I.Q. (1994) Movie Script

First, you should find out what
is the essential nature of the universe.
Is the universe an inherently
irrational place, random and chaotic?
Chipmunk, your spoon.
Your spoon, it's on the floor.
- Are you ready to order?
- Yes, the usual, please.
No, I'll have a cup of coffee
and a corn muffin, please.
Darling, that is your usual.
- Well, I'll have that, then, thank you.
- OK.
- Aha!
- What?
It loses 11,000 molecules
per square centimetre, per second.
- What does?
- The comet.
Now, which one of these
do you like best?
- Is this a personality test?
- It's a sort of surprise.
- They're all the same.
- No, look...
That's aquamarine,
that's blue-green and that's algae.
At the atomic level,
there's no such thing as colour.
Though they did do that study
in Belgium, or was it Denmark...
- Babbling.
- Babbling!
The point was... What was the point?
Since protons are so much smaller
than light waves...
Algae, thank you.
Since protons are smaller
than light waves,
how could they ever see it to begin with?
Oh, James!
Or is there a fundamental order
underlying all things?
Hey, Captain Marvel. Shazam!
Thanks. I was just reading
about Boyd's Comet.
- Boyd's what?
- Comet, like in the sky.
It's gonna be here soon.
We'll be able to see it.
Know why a comet's tail
always points away from the sun?
- Wanna know?
- No.
It's not a tail at all.
It's bits of gas that the sun lights up.
We earthlings
will keep that in mind.
Kinda like a 500-mile-long Jersey torch.
It must be true!
The fact remains that certain events
are strictly accidental.
What fact?
Oh, my! Look at the time.
No problem.
It's because it's spring. Everything
goes through upheaval in the spring.
Come on, you little bitch!
- Sounds like business.
- MG TF Roadster.
- Austin Healey.
- Cadillac Coupe.
- Buck.
- You're on.
- Intake valve.
- Distributor cap.
Busted muffler.
Are we all victims
of some comic cosmic accident,
or is there a grand design?
Oh, what luck!
- TC Roadster.
- That's a TF.
Looks like a couple of college swells.
You handle them, Ed.
Hi. What seems to be the problem?
Do you deal with British automobiles?
I don't want anyone just poking around
with a sharp stick.
All right if I look under the bonnet?
Well, at least he called it a bonnet.
So, that's the engine, huh?
I think we ought to go somewhere else.
- Intake valve, I'm telling you.
- Busted muffler.
That's your problem.
- You got no spark.
- What?
- You have no spark.
- Yes, I heard him.
But what does it mean?
Is it the generator, the coil?
It's hard to say. You have a Lucas type
four generator on a 12-volt system.
The British would rather
glue wood onto a dashboard
than get the electrical system right.
But what is wrong with the car?
My guess is that your stroke is too short
and you're getting premature ignition.
- Does it ever feel that way?
- Like what?
Like the stroke is too short
and you're getting premature ignition.
I'm sure I don't know what you mean.
Could you fix it temporarily?
We're behind schedule.
I'll check with my boss. Don't go away.
- He seems nice enough.
- He's a troglodyte!
- Intake valve?
- Busted muffler?
- I'm gonna marry her.
- Who, the dame? That was fast.
- The car?
- Distributor cap.
I looked at her, she looked at me and...
It happened. You could feel it.
- Like death, but in a good way.
- He's screwy.
Pop! Pop, pop, pop! It was electric!
And then... Then I kissed her.
- You kissed a customer? When?
- In the future.
It was weird, like time and space
got mixed up. Like a Martian mind-meld.
- He's crackin' up.
- Stay away from the magazines.
No, you don't understand... The past,
present and future all went together.
I had kids with her, I could see the kids!
Two boys... No, three boys...
Excuse me! How long will all this take?
Well, that's up to you.
- It is?
- The car, you nut.
- The car... A few days.
- That long?
I'm gonna have to give it
my full attention.
Well, I'd better call a phone.
Can I use your cab?
There's a cab in the office.
But the uncertainty principle postulates
a universe of chaos, where
everything happens merely by chance.
Thank you.
- Well?
- We'll take care of it.
Hello, I need a taxi...
Catherine Boyd, B-O-Y-D.
What? Oh... What's the address here?
- 130 Broad.
- 130 Broad.
First stop is the Silas Paine Institute,
then 112 Mercer.
- Your address?
- 112 Mercer.
Two minutes! Thank you. Bye.
Well... It was Belgium.
- It was? What was?
- A study.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- I don't want you to worry...
- James! The taxi's coming.
- Well done, honey...
- Belgium.
- Two days, three at the most?
- We'll call you.
I, for one, will never believe
that God plays dice
with the universe.
- We're wasting time! Serve already!
- That's ridiculous!
How can you waste something
that doesn't exist?
Time doesn't exist? Since when?
I wouldn't know. If time doesn't exist,
then there is no "when".
You hear, Liebknecht?
Another crazy theory.
Then tell me the correct time, now.
You see, you can't.
Because as you're telling me,
the future has become the past,
therefore there is no present,
therefore time doesn't exist!
Now your racket doesn't exist.
- Oh.
- Yes?
- You're Albert Einstein.
- Thank you.
- Wow! May I say what a great fan I am?
- Thank you.
What you wrote about light being bent
by gravitation, the relativity thing...
That is... jivin'!
- I'm still trying to figure it out.
- Me too.
- Can I help you, Mr...
- Walters, Ed Walters.
I'm looking for Catherine Boyd.
I must have the wrong address.
- Catherine is my niece.
- She's your niece?
- I can't have a niece?
- That would make you her uncle.
- It works nicely, doesn't it?
- Wow!
I found this watch of hers
at my garage, and...
Thank you. I see that she gets it.
I was hoping to return it
to her personally.
Let's just say it would be
beneficial to her future.
Perhaps you'd better
come in, Mr Walters.
May I present Boris Podolsky,
Kurt Gdel, Nathan Liebknecht?
Three of the greatest minds
of the 20th century,
and amongst them
they can't change a light bulb.
- Edward, is it?
- Yes.
Edward has come
to pay a call on Catherine.
- Good...
- Nice, very nice...
- I could fix this for you.
- Oh, very nice.
Very nice. Thank you very much.
This is my compass.
This is what got me started in my work.
So, young man.
Do you think time exists?
I was just reading about it
in Future Science magazine.
- Tell us.
- There are these twins...
One takes a journey in a spacecraft,
at the speed of light,
and the other one stays on earth.
The twin that travels into space
comes back years later, and he's young.
And the one who stayed on earth,
by this time, is very old.
So, which one do you think is happier?
- The young one.
- Ja.
- No, the one that stayed behind.
- Why?
Because he's had a full life,
he's had experiences in love and pain.
He has a family and friends.
And the one who left, well...
- Time has just passed.
- Ja. This is good, no?
Tell us, what is your field of expertise?
My job? I'm an auto mechanic.
"See the USA in your Chevrolet", huh?
- What do you know about gravity?
- Gravity?
- Ja.
- We have a little gravity problem.
- Please be careful, Edward.
- Take it easy.
- What do you think of our Catherine?
- She's wonderful.
- Wonderful to the power of three.
- To the power of ten.
- We all love her.
- She's engaged, you know.
I know, I saw the ring.
He's a professor of experimental
psychology, James...
- Morland.
- The Rat Man.
You know what he does? He puts
electrodes on the genitals of the rats.
Some day I do that for him.
We threw the racket up
to get the birdie.
We threw Gdel's cane up there
to get the racket.
I threw Podolsky's golf club up there
to get even with him.
We're going to throw Gdel
up there next.
- It's a vicious tree.
- Edward...
What makes you think
she would be better off with you?
- I don't know. Just a feeling.
- A feeling? What kind of feeling?
It's crazy.
That's all right, you can tell us.
We are all a little crazy.
When she came in the garage,
it was like everything slowed down,
and got...
...very clear.
It's like when you mill a camshaft,
or grind the curve on a fender.
As you do it, you know
everything's gonna work out perfect.
Everything's gonna fit, you know?
- Do you ever have that feeling?
- Ja. One time in 1905.
Watch out!
Mr Walters. Are you all right?
That gravity, it's a killer.
Mr Bamberger, I don't know
what you think I can do.
I'm finishing my thesis. I do some
administrative work for my uncle, but...
He adores you, they all do.
They'll listen to you.
Sit here. Get the full effect, please.
I founded the Institute for Advanced
Study as a place for pure thought.
But the symposium next week,
it's our last chance.
My accountants are all over me.
Sit a little closer.
Tell your uncle we need something.
A new invention.
Something that can be bought here,
made here, launched from here.
It's important for the Institute.
Stereo high fidelity.
Spike Jones!
Move a little closer.
- It sounds like you could touch him.
- Or slap him.
You were attracted to the earth
at 32 feet per second per second.
I believe it.
Such a beautiful day!
Come. We'll find Catherine
and you give her the watch.
Look at this!
You know, when I was a patent clerk
in Switzerland,
I wondered how the universe would look
if I was travelling at the speed of light,
on a motorcycle.
- Hello, Mr Einstein!
- How you doin', Doc?
Good, very good.
I always wanted a convertible.
- Edward!
- What?
- Faster!
- OK. Hang on, Doc!
Please...! Help!
- James.
- Professor!
- Is Catherine here?
- No. But I'm glad you've come...
Dr Morland...!
- Shouldn't somebody help him?
- It's a time deprivation experiment.
Go on, have a look. He can't see you.
This is right out of Martians
Ate My Brain. Ever read that?
- Don't I know you?
- Ed and I are working on something.
- Really? What?
- Attraction at a distance.
Shall we have a look at the...?
Please, don't touch anything, will you?
...the mice I was talking about,
just round here.
The mouse has learnt that the red lever
gives him an electrical stimulus
akin to sexual climax,
and the blue lever dispenses food.
Now, this one here
hasn't eaten for three days.
There. Now, why would he do that?
Excuse me a moment.
Gretchen, could you...?
This is curious.
- That fellow calmed down so quickly.
- Yeah, it's funny.
Where's your watch?
You were wearing a wristwatch.
I figured, since time doesn't exist,
who needs a watch?
That was ausgezeichnet.
Thank you.
- You're very welcome.
- Next time, I bring my goggles.
All right, Doc.
Ah, Catherine!
- The garage.
- He's quite a guy, your uncle.
- Yes, he... Do you know him?
- I get around.
Did you take him on that thing?
You took Albert Einstein
for a ride on a motorcycle?
- Don't ever do it again.
- Why not?
- He could've been killed.
- He loved it. He went "Wahoo!"
- "Wahoo!"?
- When did he last go "Wahoo!"?
- I'm sure I don't know.
- When did you last go "Wahoo!"?
- I'm sure I don't know.
- Want a lift?
On that?
No... No... No.
"Come on, what could happen?
So you die a little."
- Help me out, I'm nervous.
- Really? Why?
I'm trying to figure out
the best way to ask you to dinner.
- Mr...
- Walters. Ed.
Right. I'm sure you're a very nice person.
And I'm happy my automotive safety
is in your large, very capable hands.
But I really should be going that way so...
- Then dinner's out of the question?
- Yeah.
So I should give you this.
- You found it.
- You left it.
- You fixed it.
- I polished it.
- And I tightened the screws.
- I can feel that.
It's very pretty.
It was my father's. I thought I'd lost it.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- I'm sorry if I was abrupt before.
- No problem.
- Astonishing.
- An unmistakeable chemical reaction.
- What?
- Marlon Brando!
Maybe not.
So, James... Where is it to be?
- Where's what to be?
- The honeymoon.
What have you two
lovebirds decided on?
We haven't really discussed it much.
I was thinking of the Ituri Forest
in the Belgian Congo.
There's a pygmy village,
near the Mbuti settlement.
It's fascinating.
A sort of complete pygmy package.
A hospitality hut, wild boar roast,
you wash in the river, tribal rituals...
It's like being one of the tribe really.
It's the opportunity of a lifetime.
I was thinking more along the lines
of a million kisses on your skin.
I beg your pardon?
On Maui, they have these natural slides
formed from volcanic eruptions
of obsidian.
You climb up and slide down into
what they call the Seven Sacred Pools.
And the water is so aerated,
it feels like a million kisses on your skin,
or like an enormous tongue
just licking your entire body.
Dean, do you remember...
Obsidian slides
and great licking tongues?
I mean, he's the head
of the whole department!
James, how would you like
a million kisses on your skin?
What if we have our own
primitive ritual, right here?
Have you gone mad?
What are you doing?
You don't love me.
Because I won't make love to you
in the middle of a dinner party?
How can you say such a thing?
You know I love you more than anything.
- You're my little munchkin.
- I don't know. Am I?
Of course you are.
My little munchy munchkin.
Look, I wasn't going to
tell you this till later.
- But remember the surprise?
- No.
- The colour cards?
- Yes.
After our honeymoon,
we'll have a home to come home to.
In Stanford.
Full professor,
Department of Applied Psychology.
It comes with its own
little munchkin nest,
and you've already picked out the colour.
Algae. This is a colour?
- And room for the children.
- Children?
James says three years apart
is best for their mental development.
- What about your mental development?
- What?
- Your research.
- I don't know.
I wonder if I wouldn't be a better mother
than a mechanic. Mathematician.
Catherine, when your father
asked me to care for you,
I tried to tell him that the things I know
are not very useful in the real world.
That's why I'm so lucky
that I have James.
We have common goals and interests.
He's brilliant, organised, a planner.
I find him very stimulating,
- But what about love, Catherine?
- What?
When does this all happen,
this wonderful, organised life?
In September.
They say Stanford is beautiful in the fall.
This is the happiest day of my entire life.
Don't worry, Liebchen. It will work out.
Versprichst du's mir?
Ich versprech's dir.
I promise.
I'm crazy about this song.
Get him! What are you,
Podolsky, a hep-cat?
No, I'm an American.
- What is it, Mr Hep-Cat American?
- I know, it's...
Look out!
Learn to drive! People should pass a test
before they're allowed to drive.
You have to pass the test.
How else could you get a licence?
- A licence.
- It's "Tutti frutti, oh rootie".
- Quiet!
- What is wrong with you, Albert?
Catherine... She should
be having more fun.
She needs a young man.
She should go out, go dancing.
- A little shtupping...
- Come on, Nathan, please!
She thinks shtupping
is a town in Bavaria.
Where are you taking us, Albert?
Well, boys, how would you
like to have a convertible?
- Edward!
- Edward!
Oh, beautiful!
- It's very nice upholstery.
- You're Albert Einstein!
- E=mc!
- I hope so!
- This comes from the factory like this?
- No, no, it's all custom.
I can't believe it, in my garage!
This is Professor Einstein,
the smartest person in the world.
How they hangin'?
- Edward!
- Hey, Doc.
Edward, there it is. What do you think?
- It is possible?
- Anything's possible.
- He wants to turn that into this.
- Convertible.
No problem. You want the full treatment?
Ja, the whole ball of wax.
Podolsky, stop that!
OK, so we chop the top,
we modify the nose and deck.
- Fill in block.
- French tuck and roll inside.
- Dago the front?
- Just a touch.
Quad barrels for the mill. Master kit.
Hot coil. Stinger exhaust.
High-nickel chrome.
- Sound good?
- Like Mozart.
I recall here is an ice-cream parlour.
Come, we get a scoop.
- Doc, it's this way. It's all right?
- Yeah, go!
- Thank you very much.
- Sure.
When I first arrived here in 1933,
I bought one of these, triple scoop.
- What flavour?
- Peppermint.
You see, this is a good question.
"What flavour?"
Simple, specific and it has an answer.
You read a lot of science fiction.
Tell me, do you think
they'll ever find intelligent life
anywhere in the universe?
Still looking for intelligent life
here on earth.
Catherine is a brilliant mathematician,
but she lacks confidence.
She thinks her contribution to the world
will be through her children.
She has this crazy idea
that if she marries an intellectual,
she will have genius children,
or something like that.
- Catherine's too smart for that.
- She's too smart here.
But not here. What she needs
is to go out with someone like you.
The problem is, she would never
go out with someone like you.
That's easy. Just lend me your brain
for a couple of days.
- What?
- Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
What would be the odds
of that happening?
- It's still not right.
- He doesn't look like a scientist.
- So, what's the plan, Doc?
- Here, try this.
The plan is we talk science,
we have something to eat,
we drink some schnapps
and talk about life.
- It's too fashionable.
- Ja, here.
- Take the leather coat.
- Wait.
Nathan, your cardigan.
What do I do if she asks me a question?
If she asks you a question,
you pretend to smoke a pipe.
And then you say, "Interesting concept."
- Don't worry.
- We'll change the subject.
- Change the subject?
- You know, like in football.
We'll run in defence.
And now... This is a tie.
This will hold up your pants.
- Good, huh?
- Ja, good.
He looks like a French Impressionist.
The energy of a nuclear configuration
is given by the expectation value
of the nuclear Hamiltonian in a state
with N neutrons and P protons...
Fusion will occur if the energy
of the fused state is lower
than the energy
of the two separate nuclei.
Our task is to see if the dynamics
dictated by the interaction Hamiltonian
generates a reaction to make cold
fusion-powered engines feasible.
- Good.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- Hello, Liebchen.
So, we have here, E over C squared...
It's E squared. Minus E squared over B,
minus V of X.
- D of X, or V of X?
- V as in very.
- What's going on?
- Edward has been holding out on us.
In addition to being
a very fine automotive mechanic,
he is also, in physics,
something of a wunderkind.
- Wunderkind.
- Wunderkind!
I had this idea. I read about the doc.
We worked on it together...
- And everybody thought it wasn't so bad.
- Wasn't so bad!
- It was astonishing!
- Very innovative.
Do I get to hear what it is?
I figured out how to build
a nuclear-powered spacecraft engine.
- A fusion engine.
- A what?
We're gonna bottle
the process that fuels the stars.
Cold fusion, it's mind-boggling.
- He's a mechanic.
- I was a clerk, in a patent office.
Faraday was a carpenter. Isaac Newton
was an insurance salesman.
- Fusion.
- Fusion.
Really? What are you wearing?
What difference does it make
what he is wearing?
A nuclear-powered spacecraft.
- That's perfect for New Jersey.
- New Jersey?
The symposium. Do you have a paper?
- Paper?
- No, no... Not ready.
- We must check the spelling.
- Very important.
- We could have it ready.
- You could?
- Sure... Couldn't we?
- Ja, we could.
- When is the symposium?
- April 1st.
- Five days.
- That's not a problem.
This is great! Bamberger will be thrilled.
I am very grateful. It's just so...
...huge, really.
Isaac Newton was not
an insurance salesman.
Boys, our little experiment
has just jumped to a higher energy level.
Minus Y to X plus one...
Over X.
Minus Y to the X plus Y...
Minus Y to the X...
- What language is that, Martian?
- Wait...
- You're not changing anything?
- No.
- What's all that?
- Nothin'.
Right. Grab your scalpel. Let's operate.
I don't believe it! Einstein's car!
We do this right, Eddie-boy,
we'll have a whole new clientele!
Welcome to the First International
Physics Symposium
designed to bring together
the very best minds...
It's time, Edward.
This is the largest gathering
of the scientific...
- I can't do this.
- Why? Because you're sick with fear?
Ninety-nine per cent of the world
wakes up like this every morning.
Every morning!
Edward, just remember
why you are doing this.
- She's not here.
- He's never shown normal intelligence.
- Think of that, nuclear fusion!
- These things happen.
Idiot savants,
a mental patient plays chess,
a nine-year-old from Alabama
spouts iambic pentameters...
It's packed!
To open our programme,
here with his paper entitled,
"Cold Fusion-Powered
Exploration Paradigms",
is our very own Edward Walters.
Edward Walters.
Doctor Walters...
- Are you all right, Doctor Walters?
- Ed.
No, no, it's P squared over N,
not N squared over P...
They forgot to transpose the Q value!
... she marries a genius,
she'll have genius children.
- Do something, Nathan.
- I am, but it's not helpful, or pleasant.
- A nuclear-powered spacecraft!
- Time, Edward...
Distinguished colleagues,
honoured guests...
Edward, just remember
why you are doing this.
Any journey in life,
if not done for human reasons
with understanding and love...
This is not the paper we wrote.
- Shhh! Listen!
...would be empty and lonely.
And look!
It's something worth remembering,
as nuclear-powered spacecraft may soon
make the ancient dream of travelling
to the edge of the universe and back
a reality.
The source of that power
is the very source
that fuels the stars themselves
and in doing so fuels
our imagination and our dreams.
Let us suppose
that V of X is a standard
barrier penetration potential...
...and that psi
is a nucleon wave function.
Then as usual, minus IH bar D psi...
...DT equals minus D squared...
...psi DX squared plus V of X.
What a circus! The scientific
nonsense was mind-numbing.
What was that mush about the heart?
You don't understand,
you're not a physicist.
Well, neither was he until recently.
Did you see the grease under his nails?
- To genius.
- To fusion.
To the heart.
So you never went to college?
I barely finished school,
I was always taking cars apart.
Yet you have
an amazing grasp of theory.
I believe you used de Broglie's formula
for the pilot wave.
Of course, it was brilliant.
Couldn't have done without it.
I forgot that.
Could you remind me?
Yeah, sure...
X equals...
...one plus...
X equals one plus W...
...over pi.
Right... Can you invert that?
Where is he?
Where is that beautiful boy?
- Rocket ships. Zoom!
- Zoom!
- Home run, Catherine!
- Thank you, sir.
Ed Walters, I present Louis Bamberger.
If you had a nickel
for every nickel he has,
you would have a lot of nickels.
An honour and a pleasure, sir.
New Jersey, leader in intergalactic
rocket exploration.
- How's that sound for a licence plate?
- Long.
Sense of humour! I love this boy.
May I steal my niece
for one minute, please?
- We were just about to leave.
- Just one minute. I need some air.
James! How's the rat business?
Well, it's really students
I'm experimenting on now.
My God, the mazes must be enormous!
Green, black, red... Look at that!
It's like having four pens in one.
What an exciting time to be alive!
Louis! We need to have a talk.
This is going to be something
I understand, isn't it?
Yes, but you see...
That's better... Look, Catherine...
Look at the stars, look at the sky,
look at... Edward!
We were just talking about the stars.
Well, enough breathing...
What a night!
I haven't seen a sky like this
since I was a kid, at Stargazer's Field.
How many stars
do you think are up there?
- Ten to the twelfth, plus one.
- You don't have to say that.
No, really. Everybody is quite impressed.
Know why a comet's tail
points away from the sun?
- Yes.
- Me too.
My grandma used to tell me that stars
are where a woodpecker
pecked holes in the sky.
- She wasn't very scientific.
- My father didn't really see stars.
He said he saw
"great seas of fire and nuclear furnaces".
He said it was like a very violent ballet,
too small for anyone to see.
- What is keeping James?
- I don't know.
- He discovered a comet.
- James?
No, my father. They named it after him.
Boyd's Comet.
My God, that's you. That's your father.
- I was just reading about that.
- You've read his works?
- Some of them. There are so many.
- Three.
Three? Really? There seemed like more.
They're all so action-packed.
Action-packed? What is he saying?
- He's coming back.
- James?
No, my father.
Before he died, he promised that when
the comet came back he'd be riding on it.
Right there.
I think it's there. Just below Cassiopeia.
You're right.
He said he'd be looking down
to make sure I was OK.
- So how are you? Are you OK?
- Catherine? Catherine!
The Rat Man cometh!
- Wait...
- Catherine!
Oh, my God! Somebody call a doctor!
Albert, say something!
Just had too many Kndlisch for lunch.
I need my pills.
- Catherine, you know where they are.
- At home.
Edward, you drive me.
All right, you drive him home.
I'll collect your things, Catherine,
and see you at the Caf Descartes later.
- Lie down.
- Albert, you want us to come with you?
- Watch out, we're going.
- Goodbye, please.
Wait a minute. How do we get home?
Good question.
It's a lovely night. We'll walk.
Look, I've found my pills.
Now, maybe we can
catch some of this in a glass.
- We should get you out of this.
- Good idea.
Over there. That caf, Edward.
A very bad Albert Einstein joke?
- His first wife divorced him.
- I live too much here, not enough here.
- You have children?
- Two boys.
Hans Albert. His mother named him
while I was out of town.
- And Edward.
- Yes?
No, Edward was the name
of the other boy.
You must have lived here at least twice.
How did you first think of atomic fuel?
Well, it just sorta hit me.
- Boom.
- Boom!
Was it a Koestler boom or an accident?
Koestler says accidental discoveries
aren't accidents.
People have moments
of insight and intuition
that they're prepared for by experience
to recognise them for what they are.
- Babbling.
- Babbling?
You're not babbling.
If I had a mind like yours,
I wouldn't stop talking.
I think it's letting up.
- I think she wants to leave.
- She doesn't know what she wants.
- Still raining.
- Still raining.
I think your uncle wants us to dance.
Don't be irrelevant, Ed.
You can't get from there to here.
Why not?
Don't tell me that a famous
and brilliant scientist like yourself
doesn't know about Zeno's Paradox?
- Remind me.
- You can't get here,
because you have to cover
half the remaining distance.
I have to cover half of it.
But I still have half of that remaining,
so I cover half that, and...
There's still half of that left,
so I cover half of that,
and half of that, and half of that,
and since there are infinite halves left,
I can't ever get there.
So how did that happen?
I don't know. It's not possible.
- James!
- No, Ed.
James, I was supposed to meet him.
Go, go, go!
- There we go again.
- We did it!
So we have particle C, Catherine,
in orbit around particle J, James.
Now arrives particle E, Edward,
follows C, becomes a new entity,
C plus E,
which causes J to disintegrate.
"Edward Walters, a local garage
mechanic and amateur physicist,
"dropped a bombshell
on the International Physics Symposium
"with the announcement
of a formula that makes
"interplanetary travel
by nucular rocket a real possibility."
- Nuclear.
- I said nucular, professor.
- Nuclear.
- Good picture.
This must be the dumbest thing
anybody did to impress a dame.
Especially one
that expects you to talk to her.
Shut up, Frankie. Eddie...
You hardly finished high school.
How do you expect to get away with this?
- I know a lot about science.
- Excuse me. Ed Walters?
- Who are you?
- Bill Riley, Times.
- Hi, Bob Rosetti. I own the place.
- Hey, Mr Rosetti.
Were you surprised to find out
you had a brilliant employee?
Why do you think I hired him?
He's a genius.
A lot of folks are wondering
how an ordinary guy like yourself
could come up with
such advanced ideas.
- I can tell you. Edward, congratulations!
- Thank you.
You see, we're only just
beginning to understand
the true nature of intelligence.
- And you are?
- James Morland.
Silas Paine Institute,
experimental psychology.
We're learning that genius, the ability
to make intuitive breakthroughs,
can flower almost anywhere.
Isn't that so, Edward?
- You're the expert.
- Yes, I am. And that's why I'm here.
Apart from to get my car,
which I trust is ready by now.
- We'd like to study you.
- Study me?
Your brain, your thinking processes.
A chance to increase
our understanding of knowledge.
What do you say? Can we count on you?
One colleague to another?
You may recognise this variation
on the classic P, C and D examination.
Mr Walters will have 10 minutes.
He will find the first problem
inside this box. Ready, Ed?
- Actually...
- Start the clock.
This went... Quite impressive.
- Now we move on to Phase Two.
- Phase Two?
We've tested the subject's motor ability,
and now his general knowledge,
which I'm quite curious about.
So I have devised a series
of multiple choice questions, 50 in all,
on relativity, Newtonian physics, physical
chemistry and quantum mechanics.
The subject has 18 minutes
to complete the series.
Lights, please.
Would you like to sit down?
And projector.
Start the clock.
Excuse me.
Excuse, please.
I'm done. Is that it?
In an IQ test today,
mechanic Ed Walters scored 186,
placing him in the top 0.0001%...
- Did he pass?
- That's our Eddie! Mention the garage!
Come on, Bob and Al's...
President Eisenhower
scoffed at the Soviet claims
to have leapt ahead in the space race.
He dismissed the Red rumours,
saying the first man in space
will eat hot dogs, not borscht.
And the name of the man
to put us there...
- Sweet!
- I was wrong about him.
He's not an idiot savant at all.
He's the real thing.
He's an idiot idiot.
... the boy grease-pit genius.
Like his mentor, Albert Einstein,
Ed dreamed of solving the mysteries...
If you got the stars out of your eyes,
you'd see for yourself.
Before long, we'll all be going
to the moon on nuclear rocket engines...
... and save on our fuel bills
into the bargain.
Have you actually read
this earth-shattering paper of his?
- No.
- Really?
I thought you'd be dying to read it,
as a mathematician.
Mathematicians and physicists
everywhere are examining this theory...
It's me!
... the mathematical brilliance
of this simple mechanic,
who believes, in the land of the free
and the home of the brave,
nothing is impossible.
- Do the horn again, Edward.
- Ja, ja!
Albert, we have our convertible!
This is like sailing without the wetness.
Wonderful thing you have made here.
Why aren't you smiling?
- I gotta tell Catherine the truth.
- No, it's too soon.
She's falling in love
with the wrong guy, Doc.
Ja, but it's love. Edward, it's love.
- Catherine.
- No, thank you.
- Ed!
- Hi.
I was gonna ask you why
you use that operator there?
I often ask myself the same question.
It's just a stroke of brilliance.
I'm just so close to figuring it out.
- Trouble ahead.
- Maybe. Maybe not.
- If she finds the flaw in our theory?
- We undermine her confidence.
- We shouldn't do that.
- How?
We'll be obscure and obtuse.
Are you taking something for granted?
What if you question everything?
Look at it from a different perspective.
Question everything.
Uncle Albert, could this be right?
What? I know that look. What did I do?
I never saw it this way.
I don't know what I was thinking.
Excuse me.
What did you say to her?
- Why let them scare you off?
- They're the greatest minds in the world.
- Who says they have all the answers?
- Who says what?
Who says you're not
one of the greatest minds?
I'm not like you. You're a natural.
You're just like one of them.
- No, I'm not.
- Yes, you are.
- Believe me, I'm not.
- OK. You're younger.
The point is, you're not just some
dumb mechanic, you're a genius.
- And I'm... I don't know what I am.
- What? A housewife?
- Almost.
- I think you're more than that.
"Lady, the only thing
you're afraid of is yourself."
- Can I ask you something?
- What?
What... Why do you do that?
- What?
- Brando.
I'm just trying to make you smile.
Well, thanks. Bye.
It's for the best. We squeeze the brain
a little to make room for the heart.
Maybe accidents
are part of the grand design.
If you cause the accident,
then it is not an accident.
The trouble with accidents is
you can't predict the outcome.
So maybe Catherine
will fall in love with one of us.
You're such a dreamer, Liebknecht.
- I'm sorry, were you sleeping?
- Catherine... No, I was just in repose.
- Where were you?
- Thinking.
- I was worried about you.
- That I was thinking? Me too!
No, I was worried
that you were angry with me.
This is the one thing
I would not be able to bear.
Please forgive a foolish old man.
Oh, no, you weren't being...
Well, maybe a little.
It was me. He'll tell me what to think.
- Who?
- My notebook! I thought I'd lost this.
Catherine, who?
My dad. The comet, Friday.
Ten thirty-five.
Liebchen, I know we make fun
of your James.
We call him the Rat Man,
and the Rodent King.
The Lesser Professor,
the Excremental Psychologist.
- Monkey Lips.
- Chimp Pimp.
This all stops now.
But I wish for you,
you go out and have a good life.
You mean that?
- I just spoke with him.
- Who?
With the Rat... With James.
Tomorrow, we all go together
and we have an excursion.
Hello? Someone lost?
- We heard screaming.
- Screaming?
Professor Einstein
said you'd be together.
Not here. We're going sailing.
Oh, sailing! Of course!
We were mistaken.
We never go sailing.
He says the fish don't want to eat
what we have just eaten.
- I'll check on him.
- He's fine!
Don't touch anything!
This is what we miss in physics,
If anybody screams, it's usually me.
Please, don't touch anything.
- You let the rats run around like that?
- What?
Very democratic of you!
Eighteen months
of experimental research!
All the monkeys!
We see you are very busy.
We'll come back another time.
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
- These psychologists, so crazy!
- Go!
I don't understand, he's always
10 minutes early for everything.
- Any longer, we lose the wind.
- That's it, we're set.
I'm very disappointed.
I was looking forward
to getting to know him better.
Well, maybe next time.
It's pretty.
- Sorry. Are you OK?
- Uncle Albert!
Cut it out!
- There's something I have to say.
- No, listen...
I know that Uncle Albert and everybody
wants us to, you know...
- There's something else.
- Let me...
It's just that...
Well, love between two people...
- Sorry... Uncle Albert!
- I'm steering the boat!
Love... No...
People who share common goals
and interests...
- Did you ever hear of the colour algae?
- No.
The point is, Ed, you can't choose
who you're gonna love.
- I know that.
- You know, it just happens.
I think you're a decent person
and I respect you.
- I respect you, too.
- I know how you feel about me.
It's just that you can't expect
somebody you've just met,
somebody who hardly knows you,
to suddenly say...
- I love you.
- I understand, that's OK.
No, I love you.
I do. I do. I said it!
- You love me?
- Yes, I love you!
- Uncle Albert, please cut that out!
- Just stop.
I can do it myself now.
- Did you feel that?
- Ja!
Somewhere, an atom collided
with an atom, that collided with an atom,
and so on, until it collided with us!
To atoms, those sexy little cuties!
I suppose you think you're in love
with this mechanic?
Yes, Ed, I'm in love with him!
Look, let me explain.
It's an infatuation. It's not love.
He's pleasant-looking, popular,
Uncle Albert likes him,
so naturally you feel attracted, but...
It won't last.
What we have will last.
Common aims and interests,
verbal communications,
financial security,
intellectual compatibility.
What about love?
Sounds like a hundred-dollar brake job.
Busted tappets. Ed?
What do you think?
She loves me.
I thought that was the idea.
You haven't told her?
- I've been trying.
- Tell 'em nothing!
It's not hard. You call her up and say,
"Hello, I'm a lying grease-monkey."
Leave me alone, will you?
It's gonna be all right.
She loves me.
Will it work?
Will it work? I don't know.
- I've seen this before.
- It's been in all the papers.
- Ed Walters, cold fusion.
- No, I mean years ago, somewhere...
First I want to say, I lie you...
...I love you... I'm a liar.
There's been some things
I haven't been completely honest about,
and I would like the...
Just a minute, Catherine!
- Edward Walters?
- Yes.
Quiet. Speak when you're spoken to,
keep the answers short.
Edward, I want you to meet
the President of the United States.
Ike... You're...
- You're President Eisenhower!
- At least until the next election.
Some special occasion?
I'm expecting someone.
- A friend, Catherine.
- Catherine Boyd?
- Albert Einstein's niece.
- I have to tell her something.
Well, about this engine.
When can we see a working prototype?
The Russians say
they'll have one this year.
The President wants to announce
we're building a prototype here.
- We have a press conference tonight.
- Seven.
- We'd like to have something by...
- Seven?
- And Eisenhower tells the good news!
- There's good news?
- About the prototype.
- Does Edward know this?
Sure, it was practically his idea.
Come on, they're waiting for us.
Oh, my God!
Excuse me. Catherine Boyd?
I met your friend Edward.
You must be very proud.
I have very strong feelings about him.
- We should leave the country.
- Don't panic.
When, then?
When they shoot us for treason?
- They don't shoot you for treason.
- It's electrocution.
Ed! It's Ed!
- Where's Catherine?
- With Eisenhower.
Back! Stay back, sir!
Catherine! Stop!
- Isn't that...?
- Walters!
- Ed!
- Catherine!
- Stop!
- Congratulations, young lady.
I felt the same
when I proposed to Mamie.
- Mr President, I think...
- It's OK, stop the car.
- Is that Ed Walters?
- Some kind of problem?
- Catherine...
- Don't talk to me, you liar, you fake...
- You found out.
- How could you think I was that stupid?
- You're not stupid. How d'you find out?
- I figured it out.
- I put two and two together...
- The formula? That's fantastic!
- Stop it, you fake! Just kiss me!
- What?
- Be right there, Ike.
- Take your time.
The President thinks you're proposing,
so kiss me. We're in a lot of trouble.
- I think it was worth it.
- Looks like a "yes" to me.
- You... mechanic!
- That's all I am to you, a mechanic.
Your name's really Ed?
You work in a garage?
The garage where you fell in love
with me, remember? That's true.
- That hurts!
- One second!
For God's sake!
- You know what?
- What?
You had to know. You're not dumb.
- Yes, I am!
- You wanted to go along with it.
I think you needed to.
You should be thanking me.
- Thanking you?!
- Jesus!
Be right there, Ike!
You bit me!
Sorry, Ed. Sorry about that.
Listen, you're right.
I've learned quite a bit from you.
I have a great brain,
and I should trust that.
And it's not about what you do,
it's about who you are.
I've learned that from you, so thank you.
- Fake!
- Albert, what's going on?
Catherine has just found out
that Edward is not really a scientist.
He is simply an automobile mechanic.
What does a mechanic know
about cold fusion?
- Nothing. It's all a big lie.
- April Fool's.
- We meant no harm.
- Just foolish old men.
I was right about the cold fusion,
wasn't I?
Do you realise you proved conclusively
that my approach is impossible?
I knew that, but you said...
I meant that I could not prove it
or disprove it, so I could not publish it.
- I did something you couldn't do?
- It's mathematics.
- I was always terrible at mathematics.
- Professor.
Ed Walters' atomic fuel theory.
An unpublished paper of Albert
Einstein's, written 30 years ago.
Gentlemen, they are identical.
In every respect, identical.
- You accuse Ed Walters of plagiarism?
- Hardly.
I am accusing Ed Walters, and Professor
Einstein, and his colleagues...
...of outright fraud.
Cold fusion is nothing more than a hoax.
Mr President!
If you will please bear with us,
Professor Einstein has a statement.
Thank you, Mr President.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Dr James Morland is correct.
Cold fusion is a hoax.
A hoax so brilliant, so daring, so secret,
that not more than five people
on planet Earth know about it.
We called it Operation Red Cabbage.
Now we can reveal, through the efforts
of Miss Boyd and Mr Walters,
two of the finest minds
it has ever been my privilege to know,
we have proven the Russian claim
to have leapt ahead in the space race
with cold fusion is nothing but hot air.
Personally, I think any race
of this nature, arms or space,
is complete foolishness.
Thank you very much.
A master stroke,
a triumph for the Institute.
Catherine, darling!
I said what I said in good faith.
- Albert!
- That's not going to work this time.
Perhaps not.
Unfortunately, this is the real thing.
Please, I go to the hospital.
Boys, please. It's just a little flutter.
Please, go out. See the comet.
Go get some girls.
- Will we get one for you?
- Ja, a redhead.
Stay, Edward.
Goodbye, boys, thanks for coming.
See you all shortly... Up there.
It will be OK, in no time.
- I thought you said time doesn't exist.
- I said anytime...
I always imagined heaven
to be one enormous library,
only you can't take out the books.
- I need something from my trousers.
- I'll get it.
It's in the left-hand pocket. The left hand.
- No, the other left hand.
- What am I looking for?
That's it, you've found it.
Bring it here, please.
My compass.
My memory is...
...of my father,
when I was five years old.
I think I was sick in bed then, too.
He gave me this compass.
When I first held it in my hand,
I was wonderstruck
by what force, invisible and unfelt,
could be holding the needle.
Here, Edward, you take this.
So that you never lose your way,
and you keep your sense of wonder.
You both have good hearts.
Don't let your brain
interfere with your heart.
- I'd love to talk, Ed.
- I never meant this to get so crazy.
If I've hurt you in any way, I'm very sorry.
For one brief moment there,
I was taken seriously by some pretty...
...extraordinary people.
That's never happened to me before.
It felt great.
I just hope, at some point,
that you can truly believe
how extraordinary you are.
I'll miss you.
You mean if we hadn't interfered,
they would have ended up together?
Everything affects everything.
- I believe everything will be fine.
- Why?
I'd rather be an optimist and a fool
than a pessimist and right.
We're all fools.
We should've taken the elevator.
Boys, please!
You're going to wake up the nurses.
- Twenty-three degrees.
- No, twenty-four...
- Twenty-two degrees down...
- Twenty-three degrees...
- Please, just do it!
- Why?
A dying man's wish.
In time, but since time doesn't exist...
What do you see?
- I see the road to the observatory.
- And?
- And Catherine.
- And?
She is going towards Stargazer's Field.
Wait a minute!
That's where Edward went.
Boy, oh boy! If ever there
was a time for an accident.
Sometimes, accidents need a little help.
God does not play dice with the universe,
but I will.
- What kind of a thing is this?
- What is that?
This is a transmitter. Watch.
Oh, great!
- Push it down.
- Push it down...
- I'm going to look at it.
- Please!
- Enough! I want her back in one piece!
- What's happening?
Her motor has died.
She's turning into Stargazer's Field.
- I want to see.
- No, no!
Let me see!
It just happened, just boom!
Do you believe in accidents?
This is so right.
This is the way I wanted to see it.
Have you ever heard
of the Seven Sacred Pools?
In Hawaii?
- Are you all right, Albert?
- Ja, this is very good for my heart.
Oh, my God! Look!
Hi, Daddy! I missed you!
This is Ed, the man I love.
- Out of this world!
- Look, Albert.
What's happening?