In a Relationship (2018) Movie Script
1
(MUSIC PLAYING)
First time we hung out, what did
I think of you?
Yeah.
When was that, was that the
night that...
Come on, you're kidding.
Remember I brought Willow over
to that apartment...
you and Matt had in the East
Village?
OWEN:
Yes, of course, I remember.
OWEN: Let's see, I thought that
you were really hot...
but also that you may murder me
in my sleep one day.
HALLIE: Shut up.
OWEN:
You want one tea bag or two?
HALLIE: That's it? You just...
you thought I was hot?
OWEN: Yeah, I mean, I had never
seen you naked before.
- OWEN: That was a great night.
- (KETTLE WHISTLING)
OWEN: I fucking miss New York.
HALLIE: When we were there,
you missed L.A.
OWEN: Okay, I remember looking
at you that night...
and thinking you weren't like
anyone I'd ever met before.
OWEN: I thought that you were
very special.
OWEN: Do you want honey?
HALLIE:
One tea bag and yeah, honey.
HALLIE: Aren't you gonna ask me
what I thought?
OWEN: Oh, yeah, sure.
HALLIE: Never mind.
OWEN: Okay, here's your tea.
You really need to get rid
of this couch.
I can't do that, I'm sorry.
I like it too much.
Well, it's old and it's
disgusting...
and even Goodwill would reject
it at this point.
So, I think it's time for you
to take it upon yourself...
To just do whatever you want
me to, at all times of the day?
Please.
Look at you.
- Wait, stop, stop!
- What?
- I think my Nuva Ring fell out.
- What?
Now I don't feel like it's
in there.
You can feel that?
What does it look like?
Like a glow bracelet.
It's not in the hat.
- (SIGHS)
- Is that it?
You know what's on HBOGo?
What?
The Stephen Hawking movie.
We were just like... fucking.
You want to watch that?
I don't feel good.
- Wait, I just...
- Please?
I can't go from almost fucking
to Hawking, I just can't.
You can.
Only 'cause you're sick.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(PHONE DINGS)
Shit, what time is it?
Matty's out front, I told him
he could ride with us to Malibu.
We really need to find him
a girlfriend.
- (PHONE VIBRATES)
- How about your cousin?
Willa? She'd eat him up
like a praying mantis.
Hi, are you at mine?
Hey, I made it! Let me in.
HALLIE (OVER PHONE): I slept
at Owen's actually, sorry!
But I left you a key
under the flower pot.
We're leaving soon, so just
meet us in Malibu.
(MUSIC FADES UP)
MATT: Oh, uh...
- Oh, sorry, child lock.
- Thank you.
Hold on, hold on. Here you go.
- What was it too many?
- Yeah.
- It's good.
- Well, now.
Gotta get you some sun before
Willa gets here, you know?
You look like Tilda Swinton.
- Do you want some?
- No, I don't.
- I don't like it.
- It's so good.
It's gross, everyone puts their
hands in there.
- But it's the good stuff.
- No, it's not.
It's all in your teeth.
So when is your hot cousin
get here?
Okay, no, she literally just
moved here.
Do not pull a Matt on her,
it will not end well for you.
- She's hot.
- She is hot.
And she's coming, right?
Yeah, she's in an Uber,
you happy?
- Hallie, what's up?
- Oh, hi.
Glad you guys made it,
would you like a beer?
Yeah, thanks.
I'd love one, thanks.
Honestly, I gotta fucking pee
so bad...
Wanna bet you break the seal
before I do?
If you win, I'll convince Hallie
to talk you up with Willa.
If I win... you have to give me
your Bang Bros password.
- Deal.
- Done.
You are one lucky fuck,
you know that?
- What?
- I'm just saying you're free.
You're free! I wish I was.
You wish you were free? All
right, fucking Ted Nugent...
well, you wanna know what
I do with my freedom?
Last night, I ate an entire
rotisserie chicken...
and diarrhea'd like 12 times.
I only had three hours sleep,
'cause I had such bad diarrhea.
- Uh-huh, uh-huh.
- Hi.
- I love you.
- What was that?
- What?
- What were you guys doing?
- Don't be crazy.
- Why, you think he's photogenic?
Oh, fuck, this, I lose.
Honestly, you embarrass me
in front of my friends.
He's not like doing anything,
stop being crazy and have fun.
(PEEING)
Oh my God! Oh my God!
Oh my God! I'm so sorry, Willa.
Wait, how do you know my name?
Oh, we've met... several times.
I'm Owen's best friend, Matt.
Oh, yeah, shit, sorry.
I'm just really bad with names
and faces.
- So, like, people?
- I guess.
Now we really know each other.
(MUSIC FADES UP)
- Hi.
- Hi, babe.
Look at us, just "meeting up."
So casual.
Stop, stop.
Bright lights feel alright
I'm gonna see her again
tonight
But then I see you and
I wanna go
Where the beach is warm
And I won't get stung
And I won't get stormed by
Memories of you
Baby is this how you feel
I wanna know wanna know
Is this how you feel
I wanna know wanna know
Is this how you feel
I wanna know wanna know
Is this how you feel baby
Is this how you feel
Is this how you feel baby
OWEN: Hey, hey... why are you
acting so weird?
HALLIE: I'm fine. Maybe let's
just go home soon.
OWEN: You don't wanna watch
the fireworks...
- with your new boyfriend?
- This is a way-better spot.
The walk is gonna be worth it.
HALLIE: You're insane, I mean,
are you serious?
HALLIE:
You're actually insane.
I don't feel great and
I wanna go...
and I want you to wanna go, too.
It's the Fourth of July!
Can't we just celebrate the
Declaration of Independence...
without you having a manic
fucking episode?
I also think I left a candle
burning...
and it's haunted me all
afternoon.
That's never happened, that
never happened.
- Happened once.
- That happened once in your life!
I can't focus on anything else!
Okay, also lower your voice,
okay, everybody can hear us!
Nobody can hear us, nobody
cares!
Everybody's outside watching the
fucking fireworks display...
which, by the way, I would like
to be doing right now.
People can hear us and it's
embarrassing for both of us.
Stop pretending you care about
something...
just so you can be mad
about it.
I'm not! You know what, why
don't you learn...
how to apologize without having
a whole comeback?
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
We fight at every fucking party.
I honestly feel like I'm like
14, this is too exciting.
Just me? Okay, cool.
I like those ones.
- The all-glittery ones?
- Yeah.
You wanna watch
It's Complicated?
I'll fall asleep to whatever
you want.
- Hey.
- What?
Hey.
Okay, so how do we know
each other?
Oh, well, Owen, Hallie, and I
went to school in New York...
so I guess probably when you
came to visit sometime maybe?
Okay, I vaguely remember that.
Yeah, you guys came over to me
and Owen's place...
in the East Village after some
party, and you and I hung out...
and drank Brooklyn Lager
while it snowed...
and watched the sun came up.
I mean, yeah, I think that was
it.
I don't even remember, it was a
long time ago.
No, yes, wait!
That was the first night...
that Hallie and Owen hooked up,
right?
- Yeah, right!
- Yeah!
Wait, where are they, anyway?
Oh, Owen texted me, they had to
leave.
Yeah, I should probably get
going soon, too.
I just remembered, I left my car
at Owen's.
Do you think maybe I could
get a ride?
Yeah, I don't have a car,
I'm just Ubering for right now.
Oh, well, you want me to get us
one back to the mainland?
I mean, I'm on the way to
Hallie's, you can drop me.
Okay, um, but split it with
me...
because I'm sure it's fucking
expensive.
No, stop, don't be silly.
Are you sure?
Yeah, honestly, my treat.
You know what time I think
it is?
What?
How about this, huh? A little
bit of swivel hips?
You like my, uh, get down
for you, mama, like that?
Gonna get nice and deep for you
tonight, baby.
There you go, nice and deep,
good angles.
Stop!
You're insane.
You gotta have the rythym,
you know?
You don't have a lot of rythym.
I think you're done, you're
done.
I didn't shower... should I?
Yeah.
Aw fuck, they're increasing the
rent to this place in September.
I'm not gonna be able
to afford this.
I'm probably gonna have
to move?
Ugh, I'm sorry, that's awful.
Between the rent for this place,
my student loans, my Propecia...
I can't.
Well, one way you could keep
living here...
is if I moved in officially.
I mean, I know we haven't talked
about it in a while...
and I know it's not your
favorite subject...
but let's just move in together.
I mean, I love Clara, but I'm
too old for a roommate...
I'm over here all the time,
anyway.
It just kind of makes sense,
you know?
MATT: What?
- Holy shit.
- Oh, my god.
Hey... after you.
Thanks.
- Oh.
- Oh.
Okay.
- Happy Fourth!
- Hey!
Nice car.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
I can't believe you actually
grew up in LA.
I feel like nobody does.
Yeah, me and Owen both did.
What about you? What'd you move
out here for?
Well, I've been living in New
York since school...
but I'm actually going to grad
school in September.
Comp Lit. USC.
Wow, I'm impressed.
I've read maybe four whole books
in my entire life...
and I wouldn't know how to
compare them.
I wouldn't admit that.
Oh, this is me... thanks.
Whoa, you live here?
Yeah, this is my spot.
Well, good night.
Yeah, night. It was nice
to see you again.
Um, hey, let me get your number
real quick.
Yeah, sure.
Sorry.
I feel it yeah yeah
I feel it
I feel it yeah yeah
I feel it
Purple devil, I use that one
a lot.
I feel it in my body
I feel it
I feel it in the bed
I feel it
I feel it on the mouth
I feel it
I feel it in the air
in the air
Here you go, after you.
Whoa, do you have roommates?
This is my parents' place,
actually.
They're out of town, at the
moment.
Ooh, got the house to ourselves.
Okay, you have to take off those
flip-flops.
Holy shit, are those rocket ship
sheets?
Hey, look, some girls think
it's adorable, what can I say?
And your books are color-coded?
Okay, look, I was in a dark
place after college.
Stop looking at my room, please?
How do your parents let you live
like this? It's inhumane.
Honestly, I want to get a bigger
bed, but it just feels...
kind of symbolic at this point,
you know.
Like I'm saying, "Guys, I'm here
to stay! I'm never moving out!"
You know, the twin bed kind
of keeps that dream alive.
Maybe don't feel like you have
to talk all the time.
Right. Gotcha.
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
Do you like these guys? DJDS?
Ah, sorry, the mesh is kind of
chafing on these.
Hey, I don't think we should
have sex, is that okay?
Just, I just... not until we
know each other.
I just don't like to have sex
when I first meet somebody.
Ah, that's... honestly, I'm just
happy to be here.
But like... should we have sex?
We shouldn't have sex right?
I mean, I wouldn't not have sex
with you right now.
But I'm also not in any hurry,
so...
Maybe we should just have sex
and get it over with.
I don't have a condom.
- It's cool, I have an IUD.
- Okay.
All right.
I'm sorry about my twin bed.
I mean, I feel like a pedophile.
- What?
- It's fine, just fuck me.
Okay.
You want me to go get a towel?
Sure.
MATT: The Uber back from Malibu
cost, no joke, $137.
Wait, wait, wait, how quickly
did you cum?
Dude.
Just tell me how quick was it?
It was like 45 seconds.
Oh, that's actually longer than
I would have guessed.
I apologized, and we watched
Shark Tank.
Oh, my god, you guys are
fucking vile, you know that?
Maggie, I met an amazing girl!
Yeah, you sound like Jimmy
Stewart...
the way you're talking about
her.
He legit just hooked up with
this girl...
and he's talking about how much
he loves her.
You're... it's less than 24 hours
ago and you're talking...
about how she's your
quote-unquote future wife.
- You fucking psycho.
- Aw...
- You poor psycho.
- You think I just met her?
She and I had this unbelievable
Before Sunrise-level night...
five years ago, we just finally
reconnected.
No, you didn't, no,
you didn't...
because she has no recollection
of that night ever happening.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Owen, you
shouldn't talk, this guy...
plagiarized Dashboard
Confessional lyrics...
and said you wrote them about
me, so...
All right, well, number one,
I had a very big crush on you.
- Huge.
- Number two, it was ninth grade.
Number three, the Dashboard
lyrics articulated something...
that 14-year-old me wasn't able
to articulate at the time.
Honestly, I haven't liked anyone
this much since...
I dunno, since Rachel Flegelman!
Flegelman, the girl, who every
time you guys did coke...
would lick your butthole.
- Yeah.
- Jesus!
Hey, butthole licking is part of
the human experience!
I don't want to hear more
about that.
Are you out of your minds
right now?
Maggie, how are you, what's
going on?
- Oh, my god, I'm so good.
- You look great.
- I can't believe you're pregnant.
- Thanks... thanks, man...
literally, two seconds pregnant.
How are you, how's your lady,
Hallie?
She's good, she's really good.
I mean, she asked me to move
in the other night...
and I didn't know what to say...
and that was obviously not a
good reaction on my part.
Buddy, that's a bad sign.
I don't know, it feels like
we're on auto pilot...
or something, you know
what I mean?
It's like when you say a word
over and over and over again...
and it starts to lose its
meaning.
That's where it feels like
we're at.
Listen, you're scared,
that's okay.
It's not love unless
you're scared.
Yeah, Jakob, hey, it's Willa.
No, I was just calling to see if
we're going to that thing.
Oh, um, yeah, yeah, we'll hang
out soon.
Bye.
It's that Target commercial
kind of voice
It's kind of Huggies
it's more Dove
It gets you in the mood
for love
I mean, I'm sorry, he's in love
with you.
But you know it's cute
that he's calling.
He's like taking charge.
Yeah, but it's just so weird
when you're texting...
and then they just call.
Hey, Matt, what's up?
(MUSIC PLAYING)
I'm so sorry I'm late. I
couldn't find parking anywhere.
I literally ended up parking
at a fire hydrant.
Nice, you got a car!
Are you sure you don't want to
find a better spot?
No, it's fine, I do it all
the time.
Sorry. Hold on, I'm so rude,
one sec.
Okay, I swear I'm done, sorry.
Don't worry about it,
is everything okay?
Yeah, no, have you seen
this OJ show, I'm obsessed.
Wait, the eight-hour doc or the
Cuba Gooding Jr. one?
- The doc.
- How fucking good is it?
- No, it's amazing.
- I know, right?
Uh, what do you want to drink?
Uh, vodka water, like a vodka
soda, but with water.
Wow, got it, kind of intense.
Um, yeah, could I get a vodka
water, please?
And a uh... whatever's just the
lightest beer you have.
Thank you.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(INDISTINCT DIALOGUE)
Should I call you a nice person?
And I'm not a nice person?
I don't think so.
This is how the conversation
went last time.
Not at all, it says you're
a raging pussy.
Yeah.
This is fun, right?
I shouldn't be dating somebody,
since I'm literally afraid...
to check my ATM balance,
but...
- (SCOFFS)
- What?!
What?
Well, I mean, like... are you
guys actually dating?
Pfft, yeah! I mean... yeah.
Definitely.
Does she know that?
Dude, fuck you, man.
Because usually when you're
dating somebody...
that's like a mutual, consentual
decision.
It's not like a made up thing
in somebody's head, you know?
Just saying, early days, you
know?
I don't know, I think breakfast
is serious.
I mean, I wouldn't say that
we're dating.
So what are you doing?
You know, hanging out.
- What?
- Yikes.
If I heard a guy I liked be
like, "Yeah, we're hanging out."
I would literally be like...
kill me right there.
Well, we're lucky you're not
single.
I don't want to be single.
I mean, like I do, but I don't.
And I don't... that's not
about me.
We are lucky you are not single.
They'd like hold your hand
or touch you...
and you'd be like,
"We're dating!"
I feel like when you meet
someone...
you know if you're gonna love
them or not.
What, you went straight into
"We're married,"?
- Yeah.
- Of course, you did.
I literally...
I assumed we were together from
like the night we had sex.
I don't know, his idea of when
we started dating...
from my idea, it's not like
months or days different...
we're talking like gaps in years
that he thought...
we weren't together that we
were fully together.
I'm like, if we're not together,
what else are you doing?
We're together every night, so...
Jesus, you guys are fucked.
I feel, I want to say,
I could be drunk.
Shot, shot, shot!
Oh my god... holy shit,
I got in!
You got into where?
Oh, the... a photograph of mine got into
this group show...
that's going to be in a month.
Oh my god, that's so cool.
Congrats.
Yeah, I sent it in
like...
Keep talking, I'm just getting
a little sip of water.
OWEN:
You want? I'm listening.
No, I'm good.
Never mind.
OWEN: You know, I think I'm
done editing the bar mitzvah...
video, so I can finally get that
fucking check.
(SIGHS)
OWEN:
The parents loved it, though.
They still have to show it
to the bar mitzvah boy...
before we picture lock, but I
think that's just a formality.
- Good morning.
- Uh-uh...
You know, last week I read an
article that women in prison...
are more violent than men when
it's that time of the month...
they'll literally just start
beating each other up...
and sometimes they even murder
each other...
because of their fucking
periods.
When did we say about fast
talking in the morning?
We don't like it.
- Okay, that's enough.
- What?
You're like grinding your boner
all over me?
That's not because of you,
that's not a sex boner.
That's just a night-morning
boner.
Oh, thank you so much
for clarifying.
MAN (OVER PHONE): And, uh,
she still hasn't responded.
Stop, look, see, the whites
with the colors?
Like it really matters.
The text is out there,
it's fine.
I mean, she doesn't even respond
to me...
sometimes for like a day, so...
MAN (OVER PHONE): I'm sorry.
I'm being insane, you're right.
Thanks, Hallie, I'll keep you
updated.
Bye.
Argh...
Are you actually still working
on that bar mitzvah video.
Yeah, the guy's paying me
to reopen the edit...
because his son had more notes.
Kid thinks he's the next
frickin' Kuprick.
Do you want to watch the
next cut with me in a little?
Not really.
I honestly think it was better
yesterday...
but what the fuck do I know,
I'm just the editor, right?
So, that's it, we're just done
talking about it?
Can we just... can we just watch?
Look, I don't want to watch this
for the tenth time.
No, really, I have... he needs
it by tomorrow.
I want to talk.
So you just flat out
don't want to live with me.
I mean I'm sorry, but I just
think it's a little weird...
that you're not even
considering it.
Of course, I've considered it,
just...
Oh, thank you so much.
I'm sorry you don't want
to move in...
but thank you for
considering.
Holy crap.
You're gonna just hang onto
the one thing that I've said...
because that's what people do
when they want to fight.
So you just want to...
I-I-I want to solve this.
- Oh, you're such an asshole!
- Okay? I really do.
Don't you think if we moved
in, we would never move out?
Don't you want to have things to
build towards or... or things...
to look forward to or maybe
there are things we're missing...
out on or things that we want
to try like before we...
Argh!
Look, I love you, you know
I love you.
Right now I'm just, I'm not
ready to settle down.
- I'm just not.
- I'm not talking about...
settling down, I'm talking about
living together.
Look... I love you,
I love you too.
I just, I... yeah, I don't
want to force it, I guess.
Exactly, I don't want to force
it either.
Okay, but what are you saying
when you say that?
Because it sounds like you're
saying you want...
to have like a break
or something.
Okay, things haven't felt right.
You know that...
Yeah, I know how things haven't
felt.
- Things haven't felt right.
- I know!
Okay, so you know!
Right, so then, I don't want
to move in together.
I just... I'm sorry, I don't.
And what if I hadn't said
anything, huh?
We'd just be laying in bed
watching your stupid...
fucking bar mitzvah video
for the 20th time?
We were in a fight and now
you're breaking up with me...
and it's like we fight
all the time.
Please don't say that.
Please don't say break-up,
that's not what this is.
This is just me needing time,
I just need time.
Some time of not being together.
Will you stay over?
You want to be alone,
then be alone.
(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(KETTLE WHISTLING)
- Oh, of fucking course!
- Shit!
- Hal, what are you doing here?
- I live here, asshole!
Hal, you all right?
HALLIE:
Get the fuck out of here!
We should go, she sounds pretty
upset.
She means you.
Oh, right, uh, she wants me
to go, fuck.
Go!
Hal?
Rachel Flegelman, a blast
from the past.
Maybe we shouldn't tell
Matt about this.
Matt who?
(SCOFFS) Never mind.
Hey, do you want to um,
get brunch?
Um...
Hallie, do a shot with me.
Gross, that's from Clare's
birthday like two years ago in.
Plus, it's 3:00 PM.
Yeah, exactly, it's 3:00 PM and
you're staring at the trees...
Like you're in a
Cymbalta commercial.
Willa, I am on a break with the
guy who I thought I was going...
to marry, please just give me
some motherfucking time.
Okay, I'm sorry.
Look, I just want to make
you happy.
What will make you happy?
There's my girl.
Thank you.
Can we look at pictures
of sushi on Yelp?
Yeah, come here.
(TALK RADIO PLAYING)
(HORN HONKING)
- Dude, are you wearing a bandana?
- Sure am!
I got a membership at Gold's,
did a couple of circuits...
before I got here, come on in.
Wait, you're eating already?
I thought we were getting lunch.
Bro, I waited an hour and a half
yesterday for this bad boy.
Don't want it to go to waste.
You lost a couple of -penos
there.
Pass me the ranch, right in your
side compartment right there?
Besides, who do I have to be
skinny for you...
you know what I mean?
Let's talk about the facts,
okay?
The little one would never let
me keep my sauces in the car...
but now I have them for easy
access whenever I want.
Look, I love you and, and I know
you and Hallie just broke up...
but this is not good, all right,
you're gonna fall into a hole.
You said you wanted freedom,
you should really use it right.
All right, you're doing a whole
lot of talking about me.
What about Willa? What's going
on with you guys?
You haven't talked about her...
the whole minute you've been
in the car, I'm amazed.
It's, it's good.
It's actually, yeah, it's
actually really good.
She, um, she and I had the
"How many people have you...
"slept with?" conversation
the other day.
Which usually fucking sucks, but
it turns out we're both at nine.
And she just turned to me in bed
and said...
"I love that we're each
other's tens."
- What... stop.
- Really?
- What? What?
- Nine, nine?
- Yes.
- Come on.
Who do you think she is,
ten people total?
Yeah, like maybe ten people last
fucking Christmas...
over the holiday break.
Shut the fuck up.
Okay, pal, let me tell you
something, pal, all right?
Willa's like a fucking goddess,
she's like a sex goddess.
The girl is like top three most
beautiful women...
I've ever seen in real life.
Why are we still in park?
Let me ask, wait, wait, let me
just ask you a question first.
Did you give the number and then
she agreed with you?
Or did she give the number
first?
You gave the number and she
agreed with you.
Breaks my heart that I'm right
all the time.
It smells really weird in here.
That's the smell of freedom,
my friend.
So I was going to say,
what are you up to today?
I have a surprise for us.
I'll bring the vodka water.
Or is it weird if I don't
acknowledge...
the Owen and Hallie situation?
Yo, you sound straight up like
a murderer...
when you overthink this much.
Stop. There, can you just
please write it for me?
You know what, it's fine.
Oh, she's typing, that's good,
right?
Or is it bad that she hasn't
waited?
I don't know what
the rules are anymore.
Okay, we know the typing
bubble's gone now.
- This is your face when you cry.
- How do you know?
Fuck you, stop, stop.
So you're really not gonna
tell me.
Nope... you'll see.
Oh, here he is.
What do you mean, here he is.
Are we doing a drug deal?
Just trust me, all right?
What?
Oh, we're getting into his car,
okay.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
Hey, hey, what's up, guys?
I'm Adam.
So would you mind explaining to
Willa what we're doing here...
because she has no idea.
Well, Willa, we're gonna go
on the OJ tour.
- What?
- The OJ Simpson Murder Tour.
It's vodka-water.
Let's do it.
All right, we're gonna just jump
straight into the tour here.
Across the street is
Paul Revere Middle School.
Now this is where OJ Simpson
and Nicole's daughter...
had a dance recital on the night
of June 12th, 1994.
You remember from the court
case, OJ was found not guilty...
of the murders, for the purposes
of our tour...
we're just gonna say that
he did it.
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
Where the fuck is my assistant?
Hallie?!
Oh, Dexter's girlfriend quit.
Who wears a size zero
around here?
- STYLIST: Hallie does.
- Get her in a dress!
(MUSIC CHANGES)
Dexter.
This is Hallie, my assistant,
she's replacing your girlfriend.
Hi. Oh...
Nice to meet you... Dexter.
I know.
- Shall we?
- Yeah!
- Yeah, okay.
- Okay.
HALLIE: But I honestly prefered
it to season one, actually.
What about the scenes you do in
space, how do you shoot that?
I mean, obviously you're not in
space, duh.
But do they have you like flying
up in the air or something or...
This may be a little forward,
but do you have a boyfriend?
Don't you have a girlfriend?
We're, uh, we're kind of in a
rough patch if I'm being honest.
How do you mean?
I mean, I love Owen, his name's
Owen and I love him.
I just, I don't know, things are
so weird right now.
We might be moving in together
though, which I think...
I think could help.
I think we just need some
newness, you know?
PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: Okay,
guys, they're ready for you.
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
Okay, act like you have
a secret.
No, like... like you have
a secret.
There was nothing I could do
Nothing I could do
- Hi.
- Hi.
I'm Owen.
I'm just waiting for my
boyfriend.
Okay.
That's phenomenal, cheers.
Thank you.
I mean, it's just one photo and
it is a big group show...
but who knows, maybe it'll sell.
I'm actually a bit of an
amateur photographer myself.
- Oh what, like your Instagram?
- Yeah.
It's crazy, like with all the
fans of the show.
Oh, I was kidding.
Okay, I can take a picture
of anything I see, right?
Mm-hm.
As soon as I post it like
100 likes...
500 likes, 1,000... guys like
everything.
- Um, can I click refresh?
- Yeah, do it.
- Crazy.
- OWEN: Holy shit, it's this guy.
Hey, look, don't worry about it.
I deal with this kind
of thing all the time.
He probably wants a
picture or something.
Just let me do the talking.
What's up, man?
Wow, okay.
You know, she made me watch your
stupid little show...
and I actually liked it.
I didn't want to, but I
did, but not anymore.
You just lost a viewer in me,
buddy boy, okay.
I will no longer be using...
Hallie's mother's HBOGo
password.
Good luck with Season 4.
That the boyfriend you
mentioned.
Yeah.
Sorry, man, can I give you
a dollar for a cigarette?
You can just have one.
Thanks.
I'm sorry, can I get a lighter
too?
Can't believe she brought
him here, our fucking spot.
- Excuse me.
- Hm?
Now we're on this whole
true crime kick.
Did you know the movie theater
I work at is like fully haunted?
- Wait, what?
- Mm-hm.
In the 90's, the owner was
murdered by a hit man...
who was hired by the
projectionist, his lover?
Because he thought
he was in the will.
Unreal.
How do people still think that
they can be...
the beneficiary of a
murder victim's shit...
have them killed and that they
won't be busted by the cops...
- within one second.
- I know, right?
(PHONE DINGS)
Wait, who is it?
She says, "Almost back
with the actor.
"Sorry for the short notice."
Can you respond, "all good"?
Sure, what's your passcode?
One, two, three, four.
Wow, crack security system
you got there?
I have nothing to hide.
Also, so should we leave?
Oh! I didn't realize you guys
were here!
Hi.
Oh, looks like we got a
full house over here.
Oh, hi guys.
WILLA:
Hey, we're just about to bounce.
- Are you doing Cat Cow?
- Just one sec, I'm almost there.
- Oh, yeah.
- Okay.
- Are you ready?
- Oh, yeah.
(TOILET FLUSHING)
I was just very intimately
associated...
with whatever's happening there.
Oh, man, I wish I could stay
the night.
Bye.
(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
- Hi.
- Hi.
I'm sorry. Were we too loud?
No, no, you're all good.
I mean yeah, but no, you
actually have a second to talk?
Yeah, sure, what's going on?
Um, okay. I know this is so
weird and out of the blue...
but um, Thad asked me to move
in with him.
Australia Thad?
Yeah, he's like moving
here to be with me.
Oh my god, Clara, congrats.
It's so annoying, isn't it?
I mean the worst?
Oh my god, no, no, I'm happy
for you.
I heard you sh-banging.
(PHONE VIBRATES)
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
Hand me that little box in the
compartment, will you, pal?
- (SLURPING)
- Sorry.
ACTOR (ON SCREEN):
Hold the wheel, will you?
How far you goin'?
I think it's cute you made me
a mix tape.
It's like we're in eighth grade.
Are you making fun of me?
Yeah.
- I put that DJ Diaz song on here.
- Hm?
For our first night.
Oh, our dry-humping song.
Okay, well, they're actually
playing pretty soon.
I could be down.
Dope, well, I should head out.
- I have to be...
- No!
- I got some stuff to do.
- No, you don't.
Wait, no, this is not
going to work.
- You're breaking up with me?
- Shut up, sink sex.
This is not gonna work, either.
Nothing's good enough for you.
Under the covers I gave
myself to you
Clara left some crystals.
Wait, so your old landlord
shipped over all this stuff.
He must've really liked you.
Yeah, he had a crush on me,
so he kept them for awhile.
Yo, what's up?
OWEN (OVER PHONE): What up,
biatch? You stick your finger...
in Willa's butt last night
or what?
I'm sorry. Yo, dude, come on.
Bro, do you believe this shit?
Do I believe what shit?
Is Hallie fucking Persky,
she is, isn't she?
Son of a fucking bitch.
Honestly, I could tell
at the 4th of July party.
That guy has been trying to fuck
her for so long. Holy shit.
First that stupid ass
from the spacecraft show...
- and now this fool?
- Bro, what are you talking about?
Bro, I can see it
on their Instagrams...
they're commenting back and
forth like dumb shit.
Like "dope sunset".
MATT (OVER PHONE): Dude, why are
you so charged up?
Honestly his name should be
a verb, to Persky.
Sample sentence, "Hey, I just
heard they broke up...
"so I'm going to Persky the shit
out of her!"
Yo, you need to relax, bro.
Relaxed? I feel like I'm
going to fucking stroke out.
I feel like Liotta at the
end of Goodfellas...
seeing fucking helicopters.
Alright, I'm sorry.
Look, I'm with Willa right
now, so I can't really talk.
Okay, whatever Hallie's up to,
it's fine.
I'm on a record breaking fuck
streak of my own right now.
So listen, mysterious and busy,
my man, you feel me...
or she'll break your little
heart in half.
Thank god, you guys are here.
This is so embarrassing.
Nobody is here.
Hal, what are you talking about?
They're totally people here.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, but nobody that I invited.
I mean it's literally you guys
and my boss...
- that showed up for me.
- Fuck everyone else.
Brandon Saknov texted me being
like, daddy can't find his keys.
And then fucking Shareen
texted me being like...
Baby Girl, I'm stuck with this
guy. I love you.
I would literally do
anything to be there.
It's like, really? Would you?
I mean my next show's just gonna
be screen grabs of those...
text messages called reasons why
my friends bailed on my opening.
- We'll come to that one.
- Yep.
Hallie, I want you to meet
Lindsay.
Lindsay lives in the house
we shot Dexter in.
Stop.
And Lindsay, this is Hallie,
my assistant.
That house is beautiful.
Thank you so much
for letting us use it.
I wish it was mine, I'm just
housesitting for my godmother...
I didn't even tell her
you guys used it.
So, Lindsay, this is
Hallie's photograph.
It's the best one here
as far as I'm concerned.
Oh my god, thank you so much
for saying that.
I just wish my love life was
going as well as my work life.
I'm sorry, I don't know why
I said that.
I think I've just had way
too much wine.
No, there's no such
thing as too much wine.
In fact, maybe we
should get you some more.
Yes, please.
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
Her ring.
Fucking kidding me.
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
Let's go swimming.
Come on.
Ready?
Seriously.
Oh, wait, my pants.
- Oh, sorry, I'll go in the back.
- Sorry.
Two of you, one of me.
I think he's dropping you off
first anyways.
I'm Eugene by the way.
- Willa.
- Hi, pleasure.
Um, can we maybe not tell Owen
about what just happened?
- Oh, he'd totally lose his shit.
- Yeah.
Who's Owen?
I can't wait to be neighbors.
I'm just gonna be the guy
in the back yard blasting...
Dashboard Confessional.
You are never living that down,
you're a fucking plagerizer.
Well, you have to admit I
was at least convincing at it.
I would, you know, cross
stuff out...
so it would seem like I'd make
mistakes as it went on.
Buddy, they reminded me
of the Zodiac letters.
I mean, I knew the whole time.
I've told you this, it's sweet.
You're comparing me to the
Zodiac killer...
but you're letting me live
in your back house.
Very mixed signals.
So that's you, that
back house right there.
- Hey babe.
- Hey baby.
- Here's coffee.
- Nice, thank you.
- Mm-hm.
- Oh, hey, man, Ash.
Hey, Owen.
Yeah, oh, this is our new
tenant. Oh my god.
Oh yeah, right, nice to meet
you, brother.
Nice to meet you.
You got a good one.
Yeah.
- Morning, sunshine.
- Yeah, good morning.
I can't believe you grew up
in this fuck palace.
Yeah.
So what's the deal with your
parents?
Uh, they... they do visual
effects together...
and my mom's a VFX producer and
my dad's a VFX supervisor.
They worked together,
that's cute.
Yeah, they're like perfect.
And they're doing this new
Marvel movie in Atlanta.
Well, when are they back?
I really want to meet them.
Sorry.
Wait, have you ever introduced
them to a girl before?
What, no, no...
I just thought maybe it was
like a little soon, but, but no.
If, if, if you want to meet
them, then I'd love that.
I mean, yeah, they're
back in like a month.
Oh, perfect, just in time
for the wedding.
Yeah, I never introduced
them to a girlfriend before.
- I'm sorry, did I just ruin it?
- No.
I know, we haven't had that
conversation yet.
No, no, no, it's all good.
Oh, how could I forget?
This is for you.
A mix CD.
You already gave me one.
Do you remember? Are you okay?
No, this is an
extension of that one.
Yeah, I made a playlist of like 40
something songs...
and this everything I can fit
on the first one...
because you can only do like 20
or 21 on a CD.
Big Willa Style, mix number two.
- This time it's personal.
- Personal, yeah.
Whoa.
So, uh, want to get
some breakfast?
Um, I'm actually not hungry.
Oh, okay.
Well, I mean we could do like
a... do a bagel run...
we could get like a dozen or
something bagels.
That's a lot of bagels.
Oh shit. I just remembered
my laundry.
Oh, word, we can... we can go
grab it.
No, it'll get moldy and wrinkly.
Um, I'm just going
to run and grab it.
I-I will call you later.
Oh cool. I gotta go help Owen
move in, so that's perfect.
Fuck.
Hallie, want to get some food?
I'm fucking starving.
Also, apparently Owen
has a new place.
HALLIE (OVER PHONE):
Clara's here just come home.
- Hi, Willa!
- Okay.
(PHONE DINGS)
Okay, are you guys ready?
Can't believe we're gonna hear a
song that you actually wrote.
Sweet Virginia has to wait
Got a lovesick heart on fire
Got a lovesick heart on fire
All her friends know
she's on a wire
Sweet sweet
Makes her say the strangest
things
She told Marie that she
was in love
Fell into the arms of Hadra's
smile
At the break of a cracking
dawn
On the Westside high
So Virginia stays at home
Doing all the simple household
things
Picking up the phone and
letting it ring
And she plays in lover's eye
Sweet
So nice being back here.
Honestly, Thad won't even
let me smoke in the house.
It's really annoying.
Thank you so much.
Willa, what are you doing?
Are you texting Jacob?
I thought you said
you were done with him.
Leave me alone, let me live.
Forget about Jakob, okay?
He's a dick.
- He spells his name like Jacob.
- That is true.
Just make it work with Matt.
I mean, I know he's weird,
but he's a good guy...
and you're being stupid, okay.
I mean, you have someone that
wants to spend time with you.
Okay, I am... I'm alone, like I am...
I'm so fucking alone...
to be honest, I just cannot hear
you go on and on and on...
any more about how
Matt texted me too much.
Matt just wants to
eat bagels with me.
Like I'm too fragile right now,
okay.
Owen never wanted to
just eat bagels with me.
Favorite Selfie face.
The classic, the pout.
The classic pout from this
angle.
Who's this dude?
I don't trust this guy.
- These one's are super cute.
- Okay, we're done.
Can I plug my phone in?
Yeah, sure.
Ooh, actually, I have an idea.
Okay, um, okay, can I do
a magic trick for you?
- Are you gonna think I'm weird?
- Okay.
Okay, wait, was that a yes?
You're just gonna think
I'm weird?
Yes.
Let me... I gotta get warmed up,
let me see, um...
Okay, pick a card.
Don't show me, though.
I'm actually really nervous.
- Yeah? You got it?
- Okay.
Okay, let's hope my powers are
on point today...
because sometimes I'm
a little off.
Put it back, right there.
- Okay... take a look at it.
- Mm-hm.
- Don't show me, okay.
- No?
- You remember it.
- I remember.
Because if you forget it,
it does kind of make the magic.
- Okay.
- All right.
- Do you want me to shuffle?
- Mm-hm.
Yeah? Wow, you are very
suspicious.
I thought you were more
trusting of me.
I don't see... okay, here we go.
I'm going to try and find
your card out of all these.
But I'm going to try to
find it using my mouth.
Okay, and double check,
there's nothing in my mouth?
- Okay.
- We good? Okay, here we go.
Well, there is, there's teeth
and the tongue...
but if you miss that
then you'll miss anything.
Okay.
- No, it's not my card.
- What?
- It's not my card.
- Oh, my god, what?
Fuck.
Are you okay?
I'm so sorry, this has never
happened to me before.
- Oh, my god.
- Oh, my god, I feel so ill.
- What the fuck?
- Wait, my eyes are watering.
- Was that it?
- What the... how did you do that?
You're such a nerd.
Thank you, I actually take that
as a compliment.
Oh, my god.
- Mm.
- Mm.
- Is there no clasp?
- Just untie it.
Did you go to the beach today?
No.
Then why are you wearing
a bathing suit?
Because I didn't have any clean
bras.
I thought you just did your
laundry.
Isn't that why you left the
other day, to get your laundry?
Why don't you just tell me
stuff?
Sorry.
Just... just tell me, okay.
That I don't want to
hang out or whatever.
I don't want to hang out with
you sometimes, you know?
That's not true, you always want
to hang out with me.
- Hey.
- Stop.
Next time I'll tell you I don't
want to see your face anymore.
I'll say, "Hey, go fuck
yourself.
"You're bothering me and
you're being an idiot."
Good, right? That's what I want
to hear.
Hey, stop acting like a
pussy right now.
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
Hup.
- I got it.
- Oh, thanks.
Sure.
Um, what are you doing tonight?
I think Ash has got a work
drinks thing.
He's freaking out about
fatherhood or something.
This is when he sneaks off to
have a glass of chardonnay...
which I know means slam back
three martinis in ten minutes.
Hey, I thought you guys were
great.
Ah, it's not as good
as it looks.
All right, I will see you later.
Okay, I got it.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Who is that?
Just my old friend, new
landlord.
So what? You're like jogging
now?
Yup.
(MUSIC FADES UP)
Sorry, I'll be ready in a sec.
WILLA: I can't believe you
guys hooked up.
Stop. How's... how's everything
with Matt?
Honestly, I don't know.
HALLIE: What do you mean,
you don't know?
Come on. I meaning Lindsay
at 6:00.
Aw, my little lesbian.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
(SIGHS)
Okay.
Oh dude, you gotta stop
liking...
you and Hallie's facebook
photos.
You know when you do that, it
shows up on everybody's feed.
Right?
You know, she came here today,
showed up completely...
randomly out of nowhere.
What is that, what is that move?
It's a power move.
Yeah, I, uh, I might've
given Willa the address.
It was you?
Yeah. I'm sorry, she asked
and I was...
And you gave it to her.
Who's side are you on?
I'm sorry, man, she gets
what she wants.
You can't do that.
You can't give out a man's
address like that.
(PHONE DINGS)
No, I feel like will and I
are kind of hitting a wall.
Fuck romantic fulfillment.
I'm seriously busy, man.
I've just... I've told you
over and over and over.
Mysterious and busy.
It should be your mantra,
you're way too available.
- I know.
- For once in your life, don't be.
No, it's just called being nice.
It's not being nice,
it's being available.
Being nice is like opening doors
for people and...
and showing up to places
on time.
Being too available is when you
see the little text bubble...
show up the second after you
finished writing the text,
like you can't do that.
- I know.
- Mysterious and busy.
Real life example, today,
I go on a nice run.
I come back, Hallie's waiting
for me...
wearing my favorite dress
and I'm like, hello.
We started making out.
We come in here and I eat
her pussy...
- exactly where you're sitting.
- Oh lovely, thank you.
And that was it, that was the
entire interaction.
Because I'm serious and busy.
- You mind giving me another pour?
- Sure, bro.
Nope, you failed the test.
The serious and busy test,
you failed it. Failed it.
I literally put it right here so
I have access to it...
so I could just reach and pour.
- Would you like some?
- No, I'm fine, thank you.
- I'm busy.
- Good.
That was test number two.
That one you passed.
(MUSIC FADES UP)
- Hey.
- Hey.
So should we just go to the show
or...
I don't know, I thought we could
hang out for a sec.
You know, I think DJ Diaz goes
on at 9:00, so...
Oh yeah, don't want to be
late for the show.
All right.
I'm sorry, I'm an idiot, I'm
sure they'll start late.
Oh, you're serious.
I was literally just
trying to fuck you.
Hey.
What's going on?
- Well, hey.
- Hey.
Are you guys...
We're catching up?
Cool, cool, got it.
Why do you always reek
of deli meat?
See what I'm dealing with here?
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
I can't believe you bought
a shirt.
Yeah, it's pretty dope.
Is it weird if I get
a Caeser salad?
Yeah.
- Oh, my god.
- Holy shit, girl.
Come here. Oh, my god, oh, my
god, we gotta get that drink.
Yeah, I mean, no worries,
I've been busy.
So good to see you.
- Hey man, Jakob.
- Hey, Matt, nice to meet you man.
- Nice to meet you. Nice merge.
- Thanks.
Well, I'm gonna head out, I was
just here to see the opener.
Good to meet you. Good to see
you.
- Nice to see you.
- Nice to meet you.
You want a drink?
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
Hypothetically, if we were to
get back together...
(PHONE VIBRATES)
it would be better because
I've, I've grown.
Okay, well let me tell you
something.
If you think you jut break
things off between us...
so you can go on like a
rumspringa or something...
and then come back and be like,
oh I've grown.
You are in for a rude fucking
awakening, Owen.
Hallie, that's not how
I meant it!
And besides, I'm kind
of seeing someone.
Okay, like, like in a real way?
Yeah, like in a real way.
This girl, so...
- You're dating a girl?
- Mm-hm.
I didn't know that
was of interest to you.
- Okay, you can answer the phone.
- It's fine, it's not.
Something might be wrong.
Was it going on when you came
over and I went down on you?
Was what going on?
Yeah, the girl, yeah.
I can't believe you're dating
a girl...
and you're just telling me now,
this is insane.
Mom, you're fucking killing me!
Anyways, I've been doing a lot
of thinking...
and at first, I was so fucking
mad at you, I was.
I was thinking like, how did I
waste the first half of my...
twenties with this guy who I'm
not going to marry?
Right.
But then I realized, you know,
that these, these last five...
- years have been the opposite...
- Three.
It's been three years.
...have been the opposite of a
waste and that even if we...
hurt each other, it's...
it's fine.
It's all part of how we're gonna
become the people...
we're gonna be, so I'm at peace.
I fucked up.
Okay, I shouldn't have said that
I wanted a break.
I was naive enough to think that
it could be a break...
- and not a break up.
- (PHONE VIBRATES)
Owen, just answer the phone.
Yes, mother.
I don't, I don't, I don't.
I don't know.
I don't know what channel
TCM is.
I can't talk, I'm
with Hallie right now.
No, actually, I don't know.
I really don't know.
- She's dating a girl.
- Owen!
I know, I know, you're right.
Okay, I gotta go. I'll talk to
you later. Bye. I love you.
Do you just tell your mom
I'm a lesbian?
Why would you tell your mom
that?
It's fine. I also just want to
say this non sequitur...
but I, I did slightly
resent the fact...
that you neglected to tell me...
that you were using my likeness
in your photo gallery.
Are you fucking serious?
Yeah, I'm serious.
I mean, the photo may as well
have been a picture...
of a pile of dog shit
for all you care.
Maybe we should...
Maybe the problem is that we
kept in touch...
and that we slept together or
that we're obviously going...
at completely different
speeds...
so maybe let's just not talk
for a while.
Okay. You know, I just want
to point out...
that I never put any
pressure on you.
I mean, yes, I wanted to move in
together out of practicality.
I wasn't secretly
plotting a wedding.
That was all you projecting.
So what's that Jakob guy's deal?
Just some guy I know
from New York.
I saw your texts with him.
What are you talking about?
I know I shouldn't have, but...
I looked on your phone
a while back.
Wait, you hacked into my
phone?
It was a moment of weakness,
I'm sorry.
It was so long ago, things
with Jakob.
It was like May.
Also it didn't even mean
anything, so who cares?
Whatever's been happening
between us...
whatever it's called, it's a big
deal to me, all right.
Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe. Maybe it
shouldn't be, but it is.
It's a big deal to me.
Yeah, and it's a big deal
to me, too.
I don't think it is,
but that's fine.
Obviously you find yourself
in these situations...
more often than I do and you're
a lot better at it than I am.
I had a thing with this girl
a while back.
She went abroad, and... the whole
time I thought that maybe...
I'd have another shot when she
came back, but then I found...
out she dated like four other
guys that year.
To me, she was the one that got
away, but to her I was a blip.
I was just some guy she fucked.
And I'm not mad at you, you
don't owe me anything, but...
I don't know, I just think maybe
we shouldn't do this anymore.
Wait, what?
No, what are you saying?
Can I still sleep over?
I feel like you're a whole
section of my story...
and I'm like a footnote
in yours.
I promise you're not a footnote.
I promise you're at least
a chapter.
I'm so happy that you were
the one to break it off...
with Willa and not the other
way around.
I thought she could've fucking
prison shanked you...
and you would have stayed
with her?
Honestly, I wish we were better
at communicating, you know.
It's like you can never be
inside someone else's head...
and I guess you wouldn't
want to be.
Not unless you're a
fucking Taro card reader.
I mean, she's got to communicate
with you, too, you know?
Here's what it is. She's like,
she's like a cat...
who keeps asking you to pet it
and then you do...
and she just slips out of your
hands and runs away.
I think you need to work on your
analogies, sweetheart.
- Oops... shit!
- Go under.
No, no, no, no, don't
go any further.
Easy. Cheers.
I get it, Matt's too nice
for you.
I mean, it's not the cliche of
"I like assholes".
I like nice guys.
It's just that the nice guys
turn out to be pretty needy...
and then you realize, oh, he's
being a pussy.
I think I'm just being
an asshole.
You lost me.
When would we get a chance to do
this if you were with Hallie...
and I was with Willa?
Yeah, I'm glad we broke up with
our fucking beautiful...
significant others so we can
hang out with each other...
and strap Tecates to our hands.
I'm having the time of my life!
That's what's sad...
you really are having the time
of your life.
Honestly, I can't believe
Hallie's dating a girl.
I don't know, I think they were
just hooking up.
- What, really?
- Yeah.
She just told me they were
dating.
Like she just... when I just saw
her...
she was like, "we're dating.
You should know."
And she was like, well, I'm
dating her.
Is she trying to fuck with me,
what is she doing?
To be fair, you, you,
you broke up with her.
You're right.
Jesus, am I the needy one
in the Jakob situation?
Am I his Matt?
Enough Jakob, you only like him
because he didn't text you back.
I mean technically I moved
out here to go to grad school.
Obviously in the back of my
mind, part of it...
was that Jakob would be
out here.
Hm.
Am I felicity?
Willa, we're all felicity.
Look, fuck Jakob, okay?
I've said it before,
but Jakob's a dick...
and that is my philosophy.
Your philosophy is that Jakob's
a dick.
No, my philosophy is that if
someone is not being nice...
to you, then you fucking
drop them.
I don't want to get back
together and then just spend...
the rest of the time resenting
each other all over again.
You know?
I don't think you ever
find someone...
you don't resent
and that's part of it.
Just find the person who
you want to resent, you know.
Hey, Matt.
I don't know, I think you're
overthinking it. It's easy...
to forget how hard it can be
just to connect with someone.
Yeah.
It's like when you pass a
parking space...
because you want one close to
the restaurant...
and then you circle the block
and you come back and it's gone.
Okay.
Honestly, really in a
lifetime...
how many people do you truly
connect with?
Matt, Owen is not a parking
space.
Just, can you go talk to him,
please?
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
- Want to go for a swim?
- No!
Hi.
(PHONE DINGS)
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
(PHONE VIBRATES)
Hello?
HALLIE (OVER PHONE): I'm
outside, you don't have a bell.
I'll be right there.
You, uh, you, you
want something to drink?
Uh, like what? Like tap
water or something?
Well, actually went shopping...
and I have um, San Pellegrino?
San Pellegrino?
What are you like
a gondolier now?
Please.
Can I actually have a sip?
I forgot, that's my last one.
That's good.
So I, I'm just basically, I just
wanted to say again...
that I'm, I'm sorry for being so
selfish and um...
I feel like everybody creates
their own narrative...
in their head and for whatever
reason I felt like I was...
somebody who needed to explore
things...
and the more lonely I got, the
more I realized that...
was something I didn't actually
feel but convinced myself...
that I needed to feel it, and
maybe that's the same thing.
I don't even know the
difference anymore.
Owen, I didn't come here
for some big apology.
I just came here to talk.
Will you move in with me?
Sorry, what?
Move in with you where, here?
Why don't we, for once, let the
fact that something...
is a bad idea, stop us from
doing it.
No, it doesn't have to be here.
It could be anywhere.
We can get our
own place together.
- You're kidding.
- It's just transitional.
Look, look, I know, I know I
ruined everything, I know that.
I know I'm an asshole, I know
that I'm an idiot.
I'm really, really ready now.
I'm truly like I'm ready,
I promise.
I thought you said this place
is just transitional.
Look, I, I cleaned out
half my closet for you.
You moved your four shirts
like over on a fucking rail.
Well, for some people,
that's significant.
I cleaned the bathroom, I bought
flowers and I put them...
in this vase and I swiffered the
fucking floor for you and...
I've never made a copy of a key
in my entire life...
and I made a copy of a key
for you. So please, Hallie...
please, will you move in
with me?
No.
(KEY CLANKS)
I'm sorry, I just...
I don't think we could
ever go back.
You're seriously not gonna say
anything about the new couch?
Yeah, it was the first
thing I noticed.
I know it was the first thing
you noticed and you...
didn't fucking say anything,
you're so annoying.
You're so fucking annoying.
This is outdoor furniture,
this is not a couch.
- It's a day bed, it's a fucking...
- It's a day bed.
Is it not a couch? Is it not
something you sit on?
Doesn't that make it a couch?
Oh, fucking rough, man.
Oh, god.
I hate you.
I hate you, too.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
- Hi!
- Hi.
What's up? Come on in.
I'm so glad you guys could come.
Yeah, we were just at some
lame party...
when you texted us,
so here we are.
- Hey, I'm Matt.
- Willa.
- Awesome, nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
- Born and raised.
- Yeah that's what my friend said.
Yeah, I mean, that's why I came
here, because I just wanted...
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(MUSIC PLAYING)
First time we hung out, what did
I think of you?
Yeah.
When was that, was that the
night that...
Come on, you're kidding.
Remember I brought Willow over
to that apartment...
you and Matt had in the East
Village?
OWEN:
Yes, of course, I remember.
OWEN: Let's see, I thought that
you were really hot...
but also that you may murder me
in my sleep one day.
HALLIE: Shut up.
OWEN:
You want one tea bag or two?
HALLIE: That's it? You just...
you thought I was hot?
OWEN: Yeah, I mean, I had never
seen you naked before.
- OWEN: That was a great night.
- (KETTLE WHISTLING)
OWEN: I fucking miss New York.
HALLIE: When we were there,
you missed L.A.
OWEN: Okay, I remember looking
at you that night...
and thinking you weren't like
anyone I'd ever met before.
OWEN: I thought that you were
very special.
OWEN: Do you want honey?
HALLIE:
One tea bag and yeah, honey.
HALLIE: Aren't you gonna ask me
what I thought?
OWEN: Oh, yeah, sure.
HALLIE: Never mind.
OWEN: Okay, here's your tea.
You really need to get rid
of this couch.
I can't do that, I'm sorry.
I like it too much.
Well, it's old and it's
disgusting...
and even Goodwill would reject
it at this point.
So, I think it's time for you
to take it upon yourself...
To just do whatever you want
me to, at all times of the day?
Please.
Look at you.
- Wait, stop, stop!
- What?
- I think my Nuva Ring fell out.
- What?
Now I don't feel like it's
in there.
You can feel that?
What does it look like?
Like a glow bracelet.
It's not in the hat.
- (SIGHS)
- Is that it?
You know what's on HBOGo?
What?
The Stephen Hawking movie.
We were just like... fucking.
You want to watch that?
I don't feel good.
- Wait, I just...
- Please?
I can't go from almost fucking
to Hawking, I just can't.
You can.
Only 'cause you're sick.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(PHONE DINGS)
Shit, what time is it?
Matty's out front, I told him
he could ride with us to Malibu.
We really need to find him
a girlfriend.
- (PHONE VIBRATES)
- How about your cousin?
Willa? She'd eat him up
like a praying mantis.
Hi, are you at mine?
Hey, I made it! Let me in.
HALLIE (OVER PHONE): I slept
at Owen's actually, sorry!
But I left you a key
under the flower pot.
We're leaving soon, so just
meet us in Malibu.
(MUSIC FADES UP)
MATT: Oh, uh...
- Oh, sorry, child lock.
- Thank you.
Hold on, hold on. Here you go.
- What was it too many?
- Yeah.
- It's good.
- Well, now.
Gotta get you some sun before
Willa gets here, you know?
You look like Tilda Swinton.
- Do you want some?
- No, I don't.
- I don't like it.
- It's so good.
It's gross, everyone puts their
hands in there.
- But it's the good stuff.
- No, it's not.
It's all in your teeth.
So when is your hot cousin
get here?
Okay, no, she literally just
moved here.
Do not pull a Matt on her,
it will not end well for you.
- She's hot.
- She is hot.
And she's coming, right?
Yeah, she's in an Uber,
you happy?
- Hallie, what's up?
- Oh, hi.
Glad you guys made it,
would you like a beer?
Yeah, thanks.
I'd love one, thanks.
Honestly, I gotta fucking pee
so bad...
Wanna bet you break the seal
before I do?
If you win, I'll convince Hallie
to talk you up with Willa.
If I win... you have to give me
your Bang Bros password.
- Deal.
- Done.
You are one lucky fuck,
you know that?
- What?
- I'm just saying you're free.
You're free! I wish I was.
You wish you were free? All
right, fucking Ted Nugent...
well, you wanna know what
I do with my freedom?
Last night, I ate an entire
rotisserie chicken...
and diarrhea'd like 12 times.
I only had three hours sleep,
'cause I had such bad diarrhea.
- Uh-huh, uh-huh.
- Hi.
- I love you.
- What was that?
- What?
- What were you guys doing?
- Don't be crazy.
- Why, you think he's photogenic?
Oh, fuck, this, I lose.
Honestly, you embarrass me
in front of my friends.
He's not like doing anything,
stop being crazy and have fun.
(PEEING)
Oh my God! Oh my God!
Oh my God! I'm so sorry, Willa.
Wait, how do you know my name?
Oh, we've met... several times.
I'm Owen's best friend, Matt.
Oh, yeah, shit, sorry.
I'm just really bad with names
and faces.
- So, like, people?
- I guess.
Now we really know each other.
(MUSIC FADES UP)
- Hi.
- Hi, babe.
Look at us, just "meeting up."
So casual.
Stop, stop.
Bright lights feel alright
I'm gonna see her again
tonight
But then I see you and
I wanna go
Where the beach is warm
And I won't get stung
And I won't get stormed by
Memories of you
Baby is this how you feel
I wanna know wanna know
Is this how you feel
I wanna know wanna know
Is this how you feel
I wanna know wanna know
Is this how you feel baby
Is this how you feel
Is this how you feel baby
OWEN: Hey, hey... why are you
acting so weird?
HALLIE: I'm fine. Maybe let's
just go home soon.
OWEN: You don't wanna watch
the fireworks...
- with your new boyfriend?
- This is a way-better spot.
The walk is gonna be worth it.
HALLIE: You're insane, I mean,
are you serious?
HALLIE:
You're actually insane.
I don't feel great and
I wanna go...
and I want you to wanna go, too.
It's the Fourth of July!
Can't we just celebrate the
Declaration of Independence...
without you having a manic
fucking episode?
I also think I left a candle
burning...
and it's haunted me all
afternoon.
That's never happened, that
never happened.
- Happened once.
- That happened once in your life!
I can't focus on anything else!
Okay, also lower your voice,
okay, everybody can hear us!
Nobody can hear us, nobody
cares!
Everybody's outside watching the
fucking fireworks display...
which, by the way, I would like
to be doing right now.
People can hear us and it's
embarrassing for both of us.
Stop pretending you care about
something...
just so you can be mad
about it.
I'm not! You know what, why
don't you learn...
how to apologize without having
a whole comeback?
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
We fight at every fucking party.
I honestly feel like I'm like
14, this is too exciting.
Just me? Okay, cool.
I like those ones.
- The all-glittery ones?
- Yeah.
You wanna watch
It's Complicated?
I'll fall asleep to whatever
you want.
- Hey.
- What?
Hey.
Okay, so how do we know
each other?
Oh, well, Owen, Hallie, and I
went to school in New York...
so I guess probably when you
came to visit sometime maybe?
Okay, I vaguely remember that.
Yeah, you guys came over to me
and Owen's place...
in the East Village after some
party, and you and I hung out...
and drank Brooklyn Lager
while it snowed...
and watched the sun came up.
I mean, yeah, I think that was
it.
I don't even remember, it was a
long time ago.
No, yes, wait!
That was the first night...
that Hallie and Owen hooked up,
right?
- Yeah, right!
- Yeah!
Wait, where are they, anyway?
Oh, Owen texted me, they had to
leave.
Yeah, I should probably get
going soon, too.
I just remembered, I left my car
at Owen's.
Do you think maybe I could
get a ride?
Yeah, I don't have a car,
I'm just Ubering for right now.
Oh, well, you want me to get us
one back to the mainland?
I mean, I'm on the way to
Hallie's, you can drop me.
Okay, um, but split it with
me...
because I'm sure it's fucking
expensive.
No, stop, don't be silly.
Are you sure?
Yeah, honestly, my treat.
You know what time I think
it is?
What?
How about this, huh? A little
bit of swivel hips?
You like my, uh, get down
for you, mama, like that?
Gonna get nice and deep for you
tonight, baby.
There you go, nice and deep,
good angles.
Stop!
You're insane.
You gotta have the rythym,
you know?
You don't have a lot of rythym.
I think you're done, you're
done.
I didn't shower... should I?
Yeah.
Aw fuck, they're increasing the
rent to this place in September.
I'm not gonna be able
to afford this.
I'm probably gonna have
to move?
Ugh, I'm sorry, that's awful.
Between the rent for this place,
my student loans, my Propecia...
I can't.
Well, one way you could keep
living here...
is if I moved in officially.
I mean, I know we haven't talked
about it in a while...
and I know it's not your
favorite subject...
but let's just move in together.
I mean, I love Clara, but I'm
too old for a roommate...
I'm over here all the time,
anyway.
It just kind of makes sense,
you know?
MATT: What?
- Holy shit.
- Oh, my god.
Hey... after you.
Thanks.
- Oh.
- Oh.
Okay.
- Happy Fourth!
- Hey!
Nice car.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
I can't believe you actually
grew up in LA.
I feel like nobody does.
Yeah, me and Owen both did.
What about you? What'd you move
out here for?
Well, I've been living in New
York since school...
but I'm actually going to grad
school in September.
Comp Lit. USC.
Wow, I'm impressed.
I've read maybe four whole books
in my entire life...
and I wouldn't know how to
compare them.
I wouldn't admit that.
Oh, this is me... thanks.
Whoa, you live here?
Yeah, this is my spot.
Well, good night.
Yeah, night. It was nice
to see you again.
Um, hey, let me get your number
real quick.
Yeah, sure.
Sorry.
I feel it yeah yeah
I feel it
I feel it yeah yeah
I feel it
Purple devil, I use that one
a lot.
I feel it in my body
I feel it
I feel it in the bed
I feel it
I feel it on the mouth
I feel it
I feel it in the air
in the air
Here you go, after you.
Whoa, do you have roommates?
This is my parents' place,
actually.
They're out of town, at the
moment.
Ooh, got the house to ourselves.
Okay, you have to take off those
flip-flops.
Holy shit, are those rocket ship
sheets?
Hey, look, some girls think
it's adorable, what can I say?
And your books are color-coded?
Okay, look, I was in a dark
place after college.
Stop looking at my room, please?
How do your parents let you live
like this? It's inhumane.
Honestly, I want to get a bigger
bed, but it just feels...
kind of symbolic at this point,
you know.
Like I'm saying, "Guys, I'm here
to stay! I'm never moving out!"
You know, the twin bed kind
of keeps that dream alive.
Maybe don't feel like you have
to talk all the time.
Right. Gotcha.
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
Do you like these guys? DJDS?
Ah, sorry, the mesh is kind of
chafing on these.
Hey, I don't think we should
have sex, is that okay?
Just, I just... not until we
know each other.
I just don't like to have sex
when I first meet somebody.
Ah, that's... honestly, I'm just
happy to be here.
But like... should we have sex?
We shouldn't have sex right?
I mean, I wouldn't not have sex
with you right now.
But I'm also not in any hurry,
so...
Maybe we should just have sex
and get it over with.
I don't have a condom.
- It's cool, I have an IUD.
- Okay.
All right.
I'm sorry about my twin bed.
I mean, I feel like a pedophile.
- What?
- It's fine, just fuck me.
Okay.
You want me to go get a towel?
Sure.
MATT: The Uber back from Malibu
cost, no joke, $137.
Wait, wait, wait, how quickly
did you cum?
Dude.
Just tell me how quick was it?
It was like 45 seconds.
Oh, that's actually longer than
I would have guessed.
I apologized, and we watched
Shark Tank.
Oh, my god, you guys are
fucking vile, you know that?
Maggie, I met an amazing girl!
Yeah, you sound like Jimmy
Stewart...
the way you're talking about
her.
He legit just hooked up with
this girl...
and he's talking about how much
he loves her.
You're... it's less than 24 hours
ago and you're talking...
about how she's your
quote-unquote future wife.
- You fucking psycho.
- Aw...
- You poor psycho.
- You think I just met her?
She and I had this unbelievable
Before Sunrise-level night...
five years ago, we just finally
reconnected.
No, you didn't, no,
you didn't...
because she has no recollection
of that night ever happening.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Owen, you
shouldn't talk, this guy...
plagiarized Dashboard
Confessional lyrics...
and said you wrote them about
me, so...
All right, well, number one,
I had a very big crush on you.
- Huge.
- Number two, it was ninth grade.
Number three, the Dashboard
lyrics articulated something...
that 14-year-old me wasn't able
to articulate at the time.
Honestly, I haven't liked anyone
this much since...
I dunno, since Rachel Flegelman!
Flegelman, the girl, who every
time you guys did coke...
would lick your butthole.
- Yeah.
- Jesus!
Hey, butthole licking is part of
the human experience!
I don't want to hear more
about that.
Are you out of your minds
right now?
Maggie, how are you, what's
going on?
- Oh, my god, I'm so good.
- You look great.
- I can't believe you're pregnant.
- Thanks... thanks, man...
literally, two seconds pregnant.
How are you, how's your lady,
Hallie?
She's good, she's really good.
I mean, she asked me to move
in the other night...
and I didn't know what to say...
and that was obviously not a
good reaction on my part.
Buddy, that's a bad sign.
I don't know, it feels like
we're on auto pilot...
or something, you know
what I mean?
It's like when you say a word
over and over and over again...
and it starts to lose its
meaning.
That's where it feels like
we're at.
Listen, you're scared,
that's okay.
It's not love unless
you're scared.
Yeah, Jakob, hey, it's Willa.
No, I was just calling to see if
we're going to that thing.
Oh, um, yeah, yeah, we'll hang
out soon.
Bye.
It's that Target commercial
kind of voice
It's kind of Huggies
it's more Dove
It gets you in the mood
for love
I mean, I'm sorry, he's in love
with you.
But you know it's cute
that he's calling.
He's like taking charge.
Yeah, but it's just so weird
when you're texting...
and then they just call.
Hey, Matt, what's up?
(MUSIC PLAYING)
I'm so sorry I'm late. I
couldn't find parking anywhere.
I literally ended up parking
at a fire hydrant.
Nice, you got a car!
Are you sure you don't want to
find a better spot?
No, it's fine, I do it all
the time.
Sorry. Hold on, I'm so rude,
one sec.
Okay, I swear I'm done, sorry.
Don't worry about it,
is everything okay?
Yeah, no, have you seen
this OJ show, I'm obsessed.
Wait, the eight-hour doc or the
Cuba Gooding Jr. one?
- The doc.
- How fucking good is it?
- No, it's amazing.
- I know, right?
Uh, what do you want to drink?
Uh, vodka water, like a vodka
soda, but with water.
Wow, got it, kind of intense.
Um, yeah, could I get a vodka
water, please?
And a uh... whatever's just the
lightest beer you have.
Thank you.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(INDISTINCT DIALOGUE)
Should I call you a nice person?
And I'm not a nice person?
I don't think so.
This is how the conversation
went last time.
Not at all, it says you're
a raging pussy.
Yeah.
This is fun, right?
I shouldn't be dating somebody,
since I'm literally afraid...
to check my ATM balance,
but...
- (SCOFFS)
- What?!
What?
Well, I mean, like... are you
guys actually dating?
Pfft, yeah! I mean... yeah.
Definitely.
Does she know that?
Dude, fuck you, man.
Because usually when you're
dating somebody...
that's like a mutual, consentual
decision.
It's not like a made up thing
in somebody's head, you know?
Just saying, early days, you
know?
I don't know, I think breakfast
is serious.
I mean, I wouldn't say that
we're dating.
So what are you doing?
You know, hanging out.
- What?
- Yikes.
If I heard a guy I liked be
like, "Yeah, we're hanging out."
I would literally be like...
kill me right there.
Well, we're lucky you're not
single.
I don't want to be single.
I mean, like I do, but I don't.
And I don't... that's not
about me.
We are lucky you are not single.
They'd like hold your hand
or touch you...
and you'd be like,
"We're dating!"
I feel like when you meet
someone...
you know if you're gonna love
them or not.
What, you went straight into
"We're married,"?
- Yeah.
- Of course, you did.
I literally...
I assumed we were together from
like the night we had sex.
I don't know, his idea of when
we started dating...
from my idea, it's not like
months or days different...
we're talking like gaps in years
that he thought...
we weren't together that we
were fully together.
I'm like, if we're not together,
what else are you doing?
We're together every night, so...
Jesus, you guys are fucked.
I feel, I want to say,
I could be drunk.
Shot, shot, shot!
Oh my god... holy shit,
I got in!
You got into where?
Oh, the... a photograph of mine got into
this group show...
that's going to be in a month.
Oh my god, that's so cool.
Congrats.
Yeah, I sent it in
like...
Keep talking, I'm just getting
a little sip of water.
OWEN:
You want? I'm listening.
No, I'm good.
Never mind.
OWEN: You know, I think I'm
done editing the bar mitzvah...
video, so I can finally get that
fucking check.
(SIGHS)
OWEN:
The parents loved it, though.
They still have to show it
to the bar mitzvah boy...
before we picture lock, but I
think that's just a formality.
- Good morning.
- Uh-uh...
You know, last week I read an
article that women in prison...
are more violent than men when
it's that time of the month...
they'll literally just start
beating each other up...
and sometimes they even murder
each other...
because of their fucking
periods.
When did we say about fast
talking in the morning?
We don't like it.
- Okay, that's enough.
- What?
You're like grinding your boner
all over me?
That's not because of you,
that's not a sex boner.
That's just a night-morning
boner.
Oh, thank you so much
for clarifying.
MAN (OVER PHONE): And, uh,
she still hasn't responded.
Stop, look, see, the whites
with the colors?
Like it really matters.
The text is out there,
it's fine.
I mean, she doesn't even respond
to me...
sometimes for like a day, so...
MAN (OVER PHONE): I'm sorry.
I'm being insane, you're right.
Thanks, Hallie, I'll keep you
updated.
Bye.
Argh...
Are you actually still working
on that bar mitzvah video.
Yeah, the guy's paying me
to reopen the edit...
because his son had more notes.
Kid thinks he's the next
frickin' Kuprick.
Do you want to watch the
next cut with me in a little?
Not really.
I honestly think it was better
yesterday...
but what the fuck do I know,
I'm just the editor, right?
So, that's it, we're just done
talking about it?
Can we just... can we just watch?
Look, I don't want to watch this
for the tenth time.
No, really, I have... he needs
it by tomorrow.
I want to talk.
So you just flat out
don't want to live with me.
I mean I'm sorry, but I just
think it's a little weird...
that you're not even
considering it.
Of course, I've considered it,
just...
Oh, thank you so much.
I'm sorry you don't want
to move in...
but thank you for
considering.
Holy crap.
You're gonna just hang onto
the one thing that I've said...
because that's what people do
when they want to fight.
So you just want to...
I-I-I want to solve this.
- Oh, you're such an asshole!
- Okay? I really do.
Don't you think if we moved
in, we would never move out?
Don't you want to have things to
build towards or... or things...
to look forward to or maybe
there are things we're missing...
out on or things that we want
to try like before we...
Argh!
Look, I love you, you know
I love you.
Right now I'm just, I'm not
ready to settle down.
- I'm just not.
- I'm not talking about...
settling down, I'm talking about
living together.
Look... I love you,
I love you too.
I just, I... yeah, I don't
want to force it, I guess.
Exactly, I don't want to force
it either.
Okay, but what are you saying
when you say that?
Because it sounds like you're
saying you want...
to have like a break
or something.
Okay, things haven't felt right.
You know that...
Yeah, I know how things haven't
felt.
- Things haven't felt right.
- I know!
Okay, so you know!
Right, so then, I don't want
to move in together.
I just... I'm sorry, I don't.
And what if I hadn't said
anything, huh?
We'd just be laying in bed
watching your stupid...
fucking bar mitzvah video
for the 20th time?
We were in a fight and now
you're breaking up with me...
and it's like we fight
all the time.
Please don't say that.
Please don't say break-up,
that's not what this is.
This is just me needing time,
I just need time.
Some time of not being together.
Will you stay over?
You want to be alone,
then be alone.
(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(KETTLE WHISTLING)
- Oh, of fucking course!
- Shit!
- Hal, what are you doing here?
- I live here, asshole!
Hal, you all right?
HALLIE:
Get the fuck out of here!
We should go, she sounds pretty
upset.
She means you.
Oh, right, uh, she wants me
to go, fuck.
Go!
Hal?
Rachel Flegelman, a blast
from the past.
Maybe we shouldn't tell
Matt about this.
Matt who?
(SCOFFS) Never mind.
Hey, do you want to um,
get brunch?
Um...
Hallie, do a shot with me.
Gross, that's from Clare's
birthday like two years ago in.
Plus, it's 3:00 PM.
Yeah, exactly, it's 3:00 PM and
you're staring at the trees...
Like you're in a
Cymbalta commercial.
Willa, I am on a break with the
guy who I thought I was going...
to marry, please just give me
some motherfucking time.
Okay, I'm sorry.
Look, I just want to make
you happy.
What will make you happy?
There's my girl.
Thank you.
Can we look at pictures
of sushi on Yelp?
Yeah, come here.
(TALK RADIO PLAYING)
(HORN HONKING)
- Dude, are you wearing a bandana?
- Sure am!
I got a membership at Gold's,
did a couple of circuits...
before I got here, come on in.
Wait, you're eating already?
I thought we were getting lunch.
Bro, I waited an hour and a half
yesterday for this bad boy.
Don't want it to go to waste.
You lost a couple of -penos
there.
Pass me the ranch, right in your
side compartment right there?
Besides, who do I have to be
skinny for you...
you know what I mean?
Let's talk about the facts,
okay?
The little one would never let
me keep my sauces in the car...
but now I have them for easy
access whenever I want.
Look, I love you and, and I know
you and Hallie just broke up...
but this is not good, all right,
you're gonna fall into a hole.
You said you wanted freedom,
you should really use it right.
All right, you're doing a whole
lot of talking about me.
What about Willa? What's going
on with you guys?
You haven't talked about her...
the whole minute you've been
in the car, I'm amazed.
It's, it's good.
It's actually, yeah, it's
actually really good.
She, um, she and I had the
"How many people have you...
"slept with?" conversation
the other day.
Which usually fucking sucks, but
it turns out we're both at nine.
And she just turned to me in bed
and said...
"I love that we're each
other's tens."
- What... stop.
- Really?
- What? What?
- Nine, nine?
- Yes.
- Come on.
Who do you think she is,
ten people total?
Yeah, like maybe ten people last
fucking Christmas...
over the holiday break.
Shut the fuck up.
Okay, pal, let me tell you
something, pal, all right?
Willa's like a fucking goddess,
she's like a sex goddess.
The girl is like top three most
beautiful women...
I've ever seen in real life.
Why are we still in park?
Let me ask, wait, wait, let me
just ask you a question first.
Did you give the number and then
she agreed with you?
Or did she give the number
first?
You gave the number and she
agreed with you.
Breaks my heart that I'm right
all the time.
It smells really weird in here.
That's the smell of freedom,
my friend.
So I was going to say,
what are you up to today?
I have a surprise for us.
I'll bring the vodka water.
Or is it weird if I don't
acknowledge...
the Owen and Hallie situation?
Yo, you sound straight up like
a murderer...
when you overthink this much.
Stop. There, can you just
please write it for me?
You know what, it's fine.
Oh, she's typing, that's good,
right?
Or is it bad that she hasn't
waited?
I don't know what
the rules are anymore.
Okay, we know the typing
bubble's gone now.
- This is your face when you cry.
- How do you know?
Fuck you, stop, stop.
So you're really not gonna
tell me.
Nope... you'll see.
Oh, here he is.
What do you mean, here he is.
Are we doing a drug deal?
Just trust me, all right?
What?
Oh, we're getting into his car,
okay.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
Hey, hey, what's up, guys?
I'm Adam.
So would you mind explaining to
Willa what we're doing here...
because she has no idea.
Well, Willa, we're gonna go
on the OJ tour.
- What?
- The OJ Simpson Murder Tour.
It's vodka-water.
Let's do it.
All right, we're gonna just jump
straight into the tour here.
Across the street is
Paul Revere Middle School.
Now this is where OJ Simpson
and Nicole's daughter...
had a dance recital on the night
of June 12th, 1994.
You remember from the court
case, OJ was found not guilty...
of the murders, for the purposes
of our tour...
we're just gonna say that
he did it.
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
Where the fuck is my assistant?
Hallie?!
Oh, Dexter's girlfriend quit.
Who wears a size zero
around here?
- STYLIST: Hallie does.
- Get her in a dress!
(MUSIC CHANGES)
Dexter.
This is Hallie, my assistant,
she's replacing your girlfriend.
Hi. Oh...
Nice to meet you... Dexter.
I know.
- Shall we?
- Yeah!
- Yeah, okay.
- Okay.
HALLIE: But I honestly prefered
it to season one, actually.
What about the scenes you do in
space, how do you shoot that?
I mean, obviously you're not in
space, duh.
But do they have you like flying
up in the air or something or...
This may be a little forward,
but do you have a boyfriend?
Don't you have a girlfriend?
We're, uh, we're kind of in a
rough patch if I'm being honest.
How do you mean?
I mean, I love Owen, his name's
Owen and I love him.
I just, I don't know, things are
so weird right now.
We might be moving in together
though, which I think...
I think could help.
I think we just need some
newness, you know?
PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: Okay,
guys, they're ready for you.
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
Okay, act like you have
a secret.
No, like... like you have
a secret.
There was nothing I could do
Nothing I could do
- Hi.
- Hi.
I'm Owen.
I'm just waiting for my
boyfriend.
Okay.
That's phenomenal, cheers.
Thank you.
I mean, it's just one photo and
it is a big group show...
but who knows, maybe it'll sell.
I'm actually a bit of an
amateur photographer myself.
- Oh what, like your Instagram?
- Yeah.
It's crazy, like with all the
fans of the show.
Oh, I was kidding.
Okay, I can take a picture
of anything I see, right?
Mm-hm.
As soon as I post it like
100 likes...
500 likes, 1,000... guys like
everything.
- Um, can I click refresh?
- Yeah, do it.
- Crazy.
- OWEN: Holy shit, it's this guy.
Hey, look, don't worry about it.
I deal with this kind
of thing all the time.
He probably wants a
picture or something.
Just let me do the talking.
What's up, man?
Wow, okay.
You know, she made me watch your
stupid little show...
and I actually liked it.
I didn't want to, but I
did, but not anymore.
You just lost a viewer in me,
buddy boy, okay.
I will no longer be using...
Hallie's mother's HBOGo
password.
Good luck with Season 4.
That the boyfriend you
mentioned.
Yeah.
Sorry, man, can I give you
a dollar for a cigarette?
You can just have one.
Thanks.
I'm sorry, can I get a lighter
too?
Can't believe she brought
him here, our fucking spot.
- Excuse me.
- Hm?
Now we're on this whole
true crime kick.
Did you know the movie theater
I work at is like fully haunted?
- Wait, what?
- Mm-hm.
In the 90's, the owner was
murdered by a hit man...
who was hired by the
projectionist, his lover?
Because he thought
he was in the will.
Unreal.
How do people still think that
they can be...
the beneficiary of a
murder victim's shit...
have them killed and that they
won't be busted by the cops...
- within one second.
- I know, right?
(PHONE DINGS)
Wait, who is it?
She says, "Almost back
with the actor.
"Sorry for the short notice."
Can you respond, "all good"?
Sure, what's your passcode?
One, two, three, four.
Wow, crack security system
you got there?
I have nothing to hide.
Also, so should we leave?
Oh! I didn't realize you guys
were here!
Hi.
Oh, looks like we got a
full house over here.
Oh, hi guys.
WILLA:
Hey, we're just about to bounce.
- Are you doing Cat Cow?
- Just one sec, I'm almost there.
- Oh, yeah.
- Okay.
- Are you ready?
- Oh, yeah.
(TOILET FLUSHING)
I was just very intimately
associated...
with whatever's happening there.
Oh, man, I wish I could stay
the night.
Bye.
(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
- Hi.
- Hi.
I'm sorry. Were we too loud?
No, no, you're all good.
I mean yeah, but no, you
actually have a second to talk?
Yeah, sure, what's going on?
Um, okay. I know this is so
weird and out of the blue...
but um, Thad asked me to move
in with him.
Australia Thad?
Yeah, he's like moving
here to be with me.
Oh my god, Clara, congrats.
It's so annoying, isn't it?
I mean the worst?
Oh my god, no, no, I'm happy
for you.
I heard you sh-banging.
(PHONE VIBRATES)
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
Hand me that little box in the
compartment, will you, pal?
- (SLURPING)
- Sorry.
ACTOR (ON SCREEN):
Hold the wheel, will you?
How far you goin'?
I think it's cute you made me
a mix tape.
It's like we're in eighth grade.
Are you making fun of me?
Yeah.
- I put that DJ Diaz song on here.
- Hm?
For our first night.
Oh, our dry-humping song.
Okay, well, they're actually
playing pretty soon.
I could be down.
Dope, well, I should head out.
- I have to be...
- No!
- I got some stuff to do.
- No, you don't.
Wait, no, this is not
going to work.
- You're breaking up with me?
- Shut up, sink sex.
This is not gonna work, either.
Nothing's good enough for you.
Under the covers I gave
myself to you
Clara left some crystals.
Wait, so your old landlord
shipped over all this stuff.
He must've really liked you.
Yeah, he had a crush on me,
so he kept them for awhile.
Yo, what's up?
OWEN (OVER PHONE): What up,
biatch? You stick your finger...
in Willa's butt last night
or what?
I'm sorry. Yo, dude, come on.
Bro, do you believe this shit?
Do I believe what shit?
Is Hallie fucking Persky,
she is, isn't she?
Son of a fucking bitch.
Honestly, I could tell
at the 4th of July party.
That guy has been trying to fuck
her for so long. Holy shit.
First that stupid ass
from the spacecraft show...
- and now this fool?
- Bro, what are you talking about?
Bro, I can see it
on their Instagrams...
they're commenting back and
forth like dumb shit.
Like "dope sunset".
MATT (OVER PHONE): Dude, why are
you so charged up?
Honestly his name should be
a verb, to Persky.
Sample sentence, "Hey, I just
heard they broke up...
"so I'm going to Persky the shit
out of her!"
Yo, you need to relax, bro.
Relaxed? I feel like I'm
going to fucking stroke out.
I feel like Liotta at the
end of Goodfellas...
seeing fucking helicopters.
Alright, I'm sorry.
Look, I'm with Willa right
now, so I can't really talk.
Okay, whatever Hallie's up to,
it's fine.
I'm on a record breaking fuck
streak of my own right now.
So listen, mysterious and busy,
my man, you feel me...
or she'll break your little
heart in half.
Thank god, you guys are here.
This is so embarrassing.
Nobody is here.
Hal, what are you talking about?
They're totally people here.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, but nobody that I invited.
I mean it's literally you guys
and my boss...
- that showed up for me.
- Fuck everyone else.
Brandon Saknov texted me being
like, daddy can't find his keys.
And then fucking Shareen
texted me being like...
Baby Girl, I'm stuck with this
guy. I love you.
I would literally do
anything to be there.
It's like, really? Would you?
I mean my next show's just gonna
be screen grabs of those...
text messages called reasons why
my friends bailed on my opening.
- We'll come to that one.
- Yep.
Hallie, I want you to meet
Lindsay.
Lindsay lives in the house
we shot Dexter in.
Stop.
And Lindsay, this is Hallie,
my assistant.
That house is beautiful.
Thank you so much
for letting us use it.
I wish it was mine, I'm just
housesitting for my godmother...
I didn't even tell her
you guys used it.
So, Lindsay, this is
Hallie's photograph.
It's the best one here
as far as I'm concerned.
Oh my god, thank you so much
for saying that.
I just wish my love life was
going as well as my work life.
I'm sorry, I don't know why
I said that.
I think I've just had way
too much wine.
No, there's no such
thing as too much wine.
In fact, maybe we
should get you some more.
Yes, please.
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
Her ring.
Fucking kidding me.
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
Let's go swimming.
Come on.
Ready?
Seriously.
Oh, wait, my pants.
- Oh, sorry, I'll go in the back.
- Sorry.
Two of you, one of me.
I think he's dropping you off
first anyways.
I'm Eugene by the way.
- Willa.
- Hi, pleasure.
Um, can we maybe not tell Owen
about what just happened?
- Oh, he'd totally lose his shit.
- Yeah.
Who's Owen?
I can't wait to be neighbors.
I'm just gonna be the guy
in the back yard blasting...
Dashboard Confessional.
You are never living that down,
you're a fucking plagerizer.
Well, you have to admit I
was at least convincing at it.
I would, you know, cross
stuff out...
so it would seem like I'd make
mistakes as it went on.
Buddy, they reminded me
of the Zodiac letters.
I mean, I knew the whole time.
I've told you this, it's sweet.
You're comparing me to the
Zodiac killer...
but you're letting me live
in your back house.
Very mixed signals.
So that's you, that
back house right there.
- Hey babe.
- Hey baby.
- Here's coffee.
- Nice, thank you.
- Mm-hm.
- Oh, hey, man, Ash.
Hey, Owen.
Yeah, oh, this is our new
tenant. Oh my god.
Oh yeah, right, nice to meet
you, brother.
Nice to meet you.
You got a good one.
Yeah.
- Morning, sunshine.
- Yeah, good morning.
I can't believe you grew up
in this fuck palace.
Yeah.
So what's the deal with your
parents?
Uh, they... they do visual
effects together...
and my mom's a VFX producer and
my dad's a VFX supervisor.
They worked together,
that's cute.
Yeah, they're like perfect.
And they're doing this new
Marvel movie in Atlanta.
Well, when are they back?
I really want to meet them.
Sorry.
Wait, have you ever introduced
them to a girl before?
What, no, no...
I just thought maybe it was
like a little soon, but, but no.
If, if, if you want to meet
them, then I'd love that.
I mean, yeah, they're
back in like a month.
Oh, perfect, just in time
for the wedding.
Yeah, I never introduced
them to a girlfriend before.
- I'm sorry, did I just ruin it?
- No.
I know, we haven't had that
conversation yet.
No, no, no, it's all good.
Oh, how could I forget?
This is for you.
A mix CD.
You already gave me one.
Do you remember? Are you okay?
No, this is an
extension of that one.
Yeah, I made a playlist of like 40
something songs...
and this everything I can fit
on the first one...
because you can only do like 20
or 21 on a CD.
Big Willa Style, mix number two.
- This time it's personal.
- Personal, yeah.
Whoa.
So, uh, want to get
some breakfast?
Um, I'm actually not hungry.
Oh, okay.
Well, I mean we could do like
a... do a bagel run...
we could get like a dozen or
something bagels.
That's a lot of bagels.
Oh shit. I just remembered
my laundry.
Oh, word, we can... we can go
grab it.
No, it'll get moldy and wrinkly.
Um, I'm just going
to run and grab it.
I-I will call you later.
Oh cool. I gotta go help Owen
move in, so that's perfect.
Fuck.
Hallie, want to get some food?
I'm fucking starving.
Also, apparently Owen
has a new place.
HALLIE (OVER PHONE):
Clara's here just come home.
- Hi, Willa!
- Okay.
(PHONE DINGS)
Okay, are you guys ready?
Can't believe we're gonna hear a
song that you actually wrote.
Sweet Virginia has to wait
Got a lovesick heart on fire
Got a lovesick heart on fire
All her friends know
she's on a wire
Sweet sweet
Makes her say the strangest
things
She told Marie that she
was in love
Fell into the arms of Hadra's
smile
At the break of a cracking
dawn
On the Westside high
So Virginia stays at home
Doing all the simple household
things
Picking up the phone and
letting it ring
And she plays in lover's eye
Sweet
So nice being back here.
Honestly, Thad won't even
let me smoke in the house.
It's really annoying.
Thank you so much.
Willa, what are you doing?
Are you texting Jacob?
I thought you said
you were done with him.
Leave me alone, let me live.
Forget about Jakob, okay?
He's a dick.
- He spells his name like Jacob.
- That is true.
Just make it work with Matt.
I mean, I know he's weird,
but he's a good guy...
and you're being stupid, okay.
I mean, you have someone that
wants to spend time with you.
Okay, I am... I'm alone, like I am...
I'm so fucking alone...
to be honest, I just cannot hear
you go on and on and on...
any more about how
Matt texted me too much.
Matt just wants to
eat bagels with me.
Like I'm too fragile right now,
okay.
Owen never wanted to
just eat bagels with me.
Favorite Selfie face.
The classic, the pout.
The classic pout from this
angle.
Who's this dude?
I don't trust this guy.
- These one's are super cute.
- Okay, we're done.
Can I plug my phone in?
Yeah, sure.
Ooh, actually, I have an idea.
Okay, um, okay, can I do
a magic trick for you?
- Are you gonna think I'm weird?
- Okay.
Okay, wait, was that a yes?
You're just gonna think
I'm weird?
Yes.
Let me... I gotta get warmed up,
let me see, um...
Okay, pick a card.
Don't show me, though.
I'm actually really nervous.
- Yeah? You got it?
- Okay.
Okay, let's hope my powers are
on point today...
because sometimes I'm
a little off.
Put it back, right there.
- Okay... take a look at it.
- Mm-hm.
- Don't show me, okay.
- No?
- You remember it.
- I remember.
Because if you forget it,
it does kind of make the magic.
- Okay.
- All right.
- Do you want me to shuffle?
- Mm-hm.
Yeah? Wow, you are very
suspicious.
I thought you were more
trusting of me.
I don't see... okay, here we go.
I'm going to try and find
your card out of all these.
But I'm going to try to
find it using my mouth.
Okay, and double check,
there's nothing in my mouth?
- Okay.
- We good? Okay, here we go.
Well, there is, there's teeth
and the tongue...
but if you miss that
then you'll miss anything.
Okay.
- No, it's not my card.
- What?
- It's not my card.
- Oh, my god, what?
Fuck.
Are you okay?
I'm so sorry, this has never
happened to me before.
- Oh, my god.
- Oh, my god, I feel so ill.
- What the fuck?
- Wait, my eyes are watering.
- Was that it?
- What the... how did you do that?
You're such a nerd.
Thank you, I actually take that
as a compliment.
Oh, my god.
- Mm.
- Mm.
- Is there no clasp?
- Just untie it.
Did you go to the beach today?
No.
Then why are you wearing
a bathing suit?
Because I didn't have any clean
bras.
I thought you just did your
laundry.
Isn't that why you left the
other day, to get your laundry?
Why don't you just tell me
stuff?
Sorry.
Just... just tell me, okay.
That I don't want to
hang out or whatever.
I don't want to hang out with
you sometimes, you know?
That's not true, you always want
to hang out with me.
- Hey.
- Stop.
Next time I'll tell you I don't
want to see your face anymore.
I'll say, "Hey, go fuck
yourself.
"You're bothering me and
you're being an idiot."
Good, right? That's what I want
to hear.
Hey, stop acting like a
pussy right now.
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
Hup.
- I got it.
- Oh, thanks.
Sure.
Um, what are you doing tonight?
I think Ash has got a work
drinks thing.
He's freaking out about
fatherhood or something.
This is when he sneaks off to
have a glass of chardonnay...
which I know means slam back
three martinis in ten minutes.
Hey, I thought you guys were
great.
Ah, it's not as good
as it looks.
All right, I will see you later.
Okay, I got it.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Who is that?
Just my old friend, new
landlord.
So what? You're like jogging
now?
Yup.
(MUSIC FADES UP)
Sorry, I'll be ready in a sec.
WILLA: I can't believe you
guys hooked up.
Stop. How's... how's everything
with Matt?
Honestly, I don't know.
HALLIE: What do you mean,
you don't know?
Come on. I meaning Lindsay
at 6:00.
Aw, my little lesbian.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
(SIGHS)
Okay.
Oh dude, you gotta stop
liking...
you and Hallie's facebook
photos.
You know when you do that, it
shows up on everybody's feed.
Right?
You know, she came here today,
showed up completely...
randomly out of nowhere.
What is that, what is that move?
It's a power move.
Yeah, I, uh, I might've
given Willa the address.
It was you?
Yeah. I'm sorry, she asked
and I was...
And you gave it to her.
Who's side are you on?
I'm sorry, man, she gets
what she wants.
You can't do that.
You can't give out a man's
address like that.
(PHONE DINGS)
No, I feel like will and I
are kind of hitting a wall.
Fuck romantic fulfillment.
I'm seriously busy, man.
I've just... I've told you
over and over and over.
Mysterious and busy.
It should be your mantra,
you're way too available.
- I know.
- For once in your life, don't be.
No, it's just called being nice.
It's not being nice,
it's being available.
Being nice is like opening doors
for people and...
and showing up to places
on time.
Being too available is when you
see the little text bubble...
show up the second after you
finished writing the text,
like you can't do that.
- I know.
- Mysterious and busy.
Real life example, today,
I go on a nice run.
I come back, Hallie's waiting
for me...
wearing my favorite dress
and I'm like, hello.
We started making out.
We come in here and I eat
her pussy...
- exactly where you're sitting.
- Oh lovely, thank you.
And that was it, that was the
entire interaction.
Because I'm serious and busy.
- You mind giving me another pour?
- Sure, bro.
Nope, you failed the test.
The serious and busy test,
you failed it. Failed it.
I literally put it right here so
I have access to it...
so I could just reach and pour.
- Would you like some?
- No, I'm fine, thank you.
- I'm busy.
- Good.
That was test number two.
That one you passed.
(MUSIC FADES UP)
- Hey.
- Hey.
So should we just go to the show
or...
I don't know, I thought we could
hang out for a sec.
You know, I think DJ Diaz goes
on at 9:00, so...
Oh yeah, don't want to be
late for the show.
All right.
I'm sorry, I'm an idiot, I'm
sure they'll start late.
Oh, you're serious.
I was literally just
trying to fuck you.
Hey.
What's going on?
- Well, hey.
- Hey.
Are you guys...
We're catching up?
Cool, cool, got it.
Why do you always reek
of deli meat?
See what I'm dealing with here?
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
I can't believe you bought
a shirt.
Yeah, it's pretty dope.
Is it weird if I get
a Caeser salad?
Yeah.
- Oh, my god.
- Holy shit, girl.
Come here. Oh, my god, oh, my
god, we gotta get that drink.
Yeah, I mean, no worries,
I've been busy.
So good to see you.
- Hey man, Jakob.
- Hey, Matt, nice to meet you man.
- Nice to meet you. Nice merge.
- Thanks.
Well, I'm gonna head out, I was
just here to see the opener.
Good to meet you. Good to see
you.
- Nice to see you.
- Nice to meet you.
You want a drink?
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
Hypothetically, if we were to
get back together...
(PHONE VIBRATES)
it would be better because
I've, I've grown.
Okay, well let me tell you
something.
If you think you jut break
things off between us...
so you can go on like a
rumspringa or something...
and then come back and be like,
oh I've grown.
You are in for a rude fucking
awakening, Owen.
Hallie, that's not how
I meant it!
And besides, I'm kind
of seeing someone.
Okay, like, like in a real way?
Yeah, like in a real way.
This girl, so...
- You're dating a girl?
- Mm-hm.
I didn't know that
was of interest to you.
- Okay, you can answer the phone.
- It's fine, it's not.
Something might be wrong.
Was it going on when you came
over and I went down on you?
Was what going on?
Yeah, the girl, yeah.
I can't believe you're dating
a girl...
and you're just telling me now,
this is insane.
Mom, you're fucking killing me!
Anyways, I've been doing a lot
of thinking...
and at first, I was so fucking
mad at you, I was.
I was thinking like, how did I
waste the first half of my...
twenties with this guy who I'm
not going to marry?
Right.
But then I realized, you know,
that these, these last five...
- years have been the opposite...
- Three.
It's been three years.
...have been the opposite of a
waste and that even if we...
hurt each other, it's...
it's fine.
It's all part of how we're gonna
become the people...
we're gonna be, so I'm at peace.
I fucked up.
Okay, I shouldn't have said that
I wanted a break.
I was naive enough to think that
it could be a break...
- and not a break up.
- (PHONE VIBRATES)
Owen, just answer the phone.
Yes, mother.
I don't, I don't, I don't.
I don't know.
I don't know what channel
TCM is.
I can't talk, I'm
with Hallie right now.
No, actually, I don't know.
I really don't know.
- She's dating a girl.
- Owen!
I know, I know, you're right.
Okay, I gotta go. I'll talk to
you later. Bye. I love you.
Do you just tell your mom
I'm a lesbian?
Why would you tell your mom
that?
It's fine. I also just want to
say this non sequitur...
but I, I did slightly
resent the fact...
that you neglected to tell me...
that you were using my likeness
in your photo gallery.
Are you fucking serious?
Yeah, I'm serious.
I mean, the photo may as well
have been a picture...
of a pile of dog shit
for all you care.
Maybe we should...
Maybe the problem is that we
kept in touch...
and that we slept together or
that we're obviously going...
at completely different
speeds...
so maybe let's just not talk
for a while.
Okay. You know, I just want
to point out...
that I never put any
pressure on you.
I mean, yes, I wanted to move in
together out of practicality.
I wasn't secretly
plotting a wedding.
That was all you projecting.
So what's that Jakob guy's deal?
Just some guy I know
from New York.
I saw your texts with him.
What are you talking about?
I know I shouldn't have, but...
I looked on your phone
a while back.
Wait, you hacked into my
phone?
It was a moment of weakness,
I'm sorry.
It was so long ago, things
with Jakob.
It was like May.
Also it didn't even mean
anything, so who cares?
Whatever's been happening
between us...
whatever it's called, it's a big
deal to me, all right.
Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe. Maybe it
shouldn't be, but it is.
It's a big deal to me.
Yeah, and it's a big deal
to me, too.
I don't think it is,
but that's fine.
Obviously you find yourself
in these situations...
more often than I do and you're
a lot better at it than I am.
I had a thing with this girl
a while back.
She went abroad, and... the whole
time I thought that maybe...
I'd have another shot when she
came back, but then I found...
out she dated like four other
guys that year.
To me, she was the one that got
away, but to her I was a blip.
I was just some guy she fucked.
And I'm not mad at you, you
don't owe me anything, but...
I don't know, I just think maybe
we shouldn't do this anymore.
Wait, what?
No, what are you saying?
Can I still sleep over?
I feel like you're a whole
section of my story...
and I'm like a footnote
in yours.
I promise you're not a footnote.
I promise you're at least
a chapter.
I'm so happy that you were
the one to break it off...
with Willa and not the other
way around.
I thought she could've fucking
prison shanked you...
and you would have stayed
with her?
Honestly, I wish we were better
at communicating, you know.
It's like you can never be
inside someone else's head...
and I guess you wouldn't
want to be.
Not unless you're a
fucking Taro card reader.
I mean, she's got to communicate
with you, too, you know?
Here's what it is. She's like,
she's like a cat...
who keeps asking you to pet it
and then you do...
and she just slips out of your
hands and runs away.
I think you need to work on your
analogies, sweetheart.
- Oops... shit!
- Go under.
No, no, no, no, don't
go any further.
Easy. Cheers.
I get it, Matt's too nice
for you.
I mean, it's not the cliche of
"I like assholes".
I like nice guys.
It's just that the nice guys
turn out to be pretty needy...
and then you realize, oh, he's
being a pussy.
I think I'm just being
an asshole.
You lost me.
When would we get a chance to do
this if you were with Hallie...
and I was with Willa?
Yeah, I'm glad we broke up with
our fucking beautiful...
significant others so we can
hang out with each other...
and strap Tecates to our hands.
I'm having the time of my life!
That's what's sad...
you really are having the time
of your life.
Honestly, I can't believe
Hallie's dating a girl.
I don't know, I think they were
just hooking up.
- What, really?
- Yeah.
She just told me they were
dating.
Like she just... when I just saw
her...
she was like, "we're dating.
You should know."
And she was like, well, I'm
dating her.
Is she trying to fuck with me,
what is she doing?
To be fair, you, you,
you broke up with her.
You're right.
Jesus, am I the needy one
in the Jakob situation?
Am I his Matt?
Enough Jakob, you only like him
because he didn't text you back.
I mean technically I moved
out here to go to grad school.
Obviously in the back of my
mind, part of it...
was that Jakob would be
out here.
Hm.
Am I felicity?
Willa, we're all felicity.
Look, fuck Jakob, okay?
I've said it before,
but Jakob's a dick...
and that is my philosophy.
Your philosophy is that Jakob's
a dick.
No, my philosophy is that if
someone is not being nice...
to you, then you fucking
drop them.
I don't want to get back
together and then just spend...
the rest of the time resenting
each other all over again.
You know?
I don't think you ever
find someone...
you don't resent
and that's part of it.
Just find the person who
you want to resent, you know.
Hey, Matt.
I don't know, I think you're
overthinking it. It's easy...
to forget how hard it can be
just to connect with someone.
Yeah.
It's like when you pass a
parking space...
because you want one close to
the restaurant...
and then you circle the block
and you come back and it's gone.
Okay.
Honestly, really in a
lifetime...
how many people do you truly
connect with?
Matt, Owen is not a parking
space.
Just, can you go talk to him,
please?
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
- Want to go for a swim?
- No!
Hi.
(PHONE DINGS)
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
(PHONE VIBRATES)
Hello?
HALLIE (OVER PHONE): I'm
outside, you don't have a bell.
I'll be right there.
You, uh, you, you
want something to drink?
Uh, like what? Like tap
water or something?
Well, actually went shopping...
and I have um, San Pellegrino?
San Pellegrino?
What are you like
a gondolier now?
Please.
Can I actually have a sip?
I forgot, that's my last one.
That's good.
So I, I'm just basically, I just
wanted to say again...
that I'm, I'm sorry for being so
selfish and um...
I feel like everybody creates
their own narrative...
in their head and for whatever
reason I felt like I was...
somebody who needed to explore
things...
and the more lonely I got, the
more I realized that...
was something I didn't actually
feel but convinced myself...
that I needed to feel it, and
maybe that's the same thing.
I don't even know the
difference anymore.
Owen, I didn't come here
for some big apology.
I just came here to talk.
Will you move in with me?
Sorry, what?
Move in with you where, here?
Why don't we, for once, let the
fact that something...
is a bad idea, stop us from
doing it.
No, it doesn't have to be here.
It could be anywhere.
We can get our
own place together.
- You're kidding.
- It's just transitional.
Look, look, I know, I know I
ruined everything, I know that.
I know I'm an asshole, I know
that I'm an idiot.
I'm really, really ready now.
I'm truly like I'm ready,
I promise.
I thought you said this place
is just transitional.
Look, I, I cleaned out
half my closet for you.
You moved your four shirts
like over on a fucking rail.
Well, for some people,
that's significant.
I cleaned the bathroom, I bought
flowers and I put them...
in this vase and I swiffered the
fucking floor for you and...
I've never made a copy of a key
in my entire life...
and I made a copy of a key
for you. So please, Hallie...
please, will you move in
with me?
No.
(KEY CLANKS)
I'm sorry, I just...
I don't think we could
ever go back.
You're seriously not gonna say
anything about the new couch?
Yeah, it was the first
thing I noticed.
I know it was the first thing
you noticed and you...
didn't fucking say anything,
you're so annoying.
You're so fucking annoying.
This is outdoor furniture,
this is not a couch.
- It's a day bed, it's a fucking...
- It's a day bed.
Is it not a couch? Is it not
something you sit on?
Doesn't that make it a couch?
Oh, fucking rough, man.
Oh, god.
I hate you.
I hate you, too.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
- Hi!
- Hi.
What's up? Come on in.
I'm so glad you guys could come.
Yeah, we were just at some
lame party...
when you texted us,
so here we are.
- Hey, I'm Matt.
- Willa.
- Awesome, nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
- Born and raised.
- Yeah that's what my friend said.
Yeah, I mean, that's why I came
here, because I just wanted...
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)