I Like Me (2018) Movie Script

He was just the
kindest man you could ever meet.
He brought me home
flowers every Friday.
Fast cars and explosions
Party hats and motion lotion
Let's go down to the ocean
And break out the tits
And whiskey
Fuck me, fuck me
Fuck me, fuck me
I am Ernie's...
Even after he got sick,
he'd have them delivered.
Sweet Jesus.
Just a ray of sunshine,
he brightened every life he touched,
not just mine,
not just Hannah's.
He had one of those smiles you
couldn't help but smile back at.
- What's wrong?
- I um...
It's... it's grandpa's funeral.
Of course.
It's hard on all of us.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Oh, thank you, honey. I'm
sorry you got dragged here.
I don't mind, really.
We always love having you
around in good times or bad.
I'm glad you're here, Maggie.
Your father would be happy
you made it... eventually.
Well, he didn't know I was late.
So, my condolences
for your loss.
Thanks. You too.
So, how long do you think
you'll be in town for?
Oh, well, I don't know,
maybe for a little while.
It'll be nice to be closer to Michael and...
well, you guys too.
It would be really great to have you
around more. Wouldn't it, Hannah?
Well, if you are around long enough, you should
stop by one of my bowling team's matches.
I'm always telling Hannah how she
should check out the fulfillment
that comes with the game of bowling.
It's really a life changer.
Are you guys still in that
McMansion on Bishop?
Thatcher, from my Aerial Silks Retreat said
that real estate is a great investment.
Yeah, I mean it's
usually stable but...
I mean there's all the work that
goes into managing a property.
I can't believe you.
- What?
- You're gonna ask for money at dad's funeral?
I didn't ask for money.
"Oh, you guys have such a nice house. What a
great investment. All that money you don't need."
If you need money, we can help.
She's family.
We haven't even seen
her since our wedding.
Okay, I'm gonna go.
Fine. Maggie. Maggie, wait.
Oh come on, don't be
such a drama queen.
You don't get to play Evita at
the Beach Grove playhouse
without being a little
bit of a drama queen.
Well, you've always
had a talent for it.
Thank you.
Look, if you're gonna be in town for a while,
we should get together sometime.
Coffee or you could
come by the house.
I tried to start a garden,
you could come look at it.
I think that dad would have liked
us to spend more time together.
Well, I guess it really doesn't
matter much anymore now, does it?
That was nice.
Where we met all aloof
Forgotten lake shore
Someone that styles
In the sky
And I mean I have
Known her forever
So, what can I get for you?
My father's dead.
Get me drunk.
How's that for starters?
You go...
You go...
You, woah...
Woah... You go...
Ma'am, we are closing up.
- So, you don't want any more of my money?
- Not tonight I don't.
Alrighty then.
You're sure you're okay?
You want me to call you a cab?
- How about you give me a ride?
- I don't usually...
How about you give me
a ride to your house?
Um, no ma'am. Thank you. No.
Your loss.
- Surprise!
- What are you doing here?
You said you wanted to hang
out more. So, let's hang out.
I... I didn't mean
at 2 in the morning.
I'll go get the guest
room ready.
No, Luke, wait.
What... can't you stay at Michael's?
I didn't want to bother him.
So, you bother us?
Well, I didn't think seeing your
sister was gonna be such a bother.
No, you're right. Luke,
can you grab some sheets?
How about that garden?
It's 2:00 a.m.
Come on. I thought you said you
wanted to show it off. Come on.
So, I planted some cherry
tomatoes over there
and I planted some beans too-those
are over... over there somewhere.
Not up
to your standards?
I guess I'd be more
impressed if I could actually see it.
All right, you should
be all set.
Thanks for having me crash here.
Wait, group hug.
Come on. Come on.
- Have a good night.
- Okay. Thanks.
Come up into
downward facing dog.
Exhale. Inhale.
Now raise your right leg up into
three legged downward facing dog.
And bend your right
knee into your chest.
- What is that?
- Set your foot down between your...
It's yoga.
It's relaxing.
Your legs are shaking.
That can't possibly be relaxing.
and spread your
arms into warrior...
I'm building up my
strength, okay?
Hey, any chance you want
to build up some breakfast?
I already had lunch.
Yeah? Well, I had a late night.
I know.
- You want a pop-tart?
- Mm-Hm.
Thanks for breakfast.
- Got any plans today?
- My mom's coming over.
I don't want her to be alone.
Okay, that sounds lame.
I mean Luke wants to take me to disco bowling
alley but I'm not really up for it yet.
- Disco bowling?
- Yeah, it's the new big thing at least around here.
Sounds better than
your mom.
Oh, I don't know.
We're gonna open up a bottle of wine
and work on a puzzle
of the Sagrada Familia.
Oh geez, you are still
such a wet blanket.
Hey guys.
- You sleep okay, Maggie?
- Oh yeah. I feel much better.
Hey, got any big plans today?
Yeah, Hannah's mom
is coming over.
We're putting together
Notre Dame.
Sagrada Familia.
Right, Sagrada Familia.
You're welcome to join.
Oh, wow. You know,
as much as I love puzzles,
I think I'm gonna pass.
All right. Your loss.
Oh, hey. What are you up to?
Oh, just checking in
on the puzzle party.
Seems festive.
Are you sure you
don't want to join?
I'm glad to see you, Maggie.
I want you to know
that I'm here for you.
Wow, that's really nice of you May,
but I think I'm gonna be all right.
Your father would be so happy to see us
all together putting together a puzzle.
You haven't even opened the box.
I was speaking about it in a
more family spirit kind of way.
Oh, I'm not sure dad would
want me in his spirit group.
Well, he may not have always
approved of your choices
but he still loved you.
Yeah. Well, I guess he came around
once he got a do-over with Hannah.
Come on, with you he got what he wanted.
Good school, good job,
cookie-cutter house with the
cookie-cutter husband to match.
I mean it really didn't
matter what I did.
That's not fair.
Well, I'm sorry for opening up
my cookie-cutter home to you.
I'm sure she didn't
mean it as an insult.
Of course she did. She just walks around
saying whatever the hell she wants.
Should we get this
puzzle started?
It was just a joke.
Geez. What's
with all the drama?
You are such suburbanite.
Just show some respect for my family
and my home. That's all I ask.
All right.
- Who's ready for a drink?
- Sure, why not.
No. The last thing anyone
needs are drinks.
I think I should go.
Mom, you don't have to go.
That's okay.
- Why don't we all go down to the disco bowling alley?
- Yes.
I think I'll call it a night.
If you need anything,
please call.
Oh. Same with you.
Love you.
Bye, mom.
Uh-oh, naturally
this is my fault.
No one said that.
Sad women and disco
bowling don't mix.
We are all sad.
I feel fine.
Then I don't know what
the hell is wrong with you.
Welcome to disco bowling.
Yeah. Yeah.
Come here. All right.
Come one honey, you
got this. Just bowl it.
You can't root for him.
We're all playing against each other.
He's my husband.
I can be supportive.
Why be supportive of someone who doesn't
have your best interest at heart?
It's just bowling.
For now.
But just wait till he has to go
on a work cruise with Melissa
and it's all about business but
you know what's really going on.
I don't really think that's
applicable in this situation.
Mm, just wait.
It's always the perfect seeming couples
that have the most
skeletons in their closet.
I think you've had enough.
I don't think so, sister.
I'm just telling you like it is.
- Yes!
- Way to go!
Don't mess up, Hannah.
We'd be all so disappointed if you messed up.
I'm being supportive.
I want you to knock
down all of the pins.
I want you to knock
down all the pins and then
marry the best pin and then
have perfect little pin babies.
Stop it, Maggie. Stop it.
Oh, looks like she's not so perfect
after all, ladies and gentlemen.
It's just bowling.
For now.
You think you could do better.
No shit.
Excuse me, just a second.
- Yeah.
- We're gonna need to borrow your lane.
Relax, Rosy Lee.
Thank you.
What are you doing?
This is a bowling duel.
You and me. Get in your lane.
Guys, guys, guys, guys.
Come on guys!
This is a disgrace to the
beautiful game of bowling.
Yes, I win! You're a loser.
I'm not a loser. You're a loser.
You just lost, dude.
You're a loser.
Let's get out of here.
Michael, where
are you going? Wait. What...
- What are you doing here?
- Luke invited us.
Then why are you leaving?
I'm sick of being embarrassed
by my mom, okay.
We're both adults. It shouldn't
happen anymore.
It was just some friendly
competition, that's all.
You were making a scene.
What? Come on, don't leave.
What is that? What...
- What is that?
- I'm sorry, what?
That ring. What's that ring?
Oh, um, we're engaged.
- And you didn't tell me?
- It's a private thing. It just happened.
- When?
- A couple weeks ago.
A couple weeks ago?
I don't believe this.
Mom, I'm sorry, but we just
wanted to keep it quiet,
especially with, you know,
granddad being sick and all.
You're not supposed
to not tell your mother.
I'm supposed to know.
I know, I'm sorry
but now you know.
Hey, can I come in?
I... I just wanted to say I'm sorry
about what happened with Michael.
Did you know he was engaged?
I know things are tough but you
can still fix things with him.
- What the hell do you know about that?
- Excuse me?
You don't know what it's like
to be a mother, how hard it is.
And you do?
Yes, of course I do.
You were never a mother to him.
A mother needs to be around.
They need to be an adult.
Now I'm supposed to take advice from
my little sister about being an adult?
I was married before
you were even born.
- And how'd that go?
- Oh-oh.
I have a life,
a husband, a career.
Right, office work,
such a career.
I'll have you know,
I'm up for a big promotion at my office job.
You don't even know what I do. You've
never asked. You only care about yourself.
Right, I only care about myself
and making you miserable.
You're making yourself miserable. This
train wreck act is getting a little stale.
That's so profound.
Do you want to publish
those thoughts?
I can't keep
feeling sorry for you.
Sorry for me? No.
I should feel sorry for you.
That boring job
and your boring life.
I can do what I want.
I answer to no one.
You know what? You're right, you
seem to have it all figured out.
I should kick her out.
- She is difficult.
- And disrespectful.
But she's family.
I wish my dad were here.
Maybe he could help.
Your dad couldn't help her
even when he was alive.
She was his wild child.
And you were
his perfect princess.
Right, perfect.
Maybe staying with
us will ground her.
Some of the perfect
might rub off on her.
Yeah. Maybe she'll grow up.
Who is that?
That's some crazy old lady.
Oh, that's bad ass. I'm
gonna go dance with her.
- No, you fucking won't.
- Yes.
Well, what are you waiting for?
Can you come with that guy?
Cannot even believe him, he is such a tool.
You dance pretty good.
- What?
- I said you dance pretty good.
It's pretty well.
And you dance pretty mediocre.
Oh, you've got
to be shitting me.
What are you doing?
Going through your
Playgirl stash.
Get out.
Sorry. I used positive
visualization to get in here
and I promise to be more careful
with my powers next time.
Get out.
Okay. Jeez.
I could write better bullshit
than these idiots.
You're right.
...safe zone.
It's a safe zone.
And everyone there is safe.
No, no, no.
And done.
Top that, Hannah.
They make me feel sentimental
but do they bring me joy.
I think the question is whether or not we would
use them. And the answer is definitely not.
But they might bring me joy.
- Is that that Chinese woman again?
- Japanese.
We have really huge houses in America. So,
if you want to keep them, we can find room.
That's true.
It might be too soon to thank them for
their service and send them on their way.
- Well, that's not bringing you pleasure, is it?
- I'm not sure.
I need a break.
Hey, Hannah, come here.
- What?
- You've gotta see this.
I know you guys usually come here to
watch me and my friends play video games
but today I really need to bring
your attention to something.
- And where did you find this?
- Oh, this dude kills the Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare.
Just hold on.
Now, I'm not much of a reader but you guys,
I just read a book that changed my life.
We're in the kitchen.
I Like Me by Doctor
Margaret Schultz.
Holy shit.
Now I know what
you guys are thinking.
Max, you have thousands of subscribers,
why would you need a self-help book?
What are you guys watching?
- Why don't you tell us?
- The truth is
sometimes I just didn't know what
direction I wanted to go in, you know.
It felt like other people were constantly
telling me what I should be doing,
like society or my mom.
- I don't get it.
- But what did I really want?
Doctor Margaret Schultz
helped me figure that out.
Is this video about me?
You see, Doctor Schultz reminded me that
what really matters in my life is me.
I mean, it's my life and this stuff I do,
I'm the one doing it.
My life need a more
positive in me
and the power to say
"I like me" and I am great.
I needed to take control of my life.
And you need to take control of yours.
Don't listen to anyone
besides yourself. But
also listen to me.
Definitely read I Like Me.
- How did this happen? Do you know him?
- So, that's your book?
Well, who else could possibly
be Doctor Margaret Schultz?
You're not even Doctor
Margaret Schultz.
- Am I famous?
- It has two hundred thousand views.
- Oh my God!
- So, you wrote a book?
Yeah! But I didn't think
anyone would read it.
I mean, really shouldn't have underestimated
the power of people's stupidity.
Let me see here.
You were my inspiration.
They love me.
You should read it.
Doctor Margaret Schultz got
her PhD in Social Psychology
from the University
of the Pacific Rim.
I was very affected by that movie.
It taught me a lot about the human psyche.
I can't believe it.
Wow. You believed
all the other garbage.
Maybe you should try some
"positive in me" in your life.
"Dear Doctor Schultz,
I am writing in the hope you can help me.
I recently discovered my wife was
having an affair with our dog walker.
I don't know what to do.
She is the love of my life.
I don't want to lose her although she
says the dog walker is very well hung
and great with our
Shih Tzu. So..." Okay.
"It's not cheating if
there's money involved."
"We would love to have you as a guest to
talk about your inspirational new book."
I have to find a new outfit.
Thank you. The trick
is to believe in yourself.
You know, I think
you can use my book.
- Good morning.
- Hi.
Okay, not so fast.
Just breathe.
I am key to the door of success.
Hello, Hannah.
How are you today?
Oh, I... I was just heading
to the copier.
Is that all?
Well, no. I... I thought while I was on my
way to the copier I would stop in and ask
if you had received my application
for the account director position.
I think all those applications
are still down at HR.
Oh, okay.
Do you know when
you'll be reviewing them?
After HR screen them.
Maybe in a week.
And I'll get through the screen, right?
Because I already work here.
But I'll get through the screen, right?
I mean inside hires are cheaper.
We're looking for the best
candidates, not the cheapest.
Am I the best?
That's really up to Dana. She
handles most of the recruiting.
Well, I do recruiting
but Cheryl does the hiring.
Account Director.
Account Director.
Yes, it's a very important position.
They oversee the handling of accounts.
Like accounting?
No, like companies
we do PR work for.
I think my assistant Finn
is handling that one.
At this point in the process we're just
running candidates through Fonterra.
And where does she sit?
Fonterra Recruitment Pro.
It's a computer program
that screens candidates.
Oh. So, would they even use that for
applicants from within the company?
How else would we know
if they're qualified?
I'm gonna need the living room.
I need the living room.
It's the... the living
room. Just enter it.
Yes, ma'am.
Luke, I thought
you left already.
What are you doing up
before noon?
Very funny, little sister.
I'm sorry, she'll be out of our way in
just a second and then we can begin.
Oh wait.
Yes, I packed you breakfast.
Remember what I always say?
A healthy breakfast
is the start of a positive day.
- You...
- I get it.
Of course.
Thank you.
It was nice to meet you.
Okay. So, your son boinked
your neighbor's wife, right?
What? No. I boinked...
I mean I slept with
the neighbor's wife.
Wow. For a second there I thought we had a
classic Mrs. Robinson situation on our hands.
A what?
You know, from The Graduate.
Well, how did you know
her name was Robinson?
I have that sense.
It's what I do.
You've gotta be kidding me.
- Hey, someone left this book in my office?
- Yep.
That was me. And you, you gotta read it.
It literally changed my life.
- Oh it did, did it?
- Oh yeah.
This Doctor Schultz is a genius.
It's like she can read my mind.
To be honest, I think it can
help you with the promotion.
Well, thank you.
You're welcome.
You know that's my sister.
- No way.
- Oh yeah. well, my half-sister.
Oh my God. Are you guys close?
You could say that.
Wow. I mean, when you see her,
you tell her that she has a fan in me.
I'll have plenty of opportunities.
She lives in my guest room.
- Hey, I'm gonna get some coffee. Do you want any?
- No.
Okay. Relax. Just relax.
Happy place.
Happy place.
Happy place.
No. Screw it.
Sad place.
I feel really good about the
progress that we made today.
That'll be hundred dollars.
- You brought cash, right?
- Well, of course. Of course.
- Bless you.
- Oh, bless you.
So, what... what will you
be having, sweetheart?
Oh. I don't know.
You don't know? If you're gonna sit here,
I think you should drink here.
- Beer.
- Beer.
Could you be a bit
more specific?
No. Wine.
- Wine.
- Definitely wine.
Definitely wine.
- Red.
- Red.
- And cheap.
- Cheap red wine. We got that.
Here you go.
Not you. Hannah.
She's not back from
work yet. What's up?
I sold five hundred thousand
copies of my book.
- Is that good?
- Yeah, I think so.
I mean it's just a book but I mean that's
pretty much everyone that still reads, right?
Yeah, I guess so.
You want to play Call of Duty?
You know what?
Yes. Yes, I do.
Okay. So, left joystick move,
right joystick orientation,
hold down the left trigger to aim and then
right trigger is shoot. Okay? And go.
- What?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do I have to push any of these
pretty buttons over here?
Don't worry about those.
Only if you need to jump.
Shoot him. Shoot.
Shoot that guy right there. Right there.
Terrorist. Terrorist.
Shoot. Shoot. Shoot the terrorist. That's a
terrorist. That is a terrorist. Shoot him.
Oh. Hey.
Maggie just sold five hundred
thousand copies of her book.
Isn't that amazing?
Yes, it's wonderful.
What's her problem?
Must have had a hard day.
She'll be fine.
- Okay, go.
- Oh, wait.
Go, go, go, go, go. Terrorist.
My God.
Welcome back to "Hello Hello." And let's
give a hello, hello, hello to our guest,
life coach and hit author
Doctor Margaret Schultz.
Thank you for having me, Rita.
Let's start off with a burning
question everyone is dying to know.
What is your morning
beauty routine?
Oh, well, that's a very
interesting question.
I would say yoga,
avocado facial mask
and grapefruit.
That's great. That's great.
I am quite the yogini myself. Namaste.
Namastadi indeed.
Now this book, full disclosure,
I am a journalist and all,
I've not finished it yet, but there's
so much buzz around it. Why is that?
I think I'm getting at something that's
really bothering a lot of people.
With so many people in the world,
we're forgetting about ourselves.
Too true.
I was having this
problem myself and
then I realized that all I had to do was
look deep inside myself and realize that
I like me...
And find out why.
And this book is helping
people find out that why.
Wow. That is so inspirational.
Do you have any advice for any young aspiring
writers out there who may be watching today
and saying to themselves,
"How can I be like her?"
Well, yes I do.
Follow the advice in my book
and live your dreams.
No one is stopping you but you.
We are all great.
Just look inside you and realize
how much you love yourself
and spread that love
into the world.
I like me and I am
great and so can you.
Well, that's all the time we have today.
It's been a pleasure.
I Like Me by Doctor Margaret
Schultz available online.
I urge you all to get
your copy today.
Thanks for tonight.
I needed this.
Thank you. Dinner would
not have been as nice alone.
How would I have eaten all that cheese by myself?
You're such a goofball.
I love you.
I love you too.
What is going on?
It's still! Run!
Yo, Doctor Schultz is
the shit at beer bong, man.
Great. Can you please get all of
these people out of my house?
Oh, lighten up. My book sold
five hundred thousand copies.
We're celebrating.
Whoo! Five hundred thousand
books! Books! Books! Books!
Books! Books!
They're already here, right?
We might as well have fun.
God damn it.
Are all you people insane?
Maggie! Maggie! Maggie!
Maggie! Maggie! Maggie!
Hey, you leaving already?
We... we need
more booze.
I'll pay if you give me
a lift somewhere.
I'm... I'm... I'm really glad we
finally got some time alone.
I really... I really like you.
You what?
I... I really like you.
Okay. So, do you think you
could just keep pushing?
- Thanks.
- But... but I... I like you.
Hey, Michael.
Can I help you?
Can you tell Michael
mom is here?
Michael's not here.
Did he move?
No. He's on his honeymoon.
You're his mom?
I'm pretty confident
of the maternity.
Then how come I didn't
see you at the wedding?
I can clean this.
Really? You can clean it up?
You knew about
Michael, didn't you?
Just leave everything to Hannah,
she'll take care of everything?
Listen to me.
You knew he got married?
We knew.
Luke, can you just
give us a minute?
All right.
They told us about
the wedding. it was small.
- They didn't want a big thing.
- How could you do that?
I didn't want to get in the
middle of a private issue.
You didn't want to
get in the middle?
You're supposed to be my sister.
And you're supposed
to be his mother.
- Again, what does that mean?
- You know exactly what I mean.
Oh, fuck this.
Maggie, where are you going?
Come on.
Ma'am, are you alright?
Yes. I'm great.
Well, do you mind getting out?
You're in the middle of my birthday party.
- What are you doing here?
- I need to talk to you.
- Do you want something to drink or anything?
- Nope.
Why don't you have a seat?
Is everything alright?
Yes. Why wouldn't
everything be alright?
You were at Michael's wedding.
Yes, I was.
Of course you were.
You don't look right.
You know, he thinks you're the good guy and
I'm this super villain. But he has no idea.
Are you still at Hannah's?
Yes, but not because
I have to be.
In case you didn't know, I am
a best-selling author now.
- Well, aren't you gonna congratulate me?
- Congratulations.
Doctor Schultz.
I think you should
get some rest.
Well, I'm glad that's
what you think.
You know, I used
to be his favorite.
I was the fun one. You were always
this fuddy-duddy rule follower.
Well, if a fuddy-duddy
rule follower
means that I was around
for my son, I'm okay with that.
I was around.
You were gone for
months at a time...
traveling theater troupes, silent retreats,
poetic explorations, the circus.
Never the circus. And he
could have come with me.
He had school.
I could have homeschooled.
Look, what's done is done.
He turned out great.
He hates me.
He doesn't hate you. He cares about you.
We all care about you.
He's just trying to figure out how to
fit you into his life. That's all.
- Yes?
- Oh my God, you're Doctor Schultz.
Yes, I... I am.
You changed my life.
I never realized how great I
could be until I read your book.
Oh, that makes me really happy.
I've read it so many times.
I wish I had your book with me
so I could get you to sign it.
Oh, that would have been great,
wouldn't it have? Hi sweetie.
Sign me!
Excuse me?
I want your mark on me forever.
You know, the permanent and permanent marker
really doesn't meant... okay, okay. Okay.
Thank you. And bless your soul.
Bless you too.
"When all else fails, look to yourself,
you have all the answers."
"Don't put yourself on a shelf."
"Remember, I like me
and I am great."
God. I'm a fucking genius.
So, the whole thing kind
of blew up in my face.
But what am I supposed to do when my nephew
tells me not to tell his mom about his wedding?
What sort of positive outcome could
I visualize in that situation?
But... but she's still
living with you?
She seems quite
committed to the idea.
I don't think I've ever seen her have such
strong follow through on something before.
Well, she also started
a self-help movement.
Hannah, could I please
see you in my office?
Yes, of course.
All right.
I wanted you to be the first to
know that you didn't get the job.
Did... didn't... didn't
get the job?
Did not. I'm very sorry.
But why? I... I... I've been here five years,
I'm a leader, I'm... I'm qualified.
That's all true but there was
someone more qualified.
- Who? An outside hire?
- Jermaine.
- Jermaine?
- Yes.
I'm very sorry about this.
I really look forward to seeing all the great
work you continue to do in your current capacity.
Now if you could please leave.
Thank you. Hey, I'm
pretty sure it was close.
Close doesn't cut it.
Look, I know you may
not be her biggest fan
but to be honest, I feel like you
should read your sister's book.
I don't think I would have gotten the
job without it. Maybe it can help you.
I like me and I am great.
I like me and I am great.
I like me and I am great.
Step two, jogging.
Hi. Want to join me?
Doing what?
- You jog?
- Of course. It's in my book.
Healthy living and eating clean.
- What does eating clean mean?
- Wash your hands?
Hey, how was work?
I didn't get the promotion.
My bowling team
didn't make the playoffs.
- What?
- Well, technically we were disqualified
because as it turns out Ronnie was
taking performance-enhancing drugs.
But it's like should we all get punished
because of Ronnie's Napoleon complex?
Luke, what about my thing?
What thing?
Oh, yeah, that really sucks.
But you're young.
You still have time
to work your way up.
Yeah, but it's still really disappointing.
I wanted to move on to something new.
For sure.
I'm gonna go to bed.
- You want to get something to eat?
- No.
Your best is you.
Not you encumbered by other
people or them but just pure you.
When you are in a tough
situation, ask yourself
What would you do in this situation
if you were on a deserted island
with just yourself
and that situation?
Ten minutes. Nice.
You will be in full control
of your "positive in me".
Do you feel the coldness
In your stomach turn to warmth
And you run of out of tears
Well I saw you
Around the spinning car
It makes me feel miserable
So is the feeling
- Yeah!
- Yeah, right!
It's not the way
You want it to be
Wonderful. See? And
what about you?
- This really works.
- Yeah!
- Are you sure?
- Hope so because this sucks.
Talking to come.
- What?
- I'm not totally clueless.
It's marriage, right?
Ups and downs.
You should come
to one of my meetings.
Think about it.
It's not as bad as it seems.
Jesus Christ.
Welcome. Everyone,
welcome Hannah.
Welcome, Hannah.
Why don't you come in
and have a seat?
Now, why don't you tell us what's
causing you anxiety today?
Well, um,
my dad died recently
and I was passed over
for this promotion at work and
I feel a little unappreciated
at home.
Could it be that you don't
appreciate yourself enough?
No, I don't think that's it.
It sounds to me like you're not
thinking about what makes you great.
And that's what's leading
to these struggles.
Hannah, repeat after me.
Please make eye contact with me.
I like me and I am great.
I like me and I am great.
Well, I didn't really
believe that.
Should we show her
how it's done, everyone?
I like me and I am great.
I like me and I am great.
I like me and I am great.
One more time.
I like me and I am great.
Keep it going.
I like me and I am great.
I like me and I am great!
I like me and I am great!
Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.
Shut up. Shut up!
Hannah, we try to only use positive
words in this environment.
Oh, shove it up
your ass, Maggie.
Now, I know you're upset.
Why don't we try and rephrase
that in a more positive manner?
You're all so full of shit.
I mean, you all look up
to her and worship her.
You know why?
Because you're all worthless.
You... you haven't accomplished shit in your
lives and now you think maybe this will work.
Well guess what?
That's not how life is!
Why don't we just
sit down and relax?
No, no, no, I will not relax.
You... you... you... you cannot wish or...
or love anything into existence.
The world is not your playground.
No one gives a shit about you,
not your family, not your friends,
and certainly not Doctor Schultz.
When we're gone,
our time on this earth
will have been useless
and will all be forgotten!
I think we need to try and refrain from taking
your anger out on these wonderful people.
I'll take my anger out
wherever I see fit.
I like me and I am great.
I like me and I am great.
I like me and I am great.
I like me and I am great.
- I like me and I am great.
- Just...
- Christ!
- I like me and I am great.
I like me
and I am great.
I like me and I am great...
Seems like everything
I was told was just a lie
I've done it all by the book
And found no happiness inside
Am I the only one
Or does Everyone
Feel like me
I'm checking off my list
But it seems there's something
That I've missed
I've got the house The husband,
a life That should be bliss
I've got it all
But I still feel like
Well, shit
What's that all about?
What is happy?
What's it all mean?
I've done all the work
But she gets everything
Happy is not what
I thought it'd be
I'll bet she's never
Had a plan
While mine is crystal clear
She never seemed to grow up
I mean she still
Shotguns beer
I'm so confused
I just don't understand
What is happy
I thought I had it all
She made all the
Wrong decisions
But I took the fall
Happy is not what
I thought it'd be
What is happy?
What's it all mean?
What's it all mean?
What is happy?
I thought I had it all
I thought I had it all
I'm gonna kick her out.
Hi. I'm gonna pick you up at
work and take you out to dinner.
Oh, whatever.
I'm rich now.
After the many months of
working with the monks in Tibet,
I found what really works
is focusing on everything
that is good about ourselves.
Only then could you then spread
that goodness out into the world.
That is truly inspirational.
Why did you go to Tibet?
Was there something you
were trying to deal with?
No, nothing that I was
personally dealing with.
It was more of a search for spiritual
truth on behalf of my clients.
Max, have you been studying for
your geometry test on Monday?
Mom, we're recording.
Oh, oh, you're recording.
I thought you said you were contorting
- and I got a bit worried.
- Mom, please.
Sorry. I'll get
out of your hair.
Um, I was about to make some
grilled cheese for lunch.
- Would your friend like some?
- Oh, I'd love some.
Okay, I've got white or wheat bread...
well, actually it's potato and wheat bread.
- Is potato considered white?
- Mom, we're busy.
Wheat would be great.
She can be so annoying
It's okay. I'm a daughter
of a mother. I understand.
Sometimes she would
just leave, you know.
Right. I mean,
wouldn't it be great
if she went like on a three-month she went
like on a three-month poetry slam tour?
No, it's just the saying, she
couldn't actually leave. I mean,
who'd make my lunch
or do my laundry?
Well, you could go with her,
wouldn't that be exciting?
What about school?
What is with you people
and school?
I'm fifteen, I don't
want to be a truant.
Anyway, let's get back on topic.
So, your life was perfect
but you went to Tibet
to help your clients?
maybe it wasn't
all about my clients.
I might have needed some
help from the monks too.
Maybe I needed the monks
to help me better myself.
But I thought that the me that
we are is the best me we can be.
I gotta go.
But what about lunch?
Christ what? What is-
...what is wrong?
Could I come in for a moment?
Um, sure, fine.
You can sit there.
- Thank you.
- Mm-Hm.
I heard you visited dad.
I know we haven't always
seen eye-to-eye
but I think it's important
to keep him in my life.
Have you read my book yet?
No. I've been busy, I'm sorry.
Not a problem.
I happen to have
a copy right here.
You know once you read the book,
you'll see the error of your ways.
The error of my ways?
Not including me
in your wedding.
Oh, right.
I wanted to talk to you about that.
You see, the reason why you...
You'll see in the book that it all comes
down to you not liking yourself enough.
And if you could admit
that you like you,
then you could have spread that
acceptance out into the world to me and
would have invited me to come.
Actually, that's not
the reason why.
This whole wedding business is you
expressing your "negative in me"
instead of your
"positive in me."
It really is a common mistake with
those who aren't my followers.
Could you please just stop for
just a second? I want to talk...
But once you read the book and
come to a few of my meetings,
you'll realize that
you were wrong all along.
I mean you'll
learn to like yourself
and realize that you're
great and I'm great too.
See, this is... this is why.
- Huh?
- This is why I didn't invite you.
Because you always
make it about yourself.
I don't see how this
is about me at all.
Well, then you need
to be more self aware.
I wrote the book
on being self aware.
I don't see how you get off
saying this is about me at all.
This has always
been about you.
Driving you to school,
making you dinner,
wiping your ass when you
shit yourself as a baby.
That's what parents
are supposed to do.
And then I would offer to make you
and your friends grilled cheese
and you wouldn't even thank me.
When did that ever happen?
Well, you know what?
I don't care what you think.
I like me and I am great.
This has nothing to do
with not liking you.
- Hey.
- Hey.
What are you up to?
I've got something
for you to do.
I can't do anything.
I'm terrible at everything.
You know that's not true.
What do you want from me?
I want you to talk to Maggie.
What? No. Why?
She was just over at Michael's
and he said she was really upset.
That's her own damn fault.
I'm not gonna let her ruin my life anymore.
And how has she
ruined your life?
- She gave Jermaine confidence.
- Mm.
- She attacked me with an army of her minions.
- Mmm.
And she probably
gave my dad cancer.
That's ridiculous.
Well, stress can do a lot
of damage to a person.
You should talk to her.
You're calm, you're kind and you're
really the only person she has left now.
Yeah, maybe.
Hi. I'd like to see if I can
sell any of these books.
All right. Let me take a look.
All right. Looks like this
is the only one we'll take.
- Really just... just the one?
- Yeah.
You'd be surprised how many people come
in to offload their self-help books
when they realize there's nothing
they can do with their sad lives.
Or maybe they were just so successful
they didn't need them anymore.
Right. That could be it.
I'm like perfectly happy, so don't go
waving around your generalizations at me.
I'm doing so great that I know
I'll never need these books again,
so you can just have them all.
Well, we really only want the one, ma'am.
So, would that be cash or store credit?
Oh, hey, you're Doctor
Margret Schultz's sister, right?
Yes. And... and you are?
I'm a friend first and a client.
It may be something more
someday if she lets me.
Um, okay.
Is she alright? I haven't
seen her in a while.
Oh, I don't know, she doesn't
live with me anymore.
Well, next time you see her, could...
could you tell her to call me?
Our meetings have really been helping
me get in touch with my inner self.
I'll be sure to mention it.
Thank you so much.
You know I can see the path, I'm just
having trouble clearing out the weeds.
- Sure.
- Yeah.
Sweet, all right.
An apple pie?
You think I need a fucking apple pie?
You're so useless.
Oh shit.
What would he think?
No wonder he left us.
No go away, I don't
want any room service.
Get out of my way.
It's Hannah.
Can you please open the door?
I'll be nice. I promise.
you just be more like...
You doing some early
spring cleaning?
Are you in...
What happened here?
Negative in me.
I found this in my desk.
Yeah? What is
that? What are you doing?
Oh, come on.
You wore at that Halloween. Would you like...
Is that you?
You know, you're at the mall.
Had to have that even though...
I did a TV pilot a
couple of years ago.
Wow, that's impressive.
I mean it was never really
officially picked up by a network
and we had to stop
halfway through because the...
the main backer, well, he
got arrested for racketeering.
But I really thought it
had some potential.
Are you here to yell at me?
No, I'm here because
Luke told me to come.
But also because I ran into
some frat bro at a bookstore
and he said you're good at
clearing the weeds from the past.
Like yard work?
No, like life advice.
I don't think I'm really qualified
to give anybody life advice.
I'll take anything
I can get at this point.
Uh, girlfriend,
I think I am all out of mantras.
Hey, why don't you consult one
of those stupid books of yours?
I sold them all.
Well, I tried to but the bookstore
didn't want most of them.
But I'm definitely planning
on getting rid of them soon.
Do you still have them
with you now?
Okay. So, can I give
you a bit of advice?
Always aim for the
biggest payoff.
Is that your new mantra?
Huh, I don't know.
I guess it could be.
So, do you think I can move back in
with you just for a little while?
I thought you were
a self-made millionaire.
Well, it seems that online publishing is not
the goldmine that most people think it is.
Sure. I guess.
Thank you.
But you're gonna have to do
some of the household chores.
You've got to earn your
keep in this sisterhood.
Oh Jesus. We're not gonna
have to sit in the Red Tent too?
Okay, deal.
I saved you a pair of sevens.
Oh, thank you.
Welcome. You need all the
help you can in this game.
The least I can do is give you
a properly sized pair of shoes.
That was for you.
That was pretty...
All my life I was waiting
For someone
Was waiting
For someone to love
Someone to love
Hey, guys, I'll be
back in a second.
Someone to love
Next one is for you.
Hey, better luck
next time, guys.
It's not fair. You're
practically a professional.
- Hey, has mom come back yet?
- Um, I don't think so.
I think I found a clue.
"Hannah, thank you for all you've
done for me over the past months,
namely letting me
live in your home.
That was very sisterly of you.
And because you are my
sister, I hope I can entrust you
with letting everyone know
that I'm off to lead a therapeutic
water polo retreat in Santa Cruz."
"After watching so much bowling,
I really think I can help people sort out
their problems through physical aggression.
Also, if you could let my boss know, I will
be absent for a while, that would be great.
Hugs, Maggie."
Well, what did we expect?
I guess I thought she'd changed.
At least she left a note, right?
You guys wanna bowl
another round?
- Yeah.
- Sure.
All right.
Is my imagination
Ever reading too much
To the glance
'Cause I feel
The real connection
Through this
Fogged up safety mask
There's a vial on the table
That I've never seen before
No chance to read the label
Before it shatters
On the floor
Shatters on the floor
Are you the fever
that I'm feeling
It's getting harder
To ignore
The way my heart is beating
Like something to believe in
How can I be sure
Sirens want a complex
Screaming this is not true
Locked down in isolation
Looks like we got
Some time to kill
We got some time to kill
Are you the fever
That I'm feeling
It's getting harder
To ignore
The way my heart is beating
Like something to believe in
How can I be sure
Are you the fever
That I'm feeling
Getting harder to ignore
The way my heart is beating
Like something to believe in
How can I be sure
Are you the fever
That I'm feeling
It's getting harder
To ignore
The way my heart is beating
Like something to believe in
How can I be sure
Are you the fever
How can I be sure
Are you the virus
Virus or the cure
The way my heart is beating
Like something to believe in
How can I be sure