I'm Reed Fish (2006) Movie Script

Top of the morning to you,
Top of the
morning to you, Mud Meadows,
and, well,
welcome to The Fish Show.
The time is now 8 o'clock and 30 seconds,
so that means,
if you're one of those people
that has to be at work
by 8:00,
it might be a good time
to quit lollygagging,
get up, and get your butt
out of the house... now.
Leos, your dream catchers
have been working overtime.
And for those of you
under the sign of Aquarius,
Unexpected events
may cause your chakras
to fall out of alignment.
Chakras? Alignment?
Well, it sounds like
it may be a very interesting clay
for all us Aquariuses.
And those
are today's horoscopes.
Thank you, Maureen.
You are welcome.
And I am Reed Fish, and you're
listening to The Fish Show,
the radio arm of Mud Meadows'
double threat
news and information source, Mud
Meadows Radio and Television.
And now for the news...
brought to you
by our good friends
at Peterson Nursery
Feed and Tackle,
who want to remind you
that their special
on 50-pound bags of manure
ends Thursday.
Peterson Nursery
Feed and Tackle,
your one-stop
vegetation destination.
Now, civic boosters
have raised concerns
about the height of the hedges
around City Hall,
and I can't help but wonder
what our mayor has to say
on the issue.
I have no comment on the
hedge situation at this time.
Thank you.
Thank you, Your Excellency.
Well, We all know
this is a hot topic.
Oh, and it looks like
we've got some calls,
so let's go to the phones.
Uh, caller, you're on The Fish.
Reed, Patricia Rafferty.
These hedges are an outrage.
Someone should be fired.
Now, Patricia, i... I don't think
there's any need for that,
but thank you for your call.
Okay, caller,
you're on The Fish.
Then, Reed,
what's the solution on these hedges?
Well, I've always thought
that the simple solution
would be to have our guy, Gary
the gardener, take care of it
instead of bringing in that
topiary specialist twice a year.
He's right about that.
Damn straight he is.
Not only would it save the city
money in the long run,
but it would get those hedges
back into compliance
with the shrubbery ordinance
of 1957, which, of course,
states that all ornamental
shrubbery at municipal buildings
must be a minimum of 18 inches
below any Windows.
Thank you for your call.
Next caller,
you are on The Fish.
Caller, you're on The Fish.
You are on The Fish.
Thank you for your call.
So that just about does it
for today's broadcast.
Don't forget to tune in Thursday
to our TV show on channel 27,
where we'll be covering today's
triumphant return of Zeke,
our world-famous prodigal zorse,
who has been overseas on a tour
of South American petting zoos.
Wait a sec.
Frank Cortez has just handed me
a late-breaking news bulletin.
Let's see here.
Oh, it's a Fish Show
traffic alert.
Leonard Moore has a flat tire
out on Baker Road,
so keep your eyes peeled,
and if you have a minute,
stop and give Leonard a hand,
because with his bad back, he
shouldn't be lifting any tires.
Well, Leonard Moore
shouldn't be lifting anything.
Let's face it.
All right, we'll be back
tomorrow here on your radio,
so with that, my friends,
have a marvelous day
in the Meadows.
Great show, guys.
Thank you.
Maybe one of these clays,
you'll actually show up on time.
Well, i... I just like waking up
to the sound
of your sweet voice.
Yeah, well,
if you'd come any later,
we would have had to put
Frank on to read the news.
Hey, did you guys know that
the human eye expands 45%
when looking
at something pretty?
Interesting, isn't it?
Isn't that interesting?
Hey, so, Frankie, you know
where I want the camera set up
for Zeke and everything, right?
Of course.
And I've got some
of my own ideas
for some shots too.
All right, cool.
We can go over them
when I get out there.
See you at the Petersons'.
If I lift my head
from the bed of stars,
the ocean wide...
if I call your name out,
would you carry me
on inside?
And if I close my eyes...
How are you, Leonard?
Oh, I've seen better days.
I'll bet.
We've got to make this quick.
You got to get ready
for the zorch.
Oh, yeah, I know.
It's a very big story.
You know, you're beginning
to look like your dad
more every day.
Oh, thanks, Leonard.
But I'm on my way.
Yes, I'm on my way.
I said I'm on my way, yeah.
But I'm on my way.
But I'm on my way.
Hey, Andrew.
Oh, hey, man.
I need to talk to you
about something.
So I had this dream last night
that Chuck Norris
was trying to teach me
how to cook chicken piccata.
So I think I should come on
The Fish and, like, analyze it.
I mean, I get the symbolism
that, like, Chuck Norris
is the guy and all that,
but what about the piccata?
You know what?
I think that answer
has to come from Within, man,
to be perfectly honest.
Wow, that's so true, man.
Thank you.
Yeah, you got it.
You should totally buy
that camera, by the way.
Hey, Reed Fish.
I was wondering
if you were gonna notice me.
You're here.
I know. I'm here.
Dude, watch the merch.
Hey, sorry, man.
So you look great,
same as always.
Thank you.
You've changed a lot, though.
I mean, you...
you look really good.
I know.
Guess I didn't look...
Dude, you're knocking over
my career.
It's fine.
Sorry, man.
Sorry about that.
What are you doing here?
Uh, well, my mom wanted me to
pick up some 40s of malt liquor
for us to have with lunch,
so I figured, you know,
while I was here,
I'd hang out with my cousin
for a few minutes.
What, your mom sent you
to go get 40s?
Reed, have you completely
lost your sense of humor
in the last four years?
Come on.
Um, well, anyway, I got to go.
I have to go cover this story.
The zorse has returned.
Oh, great, okay.
Well, it's so good to see you.
Yeah, it was really good
to see you too.
Do you want to come with me?
Hey, hey.
Oh, he's almost here.
All right,
give me the apparatus.
Hey, Frankie.
It's so good to see you.
It's good to see you too.
This is a surprise.
Don't you have a show
to do or something?
Oh, yes, right.
Of course.
I don't know;
start with a medium shot.
And I'll zoom the zorse.
Gosh, it's so cool that you're
the new voice of Mud Meadows.
I mean, I practically grew up
listening to your dad.
Mr. Fish,
stop staring at her boobs.
We're working.
Dude, I'm not.
Shut up.
No, no, no, no,
nothing that concerns you.
So, you know, while you're here,
you should come on The Fish.
No, you don't want me
on your show.
Local girl makes good.
People eat that stuff up.
But I haven't made good.
You went to college.
That is not making good.
It is in Mud Meadows.
Come on, it'll be a cakewalk.
Okay, but I don't know.
Well, we'll figure
something out.
How long are you here for?
Um, all summer, actually.
Hey, Reed,
your eyes are 45% bigger, by the way.
Seriously, shut up.
I'm so funny.
Yeah, but, you know,
I just needed to come home,
just regroup.
Nice shirt, Reed Fish.
I don't know... take some time
away from my life, you know?
Right, yeah.
That's cool.
Hey, we should hang out.
You know, like old times.
I'm getting married
in three weeks.
Oh, yeah? To Kate Peterson?
Oh, you heard?
No, just lucky guess, I guess.
What about you?
You, uh, getting married?
Oh, no.
Uh, my boyfriend, Gabe, and I
are kind of just...
Sorry, you guys,
but the zorse has arrived.
All right.
Yeah, quit zorsing around
and get to work.
Want to press the button?
Yeah, just tell me when.
On one, okay?
It's a very special day
in Mud Meadows as Zeke,
our one and only zorse, makes
his triumphant return home.
How's-how's Zeke feeling today?
Oh, he's excited,
but he's glad to be home.
Oh, that makes sense.
And so it's a cross between a...
A zebra
and a thoroughbred racehorse.
And who impregnated who?
The daddy's the zebra.
The daddy's the zebra.
And I hear
that he likes apples a lot.
Is this true?
fantastic. Shall I try to feed him?
Yes; in fact,
I think he wants one.
That's a good boy.
Fish out.
What do you do with it?
Do you ride it?
Do you milk it? What?
Oh, yeah,
you just zorse around, I guess.
Hey, did Katie tell you
how many cars
she sold last month?
She is the number one
in the entire
Peterson retail empire.
Oh, please.
Just-just let your old man
be proud of you, okay?
You know,
I'm still thinking salmon
for the wedding.
I think that's gonna
be really nice, Maureen.
Wait, i-I thought the choices
were prime rib or chicken.
I thought that
those were the options.
No, babe, the color
salmon for her dress.
Oh, right.
Because I'm a Pisces.
Oh, right, yeah.
Hey, did you get your
measurements in for your tux?
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, good.
Hey, which reminds me,
you ever smoked a Cuban?
I think I'll just help Kate
with these dishes,
and then
I really got to go home.
Well, okay, looks like it's
just the boys then, mano a mano.
So, uh, Irv, what is
the difference between,
like, a Cuban
and a regular cigar?
Well, a Cuban is made in Cuba.
Besides that.
It's, you know, richer.
It's fuller.
It's more flavorful.
I tell you what, though.
In reality, it's the embargo.
It's just a lot more exciting
to smoke an illegal cigar,
you know?
Something wrong there, kiddo?
It's all this wedding
crap, ain't it?
It's just...
I don't know.
It's kind of weird, like...
Irv, we're going to be family.
Hell, you've always been
a member of this family.
Man, your... your dad and me
were like brothers,
and Nancy and your mom, they...
Well, they'd just
be damn proud of you
is what I'm trying to say
and not just the wedding
but your life... everything.
You're doing exactly
what you were born to do.
You know, this... this town
depended on your dad.
Now they depend on you.
And I couldn't be happier
about you and my Kate.
I mean, it's going to be
tough on me when she moves out.
Which reminds me,
there's a little something
I've been meaning
to talk to you about.
Yeah, sure.
It's about your wedding night.
I don't know how to say this.
You know my Katie's
a virgin, right?
So I'm just asking you
as a favor, man to man...
Just Shittn' Ye.
I just totally
freaked you out, right?
Irv, I think I'm gonna throw up.
Well, can you do it over there
behind the gazebo?
Yeah, you bet.
There you go.
Good boy.
Morning, sleepyhead.
Rise and shine.
You don't want
to be late for work.
No, i... I am up, up, and up.
Well, I mean, I have
the alarm set, AKA Maureen.
Oh, okay.
look very pretty this morning.
And how would you know that?
Oh, because you look pretty
every morning.
Oh, that's so sweet.
Now, listen, don't forget we're
supposed to meet Mrs. Sandstrom
after the show today.
Oh, and hey, Kate, try to...
Try to not zorse around too much
at work there today, okay?
Um, Reed, just so you know,
that joke isn't funny.
Don't use it on the show.
Give me a kiss.
Go get 'em, tiger.
Wherever you lead,
I will follow.
Be your...
perhaps tomorrow.
Wherever you lead,
I will follow.
All right, so let's bring
all the citizens of Mud Meadows
up to speed on your life, Jill.
So after you graduated,
you went to college.
Talk into the microphone.
Oh, yeah, sorry.
Yes, college,
the University of Texas
at Austin.
And your degree was
in economics, right?
But I heard a...
I heard a wee bit of a rumor
through the grapevine...
I heard a wee bit of a rumor
through the grapevines
that you're going
to law school this fall.
Word gets around.
Yup. Yes, it does.
That's... that's just
Mud Meadows for you.
Oh, you know,
but I miss it so much.
I mean, I actually
really miss Mud Meadows.
It's so good to be back.
Just-I don't know.
It just gives me perspective
or something.
I just keep wondering
why I ever left
in the first place.
Yeah, Why was that?
Why... why did you leave?
I guess it's just that
all my dreams and aspirations
weren't right next door
to my house.
My life wasn't
already set up for me.
I wasn't so lucky.
Not everyone can be.
Well, it looks like
we've got some calls,
so let's go to the phones,
which, today, is sponsored
by Peterson Sporting Goods.
Peterson Sporting Goods: your
one-stop recreation destination.
Hello, caller,
you're on The Fish.
Reed, Patricia Rafferty.
Hi, there, Patricia.
Um, do you have a question
for Jill?
No, my business is with you,
Why, well, what seems
to be the trouble?
Well, I was walking my grandson
to school this morning
and crossing the street
of Jackson and Cedar,
and we were almost run over.
This car came out of nowhere.
Yeah, yeah,
I know. That's a very bad intersection.
Well, maybe the
mayor would like to come on the air
and explain why
there's no stop sign there.
Well, yeah, I mean,
hey, come on, Patricia.
We all know that Maureen
is really just a figurehead.
So, no, I think
we'd be much better off
getting old
Georgie Porgie Henderson
over at Public Works
on the line,
and I happen to have
his number on speed dial.
Reed, this is George Henderson.
Look, I appreciate
Miss Rafferty's concern,
but I'm afraid there's nothing
we can do about it right now.
The budget's too tight...
Look, no, I understand that
you guys are busy, George,
but this is, like,
a public safety issue.
I mean, what about dipping
into your discretionary fund
to pay for a little bit
of overtime?
That fund's only
for special circumstances.
And taxpayers' children
nearly getting run over to death
doesn't count
as special circumstances?
I'll have a crew over there
Thank you very much, George.
Have a nice day.
Oh, thank you, Reed.
Oh, of course, of course.
Thank you for your call,
Next caller, you're on The Fish.
It's... it's John Penner calling.
Hey, John.
Oh, my God,
it's so good to talk to you.
How's your mom?
Oh, uh, she's good. Thanks.
I... I just wanted to tell you
that we're
all really proud of you
down here at the coffee shop.
Okay, bye.
Awesome call, man.
Oh, John, great call.
Great call.
And with that, my friends,
have a marvelous day
in the Meadows.
That's such a great line.
I love that.
Well, you know, it was
my dad's kind of tradition.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You did an amazing job.
You're a born natural
radio personality.
Oh, right, please.
Oh, no, you did.
Oh, it's so good to see you.
Yeah, it's been way too long.
I know.
Hey, congrats on hooking
this Fish here.
Oh, yeah, thanks.
Oh, my God, I hope
you're in town for the wedding.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I will be.
Man, it's a summer of weddings.
You know Andrew
and Theresa are...
Yeah, well,
Reed's in that wedding.
Did he tell you?
He's one of Andrew's groomsmen.
No, no, no,
he didn't mention it,
but Andrew did, like,
ten times, so...
Oh, excuse me.
Oh, hey, Gabe.
Are you ready to go?
To go where?
Mrs. Sandstrom.
No, it didn't show up
on the caller ID.
Where are you calling from?
No, I don't Want... I can't
talk about this right now.
No, I'm good.
We can go.
'Cause we got to get there soon.
No, we're done.
Okay, bye.
It's okay.
So what are you up to tomorrow?
It's Friday night.
We should all go out,
the four of us,
and relive high school.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, actually,
I was kind of planning
on hanging out with my parents
and watching Wheel of Fortune,
but I could probably
squeeze you guys in.
Okay; well, excellent,
'cause that will give us
a chance to catch up,
'cause we have got to run.
We've got the caterer.
Yeah, see you, Jill.
Thank you for coming in,
and squeeze us in.
Hey, Jill, I bet you didn't know
that polar bears
are left-handed.
Can't wait to try
that asparagus again.
Sorry, what?
The asparagus.
The asparagus.
What are you talking about?
Mrs. Sandstrom's asparagus.
Mrs... ah, the asparagus.
What, you don't like it?
Uh, I don't know.
It tastes asparagusy.
You act like
you don't even care.
Well, I don't, really.
What's the problem?
We lost sound.
It's just a loose
connection, though.
It happens all the time
with this projector.
Hi, there.
So it appears as though
we're having
some technical difficulties.
Great movie, Fish!
Andrew, shut up.
You're the one who looks right
in the camera after every line.
Yeah, it's called acting.
So we'll try to get that up
and running as soon as possible.
How much longer, Ralph?
I... I don't know.
All right, I got it back.
Oh, my God.
There she is.
She's here.
Well, you invited her.
Yes, but I didn't think
she'd actually show up.
You're here.
I am.
You invited me, so...
I did invite you.
You look good.
So it's been a while
since the old, uh...
Yeah. Yeah.
You look good.
You just said that.
I'm sorry.
That's all right.
Don't worry about it.
What do you think of the movie?
I don't... I don't know.
It's, um...
Yeah, I know.
I guess it must be kind of weird
to see our story up there
for everyone to see.
Yeah, I...
| just... I know I hurt you.
I know I did.
Uh, we're good to go in there.
Okay, thank you, Ralph.
I guess we'll talk afterwards?
All right.
Okay, um, thank you
for your patience, Mud Meadows.
Fish out.
Why do I have to be concerned
with every single little
detail about the wedding?
We're getting married
in three weeks, Reed.
We're standing in front
of our caterer's house,
and you don't want
to discuss the asparagus?
No, I don't.
I just-I don't
understand you, Reed.
I mean, this is one of the
most exciting, romantic times
of our life,
and you barely care.
Well, that's not true.
That is not true.
I just don't want to have
to talk about it continually.
Well, then I guess we just have
nothing to say to each other.
Well, frig.
You know I don't like it
when you use that word.
I know you
do love me like a sister do,
but just stop once and
treat me like a lover would.
Nice to walk, talk,
and to hold you.
Talk to the sunrise, baby.
Oh-ho, so sad.
So sad.
The girls kicked ass
on this game, I have to say.
Mm-hmm. Some things
never change, I guess.
No, they don't.
It was luck.
Oh, yeah, losers
buy the next round, boys.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What was that?
I'll help you.
Oh, you're so sweet
to take pity on him.
I am.
What song is that?
Man of La Mancha.
I'm so glad I came out
with you guys tonight.
Oh, yeah, me too.
Doesn't it feel like
we're in high school again,
but we're all cooler?
And the service
is still horrible.
Hey, Jill.
Hey, Rex.
Oh, hey, Rex.
I heard the show,
and I think it's hella sick
you're going to be a lawyer.
Oh, thanks. Yeah.
Well, what are you
up to these days?
Nothing, really.
I mean, I'm thinking
about founding
an internet start-up company.
You know, I'm getting
the money together now,
the venture capital,
and, like, it's number
crunching and spreadsheets,
and I don't want to get into it.
It's complex.
Okay. Wow.
Well, that's...
Good for you, Rex.
That sounds cool.
Reed, did you get
the proposal I sent, or...
Dang it, man!
Come on, Rex.
Come on, Rex.
So, Jill, | just...
I came over to say
I'm sorry for the way I acted
when you broke up with me.
Oh, it's...
No, no, I shouldn't have
yelled at you like that
or threw that hamburger at you.
You know what, Rex?
It was a really
long time ago, so it's...
No, it's never too late
to say you're sorry.
Well, thanks.
That's really sweet.
Yeah, well, I've changed a lot
since you knew me.
I went through anger management
and stuff.
Yeah? Oh.
Don't get me wrong.
I still party, though.
Well, that's...
that's great.
Yeah, it's pretty rad.
You guys getting beers or what?
Yeah, yeah, right.
Hey, Rex, what you been up to?
Just having a dance-off
with my buddies.
A dance-off?
Okay, I'm done.
All right.
That was nice.
Anybody want to go to Murray's
for a little bit of a nightcap?
Yeah, I'm game.
I can't.
I have to work in the morning.
We're getting
a new car in, so...
Yeah, no, count me out.
Somebody has to be
at the station on time: early.
Oh, well,
if no one else is going...
No, I mean, it's cool.
We'll have fun.
All right.
All right, cool.
A You guys:
See? This is better
than going to a bar.
No, you're right.
You're right.
But, I mean, Mrs. Henstrom's
not going to wake up, is she?
Come on, she's half deaf.
How many times did We
do this in high school?
She never woke up once.
Yeah, good point.
Good point.
No, no, no, no, I know it.
It's, um, Spar... Spar...
uh, uh, Spartacus Zopia.
That's what it is.
That's-you and
your fake constellations.
Like, like, I swear, for years,
I thought the... uh, what was it?
Gordita Borealis was real.
Oh, yeah,
good old Gordita Borealis.
So stupid.
It's not stupid.
So why are you here this summer?
I don't know.
A million reasons, I guess.
Such as?
I didn't finish college.
I dropped out two years ago.
I don't know.
I just could never
tell my parents, you know?
They expect so much of me
and they're so proud of me,
and... I don't know.
And then law school?
Yeah, right.
I'm a waitress.
Well, I mean, a waitress:
that's a really
good job to have.
No, I mean
the money's really good
with, like, tips and everything.
You're really sweet,
you know that?
I... I mean, I'm just saying
it's a good job.
I didn't drop out of school
to be a waitress.
Well, no, you dropped out
to write songs.
That's what you've
always wanted to do, right?
And are you writing songs?
Yeah, sometimes.
Good. Good.
I... I played a set at this place
in Austin a couple weeks ago,
and, um, it did not go so hot.
I don't know.
I'm just...
I'm not cut out for it, I think.
Jill, it's your passion.
It's, like, what you want to do.
You got to keep trying.
I mean...
everything will work out.
It always does.
Does it, though?
I don't know, Reed.
It just seems like, you know,
happy endings only happen to
people in the movies, you know?
Yeah, maybe you're right.
So Kate's really great.
You're really lucky.
You and Kate really
leaned on each other when...
When my father fell asleep
at the Wheel, killing himself,
my mother, and Kate's mother
all at the same time?
why can't I interview people?
I don't know.
What's up, man?
Ah, it's just Kate.
Listen, the closer it gets
to the wedding,
the weirder they get.
How would you know?
You've never even lasted
with anyone more than a week.
Hey, I know women, okay?
Why, because you still live
at home with your mother?
You think I should
get married, right?
Dude, what are you
talking about?
Kate Peterson
is the whole package.
She's totally hot.
You've known her forever.
I mean, you guys
are so meant to be together.
Yeah, I know.
Reed, this is the best decision
you've ever made, seriously.
Don't get cold feet.
Yeah, I know.
You're right.
You're right.
I don't think you realize
just how lucky you are, Reed Fish.
The sheriff gave Princess
a ticket for loitering.
Well, the sheriff
should have known
that only animals
used for transportation
can be issued citations.
How can a chicken break the law?
It's complete poppycock.
That it is.
Well, this law was designed
to protect animals,
but the sheriff's unfortunate
and brazen misuse of his power
could, unfortunately,
undercut the very freedom
of our creature companions.
Fish out.
Ooh, nice shot, baby.
Oh, yeah?
Was it a nice shot?
That was a nice shot.
I'm like, "What's up?"
Oh, great,
it's the high five lovers.
Hey, Andrew, Theresa.
Hey, man, what's going on?
Not a heck of a lot.
It's getting pretty close, eh?
We're going to be a couple
of married dudes pretty soon.
Right? Right?
Hey, our wedding
is going to rock, huh?
Oh, up high.
Up high.
OW! Whoa!
And it totally rocks
that we're going to be in each
other's weddings, all right?
Right? Up high.
Come on, give it to me.
Whoo! Whoo!
Because, you know, man...
I love you.
I love you?
No, sing it.
I... I love you.
Yes, yes, I love you!
Come here.
Yeah, man,
I love you.
I love you.
Love him.
All right, guys,
well, take care,
and we're going
to walk over there.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
You do? You love me?
I love you.
Hey, you, kid,
can I see your ID?
Pretty funny stuff, Ralph.
Oh, thanks, man.
Sure. Thanks.
So how's it going?
Oh, it's going, uh...
It's going good.
You know, you're looking
more like your dad every day.
Oh, that's what
everybody tells me.
People tell me all the time too,
except my dad had a beer gut.
That's the one thing
I didn't get from him... yet.
It's easy to get a beer gut
owning a bar.
You don't even realize it
as it happens,
and all of a sudden,
one day you look down,
and you can't even see
your own damn shoes anymore.
Can't wait for that day.
All right, just going.
I bet you ladies didn't know
it's impossible
to lick your own elbow.
Smooth operator.
Hey, cowboy.
"Yo. ll."
Wow, that's very
street of you, Reed Fish.
Well, you know, what can I say?
Every day's a struggle.
It's really good to see you.
You're here with...
Yeah, Andrew and Theresa.
Is Kate here?
No, no, it's just
a dudes' night out.
Oh, cool.
Um, howdy.
Uh, welcome to Murray's
Weekly talent night.
Our first talent is Andrew.
Yeah, Andrew!
Andrew! Whoo!
Should he really be
doing this drunk off his ass?
I'm sure he'll be fine.
You should get up there.
Oh, I don't know karate.
No, the guitar.
Oh, no.
No. Are you crazy?
This is Mud Meadows.
Everyone knows me.
I'll be laughed off the stage.
Rock on, Mud Meadows!
Or not.
Or not.
I'll tell you what...
Here, I'll dare you.
Seriously, get up there.
You'll be amazing.
Oh, hey.
Okay, we've had
a change in plans.
Oh, man.
I hate change.
Okay, so it's time
for more talent.
Our next talent
is Jill Cavanaughna.
I'm sorry... Cavanaughna.
Um, hi.
Thank you, Ralph,
for that nice introduction.
so I'm going to sing a song,
and I wrote it,
so please, no booing.
I'm just gonna start over.
From where I'm standing,
you're the quiet side
of the room.
You're looking so lonely,
and I can't stop
looking at you.
Your head is hanging,
trying to beat
those good-bye blues.
I bet you'll be fine.
I bet you'll be fine.
I guess it's not the way
you always planned it.
Looks like you're heading
for a crash landing.
That's just the way it looks
from where I'm standing.
From where I'm standing.
From where I'm standing,
I think I caught your eye.
Are you looking at me?
'Cause I swear
I saw you smile.
And I'm coming over,
gonna take things
off your mind.
I bet you'll be fine.
I guess it's not the way
you always planned it.
Looks like you're heading
for a crash landing.
That's just the way it looks
from where I'm standing.
From where I'm standing.
Let it fall.
Let it come down.
Let it crash around you.
Around you.
I guess it's not the way
you always planned it.
Looks like you're heading
for a crash landing.
I might make you mine.
I might make you mine.
From where I'm standing.
Thank you.
Oh, my God.
That was amazing.
You are totally playing
at our wedding.
Totally playing at our wedding.
Oh, okay.
You're so talented!
Oh, my God.
Is it, like, stifling hot
in here, or is it me?
Yes, yes, it is hob-stifling.
Do you want
to go get some fresh air?
Yeah, that'd be great.
Go to it.
Bye, guys.
Want a beer?
Hey! Hey!
Can we get a beer?
Oh, my God.
That was, um, so cool.
I mean, I ca... the reaction,
you know, was just unbelievable.
I... I told you.
Didn't I tell you?
I knew you could do it.
No, I knew that
they would love you.
Jill, like, you... you've
got something to say.
You've... you've got a voice in
this world that's all your own.
I mean, most of us
would kill for that.
Oh, well, that's sweet
of you to say.
Hey, kiddo.
Oh, you guys have fun?
You didn't get
too crazy, I hope.
Uh, no, uh, it was pretty tame.
Well, she's just hitting the
sack, if you want to go see her.
Thanks, Irv.
Yeah. Good night.
Hey, how was it?
It was great.
Yeah, it was great.
Anyone interesting show up?
Oh, no, no, just the usual.
Anyone good onstage?
No, no, no.
How was your night?
Um, it was good.
The usual, dinner with Naomi.
But, oh, my God, she had
the best idea for our wedding.
For the reception,
she offered...
Yeah, it was just
boring wedding stuff.
But she wants us to go up
to the lake this weekend for...
Uh, I...
I love you, Kate.
I love you too, babe.
Are you okay?
Are you crying?
Oh, maybe.
Why are you crying, babe?
'Cause I love you.
And 'cause I made out
with Jill Cavanaugh
in the Murray's parking lot.
I kissed her.
It was all my fault.
It was all me.
I kissed her.
Why would you kiss her?
Oh, 'cause I wanted to.
How could you do that?
How the hell could you do that?
I'm sorry, Kate.
A lot of good that does me.
Maybe I'm not ready for this.
Ready for what?
Uh, the wedding.
Maybe we should
just call it off.
I... I... I'm nothing.
I don't deserve it.
Yeah. Okay.
Wait a sec.
Are you serious?
Of course.
You just said that you're
not ready to get married.
I mean, you're either in,
or you're out.
It's simple.
Maybe I'm not ready
to get married.
Maybe I'm not ready
to get married.
You haven't even wanted
to plan the wedding.
You've been completely distant
the whole time that
I've been planing our wedding.
There's no maybe about it.
I mean, you're not ready
to get married.
I'm not going to marry you.
Okay, okay, I take it back.
I take it back.
You can't take it back.
You... it's already done.
I want to... I want to
marry you, Kate.
What are you doing?
Are you serious?
We need time to talk this out.
There's nothing to talk about.
No, okay.
I'm sorry.
I was-don't do this.
It's done.
And so I think
I speak for everyone
when I say
that it's a big relief
that Ms. Rafferty
dropped her lawsuit
about those runaway hedges
at City Hall.
A big old kudos to the mayor
for getting that whole disaster
under control.
Um, okay,
I guess we go to the phones.
The call-in portion of today's
show is brought to you
by Peterson Motors
in Mud Meadows.
Peterson Motors: your one-stop
transportation destination.
Caller, you're on The Fish.
We all know what you did, Reed.
I'm sorry?
We've been talking
down here at the coffee shop,
and what you did to Kate
was horrible,
and you should be ashamed
of yourself, and, okay, bye.
Well, I am ashamed of myself.
Thank you for your call.
Friends get married.
I see them once or twice.
Love picks me up...
So now, where was I?
Something about driving truck.
I was talking about Donald.
Oh, hey, Jill,
you remember Donald.
Uh, yeah, I do.
Donald, my husband.
He is so loyal.
I mean, he is
the sweetest thing.
Oh, hold that thought.
I've got an order up.
Sorry I'm late.
Hey, don't worry about it.
I'm so sorry.
Jill, I kissed you.
I know, but it's still...
No, honestly,
it is not your fault.
I was really sorry to hear
that things are over with
you and Kate, and I just feel...
Well, you know,
it... it's for the best.
I think it's probably best
if we just stay friends.
I mean, I came home
to get my life all figured out,
you know, and it's just
gotten really... I don't know...
Confusing and complicated and...
Yeah, I'm sorry about all that.
So I think
it's probably a good idea
if we don't see each other
for a little while.
So anyways,
like I was saying, my husband, Donald,
he drives truck,
and he's always telling me,
"When you drive truck,
"you can't abandon it
halfway down the line,
"'cause when you truck,
"you better be in it
for the long haul,
especially when you already
been paid in full."
I'll give you two a minute.
And with that, my friends,
have a marvelous day
in the Meadows.
See ya, man.
All right, Maureen, have
a marvelous day in the Meadows.
You know, Reed,
you seem awfully tired.
Are you getting enough rest?
Oh, no, yeah, I'm fine.
Are you sure you're okay?
Yeah, yeah.
She won't be mad forever.
How do you know that?
It's what the stars tell me.
Or maybe, since I know you
both since you were kids,
I just... I just have
a sense about these things.
Bye, honey.
See ya.
If you mess
with my cousin again,
I'm going to
have to mess you up.
I... I know that, Andrew.
You've said that
exact same thing to me
every single day this week.
It's all about repetition
in the martial arts and life.
I'm sorry I have
to get rough with you.
It's fine.
I mean, I still want you to be
in our wedding and everything,
even though I'm not
gonna be in yours.
Poor Kate.
You really screwed the pooch
on that one, didn't you?
Yes, I did.
Yeah, and in the end,
I'm afraid you will be the one
who will truly suffer.
We got this
thing inside that's going around
like a ride through life...
You say,
"That ain't so bad."
I say, " | t ain't so..."
I Yeah, yeah. I.
I Yep. I.
Okay, so, um, where
do you want to shoot?
Uh, uh...
Um, maybe you want
to start the interview kneeling
and then get up
as an introduction
Yeah, okay, sure.
Hey, um, maybe
you want to shave.
I mean, it's not a real sexy
five o'clock shadow.
It's just depressing,
if you ask me.
Well, I didn't ask you, so...
Grab those carrots
off you there.
I'm here with Imogene Sandstrom,
carrot caretaker extraordinaire.
Now, Ms. Sandstrom,
how on earth do you explain
these colossal carrots?
Oh, I'm not about
to share my secret with anyone.
Next question, please.
Reed, wake up!
Franklin, be nice.
We'll just take it from the top.
We're just gonna take it
from the tippy top.
That's fine with me,
but just remember,
don't even think about
asking me about my secrets.
Thank you.
It can't go on like this.
I know. I know.
It's just, like...
All of it.
I'm sorry, Frank.
I just want everything
to be like it was, you know?
It'll get better.
I promise.
If you and Kate
could just work this out,
we wouldn't even
have to be doing this.
I know. I know.
Believe me, I know that.
Markowitz, right?
Oh, they're gonna hate me.
Markowitz. Jesus.
Everybody hates you, bro.
I may actually
have to stop hanging with you.
You're ruining my rep.
Oh, now I know
I've hit rock bottom.
Just leave it on the porch.
You don't have
to explain yourself
to everybody.
just give me a second, okay?
Hey, Reed,
have you read the investment
proposal I sent you yet?
Uh, you know, Rex,
I leafed through it.
I'm telling you, man,
this thing is gonna be huge.
So what do you say?
Are you in?
I... I don't... I don't think so.
I'm not sure, man.
Come on, what do I have to do?
I mean, this idea is golden.
The internet is the technology
of the future.
I... I'm sorry, man,
but I don't think
I can help you.
Why do you have
to be such a jerk?
All I need is a little...
A little seed money,
and you've got so much
stinking cash in the bank,
you wouldn't even miss it.
Damn it!
Wait, so let... let me get this...
Let me get this straight.
You want me
to spend my inheritance...
Or rather,
the money from my parents'
life insurance policies
the money that I haven't spent
a dime of since they died...
And put it into your business
selling new and used table saws
over the internet?
Exactly. Yeah.
Well, that's pretty
frigging retarded, isn't it?
It's a good idea.
It's a good idea.
Money, money, money,
money, money.
Yes, I've got days so sunny
with money, money,
money, money, money.
"Nice one, idiot."
Thank you!
You're mixing it up, at least.
And now, let's see...
Oh, I need my lovely
little flower girl.
Now, remember, sweetheart...
Uh-huh, there We go.
And you're going to stand
right about here, okay?
the bride.
Here she comes.
That's right.
Oh, so exciting.
Very good.
And, oh, here we go.
Jill, music please.
Can't believe
you belong to me.
I guess I must have
done something right.
How did we get here,
and where did we start?
You follow my heart.
And on your arm,
I could fall asleep.
And on your arm
is the best of me.
And on your arm,
I'll go anywhere,
'cause I know
that you'll be there.
Count a million ways
to stay
I on your arm. I.
Hi, there.
Great song.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
I've been working
really hard on it.
Yeah, it shows.
It's really good to see you.
Yeah, it's good to see you too.
I missed you.
Yeah, I missed you too.
It's really good to see you.
You said that already.
Well... it's been
quite a summer, huh?
Shouldn't you guys be making out
in the parking lot?
Um, do you want to eat food?
Yes, I'm starving.
Yes. All right.
Let's go.
After you.
Oh, ow.
I should not have done that.
I'm so full.
Yeah, no kidding.
You hit that buffet,
like, eight times.
All right.
Oh, great.
All right.
Oh, yeah.
Yes, here it is.
And I quoteth, "Dear Reed,
you are such a cool guy."
"I just wish you had
a better haircut.
Love, Jill."
I wrote that?
Yes, you did.
Let's see.
Yup, and it's
even more true today.
Hey, so I told my parents
about quitting school
and singing and everything.
Yeah? And?
And they were upset, you know,
but mostly just
'cause I lied to them.
But otherwise, they just said
they wanted me to be happy,
and that's all any parent
wants for their kid, right?
That's amazing.
Why aren't We together?
I should go.
Reed, I told you I'm
I can't-I can't do this.
Well, then,
why are you here right now?
Look, Gabe's coming
in the morning.
He's going to the wedding
with me, so...
It's the
breakup breakdown again.
It doesn't much matter,
baby, where or when.
Hey, Reed, this is Gabe.
Hey, nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
Heard lots about you.
Yeah, I've heard of you.
Jill, there you are.
We need you out there pronto.
Come on.
All right, we'll...
I'll see you afterwards.
You okay?
Yeah. You okay?
You're with
the wedding party, huh?
You want to usher me?
I'd love to.
You know Jill a long time?
Uh, yeah, we...
We grew up together.
So you know how lucky I am.
I do.
This would be you.
Thank you.
You got it.
I'll see you afterwards.
Right, sure, definitely.
And so I know, Andrew,
that you will always,
always protect me.
Theresa, my love, my sensei,
without you, I have no chi.
Now that Andrew and Theresa
have given themselves
to each other
and have done so before our God
and this congregation,
I pronounce them
husband and wife.
You may now kiss the bride.
I'm sorry, Kate.
I know.
That was supposed
to be us up there,
and I messed everything up.
I mean,
especially after all that
we've been through together.
Well, Reed, I mean,
I never told you this,
but I was really scared
about our wedding.
You were?
I mean, my mom wasn't
going to be there, so...
And maybe it would have seemed
like she was really gone.
I mean,
because if she was alive,
nothing could have
kept her from it.
Well, yeah, I mean,
so, yeah, I was scared,
but I knew I would be all right.
I mean, I knew it
would be okay because...
because you'd be there with me.
Oh, Kate.
Now she's still gone.
Come on.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, I know.
Kate, I'm sorry.
Oh, it's okay.
The door was open, so I just...
So I've been thinking, and i...
Thinking about what?
I didn't...
I'm sorry.
I'm such an idiot.
I... I should have known that...
You should have known what?
That this was a huge mistake.
Oh, God.
You were the one who...
Oh, so you sleep with her
to get back at me?
Hey, she was my fiance.
Yeah, we were supposed
to be married,
but you ruined that.
Where do you get off
saying anything?
Just go back to frigging Austin
with Gabe or whoever.
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, you think you're so much
better than us, don't you?
I'm pretty sick of you,
like, toying around with me.
Are you insane?
Not anymore.
Don't you get it, Kate?
He doesn't really love
either of us.
Hey, you're really
one to talk, Jill.
Look, will you just tell her
that you love me?
You know what?
I should have
just left you alone here
to live your dad's life
in peace.
Tell her that you love me.
Just tell her the truth.
Wait, whoa, Jill.
So that's what it is?
You... you look down on me?
I mean, I thought you wanted...
And I thought you...
And then this the very next day?
I mean...
You're... you're so... weak.
Hey, I am not living
my father's life.
You are such an asshole.
Oh, Kate.
I was so stupid for ever
wanting to marry you
and even stupider for thinking
that we had a second chance.
You just... you have to understand
what I've been going through.
She's right, you know.
You don't really know
how to love anybody.
for all you Aquarians out there,
despite your upset stomach,
today is the perfect day
to begin fulfilling
your potential.
And those were the horoscopes.
I hope you liked them.
Frank, take over.
Uh, hi, Frank Cortez here.
Hey, Maureen,
I bet you didn't know
that a flea can jump
30,000 times without stopping.
I did not know that.
That seems like a lot.
It is a lot.
It looks like
we've got some calls lined up,
so let's hit the phones.
Hello, caller,
you're on The Fish.
Patricia Rafferty here.
We have a problem.
Where's Reed?
Well, Reed's not here.
This is Frank.
Tell Frank your problem.
No, no,
I... I need to talk to Reed about this.
It's very serious.
It's an emergency.
Reed's supposed to be here
every day.
What do you mean he's not here?
Where is he?
Well, uh...
Yes, uh, Patricia,
can you hold on a moment?
Dude, what the hell?
I'm sick.
So you just don't show up?
What, I can't get sick?
What, the whole town
has to shut down
because Reed Fish
takes one sick day?
That's bullshit, man.
You're just screwed in the head.
Shut up.
Get the hell out of here.
You're making me
look like an idiot, man.
I totally froze in there.
I finally get my chance,
and I'm choking.
What are you whining about?
You were fine.
No, I wasn't.
Are you coming?
I just told you I'm sick.
Okay, we're back, so...
Well, I'll tell you one thing:
Reed's dear, departed father
never once was absent in
all the years he did the show,
and, of course, the one day
Reed decides to be gone,
we've got a situation.
I mean, it's a crisis situation.
I need help!
I don't know what to do.
Yes, it's an emergency!
Hi, Patricia.
This is Reed.
What's your emergency?
thank goodness you're here.
There's a peacock
running up and down the road.
A peacock, Patricia?
Yes, a peacock, and it's
running around like crazy.
Can you call
the fire department?
Why, is it on fire?
No, it's not on fire.
Well, the fire department?
Are you kidding?
You need to call animal control,
all right?
And why can't you call them?
Why do I have to call them?
Reed Fish.
Why do I have to do
every single little thing?
Everyone in this town
is such a baby.
Jesus Christ.
Make your own calls,
find your own jobs,
and leave me...
What are you doing?
Don't you use that kind
of language with me.
Every day, I listen to bitching
and... get the hell off of me.
Leave me the hell alone.
What are you doing?
What has got into you?
Listening to you!
Stop fighting right this minute,
or I will
call the fire department.
Watch out,
atmosphere pressure
will change later,
causing temperatures to plummet,
so make sure you bring
the dogs inside tonight.
I'm Reed Fish, bitch!
You guys stop it.
Last week's
bake sale netted over $83.
The proceeds from the sale
will be used
to buy new a new atlas,
finally letting
all Mud Meadows...
Union is no more.
I think the radio's broke.
You think you're funny?
You make me sick, man.
That was quite
a performance there, Reed.
What are you doing?
This isn't you.
Well, maybe this is me.
Oh, oh, so now you're the guy
who yells at people on the
radio, fights with his friends,
cheats on his girlfriend?
Look, maybe I'm just not the guy
that everyone needs me to be.
Reed, nobody has ever needed you
to be anything
other than yourself.
That is not true.
No, everyone in this town
has always assumed that i...
Assumed that you were
your father's son, yes,
but that doesn't mean that
you needed to try to be him,
because you are not him,
Just get over it.
Those lights up ahead
remind me of her eyes
the day she was wed.
And those fools...
So thanks,
everyone, for another wonderful show.
This is Floyd Fish,
and, as always,
I'll be back on your radio
tomorrow with more of the same.
And with that, my friends,
have a marvelous day
in the Meadows.
And these hearts
grow darker every day,
with all the good ones
that often gets away.
But, you see,
it's better than...
It's better
than you'll ever know it.
She got a whole lot of cards
in her hand
that she ain't
never showing.
You see the lights go down
on a tired little town.
You could've sprung for roses.
Yeah, I could have,
but I thought
this arrangement was nicer.
What, you think you can just
waltz right back into my life?
No, man, I don't, but I at least
wanted to apologize for...
I'll apologize for everything
pretty much, so I'm sorry.
Yeah, I would say
it's about time.
Yeah, well, good.
I got something I want
to talk to you about, man.
Okay. What?
Well, I'm thinking
that it might be time
for a new voice of Mud Meadows.
You're not going
to do the show anymore?
No, I don't think so.
What are you gonna do, then?
Well, I've got money,
and I've got this idea.
At 23 years old,
I finally figured out
how to be a grown-up.
I just needed a little push.
Sure, that push sent me over
a steep cliff, but that's okay,
because I picked myself back up,
and I'm now grateful for it.
Grateful because
that tiny nudge ended up
showing me the path
to a happier life.
You just have to be yourself.
Know who you are.
So who am I?
That's easy.
I'm Reed Fish.
That's pretty rad!
That's pretty rad, man!
It's kind of a revelation
to see yourself up there, huh?
I know.
I didn't know
my ass was so great.
Your... your ass is fantastic.
I think We did well.
I got to go.
Hey, heck of a movie.
It took a lot of guts.
Oh, thanks, John Penner.
Oh, Reed, that was so wonderful.
Oh, thanks.
You did a great job, Maureen.
Yeah, I'm kind of
a regular Meryl Streep.
Oh, you certainly are.
You know, Reed,
your parents would have
really been proud of you.
Thank you.
Fish. Hey man, great job.
Oh, thanks.
You guys were great.
Ask Theresa.
I almost started crying,
like, two times.
I mean, I felt all the biggies,
like anger and passion and
revenge and, like, sadness.
That's... that's amazing.
It was so good.
Oh, you're so talented.
You are talented.
Okay, I'll call you later
and tell you all about it.
She left.
Oh, I'm sorry, man.
Did she say anything to you?
Not really, just that
I did a really good job
playing her in the movie.
Yeah, you did.
I'm sorry.
Ah, it's okay.
It's fine.
Somebody looks hungry.
Oh, thank you.
I'm starving.
You're welcome, baby.
So, Reed, do you consider
tonight a success?
I... I do, Frank.
A lot of people have a lot
to be proud of here tonight.
That they do.
I just have one final question.
I know all of our viewers
want to know
what is next for Reed Fish?
Uh, i... I'm not sure.
I haven't really put
too much thought into it.
I guess I'll just zorse around
for a little while.
Well, thank you, Reed.
And that ends our coverage
for tonight.
I am Frank Cortez, and until
next week, Mud Meadows,
keep on keeping it real.
Oh, man, this is gonna look
really rad on the webcast.
Did you zoom in?
I can't believe you guys
even have a webcast.
Making you head of internet
was the best move Frank made
since I left the show.
Yeah, it's hella sick.
Seriously, did you zoom in?
A little bit.
Pretty cool, Rex.
Yeah, it was pretty rad.
You guys ready to party'?
No, but thanks.
I'm just kind of beat.
I think I just want to go home.
Yeah, I think
that's a good idea.
I want to go home.
Home's good.
Getting a little fresh air?
I'm sorry about what happened
back there with Jill.
Oh, no, please, Kate, don't.
No, i... I wish it
had worked out for you.
I really do.
Well, that's
really sweet of you.
I actually like the movie.
Amy did such a good job
playing me.
She was a better me than me.
You... you really liked it?
I really did.
But I mean, like,
couldn't you have at least
changed our names or something?
It's just kind of Weird,
everybody knowing our business.
Yeah, I know. I know.
I still don't get why
you needed to make a movie,
but if it's what you needed...
Kate, thank you
for still being my friend.
You're welcome.
I guess we're growing up.
Yeah, I guess so.
I was wrong.
We were both wrong.
You do know how to love.
Well, congratulations.
You did great.
Thanks for everything.
I'll see you later.
So you're looking
for the Gordita Borealis?
I'm sorry I left.
No, no, I know.
It's okay.
I get it.
I can't believe
you made a movie about us.
Figured it out.
All thanks to you.
Look, Jill...
I love you.
Nothing else matters.
I love you too.
I guess we're going
to get a happy ending, huh?
Yeah, I guess so.
I guess so.
Guess we believe in 'em
after all.
All my soul and what I got,
frame by frame,
shot by shot,
I made it all for you.
what a sweet projection.
In Monday fables
and fairy tales,
love defies logic,
reason fails.
It's what We call
the truth.
I Yeah. I
But it survives affection.
Jet black sky
and a red brick moon.
Go soon.
Christ, babe,
I want to be with you.
Do-do-do-do, yeah,
I want to be with you.
I want to be with you.
Still a one-street town.
One lane.
Nothing left,
and most men must think
that Hollywood's
a late-night picture show.
But you dream.
Never came around.
It's all right.
Like you're over me.
I ain't tired of something;
something's getting
awful tired of me.
Ooh-oh-whoa, ooh-oh-whoa,
Are you tired of me?
Ooh-oh-whoa, ooh-oh-whoa,
Are you tired of me?
Lightning flash, disappear.
Been said heartache's
a souvenir.
She said,
"I'm your ingenue."
I play it to perfection.
Helpless son
of a father taught.
It feels like home,
but I know it's not.
It's what I had to do
for my own protection.
Jet black sky
and a red brick moon.
No son cries.
Babe, I want to be with you.
I want to be with you.
I want to be with you.
I'm on the FM dial.
I just want
to tear this thing to pieces.
I want to see you smile.