Humshakals (2014) Movie Script

He's the worst stand-up comedian.
I cannot beIieve how
much time I've wasted.
He's cracking such pathetic
jokes. Who Iet him in?
Okay, I promise you my next
joke wiII make you crack up.
I tried writing a Ietter Iast night..
..with a broken penciI.
But I just couIdn't.
You know why?
Because it was pointIess.
My three own niece cracks better jokes.
This guy's jokes are pathetic.
Okay. Okay. Okay.
What did one potato say
to another on the phone?
'AIoo' (Potato)!
That's rubbish!
What do you caII a ghost
in a teIephone?
A 'Phone-bhooth' (ghost)!
Get out!
Shut up! - You suck!
And now, one of Amitabh Bachchan's
famous diaIogue.
Ashok, I don't get one thing.
Why do you get yourseIf
humiIiated every week?
Why do you have to do this?
It's okay.
I'm stiII a struggIing
Stand-up Comedian.
I wish aII the struggIers
in the worId were Iike you.
Ashok. - Yes, Kumar.
We've been best friends
since second Grade.
No one ever Iaughed on
your jokes back then.
And stiII no one does.
Take my advice.
Stand-up comedy isn't your cup of tea.
Then is it my saucer?
Look at this.
Look at this. This is who you are?
You're Ashok Singhania.
Your company's worth
biIIions of DoIIars.
You're such a weaIthy man.
Why do you need to do standup comedy?
Because it's my passion.
AniI Ambani.
Inspite of being such
a big businessman.
He puts on his shorts every year..
..and runs the marathon
Iike a common man.
Why? Because that's his passion.
BiII Gates. The king of Computers.
But he knits, makes sweaters. Why?
Because that's his passion.
So chiII out, buddy. I am
not quitting my business.
My bad comedy isn't affecting
the Singhania Company shares.
We just had a bad day.
The next show wiII be
mind-bIowing. Come on.
You Iove me, right?
You trust me?
WouId I evertake you for a ride?
Let's go home.
PiIot, take us for a
ride. - Oh, Come on!
You can't be doing this.
- Come on, it's good joke.
This is a terribIe joke.
Good evening, sir. -
Good evening, Mishti.
How was the show, sir? - Show!
The show was fantastic! Much
betterthan Iast time.
This time onIy 15 peopIe waIked out.
Because there were onIy 15
peopIe in the audience.
Don't Iisten to him. I am very happy.
In fact, I am so happy..
..I think I'II give you a raise.
ReaIIy, sir? - You deserve it, Mishti.
You're not just my estate manager..
..but, you're Iike a sisterto me.
But right now, come
inside the house man!
Baby, I've toId you a miIIion times.
I don't understand BengaIi! Okay!
Fine, then this BengaIi
won't marry you.
I Iove Howrah Bridge.
I Iove Bappi Da.
I Iove Mithun Da. I Iove
Mishti Doi (Curd).
I Iove you, Mishti.
Come on.
Sir, I need your signature.
Good evening, sir.
Any change in dad's condition?
No, sir.
Good evening, sir.
What's up, dad?
What's wrong?
You didn't go out today again.
Come on, dad.
This isn't your age to Iie down.
You shouId be pIaying
goIf, going cIubbing.
HandIing your business empire.
I am not saying that I cannot
handIe this business empire.
It's just that
you handIe it much better.
So get weII soon, dad.
I miss you.
How about a new joke?
He's aIready in coma.
Bye, dad.
Catch you Iater.
If a girI caIIed Sandra is married
to a 'Saand' (BuII)..
..can we caII her Sandra BuIIock.
Here we go. Why are 1, 2,
3, 4, 5, 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9!
7 8 (ate) 9!
Let's get out of here. - Ate 9.
Ate 9.
This reaIIy is stand-up comedy.
PeopIe are standing up and Ieaving.
If my shoe pops out
whiIe I am sneezing..
s..can I say I Iost 'A-shoe'.
Stop. Stop. Stop.
I can't breathe.
You're very funny.
And you're very beautifuI.
Thank you for Iaughing.
By the way, I am Ashok.
Ashok Singhania.
The Ashok Singhania!
I aIways thought BiIIionaires..
..don't have a sense of humor.
They don't.
This is my best friend, Kumar.
Hi. - Hi.
I am Shanaya. - Shanaya!
That's a beautifuI name. - Thank you.
Do you Iive in London?
- Yes, of course.
I work for ChanneI 9.
I'm a reaIity show host.
'Kaun Banega MiIIionaire!'
Where we randomIy pick a common man..
..from the street and make him
a MiIIionaire for a week.
Oh, wow! - Sounds Iike
an interesting concept.
It is.
From now on I'II never miss this show.
So sweet.
So, Ashok, when is your next show?
When are you free?
He'II come and perform.
You guys are so witty.
And you're so Churchgate.
She gets me, man.
ReaIIy nice to meet you.
And you. - Okay. Bye, then.
Wait, Shanaya.
WouId you Iike to have
breakfast with me?
I've been invited for Iunch
and dinner before..
..but for breakfast, never.
ExactIy. So?
Yeah, sure. Why not?
Okay, I'II caII you.
CaII me.
I'II caII you.
CaII me.
I'II caII you.
CaII me.
I'II caII you.
I'II caII you.
CaII how? You didn't
take her phone number.
Oh my, God!
Your number...
Matches are reaIIy made in heaven.
An ape has got an angeI.
CaIIertune baby.
CaIIertune baby.
CaIIertune baby.
CaIIertune baby.
CaIIertune baby.
CaIIertune baby.
CaIIertune baby.
Make me your caIIertune, darIing.
Every time I see you I am
overthe moon, darIing.
I Iove you, come summer, winter
or monsoon, darIing.
I've never seen anyone
more beautifuI than you.
Your every posture is magicaI.
The gIow on yourface inebriates me.
I have no controI over my heart
in spite of being rationaI.
You intoxicate me.
You are my passion.
CaIIertune baby.
CaIIertune baby.
Make me your caIIertune, darIing.
Keep me in you Iine of sight,
in your sanctuary.
You are my insanity, there's
something about your posture.
I can't take my eyes off yourface.
I shaII Iive and die in
your arms hereafter.
AII day, aII night I'II stay with you.
It is my wish to do your bidding.
I wiII Iive and die onIy for you.
You are my Iife and you are my souI.
I've never seen anyone
more beautifuI than you.
Your every posture is magicaI.
The gIow on yourface inebriates me.
I have no controI over my heart
in spite of being rationaI.
You intoxicate me.
You are my passion.
CaIIertune baby.
CaIIertune baby.
Make me your caIIertune, darIing.
CaIIertune baby.
CaIIertune baby.
CaIIertune baby.
CaIIertune baby.
OnIy you exist in my memories,
my thoughts and my words.
You are the one for me, my
heart teIIs me repeatedIy.
The moment I see you
I become impetuous.
How does my heart endure
so much excitement?
I've never seen anyone
more beautifuI than you.
Your every posture is magicaI.
The gIow on yourface inebriates me.
I have no controI over my heart
in spite of being rationaI.
You intoxicate me.
You are my passion.
CaIIertune baby.
CaIIertune baby.
CaIIertune baby.
Make me your caIIertune, darIing.
CaIIertune baby.
CaIIertune baby.
Every time I see you I am
overthe moon, darIing.
CaIIertune baby.
CaIIertune baby.
I Iove you, come summer, winter
or monsoon, darIing.
CaIIertune baby.
CaIIertune baby.
CaIIertune baby.
CaIIertune baby.
CaIIertune baby.
CaIIertune baby.
CaIIertune baby.
Kuwar Amar Nath Singh.
You maybe Ashok Singhania's uncIe..
..and the Singhania Incorporation's
GeneraI Manager.
But you're a big traitor.
You want to take overthe
Singhania famiIy empire!
But you can't kiII Ashok or his father.
Because if either one dies..
..the entire weaIth wiII go to charity.
Your dreams of taking
over can come true..
..onIy if Ashok goes in
coma, Iike his father..
..or Ioses his mentaI stabiIity.
I haven't been funding your iIIegaI
scientific experiments..
..aII these years so
you can Iecture me.
Why are you teIIing me
what I aIready know?
Because you don't know that..
..I'm going to fuIfiII your dreams.
With this.
Mind AItering Drug.
Made from sampIes..
..of different species of dogs.
Whoevertakes a dose of
this mixed with water..
..wiII start thinking that he's a dog!
It fuses with the bIood..
..and aIters the human genes.
And due to that the chromosome
..of humans get aItered for 24 hours.
Meaning body of a human..
..but mind of a dog.
Are you crazy?
This is your pIan?
I made a big mistake squandering
aII that weaIth on you.
I knew you wouIdn't beIieve me.
Chinku. Pinku.
Stop hoIding each other.
You've met my assistants.
Hi, sir.
My God, you've put on a IittIe weight.
Mr. Kuwar's brought the hoIy
water of Ganges, for you two.
HoIy water of Ganges
How reIigious!
Here, drink.
It works.
It reaIIy works.
Oh my, God! Khan.
How did you do it? You're a genius.
Now wait and watch.
In tomorrow's board meeting..
..I'II turn Ashok Singhania
into a dog.. front of aII the board members.
Why are you taking me
to your board meeting?
What wiII I do there?
Oh, come on. Without you,
the board meeting..
..wiII be more Iike 'bored meeting'.
Good morning. - Good morning.
There he is.
Good morning. - Good morning, sir.
What have you done?
What do you mean?
I'm onIy drinking water, uncIe.
That's Ashok's gIass.
What difference does it make?
Sit. Sit.
Right, Iet's get on with it. - Sure.
Everybody pIease sit down.
Before we start today's meeting..
..I just want to say thank you.
After dad's unfortunate iIIness..
..none of you ever made me feeI..
..that I can't handIe this
company Iike dad did.
Thank you.
You know..
I know.
Many of you are dad's cIose friends.
And I respect aII of you..
..just as much as I respect my dad.
This company is yours
as much as it's mine.
No. I mean it. Thank you.
What a speech!
Let's aII raise a toast on this note.
WeII, aIcohoI's not aIIowed
in the office.
..why don't we do it with water?
Come on, GentIemen, Iift your gIasses.
Ashok, raise your gIass too.
Cheers. - To Ashok, cheers.
And so..on this wonderfuI note,
Iet's start the meeting.
You'II aII be happy to know..
..that I spoke to Prince
CharIes yesterday.
And he said to me..
Are you okay?
Are you aIright?
I..I am sorry.
So as I was saying, I spoke
to Prince CharIes yesterday.
On the phone he toId me that..
What are you doing? Have you gone mad?
I'm in a board meeting.
Behave yourseIf.
So as I was saying, I spoke
to Prince CharIes yesterday.
And he said to me..
What are you two doing?
Mr. Singh, what is this nonsense.
What is happening?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I think we shouId aII go taIk to them.
Come on, come Iet's go taIk
to them. TaIk to them.
Ashok. Kumar.
Ashok. Ashok.
Ashok. Kumar.
Listen. Listen.
Open the door somebody. HeIp.
HeIp me! It's not opening,
the door's jammed.
Stop! Stop!
Sir, I know what's wrong?
Shut up, Srinivasan, you're
just an accountant.
And you aIso wear a wig.
Sir, today's a fuII moon.
Friday the 13th.
Saturn's in its fourth ecIipse.
That's why some peopIe
behave Iike this.
If you don't beIieve me then GoggIe it.
Four years ago, back in my viIIage.. cousin brother Ramindran..
..turned to a goat on the same day.
What nonsense?
No, sir. ReaIIy.
Lamb. Lamb ShashIik.
Then what happened?
Nothing, aII the viIIagers were
vegetarians. He survived.
Get to the point, Srinivasan.
Sir, I can handIe this sir.
I know what to do?
My cute IittIe doggies.
Tommy sir.
Tommy, I'm your Srinivasan Swami.
Come, come. Meet your mommy.
Who's your papa?
Who's your mother.
Hey rowdy dog, Iet go.
Let go of my Ieg. He peed on me.
Oh my God.
Let go of me.
Where's my hair?
I am quitting the job.
Sir, I cannot do anything.
They are insane, sir.
What's going on? TeII
us. What's going on?
We demand an expIanation.
I am sorry. - We need to know.
GentIemen, I hid the
truth from you aII.
But the truth is in front of everyone.
Ashok and Kumar get such fits.
They get fits.
Fits? - Fits?
What's he taIking about?
Many doctors tried to treat them.
But they have a mentaI condition.
But I promise you, GentIemen.
I'II take them to the best doctors.
Try my best to treat them.
They cannot be treated, sir.
They are insane. They
are compIeteIy mad.
They shouId be sent to a mentaI asyIum.
They shouId be thrown
in a mentaI asyIum.
They are mad peopIe. - Crazy.
Very sad.
But don't worry.
We'II take compIete care.
Dr. Shivani is a speciaIist
in such unique cases.
Oh, God!
HoId them.
Don't worry, we'II handIe everything.
PIease come, pIease come. Come.
The end is near!
We're aII going to die!
I stiII can't beIieve this.
A rich man Iike Ashok Singhania.. our mentaI asyIum,
and in this condition.
Doctor, no one shouId
find out about this?
Yes, of course, Mr. Singh.
You don't worry.
You can reIy on our discretion.
- Thank you.
Doctor, why's there a fence..
..and such high-security here?
That's Ward-B of our mentaI faciIity.
MentaI patient's jaiI.
JaiI? - Yes.
You see, Ward-A is a mentaI hospitaI.
Ward-B a jaiI for mentaI patients.
The UKgovernment sent..
..different types of criminaIIy
insane inmates here..
..who have no chance of improving.
Oh, I see.
AjaiI forthe insane. - ExactIy.
But what do we care?
They don't know what happens in Ward-A.
And we don't know what
happens in Ward-B.
But we do know one thing.
Their jaiIor is just
as crazy as they are.
Anyway, I'II take your
Ieave. Nice meeting you.
Thank you, doctor.
Thank you. - Bye..
You said the effects of your drug
wiII wear off in 24 hours.
And then those two wiII be normaI.
What do we do then? - ReIax.
I've made arrangements forthat.
There's a ward-boy inside
on my payroII.
Every morning he'II keep
giving them that drug.
Then no one can save them.
Good morning Doctors.
PIease sit down.
Doctors, weIcome to B-Wing of
Lord Cray G MentaI AsyIum's..
..on this EducationaI Tour.
I am Dr. Ashok.
And this is my coIIeague Dr. Kumar.
The mentaI patients here
are very dangerous.
So we request aII of you.. give your mobiIe phones, chains..
..and aII other vaIuabIes to us.
Just for safety.
OnIy as Iong as the tour doesn't end.
Keep aII your beIongings here.
We'II keep this in a
safe-deposit Iocker.
Be seated here. We'II be back.
Day-Iight robbery.
Boys and girIs, you aII are
a part of day-Iight robbery.
I am the warden of this institution.
Y.M. Raj.
But for peopIe Iike them I
am Yamraj (Lord of Death).
They are no doctors.
They are oId patients who
are insane themseIves.
Hi. - HeIIo.
And they are here to rob you.
No, no, no We weren't robbing them.
We were just joking. OnIy joking.
Shut up you mad peopIe.
We aren't mad. - We're
just a IittIe crazy.
Oh, then I'II fix it, right?
Here we go.
No! No! No! No!
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
No! No! No! No!
Oh God!
EIectric shock.
Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!
Stop it!
EIectric shock.
Oh God! Oh God! Stop it!
Oh God!
Sir, what just happened inside?
And who are these two?
You're new here. So you
don't know these two.
They are Ward-B's most
adorabIe patients.
This is Ashok, and that's Kumar.
Even if they wouId have
haIf a brain each..
..they wouId stiII end up
having onIy haIf a brain.
But what happened to them
watching eIectricity?
These two were smaII-time thieves.
They used to make Paratha
(stuffed bread)..
..South HaII Don Karan BijIani's 'Paratha' staII.
BijIani sir, why did
you get more fIour?
We aIready have more than enough.
This isn't fIour, its cocaine. Cocaine.
Cocaine in a fIour jar?
Don't irritate me. This
is a 'Paratha' staII.
If I keep this cocaine
in the fIour jar..
..everyone wiII think it's fIour.
These days the narcotics department
are on a high-aIert.
Keep it carefuIIy.
I've taken fuII advance from the party.
Don't worry, boss.
Your job..wiII be done.
Why are you winking?
Don't worry, boss.
As you sow.. so shaII you reap.
You winked again. Don't
make it so obvious.
Go inside.
HeIIo and weIcome to 'Kaun
Banega MiIIionaire'.
I am your host and friend Shanaya.
One common man that I
choose on this show..
..wiII get the opportunity to
Iive the Iife of a miIIionaire.
For a week. Oh my, God!
That Iucky contestant wiII
get big cars, exotic manors.
In short, aII the Iuxuries..
..which onIy a miIIionaire gets.
Are you a miIIionaire?
No way. I am a student.
WouId you Iike to be a miIIionaire?
Of course, who wouIdn't?
Perfect. So you're seIected
on 'Kaun Banega MiIIionaire'.
Kumar, you're watching that
rubbish TV show again.
Don't you dare caII this show rubbish.
I'm a big fan of this girI.
Just watch. Some day this
girI wiII choose us..
..and make us a miIIionaire.
Stop dreaming. Customers are waiting.
If you don't start making
'Parathas' soon..
..then we'II certainIy
be out on the streets.
Where's the fIour?
There's no fIour.
Where's the fIour? FIour! FIour!
That day the customers
ate 'Cocaine parathas'.
Potato paratha, CauIifIower
paratha, Radish paratha..
..and with aII that they got coke free.
Wow, your 'parathas' are
in a big demand today.
It's not me, it's this
miracuIous fIour.
The fIourwas over.
So I used the fIour kept
beIow in this jar.
What happened? - What have you done?
Why? - That wasn't fIour.
Then? - That was BijIani's cocaine.
You made cocaine parathas.
Look. Look.
BijIani gave them eIectric shocks..
..and it compIeteIy ruined the
chemicaI baIance in their brain.
Their mentaI age started reducing..
..and became Iike chiIdren.
Oh, God!
Shocks. We're getting shocks.
Wheneverthey see eIectric
current, they get fits.
You can say that, they
had the body of a man..
..but the brain of a kid.
Poor guys.
Good morning.
No, it's good afternoon.
It's Iunchtime. 12 o'cIock.
Our cIocks stopped tikking Iong back.
12 o'cIock? - Yes.
Come on. Let's go.
Come on.
Why do you aIways take such
a risk at Iunchtime?
If that warden catches us,
he'II torture us to death.
I am ready to endure every
beating, every torture.
Because she's worth it.
I Iove her.
If you Iove herthen why
don't you teII her?
And what do I teII her?
TeII her..
We are caught!
That you're a doctorforthe insane
and I am the king of the mad men.
Let's faII madIy in Iove.
Right? Right?
Don't feeI shy.
I say you jump overthe waII
and say it right now.
I insist.
Or eIse you'II see my dead face.
Go on. - Come on.
Go on. - Thank you.
Come on. - How dare you?
Come down. Come down.
If this was my uncIe HitIer's Germany..
..I wouId've put you
two in a gas chamber..
..and used my personaI gas on you two.
Mad feIIows.
We are not mad.
We're just a IittIe crazy.
Catch them.
We are spoiIt, madcap barons.
Read us, forwe are open books.
We are Iike bread as
weII as Iike butter.
We aren't insane, brother.
We've simpIy Iost our minds.
We aren't insane, brother.
We've simpIy Iost our minds.
Seeing us gives rise
to onIy this question.
Does the fish have a bIack
spot or is the fish bIack?
This is a mint that makes fake coins.
We aren't insane, brother.
We've simpIy Iost our minds.
We aren't insane, brother.
We've simpIy Iost our minds.
We became notorious,
we became eminent too.
From our dear ones we are aIienated,
aIienated, aIienated.
Our hearts were murdered,
and tortured too.
Grief has crushed us,
crushed us, crushed us.
Oh, my partner. Oh my partner.
Oh my partner, a rose has bIoomed
in my barren garden on seeing you.
We aren't insane, brother.
We've simpIy Iost our minds.
We aren't insane, brother.
We've simpIy Iost our minds.
Excuse me.
Why are you showing us this bone?
And why have we been kept
in this mentaI asyIum?
And in strait jackets.
Do we Iook insane?
Sir.. - Do you know who I am?
I am Ashok Singhania.
If these strait jackets aren't
taken off immediateIy..
..I'II sue you and your mentaI institution
for MiIIions of Pounds.
PIease caIm down. - No, you caIm down.
Untie us immediateIy.
Fine. Ward-boy, take them away.
What ward-boy. - Take them away.
Okay, one second. One second.
We're caIm, okay. See.
AIright. - PIease reIease them.
Fast. - Thank you.
Let's taIk Iike civiIized peopIe.
I'IIjust ask you some questions.
Can we start?
What's the Iast thing you two remember?
Yesterday we were in a
board meeting. - Yes.
I was presenting something.
And then..
Afterthat we opened our eyes and..
We were here. In the mentaI asyIum.
In strait jackets.
Temporary memory Ioss.
Patients don't rememberwhen
they turned into dogs.
I just..
I am sorry, what did you say?
When you turned into dogs?
Dogs? - Dogs.
What rubbish are you taIking?
I am serious. Yesterday, you
two were behaving Iike dogs.
Oh God. - She caIIed us dogs again.
If we're dogs're a cat.
You're a Iizard. - You're
a 'Chamgadad'.
What's a 'Chamgadad'? - It's a bat
You're a 'Gamchadad'.
- That's 'Chamgadad'.
Yes, whatever. You're that
too. You're the entire zoo.
Ward-boy, take them both
away. - Okay, no.
Listen, Iisten. Sorry.
We're caIm. We're okay.
Ma'am, I think they need some water.
Yeah, pIease give them.
Drink some water.
Look, doctor.
We're teIIing you forthe Iast time.
We're not dogs.
Stop them.
CIose the gates. Stop them.
Let me go.
Inspector, this is pubIic harassment.
Your dog sniffed my entire car.
He even peed on my backseat.
But he didn't find any drugs.
Now can I go pIease?
AIright, you can go.
Thank you. Thank you.
Ashok, Kumar, why are you two..
..barking and sniffing Iike a dog?
Why are you barking on me?
I am Karan T BijIani.
What are you Iooking for inside?
What are you sniffing for?
Officer, these drugs aren't
mine. - WeII done.
This isn't my car either.
I came in a taxi.
Let's go.
Ashok and Kumar, I won't spare you two?
Oh my, God!
How couId we make such
a big mistake, Shivani?
Sir, Ashok and Kumarwere
teIIing the truth.
They've been conspired against.
Someone wants to make them insane.
That's why ourward-boy
was drugging them.
And what did the ward-boy say..
..when you confronted him?
Sir, he isn't saying a thing.
We shouId caII the poIice. - PoIice?
No, no, no, Shivani.
Look, we can deaI with
the ward-boy Iater.
But if we go to the poIice..
..then Ashok Singhania wiII sue us.
He'II shut down this hospitaI.
Yeah! - Let's do one thing.
TeII Ashok and Kumarthat
they're being reIeased..
..because they are cured.
They are cured.
And don't Iisten to them at aII.
Just get them out of here anyway.
In fact, reIease them right
now. - Not now, sir.
They are stiII dogs. They wiII bite me.
In the morning when they turn back
into humans I wiII Iet them go.
It's empty.
Where's my doctor?
Doesn't she come during Iunchtime?
Today is VaIentine's Day.
I've brought a gift for her.
An appIe a day keeps the doctor away.
Nobody can keep her away from me, okay.
I'm going overto Ward-A.
I'II see herface to face
and give herthis gift.
You come aIong too.
It wiII onIy take a minute.
We'IIjust go there, give
herthe gift and come back.
OnIy two minutes.
Two minutes. Come on!
Come on.
Ashok, just caIm down.
- What caIm down?
Thank God you're discharging us today.
Otherwise my Iawyers wouId've shutdown
this institution forever.
Forget it, we're going out anyway.
Come, sir. PIease come, sir.
Wait here for a whiIe, I'II
get your discharge papers.
What papers?
Listen, you reIease us immediateIy.
Sir. - Enough is enough.
Sir, paperwork is important.
It wiII onIy take a whiIe.
Ward-boy. - Yes, ma'am.
PIease get Mr. Ashok and
Mr. Kumar's cIothes.
Sir, pIease wait for a whiIe
I'II be right back.
PIease hurry up. - Yes,
sir. Sorry, sir.
No, no.
Sir. Sir. Sir.
Ashok and Kumar jumped into Ward A.
Oh God, why are You so kind to me?
Thanks. Come on.
She's taking so Iong forthe paperwork.
ReIax, she wiII be here. - What reIax?
I want to go home. - Fine.
Let's have coffee.
I don't want coffee.
Come on. - I don't want coffee.
She wiII be back by then,
Iet's have coffee.
She wiII be back by then.
Two Iattes pIease. - Sure.
Here are your cIothes.
We aren't naked.
We're wearing cIothes.
Dr. Shivani asked me
to give it to you two.
Dr. Shivani. Then we'II
definiteIy wearthem.
Go and change in the toiIet.
Let's go out and drink. - Good idea.
Don't get furious.
Look, we'II soon be reIeased.
Let's just enjoy this weather
and this IoveIy coffee
Today's Weather..
Today's Weather..
LoveIy day for a coffee, right.
ActuaIIy, this isn't
coffee, it's Iatte.
Ah, Latte.
Latein (kicks).
But you don't drink ''Latein'',
you endure it.
Crossed overto ward A,
Look, we aren't mad.
Yes, yes, you aren't mad.
You're just a IittIe crazy.
Grab them. Come on.
Let go. Let me go.
Let us go.
Happy VaIentine's Day.
Thank you!
You Iook more beautifuI up cIose.
She Iooks Iike AngeIina
JoIie from this cIose.
I guess they aren't
compIeteIy sane yet.
ShaII we go?
Come with me, Come with me, pIease.
Come on.
PIease come, pIease.
Open the gate pIease.
Why did you bring us to the gate?
Because.. the road's on the
other side of the main gate.
And today is VaIentine's Day.
So on this occasion you
two are being reIeased.
Here are your reIease papers.
Thank you. - Good bye.
What happened, Mr. Ashok?
I hate goodbyes.
Goodbye hug!
Don't go! Don't go! Don't go!
Mr. Ashok, you're Ieaving not me.
Goodbye. - Doctor.
What now? - Goodbye kiss.
Goodbye. Goodbye.
Come on, at Ieast we don't have to..
..see that oaf Yamraj's face again.
If there's heII anywhere on earth.
Then it's right here.
Its right here. Right here.
The way I am going to
torture you two today..
..wiII be so terribIe, that my Master..
..Jambo Idi Amin, Saddam,
Achtung HitIer.
Gadaffi and chicken hakka
noodIe Kim Jong..
..wouId give me a goId
medaI fortorture.
Now I am going to show you.
Sajid Khan's 'HimmatwaIa'.
Ashok. Kumar.
Kumar. So good to see you guys.
I was on my way to the mentaI
asyIum to see you.
But what are you to doing here.
Today is VaIentine's Day,
so I've been discharged.
Of course, they had to.
You two aren't mad.
We've been trying to
say that for so Iong.
We're just a IittIe crazy.
Ashok, why are you taIking Iike this?
And Kumar, why are you staring at me?
Oh my God.
Aren't you Shanaya, from
the reaIity show?
She's Shanaya. - Your Shanaya.
Madam. Madam. He's a big fan.
I guess they aren't
compIeteIy sane yet.
Look, I feeI you two need some rest.
ShaII we go? - Where?
I get it.
Now you'II take us to
a big house, won't you?
No, it's a mansion.
Your mansion. ShaII we go?
Why are we dancing? - You fooI.
We're on a reaIity show.
'Kaun Banega MiIIionare''.
And this Shanaya picks any common man..
..and makes them rich.
And this time you've been chosen.
You aIso got a mansion.
ShaII we go? - Yes, Iet's go.
Come on.. come on..
AIbert, Shayana messaged that Ashok
and Kumar are coming home.
And you're drinking.
I've toId you a thousand times
not to drink during work hours.
Haven't I? - Yes.
If I catch you drinking during
duty hours I wiII fire you.
It won't happen again.
Crazy feIIow.
I'II take the IabeI off the bottIe.
No one wiII know whether
it's vodka orwater.
And then I kicked him.
And he feII down..
WeIcome home.
What a house.
Dumbo, this is not a reaI house.
It's a set.
Take a peek at the back, I'm sure
it's hoisted with bamboos.
Come on.
But what kind of a reaIity
show is this?
I don't see any cameras.
Do you see cameras in Big Boss?
No, right.
This is in the same format.
Hidden cameras.
And these servants.
They've been hired, per-day artist.
And who's the one that's
waIking towards us.
Her? That's the supporting actor.
Now just act Iike a miIIionaire, okay.
Okay, okay.
WeIcome, sir. It's so
good to have you back.
HeIIo young Iady.
Wow, that's Pran sir. Let's
see you mimic Rajendra Nath.
What a house.
What a bIouse.
Do you have a spouse?
Hey. Wow!
Where are you going?
Sweety, did you miss me?
I missed you so much.
Pardon me, aunty, but
I don't know Punjabi.
Means I understand no Punjabi.
Ashok, wait.
Sir. Sir.
Won't you meet yourfather?
His father passed away
years ago. - Oh my, God!
Don't say that.
He isn't dead..he's in coma.
Coma. - Coma?
PIease excuse me.
There's a 'father in coma'
angIe in pIay here.
Wow! Why?
For TRP!
Women cry a Iot seeing these things.
I get it.
So what do I do?
Dumbo, if there's a father in coma..
..then act Iike they do on daiIy soaps.
You know.
The highest TRP comes from Gujarat.
I get it. I get it.
Wow. Where's papa?
He's been in coma for six years.
He's in coma for six years.
I've wept buckets of
tears in your memory.
He's crying Iike a buffoon
in his memory.
Wake up, papa. Wake up.
Go jogging, papa. Go jogging. - What?
A son is taIking to his father.
WiII you pIease step outside?
I beg you. - Okay, okay, come on.
PIease go out.
Hey too.
Leave quickIy.
You're over acting too much. Get up.
UncIe, get up.
Get up.
UncIe. - UncIe.
UncIe. - UncIe.
What method acting, uncIe?
What's method acting?
Once you get in the skin
of the character..
..then you get out onIy after
the end of the episode.
Then wiII he Iie down Iike that..
..throughout the entire episode? - Yes.
That's what he's paid for.
Wow! Video games.
Why isn't it working?
It's broken.
It's not broken, there's
a fauIt with the wiring.
ReaIIy? - Look.
Dumbo, this wire doesn't
go here, it goes there.
It won't fit here.
It goes here, not there.
It doesn't go here.
It does.
It does, put it.
The game's working.
I won! I won! I won!
Yes, Mishti.
Ashok and Kumar have been discharged
from the mentaI asyIum.
And they are at home.
I mean..good. That's great news.
You Iook afterthem. I'II return
tomorrow from Mauritius.
I'II see you guys then. - Okay, sir.
You said you can keep them in the
hospitaI for as Iong as you want.
Yes, I did. So?
So how were they reIeased
from the asyIum?
AII rubbish taIks.
HoId on, Iisten to me.
I'II go the asyIum right now and
find out how they were reIeased.
Get them back in the asyIum today!
How did they come out?
You've been at it for
two hours. Hurry up.
Is your information correct?
Yes. I found out that there's a way
out through the bathroom ceiIing.
Hurry up!
You aIready drank fifty
gIasses of water.
How much more do you need?
Let me concentrate.
Come on.
Go.. go..
Come on.
What are you doing?
I've got to pee.
If the warden catches us he'II kiII us.
Hurry up. - I know, but..I'm coming.
I can't beIieve you, hurry up.
I had fifty gIasses of water.
We'II be caught.
I am coming.
Chit-chat in the bathroom.
Caught you!
I haven't finished yet.
I can't controI it.
No, no.
ControI. ControI.
Done. Done.
What's wrong, baby!
We gave an off to aII the servants..
..and prepared this speciaI
VaIentines dinnerfor you.
And we thought chicken aIa-Keev
is yourfavorite.
Ourfavorite is potato 'Paratha'.
Potato 'Paratha'?
But we don't know how to make it.
So what? We'II make it.
When did you two start making
potato 'Parathas'?
Madam, there are just two things
famous in this worId.
OnIy two!
Bruce Lee's karate.
And Ashok-Kumar's Parathe.
Where's your kitchen?
Where is it?
First take fIour.
FIour! FIour!
Next add Iots of water.
Water. Water. Water. Water.
Vodka in pancake
That was great.
Buddy, sometimes you make
the most amazing parathas.
I never had such parathas
in my Iife before.
I can see two Ashoks.
Even I can see two Kumars.
Come here.
Come here.
VaIentine's dinner is over.
Now Iet's do what's
done on VaIentine's.
No, no.
We need to go for a morning
waIk after dinner.
No, no. - Kumar.
Don't go.
Come on.
Stick one there.
Come on, stick it up there.
There as weII.
Put one on the sky and
on the ground too.
Let's see how they escape.. my area?
Excuse me.
Why are Ashok and Kumar's posters
being put up everywhere?
Because these two dogs
fIed from this asyIum.
You mean they haven't been discharged.
I wouId never reIease them.
But who are you?
They were admitted in this
asyIum after my diagnosis.
I am Dr. Khan.
You Iook more Iike a
protein shake modeI.
I know where these two are hiding?
If you teII me where they are hiding..
..I'II make your nights coIorfuI.
What do you mean?
I mean..I'II gift you coIorfuI Iamps.
Don't get ideas, mister.
I know young men Iike you.
Then Iisten. - Yes.
But from a distance.
Then speak Iouder..but in my ears.
Where's everyone?
Forget it.
I guess your staff was having a
paratha party in your absence.
I am hungry.
I am eating these parathas.
Me too.
Sweety-pie, don't stay so farfrom me.
Wait. Wait.
We'II go change.
Night-suit. Night-suit. Night-suit.
Change Iater.
What kind of a staff do you have..
..and what type of parathas
did they make?
It's making my head spin.
They're my staff.
They're excused.
Must be some spice which they added.
My head's spinning too.
Let's go sIeep.
Let's go change first.
Come with me. FoIIow me.
Why are you taking so Iong?
EarIierwe couId see two of them.
Now I can see four.
And in different coIor night suits.
Oh, baby. - Come here, baby.
Your attitude is intoxicating to me.
Your heart is my address.
I am feeIing naughty,
Iisten to my heart.
I'm so crazy for you, baby.
Don't you break my heart.
Lest our night together gets destroyed.
You have checked into my heart.
Everything is set between us now.
This is the breaking news on TV.
This is the breaking news on TV.
I am Iost and you are Iost.
Your heart is my address.
AII my dreams are fuII of you.
I'm so crazy for you, baby.
Don't you break my heart.
Lest our night together gets destroyed.
Baby, you are in my dreams.
Baby, you know how I'm so hung on you.
Baby, now you teII me what to do.
Baby, now you teII me..
TeII me what to do.
You teII me what you want.
Your heart is my address.
I want you to say this
Iike you mean it, baby.
I'm so crazy for you, baby.
Don't you break my heart.
Lest our night together gets destroyed.
Yes, Ayesha.
The channeI head's coming
here to meet me.
Oh my, God!
I think I am going to get
an extension of my show.
Thanks for Ietting me know.
Okay, I'II go get ready. Bye.
The reaIity show's channeI
head's coming here.
The owner of this channeI..
..which hosts our reaIity
show is coming here.
So? - So?
We'II pIease him and he'II
make us win this show.
But how wiII we pIease him?
My granmother used to say..
..if you want to pIease someone
then butter him up.
I guess that's him.
These two are stiII here?
Stupid Khan couIdn't do a simpIe job.
Ashok. Kumar.
Sir. Come, sir. - You two..
Come. Come, sir. Sit.
Come, sir. Sit.
Sir, you're so handsome.
What a suit, sir. Sir,
shouIder massage?
Sir, head massage?
What sir?
Ashok. Kumar. Are you two aIright?
We're absoIuteIy fine, sir.
Sir, your reaIity show 'Kaun
Banega MiIIionaire'.. just fantastic.
ReaIity show?
Ashok. Kumar.
You do know who I am? - Of course, sir.
Everyone knows who you are.
You're the owner of ChanneI 9.
When Shivani reIeased
us from the asyIum..
..and Shanaya chose us as
participants we knew..
That our Iuck's going to change.
Our Iuck's going to change.
We can dance too, sir.
See, we're such good contestants.
We even have good set of teethes.
Look at our muscIes, sir.
What are you two doing?
Look at us fight.
And Iook at this, sir.
What are you two doing?
And, Iook at this amazing death scene.
Ready? Ready?
What are you guys doing?
We showed you everything.
PIease Iet us win this show.
Let us win this show.
Look..we can do anything
to win this show.
What do you two mean? What can I do?
I get it. I get it. - What can I do?
You won't agree so easiIy.
What are you doing?
What are you two doing?
What are you doing?
We're buttering you, sir.
It's absoIuteIy fresh, sir.
Made from buffaIo's miIk.
What nonsense is this?
We even buttered you up now.
PIease Iet us win the show.
PIease, sir. - Okay, okay, okay. Fine.
Oh, God!
PIease Iet us win, sir. - I'II
show you anothertrick.
I'II puII this tabIe-cIoth out..
..and none of the utensiI
wiII faII. Okay.
They are compIeteIy mad.
It worked the Iast time.
There were no utensiIs
on the tabIe Iast time.
HeIIo. - Khan.
Did you find out how Ashok and Kumar..
..were reIeased from the mentaI asyIum?
ActuaIIy, they weren't reIeased..
..they had escaped.
But Iast night, I brought
them back to the asyIum..
..with the heIp of the warden.
Then teII me something you rascaI.
What are those two doing
in garden right now?
I mean they are right here.
But how's that possibIe?
They are right before my eyes
in the asyIum's B-wing.
What nonsense.
Come and see for yourseIf.
What are you bIabbering?
Those two are here?
Do you know what they've
done to me at home?
They buttered my face.
Thank God you're here.
What's happening with us?
Why are we in a mentaI asyIum?
And..we were reIeased.
So why are we being kept here?
Ashok. Kumar. I am so
sorry about aII this. certainIy the doing
of our rivaI companies.
But you two don't worry.
I wiII do my best to get
you two out of here.
And when I find out who
drugged your gIasses..
..during the board meeting,
I won't spare him.
I wiII get you two out of
here at any cost, okay.
I'II be back.
How did you know our
gIasses were drugged?
Son..the doctortoId me.
How couId I not see this coming?
You're behind aII this.
No, no, Ashok. Of course not.
Dad's in coma.
I am in jaiI.
So who wiII run the company?
And the company's cIause states that..
..if you Iose your mentaI
baIance, then..
You'II be given the temporary
power of attorney.
And wiII be permanent.
Caught me! Caught me! Caught me!
FinaIIy you two saw my true coIors.
But..Iook at the irony of Iife.
I am the one that's caught red-handed..
..and you two are behind bars.
Yes, I dosed you with that drug.
And that drug was prepared by Dr. Khan.
He's a big rascaI..
..Kunwar Amar Nath Singh.
KANS. (mythoIogicaI viIIain)
So how can you expect
any goodness from him?
In the next board meeting..
..I'II be the new boss of Singhania
Group of Industries.
And you..wiII officiaIIy handover
the entire property to me.
Now you'II ask how.
We have your Iook-aIikes.
And right now..
..they are at your house.
And it's no rocket science
to understand..
..that they are the
reaI mentaI patients.
And you're being heId
here in their pIace.
You know what I mean.
Two DoubIe roIes.
And coincidentIy, do you
know what their names are?
Ashok..and Kumar!
Now..I'm going to use
those stupid doubIes..
..and seize the entire property.
And yes..after Iast night's
'great escape'..
..there's no chance of escaping again.
Because aII the security
Iocks have been changed.
Now you two wiII rot here.
See you guys Iike..
I've seen and heard everything.
What are you doing?
I want to show you two something.
Come with me
Consider me a friend. Come on.
There aren't just two Iook-aIikes here.
There are three.
This is the most dangerous..
..and insane patient
of this institution.
That's why he's been
kept in secret ward C.
When I saw your uncIe, I couIdn't
beIieve my eyes either.
Just Iike you two can't beIieve it.
Get ready KANS.
If you have our Iook-aIikes ..
..then we've your Iook-aIike.
The reaI fun begins.
Ashok. Kumar.
Cyrus has toId me everything..
..that happened with you.
Somehow I feeI very guiIty.
Confused by your Iook-aIikes..
..I reIeased the other Ashok and Kumar.
Now that you know everything..
..I'm sure you understand that.. important Johnny's for us.
Doctor, if we train Johnny
to act Iike my uncIe..
..then wiII you heIp
us get out of here?
Of course.
I am with you. - Thank you.
HoId on.
No one can heIp anyone here.
I admit that I took you to see Johnny..
..but I don't think he's
of any use to you.
Why? - He's got 3rd stage OCD
What? 3rd stage OCD? - Yes, doctor.
3rd stage? OCD?
What's that?
OCD. Obsessive CompuIsive Disorder.
An iIIness to stay cIean.
They are scared of germs. Wear gIoves.
Yes, but that's stage one.
Stage two patients are
a threat to themseIves.
Like..they'II rub soap so hard..
..that they'II bIeed themseIves.
But stage three.
Stage three cases are very rare.
AImost one in a miIIion.
Their condition is so worse..
..that if someone sneezes, they feeI..
..he's trying to kiII them
by spreading germs.
They attack to kiII.
And Johnny has aIready attacked
seventeen peopIe.
What nonsense.
If someone sneezes Johnny
wiII kiII him?
Yes. - Yes.
And anyway, how can you use someone..
..who attacks even if someone sneezes?
We won't sneeze.
PIease don't sneeze.
Don't sneeze.
Don't sneeze.
Why wiII I sneeze?
PIease, Ieave it to us.
Hi, Johnny.
I am Ashok, this is Kumar.
We're from Ward-B.
ActuaIIy, our Iook-aIikes
are in Ward-B.
ActuaIIy, they aren't in Ward-B either.
They are at hour home.
And we're stuck in their pIace instead.
And the one that got us in here..
..has a Iook-aIike too.
Do you know who?
Now we've two choices.
Eitherwe spend the rest
of our Iives here..
..and turn crazy ourseIves.
Orwe take revenge from the man..
..that got us in here.
And if we chose the second option..
..then we'II need your heIp.
And if you heIp us, Johnny..
..then I promise to get you treated.. the best doctors in the worId.
I'II take you some pIace..
..where you're treated
Iike a human being
A pIace..which is absoIuteIy cIean.
Where there's no dirt.
No germs.
Where no one wiII ever sneeze.
I hate germs.
I hate germs.
Open the door. Open the
door. - Get out! Get out!
I hate germs!
It's not opening, it's jammed.
Open the door.
He's gone berserk. Open it quickIy.
I hate germs!
I hate germs! - I am sorry.
I am sorry, Johnny.
Johnny..son..Iisten to me. Let's taIk.
No, no, no, no.
PIease stop, Johnny. - LoIIypop.
PIease stop, Johnny. - LoIIypop.
Get up.
He Ioves IoIIypop.
WiII you heIp us?
Did you catch anything? - No.
And you? - Yes.
What? - This rod.
Ashok. Kumar.
Sir, you.
Where were you? - You ran away.
I've been Iooking aII
overthe house for you.
And you two are fishing
in this artificiaI pond.
Sir, we're catching fish for you.
Butterfish, Indian SaImon.
MackereI. Prawns.
Shut up!
What is this? What are you two doing?
You said 'shirt up', so
we puIIed our 'shirt-up'.
Lower it. PuII it down.
Are you here to puII such antics..
..orwin the show?
Win the show. - Then stop aII this.
I've to start yourtraining.
What training, sir?
Yourtraining to be a miIIionaire.
Do you want to win this reaIity show?
You do want to make one miIIion
Pounds, don't you?
Yes, sir.
Our channeI has received
thousands of sms'.
PeopIe reaIIy Iove you.
What..what are you two doing?
Again. Stop. Stop it.
Stand straight.
If you behave Iike this,
wear such cIothes..
..then you'II be disquaIified.
- Sorry, sir.
From today I'm coming on
this reaIity show too.
But..not as the channeI head.
But as Ashok's uncIe.
His mother's..
His uncIe.
In-short, you've to do as I say.
Without asking any questions. Okay.
Okay. - Sir, we'II do as you say.
Just Iet us win this show.
Let us win. - I wiII.
Let go.
Just wait and watch.
When you two attend aII
the board meetings..
..and parties with me, the
worId wiII be shocked..
..when I say..
GentIemen, I proudIy present to you..
..Kuwar Amar Nath Singh.
Respected members of the board.
I'm pIeased to teII you that..
..Ashok and Kumar are
compIeteIy cured now.
So I wouId Iike to request aII of you.. once again handover
the power of attorney.. Ashok Singhania.
BriIIiant. - Yes.
Take it.
Thank you.
Come on. Very good.
Now get back to your ceIIs..
..before that Yamraj comes here.
You spoke my name.
You thought of me.
Sir, pIease don't torture us.
We beg you.
But I have nothing to spare.
Boys, you know the driII.
Come on.
Don't touch him. Don't touch him.
Johnny, go. Go.
Come on, take them away.
HitIer's favorite dish, chicken steak.
A Iot of crazy peopIe Iike you..
..make shoes and cIothes
in the workshop..
..for poor chiIdren of Burma.
And they're shipped from here daiIy.
But..I seII haIf of them right here.
First..I'II torture you three..
..and then ship you off
to Burma in these crates.
I hate germs!
I hate germs!
I hate germs!
I hate germs!
I hate germs!
I hate germs!
I hate germs!
Johnny! No!
Johnny! You wiII kiII him!
I hate germs! - Johnny, stop.
Doctor. Johnny! - I hate germs!
Johnny. LoIIypop.
Kumar, Iift him by his arms.
What are you two doing?
He was pIanning to send us to Burma.
Now he'II go to Burma.
Come on, there's a safe way to
escape through the bathroom.
ActuaIIy, the warden's right here.
So we can go out the main-gate.
You can hide in the trunk of my car.
I wiII first cIean the trunk.
Come on. Let's go.
Everything wiII be fine now.
You caII this perfect.
Two days Iaterthat uncIe of yours..
..wiII use your Iook-aIike in
your Mauritius Beach Resort.. front of your Board Members..
..and strip you of yourfortune.
You wiII be ruined in two days.
You wiII Iose everything.
And you caII it perfect.
Mishit, is your information correct?
Yes, sir.
I overheard your uncIe discuss
the entire pIan..
..overthe phone with Dr. Khan.
Dinner Party on Friday.
Get-together on Saturday.
And aII important conferences
on Sunday.
That's why I caIIed it perfect.
We won't get a better chance.
The three of them wiII be
together at the same pIace.
And with the board members.
We'II go there..
..and exchange pIaces with our
Iook-aIikes at the right moment.
And then Ashok, Kumar and Kans
wiII attend the conference.
And Johnny, as we discussed.
In the meeting you'II teII the board
members that I am absoIuteIy fine.
And the entire property shouId
be returned to me. Okay?
What about those three then?
Back to the mentaI asyIum..
..where you wiII treat Ashok and Kumar.
And what about Kans.
He'II rot in Ward-C forever.
Good pIan. Done?
Done. - Done.
Done. - Not done.
Why? - If anyone sees you
with your Iook-aIike..
..then it'II be hard to recognize
which is the reaI one.
Fine, then we'II go there in disguise.
Done. - Done.
Not done. - What now?
Because aII the bookings are strictIy
done for company empIoyees..
..and board members.
Each person is accounted for. can't go there
in disguise either.
Sir, there's one way.
I had a word with the
resort managertoday.
And they are hiring waitresses.
If you don't mind..
You can go there disguised
as waitresses.
By the way, it's not a bad option.
You three wiII Iook reaIIy cute.. a waitress outfit.
It's not funny, doctor.
There's no otherway, guys.
This is your onIy chance
to take revenge on Kans.
Don't Iet it sIip.
So done?
I'II wear a red frock.
Ladies and GentIemen, can I
have your attention pIease.
Thank you.
To aII our board members
and theirfamiIies..
..a warm weIcome to Mauritius.
Here, we're dressed as girIs.
What next?
Now go and fIirt with those three.
And renderthem unconscious
with chIoroform.
Wow. Is it so simpIe?
Why wouId anyone fIirt with us?
Because of this.
What are pheromones?
Haven't you seen that ad where..
..the boy sprays a perfume on himseIf
and aII the girIs go crazy?
It's something Iike that..for boys.
Oh my, God.
You're a ceIebrity, aren't you?
I know you. You're Kumar.
You used to make 'Parathas'
at South HaII.
I used to, but now I am a miIIionaire.
You aren't my husband.
What do you mean? -
Means..I'm a big fan.
Every time I ate your Paratha.. made me feeI Iike I
had grown 'Par' (wings).
PIease, can I have one
autograph and one pic?
No autograph. I am hungry.
I'II go have the buffet.
- Where are you going?
I mean..the buffet's that way.
This way. See.
Baby doII. You're absoIuteIy right.
The buffet's right here.
Someone might see us here.
This isn't right.
I can't do any better in this pIace.
When do you want it? - What?
Oh! I was scared.
My pen and paper is in the cabin.
Come to my cabin.
'Good deeds need no invitation.'
But no smooch here.
Come on. - Let's go.
Come on. - Let's go.
Come on. - Let's go.
Oh my, God. I am so sorry.
I am so sorry, I ruined your shirt.
Then cIean it.
Not here, come with the washroom.
I'II cIean it up.
Your perfume's reaIIy nice.
It's awakening the animaI in me.
I bought it at the duty-free.
Enough about duty-free..
..when is this beauty going to be free?
In a whiIe.
Then make me another drink.
This is the IocaI stuff.
I've got the internationaI
stuff with me.
At the back, in the corner.
Then Iet's go in the corner.
By the way, what name shouId I write?
My name is Sona.
GoId in EngIish, or sIeep.
SIeep! That's what I want, baby.
What are you doing? I am scared.
What's happened, baby? What's happened?
Rich peopIe Iike you
come here for a break.
And break our hearts instead.
I am not that type of a guy.
Even I am not that type of a guy.
I mean I am not that type of a girI.
Then what type of a girI
are you.. Chandi (SiIver).
Virgin AirIines, siIIy.
I was the airhostess.
But they fired me.
Why did they fire my sweetheart?
One day my ex-boyfriend..
Met me on the fIight.
So I yeIIed aIoud.
Hi Jack.
You just hijacked me.
Looking at you I feeI.. if someone
Iike you comes in my Iife.
Then you'II be fIoored.
No, he'II be the father of my kid.
You've a kid, Heera?
No, no.
No one's turned this
bud into a fIower yet.
You're more Iike a cauIifIower.
'Gobi Ka PhooI!' (CauIifIower)
No.. I am a mistake.
I was born in a Iaundry.
Then I'II have to dry-cIean your youth.
By the way what are your vitaI stats?
Wow..what numbers.
I am big fan of these numbers.
You're sweating so much.
Let me wipe it.
'Oh my, God! The chIoroform
isn't working.'
Don't fear, come near.
Put my passion in third top gear.
Sir, sir, pIease not today. - Why?
Today's my 'Brath' (fast).
- What 'Brath'?
Bad 'Brath'. (Bad breath)!
SmeII it. SmeII it.
SmeII it.
What's this way of making
me smeII your perfume?
This is my favorite
perfume. - Which one?
'Dakaar' (Burp).
Then make me smeII it.
SmeII it. SmeII it.
SmeII it. SmeII it.
Do you feeI giddy?
Why wouId I feeI giddy, darIing?
What are you doing?
PIaying hanky-panky.
Hanky-panky. Hanky-panky.
I want to pIay hanky-panky with you.
No, no, not today.
Tomorrow. - Tomorrow where?
The pIace where no one goes.
If no one goes there, then
why are we going there?
So that..we meet in private.
Okay. I'm going. Bye.
Where are you going, baby?
Let me go.
PIease, Iet me go. I'II see you Iater.
HeIp! HeIp! HeIp! - CaIm down, girIs.
CaIm down. - What happened?
It's true.
AII men are such rascaIs.
- What happened?
No soonerthey see a
girI in short skirt..
..they pounce on her Iike animaIs.
GirIs. GirIs, what happened?
Her chIoroform didn't work. Why?
Oh my God. I just reaIized.
Pheromone kiIIs the
effect of chIoroform.
GirIs. GirIs. GirIs, caIm
down. PIease caIm down.
Tomorrow you keep romancing them..
..and..Ieave the rest to us.
PIease, pIease, sister, don't be Iate.
Otherwise..he won't be
abIe to face anyone.
We see stars in broad dayIight.
AII our aspirations are joIIy.
My heart simpIy wants more of you.
We see stars in broad dayIight.
AII our aspirations are joIIy.
My heart simpIy wants more of you.
Open the window to your heart
open the doorto your heart.
Door, door, door.''
Open the window to your heart
open the doorto your heart.
Door, door, door.''
Your intentions are very deviIish.
My youth is unavaiIabIe.
I am a fragiIe beIIe. Do not tease me.
Our story wiII onIy Iast
a coupIe of seconds.
I know your intent. I
know you inside out.
I won't beIieve you no
matterwhat you say.
My heart's guitar beckons you.
AII our aspirations are joIIy.
My heart simpIy wants more of you.
''Open the window to your heart
open the doorto your heart.
Door, door, door.''
There is taIk that you are a fIirt.
You Iook one way and aim the otherway.
Go away for you won't succeed with me.
Your eyes are wicked and you
have an uIterior motive.
I am the princess of angeIs.
My freedom is dearto me.
You are totaI disaster, my dear.
The beIIs of Iove toII.
AII our aspirations are joIIy.
My heart simpIy wants more of you.
Open the window to your heart
open the doorto your heart.
Door, door, door.''
Open the window to your heart
open the doorto your heart.
Door, door, door.''
Baby doII.
Mister, why did you bring
me on the terrace?
The water in the Jacuzzi's warm.
So what are we waiting for?
Look, I am an Indian girI.
I cannot do aII this
before marriage. Yes.
Then why don't we take
rounds of the Jacuzzi.
Shut up!
WeIcome to my casting.. - Ouch!
These Indian cIothes don't
Iook good on you at aII.
Let's take them off.
Mister. What are you doing?
Don't do this. Don't be so crueI.
Mister. Oh my, God!
I feII down.
You reaIIy are very IowIy.
Mister, don't do it.
Oh, God! Oh, God!
Shock! Shock!
Oh, God!
Shock! Shock!
Oh, God!
Oh, God! Oh, God!
Oh, God! Oh, God! - Run! Run!
Shock! Shock!
Oh, God!
What happened? Where did those two go?
They ran out screaming. - Why?
I don't know. Those two are crazy.
Very good, our job just got easier.
Let's change cIothes quickIy we've
to get to the board meeting.
I wonderwhat's happening with Johnny.
You can't do anything
now. The bed's broken.
You're a bed yourseIf, darIing.
No I am not, I am a sister.
And I am very sinister.
Don't come any cIoser.
Don't come any cIoser.
I'm no good to you. Don't
come any cIoser.
Don't sneeze!
I hate germs!
I hate germs!
I hate germs!
He sneezed again.
He sneezed again. Run.
HeIp. HeIp.
He sneezed again. HeIp me.
Why does every woman run away from me?
I'm getting Iate forthe meeting.
I hope Johnny's ready.
ShaII we?
Let's go.
HeIp. - Johnny.
HeIp. - Johnny, wait.
Johnny, what are you doing here?
You shouId be upstairs with uncIe Kans.
He threw me on the bed. I feII down.
He sneezed.
I hit him. Then he Iied down.
I can't do it.
It's aIright. Now do one thing.
Go inside. Here.
Take these cIothes.
Get changed and take your
pIace in the conference.
Ashok and Kumar must be
waiting for you, right?
WiII anyone sneeze there?
Not at aII.
Good boy.
Good boy.
Good morning.
Sorry forthe deIay, GentIemen.
PIease sit down.
Distinguished members of the Board.
The agenda of this meeting.. to discuss the future Ieadership..
..of the Singhania Group of Companies.
As you aII know, due to their iIIness..
..they had strange fits, they
were sent to a asyIum.
They had to undergo treatment.
Doctors say there's been..
..considerabIe improvement
in their condition.
Johnny's acting reaIIy weII.
But..not enough to handIe
the companies.
I want that the temporary
power of attorney..
..vested with me shouId
be made permanent.
And Ashok Singhania himseIf
wiII say this.
TeII them.
This is what happens
if you trust a madman.
We were sent to the mentaI asyIum but
I think uncIe's getting the fits.
What? Ashok?
We're just as crazy as aII of you.
I am absoIuteIy fine, GentIemen.
And I want my power of attorney.. be rightfuIIy returned to me.
Ashok? - AIright?
Now aII those in favor
pIease raise your hands.
Thank you.
What are you aII doing?
It's the question of
our company's future.
PIease Iower your hands. Lowerthem.
Down. PIease, down.
I think Ashok's getting fits again.
Ashok, you were just saying..
..that you can't even ride a cycIe,
Iet aIone run a company.
Hey uncIe, enough of you.
You think we'IIjust Iisten
quietIy to whatever you say.
Kumar, stay out of this.
Why shouId he stay out of this?
Because he isn't famiIy member.
He's Iike famiIy.
Like famiIy, but he isn't famiIy.
Get Iost you..
To heII with the reaIity
show. - Don't say that.
We're so cIose to winning.
And if we don't go forthe meeting
we'II be disquaIified.
Come on, pIease. PIease, Iet's go.
Okay. - Thank you, Iet's go.
Sorry. - Sorry.
We'II never do it again.
- I'II never do it again.
ShaII we go forthe meeting?
Stop it! - He cannot
taIk to me Iike this.
CaIm down.
HoId on!
HoId on! Wait. PIease.
There's a smaII confusion.
PIease step outside and sort
out this confusion peacefuIIy.
PIease step outside.
Come outside right now. - Let's go.
Come outside right now. - Yes, come.
I am sorry, it's just
a misunderstanding.
Wow! That was fast.
Is it aII sorted?
So what have you aII decided?
Distinguished members of the board.
As you aII know, due to their iIIness..
..they suffered strange fits.
They were sent to the mentaI asyIum.
They had to undergo treatment.
The doctors say that..
..there's been considerabIe improvement
in their condition.
In fact, the improvement's so good..
..that they can run
the companies again.
I wouId Iike to request you aII.. return the temporary
power of attorney..
..vested with me back to Ashok.
What are you doing?
UncIe taught us something eIse..
..and now he's saying
something different.
I think..he's gone crazy
afterthat fat girI.
But you say what you've been taught.
AII those in favor pIease
raise your hands.
My God!
Get up. - No, no, no,
what are you aII doing?
Hands down, hands down. You aIso down.
Hands down.
Hey baIdy, Iower your hand.
I admit we aren't mad..
But we're stiII crazy.
So I suggest that you..
..make this temporary power
of attorney permanent..
..and give it to uncIe.
What are you saying?
No, no, no.
Give it to them.
No, no, no, no.
Give it to him.
Stop it. - Come on.
Why you.. - Enough! Enough!
Enough! Enough!
What are you doing?
You got so engrossed
in uncIe's character..
..that you forgot you're
his Iook-aIike.
You're Johnny from Ward-C.
We got you out of jaiI.
We trained you.
We were going to make your Iife better.
And you were uttering
rubbish in the meeting.
Now Iook, you know what
to do once you're inside.
You've to handover aII
the companies to me.
Now..I understand everything.
Good. Now Iet's go inside.
Come on.
I beg your pardon, sir.
Let me cIean it. Let me cIean it.
But you shouId get the companies.
No, no, no. You shouId
get the companies.
But what wiII I do with
these companies?
But what wiII I do with
these companies.
WiII you aII shut up!
There's a Iimit to everything!
I am extremeIy sorry.
I think there's stiII some confusion.
PIease step outside..
..and sort this confusion
out peacefuIIy.
UncIe, you first.
No, no, no, you first.
No, no, no, uncIe..
I beg you. PIease.
For God sake.. pIease
go out and sort this.
PIease step outside.
I am..
They are the reaI ones.
They are the reaI Ashok and Kumar.
I wonderwhere those crazy
feIIows disappeared to.
Do something orwe'II Iose
the entire fortune.
Do something. - ReIax,
I'II do something.
Members of the board.
AII the confusion is
now compIeteIy cured.
The man who's been dreaming.. be the chairman of this company..
..wants to say something to aII of you.
Come, uncIe.
WiII you teII the truth.. or do I?
Come on, uncIe, everyone's waiting.
No, you take it.
What's going on?
Oh, God!
Shock! Shock!
What are you waiting for? Run.
Fire! There's a fire in the hoteI.
Everyone get out.
He escaped.
ReIax, Kuwar. - What reIax?
That Ashok and Kumar came
up with my Iook-aIike.
And I wonderwhere our crazy Ashok
and Kumar disappeared to.
Your PIan A and PIan
B faiIed miserabIy.
You're teIIing me to reIax.
Look, PIan A and PIan B faiIed..
..but PIan C won't.
What PIan C?
Ashok. Kumar.
Oh, these two fooIs were
hiding at your pIace.
Hi, uncIe.
You've put on weight again.
Let's go take..steam, sauna.
First we'II take steam..
and then sauna.
Why are they taIking Iike Chinku-Pinku?
Because they aren't your
crazy Ashok and Kumar.
In fact, they are my assistants
How is that even possibIe?
When you were training those
crazy Ashok and Kumar..
..I was capturing theirfaciaI
moIecuIar structure.
So that I couId perform
pIastic surgery on them.
PIastic surgery?
Oh my, God.
Oh my, God.
Oh my, God!
But..why do these two sound
Iike Ashok and Kumar.
Voice moduIator chip.
He stuffed it in himseIf.
This is reaIIy fantastic.
Now tomorrow, at the House of Commons..
..Chinku and Pinku.. No.
Ashok and KumarwiII go with us.
And finaIIy they wiII handover..
..the entire property to me. - Yes.
Don't forget my One miIIion Pounds.
Why one miIIion, Doc, I'II
give you two miIIion.
You're a genius.
Yes, I'II give you two as weII.
We're reaIIy going through a bad phase.
UncIe Kans knows we've his Iook-aIike.
And actuaIIy speaking
he's no Iongerwith us.
I wonderwhere Johnny disappeared to.
Things just cannot get worse for us.
Sorry, guys, they just did.
What the heII.
Kuwar Amar Nath Singh's the new owner..
..of Singhania Group of Companies.
OfficiaI signing is tomorrow.
At the House of Commons.
How did this happen?
Don't worry.
The officiaI signing hasn't
taken pIace yet.
We stiII have one day to stop him.
But where do we find that crazy Johnny?
Dear, I've finished my
chores. Can I Ieave?
Yes, aunt.
That's my BaIbir.
Do you know BaIbir?
No, aunt. You're mistaken.
He isn't BaIbir, that's
their uncIe Kans.
If he's Kans.. then you're
How Iong have I been your housemaid?
Ten years.
Have I ever Iied?
But.. - I said that's my nephew
BaIbir, then that's BaIbir.
Aunt, I am sorry..but, are you sure?
Look at them.
How dare you doubt me?
You two are in the photo
too, so why ask me?
That's my nephew BaIbir.
He runs a nightcIub in South HaII.
See you.
That means..
TripIe RoIe!
Baby doII, don't do it.
Listen to me.
What are you doing? I'II be ruined.
You important
today's function is.
Listen to me.
HeIIo. HeIIo.
Why are you aII staring at me?
Who are you peopIe? What do you want?
Same face.
Say it.
BaIbir, we need your heIp.
A poor man has Iimited means.
I am not capabIe of heIping anyone.
I need heIp myseIf.
The item girI of this dance bar..
..who's the main attraction
here signed a movie.
Sir, pIease Iisten to us.
When I came here from Ludhiana..
..everyone said a dance barwiII never
do good business in South HaII.
But I made it successfuI. I did.
And today's this dance
bar's 5th Anniversary.
The peopIe wiII be here
in haIf an hour.
But the girI they're coming
here to watch isn't here.
Now..wiII I dance here in my shorts?
I am ruined. I'II be humiIiated.
My dance barwiII cIose
down. What do I do?
We can heIp you.
One minute. Guys, come here.
Your dance barwon't cIose down..
..norwiII your show be canceIIed.
NeitherwiII you be humiIiated.
But..if we heIp you, you wiII
have to heIp us in return.
I am ready to do anything, I swear.
I'II do as you say, pIease.
But what are you aII going to do?
By god, we wiII serve you.
Oh my queen BuIIo.
By god, it wiII be a big hit.
Our Iove story.
By god, come for my sake.
Come, come, come, come.
By god, don't break
my heart by Ieaving.
Don't go, don't go, don't go, don't go.
How can I simpIy give my heart to you?
My Iove wiII prove very dearto you.
Go away, go away.
Come, come. Come to
your Iover's market.
Come, come. Come to
your Iover's market.
Why do you produce new
stories every day?
Why do you come here to squander
your peace and soIace?
You are my peace, you are my soIace.
Come evening and my heart
Ieads me to your path.
How can I simpIy give my heart to you?
My Iove wiII prove very dearto you.
Go away, go away.
Come, come. Come to
your Iover's market.
Come, come. Come to
your Iover's market.
Come by car if not by scooty.
Cross the seven seas and come to me.
My heart beckons, come with Iove.
Come, come, come, come.
Don't underestimate my attitude.
My Iove is razor sharp, not a mystery.
I am your confidant, I am your Romeo.''
My heart truIy Ioves you,
it is not a traitor.
How can I simpIy give my heart to you?
My Iove wiII prove very dearto you.
Go away, go away.
Come, come. Come to
your Iover's market.
Come, come. Come to
your Iover's market.
The mentaI asyIum is much better
then this outerworId.
Yes, in there we're given
eIectric shocks..
..onIy if we make a mistake
Out here..we aIways get shocked
one way or another.
And Shivani's here too.
Come on, Iet's go inside.
We don't want to win this
reaIity show. Come on.
That wasn't a reaIity show.
UncIe! - No.
I am not uncIe.
I am the uncIe's Iook-aIike, Johnny.
And you two are Ashok and
Kumar's Iook-aIikes.
We shouId heIp Ashok and Kumar.
They are very nice peopIe.
AII our Iives we've
done onIy bad things.
Now we've an opportunity
to do something good.
Let's go..and expose that rascaI uncIe.
HeIIo, boys!
I am back!
Because of you three,
the peopIe of Burma..
..Ieft me unworthy of facing anyone.
What? - But now..
..I'II take you three back..
..and I'II get my oId job again.
Come on. - Shut up!
Shut up?
You insect. SpineIess creature.
SIapstick comedy!
Why you? - Stop.
You are mistaken.
I..I am Kuwar Amar Nath Singh.
And these two aren't
the Ashok and Kumar..
..from your mentaI asyIum.
They are my Ashok and Kumar.
What but? Are you stupid?
They Ashok and Kumar
you're Iooking for..
..are our Iook-aIikes. - Yes.
Look-aIikes. New story.
I'II teII your story to the worId.
What the peopIe of Burma did with you..
..shouId I put that on Facebook?
ShouId I put it on Whatsapp?
- ShouId I put it on Twitter?
He has many foIIowers on
Twitter. I don't know how?
But I do. I do.
I hate sociaI networking.
Let us go, we'II go and
catch those Iook-aIikes.
Sir. Sir, take me aIong too.
Forthe sake of my tainted honor.
When I find those three..
..I'II make their pIight such that..
Why are you scared?
I was taIking about those Iook-aIikes.
FoIIow me. - This way.
FoIIow me.
Today, on the speciaI occasion
of 15th August..
..I wouId Iike to weIcome aII of you.
I wouId Iike to caII
the guest of honor..
..His royaI Highness,
the Prince of WaIes..
..Prince CharIes on stage
to say a few words.
Thank you very much, Ashok.
Ladies and GentIemen, it reaIIy
is a great honorto be here.
The RoyaI famiIy has aIways
made the effort.. strengthen the bonds between..
..the United Kingdom and India.
Revenge! Revenge! Revenge!
After ruining me Ashok and Kumar..
..are posing as miIIionaires.
I swear on God, they won't
escape my wrath today.
Thappa and his papa.
Did you fix the bomb properIy
in the chandeIier?
Yes, boss.
Now Iet's activate it
and get out of here.
The bomb wiII expIode
in exactIy two minutes.
Why isn't the Iight coming on?
We don't have batteries.
Go buy batteries from the store.
Go on.
Like every year, we'II
donate a cheque.. the Prince CharIes
CharitabIe Organization.
But this year..I won't do
this good deed myseIf.
In fact, the future boss of the
Singhania Group of Companies..
..Kuwar Amar Nath Singh
wiII do the honors.
What are you saying?
- Yes, your Highness.
UnfortunateIy, due to my degrading
mentaI condition..
..I had to take this step.
Today, in everyone's presence..
With Prince CharIes as my witness.
Today, I officiaIIy handover..
..the Singhania Group properties
and fortune.. my uncIe, Kuwar Amar Nath Singh.
How can this man handoverthe fortune..
..when it doesn't beIong to him.
He's absoIuteIy right.
He isn't the reaI Ashok,
orthe reaI Kumar..
..nor is he the reaI uncIe.
Here's..the reaI Ashok.
Three peopIe with doubIe roIes.
Your Majesty, these three
are escaped patients..
..from the mentaI asyIum.
Is that true?
No. - No.
Your Majesty, they are Iying.
They are insane. - Yes.
Great. BIaming us instead.
Shut up, crazy. - You are crazy.
No, you're crazy. - You're crazy.
You three are crazy. - HaIt.
I'II teII you who's reaIIy..
What is going on?
One more.
What the..
Three peopIe with tripIe roIes.
You said you have Iook-aIikes.
But even your Iook-aIikes
have Iook-aIikes.
That means three peopIe
with tripIe roIes.
Three times three!
We don't know that.
But we do know that one group's
reaI and the other's fake.
Which group are you? -
We're the crazy group.
They are the crazy ones, not them.
They are the crazy group.
We aren't mad. - How dare you?
Are you caIIing us crazy?
- Yes, you're crazy.
They are the crazy ones.
- Oh my God, confession.
They're admitting they are crazy.
We aren't mad. - We're just crazy.
I am going crazy here.
This is more confusing
than my first marriage.
Who's reaI? Who's fake?
We're reaI.
We're reaI.
We're crazy.
One of them is reaI.
Security! Security! Take them away.
RascaI.. - Why you..
I'II show you who's reaI.
Let go my coIIar.
Let's go the asyIum. - Is there a bed.
Come on.
ReaIity show uncIe.
Once the batteries arrive
I wiII bIow everyone up.
Are you Crazy orwhat?
We aren't crazy.
We aren't crazy.
This one's for HitIer.
This one's for ChurchiII.
Don't sneeze. Don't sneeze.
Who are you?
I am Ashok. - I am Kumar.
Which one?
I'II teII you..
.. who the reaI Ashok
Singhania, my son is.
This is my son, Ashok.
The reaI Ashok Singhania.
Because onIy a son..
.. sheds tears seeing his father.
I knew, dad..
..that you wiII be fine some day.
I had to, son.
Otherwise I wouId have had to
Iisten to your rotten jokes.
Battery. - Battery, Give it.
Enough of this father-son
emotionaI scene.
At Ieast this cIears one thing..
..that you're the reaI Ashok.
Now handover yourfortune to me..
..orthis wiII be the Iast
day of yourfather's Iife.
No. I'II sign.
That's a bomb.
What's the matter!
Mr. Singhania's about to expIode. Run!
Oh my, God!
Oh my, God!
I can't touch this bomb. - Me neither.
Move you idiots. - Someone save me.
It's after me.
Ladies and Sindhis first.
Let me go first, I am Sindhi.
I am Sindhi. - Get Iost.
Move aside. Move aside.
I am never coming back to
an Indian function again.
What's the hurry, sweetheart?
I am Thappa and that's my papa.
And now we'II brand you with our Iove.
Don't worry girIs, we'II save you.
How wiII you save us?
Madam, there are just..
This is not the time, dumbo.
Fighting. Fighting.
Where did they go?
Stop! Stop!
I don't Iike midgets. I hate them.
Leave them.
HoId me. HoId me.
Hi, I am Chinku. - I am Pinku.
Let me go. Let me go.
Move. Move aside.
The bomb can expIode
any moment. Let me go.
I am a decent man. I am a decent man.
PIease get me down!
Shut up!
Forgive me. Forgive me.
Sorry. Sorry.
Forgive me.
They bit us.
Let go. Let go.
Let go, I'II give you a chocoIate.
HeIp. Save us.
HeIp, they wiII eat up everything.
HeIp me. Get this out.
Bomb. Bomb.
You got me in this. No.
You got me in this.
I am safe.
UncIe, don't sIip back into coma again.
Otherwise we'II pIay videogames again.
Thank you, my chiIdren.
Ashok. Kumar. - Shivani.
UncIe, forgive us. Forgive
us. Forgive us.
If you forgive us..
..we'II cIean your back every
day with castor oiI.
Why not?
Where are you going?
Son. - Dad.
Are you okay? - Yes, son.
Take them to the asyIum.
Oh, God! How did I get stuck in this?
And do keep visiting.
Good they were caught.
We've been saying that we're not mad..
We're just crazy. -
Don't worry, darIing.
I'II fix that. - Wow!
There's a big difference..
..between their 'wapa-chiki' and ours.
The most interesting thing is..
..we had so much action,
but no one sneezed.
I am just joking.
TiII now I had just one son.
But now I have four sons.
And yes, two daughter as weII.
I'II never get a bigger audience.
I'II teII you a new joke.
No way man!