If I Had My Way (1940) Movie Script

The Magic Carpet takes us now
to San Francisco, California.
Whoever said that it's bad
manners to stretch in public
forgot to tell
the people in San Francisco,
because they're guilty of the
longest stretch ever achieved by man,
the Golden Gate Bridge.
Now the answer to the question
millions have asked,
who is responsible for this giant
project? Here he is, ladies and gentlemen,
the man who built the Golden Gate
Bridge practically single-handed.
Buzz Blackwell.
Buzz is pretty good,
isn't he, Daddy?
The higher he goes,
the better he gets.
That's what I keep telling
the boys down at the office.
We know, we know. Thank you.
All right, Buzz, take a bow.
That's right.
What have we here?
Why, it's none other than that old
Rajah of Rivets, the Mighty Fred Johnson,
who can climb up slower and come
down faster than any man on the job.
You come down pretty fast
yourself when that whistle blows.
My pal. Ten minutes later
he touched me for 20 bucks.
Don't believe him,
honey. That's what he did.
And now, folks, hold your hats
because here's the best helper
who ever caught a red-hot rivet in
his hip pocket, the Pride of Sweden,
Axel Swenson.
Did somebody call me?
Oh, you're showing the movies.
I love these little snip shots.
Hey, get out of there.
Down in the front.
Hey, what's the matter? What's
happened? Boo! Hiss. Hiss.
Where's the rest of the
picture? On your back.
Plant it over there in the
two-bit seats, will you?
Now we go again.
Oh, there I come.
Ain't I got gumph?
You got gumph all right.
Look. Was I doing that?
I didn't think I could
dance that good. Look out.
That's me holding up the man.
And now a few other
little things whipped up
by that tireless trio
in their spare time,
Bolder Dam. The Bonneville Dam.
Remember that? The Bay Bridge,
all built exclusively by Johnson,
Blackwell and Swenson, unincorporated.
Ain't we something?
Say, Buzz, how about me?
Where are the ones
you took here last Wednesday?
Quiet, please. Patience, little
lady, patience. One bridge at a time.
Ah! Here she comes now,
with her boyfriend, Crack.
That Glamour Girl of the great
outdoors, Miss Patricia Johnson.
Buzz Blackwell, don't you dare
call me Patricia. My name is Pat.
You're waving. Here come the two villains.
Looks like a dice game.
Oh, there it is, too.
You're hungry.
Oh, boy. Let me out of there.
All right. There we go.
Oh, look. Slide the line.
That's the fastest
he ever moved in his life.
Hang on now. Oh, there.
Why didn't you look
where I'm going?
I get the first kiss. I got two of
them. I'm in there. I'm in there.
There you go on, get in now.
My pal, knifing me
in the back, huh?
You're a cameraman.
I'm a plumber.
You and Buzz were so funny,
Daddy. How about yourself, Scarlet?
The pictures are
really swell, Buzz.
Great things to have,
aren't they?
Well, they certainly
prove one thing.
Boy, we've knocked in our
share of rivets since 1930.
But you know, Buzz, our
pictures are old-fashioned.
They would be much better
if you could hear me talk.
Hear you talk? Who'd
understand you? Poor Axel.
Buzz, you stop picking
on him. That's right, Pat.
that old Swedish proverb,
"When the strong pick on the
weak, the weak get weaker."
Oh, get out of here
with your proverbs.
Well, according to Big Ben,
it's exactly 5:57.
I can just see that whistle getting
ready to blow me back to work.
On your way, slave. See
that you do a tidy job, too.
Yes. After working night
and day for all these months,
we don't want that bridge
to have a sloppy top.
Wouldn't it be just my luck to draw the
last shift on the last night of the job?
About 50 of us are going to
miss that get-away party tonight.
You'll be through early, Daddy, and
I'll save you a seat right next to me.
There she goes.
Well, good night, honey.
Do your stuff tonight. I will.
Wait a minute.
You'd better take your coat.
What would you do
without her, Fred?
What would we all do?
I don't know.
She's a great little kid,
all right.
Too bad her mother couldn't
have seen her grow up.
Yep. Here you are, Daddy.
Now, you hurry up and get through
and I'll be waiting for you.
Yeah. Go on, get out of here.
Let the old godfather take over.
Good night, honey.
Good night, Daddy.
So long, Fred. And don't
bump into any clouds up there.
Oh, Daddy? Yes?
Don't forget to bring me that star
tonight. All right, honey, I won't.
So long, boys. So long, Fred.
Daddy's been promising me a
star ever since I was that high.
That reminds me. Now if you
want to look like a star tonight
we better do
a little rehearsing.
I know my number. I could do
it backwards. You probably will.
How are you going
to introduce us, Buzz?
Well, I'll probably start
like this.
You lucky people, you are about to be
entertained by two of the cleverest,
wittiest and
most talented performers.
Are you sure
they'll know you mean you?
Axel's right. We're not that
good. Well, all right, then.
Here's what I'll really say.
Friends, we've spent a lot of
time together building a bridge
and we've built some
swell friendships with it.
Tonight the job will be finished and
tomorrow we'll all be saying goodbye.
But now we're here to have
fun, so let's get started.
Now this occasion is much too important
to be handled by one person alone,
so I've drafted one of the deeper
thinkers of the community to help me,
Miss Patricia Johnson.
Ladies and gentlemen.
The subject of the lecture
for this evening is political.
And no one is more critical.
Than my colleague and I.
The subject is political
and no one is more critical.
Or even more analytical.
Than my colleague.
My colleague and I.
We scoff at soap-box orators.
With all their
foolish theories economical.
In fact we think
it's very comical.
The way they moan and cry.
Comical comical too
economical Isn't it comical?
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Comical comical too economical.
Isn't it comical?
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
And so whenever we meet someone.
Who thinks
that everything is wrong.
We get them in a corner.
And we let.
Them hear this song.
It isn't opera.
It's not classic.
Just a simple little song.
Stop! Stop?
Stop hiding behind a pillow.
Whenever the dawn looks gray.
Get up, get out
and meet the sun halfway.
There may be a fortune waiting.
Or maybe an egg souffl.
Get up, get out, you gotta
meet the sun halfway.
Get into the tub.
And as you begin
to rub and scrub give out.
With your version
of the Road to Mandalay.
Don't ever expect
the bright side.
Served up to you on a tray.
Get up, get out
and meet the sun halfway.
You ought to be like Buck Rogers.
Just look where he is today.
Get up, get out
and meet the sun halfway.
You may be a new Dick Tracey.
Conducting an expos.
Get up, get out, you gotta
meet the sun halfway.
And don't blame your luck.
Do you wanna sound
like Donald Duck?
You know when you smile you
throw yourself a big bouquet.
You'd even show Li'I Abner.
A way to win Daisy Mae.
Get up, get out
and meet the sun halfway.
All right, wait a minute, wait a minute!
Now, hey, come on, everybody, join in.
The elephant is a dreamer.
But nevertheless he'll say.
Get up, get out.
And meet the sun halfway.
Oh, the pelican is peculiar.
But what does his life convey?
Get up, get out.
And meet the sun halfway.
Any horse if it believes
in making hay.
So thinking the whole thing over.
We offer this resum.
Make it big.
Get up, get out.
And meet the sun halfway.
And now
for the real music lovers,
direct from a successful
engagement at the Jade Room
of commissary number three,
we bring you Joe Bluett
and his Rollicking Riveteers.
I've saved your seats
for you, Pat. Thank you.
When I was born pappy said
"Ain't he the cutest thing?"
But he jumped through
the window on his head
when I began to sing.
He jumped through the window
on his head.
It's no use, Buzz.
Old sittin' bull he sits no
more He sure did meet his doom.
His Pa kicked him
out through the door.
When he sang this crazy tune.
His Pa kicked him
out through the door.
Don't let anybody sit here. I'll
be right back. All right, honey.
He sure was a gay old bird.
He didn't come home 'til early
mornin' And this is what we heard.
Oh, hello, Slim, where did Buzz
go? He just walked down the road.
He said he needed some air. Oh.
Oh, Buzz.
Hello, Pat. Don't you feel well?
Sure, honey,
I... I feel all right.
Then aren't you going to see
the rest of the show?
Axel and the band
and everything?
Oh, it's too nice a night to
sit in that stuffy old hall.
But where are you going?
Just thought
I'd take a little walk.
Can I come along?
Sure, Pat, maybe you'd better.
My, but it's quiet.
Seems quiet after all the racket
we made getting her put together.
And tomorrow we'll move on, but she'll
stay right here forever, won't she?
The men go, but the bridge
stays. It's beautiful, Buzz.
Pat, do you remember that poem
that you learned in school?
You mean
"My Friend, the Bridge?"
That's the one.
Would you it say for me?
"I wish that some day
you'd climb with me
"to the peak
of a windblown ridge
"where I go to visit
my oldest friend
"my faithful friend, the bridge.
"He has looked for years
this friend of mine
"at the river that swirls below.
"He has suffered the heat
and the biting cold
"and the wind
and the rain and the snow".
"For there's more to a bridge
than the stone and the steel
"there's the soul of the man
who willed it
"there's the strength of the
men and the hearts of the men
"and the blood of the men
who built it".
Daddy always says that, too.
He was right.
And he says one reason
this is a great country
is because we build bridges
instead of bombing them.
Sounds just like Fred.
We used to sit and talk about
things like that by the hour.
He was my best friend. He was
closer to me than a brother.
Honey, you've been around men
like us since you were a baby.
You're growing up now and that's
the way I'm going to talk to you.
Every job like this has to be paid
for, not only in money, but in men.
It seems like a high price,
but not when you remember
that a man who loses his life
in work like ours
is just as much a hero as a
soldier on the battlefield.
Except that soldiers have
to die destroying things,
and we die building them.
We die?
Something's happened to Daddy?
You'll have to be brave, honey,
just like he was.
Oh, Buzz.
He promised you
a star tonight, Pat.
I guess maybe he went
to get it for you.
Well, it's one of two things.
I either got too much clothes
or I ain't got enough suitcase.
Did you ever hear of the
Baldwin Development Company?
What do they develop?
I don't know.
But Fred left 1,000 shares
of stock for Pat.
Oh. I had some stock in 1928,
but then comes 1929.
Well, that's that.
Where's the railroad tickets? I got
them right here, in our deposit vault.
They will be safe there.
While I think of it,
you can hold this for me, too.
It'll be safer there than it'll
be in my pocket. Oh, don't worry.
Anybody who wants this money
gets me with it.
That's asking too much,
even from a thief.
Say, Buzz, why do we have to
take Pat all the way to New York
to relatives she doesn't even know?
Because Fred wanted it that way.
But she wouldn't be any trouble.
Couldn't we keep her with us?
No, not a chance. This is no life for
a kid. She's going to have an education.
Well, I'd be more than welcome
to learn her all I know.
That's very including
of you, Axel,
but I think Pat ought to have
a woman around her.
Say, I know what we could do.
You could get married.
That's not a bad idea.
Do you know a nice girl?
Oh, yes. Then you marry her.
Buzz, remember
that great Swedish proverb,
"People who try to be funny
when nobody wants to listen"
"always wind up on the radio."
And people who don't get packed in time
always wind up missing trains. Now go on.
Get going.
Hello, Pat. Hello, honey.
Where you been?
Crack and I were saying
goodbye to some of our friends.
You mean Crack is going with us?
Why, I wouldn't think
of leaving him behind.
And besides,
he's never seen New York.
You know,
we only got three tickets.
Where'd you put that address?
I got it right here.
I think I'd better send them a wire
and let them know we're coming, huh?
I never heard Fred mention
that Pat had a uncle.
What kind of people
do you suppose he is?
He never talked much
about his family,
but if they're anything like Fred
was, they're bound to be all right.
Telegram for you, sir.
Oh, thank you, Hedges.
Oh, Hedges, I'm giving a small
cocktail party on Wednesday.
There'll be about 10 or 12. Yes, madam.
Great heavens!
What is it, Jarvis?
My brother Fred, he's
been killed in an accident.
How upsetting.
I must tell Hedges not to bring
your telegrams to the table.
Is that the extent
of your feeling, Brenda?
Well, you can hardly expect me
to weep and tear my hair
over a man
I've never even known.
Well, this is ridiculous.
What is? Listen to this.
"Fred's last wish was that you should
take care of his daughter Patricia,"
"so I'm bringing her to you,
arriving Wednesday."
Bringing Fred's daughter to us?
Who is? Somebody named Blackwell.
Well, he's certainly taking
a great deal for granted.
He's taking too much
for granted.
We're in no position to take care of
a child. We... Why, we can't afford it.
For once
you're using good judgment.
Despite your opinion, dear,
my judgment is usually sound.
Your knowledge of financial matters,
Jarvis, is hardly spectacular.
Coming from you,
that's very funny.
A man would have to get money
out of a pump
to keep up with your crazy
spending. My spending?
Why do I spend? Only to
keep up appearances for you.
And now you propose to take on the
additional burden of this child.
Who proposes? I'm not going
to raise anybody's child.
Much less the daughter
of a brother
I haven't even seen
or heard from in 15 years.
Well, you just can't ignore
it. What are you going to do?
I don't know. I don't know
what I'm going to do.
But I've got to do something!
My, what a friendly city.
Everybody's smiling. I like that.
Yeah, well, you're safe
until they start laughing.
Oh, look.
Say, Buzz, even the squirrels
are different in New York.
Yeah. They streamline them.
Hey, look at this. There you are,
Pat. What do you think of her?
Ain't she cute? I bet she's
Charlie McCarthy's sweetheart.
Buzz, I don't have to wear
things like that, do I?
I'd look like a cream puff.
Well, they don't look like cream
puffs. They look like little ladies.
That's the way you should look.
I want your relatives to like you
when they meet you for the first time.
That's right. If you don't like a
man when you meet him the first time,
make sure the first time is
the last time.
Now that's... That's an
old Swedish proverb. I know.
Come on. Come on.
We have an excellent selection here. I
think you'll find everything you want.
Look, Pat. That looks like the hat I
wore when I was a little boy in Stockholm.
Yep, came here on a slow boat.
Shall we look at dresses first?
Well, we're a little in the dark
about what the well-dressed
young ladies are wearing.
Why don't you take over, huh?
Very well. Come with me, dear.
Here, Axel, will you take care
of Crack, please?
Come on, little squirrel.
Miss Corbett, is Mrs.
Taylor's daughter with you?
No, she isn't. I think Mrs.
Taylor's chauffeur called for her.
Thank you.
I wonder how Pat will look when
she's dressed like a little girl.
That's simple,
like a little girl.
That looks lovely. As far as I'm
concerned, they're all terrible.
Well, we have some others that
are slightly less dramatic.
Try this one, Mrs. DeLacey.
It absolutely defeats me.
Some man with a perverted sense of humor
must be designing women's hats today.
They all make you look
ridiculous. Well, Mrs. DeLacey...
This is the end. This one makes
me look like a fruit salad.
We have the accessories, too. There
are gloves and a bag that go with it.
All I need with this
is some whipped cream.
Oh, this is the last straw.
This is the last straw!
What is it? There was
a wolf-rat on that hat.
He tried to bite me.
What is it, Mrs. DeLacey?
Is something wrong?
What kind of a shop is this?
A wild animal climbed up on my head
as I'm sitting there trying on a hat.
A wild animal?
Yes, a wild animal.
My dear Mrs. DeLacey,
you must be imagining things.
Don't you tell me I'm
imagining things. It was a wolf.
I saw its fangs when it snarled.
Madam, we may have had an
occasional wolf at the door,
but never inside of the shop.
Goodness sake!
Here, little squirrel.
Here, Crackie. Crackie.
Here, Crackie.
Here, Crackie. Crackie.
Here, Crackie.
Here, little squirrel.
Here, Crackie.
I was just looking
for a little squirrel.
Wolves! Squirrels! Oh!
Oh, how do you do, Mrs. Bradbury.
I'm so glad to see you again.
We've got some of the loveliest
things in the shop this season.
I shall love
to show them to you.
See. There he is. Ain't he cute?
Nice going, Axel. That's the
stuff, huh? Bring him back alive.
Oh, boy. To keep track of Crack is harder
to find in a haystack with needles in it.
What did you say about Crack?
Well, I was just telling Buzz...
Doesn't she look lovely? Well, I
certainly hope you're satisfied.
Buzz, I'm so mad. I wouldn't do
this for anybody but you. I...
Look at Pat.
There we are. And here's
the finishing touch.
I can't believe it.
Buzz, is it really me?
In person. You're a little young for a glamour
girl but you're off to a flying start.
That's right.
I'll get the grips. Madame?
Pay the nice lady, Axel.
Yes. I've got it right here.
How much is that? You see...
What's the number
of Mr. Johnson's apartment?
26-D, sir. That's my
lucky number. Here we go.
Here, you look after this fellow,
Pat. He behaves better for you.
You'd better take him, Axel.
I'm a little nervous.
Okay. Come on, Crackie,
you go down in there.
I'll keep in touch
with you from time to time.
Is Mr. Johnson in?
Mr. Johnson is not at home.
Oh, well. My name is Blackwell.
This is Mr. Johnson's niece.
He's expecting us. We'd like
to wait if you don't mind.
As you wish, sir.
Make yourselves comfortable.
Thank you. Thank you.
Say, I guess this is what
they call living high, huh?
Oh, you're sharp as
jailhouse coffee today, Axel.
Now, Pat, how would you feel if
you came here in those overalls?
I don't think they'd
have let me in.
Well, this is your new home, Pat.
You might as well get used to it.
My, my.
They eat out in the open air,
just like we do when we knock
off for lunch on the bridge.
Must be a party for you, Pat.
Gee, my relatives
never welcome me like that.
You're gonna stay,
aren't you, Buzz?
I wouldn't know how to act
in a place like this.
Don't act. Just be yourself,
you'll be all right.
Buzz, you know, this is wonderful.
I feel right at home here.
My uncle must have a very good
business to live in a place like this.
Why don't you get rich, Buzz?
Oh, that's a full-time job,
Pat, and I'm a very busy man.
You're a very busy man.
Well, I am.
By a country road
wild roses grow.
That need my special care.
So I haven't time
to be a millionaire.
And a cheerful brook
on a mountainside.
Is sad when I'm not there.
So I haven't time
to be a millionaire.
And a friendly gang of robins.
Are peeved when I forget.
That I am the second tenor
in their quartet.
So with all the things
I have to do.
I'm very much aware.
If I wished for wealth.
It wouldn't be quite fair
'Cause I haven't time
to be a millionaire.
By a country road
wild roses grow.
That need my special care.
So I haven't time
to be a millionaire.
And a cheerful brook
on the mountainside.
Is sad when I'm not there.
So I haven't time
to be a millionaire.
And a friendly gang of robins.
Are peeved when I forget.
That I'm the second tenor
in their quartet.
So with all the things
I have to do
I'm very much aware.
If I wished for wealth.
It wouldn't be quite fair.
Be quite fair
'Cause I haven't time
to be a millionaire.
How do you do?
I hope I'm not intruding.
How do you do?
My name is Blackwell. This is
Axel Swenson and this is Patricia.
Hello. Hello.
How do you do?
You wanted to see me?
Why, yes,
if you're J.B. Johnson, we do.
You'll pardon us, Jarvis,
dear. Of course, Brenda.
Shall we go out on the terrace?
I'm J.B. Johnson.
What can I do for you?
I thought I explained it
in my telegram.
Telegram? There must be some
mistake. What is it you want?
Why, I wired you all about...
I wired you I was bringing Pat
here to stay with you.
Are you sure you have the
right Johnson? Why, I think so.
I've got the address right here. It's
J.B. Johnson, 940 East 56th Street.
Oh, I think I understand.
This should probably be West
instead of East.
Oddly enough, there's another
J.B. Johnson on West 56th street,
and people frequently
confuse us.
We're always getting
each other's mail.
Oh, I guess we wound up
on the wrong side of town.
Sorry we broke in on you
like this. Don't apologize.
It's a perfectly
natural mistake.
Well, I guess
we'd better be going.
Come on, Pat. Axel.
Well, so long, I'm sorry we bothered
you. That's quite all right. Goodbye.
Goodbye. Goodbye.
Well, anyway, it was nice to
see how the other half lives.
What will we do now, Buzz?
Well, we'll make a phone call.
It's no use trekking
halfway across town
until we know what we're doing.
We can phone in here.
Shall we go out
on the terrace, Brenda dear?
Thank you, Jarvis. I'd adore it.
How do you do? Hello.
What'll you have, young lady?
Two chocolate sundaes
with plenty of nuts, please.
Yes, ma'am.
Sure. One for me
and one for Crack.
That squirrel is gonna eat us
out of the house and lot.
I'll have a sundae, too.
Hello, is this J.B. Johnson?
My name is Blackwell.
There you are.
Come on, Crack.
There's your lunch. Don't you dare try to
hide any of that ice cream for the winter.
I bet that squirrel never got
anything like that out in the woods.
Say, he's a cute
little fellow, ain't he?
Never served a squirrel before. No,
but I bet you've served plenty of nuts.
Say, that's a good joke,
ain't it? I don't get it.
Well, I'm certainly glad
we found you.
Oh, great.
Wait till you see her.
Okay. We'll be right over.
Well, there's no mistake this time. Come
on, hurry up. They're waiting for you.
What about these? Bring
them along with you. Come on.
Well, here we are. Come on.
Don't give up now. There
are only a few more steps.
Well, here we are. I'm glad to see
you. I'm Joe Johnson, Mr. Blackwell.
I'm Blackwell.
This is Mr. Swenson.
Hello. Hello.
I don't have to tell you who this
is. Pat, this is your granduncle Joe.
Hello, Uncle Joe. Pat.
I haven't seen you
since you were that big.
You remember that, don't you?
Wait till your Aunt Marian sees
you. Come on in. Come on in.
Marian. Marian!
Make yourselves right
at home, boys. Thanks.
She's liable to faint
when she sees you.
Marian, where are you?
Yes, here I am.
Why, this isn't...
You don't mean to tell me
that you are...
Are you really Pat?
I guess I am, Aunt Marian.
Well, bless your heart.
And this is Mr. Blackwell and Mr.
Swenson. I'm happy to know you.
How do you do?
Let me look at you, darling.
Oh, you're your mother
all over again.
Now, now, now,
none of that, Marian.
You two ladies run along and leave
us men to cut up a few touches.
Come on, dear.
What does that mean,
"Cutting up touches?"
When women do it, it's gossiping,
but men have a fancy name for it.
Come on, dear.
Gentlemen, be seated. May I
have your hat, Mr. Blackwell?
Everybody calls me Buzz. Well,
that's fine. Then it's Buzz and Joe.
And Axel, and this is Crack.
Hiya, Crack.
Well, I'm glad we finally got here, but
I'm sorry we had to bring you bad news.
You brought me Pat,
and she's good news.
I'm sorry I didn't know
you were coming,
or I'd have thrown a big party
at the Ritz.
For a while, we thought Pat
was going to step into society.
Yes. We went to a house near the water,
but the water was in the wrong river.
Well, he means we went to
940 East 56th street
and found the wrong J.B. Johnson.
He seemed to know you, though.
He should know me. I'm
his uncle. His uncle?
So, let me get this straight.
You mean there was no mistake?
That's where
we were supposed to go?
The J.B. Johnson you met is
Fred's brother.
Why, he denied knowing Pat. He
didn't even give us a tumble.
If a dog did that,
I'd say he wasn't human.
I can't understand it. I don't
get it. It's the old story.
A family divided against itself.
I split up with them
when I went into vaudeville.
In those days, society people
wouldn't touch an actor with a fork.
But where do Jarvis and Fred come in?
Well, Fred married an actress, too.
And that's when
Jarvis got on his high horse.
He's certainly a lovable
character, that fellow Jarvis.
I can't imagine Fred sending
Pat to him instead of to you.
Well, I guess Fred knew
I wasn't doing so well.
My, my. What a strange
You and your nephew living on the
same street and with the same number.
The coincidence is that with all
the Johnsons living in New York,
that stuffed shirt had to be my
nephew. Yeah, you could say that again.
Oh, by the way, here's a picture
of Fred's wife when they first met.
She was a great girl, Buzz,
and sing, ah!
I know who that is.
That's my mother.
That's who it is, honey.
She was pretty, wasn't she.
Buzz? Yeah, she sure was, Pat.
Here's the song your mother
sang when she wore that dress.
Little Grey Home In The West.
I know that.
Why don't you sing it?
Shall I? Sure, go ahead.
When the golden sun
sinks in the hills.
And the toil of a long day
is o'er.
Though the road may be long.
In the lilt of a song.
I forget I was weary before.
Far ahead,
where the blue shadows fall
I shall come
to contentment and rest.
And the toils of the day.
Will be all charmed away.
In my little gray home
of the west.
There are hands
that will welcome me in.
There are lips
I am burning to kiss.
There are two eyes that shine.
Just because they are mine.
And a thousand things
other men miss.
It's a corner of heaven itself.
Though it's only
a tumble-down nest.
But with love
brooding there.
Why no place can compare.
With my little gray home
in the west.
Oh, wasn't that swell?
Oh, darling, that was wonderful.
Well, come on, everybody. I've
got a little snack for you.
Oh, boy, when you mention
snack, you got me automatically.
Everything's all right now,
isn't it, Buzz?
Yeah, honey, I know we got
the right Johnsons this time.
Come and get it. Hurry up now.
Good afternoon, sir.
How are you?
Say, who do I talk to
about stocks?
Why, that'd be Mr. Melville,
our investment adviser.
Just have a seat, sir,
and I'll see if he's busy.
Thank you.
What's an investment adviser,
Oh, he's a fellow that
advises you what stocks to buy.
You know,
tells you how to get rich.
If he knows how to get rich,
why does he have to work?
He probably went broke
taking his own advice.
Is he going to make us rich,
Buzz? Well, not exactly.
You see, I got some stocks
here that your daddy left.
I want to find out
if they're worth anything.
Mr. Melville will see you now,
sir. He's right over there.
Oh, thank you. Hold the fort, will
you, Pat? I'll be back in a flash.
With a flash.
Oh, so it's Pat, is it?
Well, I'm happy to know
anyone with a name like that.
Hello. Hello, yourself.
Hello, Pat. How do you do?
Good afternoon, sir. The young
lady's name is Pat, too, sir.
Isn't it?
Yes. It's short for Patricia.
Oh, I see. Well, I'm John Blair.
Tell me, what do you think
of our little bank?
It's very nice. I've never
been in a bank before.
What are those people doing?
Well, some are depositing
and some are withdrawing.
Withdrawing what? Money.
That's what a bank is for,
my dear.
All day long, they're putting
money in and taking money out.
It sounds like a good business.
Yes. It sounds like a good business.
Does he work here? Work here?
Mr. Blair is the general manager.
He runs the whole shebang.
I'm sorry, Mr. Blackwell, but
this stock isn't listed anymore.
What does that mean? I'm
afraid it means it's worthless.
Well, I'll just hold onto it
awhile. It might come back some day.
Not that stock. That's gone with the
wind. It's pretty though, isn't it?
Well, thank you for your
trouble. No trouble at all.
Is it true that money talks?
You can't prove it by me, I've
never even heard it whisper.
Well, are we rich? No, but
we've still got our health.
What do we do now, Buzz?
We go home and relax.
When in doubt what to do,
do nothing.
I'll have to teach
that one to Axel.
It says here that vaudeville
is absolutely coming back.
Now, when that happens,
we'll be on easy street again.
I hope it comes back
before suppertime.
Another pound of meat
wouldn't hurt this stew.
Well, stretch it.
You've stretched them before.
If I stretch this anymore,
I'll break it.
Hello, everybody. We're home.
Something smells good.
What's cooking?
It's stew. But don't ask me what's in it.
I hope it isn't
our little squirrel.
Hello, Aunt Marian.
Well, there they are, Joe.
Just a pocketful of dreams.
No good, eh?
No, some stocks you can
put away and forget about.
Those you just forget about.
Hello, people. Have I got news.
Tonight, everybody must have
a good appetite for dinner.
How come?
Because if you don't,
Gustav will be mad at me.
Gustav who? Gustav
Erickson. He is my friend.
But why should he get mad if
we don't have good appetites?
Because he might think
you don't like his food.
You can't insult the host,
you know. Now, wait a minute.
Start all over.
Begin right at the beginning.
Well, 15 years ago,
I'm on a farm in Minnesota.
Who is my neighbor? Wisconsin.
Don't be silly. My neighbor is
Gustav Erickson.
I called him Pudding-face.
An aristocrat, huh?
Oh, no. He's a Swede, too.
Well, anyway, I move away and I don't
see him for 15 years until today.
And what do you think he
is now? He is still a Swede.
And he owns a Swedish restaurant
and he invited us all to dinner.
Marian, save the stew.
Mrs. Johnson, tonight you're
going to have a Swedish dinner.
You see,
you start with a smorgasbord.
That's a little bit
of everything, but lots of it.
Good. And then... And then...
Bottoms up.
I didn't get the first part,
but bottoms up is my language.
Axel, your face are got more fatter
and your stomach more flatter.
But other than that,
you didn't change a bit.
Ain't that funny, Buzz, Gustav
is in America longer than me
and he still speaks
with an accent.
Well, that's the best food I ever
ate. How do you spell smorgasbord?
Oh, Joe.
I can't figure it out.
I know that with food like yours, people
ought to be fighting to get in here.
Yeah. You know that and I know that,
but with everybody else, it's a secret.
Last week, my business was so bad,
my doorman was arrested for vagrancy.
Is it really that bad?
Yeah, worse.
Nobody don't even
picket the place anymore.
Pudding-face, I told you, you
should never leave the farm.
Why don't you sell the place
and go back to Minnesota?
Sell the place? Sure.
But who wants to buy a restaurant
where you can shoot cannons off
without hitting a customer?
Maybe we find you a sucker.
Looks like the pessimistic
character's got him, Buzz.
Yeah. The...
Pat thinks Old Man Gloom must
be weighing you down, Gustav.
Well, she's right and I don't
know how to shake him off.
Well, that's the simplest thing
in the world. Hey, Maestro?
Yeah? Do you know The
Pessimistic Character?
We know everything.
Well, come on over here and give
us a helping of it, will you?
One thing about songwriters,
no matter what ails you,
they've got a remedy.
All right, boys,
get me into this, will you?
Be kind and gentle
Polite and nice.
But with Old Man Gloom
take this advice.
Throw him out the window
He can't stay.
How did he get in here anyway?
What do we want with him
around the place?
The pessimistic character
with the crab-apple face.
When he hears a joke
he always cries.
When there's any fun
he darn near dies.
What do you say we laugh
at his sad case?
The pessimistic character
with the crab-apple face.
He's never welcome
anywhere he goes.
Let him stay where he belongs.
In a book of Edgar Allen Poe's.
Why don't we lose him?
We'll wrap him
in a blanket carefully.
And throw him out the window
a-one, a-two, a-three.
It'll be great to wear
a grin and chase.
The pessimistic character
with the crab-apple face.
Never let him get you all alone.
He's the worst companion
ever known.
Don't know
how to keep a merry pace.
The pessimistic character
with the crab-apple face.
Yohnny Yohnson bought a yackass
His brother yumped for yoy
'Cause he named the yackass
Yenny and the yackass was a boy.
By yiminy, said Yohnny who's
to blame for this disgrace.
The pessimistic character
with the crab-apple face.
He's no good at dancing.
He can't sing,
he despises rainbows.
He hates Spring Why do we
want him in the human race?
The pessimistic character
with the crab-apple face.
He's got a handshake
just like a lemon peel.
He's the soul of discontent
with the disposition of a heel.
He's a sourpuss.
He's no good at dancing.
He can't sing.
He despises rainbows.
He hates Spring.
Why do we want him
in the human race?
The pessimistic character
with the crab-apple face.
Well, I hate to be a wet blanket, but
I think we're keeping the place open.
Have some more punch.
Oh, I pass. One more punch, I'd be groggy.
Don't coax them, Pudding-face.
I stay and keep you company.
Attaboy, Axel, you stay here
and cut up a few touches.
Yeah. We touch up a few cuts.
Goodbye, Mr. Erickson, and
thanks a lot. Don't mention it.
It's a pleasure to see a few faces,
even if one of them is Axel's.
Good night.
Good night, Mr. Erickson.
Thanks so much. Good night.
Good night, little squirrel.
I see you later.
Yeah, I hope you can see later.
Good night. Good night.
By jiminy!
This is just like old times.
You remember my sister Lena?
Oh, yes.
She has got eight kids now.
If I could sell this place,
I'd go back to Minnesota.
I wish I could help you.
I only got a few friends
and you're most of them.
Buzz is my friend, too.
Yeah, Buzz is a nice fellow.
I like him, by golly.
You, too? Then, come on.
Let's drink a toast to Buzz.
Yeah, to Buzz.
Well, goodbye, old friend.
I think I go home.
You think you go home.
Goodbye, old friend.
Listen. You remember the time we
went to Minneapolis on a spree?
Yeah, and you dared me to jump
in the river and swim to St. Paul.
And I almost drowned.
Oh, I love to help my friends.
Now, now, now there's little
Pat. She's my friend, too.
I only wish I could help her.
We'll drink a toast to little
Pat. Yeah, a little toast to Pat.
To Pat.
Now I think I go home.
Look out, Axel. You'll break your
fool neck. That is a dangerous place.
Well, goodbye, old friend.
Goodbye, old friend.
Minnesota, Minnesota. Why didn't
I stay there like I ought to?
Oh, Pudding-face, I only wish
I could do something, you know.
I... I like to help my friends.
Now take Crack, that little squirrel. Yeah.
He's my little four-legged friend.
Axel, we drink a toast to Crack.
Yeah, we drink to anything.
To Crack.
Well, then, goodbye, old friend.
This time I think I stay awhile.
Well, here's our penthouse.
Not as swanky as Jarvis',
but the view is just as good.
Same moon, same stars.
And they're not particular
what side of town they shine on.
It's all the same to them.
I like it here, Buzz.
I like this river better, too.
Well, I'm glad you do, Pat.
I wouldn't feel so good if I thought you
were going to be unhappy when I went away.
Why, Buzz, you're not thinking
of leaving, are you?
Looks like I'll have to, Joe.
I've lined up a job in Nevada
that starts in about a week.
We'll hate to see you go, Buzz.
But don't worry about Pat.
We'll take good care of her.
Yes, I want to talk to you
about that.
Joe, I'm going to ask you
to do me a favor. Certainly.
Well, Pat'll be needing some things,
like school and clothes and...
And maybe she could be taking
some more singing lessons.
Well, we'll do
everything we can.
Yeah, I know you will, Joe.
But Axel is holding some money
that we both saved together
and, well, we want you to
take it, just in case...
Till things start breaking a
little better for you, you know.
I want you to take it, Joe.
You'll be doing me a big favor.
All right, Buzz.
Go and talk to her.
You didn't tell me
you were going away, Buzz.
Well, I didn't want
to spoil Axel's party.
But you said we'd always be together.
That's what you said, didn't you?
Sure. And that's the way
I'd like it to be, too.
Only, a fellow can't always
have his own way, you know.
I guess not.
Well, cheer up, be a pal.
Sure, Buzz, if that's the way
you feel about it.
You know how I feel about it.
If I had my way, dear.
Forever there'd be.
A garden of roses.
For you and for me.
A thousand and one things.
Dear, I would do.
Just for you.
Just for you.
Just for you.
If I had my way.
You would never grow old.
And sunshine I'd bring.
Every day.
You would reign all alone.
Like a queen on a throne.
If I had
my way.
Buzz? Pat? Yoo-hoo!
Where is everybody?
Hello, everybody!
Boy, have I got news. Boy,
have you got a snootful.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
Swedish punch, how strong you are.
Boy, have I got news. Yeah,
you said that. We heard that.
What's the matter, Axel? Did
you meet another old friend?
It's more better than that.
Well, tell us, Axel.
It's Gustav.
He's going back to Minnesota.
Well, what did he do
with the Swedish garden?
That's the news. He sold it.
Sold it? Tonight?
Tonight, while I was there.
Oh, man, I pity the poor guy who put
up good dough for that deserted dinette.
Who bought it? We did.
We did.
What? Yes.
Is that that Swedish firewater
talking or are you on the level?
Oh, no, that ain't
the firewater, that's me.
Are you crazy?
No, look. Here's the keys and
here's the receipt, and look.
I paid cash for it, too.
Do you mean to say you gave
our dough to that Nordic nitwit
for a restaurant
that's starving to death?
Yes, and was he happy!
Take care of him, Joe. I'm going to
run down there and get our money back.
Hey, you'd better run fast. I just
put him on the train for Minnesota.
What's so funny about it?
You'll have to stay
in town now, won't you, Buzz?
How do you do, folks? Please
have a little more soup.
Waiter, bring these people some soup and
be sure there's plenty of noodles in there.
Buzz, can I see you a minute? No
complaint about the food, I hope.
No, no, I want you to meet
some friends of mine.
May I present Buzz Blackwell.
Mr. and Mrs. O'Brien.
How do you do? How do you do?
And this lady is Miss Grace La
Rue. How do you do, Mr. Blackwell?
How do you do, Miss La Rue?
You could have saved
that introduction, Joe.
I've seen you on the stage so many
times, I feel like we're old friends.
Oh, well, that's the way
I want you to feel.
The only thing I kind of miss, though,
is that big red hat you used to wear.
Here's the young lady
I told you about.
Pat, I want you to meet Trixie
Friganza and Julian Eltinge.
Hello, honey. How do you do?
Oh, I've seen pictures of you, Mr. Eltinge,
and you were dressed just like a lady.
Yes, but don't forget, I
always had a cigar in my mouth.
Trixie, what's this
I read about you retiring?
Oh, don't believe
everything you read, Marian.
You know Trixie
and her little bag of tricks.
Attention, everybody, please!
Folks, I want to thank you
for your patronage
and for coming here
on such short notice.
My friend who inherited this place last
night was worried about getting customers.
So I told him I knew a lot of show people
and that show people stick together.
I knew you wouldn't let me
down. How do you like the place?
How do you like the food?
Well, now I know you'd like
to meet the new manager.
My friend and a great fellow,
Buzz Blackwell.
Hey, Buzz, come here.
You know something?
Joe's friends was
pretty good spenders.
Hey, hey. Get away
from that pot of gold.
You're just the ringer-upper
around here, I'm the salter-awayer.
I was only going to put it
in our safe deposit vault.
After this, use that belt
just to hold up your pants.
You and that Gustav.
That's not a bad take for lunch,
and on our first day in business.
Hey, what is this?
Where's the rest of the money?
Where's the rest of what money?
Does that look like $183 to you?
Oh, that. We got signed checks for the rest.
They're right in that little pigeon coop.
Here. See? Right there.
That's the ones.
You mean all those people signed for
their lunch and you let them do it?
They're Joe's friends.
You know you can trust them.
Well, what are we going to use for money?
How about the butcher and the baker?
And the candlestick maker.
Yeah, are they going to trust us?
Well, why not?
They trusted Gustav. Look.
He owes them lots of money. See? What?
Oh, this is terrible, terrible.
What's the matter, Buzz? Oh, Pat.
We're through before we start.
That Swedish Jesse James left town owing
more money than we can earn in six months.
You mean
we are bankrupt already?
Maybe we could "yuggle"
the books.
It'll take some fancy "yuggling"
to balance our books, my friend.
Well, do we need a lot
of money, Buzz? Plenty.
Pat, this place is really
in hock.
Well, I think I'll see the chef
and find out what he knows about it.
Pat, where are you going?
Tell Buzz I'll see him later.
A young lady to see you, Mr.
Blair. Her name is Pat Johnson.
Pat Johnson? She says
her uncle is J.B. Johnson.
Oh. Tell her to come in.
Come on in, honey.
Hello, Pat. Hello, Mr. Blair.
Why didn't you tell me
who you were the other day?
Your uncle's
a very good customer of ours.
He is? Yes.
It's nice of you to call.
I don't usually have social
visitors during banking hours.
Oh, but this isn't a social
visit. I'm here on business.
Oh, I see. Well, in that case,
take a seat.
And now then, young lady,
will you please state
the nature of your business?
have some chocolate? Thank you,
I am very fond of chocolate.
Now, you were about to say... Oh, yes.
Well, Mr. Blair,
I came to withdraw some money.
You know, like those people
you showed me.
Oh, I see. And about how much
do you plan to withdraw?
Do you think
you could spare $5,000?
That's quite a lot of money.
I know,
but I need a lot of money.
Well, I think
we might scrape it up.
I assume, of course, you have
that much in your account.
Account? What's that? That's
the money you've put in.
You see, this bank has a rule.
Before you can take money
out, you have to put money in.
That's silly. If I wanted to take
it out, well, why would I put it in?
Your point's well-taken.
However, we have to
abide by our rules.
Now, we might arrange
to lend you some money.
I don't care how you do it,
as long as I get it.
That's the way most people feel.
Well, if you want the bank
to make you a loan,
what have you
to offer as security?
I don't know what that is.
Maybe I can explain.
Now, you have a chocolate bar
here that's worth 10 cents,
and you want
to borrow five cents from me.
I lend you the five cents and
you let me hold your chocolate bar
as a guarantee that you will
pay me back my nickel.
The chocolate bar would then
be what we call security.
And when it's time
to pay me back,
I return your chocolate bar,
and you return my nickel,
plus two gumdrops interest.
I understand now.
Banks only lend money
to people who have money,
even if they've spent it
on something else.
Well, roughly, yes.
Well, thank you just the same,
Mr. Blair. Guess I'll be going.
Why don't you tell you uncle your
problem? Maybe he'd help you out.
Why, he's one of the people
I'm trying to get the money for.
Goodbye. Goodbye, Pat.
I almost forgot my security.
Oh, good afternoon, gentlemen.
Is this table all right?
We won't need a table,
thank you.
Are you the new proprietor? Well,
I'm one of them. My name is Swenson.
How are you? I'm Harris of
the Friendly Finance Company.
We're here to be paid
or we'll attach the place.
Attach it to what?
Very funny.
But we'll have to collect, Mr.
Swenson, or we'll move our property out.
Oh, well, could you give us a little
more time? Say, maybe till Monday?
We're... We're kind of short
of cash, you know.
All right, Mr. Swenson,
you can have until Monday,
but that's
as long as we'll wait.
Oh, thank you. Could you
stay here a minute, please?
I'll go tell my partner.
Buzz? Buzz! Yeah, what is it?
The creditors are here
for their money.
Creditors? Already? Yeah,
but I talked them into
waiting until Monday. Monday?
Yeah, otherwise they attach us
to something.
But that's only three days.
We need more time than that.
You should have called me. Why
did you talk to these people?
Well, they talked to me first.
I'll show you how to handle this.
When I get through talking to them,
they'll give us all the time we want!
They can't do a thing
like that to us!
This place looks different
without any furniture.
Hey, move that stuff from
the kitchen out the back way.
Well, there he goes,
our old friend Gustav.
What could we do? I put the key in the
lock and closed the place, and that's that.
Just think. I told Gustav
I would find him a sucker.
You found one.
I'm sorry about those tabs,
Buzz, but you know how actors are.
They'll pay you
when they get it.
Oh, forget it, Joe. Those few dollars
aren't going to make us or break us.
What I'd like to do
is dig up some real money
and try and save
what we put into the place.
What do you think it'll cost?
Well, the creditors would probably be
satisfied with a couple of thousand dollars,
but it's not that, Joe. The
place needs a shot in the arm.
I'd like to redecorate it, you know,
and get a fresh start on the whole thing.
Buzz is right. Who wants
to sit in a Swedish garden?
Say, you know, meeting a
lot of those old-timers today
gave me a pretty good idea.
I'll bet the public would still
love to see them in action.
You take some of those stars of the past and
put them in a setting of the early 1900s,
and call the place The
Tin Type Club or something,
it might go pretty good, huh?
That's great.
And a lot of those people
could use work, too.
Yes. And those
that don't need the work
would jump at the chance
to get back in harness again.
That's a great idea all right,
but those creditors want cash,
not conversation.
Hello, Pat. Where did you
disappear to? I went to the bank.
The bank? Yes.
You said we needed some money, and
I thought sure I could get it there.
I'll bet you got a hearty welcome. Oh, yes.
Mr. Blair, that's the manager, was very
nice, but he couldn't break the rule.
What rule?
Banks only lend money
to people who have money.
That's a funny way
of putting it.
But I guess you can't expect
people to lend you money
unless they got a fair chance
of getting it back, can you?
Jarvis. Well, it's a long time
since I've heard from you.
Jarvis? What does he want?
What are you talking about?
You know what I'm talking
about. Blair just called me.
Now, I don't want that kid
or any of the rest of you
using my name
to try to borrow money.
Jarvis, you're even sillier
than I thought you were.
Who'd lend a child like Pat $5,000
even with your important name?
Does he think we sent Pat to the
bank? Well, let me talk to that guy.
Listen, Johnson, this is
Blackwell, you remember me?
Very well, but I have nothing
to say to you.
Well, I have something to say
to you. Do you know what I think?
You're a heel. A flat,
miserable, rundown heel.
I'd make it stronger,
only there are ladies present.
All right, Blackwell,
now you listen to me.
Tell my relatives to stay out of my
life, or I'll take steps to keep them out.
That goes for them and you,
and that kid, too.
That suits me fine.
I'm taking care of Pat, and after meeting you
I'm tickled to death that's the way it is.
Give me that phone.
Listen, my dear nephew.
You just look out for your side of
the family and I'll look out for mine.
And don't bother me again
for another 10 years!
Joe, I'm proud of you.
Anybody who can keep from slugging that
guy all these years deserves a medal.
I'm glad he called up. I'd almost
forgotten how much I hated him.
There's an old Swedish proverb
that fits him beautifully.
Oh, here we go again, folks.
"Heaven gives us our relatives,
but we..." Oh, it fits him good.
Well, there's no use talking.
The wrong Johnson has the money.
Now, there's a fellow who could loan
us what we need and never even miss it.
Maybe he would if he thought he
had a chance of getting it back.
Pat, you're a wonder. I've
just been struck by lightning.
Where? Right there. Now, listen.
When you want to borrow money,
where do you always get it?
Not from a bank. Right.
You always get it from a
place you least expect it.
I found that out.
All right, then,
listen to this. Come here.
I'm going to send a wire to Tommy Morgan,
a pal of mine out in Gold Creek, Wyoming,
and ask him to do me a favor.
Boy, if this works, we'll be
killing two birds with one stone.
It will work, it's got to work.
One, two, three, four.
Turn around. Turn around.
Mr. Johnson?
One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
Turn around.
Brenda? Brenda.
Take a look at this.
It's from Gold Creek, Wyoming.
Gold Creek, Wyoming?
Do we know anybody there?
Read it. Read it.
All very interesting,
but how does it concern us?
Brenda, can't you see?
This is the break I've been waiting
for. This may be our financial salvation.
You're talking in bunches,
Jarvis. I don't follow you.
Listen. According to this,
Fred left valuable stocks.
Pat must have them now,
and I'm her closest relative.
Now, when I'm appointed her
legal guardian, simple, isn't it?
Oh, very simple, but aren't you
overlooking one minor detail?
What's that?
Well, the courts do give children some
choice in selecting their guardians.
And after what's happened,
I doubt very much if Patricia
would ever choose you.
Didn't you know
your brother had those stocks?
If I'd known it, do you
think I'd ever have let you
turn the child
out of my own house?
Oh, that's right, blame me
for your stupid mistakes.
This is your fault and you know it.
What's the difference whose fault it is?
A mistake has been made,
and I've got to correct it.
Well, then the first thing you'd better
do is try to make up with your relatives.
Brenda, you're right.
I've been a fool.
Blood is thicker than water.
Why should I be at war
with my own flesh and blood?
You shouldn't. That child
really needs your protection.
Of course she does, my dear.
I'll call Uncle Joe immediately.
Now you go right in and dance
and don't you worry.
How do you do? My name is
Swenson. You remember me?
I do. Mr. and Mrs. Johnson
are not at home.
Well, I only come to get a suitcase.
I think we left it here the other day.
Nothing was left here,
Mr. Swenson. Good day.
Hedges, we are always at home
to our friends.
Well, well, come right in,
Mr. Swenson. Glad to see you!
Oh, thank you very much.
Glad to see you.
How have you been, Mr. Swenson? Well,
I've got a little pain in my arm.
Fine, fine, and how is
our friend, Mr. Blackwell?
Oh, Buzz? He's all right.
Where is Mr. Blackwell?
You mean right now? Yes, yes.
He's out in the hall
waiting for me.
He's outside in my hall now?
Yes, that's right.
Just a minute, please.
Brenda, Brenda! I want
you to meet Mrs. Johnson.
Yes, dear? Look who's
here, dear. Mr. Swenson.
You remember him? Mr. Blackwell's
friend? Oh, yes, of course.
You entertain Mr. Swenson, dear.
I'm going out in the hall
and get Mr. Blackwell.
How do you do, Mr. Swenson? How do you do?
But how sweet of you to come,
Mr. Swenson.
Would you enjoy a little rumba?
Oh, it's too early to drink.
I would rather dance.
Oh, Blackwell.
Can I see you a minute?
You don't want to see me
about anything?
Yes. Yes, I do. I'm afraid
I've been very rude to you.
I'm afraid you have.
Yes, well,
I hope you'll forgive me.
I've been wrong, Blackwell, and I
admit it. Will you accept my apology?
Mr. Johnson, when a man comes
to me and says he's been wrong,
there's only one thing I can do.
Well, I'm glad
you feel that way.
Won't you come in? Thank you.
I won't try to justify myself,
but I've been very upset lately.
You don't have to explain
anything to me, Mr. Johnson.
I know how these family things
are. They happen to everybody.
Yes, yes.
Here we are. Sit right down, Mr.
Blackwell. Will you have a cigarette?
No, I'll smoke this,
if you don't mind.
Not at all, Buzz.
It is Buzz, isn't it?
That's right, Jarvis.
It is Jarvis, isn't it?
Fine, fine. Now, I'll
tell you what's on my mind.
I feel badly about the way I've treated
Pat and I want to make up for it.
Tell me, how is the child
fixed? You mean financially?
Oh, not well, Jarvis,
not... Not well at all.
You mean Fred left nothing?
No insurance?
Just about enough
to cover the debts.
I'm surprised. I thought at
least he'd have a few bonds.
No, no. No bonds.
No stocks either? I know Fred
used to dabble in the market.
Well, I'm afraid the stocks
Fred left won't do Pat much good.
Oh, then he did leave
some stocks?
Well, about 1,000 shares
in some wildcat company.
But I guess Fred
wasn't much of a businessman.
Well, they may have some value. Do
you know who has the certificates?
Oh, I have.
It's a funny thing, isn't it?
You asking about the stocks,
and I had them right here
in my pocket all the time.
You can take a look at them if you want
to, but it really wouldn't do much good.
I had them down to the bank this morning,
and they didn't encourage me at all.
Well, banks can be wrong, too.
Baldwin Development Company.
Never heard of them.
Buzz, I'm afraid you're right.
Yeah, I guess so, but it
was worth a try, anyhow.
Buzz, I want to see
that Pat is taken care of.
Now, if you're agreeable, I'll take
these 1,000 shares off your hands
and pay you their par value,
No, no, no, no, Jarvis,
I couldn't let you do that.
Now, now, now, not a word.
Let me sit there, please.
But that stock isn't worth a quarter.
You're practically making Pat a gift.
Let that be a little secret
between you and me.
You can tell Joe
you got the money at the bank.
Jarvis, I've met a lot of men
in my life, a lot of men.
But very few of them
would do what you're doing.
Oh, forget it.
Just my good deed for the day.
There you are.
Well, thank you. Thank you
for Pat and for all of us.
It's nothing. Shall we
join my guests? A pleasure.
Come on, everybody has
to do the conga.
Look, Buzz,
I'm a jumping jitterbug.
How did things work out?
Everything's okay.
Did you get the dough? Yes, sir.
How much you get? Five G's.
Going to fix that old caf
Going to get started right away!
Hey, wait a minute. Who, me?
Oh, it's you, huh?
Where do you think you're going
to hang that Minnesota Muzzler?
Where do you think? I think
that's just where he belongs.
Well, Buzz, we're all set.
Listen to this for talent.
Eddie Leonard, Blanche Ring,
Six Hits and a Miss, Paul Gordon,
ably supported by...
By a great audience, I hope.
Say, come here. How's this
for a list of reservations?
Looks to me like the stars of yesterday
got plenty of friends today, huh?
You know, we're going to be
packed opening night, Joe?
The more, the merrier.
How's this for a gag?
I thought we'd give these to the customers
and let them tickle themselves to death.
Well, we like them, anyhow.
You know, this is all pretty new to
me, Joe. You think it'll work out?
Think it? I know it.
Hello, Tin Type Club.
Party of 12?
In whose name shall I make
the reservation, please?
Mrs. Jarvis B. Johnson.
It's Brenda. Brenda?
Brenda, darling, this is Marian.
Marian, darling!
I read the ad in the papers and I
wouldn't dream of missing the opening.
I'll make sure you have
a lovely ringside table.
Ask her about Jarvis.
Is... Is he coming?
It'll be so good
to see you and Jarvis, Brenda.
Oh, well, I... I'm afraid
Jarvis won't be there.
He's gone out West
on a big business deal.
Well, I must say goodbye, dear.
I'll see you at the opening.
We'll be looking for you.
Jarvis won't be here.
He's gone out West
on a big business deal.
And if Jarvis has gone
where I think he's gone,
he's in
for a beautiful surprise.
What are you trying to do?
Kill me? It's your own fault.
Are you sure this is the way to
the Baldwin Development property?
Yeah, this is where it starts. If you
want the office, it's right over the hill.
Hello, there!
Is this the Baldwin property?
Yep, every gallon of it.
Well, what happened
to the people who run it?
Must've got discouraged.
They started off digging for
gold, but there weren't no gold.
Then they tried drilling for oil,
but there weren't no oil neither.
Then they divide it up into
streets and that might have worked,
but that's when the flood came.
When did this happen?
Two year ago.
Yep, looks mighty wet
for a gold mine now,
but it sure is
a good spot for fishing.
Ladies and gentlemen, in these
hectic days of hepcats and jitterbugs,
we can't help but believe that a
lot of people must sigh now and then
for the gracious style of
entertainment of a bygone day.
It seems to me that the great brilliant stars
of yesteryear are a lot like diamonds.
Both grow older with the years, but
time doesn't dim their brilliance.
A gem is just as much a gem
today as it was 40 years ago.
We have a famous star
with us tonight.
He's 64 years young
and he's raring to go.
The greatest minstrel man
of all time, Eddie Leonard!
When the sun am sinkin' out
in the golden West.
And a little robin redbreast
there ought to build a nest.
Why ain't you gonna stand for
an old song we all love the best?
Why every evening
the white folks hear me sigh?
Ida! Sweet as apple, apple cider.
Sweeter than all I know I know.
Why, come on out, my love in
the lovin', lovin' moonlight.
Summer lover, I'll whisper
so soft and low.
Seems tho' I can't live
without you Why, listen to me.
Listen, honey.
I idolize ya
I love you, Ida Indeed I do.
Ida, sweet as apple cider.
Sweeter than all I know.
Come out in
the silvery moonlight.
Of love we'll whisper,
whisper soft and low.
Seems tho' I can't live
without you.
Listen, listen, honey, to me.
Ida, I idolize ya.
I love you, Ida.
Indeed I do.
Because I love you, Ida.
Indeed I do.
Here we go again, folks.
Around and around the little wheel goes,
and when she stops, what have you got?
Paul Gordon.
Now, here's what we'd better do.
You wait here, Lieutenant, and
I'll call you when I need you.
Okay, we'll be right here.
I'm sorry, sir, the show
is on. Mr. Blackwell's busy.
He's not too busy to see me.
There he is, the swindler.
Blackwell, I want $5,000
and I want it fast.
Quiet, Jarvis, please. You'll
break up the whole show.
I'll break up more than the show.
You can't get away with this.
Now take it easy. Come on
outside where we can talk quietly.
Baldwin Development Company.
You can't make a fool out
of me! I won't stand for it.
Now, listen, Blackwell, there's
a law against defrauding people.
Now, wait a minute,
nobody defrauded anybody.
Oh, no? How about
that phony telegram?
You took my money for stock
that you knew was worthless.
And I told you it was worthless.
Yes, but you told me in such a way
that you made me think you were lying.
Can I help it if you got
larceny in your blood?
You said that money was
a gift to Pat.
Only you and I know that, and
my word's as good as yours.
Buzz, Buzz, the bicycle act
is near finished. Oh, okay.
Say, Jarvis, wait for me,
will you? I'll be right back.
Wait, nothing. I want my money or
I'll close this place now, tonight.
I'll have it raided...
Now listen, this place is a
hit and nobody's gonna spoil it.
Axel, keep him here, will you?
Be reasonable, Mr. Johnson.
We got a lot at stake here.
I've got $5,000 at stake.
But you got a better chance
to get your money
if you wait till Buzz comes back.
I won't wait a minute longer.
Oh, no, no, no, no. Don't
close the place, Mr. Johnson.
You don't know how hard we
worked to open that door.
I'll get my money
or I'll close it.
Oh, but please, Mr. Johnson, if you
only knew how we struggled to open it.
That doesn't interest me. Please,
Mr. Johnson, let us keep it open.
Take your hands off of me. I'm
going to get those detectives...
Oh, no, you're not.
That's where he belongs, with
the rest of them baloneys.
Where's Jarvis? Don't worry
about him. He's cooling off.
Stay with him, eh?
Anyone past the romper age
must recall with pleasure
such songs as In The Good Old
Summertime and Yip Aye Addy Aye Ay.
The Tin Type Club is happy to present
the star who made these songs famous,
singing the song
she made most famous of all.
Miss Blanche Ring!
Sure, I've got rings
on my fingers.
Bells on my toes.
Elephants to ride upon.
My little Irish rose.
Come to your nabob.
And on St. Patrick's Day.
Be Mistress Mumbo Jumbo.
Jijjibop Jay O'Shea.
For I've got rings on my fingers.
Bells on my toes.
Elephants to ride upon.
My little Irish rose.
Come to your nabob.
And on St. Patrick's Day.
Be Mistress Mumbo Jumbo.
Jijjibop Jay O'Shea.
But, Pat, it won't hurt him.
They keep lamb chops
hanging up in there for days.
But he's not a lamb chop.
You'd better take a look.
And now, by way of variety, we
want to bring you a song of today.
Who knows? Twenty years from now,
this might be an old favorite, we hope.
I used to think a love song
was none of my affair.
But one fine spring I heard
a certain music in the air.
April played the fiddle.
And my heart began to dance.
And I was so surprised
to find my arm around romance.
April played the fiddle.
And I memorized the tune.
And later on, a dream and I
went singing to the moon.
Then May began to gossip.
And June just winked her eye.
And you should have seen
the know-it-all expression
on July.
April played the fiddle.
But here's the funny part.
I had to pay the fiddler.
With my one and only heart.
Then May began to gossip.
And June just winked her eye.
And you should have seen
the know-it-all expression
on July.
April played the fiddle.
But here's the funny part
I had to pay the fiddler
with my one and only heart.
Thank you, thank you very much.
And now, until the next show,
everybody dance.
Hey, Louis! Yes, boss?
Anybody go out the back door
tonight? Not tonight, boss.
Did you see Uncle Jarvis?
He's disappeared.
I don't know where he's gone.
I do.
Jarvis! How did you get
in there?
Blackwell, you will answer for
this! Louis, bring some brandy.
You'll all go to jail.
Now keep cool.
Keep cool? You freeze me to death
and then you tell me to keep cool!
Pat, run and get
your Uncle Joe, will you?
Uncle Joe won't help me.
He's in on this, too.
Take it easy, Jarvis,
now take it easy.
Here, take a shot of this.
This'll warm you up.
Pat, what's your hurry?
Mrs. Blair and I want
to thank you for inviting us.
Yes, it was very sweet of you.
I'm sure your place here is
going to be a great success.
It might be
if we could keep it open.
But why shouldn't
you keep it open?
It's something about money.
Uncle Jarvis is here and he said
he's going to put us all in jail.
Jarvis said that?
Yes, and from the way he
said it, I think he meant it.
Suppose you take me to him.
Excuse me, please.
All right, take it easy now,
Jarvis, take it easy.
Let me out of here. You can't
hold me here against my will.
Leave him to me, boss,
I'll quiet him down.
Oh, Buzz, come here a minute.
Hold him here, will you, boys,
till he's all thawed out?
Now, you be a good little boy.
Buzz, I want you to meet a friend of
mine, this is Mr. Blair, my banker.
How do you do? Hello, Blackwell.
I understand you're having
trouble with our friend Jarvis.
Yes, he is acting a bit unruly.
Do you mind if I talk to him?
You could talk to him, but I
won't guarantee he's gonna listen.
Come on.
The District Attorney will hear about
this. You hoodlums can't bully me.
Hello, Johnson.
Blair. Thank goodness.
I'm certainly glad to see you.
Okay, boys.
What seems to be the trouble?
I've been victimized. This
man cheated me out of $5,000.
Mr. Blair, if you'll only let
me explain, I... Just a minute.
Johnson, I don't know whether you've got
any claim against these people or not,
but if you have, come up to my office
in the morning and I'll settle it.
May I ask what business this is of
yours? I'm making it my business.
Oh, I see. Then am I to understand
that you're going to make good my loss?
You have my word for it.
Very well. I'll be at your office
tomorrow, but for the last time.
We'll survive.
Oh, gee, Mr. Blair,
I don't know how to thank you.
Don't try. And we'll talk about
arranging a loan in the morning.
But you said we needed security.
You have security now, Pat. A going
business that looks like a success.
And Blackwell, I like the idea
behind what you're doing.
I'll see you later. Thank you.
Oh, boy!
Wait till Axel hears the news.
By the way, where is Axel?
I don't know, Buzz. He was...
A Swedish cold cut.
But, Brenda, please.
Wait a minute.
Come on and stop acting like a
hillbilly. It's time this feud was over.
Here we are. Marian, darling,
will you dance with him, please?
I'd be delighted.
Come on, Jarvis. Come on.
How about me?
I'm part of this family, too.
Well, of course, you are.
Come on.
Look, Buzz. Uncle Jarvis is
really thawed out now.
My, my, ain't it wonderful? We're
going to have a happy ending.
Well, that's just the way
it should be, Axel.
You know, Buzz,
it's just like a storybook.
Only, we have no romance.
No romance?
Oh, well, we'll fix that
in a minute. Come on, Pat.
Why, Juliet, I swear
by yonder moon.
That thou shalt ever
be my only one.
O Romeo, swear not
by yon inconstant moon.
For I am far more partial
to the sun.
But the moon was made
for dreamers.
And dreams were made for...
Stop. Stop?
Stop dreaming behind a pillow.
No matter what poets say.
Get up, get out
And meet the sun halfway.
Get into the tub And as
you begin to rub and scrub.
Give out with your version
of the Road to Mandalay.
Don't ever expect
the bright side.
Served up to you on a tray.
Get up, get out.
And meet the sun halfway