I'm Not Gay: A Musical (2023) Movie Script

[dramatic music playing]
[metallic rattling]
[clock ticking]
[ticking continues]
[music continues]
Put a shirt on.
I don't want her
to see your scars.
It's not my weekend.
You think I don't know
about his scars?
Who do you think cleans them up
when you're not around
and distracts him so he doesn't
cut himself to death?
I'm hungry.
I made pancakes this morning.
I need you to watch her.
She's up for a lead in a movie.
A western.
Westerns are for white people.
If she can be my mom,
she can play anyone.
You should be supportive.
Bring these upstairs
and give this one
to Miss Belichnikof.
You can eat with her.
Knock several times.
Her hearing is worse now.
I'm doing this for her, not you.
You look good.
I told you, I have an audition.
I'm not watching her
on your weekend
so you can go on a date.
It's not a date.
[Misha] You figure
if they want to nail you,
you'll get the part?
[Vera] This is why I hate you.
Why'd you come over?
-I came--
-To get your fix?
[Vera groans]
So you could get
that freshly fucked look?
I came over
so you could watch her.
Should we do it here?
I'll move the pancakes.
Why is it so important to you
to make me feel like shit?
-I'll watch her.
I'll watch her.
And don't make her
see you do that.
[pensive instrumental
music playing]
Have you asked me
how I'm doing for a change?
How you doing?
I want to go get ice cream.
[Misha] Fine.
That's it? Fine?
[Misha] You want an argument?
[Brooklyn] I want something.
At least Mom tries to engage me,
you just follow me around
trying to erase
all traces of my existence.
There's no ice cream in here.
Keeping it cool for my dad.
[Skeeter] Misha's no dad.
He just knocked up
a hot white girl
and made you.
That's actually
the biological definition
of being a dad.
[Skeeter] Does he pick you up
from school?
Ever ask you how you're doing?
Misha's no father.
He can change.
[Skeeter] Even my sister knew
he couldn't raise you.
Why do you think
she adopted you?
She always has a soft spot
for lost causes.
Why is it so important to you
that I hate myself?
[Skeeter] Hating ourselves
is what fuels us to be great.
Why do you think
your dad's invincible?
Nothing anyone can do to him
is worse than
what he does to himself.
[iron thumping]
[Brooklyn] Wanna see
the dance I'm doing
for the school show in the fall?
-No dancing.
-I got a solo.
Okay, so it ends like this.
[Brooklyn grunts]
[Misha sighs]
-[Brooklyn] Teach me that.
-I can't teach it.
You can either do them
or you can't.
[Brooklyn] Do it again.
I came to pick up Brooklyn.
I don't have time for this.
We were up late
watching a movie.
Let her sleep.
I hate you.
And me.
For wanting this.
I'm not such a bad guy.
But I need more than this.
[Misha] There is nothing more.
[Vera] There is when you dance.
[Misha] I don't dance.
I'm not gay.
[both moaning]
[Vera] Just do it fast and come.
Wait, wait, wait.
[Misha] I want your ass.
You know
there's no anal from me.
Ever. Maybe you are gay.
-[Misha] Don't.
Are you gay, fighter man?
[Misha] I'm not gay!
[glass shatters]
You can't go five minutes
without triggering him?
Just being alive triggers him.
No weakness.
That's why you're drawn to me.
And that's why I left you.
Let's go.
Nudge your couch,
then tilt the screen
Everyday the same routine
Once it's all aligned,
I'll be okay
Move the carpet to the right
Taking orders every night
Just to make
these voices go away
Take a shot
A bit of calm, Amen
Take a breath
before I scream again
'Cause I hate the way I feel
Wish I could erase
all of the memories I hide
The mess inside
I try to put things
in a line
'Cause maybe I'll be fine
If I can keep it straight
And straighten out
the mess inside
I make a cut,
a small incision
It's not a suicidal mission
Just a way
to let this feeling out
Oh, and then,
fuck yes, a small release
For a second I'm at peace
It's like
I'm in the cage again
The chaos drowns
the fear and doubt
Feel it bleed,
some kind of ecstasy
Try forgetting
what's inside of me
And I love the way it feels
Letting me believe
I can escape the rising tide
The mess inside
But all at once
I feel betrayed
'Cause dammit I'm afraid
No matter what I've tried
I can't escape
this mess inside
Some things you bury deep
You vow to forget them
You swear
you can let them go
But no,
they stain your very soul
Like you are less than whole
Scars on top of scars
And it gets hard to know
what's really even me
I can't go on like this
Fighting myself
Hating myself
'Cause I want
to feel control
Want to one day feel
a sense of peace
A sense of pride
And I won't hide
I won't be crippled
by the shame
'Cause I won't be to blame
This time I've had my fill
I'll kill the part
that haunts me still
I'll cut until that part
of me has died
The mess inside
My mess inside
[dramatic music playing]
I need another prescription.
[Dr. Rubin] Can't keep
doing this, Misha.
[Misha] Just two weeks' worth.
All I've done is enable you.
Here's someone.
She's retired,
but she'll see you
as a favor to me.
[paper rustling]
Dr. Casper?
She's gonna give me
the prescription?
That is the prescription.
To go see Dr. Maxi Casper.
-[Misha] For medicine?
-For psychoanalysis.
A shrink? Absolutely not.
And this-- this address.
Fire Island. Is this a joke?
She's retired.
She lives there now.
They're all gay there.
I can't go there.
[Dr. Rubin]
Then I can't help you.
Then send in a new doctor.
I did. Dr. Casper.
[Dr. Rubin sighs]
Go see Dr. Casper.
And by the way,
I put a note in your file
so no pharmacy
will fill your prescription.
[paper rustling]
[Misha sighs]
[tense instrumental
music playing]
[birds chirping]
[knocking on door]
[banging on door]
[Mr. Osbourne]
The open house is over.
I'm looking for Dr. Casper.
[Mr. Osbourne] Number five.
There's no house numbers here.
Aren't you supposed
to be a woman?
It says "Maxine."
[Mr. Osbourne] I call it
the hall of mirrors.
[Misha] I'm not letting you
examine me here.
Take me to your office.
Here we examine ourselves.
To see the past we hold inside.
[piano music playing]
There was a house
where you could be free
Far from the world
where the pines meet the sea
Men could hold hands there
and kiss without fear
Paradise found,
that house was here
There was a time
they called us sick
Deviant men they could
torture and kick
Living a shame
through no fault of our own
Hiding away, always alone
But here on this island,
a fantasy grew
A homeland
for queens and for queers
With boardwalks
and speedos and lesbians too
Where riots and raids
Where Stonewall
and AIDS disappeared
Here in this house
history's alive
Memories of all those
who didn't survive
All of these walls
have seen joy
Have seen pain
They know our fight
Wasn't in vain
Close your eyes.
-I don't have time to--
-Close your eyes.
First position.
[music continues]
Here in this house
Here in this light
I don't know what it is
But it feels right
Something is stirring
A taste before dawn
Memories of joy
I thought were gone
There was a time
All of this time
They called us sick
I felt sick
Trapped in a world
Trapped in a cage
Where they torture and kick
Living a shame
But I want something more
We wanted more
Something I lost
back from before
We were lost
but now here on this island
A fantasy lives
I don't know what it is
A homeland
for those cast aside
But I feel like
A place without shame
for the people
Who give you their hearts
In my heart
Who swell with pride
I can tell
Here I'm less
of a mess inside
I feel it here.
The way I felt with Sergei...
my ballet teacher, be--
before he...
Sell me this house.
[Mr. Osbourne]
It's not for sale.
The sign outside said it was.
[Mr. Osbourne]
It's for sale only to a gay man
who stands
for what we believe in.
I am gay.
[Mr. Osbourne]
But still in the closet?
I'm afraid that's worse.
Name your price.
You said
you came here for treatment,
not to buy a house.
I don't need treatment.
I need to own this house.
-Own this room.
I need this house,
I don't know why
I know it's bizarre
But I swear I'm your guy
I know I'm far from ideal
at first glance
But I can be more
I want to be more
Please give me a chance
I can pay in cash.
For us,
Fire Island is like
America was to the pilgrims.
Or the millions
of other immigrants
that nobody wanted.
A place to be ourselves
where we can live as we believe
out in the open.
Though you talk of money,
your life is a lie.
I'm afraid my answer's still no.
Then why show me this?
Why make me want it?
That's a question
for a psychiatrist,
not a gay man selling a house.
But you are a psychiatrist.
Dr. Rubin sent me here.
You're Dr. Maxine Casper?
Everybody calls me Maxi.
Misha and Maxi.
M&M. [laughs]
Fate has a sense
of humor sometimes.
This can't be right.
You're the psychiatrist,
not... her.
[Maxi] You're wearing too many
clothes for Fire Island.
What are you hiding?
I'm not like you.
You're like you think I am.
Hiding in disguise
in women's clothing.
I need this house.
I need what you've created.
What we've created
is a way of life,
not just a house.
I'm willing to live that life.
Then I'll make you an offer.
I'll rent you the house
for the summer
while Maxi treats you.
I need to own it.
You have until Labor Day.
If with Maxi's help
by the end of the summer
you convince my neighbors
you can live
an open, honest life
as a gay man,
then, and only then...
I will sell you the house.
If I'm living
as an openly gay man
by Labor Day,
you'll sell me the house?
You can move in full-time
for the summer next weekend
after Maxi and I
move to our new house.
[Misha] Full-time?
It's the only way
to join the community.
To see if you can become
part of our fabric.
Next weekend.
[Maxi claps]
That was quite a performance.
[Misha] I've gotta have it.
It's like...
coming home to a place
I've never been before.
Well, the heart does want
what it wants.
I had a mentor who once said,
"We all have a sacred space,
the one place
where we are truly alive."
Some of us never find it.
Of course, his sacred space
was a basement laundry room
on East 93rd Street,
but that's another story.
You talk a lot for a shrink.
My sacred space
is inside my patient's thoughts.
Even when those thoughts
are lies.
We can meet three times a week.
And you've got to wear
more appropriate attire.
Show some skin.
I want to see those scars.
And maybe then I'll write you
that prescription you want.
[Rush] I'm Rush.
I'm one of the neighbors.
Mr. Osbourne said
we were supposed to come over
to judge you--
I mean, welcome you.
-[Misha] It's not ready.
-Oh, sure looks ready.
Oh, it tastes ready, too.
I mean, I'm getting
so hungry these days.
It's like I'm going through
a second childhood.
Except I never finished
the first one.
You're staining the tablecloth.
Stains are a good thing
and that's why
God invented stain remover.
Stain remover doesn't work.
It does if you use
my secret ingredient.
I'll bring you over a bottle
after we finish our rehearsals.
-[Misha] Rehearsals for what?
-[Frank] Smells good.
I need something
in my mouth right away.
What you need
I don't have time to give you,
but I need a drink to wake up.
[Misha] Rehearsal for what?
Are you the new guy?
From Queens?
-[Misha] The Bronx.
-You sure?
Mr. Osbourne said Queens.
You want a drink?
I need a drink,
like, five minutes ago.
Hey. No, absolutely not.
No ma'am. No ma'am.
Go put something on.
He also said you're a dancer.
[Misha] Fighter.
Uh, try to contain the mess.
[Frank] No,
he definitely said a dancer.
Oh, that's see through.
Um, do you have any coffee
for Mr. Fahrenheit here?
-He needs something to wake up.
-[Rush] Shoes.
[Frank] Fahrenheit,
get your feet off the table.
[Rush] Oh, don't waste
your breath on him.
[speaking in Spanish]
He has a massive hangover.
You see how he always uses
the word "massive"
to refer to me.
[Rush] We should
sit down and eat.
I will help you clean it.
We will return it
to its virgin state.
[Frank] Sit down, Queens.
One of these will make you
forget all your troubles.
[Mr. Fahrenheit]
Make sure you compliment him.
You'll have a friend for life.
[Rush] Welcome to Fire Island.
No extra virgins allowed.
[Frank] Let's go,
it's rehearsal time.
[Misha] Mm-mm. Not here.
Mr. O always lets us
rehearse here.
He said you were
trying to fit in,
so why are you questioning us?
Not here, no dancing.
Every Labor Day weekend
there's this contest
down at the docks
and this is the year
we're finally gonna win.
Here. We'll show you.
They used to say
that gay meant being happy
But most of us
were closeted and sad
But here we found a place
Where being gay's
not a disgrace
And the men are flaming hot
I'd say it's not so bad
Beautiful gays
wherever you look
All of the strays
the world rejected
Beautiful gays
who know how to cook
Some are cliche
Some unexpected
Sensitive men
who listen to you
Sensual men
who want to do you
A beautiful face is fine
But let's raise the bar
Beautiful gays are guys
That love who they are
[inaudible arguing]
Beautiful gays
who know how to smile
So many ways
to woo you, charm you
Beautiful gays
just dripping with style
Graceful chasses
that will disarm you
Sensitive souls
to spend the day with
Sensitive holes
that you can play-- ah
Beautiful both on the out
and on the inside
Beautifully gay
means you radiate pride
We've been doing that step
for three years.
It's always on the left. Always.
I'm sorry.
Let's just start over.
We can't start over
at the contest.
You need to get it.
It should be to the right.
Yeah, we always do it
to the left.
[Misha] Follow me.
He's right. It is to the right.
As was my natural instinct.
As it usually is.
[Rush] I am at a loss for words.
That's a first.
It was better than sex.
Let's take the advice
of the extra virgin from Queens.
Let's show him our
Singing in the Rain parody.
I think he has good advice.
-[Frank] Shh! Dancing.
Five, seven-- uh, eight.
All I do is dream of Stu
the whole day through
During gym I think of him
but what to do
Chances are
he's probably straight
Guess I'll just go master--
Being in the closet,
not great
Look, he's gay,
look, he's gay
Get this queer out of here,
go away
I'm sobbing in the rain
Just sobbing in rain
What a horrible feeling,
rejected again
Make 'em pay
That's right
Make 'em pay
Oh, I will
All the bullies
who got in your way
Get outta here
They called you names
You suffered a lot
Yes I did
But now
you're tying the knot
Gary and Larry
are planning to marry
But Gary
Said Larry precariously
It's scary, I'm wary
Said Larry, but Gary said
on the contrary
Not me
Gay morning, gay morning
We're out it's time to shout
Gay morning,
gay morning to us, to us
Gay morning, gay morning
We're proud so shout it loud
Gay morning,
gay morning to us
To us, to us, to us,
to all the beautiful gays

Are you kidding me?
Why are you facing us?
I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
You need to calm down.
[inaudible shouting]
[music continues]
Beautiful gays
are bells of the ball
Here to amaze you
and astound you
Beautiful gays
are friends above all
When you lost your way,
it's them who found you
Sensitive hearts
you can complain to
Sensitive butts
to entertain, ah
Beautiful both on the out
and on the inside
Beautifully gay means you
Wear it with pride

Go ask him.
If you join us,
we can finally win.
-[Misha] I don't dance.
-You just did.
You were doing it wrong.
[Rush] And you just
had to correct it
because your gay ass
couldn't stand to see
it performed wrong.
I don't dance.
You imitate someone
who does pretty well though.
Why does it matter?
Ever since grade school,
I was always the fat, ugly kid
who never won.
With you,
we can actually win this thing.
And those queens
on the Fire Island Crew
will finally have to
suck my dick for a change.
I thought Mr. Fahrenheit
sucked your dick.
That bitch?
He can't give head for shit.
The pretty ones never can.
I just pay him to hang around
so people think
that I can get a boy like that.
Yeah, he uses me to compensate
for his shortcomings.
And believe me, they're short.
You're gonna dance, Queens,
and make us win that contest.
-We do need you.
-For what?
To win.
Why does a contest
matter so much?
When you want something
for 20 years,
you feel like
there's something wrong with you
if you never get it.
[pensive instrumental playing]
[Skeeter] Harder.
Oh, you're training
like a pussy today.
Or like a little girl
named Brooklyn.
[Misha] I'm quitting.
[Skeeter] You might
as well quit breathing.
-[Misha groans] I'm quitting.
[Skeeter] Continue.
You're gonna quit on me
like everyone quits on you?
I got you the pills.
Didn't you see 'em?
[Misha] I can't take
any more pills.
[Skeeter] You can't quit.
It's not up to you.
I do what I want.
You can't because you won't.
The fighting life
is a deal with the devil
To unleash the rebel
inside your cage
The fighting life
is the dark side of heaven
A place you can revel
inside your rage
[electric guitar solo]
The fighting life
is a heartbeat racing
A fear worth facing
to feel alive
Tortured souls
where demons are hiding
Need to be fighting
to survive
you are broken, Misha
No one wants you
Here, there is glory
You can fight
what haunts you
The fighting life
is a shot of adrenaline
High like you've never
been high before
Taste the blood you're
caught in the heat of it
Punch to the beat
of the drums of war
The fighting life
is my deal with the devil
To unleash the rebel
inside my cage
The fighting life
is the dark side of heaven
The place I can revel
inside my rage

The fighting life
is a shot of adrenaline
High like you've never
been high before
Taste the blood you're
caught in the heat of it
Punch to the beat
of the drums of war
The fighting life
is a deal with the devil
To rise to the level
of king of the cage
The fighting life
is the dark side of heaven
The place you can revel
inside your rage
Misha, you're messed up
like the rest of us
But you're the best of us
You don't crack
I know all the darkness
you're hiding
You'll keep on fighting it
You'll be back
I need you back

[music ends]
[tense instrumental music]
[pills rattling]
Your mother got that part...
so you're stuck with me.
-Now pack.
[Misha] Listen, Brooklyn.
I need to tell you something.
-That you're gay?
It was a joke.
You know, like, if this
is the premise for a movie
where the father
takes his daughter
to Fire Island to reveal
to her that he's gay.
I'm not gay.
I know.
I've seen you with mom.
I mean, not seen you,
but you know what I mean.
-Can you keep a secret?
Are you really asking that?
I need you to pretend I am gay.
Just while we're on Fire Island.
Oh, my God.
This is like a movie.
Except it's a bad movie.
I don't think I want
to know the answer to this,
but why do I have
to pretend you're gay?
So I can buy a house.
How is being gay
gonna get you a house?
This makes no sense,
even for you.
The guy won't sell to me
unless I'm gay.
He gave me until Labor Day
to prove that I am.
So you're gonna pretend
to be gay to get a house?
Wait 'til you see the house
and the hall of mirrors.
What's in it for me?
A summer on Fire Island.
I want a summer in New York City
with my friends.
How about, um,
me not murdering you?
I'll tell you what I do want.
In exchange for me
pretending that you,
the straightest man
I ever met, is gay...
you're gonna teach me
to do a pirouette.
[Misha] No.
I'll teach it,
but I can't make you learn it.
You'll find a way.
That's why they made you a dad.
And I can teach you to be gay.
I don't need your help.
-[Brooklyn] Says who?
I bought a new hat.
[Brooklyn] You're gonna need
more than a hat.
Remember when you were little
and we'd play dress up?
[lively piano music playing]
We'd pretend
that we were pirates
Just by putting on a hat
Now my role to play
is someone gay
I bend my wrist
something like that
Please don't
I'll tell them
I've been in the closet
It was dark and cold
Oh, was it?
Yes and now
I'm ready to come out
Somehow I doubt that
They'll eat it up
and you should too
I've lost my appetite
Well boo-hoo
It's only just pretend
I know exactly
what I'm doing
Doo, doo, doo
So you can just relax, kid
It's all as simple as
The pancakes on your plate
Wait, what?
We need to keep
our story straight
And by straight
you mean gay?
Yes, I mean gay
Pretending you're gay
We get it, okay?
Your references are ancient
Oh, yeah?
Outdated and offensive
Come on
I know you think you know
But what you know
is not comprehensive
Gay culture
isn't just RuPaul
Who's that?
Oh, boy, okay start small
There's not just
gay or straight
There is a spectrum
Like a rainbow
Yes, there's trans,
there's bi, there's queer
Oh, my, I can't keep up
You have to try
It's more than just pretend
You've got no clue
what you are doing
Doo, doo, doo
So you should listen up, kid
We've got a ways
to go to get you up to date
You need to get
your story straight
Fine, so help me
get my story straight
Okay, don't try to fake
your physicality
Or talk a certain way
You can be tough and buff
and full of scruff
And still be just as gay
It's more about
what turns you on
For some it's brains,
for others brawn
Just try to keep it straight
So they can know
which side you're on
-With me so far?
-I think so.
You've got jocks
and twinks with daddy kinks
Cubs and otters,
wolves and bears
what's with the animals?
Well, it tells you
how much body hair
How do you know all this?
I go to public school
in New York City.
-Now focus.
-Now what?
You go!
Don't try to fake
My physicality
Or talk a certain way
Keep your
I can be tough and buff
And full of scruff
And still be just as gay
It's more about
Don't mess it up
What turns me on
For some it's brains
Or you will wish
For others brawn
You tried
Just try to keep it straight
So I can know
Keep it straight
Which side I'm on
Gotta try
to keep it straight
Try to keep it straight
Gotta try
to keep it straight
Because it's more
than just pretend
You've gotta work
I've gotta work
At what you're doing
At what I'm doing
Doo, doo, doo
So you can level up, kid
So I...
It's not so simple
So you need to concentrate
So I need to concentrate
We need to keep
Your story straight
My story straight
What do we need?
Need to keep
Your story straight
My story straight
And by straight we mean gay
Pretending I'm gay
This could be a mess
I was just gonna say
We need to keep
our story straight
[melancholy piano music playing]
Let's play a little game.
I'll say something
and you say the first word
that comes to your mind.
-[Misha] Fine.
[Maxi] Time's up.
[Misha] We need to keep going.
Our time is up.
-I'll see you on Friday.
-No, no, I did what you asked.
-I answered your questions.
We made progress
and we'll continue on Friday.
You can't expect me
to feel like this until Friday.
Like you didn't get to come?
[Brooklyn] I'd like to be gay.
I could kiss a girl.
-This is important.
-Being gay?
How I've been
living in the closet
and you only just now found out.
So does it bother you
that I'd be gay
or that I'd pretend to be gay?
[Misha] Both.
Just stick with the program.
What have you done?
You've ruined them.
Now I have to start all over.
Dad, it's fine. I'll eat them.
You know,
you can't pour the syrup
directly on the pancake stack.
Only once the pancakes have
been transferred to your plate.
Sorry, I've been living
with a normal person.
It slipped my mind.
Good morning all.
I baked croissants.
Not actually from scratch.
And I actually
used the microwave...
but you've got to try them.
-Who are you?
-I'm Brooklyn.
And that's my dad, Misha.
-He's gay.
-Is he?
You're basically
exactly his type.
Oh, how long are you with us?
All summer.
[Rush] This is perfect.
He does make a mean pancake.
No, about you being here.
My nephew Carey's
coming out this weekend.
Now he'll have
someone to play with.
How old is this Carey?
He's 16 and gorgeous.
Oh, that is perfect.
Yeah, my dad was just telling me
that he loved to see me
with an older boy.
You know, so I can
learn about sex and all that.
[Rush chuckles]
Oh, oh, there.
Oh, this is perfect.
Look at that!
Misha, Misha, it's like
the cover of a magazine.
Plus the syrup is all soaked in.
Dad loves his syrup soaked in.
Right, Dad?
I'll be right back.
Don't worry about it.
He'll forgive you.
I think he likes you.
These are ruined now.
[Rush] Why do you say that?
You can only put
the syrup on the pancakes
after they're on your plate.
It's one of my dad's rules.
About him liking me.
He told me on the ferry.
He didn't say your name,
but I know it was you.
Anyone wanna go to the beach?
[soft guitar music playing]
[waves crashing]
[birds chirping]
Who's that?
It's our turn,
we need to make them leave.
[Rush] It's them.
Going along on purpose. I--
-Our nemesis.
The Fire Island Crew.
[Rush] They've won
the past five years.
No, now.
The rules are we can't watch
another group's rehearsal
'til the day of the show.
But it's our time
for the studio.
They're doing this
on purpose to taunt you.
So let's taunt them.
-[Rush whimpers]
-[Misha] Hey!
We have no choice.
That's my dad for you.
All testosterone.
I love it!

What's the matter with Misha?
[Rush] Looks like he's seen
a man with two penises.
I met a man like that once.
The fuck you have.
What's wrong with your dad?
You don't want to know.
I'm guessing he knows him.
This is gonna be good.
Should we do something?
Just stand back.

That was awesome.
You really can dance!
I mean, until the end,
of-- of course.
Well, that was rude.
You really
don't understand men, do you?
He just lost.
I shouldn't have said
anything, should I?
-Oh, boy.
-I screwed that up.
I wouldn't worry about it.
Is he always
like this after he loses?
Pouty, but then he cheers up?
I don't know.
Never seen him lose at anything.
[Frank] I knew
you were in the closet.
I can smell it.
Guys like you are easy to spot.
You can't touch me, Frank.
I just did, Gene Kelly.
And I'm gonna
beat you in the cage, too,
in our upcoming rematch.
I'm done fighting.
You're gonna take up
dancing full-time?
At a loss for words?
Losing seems to be
contagious for you now.
I'll see you in the cage,
Flat on your back.
So you want me
to go back to cutting?
[Maxi] I want you to see
what you're made of.
If you have to cut
yourself apart to do it,
then so be it.
[Misha] Get back up,
do it again.
I want you to figure out
how to reach me.
-How to fix me.
-That's the trick, isn't it?
Any suggestions?
[Brooklyn] You're the worst
teacher I've ever seen.
Can't you help me?
[Misha] Getting up
is part of learning.
You need to look
at the same spot on each turn.
[Brooklyn] Well, sure,
it looks easy when you do it.
[Misha] Try it again.
You're supposed to make
suggestions to me.
I can't fix myself.
That's the only thing
you can do.
You're a terrible teacher.
-You can't quit.
-I'm not quitting.
I'm leaving you alone
to figure out how to teach,
how to be a father.
I should have
just stayed at home.
By now, I could have
straightened the entire house.
You know as well as I do
this is no place to be straight.
You need to come down
to the beach.
We saved a spot for you.
I need to straighten up first.
Get rid of all this dirt.
Oh, yes,
that would drive me crazy, too.
My secret mix works well,
doesn't it?
It's the one thing
I inherited from my father.
He didn't leave me a cent,
but I got
his secret cleaning recipe.
[Misha] What is in it?
I'll have to die first.
And believe me,
you don't wanna know.
[emotional music playing]
My dad died when I was six.
Do you know
why they call me Rush?
Isn't that your name?
My name is Steven.
But everyone calls me Rush.
After Rush Limbaugh.
Because I have
a couple Republican ideas.
Since college.
So for 20 years I've been Rush.
[Misha] You want me
to call you Steven?
Only if I can trust you.
You should never trust me.
Why not?
I'm a man.
Do you really believe that?
[Misha] Only men would bash
each other's brains in
and call that
a living or entertainment.
Only men would dance
with the beauty
and the grace of gods
and call that entertainment.
We see men differently.
You see one side of men...
I see the other.

Can you hold me
loose enough so that I can spin?
Can you do that?
-What the hell are you doing?
-What you asked.
I didn't ask you
to try to get to second base.
We haven't even kissed
and you go straight
for my breasts?
What the hell was that?
Well, you know,
now we've been to first base.
[Brooklyn] I like you, Carey.
Don't ruin it.
Uh, uh, sorry,
I just-- I was just leaving.
[Misha] Step away from her.
-Dad, it's nothing--
-Close your eyes.
Not you.
-Close your eyes.
-[Brooklyn] What?
Close your eyes now.
Stand up straight.
Take off your flip flops.
-First position.
First position.
Now, prepare...
and turn.
Can I open my eyes?
[Misha] When you've done
a complete turn.
How will I know that?
You'll just know.
-You did it.
-I did it.
Dad, I--
He's gone.
I did it.
Now I just have to learn
how to do it with my eyes open.
[Carey] Close 'em again.
You are so dead now!
Oh, my God. Get out of here.
[Vera chuckles]
[Misha] You look like a star.
Not yet.
Wait here,
I'm gonna go put on my new suit
so you can see how tan I am now.
You look relaxed, Misha.
-[Misha] So do you.
-[Vera] Mm.
[Misha] I mean, you look good.
Look at this suit and at my tan.
Don't I look fabulous?
You look amazing.
Fire Island
looks good on both of you.
It's actually
not as bad as I thought.
But you should probably know
that Dad's gay now.
[Vera chuckles]
What are you talking about?
He's finally out of the closet.
[Misha] Brooke.
Now's not the time
for joking around.
-[Brooklyn] Who's joking?
-[Rush] Well, hello there.
Who do we have here?
I'm Vera. You are?
I'm Rush.
I was just telling Mom about
how Dad's out of the closet now.
She didn't know?
You didn't know?
Know what?
Why don't we go down
to the beach, Brooklyn?
What's going on, Misha?
Um, trying to fit in.
[Vera] As a gay man?
Why don't we make
a detour to the bedroom
and I'll show you who's gay?
Mm. There's the same old Misha.
No foreplay. No talking.
Just boom. Right to fucking.
That used to be
how we'd say hello.
You know,
how I got past your defenses...
saw the real you.
This is the real me.
You like?
Why don't you go down
to the beach with your daughter
and I'll get out of these...
and I'll come meet you there.
Why are you
pretending to be gay?
Mm. And how does
a straight MMA fighter
make such good pancakes?
Who's a straight fighter?
-[Vera] Who are you?
-And what the hell do pancakes
have to do
with being straight or gay?
[Vera] Who are you?
Who are you?
And what are you doing here?
I'm Vera, Brooklyn's mom
and Misha's ex-girlfriend.
You're Brooklyn's mom?
[Vera] When her birth mom
left her with Misha,
he barely knew a diaper
from a condom so I adopted her.
You're a more generous person
than I'd ever be.
I'm Pablo.
You're wearing my bikini.
Your bikini?
Listen, I paid good money for--
You're Pablo Garcia?
-The swimwear designer?
This is your bikini.
[Vera chuckles]
-You wear that for Misha?
-God no.
I wore it as a reward
for finally getting a film.
-[Vera] Thank you.
How do you know him?
Oh, mostly through his pancakes.
-What should I know about him?
Well, anyone that
makes pancakes this good
can't be all that bad, right?
Well, that's what I thought
when I saw him dance.
-[Vera] He danced for you?
Did I take the train to Oz?
Most people do come here
looking for something.
Why are you here?
I guess I wanted to know
if it was worth it.
[Pablo] To be a star?
To be wanted.
When he wants you,
it's like nothing else
in the world matters.
It's intoxicating.
It's because he's a winner.
Makes you feel like you've won.
-It's more than that.
-Oh, yeah?
With Misha, it's--
it's like he's
13 years old again.
Like his entire existence
depends on getting
what he wants.
So, if you're what he wants,
it's like you hold the power
of life and death over him.
Why'd you come out here then?
It's like a drug.
I came to see Brooklyn
and I'm all sandy.
-I don't want to have sex.
Well, Rush is already
getting addicted.
Oh, my God.
You came to get laid,
I can see it in your eyes.
I came to see my daughter.
Pass the syrup, will you?
These pancakes
are stupid good, oh, my God.
She's not even
your real daughter.
What did you say?
You know what I meant.
Maybe you should
have sex with Rush.
He seems ready
to offer up his ass.
-I'm not gay.
Then what the hell
are you doing, Misha?
I'm figuring out my life.
[Vera] I'm gonna tell them
what you're doing,
-who you are.
-Not one word.
Get your hands off me.
You can't tell them.
What's going on?
-We're leaving.
-I'm staying.
You're coming
to the city with me.
Mom, please. Dad?
Let her stay. I need her.
So you can
continue your charade?
-Go back to your movie.
I'll make it work.
I want him to make it work.
[Brooklyn] He will.
[upbeat piano music playing]
I was only 17
You stole my heart,
and by stole
I mean you took it
And you crushed it
on the floor
For years I tried
for Brooklyn's sake
And maybe
that was my mistake
To think that you could
ever give me more
But now just
looking at you makes me cry
Wishing you could let me in
Or even try
'Cause I know
the way you feel
Know how much it hurts
To hate yourself,
to feel no pride
That mess inside
I fought with Father
every breath
And not until his death
could I start letting go
And dealing with
my mess inside

You're in pain
the way that I was too
Maybe that's why
I can't help
Still loving you
But you need to find relief
Need to find a way
To cast
your demons all aside
The mess you hide
I know you think
I'm full of spite
But I don't want
to fight you
So I'm letting go
I hope you find
Some peace inside
[music ends]
I think syrup should always be
separated from pancakes.
I make a breakthrough
and that's your response?
A breakthrough?
Sweetie, you've barely
scratched the surface.
Just like you do when you cut.
You call this surface?
I call it an attempt
to distract you
from your secret.
I don't have a secret.
That's why you're so angry.
Because you can keep a secret
and she can't.
You can inflict
any amount of pain
rather than reveal
your precious little skeleton.
I'm not gay.
You're on Fire Island
pretending to be a gay man.
So I can buy a house!
One that finally
feels like home.
A home that only
a gay man would want.
Will you keep it
all neat and tidy
and make Martha Stewart pancakes
like a cute little gay man?
-I'm not gay!
-Prove it.
Hit me, Misha.
Hit me like a straight man.
I don't hit women.
But I'm not a woman, am I?
Say it, Misha.
Say what I am.
A washed up drag queen?
Oh, now, you can do
better than that.
You're a fake.
A lie.
You're a man wearing a dress.
This is a crop top and shorts.
Spoken like a true queen.
But not a lying,
scared shitless queen
from the Bronx
who'd do anything
to avoid the truth.
[Skeeter] August 30.
That's a week before Labor Day.
[Skeeter] Is that a problem?
[Misha] I told you I'm not
training during the summer.
Pick a later date.
[Skeeter] That would be
a sign of weakness.
[Misha] You'll do as I say.
I can't and I won't.
[Misha] Postpone it, Skeeter.
You need money
to buy this house of yours,
your dream house?
[Misha] I have money
from the last time
I kicked Frank's ass.
You are misinformed.
How am I misinformed?
How am I...
I used that money
to book your rematch
on August 30.
[Maxi] Why do you
let him control you?
-[Carey exclaims]
-What does he have on you?
I need to know what to do,
figure out what's inside of me.
What the hell was that for?
Sure looked to me
like you needed to cool off.
-You're crazy.
-I'm crazy?
What do you want to do, Misha?
Beat Frank Diamond.
Spoken like a man who can't
ever make an honest choice.
-That is a choice.
-[Maxi] A choice from a man
who cuts himself to see
if he's still alive.
I haven't cut myself all summer.
Except last night
after you saw Skeeter.
How do you know that?
What do you call what
you were doing by the beach?
Hope you enjoy spending
the rest of your summer
by yourself.
Take your hat off, Misha.
And you let him rule you,
he's the one person alive
who knows your secret.
You don't know
anything about him.
He was there for me
when nobody else was.
You betrayed me?
No, you betrayed you.
I'm saving you.
What do you want, Misha?
To beat
Frank Diamond.
To beat all of them.
Then I can't help you.
-Go follow her.
Because, my dear idiot child,
she wants you to.
Yeah, you don't know that.
I know more about love
than you do.
And don't come back here
until you're ready
to face the one opponent
you can't beat.
I won't ever be back here.
This is my last fight.
For you or anyone else.
Is the commotion finally over?
I got a headache.
And the last thing I need
is this puppy love subplot.
No, don't sit down.
We need to move these chairs.
-You promised you'd help.
There better be a strong drink
at the end of this.
[Rush scoffs]
I only hope
I'm as lucky with her dad
as Carey is with her.
It's a mistake.
He's a good person.
I can sense that.
And I'm gonna have him
and I'm gonna prove
all you doubters wrong.
Moving the chairs is a mistake
and anyone can see
he's straight.
[Rush] Have you seen his ass?
[Rush] Don't call
my future husband straight.
Even Brooklyn was trying
to tell you he's not gay.
[Rush] She was not.
She said things
are not always as they seem.
[Rush] But can you lift?
Don't scratch the floor!
[Pablo] Well, this one's broken,
so I don't know what
you want me to do about it.
[Rush] And if he's straight,
then what is he doing here?
[Misha] Rush?
[Rush] At your service.
I need to pack.
I'm going back to the city.
I don't have time for this.
[Rush] I brought
some body oil for you.
Get up, you're getting oil
all over the seat.
Stop it, Rush.
[Rush] I'm not taking no
from you any longer.
-Stop it.
-Tonight, you belong to me.
These are ruined,
you got oil
all over the pillows.
[Rush] Misha.
I'm right here.
You see.
You feel the passion between us.
The way you make me feel.
What did you say?
You make me feel this way.
-Take it back.
-[Rush] What?
Take it back.
I didn't make you love me.
Take it back!
[Rush] Stop it, Misha.
What, isn't this
what you wanted?
[Rush] Let's go to bed, hmm?
You can take me there
however you want.
Get up and fight me like a man.
-Get up!
-[Rush grunts]
[Rush wheezing]
[Rush] Help me.
[Misha] I am helping you.
I'm teaching you to take it
like a man, like I did.
[Rush sobbing] Please.
-I'm sorry.
-[Misha] What?
[Rush] I'm sorry.
You should have been sorry
all those years ago.
-I hate you.
You're gonna clean that up.
No, I'm not.
I'm going back to Fire Island
with or without you.
Where are you gonna stay?
With Rush and Carey.
At least Carey says he loves me.
You never say that.
I'll have to call Mom.
She's on a movie.
Why do you have to
ruin her dreams, too?
-Help me clean this up.
-Be my father.
-I am.
-Then live as a gay man.
I'm not gay, Brooklyn!
[cutlery clattering]
[Brooklyn] You could pretend.
How am I supposed
to get Mom to love you now?
What are you talking about?
Why do you think I wanted you
to teach me that pirouette?
To show Mom
that if I could tame you,
then maybe she could too
and we could be a family again.
This is all family is.
Everything else is bullshit.
Go back to your closet.
He could've been
the kind of dad
Who picks me up from school
Who doesn't lose his cool
And he could've been
the kind of dad
Who tucks me in at night
Who wants more than a fight
A shoulder I can cry on
Someone to rely on
But I'm the one who worries
if he's gonna be okay
I'm pretty sure with parents
It should be
the other way around
And I think about
The life I could've had
If I had a different dad
A different dad
I could've been
the kind of kid
Whose ignorance was bliss
But I'm stuck in the abyss
Where I have to
watch him swallow pills
After stitching up his arm
Sick of raising the alarm
He'd fall apart without me
Wish he could care about me
But I'm the one
who holds him
When he's shaking
on the floor
I help him stop the bleeding
While I wish
I could ignore it all
And I tell myself
It's really not so bad
But then he gets mad again
And I try to count to ten
But he yells
and that's when I wish I had
Wish I had
Give me
the kind of dad who worries
If I'm gonna be okay
But I'm stuck in a family
Where it works
the other way around
And I dream about
The life I could've had
If I had a different dad
A different dad

[tense music plays]
[upbeat music plays]

[Vera] Brooklyn had to come
get me off the movie set,
because she had no idea
where you were,
or what had happened.
-Didn't Skeeter come get us?
-My brother's gone.
-He's gone.
He took the prize money.
[Vera] Your money?
Our money?
Frank beat me fair and square.
Whatever I had is his now.
Well, that's just great, Misha.
What are you gonna live off?
What about Brooklyn?
You're gonna go
be a big movie star now,
you don't need me.
I needed you to be a father.
She needs that.
What am I supposed to do now?

Let yourself outta your cage.
You used to be just like me.
That's why,
despite everything...
I thought we could
build something together.
But I can't keep picking
at the same scars forever
like you do.
I'll still find them.
You're the only one who could.
The only one I let know
what my father did to me.
And I loved you for that.

You deserve more than a cage.
I love you.
Doesn't that matter?
What do you know about loving?
You can't love someone,
if you can't even stand
being yourself.

What kind of doctor are you?
I'm asking for your help.
What's in it for me?
-Oh, you want money?
-I have all the money I need.
Then what do you want?
Whatever it is, I'll do it.
I want you to say no to me.
To tell me to go fuck myself,
to tell me that our
relationship is all about you,
that my job is to help you.
You said I focused
too much on me
and not on you.
Misha, the whole point
of seeing a psychiatrist
is to focus on your needs...
but you allowed me
to turn it on its head.
Let me force you
to have sessions doing yoga,
to rearrange
my bookshelf for me,
and even now,
you offer to do
anything that I want,
as long as I'll help you.
As long as I do my damn job.
What do you want me to do?
Get out.
I want to be inside you.
[upbeat music plays]
Dig under the surface sheet
Under your fingers
scratch 'til you reach
The ugly side
of you have to do it
Reach deep within you
root out your demons
Follow the rabbit
into your darkness
Down to the breakdown
You have a trauma
me, I have mine also
We may be different
but we share
The shame of repression
Shame of self-loathing
cutting for comfort
If you want a breakthrough
we have to break you
Down, down, down
'Til we break down
doesn't make us brave
Cutting doesn't mean
we're tough
It's an illusion inside
Sink into our subconscious
Scrape the bottom
Grab the nightmare
Look it straight in the eye
But who are we, Misha?
Why, why did we come here?
If we're too weak
to face the thing we fear
Facing the memory
now relive the trauma
Look, look at what happened
breathe underwater
Hurry before we drown
And we break down
let it break down
To the breakdown
breakdown, breakdown

I have this body
I have this spirit
I choose to show you
what you needed
See how we got you
wrapped 'round my finger
Searching for demons
if you want a breakthrough
We have to break you
down, down
'Til you break down
[Misha] I was 13 years old.
He raped me.
Your dance teacher.
It wasn't rape.
He was like a father to you.
It wasn't rape.
Because you're gay?
I was gay.
Just what we need.
Another clich.
He didn't rape me.
Because you turned him on?
You seduced him.
Beautiful muscular Misha.
You danced for him
and you seduced him.
And you made him fuck you.
What did you want me to do?
He's still inside you, isn't he?
And now
everyone's laughing at you
for having his cock up your ass.
For wanting
his cock up your ass.

Skeeter gave me this.
Taught me how to fight...
so that no one could
get the best of me again.
[Maxi] And now no one gets to
see the best of you, do they?
I need to know
how to be straight.
How to cut him...
out of me.
[Maxi] Do you know
why I wore this, Misha?
Because it turns you on?
I wore it for you.
They don't know
what it was like.
He was so proud of me.
[Maxi] Hmm, I see it.
When you let yourself
be a father...
and when you dance...
when you stop being a victim
and become someone who chooses
who he wants to be...
who he wants to fuck.
I'd give anything
to find that person again.
To feel the way I felt
when I danced with Sergei.
Paper planes
and ballet shoes
Playing games you never lose
When you learn
to dance the blues
When they take
the light away
Dreams of glory feeling high
Looking up
and touching the sky
All those dreams
were meant to die
'Cause they took
the light away
Try believing in a person
who believes in you
You give them everything
Let 'em take you,
let 'em break you
'Til what's left
is just a shell
Just a hell,
just a shadow that you wear
As you swear you can go back
and find the light again
Find the light again
find the light
I had promise I had dreams
When he split me
at the seams
Now I don't know
what promise means
'Cause he took
the light away
He took my light away

Can't take the light
can't take the light away
Can't take the light
can't take the light away
Take the light away
Can't take the light
Can't take the light
Can't take the light away
Take the light away
Can't take the light
Can't take the light away
Can't take the light
Can't take the light
Can't take the light away
Take the light away
Can't take the light
Can't take the light
Can't take the light away
Take the light away
Brooklyn needs me
like I needed him
But I've been lost
out on a whim
No matter what
the shit I'm in
I won't take her light away
Oh, we are mortals
Who live as gods
We live in light
By grand facades
Our fight to live
I'll damn the odds
I won't take her light away
She is my light today
I won't take her light away
Can't take her light
Can't take her light
Can't take her light away
Can't take her light
Can't take it,
can't take it, yeah
No, I can't
No, can't take it
Can't take it
Can't, her light
Her light
[Maxi] Life's not about
finding yourself.
It's about creating yourself.
That's why being here
is like coming home
to a place
you've never been before.
A place where
we don't need mirrors.
Make yourself
who you want to be.
The Misha
that will make you proud.
You wanna borrow one?
I think we both
look better as we are.
You with it...
and me without.
[Maxi] Out with you,
while the getting out's good.
[Misha] Got you, though.
Get out.
Anything you can say to me,
you can say to all of us.
-[Misha] I'm sorry.
-[Rush] You already said that.
[Misha] I'm sorry
for making you feel
the way that I feel.
[Rush] You're only sorry
'cause you don't get the house.
[Misha] I'm sorry
because I don't get to
hang out with you anymore.
You guys made me feel like
I was part of something
that mattered.
-Like I mattered.
-What mattered was the contest.
-We can still win.
-The contest is today.
And who is this we, fighter man?
-[Misha] All of us.
-You said it yourself.
You're not gay,
so you can't perform.
It's not in the rules.
He spent the whole
damn summer lying to us.
You want to be a winner or not?
[chuckles] Not with him.
-[Misha] I've changed.
-Like hell.
Suppose we put you on the stage,
you'll betray us up there, too.
[Misha] Let me back in.
Let me show you
how much you mean to me.
-We'll have to vote on it.
-[Pablo] Oh!
Who made you the boss of me?
[Mr. Fahrenheit] Our flaws
are what make us worth loving.
I vote yes.
So do you. [exclaims]
Fuck this up, Queens,
and Frank Diamond
will seem like a vacation.
-It's up to you now, Rush.
I was afraid.
Of what?
Disappointing you...
once you realized
who I really am...
what's been inside of me.
I'm not as shallow
as I make myself out to be.
Then let me dance, Steven.
Well, I do like
watching your ass move
when we dance.
[chuckles] So...
Let's do this.
[Mr. Fahrenheit] On three.
One, two, three.
Let's dance!
[upbeat music plays]

A five, six, seven, eight
Beautiful gays
are bells of the ball
Here to amaze you
and astound you
Beautiful girls--
-[record scratch]
-[music stops]
[upbeat orchestral music plays]
Beautiful gays
are easy to find
All of the strays
the world rejected
Beautiful gays
will challenge your mind
Some are clichs,
some unexpected
Sensitive men
who hypnotize you
Mystery men
who still surprise you
A beautiful face is fine
But we've raised the bar
Beautiful gays are guys
That love who they are

Beautiful gays
are bells of the ball
Here to amaze you
and astound you
Beautiful gays
are friends above all
You lost your way
but then they found you
Some of us queer
and one who's other
All of us here
stick by each other
Being ourselves
Being proud
of wearing our scars
Beautifully gay means we
We, we
Love who we are
Beautifully gay means you
Love who you are
[soft music plays]

[upbeat music plays]

[music ends]