I Feel Pretty (2018) Movie Script

TASHA: Thanks.
Have a good class.
Okay, someone has to address
this towel situation.
Because, like,
I labeled the beds...
specifically for certain towels.
Hi, Renee Bennett.
Uh, Renee Bennett.
Is this not where I go?
No, this is where you go.
Just sign in here.
- Do you need shoes?
- Okay. Yes.
- Okay, what size?
- Eight.
- Eight?
- Seven.
- Seven. Okay.
- Nine and a half.
A nine and a half?
- Nine...
- Okay. Yeah.
Double what?
Like the trailer?
- Um... Hmm...
- Double-wide. Just...
(LOUDLY) Do we have
a double-wide shoe?
It's just like a regular shoe,
but it's wider,
and then it's wider for that.
I guess for just wider feet.
You know what,
I think we have a male instructor
who used to be, like, a fireman.
Maybe he matches
your big foot?
I'm just going to take these.
These are perfect.
Okay. Have a good class.
So, your first time?
Me, too.
- Really?
- Yeah.
We all got to
start somewhere, right?
- All right, well, good luck.
- Yeah.
- See you in there.
- You too.
Oh, shit, are you okay?
Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
No, seriously, are you okay?
'Cause that looks bad.
Yeah, no, I'm just going
to get some smaller shoes.
- Are you okay?
- Um... Yeah.
Hey, guys, this is Jen,
and today I wanted to share
another really cool
hair tutorial with you.
This look is a very punk rock
faux-hawk using ponytails.
I'm going to start at the top
and add a bump
to the top of my head.
Back comb with some hair spray
until you have
a lot of volume there.
Now I'm taking
another little section
a little bit wider.
Now tie this part back.
Now at the very end
of your ponytail,
I have this little bit
of hair at the end.
So I'm just going to give it
a lot of volume.
So, this is the final look.
I hope you guys
enjoyed this rock star,
kind of punk rock
mohawk faux-hawk.
If you did, don't forget
to give this video
a thumbs up
and subscribe to the channel
for more hair tutorials.
This is Jen, and I will
talk to you guys next time.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Are you shopping for a gift?
Oh, no, just kind of
browsing for me.
Okay. Um...
So sizing is a little limited
here in the store,
but you could probably
find your size online.
Hey, hi.
A guy ran by. It was weird.
- I'm trying.
- Just, like, ask.
Just get in there.
Should we have
more, like, banter?
Nah, I'm good.
We should have fun in here.
We should come in and be,
like, excited to interact.
I had sex last night.
Uh... Oh, cool.
I was alone.
Forget it.
Did you get that email
from Corporate?
Complaints about
the Clafoutis lipstick?
The Clafoutis?
Customers are saying...
it's way more orange
than it looks online.
No. Okay, then tell me
this isn't
the exact same color.
Look at this.
I just write code.
Come on, Mason.
This is exactly
why they should just
let us run the website
from the 5th Avenue
Why does Lily LeClaire,
like, hide us
in this weird
Chinatown basement?
I'm so sick of it.
Aren't you sick of this?
I'm getting out of here.
I'm getting a coffee.
A real coffee. Not that crap.
Do you want anything?
- Bagutti.
- You mean a baguette?
- Yeah.
- You want a whole baguette?
Half a baguette.
That's not weird.
- Yeah?
- Yeah,
the highlighter does it.
Viv, you look gorgeous.
- Right?
- Yeah, you look really beautiful.
Wow. I mean, I do look pretty.
Just... I don't know
if I look like me.
No, you don't
look like yourself.
But you do look
like Selena Gomez
in that video
where she says, "It ain't me."
It is you.
Like, I recreated it.
Are you sure I don't look like
sort of a lady of the night?
Like a prostitute?
Come over here, boys.
No, and they don't talk
like that anymore.
Like, it's kind of rad
that your work
lets you take all this stuff.
I know.
Well, it's more like implied...
You know, they're not like,
"Here's a gift bag."
- But I steal it.
No, but a lot of it's recalled.
They wouldn't care.
Like, this one they said
looks like contraception.
Oh, hey, it really does.
That's exactly
what my pill pack looks like.
Yeah, but a lot of people
like having sex
and not having a baby,
so I don't know
what the problem is.
I met this baby the other day
that was, like, wack as hell.
- Really?
- Okay.
This is the Groupie sight?
It's not "Groupie."
It's Grouper Date.
And you're not bailing
because we need three people
in order to get matched
on a date.
- Yes.
- Yeah, but look at them.
Come look at these pictures.
These are the people
we're competing with?
Three Eurasian
cocktail waitresses.
RENEE: Three
Australian wakeboarders.
And the Hadids!
Is that the mom?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
I'm not competing with this.
I'm not doing it.
Well, Renee, the thing is,
like, different kinds of men
are looking
for different things.
VIVIAN: Like, I mean, I know
that my guy is going to
be interested
in the fact
that I like true crime
and inter-species
animal friendships.
And I've added them all
on dares...
No, don't put that
on the profile.
My God, Viv, nobody cares
about the profile.
No one even
looks at the profile.
The picture
is all that matters,
and you get
a picture of yourself
and you feel, like,
really good about it
and you hide your double chin,
you hide your acne,
and you hide your cellulite.
And then when the guy
meets you in person,
he's, like, so disappointed.
Or you take
a picture of yourself
where you feel like
it really looks like you.
And then
you check your profile
and no one is liking it
or clicking it or twitting it
or poking you.
And you didn't even want
to go out with this guy
in the first place.
But he's rejecting you,
and it's not fair,
and I'm sick of it.
You raise a lot
of interesting points, Renee.
And thank you
for that pep talk.
Yes, thank you.
JANE: I feel like this is
exactly what we needed.
You guys are jerks.
Let's just take a fun picture.
- Yeah.
- Let's just do it.
- I'm a photo queen!
- Look at this face!
- Whoo!
- Okay.
That's not good.
We look like
we're being attacked, Viv.
- JANE: That's bad.
- RENEE: I look mid-poop.
It looks like you're, like,
having sex with me.
- Viv!
Come on... And three.
VIVIAN: And that's the one.
What the hell, Mason?
I spilled salad dressing
on myself.
God, look, I know this office
isn't the epicenter
of anything,
but once we stop
feeling compelled
to participate
in things like pants,
we've gone too far outside
the social contract.
We're in a crisis, Renee.
The server's down.
It's happened before,
it always
comes back online,
but not this time.
Oh, no... Wait, wait, wait.
How are we going to get
the web traffic reports
to Corporate
for their 11:00 a.m.?
It's our only job
in this stupid office!
I'm already
printing out the reports,
and it's not stupid.
Maybe a little.
Either way, you can
leave our stupid office
in about 10 seconds.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
You think I'm going
to Lily LeClaire today?
(SCOFFING) Oh, no, I am not
going to Lily LeClaire.
I promise you that, okay.
- I did not shower.
- You never shower.
I never shower for work.
Okay, I shower at night.
When I shower is my business.
I'm not going there.
No, I'm wearing
bathing suit bottoms
'cause I have no clean undies.
I have
a Bed Bath and Beyond bag
for my purse. No!
Repeat after me.
I am brave.
- I am brave.
- I am blonde.
- I am blonde.
- And I got this.
And I got this.
- I am brave!
- I am brave!
- I am blonde!
- I am blonde!
- And I got this!
- And I got this!
I am brave!
For Steve in Marketing.
Okay, great. I'll make sure
she gets them.
Is that Avery LeClaire?
- Yeah.
- There she is again. Oh!
(WHISPERS) Oh, my God.
She's right there.
Is that so cool?
What's that?
You know,
being the receptionist here?
Just being around it all?
No, I'm just
an intern filling in.
They're trying to find
a new receptionist, actually.
Shut up.
Oh, come on.
It's like a dream job.
Um, I'll make sure
Marketing gets these papers.
I'm gonna head out.
AVERY: Can we all say hello
to my grandmother, Lily,
who will be joining us today?
- Hello, Lily.
We are in our third quarter
of our fiscal year,
and as you are all aware
the research results
have come in
on our diffusion line.
Do you have to say
"diffusion" like that?
- Like what?
- Like it means "low end"?
It does mean "low end."
It also means "accessible."
Or "thoughtfully priced."
Say it like that.
It seems that
we have some work to do
on our diffusion line
because we are new
to the diffusion landscape.
We need to get people
used to seeing
our products not just
at Saks and Bendel's,
but also at Target and Kohl's.
Jenn, go.
Well, it says here that 74%
of core diffusion
demo respondents
strongly believe that we are
elitist pricks.
Okay, so what I am hearing
is that
we need to pivot in order...
This is not
rocket science, Avery.
We're just trying to start
a line of accessible cosmetics
at Target.
Who here has gone
makeup shopping at Target?
- You?
- No!
- Either of you?
- Mmm.
People think
that we are elitists
who do not belong at Target,
and they may be right.
But when people
walk into this office,
I want them to see
that Lily LeClaire
includes everyone.
Even bargain shoppers.
"Must be passionate
about beauty..."
"...and dream
of sitting in our lobby..."
"...at the center of it all.
"Must be stylish
and full of confidence."
I mean...
Maybe not full of confidence.
"The first face people see
when they come to our office,
"in some ways, the real face
of our beauty line."
(SIGHS) Whatever.
Yes, it is the perfect job,
of course I know that.
I'm just...
I don't even see
a point in applying.
I have no shot.
I'm not exactly
the face they're looking for.
Oh. Hey, Jane,
can I call you back?
Um, Renee. We kind of met
at SoulCycle...
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah, yeah.
How's your vagina?
- Oh.
- Like, the whole region?
(CHUCKLES) Thanks for asking.
The region is kind of
as good as can be expected.
Was there blood?
There was not not-blood.
Hey, hi.
- Hi.
- I'm sorry,
I'm so lost.
Could you tell me where to
find that squeezy dish soap?
- Uh...
- Now, you're probably
wondering why I'm not
asking, you know,
the person
that obviously works here.
I don't work here.
But I've gotten
really good at dishes.
And so, I was just wondering
if you might
have some dishes...
Oh, my gosh,
I'm so sorry, I forgot.
It's in aisle 10.
- Hey, we're good, sir.
- Oh.
I was thinking, you can
give me your number...
Um, I'm so sorry,
I don't give out my number.
It's nice to meet you.
- So...
- It's nice to meet you.
Good luck with the dishes
and everything else.
Thank you.
Does that kind of stuff
happen all the time?
What, him?
Yeah, like a guy, like,
trying to hook up
with you in
a totally normal place?
Yeah, I'm sure that happens
to you all the time, too.
Uh, no.
That has literally never
happened to me in my life.
Yeah, well,
I don't believe you.
Wait, can I ask you
a question?
Did you ever go on a trip
to, like, Italy or something,
and you land at the airport
and then, like,
you meet these two guys,
and they're like,
"Hey, come on this yacht with us,"
and then you wind up going on
a yacht trip in, like, Capri.
And it's like
this whole other part
of your trip
you didn't even foresee.
- But, like...
- (CHUCKLES) Yeah.
I had one like that
last summer.
In Greece, though, not Italy.
I knew it.
- I knew it! I knew it!
- Yeah.
God, I knew
that stuff happened.
Oh, man, I've just...
I've always wondered
what it feels like to be just
undeniably pretty.
And just have all those parts
in life open up to you
that you only
get to experience
when you look like you.
Just once...
I mean...
I don't think that
this mascara
or Wet n Wild bronzer
can do that kind
of heavy lifting. So...
I'll just pray for a miracle.
Hey. It's not in 10.
Nine. It was aisle nine.
Do you want me to show you?
Can we get you back
to register two?
I don't work here.
JOSH: Make my wish right.
I wish I were big.
This is crazy! This is crazy!
I wish...
I wish I was beautiful!
Please, please,
please. Please.
What's up, SoHo, I'm Luna!
Are you ready?
All right, y'all, I don't know
what you came
in here for today,
but what I do know is that
the miracle is already here.
You just have to open
your heart and receive it.
I want you
to look in the mirror
and visualize the change
you came in here for.
Is it spiritual?
Is it physical?
Is it emotional?
Today I want you
to look in the mirror.
You're not going to see
what you normally see.
Today you're going to see
what you've
always wanted to be.
So, you ready
to get your life?
SoHo, are you ready
to get your life?
- Change your life!
Change your body!
Change your life!
- Three, two, one!
Oh, my God, are you okay?
We got a white girl down.
You hit your head really hard
on the way down.
Sorry. Oh, God.
Here's an ice pack.
Oh, God, thank you.
And some water.
And we have
a complimentary bandana.
You didn't have to do that.
This is too much.
This is huge. (EXHALES)
Did something
happen to your arm?
Should I call a doctor?
Yeah... (GASPS)
Are your legs okay?
No! They're not okay.
They're amazing. Oh, my God.
Do I look super toned to you?
I don't know
how to answer that.
- Oh, my God, feel my abs!
- Uh...
Rock hard, right?
Feels full.
- It's a rock.
- Uh-huh.
Wait, no.
- That's me?
- Yeah.
What? Oh, my God,
do you see this?
I mean... Look at me!
Look at my jawline!
No, no, I always
wanted this to happen.
You dream this will happen,
but I never thought
it would really happen!
I mean, look at me!
Look at my boobs!
Look at my ass!
I'm beautiful!
All right, if you're good,
I'm going to take this back
and go to the front.
As long as you don't sue.
Hey, great dress.
Thanks. It's from Target.
(CHUCKLES) Of course it is.
Aren't girls like us so lucky,
that we can shop like anywhere
and still look fly as hell.
- I guess.
- Yeah!
Oh, gosh! Thank you.
Chivalry, alive and well.
Jimmy, come here!
For Lisa in HR.
My name's Renee Bennett,
and I'm applying
for the receptionist job.
Don't scream.
Slowly turn around.
Okay, I know you don't
recognize me.
- I know that.
- Mmm.
But I'm going to prove to you
that I am your friend.
- Your good friend...
- Hey, sluts.
Oh, my God. Okay.
Don't scream.
No, no one is screaming.
Don't even make
the noise you just made.
Okay. Okay, now I know
you don't recognize me.
You're thinking,
"Who is this girl?
"And why is she here?
"What was she doing covering
our screaming-ass mouths?"
You guys, it's me.
VIVIAN: What's happening?
JANE: Full spin.
Oh, my God,
you don't believe me.
Why would you?
Okay, I'm going to prove
to you that I'm Renee.
All right, I'm just going
to tell you something
that there's no way
I would know
unless I was Renee.
Okay. Um...
Oh, remember the summer
we all were gonna
get those tattoos
of the 90210 characters
on our ankles. Right?
But we decided not to
because we were like,
"What if we don't always feel
"this strongly
about the actors?"
- Thank God.
- How would anyone know that?
Everyone would
know that, right?
Because I actually
got Andrea Zuckerman
tattooed on my ankle before
you guys bailed on the idea.
I forgot that, I'm sorry.
- I still feel so bad.
- No.
What's something only
I would know? Help me.
You have HPV.
- Everybody has HPV.
- I have it, too.
The point is, it's me! Renee!
And I don't know
how this happened
and I can't explain it.
All I know is that Luna
reached into
my Soul Cycled soul
and just gave me
what I've always wanted.
The chance to be beautiful!
- Yeah, well, that's great.
- Yeah.
- I'm so happy for you...
- Are you?
...that you are
working out and that
that clearly is making,
like, a big change for you.
I mean, like,
I hear really good things
about Soul Cycle and,
like, you look great.
Great? Guys, I'm a Kardashian.
One of the Jenner ones.
Maybe now that
your contacts are in...
I don't wear contacts.
I don't wear glasses.
I was just taking a swing,
- and it was a miss.
- Yeah.
You're trying to make sense
of this, and you can't.
That's true.
We cannot make sense of this.
But I want you guys to know
that even through I look like
this very different,
very hot person,
it's still me in here.
It's Renee.
I'm not going anywhere.
- BOTH: Okay.
- RENEE: Okay?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
But I am going to go to
the bar and get us drinks.
I could use one.
- Tequila?
- Sure.
How would I know that,
unless I was Renee?
Hey, Mason. (COUGHS)
I'm sorry I can't make it again.
I'll have to work remotely,
I have pink eye.
Yeah, it's really bad.
It's like, it looks like
my eyes are bleeding.
Yeah, no, I know
it doesn't affect your voice,
but it's like
the really bad kind
that causes flare-ups
in prison populations.
Look, I gotta go,
I'm going to the doctor.
I'll be in tomorrow,
but I'm going
in the subway, so I'm...
Hello? Hello?
CLERK: 116.
You probably haven't
been here before,
but you have to wait in line
and take a number.
- Oh, right.
- I can grab it for you.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
- I just... Here.
- Thank you.
And this guy just
calls out a number
completely out of sequence.
It's like a weird game
of bingo.
- All right.
- But no one wins. So, yeah.
What's your number?
So this is how it happens?
Just like that? Wow.
Just like what?
What happens, like what?
That is very clever.
I don't know why that's...
What is clever?
I'm just asking
what the number is.
What's your number?
And then I go, "Oh, 118..."
And then you're like,
"No, your phone number."
- Oh.
- Yeah. You are good.
How long have you been hanging
onto that little nugget?
I haven't. I haven't been
holding onto that.
That's not a nugget.
You hang out in
a lot of dry cleaners
and hit on perfect girls?
All right, give me your phone.
My phone?
Give me your phone, I'm going
to give you my number.
- Are you still talking to me?
- Don't chicken out now, son.
- I'm not chickening out.
- Here, come on.
Give me, we'll exchange phones.
That's what'll happen.
Here, give me your phone,
you take my phone,
put your number in.
Level the playing field.
Do people do this?
And this way you don't have
to feel intimidated.
I know what it's like.
Okay. Yeah. That's me.
And you know,
I'm slammed right now.
But I will do my best
to pencil you in.
Right after the jailhouse
pink eye clears up?
Who are you?
CLERK: Number 118!
That's me.
Oh, I couldn't get
the red vomit stain out of it.
What was it, like Sangria?
Some wine, like a red?
Something like that?
It had chunks in it,
did you know that?
And then you let it
sit for a while,
and I couldn't really...
That's fine.
I could take
another whack at it,
if you want.
I'm not a magician. 119!
So, look, I have not
logged into our account
since our profile went live
'cause I thought we could
all do it together.
Yeah, I think
that's the best idea.
Um, excuse me, bartender.
Can I please get
a couple shots of tequila?
- Uh...
- Can you stop it?
It's a coffee shop.
Now, listen. This is going to
be awesome. Trust me.
I'm about to make it
rain responses.
Hit refresh.
- Yeah, refresh.
- Always refresh.
- Are we on the Wi-Fi or...
- Yeah, we are.
So, it's true. Guys really
only care about photos.
My God, stop.
This is clearly my fault.
What? Why?
No, I take
full responsibility for this.
Guys, this is
because the old me
was clearly dragging
our stock down.
I, like, feel bad for her.
I wanna like hug this girl.
You look like you.
All we have to do
are get new photos of me.
You know, like, a photo shoot
for the new Renee.
Like maybe a hip-hop vibe.
Like St. Tropez.
You know,
let's get this in a bikini,
on a jet ski with,
like, Lil Wayne,
or Lil' Bow Wow,
or one of the Lil's.
I don't think that's a thing.
Which thing?
The whole...
Like, all those things.
One of the... A big one...
Big... Medium George?
I don't know who it is,
but it's going to be
and it's going to be hot.
No, we're going to do it.
Hot bikini action.
You know,
I don't have a yacht, but...
Does your brother
still have a kayak?
Hi, this message
is for Renee Bennett.
Please call Helen Grey's
office at Lily LeClaire
to set up your interview
for the receptionist position.
Renee Bennett?
Yeah. I'm Renee. Hi.
No, I'm looking
for Renee Bennett
for the receptionist job.
That's me. Here.
You must be Renee.
I'm Helen Grey, CFO.
We spoke on the phone.
And this is our CEO,
Avery LeClaire.
Hello, Renee.
Take a seat,
make yourself comfortable.
Thank you so much.
Uh, it's nice to finally meet
you face to face, Ms. Grey.
And I of course know
who you are, Miss LeClaire.
Renee currently works
in the online division.
Oh, wow, super.
Yeah, but I figure I can be
real with you guys,
like Gayle King real, and say
that it would be a shame
to waste all this in
a tiny Chinatown office.
I think we've got more
of a front-of-house
situation on our hands.
Am I right or wrong?
Renee, we appreciate
you taking the initiative,
but you're not exactly
the obvious choice
for this job.
RENEE: No, I totally get it.
Because I already
work for the company,
and this job would actually be
a pay cut
to my current salary.
It doesn't make much sense
why I'm here.
So what are your goals,
To work here
as a receptionist.
Okay, because most girls,
they view this
as a stepping stone
to modeling
or to opening their
own e-commerce boutique.
I hear you. And yes,
modeling is an option for me.
You are taking a risk.
Is this girl going to
walk out of this office
and right onto the runway
and never look back?
Is that realistic for me?
1,000%. But it's not who I am.
My only real goal
is to come here
to this office every day,
and help people feel
the same way I feel
when I step off that elevator,
that this is
the only place to be.
(SCREAMS) Yes, yes, yes, yes!
I got it!
I work here now!
- Mason, you in here?
It's me, Renee.
Can we talk in the office?
We can just talk here,
it's fine.
(SIGHS) Things have changed
for me, Mason.
They're moving me to HQ.
It's headquarters.
Everything I've ever wanted...
I really need you to leave.
I really would rather
you not hear the splash.
Don't worry.
I talked to them,
and HR is already
for my replacement.
- HR is just human resources.
Go, please. Go.
And I know you're happy here.
But anyway, I gotta go.
If you just finally
got the courage
to ask me out, it's too late,
Go please. Go.
I'll miss you. You want me
to leave it open?
- No.
- No?
You're gonna wanna
head to marketing,
and you're gonna wanna
have a great time.
She's headed to you,
she's adorable.
Good morning.
Hi, you know what,
I think I pressed
the wrong floor.
I'm looking for Lily LeClaire,
and this is not...
RENEE: Nope, that's us.
Welcome to Lily LeClaire.
You're probably used to seeing
Angie sit here,
but I promise
to win you over, too.
She served her bottle
of water room temp.
Now, I prefer
to serve it chilled.
I also serve it with a straw,
so you don't have to mess
with your fierce lipstick.
God, I love that shade.
What is it, Rogue Red?
Fall 2015?
I don't know any Angie.
What confused me
when I walked into this place,
honestly, is you and...
I know, right?
You're not the only one. Okay.
People don't expect a girl
sitting back here
to just be so on the ball.
See, that's not what I was...
But I know what it means
to work hard.
And I don't plan on
coasting off the benis
of this face or this body.
I'm going to bring it
every day.
I can see by your portfolio
that you're here
from the Rose Sheet,
which happens to be
my absolute favorite
trade publication.
So I'll let them know that
you're here for your 10:30,
and you can have a seat.
Or if you prefer,
get steps in to meet
your Fitbit goal for the day.
This hallway loops around,
and I'll let you know
when they're ready.
Welcome to Lily LeClaire.
And my name is Renee,
if you need
absolutely anything at all.
Ever, ever.
Hi, Lily LeClaire,
you've got Renee.
Oh, I'll put you through.
Hello, Renee.
It's all right.
I overheard your name.
I'm here to meet Avery,
but could you not make me wait
next to that lady.
I don't think I'll be
as nice to her as you were.
Oh, thank God. Okay, okay.
You're Grant LeClaire.
Holy shit. Holy shit.
Relax, you're good.
Okay, okay.
Right. Um...
Well, Grant,
I noticed on Page Six,
that you are often
photographed drinking
these Pressed Juicery
Greens 1.5.
Correct? I saw that
and I brought it here, in case
you were ever to come in.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome,
Grant LeClaire.
Sorry, what, you've seen me
holding these?
So you got them in
just for me?
I've also seen you holding
a lot of Brazilian models,
but I didn't think they'd fit
in the mini-fridge.
Okay, cool, I thought
you were gonna be mad
'cause I called you out
so hard.
Who hired you, Renee?
Avery. Your sister.
Yes, I know who she is.
Good. 'Cause Thanksgiving
would be really weird.
I don't know if you guys
do things like Thanksgiving.
Yeah, we do.
Oh, my God, that's crazy.
So, Avery, huh?
Good for her.
Oh, my God.
AVERY: This is our first
diffusion line,
and I really owe it
to my grandma
to get it right.
We are at a critical stage
for both the product itself,
and the packaging
and the copy.
So, now for the exciting part,
let's look at out samples.
This is our...
I'm so sorry. So sorry.
I am so sorry!
Okay, going to put it all back
right where it was.
Here is the blush.
All right, and here is
the packaging,
and I just need to find
the application brush,
and then we can move on
with our lives.
There is no application brush.
Okay. Got it.
Does that come
as a surprise to you?
Because if you knew
our products,
you'd know that
our blush never comes
with an application
blush brush.
Of course I know that.
Same as the Shimmering
Face Powders.
I just figured
for this particular product,
you know,
that there might be one.
But never mind, you guys,
you know how this works,
and I'm just
the beautiful face
keeping this place running.
I think we'd all like to hear
what you'd have to say, Renee.
Well, with high-end products,
we expect our customers
to have high-end
makeup brushes.
But regular girls
put their blush on
in the rearview,
on the way
to their crappy jobs.
And they're going to be pissed
when they open an $8.50 blush,
and they have
no way they can use it.
Then you just wind up
using your finger.
You know,
it never goes on right.
Then you hit a bump,
or you have an itch
and you wind up
looking like Braveheart.
Or some more
up-to-date reference.
That was very helpful, Renee.
Okay, great.
If anybody needs anything,
any water or anything,
just give me a signal.
The signal will
just be something like,
"Renee, we could use
some more water."
Or something, you know...
"Thirsty, more water."
Thank you.
-ETHAN: Hello?
- Hi, Ethan.
I know calling
a new love interest
can be stressful,
so I just wanted
to take that pressure off you.
You know, you wonder like,
"How long
should I wait to call?"
Or, "Is she too good for me?"
Blah, blah, blah.
But, uh, I'm just gonna
take all the heavy lifting
off of you
and let you know
that you are taking me out.
ETHAN: Who is this again?
Oh, yeah,
Renee from the dry cleaner.
RENEE: Aren't you glad
we're doing this?
I'm pretty scared of you,
so I was a little afraid
to not do this.
So what do you do?
Uh... I'm at CNN,
working in operations.
It's not what I want to do.
I'm trying to segue
- into being a cameraman...
- Oh.
But it's sort of
a boys' club over there.
- So I can't just...
Well, only girls complain
about things
being a boys' club.
Yes, good point,
but I mean it's like
a different breed
of, like, boys' club.
Like tattoos,
C-class driver's licenses.
I'm sure you're just
in your head about it.
They call me "Wheat Thin."
Because of "Ethan."
That's clever.
"Wheat Thin-Ethan."
That is it!
Hot dog.
Wheat Thin-Ethan.
That's not even as bad
as what I thought they meant.
No, I mean, I used to be
where you are right now.
I was working in this
tiny office, like tiny.
And I never thought
I'd make it to 5th Avenue.
But, I mean, look at me now.
I'm a receptionist.
(CHUCKLES) I haven't
said that out loud yet.
I, Renee, am a receptionist.
Oh, that was my hot dog.
You ate both of them.
Ooh, a bikini contest!
We're going!
You sure this is
where you want to be?
There's a bar
just down the thing,
they're doing
Latin rhythms night.
Oh, we should hit that next.
Yeah. Or sooner.
Right here.
Anybody sitting here? No?
You sure no one's
sitting here?
Yeah, it's, like, starting.
You know, I'm cool with this.
As long as you're
comfortable sitting here
while these women
are kind of naked.
Kind of? They look great.
What are you doing?
Well, I don't have
a bathing suit,
so I have to improvise.
Kind of hotter
than a bathing suit,
because it's, like,
and you can, like,
see most of my butt.
Wait, are you entering
the bikini contest?
- Yeah!
- No!
It's 500 bucks to the winner.
Did you see the sign?
Yeah, but I think
that you probably
had to pre-register online,
and then there's
also the issue
of the non-regulation bikini.
that Latin rhythms night...
It'll be more fun.
Oh, wait,
I see what's going on.
You're worried that the guys
are going to be drooling
all over me.
- Uh-uh.
- Oh, my God, that's so sweet.
But don't worry, okay?
I'm here with you.
I came with you
and I'm leaving with you.
But I do need your help
with something.
Now, what do you think?
Shoe on or shoe off?
- This is off.
- Right.
This is me with it on.
Does it say, like, "Barefoot
hippie, she doesn't care..."
at the end of the day,
I don't know
if it's gonna have
a dramatic effect either way,
so I would go shoes on
because the carpet
is disgusting.
Okay, cool. Wish me luck.
- Good luck. Yeah.
- I got this.
So scared.
Welcome to the semi-annual
Ruby's Bangin' Bikini Contest.
We're going to start it out,
and do it proud.
Here she comes everybody,
let's bring out our girls.
Lacey J.
She's pursuing her certificate
in heating
and cooling maintenance.
Fire and ice, she sure is!
Is there a doctor
in the house? No!
But there is
a dental assistant
and her name is Tiffany!
Look at that!
Oh! Whoa!
Work it out, honey!
Watch out, guys,
it's about to heat up!
Because here comes Vanessa!
Our Vanessa here has been
to 11 of our United States.
So give it up for Vanessa!
Oh, we've got
a late entry here.
I hope her buns are tighter
than this penmanship
'cause this is really
hard to read.
But keep it going
for Renee Bennett?
Renee Bennett.
Whoa, are you here
for the barback job?
You're in the contest? Okay.
- I got it. I got it.
- You got it? Okay.
Hello, everyone, I am Renee!
As advertised!
Renee hails
from the Long Island,
and she is a receptionist.
Um, Renee enjoys
watching people
trying to cover up
their disappointment
from their dreams being
shattered on shows such as
Antiques Roadshow
Shark Tank.
And Renee is not afraid
of returning things
for store credit!
Renee was kicked out not once,
but twice from
a New Kids
on the Block concert
for crying too hard.
Joey! Am I right? Joey!
MAN: Marry me!
And although you ladies all
seem super chill,
I did not come here
- to make friends. Okay?
DJ, hit it!
And now it's time
to tally the votes.
Are you guys ready?
The winner of this year's
Ruby's Bangin' Bikini Contest,
Lacey J. from New Brunswick,
New Jersey! Lacey!
Take a lap! Come on, Lacey!
Don't worry, Romeo,
she'll be right out.
Yeah, I didn't know
if they go backstage.
Is there a backstage here?
Yeah, it usually leads
to a rehab.
But that Renee?
That's your girl, right?
- Uh... Friend for now.
- Friend?
Just friend, this is
our first kind of night out.
All right, I didn't ask
for a podcast.
Either way, your lady
killed it tonight.
She is awesome.
She is the complete package.
Yeah, I'm getting
to know that.
Um, I've never seen
anything like that.
Now the girl who won,
who happens to be
my god-niece,
of course, she was hotter.
But let's say this,
it's a lonely dark night,
you got a flat.
Who do you want next to you?
Your girl. Yeah.
Your girl can handle herself
in a knife fight,
and I like that.
Dude, up here.
Uh, thank you.
Tonight's your night,
good luck.
- Hey, that was so great.
- Hi.
Sorry, I got you all wet.
Oh, yeah, that's water, right?
Yeah, I think it's water.
I'm sorry it didn't go
the way you wanted it to.
I mean, it was awesome.
Yeah. No, it didn't.
It went way better.
We each get two free drinks
and an appetizer!
That's what I was hoping.
- On the house.
- What are the parting gifts?
I was looking
at the coconut shrimp
'cause I didn't get
any hot dog.
You snooze,
you lose your hot dog.
You're really not upset?
No, not really.
I mean, these things are
so, like, political.
- Yeah.
- I won't get into all of it.
Mostly because
I have no information...
No, I can see
a place like this
running kind of a shady...
Yeah. I feel like I did win.
The crowd was going crazy.
And you know what,
I know I look good.
I don't need some, like, room
of drunk guys to confirm that.
Can I be you when I grow up?
You should've won,
you were ripped off.
I think I've earned this,
That was just sitting there.
That's not even mine.
Mmm. (SPITS)
I thought I smelled
animal products.
- Mmm.
- Can I ask you something?
Just because you seem to have
such great insight
about our diffusion line
Yeah, of course.
I'm here to help.
My grandma is coming
to review everything
for the big pitch to the
Target people in Boston,
and I just really
want to make sure
that I get everything right.
Super, yeah.
- Oh!
- So, I had this great idea.
You know how
at our traditional outlets
like Bergdorf's
or Bloomingdale's,
we have a dedicated makeup
counter with a specialist
to help teach
about the products
and how to apply them.
I thought what if,
even at Target,
during our peak hours,
we offer the same thing
to our diffusion line
Oh, shit, you hate it.
No, I don't hate it.
No, if you think it's a shitty
idea, please tell me,
'cause I am really freaking
out about this whole thing.
From what I can gather,
just, you know,
from my friends,
those professionals
at the makeup counter
are actually a deterrent.
There's these, like, beautiful
statuesque women
just staring at you,
with your pimples and your
asymmetrical face,
and they just make you
feel bad about yourself.
I mean, it makes them
feel bad about themselves.
That's why these regular girls
flock to the anonymous aisles
of a big superstore.
So they can just go in
and buy their makeup
without somebody
standing there,
making them just feel like
they're not good enough.
Like it's a waste of time
to even try.
I'm just a stupid idiot,
dumb bitch.
Oh, my God. You?
No, you're not.
You're, like, amazing.
You're everything I could
ever want to be.
It's this voice.
Your voice? You...
Something wrong
with your voice?
I haven't noticed anything...
It's a little high-pitched.
I sound like a freaking moron.
- No.
- But I'm not...
I've got a JD/MBA
from Wharton.
I clerked for
a Supreme Court Justice.
But it's this voice,
I can't kick it.
I've tried everything.
Vocal coaches...
That's it, actually,
just vocal coaches,
but still nothing.
Coaches, okay.
That's why I feel really lucky
to have someone
like you here, Renee.
Someone like me?
Someone who knows
the clientele
that we're going after,
someone who can
speak to that world.
There's a dinner coming up.
I'd love for you to come.
A dinner? Oh, my gosh.
You can bring
your boyfriend or your
girlfriend or however
they identify,
just, if you have one.
No, I... Uh...
I guess I actually...
I do have somebody
that I could invite
right now. Yeah.
And he identifies as a guy.
I mean, he's... There are some
very feminine aspects to him,
but it's part of his charm.
You'll see.
Okay, good.
- Ready to get some dinner?
- Yeah, I'm starving.
- All right, let's do it.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Pretty hungry myself.
Where you coming from?
Oh, I was just, uh,
down the street.
Nowhere, hanging out.
You're sweaty.
I was working out,
but I showered.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
Were you at Zumba?
Is that what it's called?
I don't...
I never pay attention.
Yeah. Yeah, it's called Zumba.
It's pretty...
Like a female workout.
That's, like, a girl's...
- Is it?
I don't... It's a workout.
- I don't go to gyms...
- Oh, my God...
...'cause I don't like
all the machismo,
so I go where the ladies go.
- Oh, I get it.
- Not a big deal. Get what?
You're that guy.
"Go to the gym
to pick up chicks" guy.
I am 100% not the "go to
the gym to meet chicks" guy.
Really? Zumba?
No, I am the guy
who sits
next to you for, like,
four years in high school
and wants to ask you out,
but I chicken out
like I always do,
and then I get online
and monitor your status
for 10 years,
hoping that you'll be single
at the reunion,
but if you're not,
you're married,
that's great, don't care.
- You're happy for her?
- I'm happy for her.
That's not real, by the way.
By the way, that's not real.
That's me painting a picture.
- That sounded pretty real.
- I mean...
Let's go to dinner.
When I started to say it,
I regretted it.
What was the picture's name?
Yeah. You can have one grape.
Where have you met the girls
you've mostly dated? You know?
Uh... Well, honestly,
I don't date that much.
Well, that's really weird.
- Is it?
- 'Cause neither do I.
- What?
- No, I really don't.
I know it seems like...
You're saying it
'cause I said it.
No, it seems like I have
all this experience, I know,
and that's kind of like
what I put out there,
but I've dated...
I've been
in three relationships.
- Really?
- Yeah,
and one of them had
a girlfriend. I didn't know.
I did not know. We were dating
for a couple months,
and then I get a phone call
from this girl,
like, "This is his
girlfriend," I was like...
- Oh...
- "This is his girlfriend."
Yeah. (LAUGHS)
I would cry so hard.
Did you cry?
- Don't answer that.
- Don't answer that.
- Yes, I cried.
- Why did I ask if you cried?
- No, you're a sensitive...
Ah! That's not what
a dude would ask.
What about... Is that
your class over there?
- Do you want to... No...
- Okay.
I'm strictly indoor Zumba.
I would never
do outdoor Zumba.
What's the move they're doing
right now called?
ETHAN: That's called
the star hop.
- It's not a full jump.
You are...
You are quite a man, Ethan.
I got to read more Maxim
or something.
Ew, please don't read Maxim.
You're perfect.
I'm not perfect,
but I do think that you are.
Whatever, Wheat-Thin.
I'm being serious.
You're, like, so yourself
or something,
I don't know, it's cool.
No, keep talking. (LAUGHS)
Uh, I think a lot of people
are confused about themselves.
They, like, obsess over
whatever negative quality
they perceive in themselves
and they completely miss
the thing that really
makes them awesome.
You, like, know who you are
and you don't really care
how the world sees you.
You're so yourself, too.
I mean, you have no idea
who you are. (LAUGHS)
No, but you're honest
about it.
And it just
makes me feel really,
I don't know, close to you.
Are you going to kiss me?
I was just gonna
get as close as I could...
- To tell you...
- Yeah?
That I...
You have a girlfriend?
That I would love to kiss you.
RENEE: Just give me
one minute.
Yeah, no worries,
take your time.
- Hey.
- Hey. Hey...
I thought you might want a
sneak peek of what's to come.
I don't know if you know
what "sneak peek" means.
You're completely naked.
Oh, how embarrassing.
Do you want me to go cover up?
- Ethan, are you coming?
- Yup.
Thanks for coming over.
- Um...
- What?
Yeah, I want you to see me.
You know?
Oh, yeah, no, 100%.
I'm definitely
loving seeing you.
I just didn't know
if you wanted to see me.
No, I want to see you.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!
Are you looking in the mirror?
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, that is so hot.
It felt good the whole time.
- The whole time?
- The whole time.
- That was my favorite part.
- This is perfect.
I liked the whole time.
Yeah, and you were
such a great leader.
- You really took over.
Thank you, and you
follow the leader well.
I was willing to do...
Wait, shh... Do you hear that?
- What is it?
- Is that the ice cream man?
I think that's
the ice cream man.
Oh, no,
it's just an ambulance.
Renee, you're just naked
at the window.
Everybody down there
can see you.
Well, they're welcome.
- It's a good neighborhood.
- Uh... How...
How do you do that?
Do what?
I don't know,
have all of the confidence?
I wasn't always like that.
And what changed?
I started to
really believe that
if I wanted it bad enough,
all my dreams could come true.
And they are. You know?
That is the ice cream man.
Okay. That might be
the ice cream man.
All right, follow me
right this way.
Your guests are
in the private dining room.
Private dining room?
It must be
a company-wide thing,
or I wouldn't have
been invited.
- What the...
- Sorry.
That's a very small company.
So, how did you two meet?
Uh, we actually met
at the dry cleaners.
I had vomited Sangria,
like, all over a sweater.
It was pretty romantic.
- Sounds magical.
- RENEE: Yeah.
So, Renee, I was just
telling Gram here about
all our great ideas
for the diffusion line.
- Hmm.
- Cool. Yeah.
Great ideas.
Yeah, oh, they're so great.
Wow, you're really
nailing this, Avery.
LILY: Avery, relax, dear.
Renee, Avery
obviously wants you here
in order to legitimize
her whole plan for the line.
I mean, Avery
has been incredible.
I still can't believe
I even get to work with her.
Oh, my God.
Is that Hidden Valley?
Only the best, my dear.
Oh, my God, that is
my absolute favorite.
In high school, I would just
eat it by the spoonful.
And by spoonful,
I mean I would just chug it.
You know,
KFC actually uses HV.
But nobody knows, because they
put it in their KFC packaging.
Do you want me to grab you
some, next time I'm in there?
A couple of the small packets?
That's the nicest offer
I've had in a long time.
Well, you know, collecting
travel-sized condiments
is, like, a very big
part of my life.
The tiny little
ketchup bottles?
Or the little Tabascos?
They slay me!
- So, as I was saying, Renee...
- Oh, yeah.
...has been instrumental
in helping refine our message.
LILY: Uh-huh.
And just what is that message?
Just that I think that most
luxury brands get it so wrong
when they try to
make a diffusion line.
They treat it
more aspirational,
when it really needs to be...
And practical and real.
I mean, these women,
they know who they are,
and they just...
They're proud
to be bargain hunters.
Avery's life experience
may not allow her
to connect with that customer.
Please tell me you're going to
be in Boston with us.
Yes, of course. She is.
Of course I am?
Yes, of course. Remember?
RENEE: You never
mentioned that to me.
Yeah, we definitely had this
conversation about you...
Avery, we definitely didn't.
I would remember...
- Boston...
- That would be, like,
- a very big deal to me.
- Don't you remember?
I would have called you.
I would have called,
like, everybody.
Is your eye okay?
Oh, my God, would you
please just agree to go?
Before her fake eyelashes
come flying off
her bulging eyes.
Stop that.
Would you come with us
to Boston
for the Target pitch?
Oh, hell yeah, Gram.
I will be in Boston!
Of course I'll go!
Does the Pope shit in Boston?
I'm going.
This is definitely where my
work friends said they'd be.
Why are we running?
It's like a super exclusive
speakeasy, with, like,
a hot crowd.
Hi. Um, we're here
for the speakeasy.
What speakeasy?
Three girls for the speakeasy.
- No.
- Am I saying that right?
- Speakeasy...
- It's cool. We'll find it.
- Thanks, dude.
- Speak...
He was supposed to
just show us
where the doorway was. Right?
- That's clear.
- Right.
I don't understand. And now,
look, he's leading
these girls to it.
Those posers don't know
what they're missing out here.
Didn't I ask you guys
to wear heels?
Yeah, well,
I can't walk in heels.
- So...
- I'm just saying that
if we want to get
into places like this...
We don't really care about
getting into places like that.
But I guess now you do?
Jenn! Hi! Oh, my God!
- Oh! Hello.
- Hello, sir.
VIVIAN: Can I get
one of all of those?
Thank you.
Okay, good news, bad news.
Um... Good news is
that I can get in.
Bad news is you guys can't.
So, you know, obviously
I'm going to stay
with you guys.
I want to be here
and not in there,
in some dumb club
with these girls
I barely know.
Unless that's what you guys
think I should do 'cause...
- Yeah...
- Yeah? Are you sure?
Okay. Okay, thank you so much,
you guys. Okay.
I will tell you guys
absolutely everything
Enjoy the food.
Okay, is there where it is?
- In here?
- Mmm-hmm.
And then what I realized
is that I could eat
whatever I want,
and still look like this.
Shout out to
my genetic makeup.
So blessed.
We'll be with you momentarily.
Hello, Lily LeClaire,
you've got Renee.
- Hi.
- Hi. One second.
Yeah. I love
hearing your voice, too.
I have an appointment...
East Coast Escrow
is on the second floor.
You're gonna wanna
head down there.
I'm sorry, can you just...
If you could scoot
just a little bit.
Welcome to Lily LeClaire.
I am living for your bag.
Oh, my God,
you're waiting for me. Hi.
Thank you so much
for still doing this.
Oh, my God, stop it.
I wouldn't miss
our first Grouper date.
I know, but you know,
Ethan and...
Hey, I want to do this.
- Okay. Yes.
- All right.
I'm going to be like
the ultimate wing woman.
And when
they pay attention to me,
I'll just redirect them
to you.
- Oh.
- That's my whole plan.
- Okay.
- Okay.
There's... Okay.
- Hey, y'all. I am Renee.
- MEN: Hey.
- Hey.
- Hi. Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
- You guys,
what are we talking about?
Renee, where are you from?
No, I see
what's happening here.
No, redirect that energy
all over here.
Not all over her face,
but you and I are
not going to happen.
Lyle, I like your scarf.
Oh, really, this little thing.
You don't think it's too much?
Is it hand-knit?
'Cause I actually
do some loom weaving.
I don't know
how to make a scarf,
but once I made a Native
American medicine bag.
Actually, my sister studies
18th-century textiles online.
a little bit about Viv
that's unexpected.
She was thrown
out of eighth grade
for showing everybody
her boobies.
We all have a past.
And look, don't sleep on Jane.
Yes, she's dressed
like an old man
watering his lawn,
it doesn't matter.
Because once she gets
out of these clothes,
she has a sick body.
I can tell you guys have
a lot of sexual energy.
You know what, I feel like
we could use
some more drinks.
The ladies will be right back.
Okay. You guys get a drink,
and I'll hang with the boys.
No, no. You're coming with.
Come on. No.
RENEE: Okay.
- Hey.
- What are you doing to us?
I'm trying to help you guys,
you serious?
(SCOFFS) What?
I'm setting you up
for success.
Just be hotter.
You got to lead
with your hotness.
And then let them find out
how boring you are later.
You think we're boring?
Let's start over, okay.
You guys are going to be fun.
Let's have a blast.
I'm feeling like shots.
You guys want shots?
You guys are crazy.
Oh, hi. Hi, how are you?
Can we have six shots
of Fireball?
- All right.
Oh, my God. Obsessed with me.
Is he staring?
- No.
- Yeah.
We always
dance together like crazy.
Back it up!
- Not to me.
- Please, don't do that to her.
Can I sit here?
I'm a slightly nervous flyer,
so I took a few things.
Oh, cool.
Okay, yeah.
This is absolutely nuts.
I'm bugging,
I'm bugging right out,
right now.
Well, if things go
like I expect they will,
we have a lot more trips
like this in our future.
What are you talking about?
Like vacays to the Maldives?
No, I was thinking
more like Akron
or Milwaukee,
where we have our factories.
Okay. Okay.
I thought we were going
a different way with it,
but cool.
Oh, I also want to
give you a title.
Something like...
VP of diffusion line,
if you like that?
Okay. I have a title?
VP of the diffusion line!
Wait, should I get,
like, a standing desk
or something?
Is that too fancy?
No, those people always look
like they work at Verizon,
but I don't know.
Are you sure you don't want to
sit near the snacks?
I don't want to hog them.
There's just, like, so many.
So, let's talk
about the keynote speech.
So I put the whole thing
on my tablet.
I can hook up to a Bluetooth,
or I can just be on a remote.
I can go to a flat screen...
- Okay.
- We'll be great...
I'm just going to be quiet.
Come up there? Okay.
She see me?
- Avery?
- Yeah.
No. It's an hour flight.
Word will probably get out.
Yeah, but once we're up
in the air, it's too late.
I didn't know you were coming.
Oh, yeah,
I'm just hitching a ride
to the Yankees-Red Sox game.
So cool.
Are you pleasantly surprised?
- That you're coming?
- Yeah.
- Good. Me, too.
PILOT: Good morning,
welcome aboard. This is Dan,
your captain speaking.
About 35 minutes up to Boston,
skies are clear.
Sit back, relax
and enjoy the ride.
"What we really wanna say
to our customer is that, yes,
"we have made these items
"cheaper for her
and easier to use.
"But really...
"But really what
we've made them is better...
"...is better for her.
- "Because we love her."
No, thank you.
"Because we love her..."
So, I'm...
I'm right next door.
(LAUGHING) That's crazy.
Do you mind if I come in
and make a quick phone call?
That okay? Great, thanks.
- Yeah, the phone is...
- Right here?
The phone... Yeah.
Hey, yeah, can I get
the steelhead salmon?
And you can leave off
the gremolata,
and the tartlette of leek
and chanterelles.
- You want anything?
- Oh, no. I'm fine.
Mozzarella sticks?
- Mozzarella sticks.
- Mozzarella sticks, okay.
If you want them,
I don't even like them.
- But if you like them...
- No, I want them.
And a couple of orders
of mozzarella sticks.
Right. Thanks.
- Why can't you order?
- Yeah.
So, Avery had
all the room charges
blocked from my room.
Hey, it's not funny.
See, if I'd known
she was going to do that,
I would have just
asked to room with you
from the beginning.
Right. (LAUGHS)
This is cute. These pigtails.
Don't see them
so much these days.
Yeah, two of them.
Yeah, saw the other one
around there.
It's nice.
So, they got you
the big suite, huh?
This is, like, twice the size
of my room.
It's bigger than my apartment.
God, look at the size
of this bed.
Oh, yeah. Oh, that's...
I'll just put this there.
...just a bandage from my leg.
- Um...
I'm supposed to go
meet your sister at the bar,
to go over the presentation.
I'll just leave as soon as
the food comes, then.
Looks like
you're totally prepared
for this meeting tomorrow.
I mean, I'm sure you'll just
dazzle them, as per usual.
I dazzle?
Please, like you don't know.
Come on, you dazzle my sister,
my grandma, me.
Come here, sit down.
I don't know
how you do it, Renee.
But you've gotten
a whole lot of women
who always think
they know best
to sit up
and take notice of you.
And what you think,
and who you are.
Yeah, I can't even get
my room charges covered.
Yeah, but a lot of women
notice you, too.
Maybe, but that's just
'cause of my family's money.
I think.
Yeah, no.
Maybe not?
Problem is, I never
really know, you know?
No, I don't.
Except, you know, with you,
I feel like
I actually do know.
That I'm gunning
for your money?
Every last cent of it.
- Oh...
I am wet...
Excuse me?
...with diarrhea.
- Oh.
- Yeah, I...
I need you to go,
'cause I just feel how much
I'm getting diarrhea.
And I don't want you
to see the diarrhea.
Who are you?
Who are you?
GRANT: Hey, Renee,
the food's here.
I guess I'll head off.
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
Renee, whoa, are you okay?
Yeah, never better.
I'm looking
for Avery LeClaire.
I'm supposed to meet her down
here, but I'm really late.
Have you seen her?
You've got blood spurting out
of your head.
Oh, yeah, it really hurts.
What are you doing here?
I'm just getting ready
for the Target pitch tomorrow.
They want me
to do some AV stuff.
Wait a minute.
You recognize me?
You recognize me right now,
no problem?
Yeah, I mean, the blood
threw me a little, but...
Oh, my God,
I knew I felt different.
Oh, my God.
Please let it not be gone.
Please, God.
Please, please, please.
No, no, no.
It's gone! It's gone!
I said, "Who are you?"
into the foggy mirror,
and I hit my head.
I must've broken the spell,
and it's gone!
I knew it.
I knew it couldn't last!
Why would this last?
You're so stupid, Renee!
What's wrong with you?
I'm back to being me!
I need you to give this
to Avery LeClaire.
It has everything she needs
for the presentation.
She's going to think
she can't do it, but she can.
Aren't you going to do it?
I wish I could be there,
but I can't.
Will you tell her?
- Okay.
- Okay.
Flight 1116 to New York
is now boarding at gate C-17.
Oh, no.
Renee, I did the pitch.
I did it just like you said,
but coming from me,
it just didn't sound right.
Now we're doing
this giant launch event
to show everyone
how great the line is,
and we need you. Call me!
- Hey, you're home!
Oh, shit, hello?
Are you okay?
What just happened?
Um... Uh... I...
Oh, God.
My back. I broke it.
Just now?
No, no, no. Um...
At the airplane.
Well, that sucks.
What if I come over
and take care of you?
No, no, no, no.
They're spraying for ants.
Oh, well, then, Renee,
you shouldn't be there anyway.
That's horrible.
That's like poison stuff.
I'll come get you.
No, I really want to be here
for the ant removal.
I don't want them
to remove the ones I like.
And I don't really look
my best right now. So I...
I don't believe that.
I think you look great
all the time.
How about this?
Saturday night,
I'll take you out.
You're probably gonna be
recovered by then, right?
Mmm-hmm. Yes.
Okay. I miss you.
I miss you, too.
Oh, it seems like
you're standing right there.
- Is your back all right now?
- No.
It looked like
you had gotten...
No, that's a coincidence
'cause I'm not up.
Don't rush this if you...
Darling, if all you have
is a pack of gum, please.
Wait! Why her? What about me?
I'm standing right here.
All I have is this cookie.
Is it because
she's so beautiful?
I didn't even see you in line.
Yeah, right.
You probably have all these
cookies at your house
from all the 20-year-olds
that you bang!
And you don't even deserve it!
They just want your money,
so now you know that.
- Hi, darling.
- Hi, honey.
You found the ginkgo biloba.
- You okay?
- Mmm-hmm.
I would like to apologize.
I did not know your situation
and it's very beautiful.
You are two beautiful
aging white men.
Thank you.
I know, it's all gone.
I brought you these cookies.
They're covered in chocolate.
Okay, you're so drunk.
And there's a picture
of a cat on safari.
I know you just assume
you can just
drop by whenever you want
because your loser friends
have no plans.
But we're about to go to
"Escape the Room."
(GASPS) It's the Grouper guys.
Hey, Groupers!
Don't call them that.
RENEE: Where's your scarf at?
I want to go to the room
you pay to be locked in.
I don't really feel like
being embarrassed
or insulted tonight, so no.
You don't want to go with me
because I'm not
pretty anymore.
Look, why do you think
everyone cares
what you look like?
Like, we're your friends
because you were fun
and funny and kind.
And then I don't know
what happened.
I could tell you
what happened.
All my wildest dreams
came true,
and then it was gone.
Renee, will you just
listen to yourself?
Your wildest dream
is that you were beautiful?
That is so sad!
Yeah, like,
we never gave a shit
what you looked like.
I just want us to go back
to how we were before.
Can't we just do that?
Can't we just go back?
No. And we have to go, so...
All of us? We all can go?
Just us and not the guys?
Absolutely not.
Okay. Okay, I understand.
Well, I have my cell phone on
if anybody changes their mind.
I'm sorry. Sorry.
- MAN: You okay?
- Sorry.
Sorry, sorry.
What am I even worried about?
There's no way he's going
to recognize me.
Are you here alone?
(HIGH-PITCHED) Technically,
but I'm meeting my boyfriend.
Oh, right. Okay.
Of course.
Well, how about I buy you
a drink while you wait?
No, I really shouldn't.
Well, why not?
Just killin' time,
you're waitin' for your boyfriend.
I'm waitin' for my girlfriend.
Your girlfriend?
Did you say
that she's your girlfriend?
I did say that.
And I hope that's okay.
No, I'm sure
she, like, loves it.
But what...
What's she like?
Like, your girlfriend...
That's your girlfriend?
She is pretty amazing.
Funny and smart.
And the most beautiful girl
in the world.
And here I am,
"How did I get this lady?"
And I did.
I can't... Excuse me.
Hey, I'm sorry. I'm not going
to be able to make it tonight.
I can't do this.
I don't know what we're doing.
You, me, any of it.
I can't do it. I'm sorry.
Okay, wait. Hold on.
I didn't mean
to freak you out,
I'm sorry. I really thought
we were just having fun.
No, we were having fun.
That's not it. Um...
Um... I...
I don't know
what to say to you.
It's over.
Well, look,
you don't have to... Don't.
Let's not do it
over the phone.
Wherever you are,
I'll come and meet you,
and let's talk.
No, no, no. You can't come
where I am.
You can't see me anymore.
I'm not who you think I am.
And that's it? I think I...
I think I deserve
better than that.
You deserve much better
than this.
You deserve much better
than me.
I'm sorry.
- Hey...
- I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Hi. Hi, it's me.
- I know, yeah.
- I really need bike 34.
Oh, um...
I need to recreate the magic
of that last class.
Oh. We would like it
if you don't recreate that.
I'll be fine. I just...
I really, really need it.
Okay. There.
- What's up, SoHo, you ready?
This is your ride!
This is your time!
Reach inside your pelvis,
core engaged!
I want you to set an intention
for this ride!
I got one!
If your intention
was for change,
the change is already here,
and your miracle's
already here.
Yes, it is!
Today you're going
to see that person
that you've always
wanted to be!
Change your mind!
Change your body!
Change your life!
Are you ready?
ALL: Yeah!
Here we go!
In three, two, one! Up!
- RENEE: Hey.
- Oh.
You okay?
Yeah. I just, um... Sorry.
I'm just going through
a rough breakup, so...
Well, I bet guys
can be pretty mean
when you break up
with them, right?
Or when they break up with you
for being
a real freaking person.
Wait, hang on. (SCOFFS)
The acoustics in here
are weird.
It sounds like you are saying
you got dumped.
Someone said to you,
"I don't want
to see you anymore.
"Ever again. I don't want
to have sex with you again."
Somebody has told you...
You got dumped?
- Can you stop saying "dumped."
- Of course, I'm sorry.
I... I just assumed
that you wouldn't have to
deal with stuff like that.
What? 'Cause of my body.
Or something like...
Your body, your whole head.
Do you have every rib
that I have?
Everything really
worked out for you.
Where even are your organs?
I've always dealt with being
really insecure,
so it's nice to hear.
Shut up, forever. What?
No, I'm serious.
Like, it's an issue.
I struggle with self-esteem.
I want to punch you right
in your dumb face right now.
Okay, that's the kind of
comment that like... I just...
That's what causes
my insecurity.
"Dumb." It's like...
It's like a trigger word.
I'm sorry I said that,
it's just...
You getting dumped is making
me feel like I might be okay.
Randomly it's making me
feel better, too.
- Okay, that's good.
- Oh, my gosh.
But, um...
I have to actually go.
I have a go-see
at Lily LeClaire.
Lily LeClaire?
- Yeah.
- For what?
Um, like modeling
a new line, I guess.
The diffusion line?
Wait, you're going
for that? It's...
- Okay, bye.
- Okay, bye. Feel better.
- Thanks.
- That guy's a dick.
- Morning.
- Hi.
It's 3:00 p.m.
What you got for me?
In terms of what?
Some of those for me?
Uh... No, those are empty.
Can I have an ionic water?
Bottom right.
Thanks. Uh, you should
really serve these
with a straw and a napkin.
But I won't hold it
against you.
Hey, do you know
if this is something
to do with the diffusion line?
Yeah, they're casting
the face of the line.
They're planning a huge party
to launch the whole thing.
You think it ever occurred
to them to cast someone
who looks like they would
actually buy the products?
Someone like you?
Someone exactly like me.
Hey, Viv. Um...
I've been looking everywhere
for you guys. I...
I just want to apologize
for how I behaved.
I'm so sorry.
I... I'm so embarrassed.
Please tell Jane, I...
Anyway, um...
I really want you to
meet up with me on Friday.
I... I need you.
Okay. This is Renee.
RENEE: Come on!
We're going to miss it.
- MASON: This is uphill!
- This is it.
This is the door.
- Close it. Close it.
- I am.
Don't yell at me.
I'm closing it.
Act like
you've been here before.
Act like you work here.
I can't lose my job,
all right?
I'll have to move back
with my aunt.
She calls me Meat Patty.
- She drinks too much.
- I know.
Why didn't I hear about this
when we worked together?
This would be fun banter.
- Yeah.
- Okay. Just keep it cool.
Good evening.
And thank you all for
coming tonight.
We're so pleased
to have you here.
This is an exciting evening
for Lily LeClaire,
for you, and for me.
When my grandmother
first started this company,
in the year 1200 AD...
It's a long, long time ago.
She had only $1,000...
Again, that was
a long time ago...
Inflation, so...
So that would be
different now. And...
That wasn't supposed
to happen.
What... What?
Could somebody...
Is there anybody here...
Technical support?
Anybody who's technical
or support?
Stupid bitch,
you're such a failure.
I thought that was
going to bust easier.
My name is Renee.
Some of you know me
as this woman.
But that's not the real me.
This is the real me.
I don't get it.
I know, these women
look nothing alike.
But they're both me.
Take a second to process it.
But in this industry,
I only felt wanted
when I looked like this.
I think she's crazy.
Now when I looked...
There was no magic.
That's me.
That's me, they're both me.
That's me.
I did all this as me.
When we're little girls,
we have all the confidence
in the world.
We let our
bellies hang out, and...
And we just dance and play
and pick our wedgies.
And then these things happen
that just...
They make us
question ourselves.
Somebody says something
mean to you on the playground,
and then we grow up,
and you doubt yourself
over and over again
until you lose
all that confidence.
All that self-esteem,
all that faith
you started with is gone.
But what if we didn't
let those moments get to us?
What if we were
stronger than that?
What if we didn't care
about how we looked?
Or how we sounded?
What if we never lost
that little-girl confidence?
What if when someone tells us
that we aren't good
or thin or pretty enough,
we have strength
and the wisdom
to say what I am is better
than all of that?
Because what I am is me!
I'm me!
And I'm proud to be me!
And if you ever get the chance
to hang out with me
or my friends,
my amazing, perfect friends...
Well, all I have to say to you
is you're welcome.
Mason, hit it.
We are real women.
We are.
What a great thing to be.
A real, healthy, just strong,
funny, kick-ass chick!
This new line of products
won't change your life.
Only you can do that.
And you can do that.
Believe me.
But this line
is for every girl
who is ready
to believe in herself!
You are beautiful!
You are everything!
And you are the real face
of this line!
And we are all the face
of Lily LeClaire!
You go, Renee!
You picked a good one,
you know.
Oh, my God!
Well, that was super weird.
And also very effective.
Do you know we offer a mental
health program at work?
I still have a job?
- (LAUGHS) Oh, my God.
Okay, I'm gonna go say hi
to some people.
Avery? They're going crazy
for all this.
Let's be honest. We both know.
That's for Renee.
Sweetheart, Renee wouldn't
be here without you.
None of us would.
Oh, Gram.
ETHAN: This is Ethan.
Hi, it's me.
Um, I know
you probably don't want
to see me right now,
but I just...
Just, please hear me out.
Okay? I... I...
I am so sorry for how I acted
the other night.
I know this
is hard to believe,
but it has nothing to do
with how I feel about you.
And everything to do
with my feelings about me.
I, uh...
This is gonna sound
so crazy, but I...
I thought that you thought
that I was the most beautiful
woman in the world.
- Hey.
- Hey.
I do think
that you're the most
beautiful woman in the world.
Just let me real quick...
- 'Cause it was killing me...
- What?
You were, like,
struggling with it.
- You could see?
- Yeah, well, I saw...
- RENEE: That's a camera?
- ETHAN: Yeah.
You could see me
that whole time?
I've always seen you.
- What's up, SoHo!
You ready to change your life?
LUNA: I don't know what you
came in here for today,
but the miracle
is already here!
You just have to open up
your heart and receive it!
I want you
to look into the mirror
and visualize the change
you came in here for.
Is it spiritual?
Is it physical?
Is it emotional?