I Don't Understand You (2024) Movie Script
1
Is this gonna be the most
fun adoption video ever made?
Okay, okay,
Dom, let's be serious.
Her name is Candace.
She lives in Pittsburgh.
Pittsburgh? Pittsburgh.
-Am I shiny?
-No, you look gorgeous.
You're not looking at me.
'Cause you always look
gorgeous.
Okay? Here we go.
Okay, okay, so I'm gonna say
that thing about traditions,
and then you will just say
something like a human.
-Like a normal human person?
-Like a normal human.
Okay, great, I can do that.
-Okay.
-Here we go.
Three, two...
I've always wanted to create
-traditions as a family.
-Mm-hmm. Yeah.
-It's-it's an opportunity...
-Mm-hmm.
...for us to grow as a family
and grow together
and-and gives us
an opportunity to...
-Okay. Sorry.
-Oh...
-What? -Y-You said
"opportunity" twice.
Shit.
I just wish we could
do this in person.
I know, but there's a thousand
of us and just one of her.
-Okay.
-Here we go.
Yep.
You know, we see
the adoption process
as an amazing opportunity
to look at our whole lives
and think about how much joy
our child would bring...
Ah-ah. No.
You can't say "our child."
-What?
-No, you have to say
-"the baby" or "your baby."
-Okay.
You can't just assume that
it's our child already, so...
-Okay. I-I got it. Okay.
-You got it?
I'm gonna do the cuts.
You don't...
I'd prefer
if you didn't do the cuts.
-I like to... Okay.
-Okay? And...
We see the adoption process
as a wonderful opportunity
to wait for years,
spend thousands of dollars,
let social workers
into our home,
acquiesce to
an FBI background check...
Dom.
I have an idea.
I have an idea.
Just gonna keep it loose.
-Cheers.
-Cheers.
Salud.
Whew.
-Please give us your baby.
-Please give us your baby!
"Would you do anything
for your child?"
-"Anything."
-"Anything."
That seems a little broad.
It's very, like, ominous,
like...
"Would you do
anything for your child?"
It's like the
beginning of, like, a thriller.
Like... "Would you do
anything for your child?"
Okay, this is the one: "Why
do you want to be parents?"
This is the... All right.
I just want to show this child
all the love
-that was shown to me-- to us.
-Yeah.
And-and let this kid know that
they have infinite potential,
that if they're... they're kind
and-and openhearted
and-and maybe even
a little bit silly,
that they can find joy.
We promise to do
our absolute best.
And we know that choosing
parents for your child
is a very complicated decision,
so we just want to thank you
-for considering us.
-Yeah.
Thank you.
This is my wife.
Cole, Italy's calling!
Time for vacation!
Okay.
-I'm ready.
-Okay.
Here's your itinerary.
I have marked everything out,
and if we follow it,
it should be perfect.
Sounds fun.
Sounds... distracting.
It will be. It'll be fun.
Uber's waiting.
Is your mother
coming to get Axel?
Yep, she should be here
in about ten minutes.
Let's get the fuck out of here.
-Bye.
-Axel, no parties.
-Hi.
-Hello.
Baby, next time,
let me book the flights.
Was there really nothing
direct from Los Angeles?
Hey.
Oh, sorry.
I was listening to a podcast.
-You, a podcast?
-Uh-huh.
Yeah, it's this new podcast.
About?
About the restaurant we're
going to for our anniversary.
-Oh. -Yes, 50 best restaurants
in the world.
Vegetarian restaurant
for my vegetarian husband.
Thank you, baby.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, no, don't worry about it.
-No. Who's-who's this?
-Thank you.
This is, uh, Beatrice.
-Oh.
-Hi, Beatrice.
-Hi.
-You're perfect.
-Aw.
-Aw.
What's this?
I'm rubbing elbows
with one of the greats.
Mm.
Oh. Oh.
Oh, my God.
Is that blood?
-Is your wallet in...
-It's in my front pocket.
Okay, 'cause there's, you know,
a lot of pickpockets here.
Oh, my God, your mother
gets robbed one time in Russia.
I know. It's just...
confirming that...
Dom, it's in my front pocket.
Okay, well,
now everybody has seen
where you're keeping
your wallet.
Can you smell me?
I feel like I smell.
No, it's Europe.
You'll blend in.
Who puts raw meat
in an overhead compartment?
My grandmother used to put
loose sausages
-in her purse.
-What?
This is a bad omen.
I smell like blood.
The odor's gone.
Yes, but the memory lingers,
Dom.
Mm.
This is cute, honey.
Baby, only the best for you.
Dom.
Look at this.
Oh, my God, it's incredible.
And, seriously, thank you
for doing all the planning.
You still have your wallet?
Yes. I do.
-You need to stop.
-I...
We made it, right?
We're here. We did it.
Soak it in.
I am.
-It's in my front pocket.
-Okay, that's what I'm...
-I was trying to be sexy there.
-You were not.
You were giving me
a stop-and-frisk,
and it's not cool.
Has she called yet? Candace?
Not yet.
-Getting nervous?
-No. Are you getting nervous?
No. I would just like
to speak to her, though,
to know that she's real.
Would this be easier
if we were at home?
Really? Do you want to...
'Cause we can go home
if you want to leave Italy.
No. No, no, no,
I don't want to leave Italy.
I don't want to leave Italy.
I want to stay here,
and I want to have fun.
Great. 'Cause we haven't
matched with her yet,
-so don't get too invested.
-Yeah.
Yeah, and she's not even due
for a few weeks,
so it's like...
this is perfect timing.
-Right?
-Hey, yes.
This is perfect timing, okay?
This is a really special
moment for us.
We're gonna have a blast,
all right?
Okay.
-I love you.
-I love you.
I think this might be
the building here.
-That?
-Yeah.
Ciao, Dom! Ciao, Cole!
Come inside! We feed you!
-Yeah?
-That's him.
That's your dad's best friend?
-Yeah. -Wow.
Let's hope they have booze.
So it turned out it was not
the sink but, in fact, a bidet.
Oh, my God!
-I'm sorry.
-No.
A gift.
-What is this?
-No.
Yes, for your anniversary.
Happy anniversary.
-Oh, thank you.
-Thank you.
-You didn't... Oh.
-Wow.
-That is so thoughtful.
-Thank you. Oh.
Oh, my gosh.
Knives.
-These are such unique gifts.
-Yeah.
Your mother said, "He like
knives," so we thought...
Kitchen knives, I think,
is what she meant.
Well, yeah, Dom loves to cook.
Th-They are very good.
I hope you like it, uh, because
they are the top on the top.
Uh...
Yeah, I have one
just like this.
You got them engraved
with our names on it.
Look at this. Cole...
-Domenico.
-Oh.
Look at mine.
Mine says "Cool."
C-O-O-L. Cool knife.
-Cole...
-Risotto.
-Ooh. That smells delicious.
-Okay.
Oh, oh, um, I-I don't eat meat.
-Uh...
-Uh...
Yeah. Thank you.
Uh, grazie.
Buon appetito.
-Ah.
-You tried, baby.
Yeah.
It's much easier on Duolingo.
Yeah, you tried, baby.
Uh, uh, Dom?
Um, your mother told me
about the complication
you gentlemen had
this year with, uh...
with adoption fraud.
Of course she did.
-What happened?
-Yeah, the woman had forged
all these medical records.
It was... it was awful.
-Oh, my God.
-Yeah.
The worst part was
the day after the baby shower,
we found out.
And so we drove around
all night
returning all the gifts
and telling our friends
that there was no baby.
No baby.
Oh, my God. That's a nightmare.
Yeah, that's so horrible.
I'm so sorry.
I was ready to quit, actually.
You were?
Yeah. We talked about it.
-Do you not listen when I...
-No, we talked about
waiting for a little while
before we tried again.
-Right, and we waited longer...
-Well, why don't we talk
-about something else?
-No, I think it's fine.
I think it's okay.
-They're like family.
-Are they?
I think it's... So, you know,
these adoption agencies,
they-they don't tell you
ahead of time
how often these things
turn out to be scams,
and he was...
we were inconsolable
when we found out
that there was no baby.
Ah, no.
We just want to be dads,
you know?
You mentioned maybe
we could get some gelato
-somewhere around here?
-Yeah. Why not?
-There's one over there.
-Okay, great.
-Uh, uh, one more thing.
-Yeah.
-Treat for your anniversary.
-Uh-huh.
If you want, I can make you
a special reservation,
but just if you want.
-Oh.
-Oh, well, Dom actually made
plans for us
for the anniversary.
Yeah, no, it's... we could
cancel if we want or...
No, baby.
I am naughty
because I already did it.
Oh.
When you sent me the plan
of your trip in Italy...
-Yeah.
-...I see that you will be
in Orvieto
for your anniversary.
-Yes. Yeah, yeah.
-Oh, it's magical.
Great.
And this woman, the cook--
ah, you will love her.
-And her restaurant-- amazing.
-Yeah.
-Uh, she's special, huh?
-Uh-huh.
She's not a summer chicken,
huh?
Spring chicken?
-Spring chicken.
-Yeah.
Very old, uh, Zia Luciana.
You have to call and call
to get the reservation
because I told her that you are
very big fan of her cooking
and you are coming from
United States just to visit her
and she say that she will get
her oven hot just for you.
-Very cool.
-Yeah, and so rare
that a woman will get
an oven hot for us.
I know. We haven't had that
in a long time.
You know Daniele.
He already paid.
-Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no.
-Yes.
-You don't need to do that.
-Yeah, no, don't mention that.
Come on, you are the only son
of my best friend,
and I want for you
this trip in Italy
to be the best memory
in your life, hmm?
Grazie mille.
-Shall we go?
-Okay.
-I'll see you tomorrow.
-All right.
-All right, bye. Grazie.
-Ciao. -Um, goodbye.
So, this is, um...
What?
This is romantic.
It's beautiful.
Your rental car, gentlemen.
-Oh, wow.
-Hey.
Buongiorno.
So, here you have the keys.
Okay.
-My card.
-Thank you.
For anything at all,
any trouble, you call me.
-Thank you. We will. Okay.
-Yeah?
And...
be careful.
What?
-Okay.
-Ciao.
-Ciao. Ciao.
-We will.
-Okay, bye.
-Thank you.
Ciao. Thank you so...
-Ciao, ciao, ciao.
-Thank you so much.
Ciao to you.
Hey, ciao!
Did you think it was weird that
Daniele was like, "Be careful"?
"Be careful." "Be careful."
I didn't love that.
Do you think he meant
because I was driving?
Or because we are...
-Uh, gay.
-Uh, gay.
-Baby, we're in the country.
-It's so beautiful, huh?
Oh, I love this song.
To love
Only me
Are we going the right way?
Yeah.
Ain't saying
you ain't pretty...
You are pretty, baby.
You are pretty.
Thank you.
Not ready for any...
Oh, look. Old buildings.
My goodness. Ready?
Try and pull the reins
In on me
-So... Too high.
-Ready?
It got too... it got too high.
That's where I take over.
Yeah, take it, baby.
Here we are.
Oh...
You sing so beautifully.
If you live without me.
I'm gonna go check in.
-All right, I'll get the bags.
-Yeah.
-Buongiorno.
-Buongiorno.
-Uh, welcome.
-Check in. Yeah.
Are you Mr. Collosimo?
S, Si.
We have our honeymoon suite.
Uh, right?
Are you on a honeymoon?
No, it's our anniversary.
Uh... uh, s-sorry,
I-I don't understand you.
Is the room ready?
No, it is ready,
the room, but, uh,
there has been a... um...
No problem, because now
we will fix, uh...
Come with me. I show you the...
Yeah, I-I show you
the-the room.
And, uh, don't worry
about the luggages, huh?
-Sorry.
-Sorry?
Uh...
Sorry for what?
The... the room is set up
for a husband, uh, and wife.
And I-I don't notice
that you travel
with, uh, your colleague.
Very embarrassed. Un momento.
-Colleague?
-It's fine. It's fine, Dom.
Oh, my God, Dom.
Look at this view.
-Oh, my God.
-Uh, yes, uh...
You can see
the entire valley, huh?
It is small, uh,
but, uh, is, uh...
How do you say?
Mm...
Grazie.
-What just happened?
-I don't know.
Oh.
He seemed like he was having
some sort of attack.
Okay, I'm getting
a 412 area code.
Okay, I think it's Candace.
It's her.
Okay. Okay.
Okay. Okay, uh...
-Chairs. Chairs.
-Okay. Okay, good.
-Yeah, yeah.
-Okay. Okay, um...
All right, so we just need
to make this, uh,
a-as... as great as possible.
-Yeah, we just...
-She has to love us.
We have to be very cool
and very normal.
-So be normal and cool.
-I am being normal.
Hey. Be cool and normal.
-I'm being cool and normal.
-Great.
Hi!
Hi. Uh, uh,
is this Cole and Dom?
-Hello.
-Yes. Hi.
It's so great to meet you,
Candace.
I'm sorry that
it-it's taken me a bit.
-It's just, there's...
-Oh.
There's a lot to, uh...
to manage with, uh,
-work and-and night school.
-Sure.
And obviously
the pregnancy, so...
Oh, don't worry.
We completely understand.
Ah, I get so nervous.
And excited. I'm excited.
-You're real.
-Yeah.
Can we, um...
Can we see your belly?
Yeah, this is, uh...
this pregnancy is very real.
Wow.
How do you feel?
I'm good. I'm... I...
You know, I-I don't...
I don't have a lot of support,
but, you know...
It's a really hard decision
to make, you know?
I can't imagine.
Like, I know that
I can't give this baby
anything close
to what it deserves
or what I want for it, so, um,
it's just been a really...
hard and good dec... choice.
Yeah. Well, you're...
you're really brave.
I-I really liked your video.
Oh.
-Um, you seem fun.
-Totally.
Yeah, no, I mean, but caring,
but also fun,
like you'd be fun dads.
Totally fun.
Super fun dads,
but also organized and...
Okay, Dom.
Do you think
you could tell me why...
you know, why you want
to have kids together?
Well, we both always
wanted kids.
That was always the dream.
But we knew if we just, like,
stayed focused
and-and really kept our eye
on what we really wanted,
which was a family,
that we could make that happen.
And when I look at him...
...I'm just very sure.
So thank you
for reminding me to look.
Yeah, I feel the same way.
Mm.
Well, I've already talked to,
um, a few families,
and I didn't feel like
any of them were quite right.
You know, like my mom
always said before she...
she always said, like,
"Candace, trust your gut,"
and honestly, like, I have
this gut instinct that...
that it's the two of you.
What?
I think... I think that you...
you should be the fathers
to this little baby boy.
-Wait. Re-Really?
-Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Holy shit, yeah.
Right? I-I, um...
You guys are everything
I've imagined, really.
Uh...
Are you serious? Like...
Really, yeah. I mean,
please don't bail on me.
-No. We promise.
-Oh, no.
No, we...
No, w-we're not gonna bail.
And he's a boy?
He's-he's-he's a boy?
He's a baby boy.
He's a big old baby boy.
We're having a boy.
I know you guys have waited
a really long time.
It's been like three years,
I guess.
It must have been really hard.
-But worth the wait.
-Yes.
Well, you're not
gonna be waiting
that much longer
because he's due
-in less than a month, so...
-Oh.
He's actually kicking
my bladder right now.
-Uh... Oh.
-I'm actually gonna...
-I'm gonna call you guys back.
-Yeah?
I'm just gonna need a little...
a minute.
-Call us whenever.
-Of course, yeah.
And we-we're always here
for you, so...
Anything you need.
-Anything.
-For real, anything.
Thank you guys.
This is so good.
-Okay. Bye.
-Bye.
We're...
-It's happening.
-It's really...
It's real. Like, we're...
like, we're gonna have to...
we're gonna have to, like,
do this now, right?
-Yeah. Yes. Finally.
-Right?
After all those years
of trying and...
and getting close and then...
It's been really hard, right?
It has been really hard, but...
Maybe we haven't been,
like... like...
No, we haven't...
we haven't been connecting.
I'm really sorry.
I'm really sorry
that I haven't always been...
But I...
I really want
to do this with you.
I do, too.
-We can do this together, okay?
-Yes. Yes.
-You're my teammate.
-You're my colleague.
You're my colleague.
You're gonna be
such a good dad.
Our hearts are free
So tell me what's wrong
with the feeling
I'm a flower,
you're the bee
It's much older
than you and me
I'm in love, I'm alive
I belong to
the stars and sky
Let's forget who we are
for one night
Mmm.
We're not animals, baby,
it's the people who lie
-To themselves
-I want real love, baby
Ooh, don't leave me waiting
I've got real love, maybe
-Uh-huh.
-Wait until you taste me
I want real love, baby
There's a world inside me
Got the key, just use it
Just if for a minute
-And gone
-Our hearts are free
So tell me what's wrong
with the feeling
I'm a flower,
you're the bee...
Happy anniversary.
-Ah.
-Ten years.
Baby, you'd be lost without me.
Would I be?
-Right.
-I mean, I think you would.
No, no, make a right,
right here.
-Oh, shit.
-No, turn right. Turn.
-Oh, this doesn't feel right.
-I know, but...
It's a farmhouse, so...
This cannot be correct.
It's a mile that way.
Really? Th-This is the way
to a restaurant?
Yes, the restaurant
is also her farmhouse.
See, I'm just telling you...
Why are you being this way?
I'm sorry, being what way?
That you don't trust me.
I do trust you.
I just also trust my eyes.
Okay.
Ooh!
-Oh...
-Fuck.
-Okay, just, um...
-Okay, hold on.
-Hold on.
-Yeah, just back it up.
Dom... Ah, shit.
-Okay.
-No, wait. Hold on.
Just...
-Okay, okay, you're...
-Fuck.
Cole, just...
Cole, Cole, Cole, Cole, Cole.
It's all good.
Just don't panic, okay?
-This is bad, Dom.
-I know. I can...
I can get help.
Yeah, 'cause I'm sure
Triple A is on standby
for two faggy tourists.
I will walk
to the restaurant...
Do you really think
there's a restaurant
anywhere around here?
Let me be your knight
in shining armor.
Wow.
No, no!
Oh, my God!
Ugh.
Jesus.
Fuck.
I'm gonna die here.
We're gonna die here.
Hey, babe, I'm pretty sure
the restaurant's not that way.
You think?
So I'm gonna go around back,
and I'm gonna take a look,
okay?
What does he think
he's gonna do?
So, I'm just getting
this tire dug out.
Okay, press down
on the accelerator.
Okay.
Come on, come on,
come on, come on.
Ah, stop it! Stop it!
Oh, fuck.
Well, this is great.
Okay.
Okay, grazie mille. Okay.
Hi.
So, it turns out, if you walk
for a half an hour in the rain,
it cleans you right up.
You look great.
-So I made a phone call.
-Mm-hmm.
Called my mom.
-Just to get some ideas.
-Of course you did.
And she suggested
calling Daniele.
Which I did.
-Mm-hmm.
-He has called Triple A.
And they are en route.
Fun fact: Here in Italy,
Triple A is called "Triple Ah."
Fuck off.
See, it is kind of funny,
right?
We can't even get to dinner.
How are we supposed
to raise a child?
--Yeah,
come on, come on, come on.
Yes, hi.
Come, come, come, come.
Cole, Cole, wake up.
Oh, God.
Is that Triple Ah?
I think so.
Yes. Hello.
Hi.
-How the fuck did he find us?
-Are you here to help?
Thank you for coming out,
especially in this weather.
-S. Yeah.
-Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, we...
Yeah, he told me
to do that part.
Mm-hmm. We tried that.
Yeah, no, we...
-We definitely tried that.
-We tried that.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's pretty bad, right?
I think he's here to help.
Help us what?
Hon, we're not getting
any better offers right now.
Okay?
It's an adventure.
-Okay.
-Coming.
You know, it's really hard
to get this car
in forest green in the U.S.
Sorry, where-where are you
taking us?
Do you speak any English?
We-we're staying
at the, um-- fuck--
the Hotel L... L'Spigerella?
-Goddamn it.
-What?
I left my phone in the car.
What?
All right, well,
we'll be back there soon.
I'll... I'll hold on
to the keys.
Thank you.
What is going on?
I-I don't know.
Well, where is he going?
-Is that...
-Okay. Yeah, don't look.
-Oh, my God.
-Don't...
Cole, don't look.
Cole, look at me.
-Hey, hey, hey.
-No, that's a...
Yeah, I know. Hey, look at me.
Uh, can we make a phone call?
Scusi? Scusi?
Okay.
Oh, whoa, whoa.
Whoa-oh! Hey!
-Scusi!
-What the fuck?
Hey, wait! Scusi!
Where are you going?
So this isn't his house?
-No.
-What the fuck?
Well, maybe on the bright side,
we can just say
he didn't shoot us.
What?
Oh, you...
Happy anniversary.
What are you doing?
I'm checking to see
if anybody's home
so we can go inside
and make a phone call,
get the fuck out of here.
We're sorry to bother you,
but, um, our...
Uh, a man just dropped us off.
Our car...
got stuck.
Geez!
I don't want to go.
I don't want to.
Do you have a phone?
-Huh?
-Uh, a phone.
Scusi. Um, uh, telefono,
um, is, um, uh, dead.
Morto.
-What the fuck is going on?
-I don't know.
I just gave my phone
to a blind woman.
-Super into goats.
-Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Of course.
She's Zia Luciana.
This is the restaurant.
She's Zia Luciana.
Hold on. Hold on.
This is the restaurant
we're supposed to be at?
Yeah, uh...
Daniele said it was authentic.
It's, uh, rustic.
Ah! You're Zia Luciana.
-S.
-You are her. She is you.
Ah. Okay.
Okay.
Oh. Thank you.
-That looks delicious.
-Pretty good.
-Grazie.
-Prego.
-Grazie.
-Eh?
-Okay.
-All right.
Oh. Wow.
-Holy...
-This is really delicious.
-And you doubted Daniele.
-I did, but this is
between me and the pizza now.
It's so sweet.
I mean, they really
set us up for...
They set us up. Yeah.
Yes. I know
what that word means.
-We'll take a whole case
if you got it. -Mmm.
-Right, huh?
-I don't even know.
No, I think she wants...
Aw.
Salute.
Uh, to our new family.
Chin-chin.
Chin-chin!
-Mm-hmm.
-That means "to love."
Yep.
-Yeah.
-Mm-hmm.
-I think she wants...
-Us to do it.
-Sure.
-Okay.
Mm...
No!
-You see that?
-Yeah, I saw.
No, did you see her face
when we kissed?
I mean, she asked us to kiss,
and then she was
disgusted by it.
She's like 2,000 years old.
Daniele told me she makes wine
the old-fashioned way.
-Old-fashioned?
-Yeah.
She stomps the grapes
with her little tootsies.
-She stomps the grapes...
-Mm-hmm.
-...with her 80-year-old feet?
-Mm-hmm.
But don't you worry--
all the foot fungus
is removed during
the fermentation process.
So we almost died
on our anniversary...
-Mm-hmm.
-...for foot wine?
Mm-hmm.
And for that,
I love you very much.
Are you already a little drunk?
Maybe.
I'm sorry I freaked out.
I shouldn't have done that.
Hey.
I don't mind.
I kind of like it
when you panic.
-You like it when I panic?
-Yeah.
Makes me feel like you need me.
Baby, I do need you.
You're gonna be
a great dad, Cole.
I was beginning to think
that maybe...
-We would never be dads?
-No.
That we would die here.
Just alone in a...
a rental car.
We ain't going out like that.
We're gonna figure it out.
-We always do.
-Yes.
Oh.
-Wow.
-Ooh.
It's like a work of art.
Oh. That's all you, baby.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Go ahead.
-Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Mmm!
Holy shit,
this sausage is legendary.
-Mmm!
-Dom.
Put some on your plate.
You don't understand--
there's nothing worse,
no act of violence
more traumatic for her
than you not eating her food.
I haven't eaten meat
in 15 years.
It looks delicious.
Mmm. Uh-huh.
You didn't have to take
that big of a bite.
It was an accident.
Mmm. Delicious.
-Ah.
-Delicious.
-Mmm.
-Mmm.
Ta-da!
It's so inspiring
to see someone
so passionate about their food.
Mm-hmm.
-I'm gonna hurl.
-What?
-I'm gonna...
-Oh, my God.
Baby, uh...
Uh, he-he went to the bathroom.
He's constipated.
He hasn't gone
since we've been here.
Definitely not puking
from your meat.
To wash my hands
from all the...
Ow. Okay, thank you.
Oh, it's very hot.
Nice. Oh, thank you.
-Grazie.
-Prego.
-Okay.
-No, no.
Oh.
-Okay.
-No.
Oh, okay, okay, okay.
Grazie.
Okay?
Yeah?
Bravo.
Dom!
Okay.
Oh.
Good evening.
Oh, no.
We got to get the fuck out...
What's going on here?
Uh, she took my shirt.
She undressed you?
You're making me feel weird.
Baby, it is weird.
I was dirty.
Hey.
What is going on?
I think she's getting me
a new shirt.
-Okay, well, that's weird, too.
-I know.
Look, there is
a very, very old...
It doesn't matter.
It's late. I'm tired.
I don't feel well.
Let's just go and cuddle.
Yeah, I-I like that idea.
-That sounds nice.
-Okay. Okay. Okay.
Oh, here she comes.
-Zia Luciana...
-Oh.
Um, we are very tired.
We're very tired,
and we would like
to, um, go home,
so can we use your phone?
Your phone?
Ah. Telefono.
Maybe my phone's
charged now, too.
-Wow.
-Telefono. Telefono.
-Grazie.
-Prego.
Goddamn it.
It's amazing-- your kitchen.
Is that a pizza oven?
Dom?
-Yeah?
-What is Daniele's number?
Uh...
3476...
Dom, let's just
get out of here, okay?
I can't see a fucking thing.
Does she have a generator?
Well, how the fuck
would I know that?
I'm just gonna
go look for matches.
Dom, can we just... Oh, fuck!
-You okay?
-Yes.
Okay.
-Cole?
-Dom?
Ah, fuck!
Ow! Whoa!
Oh, my God, she just...
sh-sh-she just
jumped out at me,
and she-she just... she...
What are we gonna do?
Hey, hey. Cole, just breathe.
Just breathe.
Okay.
Zia?
Call an ambulance.
-Your phone doesn't work.
-Use the house phone.
-House phone?
-Call an ambulance.
-911. 911.
-Mm-hmm.
911. 911.
Shit.
Fuck.
Zia?
No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
Zia?
-Cole!
-What?
Cole, she's... she's not, uh...
Dead?
She's not alive.
Is she dead?
Call the fucking ambulance.
It's not working.
911 is different in Italy.
It doesn't matter,
because there's no power.
Shit, shit.
Is she breathing?
She's not moving.
Oh, my God. What do we do?
-CPR.
-What?
We can do CPR.
We took the class.
That was CPR for infants.
I know,
so this should be easier.
Uh... I can't do it.
I can't, either.
I wasn't paying attention.
You weren't paying attention
in CPR for infants
and we were about
to have an infant?
I was gonna watch it again
when we had the baby.
Is this because
you didn't think
we were gonna have that baby?
Wow.
You do it!
You do it.
Okay.
What was that?
Bones?
Bones?
I think you cracked her ribs.
I hurt her?
-No.
-How?
Well, because she's already...
We should go for help.
-Yes, yes. Okay.
-Yes, yes.
Stay here.
Fuck!
What do we do?
Accidents happen, right?
-Right.
-Right? Okay, so...
We didn't do anything wrong,
and that's what
we'll tell them.
Tell who?
The-the cops or the ambulance.
-I don't know.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You want to tell the police
in our perfect Italian
that we accidentally
knocked an old woman
down a flight of stairs
and then cracked her ribs
trying to revive her?
Well, I wouldn't phrase it
exactly like that.
How would you phrase it, Dom?
I would say something like
we're...
you know, two hapless tourists
who-who...
You know, fuck me, we...
we got...
we got stuck in a ditch.
And we met
a very sweet old woman
who, like so many other
sweet old women,
fell down a flight of stairs
while we were
in the other room.
There.
That's what I would say.
What about the broken ribs?
Accidents happen.
Oh, God.
-What is that?
-It's a car. Someone's coming.
-Who?
-I don't know. Your mother?
No, she's still in California.
She couldn't have gotten here
that quickly.
What are we gonna do?
All right,
I'm gonna go handle it.
You go watch her.
Watch her what, die more?
Yeah.
Hi. Can I, uh, help you?
Give me keys.
I'm sorry, did you say
you want me to give you a kiss?
Give me keys.
Oh, keys.
Our keys-- you...
you want our car keys.
Ah.
Are you Triple Ah?
I take.
Oh, God.
Cole?
-Who the fuck was that?
-Jesus.
-Hiding in a manger?
-Yes!
It was some man.
I-I gave him our car keys.
-You gave him our keys?
-Yes. I had no choice.
-You had no choice?
-He asked very forcefully.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God, great.
Okay, here's what
we're gonna do.
We're gonna take her car,
we're gonna go find our car,
and then
we're gonna drive to Rome
and we'll be there by morning.
We're just gonna
leave her down here?
Someone will find her.
-Eventually.
-And you're okay with that?
I can get okay with that.
I can't just leave her
in a basement.
We have to...
take her to a hospital?
She's dead.
Okay, fine.
We'll move her.
-Ow. Fucking ham.
-Oh.
That...
Okay.
Arms.
Okay, on three.
Okay.
One, two, three.
Oh!
Oh, God, was that her neck?
Fucking old lady bones.
-Baby. Let's go.
-Oh, God.
-Okay.
-Ready?
-Yep.
-Cradle her head.
One, two, three.
Oh, God.
She's heavy.
It's dead weight, baby.
Throw your back into it.
Lift with your legs, baby.
Yeah, baby.
I know, I know. Okay.
Oh, God. Okay,
I-I-I need to put her down.
-Where?
-Uh, on the floor?
-The floor is dirty.
-Okay.
-Uh, on the table.
-Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
-Just hold her.
-Oh, God.
Hurry up.
Well, I don't want
to break her stemware.
-Okay. All right, ready?
-Okay.
-Yep.
-Okay.
Just come here, Zia.
There we go, Zia.
There we go, babe. There we go.
-Let's just slide her back.
-Okay. Slide her down.
Oh!
You got to quit
breaking her bones, man.
-I'm not breaking her bones!
-Oh, God.
-Okay. Okay. -Okay, we just
need to find her car keys.
Okay. Okay. Uh, by the door.
-By the door, I think.
-Okay, okay, okay.
-Okay, I got 'em.
-Okay.
Oh.
This is real.
We're not bad people.
We're supposed to be on our
anniversary, for fuck's sake.
Okay, Dom, don't freak out.
If you freak out,
then I freak out, okay?
Just go call someone.
Okay. Okay.
The phone.
Call on the phone.
Dom?
Are we sure that's a good idea?
Jesus Christ!
Yeah.
Jesus Christ.
She had Jesus Christ
in her life.
And it was a long life
and a beautiful life,
but it is over now, okay?
And I will not risk my--
ours-- our family's life,
because she tumbled
down a flight of stairs!
Okay. Dom, just don't yell
at me right now.
Look!
A lost rental car?
We can handle that.
That's just
some insurance bullshit.
But a dead body?
We have a child coming,
and we cannot get involved
in all of this
and jeopardize
our child's future.
Yes. You are right.
Oh, f...
Fuck!
-What are you doing?
-Getting rid of the evidence.
Help me.
There we go.
Uh...
Come on, come on,
come on, come on, come on.
Yes, I'm trying.
Pulled you out
like a little bitch.
-Are those...
-Yes, these are our car keys
'cause this is the man
who took our keys.
Thank you.
Ah, it was nothing.
Uh, well, how-how did you
get it out?
It was... it was really stuck.
I mean, we didn't even
know how to...
Why would you know how to?
You from, uh, city, no?
You don't know dirt.
I would tell how, but, uh...
you will not be
in this situation again, right?
Right.
Uh, I, uh...
I apologize for earlier.
Uh, my... my attitude
was not correct.
Pedro was so mad you blocked
the road to his farm.
Oh, we're so sorry about that.
I mean...
I don't mind to help.
Just, uh, so tired.
Uh, was out hunting all day.
And, uh, was in
the middle of sex
when I get the call to come,
so, uh...
I come, and then I come.
Well, we're sorry
about that, too.
Uh, just been a very long time.
Uh, I knew how important it was
for my mother
to have you here tonight.
Your mother?
S. When she say, "Massimo,
come relieve these men,"
I knew I must come.
"Mamma, Mamma, okay, okay."
Uh, she's, uh... so excited.
You give her, uh, new life.
Uh, before this, uh,
she not even wanting
to cook ever again.
But when she found out
she had fans
and that you come so far
to eat her...
-I'm sorry?
-Eat... eat with her?
S, Si.
This, uh... my English.
Our Italian.
You really, uh,
bring her back to life.
This the woman I know,
you know?
So, many thank-yous, to youse.
Well, a toast, uh, uh... Ma?
She's deaf.
You know what?
We're driving,
so we probably shouldn't drink,
and we should probably
be going.
No, no. Massimo?
S?
There's something
we need to tell you.
-Dom.
-Your mother...
Dom.
-S?
-She, uh...
Makes the best pizza we've ever
tasted in our entire lives.
Well...
Well, is true, this.
Uh...
I tell to you,
she live for this night.
For you to care
about her cooking.
Is more the case now that, uh,
my brother Giovanni...
...is, uh, die.
Is gone.
Uh, pass away.
Hmm. Sorry.
Yes, and, uh, my father...
he have, uh...
coma stroke, uh,
when my brother die.
Now he on, uh...
iron lung six month.
Ah, I say too much.
Uh, we drink.
I find some grappa. You like?
You will like.
You no go till we drink
together.
Okay.
Let's go now. Let's go now.
Open it. Open it.
-You open it.
-You open it.
-You have the keys.
-I don't... Oh, wait.
-You...
-I don't... I...
-Okay, uh, I do.
-No.
I have the keys, uh,
but I do not have the phone.
-Well, go get your phone.
-I'm going.
-Ciao.
-Hi.
-Oh!
-Sorry, sorry to jump you.
-Oh, no.
-Um...
-I am Francesca.
-Uh-huh.
-Oh, great.
-Oh, okay.
S, um... you-you Finnish?
Yeah, uh, no, we're American.
No, finish with the dinner.
-Uh, yeah.
-Uh-huh.
-I know who you...
-You do?
S. You the, um... uh...
Luciana tell me all about you.
-Ah.
-She did?
Ah. Dom and Cole,
uh, from Los Angeles.
-I know everything.
-Uh-huh.
Okay. Everything?
You leaving?
-Yeah, yeah, we got to go.
-Yeah.
-Yeah. -In fact,
I got to go get my phone.
-Yeah, grab the phone and...
-So nice to meet you. Bye.
-Okay.
-Yeah, we're just gonna...
We'll be on our way.
-Another. Another. Yes.
-Oh, uh, thank-thank you.
-Come.
-Thank you.
You are wet.
Uh, yeah.
Where you go?
Just coming to get my phone.
Your mom was charging it
for me and...
That is, uh...
This, uh...
It is, uh...
This my...
This my brother's shirt--
Giovanni.
-Yeah.
-I buy for him.
-Yeah. Your mom.
-I know this.
-How you get?
-Your mom...
My shirt was muddy,
and so your mom...
-Mamma give you this?
-Yeah.
Mamma give you shirt
of my brother?
Yeah, she gave it to me
'cause she washed my...
No, no, no.
Too soon.
Giovanni only die
a little bit ago.
I can give you back the shirt.
I-I really don't need
to keep it.
Giovanni was, uh, like you.
He a gay.
Uh, she always want him
to be happy.
Make husband, have a family.
But, uh, it not go like this.
I'm really sorry.
-She deaf.
-She deaf. Yeah.
I'm gonna get the phone,
and then I'm gonna...
Ooh. No...
You two, uh, walk home
or, uh, need these?
Come.
Drink with me.
It's just that
my husband's outside.
-He's waiting for...
-He figure out. Sit.
We were just trying to drive
back to the city tonight.
We weren't thinking
it was gonna be
a big late night, so...
No grappa...
no leave.
Fuck.
Thank you so much. That's...
-...really nice of you.
-Ah, is nothing.
I should really go.
You no see, uh,
a small, black goat?
She Luna.
Oh, no, uh, just, um...
just Bella.
She get scared.
-Oh.
-Scared of, um...
Massimo, I'm really sorry for
wearing your brother's shirt.
I'd like to return it.
You going to be dead.
What?
-Dead. You going to be dead.
-No.
-Dead. Is wonderful.
-No. No.
-You going to be dead.
-I don't want to be dead!
-I got to go find Dom.
-Or, um, she hide.
Or in there.
In there, under table,
in there.
No, no. No, no, no,
she's not in there.
No, 'cause I would've...
I was in there.
I would've seen her.
So she's not... not in there.
Definitely not under the table.
Okay, uh...
Well, I'll see you.
-Ciao.
-Bye.
We celebrate.
I-I take head off.
No. Please don't take
the head off. No.
-You going to be dead.
-I don't want to be dead!
Why not? Is great.
It happens when it happens.
-You going to be dead.
-No, please.
-Dead, dead, dead!
-I don't want to be dead!
Fuck.
Is pathetic. Come here!
You going to be dead.
-I don't want to.
-Dead.
Ay, uh...
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Cole, you stabbed him.
Well, he was gonna...
I just needed to...
Oh!
Why you treat me
like town horse?
I come to say
you going to be dead.
Why?
-No.
-Dead.
Sorry.
Sorry. Sorry.
Sorry.
Oh, God.
Oh!
You stabbed him!
You stabbed him first!
Well, I was trying
to protect you.
I was trying to protect you.
-God.
-Are you hurt?
-No, I'm fine. I'm just scared.
-Okay.
-Okay. Okay.
-Oh, God.
Is he...
I don't know.
-Okay, here we go!
-Okay, flip him.
Oh, God, there's so much blood.
Oh, so much blood.
-It was an accident, right?
-It was self-defense.
He was gonna kill you. He was
gonna stab you with that knife.
And then he was gonna drink
that champagne.
Oh, God.
This is all your fault!
-What?
-You planned this trip,
and now two people are dead.
We've killed two people.
-We're gonna go to jail.
-No, we're Americans.
They can't.
-Oh!
-Holy shit.
-He's not dead.
-He's alive.
-What do we do?
-We can save him.
What?
-We can do CPR.
-No.
Yes! Um, Massimo, stay with us.
We-we're gonna do, uh...
we're gonna do CPR.
You got to do the mouth part.
-Me?
-Yes, you do the mouth part!
You did it for Zia.
Look how well it went.
I can't do it.
I've got a deviated septum.
I can't get any power
behind it.
-Come on, baby, you got this.
-Oh, God.
No blood-borne pathogens.
No blood-borne pathogens.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Go in. Go in.
Yeah. Good job, baby.
Good job.
-Yes.
-Oh, God.
Good.
Oh, my God.
You-you saved him.
Well, we killed him first.
Yes, but now we've saved him.
Massimo, this was all just
a full-blown
miscommunication, okay?
Just stay with us.
-Oh, good. There, there.
-There we go. Stay with us.
What do we do now?
Dottore.
What...
-Dottore.
Dottore. Dottore.
He needs a doctor. Yes.
Massimo,
a doctor is on the way.
-Dom?
-What? He doesn't know.
We've got to stay positive
right now.
Okay. Chiamo un dottore.
The Duolingo's really
starting to kick in.
-You sound great, baby.
-Okay.
It's the phone.
-Get the phone.
-Okay.
Okay.
You're doing great.
Okay.
Baby, baby, it's Candace.
What? We have to get it.
-I know. Wait, where? Where?
-Uh...
-There.
-Okay, right here. Okay.
-Okay.
-Okay.
Baby, your face
is covered in blood.
Baby, you're totally
covered in blood.
-Okay. Okay.
-We need to clean this up.
Okay.
-Okay. Okay.
-Uh...
-What's my hair doing?
-Baby.
Okay.
Ready?
Hey.
Oh, hey, guys. There you are.
Hi. Hi.
Yeah. Oh, are you okay?
Are-are you in the hospital?
I am. I'm just, uh...
I'm just, uh...
Wh-Where are you guys?
Oh, we're just having
a very, uh,
-just relaxed dinner at home.
-Oh, pizza night.
Um, can you just excuse me
one quick second?
So, what's going on with you?
I'm sorry. Hey, man, I really
need you to just keep it down
for one quick second.
This is a really important
phone call.
Okay?
Okay? Stay with me.
Um, I've been trying
to get ahold of you
'cause the baby's coming.
What?
Yeah, yeah.
I guess he maybe
heard your voice
and decided that it was time,
because my water broke
after I spoke to you guys.
So, I'm in the hospital.
Uh, my sister's
been trying to reach you guys,
so you probably have
-a bunch of missed calls.
-Oh, n...
We're so sorry about that.
We're really sorry.
No, everything
is totally fine here.
I-I know. It's okay. I just...
I was, like, really anxious,
and, um, I-I... maybe I thought
something had maybe happened
to you guys, so...
No. No, no, no.
No, nothing
out of the ordinary.
No.
That's a relief. Um, yeah.
I didn't want to be panicked
while I was going into labor.
No, we don't want that.
-He's dead. He's dead.
-Our phones died.
And, um,
but now they're charged.
-Yeah.
-And, um, we're here.
And how is the...
how is the-the birthing going?
How is... how are you feeling?
Good. Everything's good.
I'm five centimeters dilated,
and the doctor says the baby's
heartbeat is very, very strong.
-Okay.
-And I'm good.
He just really wants out.
This is just, like,
all just so much, right?
Yeah, yeah, well, we will
pull ourselves together here,
and, um, we'll...
we'll get to the airport.
I'm so glad I got you guys.
I'm so glad.
-Well, we are, too.
-Yeah.
And we will see you
very, very soon.
Yes.
The doctor's coming in
real quick.
I'm gonna call
you guys back, okay?
-Oh, go. Go, go. Yeah.
-Oh, yeah.
Bye!
We're gonna be dads.
He was saying,
"You're gonna be dad."
This can't be happening.
Why is this happening
to us right now?
I don't know.
Hey.
Look.
It's okay.
It's okay to be scared.
-Are you scared?
-Yes.
I'm terrified.
-But you're gonna be okay.
-I don't know.
I don't know. I...
I feel like I'm gonna...
I feel like I'm gonna pass out.
No.
No.
Whatever happens,
I love you so much.
I love you, too.
Now we need to go.
-We need to go to the airport
right now. -Yes.
Let's go.
What about him?
We killed him twice.
-We saved him once.
-I know.
CPR-- it's-it's a hoax.
-It never works.
-And he was gonna kill us.
As soon as he saw his dead mom,
-he was gonna kill us.
-For sure.
We were holding our ground.
-Exactly.
-Yeah.
And we are the only two people
who know what happened.
D-Does that seems like
we committed a crime?
Yes.
That's why we need to go
get our son right now.
-Yes. Let's go.
-Okay.
I'll get the keys.
Oh, God.
What should we do with this?
Uh...
Uh, I can explain.
It's not what it looks like!
No, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no!
Get her. I'll find the keys.
Wait, wait. Wait, wait.
Slow down.
Why are you running?
Francesca?
Francesca,
this whole thing is just a...
a real misunderstanding.
We could just explain
that, um...
...that, uh, we're good guys
and, um, if we just got
a chance to, uh...
to maybe talk this through...
Okay.
Zia Luciana was, uh...
in the kitchen, and she...
she fell down some stairs.
And, uh, I swear we were...
we were trying to revive her.
And Massimo...
well, Massimo was trying
to kill my husband,
so I had to do something.
It was self-defense.
Fuck!
Okay.
Francesca...
I just want to talk to you.
Cole.
Oh, wrong keys!
I just want to talk.
Okay?
Oh, God.
Fate fagotto e andatevene.
What?
Cazzo.
Fate fagotto e andatevene!
Did you just call me a faggot?
Shit. Shit.
-Oh...
-Oh, my God.
You hit her.
No.
It was so dark, and then I...
the goat... so I-I did that,
and it's like
sh-she hit the car.
It was an accident.
Oh, God.
Okay, but this has to be
the last one.
Absolutely.
I don't want
to do this anymore.
No, this can't be, like,
a thing we start doing in L.A.
-Yeah.
-She called me a fag.
-What?
-Yeah.
Gross.
Like five times.
Toxic.
Are you okay?
I mean, I've been better.
Oh, my God.
Well, let's...
-Let's throw her in the truck.
-Oh, God.
Okay.
I feel like we would've
been friends with them.
-Fuckin' A.
-Okay.
-Okay.
-All right.
There we go.
Okay.
Oh.
Well, we can't leave them
like this.
Then how are we supposed to,
you know, leave them?
Do you think they have
any trash bags?
-I'll look.
-Okay.
Sorry, guys.
-Dom?
-Yeah?
Come here for a second.
What?
I have an idea.
-Hmm.
-It's for our family.
Okay.
Oh, God.
-I can't.
-Okay, put him down.
Oh, God, he's a big boy.
Here we go. Ready?
One, two, three.
Massimo.
Cole, what is happening?
I don't know.
I thought we killed her.
Massimo.
Cole?
Cole, do something!
That one's on you.
Okay. Okay.
Okay, CPR works.
-Baby, good job.
-All right. You, too.
Okay, here we go.
-Okay. He's heavy.
-Here we go.
Here. Put these on.
It's the best I could find.
Wait.
That's what you're wearing?
Yes.
Oh.
Hurry up.
Okay. I got it.
-I got the rest.
-Okay.
Lookin' in your eyes,
I see a paradise
This world that I found
is too good to be true
Standin' here beside you,
want so much...
"On our way to the airport.
See you soon."
Okay.
-Can you put your seat belt on?
-I will in a minute.
Can... We've had enough
accidents today. Can...
I just want to get out
onto the road.
Can you just put
the seat belt on, please?
All right.
-Oh, fuck.
-What?
-Oh, Dom.
-What?
I forgot about the old man.
What old man?
Zia's husband,
in the iron lung.
I was gonna tell you,
but then, you know, we started
-killing people and...
-Right, right.
Oh, oh, oh, it's Candace.
She said, "I knew
you could do it. Hurry."
Aw, she is... she's the best.
Hey, would you put
your seat belt on?
-Oh, my God.
-Come on.
It's not just...
Put on your seat...
Nothing's gonna stop us now
And if this world
runs out of lovers
We'll still have each other
Nothing's gonna stop us
-Nothing's gonna stop us...
-And we can
Build this dream together
Standing strong forever
-Whoa
-Nothing's gonna stop us...
Cool?
Ah. "Cool."
-Here?
-Yeah.
Okay.
-I think it's that one.
-Yeah, yeah.
-Just walk fast but, like...
-But not... Don't run,
-'cause then that looks...
-We're not running,
but we're at the airport.
We're allowed to be in
a bit of a hurry.
Let me do the talking.
Yeah, of course.
Hi. Can we have two tickets
to Pittsburgh, please?
I have two first class tickets,
connecting through Charlotte,
departing 9:25.
-We'll take 'em.
-Great.
Baby.
Cut myself shaving.
Accidents happen.
You have no idea.
Oh. Yes.
I know, I know.
-Shh.
-Sorry.
Come on.
-Excuse me. Scusi.
-Scusi.
Scusi. Grazie.
Scusi.
-Ciao.
-Hi.
Did you enjoy Italy?
Yeah, it was great.
The pizza was great.
It's all great.
Domenico Collosimo, stop!
I got you.
I'll take the fall.
-You take our baby.
-Okay.
-Hmm?
-Americani.
You think
you leaving the country?
I'm glad that I caught you
just in time.
It was just an accident.
Acc-Accidents happen.
We-we didn't mean to do
anything wrong.
Mm-mm.
Could have be big, big problem.
You left your passport.
Oh, you idiot.
Be pretty hard to come back
in United States without it.
Thank you.
-Yeah.
-Grazie mille.
You are welcome.
Thank you.
Six of you to return
my passport.
-Yeah. Must be a slow day.
-Okay. Yeah.
-Okay, thank you.
-Come on.
-Thank you.
-Enjoy your flight.
-Thank you.
-Bye-bye.
Oh.
Were you really gonna
leave me here?
Baby, it would be
a sacrifice for me, too.
-Thank you.
-Thank you.
-Okay.
-What's the room number?
I don't...
I think it was, like, 402 or...
Hello. Uh, we're Dom and Cole.
-We're looking for Candace.
-Uh, yeah.
-They moved her in 401.
-Okay.
-Thank you.
-Thank you.
My God.
Come in.
Hi, guys.
I can't believe it.
Wow.
-Hi.
-Hey.
Hi. How are you?
I can't believe you're here.
We're sorry we're late.
It's okay. I'm-I'm...
W-We're... Everything is...
It's okay.
And this is your boy.
-Do you want to hold...
-I'm sorry.
-Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-We just...
-I slept. I was...
-Yeah.
We just fell asleep.
Hi, guy. You want to get up?
Oh, hi, guy.
Hey.
Oh, he's awake.
Hi. Hey.
Hi, little cutie.
Oh, hey.
Hi.
Wow.
Just like that.
There it is.
He's your son.
He is.
You are the hero of the story.
No.
Thank you.
So, did you think of a name?
Um, yes.
It's Giovanni.
Giovanni.
It's a family name.
Thank you.
We got our baby.
We got our baby boy.
Hi.
Okay, ready? And here we go.
Okay? Take three.
Let's try to act a little more
normal in this one.
-Here we go.
-This is just harder
-than I remember it being.
-I agree.
Okay. All right.
"Why do you want
another child?"
Um, why do we want
another child?
Because we want to give
your child a great life
and hopefully have another
exciting life experience.
Yeah, because
raising a kid is fun.
Um, "Talk about the experience
of picking up your first child
from the hospital."
-Hmm.
-Let's skip that one.
-Think we'll skip
that one for now. -Yeah.
I can still hear her head
hitting the rock.
Okay.
Why don't we call, uh,
Dr. Marcie and we'll get a...
-Get a session on the books?
-Session.
That's probably a good idea.
I'm gonna get a Percodan.
How do you think
those goats are?
They're alive, right?
Bella's still alive?
Okay. "What, uh...
What have you learned
by becoming a parent?"
That we would do anything
for him.
Anything.
Okay, I think we did it.
I think we killed it.
Oh.
Okay. Okay.
Well, we'll cut there.
Gio, Gio, come on. Hey, buddy,
don't lick the camera.
Okay.
Here we go.
Gio, how many dadas
do you have?
I have two dadas.
-Come here!
-I love you!
-Oh!
-Oh, we love you, too.
Baby.
Oh! Oh!
Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! Hyah!
Hi.
Hey!
S.
Is this gonna be the most
fun adoption video ever made?
Okay, okay,
Dom, let's be serious.
Her name is Candace.
She lives in Pittsburgh.
Pittsburgh? Pittsburgh.
-Am I shiny?
-No, you look gorgeous.
You're not looking at me.
'Cause you always look
gorgeous.
Okay? Here we go.
Okay, okay, so I'm gonna say
that thing about traditions,
and then you will just say
something like a human.
-Like a normal human person?
-Like a normal human.
Okay, great, I can do that.
-Okay.
-Here we go.
Three, two...
I've always wanted to create
-traditions as a family.
-Mm-hmm. Yeah.
-It's-it's an opportunity...
-Mm-hmm.
...for us to grow as a family
and grow together
and-and gives us
an opportunity to...
-Okay. Sorry.
-Oh...
-What? -Y-You said
"opportunity" twice.
Shit.
I just wish we could
do this in person.
I know, but there's a thousand
of us and just one of her.
-Okay.
-Here we go.
Yep.
You know, we see
the adoption process
as an amazing opportunity
to look at our whole lives
and think about how much joy
our child would bring...
Ah-ah. No.
You can't say "our child."
-What?
-No, you have to say
-"the baby" or "your baby."
-Okay.
You can't just assume that
it's our child already, so...
-Okay. I-I got it. Okay.
-You got it?
I'm gonna do the cuts.
You don't...
I'd prefer
if you didn't do the cuts.
-I like to... Okay.
-Okay? And...
We see the adoption process
as a wonderful opportunity
to wait for years,
spend thousands of dollars,
let social workers
into our home,
acquiesce to
an FBI background check...
Dom.
I have an idea.
I have an idea.
Just gonna keep it loose.
-Cheers.
-Cheers.
Salud.
Whew.
-Please give us your baby.
-Please give us your baby!
"Would you do anything
for your child?"
-"Anything."
-"Anything."
That seems a little broad.
It's very, like, ominous,
like...
"Would you do
anything for your child?"
It's like the
beginning of, like, a thriller.
Like... "Would you do
anything for your child?"
Okay, this is the one: "Why
do you want to be parents?"
This is the... All right.
I just want to show this child
all the love
-that was shown to me-- to us.
-Yeah.
And-and let this kid know that
they have infinite potential,
that if they're... they're kind
and-and openhearted
and-and maybe even
a little bit silly,
that they can find joy.
We promise to do
our absolute best.
And we know that choosing
parents for your child
is a very complicated decision,
so we just want to thank you
-for considering us.
-Yeah.
Thank you.
This is my wife.
Cole, Italy's calling!
Time for vacation!
Okay.
-I'm ready.
-Okay.
Here's your itinerary.
I have marked everything out,
and if we follow it,
it should be perfect.
Sounds fun.
Sounds... distracting.
It will be. It'll be fun.
Uber's waiting.
Is your mother
coming to get Axel?
Yep, she should be here
in about ten minutes.
Let's get the fuck out of here.
-Bye.
-Axel, no parties.
-Hi.
-Hello.
Baby, next time,
let me book the flights.
Was there really nothing
direct from Los Angeles?
Hey.
Oh, sorry.
I was listening to a podcast.
-You, a podcast?
-Uh-huh.
Yeah, it's this new podcast.
About?
About the restaurant we're
going to for our anniversary.
-Oh. -Yes, 50 best restaurants
in the world.
Vegetarian restaurant
for my vegetarian husband.
Thank you, baby.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, no, don't worry about it.
-No. Who's-who's this?
-Thank you.
This is, uh, Beatrice.
-Oh.
-Hi, Beatrice.
-Hi.
-You're perfect.
-Aw.
-Aw.
What's this?
I'm rubbing elbows
with one of the greats.
Mm.
Oh. Oh.
Oh, my God.
Is that blood?
-Is your wallet in...
-It's in my front pocket.
Okay, 'cause there's, you know,
a lot of pickpockets here.
Oh, my God, your mother
gets robbed one time in Russia.
I know. It's just...
confirming that...
Dom, it's in my front pocket.
Okay, well,
now everybody has seen
where you're keeping
your wallet.
Can you smell me?
I feel like I smell.
No, it's Europe.
You'll blend in.
Who puts raw meat
in an overhead compartment?
My grandmother used to put
loose sausages
-in her purse.
-What?
This is a bad omen.
I smell like blood.
The odor's gone.
Yes, but the memory lingers,
Dom.
Mm.
This is cute, honey.
Baby, only the best for you.
Dom.
Look at this.
Oh, my God, it's incredible.
And, seriously, thank you
for doing all the planning.
You still have your wallet?
Yes. I do.
-You need to stop.
-I...
We made it, right?
We're here. We did it.
Soak it in.
I am.
-It's in my front pocket.
-Okay, that's what I'm...
-I was trying to be sexy there.
-You were not.
You were giving me
a stop-and-frisk,
and it's not cool.
Has she called yet? Candace?
Not yet.
-Getting nervous?
-No. Are you getting nervous?
No. I would just like
to speak to her, though,
to know that she's real.
Would this be easier
if we were at home?
Really? Do you want to...
'Cause we can go home
if you want to leave Italy.
No. No, no, no,
I don't want to leave Italy.
I don't want to leave Italy.
I want to stay here,
and I want to have fun.
Great. 'Cause we haven't
matched with her yet,
-so don't get too invested.
-Yeah.
Yeah, and she's not even due
for a few weeks,
so it's like...
this is perfect timing.
-Right?
-Hey, yes.
This is perfect timing, okay?
This is a really special
moment for us.
We're gonna have a blast,
all right?
Okay.
-I love you.
-I love you.
I think this might be
the building here.
-That?
-Yeah.
Ciao, Dom! Ciao, Cole!
Come inside! We feed you!
-Yeah?
-That's him.
That's your dad's best friend?
-Yeah. -Wow.
Let's hope they have booze.
So it turned out it was not
the sink but, in fact, a bidet.
Oh, my God!
-I'm sorry.
-No.
A gift.
-What is this?
-No.
Yes, for your anniversary.
Happy anniversary.
-Oh, thank you.
-Thank you.
-You didn't... Oh.
-Wow.
-That is so thoughtful.
-Thank you. Oh.
Oh, my gosh.
Knives.
-These are such unique gifts.
-Yeah.
Your mother said, "He like
knives," so we thought...
Kitchen knives, I think,
is what she meant.
Well, yeah, Dom loves to cook.
Th-They are very good.
I hope you like it, uh, because
they are the top on the top.
Uh...
Yeah, I have one
just like this.
You got them engraved
with our names on it.
Look at this. Cole...
-Domenico.
-Oh.
Look at mine.
Mine says "Cool."
C-O-O-L. Cool knife.
-Cole...
-Risotto.
-Ooh. That smells delicious.
-Okay.
Oh, oh, um, I-I don't eat meat.
-Uh...
-Uh...
Yeah. Thank you.
Uh, grazie.
Buon appetito.
-Ah.
-You tried, baby.
Yeah.
It's much easier on Duolingo.
Yeah, you tried, baby.
Uh, uh, Dom?
Um, your mother told me
about the complication
you gentlemen had
this year with, uh...
with adoption fraud.
Of course she did.
-What happened?
-Yeah, the woman had forged
all these medical records.
It was... it was awful.
-Oh, my God.
-Yeah.
The worst part was
the day after the baby shower,
we found out.
And so we drove around
all night
returning all the gifts
and telling our friends
that there was no baby.
No baby.
Oh, my God. That's a nightmare.
Yeah, that's so horrible.
I'm so sorry.
I was ready to quit, actually.
You were?
Yeah. We talked about it.
-Do you not listen when I...
-No, we talked about
waiting for a little while
before we tried again.
-Right, and we waited longer...
-Well, why don't we talk
-about something else?
-No, I think it's fine.
I think it's okay.
-They're like family.
-Are they?
I think it's... So, you know,
these adoption agencies,
they-they don't tell you
ahead of time
how often these things
turn out to be scams,
and he was...
we were inconsolable
when we found out
that there was no baby.
Ah, no.
We just want to be dads,
you know?
You mentioned maybe
we could get some gelato
-somewhere around here?
-Yeah. Why not?
-There's one over there.
-Okay, great.
-Uh, uh, one more thing.
-Yeah.
-Treat for your anniversary.
-Uh-huh.
If you want, I can make you
a special reservation,
but just if you want.
-Oh.
-Oh, well, Dom actually made
plans for us
for the anniversary.
Yeah, no, it's... we could
cancel if we want or...
No, baby.
I am naughty
because I already did it.
Oh.
When you sent me the plan
of your trip in Italy...
-Yeah.
-...I see that you will be
in Orvieto
for your anniversary.
-Yes. Yeah, yeah.
-Oh, it's magical.
Great.
And this woman, the cook--
ah, you will love her.
-And her restaurant-- amazing.
-Yeah.
-Uh, she's special, huh?
-Uh-huh.
She's not a summer chicken,
huh?
Spring chicken?
-Spring chicken.
-Yeah.
Very old, uh, Zia Luciana.
You have to call and call
to get the reservation
because I told her that you are
very big fan of her cooking
and you are coming from
United States just to visit her
and she say that she will get
her oven hot just for you.
-Very cool.
-Yeah, and so rare
that a woman will get
an oven hot for us.
I know. We haven't had that
in a long time.
You know Daniele.
He already paid.
-Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no.
-Yes.
-You don't need to do that.
-Yeah, no, don't mention that.
Come on, you are the only son
of my best friend,
and I want for you
this trip in Italy
to be the best memory
in your life, hmm?
Grazie mille.
-Shall we go?
-Okay.
-I'll see you tomorrow.
-All right.
-All right, bye. Grazie.
-Ciao. -Um, goodbye.
So, this is, um...
What?
This is romantic.
It's beautiful.
Your rental car, gentlemen.
-Oh, wow.
-Hey.
Buongiorno.
So, here you have the keys.
Okay.
-My card.
-Thank you.
For anything at all,
any trouble, you call me.
-Thank you. We will. Okay.
-Yeah?
And...
be careful.
What?
-Okay.
-Ciao.
-Ciao. Ciao.
-We will.
-Okay, bye.
-Thank you.
Ciao. Thank you so...
-Ciao, ciao, ciao.
-Thank you so much.
Ciao to you.
Hey, ciao!
Did you think it was weird that
Daniele was like, "Be careful"?
"Be careful." "Be careful."
I didn't love that.
Do you think he meant
because I was driving?
Or because we are...
-Uh, gay.
-Uh, gay.
-Baby, we're in the country.
-It's so beautiful, huh?
Oh, I love this song.
To love
Only me
Are we going the right way?
Yeah.
Ain't saying
you ain't pretty...
You are pretty, baby.
You are pretty.
Thank you.
Not ready for any...
Oh, look. Old buildings.
My goodness. Ready?
Try and pull the reins
In on me
-So... Too high.
-Ready?
It got too... it got too high.
That's where I take over.
Yeah, take it, baby.
Here we are.
Oh...
You sing so beautifully.
If you live without me.
I'm gonna go check in.
-All right, I'll get the bags.
-Yeah.
-Buongiorno.
-Buongiorno.
-Uh, welcome.
-Check in. Yeah.
Are you Mr. Collosimo?
S, Si.
We have our honeymoon suite.
Uh, right?
Are you on a honeymoon?
No, it's our anniversary.
Uh... uh, s-sorry,
I-I don't understand you.
Is the room ready?
No, it is ready,
the room, but, uh,
there has been a... um...
No problem, because now
we will fix, uh...
Come with me. I show you the...
Yeah, I-I show you
the-the room.
And, uh, don't worry
about the luggages, huh?
-Sorry.
-Sorry?
Uh...
Sorry for what?
The... the room is set up
for a husband, uh, and wife.
And I-I don't notice
that you travel
with, uh, your colleague.
Very embarrassed. Un momento.
-Colleague?
-It's fine. It's fine, Dom.
Oh, my God, Dom.
Look at this view.
-Oh, my God.
-Uh, yes, uh...
You can see
the entire valley, huh?
It is small, uh,
but, uh, is, uh...
How do you say?
Mm...
Grazie.
-What just happened?
-I don't know.
Oh.
He seemed like he was having
some sort of attack.
Okay, I'm getting
a 412 area code.
Okay, I think it's Candace.
It's her.
Okay. Okay.
Okay. Okay, uh...
-Chairs. Chairs.
-Okay. Okay, good.
-Yeah, yeah.
-Okay. Okay, um...
All right, so we just need
to make this, uh,
a-as... as great as possible.
-Yeah, we just...
-She has to love us.
We have to be very cool
and very normal.
-So be normal and cool.
-I am being normal.
Hey. Be cool and normal.
-I'm being cool and normal.
-Great.
Hi!
Hi. Uh, uh,
is this Cole and Dom?
-Hello.
-Yes. Hi.
It's so great to meet you,
Candace.
I'm sorry that
it-it's taken me a bit.
-It's just, there's...
-Oh.
There's a lot to, uh...
to manage with, uh,
-work and-and night school.
-Sure.
And obviously
the pregnancy, so...
Oh, don't worry.
We completely understand.
Ah, I get so nervous.
And excited. I'm excited.
-You're real.
-Yeah.
Can we, um...
Can we see your belly?
Yeah, this is, uh...
this pregnancy is very real.
Wow.
How do you feel?
I'm good. I'm... I...
You know, I-I don't...
I don't have a lot of support,
but, you know...
It's a really hard decision
to make, you know?
I can't imagine.
Like, I know that
I can't give this baby
anything close
to what it deserves
or what I want for it, so, um,
it's just been a really...
hard and good dec... choice.
Yeah. Well, you're...
you're really brave.
I-I really liked your video.
Oh.
-Um, you seem fun.
-Totally.
Yeah, no, I mean, but caring,
but also fun,
like you'd be fun dads.
Totally fun.
Super fun dads,
but also organized and...
Okay, Dom.
Do you think
you could tell me why...
you know, why you want
to have kids together?
Well, we both always
wanted kids.
That was always the dream.
But we knew if we just, like,
stayed focused
and-and really kept our eye
on what we really wanted,
which was a family,
that we could make that happen.
And when I look at him...
...I'm just very sure.
So thank you
for reminding me to look.
Yeah, I feel the same way.
Mm.
Well, I've already talked to,
um, a few families,
and I didn't feel like
any of them were quite right.
You know, like my mom
always said before she...
she always said, like,
"Candace, trust your gut,"
and honestly, like, I have
this gut instinct that...
that it's the two of you.
What?
I think... I think that you...
you should be the fathers
to this little baby boy.
-Wait. Re-Really?
-Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Holy shit, yeah.
Right? I-I, um...
You guys are everything
I've imagined, really.
Uh...
Are you serious? Like...
Really, yeah. I mean,
please don't bail on me.
-No. We promise.
-Oh, no.
No, we...
No, w-we're not gonna bail.
And he's a boy?
He's-he's-he's a boy?
He's a baby boy.
He's a big old baby boy.
We're having a boy.
I know you guys have waited
a really long time.
It's been like three years,
I guess.
It must have been really hard.
-But worth the wait.
-Yes.
Well, you're not
gonna be waiting
that much longer
because he's due
-in less than a month, so...
-Oh.
He's actually kicking
my bladder right now.
-Uh... Oh.
-I'm actually gonna...
-I'm gonna call you guys back.
-Yeah?
I'm just gonna need a little...
a minute.
-Call us whenever.
-Of course, yeah.
And we-we're always here
for you, so...
Anything you need.
-Anything.
-For real, anything.
Thank you guys.
This is so good.
-Okay. Bye.
-Bye.
We're...
-It's happening.
-It's really...
It's real. Like, we're...
like, we're gonna have to...
we're gonna have to, like,
do this now, right?
-Yeah. Yes. Finally.
-Right?
After all those years
of trying and...
and getting close and then...
It's been really hard, right?
It has been really hard, but...
Maybe we haven't been,
like... like...
No, we haven't...
we haven't been connecting.
I'm really sorry.
I'm really sorry
that I haven't always been...
But I...
I really want
to do this with you.
I do, too.
-We can do this together, okay?
-Yes. Yes.
-You're my teammate.
-You're my colleague.
You're my colleague.
You're gonna be
such a good dad.
Our hearts are free
So tell me what's wrong
with the feeling
I'm a flower,
you're the bee
It's much older
than you and me
I'm in love, I'm alive
I belong to
the stars and sky
Let's forget who we are
for one night
Mmm.
We're not animals, baby,
it's the people who lie
-To themselves
-I want real love, baby
Ooh, don't leave me waiting
I've got real love, maybe
-Uh-huh.
-Wait until you taste me
I want real love, baby
There's a world inside me
Got the key, just use it
Just if for a minute
-And gone
-Our hearts are free
So tell me what's wrong
with the feeling
I'm a flower,
you're the bee...
Happy anniversary.
-Ah.
-Ten years.
Baby, you'd be lost without me.
Would I be?
-Right.
-I mean, I think you would.
No, no, make a right,
right here.
-Oh, shit.
-No, turn right. Turn.
-Oh, this doesn't feel right.
-I know, but...
It's a farmhouse, so...
This cannot be correct.
It's a mile that way.
Really? Th-This is the way
to a restaurant?
Yes, the restaurant
is also her farmhouse.
See, I'm just telling you...
Why are you being this way?
I'm sorry, being what way?
That you don't trust me.
I do trust you.
I just also trust my eyes.
Okay.
Ooh!
-Oh...
-Fuck.
-Okay, just, um...
-Okay, hold on.
-Hold on.
-Yeah, just back it up.
Dom... Ah, shit.
-Okay.
-No, wait. Hold on.
Just...
-Okay, okay, you're...
-Fuck.
Cole, just...
Cole, Cole, Cole, Cole, Cole.
It's all good.
Just don't panic, okay?
-This is bad, Dom.
-I know. I can...
I can get help.
Yeah, 'cause I'm sure
Triple A is on standby
for two faggy tourists.
I will walk
to the restaurant...
Do you really think
there's a restaurant
anywhere around here?
Let me be your knight
in shining armor.
Wow.
No, no!
Oh, my God!
Ugh.
Jesus.
Fuck.
I'm gonna die here.
We're gonna die here.
Hey, babe, I'm pretty sure
the restaurant's not that way.
You think?
So I'm gonna go around back,
and I'm gonna take a look,
okay?
What does he think
he's gonna do?
So, I'm just getting
this tire dug out.
Okay, press down
on the accelerator.
Okay.
Come on, come on,
come on, come on.
Ah, stop it! Stop it!
Oh, fuck.
Well, this is great.
Okay.
Okay, grazie mille. Okay.
Hi.
So, it turns out, if you walk
for a half an hour in the rain,
it cleans you right up.
You look great.
-So I made a phone call.
-Mm-hmm.
Called my mom.
-Just to get some ideas.
-Of course you did.
And she suggested
calling Daniele.
Which I did.
-Mm-hmm.
-He has called Triple A.
And they are en route.
Fun fact: Here in Italy,
Triple A is called "Triple Ah."
Fuck off.
See, it is kind of funny,
right?
We can't even get to dinner.
How are we supposed
to raise a child?
--Yeah,
come on, come on, come on.
Yes, hi.
Come, come, come, come.
Cole, Cole, wake up.
Oh, God.
Is that Triple Ah?
I think so.
Yes. Hello.
Hi.
-How the fuck did he find us?
-Are you here to help?
Thank you for coming out,
especially in this weather.
-S. Yeah.
-Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, we...
Yeah, he told me
to do that part.
Mm-hmm. We tried that.
Yeah, no, we...
-We definitely tried that.
-We tried that.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's pretty bad, right?
I think he's here to help.
Help us what?
Hon, we're not getting
any better offers right now.
Okay?
It's an adventure.
-Okay.
-Coming.
You know, it's really hard
to get this car
in forest green in the U.S.
Sorry, where-where are you
taking us?
Do you speak any English?
We-we're staying
at the, um-- fuck--
the Hotel L... L'Spigerella?
-Goddamn it.
-What?
I left my phone in the car.
What?
All right, well,
we'll be back there soon.
I'll... I'll hold on
to the keys.
Thank you.
What is going on?
I-I don't know.
Well, where is he going?
-Is that...
-Okay. Yeah, don't look.
-Oh, my God.
-Don't...
Cole, don't look.
Cole, look at me.
-Hey, hey, hey.
-No, that's a...
Yeah, I know. Hey, look at me.
Uh, can we make a phone call?
Scusi? Scusi?
Okay.
Oh, whoa, whoa.
Whoa-oh! Hey!
-Scusi!
-What the fuck?
Hey, wait! Scusi!
Where are you going?
So this isn't his house?
-No.
-What the fuck?
Well, maybe on the bright side,
we can just say
he didn't shoot us.
What?
Oh, you...
Happy anniversary.
What are you doing?
I'm checking to see
if anybody's home
so we can go inside
and make a phone call,
get the fuck out of here.
We're sorry to bother you,
but, um, our...
Uh, a man just dropped us off.
Our car...
got stuck.
Geez!
I don't want to go.
I don't want to.
Do you have a phone?
-Huh?
-Uh, a phone.
Scusi. Um, uh, telefono,
um, is, um, uh, dead.
Morto.
-What the fuck is going on?
-I don't know.
I just gave my phone
to a blind woman.
-Super into goats.
-Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Of course.
She's Zia Luciana.
This is the restaurant.
She's Zia Luciana.
Hold on. Hold on.
This is the restaurant
we're supposed to be at?
Yeah, uh...
Daniele said it was authentic.
It's, uh, rustic.
Ah! You're Zia Luciana.
-S.
-You are her. She is you.
Ah. Okay.
Okay.
Oh. Thank you.
-That looks delicious.
-Pretty good.
-Grazie.
-Prego.
-Grazie.
-Eh?
-Okay.
-All right.
Oh. Wow.
-Holy...
-This is really delicious.
-And you doubted Daniele.
-I did, but this is
between me and the pizza now.
It's so sweet.
I mean, they really
set us up for...
They set us up. Yeah.
Yes. I know
what that word means.
-We'll take a whole case
if you got it. -Mmm.
-Right, huh?
-I don't even know.
No, I think she wants...
Aw.
Salute.
Uh, to our new family.
Chin-chin.
Chin-chin!
-Mm-hmm.
-That means "to love."
Yep.
-Yeah.
-Mm-hmm.
-I think she wants...
-Us to do it.
-Sure.
-Okay.
Mm...
No!
-You see that?
-Yeah, I saw.
No, did you see her face
when we kissed?
I mean, she asked us to kiss,
and then she was
disgusted by it.
She's like 2,000 years old.
Daniele told me she makes wine
the old-fashioned way.
-Old-fashioned?
-Yeah.
She stomps the grapes
with her little tootsies.
-She stomps the grapes...
-Mm-hmm.
-...with her 80-year-old feet?
-Mm-hmm.
But don't you worry--
all the foot fungus
is removed during
the fermentation process.
So we almost died
on our anniversary...
-Mm-hmm.
-...for foot wine?
Mm-hmm.
And for that,
I love you very much.
Are you already a little drunk?
Maybe.
I'm sorry I freaked out.
I shouldn't have done that.
Hey.
I don't mind.
I kind of like it
when you panic.
-You like it when I panic?
-Yeah.
Makes me feel like you need me.
Baby, I do need you.
You're gonna be
a great dad, Cole.
I was beginning to think
that maybe...
-We would never be dads?
-No.
That we would die here.
Just alone in a...
a rental car.
We ain't going out like that.
We're gonna figure it out.
-We always do.
-Yes.
Oh.
-Wow.
-Ooh.
It's like a work of art.
Oh. That's all you, baby.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Go ahead.
-Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Mmm!
Holy shit,
this sausage is legendary.
-Mmm!
-Dom.
Put some on your plate.
You don't understand--
there's nothing worse,
no act of violence
more traumatic for her
than you not eating her food.
I haven't eaten meat
in 15 years.
It looks delicious.
Mmm. Uh-huh.
You didn't have to take
that big of a bite.
It was an accident.
Mmm. Delicious.
-Ah.
-Delicious.
-Mmm.
-Mmm.
Ta-da!
It's so inspiring
to see someone
so passionate about their food.
Mm-hmm.
-I'm gonna hurl.
-What?
-I'm gonna...
-Oh, my God.
Baby, uh...
Uh, he-he went to the bathroom.
He's constipated.
He hasn't gone
since we've been here.
Definitely not puking
from your meat.
To wash my hands
from all the...
Ow. Okay, thank you.
Oh, it's very hot.
Nice. Oh, thank you.
-Grazie.
-Prego.
-Okay.
-No, no.
Oh.
-Okay.
-No.
Oh, okay, okay, okay.
Grazie.
Okay?
Yeah?
Bravo.
Dom!
Okay.
Oh.
Good evening.
Oh, no.
We got to get the fuck out...
What's going on here?
Uh, she took my shirt.
She undressed you?
You're making me feel weird.
Baby, it is weird.
I was dirty.
Hey.
What is going on?
I think she's getting me
a new shirt.
-Okay, well, that's weird, too.
-I know.
Look, there is
a very, very old...
It doesn't matter.
It's late. I'm tired.
I don't feel well.
Let's just go and cuddle.
Yeah, I-I like that idea.
-That sounds nice.
-Okay. Okay. Okay.
Oh, here she comes.
-Zia Luciana...
-Oh.
Um, we are very tired.
We're very tired,
and we would like
to, um, go home,
so can we use your phone?
Your phone?
Ah. Telefono.
Maybe my phone's
charged now, too.
-Wow.
-Telefono. Telefono.
-Grazie.
-Prego.
Goddamn it.
It's amazing-- your kitchen.
Is that a pizza oven?
Dom?
-Yeah?
-What is Daniele's number?
Uh...
3476...
Dom, let's just
get out of here, okay?
I can't see a fucking thing.
Does she have a generator?
Well, how the fuck
would I know that?
I'm just gonna
go look for matches.
Dom, can we just... Oh, fuck!
-You okay?
-Yes.
Okay.
-Cole?
-Dom?
Ah, fuck!
Ow! Whoa!
Oh, my God, she just...
sh-sh-she just
jumped out at me,
and she-she just... she...
What are we gonna do?
Hey, hey. Cole, just breathe.
Just breathe.
Okay.
Zia?
Call an ambulance.
-Your phone doesn't work.
-Use the house phone.
-House phone?
-Call an ambulance.
-911. 911.
-Mm-hmm.
911. 911.
Shit.
Fuck.
Zia?
No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
Zia?
-Cole!
-What?
Cole, she's... she's not, uh...
Dead?
She's not alive.
Is she dead?
Call the fucking ambulance.
It's not working.
911 is different in Italy.
It doesn't matter,
because there's no power.
Shit, shit.
Is she breathing?
She's not moving.
Oh, my God. What do we do?
-CPR.
-What?
We can do CPR.
We took the class.
That was CPR for infants.
I know,
so this should be easier.
Uh... I can't do it.
I can't, either.
I wasn't paying attention.
You weren't paying attention
in CPR for infants
and we were about
to have an infant?
I was gonna watch it again
when we had the baby.
Is this because
you didn't think
we were gonna have that baby?
Wow.
You do it!
You do it.
Okay.
What was that?
Bones?
Bones?
I think you cracked her ribs.
I hurt her?
-No.
-How?
Well, because she's already...
We should go for help.
-Yes, yes. Okay.
-Yes, yes.
Stay here.
Fuck!
What do we do?
Accidents happen, right?
-Right.
-Right? Okay, so...
We didn't do anything wrong,
and that's what
we'll tell them.
Tell who?
The-the cops or the ambulance.
-I don't know.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You want to tell the police
in our perfect Italian
that we accidentally
knocked an old woman
down a flight of stairs
and then cracked her ribs
trying to revive her?
Well, I wouldn't phrase it
exactly like that.
How would you phrase it, Dom?
I would say something like
we're...
you know, two hapless tourists
who-who...
You know, fuck me, we...
we got...
we got stuck in a ditch.
And we met
a very sweet old woman
who, like so many other
sweet old women,
fell down a flight of stairs
while we were
in the other room.
There.
That's what I would say.
What about the broken ribs?
Accidents happen.
Oh, God.
-What is that?
-It's a car. Someone's coming.
-Who?
-I don't know. Your mother?
No, she's still in California.
She couldn't have gotten here
that quickly.
What are we gonna do?
All right,
I'm gonna go handle it.
You go watch her.
Watch her what, die more?
Yeah.
Hi. Can I, uh, help you?
Give me keys.
I'm sorry, did you say
you want me to give you a kiss?
Give me keys.
Oh, keys.
Our keys-- you...
you want our car keys.
Ah.
Are you Triple Ah?
I take.
Oh, God.
Cole?
-Who the fuck was that?
-Jesus.
-Hiding in a manger?
-Yes!
It was some man.
I-I gave him our car keys.
-You gave him our keys?
-Yes. I had no choice.
-You had no choice?
-He asked very forcefully.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God, great.
Okay, here's what
we're gonna do.
We're gonna take her car,
we're gonna go find our car,
and then
we're gonna drive to Rome
and we'll be there by morning.
We're just gonna
leave her down here?
Someone will find her.
-Eventually.
-And you're okay with that?
I can get okay with that.
I can't just leave her
in a basement.
We have to...
take her to a hospital?
She's dead.
Okay, fine.
We'll move her.
-Ow. Fucking ham.
-Oh.
That...
Okay.
Arms.
Okay, on three.
Okay.
One, two, three.
Oh!
Oh, God, was that her neck?
Fucking old lady bones.
-Baby. Let's go.
-Oh, God.
-Okay.
-Ready?
-Yep.
-Cradle her head.
One, two, three.
Oh, God.
She's heavy.
It's dead weight, baby.
Throw your back into it.
Lift with your legs, baby.
Yeah, baby.
I know, I know. Okay.
Oh, God. Okay,
I-I-I need to put her down.
-Where?
-Uh, on the floor?
-The floor is dirty.
-Okay.
-Uh, on the table.
-Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
-Just hold her.
-Oh, God.
Hurry up.
Well, I don't want
to break her stemware.
-Okay. All right, ready?
-Okay.
-Yep.
-Okay.
Just come here, Zia.
There we go, Zia.
There we go, babe. There we go.
-Let's just slide her back.
-Okay. Slide her down.
Oh!
You got to quit
breaking her bones, man.
-I'm not breaking her bones!
-Oh, God.
-Okay. Okay. -Okay, we just
need to find her car keys.
Okay. Okay. Uh, by the door.
-By the door, I think.
-Okay, okay, okay.
-Okay, I got 'em.
-Okay.
Oh.
This is real.
We're not bad people.
We're supposed to be on our
anniversary, for fuck's sake.
Okay, Dom, don't freak out.
If you freak out,
then I freak out, okay?
Just go call someone.
Okay. Okay.
The phone.
Call on the phone.
Dom?
Are we sure that's a good idea?
Jesus Christ!
Yeah.
Jesus Christ.
She had Jesus Christ
in her life.
And it was a long life
and a beautiful life,
but it is over now, okay?
And I will not risk my--
ours-- our family's life,
because she tumbled
down a flight of stairs!
Okay. Dom, just don't yell
at me right now.
Look!
A lost rental car?
We can handle that.
That's just
some insurance bullshit.
But a dead body?
We have a child coming,
and we cannot get involved
in all of this
and jeopardize
our child's future.
Yes. You are right.
Oh, f...
Fuck!
-What are you doing?
-Getting rid of the evidence.
Help me.
There we go.
Uh...
Come on, come on,
come on, come on, come on.
Yes, I'm trying.
Pulled you out
like a little bitch.
-Are those...
-Yes, these are our car keys
'cause this is the man
who took our keys.
Thank you.
Ah, it was nothing.
Uh, well, how-how did you
get it out?
It was... it was really stuck.
I mean, we didn't even
know how to...
Why would you know how to?
You from, uh, city, no?
You don't know dirt.
I would tell how, but, uh...
you will not be
in this situation again, right?
Right.
Uh, I, uh...
I apologize for earlier.
Uh, my... my attitude
was not correct.
Pedro was so mad you blocked
the road to his farm.
Oh, we're so sorry about that.
I mean...
I don't mind to help.
Just, uh, so tired.
Uh, was out hunting all day.
And, uh, was in
the middle of sex
when I get the call to come,
so, uh...
I come, and then I come.
Well, we're sorry
about that, too.
Uh, just been a very long time.
Uh, I knew how important it was
for my mother
to have you here tonight.
Your mother?
S. When she say, "Massimo,
come relieve these men,"
I knew I must come.
"Mamma, Mamma, okay, okay."
Uh, she's, uh... so excited.
You give her, uh, new life.
Uh, before this, uh,
she not even wanting
to cook ever again.
But when she found out
she had fans
and that you come so far
to eat her...
-I'm sorry?
-Eat... eat with her?
S, Si.
This, uh... my English.
Our Italian.
You really, uh,
bring her back to life.
This the woman I know,
you know?
So, many thank-yous, to youse.
Well, a toast, uh, uh... Ma?
She's deaf.
You know what?
We're driving,
so we probably shouldn't drink,
and we should probably
be going.
No, no. Massimo?
S?
There's something
we need to tell you.
-Dom.
-Your mother...
Dom.
-S?
-She, uh...
Makes the best pizza we've ever
tasted in our entire lives.
Well...
Well, is true, this.
Uh...
I tell to you,
she live for this night.
For you to care
about her cooking.
Is more the case now that, uh,
my brother Giovanni...
...is, uh, die.
Is gone.
Uh, pass away.
Hmm. Sorry.
Yes, and, uh, my father...
he have, uh...
coma stroke, uh,
when my brother die.
Now he on, uh...
iron lung six month.
Ah, I say too much.
Uh, we drink.
I find some grappa. You like?
You will like.
You no go till we drink
together.
Okay.
Let's go now. Let's go now.
Open it. Open it.
-You open it.
-You open it.
-You have the keys.
-I don't... Oh, wait.
-You...
-I don't... I...
-Okay, uh, I do.
-No.
I have the keys, uh,
but I do not have the phone.
-Well, go get your phone.
-I'm going.
-Ciao.
-Hi.
-Oh!
-Sorry, sorry to jump you.
-Oh, no.
-Um...
-I am Francesca.
-Uh-huh.
-Oh, great.
-Oh, okay.
S, um... you-you Finnish?
Yeah, uh, no, we're American.
No, finish with the dinner.
-Uh, yeah.
-Uh-huh.
-I know who you...
-You do?
S. You the, um... uh...
Luciana tell me all about you.
-Ah.
-She did?
Ah. Dom and Cole,
uh, from Los Angeles.
-I know everything.
-Uh-huh.
Okay. Everything?
You leaving?
-Yeah, yeah, we got to go.
-Yeah.
-Yeah. -In fact,
I got to go get my phone.
-Yeah, grab the phone and...
-So nice to meet you. Bye.
-Okay.
-Yeah, we're just gonna...
We'll be on our way.
-Another. Another. Yes.
-Oh, uh, thank-thank you.
-Come.
-Thank you.
You are wet.
Uh, yeah.
Where you go?
Just coming to get my phone.
Your mom was charging it
for me and...
That is, uh...
This, uh...
It is, uh...
This my...
This my brother's shirt--
Giovanni.
-Yeah.
-I buy for him.
-Yeah. Your mom.
-I know this.
-How you get?
-Your mom...
My shirt was muddy,
and so your mom...
-Mamma give you this?
-Yeah.
Mamma give you shirt
of my brother?
Yeah, she gave it to me
'cause she washed my...
No, no, no.
Too soon.
Giovanni only die
a little bit ago.
I can give you back the shirt.
I-I really don't need
to keep it.
Giovanni was, uh, like you.
He a gay.
Uh, she always want him
to be happy.
Make husband, have a family.
But, uh, it not go like this.
I'm really sorry.
-She deaf.
-She deaf. Yeah.
I'm gonna get the phone,
and then I'm gonna...
Ooh. No...
You two, uh, walk home
or, uh, need these?
Come.
Drink with me.
It's just that
my husband's outside.
-He's waiting for...
-He figure out. Sit.
We were just trying to drive
back to the city tonight.
We weren't thinking
it was gonna be
a big late night, so...
No grappa...
no leave.
Fuck.
Thank you so much. That's...
-...really nice of you.
-Ah, is nothing.
I should really go.
You no see, uh,
a small, black goat?
She Luna.
Oh, no, uh, just, um...
just Bella.
She get scared.
-Oh.
-Scared of, um...
Massimo, I'm really sorry for
wearing your brother's shirt.
I'd like to return it.
You going to be dead.
What?
-Dead. You going to be dead.
-No.
-Dead. Is wonderful.
-No. No.
-You going to be dead.
-I don't want to be dead!
-I got to go find Dom.
-Or, um, she hide.
Or in there.
In there, under table,
in there.
No, no. No, no, no,
she's not in there.
No, 'cause I would've...
I was in there.
I would've seen her.
So she's not... not in there.
Definitely not under the table.
Okay, uh...
Well, I'll see you.
-Ciao.
-Bye.
We celebrate.
I-I take head off.
No. Please don't take
the head off. No.
-You going to be dead.
-I don't want to be dead!
Why not? Is great.
It happens when it happens.
-You going to be dead.
-No, please.
-Dead, dead, dead!
-I don't want to be dead!
Fuck.
Is pathetic. Come here!
You going to be dead.
-I don't want to.
-Dead.
Ay, uh...
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Cole, you stabbed him.
Well, he was gonna...
I just needed to...
Oh!
Why you treat me
like town horse?
I come to say
you going to be dead.
Why?
-No.
-Dead.
Sorry.
Sorry. Sorry.
Sorry.
Oh, God.
Oh!
You stabbed him!
You stabbed him first!
Well, I was trying
to protect you.
I was trying to protect you.
-God.
-Are you hurt?
-No, I'm fine. I'm just scared.
-Okay.
-Okay. Okay.
-Oh, God.
Is he...
I don't know.
-Okay, here we go!
-Okay, flip him.
Oh, God, there's so much blood.
Oh, so much blood.
-It was an accident, right?
-It was self-defense.
He was gonna kill you. He was
gonna stab you with that knife.
And then he was gonna drink
that champagne.
Oh, God.
This is all your fault!
-What?
-You planned this trip,
and now two people are dead.
We've killed two people.
-We're gonna go to jail.
-No, we're Americans.
They can't.
-Oh!
-Holy shit.
-He's not dead.
-He's alive.
-What do we do?
-We can save him.
What?
-We can do CPR.
-No.
Yes! Um, Massimo, stay with us.
We-we're gonna do, uh...
we're gonna do CPR.
You got to do the mouth part.
-Me?
-Yes, you do the mouth part!
You did it for Zia.
Look how well it went.
I can't do it.
I've got a deviated septum.
I can't get any power
behind it.
-Come on, baby, you got this.
-Oh, God.
No blood-borne pathogens.
No blood-borne pathogens.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Go in. Go in.
Yeah. Good job, baby.
Good job.
-Yes.
-Oh, God.
Good.
Oh, my God.
You-you saved him.
Well, we killed him first.
Yes, but now we've saved him.
Massimo, this was all just
a full-blown
miscommunication, okay?
Just stay with us.
-Oh, good. There, there.
-There we go. Stay with us.
What do we do now?
Dottore.
What...
-Dottore.
Dottore. Dottore.
He needs a doctor. Yes.
Massimo,
a doctor is on the way.
-Dom?
-What? He doesn't know.
We've got to stay positive
right now.
Okay. Chiamo un dottore.
The Duolingo's really
starting to kick in.
-You sound great, baby.
-Okay.
It's the phone.
-Get the phone.
-Okay.
Okay.
You're doing great.
Okay.
Baby, baby, it's Candace.
What? We have to get it.
-I know. Wait, where? Where?
-Uh...
-There.
-Okay, right here. Okay.
-Okay.
-Okay.
Baby, your face
is covered in blood.
Baby, you're totally
covered in blood.
-Okay. Okay.
-We need to clean this up.
Okay.
-Okay. Okay.
-Uh...
-What's my hair doing?
-Baby.
Okay.
Ready?
Hey.
Oh, hey, guys. There you are.
Hi. Hi.
Yeah. Oh, are you okay?
Are-are you in the hospital?
I am. I'm just, uh...
I'm just, uh...
Wh-Where are you guys?
Oh, we're just having
a very, uh,
-just relaxed dinner at home.
-Oh, pizza night.
Um, can you just excuse me
one quick second?
So, what's going on with you?
I'm sorry. Hey, man, I really
need you to just keep it down
for one quick second.
This is a really important
phone call.
Okay?
Okay? Stay with me.
Um, I've been trying
to get ahold of you
'cause the baby's coming.
What?
Yeah, yeah.
I guess he maybe
heard your voice
and decided that it was time,
because my water broke
after I spoke to you guys.
So, I'm in the hospital.
Uh, my sister's
been trying to reach you guys,
so you probably have
-a bunch of missed calls.
-Oh, n...
We're so sorry about that.
We're really sorry.
No, everything
is totally fine here.
I-I know. It's okay. I just...
I was, like, really anxious,
and, um, I-I... maybe I thought
something had maybe happened
to you guys, so...
No. No, no, no.
No, nothing
out of the ordinary.
No.
That's a relief. Um, yeah.
I didn't want to be panicked
while I was going into labor.
No, we don't want that.
-He's dead. He's dead.
-Our phones died.
And, um,
but now they're charged.
-Yeah.
-And, um, we're here.
And how is the...
how is the-the birthing going?
How is... how are you feeling?
Good. Everything's good.
I'm five centimeters dilated,
and the doctor says the baby's
heartbeat is very, very strong.
-Okay.
-And I'm good.
He just really wants out.
This is just, like,
all just so much, right?
Yeah, yeah, well, we will
pull ourselves together here,
and, um, we'll...
we'll get to the airport.
I'm so glad I got you guys.
I'm so glad.
-Well, we are, too.
-Yeah.
And we will see you
very, very soon.
Yes.
The doctor's coming in
real quick.
I'm gonna call
you guys back, okay?
-Oh, go. Go, go. Yeah.
-Oh, yeah.
Bye!
We're gonna be dads.
He was saying,
"You're gonna be dad."
This can't be happening.
Why is this happening
to us right now?
I don't know.
Hey.
Look.
It's okay.
It's okay to be scared.
-Are you scared?
-Yes.
I'm terrified.
-But you're gonna be okay.
-I don't know.
I don't know. I...
I feel like I'm gonna...
I feel like I'm gonna pass out.
No.
No.
Whatever happens,
I love you so much.
I love you, too.
Now we need to go.
-We need to go to the airport
right now. -Yes.
Let's go.
What about him?
We killed him twice.
-We saved him once.
-I know.
CPR-- it's-it's a hoax.
-It never works.
-And he was gonna kill us.
As soon as he saw his dead mom,
-he was gonna kill us.
-For sure.
We were holding our ground.
-Exactly.
-Yeah.
And we are the only two people
who know what happened.
D-Does that seems like
we committed a crime?
Yes.
That's why we need to go
get our son right now.
-Yes. Let's go.
-Okay.
I'll get the keys.
Oh, God.
What should we do with this?
Uh...
Uh, I can explain.
It's not what it looks like!
No, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no!
Get her. I'll find the keys.
Wait, wait. Wait, wait.
Slow down.
Why are you running?
Francesca?
Francesca,
this whole thing is just a...
a real misunderstanding.
We could just explain
that, um...
...that, uh, we're good guys
and, um, if we just got
a chance to, uh...
to maybe talk this through...
Okay.
Zia Luciana was, uh...
in the kitchen, and she...
she fell down some stairs.
And, uh, I swear we were...
we were trying to revive her.
And Massimo...
well, Massimo was trying
to kill my husband,
so I had to do something.
It was self-defense.
Fuck!
Okay.
Francesca...
I just want to talk to you.
Cole.
Oh, wrong keys!
I just want to talk.
Okay?
Oh, God.
Fate fagotto e andatevene.
What?
Cazzo.
Fate fagotto e andatevene!
Did you just call me a faggot?
Shit. Shit.
-Oh...
-Oh, my God.
You hit her.
No.
It was so dark, and then I...
the goat... so I-I did that,
and it's like
sh-she hit the car.
It was an accident.
Oh, God.
Okay, but this has to be
the last one.
Absolutely.
I don't want
to do this anymore.
No, this can't be, like,
a thing we start doing in L.A.
-Yeah.
-She called me a fag.
-What?
-Yeah.
Gross.
Like five times.
Toxic.
Are you okay?
I mean, I've been better.
Oh, my God.
Well, let's...
-Let's throw her in the truck.
-Oh, God.
Okay.
I feel like we would've
been friends with them.
-Fuckin' A.
-Okay.
-Okay.
-All right.
There we go.
Okay.
Oh.
Well, we can't leave them
like this.
Then how are we supposed to,
you know, leave them?
Do you think they have
any trash bags?
-I'll look.
-Okay.
Sorry, guys.
-Dom?
-Yeah?
Come here for a second.
What?
I have an idea.
-Hmm.
-It's for our family.
Okay.
Oh, God.
-I can't.
-Okay, put him down.
Oh, God, he's a big boy.
Here we go. Ready?
One, two, three.
Massimo.
Cole, what is happening?
I don't know.
I thought we killed her.
Massimo.
Cole?
Cole, do something!
That one's on you.
Okay. Okay.
Okay, CPR works.
-Baby, good job.
-All right. You, too.
Okay, here we go.
-Okay. He's heavy.
-Here we go.
Here. Put these on.
It's the best I could find.
Wait.
That's what you're wearing?
Yes.
Oh.
Hurry up.
Okay. I got it.
-I got the rest.
-Okay.
Lookin' in your eyes,
I see a paradise
This world that I found
is too good to be true
Standin' here beside you,
want so much...
"On our way to the airport.
See you soon."
Okay.
-Can you put your seat belt on?
-I will in a minute.
Can... We've had enough
accidents today. Can...
I just want to get out
onto the road.
Can you just put
the seat belt on, please?
All right.
-Oh, fuck.
-What?
-Oh, Dom.
-What?
I forgot about the old man.
What old man?
Zia's husband,
in the iron lung.
I was gonna tell you,
but then, you know, we started
-killing people and...
-Right, right.
Oh, oh, oh, it's Candace.
She said, "I knew
you could do it. Hurry."
Aw, she is... she's the best.
Hey, would you put
your seat belt on?
-Oh, my God.
-Come on.
It's not just...
Put on your seat...
Nothing's gonna stop us now
And if this world
runs out of lovers
We'll still have each other
Nothing's gonna stop us
-Nothing's gonna stop us...
-And we can
Build this dream together
Standing strong forever
-Whoa
-Nothing's gonna stop us...
Cool?
Ah. "Cool."
-Here?
-Yeah.
Okay.
-I think it's that one.
-Yeah, yeah.
-Just walk fast but, like...
-But not... Don't run,
-'cause then that looks...
-We're not running,
but we're at the airport.
We're allowed to be in
a bit of a hurry.
Let me do the talking.
Yeah, of course.
Hi. Can we have two tickets
to Pittsburgh, please?
I have two first class tickets,
connecting through Charlotte,
departing 9:25.
-We'll take 'em.
-Great.
Baby.
Cut myself shaving.
Accidents happen.
You have no idea.
Oh. Yes.
I know, I know.
-Shh.
-Sorry.
Come on.
-Excuse me. Scusi.
-Scusi.
Scusi. Grazie.
Scusi.
-Ciao.
-Hi.
Did you enjoy Italy?
Yeah, it was great.
The pizza was great.
It's all great.
Domenico Collosimo, stop!
I got you.
I'll take the fall.
-You take our baby.
-Okay.
-Hmm?
-Americani.
You think
you leaving the country?
I'm glad that I caught you
just in time.
It was just an accident.
Acc-Accidents happen.
We-we didn't mean to do
anything wrong.
Mm-mm.
Could have be big, big problem.
You left your passport.
Oh, you idiot.
Be pretty hard to come back
in United States without it.
Thank you.
-Yeah.
-Grazie mille.
You are welcome.
Thank you.
Six of you to return
my passport.
-Yeah. Must be a slow day.
-Okay. Yeah.
-Okay, thank you.
-Come on.
-Thank you.
-Enjoy your flight.
-Thank you.
-Bye-bye.
Oh.
Were you really gonna
leave me here?
Baby, it would be
a sacrifice for me, too.
-Thank you.
-Thank you.
-Okay.
-What's the room number?
I don't...
I think it was, like, 402 or...
Hello. Uh, we're Dom and Cole.
-We're looking for Candace.
-Uh, yeah.
-They moved her in 401.
-Okay.
-Thank you.
-Thank you.
My God.
Come in.
Hi, guys.
I can't believe it.
Wow.
-Hi.
-Hey.
Hi. How are you?
I can't believe you're here.
We're sorry we're late.
It's okay. I'm-I'm...
W-We're... Everything is...
It's okay.
And this is your boy.
-Do you want to hold...
-I'm sorry.
-Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-We just...
-I slept. I was...
-Yeah.
We just fell asleep.
Hi, guy. You want to get up?
Oh, hi, guy.
Hey.
Oh, he's awake.
Hi. Hey.
Hi, little cutie.
Oh, hey.
Hi.
Wow.
Just like that.
There it is.
He's your son.
He is.
You are the hero of the story.
No.
Thank you.
So, did you think of a name?
Um, yes.
It's Giovanni.
Giovanni.
It's a family name.
Thank you.
We got our baby.
We got our baby boy.
Hi.
Okay, ready? And here we go.
Okay? Take three.
Let's try to act a little more
normal in this one.
-Here we go.
-This is just harder
-than I remember it being.
-I agree.
Okay. All right.
"Why do you want
another child?"
Um, why do we want
another child?
Because we want to give
your child a great life
and hopefully have another
exciting life experience.
Yeah, because
raising a kid is fun.
Um, "Talk about the experience
of picking up your first child
from the hospital."
-Hmm.
-Let's skip that one.
-Think we'll skip
that one for now. -Yeah.
I can still hear her head
hitting the rock.
Okay.
Why don't we call, uh,
Dr. Marcie and we'll get a...
-Get a session on the books?
-Session.
That's probably a good idea.
I'm gonna get a Percodan.
How do you think
those goats are?
They're alive, right?
Bella's still alive?
Okay. "What, uh...
What have you learned
by becoming a parent?"
That we would do anything
for him.
Anything.
Okay, I think we did it.
I think we killed it.
Oh.
Okay. Okay.
Well, we'll cut there.
Gio, Gio, come on. Hey, buddy,
don't lick the camera.
Okay.
Here we go.
Gio, how many dadas
do you have?
I have two dadas.
-Come here!
-I love you!
-Oh!
-Oh, we love you, too.
Baby.
Oh! Oh!
Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! Hyah!
Hi.
Hey!
S.