In Society (1944) Movie Script
Good evening, Mr. Van Cleve.
Welcome home from your trip.
Hello, Parker. What's going on here?
Mrs. Van Cleve is giving a costume ball.
She has a costume laid out for you...
Napoleon, I believe.
Don't tell her I've arrived.
I haven't slept in two days.
I'm tired.
I'm going upstairs to bed.
I don't want to be disturbed by all
these gibbering idiots in monkey suits.
Parker, call
a plumber immediately!
There's a leaky faucet in my
bathroom that'll drive me crazy!
I've got to get some sleep!
Yes, sir. Very good, sir.
Albert, answer the phone!
What are you trying to do,
crack the cement?
Why don't you use your head?
I did, but it hurts that way.
I'm gonna have to go back to the
old way. Answer the phone. Go ahead.
Hurry up.
Okay, okay, okay.
Hello! Hello! I can't hear
a thing you're sayin', brother.
Hello! Hello! Put that
down! There's the phone.
Hello, Ajax Plumbing Company.
We stand behind
every bathtub we sell.
Indeed we do. What?
Eddie.
What?
It's some butler on the phone.
This is gonna be a high-class job.
Oh, yes! That's right,
Ajax Plumbing!
We charge six dollars an hour.
That's too much?
Well, then why don't you try
the Atlas Plumbing Company?
They're very cheap.
Thank you. Good-bye.
Atlas Plumbing Company.
Four dollars an hour. What?
They wanted to charge you six,
the Ajax did?
They're nothin'
but a bunch of crooks.
I'm glad you're doin' business with us.
We'll be right over. Thank you.
Ow! Did I hurt you? I'm sorry.
You should be sorry. Now
listen. Put 'em up! Put 'em up!
Put those down. Stop that. I'm
sick and tired of the whole...
Never mind that. You just behave yourself, you
understand? No more monkey business from you.
Oooh, oooh.
Elsie must be around here someplace.
That's her cab. Blow the horn.
Huh? Blow the horn? Blow the
horn! I want to get Elsie.
Elsie! Elsie!
Listen to me. There's a city
ordinance against blowing horns,
and besides, people
around here want to sleep.
Stop blowing that horn.
Okay.
Go on, blow the horn.
You heard what the cop said.
I said, blow the horn, didn't I?
He said there's a lot of people sleepin'.
So what? Did you put 'em to sleep? Is
it your fault they're in bed? No. No.
Blow the horn!
You sure?
I said blow the horn,
didn't I?
Elsie.! Elsie.!
Listen! Didn't I tell you
there was a city ordinance?
Yes, sir. Just a minute,
Officer. You're a public servant.
What of it?
Get me a glass of water.
Why, you little rat! Didn't I tell
you that people are trying to sleep?
Now stop blowing that horn!
Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
Go on, blow the horn!
What's wrong with you?
I said, blow the horn, didn't I?
Who are you listening to, him or me?
You're a taxpayer, am I right? Yeah.
Don't you know that your taxes
help pay that man his salary?
Does he know that?
He will know it.
In other words, he's workin'
for you. Oh, that's different.
So, blow the horn.
Hmm, hmm.
Elsie.!
Elsie! Elsie!
What's the matter with you?
Get that thing off!
You little... I'll break
every bone in your body!
Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy.
Watch your blood pressure, kid.
I'm watchin' it.
Take it easy.
I mean, after all, you're workin'
for me. How do you like that?
You're fired.
Okay! Why, you little rat!
Listen, you little squirt! I'm the boss
around here and you're nothin', see?
Boy, you got a nice job.
You bet your sweet life I have.
Boss over nothing. Boss over
nothing! How do you like that?
Stop. Stop the noise.
Go away.
Take it easy. Take it easy. After all,
let's be nice about the whole thing.
You should pay a little respect to
the man. After all, he's got a badge.
You bet your life. It took me
20 years to earn that badge.
You're gonna show a little
respect for it. Certainly.
I'm the limb of the law.
Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
You're a rotten limb.
Oh!
So, I'm a rotten limb, am I?
Listen, the next crack you make,
I'll break every bone in your body!
Yes, sir. Yes, sir. And he'll do it
too. He's the type guy could do it.
You're not kiddin'!
Okay, okay. See ya later.
Why don't you keep your mouth
shut like your pal? Yeah.
Then you wouldn't get in trouble. He's
always lookin' for fights all the time.
I can see that. What's the
matter? You wanna fight?
Yes, I wanna fight.
I'll fight you.
And I'll fight you.
I'll fight you!
And I'll fight you!
I'll fight you!
And I'll fight you!
No, you won't!
We'd better call it a draw.
I don't want to fight a policeman...
around here where
all the people are lookin'.
You're wearin' a uniform.
I'll fight you over there
in that alley in 15 minutes.
I'll be there! Don't forget to
be in the alley in 15 minutes!
Don't worry. I'll be there! Don't
have any other cops around to help you!
I won't have any cops around. I don't
need 'em! I'll be there all alone!
You're darn right because
I ain't gonna be there! Oh!
Duh!
All right, all right.
Come on. Let's get Elsie.
You caused enough trouble.
Hey! Here comes Elsie now.
Elsie?
Elsie!
What's the matter?
Stop that!
That's my girl.
Albert, you've been fighting again.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, turn around here.
Look at yourself.
Why don't you try and be a little
more neat? I will from now on, Elsie.
I'll try my best.
If you give me a gold star, I'll
do my best. Now you look sweet.
Say, Elsie, we've got a big society
job up at the Van Cleve mansion.
Will you drive us up there?
Sure. Hop in.
Swell. Come on.
Come on.
Come here! Where ya going?
Get in there!
Hey, hey, hey.
This cab is taken.
Here you go. Catch.
Would you hold that?
Excuse me. Oh.
Get a load of this!
Elsie, you sit down here, honey.
We'll be back in a minute. All right.
Go ahead, honey.
You listen to the music.
Mm-hmm!
So glad you could come.
Oh, thank you.
Where is it?
Where do we go?
Oh, right in here.
Excuse me.
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
A beautiful affair, Mrs. Van
Cleve. Thank you, Mrs. Winthrop.
My dance, Queen Elizabeth!
Oh, my!
I suppose there were wolves,
even in her time.
Gloria, where is Peter Evans? He's
coming as a taxi driver, Mother.
He said he'd wear a meter
and charge me to dance with him.
Only the richest bachelor in the world
could afford to be that whimsical.
You'll have to reach an understanding
with him this weekend.
That's the whole point of
our giving a weekend party, isn't it,
to throw us together again
in fond hope?
My dear, I am only suggesting a
merger of the family treasures.
And you, darling, happen
to be the Winthrop treasure.
I beg your pardon? Are you
the plumbers from Atlas?
I'm the plumber.
He's my helper, but no help.
Where's the trouble?
Walk this way.
Walk this way.
Good evening, sir.
How are you?
Wait a minute. You can't go in
there. That's a private party.
What about it?
Well, they'll throw you out.
They didn't throw you out. No, they've
been very nice about letting me sit here.
They should. You add a lot of
glamour to this little clambake.
That's a fine way
for a cabbie to talk.
- When you get in costume, you really work at it.
- Of course.
Say, I thought I knew
all the cab drivers around here.
Who are you?
Peter Evans.
The Peter Evans? Are you kidding?
No, come on in.
I'll get you a couple of affidavits.
Come on.
I go to all these society column
outings. You're a new face.
As a matter of fact,
you're a novelty all over.
Shh. You must be quiet.
Mr. Van Cleve is a very nervous man
and he's trying to sleep.
Shh!
What was that?
It's me, sweetheart.
Well, stop fooling around
and come to bed.
Hey, Eddie, what are you doin' in the
bathtub? This ain't Saturday night.
I know it, Albert.
Look out. I don't wanna hurt your
foot. You don't wanna hurt my foot?
Yes, you're my friend.
Why, thank you.
Help me out of here, Albert.
Okay, kid.
Take it easy now, Albert.
Be quiet. There's...
Don't strain yourself, Albert.
There's a guy sleeping in
the next room. Yeah, I know.
Okay, kid.
That's swell.
Shh! Shh!
Come here! Come here!
Shh.
Don't tell me to shush!
Get over here!
Stand still when I talk to ya. There's
the drip over there. Do ya see it?
Do ya see it? There. That's the
thing that's gotta be fixed. See it?
What do you want me to do,
fix it or drink it? Fix it up!
All right!
Now, shut up!
The man's sleepin'.
Fix that drip!
Okay.
I'll give you the "okay. "
Same old Eddie.
Rough-and-tough Eddie.
Go on! Fix that drip!
What are you stalling about?
Get with it!
All set?
Pick your tools up.!
Keep quiet!
There's a man asleep in there.
All fixed.
All fixed?
Look! There's another drip.
Now we've gotta fix that.
You take it easy, Eddie.
Don't work too hard. All right.
Go ahead over and fix it!
Hey, Eddie, there's some
water comin' in here now. What?
It's comin' in from this other
thing in the bottom.
Afraid of wetting your feet, eh?
Use your plunger and clean it out.
Okay.
Do I have to tell you everything?
No, no, that's all right.
What are you doin'? What are
you doin'? The plunger, I said.
That's not the plunger!
Give me another chance.
Well, go ahead!
That's it.
I knew it had a handle to it.
Go ahead.
It's stuck!
It's stuck. What are you
takin' your shoe off for?
I don't wanna get my shoes wet. Oh.
Eddie, what's the matter?
What's the matter?
Pull on it.
You're always...
Get it off!
Look, Eddie, leave it that way
and I'll take you through the house.
I'll tell 'em I got you at
an auction. Do something!
Hold it. Hold it.
Do something. Do something.
Get your hand away.
What are you... Get up
there! Give me that hat!
Get up there and fix that!
Get in there!
Don't get mad.
Get up there and fix that leak!
You looked like a rhinoceros.
Over here! Over here!
There's the leak.
Get up there.
Now, look. I'll turn the water off
with this valve down here.
Yeah.
There ya are.
Now when ya get it fixed,
whistle. Ya understand?
Soon as I get it fixed, I whistle?
Whistle.
And then you'll turn it on.
Okay. Then I'll turn it on.
Turn it off! Turn it off!
Turn it off!
Shh! Quiet!
Turn it off!
Quiet! Quiet!
Shh! There's a man...
Shh! There's a man
sleeping in there.
Look, please,
will ya stand still a minute?
What'd ya tell me to do?
I told you if you whistle,
I'd turn it on.
You whistled, didn't ya? I
had something else on my mind.
What'd you have on your mind?
This washed it off.
Look, it's still leaking.
Here, take this here.
Take this! Don't stand there.
Blow! Blow! Blow!
Quiet! Quiet!
Blow! Blow! Blow!
Shh. Quiet! Shh. The man's asleep.
Look, the trouble lies in
this wall. In here. Yeah.
Try and locate it, will you
please? I'll locate it, Eddie.
Okay.
Shh! Not so much noise!
The man's in there asleep. Shh.
Hold on to it! Hold on to it!
Hold on to it!
Put your hand on it!
Hey!
Go on. Get that one over there!
Excuse me! Excuse me!
Get that one over there!
Hurry up!
That one over there!
Come on. Give me a hand.!
Here!
Push!
Here! Put it... Put it...
Come along!
Come here. Come here.!
Come here.!
Get in here.!
Yeah, be right over there.
Come here.!
Come here a minute.! Get in here.!
Get in here! Get in here!
Hold your head there. Hold your
head there! Hold it in there!
Hold that!
Everyone is so nice to me.
I'm afraid my pumpkin shell is
going to change back into mice.
But please don't disappear
at midnight.
I'd have to go all through that glass
slipper routine to find you again.
Of course, if I knew your name, I could
save a lot of time looking for you.
I'm Elsie Hammerdingle. Look, I'm
serious. I'd like to see you again.
I'm not kidding. My name is Elsie
Hammerdingle and I drive a taxicab.
Okay, okay, so you're
Elsie Hammerdingle.
I'll see you at the Winthrop
weekend party, won't I?
Well, I...
You've gotta be there.
We'll drive out together. I'll pick you
up. But I tell you, I'm a taxi driver.
Sure, sure,
you're a taxi driver.
Who is that new girl dancing
with Peter Evans?
They're both dressed
as taxi drivers. Hmm?
Looks like competition.
Well, what do I do now?
Didn't you learn anything
in that finishing school?
I feel I'll never walk straight
You got me so
I just can't talk straight
No bout adout it
I mean, no doubt about it
I'm in love with you
I used to be most capable
Of keeping a conversation
I never ever faltered
In my pronunciation
My speech was quite
as flawless as could be
But what did ya do
Yes, what did ya do to me
No bout adout it
I mean, no doubt about it
I'm in love with you
No bout adout it
I mean, no doubt about it
What I say is true
You're driving me insane
My talk's affected
I jumble every line
'cause something in my brain
Got disconnected when your lips
connected with mine
No fool, I'm feelin'
I mean, no feel, I'm foolin'
Like a kid of two
I suv you lo much
I mean, I love you so much
What am I to do
I feel I'll never walk straight
You got me so
I just can't talk straight
No bout adout it
I mean, no doubt about it
I'm in love with you
My train of thought
won't clickity-clack
It's had a terrific smack up
You've gone and knocked it
off of the track
And I just can't get it back up
I put my shoes on the pillow
Go to sleep on the floor
I wind up the cat
Put out the clock
And do things I never did before
And ever since we met I prattle
Like an itsy-bitsy baby
with a rattle
No fool I'm feelin'
I mean, no feel, I'm foolin'
Like a kid of two
I suv you lo much
I mean, I love you so much
What am I to do
I feel I'll never walk straight
You got me so
I just can't talk straight
No bout adout it
I mean, no doubt about it
'Cause you're lavermous... marvelous
Funderwul... wonderful
I meely rean it
I really mean it
No bout adout it
I mean, no doubt about it
I'm in love
With
You
What in the world
are they doing in there?
Run for the hills!
The whole town is flooded!
Help.! Help.!
Come on! Come on!
Help! Help!
I wouldn't write 'em any note.
I'd punch 'em in the nose.
I think this letter will do it.
"To the Atlas Plumbing Company.
"Sirs, your behavior last night
was an outrageous exhibition.
"If you dare send us a bill, we will sue you
for the damages you inflicted upon our home.
"Should we ever have plumbing trouble
again and you appear upon our premises,
we shall have you assaulted
physically by our servants. "
I'd still punch 'em in the
nose. A letter, Mrs. Van Cleve.
Thank you, Parker.
Oh, Henry, listen to this.
"Dear friends, I would be
delighted to have you...
"as my guests at Briarwood
during the coming weekend.
I'm looking forward to seeing you again.
Your friend, Mrs. Roger Winthrop. "
I'd still punch 'em
in the nose.
Makes me furious when I think of
what they did to our costume party.
Especially that little fat scoundrel.
This letter should be written
in blood. Their blood.!
Parker, get this off to
those plumbers immediately.
Very well.
Hey, Eddie!
What?
Oh, stop it.
What are you doing?
Take it easy! Take it easy!
You all right?
What is this?
That's an invite.
"Dear friends, I would be delighted
to have you as my guests...
"at Briarwood
during the coming weekend.
"I am looking forward
to seeing you again.
Your friend, Mrs. Roger Winthrop.
" Hey, this is our big chance.
Do you know those big estates up there
have four and five bathrooms each?
Four and five bathrooms?
In one house? Certainly!
Eddie, that's a lot of plumbing.
That's what I'm thinking of.
If we go up there and act as though we belong
in society, we can get all that business.
We'd make a fortune.
You sure we'd make a fortune?
Certainly!
Then I can marry Elsie Hammerdingle. Oh!
Oh yes, Eddie!
We made an agreement.
Ever since the day I made her a
ring outta the gum wrapper and I...
put it on her thumb.
Can you imagine me,
Mr. Elsie Hammerdingle,
the society plumber?
We're really goin' places!
Hello, boys. Goin' somewhere? Yeah, we
got an invitation to go to Mrs. Winthrop's.
But it's only for two,
him and I.
How's the plumbing business? We
manage to keep our head above water.
That's fine. I dropped in to see you
about that little loan I gave you.
Let me see. It's $1,000, isn't it? Yes.
You just loaned it to us. You'll have
to give us a little time to pay it back.
Oh, that's all right. I'm in no hurry. I
know it takes time to get a business going.
Meanwhile, I'd like you to do
me a little favor. Why, sure.
You boys don't wanna be
plumbers all your lives.
Oh, no. We hope someday
to be electricians.
Your business takes you
into some pretty rich homes.
There's a lot of valuable properties
there worth a lot of money.
Wait a minute. You wouldn't
commit a crime, would you? Sure.!
No thanks, Mr. Drexel. We'll just
keep on being plain, everyday plumbers.
I never told you fellows this,
but I'm quite a fortune-teller.
I can see into the future.
I see two plumbers.
They're doing pretty good.
More competition.
Shh.
But they're double-crossing a friend
of theirs who gave them their start.
That's what I call beyond grateful.
I have no use for those kind of people.
This friend of theirs
is getting mad.
Now, he wants them to cooperate with
him, or pay back the money he gave them.
He's giving them
till 6:00 tonight to get it.
Suppose they can't get it
by 6:00 tonight?
Then I see two plumbers
floating down the river,
and one of them's
a little fat guy.
What's the matter?
The joke is on him.
Why?
I can't swim.
Wait a minute. There's only
two things left to do.
Number one: we've gotta
get $1,000 by 6:00.
Number two: if we don't,
we've gotta get out of town.
We're in serious trouble.
No, we're not. Wait a minute.
It's a lucky thing Mrs. Winthrop
invited us to that weekend affair.
Drexel will never expect
to find us there. Come on.
Hey, Eddie. Wait a minute, Eddie. What?
We just can't walk out on the shop like
this. Let's give it a thought for a second.
That's long enough.
Come on. Let's go!
Hello, Dan. Oh, hello, Eddie. How are you?
Swell.
Where you bound for?
We're gonna spend the weekend
up at Briarwood. Briarwood?
Say, you can do me a favor.
Sure, Dan.
You've gotta pass Bagel Street,
see? Where's Bagel Street?
All you have to do is ask
anybody. It's on our way?
It's on your way. I want you to deliver
these hats to the Susquehanna Hat Company.
They sent me straws instead of
derbies. That's simple enough.
Hey, Eddie.!
It's about time you got here.
Why didn't ya wait for me? We're goin'
up to Briarwood to spend the weekend.
And this guy... Does he
go without me? Put your...
Okay, Dan. We'll take care
of it. Thank you ever so much.
How have you been? Good. Keep an
eye on the shop while we're gone.
I'll be glad to.
Hold those hats.
What are you doing with hats? You've gotta
deliver these to the Susquehanna Hat Shop.
It's on Bagel Street.
Where's Bagel Street?
I don't know. We'll ask. It's on our
way there. How much you say they are?
$7.50 a piece. How do I look with
a seven-and-a-half-dollar hat on?
Let me see. Kind of spiffy.
Okay?
Carry those. But don't
get it dirty. Let's go.
Bagel Street, eh? We'll
ask somebody. Bagel Street.
Ask this fellow
where Bagel Street is.
Can you tell me where Bagel Street
is? Sorry, haven't got a dime.
Who's asking for money?
I'm only asking where Bagel Street is.
Do I know where Bagel Street is? Of course
I know! What do I look like, a dummy?
Is there a tag on my lapel saying
"I just came from Ellis Island?"
Of course I know where Bagel Street is.
I was born and raised on Bagel Street.
My brother was born on Bagel
Street. Do you know my brother?
I'm askin' you... Why should you
go around talkin'about my brother?
My brother was one of the finest
boys that ever walked in shoe leather.
My brother was an honor student.
Say something nasty about my brother.
Say something like,
he shouldn't get a parole.
I'm asking you where Bagel Street is, a common
ordinary citizen asking where Bagel Street is.
I gotta deliver these hats to the Susquehanna
Hat Company. Susquehanna Hat Company!
Leave go of me!
Is that a Susquehanna hat?
Yeah!
You know who makes these?
Child labor! I don't know...
Little girls, 13, 14 years old
with curls down to here!
They work 13, 14 hours
a day in a sweatshop!
Here's what I think of a Susquehanna
hat, and look at that band!
Imitation leather, just
like paper! And look at that!
Seven-and-a-half dollars! Ow! So you put
a wire in there for me to cut my finger!
That's the worst thing
I ever saw!
Boy, the Susquehanna Hat Company!
That's what I think of them!
You know what that's gonna cost
you, don't you? Give 'em back to Dan.
$7.50!
You broke one of Dan's hats!
All I did was put a hat on my head.
Did I ask the guy to take it off?
That's enough. It's the way you
ask him. You ask the next guy.
Come on. Never mind.
Let's find Bagel Street.
Here, ask this lady
where Bagel Street is.
Excuse me, lady. Could you tell me
where Bagel Street is? Bagel Street!
Why did you have to remind me
of Bagel Street?
My husband was killed
on Bagel Street! You hear?
My husband was killed
on Bagel Street!
I don't understand this. I wanna go
to the Susquehanna Hat Company and...
Susquehanna Hat Company?
Is that a Susquehanna hat?
That's the same kind of hat my
husband was wearing when he was killed.
He wouldn't have lost his life if
he'd have been wearing a good hat...
when that safe fell out
that 15-story building!
But no! He was wearing a hat like this one!
That's the cheapest grade
of straw I ever saw!
Oh! My husband's dead!
He's dead.! He's dead.!
He ain't dead, lady. He's hiding!
Now, listen! Just a minute.
That's two hats you've broken.
You know how much you owe Derby Dan?
How much I owe Derby Dan now?
Fifteen dollars.
Fifteen dollars.
And stop insulting women.
All I asked her is
where was Bagel Street?
Bagel Street!
Bagel Street! Don't ever mention
that name! It drives me crazy!
Bagel Street! Oh!
Wait a minute. Hold that
still! Give him back the hats!
Take that box! Go down there and
find out where Bagel Street is.
Hey, Eddie, how much do
I owe Dan now? $22.50!
I'm gonna try just one more. Be
careful with that one, will you, please?
Wait, I've got an idea.
I'm gonna run back to our shop...
and get some of those
little business cards of ours.
We can give them away to those
society people up in Briarwood.
Very good business idea. But find
out where Bagel Street is, please!
Okay, I'll ask anybody.
I don't care.
Excuse me, mister. Could you please
tell me where Bagel Street is?
Bagel Street? Don't ask
me where Bagel Street is.
A terrible thing happened to me
on Bagel Street.
I was walking along,
minding my own business.
A safe fell from a 15-story
building on my head...
and killed me!
A safe fell 15 floors, fell on
your head and killed ya? Yes.
Then as long as you're dead, there's no use
asking you where the Susquehanna Hat Company is.
Susquehanna hat! That's the hat I
was wearing the day I was killed!
And you ask me about... That's
the kind of hat I was wearing!
Oh, no! Eddie!
And you asked me!
You're asking me about...
I'm so sorry.
I... I think I've
broken your hat.
You think you've broken it?
Yeah.
This is the fourth Susquehanna
hat... Susquehanna hat...
Hey! What's the matter here?
What are you doing to my place?
Hey, police! Help! Help!
What's going on here? This big fellow
is trying to kick the little fellow.
My friend!
A tough guy? Come on!
You can't take me to jail.
Oh, no?
I'm dead. You can't take me to jail!
Oh, yes, we can. Come on, my boy.
He's crazy!
He's crazy.
What can I do for you, Albert?
Luigi, how can I get
to the Susquehanna Hat Company?
Susquehanna! Susquehanna!
Luigi, what's the matter?
Susquehanna!
Luigi! Luigi!
Luigi! Luigi! No!
Luigi.! No.! Luigi.! Luigi.!
Luigi! What are you doin'?
- Luigi!
- Susquehanna! Oh! Oh. Oh.
Beautiful out here, isn't it?
Wonderful.
It would be heavenly if I could
only get used to you driving.
Oh, I get it.
In the taxi business, you drive.
What is all this mystery about
you? It's no mystery to me.
Here we go again. You're Elsie
Hammerdingle, queen of the cabbies.
Yet I met you at the Van Cleve
costume ball. It doesn't make sense.
Peter, how about
letting it go at that?
Just for this weekend.
That's all right with me.
Oh, you men are all alike, Eddie. Oh!
I clean and slave here eight hours a
day and you guys bring in all the dust.
Oh, you men!
Shush. Shush.
My goodness, I never seen anything
like this. Take it easy now.
Eddie, this is the nicest thing
you did for me today.
What's that? When you
saved these hats for me.
Ah, sure. Sure. I think
there's only one left in there.
Hey, Eddie.
Nice job.
I think I'll just try just one
more on. You can try one more.
But what excuse are we going to
give to the Susquehanna Hat Shop?
Susquehanna!
Take it easy!
This is a fine time to lay down!
I wasn't laying down!
Clean the place up.
Clean the place up!
Sit down, Eddie. Rest.
Sit down. Rest. Take it easy.
Susquehanna!
I mean, I...
Get it! Get it! Get it!
I got it! I got it!
Come on.
Get out of there.
Get out. Get out. Down this way. Hey!
Stop it!
Oh, no!
How are you, Pipps? Fine.
Thank you, sir. And you?
Fine.
Peter, I'm delighted.
The weekend wouldn't have been the same
without you. Now, run right to the pool.
Gloria is putting together a musical
number for the lawn party this afternoon.
That's fine. We'll go right over.
"We"?
You know Elsie.
How do you do, my dear?
I don't believe we've ever met.
Of course you met Elsie,
at the Van Cleve costume ball.
Oh, one of their horsey set. Well, any
friend of Peter's is welcome to Briarwood.
Will you be quite comfortable? Oh, yes,
your butler showed me to a lovely guest room.
How charming. I do hope you'll
enjoy your weekend. Thank you.
Come on.
Let's find Gloria.
Rehearsin', rehearsin'
Those sweet "I love you" phrases
Rehearsin', rehearsin'
On how to sing his praises
Diggin' up new adjectives
That ought to fill the bill
Learnin' little "magictives"
To give his heart a thrill
Rehearsin', rehearsin'
To make my kisses balance
Reviewin', reviewin'
My most romantic talent
I've even learned gin rummy
But I wish I knew the score
'Cause he's the one in person
I'm rehearsin' for
Rehearsin', rehearsin'
Been practicin'my crooning
Rehearsin', rehearsin'
The act of perfect swoonin'
Gettin' set for golden tans
and Sundays at the beach
I'm even brushin'up
on my holdin'hands
To keep you in my reach
Rehearsin', rehearsin'
To make my kisses balance
Renewin', reviewin'
My most romantic talents
I hope my technique pleases
He won't think that I'm a bore
'Cause he's the one in person
I'm rehearsin'for
Peter!
Hello, Gloria.!
Now the weekend is a success.
Thanks for those kind words.
Elsie and I drove up together.
Elsie?
You know Miss... Oh, of course.
You sang at the Van Cleve ball.
That's right.
You wore a cab driver's outfit.
It's certainly a relief
to get out of that uniform.
I can't get over this place.
It's so beautiful.
I'm sure your estate
is just as large.
No, we live over the grocery
store. Am I hearing things?
Hallucinations. She thinks she's a lady
taxicab driver named Elsie Hammerdingle.
Not even a hyphen between
the Hammer and the dingle.
What, no hyphen?
That's just too, too whimsical.
But, if you care for that kind of humor, from
now on I'll be Gussey Pumpernickel, lady janitor.
This way, gentlemen. Uh, are you quite
sure you've come to the right place?
Oh, yes. We have
an invitation, mister.
Oh, you needn't call me mister.
I'm the butler.
Okay, Mr. Butler. Here's the invitation.
She give it to us right there.
Yes.
Thank you.
Here's your room, gentlemen.
I hope you like it.
Like it? Who in the world
wouldn't like this room?
You mean this one room
for the two of us?
And another thing, who cut this
bed in half? What's the matter?
They're twin beds. Will you keep
quiet. Do we look like twins?
You have a very rigorous
schedule here.
You bath at 10:00,
brunch at 11:00, tea at 2:00.
I always have a very, very
"ridgerous" schedule. I always do.
I washbasin at 8:00. And then I doughnut
at 9:00. I pinball machine at 10:00.
I hamburger and onions at 11:00
and then I bicarbonate of soda at 12:00.
That settles everything.
It sure does.
Pay no attention to my friend here.
He's very eccentric, but very wealthy.
If you'll pardon me, gentlemen,
I'll be back in a moment. Yeah, sure.
Say.
What's the matter?
The Winthrop's, they're
very fine people. Why?
Look at all the nice clothes
they're lending us.
Well, let 'em think
that we're used to it, you know.
Don't act surprised.
And remember your etiquette.
Etiquette?
Etiquette.
You tryin' to tell me? You
can't learn me nothin' like that.
You don't even know how
to say the word. Etiquette?
No, "ah-tick-it-tee. "
Etiquette!
Ah-tick-it-tee!
I said, etiquette!
You don't have to tell me
about all that stuff...
because my mother told me
the right road from the wrong road.
If my mother thought I was gonna do
something wrong, she would always tell me.
Because I had the right kind
of bringing up.
Gentlemen, your bath is drawn. Erase it.
What?
Rub it out!
Shh, not so loud.
My friend is very humorous too.
You've got to take a bath!
Quiet. Not so loud!
Right?
Quite.
Right.
Sir, if I may start
undressing you now.
You're gonna undress me?
Yes, sir.
The last person that ever
undressed me was my mother,
and that was a year ago.
Ayear ago?
You gotta start to learn
to undress yourself...
sometime or other by yourself,
don't you?
Right.
Quite.
Right.
Oh.
If you'll allow me, I'll take
your coat. Thank you. Shall I?
Give the man your coat.
Okay. Okay.
No arguments needed.
Your tie, sir.
Handle this stuff very nicely.
Your tie, sir.
Don't fight. Take it easy.
Give the man...
Please, please, please!
Don't fight me.
I'm not fighting, sir.
Give the man your tie!
Take it off!
All right, I'll give the
guy... All right... Shh!
Put 'em down!
Shh, quiet!
Will you tell him to put his
hands down? Let me have your tie.
All right!
Put your hands down!
You don't have to fight
about it. Here.
Thank you.
There's nothing to it.
Thank you very much.
Now your shirt, sir.
My shirt?
Yes.
I don't get it...
Take it off!
I know how to undress myself. Nobody has
to tell me. Show the man you can do it.
I mean, I know...
I know how to do this.
I'm sure you do.
Oh, take it off!
All right, all right.
Take yours off too.
Your pants, sir.
Think they'll fit you?
Take the pants off! Okay. All
right. I mean, after all...
Put your leg up,
sir, will you?
No, no. Please, sir.
Just a minute. Just a minute.
Just a minute.
All right, all right.
Take it easy.
There you are.
Get up on your feet. Get up.
Okay. Now...
I think you're ready now, sir.
My "bawth" is ready?
Yes, sir.
Um, I will go.
And I think I will return in a jiffy.
I dare say, a "fortnit. "
Toodle-loo.
Oh, yes.
Mrs. Winthrop.
Yes?
Something terrible has
happened. What's the matter?
Our luggage has disappeared.
Vanished into the thin air.
I think it was misappropriated
by one of your servants.
Impossible! I trust them all implicitly.
Why, they've been with me for years.
It couldn't be one of the
guests. No, out of the question.
That's absurd. I'm sure your luggage
was just misplaced. I'll speak to Pipps.
Perhaps he can find some clothes
for you for the time being.
Baron! Look!
Look at that person. He's
wearing a blazer just like mine.
Who in the world is he?
How do you do?
How do you do?
A "ridgerous" schedule, isn't it?
Quite.
Quite.
Allow me to present Baron
Sergei. How do you do?
No, not me.
There. Baron Sergei.
And Count Alexis.
I don't believe
I got your name.
Oh, of course not. If you had
my name, you would be my sister.
Good-bye. Good-bye.
When I see Mrs. Winthrop, I will tell
her about you. But I'm Mrs. Winthrop.
All right. When you see her, you tell
her about me. Thank you. Toodle-loo.
Remarkable.
I wanna go to sleep
I wanna go to sleep
And dream
That dream I had last night
Well, what do you know He smiled
at me in my dreams last night
My dreams are gettin' better
all the time
And what do you know
He looked at me in a different light
My dreams are gettin' better
all the time
To think that we were strangers
A couple of nights ago
And though it's a dream
I never dreamed he'd ever say hello
Well, maybe tonight
he'll hold me tight
When the moonbeams shine
My dreams are gettin' better
all the time
Music's playin'
while we're swayin'
To a lovely strain
Lights are low
And now I know
Soon we'll meet again
Well, what do you know He smiled
at me in my dreams last night
My dreams are gettin' better
all the time
And what do you know
He looked at me in a different light
My dreams are gettin' better
all the time
To think that we were strangers
A couple of nights ago
And though it's a dream
I never dreamed he'd ever say hello
Well, maybe tonight
he'll hold me tight
When the moonbeams shine
My dreams are gettin' better
better all the time
Better and better and better
all the time
I wanna go to sleep
I wanna sleep
And dream
There you are, Albert.
You know, you look swell.
What do ya think?
Too much tie.
No, no, no, no. That's swell.
Now let's go downstairs.
And be careful how you act at all
times. Never mind! Put that down!
Albert! Eddie!
Hello, Elsie.
What are you doing here?
We were invited. We got an
invitation. We're society plumbers.
How did you get here?
It's all such a crazy thing.
I met Peter Evans
at the Van Cleve party.
He thought I was one of the guests
and offered to drive me out here.
But you're not one of the guests.
You must have told him a big fib.
I told him I was Elsie Hammerdingle,
but he wouldn't believe me.
And I let him go on thinking
that I belonged with these people.
But why?
Because I wanted to come here.
I wanted this weekend
to remember.
I know how you feel, Elsie.
I felt the same way when
you and I went on those picnics.
I know as soon as they find out
who I am, they'll throw me out,
but in the meantime, I have this one memory
to dream about for the rest of my life.
You love Peter Evans,
don't you?
He's spoiled me for every man
I'll ever meet after this.
He's wonderful, ain't he?
I guess you thought you were gonna
get stuck with a little fat plumber.
Oh, come, come, come. Look, Elsie,
we'll do everything to help you out.
Yes. I'm gonna try hard, Elsie.
We'll make these people think...
we were the best brought-up
society people they ever saw.
I'll put on the dog
just for you, Elsie.
That a boy. It's breaking my heart,
but I'm gonna do it for Elsie.
That's swell.
Thanks, Albert.
You're the second-nicest boy
I know.
Hmm.
Oh.
What's the matter?
Eddie.
What?
I'll never wash my face
as long as I live.
Oh... Oh, come on. Go ahead.
Oh, Eddie... Put your
hat on. Never mind that.
Don't rub it off! Don't
rub it off! All right.
Pick your hat up.
Pick your hat up.
I'm sorry, gentlemen, that our
clothes are not an exact fit.
I did my best, of course.
Look! Those men again.
Again their clothes look
familiar. Remarkable!
Hey, Eddie.
Now what's wrong?
I don't know what's wrong with this coat,
but it seems like there's some starch up here.
Look it here. Look at this!
What's the matter? Now sit
down and behave yourself!
How do you do?
How do you do?
This is the first opportunity I've had
to welcome you to Briarwood.
How do you do, Mrs. Briarwood? I'm
not Mrs. Briarwood. I'm Mrs. Winthrop.
This is Mrs. Winthrop.
Then you two have met before.
No, not him. You, I have
met. You met me before?
Yes.
Then we're old friends.
Of course, you know
this party is for charity.
I'm selling tickets to view our rare,
old family treasure, The Plunger.
I think that's a very good idea,
don't you, Edward?
Yes, yes.
What did you say?
To view our rare, old family
treasure, The Plunger. The plunger?
It's gonna cost money
to look at a plunger?
Why, of course.
Five dollars apiece.
Lady, are you gonna charge
everybody here for that? Yes.
Get 'em all together
in one group,
and I got a plunger you
can look at for nothin'.
Ah, but yours must be an
imitation. No, it's the real thing.
But my Plunger has been
in the family 150 years.
150 years?
Yes.
Don't you think it's about time
you threw it out?
Its exquisite coloring has never
been surpassed. It's worth $150,000.
Oh, it must be a beaut.
How many tickets will you have?
It's worth its weight in gold.
This I gotta see, Eddie.
I wanna see this.
Yeah.
How much are the tickets?
Five dollars apiece.
Very cheap. Very cheap. Say no
more. Pay the lady for the tickets.
Pay the lady.!
You just put your hand in your pocket,
but you never come out with nothin'.
Very eccentric.
Is that so?
Pay the lady! All right! All
right! Two tickets to see a plunger.
Thank you so much. Just this
way, gentlemen. Yes, surely.
Oh, I don't seem
to recall your names.
I'm Mr. Harrington.
This is, uh, Mr. Mansfield.
Of the Little Rock Mansfields.
Oh! How do you do?
Take an arm?
Right this way. Of course.
I know you'll enjoy it immensely.
Get away from the tree!
Pay no attention to him.
Peter, I've been looking all over
for you. Well, Miss Dinglehammer.
That's Hammerdingle.
Oh, of course, the lady cab driver. Don't
you think you ought to call your stand?
You may have some fares.
I'm not working this weekend.
It seems to me
you're working overtime.
Will you walk me to the
unveiling, Peter? Certainly.
Come on, Elsie.
Pardon me, Mrs. Winthrop.
May I take your photograph with these
two gentlemen for our society page?
Why, of course, it's okay. Go right ahead.
Don't forget to mention that next week
we're having a sale on secondhand washers.
Thank you. If they come out good,
I'd like about a dozen. Thank you.
Well, now, about to see the
plunger. The plunger, yes.
Let's see it.
I'm just about to unveil it.
A plunger with a veil?
I don't know.
If you please.
The plunger.
What kind of plunger is that? That must be
the bathroom door. The plunger must be inside.
Don't you understand?
That's the plunger there.
That's the plunger?
That big guy standing up.
That's a painting or something.
That's a gambler.
Any man that gambles
is a plunger.
Any man that gambles they call
a plunger? If he gambles heavy.
Then it's just a painting. That's
all. Expensive painting too.
How much that cost?
$150,000.
You was cheated, Mrs. Winthrop.
What?
I don't even see $100,000
worth of chips on the table.
Unless they got it
in their pockets.
This is the place
I'm looking for, isn't it?
To be sure, sir.
My name is Drexel.
I'm a friend of Mr. Harrington
and Mr. Mansfield.
What you mean is that Mrs. Winthrop
invited Mr. Peter Evans for the weekend,
he invited Miss Hammerdingle,
she invited Mr. Harrington
and Mr. Mansfield,
and they in turn invited you.
Yes, we are
a very hospitable group.
Drexel!
Marlow!
What are you doing here?
I'm something
of an art collector.
I understand there's
a valuable painting here.
Oh, yeah, The Plunger.
The last time we met you were doing a stretch for
collecting paintings without the owner's permission.
This time my work
is purely as supervisor.
I've got two stooges
on the inside.
All of a sudden,
I'm an art collector too.
Count me in.
I'm your partner.
Save me.! Help.!
Help.! Help.! Save me.!
Save me.! Help.! Help.!
Help!
Hold on me, boy!
Get up here.
Go ahead, kid.
I'm gonna sue you
in every court in this world!
What's the matter?
Didn't I just save your life?
Yeah, but where's my hat?
What in the world is this? How do you
like this guy? I just saved his life!
You saved whose life?
His.
Do you know this guy?
No.
You had no license
to go out after that man.
You gotta have a license
to go save a guy?
You want me to run
downtown to the "brureau"...
and say, "Gimme a license.
I want to save a man"?
There's lifeguards.
They've got families.
Those families depend on the
salaries those lifeguards earn...
to jump in swimming pools
and oceans and save people.
And you... As soon
as their back is turned,
you deliberately sneak into the
pool and do the work for nothing!
Don't ever do a thing like
that! I'm sorry I saved you.
You should be sorry!
Do you mind very much
if I settle this argument?
I wish you would. You tell Eddie
everything. Thank you very much.
Well, that's better.
Wait! Wait!
I'm gonna run down and get a
license! I'll be right back!
Wait there.!
Keep out of people's business.
Mr. Drexel. Eddie and Al,
how are you? Glad to see ya.
You're not mad at us?
Of course not. I'm your pal.
What about the $1,000?
Let's not talk about that now.
What are you doing here? I'm here
on business. Maybe you can help me.
Certainly. There's a package I'd
like you to carry home for me.
Sure. He's the greatest package
carrier. I'd be glad to help.
What's in it?
It might be a painting.
The Plunger?
It could be.
Well, we won't help. If you do
anything like that, we'll expose you!
You heard that, didn't you? You do anything
like that and we'll turn the hose on you!
I was just trying to test your
honesty. I'm glad you stand the test.
Run along and
enjoy yourselves.
We stand all kind of tests. Just
keep testing us. Test us. Come on!
What did they say?
They said they'd expose me
to Mrs. Winthrop if I try anything.
How are your knives these days?
I still keep them sharp and handy.
Just this way, please.
Mrs. Winthrop asked me to bring
you two gentlemen down here...
so you could choose your mounts
for the fox hunt.
Fox hunt?
Oh, certainly.
What would a weekend be
without a fox hunt?
You know, last season
all we shot was grouse.
Oh, and I bagged three
of the "greese" myself.
Greese?
Greese.
Greese is not plural.
It ain't "sinjular. "
I mean, after all...
Yes, indeed...
Well, my good man,
get me my mount.
And get me the biggest mount
that you got.
What's a mount?
A mount's a horse.
Hey! Don't...
You... You can kill somebody with those.
Now, cut it out. Hey, Eddie, are you gonna...
What did ya do to Eddie?
What did ya do to Eddie?
Now, are you gonna help
Drexel with the job?
I won't give in, Eddie.
I won't give in.
With this last knife I'm
gonna hit ya right in the head.
Wait a minute. Every condemned man
has a last request to make.
What's yours?
Before you throw that last knife,
will you please take your hat off?
All right.
Thank you.
I don't want to see this.
Hey, did he get you?
Yeah.
Where?
In the belt.
Well, come on. Pull up your pants,
and let's get out ofhere. Okay.
So sorry about
your clothes, gentlemen.
Oh, it is nothing, madame.
Your butler did the best he could.
I'm afraid the fox will be ashamed
to be pursued by us.
Good hunting, Peter.
Thank you, Gloria.
If we'd had more advance notice we could
have arranged for a horse with a meter.
Take care of the plumbers?
Don't worry about them.
I fixed it so they get the wildest
animals in the stable. Fine.
The little fat guy's horse
is a killer.
Come on, Buck.
Giddyap, boy.
Come on, come on, come on.
Come on!
Whoa! Whoa, boy! Whoa!
Albert, I wonder why
that groom...
wanted us to ride
those four-legged killers.
I don't know. The 20 bucks
certainly changed his mind.
It was my 20.
I know. It's...
What are you doing with
the rope? That's my lasso.
When I see the fox, I'm gonna lasso
him, and then I'll bulldoze him,
and then I'll hog-tie him,
and then I'm gonna brand him.
And if I like the fox real well,
I'll make a watch fox of him.
Yoicks and away!
Yoicks, Mr. Mansfield!
Yoicks to you too!
Albert! Albert!
Oh, fox! Here, fox!
Take it easy. Take it easy.
Here, fox!
Here, fox!
Fox!
Here, fox.
Here, fox!
Here, fox.
Here, fox...
Uh-oh, the fox.
Uh-oh, another bridge.
Take it easy!
Eddie! Eddie!
Hey, Eddie!
Fox!
Albert!
Where are you, Albert?
Whoa, Harry! Whoa!
Get outta the way!
Get outta the way!
Get outta the way!
Get outta the way!
Hey, hey, come on! Come on!
Outta the way.! Look out.!
Look out.! Scatter.!
Get outta the way!
Get outta the way!
Get outta the way.!
Outta the way.!
Hey.
Oh. Kitten.
Remarkable.
Whenever I look at you
The cloudiest sky is blue
From nowhere
the sun breaks through
What a change in the weather
Whenever your lips
meet mine
The stormiest day is fine
Flowers bloom in the wintertime
What a change in the weather
You merely smile at me
And robins sing
A humdrum world
Becomes
A lovely thing
Whenever the ill winds blow
Whenever I'm feelin' low
I think of your arms and, oh
What a change in the weather
What a change
In my heart
Whenever I look at you
The cloudiest sky is blue
From nowhere
the sun breaks through
What a change
In the weather
Whenever your lips meet mine
The stormiest day is fine
Flowers bloom
in the wintertime
What a change
In the weather
You merely smile at me
And robins sing
A humdrum world
Becomes
A lovely thing
Whenever the ill winds blow
Whenever I'm feelin' low
I think of your arms and, oh
What a change in the weather
What a change
In my heart
Excuse me.
Sure.
Please, Mr. Osborne.
Ladies and gentlemen,
it is my painful duty to announce...
that my famous painting,
The Plunger, has been stolen.
I know none of my guests
could possibly be involved,
but I must request you all to remain in
this room until the police investigate.
Mother, I don't think any
investigation will be necessary.
There's several suspicious strangers
among us whom we accepted as guests...
because they were
Peter Evans's friends.
Those two men are a couple of plumbers,
and that girl is a taxi driver.
They're here under false pretenses.
They're the criminals.
- I don't believe it.
- You're right. But we know who the criminal is.
Mr. Drexel told us he was coming
up here to steal your painting.
If I may interrupt, madame.
Mr. Drexel is a friend
of these gentlemen.
Then they're all in it together.
Pipps, call the police.
Hey!
Hey, look!
It's Drexel and the chauffeur.
They're trying to escape!
We gotta get 'em so we
can clear Elsie! Right!
Come on!
Stop them!
We can catch them
with this fire truck.
Where's the fire? Come on,
come on, come on, come on!
Oh, boy!
Follow that car!
Hey, take it easy, chief.
This is my first ride in a fire truck.
Mine too, buddy! Whoopee!
Step on it, Marlow.
I think that fire truck's following us.
Take it easy, chief.
Take it easy.
Get outta the way, everybody!
Get outta the way! Get outta the way!
Crowd 'em into the curb.
Turn around.
Let's head for Briarwood.
Keep your mind on the wheel!
But I'm hungry.
He's crazy.
Get him!
Come on! Get him!
Throw him over!
I took care of him.
Hey, he's over here!
Wait! He's on the running board.
Don't do that!
Finger! My finger!
My finger! My...
What was that? What was that?
Here's your painting, Mrs. Winthrop. You'll
never know the time I had getting it back.
The time you had? It was me, Eddie. Albert.
- You and Eddie are heroes.
I want to apologize for accusing you.
You may be plumbers,
but you're wonderful plumbers.
Thank goodness my Plunger is safe.
You still are a couple of thieves.
The clothes you have been
wearing belongs to us.
They've wrecked The Plunger.
Hey, the guy on the left
is cheating. He is.
Welcome home from your trip.
Hello, Parker. What's going on here?
Mrs. Van Cleve is giving a costume ball.
She has a costume laid out for you...
Napoleon, I believe.
Don't tell her I've arrived.
I haven't slept in two days.
I'm tired.
I'm going upstairs to bed.
I don't want to be disturbed by all
these gibbering idiots in monkey suits.
Parker, call
a plumber immediately!
There's a leaky faucet in my
bathroom that'll drive me crazy!
I've got to get some sleep!
Yes, sir. Very good, sir.
Albert, answer the phone!
What are you trying to do,
crack the cement?
Why don't you use your head?
I did, but it hurts that way.
I'm gonna have to go back to the
old way. Answer the phone. Go ahead.
Hurry up.
Okay, okay, okay.
Hello! Hello! I can't hear
a thing you're sayin', brother.
Hello! Hello! Put that
down! There's the phone.
Hello, Ajax Plumbing Company.
We stand behind
every bathtub we sell.
Indeed we do. What?
Eddie.
What?
It's some butler on the phone.
This is gonna be a high-class job.
Oh, yes! That's right,
Ajax Plumbing!
We charge six dollars an hour.
That's too much?
Well, then why don't you try
the Atlas Plumbing Company?
They're very cheap.
Thank you. Good-bye.
Atlas Plumbing Company.
Four dollars an hour. What?
They wanted to charge you six,
the Ajax did?
They're nothin'
but a bunch of crooks.
I'm glad you're doin' business with us.
We'll be right over. Thank you.
Ow! Did I hurt you? I'm sorry.
You should be sorry. Now
listen. Put 'em up! Put 'em up!
Put those down. Stop that. I'm
sick and tired of the whole...
Never mind that. You just behave yourself, you
understand? No more monkey business from you.
Oooh, oooh.
Elsie must be around here someplace.
That's her cab. Blow the horn.
Huh? Blow the horn? Blow the
horn! I want to get Elsie.
Elsie! Elsie!
Listen to me. There's a city
ordinance against blowing horns,
and besides, people
around here want to sleep.
Stop blowing that horn.
Okay.
Go on, blow the horn.
You heard what the cop said.
I said, blow the horn, didn't I?
He said there's a lot of people sleepin'.
So what? Did you put 'em to sleep? Is
it your fault they're in bed? No. No.
Blow the horn!
You sure?
I said blow the horn,
didn't I?
Elsie.! Elsie.!
Listen! Didn't I tell you
there was a city ordinance?
Yes, sir. Just a minute,
Officer. You're a public servant.
What of it?
Get me a glass of water.
Why, you little rat! Didn't I tell
you that people are trying to sleep?
Now stop blowing that horn!
Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
Go on, blow the horn!
What's wrong with you?
I said, blow the horn, didn't I?
Who are you listening to, him or me?
You're a taxpayer, am I right? Yeah.
Don't you know that your taxes
help pay that man his salary?
Does he know that?
He will know it.
In other words, he's workin'
for you. Oh, that's different.
So, blow the horn.
Hmm, hmm.
Elsie.!
Elsie! Elsie!
What's the matter with you?
Get that thing off!
You little... I'll break
every bone in your body!
Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy.
Watch your blood pressure, kid.
I'm watchin' it.
Take it easy.
I mean, after all, you're workin'
for me. How do you like that?
You're fired.
Okay! Why, you little rat!
Listen, you little squirt! I'm the boss
around here and you're nothin', see?
Boy, you got a nice job.
You bet your sweet life I have.
Boss over nothing. Boss over
nothing! How do you like that?
Stop. Stop the noise.
Go away.
Take it easy. Take it easy. After all,
let's be nice about the whole thing.
You should pay a little respect to
the man. After all, he's got a badge.
You bet your life. It took me
20 years to earn that badge.
You're gonna show a little
respect for it. Certainly.
I'm the limb of the law.
Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
You're a rotten limb.
Oh!
So, I'm a rotten limb, am I?
Listen, the next crack you make,
I'll break every bone in your body!
Yes, sir. Yes, sir. And he'll do it
too. He's the type guy could do it.
You're not kiddin'!
Okay, okay. See ya later.
Why don't you keep your mouth
shut like your pal? Yeah.
Then you wouldn't get in trouble. He's
always lookin' for fights all the time.
I can see that. What's the
matter? You wanna fight?
Yes, I wanna fight.
I'll fight you.
And I'll fight you.
I'll fight you!
And I'll fight you!
I'll fight you!
And I'll fight you!
No, you won't!
We'd better call it a draw.
I don't want to fight a policeman...
around here where
all the people are lookin'.
You're wearin' a uniform.
I'll fight you over there
in that alley in 15 minutes.
I'll be there! Don't forget to
be in the alley in 15 minutes!
Don't worry. I'll be there! Don't
have any other cops around to help you!
I won't have any cops around. I don't
need 'em! I'll be there all alone!
You're darn right because
I ain't gonna be there! Oh!
Duh!
All right, all right.
Come on. Let's get Elsie.
You caused enough trouble.
Hey! Here comes Elsie now.
Elsie?
Elsie!
What's the matter?
Stop that!
That's my girl.
Albert, you've been fighting again.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, turn around here.
Look at yourself.
Why don't you try and be a little
more neat? I will from now on, Elsie.
I'll try my best.
If you give me a gold star, I'll
do my best. Now you look sweet.
Say, Elsie, we've got a big society
job up at the Van Cleve mansion.
Will you drive us up there?
Sure. Hop in.
Swell. Come on.
Come on.
Come here! Where ya going?
Get in there!
Hey, hey, hey.
This cab is taken.
Here you go. Catch.
Would you hold that?
Excuse me. Oh.
Get a load of this!
Elsie, you sit down here, honey.
We'll be back in a minute. All right.
Go ahead, honey.
You listen to the music.
Mm-hmm!
So glad you could come.
Oh, thank you.
Where is it?
Where do we go?
Oh, right in here.
Excuse me.
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
A beautiful affair, Mrs. Van
Cleve. Thank you, Mrs. Winthrop.
My dance, Queen Elizabeth!
Oh, my!
I suppose there were wolves,
even in her time.
Gloria, where is Peter Evans? He's
coming as a taxi driver, Mother.
He said he'd wear a meter
and charge me to dance with him.
Only the richest bachelor in the world
could afford to be that whimsical.
You'll have to reach an understanding
with him this weekend.
That's the whole point of
our giving a weekend party, isn't it,
to throw us together again
in fond hope?
My dear, I am only suggesting a
merger of the family treasures.
And you, darling, happen
to be the Winthrop treasure.
I beg your pardon? Are you
the plumbers from Atlas?
I'm the plumber.
He's my helper, but no help.
Where's the trouble?
Walk this way.
Walk this way.
Good evening, sir.
How are you?
Wait a minute. You can't go in
there. That's a private party.
What about it?
Well, they'll throw you out.
They didn't throw you out. No, they've
been very nice about letting me sit here.
They should. You add a lot of
glamour to this little clambake.
That's a fine way
for a cabbie to talk.
- When you get in costume, you really work at it.
- Of course.
Say, I thought I knew
all the cab drivers around here.
Who are you?
Peter Evans.
The Peter Evans? Are you kidding?
No, come on in.
I'll get you a couple of affidavits.
Come on.
I go to all these society column
outings. You're a new face.
As a matter of fact,
you're a novelty all over.
Shh. You must be quiet.
Mr. Van Cleve is a very nervous man
and he's trying to sleep.
Shh!
What was that?
It's me, sweetheart.
Well, stop fooling around
and come to bed.
Hey, Eddie, what are you doin' in the
bathtub? This ain't Saturday night.
I know it, Albert.
Look out. I don't wanna hurt your
foot. You don't wanna hurt my foot?
Yes, you're my friend.
Why, thank you.
Help me out of here, Albert.
Okay, kid.
Take it easy now, Albert.
Be quiet. There's...
Don't strain yourself, Albert.
There's a guy sleeping in
the next room. Yeah, I know.
Okay, kid.
That's swell.
Shh! Shh!
Come here! Come here!
Shh.
Don't tell me to shush!
Get over here!
Stand still when I talk to ya. There's
the drip over there. Do ya see it?
Do ya see it? There. That's the
thing that's gotta be fixed. See it?
What do you want me to do,
fix it or drink it? Fix it up!
All right!
Now, shut up!
The man's sleepin'.
Fix that drip!
Okay.
I'll give you the "okay. "
Same old Eddie.
Rough-and-tough Eddie.
Go on! Fix that drip!
What are you stalling about?
Get with it!
All set?
Pick your tools up.!
Keep quiet!
There's a man asleep in there.
All fixed.
All fixed?
Look! There's another drip.
Now we've gotta fix that.
You take it easy, Eddie.
Don't work too hard. All right.
Go ahead over and fix it!
Hey, Eddie, there's some
water comin' in here now. What?
It's comin' in from this other
thing in the bottom.
Afraid of wetting your feet, eh?
Use your plunger and clean it out.
Okay.
Do I have to tell you everything?
No, no, that's all right.
What are you doin'? What are
you doin'? The plunger, I said.
That's not the plunger!
Give me another chance.
Well, go ahead!
That's it.
I knew it had a handle to it.
Go ahead.
It's stuck!
It's stuck. What are you
takin' your shoe off for?
I don't wanna get my shoes wet. Oh.
Eddie, what's the matter?
What's the matter?
Pull on it.
You're always...
Get it off!
Look, Eddie, leave it that way
and I'll take you through the house.
I'll tell 'em I got you at
an auction. Do something!
Hold it. Hold it.
Do something. Do something.
Get your hand away.
What are you... Get up
there! Give me that hat!
Get up there and fix that!
Get in there!
Don't get mad.
Get up there and fix that leak!
You looked like a rhinoceros.
Over here! Over here!
There's the leak.
Get up there.
Now, look. I'll turn the water off
with this valve down here.
Yeah.
There ya are.
Now when ya get it fixed,
whistle. Ya understand?
Soon as I get it fixed, I whistle?
Whistle.
And then you'll turn it on.
Okay. Then I'll turn it on.
Turn it off! Turn it off!
Turn it off!
Shh! Quiet!
Turn it off!
Quiet! Quiet!
Shh! There's a man...
Shh! There's a man
sleeping in there.
Look, please,
will ya stand still a minute?
What'd ya tell me to do?
I told you if you whistle,
I'd turn it on.
You whistled, didn't ya? I
had something else on my mind.
What'd you have on your mind?
This washed it off.
Look, it's still leaking.
Here, take this here.
Take this! Don't stand there.
Blow! Blow! Blow!
Quiet! Quiet!
Blow! Blow! Blow!
Shh. Quiet! Shh. The man's asleep.
Look, the trouble lies in
this wall. In here. Yeah.
Try and locate it, will you
please? I'll locate it, Eddie.
Okay.
Shh! Not so much noise!
The man's in there asleep. Shh.
Hold on to it! Hold on to it!
Hold on to it!
Put your hand on it!
Hey!
Go on. Get that one over there!
Excuse me! Excuse me!
Get that one over there!
Hurry up!
That one over there!
Come on. Give me a hand.!
Here!
Push!
Here! Put it... Put it...
Come along!
Come here. Come here.!
Come here.!
Get in here.!
Yeah, be right over there.
Come here.!
Come here a minute.! Get in here.!
Get in here! Get in here!
Hold your head there. Hold your
head there! Hold it in there!
Hold that!
Everyone is so nice to me.
I'm afraid my pumpkin shell is
going to change back into mice.
But please don't disappear
at midnight.
I'd have to go all through that glass
slipper routine to find you again.
Of course, if I knew your name, I could
save a lot of time looking for you.
I'm Elsie Hammerdingle. Look, I'm
serious. I'd like to see you again.
I'm not kidding. My name is Elsie
Hammerdingle and I drive a taxicab.
Okay, okay, so you're
Elsie Hammerdingle.
I'll see you at the Winthrop
weekend party, won't I?
Well, I...
You've gotta be there.
We'll drive out together. I'll pick you
up. But I tell you, I'm a taxi driver.
Sure, sure,
you're a taxi driver.
Who is that new girl dancing
with Peter Evans?
They're both dressed
as taxi drivers. Hmm?
Looks like competition.
Well, what do I do now?
Didn't you learn anything
in that finishing school?
I feel I'll never walk straight
You got me so
I just can't talk straight
No bout adout it
I mean, no doubt about it
I'm in love with you
I used to be most capable
Of keeping a conversation
I never ever faltered
In my pronunciation
My speech was quite
as flawless as could be
But what did ya do
Yes, what did ya do to me
No bout adout it
I mean, no doubt about it
I'm in love with you
No bout adout it
I mean, no doubt about it
What I say is true
You're driving me insane
My talk's affected
I jumble every line
'cause something in my brain
Got disconnected when your lips
connected with mine
No fool, I'm feelin'
I mean, no feel, I'm foolin'
Like a kid of two
I suv you lo much
I mean, I love you so much
What am I to do
I feel I'll never walk straight
You got me so
I just can't talk straight
No bout adout it
I mean, no doubt about it
I'm in love with you
My train of thought
won't clickity-clack
It's had a terrific smack up
You've gone and knocked it
off of the track
And I just can't get it back up
I put my shoes on the pillow
Go to sleep on the floor
I wind up the cat
Put out the clock
And do things I never did before
And ever since we met I prattle
Like an itsy-bitsy baby
with a rattle
No fool I'm feelin'
I mean, no feel, I'm foolin'
Like a kid of two
I suv you lo much
I mean, I love you so much
What am I to do
I feel I'll never walk straight
You got me so
I just can't talk straight
No bout adout it
I mean, no doubt about it
'Cause you're lavermous... marvelous
Funderwul... wonderful
I meely rean it
I really mean it
No bout adout it
I mean, no doubt about it
I'm in love
With
You
What in the world
are they doing in there?
Run for the hills!
The whole town is flooded!
Help.! Help.!
Come on! Come on!
Help! Help!
I wouldn't write 'em any note.
I'd punch 'em in the nose.
I think this letter will do it.
"To the Atlas Plumbing Company.
"Sirs, your behavior last night
was an outrageous exhibition.
"If you dare send us a bill, we will sue you
for the damages you inflicted upon our home.
"Should we ever have plumbing trouble
again and you appear upon our premises,
we shall have you assaulted
physically by our servants. "
I'd still punch 'em in the
nose. A letter, Mrs. Van Cleve.
Thank you, Parker.
Oh, Henry, listen to this.
"Dear friends, I would be
delighted to have you...
"as my guests at Briarwood
during the coming weekend.
I'm looking forward to seeing you again.
Your friend, Mrs. Roger Winthrop. "
I'd still punch 'em
in the nose.
Makes me furious when I think of
what they did to our costume party.
Especially that little fat scoundrel.
This letter should be written
in blood. Their blood.!
Parker, get this off to
those plumbers immediately.
Very well.
Hey, Eddie!
What?
Oh, stop it.
What are you doing?
Take it easy! Take it easy!
You all right?
What is this?
That's an invite.
"Dear friends, I would be delighted
to have you as my guests...
"at Briarwood
during the coming weekend.
"I am looking forward
to seeing you again.
Your friend, Mrs. Roger Winthrop.
" Hey, this is our big chance.
Do you know those big estates up there
have four and five bathrooms each?
Four and five bathrooms?
In one house? Certainly!
Eddie, that's a lot of plumbing.
That's what I'm thinking of.
If we go up there and act as though we belong
in society, we can get all that business.
We'd make a fortune.
You sure we'd make a fortune?
Certainly!
Then I can marry Elsie Hammerdingle. Oh!
Oh yes, Eddie!
We made an agreement.
Ever since the day I made her a
ring outta the gum wrapper and I...
put it on her thumb.
Can you imagine me,
Mr. Elsie Hammerdingle,
the society plumber?
We're really goin' places!
Hello, boys. Goin' somewhere? Yeah, we
got an invitation to go to Mrs. Winthrop's.
But it's only for two,
him and I.
How's the plumbing business? We
manage to keep our head above water.
That's fine. I dropped in to see you
about that little loan I gave you.
Let me see. It's $1,000, isn't it? Yes.
You just loaned it to us. You'll have
to give us a little time to pay it back.
Oh, that's all right. I'm in no hurry. I
know it takes time to get a business going.
Meanwhile, I'd like you to do
me a little favor. Why, sure.
You boys don't wanna be
plumbers all your lives.
Oh, no. We hope someday
to be electricians.
Your business takes you
into some pretty rich homes.
There's a lot of valuable properties
there worth a lot of money.
Wait a minute. You wouldn't
commit a crime, would you? Sure.!
No thanks, Mr. Drexel. We'll just
keep on being plain, everyday plumbers.
I never told you fellows this,
but I'm quite a fortune-teller.
I can see into the future.
I see two plumbers.
They're doing pretty good.
More competition.
Shh.
But they're double-crossing a friend
of theirs who gave them their start.
That's what I call beyond grateful.
I have no use for those kind of people.
This friend of theirs
is getting mad.
Now, he wants them to cooperate with
him, or pay back the money he gave them.
He's giving them
till 6:00 tonight to get it.
Suppose they can't get it
by 6:00 tonight?
Then I see two plumbers
floating down the river,
and one of them's
a little fat guy.
What's the matter?
The joke is on him.
Why?
I can't swim.
Wait a minute. There's only
two things left to do.
Number one: we've gotta
get $1,000 by 6:00.
Number two: if we don't,
we've gotta get out of town.
We're in serious trouble.
No, we're not. Wait a minute.
It's a lucky thing Mrs. Winthrop
invited us to that weekend affair.
Drexel will never expect
to find us there. Come on.
Hey, Eddie. Wait a minute, Eddie. What?
We just can't walk out on the shop like
this. Let's give it a thought for a second.
That's long enough.
Come on. Let's go!
Hello, Dan. Oh, hello, Eddie. How are you?
Swell.
Where you bound for?
We're gonna spend the weekend
up at Briarwood. Briarwood?
Say, you can do me a favor.
Sure, Dan.
You've gotta pass Bagel Street,
see? Where's Bagel Street?
All you have to do is ask
anybody. It's on our way?
It's on your way. I want you to deliver
these hats to the Susquehanna Hat Company.
They sent me straws instead of
derbies. That's simple enough.
Hey, Eddie.!
It's about time you got here.
Why didn't ya wait for me? We're goin'
up to Briarwood to spend the weekend.
And this guy... Does he
go without me? Put your...
Okay, Dan. We'll take care
of it. Thank you ever so much.
How have you been? Good. Keep an
eye on the shop while we're gone.
I'll be glad to.
Hold those hats.
What are you doing with hats? You've gotta
deliver these to the Susquehanna Hat Shop.
It's on Bagel Street.
Where's Bagel Street?
I don't know. We'll ask. It's on our
way there. How much you say they are?
$7.50 a piece. How do I look with
a seven-and-a-half-dollar hat on?
Let me see. Kind of spiffy.
Okay?
Carry those. But don't
get it dirty. Let's go.
Bagel Street, eh? We'll
ask somebody. Bagel Street.
Ask this fellow
where Bagel Street is.
Can you tell me where Bagel Street
is? Sorry, haven't got a dime.
Who's asking for money?
I'm only asking where Bagel Street is.
Do I know where Bagel Street is? Of course
I know! What do I look like, a dummy?
Is there a tag on my lapel saying
"I just came from Ellis Island?"
Of course I know where Bagel Street is.
I was born and raised on Bagel Street.
My brother was born on Bagel
Street. Do you know my brother?
I'm askin' you... Why should you
go around talkin'about my brother?
My brother was one of the finest
boys that ever walked in shoe leather.
My brother was an honor student.
Say something nasty about my brother.
Say something like,
he shouldn't get a parole.
I'm asking you where Bagel Street is, a common
ordinary citizen asking where Bagel Street is.
I gotta deliver these hats to the Susquehanna
Hat Company. Susquehanna Hat Company!
Leave go of me!
Is that a Susquehanna hat?
Yeah!
You know who makes these?
Child labor! I don't know...
Little girls, 13, 14 years old
with curls down to here!
They work 13, 14 hours
a day in a sweatshop!
Here's what I think of a Susquehanna
hat, and look at that band!
Imitation leather, just
like paper! And look at that!
Seven-and-a-half dollars! Ow! So you put
a wire in there for me to cut my finger!
That's the worst thing
I ever saw!
Boy, the Susquehanna Hat Company!
That's what I think of them!
You know what that's gonna cost
you, don't you? Give 'em back to Dan.
$7.50!
You broke one of Dan's hats!
All I did was put a hat on my head.
Did I ask the guy to take it off?
That's enough. It's the way you
ask him. You ask the next guy.
Come on. Never mind.
Let's find Bagel Street.
Here, ask this lady
where Bagel Street is.
Excuse me, lady. Could you tell me
where Bagel Street is? Bagel Street!
Why did you have to remind me
of Bagel Street?
My husband was killed
on Bagel Street! You hear?
My husband was killed
on Bagel Street!
I don't understand this. I wanna go
to the Susquehanna Hat Company and...
Susquehanna Hat Company?
Is that a Susquehanna hat?
That's the same kind of hat my
husband was wearing when he was killed.
He wouldn't have lost his life if
he'd have been wearing a good hat...
when that safe fell out
that 15-story building!
But no! He was wearing a hat like this one!
That's the cheapest grade
of straw I ever saw!
Oh! My husband's dead!
He's dead.! He's dead.!
He ain't dead, lady. He's hiding!
Now, listen! Just a minute.
That's two hats you've broken.
You know how much you owe Derby Dan?
How much I owe Derby Dan now?
Fifteen dollars.
Fifteen dollars.
And stop insulting women.
All I asked her is
where was Bagel Street?
Bagel Street!
Bagel Street! Don't ever mention
that name! It drives me crazy!
Bagel Street! Oh!
Wait a minute. Hold that
still! Give him back the hats!
Take that box! Go down there and
find out where Bagel Street is.
Hey, Eddie, how much do
I owe Dan now? $22.50!
I'm gonna try just one more. Be
careful with that one, will you, please?
Wait, I've got an idea.
I'm gonna run back to our shop...
and get some of those
little business cards of ours.
We can give them away to those
society people up in Briarwood.
Very good business idea. But find
out where Bagel Street is, please!
Okay, I'll ask anybody.
I don't care.
Excuse me, mister. Could you please
tell me where Bagel Street is?
Bagel Street? Don't ask
me where Bagel Street is.
A terrible thing happened to me
on Bagel Street.
I was walking along,
minding my own business.
A safe fell from a 15-story
building on my head...
and killed me!
A safe fell 15 floors, fell on
your head and killed ya? Yes.
Then as long as you're dead, there's no use
asking you where the Susquehanna Hat Company is.
Susquehanna hat! That's the hat I
was wearing the day I was killed!
And you ask me about... That's
the kind of hat I was wearing!
Oh, no! Eddie!
And you asked me!
You're asking me about...
I'm so sorry.
I... I think I've
broken your hat.
You think you've broken it?
Yeah.
This is the fourth Susquehanna
hat... Susquehanna hat...
Hey! What's the matter here?
What are you doing to my place?
Hey, police! Help! Help!
What's going on here? This big fellow
is trying to kick the little fellow.
My friend!
A tough guy? Come on!
You can't take me to jail.
Oh, no?
I'm dead. You can't take me to jail!
Oh, yes, we can. Come on, my boy.
He's crazy!
He's crazy.
What can I do for you, Albert?
Luigi, how can I get
to the Susquehanna Hat Company?
Susquehanna! Susquehanna!
Luigi, what's the matter?
Susquehanna!
Luigi! Luigi!
Luigi! Luigi! No!
Luigi.! No.! Luigi.! Luigi.!
Luigi! What are you doin'?
- Luigi!
- Susquehanna! Oh! Oh. Oh.
Beautiful out here, isn't it?
Wonderful.
It would be heavenly if I could
only get used to you driving.
Oh, I get it.
In the taxi business, you drive.
What is all this mystery about
you? It's no mystery to me.
Here we go again. You're Elsie
Hammerdingle, queen of the cabbies.
Yet I met you at the Van Cleve
costume ball. It doesn't make sense.
Peter, how about
letting it go at that?
Just for this weekend.
That's all right with me.
Oh, you men are all alike, Eddie. Oh!
I clean and slave here eight hours a
day and you guys bring in all the dust.
Oh, you men!
Shush. Shush.
My goodness, I never seen anything
like this. Take it easy now.
Eddie, this is the nicest thing
you did for me today.
What's that? When you
saved these hats for me.
Ah, sure. Sure. I think
there's only one left in there.
Hey, Eddie.
Nice job.
I think I'll just try just one
more on. You can try one more.
But what excuse are we going to
give to the Susquehanna Hat Shop?
Susquehanna!
Take it easy!
This is a fine time to lay down!
I wasn't laying down!
Clean the place up.
Clean the place up!
Sit down, Eddie. Rest.
Sit down. Rest. Take it easy.
Susquehanna!
I mean, I...
Get it! Get it! Get it!
I got it! I got it!
Come on.
Get out of there.
Get out. Get out. Down this way. Hey!
Stop it!
Oh, no!
How are you, Pipps? Fine.
Thank you, sir. And you?
Fine.
Peter, I'm delighted.
The weekend wouldn't have been the same
without you. Now, run right to the pool.
Gloria is putting together a musical
number for the lawn party this afternoon.
That's fine. We'll go right over.
"We"?
You know Elsie.
How do you do, my dear?
I don't believe we've ever met.
Of course you met Elsie,
at the Van Cleve costume ball.
Oh, one of their horsey set. Well, any
friend of Peter's is welcome to Briarwood.
Will you be quite comfortable? Oh, yes,
your butler showed me to a lovely guest room.
How charming. I do hope you'll
enjoy your weekend. Thank you.
Come on.
Let's find Gloria.
Rehearsin', rehearsin'
Those sweet "I love you" phrases
Rehearsin', rehearsin'
On how to sing his praises
Diggin' up new adjectives
That ought to fill the bill
Learnin' little "magictives"
To give his heart a thrill
Rehearsin', rehearsin'
To make my kisses balance
Reviewin', reviewin'
My most romantic talent
I've even learned gin rummy
But I wish I knew the score
'Cause he's the one in person
I'm rehearsin' for
Rehearsin', rehearsin'
Been practicin'my crooning
Rehearsin', rehearsin'
The act of perfect swoonin'
Gettin' set for golden tans
and Sundays at the beach
I'm even brushin'up
on my holdin'hands
To keep you in my reach
Rehearsin', rehearsin'
To make my kisses balance
Renewin', reviewin'
My most romantic talents
I hope my technique pleases
He won't think that I'm a bore
'Cause he's the one in person
I'm rehearsin'for
Peter!
Hello, Gloria.!
Now the weekend is a success.
Thanks for those kind words.
Elsie and I drove up together.
Elsie?
You know Miss... Oh, of course.
You sang at the Van Cleve ball.
That's right.
You wore a cab driver's outfit.
It's certainly a relief
to get out of that uniform.
I can't get over this place.
It's so beautiful.
I'm sure your estate
is just as large.
No, we live over the grocery
store. Am I hearing things?
Hallucinations. She thinks she's a lady
taxicab driver named Elsie Hammerdingle.
Not even a hyphen between
the Hammer and the dingle.
What, no hyphen?
That's just too, too whimsical.
But, if you care for that kind of humor, from
now on I'll be Gussey Pumpernickel, lady janitor.
This way, gentlemen. Uh, are you quite
sure you've come to the right place?
Oh, yes. We have
an invitation, mister.
Oh, you needn't call me mister.
I'm the butler.
Okay, Mr. Butler. Here's the invitation.
She give it to us right there.
Yes.
Thank you.
Here's your room, gentlemen.
I hope you like it.
Like it? Who in the world
wouldn't like this room?
You mean this one room
for the two of us?
And another thing, who cut this
bed in half? What's the matter?
They're twin beds. Will you keep
quiet. Do we look like twins?
You have a very rigorous
schedule here.
You bath at 10:00,
brunch at 11:00, tea at 2:00.
I always have a very, very
"ridgerous" schedule. I always do.
I washbasin at 8:00. And then I doughnut
at 9:00. I pinball machine at 10:00.
I hamburger and onions at 11:00
and then I bicarbonate of soda at 12:00.
That settles everything.
It sure does.
Pay no attention to my friend here.
He's very eccentric, but very wealthy.
If you'll pardon me, gentlemen,
I'll be back in a moment. Yeah, sure.
Say.
What's the matter?
The Winthrop's, they're
very fine people. Why?
Look at all the nice clothes
they're lending us.
Well, let 'em think
that we're used to it, you know.
Don't act surprised.
And remember your etiquette.
Etiquette?
Etiquette.
You tryin' to tell me? You
can't learn me nothin' like that.
You don't even know how
to say the word. Etiquette?
No, "ah-tick-it-tee. "
Etiquette!
Ah-tick-it-tee!
I said, etiquette!
You don't have to tell me
about all that stuff...
because my mother told me
the right road from the wrong road.
If my mother thought I was gonna do
something wrong, she would always tell me.
Because I had the right kind
of bringing up.
Gentlemen, your bath is drawn. Erase it.
What?
Rub it out!
Shh, not so loud.
My friend is very humorous too.
You've got to take a bath!
Quiet. Not so loud!
Right?
Quite.
Right.
Sir, if I may start
undressing you now.
You're gonna undress me?
Yes, sir.
The last person that ever
undressed me was my mother,
and that was a year ago.
Ayear ago?
You gotta start to learn
to undress yourself...
sometime or other by yourself,
don't you?
Right.
Quite.
Right.
Oh.
If you'll allow me, I'll take
your coat. Thank you. Shall I?
Give the man your coat.
Okay. Okay.
No arguments needed.
Your tie, sir.
Handle this stuff very nicely.
Your tie, sir.
Don't fight. Take it easy.
Give the man...
Please, please, please!
Don't fight me.
I'm not fighting, sir.
Give the man your tie!
Take it off!
All right, I'll give the
guy... All right... Shh!
Put 'em down!
Shh, quiet!
Will you tell him to put his
hands down? Let me have your tie.
All right!
Put your hands down!
You don't have to fight
about it. Here.
Thank you.
There's nothing to it.
Thank you very much.
Now your shirt, sir.
My shirt?
Yes.
I don't get it...
Take it off!
I know how to undress myself. Nobody has
to tell me. Show the man you can do it.
I mean, I know...
I know how to do this.
I'm sure you do.
Oh, take it off!
All right, all right.
Take yours off too.
Your pants, sir.
Think they'll fit you?
Take the pants off! Okay. All
right. I mean, after all...
Put your leg up,
sir, will you?
No, no. Please, sir.
Just a minute. Just a minute.
Just a minute.
All right, all right.
Take it easy.
There you are.
Get up on your feet. Get up.
Okay. Now...
I think you're ready now, sir.
My "bawth" is ready?
Yes, sir.
Um, I will go.
And I think I will return in a jiffy.
I dare say, a "fortnit. "
Toodle-loo.
Oh, yes.
Mrs. Winthrop.
Yes?
Something terrible has
happened. What's the matter?
Our luggage has disappeared.
Vanished into the thin air.
I think it was misappropriated
by one of your servants.
Impossible! I trust them all implicitly.
Why, they've been with me for years.
It couldn't be one of the
guests. No, out of the question.
That's absurd. I'm sure your luggage
was just misplaced. I'll speak to Pipps.
Perhaps he can find some clothes
for you for the time being.
Baron! Look!
Look at that person. He's
wearing a blazer just like mine.
Who in the world is he?
How do you do?
How do you do?
A "ridgerous" schedule, isn't it?
Quite.
Quite.
Allow me to present Baron
Sergei. How do you do?
No, not me.
There. Baron Sergei.
And Count Alexis.
I don't believe
I got your name.
Oh, of course not. If you had
my name, you would be my sister.
Good-bye. Good-bye.
When I see Mrs. Winthrop, I will tell
her about you. But I'm Mrs. Winthrop.
All right. When you see her, you tell
her about me. Thank you. Toodle-loo.
Remarkable.
I wanna go to sleep
I wanna go to sleep
And dream
That dream I had last night
Well, what do you know He smiled
at me in my dreams last night
My dreams are gettin' better
all the time
And what do you know
He looked at me in a different light
My dreams are gettin' better
all the time
To think that we were strangers
A couple of nights ago
And though it's a dream
I never dreamed he'd ever say hello
Well, maybe tonight
he'll hold me tight
When the moonbeams shine
My dreams are gettin' better
all the time
Music's playin'
while we're swayin'
To a lovely strain
Lights are low
And now I know
Soon we'll meet again
Well, what do you know He smiled
at me in my dreams last night
My dreams are gettin' better
all the time
And what do you know
He looked at me in a different light
My dreams are gettin' better
all the time
To think that we were strangers
A couple of nights ago
And though it's a dream
I never dreamed he'd ever say hello
Well, maybe tonight
he'll hold me tight
When the moonbeams shine
My dreams are gettin' better
better all the time
Better and better and better
all the time
I wanna go to sleep
I wanna sleep
And dream
There you are, Albert.
You know, you look swell.
What do ya think?
Too much tie.
No, no, no, no. That's swell.
Now let's go downstairs.
And be careful how you act at all
times. Never mind! Put that down!
Albert! Eddie!
Hello, Elsie.
What are you doing here?
We were invited. We got an
invitation. We're society plumbers.
How did you get here?
It's all such a crazy thing.
I met Peter Evans
at the Van Cleve party.
He thought I was one of the guests
and offered to drive me out here.
But you're not one of the guests.
You must have told him a big fib.
I told him I was Elsie Hammerdingle,
but he wouldn't believe me.
And I let him go on thinking
that I belonged with these people.
But why?
Because I wanted to come here.
I wanted this weekend
to remember.
I know how you feel, Elsie.
I felt the same way when
you and I went on those picnics.
I know as soon as they find out
who I am, they'll throw me out,
but in the meantime, I have this one memory
to dream about for the rest of my life.
You love Peter Evans,
don't you?
He's spoiled me for every man
I'll ever meet after this.
He's wonderful, ain't he?
I guess you thought you were gonna
get stuck with a little fat plumber.
Oh, come, come, come. Look, Elsie,
we'll do everything to help you out.
Yes. I'm gonna try hard, Elsie.
We'll make these people think...
we were the best brought-up
society people they ever saw.
I'll put on the dog
just for you, Elsie.
That a boy. It's breaking my heart,
but I'm gonna do it for Elsie.
That's swell.
Thanks, Albert.
You're the second-nicest boy
I know.
Hmm.
Oh.
What's the matter?
Eddie.
What?
I'll never wash my face
as long as I live.
Oh... Oh, come on. Go ahead.
Oh, Eddie... Put your
hat on. Never mind that.
Don't rub it off! Don't
rub it off! All right.
Pick your hat up.
Pick your hat up.
I'm sorry, gentlemen, that our
clothes are not an exact fit.
I did my best, of course.
Look! Those men again.
Again their clothes look
familiar. Remarkable!
Hey, Eddie.
Now what's wrong?
I don't know what's wrong with this coat,
but it seems like there's some starch up here.
Look it here. Look at this!
What's the matter? Now sit
down and behave yourself!
How do you do?
How do you do?
This is the first opportunity I've had
to welcome you to Briarwood.
How do you do, Mrs. Briarwood? I'm
not Mrs. Briarwood. I'm Mrs. Winthrop.
This is Mrs. Winthrop.
Then you two have met before.
No, not him. You, I have
met. You met me before?
Yes.
Then we're old friends.
Of course, you know
this party is for charity.
I'm selling tickets to view our rare,
old family treasure, The Plunger.
I think that's a very good idea,
don't you, Edward?
Yes, yes.
What did you say?
To view our rare, old family
treasure, The Plunger. The plunger?
It's gonna cost money
to look at a plunger?
Why, of course.
Five dollars apiece.
Lady, are you gonna charge
everybody here for that? Yes.
Get 'em all together
in one group,
and I got a plunger you
can look at for nothin'.
Ah, but yours must be an
imitation. No, it's the real thing.
But my Plunger has been
in the family 150 years.
150 years?
Yes.
Don't you think it's about time
you threw it out?
Its exquisite coloring has never
been surpassed. It's worth $150,000.
Oh, it must be a beaut.
How many tickets will you have?
It's worth its weight in gold.
This I gotta see, Eddie.
I wanna see this.
Yeah.
How much are the tickets?
Five dollars apiece.
Very cheap. Very cheap. Say no
more. Pay the lady for the tickets.
Pay the lady.!
You just put your hand in your pocket,
but you never come out with nothin'.
Very eccentric.
Is that so?
Pay the lady! All right! All
right! Two tickets to see a plunger.
Thank you so much. Just this
way, gentlemen. Yes, surely.
Oh, I don't seem
to recall your names.
I'm Mr. Harrington.
This is, uh, Mr. Mansfield.
Of the Little Rock Mansfields.
Oh! How do you do?
Take an arm?
Right this way. Of course.
I know you'll enjoy it immensely.
Get away from the tree!
Pay no attention to him.
Peter, I've been looking all over
for you. Well, Miss Dinglehammer.
That's Hammerdingle.
Oh, of course, the lady cab driver. Don't
you think you ought to call your stand?
You may have some fares.
I'm not working this weekend.
It seems to me
you're working overtime.
Will you walk me to the
unveiling, Peter? Certainly.
Come on, Elsie.
Pardon me, Mrs. Winthrop.
May I take your photograph with these
two gentlemen for our society page?
Why, of course, it's okay. Go right ahead.
Don't forget to mention that next week
we're having a sale on secondhand washers.
Thank you. If they come out good,
I'd like about a dozen. Thank you.
Well, now, about to see the
plunger. The plunger, yes.
Let's see it.
I'm just about to unveil it.
A plunger with a veil?
I don't know.
If you please.
The plunger.
What kind of plunger is that? That must be
the bathroom door. The plunger must be inside.
Don't you understand?
That's the plunger there.
That's the plunger?
That big guy standing up.
That's a painting or something.
That's a gambler.
Any man that gambles
is a plunger.
Any man that gambles they call
a plunger? If he gambles heavy.
Then it's just a painting. That's
all. Expensive painting too.
How much that cost?
$150,000.
You was cheated, Mrs. Winthrop.
What?
I don't even see $100,000
worth of chips on the table.
Unless they got it
in their pockets.
This is the place
I'm looking for, isn't it?
To be sure, sir.
My name is Drexel.
I'm a friend of Mr. Harrington
and Mr. Mansfield.
What you mean is that Mrs. Winthrop
invited Mr. Peter Evans for the weekend,
he invited Miss Hammerdingle,
she invited Mr. Harrington
and Mr. Mansfield,
and they in turn invited you.
Yes, we are
a very hospitable group.
Drexel!
Marlow!
What are you doing here?
I'm something
of an art collector.
I understand there's
a valuable painting here.
Oh, yeah, The Plunger.
The last time we met you were doing a stretch for
collecting paintings without the owner's permission.
This time my work
is purely as supervisor.
I've got two stooges
on the inside.
All of a sudden,
I'm an art collector too.
Count me in.
I'm your partner.
Save me.! Help.!
Help.! Help.! Save me.!
Save me.! Help.! Help.!
Help!
Hold on me, boy!
Get up here.
Go ahead, kid.
I'm gonna sue you
in every court in this world!
What's the matter?
Didn't I just save your life?
Yeah, but where's my hat?
What in the world is this? How do you
like this guy? I just saved his life!
You saved whose life?
His.
Do you know this guy?
No.
You had no license
to go out after that man.
You gotta have a license
to go save a guy?
You want me to run
downtown to the "brureau"...
and say, "Gimme a license.
I want to save a man"?
There's lifeguards.
They've got families.
Those families depend on the
salaries those lifeguards earn...
to jump in swimming pools
and oceans and save people.
And you... As soon
as their back is turned,
you deliberately sneak into the
pool and do the work for nothing!
Don't ever do a thing like
that! I'm sorry I saved you.
You should be sorry!
Do you mind very much
if I settle this argument?
I wish you would. You tell Eddie
everything. Thank you very much.
Well, that's better.
Wait! Wait!
I'm gonna run down and get a
license! I'll be right back!
Wait there.!
Keep out of people's business.
Mr. Drexel. Eddie and Al,
how are you? Glad to see ya.
You're not mad at us?
Of course not. I'm your pal.
What about the $1,000?
Let's not talk about that now.
What are you doing here? I'm here
on business. Maybe you can help me.
Certainly. There's a package I'd
like you to carry home for me.
Sure. He's the greatest package
carrier. I'd be glad to help.
What's in it?
It might be a painting.
The Plunger?
It could be.
Well, we won't help. If you do
anything like that, we'll expose you!
You heard that, didn't you? You do anything
like that and we'll turn the hose on you!
I was just trying to test your
honesty. I'm glad you stand the test.
Run along and
enjoy yourselves.
We stand all kind of tests. Just
keep testing us. Test us. Come on!
What did they say?
They said they'd expose me
to Mrs. Winthrop if I try anything.
How are your knives these days?
I still keep them sharp and handy.
Just this way, please.
Mrs. Winthrop asked me to bring
you two gentlemen down here...
so you could choose your mounts
for the fox hunt.
Fox hunt?
Oh, certainly.
What would a weekend be
without a fox hunt?
You know, last season
all we shot was grouse.
Oh, and I bagged three
of the "greese" myself.
Greese?
Greese.
Greese is not plural.
It ain't "sinjular. "
I mean, after all...
Yes, indeed...
Well, my good man,
get me my mount.
And get me the biggest mount
that you got.
What's a mount?
A mount's a horse.
Hey! Don't...
You... You can kill somebody with those.
Now, cut it out. Hey, Eddie, are you gonna...
What did ya do to Eddie?
What did ya do to Eddie?
Now, are you gonna help
Drexel with the job?
I won't give in, Eddie.
I won't give in.
With this last knife I'm
gonna hit ya right in the head.
Wait a minute. Every condemned man
has a last request to make.
What's yours?
Before you throw that last knife,
will you please take your hat off?
All right.
Thank you.
I don't want to see this.
Hey, did he get you?
Yeah.
Where?
In the belt.
Well, come on. Pull up your pants,
and let's get out ofhere. Okay.
So sorry about
your clothes, gentlemen.
Oh, it is nothing, madame.
Your butler did the best he could.
I'm afraid the fox will be ashamed
to be pursued by us.
Good hunting, Peter.
Thank you, Gloria.
If we'd had more advance notice we could
have arranged for a horse with a meter.
Take care of the plumbers?
Don't worry about them.
I fixed it so they get the wildest
animals in the stable. Fine.
The little fat guy's horse
is a killer.
Come on, Buck.
Giddyap, boy.
Come on, come on, come on.
Come on!
Whoa! Whoa, boy! Whoa!
Albert, I wonder why
that groom...
wanted us to ride
those four-legged killers.
I don't know. The 20 bucks
certainly changed his mind.
It was my 20.
I know. It's...
What are you doing with
the rope? That's my lasso.
When I see the fox, I'm gonna lasso
him, and then I'll bulldoze him,
and then I'll hog-tie him,
and then I'm gonna brand him.
And if I like the fox real well,
I'll make a watch fox of him.
Yoicks and away!
Yoicks, Mr. Mansfield!
Yoicks to you too!
Albert! Albert!
Oh, fox! Here, fox!
Take it easy. Take it easy.
Here, fox!
Here, fox!
Fox!
Here, fox.
Here, fox!
Here, fox.
Here, fox...
Uh-oh, the fox.
Uh-oh, another bridge.
Take it easy!
Eddie! Eddie!
Hey, Eddie!
Fox!
Albert!
Where are you, Albert?
Whoa, Harry! Whoa!
Get outta the way!
Get outta the way!
Get outta the way!
Get outta the way!
Hey, hey, come on! Come on!
Outta the way.! Look out.!
Look out.! Scatter.!
Get outta the way!
Get outta the way!
Get outta the way.!
Outta the way.!
Hey.
Oh. Kitten.
Remarkable.
Whenever I look at you
The cloudiest sky is blue
From nowhere
the sun breaks through
What a change in the weather
Whenever your lips
meet mine
The stormiest day is fine
Flowers bloom in the wintertime
What a change in the weather
You merely smile at me
And robins sing
A humdrum world
Becomes
A lovely thing
Whenever the ill winds blow
Whenever I'm feelin' low
I think of your arms and, oh
What a change in the weather
What a change
In my heart
Whenever I look at you
The cloudiest sky is blue
From nowhere
the sun breaks through
What a change
In the weather
Whenever your lips meet mine
The stormiest day is fine
Flowers bloom
in the wintertime
What a change
In the weather
You merely smile at me
And robins sing
A humdrum world
Becomes
A lovely thing
Whenever the ill winds blow
Whenever I'm feelin' low
I think of your arms and, oh
What a change in the weather
What a change
In my heart
Excuse me.
Sure.
Please, Mr. Osborne.
Ladies and gentlemen,
it is my painful duty to announce...
that my famous painting,
The Plunger, has been stolen.
I know none of my guests
could possibly be involved,
but I must request you all to remain in
this room until the police investigate.
Mother, I don't think any
investigation will be necessary.
There's several suspicious strangers
among us whom we accepted as guests...
because they were
Peter Evans's friends.
Those two men are a couple of plumbers,
and that girl is a taxi driver.
They're here under false pretenses.
They're the criminals.
- I don't believe it.
- You're right. But we know who the criminal is.
Mr. Drexel told us he was coming
up here to steal your painting.
If I may interrupt, madame.
Mr. Drexel is a friend
of these gentlemen.
Then they're all in it together.
Pipps, call the police.
Hey!
Hey, look!
It's Drexel and the chauffeur.
They're trying to escape!
We gotta get 'em so we
can clear Elsie! Right!
Come on!
Stop them!
We can catch them
with this fire truck.
Where's the fire? Come on,
come on, come on, come on!
Oh, boy!
Follow that car!
Hey, take it easy, chief.
This is my first ride in a fire truck.
Mine too, buddy! Whoopee!
Step on it, Marlow.
I think that fire truck's following us.
Take it easy, chief.
Take it easy.
Get outta the way, everybody!
Get outta the way! Get outta the way!
Crowd 'em into the curb.
Turn around.
Let's head for Briarwood.
Keep your mind on the wheel!
But I'm hungry.
He's crazy.
Get him!
Come on! Get him!
Throw him over!
I took care of him.
Hey, he's over here!
Wait! He's on the running board.
Don't do that!
Finger! My finger!
My finger! My...
What was that? What was that?
Here's your painting, Mrs. Winthrop. You'll
never know the time I had getting it back.
The time you had? It was me, Eddie. Albert.
- You and Eddie are heroes.
I want to apologize for accusing you.
You may be plumbers,
but you're wonderful plumbers.
Thank goodness my Plunger is safe.
You still are a couple of thieves.
The clothes you have been
wearing belongs to us.
They've wrecked The Plunger.
Hey, the guy on the left
is cheating. He is.