her
to the slaughterhouse to eat tonight.
That was unnecessary.
It was, I admit.
But why crush a guy's ego? Y'all think you're all that.
You think you some kind of Dark Gable or something, man.
PLAY: Well, suppose I am.
Well, suppose you ain't.
You know I'll pick up your roster,
and I'm dating one of your girls tonight.
You recognize 555-12-37?
Give me my beeper, fool.
What was up with you and Maxine last night, man?
She was like all up in your grill.
That girl is the bomb.
Heh. Yo.
You said that right.
That girl has the fattest rump shake. I can't front.
PLAY: I would've waxed that ass, man.
I mean, you got a couple of days.
And I was gonna save it as surprise.
But through reliable sources, through to grapevine,
Sydney's back in town.
And I know you wanna wax that butt one more time.
One more time. Just tear it up.
Just tear it up, man.
STINKY: Hey, yo Kid, man, if you need my crib for anything
to get away from Veda or to get hold of Sydney,
hey man, just call me, it's yours.
Look, guys, for the last time, Sydney is yesterday's news.
I'm committed to Veda. Okay? Let's go.
You going out. Next thing you know,
you'll be watching Oprah butt naked
eating bon-bons with Veda.
Ooh, I know you gonna look good
because you know you got it going on.
Just too bad you getting married.
I told you.
Now let's get just started.
You still shop at the little boy's shop.
Don't you? Ha, ha.
You laugh now that I got a body of a little boy, right?
But you know what, I got the power of ten men.
You know what I'm saying.
PLAY: Tell her, cuz.
With them two big donuts you got right there,
you can feed a starving child in Somalia for a whole month.
Can I have one?
Please. Your mouth don't open that big.
Besides, little man, I'd use you like dental floss
and then I would throw you away.
Ooh. That's all right.
But nine out of ten dentists recommend me.
So, what's up? Let me clean them teeth.
Please. Let me measure a real man.
Hey, check it out.
Kid's bachelor party is Friday night
at the Densmore Hotel. How about you come on down
and bring your two friends with you?
I'll put them on the guest list.
Hey, don't go there.
Just how much are we paying for these tuxes?
Hey, we ain't gotta go there either.
I got this covered.
Ho, ho, motherfucker, the Showboat is back in town.
You can't bring them animals in here.
Do you have a leash for her?
I got a funny feeling.
A real funny feeling that you all took my money
and used it for his bachelor party.
Check this out.
SHOWBOAT: Let me tell you something.
If I don't get that contract right now,
Ol' Cujo here is going to give you three new assholes.
PLAY: Uh, Showboat, come on, man.
We're supposed to be boys, man.
I mean, I'm-a do good by the contract.
You know that. Hey, man, two days.
Trust me.
I told you, the Boat don't trust shit!
Eat them, Cujo. get them!
WOMAN: Hey, hey! not in here!
SHOWBOAT: You can run, but you can't hide.
We'll get you later. You'll see, we'll get you.
Hello. No, Marques is at the playground.
All right. Call back later, Tracy.
Kid's Funeral Home, you stab them, we grab them.
Uh, no, Marques isn't here, Gina.
A party? No, they're not having no party.
Can I ask how old you are?
You sound a little old to be calling him.
All right, just call back later, okay? All right.
VEDA: Is everybody ready?
I've got the engine running, my mother has food on the table,
and we don't wanna keep my mother waiting.
What a pretty girl.
I should introduce you to my boy Kid.
Kid, you ought to marry this girl.
She's much better for you than that fiance
you brought here yesterday.
I mean, that girl was way too tall for you.
Ha, ha. You're right, Aunt Lucy.
I am a better choice.
Oh, yeah, much better than the girl
that wanted Night Heat at her party.
Oh, really?
Oh, yeah. You know the one.
The one that thought I was still hung up
on the big booty girl, Sydney.
Ha, ha, I'll bet you she didn't even make you French toast.
Come on, Aunt Lucy, let's wait in the car.
Would you hurry up, please?
Where's Uncle Vester?
VESTER: Hey, hey, look.
Hey, woman.
Here we go. Hey.
Ooh, Good Lord, have mercy.
I wanna put you on a plate with biscuits
and gravy and suck right up.
Aunt Lucy, wait. That's not my car!
You guys come in here.
Where have you guys been? What took so long?
We just have to go for our little daily walk.
Yeah, you got to get that exercise.
Exercise yourself on in that kitchen.
Get those dishes you left this morning.
You got no dog on this one.
Heh. So how do you feel, boy?
Ah, Uncle Vester, I'm still a little nervous.
This is such a big night.
I just don't wanna do anything that I'll regret.
Oh, son. We gotta talk about that the other night.
What did I tell you? Let that go. Be yourself.
We're going over there. We're gonna be ourselves.
We'll show you're educated.
Say Diddy hellos, how to have good time tonight.
You gotta believe that. Let it go.
Okay. All right.
All right.
You're not packing, are you?
You know I'm blessed.
I'm hung low. Stay out of my personal business.
Who you with?
Uncle Vester.
Who you with?
I'll get it.
Hey, yo, what up?
Can I speak to either Kid or Play?
MARQUES [OVER PHONE]: No, they ain't here.
This is Butcher from the catering company.
Is the party still on?
Yeah, the party is still going on.
Will you tell Kid or Play that, um,
I ain't serve nobody until I get the rest of my money.
MARQUES: I guarantee you your money.
But you got to bring the food here.
That's 1637 Blast Ave.
Oh, you want me to bring the food there?
That's right if you wanna get paid.
Okay. Bye.
Yeah, right.
Veda told me you're down-home folk.
So I thought we'd have a little soul food dinner,
something I'd know you people would like.
I don't care what you serve long on that occasion.
The food looks great, mom.
Oh, thank you, doll.
Have no plate?
Aunt Lucy, don't worry about him not having no plate.
I got plenty of food for him.
Uh, Christopher,
I suppose you haven't made it big
in the music business yet.
Oh, well, dad, uh, my partner and I--
How did you expect to support a wife?
And a baby, you know she pregnant?
Pregnant? Lord have mercy. See I knew it.
I knew I've been dreaming about fish.
Fish? Fish, I sure hope it's catfish.
No, mother. I am not pregnant, heh.
Young man, I was asking you a question.
Okay. Uh, well, Dad, my partner and I,
we're involved in some very promising ventures.
We have an up and coming group name, R.A.S. Posse,
that we signed to Arrest Records.
Now when they release them--
Release, R.A.S. Posse, What are they, in jail?
Ugh, when they release their album, mother.
And how do you expect to survive until this R.A.S. Puss--
Posse makes it big?
In my day, we used to have a saying:
No romance, heh,
without finance.
Now hold on there, freckles.
You got to have a little bit more faith
in these young kids today.
Times are different when you and I were out here
doing our thing. Now hand me about four or five biscuits.
Oh, I'm hungry.
Oh, Vester.
What is your line of business?
Unemployment line.
I'm a painter.
I'm an artiste.
Oh, really.
From what school? Jacob Lord's? Beardon?
Uh, kitchen walls and sinks, shit like that.
Oh, my God, crayons and finger paints.
Wait a minute, mom. You're being unfair.
You and Daddy didn't have everything
when you first started out.
Yeah. But we worked hard
to get where we are today.
I bet you had whore just to make ends meet.
I beg your pardon!
Ooh, ooh, ooh, I knew, I knew you.
Dammit to hell, I knew your face was familiar to me.
Man, back in the days, your wife just sucked the meanest.
Well, I know you know. You're the lucky man.
You scum-sucking son of a bitch!
That's my ho-- My wife you're talking about.
Kid, you're just gonna let them talk to my parents like this?
I forgot you got other things on your minds
like getting with Sydney one more time.
Who said I was getting with Sydney?
I heard your friend Stinky talking this morning.
Oh, I don't believe you.
I don't believe Play is at that window.
Go see what he wants.
AUNT LUCY: You don't talk to my nephew like this.
You don't talk to my daughter like this.
AUNT LUCY: What do you mean?
Come on, man, what're you doing here?
Yo, man, Showboat is bugging.
He tried to run me down with the Benzo.
He wants the Sex As A Weapon contract yesterday.
God, didn't I tell you to get Boat his money? Didn't I?
You always getting me into trouble.
Now it's on me. You wanted a bachelor party.
I'm hooking you up. What am I supposed to do?
Pay with my good looks? What's wrong with you?
I didn't want the bachelor party.
You wanted the bachelor party.
Listen, you. Listen, you, get back.
AUNT LUCY: Get back?
Step back, Satan.
I'll whammy-bammy your ass.
Now I remember. I even remember your name.
They used to call you Jawbone.
Just meet me at the crib. I get enough to deal with here.
Listen, man. I got problems...
Look here, I'm gonna let the door hit you
where the good lord split you!
Then she gonna start barking like a dog.
Baby, put it on that old hat.
Look, everybody, could we just please calm down, okay?
This has gotten out of hand, okay?
Let's calm down, all right?
MAN: I'll fuck you up!
Sit down, witch hazel.
Who you talking to?
VESTER: To you!
Look, don't you talk about--
You mama witch, you black dusty rusty ass.
Whoa! My mama dead! Now I gotta cut you!
That's the rule! Cut you! Cut you! Cut you!
Come on! Come on! I'm ready for you.
I want all of you out of my house now!
Cut me! Cut me! Cut me!
Cutting the whole--
I expected some shit like this from you riffraff.
Damn, I bet I get some respect from you motherfuckers. Now!
And I'd love to pop a cap in your little black ass.
And that crazy old bitch.
And I'd bust a cap in your ass if it weren't for my daughter.
Now I want all of you out of my goddamn house!
Out, out, damn spot!
All of you motherfuckers.
We better go.
Had a nice time. That ain't look so good.
Punk motherfucker.
You better get the fuck on out of my house! Nigga!
Out, out, damn it! All of you, out!
Was that a crazy dinner or what?
Heh, that was crazy.
Do you think they're ever gonna get along?
Well, I guess if the Crips and Bloods
can have a truce,
I guess they can too.
Anyway, good night, Mrs. Kid.
Good night, Mr. Veda.
Mr. Ve... What'd I tell you about watching all that Oprah?
Huh? Ooh.
Heh, I love you.
[GIBBERING] I Love you.
Hey, fellas. Fellas, welcome back.
You know, I just had a talk with Sex As A Weapon,
and they claim they never signed any management contract
with Kid and Play management. so I'm wondering...
Why do I need you all?
I can explain, Showboat.
But I don't want to hear it.
I don't want to hear it!
Now you two clowns better get my contract signed by tomorrow.
And, uh, one little thing before you leave.
I'd like you to check out one of these TJ hors d'oeuvres.
KID: What?
Oh, that's a toe-jam cracker.
Yeah, I like to call it the chronic, heh.
PLAY: Come on, Boat. Come on, man.
We've known each other too long for this, man.
No. No. No!
You guys are cleaning up?
Thanks. Thanks a lot.
MARQUES: Well, Kid, we just wanted to show our appreciation.
You've been so good to us.
Hey, look, uh, look, here's some money for a pizza.
BOY: All right.
You still have the video movies?
BOY 2: Yeah.
I got some running around to do,
then I'm gonna go to the hotel for the bachelor party,
so I'll see you guys in the morning.
Oh, uh, there's a slight chance
my body might be dumped in the river.
So if I don't see you in the morning, it's been real.
What do you mean, Kid?
Uh... Look, don't worry about it. It's my problem.
Just have a good time and take care of Aunt Lucy, okay?
KIDS: All right.
See you later.
Hey, you all, I think Uncle Kid is in big trouble.
Yeah, that punk Showboat.
Ah, shit.
MAN: Yo, yo, what's up, punk? Where the rest of my money?
Man, we ain't got your money, man.
Showboat got your cash, man.
We used to have him in an apron with his ass hanging out,
running around the cell cleaning up like a bitch.
Really, nigga.
I know he ain't trying to come between me and my money.
Where is it at?
I don't know, man.
Put me down, man.
Yo, punk, since you don't know,
we taking these Adidas as partial payment
till you find out, you understand?
STINKY: No, man, come on. Oh, no, that's my cuz.
Hey, hey!
Is there a problem in here, fellas?
Uh, no, ma'am, we just helping my man with his shoes.
Well, keep it down in here.
Hey, simple, you dropped something, man.
MAN: Hey, you little twig-head Boyz in the Hood,
where's Kid?
Plan B.
Plan B.
Where they going?
Uh, they got to take a pee.
Uh, so you came to listen to our demo?
Hurry up, man. We got to beat the all-time record.
So where is he?
Uh, Kid...
Dreads, cap-- Oh, yeah, Kid.
Well, he's having a bachelor party over at the Motel 6.
Which Motel 6? There's 29 of them.
I don't know. I'm from Detroit.
He probably went to the one on Washington.
You know, they give complimentary 40 ounces.
You better not be lying, boy.
Come on.
Those some nice hooves you got there, girl.
I got one bean for you. One.
How about a biscuit, baby?
Oh, please.
Hey, hey. Now, that's what I'm talking about.
I'm guilty, guilty as charged.
I was willing, take me.
Cuff me, baby. Cuff me!
PLAY: Oh, yeah. Once again, it's on.
Hey, what up?
PLAY: Stinky! I'm gonna get this, boy.
What's up, baby. How are you doing?
How are you doing? Just sitting here queening.
I don't believe you gonna do this.
I don't believe you getting married.
You going out.
Why I got to be going out?
Why can't I have a do-right woman
and I'm trying to do right by?
You ain't doing right until tomorrow.
Tonight, your hos is here.
I'm gonna to tear this party up!
Right now, I'm hungry!
Food, food, food!
Nigga, now that's an ex-con.
Nigga made me proud.
Yeah, those 40 ounces really do upgradable Motel 6.
The only reason I mess around with them.
MAN: Hey, what...
Fucking damn!
My son of a...
You wait till I get my hands on that cold-blooded man!
Right here, and make sure she doesn't have any more.
She's drunk enough already.
Oh, Cathy's drunk again?
Every time she goes somewhere, she gets drunk.
This party is too much.
Girl, this is a great party, Janelle.
Only the best for you girl. Only the best.
And the night is still young, honey.
KID: And I said no women,
but is it my imagination
or do we have an extra amount of fat women here tonight?
Look, don't sweat it, man.
It's my cousin, Stinky, man. This is his thing, his posse.
Look, I didn't want any women, just the fellas.
Damn, they're big.
Come in.
You okay, Aunt Lucy?
What is all that noise downstairs?
Uh, few of the fellas came by for Kid's bachelor party.
And what about this movie you brought me?
Oh, that was Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, Aunt Lucy.
That's no turtle. That's ass.
Be in touch, Aunt Lucy.
Call us if you need us.
See you.
Marques, where's the food?
I snuck out of the house to come here and I'm hungry.
We got a caterer coming, baby.
I'll bet those cons took the food to the hotel.
I know. Let's go find out what's happening. Come on.
Oh, kiddo, kiddo, mild for a Kid 'n Play jammy jam jam.
Some swollen motherfuckers in here tonight.
Ooh, I sure am hungry.
Man, what the fuck is your problem?
The problem is that this food ain't paid for.
Ain't nobody eating till I get the rest of my money.
Oh! But you let these two policewomen here eat.
Oh, oh, oh. They got guns too.
Eh, we got warrants, pimp daddy.
Yeah, you got a good point.
VEDA: Looks like there's some action
going on out here.
I'm looking for a Veda Pratt.
Um, that's me.
I have a warrant for your arrest.
Failure to pay a series of parking tickets.
Oh, no, no, no. That's some mistake.
I pay my tickets.
I'm gonna take you down.
This is yours?
Heh, wait a minute. Tomorrow is my wedding day.
I'm getting married tomorrow.
Miss, please, face the wall. Spread your legs.
OFFICER: Heh, not that far.
Heh, Janelle, I'm going to jail.
The other hand, please.
I've never been to jail.
What am I gonna wear?
Don't worry about it, Veda.
You already got on stripes.
Folks, please, stand back into the house.
Pursuant of penal code section 393.03.
Find Kid. Find Kid.
I command you to...
Wave your hands in the air!
You got me good this time. You got me this time.
Here it is, guys. Bad-ass.
A bomb, here we go.
MAN 1: That ain't bad-ass.
Is this some kind of joke?
Oh, well, wait. Just give it some time.
It's probably some leader tape.
Just give it a chance. Give it a chance.
Just like them punk ass niggers watching. Shit.
This party seem bunk to me.
Man, you all supposed to deliver at 1637 Blast Ave.
Look here, I'll deliver this food anywhere,
you hear me, anywhere as long as you got the money.
We got money.
Pay the man.
1637 Blast Ave.
You get paid when we get fed.
MAN 2: That's ninja turtle ass.
MAN 3: Hey, man.
Somebody must've switched the tape!
Night heat, God of lust, we praise you!
Hi, Showboat. I'm sorry, baby. No men are allowed.
We got business here. We looking for Kid 'n Play.
And that's a man.
No, no, baby. You are man.
That is a God.
Go over to the kitchen. You check out the bathroom.
Boy, they're making Gods smaller these days
and bowlegged.
This your stripper?
Yes, baby.
You better get a refund. I'll show you stripping.
Hey, wait a minute.
Step aside.
That's all right. Take your liberties with me.
I'm free. There you go, boy.
Be careful. That's mine.
So-so. How's my Aunt Lucy doing?
Eating my prunes, waiting for Kid
to show up for his bachelor party
and watching that ass.
Yo, let me hold the cellular.
This ain't no damn game. Give me the phone!
Yo, Play, the phone ain't turned on.
I'm fronting, man. I told you, the hos like that.
Man, pay your damn bill.
Hey, man, I sent them a couple of checks.
The phone company don't take welfare checks.
It seems like all I know is broke brothers.
Look, I got to come over there. Shit.
Johnny, man, what's up with Angina?
MARQUES: Now, the moment you've all been waiting for,
ALL [IN UNISON]: Angina Williams!
The Boat is in the house!
Showboat's getting ready to get out the house.
Now, get to stepping.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Boat is leaving the building.
Please, don't do anymore parties.
Thank you. You're wonderful.
Get out of here, you steroid freaks.
Oh, don't let me down, man.
Yo, yo, check it out, Kid. All for you, boy.
Oh, man!
Stinky, Stinky, take off your hat.
Take off your hat.
Oh, come on. Take all the goddamn money.
Hey, get off me.
Come on. Get off.
Hey, hey.
Get off me.
Move it.
Ahem, excuse me.
I'm president of the All-That club
and I'm here to tell you that you are all that.
Baby, I'll eat through that dress to get to that ass.
No, fuck that dress. I'll eat through them drawers.
What'd I say wrong?
What now?
Play would not let you down.
Close your eyes then. Come on trust me.
This is it. It's the bomb!
Open your arms wide for a big surprise.
Come on, honey.
Are you the lucky man?
Kid? Heh.
Wow! What are you doing here?
Um, I was celebrating
my grandparents' wedding anniversary.
Wow, it's great to see you.
Um, it's been a long time.
Heh, a lot's happened.
Well, what are you doing--
Sorry. You go. Go ahead.
Well, I hear you're taking a job in Washington.
And you're getting married.
Veda is a lucky woman.
I wish you guys a lot of happiness.
Well, heh, I better get back to my grandparents.
Heh, Kid,
I wish it had ended better between us.
Yeah. Me too.
She's better for you.
She'll give you what you need.
Yeah, heh, I guess you're right.
I will always love you.
Heh, friends.
Didn't I tell you about Night Heat?
I knew he was gonna work you.
He gave me, like, a whoo thing!
Oh, got you.
Well, it's a good thing
I found out about this before it was too late.
KID: No, wait the minute. You didn't see what you thought you saw.
What you thought you saw, you didn't really see.
Okay, save the jokes, Kid.
Look, you've got it all wrong. Okay?
Her grandparents are here
celebrating their anniversary in another suite.
I didn't know she was here. What are you talking about?
That's perfect. So you give her a kiss
on her grandparents' anniversary.
A kiss?
It was a "good-bye, have a nice life" kiss,
thank you. Look, you don't trust me? Fine!
This is what being married is gonna be about, huh?
You gonna do whatever anyway.
Time out! Time out!
Time out! Come on, man. Let's talk.
Come on! Come here.
He's gonna play me.
Uh-uh, uh-uh, he is not all that.
Girl, you were wrong.
Janelle, I just saw my man kissing his ex-girlfriend.
It was just a peck.
Yo, Kid, take time out, man,
turn this thing the other way around.
You would've drawn the same conclusion, man.
For the first time, I'm convinced
that this woman's gonna make you happy, man.
And you're ready to blow it?
Now, you say you love him.
If you really love him, Veda,
then you got to trust him, baby.
I got a lot invested in this wedding, man.
I'll be damned if it go down the tubes
over some misunderstanding
or I'm walking down the aisle with Veda myself.
That's all there is to it. Word up.
Come on, man. She wouldn't have you.
Heh. Shit.
Now, what you need to do is stop tripping
and take your big ass back down them stairs
and go get your man!
Hey, Kiddo.
I'm sorry.
Look, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have blown up at you.
There you go. I've been looking all over for you guys.
Telephone, man.
Uncle Vester.
Oh, jeez.
Handle it.
Uncle Vester?
Kid, you better hurry up and get over here!
These boys got a party.
Everybody and their mama's here,
including the law.
Okay, all right. We'll be right there.
Come over here bothering people,
trying to embarrass somebody.
Officers of the goddamn law!
What you wanna do? I ain't scared of you.
I ain't Rodney King. I'll get one of you.
OFFICER: 1637 Blast Avenue.
That disturbance is now in control.
I'm gonna kill those little guys.
This is your house?
Uh, yes.
Party's got to stop. You're disturbing the peace.
Wait the minute. Hold on, Officer Evans.
Um, my man here, he's getting married tomorrow.
I'm just trying to send him off in style.
Um, could you, uh...
Heh, are you married?
Come on, man, think about it.
The night before you lost your freedom,
you realized that night, that's the last night
you gonna be hanging with your homeys,
chasing after the honeys.
No more nothing, man, just you,
the TV
and her.
Come on, man.
Come on.
You people have a nice evening.
Okay. Come on, man, let's talk.
I have a cousin that's a marriage counselor.
I can't believe those little hard heads
could throw a hyper party than me and Play.
Oh, heh, wait for me, Janelle.
Party over here.
It's 1:00.
Do you know where your testicles are?
Where's my money?
We spent it.
Look, I'm getting married tomorrow.
You wouldn't hurt the family jewels?
Start cutting!
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait a minute.
Whoa, whoa!
See, now, that's funky.
Now, who is that?
Uh, that's our new group Immature.
We just signed them.
We were getting ready to tell you to check them out.
Hey, hey, hey, and the other act as promised, my brother.
Sex As A Weapon.
We got a deal?
Yeah. Deal.
Wait. I thought you signed with Cold-Blood Management.
Since we heard about what they did to those blind rappers,
we, uh, changed our mind.
That's right.
We can't be doing business with peoples,
hear me now, like that.
We don't like that.
Yeah. Mmm!
Uh, okay, girls, go in there and use those weapons.
Yeah. That's what I'm talking about.
PLAY: Oh, that's two groups, Rowboat.
I guess you owe us now, huh?
Hook him up.
Yeah, hook me up.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
See, man, I told you
I'd take care of everything, man.
It's the American way.
Look, congratulations, man.
That's for your honeymoon.
Excuse me boy, can I have my baby now?
You can have your baby now.
Uh, excuse me.
Hey, Kid, we know, we've been lots of trouble, so here.
Wow. Thanks a lot.
That might be just enough to clean up
after this bachelor party of yours.
Hey, cuz. My 50 percent.
Sure. Let me get some change, man.
Can anybody bust up a dollar?
Yo, you wrong, man. I want my 50 percent, man.
I'll burn this place down, man.
The D-most wreck in effect
House party set Catching rep on a mic check
Before we tear it up I turn And give my partner high five
Cause it's time To get live
So when I say make some You say noise
Make some
ALL: Noise
Make some
ALL: Noise
When I say make some You say noise
Make some
ALL: Noise
Well, it's the Kid from Kid'N Play
Now that's a rap group I'm not that sup
But I'm living phat troop You looking that cute
The girl in the cat suit In my black coupe
Rhyming on the fat loops Oops
Feelin' great, pop the tape In the tape deck
And I'm-a catch wreck Then catch a fat check
Check what the heck Grab the mic for a mic check
Right before Your eyes equalize
With the goose neck Who's next
Who's gonna flex With the hype rhyme
I think it's my time I'm flowing like a pipeline
Going for the right sign Gonna have a fine time
Name up in neon Like Deon going prime time
Trying to score a touchdown Trying to make a slam dunk
Breakin' off a fat chunk 'Cause the track is mad funk
Niggas try to say I never gave back
Get ready For the payback
This a house party Black
So when I say make some You say noise
Make some
ALL: Noise.
Make some
ALL: Noise.
So when I say make some You say noise
Make some
ALL: Noise.
Make some
ALL: Noise.
P to the L-A-Y In the place to be
What's the matter, brother Didn't ya hear me, see
I'm the man That ya heard about
The fly dark skin brother Girls spread the word about
And when you wonder why I get sex more
You get vexed more 'Cause I'm the boy next door
And when ya smile and grin And then I go up in
And in a hour later I'm at it again, friend
And then I'm ready to go But you don't hear me though
And I'm-a bout to throw Just like Riddick Bowe
I keep an even flow Watch as I do the show
And I'm-a flip it And kick it like judo
So don't try to say that I can't when I can pull
Watch me trample This hip hop sample
The choice is yours Black
You can either catch a cap Or get slapped
Or sing the chorus, Jack
So when I say make some You say noise
Make some
ALL: Noise.
Make some
ALL: Noise.
So when I say make some You say noise
Make some
ALL: Noise.
Knock, knock Ya gotta let me in
'Cause I know Ya got alligator skin
Underneath of your jim
And I only must pick up Roughneck nigga
Check 'em in a sec Just to see who's bigger
The Left never ever did expect To flow it
I say it's time to get it up I know he can't show it
And if he make a mistake He'll never get it
Stupid mother
What's up?
But if my hat Is to the back
Then ya can sort of Say it's crooked
The look that only nookie Gives a rough neck rookie
Jump, hump-a-hump On the back, hit the front
Take a dump in the stump Roll a big fat blunt
And if he's quick to hand it To ya, don't grab it
He only really want it If he know he can't have it
Chase a roughneck Bet you'll say
Dagnabbit, Mr. Butterworth
So when I say make some You say noise
Make some
ALL: Noise.
Make some
ALL: Noise.
So when I say make some You say noise
Make some
ALL: Noise.
Make some
ALL: Noise.
So when I say make some You say noise
PLAY: Yo, Kid, Veda, hold up! Kid.
Hold up, man. Here you go, man.
A little something. Voila!
Come on, man. Kid 'n Play productions.
We gonna be large!
You got us a car?
Chill, man. For business, man.
A tax write-off. Enjoy it.
Congratulations. Yo!
Oh, God, Angina.
VESTER: Come on, let's go half on a baby.
Come on, I liked you the first I saw you.
I'll make you bow-legged, I swear to God.
He's my inspiration
And you know You just don't understand
Our relation
'Cause when I'm down He's the one
Who makes me feel Real good inside
He keeps me going
He makes me feel
So good
I just love that man
I just love him I love him, I love him
I just love the man
The way he just don't Understand
I just love him I love him, I love him
I just love that man
I just love him
How about some hardcore Yeah, we like it raw
How about some hardcore Yeah, we like it raw
How about some hardcore Yeah, we like it raw
How about some hardcore Yeah, we like it raw
How about some hardcore We like it raw in the streets
For the fellas on the corner Posted up 20 deep
With your F on your hip Ready to flip
Whenever you empty your clip Dip, trip your sidekick
You got skill You best manage to chill
Do yourself a favor, don't Come nowhere near the Hill
With that bull, word Money grip, it'll cost ya
Make you reminisce of Frank Nitti, The Enforcer
I move with M.O.P.'s Last generation
Straight up and down, act Like you want a confrontation
I packs my gat I got to stay strapped
I bust mine, don't try to Sneak up on me from behind
Don't sleep I get deep when I creep
I see right now, gotta Show you ain't nothin' sweet
Go get your hammer And act like you want drama
I'll send a message To your mama
Hello, do you know Your one son left
I am licensed to kill He had been marked for death
He's up the Hill In the back of the building
With two in the dome Stiffer than a tombstone
How about some hardcore Yeah, we like it raw
How about some hardcore Yeah, we like it raw
How about some hardcore Yeah, we like it raw
How about some hardcore Yeah, we like it raw
How about some hardcore
Yeah, we like it rugged In the ghetto
I used to pack sling shots Now I'm packin' heavy metal
A rugged underground Freestyler
Is Li'l Fame for you Slap, Li'l Mallet
When I let off It's a burning desire
Increase the peace, when I release it be rapid fire
For the cause I drop suckers like drawers
Derelicts hit the floors From nickel-plated .44's
I'm takin' titles When it's belt time
Play around, I have punks Call the injury help line
I bust words in my verse That'll serve
Even on my first nerve I put herbs to curbs
'Cause M.O.P. Got the upper hand
I still write, make My brother get up and dance
Front, I make it A thrill to kill
Bringin' the ruckus It's neighborhood hoods
For the hill That's real
Me and mics, hustle Light dubs and dice
So who wanna skate, 'cause I'm puttin' thugs on ice
Whatever I drop must be rough rugged and hard more
Yeah, how about some hardcore Yeah, we like it raw
How about some hardcore Yeah, we like it raw
How about some hardcore Yeah, we like it raw
How about some hardcore Yeah, we like it raw
Yo, here I am, so what up? Get it on, sucker
Checkin' Bill, seem to be A ill black brother
I gets dough From the way I flow
And before I go You mothers gonna know
That I ain't nothin To fuck with, duck quick
I squeeze when I'm stressed Teflons'll tear your vest
I love a bloodbath You don't know the half
You can feel the wrath Saratoga, St. Marks Ave.
N-I-E, me Billy Danzenie
Knock, knock, who's there?
Li'l Fame Li'l Fame who?
Li'l Fame, your knuckle, boom Ease up off the trigger
It's a'ight, me and shorty Go to gunfights
Together We bring the ruckus, right?
We trump tight, a'ight?
I earned mine So I'm entitled to a title
7-30 That means I'm homicidal
Yeah, we like it raw
How about some hardcore Yeah, we like it raw
How about some hardcore Yeah, we like it raw
How about some hardcore Yeah, we like it raw
Yo, I scream on rappers Like a rollercoaster
To wack competition Go hang it up like a poster
Yo, get excited But don't excite me
Don't invite me...