I Do (But I Don't) (2004) Movie Script

Feast your eyes on a familiar setting:
The bride's room.
Recognize the usual suspects?
The attentive bridesmaids...
...the relieved mother of the bride,
the radiant bride and the flower girl...
...who dreams of the day when
she'll be holding the bouquet.
Then there's me. Who is this mystery
woman with a cushion full of pins?
I'm Lauren Crandell,
and I'm a junior wedding consultant...
... "junior" meaning that my boss
barks the orders while I do the work.
I'm a seamstress, a gofer, an assistant....
You name it. Whatever it takes...
...to make sure that everything
will be perfect on that big day.
And although you might not believe me,
everything typically does work out.
Well, most of the time.
-Are you okay?
Oh, no.
Weddings, by their very nature,
are fraught with peril.
That's why you need me.
On your big day, it's my job
to take care of anything that goes wrong.
I worry for you. I troubleshoot,
...and on occasion, work miracles.
Okay, your turn. Don't forget to smile.
-You look so beautiful.
-Thank you.
All right. Dad?
Having helped to plan
in excess of 100 weddings...
...I've come to realize that
there are unspoken rules...
...that every wedding consultant
should know.
Rule number one: Do the work
and never take the credit.
Let the bride and groom
feel responsible for their perfect day.
Helping them achieve their dream
makes it all worthwhile.
Hello? Oh, hi, yeah.
I called about booking a band
on October 10.
The bride and groom
would love someone...
...who could do both rock and polka.
Can you hang on one second? Okay.
Hello, Tying the Knot.
Oh, hi, Barbara.
Gosh, I'm so sorry
that you got in a fight...
...with your maid of honor.
But your wedding isn't until 2007.
So I'm sure you guys will
make up by then.
-Here you go, miss.
-I don't think you need a backup.
No. Okay, I'm gonna call you
as soon as I can.
All right. Thanks. Bye-bye.
Hi. Okay. Sorry about that.
Where were we?
Lauren, get in here.
Actually, I'm sorry to do this.
I have to call you back.
Alrighty. Bye-bye. Yes?
You're never gonna believe
what happened.
-We just landed Darla Tedanski's wedding.
Who's Darla Tedanski?
The Sausage King's daughter.
-That's great.
-No, it's not great.
It's monumental. It's gonna be
the most high-profile wedding in Chicago.
Do you know what that means?
Long workdays
and virtually no sleep?
It means a guaranteed cover story
in Bride's Day. Imagine the publicity.
Anyway, don't think I forgot about you.
If everything goes off without a hitch,
you'll get that promotion we talked about.
-Are you serious?
-Dead serious.
Lauren Crandell, senior consultant.
Your own accounts, your own assistant...
...and, of course, a raise.
I don't know what to say.
Don't say anything.
That interviewer will be here
in 10 minutes. You need to prepare.
-I'm on it.
-Bride's Day is my favorite magazine.
Especially when I'm profiled in it.
Oh, careful, dear. That china
is worth more than your salary.
Cranberry scone? I made them myself.
Didn't Mommy, Snickers?
You run a business and find time
to bake. I don't know how you do it.
-I do.
-What was that, dear?
Nothing, G.
I was thinking out loud...
...about the flowers
for the Hanscum wedding.
What's there to think about?
The bride wants gardenias.
But gardenias are out of season.
We could ship from California,
but then we'd go over budget.
I think lilies are a nice alternative.
-Are you a consultant too?
-Junior consultant.
She a little does planning here and there...
...but it wouldn't be a Gennifer Douglas
production if I didn't do the work.
I'll be at my desk if you need me.
-Where were we?
-I was telling you...
-...about the Tedanski wedding.
-That's right. I must say...
...that's quite an undertaking
for two people.
Correction, dear. One person.
My recently separated assistant
is a little too emotional...
...to be handling this big of an event.
It's a very sad situation.
Just for the record,
I am not "too emotional. "
Rule number two: A professional
never lets her personal life...
...get in the way of her work.
I was separated over a year ago.
Considering that my husband
cheated on me, it was the best thing...
...that could've happened. And although
my marriage didn't work out...
...I still wholeheartedly believe
in the sanctity of the institution.
My first step towards
that promotion was a meeting...
...with the new client, Darla Tedanski.
G desperately wanted to come,
but something came up.
Translation: She was having a "Mommy
and me" portrait taken with Snickers.
Excuse me.
Hey, are you the Zen Energy Bar rep?
Actually, I'm here to meet Darla.
I'm the wedding planner.
You're Lauren? Kisses.
Aren't you yummy? Hang on.
I'll fetch boss-lady.
So here I am, waiting
for the pork princess to arrive.
I wonder if she looks
like her father.
Okay, so Darla didn't look anything
like a pork king's daughter.
-You must be Lauren.
-Hi. It's so nice to meet you.
Likewise. So tell me, how long
have you been G's assistant?
-Three years.
-Oh, that's commendable.
I don't know what I'd do
if I had to work under someone.
-What exactly do you do?
-Oh, I run my own advertising agency.
Talk about stressful.
Enough about me. G tells me
you are flawless with details.
My therapist calls it
obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Well, that's a good thing,
considering the wedding's in a month.
-A month?
-Yeah, we were working...
...with another planner,
but we just kept butting heads. So....
Here's our file from the last consultant.
It includes my likes and dislikes...
...down to what shoes
the flower girl wears.
Sorry to interrupt. Yogi Britney
aggravated her sciatica.
Oh, my God. I told you
no lotus position, Britney.
I gotta go. If you have any questions,
please ring Marc. Lauren, good luck.
Oh, God, Britney. Britney.
Marc, Marc. He's fine.
It's here, the problem.
Can we get ice or an ambulance?
Why is everyone not doing anything?!
-Marc, please!
Why do I hire you people?!
After spending the entire night
color-coding Darla's file...
...I fixed one messy situation
only to crash headfirst into another.
The Cibrianis, a nice Italian couple
from the South Side, were getting married.
And much to the bride's dismay,
the groom decided to make...
-...a grand entrance.
-Here I am!
Rule number three:
Nobody cares about the groom.
They've only come to see the bride.
-All right.
-So he's finally taking the plunge, huh?
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
-Hold on, honey.
-Everything's under control.
I knew something like this
was gonna happen.
I'll be down in no time.
-Just stay put, okay, baby.
-I'm a little nauseous, but it's okay.
-I love you.
-I love you too.
I'm not hurt. I'm not hurt. It's okay.
-I should have listened to my mother.
-Don't worry.
You'll be fine, honey.
How fast can you get
a firetruck to St. Alfred's?
-I'm okay. I'm fine.
-Just hang on.
I promise we'll get you down.
You're almost there.
It's okay, okay? Just try to relax.
-That's easy for you to say.
-Where you going on your honeymoon?
-Okay, I want you to close your eyes...
...and pretend that you're
already there, okay?
Picture the white-sand beaches,
the crystal-clear water...
-...that mai tai in your hand.
-I don't like fruity drinks.
Fine, it's a beer. And don't forget
to put on some sunscreen.
The sun's really hot. You're doing good.
Keep relaxing.
Let me guess.
The groom fell head over heels.
-What is he doing?
-Applying sunscreen.
I have him visualizing his honeymoon
to stay calm.
Where exactly does he think
that he is?
-Tahiti? That's nice.
-You ever been there?
-No, but it's on my list.
-Your list?
-Of places I wanna travel to.
-I didn't realize people made lists for that.
-I have a list for everything.
-It helps me keep things under control.
-Now, where's the fun in that?
Okay. That's okay.
-I'm about to die.
-I'm not gonna let that happen.
Hold on. Hold on. Come here.
Relax. There we go.
-I got you. I got you.
-Thank you.
So you'll think twice
before doing this next time, huh?
Nice job, Nicky.
I would've gone up there myself...
-...but I just ate lunch.
-Yeah, right.
You're always the last one in, little brother,
first one out, Jay.
-Thank you so much.
-No, no, thank you.
-You were great up there.
-Oh, I was just doing my job.
-I'm Lauren. I'm the wedding planner.
-Nick, the fireman.
What the hell were you thinking?
Come on. You're such an idiot.
-Guess I'd better go. Duty calls.
-Yeah, me too.
-See you around.
-Yeah, I hope so.
Oh, did I tell you? I saw Brad's mother
the other day at Dominic's.
We were saying what a shame it was
that the two of you had split up.
She still has fond feelings
for you, Lauren.
Too bad her son doesn't.
You know, it isn't too late to reconsider
this whole divorce thing.
-Mom, I already signed the papers.
-Well, perhaps you were a bit hasty, dear.
Marriage isn't a vacation, you know.
It takes a lot of hard work to keep
things together. Isn't that right, dear?
Oh, yes, dear.
I just don't understand.
You two seemed like the perfect couple.
We just grew apart.
Well, that's cause for counseling,
dear, not divorce.
Marriage isn't something that you can
take back, like a sweater that doesn't fit.
You may wonder why my mother
is so anxious for me...
...to reconcile with an adulterer.
Well, for starters,
she doesn't know he is one.
I didn't have the guts to tell her.
Look at her. She's the epitome...
...of the perfect wife.
I was afraid to disappoint her.
I just want you to be happy.
I know, Mom, but I don't
need a man to be happy.
Couldn't you just consider
giving Brad a second chance?
Hello? Anybody home?
-Oh, my God. You didn't.
-Trust me, it's for your own good.
-Hello, Brad.
-Good to see you.
-Nice to see you.
-You too, Hank.
Can't wait to taste
that famous chili of yours.
Oh, look, Lauren, he brought you truffles.
-I know they're your favorite.
-No, they're not.
-Yes, they are.
-No, they're not.
No one can polish off
a box of chocolates like you. Right?
Well, did you bring the divorce papers too?
You're three weeks late in signing.
Could I talk to you outside
for a minute?
What are you doing here?
Your mom invited me over.
-Okay, fine, you want me to be honest?
-That'd be a first.
Look, the divorce papers
really scared me.
You know, the finality
of the situation.
I think you made things pretty final
when you slept with our manicurist.
You want your mom to hear?
She's right there.
-What do you want, Brad?
-I just want a little time.
Why? I'm not changing my mind.
I know. I just need
to get used to the idea, that's all.
-Honey, we used to be so good together.
-Back in college, maybe...
-...when I was young and stupid.
-You don't mean that.
-Yes, I do.
-Honey, trust me.
-No one knows you better than I do.
-Brad, could you help me...
-...open this bottle of wine, please?
-Sure thing, Mom.
I'm so happy you understand.
-Thank you.
So when are you gonna
let me set you up?
Why do married people always
feel the need to convert the singletons?
-Misery loves company.
-Very funny.
What about my cousin Barry?
He's cute.
-He's allergic to sunlight.
-Okay, bad choice.
He's sweet.
He's gay.
Well, no one ever met their
husband in a bar anyway.
-Have you tried SingleAndLooking.com?
-Oh, my God, would you stop?
I am not looking.
This is not part of my plan.
-What plan?
-I need to focus all of my energy...
-...on getting that promotion.
-Oh, please. That's an excuse...
-...to keep yourself unavailable.
-It is not.
As a matter of fact, I met
someone at the wedding today.
-Hello. Dish immediately.
-A fireman.
I love firemen.
Why are they always so hot?
-Oh, God, I think it's that uniform.
-Was he a total himbo?
No, actually, he was so sweet and funny...
...and had the most beautiful smile
I've ever seen.
-He sounds amazing.
-I know.
-He's exactly what I'm looking for.
-Lf you were actually looking.
I know. Great.
-Worse. Barbara, the bridezilla.
-I'll be right back.
-Good luck.
Hello? Barbara, you don't need
to order your invitations this week.
No, your wedding
isn't for three years.
-Oh, God, sorry.
-Oh, hi, Nick.
-Hey, Lauren, right?
-I've been thinking about you all day.
-You have?
-Yeah, about your whole list thing.
-You remembered.
-So, what about my list?
-You made a list for everything, right?
Even for the things
you're looking for in a guy?
Yeah, and you know what?
That list is very long.
Yeah, I'm sure that is.
So would tall, dark, semi-charming,
goofy firefighter-type...
-...be anywhere on that list?
-Darling, fetch my drink?
-Laura, hey.
-It's Lauren, actually.
Oh, of course. Right. I'm sorry.
-That's okay.
-How do you two know each other?
-Actually, we just met today.
Isn't that nice?
Well, I'm gonna go
and get back to my friend.
-Why don't you join us.
-You promised you would dance with me.
-Come on.
-That's okay.
-It was nice seeing you both.
-Yeah, you too.
-Where have you been?
-You are never gonna believe this.
The fireman of my dreams is marrying
the client of my nightmares.
-Can we go?
There it was:
James Nicholas Corina.
I understood immediately why Nick
preferred his middle name to his first.
James was way too uptight for a handsome
and free-spirited guy like Nick.
But what does it matter?
Rule number four:
Never get involved with the groom.
Oh, call Jacques. Find out if he
can fly in from Paris to do my hair.
If so, buy a ticket for his poodle.
Before I forget, book me a session in that
hyperbaric oxygen chamber, would you?
Rule number five:
Beware of the psycho bride.
The psycho bride is someone
who's lost touch with reality.
Case in point: Darla.
Jacques, I'm calling
from Madame T's office.
I need to talk cut and colors.
-What do you think?
-It's stunning.
-You look like a queen.
-Queen Mary, maybe.
-This skirt makes me look like a ship.
-Oui, oui. S.S. Terrible.
Just so you know, I'm not paid
to think, just to agree.
-Trust me, I understand.
-Oh, honey, the only time...
...I ever hear the word "equal"
is when she wants two in her latte.
Here, doll, you look
like you could use this.
Oh, beautiful.
Oh! Way too J. Lo.
-Which wedding?
-Who cares?
We know how they all turn out.
Okay, okay, this isn't working. Try again.
-This is nice. It would look good on you.
-That's pretty.
Very young, very flirty.
-No. No.
Here we are.
No. Stupid.
Look, look, look.
Rule number six is an addendum
to rule number five:
The only thing worse than
the psycho bride is the indecisive bride.
-Doesn't feel right.
No, no.
No, forget it.
Oh, yes.
-Oh, my God. That's the one.
-It's absolutely gorgeous.
-I hated it.
Not because she didn't
look beautiful, but because...
...it was like the dress I wore
at my wedding. I wanted to cry.
But since I'm a professional,
I did the next best thing. I lied.
The dress simply
doesn't do you justice.
Well, I think we have
to have something custom-made then.
After a miserable day with Darla,
I was looking forward...
...to the surprise Bonnie had for me.
Why didn't you tell me
it was the Firemen's Ball?
Because I knew you wouldn't come.
-You're right. Nick is engaged.
If he represents the fireman's species,
there are bound to be others.
I don't wanna run into him.
You won't. There are so many people here.
What are the odds?
-Nick. Very nice to meet you.
-So are you on your own tonight?
-Yes, I am.
Me too.
I love that flower in your hair, the lily.
It's beautiful.
-Thanks. It's my favorite flower.
-I'll have to remember that.
-So how do you know Nicky?
-Oh, we met at a wedding.
-Lauren's a wedding planner.
-What exactly...
...does a wedding planner do?
I don't wanna bore anyone.
Oh, you won't bore anyone.
Tell them about Mr. Cibriani.
-Oh, the dangling groom?
This guy thought that it would be
a good idea to rappel his way to the altar.
-His bride didn't think so.
-She smacked him.
She wanted
to call the whole thing off.
-You're kidding.
-I told her she'd have to return the presents.
-That all sounds so stressful.
-Please, it's not like saving people's lives.
Well, lives aren't worth saving
without good relationships and celebrations.
Well said. I'll drink to that.
I couldn't believe it. My ex-husband
couldn't tell people what I did...
...without a patronizing laugh, and here
was a man who not only approved...
...but actually understood.
There was only one tiny, little problem:
He was about to marry someone else.
-That man is seriously into you.
-No, he isn't.
It's a classic case
of groom-panic syndrome.
It's when men freak out over the fact
that they'll only be with one woman...
...for the rest of their lives. Nick would find
a lamppost attractive now.
I doubt that.
Oh, no. I have to go save Robert
from the fire chief's wife.
Okay, go ahead.
-What are you doing?
-What? You don't like my dancing?
-I don't really wanna dance, thank you.
-Come on, I'm a virtual Fred Astaire here.
I think maybe it's time
you go home, bro.
Oh, come on, don't start with
the good-brother routine. I'm working here.
How about the sober-brother routine?
Fine. The open bar's closed anyway.
-I can't believe he's your brother.
He's a really good guy.
He just gets out of control sometimes.
He's a little stressed right now.
Maybe we should dance,
you know, for our own safety.
-You're not bad at this.
-Thank you.
-You're welcome.
-My mom taught me a thing or two.
She told me that a woman
doesn't want a man with two left feet.
-I think she was talking about my dad.
-Well, your mom's a very wise woman.
-She was. She passed away.
-Oh, I'm sorry.
No, no, no. Don't be.
It was a long time ago.
It might help explain
why Jay and I are so different.
Since she wasn't around
when he was growing up...
...he doesn't really understand women.
Although I'm not really sure
that I do either.
-Yeah, well, we are complex creatures.
I have to go.
What if I have to get in touch with you
about the wedding?
-Darla has my number.
-Why don't we cut out the middleman...
-...and let me take you to lunch tomorrow?
-I can't. I have a wedding at Shadow Peak.
All right, well, then I'll see you there.
You don't take no
for an answer, do you?
This is so wrong.
After a confusing evening, I was
so grateful for the distraction of work.
But unfortunately, that included
babysitting my boss's dog, Snickers.
Determined to keep everything on track,
I focused on my usual routine.
Man of the cloth, check.
Musicians, check.
Flowers, check.
Stay there, Snickers.
Hello? Barbara, if you buy your gown now,
it's gonna be out of style...
...by the time you get married.
Hold on a sec. Hello?
Lauren, we can't find the boutonnieres
for the groomsmen.
Right next to the sign-in book.
Barbara, I have to go. Let's hold out...
...for that Vera Wang sample sale
that I told you about.
Okay, bye.
-What's wrong?
-My dress is ruined!
-What happened?
-The dog did it.
Don't panic.
-What's the hurry?
I have to catch that dog.
Snickers, come.
Oh, there we go, there we go. All right.
You go on this side. I'll go the other.
-Is this your dog?
-No, it's my boss's.
She might wanna consider
putting him on Prozac.
She can just loan him some of hers.
He's gone.
There he is.
You go right. I'll go left.
Excuse me, excuse me. Wait.
I got an idea. I got an idea.
Thank you.
-Here, poochie, poochie. Here you go.
-Yeah, it's his name. Don't ask.
Here, Snickers.
Would you like a little quiche-y?
Would you like a little quiche, Snickers?
-Okay. Thank you, yes. Okey-dokey.
-Thank you.
No, thank you. We firemen, we rescue
so many kitties, so few doggies.
All right, now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to go work miracles.
Ladies and gentlemen,
please be seated.
-Great job.
-Thank you.
I think that we make a pretty darn
good team together, don't you?
You know what? I think these interactions
between us are a little inappropriate.
-Yeah, I agree.
-You do?
Yeah. I think we should be having
these interactions over dinner.
That's not what I meant.
Well, how about it?
I think it would be best to only
talk about wedding-related things.
Darla told me you haven't
found a place for the reception.
I have a great place in mind.
Come on. How much more
wedding-related can it get?
I'll think about it.
When you said you had the perfect spot,
I didn't think I'd have to change...
-...into hiking boots to get there.
-Bear with me. We're almost there.
-Oh, it's pretty.
-I love it here.
I come here weekends
to decompress.
I vacuum to decompress.
That's-- That's interesting.
What do you do for excitement?
I find organizing my closet's good.
Where are you taking me?
You'll see. Don't worry. I'm not
an ax murderer or anything like that.
Yeah, like you'd tell me
if you were.
Your purse is chirping.
Yeah, I know.
You know, the park district has
a very strict policy on wildlife in captivity.
It's my walkie-talkie.
-Hey, Lauren.
Some woman named Barbara
showed up looking for you.
Tell her to have a piece of cake,
and I'll call her as soon as I can. Thanks.
-Never a dull moment, huh?
There it is.
-A fairground.
-Trust me.
Right, I'm gonna trust a guy
who's engaged to my client.
I'll just keep smiling politely.
We used to come here
all the time as kids.
I thought it'd be
a great place for a reception.
It's-- It's great.
I don't think this is
what Darla had in mind.
Besides, we'd have to rent
tents and bring in caterers.
And think of all the mosquito repellant
we'd have to buy.
Okay, so....
So it's a bad idea?
It's not a bad idea.
It's the thought that counts.
Here's another thought.
How about we go take a ride
on that carousel before we head back.
Come on. I'll make sure you get paid time
and a half. It's just a carousel ride.
You know, the merry-go-round
was my favorite ride as a little girl.
I was more of a Tilt-a-Whirl
kind of guy.
Lauren, I'm gonna be honest with you.
I didn't ask you all the way out here...
...just to talk about the wedding.
I really--
I wanted to talk about--
When the ride's over
I'd like to talk about...
...you and me.
I knew there could be no
"you and me" involving Darla's fianc.
But when Nick said those three words,
they sounded really good.
I was getting in deeper and deeper.
And I had to put a stop to it.
You know what?
I have to go.
Right now?
Don't you wanna wait till the ride stops?
I'm gonna--
I'll just get off right here.
Are you okay?
-I'm fine.
-Looks like you twisted that badly.
-Let's get you to a hospital.
-No, I'm fine.
No, see? Okay, okay.
Okay. Okay.
-Like I said--
-No, I'm fine.
-We're gonna get you to the hospital.
-I don't need to go.
I do this for a living, okay?
Two hours in the emergency room
and two Percocet later...
...I was feeling no pain.
You must be quiet, okay?
Okay, sorry.
Do you live alone?
Yeah. No. I mean, yes.
But my sister's staying with me.
She and her boyfriend broke up.
I don't know.
I don't--
I don't think she's here.
And I don't really wanna
leave you by yourself.
You took a lot of pain medication.
I'm fine, really.
Except, you know what's
really funny and weird?
I can barely focus.
My God, you're cute blurry.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I had so much fun today though.
Not the hospital.
But the park was fun.
I loved the rowboats...
...and that carousel
was funny till I fell off.
Yeah, that wasn't--
I'm so stupid.
No, no.
I like you, Nick.
I do.
I know I shouldn't, but...
...I do.
Oh, my God.
He's still here.
You know, I've never met anybody
who made a to-do list in their sleep before.
-Yeah, my sister's kind of freaky like that.
-I think it's pretty cute.
Morning, patient.
-How's the ankle?
What is going on in my kitchen?
Your sister conned me
into making breakfast.
You should try Nick's pancakes.
They're better than Mom's.
You should sit.
I'm making you food.
Well, thanks for the grub,
but I gotta motor to make it to class.
He's the one.
So how you feeling?
Oh, I didn't wanna leave you here
by yourself last night.
You were pretty out of it.
Where was Lily?
She was out clubbing
until 5 a.m. This morning.
You and your sister--
You're very different.
Yeah, that's putting it lightly.
Your juice.
I squeezed it fresh.
Okay, this is too much.
I appreciate everything.
But the juice, the staying over.
I don't want you to think
that this means anything.
You don't date your clients?
-Of course I don't date my clients.
-Okay. Well, that settles it for me.
I'm out of the wedding.
You can't!
Oh, my God!
And this dish, by the way,
needs to soak.
This kitchen is a mess!
I don't want you
to hurt yourself again.
Don't do it.
-The dishes?
-No, the wedding.
-Now you don't want me in the wedding?
-No, I do want you in the wedding.
All right. I have to go to work,
so let's discuss this over dinner.
Absolutely not!
Great. Meet me at the station about 6.
-Are you kidding?
-I never joke about food.
Try your breakfast and you'll see.
Where have you been?
It's practically lunch.
It's 10:30.
And I'm late
because I sprained my ankle.
Lauren, dear.
I can't have you handicapped...
...for one of the most important
weddings of my career.
No matter now.
Darla's waiting for you in my office.
She says it's important.
She only wants to speak to you.
-Did she say what it was about?
-The wedding, of course.
Hurry up!
Listen, Darla, I can explain.
I am so sorry. I don't know what to say.
You don't have to say anything.
I feel so awful.
You have no idea.
Don't. It's not your fault.
It's not?
Of course not. How can you be late
to an appointment I never made?
Well, then, why are you crying?
My fianc and I had
a fight the other night.
It was so bad he even threatened
to call off the whole wedding.
What was your fight about?
The guest list.
Silly, really.
That's why I know you can help us
work things out.
-Of course.
-I hope you don't mind.
-I told him he could meet me here.
-You did?
If there's a practical person present,
he'll listen to reason.
Right. Excuse me one minute, okay?
Thanks. Be right back.
-Oh, hi. Lauren, right?
Listen, I'm really sorry
about the other night.
-Don't even worry about it.
-No, really.
I can't talk right now.
I'm dealing with a client.
Yeah, Darla said you wanted
to talk to us about the guest list.
I thought that was between
the bride and groom.
-It is.
-Then is Nick coming?
-Not that I know of.
-Sweetie, hi.
Are we still waiting on the groom?
That's me.
Jay is James, the groom.
But I thought that--
Isn't Nick the--?
Best man.
Of course he is.
Now let's go work
on that guest list.
Rule number seven:
Everything that can go wrong
can go right too.
Nick wasn't engaged after all.
No more confusion, no more guilt.
The road was finally clear.
Let's go! Let's go!
Let's go! Everybody out!
Hold on to here.
Good job.
All right. Everybody down.
Good job.
-Don't worry. It's just a drill.
-That's a relief. They look a little young.
Hey guys, next week, I'm gonna show
you guys how to come down the fire pole.
-How's your ankle?
-Better, thank you.
Hey, all right.
Enough, enough.
I have to hang around till their parents
get here. Mind hanging out?
-No, not at all.
-Good. I promise you...
...it'll be worth the wait.
In the meantime...
...who wants to play tag?
You're it.
-Thank you.
So this is worth the wait?
All right. Humor me for a second.
The last time I humored you,
I ended up with a sprained ankle.
-Watch your step. Watch your step.
-Thank you.
Can you tell I'm not
a huge fan of surprises?
Why not?
Surprises can be the nicest part of life.
Speak for yourself.
This is amazing.
You think?
I discovered this place
putting out a fire in this building.
I came up here to get some air,
and I just--
-I just couldn't believe how beautiful it was.
-It's gorgeous.
So you ready to eat?
I don't wanna leave yet.
Oh, okay.
In that case...
...we don't have to.
I hope you don't mind
dining alfresco.
For a guy who doesn't
like to plan ahead...
...this certainly required
a lot of forethought.
I bet you even had
to make a list.
Yes, I did.
But it was definitely worth it.
-Glass of wine?
-I would love one. Thank you.
You're welcome.
To surprises.
I can't believe how beautiful this is.
You know, I'm really
glad you came tonight.
I was starting to think
you weren't interested at all.
Well, actually, there's a reason
why I've been so standoffish.
I thought you and Darla were together.
Isn't that crazy?
It's not that crazy.
Darla and I did go out.
-You were a couple?
-No. No.
We had two dates.
It was nothing.
It was just really weird
seeing you together at the bar.
She was hanging all over you.
Darla is just a big flirt, okay?
And we were not together.
Jay was supposed to meet us...
...but he got stuck at work.
Lauren, I don't play games.
I'm a very straight-up guy.
Honesty is very important to me.
And Darla.
She's just not my type.
What is your type?
Well, all right.
Starting with the basics: Female.
Nonsmoker, preferably
no prison record.
Unmarried. You don't wanna deal
with those pesky husbands.
...slightly obsessive-compulsive.
Incredibly beautiful.
You know.
Someone like you.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Are you gonna run away
if I try to kiss you again?
This is my apartment.
It's very nice.
-It's okay.
It's a little messy.
You know...
...you never told me
what your type was.
Well, I'm looking
for someone who's smart...
Would you settle for me instead?
I am talking about you.
Stop right there.
I'm making a citizen's arrest
and ordering you back to bed.
I'm late for work.
I'll write you a note.
Come on.
Clothes are the enemy.
Mind if I pick that up?
I just had it dry-cleaned.
At Chez Corina, we leave
our baggage at the door.
Yeah, and apparently,
everything else on the floor.
Can you handle that?
-I can try.
I think I have something...
...that might help you.
I meant to give this to you
last night, but I forgot.
A rock?
I thought when a girl got a rock,
it was in the form of a ring.
That's not a rock. That's a stone.
That's a worry stone.
Whenever you feel really stressed,
you just rub your worries away.
-Thank you.
-You're welcome.
That's so sweet.
-I'll stay for a few more minutes.
Sorry I'm late.
Is anyone in there?
I have a weapon!
Why do you hate me?
"Gone to Atlanta,
wedding convention.
Please take King Snickers
to doggy daycare."
Lauren? Hi there.
I'm Lynda Tedanski,
Darla's mother.
Hi. It's so nice to meet you.
Oh, what an adorable little dog.
Oh, he's a real charmer.
I'll set him out here,
and we'll go in there and talk.
Please, come on in.
Have a seat.
Oh, please. Excuse me.
That chair's actually
a little more comfortable.
Thank you.
Yes, that's better.
So about the seating chart.
Your mother wanted to sit
with her bingo friends.
And I actually have them all
sitting together at table 20.
Is everything okay, Mrs. Tedanski?
Actually, no.
I'm not sure it's appropriate
to tell you this.
-Troubleshooting is what we pay you for.
Let me first say that Darla
is a wonderful girl.
Oh, yes, of course.
She's just always had
a bit of a wild streak.
But I thought since she got engaged....
I saw one of the groomsmen
at my daughter's yesterday.
Oh, Mrs. Tedanski.
There's nothing unusual about that.
-With Darla?
Were--? Were they...?
Do you, by chance,
know which groomsman it was?
I only saw the back of his head...
...but I think it was his brother.
-Yes. The one she used to date.
But that's impossible.
With Darla, anything's possible.
So you think that Darla and Nick are--?
Are having an affair?
I'm afraid so.
I just don't know what to do.
Neither do I.
I told Bonnie it was an emergency
and she had to meet me at the bar.
Even though it was happy hour,
there was nothing happy about it.
It makes sense, right?
I decide to trust men again,
and look what happens.
-I'm such an idiot.
-No, you're not.
-Can I buy you a drink?
So you can lull me into a false sense
of security and break my heart? No, thanks.
Never mind.
-Too harsh?
-Just a little.
I mean, in Nick's defense...
...Mrs. Tedanski said she
only saw the back of his head.
She said it was the brother.
How many brothers does he have?
One. I think.
I don't wanna jump to conclusions.
I don't want you to fall for another Brad.
Trust me.
Nick is definitely not Brad.
Or maybe he is.
He said he wasn't like his brother,
but who knows.
-I don't know what to believe.
-What does Nick have to say?
I don't know.
-I've been avoiding his calls.
-You should give him a chance to explain.
I'm tired of second chances.
Is anybody there?
I'm in here.
-Hi, Lauren.
-Oh, hi, Darla.
I was working on your table
for the reception.
-What do you think?
-It's fine.
Because if you don't like it,
I could--
Forget about the table.
I wanna get married sooner.
-How much sooner?
-This Saturday.
Why can't you wait
the extra two weeks?
Because I just can't.
Listen, Darla, if I'm gonna go
through the huge inconvenience...
...of moving up your wedding...
...I need a better reason
than you "just can't."
I'm pregnant.
Well, I'm sure Jay
will make a great dad.
It isn't his.
-Excuse me?
-I said, the baby isn't his. Okay?
Whose is it?
Darla, whose is it?
It's his brother's.
What the hell is wrong with you?
You've got everything,
and you're throwing it all away?
You think because you were born
with a silver spoon...
...it gives you the right to treat people
the way you do? I've got news:
Being privileged doesn't
make you entitled.
Are you finished yet?
No, I am not finished...
...because I haven't
answered your question.
No, Darla, I will not move up
your wedding...
...because, frankly, I think this
is part of your latest scheme.
So fire me.
Or actually tell G to fire me.
But I won't do it.
You're gonna have to find some
other way out of this mess.
And I suggest that you
start being honest...
...with the people that care about you,
because they don't deserve this.
Now I'm finished.
You'll be sorry you said that.
You-- Hey!
Let go of that!
Stupid dog. Give me that!
Good boy, Snickers.
Good boy. Yes, you are.
You are such a good boy.
Yes, you are.
You are. I know.
Even though I probably ruined
my chances of getting that promotion...
...telling off Darla was the first
time I ever stood up for myself.
And it felt great.
What are you doing here?
-We need to talk.
-I don't wanna talk to you.
About anything.
So my therapist thinks
we should get back together.
He says that I'm not gonna grow as a "me."
I need to be a "we."
There is no we.
There never was.
-It was only you.
-That's not true.
-Yes, it is.
-No, it's not.
-Yes, it is.
-God, Lauren, you're being really harsh.
Oh, I'm being harsh?
You cheated on me.
What is it with you guys?
Is it so hard to stay faithful
to one woman?
Actually, my therapist says
it's not within our genetic makeup.
Do you have any idea
how much you hurt me?
How you destroyed any hopes
I had of our life together?
-Do you?
-Well, I said I was sorry.
Sorry isn't good enough.
-Lauren, you don't want me to sign this.
-Yes, I do.
-No, you don't.
-Shut the hell up, Brad.
For once,
I'm gonna have the last word.
Okay, but your mom
is gonna be really pissed.
I'll take my chances.
You know the way out.
-Who are you?
-Who are you?
I'm Lauren's husband.
Can I talk to her for a minute?
Oh, sorry.
She's in the bath.
Why don't you give me your name,
and I'll tell her you stopped by.
No, no, that's all right.
As I arrived at work
the next morning...
...the buzz I had from my self-empowerment
binge quickly wore off.
G was back in the office,
and I was certain I'd be fired.
Lauren, in here now!
What the hell happened
while I was gone?
G, listen, I can explain--
My chair is ruined.
You mean this isn't about Darla?
Not unless she's the one
who peed on it.
Of course not.
Snickers had an accident when you were
gone, but it's only because he missed you.
Oh, there's my precious baby.
Come to Mommy, Snickers.
Go to your mama, Snickers.
Come on, Snickers.
Go to your mama.
He's just trying to make you jealous.
I guess.
-What were you saying about Darla?
-Well, I was wondering if you spoke to her.
No, but I spoke to her mother.
She said to compliment you...
...on handling a very delicate situation.
She said that?
And we're moving the wedding
up to this Saturday.
-They're going through with it?
-Why wouldn't they?
G, I don't think this is
something I can really do.
Oh, please.
You need to overnight these.
So I'm not fired?
Of course not. I told you.
If you pull this off,
you'll be promoted.
My migraines are back.
I should have been thrilled that we
pulled off Darla's wedding in two days.
But all I could think about was Nick.
How could I fall for someone who
would sleep with his brother's fiance...
...and then lie to me
about their relationship?
Despite how betrayed I felt,
I knew I had to do a good job.
No matter what.
Darla, I have your--
Rick, I told you to lock the door.
Rick Corina.
Jay and Nick's little brother.
Nick wasn't having
an affair with Darla.
A wave of relief washed over me...
...until I realized there's still
something wrong with this picture.
How could you?
Is there a fourth or fifth brother
I don't know about?
Have you slept with them too?
Do you honestly think you can
manage "till death do us part" ...
...when you can't even
stay faithful for a day?
Don't be so provincial.
You. How could you do this
to your brother?
He stole my girlfriends before.
Honey, it's not what you think.
-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah, Jay, she can explain, really.
Why don't I explain something?
Jay, no!
-Hey, get off him! Do something!
-Guys, come on!
Guys, stop it.
That's it.
Stop it.
Oh, my God.
You're ruining your suits.
-You okay?
-Yes. I need to talk to you.
No, not now.
Nick, I wanna apologize.
I'm not interested
in being with a married lady.
I made a mistake
about you and Darla.
I'm talking about you.
-I met your husband last week.
What on earth is going on here?
All of you, stop it this instant.
You should be ashamed of yourselves.
And why are you just standing there?
Why didn't you do something?
Never mind.
We have a wedding in 15 minutes,
and I'll be damned...
...if this is the first Gennifer Douglas
production to get canceled.
You drink this.
And, you, finish getting dressed.
You boys make sure your father
doesn't hear about this.
As for you, you've done enough damage,
so just try to keep out of sight.
You'll never make it in this business
if you don't learn how to take charge.
Thanks to G's flask, Jay finally managed
to make it to the altar.
And after a few swigs myself,
I managed to make it to my seat.
I wanna say that with all my
organizational skills and empathy...
...I fixed everything. But all I did
was help the groom get drunk...
...while G convinced Darla and Jay
to go through with the wedding.
Marriage is a sacred institution
created by God...
...as a symbol of the union between
a man and a woman.
If anyone objects to this union,
please speak now.
I believe we'll move on to the vows.
The rings.
These rings are a symbol
of commitment and fidelity.
That's rich.
James, do you take Darla
to be your lawfully wedded wife...
...to have and to hold
from this day forward...
...in sickness and in health,
till death do you part?
How could you cheat on me
with my own brother?
Would you like me to repeat
the question, sir?
No, that won't be necessary, padre.
With all due respect, I don't take Darla
to have and to hold.
I changed my mind.
I don't want her anymore.
You can't break up with me,
because I'm breaking up with you.
-Darla, no.
Quiet, Mother. I have something to say.
I wouldn't marry Jay Corina if he
was the last man on earth!
And I would never have the courage
to state my true feelings...
...if it hadn't been for Lauren Crandell.
She taught me that I need to be honest
with the people who care about me.
No, no, no. That's not what I meant.
The point is, I'm breaking up with Jay...
-...because I'm in love with his brother.
No, Rick.
So that's who I saw naked?
And I'm proud to say...
...that I'm having his baby.
Even though Darla didn't go through
with the ceremony...
...Lou Tedanski was gonna be damned if
he didn't go through with the reception.
G warned me that I'd never get ahead
if I didn't take charge.
Thanks to a combination of
overwhelming stress...
...and G's flask of truth serum...
...I decided to throw caution to the wind
and speak my mind.
Hey, you know what?
Sorry-- Should be ashamed of yourself.
No, no, no. I'm not finished.
You need to grow up and know
what it means to be a man...
...a brother, and in seven months,
a father.
Now are you finished?
With you.
Hey. Wanna know what I think?
Oh, God, I'm not sure I do.
I think you should've had Darla fixed
when she was 15. Don't you think?
-Oh, my.
-Could you excuse us, please? Sorry.
-I think it's time you go home.
-I don't wanna.
I wanna take charge.
I feel dizzy.
Come on. Come on.
Nick. God, this was all
a misunderstanding.
I was so wrong about you and Darla,
and you were so wrong about me and Brad.
And we're not really married.
I mean, we are technically,
but we're going through a divorce.
Isn't that great news?
Lauren, I don't think we should see
each other anymore.
Why not?
Because you didn't trust me.
Lauren Crandell.
You're fired.
Nick's words were ringing in my head
when I woke up.
He turned my trust issues against me,
and he was right.
I should have known better.
But even with a horrible hangover,
I had a moment of clarity.
Rule number eight: When it comes to love,
there are no rules.
Oh, forget it.
-How you feeling?
-Oh, let's see.
I'm single, jobless and have
a killer hangover.
Look, why don't you call G,
ask for your job back?
Because it was a blessing in disguise.
I'd rather be poor and unemployed
than be under G's thumb.
I'll get it.
I bet these will cheer you up.
-These are pretty.
They're for you.
"Lilies for my Lily. Please come home.
Love, Banjo."
Isn't he the cutest?
-What happened to your three-month rule?
-Well, sometimes life surprises you.
The good news is you can have
your apartment back.
Great. Now I can add "lonely"
to my list.
-Could things get any worse?
-Oh. Actually, Mom called.
She said you're supposed to meet her
for brunch.
Lauren. It's 11 a.m., dear.
It's past the time to comb one's hair.
Why are you wearing those
ridiculous sunglasses?
Mom, please, slow down.
And please lower your voice.
-Why? Do you have a hangover?
-I'm begging you.
-Can we talk about something else?
-Yes. I'm familiar with it.
Look at the cover. "Junior wedding
consultants, the real experts."
"Today's renaissance women,
junior consultants like Lauren Crandell...
...handle everything from torn veils
to dangling grooms."
Did they mention G?
-She is gonna have a fit.
Well, I think it's wonderful.
Now all you need is a man
to share in your success.
Which reminds me,
have you called Brad?
Mom, there's something
that I need to tell you.
And please, please listen carefully...
...because this has taken me
over a year to get the courage.
What is it, dear?
Oh, my God. Are you a lesbian?
It's okay if you are, honey, as long
as I can still have grandchildren.
Mother, I am not a lesbian.
The real reason why Brad and I broke up
is because he cheated on me.
-He tried to sleep with Lily...
-...while we were married.
-He did not.
Ask her.
Oh, my God.
Oh, and-- And all this time...
...l've been pushing a cheater
on my own daughter.
-Oh, I am so sorry.
-Mom, it's not your fault. You didn't know.
Well, why didn't you tell me sooner?
I was ashamed. I mean,
you have the perfect marriage.
I really didn't wanna disappoint you.
Oh, Lauren.
Lauren, you could never disappoint me,
no matter what you do.
Thank you.
No, thank you, for being honest.
This is good. Now I don't have to make
polite conversation...
-...with that annoying mother of his.
-I love you.
-I love you too, dear.
My mother's faith in me made me think
about what I wanted to do next.
I was missing work.
There's something about being
a wedding planner that...
...no matter how challenging,
makes me happy.
Rule number nine:
Even in a wedding
with catastrophic blunders...
...there should always be a moment
of pure, unadulterated goodwill.
It's knowing that I had a hand in creating
a second or two of perfect harmony...
...that keeps me coming back.
And that's when it hit me.
I didn't just wanna watch
these happy moments.
I wanted to live them.
Hello? Anybody here?
Well, isn't it the wedding planner
from hell.
Jay, I'm so sorry. I really wish
that things turned out differently.
And I wish I wasn't paying for Rick
to go on my honeymoon.
At least you found out now.
Trust me. It hurts a whole lot more
after you say "I do."
-What do you want?
-I'm looking for Nick.
-He's not here.
-Where is he?
He just put out a fire in Wrigleyville.
He's gonna be cleaning up for a while.
I can't wait that long.
Jay, I really need to talk to him.
-What are you doing?
-Well, this is an emergency, right?
-I'm giving you a ride.
-Your brother was right.
-About what?
You're not such a bad guy.
Look out! Coming through!
Hang on!
Let's go! Move it!
We're almost there.
Okay, folks, back up. Let's go. Let's go.
Lauren? What are you doing here?
Your brother dropped me off.
I really have to talk to you,
and I'm really sorry it couldn't wait.
My sister told me something
really wise today.
She said life is full of surprises.
And sometimes someone really
special comes along...
...who's worth taking a risk for.
And I think that....
I know that....
I know that you're worth
taking that risk.
And if you'll have me...
...I would really love a second chance.
Can I give you a hug?
No, no.
Look how dirty I am.
You probably had that thing dry-cleaned
so it wouldn't look terrible.
-Are you gonna answer that?
-Absolutely not.
All right.
I know that file is here, Barbara.
I've been looking for it.
I know I'm gonna find it, okay?
Sorry it's taking so long.
It's been chaos around here.
Barbara, let me get back to you.
Thank God.
I'm just here to pick up my things.
No. You can't leave. The office has
gone to hell since you left.
I didn't leave. You fired me.
The point is, since that magazine article,
everyone's asking for you.
You have to come back.
-I don't know.
-Lf not for me, then for Snicker's sake.
He's been ripping the place to shreds.
I hate to break it to you, G,
but he has always been that way.
Fine. Forget the dog.
I'll give you that promotion.
Pay you six figures.
-You can have your own assistant.
-My own assistant?
You can make your own hours.
Anything you want.
I'll accept your offer.
Under one condition.
-You name it.
-That this time, I can quit.
-Excuse me?
-I am sick and tired of you treating me...
...like an indentured servant and then
taking credit for everything.
This is the thanks I get
for taking you under my wing?
-How can you do this to me?
Snickers, stop it now!
Hey, boss-lady. Brought you a latte.
I told you not to wait on me.
In this office, you're an equal.
In that case, I'm voting myself a raise.
Don't push it. I gotta go.
-The wedding's at 8, right?
So plan on meeting me in an hour?
-Okay. Oh, and Marc?
-Yes, dear?
-You are planning on changing, right?
-Of course, darling.
-One mustn't upstage the bride.
-I'll see you in a bit.
You do the final run-through,
and I'll check on the bride.
Ten-four, little lady.
Over and out.
-How you holding up?
Everything's going according to plan.
Oh, sorry.
-You look beautiful.
You're gonna make me ruin my makeup.
Old habits die hard.
I am so happy for you.
I thought misery loves company.
Well, I guess we better get started.
-You ready to do this?
-Ready as I'll ever be.
So, what have I learned?
Rule number 10:
Remember that true love isn't
about embossed invitations...
...or the size of your bridal party.
True love is what you find
when you least expect it.
True love is taking the risk that it
won't be a "happily ever after. "
True love is joining hands with a man
who loves you for who you are...
...and saying, "I'm not afraid
to believe in you. "
A love like that will survive anything.
-Duty calls.
-Gotta go.
-Go, boy, go.
-Have a good one.
-Congratulations, Nick.
Even a less-than-perfect wedding.
We're still gonna do it.
Friends, loved ones....